#I’m always so fucking miserable and scared and angry over it

[just-rogi]

.

[lawva-girl]

A Taste of Her

Nami x fem!Reader

Happy pride month :D

Warnings: cunnilingus, fingering

WOMEN omfg women! Also Nami?!??? I just know you two would have nightly catch ups, the two of you just sitting with eachother talking about nonsense, staring into each others eyes in a straight way.

WC: 2764 (I went crazy i fear)

Nami looked like an angel. She was sat in the bathtub, bubbles surrounding her. It looked like she had just finished her shower in the Sunny’s large bathroom. It has been a hot and miserable day. There were two storms Nami had to navigate the crew through, and zoro was sick on top of that. The whole crew was tired and scared for him.

You decided to care for Nami instead.

“Hey, do you want me to braid your hair?” You asked her, through the slightly cracked door.

“Uh okay… you aren’t charging me right?” Nami asked back.

You opened the door, closed it, then made your way to the shower. Before stepping in to rinse off you shed your towel and call out to her, “I wouldn’t dream of it!”

The shower water was cool, something you needed. Nami (and you for that matter) usually took incredibly hot showers and baths. After a day like today? It was nice to have the cold wake you up before you relaxed in the bath.

You rubbed soap onto your body with a portion of netting, making sure to scrub and lather. Once you finished you turned the water off, and took a deep breath.

You liked Nami, a little too much. Ever since you had joined the crew you felt like you two were magnets. Always sitting together during meals, often going the same places once on an island. You liked to say it was to protect her. You almost always had two guns on you, and you could use them incredibly well.

If anyone would protect her it would be you. It just felt like you two were very fast friends. But there were moments. Undeniable and quick, Nami would say something and you suddenly forgot how to breathe.

If it was a quick “your eyes are beautiful” or if it was her running her hand up your inner thigh, it didn’t matter. You were sure they meant something to her, like what they meant to you.

“Hey! Are you doing it or not!?” Nami yanked you from your thoughts.

Finally leaving the shower you strolled over to her, grateful she wasn’t glancing behind her to see your fully exposed form.

“Sorry sorry, here move forward so I can braid it.”

Nami slid forward smoothly, and you slipped into the water directly behind her. Thankfully you had a hair tie left on from your own ponytail. Looking at it you wondered if it would have Nami’s red hair left on it when she was done with it. You wondered if your own hair would tangle with hers, on the hair tie.

“Okay I’m gonna do one, look up.” You spoke while running your fingers through her hair.

“Okay… random question, when was the last time you got fucked?” Nami looked up and you saw the top of her eyebrows, they were lifted with curiosity.

“Uhhh probably a while before I joined. How about you?”

“No way! You don’t get any?”

“No not really… it’s hard to find my type.”

Nami paused, letting you braid a bit more.

“Wait what is your type?” She essentially threw the question and ran, she spoke it so fast.

“I’d say women who… well I guess just women honestly.” You said, mainly focused on making sure the braid came out well, “like there’s not a woman I wouldn’t love to be with? They are all just so, lovable.”

Nami grimaced, most likely due to the braid.

"how is that hard to find?" Nami asked, using a tone between disbelief and anger. you knew the anger wasnt directed toward you, more towards the world, on your behalf

"well most women are into men, nami." Your tone matched hers, and the two of you laughed. You figured she realized once you said it, and got less angry.

The silence washed over the two of you, Nami was relaxing onto your hands and under the water, onto your thighs. You felt her soft skin brush against you, and the water move around the two of you.

Her hair slightly curled around your fingers, you would probably make a journal entry about it later. But in that moment? You were happy.

Just braiding her hair made you happy, feeling her slowly rest more of her weight onto you. Seeing her slightly fall asleep, due to you braiding her hair.

You tied the hair tie around the end of the braid, her orange hairs curling around it. It was like they knew the tie belonged to you.

“Okay, now you tell me why you asked” you spoke with a playful tone, trying to cover up the fact that you were dying to know.

“Well it’s just that today made me so stressed and I swear I’m gonna kill sanji, I just need like some type of physical contact you know?” She laughed then sighed, you couldn’t look away, “like I just need something to tide me over till the next island. I’ll probably use my hairbrush or something.”

You were blushing, embarrassed at the thought that instantly flooded your head.

“Yeahh.” You looked awkwardly to the side.

“What? You seem like you want to say something.” Nami moved a little closer to you, the bubbles were clinging to her thankfully.

“Nothing. It’s embarrassing!” You turned to look her in the eyes and she was much closer than you thought.

Startled, you lowered yourself into the water more, now covered up to your lips.

“Tell me!! You can trust me!” Nami copied you, using the water to level the ground between you.

“Okay, okay! I basically thought that if you really wanted I could help you.” You raised just to speak, then immediately hid under the water again.

Nami did not seem like she wanted to joke anymore. “Oh yeah? How exactly would you help me?” She stood up and was almost entirely exposed to you, her tone was deeper and unmistakably flirty.

“Oh uhm like I could do things, physical things," pause... "to help you relax! Like a massage, or maybe I could force franky into building a massage chair! Or like I could find you a guy to fuck! Haha so many things!”

This was pathetic.

Sure you realized she was being flirty, but she did that with guys she had no intention of sleeping with too.

"How on earth would you get me a guy to fuck when we're in the middle of the sea?" Nami moved one step closer.

"I want to relax y/n... you told me you would help." Nami's voice came out as pure honey to you, and she made the whole situation worse by leaning towards your ear to say so.

Your head was the only thing above water, your eyes wide staring up at Nami. You were processing just what her intentions were, and your mouth was slightly open in shock.

You blinked once or twice then nodded yes to her.

She laughed, then got out of the water and grabbed a towel. She layed it out next to the edge of the bath, and sat on it. "Are you good?"

You stood a bit more, your chest being completely exposed now. (You were desperately trying not to think too much about it.) Taking a second too long to answer her question, since you were trying to comprehend it.

"I'm uhh... well why don't you decide?" You were desperately grabbing at any confidence you could find, but your voice betrayed you by going shyer and more quiet.

"What? you're mumbling."

"You should find out.. or whatever" Thankfully you were louder, and felt some rush to be more confident. You had looked to the side, but you'd take it.

Nami chuckled, and you looked back to her. She had a blush on her face and you decided you wanted to see it forever.

Feeling the previous rush of confidence, you put your hands on her legs. The area just above her knees was so soft and plush that you could see her skin dimple under your hands. Glad you chose that spot, you pushed her legs gently open.

She was beautiful all over apparently. Her pussy had a small bush around it, her lips pressing out just a bit. They looked like they wanted a kiss. You didn't want to stare too long so you pushed yourself up, placing your lips just above her knee, directly above where your hand was still placed.

You started kissing her leg, running your hands up and down her thighs as you did. Feeling her skin was unbelievable since she was still so soft from her shower and bath. You had closed your eyes, to focus on how her thighs felt on your lips, but you realized she might be blushing so you kissed and looked up towards her.

"hey don't... y/n..." not only did she have a blush still plastered on her face, she was also smiling and looking down at you before you even truly met her eyes.

You didn't listen, and kept staring while moving your way up her thighs.

Nami showed her embarrassment and frustration in one move of her hand. She put a hand in your hair and pushed gently, forcing your head back down. You laughed into her thigh before continuing your kissing tour.

Finally, you reached her hip, finding her bikini line and sucking. Nami let out a small laugh, that slowly morphed into a heavy breathing the longer you sucked. Feeling her pull your hair a bit, you took the hint that she was ready to move on. You brushed your hand up to her hips, giving them a small squeeze before pulling her thighs a bit more apart.

You looked up at her and situated yourself more directly in front of her. "You're so beautiful Nami..." your voice was deep and you were shocked at just how horny you sounded.

You kissed just above her pussy, feeling her hairs tickle your nose. then you moved down and placed one long and slow lick. If there was anything you were doing it was definitely savoring this experience.

She gasped when you started the lick, and you would've too, had your mouth not been occupied. She didn't taste like flowers or candy, she tasted just ever so slightly tangy. In another world it was definitely a flavor you would beg to taste nightly.

You finished with flicking your tongue on her clit, and she gasped again. "hah two gasps on one lick? so sensitive, aren't you nami?"

You looked up at her, surprised to see her smile gone and her breath heavy with pleasure. Despite you barely even beginning.

"Shut up its been a second, and you got me all riled on purpose."

You chuckled back, before going back towards where her hole was. You looked up at her and placed your tongue on her. Waiting a second before moving your tongue just barely inside her, then dragging up to just below her clit. You closed your eyes and kissed, before sticking your tongue out again and licking her. You were pretty sloppy here, but it was almost more for you than her. You took a second to lick her different folds, then found her bundle with your tongue, eyes still closed. You pressed flat against it before going a bit more pointy with the tip of your tongue and flicking.

You increased the speed a bit, and switched to sucking every once in a while. You brushed your teeth against her, then sucked a bit with them and your lips. She moaned, and the grip she had. in your hair tightened. You kept sucking there, drinking in her sounds.

Wanting to enjoy yourself too, you moved back down, taking another long and slow lick. Getting the chance to taste all the hard work you were putting in. She moaned again, this time a little more like a whimper. Like she was begging for more.

You used this opportunity to lift her leg on to your shoulder, using one hand to keep it there and the other taking advantage of the new open space. Sliding in one finger, your palm facing up.

"fuck Nami, you feel good." You didn't look up at her to tell her, instead saying it into her pussy so that she could feel the vibrations directly from your vocal cords.

"Y/n..." she said your name like a cry for help, and you knew what she was asking for.

You slid your finger out, putting it in your mouth. You looked up at her as you licked it clean, "You taste so amazing, I feel like I could eat you till I die." The hand she had rested on your head pushed you back down, a bit more forceful. "You are so embarrassing".

You laughed into her and slid your two middle fingers into her, "Tell me about it baby". You once again let her feel the vibrations, hearing your reward immediately after. Her moans sounded so sweet, they sounded even sweeter once you started fingering her and sucking on her clit at the same time.

You were pressing up onto her g-spot, moving your fingers on and off it in a 'come here' motion. She started humping your face a bit, so you figured she was getting closer. You started alternating between sucking, pressing your lips onto her, and licking fast. You felt her hump at a specific rhythm and tried to match it with your fingers.

She moved her other hand to your head and you felt her clench around your fingers.

"Y/n just like that... fuck please... don't stop" Her voice came off as needy and whining and you couldn't be happier.

Then it all aligned, you pressed into her with your fingers, sucked on her clit, and grunted into her. She gasped and let out a louder moan and jutted her hips into your face.

You felt her wetness spill onto your chin and your hand, giving her clit kisses while she came down and had some residual twitches onto your face.

Feeling her lay back and breath heavy, you slowly put her leg down to let her relax fully. You kept your hands on her thighs, tracing shapes into them while you watched her. Her chest was moving up and down, all you could do was sit and watch her.

You were frozen, not knowing what friends do after one of them get eaten out.

"Uh.. id say you are good... uhm... hmmm" Nami's voice was deep and she was still breathing pretty heavy. you were kinda amazed that you were the only reason for her state of being.

"Want me to lay next to you? Or we could get you to bed?" You asked, poking her thigh to make sure she wouldn't fall asleep right then and there.

"What? I don't get both?"

You liked Nami, a little too much. If she asked for all the money you had in that moment you would hand it over, "Yeah you can get both.."

You got out of the water, and grabbed two towels, first making sure yours is secured, then wrapping Nami in one as well. You bent over to her ear, "im gonna pick you up..."

Nami didn't even open her eyes, and you lifted her, bridal style.

Once the two of you were back in the girl's quarters you layed Nami into her bed, "Do you still want me to join you?"

"OF course! come here.." Her tone was more demanding than before, and she forced a hand onto your arm. while she was pulling you, you glanced over to robin. She had the widest smirk on, giving you a knowing glance as you fell onto the bed.

You figured it was obvious, the two of you in towels and Nami being carried, but seeing robin's face made it clear that soon everyone on the ship would know.

But that didn't matter. You could smell namis hair, the braid you did for her still holding up beautifully. Her wavy orange hair was curling around the hair tie still, so you figured you would give it something better. You held the braid in your hand, and the curl wrapped around your finger.

You put your other hand around Nami, it falling somewhere on her waist. Nami did you two the favor of pulling the covers up over your bodies. Once they were covered, the two of you twisted together like threads in a blanket.

This is how you were meant to be.

[thefactsofthematter]

delanceys. what is their psychology. why are they the way they are. why do they wanna punch down on those barely a peg below them on the class ladder. why do they hate jack specifically. go go go -@jack-kellys

ty @jack-kellys for enabling me!! i’ll lay down some backstory thoughts here, and i got another ask where i’ll get into my thoughts abt their personalities n stuff!!

okay here we go:

- so. they’re the only people jack knows who spent longer in the refuge than he did. they were already in there the first time he got put in, and didn’t get out until after his second stint there, when wiesel finally came to get them (claiming to be their long-lost uncle, when he really asked snyder if he could take a couple kids to put to work at the newspaper, and was given 14 year old oscar and 12 year old morris just to get them out of the way).

- spending a good chunk of their formative years in jail severely fucked up their worldview and ways of thinking. their dad dropped them off himself, not wanting anything to do with them after their mom died, and they’ve only had each other ever since.

- they spent over 3 years in there, surviving by keeping to themselves and never starting fights, only finishing them. they watched jack constantly mouth off at the guards and go kicking and screaming whenever he got dragged out of the room for some kind of punishment - and they resented him for it, bc the guards would often be much more aggressive and mean after incidents like that. jack kelly came into the refuge, made things worse for everyone, and then found some clever way to sneak out… TWICE. it was infuriating.

- so they finally got out, and started their new job at the world, only to find out that jack fucking kelly was a newsie now, and a popular one at that. he had the same smart mouth that got him in trouble in the refuge, but all it did out here was make the other kids laugh - and he often put it to use against oscar and morris, with cutting comments and mean jokes that felt unwarranted at first, pushing them to really start bullying jack and the newsies in return.

- their job at the newspaper is miserable, but there’s no escaping it - they spend long days counting and bundling papers, and then they have to stand there and hand them out to the newsies, who just seem like they have so much fun. those kids live with their friends in the lodging house, and they roam the streets all day, and they’re always laughing and joking… while oscar and morris share a tiny bedroom at wiesel’s place, and don’t often get to be around anyone other than each other. they’re paid only in room and board - if they were to try to run away and leave the job, they’d be homeless and penniless, with both wiesel and snyder out to chase them down.

