#I’m gunna finish the last part and then immediately hate that I have to go thru it but we rejoice for now

[readingwriter92]

6/7

Lord today is one of those. Ten sentences is a lot of work type days

[jacks-jester]

Mine.

[Jerome Valeska x Reader]

Words: 2,136

Warnings: Extreme aggression, someone gets the shit beat out of them, murder, toxic jealousy traits

Requested? Yes / No

Summary: After your childhood best friend and long time crush is broken out of Arkham alongside you, and a few other inmates, you have to adapt under Theos watchful eyes. What will happen when one of the female escapees becomes a little to close to Jerome for your comfort?

A/N~ Thank you for the request! Anon I’m definitely am willing to write smut for Jerome, I’ll just need a bit of time to sort it out since I haven’t dabbled in smut quite yet. I’ll definitely keep that other request in mind though!

Autumn leaves, the type that crunch underneath your feet in the most satisfying way, their fiery colors blinding your vision yet so beautiful you can’t look away. Thats what always came to mind when you thought of your best friend Jerome Valeska - the spunky, albeit a bit psychotic, ginger, carnie kid. You and Jerome had both grown up traveling with Haly’s Circus, the two of you becoming friends the moment you met each other. Your parents were acrobats, you and your mother specializing in Lyra aerial work. You and Jerome could always be found causing mischief around the carnival grounds: loosening a few safety net ropes, loosening the board for the knife throwers Wheel of Death, sharpening the sword swallowers knives a bit too sharp.

You were kids, and kids liked causing trouble, you and Jerome both craved attention. So often were your parents the center of attention, it was rare they’d pay you any mind at all aside from aerial practice. You hated your parents, maybe the hatred was undeserved but nobody could deny that they were neglectful to say the least. Jerome on the other hand, he had every right to be livid with his mother. She was a whore, a drunk, and abused Jerome to no end, even letting her brother get it on the action occasionally - Jerome's uncle preferring scalding soups and oils to the hitting Lila normally took up when harming Jerome. You and Jerome never separated form each other, always there for each other through thick and thin.

When news broke of Jerome's arrest, you went totally, and completely ape shit, blinded with rage at the fact Lila and several others could get away with abusing Jerome and yet Jerome, when he defended himself, was arrested and charged. It was in that moment you decided you were without a doubt going to burn this corrupt, and wretched city to the ground one day, no matter the cost. You later on got apprehended after word broke that you assisted Jerome in hiding the body and were planning on helping him dispose of it. You didn’t know he was going to do it, but when you found out what took place you were anything but mad, instantly assisting Jerome in the clean up. Apparently conspiring to hide a murder and sticking up for a “madman” gave you a one way ticket to Arkham Asylum in this city. 

You and Jerome hadn’t been locked up for long when the break out happened, blue gas being the last thing you remember from the asylum. You and seven other inmates were broken out that day, though only seven of you made it through Theos “orientation”, if you could even call it that. Jerome and you had adapted the quickest out of the group, the two of you bouncing off the walls at the newly found freedoms Theo had given to you. Overall you didn’t mind the other inmates, aside from one of them, she was the only other inmate you and Jerome's age. Her real name was Dixie Smith, about as bland as you can get, she gave herself the nickname of Trix however. 

Imagine the most arrogant and obnoxious person you could imagine, the obsessive and clingy type, like a leech that just continued to fester and  thrive off your energy until you were nothing but a sorry shell of the person you once were. That was Dixie, you called her Dixie purposefully to get on her nerves, Jerome even joining your petty little game of annoying the annoyer. Dixie was in Arkham for the murder of her tutor, apparently she’d gotten fed up with her math work and stabbed the teacher with her compass needle. She was a stuck up, rich, daddy's girl who was supposed to spend a two weeks in Arkham with the help of Daddy's money. She was just in these for a rebellious spurt, wanting to prove she wasn’t like every other millionaires daughter apparently. You couldn’t stand her.

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It was the day of the Maniax media debut, Jerome painting the teams name on the outfits of a few shipyard employees and tossing them off I roof. The images on the news were incredible, the police were all over the case but weren’t getting anywhere near the team. Only four of the members went out to finish the media stunt, Jerome being among those four. You and the to other girls stayed at Theos instead, Dixie whining continuously the entire time the group of boys were gone. She kept going on about how she missed ‘Her Jerome’, though she was sorely mistaken if she believed that to be true. 

It was a few hours before they returned, having to be careful to escape any stray police officers. Jerome as always was grinning like, well... like a maniac when he came back, instantly taking a seat at the head of the large dining table, his legs and arms sprawled in a relaxed posture. You were about to approach him with some clever quip when you were shoved out of the way by a hyperactive cockroach of a girl, Dixie immediately making her way over to Jerome and plopping herself down in his lap, her arms wrapping over his shoulders. 

You could feel you blood boiling as she sweet talking to him, though you were disappointed he wasn’t shoving her off or at least detesting her actions. However, what caused you to snap wasn’t Dixie, oh no, it was Jerome. Rather than continuing your inside joke of calling Dixie by her name, he said something that made you wish he’d just said he nickname. “Long time no see Trixie. Miss me much dollface?” You could feel your vision go green with jealousy as you entered autopilot, your body moving on its own accord. You stormed over to where they were sitting, your hand gripping Dixies obnoxious braid and roughly pulling her off Jerome and to the ground.

Jerome didn’t move, his lips only quirking into a smirk as he watched the scene unfold before him, amusement sparkling in his intense gaze. Dixie shouted in surprise, a yelp of pain emitting from her mouth as her hair was tugged on. “What the fuck was that for you fucking bitch?!” Dixie looked at you with rage in her eyes, outraged at the thought someone would dare lay a hand on her. You shrugged, glaring her down, “Is the princess hurt? Daddy isn’t gunna buy you out of this one ‘dollface’.” You spit the pet name out with venom and disgust, as if it were poison on your tongue. “Next time think a second before touching things that aren’t yours, that must be hard for you though.”

Dixies eyes made eye contact with y/n, embarrassment and frustration clear within them. “Bite me.” Y/n only chuckled in response, “Is that all you’ve got princess?” Dixie let out a scream of annoyance, flipping out a concealed blade and holding it out to y/n in a threatening matter. “Try me.” Y/n looked Dixie up and down for a moment before impishly grinning, “Alright.” Without a moments hesitation, y/n darted towards Dixie, carefully dodging each unplanned swing the cockroach made. Dixies skills with weapons were honestly laughable, devastatingly uncoordinated in comparison to the carnie knife throwers y/n had grown up around. Y/n ducked as Dixie swung wildly at her, y/n bringing their leg out which caused Dixie to tumble to the ground, the obnoxious girls knife gliding across the floor and away from her. 

Y/n quickly found herself perched atop Dixie, straddling the smaller girls waist as she began laying blow after blow on the tanned girls skin. Welts almost instantly formed as y/n layed it on her, blood seeping out of Dixies clearly broken nose and busted lip. The girl underneath y/n was now screaming and sobbing at this point as her face became nearly unrecognizable. Only with Theo stepping in did y/n climb off of Dixie, stepping to stand beside Theo as the beat up girl tried to stand trying to run off without a word. Y/n decided to have one last jab as the girls back was turned, attempting to retreat to her room. Y/n leant down and picked up Dixies discarded knife, “You forgot something princess.” With that y/n put her knife throwing practice to use, the knife quickly flying across the room and embedding itself in Dixies side.

Y/n watched as Theo let out a small hum of amusement as Dixie collapsed on the staircase. Theo slowly made his was over to Dixie, quickly picking up on the fact she was still conscious. “My apologies Ms. Morgan but you’ve confirmed me and Tabitha's fears, you’re not cut out to be a part of our... operation. And you know to much which unfortunately leaves us with only one choice.” Without so much as another word, the delirious and sobbing girl was dragged out of the room by Tabitha. Greenwood began capping slowly from the opposite side of the room, “Nice work, I call dibs on her when Tabitha's done. Its been a while since I’ve had fresh meat, pork hasn’t been up to par lately.” Despite the joking tone of Greenwoods words, you knew he was serious and cringed a bit. 

Your eyes flick to Jerome for a moment before looking away, instead opting to go to your room. You were only stopped a way down the hall, familiar arms wrapping around your waist from behind and spinning you around. “Gunna just ignore me after I was gone all day?” Y/n turned and glared lightly before continuing their walk, Jerome catching up to walk alongside you. “Ahhh.. the silent treatment, I only know one cure for that.” Without another word, Jerome flipped you around to face him, his lips immediately clashing against yours. It wasn't the first time you and Jerome had kissed, just in the past it was teenage curiosity induced by stolen alcohol or simply out of boredom. The way his lips moved passionately against yours, his teeth gently nipping out your bottom lip was different than the innocent kisses from before. 

You pulled away slowly, your e/c eyes meeting his dark brown, nearly ebony eyes. You caught your breath, both from the kiss and the intensity in which he was now staring at you with. His signature smirk decorated his face as he looked down at you, “ That was quite a show you put on out there doll.” You and Jerome always had a strange friendship, walking a fine line between best friends and romantic. He had always called you doll or dollface, knowing it flustered you, which you supposed is why you had snapped when you heard him mutter the pet name to Dixie. You didn’t respond, only turned away in annoyance and embarrassment.

 His fingers found their way under your chin, guiding you to turn and look at him. “I like when you're possessive, you always have this fire burning behind your eyes when you get mad. What's was it you said to Dixie?” Jerome feigned mock confusion and thoughtfulness for a second to annoy you. He clicked his tongue as it ‘came to him’, “Think a second before touching things that aren’t yours’ wasn’t that it?” You glared up at him as he continued jesting at you, his eyes aflame with mischievous amusement. You rolled your eyes lightly, only reconnecting with his when he spoke up again. “Doesn’t sound to bad does it? We could probably be the most badass, freakish power couple there ever was. I can see it in the headlines now: J and Dollface: Homicidal maniacs murder thousands.” You knew he was joking around but couldn't help the butterflies that fluttered around your stomach at the implication of you two being an item.

You let out a soft sigh and looked away, your arms crossed across your chest, “Don’t joke about that stuff J.” He quirked an eyebrow at you before his smirk returned, “What if it weren’t a joke, then what dollface? I only messed with here to get a rise out of you, get your attention.” You looked at him with confusion, trying to see if he was telling the truth or not. “What do you say dollface?” You didn't say anything, instead opting to pull him into another deep kiss, his hand immediately finding your waist. It seemed like you were kissing for an eternity before you pulled away, your foreheads pressed against each other, your lips staying only a few inches part. Jerome squeezed your waist lightly, pulling you flush against him. You flushed lightly as his next word came out a low, raspy growl, “Mine.”

You couldn’t help the smile that quickly made its way to your face, only replying with one word in return, “Mine.”

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[I’m gunna try to time my rights from now on.]

Time: 1 hour, 33 minutes

Not grammar reviewed yet so apologies for any typos. 

[another-fucking-spinel-blog]

You’re Beautiful I’m Afraid

Trigger Warning!: Self harm, mild nudity (underwear), negative thoughts

PLEASE do not hesitate to ask me to tag anything else if need be!

Inspired by this song!

ALSO a huge thank you to @chaotic-spinel  for making some lovely audio for this!! Please go check them out!!

You looked at yourself in the mirror. 

Observing every lump and roll that made up your figure. Your eyes tracing every curve. Fat made its way down your body like wet clay. The brand new bra you had bought looked like wire around baking bread. Disgusting. That’s all you could think. Gross. Revolting. Nauseating. Such a shame too, you thought to yourself. It was such a cute bra, black and lacy with a cut out shaped like a cat at the top of your chest. It even came with a matching pair of underwear. The pair was on sale so naturally you ended up buying it for yourself whilst out shopping. You wanted to impress your girlfriend, Spinel, or maybe even surprise her with something special. Those thoughts were completely shut down however, when you looked at yourself in the mirror.

Desperate to find some sort of attractive feature you had, something, anything! Ugly. Atrocious. Hideous. You grabbed at your belly, watching as it moved like putty. This was just your stomach. Your arms were chunky too and your thighs could feed a village. Your body was also littered with stretch marks. Like vines, they crawled their way up your frame as if trying to consume you.

You looked back up to your face. Looking yourself in the eyes with hatred and hints of sorrow. You hated yourself for numerous reasons. This just being one of them. Your mind began to spiral down, down, down. A knot forming in your throat. Your vision began to blur and your eyes burned as they filled up with hot tears. Awful thoughts were swarming your mind and your body began to itch. The urge to scratch at yourself was overpowering. You had always made sure to stay on top of keeping your nails short, just in case you had another episode. Like right now. But that didn't mean you couldn’t still do some damage.

You started to scratch at your collar bone. The friction causing your skin to turn red. The horrible thoughts didn’t stop. Each cutting deeper than your nails ever could.

“Look at yourself! You’re so disgusting!”

“Revolting slob!”

Your stomach ached and begged you for nutrients. You had a horrible habit of going hungry for days at a time.

“Vile! Hideous! Sickening!”

“How could anyone love you?”

“Unworthy”

Hot tears trailed down your cheeks and you squeezed your eyes shut. You scratched at every part of you that you hated. Your arms were next. You shook violently, you knew what was coming. You couldn’t breathe. Your legs were numb. You could barely feel it as your nails dug into your flesh like wet paper. You prayed to whatever god was out there to make it stop but to no avail. The words came anyway. You braced yourself for the finishing blow.

“How could Spinel ever-” “Hey hun, you doin’ alright?” The world froze and everything became silent. Your eyes snapped open and you turned to Spinel who was now standing in the doorway of the bathroom. You stared at each other for what felt like hours. Shock written on both of your faces.

“I,,,” Spinel said, finally breaking the silence. “I thought you might be hungry after you got back,,, so I tried to make you a sandwich but,,,” She trailed off, distracted by your abused skin. “A-are you,,, ok?” That was it. Your knees buckled making you crumple to the floor with a loud sob. Spinel was immediately by your side. Arms wrapping around you multiple times and pulling you close. You tried to apologize but the words were caught in your throat. Spinel just shushed you and rubbed her hand up and down your back in a soothing manner. Letting you get everything out before you were ready to explain.

Finally, you were beginning to calm down. Throat soar and still mildly shaking, you apologized again.

“I’m sorry Spinel. I’m so sorry!” Tears threaten to spill out again.

“For what [Y/N]??” Concern in her voice as she spoke. She was becoming a bit more worried.

“For being so,,, so,,, SO UGLY!” You finally shout, clasping a hand over your mouth quickly afterwards. You felt sick and another sob wrenched it’s way out of you. Spinel’s silence was deafening and finally you couldn’t take it anymore and looked up at her. The genuine confusion on her face was mildly comforting you had to admit.

“W-what? I don’t,,,” She asked absolutely bewildered. You caved and the dam broke as you began to explain everything. The bullying you endured in elementary through highschool. The people who turned their back on you because of how you looked. The lost friendships. The horrible coping mechanisms you’ve picked up. How you had a tendency to starve yourself for days on end. How you would binge on junk and the miserable feeling of guilt afterwards. How sometimes just the thought of eating made you sick. How it had gotten so bad that you avoided mirrors just so you wouldn’t have to look at yourself. Everything, you told her everything, until there was nothing left to tell.

Spinel tightened her hold around your shaking form. Her heart breaking at the sight of you. You, [Y/N], the person she loved more than anything, torn to pieces by something as small as appearance. She cupped your face with both of her hands, lifting it up so you would look her in the eyes. Filled with compassion and tenderness.

“[Y/N], [Y/N] listen to me.” Her voice breaking just the slightest as she tried to fight back her own tears. “You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. And nothin’ ‘n this world or ‘n any other world could ever change the way I feel about you. I love you ok? Hey hey look at me! I love you so much, sometimes I just want to squeeze you. I know you can’t see it now but, please, trust me when I say you are perfect. Just the way you are. You don’t need to change yourself for me. Or for ‘nyone else for that matter! And ya know what? I’d still love ya no matter what you’d look like.” She wiped away a stream of tears with her thumb and smiled gently. It was hard to look her in the eyes, but from her voice alone, you could tell she truly meant what she said.

“And,,, if you really don’t feel comfortable with yourself, and you want to change for you, then I’ll be right by your side. Every step of the way.” She placed a tender kiss on the top of your head. “I love you Darlin’” She said into your hair, lightly inhaling your scent.

A fresh wave of tears had made their way to the surface. Not really from sadness but more from relief. Spinel lightly rocked from side to side as she held you. Whispering sweet “I love you”s and soft compliments until you finally settled down.

“Feelin’ a bit better?” She asked softly. You nodded.

“Yeah, just a bit tired.” You looked back up at her and smiled. “Thank you Spins.” “No problem Doll. Now c’mere and let ol’ Spinsy kiss all your worries away. When I’m done with ya, you’ll never think badly about yourself again.” You giggled and looked away. Blush forming on your cheeks.

“Omygosh how can you say that right now? Look at me!” You gestured to your face. “I’m a hot mess!” Spinel smirked, looking you up and down.

“The hottest mess I’ve eva’ seen. Especially since you’ve got yourself all dolled up for me~ Is that a new outfit Dollface?”

Your face became red hot at the sudden realization that you’d been sitting there, in the bathroom, in nothing but your underwear. You squeaked and quickly tried to hide yourself with your arms. But Spinel was one step ahead of you. She grabbed your wrists before you could do anything and leaned towards you.

“Nuh uh uh Suga’, I said I was going to kiss every last bit of ya and I meant it.” A mischievous look grew on her face as she leaned in and kissed you passionately.

Oh boy, this was gunna take a while,,,

[chuffyfan87]

Hiding. Part 3

Cowritten with @disastrousintention

-x-

A couple of weeks had passed since their conversation by the river yet Duffy still hadn't managed to confess all to Andrew. She'd tried but it had never been the right time. If there was such a thing as the right time! She'd woken up that morning feeling incredibly poorly but had felt compelled to force herself into work. Charlie was in meetings with the trust all day, important meetings that he couldn't miss, and Eve had booked the day off to visit a friend so someone had to run the nursing staff. She'd hoped for a quiet shift but inevitably that hadn't happened so it was not particularly surprising when, approximately 6 hours into her shift, she had collapsed in the middle of admin.

Charlie had been at the trust meeting all day. He hated meetings at the best of the times - it was usually drivel by a group of pen pushers, telling them how well things worked on paper. It always did look better on paper but the reality was always much different, and that’s why Charlie often butted heads with them. If he’d known Duffy was feeling even a tiny bit sick, he’d have encouraged her to take the day off. He didn’t want anything to happen to her or the baby, their baby.

When Duffy finally got her bearings once more she found herself laid on a trolley in one the cubicles. She quickly pieced together what had happened. Shit! She slowly pushed herself up to sitting and shifted her legs to dangle over the side. As she attempted to stand she wobbled slightly, knocking into the equipment beside her. The noise caused the curtain to immediately swish open and Eve's displeased face to appear.

"Where do you think you're going?" She asked.

"I thought you were off today." Duffy replied weakly.

“I was supposed to be but we’re short staffed so I agreed to volunteer for a couple of hours.”

"I'm fine now so you can go home again." Duffy insisted.

Eve raised an eyebrow, clearly not amused. “You’ve just collapsed. I’d hardly say you were fine.”

"I don't want a fuss." She complained. She suddenly heard a familar voice approaching the cubicle. They hadn't called him, had they?

“I suggest you get comfy because I don’t think you’ll be leaving for a while yet.” Eve replied.

Andrew had been informed of Duffy’s collapse as had Charlie. The latter of the two, did have a right to know as he was the Charge Nurse of the department.

As he entered admin Andrew spotted Max. "What happened? She seemed fine earlier."

“Hi Andrew. I’m running some tests but I think it’s probably a mixture of dehydration and exhaustion from the pregnancy.”

Andrew's eyes widened at the news but he said nothing as his mind whirled through the possibilities, none of them good.

Max read Andrew’s expression and came to the horrifying conclusion, that Andrew may not have known anything about the baby. There was an awkward silence as Max tried to think of something to say. Shit!

"I'd like to see my wife now please." Andrew stated through gritted teeth.

“Sure, she’s in cubicles.” Max replied as he took Andrew to Duffy’s cubicle.

They entered the cubicle and Max was about to indicate to Eve that they should give the couple some privacy when they suddenly heard the sound of Charlie's hurried footsteps entering the department.

Charlie had come down from the meeting as soon as he could. “Is she ok?” He looked panicked.

Andrew turned to look at Charlie. The other man looked a little too concerned for his liking...

Charlie saw Andrew and swallowed. “Duffy is ok, isn’t she?” He tried to make out like he was worried because she was his best friend. Nothing more.

"No thanks to you." Andrew muttered darkly.

"I'm fine." Duffy broke in, trying to de-escalate the situation.

“What was that Andrew? I didn’t quite hear you.” Charlie replied. His dislike for Andrew was obvious.

"Charlie..." Duffy warned.

He sighed and shut up. Duffy was the only one who was ever able to calm him down. “This is cosy.” Andrew remarked, “Anything you want to tell me?” He asked, his gaze shifting from Charlie to Duffy.

Sensing things were about to get very out of control, Max interrupted. "I need to run some more tests so this might be a good time to give Duffy some space?"

Charlie glanced at Duffy and then Max before he gave a single nod in reply. “Ok.”

Max watched Eve follow Charlie out the cubicle. As Andrew turned to follow them he spoke. "You're welcome to stay while I carry out the tests."

"I have something I need to deal with first." Andrew snapped back.

"Andrew..!" Duffy pleaded, attempting to stand once more.

“What?” Andrew snapped. Max sighed and told them both, “If you’re going to argue, I suggest you do it somewhere more private and preferably when Duffy’s got her energy back.”

"Oh so you knew all about it as well did you?" Andrew sneered at Max.

“Know about what?” Max asked.

"Don't play dumb."

"Andrew please! Can we discuss this at home later?" She paused, swallowing hard. "I feel really sick right now." She whispered.

“Fine! I’ll see you at home?”

She nodded, fighting the urge to be sick as the room began to spin once more.

Andrew walked out in a foul mood and promptly left. Max handed Duffy a sick bowl.

After being sick twice, Duffy looked up at Max, a sorrowful expression on her face. "I've really screwed up haven't I?" She mumbled.

“It depends on what you define as screwing up.” Max answered with a sad smile. “Do you want me to get Charlie?”

Duffy nodded.

“I won’t be a minute.” He excused himself and went to find Charlie. He found the other man in his office, pacing up and down. This was such a bloody mess!

Max lightly tapped on the door before he opened it. "She wants to see you." He explained simply.

Charlie stopped pacing and looked at Max. He nodded, “Thanks.” He then sighed.

"I'd stay out of Andrew's way if I were you though. I only just about prevented him punching your lights out just now." Max warned.

“I don’t intend on getting in his way.” Charlie replied.

"I only stopped him coz the last thing Duffy needs right now is you two brawling in the middle of the department."

“I know.” He sighed, “Her and the baby don’t need the stress.”

"Maybe you should have thought of that before now." Max suggested.

“Neither of us planned this!”

"Clearly! I would've thought that you'd both know that shitting on your own doorstep is a really stupid thing to do."

He sighed again, “I tried to walk away but I couldn’t.”

"You should never fall in love with your mistress Charlie, that's where you went wrong."

“But what if I fell in love with her, long before she became my mistress?” He asked quietly.

"Then there's no hope for you." Max stated simply.

“Can I see her now?”

"Of course, you know where she is."

“Thank you.” Charlie took a couple of minutes to compose himself before he left his office and headed to the cubicle. He hovered nervously outside for a minute.

Duffy vaguely registered the sound of footsteps on the other side of the curtain but was too busy being sick again to pay them much heed. When was this going to stop? She swore it hadn't been so bad the previous two times.

Hearing her throw up, he opened the curtain and smiled sadly. Closing it behind him, he moved towards the bed. “Silly question but are you ok?”

Duffy rolled her eyes and groaned, her hand rubbing her stomach. She ached from being sick so much plus she suspected she had landed awkwardly when she'd fainted earlier.

He sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hand over her hand that was on her stomach.

"You still think this is attractive?" She muttered sarcastically.

He smiled, “Not when you’re throwing up. But it’ll be worth it in the end.”

"It better be." She sighed. "You should probably go speak to Baz. Gossip travels fast afterall."

“Baz can wait.” He said, “At least until I know you’re both ok.”

"I'm absolutely fine."

“Really?” He asked, his eyebrow raised.

"I will be as soon as you and Max stop fussing and let me go back to work. Its rather busy out there if you hadn't noticed."

“If you think I’m going to let you go back to work after this, you don’t know me as well as you think.” Charlie replied. There was no chance he was letting her go back to work, not in this state!

"Well I'm sure as hell not sitting here all afternoon!"

“Will you please, just do as you’re told for once?” He asked, aspirated.

She harrumphed as she folded her arms across her chest.

He rolled his eyes playfully and kissed her cheek, “I know you don’t like it. But you’ve just collapsed. And you’re pregnant. My priority right now isn’t this department. It’s you. We’ll cope out there. I won’t cope if you make yourself worse.” He explained gently, his hand still on her stomach.

"Can I at least go sit in your office and do some paperwork? That way I'm not taking up a cubicle." She suggested, attempting to negotiate.

He thought about it for a minute and nodded, “As soon as Max has ran his tests then yes. Ok, but only paperwork? Don’t be rooting through my drawers.” He joked.

"Why? What you hiding in there now?" She joked.

“Never you mind, nosey.” He answered, playfully tapped her nose.

She pouted but couldn't help the mischievous glint in her eye.

As he met her eye, noticing the mischievous glint, he couldn’t help but begin to get lost.

"So are you gunna break me out of here then?"

He didn’t answer. He was thinking about the first time he ever got butterflies when he met her gaze. He could remember it like it was yesterday.

Seeing his distraction she decided to seize her opportunity. She slowly edged off the bed.

Sensing her movement, Charlie snapped out of his daydream. “Going somewhere?” He asked.

"Yes." She pushed herself to standing, trying her best to hide the slight wobble as she did so.

“Will you sit down before you fall down? Please!" He begged.

"I'm not going to fall down."

“You didn’t look very steady on your feet, just now.”

"I'll be OK, just need a second to readjust."

“Please, just rest.”

"I have too much to do." She insisted.

“Like?”

"I need to finish my shift, then go pack some belongings before picking the boys up from my mum's..." She paused. "Oh shit! My mum! She's going to go ballistic..."

He sighed sadly, “You also need to rest before you make yourself seriously ill.”

"But the boys! I need to see them before Andrew gets to them."

“Would you like me to ring your mum?”

"And say what?"

Charlie shrugged. “I’m not going to win this one, am I? Not where your boys are concerned.”

"They're going to be so upset and it's all my fault." Her eyes began to fill with tears.

“Hey.” He shook his head and placed his hand on her arm. “You’re not to blame.”

"Yes I am." She pulled her arm away, throwing her balance off once more.

He helped steady her. “You’re not solely to blame.”

"I should have known better. Especially after what Andrew did to me."

“It wasn’t ideal. But there’s many differences between you and Andrew.” Charlie pointed out.

"Maybe but we're both cheats and liars. Perhaps we deserve each other."

“It wasn’t my intention to cheat on Baz.” He replied. “I just happened to fall in love with my mistress.” He paused, “I’ll let you go and get your boys on one condition?”

"Is that all I am? Your mistress?" The hurt was clear on her face.

“Of course not!” He replied.

She attempted to push past him and leave the cubicle.

“Duffy.” He sighed. She was bloody stubborn sometimes!

"Go away!" She spat back.

He sighed. He knew it was pointless to try and stop her. He rubbed the back of his neck as he watched her leave. How was he going to fix this mess?

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Half Blood, Whole Heart: Part 32

Pairings: Jax x Reader, sister Winchester!reader- SOA/SPN Crossover

Warnings: Swearing, angst, Dean being a demon dick, smut, hate sex, angry sex, mention of cheating out of anger (that doesn’t happen), almost getting caught in a compromising position by your kid……

Word Count: 1,845

A/N: So I decided to repost my novel- the story that someone stole from my old blog and put up on Wattpad. PLEASE don’t be an asshole and steal my stories. It CRUSHED me when it happened and almost ran me off Tumblr.

