#I’m like 99.99% sure I’m a lesbian

[sleepydrabbles]

I think the real reason I never got into dating as much as I should have is that tbh, it’s way too easy to hurt my feelings.

Case in point.

I invited a guy on a class trip to Kyoto last minute. He’s on exchange from the same university as me and has been pretty friendly, so I wanted to return the favor. I mean, I’d already helped him study and shit, and this was a pretty big class trip, and I’d only heard about it the day before, so it was fine, right? I checked with the leaders of the group and they said it was fine.

I had an amazing time… whenever he wasn’t in the vicinity.

To be VERY CLEAR: everything he did and said was not technically rude and logically not meant to be. He’s about 3 years older than me but a total beginner at Japanese, and I was slated to go into upper intermediate classes, so he asked me a lot of questions about words and how to say them. A lot. In fact I think it was the only thing he talked to me about on the train up, until I dozed off after he let me take an open seat. I felt like I was being quizzed.

Lost track of him while IN Kyoto. We went to fushimi-inari shrine, which is famous for foxes and perched on the side of a mountain. Halfway up to the mountain summit (which really wasn’t that far, just a fair amount of stairs) it started raining. To me this was awesome, I love rain. I got super excited and although I was careful when the rain got heavier, I did speed up because it no longer felt hot and muggy. At that point I pretty much lost him. The stairs were basically a waterfall on the last stretch but with another crazy foreigner as a safety partner I made it up to the top, at which point he texted me and let me know everyone was already at the bottom.

This totally didn’t make me freak out and nearly get lost trying to get down at all. Nope.

Found him at the bottom. He said he wanted to look for metal chopsticks. Pretty much all the chopsticks being sold were wood. He ducked into a store while we were waiting for a train to pass and I let the group leader know so he wouldn’t be left behind, only to end up being left behind with him and the student body member meant to help us find our way. We get to the train station okay, have a laugh because half the group got on the wrong train, and then he jokes about hopping platforms over the rails.

Dear reader, I’m not a saint. I am NOT. Especially not after worrying about his ass getting lost or stranded for no reason. I didn’t laugh. I said don’t. He gave me a long look and then said I was acting like a mom. Okay fine. Fine. I’m the oldest child in a big family. He pretends to brush it off. I know he’s pretending because he makes a side comment about how he’s cool with it, but won’t let people younger than him get away with it.

He does not realize how fast his favor is plummeting with me, because I’m an anxious little bitch and I don’t call him out on it.

We board the train for the Gion district. The ‘okay mom’ joke continues. I stop talking to him. He finds other people to talk to and ends up with a different group when we split off and the rest of the night is fun. I’m starting to realize that there’s a pattern there, and that maybe if he makes other friends he’ll have more fun, since he clearly has begun to see me as a nuisance. (That part could be the anxiety, but at that point I’d been soaked to the skin (good!), been on a train for a cumulative hour (bad!), and been worrying about someone who really could have handled themselves (bad!)) I buy souveniers, get to eat at a famous ramen place that actually doesn’t charge that much more for their food than any other ramen place I’ve been to, and even got to try the ten-yen bread that I didn’t know was such a THING until I touched down and a friend said they really wanted to try it. All in all a very good night.

On the way home I end up standing next to him on the train. He’s already made comments about how I’m a very conscientious person (which is really the anxiety. It’s always the anxiety. I know this because none of the other foreigners worried about walking on the right end of the street, making room for incoming passengers on the train, and making sure there was an exit route for people preparing to exit the train, as well as being on standby to offer cash if someone’s card didn’t work). He’s still on with the mom joke and trying to use me as a Japanese resource. He gets momentarily distracted talking anime with one of the lead students and mentions that he doesn’t like popular anime because he thinks it’s annoying that so many people suggest those first.

He does not realize this, but he has put the final nail in the coffin. I don’t even want to be friends anymore. For reasons beyond even my comprehension (read: even I know it’s illogical), I feel betrayed and upset. He sends a message at the end of the night thanking me for inviting him. I tell him no problem and that I hope having advance warning through the group’s instagram will mean it won’t be last minute for him in the future.

No messages since.

This happens, without fail, every time I try to make friends with men, and I’m too much of a coward to ask women out. His being on the trip didn’t ruin the trip at all, but the more we interacted the less interested I was in being anything but acquaintances. Especially after the mom jokes. I know I’m a worrywart and I need to work on it. No illusions there.

But jesus fucking christ, why is it that I bring out the worst in people?