- a detail i’m gonna elaborate on eventually is that i think oscar, as the older brother, is much angrier than morris is. his entire life has been about keeping morris safe… something he’s largely failed at. no matter what he does, he’s forced to see his brother scared and hurt and exhausted and beaten-down, practically all the time. morris, while just as big and strong as his brother, is scared of wiesel, scared of snyder, sometimes even scared of oscar’s bad moods and temper, meaning all of oscar’s efforts to protect him typically backfire and make things worse.

- so they’re angry. they punch down because that’s all that’s ever been done to them. they don’t care about anyone other than each other, and they resent jack and the newsies for a life that looks better than their own isolated one, despite knowing that it’s just as hard out there for them. the older they get, the more people they start to take their rage out on - like beating up on trolley strikers, which is the only type of extra work wiesel allows them to pick up in the evenings, or doing snyder’s dirty work and dragging kids to the refuge as some kind of revenge for everything they’ve gone through.

- they suck, right? but in their situation, who wouldn’t? it’s hard to feel bad for them, given how cruel they are in canon, but it’s definitely interesting to take a look at where they might’ve come from. these poor fellas just never managed to catch a break, and it ruined them :(

[harry-styles-obsessed]

A sense of hope

Y/n x harry

Warnings mature: mention of abuse, harm, guilt, lots of fluff at the end, gore, manipulation- please don’t read if any of these things are sensitive to you. Thank you(:

Word count: 4k

“Jack, please, for the love of god me and Harry are just friends!”

Your voice trembled ever so slightly as you stare at the man in front of you, his jaw clenched, his hands curled into fists and his eyes practically black… wait- no. They were jet black. This was the Jack that terrified you. When you first met him which was over two years ago he was such a sweetheart, a loving charming man but then something switched within him and he turned into this angry beast of a man who hated anyone you got close to, even women… he despised it and what frightened you most was the fact that you knew he was starting to hate you.

“How many times?” He spat out and you stared at him shocked, your brows raising “excuse me?” You asked in complete shock. “I asked how many times!” He raised his voice getting closer and closer to you backing you up into the wall and you let out a shaky breath “how many fucking times did you sleep with Harry?” He asked and you blinked, confused “what- wait- I never slept with him he’s just my friend! I promise!” You exclaimed practically begging him to believe you, his nostrils flared as he glared down at you, his breathing quickening as he seemingly resisted the urge to slap you. “I’m not a fool y/n…. So you either get fucking rid of him or I’ll make you regret it. You have an hour to sort this bullshit out.” he said before he brought his hand back and in one swift moment slapped you right across the cheek.

Your hand desperately cradled your burning cheek as you stared at him utterly confused at his outburst, watching as he walked away moving into the living room, the slap stung slightly but he had done much worse. You stood there for a couple of moments, words unable to find there way out of your mouth as you stood and stared. As the stinging faded you let out a shaky breath before making your way upstairs, pausing just on the third step, hearing the sound of a beer being opened. Great. You ignored it though moving upstairs as you pulled your phone out of your pocket, sitting down on your bed as you sighed softly, staring straight at Harry’s contact. You didn’t want to get rid of him but if you didn’t you’d get hurt… you didn’t want to pick Jack over him but you were scared what Jack would do to you and even Harry himself.

You took a deep breath pressing the FaceTime icon at the top of the screen and within a few seconds Harry had answered, he was sat in his car, hair messy and AirPods resting in his ears “hey stranger” he said with a beaming smile which you wished to return but you felt miserable. “hi H” you said softly, a weak smile tugging at your lips “what’s wrong?” Harry asked almost instantly sensing something was wrong “um…” you cleared your throat letting out a little sigh “did j-“ he started but the camera went spiralling as a few cuss words were heard from Harry’s end, “oops- fuck, shit, bloody hell. Im so sorry y/n, just dropped you” he said as a soft laugh fell from your lips as you smiled, as he picked his phone back up, focusing the phone back on himself he was smiling but still looked just as concerned “sorry, continue what you were saying” he said with a little grin and you smiled “no no you were saying something,” you urged and he shook his head ��it really doesn’t matter seems like you’re in a rush anyways so you go first” he assured,

A small grateful smile formed on your face as you sighed “well, uh, you see um… I- I don’t know how to tell you…” you said nervously and he studied your expression his brows knitting together “did Jack do something to you?” He suddenly asked his expression contorting into a protective anger, Harry had always despised Jack- he knew something was off with him from the get-go and you knew Harry didn’t like him but you wanted to believe Jack would get better with treating you with respect but that “respectfulness” declined and declined faster than anything. A shaky sigh escaped your lips “no… no… of course not” you smiled but the look on Harry’s face told you he didn’t believe you “do you need me to come over? I’ve got no plans… I can come over and spend some time with you?” He offered ‘yes’ your brain immediately fought to get the first word but your heart immediately spoke “no no… it’s okay- honestly. I’m okay. I promise.” You said with a soft laugh acting as okay as possible but Harry wasn’t stupid he could see right through you.

“Y/n you don’t need to lie” he whispered to you, his tone quiet on the phone and you gazed at him, your eyes clouding over with fear and you blinked a few times “I-I’m okay. Jack just-“ You said glancing up quickly as you heard a creek having to do a double take as you saw Jack standing there his hands clenched into fists and your eyes widened in fear and without any hesitation you hung up on Harry “babe-“ he cut you off “don’t you dare babe me you fucking bitch. Did you tell him? Did you tell him to leave you the hell alone huh? Or did you tell him something else?” He asked and you stared at him shocked “I-I-“ “I-I nothing y/n!! I gave you an hour you fucking whore.” He yelled his tone aggressive and angry and as he practically ran at you, you clambered off of the bed “Jack calm down okay? I promise I didn’t say anything to him” you said and he let out a laugh “don’t act like I didn’t hear that… are you stupid?” He grabbed your phone out of your hands throwing it down on the ground before he stomped on it, his fist flying towards you and you squeezed your eyes shut tightly, feeling the vibration from the wall as he punched a hole into the wall just beside your head “I told you if you didn’t end things with him then you’d regret it! Didn’t I you stupid bitch” he spat out, your voice silent as you stared at him, you wanted to stick up for yourself but you were unable to your breathing heavy and uneven.

“I don’t want to hurt you y/n! I want to love you! But you’re letting this prick Harry get in the middle of us!” He screamed, seemingly having a massive tantrum right in front of you, his tantrum turning into a fit of rage as he began throwing things around the room, making holes in every wall possible, “HARRY IS MY FRIEND” you screamed having enough of his bullshit- you were fed up to the back teeth of his childish behaviour. Your yelling made him freeze, his hands dropping to his side as he looked like a deranged animal with rabies, practically foaming at the mouth with anger his eyes a terrifying colour…. He took slow steps towards you “please just stop. You’re scaring me” You said more calmly and he stopped just in front of you staring into your eyes before he smiled, his face soft and loving but his eyes were a raging ocean “I love you” he whispered his hands gently cupping your face as he smiled pulling you close to him as he pressed a kiss to your lips “oh I love you” he said wrapping his arms around you swaying you back and forth in his arms “I’m sorry for scaring you” he whispered into your ear pressing a delicate kiss to your temple.

“You’re so beautiful… so gorgeous… and you know what else?” You looked up into his eyes watching smiling softly, the darkness returning to his eyes making your skin crawl “and a dumb fucking bitch.” He spat out, his fingers curling into your hair as he threw you down onto your ground and as you tried to fight back- getting onto your knees, he kicked your back forcing you to fall down your face hitting the floor harshly as his foot began repeatedly kicking at your stomach each kick becoming less and less painful, oxygen burning to find a way into your lungs, words of anger left his mouth as he used you as his kicking bag every little movement from you earning a kick in the face as you begged him to stop your begging soon dying down as you began to whimper in agony “I loved you! You wasted it all on him you slag” he said and as you felt like you were floating into an unconscious state, the kicking stopped and you forced your eyes open watching as a blurry figure began to beat the living shit out of Jack.

Harry tapped Jack on the shoulder and as the shorter male turned around stopping his abuse, Harry’s hand adorned with rings swung to punch Jack right in the face, the rings leaving marks on his cheeks as Harry stared at Jack emotionless. He was pissed. In a rage. He wouldn’t let Jack get away with this. Jack attempted to punch Harry but Harry grabbed a hold of his wrist, twisting it in an agonisingly painful way, before Harry swiped his foot under jacks forcing him to fall to the floor, a cry of pain falling from the males mouth. “Shut the hell up” he said before he knelt down grabbing a hold of jacks hair pulling him up forcing him to stand back up “oh they’re gonna enjoy you in prison” Harry said and before Jack could even respond Harry had shoved him back down onto the door, his foot then mercilessly kicking at jacks body, before Harry stood over Jack kneeling down onto one knees, his hand wrapping around jacks throat as he began choking him making it impossible for him to breathe as Jack gaped and gasped for breath scratching his nails into Harry’s tattooed arm to try and break himself free “are you going to do this again?” Harry asked painfully slowly making Jack gasp as he wriggled “are you?!” Harry yelled in his face making Jack shake his head repeatedly “no! No! I-I-I promise” he said and Harry kept his hand around jacks throat before letting go and grabbing a fistful of his shirt before using his free hand to punch Jack in the face. Over. And over. And over again until blood pooled out of his nose, in those moments harry didn’t care, even if he himself went to prison he wouldn’t care. “You sorry bastard.” He spat out before continuing to reign punches down onto his face.

Your vision remained blurry as a dark tall figure stood up straight before he got closer and closer to you “y/n? Hey you with me?” His voice was oh so familiar “harry” you whispered weakly and he nodded “that’s me.” He said and without even saying anything you threw your arms around his neck, holding onto him tightly “careful” he urged in a loving tone and you looked into his eyes letting out a shaky breath as the tears began flowing “I’m so sorry… I-I you’re gonna go to prison.. I-I cant lose you…. Harry please” you sobbed out and Harry looked into your eyes before he took your face into his hands, a slight flinch coming from you as you were afraid but he gently rubbed his thumbs against your cheeks assuring you that you were okay “if I go to prison that’s okay…” he whispered and you frowned “why? Why is it okay? Nothings okay” you whispered tears falling continuously and he made you look into your eyes “because you’re okay.” He said, a confused expression forming on your face “I don’t care whether I go to prison because you’re safe… you’re alive and that means it’s all worth it.” He said and you looked at him your expression soft and he pressed a kiss to your forehead

“It was all worth it y/n.”

You loved him so Incredibly much and wanted nothing more than for him to stay with you forever he was your safe haven. He held your face in his hands “you’re safe with me okay? You’ve got no reason to be sorry. I promise I’ll take care of you.” He said keeping an arm around you as he took his phone out calling 999 and before he could even press dial Jack began trying to get up to make an escape, and Harry’s tall frame immediately stood up “stay the hell down you sorry fuck.” He demanded and without even having to say anything more Jack looked at him with a scared look before falling back to the floor almost dramatically,

Harry then crouched down beside you once again, his arm encircling around you as he pulled you close, his fingers rubbing up and down your back as he explained to the 999 dispatcher what had happened and within minutes a police car had arrived, two officers getting Harry’s statement and then yours before they arrested Jack the asshole being removed from the room “would you like us to call an ambulance?” The officer asked and you immediately shook your head, Harry beginning to disagree with you but you shot him a pleasing look and he simply fell silent “no thank you, officer. Thank you for your time.” He said holding you close and as the front door slammed shut Harry slowly turned to look at you “you’re injured darling, you need an ambulance.” He said softly and you shook your head “please harry… I just need to clean myself up and then we can see what my injuries look like from there on okay?” You said softly and he nodded “okay.”

“Careful easy does it” he murmured helping you stand holding onto your hands tightly before his arm encircled around your waist “I-I really don’t want to clean myself in here… please can we go to your place?” You asked almost afraid he would say no and as he looked into your eyes his expression softened as he simply smiled “of course we can.” He said and you smiled gratefully. You knew it would be painful to go downstairs and Harry knew that too and without even asking him whether he’d happily carry you, he simply and carefully picked you up, your legs wrapping around his waist as he carefully made his way downstairs making sure each step was trodden on carefully so you wouldn’t feel any pain. He cared so deeply about you and wanted you to be okay.

~

The drive to Harry’s house was quiet, Harry’s jaw clenched, his eyes flicking towards you ever so slightly every now and then almost making sure you were okay. He had noticed how your head was lulling back and forth, he knew you couldn’t sleep without sound and so he very subtly turned the radio on “get some rest darling, I’ll wake you when we’re there.” He said and almost as if you needed his permission to fall asleep your head fell gently onto the window, the coolness cooling your skin as you fell into a deep yet peaceful sleep.

What felt like seconds later a gentle hand shook your shoulder as you fluttered your eyes open gazing at Harry “we’re here…” he said softly and you let out a little groan, your body stiff and achy as you tried to undo your seatbelt, your arms being so tired and Harry noticed that, and instead of making you feel bad about it he simply unbuckled you before making his way round to the passenger side of the car, pulling the door open as he leant down hooking his hands under your arms as he carefully pulled you out, wrapping your arm gently around his shoulders as he began helping you into the house.

As you got into his bathroom he helped you sit on the toilet seat “would you like a bath?” He asked softly and you looked at him tiredly “I… I…” you wanted to of course you did but you knew he’d see you naked as there was no way you’d get in and out of the bath by yourself “there’s no pressure sweetheart… only if you want” he said gently his hand assuringly rubbing against your arm “if you don’t mind” you said softly and he smiled “of course I don’t mind” he said before standing up as he turned the hot and cold taps on before picking up two bottles of bubble bath as he smiled at you “lavender or marshmallows?” He asked and you smiled pointing at the lavender one and he smiled “good choice” he then unscrewed the cap before pouring the silky liquid into the bath before lowering his hand into the water and circulating all the water around creating mass amounts of bubbles and once the bath was at a warm temperature and at the right level he turned the taps off and turned to look at you struggling to get your top off, his expression softening “do you want some help?” He asked softly and you looked at him scared worry he’d judge you, say something to make you feel worse but this was Harry… Harry was the man you’d trust with your whole being and slowly you nodded your head “please”

He then got closer to you “can you lift your arms for me?” He asked gently and you did, a dull ache in your bones but it was okay. He then lifted your T-shirt over your head discarding it onto the floor, “trousers too?” He asked and you were able to unbutton them but you struggled to pull them down and he noticed that, his hands gently tugging your trousers down and once they were off he must’ve sensed the insecurity pooling out of you the slight trembles of your hands and the slight shake in your breathing only convinced him more and his hands took yours as he gazed into your eyes “hey… this is a judgement free zone I assure you…” he said and you looked at him sadly “it’s not you.” You whispered and he nodded allowing you to continue your words “Jack, he would call me names… slut… slag… fat… bitch… everything a-and I- I think he cheated on me… he must’ve… I mean who wants a wasteful bitch like myself anyways” you said immediately earning a disapproving look from Harry “no. We don’t talk about ourselves like that. You’re not a bitch and you’re not a waste. You’re beautiful and any man would be lucky to have you.” He said and tears soon began freely flowing down your cheeks “you don’t understand H” you whispered and he looked into your eyes “what don’t I understand?” He asked softly “I hate myself” you spat out a hurt expression forming on his face but he immediately pushed it away “well then… I’ll make it my mission to make sure you’ll find that love for yourself all over again.”

