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masterofmunson · 4 years ago

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look after you (3)

TFATWS Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: Sam asks you to join him and Bucky on a mission in Madripoor. When you get injured, Bucky feels the need to remind you more than once that he’s supposed to look after you now that Steve’s gone.

Warnings: sexual themes, language, typical marvel violence, blood, death, murder, just to be sure that i cover all the basis this is 18+. minors dni

Word Count: 5.1k+

Author’s Note: Hello!!!! I am really sorry that this part took me forever to post. The last month has kicked my ass but now everything’s a little calmer. As always, enjoy and tell me what you think! Comments, reblogs, and asks are encouraged and greatly appreciated.

When you return to Latvia nearly a day later, you’re more than eager to get back on your feet. Despite the overwhelming feeling of exhaustion running through your body, you’re glad to be back at it with Bucky and Sam. You’re somewhat rested, and you take the opportunity to visit one of the refugee camps to see if you could find any information on Donya Madani.

When you enter the camp, you try your best to keep a low profile. You don’t draw attention to yourselves and try not to ruffle any feathers.

“We should split up, cover more ground,” Zemo stated.

Bucky glares at him, shaking his head. “No. Absolutely not. You’ll just take off.”

You press a hand against Bucky’s shoulder. He looks over at you and you smile gently at him. “I’ll go with him,” you said.

His blue eyes stare into yours. It makes your heart race and your knees weak. Warmth spreads across your entire body. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. He knows you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself and keeping a watchful eye on Zemo. It’s why he doesn’t argue.

The four of you split in two and you and Zemo begin walking in the opposite direction. You’re on high alert, watching the refugees carefully. They don’t seem too concerned with your presence and avoid you entirely when you speak and attempt to approach them about Donya Madani. Although you tried connecting with them in the native language, no one wanted to talk.

You’re silent for the most part, taking in your surroundings. You walk past a makeshift classroom and the teacher and his students hurry away from you. This wasn’t what you hoped and wasn't successful. It started to piss you off.

“Have you and Sergeant Barnes been together for long?” Zemo asked, breaking the silence between the two of you.

Your brows pinch together and you stop in your tracks. Zemo turns to look at you expectantly. You take a careful breath. The last thing you need is for Zemo to get under your skin in a place where no one trusted you and away from Sam and Bucky. You begin walking again and Zemo falls into step beside you.

“Not that it’s any of your business,” you justified with a calm tone to your voice, “but we’re not together.”

You feel Zemo’s smirk beside you as he looks over at you. You grit your teeth and squeeze the inside of your palms harshly. You can’t react. You have to lay low. Do not cause a scene. Don’t bring unwarranted attention. Do not stand out.

“But you care deeply for one another, correct?”

That much was obvious. You’ve always cared for each other. At the beginning it was because of Steve. Anyone Steve loved and cared for, by extension, you did too. It was also how you felt towards Sam when you were introduced to one another.

But something changed along the way. You sought each other out. You relied on him as he did with you. You’d grown incredibly close prior to the blip, and if it hadn’t happened, maybe things would be different. Bucky would always be there to help Sam, regardless of the indifference he shows towards him. You’re tired of fighting. It’s all you’ve ever done. You can’t do it anymore.

Bucky feels the need to repent and right his wrongs even though he was tortured and brainwashed to commit such heinous acts. He won’t stop fighting. He needs to help, to protect, to be good for the world. It’s all he’s ever wanted and it had been taken from him for so long.

You nod in reply. You say nothing else. You weren’t about to spill your secrets to the man that brought Bucky incredible pain. He is not your friend and you don’t owe him anything.

Thankfully, Zemo says nothing and you eventually regroup in the courtyard of the camp. You’d come up with nothing valuable and neither had Sam and Bucky. You would be leaving empty handed.

You watch Zemo approach a young girl as you stand beside Bucky. You feel his gaze against the side of your face. You don’t say anything. You’re still reeling from your conversation with Zemo.

Your heart beat picks up and the stress you feel gathers on your shoulders. Bucky whispers your name and this time you turn to look at him.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

No, you wanted to say. He made your mind a jumbled mess. You couldn’t think clearly with him so close to you. He makes your body tingle with want and desire. You wanted James Buchanan Barnes to ruin you completely, if only for a night, consequences be damned.

You swallow the lump in your throat and push down the desire in your chest. The corners of your mouth twitch upwards in a soft smile. You nod, looking back over as Zemo rejoins the group.

“I’m fine,” you said with as much conviction as you could muster and take a step away from him.

Lie, you hissed to yourself. You’ve never lied so blatantly to Bucky before. It made your chest ache painfully.

What could you say? You make me feel like a fool. No one’s made me feel like a fool, not even Steve. But you didn’t want Steve. You didn’t desire him the way you do Bucky, dare you say loved him in the way you think you love Bucky.

Your mind races with imagination. The feeling of his hands on your waist. His lips pressed against the junction of your neck and shoulder. The contrast between his warm, calloused right hand and the coolness of his metal arm trailing along your body and pulling your clothes off.

You needed to get away from him, and fast. You can barely breathe with him beside you.

You’re the first to leave the camp and Sam, Bucky, and Zemo trail after you as they bicker at one another. Yet again, Zemo was one step ahead and holding the information hostage.

As you make your way back to the townhouse, you freeze in the middle of the street. The uniform is unmistakable. You’d seen it on posters, on television, and even on public buses. John Walker, the man you had no desire to meet, was approaching you with his buddy right beside him.

His voice thunders in the street, causing locals to stop what they’re doing to look at the new Captain America. He stops in front of you and looks you up and down. Just as you were sizing him up, he was doing the same to you.

“Is this the reason why you won’t return any of my messages? You’re too busy slumming it with Wilson and Barnes, as well as a known terrorist? I thought you knew better.” Walker asked.

You roll your eyes and cross your arms over your chest. “I’m on vacation,” you said like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Just so happens that Sam and Bucky are in town at the same time I am. Crazy coincidence, right?”

“Watch your mouth, Walker,” Bucky growled at the man.

John’s eyes narrow as he stares at you, ignoring Bucky completely. You’re being childish and petty but you don’t care. Walker is an asshole. His eyes challenge yours, but you square your shoulders and stare him down. He doesn’t scare you. You don’t answer to him.

“We’ll take it from here. Zemo is coming with us.”

“No, he’s not,” Sam said. “We have somewhere to be and Zemo is the only one who can take us there. This is the only time that we may be able to reason with Karli, she lost the person closest to her.”

You resume your trek up the street and the boys fall close behind you. Bucky’s quick to join your side and Walker runs ahead to stop you from moving any further. His gaze flickers between you, Sam, and Bucky. You roll your eyes and let out a scoff.

“You’re really going to let your partner do this, Bucky?” Walker asked him, looking between the two men.

Bucky and Walker bicker back and forth and you and Zemo slip between them when you notice the same girl he had spoken to earlier. You follow her quietly through a back door and slip inside the building. You watch Sam disappear around the corner and you lean against a metal beam in the boiler room. You pick at your nails and ignore Walker pacing the length of the room, looking over at Bucky every now and then as he guards the door.

Walker huffs impatiently and takes a step towards the door. You stand up and Bucky shoves Walker back. You swallow the lump in your throat as the two men stare at one another. At the mention of the serum in Bucky’s veins, rage runs through you. He didn’t ask to be the Winter Soldier. He didn’t ask for the serum. The serum had taken so much from him. It’s not something that he’s proud of.

“Don’t you dare say that,” you hissed at him, shoving him away from Bucky. You were so close to clocking him in the jaw. “You have no idea how much he has lost because of the serum.”

There’s a glint in his eyes and he looks between you and Bucky. “What are you, his guard dog?”

“I can say the same thing about Lemar.”

“We’ve waited around long enough. It’s time to go.”

He shoves himself past Bucky and Lemar does the same. You and Bucky run after them into the main room where Karli and Sam are. Her brown eyes widen in panic and betrayal as she looks from Sam back to John. Sam attempts to reason with her again and you run straight between them in an attempt to block John’s attack.

Karli’s super strength sends you and Sam flying into the nearby table and she takes off. Bucky runs after her and you scramble to your feet. You split off from Sam and back track into the boiler room. The handcuffs are empty and you curse loudly before racing down a flight of stairs. Your heart feels as if it’s beating out of your chest and the adrenaline rushes through you. The ache in your shoulder is the least of your concerns as you creep up to the basement door.

With a gun in one hand, you reach for the handle and twist the knob. It doesn’t budge under the pressure of your hand as you attempt to jiggle it open. The sound of gunfire rings through your ears on the other side of the door. You point the gun on the lock and fire until there’s a hole in the door. You shove your body against the door and it caves under your weight.

With your gun raised, you climb down the steps before relenting at the sight of Zemo unconscious on the floor with John looming over him. You tuck your gun in the back of your jeans and look over the room. Shattered glass vials are all over the floor and you glance at Walker suspiciously.

“What happened?” you asked.

“Zemo shot Karli and destroyed the vials that contained the serum,” he answered before turning his back on you and climbing up the stairs.

Sam and Bucky join you several minutes later. You stare up at them against a cold metal crate beside the unconscious Baron. Bucky crouches in front of you and looks at you carefully.

“You okay? What happened?” he asked.

You nod your head and tell them what supposedly happened while you were attempting to get to Zemo and John Walker before anything worse happened. It made you feel uneasy and you have a gut feeling that Walker was lying to you.

“Do you believe him?” Sam questioned, looking over at Zemo.

You shook your head. You run a hand through your hair and let out a sigh. “No. I don’t trust him. Something about the way he looked at the broken vials makes me nervous. I don’t think he was telling me the whole truth.”

Silence falls between the three of you before Sam speaks again. “Let’s get out of here. We’ll regroup back at the house.”

You nod and get back on your feet. Sam and Bucky pull Zemo from the floor and drag him out of the basement out of the camp to the main street. You return to the house and Zemo is placed on the nearest couch. Bucky disappears out the door once more and you join Sam at the kitchen counter. You fish around the liquor cabinet and pour two glasses of whiskey for you and Sam.

You take the time to shake off the stress and anxiety in your shoulders and enjoy the brief silence covering the room.

It doesn’t last long, and soon Zemo begins to stir back into consciousness. He groans loudly and grasps at his head. Sam wordlessly grabs an ice pack from the fridge and hands both the pack and the glass of whiskey over to him.

You sit down in one of the loveseats and kick your feet up on the coffee table. Within seconds, Zemo starts spewing his self righteous bullshit.

“Jesus Christ, do you ever shut up?” you snapped, downing the rest of your whiskey.

Sam smiles and a low chuckle from Zemo fills the room. You sigh softly and ignore him once more. Bucky returns several minutes later and practically rips off his leather jacket. It makes your cheeks flush and you watch him pour himself his own drink into a glass.

“There’s something wrong about Walker,” he said with a huff.

“You don’t say,” Sam replied with a smirk.

“Well, I know a crazy when I see one, because I am crazy.” He takes a sip of his whiskey.

You bark out a laugh and Sam does the same. “Can’t argue with that.”

There’s a beat of silence that falls over the room and Bucky sighs deeply. “You shouldn’t have given him the shield.”

You jump to your feet and step between the two men. Your hand presses against his chest. “You know he didn’t give the shield to him, Bucky.”

A flash of hurt and anger appears across his face. You had never been on the receiving end of his hurt and anger before. It makes your chest ache as you look at him. He takes a step away from you and glares. Your heart leaps inside your throat and you attempt to reach for him again. He pushes your hand away. He had never rejected you so blatantly before.

“How can you say that? After all that Steve’s done for you and you’re so casual and flippant about the shield! How dare you!” he yelled at you, his voice thundering off the walls and into your ears. It makes you wince and you’re fighting back tears.

“He’s gone!” you shouted back. “Why should I care about something that was left behind by someone who abandoned me!”

His eyes darken as he stares at you. He shakes his head in disbelief and a bitter laugh leaves his throat. “Sam should have never asked you to come.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right, but I won’t abandon Sam the way that Steve abandoned me. I’m willing to sacrifice what needs to be done, even if it makes me unhappy. I’m not a coward. I don’t want to be here more than you do,” you hissed, your body filling with rage. “I’m more than happy to leave.”

“Good! Then go!”

“Fine!”

Just as you’re about to gather your things and storm out of the house, the doors burst open and John and Lemar storm inside. He points to Zemo and says, “He’s coming with us. Hand him over.”

Sam and John argue with one another and you step away from Bucky. You’re pissed and hurt and you have no energy to join their bitching contest. You cross your arms over your chest and just seconds pass before the Dora Milaje walk through the doors.

You watch with a smug smirk as Walker reaches a hand out to Ayo. You hold your breath as he places a hand on her shoulder. A split second passes and John and Lemar are both getting their asses kicked. You stand out of the way and gleam as they struggle against the Dora Milaje. One of the spears slices through the air and pins the shield against the kitchen table.

“Looking strong, John!” Bucky exclaimed.

If you weren’t pissed at him, you would’ve laughed. Sam says his name disapprovingly and Bucky rolls his eyes as he attempts to stop Ayo from doing anymore damage. Sam soon follows suit and you sigh before joining them.

You had spent several long months training alongside the Dora Milaje when you were on the run after the Accords. They had helped you perfect your technique and made you an ever better fighter. You block the jabs of the spear with the outside of your forearms and quickly side step out of the way as one of the women aims at your gut.

With all things considered, you were fairing far better than both Sam and Bucky combined, and you hadn’t been keeping up with your training regiment.

Another spear nearly sideswipes your face and your reflexes take over as you spin out of the way. You’re growing tired and out of breath, and they still haven't been able to get you to yield.

Soon you were overpowered and you fell on your back with a loud crash. The wind is knocked out of you and you see stars at the corners of your eyes. Your head turns towards the bathroom doors and you can see an outline of a sewage drain. Zemo had escaped in the middle of the fight.

John and Lemar are the first to leave, followed by the Dora Milaje. Bucky lends a hand down to you and you slap it away. You could be petty and angry too. You pretend not to notice the flash of hurt and surprise on his face as he adjusts to his metal arm again with a roll of his shoulder.

“You okay?” Sam asked you.

You grunt in response. “Fine.”

“Let’s go.”

You leave the house and trail behind Sam and Bucky as you walk down a number of streets with no particular destination. You’re silent and fuming as you listen to Sam talk on the phone. He stops up ahead and glances down at his phone.

“That was Sarah. Karli threatened my nephews. She wants to meet and said for me to come alone,” Sam said, staring at the coordinates on the screen.

“We’re coming with you,” Bucky said. There was no room for discussion and Sam didn’t argue.

You’re nearly out of breath when you arrive at the correct coordinates. You attempt to control your breathing as you creep up the stairs with Sam in front and Bucky behind. Sam yells for Karli and she steps in front of one of the white pillars. You stand beside Bucky just far enough that it doesn’t make it seem like you’re a threat. Her eyes flicker over to the two of you before returning to look back at Sam.

You shift nervously on your feet and the sound of Sharon’s voice rings through your ears. She had found John. Karli takes off and it takes a split second for Bucky to run after her. You cling to Sam and he takes off in the air.

“Brace yourself!” Sam shouted at you.

You cling to his back and use his shoulder for cover as he breaks through the glass ceiling. You shake off your legs and Sam squeezes your arm reassuringly.

Suddenly a body flies through the closest door and hits the wall with a crack. To your own horror, John walks up to the man, a man that has super soldier strength, like it’s nothing. It scares the shit out of you as you watch with wide eyes as Walker bends a steel pipe in half before sending the Flag Smasher to the ground once more.

You glance over at Sam and he’s just staring at John. “What did you do?”

You both know that you didn’t need him to answer to come to the right conclusion. Somehow John had managed to snag a vial of the serum. You were right back at the memorial. Something was wrong and it had been John all along. He had knocked out Zemo and stole the last vial before it could be destroyed.

You feel a sense of responsibility for it. If you had reacted quicker than you did down in the basement, maybe then Walker wouldn’t actually have the serum running through him. You could’ve stopped him and you didn’t, and it was all because of a locked door. You could hold your own against John without the serum, but now that he has it and he’s always so full of rage, you don’t know if you would be able to. He had the strength to kill you.

You follow the two men in a daze in an attempt to find Lemar. Everything was quiet and still. It sends you on edge. You step into an empty workshop. Tables are flipped on their sides, chairs everywhere, and scraps of paper and wood litter the floor.

Sam pushes you out of the way as a Flag Smasher jumps from the overhead balcony straight towards you. You stumble slightly before regaining your bearings and joining the fight. Your body screams in protest but you push through it. With every kick and punch finding its intended target, you’ve lived to see another second.

One of them kicks you in the backside, cornering you with another partner. The force of the kick nearly knocks the breath out of you. You shake it off and dodge a stab to the face. You quickly disarm the knife from your opponent and use their surprise to your advantage.

You may not have super serum in your blood, but you put up one hell of a fight. You easily avoided and stepped away as your attacker spins in the air. You wait for an opening and kick your leg up high, sending them backwards. You throw the knife down just inches from their head as a warning.

As you turn on your back, you quickly stumble as another opponent reaches to stab you. Bucky comes barreling in with an iron fist and the man goes flying and crashes into a nearby table. You have a split second to react as Bucky drags you back on your feet.

You don’t know how much longer you’d be able to fight, especially defensively. If any of the Flag Smashers noticed that you were favoring your left side more than your right, they would use it to their advantage and kill you. Your right shoulder throbs and you taste blood and sweat on your tongue.

You spin on your heels as you watch Karli barrel towards you, nearly taking your head off. You were tired, but you were still fast on your feet.

It feels like it happens in slow motion. Lemar miraculously appears and throws Karli off balance. For a brief moment, he was holding his own.

Until he wasn’t.

Karli punches him with so much force that the sound of the pillar cracking underneath his weight vibrates through your ears. Everything stops, even Karli and her followers stare at the man pinned against the pillar. A number of sounds and voices fill your ears as you watch John crouch beside his partner to try and find a pulse. He shakes his head but nothing happens. There’s no response.

Lemar’s gone. Lemar is dead.

Sam nearly drags you with him as John jumps out of the building at the closest window. Your legs burn, screaming for rest as you run alongside Bucky and Sam through the building towards the growing sounds of screaming in the courtyard.

Bucky stops you and grabs your hand, squeezing it tightly. There was nothing you could do but watch as John publicly executed someone with the shield. A shield that used to mean so much to the world was now and forever tainted. It’s legacy is gone.

The civilians that had gathered starred in complete awe with their phones out as they witnessed Captain America slaughter a man that wasn’t responsible for Lemar’s death.

He just stares off into the crowd, breathing hard and heavy as the blood from his victim stains the shield. He takes off, running away from the crowd, presumably to get away from Sam and Bucky.

You take a step, intending to run after him, but Sam stops you. “We’ll get him later. Right now we need to talk to the police and paramedics. If the countless videos aren’t enough proof of what John did was wrong, our statements will.”

You nod but don’t say anything as exhaustion takes over. Your knees buckle and Bucky nearly carries you to the nearest ambulance. A blanket is wrapped around you and you’re given a bottle of water. Bucky leans against the ambulance door and your eyes watch another team of paramedics take care of the body underneath the statue.

