#I’m gonna miss this show after finale and I hope we will get second season | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lostgirlmuseum · 9 months

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The Swan and the Soldier

^made w/ pinterest

Pairing: tfatws!Bucky x f!dancer!reader

Summary: Bucky is signed up to act in the Nutcracker against his will. But it isn’t all bad. At least not after he meets the cute costume designer.

Words: 5.6k (oops)

Warnings: Mention of an injury + brief description of pain, poor writing at times, lemme know if I missed anything

A/N: I really hope this isn't complete dog shit

(Dividers by me😎)

“You want me to what?”

Bucky dropped his sandwich back onto his plate.

“I was gonna do it but I’m too busy to make every rehearsal.”

Bucky had been staying in Louisiana for the past month, finally taking a break from going from fight to fight. Sam encouraged him to stay with him at Sarah’s place, which Bucky did for a while, but after a couple of weeks, he decided to rent his own place. He was still near to Sam, and was at his house nearly every day, seeing as he was only a fifteen-minute drive away. Bucky just felt like less of a burden this way.

“And I’m not busy?” Bucky countered, staring at Sam from across the kitchen table, where they were taking a quick lunch break before getting back to the boat.

“Well—”

“Shut up.”

“It would mean so much to AJ. It’s his first dance recital and I think he would be a lot less nervous if someone he knew was on stage with him.”

“I’m not a ballerina, Sam.”

“You don’t have to be!” He quickly uttered, putting down his own sandwich. “They just need a couple of parent volunteers to step in and play the adults at the beginning of the show.”

“I haven’t liked dancing since the 40’s. And I don’t know how I feel about being on stage. Would I have to wear a costume?”

“It’s the Nutcracker.” Sam raised an eyebrow and gave Bucky a judgmental once over. “I don’t think it fits the show to have you dressed like an angsty motorcyclist.”

“Sam, I don’t think I can—”

“Uncle Bucky!” A cheerful voice entered the room as AJ came bounding up to the table.

“Hey, kid,” Bucky smiled, giving the boy a quick fist bump.

“Uncle Sam told me you would be a part of my recital!”

“He said what now?”

“What?” AJ asked, oblivious.

“Nothing, I—AJ, could you give Uncle Sam and me a second?”

AJ nodded and skipped back outside into the sun. Bucky glared over at Sam.

“So maybe I jumped the gun a bit…”

“Samuel.”

“You can say no,”

“You know I can’t say no now!” Bucky flung his hands out, exasperated.

“You can! You’ll just disappoint him. But if that’s what you want to do—” Sam trailed off, taking a bite out of his turkey and provolone.

“This is manipulation.”

“Is it working?” Sam mumbled and swallowed.

Bucky shook his head and stared at his plate. “You owe me.”

“Big time! Promise.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Bucky mumbled, planting his face in his palms.

“Rehearsals are Tuesdays and Thursdays,” Sam got up from the table and grabbed his now empty plate, “you’re making the kid really happy.”

“Yeah, yeah. To be clear, I am doing this for him. Not you. I don’t give a shit about you.” He pointed.

“Love you too, Buddy.”

Bucky found himself that very Thursday at the ballet studio, in a small group of parents, as a petite young woman—well, she looked about 60, but compared to Bucky, she was young—introduced herself, a southern accent clear in her cheery tone.

“Welcome parents and volunteers! Most of you already know me, but I’m Ms. Cindy, the head of this program and this year’s Nutcracker! I’d like to start by thanking all of you for taking time out of your busy schedules to be here and support us and your children. It’s you who keep this dance studio up and running, and I’m so grateful for that. Throughout today, you’ll each get called to get your measurements taken so we can be sure that the costumes are ready before the performance. And as for roles, we’ll figure that out at the end of class. I have to go teach the little ones, but feel free to take a seat and watch the choreography your students have been learning all season!”

Bucky followed the others, who seemed to already be acquainted with each other, into a small observing room attached to the studio where AJ was practicing. Bucky stuck himself in the back corner and watched AJ through the one-sided mirror for only a couple of minutes when his name was suddenly called.

“James Barnes?”

Bucky looked up to see a woman standing in the doorway. He ignored the glances that turned his way as he followed the woman out the door.

Did they know who he was? Did they know what he had done? Or maybe they had no idea. Maybe they were judging him for not engaging with them in polite conversation, maybe they thought he was weird for hiding silently in the corner.

Bucky pushed the thoughts out of his head as the (attractive, he might add,) woman opened the door for him into a new room. It wasn’t huge, but it wasn’t a closet either, and Bucky immediately noted the lines of clothing racks stuffed with colorful dresses that lined the walls.

“I just need to get your measurements quickly for your costume. I can take them now, or if you’re more comfortable, I can send you a list of measurements I need and you can get those numbers to me on Thursday if you’d prefer.”

Bucky thought for a moment. He wasn’t entirely sure how to take his own measurements, and he sure as hell did not want Sam of all people helping him. On the other hand, having a stranger so close to him sounds embarrassing and stressful. But he saw the kindness in her eyes, and oddly enough, he felt he could trust her.

“Now is fine."

“Sounds good.” She gave the sweetest smile he had ever seen and told him where to stand. He took off his jacket with ease, feeling somewhat comfortable knowing he had a long-sleeved shirt under to hide his metal arm. He kept his leather gloves on, and she said nothing.

She demonstrated to him how to hold his arm, and he obeyed, holding his right arm out and bent at the elbow. She chatted as she brought the tape measure along his arm. “Which kid is yours?”

“Oh, none of them.”

He noticed the subtle tilt of her head.

“I mean, I’m not a dad, but I’m AJ’s uncle. Well, a friend of his uncle but,”

Luckily, she stopped his ramble before he could truly embarrass himself.

“Oh, you’re Bucky?” She dropped the tape to her side and smiled. “I’ve met Sam a couple times, but I’ve heard all about you and him from Sarah.”

“Oh? All good things I hope?”

He asked in a lighthearted tone, but in reality, he was terrified of the things she’d heard about him.

“Only good things.” She grinned and grabbed the pencil behind her ear to scribble a number on a chart.

“That’s a relief.” His eyes scanned the room, trying to think up conversation to fill the silence. “So are you a parent volunteer?”

“Not a parent, no. I used to be a part of this program growing up. It’s done so much for me, and I wanted to stay connected, so I help out here and there when I can. I mostly fit the costumes.”

“That’s cool.”

Cool. Cool. Cool response Bucky. Ask her a question, dammit.

“Do you still dance?”

“Not anymore. Can you put both arms out to the side please?” She asked, and Bucky lifted his arms so she could measure his chest. She continued to make conversation as she wrapped the tape around him. “AJ is a great student. He has a lot of potential, he just needs to find his confidence. And he’s a great kid. You’re a lucky uncle.”

“I am,” Bucky responded, trying desperately to not freak out at how close she was to him, and how she was only going lower, as she moved to his waist.

She took a break to write down a couple more numbers and returned to him.

“Now I need a hip measurement, so I have to measure around your butt. Is that okay?”

Bucky gave a convincing nod. “Do what you gotta do.”

‘Do what you gotta do’? What the hell am I saying?

He avoided looking at her and held his breath as she brought the tape around his hips.

“Just a couple more measurements and you’ll be out of here,” she assured, dropping the tape from his hips. “You can put your arms down now.”

Bucky let his arms rest at his sides.

She quickly went about measuring his legs and finished a couple of minutes later.

“You’re all good to go, Mr. Barnes, thank you!”

“You can call me Bucky,” he tried to hide his bashful smile and started to exit out the door, but stopped and turned at the last moment. “What was your name again?”

“Oh, I’m Y/N.”

“It was nice to meet you, Y/N.”

He liked the way it felt on his tongue. With that, he said goodbye and returned to the observing room.

Thirty minutes later class was nearly over. All that was left on the agenda for the day was to form the groups.

“So it seems we have an odd number…Lois, is this everyone?” Ms. Cindy asked, looking over to her assistant.

“Everyone that signed up, yes.” Lois, a shorter girl with an auburn bob, tapped on a clipboard.

“Let’s just see how this goes. Mr. and Mrs. Tudor will be group one, Mr. and Mrs. Malone will be group two, Mrs. and Mrs. Cardoza will be group three, and that leaves Mr. Barnes…”

“We could have him be a single parent to his group?” Lois offered, looking up from her list.

“We could, but then who would he dance with at the party scene?”

Bucky swore he saw a literal lightbulb light up above Ms. Cindy’s head as her gaze fixated somewhere in the back of the room where you were simply passing by.

“Oh, Y/N? Dear?” She called in a uniquely falsetto voice.

“Yes, Ms. Cindy?” Y/N answered, pausing.

“I realize you’re already doing our costumes, but would you be interested in volunteering as one of the parents? We are short a person.”

“Oh, um…”

“You can think about it Dear. It’s no trouble if you feel that it’ll take up too much time, we appreciate you for your dedication to the costumes.” Ms. Cindy was careful to add.

Despite her initial hesitance, Y/N spoke up.

“I can do it.”

“Are you sure?” Ms. Cindy blinked, surprised by the answer.

“Yeah,” she breathed, “yes. I’ve already got measurements, all I need to do is submit an order. And I can’t tailor anything anyways until the shipment comes in.”

“A round of applause for our beautiful and dedicated Y/N, everyone!” Ms. Cindy cheered and began clapping her hands in a circle. The parents all joined in, and Bucky gave a quiet few claps. “That means Mr. Barnes and Y/N will play the fourth couple. Splendid!”

Lois tapped Ms. Cindy on the shoulder and pointed to her watch. Time was almost up. Ms. Cindy was fast to get back to business.

“Now let’s quickly assign each group their children, and then we can end rehearsal.”

“Buck, I’ve got some good news.” Sam’s voice flowed through Bucky’s phone.

It was Tuesday morning, and Bucky had been up and dressed since seven in the morning, eager to pick AJ up, even though class wasn’t until 5 p.m. He was currently lying on the couch, watching the clock tick by.

“What, you finally learned to use the potty like a big boy?” Bucky mocked.

“It was one time. ONE. TIME. You know I don’t fuck with clowns!”

“I don’t like clowns either, but you don’t see me shitting myself at the Halloween Festival.” Bucky quietly chuckled.

“First of all, I didn’t ‘shit’ myself. I peed. A little. And second of all, I had a lot of hot chocolate beforehand, and my bladder was at max capacity, and—why the hell am I explaining this to you?”

“Because you know I’m never going to let you live it down.”

“Moving on,” Sam sighed, “I was calling to tell you that you don’t need to be in the performance with AJ anymore.”

Bucky shot up from his lying position. “What do you mean?”

“My schedule freed up a bunch so I can take AJ and be in the show now.”

“Oh.”

Bucky slumped back onto the cushions, dejection dripping from his voice. Sam clearly picked up on it.

“What do you mean, ‘Oh’? I thought this was good news for you. I know I forced it onto you and all, and your thing isn’t really being on stage in front of a bunch of people.”

Bucky picked at the edges of his fingers, carefully considering his next words.

“I mean it’s not my thing, but—I don’t know, I feel like I’ve committed. And I get to spend some time with AJ, y’know? And, truth be told, it’s not all bad.”

There was a pause on the line before Sam’s voice rang through.

“That’s awfully sweet Buck. And very out of character for you.”

“Shut the fuck up, I can be nice.”

“Yes, of course. Bucky Barnes, the world’s famous sweetheart, how could I forget?”

“I’m hanging up now,” Bucky warned.

“Bye, metal man.”

“Fuck off bird brain.” Bucky was about to hang up, but quickly added in a serious tone, “I’ll be there this afternoon to pick AJ up.”

“You’re a good man.”

“Whatever.”

“Welcome back everybody!” Ms. Cindy’s high voice rang. “We are going to practice the beginning of the show where the families enter the party. We’ll take it group by group, so let’s start with group one, the Tudors. Your family is super excited for this party, so we’ll have you enter stage right and I need the children to be skipping and bubbly.”

Ms. Cindy instructed the groups one by one. Eventually, she got to Bucky’s group, which he shared with you and four kids, including AJ.

“And our final group, group four, is the family that does not want to attend. The parents should be trying to get the kids to smile, and at least act like they are happy to be there.”

Bucky let you take the lead and simply followed what you did. He walked beside you, stopped when you stopped, turned when you turned.

“Good, now make it look like you are trying to get the kids to smile.”

Bucky copied the way you pointed to your cheery smile and did his best to ignore the embarrassment bubbling in his chest.

The comically grumpy—and much better actors than him—kids sighed and plastered on cheery expressions.

“Good, and you can continue walking.” Ms. Cindy ordered.

Group four finished the short trek across the stage successfully. For such a simple task, Bucky had felt surprisingly nervous.

Ms. Cindy quickly gave her praise and ordered everyone to start over. As Bucky and his group were going back to the line, she offered some advice.

“Y/N and Mr. Barnes, could you try holding hands? You don’t look as ‘coupley’ as everyone else.”

Bucky gulped. Of course you don’t look as ‘coupley’ as everyone else, all the other couples are actually couples, and married for God’s sake!

You, on the other hand, simply said “Okay.”

“Group one, go,” Ms. Cindy called, and the Tudors began to cross the makeshift stage.

The line moved forward, and Bucky with it. He began to sweat a little.

Hold your hand? With my left hand? My metal hand?

She simply glanced at him and gave him a small smile.

“And group two,” Ms. Cindy called.

Everyone stepped forward.

The good news is that Bucky was wearing his gloves, but surely she’d notice his hand felt different and think he was weird. Although, did she already know about his arm situation? She did mention that she’d heard about him and Sam from Sarah. Maybe she already knew, and wouldn’t care?

“Group three!”

Bucky looked back at the kids trailing behind him and spotted AJ beaming right back at him. Suddenly, Bucky felt ridiculous.

Bucky, you’re being an idiot. Be a man and hold her hand. It’s not that deep. You’re doing this for AJ.

“And four,”

He grabbed her hand and started to walk with her. The first thing he noticed was how small her hand felt in his. It gave him an unfamiliar tingly feeling in his chest. He wasn’t sure he liked it, but it was better than anxiety.

He tried his best to puff out his chest and mimic her confidence as they walked. Bucky stopped halfway through, like they were supposed to, and turned to face the kids like last time. He pretended to point to his smile and finished the walk across the stage.

“Excellent! Let’s move on.”

Bucky managed to make it through the entire class without sweating his clothes off from nerves.

“You ready to go, AJ?”

AJ yelped, “Wait! I want you to meet one of my friends!” He dramatically waved over to a little girl with a sunflower barrette in her hair who came skipping over. “This is Ava.”

“Hi, Ava.” Bucky gave an awkward smile.

The little girl looked up at him unphased.

“Hi, Mr. Bucky. So are you really a superhero?”

Straight to the point, huh? “Oh—um,”

“He is!” AJ butted in, “He’s friends with my Uncle Sam, they save the world all the time!”

Ava crossed her arms across her chest and jutted a leg out.

“So can you fly?” She squinted.

“Nope, I can’t fly.” Bucky began to rub the back of his neck.

“Can’t your Uncle Sam fly?” She asked, looking at AJ with skepticism.

“Yep!”

“So if you can’t fly, what can you do?”

Before Bucky could even begin to stutter, Y/N appeared.

“Hey, Ava! I think your mom is looking for you.” She said, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder.

