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vai3r13 · 3 months ago

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Hello hello! :) I’m here for our matchup trade for Black Butler! (I sent the pictures for the Paparazzi end :) )

Starting off I am a neurodivergent, queer (but attracted to masculinity) female. I go by she/they and im an INFP Sagittarius.

Physically, I am a 5’2” but wear platform converse or boots every day of my life. Style wise, im definitely alternative. However, Im also a fan of the baggy jeans, tight top, kinda side of grunge. Im also a sucker for black with pastels, so I suppose my color pallete would fall under “Pastel Goth” or something similar. I actually really love the style called “Morute” which stands for “Morbidly Cute”. I just absolutely adore the creepy-cute combination, and i aspire to look like a creepy doll somedays.

That also would lead into hobbies, as I love dolls! I collect them and will gush over them any time i see one in public i like. Especially going to cons and seeing the little stands with BJD dolls? I go feral-...and broke. My entire room is decorated in pretty dolls, anime figures, manga, and cherry blossom vines. (I really want a cherry blossom tattoo on my back but im terrified of needles-) My other hobbies include writing, skateboarding, singing/making music, and dancing! I have a band with friends right now. I’m training my voice to be a metal singer despite having a feminine voice, so im a bit shy with it right now.

Personality wise, I suppose it tends to fluctuate, but i think what sticks the most is that I'm extremely sweet and loyal. I used to be very shy, and can even be pretty quiet nowadays too. Im definitely introverted but, ive gotten much better with it. Friends would definitely say that im bubbly, always trying to laugh. Definitely witty too because I absolutely love bantering and softly bullying people. Id say im very emotionally intelligent when it comes to other people. Im definitely a realist, and im told im very good with advice and empathizing with people. I feel i understand other emotions more than mine sometimes. Which annoys me- Because I have a habit of not expressing anything negative. I think it might be due to past trauma, but I have a hard time staying angry or upset with people. Its like- once you screw me over, i have no issues getting rid of you. I dont like that i can easily disconnect from people, as I feel it makes me sound like a bad person, but I just feel l like if i know my worth, and someone isnt treating me as they should, I shouldnt keep them in my life. That does go to say though, that I am an all or nothing person with people I care about. If i am your friend, I trust you can come to me with anything and I vice versa no matter what. I always come through and i expect the same.

Another bad habit though would be disappearing. I wouldnt call it ghosting because I always pop back up, but I usually dont respond or see people for weeks or even months, even close friends. Most that are close know that if they need to talk to me, they have to double text or call me. Ill always answer then. I dont mean to, I just for some reason am really consistent with randomly dropping off the face of the earth for everyone but my partner, or person closest. Texts are always paragraphs though! Im not a dry texter, just forget I exist and have to respond :) Not to mention, i have ran away out of state before just for the sake of going and exploring. (Did a lot of Urbex and trespassing- it was fun but i dont think ill ever go to abandon buildings like that again. That doesnt mean ill stop climbing trains though!) I just love road trips and little late night adventures.

Some notes about me… Id say my fears involve needles, the dark (I sleep with a nightlight but love horror-), Clowns, and deep water. I cannot swim and have nearly drowned before so I actually hate going swimming. I dont see the appeal and start to panic if i cant see or touch the bottom. I wouldnt say im scared of spiders though like most. I actually am the person my job calls for to grab spiders and take them outside. If theyre cute, ill just grab them with my hand. Another thing is that I have OCD and PTSD. My OCD isnt the typical stereotype of being clean, Im just very routine with patterns. The person im with has to be okay with frequent alarms I set for different time frames, my strange eating habits (I cant have anything touching, one food at a time, soft foods over crunchy, and i absolutely love bananas but cant eat them unless someone peels them for me while im not looking) I also get very paranoid about certain things, like for example, i get little episodes sometimes where I freak out because I believe Ill inherent my dads schizophrenia and Ill because dissociated with reality, so whoever im with needs to be able to help assure me i wont just lose my mind- That being said, my least favorite love language is touch! I can be touched, but its very easy to overwhelm my due to past trauma. I also flinch very easily without even thinking and it gets annoying when people make fun of it. Because of this as well, im a very silent walker and tend to scare people because i subconsciously make myself as unnoticeable as possible. Im also an insomniac. I will not go to bed until the sun is up, and even then I wake up very easily. My doctor keeps trying to give me medications for it so i can sleep better, but its so ironic because I stop taking them constantly because I hate feeling tired. SO someone who doesnt mind being up a bit late would be appreciated :)

Random facts are: I absolutely adore raccoons and rats, and used to be a rat mom! I’ll spit out little rodent facts like im google. I know morse code. Im an amazing driver. I will get you there fast and safe….fast as in i max out my car frequently and if i get one more traffic misconduct i lose my license. BUT i know how to be safe with taking those risks, if that makes sense? Like i know where and when to speed and when not to- Most people fear getting in the car with me. But other than that, i think that’s it for now! Thank you <3

Hello!<3 @xxchthonicreaturexx

I apologize for any mistakes! English is not my native language and I'm new to writing:) Written in "you" perspective

possible tw - talk of mental health, mentions of unhealthy relationship ig? idk how healthy grim reapers r, mentions of drowning and suicide

barely proofread

To start, you're gorg and going off of everything I think your Black Butler match would be..

Undertaker !!

Both visually and personality wise I think you would compliment each-other! In my opinion your energies have something similar.

visual

I think Undertaker would like your piercings, he has an industrial himself.

small head cannons

You both have black nail polish, so painting each others nails as a cute activity:)

Doing each others eyeliner/make up.

classic

Undertakers mbti type most likely is ISTJ while yours is INFP. While your compatibility can seem difficult at first, by appreciating each others differences you "balance" each other out.

Sagittarius and Aquarius are an energetic match, being air and fire signs your elements fit seamlessly. In astrology, air feeds fire.

"i can easily disconnect from people"

Is a trait both of your star signs posses, a similarity that needs to be balanced between the two of you.

In terms of style I can see you in lots of similar/ partner outfits, as your style is somewhat similar too. Undertaker would, just like you, adore pastel goth and a creepy cute, dolly like aesthetic, - not on him but most definitely on his partner.

I think Undertaker would definitely share your love for dolls, acquiring many dolls and gifting them to you.

As we can see in the Luxury Liner arc, I'd say he has his own love for "dolls", if you know what I'm saying.

As for your other hobbies I think Undertaker wouldn't exactly share your interest in them, but he'd definitely support you. Ex. Watching your band perform, making tea to soothe your voice after you've practiced. He'd definitely be one to annoy and tease you in a joking manner, while you're writing or doing other things.

You being more calm/quiet and Undertakers more energetic and chaotic certainly harmonize. You'd participate in a lot of witty banter and Undertakers life mission would be to make you laugh all the time. He'd adore your sweetness and bubbly-ness (is that even a word??) and your loyalty would be VERY important to him. While he acts and is mostly carefree, I think deep down he still wary of deep connections with people, as he doesn't really have friends.

When he achieves said connection tho he might not always act like it but he'd be sort of possessive. Wouldn't let you get very close to Sebastian or Ciel out of a fear, that they would use you against him in some way. It takes a while for him to tell you what he is, it takes him a while to trust someone 100% wouldn't talk about how it happened tho.

I think arguments wouldn't happen very often, when they do tho they would happen out of Undertakers disregard for "human customs", ex. relationships with other people, etc. Undertaker doesn't resort to screaming, he wouldn't even comprehend that you're mad or annoyed with him. After a few days of not talking much he'd try and talk, bring you something, dolls, sweets, whatever. Makes you sit down and explain what's bothering you, wouldn't always get it but he'd try. Makes up by gifting you dolls or figurines.

Would get worried the first few times you disappear, always manages to find you tho. Absolutely goes exploring with you, might not say it but part of the reason why, is because he's worried about you.

Teases you about your fear of the dark, always lights a candle for you at night tho. Undertaker has died through drowning, as shown in a manga panel, so he shares your fear of water. It serves as a constant reminder for him, so you both don't see the appeal.

Might sound weird but he's fascinated with your OCD habits, he asks you about them. Once you explained them, he always makes sure that your food is arranged the way you like it and peels your bananas for you. Doesn't mind the alarms you set, can be your personal alarm clock actually.

Undertaker has dealt with a lot throughout his long life, he has his own problems. He will always assure you that you're going to be okay. Another thing, that might seem insensitive but sometimes he'd joke that you'll be "crazy" together.

Undertaker's very touchy by nature, I would say. After noticing you flinch, he'd be unsure if his presence and being a grim reaper still intimidates you in some way, if he decides talking to you about it, Undertaker will resort to gift giving and quality time.

Being a quiet walker doesn't matter with Undertaker, as he senses your presence, he isn't human after all, or easy to startle.

Grim Reapers require both sleep and sustenance, but have you seen Undertaker? That man runs on two hours of sleep maximum, he also definitely wouldn't mind staying up late. Dancing late at night, while nobody is watching, is definitely a reoccurring activity in a relationship with the Undertaker. He can be a bit overbearing at times.

Depending what century you're imagining this in, Undertaker loves when you drive, it's sort of an adrenaline rush for him.

head canons

Doing each others makeup, sitting on a coffin or your bed. "You have to be still, for me not to smudge the eyeliner!!", while he tries to tickle or smooch you.

Painting each others nails and making a cute date night out of it, lots of candles around you for the atmosphere. Playful banter, which ends in you two cuddling in a coffin.

