#I’m just including studio albums to keep this simple

[psychostudnia]

“Mark Laita & The Soft White Scandals | BJ Investigates” Video Critique

One day, when I was browsing Youtube, a little thumbnail catches my attention. Video about Soft White Underbelly – that’s a name I haven’t seen in a while. Title “Mark Laita & The Soft White Scandals | BJ Investigates” suggested that mentioned in the title scandals will be analyzed in detail. 

Well, I was taken for a wild ride, not gonna lie. If you are interested, let me tell you more.

We are going to look deeper into fine art photography business to add missing context fom BJ video. I will show a little different point of view to some of Laita’s action.

This is not a hit piece. BJ team found good info. It was presented in a clear fashion. Their opinion about Mark Laita is their own and I’m not here to dispute it, even if I may not fully agree with it. 

The final opinion is left to you, dear reader.

Part I Optics Read after watching the video. Thank you!

From the beginning, and this is not a secret, BJ doesn’t like Marks’ content. She mentions it multiple times (f.eg. 37:12). I’m assuming that Marks’ actions appear too calculated and cold. His photos are considered as too objectifying.

Additionally, she seems influenced by WP article that she uses as a source (https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2020/02/27/kelly-mark-laita-videos/).

Knowing a few professional photographers, I think that a true artist usually presents three traits: adrenaline addiction, charisma and resourcefulness with a pinch of a sociopathy. Thanks to that we can get a magnetizing glimpse of reality alien to broad society.     

Part II Fine Art Photography

Making photos can be lucrative. The prices for a professional wedding session or an advertising gig go really high.

In the same time, fine art photography is more of a lottery. Until you capture photo that will catch an eye of art collector or gallery, it can take months, if not years, and a lot of money. You need to cover the cost of travel, studio, models, equipment, software, printing and business license.

“First off, there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to pricing your work. Except, save one – you need to cover your costs. Sounds simple but there are not just the costs of paper, ink, matting, framing, chemistry (that is if you’re a darkroom person), and photo paper. If this is a business for you and not just a hobby then there are a few other costs you have to consider.

Even if you’re not renting studio space, you have the monthly costs of operating out of your home or apartment. You do have to travel to locations to create your work, pick up supplies, and bring your work to the courier or post office for shipping, so there are those expenses like gas, repairs, and oil changes. I’m sure you have insurance on your equipment as well as your home and car and you’ll need to cover those. Don’t forget all those software upgrades so you can keep doing what you do. Those are just a few of the costs you need to think about.”

“Main source of income –

But before you price your prints, you cannot forget the ‘hidden’ costs of running your business. And, more importantly, you want to have a good hard think about the sort of profit you can expect to make. Keeping in mind how much to charge for prints can be challenging, but it’s essential.”

(https://shotkit.com/pricing-photography-prints/)

To professionally price your work, you will probably take into consideration what sells and sell only the best photos. A lot of artists decide to limit amount of album printed copies. Print on demand is also popular option.

 Why printing is such a challenge?

Photographers usually print albums in limited amounts to cut the costs. They need to include labour, data transfer, paper quality variance, print quality options, laminating, shipping and book composition.

The costs add up pretty quickly.

“For a simple answer, a good rule of thumb is to charge customers approximately four times what your total costs equated to”.

(https://shotkit.com/pricing-photography-prints/)

Searching etsy for examples – one of the first results is a 40 pages portfolio of a semi known artist for $88. 

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1516881798/from-exodus-to-genesis-fine-art?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=fine+art+album&ref=sr_gallery-1-89&organic_search_click=1

We can’t forget about the possibility of being sued or fined –  if the artwork is sold directly to customers, photographer will need business license.  Basing on the IRS site:

“An LLC delivers the most flexibility to your art business and puts some much-needed distance between you and your company, protecting you from personal liability in lawsuits.

If you start an LLC, you’ll still technically be self-employed, owe Social Security and Medicare contributions, and pay income tax.

But your personal assets are also protected if the company faces money woes down the line.”

 https://www.irs.gov/businesses/small-businesses-self-employed/limited-liability-company-llc

https://selfgood.com/blog/small-business-license/artist

Part III

Regarding Mark Laita

In this part I will share my view on facts presented by BJ. I strongly recommend you to watch her video, if you still haven’t, as some of my points might appear a little out of contexts without it.

Summary of BJ argument: The first album took a long time to prepare, is hard to buy and really expensive.  

In ‘90 Mark Laita was getting money from advertising (creating mostly for Apple), but his passion project was photographing Appalachia. He had to divide his time between working in LA and traveling to the region. The result of his 8 years of travel there during his spare time was a limited print of the album “Created Equal”.

The reason why the first album is so expensive on ebay, is twofold: limited print around ‘90 and the popularity of Mark Youtube channel. Also, BJ is showing prices for albums that are on sale but aren’t sold yet. It is hard to know if anybody is going to buy them for those prices.   

2. BJ argument: Second and third albums were created in short time and new copies are still available.  

“The Sea” and “The Serpentine” appears to be created just after Laita stopped working for Apple and he could go after other topics full time. I’m assuming photos of fishes and crabs might be less intriguing for wider public. The publisher was also bigger and books were made in time when printing got more digital, less expensive and easier to reproduce.

3. BJ argument: Mark albums have similar topics and are advertised in a cynical way. Mark states that he was bitten by dangerous snake and survived it, despite all odds – which means he is lying on purpose to sell his work.  

Second album was about sea creatures and third one about snakes. Photos have similar style – animals on black background. Could both be made in the same time? Sure, why not? Basing on Mark interviews (one linked below), albums were a result of travelling around the world. Mark probably entered the husbandry environment, got contacted with owners of intriguing species and ended with tones of beautiful pictures. He divided them in two albums. Having two similar books to sell, he needed something to boost sells of “The Serpentine”. He even got a great story to spice thing up a little.     

During one of snake sessions, Mark was bitten by a black mamba, one of the most venomous creatures in the world. Instead of trying to fight for his life, he made a photo of the moment. The fact that the photo was taken then and there suggests that he is a great photographer – he will capture an amazing scene even of cost of his life. He knew that he might die, so why not make something memorable before death? He was done for either way. He survived. Then the black mamba bite and citations of Jung philosophy beside multiple gorgeous photos of snakes were used to advertised the book. – I applaud the grift.

His recently announced album “The Soft Underbelly” will be sold during Christmas – after 3 albums Mark knows when is the best time to sell anything.

4. BJ argument: An LLC for Soft Underbelly was created way ahead of youtube album announcement. It was given, that Soft Underbelly channel will get at least one photo-album – Mark put a lot of time into it. The topic interested him enough to keep going with interviews, even when the channel was demonetized. Taking into account other issues that aroused during the channel existence, having an LLC company was a must. It would help with judicial system if needed and shield him from losing any money not related to the channel. Why the LLC was created in Nevada? No idea. BJ is right pointing it out.

5. BJ argument : The most scandalous interviewee are on the album cover to advertise it. Of course, Mark would include photos stories of the most viewed YT videos on his channel. I just want to point out, that none of the most popular photos are in any way differentiated from others that are included on the cover. You need to know interviewee faces to link it to their scandals.

6. BJ argument : The GoFund me campaigns are shady. The GoFundMe campaigns might be a scam. Not enough info is known to know it for sure though. However, the campaign descriptions clearly state that some of the money goes for Mark directly to support work related with the YT channel. Additionally, in WP article it was pointed out that the donation with a clearly stated recipient, where passed along. One of the interviewed girl said that Laita scammed her, but it looked rather that she used it as a marketing stunt for her new tik-tok account. According to Laita, he shared what she was owned.   

7. BJ argument: Interviews are not proof-checked. If interviewee lies, it isn’t Laita fault. He is not there to squeeze the truth out of people. He isn’t also trained journalist or psychologist. He tries to start people to talk and then gives them space. Does his questions are sometimes loaded? Yes. People met at Skid Row have it tough.  

8. BJ Argument: “I’m not a helping channel” As the WP article states: “Money isn’t curative for the type of trauma someone like Kelly experienced, Powell said. She needs assistance with finding housing, securing employment and attending counseling to help her cope with pain. People like Kelly need a community that consists of professionals and former sex-trafficking survivors to pull her forward,” That is why Mark repeats ad infinitum that he is not a helping channel. He is paying interviewees for a few hours of their time. If someone doesn’t want to answer a question, he changes the subject. He offers them a moment of his full attention, a true concentration on them and their words. He is not objectifying those people more than any article in popular magazine.

9. BJ argument: Mike objectifies people he photographs. I can’t see the objectifying that BJ says Mark is guilty off. The photos show those people like Mike met them on the street or how they appeared for interview. It might be uncomfortable, seeing someone with their boobs out or under the influence of drugs. But Mark isn’t there to offer anything more than a place to vent because he just can’t. He never promised any of them more than he is offering. Moreover, photographers can make uncomfortable photos to show you naked underbelly of our society. Mark is not the only one:

Part IV Conclusion

I’ve added some additional photography background and different perspective for some of BJ points. I have nothing against her conclusion. This is not a piece to change her mind. I wrote it because her video moved me. I also have nothing against Mark Laita. I think he knows how to make an interesting photo. His interviews are usually too triggering for me. I’m not going to buy his album. But I see his action in less critical way.

 Life is hard.

Reader, keep safe and don’t let anyone tell you what to think.

[darklingichor]

Junior Bender books 2-4 by Timothy Hallinan

I read the first book, Crashed, the year I started this blog. I remember liking it, I remember liking the twist on the classic PI story having Junior being a world class burglar, and also being a kind of detective for the underbelly of LA.

I never got around to reading the next ones. Right now though, the weather is making my sinuses do timpani solos and I am having a heck of a time reading words on the page books, outside of dark mode on my kindle app, which doesn’t have anything that sounds good to me right now. Thank goodness for audible. The first 6 books are included in my membership.

Book 2 – Little Elvises – Junior is blackmailed into helping a cop get his mobbed up uncle out of the suspect pool for  a recently murdered tabloid journalist. Blackmail is also how he ended up doing his PI thing in the first book.

The cop threatens to get him arrested for a robbery where one of the residence of the house was pistol whipped. Junior has never been caught, and its not his style to go into a house armed. But the cop has the frame all ready so, Junior takes the job.

The cop’s uncle, was a two-bit record producer in the 1960’s. His specialty was making “Little Elvises” kids with a look and, if he was lucky, some talent, who could ride on The King’s coattails. The producer was talking openly about killing the tabloid guy, and then he ends up dead.

So, Junior has to figure out who killed the guy.

There’s a side case in this one. Junior has been living month to month in different motels since his divorce, his current land lady’s daughter is missing. Essentially Junior is a good guy so he takes this job too.

I like the plot of this a lot. I’m a classic rock geek, and I am somewhat fascinated by how things were done back then.  Like, there was this big stink about the Monkees not playing their own instruments on their albums. The thing is, a fair number of artists in that era used studio musicians. The guys *could* play their instruments (though Micky Dolenz was a guitar player before the show), and they *could* sing. It was just in the contracts that they would use studio musicians.

And Barry Gordie’s Motown , and Phil Specters Wall of sound this stuff was like the Mob only they made their own soundtracks.

The characters are good too. Junior’s ex-wife, and  thirteen year old daughter are interesting, especially because both know everything about Junior’s career. His friend Louie the Lost, is funny and good for some interesting trivia. The players in the cases are sufficiently cloudy to keep you second guessing your conviction of who did it.

Book 3 – The Fame Thief – In the last book, Junior crossed paths with Erwin Dressler, a 90 – something mix between a mob boss and a shady business man. Erwin had a vested interest in the producer guy that was suspected of murder. He then took an interest in Junior, I think because Junior brooked no bullshit, followed through with what he said he was going to do, and is a huge smart ass.

Erwin wants Junior to figure out who ruined the career of a would have been star, in the 50’s/60’s.

Dolly La Mar was a beautiful up and coming actress, but associations with mob guys and thugs got her swept up in a sort of McCarthy hearing without the communism. This completely shut her out of movies. Now, she’s an old woman living in a high end apartment looking back with a shrug at her glory days. She’s putting up with the investigation because Erwin wants to do this for her and they have been friends for decades.

So Junior has to go digging into Hollywood during the studio contract era and find out who ratted out Dolly.

Course its never as simple as all that and various people end up dead.

I’m also a geek for old Hollywood, not so much the movies, but the stories behind the movies and all the players, so I enjoyed the plot for this one too.

The characters are still good, Rina (The daughter) is a great little computer detective and Ronnie, the woman Junior started dating in Little Elvises is a perfect match for him.

Erwin and Dolly are lovely and sad in equal measure, I enjoyed their stories. We are also introduced to the nebulous world of contract killers

I really enjoyed the narritive shift about halfway through where we go back to the 40's when Dolly was a teenager heading west for Hollywood stardom, it sort of reminded me of the section in A Study in Scarlet where you learn the why's behind the crime and are suddenly dropped into a Zane Gray novel.

Book 4 - Herbie's Game

In this one, Junior is dropped into a Labyrinthine plot involving his crime mentor Herbie.

This is hard to describe as spoiler worthy stuff happen within the first couple of chapters. So, I'll say that Junior has to deal with a lot of pissed of people with access to that world of contract killers mentioned in the last book, he also has to face the fact that Herbie, a man Junior thinks of as his father, after his biological father took a powder, isn't the man he thought he was.

I liked this one less. It felt long for reasons I'll get to shortly. It also has too many things happening. Honestly, too many people are pissed off at Junior, or are being paid by the pissed off people to kill Junior. It makes it hard to keep track. Did Junior or Herbie wrong this one, or were they just hired to fuck with them? Or, are they just caught up in the plot somehow?

It wasn't bad, just not as strong as the others.

Now, here's the thing about the series so far as whole.

The characters are cool, the writing is good when it stays focused - but when it doesn't...

The books are told first person by Junior and there are times that both prose and dioluge feel like a Noir sprinkler stuck on blast.

It is so saturated in metaphor and simile that there are times that it feels like the actual story is drowned out by description.

Case in point, in Herbie's Game, when an emotionally drained Junior must walk away from a gruesome scene there is an extended metaphor involving a rope just getting him across the lawn to his car. I didn’t see the actual written page, but it had to be at least a paragraph, but felt like half a page. I get conveying g the emotion of the scene, but this happenens throughout the books. Landscape, houses, and objects are anthropomorphized and described from head to toe, in an oddly sparse, yet by sheer volume, also flowery way. People are also decirbed in detail. Here's the weird part: everything that gets this treatment is almost always described negatively, almost like Junior is prepared to hate everyone and everything on sight and is prepared to give them a bullet list as to why. People he likes? They are described matter of factly and over time. His daughter, his girl friend, his ex-wife, we get bits and pieces, letting their personality inform how the reader perceives them, rather than front loading the reader with descriptions to make damn sure that we know what kind of character this is.

The description of LA and the surrounding areas really makes it feel like Junior hates it with a passion. I mean the only place that I have lived that I would have described in this sort of tone, I didn't live there long.

Because the books are told from Junior’s point of view, the writing feels less like the author is showing off (like Gregory Mcguire) and more like Junior is deeply insecure. He details in Crashed how he is mostly self educated, that college wasn't for him and he reads and learns all the time. All of the quick, snappy quips and the slightly superior sounding descriptions of everyone and everything feel, to me, like a character that is reassuring themselves that they are smart, that they are more than smart, they are wise because of the path they took, that they see what others don't. But deep down they don't believe it.

And this makes me both annoyed with the character and sad for him.

Annoyed because I found myself rolling my eyes more than once, thinking: "I get it, LA is hot and smog filled in August, get to the point!" Or imagining that while Junior takes a page and a half to describe the person he is talking to, he is just staring at them while the person is waiting for him to speak.

Sad because, I know people like this. People who think that because they didn't do the traditional education thing, to be taken seriously and to be seen as smart they have to be cynical and reject anything that isn't a classic. "I wouldn't know of this sci-fi of which you speak, I only read Tolstoy." Type stuff.

It's sad because you don't have to have degrees to be smart and you don't have to be cynical to be wise. And you also don't have to decribe everything in minute detail as though you are looking at it through a lens covered in vomit.

So that part really annoyed me. I think I may continue with the series, because without the purplish writing, they are fun reads.

I may go back to words on the page for the rest, though, because while I liked the narration, there were some odd choices made. Like the voice used for Junior’s daughter's boyfriend ( who is at most 15), sounds like a 45 year old smoker. It makes the relationship feel weird.

[the-melancholy-muse]

Vinyl Moon Volume 101: Stay Curious, Wayfarer

Stay Curious, Brandon

Curious indeed was I. How could this man mix music freshly sung from a mountaintop with music freshly exported from something like ableton or FL Studio and create a solid vibe? Don't know, but HE DID.

I love every beat of this volume.

Listen along with me here. Playlist also available on Spotify.

first impressions...

Artwork is as sweet as it is trippy. Mirrors my college experience in New York's Adirondack Mountains. Hair flowing long, I practically embodied Bob Dylan's "Girl from the North Country".

I admired all things rugged natural, Including the fine, flannel-clad young men dragging from their American Spirits outside my window, their backs hunched from their oversized camping packs. True old-timey mountain-men focusing on expeditionary studies, fresh home from adventures in the wilderness. I befriended many, trusted few, and dare I admit it, deeply loved one.

I'm hoping for a nostalgic dip in the lake of time. It has been ... nearly ten years ... since my diploma arrived in the mail.

Stoked for needle drop.

Volume 101 Listening Log

A1: This intro could be looped for 10 hours, and I’d be there listening. Hand percussion and the slide guitar melody coming in, and I feel like I can just breathe easier. This soundscape has me feeling like I am either in the Adirondacks or maybe the Smokies breathing in fresh mountain air. Maybe I’m in a creek hidden in a forest. I’m a wood nymph. Vibing to this song is as close to meditating as I can get nowadays. Refreshing. Wow. 

A2: Diffused Drums are a strong lead from where we started. They keep a groove with slower guitar and bass. Smooth folk vocals. Obsessed. Layers are layering. More of a groove going now with additional perc sounds and guitar arps. Then they all fade for a semi-solo vocal ending. Damn. Brandon is releasing his smooth operating mother-folkng soul. I’m in heaven here. 6/8 compound time heaven. (Still a wood nymph, btw)

A3: softer acoustic for the intro. We’re veering a bit away from straight folk. This has a punchier bass line, slightly more prominent kit. Minimalist with some shimmering guitar accents and cello trill-ish accents. Love the slight effects on the vocals. The instrumental breaks are light and wavy. Ends how it began.

A4: right in on this one. This feels more traditional. Like a soft flannel you bring camping. I can smell the smoke. Reverb on the typical folk instruments and a piano/organ style filler. Super full sound. Full heart, too.

A5: electronic soundscape. Lo-fi. Pads on pads on pads of atmosphere lead to an unexpected sonic plane for this album. No more ponchos waving about with the windows down. We are not acoustic from the garden, resting our darkened soles. This is slick production. Super relaxing. Usually my type. Drenched in verb, little flute accents. Amazingly well written. Does it throw off the vibe we've had for four other songs? Yeah. Do I love it for maybe a different time? Absolutely. 

B1. The folk band has exited stage left. We are in  beat territory. Still believe it's cohesive, especially after being led by A5.  Percs are at a mid-speed shuffle. Piano trills are all over the place. It's a good representation of an evening walk in the burbs. Early spring, sweet sunset. My brain is wandering off anywhere it wants, or I'm over focused on the new foliage trying to sprout.

B2. We’re thumping. Dull thumping. Like The kick is covered in cloth. The lyrics are super interesting. Little dichotomy here. She's leaving the rural area to hide in the city. Lyrics are giving natural descriptions, and the music is giving slick city vibes. Vocals sounding a little like Elle Goulding. Minimalist electronic accompaniment. Some acoustic trills. Nice blend of opposites.

B3: jangly guitar as the backbone along with one simple hand perc rhythm. Slow and entrancing vocalists with nice synth-string accents. A male-female duet exploring comfort in each other’s arms.  Instrumental break with the guitar and one perc item, adding a shaker. A groove. Ends with the jangly guitar. Nice. This volume is very gentle or very smooth. The jangly vibe is a great addition. 

B4: Super smooooooooooth bass and hurried beep boop perc that almost sounds like crickets. Okay, then. Holy wow the synths that cover and fill are gorgeous. Arpeggios actually keep the balance between smooth filler and some slower kit work. It’s giving ‘Stardew Valley’ at nighttime vibes. Wish it wasn't so short.

B5: THICCCCCCCCCCC wall of sound. Smooth as fuck bass and chordals. Verb drenched choruses. Smart to drop out for verses. Just a crisp kit and vocals. 

B6: Vocal focused. Verry minimal accompaniment here. Little weird, when female vocals enter the guitar follows each syllable. This is kinda funky territory. The verb that intensifies on the vocalists sounds like they are on a cloud. Diffused organ layers. This song has grown so much from the intro, and has totally grown on me. THE WEIRD TRIPPY ENDING THOUGH. 

B7: Super thiccc wall of sound again. Love it. Like squeezing toothpaste. Then the guitar comes in and waves at the distant folk vibes from A side. Smart choices.

SUMMARY

This volume marries two genres that I love independently, and it remains COHESIVE. It will be spinning often, especially when the leaves get crisp. It's a top tier Vinyl Moon release for me.

POTENTIAL CONS

This volume thrives in its inclusion of folk elements. If you cannot tolerate a little twang here and there, or you are an avid hater of anything that sounds remotely "country", this album may not be your favorite.

[celtfather]

St Patrick's Day, Writing Drinking Songs

St Patrick’s Day isn’t just about drinking. But I will tell you the story of how I learned to write drinking songs so you can write your own… just sing along a little more easily.  I share 17 amazing Celtic Bands you should check out for St Patrick’s Day. Learn a green idea for investing in our climate.

This is Sci Fi Pub Songs & Stories #267.

0:22 - Kilted Kings “Ride On” from Flower of Scotland

4:42 - WELCOME TO SCI FI PUB SONGS & STORIES

Happy St Patrick’s Day! I am Marc Gunn. I’m a rhythm and folk Celtic musician living in Atlanta, Georgia. This is the audio edition of my weekly newsletter.

I play traditional Irish and Scottish drinking songs. I also write songs inspired by pop culture, things like Lord of the Rings, Firefly, and Doctor Who. That’s why this is Sci Fi Pub Songs & Stories. But this week, I’m mostly focusing on St Patrick’s Day fun.

5:17 - UPCOMING SHOWS

MAR 17: Little Shop of Stories, Decatur, Ga @ 7:00-7:30 PM, St Patrick’s Day Show with my Family

MAR 18: Pontoon Brewing, Sandy Springs, GA @ 12-3 PM

MAR 18: Ironshield Brewing, Lawrenceville, GA @ 7-10 PM

APR 29: The Lost Druid, Avondale Estates, Ga

JUN 3-10: Celtic Invasion Vacations, County Mayo, Ireland

8:15 - WHAT’S NEW STORY

Studio Days

NPR Tiny Desk Concert performance of “Blink”

15:53 - Marc Gunn & Jamie Haeuser “Johnny I Hardly Knew Ye” from How America Saved Irish Music

19:47 - FEEDBACK

Mitchell Petersen responded to my last newsletter about “Saying No Even If It’s Included”. I said “When I choose fruit and vegetables, I pick the ones that aren’t in plastic bags. I get a little grossed out by putting them on the scanner. But then I wash them when I get home.”

