#I’m also into viktor. and vi. so if anyone out there looks like any one of the three… hit me up | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

poisonappletales · 6 years ago

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What are your favorite traits in each of your characters?~

Hello, fearofprayer! Ooh, let’s see…this should be fun. Of course, I’m going to keep my answers spoiler-free. But whenever Beauty and the War (X Playing Pieces) is released, please feel free to ask again if you’d like to know about those.

Now then, this will include my thoughts on all my characters - the cast of Don’t Take This Risk being among them. I’m going to give you the short summarized answer first, followed by a wordier explanation telling you what I think in detail.Shall we begin?

Arsenik of the Hulder

Favorite Traits: Intelligence, style of speech, his hobby of writing

One of my favorite traits is that he speaks in that intellectual, old-fashioned style. It lets me use that older style of writing that you see in classical literature, whether it’s Jane Austen or Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Plus, he has a hobby of writing, so it gives me a chance to write things like poems.

You might say I like the opportunities he gives me for writing myself! On a related note, he enjoys reading just as I do, but I wouldn’t call that a trait I prefer/like in a character. It honestly doesn’t matter to me if a character has similar hobbies to me or not.

Why am I mentioning this? I just thought it’d be something you’d like to know, particularly since it’s common for “writers” and “reading” to go together. If he were to discuss books with someone, that would be easy to write since I enjoy doing so as well! However, his opinions are not necessarily the same as mine.

Anyway, what I like most about him is his style of talking, his intelligence and his writing inclinations.

For those who aren’t a fan of him, a common reason would be that they find his sort of character to be “boring.” I just want to note that I’m not offended by any of those kinds of opinions. Like and dislike whichever character you want! It’s your prerogative. I’m glad if my cast feels like actual people you can form opinions about when you meet them.

But yeah, I do know a lot of people who find things like the classic books boring, so if you personally aren’t fond of his speech, that’s totally understandable. Or just, you know, the do-gooder character you see in shows. Though, something you may not realize is that he sounds a little more stilted/formal when he’s around his beloved…

(Again, that’s not a trait of his that I would call a “favorite” of mine. It’s just there and a part of his character that feels fitting for him. His shyness/awkwardness is just something I thought I’d bring to your attention in case you missed it in the demo!)

Oh, and a bonus trait I like about him (or the Hulder in general) relates to what’s been said about his clan: “They’re only gentlemen during the day.”

Chase of the Trold

Favorite Traits: How he rounds out the cast and what he represents

Ah, Chase. Two things I like about him: 1) He rounds out the cast well. 2) His relationship with Ambrosia (should you choose to put these two together) has a nice meaning behind it.

What do I mean by “nice meaning”? Well, does anyone remember this Chase/Ambrosia piece I wrote a while back? Chase is not considered conventionally attractive, but Ambrosia doesn’t subscribe to the masses, to say the least. She’s not superficial and considers beauty to be in the eye of the beholder.

He’s a character that represents those principles.

Going back to my first point, it’s not too difficult to see how he rounds out the cast. He’s the most “average guy” of the group. I have heard a lot of players like him for that reason (heart of gold and a nice guy who’s easy to get along with). He also has a few people who dislike him for…a certain “temper” scene in the demo. Those of you who came across it probably know what I’m talking about here!

He has his strengths and weaknesses. I know I definitely wanted to make him as much a “real boy” as possible, so to speak. Hate him or love him, it’s your call!

Wind of the Imugi

Favorite Traits: Cool, tough barbarian fighter

Your resident tsundere (the hot-cold jerky type), even if he isn’t your textbook classic example. I don’t like to do stereotypes straight-out, so you can’t expect my characters to follow any of those archetypes to a T.

I’m not generally a fan of tsunderes. I don’t mind them in shows, and I think that the cast needs their spice at times. They can create fun situations. It’s just not going to be a favorite of mine (not typically at least - there are always exceptions).

So, what do I like about Wind? He’s cool and tough and isn’t scared of slicing through flesh with those claws of his. I feel like I just picked him to play in a video game selection screen. You could say that’s what I like about him. I would enjoy playing him in a video game for a time.

“What kind of description is that?”

Oh, and if a fan dislikes him, it’s usually because he can be a jerk. That’s it.

Night of the Vi

Favorite Traits: Attitude and armor

Not that much is known about this guy yet, huh?

I’ll just tell you that my favorite traits about him is his cool attitude and that wicked black armor. I called Wind cool as well, but Night’s in a different way. He’s more relaxed and adventurous. As for that armor - well, it’s pretty self-explanatory. (Imagine the cosplaying opportunities there.)

If players don’t like him, it’s often because they’re not into his free lifestyle. He’s not looking for something serious straight off the bat and wants to come into a relationship naturally - whenever he feels it. In the meantime, he doesn’t see anything wrong with living it up, inside and outside the bedroom.

Describing it that way, I feel like you can almost see him as something of a James Bond character now…

Onyx of the Vi

Favorite Traits: Talented killing machine

All right, sure. Let’s put these Vi’s in a row, and give Onyx a nice animated gif that I have to polish up some more one day.

There’s actually a whole lot I like about Onyx. While you wouldn’t want to run into him in real life, there’s something awesome about him being a killing machine on the battlefield, wouldn’t you say? A stone-cold killer, daunted by nothing. His skill with a blade is a sight to behold.

A perfect dark warrior.

I’m actually looking forward to drawing and animating more of him fighting, with his blade drawn. Though, in that case…expect blood.

Prince Alexandrite of the Vi

We don’t talk about the prince.

King Barium of the Vi

Favorite Traits: A natural-born leader + cool and collected + some king realism

His easygoing nature, combined with his natural authority, makes him a likable and charismatic king. Those are my favorite traits about him. If he only had one or the other, I may not have necessarily called that my favorite (more so for the trait of being “cool and collected,” which I may or may not find likable on its own).

Plus…his armor’s pretty neat, isn’t it?

He owns a harem, and while that alone does not automatically make me favor a character, I do like how it’s a realistic aspect for a king of certain eras.

Viktor of the Hulder

Favorite Traits: Exciting party-maker with…comedic tendencies

And we’re back to the Hulder! The reign of the Vi is over - I joke, of course.

You know, it’s really funny, but I hear a lot of players say they like this guy for - shall we say - the wrong reasons. That is, for Arsenik reasons. What do I mean? Case in point:

1) They like his shyness. This young man isn’t shy. I remember talking about it way back here, but yes, Viktor is a far cry from that description. He’s confident, talkative and gregarious. Sure, he blushes and stammers when Ambrosia touches him in the demo, but he’s still rather loud, wouldn’t you say? He makes his emotions very clear! He shows what he’s feeling and thinking a lot.

2) They like that he’s quieter/withdrawn/someone they can take the lead with. This is similar to the other point. This man is loud, sociable and can even be a little charming in how he flirts with Ambrosia in the demo, wouldn’t you say?

If you’re looking for someone sweeter, shyer and reserved, that’s all Arsenik. You want someone with confidence, liveliness and fun? Here’s Viktor!

That said, what do I like about Viktor? Well, he has a true knack for making a situation humorous. Look at any of his conversations, and I bet you’ll see what I mean. Plus, he has that old-fashioned way of speaking that’s always fun to write out. Just keep in mind that Viktor might be raised to speak like a Hulder, but he isn’t someone who would be considered intellectual.

I almost feel like Viktor has more fans than Arsenik does, given what people tell me! Just a reminder - Viktor isn’t an official love interest in Beauty and the War (X Playing Pieces). There is a secret bachelor, but that may or may not be Viktor. However, if you so wish, I do encourage you to pursue him in-game to find out.

Bo-Peep of the Cucuy

Favorite Traits: Bubbly cuteness

Not long after talking about the king, it only makes sense to discuss one of his mistresses!

She’s peppy, bubbly and cute! She may not be the brightest around the block, but that adds to her charm. Some players assume she’s innocent possibly because her voice is, well, childish (and her mannerisms can be as well). But oh no, make no mistake.

This is the king’s woman - a sexy gal with legs for days. That kind of person. She knows more than a few tricks in the bedroom to keep a man satisfied. She’s well-versed in fashion, flirting and make-up (hopefully - she does have the tendency to wear too much herself).

Despite her capacity for sexiness, she altogether feels, as I said, cute, which is what I like about her.

She is due for a bit of a re-design in the future. Just some tweaks to bring out what I had in mind.

Jasmine of the Phoenix

Favorite Traits: Prim girl trying hard to seem older than she really is

I do like Jasmine. She might be the eldest of the Phoenix cousin trio, but she acts more like the middle child.

She seems prim and proper, but she has immature tendencies. (She’s the one who goes “Moooom, she’s picking on me again” or “Stop messing with my things or I’m going to kill you, you little brat!” Just replace “Mom” with “Ambrosia.”)

She can be almost something of a “normal teenage girl,” but I like the contrast between her “prim” side and her “teenage girl” side. She’s also due a re-design again, but she’ll still be pretty.

Ah, and another thing I like about her: that competitive streak of hers. It makes for more amusing scenarios, as you might have seen during the last exciting Valentine skit.

When it comes to “teenage girl” types of characters, they’re usually hit-or-miss with me. But I happened to make her a kind I could like.

(You might think I made an entire cast of people I enjoy…but I actually do have characters I wouldn’t like if I wasn’t the one who made it. And it may not be the people you think it is - aside from maybe one of them, which you’ll see later down the list. As a writer, I want a fleshed out cast and story!)

Rosemary of the Phoenix

Favorite Traits: Fun, lively, endearing

If Jasmine is like the middle child, then Rosemary is equivalent to the youngest. She’s loud, fussy and often bursting with opinions, which makes her fun. I like how she livens things up!

I also enjoy her role in the story, as she plays her part well. What that role is in full detail remains to be seen…

Since she’s sensitive about her weight and enjoys eating, I’ve had a few players assume that I’m trying to make her a walking “fat joke,” but that really couldn’t be further from the truth! What I’ve made here is a character.

I’ve got to tell you, I’ve known people with these insecurities. I’ve even had players tell me that they relate to what she’s doing (i.e. airing out complaints, cheating on their diet, etc.). And I think those are all beautiful people.

You are not meant to ridicule Rosemary. That would be Wildfire’s job. She has strengths and flaws like all the rest.

She’s another one of those “average teenage girl” kind of personalities, but as with Jasmine, I like her. She has endearing qualities, and it’s not hard for her to grow on you! At least, in my personal opinion.

Wildfire of the Valkyrie

Favorite Traits: She does her role well

Speaking of Wildfire…

Say “hello” to my least favorite character. Frankly, I wouldn’t even put her on my list of favorites, and usually, I’m naturally fond on my own creation.

I don’t know if this comes as a surprise since I made a whole game featuring her as one of the protagonists (War: 13th Day), but I did say I can write about characters I don’t even like myself. It just depends on the story I want to tell.

I think almost all of us know people who have made your life way harder than it has to be. If not yours, then someone else’s - someone you cared about. You could call them enemies, rivals, bullies, or even monsters depending on the severity.

Wildfire isn’t based off anyone in real life, but she has elements from all those types of terrible people. In the end, she reminds me of them too much to like her. If you do like her yourself, that’s perfectly fine, of course. You can feel whatever you want about my character. She does have a backstory and a personality because I want her to be three-dimensional. In fact, I was a little surprised by how many people do like her from what I’ve heard.

Now, to be fair, I do enjoy a good villain in a series. But she didn’t hit any of the right buttons for me and that’s entirely on purpose. She has a role to play, and it fits her. She’s the mean girl with the tough girl attitude.

If I had to pick something I like about her that’s more defined than “she does her role well”…can I get back to you on that?

Brooks of the Valkyrie

Favorite Traits: Entertaining, dreadlocks

Okay, this is easier. Brooks is just plain fun. Her banter with others is a pleasure to write out. Her dreadlocks are pretty cool, too.

Did you think I was going to mention “armor” again?Hmm…I wonder if I can cite “banter with her best friend” as a favorite trait of Wildfire’s…

Ambrosia of the Phoenix

Favorite Traits: Gentle, pure, strong of heart

The innocent sweetheart and exotic Snow White beauty of the island. Here’s the heroine of the series, Ambrosia of the Phoenix!

You might have heard me mention this before but one of my favorite archetypes? The yamato nadeshiko (the proper lady). She’s delicate and feminine. A big-sister type and wife material.

She may not be strong physically, but don’t underestimate her steel will! She’s my number one favorite female character.

While she’s not a fighter, you could say she’s strong in the way that a mother or, as I mentioned before, an older sister is. Who takes care of the chores? She does. Who tries to remind the immature ones (i.e. her cousins) about what to do and looks out for them? She does. If you’ve done something wrong, she will straighten you out but with kindness. If someone’s bothering you, she will step in and be there for you.

Now, when it comes to herself? That might be a different story, but that’s her weakness.

She’s also pretty sexy during the Present Day. Not that she can’t be in the First Act.

If a player doesn’t like Ambrosia (the First Act version, I imagine), they usually tell me it’s because they think she’s too “naïve” or “weak.”

Yes, she is naïve - at least, in the first act of Beauty and the War (X Playing Pieces). She’s young, so it isn’t too surprising. Again, that’s your call to make, but personally, I like that sort of character.

As for weak? I said before that she’s not strong physically. Perhaps, being naïve can be a form of weakness or just how much her young heart can love. And she does have her shyness. But I like shy girls too, so I apologize if that isn’t your cup of tea since you’ll be seeing her a lot!

And since we’re talking about her…

Ambrosia F. (Don’t Take This Risk ver.)

Favorite Traits: Same as above? With some differences.

Let’s talk about her Don’t Take This Risk version. She’s pretty much the same person, but there are differences. For one thing, her speech has less old-fashioned wording (something I enjoy doing for her Virgo Island self).

If you haven’t read the webtoon yet, there are spoilers ahead. (So, I do recommend you stop here and check it out if you haven’t yet!)

This Ambrosia is a bully victim, suffering from low self-esteem and cutting issues. Much like her other self, she’s strong of heart and will. She gets part-time jobs after school. She takes care of Grandmother when her cousins are too scared to do so (or too busy with homework/something fun). This is someone strong and independent, even if it doesn’t come with the usual tough, no-nonsense attitude you see with these kinds of women. (But let it not be said that I don’t like those types as well. I can indeed like those, too.)

When Dev offers to help her out financially, Ambrosia refuses because she wants to take care of things herself. She speaks gently but surely - like a mother/big sister again.

As young as she is, she’s sadly optimistic and naïve…but will her encounter with Unknown change her?

Evie O.

Favorite Traits: Naughtiness, lively

You might recognize white-haired Evie O. from Death Room and the Don’t Take This Risk webtoon!

According to what fans tell me, she’s my most hated character.

For me, I actually don’t dislike her. If I knew her in real life and she did the same shenanigans, I wouldn’t be fond of her, no. But as a fictional character? You remember what I said about liking a good villain, right? She’s one of them.

She’s not a villain of the “Let’s destroy the world!” variety, but she has just enough naughtiness to make the story juicy. In Episode 20, you see a little bit from her perspective at the end. Did anyone catch her hint of insecurity?

She does have more depth than you might think. Of course, once they’ve been explored, you may not like her any more than you already do!

Unknown of Don’t Take This Risk

Favorite Traits: Crazy fun, predatory

This guy is crazy fun. Aren’t a lot of you on the edge of your seat whenever he’s around? Whether you’re looking forward to him or dreading him, he’s a character who knows how to steal the spotlight. He’s certainly a pleasure to write and a proper foil for some!

He’s also someone who a lot of people don’t quite get. Hence, the webtoon. Is it helping any? Do you feel like you understand him better?

Probably not. After all, his name is still…Unknown.

It’s interesting to note that some fans typically don’t like Night for his liberal lifestyle, but then, we get to this guy…then again, some people still fancy Unknown’s a bit reserved in some sense. Just remember: ignore the voice(s) in the game if it’s confusing you; the webcomic captures him perfectly.

Oh, and make sure you don’t do what he does at home. Unknown’s an interesting character to write, to be sure, but I don’t endorse what he does!

X from Prison

“Oi, Crown Ruler, why are you always putting me last? I ought to come first, you know! I’m the star of Beauty and the War, I’m tellin’ you!”

Favorite Traits: Powers, masculinity, snarkiness

I like X. He has good chemistry with (Present Day) Ambrosia. He radiates strength and masculine energy like he’s some kind of Arnold Schwarzenegger. But what I like most would probably be his powers, like his switch between Aries form and Regular.

His snarky remarks are pretty fun, too. You would think I’d mention this about Wind, but I just happen to prefer X’s debatably “friendlier” style. I don’t have anything against Wind’s sarcasm, and in fact, it can charge scenes with a certain kind of momentum that makes it engaging to watch. It’s just not enough to enter “favorite” territory for me.

