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seung-hwa · 3 years

Text

a shattered mug

Word Count: 20.6k

Warning: fluff, slight angst, mild violence (just a slap), some yelling, a bit of a love triangle, kissing, no smut but the make out sessions get the slightest bit intense but not too bad, (let me know if I’ve missed anything but I’m pretty sure that’s it).

Pairing: Seungmin x reader, one sided love between Hyunjin x reader

Summary: You’ve been in love with Seungmin since your freshman year of high school. You thought that going to college would finally dissipate the feelings. Only problem is that he attends the same university that you do, oh and he’s also your roommate.

A/N: welcome to my first ever SKZ fic, I’m very nervous about it but I figured that it was time for me to post this thing for Seungmin’s bday. Let me know what y’all think and I hope y’all like it! Enjoy~ Oh and you can find my other work here

You figured that you had possibly the worst absolute luck known to man. To be right where you were now, staring into the eyes of the boy you had been in love with for the last four years of high school and yet somehow, some way had ended up in the same university, in the same apartment, and in the same room as each other. You could have almost fooled yourself over the last year in college, telling yourself you were over him and that it was just a silly little crush. You saw him from time to time walking on campus, sometimes alone but most times with his friends, laughing along with a smile so bright it could illuminate a stadium. Did he know you were in love with him? Definitely not. You were doubtful he even knew of your existence. There was also the simple fact that Kim Seungmin wasn’t particularly the type of person to ever really pay attention to the romantic feelings of others. He’d been a sought out boy back in high school and you were sure that was especially amplified now, yet you had never seen him walking the campus with a girl in tow. Maybe that simple fact is what had kept you holding onto your crush for him, maybe the idea of him being available yet so unattainable was the draw. Maybe you hated yourself a little bit for holding onto a crush for five full years and never once speaking to said crush. How ridiculous was that? You felt ridiculous. It was like God Himself decided it was time for you to face your biggest fear. Now here he was, standing right in front of you, as your new roommate.

How you ended up in this situation was a mystery, you never thought that you’d be rooming with a boy you were desperately in love with, in fact you had done everything in your power to ensure you never actually crossed paths with him. In high school if you were in the same class you’d hide in the back of the room and now in college you steered clear of him on campus, if he was heading in your direction you’d turn right back around and find another way to your destination. Avoidance was the name of the game and you had become a pro at it.

Time felt like it stopped when he looked at you, the kindest smile on his face and the softest eyes gazing at you. You almost couldn’t breathe, definitely couldn’t speak and felt like the whole world was crashing at your feet. He opened his mouth to introduce himself but was very quickly interrupted by the front door bursting open.

“Seungmin! Y/N! I was hoping to introduce you two but it looks like you guys got a head start”

Hwang Hyunjin, your best friend, had miraculously just saved your ass. And you were so overwhelmingly grateful until you remembered, Hyunjin was the one who sought out the roommates you two would be living with this year. He told you not to worry about the process of selecting a couple of people who would be a good fit for the both of you. You had completely trusted in his judgement, fully relieved at not having to do the job yourself. You were more introverted, how you became friends with Hyunjin was something you didn’t even understand, he just sat next to you in class on the first day of university and suddenly you were best friends. He looked past your initial awkwardness and became someone you could trust with everything and anything. Maybe in another life you could’ve fallen in love with him, it would’ve been so easy. It could’ve been so easy. But you couldn’t, and told him as much when he kissed you after one drunken night.

Nothing changed, he understood and never questioned why, now you wish you could’ve told him the reasoning behind the rejection. Your feelings for Seungmin was the one secret you kept to yourself, the shame of it all being too much to say out loud. In fact, you were sure you had never actually admitted out loud to yourself how head over heels in love with him you truly were. Maybe if you did then you could get over him, but maybe if you did then it would simply solidify what you knew all along. He was the one, and you couldn’t even have him.

Now you were truly at a loss, you didn’t know what to do or where to go from here, all you knew was that you had to tell Hyunjin as soon as humanly possible, and hopefully he could find a solution to your problem that didn’t involve confessing your feelings to Seungmin.

“We haven’t actually but um… hi I’m (Y/N) it’s really nice to meet you,” you said softly, meeting his eyes briefly before darting them over to Hyunjin. Seungmin had granted you a puzzled look which you immediately took as him being unable to hear you, but you also couldn’t bring yourself to speak again.

“It’s nice to meet you too (Y/N).”

“Great, now that we have the formalities out of the way I should let you guys know that Felix is running a bit behind so we’ll meet up with him later. In the meantime do you guys want to head out for ice cream or something?”

Panic set in immediately and it was like you were put into fight or flight mode. On one hand, yeah it would be pretty great to be able to hang out with Seungmin and have Hyunjin there as a buffer but after all these years of silently pining after him you were terrified of letting out the secret you had kept so close to your heart. You didn’t want to be friends with him, you couldn’t. You couldn’t even stand to look at him without feeling like your body was going to throw your stomach up out of nervousness.

“Ahhh, I would but I can’t! I promised your sister I’d help her unpack her things for her dorm!”

Hyunjin looked at you quizzically, “Why would Yeji ask for your help when she has her roommates to help her? And why would she ask for your help and not mine?”

“I don’t know Jinnie, she’s your sister, why don’t you ask her?!” The lie wasn’t even believable to yourself, you don’t know why you even tried. You probably could have said you were just too tired to go out, instead you came up with some bullshit that made no sense. You knew it, Hyunjin definitely knew it, and you wouldn’t be surprised if Seungmin knew it too, the lie was just that bad. Now you were exasperated, and your cheeks began to burn even more.

Hyunjin looked over at Seungmin briefly, “Could you give us a moment please?”

“Yeah of course, I have some things I’ve got to get downstairs anyway.”

Seungmin waved a little goodbye towards the both of you before leaving and closing the door behind him.

“Cut the shit (y/n) what’s going on.”

You knew you had a very limited amount of time to explain yourself before Seungmin would come back, and you needed to be able to explain yourself well enough to convince Hyunjin to leave the issue alone. So, you did the only thing you could do and rambled on hoping he could make out the rushed words.

“I know him from high school and I’ve been in love with him since and he doesn’t know I exist and I never thought he’d be the roommate you’d bring home and I can’t live with him Jinnie I can’t even look at him I don’t know what to do but I can’t go out with you guys I’m going to have a panic attack deadass cut the cameras I can’t do this I really can’t do this!” You ran out of breath and you could feel your stomach clench in unease, while the lump in your throat made it almost impossible to swallow.

Hyunjin could only look at you, bewildered beyond belief and trying hard to make sense of what you just told him. You could see the emotions on his face, clear as day as they shifted with all the information he was processing in his head.

“What…?”

“Ugh Hyunjin!!! Please I really can’t hang out with you guys this is too much for me right now please.”

“(y/n)… that’s… I mean what? In what world does a person hold onto a crush from high school?”

“In a world where said person goes to the same fucking university as them and has to see them on campus almost all the fucking time?!”

“Okay… but we’re going to be living together, you need to find a way to, ya know, get over it? I don’t mean to make you feel bad but this is a lot. Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

You could hear the hurt in his voice. You weren’t sure if he was hurt because you had kept this to yourself or if he was hurt because now he knew the reason behind your rejection. You couldn’t help but ponder the possibility of just forcing yourself to possibly fall for Hyunjin instead, but you knew that would be wrong because it wasn’t the truth. You knew you loved Hyunjin but it simply wasn’t the kind of love that was romantic, nor would it ever be.

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed when he received no answer from you. You both stared at each other in silence, knowing he was pondering what to do next and how to handle your confession.

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to (y/n) but you’ve got to find a way to sort out your feelings. And you need to become a better liar if you’re going to keep this from the guy we’re gonna be living with.”

“Yeah, I know. I promise I’ll work through it. I just need some time to settle down my heart I guess.” You felt relief flood into your chest, although you knew it was fleeting. You watched as Hyunjin left, you presumed he was going to go get ice cream with Seungmin, and find a way to explain your absence.

You felt exhausted, the interaction between you and Seungmin hadn’t even lasted longer than five minutes and yet here you were, ready for a five year nap. You had no idea how you’d be able to live with him for an entire year. You still had to unpack some of your things so you set yourself to finish that task before you flopped onto your bed and immediately found slumber.

He was sitting next to you, a soft smile on his face once again, hand in yours and you could hear yourself giggling. The sky was clear, not a single cloud in sight and the sun shone so bright. The two of you sat on a park bench, people watching together and enjoying each other’s company. You made up stories about the people passing by, laughing at the absurdity of some of your make believe tales. It was as if all was right, you felt so at peace, as if nothing could ruin the moment. Seungmin turned your face towards his glancing down to your lips before looking into your eyes and asking if he could kiss you. The question took your breath away, and you could only nod as he brought his lips to yours. It was saccharine sweet, and you wanted to memorize the feeling of his lips on yours, the way they mended so perfectly with yours. He brought his hands to your shoulders and pushed you away roughly, a look of disgust on his face. The sky wasn’t blue anymore, the sun was nowhere to be found, and the people in the park were staring at the both of you. He began to laugh at you, his whole body shaking from his laughter and his eyes filled with tears. You could hear whispers among those in the park, saying you were ridiculous, a stupid and naive person for believing he could even love you. He affirmed their words as he looked you dead in the eye, emotionless as he said, “I don’t want you. I never will. Wake up from this delusion of thinking I could ever love you. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up!”

And so you did, you woke with a start and could feel your heartbeat racing. You rubbed at your face and felt wetness on your hands, you’d been crying. You looked around confused and were met with the worried eyes of your best friend.

“Are you okay?”

No. You weren’t okay, none of this was okay for you. The dream was both a glimpse into what you wanted as well as a wake up call for what you couldn’t have and you had no idea how to deal with any of it. You truly wanted nothing more than to be rid of the feelings you had but it truly was easier said than done.

“It was just a bad dream, I’m okay Jinnie. What time is it? When did you guys get back?”

“It’s been a couple of hours, Felix is heading up right about now. I wanted to wake you up so you could meet him too.”

You technically already knew Felix, although you never spoke to him, you have seen him in a couple classes, you also knew he was who Hyunjin would walk around with whenever you were too busy or your schedules hadn’t lined up. It was almost surprising how you and Felix weren’t already friends, but you just blamed it on your shyness and having Hyunjin be your primary friend was enough for you, especially when that included Yeji and all her good friends.

You nodded your head to Hyunjin, indicating that you would come out to finally introduce yourself. You went over to the mirror first, checking to see that nothing was out of place just in case Seungmin was introducing himself to Felix as well. When you finished making sure that you were presentable you grabbed a hold of Hyunjin’s hand and headed toward the living room. As you had suspected, Felix was speaking to Seungmin, but once he caught sight of you he smiled brightly and waved you over.

“It’s nice to finally be able to meet you. Hyunjin never shuts up about how great his best friend is,” Felix said to you in the cutest accent you had ever heard. You never realized he was… Australian, at least that’s what you guessed. You also couldn’t help but to blush, not realizing that Hyunjin spoke about you so highly to people you didn’t even know. It didn’t help that the words also came from someone as cute as Felix. You took notice of the freckles that adorned his face and his heart shaped lips, he was very attractive.

You giggled as you said, “It’s nice to finally meet you too Felix, and I’m glad this guy over here isn’t trash talking me,”

“Of course I’m not trash talking you (y/n) I love you too much for that,” he rolled his eyes dramatically and then moved his hands to squeeze your cheeks, “plus you’re too adorable to trash talk, it’d be like insulting a baby,” the admiration was clear on his face, and hearing him say he loved you wasn’t new. Hyunjin was a drama queen, but he was also the softest boy you’ve ever known and he was especially soft towards you.

Felix chuckled, the sound bringing another blush to your cheeks. What an incredibly interesting situation you found yourself in hmm? Living with an attractive best friend, along with two very attractive roommates. Speaking of, you found yourself completely ignoring Seungmin’s presence, it wasn’t necessarily on purpose it was just something you had grown so used to doing. Being anywhere in his vicinity caused an automatic reaction within you. You were hyper aware of him standing next to you, looking at you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to acknowledge him, in every situation with him involved you made yourself out to be a ghost, you needed to be invisible to him. Admittedly, it’s a little difficult to be invisible around someone when you happen to be the focus of the conversation, so just ignoring him would have to work.

“The two of you have such a cute friendship, it’s crazy how Hyunjin hasn’t asked you out yet considering how highly he speaks of you,” Felix stated matter of factly.

Now it was Hyunjin’s turn to blush as he softly shoved Felix’s shoulder, “Ahh don’t be embarrassing. Of course I’m gonna speak highly of my best friend, she’s the greatest person in the entire world. You can love someone without being in love with them ya know?” He wrapped his arm around your waist and pressed his cheek against the top of your head. Hyunjin was touchy but he wasn’t usually this touchy, especially not in front of others. You couldn’t help but to sneak a peak at Seungmin, and you found him staring at the both of you intently, he had that soft ever present smile on his face but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He made eye contact with you and the smile slipped for only a moment as he studied you. The intensity of his gaze sent you on edge, and Hyunjin’s usually comforting hold on you began to feel smothering. You pulled away from with a hitch in your breath as you faced him, “Do you guys want some tea? I bought some green tea that’s pretty great.”

They all nodded at you and you scurried into the kitchen, setting the kettle on the stove and beginning to make the tea. You knew you’d have to stop running away from him, it felt immature at this point in your life to be so adamant about avoiding your problems rather than facing them head on. You leaned against the counter, resting your elbows upon it and placing your head in your hands as you took in a deep breath. You could hear them speaking, but couldn’t bring yourself to pay attention, the only thing on your mind was Kim Seungmin, and his eyes burning into yours. As you waited for the tea to finish you came to the conclusion that this would be a very long year. And, as you went back to the living room to serve the boys their tea you realized, you may not be able to last the year with Seungmin looking at you like that.

A few weeks passed and school was well underway. Students looked so stressed out with the threats of their first exams looming over them and you weren’t faring any better. You had so many exams coming up you felt like you were drowning, and the added stress of Seungmin being your roommate hadn’t made things any better. Hyunjin was constantly on your ass trying to get you to confess your feelings.

“If you don’t tell him, I will” he had stated, staring blankly at you.

“Tell him what exactly, Hyunjin?” you glared at him.

“Tell him that you have a crush on him, duh.” He rolled his eyes and made a face at you, looking at you like the idiot you both knew you were.

“So you have a death wish? Is that what this is? Don’t even think about it Hwang, I’ll tie you up and lock you in your room forever if I have to.”

“Sounds kinky.”

“Fuck off.” you looked at him disgusted, and threw a pillow at his pouting face, effectively ending that very tiresome conversation.

Once you started to hang out with Felix more, he began to take note of your skittish behavior around Seungmin, even commenting about it one time when the two of you decided to get dinner together. You had been in the middle of shoving fries in your face when Felix asked you:

“Do you have a crush on Seungmin or something?”

You choked on your food. You had been caught so off guard by his question and had started to die of both embarrassment and lack of airflow. Felix even had to rush over from his side of the booth to start patting your back to get you to cough back up the fries you had inhaled. Once you got your bearings together you couldn’t even look at him, the warmth in your face feeling like an inferno. He gently took your chin in his hand and turned your face towards him, asking if you were okay. If you hadn’t been so caught up in being in love with your other roommate you probably would’ve swooned over this one looking at you with his pretty brown eyes and constellation like freckles. But alas, life was a bitch and she had you in a chokehold. You couldn’t even respond to him, averting your eyes around his face but never looking directly into his eyes. He chuckled and let you go.

“Well, you either have a crush on him, or you hate his guts.”

That definitely caught your attention, “what do you mean ‘hate his guts’ what are you talking about?”

“Come on (y/n) you make any excuse to not be around him. He enters a room and you exit it. He says something and you either ignore it completely or only barely pay him attention. And if he even so much as looks in your direction you make any excuse you can to be out of his line of sight. Although this would probably be something you’d do for someone you hate, Seungmin is a pretty nice guy and hasn’t done anything wrong. You’ve also been acting this way since moving in so… do you like him or am I missing something completely?”

You had grown pretty close to Felix, but could you trust him with your secret? You could barely trust Hyunjin with it and he was your best friend. You knew Felix and Seungmin were also pretty close, the older one always trying to give the youngest some cuddles. You had to admit, it had made you jealous on numerous occasions but that wasn’t important right now. What was important was what you would say next.

“I just don’t know him that well I guess…” you mumbled out, not even sounding sure of yourself.

“Why not get to know him then. Don’t you feel awkward avoiding him all the time,” Felix slung his arm behind you and his fingers began to play with your hair.

“I suppose I just reached my friend limit, can’t go around making friends all willy nilly you know. I might lose track of them all,” what a dumb thing to say, and you internally rolled your eyes at your juvenile excuse.

Felix could only chuckle, “there’s a lot of things I really like about you (y/n).”

“Oh? Is that so?” Your eyebrows shot up, surprised by his admission.

“Oh absolutely. And one of the many many things that I like about you is that you are just an amazingly terrible liar. Truly, you don’t have a lying bone in your body, how admirable is that?”

Ah damn. You sighed.

“Felix please. This is a lot more complicated for me than just a crush. Don’t tell him alright?”

“Honestly (y/n), it’d be a miracle if he didn’t already know.”

And that one sentence from your good ol friend Lee Felix is what sent you into a spiral. Exams were stressful enough as it is, but having to monitor your behavior in front of Seungmin was a whole other level of unneeded stress. You were sure that confessing to him was probably the best option you had, but you didn’t even know how to approach the subject without coming off as some yandere maniac.

I’ve been in love with you since freshman year of high school but I promise I didn’t purposely follow you here and I really didn’t plan on becoming your roommate I swear it was all just a crazy coincidence and yeah I probably should be over you by now but I’m still in love you and living here is making things so much worse.

Yeah, a total yandere maniac.

You had been sitting in the living room, hunched over your study materials as your mind (once again) wandered off to thoughts of Seungmin, when the object of your desire walked right through the front door with a girl giggling in tow. You felt your heart jump to your throat and your stomach fall right to your ass. She was beautiful, the complete opposite of everything you were, even her laugh was beautiful. And she was now staring straight at you.

You gulped, the intensity of her gaze going straight to your head.

“Oh hey (y/n) I didn’t realize you were home.”

Why did the air suddenly feel like it was suffocating you? You now had two very beautiful people looking at you and you could swear that one of them was glaring daggers at you.

“Uhh yeah, I umm- I’m studying. Yeah.” What the fuck was that?! Congratulations on your English minor, you’re truly putting it to fantastic fucking use. You mentally cringed at yourself, feeling nothing short of awkward and like you were intruding on them, even though they walked in on you. You cleared your throat and began again, “I can leave if you want the living room, I can go to my room… Or the library… Even the coffee shop down the road actually…” you trailed off, fully sick and tired of the heat that was rushing to your cheeks.

“Ah no no it’s okay, Talia and I were gonna head into my room anyway.”

Even her fucking name is beautiful.

“Oh okay…”

With that she grabbed his hand and looked up at him with pretty doe eyes, “Come on Seungminnie, lead the way!” He smiled down at her and led her down the hallway to his room, all the while she was smirking at you with an evil little glint in her stupidly beautiful eyes.

You had never seen this girl before in your life, had never seen her walking around with Seungmin on campus, had he ever even mentioned a girl before to any one of your roommates? You felt sick, and you wanted nothing more than to crawl out of your skin. But this was what you wanted right? A way to get over your many years now long crush. He basically served it to you on a silver platter didn’t he?? It didn’t matter, the pain in your heart told you that getting over him was going to be damn near impossible. You sat stewing in your thoughts, studying long forgotten as the afternoon gave way to nightfall. And with each giggle floating from his room to your ears you felt the pit in your stomach give way to a chasm of emptiness. You swallowed the lump in your throat and went into the kitchen to make yourself some tea. The world could be falling apart but as long as you had your tea then at least it couldn’t be that bad. You let out a small sad smile at your own pitiful attempt at optimism.

You took things slowly, moving at an almost sloth-like pace. You worried that if you moved a little too fast then you would simply shatter with how fragile you were. You realized that staying in the apartment was really doing nothing but making you feel even worse, but you had already committed to making yourself some tea and you’d be damned if you let a tea bag go to waste. Calling Hyunjin or Felix was definitely an option but it wasn’t one you wanted to partake in, they were busy doing their own things and you didn’t want to burden them with a problem so stupid. You got yourself a mug from the cabinet as you heard the door to Seungmin’s room open. You tried to pay it no mind as you began to pour the tea from the kettle into your mug until you heard a throat clearing behind you.

It was Talia.

Fuck.

She jumped on the counter and you couldn’t help but to notice how she was swimming in the hoodie she was wearing. A hoodie she hadn’t been wearing when she came in. A hoodie you see Seungmin frequently wear. In fact, he had been wearing that same hoodie when they came in. The urge to throw up became immediate, yet you held it together as you sipped your tea and looked at her.

She was smirking at you, knowing you had taken notice of her attire.

“It smells just like him, you know?” she stated smugly.

“Mmm I’m sure it does.”

You couldn’t look at her anymore and opted to dig around the pantry for a snack you could stuff your face with, unfortunately the most appealing thing in the pantry happened to be the garlic salt, so there’s that. You sighed internally and just stood there, feeling her eyes watching your every move. You didn’t even know this girl and it felt like she hated you. Shouldn’t it be the opposite way around?

“You know he’s actually talked about you before,” she says nonchalantly.

This definitely catches you by surprise, the thought of Seungmin ever bringing your name up in a conversation causes your heart to beat erratically. You know you need to play it cool though and so you only spare her a brief glance as you hum in acknowledgment.

“Yeah he talks about his weird roommate who spazzes out every time he’s around. He thinks you’re a freak.”

Whether it was true or not her words definitely hurt, but what could you really do about it? There was nothing you could say to her and it was probably too late to change Seungmin’s opinion of you, especially with the wicked witch of the west now in his life. You tried to keep your face as emotionless as possible but you couldn’t hide the lump you tried to swallow. This girl was looking for a reaction from you and you didn’t want to give into her games if you could at all help it. You tightened your grip on your tea and took a long sip to calm your nerves.

“Hopefully it shouldn’t get to you too much. There are two other guys in this apartment who would probably pity fuck you.” She scoffed before continuing, “I mean what kind of whore decides to live with three other guys.”

You didn’t even know this bitch and she was calling you a whore. The audacity damned near caused you to fling your drink in her face to shut her up, but no, you wanted to be the bigger person.

“Excuse me?” You kept your voice as even as possible as you looked at her directly.

“You heard me. You’re a whore. No if ands or buts about it bitch. Only a whore would live with three dudes in a shitty ass apartment. You probably fuck the other two of them so you don’t have to pay the rent.”

The thing about the mug in your hands is that it was fairly old, it was also one of your favorites. You had made it yourself at a pottery barn with your best friend at the time in seventh grade. It was an ugly mug sure, but it was also filled with good memories and you did love it. Unfortunately, due to age and the fact that it was made by a seventh grader, it wasn’t very strong, and so you usually treated it with a lot of care. Now though, your favorite mug was shattered in your hands from how tight you gripped it. The sound rang through the kitchen as the mug broke and the hot tea splashed over your hands as well as the ground. It was loud enough to warrant Seungmin rushing into the kitchen with wide eyes as he took in the scene in front of him.

“(Y/N) are you okay?” he tried to reach out to you but you took a step back and looked at him, this would be the first time you actually held his gaze when you spoke to him, “either take the trash on our counter out of this apartment, or I will drag it by the hair out of this apartment.”

His eyes widened comically and his mouth stood agape, even Talia looked at you in shock, definitely not expecting you to stand up for yourself.

“I know for a fact the two of you aren’t deaf but I’ll say it again just for shits and giggles.” you once again looked at Talia, “get the fuck out of my apartment or I will get you the fuck out of my apartment.”

Seungmin had never seen you this angry, but the way you were practically shaking in rage caused him to silently grab Talia’s hand and lead her out of the apartment.

You could hear her telling him, “your roommate is a psycho Seungmin, you should move out for your safety, who knows what she could do to you,” Seungmin only hushed her gently and told her he’d call her later.

He came back into the kitchen and saw you standing there with your eyes closed, still trying to collect yourself and calm your breathing. He approached you slowly as he grabbed a hand towel laying on the counter and began to wipe at the tea on your hands. He held one of your wrists in his hand as he wiped at you with the other. The silence was deafening, and you wanted nothing more than to snatch your hands away from him, his touch setting your skin ablaze. But you didn’t do that, instead you opened your eyes slowly and watched him take care of you. The tension in the room was so thick and uncomfortable yet you couldn’t bring yourself to speak and explain yourself.

He broke the silence though, “well the mug was pretty ugly so at least you can get a prettier one,” he tried to chuckle although it was definitely awkward.

“I made that mug,” you deadpanned.

He snapped his eyes to yours and now it was his turn to look away in embarrassment as his face flushed.

“It was ugly in a cute way,”.

You took your hands from him and bent down on the floor, beginning to pick up the pieces of the mug you broke. There was tea everywhere and your hands still hurt from the burn but you couldn’t have him touching you anymore, it was all just too much. He got a plastic bag from one of the kitchen drawers and bent down with you, picking up the pieces and putting them away in the bag, so you too began to put the pieces in there as well. Big pieces, small pieces, damn near tiny pieces, all of it went into the plastic bag. You were sure there was a metaphor somewhere in there, your heart was the mug and your inability to really hide your feelings was the bag. Neither of you spoke during this process and you were careful to pick up pieces you knew he wasn't going to get, just to avoid touching him again. Seungmin was very curious as to why you had the reaction you did, but he didn’t exactly know how to ask you and he was sure that even if he did you’d probably ignore him. He’d have to get the story from Talia later, maybe even Felix if you decided to tell him what happened. Maybe then Seungmin could understand the situation from your point of view without having to ask you for it directly.

You were finishing up on picking up the last few pieces scattered on the kitchen when Seungmin began to wipe the tea from the floor and clean up the mess you made. It was nice of him to help you and you told him as much in a soft voice you were sure he couldn’t hear, but he did hear and he nodded at you, sparing you a small smile as you both finished cleaning the mess. Without another word you took the bag of broken pieces into your room and shut the door. You flung yourself onto the bed and texted Hyunjin so that he could come back home. You really need your best friend right now.

Hyunjin came back in record time, with Felix hot on his trail. Hyunjin practically bursts through your door while Felix scrambles to take your study materials from the living room into your room. In the ordeal you had completely forgotten that you’d left all your school stuff out in the living room, and you were grateful that Felix cared enough to bring it to you.

“Tell us everything, What happened?”

And so you do, you tell them what happened and try not to speak too loud so that Seungmin can’t hear you from his room. As you recount the story you see Felix’s eyes go wide in shock and Hyunjin gets red in the face from anger.

“SHE CALLED YOU A WHAT?!”

Hyunjin’s yelling will probably get you a noise complaint so you tell him to not be so loud as you continue with your story. You finally finish and watch for their reactions.

“Why didn’t you tell Seungmin what she said to you?” Felix asks, confused as to why you’d keep that information to yourself.

Hyunjin scoffs and answers for you, “you know why she wouldn’t tell him that Felix come on. She can speak to literally anyone and everyone besides Seungmin,” he’s very clearly annoyed with you and you can’t even begin to understand why he’s getting so snippy. Even Felix looks a little taken aback with Hyunjin’s tone.