Going out to explore the woods, him following closely behind you, suddenly disappearing just to appear in front of you, scaring you in the process, making Undertaker burst out laughing. Holding out a hand to help you climb onto things.

Exploring the city at night, when the people are sleeping and the bustling and usually loud streets of London are completely empty. Even jumping roof to roof. (This reminded me of that one Howl's moving castle scene. 01:47-02:10 in the linked video)

Late at night, while both of you aren't sleeping, Undertakers shop is dark, except for the dozens of candles littered across the room, as a music box starts playing a soft melody. Undertaker coming up behind you and offering you a hand, as you start dancing across his shop, moving through the space together, occasionally stepping on each others feet and giggling.

Again, it's my first time writing and English isn't my first language. I hope you could still enjoy this<3

#divider by v6que #undertaker #undertaker black butler #undertaker x reader #undertaker kuroshitsuji #romance #romantic #romantic matchup #match #matchups #english isnt my first language

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ironmandeficiency · 2 years ago

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requests are open! ask away

requests have been opened again! i’m gonna do things a little different this time around just to see how it goes. below are lists of soulmate au’s, dialogue prompts, & physical affection prompts. you can send me a max of TWO of them for a request (ie “soulmate goose + giggly cuddles with character” or however you want). it’s open for any character i’ve written for thus far, so go ham y’all 🥰✨✌🏻

soulmate au’s!

soulmate goose of enforcement — a goose will herd you around until finding your soulmate. your soulmate also has a goose doing the same thing. there is no telling whether your goose will be tame or a menace

you and your soulmate have the same hair color — if one dyes their hair, their soulmate’s hair color will change with it

when you or your soulmate lose something, it reappears with the other one (can’t lose things on purpose)

you can choose to take away your soulmate’s pain when they’re injured — if they get a paper cut or smth considerably worse, you can choose whether to take that pain for yourself or not

everyone has a sun and moon tattoo that glow, depending on whether it’s day or night where your soulmate is

when your soulmate is sick, so are you (and vice versa)

soulmates share talents — if either of you are good at something, the other one doesn’t even have to learn it to be good at it

soulmates can’t share talents — oh, your soulmate can draw really well? congrats, you’re now the worst person ever to have on a pictionary team

soulmates are forced to literally finish each other’s sentences when around each other

the voice in your head (your subconscious) is your soulmate’s — can simply be their voice OR their personality too

one runs cold while the other runs hot, and find the in-between when they’re touching

soulmates can fluently speak each other’s native languages without trying to learn it

you can only see shades of your soulmate’s favorite color until you meet (favorite colors are subject to change)

dialogue prompts!

“do you want me to kill that guy for you? because he seems like a real dick and i would totally kill that guy for you.”

“so apparently i had a problem”

“that could gone a lot worse” “it could have gone better too, dumbass”

“well fuck me running”

“your table manners leave much to be desired” “…there are no tables in the middle of the woods?”

“give me back my ___ or so help me i will throw every single one of those scones into the fire!” “you wouldn’t dare!” “try me”

“should i be scared of how many songs you like that involve women murdering their spouses?” “do you have a reason to be?”

🎶do doo do do🎶 “FUCK!”

*after something huge happens* “well, at least no one got hurt” *person saying this immediately gets hurt, probably in a stupid way*

“bless your heart”

“any crystal is a protection crystal if you throw it hard enough”

“i picked a whole bouquet of whoopsie daisies”

“do not speak of this to anyone” *promptly tells absolutely everyone who will listen*

physical affection prompts!

forehead kisses

tickle fights

tight hugs with gentle swaying

excited running start hugs that involve spinning someone around in circles

a protective hand to the chest to keep someone out of danger

an affectionate but annoyed slap to the back of the head

play wrestling

resting their chin on someone’s head or shoulder

gentle (or not so gentle) headbutt

running their fingers through someone’s hair

lacing fingers together after a high five as a joke but it’s been twenty minutes and they won’t let go of each other

curling up together to share a blanket

protecting each other during a food fight

tagging a few friends to spread the word! @evergreennwilloww @fromthedeskoftheraven @absurdthirst @ohnopoe @micheleamidalajedi @getdookuedon @a-dorin @engineeredfiction @max--phillips @oonajaeadira @pettyprocrastination @keldabe-kriff @clonewarslover55 @flightlessangelwings @fizzyxcustard @lordoftherazzles

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tojiscumdumpster · 8 months ago

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CHAPTER FIFTEEN- READER/TOJI

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀✧ summary page

Reader’s POV

I think I love Toji.

It’s scaring me, actually… how quickly I’m falling for him. These past six weeks have been some of the best moments of my life. I feel light. Warm. Safe… I feel content.

I’m happy around Toji, and after the amazing sex we had last night, I believe my feelings have solidified.

He couldn’t keep his hands off me last night. Not in the bathtub. Not while cuddling in my bed and our intimate makeout session. And certainly not when his cock is currently sitting inside of me while he plays with my pussy.

Toji Fushiguro is a clingy partner. I’ve learned this over time and after last night. Overdramatic, as well. Claiming that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep without having his dick being warmed up. Of course, like the needy woman I am, I acquiesced to his request.

The twitching. The purposely pulling me closer to him so his cock could sink deeper inside of me. The stretch… Gosh, I know I came a few times already.

I need him. I’ll always need him, I think.

Is it too early for me to feel this way? My friends did say I catch feelings quickly, but I can’t help myself around Toji.

Why would I want to be without his open mouth kisses that’s peppered across my neck? Or how he tongues my ear and whispers how beautiful I am? That he wants to fuck me over and over again until my hips are numb and my legs give up on me?

… Why?

Why when he makes me feel so good?

His pace on my clit increases pulling me closer to another release this morning. I feel his cock expanding inside of me and my pussy molds around the girth of him.

“Oh, baby,” I breathed, pushing my ass back further against his pelvis.

“Mhm, your pussy is warmer in the morning, sweets.” God, that fucking voice.

We’ve talked on the phone late at night and the crack of dawn, but hearing the gruffness, the rasp and sleepiness of it in person has my pussy throbbing.

He continues, pressing a kiss behind my ear, whispering, “My favorite fucking cockwarmer. You’d let me sleep in it every night?”

I should be ashamed at how eagerly I nod in response to his question. But I still managed to tease him. “Maybe.”

He lets out an airy chuckle. “Maybe? You little fucking minx. Why do you always have to play like that? Hm?”

“Toji, you’re going to make me come,” I barely managed to say through a whimper.

He’s also on the verge of coming again. I can feel it, how his dick is quivering inside my pussy. He’s bound to stuff me with his release and I am happily forced to take more of it. Last night. Once this morning—I’m completely filled with Toji.

Our lips find each other for a kiss, rolling our tongues and having the vibration of our moans bounce around in each other’s mouths. Kissing Toji feels like a cure on a bad day. Kissing him feels like if I go even ten minutes without his lips, I’d go insane.

It’s because you love him.

I do. I love Toji Fushiguro, and now he’s officially mine. My heart, mind, and body is his to keep, in his possession.

In this lifetime—and probably a previous one.

I want to spend my Saturday mornings like this, laying in bed nude with the warmth of Toji by my side. We eventually cleaned up after our earlier session and have been relaxing since.

His back is to me and I take this to my advantage to map out his back tattoo I never knew he had.

My fingertips glide across his flesh, every line and color that marks him is beautifully designed into a dragon. His back muscles are sexy. Hard. Masculine.

But—they’re not alone.

Scars.

Lots of them.

I feel Toji’s body tensing underneath my touch when I rub them, so I pull back.

We sit in silence for about ten minutes, and I am left to become consumed in my musings.

How did he get these scars? Who did this to him? His family? I know his childhood was bad, but Toji hasn't opened up to me about it in detail. I can only imagine what he’s been through, and I know he’s not one to want someone to cry on his behalf, however, I do anyways.

A lonely tear cascades my cheek because no one deserves pain like this. I just want to protect this man and have him in my embrace. Without any thought, I leave delicate kisses along his scars.

At first, he becomes rigid. Maybe because this type of affection is foreign to him or he hasn’t felt it in a long time. But the more I peck my lips across his scars, he relaxes, causing my heart to melt like butter.

Toji startled me a bit when he abruptly turned around to face me. He looks at me and lazily grins.

Morning looks beautiful on him. I thought this the first time we woke up together almost two months ago. The soft lines around his eyes, indicating his maturity, have become more profound since then.

His viridescent hues are soft and piercing, reminding me that we’re approaching the first day of spring.

The words I love you are dying to slip from my mouth, but I do my best to hold it together.

“Hey, big guy,” I whispered.

“You always this pretty in the morning?”

I rest my hand against his cheek and place a soft kiss to his lips. “Thank you, baby.” His expression falters. He looks tired. Not physically. But mentally. “What’s on your mind?”

“How I have to leave this room and fucking face reality again,” he admitted, rolling on his back and releasing a deep sigh.

I scoot closer to him to try and fill the small gap, but he pulls me on his chest instead.

I give him a quick kiss before running my fingers through his raven locks. “This is reality. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t. Now would I?”

“That’s the thing, sweets… You don’t feel like reality.” He doesn’t look at me when he says his next words. Just stares at the ceiling into oblivion. “You feel like a dream... A good one.”

He’s saying I feel too good to be true.

My eyes widened at his admission. Did he mean to say that out loud? I feel my heart pounding against my chest and I wonder if Toji hears it.

Before I’m able to respond, he continues speaking. “The scars. They don’t scare you?”

I shake my head. “Why would they?”