“I won’t look I promise.” He said softly, helping you unclasp your bra, he stood behind you his eyes remaining on the clasps of your bra and nothing else and like he promised he didn’t look, turning around to give you your privacy as you got into the bath, but after a second or two he heard a desperate sob falling from your lips “help me” you said softly feeling useless and he turned around his hands immediately holding onto your hips to keep you stable, he kept his eyes on your eyes not making you feel uncomfortable what so ever “I-I can’t get in” you whispered and he smiled “I’ll help you don’t worry” he assured his arm securely wrapping around your stomach before he effortlessly lifted you up and into the bath, the warm water immediately sending tingles up and down your spine, his hands holding onto yours as he helped you sit down “easy does it… well done… good girl.” He praised with a soft loving smile.

You sunk into the warmth of the water fluttering your eyes shut as he drowned a flannel in warm bubbly water before lifting it out before wringing out the access water before he knelt down onto his knees resting his forearm against the edge of the bathtub, using one corner of the flannel to gently rub the blood from your face, his touch gentle and soft. Your vision was starting to get better, the fuzziness leaving as Harry became a lot more clear his soft comforting features bringing warmth to you as you knew you were safe. As you sat up ever so slightly he began to wash your back, you fluttered your eyes shut your breathing calm and soft as he continued cleaning you, washing your body for you giving you his undivided attention.

“Your cheek” you said, horrified, noticing the purple-ish bruise forming on his cheek “it’s nothing don’t worry” he said looking into your eyes, your wet hand gently reaching out cupping his cheek as you brushed your thumb against the bruise “I’m so sorry… I never meant for him to hurt you” you said softly and he smiled at you “I said it’s okay. He’s an unhinged crazy bastard. He isn’t your problem anymore I promise.” He said softly gazing into your eyes, oh how his lips looked so kissable.

~

He helped you stand out of the bath, opening a towel as he wrapped it around you and instead of letting go he simply held you to his chest, lifting you out of the bath until your feet hit the ground again, he held the towel at the back for you so it wouldn’t fall down and as you took it holding it around yourself he let go “I’ll go get you some clothes okay” he said softly and you nodded gratefully. After a second or two he came back with a pair of boxers and a baggy T-shirt of his “I’ll leave you in here to get changed okay?” “No- please don’t” you said softly and he looked at you “I don’t want to be alone” you said and he smiled nodding his head “okay.” He said softly. He kept his back turned to you as you put on his T-shirt and boxers and once you were decent he turned back round to you “you must be tired, yeah? A warm beds awaiting your arrival” he said with a soft smile before he wrapped his arm around your waist leading you to the bed, his king sized bed was comfy and warm… it was very comforting to be honest.

As you laid down he got in beside you, turning off the night light the light from the bathroom being the only light but you didn’t mind. “If you need anything… let me know okay” he said softly, his breath fanning against your face as you nodded your head “okay, thank you Harry… seriously.” You said gently and he smiled, even though the room was dark you were both still able to see one another “no problem… sleep well okay? I love you.” He said and you gazed into his eyes “I love you too Harry.” You said quietly but you meant it, and instead of either of you falling asleep or even moving you both got closer to each other “just hold me, please” you whispered and he happily obliged his arms wrapped securely around you, his forehead nestling against yours, your parted lips practically brushing against his, both your noses lightly brushing against each other and slowly but surely his lips sealed against yours, your eyes fluttering shut as your hand slid up to cup against his cheek, the kiss being gentle but passionate, soft but hungry. Tears of relief slowly slid down your cheeks as you continued to kiss him, his kisses soon moving up your cheek as he kissed away your tears “I love you so much so so much.” You whispered and he smiled down at you “and I love you just as much my love.” He said the pad of his thumb brushing against your skin slowly and gently “I love you more than life itself… I’ll never stop loving you.” He said and the more you stared into his eyes the more you fell in love.

“But as much as I love you.. you need to sleep… you need to rest. Okay? We can do whatever you want whenever you want but I just want you to heal okay?” He said quietly and you nodded snuggling further into him, your head resting against his chest as you listened to his heartbeat. His lips etching little kisses onto your forehead as he played with your hair ever so slightly, his fingers making patterns into your back as he kept you close your eyes fluttering shut as you fell into a deep peaceful sleep, the sound of his heartbeat and breathing lulling you into a perfect sleep… Harry was your hero… Harry was your second chance… Harry was a sense of hope.

[i-write-my-feeling]

Shut out

The door bursts open and she comes in trying to hide her face. Failing miserably, I notice that her cheeks are red, and her eyes are heavy, probably from crying.

“Hey woah, Ollie,” I jump up from the couch and try to catch her at the front door, “What’s up?”

“Nothing. Leave me alone.” Ollie’s voice is raw as she dodges me and heads for her room.

“No,” I reach for her and catch her shoulder, stopping her a few feet from her door. She whips her head over her shoulder and my breath gets caught in my throat. Those chocolate brown eyes I love are filled with flames, nothing kind left. “I-,” trying to form a sentence is near impossible when she is looking at me like that. Like my hand burned her. Like I am her worst enemy, not her roommate.

“Just stop,” She interrupts my thought process with harsh words that come out cracked. Her voice comes out broken. Her eyes fill with tears, she blinks, a single tear falling out of her eye. If only those tears knocked out that flame. “You can’t fix this- you can’t fix me.”

Shaking my hand off her shoulder, she makes it the couple steps further to her room and slams the door behind her. I run after her and slap my hands on the door leaning towards it.

“Ollie!” My voice getting louder simply because I am scared. Terrified. “Open the door Ol,” One of my hands smacks the door a few times and I wait for a response. Silence.

My forehead meets the cold door and I let out a shaky sigh, trying to catch some sort of composure. I wasn’t ready for this. We were going to watch TV when she got home. I don’t even know where this could be coming from.

“Ol please,” My voice comes out strained. Fear keeps me glued to the door and I listen for her. For anything. A couple of rustles make it through the door but nothing that can be deciphered. Her anger usually is heard from the aggressive pacing that could pound out the carpet if I didn’t stop her. All the possible problems surface in my head and I am swimming in an ocean of fear. Something is very wrong.

“Please,” I whisper to the door, hoping the sound can make it to her. My heavy breathing fills my ears, and I can’t focus. Now thankful that I have my entire body plastered on the door, I try to catch my breath. Try to catch some sort of neutral so I can talk to her.

Her sniffles seep out of the seams of the door, piercing my heart.

“Let me do something,” Silence. My fear is taken over by anger. She always lets me in. I can’t do anything on the other side of this fucking door.

“Olivia!” I didn’t mean for it to come out so angry. “Damn it Ol, let me in!” My hand hits the door a few more times, the fear and anger rising together.

I am completely shattered by a whimper that slips out of her. She must be trying so hard to keep it together somewhere on the other side of this door. I am only making it worse.

“Ol,” turning around I slide my body down the door and thump on the floor. “I’m sorry. Just let me in. Let me help you.” I get no response.

“Take it out on me,” I hope I am actually talking.

 “I need you to do something. Be angry. Be sad. Be something. Open the door and beat me up. Open the door and let me hold you while you cry. Let me do something Ol. Please don’t keep me out.”

Silence.

She shut me out. Nothing I can say will help her. I can’t knock down the door either. That will just make this worse. She shut me out.

I adjust my arm so I can slip my hand under the door, as far as it will go. My fingers make it past the door and I settle my head against the door.

“I am not leaving,” my voice is back, “let me know when you are ready.”

After a silence that felt like an eternity, I felt something in my hand. A couple of her fingers settled on mine. The sun came out from behind the clouds. The fire started to go down. She let me in.

“I got you Ol.”

[parttimepuff]

His phrasing really made Beep nervous. "I-If you, wanna hear it." Reverie added. Staring at him for a moment, she replied. "You keep asking me if I want you to hurt yourself." Her father stiffened, taken aback. "That's-I want to respect your feelings." He defended. His daughter was having none of that. "My feelings are I want you to be better and happy. You and Orbee. You deserve that, Dad."

The Dream Fae slumped. "….y-yeah. Yeah. Me too." Reverie agreed, feeling the guilt set in again. "I just have… so, so many things to deal with. Not even including what we're trying to do now. And not dealing with any of it isn't helping. But dealing with it hurts and I… I keep putting it off. …and it's not fair that I'm putting any of it on you. I always do that…" He rambled.

She was tired of hearing him blame himself. "What do I do, then? Because I can’t help with anything else. I can't do good when I try and you feel bad and I can’t help that so what do I do? What are you so scared of?" Beep demanded to know. It was a combination of things attacking him at once. Another reminder that he was at fault for making her feel terrible about herself. Another reminder that his pain only caused more for her. That his best attempts still weren't good enough.

Something snapped in him. "So much!!! So many things!!!" Reverie shouted. "Of being around too many people, of being all alone, of being hated, of being loved, of Kirby, of Dedede, of hurting people I care about because I can't say no." Tears welled up in his eyes. "Of screwing up your life because that's just what I do." Beep stared at him wide eyed and he began to calm down, feeling the guilt outweigh his frustration with himself.

"….sorry. I have a history of… giving my all for people. Giving everything. …and ruining them. It's happened so many times. And I would never fucking forgive myself if I did it to you." Reverie explained. Beep continued to stare at him, completely shocked. "….i shouldn't have snapped at you. I'm…I-I'm really sorry." He apologized, fully engulfed once again in a somber mood.

"But, I’m making you give it all." Beep realized, his expression becoming stern. "No, I did before. When I made myself miserable for you. You made me stop." Reverie stated seriously, quickly losing that confidence. "….no one…. no one has ever made me stop before." He mumbled. "Because I liked you." She told him, growing more concerned. "W...why? It was, bad. I could feel it was wrong even though I didn’t understand it. Why would people keep… doing that." The Matter questioned.

"…I gave them what they wanted. And I, tried to stay happy about it. Maybe they didn't notice, maybe they did. I just… wanted them to keep liking me. And I, would keep doing what they wanted, even if I knew it was bad for them." Reverie elaborated, pausing. "…it was, my dreams. That they wanted. That they wanted more than, they wanted me." He revealed. "oh…" Beep replied in the smallest voice. Some things were making a bit more sense.

Little as he wanted to, he pressed on. "…eventually, they wouldn't even want to be awake anymore. And I'd, work up the courage to leave. …it always felt like my fault. If I'd just, put my foot down at some point or…" Or what? Reverie sighed shakily. "…i'm just, not good at that." He finished. His daughter paused, floating a bit closer to him. "But, you’re getting better." Beep pointed our. "I am… I am getting better. I'm finally… finally learning how to, be better."The Dream Fae hesitantly agreed. Silence fell over them before she spoke up again. "But, why are you scared of being loved. It doesn’t hurt you. Orbee loves you. …I do, too." Beep's eye got watery. "I don’t, want you to be scared of m-me…" That stung his heart. "…I'm just… scared that anyone who loves me… I'll screw up. That I'll do something wrong and… and you'll regre-et, giving me a chance…" Reverie answered.

"No, I don’t!! Shut up!" Beep shouted, angry now. "You’re the best thing that’s happened to me and I just, want to give that back. I want those people that did that to you, I want to go bite them." She expressed, fist clenched. "I know you won't… But I've, spent so much more of my life in situations like that than here with you that it… it's hard to break the habit." Reverie lamented.

"Beep… thank you… you and Orbee are the best things to happen to me." Reverie insisted, before considering her more violent idea. "Heh… I doubt most of them are still around now. But, I wouldn't mind that." He added. "I’ll go find their graves." Beep snarled. "Oh my god, Beep." Her father replied. It wasn't funny, yet he couldn't help but smile a little. She just really wanted to defend him. "…if we ever run into one of them… I'm glad I can count on you to stick up for me."

[fckenjournal]

Realization…

I realize I’m hurt and I still miss them and I’m angry but over everything else I’m ashamed

Because I realized it was just a matter of time before she left me

I was so in my head about my “family” that I was miserable and then I became miserable to be around the family I always wished for

I was so angry about the people back in our hometown that I was stupidly pushing away and hurting the people who were my home

So yeah I’m hurt and angry still but I was hurt and angry before them..

And instead of embracing them, her completely

I just let myself become trapped in my own head

I never felt so ashamed

I let it get like that

That I treated them like that

That I behaved like that

I might as well just gave up the night we met

Because, yes it was worth it - to me

But I don’t think it was worth it, for them

Because if you remove me from the picture, if we had never met…

She would’ve done everything - if not then so much more than she did

I held her back

Because yeah I was scared

But I was so scared that I was miserable

And I ruined things for them

I held her back

I’m so ashamed

I should be

I can’t fucken believe I did that

She should’ve left me sooner than that

I got exactly what I deserved

And I left with what I had when we met

Nothing

Not love or friends or genuine emotions

Except being hurt and angry and ashamed

And I should

She deserves so much better, they all do

I wanted to be

But I took too long

And I pushed them away too much and I let them down and I hurt them

Even if it was out of anger

It wasn’t towards them

They did not deserve that

And I deserve to have lost everything like I did

I deserve all this

The breakup and separation

The divorce

I deserve the short texts and I’m lucky

I’m so lucky that she even texts me anything to begin with but so lucky that it includes pictures of the dogs and cat

At any moment, it’s going to stop

And I’ll deserve it

I deserve all of this

Everything that’s ever happened to me

I deserved it

A lot of it I couldn’t control

But this, I could’ve

I don’t try to fix things with them because that’s what happens when you keep letting people down - especially if you’re coming into their family before they become yours…

You keep fucking up and then they realize that they could just leave you at any point because they’re a family before you, they’re a family without you too -

They just won’t be your family anymore

So I can keep writing they’re my family, they’re my home

But they’re not saying it too

They’re not thinking it

I’m not even an echo in a memory

If life’s a book

I’m not even in theirs

I can say that I’d want to be in their lives or that I love them and want to fix things and I’m sorry

Because it’s true

But it doesn’t matter if no one cares anymore

It doesn’t matter because all I want right now, something I can control

Is that sign I got

Thats what I’m focused on

I just needed to get this out of my head

[deyadee]

The Gray

What is the point of living if you’re always living in the gray?

