#I’m built different. id eat it

[sirenlulls]

feels like ➞ e. hewson

pairing — elijah hewson x fem!reader (gracie abrams fc)

fic type — social media au

met you at the right time. this is what it feels like!

♡ liked by gallagher_anais, izzyrichmond_, and 663,982 others

yourusername hello dublin!! i missed u angels sm 🫶 the last time i played a home show it was to a crowd of 200 at most & while i’ll always be grateful for those intimate shows and the family we built, i am so so so grateful and excited to play a sold out 3arena tomorrow with some very special guests ;) see you soon 💋

user SPECIAL GUESTS???? she’s definitely bringing inhaler out for a song or something

user no because didn’t she say on an ig live a few months ago that she helped eli write perfect storm…

user STOP ID CRY

joshjenkinson_ LFG!!!! 🤍🤍

user WHAT DO YOU KNOW JOSHUA.

evehewson beautiful beautiful girl 🫶

yourusername i love u to the moon and back by gorgeous eve ☹️💗

jordanjoyhewson ⭐️girl!! So excited for you x

user her friendship with eli’s sisters is so special to me

user im so excited i’ve been looking forward to this for months 😭😭

oliviarodrigo sososoooooooo proud of u baby 🥹

yourusername UGH!! my liv my life i love u too much

user you’ve grown so much in the past year im inconsolable

bobbyskeetz they were lovely leaves

yourusername getting the snow angel practice in early x

ynhq getting our bows ready!!

elijahhewson you betrayed me with that picture 💔

yourusername the job of a girlfriend is to humble, i’m sorry babe xx

phoebebridgers 🖤🖤🖤

ryanmcmahon_15 just updated their story!

♡ liked by jojolovedog, lizzymcalpine, and 721,798 others

yourusername thank u thank u thank u all for giving me the perfect end to an already perfect tour… speaking of perfect things…. thank u to my angels inhalerdublin for joining me onstage for an encore. i love u guys so much & performing with u was a gift in and of itself 🫶 i’ll miss performing live but i’m so happy to be able to settle down for a while with those close to me. i love u all so so so much. thank u for supporting me 💗💗💗

user do you understand how many lives were impacted by this show.

user this is my boobgenius

reneerapp born to serve 💋

inhalerdublin thanks for having us 🫶❤️

yourusername i was looking at josh when he typed this guys just fyi

ryanmcmahon_15 i, too, ❤️ inhaler!

nieveella stunning beautiful yummy delectable talented showstopping amazing gorgeous perfect (storm)!!!!!!!

yourusername love u sm ☹️💋

user my roman empire

katiegavs can i get a kiss… pls

yourusername anything for u 💋💋

user post concert depression has already started to kick in

user u and eli sharing a mic for the perfect storm chorus had me 🥹🥹🥹🥹 IM UNWELL

stellajones IT GIRLLLLLL

gallagher_anais don’t mind me, just sobbing in my little corner 🥺🫶💗

yourusername ani babyyyyy i love u sm ☹️☹️

yourusername updated their story!

♡ liked by lilamoss, joshjenkinson_, and 699,810 others

yourusername a special thank u to this loser who means the world 2 me. don’t know why u decided to eat that paper but… i still love u forever and ever and ever and ever and… ever!!!

user omg the last pic in dying did they grow up together???

yourusername we went to the same playschool!! went to different primary & secondaries tho 💔

user THATS SO CUTE WTF

elijahhewson you love posting bad pics of me

yourusername you’re a leo you’ll be fine

elijahhewson love you and proud of you always 🤍

yourusername ILY BITCHHHHHHH

bobbyskeetz poor lad was starving

maisiehpeters so cute 🥹❤️‍🩹🎀

evehewson My faves ❤️❤️❤️❤️

user my alex turner & alexa chung fr

chappellroan IM CRYINGGGG YOU GUYS ARE THE CUTEST EVER

laufey 🥺🥺🥺💞💞💞

[im-a-simp898]

If furries were real, how far into the animal features would you fuck?

Imagine a spectrum of furryness with each possible combination of human & animal features existing in real life. This spectrum would range from a normal human with the simple addition of cat ears on the tame end, with the other end of the scale being a fully adult, sentient, & consenting mind but within the body of a dog or other animal with no other human distinguishing features aside from its self awareness and sentience. Unless you’re a pious christian who would refuse the normal woman with cat ears, or a mentally ill zoophile who would have sex with a normal animal, you’ve drawn a line somewhere between those two ends of the scale. I know where my line lies and i’m curious about where yours is.

How far down this scale would you be willing to fuck something? What combination or percentage of human and animal features mixed would be your line that you cannot cross?

Me personally i would stop at super sayian 4 (a transformation taken by sayians in dragon ball gt) which is characterized by the body being covered in a velvet colored fur (with the exceptions of the head, neck, chest, & hands), a monkey like tail, and long, thick, almost mane like black hair with red and black eye markings reminiscent to eyeliner

The reason that ssj4 remains the limit for me is that any further would compromise one of the following hard stops/lines that i cannot cross:

1: a human face. the face needs to remain human lest i experience uncanny valley in bed. even if you go far enough away from resembling a human to avoid uncanny valley i would still refuse to kiss the face of a dog or cat in a sensual manner (albeit backshots may work for hookups that is not sustainable for a long term relationship)

2: chest free of fur/feathers/slime/rough scales (i may be able to tolerate smoother scales idk it’s hard to be sure since there’s no real examples for me to test) This is simply due to me not wanting fur in my hands when i’m grabbing titties, autistic sensory issues also play a part in this. although other parts of the body having fur is tolerable since otherwise it would just look like a baboon ridiculously contrasting its asscheeks from the rest of its body. Regardless i don’t think i could put up with feathers or amphibian slime due to texture.

3: hands & feet: a similar rule applies to the hands but not as strictly at breasts since they aren’t as soft in the first place and as such are less affected by texture. still don’t want them feathery or slimy though. i might be able to tolerate one extra/missing finger or toe but none of that ninja turtle giga finger bullshit

Size is also a limiting factor for me. personally i already don’t like women smaller than 5’5 ish on account of being 6’3 and the size difference just feels weird/ creepy to me so i imagine the same standards would apply to any irl furries. as for a maximum size id say around 10 foot (has to be built similarly to a normal sized woman just scaled up, not like real people who are that tall irl as they are usually built like slender man and i like em big, chunky, round, & plumpy). like with scaly tits this one is hard to give a definitive answer for on account of a lack of test subjects but i imagine needing a stepstool to eat a girl out would be inconvenient (much less living with/being married to her and having to have different sized absolutely everything lmao)

[sullenconeygirl]

Body dysmorphia amongst women:

Do you ever look at someone so beautiful that you just wonder to yourself that this woman has probably never ever felt insecure before because of how “perfect” they look to you? We all do, and I definitely do, but what I’ve realised is that no woman I’ve ever met has ever not said one bad thing about her body. ‘I look so fat today’ ‘my shoulders are too broad’ ‘my nose is so big’ ‘I wish my boobs were bigger’ ‘my thighs are so fat’. I have heard this from almost every woman I have ever spoken to. So I decided to interview a couple of my friends. Friends of mine that I find extremely beautiful and that I also thought could never possibly be insecure about themselves. I asked about what caused their insecurities and how they effect them till this day and wether they think women ever truly love their bodies or not. Here is what a few of my friends said ( most are kept anonymous due to privacy reasons)

Ruby flach :

growing up I always felt different from others. I felt as if my body made me who I am. I feel as if it holds all my value as a women. i compared every feature, every pore every single tiny little flaw that only id be able to notice to the other girls around me. ive never been insanely skinny, and although that’s all I want in life, I never successfully achieve it. during the years of covid, i fell into a deep depression which made my self esteem worse than it already was. i stopped eating, and when I did, I would purge. and the funny thing is, I would be proud of myself for it. it was like a reward to me. but, I think every women can agree that body dysmorphia is almost a never ending thing and it’s part of our lives. Young girls and older women, skinny and fat, we all feel the same. we all equally share the same secret hatred for ourselves. And deep down I know that even if my body changes, my mind won’t.

Anonymous:

basically it started by getting comments and stuff about my looks. Saying stuff like how big my forehead was and how large I was. It also was about my nose and how fat it looked from the front. That was when I was around eleven. I used to get made fun of from year two to around year six and it really affected my confidence and stuff. To this day i still have really bad body dysphoria. I still see myself as that ugly little girl nobody wanted to sit with because she wasn’t pretty enough. I still think I look too fat or too ugly to get any validation or anything. I still try to convince myself that i’m not like that and that i’m not ugly and stuff. I try to surround myself with people who I know won’t make fun of my looks. Who won’t treat me like i’m nothing but my looks.

Anonymous :

It all started when I was 9, it was because of a boy in my primary school. He used to make fun of the way I was built and call me names, so that summer holiday I started having eating problems and it was during covid. When I came back to school I lost a lot of weight, however he’d still call me names and stuff. So I never really felt comfortable in my body. Even after all that I was still being called names. Since then I’ve gained weight and I’ve been trying to get better by playing a lot of sports and stuff but I feel like I’ll never be better and there’s always gonna be something wrong about me. To be honest I don’t really think a woman can ever be truly in love with her body, I have thin friends, thick friends, friends with all body shapes and they’re all insecure about something that they have. From my point of view, I don’t think woman will ever truly be comfortable enough in their own body because of the comments that are directed towards them.

Anonymous :

how it all started was I saw other girls bodies and I was like how can I be skinny like them? but I never knew how to,and I was always disgusted and uncomfortable with my body no matter what I did,I would never be happy, I saw other girls and I would be like she’s so pretty but if I imagined having my face into theirs I knew I y never be happy because I just never liked my body, it also started cause I would get bullied like crazy and I would compare myself a lot cuz of media ,it effects my daily life because like I starved myself so I would get dizzy and got diagnosed w anemia, it effects my relationships w others cause I keep ranting about my body and I feel empty n disappointed with having my body but no one really understood , I tried to get rid of it by being more positive w myself and be healthier cause the more healthier I am the less shitty I feel, I tried that so many times, it never worked but now I’m trying to adjust my mindset and be a better person for myself n others.

These are all responses from some of the most beautiful girls you’ll see, girls who you would look at on the street and admire and be jealous of. but when you really get to know them you realise they are no different from you. 90% of women get eating disorders from the comments they receive and 80% of them start getting those comments at the ages of 7-10. these women will do everything in their power to change themselves but it won’t be because they want to it’ll only be to fit into society and be accepted by others.

Does the ideal body really exist? Is there really a specific body type that could never be hated by anyone. The perfect body, does it exist?

In my opinion I really don’t think it does. Maybe it does to you but that’s just the ideal body in your eyes. But not in everyone’s eyes. Same goes for looks. It’s all subjective. You might look at a supermodel and think to yourself that this is every man’s ideal body type and that there is absolutely no possible way that any man could find her unattractive but that is just not true at all. In my own experience I have had men tell me I’m either too skinny or have the perfect body or that I’m not skinny enough. So no there genuinely is no ideal body type.

In my own experience my ed started very early. When I was around 8 I wasn’t very beautiful but the only thing I would ever get complimented on was how tall and thin I was, and I thought it was the only good thing about me and that if I wasn’t skinny anymore I wouldn’t be good in anyway. So I would eat as little as possible and I would go run every morning with my dad, my parents thought I was just trying to be healthy but I was slowly losing myself to an obsession of staying thin. Then when I got to the age of I think 12 I completely stopped eating, I would starve for 3 days straight and then eat like crazy just to workout like crazy until I’d pass out at the train station omw to school.

I later realised starving only ever made me gain back the weight even quicker. Till this day I wouldn’t say I’m completely healed but I’m a lot better than I used to be. Although I still have times when I gain weight and start getting triggered to go back to my old ways again. And as much as I do I never tell anyone about it because I always feel weird as if I’m attention seeking.

