#I’m gonna say them in a megaphone anyways

[egginthepit]

Personal headcanon that no one asked for: Mhin is a biter. I don’t mean that in a sexual way. I mean it in a they are the type to bite their romantic partner’s cheek or arm way. The need to get the cute aggression out. They will pretend they didn’t just do that.

[luveline]

hellooo I have a request for Spencer x bombshell! reader (I'm not sure if you've done this before and if you have I apologise!!) but like they're on a case and one of them gets pretty badly hurt somehow & then the other is really worried about them & stuff and then I'm not sure (I think this could be good but not the way that I have spoken about it and so I'm very very sorry!!)

u r so awesome don’t worry!!

cw canon typical violence and injury

Everything is crisp and quiet at the precipice of the stakeout. You adjust your gun where it’s poised over the roof of an SUV away from a moving officer’s body. The negotiator adjusts the megaphone at their thigh nervously, waiting for Hotch’s go ahead. You’re all waiting for it. A hand raised, sending you in, hostage recovered, a long case coming to a short close. 

“Don’t forget your leg,” Spencer says to you under his breath. 

“Trust me, babe, I can’t forget it,” you say back, glancing quickly at him to your left. He’s facing forward, trained on the window where you’d last seen the unsub. The distance between you both and the danger is small, less than three feet of space. You and Spencer don’t have a clear shot, the agent’s behind you better equipped and better trained, but you can make do in a pinch. 

“Hurting?” he whispers. 

“Half as bad as it was yesterday.” 

“I have a bad feeling.” 

“Yeah?” You follow Hotch’s hand. The negotiation begins. You and Spencer don’t talk again. 

The unsub is sour, the victim terrified. When the screaming inside begins in earnest, the FBI rolls inside, confident in taking down the unsub, if a little worried about the victims wellbeing. You and Spencer sweep in less than ten inches away from each other, unafraid, and you don’t see the sledgehammer until it’s hitting you in the jaw, spraying blood like dark ink over Spencer’s pale cheek. 

—

“I don’t care if that’s what you recommend.” A drag of a soft touch somewhere on your skin. “Sincerely. I want a second opinion.” 

“It’s a mandibular fracture, we have a suitable follow up procedure.” 

“I understand, but I’m doing what she’d want me to do. When she wakes up, she’ll say the same thing, and so there’s no point in starting the paperwork for a procedure she won’t agree to.” 

“I doubt her cosmetic preferences will outweigh functionality.” 

It’s Spencer’s voice, Spencer’s hand on your leg. He’s reaching back to hold you as he defends you. “Respectfully, you don’t know her. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. She needs peace and quiet.” 

The doctor harrumphs but leaves. Quiet is restored, and for a while you doze, the only thing at your attention Spencer’s hand where it climbs. He takes your hand. You know his fingers well where they twine between yours. 

A few hours pass by in sluggish slee, the bed elevated to an uncomfortable sitting position. 

“Hey?” he asks, fingertips to the hill of your shoulder. “Are you waking up?” 

You can’t make your mouth form words. Your eyes flash open in shock.

“Hey, don’t panic. I’m sorry, I’m going to explain, but please don’t panic.” 

You wait. 

Spencer stands in a rumpled shirt, hair in his eyes, glasses slipping down his nose. “Your jaw is broken, fractured, actually, pretty badly. You’ve had so much pain relief over the last few hours I’m surprised you can even open your eyes, and it’s good you’re struggling to move your mouth because it would only hurt anyways.” He claps your arm gently. “I’m sorry. I’m not going anywhere though, okay? I’m right here.” 

That’s not what scares you; you know Spencer’s gonna stay. It’s not a question. 

Your hand strays up to your face. 

“It’s not bad,” he swears, and perhaps lies. 

“Spence,” you manage, a croak that aches and lisps at once. 

“It’s okay,” he says, leaning down. “Please don’t get upset.” 

You blink tearfully. You don’t remember what happened, just the flash of pain and now Spencer looking down at you like you’re wounded. He sits carefully on the side of your bed and grabs you by the waist, two hands on your sides and arms resting on your stomach, like a hug that hasn’t crept forward. 

“You won’t like the bruise,” he says apologetically. 

“Bad?” you whisper. 

“It’s all the way up to your eye. He also chipped two of your teeth… I’m so sorry, angel. It was my fault.” He thumbs your ribs. “I’ll fix everything. I already talked to your dentist, and tonight they’re coming back to talk about your plastics because the blow split your skin, okay? But you're mostly fixed already.” 

“‘M I… still pretty?” you ask. 

“Still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,” he says, not half as shyly as he’d usually would. 

You cry panicked, dribbly tears. He rubs shapes into your sides and swears again that it’ll all be okay, and it’s not that you don’t believe him, it’s just that it’s really starting to hurt. 

“Had a bad feeling,” he says, wiping your tears as gently as he can before they can wet the bandaging on your jaw.

“Did you get him for me?” you ask. 

Morgan clears his throat from the doorway to announce his arrival, a coffee cup in hand, pastry bag hanging between his pinky and marriage finger. He sounds like he’s about to laugh, “Did you, lover boy?” He beams at you. “I’ve never seen him pistol whip someone before. You would’ve loved it.”

You groan in agony. Missing out on seeing that is almost as bad as breaking your jaw. 

“I’ll recreate it for you,” Spencer promises. 

“And now it’s time for him to eat,” Morgan says, putting the pastry bag on the bed, “and get some sleep. He hasn’t slept in the two days you’ve been in here.”

“I had important stuff to take care of,” he says, rubbing your side. “While you couldn’t do it yourself.”

“Sleep,” you insist through your achy mouth.

Spencer’s eyes go soft and sad. “I will.”

[manicplank]

The Color Pink (Part 15)

Aaaaa sorry this took so long. This piece has been written for a while so I decided to post it since I've been too busy to write more. Sorry if it sucks.

Theodore awoke in the morning to see that his room was spotless. All the laundry was put away, and his army of half empty water bottles was gone. He tried to sit up, but it was too painful. He never picked up his painkillers from the pharmacy, so he had no means of relief. He groaned as his shoulder throbbed. Hazel appeared in the doorway almost instantly. “Theo,” she spoke calmly even though she was very worried. “Are you okay?”

“No,” he mumbled. “I can’t get up. It hurts too much.”

“Oh, okay, um…” She walked over to him in a hurry. She took the pillows out from underneath his right side. He winced in pain. “Sorry!” She was a little unsure of what to do. She went over to his other side and placed her hands underneath his neck and back. She slowly pulled up, but this only rolled him over. He cried out in pain again. She began to stress. She went to the foot of the bed. “Give me your hand.” She reached out and grabbed his left hand. “I’m gonna pull you up, and you’re gonna try and sit up at the same time, okay?”

“Mhm…”

“Okay, on three. One… Two… Three!” She strained as she pulled him up. He winced again, but he was sitting upward, so their mission was accomplished. She went over to him and held his face. “You okay?”

“No. I’m in pain.”

“Um… Okay, uh… I don’t know what to do.”

“They sent a script for painkillers over to the pharmacy. They should be ready by now. We need to go pick them up.”

“Oh, right! Good idea. Do you need help getting dressed?”

“No. I’ll just go like this.” He was dressed in sweatpants and an NTV t-shirt.

Hazel put her hands on her hips. “Really? Just like that?”

“Dude, I’m in too much pain to give a shit right now. I’m not walking down a red carpet. I was gonna send you to get them, anyways.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah. I was gonna wait here… Is that okay?”

“Isn’t your wallet still on set?”

“Shit, that’s right. Fuck, okay, um…” He sighed, “Ugh, I guess I’ll have to go with.”

“Plus, I need to pack a bag with some clothes. I’m going to stay here for a couple days to help you out.”

“Hazel, you don’t have to-”

She repeated herself in a firmer, more assertive tone, “I am going to stay here for a couple of days to help you out.”

He huffed. “Fine.”

“You don’t have to pity me, Theodore. I’m helping you because you need it. I’m helping you because I want to.” She went up to him and gently cupped his face in her hands. “Okay?”

He smiled. “Okay.”

She gave him a gentle peck on the lips. “You sure you don’t want to put any better pants on?”

“I’m sure. I’m comfortable.”

“Okay,” she rolled her eyes playfully, “whatever you say.” She stuck her hand out. “Come on, I’ll help you up.”

As she helped him to his feet, there was a knock at the door. He sighed, “Stay here, I’ll get it.” He dragged his feet as he walked. The entire right side of his body was stiff and sore. An ache radiated through his body with each step. The door knocked again. “SHUT UP!” He screamed in frustration as he walked up to the door. He opened it up; it was Dougie.

Theodore inhaled deeply and huffed with frustration. “What do you want?”

“Hi, boss. I have your keys and your wallet.” Dougie handed them to him.

“Oh… Cool… Thanks…”

“The set manager wants you to call him.”

Theo rolled his eyes. “What does he want?”

“He wants to know how you’re doing. We all do.”

“I’m in pain. Shout it through a megaphone and make sure everybody hears.”

“Yeah, but-”

Theo slammed the door in Dougie’s face. Hazel had come down the stairs to see that Noise had his wallet and keys in hand.

“Who was that?” She asked.

“It was Dougie. He dropped off my stuff.”

“Oh, okay, good. That’s one less stop we have to make.”

“Yep. Let’s go, I’m in a lot of pain and I want to go back to bed.”

Theo waddled behind Hazel as they headed out.

-

After everything was said and done, Theodore was completely exhausted. He had dozed off on the way back. He picked his head up once the car stopped. Hazel helped him up and out of his seat. She grabbed his hips from behind and guided him to the door.

“I’m not drunk,” he said, “you don’t have to lead me.”

“I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“You don’t have to baby me.”

“Shush. Let’s just get you inside so you can take a painkiller and go to bed. You need all the rest you can get.”

Theodore rolled his eyes and walked up to the door. Hazel unlocked and opened it for him. He dragged his feet as he walked in, holding the door for her to walk in behind him. He plopped onto the couch and kicked his legs up. His body was too tired to move anymore. Hazel hurriedly grabbed a water bottle from the kitchen and gave him the painkiller. He swallowed it without hesitation. She twiddled her fingers together as he laid his head down.

“Do you want me to take you up to your room?” She asked.

“Mmph,” he mumbled. “No. I’ll stay down here. That way if I need anything, I can just get it myself. I won’t have to go up and down the stairs a million times.”

“Hmm… Oh! Hold on, stay here.”

“I wasn’t going anywhere anyways.”

She rushed up to his room and grabbed a pillow as well as his fuzzy pink “blankie”. She came back down to see him already dozing off. “Here,” she tucked the pillow under his head and spread the blanket across him. She gave him a kiss on the forehead and he smiled. “Will you be okay if I leave?”

“You’re leaving?” He whined.

“Yeah. I’m sorry, but I have to go home eventually.”

He chuckled softly. “I’m just teasing you.”

She rolled her eyes with a smile. She ran her fingers through his hair. “I’ll be back. I have to pack some clothes and such.”

“Okay.”

“Call me if you need me, okay?”

“Okay.”

She cuffed his cheek and pecked him on the lips as goodbye.

-

She had to go through The Slum as she headed home. While she did, she was stopped by someone calling to her. She turned around to see The Vigilante running up to her as fast as possible. He looked incredibly disheveled as if he had seen the devil. “Hazel,” he shouted in a huff. “Hazel, you’re alive!” He stopped hard enough to leave skid marks from his boots. He huffed and puffed as he tried to catch his breath.

“Oh, hi Vigi,” she greeted.

“Where…” He sighed. “Where have you been?! Is everything okay?!”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I haven’t seen you in a couple days, and your cafe has been closed. I was worried sick!”

“Sorry. I should’ve left a note on the door or something. I ended up closing early once I was done with the NTV order the other day. Something came up.”

“What happened?”

“Well, um… I don’t think it’s any of your business, but… The Noise got injured at work. He needs some help taking care of himself.”

The Vigilante rolled his eyes. “Oh, sure, big celebrity man can’t take care of himself.”

“No, seriously! His shoulder is all messed up. It’s his right shoulder, and he’s right handed. He can’t do much.”

The Vigilante still looked doubtful. “Well,” he sighed disgruntledly. “I suppose your cafe will be closed for a while…”

“Hm… I never thought about that. That’s going to be an issue… I’m already a little behind on my rent.”

“Yeah, well, you know how Pizzaface is about money.”

Her shoulders tensed up as she imagined the giant floating pizza being angry at her. He was quite intimidating naturally. She didn’t want to know what he was like when he was angry. Closing the cafe to take care of The Noise was going to cost her in the long run, but he had no one else to depend on. She chewed on the tips of her fingers nervously. How was she going to make this work? She was worried about Theodore, but she was also worried about losing her career. Regardless, she wanted to take care of him. The Vigilante was snapping in her face as she came to.

“Hazel? You okay?”

“Oh! Yeah, sorry. I was lost in thought for a moment.” She chuckled nervously.

“You look like a deer in headlights.”

“I’m fine. I have to go.” She turned around and rushed off.

“Hazel, wait-” The Vigilante tried to catch her attention again, but she was already gone.

-

Once she got home, she was stuck. She was torn between taking care of The Noise or taking care of her cafe. She shook her head and went into her room to start packing clothes and accessories. She figured she would take care of him for one more night as she thought about how she could work things out. She tried to keep it out of her mind. She wanted to get back to Noise as soon as possible. Knowing him, she was afraid he might do something stupid. Once she was all packed up, she hustled back over to The Noise’s. She couldn’t shake off her anxiety, and she wanted to get there as soon as possible so she could talk to him about it.

-

Hazel used the spare key to go through the backdoor of Theodore’s home. She walked into the living room to see him still zonked out on the couch. Those painkillers knocked him out, she thought. She slowly walked up to him and gently nudged his arm. “Theo?” He was out cold. For a moment, she feared that he was dead, even though she knew how irrational that thought was. She nudged him a little harder. His eyes slowly peeled open.

“Oh,” he muttered, “you’re back.”

“Yeah, hey, um…” She spoke frantically.

He let out a groan as he stretched then picked his head up. “Are you okay? You seem… upset.”

“Yeah. I mean, no. Well, kind of.”

He slowly sat up on his own. “Come here, sit.”

Hazel sat on the couch and twiddled with her thumbs. “So, um… I have to talk to you about something.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Uh… So… I gave it some thought and-”

Theodore’s heart sank. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen. He was worried she had gotten overwhelmed and was going to leave him.

“- I’m not quite sure I’ll be able to take care of you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t take care of you and run the cafe at the same time.”

He shrugged. His worry suddenly faded. “Then take care of the cafe.”

“But you can’t take care of yourself.”

“Right…”

They sat in silence for a moment. Hazel felt insanely guilty.

“Hey,” Theo broke the silence, “I have an idea.”

“Hm?” Hazel looked at him with an eyebrow raised in curiosity.

“What if, and hear me out here,” he put his free hand on her shoulder. “What if I took care of you, too?”

“What… What are you talking about?”

“What if I helped you out financially while you help me? Like, what if I paid you for taking care of me?”

“What?! Theodore, no! I’d feel so guilty!”

“Please. Let me help you.”

They made eye contact for a moment. Hazel took a deep breath. “Okay.”

Theo smiled and gave her a quick smooch. “Relax. We can make this work. Everything will be okay. Anything you need, I will take care of. Okay?”

“Okay.” Hazel’s eyes were glazed over with tears. She wasn’t expecting him to react in such a way.

“You look like you’re going to cry.”

Hazel’s lower lip quivered as she nodded.

“No,” he pulled her in for a gentle hug. He wrapped his left arm around her as tight as he could. “No tears.” He kissed her cheek as she whined and shed a few tears into his chest. She sat up and wiped her tears away with her sleeve.

“Sorry,” she apologized. “I don’t know why I’m crying. I’m just stressed.”

“I know. It’s okay. You can stay here as long as you need to.”

“Okay. I mean, I’ll have to grab more clothes and things. I only packed enough for a couple days.”