“Okay, I gotta go. Bye AJ,” Ava quickly spouted and ran off towards the doors.

“Bye!” AJ shouted.

Bucky noticed Y/N holding his blue cap out to him.

“I think you forgot your hat.” She spoke softly.

“Didn’t even realize, thanks.”

“It’s no problem, Bucky.”

Bucky was about to give a lopsided grin when AJ interjected,

“Only friends and family call him that.”

“Oh, I’m sorry! James, then.” She brought her hand to her cheek.

“No, no, Bucky is fine,” Bucky quickly corrected, “you can call me Bucky.”

“You’re sure? I don’t mean to overstep,”

“You aren’t, I like it when you call me Bucky.”

He instantly felt his cheeks get warm at his confession. Before she could respond, he quickly changed the subject.

“Oh, by the way, I wanted to let you know that I can’t be here at the next rehearsal. AJ will be here, but I completely forgot that I’ve got an appointment that day.” A monthly check-in with Dr. Raynor that he forgot to move. “I don’t know if you want me to meet somewhere instead, or I can just come early on Tuesday and you can catch me up to speed or…I mean whatever you think is best.”

“If you want, we can meet on Friday at my place. I can send you the address if you’d like?”

“Yeah, yes, sure, let me get my phone—” he fumbled while grabbing it out of his pocket, “what’s your number?”

“Hey, come on in!” Y/N appeared behind the crisp white door of a cute house, not unlike the Wilson’s, and gestured inside before grimacing. “Sorry, I should’ve asked before, are you cool with dogs?”

Bucky nodded.

She gave a sigh of relief and fully opened the door. Bucky couldn’t help but smile at the graying corgi staring back at him.

“This is Frank,” Y/N said, bending down to bring the panting dog into her arms.

“Hi, Frank.” Bucky greeted, giving the dog gentle pets with his right hand. “Your house is lovely,” he added after catching a glance around.

“Oh, thanks!” She smiled, walking into the living room area to set the dog down on the couch. “This is actually my parent’s house, I’m just house and dog sitting for the week while they’re out of town. Usually, I live in my apartment.”

“Is this where you grew up?” Bucky asked, eyes searching the place. He noted the multitude of picture frames lining the wall and the slightly worn couch.

“The first eighteen years of my life. I told myself I’d be out of Louisiana by the time I went to college, but clearly that didn’t happen.”

“Where did you want to go?”

“New York, San Francisco, I don’t know, maybe even Australia or France.” she laughed at the absurdity and sighed. “C’est la vie,”

Bucky stuck his thumbs in his pockets and stared down at his feet, unsure of what to do next.

“Can I get you anything? Water? Iced Tea? I can make some coffee. Are you hungry?”

“Just water is fine,”

“Sure, one second.”

Bucky took the opportunity to explore the room. His curiosity was set on the shelf beside the fireplace, and the multitude of shiny awards it adorned.

Several faux gold figures of ballerinas and a plaque filled the space, as well as what looked to be a photo album. Bucky thought better than to touch it, however, he did notice the significant lack of dust on it compared to the trophies.

“I see the obnoxious shrine of my dancing days has caught your attention.”

Bucky spun around, cheeks a little pink at the notion of being caught wandering. He was looking for the right thing to say as you took a seat on the couch and placed the water on the coasters.

“Looks like you’re an amazing dancer.” He nodded, hoping that it was the appropriate thing to say.

She ducked her head at the compliment. “I was okay.” She pointed to just beyond his shoulder at the photo album. “You can look at it if you want,” she offered, clearly sensing his curiosity.

Bucky grabbed the binder from its spot on the shelf and took a seat next to her. He slowly opened the book to the first page.

There you were, 4 years old in a bright pink tutu, beaming at the camera. The page was covered in cute stickers and artistic swirls.

“My mom has a knack for crafty things,” she said, vaguely gesturing to the book.

Bucky hummed and began to gingerly flip through the pages. It was odd but endearing seeing you change through each photo and page, but one thing that stayed constant was your eyes. In every photo they had the same sparkle, the same light. It looked so right on you, but he didn’t recognize it in you now.

Bucky stopped on the page dedicated to age 17 and marveled at the costume you were wearing. He couldn’t look away from the intricate feathers and sequins.

“That was for our Spring production of Swan Lake.”

Bucky turned to see a subtle smile on her lips. She was looking at the book, but it seemed as if she was seeing right through it.

“You were the swan?”

“Odette, yeah.”

Bucky turned the page once more, except this time there was no photo—just the outline of where one would be on a mostly blank page, minus the glittering bold number “18”.

“Anyway, the choreography,” she quickly chimed, her attitude dramatically changing, “I’ve got the video right here, we can watch it first.”

She snatched the album up and placed it back on the shelf before handing him her phone. Bucky watched the thirty-second clip of two of the volunteers—possibly the Tudors if he remembered correctly—as they danced a shockingly simple routine.

“That’s it?” He cocked an eyebrow.

“That’s it.” She assured. “Ready to try it?”

“I might be a little rusty, it’s been a while since I’ve danced.”

She turned on the music and started counting under her breath.

They started by facing each other, their right palms in front of them, and placed against each other. They both took a step in, a step out and circled around the other to which they were now in the opposite places. She curtsied, he bowed, and then they repeated the step in, step out, switch. Now they stood next to each other, and she held her arm out over his. They took three steps forward, and the music grew into a faster tempo.

“Easy enough?” Y/N asked, grabbing her phone to stop the music.

It was suspiciously simple, Bucky thought, but then again, the adults were just a small addition to the show. It’s really about the kids.

“We can make this more interesting.” He remarked.

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s try it again.” Bucky gestured to her phone.

She obliged and restarted the music.

They went through the routine again, all the way to the end at which the music began to speed up. As Y/N went to pause the music again, Bucky grabbed her arm and pulled her in. She gave a surprised gasp, but Bucky wasn’t regretful once he saw the smile on her face. He pulled himself back and began to spin her around and basked in her soft laughs. After pulling her back in again, and dancing around each other, he dipped her. She wrapped her right leg around him in response and he hoped she didn’t notice his smirk transform into a blush.

“Alright Mr. ‘I might be a little rusty’, someone has moves!”

Bucky helped her up once she removed her leg.

“I used to be better,” he mumbled.

“None of that,” she softly chided, bringing his chin up, “where did that confidence just go?”

Bucky shook his head. “I’ll keep practicing, then you’ll see,” he simpered.

Time went on and not a day went by that Bucky didn’t think of you. After weeks of practice, it was finally dress rehearsal. Bucky was surprisingly calm even though they were no longer practicing in a studio, but in the local high school’s theater, in full costume. You held his hand through it—literally, for some parts—and Bucky was grateful for it.

It was Friday night, the final rehearsal before the show the next day, and Bucky was just about to drive off when he realized how cold his hand felt against the steering wheel. He cursed himself and ran back inside, luckily finding his leather gloves sitting on a chair in the wings of the stage. Right as he was about to scamper off, he noticed a figure at the very front of center stage. He recognized her immediately, and without a second thought, he approached from the darkness of the sides and into the light of the stage. She had already changed out of her ballgown and was back in black leggings.

“Hey.” He uttered, slowly taking a seat next to her at the end of the stage. He let his legs dangle over the edge.

“Hey,” she gasped, bringing a hand to her heart. “Sorry, I thought everyone had left.”

“I forgot my gloves.”

“Seems like you have a habit of forgetting things,” she teased.

“Only when it comes to clothing, apparently.”

“Is AJ not waiting for you?”

“No, he left with a friend. He’s got a sleepover with Marshall tonight.”

“Gotcha.”

A thoughtful quiet settled over them, but Bucky couldn’t ignore the somberness in her eyes, gazing over the expanse of empty velvet seats.

“Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Shoot.”

“Why’d you stop dancing?”

She was quiet for a minute. Bucky started to think she wasn’t going to answer, but eventually, she whispered,

“I didn’t have much of a choice.”

She began mindlessly rubbing her knee.

“I tore my ACL my senior year. It was our annual production of The Nutcracker and I was cast as the Sugar Plum Fairy. There was a rumor that some influential talent scouts were going to be attending. So when my knee started hurting I ignored it. I didn’t tell anyone. I worked my ass off and pushed myself harder when I really should have been resting, but I was stupid.” She gave Bucky a short glance. “Opening night came, and so did my solo. Everything was going fine until I heard a pop. Next thing I know my leg is on fucking fire and I’m hitting the ground.

“I embarrassed myself and our entire company. My knee took longer to heal than it should have because of more poor choices I made. What should have been nine months of healing turned into years. By the time it was safe enough to start dancing again, it was too late. I was too far behind my peers. Even still I sometimes have issues with it.”

Bucky simply nodded, taking in her words.

“I tell myself I’m over it because it was so long ago. But deep down I know I’m not. I’ve asked my parents to take down all of my stupid awards, at least store them away somewhere, because it’s just some sick reminder of what I lost. Actually, the whole reason I started volunteering in the first place is because my mom told me I should. Said it could be good for me. She never said so, but I really think she was hoping that by being surrounded by ballet again, I would feel motivated to begin training again. But it’s a pipe dream.”

She took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling.

“All I ever was was a dancer. And a good one. It was the only thing I was good at, besides sewing, but I only learned that after I injured myself. The whole town knew me as the dancer. I guess the problem with having my entire identity wrapped around one thing is that when that thing goes away…well, who are you? Who am I, if not the girl who’s going to be on the stage one day? My entire identity was ripped from me.

“I’ve just been wading through life. Time keeps moving and crashing around me, but I haven’t changed. I still don’t know who I am, besides the girl who could’ve been great. And now I’m just—stuck.”

Her eyes went wide for a second before squeezing them shut as if she had forgotten she wasn’t alone.

“God, I’m so sorry, you didn’t need to know all of that—”

“No, I—” Bucky stopped her and hesitated to rest his hand on hers. “I can empathize. I hate that you had to go through that. That you’re still going through it. I can understand not knowing who you are anymore.

“A long time ago, I used to be someone else. I used to be charming, independent… happy. But after I was drafted my identity was no longer my own. I was a fighter. I belonged to the army. And then I belonged to Hydra. And even after, I belonged to the Avengers, the world, whoever needed me to fight, I was their soldier. But I’m tired.” At those words, Bucky slumped. “I don’t want to fight anymore. But I have no fucking clue who I am if not a soldier. I’ve been trying to figure that out.”

“I can’t tell you who you are,” she whispered after a moment, “but I can tell you that whoever you are, I like you.”

Bucky blushed.

“I like you too. It’s kind of embarrassing actually,”

“What is?”

“I didn’t really want to volunteer for this. Sam forced me. And while I love being here for AJ, I’d much rather hang out with him outside the theater where I’m not expected to be looked at on stage. But then I met this pretty costume designer…and suddenly it wasn’t so bad.”

“Pretty?” She asked, tilting her head.

“Beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous.” He specified.

“What a coincidence. I also met the most handsome and charming man recently.”

“Charming?”

“He doesn’t realize how charming he is. I guess that’s part of his charm.”

“He sounds great.” He turned to face her more directly. “Just to be clear, you are talking about me, yes?”

“Yes, you oaf.” She laughed.

Bucky pursed his lips.

“Would you be willing to let this oaf take you out on a date sometime?”

“More than willing.”

“That’s a relief,” he sighed, falling back onto the stage. “I figured it was 50/50.”

She gave him a silly grin and shook her head in amusement.

“You underestimate yourself, Bucky Barnes.”

The final performance was perfect. Well, as perfect as it could be with a production of the Nutcracker with dancers ages ranging from 6 to 106. Most importantly, AJ had fun and did a fantastic job. After the show and final bows, Sarah, Sam, and Cass came rushing onto the stage to congratulate AJ (and Bucky of course. Sam made sure to tell him that he was very proud of how brave he was, and Bucky rolled his eyes. He secretly appreciated it, though.) Cass handed one bouquet to his little brother and the other to his uncle, who funny enough lit up in a similar way as his nephew at the gift. But Y/N lit up the most when Sarah handed a third bouquet to her.

“For keeping Bucky in line, and giving a beautiful performance,” Sarah clarified.

“You’re so sweet,” she beamed, pulling Sarah in for a quick hug. “I have the perfect vase for this.”

“Can we go get ice cream now?” AJ jumped.

“Let’s get you out of your costume first,” Sam said and gave a quick wink to Bucky before herding his sister and Nephews backstage. “We’ll see you by the car Buck.”

Bucky nodded and turned his full attention to Y/N. He felt weirdly high after the performance. “Wanna join us for ice cream?” He asked, placing his hands on her waist.

“Gladly.” She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck.

I like dancing with you.

A/N: If you've made it this far, tysm for reading!!! I really hope this doesn't suck complete ass, idk what happened 😰 Im going to go hide in a hole now and question everything

If you'd like to read more, here's my Masterlist

Happy holidays!

#bucky fic #bucky barnes fic #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky x f!reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x f!reader #tfatws!Bucky #dancer!reader #costumer!reader #bucky fluff #bucky angst #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff

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lovingeddiediaz · 4 months

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9-1-1 rant. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this season and a lot of them aren’t good. Love this show, I’ve been watching live since season 3 but yikes that finale was a mess imo definitely one of my least favorites for sure. Very underwhelming. The whole season in general was wacky.

I’ve been feeling this way for at least 2 seasons now. I feel like 911 has been trying to fit these LARGE stories that they don’t have time for or are failing to make time for in these episodes. I get that this season was shortened, but if they can’t properly flush out a story in time, they should figure something else out instead of simplifying it and cutting out so many parts that it loses the build up and the emotion and captivation.

So much happens off screen that I feel like should be SHOWN. like we didn’t get to see Chris upset in the moment when he saw the Shannon lookalike, the scene cut out after he said mom. All we see is just him in his bed telling Eddie to go away later. We didn’t see the confrontation with Marisol and Eddie and her leaving, just an offhand comment of her not coming back later. We didn’t see the phone call that had Buck rushing over. We didnt get to see Eddie at his house alone after Chris leaves, just him leaving with his grandparents and boom, cut scene. We didn’t get to see hen or Chim at Bobby’s bedside.

We don’t get to see the aftermath of ANYTHING. The show keeps cutting the scenes just short and it has been pissing me off so much. They’re missing out on so much depth bc they’re doing too goddamn much at once and too quick.

All action, no build up or payoff. Just one thing after another. You don’t even have time to let your emotions settle and follow the characters bc it’s over so soon. You don’t get to worry and grieve alongside the characters. Bobby almost died and then boom he’s fine again like nothing happened. Like what am I supposed to be emotional over? He almost died in the desert just a couple episodes before that and then he was fine, no mention of it again.

Idk it seems like this show has been doing a lot of telling instead of showing when it comes to what are supposed to be emotionally charged scenes, like Buck saying how he was worried he was gonna lose Bobby but we didn’t really see that. All we got was a teary eye when Buck told Eddie he was in the hospital. Didn’t get to see the team actually save bathena in the beginning, so seeing them get the medals held no weight, like cool we’re told they saved them but we didn’t see shit. We didn’t get to see any of the madney wedding buildup like picking flower arrangements and a venue and dress/tuxedo shopping or anything like that, just assume off screen obviously XD

Buck’s sexuality arc being reduced to background noise also sucks. He kissed a man and then they said ok cool good enough moving on now. Not even bothering to deepen/develop his relationship with Tommy (are they even together or are they still going on dates?? No fuckin clue lmao), instead of a meaningful conversation between them in the finale it’s turned into a sexual joke like come ON, besides the first kiss and the second kiss that Buck initiates, their scenes are meaningless imo and that’s sad bc I was so excited for this storyline in the beginning but again, there’s nothing there. No substance.

