l3cky13

[l3cky13]

My oldest two only gave me one and a half pages each, shockingly. A whole load of electronics on there, though. My youngest has given me a five page, itemized list. She’s even specified what color she wants certain items in. For example, her iPhone 15 has to be the pink one, she won’t accept any other color. You’ll have to forgive me for thinking I was a human being, and not my kids’ walking cash machine, it’s easy to forget sometimes 😂

Why are my kids already sending me ideas for their Christmas gifts? Can we please just get through Thanksgiving first? Also, it’s adorable that they all think I have money for three iPhone 15s. What am I, a walking ATM? I’m gonna tell them that the Bank of Dad is closed for the winter, and they can try again in March.

[l3cky13]

Honestly, I should be glad they waited until November this year. It was October last year, the little demons. Still way too early, though. I’ll accept mid-November, though I’d still prefer the beginning of December.

Why are my kids already sending me ideas for their Christmas gifts? Can we please just get through Thanksgiving first? Also, it’s adorable that they all think I have money for three iPhone 15s. What am I, a walking ATM? I’m gonna tell them that the Bank of Dad is closed for the winter, and they can try again in March.

[l3cky13]

Why are my kids already sending me ideas for their Christmas gifts? Can we please just get through Thanksgiving first? Also, it’s adorable that they all think I have money for three iPhone 15s. What am I, a walking ATM? I’m gonna tell them that the Bank of Dad is closed for the winter, and they can try again in March.

[l3cky13]

My family is Russian, you think we were speaking English in my household growing up?? Josh, the only English words I knew and understood until, like, third grade were “hello”, “goodbye”, “please”, “thank you” and “my name is Matthew”. I might’ve been born in the USA, but my grandmother was a real pusher for us kids speaking Russian first, English second. Wait, so, wouldn’t that mean the sentence “no, don’t do that” actually means “do it”? What the fuck? I’m so confused. Ah, so let him know he’s welcome to stay in the house, but he’s gotta stop messing with my stuff like this, gotcha.

Why does my brain hate me? Tell me why I was watching TV, had the remote in my hand, put it down for five whole seconds and then forgot where I put it? I give up, I really do.

[l3cky13]

What the fuck is a double negative? Is this another one of those weird English language things? Because technically speaking, that’s not my first language so I have an excuse for not knowing. I mean….yeah, it does sound like a Casper situation. Do I burn the house down and set him free, or do I just leave the keys on the counter and say the house is his now?

Why does my brain hate me? Tell me why I was watching TV, had the remote in my hand, put it down for five whole seconds and then forgot where I put it? I give up, I really do.

[l3cky13]

Yep, papier-mâché bones and a defective brain, I think. I’m forgetful most of the time anyway, but it’s starting to annoy me now. In the past month, I’ve lost my phone twice, glasses at least six times, sneakers once and now the TV remote. It’s almost enough to consider it a problem. Yep, the bathroom. Don’t ask, I don’t even know anymore. You might wanna just air tag me at this point, Cath. Why am I such an idiot?

Why does my brain hate me? Tell me why I was watching TV, had the remote in my hand, put it down for five whole seconds and then forgot where I put it? I give up, I really do.

[l3cky13]

Josh, are you implying my house is haunted? Because if so, I’m selling up and getting the entire fuck out of here, Casper can have the place.

Why does my brain hate me? Tell me why I was watching TV, had the remote in my hand, put it down for five whole seconds and then forgot where I put it? I give up, I really do.

[l3cky13]

Nah, you’re ditz and I’m dumbass, it’s more fitting. Things are going…okay, for the most part. Not a fan of this “constantly losing shit” thing, but I’m still going, and the kids are doing good. That’s all I can really ask for. How’s about you, all good on your end?

Why does my brain hate me? Tell me why I was watching TV, had the remote in my hand, put it down for five whole seconds and then forgot where I put it? I give up, I really do.

[l3cky13]

I’m not even hungover, that’s the thing. It’d actually make more sense to me if I was. It’s not age or booze, I’m just a fucking idiot, that’s the problem here.

Why does my brain hate me? Tell me why I was watching TV, had the remote in my hand, put it down for five whole seconds and then forgot where I put it? I give up, I really do.

[l3cky13]

I do it with everything, it’s actually becoming a problem. I managed to find it, though. Somehow, it was in the bathroom. I’m guessing yours wound up somewhere equally as stupid as mine did?

Why does my brain hate me? Tell me why I was watching TV, had the remote in my hand, put it down for five whole seconds and then forgot where I put it? I give up, I really do.

[l3cky13]

Please do, my skull’s about as strong as a wet sheet of paper, if my concussion history is anything to go by. Y’know, 24/7 supervision might be a good idea, honestly. There’s something wrong with me lately, I’m losing everything and it’s lowkey freaking me out. I lost my sneakers the other day, took me two fucking hours to find them. Okay, so I just checked, and it’s not in the fridge. Good news, though: it wasn’t the kids. I found it. In the bathroom.

Why does my brain hate me? Tell me why I was watching TV, had the remote in my hand, put it down for five whole seconds and then forgot where I put it? I give up, I really do.

[l3cky13]

I’m just going to suggest just wrapping me in bubblewrap for the rest of time, because it’s only a matter of time before I manage to walk into a door or trip myself on the stairs. If it’s the kids, I might cry. I’ve checked everywhere, Cath. Between the cushions, under the couch, under the table, I even checked the kitchen just in case. Nowhere to be seen. It’s actually kinda starting to piss me off, I literally had it five minutes ago.

Why does my brain hate me? Tell me why I was watching TV, had the remote in my hand, put it down for five whole seconds and then forgot where I put it? I give up, I really do.

[l3cky13]

Shhh we’ve already established I’m a dumbass. If it wasn’t the remote, it would’ve been my phone or my glasses and we both know it. This is the best option here. Still haven’t found the damn thing, either.

Why does my brain hate me? Tell me why I was watching TV, had the remote in my hand, put it down for five whole seconds and then forgot where I put it? I give up, I really do.

[l3cky13]

Why does my brain hate me? Tell me why I was watching TV, had the remote in my hand, put it down for five whole seconds and then forgot where I put it? I give up, I really do.

[l3cky13]

That song drives me insane every year without fail, Toni, I will not take it back. I love Mariah, I really do, but holy fuck I am sick to death of that song. Her and Michael Bublé only come out at Christmas, I swear. AND IT’S NOT EVEN CHRISTMAS YET!

Why did I walk into a store today and hear All I Want For Christmas Is You playing? It is November. I know we all love her, she’s a national treasure and all that, but I cannot take Mariah Carey for the next two fucking months. I will literally go insane, I swear.

[l3cky13]

Hey, I never said she wasn’t! I just know I’m not mentally stable enough to tolerate those goddamn high notes for the next two months of my life!

Why did I walk into a store today and hear All I Want For Christmas Is You playing? It is November. I know we all love her, she’s a national treasure and all that, but I cannot take Mariah Carey for the next two fucking months. I will literally go insane, I swear.

[l3cky13]

Why did I walk into a store today and hear All I Want For Christmas Is You playing? It is November. I know we all love her, she’s a national treasure and all that, but I cannot take Mariah Carey for the next two fucking months. I will literally go insane, I swear.