Hopefully, I haven’t missed anyone there! I didn’t include the Huntsman’s characters (Dev and Dominic) since you asked about favorite traits for mine.

I’m a writer before I’m an artist, so you might notice that when I make a story, I make characters that fit a role. Each actor has their part in the unfolding play, and they must arrive on stage during their scene. Perhaps, individually, they may fall flat to one viewer, but together, the resulting interaction can be phenomenal - pure entertainment.

To say the least, these characters, even the ones I’m not strictly fond of, can become more intriguing when they mix and match with the others. So, that’s something I would like to add that I enjoy for each and every one - their chemistry and interaction with the rest of the cast. (Some more so than others.)

I typically enjoy talking about my characters, so if you have any other questions or if I wasn’t clear about something, please feel free to ask. Were you surprised by anything I had to say? If you have the time, share your thoughts! I love to hear them.

#ask

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omgkatsudonplease · 7 years ago

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For the song prompts: "Boredom and Joy" by Jets Overhead. ^_^

day 3, part 2!

and yes, NICA (numerical integrated computer array, but i’m really bad at acronyms so pls feel free to suggest alternatives) is the AI version of @nicaforov. listen,,, evil AI is out, thirsty AI is in 😉

For Nevans, the act of the forehead and fingertip touch is deeply intimate, a show of trust and affection. Here is my mind meeting yours, it says. Here are my defenses, all laid bare at your feet. I am vulnerable at your touch, my mind open to yours and yours to mine.

Kissing Yuuri is more than he could have ever imagined.

He feels a weightlessness he’d never felt before, a sense of perfect clarity and rightness as the Terran’s fingertips press into his own. Yuuri breathes into their space, his lashes fluttering in wonder, and Viktor is blown away at the sheer wealth of information that Yuuri’s mind grants him at this touch. The underlying buzz of fear and anxiety, the strength, the stubbornness, the love – everything a contradiction and yet all of it impossibly amalgamated into the wonderful being kissing him now.

It’s everything Viktor has ever wanted to feel, and he never wants to stop feeling it, ever again.

“Are you okay?” Yuuri asks as they pull apart. “You seem… winded.”

“It’s a good winded,” Viktor says quickly. Not entirely – just this one kiss feels like the first bite into forbidden fruit. Now that he’s had a taste, he doesn’t want to return to normal, to a life without Yuuri in it.

Which may happen, as his time is running out. He cannot ascend the throne unbonded; Gosha has already had to hand down his place in the succession because he’s been unable to bond with any of the Candidates. The prospect of returning to Neva after this, and making a Candidate his bonded consort just to ascend the throne doesn’t appeal to him at all anymore.

(Gosha, as someone who had thrown himself into the study of ruling the planet, had wanted the throne more than him. He would be better suited, if it weren’t for his relatively terrible empath skills.)

Viktor tears himself out from his thoughts when he feels Yuuri’s fingers against the back of his hand. Unthinking, he turns his hand over, baring his palms. Yuuri smiles, trailing designs across Viktor’s skin.

“We should get up,” Yuuri says after a moment. His room is starting to brighten, anyway; Viktor suspects the hue of the light is meant to mimic Terran daylight. “NICA, what are we doing today?”

There is a meeting at 0800 standard hours, she replies. Captain Babicheva would like to discuss the job given to the crew by Prince Viktor of the House of Nikiforov. A pause. The Prince is in your quarters with you.

“Yeah, I got that,” Yuuri says, laughing. “What are the specifics of the job?”

The location and safe return of Prince Yuri of the House of Nikiforov, replies NICA. Prince Yuri is an adopted high-empath Nevan formerly of the noble House of Plisetsky, a cadet branch of the House of Nikiforov. His powers were discovered at the age of 5, and from thereon he was adopted into the main line and is currently second in the line of succession.

“That’s not public record,” Viktor remarks, raising an eyebrow. “I didn’t know ship computers had access to royal documents.”

“NICA’s sort of one of my pet projects,” Yuuri admits, his cheeks flushing pink. “Mila actually put some of the Nevan stuff into her when I was coding for her information retrieval system. She said it was ‘just in case’, so…”

Captain Babicheva has eluded Nevan Searchers for three Standard years after fleeing the planet in an attempt to escape an intended bonding to Prince Alexei, NICA chips in cheerily. Prince Alexei is currently unbonded, but has an official companion, a Terran named Kat Parson –

“NICA, you could’ve told me that before we went to Neva in the first place,” Yuuri points out.

Captain Babicheva set the security on that information to a ‘need to know’ basis. I have deduced that you need to know.

“Thanks.” Yuuri sighs. “NICA, can you order me a coffee?”

Viktor follows him, fascinated, as they head through the halls of the ship towards the galley. The Firebird is an older model of a standard Nevan long-distance starship, able to accommodate a crew of fifty with escape pods to spare, though clearly the current crew is much smaller than that. Based on some of the patches and quirks in the panelling and the Terran-coded ship’s computer, though, it’s clear that the Firebird has gotten some modifications during her time with this crew.

“I also put NICA on my own ship,” Yuuri adds as they pass the doors marked ‘hangar’. “In fact that’s where I do most of the tinkering; better she messes up the Vicchan instead of the Firebird, you know?”

“You named your ship after your dog?” asks Viktor, eyes wide.

“Well, her real name is the Victory,” replies Yuuri, shrugging. “I got her when we escaped an Orson raider fleet, so it felt fitting.”

Viktor gapes. Until now, he’s never heard of anyone who’s escaped an Orson raider fleet and lived to tell the tale. “How did that happen?”

“You should ask Phichit for the story, he’s got musical numbers,” replies Yuuri, as they step into the galley and he heads straight for the replicator. “Thank god for still being in orbit – I sometimes forget what real coffee tastes like when we’re out in space for ages.”

“Are you just trying to turn me off going out to space with you?” teases Viktor. “Because it’s not happening.”

Welcome, Prince Viktor of the House of Nikiforov, the ship’s computer suddenly says. Viktor blinks at the replicator panel, now displaying a variety of menu options. We have a variety of standard Nevan cuisine to order from portside for your comfort and enjoyment.

“It’s spaceport food,” says Yuuri, already halfway through his coffee. “Nothing fancy.”

Viktor purses his lips and looks at the menu. “What if I want to try something else?” he asks.

“There’s some meals from most Federation planets,” replies Yuuri. “I’ve been trying to perfect my mother’s katsudon recipe, but it’s strangely hard to code for breaded pork cutlets?”

“Ooh! I’d like to try that,” says Viktor. The replicator makes a whirring noise.

“Ah, I feel like I should apologise in advance.” Yuuri laughs. “Maybe if you ever find yourself on Earth sometime you should find my mother and get the original recipe. Nothing else will ever compare.”

Half an hour later, Viktor realises that if he ever does do that, he might expire on the spot from good food, because the replicator katsudon is one of the most delicious things he’s had in his entire life.

“Wow, this is amazing!” he exclaims. “Who made it?”

“The replicator,” says Yuuri. “Though, technically it was NICA controlling it. Again, it’s not really authentic, since she has to break down our existing food stock to create the raw ingredients, so sometimes she runs out of, like, the pork toner or the egg, or… I’m sorry. Bad time to discuss it.”

“Well, I don’t have a point of comparison, so it tastes good to me,” replies Viktor matter-of-factly. He looks up at one of the lights. “NICA, it was delicious!”

Thank you, Prince Viktor, replies NICA. I’m deeply touched.

After eating, Yuuri leads him into the wardroom where the meeting is apparently scheduled to take place. Mila is there, along with two Allegrians, the dark-skinned Terran Viktor vaguely recognises as Phichit, and Dr Minami. The ship’s doctor is sitting off to the side, though, and he waves at Viktor as they come in.

“Feeling better?” he asks. Viktor smiles and rotates his wrist upwards thrice. The Allegrian gesture works; Dr Minami smiles and repeats it.

“Thank you for joining us today, Your Highness,” Mila says as the door closes behind Yuuri. “Phichit has intercepted transmissions from Nevan Law Enforcement about the origins of the metal you turned in last night.”

The anger. The panic. The confusion. Viktor’s stomach turns as the reports are projected for everyone to see. “The Mandalan Empire,” he breathes.

“No way,” says Phichit.

The projection fades. Everyone looks over at the Terran, who has a hand clenched firmly against the table. “It says it’s Mandalan in origin,” one of the Allegrians points out.

“Most of the Mandalan delegation were severely injured,” Phichit points out. “They’re in no position to be stealing princes.”

“Maybe they did that and someone else took advantage of the situation?” asks Yuuri. Phichit sends him a betrayed expression.

“Seung-gil is a student, not a terrorist,” he hisses.

“Maybe not him, but one of his colleagues –”

“Which one of us spent the evening talking to them?” demands Phichit. “Chris, you can back me up. They support Prime Minister Park and the Emperor’s peace policies. They would never.”

The Allegrian named Chris bites his lip. “They were supportive of the Federation treaty,” he agrees after a moment. “But –”

“Okay, maybe it’s just my little human gut instinct, but I know they’re innocent,” snaps Phichit. “Wrong place at the wrong time. Someone stole a Mandalan bomb and set it off –”

“It was a Mandalan ship energy core,” corrects Mila. “They’re extremely volatile in contact with liquid. There’s a Mandalan ship out there with no or very little energy; those things are extremely pricey because they’re so efficient otherwise.”

“That only supports my theory!” Phichit exclaims, throwing up his hands. “Why would the Mandalans sabotage their own ship? I bet you someone did it to make it look like the Mandalans want to breach the treaty. Maybe the warmongering hawks in their Imperial Fleet paid them.”

Viktor takes the security footage of the blast, magnifying it until it fills most of the space. “Has whoever done this sent any demands?” he asks.

“Not that the Nevan Police know of,” replies Mila. “While they search planetside, we’ll check the logs at the spaceport. Chances are, whoever did this would want to get out of Nevan territory as soon as possible, especially if they’re also responsible for the explosion.”

“I think I know who did it,” says Chris suddenly, holding up his commlink. Viktor only catches a glimpse of a conversation hovering above the commlink before Chris dismisses it. “Seung-gil texted me, says he just got discharged from the hospital but can’t find his ship anywhere.”

A pause. “You think… no way.” Phichit shakes his head.

Chris nods. “Whoever stole Seung-gil’s ship probably has the Prince, too.”

#yoi #viktuuri #victuuri #lily's dabbles #yoiroyaltyweek #day 3 #rewrite the stars #iwritevictuuri #ask

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uldrenssov · 3 years ago

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i’m like very hesitant about posting this but i also want to complain about it somewhere but also maybe if you watched ar/ca/ne don’t argue or start anything with me i do not care about discourse

anyone else thought there would be something with viktor and jayce.............

like. we got a jayce/mel sex scene that absolutely everyone asked for and something incomprehensible with viktor and the i-forgot-her-name-she-had-like-two-lines assistant that felt SO out nowhere. and then viktor and jayce got a "he's like my Brother". ok i see. i see how it is. i liked arcane alright but i am still kinda. meh about this. it's making me mildly worried in s2 we'll get a "she's like my sister" with cait and vi. i mean they couldn't be baiting us this much but there is Always the possibility and i’m just very distrustful of any new piece of media i mean it could've been something so special and cool with how like. at first viktor saves jayce from literally fucking killing himself and then later it's vice-versa and like. i like mel as a character but what significance does her relationship have like what's....... the damn point. there is nothing cool or special about it. it's just so. cishet. i cannot explain this maybe i'm way too hostile towards m/f relationships to be saying anything. i'm just tired of them. and don't come at me with "they could be bi" yea they most definitely Could Have Been but are they? no. i have no problem with m/f relationships if they are done interestingly. like just to give one example so i don’t look like a complete cishet hater: yen and geralt. ok. moving on. jayce and mel have nothing. if they didn't kiss you would have to spell it out for me that they had a thing i would just think they were coworkers. viktor and jayce however already felt like they had a special bond and it could've been something nice and different but whatever. who cares. Who Cares.

#personal #over the years i became sooo cishetphobic it’s not even funny #but i just don’t care! about cishet relationships!! in media!!!!! i’m tired of them i’m so tired #whatever #the show was still very good in the father and daughter department.

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viktorredemptionarc · 7 years ago

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Fic: I’ll go jock-casual, you can do formal-goth [JayceViktor]

A/N: Available @ AO3 too. This is the +11k words high school au that nobody (one person) asked for and I couldn’t get out of my head.

Word Count: 11.021.

Characters/Relationships: Jayce/Viktor.

Rating: T for language.

Summary: Senior year is going great for Jayce until Viktor happens.

The Science Fair of his senior year is supposed to be the highlight of Jayce's high school career. The event that'd put every other experience to shame, the greatest moment of his youth.

No matter how sad Vi thought that this idea of his was. Or the fact that she was the only person alive allowed to know.

It was important to him; and if she couldn't get that, the problem was hers. Jayce got her point, vaguely. He'd been dragged to enough high school parties to get why she thought they were cool, but what was cooler than having your scientific talent recognized in front of the full student body?

Nothing, if you asked him.

Virtually anything, if you asked her.

He's pretty confident in his win. He's won every single year without fail. And he's proud of what he's done, too. It's nothing special, is what he's going to say when asked, just a simple super-capacitator to optimize electronic devices' charging time. No biggie.

Child's play, really.

But when his time to be judged comes, no questions are asked. No surprised gasps come. No thinly veiled admiration is delivered. The judges leave his table in silence, and Jayce fights a battle with himself to keep a forced smile plastered on his face until they're done judging everybody else.

What. The. Hell.

He looks around, and sees nothing but mediocrity staring back at him.

That is until he makes eye contact with The New Kid, smirking by a fully functional mechanic prosthetic arm displayed on his table as if it's no big deal.

As if prosthetic arms don't cost around eight thousand dollars, on the cheap side.

Jayce breaks eye contact and frowns at the device on his table as he feels something that he rarely experiences.

Fear. Insecurity.

Envy.

The horrifying, dreadful, and paralyzing idea that he didn't work hard enough and now that new kid with the ugly black skinny jeans and the combat boots is going to snatch his prize away because he got too comfortable. Too accustomed to winning, too careless to try harder.

Which is absurd, because he knows that he worked his ass off on it. And he's gotta have faith in it. Who is going to if he doesn't?

Jayce collects himself, takes a deep breath and avoids looking at the new kid until the judges are done. And they stand in the middle of the gym.

And the Physics teacher holds the mic to his mouth.

And declares Viktor Evans the winner of the Science Fair.

-x-

On his first day of high school, Viktor thought that he had stepped inside an obscure cult's headquarters by mistake.

Everywhere he went, everyone he talked to, they all shared one thing: Jayce Sawyer.

Whether it were the student council presidency posters, the football team propaganda or the whispers around the halls, Viktor couldn't take a single step without having to deal with this guy, whoever he was. Which, to be fair, did raise his curiosity to an extent for the first few hours.

Even though it had died by oversaturation by the time he finally laid eyes on the one and only Jayce Sawyer himself.

Jayce entered Contemporary Literature running and out of breath, and Viktor raised an eyebrow from his sit. He was...just as one would expect the star of the football team to be. Exactly as every teen movie told you that the most popular dude in school was. He was handsome, and athletic, and tall, and broad shouldered, and Viktor hated him since the very second he opened his mouth.

"Sorry Miss B," he said. "I had a meeting with the boys, you know how they get."

Then he winked, and Viktor not only hated him, but took the executive decision to never in his life speak to him.

-x-

"How did you manage to build a fully functional mechanical prosthetic arm without having to sell a kidney?" Viktor considers ignoring him. It has worked, so far. Jayce didn't know who he was, Viktor had to deal with the entirety of the student body mythologizing him to the point of absurd devotion, fear, and hatred, neither of which Jayce seemed to be aware of. It worked for everyone.

He closes his locker and turns away from Jayce, only mildly surprised when he grabs at the sleeve of his jacket.

"Hey, I'm talking to you," Jayce frowns at him when he turns around with a sigh, holding his books to his chest. This is...not a very good situation to be in. Not one he's wanted to be in, ever. His only motivation to even try to do good at the Science Fair were scholarships, pissing Jayce off was a surprising and welcomed bonus.

Until now.

"Yes, I gathered as much," he says, slowly, and Jayce lets go of his sleeve and crosses his arms scowling. "I was trying to ignore you and see if you'd go away, but no such luck."

Jayce bristles. "Do you know who I am?"

"Is it possible not to?" Viktor gestures at the walls, covered as they've been since he got there in Jayce's face and the words PAVE THE WAY in neon green.

Jayce makes a very odd thing with his face, that looks like he's in pain but also angry. Viktor drums his fingers on the cover of a book. If Jayce doesn't say anything in ten seconds, he's leaving.