“That’s fine. Everything’s fine, okay? Stop worrying.”

“Okay.”

[blueikeproductions]

The Beast Wars Metals versions of Megatron, Rattrap (Rattle), and Waspinator (Waspeeter) talk about the scrapped movie Predacon designs. WAR WAR STOP IT plays briefly before segueing into the Beast Warriors’ MST3K bit.

Rattle: Feh! Whaddya know, you Destrons WERE gonna be in th’ pit’cher besides Scorpos and his extended family.

Megs and Waspy: EEEEHHH???!

Megatron: Seriously?? Show us, rat!

Rattle: We’ll we got this sexy pin up of Waspeeter…!

Megatron: Oooo, Waspeeter-kun, you WERE gonna be in the movie, so jelly!

Waspeeter: Oooo, Waspeeter looking cool, buuuun! Kinda like my Animated self! Not like now, where Waspeeter got fat, buuun…

Rattle: Yeah, you stress ate cuz you didn’t get into Kingdom like we did.

Megatron: Bahhh, those slow processor scrap heaps were no fun. Nothing but War is Hell and politics! I kept telling them to get it out of first gear and crack a joke or twelve, gyahaha-spit- They told me one more out burst like that and they’d bring in my cousin and understudy Megaphone. -sigh-

Rattle: Huh, I thought something seemed off towards the end. That WAS Megaphone, wasn’t it?

Megatron: Eeugh, well enough of that! Who else would’ve made the cut, Rattle? Inferno? Terrorsaurer? Primus forbid Rampage or Tarans… -spits-

Rattrap: Er, about that, Megsy…

Megatron: WUUUHHHHAAAAAT?!?! That delinquent crab would’ve gotten his big screen debut before me??? Did he threaten to beat up the director guy if he didn’t get in?

Rattle: Strong possibility that’s why he was cut… I heard he was s’posed t’cameo as a corpse anyhow. Not da most thrilling of big screen roles.

Megatron: -giggles- Yet still oddly appropriate for Rampage-kun, gyahaha-spits-!

Waspeeter: I wonder if Depth Charge-san was gonna be in it too, buuun.

Megatron: Who cares about the Cybertrons?! I wanna see more of the Destrons! Perhaps we got the deadly Black Widow-chan pin ups, yes~? Rattle: Uh, well, they’re deadly and poisonous a’ight, but not exactly Black Widow material…

Megatron: …I have no idea who this is. This isn’t one of our guys…

Rattle: I wanna say it’s one of Lio Convoy’s band a’weirdos…? Swan Dive or some such?

Megatron: A Cybertron?! What a load of crock!

Waspeeter: Oooh! It’s gotta be Goosher-chaaan~! He and me went to Seibertron Primary School together when we were little, buuuun~!

Megatron: Isn’t that Gigatron’s toady?

Waspeeter: I mean technically Gelshark was the more direct toady, but yeah, buun.

Megatron: I thought Gelshark turned into a shark… Bah! Whatever it’s not one of mine anyway.

Rattle: ‘Old on, lemme consult the database. TFWiki, type type type, ok so it IS a Destron. Some frog called Spittor. Seems like someone you’d like, Megsy…

Megatron: I have no idea what you mean…! -spits-

Rattle: Riiight… Anyhow, Spittor did serve under you in some media, but he mostly appeared in comics, like da IDW stuff.

Megatron: Unless it was manga by Shoji Imaki, Naoto Tsushima, Hayato Sakamoto or Chromedome, I don’t care.

Rattle: Well we have one more Destron, and it was a guy who appeared in our show…

Waspeeter: Buuun? Dinobot 2?

Megatron: It’s Tarans, isn’t it.

Rattle: I mean it IS somebody you love to hate.

Megatron: EEEEEEEEEEGGGHHHH?!? Ram Horn??! The Trypticon Council would’ve made it on the big screen before MEEEEE?! This is outrrrRRAAAAGEOUS!

Waspeeter: I mean technically we were on the big screen back then, Mega-sama…!

Megatron: THAT DOESN’T COUNT, WASPEETER! Stupid clip show redubs…! Aaaargh, Megatron out. Beeeeast MODE! -transforms into his transmetal beast mode, and starts roller blading away- Hmph! I’m gonna go start a petition campaign to get me in the sequels of Beast Awakening!

Waspeeter: Aaah, Mega-sama! -transforms and follows- Don’t roller blade in anger, buuun!

Rattle: Pssh, what a drama queen. That being said, I hope I’m in da sequels too… Mebbe a petition ain’t such a bad idea. Beast Mode! -transforms- Time to go grease some palms, nyehehe!

-Beast Wars Metals closing theme HALLELUYAH starts playing as he toddles off-

[pokegalla]

Decided to work on a little chaotic collab with my mutuals.

(Marco belongs to @marco-here

Rebel belongs to @tryslogic

Hero, Lisa, and Bunny belong to me)

@tryslogic and @marco-here

I’m sorry I included you in this chaos- 🤣

They will write the other parts. (Yes there is more-)

Enjoy the chaos✨

A Drink Too Many

“Wanna run that by me again-“ Hero asked.

“I said I want to strengthen the truce between The Star Sanses and Bad Sanses by bringing them closer!” I say with an innocent smile.

Hero pinched his nose ridge, “And to do that…..you want to take them ALL out to drink??? You know this is not going to end well…..I mean in general their teams are already barely getting along. But they are MORTAL ENEMIES. I doubt just a few drinks will-“

“Mi amor? You think too much. And since you also work too much? Take this as an opportunity to unwind for the love of your SANITY-“ I said while pulling him along.

“But I have files to do-! Dammit…..,” Hero ends up getting dragged by me anyway.

And when we go inside the room I rented however?

Utter.

Chaos.

“C’mon ol pal, I know you can go faster than that!” Ink taunted Error.

“I SWEAR IM GONNA FLING YOUR SHORT ASS OUT THE WINDOW-,” Error screeched.

Dream gulps, “H-Hello brother…..”

Nightmare chuckles darkly, “Hello brother…..I see you brought me the golden apple…..”

“Eek-! Brother no! Remember the truce! REMEMBER THE TRUCE-!” Dream had to hide behind Cross.

Let’s not even mention Dust messing with Swap, Killer and Marco pulling pranks, Rebel just either messing around or flirting- so what do I do? Blow horn into a megaphone- everyone stopped and covered their ears or held their heads.

“SIT YO ASSES DOWN-,” I shouted, “God…..listen. Here’s what’s gonna happen. We drink, we have a good time, might get drunk, and we GET. ALONG. You understand me?”

“And if we don’t? We don’t have to you do realize that…..” Nightmare said in a taunting tone. He caught the Chancla I threw at him.

“Don’t get smart with me Jackass! NONE of you are leaving until you’ve had some fun!” I huff.

Ink laughed and wrapped an arm around my shoulders (after standing on his chair to do so-), “Trust me Lisa! We’re having plenty of fun! Ow-!”

I pinch his cheek, “Having fun being a little shit? Yeah I see that.” I grab Error’s cheek too “You two are sitting together until you get along-“

Error wriggled around, “DON’T SIT ME WITH THAT PIECE OF SHIT SQUID-“ I sat them down anyway, “Shit…..” Ink was giggling with his shit eating grin but I bonk him.

“Don’t start yo shit either. And Marco sit with the Murder trio and Cross. No funny business. Rebel don’t start yo shit either or I’m getting Lust and Fresh on yo ass- And Nightmare let your brother sit with you WITHOUT scaring him-! Swap? You will be helping around as well,” I take a deep breath finally, “And waitress? You got drinks? I’ll take your entire stock- We ALL drinking tonight-“

Bunny jumped, “Lisa you can’t handle your alcohol!!!”

“I WILL TONIGHT-,” I stomp away.

XChara sighs, “……We’re gonna have a rough night huh? Watching these idiots.”

“Yup,” Bunny says, “And unfortunately I gotta do it with you.” She walks away, leaving XChara to process that and shout a loud and offended ‘Hey-!’

Some time went by and everyone was finally unwinding. And I was not slowing down in my drinking- some of the guys were already getting drunk.

Ink was hugging me and giggling nonstop, “This really is fuuuuun! Thanks for the idea Lisa!”

I was suddenly yoinked back via wires, Error huffed, “Hands off the chocolate supply!”

Nightmare suddenly slams the table, making us jump as he suddenly yoinked me away with his tentacles, “You fools…..she’s MINE.”

Small squeak of literal fear, “Help meeeeeee-!”

“I-I’ll help!!! Brother please let her go-!” Dream said, prying at the tentacles.

But Nightmare was too drunk to care, having me near him just to piss off Ink and Error and laugh like a maniac. I definitely need more drinks after this- Hero eventually comes around to help, though it was a struggle. I went to get more drinks, running off before the three got me again.

Hero went to check on the others, “Is everyone alright here too? ……I hope-?”

Hopefully Marco and Rebel are doing better.

[lightspren]

also I’m realizing I use this in lieu of actual therapy so most of the time i’m bitching about horrible things so TIME FOR GOOD THINGS

I went out to lunch with a friend - who wasn’t my spouse lmao - for the first time in ages. It was great. will do again sometime.

on that note i made a FRIEND outside the internet. mind boggling. didn’t think i had the skills to do that anymore, thought they’d atrophied to nothing. (imagine lots more enthusiasm here I am trying to keep it toned down a little bit bc friend is Here. but also just imagine all the above that i said coming out of a megaphone in rainbow text and sparkle trails and you’ll have roughly the level of happy im at) (if you see this uh, hello friend! i’m very chill and normal!)

had a nice dinner with my in laws (which they also paid for so +1 to whole experience) and it went well. good for my spouse to get to see them too, since his mom is getting surgery soon on her hand which will limit travel, then I will be getting my surgery which will limit travel, and it’ll be like Sept before we could plan to get together again

my cats seem to be acting healthier and more normal the last couple of days. So even if the fleas are still Around I think they’re dwindling upstairs. 100% still planning on going thru with nuclear warfare aka exterminator, my sanity needs that. But the cats are happier already and when they’re consistently being normal it makes me less scared of them and more willing to interact since they’re probably not a mobile flea palace presently

found out i’ve net deductible and almost met out of pocket with my insurance, so the hysterectomy should only be like $600. which is still way more money than I have but it’s a manageable bill at least.

getting people trained for helping cover me when i’m out is going well. Both the ppl I’m training on halves of my jobs pick it up great. Which really says a lot about them because i SUCK at teaching LOL. Gonna spend the next few weeks reviewing the stuff i’ve already taught them, but i’m Less worried about the clinic going up in smoke while i’m out for a few weeks

my tomato plants are getting huge and i’m so excited. I think i’m gonna have a fuckton of tomatoes, which is what I wanted.

My asthma has been in a phase of largely controlled, which I’m grateful for bc being short of breath when just like. sitting. suuuuuuucks. so bad.

i am still thoroughly enjoying totk, it’s so much fun and makes me very happy.

i think, once we get this flea thing sorted out, I’ll be in a fairly good place. i was already doing some better the past couple days with the cats acting more normal, and with both of us having cleaned the house and not run into mutant swarms of evil flesh eating spider-bug-ants intent on my demise. just gotta get through next week, and hope his treatment can purge them soundly from the basement.

anyway. there’s the rambly positive updates. life goes on etcetc. hugs and kisses bye

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Mozart MKII

Hi-dee ho, who’s in the house?

Kaede, hey! There you are.

How’d the meeting go?

Basically, Shuichi and Kyoko are gonna try and find wherever Zetsubou are camped out. In the meantime, we’re preparing to a siege, and I’ve been made one of the squad captains.

Which is why I’m here. Are you done looking at my spear? ‘Cause I’m gonna need it back.

Huh? Um...yeah, about that.

...

What did you do?

Wh-What’s with that judgmental glare!?

Miu...

Alright, fine! I may have made a couple of...upgrades to it?

I swear to god if you’ve added a vibration function or something.

No...wh-why would I do that? It’s a weapon, not a sex toy?

Miu, it’s you.

Ah yeah fair point.

You’ve got nothing to worry about Kaede. Miu and I worked on it together. I made sure no weird or out of place functions got added.

Mona!

Here it is. Just finished up with it.

What the heck!?

*Kaede retrieves her spear from Mona, only to see the weapon now looks completely different from how it did before.

Made a couple of design changes on top of the modifications. Hope they’re to your taste.

Yeah, this is definitely my color, but...what did you guys DO to it?

Well, after I got to see it in action, I realized something. The fact that you have a spear you can control using electromagnetic contraction is useful in and of itself, but there plenty of other things we can make it to do help you fight better with it.

So Miu and I got to work and gave it a bunch of new features.

See those keys near the head? Those are actual keys that you press to activate each function.

First of all, the mode it’s in right now is Polearm mode. You can activate it by pressing this key.

But if I press THIS key...

*Miu demonstrates, and as she presses the key, the sound of the piano rings out, and the bladed end of the polearm suddenly retracts, and a different mode protrudes.

This one is called Javelin mode. For pokey things!

Wow! So it changes into other kinds of weapons?

Well, it’s still a spear, just...different kinds.

Yeah. We assigned a mode for each key. Polearm mode, Javelin mode, and next is Bludgeon mode.

Bludgeon?

*Miu presses the third key and the sharp, needle-like javelin folds apart to reveal a half-sphere on a piston.

Watch.

*Mona takes the gauntlet and then the spear from Miu. She throws it towards a training dummy in the corner. The spear flies forward and the piston thrusts the tip outwards, leaving a large dent in the dummy. Mona calls the spear back to her.

That’s gonna leave a bruise.

Yeah, if you aim wrong, you might bust a lung or something.

Uh...

That was a joke. Anyway, the next mode is a little special.

*Mona presses the next button. This time, the bumper switches out to a megaphone shape.

What’s this one? Wait, isn’t this...?

Yep. This one is Hacking mode. It gives the weapon the same properties as the Future Foundation hacking guns, like the one’s Komaru Naegi uses. You hold it like this and fire it like a rifle.

It’s got all the same bullets too. We’ve got a list of them, but it might be best to just ask her for any tips on how to use it.

Awesome! And the last mode?

Ah, well...

*Mona presses the last key, which switches the weapon back to the bladed end again. However, this blade is bigger, and is a darker color.

What’s this one?

We didn’t give this one a name, since none of the ideas we came up with really worked. The working title is Kill mode though.

K-Kill mode? And...what does it do?

What do you think it does? The difference between this blade and the regular one is that the regular one doesn’t cut as deeply. In hectic situations like a fight to the death, you can use this one to...you know...

*Mona makes a swiping motion across her neck.

No. Not happening. I’m not gonna use this thing to kill anyone.

I figured you’d say that. To be honest, I only installed it as a precautionary measure.

Aside from the new functions, it’s retained all the old one’s. I’m trying to see if there’s a way you can control it without the big ugly glove, but you’re gonna have to give me more time with it for that.

And there you have it. The Mozart MK2.

Mozart MK2? What happened to the Mozart MK1?

Wasn’t that what it was called before?

I never named it that.

What? But Mii-Yu told me you named it the Mozart!

I never named it that, I just said I wonder if I could use the keys to PLAY Mozart Menuet No.1 K.1.

Still though, Mozart’s a good name for it, so I think I’ll stick with it.

Oh...good...That’s pretty embarrassing. I can never tell what Mii-Yu means literally or figuratively.

Still, this is amazing Mona! I was gone for like...what? A few hours? And you already accomplished all that!?

With Miu helping me, it was a lot easier.

Aw, thanks.

Sounds like you’ve got a good thing going for you Kaede.

*Everyone turns to see Rantaro enter the room.

Rantaro...

Hello Kaede. Apologies, I brought Rantaro here.

Just wanted to deliver a quick message. Shuichi’s headed out now, and he wanted me to let you know that he said bye. 

And that if he doesn’t get back safely, he’s counting on you to come and rescue him.

Well, I owe him that much at least. Thanks.