[skinny-sadbitch3]

Guys I’m pretty sure I’m a lesbian 🫢 I love my boyfriend as a person but I’m not in love with him. Also I don’t get turned on by nude men. Idk what to do 😭 I want to wait it out and see if maybe it’s just my bipolar ass over thinking shit because sometimes I really like him and sometimes I’m ready to dip as soon as possible. But I’m staring to think more and more about it and it’s looking more and more like I’m gay as fuck. I came out to my mom as a lesbian when I was 17. She then died when I was 19 turning 20 thinking I was a lesbian as she never saw me with a man nor have any interest in dating one. I think I’m comp het (look it up) lesbian because I don’t have near the amount of feelings for men as I do women IF ANY. I also could never see me marrying a man.. like ever. When I think of myself getting married it’s to a woman 99.99% of the time. The only time I think of marrying a man is when I try to imagine it and it just doesn’t seem right. If someone has any advice on how they knew or found out for sure they were gay please dm me or comment 🙏🏽😭

[anotherapostate]

Fairly long vent under the cut because I have Problems and I’m not entirely sure how to talk about it with the people in my life.

(featuring: wedding woes, conservative Christianity, dresses, an ex-gf, alcohol mention)

Before I was out (or even realized that I was a lesbian for that matter), I attended a four-year Christian college with the purpose of taking a ministerial position within my (conservative, evangelical) denomination. You can imagine how well that went. Once I graduated, I left the faith and lost contact with a lot of friends. This was my fault, but the shame I felt within those first six months was too much to bear, and I couldn’t face my peers who were still in the faith. The few friends I retained from that time mean a lot to me, even if our beliefs aren’t the same anymore. It’s hard to explain, but my experiences at that school seem so incomprehensible to others that weren't there with us (or didn't have a similar experience), that it’s like, “well, we believe different things, but at least I can talk to you about this very formative time in my life and feel understood. You don’t look at me like I have three heads.”

All that to say, my college roommate is getting married and I’m invited to the wedding, which I’m excited for. She’s still in the faith, but she’s always been more left-leaning than our peers. She knows I’m queer and still invited me to her wedding (just the thought makes me want to cry). I’ve already RSVP’ed to the shower/wedding, so it’s too late to back out now, but the more I think about this wedding, the more stressed I feel.

In the Bridal Shower invitation, the stated dress code is “fall/summer dresses.” Dear Reader, I have not worn a dress since my college graduation in 2019. I am a fat, hairy butch with an undercut and a dress-less wardrobe. But I don’t want to make a fuss on a day that isn’t mine, so I ordered a skirt online and figured I could Dyke It Up. But the idea of wearing this skirt makes me feel sick. Like I’m choosing to wear a costume to make others happy. Like I’m impersonating my former college self: closeted, afraid, shame-filled. And even taking the "college-self impersonation" out of the equation, I don't feel at home in traditionally feminine clothing anymore. I wish I had the language to express these feelings. Using vocabulary like “gender dysphoria” feels incorrect to describe my (cisgendered) experience, and I don’t want to misuse words meant to describe trans experiences. But god, this feeling has to be adjacent? A cousin or step-sibling? If the skirt don’t have pockets and I have to bring some sort of bag, I would rather fling myself into the Atlantic. The thought of bringing a purse is almost unbearable. Now, I know the obvious solution is to ask if I could wear pants, but again — it feels like I’m making my friend’s day about myself. I think my social anxiety would prefer me suffering in a skirt than being seen as the Dyke that needed Accommodation.

I will be wearing a jacket/pants for the actual day of the wedding. I’m less concerned about this. I know my peers (and maybe former professors if any are present?) will stare, but hey — half of them probably suspected I was gay in school anyway. Not much use in hiding now. What will be awkward is talking to people I haven’t spoken to in years and nod along with the Jesus talk.

I am 99.99% sure my ex from college will be there. We don’t talk, we aren’t friends, and I still have a grudge against her for reasons I won’t get into here. Which means that we’ve gone from “two queer women hiding our queer relationship from our peers” to “two queer women hiding our former queer relationship and current misgivings with one another from our peers.” Which is demented and stupid and probably a great plot for a fanfic if I wasn’t already living it. (If someone wants to write a fic about this, be my guest. Please give meaning to my very silly sufferings.) There is a chance that she will be at the head table/in the wedding party, in which case I won’t have to sit near her, but I know myself and I probably will feel petty about that too.

If this is a dry wedding (and there’s a good chance — my former denomination is dry) and I have to deal with all of the above, I will probably combust. Part of me want to bring a flask, but if others smell alcohol on me, that will put me in a worse light and give validity to the belief that I’m unhappy because I’m “living separate from God” (see: living as a lesbian).

[ittybittytatertot]

*stand up comedian voice so you know my observational humor, though containing grains of truth, is being played up for laughs.*

You know those guys who are only friends with women? Like the guys who were basically the runts of the man world rejected from Romulus and Remus’s wolf wet nurse and adopted by a roving band of middle school girls. The kind of guy who’s kind of a pick me but not even in a romantic or sexual way. He’s just desperate to be liked because, “You can’t send me back out there! You don’t know what it’s like out there!”

Like you know those animals that have spent too long in captivity and can’t be released to the wild anymore? They’re that but a human man who grew up talking about his feelings with and hugging platonic friends.

