#I’m fine I’m going to get my ct scan

[woundedheartwithin]

First time out of the house in like three weeks and it’s to go to the fuckin hospital lol

[inkykeiji]

up waaaaay too early to go get an icky needle and an even ickier dye injected into me ๐·°(৹˃̵﹏˂̵৹)°·๐

[andhumanslovedstories]

I got sent home from work early yesterday because I tripped and fell so hard they made me get a CT scan about it. I’m pleased to report my head is fine. As for the rest of my body, my housemates have almost exclusively referred to me as Baby Butthurt this evening, presumably on account of how I can’t make any sudden movements right now without going, “ahhh my butt hurts”

[barblaz-arts]

I haven’t sent any of the other messages, and this is the first time I’m even seeing your opinions on this matter as I’ve followed you for your Wenclair art.

I’m an Israeli citizen. On October 7th thousands of Hamas terrorists went into Israeli villages (on Israel’s territory) and raped, shot, beheaded, burned alive and murdered 1400 CIVILIANS. They kidnapped 230 more citizens into the Gaza Strip, including babies and the elderly (no idea if they are alive, as Hamas didn’t let the Red Cross or anyone else see them and REFUSED any deal to release them, despite all the lies they are spreading). Hamas uploaded videos of them doing these deeds, they were proud of them. We are still not done counting our dead, 3 weeks later, because of the state they were left in. We identify people by DNA pulled from pieces of skull tissue, by CT scans of burned masses of flesh showing parents hugging their children as they were burned alive.

A little bit of history. In 2005 Israel completely pulled out of Gaza, and handed it over to the Palestinians. In 2007 Hamas was elected to lead the Gaza Strip. This is an organization that in its charter says loud and clear they want to murder Jews. It’s not hidden, there is no question about it. They are proud of it. And since 2007 they have not allowed for an election in Gaza, they have stolen international aid money to build terror infrastructure and embedded themselves deep within their civilian population (just a few days ago evidence was provided that Hamas built their HQ under a hospital, specifically because they knew Israel wouldn’t bomb it).

The truth is, the pictures from Gaza are heartbreaking. The civilians are suffering and it’s making me sick. But how is Israel supposed to respond to the massacre of October 7th? Just pretend it didn’t happen? No country would. Israel isn’t targeting the civilian population though, unlike Hamas. I’m not saying innocent civilians aren’t killed, they very sadly are because war is horrible. But it’s always an accident, they are never the targets. Hamas is the target.

Israel has its part in creating Hamas just like the USA had its part in creating ISIS and Taliban. Still doesn’t excuse terrorism. Israel didn’t deserve the October 7th massacre anymore than the USA deserved 9/11. I hope that you can appreciate that.

The truth is, there are innocent civilians on both sides here that are suffering. Things aren’t black and white, and they never were with this conflict. And if you want to have a discussion I’ll happily talk to you privately, answer questions as best as I can. But only if we come from a place of mutual respect. If you want to block me, that’s fine too.

I do want to let you know while I can that your art is beautiful and made me smile on multiple occasions. I hope you continue it. And I wish you luck with everything and hope that we all have peaceful days in the future.

First of all. Gaza was not given to Palestine. Israel put them there and had Gaza serve as an open air prison.

You can't go around saying "Israel has its part in creating Hamas but it still doesn't excuse terrorism" then go around saying that this genocide is justified because "What else are we supposed to do after what happened in Oct 7?" What a double standard. You do not get to say that what happened to them makes you feel bad but say that you were left with no other choice. You dont get to say that Hamas being born from 70+ of brutality is still not an excuse to kill but also say Israel doing the same thing is justified.

Now, of course this does not mean that I side with Hamas. Never have, never will. I side with Palestinians, something so many Zionists cannot seem to comprehend, because they see killing them as one and the same.

Listing off those atrocities, though heartbreaking, as I will always mourn the innocent, still does not change my stance or how I feel. I feel like a broken recorder, constantly having to repeat that the civilians in Gaza did not do those and in turn did not deserve any of this. The hostages don't either of course, and the families of the ones still held captive are furious with their government for choosing to bomb them along with Hamas like some sort of sacrifice, like what you are implying the civilian deaths to be. Just unfortunate casualties for the greater good.

You can go ahead and say that only Hamas were meant to be targeted all you want, but they did not need to cut off their water so they're not even able to clean and defecate. They did not need to cut off power and render hospitals useless. And NO they did not need to bomb those same hospitals, even IF it were true that it was a Hamas base. And they did not need to use phosphorus bombs to do it. This has, and always will be about Israel's hatred of arabs and Muslims, as it was 70 years ago before Hamas even existed, as it still is now.

Tell me, if the past two or so weeks was really about Hamas, then why are these people mocking the civilians that are mourning their families' death as they starve?

None of this should have happened. Hell, you shouldn't even be living where you are in the first place. No one has any right to colonize. Whatever white supremacists or religious reason anyone says.

Of course this does not mean that I believe all jews or Israeli are as evil as the pieces of shit in that tiktok compilation or the powerful pile of dung that rule your country. There are Isreali and Jews protesting for Palestine as well, and I deeply admire them for their bravery and to feel compassion for the other side and act on it.

It's baffling how you're aware that Israel is responsible for Hamas creation but still, maybe not want it, but think all you can do is reluctantly accept the unavoidable. Because this was definitely avoidable. But your government actively wants this, and frankly I dont think it cares about you. It does not care about the soldiers they send out and the people that died and the hostages that were taken. They are using you as an excuse for more death and money.

"Those thinking of revenge should be ashamed," said by one of the survivors of Oct 7. And she is right. You are demanding the wrong things of your government.

And no, I will not be talking to anyone about this in my direct messages. Talking about it privately makes it feel like some debate to be won, when this shouldn't be a debate at all. The reason why I answer these kinds of asks is to make people aware of what is happening. I'm just some girl, I cannot fight for Palestine in any way that can directly save a life and I dont have the financial capability to donate, but I can do this. We can make those sick excuses of humans on top know that we know of their stink and we will not give it any excuse.

[floral-hex]

Not going to go into too many details because who really cares, but I’m good now. Mostly. Had a little scare yesterday, got a little sick, it’s whatever.

in the ER

[drferox]

My MS Diagnosis

So I’m approaching the 2 year mark since my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis and I thought I’d better document how I got here, because being the patient is a weird experience, especially for a condition that had kind of vague symptoms that needed a fair amount of work up.

My symptoms actually started in early 2020, when I was in the third trimester of pregnancy. The main symptom was mistaken for carpal tunnel syndrome - numbness in my fingers that would progress to increasingly violent pins & needles sensations, that would progress to burning if I tried to push through it. Only this sensation would extend all the way up to my shoulders at times. I stopped performing surgery, because not only was I unsatisfied with my lack of sensation to know what I was doing with my tissue handling, but the pain would get worse quickly in constrictive surgical gloves in the presence of patient warming. So I stopped performing surgery in late pregnancy and was told it would get better a few months after giving birth.

It did not.