Half Blood, Whole Heart Masterlist    Aesthetic by @ravenangel33​

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~ NOVEMBER 13TH 2011 ~~~~~~~~

The five month between your oldest son’s birthday and your youngest’s first went by slowly and entirely too quickly at the same time. You and Jax forced yourselves to live life as normally as possible for your sons. The two of you and Bobby agreed not to tell Opie and Lyla; she didn’t need the stress and you didn’t want Opie to have to lie to her. You tried not to think about it; tried not to worry about the unknown but you still found yourself crying yourself to sleep in Jax’s arms every night. The unknown finally made itself known the day before John’s first birthday.

“Hey have you seen this solar eclipse thing we have going on?” Lyla asked as you sat in your rocking chair on your front porch smoking a cigarette.

“Yep. Out front looking at it now.” You told your friend over the phone with tears slowly falling down your cheeks. You knew it wasn’t a solar eclipse. This was the end. 

“It’s crazy. According to the news, NASA doesn’t even know what’s going on. The moon isn’t causing it.”

“I’m sure it’s no big deal.” You lied as you tried to wipe your tears away. “Probably just some fluke thing.”

“Yea, probably. Hey, let me call you back, I have a baby on my bladder.” You let out a forced laugh and hung up the phone. Jax walked out to join you after putting your sons down for a nap. He sat down in his rocker and you immediately got up and moved to his lap wordlessly.

“What’s gunna happen?” He asked as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you as close as physically possible. You shook your head before resting it on his shoulder.

“I don’t know. I think it just… ends.” He gently rocked the two of you back and forth as you watched the sun diminish quickly from the bright glowing orange light it had been all morning.

“Should we wake the boys?” Jax whispered as dusk began to settle in despite it being the middle of the morning. You shook your head.

“Let them sleep. They don’t need to see this.” You said as you buried your tear stained face in your husband’s neck. 

“I’m not done loving you yet.” He choked as his tears fell on your face. He pulled you impossibly closer as sobs wracked your bodies.

“I will never be done.” As night enveloped you, you forced your head up and cupped your husbands cheeks. “I love you, Jax.” You whispered; wanting those to be the last words he heard.

“I love you, too, (Y/N).” He replied as he tangled his hands in your hair and crushed his lips to yours. Your tears mixed together on your skin as you said good bye to the love of your life; wishing you could have just one more day with your family. Wishing that this wasn’t really happening. Wishing that it wasn’t suddenly so damn hot in the winter… You brow furrowed and you pulled away and opened your eyes as your phone rang on the table. Your eyes flew open wider to see the morning light.

“What the hell…?” You asked as you looked around while your phone stopped ringing.

“Are we dead?” Jax asked as you phone started ringing again. You reached back and grabbed it off the table. You shook your head when you saw the name on the caller ID. You put it on speaker as you stood up and looked at the sun curiously.

“Sam? What the hell…?”

“Dean stopped her.” You whipped around to look at Jax as a choked laugh escaped your lips.

“It’s over?” You asked as he jumped up from his chair and wrapped you in a hug. 

“Fuck, I love you.” He said as he crashed his lips to yours in a bruising kiss.

“Yea… sorry to interrupt guys but… De…” His words were choked off and he cleared his throat. “Dean didn’t make it out of this one and he’s… it’s the real deal this time.” You pulled back and looked at the phone in your hand as you gripped Jax’s arm for balance.

“W-what?” You stammered. “He had to have… there’s no way…”

“I’m heading to you. I’m in Louisville so I’ll be there tonight. (Y/N), I… I need you.” You nodded as tears welled in your eyes once more.

“Yea… Sammy, I’m here. We’re here for you.” Sam tried to say something but changed his mind; hanging up the phone with a sob. You looked at Jax as regret and guilt crashed down on you and your lip began to quiver.

“The last thing I said to him…” Was all you could get out before you burst into tears.

“Fuck. Baby, shhh. It’s OK.” Jax soothed as he wrapped you in his arms. “I’m so sorry, baby. He knows you love him.”

“Dean…”

——

“Mommy m’eese!” Thomas cried out over the small TV you had in your kitchen while you made lunch for your sons. You forced yourself to focus on being a mother and a functioning member of society and not the fact that you had to find a way to tell your son that Uncle Dean was living in heaven with the winged dicks that you partially blamed for his death. Then again, you blamed everyone except your brothers.

“Thomas Eric, I need you to stop yelling. I promise you, you will get your mac and cheese if you just wait a minute.” 

“… Filip Telford escaped from Folsom Prison in California today after this morning’s solar eclipse knocked out the power in the prison. He is considered armed and dangerous…” You whipped away from the stove and looked at Chib’s mug shot on TV as your phone started ringing. You ran to the kitchen window as your son continued to whine about lunch and threw it open.

“Jax! Get in here; you need to see this!” You heard the rocker he was sitting in scrape across the floor as you grabbed your cell phone.

“Did you see it?” Lyla practically shouted as you rewound the news story for Jax.

“Yea. Showing Jax now. I gotta get ahold of Crowley to find him before they do. Let me call you back.”

“We’re coming over.” You heard Opie say in the back ground. You didn’t even get a chance to respond before she hung up. You pushed pause on the TV as Jax ran into the kitchen looking confused and a little panicked. 

“Look.” You said as you pointed to Chibs’ mugshot and hit play; turning up the volume to counter Thomas’ now almost screaming to get your attention and John’s cries at the noise. Behind your back, Jax grabbed a package of Oreo’s from the cabinet and gave one to each son, effectively silencing them as you single handedly finished lunch while calling Crowley.

“Well hello kitten. Haven't heard from you in a while.”

“Still having a little bit of trouble erasing mental images from my mind, sorry. Hey, I need a demon power favor.” Crowley chuckled as you grabbed a pre-made, crust free peanut butter and jelly sandwich from the fridge and put it on Thomas’ plate.

“And what would that be, dove?” You smirked, knowing he would not like your request as you put the phone on speaker and leaned back against the counter.

“First, I want you to know you are on speaker, in my kitchen and the boys are in here for lunch. Second… Chibs managed to escape from Folsom this morning. I need you…

“Over my dead body am I saving that wretched, cock sucking, dick for brains wanker!”

“Hey! Kids!” Jax shouted as he muted the TV.

“And technically, you are already dead so I guess that works too. Consider it payment for your summer of love?”

“You are a… horrible individual, (Y/N).” Crowley said as he hung up the phone. You laughed as you put the phone down on the counter down and looked at your now chocolate covered sons to see why they were so quiet.

“Really, Jackson? Oreos?” You husband looked at his sons with a look of almost pride and shrugged.

“They were hungry. Couldn’t let them starve.” You rolled your eyes as you spooned mac and cheese onto the plate with the sandwich.

“You can handle pre-nap bath time for that one then.” You said as you handed him Thomas’ plate at the same time that your entry way turned into a European screaming match.

“Take yer filthy English ‘ands of me, ye weasel-headed bastard!”

“Oi! I’m here as a fucking favor and I’m fucking Scottish, you twat!”

“Like fuckin’ ‘ell…” You went running out of your kitchen with an uncontrollable smile on your face.

“Whoa! Easy killer!” You said as you and Jax rounded the corner at the same time Opie and Lyla ran through your front door. Chibs, who was still dressed in a prison uniform, brandishing a hand made shiv looked around at the four of you in utter shock as Thomas shrieked at the sound of his uncle’s voice.

“REE!” He screamed as he came running out of the kitchen, covered in chocolate and Kraft cheese sauce.

“Who is this handsome… yet extremely dirty fella, hmm? Can’t be my little Thomas?” Crowley said as he picked up his nephew he hadn’t seen in a year. 

“Ye’s all are dead!” Chibs finally said as he looked around the room.

“Not quite. We are as dead as you will be by the end of the day, however.” Jax said as you and he looked over at Crowley. The King, feeling the eyes on him as he tried to wipe chunks of cookie out of his nephew’s hair, looked over at you with his eye brows raised.

“Was that a question…” he started. You arched your eyebrow with a small smile and Crowley groaned and rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes, alright. I’ll kill the bloody cunt.”

“Language!” You snapped as Crowley walked into the kitchen with Thomas to finish lunch. 

“Bloody hell! When did this one shoot up?!” Crowley called out.

“This one?” Chibs asked as you stepped back into the kitchen to answer Crowley. 

“Our other son. Turns one tomorrow, actually. John Filip.” Jax said. You looked back at your friend as his eyes filled with tears and you nodded.

“You were there for me when we needed you. I had to honor that memory some how.” You said softly as you gestured him into the kitchen. Chibs nodded slightly as he followed you; stopping to give Jax a fast hug.

“Oh, love. It’s mini-ye.” Chibs said as he stopped next to you and looked across the kitchen at your youngest. 

“Oh no. He may look like me but that little boy is Jax’s mini. Tommy is mine.” You said as you watched Crowley airplane mac and cheese into John’s mouth. With a small smile you pat your friends shoulder. “Come on… let’s go talk.”

Part 33

[itoldheraboutyou]

i feel different - chapter 4

you can read previous chapters here: ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ao3 link

notes:  oh my god. i am so sorry lol. i know i told you guys not to hold me to my schedule (thanks for doing that by the way) but i just feel so bad about saying you’d get a chapter weekly and then just leaving for 3 weeks. i really didn’t think i was gunna get burnt out as quick as i did, but here we are. from now on, there will be no schedule, i’m sorry! you’ll get content though, don’t worry. anyway, enjoy. ;)

chapter 4

“but then she-“

“got mad at you, i know.” amber mumbles as she clears the table behind me. “you told me.”

“amber i’m having a crisis-“

“when are you not having a crisis?!” she spits frustratingly, slamming the plates she’d taken from the other table onto mine.

“well sorry my problems are bothering you!” i retort, crossing my arms.

amber rolls her eyes. “god, you’re such a drama queen. jonah, your problems aren’t bothering me, but my break ended 15 minutes ago. as much as i’d love to play therapist for you, i have a job.” damn, that stung. i bite my lip and lift my arms to rest on the table, backing off for the time being. amber sighs, putting her hand on my shoulder. “thank you. call me later, alright? i charge $300 a phone call.”

i swat at her arm, a small, amused smile spreading on my face. one thing that would never change about amber as that she’s blunt, always has been always will. and she never sugarcoated anything even if it stings, like right now. amber gives me a final, thankful nod before heading off towards the kitchen. i might as well get out of here, amber hates when i hang around while she’s working for reasons i just witnessed. my bad. i’m about to stand up when in my peripheral vision when i see cyrus walk through the door. he spots me almost immediately, and i, without thinking, wave him over.

“hey.” he smiles, sliding into the booth across from me. i’ve always liked that smile, it always seems brighter around me.

“hey.”

“so, what’s up?” he asks, not even hesitating before delving into my basket of baby taters.

“literally nothing.”

“well,” cyrus says, standing up apruptly. “let’s go then.”

“what?”

“andi told me you wanted my job. the shop is empty and bowie is busy working at the music store, he left with a ton of stuff to do. we’re gunna go do it.” he says like i should’ve known. to be fair, what i should’ve known is that saying i wanted the job at judy bloom’s was going to come back to bite me in the ass. is this a bite though? i get to hang out with cyrus. “well, are you coming?”

i nod, getting up from my seat with a smile. cyrus smiles back, looking almost relieved. i don’t know why he would, i could never say no to him.

•••

“so what’re we doing?” i ask absentmindedly as we walk the streets of shadyside. cyrus glances at me fleetingly before shoving his hands into the pockets of his chinos.

“well, i’m gunna be filling arrangement orders and you are gunna be doing the dirty work... because you’re obviously much more equipped.”

“oh, is that right?” i tease him, a small smile forming on his lips. “i’d be flattered if it weren’t for the fact that i know you’re just afraid of nature.”

“it’s a healthy fear!” he persists.

“why did you get a job here then?” i ask as we approach the shop. cyrus pulls open the door, letting it swing closed after i’ve let myself in.

“i like putting arrangements together, or, the flower part. the other stuff i didn’t think i’d have to do.” he replies, grabbing a pair of gloves off the counter and handing them to me.

“and why do i need these?” i raise an eyebrow, cautiously taking them from him.

“i told you i’m making arrangements, i need you to dethorn some roses.”

“and how am i more equipped for this?” i chuckle, sliding my fingers through a glove.

“because my hands are fragile!” he says matter-a-factly. “you play frisbee, i figured yours would be tougher and like, calloused.”

i let out a full laugh at cyrus’ conclusion causing him to pout. “cyrus, i’m not playing volleyball, jesus. throwing a frisbee around won’t give you callouses.”

cyrus reaches out, snatching my other ungloved hand from my side. “it’s tougher than mine though, don’t you feel it? my skin is like tissue paper compared to yours.” the feeling of cyrus’ hand in mine is surprisingly familiar, or it should be. i let out a breath, my shoulders loosening up. cyrus pulls my hand towards him, turning it over palm up, as if showing me. “see?”

i nod, and he lets go, walking behind the counter. “so where are the roses?” i ask, looking around.

cyrus points to a huge pile sat in front of him and i grumble sheepishly, saying some kind of excuse for my unintelligence. i grab a rose and start picking at it, thorn by thorn, as cyrus rolls out some paper and starts arranging.

“you never answered my question from last time. before we, ya know, got trapped.” i say, shaking off a particular thorn that had gotten caught in my glove into the trash cyrus had kicked out from under the counter.

“what question?” he asks, the same focused look on his face that was there that night. it takes a lot for me not to get distracted by it.

“why you’re into all this.” i wave a gloved hand over his current project.

“i believe you asked me when and not why,” he corrects me, and i make a face back. “and i answered you, just kind of always.”

“well okay, why then? what’s the tea?”

cyrus’ hands stop abruptly, and i realize that he’s gaping at me.

“did you just say what’s the tea?!”

“ya, amber taught it to me.” i let slip, hoping he doesn’t get angry over the fact that that insinuates i hang out with her. instead, he bursts out laughing, literally doubling over he gets so worked up.

after a minute or so, he straightens ups and says through heavy breaths; “tell her i love her, oh my god,” calmed down for the most part.

“better than docious?” he turns back to his flowers, still giggling. “way better.”

“alright, i get it, you didn’t need to say way.” i joke, picking off another thorn and letting it fall into the trash can.

“so the tea is,” he emphasizes tea, and i catch him smiling to himself. “flowers have their own language.”

“language?”

“ya so, i’m making this bouquet for austin knight-“

“knight? are you talking about cece’s neighbors?” i ask, cyrus nods.

“mhm. according to austin, him and lilian had a fight, and purple hyacinth means “i’m sorry.” he places one last branch of foliage into his bouquet of purple, and then wraps it.

“what do these mean?” i wonder, resorting to scraping the stem, causing multiple thorns to pop off.

“love.” he answers simply, finishing off the white bow he’d tied around the hyacinths and then set them down gently into a large vase. “but only the red ones. yellow ones mean friendship, white means sympathy, and pink ones mean gratitude.”

“well shit,” i exclaim with a lopsided grin, it’s intriguing to say the least. i like that, i don’t know. i like that a simple gesture that i never gave any thought to before now has meaning. maybe that’s why cyrus likes them so much, maybe he relates.

“those ones?” i point to a a certain bucket on the bottom shelf.

“jonah, i’m not where you are i can’t see them.” he chides with an eye roll. “what color are they?”

“orange.” i answer him, straining my neck to examine it further.

“well you’re probably looking at orange lilies, those mean hatred.”

“damn, so you can be like, totally fake to someone?” i ask, letting out a whimper when my sliding technique backfires and gets me stabbed. “fuck, these gloves don’t even work!” cyrus chuckles, glancing over at me.

“do i need to get the first aid kit again?”

“cyrus, i’m dethorning a rose, what do you want from me?” i whine, shaking my hand around wildly knowing that it’s probably not doing anything. cyrus just chuckles, shaking his head fondly at me as i struggle.

“hey, what did the flowers i gave bex and bowie mean?” i ask, ripping the glove off my hand.

cyrus bites his lip, bring his eyes back to what’s in front of him. “uh, good luck and kindness.” i nod, too distracted with my finger to really think about it. “speaking of,” he clears his throat. “how was dinner?”

i groan, shoving my hand back in the glove despite the dull ache. “didn’t andi tell you?”

“she did, but i wanna know your side of the story... if you wanna tell me.”

i pick up another rose, going back to removing the thorns individually. i almost smile at cyrus caring about what i have to say. “what if you have other motives?” i joke, though i am worried about that.

“like what? telling andi? this is your stuff to figure out, i don’t want to be involved. besides, she may be one of my best friends but you’re important to me too.” he says nonchalantly, walking out from behind the counter and bending down to grab what i think are tulips. i lick my dry lips, his last sentence ringing in my ear.

“well, i did space out. like i wasn’t mentally there. just thinking of some- some stuff.” which is the truth. “stuffs been like, weird, i guess.”

“is everything okay? are you okay?” cyrus asks, setting down the flower in his hand and looking me dead in the eyes. i could say yes, but i’m tired. i’m really tired.

“not... really?”

cyrus rests his elbows on the counter, smiling sympathetically at me. “okay,” i give him a questioning look, biting my tongue. maybe i shouldn’t of said anything, god i really shouldn’t of. did i totally just fuck up? “well what’s wrong?”

i let out a breath i didn’t know i was holding. “i just get like, overwhelmed sometimes ya know?” is that too much? does he even care? of course he cares, why would he have asked then? i realize i’m arguing with my anxiety and i try and drown it out.

“i do, and it sucks. like it just hits you out of nowhere and you’re like “okay, gotta deal with this now, it’s not like i was doing anything important!” we laugh, and i smile down at the rose in my hands. it’s the last one.

“that’s exactly what it feels like.” cyrus opens his mouth to say something else, but then my phone goes off in my pocket. i fish it out, skimming over the texts from andi.

- can you come over? we need to talk about friday

i look up at cyrus who’s started to work again, messing with various foliage branches. “its andi, she wants to talk. you don’t mind if i-“

“no,” he interrupts, his eyes never leaving the foliage. “go ahead, i get it. thanks for helping me.”

i take off the gloves and set them down next to the new dethorned pile of roses and head to the door. the doors open and i have a foot out before i stop dead in my tracks. “i’ll text you.”

he still doesn’t look at me, but i can see his lips turn up. “okay.”

•••

should i be nervous? i don’t know, she didn’t give me any indication that i should be. then why does it feel like the anxiety is slowly creeping up my throat? i bite down hard on my lip and attempt to swallow any fear i have as i walk up the steps to andi’s apartment building. god, my heart rate is way too high for a simple talk. i start going over my apology in my head, making sure it’s absolutely perfect. i can’t take any chances. it takes me a second, but before i know it i’m knocking on her door. the next fifteen seconds are absolute grueling, what does she need to say to me? i can’t even try and reassure myself before andi opens the door, looking less than pleased. there’s no smile, or happy kiss hello, but it’s not like i was expecting that.

“hey, come in.” she offers, opening the door up wider for me to step in. as soon as she closes the door, an uncomfortable aura washes over the room. i can practically feel the awkward as we just stand there, staring at each other. finally, andi sighs, going to sit on the couch. i follow, hoping that’s what she wants to me to do. it’s still just as awkward, but now we’re sitting down.

“can i go first?” i blurt out, the silence becoming too much. “please?” i give her a pleading look, but she’s not looking at me.

andi doesn’t look surprised, relieved maybe. she nods, and i take a deep breath. “i am so sorry about dinner. i did space out, that wasn’t a lie, but being tired was not an excuse for how rude i came off-“

“you’re right, it wasn’t.” she interrupts, her voice icy.

“and i will apologize to bex and bowie also. but andi, i want you to know that i did know how important that dinner was for you- for us. and i wanted it to be a turning point too.”

andi’s breath hitches and she slowly runs her hands down her legs, her eyes trained on the carpet. “did you?” her anger seems to have dissipated into genuine curiosity. she turns towards me, her eyes still attached to the carpet. “did you want it to be a turning point?” i open my mouth to answer, but she holds up a hand. “and don’t even think about lying to me like you have been. i deserve the truth,” our eyes lock at the last word. “jonah.

“i...” it takes everything in me to keep my breathing fairly level. i’m too focused on calming myself down than her words, but one phrase in particular does resonate. she does deserve the truth, she deserves more than i’m willing to give her. and does that make me a bad person? or does it make me confused? “it depends on what you mean by turning point.”

she throws her hands up, practically jumping off the couch. “okay, see, this is what you do, jonah. you make it so you’re not technically lying but it’s never a straight answer. god, who even are you? this is not the jonah beck i know.”

i stand up too, turning on her. “and who’s that? who’s the jonah you know because i sure as hell don’t know who i am!” it’s more of a whine than anything as there’s no venom in my voice, but it’s the most truthful thing i’ve said to her in weeks. i look down at my hands, a little stunned at my own confession, letting myself slowly sit back onto the couch. andi is just as surprised, if not more. she sits down beside me again, seemingly mellowed out a bit.

“what do you mean?” she asks cautiously after i’ve regained some sobriety.

“what do you mean what do i mean? we’re teenagers right?” i try and play it off as if i’ve already come to terms with this and i’ve known for a long time, but this is really the first time i’ve admitted it to myself. “aren’t we all still figuring out who we are?”

“ya, no, you’re totally right. i just... you have to know what i mean when i say you’ve been acting different though.” she responds, trying her hand at a more gentle approach.

“i know.” i say with a shaky breath, losing more and more of the reigns as time passes.

“so, i think we need to take a break-“

“what?!” i practically yelp, panicked. “i- i thought we just came to an understanding?”

“we did,” she shrugs. “and i appreciate the honesty. but that still doesn’t change the fact that you weren’t thinking of this dinner the way i was thinking of it.”

“no, andi,” i chuckle, trying to cover up how quick and sporadic my breathing’s gotten. “i was.” the words die on my tongue, and i realize what a blatant lie that is. though i knew she was thinking of it like that, i had never felt the same way. though i knew she wanted this to be the next step, i never did.

“you weren’t though.” she says bitterly. “and we both know it. and honestly, it’s my fault. we’ve been doing this since the 7th grade, jonah. you say one thing and mean another.” she gets up, making her way towards the door. she opens it, and gives me an expectant look. “we’re taking a break.”

i start violently shaking my head, tripping over words left and right. “andi please, andi, i wanted- i want it, please!” she just shakes her head, looking away from me. i take the opportunity and walk out, pretending as if i’m not on the brink of an anxiety attack.

•••

“amber? amber, andi, she, i can’t breath, i can’t move, please come- come get me,” i heave into my phone which i’ve managed to put on speaker. i’m currently sat on the sidewalk a block away from andi’s place, absolutely frozen with fear. i’ve done the breathing exercises and now i’ve just absolutely given up, allowing myself to panic and my insides to scream and cry and not stop.

“i’m on my way, where are jonah? do you know?” despite the fact that i’m practically incoherent, she sounds pretty calm.

“a block- a block from andi’s. center street.”

it takes amber approximately 3 minutes to get here. and those 3 minutes were even more grueling than the 15 seconds i spent waiting for andi to open the door. this was a different kind of grueling though, and it was on top of agonizing fear. her car pulls up in front of me, and she’s by my side in seconds.

“jonah, hey, hey, breathe.” she coos, grabbing my hand for some stability.

the breathing doesn’t work, but i knew it wouldn’t. it wasn’t working 10 minutes ago why would it now? amber’s at a dead end, opting to just hold my hand as i ride out the attack. i’ve never been more afraid in my entire life. the attack lasts for 23 minutes in total from the time i stepped out of andi’s apartment to where i am now, cradled in amber’s arms on the sidewalk of center street. once my breathing evens out, amber helps me up and into her car.

“what the hell just happened?” she asks once we’ve both into the car.

i stare straight ahead, my hand tightening around the handle of the door. “i have no idea.” i reply honestly. i tell amber the whole story as she drives me back to my dads place, from talking to cyrus to andi telling me we’re going on a break. she just listens, one hand on the steering wheel and one resting on the side of her cheek. “jonah, i love you, and i’m saying this out of love...” she starts, glancing over at me.

“what?”

amber bites her lip, then lets out a frustrated sigh, slamming the hand that was holding her head of down on the car door. “look, if you’re not gunna tell your parents about this, then i will-“

“you wouldn’t.” i cut her off, gritting my teeth.

“jonah, we are in way over our heads with this,” she spits. “you just collapsed on the fucking SIDEWALK, like, you need help-“

“i don’t need help!” i yell, squeezing my eyes shut. there’s nothing wrong with me, i want to argue.

“you do though," she argues, her voice raising as well as mine. “you need help, and i’m enabling you in ignoring that. admit it jonah, because you have an anxiety problem, okay?! this is real, this is happening, you can’t keep-“

“i’ll do whatever i want! i’m not fucking crazy, alright?” i take in a staggered breath.

“i’m not saying you’re crazy, jonah.” she rolls her eyes. “i’m saying you have a serious mental health issue. you can’t keep treating me like i’m a goddamn licensed psychologist, alright? it’s time you grow the fuck up and realize that hiding this is just hurting you.”

i frown, looking down at my shoes. “i thought you understood.”

“jonah, this IS me understanding, understanding that this has been going on for way too long.” she glances at me, and i know exactly what that look says.

“i’ll tell my brother, okay?” i blurt. “will that shut you up?”

“for awhile, maybe. but my ultimatum still stands.” she says, roughly hitting the breaks in front of my apartment building. “get out of my car. and seriously jonah, fuck you.”

“ya, fuck you too.” i grumble, getting out and slamming the door for good measure. i watch as she drives off, and i can’t help but feel incredibly guilty for what just happened. she’s the person who’s kept me stable since everything went down, and i just punished her for it. i turn towards my apartment building and start walking in, hoping to give into the urge of curling up in a ball and not getting out of bed for a few days. i stick my key into the lock twisting it and shoving the door open. daniel’s on the couch, and i’m just praying to god that he ignores my existence. but of course, i’m not that lucky, and daniel turns around.

“hey, where’ve you been all day?”

“breaking up with my girlfriend.” i deadpan, hoping he’ll take the hint and leave me be.

“what? oh my god, jo, i’m so sorry. do you wanna talk about-“

“what i want if for you to leave me alone.” i growl. daniel stiffens, obviously taken aback by my attitude.

“fine, be an asshole then.” he shrugs, resuming his position on the couch. i will be an asshole, thanks for that. i think, storming into the bedroom. this was gunna be a long night.

[smallgirlbigpersonality]

Take it Easy | Chapter 4

Source: radamdriver

4/15 (Chapter 3) (Chapter 5)

Pairing: Clyde Logan x Reader 

Word Count: 2,850+ 

Disclaimer: All copyrighted characters are property of Bleeker Street, Fingerprint Releasing & Steven Soderbergh.

Warning: Rated PG-13 (Eventual NC-17)  

Author’s Notes: So writing this chapter has been a bit of a train wreck. I started about a week ago and had three pages done only to lose everything. </3  I’ve also been fighting writer’s block because I know exactly where I want to go with chapter five. Connecting point A to B’s proven quite difficult to do without messing up the pacing. Shoot me a message if you’d like to be added to the tag list. 

This morning was a painful reminder that your trip to West Virginia wasn’t all fun and games. Max finally managed to corner you and asked you to do some contract work for him. As much as you wanted to say no you did owe him something your sponsoring your trip down here. Besides, there was a potential job offer at the end of this. Now whether or not you would take it was an entirely different story... 

It turns out when Max said contract work he meant signing Dayton White. Directly across the table from you sat 72 inches of pure unadulterated New Yorker with a perfectly styled mop of brown hair and blue eyes to boot. However, he wasn’t your typical city-goer. Dayton turned out to be the extremely health conscious type that resided in the East Hamptons. All in all, he seemed like a nice enough person with some semblance of a sense of humor... He’d just lost you the minute he started seriously discussing his body as a set of “iOS” processes. You couldn’t help but wonder if he even installed the last iPhone update... 

Yet, that didn’t matter much because this “iOS” had been chosen to drive the “To the Max” car. The two of you were currently stewing over the finer parts of his contract. This morning you spent three hours walking him through the document  after Max decided to change the game. He believed it was more important to be able to fire Dayton whenever he wanted as opposed to protecting his company’s interests. You’d tried in vain to convey the eight million ways this strategy could blow up in his face.

“Basically we’re eliminating the Joint Venture nature of this agreement,” you murmured, pushing the contract in the driver’s direction.

“So then this is a gentlemen’s agreement?” he asked, as he arched one eyebrow.

“Yeah, but there’s this whole ‘Stop Payment Clause’, which will really benefit you to read,” you replied.

“Is there any chance you’d want to discuss this clause over dinner?” Dayton asked as he dawned his best charming smile. “There’s this great vegan place in Charleston; I’m honestly shocked anyone in West Virginia knows what vegan is.”

