#I’m in a bad place right now not mentally I just live in the UK

[kinsey3furry300]

Dear America,

If you could not give us all anxiety every two years, that would be really swell. Yours, The rest of the world.

[harper-collins]

An Afternoon Alone

The Twins, The Triangle And The Magic oneshot!

Fluffy, a slight bit of angst and a small piece.

Set at the beginning of Year 5

The hustle and bustle of the house was getting a bit irritating, and although Dipper was pleased they didn’t have to stay at the Leaky Cauldron again, he did want to get out of the stuffy environment. Thankfully, he had just the right person to do that with. The brunette turned to look at a mirror to slick his hair back the way he used to. He knew the London weather would probably mess it up when he left the building, but he couldn’t help it.

A noise was made from behind Dipper, which made him jump, causing him to turn and see the almost adultified Bill Cipher in his complete form. He looked a lot more humane nowadays; he’d lost his edge, and although he wasn’t softer, he felt nicer to look at due to the organic way that he presented himself. He was still wearing fancy clothing outside of Hogwarts, but the blonde had grown and developed his human form so that Dipper couldn’t help but feel attracted to him all over again.

“I do feel a little bad about leaving Shooting Star with the grief she’s feeling right now, but I think it’s time that we let you walk around without her,” Bill grimly replied, moving towards the door. Dipper kept his eyes away from the blonde as he opened the door. “I feel the same way, but I just can’t sit next to her all the time. I can’t stay in the house either; it’s suffocating with grief,” Dipper replied, watching Bill shut the door to Grimmauld Place.

Dipper briefly reviewed what the demon had said before frowning and looking up at him. “Hey, I can leave the house by myself just fine!” he sharply replied, giving the other an angry push. Bill cackled for a moment before coming to his senses. “Still, Pinetree, I’m not letting you wander the streets of London without me. Voldemort is back, and even if we are trying to kill him, it’s probably a good idea to just be safe and protect ourselves by running away for the time being,” he murmured back, raising an eyebrow at the brunette. Dipper couldn’t tell whether the other eyebrow was raised, which made things slightly tricky.

“I’m not a child, Bill. I know how to handle myself,” he turned to look at the demon with a darkened expression, but Bill was merely shaking his head at Dipper. “You may be an adult mentally, Pinetree, but you are no match against an all-powerful wizard that even Dumbledore’s nervous about facing,” Bill chirped, walking towards a van selling food. Dipper blinked a couple of times, staring at the other. “Dumbledore’s nervous about facing Voldemort?” He repeated back.

“What?”

“What?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Bill carefully replied, a slight twinkle in his eye as he spoke. Dipper grumbled quietly; of course, the other was still keeping secrets. When wasn’t he? He moved on regardless, and the two approached the food van. Dipper let the demon pick an assortment of foods for them to share between the two of them. It was costly, but Bill didn’t seem to care about the prospect of money—only gold.

They continued walking into a small park they’d found nearby and frequented throughout the summer, regardless of the year. They sat down, opened their respective packets of food, and began to take in the summer atmosphere—while it lasted. Being in London was better than living in most of the UK, but it still got rainy. They took their time eating, which was the only logical thing to do when you had clear air. Or, at least, as straightforward as you could get in this day and age.

Dipper turned towards his partner and warily began to take in everything about him, all the details. First, there was his calm, relaxed expression as he ate. He seemed to enjoy their little trip, probably thinking about how they could blag it later. After all, no one knew about Bill yet. They just thought he was very weird. Despite his facial expression being quite relaxed, his body was less so. It was tense as he tightly held the sandwich in his hand. The other was holding his head as he awkwardly sprawled across his part of the bench, facing Dipper. The brunette could still tell that there was something wrong with the demon.

A thought then occurred to him. He had witnessed the death of Cedric Diggory just as much as Harry had. Yet… He wasn’t nearly as traumatised as an average individual. Although it felt pointless to point out that Bill wasn’t your standard individual, it felt like the other should still react. It wasn’t like he was soulless or anything. The brunette hesitated momentarily. Was he going to bring this up? Especially when they’d left the house to escape this exact subject.

Maybe… Maybe it was a better idea to ask later. As Dipper nodded to himself a little, moving without thinking, he looked back to the demon who was watching him with a quirked expression. He was intrigued, confused, yet interested. Dipper tried not to pay attention to his stare as he glanced away to stare at the trees further away from them, and Bill only chuckled slightly at the movement. Dipper tried to refrain from looking back at him, but the soft feeling of another’s skin touching his face made him look back at Bill, who gave him an empathetic expression.

Dipper moved back towards Bill, who kept his hand trailing across the other’s cheek, letting it slowly roam around the other’s face as if trying to memorise the other’s features. Dipper let it happen for about a minute before he put his hand on the other. Bill, who had gone dazed as he memorised Dipper’s features, jumped a little at the touch before relaxing and giving the grin he always gave. He took his hand off the other’s face. The brunette caught his hand before it dropped adequately.

“Your smile,” Dipper murmured to the other. “I want to see it.”

Bill smirked, not giving the response that the brunette had been wanting. Dipper only rolled his eyes at the display. “You know that’s not what I meant,” he pressed, watching the other’s expression as Dipper tightened his hand on the blonde. “I know, but you’re not getting me that easily, Pinetree,” he teased, tightening his hand around the other. The young male turned away, huffing and taking his hand back. The other’s grip had been getting too tight anyway.

“Awwww, c’mon Pinetree! Are you being a wimp?” He teased lightly. However, Dipper could only scoff and stand up, not disputing it and not saying anything to protect himself. Bill cackled as he followed the brunette’s train of thought before observing him. His expression had grown misty as if he could tell something was wrong. “It… It might be a good idea for us to head back now,” Dipper mumbled, glancing at the demon sharply.

Bill hummed for a moment before returning to the direction of Grimmauld Place. “Maybe… But there is something I’d like to talk to you about later,” the demon replied, retaking the other’s hand as he began to walk. Dipper didn’t say anything in reply to this. He just let himself be dragged with Bill. It was slowly getting cloudy as they trekked back to their temporary home.

With the world becoming the way it was, Dipper couldn’t help but feel that the weather was beginning to reflect the moody and scary place it was becoming. Hopefully, it wouldn’t take too much longer until they could finally get home. It was an unrealistic, wishful thought, but better than nothing. The two walked back reasonably quickly, and in a few minutes, they found themselves back in the dark and saddened environment. The two quietly went back inside, awaiting their fate for the evening.

[cumberbitchhhh]

if you’d like to chat about jo koy sexism, and privilege, there’s a rant under the cut 💗

i’d love to talk with other people about this, and, as always, if there is any misinformation in this, please let me know so i can acknowledge it and correct it!

just wanted to come on here and have a conversation about jo koy, the golden globes, and sexism in general.

as a lot of people know, jo koy made MULTIPLE questionable, controversial, and just genuinely disrespectful comments when he hosted the golden globes on monday, 8th january this year, multiple of which were directed towards women or media about women. rightly so, he has been called out on social media over the last few days for his rudeness and lack of respect during the event, to which he has responded to in a (somehow) even more insulting way, backing up his original monologue.

i can’t even explain how much it infuriates me that, not only has he made these misogynistic and rude comments, but that, when given the chance to acknowledge where he went wrong, he doubled down and made yet another disrespectful comment.

i think this ties into the privilege of men in today’s society and how their comments can affect other people around them. i’m not one of those people to go on whole rants about how much i hate men and say that they’re horrible and shouldn’t have rights, because that is the complete opposite of the entire feminist movement, which was what barbie, a movie that he commented on in his monologue, was about in the first place.

i really don’t understand how you can watch a movie like barbie, which has an extremely strong message of equality, feminism, and a lot of references to mental health, and ‘dumb it down’ to a movie about ‘plastic dolls with boobies’. genuinely what compelled you to say this? barbie has empowered so many women and, since release, has made me, personally, change my outlook on a lot of things. it should not be disregarded as a movie about dolls with tits, because that removes the entire message and point of the movie.

feminism is not able getting women rights and getting rid of men, it’s about equality. if we, as women, said that only we deserve rights, we’re the exact same as all of the men that used us so, so many years ago, and the exact same as all of the men that still do that now. we want equality. we want to be treated with respect like men are treated with respect. so many people disregard the feminist movement as ‘women wanting to be better than men’, when that’s really not the case. we want the same wages as men. we want the same opportunities as men. we want the same privilege as men.

i, as a straight, white female living in the uk, i can admit that i have privilege. i have access to food, education, a good support system, and a house. not everybody has that, and realising that i am extremely lucky compared to so many people that are struggling out there was so, so important for me. i am in a place where i don’t have to worry about my next meal or whether i’ll be warm or cold enough. i can see that, and i can realise and help other people realise that a lot of people don’t have that same opportunity.

privilege isn’t a bad thing, but it’s whether you choose to acknowledge it and what you do with it that matters.

for a full list of rants/other people’s comments on sexism at the golden globes, click the last tag, #leahs golden globes rants

[lookedafterchild]

its been ages since i posted here, sorry about that my personal / work life has been all up and over the place. i think i've only just came to conclusion with what is going on myself. I left my job at Independence-Development-ltd back in december to take on a new it job for a best friend of mine, and it was going very well. but i decided until work picks up i'm going to do some part time work (head back to care) or as i'm doing right now is starting a company again. found my first paying monthly contract and closed that which helps and secures half of my expensises so i just got to find that part time job to keep me afloat as i started this new project. hell of a bad time to start a new company :rofl: 2020 Lockdown Dose not help either But you lot all know i will figure it out soon. let me know if you know of any care work within Kent And Maidstone areas. i hope to get my fingers out soon and work on the next stage of the blog, i'm still mainly done with the life stories persay but i wan't to look further into mental heath, what causes it? and is there any other way's to maintain / better the lives of people suffering with mental healh. i really got to focuse on income though, income is power esepcially with Joblessness in the UK Surging

[wild-at-mind]

I think the thing that bothers me about the whole ‘should I stay on my meds’ question is how the option that means the least effort on my part is just staying on them forever.

i actually got the worry about this from a post written about trans healthcare, in which among some valid points the writer casually threw out that UK GPs precribe prozac readily, and it’s far more harmful than HRT. Prozac is what I’m taking. So i looked up some things about long term use and the main takeaway was: we don’t know. It might be harmful taken long term. And probably the best way to use SSRIs is to start taking them during the depressive episode, take them for a few years and then aim to wean off them.

 Pre-pandemic I was asked to go to medication reviews every few months, and they stopped that during the height of covid (understandable, hardly the priority), but it just never started again after. I haven’t spoken to a doctor about my medication for years. I know I should make that appointment, but with the 10 minute slots that’s all that’s allowed now it’s so awkward. (Really it’s more like 8 mins because of the changeover time needed.) In that length of time you really need a simple, easy to fix issue, not a long, metaphorical one, like should I come off the SSRIs? What’s best for my long term health? If I come off, how bad will the side effects me, and how should I gauge what I’m like mentally when I’m not on them? (I no longer remember my state of mind before I was on them, but I certainly still get low moods while on them so that wouldn’t be a useful gauge.)

Do they even keep working after so long? My mental health is certainly not in a good place right now, but it’s probably better overall than when I was on the last SSRI that wasn’t working. But can I mentally handle the withdrawal period? My life is stable and secure and it helps my mental health a tremendous amount, but last time I came off an SSRI it all went wrong. I needed a tonne of support from my mum and I don’t know if that would work again all these years late, things have changed a lot. I moved in with her but she does live with my dad and he now has mood swings and hoarding tendancies that he didn’t have back then.

Living alone is really, really good for me most of the time- it keeps my OCD in check as I know everything is as I left it, and it calms some of my anxiety around catching illnesses from other people. I absolutely know it’s a privilege to be able to afford to live alone and be capable of doing so. But when it comes to loneliness, I will never feel more alone as when I face down the possibility of coming off SSRIs. My partner lives far too far away to just pop in and visit. Maybe I would feel bad anyway, if he was here- the relentless insomnia is worse if you know you’re also disturbing someone else when you get up and turn on the light. When I was coming off citalophram, we had a number of serious fights that looking back on I can’t even quite remember how bad it was. But I know about it because I wrote about it on an anonymous forum I was using at the time. I can’t imagine our relationship going there as we are now (very happy), but if I came off a medication it could happen. It was so shit back then, I would wake up the next morning and he’d be upset about a way I spoke to him the night before and I didn’t even rememeber what I had done. It was horrible.

My mum is also taking SSRIs longterm so I talked to her about it earlier this evening and turns out she also worries about this issue. She agrees I should just go to the GP already, but also said brightly ‘well at least our areas are well off enough to still have GPs! In some parts of the country they can’t even get GPs to work there any more!’ I feel like it just hit me really badly because it made me feel like she was telling me I was a spoilt brat who should just be grateful and it could be so much worse. I know she wasn’t actually telling me that but it got to me. Because I think with the NHS, especially under so many years of Tory cuts, you can get into a place of feeling like you had better not use it too much. Even more so when they had to limit everything so much during the pandemic, and there are still a few restrictions in place even now, and it encouraged people to only go in if it was really, really important. And now it’s very easy to tell yourself your problem actually isn’t that important, if it’s not an acute issue. It would be so much better, I tell myself, if I don’t bother the GPs and just keep going like I am, for another 5 years perhaps. Having an appointment system that is free but everything is so limited in resources, it’s easy to get yourself thinking that maybe you’d better save those appointments for someone who really needs them, and not your uncertain ramblings about coming of SSRIs and future health.

Long story short, that’s why I don’t know what to do.

[endivinity]

i just had the most fascinating doctor appointment (warning: it gets a bit mental health heavy. a lot. i’ve been having a rough time but that’s not the main point of this, just that it’s There)

started out fantastically by the doctor not being my usual one. temp replacement doctor was also late, which didn’t bother me because i started mentally charging her $200 for every minute she was late. at one point the receptionist disappeared so i started charging her the same amount too. there was speculation in my dms that they were having an affair

31 minutes after my 15 minute appointment was scheduled to start, the doctor showed up, by which time she and the receptionist owed me a very crisp $7000 between them

i was then left in the doctor’s office bc she was unfamiliar with the system and couldn’t find the right form i needed her to fill out so i can continue not being destitute and homeless. she brought the receptionist in and also had to consult another doctor. i’m there thinking this is a very weird orgy, i didn’t want to be included in their affair, i’m doubling the amount they owe me.

while alone in the office i notice there is a urine sample. it’s just There. ive been left in a room with a cup of piss. there was a little color grade beside it. congratulations to whoever’s piss that was on having very healthy kidneys.

the doctor comes back with knowledge of where the form is. she then spends the next 20-ish minutes filling out three boxes in the form, because she makes several typos per word. i’m not even mad about this, just mildly bewildered. i keep making eye contact with the piss cup. it is my partner in solidarity.

she can’t find my client number. i have been at the clinic for a solid hour at this point, having arrived early to wait. she sends the form without my client number, to review on december 23rd. the clinic closes for the holidays long before that. she asks if there’s anything else I needed to discuss. I mention my mental health has been Bad over the last month, very sudden onset. My regular doctor would take this into account, because I have a history of bad mental health and new patterns need to be watched carefully. This one doesn’t even write it in my file. She asks what kind of issues. I tell her that it’s severe fluctuations in good and bad mood but not enough to be manic/depressive. It’s neither mania nor depression. It feels bad, but it’s manageable, but managing it takes up almost all of my time and energy. I get something I also couldn’t call suicidal ideation, but rather the preference to Not Exist Right Now, Come Back Later. you know the one. 

She immediately latches onto the word ‘suicidal’ even though I was quite clear that it wasn’t correct. Asks if I’m at risk, and if I have support or ways to ground myself or pull myself back from that sort of low mood. Asks if I would like some strategies, or if I was looking for any way for the clinic to help me today. I say I already have a lot of strategies in place, but more couldn’t hurt.

Her only technique she can ask if I have is if I have any goals I’d like to work towards, so that I would decide to keep living instead of trying to off myself (again, not correct), maybe I would like to visit my grandparents? I politely don’t mention that my grandparents are in the UK and also very dead. I just say no.

And that was it. She just goes okay well that’s all for today then :) I’ve been in the clinic for almost an hour and a half, for what’s usually a five minute assessment. we both said ‘okay, thank you’ at the same time. i don’t even know what she was thanking me for

[imjusttpeachy]

bumpy roads & broken promises. (c.h.)

EDIT: Lmaoooo I did not expect this to actually get notes, thanks guys! I already made it onto someone’s fic recs-- I feel special. Actually might end up writing more if this gets more attention. :^)

I wrote this as a vent/comfort fic for myself but figured others might like it. Corpse has been my new safety youtuber ever since the old nosleep reader--deep voice/no face gamer went to shit so... yeah. 

Heavily inspired by @mmonamona ‘s fic “Petty Fights and Lonely Nights” just more angst. 

playlist

feng suave - sink into the floor

current joys - a different age

feng suave - venus flytrap

rei ami - do it right

summary: Corpse gets frustrated with work and snaps at the reader when she tries to ask what’s wrong, triggering a bad memory from a past relationship. 

word count: 2, 932

WARNINGS: she/her pronouns used, coarse language, shouting, panic attacks, reference to past relationship trauma (no retelling, nothing detailed)

(angst, hurt/comfort, crying! lots of it)

>>>

“God would you just fuck off already?!”

