#I’m just trying my best with it seems a very long and serious issue of a problem for you | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

silentglassbreak · 5 months ago

Note

hi bestie is it too late to request? you said you liked writing angst, well, i love reading it 💔💔painfully unrequited love!!!!! gimme gimme

friends with benefits with (overly affectionate!!!!) Noah and reader who falls sick to her stomach head over heels in love with him. blurring the lines between sex and love.

going to a bad omens concert however long after and it’s like they’re strangers oOF rip my heart out and stomp on it idc. been listening to Novocaine on a loop all day. i’m not okay

feel to totally disregard if you’re not feeling it angel <33 thank you bby I love your writing 🥺🥺

Angst............. UGH I've been WAITING babes. My goal is to rip your heart out...fair fucking warning. MMMLOVEYOUUUUU. After Writing Notes: I'm the actual worst. I hope you don't hate it!

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: smut, heartbreak, lots and lots of angst

Can You Feel My Heart

Love languages are such a strange concept, aren't they? That seems to be a fairly new idea that someone came up with in the last decade or so?

If you like to buy love...your love language is gifting.

If you can't communicate well...your love language is affection.

If the only way you know how to show feelings is with sex...your love language is intimacy.

At what point are we allowed to call someone out for being a dick? At what point are we allowed to confront the fact that someone is skipping around the idea of commitment, and ask them to just admit what they really want?

This wasn't the first time these thoughts had danced around my head, in the wee hours of the morning, while Noah's arm laid heavy across my waist, him snoozing behind me.

Noah and I had been friends since we were seven years old. We met on the playground at the park in the center of the neighborhood of our small town in West Virginia. He told me he liked my butterfly hair clips, and I let him have the blue one. He wore it in his hair every day for three weeks.

He grew up in a broken home, only his Mom around most of his years, and even then - that relationship was...strained. So many nights he had snuck into my bedroom window, curling up next to me, tears free falling down his cheeks. We never talked about why, but it didn't take a psychic to figure it out.

He moved in with his Grandmother when he was fourteen, and even though he lived in the next town over, he still made it a point to take the city bus to me every day after school, even when he dropped out.

We were never more than twin flames, incapable of existing without each other, moral support for the other during any type of hardship. Looking back, I guess that was what built our serious dependence issues.

"I can't live without you, Y/N. I'll die if I ever lose you."

"No you won't Noah, don't be stupid."

He was stupid. As stupid as they come, because when I turned eighteen, and started college, he had paid one of his friends to drive him all the way up to Columbus to see me. He showed up at the door of my dorm, drunk and broken, blathering on about how only having been away from me for a week had killed him, and he needed to see me.

That was the first night he kissed me, and I let him.

As most people do when having grown up with someone so closely, I had developed an attachment to Noah very early on. I first recognized it when he turned twelve, and started skateboarding. He would insist on trying to teach me how, despite my undeniable clumsiness. His hands would grip my hips, his face so close to my ear, and his chest pressed to my back. He would talk in this deep voice, his puberty hitting early. I was awe-struck.

He was my best friend, sure. But he belonged to me, that's what he always said.

Even when he had girlfriends, I always came first. Dates would get cancelled for me; plans changed. Hell, he even blew off one girl whose birthday fell on the same day as mine. I was his priority. I was his person.

So when he leaned in to me, sitting on the edge of my mattress in the dorm, liquor stained-breath against my face, I just closed my eyes and let it happen.

He spent the night with me, and had to leave early. Vowing to come back, he never broke his word.

There he was the following weekend, sober this time, with snacks, DVDs, and a week’s worth of clothes. I managed to hide him in my room for four days before the dorm advisor caught him.

The second day he was there was the first time we had sex. I was a virgin, and he was not. That hurt me, sure. Not enough to deny him what was rightfully his. I belonged to Noah, body and soul. He took his time, walked me through it, and gave me the best possible experience I could expect. It hurt, and it was weird, but a sense of relief washed over me.

We had finally crossed that threshold. We had sex three times that week, until he was forced to leave.

That's when the words left his mouth.

"We need to talk."

That conversation broke something inside of me. He loved me, but he didn't love me. He was honored to have been allowed to give me something so meaningful, but he could never see me as more than his best friend. Our friendship was too important, and he wouldn't even allow himself to entertain the idea of jeopardizing that. He had made up his mind, and he couldn't have feelings for me.

It was with the heaviest heart imaginable, I sucked back my tears, painted an easy smile on my face, and held his hands in mine.

"I totally understand, Noah. No worries! We can just have fun, you know?"

And that was it. We were stuck in this sick, frozen place for the last two years. I was about to finish my Associates in Columbus, and hoped to become pre-med at Boston U, but Noah didn't know that yet. I could never figure out how to tell him.

Noah Davis was this heavy, bright flame that I was desperately afraid to extinguish. He had formed a band right after our arrangement began, and he was twenty-four hours away from leaving on their first major tour that would take him around the entire country, and then across the Atlantic to Europe.

How could I tell him that while he was gone, I was likely moving even further, and starting my life without him?

I didn't want to live without him, but he was leaving, and I couldn't sit and wait forever...

I breathed out a sigh, the light beginning to stream in the window of my one-bedroom apartment. He needed to wake up, drive home, and make sure he was ready to leave tomorrow. It was only 6AM, so I knew he'd be cranky, but I couldn't put this off any longer.

“Noah?” I breathed out his name. He groaned in response. “You’ve got to get up. You have to get ready to head home.”

"Mm, ten more minutes." I rolled my eyes, and began sliding out from underneath him.

His arm locked, and held me in place. I giggled, and saw as he turned his face, one eye cracking open. "Don't get up. It's too early."

I narrowed my eyes. "I have class at 8AM."

Noah used his strength against me, pulling my body to him and holding me tight so I couldn't get up. This only made me laugh louder.

"You don't need to get up for another hour."

"Not if I want to shower."

He sighed into the pillow. "So crazy, cause I don't think you do."

I rolled my eyes. "Dude, you've got to get home. Nick will kill us both if you're not ready in time."

"I'm not scared of her." He smirked, and I smacked his arm.

"Shut up. And get off me!"

He stuck his bottom lip out, pouting heavily.

"Not going to work. C'mon." I wriggled hard enough to break his grip, and sat up, stretching my arms over my head. He sat up as well, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

I pulled a robe over myself, turning to look at him as he scrolled through his phone, checking messages.

"Coffee?" I asked, and he threw a thumbs up at me.

I left the room, headed for the kitchen, trying to keep my breathing even. I had very little time left.

Filling the pot with water, I felt his arms wrap around me from behind, his face burying in my neck.

"I don't want to go. I'm going to miss you so much."

I leaned into the touch, taking anything I could at this point. "I know. I'll miss you more."

He scoffed. "Not a chance."

Holding me for a few more moments, he let go to head to the fridge, pulling out the bagels and cream cheese, and plopping down at the dining table. I continued my work of preparing our coffee.

"Hey, uh," I started, keeping my voice as calm as I could. "there's something I wanted to chat with you about."

I turned around, two hot mugs in my hand. He was spreading the cream on a bagel, already having prepared one for me. I sat next to him at the table.

"What's up?" He didn't look up at me.

"I told you I had been trying to decide where to start medical school?" He just nodded in response. "Well, I find out today if I got into Boston."

He halted, his eyes snapping up to me. "Boston?"

I took a sip of coffee. "They've got the best med program on the East coast-"

He cut me off. "Since when were you looking on the East coast?"

His tone was darkening. This was going to go about as well as I expected.

"Since I realized I had a chance. Noah, my GPA and scholar program gives me a real shot."

He grit his teeth, setting his bagel down. "Boston is far, Y/N."

I kept calm, setting my mug down as well. "I know."

"So, why would you want to be so far away?"

"Well, you're going far too, Noah. Your first show is in San Diego."

He sat back in his chair. "Yeah, but the last one puts me right back here in Columbus for a month before I go overseas."

I nodded. "I know. I'll still be here, then. You get back six weeks before the end of the semester."

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You can't go to Boston."

There was a finality to his tone, and something about it made my insides flinch with irritation.

"Oh no? And if I do?"

"You can't."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Can't? And since when do you tell me what I can and can't do?"

He rolled his eyes, standing from the table and walking over to the trash, binning the half of his bagel he didn't eat. "We can't be that far away from each other."

Lifting my eyebrows, I stood as well, crossing my arms. "And why is that, Noah?"

He leaned back against the counter. "Y/N, you know why."

"What? So you have someone to fuck whenever you want? Whenever one of your little groupies isn't around?"

His eyes popped open, then. "What?"

"You heard me." My tone was deadly, matching my stare at him.

"You really think the only reason I want you close is because of the sex?" He seemed truly stunned.

"Well, why else would you want me around?" I threw my hands up, walking back down the hallway toward my bedroom. I could hear his footfall behind me. I just continued, stepping into the closet to get dressed.

"What is that supposed to mean? I always want you around."

Rolling my eyes, I clasped my bra on and popped my head out to look at him. "Noah, I'm convenient for you. Unless you have any other valid reasons to keep coming over, I don't know why else it matters."

His jaw dropped open. "That is not true."

Pulling my shirt on, I scoffed. "Please, dude. Spare me the act, okay?"

"What act?"

I pulled my jeans on, buttoning them before stepping out to face him again. "The 'you're my person, and I can't lose you' act." I quoted myself. Something about that pissed him off, because he crossed his own arms and stared me down.

"The fuck are you getting at, Y/N?"

I shook my head, brushing past him, and walked toward the bathroom.

"Noah," I turned to look directly at him. "we've been at this for years. It's kind of old, don't you think?"

His face softened slightly. "We had an agreement."

I nodded. "You're right, we did. Just sex, for the sake of our friendship. That's what you wanted."

"I thought that's what we wanted."

Waving a hand between us, I took a step toward him. "Oh no, Noah. That's what you wanted. Not me."

He was silent, then.

"I wanted more. I always have. I thought that had become clear over the years, but I fucking guess not." I could hear my voice raising a few octaves. "You didn't give me a choice. You came in, broke that boundary, and then put it right back up again. And I stayed, just so I wouldn't lose you."

I could feel the tears beginning to well in my eyes.

His voice came out small, then, his hands now buried in his pockets.

"What do you want from me, Y/N?"

I sighed, letting one tear escape. "I want you to love me."

He pulled his hands out, stepping toward me and taking one of mine. I let him.

"I do love you!"

I stared at him, my teeth ground together. "Do you? The way I love you?"

Noah was a lot of things. He was brilliant, funny, generous, dedicated. He had the most redeeming qualities of anyone I knew.

And sure, he could be stupid. But not that stupid.

He had known how I felt about him. Of course he did. That was why I kissed him every chance I got. Why I always let him in. Why I never dated anyone else. Why I stayed all this time.

But here? In this moment? He was the biggest idiot I knew, because he dropped my hand, his eyes falling with it, and took a step backward.

"I..." He huffed out a breath, looking back up at my tear-stained face. "I can't. I'm sorry."

I averted my eyes, then. I could feel myself breaking, crumbling right before him.

"You need to leave, Noah."

I could feel he wanted to pull back to me, like a moon in orbit of a planet. Gravity. But he didn't. He just stepped back toward the doorway.

"What does this mean?" I heard his voice, but wouldn't meet his eyes.

I sniffed hard, trying like hell to keep myself upright.

"It means you go on tour. Be who you are, Noah. And I'll be who I am. Without each other."

His body shifted, but I was stone, unmoving.

"I can't lose you." I heard him let out a light, sarcastic laugh. "I'll die."

I let myself laugh at that.

"No you won't, Noah. Don't be stupid."

7 Years Later

Residency is going to kill me. I may actually die in pursuit of this God awful career I've chosen. I was three years in to a five year program, intending to finish in General Practice, but until that time, I was just an idiotic twenty-seven year-old with no life, no sleep, and no clean fucking clothes to wear.

Every resident gets exactly forty-eight hours of paid time off every three months, and I had not taken mine in over a year. I finally had taken all of my hours - six days total - off of work, and after spending the entire first day sleeping, I was due to meet with Raylene in an hour.

Ray and I met at the beginning of residency, and quickly gotten close. We managed to find an affordable apartment together within walking distance of the hospital, and spent any rare free time we had together. She was currently at her boyfriend's place, spending some much needed time with him, before we went out for the evening.

I was digging through my unfolded laundry, trying to find something not too wrinkled or stained to wear tonight. Ray had told me we were going to a concert for a band she had recently discovered, but she didn't tell me who it was. I didn't care, to be honest. Existing somewhere other than the Emergency Room or my own bed sounded heavenly.

Finally settling on a deep red cropped t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and the Vans I rarely got to wear, I straightened my hair and applied what little makeup I could. I set out of the building to the waiting vehicle downstairs, Ray practically hanging from the passenger window.

"You look so fine!"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Sure. Like I might've slept in the last two weeks?"

She chortled back at me, leaning in her seat once I was in the car. I waved hello to her boyfriend Sean, and gazed at Ray.

"So, Tyler isn't coming."

She frowned at me. "Why not?"

I shrugged. "Said he had a case he was working on, and he really couldn't spare the time."

She rolled her eyes. "Typical lawyer. Too busy for anyone but his clients."

Tyler and I had been dating for about six months now. Maintaining a relationship while having jobs as busy as ours was difficult, but he somehow managed to work it out. He would pop in when he knew I had breaks to bring me food, or have me spend nights off at his place, massaging my neck and helping me get caught up on my favorite series. He was an honest man. A good man.

I liked him.

Right?

It's so hard to tell what's like and what's convenient when you live your life exhausted and overworked, so I didn't have a lot of time to question it.

"Bummer for him. I'm so excited to see this show!" Ray was beaming in the front seat.

"Yeah, who are we seeing, anyway?"

"A band called ERRA. They're opening for a bigger headliner, who I've heard are pretty good too."

I nodded. "I've never heard them."

"It's rock. Metal, really." Sean chimed in, and I acknowledged him silently, looking out of the window.

My mind zoned out while we drove to the House of Blues. Ray and Sean chatted idly up front, but I was just enjoying the fact that I was finally out of the house for once.

That is, until we walked into the venue. The banner poster stared at me, the photographs of the band mocking me...

Bad Omens...they were the headliner.

Memories flooded back to my brain, my insides clenching at the visions.

I hadn't spoken to him since that day...that last day in my apartment. When he left, and never looked back. I didn't even keep in touch with the rest of the guys, for fear that I would be sucked back into the maelstrom that was Noah Davis...

“Y/N?” I turned to see Ray stood behind me, noticing my reaction. “You okay?”

My mind wasn’t comprehending what I was seeing. There’s no way that was them? The last time I had heard of the band, they were one-of-four supporting bands on much larger headliners. Now, they were selling out tickets at their own tour? Seven years was a long time…but how had they gotten this popular?

I wondered this, as if I didn’t know how wildly talented those boys were. Aside from Noah, Nicky, Jolly, and Nick Folio were some of the most intelligent and creative minds I had known. They all brought something special to that band, but I would have never expected this.

Huh. Guess he could live without me after all?

Something bitter crept into the back of my throat, but I swallowed it down, staring at his photograph on the poster.

“Yeah,” I tore my eyes away for a second to look at Raylene. “sorry, I’m fine. Just didn’t realize Bad Omens was the headliner.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You’ve heard of them?”

I pulled my lips to the side. Did I want to tell her?

“Long time ago.”

I couldn’t get past how different he looked in the picture. Last time I saw Noah, his hair was halfway down his back, he was skinny, and he had the thinnest little mustache growing on his upper lip.

In these promo pictures, however, his hair was short, not even reaching his ears, he looked much more muscular, and he had no facial hair. He also had many more tattoos than I remembered. That wasn’t surprising. Noah was a tattoo addict from a very young age.

Jolly had let his hair grow and had the cutest goatee on his chin. Nicky looked almost exactly the same. And Nick, bless his heart, had grown into such a handsome guy. They all looked so grown, so serious and broody. It almost made me giggle, knowing how goofy these guys were in real life.

Noah looked the most stunningly different from the rest. Not only did his entire appearance change, but his eyes…something in them was just so much darker. That harsh flame I had once known was so dim. It almost hurt to see. Almost.

We were making our way out to the pit of the GA floor. I had decided to get myself a cocktail to take the edge off. I didn't plan to come face-to-face with him, and likely wouldn't even get the opportunity to get a good look at him period, but still...just knowing we were in the same room made my throat tighten. I washed it down with Vodka and cranberry juice, hoping the warmth of the liquor would unfreeze my nerves.

The first band, Invent Animate, was entertaining enough. Very interactive with the crowd and high-energy. I found it pleasant, but couldn't get myself to focus long enough to notice what they were singing about. I struggled to breathe, the set ending, and knowing I was one hour closer to seeing his face.

During the intermission, Ray excused herself to the restroom, and I stood with Sean, feeling dizzier as the moments passed.

"Hey, I think I'm going to step out for a second. Get some air."

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You okay? Want me to come with?"

I shook my head. "Nah, don't want you to miss the band you guys came to see. I'll be back."

He nodded, patting me on the shoulder before I weaved in and out of the crowd. I discarded my plastic cup in a trash can before exiting out into the main lobby. I found a spot on the wall near the doors that was unoccupied, and leaned against it, letting my eyes close and my breathing even out.

When I opened my eyes, I searched the room, looking for nothing specific. I landed on the merch tables, and saw someone oddly familiar talking to the lead singer of the last band we had watched...

The liquid courage is what carried me in that direction, smiling to myself.

He stood with his hair pulled back, as usual, and was talking with his hands. Same as he always did.

"Nicky Ruffilo..." I said loud enough to hopefully catch his attention, my hands now grasping the edge of the table.

His head snapped over to look at me, his brows knit together curiously. I could tell he was putting it together.

"No fucking way..." His voice sounded the same as it always had. "Y/N?!"

My teeth flashed at him, and he circled the table to approach me, his arms pulling me into a tight hug.

"Jesus Christ, I didn't recognize you!" That was fair.

Since the last time I had seen any of the guys, I had bleached my hair a pale blonde, lost twenty-five pounds, and had grown two cup sizes. I was, for all intents and purposes, an entirely different person.

"Yeah, well I absolutely recognized you." I said as I gripped his shirt, squeezing him tight.

"How long has it been?" He asked, pulling back to look at me.

"Uh," I thought for a moment. "seven-ish years?"

Nick's eyes were in disbelief, an amazed leer on his face. "God damn, girl. I can't believe it."

I pointed to the banner above his head. "Headlining now, huh? That's amazing!"

He smiled, proudly. "Yeah, we've worked really hard. A lot's changed."

My eyes fell on Noah's face on the poster. "I can see that."

I could tell he was pondering, a question hanging on the edge of his tongue. It was the most obvious question, so I answered for him.

"He doesn't know I'm here."

He nodded, leaning an arm on the table comfortably. "Ah, okay. You didn't want him to?"

I snorted. "I didn't even know I'd be here. My friends came to see ERRA, and that's when I realized you guys were here."

"Makes sense." He had crossed his arms. "Do you want him to know?"

Contemplating this, I let my face fall to get away from his gaze. I wasn't certain how to answer that, but it seemed like the answer was clear regardless.

"No." I sighed hard. "It's probably for the best that he doesn't, right?"

I couldn't read Nick's face, if he was disappointed or relieved. He seemed to be pretty satisfied with my answer, but I could tell he had more he wished he could say.

"Fair enough." Was all he gave me, before letting out a breath. "So, you still live up here?"

I let my muscles relax for a second. "Yeah, doing a residency at Brigham right now."

"Residency? Does that mean you're a doctor?" He asked, clearly confused.

I cackled at this. "Yeah, full blown doctor. Got the little 'MD' after my name and everything."

He beamed at me. "That's so great! Congratulations!"

"Thank you, Nicky." It fell quiet between us once again, and I could hear ERRA's set beginning. "Well, I should probably-"

He spoke over me. "Yeah! Those guys put on a great show. Don't miss it!"

I gave him another hug, reveling in how warm he still felt.

Turning to walk away, I stopped, needing one last thing...

"Nick?"

His face turned back to me.

"How is he?"

I could see the sadness fall over his tan features, and I instantly regretted asking.

"He's..." He trailed off, taking in a large breath. "He's different, Y/N. I doubt you'd recognize him."

"How so?"

Something about my question almost seemed to annoy him. Odd?

"Like I said, a lot has changed. He's changed. He had to." He gestured to me. "Same way you did."

I accepted this, not wanting to press any further. "Thanks, Nick."

He pointed a finger at me. "Hey, we're going to be back here in the fall for a couple days. Don't be a stranger, okay?" I grinned at this. "I know Jolly and Folio would kill to see you."

I just nodded, turning and walking away. My eyes met with Ray's, who was standing, watching my interaction. How much had she seen? Did she hear anything?

"Hey, what are you doing? You're missing ERRA!"

Her brows were pulled up suspiciously. "Who was that?" She pointed after Nick, who had now disappeared from the merch table.

I shook my head. "Oh, that guy? He's the bassist in the headliner band."

This wasn't good enough for her, I could tell by the way she pursed her lips. "Uh-huh. And...you just decided to chat him up like old friends?"

I groaned. "Ugh, how long were you standing there?"

She put all her weight on one hip. "Long enough to see you two talking like you've known each other before. Care to explain?"

Raylene was so nosey. She came by it honestly, her father being a police detective. But still, why did this matter?

"It's not a big deal, Ray. I'll tell you later."

I pulled on her arm, trying to lead her back to the concert hall, but she stood firm, eyeing me. I sucked my teeth in frustration.

"Damn it, alright, come here."

She followed me to the doors leading outside, and we stepped into the cool air.

"Alright, look, I've known Nick since I was ten."

Her eyes jumped. "Oh? Back in West Virginia?"

I nodded. "Exactly. I had no idea their band was going to be here."

"Do you know anyone else in the band?"

I glanced around, feeling wildly uncomfortable by the conversation.

"I may know the entire band."

Her eyes exploded, nearly shooting out of her face cartoonistically.

"What?! The whole band?" I just nodded. "Jesus, Y/N. That's insane!"

I giggled. "I guess. It's just a coincidence."

She smiled at me. "Well that's awesome! Do you want to see the rest of them after? They're doing a free merch signing."

Panic filled my chest, and I put a hand out to grab her shoulder. "No, no. I don't, uh..." I tried to keep my voice solid. "I don't keep in touch with them anymore."

Her eyes narrowed. "Oh? Okay, if you're sure." Something in my voice must have made her feel my anxiety.

