#I’m dead Brennan this season is perfect

[somnas-writes]

Never Stop Blowing Up is my favorite d20 series ever, nothing could ever top the pure delirium I felt watching Episode Four

[fangirlshrewt97]

D20 - Dungeons and Drag Queens Ep 2 Notes

Oh man, I am so far behind. I will try to finish the other two episodes within the next week if possible. Let’s see. 

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I love Jujubee placing herself in the middle of the group. No one will come at her first

"But you're the oldest one here trying to die bitch" LOLOL

"But I'm not dead. [...] And since I'm not alive...Bitch!" That is Jujubee's second retraction after accidentally eating the magical seed. Love the table just falling over themselves at these antics. "What did you roll a one?  A one on steath?"

"If you roll a one, we are going to end up with a guppy.: Bob with the incredible quips once again.

"Did she lose her sense of fashion" Brennan just losing it while Monet just looks so done and disappointed.

Alaska's expression whenever she goes into character is top notch, that growling face

"Dinner is served!" "Is she going to fucking eat us...we're rotting?!" LOL

Monet jumping into the explanation before Brennan even asks her to. So excited, so cute.

Gertrude's attack was so cool.

Here we go with Brennan making all his players cry again. This man's storytelling abilities are awe-inspiring

"What the going gets tusk, the tusk gets going." All of these character taglines are so on point.

Awww this uncle is so sweet.

Lol Troyan forgeting the spell letting them take characters across the river is so perfect.

Them rushing to write down the name of the Goddess is also very nice. They are great first time DnD players!

Damn Nyruth is handsome too. The character artists for this season really went all out (But then again, they always do at D20).

Oh my god Jujubee is so chaotic, the others spend half the show just trailing behind trying to clean up their mess. Brennan must love her for it.

"I wanna get wet." Brennan stop! God why does it always make me blush when he just says stuff like that!

Jujubee is so proud of the Monet X Change pun lololol

"I can disguise myself as a flashlight" Lol, I don't know how much jujubee genuinely wants to play, and how much she just wants to cause chaos, but I love her for it.

I kind of wish we had gotten a chane to see Brennan's expression as the Queens are discussing this double crossing plan.

Unbelieve Brennan, oh my god. Just playing on the Paula Abdul bit.

I like the flash cuts to Alaska's reactions to the antics of Bob and Jujubee, where she is just mentally rolling her eyes, like what is happening right now?/are you serious?

Oh my god, "Dispel his Dispel Magic". So convoluted

Holy shit, three ones! Oh no that jack that is going to eat them.

Did Monet just try to trick Brennan the DM abut what dice to use? Lol

"D'Hamia - Snatched and Thirsty" the captions are superb

"I pour your tea in a bucket" Glad to see them all remembering Princess's size lol.

All of them playing out what's the best plan is actually so nice. Like they are really leaning into the RP this season, because for newbies, a ton of combat would be heard. And it's nice seeing the Queens trying to logic out what would be the best moves to do. Even if their dice don't always let them.

"4" "Hundred" Twyla is so chaotic, my god, she always just does the most insane choice. ...I really want her to play with Emily (RIP their poor DM)

Ooooh Troyan's mom is only saving herself...

"She sounds like an alcoholic" Brennan has been wheeze laughing so much this episode, it's delightful

Oof, brutal revelation

"It wasn't like 'Hey girl!'" Brennan's expression is so funny

D'Hamia interactions with Princess are great

"We are going to pimp out our orc friend." Bob is just killing it with the one liners.

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Oh god this preview is so dramatic lol

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That was a good episode! I can see the campaign will likely be very light in combat, which makes sense, the Queens are making the RP and character choices that are so entertaining and fun to watch. Excellent season so far.

[wittyno]

Some disorganized thoughts:

My Clerical Gnomance is the best thing to have ever happen. I love it so much. Their set even had a MCR-inspired logo. Totally unrelated, loved the music in that episode.

I just loved the festival fight. I know they’ve talked about how much younger their audience is than them and I was worried that would translate into them holding back, but it hasn’t which is nice.

I really hope that the rat grinders are being corrupted rather than actively evil, because if they are the bizzaro mirror versions of the bad kids they should also suffer the same institutional pressures of being at an adventuring academy. I like how one of the themes of this season is adults allowing kids to bear burdens they shouldn’t have to bear. Not digging deeper when kids who are clearly not fine say that they’re fine. It would make the rat grinders much more interesting. I think there is a really cool way this mystery could go and I hope that is is that rather than just. Rat grinders = bad. Especially because they are clearly a stand in for a different way of playing dnd. For me at least it doesn’t matter how you play. It matters that you’re having fun. If grinding XP and doing little roleplaying is fun for you then let’s do that.

Love how they changed their tune on Maryanne though. That girl is so neurodivergent-coded. I feel like if they actively hated on her they way do on Kipperlilly it could get icky real fast.

I’m a little conflicted on Porter. I think this development muddles the waters on the weird teacher putting up insane academic hurdles theme. I do think he’s right and that Gorgug should be engaging with his rage more. I think it’s more a function of the dice rolling well and that’s just not how real life works.

The Vulture Dimension. 10/10. No notes. The look on their faces when it came up. Perfection!

I’m excited to see what the red beads do.

I may have misinterpreted this joke but did Brennan make Bruce Springsteen a canon god? If so, 10/10.

I love how much we are getting to know the teachers in this season. It makes me want to watch a season about being teachers in a fairytale realm. Or mortals in a Fae Realm campaign.

I do hope Agent Clark Brennan gets to catch Fig Emily. A truly magical confrontation.

We probably won’t get an appearance of Chungeldown Bim, which is fine. Sad, but fine.

We got to see baby again and I want him to be a class feature so bad. Though I do love the Paladin energy that Fig is bringing. It’s very different from the regular energy but in a good way.

I really hope Kristen gets to talk more to that Helio kid. Though I was a bit confused since Brennan said he’s not from an as stringent contingent of Helio worshipers but he’s clearly modeled in Mormon missionaries. If you talk to ex-Mormons a lot of them will call Mormonism a cult. There are some great interviews on YouTube about it.

Sexy rat being a trigger for Fabian is hilarious.

The people accused of fraud are just dead? Ok… I’m still not happy with this part of the story.

The Sol-Cassandra-Galicaea storyline is fascinating.

time to catch up on five episodes of fantasy high in like one day.

[the-nat-honey]

Fantasy High + Dads

Hella spoilers <3

It’s really important to me that while most of the characters (specifically Fig and Gorgug, but the others to a degree) all have a comedic fixation on their dads that in a lot of other comedy situations would never be resolved, in Season 1, Brennan finds a way to meaningfully end most of those fixations in ways that aren’t like, awful trauma. Fig ends up with Gorthalax and Gilear being good co-dads, Gorgug meets his birth parents (though it’s never once played that he resents the Thistlesprings and he continues living happily with them), and Adaine and Kristen both end up with Jawbone either as a father or a father figure.

Then we have Season 2, where we have an opposite problem with Fabian; his fixation with his dad isn’t good and can’t be resolved healthily. (The line in season 1 where Bill says, “You are a direct reflection of me,” is probably how Fabian grew up thinking about himself.) and Brennan resolves that in a very interesting way, and a way I, as a mixed kid who didn’t really grow up with my mom’s culture and is not trying my best to learn through what little I can get, really appreciate. He goes through Pirate Brawl and comes out of Season 2 with a new sense of self and more importantly for this post, a new respect for the part of him that is his mother, specifically by connecting to the elven nature and dancing and allowing himself not to be a brutal pirate but instead to take up the poise and creativity and beauty that elves tend to embody. His fixation with his father, even in post-Mortem mental elevation, is tempered by first the knowledge that Fabian is not and should never be him, and then the knowledge that his mother is just as cool and important.

Honorable mention to Pok Gukgak who would be the best dad ever but he’s dead lmao. Riz finds out that his dad is cool in S1, and up until the moment Kalina shows him Pok in hell, he believes his dad is perfect. There’s always been a fixation on being just like his Dad, but coming to terms with who Pok really was elevated that, in a way. Not in an outward way, but we see in the nightmare forest that it’s a fear for Riz that he’s never going to live up to Pok. Meeting him isn’t a shock, but it allows him to open that door of, yes he’s cool, no I’m not him, but we’re similar enough for it to count. Which is great.

[supercantaloupe]

on Aelwyn Abernant, the Reformed Villain Squad, and redeeming teenage antagonists

an analysis on antagonist character development in Fantasy High. spoilers through sophomore year and (mildly so) the most recent roll20 oneshot. essay under the cut bc i am very long winded

the turnaround with Aelwyn in s2 is handled so well  i cant get over it. she was such a major antagonist in the first season and just. despicable. she had no pathos. we hated this bitchy older sister who tried to kill Adaine and her friends and raise an evil dragon, and when she gets knocked on her ass and thrown in jail, we cheer.

and then s2 fucking starts saying “hey she’s in jail still if you’d like to look into that” and pursuing that thread ends up being almost as comedic an idea as it is a reluctant one; it’s also quickly shunted to the background as soon as more pressing leads present themselves, to the point where we almost forget about her until Adaine is kidnapped and then the first time you see her it’s just. viscerally upsetting.

she’s bad. she did evil. she got what she deserved.

but she already got what she deserved. last season.

she got her ass handed to her by a bunch of 14 year olds including her little sister (how embarrassing!). her plans were thwarted. she got punched in the face and made fun of. she already got her punishment.

it just……immediately registers as over-the-top Wrong to be told “hey, remember that antagonist you beat last season? she’s still being punished for that, except it’s way worse than just going to mumple.”

and there’s that reminder that like…this is a teenager. a child. who has been manipulated and abused. which is a really fascinating look at this character we used to see pretty much unilaterally as a one dimensional bitchy villain.

i mean we got a more in depth look at Penelope’s and Biz’s motivations in s1 (Penelope being the popular rich girl sorceress obviously hungry for power and the alllure of the high school clout that is being prom queen, but also we know that her having to turn on her best friend Sam Nightingale as part of the scheme was something she was reluctant and not happy to do; and Biz being that predatory incel creeper type dude besides just a nerd with computers and a lack of social graces). and they were as much willingly active in the plot as Aelwyn was. yet in s1 they really never do bother to explore Aelwyn’s motivations. i remember after watching s1 but before s2 that was one of my biggest lingering questions: why tf was Aelwyn involved?

well. she was manipulated and abused. her terrible parents raised her in an awful environment that conditioned her to Listen and Obey and Behave and Be Perfect, and then Kalina helped cinch the noose around her neck with threats and coersion into the KVS Kaper and the NMK crown debacle. she doesn’t freely choose any of it; she’s coerced, manipulated, abused.

and she already got justifiably punished for her bad actions in s1. the torture is almost literal overkill. it’s just……there’s this immediate turnaround in sympathy and view of the character. on first watch, it’s viscerally upsetting to see her getting so brutally punished for actions she already faced consequences for, and on rewatch, it makes your skin crawl to know she’s being tortured for terrible things she had little choice in carrying out. and tortured by some of the very same people who coerced her to behave terribly in the first place, to add insult to injury.

and it’s still fucking frustrating when they rescue her and her memory gets reset and she goes back to her parents because it’s like “well shit, she’s evil again, and we just wasted all that effort for nothing” but it’s also sad cause we know she’s running back to her abusers and she isn’t happy about it but doesn’t feel like she has a choice. and it’s sadder still that what eventually inevitably gets her to turn to good for good (i.e. away from her parents) is just. a full dissociative mental breakdown.

(but then she survives and it’s gonna be good!!! until Adaine dies in her fucking arms. which is. almost funny. she’s been through so much shit and that isn’t something that Brennan would have just. preplanned. like a written in plot point. no, that was just an unpredictable consequence of the battle. what a juicy fucking moment. she’s been through All That Shit™️ and has finally turned to fight for good and her sister just fully dies in front of her. yeowch)

and she turns out okay in the end. she comes out the other side alive and whole and supported by her sister and her friends, with the hope of a future and recovery. there is an acknowledgement that A) she can and will grow from her mistakes and damage, B) it’s going to be really hard, and C) the post-s2 one shots both prove that she’s doing okay now. hell, she has a whole squad now of other former-teenage-villains-turned-good-guys. she has friends now, Ragh and Zayn, with common ground, and a secret handshake and everything. they’ve all grown from the mistakes of their past into better, happier, healthier people

and about Zayn and Ragh. we’ve seen a lot of characters, protagonist and antagonist, teenage and adult, PC and NPC do some really fucked up shit and get punished for it. but why do they get happy endings? why are Aelwyn, Ragh, and Zayn the only members of the RVS and not someone else like Biz or Penelope or Dayne? 

well, the latter two are dead by then; but then again, Biz and Ragh were also killed by the Bad Kids in s1, and subsequently resurrected. (Zayn died too, but was neither killed nor revived at the Bad Kids’ hands, so i’ll get to him in a sec.) and there are plenty of adult antagonists the Bad Kids face who are killed and left that way by the Bad Kids without second thought: Johnny Spells, Coach Daybreak, Captain Wicklaw, the Abernant parents (presuming Arianwen doesn’t survive in the forest for very long, which i doubt). why do some characters get second chances while others don’t?

in the case of Zayn, his death was pretty much out of the Bad Kids’ hands, and they later found out he was manipulated by Daybreak into being bad anyway because of his sad living situation. he was a pretty minor antagonist in the scheme of things, and when we re-meet him as a ghost in the s1 epilogue, he’s pretty obviously remorseful for his actions. and dying seems like a steep enough punishment to me for the shit he did to contribute to the KVX caper; returning as a ghost, free from the trappings of his unfortunate living life, he now has the room and freedom to grow into a better person.

in the cases of Daybreak, Spells, Wicklaw, and the Abernant parents: these are bad people who should know better. these are fully grown adults who actively choose to do evil. whether they think it’s the right thing to do or not (in Daybreak’s case), whether they think it will benefit them and don’t care about anyone else (in the Abernants’ case), or whether they don’t care much at all and are just doing shit because they feel like it (in the cases of Spells and Wicklaw), these are all adults who consciously make the decision to do terrible things and hurt other people. of course Johnny Spells, who is generally a punk thief and thug, is not on the same level of bad as Angwyn, who kidnaps and tortures his own daughters for political gain, but the point remains. these fuckers should know better. they’re grown ups. they had their chances to be good and they chose not to heed them. their minds are set on bad actions and they are a continued danger to other people as long as they are alive. when they die, the Bad Kids do their damndest to make sure it stays that way.