Frozen. Your body tensed up as the deep growl echoed through the cramped dark room.

You had been staying at your boyfriend’s apartment for about a week while you were on break from college. Flying out from the UK to California so you could spend as much time as you could with him before ultimately having to return to 5am facetimes while drowning in papers and essays.

Even before you’d booked the tickets, Corpse was already apologizing for everything under the sun. The size of his apartment and its cleanliness, the fact that he couldn’t do much more than order take out for you, his irregular sleeping patterns.. the list could go on and on. And while you assured him every time that you didn’t care, that you were coming to see him— not his apartment, not home cooked meals, and definitely not to scrutinize him for things he couldn’t control due to his mental health. But he wouldn’t buy it.

Not one bit.

He’d offer you a weary half-smile, pulling you into his chest or ruffling your hair before placing a soft kiss on your temple and changing the subject. You didn’t press any further knowing how often he was at war with his own mind and couldn’t help but think the worse of every situation.

As the days carried on, you’d spent most of your time tangled up in each other. Whether it be a movie, or playing some co-op games, or even just laying in his bed with him, you could barely stand to spend any time apart. But, of course, you were adults with responsibilities that would tear you from one another eventually. While you did miss his presence every second he wasn’t around, you couldn’t help but try to make his life even better for when he got back and for when you’d eventually have to leave him once again. Now, a week into your stay, his apartment was a good amount tidier than how it’d been when you arrived. The cupboards and fridge were stocked with groceries that would hopefully last for some time after you left, on top of the home made meals you’d make together or for him everyday. New picture frames were hung up on the wall of the two of you that you’d gifted to him when you arrived; it actually started to feel like home. Well, as much as it could without those familiar strong arms wrapped around you every second of the day.

Unfortunately, this evening was one of those times. Corpse had already been locked up in his office for a few hours now, the sounds of button mashing and frustrated exclamations making its way through the thin walls every so often bringing an amused smile to your face. He’d woken up a bit anxious already knowing he’d have to both leave you alone and put up a brave front for the stream that was planned that evening. You didn’t push him or try to talk about it, knowing that it would just make it worse; so you two had spent the day as it normally would (though he always looked and felt on edge) until he was forced to retreat back into that dreaded workspace.

You occupied yourself on your phone and laptop for a while, checking up on friends, reviewing anything you’d need for the upcoming semester, just scrolling through your socials— y’know, the works. But by the time you’d gotten bored with your scrolling, you’d notice it was a perfect time to start dinner that you’d hopefully be able to eat together with Corpse. You’d gotten to work right away, doing your best to be as quiet as you could to not disturb his work as the different aromas began to spread through the small kitchen in his apartment. Finishing up the dishes after the meal was all cooked, you dished up two servings and set them on the coffee table in front of the couch before you went to retrieve your other half.

Turning the knob of his office door slowly, you peered into the dark room; only the silhouette of the floppy mop of hair you adored so much was able to be seen in the dim light of his computer monitors. Taking a hard look at his right-most monitor you notice an editing software pulled up instead of the usual live chat he had on while streaming, so without any worry of interrupting you opened the door and stepped into the room. It was a cozy room for sure, and it always seemed to smell just like him— which of course is a given but with how much time he spent in this room, it was even more so present. Walking up slowly to his right side so you wouldn’t startle him with just your voice you watched his gaze flick to your form before steadying itself back in the monitor. Furrowing your brows at his strange behaviour but not letting it get to you, you opened your mouth to speak.

“I made dinner!” You smiled down at him, taking a few steps back toward the door so he would be able to get out of his gaming chair without you in his space. However, the hunched form of your focused boyfriend didn’t move an inch. Your heart sunk a little at his attitude but decided to just try again.

“Corpse, baby, dinners ready.”

“I’m not hungry.” The short statement left his mouth in a low grumble, if you hadn’t spent all this time with him studying his voice and begging him to speak more to you, you probably wouldn’t have been able make it out at all. You huffed out a sigh, this was new for him, you really hadn’t seen him as anything other than the cuddly baby you’d grown to know and love. But, you thought to yourself, love would come with days like this and it was bound to happen eventually. Trying your best to not get frustrated or angry with his snappy attitude, you kept your voice light and cheery as you tried again to coax him out to eat.

“Corpse you’ve barely eaten today I-“

“I said I’m not hungry.” Startling at the angry tone you’d never heard from him before, you could feel yourself start to get choked up. Pulling your hands up to hug your arms, trying to sooth yourself, you could feel yourself starting to slowly freeze up. Goosebumps ran over your skin, a chill snaking  it’s way up your spine as you gulped, trying your best to muster up the bravery to speak again. You didn’t know what had gotten into him, he knew how the tone affected you— he was usually even the one to comfort you after an episode triggering something like this. As your mouth began to run dry, you took a deep breath deciding that he would definitely come to his senses in the next moments, you opened your mouth to speak again.

“Is everything alri-“

“I’m FINE! I’m not a FUCKING CHILD I don’t need you constantly checking up on me! God would you just fuck off already!”

You didn’t even notice the tears dripping off your cheeks until they splashed against the bare skin of your hand. Slipping into the defense mode you knew so well, your body switched onto autopilot as you began to backpedal out of the room, almost tripping a few times as you sputtered out a choked “okay, I’m sorry,” before closing his door once again and stumbling messily down the hallway to his room. Your mind was moving a thousand miles a minute yet was completely blank at the same time, and before you knew it you were tucked away inside the dark closet in his room.

This was the routine, this is where you’d be safe.

Trying to slow your erratic breathing you hugged your knees even closer to your chest, praying that in some way it would ease your shaking body. But inevitably, you felt the sobs that you’d kept trapped in your throat since you’d left break through. Your chest heaved with the breaths you took to keep your sobs as silent as possible. You thought you had trained yourself well enough for this, you’d done this a million times before— but in the back of your mind you knew that this time it was different. Shrinking into the corner of the closet, the only thing on your mind was all the broken promises he’d sworn to keep.

>>>

Corpse sighed, his body weighing him down in his chair heavily, head aching with all the work he’d been doing that evening. Pulling his attention back, he stretched his arms as his sore eyes glanced over at the clock in the corner of his screen. 11:34pm. Fuck. That much time had passed already? Raking a hand through his hair he yawned sleepily, he knew he should probably spend more time working before calling it a night but all he wanted to do was curl up in bed with you-

Shit.

Finally snapping out of the heavy trance he’d set himself in every time he sat down to edit, he thought back to the last time he had seen you— calling him for dinner where he snapped at you to leave him alone… almost 3 hours ago. The memories of the past moment flooded into his head and seconds later he was scrambling out of his chair and out into the hallway. It was dead silent, Corpse felt like his heart was practically breaking his ribs with how hard it was pounding in his chest. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Gripping at the right side of his shirt he rushed into the living room, rubbing frantically at his eyes as they darted around the room quickly looking for any sign of you.

“(Y/N), baby?” He rasped out, voice caught in his throat, walking through the living room and spotting the now cold meals she’d prepared waiting uneaten on the coffee table. His heart sunk as he hurried to the kitchen only to see the rest of the meal out on the counter, not doing anything to ease his mind. He called your name again and again; rushing back into the living room his eyes darted to the front door, a tiny bit of relief pricking his system as he saw the door was still locked and latched, as well as seeing your shoes and jacket by the door. Rushing back into the hallway he peeked into the bathroom, flicking on the light switch and with no sign of you, continued down the hallway to his room.

“(Y/N), please baby.” Flicking on the light his eyes scanned the room not catching a single sight of you-- when he heard it. Slowing his breathing down as much as he could in his panicked state he focused in his hearing on the small heaves of air coming from the closet. Stomach dropping, Corpse collapsed onto his knees, legs giving way from underneath him when he realized where you were and what was happening. Crawling his way toward the closet door he stopped right outside of it, he heard your breath hitch and knew you were holding it out of practiced instinct which made him want to vomit. But it wasn’t about him right now, so with a deep breath he finally managed to whisper out.

>>>

“Princess, I’m gonna open the door okay?”

Finally releasing the breath you had been holding, your lungs heaved for air as light flooded into the dark closet. Peeking an eye out from where it was buried in your knees, you blearily made out your boyfriend’s blurry figure kneeling outside the closet. With your body feeling like it was completely out of your control, sobs once again began to rack your huddled form as you shrunk away from him as far as you could into the corner of the closet.

“I’m gonna come in and sit with you okay, I won’t touch you unless you say I can alright?” You could hear some shuffling before hearing the door creak shut again engulfing the both of you in almost complete darkness, save for the few streams of yellow light coming from the cracks of the door. Corpse stared forward in complete silence, long legs bent uncomfortably and body hunched over in the cramped space of the closet trying to give you as much space as possible but knowing that the first step was sitting with you. The man beside you sighed softly, feeling his heart splinter with every heaving sob that raked over you; he could feel his own tears prick at his eyes and a sob starting to well up in his throat but he held them back. Mustering up the courage and will he finally opened his mouth to speak.

“(Y/N) I am so, so fucking sorry,” his voice pitched just above a whisper because he knew if his voice got any deeper that it would startle you and scare you even more than how you were already feeling right now. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking. It never should’ve hap-“

“Y- You br- broke your promise.” Your reply came in watery, stuttered breaths; the knot in Corpse’s throat came right back up, tears filling his waterline as much as he tried to keep his composure for your sake.

“I know. I know I did.” The man beside you managed to choke out thinking back to the day where he first lost his temper around you. You’d told him everything about your experience with your past relationships and how you were treated, what you used to cope and what he could do to avoid that in any way possible. He promised that day that he would never again raise his voice, or move too fast even when he was angry or frustrated, and made sure to note down anything that would possibly trigger you to completely avoid altogether. And he kept those promises… until today. Tilting his head to glance over at you, his eyes adjusting to the darkness of the closet to see you staring straight ahead, tears pouring endlessly down your damp face as your body still shook with soft cries.

“I can’t lose you (Y/N)” Corpse’s voice shook as he tried to figure out the right things to say that would keep you from walking right out that door.

“I’ll do anything. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’ll be better, I swear on my life I’ll be better. Anything you need— it’s yours. I just.. I can’t lose you. Not like this.” He hated how much he sounded like he was pleading when he’s the one who fucked up. The last thing he wanted to do was manipulate you into staying with him which was exactly what your ex did when they made the same mistake time and time again; something he swore he’d never even think of doing. But here he was, and here you were glancing up at him with bloodshot eyes, hair sticking to your tear slicked face and body shaking so much you’d think it was below freezing in there.

Tearing your gaze away from his, you heaved a watery, shaky sigh trying your best to get your thoughts in order. While you had your issues, you knew he had his as well; and with as much patience and understanding he gives you with your snappy, frustrated, sad days, you needed to give back that same patience and understanding with his own. You needed to be brave here.

“Baby-“

“C-Can you just hold me? Please?” You sputtered out just above a whisper, and before you could even unwrap your arms from around yourself Corpse was pulling you into his lap; strong arms encasing you as he pushed his face into your hair. That’s when you found out he was shaking just as much as you were, chest rising and falling erratically with contained sobs as he tried to keep his brave demeanour up for you. Tucking your head under his chin he leaned back against the wall as he crushed you to his chest, the droplets hitting the top of your head giving way to the fact that he was crying too. Pulling your arms up from your side, you slowly wrapped them around his shoulder as he pushed his face against the crook of your neck, sobs finally giving way as he cried helplessly into your shoulder; further dampening the already tear-soaked cloth of the hoodie you were wearing.

“I’m sorry,” Corpse sputtered, hooking his chin over your shoulder so he could keep up with the heaving of his chest, pulling an arm up from around your waist to rest on the back of your head. As much as he wanted to run his hands all over your body and bury his fingers in your hair to feel and memorize every inch of you, he kept them still not wanting to overwhelm you more than this kind of touch already did.

“I love you, I love you so much, I love you..“ he whispered over and over into the darkness of the closet as you both began to breath slower as one. Shushing him softly, you repeated the soft words back to him before wrapping your arms tighter around his shoulders, ensuring him that you were going to be alright.

There would be bumps in the road but Corpse was worth it.

__________________________________

[13uswntimagines]

Always Have a Place (Preath x Teen!Reader)

Request: learning to love part 2 with reader being super attached to Chris and Tobin then someone coments about it and reader starts to feel insecure about it again and Tobin and Chris has to reassure her again

You pulled the blankets tighter around you, padding through the chilly apartment towards the sound of your mama’s voice. The cold Manchester weather wasn’t quite agreeing with you, and paired with the holidays, you had been a bit on edge for the past few days. 

You never understood what the big fuss around Christmas was (as you had never been visited by Santa when you were younger), and Christmas Trees kinda freaked you out (Forster father number 3 had sent one through a window on your first Christmas with them). Though Christen and Tobin tried to show you some holiday traditions, you just didn’t understand why making cookies and drinking hot chocolate were supposed to put the world in a more giving mood. 

You rounded the corner, glancing to the left where Christen was sitting on the couch, and Right where Tobin was talking at the dining room table. You thought it was strange they never did video calls from the same room, but if it made them happy then who were you to judge. 

You sighed, deciding that Christen looked more cuddly, and began shuffling in her direction. She glanced over the top of her laptop at you, opening her arms to invite you in as she took in your tired form. 

“Hmm, you’re warm,” You mumbled, wigging into the woman to find your favorite spot. Christen giggled, wrapping her arm around you and pulling you closer, placing a kiss on the crown of your head. The two of you had grown close (almost as close as you and Tobin) in the past few months, and while you and Tobin bonded over art, you had become her cuddle buddy. Plus with the bad feelings the holidays always dredged up, you had been a bit more clingy than usual (not that her or Tobin were complaining) and her calming figure had put you at ease. 

“I’m glad baby, just a few more minutes and then we can all go to bed alright?” Christen asked softly, running a comforting hand through your hair. 

“You don’t have to rush, I’m comfy now,” You mumbled, allowing your mom’s scent to relax you. Now that she was here to ward off your nightmares, you were finding it difficult to stay awake. 

“Awe, is our favorite designer in training tired?” Megan jested from the screen, and you stuck your tongue out at her. 

“In training? My design sold out in less than a day,” you grumbled. You had been honored to work with your Ma on the popsicle capsule and were super excited that your work had done well. It was nice to know your art was appreciated, even if it wasn’t the typical portraits you did. 

Megan laughed, nodding in concession, glad you had warmed up to her. You were making amazing strides with not only the women that had become your moms but with the team as a whole. 

“The time change is a little much for us all I think,” Tobin said, glancing over at the two loves of her life from the kitchen table. God, you had come so far, had grown so comfortable coming to them when you weren’t feeling alright. 

“We all know the truth, that kid is just super attached to you, and probably can’t even sleep by herself,” Kling laughed, not noticing how you flinched slightly. You didn’t know Kling as well as you knew Megan or any of the other members of the USWNT and you weren’t quite sure how to take her teasing. 

“I can attest that Y/n is pretty cuddly. I don’t know how you detach her to train sometimes,” Pino shrugged and your eyebrows furrowed. Did Pino think you were too clingy too? Did she think you were holding your mom’s back? If they couldn’t train, they couldn’t be the best. They wouldn’t want you anymore if you were hindering them. 

You twisted slightly uncomfortable, pulling away from Christen’s comforting embrace. 

“I’m gonna go back to bed,” You mumbled, tucking your Batman blanket tighter around you. 

“You sure babe?” Christen asked, brushing a strand of hair away from your eyes. 

“Hmm,” You hummed, shuffling off to go and cuddle Roary. Hopefully, he could keep your nightmares away (not missing Tobin’s “Nice going, Kling,”). 

****

You woke with a start, sitting bolt upright and clutching your blanket tightly to your chest. You gulped down the bile that rose in your throat. You ran your hand across your forehead, pushing the sweaty strands of hair from your clammy skin. 

You blinked at the red number of the clock, the little 2 mocking you. It was the 4th time this week. Every part of you longed to go find the comfort your Mom and Mama always offered when you had a nightmare. But you couldn’t bring yourself to disturb them. Kling was right, how the hell were they supposed to play well with you bothering them every time you had a little scary dream. You were 14, not 4. 

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose and smoothing your thumb over both of your closed eyes in an effort to chase away the images that plagued your sleep. You were never going to get back to sleep now. 

You leaned over and grabbed your trusty drawing pad, before quietly tiptoeing out of the room, and down the hall. You paused as you passed the slightly ajar door to your moms’ room. They never complained about your frequent visits to their bed or pushed you to tell them which ghost from your past had made you end up there. 

You shook your head, taking a second to convince yourself that not going to them was going to benefit you in the end. If you stopped bothering them, being so clingy, they wouldn’t get tired of you. They wouldn’t get rid of you. 

You continued down the hallway, bypassing the kitchen in favor of turning into the living room. You stared out the bay windows, wishing for a minute that you were back in Portland. That you had the balcony to stand on and collect your racing thoughts, and the cool night air to ground you back in reality. Alas, you were here in the UK instead. 