And don’t even get me started on henren’s storyline. How many times are they gonna recycle the ‘person gets in the way of henren expanding their family’ bullshit before they finally get creative and think of something new? What is that, 3 times now? It’s just annoying at this point lmao I’m over it.

Why is Tim so against happy storylines? I know he said something along the lines of people wouldn’t watch if the characters were happy, but I think that’s bullshit. If you can’t captivate an audience with positive stories then I think you have a skill issue. Big drama and angst doesn’t equal good story telling and writing. Couldn’t even give madney a nice wedding like wtf.

Idk. I hope next season is thought out better.

#911 spoilers #911 on abc #911 abc #911 discourse #911 discussion #evan buckley #henrietta wilson #karen wilson #chimney han #eddie diaz #maddie han #henren #athena grant #bobby nash #buddie #bathena #madney

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 1 month

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s3 episode 24 thoughts

here we are. the s3 finale. i am so excited!!! and after such a fantastic last episode, my expectations are high. also, having now seen 3 season finales, i have the sneaking suspicion that this one will also be a cliffhanger, which will get on my nerves a bit i’m sure as i get all my s3 stuff around before beginning s4, but again i extend my retroactive sympathies to the people who had to wait like a year to actually see what happened next back when it was airing.

(author's note: since this one involved a lot of shape shifting, writing a play-by-play description of what was going on was quite tricky. just know i did my best and hopefully that is what matters <3)

this episode description makes it sounds like i’m gonna cry from some mulder family angst. i am preparing myself mentally.

we shall begin.

we open at a food court sort of situation, which makes me once again mourn the fact that i missed the golden age of malls, as i would have devoured that. oh, it actually seems to just be a restaurant. well, my own wishful thinking, i suppose.

this man is very upset and making others uncomfortable with his loud yelling slash crying. so he pulls out a gun which makes people even more uncomfortable. he says the kids can leave but everyone else has to stay which seems like it will make things much worse for those kids?? but i digress.

a second man emerges from the back, asking the fellow with the gun to please not shoot. this second man is in a suit and tie, and has a very calming presence. to me, he shall be calming man. calming man talks him out of shooting, and i’m thinking yes!! what a save!!!

... until the gunman sees the police arrive, and then he DOES start shooting into the crowed. this is so sad to see happening. shooter has a bullet wound to the chest from the snipers outside sent to stop him, but calming man says he is not going to die, and heals him by placing his hand on him????

WOAH….. calming man….. you have powers…… get him in a hospital STAT, we need him to lay hands on a LOT of people... like a priest with a 100% success rate

mulder and scully are rolling up to the scene. scully is baffled because there is no one that needs medical attention, despite hearing that a bunch of people got shot!!

so she talks to one of the guys that was shot, and he only has a little hole in his shirt, which she simply lifts up and looks under. and i was laughing because she was in Doctor Mode but it is lowkey weird as hell to just lift some dude’s shirt up and analyze his tummy LMAO. oh she is so endearing to me. this man explains that even though he was shot, calming man touched him and said everything would be okay, and it was! that's suspicious. that's weird.

mulder is peeking his head into the car where the shooter is being held (typical mulder activities, peeking his head into places and whatnot) then he gets right in there with him. the shooter’s name is mr. muntz, and mulder wants to know what happened. mulder has some messy hair going on, but he is speaking very calmly and professionally... that oxford psych degree is showing!

mr. muntz says god spared his life, assuming that calming man must have been sent by god OR is god himself. which i suppose is a logical conclusion to draw.

somehow, calming man just DISAPPEARED from the scene. which is not what you want a guy to do in such a situation!!! unless, perhaps, he has fled to do some more miracle working, in which case i hope he teleports far and wide.

cutscene to rhode island. this lady is approaching a house, which is filled with plastic covering all of the furniture.

(author's note: i literally had no idea that "this lady" was mrs. mulder. and honestly given how much attention i pay to all the details- from the exact episode mulder mentioned jimi hendrix that one time to knowing scully did her residency in forensic medicine- i have no excuse for this. it is deeply humbling to realize the limits of my memory, which so often i think is close to fool-proof. i apologize to mrs. mulder but i, for some reason, thought she had brown hair. please accept my heartfelt apology, mrs. mulder. i have only seen you briefly before, which is a reason, but not an excuse for such a careless mistake)

she walks in, and sees a door is open to the outside. so she (author's note: mrs. mulder) follows along, and who does she see but CANCER MAN??? he remarks that everything changes but the sea. well the sea is constantly changing so take that, cancer man.

this woman (MRS. MULDER, god i'm cringing at my past self) wants to know what exactly he wants from her, and he says “we used to have so much to say to each other” ???? “SO MANY GOOD TIMES AT THE MULDERS’ SUMMER PLACE” HUH???

he makes a jab about how bill wasn’t as good at water skiing as he was, but that could be said about so many thing, couldn’t it? and WHERE DOES THIS DUDE GET OFF?

(this is funny because cancer man lowkey sucks at his job and i won't let him forget that. like at the big UN council meeting everyone was pissed at him for losing the tape and trying to kill skinner and being generally just Fucking Bad at his work, so for him to say all this is quite comical)

the woman says she has repressed it all and i don’t blame her because i would also want to repress any moments with this man, but he says he came her to make her remember something. they’re fighting as a camera takes pictures. WHO IS TAKING PICTURES OF THIS?

okay, back to the virginia crime scene with our agents. calming man has given his name as “jeremiah smith”, but left a fake P.O. box and has no driver’s license. suspicious!!!!

mulder gets a call from skinner- one that “might cause him some alarm”. it’s his mother!!! she has been admitted to the hospital in rhode island, in serious condition!!! skinner stumbles on the pronunciation of the town she's in, but clearly it means something to mulder, because he knows where she is!! he says he is on his way

next thing we see is him bursting in into the room, with scully waiting behind him. something so lovely about scully coming along to be with him at such a terrible moment.

OMG IT’S HIS MOM….. why did i forget what his mom looked like?? am i actually the worst at this?? (<- the moment i Realized)

he grabs her hand and puts his hand on her forehead (i’m going to cry) and scully comes in and explains that she had a stroke. he notices that she is cold and puts another blanket over her (oh my gosh... such an attentive and caring son) and scully tries to reassure him not to think the worst, that people recover from these situations all of the time. i paused to write this down and he has this big sad eyes and i’m gonna CRY. he’s touching her hair and whispering “mom” and AUGHHHH. his only remaining family member...

apparently a 911 call came in… i guess that it was probably cancer man who called. and who probably did this somehow.

OH! she opens her eyes! he smiles at her and tells her everything is going to be okay. ohhh, sweet man...

scully realizes mrs. mulder wants something to write on, and busts out a pen and paper because she is always prepared!!!! and i love that about her!!!

so mrs. mulder writes on the paper “PALM”, which he looks at and repeats, but it’s not clear if he gets what that means or not. here i am thinking that it means some sort of treasure will be hidden beneath a palm tree

he’s watching her being taken away to another hospital as scully looks at some paperwork to figure out what exactly happened to her. and she uses her doctoral skills to tell him that they are optimistic on her recovery. it’s so sweet 😭😭😭 she does everything she can to ease his worries. i love her!!!!!!

but mulder thinks there is a correlation between what went down at the shooting in virginia and here- because she wrote the word “palm”, which is what calming man used to heal the victims of the gunman. and that seems like a stretch to me and to scully, but a grieving mind works in intricate ways, and we already know that mulder has the most intricate of minds, so maybe he's onto something.

he senses that it’s a bit of a leap, and she tries to very gently explain that it might not mean anything, that her brain has been radically changed. she says she is gonna drive him to the nearest motel (😭😭😭) and he says no, we’re going to DC and finding out who this calming man "jeremiah smith" is. omg buddy let her book you a motel and get some rest... but no, for he has entered his bloodhound mode, and there is no stopping him in such a situation

so now it’s 8:25 am the next day, and they are watching some tapes from the news footage while she sits on his desk. and sure enough, they find the guy on the newsreel- calming man jeremiah smith- and they even see that he vanished! it seems like someone else took his place, wearing the same clothes??? now how would that work….

mulder decides he must leave, and where to? “if i told you, you’d never let me go” <- okay well at least he’s sort of honest? scully reminds him he hasn’t slept in 24 hours, but he goes on anyway, telling her to give him a call if she finds anything on the tapes. a sigh from scully as she wonders what the hell he is up to.

now we’re at the social security administration, which is frankly pretty dystopian- so very aggressively white, with spaced out desks, giving extreme retro futurism in that special 90's kind of way. but here is the calming man at a desk, as tons of people in suits and with microphones come in! calming man jeremiah smith walks out the back door and is snagged… under the watchful eye of CANCER MAN??????

seriously, what does this dude even DO beyond be mysterious and nosy?!!!

so they put calming man jeremiah smith in a full body restraint and bring him into some sort of jail cell???? i just KNOW he was not read his rights, too...

mulder, meanwhile, has driven all the way BACK to rhode island, to the house covered in plastic. it is very quiet and dark. he makes his way outside, where we see someone watching him. it’s X!!!!!

X opens the door and tells mulder that cancer man was HERE WITH HER. IT WAS ON HIS ORDERS THE PHOTOS OF THEM FIGHTING WERE TAKEN!!! or maybe it was him hiding in the bushes snapping the pics?? that option is funnier to imagine, so i shall.

X is shocked that mulder didn’t know his mother and cancer man knew each other, but he very seriously says that he has no idea. and X clarifies that he didn’t hurt her, she collapsed AFTER he left- it was X that made the phone call to 911!

ah, that makes more sense than cancer man doing the calling, as i had suspected. although, clearly cancer man WANTS something from her, so maybe he would want to save her life. but then i had assumed he was the one who somehow made her have a stroke- but if he wanted something from her, nearly killing her would make that hard, right? unless he just comes close enough in killing her to scare her... hmm, i'm theorizing, and it feels like some sort of sick chess game.

OH! it seems cancer man wants something in this house. and mulder is surprised because on the day his parents divorced, she promised to never set foot here again. in the "SUMMER HOUSE"- yes, that was the wording he used. bro... how much money were they paying his dad to mess with aliens for them to live in martha’s vineyard AND have a summer house? 😭😭 that was blood money they were paying him fr and it must have been a hell of a paycheck. i have student loans, maybe i should get into the alien secrets business.

so whatever is here has to be important. but mulder tells X he has no idea what it is. xXseems to be hiding something, but maybe that is just his face.

back at the FBI, scully is heading out- or possibly heading back into work? as she does this, “jeremiah smith” arrives! she is very taken aback but jumps into work immediately. he says he is here to turn himself in, because it was claimed he fled a crime scene.

SO WAS THAT NOT HIM IN THE FULL BODY RESTRAINT?? or are we dealing with teleportation here? i mean we have healing already, teleportation isn’t much of a jump i suppose.

(i was so damn confused lol)

now we are with calming man jeremiah smith in skinner’s office, where he claims that everything seemed like a dream from the moment he told the man to put his gun down forward. he claims he doesn’t remember anything, not even giving a false address. he only remembers showing up for work the next day. so... was his body like possessed or something?

he’s like “what did i do wrong :(“ and scully says he didn’t do anything wrong!!!!! skinner says that he can go, but to let them know if he leaves town. she shrugs her shoulders at skinner, not knowing what happened. scully is so kind...

back to rhode island, where mulder has a flashlight. the house is covered with children’s artwork and whimsical chickens. he’s looking through all of the stuff for anything of interest. it’s a fascinating walk through of how they must have lived, with her sewing kits tucked in drawers and toys in boxes. something about seeing their childhood makes my heart want to melt. poor kids, they had no idea what was to come...

he’s getting angry at not finding anything of use, tossing things around, before sitting on the now non-plastic covered couch, when he pulls her note out- and realizes that “palm” is an anagram for “lamp”! is this a clue??? must we inspect the lamps??? of which there are many???

yes, we must. he’s throwing this first one into the wall like link when he sees a pot that might have a rupee in it. but it doesn’t seem to have anything useful in the first one, so it becomes a lamp tossing session. and in the second one, he finds a metal tube thing!!!

when he presses the side of the metal tube thing, a giant needle emerges!! is this one of those needles they used in s2 to vanquish the nearly indestructible aliens?? are there more in any other lamps??

now cancer man is back in the jail cell with the dude he took hostage that i thought was calming man jeremiah smith. well, whoever it is, he has jeremiah smith’s face. cancer man very dramatically sits in front of him and lights up. jeremiah says he isn’t ashamed of his actions, but cancer man says he isn’t “allowed to put your indulgences ahead of the greater purpose”. OH! so this must be a real life alien. that takes people’s shapes? i suppose?

YES! like that hit man did in the s2 arc that wound up with mulder nearly dead after the battle of that strange submarine!! whose blood induced the virus that led him to be soaked in an ice bath! i’m recalling!!

so, calming man jeremiah smith says he no longer believes in the "greater purpose", to which cancer man replies “then your fate is just”.

now hold on. what are you going to do to this man? there might be some intergalactic diplomatic repercussions for acting unwisely here, bucko.

they’re having a poetry off as they talk about duty and the terror of jeremiah smith giving the people hope. cancer man says men can never be free because they are “weak, corrupt, worthless, and restless”, some of my favorite adjectives . so he sees himself as this authority figure adjacent to god in this world in which man no longer believes.

well he's wrong on many accounts for 1. he is not god, just a guy who lowkey sucks at his alien job, and 2. scully is very much a believer of god and science, so take your stupid dichotomies and ego and smoke on THAT, cancer man

oh, but the tables are turning. “how many must die at your hand to preserve your stake in the project?” ooooh read him, calming man jeremiah smith!!! get him for me and again for missy.

cancer man seems deeply unsettled and tries to get out because calming man jeremiah smith is no longer calming man… HE HAS A NEW FACE?? IS THAT DEEP THROAT! he seems deeply scared… was cancer man scared of deep throat??? what was their power dynamic?!? oh, the things we will likely never know...

i have missed seeing deep throat around. but cancer man basically says that this alien’s execution date is coming. damn. they kill you for saving others. we really live in a society...

back to mulder, who is barging into skinner’s office. he tells his secretary to hold his calls, and it is appearing evident that he has not slept in a long time. he walks right into a meeting between skinner and scully, and says he wants his name and everything about "him"! which "him", you ask? you know the one!

“i want the smoking man smoked out; i want him exposed to be the murdering son of a bitch that he is” he says, and YAAAAS i have been wanting to say these lines for 3 seasons now!!!

skinner is not pleased with this, and reveals that he doesn’t even KNOW his name, nor how he can find it, and they are yelllling. mulder says to scully that cancer man is trying to kill calming man jeremiah smith, but she says that he had JUST been there, and he works for the social security administration, which sets mulder off on another quest. in which she joins!!

(skinner says something really interesting here- that there might have been a time when he could have been able to find out cancer man's identity, but that time has since passed. very interesting, i'd love to know what that means...)

off to the faraway and magical land of the social security administration, where mulder apprehends jeremiah smith. he looks to scully asking what is going on, and she also has no answers.

so they get to the FBI and he starts to bolt!!! he falls down and comes up… with a new face?!! and then he disappears into the crowd!!!