He's gotten to eight when Jayce snaps.

"But seriously. Why? How? Where did you even get the materials to build that?"

Maybe Jayce was like a band-aid. The fastest you dealt with him, the fastest you could go on with your business and the least it'd hurt.

"Scholarships. Effort and wires. I rented a 3D printer, cuts the costs by more than a half," he says, barely even pausing, and Jayce blinks at him and gapes. "There isn't any more to it than that, and I would appreciate it if you'd stop harping on it. Sorry your ego got stung?"

"It's not..." Jayce pauses and frowns, and Viktor is losing his patience. "It is a bit about my ego. I just needed to know, okay? The Science Fair was important to me."

Viktor does not believe for a second that Jayce Sawyer, jock extraordinaire, thinks that the Science Fair is more important than any other football match. Not that he blames him, but it would be nice not to be lied to.

But whatever.

He does know that Jayce has been winning first place in the Science Fair since he was in freshman year, though.

Intriguing.

Yet not enough to make him ask.

"Fascinating. Can I go, now?"

"I'm not holding you at gun point, am I?" he makes to leave, he does, but Jayce holds his sleeve again and Viktor would like to say that yeah, maybe he isn't holding him at gun point but he sure as hell is fond of clinging to him like an asshole. "Wait. I didn't mean why in that way. I. Just. Why a mechanical prosthetic arm?"

He sounds pained, and Viktor gets it. A little. Not like a super-capacitator is any less of a flamboyant choice, but. Yeah. True.

"I like cybernetics and reading on their implementation in everyday life," Jayce snorts, which rude, but Viktor loathes to comment and having to talk to him for another minute. "I'm going to be late for Physics C, can I go now?"

Jayce shrugs and waves him off.

Viktor is late for Physics C. Jayce is already there when he arrives.

-x-

Vi's room is obnoxiously pink, and Jayce is aware that it's a declaration of war to all and any who ever dared think or say that she wasn't girly enough. As is her hair, which is also hot pink. She defies the world with every step she takes, a walking paradox, and Jayce wouldn't have her any other way.

Which doesn't make her pink walls hurt his eyes any less, with how saturated the color is.

"I painted it last week," she smiles, pointing at it proudly, and Jayce sniffles. "Don't be a baby. It's intense, yeah, but you just gotta get used to it."

"If you say so..."

She smacks his shoulder and sits on her bed by his side, smirking. Jayce knows that look, and it's one he doesn't like.

"Prom is coming," oh no. No please, no thanks. Prom is awful. Prom is hell. Prom is the very thing he's been dreading since he was ten and his mom let him watch Carrie with her. Prom is something awful that always ends in tragedy. A dark mark in his teenage years that will embarrass him to remember forever. "You asking any hunk out?"

As if. Vi is the only person in the world, including his family, who he's out to. It's a matter of reputation and fear. He's every teenage movie fantasy rolled into a single person, the Troy Bolton of Piltover with just enough Danny Zuko thrown in the mix to keep it interesting. It's how he naturally is. Gifted. Not his fault.

It comes with its perks.

Like the risk of ruining the status quo, with which he's pretty comfortable with thanks, by being out. And being more or less obligated to attend prom.

Jayce avoids her inquisitive look and coughs. "No, I don't think so. Any chicks in your radar?"

He dodges, as he sometimes does, but is alarmed to see her deflate by his side.

"No. I tried to be out, but they don't...they think it's a phase or some shit. I don't know."

She shrugs, and Jayce is confused and out of his element. It's usually the other way around. He comes to Vi moping and she puts his pieces back together. Dealing with emotions is not his strongest suit, but he can try. That's the least he can do.

"Hey, it'll work out. And if we can't find anyone, we can go together."

She snorts, and Jayce is relieved to see her smile again. "Yeah, sure. As if we need any more rumors about us dating. They hurt my chances with the babes, you know?"

"Tragic," she nods, and Jayce is glad to have her. For some reason, even though he's popular, people seem to...not want to talk to him much. Viktor's reaction when he tried to speak to him comes to mind. It's worrisome. "Hey, Vi. What do you know about that Viktor guy?"

"The one who won the Science Fair?" Jayce grumbles and she laughs but doesn't insist. "Not much. He doesn't like you. Doesn't talk much. Kind of a goth vibe with all the black clothes, but who knows. Why? You like him?"

She wiggles her eyebrows and Jayce slaps his hand over her mouth to hush her. No. Absurd. Never. Viktor is not the kind of guy he'll ever be into, and he sucks anyway.

"No. Shut up. I just tried to talk to him the other day, about his project, and he was super rude and I don't know why."

"It's because you're an arrogant dick," she deadpans, muffled by his hand, and Jayce isn't even offended.

"Maybe. It's not as if I can't be one, have you seen me?" he lets her go and gestures at himself, and Vi shoves him off the bed.

"Out of my house. Get out of here. I want your ass out of my space," she kicks him softly, and Jayce laughs as he stands and leaves the room flipping her off.

-x-

"I wish I could be like Jayce."

"Jayce is an asshole."

"What bullshit is Jayce going to pull today."

"Christine told me that Jayce once snogged her and Laura Davis the same day."

"Isn't Jayce just dreamy?"

"Jayce's been going out with Vi since junior year."

"I don't want to anger Jayce. Who knows what he'd do."

"Jayce helps at the local shelter every single day. Rob saw him."

This is Viktor's high school experience every single day.

Jayce this, Jayce that, Jayce Jayce Jayce Jayce Jayce.

Jayce in class, Jayce around the halls, Jayce's plastered all over the walls.

Jayce fans, Jayce haters, Jayce mythomaniacs.

Jayce friends?

One to his knowledge, not that he cares.

Viktor enters the cafeteria and the first thing he hears is Jayce's voice, loud and clear.

And sure enough, there he is. Letterman jacket and all, sitting with the head cheerleader and talking as if there is nobody else in the room. Viktor hates him, but he hates himself even more for staring.

The girl sitting with Jayce, Vi he thinks, catches him looking and waves with a smile and Viktor feels like pointing at himself and asking if she's one hundred percent sure, absolutely certain, that she wants to be seen establishing contact with the guy who everyone still calls New Kid. If they have to call him anything at all.

She keeps waving.

What is he supposed to do.

He raises a hand and wiggles his fingers, fully aware of how awkward he looks but what other options does he have? Approach their table and talk? To them?

Not in a million years, thank you.

Viktor stares in wonder as Vi smiles at him and elbows Jayce in the ribs. Hard. Then points his way, and Jayce kind of waves? At him? Too? Kinda. A little.

Thinking about it later he'd say that it was a tactical withdrawal. That he did not run away, no siree. He left the cafeteria because he wasn't that hungry to begin with, he was sick to bastard death of everyone waxing poetic about Jayce, and he wanted nothing to do with him. That'd be his reasoning, and he'd be pretty content with it too.

Right there and then, he feels like he's about to puke. Insecure and small, angry at himself and angry at Jayce for existing and making him feel in the spotlight. So he leaves, before it gets worse and he has to deal with the situation any longer and decide whether or not to wave back.

It turns out to be a mistake, as he discovers the next day when he finds Jayce hanging by his locker staring down at his phone.

He's wearing his letterman jacket again and he looks up when he hears Viktor approaching, regretting it almost instantly when Jayce beams at him as if they've been friends since freshman year.

"Viktor, my man!" if he says my main man next, Viktor is going to punch him. "My main man!"

Right.

Viktor punches his arm. Jayce doesn't even flinch and yes, it could've been more effective but he feels slightly less frustrated with the world at large. A little.

"What do you want."

"I..." Jayce hesitates, and it's surprising enough for Viktor to stop trying to open his locker and look at him. He's staring down at the floor, and Viktor is. Well. Viktor is intrigued, for lack of a better word. "Believe it or not, not many people here are willing to talk about robotics."

Jayce looks back up at him, sheepish, and Viktor is horrified to realize that he feels sympathy for him. Oh, the horror. The absolute dread.

"Cool. I guess. Or...uncool? Why do I care about this, exactly?"

He opens his locker more forcefully than necessary and Jayce flinches. "I figured you'd...be? Interested? In talking about robotics?"

Viktor hangs his head and takes a very deep breath. Slowly.

He would like everyone around him to get the message he tries to project with how he presents himself quickly. The message being leave me the fuck alone, thank you very much. Honestly. He dresses in all black, he's a walking loner teen trope. Awkward and socially inept, that's what he is.

Why must the most popular kid in school (trademark) be obsessed with talking to him. He'd love to crack that, but also to forget about it and go on with his life without ever thinking about it again.

"Listen, Jayce," he starts, and tries to be as clear as he can. Even if he has to be brutal about it. "I do like to talk about robotics, I just...don't want to do so...with you?"

He glances Jayce's way checking for a reaction and finds his face...oddly blank. Worrying. Better than anger, better than tears. But weird.

"Why?" Jayce's voice is low, strained. Viktor grimaces.

"Why should I?"

"Please," Jayce says, and it sounds more or less like pooleese and Viktor quirks an eyebrow and closes his locker to stare at him as a grin spreads across his face. "Aren't you supposed to be like super smart or something? What's up with the silly questions? Of course you'd want to talk to me, why wouldn't you?"

This conversation is going in circles and Viktor's head is starting to hurt. Though he dreads to admit that Jayce's arrogance is sort of funny, in an awful kind of way.

Viktor scoffs and tries to shove Jayce away. With little to no success. "I'm afraid of your ego getting big enough to suffocate us both, that's why."

Jayce, wonder of wonders, snorts. Viktor stares at him trying to mask his disbelief, cover it with disdain or aloofness. Whichever gets Jayce to leave. Judging by how Jayce's grin grows, he's failed. Quite spectacularly, too.

"I bet you love the Borg."

"Of course I do," he bites his tongue, hard, because he has answered before he has thought about it and he wants to kick Jayce's look of contempt out of his smug ass face. "Why am I still talking to you."

Jayce leans across his locker, arms crossed, and Viktor bristles and takes a step back. Too close. Much too close. No thanks.

"Why shouldn't you?"

Viktor turns on his heel and leaves Jayce right where he is.

-x-

It's been a week and Jayce might still not be over it.

At all.

"He likes the Borg."

"So you've said. Twenty times in the last five minutes."

"He does not like me."

Vi stops fiddling with her phone and looks at him over the rim of her sunglasses. "Tell me something I don't know."

Jayce sneers. "The new girl is coming this way and she looks ready to kill a man, or you, or both before fifth period starts. So am gonna bail and see if I can find Viktor somewhere."

He jumps off the bleachers and takes a second to enjoy Vi's panic as the girl marches her way before he takes off. He's a man on a mission. On one that he is not one hundred percent sure why he took, if he's to be completely honest with himself.

Luckily for him, Viktor is so easy to spot that he doesn't have enough time to reflect on that before he finds him.

He's sitting with a book on the stairs to the main building's entrance, alone. His hair is an absolute mess and Jayce should tell him that black is not the only color available at stores, but he doesn't think it would be welcomed advice.

It's not as if it's a bad color on him. The whole broody teen aesthetic fits the sharp features like a glove.

Jayce struts his way as casually as he knows how, which isn't very casually at all, and Viktor is digging a hole through his skull with his eyes by the time he reaches the steps he's sitting on.

"What is it now?" he asks, before he even has a chance to say hello, and Jayce shrugs and picks at the sleeves of his jacket. Curiosity, he guesses. A little bit of pettiness.

"Just wanted to talk."

Viktor smiles, but it's cold as steel. "Well I don't. So that's settled. Bye."

"About the ethical and aesthetic implications of performing body modifications when not needed," Jayce says, and Viktor frowns at him and heaves a sigh.

"Define body modifications," Viktor spits. Jayce sits by him. He'll enjoy this victory while he can.

"Not piercings or tats or that shit, I mean prosthetics. Legs, arms. That kind of stuff," Viktor closes his book and taps his finger on the cover as Jayce speaks. "We are over this debate when they are needed. In my opinion, at least. But how do we judge it when someone who doesn't need them decides to like...better themself or something and gets them done?"

He's been more eloquent other times, he'll admit that, but Viktor's eyes are intense on his and he's been paying attention. Jayce doesn't know why he wants that as much as he does. Maybe it's a matter of pride. Nobody is allowed to ignore him.

Maybe it's a matter of having someone, anyone, to talk to about these things.

"Aesthetically speaking, it'd be an statement. They do it because they can do it, and their reasons for it are inane. If we are to discuss the aesthetics, that's as far as we can go. Ethically, I don't think we are the right people to discuss these matters."

Jayce hums. "I guess you are right."

"I do think that media questioning whether or not cyborgs or, say, augmented human beings are still human is boring. The prosthetic I built is proof that those so called cyborgs are possible in the world we live in. We either go full posthumanist, which makes the question meaningless, or stop being fucking assholes. Then again, this is not my topic to discuss."

Viktor's voice, which has raised through his speech, dims and dies by the end of it and he avoids Jayce's eyes as if he's done something wrong. Jayce finds himself dumbstruck, unable to come up with an answer.

He's going to drop on his knees and cry at Viktor's feet because this is the kind of conversation he's been longing to have for years but nobody thinks a jock has substance. No matter how many Science Fair prizes he might have won. His dad could've been making those, for all anyone knows.

"I've been thinking about that, too. Not that exactly. But progress, you know? How we...advance. And go on. And there's no way to stop that, but sometimes it's dizzying. I love it, we are just gonna need help catching up with ourselves with how fast we are going."

Viktor snorts. "You mean like Moore's Law?"

"Yeah, something like that. Though that's pretty much dead with how tiny chips are now. I meant that applied to technology at large. Take the super-capacitator I built, for instance. With how phones are produced nowadays, wouldn't a device meant to make them charge faster be useful?"

"It would. Though I do find that to be a little too distanced from humanity, and paradoxically too emotional at the same time," Viktor answers, and Jayce is...Jayce is dying. Maybe even literally.

"It's emotional because I care. I'm involved in it and I sound like I am. Of course it's emotional. How couldn't it be?"

Viktor shrugs. Jayce is having a very hard time deciphering his expression. He looks tired.

"Emotions are messy. Why are you so set on talking to me, anyway? Useless to ask now that you have gotten what you wanted but might as well," Jayce recognizes a change of topic when he sees one, but he doesn't comment. He chooses to be honest instead, because what could go wrong.

"You seemed to be the only person at school who didn't like me."

By the way Viktor snorts, dry and humorless, and looks at him with what feels a lot like actual pity in his eyes, everything could go wrong.

"Are you telling me that you're so self absorbed that you haven't noticed? Me ignoring you is pretty mild compared to what others are doing, Jayce."

He's panicking, but Viktor doesn't need to know. The way Jayce's world is falling around him because of his words is none of his business. At all. So he tries, hard as he might, to hold on and smile, fake as it may be. He's handsome, athletic, smart. It's only natural that he's popular. He's avoided pulling awful stunts. People...can't hate him.

It doesn't make sense.

"Can't help it if they're jealous of my natural charm," if Viktor has noticed the tremor in his voice, he doesn't comment. He hums, and hits his arm lightly with the book, but doesn't say anything else, and leaves Jayce sitting on the steps feeling like the ground is shaking beneath his feet.

-x-

"I just can't stand him."

"God, he's so...overbearing."

"His ego is the size of the building."

"I've heard he got Brian expelled because he didn't let him copy his homework."

"His dad's loaded and that's about everything worthy about him."

"I hate him."

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

Turns out every piece of media Jayce has ever watched about teen life is right and being popular is a double edged sword, and he wasn't just an exception to the rule.

He didn't get lucky because he's got the looks and the charm. He's just been so busy with being enamored with himself and the idea of being a teen idol since freshman year that he hasn't noticed that half the student body fucking hates him, and that most don't even do it for legit reasons.

Even though some of them do.

They are done with his face being everywhere, or his attitude, or his brashness. That, Jayce can understand. With that, he can live.

Others hate him because of rumors, or because he's somehow managed to interfere in their lives without wanting to.

Jimmy Burton's girlfriend left him when they were in junior year because she had a crush on Jayce, then refused to get back with him when Jayce turned her down and blamed Jimmy for it and somehow it's Jayce's fault. Arabella Williams waved at him once when they were in the hall during sophomore year and Jayce didn't wave back, mostly because he doesn't have eyes in his ass, and it's been eating at her since then.

And so on and so forth.

All in all, he was happier when he was a self absorbed prick who didn't pay attention to his whereabouts and didn't know that people hated him. His life was better that way.

He tells Vi at lunch and she laughs in his face.

"I thought that you were being mature about it, but you didn't even know."

Jayce looks around but no one seems to be paying attention to them. For now. "Yeah. Keep your voice down, alright? I just. I don't know, Vi. I've been busy?"