He’s placed on to a stretcher and a cloth is draped over his body to give the illusion of privacy, even in death, despite the number of people that watch.

A police officer approaches the ambulance you’re sitting in and asks if you’re ready to give a statement. You nod as you gulp down your water. You tell the officer everything that happened that led to the tragic event that followed just several minutes earlier. You leave out any mentions of the serum. The US government would find out soon enough.

The officer thanks you for your time as another one approaches to take Bucky’s official statement. His is nearly identical to yours, apart from the times that you had split up and separated over the last two hours. He’s gruff and fuming and his arms are crossed over his chest. If you weren’t still angry at him, you would tease him, but now wasn’t the time. The officer thanks him again before scurrying off.

Sam reappears and adjusts the gear on his arms before shaking his arms. “There’s a ping on Walker’s location. He’s at some abandoned warehouse in a wooded area in the outskirts of the city.”

You nod and slip the blanket off your back. Your exhaustion could wait. You jump from the ambulance and Bucky rests a hand on your shoulder. You quickly brush it off.

“You better think long and hard before you open your mouth, Barnes. If it’s anything other than “you’re coming with us,” keep it to yourself,” you snapped at him.

He stares at you with wide eyes and parted lips, and does exactly as you asked. He says nothing.

You walk in silence towards the outskirts of the city to John’s location. Your muscles burn with each step and you’re struggling to breathe, but you push through it. You have to for Sam and Bucky’s sake.

You hold your breath as you enter the warehouse. John’s back faces you and Sam throws an arm out in front of you to stop you from getting any closer. He turns to look at the three of you and you rock back on your heels.

“You don’t want to do this,” John said. His voice is casual and condescending.

Bucky rolls his shoulders. “Yeah, we do.”

The shield flies through the air just inches from your head. You double back as Bucky and Sam tag team against Walker.

Your eyes widen in horror at the sight and sound of Bucky crashing into one of the electrical beams. He remains still and it sends you into a panic. You’d never seen him like that before.

You run straight towards Walker. You use your weight and momentum to leap up and choke him with your thighs, a move Natasha had taught you all those years ago. His fingers dig into the tops of your thighs with all his strength. Your own hands are too busy scratching and squeezing at his throat.

Walker throws his back into a steel pole and it makes you lose your grip on him. The force of the impact sends you crumbling to the ground. Now it hurts to breathe.

You land with a loud crash. You’re in a daze and can barely see straight. Black specks and stars cover the corners of your eyes as you fight off unconsciousness.

John stands above you, his arm pulled back with the shield in hand. He was going to kill you, just like he did to the Flag Smasher, and there’s nothing you could do to stop him.

You’re too weak and injured to fight. You’re on the brink of physical exhaustion. You can’t mask the pain any longer. You’re going to die before you have the chance to tell Bucky how you feel.

You throw your hands up, a futile attempt to stop the shield from blowing your brains out.

Sam knocks John off balance just as the shield moves towards your head. Sam uses the strength of his wings and jet pack to kick John in the stomach while Bucky knocks him from behind. For the first time, John’s on the floor.

Sam and Bucky use all their combined strength to rip the shield from Walker’s grasp. There’s a loud crack that fills your ears and he howls in pain as his hand loosens around the shield.

He swings at Bucky with his uninjured arm and Bucky punches him right in the face. This time John doesn’t get up and Bucky grabs the shield and tosses it beside Sam’s head as he lays on the floor near you. Several silent seconds pass as the three of you catch your breath and attempt to regain your bearings.

Bucky crouches in front of you and gingerly threads his fingers through the hair at the back of your head. You’re not bleeding anywhere on the top of your head.

Although you couldn’t see straight, you know his deep blue eyes find yours. Your head spins and you feel like you’re about to puke.

“The shield,” you slurred, “did you get it?”

His soft laughter fills your ears. He wipes away the blood collecting under his nose. “Yes.”

You hum in approval and your vision begins to clear up. You blink rapidly and Bucky carefully wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you to your feet.

Yes, you were still mad at him, but the way he held you against his side as you walked out of the warehouse made your stomach flip. It nearly makes you forget about your argument just hours earlier.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #Bucky Barnes imagines #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #Bucky imagines #look after you #my writing

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sassycassie-s-writing · 3 years ago

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Darker Shadows

By: SassyShoulderAngel319

Fandom/Character(s): A Court of Thorns and Roses Series/Azriel

Rating: PG-11/T-

Original Idea: Nothing in particular. Finished the first 4 books. Dunno if I can stand Nesta long enough to read ACOSF, so I wrote this with no information from ACOSF. Have fun.

Notes: (Masterlist)(By Character)(About Me) Whaaaaa...? I break my ongoing hiatus for this? Yep. I did. I hope a few more one-shots join this one, but I am making no promises. This one just came to me for about an hour so surprise! Happy August.

^^^^^

“Darker Shadows”

Azriel said nothing as he slipped through the door to our apartment, quiet and soft as the shadows surrounding him. I watched from the sitting room adjacent to the foyer. He must have known I was there—the shadows must have informed him—but he didn’t so much as look at me. Just rested his forehead on the door and sighed.

“Long day?” I asked.

He blinked his eyes open and turned. “Incredibly,” he replied.

I patted the sofa next to me, indicating he come sit.

Azriel’s shadows seemed to grow more numerous around him as he crossed to me. I realized why as his leathers thumped to the floor in his wake, leaving him in a light undershirt and undershorts.

No matter how long we lived together, he was always so modest.

Part of me wondered if it was more insecurity than modesty; but I would never invade his privacy that much to ask. He’d tell me when he was comfortable.

He hit the sofa cushion next to me hard. His wings barely missed getting caught behind him. Ever the precise, too. One arm and one wing wrapped over my shoulders. He was warm, even if his underclothes were cold from his sweat. I snuggled into his side. We both stared at the fire for a while.

“Did you eat up at the House?” I asked.

The shadows shrouding him retreated a little, going back to their usual shades. He glanced at me with those sharp hazel eyes before returning his gaze to the fire. “Yes. Rhys and Feyre were hosting a dinner for the Palace governors. A private celebration of rebuilding the city so quickly before the grand, public celebration in three days.”

I snorted. “Bet they loved that,” I said sarcastically. Among the family, it was well-known that Rhys and Feyre both hated formal parties and dinners with a fiery passion.

A glimmer of amusement joined the reflection of the flames in Azriel’s eyes. “Oh, they slipped out an hour in. I heard them in the library… having fun amongst the stacks. I left them to it and didn’t interrupt.”

I couldn’t stop the laughter that burst from my throat, but clamped it down hard to not disturb the neighbors.

Azriel held me tighter. “Would have been more enjoyable if you were there,” he said. His voice was soft, almost as though he didn’t actually want to admit it.

Reaching up, I cupped the side of his face. “Sorry I couldn’t go. I’d have liked to have been there.” I gestured to my wrapped leg. “I just don’t think I could handle a party today. If Rhysand had decided to host it three days from now with the rest of the celebrations, I would have been able to make it.” I made a face. “Sorry I missed it.”

“It’s alright. I understand.”

I reached around his wing to the end table, picking up my glass and handing it to him. He downed the rest and handed it back to me. I chuckled and set the glass on the coffee table instead.

After shuddering at the freezing chill of the water from my glass, Azriel turned to me. “How’s the pain?”

I shrugged. “Better than it was,” I said.

“At least you’re healing quickly.”

“Mmhmm.”

“How did you spend your night?”

I waved a vague hand to the small pile of books on the coffee table. “Just decided to read a little.”

“A little?” Azriel quoted. “You read five novels in four hours.”

“Oh, no. I didn’t finish them all. When I got bored I’d switch between them.”

“None of them holding your attention?”

“Not like they used to. Not since—”

The War with Hybern. Azriel knew. We all broke in some way over the course of it. I hadn’t had the attention span I used to since.

Azriel smiled at me. “Bathe, then bed?”

“Sounds great,” I replied.

He scooped me into his lap and stood up. I yelped at the sensation. My bad leg dangled looser than my good leg. My yelp earned me a twitched smile from my spymaster.

He carried me into the bathing room and sat me on the edge of the tub before turning it on. As it began to warm up and fill, he helped me unwrap my splint and undress. I returned the favor as best I could.

We bathed quickly and then got in our sleep clothes after drying off. After carrying me to bed, Azriel poked the point of my ear. “Goodnight,” he said softly.

I smiled, never able to contain my affection. “Sleep well,” I replied.

He doused the faelights and climbed under the covers.

We snuggled against each other. One of his wings draped over the both of us, keeping us warmer than the covers could. That warmth, his scent… it helped lull me to sleep. I could fall fast asleep on stone if Azriel was beside me.

—

Azriel watched his own scarred hand brush her nightshirt away from the skin of her back, revealing two sharp scars and an elaborate tattoo. Another rare Illyrian/High Fae hybrid, she’d been born with wings. Unlike Rhys, who could summon and desummon his wings at will, hers had been permanent.

Until her High Fae mother ordered her wings removed when she was still a child. Barely more than a toddler.

Azriel hadn’t met her until Rhys disappeared Under the Mountain. She’d been fifty-seven-years-old at the time. He’d seen her in the Rainbow, in one of the pottery studios, on a hot summer day. Her clothing revealed her back. The deep, disgustingly neat scars that made it clear how her wings had been taken from her, and the deep blue-black ink covering most of the exposed skin. She’d told him once she got it to both hide and show off the scars. When he’d asked why, she’d simply replied, “I’m stronger than the people who tried to hurt me.”

She hadn’t told him it was her mother—who’d wanted her to be a normal High Fae—for another decade.

He hadn’t been in love with her at the time. But during those fifty years everyone was stuck in Velaris, they became good friends. Azriel found her company much more peaceful than the other members of the Inner Circle. He loved them all—his family—but there was no harm, or shame, in being around someone who was quiet.

Then, a human girl broke Tamlin’s curse and Amarantha was dead. The High Lords and the members of their courts were released from Under the Mountain. And Rhys came home. And Azriel was both busier and freer than ever to spend time with his new friend.

He’d been so quietly pining for Morrigan for so long that, at first, he hadn’t realized the subject of his affections had changed.

During that final battle, when Prythian’s forces were spread so thin and even every reinforcement that came didn’t seem to make a dent… she’d taken a hit. A bad slash across the lower back.

And Azriel had seen red. His powers had already been mostly used up, his Siphons dim, and his wings badly injured.

But he’d gone to rescue her anyway.

His wings had screamed at him the entire flight back to a healer’s tent and then back to the battle. But during those moments, as she bled in his arms, he knew his feelings had transcended just friendship. “If we get out of this alive,” he’d said, “I’d like to treat you to dinner.”

She’d hummed, her side vibrating against his torso. “Mmm… dinner sounds nice. Afterwards, I can buy dessert.”

“We’ll see,” Azriel had said, smiling.

After they’d both healed and returned to Velaris, they’d done just that.

They’d been together ever since.

Azriel smiled at the memories.

—

“You’re staring,” I said quietly. His staring and touching had woken me.

“You’re incredible,” Azriel replied. “Have I told you that?”

“Today? No. This week? Many times.”

A soft chuckle. “So long as you know it.”

I rolled over so I was facing him. With his wing bent over both of us, I felt like I was in a sheet fort.

His eyes harbored a small glint in the half-light. I stared at him. “What is it?” His question was gentle.

I shrugged, feeling my scars pulling on my skin. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you,” he said.

“Charmer,” I teased.

That earned me a chuckle. Though his smile dropped after a moment. “Does it bother you?” He asked.

“What?”

“That you can’t fly?”

My humor disappeared. The phantom wings I still felt sometimes shivered in the back of my mind. “Sort of,” I replied. “I’d only barely taught myself how when Mother forced me to get them removed. It’s hard to miss what I didn’t really know. But I remember the wind over my scalp. My entire body fighting desperately to keep me aloft. I loved it. But now… now I get to fly with you and remember what it felt like. It’s not quite the same, but it’s enough for me.”

Azriel kissed my forehead. “Sorry I woke you,” he said.

“It’s okay. Any extra time I get to spend with you is worth it,” I replied with a smile.

#Azriel Shadowsinger #Azriel #Azriel Imagine #Azriel FanFiction #ACOTAR #ACOTAR Imagine #ACOTAR FanFiction #Darker Shadows

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informationsorter · 3 years ago

Text

Let's talk about self diagnosing.

(This is purely a personal opinion piece.)

CW: Descriptions of hypothetical physical injury.

So I'm going to start off by immediately settling your minds - I believe self diagnosis can be both good and bad. I’m not here to judge, gatekeep, or vilify. *************************************************************

A quick overview of the sections: 3 problems/examples. 5 questions/opinions.

*************************************************************

Determining that you have an issue, does not mean that it is the only issue.

Lets start with a hypothetical example where the self diagnosis is obviously correct:

- You've fallen down the stairs. - You can see a bone sticking out of your leg. - You deduce that you have broken your leg.

This is almost certainly accurate, as there is no healthy explanation for the visible evidence.

However, this may not be the whole story.

What we’re really doing in this situation is identifying symptoms and possible/probably causes.

The symptoms are: - Pain. - Visible evidence of a broken bone. - Visible evidence of wounded skin. - Probably experiencing shock - Pale, cold, clammy skin. Shallow, rapid breathing. Anxiety. Rapid heartbeat. Etc.

The probable diagnosis: A broken leg bone.

When you arrive at the hospital, they will do an x-ray. They may discover additional injuries, for instance the bone may be broken in several places, a tendon may have been severed.

Their treatment of your issues relies on the full knowledge that they are able to learn via their tests. If they (somehow) were to treat only your broken bone and the flesh wound, you would likely end up with further health problems as the extra broken bones were not set properly, and the severed tendon would not heal on it's own.

This is a rather ridiculous example of course, but that's why I started with it.

You may believe that you know what the issue is, but if you do not have the right equipment/training, you may not be able to identify the full extent of the issue.

Even if you know what the issue is, you may not be able to determine the full impact of it.

For example: - You notice that whenever you eat citrus, your mouth and tongue start tingling/going numb. There may be also be symptoms such as sweating, feeling faint, swelling of lips/tongue. You conclude that you are allergic to citrus. You act on this by avoiding citrus. That’s all fine and reasonable. However, with this information you only know that you have a reaction to citrus. You don’t know the full extent. Are you mildly allergic? Are you at risk of anaphylactic shock? Sometimes you do not need to know the full extent (in this example you can simply avoid lemon). But sometimes you DO need to learn everything you can about it, in order to live the best life possible.

Especially when the issue is not something easily avoided such as a minor food allergy.

You might group all of your symptoms together, leading to you accidentally obscuring one issue by presenting it as another.

(An example using some of my own symptoms & past trauma experiences.)

You have diagnosed yourself with autism based on the following symptoms:

- Difficulty forcing eye contact with others.

- Inability to read the invisible social cues that neurotypical’s can see/read.

- Discomfort/anxiety in social settings / large groups.

- An extreme feeling of mental shutdown in response to loud noises/music.

These could indeed be symptoms of autism, however they can also be symptoms of other issues in play.

For instance, discomfort or anxiety in social settings could be due to an anxiety disorder.

The loud noises/music may mimic sounds from traumatic events - initiating flashbacks or fight/flight/freeze instincts.

You go to a therapist.

Your therapist listens to your concerns and symptoms, and looks for other explanations for these symptoms.

This is to ensure that the diagnosis they give you will be accurate, and thus the treatment you receive will be the most effective treatment possible for you.

If you did not go to the therapist with this, you may have been able to deal with the autism symptoms fairly well, but the anxiety and PTSD would go untreated. Your problems would not go away, because you weren’t treating ALL of your issues.

When do I believe it is acceptable to self diagnose without seeking professional verification of your self diagnosis?

- When the issue/symptoms do not affect your life in any substantial way;

- When the issue is self evident;

- When there is no indication that there is an unseen element;

- When the issue does not require urgent or extensive treatment.

Eg: Mild allergy to citrus, which can easily be avoided in your daily life.

In this sort of case, I believe it is important to stay aware of the symptoms and immediately seek a professional opinion if there is a change in severity, frequency, or perceived cause, of these symptoms.

Eg: One day you have a drink that had a lemon wedge on the rim, and the symptoms are far stronger, or appear far sooner, than they used to.

Or:

One day you have the same reaction, but you did not consume any citrus.

When do I believe that it is helpful to ask a professional to confirm/refute your self assessment?

Always.

There may be situations where the professional can’t offer any treatment (eg: a mild food allergy, where avoiding it is all that can be done). But if you feel anxiety over the uncertainty of it, and you want a professional assessment, diagnosis, or testing, you are of course entitled to it.

Whether it pinpoints a cause, or rules out a cause, finding out for sure will increase the chances of you receiving appropriate treatment.

Additionally, professional tests and assessments can identify previously unnoticed symptoms and/or issues.

(Such as additional injuries in example 1, or separate disorders in example 3.)

Do I believe that you should tell your health professional that you have self-diagnosed / self-assessed your symptoms?

Yes.

Especially with mental health issues, where your therapist’s assessment of you may be affected erroneously by them noticing that you are holding something back.

They may believe you are uncomfortable with them, or have some trust issues which you may not have.

If you simply tell your therapist that you have recorded your symptoms and searched for answers on your own, the therapist will be able to make a more accurate assessment of you.

It also gives them a good starting point, as they immediately know that the issue is concerning to you, and that you are ready to seek help for it.

Any health professional worth their training should be able to understand that you seeking explanations for your symptoms is natural, and should be willing to look into something that you are concerned about.

Eg: I told my GP (physical health doctor) that I was concerned about a specific lung condition which seemed to fit symptoms that I had been experiencing for over a decade. He listened, he asked further questions, he performed tests for the condition I had brought up, and he performed tests for other possible explanations.

In the end he determined that I did not have that condition, and we went from there.

Why do health professionals dislike self-diagnosis?

The issue with self diagnosis is that a patient can become convinced that they have something that they do not actually have.

This can lead to the patient: - Misinterpreting symptoms - Ignoring symptoms which do not fit their self-diagnosis - Unintentionally manifesting somatic symptoms which fit the self-diagnosis (this refers to a patient believing they have a condition, and their body beginning to show those symptoms. This is not the same as purposefully faking.) - Refusing testing for something other than their self-diagnosed issue - Refusing to accept that there may be a different issue - Refusing to accept that there may be additional issues - Resorting to self-help remedies which may be ineffective or actively dangerous to the patient

They aren’t just being difficult or elitist - they are concerned that your self-diagnosis may impact their ability to accurately diagnose and help you.

This is a particular concern when the health professional doesn’t know you well enough to be able to determine how much your belief will impact your symptoms, or whether you will be open to treatment if they determine a diagnosis which conflicts with your self-diagnosis.

Your health professional has YOUR health and safety in mind.

(If you believe this isn’t true, you should seek a second opinion.)

Should your health professional just accept your self-diagnosis?

It is your therapist’s duty to independently assess your symptoms, and possible causes for those symptoms.

It is not an attack on you, it is not a sign of distrust.

Think of it like scientists - they don’t just say “oh well that guy’s experiment showed these results, so they must be correct.” They go out and duplicate the experiment to check their results against the original results.

Yes, it’s not a perfect metaphor. No two people’s life experiences are the same. No two people’s brains will react identically to the same thing.