I’m pretty sure that’s the default setting of trans men. Basically all trans men are that guy. He’s a 36 year old social worker named Elliot, and he has the exact same stray puppy in the rain energy as the high school boy who exclusively talks to the weird art girl clique. Which is deeply ironic when you realize that high school “boy” is now a computer engineer cat girl named Marianna who speed runs video games in her spare time.

Just by pure numbers, if you see a guy in an all-girl friend group, there’s a 99.99% chance they’re trans one way or another. Token boys have a higher rate of being trans than condoms are effective at preventing pregnancy and STIs. And if you could follow that SAT question of a punchline, you deserve a prize. Remember when I referenced the myth of the founding of Rome at the beginning of this and just blew right past that? And you kept reading? Wild. Token boys also have an unusually high rate of being or having once been lesbians. That’s pretty cool. Anyway happy pride.

[redheadbigshoes]

Hello, this isn’t a question. I just don’t have anyone to express what I feel with and I adore your page!

I have been questioning my sexuality for a while. Almost a year and still haven’t really put an exclusive label on myself. Just general ones like queer or sapphic. I feel like I can’t be a lesbian in some ways because I’m still obsessed with male characters in television or I keep thinking one day those feelings I had or thought I had for men would come back. The reasons I say feelings I had or thought is because I’m not sure if I liked men or didn’t know the difference between platonic feelings or romantic.

After reading the masterdoc I was even more confused than before. But after reading some lesbian confessions and one person said that pit you get in your stomach around men is not feelings or butterflies. This made a lot of sense to me…I always thought it was weird that I thought I liked every guy I came into contact with, or had a conversation with; but now I identify the feeling as me just being uncomfortable around men. It was truly like a lightbulb moment when I looked at men and felt nothing.

I might think ‘oh, he’s attractive’ but I don’t want to be with or sleep with them. This has also made it easier for me to talk to men, knowing I don’t actually want any romantic way. Yet, knowing this I still think I could be bisexual because it would just be easier to say I’m 99.99% into women and 00.01% into men (which would only be fictional characters). I feel like I’m forcing myself in a label that just doesn’t fit…I’m also quite gullible so when people constantly just say to me ‘you’re bisexual’ I just go with it…but I still don’t think I fit the label as hard as I try.

When it comes to women I’m 100% sure I’m into them without being in a relationship with a woman. It’s like a fact I’m definitely into women, but I think I only see them from the male gaze view as only liking their bodies. I’m trying to push that imagine of women because it blocks me from seeing myself with a woman in the future. Also, I’m not just attracted to anyone and everyone something I had to come to terms with after realizing above you’re not suppose to be into everyone you come across.

The label lesbian feels comfortable and liberating, freeing actually. I definitely want to date a woman but I don’t want to call myself a lesbian cause I don’t want to be harmful to the lesbian community, nor do I want to have a moment ‘oh, sorry turns out i’m into both.’ It’s been almost a year and it’s definitely confusing and super lonely as I’m dealing with this privately.

I hope it reaches someone who could feel the same way as me. Or maybe this is a common feeling lesbians had before coming to terms with being a lesbian.

Really sorry it’s long. (I hope it’s okay I mentioned bisexuality since this is a lesbian based account.)

Hi! I’m glad you like my blog!

Liking male characters, obsessing over them, doesn’t mean you can’t be a lesbian. There’s some male characters I’m obsessed with and I’m not any less lesbian for that. My feelings for those characters are completely platonic. Even if they weren’t, like I sad before, there’s a lot of lesbians who develop feelings for fictional characters and celebrities, what really counts is who you’re attracted to in real life.

I once felt a slight romantic and sexual attraction to male celebrities and characters, but when I noticed I felt that because I liked the idea of a man, but not actual men, was that I figured I was a lesbian. 

I relate to what you said about that feeling around men you mentioned. The guys I tried dating or thought I had a crush on, I always felt nervous around them, if I was alone with them, or on a date with them, that feeling was always there. I just tried to ignore that feeling by thinking “it’s just butterflies, it’s normal”. Butterflies are supposed to feel good, they’re supposed to be positive. If your nervousness makes you uncomfortable it probably means you don’t like them. And when I started dating girls I never had that feeling again, I always felt actual butterflies in my stomach.

As a lesbian I definitely notice attractive men, but I never want to be with them in any way. The thing that really made me start questioning if I was a lesbian was that I had the same thoughts as you, I was like “I’m bi because I’m attracted 99% to women and 1% to unattainable men”. And when I found out they don’t really count was that I noticed I’ve never liked men. And it’s funny because after I officially started calling myself a lesbian I never liked unattainable men like I used to.

If the bisexual label feels weird and like you don’t fit in it, it’s probably because you’re not bi. Still, you don’t have to label yourself right now if you’re still questioning, you don’t have to label yourself at all if that’s what you want.

From everything you described it definitely seems like you fit the lesbian label. I once had doubts about calling myself one because I feared I would like men, but after figuring that every interaction I had with men that wasn’t in a platonic way I never really liked them, and that my entire life I faked my attraction for them, was that I started calling myself one.