So six months after giving birth, finding myself able to use my hands for short periods but still unable to perform surgery to my standard, I went back to complain to the doctor. I also couldn’t play video games properly, my arms would often be numb when I woke up, all the way up to my shoulder, and they were super temperature sensitive. Even hot water from washing dishes would set them off.

They sent me down a carpal tunnel work up - ultrasounds and talking to a neurologist. The short version is they did tell me I had mild carpal tunnel… on one side only.

Which did not make any damn sense considering I had symptoms on both sides all the way up to my shoulder.

The worst neurologist in the world could not explain to me why a mild problem on one wrist was affecting sensation all the way up to the opposite shoulder, and just said ‘it happens sometimes’. Now, I like to think I have a solid understanding of the basics of how a body works, and was really unsatisfied with this answer. They recommended I talk to a surgeon, since I’d already been doing a bunch of physiotherapy, but I decided not to. Surgery could have put my hand in a cast for up to 6 weeks, I had a 6 month old baby to care for at home and a partner who was useless at best, and abusive at worst. I could not afford the time in a cast.

So I went to try something else, visiting an osteopath to see what they could do about my ‘mild’ carpal tunnel, and while I’m there, these headaches I’ve been getting.

She spent a good long while stretching out different muscle groups, and found that certain neck muscle stretches changed the sensations I was getting in my fingertips. So whatever was causing the hand problem was coming from somewhere in the neck, and she recommended I get a CT scan.

Went back to my doctor to get a referral for a CT scan, and explained what was going on. He thought about it for a minute, didn’t voice his concerns, and upgraded it to a neck MRI.

That MRI found a demyelinating lesion in my neck. So went back for a full Central Nervous System scan and found a couple more borderline ones.

That sent me back to a (different) neurologist, had a proper neurological exam that found a few random patches of altered skin sensation in addition to the arm weirdness I had going on. So I was probably a MS case, but not particularly severe as MS goes.

To confirm it I needed a lumbar puncture to look for oligoclonal bands in by CSF. The lumbar puncture was a moderately unpleasant experience which then mandated that I remain lying down for 24 hours so that my spinal fluid didn’t spring a leak. With a baby and a distinctly unhelpful partner, I barely made it to that 24 hours.

And then… I sprung a CSF leak. Which is a jolly weird experience I can tell you.

When your CSF leaks from a lumbar puncture you will feel perfectly fine… when you are lying flat on your back, because your spine flops over the hole and plugs the leak. If you’re upright at all the spine flops away from the hole and it slowly leaks out, and you get more of this weird frontal headache that gets worse the longer you’re upright, standing there talking to the ER admissions nurse. And the info I had explained that it can progress to seizures and similar the worse it gets, but I only got as far as pain and fuzzy vision. I seriously could only be upright for ten minutes without pain, and had to lie down to resolve it.

That required some medicine-that-looks-like-magic to fix, called a blood patch. Doctors took some of my blood, fresh out of the vein, and inserted it into my spine approximately where the leak should be, so that the clot would cover the leaky patch. Self blood magic. It worked brilliantly, about an hour later.

The CSF tap ordeal confirmed the presence of the oligoclonal bands, and then I got stunted into the public health system, in a department specifically geared towards managing Multiple Sclerosis patients. They debated for a little while, at a multidisciplinary meeting, whether I was really MS or a Clinically Isolated Syndrome (which is like Multiple Sclerosis but without the ‘Multiple’ part), but settled on MS. Yes, Tumblr, I was nearly diagnosed with CIS.

The shoe thing took about a year from when I actively complained to doctors, or about 18 months from the first probable symptoms. That’s approximate because some things that were thought to be pregnancy symptoms could have been due to MS, like fatigue and leg weakness. I’m pretty lucky that I’m comfortable in hospitals and with medical procedures, am reasonably medically literate. I think the magic phrase that got things to happen quickly was ‘these symptoms are greatly affecting my ability to do my job’.

I don’t think my MS has progressed since starting the medication (and I’ll talk about the medication in another post). I’ve acquired one additional brain lesion since diagnosis, but I have no clue what physical symptom it’s associated with.

While some symptoms are better, I still cannot perform surgery to the standard or with the endurance that I used to,so I basically don’t any more. I can do about ten minutes, which is enough to bail a new graduate vet out of trouble, but not enough to take over completely for them. I’ve had a few years to think about it but I don’t know what the MS is going to do to my career, only that I can still practice for now.

It’s not great, but it could be a whole lot worse, and that’s how I got here.

[americaswritings]

Chocolates

Warnings: period talk

Summary: You're on your period and Neil offers you a little comfort when he sees you're having a bad day.

Words: 2.2k

Pairing: Neil Melendez x Doctor!reader

A/N: It's ridiculous how much time I wasted searching for a gif and still ending up unsatisfied. But for some reason when I search for gifs on tumblr for my writing I just get reaction memes these days. It's so annoying! Anyway, this was requested. I hope you like it and it's the way you imagined :) I really want to write more again, because it felt so good to just sit down and start typing, but life is so busy at the moment and both my physical and mental health aren't so great too! Hopefully it will all get better soon :)

You should have known it would be ‘one of those days’ when you walked into work with a belly ache, but you didn’t think much of it, hoping if you just ignored it the pain would eventually go away.

Only it didn’t. Instead it got worse, spreading into your lower back and making it hard to keep standing. All you wanted to do was sit or lie down and not move anymore, perhaps even curl over until the pain faded.

But you were on shift, the ER was buzzing and the hospital was understaffed. Sighing you grabbed the next patient’s file, scanning it quickly as you made your way over to where he was seated. Too late you realized someone was crossing your way and you bumped right into them, startling at the unexpected contact.

“Sorry!” You took a step back and glanced up at the man dressed in the blue scrubs, relieved but also a little nervous to find it was Neil Melendez. The two of you got along well, so well that it made you hope he would eventually ask you out.

But he hadn’t yet and you didn’t have the heart to do it yourself, fearing the humiliation of a rejection since you would have to keep working together.

Neil teased you and he flirted with you, but that didn’t have to mean anything. He was naturally charming. Still you hoped for the moment to come, your heart always losing its steady rhythm for a second when you laid eyes on him.

“It’s nothing.” He smiled at you and you tried to reciprocate it, but a sharp pain in your belly made your face twist in pain instead. “Well, I should get going”, you said once the pain had ebbed a little, but you didn’t make it far as Neil held you back by your elbow.

“You okay?” His brows were knitted and he watched you with a frown, his eyes darting over your face before he locked eyes with you again. You drew in a breath, tensing a little at the proximity and trying to ignore your galloping heart.

“Yeah, I’m fine”, you brushed it off, this time managing a smile. You saw Neil slightly narrow his eyes at you, but before he could say anything else you offered him a nod and hurried away.

-

You had never looked so much forward to your break, the imagination of finally sitting down and eating a meal keeping you going for the rest of the morning. But just as you handed over your last patient’s file, planning to head to the cafeteria, a voice called you back.

It was Dr. Lim. She was marching over to you and you could tell from her face she wanted something from you.

Not now.