But the spirit is the same - in both cases, doing the extra work is to ensure that the stated result is accurate, NOT to discredit or demean the person who originally stated it.

What if you are certain you have a certain issue, and will not be persuaded otherwise?

I urge you to rethink this, and open your mind.

You want to heal from whatever it is that is interfering with your best life.

You want answers.

You want validation that such-and-such issue isn’t a personal failing but a neuro-divergency.

Those are great goals, but the best way to find the truth is to be open to explanations that you may not like.

And the only way to know it’s the truth, is to be honest and objective about yourself.

#CW: Descriptions of hypothetical physical injury.#did #osdd #self diagnosis #therapy #actuallydid #actuallyosdd #actually neurodiverse #actually autistic #actually multiple #long post

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dontworrysunflower · 4 years ago

Text

Merry Fucking Christmas | h.s.

a/n: i’m baaaaccckk!! lol idk it took me a while to finish this and i was gonna have it finished before christmas but then i was exposed to covid so i was little paranoid but anyway (i’m good tho). merry christmas and happy holidays!! i know this years been hard but hopefully we can make it a little better :)

warnings: drinking, angst?? idk not proof read word vomit, some language too

word count: 3.1k

also thank you @watchmegetobsessed !!

feedback/reblogs appreciated

You knew the holidays this year were going to be difficult. You procrastinated on getting gifts for your friends. Your work seemed to pile up on your desk since you got your promotion. You weren’t able to fly back home, and you still had some thanksgiving weight you weren’t able to put off.

Oh yeah, another thing. Harry was still with his girlfriend.

You met Katy, Harry’s girlfriend, at his birthday party in February. She was the epitome of ‘his type’. She had bleach blonde extensions and the bluest eyes you've ever seen. She was tall and really, really loud.

Since then, she’s all he ever talked about when they weren’t together, but when they were in the same room, boy did you want to gag.

You thought they would last maybe three to four months, you were so sure, you bet with some of your other friends.

Needless to say, you lost quite a lot of money.

You tried not to let it bother you, really. But it was so hard when Harry is the literal sweetest person you’ve met, had the voice of an angel and wasn’t bad to look at.

You felt you were the closest with Harry when you moved to London. He made you feel welcome in your little friends group. There was a little flirting game between the two of you that you didn’t even notice until one of your friends brought it up.

“Oh c’mon, it’s so obvious you like each other.” Margot slurred, her second glass clinking against the table as she finished every drop.

“What?” You asked, baffled. Your eyes were wide and your face started to heat up. “He doesn’t like me.”

“But you like him?” Ava, a friend from work, smirked at you.

You stumbled on your words, wiping at the condensation on your glass.

But since he was in a relationship now, you felt almost icky around him. You felt so uncomfortable around him that you did whatever you could to not be in the same room as him.

You were ready for the holidays, you thought. It would give you a break from constantly thinking about him being so busy with your family back in your hometown.

You should’ve known London weather wouldn’t be in your favor. It rained constantly everyday and the fog seemed to get closer to the ground every other day. The weather was getting so bad that you started working from home, the roads too wet and icy to drive on. So honestly, you weren’t that surprised when airports closed due to the weather, meaning you had to spend Christmas in London.

With Harry.

The day after flights were cancelled Harry texted on your group chat saying he could host a dinner and party on Christmas eve and everyone was invited. You watched texts from your other friends flood in, some excited vulgar words were thrown in there as well.

You never responded. Not only because you still felt weird around him for having this massive crush on him, but because things haven’t really been the same between you two.

You can’t remember the last time you had a full on conversation with him before you had to excuse yourself because you couldn’t take the ache in your chest when you were around him, and he wasn’t yours. You can’t remember the last joke he ever told you or when you went out for lunch or drinks when it was only the two of you. You were sure he noticed how weird you were around him, but never said anything, so you let it be.

As the day neared, your mind would change on whether you were going or not. You didn’t want to seem bitchy and cold on what was supposed to be the happiest and cheerful day of the year, so you thought you would go. You thought of every reason you shouldn’t go that had nothing to do with Harry, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him cozy up with his very serious girlfriend.

But there would be alcohol, so you decided to go.

•••

Hey (y/n)! Think you come over early and help me set up for tomorrow? H xx

You stared at the text for what seemed like hours, but it was only a couple seconds. Before you could even register what your fingers were doing, you tied up a quick message and hit send before you could stop yourself.

Of course!! See you tomorrow!

You hated yourself for the rest of the day. Why would you do this to yourself? You could barely be in the same room as him and some other friends. How would you survive being alone before the party started?

•••

The butterflies in your stomach have not been able to settle since you woke up Christmas Eve morning. Just the thought of seeing him made you nervous. You almost didn’t get out of bed that morning. But you pat yourself on the back when your feet finally hit your wooden flooring and moved on with your day.

Your shoulders hung low beside you as the time to meet up grew closer, the sun lowering behind you, Christmas lights and inflatable decorations coming to life as stars dotted the sky.

You sighed heavily as you styled your hair and naturally did your makeup.

You slid on your silky, tight dress and grabbed your coat and quickly made your way to your car to get away from the bitter cold.

You rubbed your hands together, blowing into them to regain some feeling before turning the key into the ignition, quickly turning the heater on, Mariah Carey blasting through your speakers.

You were about to pull out of your driveway, mumbling along to Mariah’s notes when you realized you forgot the gifts.

•••

Your shoulders were hunched up as you knocked on the white door, your foot tapping against the brick stairs of Harry’s house as you waited for him to open it in the freezing cold.

You could hear shuffling from the other side and watched the doorknob wiggle, Harry having trouble with his lock since June and still hasn’t had anyone fix it.

The door swings open to reveal Harry in his glory, brown corduroy pants and an ugly Christmas sweater under an apron that’s tied around his slender waist that you’ve always been jealous of.

“Hey, sorry, come on in.” Harry said to you before moving out of the way, a bowl nestled between his side and his arm.

You mumbled a quiet thank you before stepping in, your cheeks reddening at the warmth enveloping you as you walked through the foyer of his home.

“Mm,” he hummed as he remembered something. He puts down the bowl he had on his white kitchen counter and waddles over to you, a small curve on his lips as he wrapped his arms around you. “Merry Christmas, love.”

You hate that nickname. But you don’t. You hate the butterflies that flutter in your stomach when he says that word. You hate the goosebumps it causes you and the hairs sticking up on your neck when he says the one thing you feel too harshly for him. And you hate how much he doesn’t feel it back.

“Merry Christmas, Harry.” You mumbled into his neck, his cologne flooding your senses bringing you comfort.

He doesn’t let go of you yet, but he backs up just a little to see you. “You look gorgeous, (y/n).”

The air gets stuck in your lungs and you almost forgot how to formulate words. You hoped Harry thought the pigment on your cheeks would be from the cold because it totally was. Before it was obvious how his words affected you, you stuttered out a few words. “Thank you, you look nice too.”

He chuckled at you, the breath passing his lips hitting your neck, a tingle passing through your spine. “You don’t have to lie, darling.” He squeezed you one last time before letting you go, your body instantly becoming colder as he backed away.

There's a low hum of Christmas music playing in his surround sound system, a tall tree tucked in a corner between his burning fireplace and window looking out onto the street.

You turn your attention back to Harry as he speaks up again, his famous dimples puncturing his cheeks. “Thanks fo’ comin’ early to help me out.”

You rolled your coat off your shoulders and hung by the door, walking up to him as he moved around the kitchen. “Oh yeah, it’s no problem. Not like I had anything else to do.”

He gave you a small sympathetic smile before throwing a tray full of greens into the oven. “I’m sorry you couldn’t go see your family.”

You shrug as you run your finger on the edge of his marble counter. “It’s alright, nothing I can do much anyway.” You perk up when you remember what you’re doing here so early in the first place. “Guess that’s why I’m here, no? What can I help you with?” Your heels click as you move around the counter closer to him.

“Nope.” His lips puckered as he pushed you back to where you were standing. “Just stand there and talk to me. Wine?”

Your brows furrowed in confusion as you blindly nod, watching him uncork a bottle of Moscato. Your favorite.

He hands you a glass of the sparkling wine before turning back around to the dishes, prepping food of all kinds for everyone and most importantly; eggnog.

“But, you said you needed my help.”

He chuckled nervously, his cheeks reddening. From your comment or from the wine? You weren’t going to get your hopes up. “I just need some company before the party. Just stand there and look pretty.”

You try your hardest ignore the blush on your cheeks. You twirl the wine glass from the neck, watching the liquid swirl around in the depths of the glass. “What about Katy?”

He sighs deeply, opening the oven to check on the food. “We’ve been kind of fighting lately.”

You did your best to stop the grin from forming on your lips, hoping he did notice your sudden burst at the new information. They are still together, so you can’t act on anything. “I’m sorry. Can I ask what’s going on?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know really. Anything and everything. Every little thing I do annoys her and anything she does annoys me. It just wasn’t the same.”

“Is she coming?” You ask before you can think about it.

He shrugs again, shoulders hanging more than usual. “I don’t think so. She said she was staying home since she can‘t fly back to her family either.”

A silence hangs between the two of you when neither of you said anything, not really sure of what needs to be said next.

“I don’t think I feel the same way for her as I did in the beginning.” Harry mumbled, arms crossed over his chest as his hip leaning against the counter, his usually bright eyes a little darker, a little sadder.

You walk up to him and lay your hand on his shoulder, giving him a small smile. “It’s not my business but, if you really feel that way, you shouldn’t lead her on, it’ll only hurt both of you.”

Harry looks down at the floor as he nods. “Thanks, love.”

There’s a wave of silence between you again as he raises his head to look at you. You almost felt small under his gaze. Something about his crystal green eyes always made you nervous. You were scared he could see what you were really thinking.

And you also swear his eyes fell to your lips.

•••

The dinner party was in full swing now, people’s laughter bleeding in with the loud Christmas music playing around the house. Some people were dancing in front of the fireplace, drinks being refilled every once in a while.

You were standing by the counter with your friends, Margot and Ava, chatting and drinking your eggnog instead of the wine you had before the party started. You had completely forgotten about the wonderful man hosting this party, the conversation you had earlier with him slipping your mind as the drink in your hand lowered to the bottom of the glass, intoxicating your thoughts.

Even though you offered to help, Harry didn’t let you help with the rest of dinner before everyone came over, so now the food still wasn’t ready as people flooded in. You heard him say something about potatoes and that was as much as you knew of the food preparation and when you would be able to eat.

The music is lowered a bit and then a clicking sound was heard, everyone turning their heads towards Harry, who clinked a fork against his glass. “Dinner is ready!”

Everyone cheered and started making their way towards the dining room. Most people had already filtered towards the next room when a knock on the front door was heard.

You turned your head as Harry twisted the knob. You were sure Harry's face mimicked yours when you saw who was standing at the doorway.

There stood Katy, hair newly bleached and a little overdressed.

She wasted no time in wrapping her arms around him, her plump lips repeatedly marking his face with the bright lipstick.

“Oh god,” you waltzed over towards Ava, who was pouring herself a new glass of eggnog. “pass me the eggnog, I can’t stand this sober.” You pushed her over slightly and grabbed the handle of the ladle she was using, filling up your cup almost to the brim.

Ava looked at you in curiosity at your sudden change, carefully looking over at the lovely couple still by the door. “Wait, I thought you told me they were fighting.” She whispered beside you, eyes widening as she watched you gulp down some of the eggnog you just served yourself to give yourself some more.

“Guess fucking not.” You were much less sober now, on the brink of tipsy and drunk. Your words slurred, eyelids heavy, vision blurry. “Let’s go fucking eat.” You dragged Ava by the wrist towards the commotion in the dining room, almost, but not quite forgetting about the couple behind you.

•••

You’ve had four glasses of eggnog. Or was it five? But now, you stand in front of the bowl, pouring some into your glass again, making it six.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” You hear his sultry voice behind you, his tone a little sassy and annoyed, but you didn’t care.

“What are you gonna do about it?” You slurred, turning around to face him. His pink lips were turned down in a frown, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration, his buff arms that were constricted in his sweater cross in front of his chest. “Gonna go kiss your girlfriend some more?” You stumbled on your feet, your drink almost spilling over the rim.

“What does that have to do with anything?” His face changed from annoyance to confusion. His thumb twisting the ring on his other finger nervously.

You open your mouth to retaliate, but even in this drunk state you knew not to say anything. You chug the creamy drink, keeping eye contact with him, watching his face change again. You didn’t care.

He obviously didn’t care either.

You sighed dramatically as you finished the drink. “Merry fucking Christmas.”

•••

You had sobered up quite a bit after your little encounter with Harry, mainly because there was no eggnog left.

You realized it was for the better though, so you made your way back into the kitchen, doing your best to not stumble or bump against anything as you grabbed an empty cup to fill with water.

“I am really sorry.” You knew his voice anywhere. But it wasn’t his usual chirpy, charming voice he had that always soothed you, it sounded more sad and somber.

“On Christmas? Out of any day you chose today?” Katy sniffled, voice wobbly and hurt.

“I know but, you know we can’t go on any longer, we’ll just hurt each other more.”

“I think I'm going to head out.”

You don’t hear Harry say anything back, but the sound of the door clicking open catches your attention and you almost turn around to watch.

“I just have one question.” Katy said weakly.

You walked away before you could hear anything else.

•••

Even though you were still a little upset at Harry (For what? You weren’t sure anymore), you stayed behind as everyone left to help him clean up before you head home.

You were putting things back in his refrigerator when you heard the front door close, the light chatter and drunken goodbyes silenced by the wooden door.

You kept your back towards the door, suddenly nervous of the words that would be spoken between the two of you.

“(y/n), can we talk?” Harry’s voice was low and sultry, your knees almost gave out.

“I should um-I should get going. It’s late.” You hurry around him to grab your things and for the door, but he holds your wrist.

“Please?” He sounded desperate, and for the first time in what felt like days you looked up into his emerald eyes. There was that desperate look in his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed and lips turned down into a frown.

You sigh and nod slowly.

He lets go of your wrist and stuffed his hands in his back pockets, his pink cheeks either from the cold or from nervousness.

“I’m sorry.” He said suddenly. “I didn’t mean to get mad and I know I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Is that it?

You weren’t going to lie, you thought he would profess his love to you or something.

“I um- I also,” he swallows and takes your hand, his rings cold to the touch. “I broke up with Katy.”

Your mouth opened for words to come out but nothing ever left your lips.

“Do you want to know the real reason why Katy and I were fighting?”

You’re still speechless, scared of the answer, even though you have an idea of what he'll say.

“I’ve always liked you, (y/n).” His shoulders rise in a deep breath. “I guess, I don’t know, I thought if I started seeing someone else it would it easier but, not being with you this past year has been hell and I know I haven’t made it any easier with being with Katy but—”

Your lips crash on his, your arms wrapping his neck, your fingers immediately tangling in his brown locks.

He stumbles back in shock but grabs at your hips, bringing you closer to his chest.

His pink lips press against yours, the corners slowly turning up into a smile, breaking your kiss.

“Merry fucking Christmas to me.”

•••

Taglist:

@samaratheweirdo @sarcasticallywitty15

(Let me know if you would like to be added or taken off taglist.)

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silver-venus · 4 years ago

Text

Honey, I Shrunk Your Boyfriend

You went to Star Labs to see Cisco when he got shrunk.

Pairing: Reader x Cisco

It had been the longest three days of your life. You’d been at a seminar out of town and you were so ready to be home with Cisco that when you were offered an earlier flight you’d jumped on it. Cisco had offered to breach you there and back but there was something you always liked about the hustle and bustle of airports. The only downside was that it put you back in Central City in the middle of the day meaning Cisco would still be at Star Labs. You told the taxi driver to take you to Star Labs and ignored the questioning look he gave you. You wanted to surprise your boyfriend as he wasn’t expecting you back until the next morning.

When the car pulled up outside the building, the driver turned to you and asked, “You sure this is the place, lady? You know this place is dangerous, right?” You resisted the urge to roll your eyes.

“I think I can handle it,” you said, handing the driver some cash and grabbing your overnight bag.

As you emerged from the elevator, you made a bee line for Cisco’s lab. You weren’t sure if he was in there, but you could stash your bag there until you went home. Upon entry, you didn’t see him right away.

“Cisco?” you called to be sure. Nothing. You tossed your bag in the corner and made to look for him elsewhere when you heard a tiny clatter. Swinging back around, you looked around the room and heard a tiny squeaking noise. You followed the sound further into the room and realized it was coming from the Lego set they’d used to map out Savatar and Iris last year.

Making your way over to it, you leaned down to find the source of the noise when you spotted Cisco. “Aw! Cisco made a little figurine of himself,” you said mostly to yourself.

“I’m not a figurine. It’s me!” he said, waving his arms. You jumped back a little. That had been the source of the squeaking noise.

“Cisco?” you asked in disbelief. This had to be one of his stupid pranks. “How?” you asked, still thinking it was a tiny robot or something.

“I got shrunk by a meta,” he said, scrubbing his hands over his face.

You let that information sink in before letting your heard fall down, your hair obscuring your face.

Cisco panicked thinking you were upset. “It’s fine, babe. Harry and Caitlin are on it. I’ll be back to normal in no time,” he’d said hastily in his new high pitched voice.

Your shoulders gave a jerk and he realized, “Oh my god! Are you laughing?” he demanded. This only sent you into a fit of uncontrollable giggles and you had to turn your back to him to try and compose yourself.

Once you were under control and able to keep a straight face again you turned around to find him looking extremely displeased. “I’m sorry, honey,” you said, placing an open hand in front of Cisco. He climbed on with a huff and you lifted him up. “You just look so cute like this.”

He huffed again and shook his head, “This is so humiliating,” he pushed his hair back before crossing his arms again.

“It’s like you said. Caitlin and Harry are on the case. You’ll be back to normal in no time,” you said reassuringly.

You heard footsteps behind you and turned to see Caitlin holding a tiny Ralph in her palm. “Ralph too?” you asked.

She looked startled for a moment then nodded. “When did you get back?” she asked.

“Just a few minutes ago. I caught an earlier flight and wanted to surprise this one, but nothing is more surprising than this,” you said, holding Cisco a little higher.

His arms were still crossed over his chest and you had to bite your lip to not laugh again. You and Caitlin set them both back on the Lego set together and stood back as they began to bicker.

“Give it to me straight,” you whispered. “What are the odds of getting this reversed?” You didn’t want to admit that this was really freaking you out inside. It wouldn’t do you or Cisco any good to show how worried you were.

Caitlin put an hand on your arm and steered you further into the room out of earshot. “Harry’s on it. This only happened a few hours ago. Don’t lose hope,” she assured, you nodded.

You kept Cisco and Ralph company while Harry and Caitlin came up with a solution. Cisco asked how the seminar went, and Ralph pretended to punch himself as you described the different panels.

“Don’t be rude to my girlfriend, Ralph,” Cisco snarked and you listened in amusement at their quarrel.

It wasn’t long before Harry came in with the modified speed force bazooka and you were concerned to say the least. “You haven’t tested that thing and now you’re going to shoot it at my boyfriend?” you asked incredulously.

Harry waved a hand dismissively and Cisco piped up offering himself up as a test subject.