I don’t really hit the same depths of despair that I used to, maybe that’s a good thing, maybe that’s a bad thing. I had a period where I would bounce between extreme optimism and joy and a sinking feeling of pain. Now I wouldn’t really say I’m sad or angry, just a dull disappointment with life.

I don’t really have anything I’m aiming for really. My hobbies don’t really have goals. I had an account that I felt pretty proud of growing, but it got deleted and in the dozens of attempts to grow a second to build up to the first it goes nowhere. Gets deleted again or gets 1-4 views, that is if it gets anything at all. So what I have now is no job, one or two friends, no ambitions, no partner. Nothing. I don’t really have any dreams that I don’t think are completely impossible. I doubt I find someone who will love me, I just think logically it’s impossible. I’ll end up in a loveless marriage where I’m miserable and want to just die. I want to be a YouTuber or something, but I don’t have any kind of skills or personality for it.

I feel like recently I’ve been haunted by this concept of “growing up”, it physically makes me sick to think about it. It’s not enough to just be that boring girl in class, it’s not enough to just not be pregnant at 16, it’s not enough to not smoke or vape or drink, it’s not enough that you’re just a “meh” person. You have to be the best at something. But you never can truly be the best. There’s always someone better than you that makes your existence worthless.

But I swear to fucking god it’s all I see anywhere any fucking game or movie I watch lately that’s the fucking theme and I can’t escape it. You shouldn’t be interested in that, you need to grow up, you shouldn’t like that you’re an adult, you should have a real job and live on your own and go to college and if you’re not doing that you’ve gotta be doing something fucking legendary that makes it ok for you to not be like everyone else. It’s weird to like anime and ponies and dolls, it’s weird to not know what to say, it’s weird to not answer someone when they’re talking to you. You shouldn’t want a job and a life that’ll make you happy because that’s just fake, your life will never be the cute little picturesque movie scene you imagine. You’re going to marry a man you don’t love, get a job you hate, scrape by to make ends meet, and fucking hate everything about yourself and your life like everyone else. It’s weird to hang out with your little sisters more than people your own age, it’s not my fucking fault all people wanna fucking talk about nowadays is fucking drugs or politics. “Oh yeah, I liked that too when I was a KID” Sorry I wanna have some fucking fun in my goddamn life that isn’t obsessing over what some old fuckers are gonna fuck us over with. They’re gonna fuck us over no matter what you do bitch, stop fucking acting like I’m a goddamn monster because I want to not go into a fucking spiral knowing that we’re gonna be sent back to the Stone Age by some motherfuckers that don’t give a fuck about us. I want to live and not be constantly fucking arguing and scared of goddamn everything. Am I in denial? YES! BECAUSE SOMETIMES YOU GODDAMN NEED TO BE TO LIVE.

I look around at everyone my own age and feel like I’m fucking insane because they look at me like I am. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing I don’t know what’s fucking correct or smart or socially acceptable. Where the fuck did all these goddamn rules and expectations come from?! What puts me on a different fucking level than everyone else? Why do I feel like I’m fifteen fucking chapters behind everyone else around me, like there’s some goddamn joke I don’t get that everyone expects me to. I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO. TELL ME TO FUCKING DANCE AND I’LL DANCE. TELL ME TO LAUGH AND I’LL GODDAMN DO IT WHAT MAKES ME DIFFERENT THAN ALL OF YOU? WHY AM I THE DUMB ONE HERE WHY AM J THE FREAK WHY AM I THE FUCKING CIRCUS MONKEY. WHY AM I THE FUCKING HANDBAG CHIHUAHUA YOU KEEP TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BETTER. WHY AM I PITIED WHAT’S FUCKING WRONG WITH ME DAMN IT?

Do I need to go back on my depression meds again? Do I need to go back to feeling absolutely nothing and staring at the ceiling for hours until I fall asleep? Do I need to go back to Vyvanse and feel like I’m still two steps behind everyone for trying to live my life like you always told me I should? “Don’t listen to the haters, just be yourself and make your own life the way you want” but that’s not what people mean. They want you to live the way they want, as an accessory to them. Because that’s what you are. You’re not a *real* person. You’re not *really* gay, you’re not *really* funny, you’re not *really* unique, you’re not *really* ace, you’re not really- what the fuck am I then? Why does it feel like ever since third grade I’ve just been an *other*? I’m fucking 21, going to be 22 in August and I still feel like I’m everyone’s little pet, or the little brother you hand an unplugged controller and pretend to let them play “Oh you gotta shoot the zombies for me, ok? You’re doing *such* a great job!”

I want to tell someone about this, but who do you tell whenever you talk to your parents and they look at each other like you pissed yourself? Which friend do you ask when they look at you like you’re crazy when you say you actually still like movies that you liked when you were a kid? What subreddit do you type on when nothing sounds like what you go through? ADHD just talks about how fucking quirky and cute and lol xd random stimmies and Autism I can’t tell what the hell they’re even talking about? I know all those videos that say “You’re not alone, there’s so many people that love you more than you can ever know” want me to talk to my family or friends or something, or talk to someone on the hotline but I can’t bring myself to. I feel like I’m alone in this. I can’t describe this feeling to someone without them looking at me like I’m stupid.

What kind of medicine am I supposed to take to fix this? Can this even be fixed? If I can get it fixed would I still be me, I feel like being this fucking freak is who I am and anytime I’ve tried feeling like someone else I just feel like I’m somewhere where I don’t belong. People like me, if there even are any, don’t belong with the normal people. We’re not even people, we’re something lesser that others can just smell. They can hear it in your voice and see it on your face when you walk in the room. But what the hell is it, what the fuck is it, I don’t talk any differently than anyone else. I have the same Kentucky accent like the rest of my family, I look people in the eye when I talk to them, I listen to what they say, I try to speak as clearly as I can, my face doesn’t look that weird compared to anyone else. It’s not any kind of fucking ADHD because I’ve only really met one person with ADHD that was like me, all the rest feel like they’re lying about it or using it as some status symbol. Even then that other person was in middle school with me, they don’t act like that anymore. They learned how to blend in with the regulars. What the fuck is it then? Why can’t I break that barrier? What barrier is it even?

Why am I like this?

“Because I love you”

That’s what I asked god in a dream one time, back when I did believe in him. Is that what it meant? God also wants me as his little fucking monkey? Is that why people like me, because I’m too stupid to understand that I’m their parrot? Their little rat that keeps slamming into the cage?

Why am I like this? Why am I like this? Why am I like this? Why am I like this? Why am I like this? Why am I like this? Why am I like this? Why am I like this? Why am I like this? Why am I like this ? Why am I like this? Why am I like this? Why am I like this? Why am I like this?

[feelingthinggs]

IDK dude i love you to death but like i don't understand why you can't be calm, collected, or nice about anything. You have to escalate it and be rude to people. And no, that's not "just how you are," being a jerk isn't a personality trait. And i know you don't like me so it adds to that disdain. I get that your life is also super stressful rn with flooding and school and literally anything else on top of not being completely happy with your partner, so it's probably way more easy to lose your temper, but being kind shouldn't be so difficult. And this is how you've always been, very hot-headed and unopen to softness or understanding. It is also not nice to lie to people about things that someone did or said, like how you apparently were "never asked" about me being over there after MY DAD DIED, my gf broke up with me, and i lost my home and friends in orlando. When Charlie specifically mentioned that you WERE asked, and WERE talked to. It just doesn't make any sense where all this hatred and anger comes from in your soul, and heart. I don't understand it. I just hope you can grow and find more kindness in your heart and ultimately PATIENCE toward people, things, and situations. Without getting unbelievably angry and seeing red. It's not healthy to want to hurt people so deeply. You say the most hurtful things that purposefully stab deep into peoples' insecurities and fears like no one i've ever known. You only talk if you have something to correct someone about or invalidate them. Your entitlement knows no bounds

"And I think she knows all of this, she’s just too scared to acknowledge it because then she has to deal with the fact that her own narcissistic personality disorder is what is making her so goddamn miserable to be around and she doesn’t actually have anybody who cares about her enough to put up with it (besides Charlie because my boy is just in too deep with the time commitment that misery feels familiar and therefore comfortable now) and all she’s learned from her parents about to remedy and deal with the abusive treatment given unto others is to pretend it didn’t happen and give gifts to make up for it. Except the narcissism keeps her from caring enough about others to actually gift in a caring sense and she doesn’t have enough money to gift, despite her having so many accommodations from her parents

Omfg there was something she said whenever we had the whole sorry we care about the Gaza situation, where she arbitrarily brought up the “if you think Charlie and I don’t love or care about that little girl you don’t even fucking know me” thing. I’m like, girl you just outed yourself. You never ask about her, you caused a huge fight with Bridget’s family over baby shower shit (said things that we would never have even said to them, which was like, what gives you the fucking right) and then ghosted us since when it came to being in her life. She always over commits to defending something she’s actually guilty of feeling."

[oranges-for-calico]

okay so I kind of just did a long bullet point list in my notes app, so i'm just going to pick some of them and copy them here! spoilers for Broadchurch season one! :) also like.. source material typical content warnings apply. and these were as I was watching so I got a little heated at times sorry about that

also these might be like not entertaining at all. I really don't know

also the dog ends up being okay so don't worry

EPISODE ONE - i looove the trope of somber/creepy music over happy scene. - i like the detective lady so far she’s so passive aggressive. also she’s returning from maternal leave or something - ALEC HARDYYYY

- “cameraphone” what decade is this - 2013, presumably

- “go down to check it out get yourself some fresh air” SENDS HIM. TO THE DEATH SITE OF A CHILD - JACOB ANDERSON AKA LOUIS IS IN IT WHATTTT

- fucking asshole. of course it was fucking twitter this is why twitter sucks. not fucking cool - GO OFF ALEC. BLOODY TWITTER - he’s a little shit is fucking right. die olly - wow the news industry seems very exploitative.

- “why didn’t you look in on him last night” WOAHH THERE - “why didn’t you” - “where were you last night” OOP - YOU HESITATED

- news lady fucking die. heartless fucking asshole who would do that. i hate you. the entire news industry should go die actually how disrespectful can you get

EPISODE TWO

- cctv footage hell yeah alec - alec are u ok - character trope: you think he’s mean but he’s actually just fucking miserable 24/7 - beth is not doing okay omg - rory!!!:)

- who asks a 15 year old for a light - oh she gave the stuffy back oh aw okay she’s kinda sweet fuck. sorry i told you to die reporter lady - “so you’re snooping on me now” SMOOTH LMFAO - how tf can you not remember your mates name. his story has so many holes - i think it’s a red herring though ? dude idk how this show works - you are not slick bro - why is he making that face - HIS PRINTS ARE THERE HAHAHAHHA

EPISODE THREE

- dude i could not commit a murder for many reasons but specifically i would not be able to come up with lies like that

- “you overcompensate” “i know”

- ur alibi is rubbish - there’s bloods in the boat mark. - eeee i’m scared of fishing hooks. that one time we looked at them in girl scouts scared me - “because i’m ashamed innit”

EPISODE FOUR

- nice to see alec in a good mood

EPISODE FIVE

- they’re making tom act as danny in the reconstruction ??? brutal - i keep forgetting this shows from 2013 - okay i hate the fact that the age of consent is 16 there

- awww look at them gossiping - bro i’m sorry i just *can not sympathize with a man who married a 17 year old when he was 40* - oh—

EPISODE SIX - why the creepy music? is toms dad sus - “i’m always alright” that’s a very The Doctor thing to say

- “i didnt assault him it was a joke gone wrong” that’s not a great sentence - WHY do people get so defensive when they’re being questioned. IF IT WASNT YOU JUST PROVIDE THE EVIDENCE . YOU DONT NEED TO GET ANGRY

- oh boy tom what have you got. i mean you’re very sneaky so good job on that but girl please just tell the police what’s going on………..

- dean lives on a farm haha nerd - wow alec is not doing well

- “he used to be my friend” interesting wording tom

- girl nigel did you just steal the dog - that’s not nice - FIND HER BASTARD DOG. NAEW - NON NPLEASE DONT KILL THE DOG - NINOJIJNNO - NOPE

EPISODE SEVEN

- “you nearly died on me” “neowww” - alec you are literally out of breath pleasee go back to the hospital - i love how alec wears a button up over another button up that’s so gay

- OMGGGGGGG SUSAN KNOWS WHO IT IS!!! - tbh i bet it’s nigel, he’s mean and (probably) killed the dog

- ?? - actually do tell alec i’m really curious - oh?? were you having an affair? - OH. SHE WAS HIS WIFE

- FUCK NO NOT THE DOG NO NO - fuck no. no no no no - the dog is okay as of now

EPISODE EIGHT

- OKAY. - NOT THAT IM SURE YET BUT. TOMS DAD IS THE PERFECT KILLER. HES BEEN HERE IN THE BACKGROUND THIS ENTIRE TIMR BUT. HES NEVER BEEN A PRIME SUSPECT - SHOE SIZE MENS TEN FUCJ YEAH - “you’ve done good work on this miller, well done.” - THE SUSPENSE OMGGG - allllec.

- 59 DAYS EARLIER THIS WILL BE GOOOOD

- SHUT UUUUP HES INTERROGATING MILLER LMFAO - it was indeed joe. harsh though lol - can alec get some proper medical attention now

- and i thought they’d hug - FINISHED:)

if you found this entertaining lmk and I will post my notes from season two and three maybe :3 also I took notes while watching deadloch too

i watched Broadchurch last year and took notes like the entire time, would anyone be interested in me posting some of the funny ones?

[reidslovely]

That’s the Price (Mob! Peter Parker x Reader) (Chapter One)

Request: Yes/No

Summary: Leaving an abusive household in your early 20′s should be liberating. Instead, (Y/N) was forced into an arranged marriage with a stranger who only ever watched her from a far. Now Peter, the soft but rigid man, will do anything in his ability to make her feel safe. 

Content Warnings: Mentions of abuse (physical and emotional) on the part of readers father, talks of murder, passing mentions of outbursts of anger on the part of reader, reader has a trauma response nothing too intense but still be warned. I think that is all please let me know of anything I missed. 

