#I’m not saying that makes someone better than me or me better than them because that’s just false | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hueseok · 2 days ago

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hello, @tatzzz-25 ! i’ll be replying to your comment through this long post which will also be directed to anyone who's curious about this unfinished draft’s ending hehehe

okay so i wasn’t really planning to answer this because like i said, this draft will be forever unfinished and y’all are going to be left hanging with me (hehe) — but i actually do have an idea with how this fic is supposed to go from where i left it, it’s just that it really is over the place.

it was supposed to be something like this (i’m going to say sorry in advance if what you’re about to read is jumbled because like i said THAT IS WHY I WAS UNABLE TO FINISH THIS VERSION OF IT WAS ALWAYS YOU LMAO):

ben does come to the city where jk and oc is. he meets jk and from the get-go, it’s obvious that ben and oc are like… complete opposites. i’m not sure if i’ve mentioned it explicitly on the unfinished fic but jk and oc are both like adrenaline junkies so seeing oc with ben who is very timid and passive sets jk off because it’s like “what the hell did she see in this guy???”

anyways, jk tries to piss / annoy oc more by suggesting that they all spend quality time together as a way for him to know ben. he specifically suggests that they go to this rock climbing place nearby because oc loves rock climbing and it’s her favorite hobby. the three of them do end up going and this whole sequence is just basically jk being “we’re a better match than you and ben because we love rock climbing” or still being like “what the FUCK does she see in this guy?????” because ben is the cliché good guy who’s too nice and all that (but!! there is a moment wherein ben does show that he’s being kinda mad too at jk’s behavior bc jk really be showing how much he knows oc and it’s obvious that he still likes her)

after those two scenes… i honestly didn’t have any solid ideas anymore aside from jk eventually thinking that maybe a guy like ben is what oc needs the more he sees them together (like oc needs someone more stable or more mature etc.). this prompts him to be kinda less stubborn about the whole divorce thing yet still kinda bitter at the same time. ben, on the other hand, sees the genuine connection between jk and oc, which makes him question oc one time if she’s sure that there isn’t any left feelings for her supposed to be ex-husband but oc always denies it and blah blah blah

as we get closer to the conclusion of the story, these are the scenes that i have originally thought about:

jk tells oc that he’ll sign the divorce papers after he graduates from the fighter weapons school

oc is relieved but has mixed feelings about it

jk graduates and oc attends the after party something of the graduation with ben. there jk hands her the signed divorce papers, also telling her that he’s getting deployed tomorrow for an emergency situation so that night might be the last night they’ll see each other (this scene makes it clear that jk’s mission will be dangerous so oc will get worried)

oc and ben will return to their shared hotel room. oc will not be able to sleep because of worrying about jk and she’ll have a realization that she really can’t afford to lose him.

she talks to ben about it who already foresaw this situation, but instead of being mad or what, he encourages her to “follow her heart”

ANYWAYS, oc goes to jk to confront him. they have a huge confrontational scene wherein they admit they still love each other—they do the deed, reconcile, and ending scene is jk tearing the divorce papers????

yup. that’s basically it AHAHAHAHAHA

also, a little bonus. i also had a draft for a “no ben version” wherein no other love interest is involved and it’s literally the same ending but supposed to have some kind of epilogue at the end but evidently, past athena no longer had the time to even finish outlining sksks:

it was always you (from the vault)

originally titled: take my breath away.

a.k.a. the original draft for my “it was always you” fic wherein naval aviator!jungkook is your cocky soon-to-be-ex-husband who won’t sign your divorce papers because he’s still in love with you lol.

pairing: jungkook x reader

word count: 4.5k

content: fluff, semi-angst, exes to ??? | ft. naval aviator!jungkook + husband!jungkook

warning: what you’re about to read (if you do choose to read this) is an unfinished work which perhaps will forever be unfinished.

the only reason i’m posting it because i feel like it’d be a waste to let it rot in my drafts considering that i really liked how it went until the moment i stopped writing hehehehe. i’ve also thought about continuing this story but since i already have an existing naval aviator!jungkook in my masterlist, i felt like it’d be redundant to post this!

anyhow, since a lot of you showed so much love to “it was always you”, i thought it’d be nice to share this 🥹

You really hoped that flying for almost three hours and experiencing horrid turbulence during half of the trip was going to be worth it. But again, that was only the first part of the whole charade; the real challenge would begin perhaps much later, when you finally come face to face with the person that you were scheduled to meet.

As you walked inside the bar, the nerves that previously weren’t there started to crawl from your chest to your legs, making it harder to reach the counter where a vacant bar stool stood. You didn’t even know why you were suddenly nervous—although you could only guess that the sudden burst of anxiety was rooted from talking again to the most stubborn man ever to walk on earth—and you were already preparing yourself for the long conversation you were going to have with him and possibly the extended leave you’ll have to inform your boss for this trip because of his infamous stubbornness.

“____?” a familiar voice abruptly called out for you after you finished ordering a mug of beer from the barmaid, “no fucking way. It can’t be.”

You turned to your left and saw Jung Hoseok.

Spoiler: he wasn’t the person you were going to meet today, which made seeing him such a delight. You grinned immediately upon making eye contact, hopping out of your chair and exclaiming his name with the same enthusiasm he let out when he did realize it was you who he was looking at.

“Holy shit. What are you doing here?” He automatically engulfed you in a tight embrace when you initiated. You noticed that he was wearing an off duty attire, a plain black polo shirt and blue jeans, his hair kept neat and short. “Actually, scratch that—there’s only one person you should be here for.”

You bothered to smile. “Yeah. I’m guessing he didn’t tell anyone I’m visiting, huh?”

“Nope. He 100% kept it a secret because he knows that we’re going to steal you away if he spills.”

“We?” you mused. You didn’t even know that he was training with Hoseok, and now you’re discovering that Hoseok’s apparently not the only friend he has here. “How many of you that I know are training with him?”

Hoseok takes a short pause to think about it. “Hm… well, there’s me, then Yoongi and… Namjoon. That’s just about it.”

“Wow. It’s essentially the whole group again, huh?”

“Yup. I mean, we are the best of the best.” He smirked.

You playfully rolled your eyes.

“And we’ve missed you,” he added swiftly. “I’m a bit mad that your husband didn’t inform us that you’d be here—but again, I’m not surprised.”

“Sorry. I think I have myself to blame for that. I did tell him that I don’t intend to stay here for too long.”

“Why not?”

“I’m just here to make sure he signs the divorce papers.”

Hoseok nodded, thoughtful and a bit disappointed. “Is he giving you a hard time with them?”

“You can say that.” A dramatic sigh escaped you. “He insisted that if I really wanted to get his signature, I should just go here where he’s training.”

“Classic Jungkook.” He laughed, and you agreed with a snort.

He was right, this was all a Classic Jungkook move.

Sometimes, you didn’t understand why you agreed to marry Jungkook so urgently when he asked for your hand, even after knowing that he did everything he could to ensure that he got what he wanted in the end.

Though that was just that thing, wasn’t it? He knew exactly what to do in order to get what he wanted—and at that time of his proposal, you knew it was you that he sought for.

Despite the fact that Jungkook had only been seeing you for less than a year, he was convinced that you were the love of his life. It was the reason why when he needed to be deployed for a mission, it seemed proposing was the most natural thing to do, going on about how he wanted to be reassured that when he came back for you, you were going to be there waiting for him, not only as a girlfriend, but as his wife.

And you said yes, without missing a beat, because you genuinely loved Jungkook and for you, the both of you were a match made in heaven.

By the two year mark of being a wedded couple though, just being in love with each other wasn’t enough. There were a lot of arguments, irreconcilable differences, a lot of moments wherein you wanted to abandon everything and just disappear—until you finally declared that enough was enough and you were going to file for divorce.

Of course, Jungkook didn’t want to sign them, but he did grant you a little bit of your freedom back. He did so by leaving your shared apartment on a random Thursday, only sending a text that said he was being called by the Navy for a mission he couldn’t disclose per usual, and that if you really wanted to divorce him, you’d just have to wait for him to go back.

He never returned though. Because after that mission, came a next one, and another one, until you heard that he was invited to a naval fighter weapons school in the northern part of the country, close to the seas and where he’ll be training for a few weeks among the best naval aviators in the nation.

That’s when he decided to invite you over and say that if you wanted his signature, you’d have to be the one who’ll go to him. You initially contemplated for a long time before just going forth with his ridiculous demand. Nonetheless, you figured you were once again left with no choice because here you were now, doing exactly what he wanted to get what you exactly wanted as well.

God, who knew that contrary to how easy it was to enter this marriage, it was an absolute pain to get out of it?

“Do you know where he might be?” you asked Hoseok while taking a sip of your beer. “Or if he’s going here at least?”

“I have no clue,” Hoseok said. “Though I do know that he should have free time. We don’t have training for the rest of the day.”

“I’ll be seriously pissed if he stands me up.”

“He won’t.”

“It’s Jungkook.”

“Yeah, but you’re ____,” he said it like it was reason enough, “and Jungkook can’t resist seeing you. Especially if it’s been what? How many months have passed since you two saw each other?”

You held up six fingers, continuing to gulp down your drink in frustration. “Still, he loves to annoy the shit out of me.”

“It’s his love language.”

“Oh, I’ve been made very aware.”

Hoseok barked out a laugh. He was a huge fan of your dynamic with Jungkook; he was practically there throughout the whole journey of your relationship. As Jungkook’s weapon systems officer, the both of them were thick as thieves, which also made him the best man of the wedding—so deep inside, he wanted to believe that whatever it was that you and Jungkook were dealing with, it would be resolved soon enough.

“Well, it looks like you don’t have to wait for too long.” Hoseok toasted his glass to the direction of the entrance where the Jeon Jungkook entered, removing his aviator sunglasses and hooking it on the collar of his white shirt, worn inside a dark blue long-sleeved polo he was sporting as well.

You followed his line of vision and scowled at the sight of Jungkook. Not because you hated your husband, but because even when in the middle of finalizing a divorce, you couldn’t deny that he was too handsome for his own good.