“I can’t watch this,” you said, turning around with a hand over your eyes. You heard the tell tale buzzing sound of the machine and turned back around, peaking towards the lego set between your fingers. You watched as Cisco and Ralph both vibrated for a moment and stopped, both still very much small. You leveled a glare at Harry who avoided your gaze.

You paced in the cortex as Caitlin ran her tests and occasionally threw annoyed glances at the brooding man from Earth-2. When Caitlin came back and told you that Cisco was unstable you lost it on Harry. You rattled off a speech that ended with your index finger in the older man’s face and, “you’d better fix this,” as Iris pulled you out of the room. You took a moment to compose yourself before re-entering Cisco’s lab. You couldn’t ever hide your emotions from him though so he knew instantly that something was wrong.

“He made us unstable didn’t he?” Cisco asked. Your silence told him everything.

You sat in the chair next to the Lego set and propped your elbows on the table, smiling sadly as miniature Cisco put a tiny hand on your arm to comfort you even though you were here to comfort him.

It was some time later Harry came back with the solution to put Cisco and Ralph back in the line of fire to fix them. You didn’t like the idea, but it was apparently better than anything else they’d thought of.

“I’m coming with you,” you said quickly.

“No, no way,” Cisco protested, you swung around and glared at his tiny form. He sighed, “Babe, this guy is dangerous. Please, just let us fix this, and I will come home to you good as new. I can’t stand the idea of you getting hurt,” he pleaded and sounded so pathetic with his tiny squeaky voice that you gave in without a fight.

You lifted Cisco in your hand once more and let him kiss you on the cheek, it tickled more than anything, and passed him off to Harry. You set another glare at Harry knowing that your anger was slightly misplaced, but you were too worried about the outcome of all of this to care. Cisco looked up in amusement at the grimace on Harry’s face under your fiery gaze.

You were pacing a hole in the Star Labs concrete floor the entire time they were gone. More than once you’d almost changed your mind about staying back and went after them, but you knew there wasn’t much you could do except get in the way or get yourself hurt. You weren’t a meta and battles weren’t exactly in your wheelhouse. You tended to freeze in panic which had caused more than one occurrence of Barry or Cisco having to save your ass since you'd joined the team. You shook your head and paced some more and wondered what the hell could be taking so long.

You were in the cortex when you heard voices from the hall and turned to see Cisco in all his 5′7″ glory. You ran into his arms and he caught you with an exaggerated groan and a laugh, lifting you several inches off the ground. You spotted Harry over Cisco’s shoulder and mouthed a silent ‘thank you.’ The older man gave a nod.

Once the two of you were home, Cisco let you fuss over him as he told you how the battle went. You laughed when Cisco told the part about breaching into Harry’s pocket.

“When we got back to Star Labs, Harry made me walk in first. He thought if you saw him first you would assume mission failure and murder him on the spot,” he said in amusement, giving you a playful accusatory look.

“He wasn’t wrong,” you admitted. You then remembered why you’d been so mad at the older man and promptly smacked Cisco on the arm.

“Ow! What was that for?” he exclaimed, rubbing his bicep where you’d struck him.

“For letting Harry fire a weapon at you without testing it first,” you said sharply, crossing your arms over your chest.

Cisco’s face softened and he wrapped his arms around your waist. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I’m so sorry.” He kissed your forehead and then captured your lips.

You pulled away after several moments slightly out of breath. “Are you sure you’re okay?” you asked, feigning genuine concern, “Maybe I should double check.”

Cisco sighed, “Caitlin checked me over. I’m good, I promise,” he said, not getting it yet.

“Well,” you said, trailing a finger down his chest to the top of his waistband, “I don’t think she checked everything.”

Cisco’s mouth fell into an ‘oh.’ “Yeah, you better check that,” he said hastily, pulling you behind him. You laughed all the way to the bedroom.

#cisco x reader #cisco ramon x reader #the flash #vibe x reader #cisco ramon imagines #drabble #one shot

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harveywritings92 · 4 years ago

Text

MHA/BNHA: They get severely injured and you heal them

You're recovery Girl's granddaughter you have a healing quirk called Angel's Glow, which requires skin on skin contact to work, small wounds, bruises and bone fractures are healed in seconds just by placing your hands on the injured area which will glow blue and repair damage, however wounds that are near fatal are different story. In that case, it’s kind of embarrassing, but you treat it how you would hypothermia, stripping down to your panties (or naked) and lay down holding that person close letting your healing aura cover them, of course you've never been in a situation where you've had to do that, pretty much keeping it reserved for your romantic partner, So when you got a call that your boyfriend was severely injured in a fight and his chances of survival aren't looking to good.

__________________

Fatgum/Taishiro:

Reader's age 26.

The last thing Taishiro remembered was fighting this crazy strong villain with an equally strong quirk! So, one can imagine his confusion when the last thing he remembered before blacking out; was fighting as Fatgum and then waking up after who knows how long as Fitgum and in a stranger's bedroom hooked up to a very annoying heart monitor that would not. stop. beeping! Taishiro slowly sat up; with a grimace expecting to feel pain shooting all throughout his body the second he moved, but to his astonishment nothing happened...

He was sure his left leg was broken during that fight! he cautiously wiggled his toes and jerk his left leg around, nothing no pain... in fact he felt great; giddy like he had just eaten an entire buffet of his favorite foods! But how did... His train thought was cut short when he felt an slender arm around his waist.

Taishiro suddenly became hyperaware of the other person, a woman. laying in the bed next to him! His heartrate spiked causing the monitor to start beeping rapidly!

The blond carefully reached over and gently pushed the woman's hair away from her face, the BMI hero felt a wave of relief wash over him upon seeing the calm sleeping face of his girlfriend Y/n starring back at him. But the relief quickly shifted to befuddlement, why was she here? he then noticed their apparent lack clothes, His yellow eyes widened and felt his face burn; Taishiro swallowed hard as he checked under blanket... why were they just wearing boxers and panties?

Spotting a some of his spare clothes in Y/n's closet, Taishiro quietly and carefully got out of the bed; unplugged the Heart monitor before taking it off, and got dressed in his track pants and T-shirt, then careful got Y/n dressed in one of his hoodies before tucking her into bed, Just as Recovery-Girl popped her head in to check on them as she couldn't hear the monitor beeping anymore, and got worried she smiled seeing her *hopefully* soon to-be Grandson-law alive and healthy.

"Oh thank goodness you're awake..."

"Yeah, I jus' woke up. Sorry for intruddin."

"It's nothing to be sorry for, though I'm sure you're confused how you aren't in a coma or dead."

"...What happened to me?"

Recovery-girl gave him the run down after he was put out of commission, Taishiro was in pretty bad shape, the out come was looking grim when Y/n ordered the ambulance be redirected to her private-practice which also doubled as her home, they got got one of her intern's to use their quirk which could burn off his fat, they cleaned his cuts and got him stitched up then the y/ht woman told everyone to go home; save for her grandmother and Kirishima who refused to leave his mentor until he was sure hew was going to be alright.

it was only when he saw Y/n taking her clothes off did the flustered teen ask about those guest rooms, she offered and recovery- Girl lead him out of the room, the y/ht woman slipped into bed next her her unconscious lover and activated her quirk, Tai's whole body was soon surrounded in veil of blue light that slowly started to repair and heal his broken body.

Taishiro smiled gently as he caressed Y/n's cheek making her wince in her sleep. "The poor thing must be exhausted over using her quirk for two days." the pride the tall man had felt to shifted into concern. "two days?!" he croaked he remembered Y/n telling him that her quirk can also transfer her patients pain onto her to the lessen their burdens, and if he was in really bad shape as recovery-girl described... "Is she gonna be okay?" he asked voice cracking, the old nurse frowned knowing that her granddaughter told him about her quirks pain absobtion. "Well, the next couple days won't be very pleasant for her, I may have to keep her sedated." the blond eyes started to burn as he watched Y/n sleeping soundly, vowing stay by her side and to take her on very nice vacation when this was all over, they could both use it.

_______________________

Shoto Todoroki:

Reader age 21, Shoto: 19

This poor touch-starved child was so confused and flustered when he woke up in a strange bed, wearing nothing but his boxers and y/n clinging to him very intimately, all while alarm-bells were going off in his head as part on his mind was still in fight or flight mode as he cautiously scanned his girlfriend expecting this to be a dream, and the villain that attacked him to pop-out at any moment...

After a few moments of waiting for the dream to end, Shoto cautiously used his fire to burn himself he winced feeling the pain burn his wrist, then the pain went numb the bi-colored haired man's brows furrowed before seeing the familiar blue aura from [y/wt] woman's quirk reverse the damage on his wrist, Shoto's stomach churred as realized what she had done, he carefully removed himself from the warm embrace of her bed and looked around the room for something to wear before spotting some a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt left out for him, he changed then carefully got his girlfriend dressed into her PJs and her tucked in.

Shoto was the picture of calm as he kept a silent vigil over the [y/hc] woman carefully playing with her hair, but internally he was freaking out! Wondering how long had he been out for? and how long had Y/n been healing him? was she going to be okay?! he grimaced at he saw her wince in her sleep; even a blind man could see she was already suffering from the effects of over using her quirk! "Why would you do something so foolish?" he sighed using his cold half to keep Y/n's forehead cool he felt her temperature spike. "Love makes you do very rash decisions." Shoto jumped to see Recovery-Girl behind him and the dual quirked boy immediate bowed his head to her in forgiveness.

"Don't do that Todoroki, you don't need to apologize."

"But because me Y/n is..."

"It's not you're fault dear, Y/n knew the risks as soon as she heard you were in critical condition."

"How long were we like that?" he asked asked dreading the answer Recovery-Girl frowned as she checked her granddaughter's vitals over. "Four days, I won't lie the next couple days won't be kind to my Granddaughter." She saw Shoto wince knowing the guilt eating at him. "But knowing she has a handsome young man looking after her, should help her make a speedy recovery.~" the room's temperature suddenly spikes as a blush adorned Shoto's cheeks Recovery-Girl giggled jubilantly as she left the room leaving Y/n in Shoto's care.

____________________

Touya/Dabi:

Reader age 25 (note you're quirk can't heal his scars (you've tried) you were childhood friends with him, he kidnapped you and keeps you in his safehouse!)

Dabi woke up that morning with a splitting headache, crap how much did he have to drink? he growled taking a sharp breath as his eyes adjusted to his dimly lit bedroom, trying to piece together what happened last night, when he caught something blue in the dim light at first he thought it was his quirk acting up, but then he noticed some of his staples were missing around his stomach...

The it all came flooding back to him one of the Nomus had gotten lose before it could be "trained" and went on a rampage the villains and a couple heroes on the league payroll stropped it, but not without consequences, the beast managed to take a bite out of Dabi's waist, the scarred man somehow managed to make it home... walking through the front door was the last thing he remembered before blacking out, then he felt his stomach drop when he realized that this blue glow wasn't his flames!

Dabi quickly turned the light on above his bed and found a sleeping Y/n hugging his waist her quirk overworking itself trying to fix his scars, which weren't healing because the tissue was to damaged to fix, "You idiot!" he barked getting out of bed, then paused when he felt a rush cold air on his everything, his teal eyes looked down... Yep, naked as the day he was born, he cussed and checked under the thin sheet Y/n had covered them in, same story.

He check her temperature she was freezing! "Tch" Dabi quickly readjusted the sheet around his girlfriend's shivering body then went and put on some black sweat pants, he quickly went to drawers and grabbed a pair of boxers and a t-shirt and put those on his y/ht girlfriend, then grabbed the discarded blanket from off the floor covering the couple.

Dabi used his quirk to boost up his body temp while rubbing Y/n’s arms trying warm her up. the last thing he needed was her getting sick, however he paused his ministrations and checked his burner phone... shit it been 2 days since the incident! He had a lot of messages from the league demanding to know where he was, He should probably get around to telling them he's alive... meh, maybe after Y/n recovered those f-ckers will live.

#boku no hero academia #bnha fanfiction #fatgum x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #dabi x reader #boku no hero x reader #my hero academy fanfiction #Healer! reader

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txemrn · 3 years ago

Text

Book: Open Heart (after book 3)

Word Count: 1456 (+/-)

Warnings: Language, angst, maternal death

A/N: You guessed it; we did another Drunken Drabbles last night (which if you ever want to play, please join us! My buddies @chemist-ana, @jstawriterbee, & @kat-tia801 joined me last night--check out their DD! They actually have smut!), and this one is brought to you be Deep Eddie's Vodka. As far as the challenge? I broke every. single. rule. First of all, I passed out before I could schedule to post this, so here I am, 2.5 hours late. Second, I didn't use the prompt. There is literally no prompt to this. Third, I'm well over 1000 word. And finally, there is no smut. Nada. Zilch. What the hell happened last night? *rubs head* Some characters and plot belong to Pixelberry. Also, no editing or pre-reading with this bad boy, so please forgive me! Enjoy! 😎

***

Depositing a dollop of hand sanitizer in her palm, newly appointed Chief of Obstetrics Dr. Tatum Erikson escorts a nurse out of a labor patient's room. “Let’s go ahead and start that amnio,” she orders as she rubs her hands together. "300 bolus followed by 80 an hour. Call me if--" the chime of her pager interrupts her. "Shit."

"Ma'am?"

Tatum rubs her temples. "Sorry--um--" she looks back at her pager. "--call me if those decels don't resolve in thirty minutes--" she begins to jog down the birthing center's corridor, heading towards the stairs to exit the unit.

She bolts down the six flights, reaching the ground level at a rapid speed. She rounds the corner, pushing past the double doors next to a large red-and-white illuminated sign: Emergency. She sees the commotion ahead and a patient being transferred from a stretcher, not responsive.

"I'm Dr. Erikson," she frantically calls out over the chaos of the room. "I was paged 911. What've we got?" As a seasoned EMT rattles off vital signs and history, Tatum instantly recognizes Karla Hogan, a patient she saw this morning at her 38-week check-up appointment.

Oh, God, no... Please no...

"...she was found unresponsive at the scene of the MVA. Asystole. CPR in process for 17 minutes--"

"Epi? We've given epi?"

"Yes--"

"Atropine?"

"Maxed."

No, no, no. This can't be happening…

"Doctor, how would you like to proceed--?"

"Put a goddamn fetal monitor on my patient," she barks, turning to a nurse nearby. "You," she points, "page OB STAT Emergency overhead. I need an OR now--"

"It won't make a difference," bellows a cold, baritone voice from the doorway of the room.

Tatum freezes, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. She knows that hauntingly deep voice: a voice that once made her giggle incessantly during the day while he purred her name late into the night; a voice that encouraged her, comforted her, believed in her all through medical school; a voice that once laid claim to her hand and her heart--that is until that voice found her in bed with his best friend. She knows that frigid tone anywhere.

"Ramsey," she mutters.

"A postmortem c-section?" He condescendingly questions, strolling confidently into the room. "She's been down for how long--?"

"But, if these chest compressions have been adequate, there's a chance--"

"She was gone before they even started--" he nonchalantly interjects as he begins testing the patient's reflexes.

"Doctor Ramsey," she chides before being abruptly interrupted by a trauma nurse.

"Dr. Erikson, I think I hear a heartbeat, but it's low and slow." Tatum nervously nods, taking a few deep breaths.

"That's good enough for me," she kindly thanks the nurse. "Alright, team," she boldly orders, "Let's get her ready for a cesarean." She turns to a nearby technician. "Where the hell is my OB team?"

"They've been paged--"

"Page them again," orders Tatum.

"But, doctor--"

"Page them again," Tatum's tone becomes more stern as she starts grabbing surgical materials. Slipping on a scrub hat, she turns to look into a pair of familiar, crystal blue eyes. "When's the last time you did surgery, Ramsey?"

The tall provider sardonically chuckles. "It's been a while," he crosses his arms, "but, it's not happening right now--"

Tatum scoffs. "Let's get her prepped people. Move!"

"Dr. Erikson," Ethan hollers, a warning in his tone. "You will not be performing this--"

"Watch me." Tatum fervently assists the nurses and technicians in positioning the gravid body. "If you've got a problem, take it up with the chief. This is my call--"

"Already have," Ethan snidely rebuttals, "and it's my call." Tatum stops applying her surgical mask, slowly turning her attention to his towering frame. Her wide eyes slowly trace down from his face to the embroidery of his white coat: Dr. Ethan J. Ramsey, Chief of Medicine.

Tatum blinks her lashes in confusion. "Where's Dr. Banerji?"

"Not here," Ethan smirks, raising an eyebrow. "Now will you be reasonable?"

"Reasonable?" She feels the anger burning inside her as she fights back the stinging pain of tears. Her eyes glisten with earnest pleading. "Ethan," she beckons under her breath, "We could save a life."

Ethan runs his hand over his face, allowing his fingers to rest against his chin. "Tatum, I--"

"Please. Do this," she swallows deeply, her voice reducing to a whisper, "for me?" Ethan's gaze fixes on his former love, a flash of memories flood before his eyes leaving the pair in a palpable stillness.

"Nurse," he calls out from over his shoulder, "I need a size eight glove."

***

"You want me to--"

"I can do it."

Ethan and Tatum walk in silence to the waiting room to retrieve Karla Hogan's husband. Recognizing him instantly, Tatum invites him to follow him to a more private room to talk.

"Just--just say it, Dr. Erikson." Tatum stuns in her steps, slowly turning to face the tearful husband and father-to-be. "Please don't make me take one more step, one more second not knowing that the love of my life--that she, my Karla--" his voice falls into sobs.

"We--we did everything--" Tatum's voice runs hoarse as tears drip from her cheeks. She clears her throat. "Mr. Hogan, I--I--" A sudden tunnel of darkness clouds around her head, the room falling silent. She feels her heart begin to panic, thundering in her chest as her breathing becomes more shallow. She's had this difficult discussion before with family members; but death in the maternity ward is never something one should get used to.

Suddenly, Ethan gently puts a hand on Tatum's shoulder, a comforting touch that always brought her back to reality. She takes a few deep breaths, looking up at him. He gives a curt nod as he squeezes her shoulder, stepping forward to talk.

"Mr. Hogan, we did everything we could…"

Tatum slips off her scrub cap, letting platinum blonde wisps cascade down her face. All she can picture in her head is Karla, how she was full of hope this morning‐‐they both were. And in the blink of an eye

"... but thanks to this skillful doctor right here," Tatum is pulled from her thoughts by Ethan's words as he points to her. "--your newborn baby girl is waiting for you, recovering in our Neonatal Intensive Care Unit."

***

After leading the emotional father up to meet his daughter, Tatum turns on her heel, making her way back to her laboring patients in the birthing center. But, before she exits the NICU, she discovers Ethan finishing a conversation with one of the neonatologists. Their eyes meet.

“Proud of you today, Tate,” Ethan offers a crooked smile.

Tatum dramatically steps closer to Ethan, crossing her arms as she raises an eyebrow. “Pardon me,” she lifts a hand up to cup her ears, “but did you just say, ‘You were right, Tatum; I was wrong’?”

Ethan pinches between his eyes while his other hand rests on his hip. “I’m never wrong--”

“Today you were--” she jovial pokes at him.

“You got lucky--”

“And you’re still bitter--”

“‘Bitter’?” Ethan scoffs, “of you--?”