“What is it?”, you asked, once she came to stand beside you, not hiding your frustration. The other doctor looked at you surprised, before holding an iPad out to you. “The imaging and report from Mr. Wellington’s CT just came in.”

You let your eyes flicker over it, not finding anything worth this fuss. “And?”, you asked, sounding as impatient as you felt to get held back. “That’s what I thought too”, Audrey continued unbothered, “but then I found this.” She used her fingers to zoom in on it.

“See this shadow?”

You squinted your eyes. “Could be anything.” “Right, but it looks like a small tumour. I already ran a biopsy. The results should be in soon.”

You glanced up at her, waiting for her to come to the point. When she didn’t say more you sighed. “So? Why are you showing me this?”

“Okay-“, Audrey snapped the iPad’ case shut, handing it over to the nurse’s desk, “Someone’s in a mood today!”

You winced under her glare, regretting how harsh you had sounded. It wasn’t her fault you were having a bad day and she didn’t deserve your attitude. “Sorry.”

You closed your eyes and took a deep inhale, trying to push away your annoyance. You really didn’t want to argue with Audrey today. Especially not over something stupid like this.

“It’s just-” You opened your eyes again, gesturing at the busy ER. “-My back is killing me and I have the worst cramps and I just want to lay down and suffer in silence.”

You let out a chuckle at your dramatic words and the way they came out as if they had been at the tip of your tongue only waiting to slip out, which probably wasn’t far from the truth, and Audrey offered you a sympathetic smile. “That time of the month?”

You nodded, surprised that you didn’t feel embarrassed to talk about it with her. Audrey always seemed so strong and unbothered and you couldn’t imagine her whining over a stupid period. But she seemed to know exactly what you were talking about.

“The mood swings are the worst for me. You might know I’m not the most patient person out there-”, you grinned, thinking of the many incidents she had proven what a short temper she coud have, “but during that time? You really don’t want to pick a fight with me then!”

You laughed. It was just too easy to imagine. “I bet Melendez and Andrews have made that mistake.” Audrey’s face lit up. “Oh, trust me they have!” She shook her head, smiling. “And they learn from it.”

“As they should”, you nodded, “at least they don’t have to attempt 12-hour shifts while it feels like their insides get twisted inside-out.”

Audrey laid her hand on your lower arm, squeezing lightly. “Ibuprofen’s your best friend. And if you ever need to take a break and lay down just tell me.”

You felt a lump forming in your throat and you had to will back your tears. Damn hormones! “Thank you.” You hoped she could hear how sincere you were, the thought of having an escape providing you with relief strong enough to give you a little energy back.

“We women have to stick together.” Audrey squeezed your arm again, before retreating and you looked after her for a moment, grateful to have a friend in her.

-

When you had finally made it to the cafeteria, your pager had gone off right as it had been your turn to order. “You can’t be serious”, you muttered as you pulled it out and read it. “Hey, are you going to order or what?”, you heard someone ask behind you, but without another word you took off, praying you would make it to your patient in time.

Luckily you had. But afterwards you had been pulled right into another case and before you knew it, it had grown dark outside and your stomach was growling at you.

The cafeteria was long closed and so you got a chocolate bar from the vending machine, promising yourself to get real food once you were off the clock.

The ER had quietened down as it often did at the end of your shift and since you had never taken your break you allowed yourself a moment to take a breath in the resident’s lounge.

Although you weren’t a resident anymore you still liked to come here. Perhaps it was the closeness to Neil’s office or the quiet it provided at the end of the day when the residents had all gone home. There was no one who could tell you off as you curled up on the sofa.

The chocolate tasted heavily in your mouth and you devoured it until the last crumb. “You look like you just fell in love.”

“Huh?” You glanced up, to find Neil at the door, casually entering the room and coming to stand in front of you.

He gestured towards the wrapper you had placed on the table. “The chocolate.”

Oh. You let out a chuckle as you realized you had stared at it longingly while you had contemplated whether it was reasonable to get up and get another one or if it wasn’t worth the effort it would take to search for a vending machine.

“That was probably the best chocolate I’ve ever had”, you declared and Neil chuckled. “Your standards are very low then.” You tried to look offended but failed. “Don’t speak ill of the vending machines. They are real life savers. And it’s been a tough day.”

You said it lightly, but you saw Neil’s jaw twitch at the last part. “What happened?”

He walked over to where you were sitting and you shuffled to the side to make space for him. He leaned against the armrest, his body angled towards yours. “Nothing I-”

But suddenly tears were clouding your eyes as all the emotions you had bottled up threatened to spill over. “Damn it!” You wiped at your eyes before the tears could spill, feeling your cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

You didn’t need to look at Neil’s face to see the worry on it.

“Sorry”, you let out an embarrassed chuckle and Neil smiled at you softly. “I’m usually not this emotional. It’s been a long day that’s all.”

“You have had longer ones and didn’t bat an eye.” It wasn’t an accusation, only genuine confusion on Neil’s part and your heart swelled at the hidden compliment and how much he cared to understand you.

“Yeah”, you muttered, closing your eyes as another cramp hit you. When you opened them again you hoped your face hadn’t betrayed you and given away your discomfort, but the disadvantage at working so closely together was that Neil could read you by now.

Before he could make any wild guesses, you decided to just tell him the truth.

You didn’t have to be embarrassed about it, shouldn’t feel that way, yet it was easier said than done. You didn’t want him to think you couldn’t take the hardships of the job, that you were weak or dramatic. But even as you thought it you knew Neil would never think that of you.

Or anyone.

He wasn’t like that, wasn’t intimidated by strong willed women or the reality of what it was like to be one.

Taking a long inhale and an even longer exhale you looked up at him. “I got my period this morning and I’ve been in pain all day.” Now that you had gotten the words out you suddenly had the urge to let it all out.

“And my back is like- so bad. But the cramps are the worst. And I snapped at Audrey. And then again at Glassman. And I almost bawled my eyes out when my patient made it out of surgery and his wife came to see him. And this-”, you gestured at yourself, “is the first break I have gotten all day and I don’t think I’m ever gonna stand up again.”

You stared at Neil in shock for a moment as you realized what had just happened, but then you let out a laugh. “Wow and that just came out like one long sentence!”

Neil chuckled in amusement. “That seems like a really crappy day”, he agreed and you nodded in relief that he seemed to take it serious. “Right? I mean, there are worse things, obviously, but still-” You clutched your belly again, letting out a hiss of pain.

When you looked back up Neil had shifted closer to you, his frown back in place. “Why didn’t you call in sick?”

“Really?” You shook your head, amused and a little frustrated. “I can’t just call in sick every month.”

“It’s this bad every month?”

You nodded. “Most of the time, yeah. Sometimes it’s better, other’s it’s worse. But that’s just how it is.”

Neil face twisted, clearly displeased with what you had said or the situation, perhaps both. “It shouldn’t be like that”, he said then and you looked at him for a moment, taking in his sincerity. “I mean, yeah”, you agreed after a moment. “What, you want to change the whole system now?”

Neil’s mouth curled up in the hint of a smile. “Not tonight, no. I have better plans.”