“Yeah, well excuse me for not wanting to start a conflict with my roommate Hyunjin. It’s almost as if I just want to live here peacefully,” you glared at him, also beginning to get annoyed with the way he was speaking to you.

“Please, that’s not the reason and you know it’s not. You have absolutely no problem with starting a conflict. Just the other day you confronted Felix about leaving his hair in the shower. And, you confronted me about being too clingy with you!”

“Those aren’t starting conflicts Hyunjin! It’s called addressing things that are bothering me,” he narrows his eyes at you and contorts his face into one of disgust. Yes, the very classic disgusted Hyunjin look.

“You are so annoying sometimes (y/n). He’s literally just another person, he’s not any more special than you or me and yet you can’t even look at him. How many times were you actually able to look at him before having to look away. It’s insane!” Felix puts his hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder trying to pull him away from you. You on the other hand can’t even speak, this all feels like it’s coming out of left field for you and you don’t get why Hyunjin is lecturing you about this right now.

“Hyunjin I called you to come back because I just got called a fucking whore and instead of being here for me you’re lecturing me about shit that doesn’t even matter!”

“Of course it matters! If you weren’t being such a pussy she wouldn’t have been here in the first place!”

“So what? Is it somehow my fault that I got insulted in my own home?” The both of you are beginning to increase in volume and Felix can only stand in place awkwardly, clearly not anticipating a fight breaking out between you and your best friend.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it, stop being so dense!”

“Are you kidding me right now? I’m dense? You’re seriously going to say that to me right now??” The anger inside you is reaching a boiling point.

“You know what! Yes! I am gonna call you dense because that’s what you are. If I can look you in the eyes and confess to you that I’m fucking in love with you then why can’t you do the same? You’re dense because you have someone right in front of you. ME. I am right here telling you that I love you and yet I get thrown to the side for a crush you can’t get over? Are you serious? And it’s a crush from high school no less like ugh,”.

And there it is. Just like that your anger dissipates into guilt and you look down, placing a cold hand onto your heated face to calm down. You can’t look at him. You knew him having feelings was always a possibility and yet he still stuck by you like a great best friend ignoring how he felt just to be by your side.

His voice is soft when he says, “I know you don’t feel that way towards me. You don’t have to say it again. But can you at least make your move on him so I can just get over you? I can’t keep doing this…” He leaves your room and you hear him walk towards his own, the sound of a backpack being unzipped ringing in your ears. He’s most likely going to stay with Yeji for a few days just to get away from you. You can’t blame him, you need some space to think, but being in this apartment after this fight just doesn’t feel right. You know that the both of you got pretty loud, and you’re sure Seungmin definitely heard it. You just don’t know what to do anymore.

You feel arms wrap around you and you know that it’s Felix, you bury your face into his neck and just stay there, letting his warmth envelop your figure. He doesn’t know what to say to you, he wouldn’t even have the right words to say if he could even think of them, so he provides you with the one thing he’s best at giving out: affection. You both can hear Hyunjin packing things in a rush and the next thing you know, he’s out the door without a single goodbye. Once the front door closes Felix pulls away from you staring into your eyes and then pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead.

“It’s gonna be okay,”.

You can only hope so.

Felix decides that he’s going to stay with you for the rest of the night just so that you don’t have to be alone with the thoughts raging in your head. He lets you get ready for bed and then slides in with you, cuddling you and trying to calm you down. As you lay there in bed with Felix holding onto you all you can do is think about Hyunjin. On one hand you’re surprised by Hyunjin’s admission but you know you shouldn’t be. You realize that in all your time hanging out with him that he had never mentioned a girl other than his sister, and never even hung out with other girls unless it was his sister and her friends just happened to be present. He had told you about the countless admirers that he got, girls from class who would try to strike up a conversation with him, or girls who saw you and him hanging around campus would sometimes try to introduce themselves to him. He never really paid anyone else much attention unless it was you. You also noticed that even if you were hanging out with him and Felix at the same time, he would always look at you, even if Felix was speaking, Hyunjin was watching for your reactions. You also thought back to the night that Hyunjin kissed you.

You had a huge presentation to prepare for in one of your classes, where you’d have to speak in front of everyone and be graded by not only the content you were presenting, but also the way you were presenting it. You had been a nervous wreck for a few weeks leading up to the presentations and had been obsessively trying to perfect everything about it. It seemed like every night you had forced Hyunjin to listen to you present over and over again so that you could be better. He never once complained about having to listen to the same thing night after night, in fact he would always provide you with useful pointers so that you could make it as perfect as possible. He was like an angel just listening to you ramble on and on about something neither of you cared about, but that’s what best friends are for.

On the day you were going to give your presentation you had a full on panic attack and could barely breathe, Hyunjin had been there for you guiding you through the attack and holding you close to him so that he could provide you with the comfort you needed. He even went so far as to skip his own class to sneak into yours just to give you moral support. You were almost positive that your professor knew he wasn’t supposed to be there, but the way you kept glancing at him before you began your presentation is probably what caused your professor to hold her tongue. You got through your presentation without a hitch and kept your eyes on Hyunjin a majority of the time, only straying away from looking at him to look at your professor. Afterwards, he had the biggest smile on his face and when you sat next to him he held on to your hand and leaned in to whisper in your ear that you did amazing.

Later that night, in celebration of the A he knew you were going to get, you both got shit faced drunk, laughing and having a great time. You remember how he tried to tickle you, and he told you that he loved your laugh, he loved everything about you. You had giggled at him and tried to escape from the hands that still had a hold on your waist when he leaned in and kissed you. You were unreactive at first, caught off guard by his lips on yours and didn’t kiss him back. When he went to pull away you fisted your hands in his hair and crashed your lips against his. The kiss was surprisingly slow and passionate for two very drunk college kids. You could taste the alcohol on his tongue and something that was so distinctly him that you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away until you had to break for air. Somehow, while kissing, you found that Hyunjin had placed himself on top of you, and he was looking down at you with glassy eyes and red lips, you were sure you mirrored the way he looked. He then leaned back towards you and began to kiss your neck, sucking at the skin right above your collarbone, and as you felt his hands slide under your shirt you were pulled out of your daze. You let go of his hair and put your hands against his shoulders and pushed. You may have been drunk, but you weren’t drunk enough to sleep with your best friend, especially when you knew that your heart belonged to another.

His face turned red and he apologized immediately, completely embarrassed at himself and how he definitely shouldn’t have done that. You assured him that everything was okay and you weren’t mad at him. It was a lapse in judgement, a heat of the moment type of deal. You knew it didn’t mean anything. Nevertheless, he was still very embarrassed by what had transpired when you both woke up the next morning with terrible hangovers and raging headaches. In fact, the first thing he did when you woke up was apologize once again for what had happened the night before. You had explained to him that you didn’t have those types of feelings for him, and you were sure he didn’t have those types of feelings for you either, it just happened and that was okay. You loved him, just not in that way. Hyunjin agreed completely and that was that. The both of you moved on and never spoke about it again. You also hadn’t really thought about much either. Nothing had changed between the two of you and that’s all that mattered.

How were you supposed to know that it wasn’t really a lapse in judgement on Hyunjin’s part? Now, more than ever, you wish you could’ve told him why you didn’t love him that way, and why you had pushed him away. Here you were, laying in the arms of your roommate as you drifted off to sleep, dreaming of the alternate universe where Seungmin didn’t exist and you slept with Hyunjin.

A few days pass and you haven’t seen Hyunjin or Seungmin. You asked Felix where Seungmin had gone to and he told you that he was just busy with classes. You were almost positive that Seungmin was also avoiding you because of what he probably heard when Hyunjin had left the apartment. It feels like your life is a mess and the only thing you have any control over are your classes. So, instead of making amends with Hyunjin or even confronting Seungmin, you decide to bury your face in your textbooks. Felix tries to get you to talk to Hyunjin, or even communicate with him in any way, even if Felix has to be the middleman, but you refuse. You opt to just focus on your studies and decide that you’ll deal with the mess once exams are over.

Soon enough exams come and they go and you’re left with nothing but the looming threat of facing your problems. You sit on a bench on campus watching students pass you by, and wonder what it would be like to be literally anyone but yourself.

“There’s a party going on tonight. We’re going,” you’re startled by the voice, but the familiar aussie accent lets you know that it’s Felix coming to sit next to you.

“I don’t want to go to a party Felix. I want to sit and mope alone at home,” you don’t even spare him a glance, instead you close your eyes and bask in the sunlight.

“Come on (y/n) it’ll be fun. Besides it’s at the frat house where 3racha lives,” you can hear the excitement in Felix’s voice and you know you won’t be able to say no to him. He’s been obsessed with the group for awhile, especially ever since he found out that the leader, Chan, is Australian like himself. He’s also lowkey been stalking Han who’s in one of his classes. Well not so much as stalking, it’s more like he keeps trying to build up the courage to talk to him and be his friend but keeps falling short and just stares at him the entire lecture. Anyway, this is a big deal for Felix and you’ve got to go.

Little did you know, this was also a part of Felix’s plan to get you to talk to Hyunjin again, since he also invited him to the party with the same excuse he just gave you.

Later that night you walk into the crowded frat house with Felix’s hand in yours. He looks breathtaking, having asked you to apply some light makeup onto his face, which makes him look ethereal. You also put in a bit of effort towards your appearance and are even wearing heels. It’s loud and there are sweaty bodies everywhere, the second you walked in you were being jostled around all over the place. You look at Felix and notice he’s looking around the house, most likely in search of one of the members so that he can finally strike up a conversation. Recognition crosses his face and he begins to pull you in the direction of the kitchen, where you see bright red hair coming into view. Yeji?

Sure enough it is Yeji, and right next to her is her twin brother, Hyunjin. You try to pull at Felix’s hand to get him to stop going towards the kitchen, but he’s a lot stronger than you are and he’s also very determined. You’re also beginning to panic as he takes you closer and closer to problem #1, almost tripping over yourself in the process. By the time you reach the kitchen Hyunjin has already seen the both of you and is staring straight at you. The anxiety grips at your throat. Out of the corner of your eye you see Felix and Yeji share a look and they both make their way out of the kitchen, leaving you with Hyunjin.

“Hey,” he says to you, lips stretching into a thin line.

“Hey…” you’ve never felt this uncomfortable around him. Sure you’ve gotten into disagreements here and there but this situation is more than just a disagreement and it feels like your whole friendship is on the line. You don’t want to lose him and you don’t know what to do so you begin to ramble.

“Listen I am so sorry about everything that’s happened between you and me I really never realized you were in love with me which sounds so dumb because looking back at all of our interactions it’s so clear to see that you did have feelings for me and I was just blind and I swear I never meant to hurt you,” you stop to catch your breath, “the night we kissed I should’ve told you the truth then but I didn’t think much of it and now I know it meant something to you and I basically rejected you but I didn’t know I swear I didn’t know and I don’t want to lose you because of this so tell me what I have to do Hyunjin because I do care about you so much, please,” you can hear the desperation in your voice and you’re also slightly out of breath, you try to look into his eyes but he turns his face away from you and shakes his head. He doesn’t know what to say to you and you don’t blame him, he doesn’t know how to fix this either.

After a while he sighs and looks back at you, “have you told Seungmin yet?”

“I haven’t even seen him since you walked out. Felix says he’s been busy with classes, he’s never in the apartment,”.

“Are you ever going to tell him?”

It’s your turn to sigh, “I don’t know…”

He turns around to grab a cup of the spiked fruit punch and he pours you a cup as well, turning around and giving it to you.

“All I can say is this (y/n): it really doesn’t matter if I’m in love with you or not when I know you’ll never feel the same. I’ve been in love with you for a year now, you’ve been in love with Seungmin for what? Five years? I can’t compete. I know that. I think my hope was that you and I could’ve had something great, and I’m sure if your feelings weren’t for another then we definitely would have. But that’s just not the case and I have to accept that. I’ll always love you, and I am still your best friend, I just hope that I can fall out of love with you,” his smile is sad and he takes a very long swig of his fruit punch, practically finishing it in one go. He tries to turn around to pour some more but you stop him with a hand to his arm.

“I’m so sorry Hyunjin.”

“I know (y/n), “ he pauses and it looks as though he’s debating on whether or not he wants to say what he wants to say but he ultimately decides to spit it out, “he’s here you know,”.

Your eyes widened like saucers, you had no idea that Seungmin was going to be here too.

“I thought he wasn’t the party scene type of person?”

“He isn’t, but Felix invited him. He brought a girl with him by the way, so you may wanna… deal with that… before it’s too late.”

If there’s a God you sure hope and pray to Him that he’s not here with Talia. With that worrying thought in mind you decide to try the fruit punch Hyunjin handed to you. It tastes fucking terrible but you need the alcohol. If you see him, you’ll have to rely on the liquid courage to get through the night without breaking down. You and Hyunjin stay in the kitchen in silence drinking away your problems with frequent refills of the red solo cups. He’s trying to drink away his love for you while you’re trying to drink away the anxiety that Seungmin gives you.

You don’t know how long you’ve been standing there drinking cup after cup but your bladder is definitely feeling the weight of all the liquid you’ve consumed. You excuse yourself from Hyunjin’s presence and head off to find the bathroom. Once you leave the kitchen you see that Felix and Yeji have been standing just off to the side of it this entire time. They both try to approach you but you shake your head and state that you really need to pee, but you promise that you'll speak to them when you come back.

You try to find the bathroom by yourself but it’s very crowded and you’re so tipsy that you’re having a bit of a hard time distinguishing left from right. You end up bumping into none other than Han Jisung and your eyes widen comically.

“Hey are you alright?” He grabs ahold of your arms to keep you steady and you nod enthusiastically.

“My friend is like in love with you! He talks about 3racha all the time, it's crazy! He even has a class with you!” You feel like telling Han about Felix is probably the only way Felix will actually talk to him.

His eyebrows shoot up to his forehead and he let’s go of you, “oh really? Who’s this friend of yours?”

“Lee Felix! He’s really pretty! He has freckles and he has an accent like Bang Chan oh and he’s standing near the kitchen with a really pretty red headed girl named Yeji, she’s my best friend's sister, oh and my best friend is in the kitchen. I left because I really needed to pee. Where’s the bathroom?”

Han chuckles a bit and puts his hand on the small of your back so that he can lead you over to the bathroom, he points to a hallway and tells you it’s the second door to the left. You thank him with a cheesy smile on your face and make your way to the bathroom. You stop at the beginning of the hallway to lean against the wall when you see something that makes your heart stop. It’s Talia. And Seungmin. And she has him pressed against the wall with her lips locked on his. Your body goes into fight or flight mode and you run away from the scene instantly. All desire to pee is immediately replaced by the need to throw up.

You’re pushing against people to try to get through the front door when you feel a hand tug at your wrist, it’s Felix. You snatch your hand away and keep running, once you feel the cool night air hit your face you lean over a bush and spill your guts.

“Oh my god (y/n) how much have you had to drink? We haven’t even been here that long?” Felix questions you looking bewildered. He knew that speaking with Hyunjin was going to be difficult but he didn’t know you’d get so shitfaced for it.

You have difficulty breathing but manage to get out the words “Seungmin” “Talia” and “kissing” before bending over again. It clicks in his mind at what you saw and he feels guilty for inviting Seungmin in the first place. To be fair he didn’t think that Seungmin was going to invite the girl who called his roommate a whore. He pats your back as you dry heave into the bush and once you stand up fully he asks if you want to go home.

“No. I need to get fucked up,” Felix looks at you worried but doesn’t say anything as he follows you back into the house and straight into the kitchen. Yeji is back with Hyunjin and he’s leaning against the counter with a goofy smile on his face, he’s definitely drunk. You dig around the kitchen for some strong liquor and find the tequila, deciding to take a swig directly from the bottle, only to have Hyunjin take it from you. He also decides to start drinking from the bottle while Yeji and Felix watch over the both of you. You can faintly understand their conversation but you’re not really paying attention. Yeji is talking about how Hyunjin is hurting and Felix tells her about what you saw and now they’re looking at the both of you with pity in their eyes. Hyunjin notices and he hates it so he grabs your hand and leans in to yell in your ear.

“Let’s go dance!”

He pulls you from the kitchen into the living room and you both dance away your troubles. You’re sharing the tequila between you and the burn hurts so good. He holds onto your waist and you hold onto his shoulders and you dance together to the beat. The only time you stop is to get some more liquor from the kitchen. At this point Yeji has put all her friends to the task of watching over the both of you so that nothing bad happens. You also know that Felix had finally struck up a conversation with Han and Han does the nice gesture of looking over you every now and then. You’re pretty sure he even clued in Bang Chan and Changbin since you see their eyes on you every once in a while. You have no idea how many people know about your or Hyunjin’s woes but you can’t find it in yourself to give much of a fuck. You don’t want anyone's pity, and you don’t want to think of your heartbreak so you keep dancing and dancing until you can’t dance anymore. All the while, Hyunjin is right there with you until he’s pulled away by some girl who probably finds him attractive. You don’t care, you just want to have fun.

The party dwindles down and you find yourself plopped down on the couch in the living room with everyone around you. Hyunjin is sweet talking the girl that pulled him away from you earlier, Felix is having a very excited conversation with 3racha while Yeji and all her friends are engaged in their own conversations. You feel alone. You’re drunk, you’re heartbroken, and you’re fucking alone. You want to get up from the couch and leave but you have no energy and you feel the tears beginning to well up behind your eyes. You look to the ceiling to keep them in when you hear that fucking giggle echo in your brain.

Fucking Talia.

Seungmin walks into the living room and it feels like the world stops. You hate this hole that’s formed in your chest and pit that’s in your stomach. You can’t handle this right now. Problem #2 is just going to have to stay a problem until you can get your bearings together because you’re super emotional and way too drunk for this. You stand up and wobble a bit, but you manage, you try to take a step but Talia gets right in front of you.

“Oh heyyyy (y/n) you’re not looking too good,” she says in a smug tone.

It feels like all eyes are on you but you have no desire to interact with Talia of all people. You try to move around her but she gets in front of you again.

“What’s the matter? You were speaking all tough to me just a few days ago? Now that we have an audience the cat’s got your tongue?” Seungmin reaches for her arm but she snatches it away from him with a glare.

You still don’t say anything and try to move away again when you feel a hand connect to your face.

“I’m talking to you bitch!”

Time freezes as you hold your cheek in your hand fully grasping that this crazy bitch just hit you. If you weren’t so drunk you’d have lunged for her, but the slap made your vision hazy and you’re seeing two of everyone around you. You feel movement come from behind you and you’re moved to the side as you see Yeji leap at Talia, and all hell breaks loose. Felix rushes to your side to make sure you’re okay while Hyunjin damn near tackles Seungmin to the ground, yelling at him for even bringing her around. Lia, Ryujin and Chaeryoung try to pry Yeji from Talia but Yeji has such a tight grip on her hair it’s damn near impossible to separate them. Meanwhile, Changbin is trying to keep Hyunjin from beating Seungmin’s ass. Everyone’s yelling and it’s too much for your head that is starting to hurt from all the commotion.

Seungmin breaks away from a very angry Hyunjin and goes to you, he puts a hand to your cheek and asks if you’re okay.

“No!” you say, because his girlfriend just hit you for no reason and now he’s touching you and everyone’s still being so loud, you just want to go home. The tears begin to well in your eyes again and Seungmin looks like he’s going to start panicking if you begin to cry so you try to keep it in. Felix then leans into Seungmin to whisper in his ear and Seungmin nods in agreement. He takes your hand in his and begins to lead you out of the house. You can hear Hyunjin swearing in the background as Felix tries to keep him from running after the two of you.

You make it out of the house hand in hand with him and the cold night air sends shivers down your arms. Seungmin takes off the jean jacket that he’s wearing and drapes it along your shoulders, asking you if you want him to carry your heels since you’re precariously wobbling around. Under normal circumstances you would absolutely refuse to walk around the street barefoot but you also don’t want to embarrass yourself further by falling flat on your face so you have no other choice but to agree.

With your heels in one of his hands and his other arm around your shoulder you begin to walk home and away from the frat house and the destruction you left in your wake. You look up at the sky and see how beautiful the stars are, in this moment you wish you were one. You would never have to worry about boy problems or random girls hitting you for no reason; you would get to live your days out in space burning and burning and looking beautiful. You don’t realize there are tears running down your face until you sniffle and Seungmin pulls you closer to him.

“Your girlfriends a bitch Seungmin,”.

He sighs, “Talia isn’t my girlfriend, she’s my study partner,”.

“Study partners don’t just make out in frat house hallways, Seungmin,” you state matter-of-factly.

He looks down at you puzzled, “you saw that?”

“It’s why I’m so drunk right now,” you’re not thinking about what you’re saying, or what you’re implying. This night has already been terrible, and you can’t help but to make it worse.

“Ahh… I see…” he trails off before continuing, “if it makes you feel any better, she kinda just forced herself onto me. I don’t have those feelings for her.”

“If you don’t have those feelings then why did you invite her to the party?” His statement should bring you some relief but you can’t help but to feel frustrated instead.

“I didn’t invite her, she was already there when I arrived and she just latched onto me when she saw me.”

“Oh…”

You don’t know what else to say so you walk in a slightly uncomfortable silence, until you decide to dig the hole deeper for yourself.

“I’ve been in love with you since high school.” the voice doesn’t even sound like it’s your own but you know it is, the words truly did come out of your mouth but you can’t bring yourself to care anymore. You know you won’t remember this in the morning so it’s not like it matters, if you’re lucky then Seungmin will never mention your admission.

He hums in acknowledgment, “oh really, tell me about it.”

“God yeah you have no idea, living with you has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Seeing you everyday just sucks.” You don’t pay attention to the fact that he didn’t make a big deal out of your confession you just keep rambling on, “I didn’t think I’d be into you for this long but then I saw you on campus our freshman year and knew I was fucked. There’s just something about you Kim Seungmin, something I can’t get over.”

“What do you like about me (y/n)?”

“Everything,” your answer is surprisingly blunt.

He lets out a small chuckle and you can hear the smirk in his voice when he says, “well that’s not very specific, how do I know that you’re really in love with me and not just into me because of my charming good looks,” you smack his chest and let out a giggle.

“Everything about you is intoxicating. The way you speak, the way you laugh, that cute little lisp you used to have because of your braces, and your personality is just… wow. I can’t even explain it,”.

You don’t see it because you’re still walking alongside him but he has the biggest grin on his face. He knew you had a crush on him and that was why you were always so anxious around him, but it’s nice to finally get the reason why out of you. He feels like maybe now he can try to have a friendship with you, or possibly something more.

“So you do remember me then?” That wasn’t the reaction you were expecting. You stop in your tracks to look up at him puzzled.

“What?”

“On the day we moved in you pretended like you had no idea who I was. I didn’t know if you really hadn’t remembered or if you were trying to start fresh and not have Hyunjin know that you knew me or something…”

“Wait, Seungmin, you’re saying you knew who I was this whole time?” He tilts his head to the side at you, truly looking like a puppy before he decides to nod.

“Why didn’t you say anything?!” You ask both exasperated and confused.

He chuckles at you before saying, “(y/n) you’d always run away from me every time I tried to talk to you. It’s like you didn’t want me around. I mean I kind of figured you had feelings for me, but I never knew you liked me since high school.”

The world feels like it’s spinning around you and you step away from him, you’re shaking your head at him because none of this makes sense. You just confessed your feelings to a guy who you thought never knew you existed. Except, he knew who you were from the beginning, he knew about your feelings too. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. Well you didn’t really have a plan when you said what you said but this definitely wasn’t the conversation you were expecting. You figured he would just laugh at you and then move on or even look at you horrified and leave you on the street while running away and screaming about you being crazy or something. He places his hands on your shoulders to try to calm you down but you back away from him again. What the fuck is going on? One minute you’re giggling at him and the next you’re whiplashed by him.

“Please don’t freak out (y/n).”

You’re sputtering, “h-h-how can I not freak out you knew who I was this whole time and and-”

He cuts you off by saying, “you’re really cute when you’re flustered.”

You stare at him wide eyed and unsure of what to say. Due to your confusion you let him put his arm around your shoulders once again and continue on your treck home. He begins to lightly sing a Day6 song and you listen to his voice, unable to ponder your drunken thoughts and instead fully immersed in his voice. You look up at the sky again and then find your gaze landing on Seungmin, he meets your stare and stops his singing to give you a soft smile.

It feels like an eternity has passed until you find yourself in the apartment again. He sets your heels on the floor near the door and then takes your hand to lead you into your bedroom.

“Are you able to undress yourself or do you need me to help you?”

“Uh uh undress? I? Huh?” You’ve no idea if he’s trying to sleep with you or not but that’s immediately where your mind goes, straight in the gutter.

“To sleep (y/n). Undress yourself to go to sleep,” he clarifies.

Understanding crosses your face and you blurt out, “can I have a hoodie?”

“You want one of my hoodies?”

“Yes?”

“Okay.”

He leaves the room and you strip out of your clothes. You pull on your sleep shorts but leave your bra on before plopping on the bed and covering yourself with a blanket. He comes back shortly with a hoodie in his hand and he hands it to you. You motion for him to turn around and he does so as you pull the hoodie over your head and try to shimmy out of your bra from under it. You clear your throat to give him the all clear and he turns around. He won’t tell you this now but he likes seeing you in his clothes.

“Why’d you ask to borrow one of my hoodies (y/n)?”

“Because I like you. I don’t really know.” You do know, it’s because seeing Talia in one of his hoodies has been bothering you and this was your small way of avenging that, even if the crazy bitch couldn’t see.

He smiles at you and puts his hand on your cheek, “go to sleep, we’ll talk in the morning okay?”

You nod, and he leans in to kiss the cheek that was slapped by Talia.

“I’m sorry she hit you, ” his voice comes out as a whisper.

His face is so close to yours, if you wanted to you could lean into him for a kiss. You look into his eyes and then his lips, then right back to his eyes again. You decide to pull your face away from his and look away, feeling your cheeks warm up and you clear your throat.

“It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Goodnight (y/n).”

“Goodnight Seungmin.”

With that, he leaves and you’re left alone in your room. His singing echoes in your mind as you begin to fall asleep in his hoodie that adorns your body.

When you wake up the next day you feel like absolute shit. Your head is pounding and your stomach is in knots. Although the blinds are closed it’s still way too bright in your room. You lay in bed for a while with your eyes squeezed shut and try to remember the events of last night. Everything is hazy and you can barely remember bits and pieces of it at all. You sigh and slowly begin to sit up on your bed, met with two aspirins and a water bottle on your nightstand. You’re pretty sure Felix would’ve been the one to place those there, you also wouldn’t be surprised if he’s the one who took you home and cared for you. You’d have to thank him later. In the meantime you step out of your room and make way to the bathroom, your face feels gross because you didn’t wash it last night and you desperately need to get the gunk off of you. The apartment smells like pancakes and you rush to take the makeup off.

You enter the bathroom and begin your morning routine, only just now taking note of the hoodie on your body. It isn’t yours, and you’ve never seen Hyunjin or Felix wear it before… In fact it has your high school’s mascot on it. You’re wearing Seungmin’s hoodie. You stare at yourself in the mirror in shock and put your hand to your head, willing yourself to remember what the hell happened last night but nothing is coming except for panic. You need to speak to Felix as soon as humanly possible in order to get the full story on what went on after your conversation with Hyunjin. Suddenly there’s a knock at the bathroom door and you go to open it, only to be met with Kim Seungmin himself, signature smile on his face and a plate of pancakes in his hand. He takes your hand and leads you into the kitchen all the while explaining how Felix helped him make pancakes this morning.