“A few women I slept with were scared,” he shrugs. “Some were turned on. Y’know—the scary hot boyfriend look.”

“Remember I’m not scared of you, Toji Fushiguro,” I tell him. “But. . .”

“Curious how I got them?”

I sit up on his chest and hold his face. “Only if you’re comfortable, baby. You know I have patience for you.”

Toji didn’t make it hard for me to fall for him. When he’s kind to me or how he protects me, it deepens my feelings for him.

But when he’s vulnerable like this . . . I feel like it’s only us two in the world.

His attention returned to the ceiling and I noticed the tightness forming on his face. I know Toji well enough to tell when he’s skeptical about opening up to me.

Of course, I know this has nothing to do with me because he’s already expressed his comfort. It’s just him having difficulties letting his walls down since he’s been failed by a family that was supposed to protect his youth.

And because he lost his wife.

However, when I snuggle into his neck and massage reassuring circles around the tattoo on his chest, I feel his body melting into mine.

“My old man was a drunk. Whenever he was bored or mad, he used me as his punching bag.” His voice is calm yet undetectable, like saying this out loud doesn’t phase him. “Think my body was used to it after the fourth scar.”

“Oh, baby—”

He feigns a laugh. “My uncle was the same way. Ha, imagine the two men that were supposed to look after the family, the brothers, taking turns beating on a brat like me.”

His words weigh heavily on me the more he speaks. Hearing Toji’s abuse as a child breaks me and I’m almost positive he’s trying to convince himself that he’s okay.

How he’s still looking at the ceiling says otherwise, like if he made eye contact with me, he’d shatter.

Continuing, he touches the right side of his mouth, whispering, “This is the last one they gave me… he gave me. . . My uncle.” He looked at me for the first time since venting and forced a smile. “I’ll always remember it… how it hurt the most. Mentally fucked me up.”

Usually the silence between me and Toji is comfortable, to just bask in each other. But right now, when we finally lock eyes, I see pain. I see a man that is still being affected by his childhood trauma that’s harboring it alone.

His eyes look lifeless, different from the lust and hunger that oozed through them last night. How can eyes that resemble an expensive jewel look so tarnished?

At this moment, I don’t know if my words will help. I don’t know if it’ll give him the reassurance that he needs. That he didn’t deserve any of the pain that he endured all those years when he was a child up until he was a young adult.

So, I kissed him.

I climbed on top of him and kissed him with a burning desire to make him feel like he’s not alone. That I’ll always be there for him when he wants to say his thoughts out loud. That his heart and vulnerability is safe with me.

He’s not unlovable.

He’s not a fuck up.

He just needs time and reassurance… and I’ll always be here to give it.

Always.

Toji’s POV

“About fucking time you get a girlfriend, Fushiguro.”

After spending the night and morning with Y/N, unfortunately, I had to leave and fucking face reality.

One part of my reality being I have a girlfriend now. And the other half is having Kong up my ass because he seems to take more of an interest in the States right than Japan.

I’m almost positive it’s about this damn contract he’s adamant about me taking, but I’ll let him admit that later on.

For now, he’s been grilling me for the past hour about me and Y/N while we play pool in his rental. It’s not like I just blurted out that we’re together. There was just something different about my mood that he noticed.

And of course, it was because of her.

Y/N is actually my girlfriend. I mean, after the fuck we had last night, I couldn’t leave her apartment without officially making her mine.

Not only because of the sex, and not on anything sappy and spiritual, but with our weeks worth of conversation—she was bound to become my girl.

Whether it was now or later.

How we talk to each other feels like we’ve known one another for a lifetime. And it’s funny that I feel this way because the dreams I’ve been having about Y/N just makes me feel closer to her.

These dreams are trying to convince me that I knew Y/N before the night we met at the bar. She was my girl. We were in each other's lives, being all domestic and shit.

But unsurprisingly—I ruined it.

It might’ve been my greed or selfishness that caused us to separate. That’s just the type of fucker I am. I was groomed to be this way, rough around the edges and always in survival mode. If it wasn’t my kid or my late wife, I didn’t give a damn about shit else.

Y/N? I want her to be one of the reasons why I do better. She sees me as a saint and I want to live up to her expectations. She’s too perfect for me, but maybe if I clean up a bit, I can be decent enough to be good for her.

Maybe I hate that motherfucker that she calls her ex, however, I’m sure he didn’t have to worry about all this. Cleaning up his image and shit.

He’s a fucking high school principal—how much more of a prude can he be?

Anyways, it doesn’t matter because Y/N is mine and I’m planning on keeping it that way.

“So, when can I meet her?” Kong asks, taking a puff of his cigarette. “The women down here are beautiful. Might have to see if she has friends for me, Fushiguro.”

I snort. “Never, and I’m not playing matchmaker with you, shithead.”

“Greedy?”

“Only for my girl,” I answered simply.

My girl…

That feels foreign yet so damn good to say. And based on Kong’s expression, he’s just as shocked as I am.

“Pussywhipped?”

I lean against the pool table and make a shot before taking a different angle. “I feel good about Y/N. I feel like… like I knew her before.”

He chuckles. “You don’t say?”

“I’m fucking serious, Kong. Those feelings just didn’t sneak up on my ass.”

“You love her?”

“I don’t… at least not yet.” That doesn’t mean I’m opposed to it.

“Not yet? Fushiguro, is she the reason why you won’t take this contract?” He asks while looking at me with disbelief.

“No, you little fuck. I told you why already. Why the hell are you pressing my ass about that?”

“Maybe if you took a look at it, you would know why, jackass.”

I’m never one to turn down money, but after becoming a husband and father, I had to let that lifestyle go. At any given moment, I’m prepared for death. That doesn’t mean I have to put my kid in harm's way, though.

Probably was the best contract killer out there. I was clean with my victims, but there’s always a chance it can fall back on me, and rather take it on me, they’ll find a way to go after Megumi.

I could be dead and I’d still find a way to make sure that doesn’t fucking happens.

And with me now dating Y/N, I have another person to protect and care for, so taking contracts are not up for discussion.

“Look, Fushiguro,” Kong begins, putting out his cigarette. “I know you got a boy to care for, and now you have a pretty little girlfriend, but check out the contract. It’ll probably be the most satisfying one you've ever done.”

I quipped a brow. “Satisfying?”

“Mhm, and plus the money is good. Could probably negotiate for them to have it in American currency.”

It’s not like I’m going to take the contract, but I’m curious. “How much?”

“Half a million.”

“USD?”

He nods, taking a swig of beer. “Check under your mattress when you get home. I left the envelope there.”

“The fuck were you doing in my apartment, Kong?” I gave Kong a spare key since he’s Megumi’s godfather and emergency reasons. But that doesn’t mean he can go in and out of my place like I owe him money.

“To spend time with my godson, dip shit.” He sits the pool stick against the table to pull out another cigarette to light. “Look over the shit, Fushiguro. Consider it. Make the money and come home. You have that pretty little lady now, so you could use the extra cash to spoil her.”

As if I wasn’t going to fucking spoil Y/N regardless.

He continues, “And going back to her—when are you going to tell Megumi you’re snooping around with his teacher?”

That… is… a good question I don’t know the answer to.

Me asking Y/N to be my girlfriend last night wasn’t planned. Didn’t even talk to the kid yet about me dating again because the last thing I want is for him to think I’m replacing his mom.

Telling him I’m seeing someone is one thing. Telling him I’m seeing his teacher is another.

It can either go one of two ways: he doesn’t care and just hits me with the “dad, you’re embarrassing” retort or two, he’ll hate me even more.

And I’m hoping sure as fuck it’s the former.

For now, I’ll cross the bridge when I get there and use this time to enjoy Y/N.

“Let me worry about that.”

I don’t care how silent our dinners are, so as long as me and the kid have them together, I’m good.

With how shitty these past few weeks it been between us, I’m fucking surprised he still wants to be in the same room as me.

It’s safe to say meals together are our staple. Yeah, they’re quiet, but it still reminds me that I’m Megumi’s old man, and he’s my kid. Even so, a little conversation shouldn’t hurt.

I like to be transparent with Megs when it comes to life. He’s at that age where he knows about dating, sex, and other things. So I shouldn’t be nervous as shit when telling him I’m dating someone, but I am.

Let me ease in the topic a bit and go from there.

“School doing alright, kid?”

“Yeah… just a lot of catching up,” he replies.

I took a sip of my ginger ale and let out a burp that earned me a disgusting face from Megumi. “Sorry, Megs.” Can’t help but laugh because my kid is the complete opposite of me when it comes to manners. “Can we talk for a second?”

“About?”

“How’d you feel if I… if I start dating again?”

Like I caught him off guard, he paused midway when stuffing his mouth with the oyakodon I made tonight for dinner. His face is left undetectable, so I’m not sure if he’s annoyed or not, but he finishes chewing his food… very slowly.

Because I’m fucking nervous, I continue rambling like I always do.

“Don’t want you think I’m trying to replace your mother, it’s just-”

“It’s fine.”

I look at him in shock. “Huh?”

“I said it’s fine. Whatever, dad. I don’t know why you’re asking me.”

“Well, I just want to make sure you’re cool with that,” I tell him while finishing up my offal. “You’re my priority and you need to know I’m dating before I bring her around.” I notice a tint of pink rushing to his ears and I can’t help but chuckle from seeing him shy away.

“Dad, stop being corny.”

I scruff his hair. “Not happening.”

As usual, he slaps my hand away before standing up to refill his water. “Are you already dating someone?”