Your face fell a little as you felt a hint of disappointment at his words. Maybe he was just hanging out with friends or visiting his sister you tried to reason. But the thought of him having plans with another woman gnawed at you.

“Really? What could be better than that?”, you asked teasingly and he tipped his head towards you. “Someone needs to show you what real chocolate tastes like.”

Oh. Your hope arose so strongly you almost forgot to breathe for a moment. “And my sofa is even more comfortable than this one.” He patted the couch you were seated on, not breaking eye contact once.

You still looked at him in shock, unable to form words as you processed his. “You’re baiting me with chocolate?”, you asked once the shock had faded a little, cautious not to put too much weight into his words and Neil grinned. “I do give great massages too. I cook. And I have a big movie collection to distract you from, you know, the pain and all that.”

You smiled widely at him. “Now that wins me over”, you stated, although the thought of spending time alone with Neil was already enough. But it didn’t make his promises less appealing. And it made you feel warm inside to know how much he cared and that he had put so much thought into what he could do to make you feel better.

“Great.” He stood up. “So it’s a date?” For the first time he sounded nervous and it made your heart flutter to know it was because of you. That this, whatever it was between you, mattered to him too.

“It’s a date.”

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[klaudia2646]

Hospital in Waterloo said that David possibly has an aneurysm and had to be transferred to Iowa City by ambulance. So I went home, got a change of clothes and toiletries for him and at around 4:30 left to go to the hospital. I found emergency ok and I found David. They took him to get another CT scan. They didn’t find any aneurysm but they want to double check so they’ll do yet another test. So fingers crossed. However, he will have to stay at the hospital for 7 days. They say he needs to be checked closely. I’ll have to juggle home, pets, one and a half hour going and coming back. I have to change the oil in my car so I guess I’ll do that first thing tomorrow morning. I went to move my car from the emergency parking lot to one of the ramps and that was an ordeal. I hope I find my car again. I hate these huge hospitals, I always get lost. David is in ICU now, that’s why I had to move it. Wait and see, they’ll move him again and I’ll have to find my way once again in the hospital. Michael and Andrew will come to get me at the hospital since I haven’t slept since yesterday morning. Haven’t eaten anything all day but I saw a cafeteria on the way here. I’m not hungry but may get a coffee.

I didn’t expect to end 2023 like this but it is what it is. I’m just hoping David will come out of this one fine.

[rockyroadsmith]

Heya gang! So, just a quick update. I went to the hematologist yesterday for my annual large scale blood work (I have to go every 2 weeks for blood work to check for blood clots after having a pulmonary embolism 2 years ago, this one just checks everything) and it was weird. They couldn’t get the needle into my right arm from some kind of blockage so they then tried my freaking right wrist (super painful, I’m a needle wimp XD). Same problem, some kind of blockage, so they sent me to the hospital to check my lungs since they also could hear some strain from my lungs. There, they tried to put an IV in both my right arm and wrist AGAIN even after I told them it didn’t work, like, goddamn savages. XD Both didn’t work, so they went through my left arm. The CT scan (the picture is of the CT machine) was interesting because if you’ve never had one, the contrast they put into you makes you feel like your throat and stomach are super warm and it also makes you feel like you’re pissing your pants. X3 They ended up having a machine malfunction and it added too much contrast, fortunately I’ll be fine but it dehydrates you so I have to drink a ton today. They didn’t find any blood clots so that’s good! Some of my blood work came back a little off so I’ll have to find out what’s next for that. Today though, my arms are super sore and my hands won’t stop freaking shaking, it’s really obnoxious, so I won’t be drawing until I get back to normal. Although I’ll be leaving for a weekend trip starting Thursday anyway, so odds are I won’t be doodling at all this week. Sorry guys! XP But my husband stayed with me the whole day and even watched Monster Rancher with me when I got home to cheer me up. ;v;

[detective-giggles]

Another not WIP Wednesday!

Okay, to be fair, I have been working on a super-secret fic for a dear friend. I’m just playing in their sandbox for a bit and so I don’t want to share anything until it’s done and they approve.

But thank you @sanjuwrites for the tag! And thank you @noxsoulmate for the quick beta.

Coming in at an even 700 words: a request to fill kissing prompt #5 ( kissing them softly when they’re hurt ) from this list, from @rubinsteinsilva126. Thank you, my friend! 💜💜💜

***

Carlos sighs and shifts uncomfortably. His phone keeps vibrating in his pocket; his partner, he’s sure of it, but his head hurts too much to look, so he just ignores her.

He squeezes the mostly-melted ice pack in his hand and then drops it on his lap. He’ll ask for a new one when they come check on him, if they come check on him. The ER sounds crazy busy, and he’s just grateful he has a room and isn’t sitting in a hallway somewhere.

Carlos hears TK before he sees him, and a moment later his husband rushes in with messy hair and an AFD hoodie clearly quickly thrown over, and Carlos feels bad. He realizes he has no idea what time it is, but clearly TK had been trying to catch a few hours of precious sleep on his shift when he got the call.

“Hey, baby,” TK says softly. He cradles Carlos’ face in his hands and presses a gentle kiss to his lips, then one to his cheek as he wraps an arm around Carlos and hugs him tightly. He pulls back, holding Carlos at arms length and Carlos knows he’s checking for additional injuries he hadn’t yet disclosed.

He fires a few questions at him, too many all at once, and Carlos just gives him a blank stare while his brain tries to catch up.

“Okay, then,” TK grabs his chart and frowns as he looks over the chicken scratch.

“I want to go home,” Carlos whines as he shifts and attempts to swing his legs over the side of the gurney. The ice pack falls and makes a sad plop on the ground.

“They want to do a CT scan and then I think they’re admitting you,” TK says, settling him back onto the bed. He grabs the ice pack off the floor and shakes his head. “Gimme a sec.”

“Don’t leave,” Carlos begs.

“I’m gonna get you another. Give me just a minute.”

TK disappears and is back in less than a minute with a fresh ice pack, a little paper cup with a couple of pills, a plastic container of pudding, and a spoon.

“Wow.”

TK shrugs and smiles slyly. “Amber’s working so I-”

“You flirted?”

TK shakes his head and hands over the Tylenol. Carlos swallows them dry before TK can hand him a cup of water.

“I did not flirt.”

Carlos winces as TK places the ice pack behind his head. “Thanks,” he murmurs. He reaches up and holds the ice himself. As soon as TK’s hand is free, he gives Carlos’ thigh a squeeze and then grabs the pudding.

“Amber said they’re going to get you back for tests soon, and then they’ll get you upstairs for the night.” He carefully pulls the lid off the cup and sticks the spoon inside, offering it to his husband.

Carlos hesitates and TK sighs as he sits on the edge of the bed. “Come on, you’re always a little queasy after Tylenol on an empty stomach and it was either this or orange jello.”

Carlos wrinkles his nose. Orange is the worst. He nods and TK takes the spoon, feeding him a bit of the pudding. He’s almost done with it when the nurse walks in pushing a wheelchair.

TK sets the cup aside and stands close by as Carlos transfers himself from the bed to the wheelchair. He manages to make it without help but reaches for TK as soon as he’s settled.