To say that you’re confused is an understatement and you can barely register anything that’s coming out of Seungmin’s mouth. He sits you down on the couch and asks if you want some syrup on your pancakes. You nod dumbly and he leaves you. Felix is sitting on the ground with his plate of pancakes resting on the coffee table, he’s smirking at you with an eyebrow raised.

“Felix what happened last night?!” you whisper to him, trying so hard to be quiet but you can’t hide the panic seeping into your voice.

“Just ask Seungmin about it,” Felix states smugly.

“Ask him what? I don’t even know what I don’t know dude help me out here!”

He chuckles but doesn’t say anything, instead biting into his pancakes as he watches Seungmin come back with the syrup and some coffee for you.

“I think I read online somewhere that coffee is good for a hangover so I made you some coffee,” he sets the mug on the table and you don’t have the heart to tell him that you’re more of a tea person than a coffee person.

You clear your throat, “so uhh speaking of hangovers… What the hell happened last night?” you ask, refusing to look at Seungmin out of embarrassment.

“You don’t remember?” you shake your head no.

“Well you got pretty drunk, Talia hit you, I took you home and now you’re here, eating pancakes. Are they good by the way? The kitchen looks a bit of a mess because I tried making them by myself at first until Felix stepped in to help.”

Wait wait wait… what?

“Talia hit me?!”

“Yeah she… she did do that…” he cringes.

“Why did she hit me?!”

“I’m not really too sure of that actually,”.

“Did I at least hit her back?!”

“No you uh almost fell at the impact, that’s why I took you home,”.

“You took me home? Not Felix or Hyunjin?”

“Yeah,”.

“Why?” This was possibly the longest conversation you’ve ever held with him while sober, because Lord only knows what the fuck you could’ve possibly said to him last night.

“Because I care about your well being. You looked like you were going to cry last night and considering how she’s someone I know I felt like I had to be the one to take care of you,”.

Without thinking you go, “your girlfriends a bitch Seungmin,” and oddly that phrase seems very familiar coming out of your mouth.

Felix almost chokes on his pancake as he begins to laugh and you feel your face go hot for blurting out such a rude (albeit true) comment. Seungmin's smile widens and he simply shakes his head in amusement, “don’t worry, she’s not my girlfriend, I’m not interested in her like that.”

You feel relief flood into your chest and your heart flutters when he’s looking at you like that. You swallow down some more pancakes and ask what’s been weighing down your mind, “did I say anything that could be considered… regrettable at all last night?”

You see Felix staring at Seungmin intently. Of course he knows what happened, the second he saw Seungmin in the kitchen cooking he knew something was up. The boy never cooks, and he almost burned down the kitchen while attempting to do so. As he helped him he got the full scoop on what happened and what you finally admitted. Felix was very curious to see what Seungmin would say.

“No no of course not. Nothing you said was regrettable at all, trust me,” he takes your finished plate from your hands and gestures to the coffee so that you can drink some of it before he comes back from the kitchen. The taste is bitter in your mouth but you do appreciate the effort he went to in order to make you feel better. Suddenly you’re reminded of your best friend that you hadn’t seen at all this morning.

“Where’s Jinnie?” you ask Felix.

“Yeji took him to her apartment to take care of him.”

“Is he okay?”

“He’s probably as hungover as you but he’s fine,” Felix chuckles.

You sip on your coffee slowly, once again trying to will the memories back into your brain. Some things become a little clearer, like the conversation you had with Hyunjin which makes you cringe internally. You also remember seeing Talia kiss Seungmin, and you know that’s why you got as drunk as you did, but for the life of you you just can’t remember her hitting you, or Seungmin walking you home, or how you found yourself in his clothes.

“Let’s go out today (y/n)!” Seungmin’s voice catches you off guard and you stare at him with an open mouth and wide eyes.

“L-l-like all of us? You, me and Felix go out together? As a group?”

Felix shakes his head at you, “I’m actually gonna hang out with Bang Chan today, I think he’s introducing me to the guy who helps them choreograph their stages. Lee Know I believe? He’s a student here too,”.

“Oh… Well what about Hyunjin, do you want to wait for Hyunjin to come home first and then we can all go out together,” you know you should be over the moon that Seungmin wants to hang out with you but the panic that he causes just by being in your vicinity freaks you out, you just don’t think you’re ready to be alone with him.

Felix shakes his head once again and tells you that he’s going to be with Yeji for the rest of the day and probably won’t be back until tomorrow. This leaves you no choice but to have to hang out with Seungmin one on one. You swallow the lump in your throat and stand up, saying that you’re gonna to start getting ready only to be cut off by Seungmin stating that, “you should keep the hoodie on, it looks good on you.” At this point the blush should be living on your cheeks permanently.

You get ready and find Seungmin waiting for you in the living room, this time Felix is nowhere to be found and you could really use some encouraging words from him right now. Alas, you will have to make do with your anxiety as Seungmin leads you out of the apartment and you begin to walk aimlessly. You try to ask him where you’re going but he just smiles and tells you it’s a secret. Once again, you’re left pondering what it is you said to him last night to have him act this way towards you. You’re waiting at the bus stop with him and once aboard the bus you find that it’s pretty packed with people. You stand with Seungmin behind you, he’s holding onto your waist so that you don’t fall over when the bus hits a bump on the road. His hands on you feel way too intimate, and you want to squirm away from his touch but you know you’d definitely fall without his hands on you.

Once the bus reaches its destination Seungmin removes his hands from your waist and instead holds one of your hands in his. Your hand in his feels so familiar, you can only assume he held onto you like this when you went home last night. He leads you down the street and babbles about how he’s so excited to show you his surprise. His excitement is contagious and you can’t help but to feel bubbly inside watching the way that he speaks to you, you don’t even notice that you’ve reached your destination until he makes a wide gesture to the building in front of you.

“Ta da~”

It’s a pottery barn, he took you to a pottery barn. You can’t help the giggle that escapes you and you ask him why you’re here.

“Well you broke the mug that you made the other day so I thought we could make some new ones. Together.” The statement makes your heart flutter and you feel nothing but admiration for the boy in front of you.

“I’m gonna get your hoodie dirty though,” you say, feeling a little guilty about it.

“You mean you’re gonna get your hoodie dirty,” he says with a smirk.

“What do you mean?”

“You can have my hoodie. I think it looks a lot better on you than it does on me,”.

The statement has you frazzled. He used to wear this thing all the time back in high school, you’re surprised he would even think of giving it to you. You stutter out an okay and he tugs you into the pottery barn, excited to be able to share this experience with you.

While you’re confused by the whole situation, Seungmin is more than happy to just finally get to know the cute girl living in his apartment. He had always wondered if he did something wrong to you, maybe said something that caused offense but he was never able to pull you away long enough from Hyunjin to get the answer. Then he heard the fight that ensued after Talia had left the apartment, he also heard Hyunjin’s confession and ultimately heard that you had feelings for him and not your best friend. He allowed you a few days to breathe and get over that situation, as he didn’t want to overwhelm you with his presence. He couldn’t help but to think that everything about you was intriguing to him, and from the minute he laid eyes on you he felt a sense of comfort to know that there was someone from his past here with him. It was unfortunate for him when you acted like you had no idea who he was and it had wounded him a bit. He tried to interact with you on many occasions but you either ran away from him as fast as possible, or you were being smothered by Hyunjin. He wanted to get to know you, the you he didn’t get to interact with back in the day, and the new you that was now living with him. Although he could let you know about the confession you made last night, he also wanted you to admit your feelings with sober thoughts. He wanted to allow himself to fall for you the way you had already fallen for him.

Your time in the pottery barn was eventful to say the least. It was really just a whole mess and making a mug was just as difficult as the first time you made one. Once you finished you ended up with a lopsided looking mug while Seungmin’s was near perfect, because of course it was. But you both had a lot of fun while doing it, the anxiety was still there but he was doing everything he could to make you comfortable. There were a few times when he’d flirt with you and it was flustering, but every time he’d tell you that you looked cute when you were flustered. You both even decided to paint the mugs and he thought it would be funny to get some paint on your face. He dipped a finger in the blue and then poked you right on the cheek. The paint war that ensued was almost enough to get the both of you kicked out, but you both managed to pull it together long enough to finish painting the mugs.

You both looked like messes with clay on your clothes and paint on your skin, but Seungmin didn’t seem to care which was surprising to you. In all your time living with him you had taken note of the fact that he kept himself and his spaces very clean and tidy. Yet at this moment he looks perfectly content with looking as messy as he is. You offer to go back to the apartment to tidy up but he brushes off the idea, he doesn’t want this to be the end of the day yet. Instead he takes you back onto the bus and into a nearby park. It’s a beautiful day for a walk and it gives him an excuse to brush his hand against yours every now and again just to see you blush.

You spend most of the walk in a comfortable silence, glancing at each other every now and again. You never knew how big of a flirt he was, everytime he caught you staring at him he’d wink at you and bump you with his shoulder. It was nice, just being in his presence without feeling like you were going to melt into a puddle. The two of you pass by some flowers growing along the trail and he picks one, stopping you by holding onto your hand and then getting close to you so that he can place the flower in your hair.

“It’s almost as pretty as you,” his voice comes out softly, like he’s afraid of scaring you off.

You laugh nervously and back away from him, deciding to continue on the trail and ignoring what just happened for the sake of your heart. However, you don’t let go of his hand and he doesn’t let go of yours either. It’s confusing for you because you’ve no idea what happened in the span of 24 hours to make him want to be with you in this way. Although you can’t complain you do wonder what his intentions are.

Soon enough your walk is over and you’re both heading home, riding on the bus you both manage to snag some seats and don’t have to stand anymore. He lets you sit by the window and you rest your head against the cool glass, but he pokes you and tells you that you can rest your head on his shoulder if you want. You do so, it’s sweet and intimate and turns even more so when he puts his hand in yours again. You’re sure that if anyone were to look at the both of you then they’d think you were a couple, and that makes your heart flutter. He hums a song that only you two can hear and you feel your eyes begin to droop. You don’t want to fall asleep, this moment feels like it’s one of a kind, but the way his thumb is stroking your hand, you can’t help but to drift off into a light sleep.

Seungmin wears a smile on his face. He’s enjoyed his time with you, and he’s wondering if you remember anything from last night at all. He thinks that he may need to bring it up, cautiously of course. He looks down at you and can see your sleeping face, eyelashes resting prettily on your cheeks and mouth slightly agape. He can’t help but to take a selfie with your sleeping head on his shoulder, you just look too cute to not immortalize in a picture forever.

When you reach the bus stop back home he shakes you awake lightly, you’re slightly embarrassed because you accidentally fell asleep on him but he assures you that he doesn’t mind. With your hand still in his he takes you to the coffee shop across the street from your apartment. You both order your drinks and a couple of pastries, you try to take your wallet out to pay for your portion but he stops you and pays for it all. He’s such a gentleman, and if this was an anime your eyes would be very big hearts right now. You both take your seats and he begins the conversation.

“Have you had a good time today?”

“Yeah actually, today’s been really nice. Thank you for taking me to the pottery barn. That was such a sweet gesture,”. He counts it as a success that you’re able to say that sentence without stuttering or looking away.

“Do you mind if I can have your mug?”

You giggle, “why would you want it, it’s so ugly!”

“It has character! Besides I’ll give you mine if you give me yours,”.

“Now why would you give me your mug Kim Seungmin?”

“It’s only fair don’t you think? Besides I know every time I use your mug I’ll be able to remember the day we’ve had, and all the times I’ve made you blush,”.

As if on cue, you begin to blush. He chuckles lightheartedly at your reaction and takes a sip of his coffee.

“Has anything from last night come to you by chance?”

“No actually I really was that drunk. I’m sorry if I ended up being a pain to you. I do really appreciate the fact that you took care of me,”.

“Mmm don’t mention it, it’s what any good person would do for their roommate. I only ask because you told me something rather interesting and I was hoping you’d remember,”.

That sentence was possibly the quickest way to get you to panic. All day you had been trying so hard to figure out what the hell happened. Even Talia hitting you was a blur you couldn’t remember, now you’re expected to remember a conversation that was intriguing enough for Seungmin to be asking you about? You shook your head no with worry etched on your face.

“You told me you knew me from high school,”.

“I what?!” Your voice raises slightly and you feel a few people stare in your direction, you mutter an apology and look back at Seungmin, asking once again, “I what?”

“I know you from high school too,”. Your eyes go big like saucers and you can’t believe what you’re hearing.

“You what??” It registers in your mind that Seungmin has known who you were this entire time, and you had no idea. You had stupidly assumed that he’d have no recollection of you considering how you never spoke to each other in high school. You should’ve known better than to just think he’d have no idea who you were. You don’t know what to say, you can only sit there looking like a fish out of water.

For his part, he does what he can to calm you down a bit. Making the conversation more lighthearted and deciding to recount the memories he had of high school. He tells you the stories of what he had been up to at the time and encourages you to do the same. You slowly find yourself opening up about that time in your life, and he seems so interested that you can almost shake off the worry that you feel. Almost, but not entirely. That little tidbit of information was something you never thought you would divulge, especially not to him. You can’t help but to wonder what else you could’ve said to him that would be considered a pretty big deal. He had told you in the morning that you didn’t say anything regrettable, but the knot in your stomach tells you otherwise. Throughout your conversation that worry plagues the back of your mind.

Eventually you both finish your coffee and your pastries and decide to head back home. It’s funny how it feels like he’s walking you home, even though he lives in the same apartment that you do, but it’s cute nonetheless. Before walking through the door he stops you with a hand to your arm and tells you that he hopes he can hang out with you like this again. You agree with him and tell him that you’ve enjoyed your time with him, and that you're happy you can have a friendship with him. You cringe internally when you utter the word “friendship” because you know that you want more than that with him, but you also feel like it’s a little too soon to admit your feelings for him.

You both head into an empty apartment. You knew Hyunjin wouldn’t be back home again, but are surprised to see that Felix isn’t back. Seungmin takes this as an opportunity to ask if you would like to watch a movie with him and you agree, but only if he lets you take a shower first. You desperately need to get the clay and paint off of you, and to throw his hoodie in the washer as soon as possible. You're in and out pretty fast and once you head into your room to change into pajamas you find another hoodie on your bed. It’s cute how he’s so willing to give you his clothes, even though you didn’t ask for it. Deciding to entertain him you pull the hoodie on as well as the rest of your clothing and then head into the living room, waiting for him to come out.

You scroll through Netflix aimlessly and chew on your nails deep in thought. You don’t hear Seungmin come out until he’s right next to you on the couch, slinging an arm around your shoulder and asking you what you picked out. He also takes note of your attire, and you don’t see the blush that forms on his cheeks caused by seeing you in his clothes. The movie you pick out isn’t anything worth writing home about, and you spend a majority of the time overthinking your proximity to him.

With the day having been as eventful for you as it was you soon find yourself leaning into him and falling right back asleep, he lets you lay against him and pulls you in closer. He too begins to doze off with you snug in his arms. Felix comes in a couple hours later and sees the sight of you and Seungmin cuddled up on the couch together. He grabs a blanket and lays it over the both of you (he also snaps a picture because he thinks that you’re so cute together). He debates whether or not to let Hyunjin know of your development with Seungmin, torn because he knows of his feelings. He’s not sure if Hyunjin would be happy for you or devastated by the news. He tugs his bottom lip between his teeth for a bit and decides that it’s probably best if the news came from you instead. With that he heads into his room, just praying for the best when Hyunjin walks into the apartment tomorrow morning.

You wake up Sunday morning in Seungmin’s arms, he’s still asleep and you can’t help but to admire how peaceful he looks. It almost feels like you’ve been stuck in a dream that you don’t want to wake up from. It’s hard to believe you spent the entire day together and didn’t somehow explode from the anxiety you’d had all day. You rest your head against him once again and stay there, fully content. You watch particles of dust dance in the light that filters through the apartment and you remind yourself that this is real. You aren’t in a movie, or a storybook, this is your life.

The door to the apartment opens and you look up to see Hyunjin walking through it. He stares straight at you and the confusion on his face is clear as day. Seeing you asleep on the couch with Seungmin was the last thing he was expecting to see on this fine Sunday morning. You feel like you owe it to him to explain the situation, and as much as it pains you, you leave the comfort of Seungmin’s arms and gesture for Hyunjin to follow you. Once in your room you sit on the bed and he follows in your footsteps.

You take a deep breath, unsure of where to start. To be fair, you’re not even sure what the hell happened even though you just lived through it.

“Just tell me what happened (y/n),” and although he looks well rested, he sounds very tired. He doesn’t want to have this conversation any more than you do, but you both understand that it’s necessary.

“We just hung out I guess, we spent the day together and it was really nice. I got to know him and he got to know me,”.

“Was it a date?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so? He never said it was…”

“Did you kiss him?”

The question makes your face warm, but you answer with a simple no.

“Does he know about your feelings?”

“I never told him that I have them,” which is true, yet you are beginning to wonder if Seungmin does actually know that you have a crush on him.

“(y/n)”

“Yes?”

“Kiss me,” you know he’s not messing around or trying to pull a joke on you. The face he’s making is serious and his eyes are intense. He means it when he says he wants you to kiss him.

“W-w-why??” You can’t help the stutter, you’re just so surprised he’d even suggest it.

“I need to know that you don’t love me the way that I love you. I need to know because the one time we did kiss it felt like you could feel that way about me. I have to know that there’s nothing between us,” his voice is desperate and you can see the quiver in his lip. Oh how short lived your fairytale is when you see your best friend about to break down. You get it though, you know what it feels like to love someone and have it be unrequited, or unreciprocated. You understand the pain he feels because you’ve lived it for so long. If the tables were turned you know he’d let you kiss him. It’s because of that simple fact that you find yourself nodding your head, giving him your consent.

You lean in slowly, all the while looking into his eyes. His eyes switch between looking into yours and looking down at your lips. You bring your hand up to cup his cheek and his hands find a home on your waist. This is it. This is the truth. Your lips find his and you close your eyes. You both move slowly, afraid of the boundary of friendship that feels like it could tumble at any second. His lips are soft on yours, and the grip he has on your waist tightens while your hand moves from his cheek to the back of his neck, drawing him in closer. You can feel his desperation as the kiss deepens, his tongue finds its way into your mouth, and you can’t deny how good it feels. His love, his passion, his pain, and his desperation it all radiates into the kiss but you just don’t feel the same. You love him, but not the way he wants you to.

You pull away and rest your forehead against his, you’re both breathing deeply, trying to catch your breaths that were whisked away from the intensity of the kiss. When you finally look up at him you can see the tears in his eyes, there’s wetness on his cheeks and you know that he knows. There truly is nothing there. You brush your thumbs under his eyes to collect the tears that are falling, and find yourself getting choked up as well. You try so hard to keep the tears in, but seeing him so sad hurts your heart. Now you’re both crying into each other as he pulls you into him for a hug. You always knew it’d be so easy to fall in love with him, but you also knew that your heart would never let you, and now he knows it too. It hurts, but it’s necessary. You stay in each other’s embrace for a while, letting the tears flow freely until you’ve both calmed down.

This time he’s the first to pull away, but he holds your hand in his and begins to speak, “I don’t want to lose you because of this,”.

“I don’t want to lose you either, but we both know you need some space away from me. At least until you’re okay again,”.

He smiles at you sadly, eyes still glossy and red from his tears, “I think I’ll always love you.”

“I’ll always love you too Jinnie,” he nods at the promise and squeezes your hand in his.

It’s true. The both of you will always hold love for each other and his crush on you will never change that. You know Hyunjin will find someone who will wholeheartedly fall in love with him, and even though he wanted that person to be you, he knows it never could be. With time he’ll learn to fall out of love with you, but he’ll never stop loving you in the way he did before his crush developed.

The moment is bittersweet but you're happy that you’ve given him the freedom to move on, even if that means he needs to be away from you for a little bit. He leaves the room and you’re left alone, staring into space and just wondering where to go from here.

A knock sounds at your door and you tell whoever it is to come in. You’re surprised to see that it’s Seungmin stepping into your room. His hair is a little messy and you can see the sleep in his eyes, the smile he wears is soft and he asks you why you left his arms. You explain to him that you needed to have a conversation with Hyunjin and although you don’t tell him what your conversation consisted of he understands regardless. He suggests drinking some coffee from your new mugs and you say you’d rather have some tea. He nods at you and reaches his hand out for you to take, you hold his hand bashfully and he leads you into the kitchen. It almost feels like you’ve done this together a million times before, working together in the kitchen without clumsily bumping into each other the way you usually do when you’re with Hyunjin or Felix.

You spend the rest of your Sunday with Seungmin, saying goodbye to Felix when he leaves, and giving Hyunjin a long hug when he decides to go out as well. You don’t know what kind of friendship you’re beginning to have with Seungmin, but you’re happy to be spending time with him again. Sunday is spent with a lot of cuddles, talking and laughter and it’s the best Sunday you’ve had in a very long time.

Each day you find yourself spending more time with Seungmin. His presence in your life is wonderful and you love being around him. Since you and Hyunjin are kind of on a break you don’t get to walk with him from class to class anymore so Seungmin offers to walk with you instead. You also find yourself studying with him, even though your majors are completely different. You’ve seen Talia once and she looked pretty bad, scratch marks on her face and you’re pretty sure she lost a clump of hair on the back of her head. She doesn’t even look at you when she sees you and can’t help but to ask Seungmin about what the hell happened to her. He informs you that Yeji is the reason behind her injuries and you make a mental note to thank Yeji the next time you see her.

Seungmin on the other hand, also really enjoys having you around him. Every time he sees you in an article of his clothing he finds himself blushing madly. His intention was to get to know you and if he fell for you then that’d be an added bonus, but he never realized how hard he’d fall for you. The way you smile, the way you laugh, the funny way you sneeze, and the adorable way you still blush when he jokingly flirts with you, you make it so easy for him to fall. He’s subtle about his feelings but it’s enough for both Hyunjin and Felix to catch on, and on a day you’ve decided to hang out with Yeji and her roommates, they sit him down in the living room to have a talk.

“If you hurt her, you’re dead,” says Hyunjin.

“And homeless,” chimes in Felix.

Seungmin gets the message loud and clear, and assures his two roommates that he would never hurt you.

For Hyunjin’s part the pain lessens as time moves on. Seeing you happy is what’s most important to him and the way that Seungmin makes you smile is enough for him to let you go. He can see the way that you’re perfect for each other. He doesn’t hold resentment towards you, and he doesn’t feel jealous of Seungmin, he’s truly so happy for you. He even begins to tell you that he better be your bridesmaid at the wedding, and he’s not joking either. This of course prompts an entire conversation between the two of you where you state that Seungmin isn’t into you like that, and Hyunjin states that you’re blind and dumb. The conversation ends in a fit of giggles for the both of you, and it gives you the hope that maybe Seungmin does feel something more than friendship for you.

One bright and sunny Friday Seungmin approaches you before your morning classes and asks if you could play hooky with him for the day. The offer comes as a surprise for you, since he never misses a class and he’s a very responsible student. Of course you agree and once you do he breaks into a huge smile, and he allows you the time you need to get ready. Something about today feels different for you, and you feel the butterflies in your stomach. You pull on a nice summer dress and meet him in the hallway. He looks at you and you can see the admiration behind his eyes. You try to write this off as him just really appreciating your beauty as a friend instead of something more. You don’t want to get your hopes up too much. He takes your hand in his and brings you close to him, “you look beautiful (y/n).

You can’t help but to believe him.

The day begins in the café, the same one you guys went to on your very first hangout. It’s the same one you both go to all the time now to study together. The barista has grown so used to seeing the both of you that if you ever come without him she always wonders, “hey where’s your boyfriend?” The question leaves you flustered every time. You’re sure she’s hoping that one day you affirm that he’s your boyfriend, and not just a friend you have a huge crush on. Today you see her and she begins to ring up the drinks you regularly get, and as per usual, Seungmin pays for the both of you.

Once seated you begin your questioning, curious as to what he has planned for today.

“Any reason why we’re hanging out today and not tomorrow like we usually do,” you ask before taking a sip of your tea.

“We’re not hanging out,” he tries to contain the smirk on his face.

“Then what do you call this?” You gesture between the two of you, unsure of the point he’s trying to make.

“A date.”

“A date?”

“Yup”

“I don’t recall you asking me on a date Kim Seungmin. I specifically remember you asking me to play hooky with you,” needless to say, as you’ve grown closer to him you’ve also allowed him to see your sassy personality. Before you would’ve never been able to speak to him like this, but now you only feel blush coming to the tips of your ears, rather than your entire face.

He lets out that laugh you love so much and simply asks, “Well then (y/n), will you go on a date with me?”

You pretend to think hard about his answer, putting your chin in your hand and looking at the ceiling truly trying to ponder your response. You definitely want to be on this date with him, but you also want to tease him too.

He continues to laugh and reaches for the hand that’s on your chin, pulling it away from you and bringing it to his lips. He presses a gentle kiss to your knuckles and asks once again, “(y/n) will you please go on a date with me?”

You can’t help the gasp of breath that escapes you when his lips touch your hand, and you’d give anything to have his lips on yours instead. He’s rendered you speechless, in this game of teasing he knows he’ll always win, and you know it too. Instead of answering him you nod your head dumbly in response. He kisses your hand once again and brings it back down to the table, but he doesn’t let you go.

You gather your bearings and ask him what his plans are for this date.

“It’s a surprise,”.

“I’m not too fond of surprises,”.

“I know, but you’ll be fond of this one. Trust me,”. And you do, you trust him.

After the cafe he takes you to an art museum downtown. You hadn’t noticed before but he has his camera slung around his neck and he takes pictures of you every now and again. He claims that you’re more beautiful than any piece of art in this place, and the statement has you rolling your eyes. He’s a flirt, he’s a tease, but most of all he’s so damn cheesy. You love it all the same. If he’s not taking pictures of you then he either has your hand in his or his arm around your shoulders. His touch on you is something you’ve grown used to, so the hold he has on your hand feels more comforting than anxiety inducing, while the arm around your shoulders fills your insides with warmth.

You wander around the museum and you can’t help but to look up at Seungmin from time to time. It is cheesy but it’s true, he’s a piece of art and you could look at him forever. At one point he catches you staring at him, he smiles down at you and then presses a kiss to the top of your forehead. Behind you, you can hear an elderly woman tell her husband that she remembers how he would look at her like that back in the day, and she swoons over the young love that she sees between the two of you. It makes him chuckle, and you look away from him with a stupid grin on your face.

After the museum he takes you to a park. It’s reminiscent of the park you went to on your first hangout but it’s not the same place. You can’t complain though, it’s nice to be able to see the cityscape from where you’re walking. He clears his throat and begins to speak to you.

“We never really talked much about the night I took you back home,”.

“Yeah I know. I figured it would be best to let whatever embarrassing thing I said just die and be forgotten,” he hums in acknowledgement.

“There’s something you told me that night that I’ve been thinking about lately,”.

“Well we already talked about how you knew who I was all along. What else could I have said?”

“You said you’ve been in love with me since high school,”.