now, in the cases of Penelope and Dayne: these are teenagers who actively chose to participate in an evil plot. Penelope, Dayne, and Biz were all fully cognizant of what they were doing trying to raise KVX back to his former power. why? well, to some extent, we can only speculate. i suspect Penelope was just one of those Regina George bitches who is rich and popular and powerful and obsessed with power and popularity within high school as if that’s the end-all-be-all of existence (which, like, when you’re currently in high school, is a somewhat understandable worldview i think). Dayne being her boyfriend and a musclehead jock probably falls into a similar line of thinking. they are actively and willingly trying to cause harm, and teenager or not, must be stopped. they’re killed, anyway, during the Climactic Battle™️ anyhow; it’s not like the Bad Kids were going to gain anything at that point by keeping them alive.

now, Biz: Biz is the creepy Nice Guy incel type, sees woman as a prize he deserves to win, yadda yadda. he does, like Penelope and Dayne, actively choose to help KVX. there might be something to be said about his motivation the Bad Kids discover after the arcade battle by detecting his thoughts (that being to upload the captured maidens from the palimpsests to “call the shots” himself) is an altered memory; whether this was his original motivation from the start or not, i’m not sure. but the Bad Kids do kill him – and then resurrect him for important, time-sensitive information. and they beat it out of him – he gets two of his fucking fingers blown off. and Riz reattaches them once they have their info, and they realize his memory is altered. of course, the Bad Kids don’t know at this point that the altered memory was something he, Penelope, and Aelwyn had planned and agreed on and done to themselves, but this points to something important in my opinion: the Bad Kids, and the narrative/show as a whole by extension, acknowledge that external manipulation affects how guilty someone is in a crime.

which brings us to Ragh. Ragh, introduced from episode 1 as the meathead jock. Ragh the archetypical one-dimensional high school bully. Ragh who works with the harvestmen in effort to (ostensibly) end the world/provoke international war. Ragh, whose low intelligence but high loyalty and internalized homophobia led him to be fully swayed and blindly led by his coach and captain, who have actively chosen to do evil. Ragh who is killed in combat by the Bad Kids and resurrected for information, not Daybreak. Ragh, who the Bad Kids realize was probably not aware of exactly what he was being made to do and how bad it really was. Ragh, who by their kindness in sparing his life and directing him on a better path, becomes a well-rounded character and an active ally to the Bad Kids during and after prom, an invaluable companion during their quest in sophomore year, and overall a really good friend and person. 

(it might also be worth considering the case of Jawbone here, too, who started out a very minor antagonist in a fight but ended up becoming a major NPC because the Bad Kids talked to him, found out he came from an unfortunate situation and set of circumstances, and showed him kindness in offering the school guidance counselor position, a kindness that isn’t really owed but given anyway and ends up changing his entire life for good.)

and then, Aelwyn, whose case is already discussed above. so, why is the RVS what it is, why them but not others?

if you’re familiar with Avatar: the Last Airbender, you’re probably familiar with Zuko’s character arc, and how it’s often lauded as a masterful example of developing a villain into a hero over the course of a narrative. what makes Zuko’s arc so well done and exceptional is that he starts out as a kid in a bad situation under the influence of bad adults seeking to do bad deeds, but he later realizes the error of those ways, actively removes himself from that situation despite the difficulty and danger in doing so, goes through a lot of shit and reflects on his past mistakes and learns from them, and then actively chooses to fight for good in the end with the help of close, trusted friends, found family. 

this, i believe, is the same in the case of Fantasy High and its treatment of the RVS. its members, like Zuko, are all teenagers who came from shitty situations and were manipulated by evil adults to do bad. they are punished for their bad actions, and they learn from their errors and mistakes. with the kindness and help of good people, friends and chosen family, they are able to escape their abusers and bad situations and grow into their own people. and they actively choose to improve themselves with that help and fight for good.

Fantasy High, through the arcs of Jawbone, Zayn, Ragh, and especially Aelwyn, asserts that it is not your fault if you come from a bad situation and are forced to behave badly as a result. it does not pretend that you are absolved of any responsibility for those actions; quite the opposite, as even though they were externally manipulated into their evil actions, all of those mentioned characters face tangible consequences for their actions and later express remorse for their mistakes. but Fantasy High also asserts that even if you have made great mistakes in your past, even if you came from a bad situation beyond your control, even if you were manipulated and abused, with care and love and support and a hell of a lot of work and effort, you can improve your situation and find good, happiness, peace, you can thrive. evil adults who should know better don’t get redeemed. teenagers who aren’t coerced but actively choose evil don’t get redeemed. but abused kids deserve another shot at happiness. with enough work, and some love and help along the way, they can get there, even from the lowest imaginable point, from rock fucking buttom. it’s possible. 

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 17 For Candia (Part 2)--Mini Recap

Hey guys. It’s been a bit, huh?

I haven’t been on Tumblr a bunch lately because I’ve been busy as hell irl for a lot of reasons, but I also hate to leave a thing undone, especially when it’s so close to being done. So I decided to provide at least some level of closure for anyone who might have stumbled across these with no access to the ep and really wants to know how the story ends.

Maybe I’ll do a proper recap at some point but, for now, let’s wrap things up.

This episode is basically a series of Boss Fights standing in for the more significant but less interesting final battle going on in which the Rocks Family face off against all the Important NPCs.

Amethar and Joren together waste Grissini, Amethar saying that he might have been good to Jet, but he’s fighting for the wrong side. (Joren goes down but it’s never really resolved whether he survives or not. I feel like he probably did considering Liam’s epilogue.)

Ally gets their obligatory Nat 20 to intimidate Keradin for the rest of the fight by greatly shaking his faith in the Bulb before icing him. Then he sees the Pontifex watching the fight from the wall of the keep and makes a beeline. 

Amethar, likewise, sees Cal running across the castle wall and breaks from his unit to go after him.

Ciabatta shows up and I am reminded in the absolute DOPEST way that Ruby never used her watersteel dagger. “In sweetness there is strength, bitch.” Ciabatta is toast. 

White flags start to go up. 

Liam catches up to the Pontifex, does the insane amounts of damage that’s just like par for the course for him at this point, and drops her, taking St. Citrina’s Book. 

Cal tries to make for a secret tunnel to escape but Cumulus blocks his path. Amethar blocks him off from the other side. “What’s the last part of my title? Say it.” Cal, being forced to kneel by Cumulus, acknowledges his “Unfallen” title (throwing a man w/ the title “the Unfallen” off a roof and not checking to see if he’s dead is the very height or hubris. That’s some, “Not even God can sink this ship” levels of asking for it) and then attacks. Amethar gets 4 attacks back and his last is a Nat 20, activating Payment Day’s special ability: On a Nat 20 against someone who has killed a member of Amethar’s family? That person instantly dies. Boom. Fight is over just like that. Piece of cake. 

With all the Big Bads dead, the fight is more or less over other than logistics. Or at least it would be if Brennan didn’t have some mind games up his sleeves. As the fight is winding down, Ruby and Rina lock eyes and they both know they have a moment to turn the tide in their favor in their little cold war by attacking the other and striking first. Out of game, Brennan makes Siobhan and Emily decide secretly on slips of paper whether they each want to attack or show compassion. It’s a classic prisoner’s dilemma setup. If they both play nice, it’s golden. If they both attack, it’s even. If you play nice and get betrayed, you’re screwed. 

But like...it’s D20. It’s the Game of Thrones season of D20 but it’s still D20. 

They choose compassion, both of them. 

“Saccharina, you’re an astonishing leader, but I can’t be your subject. But please, I would like to be your sister,” Ruby says, and Siobhan keeps her perfect track record of taking me out in every finale. 

Rina has her guys stand down (to Swifty’s dismay). Ruby tells a skeptical Cara to stand down and choose family (which she does, snapped out of her paranoia by Ruby’s brave move).

Brennan’s attempt at PvP thwarted, Amethar swears on the Book of Leaves that he was named Emperor and Primsy--who is here in too for some reason--recognizes the claim. That leaves the recently (forcibly) vacated throne of Castle Candy to Rina. Which is great for her because Liam remembers the wish seed and uses it to just quadruple Candia in size, the absolute madman. 

We get epilogues! Liam becomes Master Gardener (and also casually says that he brought back the Pontifex and Kerradin to jail them which is wild because that’s not a spell that exists in this world--Ally just brute forced it in in the last second in a line so poetic that Brennan was just forced to let it happen). Cumulus takes a break from snapping chicken’s necks. Theo gets laid. Rina and Ruby do the sister thing and Ruby joins the circus for a while. Cinnamon becomes a vegetarian which mellows out his constant hunger. And Amethar enjoys time with his newly expanded family. For the first time in a while, things are looking sweet. 

A Few Notes

I’m going to fight the editor who had me worried about the “family is exposed” clip all season for the exact wrong reason. But also, gold star. Well played.  

Lol at Brennan not even getting his PvP in the GOT season w/ a prisoner’s dilemma. Like, give it up dude. Watch next season start in media res during a fight to the death to force everyones’ hands. 

On the same topic, very funny that the previous episode it was like, “Loyalties tested! Lines drawn!” and then this episode Theo was like, “Come on guys you shoulda just talked to me. I would never betray you.” It’s like he just wanted to have a dramatic moment. 

MVP this ep is Ruby with the watersteel dagger imo. Like everyone had their moment. And Amethar w/ that Nat 20 was dope but you were kind of waiting for that all season. But I totally forgot Ruby had that dagger. I, like, verbally cheered when she pulled it out. 

I haven’t watched the last AP or the behind the scenes special so I don’t know that much about unseen characters besides what I’ve glimpsed on Twitter/Tumblr but Amand Maillard looks very dope. 

I wish we’d gotten to know more about Citrina. Like I get that if you dump these players in a world, they’re gonna wanna take down The Man and often The Man is The Church and the Pontifex *did* need to go but sometimes people are just Good and I dug her (Citrina’s) vibe in the flashback we got.

I can’t believe Siobhan got me with the “Be my sister/Let me be your sister” stuff in back to back seasons. You’d think I would have developed some resistance in the intervening months. Nope! Weak as ever baybee!  

One Final Thing

One of the reasons I’ve been so busy lately is I’ve been working on my podcast*, Absolutely No Adventures, which is dropping in a tiny bit over a month. The trailer drops on Sunday so if you wanna check that out when it’s out, you can follow the show’s Twitter (@noadventurespod)! I’ll also link it here as my pinned post once it’s up. I hope some of y’all check it out! 

*ONE of my podcasts but one announcement at a time.

[rubyrockz]

Episode 12, Rescue at Buzzybrook-Raw Thoughts -Never gonna get over how awesome that intro is ⁃They’re no mad at him anymore! Yay! ⁃Man, they are really crammed into that building. ⁃”You all have plus 20” DAMN. Yeah, that didn’t sound right ⁃I always forget everything relates back to food. Sucrose... sugar... god damn. ⁃Is that a flatbread pizza on that table near the food? That is so cute ⁃This game is so intense but the sets are just so cute. ⁃Sister helping sister. Like any little sister, of course Ruby would hate it. ⁃Consent is hot ⁃”Liam, you don’t know what hot is” 😂 ⁃But she sounds so dead inside and I hate it. I get it, but i hate it. ⁃Stealth checks in the 30s up in here! ⁃Emily has too many lovers to keep them straight ⁃There’s too many characters to keep track of them all ⁃Big difference between a 19 and 30 something, Liam ⁃I always liked Grissini... ⁃IS THAT LIAMS MOTHER ⁃”...even though everyone been really mean to me”, I mean, it’s valid. A few of them have been mean to her, but it’s a difficult situationz ⁃Also Siobhans facial expression right then was perfect ⁃”Message Liam and message Jet”, oh honey. ⁃Locket and dice buddies!! ⁃So many matching rolls today ⁃”Too much of an asshole if he killed him in the surprise round right?” Never underestimate the DM ⁃The Italians are back ⁃Damn, Theo has a high AC. 21? ⁃Theo just always is there to save the Rocks family, huh. (excluding jet) ⁃Liam is sorta scary. He really is an assassin ⁃This is the game of thrones season! ⁃The amount of math you ha r to do when Liam first attacks makes my head hurt ⁃I feel so bad for Brennan, he looks so defeated. ⁃Honestly, Brennan might starting trying to off Liam simply Because he’s too powerful ⁃Like.... 84!?!?? Damage!?! ⁃Sad to say, but Prestons death was the best thing that ever happened to Liam combat wise ⁃If Ruby doesn’t end up meeting the Swirled sisters by the end of this I’m going to be so sad ⁃Wait if Saccharina is a cleric she has heals! A tempest domain cleric may not concentrate on healing, but they still get healing spells. ⁃Honestly this should be called “The season of multi-classing” ⁃... And Saccharina joins Liam in ‘Characters who screw Brennan’ over. Theo has a spot as well. ⁃Everyone does like Saccharina now!! ⁃Brennan says that like a crazed man. ⁃Liam made a man think his doppelgänger tried to kill him! ⁃This episode has me laughing so hard!!! ⁃And Ruby technically misses Saccharina being awesome doesn’t she? Since she’s in the attic ⁃Is the only bad thing Constano Grissini did be a ceresian/imperial solider? He’s just doing his job, right? He’s like the Theo of Ceresia. ⁃I really love Liam just torturing that onion man. ⁃One of these days, Liam is going to roll a nat 1 on stealth. ⁃That freaking lighting bolt was so amazing. They were all in a line!!! ⁃🎵Cumulous in a hole, Cumulous in a hole 🎵 ⁃ITS A CORN CUTIE!!!! AH❤️ ⁃I love swifty ⁃This is a really long battle. It just feels really long ⁃Liam is amazing!!! ⁃Ally!! They just.... they crit. All. The. Time!!! ⁃The battle started out so good, but it’s starting to look bad. ⁃I feel like we’re going to lose Theo or someone. ⁃Someone, at least is going to not make it to the portal. ⁃I’m so glad ruby managed to get the plans and stuff from the tent ⁃Amethar being a good dad!❤️ ⁃I REALLY WANTED JOREN TO SAY THAT!!! ⁃Next week is gonna be fun!!