He responded: “FYI, we have these bags for fruits and veggies at the grocery store and they are awesome and you don't need to use the plastic bags OR have to put your stuff straight in the basket”

21:08 - One of the best things about Dragon Con…

21:55 - DOWNLOAD MY FREE EP

You can download all of my songs in this show. Just send me an email.  pubsong@ celtfather

You will get an auto responder with a link to download this month’s album. You can also subscribe to the podcast if you’re not already subscribed. It’s quick and easy.

While you’re emailing me to get your free EP, let me know what you’re doing while listening to this episode.

24:08 - Jiggy “King of the Faeries” from Translate

New video: “Fiery Arrow”

27:21 - STORY OF THE CAT CAME BACK… THE CAT’S PERSPECTIVE

I learned how to write a drinking song thanks to “The Cat Came Back… The Cat’s POV”.

First, let me point out, a drinking song isn’t about alcohol. It’s a song with a fun, easy-to-sing chorus. Sometimes it’s interactive.

“Wild Rover” has claps in the chorus. “Rattlin’ Bog” and “The Unicorn Song” have a whole bunch of motions that act out the lyrics. “Seven Drunken Nights” and “Big Strong Man” have phrases that the audience shouts back at the singer. These were the songs I was thinking of when I wrote the cat’s perspective of a famous folk song.

I never liked “The Cat Came Back.” It was cruel and I love cats. So I decided to rewrite the song using the melody of “The Moonshiner”. But I wanted to make it a call-and-response song. So I added “Ka-Boom”, “Gurgle” and more to the end of the verses. But when I finally decided to play it live, I had NO idea how to get the audience to interact with the song.

Eventually, I taught the audience the 5 different responses (five, really? What was I thinking?). I introduce each exclamation before the verse. But it’s still difficult to get them involved.

If you want to write a drinking song, keep it simple. One call and response throughout is best. Teach it at the beginning of the song. “Slainte Mhaith” is a great drinking song. It has an easy-to-sing chorus. But it also has a super easy call-and-response.

“When I sing slainte mhaith, you shout it back to me. Slainte mhaith! [Slainte mhaith]”.

Sometimes you learn to do something the easy way. With this song, I learned what not to do. Ah well. Live and learn.

Here’s the lyrics to “The Cat Came Back… The Cat’s Perspective”:

I was a crazy cat for many a year, My years are advancing. Now I sleep in my chair. But old Mr. Johnson still wants me to play If I don’t get active, he’ll send me away.

I’m a yellow tabby, kinda flabby. And I’m coming home. And if you don’t like me, then leave me alone! I’ll eat when I’m hungry. I’ll sleep when I’m tired. And if you try to wake me, you’ll wish you had died.

His neighbor ambushed me with shotgun and dynamite. My cat senses warned me. So I put up a fight. I clawed at his cigarette. It fell to the floor. It lit the dynamite as I ran out the door. KA-BOOM!

He gave me to a boy with a dollar and a note To drown me in the river when we were afloat. I saw the rope come towards me and let out a yowl. The boat tipped on over. The poor boy was drowned. GURGLE!

He gave me to a man going up in a balloon. I clung to his head. I am no buffoon. The man tried to free me, but then lost control. I stole his parachute as he crashed ‘gainst a knoll. KER-SPLAT!

He took me to the mill where the meat was ground. He left off the lights, so I wouldn’t look around. But I saw that food processor come closer to me, I jumped to the floor. He tripped bloodily. CRUNCH!

Mr. Johnson, Mr. Johnson, I know you hate me, But I have nine lives and you haven’t even three. Blessed are the cat lovers. Blessed are all kitties So love me or leave me alone for to sleep. PURR

32:22 - Marc Gunn “The Cat Came Back… The Cat’s Perspective” from Irish Drinking Songs for Cat Lovers

35:34 - JOIN THE CLUB

The show is brought to you by my Gunn Runners on Patreon. If you enjoy this podcast or my music, please join the Club. Every week, you get bonus podcasts, downloadable songs, printed sheet music, blogs, or stories from the road. Plus, you get weekly access to my Coffee with The Celtfather video concerts. Sign up for as little as $5 per month and save 15% with an annual membership. Thanks to my newest Gunn Runners on Patreon: Alice M, Karla A, Triskele, Ayden B

36:07 - 17 CELTIC BANDS FOR ST PATRICK’S DAY

Whether you’re a die-hard Celtic music fan or your interest tends to heat up more around St. Patrick’s Day, we have a band for you! We’ve assembled 17 of them here for you to add to your holiday playlist, or to check out in your spare time. Each of them has earned a spot on the list because they have something special to offer, so take a listen—and enjoy!

Read the blog.

44:16 - CLIP: Poitin “Dirty Old Town” from One For the Road

47:57 - Poitin “The Knife in the  Bread” from One For the Road

52:01 - INVESTING IN A GREEN ST PATRICK’S DAY

It’s fascinating how creative people are when it comes to finding innovative new ways to combat climate change. One of the more creative is through banking.

The fossil fuel industry is funded by investors. What happens if investors refuse to invest in them because they don’t want to support the fossil fuel industry? We will see greener energy.

There’s a campaign in the U.K. asking people to green their investments. Thinking about that I just migrated to a new Mutual Fund so that my money no longer supports Fossil Fuels.

Yeah. My small mutual fund will not make a huge difference. But imagine if just you and I made this change and we had the exact same amount in our pension?

What if 10 other people on my mailing list did the same? Or 30? Multiply your pension times 30 and we start to make a real impact.

That’s really what it takes. It takes each of us being aware and making small changes to force banks to stop investing in fossil fuels and start investing in the health of our planet.

55:18 - Marc Gunn “St Patrick Never Drank” from Kilted For Her Pleasure

57:34 - ALBUM GIVEAWAY CONT…

59:32 - Marc Gunn “Wild Mountain Thyme” from The Bridge

1:04:13 – CREDITS

Thanks for listening to Sci Fi Pub Songs & Stories. The show is brought to you by my Gunn Runners on Patreon. Every week, you’ll get a new podcast or song or video or video concert. You’ll also save 25% off all my merch in my store. The show was edited by Mitchell Petersen with graphics by Miranda Nelson Designs.

You can subscribe and listen to the show wherever you find podcasts. Sign up to my mailing list to read the show notes for this episode and find out where I’m performing.

And of course, please tell one friend about this podcast. Word of mouth is the absolute best way to support any creative endeavor.

Have fun and sing along at www.pubsong.com!

#pubstories #jiggy #poitin

Check out this episode!

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

Since the Live 95.5 YouTube videos have gone private, I’ll repost some of the interview.

• Liam Ridgewell from the Portland Timbers gave Louis a personalized team shirt.

• The interviewer, @EricZ, reminded Louis that he was the goalie for MTV’s Summer in the City 2017 when Louis kicked soccer balls at him. Louis replied, “That clip came back on my timeline recently, yeah. You were a brave man, a brave man that day. You're the first goalkeeper I've seen wear a helmet, I will say that.”

• Louis talked about how deadlines impose on his songwriting creativity. “Let's say I was going into the studio tomorrow and you turn up at midday and you've got the studio booked until 7. It all of a sudden feels like... work. And it kinda changes the creative feel. Sometimes if you go on a writing camp you might be staying for 2 or 3 days in a house & it means you can write freely & when you want to. Through my experience, the writing feels more authentic because you're not searching for it & you (don't) need to find the song in the next 6 hrs. You’ve got time to develop those thoughts.”

• Louis on a must-need to travel with for tour, “I don't really have anything like that. Maybe my Playstation, that's about it. I bring it in my rucksack. It’s heavy though, man. It's heavy.” He mentions playing Fifa and NBA the most.

• Louis on his best tour show/ memory with Sun Room, “Probably, erm, there was a show, I’m tryna remember which. Was it here in Portland? [crowd cheers ‘yes’] The one where we fucked them up, and we ran on [makes a gesture wrapping tape around them], yeah! Are you sure that’s the show? You know better than me.” [note: it was actually CDMX night 3.]

• Louis on how he’d like to spend a birthday, “Don’t know, maybe go out to football, then probably a big night out. Simple as that, easily pleased.”

• On Faith in the Future songs he most looks forward to performing live, “A song called ‘Silver Tongues’, it’s gonna be really fun live. There’s another song ‘Out Of Your System’, you’ve not heard that either. Out of the ones you’ve heard, I reckon ‘Written All Over Your Face’.”

• On the choice to make deluxe editions of FitF, “With every record I make, I never wanna put any filler on there, I wanna make it clinical. So with ‘Walls’ I didn’t have as many great songs to choose from. That’s why it was a bit shorter than this one. I kind of knew what I wanted to do on this record, so I just had more songs, and I didn’t wanna cut some of the ones that I love so that’s the good thing about the deluxe, you can just keep adding. On the first record, I had this thing where I didn’t wanna make an album that’s got 16 tracks. Cuz in my head at the time, being close-minded I was like, it’s cool to do a 10-12 song kinda thing. But no, you lot just want it all!”

• On how his songwriting has evolved, “I think every song you write, you learn a bit about your own songwriting. You pick up info from other people you collab with. It’s cliché, as I’ve got older and more experienced as a writer, there’s more maturity in my lyrics.”

• On being satisfied with the final form of his songs, “You can get to like 95% [on most songs] and then you can spend forever trying to find that extra 5%. We’re all perfectionists as songwriters, so at some point you just have to let it go.”

• On the musicians for the next tour, “My usual band that I play with, and then for the slightly bigger shows we’ll have a little string section. Always adds a lot having the string section! [String section, is that four people?] I think eight?”

• When asked whether he would include any old songs in deluxe editions, or consider using them later, Louis said he didn’t think he would. He has no time now to revisit old material because he’s too busy with the new stuff. (x)

[freshthoughts2020]

"POP WAS THE KING OF NEW YORK, NOW I'M THE ONE IN CHARGE"

"POP WAS THE KING OF NEW YORK, NOW I'M THE ONE IN CHARGE"

February 18, 2022

The King of New York is one of the most controversial titles in hip hop. Even Nas once said “There's more shit than wanting to be this King of New York shit”. However its still one of the most coveted titles in hip hop because New York was once the mecca of hip hop (which we all know is Atlanta now). There has been many kings of NY, including but not limited to: B.I.G., Hov, 50, just to name a few but for a while that title went void and almost became meaningless. With Atlanta currently having their foot, hand, and Draco on the rap game’s neck, New York didn’t have a true hometown hero they could rally behind for the masses because most NY artists had to keep up with the modern sound to stay relevant.

I.YOU CANNOT SAY POP AND FORGET THE SMOKE!

Then came along the Canarsie MC, POP SMOKE. Pop had all the makings of a superstar and was clearly getting ready to be the undisputed king of NY Hip Hop due to being a pioneer of Brooklyn Drill + His aura that was reminiscent of Get Rich or Die Tryin’ 50. When Pop met his untimely demise it felt like once again the King of NY seat would be empty for a while. Lil TJay snuck in some hits, Kay Flock is leading the charge in the Bronx, but are they King of NY material? Who knows beloved. But there is one name that had the potential to take the throne and that is frequent Pop Smoke collaborator and fellow Brooklynite, Fivio Foreign.

II.VIRAL

Fivio may have seem like another notch on the belt which is drill rap but then he got the biggest feature on the critically acclaimed, DONDA album by Kanye West. The track “Off the Grid” which also features Playboi Carti, gives Fivio Foreign the most blatant headstart for a musical run, since 2chainz on “Mercy”. Once the beat switches to the signature Drill slider synth, Fivi goes off for probably 32+ bars of simple but effective lyrics.

That Fivi verse on Off the Grid put him on a whole new radar, next thing you know features everywhere! Also, most of the songs are being tailored to him so he can give that same crushing flow from ”Off the Grid”. Once he dropped “City of Gods” w/ Alicia Keys & Ye, he officially made his claim for the throne,

“Pop was the king of New York, Now I’m the n***** in charge”.

Ok! we all know you have to say it first before we believe it right?! So once he said that he officially placed himself under extreme scrutiny. At this point, we know Fivi is the best doing drill rap right now but what would he have to do to take that King of NY title? A Lot!! He has to have people wanna emulate him, his presence has to be everywhere, but most imporantly that first album has to be a classic!!!

Beyond this point is where I acquired new info for the article after its original written date.

III.B.I.B.L.E. TALK

Fivio Foreign dropped his debut studio album, B.I.B.L.E., April 8, 2022. Let me be the first to say the album is……NOT a classic. It starts off cool and he tries to step out on certain songs but it just don’t capture you like it should. Its definitely a strong debut I would say because he can only go up from here but now we have to ask, can he go up from here? Was “Off the Grid” just a moment? B.I.B.L.E. was apparently executive produced by Kanye but is it or me is it hard to see his(Ye) input on this? With all the hype around the album it felt like we should’ve been given way more.

While Fivi’s debut wasn’t bad its not a undisputed instant classic that it should’ve been for a person who claims to be “King of New York”. The throne is still up for grabs in my humble opinion. Who is worthy of it though? Will it be another new young up and comer or will Fivi make me eat my words and take the necessary steps to become the king he wants to be?

Follow me on twitter @onlyonejaevonn

Visit gettothecorner.com

[httphopewrld]

I Don’t Know What to Call This | (f/m/a)

Just Friends? Friends with benefits? Dating? Questions swarmed your mind when one of your dear friends, Allie, asked about you and Hoseok’s relationship. The truth was you didn’t know. You and Hoseok were close, knowing each other since elementary school, and considered each other friends. However, as you two grew older, maturing into separate professions—you a well-known fashion designer, and Hoseok a famous musician and dancer—you two had engaged in some intimate activities (sex—lots of it.) After Allie’s simple question, you had to confront your feelings. But were you and Hoseok ready to be more than close friends and f*ck buddies?

Pairing: friend/lover/bfhoseok! x female reader

Genre: slowburn fluff and SMUT

Rating: 18+ because there’s swearing and pretty detailed smut

Warnings: swearing and SMUT (one of the most detailed smuts I've written, and there's more than one sex scene.) Smut includes: switch!reader and switch!hoseok, grinding and thrusting, protective sex (USE CONDOMS, I cannot stress that enough), lots of kissing, ass-grabbing, dirty talk, a wee bit of choking on both sides, squirting, male and female oral, fingering and handjobs, vibrator use, cyber-sex, the reader uses dildo, slight degradation, and just lots of filth—YOU'RE WELCOME FELLOW FILTHY ANIMALS. Oh, and spoilers for the horror movie Hush. It's on Netflix if you haven't watched it yet. It is GOOD.

  Word Count: 16, 465 (wowie)

A/N: Thank you for waiting! It’s rushed, so expect some little mistakes here an there, but I’m happy with how it turned out. I hope y'all enjoy it! Also, Y/L/N means "your last name."

  Taglist: @kirbykook​ @kleritata​ @taestannie​ @jenotation​ @hemmos-obrien​ @zeharilisharaban​ @speed-of-wind​ @kawaisoraya​

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

“You can move those over there,” you gestured to the left corner of the windowed room, where a pile of boxes waited. The move was going to take longer than you expected because the movers arrived a week later than your assistant, Rachel said. I really need to talk to her about this. You stressed in your mind, rubbing your temples. “Are you okay?” You looked up, vision resuming its focus on your friend, Allie. Allie, your friend for as long as you could remember, offered to help you move to your new building. She would help you manage everything, including the movers, tracking your company's items, and the layout you gave to her for said things while managing the company. “I’m just irritated at Rachel,” you noticed her confusion, “my new assistant.” She nodded, remembering, “Right. Why is she still employed?” “Because she’s new, and being an assistant is a tough feat. She’ll get it soon.” You reassured, “Rachel is a fast learner, and this is her first mistake. We’re prepared for the next show, though, because Westley's helping me organize it.” “Remind me who Westley is?” Allie asked. You sighed. “West is like my second brain. He helps organize the fashion shows, hire the models, find the venues, and secure the guest list. He has other people help him too, but he’s the brains of that. I create the fashion, and he finds a way to present it.” Allie nodded, “Gotcha.” Your phone rang, and you answered. “Y/N.” “Y/N!” Rachel chimed on the other end. “It’s Rachel. I’m so sorry about the mix-up on dates. It won’t happen again, I—” “I know it won’t, Rachel. You’re new, so I expected to slip up. I’ve gotten it taken care of,” you nudged Allie’s arm, and she smiled. “We’re luckily prepared for the next show in Vancouver, so you don’t have to worry about the mess up. All I need you to do now is make sure that my fabrics are coming in.” “Yes! They’ve arrived at the studio.” Rachel replied. "Fantastic. Thank you. That'll be all for now. Check on West if he needs anything." You ordered. “Will do, Y/N. Talk to you soon.” You hung up. The Vancouver show was in five months, giving you and your team enough time to design the clothes for the production and move to the new building. The show's theme was natural bodies of water and nature, a nod to Canada's landscape. The clothing catalogue would include various icy blue shades to represent waterfalls and warm emerald tones like flora and fauna. These colours would be encapsulated in elegant gowns and suits, worn by different body shapes, genders, and colours. The materials would be made from recycled fabrics from your previous shows and from your fellow artists. You were known for designing elegant attire, so it was best to keep to it. However, it was rare to see different sized, coloured, and gendered models on a runway; because of having to customize clothes to those models. Additionally, making clothes from recycled fabrics would be tough. “Okay,” you began, “I need to talk to my design team and plan out the gowns. Can I leave you here to deal with the movers?” Allie gave you a thumbs up. “Thank you,” you smiled, hugging her, “if you need anything, please call me or Rachel, or both. We’ll be back to help.” Before you left, a thought struck you. You turned around to face Allie. “I should just hire you.” She chuckled, “Why?” You scoffed, "Because you're here all the time!" You walked back to her. "Listen, you're the best manager I know. You can be my third brain. You already are, outside of work, so it would make sense." Allie seemed unsure. “I already have my job at Youth and Hope.” You grasped her hands. “You would be given a great wage, not just because you’re my best friend, but because you’re going to be busy with lots of work. You would be handling the management tasks, like West. You’d be given a good amount of vacation, trips for shows and meetings would be paid for—you could get that loft you always wanted downtown.” You wiggled your eyebrows, and Allie laughed. “Don’t I have to go through an interview process?” You brushed a hand through the air. “I can get someone to interview you and officially hire you. Once that’s done, you’ll start getting paid.” You checked your watch, and a quick rush of panic ran through you. “Shit, I’m going to be late. Consider it, alright! Let me know your availability, and we’ll schedule an interview!” “Okay!” She shouted back as you left. . . The coffee had become bitter. You weren’t sure if it was the roast or the fact that this was your fourth cup of the night. It had been a month since the fabrics arrived. Thanks to Allie, your friend and now employee, your move to the new building was complete; however, your designs weren’t translating as smoothly as you wish. "Fuck," you cursed, resting your head in your hands and rubbing your temples. The sketches waited in front of you—the measurements and ideas raking at your confidence. Your designs are redundant. You’ve done something similar last time.                                                                       Boring. Plain. You turned back to your mannequins, still bare. The theme was in your mind, and your design team reassured you that your sketches were fine, but it all felt fuzzy. “Y/N,” Rachel peered into the studio from the door, “there’s a gentleman here to see you.” “His name?” You asked, still looking at the mannequins. You heard footsteps retreat into the front lobby, then come back to the door. “Jung Hoseok?” You turned around, trying to contain your excitement. “Please send him in.” Rachel nodded, jogging back to the lobby. You heard a muffled “thank you” before heavy footsteps approaching your studio. Hoseok reached the doorway, beaming his signature smile. He wore acid-washed jeans, a baggy white sweater that matched his chunky light sneakers. His dark hair was slightly wavy and parted in the middle. A tote bag was slung over his shoulder. “Y/N!” He cheered, opening his arms wide. “Hoseok!” You replied, running into his arms and hugging him tightly. You couldn’t remember the last time you saw Hoseok—a year or two? “Fuck, how long has it been?” You asked him. He pulled away, thinking. “About six months?” Totally off. “Seriously, it felt longer than that.” You argued. Hoseok pulled out his phone and scrolled through his calenderer and photos. He made a ‘tsk’ sound. “Ah, see here,” he showed you a few photos of you two with his friends, who were also his bandmates, “six months ago, you joined us on tour for a couple days before coming back here. I have it also marked in my calendar.” He showed you the dates, which were marked with ‘💚Y/N’s visit💚.’ “Can Namjoon or Yoongi confirm this?” You crossed your arms. Hoseok mimicked your body language. “I can call them right now,” he challenged. You two stood in competitive tension. You succumbed. “You win this time, Jung Hoseok.” He playfully chuckled. You realized that Hoseok doesn’t live around here. “Wait, why are you in town. Shouldn’t you and the others be in Korea planning another album or something?” You speculated. “Our company gave us a month for vacation because we spent most of the year touring.” Hoseok sighed. “So, I decided to come to visit.” You hugged him again, happy to see someone who wasn’t your employee amidst this chaos of stress. “How long are you staying?” You asked, muffled against his chest. He paused. “Maybe a month?” You pulled away from him, shocked. “A month? Here? That’s all your vacation time.” “Yeah,” he replied, as if that wasn’t a big deal, “I didn’t want to travel to a bunch of places because the group and I have been doing that for almost a year—and it’s pretty chill in this area.” He sighed. “Besides, I don’t think many people would recognize me. The airport wasn’t busy, and I haven’t been swarmed by fans yet.” “Do you have a place to stay?” You asked. He nodded. “Yup! I’m staying at a fancy hotel. I got the suite at the top floor,” he made a gesture with his hand, indicating how high up his suite was. You playfully elbowed his side. "Wow, look at you, Mr. Famous. You can afford a top suite now. Are you sure you don't want to stay with me, though?” Hoseok dismissed your offer with a wave of his hand. “It’s alright, Y/N. Thank you, though.” He peered over your shoulder, “It looks like you’re busy anyway, so I think I’ll just stick to my suite.” He walked past you, over to the bare mannequins. “Are you preparing for that show in Vancouver that you told me about?” You nodded, relaying your theme and ideas to him. He smiled. “That sounds really cool,” he pointed to the mannequins, “but don’t you need some clothes for the show, then?” You rolled your eyes, chuckling at him for being a smart ass. “Yes, I do. I’m brainstorming some ideas right now, but I’m coming up with nothing. I have the design team coming in tomorrow with drafts, but I’d like to bring my own thing to the table, you know? I’m the main brain of this operation, and it’d be embarrassing if I come in with zilch.” You leaned against one of the tables, facing the mannequins. "The tough part is designing gowns that fit the right people, you know. Sure, you can make a collection of clothes, but they won't look good if they don't fit the models." You shook your head. "Maybe it's just tougher to design clothes for different bodies. I should just stick to one type of person and leave it at that." Hoseok walked up beside you, leaning against the same table and facing the figures. “Why don’t you find the models and then design the clothes?” You looked at him, surprised. “But wouldn’t that take a long time?” He crossed his arms, “Well, how many models would you need?” “We’re thinking around seventy. There’s going to be two changes within the show.” Hoseok nodded, and you could see him brainstorming. “Well, you have four months left, right? You and your team can make some drafts, cast the models, and finalize the ideas with said models. Which would take about a couple of months? You could do that while planning the show?” He paused, appearing to notice your hesitant expression. “Think about it. You’ve trained your team well enough to work on its own, right? That’s what you did for your last show, which was a success. You came in every day for a couple hours to make sure everything was in order, then focused on other things.” Hoseok grasped your hands. “You’re great at multitasking, so do it. It’s scary, but you can check on people every day to make sure everything’s alright.” You bit your lip, “I-I don’t know, Hoseok. That sounds like a lot of work—” “You did it last time, and it worked out just fine,” he gently squeezed your hands, “and I’m here for a month. I can help out whenever you need me. I’ll simply clean things up and fetch coffee if that’s what you need.” You laughed, “Like my intern?” “Yeah! I don’t know how to design anything or plan a fashion show, but I’ll do what I can.” He smiled. “You’re so much more than you think, Y/N, and if you need reminders, I’ll be here.” You smiled back at him, so grateful to have him here. “My god, you’re fucking sweet,” you scoffed, taking your hands out of his. Hoseok laughed. You pushed yourself off the table and faced him. “How did we even become friends?” You questioned. He actually gave it a thought. “You joined by dance club in elementary school, when no one else would.” He laughed so hard that he teared up. “I think we actually took club photos, and it was only you and I posing.” You laughed with him, remembering those days spent trying to breakdance to hip hop and presenting dance routines to your parents. “Yeah, that was before you joined that Music Academy in grade four, right?” He nodded, and you sighed, surprised you still remembered. Your mind came back to the present. “So, you’re actually okay with helping out?” You checked. “Why would I ask if I didn’t want to?” Hoseok replied. You tapped your index finger against your temple, “true.” “So, how much do you want?” Hoseok looked offended at your question. You chuckled. “Well, you’re going to work for me, so I need to pay you.” “It’s only just a month, though.” “Yeah, but—” “What about we see how much you have me do before you pay me?” He interrupted. “I might just have to fetch coffee, so you can just give me money on the spot.” You thought about it for a minute. Hoseok yawned. “This work talk is making me tired. Do you want to go out for dinner?” He looked around you, “Unless you have more work to do. I can always wait in the lobby for you to finish.” You brushed your hand through the air, “Nah, it’s okay. I’m pretty brain dead anyway. I need to be energized for tomorrow’s draft review.” Hoseok pushed himself off the table and clapped. “Awesome! Where do you think I’m taking you for dinner?” You bit your lip, trying to guess. “Sushi?” “Sushi it is!” He beamed. You grabbed your things and followed him out of the studio.