Oh. You immediately withdrew your hand from the table and felt the heat rise in your cheeks.

“Oh. Um, I’m sorry Mr. White I kind of have a thing… Or well a someone,” you stumbled over your words as you tried to classify just what you and Clyde were at the moment. You were dating, you didn’t exactly have titles, but then again you couldn’t imagine any scenario where you’d want to get dinner with the driver either.

“I’m making dinner for him tonight,” you finally finished with a sheepish smile. Judging by the way both of his eyebrows shot up this time, he got the message.

“Ah. Well he’s a lucky man,” he responded before turning to leave.

As it so happened, Clyde’s rejected date ideas made for some pretty enjoyable evenings. You ended up loving the Italian food place he took you to. Even the bowling alley had been fun. Before he went with you, Clyde was positive he held the title of “Worst Bowler in Boone County”. When you scored a strike in the neighboring lane you not only proved him wrong, but gave everyone a good laugh too. After that he decided it was best for the two of you to play with bumpers...

Your personal favorite was the movie theater though. The youngest Logan brother had been spot on when he worried the two of you wouldn’t be talking much. The lack of words simply meant your lips had the chance to become better acquainted, which was just fine with you. In the end, it didn’t really matter what the two of you did together… It was more so the “together” factor that made for a good time.

In fact, you hadn’t been lying when you said you were cooking dinner for him tonight. You were looking forward to some solid one-on-one time.

The more time you spent with Clyde, the more you’d started to feel like he was holding back. You weren’t quite sure if he was an extremely guarded person or if something else was up. Since you were half (completely) in love with the man already, you planned to get to the bottom of it.

Clyde just about jumped for joy when you offered to make him dinner. He couldn’t remember the last time a woman other than his sister had cooked for him. In general, your presence in his life helped him shed some of his signature melancholic demeanor. Millie and Jimmy saw it; even some of his regulars at the bar commented on how he seemed happier lately.

“You don’t think she’s just goin’ through a phase do ya?” he asked, turning to his brother. They were currently trying to clean up the trailer with the hope being it wouldn’t be as messy when you came over later tonight. 

“What? No! That girl’s sweeter on you than a bee on honey,” Jimmy grumbled. Clyde sighed; he couldn’t shake the feeling that you two had started with an expiration date. He was afraid to get closer because he knew you’d probably leave and he’d get hurt yet again.

“It’s not like it matters much anyhow. I doubt she’s gunna want to be with a felon.”

“You’ve got to stop thinking like that,” his brother argued, making sure to enunciate each word. Truth was they both knew there was a possibility Clyde was right. Jimmy wouldn’t admit how guilty he felt about the timing of this whole mess. Happiness seemed to be one of the more evasive things in his brother’s life. Now that he finally tasted it he deserved a real shot to make it last.

“Why? You know it’s true!” the middle Logan exasperated. In his frustration he threw a pillow against their couch. He desperately needed some space right now. A week or so of stewing on this started to wear him down. He was absolutely smitten with you and the more he thought about you just disappearing from his life the more frustrated he became. Clyde never argued... Fighting wasn’t exactly his thing but he couldn’t still still when he felt like this. The worst part was he didn’t know where to direct all this frustration or if it was even justified. 

Without a word he turned towards the porch and started heading for the door. Hopefully a nice long walk would do the trick. 

“Did ya ever think you could just enjoy the moment then?” Jim called trying to reach his brother before he disappeared into the trees behind their home.

While he’d never admit this, Clyde always listened to his brother’s advice. His stubborn streak came in to play when he’d act on it without ever acknowledging that he’d heard it in the first place.

 Right now, he was fretting over the fact that he hadn’t properly asked you out yet. He worried the two of you were too old for titles, but knew there needed to be something more substantial. Heck maybe he was supposed to assume that you already were. Then his thoughts drifted back to high school and how he’d never found a girl to give his ring to or to all the stories his squad mates used to tell about their loved ones. So far, you were the closest he’d come to having any of that. Yet, this dang heist was hanging over his head like a ticking time bomb. 

He resigned himself to the likelihood that by the end of the week you’d hate him. The idea of your presence just disappearing from his life tore him up inside. He wanted to make your last night together count. 

When you pulled up later that evening, he was relieved to recognize the warm fuzzy feeling rising in his chest. He welcomed that warm flutter; grateful for a bit of respite from the storm brewing inside his head.  

“How’s your day darlin’?” he asked, doing his best to give you a grin.

“All in all, it was okay. I had to go over some contracts for Max. He finally closed with his new driver.”

“Who’d he sign?” Clyde asked, genuinely curious. Part of him was grateful for the distraction; the other part was convinced that most of the men in West Virginia ran off NASCAR and beer. 

“I don’t know if I should tell you,” you smirked as you moved to carry the bags of groceries inside (with Clyde’s help of course). At this point, the man knew you well enough to gather that you enjoyed teasing on occasion. He didn’t see any harm in obliging because it always ended with a smile.

As soon as you two set the groceries down in the kitchen he came up behind you and wrapped an arm around your waist. He then moved to rest his head against your shoulder.

“But darlin’” he hummed, earning a smile from you. You absolutely loved how affectionate he could be when it was just the two of you.

“Apparently the guy hasn’t raced in a while and he’s been living in New York,” you offered. Deciding you wanted a hug, you moved to turn around. Making sure to rest your head against the much taller man’s chest. You wrapped your arms around his back and gave him a quick squeeze.

“I’m afraid I only know names and stats sweetheart.” 

“It’s Dayton White!” you exclaimed.

If you had to go solely based off the look on the younger Logan’s face, you would guess Dayton White was either a fantastic driver or an infamous one. The way his eyes widened with shock and his lower lip dropped spoke volumes. 

“It’ll be interestin’ to see if he’s still got it after two years away from the track,” Clyde responded as he started making his way towards the living room. One of his first confessions to you had been that he didn’t know his way around a kitchen very well. You didn’t see the harm in letting him relax while you made (y/f/dish). Clyde picked up a book and sank down into his chair on the opposite side of the room.

He left you to rummage around the kitchen and admire all the random cooking utensils/dishes the brothers had collected. Luckily, you found enough to work with that you could MacGyver your way through prep.

“Clyde, I’m going to open the wine. Would you like some?” You called, ducking your head around the corner. Call it old-fashioned but you liked to see people when you were talking to them.  

“No thank you, darlin’. I’ll pass on this round,” he replied, barely glancing up from his book.

You finished your preparations in silence, making sure to throw the dirty dishes in the sink as you went along. However, as soon as the aroma from your culinary creation drifted into the next room, Clyde found his way back into the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around your waist and stayed close. Close enough that you could feel as his warm breath tickled the back of your neck. 

It seemed like he had to be in your immediate vicinity. With the way he was acting you would’ve guessed the two-foot distance across the table compared more to a football field. He wasn’t talking either. Over dinner you two passed some small talk back and forth but there was just a really weird energy in the room. It was pretty obvious something was bothering him… The question became more so whether or not he would tell you about it.

After cleaning the kitchen in continued silence, you made the decision to launch your investigation. Although, you did opt to pour another glass of wine before going back at it.

“Hey Clyde, come over here,” you said, holding your arms open for a hug. Occasionally, that simple gesture was all he needed to pull himself out of a funk. You pressed a quick kiss to his lips too before speaking again.

“What’s got you in such a slump?” you asked, “They say cooking’s supposed to be the way to a man’s heart.” 

Oh wait, what if dinner tasted bad? Or he didn’t like it? You knew it’d have to be horrific for Clyde to even dream about saying something.

“Trust me darlin’ you don’t need any help with that,” he replied, gently tapping his hand against the center of his chest. You watched then as Clyde tensed his shoulders and ran his hand through his hair. To you it looked like he was struggling to find the proper words, “Would ya want to stay the night? I promise I won’t be handsy or nothin’... I don’t know when the next time I’ll be seein’ ya is and… I’m not ready for ya to be leavin’ yet.”

You glanced over at the lock to see that it was only 9:30. It wasn’t exactly late and you didn’t have much going on tomorrow. You promised Alyssa you’d go into Charleston shopping later in the evening but that meant you had the whole morning to kill. More importantly, Clyde was going through something. Maybe he didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell you what it was yet, but he made it clear that he wanted you here.

“Well, I’d really like that,” you smiled, giving him another quick hug. Your date started to relax almost immediately. It was if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. 

“You’re going to have to let me borrow a T-shirt though… I didn’t bring anything to sleep in. Oh also~ how do you feel about watching movies on my iPad? I’m kind of in the mood to snuggle.”

“I reckon I can live with that.”

When everything was said and done you found yourself cuddled up in Clyde’s plaid comforter. Although you’d been to the trailer before you’d never really had the chance to see his room. The wood paneling and faded blue carpet matched the rest of the place. What made it him were the scattered photographs and books he had laying on the dresser as well as both of his nightstands.

The middle Logan pressed silent kisses against the top of your head while the two of you worked your way through the movie library. The two of you finally settled on a classic rom com. 

However, you hesitated before pressing the play button.   

“Hey Clyde, I don’t think I’m ready to watch the movie quite yet,” you murmured. You set your tablet down on a nightstand before turning to face your beau. 

“Oh, well… What’d you have in mind darlin’” he replied, eyes widening just a bit. Hey~ it wasn’t like you were out to torture the poor guy; you just wanted a kiss. 

“Hmmm… Just a kiss,” you whispered, pressing your lips against his plump ones. You swore you could feel as some of his apprehension started to melt away. Over the past few weeks you’d come to realize that even on his best days Clyde rivaled you as one of the world’s most chronic over thinkers. In the weirdest way you always relaxed while trying to help unwind him.  

Besides you loved the feeling of his whiskers against your face. His lips tasted like some of the seasonings you’d used to cook dinner and you were sure yours tasted like wine. After a few seconds or so, you started to pull your lips away from his. Their sudden absence sparked a groan of disappointment from Clyde. He’d be lying if he said being a gentlemen wasn’t difficult… You were a gorgeous girl and having you here in his bed, wearing his favorite Bob Seger T-shirt was driving him absolutely mad.

The youngest Logan brother ran his hand through (y/h/c) and then dropped it to your waist. He pulled you close again and leaned into kiss you once more. Except this time, he gently bit your lower lip. You gasped in surprise, creating the perfecting opening for his tongue to take advantage of. You were more than happy to let Clyde take the lead. You weaved your fingers through his thick curly hair, pressing your chest against his. During your frolic the edges of your t-shirt began to ride up. Feeling the sensation of his skin against yours gave you goosebumps. 

“Oh Clyde,” you groaned with delight as he switched his attention from your mouth to your neck. He made sure to make a mental note of where your sweet spots were. It took you a bit longer to find one of his but when you gently nipped at his ear lobe he was done. He quickly pulled you back into a hard kiss. The two of you continued to exchange passionate sloppy kisses until you both ran out of breath.

“So… How about that movie now?” you huffed, still slightly winded. Clyde nodded in reply and snuggled up to your back once again. When you both found a comfortable position you pressed play.

Tags: @morphoportis, @imaginecrushes, @empress-ren, @but-kairis-not-that-smart, @ayatimascd, @foxface9000, @supermcspidy 

[looselucy]

Reborn

109 “Shit shit shit bastard fuck.” I’d woken early, which wasn’t something my body often allowed me to do, but that day I did it with no qualms at all. It had taken me around ten minutes of routing through cupboards to find some bandages, quickly wrapping my wrist up. I’d never seen my own skin in such a bad state. The purple was so dark it was almost black, patterned by red droplets of blood that had crept their way to the surface, and yellow bruises that were so bright they were almost luminous. Beneath all of that, was a burnt red colour that almost seemed to highlight the rest of the new colours upon my arm. So I’d wrapped it up, ignoring the pain and just covering it.

I was frantically searching through my bag in the hope of finding something long sleeved for me to wear so that Harry wouldn’t see the bandages, and it wasn’t looking too promising. I eventually found a jumper buried deep at the bottom, breathing out a huge sigh of relief and then putting it on as quickly as I could over the top of my summer dress, before rushing back upstairs, because I knew he was bound to wake pretty soon and I didn’t want him to be alone. He was completely sprawled out on the bed when I got back into his room, his hair all over the place, his lips puffy. With the bandages still in hand, I went and sat at the bottom of his bed, down beside his feet. The sun was bursting through his curtains, welcoming what looked to be a warm day. I managed to smile, for some reason feeling quite happy. The day before had gone wrong in almost every single way,  but I welcomed this new day as though it was a second opportunity to put things right. Soon, Harry began to stir, rolling around a few times before his eyes began to open, and he spotted me. “Sit up.” I told him after shooting him a soft smile. He did as he was told, shuffling a little closer to me and sitting upright, ruffling his hair to give it some organisation as I stretched out a roll of the bandage, and gently began to wrap is around his stomach. I could tell he was watching me as wove it around his body, lifting his arms to make my job easier without me having even to request it. I concentrated on lightly protecting the area he had harmed the night before, ignoring the burn of his gaze as I finished my work, his abs still seeming tight against the fabric. “You’re wearing a dress!” He noted as I finished. “I am.” I smiled, finally looking up to him. “What’s the occasion?” “Happy Birthday.” I simply replied. “Oh shit.” His eyes went wide. “I forgot about my own birthday.” “I thought you might have.” I giggled. “Hectic day yesterday.” “I guess so.” He rubbed over his tired eyes briefly, letting out a small yawn, his shoulders seeming to droop at the memory of how awfully things had gone the day before. “This is your second chance.” I whispered. “You got all those awful feelings out yesterday, and today you can really just… sit down with them and talk things through.” “I know, and I wanna do that but… I feel really guilty. I never wanted to shout at them like that. I really don’t know… what I’m gunna say to them. I don’t wanna shout again. I don’t even know how to approach them.” I nodded, letting my mind run back to one of the many facts that Harry had given me about his life, that might have felt mundane at the time, but suddenly it felt perfect. “You remember how every year on your birthday, you used to go and pick flowers with your dad? Before he got cancer?” Harry nodded in response. “We should go. We should go and pick some, before they wake up. It’ll be like… a peace offering. It’ll mean a lot to them, and… I think it’ll mean a lot to you too, right? I know you miss it.” “I do miss it.” He trembled. “Then we should go.” I spoke as softly as I could. “We’ll pick flowers and bring them back for your mum and dad.” “I’d love to do that.” He smiled. “It’s been years since I last went. That’d mean so much to both of them.” “And to you.” “And to me.” He agreed. I bit at my bottom lip, trying to hold back my smile as we gazed at one another, and I saw the sweet look of innocence crafted upon his delicate features, something it felt had been lacking over the past few weeks. Butterflies reintroduced themselves to my stomach. 110 Snow had bathed beauty upon those fields when I had walked their width in December, and although the sight had been wonderful then, I had craved to see what those meadows would look like with the sun beating down on them. It was as beautiful as I’d hoped. Harry, once again, bounced over the tall stone wall with ease as I took a moment to look around the area, breathing in the fresh odour and the light breeze. In the near distance, I could see a tall tree, standing proud and lonely, a few of its branches broken, birds building their home between a sea of green. Once Harry was on the other side, he turned to look at me with an overbearing smile. It was joyous to see him like that, like he was a young boy once again, totally blind to his own terrors and lapping up the happy memories that he had made in those fields. Nothing else mattered to him then, other than picking the perfect flowers to take home to his parents. It was so wonderfully pure. “Do you need help getting over the wall?” He beamed. “Fuck no! I did it on my own last time, I can do it again.” “I do recall a slight bit of struggling.” “But that was only because I sat on the wall and the snow almost froze my arse off. I won’t have that problem this time.” “Alright, well hurry up then. C’mon.” I stuck my middle finger up at him, which was thankfully met with a giggle as I wedged my foot between the stones, swinging one leg over before plonking myself down on the wall, the first part of the obstacle being managed with nothing but grace. “I’m doing well.” I turned to him, shrugging confidently. “You’re practically a rock climber.” “I was thinking the same thing.” “Alright, the final hurdle.” He placed his hands on his hips. “Try not to fall flat on your face.” “I try not to do that all the time. You don’t need to tell me to try and avoid that. Like… I’m always trying to avoid that.” “Alright, sarcy.” He sniggered. I’d allowed myself to forget the way me and Harry could bounce off one another. I’d put those interactions into the back of my mind in the hope of somehow forgetting that the two of us, in so many ways, were stunningly compatible. It had been that way from the very start, when we’d gone for drinks with some of the people from our group therapy; we’d sectioned ourselves off almost instantly and discovered that there was a bond between us that meant we could flow with ease. I guess I hadn’t really thought about the fact that that was something that would stick around, even if we weren’t together like we had been before. It wasn’t something we’d forced, or created after months of knowing each other. It was something that had existed in us immediately. With one deep inhale, I practically flew off the wall to join him on the right side, stumbling a little bit but managing not to fall onto my face. Harry was still stood with his hands on his hips by the time I whipped upright. “Nailed it.” I exhaled. He shook his head, biting back a smile, before pointing down the wall we’d just clambered over. He'd told me the last time we were there that flowers grew along the stone, but I hadn’t quite expected them to be as vibrant and varied as they were. The colours were explosive, a gorgeous rainbow that patterned the image perfectly, and all I could picture was a young Harry and his dad happily skipping down the line of colours and picking a few from each bunch. It was no wonder he’d loved that tradition so much before it withered away. It was such a nice thought. “Can you see the lavender?” He grinned as I moved to stand by his side, watching him point out the area he’d taken us to in December, knowing their design like the back of his hand. “Still there!” “This is so amazing.” I cooed. “I love it here. It’s my favourite place in the world.” “Well, thank you for sharing it with me.” I smiled up to him. “Twice!” His cheeks went a little red, matching the tip of his nose as he took a deep breath in, and then approached the flowers, kneeling down in front of the first lot and picking out a few, careful with his actions. I joined him swiftly. We spent a while in silence, picking out different flowers, as close to the roots as we could get, and I could tell it was significant, the fact I was being allowed to become a part of his memories within those fields. It had been different the last time we were there. It wasn’t what he’d done throughout his childhood, it wasn’t on his birthday. It had been years since he’d done this, and we were starting up the tradition again, and I got to be there for it. It felt truly special. We didn’t need to talk to enhance the moment. We gathered quite the collection after around ten minutes of choosing the perfect ones, and we gathered them down on the floor together, knelt side by side with our shoulders bashing together, trying to organise the colours a little. I turned with a big smile to look at him, and noticed that his mood seemed to have dropped considerably. “Hey,” I nudged him. “You alright?” “I dunno if I’m ready to go back yet.” He swallowed. “M’nervous.” “We can stall a little bit.” I shrugged. “There’s no rush. Take your time.” He lifted back up to his feet, and I kept my eyes on him the whole time, watching as he tried to control his breathing before turning on his heel, and heading towards the centre of the field. I knew he wanted to get onto good terms with his parents, to fix all that had been broken, or at least begin the healing process, but that was because he loved his parents and hated the hurt that this situation had pushed upon him. On all of them, really. Yet that didn’t automatically mean that all was forgiven. It didn’t mean that the way they’d treated him since the day he was born wasn’t utterly toxic. He’d gone through years of pain because of their poor judgement, and their inability to face the truth, so as much as he desperately wanted things to be okay, it wasn’t as easy as him just deciding to feel okay about it. The way his mind worked around the scenario was out of his control. I kept my eyes on him as he walked, the tips of his fingers managing to stroke across some of the tall stems that had been growing for months, and then he came to an abrupt standstill, looking off into the distance. That was when I moved, slowly approaching him. Pollen was visible in the clear air, the sun illuminating their gentle movements through the atmosphere, and everything felt golden, just for a short while. I stopped by his side, silent as he stared forward. “I used to climb that tree.” He mumbled, almost like he was speaking more to himself than he was to me. “One of the branches once snapped though, then I never did it again. I was… too scared of getting hurt.” “I bet the view’s amazing.” “Yeah.” He sighed. “Probably worth the pain. Guess I’ll never know.” “You should climb it again one day. Get right to the top.” He dropped his head, gripping his eyes shut and taking a sharp intake of breath through his nose, and for a brief moment it was like I could see every iota of pain he’d gathered over the past few weeks layering across his skin and burying itself in the creases beside his eyes. Without a word, he lowered himself to the ground, flattening a small percentage of the tall grass, facing towards the sky and closing his eyes as he buried himself in the nature around him. It soothed him quickly. Harry belonged amongst the natural beauty that the world had to offer, he was so at home when surrounded by flowers and greenery. As he lay there, it was like he was growing roots and connecting with the ground beneath him, the world welcoming him back into its arms as though it had missed him, the wind seeming to soften and the sun shining a little brighter. The world belonged to him, and he belonged to it. Almost instinctively, I joined him, laying by his side and looking up towards the clear blue skies. I didn’t connect quite like he did. We were quiet for some time, and I was almost sure we were getting a little closer to one another even though I couldn’t recall either of us moving. “I’m scared I’m gunna… yell again, and ruin everything.” He mumbled. “I don’t think you will.” I tilted my head to the side. “I think… I think you got it all out yesterday. I don’t think you’d be out here picking flowers if you were still feeling that way.” “But I’m… worried about what they’re gunna say. I’m worried about what I’m gunna learn and… maybe it’ll start okay but then I’ll… just hear them say something that makes me snap again.” I whipped around quickly, so I was laying on my stomach, propping the top half of my body slightly upright and shooting him an almost stern look. “This is why I’m here, Harry.” I spoke. “I’m here to help you through this. I’m here to make this easier for you, and I think yesterday I just made things worse.” “No, Ren-” “I did! But, you’ve just gotta remember that I’m on your side. I just wanna make things easier for you. That’s why I’m here, right? You’re not alone.” Once again, he tried hide his grin as he lifted his arms and pulled me even closer, practically forcing me to snuggle into his side. It felt so natural, even when he kissed the very top of my head. I lay back down, my hand upon his chest, pretty much as close as we could be. “Thank you.” He whispered. “Think I owe you.” I didn’t mean to, but by saying that I introduced an almost awkward silence. It hurt to acknowledge that I’d ever caused pain to the boy whose heart I could feel beating beneath the palm of my hand. It hurt even more when I thought about the fact that it was merely the beginning of an onslaught of agony for him. I did owe him something, as much as I was convinced that I’d done the right thing, it didn’t make me blind to the fact that Harry wasn’t viewing the scenario in the same way I was. It had only been a fortnight since I left his home with barely any explanation to why I was leaving him, but so much had happened since. It was strange, because in a lot of ways, the pain was still fresh, but in more ways, it wasn’t the priority. I don’t even think we’d really even given it too much thought. Until I said that. I nuzzled a little closer to him, wishing I could find the right thing to say, or even to say anything to move us along, but it had never been my forte. However, Harry managed to salvage the situation once again. “Ren?” “Mm?” I mumbled, closing my eyes. “Y’know we’re doing this whole… fake relationship thing again?” “Yeah?” “Where do you stand on the practicing kissing again?” I burst out laughing, lifting my head a little so I could look up to him, seeing the proud little grin on his face, his stomach beginning to bounce as he laughed with me. It blew my mind, how despite everything, it was Harry injecting some humour into the situation. He really was the most spectacular human being. We laughed together, sprawled out on the grass, and it was always better when we looked at the situation for what it was and acknowledged how ridiculous it all was. It made it so much easier. It was so good to be laughing with him again. 111 Harry was shaking so much I thought he might pass out, until I weaved my fingers between his, and then suddenly he had something else to focus on, squeezing my hand tightly, hoping it would help him through the conversation that was about to take place. His mother and father were sat across from us on the dining table, his mother already in tears even though nothing had been said. I wasn’t sure she’d stopped crying, really, but when Harry reappeared with an arrangement of flowers in hand, she completely broke. Adam was holding her hand in a similar way to how I was holding Harry’s, trying to create a flow of strength and composure that travelled from one body to the next. I think we’d been sat there in silence for around five minutes before Adam managed to speak. “Thank you for the flowers. That… It really means a lot to us.” Harry’s grip tightened, nodding a little and biting his bottom lip, tears beginning to burden his eyes. I was surprised to hear him speak. “I wanna know about him.” He shuddered. “I wanna know about my brother. I wanna know what happened.” Janine couldn’t talk. Adam had turned his head to her for a split second only to be met with a hysterical headshake, and he knew he would have to be the one who spoke on their behalf. She still couldn’t manage it. It was horrible to see, really. Suddenly it was hard to think of the pain she’d put Harry through, and much easier to think of the pain she had experienced herself. I think Harry even felt the same way, even if it was just for a few seconds. “Apparently… he’d been dead for around two weeks before your mother went into labour.” He began, his emotions showing within the swell of his throat. “Sometimes these things just happen. Especially… because… there had been a couple of miscarriages and… we struggled for a long time. We were told we couldn’t have children! Before you and Daniel…  We gave up. Even with… the few times it had happened for us, we’d only really hit around the three-month mark before we lost them. So, I think… when we got past that point, we both thought we’d be okay. We… We stopped worrying so much, didn’t we?” He'd managed to pull a timid nod from her, her eyes fixed on the table as Harry used his free hand to wipe away some tears, really wanting to remain as collected as physically possible. He wanted all the answers he could get. “When we found out we’d been blessed with twins… we felt like the luckiest people. I think… it was probably around six months before we allowed ourselves to feel excited… but once we got past that stage it was… It was the most amazing-” He lost himself, holding his free hand over his eyes and gripping his teeth as he released an exasperated sob, and I found myself thinking of how this was bound to be just as hard for them as it was for Harry. It was clear that the two of them had never really allowed themselves to process what had happened. They’d never dealt with it. It wasn’t even that they’d made this conscious decision not to tell Harry, but more that they’d gone into this dark place of denial, where the trauma they had experienced didn’t exist. I think Adam had tried to battle the truth a few times, but Janine had completely shot him down and shut him out. It wasn’t just Harry’s first time hearing all this, but it was the first time it had ever been voiced at all, that much was clear. “We were told just before your mother went into labour that… that Daniel had passed away. And that… she would still have to give birth to him. Um… We… We were very worried about you, Harry. I think before we had chance to process what they’d told us, we just wanted to make sure that you were okay. We needed to make sure that… that we didn’t lose you too.” There was so much concealed suffering within the room that I almost felt as though I could choke on it as it was released into the air, the matter thick, jamming down my throat. I gripped Harry’s hand even tighter, aware that if I was struggling with the conversation, then he was bound to be feeling so much worse. I wanted to be holding his hand for him, but I knew that it was helping to make me feel better too. His dad didn’t know how to continue, what he should say next, because I think this was the point where things became hazy. This was the point where denial had hit, their memories beginning to scatter and blur. “We… I don’t… I don’t know what happened after that.” He confirmed my thoughts, Janine sobbing a little harder. “We never really spoke about it. It wasn’t… a vindictive decision not to tell you, but we just… we never dealt with it in ourselves and this is something we haven’t let ourselves accept, until now.” Harry nodded, his chest swelling as he acknowledged what they’d told him with more ease than I had been expecting. I think he had made his peace with that aspect of the story. He’d always known that the two of them had been told they couldn’t have children, and his golden heart could accept the struggle they’d faced. It was the latter part of their denial that hurt him the most. “Okay.” He swallowed. “But… When my dreams started… I don’t get what stopped you from telling me. I don’t understand. I don’t… I don’t even understand why they started when they did.” “It’s my fault.” Janine finally spoke up. “Your father approached my about it more than once, and I’m sorry. If you’re going to place blame on anyone it has to be me.” “I’m not trying to place blame anywhere, mum. I’m trying to understand!” “We’d gone twenty years without acknowledging it, and I still couldn’t accept that it would have anything to do with your dreams. We didn’t think you knew, so it didn’t… It didn’t make sense to me that your dreams would be linked with your brother.” “Then… how did I… How did I know?” There was desperation in Harry’s tone. Janine turned to Adam, who was gathering himself as though he’d been silently building up the courage and capability to say what he was about to say. Harry’s brows lowered, and I could already feel a sense of relief radiating from him, before he’d even heard. This was one of his biggest questions, and it was about to be answered. He’d questioned for so long what it was that had triggered the dreams, and then even when he learnt of his brother it then became a question of why they started when they did. I think he’d probably always had some subconscious understanding, the thing that explained his fear of being lonely, maybe feeling his brothers lack of presence throughout his life, but the dreams didn’t begin for years and he needed to know why. He needed to understand them as much as he could, and maybe then, they would stop. “I was trying to… cope with what happened.” His father began nervously. “When you left home to go to university… I think it all hit me then. Not having you around was… almost like a reminder of what had happened and… That sense of loss. I used to… go into your room when you weren’t there and I’d talk. I’d talk like you were listening. I think maybe I was trying to get rid of some of the guilt I felt, but it wasn’t working. One weekend… you came home to see us and… whilst you were sleeping I tried again. I spoke about everything whilst you slept. It was only a few months later that you told us about the dreams and… at first I didn’t make the link, but…” I turned to look up at Harry, really expecting this to be the moment he flipped and started yelling at them again, but seeing him I realised that wasn’t going to happen. He wasn’t angry, not even close. He seemed to be accepting it. “You should have told me.” He mumbled, looking down to the table, his voice completely lifeless. “We’re so sorry.” His mother wept. “We’ll never be able to explain how sorry we are, Harry.” “None of this justifies what we did,” Adam spoke eagerly. “And what we’ve put you through, but-” “No.” Harry cut them short, the two of them staring across to him, nervously awaiting what he was going to say. “You can’t keep apologising forever. It’s done, isn’t it? I don’t want you to keep saying you’re sorry. I-I wanna move on. I love you both so much and… I’ll never understand what you went through and how hard it must have been. But… you need to start fixing this, and admitting what happened. I think you need to speak to someone. This has fucked all of us up, it’s just in different ways. I’m already getting help and I think you both need the same thing. We can all start dealing with it properly now that we all know everything there is to know.” Of all the things that had been shared around that dining table, it was then that I started crying. Harry had managed to place himself into a position of understanding, where he could almost remove himself and his own emotions, and understand that what they’d battled was awful. Despite the years of anguish it had brought, and the fact they had hidden the truth from him his entire life, he could sympathise and empathise with both of them. I think I started crying because I realised I really did love him. I loved him so much and I wished more than anything that I was the type of the person that he deserved. But I wasn’t sure such a person existed. His mum managed to nod before she burst out crying and hid her face again, maybe wondering how they’d managed to raise such a wonderful man, someone who had remained wonderful despite the many things that could have forced him to be everything but. “You’re right.” Adam choked. “You’re right, and we will. I promise.” “Okay.” Harry nodded. “I’m, uh… I can’t speak about this anymore it’s exhausting, but I just have one more question. I think.” “Okay?” “Why did you tell me?” He inquired. “You went… so many years lying to me. What changed?” “I don’t know.” He admitted. “I think I just realised that, we’d already lost one child, and I didn’t want to lose you too. I want the best for you. I want you to be happy and healthy and live a very fulfilled life. You couldn’t do that before, I realised. But I hope you can now.” It was as simple as that. No grand reasoning, just a small moment of realisation that they’d been blessed with the life of one beautiful son, and he deserved the very best life available to him. It seemed, in some way, both myself and his father had the same realisation at almost exactly the same time. He deserved the best. “I hope so too.” Harry sighed, more tears forming in his eyes. 112 You would think that after so many nights by his side, I would have become accustom to the sound of Harry screaming. You would think that it wouldn’t send that fear trembling through my heart. You would think that I would have learnt to handle it, and that I wouldn’t cry and weaken every single time I awoke to the terrifying sounds of his despair. But every time was like the first. “HARRY, PLEASE WAKE UP!” He hadn’t spoken with his parents since he’d glumly walked away from the dining table, nothing left to ask, nothing left to say. His mother had thanked me for being there for him through such a difficult time, and I’d just nodded whilst holding in tears, still feeling badly about lying to them, just like I had in December. I’d gone to try and comfort him, but he asked to be alone, and I granted his solitude without a question or query. Although he’d been understanding and handled everything perfectly, I couldn’t imagine the strain that the conversation had caused him. By the time I’d gone back upstairs, he was asleep, so I joined him. Then before I knew it, stage one of his sleep was coming to an end, in the horrific way that it always did. “OPEN YOUR EYES! COME ON!” Every time his body flinched, I found that mine flinched too, almost mirroring his movements. For the first time, I was scared. The night before when he’d hurt me, I hadn’t been expecting it. I didn’t have time to be scared. But now I was experiencing it again, I found myself terrified that he’d grip onto me once more, like he was trying to break my bones as a way of expelling his terror. I held his wrists down in the hope that I would be strong enough to keep him from harming me again, and praying that I could stir him before things got too bad. I pressed my forehead harshly against his, his scream cold as it fractured upon my skin, sweat dripping down his neck. I tried screaming his name one last time, but no matter how loudly I called to him, nothing seemed to be working. I cursed furiously, trying to switch gears and change my approach. Even after he’d spoken things through with his parents, I didn’t allow myself to be lulled into the idea that they would stop instantly. There had been so many times that I’d gotten my hopes up and thought they were coming to an end, and they hadn’t. I couldn’t put myself through that again, because it was like feeling the same heartbreak over again, with twice as much sting. I took a few deep breaths in, before I whispered. “I’m waiting for you, Harry, please. I’m here to hold you and take all this pain away. I will help to take this pain away so please, please wake up for me. I need you safe. I need you with me. Please. Please.” Like magic, I felt his frame beginning to soothe, his trembles flattening and his body swiftly becoming still. I was breathless, a smile just about blessing my lips at the realisation that he was finally waking. “Harry, I’m here. Wake up for me, please.” His lashes flickered briefly before his eyes slowly opened. As they did, he took a large inhale, taking in as much air from this world as he could, almost like it tasted different on the tip of his tongue, like the air was fresh and thin and helped to confirm his state. I kept my forehead against his as he settled, stroking his fingers through my hair, his throat hitching. “Kiss me.” He whispered, eyes fixed against mine, begging for my lips before I’d even been able to tell he was fully conscious. “Harry-” “Kiss me, Ren.” “That’s not going to make you feel better.” “I just want to feel something.” “I know.” I shivered. “But I don’t want to make this worse.” “I love you.” “Harry-” “I don’t want you to say it back, I just want you to know. I just want… I wanted to say it.” “I… Okay.” He nodded, and I think the day had just been so emotionally extensive that this was just another thing that he’d wanted to get off his chest, like he needed to share it all and release it then. And I knew we’d both felt it that day. I didn’t know if it was down to the support I’d shown or because we’d picked flowers together that morning, but it had become increasingly difficult to think about our breakup, and easier to focus in on what we meant to one another. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. “That’s okay. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” I slowly began to move back to my side of the bed, laying so that I was looking up towards the ceiling like he was, there being only a small distance between us as we settled again. “Thank you for being here for me.” He mumbled after a while. “Sorry for… the kiss thing.” I released a quiet and breathy giggle, turning my head to see that although it was small, he was smiling, just a little. “You’re too nice for your own good, y’know?” I cooed. “Fuck. I know.” He smiled again, reaching his hand to the centre of the bed in the hope of intertwining our fingers, and my heart stopped beating when I realised his search would eventually leave his fingers crawling across the bandage on my wrist. I readjusted my hand with speed, trying not to show any signs of panic, but knowing I’d only just managed to get away with it. He didn’t feel a thing. The sleep I had after that was one of the best I’d hand in months. Everything was out in the open, and although he’d seemed so sad that day, I knew it had worked wonders for Harry too. For the first time since I’d met him, there was this unspoken calm that hadn’t existed in him. Really, it hadn’t been there for four long years. That night, it returned, presenting a new existence where he had more answers than he did questions. In that very moment, just seconds before he fell back to sleep, that new existence eclipsed him entirely. He had been reborn.