No problem. I can sense that you’re not exactly welcoming of me right now, so I’ll take my leave for the time being.

Wait just one moment.

*Before Rantaro can leave, Miu stops him.

Yeah? What is it?

...We didn’t get much of a chance to talk when you showed up randomly. I’ve got a question I need to ask.

*Miu, with a stern expression, strides up to Rantaro.

Is it true? That you’re the one who programmed Mii-Yu?

...

...

...

...Yes, that’s right. 

Mii-Yu is from our universe. Me and an old friend created her.

Uh-huh? And when did you create her? What kind of circumstance would lead you to wanting to make a robot?

...When did I do it?

That’s what I asked.

Well...It was actually during the 52nd Killing Game. Me and Mii-Yu’s other creator, Kojima, built her as a joint project during that time.

So Mii-Yu was born during a killing game?

No Mona, she was CREATED during a killing game. “Born” would imply she exists as a result of love.

But this smug asshole doesn’t see her as anything more than a mindless machine.

That’s not really true. Artificial Intelligence still counts as intelligence to me. It’s just not one that can really stand to learn on it’s own.

SHE is far more sophisticated than you give her credit for! Maybe she didn’t know how to learn when you made her, but she’s LEARNED how to learn.

...You seem to have taken quite a liking to her.

Oh, you think? Nah, must be your eyes playing tricks on you.

Regardless, is that your question? You wanted to affirm who, when and how Mii-Yu was built?

No...I want to know WHY she was built...

...!?

*Miu looms close to Rantaro’s face, threateningly.

Miu, please, don’t!

What did you build her for Rantaro? And why are you turning your back on your own creation like this?

What the fuck did you DO to her...!?

...

...

...

...

...

*Rantaro doesn’t respond.

You’re not gonna answer me, are you?

...

...If you crave the answers so much, then I ask that you give me a little bit of time.

It may sound like I’m dodging the question, but I feel like regardless of what answer I give you, your opinion of me will worsen. And I’m well aware that it’s an all time low right now, given the recent revelations.

You don’t have to like me Miu, but I need you to trust me for the time being. I’d rather not answer too many questions while risking that.

...

Fine. To be honest, I don’t HAVE to know the answer. Even if you never tell me, that’s alright too. 

What I care about is Mii-Yu right now, not whatever bullshit she did back when she was with you. 

If you want me to rely on you for the coming future Rantaro, I will. I don’t have much of a choice. But in exchange, I want you to promise ME something.

Oh yeah? What’s that?

*Miu pulls away and points at Rantaro.

You stay the FUCK away from her from now on. If I see you approaching her without my permission, I’m gonna shove a railgun up your ass and fire it.

Miu...

...I don’t have any reason to associate with her from this point on. She’s all yours.

*Rantaro exaunts.

...Fucking ass...! 

[clamsjams]

mia and mia season 2 critique pt 3 under the cut:

i have more to say on the centopia parts of the show than the live action ones, but that makes sense bc it’s the main part of the show and also the live action is giving me nothing to work with

with the centopia segments, every episode so far has just felt so, disjointed, if that makes sense? it’s definitely not helped by that lack of connection to the live action segments. it feels like plot points are kind of happening but also none of them are related to each other? like they came up with a basic plot summary for the episodes and the ideas for a few scenes and then sent it off to be animated without actually writing how they were all going to be relevant to each other

in season 1, the episodes actually like had flow and good pacing, and there was foreshadowing that helped. for example, mia get an oracle abt a bridge, she and yuko go to that bridge, we cut to panthea telling gargona to go to that same place to get unicorns, and we as the audience can put the pieces together, oh there’s going to be a confrontation there. the second season has none of that so far

like in the beginning of the first episode onchao is fighting with his friend ekko (also nice to get more named unicorn characters finally) and then i assumed “oh that will come back later, right? maybe they’ll get in a fight again and onchao will run away bc he’s mad, and then he’s alone and vulnerable” but nope! just doesn’t come up

another thing the first season had is that every episode felt like it had its own self contained plot arc. except for the last 2 episodes, which makes sense as they’re basically a season finale, each episode would have its own individual conflict, and that conflict would be resolved at the end of the episode

but when the first 2 episodes of season 2 ended i was genuinely like “that it?” because there was never really any satisfying conclusion to them. episode 2 kinda tried to have one i think, but the poor pacing made it really unsatisfying

it took the characters 2 episodes to even find out that rixel was a bad guy, despite him being so insanely obvious. u could argue that they’re trying to do a season premiere type thing but it just. didn’t work

the first episode they basically just meet rixel and show him around and then in the second episode they do the same thing, (and the whole time he’s being sketchy as hell abt onchao) then there’s like 3 minutes of the circus show, mia and yuko sneak backstage for like half of that and mo comes to the conclusion that rixel is hypnotizing the animals into performing despite the fact that the only thing rixel is doing is yelling at them through a megaphone, and like seriously what was up with that? they couldn’t have animated like a glow effect or something? some kind of magic sparkle? or if it’s hypnotism, why not give him one of those like rings on a string they use?? also why is he hypnotizing them on stage in the first place?? why not have him hypnotizing them backstage and have yuko and mia see him when they sneak in??? also is this “hypnosis” ever gonna come up again or is it just a one time thing for this episode?

anyways yeah then mo starts booing and everyone else boos for some reason despite the fact that he only told like 3 other ppl abt the hypnosis thing, rixel runs away, there’s like half a second of confrontation where mia and yuko lock him in a cage and release all the animals, and that’s it. also gargona was there too but her contributions were so insignificant and irrelevant that i couldn’t be bothered to mention them. it’s a mess. i think a big reason for why that is, is because of the way they handled rixels character, but the rest of the characters aren’t great either

i think i’m gonna need to make a 4th post abt that

[makeste]

BnHA 323: “I Don’t Know How to Explain to You That You Should Care About Other People”

Previously on BnHA: Kacchan was all, “Izuku, I’m sorry.” Bakugou Stans were all, “[sobs for a week straight and tearfully awards him the Nobel Prize for character development].” Deku was all, “[faints in Kacchan’s arms].” Iida was all, “[trying to decide if Ochako genuinely tried to kill him a few minutes ago].” Horikoshi was all, “NO TIME FOR HUGS WE MUST GET BACK TO UA.” The civilians holed up at U.A. were all, “WE TOOK A VOTE AND DECIDED THAT WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE JERKS ABOUT THIS AND MAKE A BIG FUSS ABOUT YOU LETTING DEKU BACK INTO THE SCHOOL.” Deku was all “[stands there looking like he expected nothing less and breaking my heart more and more with each passing moment].” Ochako was all, “that does it, looks like I’m gonna have to do something about this... next chapter, that is.”

Today on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal is all “I just want you all to know that I spent nine million dollars turning U.A. into a giant Battleship-style grid that can burrow underground and zoom around in a giant subway maze because Horikoshi lacks a grounded understanding of both civil engineering and economics.” Back in the present day, Jeanist is all, “EVERYONE TAKE HEED, MY COMRADES AND I HAVE DEEMED IT EXPEDIENT TO CONVEY THIS AUSPICIOUS YOUTH BACK TO THIS STRONGHOLD. WE ANTICIPATE THAT WE MAY DEPEND UPON YOUR GOODWILL AND ACQUIESCENCE TO THESE TERMS.” The civilians were all, “NO.” Ochako was all, “EMPATHY, MOTHERFUCKERS, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!” The civilians were all, “oh shit.” Anyway so Ochako is a giant badass, but I’m a little worried that she’s going to get struck by lightning. Please come down from there.

so before we start this chapter, I would just like to apologize for having not posted the ch 321 recap yet, and would like to reassure everyone, and especially Iida who is staring at me with Sad Wobbly Guilt Trip Eyes, that I will get to that as soon as I can

OMG FLASHBACK??

yes please Horikoshi please show us more of class 1-A and their Deku intervention strategy jam sessions

oh dear

Iida you are too pure and good for this cruel world. [sprays the U.A. civilians with a water bottle] NO. BAD CIVILIANS! NO OSTRACIZING SCARED AND EXHAUSTED CHILDREN IN THE HOUSE

EXCUSE ME RAT PRINCIPAL WHAT’S WITH THESE MIXED MESSAGES

???

RAT PRINCIPAL: he’s free to return to us at any time!!

ALSO RAT PRINCIPAL: but it’s too risky for him to return to us

?? ??????? ?????????????????????

so now he’s going on about how strong the U.A. Barrier is, and how it’s comparable to the defensive capabilities of Tartarus. this would have sounded a lot more impressive before chapter 297 lol

OH!!!! HELLO, WHAT’S THIS!!!

A TIMELY CALLBACK TO A CERTAIN MYSTERIOUS EVENT WHICH HASN’T BEEN REFERENCED SINCE USJ? [U.A. TRAITOR MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

so now Rat Principal says he upgraded U.A.’s security systems with his own “modifications”, whatever the fuck that means. I mean look, I’ve been saying for a long time now that U.A. is the best place for everyone to hole up, don’t get me wrong. but that was mostly on account of there not being any other practical alternatives. but you’re making it sound like you figured out a way to actually make it Decay-proof or some wild shit like that

-- hold up, DID YOU ADD A FORCE FIELD. DID YOU TRICK THIS SCHOOL OUT WAKANDA-STYLE YOU CRAZY MARSUPIAL. HOLY SHIT. because that would actually be perfect

LMAO

WHAT KIND OF GALAXY BRAIN BULLSHIT. “NAH THERE’S NO NEED FOR A FORCE FIELD, LET’S JUST PUT WHEELS ON IT”

oh okay so the whole campus is basically capable of burrowing itself underground. that’s insane lol I wonder how they pulled that off. probably got poor Cementoss working overtime

blah blah blah so basically the entire campus is split into a grid and each section of the grid is capable of its own independent movement. lol this is just the Merone Base from KHR. you thought no one would notice this casual plagiarism ten years after the fact, but YOU UNDERESTIMATED YOUR AUDIENCE, HORIKOSHI

“joke’s on you imma just lampshade it” WELL ALL RIGHT THEN

“look at me I’m so fucking self-aware” fucking swear to god. I can’t believe this man is my favorite mangaka of all time smdh

“excuse me, I wasn’t finished describing all the rest of this bullshit yet,” Rat Principal breaks in impatiently. “we also added a steel wall all around the underground of the campus that’s 3000 steel plates thick. that’s fifteen fucking meters of solid fucking steel just fyi. and if anyone fucks around with any part of it the defense system will activate immediately! and also all of the plates are independently motorized, whatever the fuck that means!! in conclusion you’re gonna need a fucking tower crane to suspend all of your disbelief by the time I’m through with this paragraph”

“also Shiketsu is almost as reinforced as U.A. but not quite because we still had to make sure we were better.” but of course. and apparently the two schools are connected via a secret tunnel as Hagakure mentioned earlier

LSDKFJLSDKJFLK

“WAIT WHAT” LMAO YOU HEARD HIM, NOW INASA CAN VISIT YOU BOTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE WEIRD DREAM HE HAD. GOD BLESS YOU HORIKOSHI

(ETA: moment of appreciation for Shouto and Katsuki having the same thought at the same time and making Knowing Eye Contact and saying the exact same thing out loud in perfect unison like the best friends they are. what a blessed day.)

so Tokoyami is all “but wait if you engineered all this shit all the way back during the Band arc how did you even know that Tomura’s quirk awakening would become a thing, Horikoshi -- uh, I mean, Principal Nezu”

and Rat Principal is all “lol idk”

“basically I just woke up one morning and was all ‘say, you know what this school really needs? a fifteen-meter-thick underground steel wall, and the ability to break up into little pieces that individually zoom around wherever the fuck they want.’ jesus christ. lol if money and common sense were apparently no obstacle why didn’t you just teleport U.A. to the fucking moon or something. maybe I should shut up before I given him any ideas

dsfaelkjldkjgl

you heard it here first, folks, all of this cost a grand total of nine million U.S. dollars. well technically it cost “more than” nine million dollars. never has that distinction been more important lmao. are we sure this barrier was really made of steel and not cardboard? who the hell sold it to them, Ea-Nasir??

this is my favorite manga series of all time. yes I am ashamed

“in conclusion please do your best to reach Deku-kun” SO WHAT WAS ALL THAT NONSENSE ABOUT IT BEING TOO RISKY THEN. anyway thank you for this super informative and edifying flashback, Horikoshi. I will cherish it always. I don’t even want to read another translation of this absurdity lmao, there’s something special about it just the way it is. pretty sure Horikoshi just had a cracked out fever dream one night and transferred it to the pages of the manga verbatim

anyway so back to the unruly mob

not their finest moment. please excuse me while I cover poor Deku’s ears and give him a good shoosh pap

oh wow the parents are out here too

is Mitsuki trying to hold Inko back?? that’s the last thing this fandom needs right now is more Mitsuki discourse fffwlkjs. and even Jiroudad, scientifically proven to be the best dad in all of BnHA, is just standing there silently looking vaguely unhappy. way to rise to the moment you guys

MONOMA

so this settles it for me that Aizawa is not at UA. I know a lot of people have been wondering about his whereabouts, and if I had to wager a guess it would be that something happened with Shirakumo/Kurogiri. I can’t think of anything else -- even the loss of an eye and a limb -- that would keep him from his kids at a time like this

anyway but this is excellent Monoma content right here though. I love that he apparently adopted Eri after a single interaction with her. also WHERE IS SHINSOU DAMMIT. THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW

and Kouta’s there too looking like he wants to run over to Deku but Ragdoll won’t let him :/

it’s gotta be pretty upsetting for him to see his hero like this and not having anyone stand up for him. [taps megaphone] IS THIS THING ON. OKAY YEAH IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING. AHEM. PAGING URARAKA OCHAKO. GONNA NEED YOU TO GET OVER HERE ALREADY AND MAKE THAT BIG DRAMATIC SPEECH WHICH YOU ARE CLEARLY DYING TO MAKE. IF YOU DON’T DO IT SOON I’M GONNA HAVE TO STEP IN, AND YOU REALLY DON’T WANT ME TO DO THAT SINCE MY SPEECH WILL NOT BE VERY GOOD OR INSPIRING, AND WILL PROBABLY JUST CONSIST OF “HELLO, YOU ARE ALL STUPID, PLEASE SHUT UP AND GO AWAY”

so now Mic is telling them to calm down. at least someone’s speaking up here, geez

OH MY GOD

MY MAN JEANIST OUT HERE DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST: MAKING EVERYONE FEEL GUILTY AND JUDGED

OH MY GOD HE IS GIVING SUCH A LONG AND BORING SPEECH LMAO IS YOUR STRATEGY TO PUT THEM ALL TO SLEEP OR WHAT

truly in awe of this man’s ability to take messages which could easily be conveyed in ELI5-speak, and stubbornly convert them into incomprehensible language the likes of which you need a graduate degree in order to understand

“hey guys, so originally our plan was to use Deku as bait for the villains, but that didn’t really work and also we realized it was kinda dumb and was probably gonna get him killed, so we brought him back here instead.” was that really so hard, Jeanist. also are we all really just gonna sit back here and watch Jeanist take full credit for Bakugou’s plan just like that lmao

(ETA:

WHERE DID ENDEAVOR GO AND WHO IS THIS DIABOLICAL MASTER OF DISGUISE. lol I genuinely didn’t notice this because I was too busy digging through thesauruses trying to rewrite Jeanist’s speech; many thanks to @class1akids​ for pointing it out and making my day immeasurably better. take it easy there Dick Tracy.)