“I think this is my cue to leave,” Hoseok added, getting off his seat. “It was nice seeing you again, ___. Let’s catch up later, yeah? I’ll conspire with Joon and Yoongi to steal you away.” He smiled mischievously and gave you a sweet chaste kiss on the cheek before walking over to Jungkook, greeting him, pointing to where you were, and then walking to another table where you guessed a bunch of other naval aviators were hanging out.

A sigh escaped you, just in time when Jungkook met your gaze.

He grinned—actually grinned—and you had to prevent your eyes from twitching to not look like some crazy person who didn’t have any self-control. So, instead of plastering the same scowl a few seconds ago for him to see, you flashed a sarcastic smile, waving your hand.

“There’s my beautiful wife,” Jungkook claimed when he was close enough, marching towards you, appearing like he was going to go for a kiss but before he could, you outstretched an arm and stopped him by literally wrapping your fingers around his neck as if you were planning to choke him to death with the gesture (which you were tempted to do).

He rolled his eyes, holding your wrist and bringing it down.

“Can’t I give you a kiss?” he retorted.

“No.”

“And Hoseok can?”

“Hoseok’s my friend.”

“I’m your husband.”

“Ex-husband.”

“Wrong. I haven’t signed any divorce papers, honey, so in the eyes of the law, I’m still very much your husband.” He quickly stole a kiss on the corner of your mouth and you allowed yourself to grimace in annoyance, glaring at him as he took Hoseok’s previous seat.

You watched him order a drink for himself and nachos for sharing. You didn’t say anything while he did all that; you just stared at him, analyzing him, trying to decipher what was going on in that head of his. You honestly had no clue what his thought process was in depriving you of the signature you wanted and then randomly agreeing to meet you again, accompanied with the condition that you’re the one who has to go to him and not the other way around.

As he reasoned, he was still in the middle of training, and he couldn’t just leave even if he wanted to and that’s why you had to make the effort to make this work (he made it clear that he didn’t want to make the effort anyway if it meant it could lead to his and yours divorce).

“How are you?” he asked once he was done ordering and you scoffed.

“Let’s not do that, Jungkook.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me that I’m not allowed to know how you’re doing too.”

“I meant the small talk. Let’s just cut to the chase.”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“Jungkook.”

“Alright.” He placed an arm against the counter, spinning his stool to face you. “You already know where I stand, though. I still haven’t changed my mind in wanting to work it out first.”

“What? But you told me that if I went here—”

“I would talk to you, not sign the papers,” he finished. “You didn’t really think I’d sign them just like that, right?”

Your stomach dropped.

There goes assuming that the three-hour flight to go here would be worth it.

“I did, actually.” You grumbled. “When are you giving this a rest?”

He seemed annoyed by the rhetoric question. “When are you going to stop thinking that divorce is the answer to our problem?”

“We already did couple’s therapy and that proved to be a waste of time.”

“That’s because you were stubborn and wouldn’t cooperate.”

“Oh, I’m the one who’s stubborn between the both of us? I’m the one who wouldn’t cooperate?”

“Yes.”

“No, I’m not!” You raised your hands up. “You were the one who always said some lame excuse to not attend it with me.”

“Babe, how many times do I have to tell you, my schedule isn’t—”

“Yeah, whatever.” You didn’t let him finish, knowing that he was going to say something about how being in the Navy didn’t grant him the free time you were expecting him to have.

“I’m just saying… you can’t keep on doing this, you know?” you said.

“Can’t keep doing what?”

“Prolonging this. We already broke up, Jungkook. There’s not point in staying married.”

“That’s the thing, though.” He smirked. “I can keep prolonging it.”

Your nostrils flared. “Why?”

“Because I can.”

You think flashes of red were beginning to blur your vision.

Jungkook noticed the rage building up, yet he didn’t back down. “Why are you even so eager to legally separate? Do you plan on getting married again soon?” he asked.

It was supposed to be a joke, because Jungkook didn’t actually think you were seeing anyone at the moment—but at the mention of it, he saw the manner in which your expression slightly shifted, and he narrowed his eyes at you, understanding. “Don’t bullshit me. You aren’t seeing anyone, right?”

You blinked, acting all innocent. “It’s none of your business.”

“It is. You’re still married to me.”

“We’ve broken up for almost a year now, Jungkook.” You groaned, remaining him once again. “If you just signed the goddamn papers, all of this would be out of your hands.”

He scoffed. “You are seeing someone?”

“That is not the point of our conversation.”

“Well, it’s a significant aspect of it.”

“Fine.” You huffed. “I am seeing someone. Happy?”

Jungkook was in fact not happy. He was angry, but then he thought of how he shouldn’t be, because you and him have broken up for almost a year now like you said. Even though he wasn’t in support of that notion, he remembered at least granting you enough freedom to feel like you could date around without thinking about how you were technically cheating on him if ever you did.

However, he didn’t really think you would find someone. Sure, you were beautiful, you had an amazing personality, there was no question when it came to you attracting men, yet you could be picky most of the time. It was even a miracle how he managed to bag you; though he guessed that he didn’t really have to try that hard in the first place before because the two of you just had so much in common for you to ignore.

“What’s his name?” he asked after a long silence.

You crossed your arms. “Do you have to know?”

“Yes.”

“Fine.” You adjusted yourself in your seat. “It’s Ben.”

Jungkook thought the name sounded stupid. “How long have you been dating him?”

You hesitated, already predicting how he was going to react that you almost exaggerated the answer, but decided against it last minute. “Five weeks.”

He suddenly burst out laughing, the sound echoing inside the bar; it was the exact type of response you were positive he was going to do, proof that you knew him too well and that you shouldn’t have changed your pretense in the first place.

“It’s not funny,” you hissed, noticing that a lot of people were glancing at where you were both situated. “What the hell is funny about what I said?”

“You want to divorce me for a guy you’ve been dating for five weeks?” He carried on snickering; he barely got the whole sentence out because he was too busy catching his breath.

“Of course not! I would just prefer it if I don’t have any baggage left before attempting to commit to another relationship.”

The barmaid came back with Jungkook’s beer and nachos. He thanked her and slid the basket of cheesy nachos to your direction, an offer that you could get a piece if you wanted. However you were neither hungry nor interested in getting anything from him that would elicit a thank you from you, too prideful at this point due to how annoying he was being.

“What does he do for a living?” he asked next.

“I’m not telling you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re going to make fun of it.”

“Is it worth making fun of?”

“No.”

“Then just tell me.” He threw a chip inside his mouth.

You pressed your lips together. “He’s a bank clerk.”

Jungkook didn’t laugh this time, but the corners of his mouth were twitching as he grinned, and you found yourself refraining from wanting to strangle him again, questioning why you thought it was a good idea to come here since it was obvious that talking to him properly was an impossible task.

“You’re dating a bank clerk?” he posed the question like it was the most preposterous thing he had heard from you today. “What the hell do the both of you have in common?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll have you know that Ben is a very nice guy.”

“That’s what ladies say when a man is horrible in bed.”

“That’s not true.”

“Is he good then?”

“That’s none of your business, Jungkook,” you uttered once more, teeth gritting. “Besides, it’s only been five weeks.”

He smirked. “That’s a no then. It seems that you haven’t slept with him,” he said. “Makes sense. I mean, if you have already slept with another guy, you might be already begging me to get back together. Given that I’m the best sex you’ve ever had.”

You stared at him in disbelief. “How the fuck are you always so arrogant?”

“It comes with the praise I usually get during my escapades, babe.” Jungkook winked at you, hand reaching out for another nacho.

“Oh, so I’m assuming you do have sex with other people now. You know, if you’ve just divorced me, you can go live your happy single life again to go to that without any worries.”

“I don’t sleep with other people—”

“But you just said—”

“I meant before I met you.” He pointed out, giving you a look. “Why are you even thinking about that? Are you jealous?”

“God, you’re fucking impossible.” You practically growled.

He flashed you another smirk, amused.

“Anyhow,” you began, bringing out the divorce papers from your bag that you should have given him the second you saw him, but as what you think was part of his plan, he did manage to stall you in doing so, “here’s the papers.” You shoved it to his chest, rendering Jungkook no choice but to grab it.

He glanced down at them. “You’re never going to stop until I sign these, huh?”

You nodded. “Never.”

“Fine.” Jungkook flickered his gaze on you. “I’ll sign them.”

You glared at him. “Be serious.”

“I am serious.”

“Are you?”

You were still suspicious, but at the same time, you had high hopes.

“Yes. But I need to meet Ben the bank clerk first.”

Your spirits dropped. “Oh, no, no, no,” you made a huge cross sign with your arms, “you are not giving me another condition just to go against your word in the end.”

“I won’t this time.”

“Yeah, right.” You scoffed loudly.

It was his turn to narrow his eyes at you. “I’m serious. You want my signature or not?”

You bit the insides of your cheeks, gazing at him.

You were no fool, you knew why he wanted to meet him; you knew that it was because he wanted to see it for himself if the guy you replaced him for was actually more good looking than him or at least appeared as if he could survive a fistfight if Jungkook prompted to start one. It was all testosterone and ego, and you contemplated cutting his balls just to get this over with once and for all.

Surely, by then, he would be more agreeable.

“Fine,” you told him. “If you meet him, you’ll sign the papers? Promise?”

He took a sip of his beer, shrugging. “Sure.”

***

Jungkook watched the scene unfold in front of him with an amused expression.

Although he did admit it once that he did get a bit jealous whenever you gave the other guys more attention than him, he loved his best pals too much to care.

It was why he allowed instances like this to happen wherein you made it apparent that you valued their company much more than you did Jungkook. It was evident in the manner in which you laughed loudly as Hoseok, Yoongi, and Namjoon hugged you, each one of them taking turns in lifting your body off the ground a few seconds in glee.

You were seen as a beloved sister to them as they saw Jungkook as a cherished brother in the Navy.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Jungkook reckoned after five seconds.

Namjoon glanced at him, the last one to embrace you. “Jealous?” he teased, reading his mind.

“I am, actually.” Jungkook affirmed. “You three got a better greeting than I did.”

You rolled your eyes at the pettiness of his comment. “That’s because there’s nothing good about seeing you again, Jungkook.”

Jungkook glanced at you. “You wound me, babe.” He placed a dramatic hand on his chest. “Truly, you do.”

The guys stifled a laugh.