[haiky-u-lously]

Haikyuu:R/FY/N

Chapter 18          Chapter 19: Nekoma Practice Part 1           Chapter 20

School ended and Daichi and Suga ran to the Volleyball Club room. The two captains had to get ready quickly so they could greet the Nekoma team.

Upon opening the door, the third years became frozen.

All of their teammates were in the middle of getting ready for practice.

“What’s going on here?” Daichi asked his teams, making them pause their motions.

The second years looked at one another, none knowing what to say. Chikara finished pulling on his shirt before speaking slowly, “We’re getting ready for the joint practice with Nekoma..?”

“Oh,” The captain answered, taking a few steps to get ready as well. “Good then.”

Suga just laughed before changing into his own workout attire.

After everyone in your club got their weekend assignments, and checked over their progress on the monthlies, you approached the club editor.

“How’s the Volleyball Club article coming, (F/N)-kun?” They asked you.

You nodded your head before voicing, “I got personal interviews from all the players last night. I’m going to try and get the managers and coach today. But, I actually wanted to say, well I guess more ask…um…”

The editor looked at you patiently.

Taking a deep breath, your body took a tad more rigid stance. “I was invited by the coach to watch a joint practice with another school tonight, and then to watch over their practice matches all day tomorrow with two other schools. I thought it would be good to implement into the article, but wanted to make sure that was okay.”

“Oh yea, go for it. This article is mostly your’s, you know. I’ll have some input in the end before putting it into the paper, but do what you think will be good.” They explained. “Just remember that you have to keep an unbiased opinion. That’s why the third and second years were so okay with me giving you this big of an assignment with how new you are.”

You nodded once before taking off.

“(F/N)-san!” You heard Hitoka call as you were making your way to the second gym.

You sent your classmate a smile, “Hey, Hitoka-san. What’s up? Shouldn’t you be in the gym by now?”

The two of you had closed the distance between you, and were no longer shouting over the expanse of this part of your campus. She shook her head profusely. “We did some warm-up stuff and set up the gym, but we are waiting on Nekoma’s bus.” She looked over her shoulder quickly before smiling at you. “You should come wait with us! They’ll be here any minute and it’s not like anyone is in the gym right now anyway.”

“Oh! That’s true.” You nodded and gave the blonde a smile. “If you’re sure it won’t be a problem.”

She turned around, the air flipping the ends of her hair out, and led you to where you assumed the rest of the Volleyball Club was located.

“Tsukki.” Yamaguchi tried.

No response.

“Tsukki, listen.” He whispered a bit louder.

The taller boy didn’t say anything, but let his eyes move to the freckled faced first year.

“What’s gunna happen if any of the Nekoma guys decide they like (F/N)-sama too?”

Tsukishima shook his head, “Doesn’t matter.” When the near-green haired boy said nothing, the blonde continued. “We all got closer with her during the interviews, without that it would have just been us liking whatever it was about her that we liked. Nothing would come from it. So, even if the Nekoma team starts to like her, it won’t matter. It’ll just be one sided one them.”

Accepting his friend’s reasoning, Yamaguchi was ready to drop the subject.

“That is only if she doesn’t immediately like any of them.”

The two first years looked to Narita, waiting for the second year to continue.

“Tsukishima-kun, what you said is right, but only if (F/N)-san doesn’t decide that she wants to get closer to them as well.” He gave a small smile to the two first years. “Although it would stink, it’s not like any of us have said anything to her about our feelings. Even if we are still trying to figure them out…”

At this point, Kinoshita, Tanaka, and Hinnoshita who had all been paying attention looked to one another. Silently questioning what they should say.

But, it was Nishinoya who had the answer. “Then shouldn’t we just tell her?”

The six boys looked to the shorter.

“Like, I mean this isn’t the best example I guess but like all year Tanaka and I were constantly telling Kiyoko-senpai how much we liked her. Since day one, we told her. But we’ve never said anything to (F/N)-kun?” He shook his head and smiled. “Then we just change that. If we tell her then yea it’s out of hands, but then even if anyone on Nekoma says something at least we’ll know she knows how we feel about her.”

Suga looked to Daichi and Asahi. The three had been listening in on the underclassman’s discussion.

“But wouldn’t that bother her?” Kageyama asked, calling everyone’s attention to himself.

Hinata’s eye bulged beside the setter. “I don’t want to bother her. We shouldn’t bother her. Let’s just keep things how they are.” The orange-haired boy just kept saying phrase after phrase. Repeating something along the lines of not breaking the friendships that everyone has formed.

“We don’t know what will or won’t happen with (F/N)-sama if we tell her. But I don’t know if it’s good for us to all tell her our feelings at the same time. That might be challenging for her.”

Daichi coughed a few times into his fist, alerting everyone to your approaching figure. “Nobody make her uncomfortable. Coach Ukai approved of this for the article, not because we all wanted to see her more.”

The team quickly nodded to their captain and went silent on the previous topic of conversation.

“Hello boys.” You called, taking the last few steps into the group of players. “How was everyone’s classes?”

Some of the boys responded, others just smiled. Tsukishima just ignored you and kept doing something on his phone.

Hitoka walked towards Hinata and Kageyama and you mouthed a ‘thank you’ to the girl. For saving you from waiting alone at the gymnasium.

Second time today one of the managers found you at the gym…what does that say about my luck. You thought.

“(F/N)-sama?” You heard from behind you. Turning, you saw a small smile take Suga’s face.

You smiled back, “Suga-san! I’m so sorry about what happened during lunch! I totally didn’t mean to blow you guys off.” You laughed at your own mistake, “I just didn’t realize we didn’t set up a meet-up place until lunch had started, and no one was at the gym, and then I ran into Kiyoko-senpai, and then I realized I didn’t have my bag or my lunch, and then—”

“(F/N).” The silver-haired boy interrupted. You noted that his eyes were blown back in surprise. But you couldn’t think of why he’d be surprised. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. I was actually planning to apologize to you.” He smiled and lifted his hand to rub the back of his neck. “I thought you might be angry with us third years because of some stupid reasons that my mind came up with, and I dreaded the idea of letting you down like that.” The blinding smile that overtook his features was extremely contagious. “So, I’m really happy you don’t hate me…hate us now.”

You shook your head at his comment. “How could I possibly hate any of you? You’re all helping me with this article, you’ve all been so nice and respectful, and it’s been really helpful to meet so many different types of people in this new school.” Your head naturally fell to the side as your eyes squinted with a growing smile. “I’m so, so grateful.”

“I told you not to worry about it, Suga-san.” Daichi chided, calling your attention to himself. “I should apologize to you about the whole situation though. I told Suga we should wait at the bench we had our one-on-one interviews at last night, but that ended up being a bad call.”

The half-smile he expressed irked you. It wasn’t the team captain’s fault that you didn’t even think of the bench. Even though it’s so obvious now why I should have. Physically, you slapped you head and groaned. “I’m so stupid.”

Looking at each other nervously, the two volleyball players shrugged at each other. Silently expressing that they didn’t know what to do.

“Oi! Don’t hit your head like that.” Tsukishima stated, not even bothering to look up from his electronic device. “The sound is annoying.”

You couldn’t see it but you knew he smirked at his own comment. “Shut it Tsukki.” You called back, not taking the time to look at the fellow first year. “At least when I smack my head it doesn’t sound hollow. Too bad I can’t say the same for you.”

At the sound of his tsk, you smirked.

Returning your attention to the third years, “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think of the bench. I did eventually go to the gym, but by then lunch was almost over.”

“That’s when you met with Shimizu-san, right?” Asahi asked, as he stepped over to your small group.

Nodding your head, you explained the rest of your lunch period.

The third years smiled to one another at their manager’s kindness, making note to thank her for being so helpful. Asahi smiled a bit wider because now he understood the dark-haired-beauty’s words a little more.

You were in the middle of laughing at something Yamaguchi told you, when Hinata and Tanaka started freaking out that they saw a bus.

A couple minutes later and a large Coach pulled up in front of your group.

You took a few steps back, so you could focus on seeing how your school’s team interacts with this new one.

“Oi, Kenma-kun. We’re here. Put the game up.” Nekoma’s captain told his team’s setter.

The blonde lifted his head before following the instructions.

Standing in the bit of room between his seat and the one in front of him, Kozume Kenma looked out the window to see his excitable friend. His cat-like eyes almost missed the (H/C)-haired girl, sweetly smiling as she looked over the team. “Kuroo-kun.” He called, and the captain smirked down at him.

“Yessss, Kenma-kun.” He drawled, shaking his fringe more to the side.

Looking up at his old friend with a blank face, Kenma asked what he had been thinking. “Did Karasuno get another new manager?”

“Another one?!” Yamamoto Taketora practically screamed as he jumped out of his seat. He clutched his short mohawk closer to his head after hitting his dome against the cupboards above. He looked out his own window and let his eyebrows stretch across his hairline. “They have tree girl managers now?!! I’m so jealous of Tanaka and them!”

Tetsurou Kuroo turned his smirk to the team Ace. “We can always steal the new one?”

“You can’t steal someone, Kuroo-kun. That’s kidnapping.” Yaku Morisuke chided. Hitting the captain in the back of the head. “Besides, we are here for a joint practice. Tomorrow we are playing games against them and Fukurodani. That’s what’s important this weekend.”

Smiling at his friend, Kai Nobuyuki stepped in the walkway between the front two seats of the bus. “Well, what’re we waiting for? Let’s get going.”

As a group of burgundy clad boys exited the Coach and started pulling their luggage from the storage units underneath, you noticed how some members of your team were really close with a few members of Nekoma’s.

Hinata was excitedly jumping around a boy a bit taller than him with dark roots contrasting his mostly blonde hair.

Kageyama just stood off to the side, slightly glaring at who you figured was an unsuspecting guest.

Tsukishima kept trying to discreetly hide behind Yamaguchi, but the freckle faced boy didn’t seem to understand this and would move to face his friend. After a few runs, the person whom the blonde had been attempting to avoid saw him. Walking up and slinging an arm over his shoulders caused the glasses wearing crow to tsk. The black-haired guest just laughed and said something you couldn’t hear.

A boy with a short blonde mohawk that contrasted his dark shaved sides talked with Nishinoya and Tanaka. The two Karasuno team members kept smiling at each other as the three talked, and you found yourself wondering what they could be discussing.

Suga and Daichi could be seen talking to a short, light-brown-haired individual who kept a tight hold onto a tall, lanky silver haired boy. The taller guest looked like he wanted to go join Hinata in how he kept tugging on his teammate’s arm.

Near them, Asahi was standing near yet another buzz-cut styled volleyball player. His dark-thick eyebrows highlighted his calm expression. You figured the two were friends by how easily they seemed to take each other’s presence.

Looking over the whole group, you found Hisashi talking to a boy whose hair could rival his own in how spiked out it was. You smiled at how the two looked standing next to each other, thinking, they could be related.

Hinnoshita and Narita weren’t really talking to the Nekoma players, but they stood with a long, dark-haired boy with large pupils, whose short height could rival Noya’s, near the bus’ storage units. While a taller boy with tiny pupils in his eyes stood talking about how much he was looking forward to the joint practice.

“It’s great seeing everyone together again.” You heard Kiyoko next to you and turned to the girl, questionably. “There’s an age-old rivalry between these two school within the volleyball program. It’s really great that we were able to reconnect with them this year. And, we even have a chance to see them playing at National’s and we are looking forward to it.”

You smiled at the third year, “That’s awesome. I appreciate the background information.”

She smiled at you before leaving to greet the other team’s coach. You saw your own team’s coach head in the same direction, and wondered if both team’s captains would greet the coaches as well.

Your wondering didn’t last long as you saw Daichi place a hand on Suga’s shoulder before joining the small group. Then, you watched all the boys in between you and the bus, looking to see who from Nekoma’s team would join.

When the tall, bed-head-styled boy that had been around Tsukishima half-jogged to stand by the adults, your mouth dropped. You never would have guessed that the black-cat-like individual was the other’s team captain. Then thought, just goes to show you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, baka.

Releasing a sigh, you dug for your small notebook in your bag. Writing down some of the observations you had seen in the short interaction period.

a/n: I’m a chapter away from this being 20 chapters long...who knows how long this’ll be.

[jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets]

OK!!!! here it is! So, fair warning, this story will be done in episodes. so each fic will be posted as one episode with chapters and its gunna be a long trek, but i like it that way lol

also sorry for any spelling or grammer mistakes, i tried to get  them all but i may have missed some... oops! and if you like it let me know if you want to be tagged in the future! ok... here we go...

Chapter 1:

         “Graduation tomorrow, Bones, can you believe it!?” Jim smacked his friend in the chest as they strolled through the Academy halls, “And after summer we have six months of placement, the only thing currently standing between me and a ship. Once placement is finished then it’s space, space, nothing but space, sitting in my captains chair.”

    Bones groaned beside him, the thought of being in space still haunting him all these years later, “Space is disease and danger, wrapped in darkness and silence. We’ll be lucky if we don’t end up with Microbian Stephis, see if you're still bouncing around when you're bleeding from every organ you’ve got. And let’s hope we don’t come across Glorian Pink Eye, cuz I don’t wanna hear you complaining when you can’t see through you're swollen, puss filled eye balls.”

    Jim laughed, turning to look at the scowling man beside him. “Bones, why did you even signup for Starfleet?”

    “I told you, the ex-wife took everything in the divorce, all I’ve got left-”

    “Is your bones,” he finished for him with a smirk and a nod, “I know, Bones.”

    Bones stopped walking, Jim turning to face him, “Well,” Bones said, crossing his arms, a hint of mockery in his voice, “if you’d listened that well in your Earth History class then maybe you would have passed with a better grade.”

    “Earth history is boring.” And it was true, even Bones had to admit he hated that class just as much as Jim did. As a peace keeping planet, not too much happened on Earth.

    “I know it was boring, but…” he sighed, wondering if he should even bring it up, “Jim, you're Pa is a major part of Earth’s history.”

    He regretted bringing up the topic immediately as he watched as Jim’s bright, hopeful, ready to take on the universe attitude did a complete u-turn right before his eyes.

    “I know,” he replied, suddenly finding something on the floor fascinating, before whispering, “I just wish he could have been part of mine.”

    Bones was about to reach out, tell Jim he shouldn’t be upset but instead should be proud of his Pa, because if it wasn’t for him, Jim and so many others wouldn’t be alive today. But right before his arm made contact with Jim, his friend was shoved violently into him from behind, Bones catching him just before he hit the floor.

    He peered around Jim to see who had been able to shove him so hard to knock him almost clean off his feet, and was surprised to see a dirty blonde pony tail standing behind him.

    He pushed Jim off of him and continued to stare at this girl, unable to even comprehend the English language let alone speak it. He couldn’t see much of her face, for it was shoved nose deep in a PADD, but he could tell she was the most beautiful thing this side of the whole damn planet but… what should he say?! He had been married once before so he should know what to do by now… shouldn’t he?!

    Before he could manage to compose himself she began walking past them, not seeming to be the slightest bit bothered by what had just occurred. While all Bones could do was just stand there wide eyed while the cat had his tongue, Jim decided he was going to give her a piece of his mind.

    “Hey!” he shouted, “Maybe you should get your nose out of that PADD and actually pay attention to where you're going! Damn near killed me!”

    The girl turned, shifting her eyes away from her PADD and to Jim for a mere fraction of a second, before turning back.

    When she looked at him, Jim became as stoic as Bones, there was something about this girl… but it couldn’t be, “It can’t be her,” he whispered, more to himself then Bones, “Not after all this time, it…” he shook his head, fighting the back and forth in his mind, then decided to just go for it. He suddenly bolted, sprinting across the hallway leaving Bones behind. He raised a hand in the air as he ran towards her shouting, “Rielle!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    “Rielle, could you please assist me later on this evening in completing a laboratory experiment on the chemical attributes of the flora the U.S.S Hudson retrieved on their mission to Reverion last week?”

    The dirty blonde turned slowly in her chair as her fingers slid gracefully over the PADD she had been stuck to for nearly three days now. Without removing her eyes from the screen she answered, “Of course, Spock, when and where?”

    “Laboratory B, at 1800 hours would be excellent.”

    “Sounds good,” though Spock wondered if she was actually listening to him.

    Before he could voice his concerns that she would leave him standing in the labs alone tonight, her comm went off.

    “Lieutenant Rielle,” she answered, still not removing her eyes from the object before her.

    “Rielle, it’s Pike. Meet me in my office in ten, we have some last minute details we need to go over before tomorrows graduation.”

    “Roger that!” Spock shook his head at her lack of restraint. Had she have been anyone else, the captain would have had her head for forgetting to add “sir” to the end of that reply.

    She placed the comm in it’s holder on her belt and stood making way for the door. “Spock,” she turned, “I don’t know how long this meeting with Pike will take, but knowing that man, probably forever. Is there any way we could do the experiment tomorrow? Same time, same place?”

    “I see no harm in waiting one more day, Lieutenant.”

    “Thanks, Spock.” And with that she was gone and practically running through the halls, which she would soon come to regret.

    She was almost there, mere meters away from Pikes office, when some bozo decided it was a good idea to stop in the middle of the hallway. Right smack dab in her way. Now, it was partly her fault since she couldn’t tear herself away from the article on transwarp beaming she had been reading for three days, Montgomery Scott was a fine engineer indeed, but she would never admit to anyone that she was to blame for colliding with the idiot in front of her.

    She decided now was not the time to get in a heated argument with the blond she almost knocked to the ground, hoping maybe that would be enough to perhaps knock some sense into him, and carried on past him. Apparently not.

    “Hey!” he shouted, “Maybe you should get your nose out of that PADD and actually pay attention to where you're going! Damn near killed me!”

    It took just about every inch of self control she had to not turn back and punch that mouthy son of a bitch in the face, but somehow she managed it. She turned, throwing a wave in his direction and making slight eye contact, and instantly wished she hadn’t.

    As soon as her eyes made contact with those baby blues, she knew. No one else in the entire galaxy could ever match that shade of blue, no one, and her suspicions where right when he called her name.

“Rielle!”

    “Oh god, no…” she didn’t want to turn back, didn’t want this confrontation now, or ever again to be honest. Maybe if she just kept walking there was a chance he wouldn’t get to her before she could get to Pike’s office. Today, it seemed, was not her lucky day.

    Steps away from the door the boy grabbed her arm, stopping her just before she opened it.

    “Rielle!” she dropped her PADD to the floor hearing his voice, “Rielle… don’t you remember me? It’s Jim-”

    He was stopped short by a sharp slap to the cheek as she turned to finally face him.

    “Oh, I remember you Jim Kirk!” her face red with rage.

    He let her arm go, pulling back a step to place a hand on his now burning cheek, “Still as fiery as ever, I see.”

    “Screw you Jim! How dare you come up to me after all these years and act as if nothing happened! Did you think I would just forgive you? Did you think you could just walk up to me, strike up a conversation, and we could just step right back into where things left off?!” she paused to cross her arms, “you do remember how things left off, don’t you?”

    “Rielle, I-”

    She put a hand up, stopping him again, “Save it, Jim, I’ve got a meeting with Captain Pike, and now you’ve made me late.”

    With that she opened the door and quickly closed it behind her.

    Bones, finally remembering that English was his native language, came to stand beside a still dumbfounded Jim. “What the hell was that all about? Why’d she hit you?”

    “Because,” he replied mindlessly as he reached down to grab the PADD she had dropped at his feet, “I’m a huge idiot.”

    “Yeah,” Bones sighed, “what else is new?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Chris Pike looked up from his desk as his office door flew opened and quickly slammed shut. He was even more surprised by the fact that the blonde who rushed in also locked the door behind her. Unusual.

    Without sparing her a second glance, he returned to his work and muttered mindlessly, “Everything alright, Rielle?”

    “No!” she practically screamed, “I just bumped into Jim Kirk.”

    “Jim Kirk?!” Chris abandoned his work, pushing it aside, “The Jim Kirk?! He's here?!”

    “Yes, the Jim Kirk.” She peeled herself from her previous place leaning on the door and made her way to the chair in front of Chris’s desk, planting herself there. She put both feet on the desk in front of her, crossing her arms across her chest. “How did you not know he was at the Academy?”

    “There are so many students here, I barely know any of them, and I rarely teach.” He raised a brow at her as she slouched further in her chair, attempting to read her as he then asked, “And how do you feel about Jim being at the Academy?”

    “Angry,” she shook her head as she continued, “furious, upset, used, left behind, appalled, and did I mention angry? God, I'm so mad at him!”

    Chris sighed, he knew everything there was to know about the history between Jim Kirk and Rielle. He knew there was so much to their past that meant the world to her, but what Jim did, he was never sure she could forgive though he had hoped she would should this day ever come. But if there was one thing in the universe that Chris Pike was absolutely sure on, it was just how stubborn he knew Rielle could be.

    He pushed out from his desk and moved to sit on the corner beside her feet. He let out a small chuckled at her scornful expression before asking, “Well, did you tell him that?”

    “Are you kidding me?!” she exclaimed, eyes wide, “After what he did, I think it’s quite clear he doesn’t care at all! About me, or anyone other then himself. Not to mention the fact that when I bumped into him and he finally realized it was me, he walked up to me as if nothing even happened. Does he think that I’m just going to forgive him and move on, just like that?!”