Disclaimer: This is my first time since like 2017 writing any type of mob au! All my inspiration comes from the different interpretations of Mob! Peter I’ve seen on here. My skills may be a bit rusty, but the more y’all request him the more I will write of him. 

series masterlist link

playlist link

Please, please reblog! It helps writers more than you know. Enjoy!

Young girls always idolize the love story of Belle and the Beast; the idea of a strong, misunderstood man whisking the unhappy girl away from her unhappy life sounded so beautiful as a kid. All those wishes (Y/N) made as a child, to be whisked away from her miserable day to day, had crawled up and bit her in the ass.

“Mrs. Parker?” 

 Her nose twitched as she admired the flowers sitting on the vanity, ignoring the faint voice of Mr. Morales who, no doubt, had come to tell her Peter was requesting her presence at breakfast. A beautiful array of green, and baby blue hydrangeas sat in front of the open window of their bedroom, a form of apology from her new husband attached. 

‘Neshama sheli, 

Green for renewal and rebirth, blue for my apologies.

I hope to see you today, it has been a rough couple of days but we can’t ignore each other forever. We can do anything you want, my time is yours.

-Peter.”

It was his handwriting alright, capital letters where lowercase should be and slanted slightly to the right. She clenched the note in her hand, tears building in her eyes as she remembered the first letter she had received from him. Her father forced it into her hand as he explained the situation as she sat sobbing on the floor, her cheek throbbing from the punishment after she had said she wouldn’t be married off. 

“It’ll be good for both families, clear any bad blood. It is your duty to marry this man, it has been a long time in the making.” Tony explained, kneeling in front of his daughter. He grabbed her face, forcing her to look at him. “So stop your fucking crying. We have a fiance to meet. Put something on that.” His finger prodded at the red, throbbing mark under her eyes.

Silence fell over the room as she wiped her eyes at the memory, it was a terrible memory that made her feel sick. There were not many memories of her father she thought too fondly on, they all sent her into a state of sickness. The door of the bathroom pushed open, (Y/N) jumped up from the vanity as she caught the tall figure in the mirror. 

“I’m sorry..I was going to come down. I was on my way down. I- I wanted to look presentable for you.” Her apologies rolled off her tongue, as Peter's figure stalked towards her. His hands dropped into his pockets, in what he believed to be a non threatening position- but he had a lot to learn. 

“I’m not angry, dove.” He pulled his hands from his pockets, placing them on his hips. “I was worried, Miles said you didn’t answer. We didn’t want a wedding day repeat, d’ya love.”

His steps towards her continued, each more careful than the last. His hands lowered, settling her back into the chair of the vanity. (Y/N)’s glossy eyes stared at him, shocked by his kindness; her cheek nuzzled into his palm. Her breaths evened out, and her eyes flooded with displaced tears. 

“It’s alright, Dove. I’m here.”

“You scared me..” 

Peter pressed his lips together, working her through the moment. He knew what she had gone through, Aunt May had warned him of her delicate state but the vase of flowers to the wall on the wedding day sealed the door. 

Tony, (Y/N)’s father, was a deeply distrusting and unkind man. Peter had watched his future in-laws at a distance for years, even when the business between the two families was at a low. He hadn't trusted Tony since the day he laid eyes on him, he remembers the first interaction very clearly. It was at Ben’s funeral that (Y/N)’s father told Peter, to his face, that he was a kid and that he could never run this business. That after Ben had died, it should have been Tony who took over, not the unofficial son of Ben Parker. However, Peter had abilities that Tony was never capable of. Ben knew Peter, though he was just freshly eighteen, would improve the empire they had built. 

That day was also the day he had been told what he and (Y/N) would be one day. May had informed him that was the girl he was going to marry one day. 

(Y/N) was gorgeous, she was anything a man could want in a wife. He watched her interact with his men’s children; the way she happily played games with them. Peter thought of (Y/N) interacting with their future kids, he smiled at her when she caught his stare. She smiled back, sweet and shy. That’s when he noticed the other parts of her. There was a big bruise, poorly covered on her collarbone; the mark showing from the neck of her dress. He wondered how it had got there, when her fathers had squeezed down on her shoulder followed by a daring glare. That's when he realized how. Peter wanted to prove it, to run to May and tell her what he saw, ask what Ben would do. But, there was no actual proof- it was one bruise and visible anger he saw it wouldn’t prove liable. He saw her on and off after that, never alone enough to ask what her father did to her. Not at least up till the weeks before their wedding, he saw it with his own eyes. It was time to make any sort of case that he could against Tony. 

Their wedding day changed everything. (Y/N)’s only request to May was that her father was not invited- and that their flowers be red hydrangeas. Check, and check. (Y/N) had her red flowers, and her father escorted from the building. Peter had got to cradle his bride as she broke down in his arms after their vows, he felt her pain, almost as if they were connected. It didn’t last more than a few minutes, because (Y/N) hadn’t seen the innocent touch way he had, she saw herself as being restricted physically and metaphorically. Tony always told her she was something to keep the Parker’s happy, and off his back. Her coldness returned, before the vase of red hydrangeas sitting on the table went barreling past his head and to the wall. It was misdirected anger, he couldn’t blame her. She was a fragile, and shaken animal and right now she saw him as a predator.

In this moment though, the green and blue hydrangeas sat firmly in the windowsill not moving and not coming towards his head. 

“Better?” He asks his thumb stroking her cheek, his eyes roaming her face. (Y/N)’s eyes found him, she nuzzled her face into his palm as she nodded. She has taken a liking to him in the weeks after.

“Okay..come eat breakfast. You’ll feel better.” 

Peter stood, reaching his hand out to her, (Y/N) placed hers in his letting him lead her down the stairs to the kitchen. The rest of the morning went perfectly, they talked and laughed. It was the first time since they met that they felt like real people towards one another. (Y/N) even started to allow him to kiss her, briefly, before he had to disappear into his office.

His feet were propped on his desk, as he stared out the window. Lost in thought as Miles explained an ongoing business deal with the Reid’s Hauling company; but all he could think about was the woman downstairs waiting for him. 

“P- Peter..” 

Her voice carried in the small room, over Miles even. Peter snapped his head towards her in a smile. “Hi, Dove.” His feet carried him over to her quickly, his hands settling on her side as he kissed her forehead. “Did you need something?” 

“No I just..I finished my shower and wanted to see you.” (Y/N)’s hands held the opening of his suit jacket, looking up at him. “But if you’re busy I can..”

“No, no. This is your business too- everything I plan I tell you. This is a partnership, Dove.” 

(Y/N) looked at him with soft eyes, his hand on her waist leading them back to the desk. (Y/N) nestled on his lap listening to the young men talk, (Y/N) twisted Peter’s wedding ring around his finger as they plotted out a line of attack. Peter treaded carefully around his words, not wanting to trigger anything in (Y/N); but when he looked at her she was far away.

“Miles, a second.” Peter nodded towards the door, the protege left, closing the door behind him. Peter fixed her on his lap, causing her to look at him. Her eyes glistening with salty tears, guilt building up in them

“I know you hurt, and that’s okay my love. But you need to tell me when you’re not in a good mindset. I am going to say things that might..”

“I just feel so guilty Pete, for hearing this stuff. For being here..” He couldn’t finish his sentence before she had fully started to cry. His tone was maybe too rough in scolding her, all of this was still so fresh for both of them. He held her against his chest, his hands rubbing her back as she cried, his lips resting on her forehead. 

“Don’t feel guilty. What did I tell you? You’re allowed to have a voice in your life, in our life Dove.” 

“But my dad, he never let me hear this stuff. Said that I need to-”

“Be in the kitchen and make the men you’re serving happy. I know, but I don’t want that from you. He was a mean man, and those are things we don’t stand for anymore. Times have changed, this is our family, and our business okay baby.” Peter held her face in his hands. “Tony was a mean, disgusting man who did incredibly wrong things to you. And even through it all, you became better than he could ever want to be.” 

His thumbs wiped away the tears off her cheek, her forehead dropped against his. 

“You’re sweet, kind, and so understanding. You don’t understand how badly, and how long I have wanted to make him pay for what he’s done to you.” 

“Then do it..”

The words shocked both of them, Peter stared at her looking for any sign of truth in her eyes. It was all he saw, she was pleading with him. He tucked her hair behind her ear, as he reached for the phone on his desk. As he dialed the number he stared her down, waiting for any cue to stop while he was ahead of himself. He kissed the apples of her cheeks, as the other end picked up. 

“Tony, it’s Peter. Yeah, yeah..listen man, why don't you meet me for a late lunch. We have some things to work out man.”

As he spoke his hand tightened around his girl, holding her close assuring her it was all going to be okay.

-----

tags

@bxcketbarnes @sincericida @helloheyhihowdyheya​ @marrymetheonott​ @toomanyfictionalboyfriends​ @theonlymaddie​ @lateridk​ @andrews-lovr​ @adhdhufflepuff​ @thatsassyhufflepuff​ @megmehz​

[raayllum]

She comes back.

Ragged and run-down, battered yet breathing, but she comes back. There’s a fresh bruise on her cheek and a permanent scar on her upper lip that changes the way she smiles, and Callum hates it—hates the way Ezran envelopes her in a tight hug while Callum is rooted to the spot, his lungs screaming for him to— 

“Ez.” Soren nudges the young king once he and Rayla have broken apart, his little brother’s hands sturdy on her shoulders. But now her gaze has lifted, locking on Callum ten feet away again, her expression unreadable if agonized. “We should, uh...”

“Oh, right.” Ezran releases her and levies a look at both of them as he and Soren exit. “Try not to burn down the throne room,” he adds, which feels one-sided, but Callum can’t bring himself to care, to tear his eyes away from her.

Rayla, just a few feet away, safe and alive and relatively whole, standing in the centre of the home he’d hoped to give her, the home she’d run away from. She’s still wearing that blasted Moon Nexus cloak, the hem frayed, the hood pushed off, the rest framing her figure.

Two fucking goddamn years.

“Rayla.”

She takes a tiny step forward even as she swallows, demure in a way she’s never been before, and he hates that too. She’s Rayla, she shouldn’t look small and scared and worn—not of him, not because of him—

“Look,” she starts, “I—”

But he’s too angry to be generous, something savage and loose in his chest. “I thought you were dead,” he says bitingly, glaring at her. “I thought—” he trails off for a second, trying to find the right words now that he can finally speak them, now that he can finally show the wound to the person who gave it to him.

“Callum—” she tries in an uncertain but still comforting tone. He doesn’t want her comfort. He doesn’t need it.

“No,” he says, pointing at her with a shaking hand. “You—you got your chance to speak. To explain.” If the letter in the inside of his breast pocket, over his heart, can be called that. “Now it’s my turn.”

And to her credit, Rayla falls silent and stays in her spot.

“You let me think you were dead for two years,” he says. “I thought you might be dead for two years, do you have any idea what you put me through—I needed you and you left me! You fucking lied to me and now you come back just because we’re in danger, not because you actually wanted to come back to me—”

“I always wanted to,” she cuts in, her voice ragged. She sounds like she’s going to cry. “I thought—I didn’t realize—” She takes in a sharp breath, steeling herself while he glares at her, his eyes burning. “I understand if you hate me.”

That incenses him more than anything else, and Callum strides forward, roaring now. “You think I’m this upset because I hate you?” he demands, grateful when she doesn’t shrink and meets his gaze instead. “You are so—”

Fucking stupid and infuriating and—

Her hand grazes his wrist, warm and real and solid, and Callum pulls her into his arms before he can stop himself. His enfolds her easily, her chest warm against his as he feels her breathe, and the tears start and they don’t stop, pouring down his cheeks. He wants to keep on yelling, but all that comes out is miserable sobs and hitched, broken syllables. 

“I thought I lost you,” he says, eyes wielded shut to try and stem the flow. It doesn’t. He bows his head and sobs into her shoulder. “I thought I—”

Rayla’s arms encircle him like a safety net, her small, soft hand curling over the nape of his neck. Stroking and soothing. “It’s okay,” she says, even if she’s trembling under his weight and her own emotions. She holds him tighter. “It’s okay,” she promises, a few tears spilling over her own cheeks as she tries to keep it together. She gives him a squeeze. “I’m here. I’m not leaving, ever again.”

He doesn’t know how long they stand like that, only that his face is blotchy but dry when they finally separate, and he’s more tired than he’s ever been in his life, which is saying something. He doesn’t let go of her, though, keeping his arms snug around her waist and mid-torso, and Rayla doesn’t part any further, either.

It's as natural as breathing when he raises his head and rests his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. Their breaths mingle softly together.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers hoarsely, and he lets her.

Tilts his head forward and gives her the smallest kiss, their eyes still closed. “I love you,” he says, and it means I know and I’ll forgive you and I’m glad you’re here, and I love I love I love you. 

Rayla’s hands slid up to cup his jaw, gently stroking. He can hear the tearful smile in her voice, the promise of salvation and the shoreline after two years lost at sea for both of them. 

“I love you too,” she says, and he always knew that, too, as they let out a pair of shaky exhales.

They can finally breathe.

[obeymeoasis]

Demon Bros React: MC Defends Them From Nasty Remarks

Warnings: Explicit language, MC being mildly violent (throwing/kicking things).

Lucifer

Lucifer had just finished some paperwork for Diavolo and was on his way to R.A.D to deliver it.

In the hallway he could hear two demons talking and laughing. As he got closer he heard them say "Lucifer" and instinctively ducked into a nearby alcove.

"Lucifer's such an asshole." "I know, right? He acts like he's so much better than the rest of us when really, he just has a huge stick up his ass. It's no wonder he doesn't have any friends. Even his own brothers don't like him!" "He'll probably spend the rest of his life being Diavolo’s little bitch."

He would be lying if the comments didn't make him angry. But it was far from the worst thing he had heard about himself and would definitely not be the last time someone spoke ill of him.

With a weary sigh, Lucifer turned toward the south entrance where he could walk in order to avoid the demons. He could have strode past and glared at them menacingly. He could have made them grovel on their knees. But he was honestly exhausted and looked forward to this day being over as soon as possible. Plus, it would reflect poorly on Lord Diavolo if he started a fight with some lesser demons over this.

Suddenly, the chatter of the demons was interrupted by a loud thumping sound followed by the sound of one of the demons screeching in pain.

Lucifer quickly turned around to see- Oh no. You were standing in front of the demons, rage clear on your face. The demon who had yelled in pain was crouched on the ground holding his bruised shoulder. A History of the Devildom textbook was open on the ground, pages crumpled.

Did you... did you just throw a textbook at a demon?

Before he could even move, he heard your angry voice. "Listen here you fuckers. How dare you talk about Lucifer like that. He's one of the kindest, most intelligent, most thoughtful beings I've ever met. And you have no right to speak of him like that! I love him!"