Do I think a woman could ever be truly confident in her own body? No I do not. I think no matter how much a woman changes her body or how much work she gets done there is always going to be that one moment where you’ll still want something on your body to be different wether it be your facial feature or body feature or if your getting old. It never stops the only thing you can do is try to love yourself as much as possible as much as you can so that those moments won’t occur as much but that’s just my point of view. I don’t think it’s possible for a woman to ever get of the misery of body dysmorphia.

[a-substantial-trash-pile]

id be so interested in learning abt ur hlvrai2 idea...

ough ok sorry i’m about to brain dump my unformulated unorganized ideas all over this post (tysm for the ask btw). i don’t expect anyone to read all this, but it’s nice to actually write all the ideas down. WARNING long ass post under cut 👇

so like as i rambled about in this post, essentially the science team is stuck in an endlessly looping simulation that was made as an early test of black mesa’s virtual reality/ai tech. it’s built a lot like a game because that format makes it easier to run tests over and over.

anyways, hlvrai happens, they beat benrey, they go to chuck e cheese. but the party is also a cover for gman to temporarily isolate the science team in a little mini pocket simulation as he tries to fix whatever-the-hell is wrong with the main test one. except he fails.

hlvrai2 starts with gordon waking up on the tram, playing this game to test this cool vr tech for black mesa. except gordon is not excited this time. in fact gordon is freaking out because he remembers everything from the previous loop and he is wondering WHY he’s back here. why isn’t the test over. also he only got to eat 1 slice of pizza at chuck e cheese before everything blacked out so that sucks too.

gordon’s not the only one who remembers the last loop. everyone else who aren’t just random npcs also remember. before it was just tommy, gman, sunkist, and benrey who retained memories of previous loops. tommy and gman because their job is to keep the simulation intact, sunkist because tommy made her like that, and benry because he’s an anomaly (human consciousness and alien program/virus thing melded into one). in benry’s case, the memories are more jumbled and muddled in his head. so things don’t make a lot of sense for them.

anyway my idea is that this new loop that they’re in is even more screwed up than the last one. like the seams are really breaking and shit’s getting through. enemies that never appeared in any iteration before are appearing now. sections of the map have either moved or are missing entirely. there are new places too that don’t exactly look like they belong (bubby opens a closet door to reveal a forest, “what the hell is this narnia shit”). it’s super obvious that their world isn’t “real” and coomer, bubby, and darnold have to come to terms with the fact that they’re ai. although maybe bubby not so much because honestly xe doesn’t really give a shit about having a crisis over it (“I’m already a test tube baby—what difference does it make”). but bubby, like the others, would like to escape these endless loops. so that becomes the team’s main goal: find a way out. oh, and find gman too because he’s been missing ever since the loop restarted and tommy doesn’t know where the hell he is and it’s kind of concerning.

darnold joins the science team because he also remembers the last loop and wow this whole situation is just really messed up i guess i HAVE to go on a epic quest now dang. she takes up the healer role with her potions (not a huge fan of the violence), plus he just tends to fret over others in general. benrey rejoins the science team, which of course leads to tension that has to be worked out. now that benry isn’t coded as the antagonist/final boss anymore, he doesn’t have malicious intentions, but they’re still a little shit. they feels bad about what they did but doesn’t really know how to express it other than riling up gordon. though things get better between gordon and benrey as the adventure progresses and they have to save each other’s asses multiple times. he even says sorry eventually.

sooo i don’t exactly know how they break out yet, but they will stop the loops and escape into the actual main simulation of reality, the one that irl black mesa made to preserve humanity. the science team’s simulation was one of the tests that helped black mesa build the main simulation except nobody thought to stop running that test program—hence why the team’s been looping all this time. but yeah i’m still thinking about how it all ends. and also what the heck i want to do with forzen. i think i want him to be similar to be an ai that a piece of alien virus/coding latched onto. i think the alien virus/code used to be bigger and more intact before irl black mesa began messing with the alien tech, then it got fractured off into pieces that eventually found things in the system to latch onto, which is why forzen’s like “we used to be best friends” to benry. because technically there’s a part of them that used to be part of a bigger thing. idk. i think i want forzen to play a bit of an antagonist role, but not as a really bad one or anything. he’s just misguided. and maybe confused. let’s be real he doesn’t really know what he’s doing.

gman is missing because he’s dealing with his “Employers.” aka the super advanced hivemind ai that helps keep everything running in the background. they think the test simulation isn’t worth having around anymore because it’s becoming more trouble than it’s worth and they think gman isn’t able to handle it, so they’re stepping in. they aren’t the reason the test simulation is breaking down—the deterioration just got their attention. gman’s trying to either convince them to NOT erase it all or just stall them long enough in hopes that the science team figure a way out before the hammer comes down.

i was thinking who the main antagonist WOULD be, but maybe there doesn’t actually need to be one. it’s mostly the science team vs the test simulation. i guess the Employers could be seen as the main antagonist, but they’re just doing what they think is best to keep everything running smoothly.

ok that’s it im going to stop i’ve drained my brain resources. if anyone’s actually read all the way through, wow. thanks for slogging through my ramblings. :’)

[smokeandsteam]

musings #1

i want long curly mermaid hair that hugs my shoulders, but i also want a big ‘ol afro massive enough to create a gravitational pull on nearby objects, and i want pin-straight hair in a high ponytail that makes me look like a bitchy blonde secretary with an equestrian hobby, but i also want a buzz cut with a built-in alarm clock and when i hear it i shoot out of bed, march into the forest, and photosynthesize.

i want to dye it deep purple and green like some ornate water fowl, but also a deep red proportionate with the blood of my enemies, or maybe a pink and blue pastel balayage that reminds me to always eat dessert first.

i want oxford shoes in black and white, or in tan, with smart little stitches, but i also want gladiator sandals that make people think i might have armor on until they get close enough to be stopped, and i want loud sneakers made, not for concrete, but for two pairs of wheels under them, and i also want boots so long i can throw out all my pants, but i also want velvet combat boots, and really classy black high heels sharp enough to raise the dead.

i really want an entire closet of white linen clothes so i can always have that dumb rich lady look on my face, but i also want draping lace blouses the sun can shine through when i jump over that creek in my latin childhood, and i want crop tops that make my neck more attractive than my boobs, but i also want the boobs. maybe, i even want them to peek out of the bottom a little bit.

i want stiff shirt collars, no collars, and dog collars with the y2k spikes, and i want my heart shaped buttons to have a tense conversation with the mouth of my gold plated zippers. i need a harness that reminds you i can be moved, but only if you’re clever enough to know i don’t mean physically.

i want tight skirts that blur a movie screen so that you hear them before you see them, and long pleated skirts to tuck in all my dress shirts and sweaters so that i give off a vibe of innocence, but my lipstick begs to differ, and i want shiny rubber pants, but then id have a lot of power, and with power comes responsibility for things i’ve only considered dabbling in once or ten times.

i want a bespoke suit that throws out the idea of boobs all together, and i want it in a green so dark the forests will whisper “i’m home”, or a blue so soft the sky will give up. i also want it in the classic black with guns and knives hidden in all the pockets along with a glass-etching laser, a box with a single cigarette left inside, and a crumbled up note with ten or so smudged digits.

i want a satin dress that knows everything about me and kind of blinds you while i sing on a stage, but i also want a soft cotton long sleeve dress that trails the ground like flame at an overlord’s footsteps, and i want a dress with my african ancestry screaming in every vivid thread as it comforts me with the willingness to cry about how beautiful life is.

i’d like to smell like roses, but like real ones that you sometimes find dew, or the occasion bug, on, and i want to smell like vanilla and laughter, but i also want to smell like sawdust and cold air that dries out your eyes. i want to smell like sex and sugar while holding a murderous look in my eyes like the evil people in soap operas, and i want to smell like fireworks and dynamite so you know i’m coming from a mile away, or i want a smell that embodies the ocean and makes you want to swim for your life without forgetting the salt that brought you here in the first place.

so, um, what’s my style?

[andrevasims]

Sims Tag

Tagged by @ho3sferatu​! Thanks ^_^

Readmore’d cause it gets a bit long :P

1. What’s your favourite sims death?

Probably fright, cause the animation is so funny like they have time to pause and check their pulse before dropping dead

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match?

I can tell this is aimed at TS4 haha I had to google Alpha CC to check I knew what it meant - So semi-realistic? I mean obviously I lean towards Maxis Match, but if I like how something looks I’ll use it even if it’s not from the same style.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight?

No, that actually happened to Klothilde because she kept eating fish and it takes so long for them to eat fish that she got fat after eating it once lol - But TS2 fat meshes aren’t even really fat, so it doesn’t make much difference to me heh

4. Do you use move objects?

Only for placing deco things, cause I don’t want to end up placing a chair or something that’s actually inaccessible and not find out until after I’ve built everything else around where I placed it

5. Favorite mod?

No Red Pause Lines, cause it’s 500x more annoying if I have to crop that out every time I take a screenshot

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got?

University, I pretty much got all the TS2 stuff as it came out heh

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing?

aLIVE, but I think about it more like how a TV show says “We’re live” or something since that’s where the game actually progresses in time

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

Cirrus! There’s some close seconds, but Cirrus actually has history in my game versus just being a face I liked, and the way her parents’ genetics created the little side smirk she has that I don’t think I could recreate in CAS

9. Have you made a simself?

I did when I was 13 - I was exactly at that age where child sims felt too young to represent myself, but teen sims felt too old. I went with a child sim just for the proportions lol but yeah that was the last time I was interested in making a simself.

10. What sim traits do you give yourself?

Well to keep it TS2 themed, I think it’d be something like this:

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color?

Um black? That’s always the default color I pick when doing any sort of dress up game

12. Favorite EA hair?

fhairshorttuckin:

It’s the only hair I’ve never fully replaced with a default, I just do a texture default

13. Favorite life stage?

Adult I guess, they just have the most stuff available to do

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

Both, I like building but I like to play the lots I build. And when I’m playing, I think of what kind of builds would be fun to play, and so the gameplay also inspires my building.

15. Are you a CC creator?

Kind of? I’ve made clothing recolors, makeup, hair recolors, etc. but I haven’t done anything besides sharing lots/sims in a while.

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad?

Not particularly, I have mutuals that I always like seeing on my dash/activity but I’m not the most talkative person on tumblr lol

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4)

2 of course ^_^

18. Do you have any sims merch?

No? lol

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims?

Technically yeah, it’s my “personal” YT account but 90% of my videos are of The Sims.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing?

I used to do more semi-realistic CC, just based on what I’d accumulated and liked the look of at the time. I still have a lot of that CC in my Downloads, I just don’t use it as often anymore as more recently downloaded Maxis match stuff.

21. What’s your Origin ID?

idk, I think I have one but I’ve never shared anything for TS4 so it’s kinda useless lol

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator?

Ooh that’s a tough one, @platinumaspiration​ comes to mind cause I really love how bright/colorful a lot of their CC is and I like a lot of the clothing/hair styles :)

23. How long have you had a simblr?

2012.............. lol

Here is the 1st post I ever made on here, it’s for TS3 and has way more straightness than my game has had in years lmao

24. How do you edit your pictures?

I explained it here sort of a few years ago, but I have a newer version of Photoscape and I don’t have access to Photoshop anymore. I still do the highlight/shadow tweaking stuff, but I use Photoscape to do that now.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next?

Well obviously that’s not a question for TS2 lol but something that both TS3 and TS4 have that would’ve been cool in TS2 is careers that you can actually play/interact with instead of the sim disappearing for 8 hours.

26. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far?

Nightlife, I love everything about the themes/aesthetic/gameplay, it has objects/features I use more than any other EP to this day, it’s just exactly my style.

Tagging: @krabbysims​​ @potentialfate-sims​​ @aondaneedles​​ @simmer-until-tender​​! Feel free to ignore if you’ve done it already haha

[antigonewinchester]

dean/alastair!!

Peak horror!! Will not be able to listen to “Cheek to Cheek” as a simple love song maybe ever again. Gets at my Id in exactly the right sicko, darkfic spot.