    Yep, just as stubborn as always. “Rielle, I'm going to give you my honest opinion here, and I want you to listen to everything I have to say.” She nodded, urging him to continue, “Jim Kirk is, and always has been, your world. Maybe he was right to act as if nothing happened, maybe you two should just move forwards instead of looking backwards.”

    Rielle scrunched her brows and sat forwards ready to argue but was cut off by Chris's hand.

    “Wait,” he stopped her, “listen to every word. Instead of brushing Jim off why don’t you see what he has to say? Maybe he has a good reason for what he did.”

    “A good reason?!” that’ll be the day, she thought, “What good reason could he have for abandoning me?!”

    “You’ll never know the truth unless you ask,” he shrugged.

    “Well…” she sat back in the chair, staring straight, “what does one even say in a situation like this?”

    “Hi,” he said simply, “nice to see you, I missed you, can we talk?”

    “I don’t know,” she brought a hand up to her head resting it on her temple, “I don’t know if I even want to know what insane, hair brained excuse that giant idiot can come up with.”

    “Look,” he began, a stern look in his eyes, one she had seen many times, “I saw what he did to you, how badly he hurt you, and how it affected you even years after. The least he can give you is an explanation.”

    “Yeah, I guess you're right.”

    “Good,” he gave her shoulder a light tap before returning to his chair behind the desk, “now, we still have a lot to do before graduation tomorrow and I am panicking!”

    She chuckled as she found comfort in the thought that some things never change. Sit Chris Pike in the captains chair and throw him into battle, and you'll witness the most well put together man the universe has ever seen, cool, collected, and confident. But ask him to do the simple task of organizing this year’s graduation and a chicken with its head cut off would look more organized then Chris.

    She reached out and took a small stack of papers from Chris, getting right to work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    “Good god, man!”

    Jim and Bones were sat across from each other in the cafeteria. Jim telling Bones all about the blonde from the hallway, while a stunned Bones listened with a mouthful of spaghetti hovering halfway between his mouth and his plate.

    “I can’t believe you did that?! I mean, I knew you didn’t have a heart, but come on!” He placed the fork on the plate, giving up on his food altogether, “I don’t think even a Klingon is that cold blooded, Jim.”

    “Come on, Bones,” Jim slouched deeper in his chair, “I already feel awful about it, don’t make me feel worse.”

    “Well you should,” he nodded at him, “pretty girl like that, you should feel worse then my Uncle Charlie after Thanksgiving dinner. And let me tell you, six helpings of turkey dinner washed down with an entire bottle of whiskey ain’t a pretty sight.”

    Usually Jim found amusement in his friends’ metaphors, but not today. Today he sat across from Bones, his appetite completely vanished, and his usual Kirk charm nowhere to be found. All of his thoughts were on Rielle.

    Bones took the last bit of food off his fork and noticed that Jim’s plate remained unusually full, the kid had a black hole for a stomach he was sure, but instead he stared blankly at the table. “If it’s bothering you that much, would it kill you to try again?”

    “No,” he slowly looked up to Bones, “but she might.”

    He waved a hand at him, “I think you're over exaggerating, Jim, she looks harmless.”

   “Looks can be deceiving, Bones.”

    “Look,” he began, stern faced, “I say tomorrow, after the ceremony, you find her and apologize.”

    Jim shook his head, “You don’t know her like I do. She won’t forgive me, I wouldn’t forgive me.”

    “You might be surprised, Jim,” he took up his tray and turned away from the table before shouting back, “I'm sorry goes a long way”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Jim and bones filed into the stadium with the rest of the graduating cadets. It was decorated in star fleet colours, complete with chair covers, banners, even balloons. Jim was impressed, so was Bones.

    He let out a whistle as they entered the stadium, “You wouldn’t think it but the professors sure do know how to put on a good spread,” he nudged Jim as they went to find their assigned seats.

    “Yeah,” he said as they came up on row 12E for Bones and 13G for Jim, turns out Jim's seat was right behind Bones, “I just hope the foods good.”

    “You not gunna ask your pretty friend to dinner after the ceremony?” Bones tried to make it sound like a tease but Jim knew it was a serious question.

    “She might not even be here.” Jim thought back to his years at the academy. He had taken the mandatory courses but also chose to take on almost five times that of a normal course load as extra electives, and he had never seen Rielle in any of them. In fact, aside from yesterday in the halls, he had never seen her in the Academy, period. “She might not even be graduating. I don’t know what year she's in, or if she graduated already. I mean, before everything went down between us, she was talking about enlisting, so there’s a chance she's way ahead of us.”

    Before Bones could give his two cents the lights dimmed and the stage before them lit up as their professors, captains, and admirals lined the stage before sitting on the chairs placed there for them.

    Bones turned back to Jim tapping his leg, and Jim leaned forwards, “Front row, second from the podium. There’s your pretty blonde.”

    Jim gaped, wide eyed at the stage, “She's a teacher?!”

    A man, who Jim recognized as Admiral Markus, came to the podium silencing the crowd before him, but Jim remained hunched forwards close to Bones as Markus spoke. “Welcome, everyone! Today we gather to celebrate the great minds of these wonderful people sitting here before us. Our future.” He gestured to the cadets below and the crowd gave a short cheer, “But I'm not going to take all the credit for this brilliant ceremony, and instead I will hand you over to Captain Pike, one of our most esteemed members of Starfleet. He singlehandedly organized this entire ceremony for you, so cadets, make sure you give Captain Pike your thanks on your way out. Over to you, Captain.”

    Jim paled for the second time that night. He thought bumping into Rielle was bad enough, but this was worse. “Bones!” he whispered harshly while smacking his shoulder, “Bones!”

    “What?!”

    “I know him too!” he pointed to the man now standing at the podium.

    “Seriously?! You think you know a guy,” he shook his head, “What did you do to him?”

    “No, it’s not like that, he's-”

    Jim was cut short in his explanation as Captain Pike began his speech, “Thank you, Admiral Markus. But, this is not about me, this night is about you. Your hard work and dedication has gotten you this far and let me tell you, it does not end here my friends. In fact, this is just the beginning. Now, I’ve had the pleasure of teaching some of you, and I use the word pleasure lightly here, looking at you Kurt Mccullen.” A small hoot was heard from somewhere to Jim’s right and the stadium erupted in a rumble of laughter. Jim shot his attention to the chair second to the left and watched as Rielle let a small smile escape. That smile, Jim thought, I missed it. “But honestly, in all my years as a teacher and captain, I have never known a better group of cadets. I am confident when I say that I know you were all meant for great things, and we all expect it of you. So, with that I will say congratulations on making it through and let’s kick this ceremony into full gear. If I could have row 1 please join me for your degrees.”

    It took what felt to Jim like a lifetime before Captain Pike called row 13 to the front, but it finally happened. Bones passed him on his way back to his seat, giving him a “good luck” bump on his arm, and then it was Jim’s turn. He stood a few feet away from the stage, waiting for his name to be called, butterflies doing flips in hi stomach. He couldn’t even look up as Captain Pike began to speak.

    “And now, I call upon a cadet who…” Pike paused, turning to look back at Rielle for a brief moment before continuing, “Who I have known for a long time. Someone I, unfortunately, did not have the pleasure of teaching during his time here at the Academy, though someone who I am sure exceeded the expectations of his teachers, and will continue to do so as he ventures forth on whatever path he should choose. Cadet James T. Kirk, come on up and get your degree, son.”

    Jim took the four small steps up to the podium and stood before Captain Pike. He looks Jim dead in the eyes, and for a moment Jim wasn’t sure what he would say, but what he did say left Jim a bit shocked, “Well son, despite everything, congratulations.” He took Jim’s hand, holding it between them, “I'm sorry I didn’t know you were enlisted in the Academy or I would have tried to contact you sooner, I…”

   Pike noticed as Jim glanced at Rielle from the corner of his eye. She was standing with the other Academy Officials, trying very hard not to make any eye contact with him. Pike gave Jim’s hand one final squeeze before finally handing him his degree and saying with a pat to his shoulder, “Go on son,” and nodding in her direction.

    Jim couldn’t even speak, he didn’t know what to say. All he could do was nod and slowly make his way over to Rielle. He was standing in front of her, trying to think of what he could possibly come up with that wouldn’t make her hate him even more then she already does, when just as she was about to look up, a hand took her shoulder turning her away from Jim.

    He jumped out of his trace and looked to see some bowl cut, pointy eared guy behind her, now holding all of her attention. He shook his head, deciding that maybe right here on stage wasn’t the place to be harshly rejected in front of his entire graduating class, and made his way back to his seat behind Bones.

    He plopped himself down hard with a huff as Bones leaned back to ask, “Didn’t go well, did it?”

    “No!” Just my luck, he thought, “Who is that pointy eared bastard, anyways?”

    “Alright,” Pike began again before Bones could answer, “now that everyone has received their degrees and awards, there is one more item on the agenda that needs to be tended to. So, without further adieu, I would like to invite someone very special to the stage to present our last but perhaps our most prestigious award. I would like to invite Starfleet's very own head researcher, data analyst, science officer, engineer specialist, and all round go to girl, Rielle.”

    “Wow!” Bones nodded as he watched her walk across the stage replacing Pike, “Pretty and smart.”

    “I… I never knew she had accomplished so much.”

    Bones turned in his seat to face Jim completely. He leaned an arm on the back of his seat and sighed, “Well, Jim, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, it's kind of your own fault that you don’t know anything about her anymore.”

    As Bones turned his attention back to the stage Jim couldn’t help but feel he was right. It was all his fault.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Rielle stood, hands clasped in front of her, watching from the corner of her eye as Pike gave Jim his degree. All she wanted was for him to walk past her without so much as a second glance and take his seat in the sea of cadets. Then she saw his feet move, towards her instead of the stairs to her right. Panic swelled in her chest, her breathing escalated, and when his feet stopped moving right in front of her she thought she would pass out right there on stage. Rielle was a strong girl, there was hardly a conflict she couldn’t handle, but Jim Kirk was the one exception.

    She thought maybe it would be best to just get this over with. To give him what he wanted and talk to him, maybe then he would go away. Surely the interest he currently holds in trying to talk to her would soon fade and she could go back to pretending he no longer existed.

    With a sigh she swallowed her pride and slowly began lifting her head to meet his eyes, when a god send grabbed her shoulder turning her completely away from Jim and she could not have been happier.

    Her head snapped up to find Spock, hand still on her shoulder as she whispered, “Is he still there?!”

    “He has returned to his seat.”

    “Thank god,” she clutched her chest, bending over slightly, “that was not something I wanted to deal with right now.”

    Spock moved his eyes along the crowd, finding Jim almost directly in the center of the stadium, “That is him, correct? The man you told me of before?”

    She nodded, “yeah, that’s him.” She brought a hand up to ruffle the hair in her pony tail, “I thought he was gone Spock, I thought… I thought I would never see him again. Here I am only now getting over him, ten years later, and he shows up just to blow my emotions back into hyperdrive.”

    “Perhaps,” he shifted his weight slightly and tilted his head to whisper only to her, “I should take on the form of human culture and offer my services should you need someone to, as you say, “give him a good beating””

    She couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her lips. Rielle had known Spock for a long time now and was used to Spock being all Vulcan all the time, but whenever he let a little bit of human slip through the cracks of his hard Vulcan exterior, it made even the worst of days seem a little brighter.

    “I would like to invite Starfleet's very own head researcher, data analyst, science officer, engineer specialist, and all round go to girl, Rielle.” She tuned in just in time to catch the end of Pikes speech and turned her head to the podium. Pike was gesturing her over to take his place.

    “Well, that’s my cue,” she flashed the Vulcan a small smile and a wink before she left, “thanks Spock.”

    With a salute she replaced pike at the podium and faced the crowd. The stadium was completely full, not an empty seat to be found. Did it scare her, to be in front of all those people giving a speech? No, not one bit, she lived for this. She just hoped that she could keep her wandering eyes at bay, should she dare to spy Jim in the crowd.

    With one single breath, she placed her hands on the podium and began, cool, collected, and confident, “Thank-you, Captain Pike, and hello cadets, congratulations to you all. I am here to award a very special cadet with one of the Academy’s most distinguished awards.

    When I graduated the academy eight years ago, I was honoured to receive thirteen awards in various subjects ranging from linguistics, to engineering, nuclear biology, xenoethics and culture, captaincy, ambassadorial introduction, and many others. I received the highest marks in the courses and received high praises from teachers and guests to our Academy on my high level of understanding in all areas of study. And that is what this award is all about. This award will be given to the cadet whom the staff have widely recognized as an all round achieving student, but instead of handing out thirteen awards, we have decided to join them together into one."

    Now, I do not know the name of the recipient of this award, only Admiral Markus holds that knowledge, but I have been told that this cadet is someone that everyone should aspire to be, should look up to. I am told that they excelled in all areas of study and continue, even now, to seek out new opportunities to further their knowledge and understanding of everything we stand for here at Starfleet. This cadet leaves here tonight with offers from not only Starfleet, but from outlying planets such as Ateron, Vulmencia, Draxus 9, and even Niam. They have received offers from various science academies, ambassadors, and have been hand picked by several captains here at Starfleet who would like to offer them a place on their ships. These include the U.S.S Galdor, Victoir, Gazine, as well as the Enterprise captained by Captain Pike, whose offer was submitted last night. This cadet clearly has a great future ahead of them, one that they deserve, and any of these offers would be a great path to follow. Though, I might suggest the Enterprise, it is after all the ship I will be serving on come summer and I would love to work with and get to know this amazing cadet. Now, I think we have left this cadet in enough suspense so Admiral Markus,” she turned then, one hand outstretched towards the man in question, “may I ask for the envelope now, please?”

    With a smile he stood, reaching a hand inside his jacket, and retrieving a small palm sized envelope handing it to Rielle.

    “Thank-you, Sir,” she turned back to the crowd holding the envelope up slightly, “Inside this envelope holds the name of the very remarkable cadet I have had the absolute honour of speaking about tonight. I encourage you all, as fellow cadets, friends, and possibly future coworkers, to congratulate this cadet in their hard work and dedication that got them to where they are today. And so, the recipient of this years Starfleet Achievement award is…” she broke the seal of the envelope and slowly pulled the paper out. She could hear the anticipation in the air, the hope and desperation. She turned the small piece of paper over to reveal the name and instantly felt all the blood drain from her body, “James T. Kirk,” she whispered to herself. Well if someone was trying to make her day go from bad to worse, they did it.

    Realizing that all eyes were still on her she moved closer to the mic, regaining her cool, collected, and confident attitude that she normally held, and spoke, “The recipient is James T. Kirk.”

    The crowd erupted into cheers and her head turned to her right as she saw Jim stand and begin making his way towards the stairs. Once he had made his way to stand before her, she steadied her breath and looked him dead in the eyes as she said without waiver, “James Tiberius Kirk, I am honoured to award you with the Starfleet Achievement award.”

    He flashed her that James T. Kirk smile, the one that always used to bring her to her knees, and damn if she wasn’t feeling that now. After he took the award from her he held out his hand waiting for her to take it. Truthfully, she didn’t want to, but she knew what it felt like to be embarrassed in front of so many people. Reluctantly she took his hand, and the second she made contact with Jim she never wanted to let go again. It was like everything came rushing back and she realized just how much she truly missed him. Missed his smile, his charm, his whit. She missed scary movies in the dark, star gazing on the roof, staying up all hours of the night just to talk about nothing. She actually missed James T. Kirk.

    Before she could collect her thoughts and say anything else the crowd of cadets stood and suddenly they were standing under a cascade of graduation caps. She removed her hand from where it was still connected with Jim’s and took her chance to escape through the sea of people now making their way to the stage. Jim tried to grab her before she could but lost her faster then he could blink an eye. Bones found him then, and informed him that there was food being served in the main hall if he cared to join, to which Jim turned down. Normally, bones would insist on a physical after personally witnessing Jim turn down food twice in less then twenty-four hours, but he knew why. He knew the rejection from the blonde was hitting Jim in a way that bones didn’t quite understand yet, and he knew Jim just needed time.

    With a clasp on the back bones left and Jim stayed in the stadium, sitting on the edge of the stage watching as the crowd got smaller and smaller, until finally it was just him.

    Footsteps made their way towards Jim, slowly and cautiously. The clearing of a throat bought Jim out of his slump long enough to look up to the owner of the feet in front of him.

    “Rielle!”

    She shifted nervously, not quite knowing what to say, then decided to follow some wise advice, “Hi,” she said quietly, almost so Jim couldn’t hear, “nice to see you, I missed you, can… can we talk?”

    “Yeah,” he said, a bit shocked, “yeah of course.”

    “Good,” she nodded, “coffee on Dunstan Street?”

    Jim stood, a little too quickly almost sending himself flying off the stage. He wasn’t sure what this was, whether she was still angry, hurt, he didn’t know, but he did hope that this was a sign she was possibly willing to let it go and move forwards. Either way, he was willing to give it everything he had if it meant a small possibility of having her back in his life.

    He held an arm out, leading her towards the exit, and she allowed him to without struggle. Halfway across the stadium she tilted her head up to Jim, “oh! And you're definitely buying.”

    He stopped, staring at her with mock anger before bursting out laughing. Some things never change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SOOOOOOOO let me know what you guys think!!  happy thoughts i hope!!

thanks for reading XD if you made it this far lol

[minyoongi-smile]

Yoonmin - Robot (pt.7)

(gif not mine - cred to owner)

*Yoonmin*, Namjin, Vkook, single jhope, drugs, depression, angst, solo-rapper yoongi au 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

“Will you please stop moping for an hour and come with me to the doctor’s office?” Jimin is still mad that I did the concerts last week, but I hate going alone to the doctor.

“Fine.” He reluctantly follows me out the door.

He’s mad because a few times during all three, I took small breaks between songs to throw up, and then after each concert, I collapsed once I was back in the dressing room. Thankfully none of the fans were able to find out, but I did hear Jimin watching theory videos on youtube about me being sick or why I’ve been acting differently.

“Did you ever find out when your contract is up? It has to be soon, right?”

“It is soon.”

“Do you know when?”

“Around two months. Probably a little less by now. I found out two weeks ago at the interview. Most of the two months will be just me resting. My manager said that the CEO will try to offer me a lot to stay, but I already know I’m ditching them.”

“You better not stay with them. I think we both know that they wouldn’t treat you any differently than they are now.”

I have a face mask on to try and disguise myself, but a few times while we are walking, I am stopped by fans.

“Oh my god, Suga!”

“Who is the guy with you?”

“Are you sick?”

I know they have good intentions, but I’m going to be late for my appointment.

I turn to the people gathering around and say, “Hello everyone. I really would like to stay and say hi to everyone, but I’ve got a meeting to get to so I can’t stay. I’m sorry!” I try and push through a little bit, but more and more people are gathering around me and pushing past Jimin.

I see him on the phone and he signals to me to just hold on.

A few minutes later, a few larger guys walk over and break through the crowd, one going for Jimin, two coming for me. One tells me they were sent by the doctor’s office because Jimin called and told them what was happening.

They usher us to a van and are able to hold back the fans so I can actually get in.

“Thank you for calling.” I turn to Jimin.

“I wasn’t just going to let them devour you.”

When we get to the doctor’s office, thankfully no one followed us so I can go inside with no issues. I’m glad Jimin is with me. I’m starting to freak out since I haven’t exactly been following the instructions to get better.

I’m called back and I drag Jimin with me.

“Why do I have to go back with you?”

“I don’t like doctors offices.” He looks at me, seeing the fear in my eyes, and figures out why.

As a teenager, I had a lot of mental issues so I spent too long in doctors offices and hospitals. I just hate being anywhere near them.

“So, someone doesn’t listen very well…” The doctor scolds. “You were supposed to stay in and rest to get  better, but you went out and did interviews and shows. How do you expect to get better if you don’t follow your instructions?”

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t exactly tell my CEO no… that would have ended a lot worse than just going along with it and getting better afterwards. I’m on a break now, so it’ll be easier to rest now.”

“You’re CEO was sent your condition.”

“He didn’t care.”

“Why wouldn’t he care about your well being?” The doctor doesn’t understand.

Jimin cuts in, “The CEO is very harsh. He only really cares about the company making money. He treats all the artists horribly, but especially Yoongi. Even Yoongi’s manager tried to explain the situation, but the CEO threatened to fire him if he kept talking.”

“Why are you with the company if they treat you badly?”

“I was young when I signed a contract. I just was excited to be with a company. They were nice at first, but once I gained more popularity, they became harsh. I can’t leave until the contract expires, but it expires in two months.”

“Are they going to try and work you even more during the last two months?”

“No. I just finished the post-promotional concerts, so now it’s another writing period. The contract expires during the writing period, so it’s basically a big break.”

“Good. You need to rest. You need to stop overworking your body. You need to not be under stress.” The doctor has me weighed to see if I’ve gained any weight and he checks a few other things to see if my overall health has improved any. “You have a long way to go Yoongi.”

The doctor looks down at his laptop and then turns to me. “Yoongi, I’d like to talk to your friend for a few minutes, if that’s okay. You can wait in the lobby.” I nod and excuse myself.

I wonder why he wants to talk to Jimin… Maybe it’s just to ask him to keep an eye on me and make sure I am keeping up with the instructions. I can’t think of anything else he’d need to ask Jimin instead of me.

About 10 minutes pass by the time Jimin walks out.

“What was that about?” I stand as he approaches me.

“Let’s get going Yoongs. He said the car can take us back to your house.” It scares me that he doesn’t answer my question. Could it have been something more serious?

Jimin doesn’t speak the whole way back to my house. It worries me.

Once we pull up, I practically drag Jimin inside, ignoring his protests.

“Let me go Yoongi!”

I drag him up the stairs and push him into my room.

“What the hell Yoongi?! Why’d you do that?”

“Why are you ignoring me?”

“I’m n-not ignoring you.” His voice softens and he looks to the ground.

“Yes you are! Since you finished talking with the doctor, you have been avoiding talking to me. What did he say to you that made you pull away from me? You’re supposed to be my friend, you’re supposed to be here for me!”

“You want to know what he said? He said you’re worse than you were two weeks ago! He said if you keep pushing yourself, you’re gunna-” Jimin stops. It’s like his throat closed up and now him eyes are watering.

“Jimin?”

“He said that if you keep it up, you’re gunna kill yourself, Yoongi.”

“W-what?”

“You’ve been pushing yourself too much for too long. You aren’t strong enough to keep doing all these shows and practices, and you can’t be staying out so late, and you can’t be partying. He wanted to talk to me to see if I could talk you into taking a longer break.”

“What do you mean a longer break?”

“Like, after your contract, you’re probably going to find a new company, right?” I nod. “He wants you to hold off on finding a new place because they’re going to want you to start right away and it’ll be too demanding still. He wants you to take a longer break so you can get better.” I can’t believe it.

I turn around and face the wall. I can’t look at Jimin. I don’t want to break down crying in front of Jimin any more. I don’t want to be weak anymore.

“Yoongs, look at me.” I stay where I am.

Jimin turns me around forcefully but carefully. I look down to hide my teary eyes. I see his hand reach towards me. He turns my chin up so I’m looking into his eyes.

“You don’t need to pretend with me, Yoongs. You don’t need to be strong all the time. I understand if you need to cry. It’s okay.” He pulls me against him. I rest my head in the crook of his neck and breathe in his familiar scent. It’s comforting. It’s familiar.

I finally let go. I sob into Jimin’s shirt, probably staining it with my tears. But I don’t care. Just having him in my arms makes it a little better already.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you chim chim. Thank you.”

“How about you get some rest, Yoongs. You need it. I know you were up last night. I could hear you pacing.”

“What are you going to do?” This is my subtle way of asking him to join me.

“I’m going to have a shower, but then I’ll come keep you company, okay?” I nod, my head still resting on his chest. Jimin kisses my forehead before pulling away and walking to the bathroom. I climb into bed as I hear the shower turn on.

I don’t fully wake up, but I can tell when Jimin joins me because there’s a sudden warmth wrapped around me.

I wake up when Jimin starts to get up.

“Where are you going?” My sleep-heavy voice is raspy and deeper than usual.

“Did I wake you up?” Jimin’s voice is nothing but a whisper.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I have to pee. I’ll come back when I’m done.”

“Chim chim I’m hungry.”

“I don’t know if any of the meals Jin made are left. How about I order takeout for dinner?”

“Is it really that late?”

“Yeah, it’s almost 6:30pm.” I stretch out and yawn.

“Okay. I’ll get up I guess.”

“What, is it time to move to the couch?” Jimin’s little giggle makes me smile.

“Yep.”

I head downstairs and curl up on the couch. It’s just like another bed with all the pillows and blankets I have. I click on the TV and see that the interview I did a few weeks ago is playing again.

It’s so easy to see that something is wrong. Even my voice sounds different.

“Why are you watching that?” Jimin asks as he joins me on the couch.

“I don’t know.”

“Is it just a rerun?”

“I think so.” I lay down so my head is in Jimin’s lap. I doubt he minds. I know he likes playing with my hair since it’s a little longer right now.

As it progresses, we realize it’s not just my interview. It’s a different celebrity news channel ‘analyzing’ the interview and also talking about how earlier today another boy and I were pulled into a van after being mobbed by fans. The person is going way overboard.

“It was said by the fans that Suga was on his way to a meeting, but his company is on the other side of town, so it’s thought to have been a meeting with a doctor since it’s clear he hasn’t been well these past few weeks. Some have also speculated it was a meeting with a lawyer because after the behind the scenes of that interview, it’s clear there are tensions between the rapper and his company.” I mute the TV.

“Behind the scenes? What is she talking about?” I sit up immediately.

“You didn’t see, did you?”

“Obviously not!”

“Okay okay, calm down Yoongi. I’ll show you but please don’t get mad.” Jimin pulls out his phone and goes to youtube. “The interviewer released this video yesterday. No one knows why she waited so long after the actual interview to post it, but yeah…”

I take the phone and watch.

It’s clear she was hiding that she was recording it. It starts right as I run out of the room. I was on my way to go be sick, but no one knew at that point. It cuts to a black screen that says “Suga ran out and soon after, his manager followed. They were gone for about 10 minutes and watch carefully when he comes back in.” Then it shows my manager walking in and me following behind a few steps. It zooms in as I wipe my eyes. I was crying. There’s another black screen. “He walked in and it looked like he had been crying. The CEO walked over and Suga’s manager said Suga had gotten sick. The CEO harshly scolded Suga. For many reasons, I cannot show that part of the video, but this was taken right after it.” The video starts again and it’s me watching as the CEO storms out of the room. My manager walks over again and asks if I’m alright. I shove him away and go straight to the makeup chair. No one says another word. It ends with a final black screen. “Whatever is happening between Suga and the company doesn’t seem good. Plus with Suga being sick, that adds to everything that happened at that one concert. I just hope everything gets resolved quickly and Suga can recover from whatever is going on.”

“I can’t believe it.” I’m in shock. Even after that video, people still can’t fully see what’s going on.

“Yoongi, are you okay?” Jimin rubs my back softly, trying to comfort me.

“I don’t know. It’s just so fucked up. The company has been abusing me for years, and I can’t do anything about it until the contract ends. I just-” I’m cut off by a sharp knock on the door.

“That’s not the food… I haven’t even called yet.” Jimin gets up to check what the frantic knocking is about.

“Namjoon-hyung, Hoseok-hyung… what are you doing here?” I look over as the two walk in.

“Yoongi, there’s something you need to see.” Namjoon hands over a huge stack of papers.

“What’s this?”

“First, it’s your contract with the company. Your manager couldn’t get a hold of you so he gave it to Hoseok when he was in the studio earlier.”

Hoseok steps closer. “I looked it over to see why it was so important… and that’s when your manager pointed out the parts he highlighted.”

I flip through it until I come across a few highlighted sections.

“If under any circumstance the company is proved to be at fault for the injury of Min Yoongi, the contract is void and legal actions can be taken against the company.” I flip to the next section. “Min Yoongi is required by law to take personal and sick days off and the company is to be held responsible if this is not followed.”

“Yoongi, do you know what this  means?” Jimin smiles at me.

“Wait, the last one is my favorite.” Hoseok laughs.

I turn to the page.

“This contract is only valid if both parties sign. This contract is only valid for 5 years and after this day, January 19th, 2011, it is subject for revision with both parties present on or around January 19th, 2016. It does not have to be renewed if one or both parties object to signing. If any of this is not followed, legal actions are allowed to be taken to whatever extent the victim sees fair.”