“I am,” I answer, smiling a little too card. See how Y/N has me?

“Surprised you found someone to put up with you.”

“I’m convinced you and Kong talk crap about me when I’m not around,” I joke. “Your old man still has it.”

“Whatever you say, dad.”

Banter like this… it feels fucking good. Reminds me of the times where his mother was alive and we would crack jokes while eating instant ramen in our rundown apartment.

Just wish it was always like this. Wish there was never this damn strain on our relationship that I caused because I was being a shitty parent. Even if the kid shows annoyance with me, I get happy about that shit because it’s better than nothing.

It’s something. Something that I can work with where I have the opportunity to show him I want to be a better old man to him. Better than what mine was to me.

So yeah, we’ve been like oil and water lately. Sometimes it feels like I’m arguing with my little brother more than my kid, however, after tonight–I feel good. When Y/N told me Megumi would come around, it’s like she manifested that shit.

Ha, look at me. Now I’m even talking like her.

The things she does to me…

I just hope things don't turn into a shit show when I tell Megumi I’m dating his reading teacher.

“Are you going to bring her around?” He asks.

“Yeah… Yeah, I am… eventually. I just want to make sure she’ll be here for a while.”

Bullshit. I’m more than positive that Y/N and I aren’t going anywhere because I have no intentions of letting go.

Not when I felt like I already had before.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

discussion question #7 — why do you guys think shiu kong is so adamant about toji taking this contract? any guess? i would love to read your responses and your thoughts on this chapter. thank you for reading and i'll see you next time ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶

#anime x black!reader #anime x reader #toji x reader #toji fushigro x reader #toji x black reader #toji fushiguro x black reader #jjk x reader #jjk x black reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x black reader #toji angst #jjk angst

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lilchicknugg · 1 year ago

Text

to commemorate me being on tumblr heres a questionnaire i filled out a few months ago!

Rules: Complete the form by answering each section truthfully. Once you’ve finished, tag other users to complete the task. Begin by sourcing the person who tagged you.

Have you ever…

Been cheated on: never gave anyone the chance to

Kissed someone and regretted it: i haven’t had my first kiss yet but i’d probably only kiss someone i was already comfortable around

Drank hard liquor: once

Been drunk and thrown up: i’ve never gotten drunk but after drinking tequila for the first time i threw up later in the night (i’m allergic to alcohol)

Met someone who changed you: probably my two friends who i met in the 6th grade who taught me to break rules for the first time. i was always scared to disobey authority figures (parents and teachers) in my life but after meeting them i was able to find who i really was and grow into myself. they also taught me that its LOTS of fun breaking the rules.

Fallen out of love: i have never fallen in love (in another reality, i would love to tho)

Found out who your true friends are: yes—my sisters are my closest friends

Lost glasses: nope, i take very good care of my things

Sex on the first date: no. i would only have sex the night i get married.

Been arrested: i’m not cool enough for that

Turned someone down: kind of? he asked if he could get to know me better and the idea alone made me want to cry forever so i stood up for myself for once and told him i didn’t have time for that. it wasn’t technically a lie since i was extremely stressed about college applications and all he wanted to do was talk about college plans.

Fallen for a friend: i don’t really have guy friends

What was your…

Last drink: lipton iced tea

Last text message: “x men first class guys”. i texted it to a group chat with my sisters and cousin since we were trying to find a movie for movie tonight. P.S. i love x-men!! first class might be my favorite but i haven’t finished the entire saga yet since i’m trying to go through it slowly. the last x-men movie i saw was x-men apocalypse which a pretty good movie too!

More questions…

Do you have any pets: nope but i hope to someday own a fish, bunny and or german shepherd. my sisters have had lots of pets though. they had a bunny, guinea pig, pug and beagle. the bunny and guinea pig have long passed away but the pug and beagle are still alive and are currently residing in our farm. it’s a real farm btw not the kind of the farm that parents tell their kids they put their pets in whey they die.

What did you do for your last birthday party: i went to a cafe with my two friends for breakfast then my family and i went to a restaurant for dinner. the best part was when my sister and i both made our own birthday cakes and blew out candles before midnight!

Name something you cannot wait for: the graham effect by elle kennedy! there aren’t many details yet but im assuming its a book about the children of hannah wells and garrett graham from the deal which is one of my all time favorite books.

What irritates you: when people touch my things/ move it from its rightful spot

Nickname(s): meg (i severely dislike it and told everyone not to call me that but no one listened)

Relationship status: single! since birth!

Favorite TV show: vampire diaries, smallville, gossip girl and rick and morty

High School: oro christian grace school

College: ateneo de manila university (truthfully, i hope to transfer school soon)

Hair Color + Length: dyed brown hair! around mid-boob length

Height: 5’2” (im ok with it)

Your crush: ryke meadows

Tattoos: none. i don’t know if i want one though, i change my mind too much to commit to something permanent on my body

Right or left-handed: right

Any surgeries: never

Any piercings: one piercing on each ear. i have gold diamond earrings i’ve been wearing since the 7th grade but i really wish they were silver

Favorite sport: none but hopefully i get into ballet soon

First vacation: hong kong? i don’t remember what we did but i know we used to go there a lot when my sisters and i were younger. though if i were to guess, we probably went to disneyland and stayed in marco polo hotel.

What do you like…

Hugs or kisses: hugs i think

Shorter or taller: taller for sure. ideally someone around 5’10”.

Older or younger: older but not too much older i guess. maybe 5 years older would be the cut off.

July 2, 2023 (Sunday) 4:04 AM

0 notes

saturnheart · 1 year ago

Text

But as you approached, arms occupied with bags full of decorations, you recognized that patch color jacket, and the baseball cap not doing nearly enough to disguise his features.

i’m so nervy omg…

The silence stretched between the two of you. You could see Carmen begin to fidget in your peripheral vision; good he deserved to be uncomfortable for a minute or two.

like bro what are you doing at my house..

“I don’t remember inviting you in,” it was harsh, but it was also the truth.

baby 😭

He felt like a teenager all over again, fussing over how he would present himself to you.

aw i feel like he was the type to get nervous when baby would text him she was going over or something like quickly fixing his hair or tidying up his room. they kinda give me lucas and haley vibes but like with crushes on each other lmao if that makes sense 😂 teen baby and carmy 🥲

He found you in the kitchen, eyes locked on the bottle of wine in your hands he brought with him, “You uh…talked about how much you loved it back in New York so I-I thought it might be nice to have it again.”

AWW NOOO 😭😔😔😔

“This is me accepting your olive branch, I just…wanna make things right between us..”

i need my barby back

“No you’re good I uh I didn’t get anything you’re allergic to.” His eyes darted across the ingredients double checking that he hadn’t bought any compromising ingredients.

🫠🫠🫠 oh this is gonna be hard

How could you admit to your best friend, the person who once knew you most, that almost a year ago you were staring at blank hospital walls as some doctor explained to both you and Natalie just how close to death you were?

🥲 oh man

“Carmen I…I’ve been sober for 7 months.”

omg i’m not ready for this conversation my poor baby 😔

“You fuckin’ with me right?” The apprehension in his voice was the result of not knowing if he could bear to hear the idea that something so heinous could plague you.

ahh 🫠😪

The breath in your throat hitched as his finger slowly traced the long scar, the touch sent shivers through you. Your eyes watched him as he watched you, finger deliberately taking in the pattern on your jaw, his hand unconsciously moved to cup your face in the way he liked, forefinger pressed into your hidden tattoo as his thumb began caressing the corner of your lips.

😔

“What the fuck happened to you, Baby?”

… i’m already not okay like this convo is gonna hurttttttttt

He didn’t say it but you knew he needed some time to internalize the small piece of truth you told him, to rationalize just how much you had gone through in your time apart.

it’s gonna be hard for him to hear like my heart hurts for them both

And I think, I thought if I just helped everyone get better I wouldn’t need to grieve, because I was surrounded by all the people I loved, and their wellbeing mattered most to me.

baby was too busy making sure everyone else was okay when she herself wasn’t like?? omg

“And for a moment it was like the world stopped screaming like all I needed was your presence to assure me that everything would be okay,”

when all she needed was him 💔🥲

Carmen was making this harder than it needed to be, how could you justify telling him one secret and not the other when he was being so understanding?

the other secret… 💔🤍

For all his social ineptitude Carmy knew there was something you weren’t telling him, something you weren’t being entirely honest about, and he wasn’t sure how it tied into your sobriety. But the way you were apologizing to him made him feel like he was partly responsible.

this is sooo sadddd veee omgggg!! 😭

“There’s something that I need to tell you…something that you deserve to know. B-but I don’t think I can do it tonight. And I know that’s not fair to you but I think for my own sake I need to be in a better space mentally.”

yeah that conversation is gonna hurt even worse i’m scared.

“Why do you…do you…fuck!” The vein on his neck protruded with his frustration. “How do you just sit there and make fucking jokes about this shit Baby! Why the fuck is any of this funny to you?”

i feel like you write carmy so well or idk like JAW knows how to portray these characters like lip/carmen i can see this in my mind lmao i never know how to explain this but like i can see him doing this scene and he’s a rlly good actor so like yeah i can see carmen reacting this way

my girl 💔💔

“I laid in that hospital bed, and I looked at those stupid fucking fluorescent lights and I thought; Mikey got it right the first time, why couldn’t I.”

I WANT TO HUG HER SO BAD !!