You should watch @patronsaintoflesbians videos on Tik Tok. They really helped me figure out my sexuality. I think those videos are better than the masterdoc.

I’m pretty sure this is common among other lesbians, since a lot of us used to identify as something else before started identifying as lesbian.

I don’t mind if the asks are long! I’m glad people come here to share their experiences and vent about it, because I’m glad I can try to help you and also other people can relate to what you’re saying. And no worries, even if you talked about bisexuality I don’t mind, this is a LGBTQ+ blog so it doesn’t necessarily has to be only about lesbianism.

Feel free to send more asks if you need to! Or if someday you want to dm me I’m always open to talk with you.

[henshengs]

About Rule 63 fanworks

I was asked yesterday to elaborate on my genderbend opinions, as a trans person, which I’m happy to do, and I’ve thought about it a bit today to make sure I’m not saying something off the cuff and not thought through. Still, this is a sensitive, complicated topic, and I’m open to discussion on it.

This also got long, so I’m putting it under a cut.

So, obviously I can’t speak for all trans people. No minority group is a monolith in our opinions and this is particularly the case for the transgender community because our experiences are so very diverse and individual.

I am very rarely hurt or offended by genderbends/genderswaps/rule 63 fanworks. I know people for whom this is not the case, and I believe the pain involved is very real. The thing is... living in this world is inherently kinda painful when you’re trans. This world’s not built for us. All kinds of random things can cause me pain throughout my day. Store mannequins. My own reflection. Lesbian poetry. Pictures of other trans people. When something triggers my dysphoria or feelings of alienation, I have to stop, acknowledge the feeling, and then consider whether the thing is, outside of hurting me, contributing to the ignorance of and hatred of people like me by its very existence.

I don’t think the basic act of asking, “What if this character who is a cis man, was a cis woman instead?” does that. I think if anything, it opens the door to then ask “what if he was a trans man? Or a trans woman? Or nonbinary?”

Asking “what if this story was about a cis woman” lets cis women talk about their experiences and see themselves in stories, something I think is valuable! and also can lead to stories exploring sexism and misogyny, things which affect all trans people too!

In the rest of this post I’m going to use the terms “rule 63″ and “genderswap” to refer to the act of creating a fanwork changing a cis/presumed cis man to a cis or not-specified-to-be-trans woman, because this is the vast majority of the work under that label, because most fictional heroes and iconic characters are cis men, and because people who create cis man->trans woman or cis woman->trans man content, in my experience, usually use terms like “trans headcanon” instead.

(A lot of rule 63 fanworks don’t explicitly specify that the now-female character is cis. We can presume that most artists aren’t even thinking about the possibility of the character being trans, but we can presume that for 99.99% of all art, anywhere. It’s not a unique evil of rule 63.)

The claims that rule 63 is inherently transphobic, rather than just something where it’s good to be extra careful to avoid transphobia, as far as I’ve seen, use two arguments: A) that making the character a cis woman is wasting an opportunity to make them a trans person, and this is transphobic, and B) that rule 63 fan art is gender essentialist and cissexist, because it ties gender to physical characteristics.

Argument A doesn’t hold up for me, 

because couldn’t one then say that reimagining an abled white cis character as an abled white trans woman is racist and ableist? that reimagining them as an abled trans woman of color is ableist? No transformative reimagining can cover every identity. We say “write what you know” and talk about Own Voices, and that includes cis women who want to write about the experience they know. 

It’s also not fair to tell trans people that we must always think about trans experiences, even in our fiction. A lot of the time we don’t want to have to write or think about dysphoria and discrimination and we want to live in the heads of cis characters or even just characters whose AGAB is not mentioned! 

And it is also, imo, not a great idea to pressure people who may not be educated about trans experiences to write about trans characters just because they want to explore sexism or write about lesbians. 

many, many trans people first begin exploring their gender identity through creating cis rule 63 content, because it’s ‘safer’ than directly engaging with trans content.

With argument B, I agree that a lot of rule 63 art looks like this

and this sucks. To me, though, it’s important that it’s not the genderswap aspect that makes it suck. Artists who do this are also designing original characters with sexist, gender essentialist designs. Artists who don’t draw sexist art in general, also don’t draw sexist rule 63.

(yes, I know She-Hulk is not a rule 63 of regular Hulk. But you guys know the kind of art I’m talking about.)

I’ve also noticed a genre of fanfic that’s like, “if these characters were girls, they’d be sensible and conflict avoidant and none of the plot would happen!” or “what if these violent, tragic male characters were Soft Lesbians who braided each others’ hair” and again, I assume these authors write canonical women the same way. The genderswap part isn’t the bad part, the sexism is. 

Non-sexist rule 63 actually, in my opinion, fights gender essentialism and cissexism. When a character is exactly the same except for the ways a gender essentialist world has shaped and pressured them based on their AGAB, that’s a strong statement on the constructed nature of gender! 