That sentence stopped you dead in your tracks. A million thoughts are racing through your head, but the most prominent one being he didn’t run away. He knew about your feelings all along and yet never made you feel uncomfortable, never made fun of you and never hurt you with the information you had apparently given to him while you were drunk. He pulls you along with him and sits you on a bench. He waits for you to say something, knowing that you’re probably trying really hard to figure out what to do or what to say. Seungmin has so many things he could say to you right now, but he knows he dropped a bomb on you, and he wants to make sure you’re okay.

“I don’t really know what to say to that…” because you don’t, what the hell are you supposed to say, what’s the reaction he’s expecting from you? It’s embarrassing that he’s known all along and is just now bringing it to your attention.

“Say you still feel the same,” his voice is soft, and his eyes look hopeful. It catches you off guard.

“You want me to… What?”

“I want you to say that you still feel the same way, I know that’s what I feel,”.

“Are you confessing to me?!” Your voice pitch raises a few octaves. In the back of your mind you always knew that there was a slight chance that maybe Seungmin would develop an interest in you. It was always possible, especially considering the amount of time the two of you had been spending together. Yet, you always pushed the thought away, not wanting to give yourself too much hope, just be let down in the end.

He gathers both your hands in his and looks you in the eyes, “I’ve fallen for you so hard, I don’t know when it happened, but it’s not hard for me to understand how or why,” he let’s go of one of your hands and brings it to your cheek instead. He pulls himself closer to you and it’s like you’re the only two people in the world. In this moment it’s you, him, and the beauty of the city that is bustling around you. This is better than any dream you could ever have, because this is real. He speaks once again, “I wanted to give myself the time to fall for you, in the same way you fell for me. I almost wish that we could’ve gotten to know each other in high school, because the way that we fit so well it’s almost unreal,” his thumb begins to stroke your cheek softly. He’s so close to you that you can feel his breath on your lips. You’re tired of waiting, and you’re tired of holding back so… you kiss him.

Yes, you kiss him. It even catches him by surprise and you can hear the hitch in his breath. This is what you’ve wanted since you first laid eyes on him all those years ago. You fell for him your freshman year of high school, you continued to fall for him every year after that. Now you have him, his lips are on yours and he’s real. This isn’t some dream turned nightmare, he actually wants you.

When you kiss there’s a spark that was never there when you kissed Hyunjin. Seungmin’s kiss is different, it’s light and happy. You may not be drunk but his kiss is intoxicating and it takes your breath away. There’s a blooming in your chest and you feel complete. This is what it feels like to be in love, and to have him love you back. The hand he has on your cheek goes to your waist as he continues to hold your hand in his other. He deepens the kiss only to pull away shortly thereafter.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” his breathing is slightly hard, and yours is as well.

You nod your head and lean into him again, kissing him until you’re running out of air.

It doesn’t fully dawn on either of you that you’re in a very public place until you back away from each other again. He doesn’t really care, he’s happy to be with you. You’re feeling a little shy though, so you ask him if he’d like to go back home. He agrees and soon enough you’re taking the bus back to the apartment. The whole time he’s placing kisses on your shoulder, cheek, or the side of your head. You look at him with so much love and place butterfly kisses to his lips when you know that no ones looking.

When you arrive back to the apartment he’s on you in an instant, once again kissing you like his life depends on it. You kiss him with the same ferocity and lead him into your room. Neither Hyunjin or Felix are home so you don’t have to feel bad about making so much noise. He sits on your bed and places you above him so that you’re straddling him. The make out is intense and heavy but neither of you make the move to go any further. He stays respectful and keeps his hands on your hips, squeezing occasionally when you pull at his hair a little roughly. Although you’d love to have him in every way you can, you also want to take things slow. You both have all the time in the world, there’s no need to rush. He seems to understand this as well and it’s why he isn’t trying to push you any farther. When you break away you rest your forehead against his, and now it’s his turn to leave butterfly kisses along your face. He lays you down on the bed and cuddles you in his arms as he whispers in your ear all the things that drew him to you. His body against yours feels right, like you are two pieces of a puzzle that fit together perfectly. You turn yourself to look him in the eyes and also rattle off all the things you love about him. His smile is beautiful, eyes turning into crescent moons with the way he’s looking at you.

Together you lay in your little eternity, going over all the ways you love each other and all feels right in the world. In this moment, and hopefully in all the moments after this, he’s yours and you’re his.

“(y/n)?”

“Yes Seungmin?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

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asukaskerian · 2 years

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monthly word count - july

TOTAL: 7 111 huh! i'm okayish with this because while there were weeks i didn't write a damn thing i managed to edit and complete two stalled oneshots AND two stuck multiparts. progress was made! POSTED -What Brings Us Together (1 721 words) madara/tobirama externally-enforced marriage, some-kind-of-ace!tobirama. Oneshot, complete. -match & mix (715 words) gen, founders, DBZ fusion as a naruto-verse tradition. Oneshot, complete. IN PROGRESS -days on a wire chapter 7 (2 299 words) mada/tobi/izu ABO YEEEE PROGRESSSSSS. >:E -howling outside your door (101 words) bleach pack fuckening ABO - gonna delete most of it, redundant -bleach suburban ot4 (2 005 words) (grimmichinelhime being bi disasters) -bloodsport chapter 4 (131 words) grimmichi in space -- gonna have to delete everything, ain't working. :/ -the thirteenth hour (139 words) tobirama fucks with time to get his brothers back. (why do i keep getting distracted writing this fic. is there a reason my brain doesn't wanna. hhh.)

cherry wine ABO -- Izuna took his stance and braced for impact. (No sword, no jutsu, somehow believing -- how? -- that Tobirama would offer him the same consideration.) They crashed straight on, forearm to forearm; Tobirama's superior weight and his momentum shoved Izuna back, but he'd been expecting it and rolled backwards, catching his sleeveless gi by the collar and using it to flip him along. They rarely used pure hand-to-hand against each other and it wasn't hard to remember why; with the Senju's greater muscle mass and no sharp-edged equalizer it was like wrestling Madara, but he only needed to hold on to this whirlwind of elbows and feet long enough for Madara to -- Tobirama slipped out of his gi, leaving it behind in Izuna's hand, and dived through the door. Madara landed with both heels striking hard on the spot he'd just vacated, growling high and eager, and chased. Izuna followed, the shirt in hand. (He wasn't about to leave it in Higashi's room.) For a long and silly moment they just circled the garden from inside the house, dodging around tables and leaping silently over precious vases, and Izuna wondered -- hoped -- if the both of them were just enjoying it, too, just enjoying the movement and the play of their own muscles under the skin and the anticipation. If Madara was enjoying the sight of the mesh shirt on bare skin, the lines of his back, if Tobirama wanted -- Tobirama passed through the front room, and casually tossed his shoes in the entryway. That infuriating asshole. Incensed, Izuna leaped over Madara with a burst of speed, ricocheted off a wall, barely avoiding planting his feet on a hanging scroll, slingshotted himself around a pillar, and flew heels first at his unprotected back. -- suburban ot4 - grimm&hime -- Orihime laughs, swallows her nerves. "Well, I like my father in law! He's friendly and laid back and generally pretty nice, and if you need help he'll be here in a flash and never mention it afterwards!" His eyes are so piercing. "Yeah, but?" "But he also thinks men who are manly don't actually have feelings about other men. Like, father and son feelings, or friend feelings, or anything. I mean, he knows they have them but they can't say it! It has to be a joke or a jibe or friendly brawling or whatever. So then we had Kazui, and Ichigo was trying to tell him it was okay to feel your feelings, while thinking somehow it wasn't okay for him. And he's not good at being a hypocrite! So. It was hard." It might be hard the same way for Grimmjow-san, she thinks, if they have a son too. "... Yeah," he says reluctantly, like he's thinking the same thing. "And your da -- your brother?" Same thing, she wants to say, and her throat tightens briefly, thinking of Sora. She thinks it always will. It's alright, though. Sora was the best man she's ever known. He gave her good standards. She could talk about him for hours. "I think my brother decided to become nice and sweet just to piss off our parents, honestly! And then he just really committed to it. He was so good." Grimmjow-san snorts a little, like he always does when she swears. Not that she swears a lot -- maybe she should do it more, so he gets used to it? Adopt his dialect, and, hm, embarrassing, but-- "He was just -- a really gentle man." She pauses, brow knitting in thought, weighing her words. "My biological dad's a total asshole though!" The widening eyes she gets in response are so funny. She makes sure to keep her face ultra-serious. "A huge dickbutt. If he was on fire I would not pee on him!" Grimmjow-san starts laughing all at once, rusty-sounding and chest-deep. "Yeah?" "Yeah!" She shrugs. Ugh, he needs to stop being so pretty. "He broke my first bone when I was a toddler, so..." She's a little sorry to sober him up, to end the joyful moment, but the way he looks at her then -- straight on, like he's taking her seriously. "... Hah. Mine waited until I was six. Well, we've got an idea where the bottom of the barrel is, then. Your brother," he says with a hand raised flat over his head, "your dad," and curls forward to touch the floor.

#teaser #ABO quest

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harmfulb1tch · 3 years

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The silly little crush

pairing: Don West x fem!Reader

show: Lost in Space (Netflix)

Warnings: fluff, Jealousy (nothing toxic or obsessive, just insecurity), low-self esteem, panic attack

A/N: First of all… I LOVE JUDY!!! I just needed someone for the mc (main character) to be jealous of. Secondly, sorry for not posting much or following the requests, I write for fun and what I’m feeling to write. Also, Y/N is sort of a character I made, even though the fanfic is still a self-insert and the physical appearance of Y/N can be of your choice, age, profession, love interest and gender have already been set, feel free to imagine otherwise of course! Insert your own pronouns if you’d like! We are all-gender friendly in this blog :) . Age being 23, her profession is biologist/ astrophysic, her gender is female as I already stated on the pairing and her love interest is obviously Don. There is not much content for this character or this show so I wanted to take a step forward and make some fanfics of Don.

It had been months since we had been stranded on a planet god knows where with not many primal resources for human survival. There was no oxygen in the atmosphere, it was cold and damp, not exactly how I imagined what living in space was like. I had worked really hard to get a place aboard a resolute and now I was stranded on an unknown planet with a five person family, a mechanic and a crazy psycho? To be honest, it could’ve been worse. The Robinsons were exceedingly nice to take me in and heal me after the previous crash, they sort of ‘adopted’ me into the family, even if I was a full-grown 23 year old woman. The mechanic turned out to be my room/bed mate and the sweetest man I have ever met, not to mention he is extremely hot in some sort of way I myself can’t fully comprehend, but all the attraction you have for him is fully platonic, plus he would never like me back. I’m pretty sure Judy and him have something going on, which I don’t know why makes me feel sick just thinking about it. It has nothing to do with the age difference that’s for sure, it just makes me feel really angry and sad at times. And the psycho was imprisoned in what was Don’s previous room, so he was moved to my room instead, the only down side of the operation was that I now have a chicken living on my room pooping everywhere

“Jupiter 2 calling Y/N, Jupiter 2 calling Y/N!” Penny said, waving a hand over my face, bursting the bubble of thoughts that had formed around me, making me come back to reality and present time. We were playing cards on the Jupiter's main deck in our free time.

“Uh yeah sorry, um… do you have a two?” I wasn’t really paying attention to our game anymore, my mind was racing too much for me to think about anything else apart from the previously mentioned mechanic.

“No, nope! You’re going to tell me what the hell is going on in that head of yours” She is very demanding when it comes to other people’s preoccupations, she’s really sweet but do I really trust her with this? It does have to do with her older sister, what if she tells Judy everything I say and then she gets mad at me? It’s just Penny, even though we have kind of an age gap we are really good friends and she talks to me about her problems, why shouldn’t I talk to her about mine? I sighed and proceeded to tell her about my worries.

“Don and Judy.. do they have something going on?” I said shyly trying to look away. “I don’t think so.. why?” In a matter of seconds after asking the question, Penny opened her eyes and mouth taking a sharp breath in while a smirk grew on her face.

“YOU LIKE-!” She shouted, to which I immediately responded by covering her mouth with my hand so she wouldn’t finish the sentence.

“It’s purely platonic alright? It’s just a silly little crush” She looked at me as if she didn’t believe my statement and handed me the two I needed to continue our card game.

Just when we finished talking about me having slight feelings for Don, guess who entered the main deck? Oh surprise! It was Don, well, and Debbie.

“Hey girls, what you up to? Oh I see playing cards huh?” He said placing his hand on my shoulder, I felt as if I had been shocked, but in a good way. I could just respond with a slight blush that covered my cheeks.

“Yes Don, would you like to join us? I’m sure Y/N would love it” Penny said teasingly, shooting that same cheeky smile she had shown me before.

“Penny, I don’t think we should disturb Don. He must be, afterall, really busy.” I said. Not that I didn’t want him to sit next to me and play cards with us, I just really didn’t want to disturb him at his job.

“Yeah I’m sorry girls, I have to go downstairs to help Judy with some stuff. But hey! Maybe next time!” He said patting my shoulder again which gave me a bitter-sweet taste in my mouth, I just looked slightly as he left with a quickened pace. I cursed myself for not insisting on him playing cards with us. Penny looked at me disappointed but with a smug look on her face.

“Wow, you like him A LOT. Relax, they are just friends” she reassured, but I wasn’t really free of preoccupations.

“You know, you are really good at giving love advice for having been dumped not too long ago.” I joked. Penny snickered as she asked if I had a four. We continued playing some rounds until we just got tired and went different ways.

I decided to go downstairs where Don and Judy were to “check if they needed help”. I was worried about myself, I wasn’t the jealous type nor was I toxic, so what was going on? I think I was really into Don and I had lost people I loved before so I didn’t want to lose him. He was nice, really good company, we had a lot in common and he is very attractive. I felt we were a match made in heaven, but the truth was I didn’t feel as if I was worthy of his love. I didn’t feel like I was attractive enough, like I was good enough for him, maybe that’s why I was “jealous”. My insecurities got in the way and I didn’t know how to handle them. It was more of a “me” problem than a “we” problem.

“Hey guys. I heard you were really busy, can I help you with something?” I asked with a smile on my face, hiding my insecurities behind a well-built mask. The nervousness surged, building, climbing up my spine, clinging on my brain giving me a light-headed feeling on my head. I don’t think this was a good sign.

“Uh yeah sure, do you know how to use a blowtorch to weld?” Judy asked with a ‘of course you do’ tone with her characteristic bright smile on her face. I nodded and she handed me the blow torch. She then handed me loose parts of the electric system and told me to arrange them together, the machine had fallen when we crashed so the pieces had flown all into different directions, luckily for us they could find every last piece and now we just had to rearrange them into place.

After a couple of hours, I was about to finish when Judy made a little joke I didn’t catch, her and Don started giggling.

“You are hilarious, princess.” he said. He called her princess? Now I knew they had something going on. Plus, being funny was my thing, not hers. If I was not the funny one, what was I? The answer is I was nothing, I am nothing. I started having a panic attack inside.

“I need to get out of here” I whispered inaudibly to myself, placed the blowtorch on the work desk and hurried out.

“Y/N are you alright?” I heard Judy say from a distance but I didn’t turn around. I went in the opposite direction and headed for the crop section we had built for growing our food.

I was completely freaking out, hyperventilating and tears welled up on my eyes. The thought of Don and Judy wasn’t what scared me. What I was terrified about was that I wasn’t good enough for this mission, I had no qualities and I didn’t have a personality of my own, being funny wasn’t a whole personality, anyone could be funny. And I was no one in this universe, I was no one to Don, the man I had fallen deeply in love with, the man that was so nice to me, that rescued me when I was alone on an stranded planet and who trusted me with our security when no one else would. He was too good for me and I knew it.

My thoughts were interrupted when someone entered the crop tent. And surprise, surprise! It was Don.

“Hey, you alright?” He said sitting next to me putting an arm around me. I sniffed and nodded, lying to him saying that I just had a panic from all the close space and needed to be alone for a while. He asked me if I wanted him to go but I just leaned in to him telling him it was ok and he wrapped me in a close embrace.

“Don?” I asked to get his attention “hmh?” “The thing is, I had a panic attack is because I like a guy. I’ve been thinking about it for the seven months we’ve been stranded here and I don’t know if he likes someone else. Sorry I lied to you but it is just really embarrasing.”

“It’s me right?” he said in a confident tone “Wait, what makes you think that?!” I asked him blushing, really stoked at his guess.

“Come on princess, I’m terribly handsome” he joked and I laughed histerically while he smiled and patted my back. “Not to mention there are only three male pasangers in this Jupiter. Will, John and I. And I don’t think you are either a pedophile or have a crush on a married man so that only leaves me”

“What about someone that is on the Resolute or Alpha Centaury?” It was obviously him but I was scared of rejection so I just had to say that. He looked kind of concerned, almost sad. “It is you Don. But you have something going on with Judy and you can’t be with me. I get it”

“What? Me and Judy don’t have anything going on” “Wait, really?! But I thought- And the giggles down stairs…” I was super confused “She joked because she knows I like you and she said that I was eyeing you a tad bit too much.”

“You like me? why? Ugh I feel so stupid!” I was stunned, I think I had my mouth open at this moment “You are brave, funny, talented, pretty, just my type”

I haven’t been happier in my life than at this moment, I wanted to cry and hug him until he choked for air, well maybe not that much. He started to lean in and I leaned as well. When our lips touched I could taste mint, the bastard might’ve thought this could happen so he brushed his teeth, not that I cared anyway. His lips were soft but dry at the same time, it was a feeling I had waited for too long and I was really glad that it was happening.

After some time we pulled apart because we needed to breathe, obviously. He softly caressed my face with the back of his hand, placing a thumb on my lip sweetly.

“You were right about one thing Don.”

“And what’s that?”

“You are terribly handsome”

#don west #don west lost in space #lost in space #netflix #don west x reader #fanfic #self insert #don west fanfic #don west netflix

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maybege · 3 years

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Work Song

Summary: You meet once again.

Pairing: hot dad!Boba Fett x fem!Reader

Wordcount: 4.2k

Rating: E (18+ only!)

Warnings: explicit sexual content, dom/sub relationship, use of sex toys, dirty talk, consensual degradation and namecalling, multiple orgasms, double penetration, oral sex (m receiving), come play, sexting

When I was pondering which to post (bodyguard!Paz ord hot dad!Boba), I figured: why not both? So tonight I am serving you some delicious hot dad!Boba smut and tomorrow or Tuesday evening you will get the next part of The One! I am really excited to share this with you and as always, feedback is greatly appreciated and I hope you enjoy it!

masterlist | crossposted on AO3

Work was boring.

Or rather, it wasn’t boring but your thoughts kept drifting to much more exciting prospects. Like the next meeting at the motel.

Boba had messaged you that he had gotten scheduled for the midnight calls almost all through the next month and had suggested you meet on Fridays instead. But since Fridays were your yoga course days, and the only real opportunity for you to go out and meet new people and potential friends, that was not an option either. And so, you had remained on Saturdays - even if it meant he wouldn’t get to stay the night.

Even over the phone, you could see the reluctance he had to agree to it. (“I’d prefer if I could buy you breakfast the way I buy you dinner,” had been his exact words to which you had only smiled.)

So now it was Thursday, almost the end of the week, and you could not wait to get back home, to get to the end of the week and into the motel and, most importantly, to Boba.

With a groan, you let your head onto your desk in your cubicle. All around you, you could hear the tapping of the keyboards, people talking, phones ringing, the alarm of the printer going off when there was – once again – not enough paper there. Even sitting at your desk among a sea of people you never felt so alone.

“What are you thinking?” Nat, chewing a piece of gum, popped up on the wall of your cubicle, resting her chin in her hands. You flinched in surprise, looking up at her cheerful face. “Dreaming of mystery man from the bar again?”

If only she knew.

You smiled, “I, uh, I was just checking over these numbers again, I think I might have to start from scratch and ask marketing for the raw numbers.”

Nat popped her gum, clearly disappointed that you did not seem to share any details. “Well, Marketing really needs to get their shit together,” she grumbled, “I had to ask them for the full numbers – twice! – last week. can you believe that? Twice!”

“Now that I have them in front of me, it’s not that hard to believe,” you grinned, leaning back in your chair and looking up at her, “But that is not why you came to talk is it?”

“Well,” she sighed dramatically, sending you a wink, “Since you don’t let me live through your love life – you want to come for drinks this Saturday? Me and the girls want to check out a new restaurant in town, I’m sure you’ll like it.”

“I’d love to but I already have plans,” you declined, your heart skipping a beat at the thought of whom you had plans with, “Maybe next time?”

For a minute, you were afraid that maybe she would be suspicious. That maybe she would keep asking you about Boba and you would have to dodge your questions.

But thankfully, Nat seemed to have completely forgotten all about your love life.

“Sure!” she perked up, throwing a look towards the kitchen, “Wanna do lunch together? I’m starving.”

You nodded, smiling when you heard her basically skipping her way to the kitchen from her cubicle. Grabbing your phone, you went to follow her.

Nat kept talking about one thing or another, completely oblivious to the internal fight you were just hashing out in your head.

Never had your phone looked more menacing.

You did not know when or how exactly but somewhere in the two minutes it had taken to microwave your food, a tiny little thought had manifested itself in your mind.

Boba had asked for your wishes the last time and you had been too nervous to think about them. But surely, with the safety of a screen between you, you would be able to articulate at least some of them?

Then again, would he even want that? After all, it was not Saturday and maybe he did not want to have that kind of contact out of your agreed meeting hours?

You tapped your fingernails on the table top before deciding to just fuck it.

You: I want you to fuck my mouth.

There. It was sent. It was done. You had half a mind to switch your phone off and never look at it again, you felt that embarrassed. But before you could do so you saw how the read notification popped up and now it was like a car crash you couldn’t look away from. Boba had seen it. It was too late now. Shit, what had you done?

Boba: So princess has some dirty wishes after all.

Boba: Any more things you want to try out?

You huffed out a laugh, shaking your head towards Nat who looked at you questioningly. “My friend just sent me something funny,” you waved off while making sure no one would be able to get a look on your phone screen.

Toys. you typed out, I’ve never got to try any and I want to try them all. Want you to use them on me.

Now I’m thinking about getting you a dildo, little one. Maybe even two. One for that tight little kissy and the other to train your mouth.

The implication made you clench your thighs and you took a deep breath, hoping no one would notice how you were almost squirming in your seat.

Lunch forgotten, your eyes were fixed on your phone as the three dots kept moving on the screen. You weren’t really sure if this counted as texting per se but you had never been this explicit with someone over texts and your heart skipped a beat as the next message appeared.

Boba: Does that turn you on?

You: Yes.

Boba: Where are you?

You: On my lunch break. Why?

Boba: Because if you’d been home I’m this close to take a half-day and fuck you silly in your own bed.

You shuddered, your thighs clenching.

I’m this close to going home sick if that’s what awaits me.

The read notification popped up but you saw how he wasn’t online anymore and frowned. You tried to avoid your thoughts of how maybe you had been too forward or too awkward or maybe he thought you were weird now for being willing to go home in the middle of the workday just to get in bed with him. But the truth was you were.

Work was boring today and while you appreciated Nat’s attempts to get talking, you didn’t really feel in the mood to talk. Besides, you knew she was just out to get more info about the bar mystery man as she called him and even though you liked her you really didn’t want to talk about Boba to anyone. So yeah, the thought of being able to go home and be able to feel Boba against you instead of going through the different numbers sounded like heaven to you.

Reluctantly, you got back to your pasta salad, aware that you only had a few minutes on your break left and trying to not spend them checking your phone constantly. How much more pathetic could you be?

“Ready?” Nat asked suddenly beside you as her friends got their dishes into the dishwasher and you nodded with a smile.

“Although when is one ever ready for work?” she asked, faking a British accent and you grinned, pocketing your phone in the pocket of your dress.

“Never,” you replied, “one can just hope it’ll be over soon.”

The dark-haired women turned to you with a conspiratory grin before twirling into her cubicle, leaving you alone to go back to your desk. You stood at the entrance of your cubicle for a moment, eyes roaming over the papers on your desk, ruined with your scribbling as you tried to decipher whatever numbers marketing had sent you.

You rubbed your hand over your face, forcing yourself to smile with the hopes that it would release endorphins or some shit. You could do this. There was no need to feel overwhelmed by this. What would be the first step to make this better?

Typing the email to Brenda from Marketing should not have been as hard as it was. But your mind was swirling with trying to find the right balance between polite and insistent because you could not afford to lose any more hours of work over something that simply could not be worked with.

Just as you were ready to give up, your phone pinged.

Boba: Sorry, business call. But believe me, little one, I can’t wait until this weekend. Would you be okay with me buying some toys for you?

You smiled, answer already ready.

“Shit, little one, you looked so good like that. You like that?”

You gasped for breath, eagerly nodding. A thin layer of sweat had built all over your body as you knelt on the end of the bed. You were so intoxicated by these feelings, by him, it felt like everything was on fire, getting ready to burst.

As soon as he had arrived – you being the first in the room this time around – he had framed your face in his hands and kissed you until you both been breathless. And then he had shown you the toys.

That was how you had ended up here, on the bed, completely naked, moving yourself on one of the dildos he had brought for you.

“Look at you, such a good girl for me, hm?” Boba murmured, his hands moving once again and you choked, tears stinging in your eyes from the effort of trying to relax your throat and keeping your hands behind your back as he had instructed.

Boba had not just brought one toy. He had brought two. And you while you were fucking yourself on one, thighs shaking with the effort, Boba had pushed the other down your mouth. “To train you to take me,” he had rumbled with a glint in his eyes.

A particularly hard thrust down your throat forced you lower on the shaft between your legs and you moaned, tears of pleasure and despair pricking your eyes. He was still completely closed, looking as dominant as ever and you could feel your clit and y our nipples aching wanting to be touched and played with.

You whined, drool slipping down your chin and Boba showed mercy, slowly pulling the toys away from your mouth. “What is it, little one?” he asked, “What’s got you all teary-eyed, hm ?”

“My – my nipples are so sensitive,” you pleaded with him, “Please, please touch them, Boba.”

He grinned darkly, running the tip of the dildo over your wet lips. “So, touch them.”

You shook your head as best as you could, wanting to remind him of the one rule he had set for you but then he pushed the toys back into your mouth. Your back arched as you leant forwards, humming when the dildo shifted inside you and even more so when your chest brushed against the rough material of his shirt.

It was like little pricks of pleasure coursed through you.

Boba looked down at you, the blue dildo still in his hand and you felt heat seep into your cheeks. From shame? Maybe. But all you felt arousal as you saw the admiration in hid ryes.

“How desperate you look,” he mused, his fingers holding your chin, “How pretty. Just for me.”

“Yes,” you gasped, mouth falling open as you sank down on the toys again, your nipples brushing over the harsh fabric, “J-just for you.”

“My pretty little fucktoy,” he smiled, leaning down and kissing you open-mouthed. You gasped into him, pleasure overtaking you and when his hand wandered down to your right nipple, pinching and pulling it sharply, you came. Everything in your body tightening before it felt like you were bursting at the seams, the sudden wave of pleasure making you whimper.

Where you had been so precariously balanced on top of the dildo, now you lost your balance, completely falling against him but Boba was there to catch you.

“Good girl,” he mumbled, his hand still squeezing your tit, “Think you have another round in you?”