Today’s agenda was supposed to be a catch up session with the three guys. News spread quickly yesterday that you were in town thanks to Hoseok, and given that the three of them were good friends of yours, you didn’t decline the offer when Jungkook informed you that they wanted to meet you while you were here.

So, as the next day came in and the evening rolled, they met up with you at the same resto-bar Hoseok found you in. It did seem like the only venue that was both near enough from the academy and the hotel you were staying at that offered adequate food. You observed that the occupants of the place were composed primarily of people wearing naval aviator uniforms or motorcyclists stopping by before going forth with their ride.

“So,” Yoongi began just as Jungkook headed to the counter, volunteering to relay all of your orders to the barmaid, “we heard from a little birdie that you’re seeing someone else.”

You gave him a look. “Still a big gossip, I see.”

“Oh, it’s not counted as gossip if it’s what Jungkook’s been complaining about the whole time at the showers,” Namjoon humored.

Hoseok agreed with a nod. “It’s what he’s been nonstop yapping about earlier when we were flying,” he said. “Seriously, ____. Release the boy from misery and just get back together.”

They watched you grimace. “You all know my relationship with Jungkook has been long complicated for it to be as easy as that.”

“Did he cheat on you?” Namjoon asked.

“No, of course not.” You scoffed. “He’s an annoying shit for the most part but he’s not a cheater.”

He physically relaxed at the confirmation. “Good, because I don’t think I can beat him in a fistfight.”

Yoongi chuckled. “What’s the matter then? You still haven’t spared us any details on why you’re so keen to divorce him.”

“There’s no particular reason,” you sighed with a throw of your hand. “It’s just a compilation of the small things. He’s away most of the time, I’m away most of the time when he’s available—we fight a lot, argue a lot, it just doesn’t seem to be worth fighting for anymore.”

“So, you don’t love him anymore?”

“I…” you trailed, abruptly feeling like you were being interrogated, “I mean, love doesn’t go away easily. And it hasn’t been that long since we called it quits.”

The three men shared a look among themselves.

You straighten your posture. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What does?” Hoseok queried.

“That look you guys just gave each other. I don’t like it.”

“That’s just their faces, babe,” Jungkook reappeared, taking the liberty to take the seat on your right. “What are you fellas talking about?” he asked his buddies.

They didn’t dare utter a word. You were under the impression that they had an understanding between them that talking about your relationship right in Jungkook’s face was something one should not ought to do.

You, on the other hand, took it as your cue to speak, starting another topic to hopefully erase the previous one. “Ben said he can come. He’s boarding tonight,” you told Jungkook as he’s sipping from his glass of service water.

“That’s good.” He didn’t look as interested as he was yesterday.

“Who’s Ben?” It was Hoseok again.

“The bank clerk,” Jungkook answered.

“The new guy you’re seeing?” Yoongi asked you.

“Yep,” you said before turning to Jungkook. “And can you please refer to him by his name? He’s not just a bank clerk.”

“Is he a boring bank clerk?” Jungkook asked, that teasing smirk flashing on his mouth.

“Will he be here tomorrow?” Namjoon chimed in.

You nodded. “Hopefully.”

“Great,” Jungkook placed his glass down on the table. “It’ll be enough time to get to know him.”

He said ‘enough time’ like his time was limited because it really was. He informed you before you parted ways yesterday that he was graduating from the academy this Friday, and that after that, he was almost 100% sure he was going to be deployed again with some of his classmates for a mission that you wouldn’t be allowed to know the details of.

Your stomach somersaulted when he told you that.

Somehow, despite convincing yourself that you no longer cared for Jungkook, the thought of his life being put at risk again once he was back on the field made you want to vomit in anxiety. It reminded you that his very dangerous occupation was one of the root causes of your separation, for there were months wherein you couldn’t take the fear of waiting in uncertainty on whether he was going to come home to you or not, regardless of how he promised he would every single time.

It was funny, you thought. One of your similarities with your husband was that the both of you were adrenaline junkies. You and him bonded over extreme rides in amusement parks, activities that got your heart pumping and gave you the sensation of being on top of the world—and yet it was the reason why you didn’t want to be with him anymore as well, too scared to continue loving him if he always sought for adventure and danger through being a naval aviator.

“You knew what you were signing up for, ____,” he told you during one of your many arguments. “You entered this relationship knowing the nature of my job. You can’t expect to adjust for you when it comes to—”

“I’m not expecting you to adjust for me, Kook,” you replied in exasperation, practically begging him to listen to you with an open mind at that point. “God, I just want you to consider me. I just want to feel that for once, you actually remember that someone’s always waiting for you to come home.”

Whenever conversations like that popped back inside your memory, you forced yourself to push it away. It wasn’t an experience you wanted to relive. You’ve spent far too many nights just crying because of how it felt like to be in a constant state of worry for the person you found yourself loving the most.

“We can all meet him, right?” asked Hoseok, looking at the other guys for back up.

You surveyed them, raising your eyebrows before saying your answer.

“Like the hell you would.”

#welp #now you guys will understand why i was never able to write the whole story #it will cost many brain cells which i unfortunately do not have #😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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cupidhoons · 21 hours ago

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REMINDER ✶ LEE HEESEUNG

( M.LIST ) ╱ f! reader 𓈒𓈒𓈒 slightly toxic & suggestive themes skinship kissing ─── wc 1k> : sum. breaking up with your ex & going to a party was one bad idea enough, but going back to him for what seemed like the millionth time after seeing him with a girl that wasn't you was a story on its own.

YOU AND LEE HEESEUNG WERE SO OVER. At least, that's what you thought. After breaking up with him for the ninth time this week and constantly having an on and off relationship with him for the past month—you believed that this was the last and official breakup. Not a chance were you going to settle for a man who didn't know exactly what he wanted, and nor was Lee Heeseung going to settle for someone who loved to toy with him.

It was a push and pull relationship, to say the least. Though, most times it seemed like there was more of a pull than push. It felt as if every time you saw him—or even near him for fact—you got into a zone. But not this time.

Or so, that's what you thought.

Maybe you were just greedy for his love, but seeing him enter the party with a girl that wasn't you two weeks after the breakup was driving you insane. You eyed them from across the room, burning holes into the back of Heeseung’s head.

The music thrummed in the air, drowning out the noise of conversation and laughter. Your fingers tightened around the cup in your hand, crinkling the plastic till it seemed unusable. Heeseung was laughing, his head thrown back slightly as he leaned in closer to her.

You told yourself you didn't care. That you wouldn't let him get to you anymore. But the way his hand rested so comfortably on her back, guiding her through the crowded room and how his arm snaked around her waist pissed you off.

You observed them closely, your eyes never leaving their figure even as you ordered another shot. Your friends could tell that you were so out of it, and they know the exact reason why, but all you said to them was “Everything is fine.”

Lie. Nothing was fine, and seeing Heeseung give her a kiss on her cheek was enough to send you spiraling. You had enough of his bullshit.

Setting down your drink on the nearest table, you straighten your posture as you take out a mirror for touch-ups before walking over to them. Each step felt heavy with jealousy and frustration, masked with your self confidence.

Heeseung’s laugh faltered when he noticed your walking figure. His smile stiffened, his hand immediately slipping away from the girl’s waist to rest at his side. You could only widen your smirk.

“Hey, Hee,” you said, your voice honey-sweet, as you placed a hand on his chest, making him flinch. “Can I borrow you for a second?”

It was as if you didn't even notice his date, until she cleared her throat, catching your attention. “Oh, I’m sorry! You don't mind if I steal him for a moment, do you? We just have some…things to talk about.” You smiled.

His date took a glance at you, then at Heeseung, sensing the tension between you two. “Uh…I’ll just…grab a drink,” she mumbled, stepping away from the scene.

Heeseung turned back to you, his jaw tightening. “What do you want?” he asked, his voice laced with frustration.

You leaned in slightly, letting your hands trial lightly over the fabric of his shirt, resting just above his heart. The warmth of his skin seeps through the material as his breath hitches at the sudden contact.

“Remind me why we’re taking a break,” you muttered, tilting your head as if you were clueless to why.

His brows furrowed as he tried pulling away, but your hand stayed firmly on his chest, following the movement like a magnet. “We talked about this,” he said, his voice firmer than before, though the way his gaze flickered to your lips gave everything you needed to know. “You said it was better for the both of us.”

“And you agreed,” you countered smoothly, your tone low and intimate as you closed the gap again. “But does it really feel better, Heeseung? Because it doesn't for me.”

His eyes searched yours, conflicted. He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing, and you knew you had him exactly where you wanted. Your thumb traced a small, absentminded circle against his chest, and you could feel his heart racing beneath your touch.

“We’re not good for each other.” he said, though it sounded like he was trying to convince himself rather than you.

“Maybe,” you admitted, your lips curving into a sly smile as you trailed up to his jaw. “But that's never stopped us before, has it?”

Heeseung exhaled shakily, his hands twitching at his sides as if debating if he should pull away from you or pull you closer. His gaze flickered down to your lips for what felt like the tenth time, then back up to meet your eyes.

“Come on, Hee.” you whispered, almost like a plea as you leaned in your head closer to his. “Show me why I can’t seem to let go of you.”

That was it. His hands finally moved—not to push you away, but to grip your waist, pulling you against him. His lips crashed onto yours, the kiss desperate, almost punishing. It was messy and filled with all the unresolved emotions neither of you had dared to admit aloud.

Nothing else existed as his lips were on yours. Not the party, not the girl he’d been with earlier, not even the reasons you’d broken up. Just the two of you, tangled up in each other once again.

When he finally pulled back, his forehead rested against yours, his breath warm against your skin. “This is a mistake,” he murmured, though his hands on your waist told a different story.

“Then let’s make it together,” you whispered, pulling him back in before he could change his mind.

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arsenysworld · 11 hours ago

Text

"Dance the Mood Away"

Vi x Male Reader

The dim glow of Zaun’s neon haze seeped through the windows of the cramped apartment. Vi sat slouched on the weathered couch, her head resting in her hands. Her freshly dyed black hair—an impulsive decision to match her mood—spilled over her face. She fiddled with a loose thread on her leather jacket, her boots kicked up on the coffee table like a barricade against the world.