“anyway so please stop being dicks and let him fucking rest so he can save all your ungrateful asses” what an impassioned and inspiring plea. time to see if the masses will listen to reason

narrator: they did not listen to reason

oh my god finally Ochako is doing something. YEAH OCHAKO WOOOO SHOW THEM HOW IT’S DONE

hmm

this entire chapter is truly and utterly nonsensical to me lol

(ETA: on my second readthrough I’m fucking dying at how she stole the megaphone right out of Mic’s hand lmao. and how Kacchan is all “fuck yeah nothing I appreciate more than some quality fucking larceny.”)

oh I see she was jumping on top of the main building so as to scream down at them all more impressively

“ANYWAY DEKU IS PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY, YOU GUYS ARE JUST MEAN��� couldn’t have said it better myself Ochako

lol uh

gotta say I did not have “Ochako reveals the secret of OFA to the entire U.A. Citizen Clown Parade” on my bingo card for this week. it’s a bold strategy cotton let’s see if it pays off

SDLFKJSL

“NO, SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU LOOKED AT HIM YOU GUYS. YOU THINK HE LIKES RUNNING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A RUSTED OIL DRUM?? HE DID THAT FOR YOU YOU UNGRATEFUL SLOBS”

so she is basically explaining the entire Deku Angst arc to them and explaining what a good and selfless protagonist Deku is, YES, PREACH

OMG IT’S THE GIGANTIC FOX LADY

not to insinuate anything, but what exactly were you doing standing out here with the hysterical mob, Gigantic Fox Lady? you’re better than that

-- KACCHAN SIGHTING!!

sdlkfjl. thanks for weighing in with that helpful and important observation. where have you been for the last five minutes. were you asleep. was it Jeanist’s speech

never mind, now he’s yelling at the civilians so I instantly forgive him

THE FUTURE NUMBER ONE HERO, EVERYONE. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. HE’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK

“anyway so I’m just going to end the chapter here” lmao seventeen pages truly do go by so fast. at least he didn’t try to force in a cliffhanger at the end this time. dare I say, growth

so I guess the civilians are either gonna have a Kamino and/or Fukuoka-esque moment where they remember how to be decent people and apologize to this poor young man, or else they’ll remain unpersuaded, and so Kacchan will have to knock a few of their heads around until they become more inclined to be reasonable. either option is fine by me lol

[wri0thesley]

A Well Rounded Education (4): Equality Statement (Fem!Reader x Naoya Zenin, 7.5k)

series synopsis: you are a teacher’s aid to teacher Gojo Satoru, training to be able to take over your own class next year by shadowing and helping him out. gojo, unfortunately, does not make things easy for anybody.

chapter synopsis: you make the mistake of crossing naoya zenin at a sports festival and are forced to apologise. but as you well know by now, nothing ever seems to go to plan where any of your student’s fathers are concerned. 

NSFW. MINORS DNI. AFAB reader, fem pronouns. misogyny, weird power dynamics, hate-sex, piv sex, blowjobs. naoya.  

(a well rounded education m.list and navigation)   ♡  (jujutsu kaisen masterlist)

1.

The Saturday morning that your first ever undokai is scheduled for dawns bright and early, and you can’t help the little thrill that goes through you at the golden fingers of dawn lighting up your room. There’d been talk of the weekend bringing rain, and things needing to be rescheduled – but it’s perfect weather, as you put on a comfortable tank top and shorts instead of your neat pencil skirt and suit jacket combination.

This will be your first event of the kind, and you’re excited about it. The kids in the class have been practising all of their cheers and routines and the like constantly, whilst the ones involved in the competitive sports have been cheering one another on and snatching time when they can to race against one another in preparation. It’s been nice to see all of the camaraderie between them – even some of the quieter ones have seemed to come a little bit out of their shell, with so much team spirit in the air.

Well. Most of them have. You’ve noticed Junpei still hanging back, face sad, uncomfortable when other boys crowd him and tug him off to who knows where – probably to get him involved in their own practises or rehearsals.

It’s been long and hard preparing for it, but even Gojo has been focused on something for once.

“There’s just something about events like this!” Gojo chirped to you, once, as he’d held up a megaphone he did not really need and called his class back into formation in front of him. “You know! The joy of youth! I want them to have the best time possible! They deserve it.”

Seeing Gojo’s mischievous eyes sparkle with determination instead of humour had made you smile at him, and you’d felt a strange pull in your chest when he’d smiled back, needing to pull your gaze away to ask Yuuji to stop poking Megumi in the back to get him to look at a weird caterpillar he’d found on the ground.

As a junior high undokai, things are a little more competitive than they might be if this were an elementary school or even a middle school event, but there’s still a big emphasis on the teamwork and the cheering on portion of the day. You’ve watched and applauded what feels like a hundred practises for the cheering section, confiscating whistles when they’re sneakily blown whilst you’re trying to teach a mathematics lesson.

Still, you’re not surprised to see that Gojo’s class have been corralled into his classroom whilst your vivacious teacher and mentor gives them a rallying encouragement that seems to contain a lot of bigging up the fact that they are, in fact, his class.

“I thought the pep talk was for them,” you say, as heads turn to you when you walk into the room. It’s strange to see all of the faces dressed in their gym uniforms instead of their school uniforms – and it’s even stranger to be wearing an approximation of it yourself.

“You look nice!” Yuji pipes up, and you smile at him.

“It is for them,” Gojo brings a hand to his sunglasses to push them down a little, giving you a charming smile and the full force of the galaxies swirling in his eyes. “I’m just reminding them that as Satoru Gojo’s class, of course they’re going to do well! We’re going to be the strongest, and win!” He looks at all of them – bright shining faces turned to him, all lit up with the excitement of competition. There’s something in him that you rarely see right now – something encouraging and bright and compassionate. He genuinely seems to want them to do well. “I believe in all of you!”

The warmth spreading through your chest at Gojo’s words is a new experience. You’re far more used to exasperation and frustration where he’s concerned.

But now, you can’t help the infectious smiles of the children and the determination in their face to do well enough for everyone to be proud of. Maybe Gojo isn’t so bad after all, you think, as he bids the children in the class farewell and tells them to go and join everyone else outside in preparation for the day’s events.

“What d’you think?” He asks you, as Junpei leaves the room, still dragging his feet a little. You can’t blame him. He’s involved in the cheering section, as so many of the less athletic kids are, but the undokai is not optional and you think that Junpei is the kind of boy who hates being looked at. “Are we gonna win?”

“I don’t think that’s quite the point of the exercise,” you say, eventually. “We’re supposed to be fostering team spirit and co-operation--”

“Yeah,” Gojo wrinkles his nose and grins. “But we’re still gonna win, right?”

You sigh.

“With Yuji and Maki? Probably. But that’s not the point!”

Gojo stands up and stretches his arms out above him. He’s in a shirt that clings tight to a surprisingly muscled abdomen,  and dark grey sweatpants. He’s never been the ‘formal wear’ kind of teacher, but it’s still jarring to see him dressed so casually – and even more jarring to realise that he’s handsome, despite the fact you’ve spent most of the last few months rolling your eyes and sighing and cursing the world that you’ve ended up having to endure Satoru Gojo so much.

“I know, I know – but it’s nice to think about, right?” His grin is infectious. “Did you have time to have breakfast this morning? I know it’s an earlier start than usual, I’ve got a spare blueberry muffin in my bag – hope it didn’t get crushed too badly by my stretches--”

“I’m fine,” you tell him, already dreading the idea of him pressing a crumbled muffin into your hand. “I had a healthy, nutritious breakfast.”

“So did I!” He says, hotly. “The blueberry muffin had fruit in it, croissants are glazed with egg so that’s protein, and I had a slice of honey on toast too just because I felt like I’d have to keep my energy up today--”

You are constantly impressed by how he manages to consume all of this sugar without going into overdrive – then again, maybe that does explain a lot about him.

“I don’t really know what I’m supposed to be doing today,” you admit to him. “I mean, I know I’m here to cheer on the kids and stuff, but I don’t know what my role’s supposed to be--”

“Oh!” He comes around and begins to walk out of the classroom, beckoning you to follow him. “Didn’t I tell you? They told me ages ago--” He did not tell you. You don’t know why you find this a surprise. “You’re gonna be in charge of the refreshments table for the first half of the morning – Yuta, you know, the other teacher’s aid, he’ll relieve you for the second half so you can cheer us on and help me a bit. Not that I’ll need it! It’s not a hard job, just be polite to anyone who needs to use it, most of ‘em bring their own lunches and snacks but we find that it’s always good to have a table with some extras – especially when it’s so hot outside!”

“You didn’t,” you say, but you follow him anyway. You have learnt by now that the most you’ll get from Gojo is a shrug and an airy ‘sorry’. And you suppose, in the grand scheme of things, this isn’t so bad. It’s not like you needed to have time to stop and prepare yourself to give people a polite smile and ask them if they’d like you to pour them a glass of water.

The two of you spill out into the grounds of the school, which is already full of excited students and proud parents. You recognise a few of them – your face heats up as you see Nanami forcibly pressing a bottle of sunscreen into Yuji’s hands, and as the two of you walk past Geto who is tying back Mimiko and Nanako’s hair, ensuring the team hats that the students are all wearing sit neatly on their heads.

There’s a man stood with Maki and Mai who you assume is their father; a blond with a sneering face and a presence that makes you feel like you shouldn’t even be looking at him. Maki has her arms crossed, her chin jutting forward – the two of them are clearly involved in some kind of argument. Even as you watch, some other men are walking towards him with their heads bowed, like he’s something special.

You vaguely recall that you’ve heard some tell about the Zenins being a very rich, very old, very respected family. Judging from the way he carries himself and the way people keep looking at him, you think that must be it.

“Is that Maki and Mai’s dad?” You ask, curiously, as you’re pushed past him towards a collection of tables beneath a bright yellow awning. Gojo makes a noise that sounds like a sigh.

“Yep,” he says, sounding short. There’s some kind of history there, you think. “That’s Naoya Zenin. Better for you to avoid him, if you can – he’s not the kind of guy you want to cross, y’know?”

“But Maki’s--”

“Absolutely nothing like him,” Gojo deposits you in front of a table heaped with water jugs, ice cubes and plastic cups. “Really.”

You wrinkle your nose as you look around. At least everyone else seems happy – excited, buzzing with energy and the promise of an exciting day ahead. You can’t help but worry about Maki’s expression, though. She had looked like her and her father were having an argument that had been going on for months--

Gojo waves at you as he jogs across the field, moving surprisingly quickly for a man who ate nothing but sugar for his breakfast. You watch him go, unable to stop a smile forming on your face as he pauses by Maki and Mai. He slaps a hand onto Maki’s shoulder and says something with a bright grin that she seems to respond to with a smile, turning to follow him. Her father’s eyes narrow, as he spits something that even you can work out is venomous at the retreating backs of one of his daughters. He sighs as he says something else to Mai, a smile almost tugging at the corners of his mouth as his attention shifts back to her.

It’s clear who the golden child is there, then.

You try and shake your thoughts away from Naoya Zenin and his two girls and concentrate on the place that you’ve been given, reminding yourself that even if it doesn’t seem like a big role, you all have to work hard to make sure that today is a success. Your students have been practising and getting excited for this event for weeks, and you want all of the parents to be as proud of their students as you are.

You have a good view from the refreshments table of everything that’s going on. You watch a few of the races, a few cheering displays from the other classes to the beat of the drums – and when kids run up to you, sweaty and panting, you hand them a plastic cup full of cool water and they thank you as if you harvested it from a spring yourself instead of merely pouring it out.

Some parents ask you politely who you are, and you tell them with a smile and a bright look, hoping that you being friendly and polite will get back to other people. A few of them exchange looks when they hear that you’re attached to Gojo’s class; the man has a reputation that follows him everywhere. You give out oranges and other pieces of fruit to some of the students who need an extra sugar boost, or the ones who have a bandage wrapped around their knee or grazes from falls that have recently been cleaned. Shoko is busy today, and you often see her direct these injured children to you as a rest stop, and so their parents can find them easily.

You pause for a moment as the names are called for a relay race, and you hear Maki and Mai being summoned. This is the first race that they’re taking part in – if their team wins this one, they’ll qualify for the final this afternoon. You can see Gojo lifting his arms and hollering and hear his loud, excited voice even with all of the other people crowding into the school grounds to watch, and despite yourself you feel a smile spread over your face.

You’re still smiling when you hear a scoff.

You turn around to see what the fuss is – only to see Naoya Zenin, holding a plastic cup of water as if it’s offended him mortally. Seeing you looking at him, his lip curls.

“Is this tap water?” He asks you. He has a curious accent; slow, drawling, and clearly much superior to your own. It’s not an accent that Maki and Mai have inherited – and as he raises one eyebrow, the sun catching the rings in his ears, you find yourself glad of it. “Well?”

“I think so,” you say. You are on edge. He peers into it, and sighs.

“Don’t you have anything better? Cell-gen or Tennensui or even I LOHAS, at least?” He speaks to you slowly, like you’re a child, or as if he’s not sure whether a peasant like you would even know the names of any bottled water brands. You can’t stand being talked down to, and you curl your hand into a fist as you say, trying to keep yourself polite;

“I’m sorry, Sir. There’s just this.”

“You’d think with the money pumped in-- fine.” He sighs, taking a sip of the water, his face scrunching in displeasure at – you don’t know. The disgusting taste of tap water, you suppose. You try not to look at the bob of his throat as he swallows. Everything about this man seems to be unpleasant except the way he looks.

You take your own cup of water, just to quell some of the dryness that has made itself known in your throat at interacting with him.

The cheering gets a little quieter, and you turn to see what’s happened. As it turns out, all that’s actually happened is Gojo has stopped putting forth his own shouts to the fray, his eyes focussed on you and Naoya, a look that you think is almost sympathy spread across his face. You see that the race is about to begin, and you don’t look at Naoya as you say;

“You’re Maki and Mai’s father, aren’t you? Their first race is about to start. Maki’s been training really hard, I think she’ll pip it for us—”

A dark presence at your shoulder, and a sneering, uppity drawl.

“I gather you’re the teaching aid I’ve been hearing so much about from everyone.” he says. It does not sound like a compliment. “Maki has really found you . . . encouraging.” He says it like it’s a dirty word.

You force yourself to remain cheerful, and not ask him what the fuck his problem is.

“Maki’s really talented,” you say. “Mai’s fast, too – they’re both really good representatives for the class--”

Naoya snorts.

“They should be on the sidelines,” he says, coolly. “Supporting the men. Not running. Not getting all sweaty and hot and messing up their hair and their pretty faces.” He shakes his head. “It’s unwomanly, and if Maki listened to a word I’d said, she wouldn’t be doing it.”

“Mai is doing it too,” you point out, hating yourself for getting involved in this. But you just can’t let him stand there and be such an asshole, spewing his narrow-minded ideas when there are impressionable girls around.

“Mai’s already agreed that if they win this race, she’ll ask one of the boys to switch in for her. I’ve sorted it with the principal. It’s not ladylike for her to do any more than she has to. She’s not going to get a husband in good standing based on her athletic prowess--”

Oh, this is too far. You’re seething, though you’re trying to keep your respectable face on. You’re at work, you’re at work, you’re at work--

“Perhaps there are some other things they consider more important than finding a husband, at the age of twelve?”

Naoya’s laugh is nasty, mocking – and you hate that there’s something in it that sends a curl of heat right through you, blooming between your thighs.

“The younger a girl learns her place,” he says, his voice very slow. “The better it is and easier it is for a man to be assured she’ll do her duties. I don’t see a ring on your finger, Miss – I’d hate for them to end up working some dead-end little job just because they don’t have anyone to cook and clean for--”

Nope.

You can’t take it any longer.

You turn and you throw the cup of ‘shitty tap water’ in your hand right over Naoya Zenin’s stupid, smug, asshole face.

2.

Gojo, for what you think must be one of the first time in his life, looks uncomfortable.

“I didn’t know you were going to throw water on him,” he tries to say, weakly. “Look, we all hate him, but . . . ugh. This is so frustrating! I hate all of this bureaucracy bullshit--”

It turns out that Naoya Zenin’s family – and Naoya Zenin himself – donate rather a lot of money to the school for such functions as the one you’re all currently attending. It turns out that nobody wants to piss off the bank-roll that’s keeping their gym maintained, their events fancy and expensive, the library well-stocked – and you get that! You really do! You know that school budgets are overstretched already, and that donors like the Zenin family are something to be gently courted and kept around for as long as humanly possible.