“That someone’s medical intuition rivals your own--”

“Dare to dream, Dr. Erikson, but we both know exactly what your intuition is capable of--” The moment the words left his lips, a painful apologetic look plagues Ethan’s eyes as he watches the stunned hurt flash across hers. A thick silence floods between them, both of them unsure how to recover from such a low-blow of a remark. Tatum stares at the floor, unsure if she should just walk away.

“Tatum, I--” she shakes her head, waving her arm to dismiss the inevitable apology. She just wasn’t sure when she would stop paying for the sins of her past.

“So,” she tries to change subjects as a mischievous grin grows across her face. "I missed the memo. You're my boss."

"I'm your boss," he chuckles, crossing his arms.

"Hrmmm," Tatum raises her eyebrows, turning towards the door as a silence falls between them, again. She motions for the automatic door to open.

"Hrmmm what?" Ethan questions, turning towards her as the doors slowly open.

"Oh, I was just thinking," she lowers her voice, placing her hand on his arm. Ethan bites his lower lip as his cheeks begin to flush. His eyes flutter down to her lips before drifting back to her gaze. He swallows thickly.

"A-About what?" His tone matches hers.

She giggles letting go of his arm. She makes her way through the automatic doors and back en route to her department. But, not before she calls out over shoulder in a dark, sensually husky voice: "It wouldn't be the first time--" she twirls on her heel to look at him one more time, giving him a wink and a knowing smile, "--sir."

***

@chemist-ana @charlotteg234 @choiceskatie @forallthatitsworth @irisofpurple @kat-tia801 @khoicesbyk @lovelyladyk88 @lucy-268 @neotericthemis @phoenixrising308 @sfb123 @shannonwrote @shewillreadyou @taniasethi @thefrenchiemama

#open heart #ethan ramsey #open heart fanfiction #ethan ramsey fanfiction #pixelberry #choices OH #choices OPH #drunken drabbles

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jay4firefic · 3 years ago

Note

“Get Me”

You didn't give me characters so I picked! I kind of split the difference between this and "break me", sorry not sorry. TW for mentions of suicide (not our boys), drinking, implied alcoholism, and Kelly Severide being a giant goddamn mess.

Matt Casey has talked a lot of people off ledges, both real and figurative, in not quite twenty years as a Chicago firefighter. It’s just as terrifying now as it was the first time, holding a life not in his hands but with his words. Knowing that if he doesn’t find the right thing to say they’ll step over an edge they can never come back from. Knowing that sometimes even if he does they’ll do it anyway. But just like he told Boden years ago, these days he can usually tell whether they’re going to go through with it or not.

For one horrible, endless moment after he steps out onto the roof he has no sense of whether Kelly intends to step over the edge he’s teetering on.

“Sev,” he calls, forcing himself to take slow, deliberate steps across the rooftop. Past the tipped over folding chairs they dragged up here not long after Kelly first moved in, past cigar butts, past a six pack’s worth of shattered glass and drying beer, past scattered drops of red that make his heart rate creep upwards. Kelly barely even twitches as his footsteps crunch on gravel near the half-wall that surrounds the roof. “Sev, man, why don’t you come down from there before you trip?”

“He’s gone.” Kelly’s voice is a rasp, like he’s been smoking or screaming for hours. Maybe both. This close Matt can see the blood dripping slowly down the outside of the whiskey bottle in his hand before freefalling three stories to the alley below. A superficial wound, thankfully, probably inflicted by one of the many broken bottles behind them. “He moved his flight so he wouldn’t have to talk to me.”

Matt winces. “I know. Kidd told me.”

Something vaguely like anger bubbles up through his concern - how could Buck leave like this? Leave 51, leave Kelly? Leave Matt to pick up the pieces of his best friend for the third or fifth or thousandth time? - and dies away just as fast. This is the end of the road Kelly was headed down with or without Buck. It was always just a matter of which one of them was going to be left trying to make him see that there are other paths still open.

“He’s gone,” Kelly repeats, his voice breaking. Matt side steps until he can lean his hip on the wall and get a good look at Kelly’s face in the dying light, bites back a sigh of relief at what he sees there. Plenty of hopelessness and heartbreak - but anger, too. As long as Kelly Severide is pissed off, Matt figures he’s got the will to live. He’s too damn spiteful to die without settling his scores.”I thought - I thought we could fix it. I was going to…”

Propose, Matt finishes silently when Kelly holds up the object in his other hand. He remembers Kelly showing him the ring months ago - before Benny died, before the drinking started, back when Matt ordered a replacement turnout coat that just said Buck because he figured it was easier than ordering another one following the inevitable name change. Now Kelly bounces the velvet box carelessly before winding up as if to throw it, his whole body swaying drunkenly as his balance shifts.

Matt takes the opportunity presented by Kelly’s distraction to grab his raised wrist, throw his other arm around Kelly’s middle, and haul backwards with all his strength. They hit the concrete rooftop hard and struggle wildly for a moment. Matt is man enough to admit that on an average day, Kelly would win the struggle easily. But it’s not an average day, the whiskey bottle that rolls out of Kelly’s hand is nearly empty, and the only reason Matt catches an elbow in the eye is because Kelly’s drunken flailing is unpredictable. It doesn’t take long after that to subdue him.

Kelly curses and spits with all the dignity of his three legged cat - is she still his cat? Her bowls and tree were still there in the entry, but maybe Buck picked her up on his way out of town - until Matt drops more weight onto the knee he’s using to pin Kelly to the ground and the fight drains out of him. Matt counts to thirty in his head before standing and giving Kelly space to roll over, holding out a hand to help him up as well. Instead of taking it Kelly sits up and curls in on himself, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes with a raw, keening sound, the ring box forgotten on the ground near his hip.

It dawns on Matt slowly that Kelly is crying. Not the suppressed sniffles from Darden and Shay’s funerals or the silent, angry tears he shed when Buck was hooked up to too many beeping machines in the ICU, but big ugly drunken sobs. Matt freezes. There’s a manual for how to handle possible jumpers, but he’s never found a guide for what to do when someone cries and no one ever showed him how. Emotions like that were frowned upon in the Casey household.

He figures Kelly probably doesn’t want the only solution Casey has ever found - a crushing hug for a crying partner - and he doesn’t feel like getting hit again for trying. Sitting down next to him and bumping their shoulders together seems like a reasonable compromise, and conveniently allows him to palm the ring box and shove it into his coat pocket for safekeeping. He thinks - he hopes - that Kelly is going to need it back someday.

“He’s gone,” Kelly keeps repeating, his words beginning to slur together. Matt eyes the empty bottle a few feet away, the broken glass behind them, and does the math on how long it’s been since Kidd called to say Kelly was leaving her apartment in a rage after finding Buck gone. He doesn’t like the result.

“How much did you have to drink, buddy?”

Kelly makes a wounded noise.

“I’m serious, Sev. Do you need a hospital?”

“No,” Kelly mumbles, his weight against Matt’s side growing heavier as he seems to lose either the will or the ability to sit up. “Just had a few drinks. ‘S not a problem. Don’t have a problem.”

Matt has heard the same refrain off and on for months now. I don’t have a problem. It’s just a few drinks. I don’t need a babysitter, man. Buck’s making it sound worse than it is. I can stop anytime I want, I just don’t fucking want to.

“Yeah,” he sighs, digging out his phone one handed to send a text: Need help. Bring IV. “You do. But we’re gonna get you through it, alright? You and me, we’re gonna get through it, just like we always do.”

#chicago fire fanfiction #kelly severide #matt casey #buck x kelly severide #tw alcoholism #tw suicide #prompt fills #my fic #asks and answers

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slightlycrunchy · 3 years ago

Note

"don't freak out" with de-aged Dadzawa to Shinsou

I think I took this in a different direction dear...but I hope you like it XD

WC 1900~, rated T, de-aged aizawa, references to child abuse and implied child abuse, happy ending, dadzawa&shinson

There’s a new little boy today.

Hitoshi stares from behind Miss Tanaka’s legs, gripping at her dark blue skirts tightly. He knows she won’t like this, but for now she’s occupied with welcoming the new kid and Hitoshi will take advantage of it for as long as possible.

The boy is dark; dark eyes and dark hair, dark lashes that fan out across his cheeks. Pale skin. It’s been a while since a new boy has come to the orphanage, and this one looks to be about his age. Hitoshi just turned six this year.

“What’s your name, dear?” Miss Tanaka asks in her sickly-sweet tone, the one she uses with certain people that don’t include Hitoshi. It won’t last long. She really likes to yell an awful lot. “What did your parents call you?”

“Shouta,” the boy says immediately. Hitoshi blinks. The boy doesn’t seem shy, unlike most new orphans. Hitoshi is still shy, and he’s been here as long as he can remember.

“Found him in an alley, poor thing,” the social worker says. Hitoshi can’t remember her name. He startles when the boy—Shouta—speaks again.

“I don’t belong here. I have a home—”

“Yes, yes dearie, that’s what they all say,” Miss Tanaka dismisses. Hitoshi looks up at her when he feels her gaze find him, and he fights his natural instinct to cower. Her eyes go cold when she sees the wrinkles his fists have left in her skirt. “Hitoshi, dear,” she grits out between clenched teeth, “why don’t you take Shouta with you upstairs? Show him the boy’s room, yes?”

It’s phrased as a question but Hitoshi knows it isn’t a request. He nods frantically, immediately grabbing one of Shouta’s small wrists in his clammy hand. “Come on, this way.” He can do this. He can be good, useful. They won’t hurt him if they can use him, he’s sure of it.

The boy doesn’t come willingly and yet Hitoshi perseveres, stomping his small socked feet up two flights of stairs to the younger boy’s room; the girls have their own and the older boys as well, across the hall. Every step brings more struggle from the boy behind him but Hitoshi won’t stop, can’t stop when this is him being good. He has to be good.

“Hey kid, stop—”

“No, we have to listen. You’re new here, but I’m telling you, ya’ have to listen or you’ll get in trouble—”

“Kid, stop.”

“My name is Hitoshi.”

“Hitoshi, it’s okay. Just—calm down.”

He hadn’t even realized just how hard he was breathing, and it only dawns on him as they come to a stop in his—theirs, now—slightly rectangular bedroom, filled with bunk beds from corner to corner, with a wide open space in the middle kept meticulously clean. Hitoshi takes a deep breath as he whirls on the boy behind him, the kid’s dark eyes half-hooded with obvious apathy.

Did Hitoshi ever look like that, or was he always afraid? Shouta doesn’t know enough about this place to be scared of it, but fear keeps Hitoshi safe, so he will teach the boy. He’ll teach him. He ignores Shouta’s suggestion that he ‘calm down’.

“You sleep when they say, eat when they say, and play when they say. Do your lessons when Miss Ro says so, and wash behind your ears. They check, believe me…” Hitoshi says darkly. Shouta’s eyebrows are slowly knitting together; that’s fine. It means he’s taking Hitoshi seriously. “It’s alright here, if you follow the rules and stay out of the matrons’ way. The older kids are pretty nice. They’ll help you, if ya’ ask. ‘Specially the ones who have been here a while. They get it.”

Hitoshi wants to tell him about the dark room and the belt, the sly fingers that yank and pull at ears and cheeks and skin without warning, leaving red crescent marks and sometimes blood—but he’s hoping the other boy will never have to experience that.

“I’ll help you. You’ll be alright, with me.” Hitoshi tries to smile reassuringly.

Shouta doesn’t smile back or look relieved like Hitoshi had hoped; if someone had told him this when he first arrived, Hitoshi thinks he himself would have appreciated it. Learning on the fly has ended in too many nights with a raw bottom or aching back when the matrons get too heavy handed with the belt. He cringes inwardly.

Shouta’s face is smooth, impassive. Hitoshi doesn’t like that he can’t read the other boy easily; is that normal for kids their age? Hitoshi can’t seem to hide a single thing from the grown-ups.

Shouta shifts his weight, his eyes narrowing in apparent suspicion. Hitoshi flinches. Did he mess this up, too?

“Do they hurt you, Hitoshi?”

He feels the blood freeze in his veins. Is he that obvious? Oh well, he supposes there’s nothing for it now. He’d rather shelter Shouta from the hard truth of it, but if he already sees it written in the lines of Hitoshi’s tiny body and the sound of his frantic words, then...well the matrons are always telling him to be honest, aren’t they.

“Yeah...but it’s alright. You just gotta be better than me, Shouta. You can do that, right? It’s not so hard. I’ll still help you, I promise, just follow my lead, okay? You don’t have to be scared.”

The thing is, Shouta doesn't look in the least bit scared.

He looks furious.

Hitoshi is about two seconds away from cowering back and finding his bed where he can hide under the blankets and pretend he has some semblance of safety under them. How did he mess this up already? How is Shouta mad at him before he’s even had a chance to get to know Hitoshi?

“Hey, hey kid, no- I…” Hitoshi looks up to see one of Shouta’s small hands, reaching out to him. It’s slow, and this is about the only thing that keeps Hitoshi held fast in place. Once again, he can’t help but think that this boy is strange; he doesn’t hold himself or talk like any other kid Hitoshi has ever met. The confusion only heightens the sense of wrong that all of this brings and it welcomes hot, unbidden tears to his eyes. But it’s been a long time since Hitoshi has let himself cry, so he holds them back and they burn all the more.

Shouta sighs, the little sound echoing out across the bare wooden floors around them. He stares Hitoshi down with a quiet strength that Hitoshi doesn’t know what to do with. “If I tell you something, you have to not freak out, ok?” Hitoshi nods, though he’s not sure if he’ll freak out or not. Shouta nods back resignedly. “I’m not truly a child. My name is Aizawa Shouta and I’m actually...big. A grown up,” he says slowly, as if trying to find the right words to explain himself. Hitoshi on the other hand feels his jaw drop to the floor. “I got hit by a quirk that made me small and I got turned around in the confusion. That stupid woman brought me here, but I’m not an orphan. I’m a pro hero. Eraserhead.” He finishes off by jutting a hand forward, his small fingers poised into a clear invitation for a handshake.

It’s this last detail that settles the thought in Hitoshi’s mind: Shouta is telling the truth.

Hitoshi knows this with every trembling bone in his body for multiple reasons. One, no kid his age has ever talked the way Shouta does, with slow pauses and thoughtful phrases, with fire in his words ready to stand up to even Miss Tanaka downstairs, lacking any and all fear of authority that Hitoshi has quickly learned to cultivate.

Two, the story seems like it could be true. People are affected by quirks all the time and accidents happen a lot. Hitoshi has been on the receiving end of too many quirks to not believe Shouta when he says this is what happened.

And three...well, three is the most convincing of all.

Because Hitoshi knows of Eraserhead. Hitoshi loves Eraserhead.

Hitoshi thinks back to when it happened. He's pretty sure he was five, though the days tend to all run together. Measurements such as weeks, months, years mean very little to him, but he’s almost sure he’s right. In the summer, the matrons find themselves busier than usual--with school being out and all--the kids running rampant with boundless energy. But not Hitoshi. No, he had taken the opportunity to slip away, out the front door and down the street, where the city was somehow blissfully quiet and where he had gone to enjoy his time alone. Well, not entirely alone.

“You back again, kid?” Eraserhead had asked. After the second time of meeting in the alley, the man had finally introduced himself, though Hitoshi never did return the favor. Hitoshi had been floored when he learned the man was a pro hero. Hitoshi nodded in response, kneeling down to observe the real reason the both of them ever found themselves in that alley that smelled of hot, sweltering garbage.

A mother cat had birthed kittens a few weeks back and Hitoshi was fascinated by them. Eraserhead was too.

And now, Eraserhead is a boy with dark hair and dark eyes that Hitoshi recognizes and oh my god it’s real, what are they gonna do--

“Shh, shush, it’s alright Hitoshi.”

The boy pales. “Do you...do you remember me?” He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Shouta says no, it might just break what’s left of his half-starved heart. This is Eraserhead--Shouta, a pro-hero who now knows what happens to Hitoshi in the dark corridors of this place, and he had always wanted to tell Eraserhead but he could never seem to strike up the courage. But now Shouta knows and what if still nothing changes--

“Yes, I remember you, kid. I took one of those cats home, did you know? Never saw you again after that last time.”

Hitoshi didn’t know. One day he went back and the cats were just gone.

“Took the rest to a shelter. They were old enough to be separated from their mother and it just didn’t feel right leaving them on the streets. Bothered me I couldn’t tell you that,” Shouta sighs. Hitoshi blinks, still trying to reconcile the silhouette of the man he had begun to know and bond with, with the figure of a small boy before him. He feels like he needs to sit down.

“Listen, kid,” Shouta begins, his tone leaving no room for argument, “I’m not staying here. I’ve got people out looking for me and for all I know, this quirk has a time limit.” A small hand comes to rest firmly on Hitoshi’s shoulder and he looks up from where he had unknowingly been staring at his shoes. “And when I leave, I’m taking you with me. I know these places aren’t great but...mm," Shouta shakes his head. "I’m not just gonna leave you here, kid. Hitoshi. Do you want to come with me?”

Hitoshi feels numb, his fingers tingling weirdly, but not unpleasantly. He can’t quite get his mouth to work.

For a moment Shouta looks nervous. “I named her Sakura. She’s the one with the blue eye, remember?”

The cat. Shouta is talking about the cat. Hitoshi feels a small smile break onto his face, stealing space like a creeping shadow. Shadows. Hitoshi would like to leave behind his shadows. He finds himself nodding. He licks his lips, voice cracking when he speaks.

“Sakura. I like that name.”

Shouta smiles.

send me prompts!

#and then they lived happily ever after #i dont know what this orphanage is lollll #my writing #dadzawa #age regression #bnha #my hero academia #fic #hurt/comfort

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ambssssssssss · 4 years ago

Text

ao3 link

Kara soared high above the city she had called home for the last several years, just as she had done every morning since she first arrived in National City. Her first flights around the city had been thrilling, the adrenaline of using the abilities she had denied to herself for so long filling her being with the same sunlight that powered those special abilities. She had used the flights for an escape while she’d been in college, a way to remove herself from the pressure or fitting in and taking tests and trying to act human. It was all too much sometimes. Kara needed a moment to herself to just breathe in, to close her eyes and listen to the sound of the city she loved and pretend that she didn’t feel like there was something missing.

As Kara got older, and her presence in National City was noticed more, the nature of her flights changed. No longer was flying over the city too high up for anyone to see an escape but rather a commitment. She couldn’t slip into dark jeans and a black hoodie to disappear against the night sky anymore, especially not after she saved that plane. Now she dons a blue suit and red cape and flies just high enough that the people below can see her and take comfort in the symbol she wore on her chest. Kara took these flights so that the city could be safe, could feel safe.

It was a habit more than anything else to patrol the city now. When Supergirl had first arrived on the scene, it seemed like there was a new villain in the city every week and all of them had some kind of vendetta against Supergirl, or against her mother or father. Kara fought against them all, absorbed the words of hate that they spewed on her family name and tucked the anger and pain away until she was sure that no one could tell how much of those emotions she carried around with her. Then she stepped out of her Supergirl persona, slipped on a carefully constructed silver ring with a band of red on the inside, and went about her day as Kara Danvers, the longest-running assistant to Cat Grant ever and current reporter attempting to make her way in the world.