Y/N leaned in the doorway, arms crossed, observing her with a soft smile. He’d seen Vi in all her forms: the unbreakable fighter, the hardened protector, the stubborn hothead. But tonight, she was... closed off.

“You’ve been quiet all day,” he said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, well,” she muttered, not lifting her gaze. “Not really in the mood for small talk.”

Y/N pushed off the frame and stepped closer. “Good thing I wasn’t offering small talk.”

Vi sighed heavily. “What’re you gonna do, Earth Boy? Talk me out of my mood? Trust me, it doesn’t work like that.”

“I know,” he replied, his tone playful. “But I’ve got something better.”

Vi raised her head just enough to shoot him a skeptical look. “Better than leaving me alone?”

“Much better.”

Ignoring her glare, Y/N pulled out his phone, tapping through his playlist with the precision of someone on a mission. He smirked as he turned the volume up and placed the phone on the counter.

The opening chords of “Disco” by Surf Curse filled the room, the sound bouncing off the walls like it was meant to wake the dead:

"And I can't help it with you

Stubborn-hearted, blue."

Vi’s eyebrows knitted together. “What the hell is this?”

“A cure,” Y/N said with a grin as he stepped into the center of the room. Without missing a beat, he started swaying his hips, snapping his fingers in an exaggerated rhythm.

Vi groaned, dragging her hands down her face. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“Oh, I’m very serious,” he said, twirling dramatically. “You, Vi, are gonna dance with me.”

“Not a chance,” she said flatly, sinking further into the couch.

“Come on,” Y/N teased, pointing at her with both hands like some cheesy lounge singer. “Don’t make me dance alone. That’s just cruel.”

She snorted, though the corners of her mouth betrayed the faintest twitch of a smile. “Cruel is making me watch this.”

"Lights come into the room

When disco plays our tune."

Y/N extended a hand toward her, his grin widening. “One dance, Vi. I promise, it’ll make you feel better.”

She tilted her head, staring at his outstretched hand like it was a grenade. “You’re insane.”

“Maybe. But you’re the one who fell for me, so what does that say about you?”

Her glare softened into something closer to amusement. With a dramatic sigh, she shoved herself off the couch. “Fine. But only because you’re too stubborn to quit.”

“That’s the spirit!” Y/N cheered, grabbing her hand and pulling her into the middle of the room.

Her movements were stiff at first, her arms awkwardly positioned as he tried to guide her into a makeshift waltz. “You’re terrible at this,” she said, wincing as his foot collided with hers.

“Hey, I’m doing my best here,” Y/N shot back, spinning her in a clumsy circle. “You’re the one with combat training. Shouldn’t you be light on your feet?”

“I fight people, not waltz with them,” she retorted, though a laugh slipped out before she could stop it.

"Cause there's nothing like it

Not like the way you move."

As the music picked up, so did their movements. What started as an attempt at elegance devolved into chaos. Y/N twirled her too fast, and they both nearly toppled over, sending the coffee table skidding across the floor.

Vi burst out laughing, the sound loud and unrestrained. “You’re worse than I thought.”

“Excuse me, I’m nailing this,” he said, puffing out his chest dramatically before pulling her into another spin.

Her grin widened, her black hair flying around her as they stumbled through the room. It wasn’t graceful or coordinated, but it was perfect in its own ridiculous way.

"I can try, but I can't hide it from you

'Cause I can't wait for you."

Y/N, caught up in the moment, dipped her low with a flair that was more enthusiasm than skill. Vi yelped, clutching his shoulders to keep from falling. “Careful, dumbass!”

“Relax, I’ve got you,” he said, his voice smug despite the fact that he was teetering on the edge of dropping her.

When he finally pulled her upright, they were both breathless, their faces inches apart. For a moment, the world outside—Zaun’s grime, the weight of their struggles—faded into nothing.

"I can't wait for you

I can't wait for you."

As the final notes of the song faded, they collapsed onto the couch in a heap, laughing like kids. Vi shoved his shoulder playfully. “That was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.”

“And yet, you’re smiling,” Y/N pointed out, leaning back with a satisfied grin.

She rolled her eyes but didn’t deny it. “You’re lucky you’re cute, you know that?”

“Cute enough to fix your mood?”

“Barely,” she teased, though the soft kiss she planted on his cheek said otherwise.

The room fell quiet, save for the faint hum of Zaun outside. Vi leaned back, her head resting against his shoulder.

“Thanks, Earth Boy,” she murmured, her voice softer than usual.

“For what?”

“For being an idiot,” she said, a small smile tugging at her lips.

Y/N chuckled, wrapping an arm around her. “Anytime.”

And as they sat there, tangled up in each other, the weight of the day didn’t seem quite so heavy anymore.

@fandomnerd9602 @jacenradio7 @6rookie-writer0110 @multi-fandom-enjoyer

#arcane #vi #arcane vi #vi x reader #v x you #vi x male reader #fanfic #league of legends

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animorphsficcommenter · 2 days ago

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I want to preface my reply here with the understanding that I agree with you on how a lot of these *are* double standards. But at the same time… I think there is a *legitimate* criticism laid against Cassie that I feel is being brushed off here. And when I say “criticism” I mean “character flaw she has”, in the same way that one could criticize Visser Three for being evil; it makes her character more complex, makes the book better, and it’s not bad to have!

But her decision to put Aftran in her head, to let Tom escape with the morphing cube, genuinely do put the whole world at risk. More than anyone else on the team, she struggles to set aside the close-to-her people instead of the world. In Percy Jackson, his fatal flaw was supposedly “loyalty”- he’d let the world burn for his friends. I don’t think that flaw was managed well there, but it reminds me of Cassie in theory.

Putting Aftran in her head to save Karen was a bad decision. It worked out really well, and I understood why she did it, and I don’t think that it makes her a Mary Sue that it worked out. That’s one of my utterly favorite books in the series. I love its message. *And* I think it was a bad decision. I think it put everyone else at risk, and the correct thing to do with the information she had at the time would have been to let Karen die rather than become a controller herself, and I think Cassie is the only one of the Animorphs who would have made that decision at that point in the war. Brushing this off as “The alternative was killing a 6-year old girl, and that tells us more about you than it does about her” is disingenuous, I think. Killing Karen *would* have been deeply deeply unpleasant, I’d have hated it, all of them would have hated it. But between “killing a six year old girl” and “exposing my entire team so that the whole planet falls to a life in slavery”, I know which one I’d pick, even if I *really wish a third option existed*. It’s a very legitimate thing to be upset with a character about, *even if* it’s incredibly realistic and very hard for anyone to do.

Similarly, the decision in book 50 to let Tom get away with the morphing cube- it worked out well, but it put the whole war at risk, and with the information she had it was the wrong decision. I think she is a *better character* for it; I think the story is better for it; I love Cassie. But I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that at that point in the war, no other Animorph would have taken that risk, and I don’t think it’s sexism to say “I think that that was a bad decision and this is my least favorite character as a result.” (And side note, she isn’t my least favorite character.)

They need her. They need someone to stand up for what’s right, to keep them from going too far. But she is *more likely* to go too far in the opposite direction than any of them. And that’s not a double standard; I’d be upset with any of them who knowingly took an action of that magnitude of risk. The others didn’t- except Jake, who gave up on the war in MM4, and I’m upset with him for doing that for exactly the same reasons. (With the exception of Nice Rachel in book 32 and Marco in book 42, both of which get passes for being literally brain damaged at the time.)

A similar thing goes for Rachel too, but a more interesting one here. Ax absolutely is bloodthirsty, and I’d even say *more* bloodthirsty than her. But the *narration* calls out Rachel as being the bloodthirsty one, over and over again. “Ax, get Rachel”, not “Rachel, get Ax”. Book 48 (which I love as a character study) is all about how Rachel reacts to the constant way the others treat her as bloodthirsty; we don’t get a similar book for Ax because they *don’t* treat him that way despite him being the one to suggest, e.g., flushing the Yeerks in 53, letting them starve in 7 without concern for the hosts.

So I think there absolutely is a sexism of sorts going on here, but I think it’s happening *in-universe too*, and I think a lot of people *out-of-universe* form their opinions based off of what the characters themselves think without doing deeper analysis to see what biases the characters have. And so I don’t think a discussion about this is complete without mentioning that aspect too.

So I'm putting together an In Defence of Cassie PowerPoint for a PowerPoint night with friends. Do you have any arguments for or against her? I trust your opinion and am curious.

Let's see.

"She's too powerful, too unique, too far-seeing, and not good enough for Jake! What a Mary Sue!"

Counterpoint: May I introduce you to the reigning champion fan favorite, Sad White Boy Tobias?

Only nothlit ever to regain the ability to morph

Only known human-andalite hybrid ever to exist

Regarded as savior by entire hork-bajir species

Entire existence is a time paradox the war hinges upon

Pulls the canonically "most beautiful girl in our grade", who turns down 6 or 7 other offers in favor of Bird Boy

Correctly predicted planetary ecology 65 million years in advance

Believed to be immune to 2-hour limit

In conclusion: y'all wouldn't be crying "Mary Sue" if Cassie was a sad white boy, and I can prove it.

"She's too weak and hand-wringing, and she never helps the war effort!"

Counterpoint: First of all, the fact that the same people say this in the same breath as "she's too powerful" is... telling. Secondly:

She saved the entire team's lives in #24, in #29, in #44, and in MM1, among others.

Specifically calling out #44 — that ending shows she is willing and able to be ruthless when her friends are in need. She doesn't like slaughtering human-controllers, but if the alternative is everyone she loves dying, then she'll fucking well do it.

Much like Jake (see: Sad White Boy), she's more willing to risk herself than her friends, hence the end of MM1

Her medical knowledge saves Marco from rabies, Ax from brain!appendicitis, and Tobias from bird flu.

Her survivalist knowledge saves everyone in #25 (the Arctic), MM2 (Cretaceous Era), #11 (rainforest), and #14 (desert).

In conclusion: Cassie's only idealistic-looking by the standards of this extremely morally gray team.

"She's so unfair to Jake!"

Counterpoint: Jake? The Jake who refused to speak with her for weeks? Jake who proposes marriage while they're still broken up? Jake who announces he'll never trust Cassie again because she [checks notes] saved his brother's life? That Jake?