Both of you sat towards the back of the sushi restaurant, to Hoseok’s request. The waitress placed you two in a concealed booth, with drapes covering a small entrance.

You two had to take your shoes off before sitting down.

“Why did you say, ‘sushi it is?’” You asked, taking a sip of your water.

Hoseok opened his can of sprite, “What do you mean?”

“You asked where I thought you were taking me, I responded, and you said, ‘sushi it is!’” You reiterated.

He took a sip of his soda before responding, "It's a trick I learned from Instagram." He set his drink down. "You ask someone, 'where do you think I'm taking you for food?' dinner or whatever, and then take them to a place with that food. It's easier than asking 'what do you want to eat?' because people can't decide."

You nodded, making an ‘aaahhh’ sound. “Smart.”

You two caught up while eating your meals. Hoseok chatted about his bandmates and the tour, and you talked about your move to the new building.

Most of it was just adding more details about your lives because you two texted lots during the week and sometimes video chatted. You'd get to see Hoseok and his friends, and he'd get a view of your life on the other side of the world.

To others, it looked like both of you were dating. Both of your friends would tease, singing, "Y/N and Hoseok sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G." Many of his fans, ARMY, would theorize your friendship, pointing out the matching bracelets you two wore—which was later proved normal because Hoseok went live on Vlive making bracelets for his bandmates.

And you two would continually clarify that you two were strictly long-time friends. Nothing more.

Girls and boys can be friends. Simple as that.

You and Hoseok finished your meals. You two shared a few rolls and a bento box and were full.

“That was really good.” You commented, rubbing your stomach.

Hoseok chuckled, copying you, “I think I’m pregnant.”

You laughed, “Shut up! You’re so fit.”

“You’re right,” he replied, pulling up his sleeves and flexing his arms.

You both laughed as he flexed his muscles, which were significantly more prominent than your remembered. You were slightly jealous of his lean athletic figure.

And were gazing at it for too long.

“I don’t know about you,” Hoseok sighed, appearing to be tired from the food and flexing his muscles, “but I’m in the mood for some Ben and Jerry’s.”

Your eyes lit up. “YES.”

“Cookie dough with chunks?” You both said in unison.

You two erupted in laughter.

"I'll go play," Hoseok said, getting up.

You stopped him, “It’s alright,” you smiled, “my treat.”

Before you left the booth, you turned around and said thoughtfully, "But you're getting the ice cream."

Hoseok's expression conveyed the same seriousness as if a soldier on a mission.

He saluted you. “Copy that, Y/N.”

You saluted him back and left to pay.

The walk to Ben and Jerry’s was quick. Both of you were eager to share the tub of ice cream.

You ended up getting a chocolate chip cookie dough and a cherry Garcia pint, and two spoons to share. You both ate the ice creams with delight while walking back to your apartment building.

When arriving at your building, Hoseok handed you the cookie dough ice cream pint.

“What are you doing?” You asked while he gave you the closed pint.

He tilted his head to the side, confused. “What do you mean? I’m dropping you off at your place.”

You gave a shocked expression. “Dropping me off? We’re not even done our pints!”

“But you have work tomorrow. I don’t want to keep you up.” Hoseok stepped back towards the edge of the sidewalk. “I can catch a cab back to the hotel, don’t worry.”

You balanced the pints in one hand and used your other to grab his arm.

“You’re not going anywhere,” you said, pulling away from the curb and closer to your building.

Hoseok pulled his arm out of your grip. "Y/N, you need to be well-rested—"

“At least help me finish the ice cream.” You interrupted, holding up the pints that were now in both your hands, along with your spoon.

“We haven’t seen each other six months, and it’s only…”

Hoseok pulled out his phone. “Nine.”

“Exactly!” You expressed. “It’s only nine. I don’t need to be in until nine-thirty tomorrow morning. As long as you’re out by eleven, that gives me an hour to get ready for bed at twelve, and I will wake up at eight. Plenty of rest!”

You watched his unsure expression.

"If you don't want to go home at eleven, that's fine by me. Could you leave earlier? Or you can go back to your hotel if you want. I won't take offence; you know me." You held up your arms in surrender, ice cream pints still in your hands. "But if you're leaving because you're worried that I won't get enough sleep, don't. I'm a grown woman. I know how to take care of myself, and I want you to come in.

Hoseok bit his lip, appearing to debate the offer.

He sighed. "Fine, I'll come in. However, I don't want to get a text from you complaining about being tired in the morning."

“I swear,” you promised, pretending to draw an ‘x’ over your heart, “I cross my heart.”

Hoseok chuckled, and you led the two of you into your apartment building and into the elevator. You pressed the twentieth button, and you two waited in comfortable silence.

The elevator doors opened, and you two walked to your apartment.

You opened the door to your studio apartment, locking the door behind you two and hanging up your bag along with your keys.

“Want anything to drink?” You asked, setting down the ice cream pint in your hand and taking off your coat.

Hoseok set down the cookie dough pint on the coffee table. “Anything is alright, thanks,”

You hummed, getting both of you bottles of black cherry soda and bringing over the cherry Garcia pint and your spoon.

"Jesus, do you need help?" Hoseok asked with worry, seeing you holding the bottles by their necks in one hand and the ice cream pint and spoon in the other.

You chuckled, “It’s alright, just sit down.”

You two sat on the couch, twisting off the caps on your sodas and taking a sip.

Hoseok sighed. “That’s really good,” he gestured to the pop before putting it down on the coffee table.

“Yeah! They’re so addictive,” you replied, setting coasters under both of your drinks.

Both of you continued to reminisce about your childhood, especially middle school. The puberty years had been gruesome to you two, speckling your faces with acne.

You pulled out a photo album you kept on one of your bookshelves, which had pictures of your families and your younger selves—even photos when Hoseok was training, before debuting with BTS in 2013.

“Oh my god, look at you!” You gasped, showing him a picture.

In the photo, Hoseok arms were crossed over his chest, his attempt at having swagger. He wore a collared shirt, and his hair was short.

“Oh god, no,” Hoseok cringed, gently pushing the photo away.

You chuckled, "You were so adorable, always dancing and having a good time." You smiled. "You are such a hard worker, practicing so much. I remember you twisting your ankle but still practicing."

You looked at him tenderly. “I wish people could see that.”

Hoseok smiled back at you, softly touching your hand. You grasped his hand, feeling butterflies in your stomach.

He was the first to pull away.

“You remember our sleepovers?” He asked.

You giggled, "Yeah when you could leave that cramped place you shared with the boys."

He swatted your arm, “That apartment was good! It was where everything started.” He pouted. “Anyways, we would always look up deep questions to ask each other—or would you rather.”

You rolled your eyes. “Those questions were overrated.”

“I thought they were nice!” Hoseok defended. “We got to know each other more, like, ‘what is your biggest fear?’ or ‘what is your biggest pet peeve?’”

He must've seen your unimpressed expression because he continued, "You got to admit that you learned a bit more about me because of those questions!"

You sighed. “I did, I guess.”

Hoseok held up his index finger, seeming to signal ‘wait a minute.’

He pulled out his phone. “Let’s try some now, then.”

“Hoseok—”

“Come on,” he interrupted. “If you don’t learn anything new about me from the first four questions we do, then we can stop, alright? I will never bring up these questions ever again.”

You debated his offer.

“Fine.” You agreed, setting down the photo album. “Shoot.”

“Okay, but we both pick two questions and answer all of them. For example, when we ask a question, the other person answers before the picker.” Hoseok said while he scrolled.

You hummed, understanding his instructions.  

“Want to do would you rather?”

“Sure.”

"Sexy edition?" Hoseok wiggled his eyebrows. "Unless you're uncomfortable."

You scoffed. “Hobi, we're grown, adults. I can take a few sexual questions."

“Okay,” Hoseok replied, “but if you ever feel uncomfortable, we can choose another question or stop.”

You nodded, and Hoseok appeared to find what he was looking for.

“Alright,” he began, “would you rather bite someone’s ear during sex or bite someone’s lip during sex?”

This is pretty vanilla. You thought.

"Lip, for sure." You emphasized the 'sure' in your sentence, stringing along with the 'er' sound.

“Same,” Hoseok agreed while passing you his phone.

You took his cell and strolled through the website.

What do I choose? Do I just dive in, or go for the vanilla shit?

“Would you rather engage in foreplay or go right into the main course?” You asked.

Hoseok thought about it. “I would say foreplay. You can warm things up—and nothing is more fun than teasing.” He shimmied, making you two laugh.

You agreed, passing the phone to him.

“Oooo, here’s a classic,” he grinned, “top or bottom?”

“I think I’m a switch,” you replied.

He tilted his head.

“It’s like, you’re both, top and bottom. I like to take control sometimes, but I can also sub.” You explained. “You?”

“Top,” he replied, “for sure.”

You laughed, “You sound so against being a bottom.”

He laughed too. “I like pleasuring the person I’m having sex with. Nothing is more satisfying than making someone cum.”

“True,” you admitted.

You found your mind wandering to unholy memories of you and Hoseok. What was odd about your friendship that—to put it blatantly—you two had sex. Not just once, but a few times.

This is why asking these questions was pretty casual and not too surprising.

You two started engaging in sex a couple years ago. You were stressed about your company starting, and Hoseok was in town. He offered to help you relax, and before you knew it, he was drilling into you from behind.

Both of you agreed to stay friends but continued to have sex every now and then. It was great, you had to admit. Probably the best sex you had in your life, and it was good that you two were able to keep your friendship platonic at the same time. Only, it was sex without the romantic feelings.

To be honest, you were craving it again.

He passed you his phone again, and you tried to pick a good last question.

“Would you rather kiss me gently or kiss me aggressively?” You asked.

Hoseok paused before answering. “Depends on the mood.”

“Well, at this moment, then, what is the mood?”

You watched Hoseok’s eyes shift between your lips then your eyes.

“Aggressively.”

You hummed. “Good to know.” You passed him back his phone. “Last question.”

Hoseok chuckled, “You seriously didn’t learn anything new?”

You shrugged. “I guess not.”

He didn't seem bothered, though, when his body shifted closer to yours.

When he looked back up at you, his expression changed. Although his eyes were already an opaque shade of brown, they had darkened.

I know that look.

He smirked. “Would you rather make the first move or receive the first move?”

You bit your lip, gazing up at his body.

Before you could reconnect with his eyes, you heard his phone drop, and his lips were on yours.

Just like his answer, his kisses were aggressive and needy. You could taste the cherry cola and ice cream on his lips and mouth.

You pulled his face closer, wanting more.

Hoseok’s body language opened up, allowing you to get up and straddle his lap. You felt his hands inch up your shirt and tug at the fabric. He helped you take it off, which gave him access to your breasts.

You felt him undo your bra with a quick flick of his fingers, and you tossed it off without a care.

Hoseok let out a chuckle before claiming your lips with his.

His lips were intoxicating, and you wanted more.

“Please touch me,” you begged against his lips.

He hummed, grazing his hands down your back before roughly grabbing your ass. You moaned, and he held you against him, hard enough to feel him grind into you.

“Fuck, stop teasing,” you pulled away, and he laughed.

“Baby, I’m not teasing,” he smirked.

Baby. The term of endearment made your heart swoon.

You weren’t always this infatuated by Hoseok. But the way he came to visit you during his break, had dinner and ice cream with you, and kissed you this good—it made you want more than just a fling.

But you couldn't think that way. It was sex. You two were doing this to get off, not engage in lovemaking.

Hoseok swiped his tongue over his bottom lip, eyeing your figure. “You know what I want.”

You ran your hand up and down his chest. “What are you waiting for?”

Hoseok's hands came underneath your thighs, and he picked you up, walking you to your bedroom. He used your body to close the door, slamming you against it.

He ground himself against your core, causing you to moan louder than you expected.

You covered your mouth in embarrassment.

Hoseok chuckled, “It’s okay,” he pulled away enough to graze his thumb over your cheek, “I love it when you moan.”

You rolled your eyes, kissing him and grabbing his ass, causing him to grind on your core.

"Fuck, I can practically feel that you wet," he groaned, trying his best to hold you up and sturdy you against the door.

“B-bed,” you choked, one of his particular thrusts stroking perfectly against you.  

Hoseok moved you towards your bed and gingerly placed you down. He kissed down your bare chest and slowly took off your pants and underwear.

“Fuck, your perfect,” Hoseok awed, softly running a finger through your wet heat.

His cold finger sent a wave of pleasure through you, making you flinch.

Hoseok hummed. “So wet for me,”

He looked up at you. “May I?”

You nodded, but he only smirked.

“Words, baby,” he put a hand to his ear.

“Please,” you bit down on your lip.

You felt him spread your lips, and you clenched in response. He appeared to savour you, taking his time as he ate you out.

When you moaned, he’d hum, sending vibrations into your heat that brought you closer to your climax.

“Fuck, I’m close—”

He pulled away, licking his lips and gazing down at you.

“Hoseok—”

“You taste better than I remembered,” he commented. “But I want you to cum around me.”

God, I love his dirty talk.

You watched him take off his clothes. He must've been working out because he was more toned than six months ago.

He was about to line himself up with your entrance, but you stopped him with your foot on his chest.

You smirked. “Not yet, baby.”

You stood up. “Sit.”

Hoseok sat on the bed, your roles shifting.

“But I want—”

You interrupted his beg with your hand around his erect cock. He appeared to be speechless as you run your hand up and down his shaft.

“Hm?” You asked, chuckling lightly at how easy it was to make him submit. “What do you want, baby?”

“I-I wanted,” he stuttered, thrusting slightly into your hand, “to cum inside you.”

“Is that so?” You questioned, pulling your hand away.

Despite his vocalized want, he whined when you pulled away.

“I’m only doing what my baby wants,” you shrugged. “Condoms are in the bottom drawer on the right.”

Hoseok dashed over to the bedside table, rummaging for the condoms.

“Those should fit you, right?”

"Yes," he replied, opening the familiar wrapper and unravelling it on his erect member.  

He stood there for a minute, wrapped penis and naked, just fondly looking at your nude figure.

He whispered something under his breath.

“Hm?”

“Nothing,” Hoseok blushed. “You still want to fuck?”

“Yes.”

“Top or bottom?”

“Top please,” you smiled.

Hoseok laid down on your bed, and you climbed onto his torso.

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” he cursed as you moved off his abs and onto his cock.

A wet puddle was left on his abdomen, which he wiped away with his fingers, then putting said fingers into his mouth.

“So good,” he groaned.

You hummed in response, slowly sinking onto him.

"Fuck, you feel so good," you said when you bottomed out.

You started moving, swaying your hips back and forth. Each time Hoseok's cock would graze against your g-spot.

His hands were placed on your hips, guiding you on him. You could feel yourself clenching around him and your climax building up.

“I-I’m close,” you stuttered.

Hoseok swallowed, “Me too.”

“Ch-choke me,” you requested as you picked up your pace.

Hoseok grinned. “Only if you choke me back.”

You chuckled and rolled your eyes. Hoseok gently wrapped his hand around your neck, and you did the same, slowly applying pressure.

You felt your thighs burn from exhaustion. "F-fuck me," you cursed, slowing down.

Both of you let go of each other's neck, and Hoseok flipped you two over, still inside you.

"It's okay," Hoseok assures before resuming the pace.

His thrusts were rough and deep, and he pushed your thighs against your chest.

“Fuck, please keep going,” you begged.

“Can I choke you?” Hoseok asked.

“Please,” you replied, “do you want me to choke you too?”

“Yes,” Hoseok responded.

You felt yourself rhythmically clench around him. Hoseok must’ve realized because he began thrusting faster into you.

The room was filled with unholy noises. You could hear the wet sounds of your entrance and the impact of Hoseok’s hips against your core.

“Fuck don’t stop,” you choked out.

The knot building up in your abdomen unravelled, and pleasure and relaxation spread through your body. Your core gripped onto Hoseok like a vice.

“H-Hoseok,” you stammered, your core overstimulated.

“I-I want you to squirt,” he replied, continuing his firm thrusts.

“Oh,” you moaned.

He pounded deeper into your core, to the point where you could feel his tip ram against your cervix.

“Ah!” You screamed, feeling yourself gush around him.

“Fuck, so good,” Hoseok groaned. “I-I’m cumming.”

You felt the condom fill up inside you, and you felt disappointed that his cum couldn’t coat your walls.

His thrusts slowed down, and he stood still for a few moments.

When he pulled out, you shivered with oversensitivity. You knew that your sheets would be a mess and weren't looking forward to cleaning them when Hoseok left.

You looked up at the ceiling, breathless, while you heard Hoseok walk away from the bed.

“Where do you put your towels?” He asked.

“In the hallway, in the closet beside the dryer and washing machine.” You replied.

You heard him walk into the hallway and the closet door open and close. “Thanks,” he said. “And your bedsheets?”

“The closet in my room.”

You heard him walk back into your room, open your walk-in closet that led into your bathroom, and shuffle around. The tap ran in your bathroom for a couple seconds, then the sound of Hoseok wringing out something.

You began to sit up, but he hushed you to lie back down.

“Just relax,” he soothed, placing the clean bedsheets on your bedside table and walking over to you with a damp cloth.

“You don’t have to—”

He placed a hand on your thigh. “It’s okay,” he reassured.

You two exchanged a quick smile before Hoseok began to clean you up.

“You didn’t even cum on me,” you chuckled as he gently wiped your inner thighs.

“I know,” he replied, “but I still made you messy.”

When your thighs were no longer covered in your cum, you two changed your bedsheets.

“You good sleep in the same bed?” You asked while folding over your duvet.

“Sure,” He smiled.

You walked into your closet. "There should be some clothes that fit you. I usually wear men's clothes at home, anyways. It's crazy how great the quality men's clothes are compared to women's clothes." You picked out a t-shirt and sweatpants and tossed them at Hoseok.

He caught them, “Thanks.”

You two showered separately and spent the time getting ready together dancing to tunes.

If someone were to walk into the room, it wouldn’t look or smell like you two just had sex. You two looked like close friends having a dance party before going to bed.

Again, after you two had sex the first time, you both agreed to stay friends. It was easier said than done.

It was awkward initially, but you both were able to get past that by talking it through. Hoseok would ask how you felt during sex and what could have been better, and you would return the question.

Now, you both were able to have a good time and intimately learn more about each other.

Sure, it was strange, but it was a mutual agreement between consenting adults and fun.

The sex was fun—great, really—and you couldn’t have it any other way.

But you would be lying to yourself if you didn’t feel like something was missing.

.

.

“Good morning, everyone,” you greeted your fellow designers, “this is Hoseok. If you don’t know him already, he’s a well-known musician and one of my closest friends.”

Everyone welcomed Hoseok with a warm round of applause.

“Thank you, it’s a pleasure to be here.” Hoseok thanked.

“Hoseok will be helping out here and there while he’s vacationing here for a month,” you explained, “so take it easy on him.”

People shared chuckles at your joke.

"Anyways, let's start looking over the design ideas. You all are very talented artists, and I want you to remember that this is a draft, which means that these ideas are not final. If your idea is rejected, it's okay. We'll continue to work on a collective theme for the show."

The morning was spent listening to everyone's design concepts. To follow your reputation, the designs were contained within suits and gowns. As mentioned before, the theme was Vancouver's nature, where the fashion show would be taking place.

You and your design team used the recycled fabrics—which were separated by colours, textures, and materials—while figuring out your drafts.

You asked your design team to draft some ideas because you couldn't think of anything to present.

You were pleasantly surprised that your whole team had ideas that you approved.

“This a phenomenal,” you awed, “Great job, Erinn.”

“Actually,” you grabbed the attention of the other team members, “you all did a great job. We will be using all these ideas for the show.”

Your team shared cheers.

“Y/N,” Rachel nudged your shoulder, “I’m sorry to ask, but now that we’ve got the designs all in order, what about the models? You wanted to have various body types, right?”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got that covered,” you whispered back.

You turned back to your design team. "You all know that this show is tougher than our last one because we are trying to include more body types, genders, races, just different kinds of people. Which means that we will need to cater our clothes to the models, rather than the other way around.” You smiled, “So you all can go home for the next week.”

You heard Rachel choke on her inhale.

"Although you all have the week off, I want you all to try drawing your designs on other body types. Experiment with materials and colours. Remember to take some of the recycled fabrics home with you, and feel free to come in to pick anything up. Just let Rachel and I know in advance, and we'll give notice to the front desk so they can let you in. When we reconvene in a week, which would be next Friday at nine-thirty, I need you all to be ready to translate your designs, colours, and materials to our models." You ordered.

“Any questions?”

Comfortable silence amongst everyone.

You nodded. "Awesome. Good luck, everyone. Contact me if you have any questions."

Your team started packing up.

“Y/N, does that mean we’re spending the next week casting?” Rachel asked.

“Yes, Rachel. Please contact Westly and schedule lunch tomorrow at noon to discuss modelling criteria. It’s probably going to be pretty loose, but we need to contact Westly before sending it out.” You answered. “If he’s not free at that time, try figuring out something later tomorrow. Then book a reservation for three at Romeo’s.”

“Alright, on it,” Rachel replied.

You turned to Hoseok, who seemed shocked.

“What?” You blushed.

He continued his surprised expression. “I haven’t seen you like this before.”

You chuckled. “How else are you supposed to run a company and organize and execute a fashion show in 3 months?”

Rachel tapped you on the shoulder. "Westly can do lunch tomorrow, at noon, at Romeo's. He and his team secured the venue with Vancouver Fashion Week and are currently collaborating with the interior designers to figure out how the place will look. West said he'll debrief you tomorrow, at lunch, about the rest of the progress."