Your eyes fell to the very obvious bulge in his pants and you nodded eagerly. Even with your legs still trembling from your orgasm, you were already carving more. More of this, more of him and the pleasure he could give you.

With calloused fingers gently wrapped around your forearm, he helped you up.

You followed willingly, letting him turn around until you were facing the bed, sheets messy where you had kneeled.

“I’m going to let you choose, little one,” he murmured into your ear, his warm body pressed against your back. You could hardly concentrate with your hands on your skin like that, one hand holding you by your throat while the other dipped between your folds. “Which toy do you want to fuck now?”

First, you were disappointed that apparently you did not get to fuck yourself on his cocks but then his finger swiped over your clit and you shuddered.

“Answer me, princess,” he growled, his hand slightly tightening on your throat, “Or are you too cockdumb already?”

“Nuh-uh,” you tried to shake your head just as much as your legs were shaking from the pleasure he was giving you. You tried to focus on the toys. The one you had used already and the one he had had you suck off. The blue one was glistening from your juices and your thighs clenched at the thought of having it inside you again.

But the other one, the purple one, was much thicker than the blue and you knew it was closer to what Boba’s cock actually felt like.

“The purple one,” you murmured, head leaning back against his shoulder and he mouthed at your neck, humming in satisfaction.

“You’re so kriffing sexy, you know that?” he whispered, planting a playful bite on your shoulders before leaving you alone in the middle of the room. You whined, pressing your thighs together as you saw him so meticulously prepare for what seemed to be the next scene he had had in mind.

With a soft towel spread on the floor in front of the armchair, Boba looked at you as he sat down, legs spread wide before planting the dildo on the towel. “I think good girls deserve a treat,” he murmured, working on his pants before getting his weeping cock out and you swore your knees were that close to giving out underneath you.

You gaped at him, practically falling on your knees with your hands placed on his thighs. The impact made a dull sound and your heart skipped a beat as he immediately leant forward, fingers gripping your chin as he searched your face for any sign of pain.

“I know you’re eager to suck my cock, little one,” he smirked, “But no need hurting yourself over it, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you breathed, feeling a little embarrassed for how needy you were being.

Boba smirked, leaning back in his seat but not before running the pad of his thumb over your bottom lip. Your eyes flicked down to his weeping cock, your mouth watering at seeing how a drop of precome had already collected at the tip.

Without thinking any further, you sank down on the dildo, mouth falling open at how it stretched you. You ducked down, closing your lips around his shaft and taking him as deep as he would go in one smooth movement.

Boba groaned loudly above you, one hand going to the back of your neck to keep you there. Just like your pussy, he filled your throat completely, your tongue feeling as if it was running out of space so you did your best to press it against the underside of him, wriggling along the prominent vein he had there.

Tears gathered in your eyes again and you moaned as the toy inside you hit a spot the previous one couldn’t. Your hips stuttered, slowly starting to grin against it in hopes of it hitting that spot again. You did not move your mouth from him.

“Fuck you look good like that,” he praised you, his free hand coming around your throat and you tried to swallow when you felt his thumb rub over the bulge in your throat. You had not even realized how far you had taken him but when you saw the grin on his face, his eyes glazed over in pleasure, you felt proud of yourself for making him feel like this.

Slowly he pulled you off his length and you followed, gasping for breath when you could. A trail of saliva connected you still to him and through your lashes, you looked up at him. Even now he was a sight to behold, jaw clenched, a glint in his eyes.

You would do everything to please him.

“Don’t think I can last long, little one,” he grumbled, lips twitching as he spotted how you still moved your hips, “Think you can come before that? Don’t want to leave you hanging.”

You nodded, rising on your knees again just like before and sinking back down, moaning when it hit that sweet spot.

“Good,” he smiled, warping his hand around his cock, “You can touch yourself how much you. Just want you to come for me, okay?”

“Okay,” you smiled, obediently opening your mouth to take him in again. Your fingers went to your clit, circling it to spread around the wetness that was already making its way to the towel. You gasped, hips jerking at the pleasure.

Boba groaned, rubbing the head of his cock along your tongue, precoma coating your taste buds. He pushed your head down again, quickly building up to a rhythm that had you choking and gagging, spit trailing down your chin, making you feel filthy and desired.

One hand came up to your chest, pinching your nipple and throwing you off the cliff. Your moan got interrupted by Boba shoving himself down your throat even more and you shook where you sat, your wetness coating the toy until all you could hear were obscene squelching sounds from between your thighs.

“Where did you want my come little one?”

“On my face, please,” you gasped.

A deep, guttural groan left him and you opened your mouth even wider, sticking your tongue out as your fingers played with your nipples. Hot roped of come splattered on your face, landing on your brows, your nose, your tongue, dripping down your chin and onto your chest. Boba continued pumping his shaft milking himself of every last drop and collecting it on his thumb before gently spreading it over your cheek.

“Did I do good?” you asked, heaving for breath.

“You were perfect,” he rumbled, scooping some of his come onto your tongue and you swallowed eagerly.

You shifted on your knees, wincing when the dildo moved inside you.

Boba leant down to you, his hand carefully holding you by the elbow as he stood up slowly, taking you with him. Your legs were shaking from the strain and your knees hurt from straightening them. You shivered.

A soft kiss was pressed to your lips and he led you back to the bed. The fabric was cool under your fingertips and you took a shaky breath. His warm hands were on your shoulders, thumbs brushing the skin as he looked down on you.

“Let me get you something to clean up, okay?” he murmured.

You nodded silently. He disappeared for a moment and you simply sat there, wringing your hands and trying to focus on your surroundings. Everything was fuzzy still, pleasantly warm from your orgasms but you also felt could now that it was over.

You heard the sink run in the bathroom and a moment later, Boba was in front of you again, a warm cloth in his hands that he gently ran over your face.

“Look up at me, little one,” he murmured and you did, closing your eyes as you tilted your face towards him. With gentle movements, he cleaned your face but you were too tired to smile. You felt drained but in a good way, like your limbs were too heavy from pleasure to really move and so you just let the feelings wash over you.

When he was finished, his hand came up to cup your cheek and you leaned into him.

Boba hummed, “Would you like to take a shower or a bath?”

“Bath, please,” you croaked, flinching as you heard how hoarse you sounded. Boba’s lips quirked up and he nodded. Slowly he guided you to the tiled bathroom, sitting you down on a towel at the edge of the tub before getting the water running.

You frowned, the rushing water almost too loud in your ears. Boba turned around, spotting you curling in on yourself and just like that he had you in his arms.

“It was a bit intense, wasn’t it?” he asked quietly, his lips brushing against your ears and you nodded, burying your head in the fabric of his flannel.

“I – I don’t know why I feel this way,” you whispered, “this … sensitive.”

“You’re coming down from a high, little one,” he explained, thumb brushing the back of your neck, “It’s normal to feel a little exposed. But I will make sure, you’re okay, okay? Anything you need, princes, you just tell me, yeah? Anything.”

“Okay,” you whispered, already feeling a bit better with him here.

You did not know for how long you stood there, but when the water shut off and Boba helped you in the tub you sighed in content. The water was just the perfect temperature and you sunk in with closed eyes, the only thing guiding you being Boba’s hands.

“I will get us some food, okay?” he asked quietly, sitting at the edge of the tub and holding your hand. You had never felt this cared for. “I will get us the same order as the last time, does that sound good?”

You nodded with a smile. He stood up but you held onto his hand, only letting go when the distance became too much. Stars, you were really fucked out good, weren’t you?

With your eyes closed in relaxation, you could only hear his low chuckle as he got ready to leave. The door to the room closed not long after. You soaked in the tub for what felt like an eternity. The water was warm and you were positively surprised by the scent of the motel shampoo. It certainly was not as bad as you thought it would be.

Slowly you felt yourself coming back to reality, feeling more energized and more awake and aware of your surroundings. Boba had not come back yet so when the water got a little too cold for your liking, you decided to get out anyway.

You got dressed in your nightgown you had taken with you – thankful that Boba had left it for you on the counter in a moment of foresight –, hurrying barefoot over the carpet into the bed.

Just as you turned on the TV, the lock of the door turned and a whistling Boba came in, arms laden full of brown paper bags.

“You got more than last time,” you stated, frowning as you saw him put down a second paper bag on the small TV desk.

“Well, I won’t be able to buy you breakfast tomorrow, now will I?” he replied, “Thought I could take care of that now and then you don’t have to worry about it tomorrow.”

“Oh really?” you asked, sitting up on your knees, not minding when the blanket fell down, so you could at least make an attempt to peer into the bag.

Boba chuckled, indulging you by handing you the mysterious food bag and immediately you took a peek. There, neatly arranged, was a croissant, a chocolate muffin and what looked like a little breakfast sandwich.

“I’d keep the sandwich in the fridge,” Boba commented from the other side of the room, already taking out the familiar smelling food containers. He did not seem to know how your heart swelled in your chest at the sweet gesture.

You knew he had wanted to be here for breakfast – he had literally told you so on the phone – but when it was clear that Saturday would remain your meeting day of choice, you thought he had just shrugged it off. Maybe it had just been a flirtatious remark?

But the fact that he had gone out of his way to somehow show you he had been serious about what he had said made butterflies appear in your stomach.

“It’s very sweet,” you murmured, looking at the way the muscles in his back moves as he fished for the plastic utensils, “You didn’t have to.”

“But I wanted to,” he replied easily, still smiling when he turned around and carried the food with him, “Now let me slip under that blanket, princess, what will we watch?”

You giggled, watching this giant man carefully position himself on the bed, before stretching out his arm, offering you the food to eat and his chest to rest against once again.

“I could get used to this,” you murmured, taking a bite of the pita.

“Me too, princess,” he rumbled, “Me too.”

#maybege writes #boba fett x reader #boba fett x fem!reader #smut

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ticklishtimothee · 3 years

Text

first fight (bo burnham x reader)

summary: bo is stressed, and the reader tries to do something nice for him, but it doesn’t go exactly as planned.

a/n: thank you to @shit-post-things for the prompt!! here’s a nice mix of angst and fluff. i usually avoid writing angst but the idea was just so fun to explore. i hope y’all enjoy this!!

words: 985

It was no surprise that Bo could get easily stressed out when he was working. His career brought him so much anxiety, and it often manifested itself in him not sleeping, not eating, and when it was particularly bad, he began to act out.

Normally, it didn’t affect you. He was always kind and gentle with you, and even when he got into his bad moods, you were spared. You figured it was because the relationship was new, and he didn’t want to drive you away.

But after a year, he became less careful about letting you see him in a funk.

He was in his office, writing. He spent so much time in there, with a notebook, pen, and his keyboard. You could hear him playing, mumbling lyrics under his breath, stopping, and starting again.

That night, you planned to get him out of the house. You got dressed up and made a reservation at his favorite restaurant. He so often forgot his own needs, and you wanted to take care of him, take him out, make him feel special like he always did for you.

The reservation was for seven o’clock, and you knocked on the door to his office at six.

“What’s up?” he called through the door.

You pushed it open and leaned in the doorframe, smiling. “Stop whatever you’re working on and go get dressed. I made us dinner reservations.”

Instead of breaking into a smile like you’d expected, Bo shook his head.

“I can’t. I’ve got to finish this by tomorrow.”

“Oh, c’mon. You’ve been working so hard, don’t you want to get out for a night?” you asked, stepping into the room and closer to him, where he sat at the piano.

He sighed, pushing a hand through his hair. “I wish I could, baby, but if I stop now, I’m gonna get all thrown off.”

You reached a hand out to touch his arm gently. “Babe, why don’t—”

“I said no, okay?” he burst out, pulling his arm away from you.

Bo never raised his voice at you. Or, when he did, it was always in a playful manner. You never felt scared, or upset when he did so. But the way his expression was contorted in a scowl made your heart drop.

You took a few steps back, and you hated the way your voice wavered when you spoke. “Alright, fine. I’ll leave you alone. While you’re at it, you can sleep in here.”

And you walked out, slamming the door behind you.

You went back to the bedroom that you and Bo shared, stripped yourself of the nice outfit and put on your pajamas instead. You were too upset to even call the restaurant and cancel the reservation. Whatever, they’d give the table away when they realized no one was coming.

Although it was still early in the evening, you got into bed and allowed tears to fall.

Had that been your first fight? Over something so small, so silly?

You just wanted to do something nice for him.

You eventually fell asleep, cradling a pillow in your arms.

***

When you woke up, the bed was empty. It seemed that Bo had taken your advice and crashed on the couch in his office.

Good. After last night, you didn’t want to sleep beside him.

You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and sat up in bed.

It smelled like pancakes. Huh.

You stood, stretching, and walked out of the bedroom.

Bo was standing in the kitchen, cooking, humming to himself under his breath. When you paused in the doorway, he turned around as if he could sense you behind him.

“Y/N, I am so sorry about last night,” he said immediately. “I was a dick. You were just trying to be nice and I shut you down. And I should have never, ever raised my voice at you.”

You crossed your arms over your chest, giving him a look that signalled for him to keep talking.

He ran his hand through his hair. “I understand if you’re still upset, you have every right to be. But I made you breakfast, and it’d be a shame for it to go to waste, so will you humor me and come eat?”

After a moment, you nodded.

He gave a small smile and gestured for you to come sit, and you did so. He’d already made you a plate, and as much as you wanted to stay mad, the food looked so good.

“I finished the song,” he said, sitting down across from you at the table. “So, if you want to do a re-do of last night…”

“I don’t really want to go out,” you said with a shrug. “But if you want, we can order something. Watch a movie?”

He nodded. “Yeah, yeah, that sounds good.”

You couldn’t help it. You smiled, even if it was just a tiny bit. “I’m glad you finished the song. Maybe you can play it for me later?”

“I’d like that,” Bo said, smiling back.

It was impossible to stay mad at him then, with his goofy grin and the delicious food in front of you. You knew that his career was the biggest source of stress in his life, and his frustration had been understandable.

He promised to not let his work get in the way of your time together. You promised to not pull him away from work when he needed to focus.

The night ended with you two cuddled on the couch, a blanket over your laps, and Bruce sitting beside you. The movie was just background noise at that point, and you wound up dozing off with your head on his shoulder.

And when you woke up in bed with him beside you, you smiled, knowing that he must have carried you. Your gentle, kind, and caring boyfriend was back, and things were good again.

#bo burnham x reader #bo burnham #bo burnham/reader #bo burnham reader insert #bo burnham fic #reader insert #*

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comfortwriting · 3 years

Text

A Triwizard Baby - Final Part - F.W

Fred Weasley x Fem Reader

Masterlist, Requesting Rules, Writing Prompt Masterlist

Final Part of the 'Triwizard Baby' mini-series.

Please Read Parts 1, 2, 3, and 4 if you haven’t already.

A/N: Thank you ever so much for loving and for showing so much support and excitement for this mini-series, it has been one of my favourite things to have ever written and I'm so sad it's coming to an end, but I hope you enjoy it <3

Warnings: Implied Smut, swearing.

Mr and Mrs Weasley were slowly approaching the hospital wing, George following not far behind.

“Yeah, which I’ve only just found out are mine!”

The hospital wing doors opened, Molly and Arthur standing in the doorway, staring at you, their son, and their grandchildren.

"Mum!" Fred smiled "Dad!"

You looked up and swallowed hard at the sight of your child's confused grandparents, they were just as clueless as Freddie with this whole situation, but when Molly's eyes landed on the smaller and sleeping twin, her heart burst into flames.

"Oh, congratulations dear!" she smiled, starting to tear up, you encouraged Fred to hand the baby over for her to hold.

Molly cradled the bundle of joy in her arms, counting his fingers and toes, stroking his soft hair as tears filled her eyes "he looks just like you, Freddie when you were a baby."

"He finally knows," George smiled, approaching you, planting a friendly kiss on your head and sitting next to you "I'm sorry I couldn't be here."

"It's okay," you sigh, the corners of your lips curling up into a smile "but it's okay, everything has worked out perfectly in the end, better than I ever thought it would."

“I’m sorry for crashing into you” he frowned, sitting next to you on the train “is your head alright? I can try and make the bruising go away.”

You couldn’t stay mad at him, you chuckled and shook your head “It’s okay but thank you for offering” you smiled.

His twin brother entered the carriage, “Fred-” he stared at you “what’s happened to you?”

“I wish you were coming with us” Fred sighed, grumbling to himself.

“Oh don’t be silly, you’re going on holiday!” you beamed “just make sure you take plenty of pictures, I’ve heard Egypt is lovely!”

“I’ll write to you and I’ll send the photos through the owl post if I’ve got enough time.”

“We’re supposed to be studying for our O.W.Ls!” you hissed at Fred, hiding your answers from him as he continued to make your stationary levitate and drop onto your head.

“Please take part in this prank, Y/N” he begged “I promise I won’t ask for anything ever again.”

“But you always do, Freddie!”

He stared at you, pouting and making puppy eyes.

“Fine” you sighed, giving in “Let’s go and do it then.”

Fred punched the air and grabbed you by the hand, pulling you away from your desk, the two of you smirking and giggling with excitement.

“I didn’t realise it would be this cold” you shivered, standing outside of Honey Dukes, snow falling from the sky and sticking to the pavement.

Fred pulled off his knitted jumper “Put this on love, don’t want you freezing now do we?”

“I want you.” you breathed, pulling away from the kiss “I want you to fuck me like you do everyone else.”

“I want you too” Fred replied, taking your hand and fleeing from the party.

“Are you going to tell him?” George asked.

You shook your head “No, and the both of you aren’t going to tell him either, you need to promise me.”

“I’ve got plans!” Angelina smiled, unable to hold her emotions back, the bottle lid slowly starting to tremble as the liquid inside bubbled up.

“What’s going on?” Fred asked again, slightly puzzled as he had never seen her so excited.

“You don’t know?!” Angelina gasped “Me, George, and the girls are planning a surprise baby shower for Y/N!” she beamed.

“I’m ready to tell you” you sighed again “who the father is.”

They all stayed silent except Matt’s little sister, “who is it?” she asked quietly.

“Fred,” you blurted out, unable to hide his name for much longer “Fred Weasley is the father.”

"Y/N Y/L/N, will you marry me?" he asked, opening the ring box

You and George smirk at one another and laugh, shaking your heads, you partner Fred watching you and his newborns full of life - he had never felt this heavy strike to his heart before - but he couldn't mistake it anymore, he knew - he was truly in love.

Flickering your eyes open, you smirked at the open wide brown eyes staring back at you, the peppered freckles sitting across his nose and face which you slowly stroked with your index finger.

You didn't need to speak, you could just live in this moment forever, with him, your husband.

Your bedroom door slowly creaks open, you and Fred quickly cover your faces with the bed covers so only your eyes are visible, and the two of you chuckle when you hear the pattering of feet thunder across the room, only to be followed by another pair of feet, less thundery and more stumbly.

Your two boys pounce on the bed, full of energy and mischief, you and your husband jump up and lift up your children in your arms, pulling them into the soft and cosy sheets, tickling them, the room filling up with their laughter.

"Gideon! Fabian!" Molly yells up "Get down here now! Leave your poor mother and father alone to sleep!"

"Go! Go!" Fred whispers "Uncle Ron won't show you any magic if you don't listen!"

"Listen to your dad!" you smile "Or Uncle George won't show you any magic either!"

Your twins quickly pull shocked faces and scamper away, hurrying downstairs to finish packing with Molly to go to her house for the weekend as you and Fred were getting ready to go away for your honeymoon.

"Last night was the best night of my life," you kiss Fred softly, bringing up your hand in the morning light, examining the beautiful ring.

Hearing the door close downstairs and many feet storm away from the house, Fred wraps his arms around you and he pulls you into him, kissing your neck, his hot breath now tickling your ear.

"You won the bet" Fred whispered

“So, when can we make another one?” Fred winked.

“When we graduate from Hogwarts!-”

“Next year?” he raised an eyebrow.

“You didn’t let me finish! We need to graduate, get stable jobs and have a house with enough room!”

“So next year then?” Fred smirked, still cradling the baby.

Your furrowed your brows, unsure whether or not he was bluffing.

“Okay then, since you’re all confident, let’s make a bet.” You smirked back.

“If I win, we make another baby, if you win… we get married,” Fred said softly as the baby opened his eyes and let out a cry.

"Even if I did," Fred sighs "I still want to make another one."

You ponder the thought for a minute, "So why don't we?"

Sharing a glance, your husband attacks your lips with his, his hands roaming all over your body and pulling off your pyjamas whilst you take off his and get your hands lost in his golden hair. Life had finally worked out for you, for the twins, for Fred, you were finally a family - you never thought that you would be here now compared to the situation you were in three years ago.

Fred's eyes admire your naked body basking in the beam of sunlight that burst through the gap in the curtains, his finger traces your stretchmarks and he places small kisses across every single one of them, the reminder that you created and nurtured two lives inside of you, two lives he had helped you create after a heated makeout session at a party.

Fred didn't want anyone else but you, and the thought of him being present for the whole nine months to see another life blossom inside of you, gave him one more reason to thank the world for being in it.

taglist: @amourtentiaa @alwaysnforeverfangirl @horrorxweasley @inglourious-imagines @reeophidian @sebby-staan @onlyfreds @pandaxnienke @xmalfoyweasleyx @onlyfreds @manuosorioh @cosmiccomicloverqueen @the-romanian-is-bae @fhhsposts @cavalinhox @purple-vodka-99 @simpforweasleys2 @dracoismybabey @xuminghoasworld @michael-loves-chickens @freddie-weaslebee

#Fred and George #fred weasley fanfiction #fred weasley imagines #fred weasley one shot #Fred Weasley fanfic #george weasley #george weasley one shot #george weasley fanfic #George Weasley fanfiction #Weasley twins #harry potter #Harry Potter fanfic #Harry Potter fanfiction #the weasleys #the marauders #Draco x reader #THE GOLDEN TRIO #fred weasley x reader #george wealsey x reader

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mammons-tax-returns · 3 years

Text

comforting you about your body insecurities pt. 1

beelzebub, mammon, lucifer

:) ! first post back!! (rest of the brothers coming later)

🧋MALE MC🧋

Lucifer is a very attentive demon, despite being busy with his nose shoved in a stack of papers around the clock

He really does find you wonderful, both just to relax with and to admire.

And he’s known that you piqued his interest ever since you appeared before him in the stuco room. And this is LUCIFER. He normally doesn’t give any human a second glance. Unless ur some powerful and dangerously talented sorcerer with white hair 🤧but that aside

Tonight, he gets a break from Diavolo’s workload because there is yet another ball being held at the castle.

He sprays a faint but expensive cologne on his skin, quietly hoping that you would like and comment on it so he could respond with some flirty line. That would be nice, he thinks.

Then, he’s taking long strides leading out of his bedroom, and heading over to yours beside the kitchen, where he hears his siblings bickering over the best fruit.

He knocks on the door first, waiting for a response that never comes. He only hears your favorite song from within.

He calls your name, only becoming more confused the longer the silence grows

When he pushes open the door, he’s nearly relieved to see you standing in front of the body mirror, fixing the the collar of your outfit. You turn to look at him offer a smile. “Hey, Luci. You’re punctual, as usual.”

He hums under his breath in response. A silent “i know”. He pads over to you, placing a hand on your hip affectionately. “You look good enough to eat, handsome. Asmodeus may have his moments but he certainly knows how to dress anyone with anything.”

You look at your own eyes in the reflection, not able to respond entirely. Lucifer means well, you’re sure of it. He doesn’t know that the past hour of preparation for the ball was spent scowling at the parts of you that you could never quite enjoy entirely.

Lucifer looks questioningly at your expression from the mirror. “y/n? Is something the matter?”

At that, you snap back to reality and look back at him. “Huh? Oh... Right— Sorry, I just,” you trail off, at a loss for words. Was this the right time to mention your thoughts, before a ball? “It’s nothing, just lost in my thoughts, I suppose.”

Lucifer’s eyebrows knit in the way that they tend to do when he worries. “Mind sharing? I’d love to sit and listen.” His hands slide around your waist until he’s hugging you, and you catch a whiff of his cologne which makes you melt. Once again you wonder if this relationship was something you deserved.

“Luci...”

“Don’t give me that, lovely. I said I’d like to listen, no?” As you turn your head away, he takes the opportunity to rest his head on the crook of your neck.

You sigh, smiling hopelessly. You hate to admit it, but his response makes you feel jittery on the inside. “It’s silly really, I just wasn’t feeling myself just now. The clothes are amazing! But...” You know exactly what you’ll say next, but the words feel venomous in your mouth. “I’m wondering if Asmodeus understands how wasteful it is to put them on me, you know?”

Lucifer is at a loss, and his heart aches at your words. “Oh dear... Well that’s no good. I can’t have my gorgeous lover worrying himself over something that’s so far from the truth.”

You are already aware that Lucifer will always support you no matter what, and the thought is both heart warming and bothersome. “Yeah, yeah, Lucifer... I’ve heard it all alr-“

“Then what do you not understand?” Lucifer cuts you off promptly and confidently. “Do you really believe that I’d sugarcoat this? Anything?”

You swallow thickly. “N-... No. You wouldn’t...”

“Good. That’s a good response.” He places a sweet kiss on your cheek, ruby eyes flitting up to your own gaze in the mirror. “I’m almost afraid of other demons trying to steal you away in such a dashing outfit, to be honest. Enjoy yourself, but if any of my brothers try anything, I swear...”

You laugh a little, running a free hand through his hair and noting how he almost sinks into your touch. Almost like a cat. “Thank you, Lucifer. For everything.”

Lucifer kisses your hand softly. “You are perfection, darling.”

You look forward to slow dancing alongside the eldest brother now, losing yourself in the music. Lucifer was right, there was really nothing to worry yourself over.

Mammon, unfortunately, had to cancel date night plans for the weekend for a modeling gig.

You were disappointed, but not mad at him. He told you in advance, offered to make up for it, and usually tries his best to uphold his promises.

He offers to bring you with him, guilty at the thought of your alone in your room.

You don’t know whether to accept it or not. Would you fit in on a set full of gorgeous, picture-perfect demons?

Mammon has his hand on the back of his neck, nervous that you’re too angry at him to want to say yes.

To his delight, you smile and agree to go with him. Maybe, this way, he can avoid others flirting with him when they know that his boyfriend would be in the room.

At first, it makes you feel a little bit happier seeing Mammon light up with joy after seeing him pout like a puppy moments ago.

The day has come that you step onto the modeling floor. The photographers and staff know you well due to Mammon’s insistent bragging about you and your relationship. Clutching your D.D.D. anxiously, you make your way over to Mammon, who is already posing for a camera under bright studio lights.

You keep to the shadows as you watch him intently. Mammon is well known for his idiocy, but he is one handsome devil.

The evil snickering of two demons sound behind you, to which you ignore. You were too nervous to actually move, anyways.

Whatever... It doesn’t concern me... Right?

The giggles don’t stop, and you can’t help but listen in on their whispers. It sounds as if they purposely spoke louder than normal just to bother you.

“Look at how his eyes are shining... Obsessed with Mammon, much?” Oh boy. It really seems like they’re talking about...

“Let’s talk about those clothes, though... Are you kidding me... Does the human world really have that low of standards— or is this the bottom of the barrel.” At that, the two burst into a fit of cackles.