"Having your head inside your ass, yeah," she's crude as fuck, but it's okay. It's fine. It's not as if everything he's thought to be true for the last four years has been a lie. At all. It's totally chill.

He doesn't want to keep talking about this, all of a sudden.

"What did that girl want, yesterday?"

Vi quirks an eyebrow at him and Jayce prays for her to let him off the hook, just once. It won't hurt her and it'll make him have at least five minutes more to digest this situation he's in. Win/win, really.

"I'm gonna let you get away with it today, but don't count on it again," she says, flicking his forehead, and Jayce smiles. "Her name's Caitlyn and f y i, she thinks I'm hot. Wants to take me to prom."

"You are kidding. There's still like a month till prom. I should know, I'm in charge of it."

"Yeah, well. She's in a hurry. Didn't want you to snatch me up with your debonair claws or some shit," Vi sneers. "It's nice, you know? For someone to believe me when I say I'm gay. For a change. You fuck my reputation up real bad, Jaycerino."

He leans over the table, as close to her as he can get, and Vi pushes him back hard enough for him to fall back on his chair. But it's good. It's great. She's laughing, Jayce is laughing, life seems nicer when Vi is happy and glowing as she is now. No matter what people, apparently, think about him; he does care about his friends a lot. Even if he only has one, and that one spends twenty hours a day out of twenty four laughing at him.

"Hey, I did scram when she marched your way, didn't I?" she scoffs, which is never a good sign.

"Sure. Only 'cause you thought that she was out for blood and you wanted to chase that new kid around. Viktor, wasn't it? Still sore about his win?"

"Oh no, I have bigger things to be sore about right now, like the fact that half the student body hates me apparently."

Jayce knows that there's someone behind him halfway through that sentence but it's too late to stop and he doesn't want to anyway. No regrets when he's telling the truth.

"Are you always so over dramatic?" Viktor asks, and yes some regrets maybe.

"Viktor, my boy! He can be way more dramatic, this is nothing by his standards," Vi is the worst kind of traitor to ever exist, but Jayce will go easy on her. She's trying to do him a solid, he knows. She thinks that he wants to befriend Viktor, when it's kind of more complicated than that. He...wants to...talk to him about slightly philosophical robotics related stuff?

Or something like that.

"I see," Jayce can't see Viktor's face, but he can feel the smirk deep within his soul. "It's not that bad. Some of them do want to be your friends."

Pity, that's just what he needs. He reaches back, doing his very best to pretend that his ego isn't shattered, and grabs Viktor's hand when he finds it.

"Do you want to be my friend?" Jayce says, having the feeling that he's only half joking and not caring for a change, and looks back at Viktor's face upside down. He seems to be scowling, but it's hard to know from down there.

"Do you?" Viktor tearing his hand away as if burned doesn't hurt, not exactly, but it does sting. In this moment of odd weakness and vulnerability of his, Jayce finds himself...lacking. Many things. And Vi is great, but he can't only rely on her. It's been four years of them against all odds but what about college?

And he's been silent for way too long.

"Could do with a little bit of black in my life to counter all the pink, I guess," Vi snorts, and Jayce sticks his tongue out at her just to be a brat.

"He's like a bucket full of black," she says, nose scrunched, then looks apologetically at Viktor with a shrugs. "No offense."

Viktor laughs, dry and airy. "Non taken. As long as you take the hair gel away from this one."

Jayce stays silent as Vi and Viktor laugh at him and feels like he might just have made the biggest mistake of his life.

-x-

Prom is looming over the horizon, his acceptance later came in March but no scholarships have been offered so far, and he has the sickening feeling that during last week he is being Jayce and Vi's charity project for their last year of high school.

It's...a cliché, really. Take the new, socially isolated, student and make them popular. He can list more than ten movies with that as a major plot point. It's either that or the new kid ends up with their hands covered in blood. Or both. Which he does not want, thank you.

Some things are missing, sure. They haven't taken him shopping, and they haven't tried to change his ways. Yet. They have invited him to a party, though. That very same night, two hours from Viktor having the impulse to bail. Just...call it quits. They wouldn't mind, would they? It's not as if Viktor is their best friend or anything. He's just this odd kid who can talk science to Jayce and laugh at him with Vi. That's it, nothing else. They'll have fun without him.

His phone rings and he almost throws it against the wall when he sees Jayce's name displayed on the screen.

"Yo Viktor," calling is so outdated it almost fits Jayce, who has to stand out in everything he does, to do that instead of texting. "Long story short, Vi dumped me 'cause she's got a hot date or something. You still up for tonight?"

Well that's not cool. If he bails on Jayce now he's going to feel guilty and bad and that sucks.

Shit.

"I..." he hesitates. Is he, really, up for tonight? Viktor's not sure. It's either risking it or having to face feeling like shit for leaving Jayce alone. Absurd as that thought is, being that he's going to a party. Was his life this complicated before he got tangled in this mess of a friendship? "Yeah. Yes. I'm still in."

"Alright. Not liking that pause, but okay. You chill?"

No, never.

"Yes. I'm chill. Don't sweat it."

He hangs up before Jayce can keep on asking, and ends up being late to the party only because he spends too much in front of the mirror caring about things that never mattered before. Is his hair okay? Is wearing too much black possible? Does he look as unapproachable as he feels? Should he tone down the leave me alone vibes he tries to project?

It's an exercise in frustration and futility that makes him feel stupid and irritated, and by the time he gets to Elijah Brooks' house he's tired and not exactly ready to interact with people. Looking around and only seeing people he vaguely recalls from some classes or the halls, or people who have laughed at him, doesn't help.

Where the fuck is Jayce fucking Sawyer.

Viktor shuffles around the house, bumping into people as he goes, looking around. They wave at him. Some say hello. He doesn't think anybody there knows his name. He turns around a corner, looking over his shoulder, and bumps into a guy he has seen around the halls but's never met. He steadies him, a hand on his shoulder and the other around a plastic cup.

"Hey, you okay?" Viktor nods, and shrugs his shoulder. The guy drops his hand and frowns. "Viktor, right? You looking for someone?"

He has to shout over the music, and it isn't helping with the knot twisting in his stomach. Viktor is surprised, though, to see that he does know how he's called.

"Yes. Have you seen Jayce?"

"Jayce Sawyer? Yeah. Go back to the front door, he's in the backyard."

"Thanks."

The guy finger guns and dances away. Viktor looks down at himself and, sure enough, he hasn't melted. He's right there, in one piece, alive. After a very awkward but successful interaction with an stranger. Maybe he will survive the party, after all.

He makes his way to the backyard, and Jayce's voice booms from the deck chair he's laying on by the pool.

"Viktor! You finally made it," Viktor flinches, but hey. If Jayce gets annoying he can try to throw him in the pool. Not many people around, could get away with it with little to no witnesses. "Where were you?"

He walks Jayce's way, and sits on the edge of the deck chair. He can definitely try to throw him in the pool. If he uses the chair he could even succeed. "Inside. Why the hell are you out here?"

"Too many people inside. It's nicer out."

"Don't you like being with people? Why come to a party if you don't?"

Jayce shrugs and avoids his eyes, which is very odd and makes Viktor lean closer to see him better in the dark and try and make sense of his expression.

"Vi's the party animal, I'm a tag along," try as he might he can't see him, and his voice isn't giving him any clues as to what he's thinking. "She threatened me with murder if I, quote unquote, denied you the once-in-a-lifetime experience of a high school party."

The more he knows Jayce, the more his mental image of him changes. It isn't completely destroyed, because he was right about some things. But he is not...what he expected him to be. He's like a subversion of a trope, an intellectual jock with feelings who languishes by the pool during parties all by himself. It's confusing, but it'd be one hell of a movie protag.

Viktor can't help it, he laughs. It's too much for even him to keep on trying to look broody.

"Do you hear yourself when you speak?"

"Hey, I'm wounded. Here I am, being sincere and open with you, and you laugh at me."

He looks down at Jayce, at what he can make out in the dark, and what he sees -the person he knows, someone who can talk about the complexities of circuitry for hours- is so far removed from the guy who strut into a classroom and winked at the teacher that he's having trouble piecing the whole picture together.

"I don't even know how you ended up being so popular with how weird you are."

"Natural charm. I'm handsome, I'm smart, I have great hair. Not my fault, I didn't even try," Jayce flashes a smile up at him and Viktor puts his hand on his face.

"Don't ruin it, please," he deadpans, and makes a face when Jayce licks his hand because he's a gross asshole. "Too much to ask from you, I guess."

Viktor cleans his hand on Jayce shirt as Jayce cackles away, and is only a tiny bit angry at himself for smiling.

-x-

"How was your date?"

"Very nice. We had milkshake and played baseball, she smooched me under the moon. I texted her like ten sparkly heart emojis and she texted a winking emoji back. So far, so good. Why are you still using your phone to call instead of texting, like people younger than thirty do?"

"Because you hate it," Vi hangs up on him. Jayce deserved that. He calls again and she keeps him waiting but picks up eventually. "Anyway. Emergency."

She whistles, the noise piercing Jayce's ear, and he deserved that too. "Code?"

"Code deep dark fucking red. Get your ass to my house asap or face mopey Jayce for years."

She hangs up again, and Jayce stares at his room's door from the bed.

Saturday, the morning after the party. It went great and Jayce is a mess.

More of a mess than usual, lately, with all his life shifting and turning and making him think about himself.

Vi stumbles through the door, looking frantic, and Jayce waves weakly from the bed.

"What happened?"

Better get this off his chest as soon as he can.

"I like him."

"Who?"

"Viktor."

"What? Since when? How did this happen?" she sits by his side on the bed, boots on the comforter and all.

"Since last night, is my best guess. He just. I was down, you know? How I get sometimes at parties and stuff. And he was there and we talked, and he was teasing me and he smiled and he was framed by the stars and the fucking moon and shit and I just. I don't know. I looked at him and he was...right there."

"You sure this isn't you being lonely and him being the only dude who talks to you?"

Jayce scowls. "Fucking rude. I'm in the football team and in the student council, a lot of dudes talk to me. I'm crushing hard on him because he knows how to play that stupid Star Trek 3D chess and his smile made me want to cry."

"Oh boy, you've got it bad."

"Yeah, that's my point," she drops her head on her shoulder and pats his leg. It's comforting, if only a little. He'll take it. "This sucks. I gotta start working on prom night, and college is coming, and you're going so far away, and a crush is the last thing I need right now."

"Shut your trap. No matter how far I go, you'll always call me like a fucking grandpa."

Jayce doesn't remember having fallen asleep when he wakes up but Vi's still there, popping a gum bubble and looking down at her phone with a smile.

"Caitlyn?"

"Yeah," her fingers fly over the screen for a second, and then she locks the phone and turns to him. "You feeling better?"

"Kind of? A lot of stuff piled up," he stretches and Vi rolls over and jumps out of the bed. "Thanks for coming. Needed to talk."

"Whenever, dude. Just don't let it get bad, okay? You suck at emotions," she punches his arm, softly, and runs to the door. Jayce flops on the bed with his arms open staring at the ceiling, listening as Vi yells TALK TO HIM from the stairs.

-x-

Jayce is acting weird and Viktor will blame it on the Monday blues and stop thinking about it. He's going to ignore that Jayce isn't by his locker when Physics C is over. He's going to pretend that he isn't noticing the way Jayce is being much less tactile today. He will absolutely not comment on the bags under Jayce's eyes. Everything is normal. Going as expected. Perfectly fine.

He cracks at six in the evening, when he gets news of yet another scholarship denied and he can't deal with the mess any longer.

"Viktor? You never call. Is everything alright?"

No. Nothing is alright. His parents expect too much even if they won't stop fucking moving, he expects too much no matter how hard he knows he tries, Jayce is being distant, and he's starting to care about being alone. Everything is wrong. Everything fucking sucks.

"I don't know if I can pay for college, I don't know if I'm smart enough for college, you weren't like you at all today and I don't know if anything is alright, no idea at all," there's silence on the other end of the line, and Viktor takes a deep breath and sits on his desk. He shouldn't just...dump all his problems on Jayce. He wasn't okay today. It isn't right. "Sorry. Forget it. I'll just try to stop thinking about all of this and I'll see you around, I suppose, talk to you tom..."

"Viktor," Jayce cuts him off, and Viktor runs a hand through his hair and waits. "It's fine. I'm going through some stuff too and I let it get at me today. We are okay, don't worry about that. You can talk to me about things unrelated to technology or philosophy or nerd shit."

Viktor laughs despite himself. "We couldn't end the year without some teenage drama."

"This hardly counts as drama. Finding out that your popular boy status implies hatred, that is drama. A meltdown over the phone is regular friend stuff. Ask Vi, I think she prints my crytypes."

"They idolize you too, stop ignoring that. Is it really bothering you that much?"

"Yes and no. I also have to deal with prom, which sucks 'cause I don't even want to go. Vi has a date already, nobody asked me out, every teen movie warned me about it. I don't know, it's a silly thing to worry about but it's...being on my mind a lot."

"You are the student council president, it's one of the things you have to do. Vi isn't helping?"

Jayce sighs, and Viktor feels the very strange impulse of patting his back. "She can't. Yearbook committee, her hands are full already. I also have this game next week. Last of the season, and the year, and my high school career actually."

"Sounds big."

"You know what? I...should care more about it than I do. I like football, but I don't like it as much as the rest of the team. I feel guilty about that, even if I do give it my all when I play. I don't know, it's a mess. You'll come, though, right?"

Viktor wasn't planning to. He knew about the match, knew that Jayce was going to play and that Vi was going to cheer, but thought that it was okay for him to stay home and do his own thing or go out alone or whatever. Those things he used to do before he had friends. But if Jayce wants him to go, he'll do it.

The idea of a crowded bleacher makes him cringe, but he will go.

"Yes, sure. I'll be there."

"Cool. Cool. That's...that's great. I'll see you there, then. And tomorrow. Talk to you then, okay?"

"Okay," Jayce hangs up and Viktor lets his hand drop and looks down at his phone, unsure of what to do next.

Having to move so much during his childhood, it's always been easier to merge into the background and get ignored than making friends. He suffered less forgetting and getting forgotten as if he had never been there in the first place. But now, with Vi and Jayce, things feel different and they are scary. Viktor is starting to care about them, and his parents won't up and leave when the school year is so close to ending but fear is hard to control.

There's a certain level of safety in being alone that he misses and dreads at the same time now that he doesn't feel as lonely anymore. There's also the ever present anxiety that comes with the possibility of them realizing that he wasn't that great to begin with and leaving him. It's easy enough to manage on a good day, but bad days are hard to deal with. Friendship had grown alien to him as the years passed. He has to get used to it again.

He can do that.

Right?

-x-

Jayce looks ridiculous in football gear, but Viktor thinks that everyone looks ridiculous in football gear. He tells Jayce, right before he has to march to the locker room for the pre-game pep talk, and Jayce flips him the bird as he walks backwards and almost trips climbing down the bleachers.

"You could ask him out," Viktor jumps out of his skin and Vi sits by his side with a smirk. "If that's what you want."

He glares at her, but it only makes the smirk grow. "What makes you think that I want to do that? And shouldn't you be down there with the rest of the cheerleaders?"

"Chill, it's okay. Still got ten minutes till I gotta get down there," she hooks an arm over his shoulders, and Viktor wants to leave but this is the friend he's managed to make and this is one of the horrors that come with her. "I don't know. You were making goo goo eyes at him, figured you might have a teeny tiny crush on our good old friend the Jaycer."

Viktor hopes he doesn't look as mortified as he feels. "I'm...I don't. Football gear is ridiculous, that's all. He is the most popular guy in school, and not interested."

Vi quirks an eyebrow. Viktor fears for his life. "Sound like excuses to me. But sure, you do you. If you say that you don't have a crush on him, I have to believe that. If you want my help with him, though, am glad to lend you a hand. Gotta skedaddle, see you in a bit."

After that, Viktor tries to pay attention to the match. He really does. But not knowing the first thing about football isn't helping with the fact that he can't stop thinking about what Vi said. He can't have a crush on Jayce, and he can't have one without noticing. Right? It's just. Not possible.

The guy on his left bumps him with his shoulder and Viktor doesn't even notice.

Jayce is everything he says he is, but in ways that Viktor didn't expect. He's charming, sometimes even when he's being and arrogant brat. He's handsome, something that Viktor admitted to himself since day one, but there's something about him when nobody's looking that Viktor's seen once in a while and that he can't really put down into words. He's smart, unexpectedly so. He's also irritating, obtuse, bad at feelings and self-absorbed.

Someone drops popcorn on him and Viktor doesn't care.

