#I’m mourning so bad

[kaitandcole]

I was standing outside my high school waiting to get picked up when I opened Instagram and saw the news, I thought it was a joke. Genuinely. Cut to me looking at @harryflorals on Instagram and all of my other fan accounts I follow to see if it was true. It was. My heart immediately felt heavier than it had in years. I am still filled with grief and shock. I feel for his son, Bear, who woke up without a father. I feel for his entire family, who is feeling one of the most complex, nuanced, and heavy feelings someone can experience: grief. I can’t imagine how the other boys are feeling. Grieving someone you have lost contact with or have bad memories with is so, so so hard and I know that feeling personally. Grief is devastating, it is confusing, it is paralyzing, it is all-consuming. When you’re a kid, in your mind the people you admire or look up to are immortal. They’re on a pedestal and therefore they cannot die. Especially if they are someone who, from a young age, was commodified and molded to be an object you could sell. It is shocking to be so abruptly brought out of that fantasy. I imagined being 50, having my children or my wife say “Did you hear (insert member here) died?”. I never expected to have to deal with this kind of grief until very later in life. I never thought I would be 17, scrolling through Tumblr and Instagram, trying to make sense of one of them dying so, so, so devastatingly young.

My second-grade teacher got me into One Direction, and over that year, I became a massive fan. I brought the boys up in every conversation—anyone who knew me back then can attest to that—and made them my whole personality. Sometime during the end of the second grade, they announced that they would be going on hiatus. I remember feeling numb and in shock, I had just gotten into them. When their History music video came out, my second-grade teacher, whom I still talk to, promised to premiere it on her projector at the end of class. I remember sobbing, my best friend at the time and I were holding each other. I was mourning, and grieving, and processing. That was a big thing for an 8-year-old to go through. What other loss does she know?

While having a family member be sick at home and eventually passing in the sixth grade, I regressed to my 8 year old self. I made One Direction my entire personality again. I lost friends because they “just didn’t understand it” (aka: they were sick of hearing me only talk about them). I would listen to One Direction all day at school, and read fanfiction on the school bus and before I fell asleep. I would watch any media I could get my hands on that involved them. They were my support, and my rock to fall back on during that hardship. After this family member passed away in March of 2020, just a week before lockdown happened, One Direction became even more of a support. I felt isolated and lonely but the online community and the fandom helped me feel like I had a place, and I know I’ll always be thankful for that of course. As I healed and found other coping mechanisms, I still kept them incredibly dear to my heart, leaning on them whenever I needed to.

Once the news broke about Liam's passing and everything that followed, it felt like everyone was coming together to mourn. People who have been active consistently for years, people who have been a bit more inactive (like me), and even people who got a platform from this community (Sarah Baska, Brittany Broski, etc). The community is the strongest it has been in awhile right now. We are all going through something so linear, and so complicated. We didn’t know him, but he was a part of all of our childhoods. I still have all of my old merch I’ve collected over the years. I look to my right and I see the throw pillow and body pillow that are tucked underneath my bed. I see my One Direction stuffed bear and my poster and the old, untouched electric toothbrush I thrifted when I was 12. I may not as big of a fan actively as I once was, but this grief still runs deep. He was infinitely too young and it hurts to think that he felt that way to do something like that.

To everyone who is also feeling this grief, I see you. You are not being dramatic. Your grief and mourning are completely valid.

[doodles-bi-tea]

claim your “I was a Lewis Pullman fan before Thunderbolts” ticket here! (in case he blows up in popularity any more than he might have after things like TGM and Lessons in Chemistry…)

[lilacjunimo]

my ending is this actually

[starspangledsteeve]

shout out to those who put themselves through severance s2 finale and sunrise on the reaping this week - we are gods strongest soldiers I guess

[dragonagegayz]

NFSW WARNING

Emmrich has a professor thing and here’s my totally unbiased evidence from my own fanfiction 😁

Imaginary Oz goes wild alright what can I say

[raddestrose]

every time I wear my headphones and I hear a heartbeat, there are a few seconds where I’m wondering if it’s cure or my own heartbeat 

[ackitscaramel]

CAESAR ZEPPELI in VOGUE, 1939

[peacheskoo]

So far here I’m giving Bruce the benefit of the doubt.

I’m not gonna condemn him and I think the outburst he had earlier towards Jason might have been what pushed him to find outside help even if he says that “it stays in the family”. Do I honestly think he would have put Jason on a mental institute? I really don’t think so, especially with him keeping their alter ego under wraps when going over what happened to Jason, and as I said, his previous idea of keeping their problems within the family I’m thinking he was bringing in a psychologist to help Jason but from their home.

The narration is in the pov of the lady psychologist and the excerpts tell us that Jason does end up talking to her because of how we have Jason going over how he felt during his fight with scarecrow, but also Bruce talks to her and also ends up telling her about their alter egos.

I think everything Bruce has done so far in this issue is out of love for Jason, it sucks that he didn’t tell Jason about the psychologist, but like it says Jason was pulling back more and more no matter what Bruce and Alfred did and I think Bruce didn’t know what else to do other than actually do the thing he said he didn’t want to do in the hopes of getting Jason help. Was it right? No. Is he trying? Yes because he cares so much but is still going to make mistakes. Jason’s trauma isn’t something that will just go away if they give him space and ignore it, he went through something horrible and the family is scrambling to find their footing again and I’m excited to see what they do moving forwards because seeing Bruce actually love Jason and care is a big yippee to me.

[asongofmarvelanddc]

mentally still here

[lesbianlenas]

law school is like imagine u r paying $70k to experience the worst never ending torture imaginable. and u make think this is an exaggeration but it isn’t. like u will experience the type of suffering meant to be outlawed in this country by the 8th amendment.

[sheltoner]

i was thinking sad thoughts (2016 warriors will never be back, my childhood is over, splash brothers are gone) and on the verge of tears and then american elegy starts playing

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

they call me the griever because halfway through a thing I enjoy I’m already sad that it’s closer to being over

[stoptakingthegoodname5]

so I saw this ad on Pinterest and I was like no way

NO FUCKING WAYYYYYY I NEEED ITTTTT

[coffbeanie]

Something something more marble hornets thoughts mixed with my wicked brainrot, something something, the marble hornets finale edited to No One Mourns the Wicked?? Just a thought

[bxbyxngxl]

I wish ppl would stop saying they’re excited for summer to end and autumn/winter to begin bc like yeah I get it it’s cosy and the colours are nice and all that. but but but what about warm sun on your face? What about it being light at 9pm? What about BBQs? What about tulips and sunflowers? What about fresh fruit tasting so so sweet? What about butterflies? What about BEES?

[theloveinc]

I didn’t have any craving to do this before but like. Enjin is truly pushing me to the point of needing to make a selfship side blog :/