We turned, ready to make our way back inside.

"It is too bad. The lead singer's a real looker. I heard one of the girls in the crowd say his name was Noah Sebastian? He's pretty cute."

I almost walked straight into the door, my foot banging off of the pillar. Ray turned around to see me, and something about the look on my face made realization flash over her.

"Oh my God, are you ok-" She stopped dead, eyes widening again. "Wait..."

"Ray, don't." I knew what she had figured out.

"Noah..." I put my hands up, glancing around to ensure no one was looking at us. "As in...Noah? Your old best friend?!"

I shushed her harshly. "Please, Ray. I don't want to think about this."

"That's the guy?! Noah Sebastian is the guy that broke your heart?!"

I was going to actually vomit at that.

"Fuck! Can we not?!" I raised my voice, which made her snap her mouth closed. "Besides, I don't know a Noah Sebastian."

She looked confused. "Is that not his real name?"

I rolled my eyes, turning to walk back in. "It's his middle name."

I spaced out most of what was left of ERRA's set, just trying to put the pieces back together in my brain. This night had not turned into what I had hoped.

I just wanted one night, an easy night, to take a deep breath away from my hectic life. Instead, I was reliving some of my most painful memories, and had a headache to go right along with it from the alcohol. My chest vibrated, the bass just making it so much more difficult to focus.

I stood off of the GA floor, near the bar area, not even realizing the band had finished, and people were swarming to grab drinks and use the restrooms before the men of the evening appeared. Ray approached me, another Vodka cran in her hand, and pushed it into mine.

"Here my love, drink this." I took a long gulp of it. "Do you want us to go? We don't have to stay..."

My eyes were fixed on the stage, where I could see people setting up the equipment. "No." I huffed out a breath, and squeezed my cup. "No, I want to see them play, I think."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're sure? This can't be easy for you."

My eyes burned into her face, which almost made her flinch. "I may never get to see him again, Ray. I have to."

She just nodded, arm linking with mine. "You want to watch from up here?"

I nodded, crunching on a piece of ice from my drink. "No chance of him spotting me back here."

She affirmed my request, and leaned back against the wall with me.

I felt my phone vibrate, and I pulled it from my pocket to see Tyler's name on the screen.

Tyler: Hey beautiful! How's the show?

I held my breath. What kind of a question was that?

Me: Fine. Almost over, just one band left.

He didn't take but a minute to respond.

Tyler: Having fun?

Ha, what a joke.

Me: Yeah. I've had some drinks, so it's helping.

Tyler: Well, enjoy it baby! You deserve it.

That wasn't fair. None of it was. Having to see Noah? The fact that I had an amazing guy, who genuinely liked me, who waited for me. But I still couldn't get my mind off of that irritatingly beautiful face about to take the stage.

The lights went down, and I felt myself tense, throwing back the rest of my drink. My teeth were numb, if that made any sense at all. Ray's hand gripped mine tight, holding me up.

A cinematic scene played on the screens, but I wasn't watching, eyes hastily searching the stage.

A tall man, who I instantly recognized as Jolly, stepped center-stage, a guitar in his hand playing the opening riff to the song. It was heavy, deep and soul shaking.

Folio came out next, his face, like Jolly's, covered in a black ski mask.

Nick took his spot, playing his bass tones.

And then, as the opening crescendoed, a voice rang through the speakers.

A voice I'd never forget.

"Can you hear me through the white noise?"

He blasted onto the stage, glory and all, face covered and thick black jacket on his shoulders.

He sounded different. Angry. Raw, Aggressive. The feeling that sank in my stomach pulled me back further against the wall.

The song played through, his words pulsing through my veins.

As quick as it had started, it was over, and we were on to the next.

The next track was calmer, red lights glowing all throughout the stage.

They had all removed their masks, and I saw his face for the first time. He looked so much older, making it difficult for me to believe he was the same person.

The words of the song resonated deep in my thoughts.

"I don't want to know all your secrets, cause I'll tell. It's hard enough being alone with myself. I don't know how long I'll be holding on..."

Breathing deeply, I watched as the crowd moved with the music, electrifying the energy in the room. It was intoxicating.

Noah had changed...

The set played on without hitch, the entire time I caught myself holding in breaths until I felt my lungs nearly bursting. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, feeling the familiar ache beginning to creep back in.

The music stopped, and a bunch of lights came up. By this time, Noah had discarded his jacket, button-up, and only stood in a black tank top, hands wrapped in what looked like boxing wraps?

"Alright, Boston, how we feeling?" His speaking voice even sounded different...

The crowd erupted.

"We are Bad Omens, and we sincerely appreciate you all being here tonight. The next song we are going to play for you all has been the biggest turning point this band has ever seen." I heard the screams, and did my best to tune them out so I could hear his words. "Is anyone familiar with a song called Just Pretend?"

The room rocked with the cheers and chants of the crowd.

"That volume that I just heard? That's the volume I want to hear you sing this with me, okay? Don't worry about trying to hit the perfect note or get all of the words right. It's about us all, being here together tonight."

The music played softly behind him when his lips reached the microphone.

"I can wait for you at the bottom. I can stay away if you want me to. I can wait for years if I gotta. Heaven knows I ain't getting over you..."

My heart twisted in my chest.

"I'm not afraid, of the war you've come to wage against my sins. I'm not okay, but I can try my best to just pretend. So will you wait me out? Or will you drown me out?"

The tears pooled in my eyes. No fucking way. The song played on, mocking me with the lyrics.

"I know the pain that you hide behind the smile on your face. And not a day goes by where I don't think I feel the same."

"We'll try again, when we're not so different. We will make amends, till then I'll just pretend."

My hands came up to cover my face, my lip trembling hard.

"Weigh down on me. Stay till morning. Way down. Would you say I'm worthy?"

I choked on a sob, my legs pushing me forward, and I ran out of the room. I felt my stomach lurching, my mouth clamping closed as I ran toward the bathroom.

I heard Ray chasing behind me. "Y/N! Wait!"

Flying into the bathroom and finding the first open stall, I fell to my knees, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. My hands gripped my hair, tears falling hard down my face.

"Oh God, babe." Ray reached to grab my hair from me as I wretched all of the Vodka out of my stomach, my heart and soul pouring out with it.

When I finished, I let my chest heave with sobs, my hand covering my eyes in ebarrassment.

"Fuck, Ray." I said as I wiped my face with the tissue she handed me. "I've got to get the hell out of here."

She nodded. "Okay, my love. Let's do that."

After a solid twenty minutes of cleaning myself up in the bathroom, we stepped out, noticing the crowd now formed outside, waiting at the table for the band to come out for the signing. Ray was frantically dialing Sean, trying to find him among the sea of people. I just plopped myself down on the floor near the restroom, trying to relax as best as I could.

"Y/N?" I looked up at her. "I have to go find Sean. He isn't answering. Can you wait here for me?"

I just nodded, defeated. She was gone, lost within the abyss of people, and I sat, waiting, head in my hands.

I was pulled out of my stupor by the sound of cheering. The band had come out, all waving and smiling. I didn't even bother chancing a glance at him, for fear I may vomit again.

Ray had not come back yet, despite the four or five texts I had now sent her. I had been waiting for a solid thirty minutes, people watching the line and avoiding seeing his face. The ropes of the line were blocking my view of the faces sitting at the table.

After another fifteen, Ray finally bounded up to me, out of breath, Sean in tow.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry! That crowd is vicious!"

I stood slowly, the room only slightly spinning. I swallowed the dry, disgusting feeling in my throat, and began moving toward the exits that were now mostly clear.

"Let's go." She nodded at me, and took my arm. We had to wait behind several people trying to all get through the same revolving door. My skin felt spiky and cold.

"Hang on! Wait!"

A voice behind me made ice run through my veins, and I closed my eyes, begging whatever God existed to spare me in this moment.

A hand gripped my shoulder, and I tensed, turning my face, and my eyes looked straight at him.

He had spotted me, running from his table to catch me. He had to have been pretty damn sure it was me to chase after me like that. Fans began to crowd us, camera phones coming out, pictures snapping.

The look on his face was much less certain than I expected, as if he possibly made a mistake.

"I'm sorry..." His voice was unsteady. "Do I," He cleared his throat, eyes bouncing back and forth between my own. "know you?"

My eyebrows shot up. He really didn't recognize me?

He thought he did, but now...

"No. I don't think so." I spit out my words, teeth grinding together. It felt exactly the same as the last time I had seen him.

He dropped his hand, eyes still transfixed on mine. "I swore..."

I just turned my body, pressing my way past the gathered crowd, not giving him the chance to think it through.

In the car, I stared out the back window, arms wrapped around myself.

"What did he say, honey?" Ray's voice was so gentle.

"He didn't recognize me. He thought he did, but once he got up close, I guess I look too different." My words were only a peg above a whisper.

"You going to be okay? I don't have to stay at Sean's."

I just wiped the stray tear off of my cheek. "It's fine. I'd rather be alone."

A long, scalding shower, two handfuls of shredded cheese, and a solid half-hour crying session later, I was laid catatonically on my bed, eyes staring at the screen as Grey's Anatomy flashed across my screen.

I had blanked my mind out, forcing myself to let the thoughts go for the night. I was too tired and broken to let my heart hurt like this again. It took a solid year to get over Noah enough that I was able to function again. My first year of med school was disappointing, and I didn't make any friends until I made it into the second year. It took me nearly three to start dating.

I couldn't do that again.

I had been ignoring the texts going off on my phone, assuming it was Ray just checking on me for the thousandth time. I did, however, decide to take a look when I heard my ringtone going off.

Who would be calling me at 2AM?

I didn't even bother checking the screen before I put the phone up to my ear, my voice hoarse from crying.

"Hello?"

"What are the odds that you haven't changed your number after all this time?"

I sat bolt upright, my voice catching in my throat. The voice on the other end sounded nearly as wrecked as mine.

"Noah?" It barely came out.

"It's been a long time."

I cleared the newly formed phlegm out of my throat. "It has."

"I knew that was you." It sounded deadly quiet in the background of his end of the line. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming tonight?"

I sighed. "Nick told you?"

"He might've."

I groaned. "Well, I asked him not to."

"Why?"

I scoffed. "What do you mean, why?" I rubbed my eyes. "We're not exactly speaking anymore, Noah."

He hummed. "That's true."

I chewed on my lip, not having any kind of clue of what to say.

"What did you think?"

"Of the show?"

"Mhm."

I sighed. "It was good. Different than what I would have expected."

A soft laugh came through the line. "How so?"

I smiled at that. "It's just a lot different than what I expected your music to sound like."

"In a bad way?"

"No. Not at all."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." His voice was so serious. So monotone. Nothing at all like what I remembered.

The line fell silent again, and I found this irritating. What was he playing at?

"Why did you call, Noah?"

I heard a breath on the other end, and some rustling. "I don't know."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have."

"Maybe. I wanted to hear your voice."

My stomach tightened. "Now you have. I should go."

"Wait..." I held the phone firm, waiting. "I want to see you."

My heart pounded. "What?"

"I need to see you." His words were so matter-of-fact.

"I don't think so, Noah. That's not a great idea."

"It's not, but I'm asking..." He sounded so small. "Can I please see you?"

I perused the idea. "When?"

"Now?"

I scrunched up my face, sitting up again. "Now? It's after two in the morning."

"I don't care. I'll come to wherever you are."

This struck me. Maybe he hadn't changed?

"I, uh," I struggled to speak. "Noah, I don't know. I'm at home, it's late. I should be sleeping."

"Y/N?" I stopped, listening. "Please?"

I am a weak woman, and that is just plain fact. I was frantically running throughout the apartment, attempting to tidy any kind of mess I could get my hands on. Ray and I hadn't taken the time to really clean in months, so it was stressing me out. My pajama pants were hanging low on my hips, and I swam in my large sweatshirt.

My hair was falling loose around my face, and I was sure my eyes were puffy from the crying I had done. How insane was I? Had I completely lost it?

It was almost 3AM when a knock came at my apartment door, and I froze in place. What was I doing? Why was I allowing this to happen? I didn't need to do this to myself.

I was fine, living in my normal, tired bubble. I was headed towards a successful career that would take me further than I ever imagined. Why was I allowing this trainwreck of a friendship back into my life? What was I thinking?!

I wasn't. That was the answer to that question.

I opened the door, not sure what to expect on the other side. He stood, still as tall as I remembered, looming in the doorway. He wore a black hoodie, hands tucked neatly in the pocket. Dark blue jeans and black Converse. A white beanie covering his hair.

Like this, he looked almost recognizable. Except for his eyes...

Just like in the photograph I had seen earlier, his eyes were so dark. There was very little life behind them. Deep blue circles hung under the rims, making a pull in my chest show itself.

I just stood, blocking the doorway, hand white-knuckling the frame.

"Hi." Was all he managed. He was staring at me, eyes moving up and down my face as if he was seeing an apparition.

"Hi." I echoed, trying to not feel out of place under his stare.

"I'm glad you agreed to see me." He didn't move an inch, his jaw ticking closed with his last work.

I just nodded, letting out all of my air. "Yeah, well, you were insistent."

He nodded, finally looking away from me and down at the ground.

"I had to."

I pursed my lips, narrowing my eyes. "Did you?" He raised a brow at me. "Did you just have to see me? Because I think we probably would've been alright without it."

I could see his face fall, hurt by what I said, but I didn't care. He never did.

"I'm sorry. I know it's selfish."

"Mm," I pinched my lips together, and opened my door wider. "come in."

I stalked back into the house, not daring to look back at him. I heard the door shut behind me, and I steadied myself, expecting to turn around and see him vanished.

To my chagrin, he was still there.

Deciding not to stagnate, I walked into the kitchen, pulling a bottle of tea from the fridge, and walking back out to the living area. He hadn't moved, and was still staring at me.

"So." I motioned to him. "What can I do for you?"

Noah was so statuesque, as if carved right out of stone. "I don't really know."

My face lifted, a smirk on my lips. "You don't know? Noah," I placed a hand on my hip. "you show up here at 3AM, and you have no idea why?"

He shrugged, eyes begging me for mercy. "I'm sorry. I don't."

"Can you stop apologizing and just tell me why you're here?!" My patience snapped, startling even me.

This took him back, but instead of tucking tail and backing away, he stood straighter, face hardening.

"I can't tell you why I'm here if I don't know, alright?" His words were stern.

"Well you must have some kind of reason? Because this feels wildly unnecessary."

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "It is? So you didn't want to see me?"

I set my tea on the coffee table and stood nonchalantly. "Not really."

He narrowed his eyes. "I don't buy it." He took a step toward me, but I stood firm. "If you didn't you wouldn't have stayed, tonight. You would've left after you saw the band your friends went to see."

He was closer now, and it felt like a string had tethered between us, the tension slowly slacking.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to see your set. See how the band was doing."

He snickered at me. "Oh, sure. Of course." His hands finally appeared from his pockets, one running over his chin. "Which song was your favorite?"

Oop. I wasn't expecting that.

"The second one. Villain, or something?"

He nodded. "Like A Villain." Noah's eyes weren't buying it. "Which one did you like least?"

I scoffed. "I don't know, Noah? The first one?"

"Mm, and which one was that?"

I was swallowing the lump in my throat. I couldn't remember, the night blurring together.

"Uh, I don't know the name."

He took a step back, triumphant. "You weren't there for the set. You wanted to see me."

Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms. "Still as self-absorbed as ever, I see?"

"Am I wrong?"

He had me backed into a corner, and he fucking knew it.

I threw my arms up. "Fine! Maybe I did. But you wanted to see me too."

He sneered at me, venom on his lips. "Obviously, or else I wouldn't be here."

"You still haven't said why."

"Why did you want to see me?"

My voice was raising, frustration growing. "I don't know!"

"I don't know either!" He yelled back at me, and my mouth snapped closed. Noah never raised his voice at me. Not ever.

He took three long strides over to me until he was only stood a foot away.

"I didn't expect to ever see you again, Y/N! I thought you were gone forever! So imagine my surprise when I see you walking out of the House of Blues, and you deny even knowing me!"

I felt like shrinking into a ball right there on the floor, ceasing to exist.

"I wanted to see you because how could I not?! Seven fucking years, Y/N!" He backed down for a second, his breathing becoming ragged. "I've been waiting seven years."

I furrowed my brow. "Waiting?"

"For you to reach out. To tell me you missed me. To give me some kind of indication we could reconcile and be us again."

There was a fire, deep down in my gut, that I had never been able to truly extinguish. A fire Noah had lit years ago. A mine shaft burning like the depths of hell in my belly that I had buried under concrete and therapy, keeping it at bay.

In my apartment, tonight, that fire broke loose. And there was no stopping it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I took a step forward, pressing into his space, index finger jabbing into his chest. "I was supposed to reach out?!"

He took a step back, eyes now full of fear.

"I professed my love to you, Noah! I told you I wanted you, and you fucking left!"

He puffed at me, pointing a finger back at me. "You told me to leave!'

"Yes! Because you told me you didn't love me! You told me you couldn't love me the way I loved you!"

He squeezed his lids shut tight, growling and turning away from me, taking several steps away. His hands came up, gripping the beanie on his head.

"God damn it Y/N!" He turned to look at me, a fiery rage matching my own behind his eyes. "Of course I fucking loved you!"

My heart stopped, completely motionless.

"What?"

"I've always loved you! From the moment I laid fucking eyes on you! I've never loved anyone, no one, the way I loved you!" He charged me, backing me toward the couch. "But I couldn't love you, Y/N! I wasn't good enough. I was a piss-poor high school dropout musician trying to make a name for himself, and, until recently, failing miserably."

I couldn't speak, thoughts racing so fast, I struggled to keep up.

"And you?" He pointed a finger back into my chest. "You were smart, and motivated, and you were going to make something of yourself. I couldn't drag you down with me. I couldn't force you to follow this journey with me. It would've ruined your life!"

My lungs weren't working right, and my hands were shaking. He wasn't actually saying this. I was hallucinating.

"So I left. I left to give you a chance at a real life. Which, evidently, you've managed to build without me." He took a step back, then, dropping his hands. "And I, somehow, without you."

This hurt me, hearing he had managed to become so successful, despite my involvement.

"Noah, I had no idea-"

"No," He cut me off. "you didn't."

I hadn't even caught the tears falling from my eyes, blurring my vision until he was just a watery mess in front of me.

"You didn't need me." I choked out, and he looked directly at me, inquisitively. "You've made it so far. You're a rockstar now, Noah."

He scoffed. "Y/N, you don't get it." He looked away from me, focused on the wall behind me. "I died without you. Something inside of me was lost the day I left, and I never got it back."

"Well, you're successful now, so it can't be so bad, right?"

He snorted, shaking his head. "Success always comes with a price."

My lips were wet with the tears I couldn't hold in, and I couldn't keep my breathing even. I knew he saw it, but hesitated to engage, wanting to keep a wide berth between us. I couldn't take it. It was too much.

Hearing he loved me. Hearing I had been wrong all this time. Hearing that the heartbreak I felt for so long wasn't his fault. He was protecting me, even after all these years.

"Noah?" He chanced a glance at me, and I saw his own eyes sparkling with moisture.

I couldn't take it.

I rushed him, grabbing hold of his shoulder and clinging on, desperate to find relief against him. My lips smashed into his, tearing apart the barrier I had worked so hard to build.

His hands grabbed me, holding me into place against him, his lips melted into mine, returning the kiss fervently. We were hopeless. We were hungry.

My tears didn't stop flowing, emotion pouring out of every pore. My fingers clawed at him, needing to get closer. My hand grabbed the beanie, and pulled it off of his head, his dark hair falling over his eyes. I gripped it at the scalp, trying to pull myself closer.

Feeling what I was attempting to do, his hands lifted me by the back of my legs, so I could wrap them around his midsection. I refused to disconnect the kiss, breathing in his soul. It was so real and so familiar. How I missed it like hell.

His legs carried us to the couch, where he sat us down. My legs straddled him, and I finally pulled away to tug at the sweatshirt he wore. He made quick work of pulling it up over his head while I did the same with my own. Reconnecting our lips, my hands wandered over his neck and chest, scratching at the fabric of his shirt.

His teeth caught my bottom lip, and I moaned into his mouth. His fingers pulled at the waistband of my pajama pants, and I lifted myself enough to slip them off, replacing myself on his lap. His jeans were already getting tighter as his hands smoothed up and down my thighs.

"Fucking hell." He looked down, staring at my bare breasts in front of him. "These got bigger, huh?"

I laughed, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, well, things change."

His fingers gripped around my left breast, lips falling to circle around the hardened nipple. I let my head fall back, relishing in the warm feeling spreading throughout my body.

"Still so fucking beautiful, just like I remember." I pulled at the hair on the back of his neck. "Did you miss me, baby girl?"

I ground my hips down against him in response. His hand began playing with the button of his jeans, and I moved it away to open them myself.

I stood up to pull his jeans down to his knees, his boxers bulging in the crotch.

"Oh, fuck." I sighed out. "Yeah, I missed you."

His smile then was devious, some of that regular spark shining back in his eyes. "Then show me, huh?"

Reaching into the opening of his underwear, I pulled his cock free, taking a moment to remember just how large it was. It had been a very long time since I had seen anything quite that impressive. Dipping my head down, I licked a long stripe up the shaft, lingering on the head to gather the precome leaking out.

"Holy shit." His head fell back on the couch, his eyes rolling back with it. "Mm, do that again, please?"

I smirked, looking up at him. "Only since you asked so nicely."

My tongue repeated the movement, drawing out a hard groan out of him, his legs twitching. "Fuck yeah, baby."

Without warning, I wrapped my lips around him and swallowed him as far down as my throat would allow, gagging on the tip as it struck my tonsils. His hips jolted upward, effectively fucking my throat.

"Please, Y/N, I won't last that way." He begged, his words only coming out as breaths. "I need to feel you, please."

He was begging, and I couldn't resist it. I needed him too.

I stood back up, and kneeled on either side of him, carefully lining him up with my entrance. When I sunk down, that delicious burn pierced through me, and my body collapsed onto him at the intensity of it.

"Noah, oh my God." He ran a hand up my back, allowing me a moment to adjust.

"I know, baby. I know." He soothed me, rubbing small circles into my skin.

My hips stuttered forward, needing to feel the friction. His hand reached down to grab my ass, and lifted me upward. Without warning, his hips snapped forward and fucked into me, making a sharp scream leave my lips.