There's so much to unpack about the matter of whether or not he has a crush on Jayce that he doesn't even know where to begin. They've only been friends for a few weeks, and Viktor is. Lost. Did Vi's words start this? Is he questioning his own feelings because Jayce is the only guy who's on good terms with him?

Their team scores. Viktor looks for Jayce on the field and Jayce waves at him and Vi.

It's impossible anyway. Vi might be dating Caitlyn, but Jayce is supposed to go to college and marry a beautiful girl and have 2.5 children, a golden retriever and a house with a pool.

He remembers how Jayce sounded laughing on the deck chair by the pool, so carefree and happy, and his stomach drops.

Viktor spends the rest of the game trying to focus but failing, having to deal with a journey of self discovery ended in tragedy and the prospect of a very smug Vi in his future. By the time it's over, he only knows that they've won and that he's fucked.

Vi's the first to run up to where he's sitting, fresh out of the shower and beaming. "Viktorino! We won!"

"I know."

"You don't look like it."

"You were right."

"I usually am, but what are we talking about?"

She lays on the bench with her head on his lap and Viktor stares off into the distance, dodging her eyes.

"Jayce."

"Oh."

"Yes."

"Just ask him out."

"I can't."

"I'll help you, it's easy. You walk to him, you ask him to go catch a movie with you, and then you pick him up, and then you watch a movie, and then you smooch him."

He smacks her forehead and she swats at his hand. "It's not that easy, I'm not exactly a dreamboat and he's coming this way act casual."

"Good game, Jayceton," Jayce beams, and it's awful. Viktor wants to slap him and then himself.

"Our last hurrah," he sits by Viktor's side, much too close for comfort right then when Viktor is having the worst kind of revelation. "You were great out there too, Vi."

"When am I not," she stretches and straightens, sitting by Viktor's other side. "Gotta ditch you, though. You are my favorite boys, but Caitlyn's waiting."

Viktor watches her go and hates her a little for trying to help him. He doesn't doubt that she does have a date, late as it might be by his standards, but leaving him alone now with Jayce is not cool.

At all.

Jayce sighs, and Viktor turns to observe his profile under the harsh lights of the field. He's smiling, easy and relaxed.

"I can't believe that this is going to be over in like...two months?" Jayce says, something sad in his voice tugging at Viktor's heartstrings, and turns to look at Viktor himself. "Wish we had met sooner, too. With college and all...I know we'll keep in touch, but it won't be the same and it feels like we didn't have enough time."

Viktor can feel Jayce's breath on his face.

"I have a feeling we would have hated each other for four years," he says, dry, and Jayce laughs. "It feels easier this way. We didn't know enough about each other to...not become friends?"

Jayce leans on him and he's solid and warm.

"Yeah. Still funny to picture you as a freshman, though. Full on broody mysterious look back then too?"

"No. I did wear whatever my mom got for me back then. Things changed after we started moving. Where you always like this?"

Jayce snorts and pinches his arm. "Like what? Glorious?"

"An insufferable jock," Viktor retorts, nudging Jayce's side with his shoulder, and Jayce lets more of his weight fall on him. "You can try to suffocate me but it will still be true."

"Shut up. And yes, I think I was always...like this. I'm good at looking like I'm good at people, actually very bad at people and at myself, and pretty amazing at pretending that I know what I'm doing. Didn't plan on becoming a jock, though, that kind of just happened."

Viktor takes a deep breath, leaning his own weight against Jayce. People are leaving the field, climbing down the bleachers, chattering away and ignoring them. Jayce feels real and close, and Viktor is drowning in it.

"I hate how much I'm going to miss your pompous ass."

Jayce's laugh rumbles through Viktor's chest.

"God. Yes. Same."

-x-

"And you didn't fucking kiss him?" Vi throws a pillow at him and Jayce doesn't even try to dodge. He deserves it, he's an idiot. "He tells you that he's going to miss you looking into the horizon and you stay there and do nothing."

"No, of course I didn't. He was having an open and vulnerable moment with me, that would have been nasty."

Vi grabs another pillow and screams into it.

"I cannot believe this sense of honor you've grown in like a week."

Jayce starts pacing around his room for lack of a better thing to do, and dodges the other Pillow that Vi throws his way.

"Vi, please. It's hard enough as it is, it was not right," she heaves a sigh and jumps off the bed, hopefully leaving the pillows alone.

"Okay. Alright. Fine. Do it your way, Jayce, but it's going to take forever and a bit. Why don't you talk to him?"

"He is very hard to read," Vi quirks an eyebrow. "Okay, fine. He isn't, but he is hard to follow when emotions are in the mix and I don't know if he's straight and he complains a lot about me being overbearing and I'm pretty sure that he has his eyes on that girl from Chem?"

"Oh my God," she kicks his shin, not hard enough to hurt but he gets the message. "Who are you and what have you done with Jayce?"

"I don't know. I'm insecure on the inside, whatever."

"Don't you lie to me, that's a lie. You know that you are pretty, it's your mouth that's the problem," Jayce pouts, but she hushes him. "You care, I get that. You don't wanna fuck up, but is it really worth the misery?"

No idea.

He only has a couple of months left with them. It's either talking to Viktor and risking those months being awkward or Viktorless, or doing nothing and letting his crush die. There's no good option. Viktor being into him is almost impossible as far as he knows, no matter how pretty he is.

It's a mess.

He hates it.

His phone buzzes and of course it's Christine asking if he's gonna get to the student council meeting or not.

"Vi, listen. I've got a meeting about fucking prom now. We'll...talk about this. Later. I'll do something. I don't know what yet, but I will."

She glares at him, arms crossed. "I sure hope you do."

He does, too.

-x-

Viktor leaves his pen on his desk and looks down at his notebook with satisfaction. It's full of complex diagrams that Jayce gets but that he's amazed that Vitkor knows at all, and when Jayce glances at him he finds his eyes already on him.

"What do you think about that?" he asks, a smile softening his sharp features. "This scholarship is easy come easy go, looks high level enough for you?"

Jayce grabs the notebook and scans the diagrams. He can recognize the skeleton for a full on robotic construction, and notes about the possible development of an AI. Impressive.

"It is. And if it's high level enough for me, it should be for anyone."

"So humble," says Viktor, with a smirk, and Jayce leaves the notebook where it was and flips him the bird. "How's prom going?"

Jayce grimaces. "Almost done, thankfully. Only last minute things left."

"It'll be over by Sunday. You going?"

"Don't think so, didn't get asked to," he laughs, and Viktor makes a face but doesn't further comment. "It's fine. I don't really want to go. Nothing good can come out of prom."

Viktor's hair is a mess and Jayce wants to run his fingers through it.

Focus.

"You have very strong opinions against prom for a prom king," Viktor turns on his chair and smiles, and Jayce snorts.

"We've been warned against it, I'm just being cautious," he reasons, and Viktor's awful dry laugh makes him feel like screaming. "Are you going?"

Viktor shrugs. "I don't think so. Nobody asked me to go with them, and it will be too crowded."

"Do you want to go with me?" Jayce says, and immediately wants to kick himself in the teeth for lacking impulse control and self-preservation.

Viktor blinks at him, stunned. "You want to go with me."

"Yes," he answers, before he chickens out, and Viktor frowns.

"Why?"

Really? Is that honestly going to be his reaction to Jayce being a dumbass and asking him to prom? Jayce laughs, surprised, caught out of his element. He's not good at this. He sucks. Why did he do this.

"Why not," it's a good an answer as any. But it is...lacking. "We could have fun."

"Okay. Fine. Pick you up at seven?" Viktor says, voice steady and fierce eyes set on Jayce's, and Jayce can feel his heart trying to beat its way out of his chest.

"Sure."

-x-

Viktor calls him the day before prom, panicking, and Jayce almost starts begging him not to ditch him right there on the spot before Viktor tells him that he doesn't own a single suit.

"Not one. Suit jackets, sure. Full suits? No," Viktor sighs, Jayce wills his own breathing to settle after almost going into full panic mode himself. "Are jeans fine? Why do I care so much about this?"

Jayce smiles and leaves his cup of coffee on the kitchen counter. "Relax. Jeans are fine, I'll wear jeans too. I'll wear my fucking letterman jacket if it makes you feel any better."

"It would, actually. I mean, if you don't care. You must have suits, you are the jock of the century."

"One. Wore it to my aunt's wedding," not having to wear it again is a relief. It was uncomfortable and made Jayce feel like he was playing dress up. "I'll go jock-casual, you can do formal-goth."

Viktor's amused snort makes him almost drop his phone. "Sure. It'll be interesting. See you tomorrow."

He hangs up on Jayce and he stares right there, in the kitchen, looking down at his coffee unable to wipe the grin off his face.

-x-

Formal-goth does sound like a bad joke, but he looks at himself in the mirror and has to admit that it's not half bad. Black, smart enough to pass as proper prom attire but casual enough to be comfortable. Viktor checks himself one last time, takes a deep fortifying breath, and leaves his house to pick Jayce up.

He's not sure what Jayce's deal is. If this is a pity date, he might just be sad enough to accept it. If it's a platonic deal, he'll go along with it and bury his feelings for Jayce deep down inside himself where they belong. Those are the only two options he's considered, the only ones that feel reasonable and possible.

Viktor scowls at his hands, trembling on the steering wheel, as he waits for Jayce to get in the car. It's fine. He's going to be okay. It's not as if Jayce is going to declare him prom king and drop a bucket full of pig blood of his head. No serial killers on the loose. No zombies. Vi and Jayce aren't prone to popular kids high school drama.

It will be okay.

Jayce climbs into the car and Viktor looks at him, smiling at Viktor with his letterman jacket on, and it won't be okay. Viktor can feel his eyes on him, and he shifts in his seat.

"Cool look," he says, smirking, and Viktor groans and starts driving to avoid spilling his guts in his car. "Vi doesn't know we're going. She's gonna yell at us, you've been warned."

Vi does yell at them when they get to the high school gym. She hits Jayce, too, and Viktor winces because that did sound like it hurt.

"You assholes could have at least told me that we were doing casual and I wouldn't have even tried to get my ass inside this suit," to be fair, it's very classy. Black and white, a perfect fit. "Stay here. I'll get Caitlyn."

She storms off and Jayce leans into him. Viktor shoves his hands in his pockets.

"I told you, didn't I," he can smell his expensive cologne and it's ridiculous, how emotional it makes him. "What do you think about the setup?"

Viktor looks around.

It's everything he was expecting. Loud music, dim lights, neon colors, people dancing to the beat. Smiles and drinks. A crowd that makes him feel like sinking down into the floor and never coming out again.

That aside, it's great. It's what prom is supposed to be.

"It's cool," he says, raising his voice over the music, and when he looks at Jayce he's beaming. "Good job, paved the way nicely."

Jayce laughs. Viktor can't hear it, but he can see it and it makes his stomach twist. "Shut up. I'm just happy everyone seems to be having a good time. It's not my scene, though."

Viktor looks at his profile as Jayce surveys the dance floor. He seems so focused, but so detached. This is his job, not something he's meant to enjoy.

Jayce hooks an arm over his shoulders and his thought process dies.

"Wanna go somewhere else? I know that we just got here but I can't stop thinking about what I should've done better organizing this stupid thing."

Viktor nods. "Sure. What about Vi, though?"

"She'll yell at me a bit tomorrow but she'll have fun without us. Come on."

He follows Jayce out, still with his arm around his shoulders, and wonders about the possibilities he considered. Jayce has taken him to prom. As what? He does not know. A friend? Jayce's fingers grace his nape and Viktor shivers and starts to have doubts, but hoping is a big no in his book. Hoping only brings trouble.

Viktor takes a steadying breath once they get in the car, closes his eyes, and opens them to look at Jayce as he checks his hair on the mirror.

"Where to?"

"Wherever."

Viktor snorts, dubious. "You serious?"

Jayce turns and holds his gaze as he says yes.

-x-

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Fucking stupid idiot.

Jayce had to go and make this platonic-prom-date very not platonic. He had to get close to Viktor and make him drive them somewhere. Wherever. Like in a bad cheesy movie.

He's so screwed. He bites his lip, his heart pounding against his ribcage and his feelings all over the place.

Viktor stops the car, and Jayce looks up and sees nothing but stars.

"You said wherever," Viktor says, voice low but firm. "This is the quieter place I know in town."

Out of the car, Jayce takes a deep breath. He looks at Viktor by his side, and is about to tell him everything, just be done with it, when Viktor turns and pins him in place with a glare.

"What is this all about?" he asks. "Because I can't stand tiptoeing around things like this and I'd rather be clear with you than keep on dodging the subject."

Jayce swallows.

"I..."

"I'm not done," Viktor sits on the pavement, and Jayce does the same. He isn't looking at him, but he looks furious and determined. Jayce swallows around a knot in his throat. "I have a crush on you. It's awful. I hate it. And I need to know if this is like a friendly outing to you, because we are sitting here under the fucking stars and it's-"

Jayce kisses him. It's only a peck but it seems to stun Viktor into silence and Jayce himself isn't sure about the next step to take.

He should say something.

"It's not a friendly outing," he says, bewildered, and Viktor grabs Jayce's face with his hands and frowns. "I mean, it can be if that's what you want bu-"

Viktor grabs him by the ears and tugs at him, and Jayce lets himself get dragged into a kiss. He pushes his fingers into Viktor's hair and smiles when Viktor pulls back and their lips brush together.

"Formal-goth looks good on you," Jayce whispers, and revels in the feeling of Viktor's laughter tickling his lips.

-x-

Vi yells at them for ditching her at prom, then hugs them both so hard that Viktor feels his back pop.

-x-

It's graduation day and Viktor's phone wakes him up at eight am with a text from Jayce.

Jayce: u ready for a tear fest? <3

He snorts, still half asleep, even though he isn't ready for a tear fest at all, and calls Jayce instead of texting back.

"Do you even know what time it is?"

"Time to face our bright future," Jayce says, upbeat, and Viktor groans.

"What about our shaky, tear ridden, present?"

Jayce laughs, with a warmth that makes Viktor smile despite himself.

"We'll deal with that as it comes, one step at a time."

#League of Legends #Viktor the Machine Herald #jayce #jayceviktor #fic #viktor league of legends #one million shrugging emojis

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ice-daddy-vitya · 8 years ago

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“We’re afraid he isn’t going to make it”

Oh boy, Here we go~ You asked for this one. Writing Prompt that was supposed to be published yesterday for Writing Promt Wednesday but WTTM happened and i’m still deceased but WHATEVER ALSO AUTHORS NOTE: Sorry to the anon who sent this that it took me so long to reply! I wanted to write you a good fic because this is a killer of a prompt. (I didn’t mean that as a pun but oops?)

Potential angst under the cut -

“YUURI!!!” The name fell off of Viktor’s tongue, broken and screamed out through a gutteral cry so sharp that it pierced right through the ears of everyone around him. “YUURI! YUURI! FUCK- Someone, anyone, help him!” It was like a bad dream. No - a nightmare. He didn’t know how or when it happened. All he did know was at this moment, his vision was blurred, a mixture of white and red. His eyes burned from the tears that threatened to never cease falling down his face, and in his arms was the limp, unconscious body of his fiancé, Yuuri Katsuki. The love of his life was currently out cold, and bleeding from his skull. “Viktor, the ambulance is here for him. You have to let him go. The paramedics need to take him to the hospital.” The voice sounded far away, but Viktor recognized it as coming from Yuri Plisetsky. The tone was unusually soft for the normally aggressive young man, but VIktor didn’t have time to think about anything at the moment other than the fact that his last words to Yuuri were, “You’re not trying hard enough!” How could he have been so heartless? To scold Yuuri like that, leading to them arguing about the minor, insignificant details of Yuuri’s program. Of all the things that he could have said, of all the things he could have done... This was all his fault... ‘This is all my fault... If I hadn’t pushed him so hard, If i’d have listened more... maybe... maybe then he would have, he would have never-’ “VIKTOR!” The familiar voice interrupted his thoughts again. And at hearing it, Viktor snapped back from his regret to his nightmarish reality. A stunned, doe like gaze staring out at the blonde who was currently trying to walk Viktor to the side of the rink, and off of the ice. And Viktor complied, following behind him in an almost trance-like state. But, wait... “Wh- When did they take Yuuri?” Viktor managed to ask. He didn’t dare say anything else, since he didn’t trust his own voice at the moment. “About twenty minutes ago.” Yuri sighed, crossing his arms in front of him as he stood close beside where Viktor sat. “They took him to Leningrad*. He’s in good hands, Viktor. We just have to wait-” “I WANT TO SEE HIM NOW!” Viktor choked out loudly through a sob, his face falling into his hands as he curled in on himself where he sat on the bench. “I- I need to see him. Yuri... Please... I’ll never forgive myself if, if anything happens to him.. I mean, shit, something already happened to him... Just, please...” Yuri had never seen Viktor like this before. The normally confident and prideful man was completely broken. So, he didn’t even speak. Instead, he just grabbed Viktor’s hand, tugging him to stand up. “Come on. Get out of your skates and I’ll take you. And go wash your face... I know you’re upset, Viktor, but you need to get a hold of yourself if we’re going to go see him. Okay?” At hearing that, Viktor nodded, and the moment they were ready, Yuri led Viktor into a cab and out towards the hospital.