You just wish that the big donor for this school was anybody else.

“I didn’t know all of this,” you say, reasonably. “I know I shouldn’t have thrown a drink over him, but Mr. Gojo--”

“How many times? You can call me Satoru.”

“If you’d heard the way he was talking--”

“Oh, believe me,” Gojo’s full lips press into a thin line. “I know exactly what Naoya Zenin’s modus operandi is. Let me guess: he was all on at you about how Maki’s not a proper young lady, how the boys should be doing the hard work, how he’s trying to make sure his daughters get a proper start and a rich husband – ugh.” Gojo tugs at his shirt, clearly frustrated. “I’ve had it way too much.”

“Yeah,” you say. You find yourself sighing too.

“The Vice Principal’s in his back pocket,” Gojo says, taking a seat on top of the desk that you’re currently sat behind, cooling off some of your anger – Principal Masamichi had sent you inside to calm you down, and Naoya himself had been escorted into the building by Vice Principal Gakuganji to dry off, all the while saying placating things to calm down the school’s meal ticket. “They want you to apologise to him.”

“I suppose I should,” you say miserably. “But it’s gonna feel like swallowing gravel.”

“I certainly don’t blame you,” Gojo says, with a smile, trying to cheer you up. “Hell, I know some of the other staff members have been dying to do it--”

“Ugh,” you bury your face in your hands. “This is a horrible impression in front of the whole school.”

He pats you gently on the shoulder.

“Hey,” he says, “when this is all over, I’ll take you out for ice cream. I know the best places in the city, and they all know me too!”

You summon a smile for him. He’s not so bad, really – sure, he’s chaotic and thinks too highly of himself for his own good, but . . . at least he’s nothing like Naoya. You stand up and pull down your shorts, wriggling your tank top down to cover you as much as you possibly can. You feel a bit exposed, not in heels and stockings and a blouse.

“I should get this over with, then.”

Gojo has too much to do back on the field to escort you to Naoya himself, so he tells you that Naoya’s in the Vice Principal’s office and gives you another friendly squeeze on the shoulder.

“Good luck,” he tells you. “Remember: ice cream at the end of this!”

“Ice cream at the end of this,” you repeat, as you watch him jog out of the corridor. You’re almost tempted to tell him off for running in the halls – Gojo moves so fast that sometimes you lose track of him entirely – but you push back the urge. Gojo is being decent today. You’re thankful to him for sitting with you and helping you calm – and also, evidently, for being one of the things that keeps Maki’s fighting spirit inflamed.

You stand there for a moment, in front of the door to the office, balling up your courage tight and hot in your stomach. You do not want to have to apologise to Naoya, but you know it’s for the best. The sooner you can put this sorry incident behind you and try and avoid Naoya at every single function from herein, the better – so you tap hard on the door and wait until you hear his slow, drawling voice.

“You can come in.”

At first, you’re surprised to see that he’s alone in there – sitting in front of the desk in a comfortable chair, clearly at ease with everything. His arms are sprawled over the back of it, his legs wide apart. You chastise yourself for thinking it immediately – of course the vice principal is busy right now, of course he trusts someone as well-known to the school as Naoya to be alone in his office.

It’s hard not to think about every other time you’ve found yourself alone with the parents of your students, though. A heat crawls onto your face at the very thought of it. You find Naoya repellent, disgusting – but then again, he’s also (and you’re not being glib about it) handsome. You’d be lying if you’d said you sometimes hadn’t ignored a man’s personality for a night in favour of a face and a body that had drawn you in.

Not now.

You close the door behind you, clasping your hands together so you don’t clench your fists, and bow your head so that Naoya can’t tell that you’re grinding your teeth.

“I’m sorry for letting my emotions get the better of me, Sir,” you say, though it really does feel like you are gnashing ice to get the words out. “I should have been more polite. I can assure you it won’t happen again.”

“Mmm,” Naoya says, and you peek up at him through your lashes to see that he’s clearly enjoying having you at his mercy, his lips tilted into a smirk. His hair is still a little wet at the ends, but all that you throwing the water over him seems to have actually done is made his shirt cling tight to a surprisingly chiselled chest and stomach. Asshole. Fuck him. “Yes. I should hope not.”

You straighten yourself up, still a little stiff.

“I hope you can forgive me,” you say. “I . . . I am still learning my place in the establishment.”

He laughs, low and soft.

“Your place?” He asks, the words dangerously sweet on his tongue. “Yes. I can see you still need some help on that one.”

His eyes crawl over you slowly, dragging up and down the length of you, lingering over where your shorts cling to your hips and the tank top hugs your chest. You resist the urge to shift – you don’t want to let him know that he’s making you uncomfortable. You know, though, that he can sense that you have gone hot and prickly all over. He has that smug air; the one men who know what they do to people always seem to have cultivated. The knowledge that they are good-looking.

You suppose for Naoya, it’s the heady combination of knowing he is good-looking and powerful and rich, and you breathe through the force of all of his attention concentrated on you.

“Seeing as you’re still . . . new to all of this,” he says, bringing an arm forward to tap his long fingers on the desk. “And you did apologise prettily, I suppose I can forgive this transgression – just this once, darling.”

The pet name crawls up your spine like ice. He’s still staring at you, enjoying the view like you’re a piece of meat on a market stall he’s considering purchasing.

“Th-thank you, Sir,” you say, hating yourself a little bit but hating him all the more.

“You know,” he says. “You’re not exactly bad-looking.” He stands, rising to his full height, stretching out, frustratingly comfortable in this environment when you feel like a deer who’s about to turn tail and flee at any moment. “You’d be much better off at home raising children than here.” He wrinkles his nose. “Working for a living.” The way that he says the words makes it clear that he considers this a task far beneath the likes of him.

He’s moving towards you now, and your breath seems to get stuck in your throat as he’s suddenly in front of you, stalking elegantly. You want to snap back something about how you’d rather work for a living than have to rely on the whims of a man, much less a man like him – but as he grabs your chin to tilt it up to the light, you find that the words seem to die in your throat.

“Hmm,” he says. “Not bad at all.” He makes an approving noise that sends a flutter right through you, making you dully aware of a pounding ache between your thighs. He leans a little further in, until he’s so close that you can see the pale colours dancing in his eyes, the way the light hits his high cheekbones. “You’re trembling with rage, you know. It’s adorable.”

“You’re very easy to be angry at,” you half-breathe, half-hiss, and Naoya’s smirk is going to be burnt into your memory forever and ever.

“If you’re so angry,” he murmurs, “I can certainly think of a way I wouldn’t mind helping you work out your aggression.”

You shouldn’t do it. But your heart is beating a frantic rhythm against your ribcage and your breath is short, and part of you wants to wrestle him to the ground and dominate him so that he can have a taste of his own medicine. You grab a handful of his hair and drag him down into a bruising kiss.

3.

Oh, and he kisses back. His mouth is soft against yours, but the kiss itself is rough – both of your tongues fighting for dominance, both of you trying to nip at one another’s bottom lip and seize the victory. You’re practically shoved backwards so that your ass catches the edge of the Vice Principal’s desk, even as you tug hard on Naoya’s hair to tell him that you’re not going to be overpowered by him so easily. You feel the feral curve of his grin as he pulls back just enough to whisper;

“Oh? You really think you’re going to get the better of me? You’re cute--” and then you push his shoulders hard, and he stumbles and falls back onto the chair he started this whole escapade sat in. You reach down to tug off your shirt, dropping it onto the floor beside you – Naoya looks for a moment like he’s going to stand back up and resume trying to wrest back the situation into his favour, but as he sees the slight bounce of your breasts in your bra he seems to decide it would be more interesting and beneficial for him to stay exactly where he is and watch you disrobe.

So you do, wriggling your shorts down past your hips – he lets out a low groan at that, as you stand before him in nothing but your underwear with your fists clenched on your hips.

You feel surprisingly powerful like this. It definitely makes a difference from all of the other ways you’ve felt when you’ve been alone with somebody’s father--

“Take off your shirt,” you tell him, and you’re almost surprised at the imperious tone in your own voice. “It’s your turn--”

He raises an eyebrow at you, but he does as you ask. Long fingers curling around the hem of his shirt, taking his sweet time pulling it off his body – and yes, it’s a nice one. Nice, too, are his thighs as he undoes his trousers that probably cost more than you make in a year and pushes them down, sitting before you in nothing but his equally as expensive-looking underwear – an impressive looking bulge outline pressed against the fabric. Even as he looks at you, he takes hold of himself through it and squeezes it, his grin crooked.

Your body does a throb of need.

“Oh,” you say, feigning surprise. “I didn’t realise you were so needy already--”

“Like you’re not dripping,” he says sharply, his eyes zeroing in on the space between your thighs. “Don’t flatter yourself. I can see the damp patch from here.”

“Who’s to say that’s for you?” You walk towards him. You can’t help but feel powerful and in control at how his eyes follow you with rapt attention, how his tongue darts out to swipe across his bottom lip as he drinks in your form in front of him.

“Please,” he says. “As if there’s anyone here more deserving.”

He reaches forward and his hands settle on your hips, dragging you closer to him – hot fingertips brushing your waist, the bare skin beneath your bra before he’s unclipping that too and your breasts are bare. He breathes in deeply.

“Pity,” he says, though his voice is thick with his own arousal. “You’re such a cute little thing, if only you didn’t open your mouth--”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t mind me opening my mouth to do something else,” you breathe, and you reach down to ghost your fingers over his cock through the tent in his underwear. He hisses through his teeth, his eyes half-lidded.

“Don’t just say it, princess,” he says. “If you’re going to run your mouth, the least you could do is make it do something useful--”

“I’d rather die than get on my knees for you.” Your mouth is very close to his neck – to punctuate the statement, you give his earlobe a tug with your teeth, and he practically groans. You’re almost straddling him on the chair, and you do not miss, either, the twitch that his cock seems to give at the tug.

It seems like for somebody who really wants to be in control, and wants women to know their place so badly, Naoya actually is rather enjoying somebody giving him a taste of his own medicine.

He grabs your underwear and pulls it down, clicking his tongue as it bunches about your knees.

“Just give into what your body wants,” he says, all saccharine sweetness in that slow, deep voice. “You’ve made a mess.”

You know you have. You can feel slick when your thighs press too close together, hot and wet between your legs. You really are practically dripping. But it’s not just from Naoya, you don’t think – it’s from the sudden power you’re feeling, the rush of being an equal participant in everything, in feeling like you have the upper hand. And not a small part, you think, is because of the adrenaline that’s coursing through your veins at the thought of putting Naoya Zenin in his place. You tip your head to the side innocently.

“What about you?” You ask, with a mean shade to the pitch of your voice. “You’re so hard it’s a wonder you’re not in pain--”

He grabs a hank of your hair with one hand whilst spreading your legs further with the other, so strong that the breath’s knocked out of you. The tip of his finger skims the outer lips of your sex, gathering your slick arousal on the pad as he growls;

“I’m still a man, darling. I see a pretty cunt to fuck and a pair of nice tits and I want to bury myself into it until the bitch remembers her place--”

“Good luck,” you breathe. “I think you’ll be the one remembering his place, here.”

He laughs breathlessly.

“Oh,” he purrs. “You’re going to be singing a different song when you’re begging me to fuck you harder.”

You give him a smile with your teeth bared; the challenge is obvious. It’s a smile that says ‘we’ll see’, even as you both tug at his underwear to pull it down and reveal what he’s been hiding beneath it.

You don’t want to admit that he’s got a pretty cock, but he has. He’s not the biggest you’ve seen, but it’s still impressive; a slight curve giving it an elegant angle that you realise with a clench will hit you exactly in the right spot when you take it inside of you.

He’s slick with his own pre-come, bubbling from the reddened slit – and as you shift forward and trap it between your thighs, he groans aloud again.

“That’s right,” he grunts, as the tip catches on your entrance and you begin to sink down upon it. “This is what you were made for, princess--”

“What?” You pant. “That would be disappointing. You barely fill me up--”

He grabs you and pulls you into another kiss as you finish off sheathing his cock inside of you – perhaps to save his pride, perhaps to muffle the noise that comes out of him, transferred into your mouth instead of his own. Whichever it is, you hate that you were right about the angle of his cock – you can feel it pressing snugly against the spongy G-spot even now, threatening you with a better time than you’d like to have.

You break the kiss to pull yourself off of him and sink back down, forcibly taking the lead and setting your own pace. You know it’s fast, you know it’s greedy – but fuck, if you aren’t boiling over with need.

You splay your hands across his shoulders, nails digging into his skin with little care to how you might mark him. You need him for leverage, as you continue to bounce up and down on his cock. Naoya tips his head back and groans, enjoying the feeling, before he remembers that you two are engaged in a battle of wits and attempts to get the better of you once more.

“I-is that,” he groans, coming to cling onto your waist and force you down on him with even more strength, helping you along in the too-fast rhythm of your thrusts and bounces. “The best you’ve got?”

“Come on,” you say breathlessly, as his cock continues to stroke that spot. You can hear the sounds of him sliding in and out of you, shamefully loud – too, you can hear the sounds of your skin slapping against one another, echoing and mixing with the breathless pants and the attempts to trade barbed insults. “Y-you’re making me do all the work?”

“Fucking pity you’ve got such a nice cunt,” Naoya snarls, his hips flexing, somehow managing to hit you deeper even as you’re bouncing on the balls of your feet and straddling him on the chair. His words are starting to sound very far away. “You should be in my fucking bed, keeping it warm, better off than wasting away here--”

Both of you are running your mouths, overwhelmed by how close one another’s bodies are and the intense heat radiating from you. There’s a frisson of electricity in the air, showering sparks, as the two of you continue to snatch words in between moans and groans and pants and whimpers--

“You’re pathetic--”

“You’re so fucking tight, I shouldn’t be surprised when you’re such a bitch--”

“F-fuck, harder, c-can’t you even keep the momentum going? You’re weak--”

“Baby girl, you’re fucking shaking – you gonna come first? Women are so predictable--”

You can feel your release hovering on the edge of your vision, blurring it as your eyes squeeze shut and you feel tears threatening to roll down your cheeks. There’s a heat inside of you that’s close to overspilling – and as you come down on him particularly hard, the head of his cock rolls over your g-spot just right, and you feel a dam inside of you break as your nails dig hard enough into his shoulders to draw blood. You bury your face into his neck so he doesn’t get the satisfaction of hearing you cry out his name, teeth worrying into his neck to leave a love-bite reminder of exactly what transpired between you two in the Vice Principal’s office.

You feel yourself twitch and tighten around him as your orgasm rocks your body, heat running through you like veins of marble. You can’t breathe – all you can do is bite, your hips chasing the final aftershocks.

Naoya is still hard inside of you as you lift yourself off him, letting his cock slip out of you as easily as butter. His own hands clench around your hips.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” He asks, his voice rough and hungry. Despite that, though, you can hear the thread of some other emotion sewn in to them – and with a shiver of delight, you realise it’s neediness. He’s been left wanting, and you’ve been handed all of the cards. “I haven’t finished.”

“And you won’t finish inside me,” you snap at him, enjoying the longing in his voice. “Ask me very nicely and I’ll finish you off with my hand.”

“Mouth,” he demands – and he grabs your cheeks, squishing them, pulling you down and reminding you of all of the power that he has even though it’s your body that’s got the advantage of the high ground. “You don’t really think I’m going to be satisfied with your hand, princess--”

“You don’t deserve it,” you spit at him, but you sink to your knees anyway.

You’re not entirely lacking in manners. You suppose you did get to come. It would be rude to just leave him like this. Especially when the whole reason you’d ended up in this office in the first place was to apologise to him politely.