Lucifer's heart burst at your declaration, his cheeks warming in pleasure. The two demons however, who had been gaping at you in shock, were now beginning to look murderous. The injured one stood up and slowly inched toward you, a vicious grin on his face. "Oh, is that so? And what the hell is a weak human like you going to do about it?"

You opened your mouth to speak but before you could say anything, Lucifer picked you up and threw you over his shoulder. "Love, I appreciate how you stood up for me. There's not many people who have done so for me before. But any more would cause trouble. And also, please don't throw textbooks at others, no matter how much you think they deserve it."

With a smug smile on his face, Lucifer began to walk toward the dorms. You, however, were struggling to turn your head around, still yelling and pointing angrily at the demons. "This isn't over! Sleep with your eyes wide open! You'll be hearing from my lawyer!"

He really did love you.

Mammon

Mammon was at the casino on a Monday night. It was lively as always, crowds of people playing group games and others drinking and mingling.

But for some reason, Mammon felt like being alone. He was in one of the more quiet corners, playing the slot machines.

He honestly should have been back at the dorms doing his homework. He was here because he felt like he had to, but his heart wasn't really in it. Mammon thought about packing it up early and texting you to see if you wanted to hang out.

The sudden sound of glass shattering broke through his thoughts. There was some sort of commotion going on and Mammon could hear angry yelling and cursing, some kind of argument.

Like many of the other customers, Mammon drifted toward the noise wanting to see what had happened. His heart sank when he saw you in the middle of the crowd, still in your R.A.D uniform, arguing with an older demon who Mammon recognized as a regular. They had played some games together before that always ended in angry accusations. The remains of a drinking glass lay shattered on the floor.

Mammon quickly rushed to your side. "MC, what the hell are you doing here?! What happened?" Up close he could see how livid you looked, you were trembling with fury.

The older demon opened his mouth while gesturing at his ruined clothes. "This bitch threw a drink at me! I should have them arrested! Do you know how much this tuxedo costs?" Ignoring him, you turned to face Mammon.

"Mams, Lucifer told me to check up on you and you weren't answering my calls. So I decided to come in person to make sure you were okay. But then I heard this asshole saying terrible things about you to his friends, calling you a liar and a cheater and all kinds of horrible names that you're not!"

Mammon was shocked to see you were struggling to fight off your tears, your lower lip quivering. "I know how caring and genuine and loving you are and I couldn't stand by while he said those things about you! None of it’s true!"

Overcome with emotion Mammon embraced you fiercely, shielding you from the other demon. "Oh, babe. Ya really are a special one.” Mammon gently stroked your hair and whispered in your ear. “I don't care about what he said, but thanks for sticking up for me. I love ya so much."

"Now let's make a run for it so that demon doesn't kill us."

Leviathan

Levi was slowly getting used to being in a relationship with you in public. At first, interactions were limited to the privacy of his room: cuddling and watching movies, gaming together, reading manga together. But now he looked forward to waiting for you after classes and walking home with you while holding hands.

His face got really red and he had a hard time making eye contact with you but still, he thought it was an improvement.

Right now he was waiting for you outside your classroom, scrolling through his D.D.D to kill time. Suddenly, he heard someone call your name.

“MC, you’re dating Levi right?” At the sound of his name he peeked in the window to see you cornered by three demons. He saw you nod. 

The demons began to barrage you with questions. “Why are you with a loser like that? Doesn’t he like never leave his room?” “He’s honestly the ugliest out of his family. I don’t believe that Levi and Asmo are related.” “You don’t actually find him attractive, do you?” “Are you with him ‘cause he’s like the easiest to control?” 

Each word felt like someone was piercing his heart. These were all things that he had thought or wondered himself, days when the darkness seemed to win over his mind. But to have them spoken out loud, especially in front of you, it was unbearable. It was as if his lowest and most shameful thoughts were being justified.

He was afraid to hear what your answers would be. Biting his lower lip, Levi turned to head home by himself but flinched at the loud sound of something slamming into the wall. He peeked inside the window again and saw you standing there, furious, your hands clenched into fists. You had apparently kicked one of the desks into the wall, black scuff marks clearly visible against the white paint.

“Alright, listen here you despicable fucks because I’m only going to say this once. My relationship with Levi is private, meaning all of your questions can be answered with ‘none of your damn business’. But since you’ve gone out of your way to waste my time, I’ll let you know this: Leviathan is more beautiful, inside and out, than any of you will ever be in your entire miserable lives. I honestly don’t think you deserve to breathe the same air as him and I hope Levi summons Lotan to devour the three of you."

Levi’s jaw was on the floor. He had never heard you speak that way. He had never had someone defend him so fiercely. His thoughts were interrupted by the classroom door suddenly slamming open as you walked out."

“Oh Levi, tell me you didn’t hear anything just now.” Your eyes were wide and you looked at him nervously.

Levi grabbed your hand and held it tight between two of his own. “I did, but it’s alright. Thanks for what you said.”

“Anything for my Lord of Shadows.”

Satan

Satan was heading to the library, your usual after-school spot. Some days you two spent hours there doing homework, reading, or just chatting quietly about your day before heading to dinner.

As he approached the table he saw you sitting down with a stranger seated opposite you. Leaning closer he was relieved to see it was a classmate you were friendly with, someone he knew you hung out with occasionally.

Satan was about to say hello when he stopped at the mention of his name. "MC, are you sure it's wise to be this involved with Satan?"

He quickly ducked behind a nearby bookshelf. Satan usually wasn't one to eavesdrop like this but the question concerned him.

"MC, I'm asking you for your sake. Satan is dangerous. He's violent and cruel. There are rumors about him beating up other demons and doing horrible things to them. What if he tries to hurt you too?"

Satan flinched. Sure his wrath had led him to do some destructive things before, but it was never without reason. Is this how you saw him as well? His thoughts began to spiral. What if you grew scared of him? Of his wrath? What if you flinched at his touch? That would hurt more than any of the rumors that swirled about him. 

Satan saw you take a deep breath before speaking. "Well, I appreciate you talking to me about this. I know you meant the best and were just thinking about me. But I promise you, you have nothing to be worried about. Satan would never hurt me."

He saw your friend shake their head, exasperated. "But you don't know that! What if one day he can't control himself and has an outburst or something?"

You replied carefully. "Satan is gentle. Incredibly so. He always treats me with nothing but respect and kindness. And Satan's not some kind of monster. He knows how to control himself and his powers. I love him. I really do. And until he decides to stop loving me, I want to be by his side."

He saw your friend huff irritably and get up to walk away. "Suit yourself, MC. Don't say I didn't warn you."

Satan took this as his cue to walk over. Your eyes brightened at the sight of him and you started to ask him about his day, acting as if nothing had happened. Satan played along for a bit, but then reached across the table for your hand and began playing with your fingers.

His hand was shaking. "I'll never stop loving you, you know. For as long as I live you're the only one for me. I love you, MC."

Asmodeus

Asmo was thrilled when you said you wanted to go dancing with him because he was usually the one pestering you to do things. He was having so much fun with you tonight, twirling you around on the dance floor and marveling how beautiful you looked under the shimmering lights of the club.

He was beginning to feel a bit hot, however, and excused himself to the bathroom, making sure you were safe on of the couches with a bottle of water in your hand.

Asmo had just finished touching up his makeup and adjusting his outfit when he heard two demons near the entrance of the bathroom gossiping loudly about him.

“Did you see what he was wearing tonight? He might as well have come naked instead of wearing those scraps of fabric he thinks counts as an outfit.” “My friend slept with Asmo once. She said he’s super easy, he’s willing to pretty much sleep with anyone.” “I bet him and that human won’t last another week. Once he’s done with them he’ll trash ‘em and move on to the next one, like he always does.”

Being the Avatar of Lust meant that Asmo had heard these kinds of comments before, whispered in the hallways at R.A.D or the dark hallways of nightclubs. It never really got easier listening to them though, and he realized he was biting down hard on his lower lip, his nails digging into his palm. 

Asmo contemplated what to do. He didn’t want to keep you waiting by yourself outside but he also didn’t want to run into the demons talking about him. Their comments affected him more than he thought they would. Maybe it was because you were involved. He wouldn’t do that to you. You knew that right? He would never treat you like a plaything.

Taking a deep breath and steeling his nerves Asmo schooled his face into an expression of careless indifference. He took a step outside, ready to greet his "fans", but was surprised to see that you had gotten there first.

And what a sight you were. Despite being much shorter than the two demons, it seemed you were the least bit intimidated. Your glare was ice cold as you gestured wildly at the two of them, and moving closer Asmo realized you were screaming.

"How fucking dare you say such vile things? You don't know the first thing about Asmo. You're really going to shame someone for what they wear?! For what they do in the privacy of their bedroom?!"

You pointed angrily at the demons, who seemed too stunned to move or say anything. "People like you make me fucking sick. You're despicable! Talking as if you're so high and mighty when all you do is judge others! How dare you? You cowards!"

Asmo could see you were getting more and more enraged and your hands were beginning to tremble. He leapt forward to stand between you and the demons and put his hands gently on your shoulders. Once he saw that you were okay, he gave you a passionate kiss, his mouth hot and needy against yours.

You kissed him back for a moment but moved away to hiss, "Karens, Asmo! Karens in the fucking Devildom, who would have thought?!"

"I know, darling. Let's head home. We can have a nice, relaxing bubble bath together."

Beelzebub

Beel was looking through the menu, deciding between a couple of his favorite dishes. It was your one year anniversary and despite his insistent protests, you had remained firm in your decision to pay for that night’s meal. Ever since you and Beel began dating, he pretty much always paid for your meals together because of how much he ate. But tonight, you wanted to be the one to treat him for once.

Beel knew you had secretly been saving up Grimm and he’d feel so guilty if you spent it all on him. Which was why he was trying to decide between a couple of different things, when normally he would have ordered everything on the page.

“Babe, please order whatever you want. I can practically see the thoughts turning in your head. I told you that I wanted to pay for tonight and I’m going to keep that promise. I want this to be a special night for us, so don’t worry about it.” Before he could protest, you called the waiter over.

Beel sighed and knew there was no changing your mind on this. You were incredibly stubborn when you wanted to be. He rattled off his usual order as the waiter frantically scribbled down notes, struggling to keep up. Once finished, Beel handed over the menus and smiled at how cute you looked, a mixture of pride and smugness on your face.

But your expression soon turned sour as you heard the conversation from a couple sitting a few tables over. Their voices were intentionally loud and they kept sneaking glances at your table as if to watch your reactions.

“Oh my lord, honey did you see how much food that guy just ordered? What an absolute pig!” “I saw, darling. I honestly pity his date right now, they must be soooo embarrassed.” “Is there anyone who wouldn’t be ashamed to be seen in public with such a selfish glutton?”

Beel’s heart felt like it had sunk. Embarrassed? Was MC embarrassed to be seen with him? Panicking, Beel thought back to all of the dates he’d had with MC so far. He realized that they ate out a good majority of the time they hung out, with Beel eating his normal enormous portions each time. Oh no, what had he done?

Head bowed, Beel slowly looked up at you, afraid to see what kind of expression you were making. But to his surprise, you didn’t look embarrassed or ashamed at all. You looked like you were going to murder someone.

He watched as you cleared your throat and then began speaking even more loudly than the couple had been. “OH BEEL, MY HANDSOME, KIND, LOVING, STRONG, SEXY, TALENTED BOYFRIEND. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! YOU’RE HONESTLY SO AMAZING AND ONE OF THE QUALITIES I LOVE ABOUT YOU MOST IS THAT YOU’RE NOT A JUDGMENTAL ASSHOLE WHO MAKES RUDE INAPPROPRIATE COMMENTS TO STRANGERS ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE NONE OF THEIR DAMN BUSINESS!” 

Beel felt his lips inch into a smile and he flushed with amusement and happiness. But you weren’t finished just yet. “EXCUSE ME WAITER?” 

Your waiter practically ran to the table and looked between you two nervously, then at the couple glaring daggers in your direction. “COULD YOU PLEASE BRING US ANOTHER MENU? MY BOYFRIEND WASN’T FINISHED WITH ORDERING WHAT HE WANTS. OH BEEL, I LOVE HOW MUCH YOU EAT. HOW COULD SOMEONE BE EMBARRASSED OF A WONDERFUL GUY LIKE YOU?”

Beel took the menu and began listing some more foods at random, not really paying attention. He was too busy thinking about how much he loved you, how nobody aside from Belphie had ever stood up for him like that, had protected him like that. His cheeks felt like they were about to split from how much he was smiling.

When the waiter finally left, looking frazzled, Beel made his way over to your side of the table. He knelt down and nuzzled into your neck before giving you a tender kiss on your forehead. “MC, you’re amazing.”

Belphegor

Belphie had to admit, the gardens were a pretty nice place for a nap. Earlier in the day you had practically dragged him outside claiming that you were bored of sleeping in his room. As if that was even possible.

At first he was pretty annoyed that you were making him get up and move around. But the newly washed picnic blanket, the cool breeze rustling through the trees, and the light smell of flowers in the air all contributed to a very nice environment for a nap.

Belphie rested his head on your lap, already feeling his eyelids growing heavier. Your fingers gently combed through his hair, lightly scratching against his scalp, and he practically purred.

He guessed he had been asleep for about ten minutes when he awoke to the sound of your voice and something prodding against his knee.

Irritated at the disturbance, Belphie looked up to see two R.A.D students he recognized for always causing trouble. He looked over to see you scowling and guessed you had been telling them to leave so they wouldn't wake him up.

One of the students leered down, blocking out the light, and used the tip of his foot to poke Belphie's knee again. "Well the two of you make an odd fucking pair, huh?” He sneered, “Personally, I don’t date people who have MURDERED me in the past but what do I know? Love works in all kinds of mysterious ways.” You flinched as if someone had slapped you and Belphie growled, his hands curling into fists.

The other student leaned down to clap Belphie on the shoulder. “I gotta admit I didn’t know you had it in you, chief! I always thought you were...” He gave Belphie a once-over before adding “Well, everyone thinks you’re a bit fucking useless, eh? But I’m glad to see you’re capable of something.”

Belphie opened his mouth to reply venomously but was interrupted by the most horrifying sound coming from your mouth. It sounded like a combination of wailing and screeching as fat tears rolled down your cheeks. It was difficult to hear what exactly you were saying because of how hard you were crying, but Belphie could make out “How could you say that?!” and “Leave him alone!” among the screams. 