You sighed again, curling up on the little window seat, staring listlessly at the drizzly night sky, and flipping mindlessly through the pages of your sketchbook. 

You settled on a blank page, mindlessly tapping your pencil on the paper. Your thoughts wandered, taking in the skyline as though it would tell you what to draw, how to set your mind at ease. The movement of your reflection in the window caught your attention, and suddenly you knew exactly what to draw. How to get your brain to stop obsessing over them leaving you. 

****

Tobin sighed as she entered the living room. It was the 5th time this week she had walked into the same sight of you slumped against the living room window, your pencil paused over your coveted sketchbook, which was balanced precariously on your knee. 

“She’s out here Chris,” Tobin called quietly down the hallway. How they had gone to waking up with you almost always cuddled between them (or on the foot of their bed) to you virtually pulling away entirely they weren’t sure. It hurt to see the brick wall around your heart rebuilding itself in front of their eyes. 

Christen padded up next to her, wrapping her arms around Tobin's waist and resting her head on her shoulder. “Again?” She asked, the sadness evident in her tone. They thought they had gotten over the hurdle of convincing you to come to them for help, plus she was starting to miss her cuddle buddy. 

“Hm, we need to get to the bottom of this,” Tobin mumbled, leaning back into her wife. It wasn’t healthy for you to be awake all night, even if you were processing your emotions through art, if for you to be pushing them away. They tried not to push you too hard, tried to let you come to them, but you clearly weren’t. They were going to need to intervene soon. 

“I’ll make the coffee, if you want to wake little miss up,” Christen murmured into her neck, placing a soft kiss before heading off towards the kitchen. 

You may have been her cuddle buddy, but you always had an easier time opening up to Tobin. Her chill demeanor set you at ease. 

Tobin nodded making her way over to you, making a mental note to put an extra blanket on the window seat in case this was going to continue. 

She crouched in front of you, carefully maneuvering the dangling sketchbook out of your hand, barely glancing at the still open page as she set it on the coffee table, and placing a gentle hand on your knee. 

“Hey kiddo, it’s time to wake up,” she said softly, rubbing your leg to rouse you. 

“Hm, what time is it,” You asked, pushing your forehead against the cool glass and blinking sleepily at the woman. 

“Just after 8. What time did you come out here?” She questioned softly. 

You shrugged, yawning loudly. “Like 1:30. I couldn’t go back to sleep after my dream so I decided to come out here for a bit,” You lazily gestured towards your sketchbook “thought I could work through it and I guess I fell asleep,” 

“Why didn’t you wake Me or Mom up, we would have hung out with you until you could get back to sleep,”  The woman pressed, cupping your face and running her thumb over your cheek, brushing the dark circles that had grown more prominent under your eyes. You leaned into her touch, allowing it to ease your fears for the moment. 

“Didn’t wanna bother you. Your both starting today,” you said. 

Tobin squinted at you, her head tilting to the side. You were more important to them than any starting position, they thought you knew that. It was a piece to the puss me that was this change in your behavior, but she couldn’t seem to put her finger on the rest. She couldn’t quite see how it fit. 

“You could never be a bother to us babe, we love you and want to help you. And you’re our priority, never worry about soccer when it comes to stuff like this. If one of us has to sit out, it’s no biggie,” She said, looking you in the eye, repeating the words that had become their mantra to you. 

You hummed noncommittally, abruptly pulling yourself out of her grasp, looking away from her piercing gaze. That was too close, and you didn’t want her to make a promise you knew she wouldn’t keep. It would hurt less later if you didn’t believe her. 

“Is mom making pancakes?” 

*****

Christen was worried. Very worried. She hadn’t meant to go snooping, but the sketch on the page of your open notebook had caught her attention, and once she started she couldn’t stop. 

It was a striking image. The drawing of the view from their apartment was nice, but what really caught her eye was the reflection of you in the glass. There was something about your expression that tore at her very soul. 

You drew what you felt, and if you had this much disparity, then something was very wrong. 

“Have you seen this,” She asked her wife breathlessly. Tobin glanced at the page, nodding once. It had been the same sketch 4 days in a row, the only thing that changes were the expression. The eyes growing emptier, the shadows getting bigger. She bit her lip. 

“We have to let her come to us, babe. All we can do is try to be there for her,” 

And try to be there for you they had. They increased their touches (trying not to feel hurt when you pulled away), Tobin scheduled extra time for the two of you to work on the capsule together. Hell, Christen even started leaving hot chocolate in the window seat for you. But nothing seemed to be working. You were slowly slipping away and neither of them knew why. 

Christen sighed, glancing back at the sketch, so beautifully haunting. “I just want her to let me help,”

“She will, you just have to let her sort through whatever it is first,” 

*****

Your moms were on their feet mere seconds after your first shriek, racing across the hall and into your room, searching for the threat. They released a breath they didn’t know they were holding when they saw you alone in your bed until another strangled cry left your lips. 

“No, I’ll be good, please don’t leave,”

That was all it took for them to jump into action, Tobin flipping on your bedside light, and Christen crawling into bed beside you. 

“Hey baby, wake up, it’s just a bad dream,” your mom said, wrapping you up in her arms and rubbing your back to rouse you from sleep. 

“Mom?” You asked disoriented, trying to fight the gentle hands keeping you from accidentally hurting yourself. 

“Shh, I’m here, you’re ok,” Christen said, pulling you into her lap. You buried your face in her neck, gripping her nightshirt so tightly the cotton was straining in your grasp. 

You sobbed into her neck, your tears making the skin sticky. “Don’t leave me please,” You begged, the words garbled by tears and your adamant refusal to pull away from your favorite hiding spot. Christen shushed you, rubbing your back with one hand and cradling your head with the other, sharing a worried glance with Tobin over your head. The other woman stood next to your bed, her hands opening and closing, shifting foot to foot unsure how to help you. 

“Never baby. We’re not going anywhere,” Christen soothed, gesturing for Tobin to take your other side. She did, hugging you from behind to let you know that she was there too. 

They held you as you cried, whispering sweet nothings over your unintelligible whimpering. 

“I’m sorry I’m too clingy. That you can’t practice as much as you used too,”

“No baby, we don’t feel that way at all. We love you, and we want to be here for you,”

“But Kling and Pino-“ You protested, only to be cut off by Tobin solemnly shaking her head. “Were joking, they didn’t mean anything by it. They’re both glad that you are opening up to them,” 

You stared at her in disbelief (and Tobin made a mental note to murder her friends for being assholes. They needed to learn that even though you felt comfortable, your fears and insecurities were not something to be picked on, even with the best intentions). 

“And so are we. We’re glad and honored that you’ve opened up to us, and let us see your goofy side, and your amazing art,” She added, brushing a wild curl from in front of your eyes. 

“Really?”

“Absolutely. We love how cuddly you are- it makes up for the 13 years we didn’t get with you,” Christen said, squeezing you tighter just to prove her point. It had taken you a long time to let them in, and though it was still a work in progress, they were honored you trusted them. That you had let them in further than anyone before. 

“Will you stay?” You asked in a small voice, almost afraid of the answer. 

“Always,” Your moms answered together. Tobin pulled back the covers, allowing Christen to maneuver the two of you inside before joining you. You sighed, reveling in their safety. Here, wedged between the women, you knew you would always have a place. 

[missymurphy1985]

The Groupie (part 5)

Warning - smut - sexting - filth.... Not even remotely sorry.

This is set in 2006/7, and Cillian has no children. Reader is a fan, has been since day one and is a plus size girl. I myself am a UK size 16, so I hope I don't offend anyone with my story (I'm writing about my own insecurities a little here so be kind please).

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @cilleveryone @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @datewithgianni

A week had gone by, you'd gone to write numerous text messages without actually sending them. He was bound to be back in Ireland now, your chance probably gone anyway. you'd even contemplated texting Orla but your nerves once again got the better of you. Ella had been away with her boyfriend all week, but had come back that morning and the two of you were catching up over breakfast.

"So tell me how you know Orla Murphy?" You asked, pouring your coffee.

"I went to school with her! I lived in Ballintemple for a couple of years in my teens, and we stayed in touch. When I saw what happened at the bar I called her to see what was going on. She told me what had happened."

"So you know Cillian too?"

"Of course - that's why he was at the bar that night, I invited them both! Even though he's the oldest and she's the youngest, they've always been the closest of the four Murphy's. He's been trying to get me a record contract!"

"Really? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know you knew him so um... well..."

"Yeah... God I'm such an idiot!! Why can't I just text him?"

"Because those old nerves are playing tricks on you again. Give me your phone."

"What? No!" She was too quick for you. Snatching your phone, she ran off upstairs and locked herself in the bathroom, ignoring your pleas from the other side of the door. She emerged a few minutes later, smirking, handing you your phone back. You quickly opened your texts and you stared at her, open mouthed.

"Ella!!! You can't start a conversation with someone like that!!"

"What? Should get his attention, right?" She winked, before heading to her room. You groaned at the text she'd sent - "You wanna know what I think about every day since that night? What you taste like.." and was quickly writing another explaining what had happened when he replied...

"Well that was an ice breaker." you read. Glancing back at the message Ella had sent him and instantly regretting ever meeting the woman.

"How do you plan on finding out?" Another reply... Oh god... You panicked and instantly shouted Ella who was more than happy to help. You'd never sent dirty texts before, and you didn't want to ruin this chance again. Her eyes glistened with excitement - her and her boyfriend regularly did this so she knew exactly what to say. You couldn't help but feel slightly giddy at this whole experience yourself.

"I'm going to tie you to the chair so you can't touch me."

"You have my attention."

"Your cock looks delicious... Hard and already leaking Mr Murphy... Are you hard now?"

"Maybe."

"My tongue stroking up your shaft... Over the slit at the tip, dipping inside gently..."

"Now I'm hard..." You bit your lip and Ella smirked. She winked and left you to it, you had actually written everything by yourself, turns out you didn't need as much help as you thought.

"I'll take the tip into my mouth... A gently suck, before taking you deep down my throat... Can you feel it?"

"Jesus... What are you doing to me, I'm hard as fucking stone here."

"Show me..."

A photo pinged through and your core clenched at the sight of his hard length - his left hand gripped the base.

"Are you wet? I showed you, now you show me." He asked. You were. Walking into your bedroom, you locked the door behind you. Laying on the bed, you pulled your jeans down to your thighs, leaving your lace underwear on and sliding your hand inside. Taking a quick photo of your hand under the lace, you sent it.

"Fuck... I wanna put my fingers inside you so fucking bad... Where are you?"

"I'm at home.. thinking of your cock buried deep in my throat.."

"Are you alone?"

"Ella's in the next room."

"Call a cab. I'll send my address. Come to me and find out what I taste like."

"I'm not getting a taxi to Dublin!"

"I'm not in Dublin - I'm in London. Call a cab now and get here before my hand does the job your dirty little mouth should be doing."

You didn't hesitate this time. Quickly changing into your favourite summer dress. The address came through and you called a taxi, making a mental note to buy Ella a bottle of wine later.

************************************************************

He had text to say the front door was open and to come straight in. You took a deep breath, pushing the door open and walking inside.

"Upstairs, first door on the right," you heard him shout.

Standing in the doorway, he was sat on the edge of the bed. He approached you slowly, taking your hands and leading you to sit next to him.

"Cill... I have to confess I didn't send that first text, Ella stole my phone..."

"Doesn't matter. You're here now. But I don't want to rush this, I've waited too long for you to come back to me and I can't lose you again."

"You won't lose me again.. I'm so sorry I didn't believe you..." He silenced you with his lips on yours, the kiss slow and passionate, his hands on the back of your neck and your arms snaking under his, around his chest.

"No more talking, we have plenty of time for that later..." You whispered, as he groaned, feeling your hand cup his growing erection under his trousers.

"You've no idea how hard it was not to make myself cum before you got here... That photo you sent me nearly killed me..." You were unbuckling his belt at lightening speed, his trousers and underwear dropping to the floor as you pushed him to sit on his bed. Dropping to your knees you smiled up at him, taking his cock in your hand and stroking it gently. The way his head lolled back and the soft moans from him made your core throb, you could feel how wet you were.

Without warning, you took him in your mouth, relaxing your throat to take him as far down as you could, his hips jerking slightly as your lips nearly made contact with the base of his shaft. His hand tangled into your hair as your mouth pumped against him, drawing fast breaths from above you and a tighter hair grip on your head.

"Fuck... You're gonna find out how I taste really soon if you carry on like that...."

You groaned into him, sending shockwaves through him as he gripped you tighter. You could feel his balls harden under your fingers as you rolled them in your hand, your mouth bringing his orgasm closer and closer.

"Baby... Fuck I'm gonna cum.... Oh god that's it...." A deep groan from above you, his stomach clenched as his warm cum flowed into your mouth. You pulled your mouth off him, allowing him to watch his seed spurt into your open mouth, rolling it around your tongue before swallowing it down.

"You taste good..." You knelt back up and pulled his face towards you, kissing him passionately so he could taste himself. You could feel him smirking under your lips before he pulled away, standing you in front of him.

"I'd have taken your word for it you know," he chuckled, swiftly lifting your short summer dress up and pulling your panties down in one solid movement. He lifted your foot to rest on his thigh, and his head disappeared under your dress, his mouth quickly making contact with your core. Your knees nearly buckled from the sudden impact, as you gripped onto his shoulder and the headboard for support.

"Oh my god that feels good... Oh yes...." Your hips were grinding against his tongue, the hand on his shoulder moving to the back of his head holding him in place. He suddenly pulled away, before laying back on the bed, head on the pillow and beckoning you over to him. You shook your head.

"I'll suffocate you -"

"Shut up and sit on my face..." He ordered, and you bit your lip in anticipation. Hovering over his face, he pulled your hips down and continued his assault, the new angle allowing him to fully explore you. Your hands gripped the headboard as your back arched. The dress was swiftly removed, along with your bra. His strong hands held your hips in place, his tongue finding your clit with precision as he lapped against it, driving you into a near frenzy.

You tried to contain your cries but it was useless - his name fell from your lips, short breathy pants as your orgasm grew close. He moved one of his hands underneath you, slowly inserting two fingers deep inside your soaked pussy, curling them up to find that sweet spot only he had ever been able to.

"Don't stop... Please don't stop..." He had no intention - the speed in which his mouth and fingers fucked you only got quicker and harder as you came hard against his face, your juices flowing onto his chin as he lapped them up hungrily, feeding from you as you came. Lifting your hips and moving down his body, he held you as you rested against his chest, slowly stroking his fingers up and down your spine. You quickly realised your frame may have been too much for him and tried to move but he held you in place, kissing the top of your head gently.

"Don't move... I've waited a year to feel your body close to mine, just let me hold you... Just for a little while longer..." He said softly, and you relaxed into his embrace as your breathing returned to normal. You could feel his heartbeat, pounding through his chest. You were certain he could feel yours too, pounding just as hard, and it had nothing to do with what he'd just done - it just all felt too right. Too perfect.

You felt his erection pressing into your stomach - it had been there since you first lay down but he wasn't in any rush to do anything about it yet. Content just to have you as close as possible. After a few more minutes, he rolled you onto your back, his lips on yours, gently probing your mouth with his tongue and running his hand down your body. You opened your legs and felt him slip inside you, before freezing.

"It's okay - I'm still on birth control..." You smiled, as he began to move slowly. His lips on your neck and collar bone, his hands lifting your legs up over his waist. You wrapped them around him as he thrust gently. Neither of you wanted to rush this moment, the feeling of being connected again.

"I've missed you.. you still feel so good..." He whispered in your ear.

Your nails scraped along his shoulder blades and over his chest as he lifted himself off you slightly, his hips starting to pick up the pace a little.

"Love having you back inside me... Fuck, you fill me up so good Cillian..."

He brought your fingers down to your clit.

"Need you to cum, I can't control myself around you..." You rubbed circles over your swollen clit as he moved quicker. Your second orgasm was already building, your fingers only increasing its intensity.

"You gonna fill me up? Cum so deep in me I can taste it again..." He groaned, his hips pistoning into you now as your words spurred him on, edging him closer.

"Like when I talk dirty to you while you're fucking me? Want me to make a mess over that pretty little cock of yours? My fingers feel so good on my clit.. ah..." His hand was resting against your cheek, your turned your face and took his thumb into your mouth, replicating your earlier actions on his cock as he groaned watching you.

"Oh god... Fuck I'm coming.. baby..." His eyes scrunched closed as he emptied into you, the force of it and the sounds he made sending you over the edge with him. Your mixed juices pooling underneath you.

"Jesus y/n..." You chuckled as he buried his head into your neck, his back rising and falling quickly as he came back down from his high. He gently pulled out of you, kneeling between your legs and running his hands softly over your thighs and groin making you shudder beneath him.

"You're beautiful... And I shouldn't have let you go without a fight y/n."

"I shouldn't have ghosted you.. I'm sorry.. Orla told me the shit Neve put you though."

"When did you see Orla?" You told him about the lunch you'd had with her last week and he laughed.

"She's a sneaky little shit. But I'm glad she did. Now come shower with me, I'm taking you out."

"Where are we going?"

"I don't care where we go as long as we're together."