But the argument that making /any/ change is gender essentialist, is... I understand where it’s coming from. I am a trans person who presents androgynously and I am a hypervisible freak because of it. I would love to live in a society where visible gender markers weren’t a thing! Unfortunately, we don’t live in that society. We live in one where we are constantly under pressure to conform to one of two profiles. There are almost no gender non conforming male characters in popular media. And changing a gender conforming cis man into a gender conforming cis woman seems to me to be a neutral action at worst. Not to mention characters from historical canons, who would be under a ton of pressure to conform. 

For physical body type characteristics... 65% of all speaking roles in Hollywood are cis and male. It’s harder to get statistics on other forms of media, but it’s undeniable that overall, most stories are told about cis men who do not have breasts or wide hips. Changing the story to be about a cis woman who has those features is introducing more diversity! 

I typed “rule 63″ and “genderswap” into the tumblr search bar today, and I saw a lot of art of women with a variety of aesthetics and body shapes and characteristics, who looked like people I’d see out at the mall.

Again, I sure do wish we lived in a post gender society. But we don’t, and in our society, everyone, myself included, looks at a picture of a person and gender categorizes them based on appearance. It is not wrong for someone to draw “Geralt the Witcher as a hot butch woman” and give her some physical markers generally agreed upon to denote ‘butch woman’ rather than ‘gender conforming man’ to tell the viewer that that is what they have drawn. Just as it is not wrong to draw “my OC who is a hot butch woman who fights monsters” and give her those markers. 

Finally, both arguments against genderswaps are, in my opinion, flawed because they implicitly posit the act of creating fanworks of the original, cis male gender conforming character design, as neutral. I think this is incorrect. I think that if you’re going to argue that drawing a cis male character as a cis woman is transphobic, you have to also argue that drawing the character as a cis man is transphobic. But I’ve only seen people do this when a trans headcanon becomes extremely popular in a fandom.

Again, I’m just one person. I’m also biased, because firstly, as I mentioned, rule 63 doesn’t usually trigger my dysphoria; secondly, I almost always come down on the side of “don’t limit what people can explore in fiction; ask them to explore it more sensitively or with more content warnings instead.” 

I definitely encourage creators to seek out and listen to a variety of trans opinions. But this is mine: I love rule 63, I make a lot of it myself, and I think if no one created it we’d lose something awesome. 

At the end of the day, what I really want is more trans content*, but I’d rather have cis rule 63 than just stories about cis men. 

Also: I personally have nothing against the terms genderswap or genderbend. I don’t think it reinforces the gender binary to acknowledge its existence by saying you’re ‘swapping’ the character from being cis with one AGAB to being cis with the other. But I can definitely see the argument against it, so I don’t blame anyone for going with rule 63 instead.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading; I hope you have a nice day, and have fun creating and consuming the fanworks your heart desires. I’ll end by linking this comic, which is just eternally relevant.

(*by which I mean: trans content created by other trans people, that matches my hyperspecific headcanons, likes and dislikes, and doesn’t set off any of my often changing dysphoria triggers. See what I said at the start, about transgender existence being constantly mildly painful. There are many awesome aspects to being trans! This is one of the less awesome.)

[diamondsableye]

“Depressed? Just be happy!!

ADHD? Just pay attention!!

Autism? Socializing isn’t that hard!!

Gender dysphoria? Just be happy in your body!!

Y’all do realize like... that’s not how things work right?”

Hi. You left the above comment on some anti-gender post and I just want to let you know that you’re fucking stupid and you have no clue what “TERFs” think if this is what you have to say. We’re not saying “be happy in ur body uwu self love” we’re telling you that a woman’s only criteria for being a woman is her femaleness. Mental illness sucks. Depression sucks. Anxiety sucks. OCD sucks. Gender dysphoria sucks. None of these are things guaranteed to be cured by just sheer force of will and 99.99% of (real) feminists agree. There’s no magic cure for any of these, not even altering genitals or taking HRT will cure gender dysphoria. The best we have is therapy and meds to help. But even if you’re taking ADHD meds, you’re still a person with ADHD. Even if you have gender dysphoria, you’re not magically the opposite sex, and gender is a sexist social construct. Maybe you should stick your head out the window every once and a while and see how not black and white the world is.

Listen I just found out that my cat has cancer so I really don’t want to have to deal with you more than I have to. I came back onto this app to quickly chat with a friend and I’ve got work to do so this response is gonna be very short.

First of all, stop treating medical transitioning with such disregard. Of course they don’t “cure” gender dysphoria but these procedures are a huge advancement in medical technology and they’re extremely effective at reducing gender dysphoria in a myriad of ways. So don’t phrase it as some nilly whilly thing.

Secondly, you do do realize that sex is measured through the observation of 5 different traits correct? Chromosomes, gonads, hormones, and internal and external reproductive anatomy/the primary and secondary sex characteristics. You can change your hormonal sex through HRT and you can get surgeries to alter your primary and secondary sex characteristics as well as modify or remove your internal reproductive organs. Really the only thing that can’t truly be changed in some way shape or form are your chromosomes. So like... unless you’re gonna argue metaphysics here along the lines of “once your birth sex always your birth sex”.... you’re kindof... incorrect here? Sure you can never be cis, but biological sex is modifiable to various degrees. Again, if you’re gonna challenge this you’re arguing metaphysics when we’re discussing biology.