“Please?” The broken whisper floated between the two of you before your head softly nodded up and down to confirm that indeed he was almost forced to live without you.

i’ve ran out of words

. “Still be my best friend?”

my babies 🫶🏻🥲

“I nev-I… uh never leave home without it.” The admission made your skin tingle, Carmy’s finger subconsciously tracing the lone letter you carried everywhere with you. “It uh, reminds me of you…of us.”

the pendant 😭😭 AHHHH

The two of you had seemed to come to an understanding now, and that’s all he could ask for. You said you needed a friend and that’s what he’d be; your needs were his needs.

ok… bring on the baby shower i need my family back together 😭🥲🤍 lol

chapter eight | to see a friend, to see a ghost

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary: a secret you’ve been keeping from carmen finally comes to light.

wc: 8.9k

song inspo: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 (highly recommend to add to the heartbreak!)

If it was any later and the sky was any darker, you might have been startled by the figure waiting on your porch. But as you approached, arms occupied with bags full of decorations, you recognized that patch color jacket, and the baseball cap not doing nearly enough to disguise his features.

Stopping before your steps you just looked at the person for a minute, the man was obviously zoned out if he hadn’t already been alerted to your presence from the sound of your car arriving and now the slap of your boots against the pavement.

When you left that voicemail earlier, you hadn’t expected Carmy to take immediate action, it wasn’t like him. You also didn’t expect him to show up unannounced but maybe you should’ve waited before sending your address in that group text.

You made your way up the steps, the jingling keys in your hand finally drew the man’s attention, and the speed at which he flew off the chair situated on your porch was almost comical. Your eyes darted to his, taking in what you could see of his figure that wasn’t hidden behind his jacket or hat. He held two paper bags in one hand and the package you had been expecting in the other, sure the delivery driver just left it with him.

The silence stretched between the two of you. You could see Carmen begin to fidget in your peripheral vision; good he deserved to be uncomfortable for a minute or two.

Finally unlocking the door you pushed through, pausing to take your shoes off. The man behind you hesitated, not sure if he should move forward to follow behind you or not. He took a minute before stepping forward, your eyes meeting his as you stood between his only entrance.

“I don’t remember inviting you in,” it was harsh, but it was also the truth.

He stopped for a moment, cheeks flushing pink as he cleared his throat, “Can I uh, is it okay if I come in?”

It would have been easy to deny him access, leave him out here on your porch, or even allow him to squirm more. But you could hear Pete’s words playing in your mind as you thought of all the petty things you wanted to do at that moment.

You let out an exasperated sigh the constant back and forth between the two of you was finally catching up. You nodded before heading to your living room to drop the bags off on the couch, the open door an invitation for the man on your porch. The bags were safely deposited on your couch as you moved to head into your kitchen, stopping short as you spotted Carmy still standing in your foyer.

A chuckle escaped your lips at the awkward man. You made your way to him, stopping in front of him and taking the package from his hand and the two grocery bags. “You can leave your shoes and jacket out here.” You left him standing alone in the foyer, confident he would find his way to you eventually.

Carmen watched as you disappeared further into your house, the man quickly shedding his shoes and accessories, stopping at the mirror by the coat rack to tame his messy hat hair. He felt like a teenager all over again, fussing over how he would present himself to you. Carmy moved in the direction you had gone in, steps slowing as he tried to take in everything he could about your abode, from the decorations to the colors swatched on your walls. It all reminded him of things he missed out on with you, would you have gushed to him about the prospect of owning a home? Would you have asked his opinion on design choices?

The two of you had once gone to each other for everything, and because he was afraid of being completely vulnerable to his feelings for you, he felt like a stranger on the outside looking in.

Your index finger traced the label of the bottle in your hand, memories of that weekend flooding through you, but that’s just what they were; memories. It was the present day now and no matter the itch you felt to let the red wine warm your mouth, drink enough of it to dull your senses, you wouldn’t allow yourself to.

“What are we doing Carmen?” The bottle of red was gently placed on your island as you looked at the man standing in the space just between your kitchen and living room.

Seeing him in a space that had been wholly your own felt a little weird, you didn’t want to think about the times you imagined what it would’ve been like to share such a space with him as you watched him stand in your house like he was meant to be there; like he belonged.

“I got your voicemail,” you leaned your elbows on the counter propping your head up as you listened. “This is me accepting your olive branch, I just…wanna make things right between us..” The explanation pulled a sigh from your lips, fingers tracing patterns into the marble island beneath you. You left the voicemail with the assumption that it would take Carmen a bit to get back to you, he had never been adamant about fixing your relationship before.

“You also have something I need,” Carmen watched as you raised your eyebrows, eyes leaving the spot you were tracing.

“And what would that be?” The scar between your eyebrows felt tight as your face pulled into a frown, your brain wandering to figure out what you could possibly have that Carmen would need.

Carmen sent a small smile your way, “Let’s cook and we’ll talk about it after.” You watched as the man joined you on the opposite side of your island reaching to remove the rest of the food from their bags.

The genuine laugh that bubbled out of your chest filled Carmy with warmth, “Do you always walk into people's houses and try and negotiate?”

Carmy did his best to control the warm fluttery feeling in his chest, the weeks without you were hard and the fact that your laugh could ease his full body ache was enough for him to realize just how much he wanted you as a constant in his life. “I didn’t think I’d make it this far.”

A silence lapsed between the two of you as you helped unpack the rest of the food. This whole situation felt like a bad idea, you definitely weren’t over Carmen’s stunt or the previous incidents where he let you down. But you had been skating through this year on borrowed time, and the time apart helped to calm your anger, you felt like you were in a much more level headed place to finally figure out what the hell this thing was between the two of you. And Pete’s words at lunch helped to give you a new perspective on the whole situation.

“What the hell are we even making?” Baking was your preferred form of cooking, so as you looked at all the ingredients laid out it was a bit confusing to piece the meal together.

The sound of your voice warmed Carmen’s senses, the silky tone danced through his ears buzzing against his brain. “Chicken Marsala.”

You nodded, declining a glass of wine with dinner was one thing, but now looking at the new bottle of Marsala that would be in your meal, you’d have to decline the whole dinner.

“That sounds so fucking delicious but I…I actually can’t eat it.”

Carmen stopped his ministrations with the ingredients, “No you’re good I uh I didn’t get anything you’re allergic to.” His eyes darted across the ingredients double checking that he hadn’t bought any compromising ingredients.

“Thank you, Carm, your consideration is thoughtful.” The extra measure made your heart rate speed up.

It was crazy really how the same man standing in your kitchen swearing up and down he didn’t buy any foods you were allergic to, could also be the same man who came across as uncaring.

“I appreciate the effort I do but…” Your heart felt like it was going to pound out of your chest. How could you admit to your best friend, the person who once knew you most, that almost a year ago you were staring at blank hospital walls as some doctor explained to both you and Natalie just how close to death you were? “Carmy I-”

The hand resting on your elbow helped to calm your breathing, it wasn’t like you weren’t ready to admit your overdose to Carmy, you were just worried about the aftermath. “Baby hey, you with me?” You felt the hand skate down your arm, Carmy’s thumb soothingly caressing your pulse point.

You turned to face Carmen searching his eyes, doing your best to memorize the way he looked at you, unsure if you’d ever be graced with this intimate gaze again. “Carmen I…I’ve been sober for 7 months.”

The silence in your kitchen was loud, You needed Carmy to say something to you, yell at you, call you a hypocrite for blowing up on him all those weeks ago when you had been the one lying to him this whole time. It would be easier if the blank wide-eyed look on his face morphed into one of disgust, hatred, hell any emotion would’ve been welcome. “You fuckin’ with me right?” The apprehension in his voice was the result of not knowing if he could bear to hear the idea that something so heinous could plague you.

The wobble of your bottom lip was enough, Carmen’s eyes skated across your face landing on the three prominent features that had been added to your appearance; the tiny scar on your upper lip, the one between your brows, and the jagged raised one stretching the length of your jaw.

“What the fuck happened to you, Baby?”

The shower you just finished was much needed, Carmy volunteering to pick up different ingredients while you relaxed before the two of you began this search for the truth. He didn’t say it but you knew he needed some time to internalize the small piece of truth you told him, to rationalize just how much you had gone through in your time apart.

You could hear Carmen shuffling around in your kitchen as you stepped out of the bathroom, steam following you out. Grabbing your moisturizer you moved to sit on the edge of your bed, mind racing to figure out what you were even doing putting yourself in this situation.

These past three weeks without Carmen felt needed, you were thankful for the time apart to focus on yourself and your wellbeing. But it always felt like there was a piece of you missing, it felt like that every time the two of you parted ways. The difference was instead of spending the time apart worrying over Carmy every minute you had finally put yourself first, and began living for yourself just like Tina had advised all those years ago.

And while a part of you wanted to continue this childish charade of ignoring Carmy, only showing up at the restaurant when Richie assured you he wouldn’t be there; you couldn’t. It took too much energy to live your life around Carmen’s especially since the two of you were so much more involved with each other than you had been in a while. Even without Pete’s words of advice, you could see the toll it was taking on the people around you. Natalie was too scared to even mention her brother for fear you’d have a meltdown. Richie’s anger for your situation souring his relationship with Carmen. And Carmen himself, he who had become a haggard sunken-in version of himself, the time apart affected him the worst his patience nowhere to be seen from the few times Richie had offhandedly mentioned him in your presence.

The two of you had been in each other's lives for longer than you could remember and you didn’t want to lose that friendship over your pride. During your time away from Carmen, you had come to the decision that you would be fine if all that was fated to be between you two was a friendship.