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

April 2021 Part 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Second Chance Ep 1 - living up to its name since it looks to be a series of redemption arcs. Launched with a college confession and a broken friendship, then a flash back to them as seniors in high school. Pairings include friends to lovers, nerd/jock, and maybe cafe boss/employee. There’s a lot going on, but it’s still... quiet and sweet. The script is pretty pat but it’s still WAY more watchable than Cupid Coach or Brothers and most of the acting is solid. Ep 1 tropes included: he’s in engineering, wound tending, fast & bicurious. This could turn into what I wanted My Gear & Your Gown to be. Fingers crossed. 

Love Poison 2 Ep 1 & 2 turns out I did watch and report on season 1 (8 eps), season 2 seems equally unmemorable. Thai countryside setting, strong dialect, incomprehensible plot, camp side characters, and ghastly singing. 

Y-Destiny Ep 1 (eng subs?) - opened with the sports romance enemies to lovers (they aren’t going in the teaser order). When the couple got over fighting, the flirting was v cute, but the flipping SPONGE BATH trope had to rear its ugly head. Still, this series is shaping up to be less coy and more frank than most BL, better than expected. It feels, I don’t know, gay-er or something?  *** Sources were correct that each couple is getting (at least) 2 eps, and MDL has been updated to say this is a 15 episode series (not 7). 

Cupid Coach 12 fin - The new Nite was great and should have been a main all along. It felt like we got a tiny nugget of what could have been in about 10 minutes worth of this last ep. It was way too slow with terrible editing and a criminally bad script, but at least it ended happy. Mostly, like Friend Forever, I’m just disappointed that these two actors were done dirty by the series. Bad Cupid Coach, no screen caps for you. 

Lovely Writer Ep 6 - breaking news, there’s a het couple I like: toppy bi femme + soft boi = such a good pairing! I know, but this NEVER happens. Meanwhile, Sib’s secret is out, Gene is a bit of a drama queen, and the plot thickens. We half way through.  

Brothers Ep 9 - Kaow had a serious moment of advice giving that was truly lovely. Lots of family dama made this a superior episode to... well... any of the others in this series. Which isn’t saying much. 

1000 Stars Ep 10 fin - at the start this series didn’t grab me the way GMMTV’s last BL, Tonhon Chonlatee, did. But boy did it end 1000x better. Might have given us 2021′s best forehead kiss. I enjoyed the ultra romantic cliff-top reunion kiss, and I LOVED the stinger flirting scene. That was an absolute gift we had no right to expect. This drama is a poster child for finishing on a high note (always focus on that dessert course). Final thoughts? This was FAR more a classic romance than it was BL. There were some BL tropes used but not many and most of them originated in the romance genre not yaoi. A picture perfect ending bumped 1000 Stars much higher up my best-of list than expected. Not sure how often I’ll rewatch it as a whole, but this last episode? I’m probably rewatching it right now. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 3 fin - I guess that’s it? Okaaaaay  

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 3 (AKA Ep 5-6) - we got actual legit gay culture not just BL (always appreciated) from XingSi. I’m starting to find LiCheng’s “show them we fucking” hijinks hilarious rather than annoying (not sure why, maybe I just love a rubber chicken, or maybe it was the STUFFED CORN WITH THE TASSEL that did it). 

-- H4 Moment of RANT --

Tropes included beach trip, there’s only one bed, cook for him, baby is a floppy drunk, carry baby to bed, and.... drunk non-con. Whoopdedoo. Here we go again. Did TharnType teach us NOTHING? (Apparently it taught us if the chemistry is good enough, I have no morals at all.) At least H4 seems to be taking us out of cheese into serious when it comes to assault. Or is it? 

I take back what I said last week about XingSi & YongJie being codependency + salvation trope, that only works if YongJie is the uke. He’s NOT. So we got us an obsessive predatory villain with a possible redemption arc. That’s more common in crime dramas, mafia romance, and epic fantasy than BL. It’s real hard to redeem a sexual predator in a reality-grounded universe like contemporary romance (See Kla in LBC1&2). 

Next week is gonna be a test of the whole damn franchise. Imma remind both me a you that this was ep 3 of 10 so we got a ways to go yet... but ooof, what have we wrought, BL? (I ended up doing a whole post about the stepbrother trope because of this sub plot.) Taiwan is killing me.

-- RANT ended --

Word of Honor (China) Ep 19-21 - over half way point so we got ALL the back story (in a classic 4 act story structure midway reveal). Now we know who WKX really is and his lineage. We also got some cute hugs and hand holds. Moving along at a nice clip despite being 36 eps total. Still gayest thing to come out of we-not-gay China since Advance Bravely. 

Most Peaceful Place (Vietnam) Ep 2 - takes them a while to get eng subs together and ep 2 didn’t drop until late. So I’m putting this in a Thurs time slot going forward. Miscommunication already cleared up and a 2nd couple has been introduced. The pacing on these Vietnamese BLs is always a bit... off. But it’s still better than most of its ilk, enjoyable. I’m thinking it’s a 6 ep arc. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 5 - after the initial drama DRAMA of ep 2, the current external crisis at work is much quieter, giving this whole season a top heavy feel. Taken along side the first season, I think it’s fitting nicely into a 4 act structure, but that might be my bias. I hope I’m not wrong, we’ll find out next week. Shi De puttering about being domestic with Shu Yi on his back was the best execution of the piggyback trope EVER. Meanwhile, our little D/s side couple of codependency, salvation trope + mental illness is becoming weirdly appealing. I don’t know. H4 done mess with my head. 

Stand Alones 

Absolute BL AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko  (Japan) Ep 1-4 mini series. Found subs under A Man Who Defies The World of BL. IT’S HILARIOUS. It’s Japan making fun of us, but also itself for having started this whole BL nonsense - from yaoi roots to present day. It’s parody goddamn gold. Utterly cheeky unto the very last line. We are not worthy. 

Apparently the most powerful tropes of all time are: baby is a floppy drunk and the piggyback fo nobility. Oh and chocolate. {Full review here.} 

Honestly, this show may have been made with only @heretherebedork and I in mind. I don’t know if you’d even understand half of it if you don’t have a history with the manga source genre and an obsessive interest in underlying narrative devices. I haven’t seen much chatter in the blog’o’sphere on this one because, in the end, it’s not a romance at all, it’s social commentary. 

The ending line was a masterclass in lampooning a genre. I’m going to rewatch the whole thing just to catch all the digs I missed first time around. It is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. 

Thank you Japan. I forgive you all your hair-styling sins of the last decade. 

Breaking News 

Spring Line Up:

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) April 15th 

Close Friend the series (Thai trailer) April 22. 

2gether the movie (Thai trailer) April 22 to Thai theaters.

Nitiman (Thai) May 7 on One31.

I Told Sunset About You 2 (Thai) May 27 on LineTV

Ossan’s Love (Hong Kong) June to Viu 

Gossip 

Bad Buddies released its first promo op via Arm Share, which means GMMTV is at least *thinking* about filming it. 

Fun behind the scenes gossip sesh with eng subs for Tell the World I Love You (that Perth Bas movie we are maybe getting someday but will likely be sad). 

New Thai BL Bite Me (adapted from novel Grab a Bite) dropped a teaser. It stars Mark Siwat (Kla in LBC) as uke character Ake, a delivery boy with special foodie powers, and chef Eua (seme played by Zung Kidakorn) who discovers him. It’s from the same author as Manner of Death so we might even get some actual plot. Since it’s an established BL actor who I happen LOVE, a known author, and a plot about FOOD, I could not me more excited for this one. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons. Some are dropping multiples at a time but just started so I’m not sure on numbering. 

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

[imagintheworldaway]

Secrets

Anonymous asked: Could you do one of Harry and fem. reader where she’s also a big youtuber, she’s secretly dating Harry and goes with him all the time to the sidemen shoots to just help around BTS and is also spends time with Harry just talking to him, cuddling or just checking up on him and the fans see her in the background of someone’s ig story and freak out cause they find out that they’re dating? Hopefully that made somewhat of a sense. Thanks!

A/N I hope I got this right! it was so fun to write something more cuddly! I'm still accepting requests!

Being a YouTuber was not part of my plan. Succeeding and becoming the most subscribed to female YouTuber from the UK was defiantly not part of the plan. Finding the love of my life at such a young age who also shared my passion and love for the community was just a huge bonus that came with my life style. 

My relationship with Harry had been going on for just under 18 months, all of our friends knew but we had yet to tell our fans, following in JJ’s footsteps and wishing to keep out private lives more of a secret. Well our love lives at least. We relished in our moments together, secret pictures, holidays we took to small islands and unknown places just to spend time together. We had been so careful and thus far it had all paid off for us. 

I was helping with the new Sidemen Sunday video, the price is correct or what ever they decide to call it. we were on set and I was just there to help around with all the little bits since their assistant was off sick. Plus it was a prime excuse to spend time with Harry. 

“Y/N can you grab me a bottle of water?” Vik asked from on set whilst the cameras weren’t rolling. “Yes boss” I said saluting him, grabbing a water and bringing it on set. “You know what, I’m not surprised your assistant is sick of you” I giggled as I handed over the water. “We’re not that bad, could be getting you to run around like a head less chicken but think bog would kill us” Ethan commented earning a laugh from Harry. 

“Awe how sweet” I smiled moving so I was on the other side of Harrys podium.”so glad you’re protecting me from these big mean men” I teased at my boyfriend, causing a light blush to grace his cheeks. “Yh well, need to protect you, you seen these lads? They’re mental, and that’s when they’re sober” Harry commented waving his arms around gesturing at the lads causing me to giggle. “You’re so silly” I smiled at my boyfriend as I leant on his podium a little looking at the shot glass and grabbing the white board pen, drawing a tiny heart in the corner of his board. 

Harry pouted at the drawing “I’m going to have to rub that out now, or everyone will think I’ve gone soppy” he grabbed the white board eraser and removed my drawing. “There’s nothing wrong with being soppy with your girlfriend” I shot back at him. “5 minutes guys” Kon shouted from behind the cameras. “Best go back to being your assisted Mr Lewis” I wiggled my eyebrows at my boyfriend. “Well I need you to come here” Harry said his hands on the edge of the podium. I leant on the structure as Harry leant down and gave me a kiss. “I hope you don’t treat all of your assistants like that” I teased him, straightening the hood of his jumper out so it wasn’t all clumped up. “Only the fit ones” he smiled at me. “30 seconds, Y/N off set” Kon called. 

I waved goodbye to my boyfriend as he pouted at me, quickly turning that pout into a smile as the signal for the cameras to turn on was given. The shoot went really well with Harry winning an array of items but ultimately loosing out on the big prize of going to Dubai. I watched the whole thing, with crew phones not being allowed on set I didn’t have much more to do, but it was entertaining. 

I walked up to the boys as time was called. “We are not keeping that pig” I laughed as I got a frown from harry. “Its so ugly babe, plus it won’t fit in your apartment” I commented looking the structure up and down. “That’s why he’s staying at yours” Harry smiled at me. I shook my head giggling at him , there was no way that thing was even coming close to my house. 

We bid farewell to all of the guys and made our way back to my apartment as it was ironically closer to the studio than Harry and Cals place. As soon as we were back at mine I finally turned on my phone as Harry flopped down on my sofa reaching out for me. I giggled and straddled his legs, nuzzling into his neck until I heard my phone go off furiously with all my missed notifications. I tried to ignore the constant buzzing by snuggling deeper into Harrys chest, his arms wrapped my waist and his fingers playing with the end of my hair. After around 15 minutes of trying to just relax with Harry and my phone still not giving up I decided to lean up and grab my device. Earning a groan from Harry as the warmth of my body was no longer leaning on him. I was met with texts from Talia, Gee, Elz, Freya and mentions from fans about Simons instagram story. I leant up further so that I was sitting on Harrys lap and furrowed my eyebrows. “What’s on Simons story?” I questioned and after a second of though ultimately receiving a shrug from my boyfriend. I cocked my head, a sign to elaborate. “My phone died when we got to the studio I have no clue, just come back and lets nap” he whined for my touch.  I rolled my eyes and went onto Simons instagram. After clicking through a few stories I saw one from the shoot today and quite clearly in the background see me leaning on Harrys podium with him leaning down and kissing me. I gasped at the story and instantly spun my phone around for Harry to see. He leant up onto his elbows and squinted at the photo before his eyes went wide realising the image he was seeing. It was obviously me as you could see my hair and figure quite clearly, even if I was only in my comfy clothes on set today, my fans know me too well.

“We were so careful” I whispered feeling so defeated that such a simple mistake by an unknowing friend was the grand reveal of our relationship. “Bloody Simon” Harry said through gritted teeth, reaching for his charging phone and I can only presume he was about to chew out his friend. “Hey babe, it’s ok” I said grabbing Harrys face so that he was looking at me and not focusing on his phone. “Well looks like our secrets out” Harry whispered looking back at me with eyes that said ‘I’m so sorry, my mates are idiots’. “Best confirm It then I guess?” I suggested smirking at Harry, there was no way of us avoiding this now, this comment received a nod from Harry. He sat up with me still straddling his chest. I took a screenshot of Simons story and zoomed in on Harry and I. I popped it on my instagram story with the caption ‘secrets out I guess thanks @miniminter ;)’. Then I took a cute selfie of Harry and I in our current positions on the sofa and added that to my story, tagging him and adding little love heart emojis to the picture. Soon floods of messages came in from twitter, instagram and even reddit with people claiming they knew all along and how they were happy for us. 

“At least we can go out in public properly together, I finally get to show off my gorgeous girlfriend to the world” Harry smirked at me rubbing his hands up and down my sides. 

“Looks like we are the new it couple now” I smiled at harry showing him the positive reaction we were getting. “Oo I can do so many more videos now, thanks for the new content” I giggled at him before he engulfed me in a hug, smashing our lips together shutting me up. “God I love you” 

[weelittleweasley]

Transfer Student | Draco x Reader

Prompt: After transferring from Ilvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to Hogwarts, all of Hogwarts’ eyes is on the new girl. An American Gryffindor? Everyone wants to be your friend, steal a glance from you, or ask you on a date. Can Draco resist the hype or will he end up all for the new girl?

Warnings: None! Just some fluff and longing looks from bitch boy Malfoy

Word Count: 3.4k

A/N: My requests box is very full oh my LORD. I’m trying to churn them out as consistency as possible, so if I skip a day with no imagines, it’s mostly for me to take a breather and catch up on my actual work for my job and school.

America was home, no matter where you were in the world. You grew up an American and lived your life with that culture and their customs. Going to school at Ilvermorny was a treat. Tucked away in the mountains in Massachusetts, it was your happy place, full of other kids from across America, studying magic. But things changed drastically when your father was offered a position at the Ministry of Magic overseas in London. Your parents were thrilled, a prestigious job in a new country; your father accepted the position, no question. You on the other hand were more nervous than anything. Moving meant new school, new friends, new start. Not to mention, if you moved within the country, you would still attend Ilvermorny. But now that you were moving overseas, it really meant a new start with a whole different school with a whole different body of students. 

Your mother was insistent that you would be just fine starting at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. “Mom,” you insist, “I’m an American among a sea of people from the UK. I’m going to be a fish out of water. They’ll know the moment I open up my mouth!” 

But there was no changing their minds. You were moving to London whether you liked it or not. So you had to say goodbye to all of your friends at Ilvermorny. Although you expressed your anxieties about moving and switching schools, the rest of your friends were jealous of your move. Saying how London was a beautiful city and they were so jealous of all the culture and events happening. It did seem exciting, you always wanted to visit Europe, but not like this. 

Soon enough, you were on a plane to London from America, your things packed up and ready to ship you off to Hogwarts. When you arrived, your heart raced with excitement and nerves. London was a little grey and stormy, but it was still beautiful. People most melodically and dressed neatly. Men in suits, carrying around briefcases, heads tilted down as they ran to work. Women dressed cleanly and beautifully, walking to work, in and out of shoppes. Your mother gave your hand a squeeze as your father insisted you took the Tube to your new home.

London was very different from your hometown. Much more hustle and bustle with busy people, but its people were much kinder than Americans. Strangers offered you small smiles as you looked at your surroundings. As you arrived to your new home, you couldn’t help but feel out of place. Everything was different. Even the oven. You couldn’t think about how long it was going to take to get you adjusted to this life. You drag your suitcases into your room, flipping open the latches. “Don’t bother unpacking, honey,” your mom calls. “You leave for Hogwarts tomorrow, remember?”

Your stomach sinks. You couldn’t even get used to your new home because tomorrow you had to get used to your new life at Hogwarts. 

The next morning, you arrived at the train station, confused as ever. Your mom and dad walked with you through the station, interrogating you on what to tell the Professors when they asked for your information at arrival. “My name is (Y/N), I’m the transfer student from Ilvermorny, I’m going to be a junior,” you start.

“You’re a sixth year student,” your father corrects. You look at him, confused. “The education system here is different, sweetie. You’ll technically be going into year six at Hogwarts.”

Sighing, you know that this was going to take some getting used to. 