“This is the perfect position for you,” he sneers, as you open your mouth and envelope the head of his cock within it. You can taste yourself on his shaft. “Fuck, that’s right – put your mouth to good use for once--”

You give him a mean, slow lick along the slit of his cock head that makes him groan in the back of his throat. He wraps his hand around the back of your neck, fingers digging into the nape so he can control you at least a little bit, pushing you a touch too far so you almost choke. You pull off it, drooling.

“Choke me again and I’ll bite,” you snarl, and he pats your cheek like you’re an obedient dog.

“You wouldn’t dare,” he says – and you narrow your eyes at him in a way that says ‘try me’ before you return to sucking at him, hollowing your cheeks. You want to do a good job. A part of you wants to make him come so hard that he regrets being an asshole to you, even though you know that’s ridiculous and not going to happen.

Still. You’re not going to back down from a challenge, so you use your tongue to play along as much of his cock as you can.

“Fuck,” Naoya breathes. “Good . . . good fuckin’ girl—”

You’ve been hearing that low, polite drawl swear and curse for what seems like hours, but that one sends another pulse of heat through you – at your heart, you can’t argue that you love being praised. You whimper against his cock, glad that the fast pace you’ve managed to establish and the wet noises of your mouth around him muffle the noise so Naoya can’t dangle it over your head.

The hand on the nape of your neck jerks, so that you’re forced to look up at him and meet his eyes proper. His hips are slamming to meet your bobs now, the noise of him fucking your mouth filling the room. His teeth dig into his bottom lip and you feel him twitch, his voice pitching--

Salt coats your tongue as he fills your mouth.

But he doesn’t let himself finish there.

He pulls out, and he pumps his cock himself two, three times – coaxing out the other ropes of come, that hit your neck and chest and breasts hot and white and glistening. You’re too surprised by it to do anything – you’d expected him to keep your mouth on him, make you swallow down everything he gave you. He seems the kind of guy who gets off on that sort of thing--

But instead, he’s sighing, relaxing back into the chair as he looks at you with lazy eyes.

“You look cute like that,” he says, his voice low and sated. “I should take a picture.”

“Fuck you,” you breathe, getting off your knees. You are so fucking thankful for the box of tissues on the Vice Principal’s desk, as you reach across and grab some to dab at yourself so you’re not sticky and disgusting for any longer than necessary.

If you leave them in his pedal waste-bin, you hope that the cleaning crew will dispose of them before the Vice Principal is even aware that they’re there. Your lip curls as you wipe your mouth. You wish you had a mint – or at least a glass of water. Even tap water would do.

For what it’s worth, Naoya seems a little agitated as he puts himself to rights too. Evidently he was not expecting you to fight back so much – he places a finger on his shoulders and scowls when he sees that you made him bleed.

“I should sue you for assault,” he says. You tap your own body, at the curve of your hips and waist.

“I’m going to bruise,” you tell him. “So I guess it would be self-defence.”

“You’re too smart for your own good,” he tells you, with narrowed eyes – and you give him another smile, one that is clearly fake, as you pull your tank top and shorts back on and re-tie your shoes.

You’re surprised as you go to leave the room and he sets a hand on the small of your back in a mocking echo of polite manners. As the two of you walk down the corridor towards the exit, he does not remove it. To the assembled crowds, you hope it will look entirely innocent – like the two of you have merely had a little chat and come to an agreement instead of heatedly fucking one another’s brains out.

You blink as you emerge out into the light, your eyes taking a moment to adjust. You see Principal Masamichi give you a sympathetic smile – and there’s Gojo, immediately charging towards you like an overprotective bear. He slows down as he sees the way that Naoya is still touching you.

“I hope everything’s alright,” he says, sounding stiffer and more formal than you usually hear. Naoya’s smile towards him is cold.

“Everything’s fine,” he says, “Perfect. You apologised beautifully, didn’t you, Miss?” Naoya looks down his nose at you, a conceited smile on his mouth. “I’ve decided to overlook this little transgression.” He leaves a pause, and you swallow as you realise what he’s waiting for.

“Thank you so much, Mr Zenin, Sir,” you say. Again, it feels like you have to force the words out through a mouthful of marbles – but they make it out of your mouth.

“Oh, don’t be so formal, Miss,” he smirks. “You can call me Naoya. I look forward to seeing you again – soon, I hope.”

“You’re just in time,” Gojo says coldly. “Maki just won the final race of the day for our team.”

Naoya’s gaze is sharp as he looks at him. His lip curls. You can tell that both of them want to do something – maybe have an out-and-out fist fight on the field. But Naoya manages to get a grip (you’re glad about it; you’re not entirely sure whether Gojo would have been able to hold back) and turns on his heel to stalk away.

He does give your ass one last squeeze, though, that you desperately hope that Gojo doesn’t notice.

Gojo’s shoulders stay set, his chin thrust proudly forward, until Naoya has been swallowed up by the crowd at large – and then, he turns to you. For the first time, you see his normally humorous eyebrows draw in with worry.

“You look upset,” he says. “Sweaty. You smell terrible. Do you need a minute?”

Your shoulders fall. Gojo gives you a sympathetic pat on the back.

“It’s a rite of passage to deal with someone from the Zenin family,” he says. “You’re just unlucky it happened to actually be Naoya today. He usually sends an underling or an uncle or someone to pretend to care about the girls.”

Wow. You sure hope the rite of passage has gone differently for everyone else.

“Why d’you think he came here today, then?” You ask Gojo. He looks at you strangely, a spark of something you can’t quite read in his eyes.

“Well,” he says, “he’s related to the Fushiguros, you know. I heard he and Megumi’s father have met up recently for drinks – it ended in a fight, of course, it always does. But maybe he expected Megumi’s dad to be here too?” He shrugs. “He can never resist an opportunity to relish over someone in his family winning, even if he doesn’t want Maki doing anything unladylike. Megumi’s dad isn’t here, though, so looks like that backfired on him--”

Your face feels like it’s on fire as you think about Megumi’s father fucking you on Gojo’s desk – and the lingering way that Naoya had said that he’d heard so much about you from everyone.

[slitherbop]

.......Any papastuck hcs?

THANK YOU for giving me an excuse to publicly ramble about PAPA G AND CHUCK beware of Spoilers within ALSO HERE’S A PIC happy valentines day

When they met and Chuck was still Stuck in the floor, like Post-Chicken-Feed-Missing-Scene, Chuck would be RUDE as HELL to Papa G. But Papa G took it as realizing he’s just A Guy and was like AH MAYBE I SHOULDA BEEN GIVIN HIM REAL FOOD and then he does that, but Chuck is still a bastard to him. Not to The Kid’s knowledge tho, he only found out that Papa G knew about Chuck’s existence in the second episode like we saw.

Papa G literally just looked at Chuck and how Evil he was being at the beginning and was like OH YES WE CAN BE FRIENDS I LIKE THIS GUY cuz he DID save him and want him to be redeemed and have the last ring to be on the team... Papa G’s Immediate Trust.. like if u agree

I like to imagine that Papa G actually did have da iced tea with Chuck to get to know him :] this was Post-Chuck-getting-Cut-in-Half. Papa G is Very Curious about Chuck but Chuck’s still a rude little man at this point and Papa G laughs off his behaviour. Papa G might be f*cked up enough that he does enjoy his company, bad vibes and all

Chuck has NO idea what to make of Papa G here because no one else has ever shown him kindness or wasn’t annoyed at him. It doesn’t stop him from being a force of negativity though cuz at this point he still Believes he’s going to conquer the earth.

This ended up being like a timeline of their relationship and not relationship headcanon UUHH OOPS!!!!!

OK, Chuck actually likes that he calls him Charles it’s the special name :]

I’m prepared to be proven wrong but it would be epic if Chuck started calling Papa G “George” because he was there to hear that that is his first name and Papa G like with Tuna Sandwich doesn’t mind being called it, it’s just his name. Also George is my real name and I’d love to hear Chuck say. Also Also George and Charles are gay old man names

Uh oh I’m talking more about timeline stuff but some time after the events of the big showdown and they’re dealing with the fact that Chuck is deciding to stay here on earth, Papa G and The Kid make him his own living space there in the junkyard with them. Not sure where or what it’d look like but it means a lot to Chuck (makes this face -> 🥺) I’d imagine since his species aren’t given their own names / have individuality he wasn’t given a space of his own to do whatever he wanted with

Since they no longer have the rings, Chuck helps Papa G as an extra hand doing work in the yard (Papa G had to get used to doing stuff without being his own company :[ ) and Chuck ACTUALLY LOVES HELPING imagine that one scene where Papa G and Chuck are working together to build the ice cream megaphone truck, they’re both really skilled at building stuff and enjoy it so it’s like that pretty often!

I swear to god Papa G needs to get Chuck a wheelchair / make him one, I want to believe that he does have one and we just didn’t see it at the end of the time skip -_- :prayer: but they totally deck it the hell out (you KNOW Papa G is capable of making deadly death machines and you KNOW Chuck would absolutely love that sh*t!!!!)

Anyway back to the time skip relationship development thing: PAPA G SHOWS CHUCK AROUND HIS HOUSE I wish we knew what inside the house looked like besides the kitchen sink lol but Papa G figured if he’s gonna be around here more often he might as well show him where HE lives! Papa G is SUPER excitedly showing him all the weird stuff he’s accumulated over his lifetime. Chuck doesn’t Get the specialness of physical possessions and calls it Junk but Papa G doesn’t mind! He shows things and Chuck is confused about certain things (being an Alien) and Papa G is happy to explain everything to him.

Papa G shares Chuck his art and is showing him painting ;_; once again Chuck is a bastard and doesn’t totally get it. Papa G would definitely call HIM an artist, pointing out that all the building that Chuck does is artwork, those comics that he spent all that time reading was him appreciating the art, and that changes the way he views it. Chuck makes his own dam comics, I’d imagine the way he’d draw is very unique and the text is written in his language, and then it’s Papa G who doesn’t totally get it but is ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT IT!!!

Also Papa G totally takes Chuck out to the middle of nowhere to go look for junk, this is probably Chuck’s Least Favourite Activity LOL but they do spend a lot of time talking about anything, I’m really curious about what the kind of things they’d even say when they’re not faced with any threat and are only with each other *looks up at the sky in thought..*

Chuck please go off about your previous life away from earth I feel like as soon as he came here he kinda just accepted himself being Stuck Chuck and therefore had no attachment to being a nameless body in an alien army. Also Papa G please open up about your messed up secret history that warranted the government keeping tabs on you and made you live almost completely isolated.

See^ I think whatever they got going on on a DEEP LEVEL could be wild and would have so much to unravel, Chuck’s life before this was probably just 90% seeing various people DIE and was simply made to Kill people for his leader. And. you KNOW Papa G has something Messed Up about him + Is Traumatized / got “bad flashbacks” + the whole seeing himself die and being numb to it. And now that they are people who are trying to save lives on their team they could Relate to each other as the two older guys with UNKNOWN HISTORY!!!!

UUUUH OK SO SHIP HEADCANONS RIGHT. RIGHT. They hold hands :] they rarely kiss it’s mostly Papa G who kisses Chuck on the face but Chuck is forbidden from kissing unless Papa G wants to go to sleep. Also Chuck likes to be held by Papa G, they hug a lot :D Papa G takes Chuck out to the diner and gets him everything he wants <3 they go to the house and watch movies and Kid joins them too as a family ;_; Papa G goes to sleep in his god forsaken hammock with Chuck, and Chuck is like So This Is Your Weird-Ass Cocoon Huh and Papa G is like HAHA YUP and its sweet.

I’m gonna end this here thank you for reading, this is the kinda stuff I ramble on and on like this in private but I hope u enjoy some of my thoughts about this I think it’s a genius ship with so much potential and is my favourite thing right now THANKS

[queeniecook]

January 6

Today, I thought it’d be a good idea to invite Rahmi out somewhere. I pulled Aubree in on my plan.

“I don’t know where to take her, other than San Myshuno. How about the strip club?” I suggested while Rahmi was using the bathroom.

Aubree shook her head. “She was just cheated on. I don’t think it’s a good idea for her to be around a bunch of penis’ right now. It might be dangerous for the people there.”

I looked at Aubree. “Hmm, good point.”

“I know! How about the art center?!” I exclaimed, as Rahmi joined us in the hallway. I could tell Aubree was over the moon with the idea. Art is not her thing. I also think Aubree was experiencing the “joys” of morning sickness.

“That sounds fun, I haven’t been to an art center since before my kids were born.” Rahmi commented, smiling slightly.

About an hour later, we arrived in San Myshuno at the art center. I had never been to this one before, so it was a new place to visit at least. We all wondered around, looking at pieces of art. Thankfully they had interactive areas where you could paint, play instruments and mold clay.

I was walking around, going to town on molding my clay, when I was approached by an interesting female. I say female, because I got the sense she wasn’t human. She simply asked me for directions to the nearest bar. I helped her out while not getting too close.

We all met back on the first floor, I told them about the female until I heard shouting outside.

“There’s a protest across the street!” I exclaimed.

“What is it for?” Rahmi asked while I heard Aubree groan.

“Don’t encourage her.” Aubree told Rahmi, rubbings her face. She looked looked at me and sighed. “We’re going over there, aren’t we?”

“Down with gas prices!” We shouted into the megaphones the organizers kindly provided for everyone.

“My piggy bank is hurting, man!” A fellow with red hair yelled not far from us. Oddly, he looked like a character from “My Darling”.

“You gonna eat that?” I asked, eyeing Aubree’s plate. I had already ate my food.

“I’m trying to anyway.” Aubree told me, looking at her plate. She eventually sighed and handed it over to me.

I feel for Aubree, because I’ve been there. I still have my days. But at that moment, I felt like I was starving.

To end the day, I paid for us to have a wall to paint a mural together.

Caleb showed up midway through. I think he missed me.

[morizoras-cave]

Delicate (Request)

Marvel Cast x gn!teen!co-star!reader

Genre: fluff

Request Description: Hey I have a request. People think because I'm a small(5'3") girl I'm a "Delicate flower" and I'm really the complete opposite. So Marvel Cast x Teen!Reader. Reader was a hardcore stunt double(jumping off buildings,in simulated car accidents, fight scenes, ect.)before she got into acting,but because she's so young they try to prevent her from doing her job. (I'm evil so have her do one of the most risky stunts and nail it)

Warnings: stunt, violence (kind of), language, concerned costars :)

(A/N): hey yall im gonna update hopefully twice today or twice tomorrow? it’s because im going to BERLIN with my SCHOOL on sunday, so i dont expect to be able to write a lot. i already feel kind of guilty, since i havent even written that much this week? it can just be really exhausting you know? anyway i know none of you guys mind, its just what i keep worrying about, but anyway hope you all enjoy this :D

“Y/n, can’t you please reconsider this?” 

“No, I’m doing the stunt!” 

It was getting annoying at this point. You and the cast had been filming the newest Marvel movie for the past 4 months, and finally came the day, where your stunts were filmed. You only had this one scene (and one or two others with a bit of action) in the entire movie that included stunts, and you, being an experienced stunt double before turning into an actor, were excited. In fact, you were pretty sure that your experience as a stunt double, was what had gotten you the job in the first place. 

You expected that your co-stars would know this, but none of them did, and you found it hard to bring it up, without feeling like you were bragging or something, so you just didn’t tell them. But that was turning out to be a bad idea, as they were getting increasingly worried. 

During the first couple of months, it was mostly light chuckles and small remarks. 

“That’s gonna be tough, huh?”

But as the set was built and the day came closer, the remarks turned into a worried demands. 

“Y/n, that is way too dangerous! Tell the director that you want a stunt double!” Anthony had told you firmly and worryingly, as you came onto the set, wearing your costume. You furrowed your brows and tilted your head up to look at him.

“No, Anthony. I already told you,” you mumbled. Sebastian, Chris (Evans), Scarlett, and Tom (Hiddleston) looked over and a flurry of sighs came. The argument was starting again. 

“Look, maybe you should just listen to us - that stuff is really dangerous, and you’re just too young,” Chris told you, giving you those worried blue eyes. 