Also:

She gives him tons of emotional support in #16, #21, #47, and other times he's feeling low.

They have a healthy argument where they air differences and come to an understanding in #9.

Did I mention he doesn't just dump her but ghosts her in the middle of the war's endgame?

They're teenagers. Their relationship isn't perfect, but it is built on open communication and mutual respect which is more than Rachel and Tobias can say

She's fighting a war, and PTSD for that matter. No, she doesn't have infinite emotional bandwidth.

In conclusion: Their relationship is fine, their breakup is mutual, and her behavior only looks bad if, once again, you're holding Cassie to a different standard than you are Jake.

"She shouldn't have trusted Aftran!"

Counterpoint: friendly reminder that the alternative was killing a 6-year-old for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. If that's what you think Cassie should've done, that tells us more about you than about her.

"She spends too much time moralizing!"

Counterpoint: this is a book series about war, not a friggin' video game. If you want moral pornography, go play Call of Duty. If you want sci fi realism, then you're going to have to accept that a majority of humans prefer not to kill their fellow humans if at all possible.

"She's a ripoff of [insert character here]!"

Counterpoint: literally every single one of these says more about the commenter than about the source work. "Every dystopia is set in the U.S." is the kind of thing only people who only read books by American authors would think. "All epic fantasy is Eurocentric" => tell me you only read books by white people without telling me. I'm glad you think Cassie is too similar to Willow Rosenberg, but there are at least 6 other stories in the known world, and I hear some of them even feature sweet/dorky/caring characters who are secretly ultra-powerful.

In conclusion: You don't have to like Cassie as a (fictional) person, but 85% of criticisms directed at her are bad-faith attacks on one of the 1990s' only fat Black female gnc ultra-powerful superheroes.

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admirationandromantics · 1 day ago

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Could you please write something about Chris or Josh with a virgin reader? How they'd react when they found out? How their first time would be like? Both of them strike me as virgins as well but idk🤷‍♀️

Yes, I also imagine both of them as virgins. Josh seems like he’s been all talk, no action. And Chris? Well, I feel that one is obvious. Anyways, I’ll do both in this post, and for the sake of the writing, the reader is the only virgin, not the guys. They’ve both had sex before. Just because it’s easier to work with. Anyway, enjoy <3

Chris

He’s not surprised when you tell him, he did not think you were, but the reveal gives him a little comfort as well. Why, you ask? Because he doesn’t need to match himself up to someone else. He’s confident in his ways, and that he can make you feel good, but at the same time, this guy will never stop being insecure, and that small part of it relieved him a little.

What he also does feel anxious about is the fact that he’ll be your first. And what do people say about their first time? Awkward, weird, nothing went as planned… He wants to make sure that your first time goes well, and that it was a good experience. “I promise, as long as I’m with you, I’ll be happy” “Yeah, yeah. But I’m gonna make you happy for another reason than that too”

If you are the VERY romantic type, he’ll set everything up. A nice dinner, candles, music etc. He wants you to remember this, and trust me, remember you will.

One of his goals is to drag out the foreplay as long as possible, wanting you to be drenched and needy for him. Better to go too slow than too quick. This makes the makeout session last way longer than necessary, and you’re starting to get impatient. “C-Chris, I need you now” “No, no, just a little bit longer” he whispers, hand in your hair, pulling you towards him.

It’s firstly when you start unconsciously grinding on his thigh that he finally understands how down-bad you are, and he starts working on your clothing. He’s fast and gentle with his hands, easily unclasping and removing your bra.

The cold air hitting your nipples while he admires you, hands groping and lips sucking. You can’t do anything but throw your head back, gripping his shoulders for support as he continues his assault.

You guys move on, getting each other's clothes off, and him getting on top of you, fingers digging into your heat as you whimper. He continuously asks if you’re okay, if you’re in pain or uncomfortable.

“You sure you want to keep going?” “Y-yes” “I can stop if-” “I swear, I’ll kill you if you stop now” “Oh? well then” a smile creeping on his lips as he drags out his fingers.

He positions himself, using your juices as lube as he slowly moves up and down, getting ready. “Okay, we’re gonna take this slow, okay?” You nod, taking a deep breath as he fills you up, small moans leaving your mouth. He leans over you, meeting your lips in a sweet kiss, swallowing each of your sounds while pressing into you.

“How’re you feeling?” “Fuck, just give me a couple of seconds” you whisper, adjusting and comprehending. He smiles, nodding and spending the time kissing your upper body, everything from your lips down to your breasts.

After a while, you give him the signal, urging him to start moving. He obliges, always watching your reactions attentively to be sure you’re okay.

As the night draws to a close, you spend the night in his arms, sleeping and cuddling. Of course, when you were done, he had a glass of water ready for you, packing you deep into the sheets and caressing your hair.

Josh

Josh is not surprised that you’re a virgin. His suggestive comments here and there getting you so riled up that he only made the assumption. He does not feel that much pressure, only wanting your time with him to go well.

He can be really romantic, each touch he makes both attentive and calculated. When you’re making out, he’s respectful until you ask him not to be, causing a rougher man to grope and bite you. He still doesn’t go the full way, wanting to be careful and make sure that some type of trust is established before going to second base.

One day, you’re laying on his bed, a movie playing in the background when your attention turns to each other. This leads to a long make out session, clothes thrown across the room, but still not going further than your underwear.

You’re hot and bothered, wanting him to take you right now. You smile as you feel him growing hard beneath you, reciprocating that craving. Thighs around his torso, ass on his pelvis, you lean down, leaving kisses on his neck and asking. “Josh, I want you” “Right now? Are you sure?” “Yes”

He spins you around, making you gasp from your back hitting the mattress. His hands wander over your chest, going behind and unclasping your bra. You sit up a bit, helping him take it off, throwing the garment on the floor.

“And you want to do this?” “Yes, I do” “Right now” “Are you not up for it?” “Holy fuck, I’m holding back with every fiber of my being” “Stop holding back”

He watches you while pushing himself into you, making sure that you’re not getting hurt, and can stop at any time. He captures your lips in his, both of your moans filling the room every time you stop for air.

“Fucking hell, you’re so tight” You can only whimper in reply, feeling him fill you up, struggling to control himself as he wants to ravage you. He gives you time to adjust, letting you signal to him when he can start moving.

When you’re done, he holds you, praising you and asking how it was. He’s attentive and sweet, asking if you would like a bath or a shower.

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haru-dipthong · 2 days ago

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Fansub release + Analysis of Utena Ep 18

There's a lot of ideas packed into this episode about patriarchy and what it means to become a man. This is an issue that I've personally done a lot of reflecting on, and also something I've been reading about recently with bell hooks' The Will To Change, so this episode I'll be doing a little more textual analysis than usual and comparing readings of Utena with bell hooks.

Utena: つわぶき君はよく続くなー。僕だったらあの生活三日も持たないや。 Anthy: きっと好きだからできるんですよ

Utena: I don't know how he does it. I wouldn't last three days being bossed around like that. Anthy: If you loved someone, you'd understand.

This line is soooo revealing. It really shows how Anthy thinks about love. And god, the way she says it — so condescending to Utena with the んですよ. Like “you poor naive thing who has never experienced love, I know better than you do”. It sounds very "you'll understand when you're older". And it tears me up inside to see Anthy believing that she is the one who knows better. Even Utena’s naivity is better than Anthy’s horrible warped idea of what love is. And obviously the reason Anthy essentially takes a stand behind the idea that love is unconditional servitude is because of her curse and her relationship with Akio. She is obliged to be at the beck and call of her betrothed, a position of love. And she has learnt from Akio that love is running yourself into the ground, from his time serving the people as Dios. And her relationship with Akio, a familial relationship that is traditionally one of love, is essentially slavery. What else can she do, how else can she live with herself, if not by telling herself that this is what love is meant to be?

A more literal translation of Anthy's line would be something like "I'm sure he can do it because he loves her". But her tone and phrasing in Japanese makes it clear that she's extrapolating - she's thinking that anyone in love would do the same. That's why I translated the line the way I did.

I also tried "That's just what love is" but it didn't sound condescending enough. I needed Anthy to sound like Utena's mum in this exchange, because that's how she sounds in Japanese.

大人になりたい！大人になって世界をめちゃくちゃにしてやりたい！

I want to grow up! I want to become a man so I can fuck up the world!

Oh god oh fuck. What is happening to our little Mitsuru… who could have predicted this?! Well, bell hooks did:

Boys are encouraged by patriarchal thinking to claim rage as the easiest path to manliness. It should come as no surprise, then, that beneath the surface there is a seething anger is boys, a rage waiting for the moment to be heard. The Will To Change pp. 44

In isolation they lose the sense of their value and worth. No wonder then that when they reenter a community, they bring with them killing rage as their primary defence. pp. 43

The word めちゃくちゃにする is difficult to translate. It’s a word used often in casual conversation, so it doesn’t sound very formal or proper. It kind of means “to throw into complete disorder; to make everything a complete mess”. E.g.

その地震は何もかもめちゃくちゃにした

The earthquake destroyed/smashed up everything.

In this context though, “destroy” or “smash up” doesn’t work because we’re not talking about buildings and furniture, we’re talking about “the world”. Other translations try their best to translate this line without swearing (I want to become a man and wreck the world! // I want to be an adult and just kick over the whole world! // I want to a grown up, and just… just do whatever I want with the world!). But I really don’t think it’s possible. THE translation for めちゃくちゃにする in this context is “to fuck up”.

経験を積んだ大人を倒してこそ子供は大人になる

But a kid who beats an adult… will become an adult himself!

Maybe I’m reading too much into the word 倒す here, but allow me to digress: I don’t think this translation is particularly controversial. 倒す literally does mean “beat”. But I originally had this as “defeat”, a much less violent word (also used by the one of the translations I’m using as reference). However, I think “beat” is better for several reasons.

First, 倒す is a word that comes up a lot in anime and manga targeted at the 12-16 year old boy demographic. “Beat” is similar — “can superman beat goku in a fight?” It has the same schoolyard feel to it. Using a word like this emphasises Tsuwabuki’s boyishness.