My face rested on his chest, whimpers falling from my throat with each hard thrust.

"Fuck, you missed me, pretty girl?" He was panting between his words, his rhythm picking up speed. "Missed the way I fuck you?"

My eyes were rolling back, the tears from before now replaced with tears of raw pleasure.

"I'll bet you've never been fucked like this, huh?" His words were just tones of desire playing in my ears, his cock absolutely destroying me. "No one can fuck you like I can, baby. No one."

My nails dug hard into his shirt, begging for release.

"Let me know when you come, baby. Not finishing until you do."

Luckily for him, I was riding the edge so hard it was making the room spin. Biting my lip to keep from screaming, I lifted myself to look at his face.

"Noah," I searched his eyes, his hips not faltering. "I love you."

He grit his teeth, trying to focus on me and his hips at the same time. "I love you, too. So fucking much."

My face fell back down, landing on the side of his neck. "I'm going to come. Please, Noah, I'm so close..."

He, somehow, managed to pump into me harder, sending my body over the cliff and into the warm waves of my orgasm. My body went slack against him as my walls pulsed around his length.

I heard him curse, and his hips stilled. I felt him spasming inside me, and silently thanked myself for my IUD.

We laid that way, sweaty and heaving, for a solid ten minutes before either of us could find the strength to move. I slipped him out of me, and sat up to look at him. He looked absolutely wrecked, in the best possible way.

I smiled, feeling a warmth spread over me.

"Hi." Was all I could manage.

He chuckled tiredly. "Hi."

After our excursion, Noah and I had taken a few minutes to clean up, and, being as exhausted as you'd expect, decided to lay together for a while.

He told me he had to leave within a few hours to get back to his hotel, heading to the next city bright and early, so I told him I'd stay up until he had to leave.

However, in my bed, his arms wrapped tightly around me, his voice whispering sweet words in my ears, I struggled to remain conscious.

"Do you remember when I bought you that Oasis album for your fourteenth birthday? That was basically me professing my love to you."

"I was such an idiot. I should've just told you."

"You have no idea how much I've missed you. I don't think you'll ever understand."

"I'm so sorry. I wish things were different..."

And that's how I woke up, light in my bedroom far too bright, and my bed empty.

I don't know what I expected? For him to stay? Fuck off his tour to make up for lost time with me?

But still, my chest stung when I saw he had left, but I wasn't surprised.

Something had changed last night, and the darkness that lingered in the depths of my being had lifted, leaving me with a sense of hope I hadn't felt before.

When I had woken for the day, clearing the cobwebs from my eyes, I contemplated my next move. He had surely left town already, but that didn't mean I couldn't keep in touch, right?

Pulling out my phone, I found his contact, and opened a text thread.

Me: Hey, call me when you can. I think we have a lot to talk about. :)

I set my phone down on the bathroom counter, preparing to brush my teeth when my phone dinged, and the notification told me the text had failed.

Odd?

I resent it, getting the same response.

Why would my messages fail? I paid my bill, right?

Quickly dialing Ray's number, I held the phone to my ear and heard the ringing, so I knew my service was fine. Giving her a quick apology for waking her, I hung up, and went back to my texts.

His number was the same, right?

I went back to my call logs, seeing it was his number that called me last night, so it was the same as it had always been.

So...what the hell?

My finger hovered over the number for a moment, and I weighed the options before finally resolving to just call him. Make sure I wasn't losing my mind.

I held the phone to my face as I started brushing my teeth, waiting for the call to connect.

"The number you have reached is not in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please hang up and try your call again."

#bad omens #noah sebastian #fanfic #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fic #bad omens cult

266 notes · View notes

alphajocklover · 7 months ago

Note

I'd like to see how my life would have turned out, 20 years ago, had I joined my college football team instead of the college theater group.

Fuck. Fucking hell this fucking sucks. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude. It’s not you, you’re not the reason I’m upset. Your request is interesting and I want to help you with it, I really do. It’s just… to do this, we’re going to have to use time travel. It’s not that it’s impossible or anything, I actually own a time machine so that’s not an issue. It’s that… I fucking hate time travel.

I don’t hate the concept of time travel itself. I think it can be a lot of fun in works of fiction. Doctor Who, Back to the Future, and Star Trek are all things that heavily feature time travel that I’m a big fan of. It’s just that, in real life, it gets so stupidly complicated. You know how every work of fiction seems to have different rules for turn travel? In real life time travel follows all these rules and none of them all at once. If that seems confusing, that’s because it is. It’s insane. But it’s the best chance for doing this, so we’re going to give it a try. Now, close your eyes and hold onto me tight. This is going to feel weird.

You can open your eyes now. Be careful though, it’s going to take a second for your eyes to adjust. We’re outside now, on the football field of your old college. You don’t have to worry about anyone seeing us. I may hate time travel but the time machine is pretty useful. Time travel, space travel, and camouflage. But that’s not important right now. See that skinny guy standing on the opposite side of the field? You should recognize him. It’s you, 20 years ago, as a college freshman. You really wanted to join the football team huh? I can see the longing in your eyes… but also some serious nervousness. I’m guessing this is about when you back out and decide to join the school's theater group. Not this time though. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna change anything drastic. I’m just going to give you a little… push in the right direction. Have to get you to join the team somehow. I just have to whisper some things in his, or I guess your ear while we’re in camouflage… and just like that everything is going to change. Welcome to the football team. You’re a little late on becoming a jock, but you’re a hard worker. You’ll catch up. Speaking of which…

We jumped forward in time. I probably should have warned you, I was just excited to see the changes. We’re not all the way back to the present, not yet. It’s been a year since the other you joined the football team, and just like I predicted you caught up real quick. Even when you were in theater you were a hard worker, and now that you’ve dedicated yourself to football instead, you’re an absolute beast. You’ve had a major growth spurt and fit right in with the guys who have been playing football since middle school, a total jock through and through. Looks like this version of you acts a little more jockish too. Probably because you’ve been spending so much time around jocks, they’ve been rubbing off on you. Literally in one very special case. That’s right, the new you managed to do what you never could in college: get a jock boyfriend. In the original timeline he never even looked your way, but now Tim Wire, the most popular jock in school, is head over heels for you. You two seem to have a great relationship… Let's see if it lasts.

Another jump forward, a much bigger one this time. It’s been about 5 years since you joined the football team. You didn’t go professional, not because you couldn’t but because you didn’t want to. A guy like you could have been a superstar, but you and your fiancée Tim agreed you both wanted something more stable. So you opened up a chain of gyms. It’s a small business, but it has a lot of potential for growth, especially with you as the face of the operation. You basically have it made. You own a small, successful business, have a sexy husband, and are about to adopt a 3 year old. Your life is fucking perfect. Let’s see if it gets better.

A final jump forward. We’re 20 years after you joined the football team, back into the present. You’re still the old you, but that’s only because I have to ‘finalize’ the changes. Take a look around. You might not recognize this place, this huge mansion, but it’s your home. You, your husband Tim, and your adopted son all live here together. This must be your home gym, and I believe that’s you and him flexing over there. Looks like the little guy ended up taking after his dads. He’s huge for an 18 year old. He’s smart too, all ready to take over the family business when you retire. Your gyms are a very successful franchise now, if you can’t tell from the sheer size of your house. It’s just my opinion but I think your life really would have been better if you joined the football team back then. And now it can be. All you need to do is press this button, and finalize the changes. It’s your choice-

Ok, that was quick. I guess it was an easy choice. I hope you enjoy your new life. I would if I were you. I mean a muscular sexy husband, a son you can be proud of, a successful business and an incredible amount of muscles and confidence. You’ve got it made. I just hope we didn’t change too much. I didn’t realize you’d start a gym franchise. That could have a big impact.

I’m sure it’s nothing though. I mean, how many lives can a gym really change?

#muscle growth tf #muscle tf #jock tf #jock transformation #jockification #nerd to jock #reality change #retcon #time travel tf #DILF tf

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fazedlight · 10 months ago

Text

Confusion (Late S6 vibes. I found a use for William… I’m sorry?)

The Catco elevators opened to a chaotic scene as Lena stepped out. Despite being afterhours - it had just passed 6pm - employees were shuffling around everywhere, with frequent murmurs and occasional shouts flying by.

“Looking for Kara?” Nia said, passing by Lena while holding a large stack of papers on the brink of falling. Lena opened her mouth to speak, but Nia didn’t wait for an answer. “She’ll be back in a few minutes, I think she’s meeting with Andrea.”

Lena nodded as Nia quickly disappeared into the backrooms. Guess this is normal when they crash the issue, Lena thought, making her way to Kara’s desk and setting down the mocha and pastries she had brought from Noonan’s. She had been lucky to get there just before closing, after Kara’s text that they’d have to skip movie night in favor of a late night at work.

“Lena,” came a deep voice behind her, “What are you doing here?”

Lena turned, nodding to William as he approached. “Just bringing Kara some stuff,” she said, gesturing to Kara’s desk. “Late night for you too?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Hopefully the last, before I move back to London.”

“You’re moving?”

“Looking forward to going home,” William said. “I’ll be leaving in a few weeks. Just enough time to hand off my responsibilities at Catco.”

“Going back to The Times?” Lena asked.

William nodded. His eyes drifted to the coffee and sweets, and Lena noticed a tinge of confusion. “I best get going,” he said, not remarking on what he was thinking. “The senator’s fraud case means I have an article to rewrite.”

“Good luck,” Lena said, as he waved and left. Lena turned back, finding Kara as she rounded the corner with Andrea. Kara met Lena’s eyes, and the blonde smiled wide.

---

“You smell like smoke,” Lena said, brushing ash off of Kara’s shoulder, eyeing the charcoal hues that tinged her supersuit.

“A forest fire will do that,” Kara said, practically shaking like a dog to get other ash off her hair. “Luckily we got it before it spread very far.”

William glanced over curiously from where he was jotting notes. He had been working with Alex and Brainy on mapping out city hotspots when Supergirl had arrived back from her firefighting. It hadn’t taken long for Lena to make her way out of the lab and go up to the super.

“I think we gotta spray you down,” Lena teased.

“Brainy said the nanobots can handle it,” Kara said, tossing her hair back. “I just gotta deactivate at some point.”

“Yeah, you gonna get around to that soon?”

“Will you two knock it off?” Alex said, her voice aggrieved. “Some of us are trying to get work done.”

The two had the good sense to look a little bashful, and William glanced over curiously. From his side, he could hear Alex mutter “just good friends, my ass”, and he watched as Supergirl threw her head up towards Alex, flushing slightly, and seeming suddenly unable to look a confused Lena in the eye.

This is going a bit too far, William thought, eyes darting to Lena. Flirting with Kara? And Supergirl?

---

“Well, it’s been great working with you,” Supergirl said, extending her hand.

William returned the gesture, then doing similar with Alex, and J’onn, and Lena. “Please do keep in touch,” he said. “I’d love to hear from you when you’re back in London.”

“Have a safe fli-” Supergirl suddenly turned her head.

“Something going on?” Alex asked.

“Bank robbery downtown. Might be a big one,” Supergirl said. “Safe flight, William. We’ll see you later.”

William nodded as Supergirl left, J’onn and Alex following. That left him behind with Lena, who didn’t frequent the field unless magic was afoot. Which left him a bit grateful for the chance…

“Well, William-”

“Don’t break her heart, Lena.”

Lena’s brows furrowed, utterly perplexed. “What?”

“I see you,” William said, a serious expression on his face. “The way you flirt with Supergirl. The way you flirt with Kara.”

“Kara- flirt-” Lena’s eyes widened.

“Look, they’re both clearly interested in you,” William said. “All I’m saying is be clear with your intentions. Kara doesn’t deserve a broken heart.”

“I don’t have intentions. With- with either of them,” Lena answered.

William’s face tensed with skepticism. I’ve said my piece, he decided. “It’s been great working with you, Lena.”

---

William tilted his head back against the plane’s headrest. The 5hrs from National City to Metropolis had been annoying enough. Now it’d be another 6hrs to London. I hope I can get more sleep this flight, he thought, glancing out over the Atlantic Ocean.

He looked down at the gossip rag he had purchased in Metropolis Airport, beginning to flip through it. It was mindless garbage, hopefully boring enough to lull him to sleep.

As he turned the pages, he was surprised to find a picture of Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor - but then again, it was only a matter of time. It’s just so fucking obvious, William thought, wondering if the tabloid suspicions would force Lena to choose.

But he was also unsettled - it was an odd location. To any casual reader, it would simply be a random picture on the street, the two perhaps on the way to get a cup of coffee. But he knew they were just feet away from the Tower. A location that, according to Alex Danvers, Kara had no awareness of.

He stared, and stared. Would Lena be so foolish to ask Kara to meet there?, he thought, knowing the Luthor was too smart to make such a casual mistake.

That’s when his already-jetlagged brain began to scan Kara again. The blonde hair. The emphatic voice. The way she fiddled with her glasses. The way Lena flirted with her, just like-

Wait, William thought, startling awake with a shot of adrenaline. Wait, WHAT?!

---

It was early morning when Lena took her seat at a lab bench, her mind still swimming from William’s observation the day before. Have I really been that obvious?, she wondered to herself. Does Kara know? And if she does, she hasn’t said anything because…

Lena put her face in hands. God, I hope I haven’t been making a fool of myself.

“Are you okay?” came a voice.

Lena’s head popped up, finding Kara wandering into her lab, a hint of concern highlighting the blonde’s face. “Your heartbeat is fast,” Kara said, “I just came over to - to see if something was wrong.”

“I’m fine,” Lena said, her voice a high-pitched squeak.

“Lena,” Kara said, taking a seat next to Lena, pulling her into a hug. “Lena, I’m here.”

Lena sighed, relaxing into Kara’s arms. What am I so afraid of?, she thought to herself. That Kara doesn’t feel the same way? That our friendship will change? While the first was the only likelihood Lena could really see, the second… just didn’t seem like a real possibility.

Lena pulled back from the hug, gazing into Kara’s face. Didn’t we learn we should be honest so long ago?, she thought. Even when it’s hard? “William… said choose,” Lena said slowly, feeling the heat rising in her cheeks, “Between Kara and Supergirl.”

“Choose?” Kara said, confused.

“I’ve, er,” Lena swallowed harshly. “I’ve apparently been flirting. With both of you.”

Kara’s eyes widened. “On purpose?”

“No…”

“Oh.”

She sounds… disappointed?, Lena thought, and she knew Kara could hear her heart beginning to pound a little faster. “I- I can do it on purpose? If you want.”

And this time Lena felt a growing joy in watching Kara flush. “I’d like that. And, um,” Kara paused, shifting shyly. “Maybe after we do that for a while, I can ask you on a date?”

Lena smiled. “I’m looking forward to it.”

------------------------

This idea has been floating around in my head for a while. I did do a 9-word fic for it - but then I figured hey, may as well write out the full thing.

#I am very bad at flirting to so do not judge me. (Or do 😂)#this was in my plotbunny doc as “William the helpful idiot”#I don't hate William as a character. But he just wasn't necessary. The screentime would've been better spent on supercorp or dansen #anyway Nic I sent him to London as you suggested 😌#mel writes ficlets #supercorp

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reysdriver · 1 year ago

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Hey, I was thinking about something with best friend!Eddie and fem!best friend!reader, but they secretly like each other.

Gareth invites the Hellfire club to spend a weekend at his beach house but Eddie and Reader decide to share the same room/bed.

(I would like things like them going to the beach or helping each other put on sunscreen... 🫣🫣)

Sorry if it's a very large or very specific request, you don't have to fulfill the request in parentheses if you don't want to

thank you!❤️

you and eddie share a bed on the first night of your beach house stay — bestfriend!eddie x fem!reader fluff

warnings: language, that's it i think

words: 1.6k

a/n: I might make this a 2-parter (or more low-key) cause I want to space it out and have the absolute max amount of pining and friends-to-lovers tension hehe

Gareth stared down at you, disapproving of you calling him ‘rich boy’, while unloading your bags from the back of Eddie’s van.

“I’m not rich, my parents just own a beach house.” He defended.

You raised an eyebrow. “You know that’s the richest fucking thing you’ve ever said, right?”

“They bought it back in the day when shit was just cheaper. You can go if you don’t want to be here, by the way.” Gareth said it with the sass of a true non-rich boy, and you decided to lay off the teasing.

You put your hands in the air in mock surrender. It’s been a long drive from Hawkins close to Cleveland, you weren’t turning back now. “Alright, fine, I’m done.”

You and the guys returned to grabbing your duffel bags and backpacks, then you closed the van’s back doors and went towards the front door of the brightly-painted building. Gareth put the lock into the key but faced you all before turning it.

“So, here it is, my family’s beach house. Ready for the tour and the house rules?” Gareth asked the three of you.

Everyone was ready for the tour, but you all seemed disappointed that there were rules you had to follow on your mini-vacation. Nevertheless, you all nodded—not necessarily agreeing to anything, just wanting to get inside and put your stuff down.

Gareth opened the door to reveal the inside of his modest beach house. Okay, maybe he wasn’t rich rich but you still thought about teasing him a few more times throughout your stay. The inside walls of the building were mostly made from light wood, with painted accents peeling in certain places. There were seashells and sand-filled bottles as decorations in the main hall—same as most beach houses, even though the whole point of them was that they were close to the beach all the time.

“First stop is the kitchen.” Gareth said, leading you all and stopping in front of the table. “If you want to use it, you have to promise not to burn the house down.”

Eddie shook his head. “Now, Garebear, you know I can’t make any promises like that.”

You and Jeff laughed at Eddie’s joke, but Gareth didn’t seem amused.

“I’m watching you, Ed. I’m serious, my parents will be pissed if anything happens to this place.” He looked back to you and Jeff as he continued. “Next, we have the living room. The tv works, plus we have some movies on those shelves, so we could maybe have a movie night or something tonight.”

Jeff went to look at the shelves that his friend just pointed at. “Yo, these movies are trash!” He laughed. “I’m not watching any of these.”

“Thank you so much for that valuable addition to the tour, Jeff. And they’re for my parents, obviously.”

“What about where we’re sleeping?” Eddie asked.

Gareth had told you all that the sleeping situation might be a bit problematic, and that he’d try to think of a best solution, but he hadn’t even told any of you what the issue was.

“So, we have the couch, it actually even pulls out…” Gareth paused, then started walking down a bright hallway to a pair of doors next to each other. He opened one of them. “Here’s my room; I’m sleeping here, of course.” Before you could even take a good look inside, he shut that door and opened the other. “And here’s the main bedroom. Two of you will have to share the big bed.”

All three of you looked at him with wide eyes at the idea. At the exact same time, you and Jeff tried calling dibs on the couch, then cringed at the fact that you both wanted it.

“Eddie, you don’t want the couch?” Gareth asked, noticing he seemed pretty calm about it all.

He shrugged. “Have you seen my room? I couldn’t give a shit about where I sleep.”

Even though you’ve seen his room and understood where he was coming from, Eddie seemed like he wasn’t being completely truthful. Unfortunately, you were too focused on having your own sleeping place to ask him what was wrong.

“Since you said it together, I may have to flip a coin.” Gareth said, already digging in his pockets to find one.

“No way, I don’t want to sleep next to Eddie.” Jeff protested. “No offence.”

“Offence taken, actually. I’ll have you know I am a lovely spooner, both big and little.”

Gareth laughed. “Yeah, like you’ve ever gotten to spoon with someone.” Before Eddie could even respond, he held out a quarter and stood between you and Jeff. “Alright, tails means Jeff gets the couch, heads means he gets to be Eddie’s first spooning partner.”

You nodded, watching the coin intensely as Gareth tossed it in the air. It was spinning too quickly for you to really see the sides, so you just crossed your fingers and looked at his face as he read it.

“Tails.” He looked at you. “Looks like you and Eddie can find a way to share the big room.”

You tried keeping your sigh quiet and hiding your upset, but you had to admit you were a bit disappointed about not having your own bed. You thought about it all throughout dinner and your movie night, and it stared you in the face when it was time to go to sleep.

Eddie dug through his duffel bag to find a pair of pyjama pants and a band t-shirt—of course. “If you want me to leave the room while you change, I can. I feel like that’s what girls want, right?”

You shook your head, fiddling with the fabric from your own set. “No, no, don’t worry about that. Just turn around for a second, maybe?”

He did just as you asked, turning around to face the corner of the room and getting changed himself while he waited for you to do the same. You quickly stripped yourself of the clothes you had spent all day in, and changed into the short black set you had packed with you.

“Okay, you can turn around now.” You told him after you were done.

He turned as you had said, but you both hesitated to get in bed, even though there was nothing left to do.

“You know, I can sleep on the floor or something if you don’t want to share the bed.” He offered unnecessarily.

“No way, I know you said you don’t care where you sleep, but that’s ridiculous, Eddie. I would never ask you to do that.” You slid underneath the bed sheets on your side. They were actually nice sheets; you would be sad to see Eddie sleep on the floor and miss that sweet thread count. “We’re basically grown-ups; we can share a bed without it being a big deal.”

He seemed less reluctant than before as he laid down next to you. “Well, I just wanted to err on the side of caution.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “You never want to be cautious, Eddie. That’s like, your whole thing.”

“Yeah, well, it’s different with you.”

You weren’t quite sure what he meant by that, but you chose to ignore it in case it was something negative. There was no way you’d want to share a bed with a friend after finding out he secretly hates you or something like that.

The two of you were lying down on opposite sides of the bed on your backs, but you leaned over to whisper to Eddie. “Goodnight, Eds.”

He wished you a good night in return, but it didn’t do much in the way of easing your nerves. For that, you just shut your eyes, clutched the blanket, and tried your hardest to fall asleep.

You weren’t sure about how long it took, but you did eventually sleep; and you woke up practically cuddling with your best friend. You were hugging him, your head was on his chest, and his arms were wrapped around your torso in return. You also weren’t sure how you got into that position, but you knew you had to get out of it. In an attempt to be soft and silent, you unwrapped your arms from Eddie and snuck out of his grasp.

You stood up and walked over to the nice kitchen to make yourself some morning tea—and get away from the friend you were just accidentally snuggling.

You didn’t even let the water in the pot fully boil since you didn’t want to wake anyone up, but it seemed your attempts to be quiet were unsuccessful, since you heard footsteps coming down the hall from the bedrooms.

Of course it was Eddie and this was the one time he woke up before the clock hit a double-digit hour. “Morning.” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“Good morning.” You held out a mug for him. “Do you want some tea?”