----

You watched your parents wave goodbye to you, your mother with tears in her eyes. Your heart drops, not wanting to leave your parents to go off to somewhere that was completely foreign to you. As the view of your parents fades, you walk through the train, looking for an empty stall to sit. People sat with groups of friends, laughing, picking up right where they left off. Why couldn’t you have been a first year student? This would have made things so much easier. As a sixth year, everyone had friend groups and you would have to wiggle your way into one. 

Finally, you find an empty car and plop yourself down on the seat, laying your head back. Here’s to the start of a miserable year, you think to yourself. You play with the charm bracelet on your wrist that your mother gave to you when you started school at Ilvermorny. The bracelet had a Thunderbird charm on it, the mascot of your house at Ilvermorny, and the same house as you parents. You were a proud Thunderbird, but now you had to be sorted into a new house with a new breed of people. You only hoped that whichever house you were sorted into had the same type of people as Thunderbird did. 

As you mindlessly play with the charms on your bracelet, the car that you sat in’s doors slid open. “Are you alone?” a blonde haired girl asks you, noticing you amongst the chaos of the cars around you. “Would you like some company?”

“That would be nice, actually,” you offer her a thankful smile. 

The blonde haired girl sits down in the booth across from you, pushing all of her thick hair to one shoulder. “Your accent,” she notices, her eyes widening. “It’s American,” her dainty English accent points out as you blush in embarrassment. “It’s lovely.” You slightly smile and blush, silently thanking her. “Are you a transfer student from Ilvermorny?”

You nod, “Yeah, actually. My name is (Y/N), by the way. I’m a jun-I mean a sixth year student.”

“I’m Luna,” she shakes your hand politely. “I also a sixth year. Look! You’ve only been here for five minutes and you’ve already made a friend in your year!” Your heart swell at the word friend. At least you at Luna to tag along with. The two of you talk for a while, you telling her about America and why your family moved to England, confiding in her about your nervousness about the new school and making new friends. “I’m sure you’ll have no trouble making friends, (Y/N). Everyone at Hogwarts is very friendly. Besides, once you get sorted into your house you’ll make a ton of friends that way!” Your stomach churns. “Do you reckon what house you’ll be sorted into?”

Shaking your head, you reply, “Nope. Back at Ilvermorny I was a Thunderbird. But I don’t know if that means I’ll get sorted into a specific house at Hogwarts.” You reach into your backpack and pull out a pack of Fruit Roll Ups. “Want one?” you open the box to her as she gives you a hesitant look. “It’s good I promise,” you giggle. “If you don’t like it, you can force me to eat a gross British snack,” you tempt as she laughs before taking one from the box.

The two of you sit in the car, peeling open your Fruit Roll Ups, munching on the sticky snack. As you laugh at Luna getting it stuck in her teeth, another person comes to the car door, sliding open, making you yelp out scared, them surprising you. “What’s that?” the red headed boy asks, referring to the snack you munch on. You just look at him, bewildered that he just burst through, no introduction, no hello, no nothing. “Oh, hi Luna,” he smiles as Luna waves. The red headed boy looks at you. “You’re new,” he states as if you didn’t know. “I’m Ron Weasley,” he smiles at you warmly, making every bad thought about him leave your mind. 

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N),” you reply before tossing the ginger a Fruit Roll Up. He catches it, eyes wide with excitement as he tears it open. 

Ron sits next to Luna as he peels his Roll Up. “Your accent. You’re an American,” he points out as he looks to Luna who smiles sweetly. 

You tease, “Really? I didn’t notice.” This makes Ron let out a chuckle before eating his Fruit Roll Up in two bites. “I’m a transfer from Ilvermorny.”

“Ron! Where did you go?” a voice calls from the hall. Suddenly, a girl with brown hair, wrapped in a stripped cardigan appears with a worried look on her face. It instantly relaxes when she sees Ron sitting next to Luna and you, wrappers in his hand from the Fruit Roll Up. “Ron, you can’t just interrupt two people’s conversation and then eat their snacks.”

Ron puts his hands up in defense. “She offered it to me!”

The girl rolls her eyes at his antics before walking into your car. The booth was getting awfully full very quickly. “I’m sorry about him. He has the mental capacity of a teaspoon,” she says, making Ron let out an offended hey! “I’m Hermione Granger. You are?”

You shake her extended hand with a smile. “(Y/N), I’m a transfer student fr-”

“Ilvermorny! I heard we were getting an American, but I didn’t believe it! Wow! It’s so nice to meet you,” she exclaims, scooting closer next to you. “Are you excited to be here? Which house do you think you’ll be sorted into? From what I’ve heard about you, you were a Thunderbird, correct? I reckon you’ll be a Gryffindor by the looks of it,” Hermione fires away. You were little taken aback by how forward she was, but you had to admit it was sweet. 

All of your fears of not being able to make any friends slowly faded away.

----

It has been a week since you arrived at Hogwarts. As Hermione had predicted, you were sorted into Gryffindor, making her cheer out in delight. “Yay! More girls!” she hugged you tight when you entered the Gryffindor common room. “They can be much,” she refers to Harry and Ron behind her with a little giggle. 

You had to say so far, you adjusted well to Hogwarts. You did miss your friends back home, but whenever you started to miss them, you found Hermione or Luna and they would always cheer you up and make you feel right back at home. Your classes were interesting, but hard at Hogwarts. Your Professors were all brilliant, some more intimidating than others. Regardless, you worked hard for your grades, doing study groups with Hermione, quizzing yourself with Luna, and spending countless nights in the library. 

However, much to your surprise, you were the talk of the halls at Hogwarts. Whenever you were in the hallways, you would feel people’s eyes on you as you walked beside Luna, whispers throwing your name around. Your anxiety grew. What did people think of you? Did they think you were strange? Did they hate that an American was in the school? 

It was actually quite the opposite. People were fascinated by you and how charismatic you were. You were kind to everyone, offering people smiles, making conversation in the Great Hall during meals, offering help with studying. You were the it girl of Hogwarts. 

That was a new concept for you since you always blended in at Ilvermorny. Maybe it was time for a change. You were getting invited to parties, asked to hang out on weekends in Hogsmeade, and not to mention, you were a few people’s crushes. “Hi (Y/N),” Seamus waved at you with a shy smile.

“Hey, Seamus,” you smile back, brightly, unaware of his blossoming crush on you. His cheeks turned beet red as you wiggled your fingers back at him. Hermione laughs next to you as a bunch of Gryffindor boys in your year watch you walk down the hall, you tossing your hair over your shoulder. “What’s so funny, Granger?” you ask, pushing her shoulder lightly. “Is it so strange that I say hi to everyone in the halls?”

She just shakes her head. “Are you that blind?” she laughs. “(Y/N), nearly every boy in our year fancies you.” You furrow your brows. Hermione groans, knowing you didn’t understand her slang. “The boys all think you’re cute. They’ve got crushes on you.”

Rolling your eyes is disbelief, you enter your History of Magic class. “Yeah, right, Hermione. The day everyone has a crush on me is the day pigs fly,” you plop down in your chair, grabbing your book out of your satchel. “Besides, I’m sure it’s just the new girl crush. It’ll be over within the next week, I’m sure of it.”

Hermione looks at you knowingly. “(Y/N), you’ve been here for two months now.” You just ignore her comment and continue getting ready to take notes for class. “There’s no denying that you are the popular girl,” she teases you as you fake gag. “I’m serious. I dare you to flirt with anyone in here and see their reaction,” she whispers to you.

You look around the room to see who would be the person most likely to shoot you down if you flirted with them. Two desks over was Blaise Zabini sat next to Draco Malfoy. You smirked and nudged Hermione as if to say watch this. “Blaise?” you ask, his head shooting up to look at you. “I think I forgot my quill. Do you have one I could borrow?” you bat your eyes at him.

A cheeky grin comes across his face as he hands you the one in his hand. “Forgetful today?” he smirks as you giggle. “You can borrow my quill any day,” he winks at you as Hermione fake gags, making Zabini rolls his eyes.

“Why don’t you ask Granger for one next time? The mudblood is always prepared,” Draco speaks from behind Zabini. 

Anger rises in your chest as Malfoy laughs about your best friend. “Why don’t you just keep your fat trap shut and cry to daddy about how much you hate this school, Malfoy? No one wants to hear it out of you, least of all me,” you spit before turning away to do your work. Hermione smiles as you, squeezing your hand. “See? Malfoy doesn’t have a crush on me!” you tell her, making her laugh.

Meanwhile, Draco glares at Zabini. “Don’t tell me you fancy the American girl too.” Zabini keeps his mouth shut, knowing what’s best for him. “What is everyone’s obsession with her? She’s American, not from outer space.”

Blaise shakes his head. “Come on, Malfoy. She’s proper fit, isn’t she? Not to mention, she’s quite cheeky and has good banter.”

Draco just slaps Blaise upside the head. “Oh, please,” he huffs. “There’s plenty of girls like that in this school. She’s not the only one.”

Throughout class Draco thinks to himself about what the entirety of Hogwarts’ student body saw in you. He ignored the lecture going on in the front of the classroom and dreamily watched you during class. You sat there, biting down on your lower lip gently in concentration, scribbling down notes as your nose scrunched up when a question came to mind. He could see the wheels churning in your head when you asked a question and then the lightbulb flick on when it was answered and it made sense. You let a small dance play on your lips when you answered a question correctly faster than Hermione. You hair flopped on head perfect as you pushed strands back as they fell. Your eyes twinkled with curiosity and playfulness like a child. Draco’s heart thumped a little louder when you let out a giggle when the professor made an awful joke. His heart nearly stopped when you looked over at him and caught his gaze, your cheeks taking a rosy hue as you looked away shyly. Draco didn’t look away for a second. He wanted you to know he was observing you. Shit, he silently thought as he felt his heart rate pick up when you sent a cheeky wink his way. He was caught.

You left class that day, a little pep in your step. You didn’t think much about people having a crush on you, but something about Draco Malfoy staring at you during class made you giggly. “What are you on about?” Hermione pokes your side. “I know you aren’t happy about that lecture, so spill.”

“Nothing,” you smile as you walk down the hall. “Can’t I just be happy?”

Hermione rolls her eyes. She had a feeling she knew what was happen, but rather than embarrass you about it, she kept to herself. “Alright,” she sing-songs.

------

The more time passed the more Draco found himself thinking about you and itching to get to class just so he could tune the professor out at steal longing glances at you. Sometimes you would catch him as he sent a little wink your way as you blushed. Sometimes he would catch you staring at him which gave him way too much satisfaction of knowing you liked him just as much as he liked you. 

You had no problem talking to boys, but Draco was different. You didn’t talk to him much because you were too scared you were going to embarrass yourself in front of him.

But Draco on the other hand found any excuse to walk right up to you in the halls and strike up conversation. He would see you walk down the hall, his eyes zeroing in on, dismissing his friend group as he made his way up to you. He didn’t care who you were with whether it was Luna or Hermione. Draco just slid himself next to you with a sly, “Where are you off to, American girl?”

You did not try to stop the blush from appearing on your cheeks. “What’s it to you, Malfoy?” you tease as he laughs.

“I’d walk you there if you let me,” he suggested as you glanced to Luna or Hermione as they would fall behind to walk to class with Ron or Harry. “Ah, alone at last,” he’d tease as your friend walked away, earning a teasingly slap from you. “Don’t worry, I won’t try and pull anything on you.”

As you sat in another class of History of Magic, you doodled in your notebook. When the professor turned his back to write on the chalkboard, you see a small origami dove fly over to your desk. Curiosity gets the best of you as you peel it open to see a little note scribbled on the inside.

American Girl,

I need to ask you a very important question.

You look to your left to see Draco staring straight ahead at the board, but his eyes look towards you with a sneaky smile on his lips. You shake your head, a grin teasing your lips as you write back, And what would that be, Mr. Malfoy? 

When the professor turns back around, you send the note back to him. You watch him scribble for a while, your curiosity eating away inside of you. Finally, he folds the note back up and send it your way quickly.

The note lands back on your desk as you ravenously open it, dying to know what the question was. 

You. Me. Hogsmeade. This Saturday.

Your heart flutters and you want to giggle, but you hide your smile and scribble back coyly, That’s not a question, Malfoy. 

Again, you send it back his way, watching him open it as you bite your lip to contain your smile as you pretend to pay attention to the class. From your peripheral vision, you watch him scribble back. The note lands back on your desk and you let it sit there for a second, making Malfoy sweat. You let a solid ten seconds pass before looking at the note, pretending to be shocked to see it on your desk, before peeling it open slowly as Malfoy lightly laughs, watching you do so.

So it that a yes?

You smile and write out as slowly as you possibly can. It’s a yes.

The note makes its way back to Draco’s desk as he catches it from the air, ripping it open. He smiles impossibly wider and laughs a “yes,” a little too loud for your professor to hear. 

“Mr. Malfoy? Would you like to share something with the class?” your Professor asks.

Draco realizes that everyone’s eyes on him, including you as a deep shade of pink rises to your cheeks. Draco sends you a wink before standing up from his seat, your heart beating fast. What is he doing? “Actually, yes,” he retorts. “I’ve got a date with the new girl,” he declares. Girls all turn to you before immediately whispering to those around them as some boys groan and others cheer Malfoy on. 

You just sit there, blushing like a fool. Hermione grabs your arm. “No way,” she speaks.

“You better believe it,” you whisper, eyes not leaving Draco’s as Zabini high fives him. Saturday could not come quicker.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Bioware Magic

So apparently Bioware is hiring. I found out about this on Twitter and there’s even a job for which I have experience: Executive Assistant (glorified term for Secretary).

I was tempted. For like ten seconds. And then I realised ... no. I don’t want to work for Bioware until and unless they provably change their entire corporate culture. And with the economy doing what it’s doing, I see them getting way worse before they get better.

Seriously, I get the temptation to work for a company that made some of your favourite games. And granted, they’re not in the press for the kinds of abuse that, say, Ubisoft and Activision Blizzard have thrown at their employees. However. my memory does not shame that of the average goldfish, and so I remember a couple of terms used in various articles (mostly by Jason Schrier) about the development of Dragon Age: Inquisition, Mass Effect: Andromeda, and Anthem. Namely: “Bioware magic” and “stress casualties”.

We all know their modus operandi. Flail around with zero direction for a good long while, trusting in “Bioware magic” to make sure it’ll all be alright on the night. And by “Bioware magic”, they mean “crunch crunch crunch”. They overwork their employees to ridiculous levels and have had what they refer to as “stress casualties” - people who’ve had to be off work for weeks or even months for stress. Even those who manage to carry on working under those conditions have reported finding a little room to cry in on a regular basis at the workplace. That belief that “Bioware magic” will solve any and all problems does more than one disservice to the employees. The first, obviously, is the physical and mental health ramifications of that level of overwork. The second is that by using a term like “Bioware magic”, they actively obfuscate the role the ludicrously overworked staff have in making it happen. “Magic” suggests it just happens. No, it does not just ‘happen’. People make it happen. And people are undervalued enough as it is. This is a service economy. People are selling their labour. And bullshit terminology like that undervalues that labour - which is great for the company but bad for the people actually doing the labour.

And the stupid part is, it generally isn’t ‘alright on the night’. However one feels about Mass Effect: Andromeda, fact remains that it launched in a sorry fucking state for a AAA video game. It was a mess of bugs and needed significant patching before it ran remotely smoothly. And as for Anthem, well ... it was half-baked at best, and their road map had to be scrapped because there was too much work to do in order to make it playable before they could move on to actual content, by which point everyone had more or less given up on it. All that frenetic, last-minute bullshit doesn’t even net positive results anymore! It didn’t at the time, frankly, but at least we ended up with fewer bugs when there were fewer moving parts and less focus on open-world, I guess?

So no - while it sounds nice in theory to work for the company that makes some of my favourite video games, I know how they operate. My jobs over the years might have had a lot of stress but they weren’t ... well, that. I’m not having it. No. I’d almost recommend no one apply for those damn jobs if not for the fact that if they don’t have more staff, they’ll just overwork the ones they still have even worse.

Also ... Edmonton, which means Alberta. Fuck you; I’m not living in Alberta. That whole province fucking scares me. @miaaoi calls it “the Texas of Canada” and I’ve heard others call it Albertabama. Ultra right-wing libertarian freaks are in charge over there, and I get enough of that here in the UK, thanks. I’m not moving to one of the few places that’s worse than where I live now, even if the national government might be a sort of checkrein on Alberta if you tilt your head and squint.