Also you do realize that currently it’s impossible to determine accurately how intrinsic gender is to the human condition right? You’re kindof making an assertion here without any evidence. We live in an incredibly gendered society and unless we’d be willing to subjugate humans to little or no contact to the outside world or other people starting from birth, we’re unable to truly determine how much of gender is purely socially constructed, how much of it is internally produced, or how immutable it may be. Are gender roles sexist and should be done away with? Of course. Is gender identity completely created through society or is it more innate? We don’t know and we can’t tell for sure.

Anyhow all that aside, even if I was wrong on every single point here, my initial argument is still valid. If you recognize that gender dysphoria is harmful and can severely damper a person’s ability to pursue a meaningful existence in certain cases, but the only words of sympathy are “yeah well it sucks but you’ll never be a real woman/man” then...???? You’re just... leaving people to themselves and expecting them to get over it. Many if not all trans people have an irrepressible need to be the gender they identify with and internally are, that need demands that they be seen as their gender within social contexts, and causes great harm when that need is not met. It would be like if you told me, an autistic person, that “sure it sucks that you’re an aspie, but you’ll never be a neurotypical” and I’m saying yes! I know! And that fact does distress me because people on the spectrum often face great negative stigma in society, and that’s maybe 1/100th of what trans people go through! You’d still be doing absolutely nothing to actually help and if anything you’d be making me worse if you kept insisting that no matter what I’d never be mentally healthy! It might be true but it’s totally uncalled for and ignores a fuckload of broader needs!

If you’re doing absolutely nothing to help, and if the most prominent leaders of your movement are doing their best to revoke the rights of health and safety that trans people need, while also denying them their identity, a key component to their health and happiness, then how is that any different than telling them to “get over yourself, just be fine as your agab”??? Like I’m very baffled that you don’t see the demonstrable harm you guys are doing to trans people, either that or you just don’t care?? Either way, you’re not helping, you’re hurting people, and EVEN IF my analogy was flawed, maybe stop perpetuating ideology and supporting movements that demonstrably hurt trans people instead of focusing on a fucking reply I left on a goddamn post.

@terf-tips @reptile-lesbian

If you all would like to add anything feel free, I need to finish some last minute college assignments.

[ave-on-main]

Looking at the Pride Cover Variants from DC and Marvel side by side is kind of weird. Marvel’s look flat out uninspired. (And I don’t think that’s the artist’s fault tbh.)

I mean a point could be made that Marvel shows better representation because all of their variants showcase lgbt+ characters. (Or really just lgb to my knowledge. Correct me if I’m wrong.) While DC sprinkles some allies in-between.

But the thing is that Marvel’s just look so bland compared to DC’s in your face Pride variants, coming to you by lgbtq+ creators and editors (!). Which shows. And makes me think that the allies are chosen rather deliberately instead of with a queerbait-y intention (looking at the Wonders and Nightwing here especially).

To me DC’s Pride looks more like a celebration.

For presentation purposes (Not all variants have been revealed yet. Marvel has only shared four as of now, so I chose four from DC as well):

(Do yourself a favour and look at all of DC’s revealed covers here. The side gets updated whenever a new one is shared. I might cry if Bunker isn’t on the TTA variant, but I’m 99.99% sure he will be.)

Overall, DC has eight variants for their regular titles, plus one for the DC Pride anthology. Marvel will also feature nine variants on their regular titles. The joke is that Marvel is publishing a lot more monthly superhero titles than DC.

Honestly, overall DC’s Pride just looks better beyond the variants too. (Shocking, I know.) But I will say that DC visibly loves their lesbians & bi-girls more than their gays. They should think about why.

(and all other rep but the DC Pride anthology shows they are slowly getting there... I just think a Jess Chambers (non-binary char) variant for The Flash would have been neat. An idea for next year, DC, when Jess is better known.)

[sapphobystarlight]

hi everyone! thought I should make a pinned post with all my stuff in it 💖

→ I’m Claire, I’m 26, from the Midwest US, lesbian demigirl femme dyke, she/her or she/they (either)

→ disabled/chronically ill » I have fibromyalgia, narcolepsy, chronic daily headache, chronic migraine, and sleep apnea, plus a lot of unexplained/smaller chronic issues

→ neurodiv » I have borderline personality disorder (in recovery 8 years now) and I’m 99.99% sure I’m autistic, plus C-PTSD and some non-neurodiv mental health issues; also 8 years clean from self-harm as of 2/3/2024

→ I’m also 99% sure I have dyscalculia and I struggle with obsessive-compulsive behaviors like hoarding and body-focused repetitive behaviors (mainly dermatillomania and nail biting)

→ healthcare support worker, slowly getting a university degree in history

→ I love the Front Bottoms, cross-stitching, caffeine, sleep, history, women, subjects across the humanities spectrum, word games, rain, my animals, being a lesbian, collecting art, trinkets, fun earrings, and you

→ I don’t like chocolate, hot weather, math, horror movies, true crime, military history, weed, or migraines

→ I try to tag triggering stuff as *trigger* tw (without the asterisks)

→ I AM an adult human (I turned 26 in Nov 2023) so if for any reason you’re uncomfortable with someone that age following you, please just DM me and I will unfollow right away!