[corkcitylibraries]

Ireland Reads | 10 BorrowBox Picks for Children and Young Adult Readers

by Jordan McCarthy

The Ireland Reads day offers the perfect opportunity for every kind of reader to celebrate the magical gift of reading. Regular readers, new readers and those who are about to rediscover the wonders and joys of reading, can enrich their lives during a time when our daily routines need it more than ever.

While our libraries may be closed, the online resource, BorrowBox, is one of the real gems being offered by libraries during lockdown. More and more readers are using the platform which has thousands upon thousands of wonderful eAudiobooks and eBooks.

And better yet, this online service, like all the others offered by Cork City Libraries, is free to all library members. If you haven’t yet joined, you can do this for free at www.librariesireland.ie/join-your-library.

Whatever we choose to read or listen to this month, we know that we are nourishing our health and wellbeing in doing so. The possibilities a good book – or magazine, comic, newspaper or whatever you choose to read - can bring to our lives are endless.

“If you don’t like to read, you haven’t found the right book.” – J.K. Rowling’

Below are ten of the top picks currently available on the Children’s and Young Adult section of BorrowBox. Like all great kids’ books, they will prove gripping and engaging for many adult readers, too.

So, squeeze in a read this month. You can find out more about the Ireland Reads initiative by visiting irelandreads.ie. And don’t forget to pledge your reading time!

  Long Way Down  by Jason Reynolds - Young Adult

(Available on eBook and eAudiobook)

‘‘Now

I’m wishing I would’ve

laughed more

at his dumb jokes

because the day

before yesterday,

Shawn was shot

and killed.’’

This remarkable Y.A. thriller is set over the course of 60 seconds. Written in lyrical, verse-like prose, it tells the tale of a revenge-seeking William, whose brother has been shot dead.

But when Will sets out to get his revenge, some ghosts from his past appear in the elevator on his way down to the ground floor.  Will he go ahead with his murderous plan?

There’s a sense of urgency in this fast-paced novel, though he soon realises; it is a ‘long way down’ from the 8th to the ground floor.

  Hero On A Bicycle by Shirley Hughes – Children (10+)

(Available on eBook and eAudiobook)

‘‘He stopped and slung his bicycle against a nearby wall to get his breath back and consider the situation. At that moment someone came up silently behind him and clapped a strong hand over his mouth.’’

Set in Florence, Italy during World War II, this is historical fiction at its finest. The Allies are closing in on Nazi-occupied Florence and 14 year-old Paolo has been taking secret bike rides late every night to beat the boredom of life under curfew. He misses his dad – an anti-Fascist who is in hiding - and rues the fact that he is too young to join the military.

However, when Paolo receives a frightening message on his way home from one of his late-night treks, he suddenly becomes involved in the thick of the action. Can he become the hero during his hometown’s greatest time of need?

This is an excellent novel, which captures one family’s struggles during war.

Not suitable for younger children, some upsetting themes.

   Zom-B; Underground  by Darren Shan – Young Adult

(eAudiobook)

‘‘Can you hold on to your humanity when you're a monster....’’

This fantasy-horror, dystopian novel by the ‘Master of Horror’ is book two in the Zom-B series.

B Smith is the main protagonist in this story, which is set during a zombie apocalypse. When she wakes up in a laboratory-style military camp, ‘B’ learns that she has become ‘Zom-B’.

Can she meet the demands of her captors or is she doomed?

Will she be a monster forever?

  The Dog Who Lost His Bark by  Eoin Colfer – Children

(eAudiobook)

‘‘In his short doggy life, Oz has suffered at the hands of BAD PEOPLE. Somewhere out there, he believes, is an AWESOME BOY – his BOY. Maybe when they find each other he will learn to BARK again ...’’

Patrick comes from a very musical family and he has wanted a pet dog for a very long time. When he rescues an abandoned puppy on his summer holidays, he calls him Oz, and so begins a strong friendship between a boy and a dog – at least that’s what we hope!

Oz is a nervous little creature and he can’t bark, or at least he doesn’t bark when he moves to his new home. Will he ever bark again? Maybe the musical family will be able to get him barking again!

This heart-warming children’s tale, from the creator of the Artemis Fowl series, shows how important music can be in the healing process.

  Rugby Spirit by Gerard Siggins - Children

(eAudiobook)

‘‘A new school, a new sport, an old mystery ... the first instalment in Gerard Siggins’ beloved and bestselling Rugby Spirit series.’’

Eoin Madden is the grandson of a legendary Irish rugby player. When he starts a new school in Dublin, leaving behind his GAA playing days in Tipperary, his rugby adventure begins.

In Casterock College, rugby is everything! But Eoin has never even held a rugby ball before. And the bully, Richie Duffy, is making his life even more difficult. Can Eoin make an impact in his very first season on a school rugby team?

This is one for fans of sport and fiction. It provides lots of insight into the game of rugby, too.

   Once by Morris Gleitzman – Children

(Available on eBook and eAudiobook)

‘‘Once I saved a girl called Zelda from a burning house.

Once I made a Nazi with toothache laugh.

My name is Felix.

This is my story.’’

Once is the first book in Morris Gleitzman’s Felix and Zelda series. Set during the Second World War, this novel is a tale of hope, friendship and survival.

Felix is in a Catholic orphanage in Poland in 1942. The son of Jewish booksellers, he fears that the Nazi’s are burning Jewish books and believes that his parents’ store could be next.

The young Jewish boy departs the orphanage, longing to find his mum and dad, and to warn them about the Nazis. Felix soon discovers that his hometown has changed utterly. A race for survival ensues.

Not suitable for younger, some upsetting themes

   Sabrina; Season Of the Witch by Sarah Rees-Brennan – Young Adult

(eAudiobook)

‘‘To be a witch is to kiss the moon.’’

Inspired by the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, this fantasy novel is a prequel to that Netflix series. It is the story of what went before the "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" show.

Sabrina is half-mortal, half-witch. Before she turns 16, and becomes full-powered, she realises how scared she is of joining the dark side and leaving her mortal life behind.

Can she discard her boyfriend Harvey, and her other mortal friends? This is her origin story; a spooky adventure for fans of the Sabrina series.

   Ultimate Football Heroes; Rashford  by M & T Oldfield - Children

(Available on eBook and eAudiobook)

‘‘When the referee blew his whistle, Marcus started his well-practiced penalty routine:

Four little shuffles to the left,

then short steps forward to try to fool the keeper, and then BANG!’’

The Ultimate Football Heroes series is a biographical story of the life of a star footballer. It charts the rise of some of world football’s biggest names, from the playground to the pitch.

Marcus Rashford is one of the most exciting players in the English Premier League. The Manchester United star has been one of the standout stories over the last year, with his campaign to keep free school meals available for children in the UK.

In Rashford, we learn about the life of Marcus – from when he would watch Man Utd playing on TV as a baby, to scoring important Champions League goals for the Red Devils.

A fast-paced story, full of action, it is one for all the family to enjoy. Others in the series include Kane and Delli Alli, which are available on BorrowBox.  

   Slam! You’re Gonna Wanna Hear This by Nikita Gill – Young Adult

(eBook)

‘‘Poetry is the language of Fire, Fury and Freedom,’’ says Nikita Gill.

Slam! is a collection of poems performed at ‘slams’, or spoken word competitions. It features established and emerging voices, with themes such as home, kin, protest and desire among those in the collection.

Slam! highlights the importance of poetry for the times we live in. It provides an ideal introduction into modern poetry and is a terrific publication.

   The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien – Children

(Available on eBook and eAudiobook)

‘‘In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.’’

J.R.R. Tolkien’s classic fantasy novel is the prequel to his Lord of the Rings saga. Tolkien wrote the story for his own children before it was published into a worldwide bestseller. First published over 80 years ago, it continues to be enjoyed by young and old.

This otherworldly tale features the hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, who has been recruited as a burglar by Gandalf for an epic quest. Expect trolls, goblins, dwarves, elves, giant spiders, and the dragon, Smaug, as Bilbo and the gang make their way across Middle Earth in search of treasure.

[aion-rsa]

Psych: The Essential Episode Guide

https://ift.tt/32iOkA8

As a TV series, Psych is like one of those frozen yogurt chains where the wall is ringed with different flavors and you can keep pulling levers for whatever combination you want. There are the Shawn/Gus episodes, the “Shawn’s psychic lie is threatened” episodes, the increasingly genius and lovingly rendered (often ‘80s-tastic) tributes, and the ensemble classics where the whole cast is just a well-oiled machine after years of riffing off one another. You can have whatever flavor you want. And don’t even get me started on toppings (there’s gotta be pineapple, at the very least).

Over its eight-year run, Psych interrogated its own premise, built out its supporting cast, let its characters play their favorite movie characters, and adapted its own internal mythology into trilogies that would make any movie-buff weep with appreciation. Here is a baker’s dozen of the most giggle-worthy, self-referential, surprisingly dramatic episodes of Psych. (And with so many to choose from, your favorite flavor combinations might be different from mine—share your own best episodes in the comments!)

Season 2 Episode 1: “American Duos”

Once the show had had a season under its belt of the fake-psychic shtick, the writers and actors got to really start playing in the sandbox they’d created. The second-season premiere has it all: a pop culture riff on a certain popular reality show competition; Tim Curry and Gina Gershon going above and beyond in their parodies of Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul; and Shawn and Gus giving a truly spectacular mashup performance as Curt Smith and Michael Jackson.

Season 2 Episode 3: “Psy vs. Psy”

I’m a sucker for the episodes where Shawn might have to come clean about his big fat lie. Season 2 poked at that possibility early on, with a counterfeit case that brings in government agent Lars Ewing (Lou Diamond Phillips) and female psychic Lindsay Leiken (Bianca Kajlich). Not only does Lars ruffle Lassiter’s feathers and get Jules hot and bothered, but Lindsay seems to be a lot more intuitive than Shawn—to the point where the SBPD may be looking to replace their consultant. Shawn has a knack for making things harder for himself, but the situations in which he has to actually fight his way out are always rewarding.

Season 2 Episode 13: “Lights, Camera… Homicidio”

The second season really cemented the series’ delight in its own ridiculousness—not just in the bizarre cases, but in how Shawn and Gus (and the rest of the SBPD) react to them. This week, it was an accidental murder via botched prop knife on the set of Explosión Gigantesca de Romance, Gus’ (and Henry’s) favorite telenovela, that really highlighted Psych’s embrace of the absurd. While doing his psychic thing, Shawn gets “discovered” enough to play the sexy delivery guy, who becomes a beloved character in his own right… only to learn for himself how badly the show’s fans blur the lines between characters and actors. Though not as outright meta as the tribute episodes, it still was wonderfully self-aware about the pitfalls of emotionally investing in fictional characters.

Season 4 Episode 5: “Shawn Gets the Yips”

This episode is a bit of a bait-and-switch in that Shawn having the yips (about baseball, not being a psychic) doesn’t really impact the plot, which starts with a shooting at a known cop bar and culminates in a commentary on the police force not properly punishing drug lords who sell opioids. The subplot about the drug lord supposedly targeting SBPD members is a bit of a red herring for the more nuanced twist about the cost of the opioid epidemic, but it contains one of my favorite moments, in which Shawn unintentionally gets a great workout because he believes that the message on his water bottle (your heart rate drops below 150, you die) is a threat. Just a solid mid-series episode.

Season 4 Episode 16: “Mr. Yin Presents…”

Just like with Bones, Psych really came into its own when it mixed the laughs with actual life-or-death stakes—and in both cases, that was thanks to a serial killer obsessed with our protagonist. Season 3 ended on “An Evening with Mr. Yang,” which introduced Ally Sheedy (one of many, many famous cameos) as the eponymous serial killer who kidnapped Shawn’s mother to get closer to him. But with her locked away and more artfully arranged kills discovered, the SBPD have to confront that Yang might have a Yin—which of course spawns a trilogy. 

Read more

Movies

Psych 2: Lassie Come Home Review

By Natalie Zutter

TV

Psych 2: Lassie Come Home Stars on Hitchcock Homages and Special Reunions

By Natalie Zutter

The Empire Strikes Back of the Yin/Yang saga is my personal favorite, though I highly recommend watching all three. The team’s introduction to Yang’s twisted mentor is through his love of Alfred Hitchcock movies: He casts each of them in an iconic role while leading them on a wild goose chase through Santa Barbara, ending at a movie set mashup and presenting Shawn with an impossible choice between saving girlfriend Abigail or Juliet. The latter has one of her most powerful moments, stoically accepting her death while suspended from a clock and later breaking down in Lassiter’s arms. Her PTSD remains through the Yin/Yang saga, another sign of the series’ maturity as it explores the ripple effect of its more dramatic plots.

Season 6 Episode 2: “Last Night Gus”

While Shawn and Gus are the series OTP, part of the show’s beauty has been in building up its other bromances. This spoof of The Hangover has Shawn, Gus, Lassiter, and Woody waking up in the Psych offices with no memory of their antics the night before, but plenty of incriminating clues tying them to a dead body. Their attempt to solve the mystery of how they got so memory-obliteratingly drunk has them encountering a sweet gay bartender couple, a murdered donut mascot, and a hot girl who’s very into Last Night Gus… if only he knew what he did. In addition to riffing superbly on the movie, the episode is a fun commentary on our present selves solving the mysteries of our past personas.

Season 7 Episode 5: “100 Clues”

I managed to watch this without realizing what the Psych crew was going for, so the moment that Shawn and Gus pulled up in the Blueberry to a mansion in a rainy homage to Clue, I was squealing harder than Gus at the notion of a secret chocolate room. For the series’ 100th episode, they lovingly parodied the perfect locked-mansion murder mystery, with killer cameos from Lesley Warren, Christopher Lloyd, and Martin Mull (plus little nods to the Clue alums who couldn’t be there, like Eileen Brennan). From the Singing Telegram Girl to the secret passageways, only true fans could achieve this level of detail—a perfect landmark celebration.