On the meta level, Dean going to Hell changed the entire show, and in-universe, those 40 years stayed w/ Dean for a long, long time afterward, with Dean/Alastair being a key part of that trauma. It continues the thread around Dean & violence that starts w/ 1x06 and the image of him as a satanic murderer/torturer, plus brings in the parallels w/ Dean as a kid forced into being a hunter by John, with Alastair as a literally demonic father-figure who makes Dean into a thing to use in hurting others. The threads around Dean, hunting, & sexual violence present in early seasons are pushed even further; the casting agents knew exactly what they were implying in casting Mark Rolston as Alastair #1, aka the actor who played Bogs, the infamous prison rapist, in The Shawshank Redemption.

Dean/Alastair is very much a hightened portrait of real life horrors & traumas—kidnapings & captivity, torture & body horror, sexual violence & rape, victims made complicit in their abuser’s violence, hurting others, & the resulting moral wounds—and it being fictional makes it personally feel like a safer space to think abt & explore these ideas. (The difference between reading a story abt Dean/Alastair vs. reading abt the real-life Fritzl case.) There’s also no ambiguity: Dean/Alastair is a relationship built on literal torture, rape, abuse, & psychological horror. There’s no pretty-ing it up; it’s very much “dead dove do not eat,” and in that way actually somewhat one-note. So I know what I’m getting into, and I’ve not seen anyone (yet) write abt it except as the horror story it is.

[sailforvalinor]

Okay but wait, you went to Athens?! I’m going there for a couple days this June! Do you have any recommendations for what to see/eat while I’m there? (I’ll for sure see the Acropolis but other than that the itinerary is pretty open)

OOOOH that’s so exciting!!! I’m gonna try not to go overboard but here are a few of my favorite things:

• Monastiraki Square—depending on how you come at it, of course, it’s on the way to the Acropolis, and there’s a VERY cool open air market there. (There’s a giant sign, you can’t miss it.) Just make sure you keep a hand on your purse, it’s quite well-known for pickpocketing. Also, if you head up to the Acropolis from there, you’ll pass Hadrian’s Library, which is a really cool set of ruins where you can clearly see the different layers of where it was built over over time. But you won’t really be hard-pressed to find ruins in Athens, and the entry fees are usually pretty cheap—just make sure you always have some form of ID on you, sometimes they’ll ask for that.

• Also, if you take that way up to the Acropolis, you’ll pass Mars Hill (also called the Areopagus), which is where Paul preached to the Athenians in Acts! It’s a bit graffitied over (but that’s just kind of how Athens is), but it’s still REALLY cool, and you get a gorgeous view of the city from up there. Just be careful up there, it’s pretty much just a big rock and I almost fell many times 😂

• Bus tours are also fun if you want to see a broader swath of the city—there are a bunch that leave from Syntagma Square (and they’re double-decker!).

• Speaking of Syntagma, you could see the changing of the guards—they do it every hour, but the only time they do it in full-costume is at 11 am on Sundays. It was interesting, but honestly I think you could skip it, it’s not much to write home about.

• However, what you should NOT skip is the National Gardens—it’s fairly close to Syntagma, entry is free if I’m remembering correctly, and it’s absolutely gorgeous. They have turtles!!!!

• You could go to the Panathenaic Stadium, although they do charge entry. I would say just to go look at it if you really want to see it, but I don’t know that’s it’s worth paying to go inside—I did go inside once, but that was during the Marathon in November when everyone got in free, lol.

• In terms of food, in a strange twist, the Americanized version of Greek food is actually a lot lighter than the authentic kind—true Greek food (or at least in this area of Greece) is a lot heavier. It’s a lot of pasta and meat. I wasn’t actually the biggest fan of it, but if you want to try the staples, go for moussaka or souvlaki, which will be at almost any restaurant. What you definitely need to get though is tzatziki—oh my GOSH that stuff is wonderful.

• Also, you have to try lemon Coke and oregano Lay’s—I’m convinced that when the Ancient Greeks were imagining what ambrosia and nectar tasted like, they were dreaming of the flavors of lemon Coke and oregano Lay’s. I’ve found that no American variation (even with Freestyle machines) even compares to Greek lemon Coke.

• I found that gyros actually aren’t all that popular (or at least in this part of Greece)—I only ever had two in my four months of living there. They were really good, though.

• The coffee is great everywhere, honestly. One of the most popular drinks there is freddo, which is definitely worth trying if you’re big on espresso drinks. It is very intense, though.

• Dinner was honestly one of my biggest culture shocks while I was there. They don’t really start eating dinner until 7 at the earliest (and even that’s a little early)—so be prepared to get odd looks if you go get dinner at 5:30 (not that you can’t, of course). Also, it’s general practice to sit around and talk after your meal for hours—I saw families out with their little kids at 11 pm. Again, you don’t have to do this, but don’t be surprised when you see it, lol. Also, because of this, they consider it rude to interrupt you by bringing you your bill, so you have to ask for it by flagging down a waiter—I once got stuck for nearly an hour because I was waiting for a bill 😂.

• If you’re there on a Sunday, be warned that most stores and restaurants will be closed—there are exceptions, but it’s easy to get stuck somewhere without anything to eat.

I’m so excited for you, I hope you have fun!!

[keneestorytimelibrary]

Rockey Chapter 13

‘Questa donna mi fa impazzire!’ I said to myself as I held onto my last pack of cigarettes. I had three packs at the beginning of the week. It is now Tuesday, and I have two cigarettes left! Che diavoto devo fare con due sigarette?!

And Antonio and Nicoló stopped buying me cigarettes; they won’t even let me bum a fucking smoke! “Tutti mi stanno facendo impazzire!” By 10am, both cigarettes were finished.

I was already in a bad mood because of the constant “family” calls I’ve dealt with earlier this morning. Then Celia kept bothering me about decorating the house for the holidays. ‘L’estate è appena iniziata!’

My four-story office building was designed so that each floor dealt with different aspects of my business. For example, the first floor dealt with packing and distribution of some of our products and accessories. The warehouse was attached to the first floor, so that it was easily accessible. The second floor was where our software techs and engineers worked. The third floor dealt with customer service. The fourth floor was where the conference rooms, and offices of the Board members reside. I even have an office built for one of my assistant who deals with my real estate properties. 

The second my secretary saw my face, she hid behind a stack of paperwork and a filing cabinet. But I didn’t have time to deal with her and her stupidity. I just walked past her, and went straight into my office. Nico, Antonio, and Celia walked in right behind me. 

“Tracy!” I yelled. My jumpy secretary stuck her head inside. “Give me my schedule, and a cup of coffee.” She quickly nodded and left to grab the itinerary.

“Dios mio Raffaele!” Antonio exclaimed. “Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of a lonely bed.” I threw a pen directly at his forehead, leaving a dark red mark.

“Stai zitto idiota!” I yelled. My secretary walked in at that moment, and I may or may not have scared her. She dropped everything and ran back outside. I had to mentally slap myself, ‘This was going to be a long day.’

By noon, I was once again disturbed by my cell phone going off. Even without checking the caller ID, I knew who was calling.

“What do you want Ragazza?!” I asked in annoyance.

“Rude! Can’t you even say hi!?” she responded in return.

“Look Ragazza, I don’t have time for your shit. What do you want?” I asked.

“Did you eat?” she asked randomly.

The question threw me off. “I’m not hungry.”

“Obviously you’re cranky cause you haven’t eaten yet. Nicoló texted me and said you were having a bad day, and it may or may not be because of me.” she said stifling a laugh.

Without a moment's hesitation, I went off. “Ragazza, you left me with only two cigarettes! I SMOKED BOTH BEFORE I GOT HERE! And Antonio and Nico won’t get me anymore! I don’t have time to go out and buy more!” I exclaimed. I had gotten so fed up with her, that I nearly punched my desk.

There was a moment of silence; I thought she had hung up on me due to my yelling. Just as I was about to hang up, she asked, “So are you going to tell me what you want to eat, or are you going to eat what I get you?”

Within 45 minutes, I had the Ragazza in my office with some sandwiches and other snacks. She quickly prepped a small area on my desk, and laid out a chicken sub, a bottle of water, and chips. I sat on my chair, half expecting for her to throw something at me. But nothing happened. She grabbed her food, and her bag, and started to head out.

“Where are you going?” I asked. The question came out before I had a chance to think it over. ‘What am I doing?’

She turned around, equally as surprised as I was. “I have Arthur waiting for me outside.”

I took out my phone, and quickly called Arthur. I don’t know what possessed me. “Arthur, come back in an hour to pick up the Ragazza.” With that, the conversation ended. She had a look of worry and confusion.

She walked up to me and asked, “Are you planning to kill me?”

“If I wanted to kill you, I would’ve. And no one would find your body.” I said simply, quickly pushing back the many ways I would make that happen.

“Please! I’d fuck you up before you get a chance to touch me.” she quickly said. 

‘Did she just…?’ I asked myself. She didn’t even flinch when I spoke; she just made herself comfortable in the chair across my desk. She didn’t ask me to explain what I had said; she instead asked me about my work. And then somewhere along the line, the conversation turned into a basketball game (with a paper ball and waste basket).

The current score was 4 to 5 (I was in the lead). She jumped off the side of my desk, and landed on my back. I grabbed the waste basket and held it against my chest.

“CHEATER!” she screamed.

“My office, my rules!” I yelled back. At that moment, the office door opened, revealing Nico, Celia, Antonio, and Tracy. Everyone remained frozen in place, and for a few minutes, not a sound was made. The Ragazza took this opportunity to jump off my back, take the waste basket from my chest, and score.

“That doesn’t count!” I yelled.

“Kiss my ass! That was a 2-pointer!” The Ragazza exclaimed. 

‘Questa donna mi fa impazzire’ With that, I began chasing after her, staying within the confines of my office. 

“What is going on here?” Antonio asked in an annoying ass voice.

“What the fuck is she doing here?” Celia asked, completely irritated at the sight of the Ragazza.

Nico only smiled at the sight of the Ragazza and I. “I don’t know what is going on here. But...he looks happier for sure.”

[vaderatemydog]

“CONSERVATIVE and REPUBLICAN CHRISTIANS, BURN IN HELL. SINCERELY, ME.”

When you post something like this, you clearly need help. I’m going to expose this thought that someone put on their blog. How evil can you get really? To wish someone to burn in hell is about as low as you can get. Just cause you have a difference in opinions or think that you should be able to butcher your baby’s. (Assumption) I hope someday this statement eats at you but it will likely mean nothing and just float off into the wind. The same individual also told someone to drink bleach and die. This new generation is truly more evil than we’ve ever been. Openly professing witchcraft and practicing rituals and satanic worship. Even in the past when those things were done, at least they had the sense to hide it. Even Satan hides who he is and is a reptile, a chameleon and is camouflaged so as to make him appear like an angel of light. But to be so openly bold and outright as to wish people to burn in hell is just sad.

My question is, do people of this generation have a turning point; once they start getting grey hair and their friends and family abandon their selfish self-entitled ways? What will it take to realize that life isn’t just about sex, money, or entertainment? Just like the most successful baby boomers of today who have built a foundation from hard work so we need to build a foundation of morality. It’s easy to throw morals out the window and just think about the fleeting pleasures of life, but can you sacrifice that and take the narrow path? The path that requires watching what you say, the path that requires self sacrifice and death of ego, a path that leads to a better place. It’s not easy to live as a Christian should live. Hell id rather live like a satanist and do whatever the hell I want and not live under many guidelines. To take the high road you’re promised tough times, rugged terrain and pitfalls such as temptation and easy outs. I’m not saying that Christian’s or conservatives are good. Or are more holy if we choose not to feed our every desires like the world tells us to. In fact I’ll argue that we’re all imperfect and imperfection can’t be absolutely good. We may have some good speckled here and there but to the core, we’re all inherently bad. We’ve all made tons and tons of mistakes.

But anyway, it really comes down to how individual of a person are you? Are you following this current influx of people and their influence or are you still adhering to the ways of our parents and their parents and of our ancestors? Cause yes it’s easy to blend in to be just like your “friends” and influences around you, but when things start to go south and you’re abandoned and you’re left with you, yourself, will you wish people to burn in hell if they don’t live just like you think they should or will you die to yourself and be reborn into something greater than hate, bitterness, and greed.