“We’re sorry, Viktor... We don’t think he’s going to make it...” The words replayed in his head so many times since he’d left the conversation earlier that evening with Yuuri’s doctor. It had been two days since Yuuri had been admitted into the ICU. Almost three, now. Viktor was practically living in Leningrad hospital at this point. He stayed by Yuuri’s side from the exact minute visiting hours opened to the very last moment before he had to be forcefully removed by security after closing time. Yuuri had, for the most part, stabilized. The bleeding had stopped, and any major swelling had managed to be controlled. There was no visible brain damage, and although his vitals were a bit worrying, they were, for the most part, steady. However, for whatever reason, Yuuri just wouldn’t wake up. And the thought that Yuuri might never wake up, scared Viktor out of his mind. “Don’t worry, lyubov moye. I’m not going anywhere...” He whispered the words with a hope that they would reach Yuuri, even though he wasn’t awake to acknowledge them. He had been sitting at his love’s bedside for what felt like hours, and probably had been, given by the fact that there was no longer visible sunlight outside the hospital room window. Viktor had to admit, though. He was grateful. The room was surrounded in bright bouquets of flowers. Cards and well wishes from family and friends and even complete strangers who had heard of Yuuri’s accident out on the ice days before filled the entire room. Yuuri was surrounded in a sea of love and support, even if he wasn’t aware of it. Yuuri’s family had even flown out to remain at his bedside as well, with Mari hanging around the longest, and helping Viktor with whatever he needed. And it helped - it truly did - having the support of others around. But right now, Viktor was alone. Alone with the one thing in his life he couldn’t afford to lose... “Yuuri...” He whispered, resting his head on the pillow, close to his fiancé’s face. “I’m sorry, Yuuri. I’m never going to push you like this again. I promise, okay? Just.. please... I know this is so selfish to ask but- please, don’t leave me. Please, please... wake up...” In the silence of the room, Viktor wept. He wept as he held Yuuri close, with the only other sounds coming from the idle beep of the heart monitor, his only indication that Yuuri was still alive, and the slow, humming churn of the IV drip. Yuuri didn’t wake up that night.

Almost two full weeks had gone by. And Viktor was adamant. The doctor’s told him, repeatedly, “If he hasn’t woken up yet, we don’t know if he ever will.” They asked him, tried their best to force him to consider alternatives. To think of his own future as well as the future of those involved in his life... But Viktor didn’t care. Not about anyone, or anything. No one. Right now, only Yuuri mattered. His fiancé was stable. His heart rate had normalized. His blood pressure had come back to a decent range. His cheeks had color. The swelling was practically down to a small bump, now. Viktor knew better than to give up. Yuuri wouldn’t have given up on him, and he owed his love that same respect. So he pressed on. He continued to stay with Yuuri day in and day out. The occasional company of Yuri, or Mari, or Hiroko and Toshiya joining him. Of course, it was always spent in silence. With the only words being the ones that Viktor spoke to Yuuri. He talked to him a lot. Made sure to keep Yuuri updated on everything going on in the world and with their friends and family. Trying his best to maintain some normalcy and knowing that somehow, Yuuri could hear him. “... and Yurio almost managed land a quad flip in practice yesterday! You would have been so proud if you’d seen him, Yuuri. I have video to show you, once you wake up. His landing was a bit unsteady, but he’s improving in ways you wouldn’t believe!” Viktor sighed, glancing up at the clock on the wall. The time was a bit after 1pm. It was just him, now. Mari had gone to get lunch for herself and her parents, and even though she’d tried her best to, Viktor wouldn’t budge to join them. He’d eat later. His hunger was the least important thing on his mind, right now. He would stay with Yuuri until the end of time, if he had to. Or, at least until the end of tonight. But even then, Yuuri still didn’t wake up.

“I brought Makkachin to see you today.” Viktor spoke softly, with said poodle currently napping on an unclaimed part of Yuuri’s cot, laid out at his feet. “It took a lot of begging, and a bit of bribery, but he’s here. He’s missed you. A full month without you at home has been stressful to the poor baby...” He laughed weakly, almost forced. There was something different in the way Yuuri looked today. Aside from the fact that he no longer had the contusion on his head, but only a small scar under a bandage. All the bruising had faded. His breathing was light and even, and there was a steady rise and fall to his chest. Viktor also noticed that his heart rate picked up, albeit slightly, every time he spoke. And he thought it was his imagination at first... until he spoke again, and Yuuri’s heart rate picked up the rhythm in his words. “Can... you hear me?” He mused, almost in disbelief. That is, until a small flicker, a twitch, happened itself from Yuuri’s eyelids. “..Y- Yuuri?” BEEP... BEEP... BEEP... Again, the heart monitor indicated a rise in Yuuri’s heart rate. Viktor swallowed thickly, his nerves suddenly feeling on edge. Was he about to- “... Vi...” The voice came so faintly, Viktor almost didn’t catch it. But the moment the sound fell on his ears, his attention was fully on Yuuri. “... Vi... k... Vik...tor?” Weak, breathy, but real. That was Yuuri’s voice. Yuuri was awake. Or... waking up. Viktor didn’t care. This was the first time he was hearing his beloved’s voice in almost a full month. “Yuuri!” He let out through a choked gasp, tears threatening to fall down his face. But he tried his best to keep it together, for Yuuri’s sake. “Yuuri... I’m here. Shh... I’m here, my love. Don’t worry, I’m here.” He considered, for a moment, running to get the doctor. But he couldn’t bring it in him to leave Yuuri’s side. Not right now. Not when his fears were finally being put to rest. “...Vik...tor...” Yuuri repeated, his eyes fluttering slowly, slightly, opening up to stare at the man sitting beside him. “... Viktor... where... is this... am I.. hospital?” His voice lilted as if to ask it as a question. Clearly not remembering anything after his accident. Viktor reached forward to take Yuuri’s hand, squeezing it gently. “Yes, my love. You had an accident. We’re in the hospital. But you’re fine, I promise. Please, rest, alright? Don’t push yourself. I’m here with you, and nothing bad is going to happen to you. Never again...” Viktor’s breath caught on those last words, still blaming himself for Yuuri even being in this mess to begin with.

If he hadn’t pushed... If he hadn’t yelled... if he’d just, stopped and thought for once instead of simply speaking... then maybe... maybe none of this would have- “... Vitya... You’re thinking too much...” Yuuri’s voice sounded clearer, although still very soft, and dry. But his eyes were open, and they were staring up at Viktor with... was that, a smile? And Viktor felt a hand, light and unsteady, caressing his face. Wiping away tears he hadn’t realized he’d been crying. And they only fell harder as he turned, pressing his lips to the inside of Yuuri’s palm. Holding his hand to his mouth and kissing Yuuri’s skin over and over again. “I know...” Viktor let out through a sob. “I know... I just... if I hadn’t... then you wouldn’t... God, Yuuri... I’m so sorry...”

“Don’t...” Yuuri spoke, that same angelic smile on his face. “...Please, Vitya... just... stay here, with me?” Viktor took a deep, slow breath, calming himself and nodding in response. Yuuri was right. There was no use dwelling on the ‘could ofs’ and ‘should ofs’, when they were here. Now. Together. And Yuuri was awake, and healthy. “Always, my love. And I’ll never, ever leave...” At hearing Yuuri’s voice, Makkachin woke up. And he, in too much excitement for a dog his age, bounded atop the still half dazed Yuuri, who could only weakly laugh as the poodle licked his face. “Makkachin? Viktor... Do I want to know how you managed to smuggle our dog into the hospital?” Viktor just laughed, shrugging his shoulders with a sheepish expression on his face. He’d never tell Yuuri how he traded every gold medal he owned just to bribe the doctors to let him stay in the room with Yuuri, and bring the poodle in. But, gold medals didn’t matter anymore. What mattered now, was that life could finally return to how things were meant to be. Yuuri made it after all.

#yuri on ice #yoi #fanfic #fic #yuri!!! on ice #writing prompt #writing wednesday #sushi writes #drabble #ANGST #tw: angst #cw: angst #BUT IT HAS A HAPPY ENDING #angst with a happy ending #Viktor Nikiforov #Yuuri Katsuki

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lolsmurfaccounts · 7 years ago

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Most Bizarre League of Legends Puns of 2018

When it comes to coming up with jokes and puns, League of Legends players cannot be outclassed by anyone. There are lots of different types of puns out there especially, so we have gone through the internet with a fine-toothed comb to find the most bizarre, the funniest and the best. These are definitely not the only puns out there for LOL. There are enough of them that you could fill up an entire series of encyclopedias and still need more room.

But these are definitely some of the best ones out there. We’ve also divided them up into eight different categories so that you can choose the ones that you like the best. Some of these are great, some of them are so bad they’re good, but they are all worth reading. Let’s get started.

When Forum Users Are Asked for League of Legends Puns

The first category that we’ve chosen is simply the one showcasing the responses that come when League of Legends players are asked to come up with puns. There are quite a few that have been bandied around the internet for a long time, but what is surprising is that many users are able to come up with some of the funniest puns out there right on the fly.

Part of that is being inspired by the post above you, but some of them are so truly original that all you can do is upvote the post and laugh to yourself. Here is exactly what happens when LOL players are asked to post their best puns in a forum.

I could tell you a zilean of them but I could not be bothered

I’m sure Ziggs would have a blast making some dynamite puns on this thread. Surprised this thread hasn’t exploded with more replies!

Jarvan puns would be Exemplar-y.

Urgot to be kidding me, these jokes are Tibbersable. Half of them are Ireliavent.

C’MON post more!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t want to have posted this thread in vayne.

I don’t Evelyn know what to post…

Dat Ashe

Need to post it in my new twitcher account

My brain Ziggs and Zaggs trying to think of more. I’ve come to think that coming up with a good one is just Lux. Post more pl0x!

Well i think im pretty VIKTORious when thinking up lol puns

Fizz decided to take mid-lane for the halibut.

Yall can follow this horrible thread to your graves

Knock knock. Udyr?

Volibear: Hmm… You might be expecting some un-bear-able pun. I’m going to tear the enemy apart with my bear hands!

Karma is a *****.

Wow let me Ashe you guys a question; what kind of twist of fate put us all here ? Is there Annie answer for that question?

Go Diana fire.

If I post in this thread while in my car, does it could as texting while Draven?

Oh, god why Zyra want to communicate with me using a thornmail im gonna leaf her alone

Kayle yourself.Go Diana hole.This thread isnt really Nasus ary.

We Kennen this right now.

I managed to get away with it though, so at least my efforts weren’t in Vayne.

Alright, this is getting Downright Darius, so I’m gonna leave. (Your leaver status has risen to 1)

The Chinese was A.K.A. Li.

An enemy has been sWain.

Viktor-y.

Gankplank.

Masteryies.

Jokes? I got a Zilean of them!

Urgot to be kidding me!

Annieways, let’s start!

Hey, Anniebody home?

Could i ashe you a question?

TIME to win the Euro Zileans!

Stupid people! They are Phreaking me out, man!

Sivir me Tibbers!

You ** Ashe hole!

I wish you good Lux.

This will work, i Garen-tee!

That TANK will RAMM-US!

This left me SIVIRly disappointed.

Well, that was a nice Twist of Fate.

Annie is pretty hot.

Ashe is cool, but Kayle is divine.

Irelia don’t know what you’re talking about…

Pfft, Lee sin to reason.

Ryze and shine.

Your digging your own Graves.

Udyr challenge me?

Seems like bad Miss Fortune to me.

Dont get Corki.

Cho´gath! Eat my Fizz.

I Garen-tee that you will lose.

All hail the glorious Chairman Maokai.

Man i miss-clicked becouse of thar Twitch.

Maan, you could hear that Ziggsplosion from miles.

I-realy need a nerf mor my W.

Want to get out of elo hell? You gotta Ryze to the occasion.

how do you Darius that computer when I’m not home?

Sona we are doing these puns again…

Vi must stop with the puns!

Long-Form League Puns

Most of the puns out there are really short one-liners. But then we came across people that really must have thought about the puns that they were going to create and then worked to turn all of the puns that they came up with into a coherent paragraph. That was extremely impressive, and it took a great deal of work, so we thought that they deserved their own category.

That’s why we have listed these long-form puns below, so that you can appreciate them in all of their glory – as well as their corniness – by themselves. These are truly the best of the long-form puns. Whoever came up with these should be proud of their work, and if you search for them, you will be able to find the original posts yourself.

Okay… Are you guys for ez-real? This has been done to death, and I Garen-tee that Annie of the puns Urgot have already been used. I mean, there’s a Zilean possibilities, and I’m not just triforcing to get a Ryze out of you, I’m being sincere. Stop with the puns. They’re lane.

This is really lane. Some of you champs needs to Ryze to the occasion. Anivia would have thought this thread would be reborn again. Seriously Brolafs? I feel like I’m going to go berserk if I don’t see some more puns here. I never Everlynn would have thought my hate would have spiked towards you guys like this. It just makes me twitch. I think I’m done with this post, before my endless rage ignited again, I need someone to come stand united with me. I think we’re all on the same team fights here. Bye!!!

But on the other hand, I asked my girlfriend and she said Shyvana keep on making up LoL puns. She thinks they’re a Riot. I swear, she has a Renekton of them. Speaking of my girl, she’s more of just a friend. Our parents just tried to Rammus together. (She’s a Phreak sometimes though, if you know what i mean) But i still Twitch when i think of her in Amumu. Enough of her though. That was irrEvelynnt.

I accidentally Draven to an old lady crossing the street today. But killing is a BIG Nunu, so THERE’s some bad Karma for you. I was scared so i took the body to a river (I didn’t want her to Ryze from the dead)

I Garentee these puns are not funny, I heard a Zilean of them but I always Zed they aren’t funny, in fact, it Lux like they are Aatroxiously not funny. They are Anniething but new, so atleast please make Brand new funny jokes or Elise people will downvote you

LOL Puns So Bad They’re Good

While compiling the puns for this article, we came across lots of bad ones. Some were just bad so they were chucked out, while others were so bad that we couldn’t bear to discard them. They are like some old horror movies – they are so awful, so terribly bad that they are actually good. It is a fine line when something surpasses that mark, but just take a look at these and see if you don’t agree that they need their own cult following.

These so-bad-they-are-good puns are going to make you groan, but you will also remember them later and hopefully, if we have done our job well, they will elicit a chuckle, even against your own better judgment.

I hate Vladimir, he really sucks…

i wouldnt mind these threads if the puns were at least thresh.

OMG that pentakill was Kata-strophic!

I told you not to steal that blue from our AP carry, and now you got killed, it was all bad Karma.

What’s the holdup? Why Ahri waiting?

I ain’t ‘Cho b***h!

Annie’d blue!

Put on some pants. I can see your Ashe.

They need to rename Brand to “Bland”…

Elise you get an assist..

Sometimes I wish this game Ezreal

All this hype is turning out to Fizz!

He needs a Graves because I just destroyed him!

Irelia think this is a bad idea.

Top Ten League of Legends Puns

Okay, so there had to be a best of category. There are a lot of puns out there, and it is really difficult to narrow the thousands that we went through to find the best. However, these are the top ten of the League of Legends puns that we could find on the internet.

You may not agree that these are the best ever (and it is quite possible that there are many that we failed to unearth in our research) but you will almost certainly agree that they are among the best and that they deserve their own category here.

These are the top League of Legends puns, which encompass the really clever, the original and the simply so-true-they-are-funny categories. Let’s take a look at the top ten.

Malphite is once stoned again.

If you’re going to put a blind person in charge of your lottery like Lee Sin you’re going to Miss Fortune.

Teemo and Cho’Gath walk into a bar.. only one of them got hit.

Q: What do you call a Bronze team with Dr. Mundo, Nurse Akali, Surgeon Shen, Kennen M.D., and Soraka? A: Doctors Without Borders.

They should make a League of Legends Broadway show about “Playing Under No Sight” (PUNS). It’d be a play on wards.

If Quinn kills Lucian, is it a hate crime or is it fowl play?

A guy playing top lane, hit 7/7/7; announced in all chat he’d hit the jaxpot.

If I ever achieve 0/0/7 on a support, I steal the next kill. If I get called out on it, I respond ‘license to kill’.

U Vlad bro?

Example of OP Shaco: JAX in the box.