The two students had their hands over their ears, their faces twisted into grimaces of pain. One shouted, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Worried, Belphie put a hand on your shoulder in an attempt to calm you down but you shrugged it off, continuing to cry and wail. Pretty soon other students began gathering around you, whispering amongst themselves and looking to see what all the noise and commotion was about. It was difficult to ignore you when you kept yelling things like “You’re horrible! Horrible! Leave us alone!” 

The two instigators looked at each other for a brief moment before deciding to run off, not wanting to get involved any further. And as soon as they left, it was like a switch had been turned off. You stopped crying and screaming immediately. If he hadn’t been there from the beginning, Belphie never would have guessed that you had been crying. Your face was perfectly calm and you sat relaxed with your hands folded, the picture of innocence.

“Belphie, don’t worry about what those two idiots said. We’ve talked about it enough and we’ve both worked it out, haven’t we? And you’re not useless. You know how much I love you and care about you. You mean so much to me.” 

Belphie leaned over to take your hand in his trembling one. He reached down to brush a stray leaf out of your hair before whispering, “MC, you’re fucking terrifying sometimes. I love you.”

[naturesapphic]

Not really a request but maybe a hurt comfort fic with mommy nat

Like little reader wasnt feeling good and wasn't responding to nat respectfully and nat thought you were just being a brat. But you started crying when nat yelled at her instead of taking care of her.

Nat realised that you weren't being a brat when you locked yourself in you guys room and feels really bad.

But it ends happy

Thanks you

But ignore this if you already have to many requests i don't want you to be stressed

Meanie

Mommy!natasha x little!reader

Warnings: age regression, cussing, mean nat, angst with happy ending

Rain was heard pouring from outside of your window, usually it would make you happy but right now you are miserable. You just finished sneezing and starting blowing your nose when you realized you were out of tissues. Whimpering, you got up with your stuffie In your hand and walked out to the living room in the compound.

You were missing your mommy but she was busy on reports. You knew from a couple of times before that you don’t bother her (unless it’s an absolute emergency) because she can get mean, Of course she would make it up to you. She even told you not to talk to her so she wouldn’t snap at you.

You saw nat on the couch with the reports in her hands working away. She saw you in the corner of her eye and she looked up and smiled at you. You were scared to bother her and you just didn’t have enough energy to smile back at her so you just walked past her and went to get more tissues.

Nat was dumbfounded, you always said hi or at least smiled so she knows you acknowledged her. You got your tissues and you tried to reach your medicine even with standing on your tippy toes but it was no use. Nat saw this and got up to help you. She got your medicine with no problem and gave you it while giving you the softest smile. You looked up at her and nodded as a way of saying thank you, but Nat didn’t see it that way. She frowned as she saw you walked away. Maybe you were just tired? Nat didn’t know but she would give you some space for the time being.

A few hours later and you were still the same. In and out and not giving Nat the time of day. She wasn’t doing her regular reports, she was writing down her mission briefing from her last mission. She was getting fed up with you not talking to her. Just as she was thinking about the situation you came out of your room to get some food but Nat was pissed. She walked up to you and you moved passed her. Not until she grabbed your arm, rather harshly if I may add. You whimpered under your breath and looked up at her with a blank expression on your face.

Nat grew tired of your silent treatment towards her. “Will you stop being a fucking brat and talk to me! My god you are so fucking annoying!” You couldn’t control it anymore, your eyes started to fill up with tears and you let out a choked sob. You ran past her and slammed your door shut and locking it. You slide down the door and starting sobbing into your stuffie.

As soon as nat saw your tears she calmed down but it was too late. You were locked up in your room broken at what she said to you. She shouldn’t have said that to you, but she was just so angry because she thought you were ignoring her even though she didn’t do anything. Her eyes filled with her own tears and she slowly walked up to your door. She knocked softly and called out your name. “Baby…? Can you unlock your door p-please…?”

You didn’t answer, you just sat in silence debating if you should let her in or not. After a few minutes of her begging and pleading, you let her in as you hung your head down as you clunch at your stuffie. Nat pulls you in for a hug and apologizes start spewing from her mouth as you just stood there. “Little one…I-I’m so sorry…I swear I won’t do it again…I’ll stop doing reports for a while but p-please I’m so sorry little dove…mommy is so sorry”. She puts her hand over her mouth as she holds in a sob. You looked up at her and wiped some of her tears that were falling onto her cheeks.

You finally looked into her eyes and saw genuinely sorry she was. You were still hurt but you didn’t like seeing your mommy cry so you wrapped your arms around her and said “tis otay mama…I forgive chu…”.

She cupped your face with shaky hands and kissed your forehead softly. You sneezed on her shoulder and said sorry under your breath. Nat looked at you worriedly and put her hand on your forehead, she gasped as she felt how hot you were. “Oh my angel! You are burning up. Are you sick? Why didn’t you tell mommy?” She spewed out and you looked down at your feet again in shame.

“Didn’t wan bother chu….”. Nat sighed and picked you up. “Oh my little baby…you could never bother mommy….well only if she’s working on her reports but she won’t do that for a long time.” You smiled and she put you down on your bed. She helped you take some medicine and she lifted up the covers as she crawled in next to you. “Go ahead and rest little dove…mommy will be right here when you wake up lovey…mommy is sorry and she will never do that again baby…I love you so much my angel.” She kisses your cheek.

“Forever and always”.

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

Not Enough

has anyone else just wanted Danny to go completely fucking feral at Dash? anyone?

yeah me too

this is some truly self-indulgent shit y'all

"Hey Fenton!"

Danny slammed his locker shut, sighing as Dash clapped him roughly on the shoulder.

"I'm throwin' a huge ass Halloween party this weekend, ghosts are all about Halloween right? You should totally come!"

It wasn't the first party Danny had been invited to since being outed as Phantom, but somehow Dash didn't seem to get the hint that he wasn't even remotely interested.

"No." Danny snapped, he threw his bag over his shoulder and turned his back on Dash, walking away without another word.

"What's your problem?"

Danny stopped, turning back around with a face of utter disdain.

"Excuse me?"

"I've been trying to be nice, but all you do is just brush me off! Like you can't even pretend to be busy or something?"

Danny stared, mouth halfway open as he tried to find the words to respond.

"Are you actually serious?" he finally choked out, almost too bewildered to be angry.

Almost.

"You're not still mad about all that stuff from before right?" Dash asked. "Like, I don't even do that shit anymore, it's over."

"Is it?" Danny's eyes flashed brightly and Dash took a half step back as the air went cold. "Because I'm pretty sure it was just yesterday that I pulled Mikey out of his locker."

"Well, yeah but that was Mikey." Dash laughed. "C'mon man, I wouldn't do that to you. We're totally cool now, so why you gotta keep blowing me off? You talk to Kwan like it's not big deal, and he used to wail on you all the time!"

Danny took a deep, slow breath, then another.

"Have you considered that maybe it's because I don't like you?" Danny said through gritted teeth.

Dash huffed, shoving his hands into his pockets and staring at the ground.

"Look, I get it, I was a jerk, but it's over! I'm actually trying to be nice, now you're the one being an asshole."

Danny looked as though he'd been slapped.

"You're such a fucking idiot Dash." Said Danny, his voice trembling with barely restrained rage. "You can't just treat someone like shit every single day for two years and then expect them to get over it because you invited them to a few parties."

"Then how come Kwan gets to hang out with you?" Dash could feel his face heating up. "You're just gonna let him off the hook? That's not fair!"

"HE APOLOGISED!"

In one thunderous moment, every locker in the hallway slammed open, sending papers and books flying across the floor. The few students still packing up their things got the fuck out of dodge, whether this was a ghost thing or a Fenton thing (was there even a difference at this point?) they wanted no part of it.

Dash couldn't move, his feet felt heavy, he wasn't entirely sure if Danny had done something to him with his ghost powers, or if he was just afraid.

Because he was certainly afraid.

Even after everyone found out, Danny still didn't use his powers at school unless it was a ghost emergency. He didn't use them for pranks, didn't use them to get even, didn't even use them to show off.

But he was sure as hell using them now, and Dash suddenly realised why he was always holding himself back.

He was terrifying.

Danny took a few steps forward, stopping barely an arm's length away from where Dash was rooted to the spot, trembling.

"Kwan apologised to me." He said, quietly this time. "He apologised to my friends, he even apologised to some other kids, and when I told him that I wasn't ready to forgive him, he accepted that and left me alone until I was ready to talk to him again."

Dash wanted to speak, but he couldn't seem to make his brain form the words he needed, it was too busy buzzing with danger run danger get out run run RUN.

"You made every single day of my life miserable for two whole fucking years, and that isn't even counting the bullshit you pulled in middle school. How do you feel right now Dash? Does it scare you to be around me? Does it scare you to be at the mercy of someone that you know damn well can hurt you?" Danny leant in, grabbing a fistful of letterman jacket. "I hope it does, because now maybe you'll have an idea what it was like for me going to school every fucking day knowing that you would be there, ready and waiting to hurt me. Every single FUCKING day."

Dash found himself being thrown backwards, his feet finally able to move again as he caught himself.

"I'm s-sor-sorry." he mumbled, his lips felt numb and tingly and his head swam with panic as he struggled to get the words out. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Are you?" Danny's voice cracked, his face wasn't twisted in rage anymore, his eyes were blue once again, and shining with tears. "Are you really sorry for hurting me? Or are you just sorry that the guy you were beating the shit out of turned out to be Phantom?"

"I didn't... I didn't know." Dash gasped out, he could barely hear his own words, all he could hear was his own heart beating loudly in his ears as he struggled to draw in breath. "I didn't know it was like that, I just thought-"

Thought what? What had he thought? That he wasn't really hurting anyone? That it wasn't that big a deal?

No, he hadn't thought that, because he hadn't thought at all.

"And you're gonna stand here and tell me I'm an asshole." Danny was almost sobbing as he raggedly spat out each word. "Because I won't forgive you for something you never even apologised for. This is the first time you even acknowledged that you were an absolute jerk to me, and you followed it up by demanding that I just get over it."

Dash stared down at the floor, it sounded terrible when Danny put it like that.

"I wasn't... demanding anything." he said, he was embarrassed by how whiny he sounded. "I was just trying to make it up to you, I was trying, I just thought... it's not fair that I can't have second chance. I was trying so hard and all I wanted was a second chance-"

"I DON'T CARE." Danny's eyes were screwed up tight, but it didn't stop the tears of fury from pouring down his cheeks, his voice so shredded with pain it was barely recognisable. "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU. I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT. I DON'T OWE YOU A SECOND CHANCE. I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING. YOU FUCKED ME UP AND YOU. CAN'T. FIX IT."

Dash didn't know what to do. Danny was openly sobbing, his breaths came out in grunts as he couldn't hold the rage and misery back.

He was still standing within arm's reach, Dash cautiously put out a hand, to comfort him? He wasn't sure, but he barely brushed Danny's shoulder before Dash found himself spinning violently and his cheekbone exploded with sudden pain as he hit the floor. Cold hands drew away from him roughly.

"DON'T TOUCH ME." Danny screamed. "DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN."

Dash watched as Danny grabbed his backpack and his footsteps disappeared down the hall.

It was over, just like that it was over.

Dash sat up and touched his face, he wasn't bleeding but he knew it would bruise pretty bad. It hurt, he would be squinting through one eye for a few days.

Danny could have done this to him at any time, he could have done it to him every day if he wanted, and maybe he would, now that he'd done it once.

The thought made Dash feel cold as dread pooled in his stomach.

The next day Dash told people he'd gotten his black eye from playing football, his team knew it wasn't true, but they didn't ask. He kept his eye out for Danny, wondering if he would pop up invisibly and knock him off his feet, or drag him through the floor, or hit him when nobody was looking.

He clung to Kwan's side all day, afraid to be alone.

Phantom could be anywhere, he could get him anywhere, if he wanted to hurt Dash nobody would be able to stop him.

Nobody had been able to stop Dash, and he didn't even have superpowers.

But in the end, nothing happened.

Dash went through the day untouched. Danny didn't even look his way. Not once. He just acted like yesterday never happened.

But it did happen, Dash still had the bruise on his cheek, and the terror set deep in his bones.

In the following days, weeks, months, Danny still never touched him, never looked at him, never talked to him. Dash realised that Danny probably wasn't going to do anything else after all, that maybe he hadn't even meant to hurt him in the first place.

He was a hero after all, he protected people, even people he didn't like. The only time he had ever come into contact with Dash again was to haul him out of the way of a ghost, and he did so with the same care as he would with anyone else.

Danny wasn't like him, he didn't gloat about hurting him, he didn't revel in the fact that Dash was scared of him. He just went about his day, acting for all the world like Dash didn't even exist.

Dash never gave him a true apology, it was clear Danny didn't want one, it was far too late for that.

It left Dash with a sick feeling of unfulfillment. He understood now what Danny had been going through, the pain, the terror, he wanted Danny to know that he was truly sorry, that he really had changed this time.

But he couldn't, because forcing an unwanted apology on him would just make Dash the asshole all over again, he was trying to steal a forgiveness that he could never have.

So he had to find his closure somewhere else.

He stopped picking on Mikey, and Nathan, and all of the other nerds he frequently hassled. He even tried apologising to them, some forgave him, others didn't, and he had to be okay with that. He struggled not to lash out, it still felt unfair, the world had always told him that you were supposed to forgive people when they apologised. It always happened that way on tv, in the cartoons he grew up watching. The mean kid would apologise, the other kids would forgive him, and they would all become friends.

He was realising that the real world was a whole lot more complicated than that, he didn't earn forgiveness just because apologising was hard, he was learning fast that he didn't earn any brownie points for taking responsibility for his actions. He was just doing what any decent person should.

It took him a while to come to terms with that, to stop being angry at people for not letting him make it up to them. For not letting him prove that he had changed.

All it took was to occasionally pass by Danny in the hallways for him to cool his jets and think more clearly. To remind him that he was the bad guy, he was the one who hurt people, that his victims did not owe him anything.

In his last year of school, he had found himself watching the juniors below him falling into the same behaviours, the same struggle for power and control. Pushing other kids around without so much as sparing a thought to how it made them feel.

After a lengthy chat with Mr Lancer, Dash was given permission to pull out younger students from detention one day a week. He would talk to them, ask about their lives, ask about their feelings. He would ask why they lashed out, why they thought it was okay to treat people that way. Most of them didn't have an answer, or simply refused to give one, but he would push, he wouldn't let them hide in ignorance like he did.

Some of them did feel guilt for the way they treated people, and they only needed someone they could talk to who could understand what they were going through, so they wouldn't take it out on whoever was around at the time.