You smiled. “Great! Thank you, Rachel. You can also take the rest of the day off.”

Rachel appeared to be stunned, not responding to your words.

You waved a hand in front of her face. “Rachel? You can take the rest of the day off.”

“Are you sure, Y/N?” She asked.

You chuckled, “I wouldn’t be telling you to if I wasn’t sure, would I?”

She gave it a thought. “I guess not.”

You grinned. “Just meet me at our main building tomorrow, at eleven-thirty, and we’ll go to Romeo’s together.”

Rachel nodded. “Thank you, Y/N,”

“No worries,” you smiled.

You and Hoseok watched her leave, leaving you two alone in the studio.

“I’m sorry, it passed my mind. You’re okay not joining us for lunch tomorrow, right?” You asked Hoseok.

He dismissed your apology by brushing a hand through the air, “It’s all good. You’ve got your shit to do.” He smiled, “It gives me time to tour around a bit, anyways.”

“Good,” you replied. “So, where to?”

You pulled apart the croissant, eating pieces one at a time. The butteriness covered your tongue in a warmth that mixed well with the iced coffee you and Hoseok shared.

The park was surprisingly empty, despite it being a Friday. Usually, it would be tough to find a spot decently away from others, mostly shaded by trees.

The inlet was a few meters away, allowing you two to see sailboats pass by. People also kayaked and canoed, and you could hear their laughter faintly on land.

Here, you and Hoseok would be shielded by looming trees and away from potential fans of Hoseok. It was a rarity to have those two things when spending time with Hoseok: privacy and security—peace and quiet.

“This is what you wanted to do?” You asked, finishing off the croissant.

He nodded, sipping the iced coffee. “Yeah. It’s quiet and nice here.”

You two people watched, enjoying the breeze and serene environment.

“I was thinking,” you cleared your throat, “about last night. Did you enjoy it?”

Hoseok set down the iced coffee. “Yeah. I always like hanging out with you.”

“I mean—the sex.”

He seemed shocked by your question.

“Yeah, that was good too. Why do you ask? You never brought up before.” He pointed out.

Because I am growing feelings for my childhood friend, who I now have sex with for fun. This wasn't a part of the agreement, I know. We agreed to not grow feelings for each other and just have sex for pleasure. But it's inevitable to develop feelings for someone you have sex for, right? Like, there are probably people out there that can distinguish sex from love—and I guess it started out like that—but for us?

Am I crazy?

“No reason,” you sighed. “I just wanted to know if there was anything I could have done better.”

Hoseok turned his body to you, smiling. “It was perfect.”

He gestured with his arms for a hug, and you obliged. His cologne smelt of freshly peeled oranges; it was a pleasant fragrance, and you found yourself snuggling closer.

.

.

The past month went by in a busy blur.

The model casting went well. You and Westley found fantastic individuals to present your clothing line, which was in the process of being altered to fit those people.

The venue was secured, and the guest list was being made by You and Westley.

“Maybe invite Hoseok,” Westley suggested.  

You shook your head, “I can’t.”

"Why not?" He retorted. "The worse thing he could say is 'no,' and you can invite the whole band." He giggled. "Maybe I can meet Jimin in person."

You chuckled, “So that’s why you want me to invite Hoseok. Just because you made eye contact with Jimin for more than five seconds, it doesn’t mean that he’s into you. He’s straight.”

“How do you know?” Westley had a hand firmly on his hip.

“W-well, I haven’t asked him personally—”

"Then you can't assume he's straight!" Westley exclaimed. "The baseline isn't being heterosexual."

“True. Anyways, let’s get back to the guest list.” You chewed on your lip. “We have Harry Styles, BLACKPINK, Lizzo…”

Both of you ran down the list of a thousand attendees to the show in Vancouver. It was way smaller than fashion week or any of your previous shows, but it wasn't meant to be a big party.

Y/N [14:00]: Hey! Are you free and the boys on March 1st at 1 pm for about four hours, including an after-party until 10 pm, with food?

Hoseok [14:30]: Hiiiiii!! Sorry for the late text. I was asking the others. Yeah! That’s in 4 months? 🧐

Y/N [14:31]: Yeah, it’s for my fashion show. You can ask your company for that time? We’d provide the plane tickets and accommodation. You’d probably stay 3 days and 2 nights? You’d fly in the first day, sleep the one night, then attend the show the second day, sleep the second night, and fly out the 3rd day. I’ll need to know by the end of the week.

Hoseok [14:32]: Sounds good!!! I’ll ask my managers and let you know 👊

Y/N [14:33]: Awesome! Thanks 💚

Hoseok [14:33]: Np 💚

“So, Hoseok and the boys can come, but he has to confirm with his managers. He’ll let me know soon.” You relayed to Westley.

"Great! As long as we get confirmation from Hoseok at the end of this week, we can send out the invitations. We've checked with everyone's management, and they all seem to be busy. Worse comes to worst; we'll just have to move seats around." Westley advised.

He closed his laptop, and you followed.

“Alright, that seems to be all of the guest list business. I’ll get my team to start organizing plane tickets and accommodation.” He sighed, “shall we head to the studio to check on the design team?”

“Yes,” you replied.

Both of you were driven to the studio to check on the design team.

The studio was filled with models of various shades and shapes. Music played quietly in the background, and your coworkers and models grooved to the tunes. Designers pinned fabrics around people’s figures and sketched down measurements and ideas.

You and Westley went around checking on everyone, making sure gowns and suits were well in progress. A smaller group of people created ideas for shoes and were sending them out to shoemakers.

The rest of the day was spent getting to know the models, fixing measurements, finalizing some ideas, and briefing everyone about the plan for the next two months.

"Please have the gowns, suits, and shoes by the end of this month so we can start having the makeup artists consult all of you; to make sure the makeup correlates with the clothes and the models." You informed. "Thank you, everyone, for your amazing work."

Scattered “thank you”s responded, and our workday was over.

“You want to get some drinks?” Westley nudged.

You nodded, frankly too tired to answer but eager for a drink.

Both of you decided to walk to the high-class bar, which allowed private areas in the back for paying customers. You and Westley sat alone, away from the crowds of people near the entrance of the bar.

“To having a productive three months,” Westley sang, holding up his martini.

You sighed, “Cheers,” you tapped your peach Bellini glass against his, admitting a chime.

"Fuck," Westley cursed at the sip of his drink, "they're always stronger than I remember. "Anyways, the show is pretty much underway. Guestlist is handled, the venue is prepped and ready for us, the clothing is almost done. Oooo, I can’t wait to see it all together.”

You nodded.

“You don’t seem so excited, Y/N.”

“I am,” you replied.

“But?”

“I am excited.” You affirmed, although not living up to the word

Westley silenced, knowing when not to push your buttons.

He took a careful sip of his martini. “Where’s Hoseok?”

You fidgeted with your glass. "Hoseok went back to Korea. He only had a month of vacay, so," you left the sentence adrift.

“Did you enjoy his company?”

“Can we not talk about him right now? I rather not mix work and personal life.” You stated.

Westley acknowledged with a firm nod, finishing off his martini and asking for another.

“May I ask a question?”

“Sure.” You replied.

He cringed. “But if I ask, promise me you won’t fire me.”

You turned to him. “Depends on your question. You have to ask me first, then I can decide whether or not to fire you. I cannot make promises.”

“Why are you so off all of a sudden?” He genuinely asked.

You took a deep breath. “I’m not going to fire you, not for a long time. You’re my best worker, and I can’t let you go.”

"I feel like there's going to be a 'but' somewhere. Might as well rip off the Band-Aid." Westley sighed.

You nodded, “You’re right. And you’re right about my mood. I’ve been kind of off lately.”

“Because of Hoseok?”

"Yeah, to be honest." You admitted. "I feel like we're really close—more than just friends. We're on the same wavelength, you know? And whenever we're apart for a long time and then meet up again, it's like time has passed."

“And let me guess, you haven’t told him because you’re afraid to ruin your friendship.”

You scoffed. “There’s no need for sarcasm, West.”

He rolled his eyes and sighed. “I’m just saying, it’s the oldest narrative in the book. One friend is falling for the other, and that one friend doesn’t want to confess their feelings because they’ve known the other person for years and are afraid of ruining that connection.” He took a sip of his martini. “But in the end, it’s two friends just pining over their feelings of love for each other.”

“But we’re different.” You argued.

"I guess so. The narrative doesn't really specify one friend is a famous fashion designer and the other being a famous musician—"

“I mean,” you interrupted, “we have sex every time we see each other.

Westley's mouth fell open in a silent gasp. His hand was placed on his chest, and his eyes stared into yours.

He tipped back his martini into his mouth, finishing it off. “Well, you didn’t mention the friends with benefits part.”

“I know!” You groaned. “That’s why it’s so complicated.”

"Is it really, though? Wouldn't confessing your feelings after you two have had sex so much make it slightly easier? Because it makes sense to grow feelings for someone you've known for a while and have had sex with on multiple occasions." Westley speculated.

“I didn’t say we had sex on multiple occasions—”

“Honey,” he began, “you said you’ve had sex with him every time you see each other, and you two meet a lot. It doesn’t take a detective to figure it out.”

"Anyways," he digressed, "the sooner you tell him, the better. There's no use debating over it for years, then finding out he's found someone else when he would've picked you anyways."

"Gosh, when you say it like that, it sounds like a romantic movie." You cringed, finishing your peach Bellini.

He shrugged. “Well, it kinda is.”

You chuckled. “Well, thanks for the advice.”

“Thank you for filling me in,” he smiled.

.

.

The week went by fast. Your design team was still working on alterations, so you were left brainstorming hair and makeup and contacting specialists in those fields.

You were sitting at home, knee-deep in Pinterest boards when your phone buzzed.

You stopped strolling through your laptop and peered down.

Hoseok [19:30]: We can come to your show!

Y/N [19:30]: Fantastic! I'll let my team know, and we’ll send out the invites.

You texted Westley, informing him that BTS could attend the show.

Westley [19:33]: Great! I'll let the rest of the team know, and we'll send the emails out tomorrow

Y/N [19:34]: Thanks!

Westley [19:35]: Np

You set down your phone and continued to add ideas to your private Pinterest board.

Your phone buzzed again.

Hoseok [19:55]: What are you doing right now?

You were puzzled.

Y/N [19:56]: Nothing much, just brainstorming ideas for the show. You?

Hoseok [19:57]: Just chilling in my room.

Hoseok [20:05]: I miss you

You chuckled at the text, thinking that Hoseok was drunk.

Y/N [20:05]: I miss you too, Hobi.

Hoseok [20:08]: …how much?

Again, you were puzzled by his text.

Y/N [20:10]: Wdym? I miss having you here? Is that what you mean?

Hoseok [20:11]: I mean, do you miss me intimately?

Y/N [20:14]: Like sex-wise?

Hoseok [20:14]: Fuck, I need you, Y/N.

You stared at his words.

Hoseok [20:18]: I miss your body and how perfectly you fit around me.

Your cheeks flushed.

Hoseok [20:21]: Can you video chat? Unless you’re not in the mood.

You panicked.

You were in the mood but weren't presentable. Your hair was messy, and you weren't wearing any makeup, and you were dressed in a hoodie and sweatpants.

Y/N [20:23]: Yeah, I’m in the mood. Just give me 5 mins.

You quickly got out of your seat and ran to your bedroom. You sifted through your closet and found the sexist clothing item you had: a red lingerie set. You quickly undressed and put on the set.

You looked into your full-length mirror and tried not to cringe. Your hair was a mess, and you weren’t wearing any makeup. It definitely looked like Hoseok's text came out of nowhere—and it did, but you somehow expected yourself to be decently presentable.

However, the lingerie set was doing you favours. The set was composed of a crotchless thong and a bralette that exposed your nipples.

Y/N [20:28]: I’m ready.

Your phone rang, and you answered, quickly propping it on your drawers across from your bed.

You were faced with a shirtless Hoseok, his cock already in his hand.

“Fuck, you look amazing.” He complimented breathlessly.

“Wow, you’re ahead of the game—and really? I’m a mess.” You chuckled.

He hissed, flinching in his grip. “Fuck, just take the compliment, Y/N.”

You cleared your throat. “Thank you.”

You sat a pit forward, angling your breasts towards the camera.

“What are you imagining, baby?” You purred.

“Y-You,” he stuttered, moving his hand up and down his cock.

“Mhm,” you moaned, “thinking up my pussy clenching around your cock, making it all wet.”

He nodded.

"You can do something if you want," he suggested. "You said you were in the mood."

Your eyes opened wide. “Wait a minute.”

You brought the phone with you on your journey, going back to your closet and fetching your dildo, lube, and vibrator. You hurried to the bathroom and propped your phone up against the closed door.

You suctioned the bottom of the dildo onto the titled floor. You placed the vibrator on the bathroom counter.

“You want to watch me bounce on this dildo and think of you?” You smirked, rubbing lube onto your hands, onto the toy, and onto your vagina.  

“Fuck, yes,” he replied, stilling his hand around his cock for a moment.

“Did I say you could stop?” You spat.

“I’m waiting for you,” he smiled, making your heart melt.

You paused over the dildo, smiling back at him. “Awww, that’s actually kinda sweet. Thank you.”

You quickly washed your hands and grabbed the vibrator.  

You crouched down and slowly onto the dildo.

“Fuck,” you moaned, tilting your head back at the feeling of being filled up. It didn’t hit the spots Hoseok did, but it was good enough.

You lifted yourself up and sunk back down again, rhythmically repeating the motion.

“Fuck, so good,” you sighed, overlooking the pain in your knees.

“That's right, baby, imagine me filling that pussy up," Hoseok groaned, following your rhythm while pumping his cock.

“Fuck yes,” you replied, “and I’m clenching around you so tight.”

You two exchanged moans at the sound of your pussy squelching around the dildo.

“Use the vibrator, baby,” Hoseok purred.

You hummed, grabbing the rose gold vibrator and turning it on. You place the buzzing toy on your clit, feeling pleasure rippling through your core.

“Fuck,” you hissed, speeding up your pace a bit.

“I-I’m getting close.”

“Yeah, baby?” Hoseok smirked. “You get off at me rubbing my cock? Imagining me buried inside your pussy, making you feel so good?"

You nodded. “But it’s not as you, baby.”

“I know—” He choked, appearing to be on the brink of his climax. “I fucking miss the way your pussy fit so well around me, no matter how many times I fucked you open.”

“Mhm,” you bit your lips, watching him with hooded eyes. “Don’t stop.”

“Who knew you were filthy enough to cum during cybersex?" He observed. "I'm not even there to touch you, but just thinking of me inside has you in ruins.”

“What would you do if I was with you right now?” You asked.

“I would fuck you until you couldn’t walk the next day,” he replied, “I’d fuck you until that pretty pussy is swollen.”

"F-fuck, I'm going to cum," you stuttered, feeling the familiar build-up in your core.

“M-me too,” he stammered.

You watched his head tilt back in pleasure and his cum squirt up from his cock.

“Fuck!” You cursed, feeling your pleasure shoot out of your core and onto the floor

“So hot,” Hoseok sighed.

You chuckled, coming down from high. You pulled yourself up and off the dildo, sitting on the cool tile floor.

“Fuck, did you squirt?” He asked, looking closer.

You nodded, gesturing to the mess on the ground.

“Spread your legs for me, baby,” he commanded and obliged, showing him your battered cunt.

You spread your lips, and he hummed at sight.

“So beautiful.” He awed.

“You happy? I need to wipe this all up, now,” you scoffed.

He chuckled. “It’s not my fault that you cummed.” He angled his phone to the floor, showing splashes of his cum on the floor, "and besides, you also made me make a mess.”

You both chatted while cleaning up your messes, talking about your days as if nothing happened. After finishing your clean-up, you two continued your conversation while showering, as if both of you were doing it together.

Ready to relax for the night, both of you signed off with exchanged ‘thanks’ and ‘good night.’

You turned off your phone with a soft click and stepped out of the steamy bathroom. Your pyjamas were soft on your skin, and you felt ready to go to bed.

Hopping onto your bed, you grabbed your laptop and turned on some Netflix to fall asleep to.

From an outsider’s perspective, masturbating with your best friend and then casually talking with them while showering and getting ready for bed was odd. Repeating the scenario in your mind did make it sound like you two were in a long-distance romantic relationship rather than a platonic one.

But you and Hoseok were different. That was your excuse.

A friend could do this and not catch feelings. You two were the perfect example of that.

Emphasis on were because you were currently spiralling in your growing romantic feelings for Hoseok.

But what would you do in this situation?

You and your childhood friend engage in sex one time and promise each other to not grow feelings. In this manner, you two could have sex without attachment. Fast forward into the future, and you both are still making this arrangement with no negative consequences and feel like you two have gotten to know each other better and have become better friends—until you catch feelings. And you don’t want to risk losing this relationship you two have.

Because he is a worldwide musician who can’t be tied down because it could risk his career, and he might lose fans—and you couldn't be bothered with any romantic commitment with your fast-paced and unpredictable work schedule.

So, you stay in this unnameable mess.

.

.

“Time flies by when you’re having fun,” Allie commented from the plush couch.

You looked in the mirror, twisting your back towards it to see the back of the dress. “I guess so.”

“You have to admit, planning a fashion show is pretty fun,” she said. “If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be doing it over and over again.”

“True,” you replied, turning to the stylist.

“May I see the other dress?” You asked, and the stylist nodded, retreating to somewhere in the shop you couldn’t see.

It was the last month until the show. Everything was in order: the show’s venue and its decorations, the clothes, makeup and hair for the models, and the guests’ accommodation. Now, it was your turn to find suitable attire for the occasion.

You tried on the next dress. It was a slim-fitting number, with a leg slit in the front. It was scandalous and stunning, but not right for the show.

“I don’t like any of these dresses,” you sighed, annoyed.

Allie appears to brainstorm some ideas.

“Maybe try a suit?” She proposed.

You kept your eyes on the mirror, twirling your figure and watching the fabric move at your feet.

“Think about it,” she began, “think of all the powerful women who’ve worn suits and killed it. Zendaya, Kristen Stewart, Blake Lively, Awkwafina. The list goes on. It’s a statement piece, and you’re the big brain behind this operation.”

“I think it’s ‘mastermind behind this operation,’ but I get what you mean.” You corrected.

“You literally bypassed my whole point—”

“I know, I know,” you interrupted. “It’s just—suits for women are so overpriced. And it’s just like the dresses, except a different fit. Same colour palettes, same materials, so on.”

Allie scoffed. "You're a fucking fashion designer, did you forget? Make your own thing. There are leftover fabrics at your studio; you have time to make something." Her face lit up, “And, technically, it’s for free.”

You gave it a thought, but the stylist came back before you could finish it.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Vega, but I’m not finding anything, and I don’t want you walking back and forth and bringing me more dresses.” You gave an apologetic smile. “Thank you very much for your help.”

"No worries, Y/N! Just hang up the dress when you take it off, and I’ll deal with the rest,” she replied.

“Will do,” you said, and she stepped out of the room.

Allie helped you unzip the gown, and you shimmed out of it. You did as you were told and hung up the dress, and you and Allie left the shop.

The walk back to the studio was quick, you two making determined strides through the crowded city.

You and Allie entered the empty studio, turning on the nights.

The studio was organized chaos with dressed mannequins, big boxes of fabrics in the back of the room, and papered patterns on the tables.

“Wow,” Allie awed.

"Yeah," you replied, leading you both to your master station is near the back, "it's crazy what a couple months before a show looks like.”

You looked through the drawers beside your desks and grabbed the tools you'll need to plan out the suit.

“So, just a suit jacket and pants…” You said, grabbing some paper to sketch up your pattern.

You looked up at Allie, “Do you mind helping me out with measurements?”

She nodded, “For sure. What do you need?”

You guided Allie on how to measure your proportions for the suit. She measured your inseams for your pants, the sleeves, the cuts, and so on. In between, you'd write down the dimensions for the patterns.

You two sifted through the fabrics to create a monochrome patchwork outfit. The suit would be shades of cherry red, with different materials making it up. There were no patterns in the patchwork, only various tones of red in several types of wool.

“Fucking hell,” Allie cursed while sifting through the materials, “who would’ve thought there were so many shades of red.”

She held up a piece of recycled fabrics, checking with you that it was the correct tone. You took it and held the portion against the others.

“Nope, too dark,” you shook your head.

"What? It looks exactly the same," she disagreed, walking over to your table. When comparing the fabrics, she made an 'aaah’ sound, letting you know that you were right.

Before sectioning off your pattern, you tried your best to evenly sew all the material together into a quilt-like form.

“Jesus,” you muttered, shaking out your sore hands.

“We don’t have to get this all done today, you know. You do have two months left.” Allie advised.

"I know. I just want to put this all together first," you replied, continuing to push the material through the sewing machine.

“Alright,” she surrendered, bringing one of the seats over to your table.

You sewed in silence for a bit.

“So,” Allie began, “how are you and Hoseok doing?”

You paused. “What do you mean?”

“You know…you two and your arrangement.”

You scoffed, “Our arrangement? You mean us having sex?”

“Yeah, but the other stuff.”

You pulled your hands from the sewing machine, crossing your arms over your chest. "Just spit it out, Al."

“Well, you’ve had mixed feelings with Hoseok, right? Like you’re starting to like him?” She speculated.

Your mouth gaped open. “Have you been talking to West?”

She didn’t respond, not making eye contact.

“You can’t be fucking serious. You two are ganging up on me!” You yelled.

“Y/N, we’re just worried.”

“About what? I have feelings—and?” You fumed.

She sighed. “You shouldn’t be having sex with someone if you’re growing romantic feelings, especially if you two agreed to be platonic.”

“Oh, fuck off,” you stood.

“Y/N!” She exclaimed. "Don't you dare talk to me that way? I am your friend, not your enemy." Allie stood up and sighed. “I get it. You don’t like people in your business. That’s fair. I just feel like you're sacrificing yourself for Hoseok when you could talk about it with him."

“Allie, you don’t know what you’re fucking talking about.” You spat.

“I get it,” she sympathized. “I don’t. I’m not you or Hoseok.”

“So, tell me,” she said. “Educate me on the situation. I am not here to judge. I’m just worried about you, that’s all.”

You took a few deep breaths, trying to calm yourself down.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized. “I shouldn’t have talked to you like that.”

“It’s okay,” she forgave, “just don’t push me away so fast, okay?”

“Okay.” You agreed.

She sat down, “So?”

You sat down and rehashed your feelings about you and Hoseok to her: the growing romantic feelings for him, not knowing what to do, and wanting something more.

“Well, do you think it’d work out between you two if you dated?” She asked.

You shifted in your seat. "I honestly don't know. It's tough with Hoseok's work because he has a loyal fanbase. I'm afraid he's going to get even more hate if we were to date.”

“But would you two be happy?” She asked.

You gave it a thought. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you go into a relationship regardless of other people. Whether you’re a celebrity or an ordinary person, you date someone for you and that person; no one else. There are going to be people who support and hate your relationship no matter what. What matters is what the two people think in the relationship."

She sighed. “You cannot control what others will think about you. No matter what you do or who you do, you're going to upset someone. So, just do what feels comfortable and safe with you."

You hummed, understanding.

“So, would you be happy if you and Hoseok dated?”

“Yes.” You stated without a thought. “I really like him—love him even.”

"Then that's all that matters," Allie replied.

.

.