SO WHAT IS GOING ON??? are there TWO ALIENS?? are they TELEPORTING?? are they shapeshifting?? HUH??

cancer man goes back to the individual i shall now refer to as the “jail cell alien” because he no longer bears the face of calming man. damn, this is really confusing to write out, and very much tied to visual media as a storytelling vessel. i hope that you are familiar with what i’m talking about so you have any idea what i’m even saying, because i realize it sounds deeply incomprehensible.

alien asks why cancer man is so afraid of him, and claims that he knows everything about him. OH! “you think you’re god- you’re a drone, a cataloguer, chattel”, says cancer man, to which he is met with the reply “what you’re afraid of is they’ll believe i am god”

HEY WHAT! so what exactly is this dude’s job description?? like, either of them.

they’re talking about god and belief and fear and rule- “they don’t believe in Him, but they still fear Him” <- ooooh banger line on part of the cancer man.

(it seems that there is probably some very intentional real-world commentary on the illusion of freedom under democracy, the nature of the surveillance state, and how people are satiated under capitalism with all this talk to appeasement and there not being a god, but i’m not trying to crack that right now. i’m trying to figure out what this alien dude does beyond heal people and be cryptic. he says that humans have love, which makes them “better than us- better than you” SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? can he feel no love?)

they’re referring to some sort of process, and how cancer man wants to be involved when it begins, which i’m guessing is referring to some sort of alien-human joint conquest or hybridization or something?

GASP! alien changes his face again and proclaims that cancer man is… DYING OF LUNG CANCER!

fork spotted in kitchen. however, cancer man is sincerely gagged and doesn’t believe it. the absolute buffoonery going on…

now the alien from before that had escaped from the clutches of our agents has shape shifter again?? into the hit man we saw in s2! with the special alien killing needle!

so my memory is foggy… these aliens that the hit men are hunting are dissenters from the overall alien regime, right? they’re not different species of alien entirely?

but then what/who are the little grey ones…. are we witnessing intergalactic warfare here…?

(i gotta be so honest, i come here for the lingering tension between mulder and scully, so i’m a little fuzzy on how the actual alien stuff works)

anyway, the cronies of cancer man are bringing the hit man and his lethal needle into the cell where they’re holding the alien formerly known as calming man jeremiah smith, but… he isn’t in there!!!!! where did he go!!?!

so we have two aliens, both shapeshifters, taking the same face at times, one trying to kill the other. also cancer man is here and mulder’s mom is in the hospital, and for some reason she had one of those needles in her house. okay, i’ve got it.

back to the hospital- his mom isn’t getting better, and he is struggling to hear that, pulling a chair next to her while his eyes fill with tears. he’s crying as he holds her hand to his cheek. poor mulder :( losing all of his family :( it’s so sad honestly to see him cry :(

he leaves the room, attempts to compose himself, and sees cancer man in the hall!!!! uh oh! so mulder GRABS him, throws him against the wall, and pulls out his gun, saying “you gonna smoke that, or you want to smoke on this?” <- WHEW!!!!!!! he was not playing around before but now he is a NEW level of locked in… but careful… if you kill him, what he knows goes with him….

he even offers to give him brain damage but not kill him, so he can suffer like his mother does (DAMN!), which prompts the reveal that cancer man has known his mother since before he was born. he thinks about this and decides that he does NOT give a fuck.

he claims that SHE contacted HIM, (which isn’t what happened because we SAW what happened at the start of the episode?? he wanted her to remember something??) and also that he has possible information on his sister’s location. how many people are going to use this line on our guy...?

mulder puts the gun down as a nurse walks in, pivoting to asking where his sister is- but the man who might have that information has disappeared, according to cancer man. so he must be referring to the alien formerly known as calming man jeremiah smith.

mulder keeps saying that he has what he wants, presumably referring to the lethal needles, but cancer man denies wanting anything except to see how his mother is doing. he furiously puts his gun away.

back to scully cam!!! it’s late at night, but she is still at work, and she has her glasses on because she’s on the computer <3 she seems… puzzled. for the social security administration has records on SIX different jeremiah smiths, all from different locations, but with the SAME FACE!!! this is weird enough to prompt a call to mulder, who has no service, but is very angry in an empty parking lot.

X emerges into the parking lot- he is always emerging from places- and asks if he has “it”. he demands mulder give it to him, but he refuses.

mulder (correctly) points out that it is a weapon used to pierce the back of an alien's neck, which is the only way we can kill “them”. and X says it’s value will soar when the truth is revealed, so i’m wondering if we can get a rough time frame on when that will be so i can get my things in order before then. X says they will kill him for it, even if it risks making him a martyr and his research coming to light. oh, they must want it really bad... maybe it's a special kind of needle you just can't get on earth.

mulder says to X, so you’re talking about colonization, and you have a date, don’t you? but he refuses to give the weapon over. prompting a battle! they seem pretty evenly matched, and they both pull their guns out.

“if you shoot me, you’ll never find it” “i ought to shoot you anyway, after everything i’ve given you” says X, and WELL! X, you didn’t really do all that distribution of clues to mulder out of the goodness of your heart, did you… you’re leading him on a little quest on cancer man’s order’s, aren’t you???? I THINK YOU ARE!! but i don’t KNOW, because why then would he SNITCH on cancer man with those photos??!!!!

(not super clear on why exactly mulder wants to keep this thing other than keeping it out of the hands of evil, but maybe that is enough of a reason for him)

so they both have guns pointed at each other, and they’re limping away, and X announces that mulder is a dead man one way or the other. ????!!!!! i do not want him to be a dead man...

scully comes home to her place at 1 am… but someone is at the door. someone claiming to be jeremiah smith!!!! chat... do we believe it? and how did he even find where she lives...

he asks to be let in… and she is gonna let him in…? with only 3 minutes left in the episode….?! seems a risky move!

he says he has information on her partner and his sister. and scully says, well why didn’t you bring that up before!!! a very valid question! but get this- it's because he’s never SPOKEN to her before- that other man was an imposter, sent there to kill him!!!

OOOOH okay. so now the dual shape shifting aliens thing makes sense. one sent to hunt the other for breaking the rules... got it.

her phone is ringing as this goes down. it’s mulder, saying that “they” are looking for jeremiah smith, and to meet up off the I-95. so it’s very dark and creepy as they go to the rendez vous point.

mulder makes scully get behind him, getting between her and the alien formerly known as jeremiah smith (🩷) as he pulls out the alien killing needle. and this guy claims to be the OG calming man that healed those people, but that’s not really enough evidence for a guy like mulder. despite mulder's suspicious, the alien keeps saying he can explain everything. but first, mulder orders that he must come to see his mother.

OMG! so he wants to use the alien's powers to heal his mother! do you think it could work? i mean, a stroke and a bullet are different kinds of hurt... but maybe he could pull it off?

OH NO!!! who rolls up to this dark and creepy scene, but the hit man!!! a loud crescendo of music is playing and we get a TO BE CONTINUED

DAMN YOU, CHRIS CARTER!

i mean, i knew a cliffhanger ending was coming, but STILL.

okay, so what am i thinking about this episode… i am thinking that i don’t really know what is going on or where the loyalties lie. but it seems that alien colonization is eminent? and where does X fall on all of this? i assume he wanted the needle killer tool so HE could kill the REAL alien formerly known as calming man jeremiah smith, like cancer man wanted, for rebelling against their alien treaty and healing someone. but if that is what he wanted it for, and he is aligned with cancer man, why did he go behind his back to do the snooping on him with mulder’s mom?? was he trying to get mulder as an ally to do cancer man’s bidding through sneaky tricks??? or was he going to keep the needle out of cancer man's hands, and felt he could do it better than mulder could, so that by asking him to give up the needle, he would be saving mulder's life and risking his own? does he actually give a damn about mulder? also, how many different kinds of aliens are there??? and are they all lying about samantha?

so huh. umm. that was a lot of questions and not a lot of answers.

as interesting as this episode was plot-wise, and as much as i love angst, and how it pains me to see mulder mourn the potential loss of his mother, something in this episode just didn’t quite compel me. and then i realized: not enough scully. a criminal mistake, imo. takes what could be an amazing episode into an inherently mediocre one.

but, what we did see of her was her kindness, using her doctorly knowledge to try and lift mulder’s spirits, risking a lot of danger to try and get the answers for him, even if it means getting involved with alien bullshit. maybe she thinks it’ll bring her answers about her sister and her own abduction… yes, that has to be it. still, a grave sin to omit her. it just feels fundamentally Off.

so, that was the end of s3! well, as i have done twice before now, i’ll make my season wrap up posts before i get onto s4- even if it does end with a cliffhanger that is honestly SO rude. i’ll have to go over all my notes again to find the best moments and compile them, which is always a task (even if it is a major treat). and i have a feeling there will be a LOT of favorite moments this time around. plus i'll update the masterpost.

thank you to everyone who read this far, and reads this blog at all. i can't believe i am on season 4! it really makes my day to see people's reactions to the episode, learn fun facts, and experience the community in this fandom that i am otherwise denied by my persistence in avoiding spoilers. please feel free to go back and interact with old posts, too- it makes me so happy when i get notifications from that.

until next time, you agents in a dangerous back alley with some skirmishing aliens!

#this episode was a lot and writing down what happened was deeply confusing so i hope you can follow along #still i stand by my critique: not enough scully which makes me not really care that much #don't boo me! i'm right! compare this season finale with the last one! i need an even division of time on these two!#anyway curious to know what happens next but i stick to my work and my patterns #which means i shall compile some “best of” moments today or tomorrow as needed #i hope everyone enjoys and thank you for joining me on this ride!#juni's x files liveblog #the x files #txf

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crxzytogether · 1 month

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S4 vol 2 for us is what season 5/ending of the show is gonna be like for everybody else..

Not to the same extent(our insanity is unmatched) but like same idea but reversed-

Like yall that were there remember the heartbreak and disappointment we felt after watching volume 2. That first week of july 2022 was brutal- I’m not gonna speak for everyone but I know I was in tears and people I know were too like the fuckng monologue made my heart drop and I’m pretty sure I winced or grimaced first time I heard it and the tag was a mess- it was not a good time to join the fandom in hopes of believing we’d get what we expected. But then came the second watch. We saw things in a new light- analysis’s were coming left and right. So many new things discovered and talked about and we understood everything so much better after taking a step back, processing and coming back with a new mindset- idk if you can tell where im going with this lol but the ga is gonna go through the exact same thing when s5 drops. They’ll be confused upset questioning and then they’ll step back, they’ll see the cast and crew talk about everything from the beginning, they’ll rewatch the show trying to look for things they missed and end up with the omfg how did we not see it, it was right in front of us the whole time- And they’ll accept what they see because they can finally understand it. It’s gonna basically be what happened to us with vol 2 but reversed- and it’s gonna be so much better, on a much grander scale and- anyways. I’m so excited.

#byler #byler endgame #or theyll just be like huh whatever that’s weird let me go put on friends-

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rambling-addict · 2 years

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Ranking my favourite Avatrice moments from season 1-2…

a.k.a I have nothing better to do again.. a.k.a I miss them already… a.k.a I did it for Raylla, so I’m doing it for Avatrice too ;)

Just a quick BEWARE: Long post.

And without further ado:

#1 THE KISS SCENE. I don’t really need to say more, but I will, because look at them. This scene definitely takes top spot. It’s such a powerful scene, where both of them had finally let down their guards. It was the softness in Ava’s face and the surprise in Bea’s face, the craving in that brief kiss, the need to chase the feeling after the high, and that reluctant acceptance that this may be their last chance of feeling it all. It’s a rollercoaster of a scene that makes you wanna smile in glee and cry in frustration of what’s to come.

Also, “In the next”.. No words have ever hit me as hard since “May we meet again”. Some things, we don’t want to end and we cling to it desperately. But alas, it does. And so instead, you hope for “maybe someday”. “In the next life, may we meet again.” *dead*

…

#2 THE “I LOVE YOU” SCENE. I debated putting this as 1 or 2, because it’s a milestone confessing your feelings, but this scene was also bittersweet. At first, I was screaming for Beatrice to say it back immediately… but as I watched it again, I realised that she needed those few seconds after Ava said it, to finally accept what those words mean. Beatrice has been emotionally-repressed for probably most of her life. She was ashamed of who she is, and craved for validation. And so for someone to say that they love her, Beatrice took awhile to receive and give back those words.

What I love so much with this scene is how they cling to the last vestiges of what it feels like to touch each other. And Bea smiling back at Ava, despite the pain she feels. *dead again*

…

#3 THE FALL SCENE. A more lighthearted, but slightly dramatic moment— where Ava is classically Ava and Beatrice being the overprotective and anxious gf. These two are shameful for this overly sweet PDA, but slightly respectful in the sense that they probably would’ve kissed if Mother Superion wasn’t there. If anyone had any doubts about Ava reciprocating Bea’s feelings, this scene is a slap to those doubts. It evens slaps Michael in the face, lol. Like, “oh, she’s taken”. Ava has fallen, definitely—both literally and figuratively.

Also, if Mary was here (which she should’ve been), she’d probably be strolling over casually when Ava fell and be like “Relax, Bea. I pushed her down a cliff higher than that. The little shit’s okay.” It would’ve been a great comedic relief. But I guess I’ll take this sweet and dramatic scene.

…

#4 THE OG STARE SCENE. Yup, this is like #3, but in the baby Avatrice phase. It’s awkward, but electric. It’s an eye-opener for these two and there’s definitely an obvious spark. I’m sure this was one of the moments that took away the doubts of fans still questioning if they should ship them or not. Like, look at them. You don’t stare at someone like that and caress their face while your face is centimetres away. *ahem*supercorp*ahem*

Besides, when Ava said she managed to phase through successfully is only because of Beatrice… like c’mon. I knew I was a goner at that point. This scene would be tied with what I’ll call THE CATACOMB SCENE, because of the similar stare and show of trust. And that damn quote they keep exchanging.

…

#5 THE HALO SCENES a.k.a. “Brace yourself, Michael, you’re gonna get blasted off again”. So we see Ava unconsciously using the halo to protect Beatrice in s1. And in s2, we have 2 scenes, but Ava being more in control. And I find it so hilarious that Ava can’t seem to protect anyone but Bea. She has a one-track mind when she’s on protective mode. Others be damned, lol.

And bonus scenes, we get the worried gf hug… then Ava carrying Bea away. Adios Miguel.

…

#6 THE BADASS BEATRICE SCENE. This is classic “if you want to get to her, you’re gonna have to go through me”. Bea to the rescue, and Ava being Ava, stating Bea is a badass. And yup, Beatrice is truly a badass. I’m thinking everyone whooped and yelled when they saw her on screen. I know I did. So yeah, such an iconic scene.

Fierce cinnamon roll. Reminds me so much of Lexa.

This spot is tied with THE CATHEDRAL BASEMENT SCENE, where Yasmine was in awe watching Ava fight… and Bea affirms Yasmine’s statement about how incredible Ava is. Safe to say, I think Bea meant not just in fighting.