[kingfishered]

Roach had missed Ghost’s terrible jokes, as much as he hated to admit it to himself. He’d missed everything about Ghost, even his penchant for shitty puns.

Even his infuriating stubbornness.

Maybe it was hearing his actual name, spoken like that by Ghost for the first time in years, but as he stared at Ghost with his jaw set considering his words, he found himself being swayed. Of course he’d come back with him - that part was out of the question - it was the rest he was thinking about.

Also, this place wasn’t a shithole. Ghost calling it that was almost enough to make him change his mind again. He made his offence known with a sharp glare his way.

Then, he did something that was probably stupid - he gave in.

He grabbed some gauze from the first aid kit, then shoved it into Ghost’s hand, which he then (maybe a little rougher than he needed to) pressed it down against the wound for him.

He wished Simon hadn’t been wearing gloves, so he could feel the skin of his hands against his own.

‘You can’t stitch it and watch me at the same time, so hold that and try not to pass out. If you do, it’s your fault,’ Gary signed, tactful as ever. Then, he got himself comfortable on the floor and prepared to tell him everything.

‘I woke up in hospital. Still don’t know how I got there, someone must have found me and realised I was still alive. I was very burnt—’ he paused to lift the right side of his shirt and reveal extensive scarring up his side, then dropped it to continue, ‘—so was my throat. I had to have surgeries, I can breathe and eat now but I can hardly talk anymore. Not that it makes much of a difference.’

It did make a difference. He had been distraught when he’d realised it. After all the effort he’d put in to finding his voice again after a childhood of hardly speaking, having it taken away again and knowing he could never get it back had been… a lot to deal with.

Then came the more sensitive part of the story. He could detach himself from all the medical side of things, like he was speaking about someone else, but not this. He shifted where he sat on the floor and took a breath, then continued.

‘I ran away because I was scared. Shepherd, mostly. Him sending someone after me to finish the job. I’ve got a fake ID, in the village I’m known as Adam. It’s about an hour walk there, I go once a week and they don’t ask questions.’

Gary looked over at the radios, Ghost had wanted an explanation for those too.

‘I built this all myself. I wanted to… keep track of things. Gather what I could about Shepherd through intercepting transmissions with or about him. Make sure he wasn’t coming for me. See if I could find dirt on him. I… definitely know a lot of things I shouldn’t, now,’ he let out a quiet, slightly nervous laugh, ‘Look - I’ll show you.’

He stood up and moved over to the wall of radios, leaning it close to begin fiddling with the array of buttons and switches. He turned a few dials, too, and eventually the static that had filled the room cleared into speech.

‘The majority of what I get is useless, but-’ he opened a drawer and pulled out a thick binder. It was full of information - the actually useful bits - transcripts of conversations he’d listened in on and compiled facts and theories. It wasn’t all Shepherd, either. He’d dug up a lot, and there was no doubt it was all illegal.

‘There’s some gold in there, if you know where to look,’ Gary seemed proud of himself, smiling over at Ghost. He turned off the radio after a moment, moving back to drop down onto the floor with Ghost again.

‘Anything else?’

Ghost had half a mind to argue with him then and there.

Later. Later. He had to be fucking around, surely? Five years was more than later enough, he wasn't about to let a little leg wound get in the way of finding out what had happened to him. 

…had it been Ghost’s fault? Was that why he didn't want to tell him?

He was blaming himself either way. 

Ghost did enjoy the bemused look that Roach gave him with the joke, however. He'd missed the confused expressions of amusement that the man offered, especially when he'd pull out his long, trusty backlog of puns.

He'd give him some more later, some to make up for all the time they were apart. Maybe Roach had even missed the terrible jokes, but Ghost doubted it.

As Roach continued, Ghost imagined that 'listening' was putting it lightly. It was probably more along the lines of nervously scouring over every radio signal he could get his paws into, trying to decipher…

What?

He didn't even know what Roach was doing out here, let alone what he was trying to find out from his radios. He wouldn't even tell him what happened to his throat, for fuck's sake.

It wasn't like they had a time limit. Not an official one, anyway. He had to report in eventually, and let everyone back at base know he was still, just about, alive. But for now, he could live in blissful ignorance of the world continuing to turn outside the cabin.

It was just the two of them like it always used to be.

Ghost didn't remember much from their last meeting, either. He remembered running to exfil. There was gunfire, helicopter blades rushing above his head…

Roach was there. 

After that, he didn't remember much at all. He'd taken a bullet to the side of his head, he'd found that out after waking up in the middle of them trying to piece his skull back together, leaving him with a nice thick scar running from his temple and across his scalp.

This time, Roach wasn't there. 

Ghost let his hand drop back down to his side, limp and boneless as he realised that Roach wasn't about to relinquish control that easily.

Unfortunately for him, Ghost wasn't prepared to do that, either.

"Gary, I… I spent the past five years thinkin' you were dead because I fucked up. I fucking mourned you. You know that? So, no. No deal. I- I have to fucking know what happened. I'm not gonna bleed out from this, but I will lose my bloody mind if you don't explain why you're in the middle of fucking nowhere with the decor skills of a crazed conspiracy theorist."

He snapped, just a bit. Hopefully, Roach couldn't find it in his heart to forgive him, but he wasn't about to let things go right back to normal, leave Roach to patch up his wound—that he caused, mind you—and pretend that he hadn't been missing for the past half a decade.

"If you don't want t'tell me now, then I need you to promise you'll come back with me," he said softly, staring up at Roach with big, scared eyes. He couldn't lose him again. He wouldn't. He'd drag him kicking and screaming if he had to. "Not asking you to reintegrate or owt, I just…" Wouldn't be able to cope if I lost you again? "...You can stay at my house for as long as you need to. Not like I'm there at all, the neighbours keep to 'emselves. Nicer than this shithole you're living in."

Truthfully, Ghost just wanted to make sure he didn't lose Roach again, even if he couldn't quite say those words exactly. He'd have to keep him on a very short leash.

[jedibongrip]

title: decaying orbits relationship: anakin/obi-wan rating: T tags: divorce, modern au, still in love warnings: mentions of mental illness, unhealthy relationships, abusive behaviours for full list of warnings/explanation see the ao3 link!!!

summary: Obi-Wan thinks, maybe, he'll always be trapped in Anakin's orbit. Maybe he doesn't mind as much as he should. for @obikin-events bingo prompt: divorce!

read under the cut

The only surprising thing about the phone call is that it’s Leia calling. As soon as Obi-Wan saw her name on the caller ID, he was already searching for his car keys.

“Leia, darling, how are you?” he asked, already knowing that the answer wouldn’t be fantastic, not if she was calling him. There were, after all, limited reasons to be calling one’s ex-stepdad, no matter how many years you spent together. 

Leia sighs. “I’m fine, Obi-Wan. I’m sorry to ask this, but can you come over? Dad’s… not good, again.” 

Not good could mean any number of things. Not good could mean Anakin crashed his car again. Not good could mean Anakin started drinking again. Not good could mean that he’s been fighting and screaming at his kids for days on end. Or that he bought them new phones, a new gaming console, new everything, before he’s paid the utility bill. Not good could mean he hasn’t been home in days. 

“He won’t come out of his room,” Leia continues. It’s hard to say if she knows all the horrible scenarios running through Obi-Wan’s head. “Luke keeps trying to get him to eat but last time he knocked, Dad threw a cup, or something, at the door.”

If he’s not eating, he’s certainly not taking his medication. Obi-Wan sighs. It was so much easier to take care of Anakin back when they lived together, back when he would wake him up with kisses and fill up a glass of water for him to take with his pills. But wasn’t that the problem? That Anakin felt like a patient and Obi-Wan felt like a perpetual caretaker? Wasn’t that the first and last nail in the coffin? 

“Of course, I’ll come over, love,” Obi-Wan says. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Just leave your father be.”

“Luke and I were thinking about going to Mom’s house if you think that’s okay.” Unlike Luke, Leia is never shy when suggesting to go over to Padmé’s and refuses to feel bad about wanting the stability and calm of her house. Anakin used to hate that and got irritated whenever his daughter implied that life was easier when she wasn’t with him. Obi-Wan couldn’t fault her for that.

“I think that might be for the best,” Obi-Wan replies. “Give your mother my love. If you leave before I arrive, remember to lock the door.”

Because, even though it’s been over a year since they divorced, nearly two years since they tried a ‘test separation', Obi-Wan still has a key. 

The drive to Anakin is nearly half an hour and time seems to crawl the closer he gets. When Obi-Wan bought his new place - a lovely, modern condo, full of clean lines and bright colours, so different from the bungalow he bought with Anakin - he stupidly thought that what he needed was space. Space away from Anakin and the wonderful, difficult, painful life they made together. Space away from the late nights wondering where his husband was and space away from the screaming matches and space away from all the resentment that had built up over the years. Mostly, he needed space away from the gentle moments in between the hurt. The soft smiles whenever Obi-Wan brought him coffee in bed, the ‘surprise dates’ that Anakin used to drag him out to, the way Anakin used to say his name like it was a title, pet name, and confession all at once, the hugs underneath the showerhead in the early morning. Despite everything, remembering the soft happiness of those moments washes away the sharp pain of all the others. Right before Obi-Wan signed the papers, he needed to do all that he could to remember the pain, to convince himself to go through with it. He only regrets it a little more than half of the time. 

When he finally pulls up to Anakin’s house (their house, Obi-Wan still sometimes thinks of it as. Like the condo he’s living in now is temporary. Like one day he’ll walk through that front door and never leave again), he sees Luke and Leia sitting on the front curb, both with bulging backpacks by their feet. 

“Hello, darlings,” he greets as he’s walking over. “Your mother is picking you up?”

They nod as Obi-Wan leans down to give them each a quick hug. He misses them terribly and only ever sees them like this, in passing, when one of them has called him to help deal with Anakin. He wishes he managed to patch things up with Padmé, if only for the selfish reason of being invited to all her dinner parties again. The twins hate them and dislike having to dress up and behave properly, but he would give anything to simply eat a meal with them again. To listen to them rambling about whatever high school gossip has caught their fancy. To listen to their jokes and excuses for why they didn't finish their homework on time.

Obi-Wan glances at the house. Only the porch light is on. 

“Do you want me to wait with you?” Obi-Wan asks, slightly hopeful. They glance at each other for a second, before shrugging, scooting over to make space for Obi-Wan to sit next to them. 

Obi-Wan asks them all the questions he used to ask whenever he picked them up from school. Has anything interesting happened? What have they learned? Any new friends?

They dutifully answer each desperate attempt at connection, with minimal sarcasm and snark. It’s only a handful of minutes before Padmé’s sleek SUV stops on the other side of the street, signalling the end of Obi-Wan’s reunion with his the kids. He picks up the backpacks off the pavement and brushes them clean of dirt. Luke and Leia roll their eyes when Obi-Wan holds the bags out to them as if to help them put them on like they’re eight years old again instead of fourteen. They simply grab the straps and fling them over their shoulders. 

Obi-Wan gets a one-armed hug from both before they walk across the street, already bickering about who gets the front seat. Obi-Wan gives a small wave to Padmé, who looks at him with an expression between betrayal and pity. He supposes he deserves it. He gives a small wave and receives a half-hearted one in return. The doors to her car fly open as the kids clamber inside, and her face breaks into a smile so bright that it hurts to look at.

Obi-Wan turns to look at the dark house, which also hurts to look at. With nothing to delay him any further, he makes his way to the door. He gives a huff of annoyance when he finds it unlocked - either the twins really don’t listen to a single thing he says or they knew he would arrive before their mother. 

The path to Anakin’s room feels well-worn and familiar as Obi-Wan walks it, though he does cringe at leaving his shoes on. He flicks the lights on as he walks, taking a moment to assess his surroundings. Everything is slightly messier than Obi-Wan would prefer, but nothing seems disastrously broken or out of place. None of the appliances look freshly bought and Obi-Wan doesn’t see any excessive packaging littering the floors. It’s all a good sign, but it doesn’t tell Obi-Wan much about how Anakin is doing.