More recently you had decided that maybe it was for the best, maybe the two of you were never meant for anything more, anything good. Maybe it was naive to think you deserved anything good with all the hurt your selfish choices caused. Maybe it was best not to take any time and attention away from your recovery. This friendship was just a whole bunch of fucking ‘maybes’ recently.

But one could say that ‘friendship’ went out the window when the two of you crossed that blurred line a year ago.

You paused as your hand reached for the old crew neck you’d usually sleep in, as much as you loved the garment you couldn’t allow yourself to give Carmen any false hope about what would come from this. Walking into your closet you quickly grabbed your oversized ‘The Beef’ crew neck, slipping it over your head before stepping into your sleep shorts and a pair of fuzzy socks.

Exiting your bedroom you stopped by your record player, buying yourself time before you’d have to face Carmen and all the truth that would be exposed in this one conversation alone. You flicked through your vinyl selection before picking your favorite one, needing something comforting for everything that was bound to transpire.

You entered your kitchen seeing Carmy’s back at your stove sent an ache through you. The man cooking in your kitchen was a vision you had more than once, it was almost right, the only thing missing was the small figure you imagined standing in a chair next to Carmy watching from over his shoulder.

“Smells delicious Carm,” you sent a tired smile his way as he looked over his shoulder at you, eyes falling just above his own, no courage left in you to take in the look he was giving you. “What did you end up cooking?” Carmen’s eyes were stuck to you, your words falling on deaf ears, you fidgeted in your spot, the insecurity of being judged by the one person you didn’t think you could handle it from, weighed heavy on you.

Carmen cleared his throat as he watched you sink into yourself. He hadn’t meant to make you feel any type of way with his stare, he was just having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that things had been so bad for you and he had no idea because of his selfish inclinations. “It’s uh Chicken Alfredo, I thought it was safest.”

The air in the kitchen was tense, neither of you knowing how to be around the other at this moment, and you hadn’t even gotten down to the harsh truth of everything yet. “Can you…uh what do you mean you’re sober? I-I know what it means jus-I,” you watched as Carmy closed his eyes, a huff escaping him as he couldn’t articulate what he wanted to say. “Baby, help me understand. Please?”

You could hear the thickness in Carmy’s voice, the two of you watching each other with matching glazed stares. You stood frozen for a minute, your fight or flight instincts kicking in and it took everything in you not to leave the conversation as it was. A sigh escaped you before you nodded your head and hopped to sit on the island, fingers picking at the stray threads on your shorts.

Carmy turned the fire on the stove down before turning to lean against the counter next to your stove, the two of you now facing each other. The distance between you felt like it stretched on for miles, and maybe it did, the two of you didn’t know each other like you once used to. You and Carmy weren’t the same teenagers who shared everything, even the smiles you shared at this point in life held a different meaning.

You never knew where to start this story, was it better to ease the person in, or was it better to just rip the band-aid off all at once? “Now that I’m better I don’t think any reason was good enough for what I did to myself…what I did to the people I love. But uh, Mikey’s death was definitely a catalyst for everything.” You looked up to see Carmy watching you intensely, arms crossed over his chest, you can’t remember a time you’d ever seen him look so serious.

“I was alone, and maybe that’s just an excuse. We…we just buried Mikey, and I was scared to believe he was really gone, it didn’t feel right. I didn’t want it to be true.” You sucked in a deep breath trying to gather your thoughts. “I stayed in Chicago for a long time after that, your mom…gosh she was a mess and I understood why her grief was valid, but I…I just knew Nat couldn’t, didn’t deserve to fix things alone, so I just kept extending my stay.” The small sigh Carmen breathed was lost as you settled more and more into your explanation.

“An-And Richie was doing his fucking best to keep The Beef open but I could tell it was taking a toll on him. Tiff had filed for divorce just months ago and then he was dealing with Mikey’s passing. And I think, I thought if I just helped everyone get better I wouldn’t need to grieve, because I was surrounded by all the people I loved, and their wellbeing mattered most to me.” Carmen’s eyes stayed on your figure allowing your words to settle into him, it hurt knowing how much slack you had to pick up because he couldn’t bring himself to face the music.

Quiet sniffles came from where you sat atop the island. “Carm, you weren’t there…and I promise I’m not blaming you for the decisions I made, none of that is on you. But I just wanted my best friend, and I just needed to know you were okay. And when you weren’t at the funeral my mind went to the worst thoughts first. But then I…I just showed up in New York and you acted like your world wasn’t ending and then I just felt selfish because how was it that your brother just died and I was the one acting like I’d lost the person I looked up to most.” Carmy could feel his chest tighten, your words becoming less and less easy to swallow the more you spoke.

“And for a moment it was like the world stopped screaming like all I needed was your presence to assure me that everything would be okay,” a small sad smile rose to your lips as you thought about your time spent with Carmy in New York. “It-it was blissful and everything I wanted but I knew it was ending, we both knew it was ending you didn’t see a future with me.” You had to stop yourself, a sob sure to be ripped out if you didn’t give yourself a minute, “And I accepted your decision, it was for the best.”

You hugged your knees to your chest, barely beginning to scratch the surface of the worst of what you’d done. The new position provided you the comfort and protection you felt you needed. “I got back to Chicago, and I was only supposed to be here for a few more weeks but then…then I-I got sick and Rich-.” You clasped your hands over your mouth unsure if you could lay all your indiscretions on Carmy at once, unsure if you could mentally handle the toll the two confessions you desperately needed to make would take on you.

Rough palms enclosed your cheeks, moving your head so that you were face to face with Carmy. You could see the unshed tears in his doe-blue eyes, but other than that he didn’t seem to be affected. “Take your time, yeah?” He nodded his head waiting for you to nod along with him so you knew it was okay. The left side of his lips ticked up in a half smile, you let him lean in and place a delicate kiss on your forehead before he moved out of your space. “I’m here okay, I’ll listen for as long as you let me.”

Carmen was making this harder than it needed to be, how could you justify telling him one secret and not the other when he was being so understanding? Carmy made to move back to his original position, your grip on his hand stopping him, a quiet sigh escaping his lips at how fragile you looked. “Lemme turn off the stove okay?” You reluctantly let go of his hand, scared that at the loss of contact, he would take his chance to flee from you.

You watched as he turned the stove off, moving the food he had been cooking to the back burners, you felt bad that he had cooked for the two of you and neither of you would be enjoying it. He moved around the kitchen fear spiking in you as you thought for sure he was going to leave, to wipe his hands of you. He returned to you with a glass of water that he delicately placed in your hands before replacing your legs to their original position and taking his spot between them. Carmy’s finger tapped the glass in your hands “Drink up.” A small nod was your only response as you did as told you before setting the glass down beside you.

Carmy returned his hand to your grasp nodding to let you know he was ready to continue if you were, you took one last deep breath mind made up on how you would handle the rest of this conversation. “He uh Richie, he found me in the walk-in. You know that moment when you know something is wrong but you don’t know how you know. It was kind of like that, like Richie and I both knew I had done something wrong and Carmy,” your voice quivered as your eyes met his, the tears falling at a faster pace as he looked at you so earnestly, hanging onto every word you said. “I’m so sorry.”

Carmen’s brows furrowed, eyes widening as you collapsed against him incoherent apologies addressed to him spewing from your lips. His head came to rest atop of yours as you shoved your face into his chest your words turned to messy babbling as you tried to choke out words through your sobs. For all his social ineptitude Carmy knew there was something you weren’t telling him, something you weren’t being entirely honest about, and he wasn’t sure how it tied into your sobriety. But the way you were apologizing to him made him feel like he was partly responsible.

Your cries were beginning to grow in volume and Carmy was at a loss for what to do. He’d seen you cry before, hell he’d caused most of it but he couldn’t recognize you at this moment. The sobs that escaped you were echoing through the quietude of your house, you had never been an audible crier, usually a few tears escaping your eyes were the most Carmen had gotten. But these cries wracked your entire body, Carmy could feel them rattling his rib cage each sob breaking his exterior down more and more.

He wrapped his arms around you letting your tears soak his shirt, his tears beginning to run down his cheeks. The grip he had on you tightened ever so slightly as you sobbed your throat raw. Carmen needed to know what could’ve caused this reaction, he needed to know what you could ever have to apologize to him for. He felt you moving to get out of his grip, but he held you there as his tears dripped into the crown of your head, quickly wiping his eyes before he pulled back from you allowing you a fresh breath of oxygen.

“Carmy?” Your voice was scratchy as you played with his fingers avoiding any form of eye contact, you raised his knuckles to your lips kissing the ‘ou’ on his middle and ring finger. “Could you hold me for a little bit?” You raised your head to Carmy’s doing your best to send him a reassuring smile, to let him know everything would be okay.

Carmen frowned, he knew that smile anywhere. Even when you were so obviously going through something he couldn’t quite yet understand you would put his feelings before your own. He let out an exasperated sigh your need to put others well being before your own a habit he swore to himself he’d break.

The hand you kissed raised to your face, a light grip on your chin as his thumb caressed the space beneath your lower lip. Carmy leaned forward placing a soft lingering kiss on the scar between your eyebrows, “Let’s take a break yeah?” Carmy watched your body deflate.

He took a step back as you hopped off of the island, the two of you moving to your L-shaped couch. Carmy laid down opening his arms to hold you like the two of you had done hundreds of times while growing up. He knew the gesture would pull a smile out of you, a soft chuckle leaving him as you easily snuggled into him. Your face reverting to its home in his chest, his chin once again resting against the top of your head.