[t-lostinworlds]

Hold On (Tom Holland)

a/n: hello, surprise? but yes, so, i was kind of in a funk for a bit and when that happens, i write angst. then i heard the song (i was listening to my sad playlist as u do aha) and here we are. i wrote this fairly quick so bear with it as it may seemed rushed (it is) so it may be bad heh. also, i suggest listening to the song while reading for full effect.

pairing: tom holland x female reader summary: You locked yourself in the bathroom when things got overwhelming. Tom felt worried when it went quiet inside for too long, heart stopping by what he saw when he broke through the door. based on song: Hold On - Chord Overstreet warnings: drug overdose (vaguely written & only on tom's pov), angst, brief panic attack, open(?) but happy ending. word count: 3.2k+

masterlist on bio & pinned post

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**US/UK HELPLINES & FREE 24/7 SUICIDE HOTLINES IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES**

~~~

"I can't do better in helping if you don't tell me what's wrong Y/N," Tom said softly, concerned eyes staring right into your troubled ones.

He had his arms open wide as he slowly inched towards your trembling form, making sure to not get too close, too fast. He doesn't want to overwhelm you by being all over your personal space, he doesn't want to stress you out even more by crowding you. Tom knew he needed to be gentle, patient, giving you enough space to breath but also showing that you can jump into his arms whenever you need to, whenever you're ready to.

"That's the thing Tom, I don't know what's wrong," you started with a shaky intake of breath. "I just feel this pit in my stomach and sometimes it gets so overwhelming in my head about everything, about what I'm even doing with my life, if I'm doing enough, if I am enough. I'm overthinking about everything and I just feel so lost and angry for not knowing what's wrong with me. And I—I am so tired," you admitted, tears slipping down your cheeks as you ran your palm over your face in frustration.

To see your agitated state, to hear the hurt and frustration in your voice, added with your heavy words, it just broke Tom's heart to pieces. You didn't need to elaborate what you meant by 'being tired' because he understood, both physically, emotionally, but especially mentally. And Tom's frown could only deepen as you continued.

"And you can't do better Tom, you don't need to. You've already done so much for me. You've put up with my shit for so long. I've already put you through so much," you trailed off at the end of your sentence, bottom lip quivering as you stared at him with utter guilt.

The look of distress on his features was hurting you so much. You just want to see him happy, that's what he truly deserves. But now it seems like you're not giving him that anymore. Not giving him enough happiness, just nights of him being worried about you, stressed because of you.

"I feel like lately, all I've done is be a burden to my family, to everyone in my life, but even more to you."

Tom shook his head frantically as he took a few steps forward. "No, don't say that love," he whispered.

Once he reached a safe distance, he gently took your hand in his, touch soft, comforting. You let him hold you, eyes trained on the way your fingers intertwined but never looking up. You couldn't bear to hold his gaze, especially with the obvious sadness that swam in them.

"Darling, look at me," Tom coaxed, giving your hands a tender squeeze. With a deep intake of breath, you willed yourself to meet his eyes again. Those brown orbs bring you so much happiness, and to see them filled with everything but, to know that you're the sole reason why they're not coated with that lovely glow, it only makes you feel guiltier.

"You know that's not true Y/N," he said firmly, but you only shook your head at him with a soft whimper, his voice unable to break through the loud screams that filled your mind.

"Angel, you are not a burden to me. I'll always be here for you no matter what, remember? Didn't I promise you that, love?" Tom tried again, both hands going to cup your face as he gently wiped your tears away with his thumb. "When I said I wanted to be here for you, with all the joy and the chaos, all the demons we're made of, I meant that with every beat of my heart Y/N."

"But you deserve so much better Tom," you croaked, nimble fingers wrapping around his wrists, leaning into his warm touch with bottom lip jutted out as fresh tears dampened your cheeks once more.

"No, I don't," Tom objected. "You're all I want, all I ever need, please believe that, believe me Y/N," he whispered, forehead pressed up against yours as his eyes held nothing but truth.

Still, it wasn't enough to help subside the roaring demons in your mind. Not because Tom didn't hold any importance or his words any power, no, he's everything to you. But tonight they just happen to be a lot stronger, the loud and guttural voices. They were blocking anything that's trying to get through to you, blocking the only thing that always seemed to easily get through to you which was Tom.

"I just—I need to think. I-I need to be alone," you muttered under your breath. Although reluctant, Tom nodded, figured that if that was what you wanted, then he will give it to you.

"Okay," he sighed, placing a tender kiss on your forehead, the warmth of his lips on your skin making you close your eyes with a shaky breath. It was a sweet, rather mundane kiss, but it was one that lasted a few seconds longer than normal before he lets you go. Tom's grip around you slowly loosened, your heart growing heavier as you feel his touch gradually disappear.

You quickly turned on your heel with your head down, arms wrapped around your body to stop you from crumbling to the floor. Tom hesitantly stood still in his place, a certain feeling in his gut growing as he watched you walk towards the bathroom. As you were about to shut the door, his voice stopped you.

"Y/N?" he called out.

You turned around with a hum, meeting those brown orbs you've grown to adore with every inch of you. So many emotions were swimming in them, but only one struck you the most, even more so when he opened those lips to let it out into the air, loud, clear and sincere.

"I love you."

You gave him a small smile, trying your best to suppress your sobs as more tears ran down your cheek. And softly, you said,

"I love you too Tom, so much."

There was something about the way your voice trembled that made Tom feel even more uneasy, but he decided to let it go, thought that it was just him stressing over nothing at all.

The bathroom door slamming shut was what he heard next, a frustrated hand running through his hair as he stared at the white painted wood for a whole minute. With a sharp exhale of breath, Tom looked at it for a few seconds more.

Once he heard the running water on the sink, he made his way out of your shared bedroom, body slumped with deep frown still intact. His demeanor was quick to catch the attention of his brother who was sitting on the living room couch, the only other person in the house as of the moment.

"Is she okay?"

Tom could only flash Harry a sad, forced smile, not speaking any words as he went straight to the kitchen to get you some water and a bit of food. You haven't eaten anything yet and it was worrying him even more.

It wasn't long until Tom was back in the bedroom, setting the glass of water and the plate of your favorite sandwich on the nightstand.

The silence that filled the room was uncanny, nervousness coating the lad slowly as he stood completely still. Tom's eyes landed on the closed door of the bathroom, a lump forming in his throat as he found the negative thoughts that grew in his mind harder to ignore.

He took long strides towards the door, pressing an ear on the surface as he tried to listen to something, hoping to hear anything. Tom felt his heart quicken its pace as the silence screamed in his ear, brain quick to jump into horrible, dreadful conclusions.

"Darling? Are you okay in there?" he called, fingers twitching as his eyes landed on the metal knob.

No response...

"Darling?" Tom tried again, voice even louder, fear growing stronger as he grabbed the doorknob, chills running down his spine once the cold surface touched his skin.

Silence...

"Y/N, if you're not going to answer I'm kicking this fucking door down," Tom growled frantically, grip on the doorknob tightening as he tried to shake it open.

Nothing...

With an anxious breath, Tom walked away until he reached a safe distance, lifting a leg up and with all his might, kicked the door just by the keyhole, the wood snapping in its place as it swung open.

Tom ran inside but immediately froze, blood drained out of his whole body at the sight of you, heart coming to a halt for a full second as he shook his head in utter fear.

"No, no, no," he rushed, scrambling towards your limp, unconscious form on the white tiled floor, the bottle of painkillers right beside you, so close to empty. Tom was breathing rapidly as he pulled you onto his lap, vision turning blurry as he cleared the hair away from your face.

"Y/N! Wake up love, p-please wake up," Tom stammered, fingers shaking as he brought it up to your neck to the side of your windpipe, urgently feeling for your heartbeat. Cold sweats coated his entire body once he felt a faint one. It was there, but barely.

"No, don't—p-please don't leave me!" he cried out, head pounding as he shifted in his place, adrenaline at an all-time high as he hoisted you up in his arms. "Harry! Harry please!" Tom screamed after his brother as he rushed outside the bathroom and into the hallway, the lad in question rushing towards his brother's voice with sheer worry on his freckled face.

"What—"

"Start the car! Her breathing is getting slower," Tom choked on his words. The twin didn't waste any time as he bolted towards the kitchen island to grab the keys and went straight to the front door, held it open until Tom was out with you, alarmingly unmoving in his hold.

Once the car door was slammed shut with you and Tom in the backseat, Harry veered right out of the driveway and drove fast like your life depended on it, because it did.

Tom kept you close to his heaving chest, mumbling sweet but desperate nothings against your hair, silently praying as he tried his best to contain his shock.

The slower your heart beats, the faster Tom's heart raced, your body cold to the touch, his head spinning at the dreadful feeling. Tom felt so helpless just staring at your expressionless features, his clammy palms resting on your cheek as he kept talking to you.

"Hold on, I still want you angel, please hold on," he whispered over and over, hoping that you were able to hear him, hoping that the sound of his voice will stop you from fading into the light.

He was glad that the drive to the hospital was only five minutes away, but with you lying still, turning colder by the second in his arms, time seemed to go slower, agonizingly slower. There was no doubt that it was the longest, most painful five minutes Tom has ever endured in his life.

***

The bright hospital lights were blinding the moment Tom rushed inside with you in his arms, his voice hoarse as he screamed for help until the nurses came to your aid. They took you away on the table, your whole body lying motionless as they checked for your pulse. He didn't want to let you go, didn't want to let you out of his sight in fear that it would be the last time he'll see you with a bit of life left. But despite his protests, he was met by double doors slamming closed on his face.

Both of Tom's hands tugged at his hair in pure agitation, bottom lip caught between his teeth to try and suppress his sobs. He was pacing anxiously as his eyes kept steady on the door of the room where you disappeared into, lungs struggling to provide oxygen, unable to keep up with his raging heart.

He felt a hand grabbed at his shoulder, unable to see the person as they immediately pulled him in for a tight hug. But he didn't need to, he knew who it was, he knew what his brother's embrace felt like. Tom's whole body shook in Harry's hold as loud and broken sobs came out of him, arms wrapping around his brother for mere support, knowing that his legs are about to give out any second.

"I d-don't want to lose her, I can't lose her H-Harry, I—" Tom felt his throat start to close up, his grip around his younger brother turning vice-like as he gasped for air.

"Hey, hey Tom, breathe," Harry rushed, grabbing Tom's shoulders, pulling him away and holding him in arm's length. "You're alright, just breathe."

Tom shut his eyes tight and tried to regain his breathing, calming himself as best as he could. A whimper came out of him as he shook his head slowly, opening his eyes to meet Harry's with nothing but utmost fear and pain swimming in them.

"I c-can't imagine a world without her, I can't—"

"Then don't. You're not losing her Tom. She's going to be fine. She's a very strong girl. You, out of all people, know that," Harry reassured, giving his shoulder a squeeze for good measure.

"Fuck, this is all my fault. I shouldn't have left her alone. I knew something wasn't right before she even—I should've tried harder," Tom sobbed as he ran his shaking fingers through his hair, bottom lip quivering as he casted his eyes on the floor in shame.

"Tom you did the best that you could. No one could've seen this coming. Y/N wouldn't want you blaming yourself. You know it hurts her when you blame yourself," Harry said softly, rubbing his back comforting as he shot him a knowing look.

Tom rubbed the nape of his neck as he nodded with deep, strangled breaths. He pressed his lips into a tight line as he didn't say another word because Harry was right. You always get even more upset when you see him blame himself for something out of his control.

"You just sit here and wait alright? I'm going to get you some water."

He only shot Harry a small but thankful smile, the younger lad giving him one last hug before he disappeared down the opposite side of the hallway.

Tom cleared his mind and thought of nothing but you being safe. You are going to be safe, alive and well, because he wouldn't know what to do with himself if you weren't.

***

It was an hour and half later until the doctor came out. Tom scrambled on his feet as she asked about who was there for you. His nails were digging into his palms, creating crescent shapes on the skin as he held his breath, dreadfully waiting for her to speak.

"We've managed to pump all the drugs out of her system. She's stable now but still unconscious," the doctor said. Tom lets out a big puff of breath, his whole body relaxing as he felt the weight of the universe lift off his shoulders. Tom grabbed onto Harry for support once he almost lost his balance, just feeling relieved to hear that you were fine, still breathing.

"Is she going to be okay?" Harry asked when Tom can't seem to form any words, the older brother squeezing his shoulder as a way to silently say thank you.

The doctor nodded with a small smile. "We still need to keep a close eye on her until she makes a full recovery. There are still a few dangers that can occur given that she's consumed quite a handful."

Tom stood straighter as he cleared his throat, "Can I see her?"

"Right this way."

***

The sound of the soft beeps of the heart rate monitor oddly felt comforting to Tom as he entered the room. It was a mixture of relief but also hurt the moment his eyes landed on your sleeping form, hooked up to all these wires and tubes as you lay peacefully on the white bed.

He would've just stood still on his place, just staring with a deep from if Harry hadn't given him an encouraging tap on back. Tom flashed him a small smile before Harry closed the door, giving Tom some time alone with you for as long as he needed.

Slowly, he made his way over to your side, pulling up a chair beside the bed and letting out a shaky breath once he sat down. It was when he reached over to hold your hand did Tom start to bawl his eyes out, body shaking with full on sobs as he lifted your nimble fingers and pressed it on his damp, flushed cheek.

"You're okay. You're going to be okay love," he whimpered, not sure if he was saying those words to reassure you or himself. He turned his head to place a warm, tender kiss on your palm before he cupped your hand with both of his, his thumb sweetly stroking the back of it.

"It may sound selfish but you know I can't just let you go. I'm not that strong. Not as strong as you," Tom paused, giving your hand a squeeze, just waiting patiently for you to return it. "So, come on, darling, come back to me," Tom begged, a choked sob following after as his teardrops soaked the white sheets.

"I still need you. I will always need you," he continued, voice merely above a whisper as he tried his best to keep his breathing steady. "You're going to wake up and tell me to take you home, yeah?"

"We're going home," Tom breathed out with a small nod. "You're going to come back to me, and we're going home." Tom's voice broke at the end of his sentence, his head dropping low as he screwed his eyes shut, an overwhelming feeling rising in him that he couldn't stop the tears from falling continuously.

Tom just wants you to be back in his arms, wants you safe and warm in the comfort of your shared bed. He just wants to hear your hearty laugh echo in the kitchen as you make breakfast together. He wants to hear your scolding whenever he leaves dirty clothes on the floor, or the little arguments on whose turn it was to load the dishwasher.

Tom just wants to take you home.

Then once you do, once you come back home, he will take your hand and make things right, help make things better. And with all that he is, all that he has, with every beat of his heart, Tom will swear to love you all his life.

"Come home to me Y/N."

It was then Tom felt it, the light squeeze around his hand, his head shooting up as he looked at you expectantly. It was completely unmatched, the utter joy and relief that coated every inch of his bones. The sound was music to his ears, happiness filling him up to the brim once he heard your sweet, lovely voice.

"Tom?"

~~~

“Place your hand over your heart, can you feel it? That is called purpose. You’re alive for a reason so don’t ever give up.” – Unknown

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like, reblog & leave a comment if you liked it and tell me your thoughts <3

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[wallwriterstuff]

When You’re Lost, I’ll Leave My Gaslight On ||Yandere!Alec Volturi x Female Reader||

A request by @tiger-khans-blog Part 1: Obsession  Part 3: These Violent Delights 

Warnings: Yandere!Alec, obsessive behaviour, unhealthy relationships and implied non-con later on. This is possibly one of the darkest fics I have ever written so please be aware if controlling behaviour, gaslighting etc. is triggering to you, do not read this fic. 

The following link will take you to a Citizen’s Advice Page that have resources regarding Domestic abuse and violence. They detail various organisations offering support, refuge and advice for both women and men in abusive situations, however these only apply to the UK.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/gender-violence/domestic-violence-and-abuse-getting-help/

I am from the UK and therefore am not sure about what resources may be available internationally, however I know many of you are from places outwith the UK. If you have any resources you know of that would be useful or helpful to add here then please do! You can reblog this post with link in or message me a link to have me edit it into the original. I will post this link and any that get added in all three parts of this fic that I post.

Words: 4,436 

Summary:  Alec’s actions earned him some time in the dungeons of Volterra, and he really seems to be trying his best to behave himself the second time around. However, as your relationship with him blossoms, you find yourself growing more and more insecure, unsure if things are really as they seem to be. Your descent into madness seems much slower than Alice’s fall down the rabbit hole. 

Bella didn’t even write to you. Nor did Alice or Edward, or Emmet or Jasper. Only Carlisle had bothered to contact you, expressing his deepest regret you had gotten tangled up in all of this and his promise to speak to Aro on your behalf. Carlisle’s efforts had granted you your own quarters on the opposite side of the castle, smaller and far less grand than the ones you had woken up in but entirely yours to decorate how you pleased; at least, that was what Felix and Demetri had decided. The silence from back home was bad enough but on top of that you had to come to terms with the fact you were now forced to live with vampires who had little to no respect for human life, one of which had a mental gift she had loved to use on you as punishment for turning her brother against her as she put it.

To say you were depressed would have been an understatement.

It felt beyond impossible to consider feeling anything remotely positive when nothing seemed to go right for you. The secretaries who brought you food were the only interaction you had for the first few days and they were mostly too afraid to stick around and talk to you after hearing you were Alec’s mate. You had been utterly and entirely alone. Unbeknownst to you, this was a test, one you failed miserably, and after they hadn’t seen hide nor hair of you by day 4 of your stay with them Felix and Demetri had taken it upon themselves to visit you. They were quite patient, letting you stay as far from them as you wanted while they invaded what had become your safe space, those unblinking red eyes taking in the sparse walls and boring, plain wood desk and doors. It was then that Felix had spoken up about decorating and Demetri has enthusiastically agreed this was a wonderful idea.