“I’ll be up as soon as they get you into your room.”

“You should go back and get some sleep,” Carlos says. “I’ll be fine here.”

“Absolutely not!” TK says. “I am, however, going to call your mother if you haven’t already.”

“Absolutely not!” Carlos echoes. “You should save that for tomorrow after I’m home because my head hurts too much to deal with her tonight.”

“It’s fine, Carlos, I can handle your mother,” TK assures him, pressing one more kiss to the top of his head. He pulls out his phone but watches as they wheel Carlos out of the room and into the elevator before he slinks into the waiting room to call his mother-in-law.

Taglist: @chaotictarlos @noxsoulmate @sanjuwrites @meditating-honey-badger @plaidbooks (if you want to be added please let me know!)

[laurelnose]

good news! I don’t have a brain tumor 🥰

so basically what happened is

mid-december: i acquire Debilitating Migraine, 10 out of 10 worst pain I’ve felt in my entire fucking life Migraine, worse than the time I spent three weeks recovering from major surgery completely sober because I am inexplicably resistant to just about every class of painkiller I’ve ever tried Migraine. (I actually only rank the surgery experience about a 6 out of 10 on the pain scale.) we get the migraine down to Bad But Manageable by locating several new Christmas light strings that turned out to be flickering at speeds the human eye could not detect but my human brain certainly could and throwing them all out. I make a doctor’s appointment.

last week: I finally see my PCP. she prescribes me a triptan, which is an abortive med that is meant to stop migraine attacks. the triptan decreases the headache but does not remove it entirely. also, the damn thing keeps getting worse again. I try it three times over the week, which is the maximum number of times you’re supposed to take a triptan in a month. almost like you’re not supposed to have more than three headaches in a month or something?? weird. well, technically I haven’t had three. it’s all the Same Damn Headache.

this same day I also pick up a topiramate prescription, which is a preventative. i am advised i can start the topiramate even if i am not pain free. maybe if i give it a day or two it will help even if i am currently having an attack??

wednesday i see my PCP for followup and tell her i am still in pain. she offers to get me squeezed in to have an intramuscular toradol (heavy-duty NSAID) shot. this kicks in within 20 minutes and doubles my migraine pain. I was at 3-ish and now I am at 6 and unhappy about it.

i do not come back down from the level the toradol kicked me up to. i survive thursday by not doing very much of anything.

uh? holy shit? yeah, sure?

friday the pain becomes unbearable. back up to an 8, which isn’t the worst it’s been but it’s also Day Forty Fucking Two and I’m so tired. I leave work early & go to urgent care where they pump me fulla benadryl and dexamethasone. absolutely none of this is fun — the dexamethasone feels like a panic attack and the benadryl makes me dizzy and light-headed + makes it very hard to think of words? what the shit do people take benadryl recreationally for? but! the pain diminishes dramatically. after the IV’s done they get me in for a CT scan and are like hey! you don’t have a brain tumor! (I was not actually worried I had a brain tumor but it’s always nice to rule it out.) but you do have a sinus infection and a bunch of fluid buildup that’s probably triggering the migraine. (really? but I haven’t been congested?) yeah, no, it’s really deep in there. do you wanna do antibiotics and sudafed about that to clear up the fluid?

saturday morning the head pain is back but it’s mild and it feels LIKE A FUCKING SINUS HEADACHE and not a migraine anymore oh my god. Guess what kinds of headaches are fucking fixable and tend not to be intractable and unpreventable. It’s also like, a manageable amount of pain? It hurts but I feel okay?? I get thru work without taking my breaks in the dark with a heat pad? I look at headlights on the dark road coming home and am not immediately debilitated? 😭 Maybe in a week and a half when the antibiotics course is done I will actually just be Fine??

I really shoulda gone to urgent care back in December. Too bad I didn’t quite realize you could go to urgent care for migraines until I’d seen my PCP for the first time and that couldn’t happen earlier bc, well, appointments are hard to come by.

I’m wondering in hindsight if the triptan WAS kicking the migraine more effectively than I thought it was and i couldn’t tell because I had a sinus headache underneath (which kept bringing the migraine back). this also explains why I was getting decent results with Vick’s VapoRub LMAO. Like some people do swear by menthol for migraines but it was probably helping the congestion too.

anyways this is why I’ve been quiet. I will be quiet for a little while longer probably bc the sinus headache is still not fun but it is getting better. in fact i had to get up and eat breakfast to take my antibiotic but it is sunday and i don’t actually want to be awake so i think i’m going back to bed

i am never letting anyone talk me into taking another NSAID ever fucking again.

[emma-m-black]

Doctor White - Chapter Three

Tom Koracick x OC (FanFiction)

This is a super rough draft of a Tom Koracick x OC story I've had in my head. I got a ton of chapters done, but then kind of his a block at a cliff hanger and I figure, perhaps if I post it, maybe I can figure out what to do next.

Rating is probably close to PG, don't think there is any spicey bits, pretty tame.

Read: Chapter One, Chapter Two

Chapter Three:

Elizabeth entered the CT scan room with a smile on her face as she saw her mentor staring at the scans of one of their patients. “I brought coffee.” Elizabeth held out a coffee cup towards Amelia.

“I want to create a way to use radio waves to boil a tumour.” Amelia rushed out as she approached Elizabeth.

“Wow okay. Well, I want to create a chemotherapy gel that can be injected into the brain for slow releasing long term treatment, specifically for inoperable tumours.” Said Elizabeth.

“Wish I would have thought of that one,” Amelia said with a smile.

“So, I need to find someone else to sign off on my project?” Elizabeth said with a frown before lifting her coffee cup to her lips.

“And I’ll need to find someone else to help with mine.” Amelia took the offered coffee with a frown. “Well, this is not how I thought today would go.”

Elizabeth sat herself down on the couch in the room and sighed. “Tell me about it.”

“So, what brought your idea on?” Asked Amelia as she sat down in one of the office chairs before spinning to look at Elizabeth.

“I’m getting close to my ten-year window. If my tumour comes back, there is a chance it will be cancerous. It might not be completely operable. I’ve come to terms with this, but other people shouldn’t have to live like this. I want to give people more hope than they had yesterday.”

“Is this just theoretical?”

“No, I’ve been working on this for a while, but I think I’ve figured it out and with this contest. I could actually make it happen.”

“Make what happen?” Came the questioning voice of Doctor Tom Koracick. “Is that why you aren’t at your CT scan?”

“My CT is tomorrow.” Elizabeth spoke.

“No, your CT is today.” Replied Tom with a smile.

Elizabeth scrunched up her nose and her eyes shifted around the room as she tried to remember what day it was. “My CTs are Friday and today is Thursday.”

“No, it’s Friday, Doctor White.”

“It’s Friday?”

“It’s Friday.” Said Amelia with a smile and a raise of her coffee cup.

“Fine, let’s go,” Said Elizabeth, standing from her spot.

As Elizabeth walked toward Tom, he grabbed the coffee from her hand. “No more of that until after your scan.” He then raised the cup up to his lips and took a sip.