The week before, the show crept on you faster than you expected. You, your team of designers and event organizers, models, hairstylists and makeup artists flew into Vancouver a week early to prepare on location.

However, the majority of the week would be spent preparing for the show. The first day was spent unloading all of the outfits and equipment for the show into the venue. Everyone was required to show up to organize their stations and to familiarize themselves with the venue.

“Please set up your stations while Westley and I look into the main runway and after part section. We’ll be back in around two hours to check up on everyone. If you have any questions while we're gone, please contact me on my phone." You held up your cellphone and everyone nodded. "Great. Good luck, everyone!"

The venue and interior designers' owners toured you and Westley around the place, showing you the drawn floorplans, running down the prices, and checking that the decorations correlated with your plans.

“These weren’t the chairs we sent over,” Westley pointed to the black folded chairs lining the runways.

“Yes, but these were within the price range and—” One of the interior designers, Queeny, said.

“But did we get an email regarding this change?” You interjected.

Queeny exchanged looks with the other three decorators, and they shook their heads.

Wesley let out an angry sigh. "Well, I guess we’ll have to live with these then.” He sat down on one of the chairs. “At least they’re comfortable. They look cheap, but they’re sturdy.”

“Are there any more changes you made without informing as?” You asked.

They all shook their heads.

"Great." You turned to one of the two-venue owners, named Ruby. "Shall we continue to the after-party part?”

“Yes,” she replied, gesturing to the doorway that led to the front reception area.

From the reception area, where guests would check-in and get a wristband, a double-door way on the right led to a ballroom for the after-party.

The overall theme of the place was classic European designs with off-white luxurious walls and chandeliers. The ceilings were intricately carved, and the floors were a smooth white oak. Just walking around made you feel like you were dirtying the place.

“This place is stunning,” Westley whispered.

“I know,” you replied, “you chose the place.”

“I know,” he smiled, pretending to flip his hair.

You both chuckled, continuing to follow the owners around the venue.

Everything worked out, besides the chairs, so you and Westley checked on the designers, models, hairstylists and makeup artists.

At the end of the workday, everyone was in order and ready for the next three days of dress rehearsals and solving and problems.

You arrived back at your hotel with sore feet and exhaustion.

Your phone rang as you flopped onto your bed.

You answered. “Hobi!”

“Y/N! How was your flight to Vancouver?” He asked.

“It was good. We didn't have a rest day, though. We had to settle into the place and check it over. My feet are so sore.” You groaned.

“Really? I thought you’d at least have a rest day when you guys arrived,” he assumed.

You shook your head. “No. Sadly, this whole week will be walking around and making sure everything is going smoothly.”

He sighed. “Shit. That sucks.” You heard him shift on the other side of the phone. “Do you want to relax?”

You laughed. “Jung Hoseok, did you seriously booty call me from across the world?”

Hoseok gasped, "I did not! I was talking about watching Netflix or something." He chuckled, "You're so dirty-minded."

You both laughed.

“Okay, so what do you want to watch?” He asked on the other end of the call.

You brought out your laptop and scrolled through the movie selection.

“Oooo! Let’s watch Hush. I’ve heard so many good things about it.” You recalled.

You could hear his hesitation.

Hoseok did not like being scared. Whenever you watched anything scary, you were afraid that your neighbours would complain at how loud his screaming was. As you remembered saying "hello" to him once and him screaming in fear and surprise, he was also easily frightened.

“We don’t have to,” you said.

“No, no,” Hoseok reassured, “we’ll watch it. Just send me the Netflix Party link, and I'll ready the Zoom link."

You giggled. “You don’t have to be brave for me, Hobi. I know you don’t like scary movies.”

“You want to watch it, so let’s do it,” he said, “and the ratings are good.”

“Okay,” you digressed. “I’m texting you the link right now.”

“Same,” he replied.

You two hung up and joined the links.

“Hello!” Hoseok beamed, dancing.

You rolled your eyes and chuckled at his burst of energy. “Hello, Hobi.”

You carried your laptop to the bathroom and began getting ready for bed.

“How was your day?” You asked.

Hoseok described him and his bandmates' film day for "Run! BTS," and you groaned at all the work they had to do.

He laughed. “But we got to play games, which was fun. We laughed so much that my abs hurt.” You watched him lift up his shirt and show his toned abdomen.

Your core felt a familiar flutter.

“W-wow, that must be a lot of laughing,” you cleared your throat and took out your toothbrush and toothpaste.

For the moment, the time difference worked for you two because it was almost ten at night for you and nearly three in the afternoon for him.

“Should I turn off my camera?” You asked before undressing to get into the shower.

He shook his head. “I’m okay with you leaving it on. I’ve seen you naked before, so it’s not really different. But if you’re uncomfortable, you can just turn it off.”

You shrugged and began taking off your clothes in full view of the camera and screen.

You noticed Hoseok’s expression.

“Enjoying the show?” You chuckled, finally taking off your undergarments and fully exposing yourself.

Hoseok smirked, “Don’t act like you weren’t just turned on by my abs. I saw how you looked at me.”

You nodded and surrendered. “Fair point.”

You hoped in the shower, and you two continued talking.

“Jesus, we haven’t started the movie yet,” Hoseok commented while you were washing your hair.

“Shit, right,” you laughed, massaging the shampoo into your scalp.

After you hoped out of the shower and dried your body and hair, you both started to watch the movie.

“This is a pretty cool premise. Like, we’ve never seen a deaf person in a horror movie before,” you regarded.

"True, that's a good point—AHHHHHH!" Hoseok screamed at the sudden slam in the movie.

You burst into laughter.

“Holy shit!” He exclaimed, trying to calm himself with controlled breaths.

The movie continued as you finished off your skincare and put on your pyjamas.

The oversized t-shirt was long enough to cover your thighs.

“You’re going to watch this before bed?” Hoseok gasped.

You chuckled. “Yeah. It’s not that scary.” You say as you jump at the sound of breaking glass in the film.

Hoseok laughed at the coincidental timing.

You don’t remember falling asleep, but you woke up to the sound of your alarm.

“Shit,” you grumbled and turned it off.

You heard Hoseok stir awake on the Zoom call.

Both of you had fallen asleep, but Hoseok finished the movie before you could; because you saw the end credits paused in the Netflix Party.

“Sorry,” you whispered.

“It’s okay,” Hoseok mumbled, squinting at the screen.

“I’ll let you sleep,” you smiled, hovering your cursor over the "send" button.

He softly smiled, “thank you.” He snuggled into his pillow, “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Hobi,” you replied, ending the call for both of you.

It didn’t hit you until you were halfway through your dress rehearsal, but Hoseok had stayed with you while you slept. He didn't wake you but quietly continued the movie and fell asleep.

Hoseok was usually sweet, so you didn't pay too much attention to it.

But it did make you feel special.

.

.

It was the day of the fashion show, and you were fucking nervous.

You had done this before, a show, but this one was different. You had put in so much effort and were proud of how it turned out but were afraid of what other people would think.

“It’ll be fine, don’t worry,” Allie assured through video call,” it’ll be excellent, and everyone won’t stop talking about it.”

“Probably,” you replied, putting on your makeup.

“It will be excellent, Y/N. I am so sure I will bet money.” She stated.

You chuckled, "then I'll take your word for it because I am not bidding money.”

You both laughed.

“Okay, I know I already showed you my outfit, but are you sure it looks good?” She asked, putting on the A-line floor-length dress she’d shown you before. It was a beautiful viridian green with lace shoulder straps that draped over the sides of her biceps.

“You look beautiful,” you complimented, setting your makeup with setting spray and heading to your closet.

You put on the suit you made and looked in the mirror. You looked a bad bitch.

“You look great! Oooo, put on the red bottoms,” Allie squealed.

You put on the signature Louis Vuitton black high heels with the ruby bottoms.

Your phone buzzed.

“I got to go; Westley is here with our ride to the venue. I’ll see you there!”

“See you!” She waved, ending the call.

You did a quick check in the mirror, fixing your hair, grabbed your bags, and headed out the door.

Your driver waited outside the vehicle as you approached, and opened its door, showing you a well-dressed and excited Westley.

"Oh my god, you look great!" He gasped. “When did you make the suit?”

“I finished it a week before we flew out,” you chuckled, “and you look great too! I love the pine on you.”

You took a step back and looked at Westley’s crisp pine-coloured suit with matching brown dress shoes.

“Thank you,” he grinned. “Okay, get in before we become late.”

You hopped into the car, and your driver got in and started the vehicle.

The drive was spent recalling your opening and closing speeches with Westley and the show's agenda.

“So, five pm is when the show ends, and then the guests for the after-party go into the ballroom area. Food is served at six pm, and everything is wrapped up at ten pm.” Westley relayed.

You nodded, “Yup.”

Both of you arrived a couple hours before the start time, which was at 1 pm, to set everything up and warm up the models and crew.

Westley checked the organizers and the models while you went to the runway area to check the lights and sound.

"Let's rerun the lights, please!" You announced as you walked into the runway room. "Can I get a headset, please?" You ask the crew on the ground, who nodded.

“Yup!” You heard the lighting crew respond.

You were given the headset, and you heard the head light technician’s voice.

“Can you hear me?” They checked.

“Yes,” you confirmed.

They ran by the six light settings for the show, and it was all correct.

“It’s perfect, thank you. Can you please check that the sound is alright?” You asked through the headset.

“Yup. You’ll have to hand the headset to another person, though, and we’ll give you a mic.” They added.

You heard their muffled voice as if they covered their mic's headset with their hand. Next, you had someone hand you a mic and take your headset.

“You’ll need to stand on the stage,” The person said.

“Okay,” you replied, going to the runway and standing on the end portion.

All the room’s lights turned on, and you could see the lighting crew’s area in the back and the chair organized around the runway.

“You can speak into the mic!” You heard someone shout.

You started speaking nonsense in the mic, like the type of weather outside, as they adjusted the volume.

“Thank you!” Someone shouted.

“Thanks,” you said into the mic before handing it to one of the crew.

“Is there anything to report? Any problems that arose before I got here?” You asked the crew.

They all shook their heads.

“How is everyone feeling?” You asked.

They all shared nervous laughter, and a few people said “good.”

“Alright, if there’s anything you all need, just come to the modelling area and ask me. It’s in the backroom.”

They all nodded, and you left them to their business.

You arrived in the backroom and saw designers fitting their outfits on the models and makeup artists and hairstylists prepping their stations.

“How is everybody doing?!” You enthusiastically asked.

They cheered with a mix of excitement and nervousness.

"I get it. Everyone is on their toes. You all have an hour left to set things up before people start filing in. Remember, the show starts at 1 pm. The door opens thirty minutes before them.”

They call responded with various forms of understanding, and you went around to check on them individually.

Rachel came and taped your shoulder, with a headset on, “So, the guards are in their posts, and the front is ready to check people in.”

“Is there a line already?” You asked.

Rachel pressed down the headset, asking the crew on the other end.

“Yes, there’s a line of people outside,” she reported, “about twenty people, so far.”

"Shit, yeah, let them in. It's probably cold." You ordered.

“I’ll tell them,” she replied.

“Okay, everyone! We’re starting to let people in. Again, you all have about an hour left, so try to wrap things up and relax. Thank you!” You announced.

Again, sounds of understanding, and you, Westley, and Rachel left the backroom.

“Rachel, Westley and I are going to check that the ballroom area and catering are all handled. Please check in with the front desk to see how they're doing, and then meet us in the ballroom." You told.

“Got it, Y/N,” Rachel answered, walking past the two of you and towards the front area.

Westley appeared impressed. “She's terrific. She's even got the headset and everything."

"I know, right? She's cool." You remarked.

Like clockwork, you and Westley ran over the details and schedule for the catering and the after-party. Everyone had places to sit, with elegantly decorated name cards.

Everything was ready.

"Fantastic, thank you," you thanked the caterers and the staff in the ballroom. "Feel free to come into the runway area during the show if you all would like to watch."

With that, it was about time the show would start. You and Westley hurried backstage, where you both were handed microphones.

The lights dimmed, and classical music played—fitting the theme of elegance and high class.

You and Westley regarded each other, did an excellent handshake, and strutted out on the runway. Both of you were met with applause from the crowd and blinding spotlights.

You two walked to the end of the runway and let out an exhausted sigh.

The music quieted, faintly heard in the background.

“And that’s why I’m not a model,” Westley joked, causing the crowd to giggle.

“Same here,” you chuckled.

“Anyways, welcome to the show, everyone!” You cheered, and the crowd clapped. “As you know, I am Y/N, and this is Westley. Today, we’ll be showing recycled elegant clothes on people. Not just models, but people. All the clothes you'll be seeing here today are made from recycled fabrics and hand-crafted by our design team and me."

Applause.

"We wanted to represent people, so we got people to present our clothes. Redundant, I know, but the fashion industry rarely shows models that look like people. Don’t get me wrong, they’re all fantastic. However, this show will be different. Enjoy!” Westley waved.

A final round of applause while you and Westley walked off the runway.

The show went smoothly and wonderfully. The changes were fluid, and there were no clothing mishaps. The classical music turned into upbeat music that everyone seemed to groove to. Models danced on the runway while walking, and there were joyful cheers in the crowd.

In the end, you and Westley gave your brief thank you speeches, and months of planning and work were officially completed.

When everyone was backstage, you all collectively cheered.

“Phenomenal job, everyone!” You praised. “I am speechless at how well we all did. Thank you all for being such wonderful people to work with.”

Smiles and cheers were shared as everyone got ready for the after-party.

“Okay, remember that food is being served at six o’clock, and you all will be able to find your names at a table.” You reminded.

You and Westley did a quick check-up on people before heading to the ballroom area to socialize.

“Great job, you two!” Some complimented.

You and Westley thanked the praise and had a small talk with some colleges.

“Hey, Y/N!” You heard a familiar voice say.

You turned and say Hoseok with the rest of the boys, waving.

“Hey!” You smiled, nudging Westley to join you.

"Well, enjoy the after-party," Westley grinned at the other guests before joining you.

As always, the seven boys were well-dressed in designer suits. Hoseok wore lightly tinted shades paired with a dark suit and floral dress shirt. His hair was wavy.

“That was awesome, Y/N,” Namjoon said.

“Thank you!” You replied.

“Yeah, Y/N, I loved the recycled-fabrics idea. Are anything on sale?” Taehyung asked.

You nodded. "Everything will be on sale next month. I'll send you the dates, so you mark them in your calendar. The clothes go fast," you chuckled.

“Damn,” Taehyung remarked, eyebrows raised.

“Hey, Jimin,” Westley greeted.

“Hey West,” Jimin smiled, “loved your speech today. That suit looks great on you.”

“I know,” Westley smirked, “you look good too.”

"How are you feeling?" Hoseok asked, letting Westley and Jimin casually flirt.

You sighed. “Glad that it’s over, to be honest. It was fun, of course, but it's a lot of work to organize."

“Oh my god, is that Charlie Puth?” Jungkook gasped, hiding slightly behind Namjoon.

Everyone laughed.

"You should go and say 'hi,' Kook. You've already met and sung with him before. You two are practically friends." Yoongi expressed.

“True,” you agreed, “and Charlie’s a nice guy.”

“Okay,” Jungkook straightened his posture, “I’ll do it.”

You all watched Jungkook walk over and begin chatting with Charlie Puth.

“God, he’s grown up so much,” Seokjin sighed.

The rest of you caught up and chatted about the show.

Before you knew it, Westley was poking your side to let you know it was five minutes until six.

“Shit,” you cursed. “Sorry to cut this convo short, but Westley and I have to announce dinner. We’ll talk soon!”

You all said your goodbyes, and you and Westley went up to the front to state it was time for food.

You two were seated with Rachel, Allie, and a couple others. Everyone ordered off a menu, which served various kinds of pasta, salads, and a mix of alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages.

It was an excellent way to end off the show.

There was a dancefloor, too, where people could groove to music after eating.

Of course, the seven boys went to the dancefloor, which caused others to join.

You were finishing off your fettuccine alfredo when Hoseok danced over to your table. You chuckled as he held his hand out and quirked a brow.

“You’re ridiculous,” you said, taking his hand.

“You love it,” he smirked, pulling you off your chair and leading you to the dancefloor.

You danced together, along with your friends. He held your hands as you two swayed to the slow songs and body-rolled with you during the upbeat songs. Of course, a few BTS songs played, and everyone tried to follow the known choreography. You went back to your table for a drink of water, and Allie came with you. "Look, and you and Hoseok dancing up a storm," she teased. “Shut up,” you chuckled. “The chemistry is there, Y/N,” she commented. You drank your water. "Not now, Al." “Come on! He’s here for, what, the night and then gone tomorrow morning? When will you see him again?” She asked. You paused, honestly unsure when you'd see Hoseok again. “Now or never, Y/N. How much longer can you debate this?” “I know,” you replied. “I’ll do it later tonight.” Around nine-thirty, the party was dying down, with only a few guests scattered around the venue helping to clean up. You made eye contact with Allie, who was tending to the chairs, who nudged towards Hoseok’s direction. Now or never. You said in your head. “Can I speak to you, Hoseok?” You asked, walking up to him. “For sure!” He replied. You led both of you to a secluded part of the venue, away from listeners. “Did you enjoy the show?” You asked. “Yeah! You did a fantastic job, Y/N. I love how everything turned out, the colours, the recycled fabrics were great—and your suit! I can’t believe you made it,” Hoseok complimented, stepping back to look at your attire. “Thank you,” you blushed. You gave a quick look around to make sure no one was around. “Is everything alright, Y/N? You’re looking around as if they’re spies around.” He gasped. “Are there spies around? What secret don’t they know?” “I don’t want to have sex with you anymore.” You abruptly stated. A stretch of silence. Hoseok’s expression was a mixture of surprise and concern. “What?” “I can’t have sex with you anymore.” “You can’t or don’t want to? Is it something I did?” “Yes? No? In a way?” You pondered. You took a few deep breaths. "I like you, Hoseok—possibly even love you.” You ran your hand through your hair. “I know we agreed not to catch feelings, so I think we should stop having sex.” You watched his expression shift from some form of being happy to disappointment. “You know I cannot date with work,” he explained, "with the fans, touring, and whatnot, I cannot date someone. And you have your company to work on." “I know,” you replied. “But do you like me back?” You asked. “I do—” “You do?” You were on the verge of hugging him, but he stepped back. You looked at him, confused. “We can’t—” “Why?” “I literally just told you, Y/N. With work, dating wouldn’t allow it. I already have people—” He choked on his words. “People who wish I was dead, j-just for being me.” “Hoseok—” You reached out to him, but he gently pushed you away. “No,” he objected, “I’m fine. I just don’t want to add you to the mess.” “You can’t decide that for me.” You retorted. “I understand that you don’t want to add me to it, but I’m okay with it. I don't care what other people would say about us. They're not in the relationship, we are—" “But what if I care?” He said, almost too quiet for you to hear. “I’m the happy guy of BTS, who’s dedicated to his work.” “But are you truly happy?” You peered into him. “Yeah,” he replied, avoiding eye contact, “but it gets really hard sometimes.” “So, let me help, Hoseok,” you pleaded. "I don't need to be helped! I'm not another project for you to work on.” He thundered. “You know that’s not what I meant.” You seethed. “Let’s just drop it, okay? We’re not dating, that’s it.” He dictated. “Fine.” You replied. “Have a safe trip back home.” You left without another word, trying your best not to cry. Out of all the ways you thought he'd respond, this took you off guard. Hoseok wasn't one to push you away, but here he was doing so. “Fuck this,” you whimpered, walking up to Allie. “I’m going back to the hotel, sorry,” you said, turning away as soon as possible. “Y/N!”

You washed your face and hoped into the shower—the warm water soothing your sore muscles and emotions. You couldn’t tell if it was the water or your tears streaming down your face.

What else did you expect? Hoseok had a point: with his work, he couldn’t date someone. And it was ridiculous that Hoseok would want to date you.

However, instead of sulking over Hoseok, you decided to have a bath and put on a facemask.

The room’s phone rang while you were starting the bath.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Y/N Y/L/N?

“Speaking,” you confirmed.

“Great! There’s a man here, named,” a muffled noise, “Hoseok Jung.”

“Tell him I’m busy, please,” you replied.

Another muffled noise. “Hoseok says he's sorry and that he has ice cream—cookie dough. But if he’s dangerous, I can call the police.”

“No, no. God no,” you said.

You bit your lip. "You can send Hoseok up."

“Okay. However, if there’s anything wrong, please try to press the red button on the receiver. I will check back with you in an hour. If there’s no response, I’ll get someone to check on you.” They informed.

“Thank you,” you replied, slightly shocked by their concern.

You hung up.

A few minutes later, you heard a knock on the door. You tightened your robe.

You checked the peephole before cracking the door open.

“Hi,” you greeted.

“Hey," he smiled. "I'm sorry for leaving you like that at the party. It was sudden and insensitive. I should have been more considerate of your feelings rather than shutting you off.”

“I was just—scared. I don’t know what it’s going to be like for us. And I don't want you to fix me—but I like you, a lot—so I brought cookie dough ice cream and two spoons—"

“Do you want to come in?” You interrupted his nervous rambling.

“Yes, thank you,” he chuckled.

Hoseok still wore the suit from the fashion show, but his jacket was folded over his arm, and his dress shirt was unbuttoned lower.

“Oh, you’re running the bath,” he noticed. "We can deal with this later if it's a bad time."

“No, it’s alright. I’ll just turn off the water.” You replied, going to the bathroom to do so.

When you came back, Hoseok was sitting on the edge of your bed.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” You asked, sitting beside him.

He opened the ice cream tub, setting the lid on the desk and handing you one of the spoons.

“I was thinking you could talk more, actually; about how you feel," he replied, giving you the tub and angling himself to face you. "I just want to listen to you this time."

You gave a brief smile before spooning a small piece of ice cream into your mouth.

“Well, I just feel like we’re in this grey area of being really close but having sex. And we both like each other, and we said at the venue, and I just feel like we should just date then.” You set the ice cream and spoon down on the desk. “I get that work complicates things for you. But once we’ve confessed our feelings, I just don’t know what to call this—this friendship?”

Hoseok nodded.

"So, if you don't want to date, that's completely fine. I understand. However, we can't keep having sex like we used to; because I have feelings for you now, and you said you do too, so it's not a good mix."

“That’s fair,” he acknowledged.

“But what do you think? Like, how do you feel about us?” You asked.

He paused and set his spoon on the desk with yours. “I want to date you, Y/N. I just don’t want to get you hurt.” He softly grasped your hands. “The industry can be toxic, and I don’t want to subject you to that.”

“I understand,” you replied, “but I want to date you too, regardless of all the other bullshit. As cheesy as it sounds, all I want is you, Hoseok.”

Hoseok smiled but then pretended to gag.

“Hobi! I was romantic."

“Sorry, but that was so cheesy.” He cringed.

“So, do you want to just start dating, then?” You proposed. “We have the ice cream here; we can pretend to get to know each other more.”

He chuckled. “Sure. Let’s do that.”

Hoseok stood up and held his hand out to you. “Y/N Y/L, will you go on a date with me?”

You laughed but composed yourself. “I would love to, Jung Hoseok.” You took his hand, and he immediately sat back down.

“So, Y/N,” Hoseok began, handing you the partially melted ice cream and your spoon, “what do you like to do on the weekends?”

.

.

1 year later.