“Absolutely not. But I’ll make myself a coffee if there’s any here.”

Eddie started rooting through the lightwood cupboards to find what he wanted, but you knew where it was, so you just handed it to him.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” You told him. “So, um, how’d you sleep last night?”

“Really well, sweetheart. What about you?”

You nodded and held back a smile. “Same. I slept great.”x

#eddie munson #eddie x reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things fluff #stranger things fanfiction #friends to lovers #one bed trope #xena's requests

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colourstreakgryffin · 1 year ago

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Thank you for taking my request earlier <3

I again have a request if you don't mind ^^

Tsugikuni brothers (yes, I simp for them-) hcs (separately) with the s/o who is awkward with people at first but after getting comfy likes to talk alot and is an absolute chatterbox that barely shuts up? Like the reader also likes to make the people close to them laugh by purposely saying stupid things? But their friends sometimes exclude them or don't pay attention to them when they are trying to say smth?

TvT I mean that's literally who I am and that what's happens to me mostly so yea-

Let me know if you are not comfy with writing it or so ^^

Oooh! No, don’t worry. This very cute! I definitely will do this one too, and hey, I’m like this in real life tbh!

Michikatsu Tsugikuni and Yoriichi Tsugikuni

Yoriichi is a awkward and antisocial man himself so he isn’t that bothered nor pushy over your own shyness as he understands it fully. To him, you seem very nice and he won’t force you to talk to him, take your time

Michikatsu, on the other hand, is as quiet and antisocial as Yoriichi, but he is able to hold conversation so you’re own social issues is a bit annoying, not enough to make him despise you tho, just enough to make him scowl

Yoriichi and Michikatsu are equally quiet so when you start to open up more and begin to be much more talkative and shape into the chatterbox you are under that cute exterior. Both brothers are considerate and will never be rude towards you but act different

Yoriichi loves listening to you ramble on and on as long as you want, and he will always be your listener. He also really adores that you feel comfortable with him enough to talk your heart out

Michikatsu needs silence however but he just doesn’t have the gut to even ask you to tone it down. It’s half a annoyance and half a joy, he does likes hearing how excited you are and how you rely on him

The Tsugikuni Brothers are just raised polite and considerate so no matter what, you want to talk to them? They’ll let you talk and rant and even dump, the closer you are to them, makes them even more willingly to hear you out. It’s how they are by nature

Yoriichi is so flattered and flustered when you say stupid things and try your best to make him laugh. He may force out a laugh at times but that’s because he just adores you and your happiness is his to his core. Most of the time, your attempts make him genuinely laugh

Michikatsu is not much of a jokester, he is very serious but with the way you always say such stupid things and suspect him to laugh with waiting eyes, he always laughs. No matter what, to him, you’re adorable and he wants to make you happy

Both Tsugikuni Brothers are extremely protective over you and your health, so when you tell them about your friends excluding you, out of the blue, from conversations or ignoring you, they are equally outraged

Yoriichi calmly and politely discusses a plan with you, to talk to your so-called friends about their treatment over you since he just can’t stand you being upset or hurt. They don’t realise what they do to you so he must make them realise himself

Michikatsu won’t let that shit slide, god no, he is immediately going to your so-called friends and talking them down for mistreating you. You’re a pure being and he will protect your purity forever. He doesn’t tell you about what he does but it’s all for you

“Dokusha… are you okay? You look a bit upset? Would you like to sit down and have lunch with me, so you can also tell me about everything of today. I’d love to hear it and I’ll try cheer you up”

“Dokusha. I can sense you’re uneven and irritated over something? Aren’t I always the one you tell your issues to? Spill to me about every detail right now, don’t hesitate”

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slvt4em1lyprenti2s · 10 months ago

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Hi hi ! I was wondering if you would do Amelia Shepherd x fem reader fic where R is the third twisted sister to Cristina and Mer, Amelia and reader have been in a relationship in secret for a while because they afraid of Mer’s reaction. They finally tell her and she gets protective of R but at the end she is very supportive and protects them against a patient’s hate comment? Xoxo

You’re dating my sister?

Summary: see req above!

Pairings: Amelia Shepherd x fem!reader

fluff, slight angst, homophobia, use of a homophobic slur

Word Count: 1.04k

NOT PROOFREAD

SET WHEN MEREDITH DIDNT LIKE AMELIA MUCH IN THE BEGINNING

Reader pov:

One year. One whole year me and Amelia have been dating for. It’s crazy how fast time feels when you’re in love, I do t know what I’d do without her. The only issue is my best friends, Cristina and Metrdith. Not that I’m afraid of their answer, well. I’m not staid if Cristina’s answer.

Meredith’s husband happens to be my girlfriend brother. It’s a minor detail, and you know, Meredith isn’t the biggest fan of said sister. Me and ames have talked it over and we’re going to tell people soon, but leave Mer till last, what could go wrong right?

Cristina went wrong.

“Hey! Cristina!” I whisper yelled across the nurses station.

“If you have another twisted-sisters-almost-died-or-had-a-traumatic-event drama to tell me save it for after my surgery. Please.” She sighed out.

“No it’s not that I have to tell you something. But you can not, and I mean can not, tell mer.“ I insist

“Dann what did you do screw her sister or something?”

I stay silent at this and her eyes go wide. “Oh. My. God. No you did not.”

I nod my head profusely and respond “We’ve been dating for a year Cristina. Me and Amelia, what am I supposed to tell her?!” I start to panic just thinking about all the different ways this could go wrong.

“Ohh I have no idea! Good luck, you’re gunna need it, oh and tell me when you’re telling her so I can watch.” I rolled my eyes as she walked away from me towards the OR to scrub in.

I walk to my patients room pondering ways to tell mer about me and Amelia, it was going to be a long day.

Amelia pov:

“Derek! Come here!” I call out to him across the neuro floor.

“What do you need I’ve got a surgery with Yang in like, 2 minutes?” He says looking bored before I even start talking.

“Hey you could at least act interest in what I’m about to say, oh and don’t tell mer yet. Please.” His interest was piqued at this so he gave me a look as if to say ‘keep going you’ve got me hooked’ so I continued “Me and y/n have been dating for a year, and we are o my just telling people ad were scared how mer will react because she’s not exactly my biggest fan as of right now and her and y/n/n, and Cristina obviously, are like twisted sisters or whatever.” I took a breather after sayibg all that and my brother just looked like he wanted to laugh in my face.

“Well, good luck!” He smiled and walked off to the OR.

Well shit.

Reader pov:

I walk into my patients room still deep in thought when he speaks up, he’s fairly old, around 70-ish and was in for a broken hip. “You seemed pretty serious with whatever you were talking about back there and now I don’t even get a hello? Something’s gotta be on your mind Doctor.” He gave me a knowing smirk as I open my mouth yet no words come out and let out and exasperated sigh.

“Ah you know, trouble in paradise, well, paradise’s surroundings at least.” I say trying to be as brief as possible.

“Happens to the best of us kid.” He seemed like a genuinely nice guy and to be honest I needed a break so instead of getting a nurse to check his vitals I decided I was going to do them, although it seemed someone else had the same idea.

“Hey y/n/n what are you doing here?” I hear a voice I know all too well say from behind me.

“Hi Ames, just doing Mr Davison’s vitals, are you okay?” I say giving her a smile.

“Funny I was just coming to do the same thing.” she walked beside me and trailed her hand lightly over my lower back which didn’t go unnoticed by Mr Davison.

“Your ‘paradise’ is a she? Ugh just another dyke, exactly what we need!” I stare at him shocked, as does Amelia. His sudden outburst seemed to pull some attention from outside and the one person that I didn’t want to walked in, walked in.

“Is everything okay in here?” Meredith asked.

“No get these people away from me! Horrible people you lgqbt whatever people!” He flailed his arms about like a toddler as he was ranting and raving. Immediately Meredith jumped to our defence.

“Excuse you? Who do you think you’re talking to? I have you know you’ve just made and enemy out of the best neuro, general and ortho (sorry callie) in the state. It’s 2024 in the USA for gods sake, get a grip man!” With this she ushered us out of the room and then into an in call room so she could talk to us.

•

“YOURE WHAT?!” mer practically yelled

“Keep your voice down, yes we’re dating.” Amelia said to mer try help her keep her head on.

“Look Amelia, I love y/n with my whole heart she’s my sister okay? So, if you hurt her, break her heart or do anything to even slightly harm her, I will hurt you twice as much. She’s the best thing that’ll ever happened to you, so don’t screw it up okay?” My heart warmed after hearing just how much mer cared about me and that she would protect me but also slightly concerned she just threatened my girlfriend.

“Yes ma’am.” Amelia murmured clearly slightly intimidated by mer.

“Okay, now that that’s out the way, I’m so happy for you guys!” Me and Ames say thanks and mer’s oager goes off so she has to run so me and amy are left alone in the in-call room.

“I love you Amelia.” I say as I peck her lips and wrap my arms around her neck.

“I love you too y/n/n.” At this she pulled me into a passionate kiss and lowered us both down onto a bed.

When in an unoccupied on-call room…

#wlw #lesbian pride #wlw fanfic #lesbian #sapphic #wlw pride #greys anatomy fanfiction #greys anatomy #amelia shepard x reader #amelia shepherd x reader #amelia shepard #amelia shepherd #meredith grey #cristina yang #derek shepard #derek shepherd

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frvnkcastles · 5 months ago

Note

Could I please request one where reader is dating Frank but kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop, wondering when or if Frank’s going to break up with her constantly since her last boyfriend (and several ex “best” friends) left/ghosted/broke up with her unexpectedly for no reason so she doesn’t know why and worries about her body/everything she wears and everything she says and does and is trying not to do anything wrong so Frank doesn’t do the same to her but Frank of course catches on, finds out the problem and makes her see different and that’s she beautiful and worth staying and being cared for even though it’s hard to believe because no one has ever chosen her and wanted to stay before…

Thank you, I love your work ❤️😊

I CAN SEE A LOVE RESTRAINED ➵ F. CASTLE

Summary: You’ve been hurt one too many times, and letting Frank in isn’t as easy as you’d like it to be.

Warnings: Abandonment/trust issues, body image issues, angst, hurt/comfort, reader is friends with Matt, feminine nicknames, language

Word count: 3.2k

Author’s note: Thank you so much for the support, anon! I definitely understand this feeling that you described and it really sucks. That said, I’m positive people will appreciate you and see how wonderful you are, don’t give up <3

It was fair to say that your past relationships, romantic as well as platonic, had left their mark on you. You were a naturally affectionate and loving kind of woman but being left on multiple occasions had hardened you, made you more reluctant to share the love that you had within you. It was a natural reaction — you just didn’t want to get hurt again, and so, you settled for keeping people at a distance, never really allowing yourself to lower your defenses enough to let anyone in.

That proved to be extremely hard when you met Frank. He was handsome and intriguing, not a very talkative guy but he had effortlessly made you smile and laugh, regardless. He had been reserved about you, too, mostly because he wasn’t looking for anything casual nor serious, and he certainly didn’t trust Red to find him the kind of company he liked. But when his friend of sorts had insisted on introducing you to him, annoyingly persistent, he had caved in and figured it couldn’t hurt to give a chance to the person Red spoke so highly of.

”How come you ain’t together if she’s so perfect?” Frank had questioned, fully suspicious of Matt and his intentions, but the man had quickly laughed him off.

”I don’t think we’re meant to be anything more than friends. But she’s a wonderful person and I think you’d hit it off. I’m not just doing this for you, I think she could use some company, too”, Matt had explained, not entirely acting with your blessing. In fact, you had no idea what he was up to, but he knew you well enough — you were getting lonely whether you wanted to admit or not, and despite their disagreements, he knew Frank could be worthy of your time.

And that was how you ended up shaking Frank’s hand in your favorite bar where you never went to find company, just a drink after a long week. Matt had known you’d be there and more or less shoved Frank inside, and as annoyed as he was, Frank couldn’t deny that the sight of you immediately made his heart skip a beat.

”Did Matt put you up to this?” you asked eventually, well-aware that the two of them worked together often. It wasn’t frequent for Matt to set you up with anyone, but he was the only thing common between you and Frank, and you weren’t stupid.

Caught, Frank chuckled. ”Yeah, yeah, he did. I ain’t gonna lie, I had my reservations but uh, talkin’ to you… I don’t regret comin’ in here. You seem real sweet”, he admitted, his eyes lingering on your figure. Not only did he find you sweet, he thought you were absolutely gorgeous, and he fucking hated the fact that he was going to have to tell Matt he had been right.

You blushed at Frank’s words and shrugged. ”Thanks, but I—I’m not really looking for anything right now. You seem great too, don’t get me wrong”, you gave him a half-apology, chewing on your lip nervously. He was charming, you had to give him that much, but you really weren’t up for having your heart broken yet again, and so, you found it best to keep Frank at an arm’s length.

”Hey, I get it. Can’t say I was expectin’ anything much when I walked through that door but I guess you kinda got me rethinkin’, ’s all”, he nodded in understanding before licking his lips and taking the plunge. ”Maybe we could get another drink sometime? No pressure, no expectations. Just hangin’ out, I guess”, Frank went on, a hopeful look in his eyes, and it wore you down.

”Sure”, you swallowed, feeling familiar anxiety rush in your veins as you agreed.

But like he said, there were no expectations. It could just be two friends grabbing a beer, nothing more. So, you gave him your phone number and hoped for the best.

You met up a couple of times after that. Frank couldn’t believe he was being so forward and that he really was so into you, but it was a fact he couldn’t deny. He had a strong will and good self-control, but he found himself losing all of that around you. Previously used to solitude and being wary of new connections, he now felt hooked on you, needing more and more even if he was willing to do it on your terms.

He could tell you liked him back, though. As much as you tried not to, you couldn’t help it. You started to feel less lonely and he occupied your thoughts on a daily basis, and it scared the shit out of you. You weren’t ready to fall in love again, but it seemed your heart wasn’t waiting for permission.

A few weeks passed with you getting to know one another, and one night, he was walking you home in the dark night, far too protective to let you make it all by yourself. Once at the door of your apartment building, you both lingered, not quite ready to say goodbye, but unsure what else there was left to say.

”I had a good time, sweetheart. I’m glad you ain’t sick of my clingy ass yet”, he joked, and it made you smile nervously. You were mere inches away from each other, his taller build towering over you with his fingertips brushing against yours. Your heart was hammering in your chest and you could feel the undeniable tension in the air, and so could he.

”Of course, not. I like spending time with you”, you whispered, quiet but close enough for Frank to hear. His heart soared at your words, flattered and honored that for someone who chose her company carefully, you had given him the time of the day.

His eyes fell to your lips, and when you didn’t pull away, he made the move and leaned in. Right before his lips could graze yours, though, you ducked your head with a swell of panic in your chest. It was all too real suddenly and the idea of moving from a mutual interest to something concrete terrified you.

”Shit”, Frank breathed out, squeezing his eyes shut. ”Sorry, I shoulda asked. Just thought… Doesn’t matter. Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable”, he added while stepping back, and in an instant, guilt and regret took over your body. Seeing the rejection on his face hurt worse than the risk of letting him in, and that was enough for you to know that kiss or no kiss, you were in too deep.

”No, I’m sorry. It’s me, I—I just can’t. Sorry”, you repeated before turning your heel and rushing inside, too embarrassed to stay and look at Frank’s hurt face any longer.

He frowned at your words, but let you go. He had pushed your limits enough for one night, but even if he didn’t stop you from running indoors, he couldn’t help but get stuck on what you had said. It wasn’t that you didn’t like him back, something else was holding you back, and that caused worry to flare up in him. Clearly, someone had hurt you badly, and he felt pure anger at the simple thought of it.

That same night, he tracked Red down, itching to pick a fight, but mostly he wanted to find out what was stopping you from going all in. He could sympathize — after all, he had closed himself off to relationships after Maria, and even now, when he had grown so attached to you, he struggled with that little nagging guilt in the back of his head that didn’t want him to move on.

”She ain’t ready, Red. Wanna tell me what happened or should I punch it out of ya?” Frank grumbled as he joined Matt on the rooftop, an unhappy look on his face that only deepened when he saw the mysterious smile on his friend’s face.

”You weren’t ready, either”, Matt retorted before sighing deeply. ”She’s been hurt a lot, Frank. Every guy she’s been with has broken her heart. It’s the same with best friends, too. Everyone leaves her. So, yeah, she’s careful about who she lets in”, he continued, causing the anger to fade from Frank’s face. At least Red had stayed, but he knew he wasn’t the most stable presence, either. He didn’t think he himself would be, for that matter, but he wanted so badly to prove to you that he’d stick around.

”She don’t deserve that”, Frank grunted, unable to understand why anyone would turn their back on you. Sure, you were stunning in a way that took his breath away, but you were also a good, caring person. You had such a big heart and you were an excellent listener, not to mention how funny you could be. And even though you knew who Frank was and what he had done, you had never judged him.

”I agree. That’s why I wanted you to meet with her. Platonic or romantic, I knew you could appreciate her for who she is”, Matt explained, and sighing, Frank couldn’t deny that he had been right. He thought you were amazing, and he really wanted you to know that.

So, the next day, he made his way to your apartment. He was uncharacteristically nervous, his usual cool demeanor cracking under the pressure of the situation, but he was good at concealing it. He stood on your doorstep, calm and collected, and once he had knocked and you opened the door, you couldn’t have suspected he was feeling troubled in any way.

”Frank”, you exhaled, honestly surprised. You were sure that your refusal to kiss him would have pushed him away, but here he was, and you reluctantly felt relieved. You had given him enough reason to walk away, but he kept showing up, and it gave you hope.

”Red told me about your shitty exes. I want ya to know that they’re assholes for leavin’ you like that and that… that I wouldn’t do that. I know I come with a lot of baggage, but I swear to you, I’d treat you right, sweetheart. Shit, you really… you really got me, y’know? I really care about you and I wish I could make you less scared ’cause I know you care about me, too”, he rambled, calling you out in a way that maybe you needed to be.

Gulping, you nodded to confirm he was right. ”I do care about you. I wish I didn’t, but I do”, you confessed, sending his heart reeling. ”I just don’t want to be let down again. I really can’t do it again”, you pointed out, not sure if Frank would get it, but he did.

”I hear you, sweetheart. It ain’t the same thing, but I know loss, and I don’t wanna go through it again. Maybe we could learn to trust again together. I know it’s fuckin’ scary to let your guard down, I sure as hell have a hard time with it, but you make me wanna try”, he shared, his voice so soft and careful. He wasn’t used to opening up about his feelings, but he knew you needed honesty, and he wanted to give it to you.

”Okay. I… I think I can do that. I want to trust you”, you told him, sparking a smile on his face.

Hesitating, he stepped closer to you and took his hand in your own. ”Can I kiss you?” he asked in that low, husky tone of his, full of want, and it sent a shiver down your body. You nodded, and he broke into a grin, cradling your face in one massive hand and dropping his mouth to yours. It was slow and careful, just testing the waters, but you could tell he was holding back, and it made your stomach do flips. He really wanted you, needed you even, and that felt so good.

He was willing to take things slow. However you wanted him, he was yours. And sure enough, you fell into a comfortable rhythm with him, both of you head over heels for one another, and Matt was pleased whenever you two showed up to a night out together, Frank’s hand protectively around your waist. The three of you began to spend more time together, allowing Frank to see the more carefree, relaxed side of you that Matt brought out, but you also dedicated plenty of moments to just you and Frank. Right before your eyes, you built a relationship, and you were so happy with him.

Nevertheless, there was something of a dark cloud above your head, invisible to Frank but so heavy on you. Your mind fed you constant worries and anxiety — since everyone else had left, surely Frank would do the same. And without even fully realizing it, you began taking great measures to avoid such a fate.

”Which one do you like better?” you asked Frank, holding up two dresses that were casual enough for your movie date, but too important for you to make the decision on your own. You had become highly worried about everything you wore, always wondering if Frank liked what you had on or if he was ashamed to be seen with you. Maybe your body wasn’t good enough, to begin with.

”Why’re you askin’ me, sweetheart? You’ll look stunnin’ either way”, he chuckled, not really seeing the point, but his answer didn’t satisfy you.

”Pick one. Please?” you pleaded, desperately wanting his input, and it twisted his face with surprise.

”Uh, alright. The one on the right”, Frank chose, and instantly, your stomach dropped — you had thought the one on the left was better. But it mattered to you what he thought, as you certainly didn’t want to give him any reason to leave you, and so, you put on the dress he had pointed out.

You picked at it the whole drive to the movie theater, uncomfortable with how your body looked in it and convinced that Frank was seeing it, too. You felt insecure and you wanted to cancel the entire date, but you didn’t want to upset him, so you swallowed it down.

”Somethin’ wrong with the dress, baby?” Frank noticed your compulsive touching at the clothing, and feeling exposed by his question, you gave him a weak smile.

”No, no, nothing. It’s alright”, you insisted, before swiftly changing the subject. Still, Frank didn’t forget about it. If anything, he was starting to notice a pattern of you seeming so uncomfortable in your own skin, leaving him stuck between wanting to reassure you and fearing he’d only be creating a problem by bringing it up.

He picked up on the anxiety that followed you pretty easily. But it wasn’t until you began putting yourself down out loud that he cut in.

”Hey, bring me that black shirt f’me?” Frank called out from the bathroom where he was brushing his teeth, preparing for the day ahead of him. You reacted to his request as quickly as you could, digging through his designated half of the closet to find that one button-up you loved to see on him and hastily carrying it to the bathroom for him.

You handed the shirt over, and you instantly clocked the look on his face. ”Oh, shit, I shoulda specified. The other one, sweetheart. This one got all torn up from that one asshole’s knife the other night”, he corrected you gently and with care, but it hit you straight in the heart, making you feel like you couldn’t do anything right.

”Sorry. Sorry, I—I’m stupid. I don’t know what I was thinking”, you stammered, turning around to go back to the closet, but Frank stopped you with a grip on your wrist.

”Hey, you ain’t stupid. It was a mistake. Where’s this comin’ from, huh?” he glanced you over with concern, hating the sound of you criticizing yourself like that. He saw no need for it, and the way you jumped to it was something he wasn’t going to look past.

You shrugged, trying to move on from it, but Frank wasn’t that easily convinced. ”Look at me, sweetheart”, he demanded softly, and shyly, you brought your gaze up to his. ”I don’t like you speakin’ that way ’bout yourself. You didn’t do anythin’ wrong, yeah? It ain’t a big deal”, he promised, and his attempts to reassure you got your eyes to sting with incoming tears.