“I mean, look at you! You’re.. You know!” Sebastian knew immediately he shouldn’t have begun that sentence when he saw the narrow-eyed glare you sent his way.

“I’m what?” 

“You know... Delicate..” 

You rolled your eyes, intending to walk to a different part of set, where you wouldn’t be ridiculed, but Scarlett’s voice interrupted you. “Alright,” she said, “I’m gonna go ask Joe to give you a stunt double-” 

Just before you could retort, because, boy, was it annoying, a set worker yelled across set, running busily across set. “Guys! You’re on now!” 

You smirked cartoonishly, knowing you’d get to do the stunt, and set off to your starting position. Your coworkers watched you triumphantly getting ready, and exchanged deflated glances. They, reluctantly, got into position as well. 

“Action!”

You felt a power surge as you started, almost immediately jumping into the action. You did it just as it was written in the script, ducking beneath flying fists, taking fake punches, delivering soft blows and jumping and flipping in the air like it was nothing. 

As you dashed across the set, you glanced at Tom and Sebastian. They were both doing their own thing, but you found that their attention had been drifted slightly from the fight and onto you. Their mouths stood slightly agape.

You suppressed your grin, and climbed to the area of which you’d be jumping into a fairly narrow safety pad. You glance down and felt both anxiety and excitement tingling in your stomach. God, you’d really missed being a stunt double. 

You saw Anthony and Scarlett frowning, and then Chris glancing at the director, probably to signal yo get you down from there, but both directors were looking solely at you. 

The ground crunched beneath you, as you turned, pretending to look at approaching enemies coming up to the ledge from behind you. Then you looked down the jump and bit your lip, acting scared. 

“Welp, I guess I’m doing this,” you said as scripted, and then let yourself fall. Just as your body fell between the gap, you grabbed onto a small branch, placed there very purposefully. Your body bounced violently at the motion, and your arm tugged at the weight of your own body. 

You heard the actors playing the villains trample above you in confusion. 

“They probably jumped over! Let’s go!” they hissed, and the ledge thundered and small stones fell, as they all left you in the gap. You looked, once more just like in the script, at the ledge, the branch, and then beneath you. 

“God, bad day..” you mumbled, and comically you let yourself fall. You landed, rather gracefully in your opinion, on the pad, and fell onto safety. 

The set exploded in applause. The directors, set workers, actors and actresses, everyone was seemingly impressed, and you smiled with pride. 

“Woah, holy shit, holy fucking shit, Y/n! When’d you learn to do that?!” Chris asked excitedly, everyone running over as you stood up. 

“I was a stunt double for years. I love this kind of stuff,” you explained and watched them roll their eyes and smile in disbelief. 

“Why didn’t you say so, you dumbass?” Anthony tried to be angry, but he couldn’t hide how impressed he was. “But, for real, damn that was cool.”

“I don’t know, I didn’t know how to bring it up. Anyway-” 

“STOP CELEBRATING, WE’RE NOT DONE!” One of the directors had a megaphone and he made big eyes, as he fussed you all along. The cast laughed at him.

“Alright, but, uh- Next time, just tell us, Y/n. You gave me a fucking heart attack.” Scarlett cursed at you, booped your nose, and then jogged back to her place. You laughed and nodded.

“Tell me too!” Tom hissed, glancing at everyone waiting for the cast to stop fooling around, booped your nose once more (a very boopable surface, if you will), and ran to his position as well. 

Everyone traveled back to their places, and then you would work the scene over and over, and at the end of the day, you all went out to celebrate because, as the cast liked to phrase it, you were ‘inexplicably cool’. 

You enjoyed the food and the glory, and all was good. Looks like you weren’t so delicate after all. 

___________________________

Tag List:

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[haleigh-sloth]

I put together some final thoughts on the past arc, cuz now that it's pretty much over and we can look at the past 20-ish chapters as a whole, I have some.

Apologies in advance cuz this turned out long.

I feel like with the appearance of Stain and Aizawa, the mention of Kurogiri, the callback to Toga, and the end of Dek's solo adventures, it is finally safe to give some final thoughts on the past arc. Specifically talking about the chapters ranging from 306-324.

I want to iterate that I am completely in understanding of the fact that the author is very much overworked, and that if he had been able to take a proper break after the war arc, (or a proper break in general) this past arc would have been better. This is not a jab at the author's abilities, because the man can tell a story. We've seen him do it. He's capable of it, especially when his heart is in it. Which, for the record, I don't think his heart was in this past arc at all--not like it was for the war arc and the very few chapters following up to 305. I think he was forcing these chapters out because he had to. Anyway.

Hardly any progress was made in the plot this past arc. Almost every chapter was boring. Like, we usually get HYPE when spoilers drop! Notice how that hype has completely died down. I will say that chapter 314 lit a bit of a spark in the fandom, but that spark died immediately when we got the three completely useless explosions (All Might's car, Nagant, the mansion in the forest), and when we kept seeing Endeavor and Hawks--two characters in desperate, desperate need of some serious development--remain completely stagnant and hollow.

Yes, some moments were worth being excited about! Toga came to Ochacko's mind, Midoriya has thought of Shigaraki several times--as well as thought back to specific lines from his (very important) speech--Shouto went off on his dad in front of UA, and Bakugo and Midoriya finally had a moment of clarity and unification. Those things were all nice. But beyond that....

I think my biggest issue is how Hawks is being handled right now. Other bloggers have said it before, but Hawks feels really retconned and it seems like Hori is backing out on kicking Hawks's ass in-story. Twice's death feels as if it didn't even happen. Which, I'm still holding out hope that that is going to change at some point down the line. BUT--the fact of the matter is that the writing has reduced Hawks to this extremely flat, 2-D character who only is constantly accompanied by/associated with Endeavor and cannot seem to exist in-story otherwise, not thinking a single thought about the fact that Endeavor is a grim reminder of his abusive past, not struggling or regretting even a little bit about the fact that he murdered someone who was running away crying, and suddenly has all these optimistic lines that really don't belong with his character. So after waiting all this time for his character to have the same substance he used to during the war arc and before, it's going to feel extremely jarring for him to suddenly be as important as he potentially could have been to the end game, and suddenly go back to being as complex and intriguing as he used to be out of fucking nowhere. I mean I'm holding out hope still, because Twice deserves better. And Hawks being made into a flat Endeavor worshipper is pretty cringe. There is still time for change though 🙏🏼, for now. Hawks is on thin ass ice.

Endeavor....ugh. Stagnant, plot-wise. But his character is fine, for now. His arc is pretty straight forward, but there's concern it'll just be....lightly painted over with a completely uncalled-for layer of optimism. Like, it's already optimistic and hopeful that his family is going to be together in the end. Nothing story-wise has changed that ending to come. If anything, because of the ridiculous happy-go-lucky last few chapters (sans 325-326), I'd say it's even more solidified. The question at this point is how dark and serious will it get on the journey to that ending. Will there be any stakes, any losses, etc. Endeavor should not get to remain a hero in the end. He shouldn't, and as of now I still think he's gonna lose his hero status in the end. But....heroes and civilians alike do not seem to give a single shit that he abused his family. They only yell at him because of what Touya did. Not because of what he did to his family as a whole, or the fact that he's still considered a fucking hero in the eyes of society. It's very...disappointing, and raises the possibility that nothing will actually be addressed with him and he'll still be a "hero". Nothing has called him out, except for Shouto! But Shouto has hardly had ANY screen time in so long, that it doesn't feel as heavy watching him (rightfully) bitch out his dad. That's another issue that would result in a way longer post than this already is, but Shouto needs his arc back. He still hasn't gotten it back, still. Yes, the kids are back on screen, but it's obvious which kids are gonna be saving some villains, so it'd be nice to put some focus on them and their inner struggles and their arcs, instead of pandering to everyone ELSE pointlessly if they're not going to carry the plot further (Endeavor and Hawks I'm looking at you).

Other smaller complaints:

I can't get over how there were three chapters dedicated to Ochacko and that megaphone. We got Toga out of it, but at what cost..

The villains were established to be central to the remainder of the main kids' arcs, but hardly any mention of them at all. It felt to me like the plot was literally dancing around that topic. Just trying to put it off for as long as possible.

I don't really have complaints about 325 and 326. They could have been better if everything leading up to them was...worth getting excited over, but ultimately they're okay. They at least gave us mystery (Stain and All Might) and suspense (Aizawa and Kurogiri) to look forward to. I hope Hori can enjoy himself more in the remaining parts of the story. It seems like when the happenings in the story are actually interesting, the story-telling is significantly better and the author seems to have more of a solid idea of where he's going.

He deserves a break too.

He has talent, I want to see that talent carry out the story to its end!

Anyway, here's to better chapters to come 🍻 🍻 🍻

[goddessofmischief]

Noah, Part Six - Peter Maximoff x Reader

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5

...

When you were kids, you and Peter had lived under the same roof for almost five years.

And this was the longest he had ever gone without talking to you.

It was absolutely...

Unnatural.

You knew he’d interrogated Noah - something you wanted to be mad about, but just couldn’t be.

Peter deserved answers, and you felt guilty for not giving them to him. Especially after you'd seen the way he looked at you, the night you went out to dinner with Alex.

The night you explained everything.

But if Peter was allowed to grill your son...

Well, couldn't you?

“Hey, Noah,” you said, crouching down beside your son. “I know you’ve kinda... noticed, that things have been a little different.”

“What,” said Noah, in his soft, lispy voice. “What, that you and Daddy aren’t together anymore?”

Your eyes widened, and you released him, feeling as if you’d been burned.

“Daddy? Why’d you.. why would you call him that?”

He shrugged. It was the saddest thing you’d ever seen.

“I don’t know. He's around all the time and he teaches me things...”

“Well, so do I!”

“You protect me, Mommy. You protect me, an’... an’ you fight the bad people. It’s different.”

Noah sounded so sure. You wished you could be as certain as he was.

“What about Alex, huh?” you asked, smoothing his hair down. “Did you like him? He was cool, right?”

“Yeah. I guess.”

You huffed.

“Can I see Da-”

“Peter,” you corrected, forcefully.

“Can I go see Peter now? He’s s’posed to teach me today -- how to play tennis by myself.” “Don’t you want to spend the afternoon together, love? We could... we could read. You like that... don't you?”

Noah shrugged again.

“I guess so. I don’t really have to learn it, anyway. Peter says as long as he’s around, I’ll never have to play by myself.”

Your eyes welled up with tears.

“Well,” you managed, “I guess... I guess you’d better go.”

“Will you be okay?”

“Yeah, ‘Oah. I’ll be fine. I’ll just... stay in.”

“Sure you don’t want to come?” asked Noah.

You shook your head. He leaned in, whispering in your ear, as if he was going to tell you a secret.

“B’cause... Peter said he misses you.”

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t smile.

...

Okay...

So Peter Maximoff was kind of an incredible tennis instructor.

And surprisingly patient, in a way he never had been with you.

“Okay, buddy - that was great, but just a little to the left - oh,” he muttered, noticing you. “Hey, Y/N.”

You gave him a half-hearted wave.

“Peter,” said Noah, seriously, “You promised we could do some racing.”

“I know, buddy, but... it’s kinda windy today. It’s not the best conditions.”

Noah crossed his arms, pouting.

“Okay,” said Peter, giving in. “Alright... meet you back here?”

“Meet you,” agreed Noah, taking off.

Several moments passed. You couldn’t see either of them, but... suddenly, you felt a sharp burst of pain in Noah’s mind.

Within moments, Peter reappeared speeding out of the woods, carrying your son.

“The dummy broke his arm,” said Peter.

...

“He’ll be okay,” said Peter, attempting to comfort you. “S’ not so bad. One of the disadvantages of our powers are... you break a lot of stuff. Often limbs.”

You smiled, slightly.

“I know. He’s a tough kid. But I’m gonna wait up with him, anyway. As a kid, when I was sick, or hurt... I needed a lot of attention.”

“Oh, I remember,” Peter chuckled. “We thought you were dying.”

“Wow.”

“Well, you were kinda dramatic.”

“Oh, like you weren’t, at that age.”

He shrugged.

“That’s, uh... that’s fair. Listen... if you’re staying with Noah tonight... you want me to stay?”

“Why?” you asked, bluntly.

Peter shrugged, again.

“I don’t want you to be alone.”

Hesitantly, you allowed Peter to sit down on the couch, beside you, tucking your head into his shoulder.

When you woke in the morning, he was gone.

...

You knew it was time to go.

Xavier had taught Noah enough to control his powers, you reasoned. Sure, it wasn’t exactly what you'd hoped for - but he wasn't a full fledged X-Man yet, after all. He had time.

And, most importantly, you had fulfilled your duty as a mother.

You had ensured that Noah was safe.

Sure, you wouldn’t be able to pursue learning your own skills - but did that really matter?

A nagging voice in your head (probably Jean) told you that it did.

It also told you that you were running away from your problems, like you always had.

And also that you should brush your teeth.

“I don’t understand, Mom,” said Noah, reluctantly taking your hand. “Why do we have to go?”

“Because we’re done, love. We accomplished... what we came here to do. It’s time to go back to the real world. We can’t hide here forever.”

He nodded, slowly, and you hoped he understood.

“...Is Peter coming?”

You threw Noah’s suitcase in the trunk of your car with a thunk.

"No,” you said, quietly. “No, he’s... he’s not.”

Noah’s face went blank.

“What? Mom, we can’t-”

“That’s all, Noah. I’ve made up my mind.”

You helped him into his car-seat and climbed into the front, taking one last look at the Mansion before driving away.

Quietly, Noah began to hum something.

“That’s pretty,” you mused, softly. “What is it?”

“A song Peter taught me. He said it was your song.”

You swallowed.

Noah began to sing.

“If I could save time in a bottle, the first thing that I’d like to do... is to save every day, till eternity passes away... just to spend ‘em with you...”

Oh, no fair.

Peter was playing dirty.

“But there never seems to be enough time... to do the things you wanna do, once you find ‘em... I’ve looked around enough to know, that you’re the one I want to go through time with...”

Turn back, your brain was screaming. Turn back, turn back, turn back-

A car pulled up alongside you.

And it was Peter’s head that hung from the window, a megaphone pressed to his lips.

“Pull over!”

“What?!”

He almost ran you off the road.

“Pull over!”

"Mom?” asked Noah, in an eerily calm voice. “Are we gonna die?”

“No, love,” you said, decisively, pulling the car over. “No, I’m just gonna kill Peter, that’s all.”

“Y/N, I have to talk to you-”

“Are you crazy!” you yelled, slamming the door behind you. “Who drives like that? Are you-”

“Listen to me!” Peter shouted, jumping out of his car.

“I love you! And I don’t care that Noah’s not my son, okay? I’ll raise a hundred children, Y/N. With a hundred of your boyfriends, if it means I can be with you.”

Your eyes welled up with tears.

“...Can you put that down?”

“THIS EXPRESSES HOW LOUDLY I LOVE YOU!”

“It’s too loud,” you whispered, trying not to smile.

He knelt down, opening up a small, metal box.

“This is the Hope diamond,” Peter said, seriously, “And I stole it. But Xavier told me that it’s worth kind of a lot, and I don’t know if that means anything... but I thought it looked kinda cool, and I wanted you to have it-”

“Okay,” you agreed, quickly. “Okay, yes, yes, I will!”

You threw your arms around Peter’s neck and kissed him, deeply.

“I love you!” you shouted, feeling every emotion cross over you at once.

“I love you!” he shouted back, so happy he could barely breathe.

“And... I lied to you.”

“What?”

“Noah’s your son.”

Peter's express went blank.

“What? Why would you say-”

“I just needed you to want to marry me... because you wanted to marry me.”

He stumbled back, looking dazed - and for a moment, you were afraid you’d lost him.

“Get out!” Peter shouted, suddenly, absolutely screaming with happiness. “I’m a dad!”

“You’re a dad!”

This time, it was Peter that threw his arms around you, and you reciprocated.

...