“I’m thinking of moving to Korea,” you said. Hoseok turned to you, surprised. “Really? But you’re not based here.” “I know,” you acknowledged, “but I can fly in and skype, or whatever. I can have a home base here, too.” You were visiting Hoseok for a couple weeks before you had to go back home for a clothing launch. Both of you were cuddling at his place when you brought up your idea of moving to Korea. “Of course, it wouldn’t be immediate. I would need to sort things out with Westley and Rachel and organize a place to stay here and a work area. The company is sturdy enough to handle the change.” You reasoned. “You could move in with me,” he suggested, turning his body to face you. “Are you sure?” “Yeah, why not. We’ve been dating for a while now, and it makes sense.” He shrugged. “Unless you don’t want to.” You kissed him. “No, I want to.” Both of you discussed what your move would be like and imagined living together. If you were to look back at how your relationship with Hoseok progressed, you would be shocked. In a matter of a few months, you and Hoseok went from friends to romantic partners. Although you had not come out publicly about your relationship, many people had a sense it existed; but that didn’t matter. You and Hoseok were in a secure and healthy relationship. It was long distanced, but you two made it work by visiting each other when you could and calling almost every day. The only thing that didn’t change was the sex—although it had gotten better. Nevertheless, so much has happened over the past year. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Mon 14 June ‘21

Louis Tomlinson Cooks is here!! Yeah it’s 100% for sure as delightful to watch Louis make himself a sandwich as you might have hoped, but how was his cooking? Well I’ll let Louis rate himself-- “I’m not gonna lie not that appetizing is it, I mean look at it,” he says when it comes time to taste his creation, plus, “chopping peeling slicing not great to be fair- everything else I’m all right” (he’s… not wrong, even aside from the peeler issues has this man ever held a knife??) but- “it probably tastes nice though as I said it’s not about presentation for me… [munches cutely]... it’s actually pretty banging, that’s actually quite nice!” Success! Maybe it’s cause he knows the secret to faking good cooking- “as you can see I don’t have a lot of cooking ability so the more butter the better,” I mean the experts can tell you, that’s advanced stuff right there! #Louis-aChild! Substituting mustard and ketchup for coleslaw is a bit of a bold move, but in a belated attempt to convince the kiddos to eat some healthy veg even though he won’t he does bravely try the cucumber strips despite being “not really a man for cucumber” and makes a pained attempt to be positive- “bit of crunch.” Oh and speaking of crunch I’m relieved to have learned that the waffle is NOT a waffle, it’s a crispy waffle shaped bit of potato; a much more reasonable fish sandwich addition than the American version of a potato waffle! Full Time Meals polled to see what people think of Louis cooking; the two choices are “it was amazing” and “the best,” THEY GET IT. My kind of Louis poll! Helen Seamons rated him a “10/10 for effort and entertainment”, Masterchef acknowledged Louis as one of their own, and Marcus Rashford keeps it simple- “my guy” with a lil heart. YEAH, SAME.

Harry showed up in Italy, where he was papped in Venice being driven around (with PA Luis) on a boat (as you do, in Venice). He’s in a cool embroidered Bode shirt and shades and fancy hair, looking good. He’s seen carrying his suitcase, taking photos, and resting his head on his arms looking like a model. One might think, since we just saw the My Policeman cast and crew on set celebrating the wrap of the shoot, that they were done filming and Harry was off to do something different, but nope, he’s there to film! The book has key scenes in Venice that folks had been wondering about the filming of, and David Dawson is also being boated around Venice for the paps, so, it seems that was just for the wrap of the *UK* filming, which makes sense I guess since it would mostly be different crew I imagine, and perhaps some of the main cast are done as well.

Liam’s NFT sale is happening tomorrow! If you’re confused and want more info, I’M NOT GONNA HELP THAT MUCH… uh but I mean you can check out Liam’s youtube video explaining though I would guess that won’t help much (even Liam thinks so; “there’s probably websites that explain a lot better than me” he admits). There is a roundup now posted of what’s on offer for the buyers of the NFTs but I’m gonna be really honest with you, I’m more confused now than I was before. It’s clear that there are only SIX LONELY BUG NFTs right? They for sure said that I believe. But the packages for each different piece (token bundles) seem to me like they’re available to multiple buyers? Like maybe you don’t get the NFT but multiple top bidders on each get the extras? Like they can’t be selling multiple copies of the NFT... can they?! Isn’t the WHOLE POINT that only one person gets to own it? I DON’T FUCKING KNOW I AM SORRY. What I think I understand to be true: the six NFT buyers get to go to “a once-in-a-lifetime immersive dining experience at Resorts World Las Vegas” (this is the dinner with Liam and “a selection of crypto leaders from around the world” which takes place on display inside a giant glass box) and also “a bespoke commemorative presentation box containing the world’s leading holographic display... with audio... and a custom made Lonely Bug commemorative coin,” and “a unique QR code directing the owner to a special ‘Director’s Cut’ edit of the short digital film ‘Making Of Lonely Bug Collection’ which features unreleased footage from the day of the drop showing the creators' reactions when the winning bids came in” (I mean YEAH I would think it’s unreleased it literally hasn’t happened?) But then there are really a lot of other extras including tickets with Meet & Greet access to any Liam Payne headline show around the world, admission to pool and cinema parties in Vegas with Liam, signed art, non-Liam extras (I will literally bid to NOT have 20 minute phone calls with those crypto entrepreneurs PLEASE… but that’s just me), and access to an online party hosted by Liam; I really get the impression many of these, especially the last one, are just crypto tokens that are for sale that aren’t linked to the main Lonely Bug NFTs and many more than 6 people can buy them but a lot of the extras I’m not clear on which it is. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll understand better WE WILL SEE.

Liam also dropped by the discord last night to say some hellos (after a “long long day”) and that he “bought a piece of NFT art of myself tonight I’m going to give it as a prize Monday night so someone can own a piece of art that was owned by me” (an even less tangible bragging point than simply owning an NFT wow that’s an achievement) and the most important update- “I want a French Bulldog”! Oh and he said “that’s like one I did myself” in his fanart channel to a pic of a tiny crocheted illustration of Louis and Harry holding up a rainbow flag. Didya Liam?? (...Liam is crocheting??) Anyway I recognize who it’s supposed to be because it’s based on a familiar piece of fanart, but Liam definitely might NOT realize it’s meant to be someone specific, and tbh I’m more <eyeballs> at him saying that at the rainbow flag crocheted thing than at it being shippy.

Our Song acoustic version is out this Friday!! And Niall talked about NH3 some in an interview today; “I’m in the studio most days, it feels really good. I’m kinda in the latter stages of it and then I’ll go get a band together and go in and record the whole thing. I’ve just kind of been writing for the past 9 or 10 months and really enjoying it” and “It sounds like a complete album. God knows when it’s coming out because I’d like to be able to get around the world to see all the fans as well” and “It’s different. It sounds a lot more grown up. I’m 27 so it’s about time. I really wanted to kinda cement a sound. The singles I’ve released previously have all been kinda different sounds. I would like to have my ballad sound & like a cemented uptempo sound.” He and Anne Marie also talked about one of the other songs they wrote together saying, “It’s kind of like a, how do you describe it- guitar driven meets Tom Petty meets Katy Perry meets…” but say “We haven’t really decided if we are putting it out yet, the conversations are kinda happening... but it’s completely different (from Our Song).”

[kyotakumrau]

GIGS No519 Interview 京 [Voice]

GIGS 2021 JUN released on April 27th (interview itself was done on April 6th)

The last solo interview is with Kyo. In the previous interviews, all band members from the music instrument squad all mentioned ‘simple’ in reference to Oboro. Yet how did he perceive the song and what feelings were put into the lyrics? Let’s discuss it thoroughly.

The most important thing is that I want to be able to let out honestly what I want express, what I see, what I felt or thought that one moment.

text: Yukinobu Hasegawa photos: Reishi Eguma translation: kyotaku (pls let me know if you see any mistakes!)

You can get GIGS 6月号 on Amazon Japan or HMV or CDJapan or TOWER RECORDS or other shops!

――It shows in the footage enclosed in the deluxe and first press editions of ‘Oboro’ that the songwriting for the new album started quite some time ago.

京   I was probably working on various things without thinking about a single, so I don’t really remember when was it. I’m working on songs aaaaaaaall the time (laughing). I don’t really grasp when each song was done or which one will become a single, so honestly speaking I don’t really know.

――You’re also doing sukekiyo. I have many chances to speak with sukekiyo members and they were surprised that ‘Kyo will be sending new songs ideas or melody anytime’ (laughing). Is your pace of coming up with ideas as high with DIR EN GREY?

京   On the contrary, I’m not saying much in case of DIR EN GREY. Just about ‘I’m looking forward to it’. I’m not writing songs, so upon listening to the demo of the song sent by other members I just give them my opinion like ‘how about we change it a bit like this?’ or ‘this way is good’.

――At the time you started writing songs did you already have an idea what you wanted for the next album?

京   I didn’t. Not at all, I felt I could read this and that about the album from the direction we were going from the atmosphere of the songs the members brought in earlier. In our case we often don’t have talks like ‘let’s make an album like this’. So, on the contrary I usually don’t say much about things like album image, I think we can make more irregular thing if I keep a flat position.

――So even you are looking forward to what kind of response you will have when listening to the song’s demo?

京   I am.

――Because of the spread of COVID-19 it’s hard to move around now, so how do you get input for the music, art and so on?

京   Nah, I don’t really do anything. If you ask about input... the most I do is watching various news.

――Do you feel that the things happening around you and around the world are something that drive you when you’re expressing yourself?

京   I’m sure they do. What I think when I see and feel various things, how I communicate that, it’s about that.

――The single ‘Ochita koto no aru sora’ you released last year had a digital release only thus there were no lyrics included, but fans listened to the song many times to try to understand the lyrics. As a result, I think they realized that it’s a song with a dreadful/intense message. Because lyrics include a such date as ‘㋇㏥・August the 6th’ among other things, there was a reaction also from fans around the world.

京   Frankly, I don’t check fans reactions. I don’t know what people will think after listening, but I don’t want to talk about the atomic bomb. In the end, the fighting continues, the same things keep happening again and again...like that. I think there are many issues, but there’s no right answer to them, it’s all just collisions of what we ourselves think is right and just. That’s why you can’t say that something is bad as a rule. It’s just one way of thinking, there are many ways we can look at things. For example, currently during the pandemic holding a concert is the right thing to do or not, won’t the answer and the way of thinking be different for every person? Now more than ever we got a situation when it’s very difficult to say ‘this is the way’. It’s the way I feel now seeing various things.

――Because of COVID-19 there’s a lot of hate crime against Asians in the US. It’s a crime, but the people who commit it may see it as an act of justice.

京   That’s true. There are also many other issues like the gender discrimination, in all of them Japan is seen as lagging behind. It can’t be simply denied because the situation now and in the past is different, depending on the country or culture the way people feel or think is also different. It’s a difficult issue, isn’t it?

――I think you write many lyrics that make us think about that. There’s not only grieving in ‘Ochita koto no aru sora’, there’s a positive message at the end. That really resonated with me. Do you feel like the way you express and communicate things has changed?

京   No, I don’t think anything changed.

――I’d like to talk about ‘Oboro’ now, it seems like it was a pick out of few songs. What was your impression when you listened to the original song?

京   It was like all demos felt more like the album songs than a single. It’s normal as we originally didn’t start working on them thinking about creating a single, most of the songs were intended for the album and we decided to finish one as a single. Recently we had many up-tempo singles, so I thought it would be a good idea to release a ballad, not as epic as previous ones, but a ballad that could be included on the album.

――What kind of response did you have when you listened to the original song for the first time? Talking about the lyrics, I thought that because of the pandemic it became difficult to move around, and the thoughts have turned inwards. You told me [at t an interview] some years ago that you had some traumatic events, I thought [lyrics] relate to them.

京   In terms of the worldwiev and lyrics, recently there were no lyrics directed at one person, a lot of them had a message from a very broad perspective, that’s why first thing I wanted to do was to have a narrower worldview. So when I listened to the original song and the scene emerged [in my mind], the past songs videos are very broad. This isn’t a continuation but it was a start for me to want to put something like that together. It’s not about my own trauma, it’s a narrow worldview inside a big worldview. And without using grotesque expressions, I wanted to depict various feelings like love or hatred, and wrote lyrics with that in mind.

――The past songs you mentioned were also songs that had music videos made for them at the time. I was actually watching the video and having a flashback. The pain and agony of a woman, and I dare say her feelings about her aborted baby. That’s what gives a shape [to the new song]. At the moment is your expression or the direction of what you want to bring up in your lyrics changing?

京   I don’t mean it like we all should try being positive (thinking about the future) together, but as one should think about various things, I always want to write about what we think is the right path or what is just. But as I said before, what is right varies per person. It’s something I want to write about on the next album in the future.

――In other words, like stabbing/piercing each person’s feelings?

京   Well, yes. I think I’ve been thinking like that since the last album The Insulated World, but this time I’d like to go further into that direction... I mean it’s not like I have something precise I want to convey or I want to bring up this and that. The most important thing is that I want to be able to let out honestly what I want express, what I see, what I feel or think that very moment.

――As your age and work experience accumulate, I think people’s ideas and thinking will also change. What can you think of [that has changed] in the last few years?

京   Nothing (laughing). It’s not something you know about yourself. On the contrary I want to stay without changing. To change because the world is becoming a certain way is really not like me, I was always my own type of person, so I want to continue as I am. This is something I’m saying all the time, but I hate fixed ideas, I want to be always free to express myself. But there’s not much freedom in the world nowadays. Besides the problem with COVID-19, many countries have civil wars. That’s where we learn the importance of freedom again, and I also wondered if having a lot of freedom is not justice. When you start thinking like that it messes with your head, but I want to be free just in the world of expression. I feel like this is a one right no one can take away from me.

I think the most negative thing, for fans, for the band and for me, is not being able to show our real selves at the concerts.

――Are you taking that stance now as well when you’re writing for an album?

京   Nah, I haven’t written anything yet. We’re in the early stage of pre-production, so it’s not the point where I write lyrics yet. The songs are still in the middle of being changed, so it’s like I want to see more of them. Also, most songs don’t have a melody decided for them. And what I feel and think, what I want to express, things inside of me are changing every day. I want to be able to pack as current me as possible into [the lyrics], and to put into lyrics as recent images from the songs as possible, so I haven’t decided on them yet.

――Did you write the lyrics for ‘Oboro’ just before song-writing time as well?

京   Yeah. After the length/scale of the song is mostly decided in pre-production next is a step when I’m inserting temporary lyrics and then start recording.

――You have a [recording] vocal booth at home, so did you record ‘Oboro’ deciding the vocal direction by yourself?

京   If it was different, I probably wouldn’t be singing. I don’t want to go to a studio outside (laughing).

――Do you sing creating an environment for the song’s world like getting your room all dark when recording?

京   Nah, I’m a person who doesn’t do things like that, I can do it anywhere as long as I have a vocal booth. Just, I sing when I want to sing. When using a studio from what time and until what time is decided, engineers have their schedules, so even if I’m not happy with something and want to rerecord it, it takes time to get ‘let’s listen to it’ or ‘I’m gonna organize data’. And sometimes that timing doesn’t match my own rhythm. And, there are times when I want to sing soon after waking up or want to sing when I’m anguished not being able to sleep. I value this kind of speed so I can’t record outside my house anymore.

――In ‘Oboro’, even the trembling of your throat when your voice comes out got recorded, which helps the listener to get into the song even more. What were you looking for in terms of singing?

京   It’s a bit old-fashioned, isn’t it? In the past I was singing with my emotions so my mannerism/habits would really come out hard. After that I tried to get rid of them as much as possible, and as much as possible tried singing putting emphasis on the pitch and timing. For example, when the timing of each sound in first A melody and second A melody didn’t match perfectly, I would be unhappy, but now I just sing naturally so the timing can be a bit off. I deliberately sing with the feelings that were matching the flow of the song, so I don’t record with the intention of singing perfectly.

――You absolutely prioritise the emotions?

京   That’s right. But in case of ‘Oboro’, the lyrics don’t have a worldview where the emotions get stirred up to just burst out. They are hidden inside, I thought it would be interesting to sing in a restrained way without exploding. With that point, I recorded the song with the emphasis on the flow of the song. And I think I will keep that point the same when recording the album.

――There was a time when you were thinking like drawing a blueprint with many different voice tones and the arrangement of the choruses, it was interesting for you to play tricks with them, right?

京   There was a time when I pulled that out as a part of me, but now I want to pull other parts out. Increasing the things I can pull out, if I think the approach you just described is good, I just have to drag it all out. When I listen to the album as a whole, if I think there’s not enough appeal, I’d try a more gimmicky approach. In the end I won’t be satisfied with myself. I want to keep searching for more and more new ways, not only sing the way I’ve sung before.

――You had this kind of attitude from the start. As a coupling song for the single you have a customary self-remake song. This time it’s ‘TDFF’, to listen to the original song from the past again... ah, you don’t do it. I’m shaking my head for jumping into your answer (laughing).

京   I just briefly look at the old lyrics and decide I want to keep this part, I don’t need this part and so on. To some extend in myself I’ll just extract some part and from there extend the image and add things to it.

――Is it like breathing new life into a song?

京   Nah, it’s just the 2021 version. If we redid it now it’d look like this. We wanted to keep as many good parts as possible, but there were also parts where we felt ‘here it’d have been better to go with this’, so they got changed in the current version.

――By changing the song to a newest version can you see your attitude towards the singing or your thoughts?

京   I’m always putting in the things I’m feeling at that time, so I think to an extend I can see it. But it was originally a simple song, so it was easy.  

――It was also recorded in your vocal booth at your home, right? I think I’d actually like to have a peek at you singing to see what’s it like (laughing).

京   Ah, it’s a really simple booth about the size of the phone booth. There’s a small thing working as a desk and I put my computer there, singing while sitting down and using a hand-held mic. I don’t want to use a recording standard stand mic. I want to sing as much as possible the same way I sing at concerts. But there’s no space for me to stand up so I sing sitting down (laughing). But in my case, it doesn’t matter if I’m singing standing or sitting down or sleeping (laughing).

――It doesn’t really affect your concentration.

京   I usually can finish recording one song in less than 2 hours, so I think anyone can concentrate for about 2 hours (laughing).

――The 3rd song on the single is a live track. How do you feel about performing without the audience?

京   Honestly speaking the songs that require a response [from the fans] were a bit tiring, but there was no change with the songs focusing on the worldview or the songs that just explode. Doing it naturally is about doing it naturally. I haven’t listened to that live track yet, but yeah.

――But yeah (laughing). Did you choose the song that got the most votes?

京   Nah, I’m okay with any live track. Like ‘please choose whichever you want’, I leave it to the other members or the people in the company. Concert is a raw thing (=unedited, live), I had many live tracks in the past where my voice was all messed up or where I was singing cleanly. That’s why now I don’t have anything that would make me go ‘wait, this is a bit...’. I think the me from that time is packed there so anything is fine.

――You’re soon going to have a first in a while concert with the audience on May the 6th. I think you might answer ‘not at all’, but how are you approaching it?

京   Today I was at the concert film screening event in Osaka, and we talked there about the concert. And I said there that because it’s still a month away I don’t think about it (laughing). Listen, if you were told you will be having this and that for dinner in a month, you would listen with only half an ear being ‘yeah got it’ (=you’d forget it next moment) (laughing). I start thinking about it about a week before the concert. I’m not the type of person to go ‘I’ll do my best!’, I’ll just let out my honest feelings at the time.

――During the time when you didn’t have the type of space or time that is a performance with the audience, were there any moments when you started wondering ‘what are concerts?’ and so on?

京   No, there weren’t. There were moments when I felt like I’d like to do a show, but I didn’t really think about things like ‘why are we doing concerts?’ or ‘what are concerts for me?’. It’s not like all my music activities stopped, so I didn’t have a moment to think that deeply about it. If anything, rather than us I think it’s the fans who were thinking about it.

――Because for many people concerts are something they live for. Kyo, you’re looking healthy.

京   There were times when it was very hard for me mentally, I don’t know what was the reason. Now... I’m trying not to think too much about unnecessary things. I’m trying to only think about what’s in front of me or about things I’m able to do now, I’m trying not to push myself too much. I’m trying to accept myself as I naturally am. But even then, there are still things that keep piling up, making me worry endlessly. I wish I would be able to let them erupt at concerts. I think the most negative thing, for fans, for the band and for me, is not being able to show our real selves at the concerts.

[mostlycompetentwriter]

Chan Request!!

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Chan

Warnings: Language and Mature Content (Not really smut since the request didn’t seem to ask for it)

Genre: Idol AU

Request:

A/N: lots of people seemed interested in this one so...

When you woke-up that morning, you immediately reached out to the left on instinct, expecting contact with another sleeping form. It was your first sign that something was wrong, fingers ghosting through empty air, and you peeled your eyes open to confirm that Chan was already gone.

You grimaced at the faint flicker of irritation in the pit of your stomach because this was the third morning in a row in which Chan had left with no prior warning. The pattern was getting old.

Did he think you wouldn’t notice?

Of course you were bound to notice. Chan was supposed to be your partner. That invited a level of trust and transparency that simply couldn’t excuse these continued absences when you needed him. 

It didn’t used to be this way, especially at the beginning of your relationship. For the longest time, you had both tried to hide it from the rest of the group, especially knowing that your manager’s would disapprove, but it was hard to lie when Seungmin accidentally walked in on you and Chan with the latter’s cock down your throat.

Still, the honeymoon phase of your relationship lasted for a long time, and even when you had problems along the way, you and Chan always managed to work things out. 

It was the best part of your deep connection, but recognizing how distant he had grown lately made you reconsider everything. There was a point when you could hardly leave your bed without Chan finding a way to initiate something like getting each other off or managing a quickie with Chan’s hand placed over your mouth to keep your moans to a minimum. 

Frowning, you forced yourself to leave the lingering warmth of your bed sheets, squeezing your legs into skin-tight jeans, abandoned on the floor from when you had quickly thrown off your clothes before going to sleep last night.

It was another unpleasant reminder of Chan because after waiting hours for Chan to come home, you figured he had decided to spend the night at the studio. But you were vastly mistaken when he slunk into your room at around 4:00 in the morning, whispering a greeting to you after sliding under the sheets. You had slept more soundly once his arm was around your waist, deluding yourself into believing that you could forgive him for staying out so late.

Especially since Chan worked so hard to produce the songs that decorated your group’s track listings, and with the album deadline approaching for the end of the month, he was practically working himself into the ground, 

There was also very little time in his overcrowded schedule left for you, and that certainly didn’t bode well for how much you longed for Chan between your legs....

“Y/N! Breakfast is ready!”

“Coming,” you shouted back at the door, annoyed that someone had interrupted your daydream fantasies.

Especially since it was the closest you had been to Chan in weeks.

It was probably Jisung’s interruption since he insisted on being the annoying little brother you could rarely escape, but it wasn’t his fault that you were in such a bad mood. 

“Good morning,” he immediately chirped when you opened the door, gaze bright with mischief.

You grumbled a greeting in return to your bandmate. “Why are you on the girl’s side of the dorm?”

Jisung scoffed. “Oh, so Chan can have all the access he wants, but I’m the one scolded for just saying hello?”

You rolled your eyes at his tone. “Whatever. Who cooked this morning?”

“Felix did,” Jisung replied, and you perked up a bit knowing that one of your youngest group mates had taken the time to flex his impressive cooking skills - it had to be better than Changbin’s attempt at frying eggs.

“Let’s go,” you said, dragging a petulant Jisung behind you as you both sauntered down the staircase together, joining the others in the part of the house where everything opened up into the common area.