Felix, it turned out, was quite the talented artist. Looking at the brute you’d never imagined he could hold a pencil without snapping it in half, but he had drawn up the most beautiful sketches you could imagine as you told them what your bedroom back home had looked like, and how you had wanted to decorate it with your father. They had let you cry again at that point and looking back on it it was rather amusing to watch the two immortals – who physically had lacked the ability to tear up for over a millennia now – share a panic stricken look and throw tissues at you. By the end of the week, they had come back to your room with everything they would need for their DIY project and helped you start painting your room. You had been a little overwhelmed at their kindness, but both had waved it off as nothing and whenever they got the chance over the next week, they had helped you decorate.

You had shared music tastes, let Demetri try to interest you in poetry (even if he had failed dramatically) and even sat to watch a movie with them once while you had lunch. Still, it didn’t feel like home, just an escape from an abysmal reality.

“You know, he will be freed tomorrow.” Felix said quietly. You were in the middle of stringing up some fairy lights around the canopy of your bed when the news rendered you immobile. You barely remembered to breathe until Demetri very gently touched your waist and helped you down from your bed before you fell.

“I don’t want him to be.” You whispered, eyes ducking away from theirs. Alec had been their friend for far longer after all and the confession was cruel. Demetri sighed slightly.

“We have visited him once or twice, spoken to him. He truly does feel awful about what happened.” He promised you. It was very obvious on your face you didn’t believe him, and even if you did you were certain Alec’s behaviour was not normal, it didn’t eradicate your fear to know he wished it never happened when it seemed like he had had no control over it in the first place. If he couldn’t control it, it could very well happen again. Felix watched you carefully as you sat back against the headboard, curling your knees to your chest.

“Why…why was he like that? Is it – I mean could he…will he be like that again?” you swallowed, mouth a little dry as your heart fluttered in your chest. You felt sick, suddenly no longer curious about whatever dinner the new secretary might bring. Gianna had stopped showing up two days ago and you didn’t need to ask to know why. They shared a side long look, Felix going back to putting together the bookshelf you had repainted with him. It was a bit of a pattern, that Demetri handled your more sensitive questions – Felix just didn’t have the tact or patience for them.

“You remember our discussion on the transformation process? How we are frozen at the stage of growth we are at when we turn?” he questioned, waiting for you to nod before continuing, “Alec was turned no older than you are now, just 16, you know yourself from growing up I’m sure what a volatile time that can be. It is not that Alec wishes to scare you, just that the violence of his feelings is something he will have to learn to control.”

“The violence of his feelings?” you asked warily. Demetri hummed, head tilting.

“We feel emotion far more intensely than you, little human. Our bodies are frozen but heightened, so that we might experience everything to the fullest extent and therefore miss out on nothing. Alec is essentially a teenager seeing the girl he has a rather potent crush on for the first time, the mate pull was both entirely unexpected and strong. He admitted himself he had no way of controlling his own actions but he has meditated and spoken to master Marcus for help since. He really does not wish to put you through that again.” Demetri assured you.

“You have to give the boy some reprieve, he wasn’t exactly having fun either. Alec prides himself on his self-control, your appearance tossed it right out of the window.” Felix pointed out. You hung your head, brows furrowed. It sounded an awful lot to you like they were defending the inexcusable behaviour. He’s just a boy, he couldn’t control it, it’s not his fault…well, it didn’t change the fact it had hurt you. It had traumatised you really, so much so that even when you replayed Demetri’s words in your head in an effort to help calm yourself you still found no sleep that night knowing Alec would be at your door tomorrow.

Except he wasn’t.

He didn’t come the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that, and you hated that you were beginning to wonder if he was ever coming at all. Was this a new, peculiar kind of torture? Making you wait for him? Every knock at the door made you jump the first day or two but after that you slowly began to unwind, your heavy heart coming to the conclusion he maybe wasn’t coming back, that he felt it better to stay away from you. You almost passed out when he finally did show up at your door, standing behind Demetri as still as stone and looking jut as perfect as any sculpture could. It really wasn’t fair the boy was so pretty. Demetri gave you a warm smile.

“Good evening Y/N, do you mind if we come in little human?” he asked. You hesitated. Did you want Alec in your safe space? Your room was your sanctuary, decorated how you liked with no trace of Alec inside it as of yet. He seemed to notice your hesitation and you were surprised to see just how much anguish it brought him.

“If you prefer, we could take a walk around the Gardens? Demetri says you haven’t left your room much.” Alec said. His voice was softer now, no longer did it have the rough edge to it it had held in the throne room. You swallowed thickly, slowly nodding your head, and moved to get your shoes from by the door. Alec inhaled sharply as the shirt you were wearing rode up slightly. His arms had left to sizable bruises on your torso and he had obviously seen them. You weren’t expecting him to look so torn up about it. Demetri glanced between you both, his eyes knowing.

“I would suggest a jumper, the evenings can be somewhat chillier.” He advised. You nodded, crossing to your closet. Once you were ready, you shut the door firmly behind you and stuck close to Demetri’s side, much to Alec’s obvious ire, but the boy kept himself in check with remarkable discipline that gave you hope he could maybe be better.

“How are you?” he asked, his voice strained. Your hair fell, covering your eyes until you pushed it back with a quick nod.

“I’m okay. How are you?” the small talk was entirely forced and thoroughly unpleasant, but Demetri stood firm between you two, absorbing it all. You were more than a little grateful.

“I have…been better,” Alec confessed, “Demetri explained the…difficulty, I’m having in being around you?” he asked. The strain in his voice was growing more obvious again now but one look from Demetri forced him to settle as you shuddered, memory flashing to the violent grip his arms had on you. If he noticed your hand subconsciously go to your bruised flesh, he didn’t comment on it.

“He told me you couldn’t control your feelings.” You said quietly. Alec huffed, eyes flashing with irritation.

“It’s as upsetting to me as it is to you, to think a mere human would make me so…so…” he trailed off, trying to choose the right word. You prompted him, curious to see what he would choose. “Obsessed.” He settled for the word with such a flat tone you couldn’t help but wrap your arms around yourself, mind reeling. It wasn’t a good word. It wasn’t your preferred word. Carlisle and Esme had been mates, hadn’t they? Rosalie and Emmett? Alice and Jasper? They had proven to you if nothing else that mates should be loving, kind. It was a relationship based on mutual attraction and desire, caring, not one person’s obsession with another. It was an unhealthy word.

“Why don’t you tell Alec of our trip to the market the other week?” Demetri hedged. He was clearly acting as chaperone today as you headed out into the fading sunlight. The Gardens of Castello Volterra were magnificent, kept tidy and neat and bursting with colour. A massive expanse of green dotted with vibrant hues of flowerbeds and glorious leafy sculptures in shapes you could recognise. Horses, chess pieces. Your answers were short, quiet, and Alec seemed to have moments he was incredibly open and vulnerable before he became a little more robotic, his control slipping when he found his emotions getting the best of him again. The amount of effort he put into his composure really astounded you, and by the time you were half-way around the Walled Garden you were actually starting to feel a little bit bad. Clearly your presence really did make him suffer.

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” He admitted finally, fists clenched at his sides. With a sharp exhale, Alec turned to you, ruby red eyes darkening as soon as they made contact with your own Y/E/C.

“Alec-“

“Y/N, I have tortured myself over the way I behaved towards you. I am truly sorry I ever laid a hand on you. I hope that as I work on controlling myself around you, you work on being able to forgive me for that.” Alec cut Demetri off, his body rigid with tension and eyes flickering to the very slight gap left between you and the tracker as you moved closer out of instinct to the person you trusted most out of the two of them. His nostrils flared, seemingly annoyed by it.

“I…can try. But you need to promise me Alec, promise me you won’t hurt me like that ever again.” You said. Truthfully you were intrigued by him. Demetri had told you you would also feel the mate pull eventually, though not as strongly as Alec did, and your curiosity to know more about the witch twin was the start of a very deep dark hole you were about to fall into. The air turned almost ominous, like that strange moment between hearing thunder and waiting to see if there would be lightning.

“I won’t make you promises I can’t keep.” Alec’s voice was all that was left of him, as he was gone by the time you blinked again. Demetri sighed slightly, though he tried to perk up his expression when he realised you were looking helplessly to him for answers.

“Well, that went rather well, do you not agree?” he asked. What had Alec meant? He had done so well today. Clearly he was getting the hang of controlling his emotions, he could be less of a threat. You had rather liked the sweeter side of Alec you had glimpsed today, the side that told you about how Jane had planted the peonies and had chased Felix quite literally out of the city when he accidentally trampled on them once, just to hear you laugh. You liked the side of Alec that had quietly complimented the way your hair reflected the dying light while you stood and admired another topiary.

A month passed this way before you finally felt comfortable enough to be around Alec on your own. He had really tried hard to become a better man for you and it showed. His smiles were more natural and he found it easier to relax in your presence, no more uptight Alec that left you wandering when he would snap. Felix and Demetri had continued to chaperone your dates for all that time until you finally asked one night if you might be allowed to be with Alec on your own for a little bit. Demetri had enthusiastically agreed, both Guards seemingly happy you were finally letting their friend have his chance. Alec seemed to sense your nerves when you appeared in the library, where you’d both agreed to meet for an hour to two to test the waters. He was more relaxed than you’d ever seen him, leaning back against the sofa with his eyes closed while he listened to some far-off birdsong you couldn’t hear, or so you imagined.

“I wasn’t sure you would come.” He admitted. You smiled slightly, pulling your sketchbook from your bag as you sat on the opposite sofa to him.

“I said I would,” You reminded him. Alec smiled slightly, head bobbing in agreement. “What are you reading?” you asked. Alec glanced to the book beside him.

“The Picture of Dorian Gray, though I confess myself bored of it. Wilde has never been my preferred author.” Alec answered, sitting up and eyeing your sketchbook with interest. You didn’t notice, too busy flipping through your pages to find the sketch you were working on now. The lines were already drawn, you had just wanted to finish your shading today.

“How is Jane?” you asked. You wanted to chase away the silence and figured it would be a nice way to maybe broach the topic that she had avoided you like the plague. Alec didn’t answer you and when you looked up to see why you saw his eyes fixated on your sketch, nothing but awe painting his face. You flushed a deep shade of red.

“Beautiful and talented, little human.” He breathed. You were fairly sure you weren’t supposed to hear, but it only made your blush darken. It was nothing worthy of a spot in the Louvre, just a sketch of the view from the fountain in the plaza looking down one of Volterra’s many alleyways. You tucked some hair behind your ear with a small smile.

“Thank you,” you said softly, “I started it the other day, when Demetri took me to that café I told you about? Where they do those really nice pastries?” As if a switch had been flipped Alec’s face shut off, all expression wiped away and an impassive mask replacing it. It had happened so fast you were unsure anything other than apathy had ever painted his face in the first place.

“Demetri takes you out often.” He noted. There was nothing his tone or his face to give away his feelings about that, but a strong sense of foreboding settled in your gut. You shut your sketchbook, knowing deep in your chest that the damage was already done. The atmosphere in the room had changed drastically, becoming charged and electric, like it was filled with current just waiting to frazzle and consume you whole.

“Yeah…it’s nice to get out of the castle, and it’s not like I’m a prison so why shouldn’t I see the city I’ve got to live in now?” you rambled ever so slightly, voice wavering a bit, but Alec’s expression changed so quickly you were sure he was trying to give you whiplash. With a laugh he nodded his head.

“Of course.” He made no further comment and you descended into silence again until it was time to leave, your sketchbook long abandoned and your eyes fixed on him, waiting for his mood to shift again. He was perfectly respectable in every other way however, his silence easy to brush off as nothing when he kissed your knuckles chivalrously after walking you back to your room. He still hadn’t set foot in it yet despite his obvious intrigue, waiting for you to invite him in personally. When the door closed behind you, you released a breath you didn’t know you had been holding. The whole evening had gone far better than expected even with the few minor road bumps. In fact, Alec’s mood seemed to do an entire 180 compared to how he had been when you first met. He was pleasant, charming even. That was where the problem started.

One night, he bought you flowers and a pastry from your favourite café, remembering the exact kind you liked and bringing it to your door so you could enjoy a walk with him in the Gardens once more, watching the stars come out. You’d passed Felix in the corridor and waved but the giant had hurried by as though he hadn’t seen you. A few days after that Alec had promised to take you out to the markets, but the weather had been too bright for him apparently even though you had argued it was overcast enough that the chances of him exposing himself were slim to none. He had come to your room with new sketching pencils that night, an apology gift to make it up to you, he said.

It had become a theme though, you noticed. Alec would promise to take you somewhere, and then he would find one way or another to weasel his way out of taking you out.

“I never promised you anything, I said we might, your imaging things.” He would dismiss it the same way every time and always follow up with a nice gesture that made you feel bad for questioning him on it. He really did feel guilty about you not getting to go out, didn’t he? It wasn’t just that though either, it was Demetri and Felix’s absence in your life that had grown concerning. You were conscious you hadn’t seen your friends for quite some time, Alec always claiming they were busy with guard duty or some other task, yet when you caught Demetri in the corridor once he had brushed you off with the enough regret in his eyes that it made you question Alec’s entire story.

“But they always found time to at least say hello to me before, so why-“

“Y/N, my love I don’t wish to upset you, but do you really think they were ever your friends?” Alec asked. You blinked, frowning in confusion.

“Of course they’re my friends! We decorated my room together and they helped us get to know each other. I just don’t get why they aren’t around anymore.” You huffed. Alec ran his hand down your arm gently, your skin tingling at the ice-cold contact. He had slowly started to incorporate physical affection into your relationship, and you would be lying if you said you weren’t thrilled with the little touches. It was a far cry from the rough embrace he had given you nearly two months ago.

“They were fulfilling a duty tesoro, you required a room and at the Masters request they built you one, and do you really think one little human can go unguarded in this place? They were your sentries, not your friends.” His expression was so sympathetic you wondered how you couldn’t not believe him, and he’d held you to him as you cried over their obvious betrayal. As weeks dragged into another month though your anxiety only grew, and it didn’t make sense. Things between you and Alec were really good. He had much more control now and he was affectionate and sweet, always giving you little gifts and making time in his day to see you even if no one else would, but something was just…wrong. You were sure you were going mad.

You wrote home frequently to the Cullen’s so they could pass letters on to Bella, but those letters sometimes went missing and despite being sure you wrote them, Alec assured you you hadn’t and he had never seen them materialise. As sweet as he was Alec always put down your clumsy little accidents to you being human to, laughing when you tripped into his arms or holding his breath as he cleaned up scrapes for you with that dreaded little saying of his.

“You’re only human Y/N.” he chuckled, as he carefully placed a band aid around the finger you had accidentally cut while cooking yourself dinner. You sighed dejectedly.

“I wish you’d stop saying that.” You admitted. It felt like you weren’t good enough. Your human needs were a bother to him, that much was clear. He always had to take time to make sure you had something to eat when he really just wanted to spend his free hours with you. Most of the time when he was free you were asleep and you could only imagine how boring it must be for him to have to spend so much time alone when you were across the castle, sleeping peacefully. Bathroom breaks were another thing that gave you almost nauseating anxiety now to, and you’d scrubbed your body pink on multiple occasions wondering if your personal hygiene was assaulting his nose or not after a day or two without showering.

You needed to clear your head, you decided, so a trip to your café was in order. Alec wouldn’t be able to take you you knew, not with the sun as bright as it was right then. It would fade quickly given the late time of year but you left a note just in case Alec wondered across your empty room. It felt good, to get fresh air and to sit in a window seat, watching the world go by without a care as sweet pastry melted in your mouth. You had brought a book with you to enjoy to, a fantasy world to escape to for a little bit before your old anxieties came crawling back in. Though your relationship with Alec was as yet undefined, you felt like you were to blame for that due to your inferior status. After all, what could you possible bring to a relationship with him that would make him want to call you his mate? You were only human after all.

“Now what are you doing here little human?” Demetri’s voice startled you so much you dropped your book to the tabletop with a gasp. Heart fluttering, you couldn’t help but laugh breathless, if only to ease the tension.

“Demetri, god you scared the hell out of me.” You swallowed, not liking the way he was frowning at you.

“Well you can consider us even then.” He said, arms folding across his chest. You felt a lot like you were a child being scolded in that moment.

“What?” you asked.

“You heard me. You cannot just leave the castle Y/N, not without telling someone or at least leaving a note. There was an uproar when Alec found you gone, we thought something had happened to you.” He chided. Your frown deepened.

“But I did leave a note, I taped it to my door so Alec would see.” You protested. Demetri’s eyebrows rose.

“Not according to Alec. He found no note and I did not see anything resembling one when I came to your room to see what the fuss was about. Come on, you have had your fun. A harmless misunderstanding it may be but you will be in for a scolding from the Masters.” he sighed, holding a hand to help you out of your chair. Your stomach twisted. You were going to have to see the Masters because you’d gone out for coffee? How had Alec missed your note? You were sure you had left it on the door for him! You remembered the schluuuuck sound of sticky tape and everything as you taped it up!

“But Demetri, I swear I left a note.” You said, packing away your things as your good mood crumbled. Demetri was quiet for a moment.