…

#7 THE JEALOUS PUPPY SCENE. I loved this scene so much… even more than the scenes where Beatrice is pining for Ava. We all knew Bea had feelings for Ava, and she’s so sure that it’s probably unrequited. But then we get this scene, and it’s like rainbows and unicorns appeared. The hot girl talking to Bea has stoked the fire, and when Ava interrupted them, the girl put even more fuel by leaning in to whisper in Bea’s ear. And my my, it was so satisfying seeing Ava so visibly jealous at the beginning of the season.

Another thing… Ava messing up the drinks and snapping at the customer is gold. Then, she asked Bea what hot girl said. Ava basically ticked all the jealousy checklist, and I live for it. Lol.

…

#8 THE CHEEK KISS SCENE. Ah, domestic Avatrice is such a nice change from all the chaos of s1. It’s been two months and you can really see how Avatrice evolved. It’s in the little things like this—where Ava is completely at ease with showing her affections and Beatrice gladly receives them. Bea didn’t even flinch when Ava did that, which means this isn’t a new thing that Ava’s done. I bet the little shit always does this, and that’s why Bea has to take a deep breath afterwards… because it’s too much at times.

And that look Hans gave, that Beatrice noticed. I don’t think it’s because he’s jealous Bea got promoted before him. I’d like to think it’s because he knows something’s up with Avatrice. He’s curious, and he definitely knows Bea is biased towards Ava.

…

#9 THE BAR SCENE a.k.a. Ava’s awakening. I think we can all agree that this was probably the moment Ava realised she’s got more than friendly feelings for her best friend. Beatrice wasn’t even dancing seductively, but Ava had that look in her eyes. That intake of breath when she was staring at Bea—it’s like she lost her breath because her heart was on her throat threatening to dislodge and offer itself to Bea. Ava was truly captivated.

And Beatrice… oh Bea, you’re so whipped. You’d think she would have more resolve to stay true to her vows, but nope—Ava asks, Ava gets.

…

#10 THE FIRST HUG SCENE a.k.a. Bea’s gay reawakening. Like we’ve said, Beatrice is emotionally-repressed. She will not show affection if it’s not initiated first. This may be the first time someone has actually hugged her… and it’s a new girl, not one of her sisters. You can definitely see the panic in her actions.

Poor baby doesn’t know how to react, lol. Gay panic Bea, and oblivious Ava… classic trope.

…

So that’s that. Would’ve gone on and on if tumblr didn’t have an image limit. I would’ve included every single Avatrice scene. I just have a lot to say, okay! Avatrice gives me so much feels.

Can’t wait for season 3!

#warrior nun #avatrice #ava silva #sister beatrice #if you read all of this you’re awesome #i miss them already #i’m a hopeless case lol #ok byeee

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steve0discusses · 2 years

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S5 Ep 42 Pt 1: It’s All In Your Head

Every week with long covid is like a new batch of symptoms. Last month’s symptom, among other things, was “words no work no good,” and so we just uh...didn’t do an update. I probably needed to chill and nap anyway. Not that I’m fully better yet, today I did laundry and pulled out a blue shirt that I clearly own and bought with my own money--but I have no memory of it. Zilch.

The brain is amazing, that with this brain fog, I can’t remember my blue t-shirt, but I can remember Yugioh. Weird, right? So anyway, thanks for your patience in this weird time of my life, glad to have a blog to write about anime in that is so chill with our very long breaks.

Also, I finally went through my old caps to toss old pictures so that way I can make new stuff, and guess what I just realized?

Kisara is not a dragon!

Seto’s girlfriend isn’t a dragon! She’s just on top of the dragon, I can’t...I just can’t believe this.

Truly a crime that this season, the final ultimate season of Yugioh, is what I’m doing while on Long Covid fruitloops, so I can miss every damn point that this show fires at me. But, at least, I hope it’s funny to read. It is like every single update where I realize I was wrong about the obvious, and don’t worry, it’s gonna happen again in like 4 seconds. My borked brain.

Anyway, Yugi and Co have walked all the way to the palace. Because we’re still on S4 time and space conventions where Death Valley, the Grand Canyon, and San Fransisco are all next to each other. Like Yami fell in the Nile in a fight that was just outside of the city--but I assumed he got pulled way out there. Either way, it’s a kid’s show, never think about geography.

(read more under the cut)

Yugi can conveniently walk through doors now, and after a quick shoutout to his homie Yami, they phase through.

Including Tristan who is...

Well,

APPARENTLY TRISTAN WAS POSSESSED.

Freakin, my brain is a bunch of salad dressing, lmaoooo even last episode I was like “wow Tristan is drawn kinda evil and I don’t really get why” and it was RIGHT THERE. He’s been possessed probably since Bakura grabbed him by the neck right in front of me. I somehow missed this!

And like, I figure, if I try and wait out long covid it may take a whole other year, so like this is just me now. I started this blog as like a competent analysis (ish), and now I get to the end of S5 giving you just an incoherent rorschach. It’s kind of fitting for this show really, everyone has to end up at least a little bit of a mess. Keeps you humble. Even me. I also have to become the mess.

Anyway, speaking of becoming a babbling incoherent mess, we go back to Bakura, who has fully lost his game in Battle Basement of a 7 vs 1 game.

Only in Yugioh would they make a 7 vs 1 game feel evenly sided.

And as I wonder if I’ve already made that joke four months back and have forgotten, they all watch Bakura do a mad dash to screw them over one last time.

And while they stood there and just allowed Bakura to fumble around with the doom rocks made of human souls, from no where, Aknadin stumbles through the door all day drunk like freakin Kramer.

And no, in the show he did not reveal here that he was Seto’s dad, but he does in like 2 minutes so I didn’t really care about where I put it. The big thing is that Aknadin’s gone full-tilt cray and not even he can fully explain his motive anymore.

That’s when they realize Aknadin’s babysitter, Shada, has been punk’d on the bottom of skull tablet basement. Which like, Imagine the day that Shada’s been having. I guess Aknadin just left him at the base of like 10000 human skulls then, hahaha.

I have checked my notes and I decided that 2000 people died in Kul Elna a few months back but eh I don’t feel like changing this cap. Overall, I have no freakin idea how many people lived in this freakin town and they can’t tell us because 4Kids would never allow it.

Which is when Bakura decided to teleport his bean into another bean because this bean is broke.

Which is when we met this guy, a guy we’ve only met for like 4 seconds of the show so far. Hello there, Original Bakura.

Straight up, he wasn’t on screen long enough for me to over-analyze his accent before he was a small mound of dust on the floor.

Ah the death count! Oh damn it, I write these notes on the caps sometimes, expecting I’ll put an actual number there later but lets be real, I just need to publish this episode, so let me open the Google doc...

7,805,847,572

Yeah that’s how many people have died in this kids show so far. We’re right on track. Thanks Bakura, for another death, but no you have not caught up with Dartz. Although I will hand it to him, Dartz didn’t end up killing himself nearly as many times as Bakura has.

Speaking of dying and being dead on a kid’s show, in enters Shada.

So lets go see what Yugi’s up to hm? The four have decided to separate in this Egyptian palace to each find Yami’s name. Mind you...there’s some flaws with this plan.

The flaw being that none of them have graduated high school or know freakin anything about Egypt, other than they hang out with an Ex patriot Egyptian. (2 ex-patriots if you count Yugi’s Grandfather. Although honestly, are you an ex-pat if you are reborn in a kid’s body on the other side of the world? You are, right? You are). But, whether or not Yami can or can’t read Egyptian in Canonical Yugioh, we know that Yugi apparently super can’t when Yami isn’t in his bean.

And Joey just can’t focus for the life of him, which, damn, relatable. But, he did find a room full of women.

He also went to the only room with like lots of water. Real pissed focused mind here, and no the piss plotline will not be resolved.

Tea, still GOAT.

This castle, man. I love the complete disregard for interiors that this animation team has. Like...what even is the purpose of this weird maze room with masssssive stone tiles, Yugioh? Like...what is this even supposed to be? Why are the tiles so SHINY?

Anyway, lets go back to Shada and hear his excuse for what the hell happened last episode.

Which is when Aknadin decided to just start cursing everyone, which he would have done earlier if he wasn’t constantly in a sick bed this season.

This very well might be a yugioh card effect that turns you into a rainbow filter, but it also looks like a complete mess of artistic directions on the screen.

Which like, after that cutesy filter, lets pull our eyes out.

Which is when Yami makes the biggest logical leap known to man.

That’s right! Yami has figured out that this entire time, this entire arc, he’s been sleeping at this RPG table that Bakura’s built in his mom’s basement Yami’s Puzzle Necklace.

In fact, when Yami wakes up to all of this, wearing his normal ass school clothes, and Bakura sitting across from him in his popped collar duster jacket, Bakura says something on the line of “bout time you woke up.”

the fic shippers must have had a FIELD DAY with one.

Anyway, everything is a lie, Bakura is controlling people like puzzle pieces, which not only explains why Aknadin’s motives went a 180, but can lead us to believe that Yami also COULD control everyone else, but just chooses not to. Just like he does in real life.

I think, overall, you just have to go with it. We’re playing D+D, except it’s about your embarrassing past. Like if you made D+D about your middle school experience and you can’t remember your first name.

What a way to die, really. What a weird ass way for Yami to almost die.

Anyway, here’s a link for those new here to read these from the beginning. I have the 2nd part already drafted up, should be up in a few days and not an entire month, haha. Hope your 2023 is looking up!

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

#yugioh #Yu-Gi-Oh #Yami Yugi #S5 #ep 42 #Bakura #Yugi Muto #Joey Wheeler #recap #photo recap #tea gardner #tristan taylor #seto kaiba

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whitedahlia13 · 2 years

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You haven't seen the movie and I am glad you didn't. It was... well... I'm just wondering if there's gonna be the second movie, without DoB, do you think we'll get anything good? Jeff said there was a scene, which didn't make it, where Lydia picks up phone to call someone and the camera shows Stiles' name on it, I just... This gives me too much hope, right? how can one trust Jeff Davis after pre-season 4 interviews and pre-movie interviews...

Everything I’ve heard about the movie has made me even more glad I didn’t see it too. So, I’m sorry to say it, but no, I don’t hold out hope for any quality Stydia in future films. Without Stiles we are missing half of our OTP – and the beating heart of Teen Wolf. There, I said it. Not taking it back. The show is lifeless without Dylan O'Brien.

As far as Jeff Davis’s comments… After all this time, I’ve learned not to put much stock into what he says. He's notorious for tossing fans breadcrumbs—and then, not delivering the goods. I’ve lost track of how many times he has teased cut scenes over the years. Remember how there was supposed to be a Stydia love scene in 6x10?

The fact that he even mentioned this new cut scene is suspicious. Why not just SHOW IT? He literally has the power to decide what stays and what goes. I don’t believe it has anything to do with time or expense. Like most Stydia scenes, it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, which is a drop in the ocean in an almost 2.5-hour movie. And what TW saved on their lighting budget over the years surely could have been put into a Stydia Savings Account to fund the filming of a ten-second scene.

You're right to be cautious. I don’t trust JD either. I mean, there were other ways to explain Stiles’s absence—but he chose the version where Lydia leaves him, and frankly, it feels cruel. Sure, there were worse options (which we will not discuss) but still… Why break up the only couple that no one actually got to see as a couple? Again, show, don’t tell. Jeff claims to love Stydia, but he had a similar opportunity to work around Dylan’s absence (i.e. ALL of 6b) and he did the bare minimum, for the most part choosing to ignore Stydia at every turn. Obviously, Dylan couldn’t be there, but that didn’t mean Stiles couldn’t be. What about texts, emails, photos? And Dylan was in the finale that does not exist. But where was the Stydia we waited for? Hardly any eye contact, a brief hand hold, and (thankfully) the two of them getting out of the Jeep together at the end. More breadcrumbs...

All things considered, it’s actually a miracle we got the Stydia we did over six years. And that is in huge part thanks to Dylan O’Brien and Holland Roden. The way they understood and played these characters, the way they (especially Dylan) fought for Stydia was commendable and unforgettable. I’m more than happy to keep what they gave us close to my heart, to keep insisting that 6x10 was the finale, and to bolt for the nearest exit next time a movie date is announced.

Thank you for your question, love. I’m SO sorry I couldn’t be reassuring. Just remember, we’re all in this together. The Stydia we know and love haven’t changed. Plus, there are always fics to read for new, much more satisfying content.

#tw movie #asks #thanks anon!#sorry for the rant #this answer was probably more than you bargained for #I can't help it #I have opinions #and JD just makes me so #MAD #also... I love stydia #so I ramble #stydia #stiles and lydia #stiles #lydia martin #dylan o'brien #holland roden #remember I love queue

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woozapooza · 10 months

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Miscellaneous thoughts about Sopranos season 6A

I’m almost done with the whole show, you guys! Crazy! I’m honestly looking forward to it being over so that I can breathe again. This is a selection of the stuff I wrote in my journal this season/half-season (however you want to look at it). This post is RIDICULOUSLY long (about 1700 words) so it’s going under a cut.

Originally I was going to put this point much later in the post but I’ve decided to put it first because it’s the most important: you guys, I adore Jennifer Melfi SO incredibly much and I miss the days where she was actually a main character SO incredibly much. Like don’t get me wrong, the second half of the show has been fantastic so far, but it just cannot compare to the first half for the simple reason that the character who is objectively the best used to be central and now she’s peripheral. Even if her role HAD to decrease a little bit, I wish it hadn’t decreased so much. But I’m grateful for every single second that she’s on my screen. She is literally one of THE characters ever.

The montage at the beginning of 6x01 “Members Only” was SO cool! I love a good montage, and the beginning of a season after a substantial time jump is the perfect place to put one.

In 6x02 “Join the Club,” when AJ made his oath of revenge against Junior, I wrote in my journal, “Bad idea, AJ! That could be the start of a Michael Corleone arc!” Then in 6x08 “Johnny Cakes,” we learn that AJ was consciously emulating Michael! I’m SO proud of myself for picking up on that parallel before the show spelled it out. AJ has internalized the values of the life his parents tried so hard to steer him away from, which isn’t surprising. I mean, it’s really telling that in 6x11 “Cold Stones,” Tony characterizes AJ’s problem not as a lack of responsibility or integrity but as a lack of “balls.” Tony doesn’t want his son to be a criminal like he is, but he’s never managed to dig deeper and challenge the ultra-masculine values that his entire life is founded on.

Speaking of not thinking deeply about the values one holds, something none of these characters are particularly good at: Paulie’s fury toward Nucci in 6x04 “The Fleshy Part of the Thigh” is just the flip-side of his prior fanatical devotion, which was clearly based less on who she was and more on what she was. It was in large part a formality: not actually reciprocating all she did for him, just blindly following the rules. I say “in large part” because, thank goodness, in 6x09 “The Ride” he finally relents. Heartwarming! Man Sits In Silence On Couch With Elderly Adoptive Mother. (I’m going to go ahead and give Tony some credit for that: I think the lecture he gave Paulie in 6x04 sank in eventually.)

At last Carmela (with Melfi’s help—btw, it was SO great to see another one-on-one session between them!) has articulated the thing I’ve been thinking since at least the second season: she and Tony can claim all they want that they have their kids’ best interests at heart, but the fact is that Meadow and AJ were put into an impossible bind simply by being born.