→ I have an nsfw blog; dm me for the url if interested (18+ only)

→ ask me anything you’d like to know about me, I’m pretty open

→ hope I don’t need to say this but—no fuckin TERFs/radfems/“gender critical”/whatever y’all call yourselves now, no blank blogs, no weird old men with porn blogs (y’all know who you are), no racists, no homophobes, no general shitheads

→ you’re all lovely and you’re all so loved 💖

(updated 6/2/2024)

[brood-mother]

I've identified as pan for the past 18 years... im not gonna change how I call my self just cause lgbt politics is anti-pan in 2020 lol

if you're going to jump to conclusions please make sure you warm up with some stretches first. anyway, i'm not saying "don't be pan, pan isn't real, you can't identify as pan", i'm talking about the fact that bisexual is an umbrella under which pan falls ie all pan people literally are bi (similar to how lesbians and gay men literally are homosexual) and not some 'other' special orientation and pan is just being more specific albeit in a largely redundant manner since 99.99% of bisexuals do (and have pretty much always have) defined themselves pretty much exactly the same way but tbh that's neither really here nor there. do what you want, like i'm specifically referring to the enduring misconception of that "bi means two, pan means all, even trans people :)" shit that's 1) not true and 2) actively damages the bi community.

[twostarsinonesphere]

Hey I saw your posts about the rebels and other people involved in the fight for freedom and how many of them such as Roger Casemant were not straight? Do you have any sources? Like are many from Cumann na mBan or do we have written accounts or is this just speculation? Sorry I just wanna double check!

hi! no, the majority of these cases are not just speculation, as far as i’m aware.

and tbh some claims that historians make on this topic are more speculative than others, such as michael collins being gay or bisexual (i'm like 99.99% sure that he absolutely wasn't) and joseph plunkett being gay (again, pretty sure he wasn't), but there is some reasonably conclusive evidence that a lot of the members of those irish societies were lgbtqa. 

in roger casement's case, he wrote an extensive account of his sexual encounters with other men called the "black diaries" (though there are some reasonable doubts as to their accuracy, the general consensus among most working irish historians is that the black diaries are genuine). he also apparently took a lover in 1916 which may or may not have partially compromised his mission and led to his eventual arrest, though i don't have resources on hand for that.

pádraig pearse's case is more speculative, though there's a reasonable case to be made that he was asexual based on how he spoke about romantic/sexual love, and how he often said it wasn't for him, and that he had never felt sexual attraction. there was no label for that at the time but it's not exactly a stretch to say he exhibited traits of asexuality. to add to that, there was a rumour that he had a girlfriend who drowned. this wasn't true but he made very weak attempts to debunk it, so some scholars believe this was to distract others from his lack of sexuality.

as for the cumann na mban cases. yes. there were a significant amount of lesbian and bisexual members. i don't know the reason for that, but maybe because they found some purpose there, other than marrying and having a family. but there were many. most notably (and studied the most), elizabeth o'farrell, julia grennan, and margaret skinnider. 

elizabeth o'farrell and julia grennan were most likely romantically involved. they lived together all their lives, were buried together, and both expressed a desire to never marry.

margaret skinnider didn't ever label herself, but the way she spoke about her attraction to women is very compelling. 

as far as i'm aware, these cumann na mban cases aren't speculative, either - though they stand on shakier ground than pearse and casement’s, because they haven't been studied as thoroughly.

i hope this helped!

[colorisbyshe]

How can u know if ur like... Lesbian or bi if u don't like.... Like men. Like if ur scared of them or have trauma. U are v smart bisexual woman and posted about something similar recently and I'm just wondering if u have any advice for exploring that like when u have troubles with men. Bc I identify as a lesbian but I'm not sure if that's just because I'm v afraid of men! How Can U Know!

Quick but important confession: That last post is oversimplified just to rebuke the point being made (ie bisexual women who choose to not be with men are lesbians). The reality is… it’s a lot more complicated than that.

As a bisexual “woman” (we’re gonna use that term for me just for simplicity’s sake) who is attracted to men but never intends to pursue it… attraction to men is like craving a food that’s too spicy for me. Like, I might really want to eat it, maybe even enjoy eating it, but by the end of it snot is gonna be running down my face and it’s gonna be embarrassing and kinda painful. Any joyful feelings I get from the notion of dating men is mitigated by “Mmmm, men are horrible and I really just… don’t want to deal with that.” It’s an inconvenience but it’s an inconvenience I forget about when I meet a man who is like… really nice to me and says enough Not Evil Things that I find myself trusting him. Or sometimes a dude is just really cute and I haven’t heard him open his mouth enoguh times to ruin it yet.