Luckily, a photographer hisses at them, irritated with the noise breaking his concentration. They quiet down, but continue to berate you in ways you had never even considered.

You’re sweating bullets now, itching to use your hand to wipe the oncoming tears of embarrassment. You blink them away, and don’t notice that your boyfriend is now finished with his shoot.

You tense upon seeing him speaking to the camera tech. Your heart nearly jumps out of your throat. The last thing you needed was him seeing you cry right now. He’d be worried sick.

Not even bothering to excuse yourself, you slip into the bathroom and can only focus on the laughter of the other demons behind you. The sound causes you to shake slightly as you shut the door behind you.

There is more than one stall, so you briefly worry that someone would come in and find you bawling your eyes out in the middle of a semi-professional setting. You sigh heavily and turn the sink on to wash your face.

The more you stood in front of the sink rubbing your face, the more vividly you remember the rude comments made about you. Could they have been true?

With a troubled look, you sneak a glance at yourself in the mirror.

You didn’t think that your clothes were particularly “bad”... They said so much, and it’s all coming back like a vicious and cruel tsunami.

No matter what you do, you can’t seem to stop crying.

“Oh y/n!!~ Where are ya’ at?” Mammon crashes through the door, hands on his hip with a toothy and closed-eye grin.

Thinking quickly, you reach over to grab a hand towel and press your face into it. “H-Hey, Mammon, you looked good out there...”

Mammon must have picked up on your wavering tone, because he pauses.

You’re frozen on the spot when he places a hand on your shoulder, although you can’t see him through the towel.

“Uhh... What’s up with you? Don’t tell me that you’re...” It’s too late to react when he pushes the towel aside to find your teary eyes.

“Wh-What?!” His heart drops immediately. “What’s wrong babe?! Are you like... I dunno hurt or something?!”

You exhale shakily, still trying to calm yourself. “Those models out there are just... A little too honest about me, I s-suppose... But it’s really fine. I just... I don’t know... I guess I just needed a minute to... Freak out a little?”

“Honest? What the hell do you—“ A sudden feeling of recognition pulled at his features. Truth be told, he knew those demons personally, having worked with them before. Then the guilt of knowing exactly what happened began to eat away at him. “Oh...”

You shifted, wishing that he would drop the subject. This was getting much too embarrassing to bear, and the way his eyes drooped with sadness made your stomach churn. “Mammon. I-I’m serious, I’m okay—“

Mammon’s arms surround you like a sturdy, calming veil.

“I know you’re not, y/n!” Mammon had no desire to listen to you pretend to act unbothered. “I don’t know what they’ve told you, but I can guarantee that I have been given comments just as bad as those- and I’m The Mammon.”

You grip onto his shirt, avoiding making eye contact with him. “But... That’s the thing Mammon. I’m not nearly as confident or perfect as you.”

Mammon holds you tighter, voice softening drastically. “Don’t you think that’s exactly what I think of you when you comfort me on my bad days?”

A pool of warmth starts to seep from the depths of your chest. And your furrowed brows start to relax. “Really..? You mean it?”

“y/n, you are precious to me, and all of my crazy ass brothers. And there is no way in hell that I’ll allow some scum of the world get in the way of realizing how flawless you are.”

Beel wants nothing more than to spend every second of the day with you. And Belphie.

But unfortunately, most of his time is spent in the gym, if not the kitchen.

So he asks you if you would like to start working out with him at the gym, or even if you were just interested in hanging around and nothing more. He just wanted your presence.

The idea itself made your heart swell. But after a bit of thinking, you weren’t so sure. You’ve never been to a gym in Devildom before, but you were sure it wasn’t very different from human gyms.

It would be filled with confident and toned bodies that would put you down without even trying.

And as much as you wanted to be there with Beel, you weren’t ready for the prospect of the nasty looks you’d receive sitting beside the sixth-born who is a perfectly sculpted athlete.

After all, he seemed a bit too good for you, as it seemed in your head.

Beel wonders why you turned him down. Had he done something to upset you?

He’d have to get down to the bottom of it, lest he regret ignoring your behavior.

To do this, he takes a day off from the gym, thinking that the answer to this situation would be to spend time together. Smiling to himself, he clutches a bag of sweets to his chest.

y/n has got to love this, he thinks excitedly.

Knocking once, he can barely keep himself from barging in and tearing into his baked goodies. “y/n, I’m here. Wanna share these cookies with me? There’s also pound cake and cupcakes... The mini ones with enchanted apples on them.”

His smile falls a little when there’s a long note of silence. “y/n?” He questions.

“Oh! Uh... Sorry, Beel... Maybe another day. I’m studying for that final right now.” Beel knows you sound sincere, but something about this response seems off.

His heart sinks a little, feeling a little embarrassed after being rejected. He hadn’t expected this.

“Ah... Are you sure?”

“...”

There’s a silence from the other side of the door, and the sixth born starts to genuinely worry.

Truth be told, you had been weeping alone looking through images of famous demon athletes that advertised the same gym that Beel attended regularly. It was a dangerous thing to do, but how could you look away?

You take a glance at yourself in the mirror. your eyes were barely puffy. A bit red too. But overall, nothing seemed very different. Maybe— Just maybe, he wouldn’t even notice.

“Hello? You in there?”

You stiffen at the sound of his voice.

“Coming!” Hopping to your feet, you rush to the door and open it.

“Oh man, I was starting to get antsy smelling this bag... Let’s hurry and dig in.” His eyes are trained on the food in his hands, and his mouth is watering.

“Oh, Beel... You have some drool again!” You lightly scold him and wipe the corner of his mouth with a napkin from the table right beside the door.

At that, he finally gets a good look at you.

“Oh, thank y—... ou...” He trails off instantaneously. “Your eyes...”

You sigh and bow your head sheepishly. “Agh... I should’ve known you’d catch me. It’s not anything serious, I just was... I was watching a sad movie is all.”

His eyebrows knit together. “So were you studying or watching a movie?”

He caught me.

He pushes forward, closing the door behind him and taking your hands in his. He leaves the bag abandoned on the floor.

“y/n... What’s been up with you lately? You’re seriously not yourself.”

Your face flushes, and you sigh. Your throat suddenly feels tight. “Uh... That’s...”

He’s noticed this entire time. I’m an idiot.

“Listen, Beel...” You squeeze his hand. “I’ll tell you because I know that if I don’t, you’ll be worried sick.”

He nods hurriedly, heart rate increasing.

“I guess I just...” The words struggle to make their way out. “I don’t understand how-how someone like you; handsome, kind, and strong could end up with...” You pause, starting to tear up. “With someone like me.”

Beel takes a moment to process your situation.

And when he does, his head starts to spin, and his heart feels heavy like a boulder.

“y/n... What are you even thinking?” Is all he manages to whisper. He pulls you into a tight, comforting hug and sniffles.

“Beel—“

“You mean literally more to me than anything or anyone else.” He says firmly. “I don’t know what part of you you’re so hung up on, I couldn’t even imagine there being any reason to be.”

“You don’t have to—“

“I do.” He cuts you off firmly. If he didn’t, you may try to deny his definite truth. “y/n, I know i’m all about food and training... I’m sorry I don’t know how to make you realize how wonderful you are.

But I’d like to learn that with you. Is that okay?”

Your tears finally fall, soaking through his tank top.

“Of course... I’d love that.”

#obey me beel #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me male reader #obey me headcanons #obey me swd #om

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nostalgiabones · 4 years

Text

The Story of Us // C.H

It feels like SO LONG since I last posted any writing! Here is the second instalment of the Song Series for my last follow milestone (which I announced and then just didn’t write for 2 months😳). I had a moment at 2am where everything fell into place with this fic and I was screaming about it to @calumrose lmao. It’s taken a long time but I’m so happy with how this has turned out and I LOVE the concept of this song so much. I’d love to know what you think!

Song: The Story of Us — Taylor Swift

Word count: 5.1k

Tapping your fingernails on the counter, your eyes search around the busy kitchen for a familiar face – one to ease the anxiety of the first party you’ve attended for longer than you can remember. The kitchen gives you more space to breathe than the garden you fought your way through to get to the house, greeting smiles and quick ‘hellos’ to friends you haven’t seen for a while. There’s one friend in particular you’re expecting to see, yet a part of you doesn’t want to.

“Hey, you made it!”

The voice of a close friend fills your ears over the pounding of the bass from the speaker in the lounge, pumping the whole house (and possibly, the whole street) with music. You can tell Ashton has already taken over the playlist, old classic rock songs being the common theme so far. The counter is already sticky with alcohol. It was one of these parties where you first met Calum – in his true drunk state, he had spilt a drink over your shoes, and spent the remainder of the night trying to make it up to you. He apologised any chance he got, no matter how much you reassured him it was okay and insisted on giving you his number so he could ‘apologise again when he was sober.’ He had done, too, and that’s where it began.

Most Friday nights you’d get a text from him asking you to tag along to whoever’s party was going on, telling you that they weren’t the same without you there. “I need you there as my wingman,” he’d insist, although he had no intention of going home with anyone else. His turn to host rolled around, and that’s when things had changed – the night had ended with you crashing on his spare bed. Everyone else had left and he didn’t see you go, and it wasn’t until Duke had his attention that he had found you – curled up on the bed in his spare room. He thought about waking you up, but decided that he couldn’t bring himself to do it once his gaze fell upon your sleeping face. All he did was remove your shoes, to make you more comfortable, and tuck you in so you didn’t get cold. He had murmured a “good night,” pushing your hair away from your face with a kiss to your forehead.

The next morning, he had found you in his kitchen; Duke keeping you company, curled up in your lap as you wait for Calum to wake up. Waking up in his spare bedroom had been a surprise, yet you didn’t feel entirely uncomfortable. You could’ve left straight away, just leaving a note, but you didn’t. You stayed for breakfast, testing Calum’s cooking skills, and both of you (silently) felt as though you wish it could happen more often.

After that, the texts weren’t just invitations to parties.

They were invitations to get coffee, to take Duke on a hike, to listen to a song he was working on. Any reason he could think of to see you, he would take it, yet he wouldn’t admit to himself why he wanted to see you so often. Your friends knew it; at every party you’d arrive together, dance together, his fingertips would linger on your hips, always touching you somehow. It looked so easy, fun, and free from the outside.

You’re the lucky ones.

Four words both you and Calum had heard time and time again from your friends. They’d see the smiles that grace both yours and his lips at parties when you were together, losing yourselves in the music and each other. Friends would ask where you both stood; what you are, or what you were. Some had called it friends with benefits, most thought you were dating, but whenever you were asked, all you could reply was “I don’t know.” It seemed as though your friends never believed you, but it was the truth — Calum doesn’t like labels.

Calum would take you on unofficial dates; never labelled as such, but something as casual as going to dinner didn’t quite feel the same when he refused to let you pay and you ended up in his bed. Most nights you’d just stay up talking, watching the evening bleed into night as the sun sets and the moon rises. You’d talk about anything from his eclectic taste in music to what the purpose of life is, yet somehow, you never talked about your relationship. Anything but yourselves. The first time he kissed you, it almost felt accidental; his face was just that bit too close to yours for you to not kiss him, his chapped lips brushing yours for a brief moment. His eyes had quickly assessed the expression on your face, wondering whether you were thinking the same thing of what just happened. He had waited a moment before asking “Is it okay if I kiss you again?” and of course… you said yes. You felt something, so did he, but the feelings never translated to words; you never found out what was going on inside his head. And that was the problem.

“I brought you a drink!” You’re snapped out of your thoughts by her voice as she hands you the red cup, filled with whatever had been thrown together in the ice bucket at the other side of the kitchen. You had watched her do the rounds around the room, catching up with everyone else hanging around, and had finally made her way to you. “You know Calum is here, right? Why are you over here all by yourself?”

You hope she didn’t ask him the same question. It’s clear your facial expression gives more away than you intended, and you’re met with a furrowed brow before she continues.

“Did something happen?” She questions, an inquisitive expression on her face as she glances over your shoulder. It’s in that moment you realise he’s there, at the other side of the room, and suddenly it feels like the walls are closing in. She knows Calum well too, but they really are just friends — she can tell something is off with him, too. You allow your eyes to glance to where he’s stood, talking to someone you recognise but whose name you can’t recall. Calum’s eyebrows are furrowed, he looks deep in thought although he’s definitely not paying attention to the conversation that he’s stuck in. “Never mind, don’t answer that. New question, what happened?”

You sigh, taking a sip of the drink she handed you before trying to think of an answer. What did happen? Things have become distant. As much as you enjoy being around Calum, sometimes the uncertainty is too much. He’s a closed book; very difficult to talk to about how he feels, and it leads to you overthinking way too much. Sometimes you just want to sit him down and tell him everything; how even though your relationship is nothing serious, sometimes you wish it could be. You try not to get attached in case he doesn’t think anything of you in the way you wish, sometimes. It’s difficult when he treats you better than any man has before.

“I just haven’t seen him for a while,” You tell her, and it’s not a lie. You haven’t seen him. It doesn’t add up though, not to any of your friends — the two of you would be the life of the party normally. It doesn’t feel the same when you’re at opposite ends of the room.

“Then why aren’t you over there catching up?” She asks, and you know you can’t hide it anymore. She can see it in your eyes. It’s rare that you’re not joined at the hip in any social situation; your friends didn’t know too much about you and Calum in private, yet you know she won’t be the only one to notice the distance between the two of you. They don’t know about the ‘dates’ or about the times where you’ve called him crying after a bad day. They don’t know about the kisses, how he holds you in the dark of the night, or how you know more about him than anyone you’ve ever met. They don’t know about you and Calum.

You pause for a minute before answering her.

“Nothing happened between us,” You sigh, your nails anxiously tapping against the plastic cup in your hand. “That’s the problem.”

You watch as Calum laughs at a joke a friend has made. It’s not his true laugh though – where his eyes crinkle and his nose twitches, where he looks as though his cheeks could burst from how hard he’s smiling. That’s a laugh reserved for you, when you tell him a silly childhood story at 3:00am. There are many parts of Calum which only you get to see. You notice his hair has grown out compared to when you saw him last. The blonde is hardly there now, just specs throughout the ends of the dark curls. Your heart thuds in your chest as you look at him – he’s right there, yet he feels a million miles away, like there’s a wall in the middle of the room preventing you from getting any closer. It’s even further to reach his heart.

Calum is a closed book, but the pages you have read, you remember.

You know his feelings on a lot of things. You know he loves his family more than anything in the world, that he eventually wants to grow old in Australia near the beach, and that his purpose in this lifetime is to make music for people to fall in love with. He cares deeply about those around him, he shows his love through affection, he calls Duke his soulmate. He loves to cook for those close to him and has a list of recipes in his phone of meals he wants to make for his mum. He once spent a whole night telling you how his sister is one of his biggest inspirations. Playing shows and meeting those who support him makes him feel alive. You know a lot about Calum... except for how he feels about you.

“You should talk to him,” She suggests, a gentle touch on your arm to get your attention. It sounds like such a simple thing to do – just talk to him! Just tell him how you feel!However, Calum is so guarded, that the thought of the feeling not being reciprocated looms over you too much to think about doing it. You wouldn’t even know where to begin, months’ worth of emotions and frustrations to work through. It would only work if Calum were willing to talk to. And you’re not sure he is. “You’re not going to have fun until you do, and neither will he. It’s not like you to be so quiet.”

You cross your arms and bite the inside of your lip – two signs that Calum would recognise as anxiety if he looked in your direction.

“Calum doesn’t know how to talk about us.” You retort, a defeated tone to your voice before you even think about talking to him. Although, you have to admit, it wouldn’t be fair to blame to Calum alone. How could a situation be so simple yet so complex at the same time? No-one had ever made you feel as free as he does; so comfortable with the space to be yourself no matter what. He never judged you. Night by night he broke your walls down; learning more each time about your family, about what lead to you to Los Angeles, about your deepest ambitions. Although whenever you went longer than usual without seeing each other, it made you want to be guarded again, unable to shake the anxiety that comes along with sharing your deepest secrets with someone. All of it in turn had led to weeks, nearly a month of no communicating, and you’d be lying if you said there’s nothing you want more than to fall asleep in his arms once more.

“You should try.” She tells you once more, and you know she’s right. “Trust me.”

She excuses herself to go catch up with someone else, and your eyes can’t help but land on Calum at the other side of the room. He looks more comfortable now, but you notice Luke to his right, and realise that’s probably why. There are so many people around, yet you’ve never felt so alone, like an alien in the group. Calum made you feel everything but alone, especially at a party, he’d never leave your side. You never had the chance to feel lonely. Yet in this moment, it’s all you can think about. You wonder if he feels as alone as you do.

Your fingertips fall to the corner of your jacket, nervously fumbling with the material, needing something to ground you whilst trying to think of something other than Calum. You don’t get very long to do so before your phone offers a distraction; a text lighting up the screen, the contact name of ‘Cal’ making your stomach drop.

Meet me upstairs in 5? Spare room at the back.

You can’t help but sigh at the words, your eyes locked on the screen; too scared to look up in case he’s watching your reaction. It feels so impersonal. Why didn’t he just come and talk to you?

Downing the rest of your drink, you head to grab another one, knowing you’ll need it if you’re going to talk to him. What does he want to talk about? What are you meant to say? The questions are a constant dialogue in your mind, occupying the space, leaving room for little else. Glancing around the room, you note that Calum is no longer there, and that he must’ve gone upstairs to wait for you. It feels like you’re floating as you head up the stairs. Not in a happy way, more due to nerves – the adrenaline and anxiety flooding your veins as your fingers grasp the handrail leading to the upper floor of the house. There’s three bedrooms that you can see; one to each side, and one straight ahead at the back of the house. The door is ajar, and you just know Calum is sat on the bed waiting for you.

Your knuckles gently tap the wooden door and you hear Calum clear his throat; your heart races, and when you push the door open, it’s hard to look at him. Having him there, right in front of you, is almost too much to process and it suddenly feels like there’s no air in the room.

Calum’s eyes follow you as you join him at the end of the bed, not too close to him, yet close enough that he could reach out and touch you if he wanted to. No words are said – you stare at your boots, clearing your throat and waiting for Calum to speak first. You’re both too stubborn.

“Why are you so nervous?” Calum breaks the silence – his voice is deeper than you remember. It’s quiet, yet loud enough that you can hear him over the sound of the music and people talking and singing downstairs. His hands rest on either side of him, fingertips pressed into the duvet as he turns to look at you. It makes his heart ache a little that you’re avoiding his gaze, and he knows you’re uncomfortable. “It’s just me.”

Just him.

“You know you make me nervous,” You retort, a sarcastic yet innocent twinge to your voice as you reply. You know he knows that. It’s something the two of you joked about from the beginning – saying it’s the reason you never spoke to him before the shoe incident. He’s a mysterious person, intriguing; a tough person to get through to, especially when you don’t know him. “Especially when we haven’t talked in a while.”

He nods, a smirk on his lips, but there’s nothing about the situation he finds funny. He’s missed you a lot, and now you’re in the same room together, with no choice but to talk – he realises how much distance there is between you both. Silence has never been so loud before. He doesn’t know where to start, or how to tell you how much he’s missed you. He’s not one to be openly expressive with his emotions, he usually does it through gestures or shows of affection – yet he hasn’t had the chance to show that side of him with you.

“What have you been up to?” He asks, trying to make you feel less uneasy around him before he asks anything more cutting. That was one thing you always admired about Calum – his warmth, his ability to put people at ease by holding conversation. He’s a social butterfly, he loves getting to meet people when he’s out. He has his quiet moments at home when he has time to think. He shifts uncomfortably on the bed as he murmurs a quieter, “I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”

The last few words catch you off guard and now it’s your turn to look at him, his eyes cast towards the ground and his jaw clenched. His eyebrows are furrowed, and you know there’s a million thoughts swirling around his head. Is that Calum admitting some feelings towards you?

“I’ve just been working, really. I went home for a little while, like I told you about,” You reply, remembering back to the last night you spent with Calum, just after you booked your tickets home. Although what you don’t tell him is that most of the time, you couldn’t stop thinking about him being there with you. “How was Europe?”

You had plans to go home, Calum had the rest of his year planned out for him – he had been with the band in Europe and the UK for a little while, and you kept up with his travels on Instagram. Calum had been thinking about you too. He knows how badly you want to travel; that being one of the ambitions you had admitted to him, and he wants to fulfil it. With every cold hotel bed that he slept him, he wanted you to keep him warm. Exploring a city wasn’t quite the same on his own.

“It was different,” He answers, and you’re not sure what he means by that. You wait for him to expand on what ‘different’ entails, yet he doesn’t. Different means unsettled; it means that he didn’t get chance to say goodbye to you before he left, and it didn’t sit right with him. He saw you viewing his Instagram stories, he started to post them just to see if you’d keep watching. You did.

And the room is silent all over again. It is for several moments, until you speak up again.

“Why did you ask me to come up here?” You prod, wanting to cut the small talk. As nice as it is to catch up, there’s a weight on your chest – one that won’t be relieved until something gives with Calum. You don’t want to fight, but there’s things that need to be said. “I didn’t have you down as a ‘texting from the same room’ kinda guy. You could’ve just come and talked to me.”

Calum huffs a laugh, a hand lifting to run through the thick curls upon his head. A tell-tale sign of his own anxiety. He doesn’t say anything, though.

“Now who’s the nervous one?” You continue, raising your eyebrows, knowing you have the upper hand. “What, is the thought of talking about your feelings making you uncomfortable? What else is new?”

He sighs, sitting for a moment, thinking of what to respond. Now you’re more comfortable, he knows there’s no holding back. It’s not going to be an easy conversation.

“First of all, I couldn’t just come up and talk to you. There were too many eyes on us, my friends already noticed we weren’t talking. I know yours did too,” He tells you, and you can’t help but roll your eyes. He has so many walls up and trying to break them down is exhausting.

“I miss you holding me as tightly as you’re holding your pride right now,” You murmur, picking at your nails, avoiding his gaze as you speak the words. Now Calum is the one caught off guard. “I want to know how you’re feeling, Calum. I need to know whether this is killing you as much as it’s killing me.”

For a moment Calum thinks he hears your voice catching in his throat and it goes straight to his heart like a dagger, his head snapping up to look at you. He never wanted any of this to happen – he didn’t mean to hurt you. The lack of communication between you both is astounding to him, now that he thinks about it; the lack of boundaries – the line between friendship and more somewhat blurred. The whole thing seems blurry now, and he’s not sure how to provide the clarity he knows you’re looking for.

“I don’t know what to say.” He admits, truly at a loss for words. There’s so much to say, yet so little. Where does he begin? He hears your sharp intake of breath and he knows you’re frustrated – barely getting more than one sentence out of him at a time.

“Calum, I’m so tired of having to pretend like I don’t care about whatever this is. Right now, it feels like we’re competing to see who cares less. I want to know how you feel about me, about us.” It’s like something is awoken in you. If this is the last conversation you have with him, you want to know it all; whether the nights of sleeping next to him meant as much to him as they did to you. “No more holding back.”

Calum clicks his tongue before he nods, inhaling through his nose, placing one hand on the bed so he can put his weight on it to look right at you. “Alright.”

“Tell me,” Your tone is slightly softer now that he’s agreed. As frustrating as it can be at times, you know it’s not an easy thing for Calum. You know he cares. He just needs to show it. “I’m listening.”

“You want to know what I think about when I look at you?” Calum starts, looking right at you – you’re drawn in by his stare. It’s a lot. Taking a deep breath, you prepare for whatever he’s going to say, and nod in a gesture for him to continue. “I think about the night of my party when I found you on the spare bed. How, for some reason, you were comfortable enough to fall asleep at my house, when we weren’t even that close then. How when I tucked you into bed, you just looked so peaceful. You worry too much when you’re awake.”

You felt free around Calum, yet you didn’t at the same time. You could be yourself, he wanted to know everything about you – yet without the labels of a relationship, you held back from showing too much. There were times Calum wanted to kiss you, and when you wanted to kiss him, but you didn’t. Friends don’t just do that. The more he got to know you, the more he wanted to know, but the more he felt like holding back. He realises a lot of things could be solved if you had just talked a little earlier.

“And then I remember the morning after, when I woke up and Duke wasn’t in my bed, so I knew something was different. How I found you sat in my kitchen with him – that you didn’t leave before I woke up. It just felt so normal, I couldn’t shake it off all day, after you left...” He continues, like he’s letting his mind get away with him. He’s barely said anything, yet it’s the most you’ve heard about how he feels about you. “I didn’t want you to leave. I didn’t realise that until you had gone.”

Calum notices the little things. There are countless moments in his mind that he wishes he could live all over again – a lot of the firsts with you. He wishes he would’ve appreciated them more in the moment.

“And then I think about the first time we kissed. I didn’t think it was going to happen then, I don’t think either of us meant for it to. We have a lot of firsts... the first time I saw you cry, after that fight with your parents, when you called me before anyone else. I like that you rely on me, sometimes, it says a lot about how you feel.” He explains, and it’s so much to take in. “I guess I looked for your feelings in your actions, rather than just asking you. Things would probably be different now if we had just communicated with each other.”

You nod, and know it’s not just Calum to blame. Your communication was just as lack lustre as his. Calum read into your body language and actions a lot – he’d notice when you’d hug him tighter just for a moment longer, or when you’d bring him his usual coffee order, after stopping off to get one for yourself. Calum notices the little things, and they mean a lot.

“What about you?” He asks, and you should’ve expected it. “Tell me how you feel.”

Every moment that passes feels like a lifetime; you’re both taking the time to think.

“I liked it better when you were on my side,” You murmur with a small smile, allowing yourself to think of when things were how they used to be. Nothing has really felt the same since. You decide it’s time to lay everything out, to say everything you’ve wanted him to know for the past few months – at least then, if anything, you don’t leave with any regrets. Calum nods at the words, knowing he’d rather go back to the good times too. “I miss sleeping in your bed. I don’t feel like I’ve talked to anyone in so long. I didn’t realise how much we shared with each other until I didn’t speak to you for a while. Now that we’re here talking… it kinda feels like I can breathe again.”

As wonderful as things could be with Calum, it wasn’t always easy. As soon as you left his house, you’d be thinking the time you spent together over and over, questioning the little things; whether he meant to rest his hand on your thigh whilst you watched a movie, or whether he knows exactly how you like your drinks. It consumed you sometimes, leaving your head spinning and heart aching. It hurt him too, sometimes, when he’d drive you home with Duke in the backseat and wait until he saw you make it safely inside. Duke would jump up at the window, as if to wonder where you had gone, and he’d murmur a “I know how you feel, buddy.”

You’re both caught up in your thoughts, and Calum doesn’t have time to say anything else before you set the record straight.

“I don’t want to hold back anymore, Cal. Not if you want it too. I’m either all in, or all out. I don’t want to be stuck in the middle where I don’t know where I stand. I can’t do it again.” Your voice cracks as you speak, and Calum almost breaks on the spot; he doesn’t want to be the cause of your tears. Not ever. He scoots across the bed a little and reaches out; warm, calloused fingers gently picking your own hand up and fitting it in his own. His fingers link with yours and he gently squeezes, trying to get you to look at him.

“Please don’t cry, love,” He murmurs, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. He doesn’t know why you’re emotional, whether it’s because you’re still unsure of where he stands, the relief of talking everything through, or something else.