”I just don’t wanna do something to make you leave me”, you whispered, wiping your eyes to avoid him seeing you cry. ”Sorry”, you added, and shaking his head, Frank pulled you in, his head tilted down at you. He was so close, you could sense his warmth and his stare, and you felt so vulnerable in the small space.

”There’s nothin’ to apologize for, sweet darlin’. Hey, listen to me. There ain’t a thing you could do to make me leave. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, ’m here to stay. I wanna be with you. The real you, includin’ every little thing you think I couldn’t love. I do”, Frank started, staring you down and trying to make you see he was completely serious. He would have never done anything to hurt you on purpose, and he wished he would have had the words to convince you.

”You really mean that?” you asked weakly, trembling from anxiety. You really wanted to believe him, but it was hard to unlearn everything you had grown so accustomed to.

”I mean it, baby”, he swore, leaning in to kiss your forehead. ”Is this why you keep bein’ so careful with what you say around me? And why you ask me what you should be wearin’?” he wondered, and embarrassed to admit it, you nodded.

”I just want you to still think I’m worth it”, you sighed, breaking Frank’s heart.

”Clearly I ain’t been very good at this boyfriend thing, ’cause I never want you to doubt how I feel ’bout you. You’re fuckin’ gorgeous, and I adore everythin’ you do and are. Can’t think of anyone sweeter and kinder than you. You’re the best thing to happen to me in a long while and I… I love you”, he told you, sincere and full of feeling. His words made your eyes widen, and for a moment, you were at a loss for words, but eventually, the right thing tumbled out of your mouth.

”I love you, Frank”, you smiled, unable to hold back the joy you felt upon hearing that. ”I’m always the one to love more. To get more attached. But you… you really care about me, don’t you?” you spoke in amazement, starting to see that he was serious about you.

”You’re goddamn right I do. And you’ll always be worth it to me, pretty girl. Nothin’s gonna change that”, he emphasized, his dark eyes filled to the brim with something fiery. For the first time since you had met him, you trusted in him one hundred percent and didn’t let the inevitable anxiety and doubt shift your faith.

As he leaned down to kiss you, passionate and needy, you felt like you had found your happy ending. And for once, you had hope, and thought that with Frank, you actually had a chance of healing.

#frank castle #frank castle fanfiction #frank castle x reader #the punisher #the punisher x reader

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bobalegsanji · 25 days ago

Text

Are you there?

‘’This didn’t happen.’’

‘’It did, and we’re going to talk about it,’’ Zoro says, not caring about what Sanji has to say. ‘’You’re not doing well, and we’re going to fix it.’’

Sanji sighs. He’s still leaning on Zoro, he desperately needs Zoro’s steadiness as his feet occasionally trip over one another. ‘’I’m doing just fine,’’ he responds, barely audible.

Modern Zosan AU. Fluff/Angst. Words: 11,824.

Trigger Warnings: disordered eating, anxiety/panic attacks, depression, self-worth issues.

One Piece Masterlist

‘’Cook?!’’

‘’Hmm,’’ Sanji responds softly, not fully awake yet.

‘’Cook?!!’’ Zoro’s words are accompanied by a loud slam.

Sanji peeks one eye open, annoyed at being woken up. The mossball knows he’s not supposed to slam the door of the living room. There’s a table right behind, and if slammed too hard, Usopp’s botanical books always fall over and - he feels his pulse rise with annoyance once more.

Once he realises there’s nothing important coming from Zoro’s mouth (when is there ever?), he closes his eyes again and makes himself comfortable on the pillows on the couch.

‘’Cook, are you deaf?’’

‘’Hmmmmmm,’’ Sanji whines. ‘’Whaddyawant,’’ the pile of pillows and blankets murmurs.

‘’Is dinner ready yet?’’ Zoro asks, his question assisted with a poke that lands somewhere between Sanji’s ribs.

‘’Ugh, fuck you,’’ Sanji reacts, immediately sitting up. ‘’Why would you ever do that?’’

Zoro shrugs his shoulders. ‘’Be awake when I talk to you.’’

‘’What do you-’’ Sanji starts, unsure of how to put all of his feelings of anger into one sentence while his head’s still fuzzy with sleep. ‘’What the fuck do you-No?? I was sleeping?’’

‘’And I’m hungry,’’ Zoro responds.

Sanji stares at him for a couple of seconds. He’s been living with his best friends for over a year, yet they still find new ways to piss him off daily.

‘’I’m going to say this once, very slowly, so your dumb head can follow me, alright?’’ He says calmly. ‘’Fuck off.’’

Zoro just rolls his eyes. His hand stretches to get ready for another poke, but Sanji slaps it with a pillow before he can reach him. ‘’I’m serious, order something. Or not, don’t eat, I don’t care.’’

He ignores the confused look in Zoro’s eyes, instead picks up the comfiest blanket he’d been sleeping under to take to his room.

Before he can get out of the living room, Zoro finds his words. ‘’But… It’s Tuesday? You never let us order food on weekdays?’’

Without missing a step, Sanji responds. ‘’I’m tired, figure it out yourself today.’’

Zoro is left to stare at the empty living room, the couch still messy from Sanji’s nap. A bedroom door slams closed somewhere upstairs.

Sanji never leaves the shared places messy. Or takes naps during the day.

‘’Food!’’ Luffy screams loudly throughout the house.

Sanji could curse him right now, even though he knows Luffy’s just excited at getting to eat junk food on a weekday. Usually, he cooks every day. The last time he hasn’t must’ve been during finals, which was months ago.

He sighs deeply, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and mentally preparing himself for the dinner he’s about to have. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to them - it’s just that he’s been feeling a migraine coming up since morning, he hasn’t had an appetite all day, and no matter how much he sleeps it doesn’t seem to recharge his empty social battery. It’s exhausting, even more so to try and not bite Zoro’s head off right now. Usually, he can keep his annoyances in check, but today? Not a chance.

‘’Sanji, Usopp, dinner!’’ Nami’s voice echoes through the house. He can ignore Luffy for a few minutes, but never his beautiful Nami.

‘’Coming, my sweet,’’ he calls after her, unsure if it’s loud enough for her to hear. Based on the loud chattering and clinking of silverware in the kitchen, they don’t care, anyway.

Before he leaves his bedroom, he takes a quick look in the mirror. Embarrassedly, he immediately takes off his shirt. How long have I been wearing this? Since Sunday morning?

It’s not something anyone else would bat an eye at, or even notice, but it’s not something he usually does. Shirts are for during the day, pajamas for during the night, and they are worn a maximum of two days- Sanji sighs, putting on a new shirt and promising himself to take it off before sleeping.

It hasn’t been this bad ever since they got to live together. He can’t spiral now, he can’t let them see .

A knock on the door brings him out of his thoughts.

‘’Are you downstairs?’’ Usopp’s voice travels through the door.

‘’Yea, no- no,’’ Sanji falls over his words. He opens the door, suddenly happy to have some distraction. ‘’I needed to get changed.’’

Usopp looks him up and down for a moment. ‘’Okay… I just wanted to check if you were here.’’

‘’Ahh…’’ Sanji feels a blush spread on his cheeks. ‘’Yea, I just… Never mind.’’

Usopp takes a moment to study his face, but quickly seems to find what he’s looking for. ‘’Let’s go, I think they ordered pizza. Don’t want Luffy to finish everything before we even got a slice.’’

Sanji nods as he follows Usopp downstairs.

He’s going to be fine. He’s going to eat, get a good night’s sleep, and turn this whatever-is-going-on around. He’ll be fine.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

The outside air leaves a noticeable blush on Sanji’s cheeks. In the mirror, he sees nothing but pale skin and a red nose. He feels numb, both from the cold and his recent lack of enthusiasm to do anything.

The day wasn’t bad- a morning lecture at 11 always gives him enough time to cook a proper breakfast (at least, that’s what he’d usually do. Today, Sanji woke up way too late, having to rush to be on time without any food). On the third Thursday of the month, the local market is always bigger than usual. Usually, he’d spend at least an hour strolling through the market covering multiple streets. It’s relaxing to taste new and common foods, to buy local ingredients for the house, and to plan meals for their household: today, he merely rushed past it. Not even the seafood stall was worth a glance at.

Quietly, he takes off his shoes and jacket, putting all the items in their respective places. Even though the time for lunch has been long past, and he hasn’t eaten anything all day, the idea of preparing or eating food makes his stomach churn.

He takes one last look in the mirror. It’s not like he needs to eat, anyway. He knows the occasional joking remarks of Luffy and Usopp are exactly that, jokes, but maybe they’re onto something. He could lose a little weight.

He pinches his cheeks, noticing the way they’re definitely chubbier than they used to be. It’s not the end of the world to skip lunch. Someone will take care of dinner, and he’ll eat that, but right now he’d rather go to his bedroom to recharge his social battery. It’ll be fine. As long as no one notices, it’ll be fine.

‘’Sanji-kun, are you home?’’ Nami’s sweet voice strolls in from the living room.

‘’My sweet,’’ he immediately swoons, trying hard to imitate the happy tone of speech reserved for his favourite ladies.

Nami’s sitting on the couch, cross-legged with a book perched up on her legs. Her eyes light up when she sees him standing in the doorway. ‘’Do you have plans tonight?’’

‘’Well-’’ Sanji starts, but gets interrupted immediately.

‘’I need a ride to the cinema tonight, could you…?’’ She bats her eyes, knowing exactly what she’s doing to his heart.

Or, usually does to his heart. Today, Sanji notices, but he doesn’t feel anything. Nothing seemed to penetrate the armour of melancholy that had wrapped its way around his heart.

He forces a smile. Even though he’s not feeling his best, he could never let Nami down. ‘’Of course, what time would you like to leave?’’

‘’You’re the best!’’ She smiles, jumping up to give him a hug. Her book falls to the ground. Sanji keeps his eyes trained on it until Nami pulls her arms back, and he feels the cold air of the room engulf him once more. He hadn’t realised how warm she was. ‘’I want to leave at 6, but you should come with me! Perona is going to be there, too. She’s been asking about you,’’ she winks.

Sanji feels a slight blush creep up his cheeks. ‘’Oh, I can’t tonight, my love. Maybe next time?’’

Nami’s face immediately falls into a frown. She opens her mouth to say something, but gets interrupted by a voice from the kitchen before she can make a sound.

‘’What you gonna do?’’ Zoro’s leaning against the wall, half-eaten apple in hand. He takes a bite, staring down at Sanji as if to dare him to answer.

Sanji feels his heartbeat quicken. ‘’What’s it to you?’’

‘’Just wondering.’’ Zoro shrugs his shoulders, eyes never leaving Sanji’s.

Sanji clicks his tongue. ‘’Not that it’s any of your business, M arimo ,’’ he bites. ‘’I’ve had class all day, and need to cook for your sorry ass because you can’t even turn on a toaster. Plus, I have a presentation in a couple of days, so I need to work on that.’’ The moment the words leave his mouth, he knows he’s made a mistake. He really wants to lie in bed, smoke half a pack of cigarettes, and watch Youtube videos until he falls asleep- but now? Dinner falls on him. Again.

‘’Ehh.’’ Just the sight of Zoro’s smirk is enough to get Sanji’s blood boiling, but of course the idiot has to talk too. ‘’Playing kitchen princess tonight? What are you gonna make for me?’’

‘’For you, absolutely nothing,’’ Sanji bites. ‘’You act like I’m not the sole reason you’ve had food on the table for the past year.’’

‘’Actually.’’ Zoro takes a pause to bite into his apple. ‘’You’ve been living here for 14 months. And who earns more money? Is it you or me, princess ?’’

‘’The only reason you earn so much is that you’re too dumb to study and actually have enough time on your hands to work.’’ Sanji can’t help but roll his eyes. Zoro really knows how to get under his skin. ‘’Anyway, I have to take care of Nami tonight, so I need to get started on cooking. You can let me do my job, or I’ll make you a chocolate cake for dinner. And believe me, it’ll be extra, extra sweet, just for you.’’

Zoro looks him up and down, but doesn’t go against him. ‘’Fine,’’ he mutters, throwing the remains of the apple core towards Sanji. ‘’Throw this away for me, will you?’’

Automatically, Sanji catches it, before realising what he has just caught. ‘’You disgusting, mannerless brute!’’ He screams, ‘’are you genuinely deranged? What if it had hit our dear Nami-san?’’

It doesn’t matter. Zoro has turned around already and left to do whatever it is he does all day. When Sanji turns around, he finds Nami sitting on the couch with her book again.

He sighs.

He’s more to them than a chore boy. They love him, he knows that. Nami doesn’t love him simply because he’d do anything for her, and the others don’t simply love him because he cooks for them without complaint.

He knows it’s not true, but sometimes, he can’t quieten his thoughts.

After fully accepting that Nami isn’t going to pay him any further attention, he throws the apple core away and checks the kitchen cabinets for ingredients.

To the best of his abilities, Sanji quickly throws together a simple fried rice for the house. He forces himself to take a small bowl with him upstairs, finally ready to take a well-deserved rest. The fried rice is perfect, crispy and tasty and filling, yet it tastes like sand in his mouth.

He doesn’t want to eat. Maybe, if he didn’t, he’d feel better. That’s quite possible, right? What if all the feelings of the past week have simply come from a poor diet, or from consuming too much food?

(He’s not even fooling himself, but the small bowl of rice is enough to trick himself into believing he’s fine. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have grabbed himself dinner, right?)

The people in the house can heat up their own dinner whenever they want. According to his calculations, Sanji has another hour before he even needs to get dressed to drive Nami to her destination, and he’s planning on making the absolute best of it.

In the end, he scrolls through any social media he can get his hands on for the whole hour. He’d love to sleep, but with having to drop Nami off so quickly, he can’t. The exhaustion of the day is starting to fully get to him. It feels like there’s a foggy cloud in his brain, dampening all his thoughts and making it hard to focus on anything. Social media isn’t helping. Seeing his friends, acquaintances and strangers being nothing but perfect makes it absolutely impossible not to compare himself to them.

He knows it makes no sense. Of course, they’re not going to post the downsides of their lives, but he really, really can’t help it. Zoro’s pictures in the gym make his heart clench - he’s beautiful, his body is so perfect, meanwhile Sanji’s just… Sanji. He’s not special, or handsome, or even skinny enough. He doesn’t even have half of the muscles the Marimo has on him.

Luffy is out every day with new friends, while Sanji has been feeling stuck in his room. He loves his friends, he really does, but he’s not entirely sure that they love him. But to be loved the way Luffy is being loved seems like a dream. He makes friends everywhere he goes, and never seems to second-guess anything, while Sanji seems to second-guess everything. It’s become hard to even go to the grocery store. Every outfit he puts on, every smile, every conversation he has, it feels forced and fake.

Tears prick in Sanji’s for no apparent reason. He’s so tired, but he promised Nami his services, and he’d never let her down.

The drive to the cinema is short. Sanji’s not entirely sure if it’s safe for him to drive in this state, not with the way his mind is fogged and his heart is beating in his chest, but Nami doesn’t seem to notice. She rambles on about things Sanji couldn’t care less about. He chain-smokes out of the window, occasionally humming to at least seem interested in whatever Nami has to say.

At their destination, Nami bats her eyes once more and pushes her top subtly lower while asking if Sanji could please pick her up again after the film ?

It takes a couple of seconds for the question to penetrate the fog in his mind. Sanji doesn’t want to. He’s never wanted to do anything less than this. The pit of anxiety in his stomach enlarges, until he feels like his lungs are caving in. He knows it goes against all his principles, but he really can’t be there for her tonight.

‘’I’m sorry, Nami-san,’’ Sanji says, not meeting her eyes. Mindlessly, he’s already turning the steering wheel without truly caring about her response. ‘’I can’t. Maybe Franky can pick you up, or something.’’

Nami stays quiet for a moment, before taking a step back and throwing the door closed. She smiles and waves him off, but Sanji can’t help but feel like he let her down. Like he’s a bad friend. Like she deserves better than him. Like they deserve better than him.

He misses the way Nami immediately takes her phone out to call someone. Instead, tears fall from his eyes, and he’s barely able to see the road in front of him until he returns home.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

He’s just going to check up on him. It’s not that he’s worried, per se, it’s more that Nami’s worried.

Not that Zoro really cares what she thinks. How weird could Sanji truly actually be acting? Of course, he noticed small things, but that’s understandable- he’s an idiot who takes everything to heart. Someone looking at him the wrong way could probably give him a mental breakdown. But Zoro’s sure that if something was actually wrong, like fundamentally, problematically wrong, Sanji would come to one of his friends.

They’ve known him for years . And sure, they don’t always see eye to eye, but Sanji must trust them enough at this point to come to them. After such a long friendship, he has to.

Still, knocking on his bedroom door makes Zoro feel nervous. Sanji’s always protective of his space. Even though Zoro knows the room well.

When Sanji just moved in, he had a hard time sleeping. It’s not that he complained about it, but it was obvious. He’d wander through the kitchen all night, often falling asleep on the couch instead of his own bed. The house was very different from the apartment he shared with Zeff before. Once, late at night, he had told Zoro something neither of them would ever bring up again: the last time he’d slept alone in a room was at his father’s house. Zoro never pushed for details, and he’s quite certain no one else even knows about it, but suddenly, Zoro would spend his evenings in Sanji’s room. Usually they’d do their own thing: Sanji would do homework or lay in bed on his phone until he started to drift off to sleep. Zoro would find ways to entertain himself, watching shows or reading Sanji’s manga until he had drifted off, only to quietly move to his own room to sleep. The memories are dear to Zoro, even if it feels off to remember a bad time so fondly. It felt good to be so close to Sanji, even if his vulnerability was only for a short while.

The actual anxiety creeps in on Zoro once the knock doesn’t get a response.

Just the slightest bit worried, Zoro knocks again, much harder this time. A small groan can be heard from the other side of the door. Without waiting for a response, Zoro pushes open the door.

Sanji’s bedroom is… not as he expected.

There’s laundry laying around on the floor. His precious manga collection is scattered around the room, the display shelf basically empty. There’s dirty dishes on his nightstand and his desk. A full ashtray of empty cigarette stumps lay next to his bed, but there’s half-smoked cigarette butts on almost all dishes, too. It’s more cluttered than Zoro’s ever seen.

‘’Hey,’’ he says, standing awkwardly in the doorway.

Sanji’s bed head pokes out from under his duvet. His eyes are small, obviously thick with sleep. ‘’Huh?’’ he asks, sounding very confused and sleepy.

‘’Just wanted to check up on you.’’ Zoro doesn’t meet his eyes, unable to tear his eyes apart from the unfamiliar chaos in Sanji’s space.

‘’Huh?’’ Sanji asks again, not waiting for a response. His head hits the pillow again, making it hard for Zoro to look at him.

‘’Nothing,’’ Zoro mutters. Maybe Nami was right to be worried, it’s unusual for Sanji to be in bed at this time, but he’s not sure how to bring it up. His thoughts go back to right before he went into the room. Sanji’s an adult, he’s able to take care of himself. If he needs help, he’ll ask for it.

‘’Sleepy,’’ Sanji croaks softly. He turns around, his back now turned to Zoro. ‘’S cold.’’

‘’Do you want… Some tea? Or anything else?’’ Zoro hears the hesitation in his own voice. He’s thankful Sanji doesn’t respond, obviously having drifted off to sleep again, because he’s not sure what to make of this.

Quietly, he closes the door. Maybe Sanji’s just tired. Maybe he needs a good night’s sleep. Maybe tomorrow he’ll do a major cleaning, and it’ll be the first step in the right direction.

Zoro decides to keep a closer eye on Sanji until that happens.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Sanji’s annoyed. The music is way too loud and absolutely awful, the room is too hot and there’s so many people, he’s quite certain it’s a safety hazard, the alcohol is overpriced and bad ( what do you mean the only white wine you have is Ogio??). He hadn’t even really wanted to come in the first place, but his university friends demanded he’d come tonight and, honestly? He really did need a break, so he accepted. He’s not entirely sure of what it is he needs a break, but a night out drinking is supposed to take your mind off of other things, right?

Wrong, apparently. It took about 5 minutes for most of his friends to wander off somewhere without him, leaving him pathetic and alone at the bar with his very overpriced (and disgusting) beer. No way in hell is he going to drink Ogio, but neither the red nor white wine seemed acceptable to drink, so he has to make do.

About half an hour ago, just when he expected the night couldn’t possibly get any worse, his eyes fell on a certain green-haired marimo on the other side of the room.

At least he was decent enough to come over and ask why Sanji was sitting on his own. Even though he hadn’t said anything, the pity radiated off Zoro like heat. Maybe that’s why Sanji couldn’t possibly tell the truth, opting to lie and say ‘ ’my friends are actually outside, they should be back any minute. You can go back to whoever you came with, idiot, I don’t need your company.’’

His friends did, in fact, not come back. Kid has been trying to flirt (and very obviously failing) with a girl way out of his league somewhere in a corner, and Kaku has walked past the bar a couple of times- but besides them? Sanji has no idea where the others are.

He could leave right now. There’s no reason for him to stay, but the idea of returning home within an hour and a half after leaving their house to go clubbing is going to throw Usopp and Nami into a laughing fit so hard, he’d rather get drunk and sit in self-pity for one evening.

The only problem is Zoro. He hasn’t bothered him any further, but if he’s paying attention, he might never live this night down. Zoro should be able to see him. Surely he’s paying attention to him, right? At least a bit?

Sanji moves his head slightly to the right. If he moves just right, he can catch a glimpse of the booth where Zoro and his friends are sitting and- Zoro’s back is to him.

Annoyed, Sanji clicks his tongue. Really, the marimo isn’t even the least bit worried about him? Whatever. He flags down the bartender to order two more beers, one for himself and one for his misery, as he checks his phone for at least the 6th time in the last 10 minutes.

‘’Excuse me?’’ The small voice behind him is barely audible above the horrible 2000s music mix currently playing. ‘’You’re Sanji, right?’’

Shocked, the blond turns around. Behind him is one of the most beautiful girls he’s ever seen: her long, pink dress makes her figure look incredible, and her half-up-half-down blue hair is a stark contrast from everyone else in the room. She’s beautiful, Sanji can’t help but feel his pulse rise slightly. She’s exactly his type.