Your managers didn’t mind so much when you were all together in the shared space of the living room and kitchen, but that certainly didn’t stop unmitigated romps between your male and female colleagues.

Your group was a rarity in the music world: comprised of twelve members, including eight of the boys and three of your closest girl pals who had all agreed to audition with you on an unforgettable summer afternoon. 

The fact that you were all accepted into the same company, under the same group name, was even more of a blessing in disguise. You could always rely on them whenever you needed advice, and you had steadily grown closer to the rest of the guys over the years.

Next month marked your fifth-year anniversary (it concurred with your 1st-year anniversary with Chan), and your group was planning to release an album to celebrate, including some previously unreleased gems that Chan had kept hidden on his computer’s hard drive.

Everyone was excited, but the tension of trying to be the best and accomplish everything on time was always weighing heavily on all of your group mates’ shoulders.

Chan was, of course, taking it worst of all, and you were seething beneath the surface when you spotted him at the table sitting between Changbin and Hyunjin, eating breakfast with his eyes glued to his phone screen.

Why didn’t Chan ask you to come to breakfast with him?

“Y/N’s here,” Jisung announced, abandoning your side for his usual spot between Lisa and Sana.

Several of your group members mumbled greetings, but you were disappointed to discover that Chan hadn’t even looked up from his phone.

“Thanks, Felix,” you whispered when you sat down next to the blonde-haired singer, immediately peeling into the croissant that he served you.

“Is everyone coming to the studio later?” Minho asked, summoning your attention. “We need to go over the choreo one more time.”

Your muscles screamed in protest, but you reluctantly nodded your head. Meanwhile, Jisung let out an exaggerated groan at the thought of another six-hour practice.

“You need it the most,” Minho teased him, and you smiled at the good-natured jab between the two.

At the same time, you watched as Chan rose from his seat, depositing his plate into the sink. You rose to meet him halfway to the door where he stuffed his arms into the sleeves of his leather jacket.

“Chan, do you have plans tonight?” you sheepishly inquired, wincing when you realized how ridiculous it was for you to walk on eggshells around your boyfriend and group mate.

“Busy,” he grumbled, and he didn’t even bother to look in your direction on his way out the door.

Later on at practice, there was an obscene amount of sweat in places where it shouldn’t be, and you were just about tired of Chan’s constant criticism.

For the entirety of your dance practice, Chan had taken every opportunity to berate your group members for even the most minor of mistakes, including your own. 

“Y/N!” Chan barked, and you flinched at his harsh tone, sucking in deep breaths to satiate your demanding lungs. “We’ve been practicing this for weeks!”

It was the fifth time that he had stopped the song at the introduction of the chorus - the part where you were supposed to do a backflip into frame. 

Apparently, Chan thought that your form was sloppy, and you bit your tongue to snap back at him. Obviously, he couldn’t seem to comprehend that you were hurting, and he was forcing everyone to endure hour after hour of constant movement. 

“Get your head on straight!” Chan insisted, and for some peculiar reason, it wasn’t anger or frustration with Chan that had you pausing.

It was a far more heart-wrenching combination:

Sadness.

Bitterness.

Shame.

They bombarded you all at once, and you barely managed to swallow back the onset of tears before you were storming out of the practice room, ignoring Chan’s calls of your name.

It was instinctual for you to find refuge in the empty studio rooms on the top floor of your company building - where most people tended to avoid.

You could always find solace in the quiet between four walls, pressing down against the keys of the electric keyboard attached to the big, fancy computer monitor.

The same tedious note played over and over again, but it seemed like the perfect metaphor for your life at that moment.

Especially your relationship with Chan.

But the silence was never permanent, and you used the sleeve of your jacket to wipe away the fresh evidence of tears when you heard the door to the studio room opening.

You immediately turned around, heart-sinking in your chest when you realized that it was Changbin instead of Chan.

“Hey, Binnie,” you said, feeling his gaze on you as he entered the empty studio room.

“What happened earlier?” he asked, always blunt and straight to the point as he drug a chair closer to where you sat.

“Just frustration,” you said.

“With yourself?” Changbin asked, but his tone left much to be imagined, and you grinned at his astuteness.

“With Chan too.”

“Yeah,” Changbin nodded - like it made perfect sense. “I can tell.”

“He’s been preoccupied with the album,” you said. “I get that it’s more important than me.”

“Hey!” Changbin protested. “You know that’s not true.”

His soft and sympathetic tone almost made you start crying afresh. “He doesn’t have time for me anymore.”

Changbin was quiet, studying you intently. “Chan gets wrapped up in what he’s doing too easily. It’s like this zone for him, and nothing else is allowed in that zone except for music and lyrics.”

“So, there’s no space for me?”

“I think there should be,” Changbin countered. “And you need to tell him that.”

You sighed at the thought of confronting Chan after everything that had happened earlier. “I don’t know...”

“Be honest with him, Y/N,” Changbin said, and he reached out to squeeze your hand in reassurance. “Everyone knows that Chan loves you more than anything.”

“He has a funny way of showing it,” you scoffed.

“So tell him that,” Changbin said - like it could be so simple.

Or....maybe it was?

That night, you knocked on Chan’s bedroom door twice before entering at his gentle inquiry.

“Hey,” you said, hesitating in the doorway.

“Y/N,” Chan said, and you were surprised to see him close the laptop screen, patting the empty spot next to you on the mattress. “Come here.”

You swallowed hard, forcing your feet into gear as they brought you to his bedside. “I didn’t want to bother you-”

“You’re not,” Chan said, and his gaze was chastened as he sighed. “Changbin talked to me earlier...”

“Of course he did,” you grumbled, planting yourself next to him.

“Yeah...” Chan trailed off again. “I guess I owe you an apology.”

You frowned. “For what exactly? Seems like I’m the one who got in the way. Guess you haven’t really needed me these past few weeks.”

“Are you kidding, Y/N?” Chan frowned, leaning up to kiss you suddenly and unexpectedly. “Of course I always need you.”

You could barely contain your smile, pulling apart to sigh happily at his reassurance. “It’s just...I know we have the album, but I thought we could still do the little things like we used to.”

Chan nodded, gaze contemplative. “I’ve been ignoring you without even realizing it.”

You allowed your eyes to fall. “And in practice today...”

“That was uncalled for,” Chan interrupted. “I should’ve never raised my voice. The stress I’m feeling shouldn’t punish everyone else...especially you.”

His tone was earnest, and you could feel your shoulders dropping with every word. “Changbin was the one who said I should talk to you.”

“He was right,” Chan said, leaning in closer again. “You can always come to me, yeah?”

“I really didn’t feel like I could,” you admitted.

“Then that’s my fault,” Chan said. “It’s something I need to work on cuz’ we’re in this together, Y/N.

He smiled then. “You aren’t getting rid of me anytime soon.”

You giggled at his teasing. “I can’t help it that I like you so much.”

“The feeling’s mutual,” Chan whispered, eyelids drooping when he watched you move your hand against his thigh, coming to rest at the interesting outline at the front of his sweatpants.

“I’ve also really needed you.”

“Are you gonna put me in my place, love?” Chan asked, and you hated the arrogant smirk taunting you just as much as your shameless act of groping his cock through the front of his pants.

“Yeah,” you grinned. “I can do that for you.”

It took less than a second for Chan to roll over top of you, grinning in a self-satisfied way as he slowly pulled your shorts and panties down your thighs. 

You watched him with a contented groan as he threw them into the floor, parting your thighs to make room for him. Closing your eyes at the first swipe of his tongue against your slit, searching for a familiar mess of curls through a narrowed line. “I’ll make it all better, love,” Chan promised, and your fingers shot out to find purchase against his strong shoulders, arching your back at the promise of a night you couldn’t possibly forget.

[voice-of-anarchy]

ARCH ENEMY's ALISSA WHITE-GLUZ Is Continuing Work On Debut Solo Album

ARCH ENEMY frontwoman Alissa White-Gluz has revealed to Metal Hammer magazine that she moved to southern Germany temporarily during the pandemic in order to work on the band's upcoming album, "Deceivers", which is scheduled for a July 29 release via Century Media.

"I ended up staying in Europe for an entire year," she said. "I didn't want to risk being far away from our hub, which is basically in Sweden and Germany, and not being able to get back to it. I rented a car and found a little home for myself in southern Germany; I stayed there for a whole year. I set up a studio down there and continued working on a lot of solo material."

Asked if this means her long-in-the-works solo debut will finally arrive in the not-too-distant future, Alissa said: "Yeah, I'm working on that, but it's gonna come out way after 'Deceivers'. The ARCH ENEMY album is the one people should be looking forward to right now."

Back in 2017, Alissa said that her debut solo album would feature collaborations with a member of KAMELOT and at least one of her bandmates in ARCH ENEMY.

The ARCH ENEMY frontwoman said that the idea for a solo project came about as a suggestion from the band's former lead singer Angela Gossow, who has been managing ARCH ENEMY's career for more than a decade and also oversees Alissa's personal affairs.

"[Angela] was, like, 'Well, you need something. You need something that you can do, because I know you're a workaholic and you're not gonna be able to just sit there like this waiting for the next ARCH ENEMY tour,'" Alissa told France's Duke TV. "And she's totally right — I needed something else to be able to work on. And also, I have a lot of ideas that maybe don't sound like ARCH ENEMY and it would be kind of silly to just force them into ARCH ENEMY."

According to White-Gluz, her debut solo album will be released under the ALISSA banner because she wanted to "keep it simple" and "make it very clear who it is and what it is." In order to make the disc, Alissa "did a huge life overhaul," which included building a studio and investing a lot of time and money into learning how to engineer and record, program drums and improving at playing guitar. "Of course, on the album itself we're gonna have real musicians playing all of these things, but in terms of just getting the style down and the songwriting, it's something that I need to start on my own," she explained to Duke TV.

At the time of the Duke TV interview, half of Alissa's solo effort had been written, and it contained some musical surprises. "It doesn't really sound like ARCH ENEMY — it's pretty different — but I think it's pretty cool," she said. "For example, a song that I'm writing with Oliver [Palotai, keyboards] from KAMELOT doesn't sound like KAMELOT and it doesn't sound like ARCH ENEMY, but it's members of both."

Former NEVERMORE guitarist Jeff Loomis, who joined ARCH ENEMY in late 2014, didn't have any of his songwriting ideas included on the latter band's last album, "Will To Power", but will play a prominent role on Alissa's upcoming disc.

"Jeff didn't write with Michael [Amott, ARCH ENEMY guitarist and main songwriter], because Michael was already writing so well with Daniel [Erlandsson, ARCH ENEMY drummer] that we just actually had too many ideas," White-Gluz told France's Loud TV in a separate interview. "But all of Jeff's ideas are really good and I've heard them and they're gonna be released, so people will hear them… Jeff is gonna be one of my collaborators on my solo project, because how can you say no to that? [Laughs]"

[betweenthetimeandsound]

Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#29)

#29: Ofra Haza -- Hi (Israel 1983)

“שמעו, אחיי, אני עוד חי ושתי עיניי עוד נישאות לאור רבים חוחיי, אך גם פרחיי ולפניי שנים רבות מספור”

“Listen, my brothers, I’m still alive And both my eyes still look into the light Many are my thorns, but also my flowers And I have countless years ahead of me”

Like with Kan (#31), Hi might be seen in bad taste if it was released today. However, unlike the former, Hi firmly celebrates the Jewish people's survival, and it's in more than just the vivacious and hopeful lyrics.

For the contest in Munich, where a lot of events relating to Nazi Germany occurred (the Beer Hall Putsch, the first concentration camp in Dachau just outside the city, the Munich Agreement of 1938), Ofra Haza and her backing vocalists strolled on stage and happily exclaimed that they were still alive despite all the bad the world has done with them. You wouldn't tell with the minor-key composition--the Israeli national anthem also has this combination--so you could hint at the pain hidden through the song.

Though already brazen in the studio cut, the orchestral version just amplifies it, from the brass to the string section. This happens through a lot of the 1983 songs (including #246 and #97 on this countdown, for example), but for Hi, it adds the sprinkles to a beautiful honey cake. The piano intro is emphasized a lot, followed by the verses, in which it keeps up the momentum. When it gets to the chorus, it just brings Hi to life! You could hear the musical punch it gives, especially compared to the studio cut.

And of course, Ofra's vocals gently carry the song, albeit with a certain bite. She sings of the Jewish people's determination to survive, telling how her grandfather sung this song to her father, and then to her now. Beyond the contest, she showed off her connection to her Yemenite roots; a year later, she released an album of Yemenite Songs which would be her breakthrough. The remix of Im Nin'alu was her biggest hit, though for a long time, I only knew her through her rendition of Yerushalayim shel Zahav (Jerusalem of Gold). It's absolutely beautiful.

Ofra Haza was not the first Yemenite Jew on the Eurovision stage, nor was she the last (three of Israel's four winners were of Yemenite descent) but was probably the most notable of them. Her career afterward mixed parts of her cultural heritage with modern music, which allowed a bridge between her two worlds. Ayelet Tsabari would later write this about her in The Art of Leaving (which I highly recommend):

"...in a world where the actors on TV and the singers on TV were Ashkenazi and the models in magazines were Ashkenazi, there was Ofra, the simple Yemeni girl from Ha'tikva neighborhood whose star shone brighter than anyone's, who made it against all odds, and who looked like me, or like one of my own prettier cousins." (39)

Basically, a lot of reasons why Hi should've won--rousing song, talented singer, beautiful orchestration and a clear connection to the country it's from. I have two more runners-up on this 250, but no other deserves to take the crown more.

Personal ranking: 1st/20 Actual ranking: 2nd/20 in Munich

Final Impressions on:

--1983: Germany's first hosting didn't showcase their world-famous efficiency, as the production was less than ideal. Marlene, their host, went over everything in English, French, and German, which extended the contest to the three hour mark for the first time. Plus she called the Norwegian conductor "Johannes Skorgan", haha. #allora.

But what the production lacked, the song quality more than made up for. I like just over half the songs; even the ones I didn't fancy had their charms (except Opera, haha). The German concert orchestra does a good job in interpreting them--if I did a personal list of favorite orchestrations of all time, I fear that I might overloading on this year when it came to the top.

The glaring flaw was with the winner--Si la vie est cadeau is a descent song on its right, and the verses were especially strong. It just falls flat by the chorus and doesn't convince itself after that (though Michel Bernholc did the orchestration). And as much as I iike French ballads, this one set the contest back quite a bit, which took until the mid 1990s to recover from.

--Israel: Just like their international reputation, Israel seems to be quite polarized in Eurovision. When they send good entries, like Hi, they are really good. But when they send bad entries, they are really bad. Of course, they have some average songs, but they don't stand out as much as those at the extremes. What I can say, regardless, is that they add a bit of spice to the Eurovision party, and we can all appreciate it for doing so.

[bts-weverse-trans]

201124 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - J-Hope

j-hope: “Even just one, single love is beautiful, but we’re getting love from all over the world” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.24

On April 28, j-hope streamed a Log ( ON ) video of his dance warm-up on BTS’s YouTube channel, BANGTANTV. Over the course of an hour and four minutes, he stretches out his whole body, gradually advances from small motions up to big movements, and demonstrates more of his other techniques. And he didn’t leave out his cooldown exercise, either. This has been j-hope’s life as a BTS member for the past seven years.

A whole lot happened this year. j-hope: Like I said in another interview, it’s been a roller coaster of a year. It started out with our performance at the Grammys, which was really, really, great, and then Map of the Soul: 7 came out, which was great, too, and then it plummeted. With COVID-19 happening, I did a lot of thinking, did some studying, then everyone met “Dynamite” and we had some great results. And the ride repeated. Roller coasters are scary, but you keep thinking about them even after you get off. That’s how I felt about this year: it was scary, but memorable.

One of those memorable things must be how “Dynamite” topped the Billboard Hot 100 but you never had a chance to actually go to the U.S. j-hope: So when we got first place, we couldn’t even check the charts. We were asleep. We checked when we woke up, and there we were, at the top. But then we went straight to work. (laughs) We had to film something here in Korea. It was hard to enjoy ourselves, the whole situation being what it was, but it was all right because we could still enjoy it together.

You must have had a lot on your mind, making BE during this kind of year. j-hope: I tend to think of BTS albums as being a reflection of the whole team, but this time I thought of it as putting in the stories I wanted to tell, making it my music and infusing myself into the new album while still being a BTS album. It turned out to be right at home with BTS’s color, and the whole team’s energy led to an even bigger synergy.

What made you think to go in that direction? j-hope: We started this album off by getting together and asking what kind of story we wanted to tell. The end result of that conversation was, “Well, hey, we still have to live with this situation; we can’t give up.” And from there, “Life Goes On” was born, and then we got to work on the stories we each wanted to tell. I think it sounds more raw, since we tried to capture the emotions we felt living through the pandemic.

I imagine you each had a lot of songs you wanted to include, and that your opinions were probably all a bit different. How did you compromise on the final product? j-hope: None of us made any kind of plan. We’d listen to a track and someone would ask, “Hey, anybody wanna give this a try?” and someone else would say, “Me! I’ll do it.” We just did it that way. There were clashes, too. When each person starts to speak louder, it’s hard to find a common ground. But we’ve always been good at communicating with one another, and we know when to back down or be gracious, so everything went smoothly including planning for the unit songs.

How did each of you choose your songs? You put “Dis-ease” on the album. j-hope: There’s one song where we were working in the studio and someone said, “That track wasn’t very good, was it? Jung Kook’s one before was better” and we’d switch on the spot. The song would be done recording and we talked to the label and ended up switching it out. We listened to it all together and said, “What about this?” And that’s how we decided. So then “Life Goes On” was done, and I wasn’t sure if “Dis-ease” would be on the album. We gave the seven songs from each member to Jimin, who was project manager, and he suggested we listen to them first and then get feedback from people inside the company. I think it was one of the stories each member could feel was his own.”

Where did you get the idea for the theme of “Dis-ease”? j-hope: First, I wanted to get into the mindset that this song is a sickness. When I make a song, I work on the chorus first, and then move onto the first verse. When I had only finished the chorus the song felt upbeat, but I thought the overall theme shouldn’t be too playful. That wouldn’t reflect how I felt. But while the theme of “Dis-ease” itself isn’t very light, when it fuses with the beat, it feels as if the song is trying to get over itself and stay positive. So I threw some scratching into the chorus and put in some “bbyap bbyap bbayp” and then started to think, “Aha! I’d better call this song ‘Dis-ease.’ ”

I didn’t expect you to write a song portraying your love–hate relationship with your work as a disease. A lot of people would expect you to have a positive, hopeful attitude, given your name. j-hope: I was too busy to ever give much thought about the work itself. But, as you know, that suddenly changed, and there was a lot we could no longer do. When I was working, I’d say, “Ugh, I need a break,” but then we took time off and the words, “Ugh, I want to work,” jumped out of my mouth! That’s what made me think more closely: “Why is this bothering me? I have a chance to rest—just take it. Why do I feel like I need to work under these circumstances? Is this an occupational disease?” I felt like this was a part of me that I could express at this point in time.

This is the first time in your lyrics I’ve heard how hard you push yourself to be successful. It made me wonder about the burden you felt about work over the past seven years. j-hope: Out of habit, I would say, “I’m okay; I have hope,” and keep working, but I think I was just avoiding my work-related problems rather than facing them head on. The nice thing about music is that I can say what’s on my mind, even feeling of sadness or depression, in beautiful ways.  I don’t usually express those feelings but this time I wanted to try.

It sounds like you have lots of different thoughts about work. j-hope: With my work? Well, actually, I’m not sure. Work is kind of an ugly duckling. Work gives me good energy but there’s energy you get from resting. But someone like me feels alive when they’re working, so I need to keep moving and keep doing. I feel anxious when I stop and content when I go. Every once in a while I don’t want to work, but I can’t not work.

You’re saying you and work go well together? j-hope: Exactly. It’s easier just to think simple. If you think too hard, that’s when things get difficult. Because I’m me, I can’t just keep it simple all the time, but I’m trying my hardest to do my best.

Thinking simple isn’t always so simple. j-hope: Yeah. Maybe it’s because I don’t have many problems to deal with. I feel uncertainty because of that. Uncertain about how my identity will be affected if I do encounter some great hardship.

BTS has faced a lot of hardship, though, right? j-hope: That is also true. (laughs) But the team wouldn’t have kept going if it’d just been me cheering ourselves on. We’re possible because we all think the same way. I wonder if we would’ve been able to come this far if it was just me saying, “Let’s go, guys!” That’s why I’m even more thankful to the other members.

What do those emotional changes affect your music? j-hope: I didn’t want to make an overly cheery song this time. I thought it would be best to do some softer songs about the way I was feeling this whole time, so I chose “Dis-ease” as well as “Fly to My Room.” The other members also thought, “Yeah, we’ve done a lot of bright songs, so it should be fine if we try it this way, too.” “Blue & Grey” is like that, too. I love that song.

You have a completely different voice when you rap on “Blue & Grey.” Did your rap style also change, along with your emotions? j-hope: I wanted “Blue & Grey” to sound like I was talking, actually. The tone and feel of my voice changes a lot depending on how I vocalize my rap.  I noticed that a lot this time. Namjoon actually helped me a ton. His part was after mine, so I turned to him and said, “Maybe it would sound better if I did it like this,” and tried it out. Then I used his advice and found the right sound.

How does it feel moving away from your normal style? j-hope: It’s really refreshing. I thought it wouldn’t work but I think it did after all. And I always thought this was a feel that I wanted to give it a try. For me, BE is sort of like the first step down an unfamiliar path, so there were parts that were challenging, and also parts that were a welcome change.

I think your rap in “Dis-ease” demonstrates that change well. Instead of trying to keep time in the intro, your flow just follows the story. j-hope: I made sure not to overthink anything this time. It ended up sounding natural because I just matched the rhythm of the words as they left my mouth. And it was refreshing because I haven’t done a long verse like in “Dis-ease” in forever. When we rap, there tend to be four or eight-ish lines; I thought I’d try and pack in a verse with sixteen. It also helped because the lyrics came out before many of the other things for this song.

The music makes “Dis-ease” sound upbeat, but then there’s a surprising message: “To be honest, I have this problem.” It’s like you were holding yourself back from crossing a line. j-hope: It was something like that. Shouldn't we stay on this line? Maybe that’s a disease too (laughs). I thought if j-hope leaned too much to one side people might think that’s strange, too. That’s why I tried to stick to my standards, but since I’m also human I also expressed emotions I couldn’t articulate into music.

You don’t want to try and cross that line? j-hope: I’ve thought about it, obviously. I want to, but in my life itself and in my mind, I always think if there’s a line, it shouldn’t be crossed. But I’m becoming more generous to myself about crossing lines when it comes to music.

So you haven’t crossed yet, but right now you want to say, “I have something else,” and go further. j-hope: Yes. This is maybe a time when I really need to. I’ve been lucky because I met great people, had success and reached where I am now. Now that I’m here, I always want to try new things myself and keep growing. That’s why I’m working hard and thinking about what kind of music I should make.

There’s a part in “Fly to My Room” where you sing, “You can change the way you think.” It’s like you were explaining the past seven years of your life. j-hope: It all depends on how you look at it. Say there’s some kind of food. You might feel lonely while eating it by yourself, but if you forget about your loneliness for a minute and think, “There is no difference in food I would be eating out (with other people) anyway,” then it’s just like eating out. So even though I was stuck feeling lonely at home, I started to think of it as another trip instead. I thought of my room as my world, and delivery food as a three-star hotel meal. As you can tell from the title, I worked on that song by thinking about the way I endured this year so far.