Season 7 Episode 7: “Deez Nups”

The sign of a great ensemble series is that they can make the standard, super-tropey wedding episode feel fresh again. It helps that it’s Lassiter’s nuptials, and everyone wants to see the guy happy, which is what leads to Shawn, Gus, and Woody kidnapping the detective for a bachelor party, while Juliet and the Chief get roped into being Marlowe’s bachelorette buddies. The threat of a mob boss taking revenge on Lassie takes a backseat to such wedding fare as Vick getting weepy-drunk on shots and McNab popping up as a police stripper (I cackled at the payoff of his Chekhov’s tearaway pants). Just like with a real-life wedding, when you know the people involved, it feels special and unique. (There is also a gross, transphobic joke about a stripper, one of the aspects of Psych that did not age well.)

Season 7 Episode 8: “Right Turn or Left for Dead”

Tribute episodes are Psych’s bread and butter, but rarely do they advance the plot as effectively and emotionally as this riff on Sliding Doors. After Juliet finds out that Shawn has been lying about being a psychic, which makes her believe that everything about their relationship has been a lie, Shawn indulges in a fantasy in which he’s 1990s Gwyneth Paltrow (naturally) pondering the diverging paths of whether Jules does or doesn’t discover the truth. 

The story immediately splits into two takes on the same case, but in one she’s a Jane Doe and in the other Shawn actually has a chance to save her… only to discover that her life path was already set in stone after an abusive childhood. Even with subtle moments of humor that highlight the parallel universes’ differences in solving cases, overall the episode is a study in how one choice has ramifications far beyond the initial action—a lesson Shawn needed to learn, in the penultimate season.

Season 7 Episode 11: “Office Space”

If the boys trying to cover their tracks in “Last Night Gus” was worth a few giggles, Gus and Shawn tampering with a murder scene and then trying to clean their hands of it in this episode is the kind of laughter that hurts. When Gus publicly confronts his abusive boss, only for the man to wind up offed and poor Guster very incriminated. The sequence in which they hysterically stumble their way through the crime scene is worth watching alone; but as evidence mounts and it looks like they could actually be caught in the crosshairs, the levels of ingenuity to which they’re pushed shows why this is the show’s best partnership.

Season 8 Episode 1: “Lock, Stock, Some Smoking Barrels and Burton Guster’s Goblet of Fire”

This is the episode that got me back into the show after years of casual viewing: a mashup of Guy Ritchie and Harry Potter that manages to add a whole new layer to one of Psych’s best recurring characters, refined art thief Pierre Desperaux (Cary Elwes) while giving him a proper send-off.

Like the Yin/Yang trilogy, the entire Desperaux quartet is worth watching for the heists, the Indiana Jones lampooning, and especially for his continued double-crossing of his greatest fan Shawn. But this one takes the cake because it adds a new layer to the Desperaux mythology: He’s actually Royston Staley, an Interpol agent who went undercover as a gentleman thief. Or is he?? Plus, add in the runner about poor Gus in his Hogwarts robes just trying to make it to PotterCon, and you have a near-perfect episode.

Season 8 Episode 3: “Remake, A.K.A. Cloudy… WIth a Chance of Murder”

What better way to mark your final season than by remaking one of your season 1 episodes? What’s incredible about Psych is how many different ways it goes meta, but there was something especially entertaining about its remake of season 1, episode 12 “Cloudy… With a Chance of Murder.” With periodic reminders that this episode is set in 2006, it recasts almost all of the characters—a teacher accused of killing a local weatherman, the lawyer for the prosecution (Ralph Macchio)—and makes space for new jokes (about remakes and My Cousin Vinny) and new twists. All long-running series should get a chance to try and redo their early episodes after they’ve gelled their characters and dynamics.

Season 8 Episode 10: “The Break-Up”

After trying to make their long-distance relationship work, Shawn decides to move to San Francisco to be with Juliet, a far easier choice than actually breaking the news to Gus. Of course the Psych series finale would be about these two facing the end of their partnership. Specifically, Shawn’s inability to say goodbye, so instead he and Gus wind up investigating a case involving special guest star Billy Zane, careening around in their high-school drivers ed car, and competing with SBPD’s peppy new detective Betsy Brannigan (Mira Sorvino). When none of this helps Shawn come out with the truth, he does so through DVD—a whole batch of DVDs, tailored to each of his colleagues and dear friends. Because Shawn loves telling a story.

There’s no better end for Shawn and Gus than a bromantic one, complete with driving cross-state (albeit turning back 12 times), dramatic declaration of love (at a crime scene), and pledging their lives together before Shawn actually proposes to Juliet (as a formality). And it’s not just about them: The finale has sweet moments of closure for new junior detective McNab (aww) and especially Lassiter, who finally gets Shawn’s confession—then breaks the DVD. If the Psych movies had never happened, it would have been enough; but instead, it’s the sugary-sweet end of one chapter and the opening of another.

The post Psych: The Essential Episode Guide appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3eun9Vm

[darkcolinodonorgasm]

Character ask: Alice Jones?

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite

I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER!!!

My baby, my Starfish, my love! It must be the Jones genes, I apparently can’t hate them - no, not you, Brennan, don’t even try.

She’s... wonderful. I’ve always been in love with Alice in Wonderland, and I loved OUAT in Wonderland so much I was a bit afraid about them bringing another version of it in season 7. How wrong I was!

Her past, her bond with her father, her cursed self, just her, I love her.

(Soooo repetitive lol)

There’s nothing I hate about her, honestly, aside from her egg donor, but you know, I do what I do with Henry and suddenly, she’s Emma’s daughter and I’m much more happy with that. Hell, she’s the perfect mix of Emma and Killian, and I honestly wanted her to be so. I don’t care if she isn’t, and I’m glad they didn’t go down the already seen route in which hated mother becomes loved mother by the abused kid. So. Glad. Me thinking she’s Emma’s daughter is also a way to cope with yet another male rape which consequences have not been faced - the fact that the (b)witch died doesn’t mean I’m over it. And it doesn’t diminish my love for Knightrook, if anything, it strengthens it.

[tuseriesdetv]

Guía de series: Estrenos y regresos de mayo 2020

Tenemos mucha suerte de seguir más tiempo con el confinamiento, así podremos disfrutar con calma de todas estas series y de todas las que tengamos atrasadas. Además, hay mucha comedia entre las novedades.

¡Feliz mayo!

Leyenda:

Verde: series nuevas

Negro: regresos de otras series

Naranja: miniseries o series documentales

Amarillo: tv movies, documentales, especiales o pilotos

Morado: season finales

Púrpura: midseason finales

*

Calendario de series

1 de mayo:

Hollywood (1T completa), Into the Night (1T completa), Casi feliz (1T completa), Mrs. Serial Killer, The Half of It y All Day and a Night en Netflix 

Trying (1T) en Apple TV+ 

Betty (1T) en HBO

Upload (1T completa) y Amaia: Una vuelta al Sol en Amazon

Charmed (2T finale) en The CW 

3 de mayo: 

Billions (5T) en Showtime

Rick & Morty (4bT completa) en Hulu

Good Witch (6T) en Hallmark

Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (1T finale) y Good Girls (3T finale) en NBC 

4 de mayo:

Reno 911 (7T) en Quibi

The Neighborhood (2T finale) y Bull (4T finale) en CBS 

5 de mayo: 

The A Word (3T) en BBC One

El ministerio del tiempo (4T) en TVE

Natalie Wood: What Remains Behind en HBO 

The Conners (2T finale), Bless This Mess (2T finale) y Mixed-ish (1T finale) en ABC 

6 de mayo:

Becoming en Netflix

SEAL Team (3T finale) en CBS

Riverdale (4T finale) en The CW 

7 de mayo:

Blindspot (5T y última) en NBC

Brassic (2T completa) en Sky

Bruh (1T) en BET+ 

8 de mayo:

Dead to Me (2T completa), The Eddy (1T completa), Valeria (1T completa) y 18 regali en Netflix

Solar Opposites (1T completa) en Hulu

Madres (1T completa) en Amazon

Dynasty (3T finale) en The CW

MacGyver (4T finale) en CBS

10 de mayo:

I Know This Much Is True en HBO

The Rookie (2T finale) en ABC

11 de mayo: 9-1-1 (3T finale) en FOX

12 de mayo:

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: Kimmy vs. The Reverend (especial interactivo) en Netflix

The Flash (6T finale) en The CW

13 de mayo:

The Wrong Missy en Netflix

American Housewife (4T finale), Single Parents (2T finale) y Schooled (2T finale) en ABC

14 de mayo:

Station 19 (4T finale) y How to Get Away with Murder (series finale) en ABC

Katy Keene (1T finale) en The CW

15 de mayo:

The Great (1T completa) en Hulu

La unidad (1T completa) en Movistar+

White Lines (1T completa) y Chichipatos (1T completa) en Netflix

The Blacklist (7T finale) en NBC

17 de mayo:

Hightown (1T) en Starz

Snowpiercer (1T) en TNT

The Simpsons (31T finale), Bob's Burgers (10T finale) y Duncanville (1T finale) en FOX

18 de mayo:

Stargirl (1T) en DC Universe

Dead Still (1T) en Acorn TV

19 de mayo: Sweet Magnolias (1T) en Netflix

20 de mayo:

The 100 (7T y última) en The CW

SWAT (3T finale) en CBS

Motherland: Fort Salem (1T finale) en Freeform

22 de mayo:

Control Z (1T completa), The Lovebirds y Survive the Night en Netflix

Homecoming (2T completa) en Amazon 

25 de mayo:

Barkskins en National Geographic

Grant en History

27 de mayo:

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (7T y última) en ABC 

Love Life (1T) y On The Record en HBO Max

Grant en History

29 de mayo:

Space Force (1T completa) en Netflix

Ramy (2T completa) en Hulu

Central Park (1T) en Apple TV+

Defending Jacob (1T finale) en Apple TV+ 

*

Estrenos de series

Hollywood (Netflix)

Descrita como una provocativa e incisiva carta de amor a la edad de oro de Hollywood, sigue a un grupo de aspirantes a actores y directores que intentan triunfar sin importar el precio después de la Segunda Guerra Mundial, y muestra y examina los injustos sistemas y prejuicios basados en raza, género o sexualidad y las dinámicas de poder que continúan hasta hoy y cómo se vería la industria del entretenimiento si hubieran desaparecido. Con Darren Criss (Glee, American Crime Story), David Corenswet (The Politician), Samara Weaving (SMILF, Ready or Not), Jeremy Pope (Choir Boy, Ain't Too Proud), Laura Harrier (Spider-Man: Homecoming, BlacKkKlansman), Patti LuPone (Pose, Penny Dreadful), Holland Taylor (Two and a Half Men, Mr. Mercedes), Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory, The Normal Heart), Dylan McDermott (American Horror Story, The Politician), Queen Latifah (Chicago, Hairspray), Maude Apatow (Euphoria, Girls), Joe Mantello (The Normal Heart), Jake Picking (Patriots Day, Dirty Grandpa), Mira Sorvino (Mighty Aphrodite, Condor), Rob Reiner (All in the Family, New Girl), Harriet Harris (Desperate Housewives, Frasier) y Michelle Krusiec (The Invitation, Hawaii Five-0).

Creada por Ryan Murphy (Feud, American Crime Story) junto a Ian Brennan (Glee, Scream Queens). Diez episodios.

Estreno: 1 de mayo Estreno en España: 1 de mayo en Netflix España

Trying (Apple TV+)

Todo lo que quieren Nikki (Esther Smith; Cuckoo, Uncle) y Jason (Rafe Spall; Roadies, The Big Short) es un hijo, la única cosa que no pueden tener, así que deciden adoptar. Conociendo a sus disfuncionales amigos, sus excéntricas familias y sus caóticas vidas, ¿estará de acuerdo el comité con la adopción? El reparto cuenta con Imelda Staunton (Harry Potter, Pride), Daren Boyd (Fortitude, Lucky Man), Jackie Mouzo, Robyn Cara (Life), Jonathan Rhodes y Phil Davis (Poldark, Riviera).

Comedia escrita por Andy Wolton y dirigida por Jim O'Hanlon (Catastrophe, Inside No. 9). Ocho episodios.

Estreno: 1 de mayo Estreno en España: 1 de mayo en Apple TV+ España

Betty (HBO)

Comedia inspirada en la película Skate Kitchen (2018) que se centra en un grupo de chicas de Nueva York que practican skateboarding. Repiten en sus papeles Rachelle Vinberg, Nina Moran, Kabrina Adams, Dede Lovelace y Ajani Russell.

Creada, escrita y producida por Crystal Moselle (Skate Kitchen) y Lesley Arfin (Love). Dirigida por Moselle. Seis episodios.

Estreno: 1 de mayo

Estreno: 2 de mayo en HBO España

Upload (Amazon)

Sitcom en la que Nora (Andy Allo, Pitch Perfect 3) es una trabajadora de atención al cliente en un ambiente de realidad virtual en el que puede vivir la gente después de morir y al que llega Nathan (Robbie Amell; The Flash, A Series of Unfortunate Events) tras sufrir un accidente de coche.

Con Kevin Bigley (Sirens, The Moodys), Allegra Edwards (Briarpatch), Zainab Johnson (American Koko), Elizabeth Bowen (Fargo, No Tomorrow), William B Davis (Continuum, The X-Files) y Owen Daniels (Space Force).

Creada, escrita y dirigida por Greg Daniels (The Office, Parks and Recreation). Diez episodios.

Estreno: 1 de mayo

Bruh (BET+)

John (Barry Brewer, Games People Play), Tom (Mahdi Cocci, The Gifted, Sistas), Mike (Phillip Mullings Jr., American Soul) y Bill (Monti Washington, Games People Play) son cuatro amigos afroamericanos ya en la treintena que buscan guía y apoyo entre ellos mientras tratan de aprender a ser independientes, ya sea en temas amorosos o laborales. Con Chandra Currelley (Madea's Big Happy Family), Candice Renée (Bodied), Alyssa Goss (The Bobby Brown Story), Caroline Harris (Shook), Brandon Sutton, Angela Marie Rigsby (Too Close to Home) y Sarah Hudson (Bluff City Law).

Creada, escrita, producida y dirigida por Tyler Perry (Sistas, Too Close to Home). Veinticuatro episodios.