“Yoongi, the contract expired more than a year ago. They’ve been lying to you the whole time.” Namjoon says what we are all thinking. “So, what next?”

“Down with those motherfucking bastards.”

The four of us order takeout and sit around deciding exactly what to do. As I look around, I’m glad I have more friends now. It’s more people to have my back and look out for me.

Thank you for reading part 7 of Robot. I’ll post the last few parts soon. I hope you’ve been enjoying it so far. There’s only three more parts after this one, so it’s getting close to being done.

[afangirlsplaylist]

Counsel Me (Day 4) - Rhett

Author: afangirlsplaylist

Rating: Explicit. This chapter is G.

Warnings: Depictions of minor violence, emotions and angst.

Chapter: 5/?

Word Count: 1,609

Summary: When Rhett and Link’s friendship hits a breaking point they turn to a therapist, who proposes a difficult idea. Very loosely prompted by THIS.

Read it on archiveofourown

He was a coward. It had only been four days yet he was already reduced to hiding out in a toilet stall, sitting on the seat fully clothed. Not only that but a toilet stall of a company building he co-owned, with his fingers hovering over his phone’s call button like a child. He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting there with Link’s number punched in, stubbornly fighting the temptation that was eating away at him so strongly, but he knew he wouldn’t last against it. 

The ringing sounded overly loud in his ears when he hit the button, his heart pumping hard along with it. In truth part of him still really wanted to hang up, determined to make it through the week without this. But the other half was stronger, waiting impatiently until Link picked up on the other end. 

He didn’t expect the silence that greeted him, with nothing but Link’s breathing and a few muffled voices letting him know anyone had even picked up.

“Link?” He tried, trying to keep a relieved sigh from escaping him when Link spoke. 

“I could see it was you.” Link answered quietly. “I probably shouldn’t have picked up.”

“I just…” Rhett swallowed, unable to form anything but stuttering noises.

“I know.” Link said, reading between the pauses. “Me too.”

They both sat and listened to each other’s breathing for a few stolen seconds, drinking up the cheap imitation of each other’s company. Rhett could hear the distant sound of children coming from Link’s end, and could easily imagine Link sitting as he was, hiding out in the bathroom with his phone to his ear and a hand to his forehead. He knew what that looked like because he’d seen it once before, minus the phone.

He’d had to leave not long after one of Link’s soccer games, promising to meet him at the school gate so they could go to his house for the usual play by play. But when he got there he’d seen no head of dark hair waiting for him, or any sign of Link at all, and none showed up. He’d tried the locker room, a couple of classrooms, and even their usual spot by the trees before he’d thought to try the bathroom, immediately hearing someone in there.

“Link?” Rhett called, following the noises he could hear towards a single cubicle. They sounded suspiciously like sniffles, killing his hesitancy immediately. 

He pushed the unlocked cubicle door open to find Link sitting with his knees raised up towards his chin, sobbing into his arms. He was still wearing his soccer shirt and high socks, although his shoes appeared to be free of mud. Usually, he would inwardly chuckle at how Link hated dirty things so much he’d taken the time to clean his shoes off first, but not this time. He stared in shock and was about to open his mouth to speak when he noticed something in the area of hip visible from where Link’s shirt had ridden up.

“What the fuck is this Link?” Rhett asked, his anger already rising as he spotted the dark patch of bruise hidden there.

“Nothing.” Link said quickly, wiping at his eyes and tugging his shirt down a little more firmly.

“Really?” Rhett said, raising an eyebrow and not believing a word of it. “That’s funny, I’ve still got a couple of nothings from basketball. What was this?“

“John Carson’s boot.” Link said bitterly, saying the name like it was something nasty sitting under his nose.

Rhett’s face was red with anger but softened as he held out a hand to help his friend up. "Why’d it happen?”

“I’m a big gay loser.” Link said sarcastically, moving to wash his hands and splash some water onto his face.

“I’m gunna kill him.” Rhett growled.

Link looked up at Rhett’s reflection behind him in the mirror, giving him a stern look. “No, you’re not.”

“You can’t just let him get away with -” 

“I could handle him you know.” Link cut in. “If he pissed me off enough or I wanted to tell someone about it.”

“Oh, I know.“ Rhett assured him, rolling up his sleeves ominously before washing his hands. “Doesn’t mean I’m not gonna get a punch in.”

He finished washing and shook his hands off quickly, heading out the door before he could be stopped. He got a few curious looks as rushed down the hallway, heading straight for the soccer pitch with Link following close behind.

“Carson!” Rhett yelled, gaining the attention of everyone as he stormed across the field towards his target.

John didn’t have the chance to turn the smirk rising up the corners of his mouth into words before Rhett got a fist into his gut, sinking it in hard. He watched in satisfaction as John doubled over, crouching in the mud.

"Don't touch him again." Rhett warned.

John snarled, recovering quickly although he still held a hand to his stomach. “Good thing your boyfriend is here defend you, huh?” He asked Link, rather unwisely.

The thinly veiled dig at Rhett was not lost on Link, and if anything it set fire to his rage more so than the further insinuation that he was weak. So before he could think he’d pulled his leg back and smacked it into John’s side, probably giving him a bruise to match his own.

He was already rearing back his leg for another shot when Rhett grabbed his arms, holding him back. He turned and gave Rhett a look that said quite clearly ‘let go of me now’ but Rhett just shook his head, shooting back a look that said 'you don’t want to get in trouble for this too.’

Link knew he was right as he noticed the looks on John’s friends’ faces. All of them seemed too intimated by Rhett’s giant frame to join the small fight, but the risk was there. He could also see a teacher walking up the other end of the field, not close enough yet to take in the scene but getting closer every second. So he let his breathing even out until Rhett could release his arms without fear.

“If you have any decency you’ll get up before she gets here and act like it didn’t happen.” Rhett spat, turning his attention back to John.

Grudgingly he seemed to agree because he stood up quickly and brushed himself off, giving time for the teacher to get out of their line of sight.

“From now on you can consider him a McLaughlin.” Rhett continued, pointing a finger towards Link. “You mess with him you mess with both of us.”

Link face glowed in delighted surprise, visibly full of love and admiration for the guy next to him even as they walked away. He waited until they were well out of earshot before he turned to his friend with a question on his lips. “Why?” 

"Why’d we start fighting Rhett?” The adult Link broke through the haze, and for just a second Rhett felt like he was still on the soccer field until he shook it off.

I have a theory Rhett thought, but that wasn’t what came out of his mouth. Instead, he just said. “I don’t know, man.”

"After this week we gotta stop." Link said seriously. "And this has gotta stop too if we're gonna do this properly."

Rhett didn't like the way Link's voice broke as he spoke, but he chose not to mention it. "You're right. Three days huh?"

"Three days brother." Link confirmed, sighing sadly.

Then, as if they'd both had timers running at both ends of the phone, Rhett heard a muffled cry of "Dad!" Coming from Link's end. At the same time he heard a soft rap at the door of the studio bathroom, almost making him jump.

“Gotta go.” They said in unison. 

He took a second to hitch what he hoped was a casual look onto his face before he opened the bathroom door, but knew he hadn't got away with the small cheat on the experiment when he saw Stevie waiting for him. There was no way she could’ve known what he’d been doing but she held out her hand anyway, waiting expectantly.

“You’re mean, boss.” He snarked, rolling his eyes and placing his phone in her hand.

She ignored the comment and put his phone in her pocket, placing a company burner phone in his hand instead.

“Remember this is for you guys.” She said sympathetically, closing his hand around the phone with hers before walking away.

“You know I have his number memorized right?!” He called after her, to which she waved her hand dismissively. Chase happened to be walking past in time to hear every word, mouthing the word ‘blocked’ as he passed.

Curious, Rhett tried to input his friend’s number into the phone, groaning when he found he wasn’t able to make outgoing calls to it. “Goddammit.” He swore under his breath.

Frustrated beyond belief he locked himself in his office and chained himself to his laptop for the rest of the day, considering a number of ideas that seemed really appealing in the moment. Firing certain members of the crew for instance, would feel satisfying, as did the thought of leaving and driving right over to Link’s house. He even tangled, for the fiftieth time that week, with the idea of sending out an email that cancelled the whole thing. But every time he did he could picture the annoyed expression on Link’s face, just as hurt as him but ever the completest. 

Three days was a hell of a long time. 

Notes: So sorry for the wait! and sorry if this wasn’t worth it :-S

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Stepping Up Again: Part 7

Pairings: Chibs x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, angst, teenage pregnancy, so much angst

Word Count: 3,059

A/N: This series is a continuation of Stepping Up! Read that first if you haven’t! Hold onto your pants, though because this is gunna be a wild ride! 

A/N 2: This is the part where y’al are gunna HATE ME!!!!

Stepping Up Masterlist        Aesthetic by @ravenangel33

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So what are we going to do about the housing situation?” You asked Chibs as the two of you stood outside the hospital to smoke a cigarette. He sighed as he sat down on the top part of the bench and shrugged.

“Well Kerrianne bought up possibly movin’ in wit’ Tim ta give us more room. We could move Kellan in ta ‘er room on our side’a the ‘ouse which leaves the oth’a two rooms open for them an’ the nursery.” You nodded slowly as you yawned around your cigarette. “Luv, ye need ta go ‘ome an’ get some bloody rest.”

“I’m fine.” You looked over at him with a small smile and blinked your tired eyes a few times. You couldn’t help but huff a laugh as you took a long drag of your smoke. “OK, so I’m fucking tired. Whatever.” He nodded as he pat the top part of the bench beside him and held out his arm to welcome you into his embrace.

“‘ow ‘bout ye go ‘ome an’ take a nap. I’ll stay ‘ere wit’ the babes for a few hours, aye?” You nodded as you sat down and leaned into his side, letting your exhaustion start to seep its way into your bones. You let your head fall onto his shoulder as he squeezed your arm.

“Jesus… what the fuck happened?” He shook his head slowly as he took the last drag of his cigarette and flicked it out toward the road.

“I wish I’d an answ’a for ye, luv. But we’re goin’ ta be jus’ fine no matta wha’, ye ‘ear?” You nodded against his shoulder and finished your cigarette as you putted out of his grip.

“Alright, I’m gunna go say bye to Kels before I head out. See if she needs anything from the house.” He nodded as you stretched your arms over your head and laughed at the small pops and cracks you got in response.

“Ye’r gettin’…”

“Shut up, Filip.” You said with a laugh as you pushed his arm. You shook your head and took his hand on your way back into the hospital. With every step you took, you realized just how tired you really were. “God, you know what sounds great right now? A dip in the hot tub.”

“Mmm an’ Kellan’s a school. We’d ‘ave the ‘ouse to ourselves…” You moaned as you headed down the hallway toward Kelsi’s room.

“When was the last time we had an empty house? Ten years ago? Fif…” You words were cut off as a nurse raced past you and turned into Kelsi’s room. Your feet stumbled as the sounds of people talking over each other finally grabbed your attention and you took off at a run. “Kels?”

“Stay ou’ there!” Kerrianne yelled at you at the same moment Chibs grabbed you around the middle to keep you in the hallway. You grabbed at his arms as your eyes focused on your baby girl, who was currently having a massive seizure and being held down to the bed by a couple nurses. You were too in shock to even move or make a sound. Your mouth simple opened and closed soundlessly as your tired mind tried to wrap around what was going on.

“Filip.” You finally said as they rolled Kelsi’s still body onto her back and started CPR. “Filip, fix this!” He shook his head and squeezed you tighter as his tears fell on your shoulder. You didn’t even notice your own tears falling as you dug your nails into his arms when they shocked your baby girl. As Kerrianne looked for a heartbeat, Jax, who had been with baby Megan, slid around the corner and nearly collided with you and Chibs.

“What?” You shook your head as you let go of your husband’s arm with one hand so you could grab one of Jax’s. The three of you stood and watched in horror as the hospital staff fought to bring Kelsi back.

“I love you, mommy.” Kelsi’s last words to you before you went out for a cigarette echoed in your head as Kerrianne took a step back with tears in her eyes. “I love you so much.”

“Time… Time’a death… 11:27.”

“No!”

——

Numb. It was the only thing you were currently capable of feeling as you laid on the hospital bed with Kelsi’s cold body in your arms. Tears flowed like a river into her blonde hair as you brushed your fingers through it to get out all the little tangles. Jax hadn’t lasted a moment before shattering a picture frame in the hall and storming off. Chibs had pleaded with his daughter to save his other baby girl before collapsing in the hall way where he still was, sobbing into his hands. You didn’t know how you managed to convince your feet to move but you knew you needed to get to your daughter.

You had instantly started singing when you laid down next to her as you pulled off the leads and the IV’s that were now completely unnecessary but your heart wasn’t in it. It couldn’t be because it was almost like it knew you would never see your baby girl’s face again; knew that you would never hear her laughter in the mornings as she got dressed for school. Your baby girl, who was just an innocent bystander ripped from the world before her time. Your heart finally heated up with rage as you realized just who’s fault this whole situation was. 

The fucking prospect; this was his fault. He was the one who knocked up your baby. He was the one who made your daughter run off. He was the asshole who got in the car accident that lead to your baby girl being in the hospital in the first place. It was his fucking fault Kelsi was dead.

“I want that fucking prick out of this fucking hospital.” You said loud enough that Chibs could hear you. “And he’s never going near that baby again.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had your arms wrapped around Kellan and Kerrianne’s shoulders tightly, as if they were going to disappear from your world if you didn’t as you stood amongst your SAMCRO family at Kelsi’s grave site a few plot spots down from Gemma and Thomas’s graves. Tears silently fell down your cheeks as you stared at your baby girl’s smiling face in the collage that Lyla and a couple of the croweaters had made for her memorial. Despite the fact that she had been gone for a whole week, you still felt that it wasn’t real.

“I can’t fucking believe he showed up here.” Happy growled behind you and beside Jax. Your, Jax and Chibs’ heads all whipped up and easily found Mike standing a few hundred yards away by a tree in all black. The rage you felt every time you even though his name boil in your veins as you glanced back at the Tacoma Killer.

“I want him dead. Painfully so.” Happy nodded his head once as you looked back at your daughter’s coffin and kissed your son’s head.

“Can I do it?” Kellan asked as you pretended to listen to the man who was saying a few words for your daughter’s service.

“No. Uncle Happy is gunna take care of that piece of shit.”

“Make ‘im suff’a.” Kerrianne said as she leaned her head on your shoulder and wiped at her tears. “Make ‘im pay for Kelsi.” You couldn’t even bring yourself to care that your children were actively planning murder in their heads and condoning murder as well, something that you usually would have put an end to immediately.

“I’ll take this one.” Jax said as they lowered his baby girl’s coffin into the ground. “I want his fucking blood on my hands.” You nodded your head as you turned around toward him and Chibs because you couldn’t bring yourself to see your daughter be buried.

“Make him pay, Jackson. Make him fucking pay for our baby.”

——

“Hi, sweet girl.” You said softly as you held two week old Megan to your partially bare chest in her NICU room two days after Kelsi’s funeral. You smiled at the tiny little girl in your arms as you rocked the two of you back and forth. “It’s mamaw. You are so beautiful, baby girl.” Megan let out a small, adorable cry as you brushed your pointer finger tip across the back her small head. “Shh… it’s OK, sweetheart. I got you.” You offered her your pointer finger and smiled with tears in your eyes as she grabbed it firmly.

“She’s lookin’ real good.” Kerrianne said as she checked monitors and glanced at Megan Kelsi Teller’s chart despite the fact that her niece wasn’t her patient. “No brain bleed, strong heartbeat but we’re still monitorin’ tha’ spot. She’s gettin’ enough oxygen. We’re gon’ redo the OAE test in a couple weeks ta check ‘er ‘earin’ again but Da’s right. She’s’a fight’a.” You nodded at your step-daughter as you brushed your thumb across across Megan’s fingers.

“She is.” You said solemnly as tears welled in your eyes. You swallowed them back and looked up at Kerrianne. “So what are we gunna do about feeding? I don’t like the idea of her on formula this young.”

“Well I was talkin’ ta ‘er doct’a t’day ‘bout tha’. We’ve a reserve of sorts from other women tha’ donate breastmilk… but there’s also the option’a tryin’ ta get ye ta induce as well.” You looked up at her with your eyebrows raised.

“Yea? Because nursing two kids through the night wasn’t enough, right?” Kerrianne blushed as she sat down on the chair just as Chibs came into the rom. You smirked and looked up at him. “So, how do you feel about my boobs growing again?” He looked at you with his eyebrow raised and hesitated in the door way as Kerrianne covered her face in embarrassment.

“Yer no’ gettin’ implants, m’luv.”

“An’ I’m done.” Kerrianne said as she got up to leave the room. “I’ll pick up Kellan from school on m’way ‘ome. Just let the doc know wha’ ye decide… an’ don’ tell me, please!” You giggled and nodded as your husband came in and took her chair.

“Breast feeding, baby.” You said as he sat down and immediately began pulling at the pink clothing cover he had on. “I don’t want Megs on formula this young…”

“Ahh…” He sighed as he sat back in his chair. “’s’yer call, m’luv. Ye know I’m in luv wit’ yer tits when they’re all full an’ swollen…”

“Filip…” You warned as you looked at him through your lashes.

“I’m jus’ sayin’ luv. Layin’ the facts down on the table.” You rolled your eyes at him as you looked back down at Megan. “She would’a wanted it tha’ way.” You nodded your head at him but kept your eyes on your granddaughter.

“I know she would…” You looked up quickly as a tear fell from your eye and sighed. “I hate this.”

“I know, luv. I do too.” You forced yourself to try and stay calm so you didn’t upset Megan as you looked back at Chibs.

“They wanted to know if we planned on adopting Megan as our daughter or just being legal guardians as grandparents. Something about her birth certificate.” Chibs sighed as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Shit… I’ve no idea, lass.” You sighed and looked down at Megan.

“If we don’t and we can’t find that little fucking tool, he can come for her…”

“We’ll adopt.” Chibs instantly growled. “He’s no’ goin’ near tha’ child.” You nodded your head in agreement as you ‘shh’ed’ him softly.

“Stay calm, my love. We’ll adopt. She can call us mom an’ da… but she will always know the truth about Kelsi.” He nodded his head and glanced up as the doctor came in to check on Megan to see if her ‘kangaroo care’ was helping the way she hoped. “Make ‘er tits, bigga. I approve.” He laughed as he got up from his chair.

“Filip, I swear to God.” You mumbled as you brushed your hand over Megan’s back. Your husband chuckled as he kissed your forehead and headed toward the door.

“She wan’s big tits. ‘uge tits!” You sighed and rolled your eyes as Megan’s doctor just laughed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Kellan, it’s time for bed.” You said as you strolled into your son’s room, grabbing articles of clothing to toss in the hamper with each step. You sighed as you glanced up at your child, who was ignoring you. “Hey! What did I say?”

“Just one more video, mom.” Your head whipped up at the sound of tears in his voice and your brow furrowed.

“What are you watching, honey?” You walked over to his bed and dropped the handful of clothes in his over flowing hamper on the way. Your son tilted his iPad toward you and pulled out the cord for his headphones. You tripped over nothing and caught yourself on the edge of his bed as Kelsi’s laugh filled the room.

“It’s her vlog.” He said softly as you took his tablet from him.

“Is that the shit she was always recording?” You asked as you laid down beside him and watched your daughter talking to her phone in your hot tub.

“Yea. She posted them on YouTube all the time. I never used to follow her…” You glanced over at your son as the video came to an end and nodded as you passed him back his tablet.

“Text me the link so I can show your dad. And don’t stay up too late, OK?” He nodded his head as he laid back down in his bed and started the next video. As quickly as you could, you grabbed your son’s laundry so he wouldn’t see you cry. You somehow managed to make it to the laundry room off the kitchen before you burst into tears and nearly collapsed on the floor. Sobs wracked your body as you curled into yourself in front of the dryer.

“Why?” You sobbed as you shook your head against the tile. “She’s just a baby.”

“Luv?” You forced yourself to roll onto your back and you could see your husband’s heart shatter in his brown eyes. “Fuck… I know m’luv. ’s’ok…”

“No…” You sobbed as you shook your head. He nodded at you as he came over and picked you up off the floor. You wrapped your arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder, letting yourself really feel the loss of your daughter for the first time. As he laid you both down on your bed, you felt his own tears fall on your jaw as he shifted over you to find a comfortable spot.

“I want her back!” You sobbed as you fisted his shirt and kutte in your fists.

“I know, sweet’eart. Me too.” You nodded against his chest as he wrapped you in his arms and held you as tight as he could. You sobbed for hours, begging, screaming at, and pleading with God for him to bring Kelsi back. Your heart and soul ached as Chibs clung to you, trying to hold both of you together as best as he could as he let his own feelings finally come to the surface as well in the privacy of your bedroom.

“My baby…” You rasped repeatedly until you finally cried yourself to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stood in the NICU, staring at three and a half month old Megan as she wiggled and cooed like the happiest baby in the world. You couldn’t help but notice the similarity between her and her mother and no matter how much it broke your heart, some how the little girl in the crib in front of you was putting it back together one obliterated piece at a time. But you knew without a shadow of a doubt in your mind that something was wrong with Megan. And in this situation, you hated that you were right.

“She’s complete ‘earin’ loss in ‘er left ear.” Kerrianne said somberly with tears in her eyes. “Bu’ the good news is she’s only moderate loss in ‘er right. So tha’s somethin’.”

“Jesus Christ.” Chibs mumbled as he sat back in his chair.

“So she’s deaf?” Kellan asked curiously.

“Yea buddy, in one ear, she is.” You said as you picked up Megan from the crib with a smile. “But no matter what she is our family and she is still perfect just the way she is, right?” Your son nodded as you laid Megan on your chest so that her right ear was closer to your mouth so she’d be able to hear you better. “Aren’t you, sweet thing?”

“But… if she can’t hear you, why talk to her?” You looked up at your son with a smile.

“She can ‘ear a lit’l bit out’a ‘er right ear, bud.” Kerrianne said as she sat down next to her brother. “But she can still feel the vibrations in mum’s chest when she speaks… an’ she can see yer facial expressions if ye talk ta ‘er.” Your daughter smiled at Kellan and grabbed his hand. “But mum’s right. She’s still perfect, aye?”

“Aye.” He said in agreement as he looked up at Megan. “Can… can I hold her before we go home?” Your smile grew as you took a step over to him.

“Be gentle.” Chibs said as he sat up a little protectively. You gave him a quick glance to shut him up as you helped guide your granddaughter to Kellan’s chest. You crouched down in front of him and hummed a laugh at how awkward he looked as Kerrianne took a photo for you. 

“She is perfect.” He said softly as he let Megan hold onto his finger. You could see the wheels turning in his head as he moved his head to look at her left ear. He looked back at her right ear and nodded the slightest bit. “OK. We can go now.” You nodded your head as you carefully took Megan back as Chibs grabbed the carseat for you.

“Le’s get our girl ‘ome.” You looked up at him with tears in your eyes and a plethora of emotions in your heart.

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Half Blood, Whole Heart: Part 9

Pairings: Jax x Reader, sister Winchester!reader- SOA/SPN Crossover

Warnings: Swearing, fluff. angst…. lots of angst.

Word Count: 3,487

A/N: So I decided to repost my novel- the story that someone stole from my old blog and put up on Wattpad. PLEASE don’t be an asshole and steal my stories. It CRUSHED me when it happened and almost ran me off Tumblr.

Half Blood, Whole Heart Masterlist    Aesthetic by @ravenangel33​

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~ LATE MAY 2008~~~~~

“No, this isn’t right.” You growled as you tried to maneuver pillows and blankets around you to get comfortable at nearly 8 months pregnant. You were hot and tired and under normal circumstances, you were perfectly capable of falling asleep on Jax this far along… but he was away on club business for a few days and left you with the new prospect.

“What can I do?” The guy they dubbed Half-Sack asked as he did his best on ‘baby watch’ to make you as comfortable as possible in your husband’s absence. You scowled and threw a pillow at him.

“Just… fuck! Get me Jax!” You groaned as you rolled over in the queen sized bed that felt way too big for only you. “Fuck this. Just help me up.” Half-Sack ran around to the other side of the bed, grabbed your hands and pulled. When you were up right, you groaned and heaved yourself off the bed. “When are they getting back?” You asked as you walked past the prospect toward the living room angrily.

“I-I think today.” You flopped down on the leather couch in the living room and immediately regretted it as the leather stuck to your skin but couldn’t force yourself to get up.

“I know you have a smoke and if you give me one and don’t tell Jax, I will put in a great word for you.” Sack looked at you hesitantly and you scowled. “Don’t give me the speech; one cigarette won’t hurt.” A knock at the door saved him from having to make a choice and he dashed off to get it before you could chew him out. You hadn’t been this cranky at all your entire pregnancy but on two days of no sleep and your son trying to karate kick his way out of your belly button; you hated everyone and everything.

“Umm… there are some guys here to see you. Looks like cops.” Sack said as he stepped back into the living room. You groaned and pushed yourself off the couch.

“They better pray they aren’t.” You grumbled as you walked toward the door. You made it three steps before you froze and a wave of relief washed over you. “Oh, there is a God.”

“Well hello baby.” Dean said as he stepped into the house in his fed suit and looked at your giant stomach. “Who’s the new guy?”

“MC Prospect. You can head out, Sack. They got it from here.” The kid looked at you nervously and shook his head.

“Jax told me…” You nodded and glared at him.

“And I’m telling you can go. I’ll give you an A+ on your report card. Now get out of my house.” He grabbed his keys off the table and dashed past your brothers and Sam looked at you curiously.

“What’s all that about?” You sighed.

“Jax is out of town so kids’ been on ‘baby duty’ until he gets back. I am so glad you are both here though because one of you just became my new body pillow!”

“Whoa! I did not agree to this!” Dean said as you grabbed his hand and headed toward the bedroom.

“Don’t care. You two need to explain how you found me and what you are doing here and I haven’t slept in two days without Jax. Two birds, one stone. Plus, I’m your baby sister and you love me.” You turned around and looked at your brother pleadingly with the biggest puppy eyes you could muster and Dean sighed.

“Alright, fine. Awkward, but fine.” You sighed gratefully as you climbed on the bed with Dean reluctantly right behind you. Sam chuckled and went to grab a chair from the living room.

“So, how did you find me?” You asked as you wiggled around to find the most comfortable position to get even a couple hours of sleep in. Dean chuckled.

“I had Bobby put a GPS on dad’s truck before he gave it to you just in case.” You shook your head against Dean’s chest as Sam came back and sat by the bed to talk.

“You guys are assholes.” You said as you found a comfortable position to be in for the first time in days.

“OK. WHY are you here?” Sam glanced up at Dean before looking back at you.

“We… well, we need your help.” You snorted and pointed at your stomach.

“Yea… that’s not happening for another couple months.”

“Yea, I can see that… Why didn’t you call and tell us?” Dean asked. You stayed silent for a moment as you looked at your brother and sighed.

“I didn’t know what to say after dad… Then this happened and… It’s not like I didn’t want to. But a week after I found out, some fed found me at the lot during an ATF raid and threatened to throw Jax in the hole so I would tell him where you were…”

“Wait, what fed? Henrikson?” Sam inquired and you nodded.

“He had my Arkansas mugshot and punched me in the stomach. We have had ATF down our throats ever since and I figured calling you guys was just asking for trouble.”

“Well Henrikson is dead. Lilith did him in before Sam got to Lilith.” You glanced up at your brother in confusion.

“Who the fuck is Lilith?”

“First demon Lucifer made. She’s dead now but… well that’s why we are here.” You looked at Sam and your stomach turned.

“What did you two idiots just bring to my fucking front door?” You demanded as you pushed yourself into a seated position and put your hands over your stomach protectively. Sam looked down and Dean sighed.

“Lucifer is out of his cage.”

——

“So you’re telling me Lucifer, THE Lucifer is not only out of his cage but roaming about the country like it’s a fucking STREET FAIR!” You screamed as you looked back and forth between your brothers in your living room. “AND, not only that, but Dean spent four months in hell and no one bothered to let ME know that he was even dead, Sam has a demon blood addiction that’s currently under control KINDA and we have a half brother that dad didn’t tell us about… am I forgetting anything?” You snapped rhetorically.

“We’re supposed to be vessels…” Dean chimed in. You grabbed a pillow; the closest thing to you and chucked it at his head. He ducked and it sent a vase careening to the floor.