Anakin’s door is closed. Obi-Wan hesitates for a second, as he always does when the kids call him. Everything in him wants to fling open the door, to march in and to hold his ex-husband and never let go. Because no number of fights or cups are thrown at his head, snide remarks about his age and hobbies, or paranoid accusations of cheating could ever overwrite the love he has for Anakin. How could they, when it’s still Anakin?

But this is no longer his house, his bedroom, or his husband. He has no right to barge in, no matter what his heart says or what the children whom he loves ask for. So he knocks, gentle but firm, and calls, “Anakin? Anakin, are you in there?”

The sounds of tossing in bedsheets and a mumbled, “Fuck off,” is the response he gets. At least it’s not shouting. 

“I’m opening the door, dear one,” Obi-Wan says because he already made the mistake of listening when Anakin told him to fuck off, and what did it get him? An empty condo and a nearly bi-monthly habit of driving to his ex’s house.

He opens the door slowly, careful not to let the light from behind shine where he knows Anakin will be laying in bed. As he expected, he sees a greasy mop of hair poking out of tangled sheets, a single eye exposed and glaring at him. There are pieces of broken ceramic on the floor - the cup that Anakin threw earlier - and piles of dirty clothing littered about. The air is stale and sour, the curtains drawn tight. 

“Oh, Anakin,” Obi-Wan sighs, stepping gingerly over the shattered cup. He partially closes the door, allowing only a sliver of light to enter, not wanting to overwhelm Anakin. He makes his way to the bed, walking around to what was once his side. He slides off his shoes and perches on the edge. Anakin rolls over to glare at him, before slowly pulling himself towards Obi-Wan. “What happened this time, love?”

Obi-Wan lowers himself so that he’s laying down, letting his arm become Anakin’s pillow as he wraps around him. It takes a few minutes for Anakin to answer, as he seemingly tries to crawl into Obi-Wan’s skin, pressing against him as close as possible. 

“Nothing happened,” Anakin mumbles, lips vibrating against Obi-Wan’s chest. Obi-Wan hums and runs a hand through Anakin’s tangled curls. It’s probably been four, maybe five, days since Anakin last showered. 

“Were you having one of your ‘good times’ before?” Obi-Wan asks. That’s always what Anakin called them, his ‘good weeks’ or ‘good months’ or ‘good days.' The times he had so much energy that he couldn’t sit still, when his words seemed to tumble out of his mouth, fighting to escape first. Anakin was having one of his ‘good months’ when he started dating Obi-Wan. So full of frantic life, his gaze and attention burning, it made Obi-Wan feel like the centre of a strange and wonderful universe. And when it mellowed, when he found the shy, intelligent, earnest man underneath it all, Obi-Wan was already so in love, so ensnared in Anakin’s orbit. As uncertain as his life with Anakin was, it was never all bad. Never bad enough to make Obi-Wan want to leave, not in the beginning. Not really at the end, either. 

Anakin shakes his head. “No,” he whispers. “It was just normal.” Obi-Wan hums again and hears Anakin sniffle against his sweater. “Obi-Wan?”

“Yes, dearest?”

“I miss you.” Anakin only speaks to Obi-Wan’s chest and doesn't look at him when he says it. “I wish you were here.”

“I’m here now,” Obi-Wan says, wanting to never leave again. Anakin used to call him whenever he was late coming home, a pout in his voice, telling Obi-Wan how much he wanted to see him. Obi-Wan could spend eternity with Anakin and he would still ask for another day. 

“You know that isn’t what I meant,” Anakin sniffles again and clears his throat. Obi-Wan presses a kiss against his scalp, ignoring the grease and the tangles. 

“I miss you too, Anakin,” he admits, feeling as guilty as he would if he was confessing to a murder. Because no matter what anyone else says, he did this to them. He knew Anakin was unwell when he started dating him. Padmé told him as much, told him of the sky highs and the oceanic lows, of the accusations and the love-drunk declarations. He knew what Anakin was like and still fell in love with him, clearing every hurdle to make it easier. Anakin may have said and done every horrible thing that he did, but it was Obi-Wan who called it quits. Anakin would have been happy fighting, making up, making love forever, until one of them died and the other wasted away. 

“Can you just stay?” Anakin asks, and Obi-Wan knows he isn’t just asking about tonight. “Please?”

“... Maybe,” Obi-Wan says, knowing that he can’t. Because if he stays once, he’ll never be able to leave again. He only managed to pull himself out of Anakin’s orbit once, barely. He’s still drawn back, circling his old life and his old kids and his old husband like a dying satellite. If he gets any closer, he’s sure he’ll crash and burn. It doesn’t sound so bad, here, holding Anakin, listening to him choking back tears, feeling so at home in his old bed. But he remembers how he felt, so long ago, that fervent need for space and trust and healing - it feels so distant, but he can’t abandon that clarity. 

“When was the last time you took your pills?” he says, instead of sharing any of this with Anakin. (There was a time, years ago, when a single glance would make Obi-Wan spill his guts to Anakin. He either built resolve since then or Anakin forgot that he had that power.)

Anakin shrugs. “They don’t help.”

“They do help, Anakin.” It’s an old argument and Obi-Wan can feel Anakin scowling at him. “I know you don't like them, but take them for me. I’ll get them for you.”

Anakin whines as Obi-Wan detangles himself and slides his shoes back on. He’ll have to sweep before he leaves. Probably put on the laundry (but if he does that, he’ll have to wait to put them in the dryer and put them away. Anakin certainly won't finish the job). It only takes a glance at all the pill bottles in the washroom to see that none of Anakin’s prescriptions have changed, so he shakes out what he needs until his palms rattle with little pills bumping against each other as he walks. He puts them on the bedside table, loose and wobbling until they settle into a fixed spot. 

“I’ll get you some water,” he says to the lump hiding in bedsheets. He takes the opportunity to make some toast and searches for granola bars to bring with him. He realizes that this is the kind of behaviour that Anakin used to call ‘babying.’ Sometimes Obi-Wan doesn’t know what Anakin wanted him to do when they were married and Obi-Wan was practically pulling his hair out in frustration. 

He brings the glass of water and the plate to Anakin, once again stepping over the sharp mess on the ground. Anakin hasn’t moved, but he doesn’t put up resistance when Obi-Wan pulls him into his lap, seeing his face fully for the first time. 

He has dark eyebags, red eyes, and cracked lips. His skin is oily, with little spots of acne dotted around his chin, forehead, and cheeks. There are pillow lines and eye gunk dried in the corners of his eyes. He smiles when Obi-Wan rearranges him so that he can wrap his arms around Anakin and it feels like falling in love all over again. It hurts his heart. 

“Why don’t I give the doctor a call tomorrow, and you can ask about switching meds again?” It’ll probably be a fruitless quest. Anakin’s tried just about every combination, every therapy, every thought exercise that they can think of. But Obi-Wan refuses to think of Anakin as a lost cause, as someone who’ll never improve or get better. And it’s only in times like this that Anakin thinks of himself that way. 

Anakin shrugs. “Whatever.”

Obi-Wan should reach over to grab Anakin’s meds now. He should make Anakin eat something. He should usher him into the shower and restrain himself from joining him under the spray. He should tell Anakin that he can’t keep coming over to clean up his mess, can’t keep driving him to his doctor’s appointments and hospital stays, and can’t keep driving him home every time he gets so drunk that the only number he remembers is Obi-Wan’s. He should remind himself that this is the man he divorced, the man he left, the man who, despite everything, was too angry to put up much of a fight when everything was all said and done. Obi-Wan should let his friends set him up on dates and actually try to get along with them. He should apologize to Padmé again. He should do a lot of things.

But Anakin is so sweet, sitting on Obi-Wan’s lap, even as depressed and messy as he is. He leans on Obi-Wan like he’s the only solid thing in the world - and maybe to Anakin, that’s the case. Obi-Wan curls around Anakin just a little bit more, pulling him closer, only for a minute, he tells himself. Despite - or because of - everything, this is the man that Obi-Wan loves more than anything else, the centre of his universe. No matter how far he tries to stray, he’ll always end up circling Anakin. 

Tomorrow, he’ll call the doctor, which will make Anakin upset. He’ll probably throw something again, in between tears, and Obi-Wan will spend hours convincing him that it’s the right move. Later today, he’ll clean up all the mess around the house. He’ll cook Anakin a proper meal and take out the trash. He’ll draw a bath and wash his hair if he asks Obi-Wan not to leave the room. For now, he breathes deeply, memorizing how perfectly Anakin fits against him, listening to the steady rhythm of his breathing, feeling how Anakin’s fingers dig into his skin. For now, he tries to find a balance between smothering his love and feeling Anakin’s, while it lasts. 

[just-absolutely-super]

#JustLanHikariThings

a few of my favorite Lan things (gameverse)

General:

The way this kid gave 0 fucks about fighting off evil organizations that could KILL people. Even impulse control Megaman is just like, “Yeah Lan let’s show them who’s boss!”

His response to anyone doing bad things is essentially, “You’re a terrible person and I’m gonna stop you.” And then he stops them!

Literally oversleeping like every day despite Megaman literally yelling at him to wake up (king tbh)

Trespasses practically everywhere because his loved ones were put in harm’s way and anyone who messes with Lan Hikari’s loved ones will catch MEGA’S HANDS

Chaud in almost every BN game: Stay in your lane and let the Officials handle this

Lan: How about I don’t?

MMBN:

Literally decided to take on a crime syndicate without an official NetBattler license because fuck you it’s the right thing to do!

Fought off actual flames coming out of his oven with a squirt gun

Stole his dad’s government ID so he can have access to the water plant in order to confront said crime syndicate

He reformed Higsby just by telling him joining WWW for rare battlechips was dumb

Got freaking electrocuted trying to pull down a lever so Elecman would quit healing himself

After finding out his dead twin was really his Navi all along his first response is to apologize to Megaman for bossing him around for literal years

Mayl essentially tells him she has a crush on him and the poor oblivious boy is just absolutely DUMBFOUNDED

After Wiley told him that Lan’s grandpa beat him in a science contest so now he wants to kill everyone Lan basically called his shitty motive out and said Wiley’s loss wasn’t his family’s fault

MMBN2:

Practically failing a semester (or at most has a C average) except for Virus Busting (THIS KID BECOMES A SCIENTIST WHEN HE GROWS UP)

He wanted to research a different country and get a penpal from said country on the grounds that he wanted to eat their food (KING TBH)

Fought off a swarm of bees with a stick, a newspaper, and a lighter with 0 help from his friends

His first time overseas and he gets mugged....3 times

Keeps saying Mayl is “just a friend” but will have romantic dreams about her

Volunteered to captured a poisonous spider with 0 hesitation because he’s Lan Fucking Hikari

Freestyle rapped in order to get whiskey...yes really

Easily convinced his dad to let him go to a town with lethally high levels of radiation to take down a mafia because fuck you he’s Lan Hikari and this is the right thing to do

Managed to survive 100k radiation

Used the power of brotherly love to operate Megaman with his heart

MMBN3:

STOLE THE KEY TO BREAK INTO HIS SCHOOL (it was to make sure Dex didn’t fail his homework but still the AUDACITY)

Fucking Y E E T S his navi like a fucking POKEBALL at a man

He’s apparently good at calligraphy???

Falls for the, “Hey look over there!” trick

Jumps from a 2nd story window into the ocean in order to reach a hospital’s basement because he’s Lan Fucking Hikari

Caught a condor to return to the zoo

Calls Megaman out for being reckless on obtaining the GigFreeze even though the entire list proves that this gremlin has no room to talk

Gets gunned down by a tank with a built in machine gun and just...side steps it so he can jack into it

FUCKING KICKED A STATUE OF WILY OFF A LEDGE I FUCKING STAN HIM

MMBN4:

Can’t enter an area because it’s not open to the public? TRIES TO HAVE HIS NAVI BLAST IT OPEN!