Estreno: 7 de mayo

The Eddy (Netflix)

Drama musical ambientado en París y centrado en un pianista (André Holland; Castle Rock, Moonlight), divorciado y con una hija adolescente (Amandla Stenberg; The Hate U Give, The Hunger Games), que se ha convertido en el dueño de un club y mantiene una relación intermitente con Maja (Joanna Kulig; Cold War, Hanna), una cantante que tiene problemas con la bebida. Les acompañan Tahar Rahim (The Looming Tower, The Last Panthers) y Melissa George (The Slap, The Good Wife).

Escrito por Jack Thorne (National Treasure, This Is England) y con música original de Glen Ballard. Dirigido por Alan Poul (The Newsroom, Six Feet Under). Damien Chazelle (La La Land, Whiplash) producirá y dirigirá dos de los ocho episodios.

Estreno: 8 de mayo

Estreno: 8 de mayo en Netflix España

Solar Opposites (Hulu)

Comedia de animación sobre una familia de alienígenas que abandona su planeta y se muda a un suburbio de Estados Unidos. Con las voces de Justin Roiland (Adventure Time, Gravity Falls), Sean Giambrone (The Goldbergs, Clarence), Mary Mack (Golan the Insatiable) y Wendi McLendon-Covey (The Goldbergs, Reno 911!).

Creada por Justin Roiland (Rick & Morty). Ocho episodios. Ya está renovada por una segunda temporada.

Estreno: 8 de mayo

I Know This Much Is True (HBO)

Miniserie que explora la identidad estadounidense siguiendo las vidas paralelas de dos gemelos en la segunda mitad del siglo XX. Protagonizada por Mark Ruffalo (The Normal Heart, Spotlight), Melissa Leo (I'm Dying Up Here, Treme), Rosie O'Donnell (SMILF, The Fosters), Archie Panjabi (The Good Wife, The Fall), Imogen Poots (Roadies, 28 Weeks Later), Juliette Lewis (Secrets & Lies, Wayward Pines), Kathryn Hahn (Transparent, I Love Dick), Guillermo Diaz (Scandal, Weeds), Aisling Franciosi (The Fall, Clique), John Procaccino (The Good Wife, Madam Secretary), Rob Huebel (Transparent, Childrens Hospital), Philip Ettinger (One Dollar, First Reformed), Michael Greyeyes (True Detective, Fear The Walking Dead), Brian Goodman (Chance, Rizzoli & Isles), Bruce Greenwood (The Resident, American Crime Story), Marcello Fonte (Dogman), Tom Stratford, Simone Coppo y Bethany Kay.

Basada en la novela de Wally Lamb (1998). Escrita, dirigida y producida por Derek Cianfrance (Blue Valentine). Seis episodios.

Estreno: 10 de mayo Estreno en España: 11 de mayo en HBO España

The Great (Hulu)

Comedia sobre el ascenso al poder de Catalina la Grande y la relación con su esposo. Protagonizada por Elle Fanning (Maleficent, A Rainy Day in New York), Nicholas Hoult (Skins, X-Men). Completan el cast Phoebe Fox (Close to the Enemy, The Hollow Crown), Adam Godley (The Umbrella Academy, Breaking Bad), Gwilym Lee (Jamestown, The Midsomer Murders), Charity Wakefield (Close to the Enemy, Wolf Hall), Douglas Hodge (Catastrophe, The Night Manager), Sacha Dhawan (Iron Fist, Mr. Selfridge) y Sebastian De Souza (Skins, Medici: Masters of Florence).

Escrita por Tony McNamara (The Favourite). Diez episodios.

Estreno: 15 de mayo

White Lines (Netflix)

El cuerpo de un famoso DJ de Manchester es encontrado en Ibiza veinte años después de su misteriosa desaparición y su hermana regresa a la isla a investigar. Con Laura Haddock (Guardians of the Galaxy, Da Vinci's Demons), Daniel Mays (Good Omens, Rogue One), Marta Milans (El embarcadero, Shazam!), Juan Diego Botto (Good Behaviour, Plenilunio), Nuno Lopes (São Jorge), Laurence Fox (Lewis, Victoria) y Angela Griffin (Turn Up Charlie, Ordinary Lies).

Creada y escrita por Álex Pina (La casa de papel, Vis a vis) y producida por Andy Harries (The Crown, Strike Back) y Cristina López Ferraz (La casa de papel, Vis a vis).

Estreno: 15 de mayo Estreno en España: 15 de mayo en Netflix España

Hightown (Starz)

Drama que trata la actual crisis de muertes por sobredosis de opiáceos en Estados Unidos y que se centra en Jackie (Monica Raymund; Chicago Fire, Lie to Me), una chica lesbiana de Provincetown, Massachusetts que trabaja como agente federal en el servicio nacional de pesca marina y tras encontrar un cadáver en la costa, se obsesiona cada vez más con resolver el asesinato mientras se enfrenta a su adicción. Le acompañan James Badge Dale (The Departed, 24), Amaury Nolasco (Prison Break, Deception), Dohn Norwood (The Sinner, Hell on Wheels), Shane Harper (Happyland, Awkward), Atkins Estimond (Lodge 49, StartUp) y Riley Voelkel (The Originals, The Newsroom).

Escrita y producida por Rebecca Cutter (Gotham, The Mentalist) y producida por Jerry Bruckheimer (CSI, Lucifer).

Estreno: 17 de mayo Estreno en España: 17 de mayo en Starzplay España

Snowpiercer (TNT)

Después de que el mundo se convierta en un desierto helado, los humanos que quedan vivos viajan en un tren gigante y en constante movimiento donde se mantienen la lucha de clases, las injusticias sociales y la política de la supervivencia.

Forman el reparto Jennifer Connelly (A Beautiful Mind, Requiem for a Dream), Daveed Diggs (Hamilton, The Get Down), Mickey Sumner (Battle of the Sexes, Low Winter Sun), Iddo Goldberg (Salem, Peaky Blinders), Sheila Vand (Undone, Argo), Lena Hall (Becks), Annalise Basso (Captain Fantastic, Slender Man), Jaylin Fletcher (The Female Brain), Sasha Frolova (Red Sparrow, Little Women), Steven Ogg (The Walking Dead, Westworld), Rowan Blanchard (Girl Meets World, The Goldbergs), Karin Konoval (The Good Doctor, Dirk Gently), Timothy V. Murphy (Quantico, True Detective), Happy Anderson (The Knick, Mindhunter), Sam Otto (The State), Stephen Lobo (Continuum, Travelers), Katie McGuinness (Hollywood, Roots), Miranda Edwards (Arrow, The Magicians), Susan Park (Briarpatch, Fargo), Manoj Sood (Salvation, Insomnia), Dylan Schmid (Shut Eye, Once Upon a Time), Mike O'Malley (Glee, My Name Is Earl), Andrea Ware (Van Helsing), Shaun Toub (Homeland, Lois & Clark), Jonathan Lloyd Walker (Continuum, Flash Gordon), Kelly-Ruth Mercier (Bates Motel), Roberto Urbina (Narcos, Recovery Road), Aleks Paunovic (Van Helsing, iZombie), Shaun Toub (Homeland, Iron Man), Kerry O'Malley (Shameless, Annabelle), Aaron Glenane (Picnic at Hanging Rock) o Fiona Vroom (Altered Carbon, The Man in the High Castle).

Adaptación de la película de 2013. Creada por Graeme Manson (Orphan Black). Diez episodios. Ya está renovada por una segunda temporada.

Estreno: 17 de mayo

Stargirl (DC Universe)

Courtney Whitmore (Bella & the Bulldogs, The Goldbergs) es una estudiante que descubre que su padrastro (Luke Wilson; The Royal Tenenbaums, Roadies) fue un superhéroe en el pasado. Además, recibe el poderoso bastón cósmico de Starman (Joel McHale; Community, The X-Files) y se convierte en miembro de una nueva generación de superhéroes. Con Amy Smart (The Butterfly Effect, Felicity), Trae Romano, Cameron Gellman (Heathers), Neil Jackson (Absentia, Sleepy Hollow), Hunter Sansone (Drama Drama), Yvette Monreal (Matador, Faking It), Christopher James Baker (True Detective, Ozark), Henry Thomas (The Haunting of Hill House, Better Things), Joy Osmanski (Santa Clarita Diet, Shameless), Neil Hopkins (Lost, Matador), Nelson Lee (Ten Days in the Valley, Sneaky Pete), Kron Moore (The Oval), Jake Austin Walker (Rectify), Meg DeLacy (The Fosters, Recovery Road), Anjelika Washington (Runaways, We're Not Friends), Lou Ferrigno Jr. (SWAT, How I Met Your Mother), Brian Stapf (The Purge, The Walking Dead) y Hina Khan (Hit the Floor).

Creada por Geoff Johns (The Flash, Arrow) y producida por Greg Berlanti (Arrow, Riverdale). Trece episodios.

Estreno: 18 de mayo

Estreno en España: 19 de mayo en HBO España

Dead Still (Acorn TV)

Ambientada en Irlanda a finales del siglo XIX, sigue a un conocido fotógrafo de cadáveres que investiga los asesinatos de los fallecidos. Estará protagonizada por Michael Smiley (Luther, The Aliens), Kerr Logan (Cormoran Strike, Game of Thrones), Eileen O'Higgins (Brooklyn, Mary Queen of Scots), Aidan O'Hare (Jackie), Jimmy Smallhorne (Clean Break), Mark Rendall (Versailles, Transporter), Peter Campion (Derry Girls, Brooklyn) y Martin Donovan (Big Little Lies, Boss).

Escrita por John Morton (People Like Us, W1A) y dirigida por Imogen Murphy (Red Rock; Can't Cope, Won't Cope) y Craig David Wallace (Slasher, Murdoch Mysteries). Seis episodios.

Estreno: 18 de mayo

Sweet Magnolias (Netflix)

Adaptación de la serie de novelas de Sherryl Woods sobre tres mujeres y amigas de Carolina del Sur que lidian con el amor, el trabajo y la familia. Con JoAnna Garcia Swisher (Once Upon a Time, Kevin (Probably) Saves The World), Brooke Elliott (Drop Dead Diva), Heather Headley (Chicago Med, She's Gotta Have It), Chris Klein (American Pie, The Flash), Jamie Lynn Spears (Zoey 101, All That) y Justin Bruening (Good Behavior, Grey's Anatomy).

Escrita y producida por Sheryl J. Anderson (Charmed, Detective McLean). Producida también por Woods. Diez episodios.

Estreno: 19 de mayo

Estreno en España: 19 de mayo en Netflix España

Control Z (Netflix)

Cuando un hacker empieza a revelar los secretos más íntimos de muchos estudiantes, se desata el caos en el instituto. Los más populares comienzan a ser acosados, los marginados ganan estatus y todos se convierten en sospechosos. Sofía (Ana Valeria Becerril; Las hijas de Abril, Muerte al verano), una empollona sin amigos, intentará descubrir y detener al hacker mientras sufre todo un proceso de autodescubrimiento. Completan el reparto Michael Ronda (Soy Luna, Como dice el dicho), Yankel Stevan (Papá a toda madre, Como dice el dicho), Rodrigo Cachero (Las malcriadas), Lidia San José (Paquita Salas, A las once en casa), Zión Moreno (Gossip Girl), Luis Curiel (Doña Flor y sus dos maridos, Como dice el dicho), Samantha Acuña, Andrés Baida (Los elegidos; Like, la leyenda), Patricio Gallardo (Silvana sin lana; Tony, la chef), Macarena García (Papis muy padres; Like, la leyenda), Iván Aragón (El Chapo, Enemigo íntimo) y Xabiani Ponce de León (Violetta, Esto no es Berlín).

Creada y escrita por Carlos Quintanilla Sakar (La bandida, Rosario Tijeras), Adriana Pelusi (Rosario Tijeras, Sin rastro de ti) y Miguel García Moreno (La candidata, La esquina del diablo).

Estreno: 22 de mayo

Estreno en España: 22 de mayo en Netflix España

Barkskins (National Geographic)

En Canadá, en el siglo XVII, ocurre una misteriosa masacre que amenaza con provocar una guerra en la región. Los colonos, de todas las clases sociales, que buscaban fortuna en el Nuevo Mundo se encuentran con bosques profundos y oscuros e indígenas que les reciben con desdén pero saben que necesitarán buscar alianzas con los recién llegados para sobrevivir. Con David Thewlis (Wonder Woman, Harry Potter), Marcia Gay Harden (Pollock, Mystic River), Christian Cooke (Ordeal by Innocence, Witches of East End), Aneurin Barnard (Dunkirk, The White Queen), Thomas M. Wright (Top of the Lake, The Bridge), Tallulah Haddon (Kiss Me First, Black Mirror) y James Bloor (Dunkirk).

Adaptación de la novela de Annie Proulx (Brokeback Mountain) publicada en 2012. Escrita y producida por Elwood Reid (The Chi, The Bridge). Ocho episodios.

Estreno: 25 de mayo

Love Life (HBO Max)

Comedia que sigue el camino desde el primer amor hasta el último. La primera temporada estará protagonizada y producida por Anna Kendrick (Pitch Perfect, Up in the Air) y nos mostrará a un novio distinto de Darby (Kendrick) en cada episodio. Con Scoot McNairy (Halt and Catch Fire, True Detective), Zoe Chao (Strangers), Sasha Compere (Miracle Workers) y Peter Vack (The Bold Type, Mozart in the Jungle).

Creada por Sam Boyd (In a Relationship) y producida por Paul Feig (Freaks and Geeks, Other Space). Diez episodios.

Estreno: 27 de mayo

Space Force (Netflix)

Comedia sobre la gente encargada de formar la fuerza espacial, la sexta rama que quiere crear Trump en las Fuerzas Armadas. Con Steve Carell (The Office, The 40 Year Old Virgin), Lisa Kudrow (Friends, The Comeback), John Malkovich (Being John Malkovich, The New Pope), Ben Schwartz (Parks and Recreation, House of Lies), Diana Silvers (Booksmart, Ma), Tawny Newsome (Brockmire, Bajillion Dollar Propertie$), Jimmy O. Yang (Silicon Valley, Crazy Rich Asians), Alex Sparrow (UnREAL, The Vatican Tapes), Noah Emmerich (The Americans, The Spy), Fred Willard (Modern Family, Eveybody Loves Raymond), Jessica St. Clair (Playing House, American Housewife), Don Lake (The Bonnie Hunt Show) y Owen Daniels (Upload).