‘’Y-yes, I’m Sanji,’’ he cringes at the stutter, but keeps going. ‘’You look absolutely lovely, can I help you with anything?’’ Proud of making his voice steady again, he flashes his best smile at the lady in front of him

‘’I actually came over to talk to you,’’ she smiles sweetly, swiftly taking the empty bar stool next to him. ‘’Aren’t you going to ask my name, Sanji?’’ she smiles teasingly.

‘’Of- ofcourse.’’ He clenches his eyes out of embarrassment, before realising the situation and putting on a smile again. ‘’May I ask your name, and your order, my love?’’

‘’It’s Vivi,’’ she responds, lightly swinging her legs. She’s so cute, she’s too short to reach the ground . ‘’And I’d like a Moscow Mule, please.’’

Sanji raises his eyebrows at that. ‘’Alright, give me a moment,’’ he says while trying to raise the attention of the bar man, who’s trying very hard to get the attention of a very clearly uninterested girl on the other side of the bar.

‘’What?’’ Vivi asks. ‘’Something wrong?’’

‘’Of course not. I just didn’t take you for the vodka type, but whatever my lady desires, she gets,’’ Sanji responds smoothly, finally gaining the attention of the barkeeper.

‘’I don’t like vodka,’’ Vivi laughs. ‘’I like ginger beer and lime, and tolerate the vodka.’’

After Sanji orders for her, he returns his attention to the goddess next to him. ‘’See, I can read you like a book, already.’’

The night turns out not to be so bad after all. Vivi is lovely, she’s sweet and easily reciprocates Sanji’s flirtations- but something feels off.

It’s not like Sanji never takes women home. Quite the opposite, he’s had his fair share of temporary relationships and one-night stands, even while living together in a house with his 8 friends he’s gotten lucky. There’s nothing wrong with Vivi, either. She’s exactly what Sanji looks for in a girl: beautiful, smart, funny. Even if all she’d give him is a wink, he’d take that any day of the week, but tonight is different.

He stumbles over his words, embarrassing himself after realising he lost concentration while she was talking. He drinks more than he’d like to cover up his embarrassment, which leads to more embarrassment. The loud noises and stuffiness of the room feel overwhelming, so much so that he doesn’t even really want to listen to her anymore. Honestly, all Sanji really wants right now is a smoke and his bed.

For a moment, he debates inviting Vivi to come outside with him so he can at least satiate one of his urges and hopefully refind some motivation to talk to her, but he decides against it. He doesn’t want to let her on when he’s clearly not in the mood for whatever she’s offering, whether it’s friendship, flirting or something else entirely - neither his head nor heart is in it, and he couldn’t knowingly take advantage of such a beautiful woman. Plus, he’s certain she’s noticed his standoffishness. All he can hope for is that she doesn’t think he’s not interested in her.

He kindly takes his leave with a sad excuse of feeling under the weather in hopes of rekindling his poor first impression later on. Luckily, Vivi really seems too sweet for her own good, because she asks for his phone number before he can even stand up. He gives her a kiss on the cheek as goodbye, and based on the slight blush on her face, she doesn’t mind.

The walk outside is heinous. There’s too many people, and the night has formed a fogginess in Sanji’s mind that he can’t seem to break out of. Every time anyone touches him, he feels an electric shock go through his body. He keeps his eyes trained on the floor, ignoring everything around him to try and get outside as fast as possible. The quicker he has a cigarette between his teeth, the better.

With his hand finally on the doorknob of the front door, someone tightly grabs his shoulders. Sanji’s so frustrated at almost being out of this horrible situation, but being pulled back at the last moment, he groans loudly.

‘’Cook?’’ Zoro asks behind him.

‘’Ugh,’’ Sanji scoffs, not bothering to turn around. ‘’If you want to talk to me, come outside. I’m not staying here a second longer.’’ He yells loudly over the music and people, quickly pushing open the door and disappearing outside.

He almost expected Zoro not to follow him at all, but as soon as the door falls closed, it opens again, with the bewildered, green-haired man walking outside. Before either of them can say anything, Sanji frantically searches his pockets for his cigarettes, until Zoro holds his pack in front of his face.

‘’I saw you left it at the bar,’’ Zoro says.

‘’Oh…’’ Sanji takes the package, thankful for not having lost it. ‘’Thanks. I didn’t know you could see me.’’

Zoro fidgets with his hands. ‘’Of course, I saw some of your friends around. They ditched you?’’

‘’Nah.’’ Sanji takes a deep drag of the cigarette, happy at finally having some nicotine in his lungs after multiple hours. ‘’We went out together. Just, everyone found something to do, you know?’’

‘’Hmmm.’’ Zoro obviously doesn’t believe him, but he doesn’t press further, and that’s enough for Sanji. ‘’Saw you sitting with Vivi.’’

Surprised, Sanji looks at Zoro. ‘’You know her?’’

Zoro nods. ‘’She’s really nice. And sweet. She was sitting with us, actually.’’ He takes a sharp inhale before he finishes, ‘’She saw you sitting there, so I told her a bit about you… That’s why she came over.’’

‘’Oh,’’ Sanji says, not sure how to feel about having Zoro as a wingman, basically. ‘’Yea, she’s beautiful. Really funny too, way wittier than you.’’

Zoro leans his back against the wall of the building, looking everywhere but at Sanji. If his fidgeting indicates he’s nervous, Sanji’s not going to feel bad. He doesn’t necessarily want to have a conversation with the Marimo about his love life, either. There’s nothing stopping him from just shutting up.

‘’But she’s not your type?’’

‘’Of course she’s my type!’’ Sanji remarks, possibly a bit too loud after the amount of alcohol he’s consumed. It probably hasn’t helped that he barely managed to eat anything today, his appetite has been reduced since certain insecurities have come up again. ‘’She’s adorable, sweet, hot, funny, smart, she might be an actual ange-’’

‘’Whatever, why didn’t you take her home then?’’ Zoro asks. ‘’She was basically lying at your feet, all you had to do was ask.’’

Sanji rolls his eyes. ‘’I’m not going to take a woman home on the first date, not that this was even a date, you idiot.’’

‘’Wouldn’t be the first time,’’ Zoro mutters.

Sanji has half a mind to slap Zoro across the face, but ultimately decides it’s not worth it to risk hurting his hands for such an idiot like him.

‘’Whatever, it’s not your problem. I just wasn’t feeling it tonight.’’ Sanji responds, attention focused on the cigarette instead of the mossball. He’s annoyed at himself for not feeling up to talking to her, he’s never not wanted to talk to a beautiful woman, and he’s annoyed at Zoro for helping him.

‘’It is, actually. I sent her over to you because I thought you’d like her. Do you want me to…’’ Zoro sighs, unsure of how to phrase his question. ‘’Not send a woman over if they’re interested in you?’’

‘’What do you even mean?’’ Sanji asks. Having to talk about all of this with Zoro out of all people is making him so frustrated, he has to restrain himself from biting his cigarette in two. ‘’If someone’s interested in me, they can talk to me. I just wasn’t feeling it, that’s all.’’

‘’Yea, just, I’ve never seen you not into flirting with anyone?’’ It sounds more like a question than a statement. ‘’I mean, would you have been into it if it was a man? Because-’’

Sanji feels his cheeks flush immediately. ‘’That’s not the problem!’’

Zoro rolls his eyes, his voice immediately sounding more irritated. ‘’Are you seriously still awkward about this? I do not care if you like dick, and neither does anyone else.’’

Sanji sputters something incoherent, throwing his finished cigarette on the ground and pushing it out with the heel of his shoes. ‘’I’m not awkward about it!’’

‘’You look like a tomato.’’

‘’And you look stupid.’’

‘’That is a pathetic comeback, cook.’’

‘’I don’t care!’’ Sanji screams, but immediately realises he’s being very unreasonable here. Zoro’s trying to be nice, a rare occurrence, and he shouldn’t punish him for his own insecurities. ‘’It’s- no. It wouldn’t have mattered if it was a man. I’m just really tired today, so...’’ He quickly checks his phone, deciding that after 2 and a half hours, if he walks really slowly, he can return home, hopefully without being made fun of. ‘’I just want to go home.’’

Zoro nods, still not seemingly satisfied. ‘’So you are interested in Vivi? Because knowing her, she’s going to come over to me any minute to ask me.’’

Sanji’s quiet for a moment, twitching his feet uncomfortably. ‘’I am. I have her number, I’ll call her.’’

‘’ ‘Kay,’’ Zoro responds, pushing himself off the wall. ‘’I’ll go back then. Let me know when you’ve arrived home, okay?’’

Sanji nods, not meeting his eyes.

Zoro stills, something obviously holding him back.

‘’Look, do you want me to walk you home?’’

‘’No!’’ Sanji scoffs. ‘’I’m not a child!’’

‘’I know,’’ Zoro’s voice is soft. He takes a step closer, but changes his mind, and backs off again. ‘’I’m not saying that. I’m just saying, you’re drunk, and…’’ He scratches the back of his head. ‘’Don’t take this the wrong way, but lately you seem a little… off?’’

‘’I’m NOT off!!’’ Sanji explodes, angry at the implication. How dare Zoro say something like that? It’s based on absolutely nothing. ‘’I’m fine, you just can’t ever mind your own fucking business!’’

Somewhere, deep down, Sanji knows Zoro’s probably the friend that minds his own business the most.

Zoro sighs. ‘’I told you not to take it the wrong way.’’

‘’I don’t care what you tell me, I don’t care about you! Just leave me alone for once!’’ He feels his heartbeat in his chest, arms, neck, everywhere. His throat clams up in a familiar way he hasn’t felt in almost 2 years, and suddenly the world is spinning spinning spinning .

‘’Cook-’’ Zoro starts, but Sanji cuts him off.

‘’Leave me alone,’’ he mutters quietly, not able to make his voice loud. He turns around, unsteady on his feet. He takes one step forward, but quickly has to hold himself up by planting one hand on the wall. There are too many emotions inside of him trying to overpower each other, and the dizziness makes it hard to breathe. The feeling of not getting enough air in his lungs hurts, and it doesn’t help that his thoughts are foggy and he’s lightheaded.

‘’I’m not letting you go home on your own when you’re this upset,’’ Zoro says behind him, but Sanji doesn’t hear. He needs all his attention to stay upright and keep whatever is trying to overflow in his head at bay. ‘’How much did you even drink?’’

Sanji doesn’t respond. His eyes are closed, but he still feels the ground move beneath his feet. Bile is rising in his throat, and he’s certain he’s going to throw up. There are things moving in front of his eyes and suddenly, his knees hit the ground with such force it knocks the air out of him.

‘’Stop rejecting it,’’ Zoro says softly. Arms are pulling everywhere: on his shirt, hair, shoulder, the skin-on-skin contact makes Sanji feel like he’s burning.

He feels his back hit the wall. His knees hurt, but it’s nothing compared to the feeling of tears burning in his eyes.

He whimpers softly, putting his head in his hands. This is not how he envisioned the night going.

‘’Just breathe, you’re going to be fine,’’ Zoro says. His voice sounds far away, but Sanji registers the body heat he radiates from one side of his body. It’s overwhelming, he tries to shuffle away from it, but Zoro refuses, pulling him back by putting his arm around his shoulder. ‘’Just stay here.’’

Sanji doesn’t respond. He lets himself ride the waves of anxiety that pass through him, embarrassed every time his body shivers involuntarily. Zoro’s kind enough not to say anything about it. Occasionally, he shushes Sanji when his whimpers get too loud. ‘’It’s okay, just let it happen.’’

The hand moving through his hair helps steady him somewhat, but it still takes an embarrassingly long time for Sanji’s breathing to go back to normal.

After a while, Zoro nudges him softly. ‘’You still with me?’’

Unsure of how to respond, Sanji hides his face in Zoro's arm. He’s definitely not thinking straight, but at least Zoro doesn’t comment on it.

‘’It’s getting cold, let’s get you home,’’ Zoro says after a while, taking his arm back and slowly standing up. Sanji whines at the loss of warmth. He hadn’t realised how much he missed physical contact.

‘’Come on, cook,’’ Zoro tries again, offering his hand to help Sanji stand up. He stares at the outstretched hand in front of him for a moment before accepting.

Standing upright feels strange. His centre of gravity is off, and suddenly the exhaustion, lack of food and alcohol has gotten to his head. ‘’Y-you can’t...’’ His voice wavers. He cringes at the sound, it doesn’t even sound like him. ‘’You can’t tell anyone.’’

Zoro stares so intensely in his eyes, Sanji has to look away. He shakingly tries to take the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, but drops it before he can take one out.

Zoro picks them up without a word. He takes one out, offering it to Sanji. Sanji barely reacts, just lets Zoro place one on his lips. Zoro waits a second to see his reaction, but when Sanji still doesn’t move, he carefully takes the lighter out of Sanji’s pocket to help him light it.

Sanji inhales shakily, one arm heavily leaning on the green-haired man while holding the cigarette with the other. They don’t talk. Zoro quietly directs them on their way home. Once they’re almost there, Sanji starts talking again. ‘’This didn’t happen.’’

‘’It did, and we’re going to talk about it,’’ Zoro says, not caring about what Sanji has to say. ‘’You’re not doing well, and we’re going to fix it.’’

Sanji sighs. He’s still leaning on Zoro, he desperately needs Zoro’s steadiness as his feet occasionally trip over one another. ‘’I’m doing just fine,’’ he responds, barely audible.

‘’This is fine?’’ Zoro asks sarcastically. ‘’I know you’re an idiot, but I didn’t know you were this big of an idiot.’’

‘’You don’t know anything.’’

‘’I know that this,’’ Zoro uses his free hand to wave in the general direction of the blond, ‘’is not normal.’’

Sanji scoffs. ‘’I’ve had panic attacks since I was twelve, and you should know that. You’re supposed to know that, as my friend.’’ If he was thinking a bit more clearly, Sanji might’ve been embarrassed at the blatant rudeness, but he has no other choice. He needs to get Zoro off his back. Zoro doesn’t understand. None of their friends understand.

He feels helpless, has felt helpless for months . No one cared when he started to lock himself in his own bedroom. No one cared when he started to withdraw himself, or started to smile less, or started to skip meals. So why should he care about Zoro’s feelings? He obviously doesn’t care about him anymore.

Suddenly, Sanji feels immature. How had he not realised this before? It’s not Zoro’s fault, Sanji’s the fool for getting hung up on a friendship that is falling apart at the seams. They don’t like him anymore. The signs have been everywhere, and Sanji has been ignoring them on a childish whim. The fairy tale in his head of ‘having best friends.’ The only reason Zoro suddenly seems to care is because he’s become a problem.

The realisation makes Sanji’s heart sink. Is that what he turned into? A problem? Before all of this, at least he’d been useful - cooking and cleaning and doing favours for his friends whenever possible, but lately he’s been nothing but a disappointment. He messed up Zoro’s night out, he’s been messing up dinners and house dynamics and… Maybe that’s why Zoro now worries about him, or acts to, at least. Because this ‘problem’ he’s having is affecting them.

Sanji’s a liability. Useless. Useless. Useless. Stupid. Worthless. They don’t care about your pain. They care about the issues you cause them.

‘’Of course I know that, idiot. I also know you haven’t had them in years, so don’t act all high and mighty with me, now,’’ Zoro says, annoyed. His patience is running thin. He’s been giving Sanji space and time, expecting him to, at some point, finally come to him. ‘’I do know you, you know I know you, so shut the fuck up and tell me about what’s been going on with you.’’

Instead, Sanji physically pushes him away. ‘’Get the fuck away from me,’’ he growls. He’s still standing, but his legs tremble dangerously. The look in his eyes is so full of anger, Zoro’s not sure if he should touch him right now.

Sanji doesn’t care about his hesitance. ‘’You don’t care! You never care about me! You only care about the shit I always do for you because I want you to fucking like me for who I am!’’

‘’Haaah?’’

Sanji’s head drops, but he immediately looks up again. His eyes don’t leave Zoro’s as he talks. ‘’I fucking hate you, you know that?’’

‘’What are you yapping about now?’’ Zoro tries to get his voice under control, but it’s so hard with the way the cook’s behaving right now. How hard does he have to try until that dumb idiot finally accepts help?

Zoro takes a step closer to Sanji. He stretches his arm out, intending to steady Sanji, who’s swaying dangerously on his legs. Instead, Sanji slaps him across the face, hard.

Zoro stares in disbelief for a couple of seconds. He brings his hand to his face, feeling the tender spot that is definitely going to be bruised tomorrow. ‘’What is your fucking problem?’’ He screams angrily.

‘’You are!’’ Sanji screams back. ‘’How often do I have to repeat that I want nothing to do with you? I hate you!’’ He takes a deep breath, only to continue his verbal abuse. ‘’I don’t care about you, I don’t want to talk to you, I wish I had never even met you!’’

Zoro doesn’t know how to respond. His face hurts, but it’s nothing compared to the way he physically feels his heart break.

‘’Leave me alone,’’ Sanji mutters angrily. He sways on his feet, but stubbornly walks towards their house.

Zoro lets him. He quietly watches him reach their house, clumsily mess with the key until the door opens, and doesn't move until the front door slams shut again.

Neither sees each other's tears fall.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Sanji doesn’t leave his bedroom the next day. Zoro and Robin have knocked on his door to ask him to come out, but he’s ignored both of them. He knows where he stands in their minds now, and he’s not ready to face them. Not when he knows how they see him: as something to use, probably not even a person.

He smokes a lot, grateful for the window next to his bed. The nicotine keeps him agitated and unable to fall asleep. His head hurts, and the hunger pangs from not having eaten are hard to ignore, but it feels good. Like he’s accomplishing something. Like he’s punishing himself for believing he’s worth something.

It’s not until midday the next day that he decides to enter the living room again. The house has been exceptionally quiet, and he quickly realises his housemates are out. Zoro had been at his bedroom door once more last night, talking about whatever - Sanji hadn’t really listened. Nami had been there this morning, too, asking if he’d like any breakfast. She hadn’t received a response, but outside his door he found a tray with coffee and toast. Both are untouched.

He’s not even sure why he decided to leave his room. A change of scenery and a quick cup of tea while the house is empty and he won’t see anyone sounded like a good idea, but now standing in the midst of the familiar kitchen with over a year’s worth of precious, warm memories, it hurts.

‘’Sanji!’’ Luffy’s bright voice suddenly comes from the living room.

Startled, Sanji drops the kettle full of water he’d been carrying back to the stove. ‘’Fuck,’’ he curses. At least the water wasn’t hot yet.

‘’Where did you go yesterday?’’ Luffy asks, taking a seat at the kitchen table. His smile is bright and warm. Sanji feels his heart clench.

‘’What?’’ Sanji asks, slightly confused. He’s trying desperately to dry the ground as quickly as possible so he can disappear in his chamber again.

‘’Where’d you go?’’ Luffy asks again. ‘’I didn’t see you all day!’’

Sanji quits his cleaning for a second. Of course, they haven’t told him. Luffy would’ve probably tried to climb in through the window if he knew Sanji’d been in his room all day.

But that means Luffy cares, right?

Sanji feels tears prick at the corner of his eye. He’s so confused.

‘’Just… Out,’’ he mutters, more to himself than to Luffy.

Luffy laughs loudly, the sound echoing through the whole house. ‘’I hope it was fun.’’

Sanji nods his head. Suddenly, his appetite for tea has vanished. ‘’I’ll just go back to-’’

‘’Can you make me breakfast, please?’’ Luffy asks, trying to put on his best puppy eyes. ‘’I haven’t had your pancakes in so long!’’

Even though Sanji feels horrible, the idea of doing something that’ll make one of his best friends feel good is tempting. No matter how bad he feels, the feeling of doing something good, something kind, usually makes him feel good. He yearns to feel the happiness and satisfaction it gives him. His thighs hurt from squatting on the ground, and suddenly, he realises how hungry he actually is. Slowly, he gets up, looking at Luffy for the determining factor.

Luffy’s big eyes stare up at him, awaiting an answer.

‘’Okay,’’ Sanji whispers before he can truly think about it.

‘’Yay!’’ Luffy screams happily, comically throwing his fists into the air. Sanji can’t tear his eyes away from the way his eyes crinkle closed when he smiles like that.

‘’Pancakes and bacon?’’ Sanji asks softly, already turning around to grab the non-stick skillet he usually uses. He hears Luffy’s excited cheers faintly in the background.

Everything happens on autopilot. Sanji doesn’t think as he makes the batter or pre-cooks the bacon in a second pan. He doesn’t listen to Luffy’s talking, which never seems to stop for even a moment. He barely notices Luffy’s presence. It wouldn’t matter whether he'd been sitting at the kitchen table, peering over his shoulder or wasn’t in the house at all: Sanji’s completely enhanced at cooking.

For the first time in a long time, his thoughts are quiet. They’re not good or bad, they’re not even there . There’s only him and the food being prepared, and the faint, excited feeling of excitement he knows he’ll get from seeing someone enjoy his food. He feels entirely disconnected from reality, doing everything out of habit without a single thought.

The only problem is, with Sanji working on autopilot, he can’t think about certain dangers that he usually looks out for. Every person in the house has specific behaviours that he’s aware of when he’s cooking: Zoro likes to complain about whatever he’s making looking bad and smelling worse, Usopp likes to sneak little tastes when Sanji isn’t looking, and Luffy? Luffy’s too curious for his own good.

Any food he puts down, whether edible or inedible, gets tasted. Every dubiously looking spoon gets licked. And every kitchen appliance gets examined as if it’s the first time in his life he’s seen a saucepan.

Usually, Sanji keeps an eye on Luffy to make sure he’s staying at least two feet away from the counter. Today, Sanji’s mind is too chaotic and disconnected.

The skillet he uses for the pancakes is hot . The handle gets as hot as the surface. It’s second nature for Sanji to use oven mitts when handling this specific pan, and it’s his responsibility to take care of his foolish, oblivious friend.

He isn’t listening to Luffy’s never-ending chattering. Hell, he doesn’t even know where he is. Sanji’s back is not even turned a full five seconds from the stove, absentmindedly looking for the butter in the fridge, before he hears a loud scream.

Luffy shrieks loudly, and the sound of clattering follows soon after. Immediately, Sanji turns around, only to find Luffy clutching his hand to his chest and the pan with a half-cooked pancake lying on the ground. Hot tears pour down Luffy’s face as he swings his hand around, desperate for any kind of feeling of relief.

Stunned, Sanji realises this is the first time he’s ever seen Luffy cry.