Others would take more effort, they need a far stronger push in the right direction, they were defensive and combative, selfish and unapologetic.

Dash had been one of those kids, he knew they would be hard work, but he did his best. He couldn't help all of them, some were simply unwilling to change.

So he contacted the school-board, he pushed for better protection for students, more programs to help troubled kids, he volunteered to keep running his own counselling groups even after he graduated.

It still never felt like enough.

After graduation he turned down his favoured college to attend one closer to home so he could continue his volunteer work. He joined petitions and rallies for change across entire school districts, he spoke at other schools' anti-bullying campaigns. He'd attended enough of them in his own childhood that he knew they did next to nothing, but it gave him the opportunity to reach out to kids for one on one support.

He found more volunteers for his counselling groups, he helped people start them up in other local schools. It was a lot of work, especially when he was also juggling his college studies. He was taking a major in psychology, it was brutal, Dash had never been good at studying, but he'd decided that this was what he needed to do, this was important to him.

It still wasn't enough.

It would come at him in the night, as soon as he laid his head down on his pillow. He would see the faces of all the kids he hurt, it felt so much worse the older he got, they just looked younger and younger every time the memories came back to plague him.

He had beat the shit out of children. Kids who were the same age as the students he now counselled. He beat them until they were bloody or bruised, he shoved them into lockers, pulled pranks that humiliated them in front of the whole school, and he had laughed.

He'd laughed at their pain.

When the guilt weighed him down, he would begin searching for new programs to volunteer for, new petitions or rallies to get behind, always finding another way to help protect kids like Danny from kids like him.

And to protect kids like him from doing things that would one day haunt them.

He had spread himself thin across every school in the district, barely keeping afloat at college, but it wasn't enough.

It was never enough.

Kids still slipped through the cracks, schools were still too lenient, there were too many kids, not enough volunteers.

Casper High was holding another anti-bullying assembly. It had been a few years since Dash had attended one at his old school. This year they had excitedly announced that they'd even secured an appearance from Phantom himself.

Dash's blood ran cold, his hands shook as he went over his notes, he was slated to do his speech alongside Phantom's, they would be sharing the stage for a solid 75 minutes, barely a few feet from one another.

When Danny showed up he was already in Phantom form, Dash spotted him discussing emergency exit plans with one of the organisers in the event of a ghost attack.

He was so different from when they were in school.

He was tall, and broad, he stood with confidence and had a good natured charm to him. He was a hero, he was strong, he was brave. He could fight monsters ten times his size with a smirk and a witty one liner. He could take on anything, he wasn't afraid of anything.

He was a kid, running down a hallway, screaming words that still pierced through Dash's mind every time he saw the hero's face.

"DON'T TOUCH ME."

Dash's hands clenched around his notes, shaking so violently that they barely even looked like words.

"DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN."

"Dash?"

A deep voice cut through the chaos in Dash's mind as cold hands closed over his tremblings ones.

"It's good to see you again."

Phantom was smiling at him, his hands still closed around Dash's.

"Good... good to see you too." Dash mumbled, not able to meet the man's eyes.

Phantom paused before releasing Dash's hands.

"I've heard all about your work." Phantom grinned as Dash finally looked up and met his eyes.

"Yeah." he said, and then before his mind could catch up with his mouth, he blurted out, "I'm sorry, for everything."

Phantom's eyebrows rose for a moment, before he gave a gentle smile and clapped a hand on Dash's shoulder.

"I know." he said warmly. "Thank you."

They gave their speeches, Dash had told his story many times before, the victim that he'd pushed to breaking point, the boy whose words drove the change that made him the man he had become.

For the first time ever, that boy was listening.

After the assembly had packed up and the volunteers were heading home, it was Danny Fenton who approached Dash and asked if he wanted to go grab a beer together.

Dash thought it would be rather awkward, but Danny had plenty of experience socialising with the public, awkwardness slid right off him, and soon enough Dash found himself laughing alongside Danny as he told a story about the new misadventures of the Box Ghost.

He returned to his dorm that night, head still swimming from one too many beers, and he had the best sleep of his life.

He pulled back on some of his volunteer work, hunting for new people to take his place as he focused on college. He was falling far behind, but he would work hard to make his way back. As a volunteer he could only do so much, but with the right education and training, he could do so much more.

The guilt still haunted him, every so often when the pressure and the stress weighed heavy, it would creep back into his mind. It would probably never go away, not entirely, but at least now he had his closure.

Finally, it was enough.

[separatist-apologist]

Could you do one where Lucien finds out about what happened on solstice but he and Elian isn’t speaking to him yet? I’m curious to see your take!

Look. I absolutely CANNOT help myself. If I had written that scene (and I am free, SJM), it would have gone down a little like this.

--

--

She doesn’t want him.

Azriel’s words rang through Lucien’s head, over and over on a constant loop, one he didn’t think he’d ever get out. He hadn’t wantedto overhear that whole conversation and, in doing so, was reminded why he never came to this fucking city to start with. He scrubbed a hand down his face, slung his bag over his shoulder, and slipped from his room. Feyre would be disappointed he left without saying goodbye but no one else would miss him. He could always make his excuses in a letter when he was far from Velaris.

I’d defeat him easily.

Lucien flinched beneath the weight of such casual violence. Azriel would love Autumn Court, if that was his first thought when it came to a blood duel. Lucien had no intention of calling one, not for Elain. He barely knew her and yet Lucien didn’t think she’d find the whole, bloody mess endearing.

He certainly had no intention of dying over a female that seemed to loathe his existence. He closed his eyes for a moment, willing Azriel’s voice to remove itself.

He doesn’t deserve her.

What would Lucien know about that, he thought miserably, his feet touching the first-floor landing. It wasn’t like he’d asked for her. If he’d it his way, the cauldron would given Elain to Azriel and the spymaster could spend eternity bound to a female that wanted nothing to do with their kind. He might have found it funny, the notion that Azriel thought she’d fall into his arms when Elain had made it abundantly clear she hated the mating bond.

Maybe he’d have a shot, then. Lucien stepped past the drawing room they’d exchanged gifts in when he caught a flash of that honey-colored hair all the Archeron’s shared. Feyre was up. Well fuck. He’d never be forgiven if he snuck right past her. He sighed and turned.

“Knock, knock,” he said before looking in. “Feyre, I thought I’d…” His words died in his throat when Elain looked back, her hands wrapped around her throat. “Never mind.” He wasn’t touching the red eyes and blotchy skin of the softly crying Elain with a ten-foot pole. He turned on his heel when something physically stopped him.

The fucking mating bond snarled in his chest, a physical beast that demanded he care for his mate. Fuck me, he thought furiously, keeping himself exactly where he was. He turned again, wary of the female that had caused so much drama. He wondered if she knew. Elain’s hands were still wrapped around her neck as a set of fresh tears slid down her cheeks.

“Are you alright?” He asked, every inch of him rebelling at the thought of comforting her through the rejection of another male.

Elain’s whole body seemed to tremble while Lucien warred with the bond, demanding it let him leave.

She doesn’t want him.

Lucien sighed and offered her a mocking bow while even the mating bond conceded. He turned for the third time, reshouldering his bag, and stepped out of the drawing room. Ten steps and he’d be at the door.

“Wait!” She called. Lucien’s whole body went taut as he closed his eyes and tilted his head towards the sky.

Have I displeased you? He silently asked the mother, walking back to the drawing room. He knew she could tell he did not want to be there, that he’d been trying to make his escape judging by the expression on her face. Was she planning to torture him a little, on her way out?

“Can you help me?” She asked, removing her hands from her throat. A red rosebud hung from her pale throat on a silver chain, and it was clear she’d been trying to remove it when he walked in on her.

Lucien dropped his bag to the floor and walked to her, her scent a punch to the gut. Honey and jasmine and something warm, like a breeze over a sunlit sky. All of that was mingled with fear and the better part of him wanted to tell her no and demand she tell him why she was so scared. He didn’t. What good was upsetting an already crying female?

She swept thick, honey-colored curls over one shoulder and it was Lucien’s turn to tremble, his stomach bottoming out. Had he ever touched her? He couldn’t remember a time. He reached for the tiny clasp, his fingers brushing over the nape of her neck. He swallowed hard as the chain was freed, sliding away into her waiting hands.

“Thank you,” she murmured as Lucien immediately put distance between them. His entire body was too aware of her and though he was angry, he didn’t know that he could stop himself from touching her again if he remained close. He wanted to guard her, to put his body in front of hers and snap and snarl until every male in Prythian was aware that she was his mate.

He reached for his bag. “Are you leaving?” She asked again and it occurred to Lucien she had asked him two questions and he had said nothing in response. He flexed his jaw, his back turned to her, and slid the strap of the bag back over his shoulder.

“I am,” he replied carefully. Elain wiped her cheeks with the palm of her hand and Lucien thought she was still so heartbreakingly beautiful, despite her hurt. Elain nodded, looking down at her feet and he wondered if he ought to just say goodbye.

“Will you be back?” She asked, her words nearly a whisper.

“Would you like me to return?” He asked, emphasizing her part heavily. Their eyes met again and Elain hesitated.

No.

He turned then, his anger cascading over him, intending to leave her in the drawing room. She didn’t owe him anything but neither did he. At least he was trying. If she didn’t want him around, he didn’t need to come any more than was necessary and he certainly didn’t need to see her.

“Lucien!” Elain breathed from behind him. He stopped again, cursing himself and the tether that bound them. “Lucien I didn’t…I uh…”

“I get it,” he said, his words clipped, turning to face her again. He shoved down his instincts demanding he treat her with care. Maybe someone should tell her to get fucked, even once instead of the constant handholding she was subjected to. “I’m the wrong male. That’s fine, Elain. I don’t want to be in your way.”

His hand reached for the doorknob when she surged forward, her brown eyes still sparkling with tears. “What does that mean?” She demanded.

He laughed dryly. “I guess you didn’t hear the little reprimand the High Lord gave Azriel regarding you?”

Her face paled.

“Don’t let me get in the way of true love,” he commented sarcastically. “I wish you and the bat nothing but the best.”

Her eyes narrowed. “I’m not in love with him,” she half-whispers.

“You understand that’s worse, right?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest. She looked him up and down.

“I don’t belong to you,” she began but Lucien rolled his eyes.

“When did I ever say you did?” He asked, raising his eyebrows. “You’ve made a lot of assumptions about someone you don’t even know.”

“Would you even be here if it weren’t for this?” Elain asked in return, one finger gesturing between their bodies.

“Would Feyre?” He snapped back. Elain hesitated and Lucien could see she hadn’t considered that. Something sparked in her gaze and Lucien waited to see if she was going to soften.

“I don’t owe you anything.”

“Great,” Lucien replied, yanking on the door handle. “I don’t owe you shit, either.”

He stepped into the cold, strangely pleased when she followed him out.

“What does that mean?” She asked, the door snapping behind her. She immediately wrapped her arms around her body and, cursing himself, Lucien began unbuttoning his jacket.

“Why do you think I ought to stand here trying when you don’t believe you owe me anything?” He demanded even as he handed her the emerald-colored jacket. She snatched it out of his hands and threw it to the ground like a petulant child.

“You wanted this—”

“The hell I did!” He interrupted. “Do you imagine I am having a good time, watching you desperately try to avoid me? Because let me assure you, this is not my idea of fun.”

“Then why do you keep coming around?!”

“Because you haven’t rejected the bond!” He replied, letting some of his desperation leech into his words. “And until you do, I’ll keep coming to Solstice and waiting, my entire life hinging on a choice you seem duty bound to ignore. Have you ever considered, for even a moment of your now immortal life, that you do owe me something?”

“I don’t owe you shit,” she whispered in response, all rebellion. Lucien couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of his throat, causing her to jump. Of all the things he might have imagined, her repeating his own words back to him was not one of them. He shook his head, meaning to turn and winnow away but Elain was watching him and he thought her lips curved upwards just enough to seem as though she were suppressing a smile.

Lucien offered her the same mocking bow he’d once given her sister, bending deeply at the waist, arms thrown out, so she knew it was not courtly in the slightest.

“Enjoy your night, Elain.”

“Lucien!” She snapped, very clearly exasperated. He shivered and it had nothing to do with the cold, which he barely felt. He took a step between them, hooking the lip of his jacket on his boot and tossing it into the air where he caught it and draped it over his arm.

“What?”

Her eyes glanced back at his jacket, arms tightening around her body and for the second time that night, Lucien handed her the jacket. She didn’t budge and he sighed.

“Take the damn jacket, Elain.” “You’re rude,” she accused, snatching it out of his grip. And though Lucien was irritated with her, some of his anger washed away at the sight of her buttoning herself into his jacket.

“Yeah? Well you’re spoiled.”

Real mature.

She paused and then she smiled, as if he’d told her she was beautiful. “No one has ever said that to me before.”

“You’ll forgive me if I’m all out of sonnets.”

She laughed that time. “You’re so mean.”

Lucien hesitated. Did she like it? He took a step towards her and Elain, to her credit, held her ground. All traces of tears were gone, replaced by the open rebellion staring him in the face.

“You like it,” he accused. Elain didn’t deny it. Instead she took the tiniest step towards him, so close Lucien could touch her face. He reached between them, taking a fat curl between his fingers, knuckles brushing over her cheek.

“I’m not a doll,” she murmured, eyes wide as she held her ground. “I can handle it.”

Of that, Lucien didn’t doubt. He knew she felt his agreement, shimmering down their shared connection.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you wanted me to stick around.” “Good thing you know better,” she shot back, all teasing. Lucien, unable to resist testing his luck, dropped his hand and made to turn.

She grabbed his hand and his blood sang at the contact, the instinct to grab her and take her away from this place nearly overwhelming.

“Stay,” she breathed. “Get some sleep…you look terrible.”

He smiled, looking down at her hand clasping his own. “At least we share that commonality.”

Her mouth dropped open, eyes sparkling. “How very cruel of you. Will I see you in the morning?”

“If you’re lucky,” he replied, smirking. All his confidence died the moment she brought his hand to her mouth, pressing a kiss to his palm.

“If you’re lucky, you mean,” she replied, letting go. Elain turned, flouncing back into the house without so much as a glance backwards while Lucien stood beneath the fae lights flickering on Feyre’s porch, hand burning. He tried to figure out what had happened and how they’d gone from crying and yelling to…insults and a kiss.

Still, he did as she asked and came back into the house and walked back to his room…where Feyre waited, a smile playing on her lips.

“Good night?” She asked him, making it plain she’d heard at least part of what went down between him and Elain.

“Shut up,” he replied.