Creada y producida por Steve Carell (Angie Tribeca, The 40 Year Old Virgin) y escrita por Greg Daniels (The Office, Parks and Recreation).

Estreno: 29 de mayo

Central Park (Apple TV+)

Comedia musical de animación centrada en los cuidadores que viven en Central Park y acaban salvando el parque y básicamente el mundo. Contará con las voces de Josh Gad (Frozen, Angry Birds), Leslie Odom Jr. (Smash), Tituss Burgess (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, 30 Rock), Kristen Bell (Frozen, Gossip Girl), Stanley Tucci (BoJack Horseman, The Hunger Games), Daveed Diggs (Undone, Ferdinand) y Kathryn Hahn (Transparent, Mrs. Fletcher).

Creada por Josh Gad y Loren Bouchard (Bob's Burgers). Trece episodios. Ya está renovada por una segunda temporada.

Estreno: 29 de mayo

[kamikazezoomy]

Cat

People think cats are assholes, but I don’t think they ever stopped to consider that maybe we’re just reacting to the way we get treated in the first place.  Nobody goes bad without a reason.

Take me for example, when I was a young mangy stray, I got taken in by a family of people.  See what I did there: taken in.  Double meaning, that! They really liked me at first. They saw me in an alley, playing with the small one’s bike handle tassels.  Thought I was so cute, they did. “Oh, look at her play with the tassels!” they said. “She’s such a cute playful thing, swatting the tassels like they’re alive!”  They went and got some tinned tuna out of the pantry and put it on a dish for me.  I thought to myself, this is a sweet gig! I find fun things to play with, bring it to these big, weird primates, demonstrate how it’s fun, and they reward me with food and attention!

And it was a sweet gig.  The people let me keep my freedom to roam the neighborhood, and they fed me and played with me on a regular basis.  And in return, I’d bring them presents, souvenirs from my adventures.  The small one, especially, seemed to like these gifts. I’d disappear for a couple of days and come back with butterfly in my mouth, or colorful piece of cloth that I’d found.  The small one would pick up the presents I’d leave by the back door and tell me how much she liked them.  One time when it was raining, I darted inside to warm up and dry off and before the people caught me, I found a box of my presents under the small one’s bed.  The medium one grabbed me with a towel and put me in the garage before I could look too closely, but it was enough: I knew this thing was working out. It was a mutually beneficial relationship.  I bring presents and joy, they give food, shelter and attention. What more could I ask?  Oh, how about not to have the rug pulled out from under me!

Time passed and the seasons did their thing.  The big one and the medium one continued to feed me and play with me, and they seemed to find some enjoyment from the little gifts I brought back from my adventures. The small one was getting bigger, but she still played with me too, though she wasn’t around as much.  One afternoon, when I was napping in a patch of sunshine, she told me she had shown some of my presents to a friend who was impressed with the uniqueness of the items, the buttons and stones and ribbons. She confided that there were a few presents I had brought that she hadn’t kept, but she had appreciated them all the same.  That frog I had caught? What a shock! She’d had quite a laugh from that one, she had!

She also talked about other presents that the other people had shared with her. I don’t know where they came from, but she said they had a lizard inside. She called it Brennan. She and the big one liked the lizard. It ate crickets and made them chuckle with its antics. I wished I could share their laughter over the lizard, but I think it eventually died and I never got to see what was so funny.  They didn’t seem to care that I might like to play with the lizard.  I began to wonder if my presents weren’t good enough to earn time to play with the lizard. They weren’t playing with me so much anymore. I would have to step up my game.

On my next adventure I brought back a mouse.  I had heard them wondering that I had kept mice away from the house and thought maybe it was a hint. I presented my prize at the door and sat proudly above it until the people came and saw. They laughed kindly and said they liked it, I was a good cat for catching the mouse. They weren’t going to keep it, but they were glad I caught it and could tell why I liked catching mice. Mice must be just the perfect thing for me, a cat, to catch. I must have had such a good time catching it and playing with it! And you know what? I had had a great time catching and playing with that mouse before I brought it to them.  It didn’t matter that they weren’t going to keep it, they liked that I had caught it and shown them.  Maybe this would get them to play with me again.

But it didn’t, really.  I would have to do better. Maybe, since they now preferred lizards, I should bring them one of those! Yes, that would do it! They missed Brennan, so I’d bring them a new lizard, and since I brought it, maybe they’d let me play with it, too! We could all play with the lizard together, and things would go back to the way they were!  I set off to find a lizard.

Now, I was smart enough to know that they wouldn’t want a dead lizard. No, I didn’t think they liked dead things too much, and surely Brennan was not dead when they talked and laughed about him.  The people liked different things from what I liked, but I was pretty sure they wouldn’t want to play with a dead lizard.  I’d bring them a live one.

I spent the next couple days stalking through the neighbors’ gardens, chasing the scurrying little dinosaurs through the dying plants, getting themselves ready for winter’s hibernation. After a few attempts, I caught one. (I had had several close calls, but the damn things kept letting their tails fall off, and what was the fun in that?! But I finally got one around the front and middle, so it was still burdened with its glorious tail when I brought it back to the people.  As before, I waited by the back door, proud and triumphant, with my souvenir.  This lizard was fantastic. I loved it, and I knew they would love it. As I waited by the door, I heard the people coming. They had all been on a walk looking at the trees and talking about how excited they were that soon the leaves would change color. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but they were excited.  I was excited too. I ran to meet them, the wriggling lizard gently but firmly held between my teeth.

At first, before I got to them, they smiled, pleased that I was running to meet them; what a happy reunion after their walk and my hunt!  They turned and waited for me, watching me prance up like a proud, stupid labrador.  They smiled. I smiled. I parked myself in front of the people as they said “What have you found, kitty? What did you bring us?”  I triumphantly dropped the lizard (who was terrified, by the way, I guess he didn’t understand that we weren’t planning on killing him. At least, I wasn’t. But I had never figured out what had happened to Brennan, I suppose…) at their feet.  The people gaped at me. They looked at me. They looked at the lizard. They blinked. They shrugged. And they walked on into the house.

Unbelievable! What happened? They used to love when I brought them things! And I knew they liked lizards! This one wasn’t even dead!  Not even a “good kitty!” The bastards!  I’ll admit, I was a little upset over this for a little while. Personally offended. I had put serious thought into this one, and I was sure it would be a great new thing for us to bond over, like the bicycle streamers of old. But nooooo, just a blank expression, a shrug, and nothing! Like they didn’t even know me! The loveable alley cat they had fed and played with for years!  I vowed to myself I wouldn’t bring them any more presents.

But I really am a softie. And even with the embers of anger smoldering inside me, I eased my rage a little when I thought I saw the problem. Over the next couple days, I overheard the people talking about the leaves changing color again, and I guess if I looked closely enough, I could tell that they maybe were a slightly different shade of gray, but mostly they smelled different and I could tell that they’d be loosening from the trees and covering the ground soon. Crunchy leaves were good for playing in but bad for stalking. Too noisy.  I frowned inwardly for a moment, but was drawn from my reverie as the people started bringing things from inside the house to outside the house. They put some gourds outside and little signs in the yard.  And then, lo and behold, skeletons!  Maybe that was the problem! They had wanted a dead lizard after all!

I contemplated my next move, my previous vow to neglect the people out of spite forgotten.  I should bring them something dead. I had underestimated these people! I didn’t think they liked dead things, since they had thrown out my dead mouse, but they were more ferocious than I thought, marking their territory with the carcasses of what I can only presume were their own kills. I didn’t think I could bring down anything as large as the people themselves, but I could find something nearer my own size.  That should impress them.  But what specifically? I surveyed the items they were arranging around their territory.  People shaped skeletons (too big)... Pumpkins (too heavy)... Oh a picture of me! (obviously I’m not going to sacrifice my own kind for these jerks, though)...  A people with a funny pointy head (no, those carry those bristly sticks they swat cats away with)... And then I saw it:  a raven!  Genius! I’d catch one of those big sinister birds and they could decorate with it! We’d be thick as thieves again!

I staked out the neighborhood and found a flock of ravens to stalk. There were a couple that were on the old side but should do just fine. And, like the lizard before, it took me a couple tries, but, damnit, I caught the one of the bigger ravens. When I was sure it was dead and would present nicely to the people, I dragged it back. It was almost as big as I was! But they would have to love it.  They used to always give the best reactions to my surprise presents.  (Except for the lizard. I had to forget about that. Just a fluke, it was. Had to be!) And it had been a while since I had brought the lizard, so this present would sure be a surprise. They had always seemed to like the unpredictability best. When would I be back, what would I bring? They never could tell, and the shock would make them laugh. They would love this raven.

And to add to the surprise, I would take it to the front door this time! Usually I brought presents to the back door, but that was too predictable, and this was a surprise!  A grand surprise!  I sat with my raven on the mat by the door. I could hear the people inside talking about the decorations, about pumpkins and sweaters and leaves.  I thought to myself, I’ve done it this time!  I’d be proud of this present any time of year, but they’ll particularly like it right now!  I grew impatient. I mewed to get their attention.  But still they stayed inside. I had suspected that maybe they couldn’t hear as well as I could, so I mewed louder.  By the time I was almost hoarse, they opened the door, all bundled up in extra clothes to go somewhere. I realized they hadn’t heard me, but I waved that thought aside.  They would still like it.

They didn’t.  They wrinkled up their noses.  They took a step back.  They looked back and forth between me and my raven.  

“Oh, kitty! Why’d you do that?” the big one sneered.

“Eurgh! I just don’t get it!” the small one said, recoiling.

“I’m not even going to touch it.” said the middle one, slightly exasperated.

I tried to explain, “I got this for you! I thought you’d like it! You used to always love the things I showed you! This is exactly the kind of thing I’m supposed to do!  It even goes with the decorations!  You’ve got a fake one over there!”  But I guess they never learned to speak cat because they grabbed a bristly stick that people use to shoo away cats and used it to throw my raven in the trash. Then they stepped around me and went on their way.

At first I was heartbroken.  I thought they loved me, but they rejected me and my contributions.  I couldn’t understand it. What had I done wrong? But that sadness melted away into anger.  I had done my best! And I hadn’t done anything wrong! I had continued to uphold my end of the unspoken contract.  They’re the ones who changed the deal! It wasn’t my fault! It was theirs! How could they do this to me?!

It all became clear to me: cats aren’t born assholes, we’re made into assholes.   My destiny was clear.  My future opened wide with the possibilities of malevolence.  In the spring I would shred their new plants. In the summer I would knock their fruity beverages off the patio table. In the winter I would wait for an approaching snowstorm and poop on top of their cars and let the snow hide the dirty surprise.  In the fall I would hide in the leaves and attack their furry boots as they walked by.  I could roll over as if to ask for tummy scratches and then bite their fingers to bits. If I could sneak my way inside on a regular basis, I could do so much more… so much more…

And that’s why this house is covered in a mountain of spiders. It was a big job, but some asshole had to do it.

[tempe-booth447]

Get to Know My Love for Bones

Top 5 favorite characters: Temperance Brennan, Angela Montenegro, Seeley Booth, Jack Hodgins and Lance Sweets

Other characters you like: Wendell Bray, Camille Saroyan, James Aubrey, Caroline Julian, Max Keenan, Arastoo Vaziri , Gordon Gordon , and Finn Abernathy.

Least favorite characters: Hannah Burley, Christopher Pelant, Oliver Wells Heather Taffett Otps: B&B , Hodgela , Camstoo

Notps: Booth x Hannah and Brennan x Sully

Favorite friendships: Brennan x Angela , Angela x Cam, Cam x Brennan , Brennan x Hodgins, Booth x Cam, Sweets x Booth/Brennan, Aubrey x Brennan/Booth

Favorite family: Booth family but I really like the Hodgins family as well. Let’s just say the whole gang together.

Favorite episodes: Pilot , The Woman in the Sand , Aliens in a Spaceship , The Cowboy in the Contest , The Woman in White, The Skull in the Desert, The Mummy in the Maze, The End in the Beginning, The Proof in the Pudding, The Hole in the Heart, The change in the game, The shot in the dark, The Prisoner in the Pipe, The Movie in the Making , The End in the End . There’s more just can’t think of them atm.

Favorite season/book/movie: Probably season 11, season 9 , season 5 and season 3, Season 7, Season 2

Favorite quotes: “You’re the woman I love. You’re the woman who kissed me outside the pool house when it was pouring rain, took me to shoot Tommy guns on Valentine’s Day. That’s who you are. You’re the one who proposed to me with a stick of beef jerky in your hand, even though you’re a vegetarian. You’re the Roxy to my Tony and the Wanda to my Buck. Who else is gonna sing Hot Blooded with me? And besides we are way better than Mulder and Scully.“ , “Everything happens eventually” , “I don’t know what that means” , “King of the lab!” , “People assume that when you’re alone, you must be lonely. Like most assumptions, it’s erroneous.”

Best musical moment: First time Booth and Brennan sang Hot Blooded together. Also When Brennan sings “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper in “The Checker Box” restaurant.

Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: Probably when B&B got together in the end of season 6, or there wedding.

When it really disappointed you: Booth starts Gambling again. Booth lying to Brennan’s face about it.

 
Saddest moment: When Sweets Died

Most well done character death: I think Max Keenan’s

Favorite guest star: Stephen Fry

Favorite cast member: Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz I can’t pick 1.

Character you wish was still alive: Definitely Sweets

One thing you hope really happens: Everything I wanted to happen has already come true :) I did wish we got more episodes but I know it won’t happen :(

Most shocking twist: The whole FBI Conspiracy When did you start watching/reading?: When it premiered in 2005

Best animal/creature: hum… Ripley…

Favorite location: The Jeffersonian of course

Trope you wish they would stop using: second person they interrogate was generally the killer

One thing this show/book/film does better than others: It’s realistic about stuff in real life, I mean they knew that Hodgins being able to walk again was very unlikely so they did what would probably happen if his situation was real, they kept him in a wheelchair, even though he didn’t deserve that it was probably the most realistic thing to happen.

Funniest moments: Hodgins’ experiments, Brennan clueless about pop culture

Couple you would like to see: Aubrey x Karen

Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: cast is perfect the way it is.

Favorite outfit: every single Angela Montenegro outfit. Brennan’s chunky Necklaces.

Favorite item: angelatron

Do you own anything related to this show/book/film?: not really, but I’m planning on doing it !