“Rude.” Elizabeth turned and began her walk out of the room. A few seconds later, Tom caught up to her, and the two made their way through the Hospital.

“So what are you making happen?” Asked Tom before taking another sip of the coffee as they entered the CT room.

“I don’t think I want to tell you. You might steal it like you did my coffee.” Elizabeth made her way to the screen and changed like she had the last time into a gown. “I want to make a chemo gel.”

“A chemo gel?”

“You know, the chemo discs we place in the brain.” Said Elizabeth as she came out from behind the screen in her gown. “I want to develop a slow evaporating gel that allows for the chemo to fully cover a tumour’s location. Unlike the disc, we could more directly attack the cancerous cells.”

“That’s, that’s actually brilliant.”

“But Amelia already has a plan for this stupid contest.” Elizabeth sat herself on the table and Tom helped her lay back.

“I’ll do it. You need someone with the experience and the name. I have connections. I’ll even let you put your name on it, after mine, of course.”

“Ha, ha.” Said Elizabeth. She settled herself on the table and Tom set the table into the CT scanner.

“I’ll have my back to the door. I’ll be standing with my back to the door, yet I’ll know when he walks in. It’s the strangest thing.” Elizabeth began singing and stopped, wondering if Tom knew this one, as the hum of the CT started.

The click of the intercom turning on alerted her that Tom was in the scan room and they were ready to begin. “I’ll hear the laugh of the crowd, though standing well apart from the crowd, and I’ll know when he walks in. It’s the strangest thing. What do you suppose it is that’s mine and his? What would you call that?” He stopped and Elizabeth knew that this meant the scans were up, and he was looking them over. “It’s not a tumour.”

Elizabeth let out a laugh.

“I’m serious, though. I’ll assist on your project.” Came Tom’s voice through the intercom.

“You don’t even work here. Now, just please let me out of this thing.”

“Not until you agree to let me in on your world changing, life-saving idea.” Tom replied, his voice still echoing through the intercom, which told Elizabeth that he was not in the room with her.

“Doctor Koracick, let me out of here.” Elizabeth slapped her palm down on the table for emphasis on her frustration.

“Not until you agree to work with me, or go on a date with me. I’ll take either.” This time his voice was closer and not coming through the intercom system. Elizabeth craned her neck slightly to see Tom peaking into the CT machine.

“Fine.” Groaned Elizabeth. The table retracted, and Elizabeth was greeted by the smiling face of Tom Koracick.

“Fine to the innovative life-saving drug delivery system, or fine to a date?”

“Drugs, definitely just the drugs.” Elizabeth said as she sat up at the table. “Now get out of the way, so I can put my clothes back on.”

Chapter Four

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

Shell 4.11 Live Reactions

(This is me, writing reactions as I read, because why the fuck not. They're not complete, mature thoughts taken after I sit back and evaluate what I've read. Consider them as such)

“If something happens because I was wrong, and it isn’t because you gave me the wrong information or tools to work with, I’ll own up.  I’ll tell him, and your reputation will be unaffected.  Promise.”

I actually believe Lisa here. Assuming it is Lisa, anyway.

This other guy... didn't Coil have a medical tinker at one point or something? Or was that just invented in a fic?

“That, honey, is the only reason we’ve been trying to wake you up.  You’ve been using your power while you sleep, and every bug in the neighborhood has been gathering here to crawl on you.  Not all at once, not all together, but they’re adding up and someone’s going to notice.”

Something she's gonna have to work on. But that's some serious Powers are Bullshit stuff.

“Shh.  Relax.  It’s fine.  Just send the bugs away, and you can go back to sleep.  We’re handling everything, okay?” It was okay.  I drifted off. ■ I was jostled from a dream.

Wildbow does use the first person approach to great effect, but it does have it's limits.

“Brian, okay.  Thank you.  If you could just bring her through here.  After you called, I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I made up the sofa bed, in case we couldn’t get her upstairs, or if there was a wheelchair.  I was thinking the worst…” “The couch is fantastic,” Lisa said, “She’s most definitely not in the worst shape she could be in, or even close to it.  She’s going to sleep a lot, and you’ll need to check on her every half hour to make sure she’s okay, for the next twelve hours.  Besides, she might want to watch TV between naps, so this looks like a perfect place to be.”

Okay so this is Lisa and Brian spilling a whole line of bullshit to her dad about how she got hurt?

“You can.  But my dad’s a doctor, and he looked her over in his clinic.  Pulled strings to get her a CT scan, MRI.  He wanted to be absolutely sure there was no brain damage before he gave her stronger painkillers.  Here.  I’ve got the bottle in one of these pockets.  There.  It’s codeine.  She’s probably going to have some major headaches, and she was moaning in her sleep about pain in her extremities.  Give her one pill four times a day, but only if she feels she needs it.  If she’s okay as is, just wean her off.  Two a day, or half a pill four times a day.”

The patented Tattletale Line of Bullshit™. But it does work.

So surreal.  Hearing words like my dad’s name or the word ‘papa’ from Lisa’s mouth.

True. She just doesn't seem like a 'papa' sort of girl.

“Rachel’s more scratched and bruised than Taylor, but she didn’t get a concussion, and she’s a tough girl. 

So they did find her, one way or the other.

“A bomb.  You’ve seen the news?” “Explosions across the city all night and all morning, yes.  The incident at the PHQ.   All started by one of the parahumans.  I can’t remember her name.  Sounded Japanese?”

Very convenient that she was going boom all over the city at the same time as picking a fight with the Undersiders.

“I… I know it sounds strange,” my dad spoke, hesitantly, “But even after you told me it was a bomb, on the phone, I couldn’t believe it.  I thought maybe it was a mean prank, or Taylor had come across, um.” “The bullies,” Lisa finished my dad’s sentence.

Even living in Brockton Bay, it makes sense you'd have a hard time believing it, Danny.

Sympathetically, Lisa answered, “But you’re disappointed that someone wasn’t you.” If guilt caused you physical pain, I think that would have been like a shiv through my heart.

Taylor, talk to your dad. Danny, fucking talk to your daughter. The longer you wait, the harder it gets.

I thought about it, “I don’t like lying to my dad.”

I think that ship sailed awhile ago, Taylor. But I suppose I do get why this feels different. One more step on her road.

“I- I’m so sorry… That came out wrong.  I’m grateful for what you did, what you’re doing.  You guys are awesome and hanging out with you has been some of the most fun I’ve had in years.  I’m so glad you’re here, and I’d like nothing better to just kick back and unwind after all that, but-” Lisa put a finger against my lips, silencing me.  “I know.  You like to keep different parts of your life separate.  I’m sorry, but there wasn’t a way around it.  You were hurt, and we couldn’t keep you without your dad causing a stir.”

I don't think you can really do that as easily as you'd like, but again, I get it. Taylor wants to keep her budding villain (and would be hero) career seperated out, so it can be an escape from the hell of school, and the empty void of life at home. It can't be, if the two lives entangle like that. But - you really can't enforce an artificial divide like that. You can try, but it's not gonna work Taylor.