Hey guys! Just a reminder, the story doesn’t end here.

I’m gonna continue to write in the ‘Noah’ timeline, but you can find the whole series under the title ‘All and Then Most Of You’ in my masterlist.

I plan to cover Peter and reader’s time at Xavier’s, and of course, their life as a family!

Many of these fics will be standalones that fit with the overall series

 If you have any ideas for the series, or adventures that Peter, Noah and Reader should go on, please send ‘em in!

Also, credit to the Office. As I mentioned in the first chapter, I borrowed some of the dialogue for this chapter from one of the last episodes.

...

Taglist:

@fangirl593-at-221b @amourtentiaa @that-random-nerdy-person @no-mercy-bby

[jungshookz]

Halloween in CeeWorld

I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to post this. 

These drabbles were in Cee’s drafts, so... if I wasn’t supposed to post this, blame it on Y/N. 

Enjoy. Or not. It doesn’t really matter to me. 

                                    the little ghost (ceo!yoongiverse)

“alright, let’s get this quarantine hwalloween party started!” you clap your hands together as you step into the living room before rubbing them together excitedly, “is everyone excited??”

“as excited as i’ll ever be,” jungkook huffs as he leans back against the sofa chair, “i can’t believe we’re celebrating halloween indoors like a bunch of losers-”

“you’re very much welcome to leave-” yoongi butts in, “and then stay isolated in your own apartment for two weeks after you’re done partying as part of the safety protocol-”

“quick question- why does jungkook get to be the one with the goggles?” jimin gets up from the couch before putting his hands on his hips, “i look way hotter in them-”

you frown lightly before rolling your eyes, “does it matter who gets the goggles-”

“yeah! the goggles ties the entire costume together-”

you and yoongi exchange knowing glances when jungkook and jimin start to bicker over who should get the goggles and you know that if you don’t cut it off right now that they’ll continue to argue until the end of time

“where’s my little ghost?” you interrupt loudly, cupping both hands around your mouth as a makeshift megaphone, “oh, spooky little ghost...”

a moment of silence ticks by and suddenly-

the sound of rapidly approaching little footsteps echoes down the hallway and you grin excitedly, dropping down onto your knees before reaching up to adjust the inflatable proton-pack you have on your back  

pap-pap-pap-pap

hwayoung bursts out into the living room wearing a plain white sheet with two holes cut out for her eyes and you feel your heart basically bust out of your chest

you already saw her in her costume earlier when you were getting her ready but 

god

it gets you every single time! 

you were debating on cutting two holes for her pigtails but then you’d figure she’d look less spooky that way

anD you were going to cut two holes for her arms but that would completely ruin the look of the costume as well

everyone knows ghosts don’t have arms or ponytails 

“ᶦ ᵍᵒʰˢᵗ, ᵐᵃᵐᵃᵎ” hwayoung practically ramS her little body directly into you and you laugh lightly when she bounces up and down on the balls of her feet

she leans forward to boop her nose against yours through the sheet, “ᶦ ᵍʰᵒˢᵗ!”

“oh my god-” yoongi snorts, bringing his hand up over his mouth when hwayoung blinks up at him through the sheets, “that’s… that’s hilarious.” 

holy shit

that’s so cute

“i have to admit, i thought a blanket ghost was a lazy costume idea, but-” jungkook nudges you aside before looking down at hwayoung with a grin, “look how cute she looks!”

“i know!” you clap your hands before letting out a sigh, “it was actually pretty hard cutting out the eyeholes into two perfect circles.”

“aw, now i’m sad that we don’t get to go trick or treating! we would look so good walking out on the streets-” jimin groans, reaching down to pat the top of hwa’s head, “the ghostbusters with this little itty bitty super scary ghost-”

“ᵇᵒᵒᵎ” hwayoung sticks her arms out from under the sheets and you let out an exaggerated gasp as if she actually scared you

(you don’t miss the way jungkook jumps but you choose not to point it out) 

“okay, now what do you say?” you get up off the ground, everyone immediately going off to their designated candy stations at your signal

yoongi’s in the kitchen, jungkook’s in the laundry room, jimin’s in hwa’s bedroom, and you’re the lucky one who gets to accompany your daughter on her candy-collecting journey

“do we know if hwa’s allergic to peanuts yet?” jungkook pokes his head around the corner before holding the bag of mixed candies up, “i think i should eat all the reese’s peanut butter cups just to be safe-”

“ᵗᶦᶜᵏ ᵒʰ ᵗᵉᵃᵗᵎ”  

“nuh-uh-” yoongi opens the kitchen door, “what do we really say?”

hwayoung pauses and you frown lightly as you think about his question as well

what does he mean what do you really say?

you really say trick or treat when you go trick-or-treating

what else are you supposed to say??

!!

hwayoung suddenly perks up and reaches up to wrap her hand around your pointer finger to get your attention

you look down at her, “yes?”

“ᵗᶦᶜᵏ ᵒʰ ᵗᵉᵃᵗ ᵖᵉᵃˢᵉᵎ” 

“trick or treat, pleas-” you turn around to send yoongi a playful glare, “yoongi, no one says please when they go trick or treating-!”

“we’re not raising an animal, y/n-!”

                              hello, playboy (secretary!yoongiverse)

yoongi doesn’t really understand why halloween is such a big deal

he’s pretty sure it’s just an excuse for people to go out half-naked anD for people to get completely wasted without being judged

sure, he supposes it can be fun for people to dress up and stuff, but at the end of the day, think about it!

you’re wasting money on a costume that you’re literally only going to be wearing ONCE a year and then you’re probably never going to wear it again because you can’t wear the same costume twice in row because everyone knows that’s lame 

he’s, personally, never had to worry about costumes before because he literally?? doesn’t dress up or do anything for halloween

but things have changed now that you’re the boss

and one of those things is celebrating halloween with a fun costume party

admittedly, he enjoys company parties because he gets to drink free booze and eat free food all night (last year they served these mini buffalo chicken sliders at the christmas party and he still dreams about them from time to time)

and yeah, it’s nice getting to mingle with his colleagues and not having to worry about any office work

but costume parties are so lame!

he knows you’re only throwing it because you’re trying to prove to people that you’re a fun boss, but if anything, this costume party will make people think you’re trying too hard to be a fun boss, ultimately making you the lamest boss ever

...no offence, obviously

he tried to explain that to you because he,,. really doesn’t wanna see you get hurt again but if there’s one thing that he’s learnt about you, it’s that you’re very stubborn 

anyways

he’s waiting for you because you’re changing into your costume in your office and then the two of you are going to head up to the rooftop together

“yoongi, i need you to-” yoongi looks over when you open your office door slightly before sticking your head out, “is that your costume?”

yoongi reaches up to brush his fingers over the flimsy devil’s horns he clipped into his hair before nodding, “yeah. i’m a demon. duh.”

“that’s… yeah, those are devil horns, alright,” you snort, “you didn’t even- c’mon, you’re still wearing your clothes from work-”

“then i’m a secretary from hell.” yoongi lowers his voice before wiggling his fingers spookily, “what did you need me to do?”

“i can’t zip my dress up. do you mind…?” you ask sheepishly and yoongi nods and turns to shut off his monitor seeing as you guys are almost ready to go

“sure thing. also, just a reminder that the party started, like, ten minutes ag- woah.” yoongi turns back around and feels his mouth go dry when he sees the costume you’re in

hello, playboy

he didn’t know that this was the costume you were going with

holy shit

the little black satin dress that you’ve got on is hugging your figure in a way that he’s,.., never seen before,..,

and you usually wear heels to work but these stilettos are making your legs look,.,. wow

black stockings usually aren’t the first thing he thinks of when he thinks sexy but you are most definitely changing his mind about that

“eh, it’s fine.” you sigh before spinning around and moving your hair to one side, “i don’t think anyone cares if i’m even at the party or not, anyway.”

yoongi swallows thickly when he notices the little cotton tail that’s glued onto the back of the dress

nice touch 

very nice touch 

his brain is telling him to move but he finds that he’s frozen to the spot as his eyes slowly trail up your bare back

you turn your head to glance at yoongi over your shoulder, “yoongi?” 

he’s always thought that you were pretty, so that’s not something that’s suddenly being revealed to him or anything  

and he’s always thought that you were cute (especially when you make a fool out of yourself trying to get his attention)

but this?

you look… sexy.

really, really sexy.

“yes! sorry, i just- that’s-” he clears his throat and shakes himself out of it, “that’s not true…” he steps forward before gently taking the zipper, “i would care if you weren’t there.”

the zipper glides smoothly against the silky satin as he pulls upwards, yoongi making sure not to snag any loose strands of hair or anything along the way

jesus christ 

and you smell good, too

“okay, you’re good.” yoongi steps back and folds both his hands in front of him, “zipper’s, uh, good to go.”

“thanks- also, you’re only saying that because you have to.” you turn around before rolling your eyes playfully 

“saying what?”

“that you’d care if i wasn’t at the party.” you repeat, reaching up to adjust the little collar you’re wearing around your neck, “i know everyone hates me, yoongi. you don’t have to sugarcoat it.”

“i’m not sugarcoating it!” yoongi scoffs, watching you struggle with the buttons in your cuffs for a moment before automatically reaching out to help you, “…and who cares what they think, anyway? at the end of the day, you’re the boss.” he nods firmly, looking up at you, “now lemme hear you say it.”

you chuckle nervously before looking away, “i’m not gonna-”

“come on...” your heart skips a beat when yoongi hooks a finger under your chin to turn your head back to face him, “just once? for me?”

god

he really knows how to pull your strings, doesn’t he? 

you let out a sigh

“i’m the boss.” you mumble sheepishly, reaching up to scratch the back of your neck  

you’re the boss

you’re the boss

...you’re the boss.

you have the power to fire all of these people. (not that you’re going to, but... you know)

so why are you so scared of them?? 

your brows knit together and you stand up a little straighter, “yeah… i am the boss…!”

“that’s right!” yoongi chirps, nudging you aside so he can quickly turn your office lights off and shut the door for you, “now, we’re going to go up to the party and we’re going to have a good time and you’re not going to sit there worrying about what other people think about you-” 

“yeah! i’m not!” you grin, reaching up to fix the bunny ears sitting on your head 

yoongi smiles before holding his arm out for you, “c’mon, bunny. let’s go show everyone who’s boss.”

                              sweeter than frosting (lveb!jooniverse)

“i’m back!” 

you look up from your mixing bowl when you hear the front door slam shut

yoongi glances over his shoulder before looking back at you, “are we really going to spend the entire day baking?” 

you nod before shrugging as if telling him that it is what it is 

you usually get a lot of orders whenever it’s a holiday, and halloween is no different because,.,. duh

halloween parties all over the city! 

the thing is, you didn’t think that you’d get a lot of orders this year because of social distancing and all of that, but you were sorely mistaken

you have forty-five orders today and you’re pretty sure you’ve bitten off way more than you can chew 

your average is like fifteen orders a day

obviously you’re super grateful for the business because money is good and nice and helps to pay for bills or whatever but 

woW

these are a lot of orders!!!!!

and you have to do everything by yourself!! 

yoongi’s actually supposed to be helping you, but his version of helping you is sitting on his ass and occasionally handing you a tool every now and then 

at one point you asked him to hand you a piping bag and he handed you a spoon which??? how?? did he even???

how did he mix up piping bag and spOON

he also eats whatever leftover bits you shave off the top of a cake or whatever frosting is unused 

so, all in all... not very helpful. 

it’s nice to have company, though! 

yoongi even suggested to put on a spooky movie to keep the two of you somewhat in the holiday spirits while you work your butt off

he insisted that you guys watch something really scary and super bloody so he’s.,,. not entirely sure how you ended up convincing him to watch wallace and gromit: the curse of the were-rabbit

“how’s it going in here?” namjoon steps into the kitchen and almost instantly the corners of your mouth turn up in a bright smile 

he offered to be one of your delivery boys today to help out and you would’ve jumped his bones right then and there if it weren’t for the presence of yoongi and hoseok in the living room

he’s just!!!!

he gets more and more perfect every single day :’) 

“going okay...” you gesture to the multiple mixing bowls around the kitchen, “halfway done!” 

“mm, would you look at that.” yoongi mutters to himself as he keeps his eyes glued on the laptop screen, “that is indeed a were-rabbit...”

“are you- are eating the frosting or are you helping y/n frost the cupcakes?” namjoon pauses to look at the bowl that yoongi has cradling to his chest, yoongi humming as he sucks off the remainder of the frosting off his spoon

“eating!” “helping.” 

both you and yoongi speak up at the same time and you two look at each other before exchanging knowing glances

“eating.” “…yeah. eating.”

yoongi leans over to pause the movie before turning in his stool to look at namjoon 

“waht are you thuppothed ta be?” yoongi asks, the spoon hanging from his mouth carelessly as he turns to look at namjoon

namjoon perks up when he realizes that he must be referring to his super fun halloween costume

he reaches up to brush his fingers over the little beansprout clip he has in his hair with a grin, “a sprout!”

he was trying to think of a creative plant-based costume but there weren’t a lot of options for grown adult men like himself 

there was a broccoli costume that he could’ve pretended was a tree, but… it’s very clearly broccoli

so this was the next best thing!

and it was pretty cheap too, so that’s a bonus

“i think it’s cute.” you giggle, leaning up to press a kiss to namjoon’s cheek, “very cute!”

“mm, i think you’re cute-” namjoon grins cheekily, slinking an arm around your waist and pulling you in closer so that you can give him a proper kiss

“-!”

yoongi immediately groans and looks up towards the ceiling, “god, you guys are sick-”

“uh, says the one eating frosting by the spoonful-“ namjoon pulls away for a split second and laughs lightly when you turn his head to get him to kiss you again

heh 

:-) 

                                  wa-hoo! [roommate!taehyungiverse]

“alright, people, let’s get this show on the roa- oh, jesus-!” namjoon immediately spins around as soon as he barGEs into the apartment, his face going bright red

uh

he just got a very good look at taehyung’s bare ass which was the last thing he was excepting when he walked in here

well

maybe not the last thing he was expecting

“what the fu- ever heard of ringing the bell?!” taehyung rolls off of you before pulling his overalls up so that namjoon doesn’t see both his ass and his dick in the span of three seconds, “this isn’t even your friggin’ apartment anymor-” he turns to look at you, “hey, why does namjoon still have a key, anyway?”

you get up off the couch before pulling your skirt down a little, “in case we both lose ours! he’s also my emergency contact number.”

“okay, but- wait, why aren’t i your emergency contact number?” taehyung frowns, placing both hands on his hips

…

“okay, we don’t have time to do couple’s counselling- are you two ready to go or not?” namjoon turns his head a little to make sure that everyone’s clothed and no body parts are carelessly hanging out

phew

he’s in the clear

oh, jesus

what makes things worse is the fact that you guys are dressed up as mario and luigi

THEY’RE BROTHERS

AND BROTHERS DON’T DO WHAT YOU GUYS WERE JUST DOING

“yeah, yeah, we’re ready to go-” taehyung raises a brow as he sticks his green hat back on, “why are we even going barhopping anyway? it’s not going to be fun having to get our temperature checked every time we go into a building-“

“it’s halloween!” you hand him his mask (you guys stuck the moustaches onto the mask, which you think is a pretty clever way to deal with the whole mask wearing situation) “and now that conditions are slightly better, we have to take advantage!”

“c’mon, mario, get your heels on-” namjoon claps his hands to get your guys’ attention, “i’m parked out front and i do not want my car getting towed-”

“okay, gimme a sec-” taehyung gives your bum a swat when you bend over to step into your heels and you let out a gasp as you shoot straight back up with pink cheeks, “taehyung!”

“what?” taehyung raises both his hands in defence, “i couldn’t not smack it-”

namjoon’s face twists in discomfort

he’s completely fine with the pda

what he’s bothered by are the costumes and the mental image of luigi smacking mario’s ass that’s now burned into his mind forever

he’s… going to stay away from super smash bros for a while.