What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?:  part of the Booth Family

Most boring plotline: Hannah bored and annoyed me

Most laughably bad moment: When Booth and Brennan carry the dead man’s body to the car during his funeral while Hodgins is making the speech. That was literally the best moment ever. (this was in season 4 - The Double Death of the Dearly Departed)

Best flashback/flashfoward if any: When B&B first met

Most layered character: Temperance Brennan

Most one dimensional character: Dr. Goodman

Scariest moment: When the whole Jeffersonian blow up. I mean I knew they weren’t going to die or anything but … also in the Nightmare in the Nightmare all of Brennans dreams made me jump a bit

Grossest moment: I can’t think of one. the show literally doesn’t bother me with the gore anymore is that sad? Best looking male: Seeley Booth

Best looking female: Temperance Brennan

Who you’re crushing on (if any): I mean, Seeley Booth duh. Hell in the Cowboy in the Contest I was crushing on Brennan.

Favorite cast moment: The bloopers are the best moments ever, or the Comic Con interviews

Favorite transportation: Booth’s car

Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): Booth and Brennan’s House (season 10 on)

Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: What was Pelant’s final Message???

Best promo: The End in the End showing how far the show has came.

At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: From the Beginning.

[justsoyoudonthaveto]

I have to confess that I am really, really, really, just a smidge, maybe, over the Christmas movies on Hallmark. So much so that I have deleted a few off my DVR, with the idea that maybe I’ll get that Hallmark app on Prime and be able to watch a Christmas movie in May or June. But before we get there, it’s January 5 and I’m watching Christmas in Grand Valley, saved from deletion because it’s one with our girl Danica McKellar, and co-starring Kevin’s dad from The Wonder Years. It also has that guy who has been in several movies, including a few with her, Brennan Elliott. I’m not a fan of his, but let’s see how this one goes.

We open at a very overly decorated cityscape (city unknown) and then Danica is walking down the street when her phone rings – she reaches into her severely empty purse to pull out just her phone. It’s her Dad! He owns a diner! She’s an artist on the way to meet with her agent about getting her own art show! Can we have any more exclamation points! They convey the excitement on Danica’s face, and we find out from Sassy person who works with dad that her name is Kelly. The next thing we know, is that Kelly didn’t get her own show, and apparently we’re in Chicago. Kelly now has painter’s block, second guessing herself about what to paint and how to paint and all that crap. Older Son has just whispered that she’s not Bob Ross, and if that’s not a curse and a commendation all at once, I don’t know what is.

She needs to get inspired, so she heads home to Grand Valley for Christmas and goes right to her dad’s diner! Sassy Person has got a flirt on with perennial 2nd banana blonde actor who has been in several of these movies and who always loses the girl to someone else. He’s Kelly’s cousin, Mikey, and he just got promoted to be Manager of the Lodge, but the Lodge apparently is under performing and he might then lose his job and there is so much plot in these 2 seconds I feel like my head is going to explode. Mike begs Kelly to help at the Christmas Kids Lodge thing, because of course there’s a Christmas Kids Lodge thing. There’s a VIP guy coming to judge the Lodge and its profits and they have to impress the socks off him.

We go to VIP meeting of hotel guys, and Brennan Elliott is there in a purple tie with ties of his own to the Lodge in Grand Valley – he’s got sentimental feelings about that Lodge, and before we can know his name, he’s being sent to Grand Valley with his kids for a working vacation. He’s got kids? And Kelly’s going to do something with kids? SYNERGY. That’s what we call it, folks.

No, not this kind of Synergy.

So hero’s got kids, but his sister takes care of them, so it seems that his wife is dead. Kids are happy to go on Christmas vacation. Then we head right back to Wyoming, and why Kelly is having an art existential crisis about her art, and her cousin Mikey has the dumbest moustache. It’s like dust just landed on his upper lip. Please, please, please, shave that off before the end of the movie.

Brennan Elliot’s name is Neal, and he’s arrived at the Lodge. His kids are named Max and Emma and they get their own cabin with a roaring fireplace. Kids are suitably happy, and Max is obsessed with horses and that’s his character trait right there, except he looks like Ralphie from A Christmas Story.

Next scene, Neal and kids meet Kelly on the street, and there are a gazillion trees lining the shops, and they are all decorated with ornaments and I do not believe that is a thing anywhere in Wyoming because of all snow that happens to fall. All those ornaments would be destroyed. This was clearly thought up by some screenwriter who lives in California. Anyway, each tree is decorated by a person in the town, to showcase their family traditions. And another tradition? Christmas Tree Lighting! We get a convenient Christmas Countdown  – it’s 9 days to Christmas, and we also get to hear that on Christmas Eve, everyone comes down to the big tree and puts MORE ornaments on the tree in the square.

Next day, it’s the first day of Kids Christmas Camp (Shouldn’t it be Kids Kristmas Kamp?) at the Lodge – and the day is chock full of things to get the kids out of the parents’ hair. I dream of such a place sometimes, especially on Saturday mornings, when kids like to fight over video games and who makes the tea. Yes, that’s something we fight over at this house. Emma’s character trait is that she wants to be an artist, and Kelly has a bonding moment, and then she has a major about face against Neal when she finds out that he’s there to judge the financial stability of the Lodge. No one does wounded righteousness better than Danica McKellar. Neal is kind of annoyed that Kelly is so righteous about the Lodge, but that doesn’t stop him from subtly trying to get his flirt on despite being rusty because his wife died.

Neal and Mike have to talk about the Lodge, and Neal does it by taking over Mike’s office and sitting behind Mike’s desk. That is such a dick move, but he does offer some help – they need to do more Excel in order to see if the Lodge is worth saving. It’s all about the math. Then we cut to to the Kids making snowmen that are so obviously fake that I think they’re on a green screen.

Dang, Wyoming is gorgeous. And Kelly is inspired by these magic perfect snowmen, and then Neal shows up and they have more flirt on in the snow and it’s weird. Neal’s kids are getting way too attached to Kelly way too soon, and they are just begging for The Sad Times. But Kelly is all inspired by the Kids Camp and how kids make art fun. And Mike arrives to say hi, and maybe it’s not a bad mustache, it’s just 5 o’clock shadow just on his upper lip.

Sassy Person at the Diner has money troubles – she bought a new car but can’t afford it, so Kelly says come work with her at the Camp…but if a hotel is having money troubles, can they really afford to hire another person? But Kelly asks Sassy Person about Mike – and Sassy Person says he’s never asked her out, and Kelly says maybe she should ask him out and it’s like their roles are reversed and Kelly is the Sassy Friend just for a moment. But we also get the thought that Kelly doesn’t think her life in Chicago is worth it anymore. Another movie where life in the big city is the worst thing in the world, and the only life worth living is a small town life in a town far, far, far away from any kind of city.  As someone who has worked in a city, and who lives in the suburbs just 40 minutes from a major city, shut the F up, Hallmark. There is nothing wrong with suburb or urban life, despite the fact that we don’t have Christmas Festivals every season.

Neal and the kids show up at Frank’s diner, and even though Max just ate, he’s still hungry, and he’s now just like Younger Son. Frank offers to make them pancakes, and afterwards, Kelly is so fired up by the fact that Neal can’t see the magic of the Lodge because he’s so focused on math. She doesn’t realize that he is not the one who owns the company who owns the Lodge, he’s just the one who has to do the math.

Kelly and Neal and family are walking back to to the Lodge and they run smack dab into a Christmas Festival with carolers. We get exposition about how they both live in Chicago but had to come to Wyoming to meet. Kelly went to the Illinois Fine Art College (which I googled, and is not a thing) and he’s worked at the Resort Company who owns the Lodge forever. Neal also finds out that Mike is her cousin, so he knows that there’s no one in the road ahead of him. But she also gets stuck on the fact that his job has to do with math, and she’s got a thing written into this movie where she walks 3 feet away, then turns back and gives him a set-down. She’s not very understanding about the fact that Neal is just doing his job, which he needs to do to take care of his kids, as his wife is dead, and someone has to bring home the dental. I guess artists have to worry about finer things? She’s bugging the crap out of me.

Sassy Person and Mike meet up at the Lodge to stare longingly at each other. Props that Sassy Person and Mike are a potential couple.

Kids have bought a tree for their cabin, and have invited Kelly to come over and help decorate it – which means that they just shelled out a bunch of money for ornaments and decorations and stockings and everything. They even bought Kelly a stocking. Then Kelly overhears Neal on the phone with his boss, and storms off in a huff of righteousness because Bossman wants to know if the Lodge is ok or not to sell to developers who will make a shopping center or a bunch of condos out of it. Anyone with a working set of eyeballs can see that by Neal’s exhausted sigh and face rubbing that he doesn’t like this idea, but Kelly can’t get passed the idea that he’s the big bad wolf coming to blow the Lodge down.

I think Sassy Person’s name is Lucy? She offers to babysit Neal’s kids so he can burn the candle at both ends, and he finally tells Kelly that he’s trying to keep the Lodge open, and I guess now she can stop acting like he’s got the Plague. Sassy Person calls it that they like each other and I think I’ve been calling him Neal but that his real name is Leo. Just googled and yes, his name is Leo. Oh well. I’ve been pausing this movie every 3 minutes to referee video game and fart fights between Older and Younger Son so no wonder I didn’t hear correctly. Younger Son is currently eating Oreos very loudly, as well, and the volume remote is all the way on the other side of the couch.

Leo and Kelly have a moment while she is sadly painting the Lodge – Christmas wouldn’t be the same in Grand Valley without it, you guys. But Leo tells Kelly he’s on her side to save the Lodge and they stare at each other for a second to long.

Now we go ice skating! Props to anyone who can balance on a blade on frozen water is amazing. Max falls, and Leo goes immediately into over-protective father mode, which makes me think that mom died from hitting her head, but no, that’s just my mental problems coming out.

Leo and Kelly walk down the street and have a very important conversation about how they like each other without coming out and saying they like each other. He loves her painting, and her painting styles keep adapting to whoever in the prop department is doing them.

Leo confesses that he doesn’t really like his job, because it’s all about math and not about customer service. He wants his job to be more personal.

Max and Emma are going to move their perfectly decorated cabin tree to outside Frank’s Diner. And Leo and Kelly are there to flirt subtly while Frank looks on and smiles. Then we get a nice Wonder Years Flashback while dad and Kelly discuss the state of Kelly’s heart.

Leo and Kelly are back at Leo’s cabin – he asks her out when they get back to Chicago, and she would love that, but she thinks she’s going to move back to Grand Valley, and she wants to be an art teacher. Leo is very understanding about that, even though that means he gets no booty call in the Windy City. They are going to make the most of the time they have left, before Leo has to go back to real work.

Kelly tells her dad that she’s moving home, and my goodness, can all dads look like Dan Lauria in these movies? He’s fabulous.

There’s a store in Grand Valley that is just Christmas decorations, and we get Leo’s heretofore undocumented talent of playing the accordion. Brennan Elliot plays the accordion, and I feel like that was written into the script in order to showcase it.  Leo then asks Sassy Lucy to watch his kids again in order to take Kelly out to dinner. Sassy Lucy takes the kids to go see White Christmas and Mike gets to come along and Sassy Lucy and Mike are on their way to coupledom.

At their date, the restaurant is decorated in white Christmas trees and ew. Kelly has great hair – she points out that she spent half an hour on it, so they are more than friends. Kelly is wondering if it’s a good idea to be all lovey dovey when they’re going to say goodbye after Christmas, but he’s all like let’s seize the moment. And after a walk down the street we get a pre-ending kiss and there’s not even mistletoe involved!

Sassy Lucy and Mike get to be a couple but it’s off screen, so we’re not distracted by Kelly and Leo.

Leo and Mike and Frank have coffee at the Diner and Leo is so happy to have boy time over coffee, and Leo tells Frank he likes Kelly and Frank is ok with that. Then he goes to see Kelly, and in order to save the Lodge, he’s going to take her paintings and put them on the Lodge’s website and his company’s website as well, so in a way, she gets her own art show. But it doesn’t help the cause for the Lodge and the corporate bottom line because Bossman don’t care, even if it does attract Kelly’s agent and gets her excited.

Santa Wagon Ride in town! Kid who likes horses is amazed, and the kids are entranced by everything and they want to come back next year, and that means that Leo feels really guilty about his boss being such a craphead. They walk down the street like a family, and the whole town stares after them in silent admiration.

Sad Times for Leo because he’s got to leave and Kelly is going to stay home. Mike points out that Leo can always get a new job, and it’s like Leo has never, ever, ever thought about that thought yet. He immediately calls his boss with a proposition. But we don’t hear what the proposition is, because Kelly just got a call from her agent that she gets her own show at a Chicago gallery. But Kelly has to be in Chicago to do it.

Leo just bought the Lodge! Kelly can’t tell him that she has good news too, because that means she’s moving back to Chicago. WHY????? This is soooooooo dumb. You can visit Chicago and then LEAVE it, you know. What about her art teacher dream? Leo is understanding because it’s not like they’re really dating, but Oh my GAWD I am so annoyed right now. Sad Time for everyone, including me.

Sassy Lucy has to point out that Kelly’s thinking is whack, and Frank is like, yup. Sassy Lucy and Mike have a little moment where they also agree that Kelly is acting dumb. Because secondary characters don’t have anything else to say unless it’s about the main characters.

Kelly is now so upset about everything – she’s going to miss everything, and she loves Leo’s kids, and is trying to psych herself up to go back to Chicago. She needs someone to tell her what to do, instead of finding out by herself and FINALLY she gets there in a speech that I just said 2 paragraphs ago. MY GOODNESS WHEN WILL THIS MOVIE END?

She immediately has to go tell Leo that she’s staying home, her truth is that she needs to stay home. Her heart is right in Grand Valley and with Leo and yay kissing by the fireplace.

Mike and Sassy Lucy get half a minute of resolution and a little peck on the lips outside on the street as they walk to trim the town tree. The kids are remarkably ok with moving to Wyoming, and something tells me that they haven’t figured out that they’re going to leave all their city friends and their schools and everything. But whatever, happy families in Grand Valley and we’re DONE.

Oh this made me so annoyed. While the acting was all fine, and Dan Lauria is a national dad treasure, I could have gotten the last 120 minutes of my life back doing ANYTHING else but watching this movie. Anyway, I got it done, just so you don’t have to.