Kara’s days were planned out almost to the minute. She woke up with the sun, basked in the glow of the golden lights for a moment to let her body absorb the strength of its rays, and then slipped her special ring on to go about her day. She arrived at CatCo just early enough to make people think she had to rush to get there on time, made her way into the daily content meetings with acting CEO of CatCo, and Kara’s ex, James and the various heads of departments. Around mid-morning, Kara would duck out of CatCo in the name of a coffee run or chasing down a lead to complete her daily morning patrol, and then she would go back to work and try to act like she didn’t miss the power she felt when she wasn’t wearing her ring.

Kara’s ring was the first and only time she had applied her vast scientific knowledge to a project on earth. She had made it in the name of fitting in as a normal teenage girl, not an alien from a dead planet who was stronger than almost any other person on earth. The list of people who were stronger than Kara shrank just a little bit each time she was able to use her powers without restraint. The ring was made out of an aluminum alloy mixed with a very small amount of lead that was intended to keep Kal from looking too closely and seeing what the ring housed.

The inside of the band was hollow to allow for an amount of material very carefully constructed to keep Kara appearing as a normal human without causing her any pain. To get the material, Kara had very carefully extracted the radiation from a sliver of kryptonite Jeremiah had stolen for her, and then separated the radiation generated from the piece of Krypton reacting to earth’s yellow sun from the residual solar energy of Rao that was left in the ore. Kara then tested the amount of red solar radiation she could withstand before she was left completely powerless. Inside the ring she had enough of this modified kryptonite to render her mostly human, unable to fly or use her freeze breath or heat vision, and leaving her as strong as the average gym goer. Most importantly, the modified kryptonite didn’t affect her senses so that Kara could still see, hear, or smell danger coming from far enough away that she could take her ring off in time to be prepared for whatever was coming. The substance only worked if it was pressed directly against her skin, which was why the underside of the ring was covered in it. After being on Earth for so long, as long as she spent a good amount of time each day without the ring on, her powers would return almost instantly.

Kara’s life was...predictable. The most interesting thing she encountered most days, baring an alien induced apocalypse, was the increasingly awkward flirtatious encounters that Mike seemed to find her in. Mon-El, Mike now that he was mostly settled on Earth, had landed outside of National City in a Kryptonian pod three years ago. Kara had found his pod and taken him to the DEO, the secret government agency where Kara’s sister Alex and their friend J’onn worked. When Mon-El awoke a few days later, he was immediately enamored by Kara, but Kara never returned his feelings.

Mon-El wasn’t very accepting when Kara informed him that her efforts to help him settle on Earth, getting him a job, teaching him to control his powers, and helping him find an apartment, were simply examples of Kara being friendly and not Kara expressing any sort of attraction to Mon-El. Part of his confusion stemmed from the fact that he was the Prince of Daxam and as such had never been rejected before in his life. Kara told herself that the rest of his confusion came from a misunderstanding of human dating practices.

Kara might have been tempted to give him points for persistence if she believed that she was the only one Mon-El was pursuing, but Mike was well known as the office flirt. It wouldn’t have changed anything for Kara either way. Every encounter with Mike left Kara wishing that she had gotten him a job literally anywhere else in the city, maybe even in a different city all together. Their encounters were stifled and always lasted too long in Kara’s opinion.

In everything that she did, Kara felt like she was simply drifting through her life. She wasn’t flying anymore, no direction to go in and no light in the distance for her to set her sights on. She simply hovered and let the motions of her life flow through her.

The longer this went on, the harder it was for Kara to ignore that feeling that there was something missing.

“Supergirl, we need you at the DEO.” J'onn voice sounded in the comms device Kara had in her ear. Kara pressed her finger to the device and replied in an affirmative before changing her course to take her to the DEO city base.

“What’s going on?” Kara asked as she approached where J’onn and Kara’s best friend Winn were standing around the wide table in the center of what Kara had always thought of as the command center. She looked for the third member of the team who usually awaited Kara’s arrival there as well, but there was no sign of her sister. “Where’s Alex?”

A look passed between J’onn and Winn that immediately had Kara’s nerves standing on edge.

“What happened?” Her voice was as strong as the steel that she was often credited as being made of.

“Alex went on a reconnaissance mission late last night.” J’onn crossed his arms over his chest as he made eye contact with Kara. “She missed her 3 o’clock check in, and every check in since.”

“Where is she?”

“We last tracked her signal approaching a half mile away from the target of her mission,” Winn directed Kara’s attention to the map that was up on the monitors before them. Two markers were shining on the screen, one red and one green. Kara’s eyes narrowed as she looked at the map.

“Kryptonite?” she asked. The green marker was rarely used to indicate anything else as most enemies were marked in black. “She was tracking a kryptonite signature.”

“She was, which was why we didn’t call you before now,” J’onn supplied. “But I’m afraid there’s more.”

“The signature came from the old Luthor Mansion 15 miles outside of the city.” Winn said regretfully. Kara felt her spine stiffen.

“There aren’t any Luthors anymore.”

Her voice was cold with regret and guilt and blame, both for herself and for Mon-El, at the reminder of the greatest loss Kara had suffered since coming to Earth.

Three years ago, Lena Luthor had come to National City with the ambitious dream of turning her family name and company into a force for good. She felt like she had to make up for all the damage that her brother had caused in his one-man war against Superman. Kara had been drawn to her from the moment they met. Professional interviews had turned to casual cups of coffee, and then brunches, and then lunches that lasted so long they ended up having dinner as well. Then it was Lena on her couch at game nights and Lena in her kitchen in the mornings and Kara falling hard and fast for the woman that every thought was a monster simply because of her last name.

Then it was the Daxamite invasion and Lena was the only reason that Mon-El survived the atmosphere irradiated with lead. Lena was the only reason that the city had survived that attack and she was the only person that Kara couldn’t save.

In the chaos of the invasion and Kara’s fight against Superman and then Queen Rhea, Lillian Luthor had kidnapped Lena, again. Kara had searched high and low, checking every known Luthor property and even a few that she only knew about because she was Lena’s best friend. Kara searched for two years without finding even a hint of the Luthors until Lex showed up in National City.

Kara had fought him off, driven by a desperate need to find Lena and save her because it had been two years but Kara’s hadn’t diminished in the slightest. Lex had mocked her, picked at her failure to save Lena before it was too late. Kara’s blood boiled at the realization that Lena was well and truly gone, somewhere that Kara couldn’t hope to bring her back from. The dead could only be mourned, not rescued.

Kara had taken her anger out on Lex, his experimental powers no match for the force of Kara’s rage and regret. He didn’t stand a chance against her. Kara didn’t regret anything about that encounter, but she wished that it could have done something to bring Lena back to her. Six months ago, Kara had finally accepted the truth and stopped looking.

“Alex, she wanted to clear it before she brought you in on this,” J’onn explained. “She wanted to have an answer for what was happening before she brought up the Luthors. With Lillian in jail, Lex gone, and Lena…” He trailed off as Kara looked away. “Her signal went out exactly half a mile from the Mansion and the kryptonite signature is gone.”

“So, you think she found it but, what? Set off a boobytrap and got stuck?” Kara knew her tone wasn’t one that she should take with her boss but she didn’t really care at that moment. She’d apologize later.

“We don’t know.” J’onn looked at the map again. “But we do know that you are the only one who ever had any real success against the Luthors. If something is going on there, you’re the only one who can stop it.”

“I need to set up a cover with James,” Kara said, turning and striding towards the window to take off towards CatCo. “I’ll be back in half an hour, ready to go.”

After establishing an alibi with James, narrowly avoiding another flirting attempt by Mike, Kara returned to the DEO. She double checked the coordinates for the Mansion and set off in the direction, intent on getting her sister back safe and sound. She’d already lost too much to the Luthors, she wouldn’t lose the other person who mattered most to her.

Kara flew to the point where Alex’s signal had gone out and found only the empty driveway that led to the doors of the Mansion. She landed and pulled her day clothes on as she approached the house proper. Alex’s motorcycle was parked outside the front door, the black helmet hanging off the handle bars. Kara frowned at the sight. Alex clearly wasn’t expecting to find anything worthy of taking back to the DEO, otherwise she would have brought a car, but she had found something. There wasn’t any evidence of a fight where Alex’s signal dropped off the map and it looked like Alex had been able to walk into the Mansion perfectly unharmed.

Curious, Kara pressed her finger to the comms device in her ear. She heard only static.

Keeping her modified ring in her pocket so that she would go into the Mansion fully powered, Kara moved past her sister’s bike and stepped through the door.

The inside of the Mansion was...cleaner than Kara was expecting it to be. This had been one of the first places Kara had checked in her search for Lena years ago and she clearly remembered that the Mansion had been covered in layer upon layer of dust and crime. The furniture had been covered in dirty white sheets and Kara’s feet had left a path through the grime on the floor. Now, the floor was so clean that Kara could see her reflection on the polished marble and the sheets draped over the furniture were a pristine, sharp white.

Kara concentrated her hearing but she couldn’t hear anything around the Mansion at all. A quick scan with her x-ray vision showed that the walls were lined with lead. That was different than the last time Kara had been there. How had she been unaware of such a major renovation of a Luthor property this close to her home city? Shaking off the unnerving feeling that she was being watched, Kara continued further into the house.

She checked all the rooms on the first floor and found no evidence of life in all but the kitchen. The kitchen was fully stocked and furnished with gleaming state of the art fixtures. Kara’s anxiety about this situation increased even more as she reached the top of the grand staircase and her ears picked up on a faint buzzing noise coming from down the hall. It was the soft hum of electricity overlapping with the louder hum of some kind of machinery. Kara followed the sound down the hall until she found a partially open doorway.

After checking to see if she could see through the door - she couldn’t - Kara gently pushed the door just a little bit until it opened enough that she could see inside.

“Alex!” Kara called out as she saw her sister laying on a cot just inside the room. She looked unharmed, a quick scan over her revealing no cuts of broken bones. Her heart rate was normal, not shallow or elevated and she stirred as Kara called her name.

“Kara?” Alex blinked sleepily and then sat up right, suddenly wide awake. “Kara, you can’t be here.”

“Alex, c’mon, of course I was going to come for you,” Kara attempted to move closer to her sister and was barred from getting too close by a shimmering blue forcefield that Kara collided with. “What the hell?”

“Kara, it’s-it’s too much to explain but I need you to trust me and go.” Alex stood up and placed her hand on the forcefield that separated them. “Please, Kara. Go.”

“I’m not leaving you here, Alex. You��re a prisoner!” Kara attempted to push the forcefield but was forced back with surprisingly gentle pressure.

“I’m not, really. She wouldn’t hurt me, Kara. And I know she doesn’t want to hurt you and that’s why you have to go.”

“No, I’m not going anywhere without you!”

“Kara-” Alex cut herself off and turned away like she was bracing herself for something awful a second before Kara felt the power of true kryptonite wash through her being, stronger than she had ever felt it before.

The force of the radiation on her skin brought Kara to her knees and then further to the ground as she released a series of high pitched grunts and groans. She was dimly aware of Alex calling her name, apologizing for something, before her mind registered another sound. A voice that she hadn’t heard in almost three years but one that sent Kara’s heart racing in a way that had nothing to do with the pain wracking her body.

“Hope, activate the cleansing protocol.”

“Yes Miss Luthor.”

There was a shimmer of blue tinted light around Kara and then she felt the warmth of artificial sun rays casted over her body but she ignored both in favor of lifting her head to find the source of that voice. When her eyes finally found their target, Kara was helpless against the tears that welled.

“Lena…” Her name escaped Kara as barely more than an astonished whisper. Lena was standing on the other side of Kara, barely in the room past the doorway and yet Kara felt as if Lena was the only one in the room. “It’s really you?”

“Hello, Kara,” Lena said and it was her voice, yes, but it was empty. There was no warmth in Lena’s eyes, no fondness in the way her lips formed Kara’s name. Lena’s face was carefully blank as she gazed at Kara, eyes roaming like she was trying to take in every inch of Kara at once.

“Lena,” Kara repeated her name. There were so many things that she wanted to say, secrets that she had wanted to tell Lena three years ago but thought she would never get the chance to say, but still Kara hesitated. This was Lena, casual Lena that Kara only got to see once Lena had deemed her trustworthy enough. Lena with her hair down in its natural waves and wearing a cardigan and sweats rather than her work attire. Lena in socks instead of heals and with her natural pink lips on display. This was Kara’s favorite Lena.

But this was also Lena with green veins running along her skin and glowing eyes that were so close and yet so far away from her natural color.

This Lena was Kara’s kryptonite in every sense of the word.

“Kara,” Alex called out, making Kara suddenly remember that it wasn’t just her and Lena in the room staring at one another in silence. Kara turned to her sister. She didn’t know what expression was on her face but it was one that seemed to cause Alex’s concern to rise. “Kara, I’m going to help her.”

“Alex, she’s…” Kara couldn’t even begin to describe what she thought was happening with Lena.

“I know, Kara, I know.” Alex looked at her sister with the same gentle understanding that she had two years ago, when Kara finally broke down and admitted that she had been in love with Lena and never told her. “But she’s going to be okay. We found her in time.”

Kara didn’t like the implications of Alex’s statement and turned back to where Lena was still lingering in the doorway.

“The kryptonite signature that the DEO picked up,” Kara said in a shaking voice. “That was you?”

Lena nodded once, short and sharp like the movement hurt. “I’ve been trying to break through the dome Lex placed over me for months. I could only hold the breach for thirty seconds before it closed again.”

“Lex, he used really advanced alien technology here.” Alex chimed in with a wide gesture at the dome that covered her and the one that covered Kara.

“He didn’t want anyone finding me and he knew I wouldn’t leave like this,” Lena took a step back so she was standing in the doorway. Kara took an instinctive step forward like she was going to keep Lena from leaving. “Not when I would be hurting you just by being in the same room as you.”

“You could never hurt me, Lena.” Kara said certainly. Lena scoffed softly.

“I think the kryptonite poisoning you just endured proves that I can,” Lena smiled sadly. “Even when I don’t want to.”

“That isn’t your fault, Lena.” Kara tried to take another step forward but was thwarted by the dome around her. She put her hands against the surface and clenched her fists in frustration. “Please, Lena, take this down.”

“I can’t, Kara,” Lena shook her head and took an involuntary step forward. Kara could see the same desire that she had, to take Lena in her arms and never let her go, reflected in Lena’s eyes. “I won’t hurt you like that. Lex has already killed me, I won’t let him do the same to you.”

“You aren’t going to die from this.” Alex said fiercely. “We can figure out what Lex did to you.”

“We don’t have enough time Alex,” Lena spoke sharply and then nearly doubled over as an intense coughing fit ripped through her lungs. “I called you here to say goodbye, not to save me.”

“You should have known that I wouldn’t accept that,” Alex replied and then looked pointedly at Kara. “And neither would she.”

“You are not going to die, Lena. I won’t let you.”

“Kara, it’s only a matter of ti-”

“No! No, I’m not losing you again, Lena.” The tears that had been building in Kara’s eyes since she set her sights on Lena again began to fall. Kara didn’t bother trying to wipe them away. “I’ve already lost you twice. When your mother took you and then again when Lex attacked National City and said that you were…” Kara swallowed harshly, unable to say the word. “I’m not doing that again. I won’t fail you again.”

Silence reigned for a long moment after Kara’s proclamation. Tears still fell from Kara’s eyes but she refused to tear her gaze away from Lena. She was certain that for the first time in her life, Kara’s expression matched the brokenness she felt inside. She was sure that Alex was wearing that concerned older sister expression that she always wore when Kara revealed even a hint of the pain she carried, but Kara only cared for Lena’s expression. Lena who looked just as broken as Kara felt.

“Kara, no, none of this is your fault.” Kara almost smiled at seeing that the first thing Lena chose to address was Kara’s very last statement. “There was no way you could have found me, Lex made sure of that. He was even crazier than he was before.”

“I should have looked harder, searched more. I should have found you.”

“You did find me,” Lena’s smile was watery. “I don’t have much time left, I know that, but I’m glad I got to spend some of it with you, even like this.”

“I can help you, Lena,” Kara reached into her pocket and pulled out her power dampening ring. “I’ve removed the radiation from kryptonite before. I can do it again.”

“What is that?” Lena asked, taking a hesitant step forward. Kara offered a reassuring smile.

“Let me send it through the barrier and you can see for yourself.” Kara waited until Lena had nodded, moved a few paces back so she wasn’t entirely in the room, and then ordered Hope to drop the barrier for less than a second. The barrier was back up a moment later and Lena came into the room again to pick up the ring that Kara had slid in her direction.

As she walked, Kara studied Lena’s movement. Every motion was followed by a concealed grimace. It was clear that every second Lena was upright was another second that she was in pain. Kara felt the anger and guilt swell within her to previously unreached levels. Anger at Lex for doing this to his sister and anger at herself for letting it happen, guilt that she hadn’t found Lena sooner.

“Is this kryptonite?” Lena asked after a few moments of examining the ring.

“It used to be,” Kara answered. “I needed something to help dampen my powers so I could blend in better.” That was another web to untangle, the fact that Lex had probably told Lena her secret, but they could deal with that after all this was over. “Jeremiah got some kryptonite for me to work with and I removed the radiation, leaving the ore raw. I used simulated red sunlight to replicate the power of Rao and played around with solar energy and radiation until I found a level that would dampen my powers but not remove them.”

“I knew you were brilliant, Kara, but that is…” Lena trailed off. Despite the tenseness of the situation, Kara felt herself blush at the praise. “Amazing.”

“I can remove the radiation from the kryptonite that’s in your veins,” Kara said confidently, forcing her voice not to shake. “From there, you should be able to flush the residue out with a blood transfusion.”

“I’m afraid it won’t be that simple,” Lena said, fingering the ring in her hand like it was a precious item. “Lex didn’t just inject me with kryptonite, Kara. He injected something into my bone marrow. I don’t have kryptonite in my blood, my blood is kryptonite.”

“Well, fuck.” Kara surprised everyone in the room, including herself, with the expletive. “Sorry, I just-”

“No, fuck about sums it up,” Lena joked softly.

“I can still help you,” Kara said after a moment. Lena offered her a smile that was almost as warm as the ones she used to send Kara’s direction on a daily basis. Kara ached at the thought.

“It’s nice to see that your optimism hasn’t faded.” Kara had half a mind to tell Lena that it was stubbornness that was fueling her, not optimism. “But I’m not sure what you could do. I’ve done every test I can think of, and there’s been a lot of them, but nothing has worked. I’ve tried to neutralize the kryptonite with red sunlight, but that didn’t affect anything. I tried to flush it out with yellow sun light, and again nothing. I’ve taken every sample, and run every test, but nothing has worked.”

“And you don’t metabolize things like Kryptonians, and even though kryptonite isn’t inherently deadly to humans, it is still radiation.” Alex picked up, obviously having heard Lena’s explanation before. “Too much of anything can hurt a human.”

“This kryptonite blood that I’m producing, it’s flawed somehow. Lex’s formula didn’t rewrite all of the blood cells correctly. My working hypothesis is that the kryptonite he put in my bone marrow is basically acting like a fast growing cancer. I don’t have enough normal blood cells to fight it off.”