The light atmosphere was short-lived as you relaxed into Carmy, all of your words finally beginning to sink into him. He was happy for the intermission the time would help him to understand what you had told him thus far, to figure out how he could ever make up for the way he constantly held the door open and let you walk out of his life. The way he essentially cut you out of his life because he was afraid to admit to himself that what he felt for you for all these years wasn’t just lust and longing, but love.

Carmy’s fingers had been gently rubbing your scalp for the past forty-five minutes, the position the two of you were in reminiscent of a scene from New York when you visited. Now it was being translated in your own home, Carmy was laying on the couch one arm settled behind his head to prop it up, looking down on you to make sure you were okay. You were settled between his legs, your upper body pressed into his stomach as your head rested on his sternum.

“Baby?” Carmy did his best to whisper, not wanting to disturb you in case you had fallen asleep.

“Hmm?” Your response was so quiet it was easy to miss, Carmy was unsure if you had let out a quiet hum or if you were making noises in your sleep.

He stopped his ministrations on your scalp, his lips ticking up at the soft whine you let out “You asleep?” The question was followed by his fingertips resuming their massage.

“No, your heartbeat is just soothing.” You snuggled your face deeper into Carmen’s stomach, the movement raising goosebumps on his exposed arms. “Carm?” Your quiet voice drew his attention the apprehension clear on his features as he prepared himself for the words soon to leave your mouth. “There’s something that I need to tell you…something that you deserve to know. B-but I don’t think I can do it tonight. And I know that’s not fair to you but I think for my own sake I need to be in a better space mentally.” You shuffled around again turning to lie facedown, one of your cheeks rested against Carmy’s stomach so you could comfortably look up at him.

The confusion in his eyes was evident, whatever it was you couldn’t tell him was making him beyond nervous. It was hard because you had never kept a secret from him unless you absolutely needed to, and when you did it was never for anything more serious than a gift you were getting for him. But he knew he couldn’t force whatever truth you had to tell out of you, a part of him felt a bit relaxed, not knowing how much bad news he could take in the span of one night.

Carmy’s hand reached out palming the side of your face, thumb grazing back and forth in the space just beneath your eye, “You can share it with me when you’re ready m’kay? I’ll wait as long as you need me to.” He pushed a stray piece of hair behind your ear, watching as your eyes closed, a slight grimace on your face as you leaned into his palm more.

“You’re going to hate me, Carmen.” The words left your mouth with so much conviction all Carmy could do was frown, the idea of ever hating you would have never crossed his mind. He wanted to reassure you but lost his chance as you abruptly sat up, the movement caused him to sit up as well, the two of you only inches apart now facing each other. You forced a smile as your side relaxed on the couch, head propped against it as your eyes wandered around Carmy’s features. “Let’s just get through tonight and then we’ll worry about everything else.” You were exhausted. Carmy could tell by the way your blinking slowed, he wanted you to stop, to get some sleep, to put your needs before whatever made you feel like you owed him any explanation.

“Bab-,”

“I was in the hospital for a bit because I…I was sick. But after they discharged me I had been gone from my own life for so long I was so close to not having anything to return to. So I came home and forced the past month into a literal box in my closet, pretended none of it happened.” You were running on fumes at this point, with no regard for whether Carmy was even still listening to you, just this force within you driving you to finish the story.

“There was uh one thing that I couldn’t force myself to get rid of-,”

“The voicemail.” Your eyes shot to Carmy's, his silence easily making you forget he was even still here, that you were recounting these memories for a reason. You nodded eyes unfocused as you looked past him, would there ever be a time you could remember that part of your life without flinching every time you thought about it?

“It started slow, I was just getting back into the swing of things remembering what it was like to be alone after being in Chicago surrounded by people who actually cared about me. I would go out with my co-workers after a shift, drink just enough that I could get myself home, but not enough for anyone to worry about me.” A sardonic laugh left your lips, you were sure nobody would care about you, and you hardly had any strong ties to the West Coast.

“It helped…until it didn’t until I was drinking so much it was almost like my body was immune to the effects. But who needs their liver am I right?” The pinch to your thigh jolted you. Carmy wasn’t welcoming your self-deprecating jokes.

You raised your hands in defense, a humorless chuckle leaving you. “If I’m being honest, I don’t even remember getting that first prescription…not even the ones after it.”

“Wait,” Carmy moved so his feet were firmly planted on the floor, legs spread as he rested his elbows on his thighs. “What the fuck does a prescription have to do with this? Baby?” Carmy wasn’t stupid, he didn’t need you to spell it out for him but the sliver of hope in him was dwindling as the minutes of silence continued to tick by.

You shrugged, moving to sit crisscross applesauce staring blankly at Carmy’s side profile, one of his legs bouncing up and down. “You know they really should make those warnings bigger. About not mixing drugs and alcohol, the font is so tiny how cou-,”

“Stop!” You didn’t even flinch at the loud volume of Carmy’s voice, eyes following his figure as he flew up from the couch. The man was now pacing in front of you, one hand settled on his hip as the other furiously swiped across his forehead. “Why do you…do you…fuck!” The vein on his neck protruded with his frustration. “How do you just sit there and make fucking jokes about this shit Baby! Why the fuck is any of this funny to you?”

The urge to defend yourself was surging through you, in a way you knew Carmy’s reaction was valid. But it wasn’t like there was a handbook on the proper way to deal with your trauma, and you wouldn’t allow him to tell you right from wrong.

“What the fuck do you want from me, Carmen! I did it okay! I drank and I took the fucking drugs and when that shit stopped working on its own I thought hmm why the fuck not mix them because what the fuck could possibly be worse than living. In some fucked up way did I think it would help me understand Mikey? Maybe. It’s not like I fucking planned this shit! I didn’t plan to become addicted okay, that wasn’t supposed to happen I had a system…I had a fucking system.” It was like everything was becoming clearer the moment those last words left your mouth, you may not have planned the beginning, but as you thought back to what could’ve been your last moments you were almost certain some still sane part of you knew what you were doing.

Soft laughter left your lips as the pieces were starting to fit together in your head, the sound only growing in volume as you realized just how fucked up you were. Your eyes were unfocused as your gaze flew to Carmy, the whisper of ‘Baby’ lost in your internal revelation.

“I threw myself through that glass door, not on purpose I can’t even remember why the fuck I wanted to get outside so bad. But I-I remember swallowing those two extra pills and thinking what the fucks gonna happen to me huh, I’ve lasted this long.” Carmen couldn’t recognize you, the tears had started again but he was certain you couldn’t even tell, you looked possessed, your eyes flashing all around the room a wicked smile painted your lips as you spoke to no one in particular.

“Barely made it past the threshold before my body gave out, I wish I could remember, even if only for a second. What it felt like to have your body want something more than your brain did. But you know what the fuck happened Carmen?” Your eyes finally shot to his, you looked like a skittish animal ready to fight Carmy to the death if he encroached on your territory.

A sardonic laugh left your lips, your tongue swiping across them, the saltiness of your tears a shock to you. “I woke up and there Natalie was, right beside me. And you know my first thought wasn’t what happened to me or-or what the hell is Nat even doing here? I didn’t even pay her any attention the whole first two hours, and you wanna know what I was thinking Carmen?”

“Don’t.” The plea escaped his lips in a whisper your heart clenched at how desolate he looked.

“I laid in that hospital bed, and I looked at those stupid fucking fluorescent lights and I thought; Mikey got it right the first time, why couldn’t I.”

Carmen felt numb, like his whole body had been submerged in an ice bath and no matter how hard he fought to get out, it was like his body and mind were on two different wavelengths. He’d seen that stare before, in the eyes of his brother, the same way Mikey looked at Lee at Christmas dinner all those years ago was the same way you were looking at him now in your living room.

He wasn’t sure if there was a proper reaction to the truth you had just dropped. Mikey was dead, that made things easier, but here you were alive and well from what he could tell and he would have his time to mend things with you if that’s what he wanted. But he wasn’t sure he could stand in such proximity as you at that moment, wasn’t sure if he could even look at you. You had been the second closest person to Mikey, presumably knew he was doing drugs, knew he was spiraling out of control, and followed right after him.

Was there anything Carmy could have done to alter your path? Maybe if he had stayed by your side that night after Christmas you wouldn’t be standing here now talking to him about how badly you wanted to end it all.

Carmy drew in a sharp breath a small sob following it as he tried to control his emotions, he began taking small steps in your direction not sure of what he was going to do, but needing you to know his silence wasn’t because he was disgusted or disappointed in you; but in himself. How easy it would’ve been to keep in contact with you after high school graduation, how easy it would’ve been to just let himself love you and take care of you, be there for you. And as much as he wanted to believe you knowing how he felt would’ve changed much, he knew it was naïve, addiction was an illness and even if Carmen had fought harder to keep you in his life there’s no promise that he wouldn’t have been the one to find you floating in the space between life and death.

He slowly reached out to you, hands carefully grasping your cheeks in his eyes, committing your face to memory, mind racing with all the times he took being able to see it daily for granted. “Ba-baby, tell me you don’t mean that,” he waited, eyes rapidly flicking back and forth from yours. His grip on your face was just loose enough for you to send him the saddest smile he’d ever had the chance to see, “Please?” The broken whisper floated between the two of you before your head softly nodded up and down to confirm that indeed he was almost forced to live without you.

And this time it wasn’t his choice.