An employee from said area shows up? HAVE YOUR NAVI KICK HIS ASS THEN TAKE HIS ACCESS CODE

NetBattled a gang because his new punk friend needed help

Gets involved with a mafia….again…

GETS HIMSELF FUCKING KIDNAPPED LAN NEVER GO TO NETOPIA EVER AGAIN

Got goaded into putting his hand in some wall relic thing’s mouth (with a slight risk it’ll be bit off) in order to prove he wasn’t lying about being in a tournament

Had Mega take on a soccer (I’m sorry, “footbomb”) challenge because some rando trash talked them

Swore revenge on an actual military official because he punched Lan in the stomach

CONVINCED AN ACTUAL MILITARY BASE TO LET HIM--AN ACTUAL 12 YEAR OLD--TAKE ON AN ACTUAL MILITARY MISSION

Insulted a master chef by saying his mom’s curry was better

ACCEPTED A CURRY COOKING CHALLENGE EVEN THOUGH HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE CURRY

WON SAID CURRY COMPETITION BY USING LOVE AS A SECRET INGREDIENT

KNOCKED THE FUCKING MAYOR ASIDE WHEN HE GOT IN HIS WAY BECAUSE HE HAD TO STOP AN ECOTERRORISM PLAN AND THAT’S HOW LAN FUCKING HIKARI ROLLS

Had Megaman get some cyber beer and cyber jerky so they could learn how to break rocks...I wish I was making this up

Braved a blizzard and almost froze to death so he could stop some asshole from freezing the entire earth (and this ISN’T PART OF THE GAME’S ACTUAL VILLAIN’S PLOT! THE GUY WAS LITERALLY JUST BEING AN ASSHOLE BECAUSE HE WAS HOT!)

MMBN5:

Literally kept the fact he’s a part of the NetAvengers a secret from his mom and friends until almost the last minute, which wasn’t very hard apparently

Like deliberately disobeyed his mom about being safe because if you think Lan Fucking Hikari isn’t going to find a way to save his own dad you got another thing coming

Was initially refusing to listen to Dusk’s demands to show off his and Mega’s battle capabilities, but agreed after he was called a wimp

Called the actual family dog ugly fdjksfldjs

Took down 100 dummy samurais so he could bypass a castle’s security system

Unfortunately not a whole lot of other moments but that’s because Lan’s chaotic nature is challenged by his equally chaotic teammates:

#JustTeamProtomanThings

Chaud fakes an attack on SciLab so he can see if Lan has what it takes to be part of the NetAvengers (because saving the world 4 times just doesn’t really cut it I guess...)

Tesla literally almost killed 3 children because she was stressed and thought drilling in an abandoned mine would do the trick

Charlie decides to cause problems on purpose just to test Lan’s capabilities and CHAUD WAS IN ON IT

Charlie also took out Nebula’s evil server thing but decided to attack Lan and Mega anyway because he just really wanted a rematch I guess

Fyrefox almost got away with theft because he just REALLY wanted his fireworks business to thrive okay?

Jasmine said fuck your precautions I’m going to the Undernet and there’s nothing anyone can do about it!

She also continues to say fuck authority, and if Lan won’t have the balls to go after Nebula then she and Meddy will!

#JustTeamColonelThings

Baryl--like Chaud--fakes an attack on Scilab to test lan and the entire time Lan is just like WHO ARE YOU?

Dusk also causes problems on purpose for the sake of testing Lan but he’s an assassin so that kinda makes sense for him

Ribitta goes to the Undernet because SHE NEEDS TO MAKE A KILLER NEWS STORY LAN THINK OF HER CAREER LAN

Goes to the Undernet again because dammit Lan if you won’t be a leader and avenge Colonel then SHE WILL

MMBN6:

Was prepared to fight off 5 security bots when they wouldn’t let him into his new school

Was willing to take on those same security bots who were burning the entire school down because this isn’t Lan Fucking Hikari’s first rodeo

Considered that an actual penguin could be a pelican...

Would have jumped into a pool full of jellyfish had impulse control Megaman not stopped him

Almost got fucking TAZED because he was yelling and touching a tree (IT MAKES SENSE IN CONTEXT....KINDA)

Sleeps in class when there are security cameras watching him (THIS KID BECOMES A SCIENTIST WHEN HE GROWS UP)

Tried to pull a Mary Poppins with an umbrella to jump down a tall ledge...the umbrella broke

Basically took an assassination class... (Gregor version)

Nearly threw hands with the mayor (he had it coming tho)

Took down a NetMafia...again (request post-game; but for real how does this keep happening to him???)

Put off leaving a building that was about to blow up because he was reforming the franchise’s long running villain

REFORMS THE FRANCHISE’S LONG RUNNING VILLAIN BY CONVINCING HIM THAT THERE REALLY WAS STILL GOOD IN HIM AND HE COULD BE A GOOD SCIENTIST AGAIN THIS ABSOLUTE PURE CHILD

Other:

Decides to investigate a bad vaccine after his dad tells him to stay put because sorry dad I’m Lan Fucking Hikari and this is the right thing to do! (Network Transmission)

Saved the Waterworks plant from Iceman (again) not just because it’s the right thing to do but because if he didn’t he would get any dinner that night (Network Transmission)

BEAT UP A GROWN ASS MAN (Battle Chip Challenge (his route))

Okay this kid does all this bullshit but the one thing that knocks him down is the fucking common cold (Battle Chip Challenge (Mayl’s route))

Lied about WWW stragglers being at the BattleChipGP to impress his #1 fan and when that proved to be true he tried playing it off that he knew all along before Megaman outs him (Battle Chip Challenge (Kai’s route))

Literally calls a powerful being from space an “Arm Navi” and when corrected he tells it to shut up (Operate Shooting Star)

Becomes a memetic badass 200 years into the future (Operate Shooting Star) including but hopefully not limited to things such as:

having an IQ of 300

Being efficient in every sport (soccer in particular)

Making goals in soccer against 11 players (presumably single-handedly)

has a signature move called a LanPunch and it’s never specified HOW THIS CAME ABOUT

Literally comes into Dex’s house uninvited with a strange boy from the future and jacks into a wall clock WITHOUT AN EXPLANATION TO DEX (Operate Shooting Star)

BEGAN THE PROCESS FOR HARNESSING THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP (Star Force Megaman 2)

[duskamethyst]

covet.

a/n: a remake so some might have read this but i switched up a bit because i wasn't particularly happy with it.

word count: 2.2k

genre: mature, nsfw

warning tags: implied noncon at the end, stalking, yandere behavior

pairing: yan!iwaizumi x f!reader

summary: you find out that you are your best friend's obsession.

iwaizumi has always been a good friend to you; more like a doting brother that’s always looking out for you, cheering you up as he listens to you cry over the phone over a bad and sudden break up or helps you when you need a hand– whether it’s from studying or changing the light bulb and he never expects anything in return. he’s amazing and it’s rather strange that he never had someone special as long as you’ve known him.

you’ve asked him about his love life plenty of times before but he often finds a way to avoid the topic. though it’s unusual, you only think that he probably has a shy side to him despite how tense he usually looks. you couldn’t find anything wrong with him that could drive others away– from his looks to how he treats people around him. and honestly? he is too good to be true.

but when something seems too good to be true, chances are, it really is.

you know iwaizumi more than anyone else– with oikawa as an exception. you cling onto each other almost every day and you often go out together to finish up an assignment. your friends are always poking fun at you about liking iwaizumi whenever you’re with him but you’re always quick to get defensive, afraid of making him feel awkward and also because it isn’t true– you don’t really feel that way about him.

he’s aware that they’re just teasing but he couldn’t help the blush creeping up on his cheeks each time he hears the untasteful joke and his heart breaks over how you get quite uptight about it because boy, he actually feels happy at the thought of you having feelings for him.

as much as you think you know the guy, to iwaizumi, you don’t actually know him.

you don’t know how he feels about you, but he understands that. it’s his fault for not confessing to you directly but he also wants to protect the relationship you both currently have. iwaizumi doesn’t want to ruin it. he doesn’t want the probability of losing you when he knows he’s nothing more to you than just a friend. you don’t know that you’re the only person that fills his mind day and night, jerking off to the image of you before going to sleep. and you don’t know how he spends so many hours at the gym, letting out his anger and frustration to the punching bag when you tell him that you’re seeing someone.

iwaizumi is mindful of the fact that he won’t ever get to be your boyfriend; let alone the one to spend the rest of your lives together and it pains him for having someone so close but couldn’t quite reach for.

little that he realizes, he begins to have an unhealthy obsession over you.

he usually pretends to find interest in your relationships and hookups just so he can use it to his advantage just so that in a couple of months, you will run back into his arms and talk about how sad you are over it and blame yourself about how you aren’t good enough to anyone.

he feels bad when he sees your sorry state. it hurts him more than it hurts you but he keeps reminding himself that even though he is the cause of your breakup, it’s for your own good. of course he can’t say that out loud, he’ll just coax you with sweet words, things you want to hear like how you deserve someone so much better. he will tell you that you should look closer, find that person who has went through thick and thin with you but god– it’s a shame that you’re just so blind.

iwaizumi begins to stalk you at night. using an excuse to ‘watch over you’ when he only wants to see you at your most vulnerable state which he believes to be the ‘real’ you, unraveled. he wants to see how you are when you’re alone and unmindful of the presence of others, including him.

your schedule for your night activities differs each night so he finds himself lucky when he’s just in time to see you strip off your clothes piece by piece until you have nothing on before hopping into the shower. a loud gulp downs his throat when he watches you turn to the full length mirror, bare and perfect ass conveniently facing the window when you observe your figure from the side– probably to see the progress from that work out he has been telling you about.

his jaw clenches at how careless and oblivious you are of your surroundings (but can he really blame you, though?) but it gives him all the more reason to stick close to you so he can protect you. he can already feel his cock throbbing inside his pants and if it’s not for the fact that you don’t know that he’s stalking you, he’d say that you’re purposely teasing him. iwaizumi quickly fishes for his phone and takes the opportunity to take a picture of you.

he can’t help to imagine how you smell like after a nice, long shower. that mere thought alone makes blood rush to his dick. a whiff of you from each time you’re sitting next to him is never enough. he already memorizes your nightly routines; you skip two days to wash your hair, you have a separate towel to wrap your wet hair and the steps of your skin care routine and then you will proceed to turn on the music as you do your assignment on your desk.

that reminds him that he has better things to do too, but he can’t and won’t walk away until he makes sure that you’re asleep peacefully in your room. he wants to make sure that you’re not inviting some guy to your place because who knows who you’ve been texting when you’re not next to him? he still trusts you though, there’s no way you’ll keep it a secret from him. even if you won’t tell him, it’s not like he can’t go through your phone when you leave for the bathroom, and it’s not like you’ll notice the extra face ID in your phone’s settings.

it’s just a precautionary measure, he thinks.

but iwaizumi’s favorite part from his immoral activity is when you’re laying down on your bed, legs spreading as one of your hands disappear between your thighs and lips parting in inaudible whines. the look of your fucked out face as you cum makes his own body flush with primal heat.

if only you’d ask, he’d be more than glad to help you with your sexual needs. he’d give you the best fuck of your life until your little hole can only remember the shape of his fat cock; not anyone nor anything else would make you feel stuffed full and satiated. he often wonders how sweet you’d taste and how nice the sound you’d make when you moan his name.

oh how he wishes that you’re getting off to the thought of him. a guy can only dream.

“iwa, i’m in front of your house!” you say through your phone while pressing his doorbell at the same time. the door opens to a half-asleep iwaizumi, a phone in his hand and another rubs his eyes before inviting you inside.

“were you asleep? jeez, you look bad. did you stay up or something?” you whine, putting your bag down on the couch.

“hah, you could say that,” he snickers. “but you’re early.”

“why not? i bought breakfast too. let’s eat!” you chime as you walk to the kitchen and start to take out the food from the container and place it on the plates.