“You two are bigger fucking idiots than I thought. And how dare you…” Your shouting was cut off as Jax slammed open the front door with his gun drawn in his left hand and his right holding his left shoulder.

“What the fuck is going on?” He demanded.

“Put the fucking gun down Jax… you leave me again when I’m fucking pregnant and I will sick these two knuckleheads on your ass if fucking Lucifer doesn’t get them first.” You said as you jabbed your finger towards your brothers. Jax, who couldn’t see the two visitors looked completely lost as he kicked the front door closed.

“Me? Why the fuck are you yelling at me for?! I told you I was going out of town. I left the Prospect here to help you and then I get a phone call that two cops show up and you booted him out. So tell me what the fuck is going on.”

“It’s fucking Sam and Dean!” You said as you shoved yourself off the couch with a scowl. “I can handle my own, Jackson. I didn’t need that kid up my ass the last two days.” He set his gun down on the table by the door and stormed into the living room with only a glance at your brothers who looked a little frightened of your screaming match.

“I know you can handle yourself but I’m not leaving my pregnant wife alone when we are dealing with some huge shit…”

“Oooo. Big bad biker men are gunna come after me! You know what, I fucking dare them to tango with my ass right now. I’m so emotional I’ll strangle them with my fucking bare hands! And you did leave me alone, asshole!” You snapped as you went to storm past him and you finally noticed the blood on his right hand. You instantly softened and stopped in front of him. “Jax… baby, what did you do?” You reached up and gently moved his hand.

“Long story but I got shot.” You glanced up at him and sighed.

“De, bring me the first aid kit from the Impala.” You said gently as you pointed toward the hall to the bathroom. The three men hesitated at your 180 in attitude and it took a simple look at your brother before they moved. Within a few minutes, you were kneeling on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet between your husband’s knees digging a bullet out of his shoulder as your brothers made themselves at home in the living room.

“I’m sorry.” You said as you dropped the bullet on the floor and grabbed the needle to stitch up his shoulder. “I’m just…”

“Pregnant, hormonal, tired and still fucking gorgeous.” You looked up at him with tears in your eyes and he gave you a chaste kiss and leaned his forehead against yours. “I won’t leave again like that again, I promise.” You nodded and sat back to finish what you were doing.

“I can’t sleep without you right now and it’s been miserable.” You said as you stitched as quickly as you could and he gripped your hip and grit his teeth against the pain. You nodded and soothed him as best as you could as you tied off the last suture. “Last bit.” You told him as you grabbed and showed him the whiskey bottle and he nodded as you poured the amber liquid on his wound.

“How… shit that sucks… how did you learn how to do this?” He asked as you grabbed clean gauze and taped him up.

“Dad. He learned in the Marines and he taught us when we were kids. You get beat to shit almost daily as a hunter and it’s kinda hard to make up stories that are believable when hospital staff ask why you have werewolf gashes across your back or a dozen different knife wounds in various stages of healing.” You sat back on your heels and shrugged your shoulders. “I learned to stitch before I learned how to ride a bike. That’s ‘normal’ in our family.” He shook his head and rested his bloody hands on your stomach.

“Well, right now I appreciate not having to go to the hospital for the night.” He leaned forward and gave you a kiss and all the stress and anger you felt the past two days melted away. He pulled back an inch, cupped your cheek gently and brushed his thumb across your cheek. “Hi babe. I missed you.” You smiled and huffed.

“I missed you.” You put your hand over his on your stomach and moved them both to the spot Thomas had been kicking an hour before. “So did he; been kicking up a storm since yesterday.”

“Seems pretty still right now.” He said as he sat back and focused on your stomach. You smirked.

“In my book that’s a little miracle at the moment. Just poke at him, he’ll kick back.” Jax shook his head and looked up at you with a smile.

“Nah. I’ll give mama a break.”

“Well thank you for that… but you gotta help me up. My knees are killing me and I gotta deal with the shit show that just got dropped on our door step.”

“What happened now?” Jax asked as he stood up and pulled you too your feet. You groaned and stretched a little as you toed the first aid kit closed.

“Long story. Dean died again, Sam was dating a demon sort of and Lucifer is out of his cage.” You pulled off your blood splattered t-shirt and tossed it in the corner as Jax picked up the first aid kit.

“Is that like a dog or something?” He asked and you shook your head as you kicked off your sweatpants and grabbed a tank top and a pair of his boxers.

“Oh no, THE Lucifer. Like the devil himself.” Jax looked at you questioningly as you sat on the bed and he helped you put on his boxers.

“How in the hell…”

“Yes, that’s what I’ve been wondering as well.” You spun around on the bed toward the unfamiliar British voice and a man you had never seen before smirked at you. “Hello darling.”

“Sam!” You screeched as you tried to scramble off the bed. Jax lunged toward the intruder who disappeared in the blink of an eye.

“You know that’s not very polite, darling. I’m simply here to help.” The man said from directly behind you as Sam and Dean stormed into your bedroom with guns drawn. Jax grabbed your arm and ripped you away from the stranger.

“Get out of my house!” Jax screamed.

“Whoa!” Dean shouted as he lowered his gun and raised his hands. You grabbed your husband’s arm and backed up against the closet door as you stared at the still smirking man. “Dude! You cannot just show up here!” Dean said to the man.

“Who is this guy?” Jax shouted and you looked around his body.

“Better question is, what?” You said as you looked him over. He had on a crisp black suit and held a glass of what you assumed was liquor in his hand.

“My apologies, love; where are my manners. Name’s Crowley, darling. Former King of the Crossroads, present King of Hell.” You gasped as his eyes turned blood red for a second before returning to brown.

“Get him out of my house.” You demanded as you ducked back around Jax and glared over at Sam.

“I am simply here…” You grabbed a metal statue that Gemma had bought you off the windowsill and chucked it across the room, catching Crowley off guard; it hit him square in the face. The next thing you knew you were pinned six inches off the floor against the far wall of the bedroom by the head of the bed. You struggled against an invisible force as Crowley appeared directly in front of you. “Now… if you weren’t with child, I would filet the skin off your bones for a stunt like that; however, since you are, I will forgive this little outburst. I should expect nothing left from a Winchester.” He spat.

“Crowley, put her down!” Dean demanded and you looked up. He appeared to be frozen in place; poised as if he was trying to run to you. With a flick of Crowley’s wrist, you fell to the floor and he was back across the room.

“Get out!” Jax shouted as he rushed in front of you and glared at the three men. “I don’t care what you have to fight. I don’t give a shit what you think you need from (Y/N), I want you out of my house and out of fucking Charming. Do not come near my wife or my son again.”

“You can’t make that call!” Dean shouted and you nodded as you pulled yourself upright with Jax’s arm.

“Sorry but he just did. I don’t know what you two have stepped in to but after that bullshit…” You said as you pointed at Crowley. “… I can tell you, without a shadow of doubt in my mind, that I want no fucking part of it. I’m out. I have a family that I need to look out for. This is not my fight and I will not be dragged into your stupidity.” Your brothers stared at you completely lost for words as you clung to Jax for protection.

“Well then. I will find you boys later.” Crowley said before he vanished. You paused for a moment to see if he would return before you stepped out from behind your husband.

“I want dad’s journal now. I know he has those protection symbols in there.”

“(Y/N)…”

“Now, Sam.” You demanded, interrupting your brother. He looked over at Dean who shook his head and pulled the leather journal from his inside jacket pocket and tossed it on your bed.

“You’re unbelievable.” He spat before turning and storming out of your room. You looked at Sam and shook your head as tears welled in your eyes.

“How could you bring this to me, Sam?”

“(Y/N) this is big. The apocalypse is coming; end of the world. We figured we would come and try to get you to help. If I had known you were pregnant I never would have come here.”

“Well you just put a target on my family’s back by doing so because my guess is, if Lucifer thinks you’re his vessel you’re being monitored by demons. And if they didn’t know you had a sister; a weakness, they do now.” He sighed and shook his head as you walked to the bed and grabbed your dad’s journal.

“Do you trust me?” He asked. You looked up from the book and your brow furrowed.

“Of course I trust you but that doesn’t mean…” He shook his head and held up his hand to stop you.

“We have an angel on our side; Cas. Can I call him and have him do the warding. That way at least we all can feel a little better knowing that you’re safe here. Nothing will be able to get to you.” You looked over at Jax for a moment to gauge his reaction and sighed.

“Yea, fine.” He nodded and pulled out his phone as Jax walked up to you and put his hands on your arms.

“Are you OK, babe?” You nodded as Sam gave someone your address and the sound of wings filled your bedroom for a second.

“I’m here now.” A deep voice said. You looked over at the new man who appeared in your room and instinctively stood up behind Jax. The man looked over at you with a furrowed brow and adjusted the tan trench coat he wore as he hung up the phone. “There is no need to fear me, (Y/N). I am here to help.”

“We just want them warded.” Sam told him. Cas nodded and raised his hand. A bright white light emitted from his palm and you closed your eyes and looked away.

“This may hurt a little.” Cas said directly in front of you and you turned and looked at him as he laid a hand on both your and Jax’s chest. You suddenly felt a blast of warmth and a punch to your chest and you stumbled back slightly and gripped your husbands arm. “The child.” Cas said as he reached for your stomach and you quickly side stepped out of his reach.

“Hey, it’s OK!” Sam said as he moved to where you could see him. “It’s Enochian warding. It’s a signal that is carved into your ribs preventing all angels from being able to find you.”

“It won’t harm Thomas.” Cas said. You glanced up at Jax who shrugged before looking back at Cas. With a small nod, you stepped back into Cas’ reach and he laid his hands on your stomach. You grabbed Jax’s arm as you felt the same warm heat before your son jerked in your stomach. Cas kept his hands where they were a moment longer before he pulled back and looked at you with an emotionless expression. “He is to do great things in this world.” He said. With a look over his shoulder at Sam, he nodded before he disappeared with the sound of wings.

“You guys are all set.” Sam said as he turned to head out the door. You called out his name and he turned around to look at you as you walked over to him.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could help but I can’t.” He nodded as you grabbed the first aid kit and the journal and handed them to him.

“I’m sorry we didn’t call sooner.” He replied as he pulled you in for a hug. “I’m happy for you.”

“Be careful, Sam. We’ve lost dad, I don’t want to lose you or Dean, too.” He nodded and kissed the top of your head before pulling away.

“I love you, sis. Don’t ever forget that.”

“I love you too, Sammy.” Sam looked up at Jax and gave a quick nod before heading out. You stood frozen in place as you watched him leave and when the front door closed behind him, Jax pulled you in for a hug as your tears began to fall.

Part 10

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Taking The Shot: Part 1

Pairings: Negan x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff, typical Walking Dead stuff

Word Count: 6,363

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You heard the distant whine of the metal gate that surrounded the power plant and you smiled slightly. You leaned forward a bit on the thick tree branch you were sitting on to look at the moon’s position in the sky as you picked up your sniper rifle up off your legs. 

“Right on time.” You said softly to yourself as you held the gun to your shoulder, taking only a moment to locate the man in the scope, like you had every night for the last two weeks. The flash of the Bic lighter made him easier to locate and you grinned as the man’s features came into focus. If you had to take a guess, you would say he was in his mid-40’s give or take. That call was hard to make since his hair was mostly brown, with a little grey but his beard was the exact opposite. Through your scope at roughly 500 yards, you couldn’t see much detail in his face but he looked kind and peaceful; he always had a smile on his face at least. Despite that though, you didn’t trust him; how could you. It was the damn apocalypse.

Movement behind the man caught your eye and you shifted your scope slightly. Roughly 100 yards behind the man was a walker slowly making its way toward the man. You raised your head slightly to see the scene with your own eyes, waiting patiently to see if this man would hear it so you wouldn’t have to step in and blow your cover. This community had been very helpful for you without them even realizing it; their garbage scraps alone had been keeping you fed for the two weeks you had been camping out and you didn’t want to blow it. You leaned forward on the thick branch, wrapping your legs around it to hold you in place and laid the legs of your rifle stand on the wood.

With your rifle trained on the animated corpse, your eyes flicked back and forth between the walker and the man and the closer the dead one got, the more anxious you got. At 30 yards out, you caved. With a heavy sigh you grabbed the laser pointer that you had connected to the scope and pointed it directly at the man. You watched him lurch back immediately as your laser landed on his chest. 

Before he could react you moved the red line away from him to the walker that was slowly getting closer. You turned off the light when he turned around and settled in behind your rifle. The world around you ceased to exist as you took a deep breath and rested your cheek on the black, worn cheek piece. The man didn’t even have time to draw his weapon before you exhaled and pulled the trigger.

“Clean kill.” You said with a sigh as the body dropped to the ground. You raised your head slowly; mad at yourself for blowing your hiding spot and you put your laser pointer away. You took your duffle off your shoulder and laid it across a branch to your right quickly as the man stormed toward you. You threw the make shift strap you had made for your rifle over your shoulder and climbed down from your tree. You watched the man, who was about half way to you, falter slightly when your feet hit the ground and you started walking towards him.

“I don’t want trouble; just figured you didn’t want to die tonight.” You said when you were about 50 feet away.

“And who the fucking fuck are you?” The man nearly shouted as he pointed a baseball bat at you. You froze in your spot when you saw the barbed wire wrapped around it and you cursed yourself for not noticing that before. ‘Way to go, (Y/N).’ You threw your hands in the air and shook your head.

“I’m sorry! I was just passing through to head south for the winter. I didn’t mean…” you couldn’t finish your sentence as a sudden sob choked your words and you cowered under the gaze of the man you had developed sort of a crush on.

“Who sent you?” The man demanded as he stopped in front of you. You shook your head as tears poured down your cheeks.

“No one, I swear!” you pleaded, trying to force yourself to keep your eyes on him despite how scared you were. “I swear, I didn’t mean… I wasn’t trying to hurt you!” The man’s eyes raked over you hungrily as you babbled. “Look, I’ll just move on. I’ll leave right now and never look back. Just please sir, don’t hurt me; I don’t want to die.”

“How many of you pricks are there?” The man asked as his eyes danced along the tree line around you and you looked at him slightly confused.

“Huh? I’m on my own. Been on my own since this started.” You watched his eyes fall back on you as a sneer formed on his lips.

“You made it all this fucking time on your own?” He asked incredulously and you slowly nodded. You involuntarily cringed as he chuckled sinisterly and swung the bat over his shoulder.

“Well today is your lucky fucking day, sweetheart.” He said as he leaned back and jabbed his finger at you. “You just found yourself a new fucking home.” You looked up at him confused as your crying stopped.

“You don’t have to do that. I can just go.” The man laughed and shook his head.

“No can do, darlin’. That shot you just made.” He said as he swung his bat toward where he had been standing a few minutes previous. “That was one God- damn- BEAUTIFUL shot.” He swung the bat back toward you and you jumped back once more to get away from it. “And that makes you fucking valuable.” He said as he jabbed the bat at you to make his point before he swung it back over his shoulder. 

“So you got two fucking options. You either get your fucking sweet ass walkin’ toward the fucking Sanctuary OR I take my fucking gun from you and you get to dance with Lucille here.” He said as he gestured to the bat. He shook his head as he leered back at you. “And sweetheart, I really don’t wanna hurt a pretty face like yours.” He stood there for a moment with his eye brow cocked as he waited for your answer.

“If I stay, can I keep my gun?” You asked softly and the man laughed.

“Hate to fucking break it to ya but that ain’t your fucking gun no more. All of your shit is mine; however, you will be employed by me and you will be using MY gun when I need you too.” Your stomach dropped as your mind began to slowly wrap around the fact that your options were either agree or die.

“I’m not gunna be like raped or tortured or nothing… right?” You asked hesitantly. The man laughed, his voice echoing into the trees as he looked at you.

“No one’s gunna fucking touch you. Shit, I’ll even make you one of my wives to guarantee it.” He said as he swung Lucille toward you once more. You cringed at the idea and swallowed.

“Fine.” You said, as your stomach turned. You heard a tree branch break off to your right and you turned toward the sound. Your fight instincts took over when you saw the small group of walkers step out of the tree line and you grabbed your gun from your shoulder as you settled on one knee on the ground. You found the group instantly and with three calculated shots you took them out silently, thanks to the silencer you had on the end of the barrel. The man laughed as the third corpse hit the ground.

“Oh MAN does that make my dick hard!” He said and you blushed as you stood to face him once more. He gestured toward you to follow him and you took a step back.

“I have… umm I need to get my bag.” You said as you threw your thumb over your shoulder towards the trees. You watched his eyebrow rise as you tossed your rifle back over your shoulder. “Bullets… some food and clothes.”

“The fuck are you waiting for, a fucking formal invitation?” he snapped and you jumped, turned on your heel and ran toward the tree you had been hiding in. As you climbed back up carefully, you cursed yourself for being so stupid. You had been alone for nearly the entire apocalypse, shy maybe 2 months when a small group took you in before leaving you for dead on an old plantation in Georgia, and you had been doing just fine. Now you found yourself at the mercy of a mad man.

As you slung your duffle over your shoulder, you looked around the trees, trying to see if you could possibly escape by jumping from limb to limb. As you prepared yourself to jump the man began to whistle below you menacingly and you heard the distinct cock of a hand gun between the two-tone melody.

“Don’t even fucking think about it.” The man growled below you. You glanced down toward the ground to see him staring up at you, watching your every move. You unwillingly forced yourself out of the tree while you fought to keep your breathing steady. “That’s a girl.” The man cooed as you dropped the last 15 feet to the ground. He swung his arm over your shoulder and guided you back toward the buildings. “So what’s your name, new wife?”

“(Y/N).” you kept your eyes on the ground as you walked, trying to conceal any tears that escaped as you tried to wrap your head around your acceptance of your new fate.

“(Y/N). Now that is a fucking beautiful name, princess.” The two of you walked in silence for a while before you cleared your throat.

“And you are?” You asked as the gate opened before you. The man looked down at you as he waited for his men to move faster.

“I’m Negan.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.*

The pounding on a door near you threw you from your sleep and you panicked as the door swung open. A woman with short black hair and white ends walked in and eyed you as she tossed a pile of clothes toward you.

“Boss wants to see you now.” She demanded as she walked out the door, slamming it closed behind her. You looked at the clothes quickly before jumping out of bed. After your run in with the man last night you didn’t want to piss any of these people off. You quickly changed and ran a broken comb through your hair before wrapping it in a bun and using a pair of chop sticks you had found a while back to hold it out of your eyes. You kicked your old clothes into a corner and pulled your boots on before walking out the door to meet the woman who had just come to retrieve you.

You wanted to ask questions as your eyes searched the compound in the early morning light but refrained out of terror. If it were even possible, the placed seemed a lot bigger on the inside than it did on the outside. As you followed the woman outside, you had to force your feet to keep moving when your eyes fell on about 20 walkers that were chained to the fence and other heavy objects in front of you.

“There’s my new wife!” Negan shouted from below you, causing you to rip your eyes off the moving dead decor as you followed the woman down a flight of stairs. “Boys, you will never fucking believe how I found this fine piece of ass right- fucking- here.” he said as he walked over to you and draped his arm over your shoulders. You saw his bat wave in front of your face and you fought to keep the fear out of your eyes and maintain a look of indifference.

“So I’m fucking standing outside the fence like I fucking do EVERY Goddamn night after I get my dick wet, smoking a cigarette, minding my own fucking business; when I see a motherfucking red dot land on my chest.” He drops his arm and starts to walk around as he talks, using his arms, body and that horrible bat of his to tell his story elaborately. “Now, I have to fucking ask myself, ‘Who the fuck is this God damn stupid as to shine their fucking scope light on ME!’” He shouts and you cringe slightly away from the sound.

“Moment later, the light moves to side and lands on a fucking dead prick. I don’t even have time to turn all the way the fuck around before the fucker drops fucking dead without a motherfucking sound.” He spins around with a smile and points at you with Lucille. “This bitch took his fucking ass out at a quarter mile and I didn’t even fucking see her.” You blushed slightly as the men around you started to murmur and you took a slight step back self-consciously. Negan walked over to you and tilted his head. “Now tell me, princess. Where did you learn to shoot like that?” He asked his voice sickeningly sweet. You looked into his gorgeous brown eyes and gasped slightly when you got your first real look at how handsome of a man he was and you looked down to the ground as you nervously twisted your fingers.

“M-my older brother was a gunny for the army before this. He taught me.” You said softly. You saw Negan’s hand reach forward and he lifted your chin. His smiled softened when you met his eyes.

“Don’t worry, princess. I won’t hurt you.” He said to only you; his voice soft and caring as he ran his thumb across your jaw. You shivered slightly at the touch. 

“Farthest shot?” he asked, his voice raised once more so the rest of the men and the woman around you could hear.

“Ummm… right around half a mile, I think. Maybe a little more but not much.” Negan whistled as he bent back and shook his head.

“God damn- half fucking mile! Now I gotta fucking see this shit.” He said as he stood up straight and gestured for you to follow. “Load up!” You followed after him briskly as the men that were standing around you moments before darted toward a couple trucks that were waiting by the gate you had come into. You could see a man with a handle bar mustache standing by one of them and he held the strap of your rifle in his hand. “Give it to her, Simon.” Negan said as he opened the door to the truck. Simon thrust his arm out and handed you your baby. You nodded to him in thanks as Negan gestured you into the truck.

“Thank you, sir.” You said softly with a small smile as you got in; putting your gun between your legs on the floor.

“Manners, too. Ain’t this my lucky fucking day?” Negan questioned rhetorically as he closed the door behind you. You looked over your gun; scraping some dried mud off the barrel with your thumb nail before checking the magazine to see how many rounds you had left in it. You were thoroughly surprised to see it fully loaded. With a small shrug, you loaded the magazine back into place as the driver side door opened. “Don’t go fucking shootin’ me now.” Negan said as he got into the truck, dropping Lucille on the seat next to him and you shook your head.

“You haven’t given me a reason to.” You told him quietly as you put the gun back on the floor before turning to look out the window. Negan chuckled as he started the truck and drove away from the compound. You sat in silence as he drove down the road, looking for something and no matter how hard you tried not to, you couldn’t help yourself from glancing over at him every so often. After about twenty minutes he slowed to a stop before turning to you.

“Let’s fucking see what you got, sweetheart.” He said as he pointed up the road to a walker that was standing less than a mile up the road. Without a word you got out of the truck, walked around to the front and you stood there for a moment to get your bearings. “Well?” Negan demanded roughly and you turned and looked at him.

“Please give me a moment and I will show you.” You said gently before turning back around. You quickly scanned the path of the road and took note of the lack of wind in the trees and tall grass and the direction the walker was ambling. You took a couple steps to your left and squatted down to lay on the warm pavement. You set yourself up quickly, knowing this man was impatient; you didn’t want to find out what a barbed wire baseball bat felt like as it cracked through your skull.

You found the walker in your scope instantly and smiled to yourself before letting out a slight whistle. The sound took a second to reach the walker and when it did, he turned to you and gave you a perfect shot. You exhaled and pulled the trigger; bracing for the recoil and you nodded to yourself when the walker fell from your scope.

“Clean kill.”

“Did you pricks fucking see that shit?!” Negan shouted behind you and you jumped slightly at the sudden sound. “My fucking wife is a beast with that fucking thing.” You stood up from the ground and picked up your rifle and turned to hand it to him. “No, you fucking earned that shit, baby girl.” He said as he waved the gun back to you. “Let’s go!” He shouted to his men, who you hadn’t realized had gathered to watch you. You started to head back over to the passenger side when Negan grabbed your free hand and spun you to him.

“Sexy as fuck and a fucking killer shot; I like you sweetheart.” He growled as he held your hips to his. You don’t know what possessed you to do it but you stood on your tiptoes quickly and kissed him gently on the lips.

“You should see what else I’m capable of.” You said softly before you slipped out of his hands. You walked over to the passenger side with a small smile and you couldn’t help yourself but to turn around and glance back at him.

“Ooohoo, princess… You don’t even fucking know the beast you just woke up.” He growled as he eyed you with lust and greed. You giggled slightly as you rounded the side of the truck and shook your head at your sudden, unexpected boldness. You hadn’t been in the truck 2 seconds with the door closed before his large hands grabbed your hips and yanked you across the seat toward him and you squealed.

He spun you around so your legs were dangling out of the truck and he stood between your legs. His lips crashed against yours and you melted into it instantly; your arms coming up to wrap around his neck. He growled; the sound lost in your mouth as your tongues battled for dominance. After a moment, he squeezed your hips tighter and stepped back.

“God damn, princess where the fuck have you been all my life?” He asked. You smiled and shrugged as your fingers ran through the back of his hair.

“Gift shop?” you said innocently causing him to laugh as he gestured for you to scoot over.

“You’re different.” He said as he climbed into the truck, putting his precious bat on the seat next to him.

“May I ask how?” You inquired as he started the truck. You leaned over to look at the mileage to see how far your shot was and sat back to see him looking at you inquisitively. You blushed as you pointed ahead of you. “I wanna see how far the shot was.” He nodded as he put the truck in gear.

“Most people are fucking terrified of me. I can see your fear but you’re not fucking completely scared of me.” He said as drove. You shrugged as you looked over at the odometer.

“I grew up on an army base and was training to become a SEAL before this all went to shit. Fear is second nature- you can’t stop yourself from being afraid. You can; however, control how you respond to that fear.” You nodded to yourself as you passed the corpse .6 miles away; and you sat back on your side of the bench seat and looked at Negan. “You terrify me Negan, I won’t deny that. But you also demand respect and ooze a slightly narcissistic self-confidence and I respect that.” He glanced over at you a look of shock, anger and appreciation.

“Did you just call me a fucking narcissist?” He asked and you smiled and shook your head.

“I insinuated you had a slightly narcissistic self-confidence.”

“Same fucking thing.” He said as he glanced back at you once again; a glimmer of excitement in his eyes.

“With all due respect sir, I will have to agree to disagree with you on that. Suggesting something and saying it flat out are two separate things.” You looked back out the window as Negan chuckled.

“You’re lucky as fuck you got a pretty face or I’d bash your fucking skull in right now.” He stated and your head whipped back to him. He glanced over at your shocked face and laughed. “Don’t think for a fucking second you can talk to me like that in front of anyone else, you understand me? Shut your fucking mouth unless you are around me and only me and if you fucking disrespect me again, I will fucking end you. Got it?” He asked as he looked back over at you and you nodded, not even noticing the tears that were falling gently on your cheeks. You looked back out the window at the Virginia landscape and when you saw your tears in the reflection of the glass, you wiped them away quickly and put your face of indifference on once more.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered after a few minutes, refusing to look away from the window.

“Fucking bet you are.” He grumbled as he pulled into the parking lot of a giant department store. “Look, there is something fucking different about you and I fucking like it. You aren’t like the rest of my wives. You’re entitled to your own fucking opinions but there are two things you will fucking remember about them.” He said as he stopped and put the truck in park. He reached over and took ahold of your arm, and pulled toward him to get you to look at him. He pointed at you when your eyes met his. “Do NOT speak unless you are spoken to in front of my men period. And if you have a mother fucking opinion about something you say it with some fucking respect, you got that?”

“Yes sir.” You squeaked. He smiled at you and nodded.

“That’s a good girl.” He let go of your arm and grabbed your chin, kissed you roughly for a moment before letting go. “Now out. We got a job to do. I want you up on that box truck. You see a dead prick, leave it; they boys will get it. You see a person that ain’t one of mine, you kill him, got it?”

“Yes sir.” He smiled once more as he grabbed Lucille.

“Good girl.”

You got out of the truck quickly and nearly ran to the box truck that had come to a stop just next to the truck you got out of; throwing your rifle over your shoulder as you went. Before Negan’s men even had a chance to get out of it, you put your foot on the tire and hauled yourself onto the hot hood. Using the same momentum, you put a foot in the middle of the windshield, stepped up on the cab and scrambled up on to the top of the white truck.

“Dwight help my… oh.” Negan said as he rounded the truck and looked for you on the ground and he looked a little shocked to see you already on the roof. You gave a little half shrug as he smiled at you and he pointed up at you. “I knew I liked you for a reason. Dwight, get your ass up there and make sure nothing fucking happens to my beautiful new wife.” He said as looked at a man who was getting out of the truck you were on. “Let’s go!” He shouted as he pointed toward the building. You watched him walk away for a moment before pulling your rifle off your shoulder and walking to the end of the truck as the back door was slid open. You sat down quietly with your legs dangling over the edge, laying your rifle down next to you and waited. While you waited, you thought.