It’s so funny how these guys (mobsters/mafiosos/wiseguys/whatever the best term is—I’m just gonna stick with “guys”) will tear into each other one moment, but then defend each other in the presence of outsiders. When Johnny cries at the wedding, Phil says that his “estimation of John Sacrimoni as a man just fucking plummeted,” but a moment later, when a random guest comments on what a sad display it was, Phil goes “he’s an emotional man 😔he loves his daughter 🥹.” Then in 6x10 “Moe ‘n’ Joe,” Tony tells Silvio he hopes Johnny dies in prison and Silvio fantasizes about throwing acid on Johnny, but a moment later when Sal Vitro refers to Johnny as “guilty,” Tony and Silvio are both like HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT HIM 😠

This outward-facing ride-or-die stance is precisely the arrangement that Johnny violates in “Moe ‘n’ Joe” by putting family over Family. Putting aside his career and just focusing on the choice in isolation, there is a kind of nobility in his decision to take the plea deal that will let his family keep more of their money, knowing that his former colleagues will see no nobility in it and from that moment on he’ll be dead to them. Just another example of how the world these guys live in actively discourages having a heart. (Side note, Johnny is one of my favorite characters and I don’t even really know why. I get so excited every time he’s on screen. I’m always like YES IT’S THIS GUY! IT’S MY MAN!)

At the wedding, Tony is the only one of the guys to express sympathy for Johnny: just as he was (IIRC—it was a long time ago) the only one who we know for a fact was haunted by Pussy’s death (EDIT: he's not the only one, but my main point stands), just as he was the only one who mourned Tracee as a human being, just as in the next episode he will display a teensy bit of compassion for Vito when most of the guys don’t. If we didn’t get these little glimpses of a heart in Tony, if he was just rotten through-and-through, he wouldn’t be nearly as interesting a protagonist. Instead, he’s only like 99% rotten and that 1% is where the tragedy comes in. I want to say I could fix him, but that would be putting myself above Melfi, and I can’t bring myself to do that. If she can’t do it, no one can—except Tony himself, and he’s not going to. Alas.

Meadow is so frustrating because she is the one Soprano who is actually making the world a better place, but then she goes and confirms the rumor about Vito with no hesitation or qualms. Wtf queen??? Did she not care about the consequences for Vito, or did she just not think about them in the first place? I suspect it’s the latter, given that when Finn points out that Vito will probably face violence now, she doesn’t have a counterargument, but in that case...why didn’t she think about the consequences? I don’t get her. It’s so frustrating because Meadow is right about a lot of things, but like Tony, when she’s challenged to confront her own mistakes and blind spots, she just lashes out. Anyway I’m thinking of being her for Halloween next year.

It’s nice that Angie is friends with the other ladies again, but how did that happen? Even Rosalie is nice to her now, and it was Rosalie who told Adriana last season that Angie’s “not welcome here” anymore.

I’m enjoying the Cleaver stuff so much.

It’s so funny at the beginning of “Johnny Cakes,” when, having learned that it’s not going to be feasible to extort the manager of the new cafe, Patsy laments, “It’s over for the little guy.” Like he’s not WRONG but what a funny reaction to not being able to do the crimes you used to do. I don’t think you’re really the victim here, king.

You can certainly make the case that Melfi should have given up on Tony by now, but I truly find it so endearing how she continues to see potential in him, and how she’s always so proud of him whenever he does anything right. Like in 6x12 “Kaisha” when Tony recounts Christopher’s confession that he’s seeing Julianna, she’s like “omg and you DIDN’T get violent with him? Amazing job!!!” God I adore her so much I can’t even take it.

Phil keeps claiming that he has a stake in what happens to Vito because Marie Spatafore (hi, sister of the actress who plays my favorite character!!!) is his cousin. That makes it sounds like he cares about her. But he does exactly what she DOESN’T want and murders her husband, because he doesn’t care about her, he cares about his own pride, to which she’s just an accessory. It’s what I was talking about in this post I made about 4x04 “The Weight”: when a woman is wronged, the men close to her take that as a cause for revenge regardless of the woman’s wishes. Except the men I was talking about in that post genuinely love the women they want to avenge; they just express that love in a self-centered and unhelpful way. Phil, in contrast, embodies the most extreme form of that sort of paternalistic vengefulness. He knows Marie doesn’t want Vito dead; he doesn’t care. He knows what he wants to do would actively hurt the woman he claims to be doing it for; he does it anyway. Not very nice, Phil!

After making up his mind that Vito has to die, Tony angrily says, “It’s Vito’s own fault. Why couldn’t he stay where he was?” To which Silvio says, “Don’t beat yourself up about this.” Silvio sees right through Tony’s bluster; he knows it’s a defense mechanism against guilt. That’s another thing Silvio has in common with Melfi, who can also see right through Tony’s posturing. For example, in that same episode, when Tony is complaining about AJ and wishing Carmela hadn’t prevented him from using his father’s harsh parenting techniques, Melfi cuts right through the lies that he tells himself: he claims to believe that his father had the right idea, but she points out that really, he wishes Livia had protected him from Johnny the way Carmela protects AJ. (Side note, I’ve drafted a post about Silvio and Melfi as complementary consiglieri to Tony. Will probably post it at some point.)

I love overarching character parallels AND I also love single-episode character parallels. Parallel between Vito and Tony in “Moe ‘n’ Joe”: both try to adjust to a new status quo (for Vito, a quiet life with a boyfriend and a boring but legitimate job; for Tony, a wife with a career) but both give up, screwing over other people in the process (for Vito, Jim and the guy he killed on the way back to NJ; for Tony, Carmela).

Christopher to Julianna in 6x12 “Kaisha”: “It’s just weird being where [Tony]’s been.” Tony to Valentina in 4x08: “I don't want to be where Ralph Cifaretto has been.” You guys are so cringe.

Even though Carmela can finally work on her spec house again (yay!), I hope she doesn’t forget about Adriana.

I love how Carmine talks. He talks like he’s composing a business email.

#The Sopranos #Anna watches tv #Anna watches The Sopranos #x

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kosmosinusa · 2 years

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Sera Myu: Musical Festival -Chronicle- Review

You know when something just hits you deep in your core and you can’t help but be a sobbing mess on the floor? Yes, that was me.

When this musical was first announced, I really had no idea what to expect. I had predicted it would be like an Ai no Sanctuary 2.0, and then they said it would be mostly Kaguya-Hime songs, that turned out to be a big ass lie. WHICH I’m grateful for. Not that I don’t love those songs, but the musical was truly something beautiful and shiny and celebrates the history of Myu in its own beautiful way! The song list is mainly NelkeMyu songs (2013-2017, NogiMyu, The Super Live) with a tiny sprinkle of Bandai thrown in for flavor (though, they are newer versions as seen in NogiMyu and The Super Live). Speaking of new arrangements, nearly every song was re-arranged! Whether it be new instruments, new lyrics, or something along those lines, all except a very few songs were re-arranged for the musical and I love the new feel to songs! And the 2 new songs (Chronicle the Story of Sailor Moon and Eternal Cycle) are SO good. Eternal Cycle in particular made me start crying with how beautiful it was.

The cast REALLY showed off. I saw both the second-to-last and the senshuuraku performances. While the vocals are better in the earlier show, the emotions are much stronger in the final show. Riko-Moon in particular REALLY redeemed herself for me. I liked her last musical, but I REALLY loved her this time. She really put her all in this time, and I’m SO proud of her. Her vocals snatched me in the earlier showing, and her determination and power wowed me in the senshuuraku. I’m so grateful she got to play her again. ;w;

I have to address the elephant in the room. Kisara’s vocals. If you remember last year, she nearly had the best vocals out of all the inners. However, I could tell even in the first day’s livestream, she was lip-syncing. And this year, we found out why. Kisara really struggles at live singing. There were some times she sounded pretty okay (when she sings high in her head voice, she sounds really good most of the time), but her voice breaks when singing low. Which is kinda bad when you’re playing Sailor Jupiter... ^^; Some friends in the SoS Discord think she was sick. It’s a possibility. IDK how to feel Because I lowkey felt like she broke immersion a bit in some songs, but I really like her as Jupiter at the same time. I’m torn. ;-;

MVP award goes to miss Riona Tatemichi who has climbed ALL THE WAY to the TOP of my favorite Tux list. Yes, she beat out the previously untouchable Yu Shirota. She made an extremely gay man swoon. SHE DID THAT, SHE DESERVES THAT SPOT. xD

MVP AWARD ALSO GOES TO MISS CHISE NIITSU. HELLO? NEW FAVORITE CHIBI MOON. She really REALLY leveled up from her Chibi Chibi days. I actually wasn’t huge on her Chibi Chibi back in the day and vastly preferred Hinari. But she was SUCH a cute Chibiusa with a powerful, strong voice! I can’t help but love her!

I’m just generally in love with the current outers. Shinju-Uranus grew on me this musical. I think she pairs really well with Ayana and MISS AYANA?! NEW FAVE NEPTUNE AS WELL WTF AND MISS YUKA IDE? NEW FAVE SATURN. This Musical gave me a bunch of new faves. Chisato-Pluto also FINALLY got a chance to shine and QUEEN I LOVE YOU. (Still mad Nelke hasn’t given you a solo song or at least let you cover Chronos Guardian though ;O; )

If you want a story summary, check out @crazykacey‘s! I don’t understand Japanese, so I actually used his review and context of watching to understand the musical. All I can say is fantastic BandaiMyu vibes and a very fun musical! I’m pretty tired after this Musical season. I really went in on reporting (on Twitter and Discord LMAO) and doing some things (which will be revealed in the near future) so IDK how to end this review. Long story short, the musical is really worth your time and from the very beginning, you’re probably gonna cry. It’s a great time, and I hope you all get the chance to see it! ALSO PRE-ORDER THE DVD OR BLU-RAY. Thank you. XD

#sailor moon #sera myu #musical festival chronicle

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udon-udon · 2 years

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2022 recap

Let’s see... 2022 was a pretty wild ride, not gonna lie

Shall we start from the beginning? Hmmmm the beginning of 2022..... SheEEEESH. It was my last semester of my final year for my bachelor’s degree in graphic design for marketing (wait, I have a bachelors? LMAOOOO I forget that I have one now holy cow wait a sec). I also remember being very very stressed out about my 3 week practicum I had to do in Feb. Alongside that were a ton of projects like portfolio making, final projects for said portfolio, the grad show etc etc. It was VERY busy and stressful. Luckily, the practicum went on without a hitch, and school projects were done with, and one of the bigger projects was well received so YAY!! And then of course, graduation rolled around in April, and I finally made it!! And then I got hired right after graduation which im still super thankful for cause I got hella lucky, really.

So work started in around late May/early June and it took a while to get used to things. I’ve never worked full time at an office before so there were many things I had to learn and stuff, but other than that I’m just glad I’m able to deliver the things I’m tasked to do, and they seem like they like me, so :’) Of course I still have my moments where I feel like I’m not cut out for the job or I think I’m doing horribly and for some reason think they’re going to fire me any time soon LOOL... but anywho... I started a deskmat project (which is still delayed unfortunately, i don’t want to talk about it...) but hoping that can get picked back up sometime soon... I was also rushing on new prints as well for con season so that was pretty wild.

Summer then came and WHEW. I got covid. Luckily it just felt like a regular cold, so I might have gotten a weaker strain of it. It was quite scary though since I live with family and I was afraid of spreading it to them (of course I ended up doing so cause we share the same bathroom, but they survived) Aside from that, I tabled for the first time in 3 years! AND I DID GREAT! I really missed tabling and honestly it might have been because of the turnout at the events but damn I did better than I’ve ever did, which is crazy. It really makes me want to get better and table more, but it do be pretty exhausting. Anyway, the summer was great imo, but jesus the fall took a nosedive.

September was alright, and for the second time, I didn’t have to worry about going back to school anymore which was kind of surreal again. I was finishing up the art commissions that I paused to work on the anime convention prints. I finished those up so I can focus on the Yuri Game Jam 2022 in Oct-Nov but little did I know.............. I would not be able to make it v n v. I underestimated the time management needed while working a 9-5 job and my lack of discipline... Also cause I didn’t have a clear vision of this year’s game which made me literally go in circles until I had no time left by the time I actually kind of had something down.... I became so stressed over the story that it branched out to other bad thoughts and I just spiraled really hard. Things that I said I would not let bother me had bothered me again and god I hated it so much. Why can’t I just... not think about those things. Hoping to stop those thoughts in 2023 though. So yeah I got really stressed so sadly I had to shelve the project and not release anything for this year’s game jam. I was very disappointed in myself, and it was a very tough decision to break my visual novel streak but I had to do what I had to do. After dropping the project I felt much much much much much better. Hoping to revisit the project again sometime though, now that I decided to release it whenever it’s ready (but will i have the proactiveness to go back to it? that is another story LOL)

So November was over with and December rolled around. December itself was stressful yet okay at the same time? Stressful in terms of spiraling at work again, but I also managed to just chill out and do whatever. And of course, the week-long break from work helped a ton (as I’m writing this thinking back I did absolutely nothing that week but that’s what I wanted most) Hopefully I’ll go back to work rejuvenated again cause I was clearly burnt out from work lmao. I should make use of my vacation days more man. Anyway since it was recent, I vividly remembering spiraling again over subject that shall not be mentioned, and I had no one to ground myself with so I had to try to ground myself somehow which I do try to do more so than rely on others. Luckily I recovered from the spiraling relatively quickly, so maybe it’s an improvement and if I ever encounter that subject again it’ll be an even faster recovery and soon it will be over? That’s what I’m hoping for 2023. Definitely a goal. Please let my 2023 self not let it bother me anymore please please please please (though i think i said that in 2022 no? hahaha) i jsut want to be loved v n v and not feel like my friends are leaving me one by one :’))))))))))))))))))))))))

ANYWAY Thank you for reading until the end. Ultimately, I want to worry less about subjects that make me go insane and just be happier. I’m a Bocchi that needs to find a close knit of supportive friends that can make me take another step in life :’)))))) LOOOOL And of course, I would like to draw more. Planning on opening art commissions in the new year some time soon so stay tuned. Hoping to table some more too! Though I don’t have much to sell hahahaha;;; Well then, until next year!

#personal #adventures with udon

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lampmanliveblogs · 2 years

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Aw man… now I’m sad again.

It’s really a quite beautiful scene. The rain and the light from the car for the atmosphere… Camila staying strong and keeping it together in front of Vee, but as soon as she’s out of earshot, she starts crying because of course she would. Her daughter is trapped where she can’t reach her, there are demons and magic, her whole world has turned upside down… she is confused and unsure and oh so scared. Scared that Luz will never come back home to her, that she is lost forever. She nearly was lost forever.

The music, I loved how it changes the moment Camila realizes Luz stayed in the Demon Realm of her own free will and then again as Luz is being pulled away. It’s good stuff.

It’s so unfortunate that now that Luz was finally able to reach her again, she is pulled away. And it ends on a huge misunderstanding, with Camila thinking she pushed Luz away and that Luz chose to stay in the Demon Realm because she hated living with her.

I figured the reason she was pulled back was that the portal was collapsing. It’s gonna take more than that to make a stable portal. The question is, how many more times can they afford to try? Their supply of Titan’s Blood is very finite. It may be that if Luz ever wants to go home, she is gonna have to use Belos’ portal.

It looks like Luz is thinking the same thing as me.

And on that somber note, we end episode ten.