Hilarious Puns from LOL

Sometimes, puns just make you laugh out loud. This is a highly subjective matter, because what is funny (or punny) to one person, might not be to another. So, these might not be as hilarious for you as they were for us. But if you can relate to them, then we’ll bet that they are going to make you laugh out loud as well. Sometimes, the most hilarious ones were the ones that you least expected, and that’s part of what is included here.

But sometimes, it was originality, or a twist on an old pun that was extremely clever. In any case, they are all terrific puns that deserve to be showcased. There aren’t very many of them, because most of the best ones from this category were placed into the top ten instead. Enjoy the few that are here though because they are great too.

Teammate intercepts Caitlyn’s ult right before it hits you, your reaction: “TANK you!”

Undead scientist: SION-tist.

So, there I was eating chicken and Ryze. But it was disgusting, so i threw it in the Thresh.

LOL Puns Straight from the Champion’s Mouth

What about puns that come straight from the champion’s mouths themselves? We found a few of those and they were really funny. They might have been just as funny if someone had else been saying them as well, but the fact that you could imagine your champion saying them was what really distinguished them from the pack. With some champions, you know their personalities so well that you simply can imagine them saying such a terribly funny thing or making a terrific pun.

The creators of these puns knew those champions as well as you and us do, and that’s why we have put them into their own category. These puns are all straight from the mouth of the champion that they are about or are referring to in some way.

Ryze: “Take this scroll and stick it… somewhere safe”

Karthus talking with Anivia: “Do you… feel a chill?”

The mighty Ymir once said: “2 Mushrooms sit in a closet. One tells the other: “There’s not mushroom in here”

Master Yi: “Wuju pass me that potion?”

Rammus: “OK.”

Vayne: “Evil Lux around every corner.”

LeBlanc: “Lux can be deceiving.”

Zilean: “Your TIME has come.”

Garen: “Shut up, we’re losing TIME now….”

Do you even Rift bro? -Kassadin

League Puns in Terrible Taste

Okay, so the fact is, there are some League of Legends jokes out there that are really in terrible taste. For example, there is a joke about Americans not being very good at LOL because they cannot defend their towers. That joke is still unfunny to most Americans so we have not showcased it here. We have also decided to skip the ones that glorify awful things like rape. You might be surprised how many of the puns out there in terrible taste that we simply decided to skip.

But there are also puns that are in terrible taste that are still pretty funny. We think that those puns deserve to be recognized, but that they should come with a warning label so that everyone knows what to expect before they read them. That’s why they have been placed here into their own category.

If you’re swapping main champions; never go from Ashe to Malph.

Why does no one like Annie lategame? Because she’s 18.

Q: What do you call a toxic Thresh that just whiffed his ult? A: A dick in The Box.

Q & A League of Legend Punnery

Finally, we have a category of puns that are sort of Q and A jokes. Most of the good Q & A jokes we came across were included in another chapter of this book. So, we didn’t find very many that were worth including here in this category. However, there were a few and they definitely deserve to be recognized for their originality and hilarity.

These are not usually classified as puns, since they are mostly in joke format, but the pun was there in each of them. Let’s take a look at some of the Q & A puns that we found.

Q: How do you know Alistar is dyslexic?

A: He always goes oom!

What do you do to a toxic Zyra? Repot them.

Q: What do you say when you unintentionally outplay your opponent as Zyra?

A: All plant.

Q: How long does it take to save up enough money for Locket?

A: Aegis

Q: What is the Undead Juggernaut’s religion?

A: Siontology

Q: What do you call it when renekton rushes a chain vest?

A: An In-vest-igator!

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poisonappletales · 6 years ago

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Upcoming Valentine Event

Hello, everyone! Good evening from here.

Hope you’ve all been doing well! January is almost over, so do you know what that means? Valentine’s Day is coming soon.

I’ve got two special events in store. The first one is an old tradition - give a Valentine and receive one back on White Day! The second is a Host Event. I’ll go into more detail on that later.

Here’s how this Valentine tradition works:

1) Make a Valentine.

It can be a card like this, an audio piece like so, a drawing - or anything else outside the box! Just keep it PG-13 and clean. Here’s a full list of previous Valentines (along with the men’s accompanying replies).

2) Give your Valentine to one of the men (or women) from any of our games (i.e. Don’t Take This Risk or Beauty and the War).

The webtoon’s included. You can give a Valentine to multiple characters if you so wish! (This is Girl x Boy and Boy x Girl, so if you give a Valentine to a man, he’ll treat you as a woman and vice versa.)

To give us a Valentine, there are several ways to do this. Make a post on tumblr and tag us. E-mail us at [poisonappletales(at)gmail(dot)com]. Send us a tweet. As long as we know where it is and where to find it, then it’s all good!

You can do this from now until February 18, 2019.

3) Get a Valentine back about a month later!

This is based off Japan’s practice of White Day. (Please note that Virgo Island natives don’t actually have a White Day. I personally find it to be an interesting tradition...and it gives me time to make the replies.)

Now for the very special Host Event ♥:

This will take place on our fair and lovely Discord!

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’m going to hop online on select days and roleplay as one of my men, who will woo every lady online like he’s your boyfriend/host. That’s the concept of a host club (from Japan) - handsome men catering to your needs and being a perfectly loving beau.

Now, I don’t have time to roleplay every single one of my characters, so I’m going to do a select few. I asked my patrons who they wanted this Valentine’s Day, and here are the three they chose:

King Barium

“A fine choice - one you won’t regret. I know how to treat a woman like the beautiful princess she is.”

As the one who came in last place for the War: Valentine Edition poll, King Barium was a surprising request! But as the owner of a harem, he’s more than qualified to be your host...

Love Style: Indulgent, smooth and flirty.

Arsenik of the Hulder

“It’ll be my pleasure to serve you. But...wait - I’m supposed to see every single woman there as my beloved? I’m not entirely sure how to make that work. When I love someone, she has my heart entirely. There’s no room for anyone else.”

[The corner of his lips quirks up with a hint of amusement. Jestingly:] “Am I supposed to imagine each one as a duplicate of the other? This will prove to be quite interesting...” [Chuckling:] “If I’m there to entertain, I’ll certainly make quite the spectacle of myself!”

Like Arsenik said, he’ll have to think about how to make this work, but he’ll do his best to please you. He’s an intelligent man, so he’ll figure it out.

Love Style: Devoted, attentive and sweet. Shyer than he looks.

Unknown

“Ooh, yes. I am the obvious choice, am I not? You know you want me. I know I want you...kihihi! I love you, kittens. ♥”

This host list just wouldn’t be complete without Unknown, would it?

Love Style: Aggressive, sensual and...sensual. All right, he’s also unexpected. Perhaps even dangerous...

Note: When I say “aggressive,” I mean aggressive. He doesn’t always take “no” for an answer, you might notice. If he’s ever making you uncomfortable in the Discord and you want him to back off, just let me know.

You could say, “Hey, Crown Ruler! Get this guy away from me!” or “OOC (out of character): Get him off me!” Anything along those lines will work. Something that tells me you’re serious and not just reacting to the roleplay.

I’ve already told Unknown not to cross the wrong lines while he’s there (and to give no spoilers), but I can’t guarantee he’ll always listen. Still, I will restrain him when needed.

If I do have the time, I’ll bring in some of my other men as well. In which case, here are the possible other hosts who might be there to entertain you:

Chase of the Trold

“Huh? I don’t think anyone would really want me as a...as a ‘host.’ But if I’m there, I’ll do my best to make you happy!”

Love Style: Friendly, awkward and cheerful. You might say he’s a little like the boy next door...

Wind of the Imugi

“I don’t care to do this. Find somebody else to waste time with those girls.”

Love Style: Hot and cold. A snarky, arrogant grump. He doesn’t even like this description I’m writing for him.

Night of the Vi

“Why not? I’ve never done something like this before. I like it. Let’s make the most of it.”

Love Style: The bad boy who’s cool, easygoing and fun.

Onyx of the Vi

“Tell me what’s expected of me.”

Love Style: Distant, cold and silent. He doesn’t really have a love style, to be honest.

Viktor of the Hulder

“Oh-ho! A host? I wouldn’t mind trying my hand at that at all. It’ll be nice to get acquainted with other women and make new friends. Well, I know the point of the exercise isn’t to befriend them, but since this isn’t a serious thing, I imagine quite a few friendships could come out of this!

It all depends on who I’m meeting. Hmm? Was I supposed to say something more romantic? I’m not supposed to be promoting myself, am I? I mean, what that war chief - Onyx - said was hardly enticing. Unless there was some sort of double meaning behind it. A hidden innuendo! What a sly man...”

Love Style: Bubbly, outgoing and talkative! As you might have just seen...

X from Prison

“I’m the best out of all these chumps! You see my White Day card up there, baby? It beats all the others - what with its firey burst and everything. Yeah, you know it’s true!

Even if you’re with some other host, I’ll steal you away from him.”

Love Style: He has the X Love Style. I think that’s all that needs to be said.

Now, you might be wondering what days these men will show up in the Discord. I don’t have a complete idea of my February schedule just yet, so what I’m going to do is announce it a few days before each host’s visit.

I can guarantee that I’ll be in the Discord at least three times - once each for King Barium, Arsenik and Unknown as requested by my beloved patrons.

If I find I have the time, I’ll do a spontaneous visit, in which I’d either announce it a few hours before or just jump in without any forewarning. I’ve never done the latter before, except for a beloved patron and friend’s birthday, so I might as well see what’s that like. If I had my schedule set in stone, I probably wouldn’t do this, but it is what it is. As X would say, let’s roll with it.

In the event of a surprise visit, I’ll bring in a different host or one that you request.

So, stay tuned for the date and time of each host’s visit to the Discord! They hope to see you there.

That’s all I have to say about these upcoming Valentine events. I have a lot of things I want to reblog from y’all and asks I want to answer. I appreciate each and every one. I assure you that I’ll get to those as soon as possible!

Before I bring this to an end, here are some fun pre-Valentine “skits.” They’re a mix of sweet and spicy romance with a large helping of comedy. They just happened to spring to mind, so I’m putting them down here!

If you came here solely for details on the Valentine event, feel free to mosey along. Otherwise, if you have some spare time and you want to be amused, read on! Please don’t forget to pay attention to the rating.

Rating: 14+ for very sensual themes and some dubiously consensual things.

Ambrosia’s Host Guide

“Yes, dear? You want me to describe each host’s...love style for everyone?” [chuckling] “I certainly don’t mind. It’s quite nice of these men to devote their time to making others happy.”

King Barium’s Love Style (by Ambrosia): “A natural-born lover. You can be at ease with him. Please feel free to share your thoughts frankly with him. Even if you aren’t interested, he’ll understand and won’t pressure you.”

Arsenik’s Love Style (by Ambrosia): “A true gentlemen and a dutiful warrior! Now, as a gentleman, he feels obligated to accommodate nearly every lady’s request, so please don’t take advantage of him too much. ＾◡＾ ”

Unknown’s Love Style (by Ambrosia): “If you’re interested in him, he’ll surely fly to the moon and back for you! But if you aren’t, please be wary of catching his eye. If you run into any trouble, please seek one of the other hosts or myself to help you.”

Chase’s Love Style (by Ambrosia): “He’s a sweet man, who tries very hard. He’s quite fun to be around with! You’ll surely enjoy your time with him.”

Wind’s Love Style (by Ambrosia): “He can speak sharply, but be patient with him. You might see other sides of him! But if he does get out of hand, please come see me.”

Night’s Love Style (by Ambrosia): “Take my advice: You don’t want this man as your host.”

Onyx’s Love Style (by Ambrosia): “As the war chief, he has a great deal of experience with battles and all things related to them! You can learn a lot from him. Don’t worry - the king won’t allow him to hurt you.”

Viktor’s Love Style (by Ambrosia): “A very sunny man who will make every conversation lively and amusing! He enjoys getting to know others, so don’t hesitate to approach him. Unless you’re from the Trold or the Valkyrie but I doubt you would wish to seek him out then.”

X’s Love Style (by Ambrosia): “Don’t let him intimidate you. Of course, you shouldn’t unnecessarily provoke him either. As a criminal, I don’t think he would hesitate to hurt someone...but please don’t let that scare you! If he’s acting out, please seek one of the other hosts or myself.”

“There we are. I feel like I had to attach quite a few warnings to these descriptions, but these should help anyone seeking a host.”

Q. Ambrosia, which host would you want to spend a night with?

“Eh? We’re not done? Oh, I-I see...”

Prompt: Men, take a turn each trying to convince her to choose you!

“Oh, I’m first? Excellent.

Ambrosia...” [King Barium reaches forward to scoop up her hand.] “Don’t worry. If this is your first time, I’ll be gentle.”

“Um...”

[The king slips the stalk of a rose between his lips and playfully lifts his eyebrows a few times.]

“What are you doing?” [Snarling, Wind shoves King Barium away from her.]

“Ambrosia, you obviously want to be with me. Nobody else would take you anyway.”

“Really! This is how you’re acting as a host?”

[Facing towards Wind, Onyx begins to unsheathe his blade.] “Do not touch the king.”

“Now, hold on, Onyx. You’re supposed to convince Ambrosia to choose you first.”

[to Ambrosia:] “We’ll do anything you want for a night.”

[He turns back and begins to approach Wind, who has his claws unfurled.]

“Oh! Sir Onyx, Sir Wind, must you fight?”

“Uh...weren’t we supposed to take turns? It’s not very organized like this...”

“Miss Ambrosia...” [Arsenik’s voice is too quiet to be heard.]

“You know, I would try to convince you, Ambrosia, but I have a feeling you’re already set against me. Even your host description for me was: ‘You don’t want this man.’”

“Then, please don’t even try.”

“Miss Ambrosia...” [His voice is still too low.]

“Ahh...darling~♥.” [Unknown slides an arm around her shoulders.] “I’ll make sure this is a night you never forget. Trust me - you’ll never want it to end, love.”

[With each word, he leans closer and closer to her lips.]

[Pulling back from him, she makes a smile, speaking a bit teasingly:] “...What if I want it to end already?”

“Knock it off, Unknown.

Ambrosia, uh...I don’t know what I’m doing, but I won’t be a creep like some people - honest. But choose whoever you’re comfortable with, okay?”

“Oh, that’s not a bad piece of reverse psychology.”

“I wasn’t trying to do that, Viktor.”

“I know. But you did just that anyway.”

“Huh?”

“M-Miss Ambrosia!”

[His raised voice nearly makes her jump.] “Y-Yes, Sir Arsenik?”

[He smiles in apology.] “Pardon me, Miss Ambrosia. I...well, I suppose my voice kept failing me earlier. I was trying to catch your attention. And now...it seems that words are failing me, heh.”

“I think you’re talking just fine like you always do.”

“You’re much too kind, Miss Ambrosia.” [There they are, falling back to their usual patterns of formality. The gears of his brain are flying into overdrive.] “You should choose me...”

[He trails off. She smiles and nods for him to continue. Staring into her darkly pretty eyes, thoughts escape him for another moment longer.]

“...Forgive me. I can’t think of a single reason why you should. I...” [Arsenik breaks away from her gaze, looking towards the floor.] “...don’t deserve you.”

“Oh, Sir Arsenik...”

“That’s right. You should be with me, princess!”

[With a single motion, he lifts her gasping into his arms.] “Come on. Let’s go.”

“Sir X...if you’re hoping to convince me this way, this is hardly your best effort.”

“Oh, yeah? Always hard to please, ain’t you? Don’t worry. You’ll see I’m not all show when we’re alone tonight.”

[Arsenik moves to stand in his way.] “I don’t believe the lady has said she wanted you.”

“You’re makin’ a mistake, blondie. You really think you can stand up to me?”

[Arsenik’s smile curves with the edges of a smirk.] “Of course.”

“Heh.” [He lowers Ambrosia onto a table behind him.] “Stay here, princess. I’ll come back for ya later.”

“You’re talking like both the hero and the villain. I hardly know which one you mean to play.”

“What are you talking about? You know you want me...” [His voice drops to a whisper as his smile falls away for a moment.] “...right?”

[As X turns back towards Arsenik, Viktor steps up to her.]

“Are you comfortable sitting on the table like that? He really is some kind of brute. He ought to know better than to give a lady an inappropriate ‘chair’ like that. Let me help you off and find you a better place to sit.”

“I feel like I should make my choice soon to put an end to all this. What a strange exercise we’re undergoing!”

“Haha! Indeed. But let me make my appeal to you first, if I may.

Miss Ambrosia...” [He falls silent for a few beats. She waits patiently as he takes in a deep breath before uttering his next words.] “I’ll...I’ll make you feel good!”

“Hmm?” [She didn’t know what answer to expect from him, but it certainly wasn’t this.]