“And the longer you’re exposed, the worse it gets.”

“How long have you been like this?” Kara asked, halfway afraid of the answer.

“A year.” Lena answered. Kara looked away from her, unable to stand the guilt that washed over her. That’s what Lex had meant, six months ago during their battle. When he said that Kara had been too late, he hadn’t meant that Lena was dead but that she was dying and there was nothing Kara could do to save her. “I don’t think I’ve got more than a month left.”

“There has to be something we can do,” Alex was pacing furiously across her dome. For a moment, Kara wondered why Alex was in a protective dome as well but then she realized that Lena wouldn’t be willing to expose her kryptonite laced self to anyone who might come into contact with Kara. She had already said that that was the reason that she hadn’t attempted to leave the mansion.

“There’s nothing. I can’t flush it out of my system with a little sunlight, Alex.” Lena’s tone was biting but her shoulders dropped immediately and Alex accepted her silent apology with a barely there nod.

Lena was right. Her body was producing the kryptonite, not just fighting it off. They couldn’t target the symptoms to get rid of it like an infection. Lena described it as a cancer and cancers had to be attacked at the source. But wouldn’t a Kryptonian cancer require a Kryptonian cure?

A sudden thought struck Kara. A very, very risky idea came to mind, one that Kara wasn’t sure would work but if it did...it had to be worth a try, at least.

“If the problem is in your bone marrow,” Kara said, breaking up the argument that Alex and Lena had gotten into. Both women turned to look at her. “Then maybe my bone marrow is the solution.”

“Kara, what are you talking about?” Alex asked. Kara stared at Lena and could almost see the moment that Kara’s idea struck Lena’s brain.

“A bone marrow transplant.” Lena said. “My human blood, if there’s any of it left, can’t fight off the kryptonite because I can’t process the solar energy to expel it from my body. But if I had Kryptonian blood…”

“Would that work?” Kara directed the question to Alex, as the only medical doctor in the room.

“I don’t know,” Alex answered. “We’d need to test it before we did any kind of transplant, pull samples from you both and see how they interact and even if it does work, it’ll be painful.” Alex knew that Lena already understood how painful kryptonite poisoning was to Kara, so she didn’t bother to elaborate on that.

“I’m already in pain,” Lena said, resigned. “I can handle it.”

“But there could be side effects to a transplant like this,” Alex said warningly. “Human and alien blood generally don’t mix well, not to mention trying to type match the two of you.” Alex bit her lip.

“I can have Hope run a simulation on possible side effects after we have samples,” Lena said. Her gaze was focused on Kara, her eyes filled with so much longing that it took everything in Kara to keep her from fighting her way out of her little bubble. “It’s worth looking into, at least.”

“If we go to the Red Lab, I should be able to get the samples from both of you without putting myself or Kara at risk.” Alex said to Lena, waiting until she nodded.

“Hope, activate mobile protection.”

“Yes Miss Luthor.” The same robotic voice that Kara had heard earlier but not really paid attention too spoke again. The bubble around Kara wavered for a moment and then repositioned around Kara so she was standing in the direct center of it.

“The dome will move with you now,” Lena said to the Danvers sisters. “Follow me.”

The Red Lab turned out to be a room with lighting fixtures that all simulated red sunlight. It didn’t seem to have much of an effect on Lena, but Kara was completely powerless for the first time in a long while. She had blown out her powers in an effort to vent her frustration right after Lena was taken but had been careful not to do so again since. A part of her would always be ready to fly to Lena’s aide, even when Kara didn’t think Lena would be calling for her.

Alex collected the bone marrow sample from Kara first before donning the protective suit that Lena insisted she wear to collect the sample from Lena. Lena had opted to take something that would knock her out for the collection process while Kara had simply switched to yellow sun lamps to recover after Alex had withdrawn the needle. Collecting the sample hurt like hell but Kara wasn’t willing to let Lena out of her sight for even a moment.

“She’s strong Kara,” Alex said as she began analyzing the samples she had taken from both women. “She’ll make it through this.”

“She’s been through so much, Alex. If I hadn’t left her alone that day, she would never have to go through this.”

“You don’t know that.” Alex turned from the samples to look at her sister, who was lying on a medical bed and staring across the space that separated her and Lena as if it were a great chasm that even Supergirl didn’t dare attempt to cross. “Lex would have found some other way to get to her. He is the one that did this to her, he deserves the blame.”

Kara didn’t respond. Alex knew that her sister didn’t believe her but she let the matter drop for now. They could all play the blame game when Lena wasn’t in danger of dying and Kara finally worked up the courage to tell her how she felt.

Alex had always known that there was something different about Kara’s friendship with Lena. Different in a good way, Alex knew that even before she fully trusted Lena. Lena had breathed a new life into Kara. Lena with Kara was warmth and light and such a strong sense of rightness that Alex wouldn’t have been able to disapprove even if she wanted to. She and Maggie had once made a bet that Kara and Lena would get together eventually. Before they lost Lena, Maggie had said that she would be surprised if Kara and Lena weren’t already together and were just keeping it a secret for the time being. Alex had laughed at the time but after Lena disappeared she had started to wonder about that.

She wondered what Maggie would say if she were there with them. Last Alex had heard, Maggie was working as a detective in Gotham, on the fast track for lieutenant. Alex was proud of her and it didn’t hurt to think about her so much anymore.

Alex had plenty of time to observe her sister over the last three years that Lena had been away. She saw that light in Kara growing dimmer each day as another search for Lena led to nothing but empty estates. She watched Kara become a shell of herself. Sister nights happened less frequently. Game nights were basically a thing of the past these days. Kara worked at CatCo but some of her drive was gone. She saved the day as Supergirl but the city had noticed that their shining beacon of hope had lost some of her rigor. It was easy to see the signs once Alex had started to look for them and so she was unsurprised when Kara broke down in her arms on the one year anniversary of Lena’s kidnapping.

Kara had such a capacity for love and she had met her equal in that endeavor in Lena. Alex would make sure that both of them got the chance to share their love with one another. Even if she had to resurrect Lex Luthor to do it, she would find a cure for Lena.

As Alex set about working on the solution and instructed Hope to begin running her simulation, Lena’s pain medication began to wear off and she opened her eyes to find Kara looking directly at her from across the room.

Truthfully, when Lena had managed to break through the protective dome Lex had created over her, she wasn’t expecting such a quick response. She wasn’t expecting any response really, the message that she had intended to send to the DEO remained unsent. The dome had closed before Lena could manage a direct pathway to the three people that she wanted to receive the message. She had no idea that the DEO had satellites that constantly scanned the globe for kryptonite until Alex showed up at the front door of the Mansion.

She should have known that it would only be a matter of time before Kara showed up as well. Where one Danvers sister went, the other inevitably followed.

Lena had been thinking about the day she would see Kara again for so long that it had seemed an impossibility. Lena rarely got what she wished for and she wanted to see Kara again more than anything. Kara had been a constant, grounding present in Lena’s life three years ago even with the secret of Kara’s alter-ego hanging between them. Whenever Lena needed an escape from the pressure of being Lena Luthor, CEO of L-Corp, the Good Luthor, the Bad Luthor, or any other moniker that people bestowed on her, she knew she could find a safe haven with Kara.

With Kara, Lena didn’t have to fit herself into any specific mold. There were no expectations with Kara. Lena could just be. Lena had realized how much she had come to rely on such a reprieve until it was ripped from her. This past year had been especially bad, knowing that she was only a half hour away from the person she wanted to see most but also knowing that she couldn’t go to Kara even if the protective dome wasn’t in place. She wouldn’t subject Kara to that kind of pain if she could avoid it and she hated that their first interaction in three years was marred with the pain of kryptonite poisoning inflicted on Kara by Lena’s mere presence in the room.

Lena met Kara’s eyes across the gap that separated them and if she wasn’t lying down, the force of Kara’s emotions would likely have brought Lena to her knees. Kara’s eyes had always been so expressive, the one thing that Kara couldn’t school into a certain look even when she approached Lena as Supergirl. Kara’s eyes gave her away every time which is why Lena hadn’t been surprised when Lex revealed Kara’s secret. She had known for a long time and was simply waiting for Kara to trust her enough to reveal it herself. Kara’s eyes had not lost their intensity in the past three years. If anything, all the emotions that Lena used to tell herself were just wishful thinking on her part where there in spades.

Before, Lena could only see the barest hints of the feelings she had for Kara being returned. Just a moment where it looked like Kara wanted to kiss Lena just as much as Lena wanted to kiss Kara. Then the moment would pass and Lena was positive that she had imagined that the moment was ever there in the first place. Now, Lena could see everything in Kara’s eyes.

The blue of Kara’s iris was clouded in pain and guilt, so much of it that Lena was certain that there would always be a part of Kara who would never forgive herself for not protecting Lena. Lena would have to work on that with her, she needed Kara to understand that Lena didn’t blame her in the slightest, nor does she hate Kara for not finding her before. She’ll tell Kara everything, will be relentless in her love until Kara accepts that she hasn’t lost Lena. Because behind the pain and guilt, Lena can see the longing that Kara holds within. There’s so much in Kara’s eyes but the most powerful of all is the love there and that’s the part that gives Lena the strength to make it through the next part of all of this. She needs to get better, she needs to be able to touch Kara again. She needs to show Kara how she feels. Words won’t be enough, but they’re all she has at the moment.

“Kara,” Lena says in a whisper. It’s almost too low, she thinks, for Kara to hear without her powers, but Kara seems to come alive at the sound of her name coming from Lena. “Kara…”

“I know,” Kara replies just as soft. Lena wonders what Kara can see in her own eyes. Lena knows that she’s not holding anything back, the effort of doing so would take too much out of her and she doesn’t want to sleep through this. Not if there’s a chance that this is the last time she’ll see Kara. “I know, Lena. Me too.”

It’s not enough to encompass the strength of Lena’s emotions, but she feels the relief wash over her anyhow. Kara knows, she sees in Lena all the things that Lena sees in Kara and if Lena doesn’t make it through her treatment, that would be enough to send her to the next life with a smile on her face.

“Tell me something,” Lena requests a moment later. She and Kara are still gazing at each other, both refusing to look away.

“What do you want to hear about?”

“Everything,” Lena says. “I’ve missed so much. I want to hear it all.”

Kara starts talking then, telling Lena all about what she had missed in the last three years. Kara’s stories are varied and not always connected to one another but Lena hangs on to every word. She smiles when Kara speaks with pride in her voice about the articles that she had written, about her continued fight for alien amnesty. She glares when Kara mentions Mon-El and then finds herself smiling at Kara’s obvious annoyance with the man and resolves that if she ever sees Mon-El again, she’ll let him know exactly where he can shove his unwanted affections. She laughs when Kara talks about some of the more ridiculous saves she had made as Supergirl and feels her heart clench painfully when Kara glosses over the encounters that were actually a threat to her life. Kara talks about songs that have come out and shows that she thinks Lena would like and every part of Lena aches to hold this amazing woman close to her and breath her in.

Alex and Hope are still running tests by the time Kara finishes her stories of the last three years, so Kara switches tracks to talking about all the things they could do in the next three years.

It seemed that Kara had accumulated quite the bucket list in the time that Lena had been gone. They were going to travel the world together, Kara decided, first this world and then they’d hop on over to Earth-1 and do it all over again. Kara would take a sabbatical from both CatCo and Supergirl so she could just be with Lena. Then after their travels, they’d come back to National City and Kara would pick back up as a reporter but maybe not for CatCo anymore. Maybe she’d want to branch out by then. It wouldn’t matter so much because she’d be well on her way to winning a Pulitzer so she could get a job anywhere. And Lena, she could go back to the labs again. L-Corp was barely a shadow of its former glory but Lena could restore it and make it even better than before. Then she’d win a Nobel Prize.

Then, once Kara and Lena’s careers were both where they wanted it to be, they’d get married and settle down in a house outside the city. One with huge windows and lots of space for family and friends to be there. It would have to be well protected because Kara didn’t think she could simply walk away from being Supergirl, but it would be theirs. Somewhere they could raise a family if they wanted too, or somewhere they could simply be together.

“I think we should at least go on a date before we start talking about marriage,” Lena said with a watery chuckle. Her body was exhausted, as it normally was after a year of having kryptonite for blood, but she forced herself to stay awake. “No need for such a rush.”

“We’ve wasted enough time already,” Kara disagreed but she was smiling warmly. Lena felt the ever present desire to reach for Kara tug painfully at her heart. “But you’re right. We could get married tomorrow or ten years from now. I’d be happy either way as long as I get to be with you.”

“Me too,” Lena felt her eyes begin to close and forced them back open.

“It’s okay, honey,” Kara told her and Lena practically melted at the pet name that rolled off Kara’s tongue. “Rest, we’ll talk more later.”

“Promise?” Lena didn’t need to open her eyes to know that Kara was wearing that soft smile that Lena had only ever seen directed at her.

“I promise.”

Eased by the knowledge that Kara was only a few feet away, Lena fell into her first easy sleep in three years.

Lena awoke sometime later when Hope’s electronic voice filled the Red Lab.

“Simulation successful. Ratio for Kryptonian to Human bone marrow donation found. Side effects: temporary Kryptonian blood cells will result in temporary Kryptonian abilities. Including sensitivity to kryptonite.”

“Will we be able to flush the kryptonite from Lena’s blood stream without harming her?” Alex asked the artificial intelligence as she looked at the simulation results that Hope had brought up on the monitor before her.

“Affirmative,” Hope answered. “Exposure to yellow solar radiation will extrapolate the kryptonite from Miss Luthor just as it would for any natural born Kryptonian. Warning: this process is likely to be extremely painful due to the amount of kryptonite currently within Miss Luthor’s bloodstream.”

“How long would it take?” Kara asked. Lena searched for Kara around the room and found that the other woman was standing close to her sister. They must have merged their bubbles together. The thought nearly made Lena giggle in her exhaustion.

“Full decontamination will take approximately 48 hours under a constant yellow sun.”

“We’ll be able to do that here?”

“Yes,” Lena spoke up, alerting both Davers sisters to her waking. They both turned to her, Kara taking an instinctive step forward until she remembered that she wouldn’t be able to reach Lena and she halted her motions. “The lights around the whole room can switch from red to yellow with a command.”

“Lena,” Kara said softly. Their eyes met and Lena was hit with the sudden realization that she was seeing all of Kara in that moment. Kara was wearing her day clothes but her hair was down and she didn’t have her glasses on. Even the silver ring that she always wore was gone. This wasn’t Kara Danvers or Supergirl but the woman who inhabited them both. Kara Zor-El.

“I’m okay,” Lena replied. “Better than okay, if this works.”

“It will,” Alex and Kara said at the same time, both of their voices ringing with confidence. Lena smiled at the unfailing faith of the Danvers and wondered what she did to deserve such heroes coming to her rescue. She wouldn’t dwell on it though, she would just be happy that they were here and that they had found a way to save her.

“Okay,” Lena smiled. “Then let’s do it.”

“Lena, are you sure?” Kara asked, her concern written plainly across the delicate features of her face. “This isn’t going to be an easy process. It’s going to hurt.”

“It’s worth it,” Lena said surely.

“It’s dangerous.”

“I’m already dying, darling,” Lena said. She almost wanted to take it back when she saw Kara flinch at the word but she pressed on. “If this is my only chance to get to...to live again, I’m going to take it.” Even if the kryptonite wasn’t slowly killing her, Lena wouldn’t have really been alive. Not without Kara, who made her feel like life was worth living, who made her feel like love was worth it. Without Kara, Lena was simply surviving.

“Okay,” Kara agreed after a moment of staring into Lena’s eyes. “Alex, what do you need to do this?”

“Another bone marrow sample from you Kara,” Alex said. “I have enough of Lena’s left to get the ratio right, but I’ll need more of yours. The ratio isn’t quite even but since Lena’s human, after the kryptonite is gone her blood should return to normal on it’s own.”

“Okay, let’s do it.” Kara moved back over to the bed that she had used before and removed her top before settling on her side again, facing Lena’s bed. Despite the skin on display, Kara’s modesty only protected by the bra covering her chest, Lena kept her gaze focused on Kara’s face as Alex extracted another sample of bone marrow from the base of her spine.

The extraction process took longer the second time around because Alex needed a larger sample than she had before, but Kara hardly flinched from the pain. It made Lena wonder just how Kara’s pain tolerance truly was. There was no denying that Kara was physically strong but Lena wasn’t sure how that translated to the pain she endured. She’d seen Supergirl stumble back from a blow before and grit her teeth as she called upon her strength, but she can’t remember ever seeing any outward evidence to suggest that Kara was in pain unless there was kryptonite involved.

“Okay,” Alex said minutes later, after Kara’s sample had been added to the bone marrow that would be injected back into Lena. Kara had pulled her top back on and was sitting up on her bed now with her gaze still fixed surely on Lena. “We’ll need to give you about an hour to generate enough Kryptonian blood cells to start the process and then we’ll switch the lights to yellow to start the decontamination.”

Lena nodded her understanding of the procedure and held still while Alex donned the protective suit and left her bubble of protection to approach Lena. The miracle cure administered, the only thing the three women could do was wait.

They didn’t speak during the first hour while they waited for Lena to be able to flush the poison from her system. Kara had many things that she wanted to say, but they were things meant for only Lena to hear. Apologies and declarations and promises that Kara would do anything in her power to keep. Alex simply kept quiet while she monitored Lena’s vitals while occasionally checking on her sister. Lena didn’t speak because everything she thought about saying sounded like a goodbye and she knew that Kara would refuse to listen to anything that resembled Lena giving up.

There was no sound in the room that wasn’t mechanical in nature until Lena let out a pained groan. It was just past the hour mark and the kryptonite in her system was finally reacting to the new blood cells she was generating. Her green veins were glowing stronger now and Lena curled in on herself.

“Hope, activate the yellow lights.” Kara’s order was followed in an instant and the room was bathed in yellow light. Lena continued to write in pain on her bed and Kara placed her hands on the dome that held her in place. “Hope, let me out.”

“Negative. Kryptonite levels around Miss Luthor -”

“I don’t care, let me out.” Kara repeated the order, pushing harder against the force field that kept her from getting to Lena.

“Kara-” the name escaped Lena in a sharp gasp of pain. “Kara it hurts.”

“I know, honey, I know,” Kara said soothingly. “I’m right here, Lena. You’ll be okay.”

Kara was on her feet then, standing with her hands pressed against the inner wall of the boundary that kept her from Lena. She clenched her fists and beat them against the unforgiving surface, helpless to the tears that fell from her eyes. She knew it would be agony for Lena to go through this process but she hadn’t accounted for the torture it would be to watch Lena suffer and be unable to comfort her. Kara beat against the wall again and then abruptly, the wall was gone.

Kara stumbled forward and caught herself on the edge of Lena’s bed. There was still ambient kryptonite around Lena, but it was nothing that Kara couldn’t withstand since the yellow sun lamps were on.

“I’m here, Lena. I’m right here,” Kara lifted Lena’s body from the bed and moved her over just enough that Kara could lay beside her. Her own pain from the kryptonite coursing through Lena’s body increased but Kara pushed it away and drew Lena close against her chest. “I’ve got you, honey.”