So, like, hindbrain Stephanie is like “This Man Good. Crush time? Horny Time?” and rational Stephanie is like “Bitch, again?”

If you aren’t having sort of innate tugs to men, you probs aren’t attracted to him. And maybe beneath all the layers of Terror youc ould be feeling an innate tug to men but to that i say… does it matter?

Because that’s the complicated rub of it–you could maybe be attracted to men (in a comphet way or in a real, genuine way) and it wouldn’t fucking matter. If you never intend on acting on it, you don’t have to call yourself bisexual.

“But Stephanie doesn’t that contradict your last post where you said bisexual wlw who don’t pursue men aren’t lesbians!” Yes. And no.

I’m a bisexual wlw who is 99.99% positive I’m never gonna date a man. I choose to identify as bisexual because a. I enjoy my attraction to men in many ways, even if it’s a more distant way. I have a fun time talking about my genuine attraction to men with friends and I don’t really feel the need to shut it out just becaues I don’t want to act on it and b. I have, actually, met a few men who like I Would Not Be Opposed To At Least Fucking. My attraction to men is not terror filled, it’s just vaguely a nuisance. Because men suck.

I’m likely to never, ever be with a man. I made out with one (1) man in my life and it was only ever when I was also making out with one (1) woman at the same time, so I consider it canceled out. (Also, I dont actually remember it happening, so it also doesn’t count on that front. Oh college…).

Some women experience attraction to men, maybe even don’t mind it, but think “As I’m never gonna act on it and I don’t want to even talk about it, I’m calling myself a lesbian.” And that’s… fine.

Just like there are women who might suspect their attraction to men is just comphet but might not ever be able to confirm it, so they go with lesbian.

Do you have anything to gain from trudging through your trauma towards men and coming out the other side as a bisexual? Do you think maybe being attracted to men would enrich your life? If no… then it doesn’t matter if you can’t know for sure.

There’s a lot more overlap between lesbian and bisexual experiences than some people will admit, especially when we factor in things like comphet that make attraction to men a sort of “Is this even real?” type scenario.

Label yourself with what makes you more comfortable, although if you’re gonna talk about being attracted to men and pursue men, stick to bisexual. Like… “Lesbians can healthily fuck men and enjoy it” is a Bad Message to send.

But also like…. how can you ever know? Sometimes you can’t. Considering my veeeeery limited experience with men, I don’t know if my attraction is real. Just that like… I don’t entirely mind it, fake or not. For me, the safer bet is “bisexual” but there are women out there with identical feelings/experiences to me who know they aren’t ever pursuing men and call themselves lesbians.

It’s very complicated. Bi women can never, ever pursue or be with men and call themselves bi. Or potentially bi women can just never give a fuck about atraction to men and call themselves lesbians.

It’s… a mess. Especially since some people take it too far (ie DO pursue men and still call themselves lesbians or lesbians might continuet o call themselves bi because of comphet) but like… there’s this massive grey area.

In your case, stick with lesbian. If “Men Terrify Me” is something you’re feeling,t here’s no reason to have to parse that out, y’unno? Being with men doesn’t sound fun for you, even if you were attracted to them. So don’t worry about it.

[regina-cordium]

I keep seeing posts calling bill potts bisexual but I'm?? Like 99.99% sure she's a lesbian. She straight up tells a guy she ~usually goes for girls~, the only person she shows romantic interest in is a woman :/

[comebackali]

your grace and frankie tag is giving me LIFE, bless you

lol thank you. THEY JUST LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH??? WHY NOT JUST LET THEM LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH?? even though i’m like 99.99% sure that it’s not gonna happen and that i shouldn’t get my hopes up, i can’t help the tiny hopeful lesbian inside of me that’s like, “okay but what if??” and, “literally what the hell are they doing if not setting them up for something romantic??” GRACE LITERALLY STOLE A ROMANTIC GESTURE AND GAVE IT TO FRANKIE WITH A TEARY HEARTFELT CONFESSION ABOUT BEING AFRAID OF WAKING UP AND NOT SEEING HER HATS IN THE DISHWASHER EVERY MORNING, along with a number of other charmingly quaint and highly specific things that she loves about her. and i get that it is probably just my lesbian colored glasses talking, combined with my true arch nemesis - my perpetual inability to differentiate between ALL ENCOMPASSING FRIENDSHIP FEELINGS and ALL ENCOMPASSING ~TRU LUV~ FEELINGS - but i am still waiting for a heterosexual explanation of grace’s trembling, “i like that you like me, sometimes too much” confession. honestly, i have no idea what the hell they’re doing anymore, but i’m pretty sure at this point it’s not even pure queer baiting anymore, it’s just like Gal Pal™ culture at it’s finest.