You couldn’t help but wonder how you were still alive. The man who had found you was clearly a psychopath; waiving that bat around like a serial killer, using it to instill fear in the masses. It was a tactic that was clearly worked in his favor as the men and women who followed him did so without question. It made you wonder what he had done with that bat to make them comply so completely. You wondered how long he had been in charge of the compound and what he had to do to get there. You could guarantee yourself it had something to do with Lucille.

You also couldn’t help but wonder what he was like before shit hit the fan; what did he do for a living and what must have happened to him to turn him into the man that he was. He displayed tell-tale signs of PTSD and, taking into account the multiple wives that he apparently picked up whenever he wished, he must have had some sort of familial issue that traumatized him and made him close himself off to intimacy. You felt sorry for him for whatever it was but you already knew he would never talk about it.

After about an hour, the men began to walk out with bags and boxes of canned food and other supplies. You scooted back against the hot, metal roof and stood up; grabbing your rifle and putting it over your shoulder as you walked to the front of the truck. Dwight, who had stayed silent the entire time offered you his hand.

“I got it; thanks though.” You told him with a smile as you jumped down to the roof of the cab effortlessly. The driver side door was open and you sat down, grabbed ahold of the open door and jumped to the ground; hissing slightly at the momentary sting you felt in your feet before you walked back to the truck you arrived in.

“You smoke, baby girl.” Negan asked as he walked up to you with a smile on his face, a cigarette dangling from his lips.

“Been a while.” You took the pack that he offered you with a nod of appreciation. He lit the cigarette for you with a smile and your eyes searched his as you took a drag.

“You fascinate me.” You said softly as you leaned against the truck, watching your word choice carefully. “I wish I had known you before this all happened; been able to witness your rise to power.” You tilted your head to the side as he smiled. ‘Wish I knew what made you this way.” You thought as he chuckled.

“It was a beauty.” He said as he stood directly in front of you, trapping you between his body and the truck. “Bloody and beautiful.” He put his cigarette between his lips and brushed his knuckle against your skin. “Not as beautiful as you though.” He growled.

“You flatter me, Negan. You’ll give me a complex.” You teased as you reached up and took his cigarette out of his mouth to lean up and kiss him gently; part of you wondering if placating his ego would be the easiest way to guarantee your survival. When he deepened the kiss you realized that your theory was correct.

“You’re trouble baby girl.” He said as he leaned back and you shrugged as you held his cigarette out to him.

“I’m the fun kinda trouble though.” You smiled and winked at him as he took his cigarette back and chuckled.

“And I can’t fucking wait to see what kind of trouble we can get into.” He said as he stepped back and gestured to the truck. “Let’s go.” Negan only waited a few minutes for his men to finish loading the truck before heading back to the compound. You stayed silent for the ride, watching the scenery pass by when a highway sign caught your attention.

“We are on 7?” You asked as you turned toward Negan and he nodded. “Have you cleaned out the gun store off Logan?” You asked him before he could respond farther. He slammed on the breaks and you quickly braced yourself against the dashboard so you wouldn’t go flying into it.

“What fucking gun store?” He asked as you turned to look at him.

“I… I saw it in the yellow pages when I was passing through town. I was headed that way before I found your compound.” You tried to cover up your nervousness but you didn’t need to as a smile spread across his face.

“I fucking like you princess.” He stated as he began driving once more. “Off Logan?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yes sir. Turn le… no wait, right from this direction and it should be a mile up the road on the left.” He nodded once more as he sped up, looking for the road. He found it about half way back to home and turned sharply; the truck tires skidding slightly across the turn. Sure enough, a little over a mile up the road there stood an unmarked building and you smiled when you say the metal security door still intact.

“God damn, sweetheart. Look at you!” You pointed at the door as he came to a stop in front of the building and looked over at him.

“May I?” You asked, wanting to be the one to break into the place you had been looking for during short day trips away from the Sanctuary for the last two weeks.

“By all mean.” He said. You smile got even bigger as you grabbed your rifle and got out of the truck. You forced yourself not to skip in excitement at the thought of the score you just found. You could hear the other trucks pulling in to the parking lot behind you as you shouldered your gun and crouched down in front of the door. You pulled up the leg of the jeans you had been given and pulled out the lock picks you kept taped to the wall of your boot, suddenly grateful that you hadn’t been patted down last night when Negan forced you to hand over your weapons. He also didn’t know about the gun you had strapped to the outside of your leg either.

“She’s fucking got it.” Negan said to someone as you made quick work of the lock on the door; another trick your brother had taught you. As you lifted up the gate you smiled as the name of the gun store was revealed and you thanked God that the door and the second chain metal gate were still intact. You put your picks between your teeth for a moment as you pulled your gun off your shoulder, unscrewed the suppressor and put the barrel through the cage. With one quick punch to the stock, the glass door shattered and you pulled your weapon back.

“Here fishy, fishy.” You called out, momentarily forgetting you were not alone any more as you screwed the suppressor back on to your gun, and waited for any dead that could be inside. You heard a branch break to your right and you dropped down, grabbed your little gun at lightning speed and killed the walker before it even made it completely out of the woods.

“God DAMN!” Negan called out through his laugh; scaring the shit out of you when you remembered you had people watching you. “She gets fucking hotter and hotter every minute! I think I may just bust a fucking nut right fucking here!” You blushed as you turned back to the gate, unlocking it quickly and pushing it open.

“She’s all yours.” You told him as you reached in and unlocked the glassless door; pulling it open. Negan strolled over to you, towering over you with a look of lust as you held the door open for him.

“I’ll look the other fucking way about the second gun right now because I’m so fucking turned on I can hardly fucking think straight. But when we get back you turn over everything you fucking have.” He said quietly yet forcefully.

“Yes sir.” You responded almost in a whisper. He gestured between the two of you.

“After you.” You gave him a weak smile as you stepped in to the store and you looked around as he whistled to his men. The place was a massive gold mine; hundreds of guns everywhere. You walked over to the counter and jumped over it to look for boxes of ammunition and you were slightly surprised when you didn’t see any. You looked around for a storage room or an office and your eyes fell on a very large safe at the end of the counter.

“Fuck.” You groaned as you walked over to it. You knew the only thing that safe held were bullets. “Hey, Negan?” You called out as you turned to look at him. 

“Y’all don’t by chance have a glass coffee mug or some other kind of glass, do you?” He raised an eyebrow at you as he walked over to you and you pointed at the safe. “Ammo is in here.”

“Fuck.” He said as he looked at the safe.

“I can get into it but without a glass it’s gunna take me a little bit.” He looked down at you with a soft smile.

“Is there anything you can’t fucking do?” He inquired softly.

“Fly?” You said with a sassy smile. He shook his head with a laugh and you continued. “I just need quiet to do this so I can hear the pins drop. I’ll have to wait until everything is cleared out before I get started. Do you want me to help them?”

“Nope. You get to stand there, look beautiful and keep me company.” He said as he leaned back against the safe. You shrugged as you leaned back against it as well, your shoulder up against his. “How many stores are in town?” He asked, his voice low and even.

“This was the last one. The other two had been picked clean by the time I got there. I think this one was saved because it was unmarked.” He nodded as he pulled out his pack of cigarettes, offering you one as he watched his men make quick work of all the weapons.

“You’re something special, (Y/N).” he said as he lit your smoke then his. “Were you in the Navy before this?” You shook your head, paying mind to the way his voice was low so only you could hear him getting to know you on a personal level as you smoked.

“I was joining as a civilian. I only had a couple weeks before I signed my contract. I went MIA when shit went south. My grandpa, dad, and brother were all army.” You smiled as you looked up with him. “I just enjoy being different, I guess.” He nodded as he exhaled with a half mouthed smirk.

“So how did you make it and they didn’t?” A knot lodged in your throat as you looked away toward the floor, taking a drag of your smoke to postpone answering the question for a moment.

“My brother was overseas when this all went down so I have no idea what happened to him. My grandpa passed away years before this and my dad was bit when he was trying to save my mom.”

“Damn, kid. Sorry I asked.” You shrugged as you kicked your boot across the carpeted floor.

“Shit happens. No use crying over it. My rifle… your rifle…” you said with a slight roll of your eyes that went unseen by Negan, thankfully. “It belonged to my brother. It was the one he trained on, he taught me how to shoot before he moved to the army base in Germany.” Negan didn’t ask any more questions after that.

It only took the men roughly five more minutes to clear the shop and you pushed off the safe as he headed outside to send half of the men back to home base. You grabbed a sharpie from on top of the register and got to work cracking the safe and after a relatively frustrating 15 minutes you finally got it. With a satisfied nod you turned the lock and yanked the heavy door open.

“Jackpot.” You said as you looked at hundreds of boxes of rounds. Negan stepped over to you and looked inside as he put his arm around your shoulder.

“Oh yea, sweetheart… I’m fucking keeping you.”

Part 2

[looselucy]

Vitae & Mortem

Dystopian AU - Read the previous chapters

Part Eight

12:54PM We sat watching the world go by, hurt by the calm and tranquillity of it all. Harry passed me some of the bread we’d been handed at the Soup Kitchen, the two of us sat in silence, amazed as the world continued as casually as ever. In the distance, I saw another image of Marby being painted over. It hurt. Everything hurt.

I took a sorry bite and dropped my head, finding it hard to witness that the words of our Prime Minister had worked, and London had gone back to its usual self. They had stopped caring about us as quickly as they had started. Images of Marby had been painted over, stripped down, and phased out. It must have worked wonderfully for them, another way to force themselves to be blind to truth of their existence. They couldn’t stare it in the face. So they were tearing it down. “Short-lived, wasn’t it?” Harry groaned, clearly frustrated. “Short-lived?” I questioned. “It didn’t last long… Whatever happened. Them… caring. It didn’t last.” It was hard to admit, really. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that the progress we’d seen had fallen flat. Everything Gardan had done for us, had resulted in absolutely nothing. As soon as they had one excuse not to care, they’d taken it, grabbed their opportunity to veil their guilt once again, and continued with their bustling lives where we were just vermin they passed and pitied. “I can’t believe they can just… carry on like this. Like nothing even happened.” I weakened, giving him the remainder of our bread. “This is how it always has been, and how it always will be.” He grunted, getting back up to his feet. “They’re all just waiting for a reason not to care.” He took off walking, barging through the crowds, and once again I followed, my pace quick as I tried to catch up with him. “So what next?” I asked, practically chasing the boy. “There is no next, Jax.” He turned briefly to face me. “This is it now. We’re done! We’ve done everything within our power and we failed, alright? It’s over.” “What’s over?” I worried. “This. Whatever the hell we hoped would happen, it’s over!” I slowed down my pace and dropped my head. I often felt defeated. At the end of most days, when I’d curl up upon concrete, it was hard to feel anything but. Yet I found that moment to be one of my worst. I had no idea where the two of us were supposed to turn, or how we could just continue like nothing had ever happened. I’d been granted this slight taste of hope and I’d wanted to devour it, relish in its flavour and share the sweetness. One speech from our Prime Minister, and it had been snatched from us, pulled from beneath us and leaving us wounded on the ground. After seeing the reaction of the public, the way their sympathy jumped from us to him with just a few words, I couldn’t help but feel like he was lying about the entire thing. It was a scenario he had created to get that exact reaction, where people had compassion and were more responsive to the mere thought of him having a Lost Child, than they were for the actual Lost Children themselves. He’d fooled them into thinking there wasn’t any way he would give the green light for people hurting us, because it would in turn hurt this daughter he had fabricated. All their doubts and questions faded back to nothing, and the world went about its regular routine. It was utterly infuriating to witness, but once that anger had emaciated, it left us feeling nothing other than defeated. Harry eventually noticed that I hadn’t continued in my attempts to keep up with him, turning around to face me and seeing me stable, silent, sad, He was calm as he approached me once again, the two of us somehow ignoring those around us. He stopped just ahead of me, then lifted his hand to tilt my head upwards, pressed just below my chin. He licked over his lips. “Maybe we should…” He tried, and failed. “Maybe we should what?” I scowled, hating the tone of his voice. Harry didn’t falter, staring at my eyes, his hand moving to cup my cheek, and I gazed right back up to him. “Maybe we should distance.” He spoke, so confident it killed me. “Maybe we should end this truce.” “Truce?” I trembled. “It means-” “I know what it means, Harry!” I growled. “But why do you want that?” “I don’t!” He cried. “Then why say it?” “I’m trying to do what’s best! For both of us!” “No!” I shook my head, knocking his touch from my skin and taking a step back from him. “We’re not finished! There’s more we can do, I know there is!” The thought of Harry leaving sent me spiralling back towards hope, back towards to delusional state of mind where I believed the two of us could make some kind of difference. I couldn’t lose a war that we hadn’t even managed to start and lose him too. I looked across to him and saw that the optimism I was grasping onto was void within him, his eyes empty. An idea sparked in my mind. “The Krows.” I simply said. “What?” “We should follow the Krows. We need to go after the fucking Krows.” Usually he grinned when I cursed, but in that moment, he couldn’t manage it. It was always Harry who had suggested following the Krows to find out where they’d go once the daylight came again. It was Harry who wanted to hunt them and find their lair and do something directly to them. It was an idea that scared me, initially, but after our failure when it came to getting the rest of London to care, it would appear the only technique available to us would have to be that undeviating. I found it strange that he wasn’t immediately jumping on my new plan. “No.” He simply stated. “This was your idea.” “And I don’t want to do it anymore.” “But why?” “It’s too risky. We’re too vulnerable. It can’t happen.” “You’re just waiting to die again, Harry! You’re just waiting to die and I won’t let you!” Only moments earlier, I would have guessed that Harry was saying no to such a perilous plan because at some point, I’d grown to mean too much to him, and he didn’t want to see me get hurt. But he’d just suggested we distanced. He had just suggested that the two of us part ways, so how much could I really mean to the trembling boy who stood ahead of me? I didn’t know whether he had calculated the risks that accompanied being within my company and decided they were too high, or if returning to a hopeless state of mind once more involved not having me there as a bitter reminder of everything we hadn’t achieved. All I knew was that if this was going to be our final step, our final clasp at hope, I had to do it with him by my side. “I might be waiting to die, but going after the Krows is fucking begging for death, Jax. You know it is.” “That has to better than this. And maybe… we’ll find new information. And if we do get out of there alive, we can share that and get people fighting for us again. If we don’t… at least I won’t just be waiting for this to end. I’m tired of running, Harry. I want to fight. We have to fight.” He swallowed something back, another quarrel or possibly something else, and I could tell it wasn’t something he wanted anymore. This idea he’d once been so eager to see through, was now something he really wanted to evade. But he wouldn’t let me go alone, and he knew full well that if he was to walk away from me then, I’d still follow them. “Okay.” He sighed eventually, and he seemed so heartbroken. “Then what’s our plan?” 2:02AM The two of us crouched in the shadows, glaring in silence as four Krows surrounded one of their vans, two of them smoking as they lingered, laughing and chatting between themselves. “When they leave, we’ll jump in the back.” Harry whispered lowly, not taking his off them. “But if they find any kids tonight, they’ll open the doors and see us.” “This is our only option, Jax. It’s a risk we’re gunna have to take.” I knew he was right, and I didn’t want to keep questioning it because I felt like with every fault I dragged up, it would merely push Harry further away from seeing this new plan through. We watched their every movement, always worried that they would spot us preying on them, but the darkness worked its wonders and kept us sheltered. To be honest, it looked like the last thing on their mind was to look for Lost Children. They were so casual about what they were doing, just another night at work. We’d ventured into a section of the city we didn’t often travel, in the hopes that those Krows were not sent out specifically to find us. From what we could see of them, it was promising. It barely looked like they wanted to work at all. “Suppose we better make a move.” One of them eventually grumbled. “You gotta do better tonight. You let three kids slip through your fingers last night. They’ll fire you if you keep that up.” I scowled even more, hating the implication that they almost had some kind of quota to reach, a target number of children to take every single night. Those doubtful words were only met with a middle finger from the Krow they’d been directed to, and then they began to distance from their van, taking off down the street and into the night. “Let’s go!” I tried to move. “Stay the fuck back!” Harry seethed, pulling at my arm a yanking me backwards, where I crashed back onto the floor by his side. “What are you doing?” I tried to keep my voice down, scowling furiously at him, scrambling back upright. “Don’t touch me like that! Don’t do that!” “I’m trying to keep you safe, Jax!” He hissed. “They’ve only just gone so you should fucking wait! Be patient! If they came back for any reason to see you breaking into their van you’re dead! So stay the fuck down.” I hated it when he spoke to me like that, like he was above me. We both knew that he was more educated than I was, and that he knew what he was doing, but sometimes his actions and his words were so belittling that it made me want to scream. Sometimes it would just remind me that being on my own was less stressful for more than one reason. There had been a real purpose for me living by myself all those years. Breathing heavily in an attempt to calm down, I did as he’d ordered, waiting a while longer, but not as long as he’d hoped. “I’m going.” I huffed. I was storming back in the direction of the van before he could stop me, heading towards the rear end where the doors were. Harry harshly whispered, demanding I go back to him, but I ignored him. I’d reached the back and was pulling furiously on the handles of the locked doors by the time he’d run to join me, and once again the two of us were nothing but angry at one another. “You’re going to get us both killed!” His voice was raising. “I’m not the one fucking yelling, am I?” Curse words always seemed to sting when they slipped from between my lips, because I still wasn’t really used to them. They were a new language to me, one that I barely knew how to use. For Harry, they happened subconsciously. For me, they were always purposeful. I continued tugging on the handles unsuccessfully, Harry shushing me as I became more aggressive and the noises of my failed actions heightened. “Jax, just stop!” He cried. “Calm down.” “You’re so annoying.” I huffed, stepping away from the vehicle. He took my place, fishing something out from deep within the pocket of his pants and then toying with the lock on the door, biting his tongue to keep from snapping at me any further. He tried to break into the van unsuccessfully as we stood in silence. I looked into the night, watching out for any signs of movement, trouble steeping in the shadows, but it looked like we were safe for the time being. We both knew it wouldn’t last; we were walking, voluntarily, head first into trouble, but we were out of options. We had to. We just wanted to make sure we were in the right situation to greet it, and in that moment, it was far too soon. Harry cursed to himself over and over as he worked the lock, and we barely acknowledged each other the entire time. It must have been at least twenty minutes, but he refused to give up. Eventually, it clicked perfectly, and the door swung itself open. “Get in.” He spoke lowly. I wasn’t even hesitant as I jumped into the back of the van. I didn’t even feel scared, or nervous. It almost felt like it had been a long time coming, that I was bound to end up there at some point whether it was by force or by choice. Harry jumped in after me and slammed the door closed behind us. It was almost completely dark in there, a green light casting down upon us and being our only form of light. There were low benches running down each side, and I took my place on one as Harry took his place on the other, the two of sitting directly across from one another. There was a dull hum that circulated the space around as we sat together, not saying a word. There really wasn’t much to say, really. It wasn’t the first time myself and Harry had gotten worked up and snapped at one another. It always left us feeling a little lost afterwards, but there wasn’t really anything to say about it. “What do we do if they open the door?” I asked him, leaning a little closer to the centre. “You still got your knife?” He asked darkly. “I’m not using it again. I can’t.” “Then give it to me.” He offered his hand. “I’ll use it.” He was so nonchalant about it, the thought of killing a Krow obviously meaning nothing to him. I questioned if he would feel the same way if he actually ever had to do it. I retrieved my knife from the slot in lived within that attached around my thigh, and to be honest, I was glad to be rid of it. The weight it relieved me of wasn’t much physically, but mentally it was humongous. I passed it over to him, watching him eye up the blade before he placed it down by his side, keeping it out and easily accessible, in case he needed to use it. “You don’t seem scared.” I whispered, watching him shuffle closer, the gap between our faces only made up by a few inches. “I’m not.” “Why?” “Should I be?” “You were the one who thought this was such a big risk.” “But we’re here now, and my fear won’t help.” He almost shrugged. “What about you? You scared?” “Terrified. Even if we make it… I’m scared of what we’ll find.” He dropped his head, unable to think of a reply that would soothe or help me in that moment, so he said nothing. And that dragged for hours. For hours we sat in silence. We waited and waited and waited, desperate for the night to come to an end. Neither of us knew how things would play out. All we knew is that we needed something to happen, something to end the waiting. If I was going to die, then waiting for it was the one thing worse than it actually happening. It felt as though we were waiting on our fate. So when we finally heard voices again, it sparked my fear even further, the feeling pulsing around my body with great speed as I stared wide eyed across to Harry, who clasped his fingers around the knife as his side. He composed himself, nodding to me in a way that suggested everything was under control, even though I’d never felt such a lack of control in my entire life. I held my breath the entire time, suddenly the lights above us flickering as the van came to life. Without even thinking, I reached out, grabbing Harry’s free hand and holding it tightly, squeezing my fingers between his and using him as a comfort. Their voices were hidden by the roar of the engine and metal that trapped us in that confined space, meaning we couldn’t quite work out what they saying. I glanced down to the door, expecting it to swing open at any second. But it didn’t. Soon, the voices died, and we jolted into action, the vehicle beginning to move, and they hadn’t opened the door. We were safe. “Shit.” Harry grumbled. “We’re gunna make it, aren’t we? We’re gunna actually see where they take these kids.” It was hard to comprehend. So many years, I’d dreamed about where they went. I’d conjured up images in my head and made all these conclusions, but now we were actually heading to the real thing, and it was difficult to take. When we’d spent so many years being scared to even ask the question, the thought of finally having an answer was twice as terrifying. Harry kept hold of my hand as we bulked and bundled towards out destination, my heart crawling up my throat with each turn we took. I was shaking, looking across to Harry and hoping to see some similar emotions from him, but I got nothing. I could feel from the fact my tiny hand was trapped against his, that he wasn’t shaking, but the only emotion I could decipher from him otherwise was a sadness I hadn’t been expecting. It was there in his eyes. They were distant, not really concentrating on anything, just gazing downwards. He seemed so lost, and I didn’t know how to find him. I managed to push my fear to one side for a moment, squeezing encouragingly at his hand, which caused him to lift his head. We smiled at one another, our attempts weak, and then he was gone again, back to a distant place where his eyes were glazed and we weren’t in the back of one of the Krows vans. He'd changed, since we first met. His dreams had changed. His aspirations and what he wanted from life completely scattered, when they used to be in one place; one focus. I couldn’t help but feel like my anger had gotten the best of me earlier, like maybe we were making a huge mistake. We were walking into a trap that we had no idea how to walk out of, and that was slowly dawning on us as the journey continued. It's hard to know how long we were driving, only being able to track it by the sinking feeling in my stomach that plummeted further south with each second, and the way I’d gone from just being scared, to holding in tears. I managed to hold myself together for a long time, but the more I glanced upon his sorrow, the harder it got. Eventually, I broke. “I’m so sorry.” I whispered, tears beginning to fill my eyes. “Jax?” He prompted, but I couldn’t face him. “Jax, look at me.” The very second I lifted my head, he moved forward and imbedded his lips upon mine. My eyes bolted open, not moving from him but seeing that his eyes were closed, his hand slowly lifting from the knife and finding itself placed upon my cheek, the tips of his fingers stroking over my ear. I’d never kissed anyone before. It was the type of thing that felt like a fantasy to me, something I’d read in books when I was younger, seen being shared between the privileged people of London.  I had never thought it was something I’d experience myself. His lips were soft, and they felt lovely against my own. Slowly, my shock began to fade and my eyes began to close, and I kissed him back, puckering my lips his way, my shoulders dropping. His mouth widened briefly, only being able to feel his tongue flick against mine for a fleeting moment before the van jolted and came to an abrupt stop, our kiss stopping with it. I was breathless again, staring back down to the door and putting some distance between us, sitting back to lean against the wall behind me. My head was already a mess before I’d known what his lips felt like, and now the feel of them felt like it was engrained into my skull and I could never escape it. I pressed my fingers softly against my lips, feeling the light trembles that I was producing, and I didn’t know whether it was because I was scared or if it was what his touch had done to me. We heard the sounds of doors opening and then slamming shut, Harry quickly grasping his fingers around the knife again as we glared towards the back doors, waiting for them to burst open. They didn’t. We concentrated on their stifled voices, and the way we could tell that they were distancing from the vehicle, but it didn’t seem real. It felt like we were getting too lucky. We’d both expected to have put up quite the fight before this stage, but we were actually there and they were moving away and we were still in the back of the van, completely unscathed. Even when it was completely silent, we didn’t move. We didn’t make a sound. We were still expecting something to go wrong, someone to find us, even though we were completely alone. I’m really not sure how much time we let pass before Harry broke the silence. “This is it.” He whispered, and then turned to me. “You ready?” “Yes.” I nodded, though it wasn’t in-keeping with how I was feeling. “Okay.” He nodded back. “Let’s go.” He was hesitant, though that wasn’t suggested in his voice. He took a few moments, staring at me from his spot, looking as though he was on the verge of saying something, his lips quivering with words they couldn’t release, and then got to his feet, marching towards the door and pushing it open with no reluctance. He looked to the outside world again, and when I noticed he hadn’t flinched or heightened his knife, I approached, standing behind him and catching the same view with my wide eyes. Ahead of us was a building, barely visible in the dark of the night, nothing radiating it or allowing it to stand out upon the darkness. It was silent, still, not a single sign of life probing from concrete slab ahead of us. “I see a door.” Harry pointed. “What do we do when we get in there?” “Search from something. Anything. Any kind of proof that… they’re killing them or… just anything. Then we find our way back to the city, and we tell Gardan what we found and where it is. He’ll help us expose them.” Thanks to our unprecedented luck, Harry had conjured up the following stages of this plan like he knew we were going to make it out alive. I appreciated his optimism, and I think it was the only thing that helped me to build the courage to remove myself from that van. We scoped the area as we made our way towards the door, Harry keeping the knife close to him, and though I didn’t feel safe, I was still thankful that he’d taken the item from me. He used his other hand to grasp at the handle, pushing it forward. The door let out a sinister creak as it slowly swung open, the two of us only being greeted by a hallway darker than the outside world, and with each step we took, the menacing feeling that was once constricted within my stomach began to swell and search through my entire body. “C’mon.” Harry whispered, stepping aside and gesturing that I go in first. That was the first moment I felt his fear. Maybe he just did it so I was always in sight. Maybe it wasn’t fear, but a sense of protection instead. But in that moment, it felt like his troubling thoughts had finally gotten the better of him, and he didn’t dare to take the first step forward. So I obliged, knowing that I needed strength for the both of us in that moment, in the way that Harry had harboured strength for us so many times before. He had always been the willing one, who helped us jump from one step to the next as I worried and cried and ached my way through each experience. It merely felt like I was returning the favour. I forged my confidence and stepped inside, feeling him close behind me. He kept the door ajar, working as a tight form of light that dwindled with each step we took. Thankfully, the two of us were accustom to unlit spaces, knowing how to work our way through foreign and dark places, but even so. It reached the stage where it was almost pitch black, but there was a small glimmer of light ahead of us that almost felt like a beacon of hope. That’s when we heard a noise. It came from behind us, a low thud that sent my pulse racing, whipping around to try and decipher some kind of sight, but I got nothing. I was still, just breathing frantically, reaching out in the hope of being able to feel Harry, my touch reaching nothing but air. Another bang. Louder than the previous. Closer. “Harry?” I whispered. There was no answer. I was panicking so much I thought I might pass out. I started walking back the way I had just came, hoping to grab him, keeping my hands ahead of myself and hoping to collide into his body, but nothing came. I was walking against nothingness and my heart was bursting in my chest. “Harry?” I seethed, needing to keep my voice down but desperate for a reply. “Harry? Harry if you’re here please answer me? Fuck. Fuck.” I had to stop, because this awful part of me knew I wasn’t going to find him. With barely a sound, and not visuals, he’d gone. He’d disappeared and left not even the slightest hint of where he’d gone, and once again there were tears in my eyes as I stood completely mobile, sobbing and praying that he would appear again. And then a final noise. But it wasn’t just the noise this time. The low thud was accompanied but a dull ache at the back of my head, and I realised quickly I’d been struck. I fell to the floor, crashing onto my knees before I collapsed completely. Everything was spinning, my temples throbbing and feeling as though they were going to cave in on themselves. I thought I was seconds away from vomiting onto the floor where my cheek was pressed, wondering if it was blood I could feel trickling down my neck. Then a second hit to my skull. Then darkness.