“Kara, you can’t be here,” Lena protested with a feeble attempt to pull away.

“Shush, I’m not going anywhere. Just let me hold you, Lena. Please.”

Lena wanted to protest but it felt so good to be in Kara’s arms again. Kara still smelled like sunshine and vanilla and Lena wanted to drown in her. Kara’s arms were firm around her and she spoke with her lips pressed against Lena’s forehead as she begged Lena to let her stay and Lena realized that Kara needed this just as much as Lena did. She wouldn’t let Lena suffer through this alone, not if there was something she could do to help her, even if it was just to hold Lena’s trembling body in her arms until the pain was gone.

Lena relented with a nod and settled into Kara’s embrace, hiding her face in the crook of Kara’s neck in an attempt to muffle her cries as her body finally began to fight back against the poison within her bones.

The next 48 hours were the longest of Kara’s life. Lena had succumbed to the pain in her body two hours after they switched to the yellow sun lamps and had been limp in Kara’s arms ever since. She would shift occasionally as the aches and pains in her body shifted, always pressing closer to Kara like she thought that if she could get close enough, all her pain would go away. Kara held Lena close through all of it, alternating between rubbing soothing circles on Lena’s back and carding her fingers through Lena’s hair. Sometimes when Lena shifted against, Kara would whisper soothing words into her hair or press kisses to her hairline until Lena settled again. Most of the time, Kara held Lena silence and prayed to Rao, begging him to end Lena’s pain as soon as possible.

She was dimly aware of Alex setting up some sort of alert system and then leaving the lab for several hours, but Kara was too focused on Lena to really care about anything else going on. The green was fading from Lena’s skin at an excruciatingly slow pace, but fading nonetheless. After six hours, the ambient kryptonite around Lena had decreased enough that Kara couldn’t feel it affecting her anymore, which she took as a good sign. Kara considered getting out of the bed at that point so that Lena could be better exposed to the yellow sun lamps, but whenever Kara tried to move out of their embrace Lena would stir and pull her closer. Kara stayed awake for the first 24 hours, not letting herself go to sleep until Alex was back in the lab so that she could be sure there was someone there, just in case.

“Winn and J’onn are working on bringing down the dome from the outside,” Alex said once she had returned from the lab. “I’ve got Hope helping them where she can but I think the dome was meant to keep the kryptonite from being discovered, not Lena. She should be able to walk out of here once all the kryptonite is gone.”

“Thanks, Alex,” Kara said to her sister.

“You love her,” Alex said in response, moving closer to the bed that currently held Kara and the still unconscious Lena. “I saw how much losing her the first time destroyed you. I wasn’t about to let that happen again.”

“I’m sorry I’ve kinda disappeared on you for the past few years,” Kara apologized. Sure, Kara had been around, but she and Alex were both aware that just because Kara was physically with her sister didn’t mean she was mentally there as well.

“You were grieving, I understood, and you were still there when I needed you,” Alex swallowed against the emotion in her throat. “She’s got a long way to go Kara, and she’s going to need you every step of the way.”

“I’ll be here, even when she tried to push me away.”

“But will you let her be there for you?”

“What?” Kara’s brow furrowed in the familiar crinkle. Alex rolled her eyes and nudged her sister’s shoulder gently, the one that Lena wasn’t using as a pillow.

“Don’t give me that, Kara. You’ve blamed yourself for her disappearance from the beginning and I know you’ve been thinking about all the pain she could have avoided if you’d just kept looking.” Kara looked away, unable to meet her sisters’ eyes. “But we both know that none of this is your fault. You won’t be able to help Lena until you accept that she doesn’t blame you.”

“How do you know she doesn’t?”

“We talked about it,” Alex shrugged. “I was here for like six hours before I even realized that I had missed a check in. Lena knew she was dying and all she wanted to do was make sure that you wouldn’t blame yourself for it. That woman would give you the moon if you asked for it.”

“I just want her,” Kara admitted softly. “I always have, but I was too scared to admit it before.”

“Given what the two of you were talking about earlier, I’m certain she wants you too,” Alex smirked as her sister blushed. “I was literally two feet away for that entire conversation, of course I heard.”

“You don’t, y’know, disapprove?” Kara asked nervously.

“Lena is so much more than her family name, I couldn’t see that in the beginning but I do now. And even if I did still have a problem, I’d get over it. You love her and I trust your judgement.”

“You’re the best sister ever,” Kara said seriously. Alex smiled and smoothed Kara’s hair with her hand.

“I know,” Kara chuckled. “Now get some sleep. It’s been three years since you got a decent night of sleep.”

Kara nodded and shifted slightly so she could tuck her nose against Lena’s hair, filling her senses with everything Lena before she let her eyes drift closed safe in the knowledge that Alex wouldn’t let anything happen to them.

When Kara awoke sometime later, it was to the sound of quiet chatter around her and the smell of pizza wafting through the lab.

“Hey, Kara,” Winn smiled at her from where he and Alex had been looking at something on the monitor when he noticed that she was awake. “We were able to bring down the dome from the outside. Lena left a backdoor that we could use when she first hacked it.”

“Good,” Kara smiled back and then turned her gaze to where Lena was still resting against her side. “How long was I asleep?”

“About 8 hours, Lena’s got another 16 to go before she’ll wake up, we think.” Alex gestured to the monitor that she and Winn were looking at. Kara squinted slightly to use her enhanced vision to read the monitor without getting out of the bed. She breathed a sigh of relief when she noticed that Lena’s vitals had improved greatly and the projected decontamination percentage was hovering around 60. “Most of the kryptonite has been replaced with regular Kryptonian blood which should hopefully repair any internal damage that she sustained over the past year.”

“How long will she have the Kryptonian blood in her system?”

“We estimate about three days past the decontamination is when her blood will start to go back to normal. Her body is only producing the Kryptonian blood cells because it’s being forced to thanks to an isotope that Lena invented while attempting to cure herself.”

“So, roughly five days and her body will be back to normal?” Kara looked back down at Lena, taking in the movement of her chest with every breath and listening to the way their hearts almost beat in tandem.

“I don’t think she should move before then, just in case, but yes.” Alex smiled as Winn moved over to grab a paper plate loaded with pizza and presented it to Kara like one might hand over an Olympic medal.

“Five days, and then I can take her home.” Kara spoke softly, mostly to herself and Lena alone. She ducked her head down low to press a kiss against Lena’s forehead. Lena shifted slightly at the contact, nuzzling closer to Kara.

Winn, recognizing that Kara wouldn’t be moving from the bed anytime soon, rolled a convenient tray nearby over to the bed and arranged it so that Kara would be able to eat her pizza without letting go of Lena.

“I can’t wait until she wakes up,” Winn said softly, excitement burning in his eyes. Kara had almost forgotten that Lena and Winn had been well on their way to being good friends without Kara in the middle when Lena had been taken. “I’ve missed her.”

“Me, too.” Kara offered her friend a warm smile as he squeezed her shoulder and then backed away.

Kara ate her pizza slowly and then returned to studying Lena in the quiet of the lab. Alex and Winn both retreated to nearby rooms to get some sleep, with instructions given to Hope to alert them if anything changed in the lab. Kara remained in the bed with Lena, softly stroking over her hair and back in random patterns until sleep eventually claimed her again as well.

When Kara next awoke, it was to the feeling of soft fingertips brushing across the features of her face. Kara’s eyes opened and she was met with what was possibly the most beautiful sight in any universe, Lena awake and sitting up enough to lean over Kara slightly, her eyes naturally bright and her lips pulled into a soft smile.

“Lena,” Kara said the name on an exhale, one hand finding Lena’s waist and the other reaching to cup her face. Lena’s smile brightened.

“Hello, darling,” Lena returned. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” Kara felt the tears forming in her eyes and was once again helpless against them. She swore that she hadn’t cried this many times in the span of three days since she first arrived on Earth, but she just couldn’t help it. Lena was here, alive, in her arms and looking at Kara like she was the most precious object Lena had ever seen and Kara’s entire being sobbed with relief. “You’re really here?”

“I am,” Lena promised. “I’m so sorry I left you, Kara. I never wanted to.”

“It’s not your fault,” Kara said vehemently. “I shouldn’t have left you alone.” Lena frowned and brought their foreheads to rest together, stroking Kara’s cheek with her thumb and catching the stray tears that fell.

“If I don’t get to blame myself, neither do you,” Lena said with quiet determination. “I don’t blame you for any of this. It was my mother and Lex who did this to me, to us.”

“I promised that I would always protect you,” Kara said desperately.

“You did, you’re the reason they didn’t kill me outright. Lex knew how I felt about you and he was more than willing to use it against me.” Lena continued softly stroking Kara’s cheek as she lifted her head and kissed Kara’s forehead. “Don’t you dare think about pulling away from me now, Kara Zor-El.”

“I should have told you about that, too,” Kara admitted softly. “You deserved to hear it from me.”

“If it makes you feel better, Lex didn’t tell me that. I already knew.” Lena chuckled softly as Kara pulled away slightly and looked at Lena in surprise. “Darling, you told me that you flew to my office on a bus.”

“That...wasn’t my best moment.”

“No kidding,” Lena had the very strong urge to connect their lips but she stomped it down. There would be time for that later and she didn’t want their first kiss to be tainted by the memory of Lena’s time away. “But that wasn’t really what gave it away.”

“What did then?” Kara asked curiously. She was moving her thumb in a circle against Lena’s hip in a motion that was absent minded but one that Lena was acutely aware of.

“There were a lot of little things that had me wondering, but I knew for sure when you rescued me from Lillian and Cyborg Superman.” Lena offered Kara a warm smile. “You were the only one who believed in me no matter what, and when you showed up as Supergirl with that same certainty, I just knew.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Kara asked, her tone curious and absent any hint of accusation.

“I wanted you to trust me enough to tell me yourself.” Lena looked away, suddenly shy. “I was hoping that when you did finally come clean, we would talk about us.”

“We would have,” Kara said surely. “I think that’s part of why I was still waiting. I already felt so strongly about you but I was scared that you wouldn’t feel the same way. I used my secret identity as a way of avoiding us being anything more than friends.”

“I would say it was effective, but I think we’ve always been more than friends.” Lena said with a soft smile. Kara chuckled and nodded in agreement. There had always been a sense of something more between them, even if they’d never acknowledge it before.

“I was going to tell you, after the invasion force was gone. I went to your office right after it was over, but you were already gone.” Kara leaned into the touch when Lena shifted her grip slightly to cup Kara’s cheek. “I’m glad that you know. I don’t want to have any secrets from you.”

“I feel the same,” Lena blinked sleepily at Kara for a moment. “I don’t want to go back to sleep.”

“But you need to,” Kara guided Lena back into her arms, positioning them so that they lay side by side, facing one another. Kara rested one arm across Lena’s hip and wound the other one beneath the pillow. Lena shuffled closer and tucked her nose into the crook of Kara’s neck, returning Kara’s embrace. “So sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Promise?” Lena smiled against Kara’s neck when she felt the lips pressed against her forehead slip into a soft smile.

“Promise.”

Just as Alex predicted, it was another five days before Lena was strong enough to leave the mansion. She still felt fairly weak now that both the kryptonite and Kryptonian blood had left her system so she had leaned heavily on Kara as they made their way out of the mansion. Lena wanted to walk out of the mansion on her own and then get to the boundary that Lex had set before she let Kara fly them back into the city. Whether it was a matter of pride or of Lena showing herself that she was stronger than whatever Lex had done to her, Kara didn’t know, but she supported Lena the whole way. Once they reached the boundary, Lena all but collapsed into Kara’s arms. Kara picked up Lena and cradled her to her chest to fly them back to Kara’s loft without bothering to change into her Supergirl seat. It was the middle of the night, she probably wouldn’t be seen and even if she was, Kara didn’t care. All she cared about was getting Lena home.

Kara placed Lena back on her feet after they landed in Kara’s living room and stood quietly as Lena observed her home. She knew that Lena was looking for anything that was different from the last time she had been there and wondered what she saw. Kara stayed silent when Lena carefully moved away from her and ran her hand along the soft blanket that rested across the back of Kara’s couch. Kara smiled at the action. The blanket was one that Lena had gotten as a bit of a joke, claiming that Kara didn’t have a soft enough blanket for her delicate sensibilities. Lena had taken to snuggling in that blanket with Kara when they’d had movie nights together, the soft material covering both of their laps as they sat closer together than friends strictly should.

“You kept it,” Lena said softly.

“Of course,” Kara stepped up behind Lena and wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist from behind. Her smile turned soft when Lena leaned back into the embrace and covered Kara’s hand on her stomach with one of her own. “I was hoping we’d get to have another movie night.”

“We will,” Lena promised. Kara kissed her forehead. “Kara?”

“Hmm?”

“I need a shower.”

“Okay,” Kara agreed easily, pressing another kiss to Lena’s forehead.

“I…” Lena hesitated for a moment. The truth was that she could probably manage a shower on her own but she wasn’t ready to be away from Kara for that long. The longer she was around Kara, the more scared Lena became that she hadn’t been rescued at all. “Can you help me?”

“Of course,” Kara agreed immediately. “Whatever you need Lena, I’m here for you.”

Lena nodded and stretched up to kiss Kara’s cheek rather than voice her thanks. Kara understood anyway and offered Lena a smile as she took her hand and led her towards the bathroom. They paused in the bedroom long enough for Kara to grab both of them clean clothes to sleep in and then they were in Kara’s small bathroom with the door closed.

Kara reached to turn on the shower and had Lena test the temperature before helping Lena undress. Her hands were soft and sure as they moved across Lena’s body, her eyes never lingering for long enough to make Lena uncomfortable even Lena was unable to offer the same courtesy to Kara. Kara undressed herself quickly and Lena drank in the sight of every inch. Her eyes roamed over Kara’s form unabashedly and she saw the flush rise along Kara’s chest as she noticed.

“Come here, baby,” Kara requested softly, holding her hand out to Lena. Lena placed her hand in Kara’s and let herself be pulled closer until their bare bodies were pressed together. “You can touch me, Lena,” Kara whispered in her ear. “I won’t disappear.”

“What if none of this is real?” Lena asked in a voice softer than a whisper. “It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve dreamed of seeing you like this.”

“It is real, Lena. I’m here and I’m as real as you are.” Kara promised. “Listen to my heart beat, feel the warmth of my body.”

Lena placed her ear against Kara’s chest and closed her eyes, soaking in all that Kara had to offer, from the sound of the heart beat in her ear to the softness of Kara’s skin against hers to the warmth that filled her being. This had to be real. It had never felt like this in a dream before.

“You’re real?”

“I’m real,” Kara said. “I’m real and I’m yours.”

“I love you, Kara.” Lena said, pulling away so she could look Kara in the eyes as she spoke the words that had been threatening to burst from her chest since she first saw Kara again at the mansion.

“I love you, too, Lena.” Kara returned the words with a smile. “I will always be madly in love with you.”

Lena leaned up, closing the miniscule distance between them. Her words danced across Kara’s lips when she spoke again.

“Show me.”

Kara did.

She pressed their lips together reverently, pulling Lena closer until they were one and the same. Her hands traced gentle paths against Lena’s skin, pressing her love deep until Lena was sure that she could feel it in her bones. Their lips moved together in a dance that seemed to be second nature, as if it was something that they were always meant to share with one another. Lena whimpered against Kara’s mouth, overwhelmed by the promises Kara whispered into her skin. She wasn’t aware that she was crying until Kara was pulling away to wipe her tears from her cheeks.

“I’ve got you, Lena. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Lena nodded mutely and let Kara pull her into the shower. The hot beat against Lena’s skin soothingly, no match for the heat that left trails of fire and goosebumps across the surface as Kara gently washed Lena’s body. Kara’s hands massaged the soap into Lena’s skin, massaging her tired muscles at the same time. Lena had to brace a hand against the wall to keep her knees from buckling under the weight of Kara’s devotion.

Kara showed the same love and care as she washed Lena’s hair. Lena then leaned against the shower wall as Kara quickly washed her own hair and body and then stepped into Kara’s space before Kara could reach to turn off the water. She didn’t say anything as she wrapped her arms around Kara and pressed close, shivering as their bodies slid together under the water. Kara returned the embrace without a moment of hesitation, pressing soothing kisses into Lena’s hair and whispering assurances in her ear as Lena silently cried against her shoulder.

They stayed like that until the water ran cold and Lena was shivering in Kara’s arms, both from the temperature and from her building desire to return the gentle affections Kara bestowed on her. Kara led them from the shower and tried Lena’s body with a towel before wrapping her up. Before Kara could reach for the clothes to help Lena get dressed.

“Don’t please,” Lena requested, hating the way her voice trembled. “I need to feel you.”

“Okay,” Kara set the clothes back down and finished drying herself and Lena off before leading them into the bedroom.

Lena dropped her towel and settled into Kara’s bed, taking comfort knowing that she was surrounded by Kara's scent as the woman herself went around the apartment to turn off lights, close the windows, and make sure the door was locked. Lena had no idea how late it was but she didn’t care much. She’d been in a near constant state of exhaustion since she’d been rid of the kryptonite in her body.

Kara climbed into bed after what seemed like hours to Lena but had probably been only a matter of seconds. She pulled Lena into her arms and kissed her softly, moving their lips languidly together. Lena revelled in the pressure of their bodies pressed together. Being like this with Kara felt more like home than anything else ever had.

Kara doesn’t protest when Lena angles her head to deep their kiss or when Lena sits up and shifts to straddle Kara’s waist. She simply holds Lena’s hips and kisses back until Lena pulls away, breathless, with desire pooling low in her belly.

“Are you sure?” Kara asks, chest heaving. Lena doesn’t even think about saying no. She’s wanted this, wanted Kara for so long that even though she’s certain that she’s not dreaming anymore, it still feels like a dream come true.

“I’m sure,” Lena responds. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

Kara’s bright smile is pressed against Lena’s lips and they lose themselves to each other. Lena runs her hands along Kara’s body, learning the places that make Kara sigh when she runs her fingers over them and the ones that make her gasp when her lips and teeth follow the same paths. She listens to her own name falling from Kara’s lips like a prayer and is helpless to the way her body trembles when Kara worships her in kind.

They move together through the night, learning all the things about each other that they should have learned three years ago. Lena climbs higher and higher under Kara’s ministrations, her only thought dedicated to making sure Kara feels the same euphoria until they both collapse into each other’s embrace just as the sun rises.

“I wouldn’t have waited so long if I’d known it would be that good,” Kara jokes softly, her head pressed against Lena’s neck. Lena chuckles and presses her fingers into Kara’s hair, scratching lightly at her scalp.

“We have plenty of time now, don’t we?”

Kara’s smile is pressed into the soft skin above Lena’s pulse point as she answers.

“We do. We have forever.”

“Forever,” Lena hummed softly, running her free hand across Kara’s arm. She liked the sound of that, Lena thought, as she watched the sky outside the window fade from pink to blue.

Forever in the arms of the woman she loved most. That was better than anything Lena could have ever dreamed up on her own.

#supercorp #supercorp fanfic #ambs writes #my fics #this started as a beauty and the beast au #and then morphed into this #i'll post it on ao3 as soon as i come up with a title #also might have another one or two parts to this series #i've got ideas

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