Secondly, while 倒す means “to defeat”, this meaning is actually metaphorical. Its literal meaning is “to knock down/to fell”. I’m guessing the “defeat” meaning comes from its use in boxing, where knocking someone down is equivalent to defeating them. Because of this, the original Japanese could be interpreted more literally — Tsuwabuki wants to batter an adult, he wants to prove his manhood by beating a woman, by knocking her down. I think this reading is reinforced by Tsuwabuki’s violent patriarchal outburst in the Seminarium elevator.

Another except from bell hooks’ The Will To Change (emphasis mine):

Researchers found that boys agreed that to be truly manly, they must command respect, be tough, not talk about problems, and dominate females. pp. 42

And another:

Boys who are allowed to assume the role of “mini patriarch” are often violent toward their mothers. (…) Obviously, as small boys they do not have the strength to overpower their mothers, but it is clear that they see the use of violence to get their needs met as acceptable. pp. 61-62

As always, thank you to my editor @dontbe-lasanya for their amazing editing skills! This project wouldn't be possible without you!

Remember to follow the blog if you want to stay updated with new episode releases. For all episodes released so far, go here:

Rose divider taken from this post

#revolutionary girl utena #rgu #utena #shoujo kakumei utena #sku #utena fansub #translation #utena analysis #japanese language #japanese #langblr #official blog post

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anincompletelist · 1 day ago

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ㅤ♡ end of 2024/start of 2025 fic recs! ㅤ♡

my previous recs can be found under this tag!

happy new year everyone! :D I have been so far behind on my tbr list lately but I have managed a few that I've thoroughly enjoyed and felt like sharing! it is by no means a complete list - ha - but I grabbed a few I'd made note of in case anyone is looking for recs.

happy reading and a very happy new year to you all! x

in no particular order:

ㅤㅤㅤSweet Rivalry | bleedingballroomfloor | E | 11k

“Hunter’s entering again,” Alex explains before Henry can finish, “and somehow, that fucker beat both of us, even though he has half the skill of both of us combined. We’ve dominated the bake off year after year. If we want to see him go down, this is the only way to ensure that.” Henry blinks. “So you want to —” “Gang up so we can beat the shit out of Hunter, yeah. Were you even listening to anything I just said?” [Or, Alex and Henry are rival bakers day-to-day, but a newcomer in the Park Slope Christmas Cookie Bake-Off has them becoming a lot closer than originally planned.]

All my promise and my pride (all my fear and all my fight) | @kiwiana-writes | E | 10k

“And the thing is, I get it.” He grips his phone hard enough that he knows he’s risking cracking the screen again, barrelling forward before Henry can interrupt him with bullshit platitudes. “They’re both out there trying to fix the whole damn world to make it a little better for their trans son, but fuck, I miss being able to come home and having that be the one place I didn’t have to deal with any bullshit, you know?” The silence that follows is so absolute, Alex pulls the phone away from his ear to check that the call hasn’t dropped. “Henry?” “I’m here.” Henry’s voice is cracked and hoarse, and he must realise it at the same time Alex does, because he clears his throat before speaking again. “Alex, I don’t—did you mean to tell me that?” [Or, Alex is a stealth trans guy. That doesn't stop canon from barrelling ahead.]

(of everyone i ever knew) i'm giving it all to you | @alasse9 | T+ | 18k

[In a world where the be-all and end-all of relationships is determined by soul resonance, Henry can’t have a soulmate and Alex experiences soul resonance in such a disruptive way that he just doesn’t want one. Against all odds, this is their story.] So he obediently shuffles after June and Nora to say hello, trying his very best not to get distracted by all the connections his brain is shouting at him about. He’s actually trying so badly not to get distracted that he ends up not realizing it’s his turn to say hello to Prince Henry until he’s right there in front of Alex, holding out a hand, and it means he doesn’t have time to register much outside of wow, are his eyes really that blue? and that’s less of a smile and more of a grimace before their hands touch. And for the first time since puberty hit, it’s not a sensory shock, it doesn’t feel like someone’s soul is shouting at him. It’s peaceful. It’s— “Quiet,” Alex whispers. “Your soul is so quiet.”

hit me(n) baby one more time series | @bananzie | M | 15k

(no summary for the series as a whole but it's a&h as hit men! beautiful and captivating, and feel free to check out their entire whumptober as well if it's your thing -- it typically isn't mine but I ADORED all the works in the series!)

Whole Package Babe (I Like The Way You Fit) | @fairflowered | E | 3k

The thing is — they’ve talked about this. They’ve talked about it a lot, Henry fucking Alex. The mechanics of it, the things they’d need to order, if that was even something either of them wanted. (They wanted it).

King Alex and the Little Prince | @smc-27 | M | 16k

“We’ve a proposal. As a show of good faith, Her Majesty is willing to ally our kingdoms the old fashioned way.” Alex glares across the table. “What does that mean?” Philip tips his chin up. “There is a prince. He is yours if you’d like him.” Oh, for fuck’s sake.

and that's all for now! my goal is to finally get around to reading both more fic and physical books in the near future, so I will keep you all updated as I go along :D

#fic recs #my fic recs #rwrb fic #red white and royal blue fanfic #firstprince #alex and henry #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor

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scho17 · 7 hours ago

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Undead Twins AU

Knowing that your little brother had family and didn’t think he could trust you with it is a different type of guilt.

It’s a guilt in knowing that those tires he was going to steal off your fathers car wasn’t just meant for a quick turn around, that it was meant to sustain an entire other person. It’s knowing that Jason had likely allowed himself to be taken in as a trial run before deeming it safe enough for his sibling. It’s knowing that Jason had found it lacking. It’s knowing that the Wayne’s may have held his wellbeing in their hands but they never held his trust.

And maybe, just maybe, Jason was right for that.

Dick watches a young scrappy thing settle in front of Jason’s grave. The boy looks just like his brother. Only older. Not fifteen. He looks like a Jason Todd who finally grew into his big hands and broad shoulders. Dick could almost pretend this stranger is his little brother. Almost.

He's sat on the uncomfortable ground. Dick knows its uncomfortable, he’s sat there too on the anniversary that Bruce refuses to leave the manor on. Too busy staring at a suit in a glass case, waiting, listening, hoping for that bell like laughter to chime once again in the stale air of the cave. He knows because he’s sat there in that very spot that boy is in and played music from bands his little brother liked, read him his favorites until his voice went hoarse, the classics that Dick could never quite enjoy with all their complicated flowery language.

But there that haggard teenager is, tired and still finding it within himself to gently hold a bouquet in his calloused palm placing it on the tomb of his brother like its the most important thing he’ll ever do. There’s a slim smile on the boys lips as he reads over Jason’s engraved name, running his finger tips across it. His smile is small and soft. Private in a way that Dick knows he’s intruding upon just by laying witness.

And then, then he speaks.

He talks casually, like its any other conversation. Like he isn’t in a grave yard. Like Jason Todd isn’t six feet beneath him. He talks about stargazing, talks about Jason wanting to leave behind Gotham, staying because he felt he had to. He talks about daisies and dandelions. He says goodbye to his big brother and Dick thinks that it must feel agonizing to be older than your big sibling. To reach an age they never did and still keep going with out them.

Jason Todd had a little brother and Dick Grayson never knew. There has always been anger simmering beneath his skin and Dick has always been good at anger but he’s better at grief. Guilt has always come easy and this is no different.

“No, shut up this is so not funny. I don’t even know what I did but now I’ve got a bird on my tail and he won’t stop making sad eyes at me Jay.”

“It’s a little bit funny.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“You are too so I think it might be genetic.”

“Insufferable. Really. By the way, do you know how hard it is to try and lose the Wayne’s attention? I swear it’s like someone left me in a wet cardboard box on the side of the road and they just thought ‘yeah, you’re coming home with me’ like I’m some pathetic half drowned cat.”

“It’s too late for them, I already took you home first. Finders keepers.”

Danny groaned and slumped into his brothers shoulder “tell them that. Besides, isn’t Nightwing supposed to be based in Bludhaven? Whats he doing in Gotham?”

“Yeah, but he’s Nightwing. He does his own thing. At least Robin isn’t onto you yet.”

“And there you go jinxing it. Watch he’s going to show up while I’m out and about and scold me for being affiliated with you.”

“Well that little shit can go eat rocks. He already stole everything else, he’s not allowed to steal my little brother too.”

“We’re only a few hours apart.”

“You’ll always be a baby in my eyes, Danny.”

“I loathe you.”

DC x DP - Two of a Kind

Danny running away from his home dimension for such and such reasons (GIW, bad reveal, etc, etc) cue him stumbling around Gotham because holy mother of ambient ectoplasm, Batman.

So anyways he’s just chilling in crime alley, as a struggling guy in Gotham does and then. And then there’s someone else. Looks exactly like him. Not like how he and Dani look similar, her features just softer and rounded with babyfat, no, no, this guy looks exactly like him. Down to the barely there scattering of freckles on the nose bridge.

It’s Jason Todd. Danny is his dimensions version of Jason Todd.

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onionpainter · 19 hours ago

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just found your blog, I think your paintings are absolutely gorgeous! I've been wondering, what draws you to work with oil paints above other mediums? I've found them very tricky to work with in the past and I'm fascinated by the depth and cleanliness you can bring to them

Hello there, thank you for asking! I’m very glad to hear you enjoy my work :) I have many reasons why I must work in oil, allow me to offer you this numbered list. I am very normal about it.

The art which I have grown up loving and aspiring to make was largely made with oil. It is my strong feeling that if you want to recreate an art style, the easiest way to achieve this is to use the same medium in the same way that the original artist made their work in. All mediums have their own idiosyncrasies and it is far more practical to use the same medium than to try to recreate the effect of one medium through another medium. I learned this the hard way trying to achieve the particular look of paint tool SAI, first through drawings coloured with water based paints, then with clip studio paint. It is better to use the same materials that your chosen art movement used if you want to work accurately in the style. I was asked once why I don’t use watercolour. I don’t use watercolour because I can’t make an oil painting out of it.