I'd imagine that's part of Worm's point, how hard the two lives really are. Like, is much ever established about the nominal civilian lives of any of the Protectorate Heroes? Never comes up in any fics, for one.

Lisa continued, “I called the boss, he sent us to a doctor who has a reputation for being discreet and working with parahumans.  Been doing it twenty years.  We were worried about you.”

Gotta love a full service employer. Maybe this 'boss' isn't so bad? /jk

“Nothing to apologize for.  Anyways, it all more or less worked out.  The doc got the capsule out of Brian’s nose, patched you up, gave Regent an IV.  I sat and watched you while Brian went and got Rache, her dog and the money.  Only two or three thousand gone, that someone thought they could get away with grabbing from the bag before it was all counted.  Our boss sent a van and picked it up a little after midnight.  Money he gave us is already in our apartment, with more to come after he decides what the papers are worth.”

How did they figure out where those were?

“Here’s the second bit of bad news.  All of that?  It was one overblown distraction.  Something to keep every cape in the city busy, while Oni Lee sprung Lung from the PHQ.”

I feel like this has to be the first time Worm pulls the rug out from under the protagonist, and the reader. She really did accomplish something, with Lung getting caught. And as readers, it's a big moment, her big first win is such a big deal, not just any villain, it's the fucking DRAGON DUDE

And now he's out. And they didn't even stop Bakuda for their troubles. It's all undone, and the city's even worse off thanks to all the bombs and the ABB having it's conscripts and so forth.

The first in a long chain of extremely mixed 'victories', if they can even be called that.

Lisa nudged my upper arm with her elbow and grinned, “You got a perfect excuse not to go.  Why complain?” Because I’d forced myself to go to school after missing nearly a week of classes, with the intention of not skipping any more, and now I was going to miss another full week.  I couldn’t say that, especially not in front of my dad.

Taylor, it isn't... it isn't... - I don't know what you think it is, subjecting yourself to that shithole? Noble? A sign of defiance? A desperate grab at the worst sort of normality?

I don't know what it is, but you're not actually doing it, dragging yourself there. School's important, yeah. I get that.

Winslow? Winslow sure as fuck isn't.

But for her, it's just one more crack in her attempt to wall between the two halves of her life.

The three of us laughed at a series of jokes in the movie, and Lisa got the hiccups, which only made Brian and I laugh harder. I saw my dad puttering about in the kitchen, probably to keep an eye on me, and our eyes met.  I gave a little wave, not moving my arm, just my hand, and smiled.  The smile he gave me in return was maybe the first truly genuine one I’d seen on his face in a long time. The school thing?  I’d worry about it later, if it meant I could live in the present like this.

And yet - the rug was pulled, but Taylor does have her friends, her dad, the illusion of something she can use to make herself happy, she is happy, despite it all. At least now, in the moment.

[chicaotaku-fanfics]

There's Three of You?! Pt. 14

And we start on our arc for one of the many crossovers that happened in the One Chicago universe: Chicago Fire 4X10: "The Beating Heart", Chicago Med 1x05: "Malignant", and Chicago PD 3x10: "Now I'm God".

Let the fun begin!

Warnings: foul language, might be some medical inconsistencies.

CHAPTER 14

After the shift from hell we had the other day, and the fun aftermath of the movie night, it was time to face our reality: a new day at work at Gaffney Chicago Med.

All had been going well, like really well, and I had already treated two patients: a cheerleader with a dislocated shoulder, and a 53 year old man with severe allergies, both fixed in the ED and good as new in less than two hours.

It was all going well, we had managed a slow but steady patient flow, and it was almost the end of my shift when all hell broke loose, Dawson and two more paramedics came in with Herrmann.

Oh no, Chris!

“April!” called the paramedic leading the gurney.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Stab wound to the right flank. BP 80 over 50.” he answered again, I made my way over to them.

“Let's get him to the shock room. Call respiratory and blood bank. Get me two of 0 neg and two plasma. Right away.” I said, Connor coming in behind me.

“We'll take good care of him.” April said to Gabby.

“Hey, you hang tough. You hear me?” Dawson said to Herrmann.

“Get him unbuckled.” I said, we all got in position.

“Ready? On my count. One, two, three.” said Connor.

“All right, let's get the blood going.” I ordered, and just like that, we treated Herrmann and Connor took him to get a CT scan, with a promise to update me if anything happened.

I got out of the trauma room and just made my way to the doctors lounge and collapsed on the couch, it was difficult to breathe for a second. I let out a big sigh, running my fingers through my hair.

“God.” I said. I went to the bathroom, and started washing my hands, trying to get feeling of Herrmann’s blood off my hands, tears welled up in my eyes. Thinking about Herrmann, sweet, caring, cheerful Herrmann, being rolled in on a gurney, paled and in shock due to bloodloss really shook me to my core.

“Hey.” I turned to see Reese entering the room, I took some paper to dry my hands and eyes.

“Hey.” I said to her.

“I heard what happened earlier, about Herrmann…” she started, I nodded, my back to her, but the mirror in front of me showing her exactly how I was feeling. “Are you ok?” she asked, I nodded.

“I’ll be fine Reese. Don’t worry.” I said, as I threw the used paper in the garbage bin. I turned to her and gave a soft smile so she could stop worrying. She answered with a small smile of her own.

“If you need anything, I’m here, okay?” she asked, I nodded.

God she’s so cute!!

We made our way out and were met with Burgess who was talking to April, they were talking of an attempted suicide victim.

That doesn’t sound good. At. ALL.

I then noticed Cruz in one of the treatment rooms with an oxygen mask on his face.

“Hey Cruz, you good?” I asked him, he looked glum, and the fact that he didn’t answer me was answer enough. “I’ll take that as a no.” I said, small smile on my face, he went to talk, I stopped him. “Don’t feel pressured to talk to me. Just know that I’m here if you need me Joe.” I said, he gave me an attempt at a small smile, and I left him so he could rest.

My phone pinged with a message notification, I took it out of my pocket and the two words there made me feel a tidal wave of relief wash over me.

From: C. Rhodes 🩺

He’s awake.

I made my way to the elevator and up to the room’s floor to check on Herrmann. Once there, I noticed that everyone from firehouse 51 was there.

Guess I’ll have to come back later.

I turned to leave, but apparently my presence was known.

“Hey kiddo.” said Herrmann, everyone turned to look at me.

“Hey Herrman. Guys.” I said, referring to all the firefighters. I made my way to the screen displaying all of my friend’s vitals and checked on it, then my eyes went to the oxygen cannula on his face. “You seem to be doing fine.” I said, he then turned to everyone.

“Ugh. Look at these grim faces. You guys buried me already.” he said to the room.

“Christopher.” his wife, Cindy if I’m not mistaking, admonished him. Some of the guys there chuckled at Herrmann’s attempt at humor.

“They've been giving him transfusions. Boosting his white blood cell count. But the bleeding hasn't stopped. What did the doctor say about it? Well, he's trying to stay positive, but I can tell he's concerned.” she said, I paid close attention.

“I can notify Dr. Rhodes about the bleeding, and we can see what we can do to identify its origin and stop it.” I said, she turned to me.