It takes him a second to unfreeze his body and get into action. ‘’C’mere,’’ Sanji quickly says, taking Luffy’s unburned hand and pulling him towards the tap. He pushes Luffy’s now red-hot hand under the ice-cold water, while taking deep breaths to try and steady himself.

‘’It’s okay, you’re okay,’’ Sanji tries to reassure both him and Luffy. Luffy’s tears haven’t dried yet, and Sanji swears he physically feels every single one of his sobs in his body. He feels a tear leave his own eye at the realisation that this is his fault.

I did this. His safety is my responsibility. I fucked up.

‘’It hurts,’’ Luffy whimpers. Sanji nods.

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.

‘’I’ll get you some ice, wait here,’’ Sanji says, leaving Luffy to sit on the counter with his hand under the running water. In record time, Sanji has wrapped up some ice in a clean kitchen towel.

Without many words, Luffy is too shocked and Sanji too disassociated, Sanji manages to get Luffy seated on the couch with the cold compress on his hand. He’d quickly inspected it and luckily, it doesn’t seem that bad. It hurts, but the shock must have been as bad for Luffy as the actual wound will be.

‘’Sanji?’’ Luffy asks softly. They’d been sitting together in silence for a couple of moments. Luffy fidgeting with the towel, his tears dried, but his eyes still red, and Sanji wallowing in self-guilt. ‘’Still hungry.’’

Sanji nods, unable to form words. He offers Luffy the TV remote in hopes of distracting him. Happily, he takes it, immediately turning on the TV and getting immersed in whatever he puts on.

The blond leaves to the kitchen. The mess is still lying around, but he has no energy to worry about that. He quickly whips up something easy, toast and tea after remembering Nami’s tray is still lying near his bedroom door, as the front door opens. Robin enters the kitchen, her eyes widen as she takes in the situation. Sanji’s not sure what she’s more shocked about: seeing him, or the chaos.

‘’Give this to Luffy,’’ he whispers, pushing the just-finished breakfast in her arms. ‘’Need to go.’’

Robin stays still for a moment. Sanji pushes past her, ignoring the fact he’s still in his sweatpants and oversized hoodie he’d slept in as he puts on his shoes.

‘’Cook…’’ Robin starts, but Sanji ignores her, fastening his shoelaces as quickly as possible.

He puts on his jacket, wilfully ignoring the way she’s trying to grab his attention. ‘’Luffy’s on the couch,’’ he says, slamming the front door behind him before she can get another word in.

Sanji doesn’t return until the sun has set and the streetlamps have long turned on. He wouldn’t even really be able to recall what he’d done. He walked around, smoking his package of cigarettes until the last one was gone, immediately going to the nearest shop to buy more and continuing. His throat hurts from the load of tobacco and carbon monoxide he’s been forcing down his throat. The hunger pangs are so bad, he occasionally has to stop and stand still for a moment. Light-headed, he sat down for an unknown amount of time in some park he’d never seen before.

At some point, he decides that okay, maybe I do need to go home . The nearest subway station finally allowed him to figure out which way he had been walking and in any other situation, he’d be shocked at how far he’s come. Instead, he feels nothing. He figures out the fastest way to go home, head still empty and heart feeling cold.

I hurt Luffy. It was my responsibility. I hurt Zoro. If they still liked me before, they sure as hell don’t anymore.

The house is quiet. The light in the entryway is the only light still on, most likely left on solely for Sanji to return home. He quietly closes the door. Before, all he could think about was his bedroom and wanting to sleep, but now the anxiety creeps in once more.

His hands shake as he takes off his jacket. No way that he’s going to be able to sleep like this.

Zoro hasn’t been able to sleep, no matter how hard he’s tried.

He heard from Robin what happened between Luffy and Sanji, and even though Luffy seems unfazed - more concerned about Sanji’s whereabouts than anything else - he knows the blond is probably beating himself up over it. Sanji had already been weighed down by so much, and this was just another burden added to the load.

Zoro couldn’t help but worry about how many more straws Sanji can take before he finally breaks.

Waiting downstairs until the return of the cook was tortuous. Everyone went to bed, mutually deciding that if Sanji needed space, he'd get it. But no one has seen the red flags Zoro’s been picking up on for weeks. Sanji’s been having space, and it only seems to make everything worse.

Annoyed, he tosses and turns in his bed. They’d all tried to call Sanji multiple times, but after hearing his phone ring from his bedroom, they knew it was useless. After contemplating, Zoro decided it’d be no use to walk around town and look for him, just as useless as worrying himself sick on the couch, constantly staring out the window in hopes of catching a glimpse of blond hair and cigarette smoke.

After another 30 minutes of huffing and staring at his ceiling, he decides enough is enough. He can at least get downstairs, check if Sanji really hasn’t returned yet, and get something to drink before wallowing in his worries again.

Zoro’s feet hit the cold ground. He feels a shudder move through his body. Is Sanji seriously still outside in this weather?

Seeing the lights in the entryway still on makes his heart clench, afraid of his initial idea being true. Then the soft sound of clattering in the kitchen can be heard, and his heart jumps.

He practically runs to the kitchen, hoping desperately to find who he’s been looking for. The smell of smoke welcomes him on the stairs, and Zoro’s first feeling is pure relief. It gets quickly washed away by worry once he finally comes face-to-face with the cook.

Sanji’s running around in the kitchen. The heat from the oven is overbearing. Zoro closes the door behind him, hoping that their talking won’t wake up anyone else. This is going to be something between just them. He doesn’t need any stray ears picking up on their conversation

“Hey,” he says softly, immediately followed by the sounds of the door closing. Sanji jumps at the sound, wide eyes staring at the man in front of him.

“Hey,” Sanji responds, immediately going back to tinkering with something sweet-smelling in a saucepan on the stove.

Zoro had expected their next conversation to start with a fight. Screaming, tears, maybe another hit, anything but this. Anything but the quiet, dishevelled man cooking at 4 am.

“What are you making?” Zoro asks, taking short steps towards the counter to peer over Sanji’s shoulder.

Panicked, Sanji turns around. “Stop!” He says a little too loud, turning around and continuing to stir in the pot. “It’s hot, please… Not too close.”

Zoro nods. Words aren’t needed to understand the stress Sanji’s currently feeling. He understands. He takes a seat at the kitchen table, noticing an already finished cake in the middle of the table. A fork is lying next to it, a small bite has already been taken.

Red flag. Sanji never just plunges a fork into his creations to taste.

“It smells good,” Zoro remarks, hoping to start up a conversation. Or just make the stressed man in front of him feel at ease. He’s okay with both.

“It was for you,” Sanji whispers softly. “Coffee cake. As an apology.” He sighs, one hand finds its way in blond hair to tug harshly. “I messed up.”

Zoro doesn’t like the way the man’s anxieties are clearly portraying. “Cooking is second nature for you, of course you didn’t mess it up.’’

Sanji doesn’t respond. Zoro sees the faint lines of scratches on his arm.

‘’I don’t mind if it’s too sweet, I appreciate you making it for me,’’ Zoro tries again.

The blond doesn’t respond. He doesn’t even turn around until the sound of the fork scratching against the underside of the cake pan.

‘’Stop, no no no no,’’ Sanji sputters, eyes wide and shocked. His hair is pushed behind his ears from the tugging earlier, making both his eyes visible.

Zoro feels his stare tug at his heartstrings. His eyes are so beautiful. He’s not sure whether blue or green suits his eyes better. Before Sanji can whine more, he takes a bite.

He understands what Sanji meant by ‘messed up’ immediately. It’s oversalted, but combined with the slight sweetness it balances each other out well. Zoro never liked sweetness, so the dulled taste is less indulgent.

‘’It’s great, I like it. Thank you,’’ Zoro says, mouth still full of the bite.

Sanji shakes his head, looking sadly at the cake. In a swift motion, he turns off the heat and picks up the cake.

‘’Where are you going?’’ Zoro asks, confused.

Sanji’s voice sounds fragile. ‘’Just… Leave it,’’ he sighs, quickly throwing the cake into the bin.

‘’You…’’ Zoro doesn’t know how to word his thoughts. Sanji doesn’t waste food. He never wastes food. He has messed up new recipes before. At worst, he’d eat it himself, but he never throws it away. ‘’What are you doing?’’

‘’I’m so sorry,’’ Sanji’s voice breaks, and even though Zoro can’t see his face, he sees the way his body slumps against the kitchen counter.

In a split second, Zoro’s arms are wrapped around Sanji from behind.

‘’I fucked up,’’ Sanji whispers again, to no one in particular again. ‘’I fucked up. I fucked up. It’s my fault. I fucked it up, didn’t I?’’ The hand finds its way back into his hair, and he tugs harshly.

‘’Stop that,’’ Zoro says, his voice almost breaking. He puts his arms tighter around the blond until he feels every sob through his own chest. ‘’Don’t cry, you didn’t do anything wrong.’’

Sanji nods his head. He shakes out of the embrace only to turn around and fully fall into Zoro’s arms. ‘’I hate myself so much, I can’t do this anymore, Zoro, please.’’

Zoro holds him in his arms as he breaks. He’d been expecting this weeks ago, but it didn’t prepare him at all. Seeing his friend hurt hurts so much.

‘’I got you, it’s okay,’’ he whispers into Sanji’s ear.

They don’t move. Zoro quietly sways them, hoping it soothes whatever’s going on inside Sanji’s head right now. He cries until all of his tears are dried up.

‘’Curly, look at me.’’ Zoro tries to back off from the embrace, but Sanji whines disgruntled and stays close, his head on the other’s chest. ‘’Talk to me, then.’’

He slowly moves them towards the table, sitting down with Sanji draped on top of his legs. The blond fully leans into him. It’s the first time they’re this close. Zoro feels himself go dizzy from the overwhelming sense of Sanji.

‘’Tell me what’s been going on.’’

Sanji stutters through an incomprehensible explanation. It consists mainly of things he’s done wrong. ‘’I s-should’ve-’’ Sanji stutters. ‘’Been better.’’

Zoro listens. It’s overwhelming to hear Sanji talk, and he doesn’t know how to process it. Every single thing Sanji tells him hurts, but at the same time, his feelings are dulled. How can Sanji think of himself like this?

‘’Cook,’’ Zoro interrupts him, in the middle of a rant about how he’s sorry he hasn��t been able to do more for them. ‘’Sanji, please, listen.’’

The mention of his own name quiets him down.

The arms around Sanji tighten. ‘’Where is this coming from?’’

Sanji shrugs his shoulders. ‘’I just… Everything hurts. And I haven’t been able to do anything like - not like I used to do.’’ The hand on Zoro’s shoulder shakes. ‘’I’m weak.’’

‘’Sanji, you’re not weak. You should’ve told us if something was wrong.’’

‘’I can handle it.’’

Zoro softly pets Sanji’s back, the only part of him his hand can comfortably reach. ‘’You don’t have to handle anything on your own.’’

Sanji doesn’t respond, so Zoro continues. ‘’We don’t love you because you do shit for us, idiot. We love you because you’re you. Because you’re kind. Remember when Usopp got wasted and you drove over an hour to pick him and Luffy up? You didn’t have to do that, no one wanted you to do that, but you did it because you’re kind.’’

Sanji moves his head closer to Zoro’s neck.

‘’I like how competitive you are. You’re always pushing me to do better, to be better, and I thought you liked that about me, too, but maybe I was wrong.’’

Sanji shakes his head. ‘’I- I like it. A bit,’’ he says slowly. ‘’ ‘S fun.’’

Zoro can’t help the soft smile that comes over his face. ‘’I’m happy about that.’’

‘’You’re the only one who matches me like that, you know? No one else would be okay with the dumb bets we make. I can’t believe I went to the gym every day for a whole month for you.’’

Sanji laughs softly. ‘’You refused to believe I could make cupcakes you’d like!’’

‘’I thought all cupcakes are sweet!’’

‘’You’re an idiot.’’

‘’I know that. Now that we’re onto the topic again, could you make them again soon?’’ Zoro asks, hoping it’ll distract the cook. Instead, it seems to have the opposite effect.

‘’Y-yea.’’

Zoro thinks for a moment. He’s never been good at connecting dots, especially when the dots are placed by Sanji, and thus messily all over the place and shouldn’t even have a connection to begin with.

‘’Sanji, you know you don’t have to do anything we ask you to, right? It’s just… You’re always so helpful, you’re the first person anyone would go to if they needed help.’’ Zoro resumes the soft strokes on his back.

‘’I’m not…’’ Sanji sighs shakily. ‘’I’m really not. I haven’t earned your love like that, not after… I haven’t been… I don’t deserve it, Zoro.’’

Zoro’s body freezes up. Of course, the idiot thinks like this.

‘’Look at me, now,’’ Zoro says. He moves out of the embrace, ignoring Sanji’s whine, and takes his face in his hands. They’re eye-to-eye, and no matter how much Sanji moves, he can’t get out of the grip. ‘’You don’t have to prove yourself. We love you. I promise, who made you feel that way?’’

Sanji refuses to look Zoro in the eyes, his own way of being stubborn. ‘’No one in particular. It’s just… oh.’’ A realisation seems to come over Sanji. His eyes fill with tears. ‘’Oh, oh god.’’

‘’What’s wrong?’’

‘’I’m…’’ It’s hard for Sanji not to make his voice break. ‘’I’m so sorry.’’

‘’Curly, stop apologising, tell me what you’re thinking.’’

‘’I thought it was me. I thought you didn’t like me anymore.’’

Zoro sighs. ‘’We’ve been over this multiple times. You got fucking issues, we know that, but we expect you to come to us when they’re getting bad.’’ Sanji doesn’t respond, but a tear falls from his eye. ‘’We trust you to do that.’’

He nods slowly. ‘’I messed up. It got bad, and I thought I could fix it myself, but… I don’t think I can.’’

Zoro nods, letting go of his face and engulfing him in another hug. ‘’That’s okay. I got you now. We’ll fix it together, okay?’’

“I don’t know if this can be fixed…” Sanji whispers into Zoro’s neck. His voice sounds fragile, and broken, and exhausted . Zoro feels his heart break.

“I promise, we’ll fix it,” Zoro whispers back. “You’ve got us. Let us in, okay?”

A new round of tears flow. Zoro holds him as close as possible through it all.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

“Are your eyes closed?” Zoro’s voice is muffled by the closer door, but Sanji hears it clearly anyway.

“Yes, and I don’t know why I bother because the door is closer and you put out the lights,” Sanji responds. His hands are in front of his eyes nonetheless, because what his boyfriend wants, his boyfriend gets.

“Are you a hundred percent sure?”

“Ask me that again when you can count to a hundred!” Sanji yells back.

Zoro’s deep sigh can be heard through the door. “Just do what I ask for once, will you?” The sound of something heavy being put on the ground is loud enough to echo through the empty house.

“My eyes are closed, now give me my goddamn gift for… for what again?”

Sanji can hear the smile in Zoro’s voice. “Just wanted to do something nice for you.”

Sanji’s, honestly, slightly nervous. Their relationship is still quite new, it’s only been 8 months since that fateful night in the kitchen (which Sanji would rather not think about, but at least it got him here).

Only a month later, they ended up together. As in, officially together. Sanji awkwardly mumbled his way through a confession, until Zoro got fed up with it and just kissed him - which led to a lot of sputtering and swearing from the blond, but Zoro didn’t care. Sanji simply looked too cute with his lips and the tips of his ears bright red.

They decided to make a big change only a month ago. Zoro’s old bedroom got renovated, and Zoro’s rickety, one-person bed was swapped with a brand-new bed for 2 people. Which was not an easy adjustment.

“We’re throwing away your old bed, I don’t care.” “What’s wrong with my bed?” “Look at how old it is! We can’t even fit on it together, plus, it creaks.” “Everyone knows we have sex, Sanji.” “THEY DON’T HAVE TO HEAR IT!” “I don’t know, I think that’s kinda hot.” “You’re fucking deranged, and I hate you. We’re burning the bed.”

Slowly, the room came together as theirs. There are cookbooks, dumbbells, dress shirts and swords displayed around the room. Sanji decorated it to be cosy, going as far as to hang up fairy lights and put plants around (‘’Sanji, we have a living room. What is all of this?’’ ‘’It’s cute! Look, the lights have different settings, and you have to learn the names of the plants.’’ ‘’They have names?’’ ‘’And feelings, Marimo. I’ll hurt you if you touch them.’’)

Sanji has never felt more loved and safe. He still has off days, which often result in off weeks, but Zoro’s always there to pick up the pieces. They’ve made a proper chore schedule, so everyone contributes equally. Sanji isn’t allowed to cook more than 4 nights a week, and together they’ve made a meal plan to make sure Sanji’s eating all 3 of his meals.

Zoro turned out to be a much better boyfriend than Sanji could have hoped for: he’s still Zoro, dumb and clumsy and forgetful, but he does occasional boyfriend stuff Sanji hadn’t expected. He tries his best to be the person he believes Sanji deserves. Still, he’s never had a big surprise, the kind where Sanji has to close his eyes and somehow, Zoro convinces all their housemates to clear out.

‘’I’m coming in, keep your eyes closed,’’ Zoro yells.

Sanji complies, closing his eyes tightly behind his hands. He hears the door creak open and the lights turn on. Heavy footsteps stop right in front of him.

‘’Okay, open them.’’

Nervous, Sanji opens his eyes. He slowly lowers his hands, expecting something… Practical? New kitchen knives, an apron? Something cheesy? Flowers and chocolate?

He expected everything but Zoro to stand in front of him with a small, black kitten.

‘’Oh my god,’’ Sanji immediately coos. The kitten is comfortable lying in Zoro’s arms, completely uncaring about the world around her. Once she hears Sanji’s voice, her ears perk up. Two beady eyes look over at Sanji, and a little meow escapes her small mouth.

‘’Hold her,’’ Zoro smiles, unable to keep the happiness from his voice. Sanji immediately opens his arms. The kitten looks around dumbfounded for a moment, but quickly makes herself comfortable. She fits in Sanji’s palm perfectly. ‘’I thought you’d like her.’’

‘’’She’s so cute!’’ Sanji pets her head lightly, afraid of hurting her. The kitten leans into his touch thankfully. ‘’Why? What… How?’’

‘’I just…’’ Zoro scratches behind his ear for a moment. He sits down next to Sanji, putting his arm around the other’s shoulder. ‘’I thought you deserved something nice. She’ll keep you company when you don’t feel like going out, and when you’ve had a hard day she’ll be waiting for you here.’’

Sanji feels tears prick in his eyes. ‘’She’s adorable.’’

‘’And she’s all ours.’’ Zoro’s arm tightens. Sanji leans into his touch, unable to tear his eyes from the small creature dozing off to sleep in his hands. ‘’I got everything we need. Nami and Robin even helped pick out toys and stuff.’’

Sanji feels a warm feeling blossoming in his chest, something he learned to identify as love. ‘’What’s her name?’’

‘’I named her onigiri.’’

Big eyes look over at Zoro. ‘’You did not call our cat after your favourite food.’’

‘’It sounds cute! We can name her Oni for short!’’

‘’You’re such an idiot,’’ Sanji says. He can’t even pretend to be mad right now. ‘’I’m… I love you so much,’’ he says happily, bringing Onigiri closer to his face. Her eyes open curiously at the sudden movement.

‘’Calm down,’’ Zoro smiles. ‘’You’ve known her for a good three minutes.’’

‘’I meant you, you oaf. I love you.’’

Zoro is silent for a moment, too stunned by Sanji’s sudden confession to respond. Then, after a beat, he pulls the blond even closer, his grip tightening. He buries his face in Sanji’s hair, feeling a familiar warmth bloom in his chest. The same warmth that’s been there every time he’s looked at Sanji for the past few months.

‘’I love you too, curly.’’

#one piece #black leg sanji #sanji #vinsmoke sanji #one piece sanji #zosan #roronoa zoro #mugiwara no ichimi #angst #sanzo #modern au #one piece fanfiction #op zosan #op masterlist

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binniebakery · 11 months ago

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Thornless Rose (1/3)

Prince!Yeonjun x Princess!Fem!Reader, strangers (one-sided enemies??) to lovers, Fluff! ♡ Summary: marrying oranada's "evil" prince was not on your bingo card for the year but hey we thug it out (im not good at summaries) ♡ Warnings: arranged marriage, mentions of minor character death (i swear the fic is not angst, pure fluff) more warnings as the fic goes on! ♡ A/N: Okay so this idea popped into my head, and who better fits this than yeonjun!! THIS IS JUST THE INTRO/PART ONE SO PLEASE STICK W ME HERE I PROMISE MY MAN WILL BE IN THE NEXT ONE!! this is my little valentines gift for you all!! I'm going to try to upload a part everyday until valentines! enjoy!! (always looking for feedback so pls lmk if theres anything i need to fix thanks!) ♡ Read:2/3 here! ♡

To say you were enthusiastic in the slightest to meet your so called “betrothed” would be the biggest lie to be told in your kingdom’s history. Then again, when did your opinion ever matter when it came to what you wanted? As a princess, the next in line to be queen to be exact, your kingdom always came first anyway. Your parents always did what was best for you and your citizens. “Y/n, you know your father will be most displeased if you decide to pass this opportunity. You’re his only daughter you know.” Your lady-in-waiting pleaded with a nervous smile as you sat on your bed next to the large luggage beside you, filled with clothing and necessities for your week-long trip. The thoughts of uncertainty that clouded your brain quickly were pushed aside the moment she entered your bedroom. After all, the full day trip that was ahead of you gave you plenty of time to think of what was to come. “I know but why must I be paired with someone I’ve never met. I’m sorry I know you mean well but I don’t want to be constantly reminded of my duty miss Yuri.” Sighing, you stood up and rubbed your temples in an attempt to relax yourself. Since your mother’s passing the amount of stress that has piled up in your life has you wishing you could escape it all. So when your father pulled you to his quarters a month ago for the first time since her passing to tell you that you were leaving for a week to meet your new soon-to-be husband and soon-to-be-king of your kingdom, things seemed to look up as you were a hopeless romantic yourself. Sure, you’ve never met this person, but surely he couldn’t be that awful of a husband right? Wrong. The moment you were sat down and your father mentioned the words “Prince of Oranada” your world once again went spiraling. Of course, you couldn’t have one good thing! “Look, I know there’s rumors and you may have your own assumptions but know that this is for the good of our kingdom.” Your father began as you bit your tongue for the sake of hearing his argument. “Oranada has been closed off for a decade now since the war, they keep their relations private but I’ve only heard positive things-” “Father you can’t be serious! Sure they’re wealthy and I’m sure they have wonderful combat strategies passed down from generations but have you forgotten that the prince- and pardon my language- is possibly the most spoiled and narcissistic person on this damn planet?!” You stood from your seat, hands slamming on your father’s desk. Normally it was out of place for you to lash out at anyone, especially your father but this was just the cherry on top of all that had been happening to you the past year. You have heard more than your fair share of the rumors from Oranada. The king and queen were known for keeping a neutral stance in politics, the same as your kingdom. Oranada was actually a very well-respected kingdom, they had very close connections and often chose peace. That was all fine to you except the fact that when war broke out on that side of the land, a lockdown was immediately issued and the entire kingdom was closed off. When said lockdown was placed, surrounding kingdoms were shocked to see that the entire time the king and queen had a son. Prince Yeonjun was a secret kept from the world. Apparently, the prince was only put under light to the public when the king and queen announced that their son was now a part of their kingdom’s decision-making. Immediately the day after he was found guilty of sentencing a man to the death penalty as his first rule. The news spiraled and thus Prince Yeonjun became the tyrant son of the once respected king and queen of Oranada. Oranada decided to close their borders before an official statement could be made. Since then the kingdom has been closed off, leaving the rest of the world to create buzz around it.