They are difficult to gain control over. This seems like a point against them, but let me tell you why this is a point in their favour for me. There was a time in my digital illustration career when I hit a very brutal plateau. I was very bored and I strongly disliked working on my commissions. Digital art had ceased to be particularly hard in terms of program handling, but my drawing skills were weak at the time. I decided I needed something properly difficult, and not having had time or space until that point to work in oil, I took it up again. Being so unpracticed and unskilled, it was very punishing, frustrating, and unrewarding, and by the end of my painting practice I would be begging to return to the relative ease of my digital work. Of course, there is only so long that I can engage with a skill before I fall into a bottomless pit of commitment.

Another point regarding difficulty and maybe more importantly, perceived difficulty. I am a highly competitive person, some might say pathologically. And since oil is often seen as the most difficult medium [although I would say, again, it is the easiest thing to make an oil painting out of] there is then less overall competition within the medium than there is in water based mediums for example. I compare this to another scenario, that of horse training. Why would a horse trainer choose to work with feral, unhandled mustangs, when you can work with a nice horse who has been handled and conditioned from foalhood? One reason is to show very high level horsemanship. If you train a mustang then you really know how to train horses. Technical difficulty can be dealt with, it is only a matter of hundreds of hours of work. Oversaturation of a niche, however, is a much more difficult problem, which is also out of my personal control. I’d rather prove myself against one oil painter than three acrylic painters.

On the topic of perceptions, oil is commonly seen as the most valuable type of painting. I’m not saying that’s a fair perception, just that it exists. Often when people think of “good paintings” the paintings they imagine are typically in oil. I’m sure we’ve all seen particularly dynamic fotografs compared to oil paintings. This has two functions for me, one, that I can make these objects of perceived value, which please and entertain. The second function of them is to legitimize myself as an artist in the eyes of the general public. Digital art is a commonly devalued and little known or cared about art form, even though so much incredible contemporary art is of digital mediums. Unless someone is already involved in digital art communities, it can be difficult for them to relate to it or even imagine what it could be, or how it is made, even though it permeates society. Digital art is seen as low art. On the other hand, the first thing that comes to mind for people when they think of art or “Fine Art” is usually oil paintings. There are significant social advantages to being able to say “I am a painter” versus the awkwardness of having to admit “I am a digital illustrator” with all of the confusion and skepticism that brings. Again, I don’t bring this up in order to champion this line of thinking, I am just saying that this perception exists.

On a technical level, there is something about oil. The textures and handling needs of the different pigments and mediums, and the physical feeling of manipulating all of it is something I cannot do without. My teacher who first introduced me to oil compared it as painting with melted butter against the feeling of painting with glue or toothpaste, which he felt about acrylic paint. This is a matter of opinion, but one I agree with. There are tactile sensations which only exist in oil, and the longer drying time allows for much more mixing on the palette. I would be furious if I spent time mixing a colour only for it to dry and become unusable within the hour.

The dangers involved, both to the art in terms of archival quality, and to myself in terms of poisoning or fire, make this medium into something that demands strict attention. Many of my materials can kill if I do not handle them correctly. To me, this immediate danger brings the specter of death from the shadows and defangs him, transforms an unknown terror into a banal familiar matter. These materials might harm me, but instead they help me and they are my dear familiar companions. My duty is just to honour and steward them well and help them fulfill their purpose, which is to please and entertain.

In terms of my recommendation of this medium to others, I would recommend it if you are the kind of person who can withstand slow progress and who wants to earn something hard. Beginnerhood typically lasts a long time with these materials, unless you are a particularly strong painter in other mediums already and have a good teacher. I wouldn’t know because I am the initially unskilled type. A warning for the initially skilled people reading this: there will come a time in your practice when your initial skills are no longer adequate for the task ahead. I suggest you learn how to work hard before you come to this point so it will be less devastating for you. Enjoy the simple struggles of your beginning, even if it may overall be very boring. Lose yourself within it. The milestones of the intermediate stage are much farther apart than those in the beginner’s fight.

With regards to your comment on cleanliness, first I thank you, that is very kind. I allow myself to work slowly and try to control my impulsivity. Speed will come with time and experience, I am content with a slow and measured process for now.

#asks

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amethystandemma · 1 day ago

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The Dance

I ended up writing this in like two hours? Which is very fast for me. I have a sore on my right foot from the dancing and jumping I did, but it's worth it.

Enjoy Radiant resisting the urge to murder her cousins at her wedding.

As always, comments, likes, and reblogs are appreciated.

Word Count: 890

Tags @butternutt613, @rypnami, @glasswood-shipper and @starry-slithers

Radiant collapsed on a chair next to Fred and George, her breathing heavy and face flushed. Wordlessly, she lifted up her right leg, showing off the swollen foot.

“I don’t think I could dance anymore even if I tried.” she laughed.

George raised an eyebrow. “Not even with your youngest cousin dancing with your husband?”

Fred snickered.

“Ha ha. Very funny.” Radiant rolled her eyes. “You two are hilarious.”

She sat against the chair, the sound of her heavy breathing drowned out by the music.

After a second, she sat up.

Sure enough, Ginny was dancing with Oliver in the center of the white tent. In all fairness, it looked like they were doing more talking than dancing, but her arms around his neck still wasn’t a welcome sight.

The bride gritted her teeth together and turned to her smirking cousins. She forced a smile on her face.

“I’m fine, boys, really.” said Radiant through clenched teeth. She held up her hand, showing off the shiny new wedding ring on her finger. “Do you see this ring? He’s mine.”

“Don’t worry Radiant, we believe you.” said George.

“Definitely.” agreed Fred.

Both snickered again.

The three cousins sat in silence.

“I hate you both.”

Radiant got to her feet, causing them both to laugh. With a small huff, she pulled her hair out of the complicated braided bun her Aunt Molly spent an hour working on, letting her red waves fall to her shoulders.

Much better.

She made her way through the dancing couples, saying hello to a couple of relatives as she bumped into them. Prewett weddings usually brought a lot of guests, which meant they needed a large area to host at. Luckily, the Burrow had a lot of space to spare.

Right as Radiant was about to tap on Oliver’s shoulder, she felt someone grab her wrist and pull her close, away from him. The music quickened, and she found herself dancing with Bill.

“What are you doing?”

“Sorry Radiant.” Bill grinned. “I just realized you never danced with your favorite cousin yet.”

“Oh really? Where is he?” Radiant pulled back as he spun her. “Because you’re not my favorite cousin anymore William!”

Two large arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her close. Radiant looked up at the grinning face of Charlie.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder, Rad.” A somewhat confused look went across his face. “At least, I think that’s the saying? I’m not really interested in anyone.”

“You’re right Charlie. Now let me go.”

“Done.”

He lifted her up, tossing her to another redheaded individual.

Radiant and Percy danced together, the only sound coming from the heels of their shoes tapping the ground.

“They got you in on this too?” Radiant asked after a second.

“Unfortunately.”

“Thanks for the honesty, Perce.”

She felt a hand wrap around each of her wrists, pulling her away. She danced with Fred, who had a large smile on his face.

All around them, guests started to clap in sync with the music.

“This was your idea, wasn’t it, Fred?”

“I’m not F-”

“Oh shut it. I know it's you.”

George rested his chin on her shoulder as he lifted her arm up. His green dress robes swirled around her legs as they both jumped.

The clapping grew quicker, as did the music. Radiant was starting to work up a sweat as she moved faster and faster on her already sore feet. Still, despite how tired she was feeling, a grin slowly made its way across her face.

“Oi, Fred, look! The bride is smiling!” shouted George.

“This bride is going to kick your sorry arse if you don’t let me go, George Weasley.”

“I don’t doubt that. Here Ron!”

A second later, Radiant found herself shuffling awkwardly with Ron, who was staring down at their feet. His long fingers entangled themselves against her shorter calloused ones.

“Your dancing has improved since the Yule Ball.” said Radiant.

Ron’s face flushed red. “I… uh… thanks.”

He let go of her hands, letting Arthur Weasley step in. Arthur smiled down at his niece, which she returned without hesitation.

“Just one more,” Arthur whispered.

Zachary Glasspetal stepped in front of him, taking her hand in a seamless transition. The two siblings moved in perfect time, spinning around the center of the tent just like they did when they were younger.

Like they did with Arthur Glasspetal.

“You look radiant, Radiant.” Zachary whispered, making the pun he had made millions of times beforehand.

“And you look stupid,” muttered Radiant, fighting back tears.

“As usual.”

He raised her hand, gently kissing the back of it. Then, he spun her and let go.

Radiant fell against Oliver’s body right as the song finished. Both of their chests rose and fell together as they tried to catch their breath.

“Glasspetal.” Oliver smirked down at her. “Fancy seeing you here.”

Radiant turned, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I think you’re forgetting something, Ace.” Radiant rested her forehead against his. “I’m a Wood now.”

“Aye.” said Oliver. He tiled up her chin. “You are.”

When he kissed her, it felt the same as it always did. She felt safe and warm and as if she could take on the world as long as they were together.

And there was no place she’d rather be.

Wattpad | Ao3

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noirsdoll · 1 day ago

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Love love your Dad Curly x Daughter Reader stuff! What if one day Curly gets a gf (it could be Anya or some random woman) and the Reader comes up with a plan to break them up (what that actual plan is can be up to you). Can't have another woman take her daddy away after all..

need this... reader running everything behind the scenes and curly is just oblivious to it all!! this is so long i got lost in the sauce LMAO cw for father/daughter incest and dubcon! also smut!

Your dad has a new girlfriend.

He met her at a ski slope, he was impressed by her skills— like skiing is hard. You can ski too, you just choose not to, you're better suited to things other than fucking skiing. She’s just a loser.

As you've gotten older, you've noticed that Curly's choices in who he dates have begun to bear more and more resemblance to you. But their personalities are trash— whiny, inconsiderate, not good fits for your dad who is sweeter than honey.

Whatever. This new girlfriend will just be another phase. They only last a handful of months before Curly breaks them off, quietly admitting to you a week later that it was because they were nothing like Mom. Then he looks at you like he's staring through you, like you're a shopping list he's memorizing before his next trip.

You expected she would be the same as the others. Problem is, this relationship is approaching a year steady, and you're getting annoyed. Why hasn't he gotten bored like he usually does? Are you the only one that can see through all her inane bullshit? You need to do something to stop this. And here it is, the final nail in the coffin:

She keeps trying to make you call her Mom.

You almost threw up the first time you heard it. "Stop calling me that, you know you can just call me Mom, right?" Your blood has never boiled hotter, you wanted to slap her.