“sure, i’ll wash up and brush my teeth. hold on.” he mindlessly puts down his phone on the counter and strides to the bathroom.

after setting up the table, you sit down and play with your phone as you wait for him to come out. his phone suddenly vibrates and you glance to see that his mom is calling. you hate to pry but you innocently think that it may be urgent so you run to his room to where the bathroom he’s in.

you can hear the running water through the door, thinking that he would still be inside the bathroom. “sorry, you have a call from your mom so i’m coming in!”

though you’ve been to iwaizumi’s house plenty of times, you’ve never gone inside his room to study or finish up a project and he’d always keep the doors closed while you both do work in the living room. you were never really curious anyway, nothing would be interesting coming from a guy in his 20s. you’re willing to bet that it would just be a messy bed and clothes laying around on the floor.

but you’re dead wrong.

your heart almost drops to the floor as your eyes are greeted with a pair of your own from across the room. it’s placed nicely as if it serves to greet anyone that opens the door to the room. it’s one of your selfies that you posted on instagram from some time ago and it is one of the biggest pictures on the wall so there is no denying that it doesn’t immediately catch your nor anyone’s attention.

he has other pictures posted neatly on the wall, next to where he lays his head on the bed and the biggest one is in the center while the smaller ones surround it, built like a shrine that’s usually made by an obsessive fan for their idols.

as you walk closer, you realize that they are all pictures of you taken when you were idle and your stomach churns when you notice that they are all taken while you’re in your own solitude. it has one of your many expressions, from how happy you looked as you sing to how your face displayed lewd expressions when you were enjoying yourself during your sinful moment.

your breathing starts jagging and the voice inside your head tells you to run. and as you turn your heels around and reach for the exit, a pair of hands suddenly close the door shut in front of you– instantly having you pinned between the door and the tall figure towering from behind you.

the room falls silent for a second, you can hear your own heart pounding in your ears. you quickly try to collect yourself, though not daring to turn and look at him as you speak.

“h-here... your m-mom called.” you extend your arm back so iwaizumi can take the phone from your hand. “i... um... have to go.” you gulp, “i left… my stove on.”

classic, nice going. who even uses that excuse anymore? he’ll never fall for that.

you can feel the hair behind your neck start to prickle when he chuckles from your back. he’s so close, you can feel his breath when he speaks and how his voice echoes throughout the silent room.

“you didn’t even cook this morning.”

“j-just let me go, iwa.” at this point, iwaizumi notices you begin to lose your composure as you try to pull the door open but to no avail as he pushes his arms harder to keep the door closed. damn him and his strong arms.

“i’ll have to thank my mom later for bringing you here.” he laughs, wrapping his arms around your smaller figure and easily lifts you up to his bed before proceeding to trap you underneath his muscular body and grabbing a pair of metal cuffs from the drawer next to his bed.

it’s almost like he has been planning this all along.

“iwa, please– you don’t want to do this.” tears are forming in your eyes as you feel the cold metal graze your skin and hear the locking sound from above your head to restrain your hands from fighting back, as if you would have succeeded in the first place anyway.

“why not?” his grin is maniacal as he watches you wriggle helplessly underneath him. “when i can have you all for myself now? baby, this is all i’ve ever wanted.”

“you– you’re scaring me.” the metal rattles against the headboard as you struggle to free your hands, but of course, to no avail. iwaizumi’s eyes bore through your panic stricken face; your eyes are glazed and he can make up the reflection of himself in them. he feels rather accomplished– he’s finally everything and the only one that you see.

“iwa..” fat tears start to roll down your cheeks as you sob helplessly. iwaizumi seems to be startled a bit, then his face softens.

“how are you so beautiful,” he leans down to kiss both corners of your eyes. “even when you’re crying like this?”

you thrash your head side to side in a sign of protest but he gently cups your face in his large hands so you can look back at the pair of dark eyes that are filled with longing and desperation for you.

“i’m sorry. i’m sorry for making you cry.” he kisses your forehead. “i don’t wanna be like those guys.” he kisses your nose before letting you go and draws himself back to be on his knees.

what once your comfort has quickly become a nightmare. his height and taut physique has never been deemed to be daunting until now; when he’s propped between your legs while his hand reaches down to caress your soft thigh and up to undo the zip of your skirt.

“please, let me make up for it– make you feel better. i promise i can.”

duskamethyst © 2020 • do not modify, translate or repost anywhere.

[mde1011]

when i got into the dsmp i started a note and wrote down any quotes or moments i thought were funny, and im bored at 3 am so enjoy some of them

how is being arrested real? just walk away!!!”

⁃ “once an american always an american. go...go protests masks...or something”

⁃ “...yEAH BUT DID YOU HAVE WAP” “what’s...whats wap?” “...WORSHIP AND PRAYER”

⁃ “HOW DO YOU LIKE POLITICS MOTHERFUCKER”

⁃ “i’m naked” “...no you’re not” “i can be...”

⁃ “uhhhh i’m in a high stress situation....i deal with these poorly”

⁃ “i should go first i’m naked”

⁃ “yEAHHHH WE KILLED AN OLD MAN WITH HEART PROBLEMS”

⁃ “what are you going to do?” “i...have no idea i think i’m gonna start out by punching a tree”

⁃ “tOmmy...did i just hear you say shit ass looking mofo?”

⁃ “i aM gOinG to gEt nAkeD to iNtiMidAtE HiM”

- “...i want freedom !” “you want BALLS.”

⁃ “...down the line. yeah that’s where we discover the art of cannibalism” “oh it’s an art?” “it’s an art”

⁃ “oh there’s some logs here. wonder what they’re saying to me. uh huh. uh huh. oh yeah that’s very racist” “tommy you gotta burn those logs.” “burn ‘em before they spread their racism to other logs”

⁃ “are you pooing?” “*whisper* i’m charging up-““ “he’s ejaculating on the tent.” “he’s WHAT?”

⁃ “he’s sPEEDING. LOOK HOW FAST HES GOING” “i’ve taken so many drugs. someone tell badboyhalo”

⁃ “we should make a pact. and that pact is, uh, we make a book...and in that book...we declare that saying ‘muffin’ is a, is a slur”

⁃ “i was thinking what if one day your bladder just,,,,stopped working.....AGGGFFFFF i was tHINKING ABOUT THAT THE OTHER DAY IVE GOT TO PREPARE IVE GOT YO PREPARE thisiswhydiapersaintthatbad”

⁃ <sapnap> i think i was ordered to um

<tommyinnit> boobed

<sapnap> kill you

<tommyinnit> boobs

<sapnap> if this happens

<tommyinnit> think about boobs man

<sapnap> tsk tsk tommy

<tommyinnit> iM DISGRUNTLED

⁃ “why is this deadman so good at making drugs”

⁃ “i just learnt that a girl hero is called a heroine and it freaked me out”

⁃ “memento memento me-“ “that’s actually the worst word i know so you can’t keep saying that” “oh, really.....? have you ever heard the term ‘racist’?”

⁃ “the person who invented the phrase ‘be yourself’ hadn’t met you!”

⁃ “you seem like the type of guy whose dad would throw him overboard as a joke but he would just drown”

⁃ “shout out to dream for twerking!”

⁃ “let’s talk......let’s talk about sex” “wonderful. what do you think about sex, lazarbeam?” “i ain’t saying SHIT in front of a sixteen year old”

⁃ “what the- i think i’m seeing things” “....tommy i told you not to drink the sea water” “well i DID drink the sea water because it TOLD ME TO”

⁃ “it’s like the movie when that guy gets stranded on an island and has sex with a coconut” “whAT?? dream- dream, you vastly misinterpreted this” “it one hundred percent does”

⁃ “oh mastICATE.....isn’t that when a fish turns inside out?”

⁃ “what are some bad words YOU know, clay?” “i don’t-“ “what about ‘terrorist’?”

⁃ “my mind has to be on the same frequency as jesus when he walked on water”

⁃ “you wanna know why i was late?” “no i really do-“ “i was having a MASSIVE poo. really just a HUGE poo”

⁃ “jUST CUZ YOU TALK ABOUT POO ONCE AND THEN YOU SEE A BIG GREEN BASTARD AMD YOUR LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE YOUR EYES AND THEN YOU CANT REMEMBER- YOU CANT REMEMBER IF IT WAS YESTERDAY OR TOMORROW YOU HURT THAT WOMAN”

⁃ “i love america. mmmmm patriotism

⁃ “LIFE IS NOT A HAPPY SONG KERMIT THE FROG”

⁃ “please stop taking the cock”

⁃ “two four six eight who do we appreciate? not the government let’s gooooooo”

⁃ “oooo look at the dogs😍” “wHAAAAAT. WHAT. THERES ACTUALLY LIKE. A MILLION DOGS HERE. WHAT THE HELL.”

⁃ “yeahhhhh bitch i stab- i don’t stab women-“ “woooooooah tommy you stab women?” “heyyyy sapnap”

⁃ “do you know what happens whne you reach the top of the ladder? there’s only one place to go.” “.....side to side😨” “down.” “...i really thought you were gonna say side to side🥺”

⁃ “one last time.” “just like in hamilton😓”

⁃ “you don’t know how many times i’ve mistaken trees for hot women”

⁃ “ i don’t feel better i just destroyed penis”

⁃ “i’ve never seen a snail with bad morals”

⁃ “awwwwwwww😢 i’m doin’ drugs🤧 just like the good ol’ days😓” “.....define the ‘good old days’” “back when i did drugs”

⁃ “have you ever fought a baby? i have and it was trivially easy to defeat, phil.”

⁃ “the only other i egg i know about was the one i learnt about in school....not allowed to say which one....”

⁃ “did you know one of my new years resolutions is to be more like 2010 justin bieber?”

⁃ “apparently cats don’t lay eggs”

⁃ “thinking about trees- if i saw a tree with a beard mmmmmm...holy shit id hit it”

⁃ “we’re in hell dude. science doesn’t matter here”

⁃ “i cant die i cant die i’m GOD”

⁃ “hey pig your letter is the same as pussy, hmm?”

⁃ “are we cool are we COOL guys? CRYSTAL COOL like CRYSTAL METH”

⁃ “he- he’s crying because - because i killed his mother isn’t that right? mother dearest mother deadest mother gonest”

⁃ “bro ive been drinking since i was six and let me tell you...it’s not good to be drinking that young. led to some poor life decisions when i was 8” “what did you do” “i cant say” “...who did you hurt” “....only myself”

⁃ “je suis” “ay i know what that mean you prick” “what does it mean” “it means you’re racist dickhead”

⁃ “i’d never poo in the presence of a women- which is why i’m scared to get a girlfriend i think i’d just explode”

⁃ “biff tannen is one of my idols”

⁃ “black widow died and i thought ‘wow it should’ve been the man’ because he’s a man”

⁃ “there’s a character called captain america and i think he’s stupid”

⁃ “i’m a GOOD LAD i’ve got GOOD MORALS and if i’ve DONE SOMETHING WRONG it WASNT MY FAULT I JUST GOT A LITTLE EXCITED”

⁃ “sam....what’s the longest you’ve ever wiped your arse? for me it’s 48 minutes”

⁃ “why are you standing in the shitter?” “....that’s a SINK” “uhhh welllll” “hAVE YOU SHAT IN THE SINK?????”

⁃ “you’re like a living ghost” “...i think that’s called a human, tubbo”

⁃ “maybe i accidentally kill ranboo and we just never see him again *laughs* ay? and then i go ‘april foooools!!!’ and then i kill their child. i kill him”

⁃ “you built a penis” “it’s a PENIS OF SAFETY”

⁃ “i saw the penis of safety and i pressed mouse button four my friend”

⁃ “the penis on the other side of the river is larger” “ive heard that before....”

⁃ “you’ve turned the penis into a wall” “a wall of safety is better than a penis of safety” “i think the penis was better”

⁃ “if you wanna make a penis i know where we can make a penis and i know how big we can make it”

⁃ “i don’t conceptualize death but i think i just saw it!”