Commitment isn’t something that comes natural to Calum. He’s passionate about a lot of things; when he cares about something, he gives it his all, but his heart is guarded. It terrifies him to have to be vulnerable, but he knows that if he doesn’t let you in, he’ll regret it forever. In reality, he’s already let you in… He just has to admit to himself.

“I’m all in. You have my word, and my heart. No more going back and forth, okay? I want it all. You’ve got me.” He reassures you, his free hand resting on top of your joint ones, thumb stroking back and forth over the top of your palm. You nod and swallow the lump in your throat, relief coursing through your veins at the reassurance from his words. It feels like everything is lifted from your shoulders, like you can breathe once more.

“You have me, too. I want to be with you, I want you, but we have to learn how to talk to each other,” You tell him, knowing communication is going to be the crucial difference between before and now. It’s not going to work without. “I know it’s not easy, but we have to try.”

Calum moves closer and almost pulls you into his lap, one arm going around your shoulders to pull you close to him. You’re flooded with warmth and the familiar scent of a combination of his washing powder and his cologne, one that still lingers on your bedsheets months after he last slept there, one that you’ve missed. One that is just simply Calum. You bury your face against his neck and his free hand lands on your thigh, a comforting gesture; he just wants to be as close as possible.

His hand moves from your thigh and his fingertips gently take your chin, tilting your face so you’re looking right at him. His pointer finger traces your cheekbone, down your cheek, under your bottom lip as he breathes you in.

“No more holding back,” He murmurs, his chapped lips brushing yours, a feeling of relief crashing over the two of you and your mouths get acquainted once more. It’s been too long, Calum decides, as he pulls back for a moment and his lips are right back on yours again. It’s mere seconds before he’s slipping his tongue into your mouth and it’s a sensation you’ve missed; he tastes of alcohol as he kisses you and you commit the feeling to memory. The tips of your noses nudge together as the kiss goes on and you never want it to end; it’s the start of a new era, a new beginning to your relationship now that you can call it that. The kiss is urgent and desperate, and it says everything unspoken – there’s a long way to go, but it feels like a good start. “Can I take you home?”

“Please.”

Next chapter.

***

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lambden · 3 years

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What better way to break in a new blog than by immediately posting fic? In honour of Nightmare of the Wolf, here’s some Vesemir and Filavandrel!

(read on AO3)

M, 2.9K words, no warnings, Vesemir recognizes Jaskier’s lute when he arrives at Kaer Morhen

Vesemir has been expecting this day for decades. It’s rare for witchers to meet a trusted companion out on the Path, and even rarer to find one who wishes to travel alongside them. But the reputation of witchers has changed in recent years, for better or worse. Their focus is no longer on maintaining the traditional practices of their schools, but on protection— of other witchers, and of helpless commoners. Perhaps the humans can sense that change.

More curiously, the folklore surrounding witchers has changed. Vesemir very badly wants to meet the man who has done so much to change the narrative, but years pass and all Geralt brings home every winter are stories. The younger witchers entertain (and tease) him but no one ever asks where the bard goes during the cold months that Geralt spends at Kaer Morhen. Perhaps even Geralt doesn’t know.

Finally, after hundreds of stories of Geralt-and-Dandelion, Vesemir receives a letter one autumn before he himself has even considered the journey home. His chest warms as he reads Geralt’s careful penmanship, noting how the ink blots at the start of each new sentence. The paper and wax are fine, suggesting that Jaskier used his academic connections to perhaps land Geralt a few contracts near Oxenfurt. Geralt’s lettering may be nearly flawless but his message is stilted, reminding Vesemir of when his pups were nervous children. Does Jaskier really make him act this awkward? Their relationship must be serious, then.

I am hoping you will welcome my guest with open arms, or I fear he may freeze over the coming months. Vesemir looks for a signature but there is none, save a very fancy G at the bottom. No returning address has been provided either, and while he could easily pen a missive to Oxenfurt, it’s probably best not to respond. Each day Nilfgaard only grows stronger, and crueler. Perhaps Jaskier has been caught up in their hunger for power. Vesemir folds the letter up and hides it in his saddlebag.

When the frost begins creeping in, the oldest Wolf begins his trek up the mountain. He’s almost always the first one to arrive; Coën had beaten him to it once and apologized for weeks, and Vesemir would do anything to avoid that again. And if he makes an effort to arrive early this year so that he can make the Keep look as important as it is, well… nobody needs to know.

It takes a week and a half before Geralt arrives, Jaskier in tow. Vesemir spends the time flushing out a bat infestation and dealing with the most perishable of his spoils from the past year. The White Wolf seems to bring the cold with him most years but Vesemir, cognizant of Jaskier’s inferior body, made sure to set out enough furs in advance. As soon as he hears Roach’s hooves approaching he starts a roaring fire, and when the inner doors of Kaer Morhen burst open, Vesemir is ready to make a great first impression.

Upon seeing him, Geralt smiles right away, crossing the room to greet him. Vesemir looks him over; no obvious new scars, no missing body parts. Must have been an uneventful year, but… Geralt is here, safe and alive, so Vesemir allows himself some private, selfish, unwitcherly joy. It’s the sort of thing Deglan would have lectured him for. He finds he doesn’t care.

“I got your letter,” he tells Geralt, who nods solemnly. “I thought it best not to reply. Is Nilfgaard on your trail?”

“Our trail,” Geralt sighs, stepping aside so that Vesemir can meet his companion. “Vesemir, this is Jaskier.”

The bard, dwarfed by a large fur coat, moves forward so that Vesemir can properly scrutinize him. He certainly doesn’t look his age, but Vesemir knows he’s travelled as far as any witcher has gone, and seen sights no human should really have witnessed. “Oh, I’ve heard plenty about you, Jaskier. I was wondering when Geralt was finally going to bring you along for the winter!” That makes Jaskier perk up, and Vesemir chuckles. “I promise that no harm will come to you here.”

“Thank you,” Jaskier says. “Geralt doesn’t like sharing much about the other witchers, but I’m sure you must have a wealth of stories for me to hear!” Sure enough, Geralt frowns. “And I don’t know how much help I’ll be with hunting or gathering, but I would be happy to regale you on the coldest nights—”

And before Vesemir can read into that unfortunate phrasing, Jaskier shrugs off his fur coat to produce a lute. He must have been wearing it strapped around his front on the journey through the mountains, not wanting to condemn such a fine instrument to being jostled around in Roach’s saddlebags. Vesemir squints at the red-brown wood and the golden details under the strings. They almost look like a particular elven design.

Oh. Vesemir’s realization nearly bowls him over. Geralt and Jaskier stare at him, respectively concerned and curious, but Vesemir can’t take his eyes off the lute. “My apologies, I… I forgot something in my chamber. Make yourselves at home, and… I’ll leave you to it.” He leaves without any further explanation, hastening to his quarters and abandoning the pair of them to their own devices. He can still feel their gazes drilling into his back but he suddenly feels weaker than usual.

---

“I heard there was a witcher skulking around this forest,” the spy says. Vesemir is almost relieved to hear them speak; he’s been glancing over his shoulder for nearly an hour now to try and reveal an invisible pursuer. He should’ve known he was right. Just because the spy doesn’t lumber like a human or reek of magic like a monster doesn’t mean he won’t be in trouble.

He stops in the middle of the path, still facing forward. He’s got a sneaking suspicion that the second he turns, a very unfriendly knife is going to introduce itself to his ribcage. Or perhaps an arrow, although he hasn’t heard the sound of anything and he’s been listening very closely.

His pursuer approaches. Fuck, they’re light on their feet. If Vesemir was just an average bandit, he’d be done for. He braces himself for an attack, balling his hands up into fists at his sides. The stranger continues, tone still pleasant enough, “Why not stay in town? A warm bed must beat trudging through mud in the early hours of the morning trying to find ground. I’ll give you some advice, witcher; there’s no dry ground. You’re heading towards a swamp.”

“They wouldn’t let me stay in town,” Vesemir admits, already grumpy. He whirls around and sees the stranger; a lean man, just slightly shorter than him. The long hood of their cloak casts a dark shadow over their face, blocking them from view. “If you’re here to rob me, I hate to disappoint, but you’ve followed me all this way for nothing.”

He holds up his empty coinpurse; not to prove himself, just to complain. The stranger titters, a lovely, high-pitched sound like glass clinking against glass, like chimes. Like birdsong. Vesemir’s eyes narrow. “That’s a shame,” they say. “You do love coin.”

There’s something disturbingly familiar about the words. Vesemir decides to gamble with his own life, stalking forward until he’s face to face with the stranger. Up close, his scent is even stronger. Frowning, Vesemir is about to reveal the man’s identity when he does it himself, pushing his hood back. His hair is tied up in complex braids unlike any Vesemir has ever seen, only a few loose strands hanging down over his forehead. But it would take more than a lifetime for Vesemir to forget that face.

“Fil,” he declares, delighted, and doesn’t think twice before crashing into the elf. Filavandrel laughs again and though it makes Vesemir feel a little silly, the sound still fills his heart with joy. He embraces his friend tightly, clinging to him for so long that both their boots sink down into the flooded dark soil of the forest. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s like I told you.” The elf pats the back of Vesemir’s neck, unwittingly sending a shiver down his spine. Vesemir’s grip tightens. “My scouts said I might find a witcher lost in the woods.”

“I’m not lost,” Vesemir grunts, finally pulling away. “I just… don’t know where I’m going.”

“Come to my camp,” suggests Filavandrel. As if he even had to ask.

Unsurprisingly, elves make their camps much differently than witchers do. When they arrive Vesemir doesn’t immediately see any sort of bedroll, and then he feels embarrassed for looking. He never feels this way around anyone else; he can make bawdy jokes with Sven or blatantly hit on Luka, but in the company of Filavandrel aén Fidháil, shame bursts through him so easily.

Maybe he just has a thing for pretty blondes who he leaves behind.

Except Fil is here, smiling indulgently as Vesemir gapes like a fool. “It’s nice,” he finally manages to say. “Want me to set a fire?”

“A campfire, sure. Not a big one,” Filavandrel teases. Swallowing, Vesemir turns to a firepit that the elf must have fashioned himself. He takes a bundle of wood that’s already been cut and easily ignites it, all the while trying to figure out why his heart is pounding so damn loud. Thank fuck that Filavandrel isn’t a witcher.

“Have you eaten?”

“No. You?”

“I was going to have some bread, and go hunting in the morning.” There’s a small noise and when Vesemir turns to look, his friend is holding out a large chunk of bread. It doesn’t even look that stale. Vesemir sees that Filavandrel has taken a much smaller piece for himself and growls about it, but the elf snatches the smaller piece away before Vesemir can lunge for it. “I don’t want to hear any self-sacrificial bullshit about how witchers don’t need to eat. Take the damn bread, Ves.”

“... Fine,” Vesemir relents, cowed. He accepts the bread, fingertips accidentally brushing over Filavandrel’s when he takes it. It’s fucking delicious, melting in his mouth almost instantly. Seeds and herbs have been baked into it too, and Vesemir savours every bite, moaning. “You should quit being a professional elf and start a new life as a baker, fuck.”

“I can do both. It’s an old recipe, needs a stone oven. And what does being a professional elf even mean?” Filavandrel reaches up to shove him, except they aren’t very far away from each other so the push nearly knocks Vesemir off his balance. Before he can tip over onto the grass Filavandrel grabs him by the collar of his gambeson and tugs him back, and, well. Vesemir may be a witcher, but parts of him are still human.

Neither of them has to say a word; he opens for Filavandrel like he’s been thinking of nothing but this since the second they laid eyes on each other. Honestly, he sort of has. Fil runs a hand over the shaved part of his head, pressing his palm against the back of his neck to pull him in closer. Vesemir moans, chasing the taste of something sweet and acidic and magic. It certainly isn’t the fucking bread.

Afterwards they lie together by the smoldering remains of the fire, both too spent to clean themselves or dress. Vesemir glances over at the cinders and thinks about making an exit soon. It isn’t that he doesn’t want to stay with Filavandrel. He’s comfortable here, especially right now, and his friend always makes his heart feel lighter. But the Path calls to him; lying here without his weapons or armour, Vesemir can nearly hear Deglan’s scolding. And that thought is enough to ruin anyone’s afterglow.

Before he can move, Filavandrel sits up, arching his back. Vesemir turns to watch him, nearly salivating at how he looks in the low firelight. His hair is radiant, and his skin isn’t nearly flushed enough. He’s beautiful. Ethereal. Selfishly, Vesemir wishes that he’d left more marks.

Fil climbs to his feet and crosses the campsite to retrieve something out of reach. Vesemir cranes his neck to try and peek, and Filavandrel laughs kindly at him. “I was just thinking that something’s missing.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” Vesemir says, lowering his head back down onto the ground. “I should have kissed you more.”

The elf pauses at that before finally demanding, “Kiss me later.” A note resounds through the air, clear and beautiful; then a chord, and another. Very soon their little clearing feels more like a fairy circle than a campground as Filavandrel plays music.

He finally walks into view, still naked, still beautiful. Now holding a lute. Vesemir tries to sit up so that he can properly see the performance but Filavandrel is faster, moving over him and then sitting atop his stomach, resting his back against Vesemir’s thighs. He plays the entire time, fingers moving adeptly over the instrument.

It’s a beautiful lute, probably made of some holy dark red wood. The golden design etched into it is mesmerizing, and the strings could have been plucked from the mane of a unicorn. Vesemir hardly spares it any attention, too wrapped up in the sight of a naked Filavandrel straddling him and singing.

He’ll only realize decades later that the elf was probably trying to court him.

Someone knocks on the door to his chambers and Vesemir jumps to his feet, caught off-guard by the sound that plucked him from his memories. He finds Jaskier waiting outside his room, toying idly with the sleeves of his doublet. Vesemir shakes his head, holding the door open for Jaskier even as he apologizes. “I’m sorry for running out earlier. I meant to give you a tour of the Keep, hopefully Geralt will have stepped up in my absence, but I am sorry—”

“No— please,” Jaskier interrupts. Once more he pulls his lute from around himself, holding it out to Vesemir. “I just… Your countenance changed dramatically upon seeing this, so…”

Fuck. “Yes,” Vesemir sighs, staring at the lute. Jaskier has managed to keep it in good condition after all this time. “I… Filavandrel and I are old friends.”

The bard’s eyes bulge out of his head but he enters Vesemir’s chambers, heading straight to the desk to perch on the edge of the chair. Vesemir finds another chair for himself, moving its previous occupant— a stack of books— onto the floor. In his defence, he hadn’t expected the tour of Kaer Morhen to begin in his personal chambers.

“He didn’t mention knowing any other witchers,” Jaskier hums. “How did you meet him?”

“You’re sure you want to know? It’s sort of a long story.” The bard just nods, eager and polite. Instantly Vesemir can see why Geralt likes him. “Alright,” he obliges, reaching for the bottle of wine on the desk. They’re going to need it. “We met long before you would have been born…”

---

South of Kaedwen, the seasons are more aligned than any other part of the Continent. The winters are crisp, the summers lazy. Filavandrel likes to spend his summers here, where the canopy of trees is thick enough to provide shade but thin enough to provide colour. Everything is verdant, the flowers calling to him as he passes each one. When he was a child he had longed to visit towns and experience human delights like festivals but now he knows better. The elves live off the land well enough anyway.

Some of the younger people in his company these days have that same yearning, and some of them even manage it. One elf who resembles Toruviel always runs off to see some different show, take in some new performance. If Filavandrel thought that she could get away with it, he would pay for her to attend Oxenfurt— she’s very good. And the upside of her risking her life just to listen to music is that she’s got a very good memory, and she always brings the songs back home.

Today she’s singing some new ode to a witcher; not that bigoted anthem of lies that the bastard warbler from Posada somehow spread through the Continent, thank the Gods. This one seems to revolve more around making the right choice, and how a real hero does good deeds not for coin or his own profit, but just to be good. Filavandrel thinks about the few witchers that he’s had the misfortune of contacting over the years, and under his breath he scoffs.

Cheesy chorus aside, the lyrics seem to have some merit. The first verse is all about some terrible monster that was taking young girls, transforming them into half-beasts. The hero witcher’s judgement fails him and he blames himself for years, even losing a lover in the process. Filavandrel scowls; despite his own experiences with witches, he doesn’t want to listen to a song written by yet another prejudiced bard.

Then the third verse lands. The witcher grows old and wise and has children of his own, and he regrets his inaction and he tries to reach out to contact his lover. But at that point his lover, who devoted his life to protecting those in danger, was too busy being King of the Silver Towers. Filavandrel stops dead in his tracks as he realizes which witcher this must have been inspired by.

The elven king huffs, starting to compose a route in his head. He thinks a trip up north is long overdue.

#vesemir #filavandrel #nightmare of the wolf #the witcher nightmare of the wolf #geraskier fic #my writing #hey did anyone else see young vesemir talking to his friend fil in the bath and think we were gonna get a Bath Scene Part Two: The Remix?

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harbouredsoulss · 4 years

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Is There Somewhere?

Author’s note: I was inspired by Halsey’s Is There Somewhere (at least parts of it) which I absolutely love! I am so new to writing fanfiction on tumblr so please bare with me as I work things out. Also any tips on how to navigate the writing world of tumblr would be greatly appreciated, I mainly used to write my fanfiction on Wattpad which is completely different (obviously) than tumblr. I never really got into the whole [y/n] within fanfiction so I have kind of just avoided mentioning Angel’s SO’s name and wrote this from first person perspective. I really hope this is okay. I really hope people enjoy this! Please let me know if you want more, of this or other stuff. I am excited to (hopefully) work on any submissions and other bits of drabble here and there!

Right now I am only wanting to work on Ez and Angel Reyes, Coco, possibly Miguel and a few others. My main focus atm will be Angel and Ez. I love them fellas. I am so nervous about posting this. I have read through it so many times since finishing it. I hope its okay. I have had to stop myself from reading through it again otherwise I will never post it.

Anyways, here is to my first Mayans fic! 💖

Angel Reyes X [OC]

Warnings: sex & swearing - 18 +

Word count: 1.4k words

Summary: Based off a bit of dialogue I thought up “What if for one night we just got out of here. Leave this place behind. If only for a moment”.

Angel is confronted with his SO’s confession of wanting to escape their home for a brief period of time whilst the club and his home, Santo Padre struggle to survive. This is set at the end of S2 beginning of S3 [Eps 1&2] *NO SPOILERS FOR S3*

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“What if we just left Santo Padre.”

“What… like right now?

“Yes.”

“Just leave. It doesn’t have to be long. Just long enough to breath.”

Our fingers were intertwined, with my back against his chest I could feel every intake of breath. I brought his knuckles to my lips kissing them gently. I could see the faint bruising and scarring that littered them. I knew it was not self-inflicted and the chances were the person on the other end looked worse, but I still wished I could kiss the scars away.

His fingers were soft as the traced my left arm. Up and down. I found so much comfort – safety, in these arms.

“With everything that’s going on...” I trailed off not knowing where to continue.

These thoughts have been ringing through my mind for weeks. As had the fear. Fear of rejection. I knew how much being here meant to him. But I needed him; I need this time to just be with him. Before it all comes crashing down.

I could feel his eyes on me.

My head rested perfectly underneath his chin, my body flush against his chest, and legs intertwined with his. Yet I knew he was watching me. Every shallow, shaky intake of breath as I tried to form words. But he didn’t stop touching me. His fingers continued to move. Up and down.

“I know you have the club and your pop… Angel and I am not- I’d never ask you to leave forever… Shit…”

Everything that came out sounded wrong.

Taking a deep breath, I continued. Releasing myself from his hold I twisted around and looked up at him. He looked so relaxed and impassive; I couldn’t read him. This was new for me, usually he was easy to read.

Caressing his cheek slowly I dragged my hand down his face, his neck, traced his collar bone and felt my way to his chest, splaying my hands on the thin shirt separating our skin. I could see his tattoos peeking through the white material.

“I know how much the club means to you, Angel, and you know I would never ask you to leave them for me. I just-everything has been so intense lately. I just want space from it all and I want you with me. I just want things to go back to normal, and fuck. I know things will never be normal again. I just want one moment – maybe a few.” I chuckled, looking back up into his eyes, silently begging, “Just to get me through these months with you out risking your ass.”

Trailing off I didn’t know what else to say without actually begging. Everything had been laid out on the table. It was all up to him now.

Staring deep into his eyes my mind continued to whirl with so many thoughts.

Would he consider it? I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he wanted me – that he loved me, but was it enough?

Things were hard now, Angel was needed. We all were.

I knew deep down that it wouldn’t be the end if he said no., I would feel incredibly insecure, silly and stupid but we would move on. Probably end up screwing our brains out and just move on… and I would be okay with that. At least... I would tell myself that – convince myself if need be.

It wouldn’t stop the fear though. I knew what has coming – hell its already arrived. Border shut-down. The DOJ moving in on the Cartel and the Mayans – Angel. I couldn’t lose him. He couldn’t lose me. Even just the thought alone was dangerous.

I scrunched his shirt in the palm of my hand, and brought it back down using my fingers to smooth out the crinkles. I looked back up and found his gaze locked on the doorway across the room. Biting my lip, I bit back the disappointment.

“Angel,” I pleaded, “can you look at me please, baby.”

He took a moment, which felt like an eternity. But slowly he turned his gaze back to me. I smiled faintly. It was probably cringeworthy. But I tried. I waited for something – anything. A smirk, a smile. Hell, I would have taken a chuckle at this point.

I couldn’t get a read on him. I could see the wheels turning in his mind but seeing and knowing were two different things and I had to know – I just had to. Would we stay or would we go?

More time had passed in silence with nothing but our breathing filling up the space in the room. Shaking my head, I propped myself on the sofa preparing to move and leave.

“Fine. It was a stupid idea, forget it.”

Before I could even blink, Angel had leaned forward, grabbing my wrist, he dragged me back down, bringing my face within an inch of his own – a breath apart. Lips grazing one another’s. I took a shallow breath, not in fear but anticipation.

“I can’t…” breathing heavily. Letting me go, he gripped my neck, “If you had asked me this a year ago, I would have said no. But I am so fucking in love with you, mi amor, I can’t lose you.”

“I’m right here Angel.”

I claimed his lips quickly in a burst of desperation. I needed him. I needed to feel him. Feel something.

His grip on my neck tightened as he kissed me deeper. My hands splayed across his chest keeping myself upright as I kissed him fiercely. The man I loved .

I was feral with need. I gripped his kutte, dragging it down his shoulders. Our mouths separated briefly in our desperate need to become closer.

One by one our clothes were strewn across the living room floor, our naked bodies intertwined. The swell of my breasts pressed to his naked chest, hands groping his naked flesh.

“Angel,” I whimpered as his mouth found the crook of my neck, lips puckering as he sucked. Teeth bared against flesh nipping my skin.

“Fuck,” he breath heavily against my skin, “you’re so fucking wet,” fingers lighting tracing my pussy, fingers massaging my clit.

Pulling away briefly, his hands gripped my hips, grinding me down against his length, rubbing my sensitive flesh against him, up and down. The pressure began to build slowly.

I was hazy with lust as I looked at him through half-lidded eyes.

Releasing my waist, he let me begin to pick up the pace, his hands found my breast, fingers tweaking my nipple as I rubbed myself against him.

“I need you,” he whispered breathlessly, my breast engulfing his mouth.

I leaned back, mouth still latched to my skin, my hand gripping his cock, lining him at my entrance.

In unison gasps left our mouths as his cock pushed its way inside me.

I lifted myself up, feeling him slide ever so slowly out, and pushed myself down. I repeated this over and over at a leisurely pace. I revelled in the feel of him inside me, and our sticky bodies connected as one.

Sweat slicked across his forehead.

He was watching me as I rode him, one hand playing with my nipple, tweaking the little bud, whilst the other rubbed my clit – over and over.

I took my time with Angel, riding him at a slow pace. It was torture, but I loved it. We needed this. To just feel each other. I could have done this forever.

Yet Angel needed more.

He needed to feel like he owned me. That he had me.

“Fuck me papi,” I moaned, “Fuck me hard.”

The sound of skin on skin slapping together echoed throughout the house. As did our moans, and my screams for Angel to not stop – to never stop fucking me. The pressure was building higher and higher as Angel pounded me harder and harder, my fingers rubbing furiously against my clit.

Nails dug deep into the flesh of his shoulders as we got further to chasing our orgasms. Blood seeping from the cuts.

“I’m gonna fucking cum.”

Those were his last words he uttered before spilling himself inside me.

I screamed his name as I felt himself spurt inside, taking me with him. My body shook as my orgasm washed through me, my lips seeking his once again as I rode him slowly through it. His cock slipped out briefly, trailing his cum over his skin. I slipped him back inside not done with the feel of him inside me.

It took a few moments of contentment and calm to wash over us. We were still in our post-sex haze, drunk on each other. He was still inside me, his cum leaking out onto our skin, and onto the sofa.

“I take that as a yes?” I breathed, smirking.

All I got in response was his lips on mine, hands massaging my ass, cock hardening inside me.

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august-anon · 3 years

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Tickle Monster

sequel to Tickletober 2020 Day 13 - “Wake Up!”

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Someone on ao3 asked about a sequel to that fic literally in October of 2020, and mentioned it again in Jan of this year, and I’m finally posting this. I am so sorry this took ages, whoever you were, I hope you enjoy this lol

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Fandom: Gravity Falls

Ship(s): Gen!!!!!!

Characters (lee/ler): Lee!Ford,Mabel,Dipper,Stan, Ler!Ford,Mabel,Dipper,Stan

Word Count: 1720 words

Summary: Dipper and Mabel complete their mission, distracting Great Uncle Ford, with flying colors. Unfortunately for them (and for Stan), Ford knows how to fight back.

[ao3 link]

ALSO: warnings for some light angst in the beginning because apparently i can’t write Ford as not angsty lol

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Ford sighed as he watched Stanley go, that lost, desperate look still in his eyes. He really didn’t know what to do to help him at this point, and that hurt more than Ford had been prepared for.

It seemed that he just kept failing people.

He started this whole thing. He came to Gravity Falls in the first place. He brought Bill into this world. He was foolish and naive and power-hungry enough to listen to Bill’s lies. He built the portal Bill wanted, not considering the dangers. And he failed to protect his family, Stan especially.

And now his own brother could barely remember him.

Ford forced himself out of his thoughts as he moved toward the refrigerator. He said he’d make breakfast, so that’s what he’d do. Eggs could be easy enough, maybe even omelettes? Or perhaps pancakes, they were probably easy, right? They were just flour and eggs… and maybe they had some sugar in them? He’d figure it out.

He let out a bitter smile as happy, childish laughter rang out from the attic. Stan was a far better great-uncle than he was, even with his lapses in memory. It wasn’t really all that surprising to Ford.

Ford hadn’t really made all that much effort to be good with the kids, after all. Yet another failure of his.

He continued to struggle with breakfast, his bowl of pancake batter looking more like foaming grey sludge than anything edible. It seemed his multitudes of knowledge didn’t extend to cooking. He was debating starting over, maybe trying to actually find a recipe somewhere in this old shack, when he heard tiny footsteps thundering down the stairs.

“Great Uncle Ford!” Twin voices rang out.

Ford turned away from the counter, plastering a smile on his face that was probably more of a grimace. Dipper and Mabel slid into the kitchen on socked feet, giddy and giggling. A far cry from the tear-streaked faces he saw when he checked on them at night, making sure they were still there and alive, and finding them curled together in one of their tiny twin beds, clearly shaken by nightmares.