“Y/n! I beg your pardon?! I know very well that you know better than to lash out in such an unruly manner.” He spoke through his teeth, attempting to remain composed yet his voice was loud and stern. “Now sit down and you’re going to allow me to finish otherwise I will send you there without any previous knowledge.” As he was the king you had no choice but to sit down, at least not without an annoyed huff. “Apologies father… please continue.” You stared at the wooden floor beneath you, the red oak wood now the most interesting thing in the world to avoid your father’s intense stare. The king sighed as he continued. “As I was saying, you may have your thoughts on the situation, or on the prince, but I promise you that I won’t just let you marry anyone for any reason. Since your mother’s death.. I realize I am getting old. You’re my only child and I need you to realize that you’re old enough now to marry. I only want the best for this kingdom and I know you do too.” You looked up to see that his eyes had softened, voice now more your father’s than the king of your kingdom. “I’ve thought about this for a while, this is our only choice. I’ve actually been able to get into connection with the king and queen themselves, and they’d be absolutely delighted to have you over and introduce you both. So I will be sending you over in about a month and you will be spending the week with your fiancé.” Your eyes widened, not only had your father pulled strings to get into contact with a kingdom that was nearly impossible to get a hold of for the past ten years but the stage was set. You were now engaged and had no voice in the matter. The following month consisted of constant pleading and back and forth with you and the king. You understood it was your duty to find a proper suitor for not just you but your kingdom. Yet, it was so unlike your father to pull the rug from under you like this. Thus here you were, 10 minutes before your departure and you wanted nothing more than to just vomit rather than go on a day-long journey across the land. “Princess, please, I promise things will go fine! After all, once you return, you may have your mind changed.” Yuri said as she kneeled before you while adjusting the arrangements of your travel dress. You could laugh at her comment, you really could. “And you expect me to ignore the fact that I could be marrying a crazy man, a murderer even?” You sighed as you patted the spot next to you for Yuri to sit. Aside from your mother, Yuri had always taken care of you and now that the queen has passed she was the only motherly figure you had left. She was only a few years older but was mature and kind, she was an older sister to you. Running her fingers through your hair in an attempt to relax you, Yuri searched mentally for a proper response. There was no convincing you really, even she knew chances were slim that things would end well.

Suddenly, a knock on your bedroom door shook you from your thinking. “M’lady, are we ready for departure?” Your father’s assistant could be heard. He had been entrusted to accompany you and Yuri on your journey. “Yes! All prepared, we’ll be down in a second!” Yuri chirped as you both immediately stood to your feet. “Just look on the bright side, be positive and things will go your way, M’lady.” She smiled endearingly as you sighed in defeat. “After all, when have I ever been wrong?” You chuckled as she placed her hands on the wooden doors of your bedroom to open them for you. Was it too late to hide under the covers like you did as a child when it stormed? “Hmm, I could think of a few times.” You poked her side jokingly as she rolled her eyes. With uncertainty and fear, you tilted your chin high, and thus your journey to Oranada began.

#txt imagines #txt scenarios #txt fluff #txt x reader #yeonjun x reader #yeonjun fluff #BakeryTreat♡

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yanderecrazysie · 1 year ago

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i love love LOVE ur writing like i think i’ve read basically everything u have on ur page i’m so hooked 😭 i was wondering if i could request a yandere kokichi with a darling that’s able to psychoanalyze him and see through all his lies?? thanks so much and have a great day!! <3

Thank you so much!! I’m so glad you like my writing, it means a lot to me to hear that you enjoy my writing!! And Kokichi is one of the best Danganronpa bois, so I’d be glad to write for him!

Forgive me for not knowing everything about psychology, there’s probably some mistakes there. And this is a little cheesy but I wasn’t entirely sure how to write it.

Title: See Through

Pairings: Kokichi Ouma x Reader

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, therapist reader, Kokichi’s a little shit

Summary: You can see straight through Kokichi, and he’s not sure how to feel about that.

“Kokichi, would you like to have a therapy session with me? I’m not charging.” You teased.

Kokichi put a finger to his chin, as though he were thinking hard about your offer. “Hmm, doc, that’s very tempting, but I have to meet up with Shuichi at noon.”

You raised an eyebrow, clearly disbelieving, “You can just say you don’t want to do therapy, I’ll understand. No need to make something up.”

Kokichi just grinned back at you.

As the Ultimate Therapist, you had seen all of the other students so far, happy to try to lift them up in such a worrisome time. A killing game could take a toll on everyone’s minds, so you did your best to be there for them.

The others all had their own issues to work through. Maki had trust issues that had nothing to do with the killing game, Miu had a tendency to be promiscuous, Korekiyo had sister issues, Tsumugi was clearly hiding something, Shuichi had past trauma involving his Ultimate talent… While Kokichi refused to sit down and talk with you, it was clear what issue he had.

Lying.

There were two types of liars: pathological and compulsive. They were similar, but with key differences. Pathological liars lied for some sort of gain or manipulation. Compulsive liars couldn’t help themselves, and lied about even the smallest of things.

While you leaned towards the latter, you wanted to sit down and talk to Kokichi. You wondered what his reasons for lying were, although you had some ideas.

“Why do you lie, Kokichi?” You asked him pleasantly, “Is it to feel better about yourself or can you not help it?”

His grin faltered just slightly.

“Just have one session with me, that’s all,” you pleaded, giving him your best puppy dog eyes.

For a second, you saw his mask slip. That grin melted into nothing but a blank stare, his eyes swirling with an emotion even you couldn’t place.

Then, the grin was back and he was cheerfully saying, “Okay, okay, doc, no need to beg.”

He took a seat across the table from you, resting his chin on one of his fists while he watched you carefully, cautiously.

“Do you remember the first lie you ever told?” You asked.

Kokichi smiled, “Yes. I lied that I took a bath, when I didn’t.”

You held back a small groan, “Kokichi, I can tell you’re lying.”

“Well how am I supposed to remember something so long ago?” Kokichi asked, a little giggle escaping his lips.”

“That’s a lie too,” you monotoned.

Kokichi’s grin faded, “How can you see through me so easily?” His voice was serious this time, a little deeper than before.

“I’m a therapist, that’s my job.” You said briskly, “Let’s move on to a different question. How-”

“You smell like strawberries, you know,” Kokichi smiled, kicking his feet back and forth under the table like a child.

“Um, thank you,” you replied, unsure of how to respond. “How do you feel when you lie?”

“I feel bad-”

“No, you don’t.”

Kokichi finally seemed a little frustrated, his lips curling into a pout. You felt a little bad for pushing him too hard in your first session, but it was important for him to know that you weren’t falling for his lies.

“I don’t feel anything. Lies are just more interesting than the truth. There’s only one truth but infinite possibilities for lies. And there are lies meant to spare people’s feelings or not creep them out. I wouldn’t normally tell you, for instance, that I’ll do anything to make people I like like me, even strangle them if I need to. And you’re someone I like, doc.”

You swallowed dryly. For once, Kokichi was telling the truth. “I thought you disliked me.”

“Nope!” Kokichi popped the “p”, a dark grin spreading across his face. “Tell me if I’m lying here, doc.”

He leaned across the table, face drawing nearer to yours until his warm breath played across your lips.

“I follow you around the school sometimes, just because I feel warm being around you. I’ve picked the lock to your room and poked around in there, lying on your bed because it smells like you. I can’t help thinking about you every moment of the day.”

You swallowed again, closing your eyes and trying to still your wildly-beating heart.

He was telling the truth again.

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere one shot #one shot #yandere danganronpa v3 #danganronpa v3 #kokichi ouma #yandere kokichi

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chipmunkfanno1love · 1 year ago

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Cliva Theories

I thought I’d write my personal thoughts on the Cliva ship and how I imagine it playing out if it possibly does head down the romantic path. I also want to give my comparison if they stick to the platonic route.

Thoughts on the ship generally:

When I learned that Viva was related to Poppy and later found out that she's actually her long-lost older sister, the thought of her falling in love with one of Branch's brothers sounded like such an adorable idea to me. Considering that she and Clay rule over the Putt Putt Trolls together, the pair already have an established relationship in the platonic and professional sense. The two seem to have a lot of respect for each other (which I'm sure Clay appreciates as he wasn't taken seriously by his brothers during his teen years) and seem to be the best of friends.

Viva appears to look up to Clay as her rock and confidant when it comes to her strongest fears and insecurities (something she struggled to open up with even Poppy). The fact that she’s been so open with him and trusts him with the responsibility of being her right hand man shows that Clay has proven himself as trustworthy and that he’s very important to Viva. She was obviously devastated by his betrayal in the movie, but doesn’t appear to hold a grudge due to her focus on freeing Clay from his diamond prison while Branch and Poppy were working on freeing Floyd. Obviously Clay is very important to her, not just as a right-hand man but also as a friend.

Despite trying too hard to be serious, Clay isn’t afraid to have fun and be silly around Viva, which shows he feels comfortable around her and she helps him embrace the fun side of himself while also acknowledging his desire to be taken seriously. Clay may also lean on Viva when it comes to handling his insecurities and frustrations (specifically regarding his issues with his brothers). I’m sure he appreciates someone as fun-loving and energetic as her taking over the responsibility of being “the fun one” and I’m sure he actually has fun with Viva due to not feeling the pressure of living up to his past boy band image. These two truly seem to empathise and understand each other as trolls.

I definitely believe that Clay and Viva have a shared love of dancing. Clay was obviously in charge of choreography for Brozone back in their youth, plus he’s famous for his Rusty Robot and later the Well-Oiled Robot dance moves. Viva is obviously a talented and enthusiastic dancer herself with lots of energy for crazy moves like flips and cartwheels. I personally would love to see more of these two dancing together, whether it be as two friends dancing together or possibly as a romantic dance fast and/or slow.

I think it's only natural that possible romantic sparks could grow between them as they re-adjust back into the lives of their long-lost family members and also accept that Bergans are no longer out to eat them. They obviously have a strong and special connection which they already built up even before they learned that their respective younger siblings are dating, so the possibility of them falling in love themselves does not seem that strange.

I have heard some people say that it's wrong and even incestuous for Branch's older brother and Poppy's older sister to start a romantic relationship because when Broppy gets married it will make them in-laws. While I do acknowledge for some people it may be weird for one romantic partner's brother to date and/or marry their romantic partner's sister I will say in the ship's defence that it is neither morally wrong nor incestuous for a husband/boyfriend's brother to date and/or marry his wife/girlfriend's sister. They are not related by blood or legal siblings themselves, so there are no reasons why they can't date or marry (with Poppy, Branch's and King Peppy's blessing). It's not that unusual for a couple's siblings to fall in love and eventually marry in real life and fiction (e.g. The Chipmunks and their Chipette counterparts in the Alvin and the Chipmunks franchise are some examples). Either way, let's try to respect each other's thoughts and opinions without judgement or harsh criticism.

I’m certainly open to this ship from a compatibility standpoint, but from a chemistry standpoint I think I’ll need a little more convincing as their limited interactions seemed more platonic in nature than romantic. I personally felt that Clay calling Viva “girl” sounded more like how a male would greet his female friend than how he would a potential lover. Although I have heard from some people’s translation of some non-English dubs of Trolls Band Together that Clay calls Viva “babe” which sounds slightly promising on the romantic side. Still you could easily say that was simply how the international production people personally translated the dub rather than it being the original writer's intention. Still, I’m certainly open-minded with this interpretation.

I definitely think like Branch, Viva will need some time to reconnect with her family and readjust to the outside world again, including learning to overcome her fear of the Bergans and coping with her trauma and abandonment issues. While well-meaning in her desire to protect her sister and fellow Putt Putt Trolls, I found her holding Poppy and to an extent the other Trolls hostage in order to “keep them safe” to be quite frightening and unhealthy. I only hope that to some extent Clay stayed with Viva out of genuine loyalty and care for her and not because he was basically held hostage by her. It would not be healthy for them to build any type of relationship out of fear and possessiveness.

Just like Poppy and Viva are adjusting to their newfound sisterly relationship, I think both Clay and Viva would also need to make some adjustments in their relationship as it changes with them being back with their families and learning to trust the Bergans. I’m curious how they’ll lead the Putt Putt Trolls now, whether they return to Pop Trolls Village or continue to run the Putt Putt Village together as they always have, but this time make it more welcoming and friendly to Bergans and give themselves and the Putt Putt Trolls more freedom to explore outside their home. I believe it will not only be good for Viva’s mental health, but will also help their own relationship to grow as Viva learns to be less codependent and becomes a little more interdependent with Clay. Plus, I trust that Viva doesn’t hold any hard feelings against Clay for his betrayal, knowing that he was only trying to save his brother. I’m sure she can empathise and understand him on that over knowing the pain of losing and parting ways with family.

Here are two plausible directions I could see the ship taking:

Romance option

Perhaps over time, Clay and Viva begin to notice that their relationship has grown and changed as they've settled back with their families. They start to realise that their feelings for each other may be more than platonic and their partnership may be based on more than a purely professional connection. I imagine that they both may struggle to open up about their feelings for each other at first. Clay's brothers (namely John Dory) may tease him over his crush on Viva but are overall supportive of the relationship.

Clay’s brother’s teasing him over having feelings for Viva (new lower quality video). I imagine Chandler as Clay, Rachel as Bruce, Phoebe as Branch, Ross as Floyd, Monica as John Dory and maybe Gunther as King Peppy:

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Branch in particular empathises with Clay's struggle with getting out of the friend zone and being in love with an overly energetic royal. He and Bruce may offer Clay courting and dating advice as they are currently the only two brothers to be in happily committed romantic relationships.

Poppy is incredibly supportive of Clay and Viva becoming a couple and even offers to help them get together. She gets excited at the possibility of the pair going on double dates with her and Branch. Despite some hurdles along the way, the two eventually get the courage to confess their feelings for each other and eventually become a couple.

Before that happens, I could see a little ship teasing happening between them in this form. Perhaps Poppy and Branch have just gotten engaged or maybe it’s their wedding day and the two can’t help but get into a touching yet very awkward discussion similar to that of Ross and Rachel from Friends as they watch the happy young couple.

Viva and Clay ship tease example (0:05 to 0:34) (*Warning*: Sexually suggestive adult content)

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I could see the conversation playing out like this:

Viva: “Look at them, they make such a Fantastamazing couple, don’t they!”

Clay: “My baby brother and your little sister are in love and getting married. I never would have believed it.”

Viva: “Yeah, kind of ironic…what with you being my right-hand man and all. I guess it shows they were really meant to be.”

Clay: (chuckles a little) “Yeah, it is a pretty big coincidence, huh?”

After a few moments of silence, Viva finally speaks up again.

Viva: “Hey, Clay?”

Clay: “Yeah, Veevs?”

Viva: “Do you ever think…we’ll have what they have?”

Clay: (becomes noticeably nervous but yet also hopeful) “Uh, we, as in…”you, me, us: together”

Viva: “Oh nonono, not us (gesturing between the two of them) together (laughs nervously). I mean like, you with someone and me with someone.

Clay: “Oh, whew. (fakes wiping his brow) You kinda scared me there.”

Viva: “No probs, Clay. Just shake it off!”

Clay: “Right, shake it off.” (Clay shakes himself rapidly like a dog and Viva lets out a little laugh to which Clay follows after her)

Viva: “You make me laugh.”

Clay: “Hey, I’m the former Fun Guy of Brozone and your current right-hand man. It’s what I do.”

Viva: (chuckles, though she’s still smiling it looks somewhat strained) “Yeah…i-it would make things kinda weird if we became a couple wouldn’t it?”

Clay: (smiling but his eyes look visibly saddened) “Y-yeah, real weird.”

The two share a heartfelt but very awkward moment, hinting that maybe the idea of them being a couple isn’t so weird to them. They may even be visibly disappointed at the thought of the other thinking it’s weird.

In terms of romance comparison to other fictional characters' relationships I would imagine a romantic relationship developing in a similar fashion to these character’s relationships:

Melman and Gloria:

Perhaps like Melman, maybe either Clay or Viva have had feelings for their friend for a long time but have always been too shy to admit their feelings, while like Gloria the other expresses interest in dating, completely oblivious that their friend is in love with them. Maybe it’s only when one of them starts dating someone else who later turns out to be wrong for them (not that they have to be a bad person) do they start to realise the strong extent of their feelings and they get the boldness to finally confess. Overall, in the end the oblivious friend soon realises that their best friend is actually the one for them and the two eventually become a couple.

Melman and Gloria moments:

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Melma and Gloria love confession:

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Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable:

Viva and Clay share a lot of similarities to Kim and Ron in that they aren’t just best friends (Kim and Ron have been friends since Pre-K, while we’ve yet to learn what age Viva and Clay were when they first met) but are also professional partners, e.g. Ron Stoppable is Kim Possible’s crime-fighting sidekick while Clay is Viva’s right-hand man in the leadership of the Putt Putt Trolls.

Kim and Ron as a couple:

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Unlike Melman and Gloria in which one was simply too shy to confess their feelings and the other is oblivious to their friends feelings for them, it’s hinted a lot throughout the Kim Possible series that Kim and Ron share mutual feelings for each other but neither of them confess out of fear ruining their friendship. It was certainly confirmed to be the case from Ron’s side of things, while it’s merely hinted at from Kim’s side.

Proof that Kim and Ron had feelings for each other:

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I could see either Clay or Viva being reluctant to admit their feelings for each other out of fear of their friendship being ruined as a result of their feelings being unrequited or their relationship doesn’t work out and they break up. I could see this storyline working well as their excuse in future Trolls shorts and/or films.

There’s a possibility that they may have even not confessed their feelings due to it interrupting their professional relationship, e.g. Clay was too focused on being taken seriously in his job as Viva’s right-hand man while Viva let her fear of the Bergans returning stop her from considering a romantic relationship with Clay, possibly out of fear of losing him too or she was too focused on her job as leader to consider what her feelings for Clay truly were.

With time for them both to reconnect with their families and time to readjust to the real world again, perhaps they both consider the possibility of romance in their lives, which possibly opens them up to dating other trolls but realising that they don’t have the same connection with their dates as they have with each other, leading to them realising that their feelings for each other may be more than platonic.

Chandler and Monica:

Perhaps they may go down a similar route as Chandler and Monica from Friends where perhaps they begin a relationship off-screen and try their best to hide it from their siblings, either because they don’t feel ready to tell their family and/or they’re worried about how they will react to them being a couple. Though when they finally do confess their relationship, I’m sure their whole family is very supportive of the two as a couple.

Monica and Chandler Love Story (*Warning* - Contains sexually suggestive adult content and possibly triggering fat jokes)

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One thing all these couples have in common is that they were all friends first before eventually becoming a couple. The female character is generally depicted as a bold and beautiful woman (seemingly out of the guy’s league) who while she’s generally strong and independent does occasionally struggle with insecurities (with maybe the exception of Gloria perhaps), while the male character is generally depicted as more comical and goofy but overall very supportive of their female friend and vise-versa. Perhaps they date other trolls or other creatures, but ultimately realise that they’re each other’s true love.

As we all picked up, they are quite similar to Branch and Poppy’s dynamic as well, only their roles are reversed somewhat with Viva being the more emotionally traumatised one and Clay being the more stable one who is there to emotionally support his friend/lover. Though Viva still has Poppy’s energy and enthusiasm while Clay is a little more cynical and organised like Branch.

If they do become a couple like Poppy and Branch I could see it happening in a slow burn manner with little romantic hints here and there. Though hopefully there are enough differences in their pairing that they don’t play out exactly like their younger siblings do and therefore their own relationship is still its own.

Platonic option

Of course, there's also the possibility that these two may just remain really good friends and later close in-laws when Branch and Poppy eventually get married. They may even support the other in their romantic relationships with other trolls/creatures.

In terms of other fictional friendships and professional partnerships I can definitely see similarities between Princess Fiona and Brogan’s shared leadership of the Ogre Resistance in Shrek Forever After to Viva and Clay’s shared leadership of the Putt Putt Trolls.

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They may also have similarities in their relationship to General Amaya and Commander Gren from The Dragon Prince series who have a very close friendship as well as a professional partnership much like Viva and Clay themselves. I feel if either one or both of them eventually fall in love with someone else I could see either of them supporting their friend’s romance as Gren supports Amaya’s relationship with Queen Jenai. Perhaps if Clay is one to fall in love with someone else (such as perhaps a girl from his Sad Book Club) maybe Viva would feel a little jealous at the thought of losing her best friend and confidant, but only when Clay reassures her that he’ll always be there for her as a friend does she eventually accept his new relationship and gives the couple her blessing.

Whichever direction Cliva goes, whether it remains platonic or heads in a more romantic direction, I am keen to see more of these two interacting with each other and seeing how they met and became partners in leadership. I hope their relationship grows with the changes to their situation and environment and continues to flourish.

I'm just glad that Broppy has become canon as their romantic chemistry was so obvious and I'm just grateful that the ship has sailed nicely. Whatever happens with their older siblings is up for debate.

#dreamworks trolls #trolls band together #trolls 3 #theories #cliva #clay and viva #clay trolls #trolls viva #trolls #broppy #brozone #Youtube #trolls cliva #trolls clay #clay x viva #dreamworks

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