“Perhaps you did and it was overlooked, either way you have scared us all enough for one day.” He took your bag from you like the gentleman he was, escorting you back to the castle. You were so sure you had left that note for Alec, as sure as you were about your own name, but what if you hadn’t? You resolved to steel your nerves for now, take your scolding and ensure you left one next time. Hell, next time you would even tell the secretary to go and tell Alec in the throne room just to be safe. You weren’t going to worry your mate like this again, it wasn’t going to become a pattern.

How wrong you were.

[cassava-49]

I Will Be There

Felix was staring at the starry night sky of Sussex and sighed. How he wished he could gaze at this scenery with her. He could recall her innocent excited gaze at the stars. He could recall all, her telling him how little she saw of them in the city. He remembered the time he taught her how to speak English since she only understood few. He then gazed upon the moon knowing that she will be looking at it as well.

Marinette gazed above the night sky of Paris hoping to catch a star. She sighed knowing that she wouldn't be able to see any stars since the city's too bright. "There were more stars back then," she mumbled to herself. "What do you mean Marinette?" Tikki asked her holder. "Nothing Tikki. Just reminiscing, and hoping," she whispered the latter.

She then turned her gaze towards the couples in the park happily chatting with each other, holding each others' hand and staring into each other eyes. She would call herself a sucker for love since she always has been. She then turned her gaze towards the moon hoping that he would be looking towards it as well, thinking of her. "How selfish of me," she said as she hung her head and looked towards her feet. She then heard a tussle from her plants. She raised an eyebrow and made her way towards it, then she found a black cat with grey eyes trying to move around. "It's a blind cat," Tikki said as she hovered the face of the cat. "It seems like it. Hello there kitty," Marinette said as she held her hand over its nose for it to smell. The cat then instinctively brushed it's face on her hands and let out a soft purr.

"It seems like there's a new cat in town," Chat Noir says coming from behind her. "Good evening Chat Noir. What brings you here?" she asked. "Nothing really. I was waiting for Ladybug to show up for patrol. But she hasn't arrived yet, she's probably late," he casually said. Marinette then mentally slapped herself forgetting about patrol. "So even Ladybug is tardy," she said making sure like she sounded like a civilian. "Yeah, who can blame her, we're just human, we're prone to bad habits as well," he says with a chuckle as he sat on the balcony railing. Marinette then made her way towards him with the black cat following behind. "What about you? Any bad habits that the citizens don't know about?" she asked in a teasing manner. "Well since you asked, I'm actually the jealous type," he replied casually as Marinette picked up the persistent kitty. She then heard a growl erupt from the black cladded hero. "Now I see the jealous side," she said in a teasing manner when she saw Chat glaring at the blind cat. "OK. I believe it's time for you to continue patrol," she said hoping to get him to leave so that she could join him. "OK, Purrincess I'll get going now. Bye," he said as he took out his baton to continue patrol. Once he was in a far enough distance Ladybug sprung out of her room.

Back in Sussex Felix's gaze never left the moon hoping that she's doing the same. "Felix," came a quite voice. "I'm coming," he replied as he got up from his chair and went over to the person at the door. He opened the door to find Bridgette, a little girl at age five, in her nightgown clutching her ladybug pillow. "I can't sleep," she says with a yawn. "Alright come on let's tuck you into bed," he said as he took her hand and guided to her back to her room, knowing that she only wants a story. He watched her climb onto her bed. Unlike the other orphanages, this one has enough money to allow children their own room and private education. Once she was tucked in, he sat at the end of her bed. "So, what story would you want?" he asked. He watched her eyes light up and replied, "The treetops." He chuckled and began, "It was a pleasant afternoon when a little boy from this orphanage decided to wander through town."

...

It was a pleasant afternoon when a little boy from this orphanage decided to wander through town. He used the old trick of the blankets as a ladder. He made his way towards the gate and ran towards his favourite Oak tree. Once there he climbed the branches and reached the topmost part of the tree and smiled at his accomplishment. After what seemed like 10 minutes the young boy climbed down but as he descended he missed a step and fell on a little girl. He looked to his right to find two glaring bluebell eyes directed to him. She began wailing in French, "Why did you fall on me? I was just drawing and you stepped on me." "Je suis desole," he replied. "T-tu parles français?" she asked (Do you speak French?). "Oui, je parle anglais et français," he replied (Yes, I speak English and French).

They then continued their conversation in French as she asked, "Why did you fall on me anyway?" He then sat down next to her and replied, "I fell down, simple as that. Your not from here aren't you?" The girl nodded and answered, "I'm from Paris, France. How do you know how to speak French?" He shrugged and told her, "Mother Superior taught me. She's a nun." The little girl raised an eyebrow, catching her reaction he replied, "I'm an orphan. I live in the orphanage over there." He then pointed towards a large house that could be seen from their place. "I'm sorry," the girl said. "Don't be, my parents weren't," he calmly said. The little girl was taken aback by his reply and said, "I'm Marinette Dupain-Cheng and I would love to be your friend." He smiled and responded, "I'm Felix Culpa. It's a pleasure to meet you Milady."

...

"Felix?" Bridgette asked as she slowly began to fall asleep. He hummed in response. "Once we go to Paris tomorrow, are we going to see her. Marinette?" she asked in a hopeful tone. He kissed her forehead and answered, "Of course luv, of course."

...

The François Dupont College was busily preparing their school for the arrival of orphans from different cities in France and some from the UK for a charity program and a meet up with Ladybug and Chat Noir. In Ms. Bustier's class the energy of the students were radiating as the class president, Marinette, began giving instructions for the final touches on the stage. "Just a little bit more to the left Nathanael," she said as the red head hung the banner. "Marinette where are the microphones?" Aurore asked. "They're in the storage room, I think," she replied. She then looked at the time on her phone and went over to Alya. "Where are they?" she asked referring to her parents. "They're coming now, see," Alya replied. There they saw the boys carrying dozens of boxes and her father was push a cart with the cake, with the help of Ivan. "A little help would be appreciated," Nino claimed as he reached the top of the stairs. "I've got it," Alya replied as she called the others for help. Some took the boxes out off their hands and followed Sabine to put it on the tables. While the others helped Tom and Ivan carry to cake upstairs.

After an hour they finished just in time to see some of the orphans arriving. "Well that's my cue," Marinette whispered as she gave her excuse to Alya saying that she's having a stomach problem. She went to a secluded area to transform to greet the new arrivals. "Mr. Damocles," she says as she walked into the school. All eyes turned to her while the orphans ran excitedly to meet her.

"Ladybug," Principal Damocles greeted. "I thought you were arriving a little later." She giggled and replied as she picked up one of the ogling orphans, "Well as I was swinging by I saw them and thought that it wasn't so bad to come a little early." They then they heard an additional voice, "I have to agree with you Bugaboo. I can't miss this for the world," Chat Noir joined. "Hey there kitty," she greeted as the two then began interacting with the children. The children were lively as ever and excitedly asked them questions. "Have you two kissed yet?" a little girl asked excitedly. "We haven't," she replied. "Well, not properly is what you mean don't you Milady," he added to which she rolled her eyes at. This earned a few excited squeals from the children as more of them began to gather. They then heard an excited voice, but what the girl said made Ladybug turn her heard. "Felix, Felix, I see Ladybug, hurry up," a little girl with dark blue hair tied in twin tails came bounding with a well groomed blond hot on her heels. Marinette felt like crying because of what she saw, but as Ladybug she put on her best smiled and made her way to the bubbling girl.

"Hi there, what's your name?" she asked. The girl then answered in English, "I'm Bridgette." She smiled and crouched down to her level and says in English, "It's nice to meet you Bridgette. Would you like to join me with the others and Chat Noir?" She nodded excitedly and began running towards Chat who equally greeted the girl with the same enthusiasm. "I apologize for that Ms. Ladybug. She had always been excited to meet you," Felix apologized. She smiled and answered, "It's no trouble at all and I'm already used to it. So you speak French?" He nodded and went to sit on one of the chairs and pulled out a book. She smiled recalling the times when she would draw and he would read. As she was about to return to the group, Hawkmoth decided to release an akuma. "That's our cue Chat. It's time to go to work," she called as she took out her yo-yo. "Right behind you LB," he replied as he set the children down and spun his baton and they went to work.

The students quickly closed the doors just in case any of the children escaped. They began the program knowing that the attack wouldn't affect them since it was at the other side of town. Felix then looked up to find the Dupain-Chengs looking at him with huge smiles and surprised expressions. He sighed and got up knowing that if he didn't approach them now they would. "Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Dupain-Cheng," he greeted. "Felix, is it really you sweetie?" Sabine asked as she went closer to him. "Yes, ma'am, it's me," he replied. Without a second to waste he was enveloped in the bear hug of theirs. "Well my boy, it seems like you've grown well," Tom said as he released him. He smiled and shyly asked, "D-do you know where Marinette is?" The two adults smiled and called for Rose. "Rose do you know where Marinette is?" She simply replied, "Alya says that she has stomach cramps." They then thanked her and told him to just wait.

Once the battle was over both heroes went back to school, entering in different places and skipped back in. "Wow Marinette, the children were so cute," Tikki says as she ate. "They really are, aren't they?" she replied. "So was that boy Felix," she teased. Marinette then playfully rolled her eyes at her. Once done, they went out with one goal in mind. She entered the celebration to find Kitty Section playing. She waved at them and found her target. She began to run to him and tackled him to the ground while laughing, without earning any unnecessary attention. She then earned a growl from him as he said, "Bloody hell Marinette. Is this your idea of a greeting?" She giggled as tears began streaming down her face. He stopped his protests and sat upright and held her in his arms as she began crying into his shoulder. "I missed you," she managed to say. He kissed the top of her head and began cradling her. "Sh, sh, I missed you too. So, so much," he replied.

What made then separate was a sound of a camera. They turned their heads to find Alya snapping a photo of the them. "Getting comfy with one of the guests aren't we Mari," she joked. "Alya!" she squealed, not really getting out of his arms. Felix chuckled and stood up while helping Marinette and introduced himself, "Felix Culpa, it's a pleasure to meet you Miss." Alya smiled and shook his hand saying, "Alya, Alya Césaire." Marinette smiled, loving the fact that her best friend and childhood friend were getting along. "Hey Mari," Nino greeted as he joined the group with Adrien. "Felix, this is Nino," she introduced the two add they shook hands. "I'm Adrien" Adrien introduced himself as he gripped Felix's hand tightly. "Pleasure," he replied, returning the grip.

"So Mari," Adrien began. "How did you meet him?" he asked, trying to hide his jealousy. "W-well, we, er, I, I mean he," Marinette fumbled but stopped when she felt a hand hold hers. She looked up to meet Felix's eyes and began to calm down, collecting herself. "What she meant to say," Felix answered for her as he looked directly into Adrien's eyes. "We met each other when we were seven at Sussex. I accidentally fell on her," he said as he earned a giggle from the girl beside him. "Maman, Papa, can I take Felix around Paris today?" she asked her parents. "Of course. Just make sure she comes back without any trouble," Tom teased, recalling the times when they would come back dripping wet or are covered in mud or when the police had to bring them back after getting trapped inside an old barn. "Yes, sir. It's not going to happen again," Felix replied. "Sorry, Alya. But can you take care of everything for today. I would really want to spend time with him," she apologized feeling guilty. "No worries girl. Although after this I'm gonna demand an explanation later," she said with a wink. "Thanks Alya, you're the best," she called as she began dragging Felix out. Unbeknownst to her the two blonds were having a stare down while they were talking. "So what was all that about?" Nino asked Adrien. "What do you mean?" he asked trying to seem clueless. "Oh come on. We're not blind, you're jealous aren't you?" Alya said. "I-I don't know what you're talking about," he defended as a light blush coated his cheeks.

...

Felix and Marinette were walking around town as the two were happily chatting with each other. "That boy earlier, Adrien," Felix said. "What about him?" Marinette asked trying to fight the blush that crept on her cheeks. "You like him don't you," he says bluntly as he looked at her. "Me like him? No! Never! W-what made you think so?" she defended. "It was obvious," he simply said. "W-why not we go to the Louvre?" she offered as they stopped at the bus stop. He nodded and followed her in the bus. Unknown to the two, three sneaky shadows were following them as they entered the bus. The other two looked at their companion who seemed to be blushing hard at what they heard. He looked down to the ground and asked, "I-i-is it true?" The other two nodded not expecting it to go that way. They then waited at the stop for the next bus and got on it to continue following their friend. At the Louvre the two were merrily talking about art and their life. "By the way, there's this little girl, her name's Bridgette and she would really want to meet you," he said. She felt flattered at the thought that the little girl she had just met would have wanted to meet her as well. "But I thought she wanted to meet Ladybug?" she asked but regretted it knowing that she made a mistake. "You met her already?" he asked suspiciously. "No, it's just that everyone there just wanted to meet the superheroes," she reasoned. He hummed in response, not exactly buying her excuse. "Your friends," he whispered as he got closer to her as they were walking through the grand gallery. "They're following us," he said quietly enough for her to hear. She then looked at a group who were taking selfies and saw in their camera were definitely Alya, Nino and Adrien. She giggled and took his hand. This surprised him but saw the playful glint in her eyes. He smirked back at her as she gently clung to him.

Adrien gritted his teeth when he saw their entwined hands. "Wow, never knew Mari had a British boyfriend before," Nino said. "Did she mention him to you before?" he asked. Alya only shook her head no. She then turned her gaze to Adrien, "No need to get hyped sunshine. They're just close friends." She then have a light pat on his shoulder. Well, I never took him as the jealous type, Alya says to herself all too happy about the situation. Nino them went over to her girlfriend and whispered, "You know, I'm kind of glad that Felix came, or else he would still be an oblivious dork." Alya then nodded her head on agreement as the continued to stalk the two.

"Come on Felix. It's just ice-cream," Marinette said as she saw Andre's ice-cream cart. He sighed and replied, "For the last time I'm not going to eat any of ice-cream. You know how much I do not like cold food." But despite his protests she dragged him towards the cart. There they were greeted with an overjoyed Andre who seemed to notice their entwined hands. "Peach pink as his lips, mint green as his eyes. This boy seems to fit your love, however there is something lacking," he said. "Oh well, at least you have found him," he casually said as Marinette blushed. He then leaned towards Marinette and asked, "What does he mean?" She giggled and replied, "Actually André can find your lover and you and your lover's ice-cream flavour." He raised his eyebrow and sighed, "Is that why you dragged me here?" She nodded happily as André began thinking of their flavours. "Perfect! Strawberry and peach will blend perfectly for you two. It's a match of childhood sweethearts and it will absolutely do," he said as he began scooping some ice-cream. He then gave it to the couple, who delightfully took it and found a bench to sit on to eat. The two merrily are their ice-cream exchanging jokes every now and then. Felix then took Mari's spoon and took a scoop of ice cream and fed it to her. She smiled affectionately and returned the action. The two then began laughing at their ploy.

In the bushes an enraged Adrien watched them share Andre's lovers' ice-cream together and began feeding each other. It made something inside him boil. It was like the feeling he felt when Ladybug was with Théo after they de-akumatized him. He then sprang to his feet and ignored his friends insistent cries and sat next to Mari as she and Felix finished the ice-cream. Once she turned she felt her face burn to find Adrien sitting next to her. "A-a-ad-adrien!" she squealed. "W-what do you doing here? I mean, what you here doing. I-I mean-," she stammered. Felix glared at the other blond and held her by her waist pulling her closer to him. "What are you doing here?" he asked. Adrien then glared back at him and replied, "I was just passing by and I thought that it wouldn't be bad if I were to stop by and say hi to Mari."

"Passed by or followed?" he taunted. This made the green eyed boy to glare more and asked, "Does it matter?" Felix then tilted his head in a menacing manner and answered, "Of course. I just couldn't help but feel that you're her to ruin our date." He then added a taunting smirk at the end and watched it fuel the boy. "Well I guess it gives me a right to put a stop to it," Adrien raised his voice as he slid his arm around Marinette's waist causing her to blush more.

"I'M!" gripped her side.

"HER!" he pulled her close.

3

2

1

"BEST FRIEND!"

...

...

...

At the back they could hear Nino and Alya facepalm hard. Felix then blinked at him for a few minutes then burst into a fit of laughter at what he said, leaving an overly confused Adrien. Marinette slumped at what he said. She then removed herself from his grasp, surprising the four, making Felix stop laughing. She stood up and dragged him off with her. She then left a dumbfounded Adrien, contemplating at what he said wrong. He watched the two walk away as, the blond put his arm over her shoulder, putting up a defensive aura.

Once out of sight, she fell to the ground crying. Felix followed suit, wrapping his arms around her shaking body. He didn't say anything, but picked her up she propped them in a nearby bench. He allowed her to cry in his shoulder and use him to middle any sound. He cradled her shaking body and rocked them, like he had done in their youth. After a while she finally spoke through her tears, "I-I-I love h-hi-h-him." He then held her closer saying, "I know, I know." The two continued to stay like that for about a good fifteen minutes. Marinette's sobs subsided, but remained mobile in his arms relishing his arm hugs. "Do you want to go home?" he finally asked. She looked up to him with sad eyes and replied, "Not yet." They stayed there for two minutes until she says, while remaining in his embrace, "We have to go, the others would be missing you." He smiled and helped then up, as they took the bus back to François Dupont College.