⁃ “yeah i- yeah i know i’m- my first impression on eret was making him read a shrek fan fiction so- i’m not one for first impressions”

⁃ “i-i’m scared for him- i’m scared OF him. yknow the first thing he did when he saw me was imMEDIATELY strip down then jump off then immediately die?”

⁃ “where are you?” “getting stabbed, one second”

⁃ “you’ve seen the joker?” “yea-“ “i resonate a lot with that man” “...oH. oh. that’s- that’s not-“

⁃ “he bURNT DOWN MY HOUSE” “out of LOVE”

⁃ “ohhhh my god stop making me play with the neighbor kid” “o-okay if you don’t go play with him i’m kicking you out of the house-“ “wHAT THE FUCK???”

⁃ “there’s a STRIP CLUB” “oh yeah for wood!” “are you into strippers?” “i mean all it does is make the wood look different so....yeah it doesn’t really do much”

⁃ “no no we have categories, we have the poo-saster- you might have to take a shower after-“ “no, no i’m gonna stop you right there”

⁃ “as i was saying you can have a 1-to-3 wiper, that’s an A-tier poo, my friend”

⁃ “i want you to eat your sock”

⁃ “you know i’m a child- i’m a minor” “sO AM I DICKHEAD”

⁃ “everyone is calling you dresus” “yeah i am”

⁃ “ayyyy ayyyy los DROGAS LOS DROGAS” “no no big q- she’s thirteen- how does this happen with every 13 year old girl you meet?”

⁃ “my poo has muscles like i do”

⁃ “i cant hear the words among us without crying they’ll say there are aliens among us and in the back youll just hear me *choking noises*”

⁃ “tubbo...tubbo is like...tubbo is like mary” “.....did you just call me the Virgin Mary?”

⁃ “i’m just saying, have you ever seen me and jesus in the same room?”

⁃ “do you smoke sam” “all the time”

⁃ “i thought you were talking about the- the speeeeed drug”

⁃ “have you ever sold drugs to kids sam?” “......no”

⁃ “we can’t let the girlboss rule because she will gatekeepe my feelings” “that would not be good”

⁃ “THEY DIDNT INVITE ME TO KILL ME???? NOW I HAVE FOMO”

⁃ “you have obviously taken part in scientology-“ “i have not-“ “you’ve donated to tom cruises cult shit”

⁃ “....am i worse than david dobrik?” “are- are we worse than david dobrik?” “oh- oh god”

⁃ “he has broke one of the rules of the hit best seller ‘the bible’- this kind of looks like a cock”

⁃ “well i’ve moved now, KING”

⁃ “what is an angsty teen and am i one? because when i USED to hang out with my friends they use the word angst a lot”

⁃ “yeah yeah yeah i bench”

⁃ “sam i think i’m angsty i think i’m an angsty tik tok teen looking for a community to help me out”

⁃ “i don’t think you’ve followed the train of logic all the way-“ “there’s a TRAIN INVOLVED????????”

⁃ “i’m like the orange fucker from that animated rom com”

⁃ “i’m under the influence of big cock”

⁃ “it’s meeee big cock man”

⁃ “i cant look away” “sam please use your twitter alt for this” “he’s horny on maaaainnnnn” “and what’s wrong with that?” “.......”

⁃ “you’re a FUCKING IDIOT” “IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT, BIG COCK”

⁃ “i’m gonna call you ‘cockity’ big cock” “sHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP-“

⁃ “STOP LOOKING AT IT” “ITS SO VIBRANT”

⁃ “at least this guy doesn’t have a cock-“ “itS NOT A COCK” “horny on main jesus-“

⁃ “is that a cock” “SHUT THE FUCK UP”

⁃ “.....i wanna see the inside of it again do a split”

⁃ “okay sam-“ “tommy that guy wants your cock-“ “no- no he doesn’t sam”

⁃ “sam, sam and i need you to hear this....dont. act. up.” “i don’t act up-“ “you were acting up-“ “i-“ “you were caught in 8k.” “but- but we both agree it’s not a tie-“

⁃ “please don’t tell me to kill cockity i am overwhelmed”

⁃ “why is there an anus in my tie?”

⁃ “what are the legal implications of this?” “...i mean besides hell you’re good”

⁃ “whatre the legal implications?” “i mean usually that’s a no-no but today, today it’s fine” “yeahhh lets go murder his family”

⁃ “i’d be an antivax landlord”

⁃ “jesus never does drugs” “well- well you turned water into wine king and wine is alcohol”

⁃ “can you put on pants i can’t- i cant stop looking at it- sorry tommy i know you said-“ “yeah sam i know you tried-“

⁃ “you know i fuck with satan”

⁃ “i’m sorry jesus lucifer is just such a good man-“ “oh you- hold me BACK FROM THIS FUCKER HOLD ME BACK ILL SEND HIM TO HELL YOU LIKE HELL-“

⁃ “are you jesus or just a man who grew a beard and put on a suit?”

⁃ “even the guy with his cock out is telling you to stop-“ “oh jesus, and i mean jesus-“ “shUT THE FUCK UP MAN”

⁃ “the best best way to slander him is to stop his offspring; we need to kick him the balls.....no? not a good....? alright us four each take a ball-“

⁃ “......why did jesus give him four scrotums man🙁🙁”

[cacoetheswriting]

congratulations on your 2K achievement!!! I’ve been binging your Spencer Reid fics all week and can I just say you are the QUEEN of Spencer x pining 🥺🥺🥺 if you’re in the mood to write for him could I request 32 & 37 from the angst prompt list?? I’m ready to cry some more😍😍

thank you so so much 💘 and omg i can't believe you’ve been reading all of them ahh!!! also, jsksjksjssksj to be considered a QUEEN of spencer x pining !?!?!? i’m literally speechless and fucking honoured 🥺😩

Pairing: Spencer Reid x gn!Reader Warnings: a tiny tiny bit of fluff, mainly angst, pining, unrequited / unreciprocated love, jealousy, heartbreak, [spoiler] not a happy ending Word Count: 1.2k Prompts: “I love them and they don’t even know I exist.” & “I can’t just delete my feelings because yours aren’t the same.”

A/N: i listened to falling apart by léon on repeat when writing this little blurb, it doesn't necessarily have anything do with the plot but i recommend playing it while reading for extra ✨pain✨

-

“Kid, just go and say hi.” Derek encouraged, his hands landing at the back of his head as he relaxed in his chair.

The sigh that escaped Spencer’s lips was slow, almost as if his brain needed the time to come up with a rebuttal. A good enough reason as to why he shouldn't do the only thing he truly wanted to do.

“What then?” The young doctor questioned, nervously glancing at you from the safety of his own desk. “What do I say after hi?”

Rolling his eyes at the resident genius, Derek chuckled softly. “After you say hi, you make small talk.” He stated calmly, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

Spencer contemplated his best friend’s answer. Small talk. He could do small talk if he really put his mind to it, right? After all, he’s done it many times before whenever the team travelled for cases. Granted, it was usually a one-sided conversation which often left the other person feeling very confused, but it was still small talk.

God, this was hopeless. He was hopeless.

“I love them and they don’t even know I exist.” Spencer mumbled while fumbling with the hem of his sweater, his gaze still very much glued to your perfect frame.

Derek scoffed. “Okay Reid, now you’re just being overly dramatic. They know you exist because we've all been working together for a little over two months now.” He leaned forward before continuing, “But, they’re never going to get to know you, and your amazing personality, if you don't talk to them.”

Spencer’s nose twitched briefly. Sometimes he really hated when Derek was right - which, when it came to advice on his non-existent relationship with you, was more often than the brunette doctor cared to admit.

“Now, go say hi or I’ll do it for you.” Derek threatened with a sly smirk.

It was the mental kick Spencer needed, because he quickly sprung up on his feet and with one last encouraging smile from Morgan, he ambled through the bullpen towards you.

Reflecting on it now, it was both the best and worst decision of Spencer’s life.

Best, because as soon the second he approached you, you asked him to join you for lunch. The two of you talked nonstop for the whole hour. The flow from topic to topic was so natural, Spencer completely forgot what he was so apprehensive about.

Best, because after that afternoon, lunches together became a daily occurrence and it wasn't long before they also evolved to other activities. Even outside office hours.

Best, because the more time Spencer spent with you, the more his love for you grew. Which, coincidentally, was also the reason why he considered it to be the worst decision of his life.

You were spending every waking moment together. Sharing secrets, watching random documentaries, carpooling to work, strolling through museums and art galleries. Now that your friendship blossomed and the two of you fell into a comfortable rhythm around one another, the young doctor couldn't possibly admit just how strongly he felt about you.

Especially since he knew you didn't feel the same way.

“And then, we shared a dessert. Which I know sounds kind of lame, but I don't know Spence, there was just something so electrifying about the moment. I actually think we might see each other again.” You finished, plopping down next to him on the couch.

A part of your friendship the young doctor didn’t really care for was when you’d show up at his door late at night and ramble on about the latest date you had just come back from. Most dates were luckily a complete disasters, and while you complained, Spencer did his best to fight back a satisfied grin.

Most dates. Not all.

Unfortunately for Spencer, this person you were causally seeing now, seemed to be doing quite well.

“So, if you go out again, it will be your fourth date.” The statement came out more jaundiced than the young doctor intended it to, and he was instantly feeling thankful you didn't seem to notice the odd tone of his voice.

You raised an intrigued brow before letting out a melodic chuckle. “Really? Honestly, I wasn't even counting. I guess when it feels natural, it doesn't matter.” You shrugged your shoulders lightly, ready to move onto another topic.

Spencer however, was fixated on your words - “I guess when it feels natural, it doesn't matter.”.

He chewed on the inside of his cheek. The thought of another person giving you what he could only dream to give you made his stomach churn. Jealousy began to stir inside of him. It made the palms of his hands sweat against his jeans. He was suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

“You okay Spence? You look a little pale?” You asked, slowly brining your hand to his forearm. Before you could touch him however, the doctor flinched and jumped to his feet.

“I-I love you, Y/N. I-I... I’m in love with you.” He blurted out, closing his eyes for a split second because he didn’t want to look at you when you said you didn't love him back. He couldn't take that kind of pain.

“Oh, Spencer...”

There was a clear shift in the surrounding energy. No longer free and homey, instead it felt tense as if the slightest movement would shatter the imaginary glass wall currently built between the two of you.

With teary eyes, you stood up and intertwined your fingers with his. The warmth of his touch brought comfort into this heart-rending moment, but was it enough to ensure the two of you would walk out of here still friends?

“I... Spencer, I don’t know what to say.” You breathed with a heavy heart.

“I-I know... Trust me, I know you don't feel the same about me. I just needed to say it because it was eating me alive.” Spencer continued, slowly opening his eyes. When his hazel gaze locked with yours, the butterflies in his stomach erupted all at one before sinking heavily. “I can’t just delete my feelings because yours aren’t the same.” He muttered, a broken look spread across his features.

Lone tears slowly trailed down your cheeks, each droplet representing a different memory you and him shared together. As you silently sobbed, holding onto him with all your might, you searched your mind for the right words. 

Although, deep down you knew nothing could fix this.

After what felt like forever, Spencer freed himself from your grasp. He wiped away his own tears using the sleeve of his sweater and took a singular step back. He averted his gaze, eyes landing on his feet, and you’ve been friends with him long enough to understand what that meant.

Spencer wanted you to leave.

Sniffling, you slowly grabbed your things. You didn't want to argue with him, beg him to let you stay so the two of you could talk this out. You’ve caused him enough pain already.

He met your gaze one last time, just as you opened the door to his apartment. You tried to smile in hopes he would maybe mimic the expression, but the best you could do was purse your lips into a thin line which didn't give either of you much hope for your future.

As you stepped outside the threshold, you felt cold and empty - as if you were leaving a part of you behind. In a way you were. But unknowingly, you were also taking something with you.

Spencer’s broken heart.

-

masterlist

spencer reid taglist: @no-honey-no​, @calm-and-doctor​, @idroppedmygourd​​, @averyhotchner, @wowitsel, @elldell1204, @hey-there-angels, @reidabookforonce, @willowrose99