As per usual, I rewatched the episode and here are some things I either missed the first time through or forgot to mention:

•”Just breathe and count to five,” Luz says as she’s trying to figure out how to find her Doppelgänger. Just then, a window cube leading to Vee shows up. Because she said Five.

•After Luz startles her, Vee jumps out of the window. From the interior, we can see Vee jumping out of a lonely, open window. But the exterior shot that follows immediately after shows that not only is there a second window not visible from the inside, the window was also closed.

•Eda getting rid of all her Hexas Hold-em cards is a nod to Hooty’s Moving Hassle.

•Jacob placed a fan behind the Hexas Hold-em cards in his… office? He likely saw Vee sniffing the air when she entered and figured out she was trying to track the cards by scent, so he set up the fan to lure her into the trap with the cage. Surprisingly smart coming from him.

•Speaking of Jacob, I mentioned the awl among his tools, but he also has what looks like a wooden stake, for when he encounters vampires. Which actually exist on the Boiling Isles.

•Wait, what about the training wand??

As promised, I rewatched The First Day too. Or at least, the parts with the basilisk. So that basilisk wasn’t in the flashback we saw, but a more interesting thing to not is that in TFD, it was referred to as a Greater Basilisk. Vee only ever refer to herself as a Basilisk. I wonder if a Greater Basilisk is separate species or if that term just refer to an individual that’s older and bigger? Also, uh… what happened to the basilisk in TFD? Did it die? Or did it get sent back to the Emperor’s Coven? Cause, ah… neither of those are good things.

This was a great episode, I loved it. There was of course the proper introduction of Luz Doppelgänger and not only that, she turned out to be baby. Must protect.

But for real though, lots of interesting stuff happened this episode. The Owl House Crew tried making their own portal with… not disastrous results. It’s a start, let’s just hope they can get across the finish line before it’s too late. there was the reveal of Vee and her backstory with some more hints at what Belos is working with. We learned a bit about Luz’ hometown, including a par of borthers that may very well be very important later. We got to see Camila again and we got to see her reunite with Luz, if only briefly, that scene was great too.

Like I said at the start of this episode, now that we’ve reached the halfway point of the season, I’m gonna do a little Half-Season Intermission. I’m going to talk a little about various plot points and characters, some of my theories and wishes for the second half of the season. Maybe I’ll do something fun as well… we’ll see.

Until I see you next time, take care of the planet Earth and remember that anything can happen in space!

<--Previous Episode: Eclipse Lake

Masterlist

Next Episode: TBD-->

#the owl house #liveblog #the owl house liveblog #toh s2e10 #yesterday's lie

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hahahahahangst · 2 years

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Irene (Be The Young 20)

GIANT TW which will be valid for each episode for suicidal thoughts, self-h*rm, violence, cursing, relatives dying, mentions of s*x, s*xual assault

All chapter titles are song titles, some of them translated from Italian songs. We start from the first season and make out way through the series. I will break canon (mostly from the S2 finale) but will try to get back into it for the sake of ✨ lore ✨ .

Summary: Emily's life used to be normal. Until one day, her family died, leaving behind just one letter.

"After reading this whole letter, call John Winchester. [...] He’s your real father."

MASTERLIST

Irene

Irene the future I wanted to gift you I had to exchange it for the vinyls I keep in the attic I’ll gift them to you when you’ll be out of hope and you’ll feel defeated

They had been hunting a Djinn. Emily made a wrong move and the last thing she had seen before waking up in a different place was a bright blue light. When she opened her eyes, she was in a familiar place. A baby cried in the background.

Not any baby.

Alex.

Emily’s eyes shot open. She was home. Her actual home. In Portland.

And Alex was crying. He was alive.

Maybe it had all been a nightmare.

Maybe it was finally over?

She ran out of the room and inside Alex’s room. He was there, crying. She had wished to hear it once more many times. She took him out of his crib and rocked him a bit.

“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay.” She said, caressing his head and trying her best not to cry.

“Is he hungry again?” Asked a familiar voice behind her. When she turned, Dean came into the nursery. She stared at him, suddenly brought back to reality.

It wasn’t over. She was hallucinating. None of it was real.

“Your mom will be back in a couple of hours, but I think dad mentioned she pumped some milk before she left.” Smiled Dean. “Are you okay? You seem sad.”

“Yeah- No, I’m fine. Thanks Dean.” She hesitated, admiring his calm and his stress free state, something she had rarely seen in Dean before. He seemed way younger than he looked in real life, more relaxed, more happy. He smiled back and left. Emily went down the stairs and reached the kitchen. She had not seen that place in so long it felt like forever. Everything was exactly like she remembered it. The fridge was still covered in the silly magnets her mother brought back from everywhere they went, the wall still had all her childhood drawings on it.

Next to the front door, her school backpack was flopping on itself, half empty. The living room still had the signs of a movie night.

Emily put Alex down in his high chair and opened the fridge. Her mom had baked her some carrot cake and next to it, apple pie. She found some pumped milk in the back of the fridge and fed it to Alex, with a gesture so familiar, yet so distant. She quickly started crying. It felt good. Too good. But it wasn’t true. She knew she had to leave and yet, she didn’t want to.

If she stayed too long, her body was going to die, but being able to live in her own house, holding her brother again, feeding him like that again… Maybe it was worth letting her body die to experience all of it once again. Alex happily drank his milk and the front door opened.

“Mom’s back!” Emily quickly dried her face from her tears and ran to her mother at the door. She hugged her. “Woah! What’s with all the love, honey?” Asked her mother, hugging her back.

“I love you mom.” Answered Emily, unable to let her go. “I missed you.”

“I was just out for the day, Emily, are you okay?” Her mother checked her whole figure, trying to find out if she was hurt or if there was something wrong. Emily enjoyed the warmth of having a parent again for two seconds. Dean also arrived in the entryway.

“Girls, I’m gonna go see Sam today, will I see you after dinner?” He showed them the car keys, indicating he was about to leave.

“Sam?” Repeated Emily, smiling. “Can I come with you?”

“Really?” Asked Dean. “I think dad will be there.”

”...and?” Emily already had one arm in her jacket. “Why wouldn’t I want to come?”

“Well, you.. and dad, you were never exactly in good terms. It’s the first time you ask me to come along.”

“Me? Not wanting to see Sam? I highly doubt it.” Smiled Emily, closing her jacket. “Come on, let’s go.” Dean, clearly confused, exchanged a weird look with Emily’s mother and then left. Emily followed him, expecting to sit in the Impala.

Instead, Dean unlocked a family van.

“Wait, you drive this?” She asked, confused.

“We all do, dumbass. Come on, visiting time doesn’t last all night.” He said, turning on the engine and looking at Emily entering the vehicle, impatient.

“Visiting time?” Repeated Emily, progressively putting pieces together.

Dean exhaled. “Emily, are you high again?” He questioned, disappointed.

“What? No, I’m-” Dean entered a street that Emily knew very well: it brought to the hospital.

Visiting time doesn’t last all night.

“Dean, why is Sam in the hospital?” Her eyes filled with tears again.

”...so you are high- Emily, there was a car crash, remember? You drove into a tree.”

Emily inclined her head, not understanding, and kept looking at him, waiting for an explanation. “Emily, I thought you were finally sober.”

“Dean, I-”

“Nevermind, you never change. You just traded alcohol for weed.” He got out of the car, leaving her behind. Emily followed him.

“Wait! Really, I’m not high or… drunk, Dean, listen!” She caught up to him in the hospital lobby. “I was captured by a Djinn, I’m stuck in this hallucination!”

”...a what?!” Dean rolled his eyes and entered the elevator. “Whatever you smoked, kid, it’s not the good stuff.”

“Dean, I’m not high! I’m on the job!”

“Sure you are.” Dean left the elevator shaking his head. Emily kept following him until he entered one of the rooms.

Sam was lying on the hospital bed, perfectly still. He didn't have as many machines as Dean had when he almost died. He was there, the monitor beeping rhythmically, slowly, almost peacefully, keeping him alive.

Sitting next to his bed was John. Emily looked at him and smiled, but he didn't smile back.

“What is she doing here?!” He asked instead, angry.

“Dad, now's not the time. She just wanted to see Sam.”

“She's the reason he's here! She's a fucking drunk and she killed my son!”

Emily, shocked, took a step back, bumping into a table. “Wait, is… is this my fault?” She asked.

“Of course it is, you-”

“DAD!” Interrupted Dean. “I don't think she remembers any of it at the moment.”

“Are you telling me she's drunk again?”

“I'm not drunk, listen!” Emily pleaded. “This is not real, it's created by-” Emily looked at Dean and John. They didn’t know what a Djinn was. They weren’t hunters. John shot out of his chair, aggressive, but Dean was quicker and he accompanied Emily outside of the small room. He took her face into his hands. Emily closed her eyes and started crying. It was probably the most affection she had felt from Dean since they had met.

“Kid, listen, I know the crash was- it was the worst thing at the worst moment, but… You can't slip into it again. Think about how much it took you to stop drinking- don't make us go through all of that again.” Of all the things Emily wanted to ask, she chose to say nothing. She could have asked if Sam was really there because of her, if they had ever been happy, but she chose to enjoy the hug Dean was offering and cried. “It's okay, kid. I'm sorry. I should not have brought you here.” She felt his lips on her hair and then Dean's chin, resting on her head. Emily knew she had to leave the hallucination. If it felt extremely good to have her mom Alex back for a little, there was another side to the coin and it was a very painful one.

All she could think about was Sam’s lifeless body, her father’s voice repeating over and over how it was her fault.

When they arrived back home, Emily went directly to Alex and her mother, who where still in the kitchen finishing up dinner. Emily stopped her mother from doing the dishes.

“Don’t worry, I got them.” She kissed her. Her mother seemed surprised and went to take care of Alex. As she did the dishes, she tried not to think of any of the bad things. To just tap in her old life, where she didn’t know the Winchesters, when everything was easy, when everything was always clouded by the familiarity of being safe, at home. It didn’t come too difficult, despite Dean sitting in the living room watching a soap opera felt a little out of context.

After doing the dishes, she insisted she took everyone out to get ice cream.

“Emily, what is going on with you today?” Asked Dean as he sat next to her in the van.

“I guess… I’m just grateful for what I have left.”

”....alright? Are you sure you should be driving?”

Emily raised an eyebrow and looked at her mother, who was sitting behind them. She looked worried. “Of course, uh- I’ll be shotgun.” Emily rolled her eyes and went out and around the car, leaving the driver’s seat to Dean.

They calmly drove to the Portland mall. Emily took Alex’s stroller and pushed him around for the whole night, occasionally making faces at him to make him laugh. She got her mom ice cream and insisted on getting Dean some apple pie with an ice cream scoop, which they ate while sitting on a bench. “Is it good?” She asked, stealing a piece of cake from Dean’s plate.

“Very good. Thanks kid.”

“Ah-” Exhaled Emily, slouching back on the bench to take in her surroundings. “I really wish I could stay here forever.”

“Why, where are you going?” Asked her mother, confused.

“Mom, do you know… how if you are about to die in a dream, you wake up?” She asked. Dean and her mother assumed a more worried expression.

”...I guess, yeah. Why are you asking?”

“No reason.”

She could not wait any longer. She spent the rest of the night playing with Alex and having a good time with her mother and the most caring, loving version of Dean she would probably ever encounter, knowing that it was going to be her last night. She wasn’t sure it was going to work, but there were two choices: she died in the dream and woke up alive in the real world, where Dean was an asshole and Sam was alive, while everyone else was dead, or she survived in the dream and died soon after in real life, ending the dream. She went home and kissed everyone good night. She entered her room and locked the door behind her.

She knew exactly what to do. She had to die. And if she knew herself, she probably had something to do it, right in her room, and that something would have been razor blades, well hidden in the same double bottom she used to hide cigarettes in.

“Bingo“ she whispered as she extracted a pack of blades. The second she actually felt the cold metal on her skin, she started doubting her plan.

Maybe it wasn’t that bad. Maybe the time passed slower in the dream, and she could have been there forever. Grow old and see Alex learn how to read, defend him from bullies, drive him to college. Maybe she could have stayed and she could have had a happy life, even if it was a fake one. Even if she only had ten days left in the hallucination, ten days are better than no days. She moved the blade away from her arm and put it on her desk. On it, she saw an open book, with a highlighted quote. We live alone, We die alone. Everything else is just an illusion.

Right. An illusion. She wasn’t living, not really. Her body was most likely tied up somewhere and the djinn was using it to have a thanksgiving feast. The people she loved were really dead. Her house had really burnt down. And Sam and Dean were waiting for her on the other side, the only one that mattered, as painful as it was.

She took the blade in her hands again and pressed it on her forearm. She traced a long, vertical line. She was weirdly calm as the blood started flowing out, surprisingly painlessly. As she did the same on her other arm, someone knocked on her door.

“Emily, open the door!” Said Dean’s voice. She closed her eyes and prayed he wouldn’t have a key. That he wouldn’t enter, not at that moment. It didn’t take long for her vision to get blurry, her pressure becoming lower and lower as she felt her body become heavier and heavier. She fell on her side and saw the blurry shape of Dean entering the door and running towards her. The last thing she felt was Dean’s warm hands on her face, then, everything started to re-focus on Dean, who was actually trying to get her to wake up. She grunted, in pain, as she realized the pain she felt in her wrists were actually the ropes she was hanging from. Dean’s face became more focused as he kept calling her. “Emily! Come on, wake up!”

“Oh god- where’s the djinn?” She opened her eyes.

“Took care of it. Dude, we thought we lost you for a second.” Said Dean, trying to set her free.

“Oh my god, you know what a djinn is… It worked-” She fell to the ground. Sam appeared in front of her as she sat back up. When she saw him, she stood up and jumped to hug him.

“Woah, okay- Missed me or something?”

“Of course I missed you.”

#am i going insane #yes probably #but anyway #supernatural fic #supernatural season 2 #djin #sister winchester fanfic #TW #be the young #supernatural fanfiction #Supernatural angst #supernatural sister fic #spn #spn fanfic #ao3 #supernatural a03 fanfict #sister fic

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shakapuffin · 2 years

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Review of Alert 1x09 “Brianna” and 1x10 “Max

okay everyone… we made it! it’s been about 8 weeks but we got through all of season 1, 10 episodes, of Alert! Here are my opinions from last nights 2 hour season/series(?) finale! this might be a long one btw! if you haven’t seen the last episode then i’d skip this review. Spoilers ahead!

- okay so to start off we got the Brianna case, honestly, i thought it was kinda weird. like it was realistic up to a certain point, i mean ya there are crazy people out there but still. that whole thing was just a bit far-fetched for me, the wife wanting to kill brianna, like come on! i thought mike took an interesting lead in this case since Nikki and Jason were tied up with the keith case.

- i gotta say ever since the last episode where we found out that the body in the lake wasn’t “keith” i was pretty sure they were gonna go along with keith actually being keith. obviously, i had hoped for the opposite and that’s exactly what we got! in 1x09 i really believed keith for a while, his case made sense, mostly except for a few questions here and there. i think i knew something was up when the rest of the boys that Beth kidnapped were homeless, it wouldn’t make sense for keith to be kidnapped by her. i’ll give the show that, i was surprised they actually went through and decided to not have keith be keith, i feel like we all knew it in the back of our minds, but i’m happy the show didn’t play safe.