Almost done with Christmas movies for the year. This one has Small Towns, Trees, Angst, and Dan Lauria! All That, plus Righteous Anger and Lots and Lots of Painting. I watched Christmas at Grand Valley, just so you don't have to. I have to confess that I am really, really, really, just a smidge, maybe, over the Christmas movies on Hallmark.

[spaceorphan18]

SO’S GLEE EPISODE RANKING: NO. 63

I started a Full Glee Episode Ranking between seasons 5 and 6 over two years ago now (!!!). My opinions have changed somewhat since then (retrospect is an interesting thing), and I need to include the thirteen season six episodes I neglected in my original list.  With the two year anniversary of the show being over a few months away, I thought I’d count down to by posting an episode every day.  I’ll tag using: glee episode rankings

Here we go…

63. Hurt Locker 1 (6x04)

Written by: Ian Brennan Directed by: Ian Brennan

A lot about season 6 was pretty cracky, but here’s where we get full on insane, as the plot revolves around Sue smashing the fourth wall in just about every way.  It’s kind of weird to see the characters go on with their lives, as if they’re not aware they’re in a television show, while Sue becomes full on cartoon villain, and seems to be aware of the Matrix. 

While I prefer the second part of the Hurt Locker duo, probably for obvious reasons, there’s a lot of enjoyable things in this one - not to mention that while the show has gone totally off the rails at this point, it’s still incredibly hilarious.  

So - we have Sue pissed off at Will, which starts a whole other round of S v W, which c’mon writers, it’s a dead, dead horse already.  She’s also go a giant Klaine shrine, which is slightly insane, and yes, is poking fun at the Klainers - but I don’t think it’s as mean spirited as some people took it to be.  We also have Sue meddling with Kurt and Blaine’s lives, which is fun.  Because ultimately, why does she really care? Why does she even have a Klaine shrine? It doesn’t matter - because we want it, the show is saying, fine, here you go. 

Meanwhile, they hypnotizing of Sam does get a little skeevy, even if he and Rachel’s romance is nice for the short thing that it was intended to be.  And then there’s the Invitationals performance (which I don’t think we’ve had since season one) - which kind of ties all of this together, and is only mildly entertaining with all of the other nonsense going on. 

High Points: 

Sue’s Hurt Locker, which is amazing and horrifying and brilliant and perfect. 

Blaine being super sassy - whether it’s telling Kurt and Rachel no to throwing the competition or teaching Rachel and Sam piano.  

Sue meddling in Klaine’s lives.  Fantastic. 

The Sam/Rachel romance worked for me (in a they need each other in this moment but not otp kind of way). 

Principal Figgins-Gunderson! OMG!

Sue’s massive, meta take down of Will.  

Klaine angst! 

Low Points: 

Too much Vocal Adrenaline -- did they really need two songs? 

Sue hypnotizing Sam, eh, kind of crossing a line there, glee. 

Walter - as in he was an unneeded plot device. And also, this is kinda a creepy introduction. 

Music: 

Bitch: Never has there been a more perfect song for a character.  I’m kinda surprised they didn’t use this earlier in the series. 

Thousand Miles: Rachel and Sam’s voices blend pretty well, tbh.  This is a sweet song, and nicely done.  I think it’s a little too long in the episode, but the episode had such little music in it, I’m sure that’s why a longer cut was there. 

Rock Lobster: I mean, it’s fun, and kinda weird, but VA songs feel incredibly unnecessary as we wind down time on the series clock. 

Whip It: Like Rock Lobster, the performance was kinda crazy in an entertaining way -- but we really didn’t need the last five minutes of this episode dedicated to VA performances, and this one could have been easily cut.  It almost feels like they didn’t know what to do with their time here (maybe this script was originally one script), and added on another song just to have another song.  

Final Verdict: This episode is definitely hilarious, and has moments of absolute brilliance.  Sue meddling with Klaine is incredibly entertaining.  There are some tired elements, the resurgence of Will v Sue and too much heaviness on Vocal Adrenaline performances, but otherwise a pretty solid hour.  

[gleefail]

Glee Memories: 1x14 Hell-O

A long, long time ago, as Glee was approaching graduation in Season 3, I found myself nostalgic with some rare free time on my hands. So I decided to rewatch the series from the beginning and jot down some memories, discrepancies that have arisen since, fave quotes, tally solos - all that good stuff, strictly for shits and giggles.

8 years later (eek!) and once more I find myself with an unexpected abundance of free time. With so many revisiting or being newly introduced to the show between binge watching during Quarantine and all the tragedy that has surrounded the show since it went off the air, I figured I’d finish what I started. And by finish, I mean go through the end of S3. Cause I truly cannot acknowledge what happened after that. Except for 5B.

Kicking this off by reposting the first 15 episodes I already went through. Enjoy!

1x14 Hell-O Let the record show: the “So here’s what you missed on Glee” guy is now the guy we have come to know and love (Ian Brennan, right?)

“We’re glitterati. I feel like Lady Gaga.”

Add Mercedes to the list of Glee clubbers who’ve been slushied!! So it’s Rachel, Finn, Quinn, Kurt, Puck, Mr. Schue, and Mercedes. Leaving…Santana, Britany (has she EVER been slushied?), Artie, Matt and Mike. Right?

Will: Now you’re saying we have to place at Regionals or the Glee club’s gone? Me: That’s what he said in the first place!! What is going on?! Figgins; Schue, that was the deal from the beginning. Me: *satisfied* Hooray for continuity!

“Those spotlights in the auditorium don’t run on dreams.”

Sue’s back!

haha. Sue blowing on Figgins’ ear ‘romantically’

“Would’ve gotten you one, Will, but…I don’t like you.”

So…Finn sucks at basketball and is depressed.

Yeah, Puck just told Quinn he’s not break ing up with her but she needs to stop supersizing cause he doesn’t dig on fat chicks. A couple things: 1. Last episode didn’t she turn him down saying she was doing this on her own? In the words of my one true love Trouty Mouth, “that’s what I thought.” 2. Puck doesn’t dig on ‘fat chicks’? #oops Glee.

“I’m pregnant!” “And that’s MY fault?” …Puck might be as simple-minded as Finn.

So Finn and Rachel are dating now. When did that start? Who decided that? Might’ve been nice to see…

Oh yeah. Sue drugged Figgins and blackmailed him to get reinstated. Damn, I miss when this show had balls to do stuff like this and not apologize for laughing hysterically at it.

Damn, Figgins is hairy as hell.

“What do you guys say when you answer the phone?” “Waddup?” “Who dis be?” “No, she’s dead. This is her son.” HA!

Did Alexander Graham Bell really answer his phone “Ahoy ahoy!”? Can I start answering my phone like that? I CAN AND I WILL!

haha. Rachel wears training bras.

“Only this time I can just lean over and kiss you if I want to…and I want to.” Still makes my ovaries tingle. Lalalerr.

“We were seduced by the glitz and glamour of showbiz”

I’ve just pinpointed my problem (if you can call it that) with the Will/Finn relationship: I feel like we never really saw it start. It just doesn’t sit right with me. It’s always felt forced and like “look at how close and father/son they are” but…when did that start or develop into that so we could fall in love with it along the way? Answer: it didn’t. They just started saying it was already to that point rather than showing us how they got there, if that makes sense. Compare that to the Sue/Becky relationship and how we’ve watched it progress and how invested I am in that and there’s a clear difference. I wonder why they did this this way. And how much more I might care if they hadn’t. Hmm.

“Oh you mean like, meeting other girls? Cause I think I’m dating Rachel. At least she sure thinks I am.” #BlessFinnsHeart Also, why does Glee leave this unclear? :(

Mr. Schue just told Finn he wants him to sing. Finn’s response “so that’s why the band’s here” and a dopey grin. #BlessFinnsHeart

Ok. I’ve never been the biggest fan of Finn. I think he’s funny when they let him be humorous. But he’s never been my dreamboat on this show. HOWEVER…Finn in pursuit of a lady is Finn at his hottest in my opinion. I pay attention when that’s happening, lol.

Apparantly Kurt agrees. He is like a cat in heat over there. Lordy!

Aw, Brittana walk with linked pinkies. Forgot about that being their thing. I love that Quinn sees that and immediately knows they’re up to something, lol.

So…Finn thinks he’s dating Rachel…and agrees to go on a threesome date with Brittana…and when Rachel kinda catches him, he lies. Oh boy. Why did they make this unhealthy from the start if we were supposed to be rooting for this as the power couple on the show?

Rachel’s speech to Finn when he says he doesn’t wanna be her boyfriend is effing spot on.

God. I’ve been in Rachel’s position where her andFinn just ended things and he’s immediately flirting very openly with other girls right in front of her like he could give a shit. I feel your pain, girl.

Aw. Puck and Quinn are being supercute during this song.

“I’m sorry. I was just focusing on the first syllable.”

“Your rendition of Don’t Rain On My Parade was flawed. You totally lack Barbara’s emotional depth.” PREACH!

Haha. Jesse reads celebrity biographies for lifestyle tips.

I love Jonathon Groff on this show. LOVED him in Spring Awakening and was so stoked to hear he’d be on this show. I gotta say, his chemistry with Lea Michele is flawless.

Haha. Confession: I love Lionel Ritchie. And this song makes me giggle cause of the video he did for it.Heeee!

Aw. Finn was a dipshit and dumped her and now the star of Vocal Adrenaline, who is just as crazy driven as she is, asked her out. Even rewatching it I’m happy for Rachel Berry.

“There was a mouse in mine.”

I love Brittana talking about the hottest guys in school right in front of Finn like he’s not even there.

Is it just me, or is it gross that they put a lemon slice on your spaghetti at Breadstix? Yuck.

“You buy us dinner, and we make out in front of you.” Oh Brittana. :)

“Those sweaters make her look homeschooled.”

“Don’t make fun of Rachel. She’s kinda cool….” “Finn. That’s mean.”

“Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?”

Ugh. I still hate this Wemma scene to Hello Again. So boring.

“I dunno why but…I’ve always had a soft spot for this song” Oh ouch. Knowing now why…ouch.

Emma’s a virgin. I remember thinking “well damn. This’ll drag out forever…”

What. The hell. Is that picture Rachel has in her locker of Jesse? It looks like she drew it herself in crayon. Omg. How’d I never notice that before. Ha!

Ok, WORST way to get a girl back EVER: repeat Finn’s words to Rachel right now. “I realized I don’t wanna date other girls. Only you. You do talk too much and usually you just talk about yourself but…at least I don’t feel alone when I’m with you.” – EFF YOU, FINN! Also, remember when Mr. Schue told Rachel she’d find a boy whose favorite parts about Rachel would be the bad stuff? Yeah, so far that’s not Finn.

Atta girl, Rachel!

I’m sorry, but it’s douchey that Finn ran to Mr. Schue to tattle on Rachel dating the competition. Like…so what? My God. My students date kids in other showchoirs all the time. In real life, kids make great friendships with kids in other choirs. …but it’s Glee.

“I didn’t wear a bra and I had them turn on the air-conditioning.”

“I am engorged with venom and triumph.”

Vocal Adrenaline are inhumanly good dancers. My. God.

Yaaaaay, Idina Menzel!

“You wanna look so talented it’s literally hurting you. I want a look so optimistic it could cure Cancer.”

Will is concerned with the ‘fraternizing with the enemy’ aspect of the Rachel/Jesse relationship. Oh my God. Get over yourself or you’re in for a lot of trouble over the years,Will. How can he do this and then preach that he wants to blur the lines between Football/Cheerios and Glee Club? Double-standard hypocrite. I’m annoyed with him.

And now Will and Shelby are makin’ out. While he’s still pursuing Emma. Oh boy. You jerk. Also, as hot as Matthew Morrison is, I still watch this and think this couldn’t be fun for Idina. Cause she’s married to Taye Diggs and I imagine nothing compares to the kisses of Chocolate Lovin’ (as I call him).

“Are you gay? Cause most of the showchoir directors I make out with are gay.”

“Cut the butter, Benedict Arnold.”

Okay, I will say, as much as it annoys me, the way Tina, Artie, Kurt and Mercedes are presenting their concerns over Rachel being with Jesse makes perfect sense and kinda won me over. They’re only asking her to hold off until after Regionals so they don’t risk a repeat of what happened at Sectionals. Mercedes said they’re all happy that she’s happy but they’re worried he might be playing her. This sounds like genuine concern for her and hesitancy to trust the competition. Very different than the game Schue and Finn are playing.

“Look, we not saying that dude is playing you-“ “He’s playing you.” Kurtcedes love.

It is sad to watch them threaten to quit or kick her out if she doesn’t break up with him and she’s being vulnerable and asking how they could do that to her.

Aw. Poor Rachel. :( Jesse’s so good for her!

“Everyone is replaceable. Even you.” I love that someone (Kurt) said this to Rachel. And meant it. I hate that the show has since forgotten that nugget of truth though.

The McKinley High Old Maids Club.

Another Lauren Zizes sighting! Yay!

This Emma and Terri scene makes me so uncomfortable.

“I carry a rape whistle!”

Rachel is talking crazy and Jesse just laughed at how cute she is and how much more of a drama queen she is than him. Listen, I didn’t LOVE this pairing the first time around, but right now…perfection.

Hello was Terri and Will’s junior prom song. Ouch.

This is very smart and mature that Emma and Will are not pursuing their relationship yet because he needs to be alone for awhile. It made me sad at the time but…it’s ridiculous to think for a second that he doesn’t need a break between divorcing the woman he’s been with since he was 15 and heading into another relationship. Well done, Glee.

Rachel tells Finn to spread the word she ended things with Jesse. He tells her he wants to be with her and that he circled some dates on her ‘crazy calendar’ (eff you, Finn). Um, wtf? She just broke up with someone else that she didn’t want to break up with (well, not really but, as far as Finn is concerned) and he’s assuming she’ll want to get back together with him? Ugh. Douche Finn.

haha, Finn seems extremely confused that Rachel is rejecting HIM for a change. I actually really like this dynamic.

I hate to admit it, but…Finn is super hot in Goodbye/Hello. I’m tellin’ ya, the only dreamboat Finn in my world is a Finn in pursuit of a lady…

SOLOS: Finn (2), Rachel (3), Jesse (2)