And why did you decide to “change the way you think?” j-hope: Because I get a lot of love. Because I’m in this position and in this place, there’s things I have to deal with, and I should do things and think things I am able to bear. I thought about that a lot and accepted it. So I thought about what I could do during these hard times, and how I could help out my friends, my team. I think I’m still going through that process, too, so everything’s an “-ing”, because I might need to know what to do later about what I can do, even if I don’t quite know it yet.

What effect does being surrounded by so much love have on you? j-hope: It’s amazing to be loved by even one person. Even just one, single love is beautiful, but we’re getting love from all over the world. And I know this isn’t something to take for granted. I’m so incredibly thankful that sometimes I feel overwhelmed just thinking, ‘Wow, how can I ever return this much love?’ I want to express that in any way possible, every moment I can, because I’m so honored to be so loved that I can’t begin to put it into words.

A little while ago, in an interview with Rolling Stone India, you said that, when you were young, you equated debuting with success. What does success mean to you now, now that you’ve had success after success? j-hope: Success … It’s a simple idea, but it can weigh on you. In all aspects of life, I think success means being satisfied with what you’re able to do.When you lose faith in your work and it starts becoming a chore, that’s when it starts to get depressing.

There are inevitably times when you can’t enjoy it. j-hope: It’s just, you know, it’s really simple. If you can’t do it now, you can always do it later. Do that, and you can put your mind at ease. And I think that’s the secret to living a long, happy life. Anything you can’t do in your 20s, you can just do in your 40s. Of course, there’s going to be stuff you should do now while you’re still (laughs) energetic. But if that’s the position you’re in right now, you just have to ride it out. Try again later if you can’t enjoy yourself now. You’ll probably feel different in the future anyway. Yeah, that was pretty much the key to my self-preservation.

Where do you find the strength to hold on like that? j-hope: From the group, it’s very clear what that is. It’s our fans. ARMY. We had to pull through, for the fans. At any time of any day, the fans come first. I keep thinking about how painful it would be for the fans if we just gloss over something or feel like giving up just because we’re having a hard time. I was 20 when we made our debut. I didn’t know much about having a social life, but the messages our fans sent were a big comfort and gave us hope. I learned a lot just by reading fan letters and understanding the kind of thoughts they had. Fans and artists really are one and the same.

That makes me think of a line from “Life Goes On”: “People say the world has changed but thankfully between you and me, nothing has changed.” j-hope: Yes, right. I thought that line expressed the feeling really well as soon as I first heard it. Yoongi wrote that. He is really good. (laughs) I think that describes our relationship with our fans.

Trans © Weverse

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

Unreleased songs - ɟ

Hi, babies 👋🏼. Long time no see 😂 As I said I would, ta-daah!

So, honeys, today’s topic is about unreleased songs as the title of the post suggests, but that’s not what you think. Let me explain. For years I’ve been investigating the world of celebrities, the world of Hollywood, and the more time passes, the more things I’m able to discover, even if ‘slowly’ because I work. As I mentioned in the ‘Award shows’ post, thanks to the time I still have for a while because I’m on vacation for a few more days, I finally had time to find out some information about ‘who?’, ‘how?’, and ‘why?’ we’re getting blessed with so many unreleased songs. I haven’t found an answer to everything yet, but I’m working on it. For now, I’ll tell you what I know and my theories. If any of you know anything more, please, PLEASE DM me: @fa-by.

Let’s go in order. ‘Who?’:

I think that like me, many of you have always wondered ‘Who’s leaking all these songs? Is it a hacker? Is it the artist’s management? Is it the artist themself?’. The answer to these questions is unfortunately still only what I think. For me, it’s the artist’s label. Labels are usually the ones that own the master recording copyrights. [If you want to know more about the subject, I wrote a post about it: ‘How the music world works’. If you’re interested, Mari did this very cool thing for me. All you have to do is click on the #f anon on her blog to see all my posts (I know I sounded like a grandma, but I said it’s cool because I didn’t know it could be done. I’m pretty good with tech in general, but I’m still pretty new to the Tumblr world, okay? Don’t make fun of me 🤓🤣)]

As I also explained in that post, a recording agreement states that the label becomes the owner of all the master recordings recorded by the artist during the period of the agreement. And yes, this also includes unreleased recordings. And that’s why I’m very convinced that it’s the label. Labels are at the tip of the pyramid, and they are the ones who make every decision about their artists. Managements, agents, publicists, etc., only execute directives. So I think they’re the ones leaking those songs through their own IT departments.

It also depends on the cases and why, but sometimes instead, they even paid someone outside, hackers or ordinary people, to do it. The same methods they used to ‘hack’ and spread even false personal data and information about their artists. The reasons vary of course. They may have leaked a song because their artist hadn’t released something in a while and to keep fans engaged. They may have done it to see the fans’ response to that genre of song and if they’ve vibed with it to be able to choose the kind of direction for their artist to take for the new album and next single. They may have done so with a song they knew they were going to officially release just to get more attention on the song itself (example: ‘Love Incredible’ and ‘First Man’). They may have done it simply for publicity and to get people talking about their artist. Really, they may have done so for all sorts of reasons.

This, however, happened mostly in the past. Now, based on what I’ve discovered, I’ve realized that there’s also another reason why they do it. And this reason, leads us to the next question: ‘How?’

I’ve already anticipated how they did in the past and sometimes still do. By using their IT departments or by paying someone outside to do it for them. But I haven’t yet explained how they do it now, which leads to my discovery.

*Little story for you first*🙃 (#donthateme)

I was simply scrolling to see what new music was released and if there was any interesting news. The typical “I was minding my own business when”, you know? Well, that’s how I came across ‘Party Animal’.

I can literally picture you saying to me: “But, Faby, Party Animal is an old song!”. Yes, it is. Party Animal is a 2017 song sung by Charly Black & Luis Fonsi. But did you know that a remix with Camila on it should have been released and that it got scrapped?? 🤯🤯🤯🤯 That’s what I came across! In the snippet to be more precise. I knew the remix existed [I also talked about it in one of my last posts to reply to an Anon], but I’d never listened to its snippet, so imagine my surprise when I found it in front of me out of nowhere! And they even created a mashup between her snippet and the original song to see how the remix would’ve turned out to be. I’m gonna put a piece of the mashup with Camila’s snippet at the end of the post for you to listen to.

Party Animal brought me to the snippets of ‘It’s Only Natural’ ft. Skrillex, the original demo of ‘Sangria Wine’ which together with Pharrell, was initially also supposed to have J Balvin and Young Thug on it, ‘Pretending’ by Lauren, and many others that I didn’t yet know existed, including those I knew about and that I listened to again, like for example the first version of ‘Havana’, that is the first real original demo with Starrah, or ‘Who Can I Run To’ by 5H, or ‘If It Ain’t Me’ by Dua Lipa ft. Normani (leaked unreleased song, recorded for Dua’s Future Nostalgia album), etc., etc.

What happened then? Thanks to those snippets and to the re-listening of all the ones I already knew, I resumed investigating as I’d already started doing this summer, and I finally discovered this:

*end of the little story*

There are sites. Hackers sites that sell these songs. Yes, you read that correctly. SELL. These sites sell unreleased and exclusive music from any artist. From top A singers to less famous and unknown singers. Anyone can register and anyone can buy the songs. Sounds too good to be true, right? Well, if you’re lucky enough to have A LOT of money to throw around, then those sites are for you. These sites are not cheap. Some of them charge you money even when you just register.

Do you want examples to better understand? Okay, let’s talk about our Camren.

Remember when I submitted the post with Lauren’s ‘Inside’ studio version on December 17th? Remember how many of you felt guilty to listen to it even though you were happy to do it and even though I told you that Lauren herself said it wouldn’t be on the album? Well, do you wanna know the real reason we got this leaked? Because a Camila fan BOUGHT it from one of those websites and released it as a ‘Christmas gift’ for all of us!

Do you know how on July 21 we had ‘Curious’, ‘Cleopatra’, and ‘Unforgettable’? How on August 22 we had ‘Just Like You’ ft. Jack Ü? How on September 3 we had ‘Come When I Call’ ft. Pharrell Williams, ‘Taxi’, and ‘Eyes on You’? And how the next day, the 4th, we had ‘Terrified’? The only reason we’ve been blessed with all of these unreleased songs by Camila, is because people BOUGHT them from those sites exactly as it happened with Inside!

We’re about to be fed with a lot more, guys. You see, this is another thing I discovered. These websites [I only know of four at the moment, and honestly? It was pretty easy to find them, so it won’t be a problem for you either. But please, please, please guys, don’t ask me to tell you the sites here publicly because I won’t. I don’t want any problems.], these hackers, sometimes release snippets for free to spark buyer interest. These snippets then end up on the internet, and that’s how we ‘mere mortals’ also learn about the existence and titles of songs discarded from albums. But most of the time, even the snippets have to be bought because they’re about highly desired songs. This happens because, for example, maybe an artist has mentioned them in an interview and therefore fans want them.

I’ll give you a practical example. Remember when Camila talked about The Boy? We obviously all freaked out because not only was it a song written by Ed Sheeran that she rewrote almost completely, but mostly because we WANTED and WANT to hear it. Same thing that happened with God Is a Woman. So what did the hackers do? They put the snippets up for sale because they were both very requested songs. Once the snippets were sold and spread well, they put the songs up for sale in full. And do you wanna know how much The Boy is on sale? $3,000 on one unreleased selling site, and $3,500 on another one [Prices I read from the comments of some accounts that are registered on those sites]. I wasn’t kidding when I said they aren’t cheap… Although there are songs that cost less, such as ‘Thinkin Bout One’ (song discarded from the album ‘Camila’) which is currently on sale for $300. Still waaay too much and pretty over the top for my ass.

If you happen to see snippets of Camren’s unreleased songs or 5H’s around, it’s only thanks and because these websites are selling them. Unfortunately, there’s no possibility of having them in full unless someone pays for them first.

And all this leads us to the last question: ‘Why?’

Why? Very simple answer: for money. As I said I explained in my ‘How the music world works’ post [and I’m truly sorry to bring this up again, but it really makes sense with what I’m saying and if you don’t understand what I’m talking about now, then I suggest you go read that first and then come back here], labels buy some songs for the album from authors and ghostwriters, and invest on the artist by giving them an advance to make that album. This advance is mainly reserved to pay for the recording of the album, and this means paying for the recording costs, which includes the payment of A LOT of other things that I explained there. What interests us in this case, is that the recording costs also include all those songs that were later discarded from an album.

The labels paid to have the artist do those songs, and since they weren’t released, they didn’t make any money off those songs. Neither the labels nor the artists who recorded them. Or rather, the labels have certainly regained the money invested to make them thanks to the recoupment of the recording costs. Either immediately, or in any case later thanks to cross-collateralization. But the artist? They just lost money, and they both earned no royalties or licenses precisely because those songs were never released.

So what did they come up with to make money on those songs too? They put them up for sale. Theory’s time: In my opinion, labels use hackers because they know how not to be tracked. Think about it.

I’ll give you an example. If you were to create a site, would you know how to protect it? Would you know what data is coming in and out of your website? Would you know which functions are constantly running and which are not? Would you know which programs transmit data externally and which ones don’t? Would you know which programs are suspicious? Would you know to create alternative algorithms, security plugins, and serious firewalls that prevent unauthorized access? I could go on all day, but if your answer is no, then I guess you get my point.

They use external hackers. People outside their IT departments in such a way as not to create any kind of connection between them. They use them as they would use publishers, distributors, and collection agencies with an officially released song all at once. It’s a give-and-take. The hackers take the necessary security measures and create the sites, the labels pass the unreleased songs to them, and the hackers put them up for sale. Once sold, the hackers get their share and the labels get the biggest percentage. It’s actually brilliant if you think about it.

Now let’s move on to the last small part of this post.

Do the artists know that their unreleased songs are for sale? I think they really do. And I’ll tell you more. I think they have deals with their own label to get their share of sales as well. I believe that they’re also themselves (with label approval of course) who choose which one to put up for sale and which one to keep to use in the future, whether it’s for an album or simply to take and use part of the lyrics from that song for a new one.

And then, think about it for a moment. Do you really believe that if someone else had ‘stolen’ them and put them up for sale, the labels wouldn’t have noticed? That they wouldn’t immediately have shut down their sites and take action since it’s not a single song? And I’m also talking about legal measures that they would have taken together with the authors of those songs since they, the labels, are the owners of the master recording copyrights, and the authors are the owners of the composition copyrights. Come on, my friends. Do you have any idea how powerful major labels are? But anyway.

Do I think we have a problem? Do I think all of this could lead to problems for the girls for their future sales? Nope. I honestly think this is just more publicity for them. I think thanks to these songs, people/fans can even more and really see how talented they are, especially in lyrics. Lauren for example, who still hasn’t graced us with her album. These songs are like appetizers while waiting for the main course: LJ1.

And now I’m really done 😄 I remind you that all these unreleased songs for sale are scraps of their albums, scraps of remixes and collaborations, and scraps in general, so they’re not really harming them by selling them. Don’t let yourself get unnecessary heart attacks, please🤣

If you have any questions, as usual, all you have to do is ask. I send you lots of love with virtual hugs 🤗 Stay safe. Stay patient. Be kind to yourself and others. I love you, babies. As usual, always with love, F ❤️

As promised, this is the mashup piece with Camila’s snippet:

Still here, hi 👋🏼😊 aaand super bonus for you just because I love you. I know this is gonna literally make you scream, jump, cry, and I mean, it will literally get you out of your minds exactly as it did to me. I present to you a demo of No Way (my second favorite 5H song) ONLY SUNG BY CAMREN!!!!!! It’s only 42 seconds, and the only difference is actually Camila who sings also Normani’s part before hers, but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, it’s heavenly 😻😍 Thank me later and for now, just enjoy, my children, just enjoy:

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

___

Party Animal

I have the post the audio apart from this so you can hear it too

[nellpire]

[2109xx] Nell - Dazed September Issue 2021 Interview (translation)

Q: Four years since we last met, now Dazed is greeting you again like this. As a "Nell kid" who grew up listening to your music, speaking to the four of you feels surreal. What's new with you? Jaekyung: We've been continuously working on our new album.  Jongwan: We've worked on it for about a year and a half and finally concluded our work the day before yesterday. Like COVID, we worked non-stop and immersed ourselves in composing.

Q: When will we get to meet it? Jongwan: Looks like it'll be somewhere between the 1st and the 3rd of September. 

Q: I heard you're also in the midst of shooting a Nell documentary.  Jongwan: We've put it off for the moment.  Junghoon: There are too many variables in today's world.

Q: It's the same for all of Dazed's issues, there's no telling at all what will happen. And the same goes for who will sing Nell's masterpieces next. The band Gift did a remake of Time Spent Walking Through Memories not long ago. That's rare for them. Jongwan: It was a first for them as a band. We're well aware of their talent as we've been watching them on YouTube. We've wished they would play a song of ours.  Jaewon: We're always keeping an eye on indie bands, and Gift stood out among those hoobaes. We were very grateful when they told us they were singing our song. 

Q: Dazed readers in their late teens and early 20s remember that song so clearly too. Let's go back to that era of Nell. Do you remember each other's youth?  Jaekyung: It's so long ago that it's hard to recall (laughter). We've talked about this many times already, but one of Jaewon's aliases in elementary school was "jjang". We were close friends, played guitar and drums. Jongwan was a kid who sang and played basketball well (laughter). Jongwan: We were just students who liked music. We wanted to learn to play instruments and played in school bands. Looking back now, we've been making music for a long time, but I doubt anyone thought we'd make it this far. When we were high school students all we wanted was to hurry up and graduate, and when we were in our 20s we just didn't want to turn 30… It was that kind of common youth.  Jaewon: When I think about high school student Junghoon, he really listened to music a lot, and he still does. I remember he always had earphones or a headset on.  Junghoon: (laughter) The headset was to look cool. I loved winter back in my school days. There's the winter jackets, and you get to wear long sleeves. Then you can wear the earphone cable inside your clothes and out through your sleeve. So in class I'd always lean my head in my hand to listen to music. Jaewon: Jaekyung was really tall back then too, and he was always running or playing basketball. 

Q: The song "See you in five" from your "Colors in Black" album echoes in my mind. "Is my forced composure / fooling anyone? Let's meet in that place we used to go / If we keep this up / we won't see each other much before we die". I've suddenly reached an age where I can relate deeply to those words.  Jaekyung: You might start a family as you grow older, and as the lines between you and your friends' lives become clearer in a whole new way, you naturally stop hanging out as much. In our 20s, 15 or so of us would gather and see each other almost every day, but now it's hard to meet up even once a year. I was doubtful when I read Jongwan's lyrics for the first time; "will we really end up like that?", but we really did. If we didn't have social media, maybe we would be strangers by now.  Junghoon: And COVID only amplified that. 

Q: I can relate. The fact that, supported by music, the connecting link between the four of you has remained unsevered for 20 years and you've managed to maintain your relationship is truly remarkable. What do the four of you talk about when you gather?  Jongwan: It hasn't changed much. Current matters, events of the world. Things we found fun as kids. And when we work, music talk. To be honest, there's never enough time to talk about that alone (laughter). Jaekyung: When we wrapped up our new album not long ago, we had an after-party and talked a bit about the next album, too. Jaewon: We watch foreign artists' festival performances and envy them, and talk about past concerts.  Jongwan: Maybe it's because we've been together for so long that we still have so much to talk about even in these times. Because we've spent so much longer without COVID than with it. For example, until the year before we last we always played festivals together, et cetera, so the volume of memories we share together is so enormous that we keep having new things to talk about, even in these past 1~2 years. Because talking about the past isn't someone else's stories, but things all four of us can share on a deep level.

Q: Being unable to stand on stage as a band musician and being unable to gather people has to be a deadly thing. The fans must be more disappointed than they can express.  Jongwan: It's a given, but the fans are very disappointed. And I don't need to say anything about how we feel. Moreover we're not very good at communicating; we've always seen our fans through albums and concerts, so we feel even more apologetic now. 

Q: The Nell fandom and its love is as deep and profound as the amount of time they've spent with you. Is there a fan that stands out in your memory?  Jongwan: There are two. One of them is a person we always mention in times like these. This happened when we were all in our late 20s. Up until that point, the reason why we made music was very simple: Expressing ourselves. 100% for our own satisfaction. One person who felt very lost listened to that music of ours and told us this: "Living is so hard, but I gained comfort by listening to Nell's music. I found hope." It can be seen as something fans just say, but at the time it approached us in a heavy way. It was the first time we realized our music can have a positive influence on a stranger's life. It was also the first time we felt proud of something other than expressing ourselves. The second one is from 1~2 years ago, so comparatively recent. Someone collected all of our physical releases, CDs, DVDs and so on, framed it and sent it to us. Everything including the first albums we released as an underground indie band as well as our overseas releases. They sent it to us anonymously so we don't know who they are, but when we received it and held it, it was… what should I say? Emotional. Jaekyung: I too remember the moment I first saw it. It shone like the discography commemorations they hang in famous overseas studios. Albums are really important to us. That's what has let us promote and meet the fans at concerts for the last 20 years. How could we ever forget such a heartfelt gift? We put it up for display in our studio.  Jongwan: Since the four of us meet and work every day, we can't document our 20s and 30s and so we're not aware of the passage of time. But those albums have the dates written in chronological order. Looking at it makes us realize that it's possible to summarize someone's 20-year history like that, from our late teens to our current 40-year-old selves, and it causes this temporary hollow feeling, but it also makes us look at our fans and the members, who've spent all that time together, in a different way. Because this is clearly not an experience everyone gets to have. So that gift was very touching. And we're also really curious who sent it. 

Q: Is the essence of Nell's music still a skepticism, distrust of society or the world? Jongwan: There's still skepticism. I don't think I've ever felt this world is a good place to live. Life isn't always easy or happy, but I don't think that's a bad thing. 

Q: How so? Jongwan: I think that's nature. Even two puppies will crave more love from their owner and be jealous of each other. Would the world humans live in be extreme? I'm the type to believe human nature is inherently bad, so I think it's an issue of living while being pestered by other people and trying to find a balance within that. So having a hard time and being skeptical is a destiny we can't escape. If you think this is bad, even the meaning of life becomes something negative. It's important to find precious, meaningful things even within that, and humans being able to do that is in my opinion something incredibly brave. But as for distrust, it's not something we always channel. The more detailed theme changes with each album. 

Q: The analogy Jongwan made one time about Nell's music was very memorable to me: that Nell's music isn't a fancy restaurant, but a local place.  Jongwan: On the one hand there's fine dining where you can enjoy perfect dishes, plating and interior design for a high price, and on the other there are local places frequented by people in the neighborhood and others who find it by word of mouth, that gives people small happinesses. Old restaurants you can find anywhere on the globe. There's clearly something you can only find in places like those, and I don't think that's far off from our direction. We're not uninterested in making it big and making our name famous, but from our perspective we're putting out music we can be proud of and we have people who respect that music. If we have people who gain comfort and happiness by listening to our music, that's meaningful enough in itself.

Q: I hope more people in Korea will realize the charm of local places and that we'll gain more of such bands and musicians. Not for nothing, Nell is like a lighthouse to so many new bands and young musicians. What would you like to say to them?  Jaekyung: That if you're a band, you should try to let go of your personal greed to the best of your abilities. It's not like there was never any conflict between us four, but I want to ask you to think about whether those kinds of quarrels are important in making good music.  Jongwan: "All in." It's far from easy, going all in. Not just in music; it's difficult to maintain the things you like in any field. 

Q: By "all in", do you mean complete and total immersion? Jongwan: Making it the top priority in your life. I think if you make it even priority 1.5, you have almost no chance of succeeding. It has to be your top priority, so if it's not #1 for you it might not be worth it. You have to endure those difficulties, and if it's not your favorite thing, if it's not your #1 priority, I don't think you'll have reason to endure. There are people who are simply geniuses too, but I'm not one of them. I've seen so many cases where people thought they were all in, but they weren't really. If you want to go all in, then don't look back, don't think of anything else and throw yourself into it. Then someday something right for you will find its way to you, like a gift. 

Q: No less than 22 years. The reason why Nell exists now is because the four of you believed in the power of music. What do you each think is the power of music? Jaewon: Empathy and comfort. There are times when musicians are comforted by their own music. Even if you don't feel 100% connected to the listener, even if you're just sharing the edge of your emotions, I think that's the clear power of music. Jaekyung: For musicians, the moments of making music are the most enjoyable, because nothing else can bring the same emotions. This might sound obvious too, but music needs no special explanation. Even if our languages, sentiments and ethnicities are different, music always speaks for itself. The power of music is something transcendental that all humans can enjoy and have in common. Junghoon: To sound a bit juvenile, music has a power that explodes momentarily. The kind of power that turns anyone into the main character of a movie. If I listen to music that amplifies my emotions when I'm feeling down, I can become sadder than any character in any movie. Some music gives you more energy than the main character in a high teen movie, other music turns introverted and passive people into rebels.  Jongwan: Music can be the strength that keeps people living. An acquaintance's child was very sick with late stage leukemia. When their condition got worse, they were asked if they had one wish, and they said they wanted to meet us. I teared up when I heard about that. It made me think that music can sometimes be a source of incomprehensible strength that makes us want to live the time we have left. Of course, I'm not saying we make that kind of music (laughter). But it's because we believe that music has that potential and worth that we continue to make music even when we're at our wit's end. 

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