But you didn't, because Curly was right there, beaming his brightest fucking smile. "Aw, there's my two girls getting along."

Two girls. Your stomach turned over and you promptly excused yourself. As you stared at your reflection in the mirror, so similar to hers that she could be confused for a skinwalker, the plan formed in your mind.

It wasn't difficult, really. One easily-guessable phone password later and you were in. Changing your saved name in her phone to a man's name with far too many heart emojis, you started a small conversation between her and you.

When the three of you are watching a movie, you send her a sneak text and her phone lights up. You try to hide your grin. "What's that?"

Curly, being the gentleman he always is, reaches to snag the phone for her. "Oh, I can read it for you...," his voice trails off as he stares at the message. "Babe, who is this?"

You watch from the corner of the couch as the fight ensues. She's bawling her eyes out, blackened tears soaking her face as Curly just looks at her like his soul has been leeched from his body. You feel bad for hurting him, but it was a necessary evil. Now he knows better than to go looking for someone else— you're right here.

And then she's gone, nothing but her irritating perfume as her memory. Curly collapses onto the couch with a sigh, running a hand down his face. "Sorry you had to see that, honey."

"It's fine, Dad," you loom closer, a hand on his thigh, "she was a bitch anyway."

He looks at you, confused. "Who told you to talk like that?" Curly's eyes are red with unshed tears. You wipe them away for him.

“I’m just being honest. What, you didn’t notice either?”

He looks at you, then away, pursing his lips. Curly has a habit of that, dismissing his opinion, bending and folding himself into something that mindlessly agrees because that is easiest.

You take that as an invitation to get closer, practically in his lap. "Are you okay?" You smooth his hair out of his face.

Curly sighs again, less laboured. "I just wish your mother was still here. Everything was easier when she was around."

"I look just like her, don't I?" Your old photos of her say just as much.

"Oh, yes," he smiles distantly, "you look more like her every day. I just worry that--"

"Then fuck me."

His eyes blow wide in disbelief. "What's gotten into you?"

The radius between you is so short that you can feel his warm breath against your skin, the only thing that’s separating you two is a thin layer of air and clothes. “You don’t want to?” He must want to, his dating history points towards it, the way he looks at you, everything.

Curly squeezes his eyes shut with a held-back groan. “You can’t just ask me things like that, sweetheart.” He looks at you with weathered eyes. “It’s wrong, it’s—“

But then you’re kissing him and suddenly it isn’t wrong, because he kisses back with just as much fervour. Curly’s hands swallow your waist up and he tugs you against him. You’re taking advantage of him in a vulnerable state and you could not give less of a shit, because he’s grinding you against his cock.

Your hands scramble for his pants, you finally have him, after years and years of scaring away every girl that tried to take your dad away, it’s all paid off because you’re the one getting stretched open around him. He eases himself into you. You’re so full of cock you swear his tip is nudging your brain.

Curly rests his forehead on your shoulder, fucking up into you as your nails drag along his back for purchase. Each experienced cant into your pussy has tears budding in your eyes. You think he says your mother’s name at some point, but you’re too lost in the moment to care.

You slowly move with him, finding a rhythm that relieves that lifelong ache in your gut— an innate pull towards him. The unhurried movement of your hips feels so good, heat fizzling up your spine and erupting in sparks behind your eyes.

You kiss him open-mouthed, one part moaning and the other sobbing as he has you how he wants, tugging you up and down his cock, stuffing you over and over again.

Curly cums with a gasp, his hips pressed firmly to yours as he buries every last spurt deep inside you. Instantly, he realizes his mistake, pulling away, his blue eyes filled with horror.

“I didn’t mean to— fuck, I didn’t—“

And you just shush him and tell him it’ll all be fine, that you’ll take care of it. He won’t ever need to think for himself again if he stays with you.

#mouthwashing #curly x reader smut #mouthwashing curly #mouthwashing curly x reader #curly x reader #curly x you #curly mouthwashing #🕸️—asks #🕸️—drabbles

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cherry-smokes · 10 hours ago

Text

Don’t you want me baby?

AKA Steve doesn’t want you to meet his parents and you start spiraling Pairing: Steve Harrington x bassist!reader Word count: 1.2K Warnings: hurt/comfort because Steve is just too into Sugar to let her hurt too long.

You’ve always known you weren’t a ‘bring home to the parents’ kind of girl. Frankly you took a lot of pride in it. At the end of the day you didn’t want to meet the people who created the assholes you’ve dated before. Them not offering just took the pressure off your shoulders. Relationships were always just a fleeting, sometimes fun thing. Most guys got bored after realizing they prefer to be the rockstar instead of the groupie.

You’ve denied yourself the desire for love for a long time. It didn’t feel tangible before. So why would you plague yourself with the disappointment of not being enough for someone. It was easier to live that way.

Steve made you feel different. Steve made you feel like that part of you which you had locked away for so long finally had a space to run free. That you weren’t an idiot for thinking that there truly was someone out there who would love you unconditionally. It feels too soon to say that but you couldn’t stop the freight train that was Steve Harrington from crashing into the brick wall you had built around your heart.

That’s probably why this all hurts so much.

It hadn’t even felt like a big deal to you at the time.

“I could just meet you at your place?”

“Oh…no, no I’ll come pick you up.”

“You always pick me up, let me drive. I wanna take care of you this time.” it came out teasingly. With that goddamn smile that made Steve’s knees buckle and his heart beat so strong he could feel it all the way up to his shoulders.

“No just- I’ll pick you up”

“Do you think I’m a bad driver or something?”

He chuckled at that. “Considering the fact that Eddie taught you to drive, I’m doubtful of your abilities.”

“I’ll have you know I’ve never gotten a single ticket. So you should let me treat my pretty boy to a night out and let me make him my passenger princess for once.”You grab his face and kiss him sweetly. Teeth against teeth as you both smile, but his fades faster than yours does.

“My parents are home this weekend, you don’t want deal with them.”

“Who said I didn’t want to deal with them?”

“They’re a lot.”

“Well, so am I.”

“I just think it’s better if I pick you up, yeah?”

You’ve never had a smile wiped off your face so fast. You nod and lean away from him.

“Sure, whatever you want.”

Steve makes you feel…soft. Had it been any other guy this would have never bothered you, but Steve wasn’t any other guy. He was someone you had grown to really care for. Someone you actually saw a future with, or wanted to at least. So him not wanting you to meet his parents felt like a bad omen.

If we’re closer to your family, physically and in any other sense, you would have introduced Steve to them in a heart beat. The closest thing you had to that was Eddie and the guys, and Steve had already met them.

So yeah. This was a pretty big fucking deal to you. You know the kind of girls he’s dated before. Prim and proper. The kind of girls who go on to be beauty queens or valedictorians. That never bother you before, but now you’re thinking about every reason why he wouldn’t want you to meet his folks.

Your reputation isn’t…polished. You’re abrasive, and overwhelming to some people. You hang out with ‘freaks’ and you make a living off of playing in dive bars and bartending. None of that really screams ‘life long partner.’

Maybe that’s what he’s looking for. Maybe you’re just a stepping stone for him. Some crazy story he can tell his Wall Street friends one day when he finally decides to give into his father’s wishes.

You wish all of this wasn’t running through your mind right now. Sat on your couch with Steve’s arm around you. You feel tense. Like you don’t really fit next to him. It’s been this way all night. At dinner, in the car, even at the door step to your apartment when he asked if you wanted to watch a movie instead of calling it a night.

You know what’s coming. He’s too attentive to not notice. You’ve seen how he’s cowered into himself all night and the way his eyebrows have drawn together as you brush off his affection.

You don’t want to be cruel, but you get mean when you’re hurt. You’ve never known anything else. You wish you knew a better way to deal with it but you don’t and you can’t look at this man who makes you burn and lie to him like you have to others.

So when he asks you what’s wrong you can’t bring yourself to say it’s nothing.

“Are you ashamed to be with me?”

You feel it then. His arm tenses up and it moves away from around your shoulders as he leans back to look at you.

“What?”

“I know you heard me don’t make me repeat myself.”

He looks genuinely confused. Like he can’t understand why you’re asking this.

“Why would I be ashamed of you?”

“I don’t know Steve, you tell me.”

He looks you dead in the eyes. The weight of his gaze makes you feel heavy, like you’re sinking into yourself.

“I’m not ashamed of you I l-you know how I feel about you.”

You want to believe him. You want to so badly. You want to nod and agree and curl into his side so he’ll kiss your neck and whisper sweet nothings into your ear until you forget every horrible thing that’s ever happened to you both. But you can’t.

“You don’t want me to meet your parents.”

“No. I don’t.”

He’s like one of those Greek statues you see in museums. Gorgeous, and strong. The way he says it is…steadfast. One of the loveliest things about Steve is that he is stubborn…now it feels like one of the worst.

You don’t want to cry in front of him. You don’t want embarrass yourself so you choke it down like everything else and turn towards your television screen.

“Ok then.”

You rack through your brain trying to decide if you want to kick him out kicking and screaming or just let him go on his own. Before you can decide, his hand is on your face and he’s turning you towards him. His grip on your chin is tender but strong. Just like him.

“I can see those gears turning in your head. It’s not because I’m ashamed of you.”

Your eye twitches like it always does when you’re confused. He fucking adores it.

“You’re stubborn, and loud, and probably too honest for your own good. You’re…vulgar, and brilliant and you drive me fucking insane and you’re too goddamn good for my parents. They wouldn’t know what to do with you, I don’t know what to do with you but I’m so fucking thankful you’re letting me figure it out. I just want to keep you to myself so I can woo you long enough to not run away when you do meet them.”

Your bottom lip trembles. You’re thankful he doesn’t point out the quiver in your voice when you finally speak up.

“I’m not that stubborn.”

His smile is golden. You let him drag you into him as he presses his lips against yours. You want to savor it and keep him there forever but you can’t stop his hand moving from your chin and grabbing at your hair as he pulls your head back so he can he trail sweet pecks against your cheek and down your neck.

“Whatever you say Sugar.”

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Tiny little angsty blurb for you guys<3

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #stranger things #steve harrington au #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington angst #steve harrington blurb

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