“Hello, kids,” he said. “You’re rather awake for the early hour.”

Mabel gave him a mischievous grin. “We’ve been tasked with distracting you.”

Ford furrowed his brow. “What--”

The two launched themselves at him and Ford’s eyes went wide in shock. He reached out to catch them so that they wouldn’t slip and hit the floor (tile floor and heads did not mix, Ford remembered that well from tussling with Stanley back in the day), but in doing so he overbalanced himself, toppling backwards and taking the kids down with him.

Before he could even begin to process what had just happened, and just what Mabel had meant by distracting him, he had two tiny bodies on top of him, pressing him into the tile. They had matching devilish grins focused on him, and Ford wondered what the hell Stanley had told them, and whether or not he needed to get up and run.

“Grunkle Stan told us about a monster that you might not have in your journals,” Dipper said, leaning forward.

Ford scrunched his face up in confusion. Was this just a distraction, as they said, or was Dipper telling the truth? Just as he opened his mouth to ask for clarification, Mabel leaned forward as well.

“Yeah, yeah! It’s such a cool monster, too! You know what it is?”

Ford shook his head, playing along. “No, what is this monster?” Perhaps if he placated them, he could get back to making breakfast before Stanley came back down and saw his pitiful progress.

Dipper and Mable exchanged an evil glance and grinned down at him. They raised their hands, fingers shaped in claws and wiggling wildly, and Ford felt a spark of recognition run through him. His eyes widened before they even answered.

“The Tickle Monster!” They shouted in unison.

And then, before he could even blink or think to defend himself, he had four tiny hands wiggling into all sorts of sensitive places. Ford tossed his head back against the tile and snickered quietly, trying to keep the worst of his laughter in. He couldn’t let two children best him!

But Mabel’s fingernails were wreaking havoc on the nerves of his ribs and neck, and Dipper’s fingertips digging into his sides and stomach weren’t serving him much better. He forgot how uncoordinated he got when he was tickled, not having been subjected to it since before Stanley got kicked out when they were younger. His hands were flailing everywhere, unable to latch onto either twin and save himself from their playful torture.

“No no no, you’re doing it all wrong,” a voice called out from the entryway.

Ford felt a mix of dread, excitement, and anticipation fill his belly when he saw Stanley standing there. It only grew when he saw the spark of recognition in his eyes as he stalked closer.

“You gotta do it like this,” Stanley told the kids, and unceremoniously stuffed his hands into Ford’s armpits, scribbling away.

Ford howled, curling in on himself as best he could with two almost-teens still sitting on top of him and Stan looming over top of them all. He cackled madly and he could feel the tears building up in his eyes the longer the playful torment went on. It was so embarrassing, so humiliating, so…

Fun.

It felt kind of nice to let loose and laugh like he was, something he hadn’t done in a long time. The fingers driving him insane left him with no chance to overthink things as he usually did. All he could do was laugh and squirm and gasp for air.

The tickling abruptly halted and Ford sucked in a much-needed breath. He was naive to think it was over, however, because Stanley only grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head before grinning at the kids. A nervous, playful, fluttering feeling filled his stomach, and he shot a look down at the kids.

“Have at it,” Stanley said.

Dipper and Mabel laughed before darting forward, burying their hands into his armpits. Ford was lost to his hysteria once more, only this time it was worse. His hands were pinned, he could even pretend like he was trying to defend himself from their dancing fingers, and he was too weak from laughter to tug his hands back.

Just when Ford was finally reaching his limit, he tilted his head back and made teary eye-contact with Stanley. Stanley gave him a smirk and a wink before releasing his wrists and setting Ford free.

Ford shot up, still laughing, and tackled Dipper and Mabel to the ground, careful to cushion their fall and avoid any injuries.

“Do you know what’s even worse than a Tickle Monster?” He asked, voice hoarse from the laughter his vocal cords were no longer used to.

Dipper and Mabel were giggling and squirming, clearly having picked up on where this was going, but neither made an attempt to escape. They shook their heads.

Ford raised his hands, fingers curled threateningly into claws, just as they had done to him. “A six-fingered Tickle Monster.”

Dipper and Mable squealed as his hands darted forward, the two soon lost to childish shrieks and cackles as he tickled away. The wide grin still hadn’t left Ford’s lips, even as his cheeks and eyes began to dry from his own mirthful tears. He even let out a few more chuckles at particularly silly sounds the kids made.

Maybe he wasn’t such a failure with them, after all.

But there was still one thing missing from their morning full of laughter. Ford turned around, slowing his ticklish assault on the kids, searching out Stanley. He stood at the counter, a new mixing bowl in front of him, making something that looked a lot closer to pancake batter than Ford’s attempt was.

Oh well, can’t win them all.

“Don’t think you’re off the hook,” Ford growled playfully.

Stanley froze, his body tense, and he slowly turned around to face Ford, a nervous smile spreading across his lips. His hands were raised in surrender, and he looked ready to bolt at any moment.

“You were just so sad this morning,” Stanley tried to reason with him, “I thought the kids could help cheer you up.”

Ford raised an eyebrow. “If I remember correctly, you were rather melancholy earlier, as well.”

They stared each other down, trapped in their little stand-off as Dipper and Mabel giggled quietly behind Ford. Then, Stanley tried to bolt, but Ford was much faster, the two of them crashing to the floor in no time. He quickly got Stanley pinned underneath him.

“Any last words?”

Stanley scowled (though Ford could see the amusement dancing in his eyes, so he wasn’t too worried), but Ford never actually gave him the chance to speak. He dug his fingers in, skittering around with no rhyme or reason as he mentally catalogued Stanely’s tickle spots. Eventually, he settled on Stanley’s ribs, the left side, the second rib from the top (that always used to get him screaming), as well as the little patch of skin on the right side on Stanley’s stomach, just a couple inches under his ribcage (that always used to get him begging for mercy). Stanley yelled and burst out into wild laughter, shoving at Ford’s hands but being too weak to stop him.

“You little--” Stanley started to yell through his laughter, but Ford cut him off.

“Ah ah ah, there are children present, Stanley.”

Stanley only cackled louder. Though that could have also been due to the fact that Ford had upped his tickling.

But speak of the devil and he shall appear, for the kids chose that moment to again make themselves known. Dipper attached himself to Ford’s back, shoving his hands into Ford’s armpits and clumsily tickling away. Mabel, on the other hand, launched herself into Stanley’s chest and started scribbling away at his stomach and sides.

Alright, Ford thought. The kids want a tickle fight? I’ll give them a tickle fight. And he dove back into the fray.

Needless to say, breakfast soon became brunch and the Shack was filled with laughter for a long time to come.

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cunningambitousdetermined · 4 years

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I Loved You (young!Sirius x Reader)

um ok so i've never written anything and posted it somewhere before but i saw @vogueweasley's 1k writing challenge and i decided why not. actually there are many reasons not to but i hope that someone will have some form of constructive criticism. so yeah, worst case if you hate it um sorry. and thanks @vogueweasley for giving me an oppurtunity. i decided to do sirius x reader (even though i ship wolfstar sorry) here it goes with the prompt: "Did it mean anything to you?" Did I mean anything to you?"

Sirius Black was in love. That was the fact of the matter. Anyone who knew him from Hogwarts would have said that it was a lie. It would pass. Sirius Black, in love? The playboy of Hogwarts, breaker of all hearts? He was in love? It was a phase, they said, she wouldn’t last. If Y/N was being honest, she hadn’t thought it would last either. She was right.

It had all started when Remus Lupin had introduced them on the train their first year. Y/N was Remus’s best friend and had ever since he could remember. Growing up, they read books, drew pictures and did everything together. She was there after every full moon. She would read books to Remus and bring silly old movies. She was a muggleborn so it had been quite a shock to her and her parents when they found out about Remus’s family. But Y/N had been there when he’d been bitten. They had been sleeping in a tent in the basement of Remus’s house when Greyback had tore threw the window and attacked. She remember every part of that night. The breaking of the short windows, glass shattering, the growling, the tearing of flesh. Greyback’s face was what haunted Remus’s nightmares but his screams haunted hers. When Y/N received her letter, her parents were thrilled, not to mention Remus, who was ecstatic at the prospect of spending all their time in school together. Y/N had left to go change when Sirius Black and James Potter slipped into Remus’s compartment. From what Remus gathered, they had bumped into each other after Sirius pranked his family and James helped him escape. Y/N proudly straightened her tie, she was a witch. She was going to Hogwarts, with Rem. Her giddy smile hadn’t left her face since she had gotten the letter. Diagon Alley was even better. Her mum and dad hadn’t come but Hope and Lyall had taken her with pleasure. They took her to all the shops and helped her buy everything. Remus had laughed at her star struck face when she proclaimed loudly “I love magic!”. She never wanted to leave.

She walked briskly back to Remus with a bounce in her step. Only an hour or so and they would be there. She heard voices and laughter coming from the compartment and wondered if Remus had already made new friends. She smiled at the thought, he had been so scared to come. Being the first werewolf he was afraid of anyone knowing. She had assured him that nothing would happen and he would make lots of friends, and looked like she was right. She slid the door open, a proud smirk gracing her features.

“Y/N!” Remus leaped up and pulled her to the seat next to him. Next to her sat a boy with dark brown unruly hair and glasses perched on his nose. His smile scrunched up his blue eyes and brought out his rather large dimples. The boy across from them was what really caught her eye. He had chin length black hair and the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. When he smiled, his whole face lit up. “Y/N, meet Sirius Black”

That was the start of a friendship that rivaled her and Remus. Despite being a Hufflepuff, she was an honorary Marauder. In her second year, she learned to become an Animagus to help Remus. Remus had been furious and terrified but he would be forever grateful for her sacrifice. In her third year, the rest of the Marauders found out and became Animagus themselves. James, a stag. Peter, a rat. Sirius and her were dogs. Except she was golden where he was black. They were inseparable. And it was no secret that no matter how many girls Sirius slept with, there was only one that was on his mind.

Sirius Black had been in love in like with Y/N for years. He had found her stunning on the train but he was young and naive then. He had since grown up and become someone new. They were the best of friends. Sirius and her were both Beaters on their quidditch teams leading to a never ending rivalry. But, it was the way she listened that set her apart from the rest. There had been one particular night when he had just gotten a letter from home. The letter was all sorts of cruel and no matter how hard he tried to keep his bad boy façade up, all he wanted to do was cry. Remus and Y/N were reading to each other, as they did often in an armchair in the common room when Sirius had sped by, tears in his eyes. Y/N had barely glanced at Remus before she quickly followed him. Sirius burst into his dorm and threw himself on the bed. He then proceeded to punch the wall. Again, and again, and again. Suddenly, a soft hand pulled his back from the wall. “Siri, Siri stop...” It was Y/N. Dimly aware of the tears streaming down his face, he had let her drag him to his bed and wipe his tears. She had bundled him up in her arms, his head in her lap as he sobbed and sobbed for at least 30 minutes. When all his tears had run out and he was finally aware of himself again. His cheeks flamed as he realized how he had let Y/N see him. Crying and angry. He made to get up but your hand that was running through his hair stilled and she pulled it away but kept him on the bed with a firm pull.

“Y/N- I- Let’s just forget this. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to have you see that” he muttered as he again tried to pull away. He hated himself. A disgrace. Embarrassment. Right now the only thing he wanted to do was cave. Fall asleep and never wake up. Ever. He hated himself and for her to see him as himself without any mask, she was sure to hate him too. “Just go” he mumbled. She silenced him with a stern look. Then she softened and pressed her hand to his cheek, thumbing over his tear stains.

“Siri, let me help you. You need to let someone help you. What’s going on?” Maybe it was something about her eyes, so deep and pleading. Or maybe it was her soft smile or her thumb running over his cheekbone that made him spill it all to her. He told her everything. His parents, the shunning, the yelling. She had listened, flinching along the way. And when he was done, she had told him things that no one had said to him before. She had promised that she would always be there. Her soft voice and words eased him and slowly his tears stopped. And she had held him for the rest of the night, rocking him until he fell asleep, her words ringing in his head. “You are perfect, Sirius Orion Black, and to hell with anyone who thinks you’re not”

That wasn’t the last time that he had cried to her, spilled his secrets. He found himself going to her, letting his guard down. When he was happy and, most of the time, in trouble, she was there to help him plan his next prank. And when he was sad, most of all then, she was there to help him. She tore up his letters and comforted him. Her soft nature at those times was such a soothing presence in contrast to his anger and self loathing. He had never let himself be so vulnerable with anyone. And maybe that was why he found himself falling harder and harder for her every day.

“REMUS LUPIN!” Y/N cried, “YOU LET ME GO THIS INSTANT!” She was laughing as Remus continued to run through Hogsmeade with Y/N thrown over his shoulder. Sirius couldn’t deny that it made a little bit of green tinge the ends of his vision. “Ya know, Moony, I never realized you had such a nice arse...” she remarked with a chuckle. Remus threw her down into the soft snow and stuck his tongue out at her. She laughed and reached a hand out for Remus to help her up. Sirius could see the look in her eye from here, Remus was done for. Remus grabbed her hand but she dug her feet into the snow and yanked him down with her. He yelped and crashed down, half on top of her. Sirius laughed but couldn’t help the pit in his stomach as she leaned in and whispered something in Moony’s ear. He looked away, he didn’t want to see it. Moony burst out laughing but Sirius didn’t take his eyes off of James, who was enthralled at the new Cleansweep broom.

Thunk. Something cold and wet had hit Sirius’s hair. He whipped around, snow dripping down his cheek and that’s why Y/N erupted in laughter. She was doubled over, cheeks red and hand clapped over her mouth as she lost it. Something about the shock on Sirius’s face with the snow falling off his hair and Y/N’s contagious laughter made Remus join in. The pair rolled around in the snow, cackling. Sirius grinned, so this was how they wanted to play it. While they laughed at him, he balled up his fist with snow and prepared to throw. Y/N squealed, her smile still lighting up her whole face. “No, no, SIRIUS, NO!!:” Sirius and Remus exchanged a look and Remus dove out of the way as Sirius launched his first snowball. “TRAITOR!” she yelled at Remus, “Traitor!” Her heart was light and her smile wide as she watched the joy on Sirius’s face. It had been a while since she’d really seen him just let go. She was so caught up, she didn’t see Remus aiming until a snowball hit her scarf and slid down her sweater. Remus widened his eyes, that was not good. “Oh really, Moony, I don’t think so...” she narrowed her eyes at him. James had turned around and not one to miss out, ran to help her. “Thank you James,” she smiled sweetly, “At least some of you are decent,” she teased, looking back at Sirius and Remus.

James smirked, he was a man on a mission. Make Sirius jealous. “Of course love. Anytime” he winked and wrapped his arm around her waist. He saw the muscles in Sirius’s hand flex at the movement and smirked. This was too easy. Y/N had already begun collected all her snowballs and started to pummel the boys with them. Remus was running back and forth, screaming, trying to avoid James’s deadly aim. Y/N was laughing so hard her jaw hurt as she attacked Sirius with snowballs. Her whole body felt warm and fuzzy, this was a Patronus worthy moment.

As the Marauders trudged back to Hogwarts, sopping wet and drunk on happiness, James kept his arm around Y/N and let her take his scarf. Sirius refused to look at them. His stomach clenched at the sight of James’s hand on her waist. When they had made it back to the boy’s dorm, Y/N rifled through James’s things until she came back from the bathroom, clean and warm, in James’s quidditch jumper and an old pair of leggings she’d left a while ago. His heart fell when he saw her leap onto James’s bed and put her head on his shoulder. His happy mood vanished as she laughed at something James was saying. He plopped on his bed, it was supposed to be his bed she was getting warm in, his jokes she was laughing at and his clothes she was wearing! He grabbed the map and watched the people float around, just having a good time. The weather was perfect for sledding and ice skating and that seemed to be where most kids were.

Unfortunately, he was still subject to Y/N and James laughing and talking. The closer James leaned in to her, the more his anger bubbled. James knew! The prat knew he was in love with her! And he was still doing it! Yes, he knew he wasn’t good enough for her, but come on! Right in front of him? His anger reached it’s peak when James leaned in to her ear and pulling away, pressed a feather light kiss to her cheek. Whatever James had said had made her laugh lightly and her already pink cheeks to flush brilliant red. Then with a last wink, James hopped up and left the room. No bye or anything, it was a bit odd actually. Remus gave Sirius a meaningful look as he crossed the room and followed James out, Peter scurrying after them.

Sirius shot her a confused look only to find that she wasn’t looking at him. Her eyes were trained on James’s jumper sleeves as she pulled and twisted it. His anger rose again as he remembered who’s jumper you were wearing and the kiss that had come along with it. “Well why don’t you go after your boyfriend, Y/N?” he sneered. Her head jerked up in confusion. The way he said boyfriend had been with such disgust. Even the way he said her name. He sounded like Malfoy and those pureblood snobs.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” She shot back, James and his stupid plan. Why had she done this? He claimed that he had made Sirius jealous but she knew that the boy didn’t have feelings her. All she’d done was make him angry. She was going to murder James if Sirius wasn’t her friend anymore after watching James disgustingly flirt with her all afternoon.

“Well, you sure looked pretty cozy!” Sirius yelled, he was furious, all his pent up emotions leading to one big explosion. He leapt up from his bed and stormed over to where Y/N sat, her legs dangling over the edge of James’s bed, and planted himself between her legs.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Y/N whispered, he was so close, his grey eyes swirling with emotion. Anger, sadness, and maybe something more, she didn’t know. She inhaled and his scent of sugar and campfire filled her nose. Sirius looked down at her, his eyes flicking to her lips, the lips that he had been tortured by for years. And he kissed her. His hands cupped her cheeks and he ran his thumbs across her face. She stilled, shocked, was this real? But she didn’t think on it as she kissed him back, hands threading through his dark locks, pulling him down. Sirius groaned and pulled away, looking at this wonderful girl. She smiled shyly and tucked a piece of his hair behind his ear. Yeah, he was a goner.

That was the start of probably the happiest time in Sirius’s life. And Y/N’s. Sirius was the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. They had been best friends before so they slipped very easily into the relationship. Y/N started spending less time in her dorm and more time asleep in Sirius’s bed. She had been the first to say ‘I love you’ because she did. She really did. And when she had, Sirius had been shocked. She loved him? His body had gone into overdrive and he just started crying. He was so goddamn lucky. Unbeknownst to Y/N, he watched her every minute of every day. He admired her. And she was his world. Without her, he didn’t know what he would do. His whole being ached for her when he was at the Potters. When they left school that summer and he went home to that desolate place that held no meaning to him, he was miserable. His muscles felt to weak to do anything and his mind just told him to go to sleep and never wake up. 2 weeks in, he hadn’t even gotten up the courage to open Y/N’s letters. It made his heart hurt just to see her owl drop them off. So naturally when she showed up at his house while his parents were at the Malfoy Gala, he was shocked. His summer turned from his worst to his best. When no one was around, she crept back in and they spent the summer playing quidditch and cuddling by the fire. Sleepy kisses on tired eyes, quiet ‘I love you’s’. Sirius would watch her as she slept in his arms, his clothes, in his bed and he would cry. Softly and not out of pain, but out of happiness. This girl, she had brought him back to Earth, gave him a reason to live. She was his home. His silk sheets would tangle her legs and his old muggle shirts would fall to her knees and he couldn’t have been happier. He had been drowning and she had saved him. She had brought him back to life.

They were blissfully unaware that they had made a fatal mistake. Regulus. Regulus saw her come in and out and saw them fly around, laughing and loving each other like no one else could see them. But he could and when his mother asked him questions, he didn’t lie.

“I love you” Sirius whispered into Y/N’s hair, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” She was wrapped in his covers as they just sat, enjoying being with each other. He relaxed against her and she sighed happily.

“I love you too Siri”

Their sixth year at Hogwarts had come. They were closer then ever after the summer they had spent together. Classes were the same but something had changed. Y/N was just so so happy. She felt invincible. But, she wasn’t. She was mortal and she could still feel pain.

She walked down the corridor after Charms, parting with Sirius and headed back to her dorm to change out of her uniform. She was cheerily walking, book in hand as she skimmed the pages, making sure she didn’t run into anyone. When she glanced up next, a group of Slytherins stood at the end of the hall, just where she needed to turn to get to the common room. It was Regulus, Sirius’s brother, and some of Sirius’s cousins. She pasted on a smile and made to pass them, not wanting any trouble. You’re fine, she reassured herself but her racing heartbeat said otherwise. She strode past them and gave Regulus a small nod. Just as she thought she was home free, a hand flipped out and grabbed her arm. Her whole body froze and she swallowed a scream. Regulus had her by the arm and marched her down the opposite corridor to an empty corner.

“Regulus! Let me go!” Y/N whispered, “Sirius will hurt you, and I don’t want that.” Even though he had trapped her here, she still felt the urge to protect him. He was Sirius’s family after all.

“I’m just trying to help you Y/N” he replied, “I won’t beat around the bush. You can’t see Sirius.” The frustration in Y/N spiked into anger, fire licking at her insides.

“You cannot tell me what to do! Sirius is my boyfriend, who are you to say differently?” She spat at him, disgusted. Stop seeing Sirius, he must be insane.

“Please, it’s for your own good.” he said and handed her a stack of papers. She looked down at them in confusion. “I found them in his room,” Regulus dropped his voice “My mum found out too, and she wrote you a letter as well,” He dropped another letter into her hand. This one was sealed in an envelope. She made to turn away but Regulus was looking at her expectantly.

“You want me to open them here?” She asked, incredulous. “What do they say?” Regulus just shook his head and slid down to sit on the floor. He patted the spot next to him. Y/N sighed and sat down and opened the first letter.

Dear Miss Y/N,

It was recently brought to our attention that our Sirius was in a relationship with you. Now, as we are sure you are aware, we cannot have someone like you sullying the name Black. We hope this letter finds you in good health and able to fulfill our wishes. I, Walburga Black, command you to break off all relations with my son, Sirius Orion Black. You are not and never will be good enough for this house. You are nothing, nothing but a filthy mudblood. You ruin my son and you will only further his destruction. If you do not comply, I do hope that you understand that we will do everything in our power to stop this. But, I believe you are a smart child, for a mudblood, and I hope that I will not have to waste anymore time or breath on you.

The Noble House of Black

“Your joking, right?” Y/N laughed, “I couldn’t do that to him, I wouldn’t! I don’t care about some Noble House of Black!” She again went to get up but Regulus caught her wrist.

“Y/N, I don’t want you to have to do this either, but I think you should. Look at the notes from Sirius. He wrote those this summer. I found them and then my mum gave me the letter. I don’t want my mum to be the reason you break it off but there’s more to the story. I just don’t want you getting hurt in the end.” Anyone else would’ve told her that there was no way he really cared, but Y/N insisted upon seeing the good in everyone so she sat down again and opened the notes.

June 28

Y/N came to see me. Dear god, that women is going to be the death of me. Y/N smiled, remembering the day she had snuck in. I can’t wait to tell Mum all about how I had her, in the bed she bought for me. The filthy mudblood tangled in her sheets that she bought. Y/N’s face fell along with her heart. Mudblood? He would never. Y/N, so naïve, really thinks I’d be into her. That’s what makes it perfect. She would never guess that her only purpose is to spite my mother. Like I really care. It doesn’t help that I get sex. I mean I could have any girl but damn, she gave herself to me to fast. Even I didn’t know I was that good. Either way, she has to find out eventually. I mean I can’t marry her. Mudblood. Imagine that. She’s not even pretty. Kind of fat actually. More hips then I normally see...

The notes went on and on and on. Y/N felt her heart crack and shatter. Tears streamed down her face. She was just a mudblood that he had used. She felt dumb and most of all, betrayed.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N” Regulus said, “I just wanted to make sure you knew.” She turned away in an a

She didn’t respond just gathered the letters and fled. In her dorm, she flopped on to her bed and just cried. She cried for the boy who she thought loved her, who she still loved. She cried because she wasn’t good enough, because she nothing at all. The girls in her dorm had soon filed in and tried to pry the story out of her. She just tossed the letters at them and continued crying. Jane, one of the girls, held her as she shook and sobbed until she fell asleep. She refused to go to any classes the next day, or the next week. She didn’t eat, she didn’t sleep. All she wanted do to was die. Dark circles lived under eyes and her bones began to show through. There was nothing the girls could do, she had shut herself inside the curtains of her bed. Her heart had been broken and she was pretty sure there was no putting it back together.

The Marauders were worried. Y/N hadn’t been in class in weeks and many teachers were getting suspicious. Remus had tried to visit her but the Hufflepuff girls had barred his way through. Sirius was going mad without her. He couldn’t focus in class, his eyes were always on her empty seat. He laughed and joked with the Marauders but his smiles didn’t reach his eyes. His dreams were filled of her. Her. Her laugher, her smile, her hands, her lips on his. Finally, he’d had enough. James mentioned missing Y/N to Remus and him in the common room and that was it. “I’m going to get her” He said and he stormed out. Remus could feel the anger radiating off of him and knew he would need to be there to put the fire out. He ran off behind him and trailed him to the dorms. The Hufflepuff dorms were one of the hardest to get into so they waited until a boy came out and Sirius stormed in. Remus tried to grab Sirius and calm him down but it was to no avail. He was already charming the stairs and starting up.

“Sirius! Please! Just calm down!” Remus cried, desperately trying to pull him back. Knowing him, he might say something he would regret.

“No Remus.” Sirius’s voice was colder then Remus had ever heard it. “My girlfriend is ignoring me and I intend to figure out why.” Sirius ripped the door open and found Y/N’s curtains drawn shut. Before Remus could say anything, Sirius had flung the curtains open. Remus watched Sirius freeze, his whole body tense. He stepped forward to look past Sirius and was shocked. Y/N was curled on the bed, eyes wide. She had bags and purple circles under each eye. Her cheeks were sunken in, and her shirt hung off of her in a odd way. She looked like shit.

“Si-Sirius?” she whimpered, and her eyes filled with tears. Remus looked at the bed and found pictures shattered and things thrown everywhere. She was a mess.

“Yes.” Sirius snapped, “You know, your BOYFRIEND!” Y/N flinched and her face hardened.

“Oh really? OH REALLY? MY BOYFRIEND?!” she yelled, fury edging in her tone.

“YES YOUR BOYFRIEND!” he screamed back, his face red and his hands gesturing wildly.

“ARE YOU SURE? I THOUGHT I WAS JUST A MUDBLOOD, TOO NAIVE, TOO UGLY FOR YOU! I LOVED YOU AND LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO THAT! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!” She was out of bed now and standing chest to chest with Sirius. On the last word she shoved him back and caught off guard he stumbled into Remus. Remus was in shock, what had happened? “Did it mean anything to you? Did I mean anything to you?” With that you turned on your heel and ran out of the dorm. Sirius stood and watched as you got smaller and smaller and with step she took, his anger ebbed a little. And then she was gone, leaving behind the boy who loved her.

#vogueweasley1k #sirius black #sirius x reader #y/n #sirius x y/n #not wolfstar unfortunately #um i hope it's ok #fanfiction #writing #mywriting #harry potter #marauders #marauders era #marauders era oneshot #marauders era imagine #ahhh i'm so nervous

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