“I think this is the first time we meet.” she said, I nodded. “I’m Cindy Herrmann, Christopher’s wife.” she said with a small smile.

“Dr. Lillian Halstead, emergency medicine physician. Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Herrmann.” I said, she dismissed the formality.

“Please, call me Cindy.” she said, I nodded. I felt the weight of a hand take mine, I looked down at Herrmann. The room fell silent

“Thanks kiddo.” he said, I took his hand with my free one.

“You have nothing to thank me for.” I said to him with a small smile.

“I do. You helped me… when I first got here.” he said, I squeezed his hand.

“Anytime Herrmann. Anytime.” I said, he then turned to his wife and I excused myself. “I’ll go tell Dr. Rhodes.” I added, everyone nodded and I left the room.

I went and looked for Connor, we talked about the bleeding and then I caught Ethan asking Chili and Sylvie about the attempted suicide victim. As soon as the paramedics left I walked over to him.

“Hey, all good?” I asked him, he looked at me, and nodded into the room, I followed.

“Meet Jessica Pope. She was brought in for gas inhalation, possible su-” I cut him off.

“Yeah, heard Burgess mention why she was brought in. Wanna tell me what’s wrong?” I asked, he handed me the iPad with her medical history. I looked up at him. “She hasn’t regained consciousness?” I asked him, he shook his head no. I looked down at the file again, two words making my skin crawl. “She’s a cancer patient?” I asked, after reading chemo port in the file.

“Yeah, found the port when changing her into the gown.” Ethan answered, I nodded, pushing all of the thoughts of my mother and her own battle with cancer off the front of my mind.

“Ok, then we’ll need to keep digging, I say let’s keep her on oxygen and observation.” I said, he nodded.

More time passed and Jessica hadn’t made any progress, I was worried. Eventually Ethan called Will to try and shine some light into the situation.

“Blood results just don't make sense. Normally, fire and smoke inhalation victims show a high white count from stress demargination.” said Ethan, I just couldn’t understand what was going on at this point.

“But Jessica, her cell count's low across the board.” I added, looking at the file I had in my hands.

“Well, the lack of oxygen from the natural gas exposure might have given her an anoxic brain injury, but there must be something else going on.” said my brother, trying to give ideas as to what is happening.

“What else could it be?” asked April.

“Unfortunately… it beats me.” I said, Ethan seemed to share the sentiment.

“Well, we gotta keep digging.” said Will.

“If we can't find out more about this woman soon, we're gonna have a hell of a time trying to save her.” said Ethan.

“That is one tight group.” said April, that made us all look at the firefighters who had entered the hospital for the, if I’m not mistaking, fifth time today.

I later learned from the grapevine that Connor had rushed Herrmann into surgery because a clot came loose and his chest tube was all bloodied up.

Herrmann, it’s not your time yet.

Connor, please save Chris.

God… I beg you, don’t take him yet, it’s not his time.

And so it begins, the first crossover-based chapters of my story. I want to thank you all for sticking around for this, I love you all.

Also, the AO3 link for this story and the one for the extra scenes "Things Left Unsaid" are here on this blog, go check them out if you haven't.

Thanks again for your love and patience, tons of love.

[theglowstickchronicles]

Long whiny personal update under the cut

Up early cause I picked up call today cause I need the moneys. I haven’t been the best tumblr friend lately, going a week or two between posting and not responding to anyone else’s posts. It’s been a really difficult autumn so far. If it makes y’all feel better I’ve also been a shitty friend IRL too.

Back in mid-September I got a regular old headache on a day off, took an Excedrin and sumatriptan that didn’t help but didn’t think much of it. Went to work the next day and it got progressively worse until I was cold sweating, nauseous, shaking, and having trouble seeing. My manager and both assistant managers were on of course and bullied me into going to the ED. Was there for about 8 hours getting CT scan, MRI, blood work, migraine cocktail, and neuro consult. Ended up being put back on my old dose of diamox and a 3-day course of prednisone with an emergent visit to my neuro-ophthalmologist the following week (since this was a Friday night).

She doubled my dose of diamox and started me on topiramate. We staggered this to try and suss out side effects and y’all…. Jesus Christ.

Without any attempt at eating better/dieting and absolutely 0 exercising (I actually had to cancel my hiking trip to the White Mountains / my first of the NE67, super sad) I’ve lost 15 lbs since Sept. 20. My days off are spent mostly laying in bed, although I picked up 4 hours of OT at work the other week and finally got a TV for my living room so now days off can also be spent on the couch. I didn’t decorate for Halloween. I haven’t mowed my lawn in a month (although to be fair it’s been super rainy on like every single day off, thanks New England). Haven’t picked my pumpkins from the garden yet! My house has been absolutely disgusting with bare minimum amounts of cleaning because I’m so tired and feel so shitty, although I just spent the last two days really working on it because I’m hoping to get my basement finally redone in the next few weeks.

Also started going to therapy cause like…this is not how I want to be living my life and sometimes I wake up and wish I hadn’t? And also like I stepped on Duncan’s foot the other day by accident and had a complete MELTDOWN about it. Like he’s fine and I still feel guilty and teary about it. Also. Like. I had a 5 year plan to start trying for kids soon cause I’m getting old and now I’m SOL???

Anyway. My therapist wants me to journal more and I HATE it but I’m gonna start tumblr-ing more and see if that helps. Will not be telling her that lol.

Thanks for dealing with me.

[mandana-the-service-pup]

Quick Health Update.

Chest CT Scan w/ Contrast & Calcium Score. Calcium score is 0. Can’t get better than that so yay? They didn’t find anything unusual but I had a bad reaction to the contrast. Blacked out a bit from the pain (not usually painful for most people so idk what that was about. Felt like a red hot metal rod being jammed in my arm) and missed the breathing cue so had to do it again with even more contrast which flooded the image and made it really hard to see the right side of the heart. Cardiologists conclusion is that I’m fine. I don’t want another CT scan ever again. That was really awful.

Upper Endoscopy. Anesthesiologist was really mad bc of my complex medical history she said I should have had it scheduled at a hospital and not their clinic. She was mad on my behalf that the cardiologist isn’t doing anything to treat my crazy heart stuff and she almost didn’t let me do the endoscopy but she went through all of my test reports over this past year (ct. echo. ekg. lung function. mri) and finally agreed. All those reports saying “you’re tests are normal” were finally good for something 😒 She warned me of all the side effects of the endoscopy & biopsy and said they would transfer me to an emergency room if anything went wrong but tbh it was the most pain relief I’ve had in months and this is what has finally convinced me I need to give methotrexate a try bc I can’t keep living in this much pain.

Oh and the results from the endoscopy is that I don’t have any ulcers but I do have inflammation. The crazy thing is that the inflammation looks more related to my autoimmune issues than like stomach acid problems or whatever. Gastroenterologist is putting me on Omeprazole to protect my stomach from the NSAIDs and I’m going to follow up with the Rheumatologist on the Methotrexate. (I’m also in the process of getting Tirosint approved by my insurance bc I know I’ve been reacting to the fillers in my levothyroxine)