- mike was right about nikki and jason getting in trouble or having the case put on the back burner because of their personal involvement and honestly if everything worked out, that could’ve cost them the case. but then when nikki gets taken, mike tells jason to use any means necessary. so where does mike lie? he seems to bend the rules for himself/the people he cares about but not for others. interesting character flaw that should be delved into more.

-I wasn't a huge fan when Nikki got kidnapped. Like what did that add to the story, ya the main character just got taken, it'll bring in more views but that whole plot line added nothing. Mistake me if I'm wrong but max could've gotten out on his own without Nikki but he just didn't? she literally was instructing him on how to escape from a few feet away, she did nothing. Also Nikki could've very easily escaped after max left, she didn't have to stay to check on Beth's dead son, didn't she already know that he was dead? correct me if I'm wrong tho, I might be misremembering. idk it was just a bit too extra for me but it was a good way for the show to bring in views,

- I feel like there was too much happening in the last 10-20 mins. First of all, Keith got taken again! have they learned nothing! I mean ya, the biological mom probably would've kidnapped him someday anyway. Also, at first, I thought he was just getting kidnapped again but that would be too perfect. Did anyone else notice that there was no amber alert for Keith when he got kidnapped that second time? A bit odd, they had the incense plate, they easily could've put some sort of alert out there. the whole entire missing persons unit was in that house.

-how did everyone feel about the very ending with Keith actually being Lucas and faking the whole time? Like, I feel like we all knew that wasn't the real Keith but it all happened too fast. I wanted a bit longer with that, also how did he get away from the bio mother for so long without her calling the police on him or just forcibly going in and telling Nikki and Jason the truth?

-I do like how we now know that Keith isn't actually Keith. It just wouldn't make any sense if they left it as it was in the previous episode with Keith being their son. However, I didn't like how they just killed him, I feel like if they left him alive, there could've been much more conflict as well as possible storylines for next season (if they get renewed). maybe they could've dealt with him in their lives to get away from the abuse from his birth mother or just go more into depth on everything. I feel like it was just a cop-out on actually going deeper into that situation. they just killed him instead. I will say, I liked how they showed all of the pieces being put together by Lucas while he was living with Nikki and Jason and how he became Keith. idk, how do you all feel about it?

-I actually liked the pacing of the finale until the very end. That being said, we got nothing! Nothing! There was no long tender moment that really went into depth on how Nikki and Jason felt, ya we got that scene on the couch but come on, I thought they were gonna get back together for sure, that doesn't count. I wanted a scene where they just talked; the kid who they thought was their son not only revealed that he has been lying to them for months but also just died in front of them and nothing?! no dramatic reaction!? at least Nikki shed some tears but absolutely nothing after that. but really Jason? nothing? this is one of the main problems with this show, it lacks tender, slow, quiet moments that the audience desperately needs. we need to see and experience scenes with an emotional impact. We also needed a closure scene, not with the whole team, but with Nikki and Jason who seemed completely fine after the entire incident and even moved on? also, it basically just confirmed that their real son is dead at the bottom of the lake and we don't know how they feel about it. idk that just didn't sit right with me, I wanted more at the end! more real-life emotions please.

-poor Sidney... poor poor Sidney. she tried telling her parents so many times, but her feelings were put to the side. there wasn't even an apology from Jason nor Nikki. I didn't like how she had maybe 10 lines in the whole 2 hour finale, that was her supposed brother, she deserved to be heard or have some sort of emotional reaction. I felt bad for Fivel Stewart. Nothing for nor from her, I bet she wanted more character development but we got nada. We don't even know how she feels that he died! She lived across the hall from that kid for weeks if not months and she's supposedly fine by the end of the episode. they messed up her storyline.

-that season finale felt an awful lot like a series finale to me. did anyone else feel that way? most, if not all, of the storylines were closed by the end of the season. there are a few stragglers like June (what the actual hell happened to her? did she fall off the face of the earth because there hasn't even been one freaking mention about her! is she still alive? what?), and kemi's whole kidnapping/father storyline (which I'll assume they'll happily dive into if there's another season). but idk it almost feels like a miniseries, there was no cliffhanger at the end like most other tv shows. that doesn't bring much hope for a season 2, sorry to say. and then to have a 2 hour season finale might be a send-off for good, idk? like I've never seen a tv show season finale with this many finished storylines when they're supposedly hoping for another season. the viewers/ratings weren't horrible for Fox but compared to the rest of television on Monday nights, it's not very impressive, but then again it's Fox. I read that the finale got around 2.4 million viewers which is high for this show, but less than the premiere, it was better than how it performed week to week tho.

-I guess we'll have to see if there's another season. a part of me hopes there's another season and a part of me doesn't want one. I want to see Scott on my television every week, I felt so spoiled watching Scott on tv every week again since we haven't seen him in so long. But then again, the entire show itself is just bad... sorry it's just bad; the writing, and some of the acting most notably. I really want to see Scott in something good that has creative value and integrity because he's so much better than this show. after reading a lot of the reviews, I determined that most people tuned in and stayed for Scott, they thought he was the best thing about the show, which I agree with. That being said, a lot of hard work from not only the actors but also from all of the behind-the-scenes crew was put into this show.

anyways, I've rambled on long enough lol! those are my opinions about the finale. here's a little recap; I'm happy it ended with Keith not being Keith but I didn't like the Lucas death, it would've been interesting with him still in the mix. Good pacing until the end, we needed tender emotional moments. I give it a B-, maybe a B if I'm feeling generous lol!

Well, it's been an interesting 8 weeks, to say the least, sad to not be reviewing episodes anymore... what will I rant about now? haha. maybe we'll get a season 2, maybe not? I hate to say but hopefully not. we'll find out at the Fox upfronts in May.

let me know what y'all think, I'm really interested to see if people liked the ending and what they would change about it. Until next time...

#scott caan #hawaii five 0 #hawaii five o #dania ramirez #danno williams #ryan broussard #alert on fox #alert #fox tv #tv review #review #fivel stewart #graham verchere #adeola role

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piratesfromspace · 3 years

Text

Finance Management (Deckard Shaw/Reader)

Deckard Shaw (Fast & Furious) x Reader

Word count: 1.9k CW: mention of food & alcohol, smut

Female reader

Note: This short fic has been inspired by a friend of mine who created the character of the financial advisor of mister Shaw. Also there is not enough fics with Deckard Shaw so here we are.

Read on Ao3

MASTERLIST

“Mister Shaw, it’s me again, I’m so sorry but I really need you to call me back please. It’s important. Thank you.”

You let out a deep sigh as you hang up. Handling the finances of rich people is a lucrative and thrilling job, but damn it sometimes those clients of yours are annoying. Especially Mister Shaw.

First, he’s annoyingly busy and unreachable. Most powerful people are, but he can disappear for weeks on end without so much as sending an email.

Second, he’s also infuriatingly handsome and smart and funny. And he has an impeccable sense of style. He has nothing in common with the other clients of your firm, mainly old and boring men, whose only conversation subject is their money and how they hate their wives.

And finally, the worst thing about him is how good of a lover he is. You found out half a year ago, when you ended up in his bed after what should have been a regular business dinner. It was a mistake of course. One that could have cost you your career because it was a very serious breach of contract to sleep with a client.

You never told a soul, and you promised yourself to never do it again. But it was still hard to forget the feeling of him pressed against you, of his hands holding your waist, of his mouth between your thighs...

You try to focus again on your task and stretch your legs, kicking out your high heels. Feet bare on the soft carpet, you walk to the floor-to-ceiling window of your posh office, taking a second to admire the view, as the final rays of the sun disappear over the lake, and Geneva lights up under you. It’s breath-taking, really. But it also means you’re once again staying way too late at the office. Your assistant has gone home a couple hours ago, and your colleagues are either on vacation or on business trips, making you the only person on the building’s 7th floor. You still have a few things to finish so you plop on your leather chair and get back to work, hoping to make it home before 11pm.

That’s when you hear it: the familiar *ding* of the elevator’s door, at the end of the corridor. You tense immediately. You’re not waiting for anyone, and the security guards always use the stairs when completing their patrol.

Steps are coming down your way, and you grab your phone, ready to dial for the security team. And then you recognize his silhouette through the polished glass wall. There is a knock on your door before it opens to reveal Deckard Shaw himself. He’s wearing an expensive suit and an even more expensive watch, a very light stubble is highlighting his perfect jawbone and his deep grey eyes bear a mischievous glint. Handsome, as always.

“Mister Shaw…” you stammer.

“You know you can call me Deckard.” His stupidly sexy British accent and cocky smile will be the death of you.

He’s been in your office for two seconds and you already want to slap him in the face - or climb him like a tree, you can’t really decide.

“It’s quite late, Mister Shaw, you scared me. Anything I can do for you?” you insist on saying his family name, in a feeble attempt to maintain a professional façade.

“You needed to see me.” it’s more a comment than a question, and you’re suddenly reminded of the dozen of unanswered phone calls you made trying to reach him.

“Yes… yes, that’s right, but honestly you could have called tomorrow morning.”

“I’d rather see you in person.” he answers, looking you straight in the eyes. You can feel yourself blushing under his gaze. “Wanted to make sure you’re alright. You’re working too much you know.” he says with a soft smile, as his eyes drift down to your sore bare feet and then to the discarded heels under your desk.

What a condescending prick, you think. But at the same time, he’s right and his care seems somewhat genuine. It will not make you forget you almost lost your job because of him though.

“How did you know I was still here tonight?” you purposely redirect the attention on him, rather than you.

“Well, let’s say I would not leave the woman in charge of my assets without any... supervision.”

“Is that a polite way to say you’ve been spying on me?” you retort dryly.

“Oh I love when you’re getting all angry and snobbish, your French accent is even cuter.”

You’re gonna murder him. You really really want to tell him to go fuck himself, but he’s the one responsible for a very generous part of your paycheck, so you have to keep quiet.

“I would be more comfortable if we keep our conversation strictly professional, Mister Shaw.”

“Everything you want, dear.”

-----

“Mmph, fu-ck... Deckard, don’t stop”

The professional attitude has been long forgotten, since Deckard has pulled you onto his lap on the velvet couch of his presidential suite at the Four Seasons hotel, where you were supposed to only review the important documents he needed to see. But when the room service had brought a very nice bottle of Scotch, you knew you were screwed. You could not refuse a drink, and the warmth of alcohol combined with the warmth of his hand slightly brushing against your thigh had overcome all your resolve.

You are now sprawled on the king-size bed, moaning his name as Deckard Shaw is destroying your sanity very methodically. One foot on the floor, one leg bent on the edge of the bed, he’s pounding into you, holding your hip with one hand, and circling your clit with the other. His pace is calculated, not too fast so you can feel every inch of him, but not too slow so your nerves don’t have any respite, and it’s driving you crazy. Hands tangled in the dark silk sheets beneath you, you try to catch your breath to no avail.

“I won’t stop darling. Not until I can feel you coming again all over me.” His voice is like heavy honey, dripping all over your senses, drowning you in sweet and sinful promises.

You want to close your eyes to focus on the overwhelming feelings, but the view in front of you is too good to be missed. He looks like some demi-god, bathed in the subdued light of the room, broad and muscular chest, abs perfectly drawn. What is his job again? You vaguely remember him talking about serving a few years in the military when he was younger, but he is still definitely hitting the gym on a regular basis.

His muscles flex when he brings you down on his thick cock a little more sharply than before, and you keen as he hits that perfect spot inside of you. You can feel your orgasm build again, and so can he.

“You’re close, princess, aren’t you?”

You mewl in response and he chuckles darkly, keeping up with his ruthless assault on your most sensitive parts. He angles his fingers just a bit differently on your clit, and keeps thrusting into you, stretching you so perfectly you can’t remember the last time someone fucked you this good - wait , actually you can, it was a few months ago and it was by mister Deckard “annoyingly perfect” Shaw.

“Come on, I know you want to, I’ll keep going until you give me one more anyway princess…”

And that's it. You’re gone. Back arching off the bed, you come hard, harder than the first time, clenching around him. You barely hear him hiss in pleasure as you spasm helplessly on the soft sheets, the silk feeling almost cool against your burning skin.

----

“Good morning darling."

You open an eye, natural light is flooding the room, as is the delicious smell of fresh coffee and tea. At the foot of the bed, you spot a room service trolley loaded with breakfast treats and through the open door of the bathroom, you can see Deckard is looking at you in the mirror reflection while buttoning a crisp white shirt.

"Your tea is ready. Black, no milk, right?”

He's right and it's annoying because is there anything this man messes up?

"What time is it?" You ask, suddenly remembering you have a busy schedule today.

"You have 27 minutes to eat and get ready, so I can drop you off at your office in time for your first call of the day."

He knows about your tea preferences and your professional agenda, of course he does , he was not joking when mentioning the whole "spying-on-you" situation, or "supervision" as he liked to call it. He needs to stop it, but you decide to keep this discussion for another day.

You stretch, and rise to put on the hotel bathrobe, sighing at the thought of having to wear the same clothes as yesterday. Last you saw them, they were scattered on the floor all over the room and your underwear were positively ruined.

"The concierge was very helpful this morning, thanks to him I got you a few clothes delivered for today." Deckard adds as he pours himself a cup of coffee from the cart and gestures to the leather armchair where a couple of bags doning logos of luxury brands are perched.

You make your way to the packages, and open the first one to reveal a sophisticated dress, fitted and sexy, but not too much that it would be inappropriate as office wear. The second bag is a thoughtful selection of high end make-up products. And the last one contains a gorgeous set of lacy lingerie, nothing too raunchy but sexy nonetheless. Of course everything is in the right size.

"Thank you..." you whisper, a little stunned. The assortment must have cost him a couple grands at the very least - not that he can't afford it because you're well placed to be sure he can, but still, he did not have to do this.

You have to suppress a smile, because damn he's being annoyingly perfect once more, but you don't want to give him the satisfaction to reveal he was right when promising you could stay the night instead of going home and still look fresh for your day at work.

"I was thinking, I'm free tonight, so maybe we can finally review those documents, you know the ones you were supposed to show me before you jumped on me on the couch last night?" Deckard states as he bites in an apple in front of the window, casually looking at lake Geneva glinting in the bright morning sun.

You blush unwillingly, struggling to find a reply that would save you from admitting you had failed at enforcing your usual work ethic.

"I'm kidding dear!" He barks in a laugh. "I know enough to trust you on this venture, you have my approval to go on with the investment." He continues more seriously.

You open your mouth to answer but he's quicker.

"I'm not kidding about being free though, so what about dinner and then we can see where this takes us…"

When you don't answer immediately, he turns to look at you. Maybe he's realizing the situation can be awkward and precarious for you since you're technically working for him.

"You can say no, I won't take any offense." He adds without irony.

"Yes..." You finally answer, tip toeing toward him until you can snatch the apple he was eating from him. He protests but you shush him.

"...Yes, I would like this very much..."

As he starts to protest again, you take a big bite from the fruit with a knowing smile.

"...but only for dinner. Nothing more."

"You'll be the death of me." Deckard says, falsely irritated, his voice dropping lower.

"At least the feeling is mutual, mister Shaw ..."

#deckard shaw #deckard shaw x reader #female reader #fast and furious #hobbs and shaw #deckard shaw fanfiction #hobbs and shaw fanfiction #deckard shaw / reader #jason statham #jason statham imagine #smut #hobbs and shaw smut #deckard shaw reader insert #fast and furious fanfiction

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