“I...I won’t make you feel uncomfortable. If you are, simply tell me and I’ll stop. No, I think I’ll know without you even needing to say anything. You’ve always been wonderfully expressive, and I admire that. I’ll treat you well and set the mood just as you like it.

Do you fancy candlelight? Perhaps, flower petals? I can certainly decorate the bedroom with such things. Whatever is to your liking!”

“The...the bedroom?” [Her face flushes crimson.]

[There’s a blush on Viktor’s cheeks as well, but he keeps going.] “I’ll truly savor a night with you, Miss Ambrosia. I...I know you’re delicate, so I won’t be rough. I mean, unless you want it that way, but since you’ve never done it before, I think that’s something you would have to build up to, if you so desire.

Not that I’m saying you aren’t strong in your own way, Miss Ambrosia! Yes, I’ve always known you to have a fair strength of character. But what I mean is that your constitution isn’t...well, I don’t think it’s meant for rough handling -”

“Um...Sir Viktor...”

“- or throwing around or pounding, you know? So, I won’t do any of those things or have any unreasonable expectations of you. I’ll treat you tenderly and ensure that you enjoy it.”

[Farther back, Unknown tosses his head back in a laugh.] “Gyahaha...!”

“S-Sir Viktor...can I...ah, I’d like to ask you something.”

“By all means, ask away. Is there something you’re confused about?”

“Yes. I mean - Sir Viktor...I’m not sure what kind of lady you think I am, but I’m surprised by your...very bold intentions, if I should choose to come with you.”

“What do you mean? Oh, was I speaking too frankly? I just wanted to make it clear that I would be a proper lover to you. Was I being insensitive with my choice of words? It’s hard to be otherwise with a matter like this.”

“...I think I’m very disappointed in you, Sir Viktor. Perhaps, I should have attached a warning to your host description, too...!”

“Eh? Miss Ambrosia! Please don’t be upset. I don’t understand what I said to offend you.

You were being asked who you wanted to spend a night with, weren’t you? How else was I supposed to convince you of my eligibility?”

“Sir Viktor! I-I don’t think the question was supposed to be interpreted that way!”

“Really? I thought it was.”

“Oh, so it’s not just me! Kyahaha!”

“It’s totally about doing it, right?”

“You’re just being naïve, Ambrosia.”

“Honestly, the question could go either way, but I wondered how you might perceive it, Miss Ambrosia. In the event that you did choose me, I wasn’t about to force you into anything.”

“Sounds like the general consensus is ‘yes, the question is a naughty one.’ I bet that makes you even more repulsed by me, doesn’t it?”

“Uh, for the record...I wasn’t entirely sure.”

“But you admit it was a possibility.”

“W-Well...I mean, why does it have to be phrased that way?!”

“So, who do you want to sleep with, lovely? It’s me, isn’t it?”

“I...”

“Nah, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. She wants me.”

“How about we hear the answer from her lips first?”

“No need. Her body should tell you the answer.”

“I -”

“But she said it herself, you know. I’m a natural-born lover. That means I have the most experience here.”

“Experience doesn’t always mean better, does it?”

“Hmm...how should I answer that question?”

“W-Well...I don’t know!” [Chase’s face grows as red as a tomato.] “Don’t feelings count for something? That’s more important than...than being experienced and all that. That can come later, can’t it?”

[groans] “Ambrosia, if you don’t spit it out, I’m coming over there.”

“Beat you to it.”

“I refuse to answer this question! It’s completely inappropriate, and I’m shocked by the lengths your minds went. All of you are acting like boys! Men, please grow up - and take a cold bath.”

[She whirls away on her heel and marches away.]

“I-Is she mad?”

“I’d say so. That, and embarrassed - particularly if the blush on her face is any indication. But I suppose it’s only natural for a lady to react in such a way, particularly if she’s...untouched.”

“Let’s end the gossip here. I’ve already known her to be a lady of class. I feel horrible for having upset her...”

“If you ask me, you contributed the least to that. As for me, I think just being here puts her in a bad mood.”

“Actually, Onyx wins out over him. He didn’t say a peep after trying to convince her. Good job, by the way, Onyx.”

“It’s all right. I know she wanted me.”

“Nuh-uh. She’s my woman. That thing about taking a bath? Clearly an invitation for me to join her.”

“I’m fairly certain she wants you to take that bath. Alone.”

“Oh, so now you have your tongue.”

“Certainly. There’s only one woman who turns me into a fool.”

“You think that’s something to be proud about?”

“So, I think we’re done here. It really is a shame we never managed to hear her answer...”

Skit Finale - The Hostess Club

[Bo-Peep pouts and puts her hands on her hips.]“Aww, it’s no fair the boys get to have all the fun.” [Her face lights up.] “We should have our very own Hostess Event!”

“Ooh, ooh! I like it!” [Rosemary clasps her hands against her chest, stars in her eyes.] “Being able to cozy up to all the cute guys...”

“I don’t think it’s such a good idea for you to be involved, Lady Rosemary. You’ll latch onto all of them and never let go.”

“You’re just saying that because you want them all for yourself, Lady Jasmine! You’ll act all nice - smiling, giggling, batting your eyelashes...”

“Excuse me? I am nice.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am. You’re just being a brat.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are!”

[Brooks smirks.]“But ya know, some of the guys that come over won’t always be ‘cute.’”

“W-What?!”

“Uh-huh. Think of someone like Chasey boy coming here for some lovin’!”

[crinkling her nose in disgust]“Ewww!”

[On Brooks’s right, Wildfire rolls her eyes.]“Why are we here again?”

“I dunno. To do somethin’ new? Kyahaha!”

“I’m not here to ‘entertain’ anyone. Boys entertain me.”

“Oh, come on. Be a good sport!”

“Right! Lady Ambrosia, you’ll take care of all the un-cute ones, right?”

“I’ll do all the ones you aren’t willing to service.”

“Pfft!” [Bo-Peep covers her mouth with both hands, trying and failing to stifle her giggles.] “You’ll do them...! Oh, you’ll service them all right...! Heeheehee!”

[smirking] “Doll face walked right into that one.”

“Oh dear...” [Ambrosia shakes her head, smiling.] “Don’t tell me you two are as bad as the men...”

“Huh? Oh, you mean about the whole sleeping-together fiasco?”

“E-Eh? You heard about that already?”

“Well, of course! King Barium tells me everything. So, who would you have picked?”

“We’re not here to talk about that.”

“Aww, why not?”

“We’re trying to set up a hostess event, aren’t we?”

“Not like you’ll all have very many guys with faces like yours.”

“Or yours.”

“I’m just glad I don’t look like you. Besides, I’m not here to play the hostess. I’m just here to laugh at you all.”

“Hyahaha!”

“If you aren’t here to participate, then please excuse us. But I do advise you not to celebrate prematurely.”

[As Wildfire smirks, Jasmine ushers Bo-Peep, Rosemary and Ambrosia away from the Valkyrie. Once they’re out of earshot, she whirls towards them with narrowed eyes.]

“This hostess event has to succeed.”

“Oh, definitely!”

“Uh, that’s a given, isn’t it?”

“You don’t understand. We can’t let those Valkyrie skanks have the last laugh. You don’t want that, do you?”

“Of course not!”

“No way, no way!”

“It sounds like you already have a battle plan in mind, Lady Jasmine. Please tell us what it is.”

“All right. Lady Ambrosia!” [She points a finger at her cousin.] “Tell me what a hostess is.”

“A hostess is much like an entertainer. They keep you amused and smiling, treating each man as if they were already within the stages of courtship.”

“That’s right.”

“You didn’t know that?”

[Jasmine goes red.] “Of course I did!”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I did! I’m just making sure brats like you understand the concept of what we’re doing here.”

“And your point is...?”

“To make this hostess event a success, we need to draw in as many men as possible and ensure they have the best possible experience.

Being fun, graceful and charming is one thing. But I think we all know that men care about presentation as well. The more they like what they see, the more they’ll want to come back and tell others about it.

So, let’s start with our apparel.”

“Ooh, costume and wardrobe? That’s my specialty!”

[She whips out a selection of clothes that she so happens to have on hand.] “Here, take a look at these dresses!”

“Hmm...it would help to see how it looks on someone. Lady Ambrosia, can you wear one of these?”

“Ah, yes, I’d be delighted to help.”

“Here you go, Ambrosia!”

[Bo-Peep hands her the prettiest, glitziest dress of the bunch. Ambrosia leaves to change into it and then returns to model it in front of Jasmine.]

“Ooh, you look good in it!”

“Oh, thank you, Lady Bo-Peep! You’re much too kind. I feel like I haven’t done this lovely gown justice...”

“No, no, it’s no good. Can you make some changes to it, Lady Bo-Peep?”

“Of course! Just let me know what you want fixed.”

“Okay, good. Make the length of the dress shorter.”

“All right.” [She pins up the hem of the dress, making it knee-length.]

“No, shorter.”

“Up to the thighs here? You have really pretty ones, by the way, Ambrosia.”

“Um...isn’t this a little too short?”

“No, shorter!”

“Like this?”

“L-Lady Bo-Peep!” [She tries to tug her shortened skirt further down.] “T-They’ll see that...!”

“What’s that? Your underwear? Your butt cheeks? That’s okay! You’re just with us ladies!”

“B-But we’re supposed to be wearing this in public later, aren’t we?”

“That’s okay! I’ll give you some pretty lingerie to wear.”

“T-This is not okay!”

“You should give all of us that, Lady Bo-Peep.”

“Some pretty lingerie? Sure! I have plenty.”

“Lady Jasmine, are you really fine with wearing this?!”

“Oh no, I don’t plan on showing anyone what I’m wearing underneath. But if we make the dress a little sheer...that would show it off without really showing it off, right?”

“L-Lady Jasmine, you aren’t making any sense!”

“Why don’t we have different themes? Like, I’m the cute one, Lady Jasmine’s the elegant one, Lady Bo-Peep’s the stylish one, and Lady Ambrosia’s the slutty one!”

“Lady Rosemary!”

“I don’t mean it in a bad way. I mean, like, the sexy one. There - is that any better?”

“No - no, it isn’t!”

“Okay, good. Keep holding your skirt down and making that blushing face. It’ll make men think of bedroom things.”

“Oh, please, why are you talking this way...!”

“Ooh, Ambrosia, you should try saying the same line you said earlier. The thing about doing them and servicing them and whatnot.”

“That’s perfect! With a motto like that, all the men will flock to our event!”

“This is growing completely out of hand!”

“Okay, one last thing. We need a trial run.”

“That...I don’t like the sound of that.”

“Lady Bo-Peep.” [She takes the redhead’s arm and whispers into her ear.]

“I-I think I’ll just leave. After changing, of course.”

“Not so fast! Lady Rosemary, grab her!”

“On it!”

[Rosemary lunges for Ambrosia’s arm while Jasmine snatches the other one.]

“A-Ah! Oh, oh...dears, I know you’re having fun, but this is really taking it too far!”

“All right, let’s head out!”

[The two Phoenix begin to drag Ambrosia out of the room, with Bo-Peep trailing behind with a beaming face.]

“W-Wait, please tell me where you’re taking me! And if you’re bringing me out in public, can’t one of you at least pull down my skirt...!”

“Didn’t I tell you, Ambrosia? I’m sure your underwear and butt cheeks are juuuust fine!”

“F-For a hostess event, I don’t see why I have to be the only one subjected to this...!”

“You want me to show off my underwear and butt cheeks, too? I don’t mind!”

“T-That really isn’t what I mean!”

“Okay, stop right here.” [She looks at Bo-Peep.] “The next guy that comes by, you know what to do.”

[Bo-Peep gives a vigorous nod, her red curls bouncing with the movement.]

“Um...” [Half-resigned to whatever they have planned, Ambrosia’s shoulders droop and she murmurs to herself:] “Do I really want to know what that means?”

“Someone’s coming!”

“Ooh, ooh, who is it? Who is it?”

“I don’t know. It’s a guy!”

“How do you know?”

“Well, because he doesn’t have the parts women have - obviously!”

“I mean, you can tell that much, but you still don’t know who it is?”

“Shh! Be quiet!”

“Please don’t come over here!”

[hissing] “Shut up!” [She pinches Ambrosia’s arm.]

[wincing] “Nn...!”

[Hearing the footsteps stop, Jasmine calls over:]“Actually, it’d be nice if you could come here and give us a helping hand.”

[The footsteps resume. Jasmine exchanges glances with Bo-Peep, who nods.]

“Lady Jasmine, you’re letting your competitive nature blind you!”

“Lady Ambrosia, we simply can’t let those Valkyrie look down on us!”

[She gives Ambrosia a sidelong glance before letting out a sigh.] “Okay, look. You give the man who’s coming over a proper invitation to the event, and I’ll release your arm. You can pull down your skirt like I know you want to - not that it’ll help much.

But only if you invite him appropriately!”

[Ambrosia’s face brightens.] “I-I will! So, you’ll let me go?”

“Lady Rosemary will still be holding onto your other arm, though.”

“Thank you, Lady Jasmine! I’ll take what I can. Even though I would appreciate having my freedom back.”

“Make sure you tell him: ‘We’re having a hostess event! Please come inside, and I’ll service you nicely!’”

“...I don’t know if I really want to say that.”

“You don’t even know the implications behind it!”

“But I can still tell there’s something wrong with it based off everyone’s reaction!”

“Do you want me to lift your skirt and show off your unmentionables again?”

“N-No...!”

[to Jasmine:] “Told you you were mean.”

“This is war! I know you want to reign victorious over the Valkyrie, too.”

“Uh...well, I care more about having lots of cute guys in the room.”

“And this will do it. Lady Ambrosia, say what I told you to or I’m revoking your modesty privileges!”

[murmuring to herself:] “W-What about this is modest?” [Hearing the footsteps drawing ever closer, Ambrosia heaves a sigh.]

“Fine. But Lady Jasmine, there are other ways to draw in men without using me like this! I don’t even think I’m the best candidate for this!”

“Of course you are! Now, don’t forget to smile, everyone.”

“You know...I-I think it could be a little boy approaching us!”

“No, it isn’t. I know it’s not for a fact.”

“Stop struggling already and just give in, Lady Ambrosia. Don’t forget what I said!”

“Oh, this is so embarrassing...!”

[As soon as the stranger rounds the corner, Ambrosia dips forward in a bow, completely wanting to avoid eye contact.]

“W-We’re having a hostess event!” [Clenching the front of her skirt tightly, she draws in a deep breath and rushes through her next words.] “P-Please come inside, and I’ll service you nicely!”

[As she straightens herself, her gaze falls upon the last man she wanted to see.]

“Oh no.”

“Hmm...you’ll service me nicely, will you? That’s a first.”

“I take it back. I’ll never service y-”

[Jasmine gives Ambrosia’s arm another hard pinch, making her whimper, and then shoots a pointed look in Bo-Peep’s direction.]

[perking up]“That’s right! If you want to play with her...” [One slender hand begins to reach towards Ambrosia.]

“Um...Lady Bo-Peep...!”

“Come on over and tell all your friends about it!” [Seizing the neckline, she yanks down on it, hard enough for Ambrosia’s chest to pop out of it.]

“Whoops! Sorry, Ambrosia! I used a little too much strength, hehe. I only meant to show off more of your cleavage!”

“I don’t mind.” [A playful smile dances across Night’s lips.] “So, this is the kind of service you’re offering, Ambrosia?”

“No!” [She wraps her free arm around her chest.] “You...you beast!”

“I’m not sure why you’re saying that when I’m not even the one doing that to you.”

“By that, she means you ‘sexy beast.’”

[jokingly] “Oh, that makes more sense now.”

[She struggles to worm herself free of Rosemary’s grip without success.] “Avert your eyes already!”

“I thought you were offering to service me?”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“Hmm...one ‘no’ and two ‘yes’s.” [Night makes a show of rubbing his chin.] “This is a hard situation to grasp. Do you want me to help you, Ambrosia?”

“No, I don’t need your help! Just please make yourself scarce!”

“But it sounds like they don’t want me to go.”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“NO!”

[hissing in her ear:] “Lady Ambrosia, stop covering yourself so much!”

“L-Lady Jasmine - kyaaa! No, stop! Stop, this is madness! Anyone but him - please make him go away!

NO!”

[teasingly...?] “Oh, yes.”

So, these skits were pretty much pure comedy...well, for the most part. Hopefully, you didn’t find anything too disturbing. And for once, it isn’t all thanks to Unknown.

I was thinking of having Unknown be the approaching stranger, but I almost wonder if he wasn’t partly expected. Plus, he’d no doubt make the situation ten times worse for poor Ambrosia.

Anyway, any questions or comments, just let me know. Have a great rest of the day!

21 notes · View notes