Carmy sat on the floor in front of your couch, back resting against it, head tipped back to rest on the cushion face pointed toward the ceiling. All he could hear were the soft breaths escaping you and his thudding heart in his ears. It took a while before you had finally calmed down, Carmy held you in his arms on the floor as the two of you cried. Your sounds lashing against his heart over and over again. He was exhausted, more than he usually was, the night far from what he hoped it would be. He was so overwhelmed by all that you had been willing to reveal to him, that the instinct to do something with his hands as you slept took over, the man dutifully cleaned your kitchen and stored the uneaten food away for you to eat at a later date.

And now here he was, back at your side finally coming to terms with everything he learned. Carmy felt like a fool he had prided himself on his friendship with you, always made it a big deal that you were his friend first, his friend by choice. But it had been almost 10 years since he decided to shut you out of his life with no reason, no explanation why and it was selfish of him. Selfish that he had so blindly pushed you away without a thought to how it would make you feel. Selfish of him to always expect your acceptance and open arms when it was convenient for him to re-enter your life.

He let out a small sigh raising his head from its position on the couch, eyes latching onto the dated picture atop your mantle, your cheesy smile staring back at him as Richie and Mikey surrounded you. His eyes poured over the picture, taking in how happy the three of you looked, and how simple everything was when the two of you were teenagers. A quiet humorless laugh escaped his lips as he reminisced, he was lying to himself if he thought your time as teens was simple, but compared to the lives the two of you were leading it sure as hell did feel that way.

Carmy allowed himself a moment longer to enjoy the happiness the picture exuded. He gave it one last glance before he adjusted his position on the floor, turning slightly so his side was leaned into the couch, eyes landing on your face as you slept. It felt like his heart was constantly breaking whenever he looked at your face, it was evident you’d been crying, the puffiness of your eyes easily giving it away. He reached his hand out, hesitating for just a second before he pushed the hair out of your face palm resting on your cheek as he began to softly stroke in back and forth. Since the first time he saw you this year, this was the most peaceful you had looked, he was glad that sleep had been able to bring you that sense of tranquility, but he wanted that for you always, to feel at peace on any given day and as he watched you back moving up and down to signify the breaths your were taking, he promised himself he’d provide that for you; even if it was only as friends.

“What am I gonna do with you, Baby?” The hoarse words left him in a sigh, a small smile making its way to his lips as he watched your nose scrunch up at the sound of his voice, eyelids slightly twitching.

He watched as you turned to lay on your side, lips brushing across his pulse point a small kiss now decorated his veins. “Still be my best friend?” Carmy laughed at your small voice taking up the space between the two of you. Your eyes slowly fluttered open, thankful that Carmy had figured out how to dim the lights in your living room. “Do you remember that promise we made the summer before seventh grade?” Your voice was scratchy from all the sobbing and borderline screaming from earlier.

Carmen nodded his head, a small smile raised on his lips, hand moving from your cheek to cup the back of your neck. “Of course, I do,” the smile only lasted for so long as he was forced to remember a promise he broke with no regard. “That we’d be best friends no matter what, even though we didn’t want each other’s cooties.” Carmy was happy to hear the sound of your melodious laughter, he spent so much time listening to your broken cries he was afraid he’d never know anything else.

“I’m sorry Carmen, I…I didn’t mean to blow up on you. I think telling you about my overdose…it helped me come to terms with it myself.” Your eyes were lidded, all the crying made them feel heavy, if Carmy wasn’t here in front of you right now you were sure you would’ve been dead asleep.

A small content sigh escaped you as Carmy’s thumb ran back and forth across the side of your neck, “You have nothing to apologize for we-I know I haven’t been a great friend to you these past years. And for that I’m sorry. I wish…I wish I could explain to you why I pushed you away but Baby,” Carmy paused heart thudding in his chest, the words were there, maybe not in the way one would expect but it was you; you would know what he meant even if he was speaking in another language.

“I uh I can’t even explain it to myself. But..I would like for us to be friends again if you’ll have me?” Carmy sent a tight-lipped smile your way, he couldn’t do it. He felt selfish for even thinking now was the time to propose the initial idea in his mind. Maybe it was an excuse, maybe not, but he didn’t think it would be fair to put you in that position. You had just told him such a harrowing truth about yourself and if his first instinct after hearing such was to ask to be more than friends it would feel insincere. Carmy wasn’t even sure you would want a relationship with him, you were sober, and recovering and Carmy wouldn’t allow himself to mess that up for you with his presence having been such a soul-sucking and negative thing in your life these past few years.

“I think that’s just what I need right now…a friend.” It was silent for a moment between the two of you, Carmy had prepared himself for the worst on the drive over, and although he could feel a lump forming in his throat and the ache in his chest, he forced a small smile on his lips upon hearing your words. “You kept it on there?” His eyes found yours confusion marring both of your features, at his silence your hand reached out delicately tracing the pendant settled against his signature white shirt.

Of all the times you’d seen Carmy you knew he still wore his chain, it was a part of him. You had caught glimpses of the gold peeking out from his shirt, but you would have never thought he wore the pendant you’d impulsively bought before leaving New York. You remember regretting having left the newly added accessory on his chain when you left his apartment, sure it made you seem like some desperate lover who had never even actually been a lover, just some girl too naive to see all the signs she was being given.

Your eyes flicked between Carmy’s waiting for his response, his cheeks tinting pink the longer you looked at him for an answer. The hand that wasn’t settled against your skin reached up to rub at the back of his neck. “I nev-I… uh never leave home without it.” The admission made your skin tingle, Carmy’s finger subconsciously tracing the lone letter you carried everywhere with you. “It uh, reminds me of you…of us.”

“There were forget-me-nots in the bouquet Willie made me,” you sent Carmy a small smile, although temporary, the sight of that bouquet filled you with happiness the short time you did spend with it. “Also I know you didn’t have shit to do with the flowers Willie put in that bouquet.” Carmy let out a small laugh face warming at the memory of old man Willie’s meddling.

Your thumb on the pendant began tracing the engraved letter, “This was like my form of a forget me not, something that was permanent, would never wilt with time…I just wanted you to have something to remember me by.” Carmen watched your lips stretch into a small smile, he knew what your words meant, but after learning about all you’d gone through it felt like your final words had a double meaning like if things had gone as you wished them to, this would be the only piece he had left of you.

A part of you felt shy sharing the reasoning behind gifting Carmy the pendant, the two of you were barely friends as it was and the flowers had been so personal to you, that you weren’t sure you wanted to let Carmy into that piece of your world even though he played a huge part in it without even knowing.

“Is that what they signify? Remembrance?” Carmen’s thumb ran back and forth across the scar on your jaw, tapping it twice to pull your attention to his.

You gave the pendant one last longing look, dropping it before your eyes finally locked on his, “Something like that.” You shrugged having to swallow the urge to confide in Carmen one last time tonight.

The two of you stayed like that with Carmy’s hand holding onto the side of your face, thumb trying to imprint the jaggedness of your scar to its memory. Your eyes became heavier the longer Carmy delicately stroked your face. The man made no move to wake you as you slowly began drifting back into the world of dreams, the same look of peacefulness he saw earlier had easily returned, the ghost of your past so evidently marked into your skin in the shape of your scars. He felt like he was able to finally release the breath he’d been holding in, his eyes skated across your face; a face he always considered to be a work of art, one he could never perfectly capture on paper.

As he watched you sleep Carmen came to terms with exactly what was left between the two of you now. For all intents and purposes the two of you were friends again, or at least on friendly terms, and as much as he tried to convince himself he would be happy to keep you in his life in whatever capacity you allowed; he knew that was a lie. But the only person he could really lay blame on was himself, you had been ready and waiting for him before he even realized he loved you and now that he was finally ready to take that next step with you there was no longer space in your heart for him.

Carmen watched you for a moment longer, thumb lingering against your scar before he finally had enough restraint to pull himself away. There was a part of him that would’ve stayed planted in that spot all night just to watch over you, make sure the moment he turned his back you wouldn’t suddenly disappear never to be gazed upon by him again. He quietly stood up, careful not to make too much noise and wake you, hand grabbing the blanket lying atop the head of your couch before he gently draped it across you.

He lingered in front of you every fiber in his body, willing him to stay there by your side, to be there when you woke up. But moments like that were no longer his to take; they never had been. Carmy let out a sorrowful sigh before he bent down to your level placing a soft kiss full of love and longing to the indentation between your eyebrows. What could have been, what never was would always stick with him but he would set his wants and needs to the side, and he would appreciate having another moment with you still in his life.

The two of you had seemed to come to an understanding now, and that’s all he could ask for. You said you needed a friend and that’s what he’d be; your needs were his needs.

a/n: in honor of turning twenty-three i present thee with the gift of suffering 🤪, anyway not sure how i feel about this chapter but we shall see. also i know it seems like everything between baby and carmy may have been resolved rather quick, but i feel like everything is very not obviously resolved. happy readings! 🤍

also: huge shoutout to @mr-robot-x for her impeccable song recs when it comes to this fic and the losers i write about. asleep by the smith’s heavily inspired this chapter. (which you would all know if you took my song inspo seriously 😐) just kidding but seriously it genuinely helped me get through this chapter! 🤍

#the songs are so good #asleep by the smiths!!!#i also listened to lullaby by sia highly recommended #this chapter had me…#idk who’s reaction hurt worse carmy or richies #the RELEARNING YOUR PERSON TAG 🥲#carmen berzatto x reader #the bear fic

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suspiciouslackofclowns · 2 years ago

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Some silly Eddie headcanons while I’m fighting sleep:

He paints his nails dark colors, normally black, and even sometimes deep blues or reds. His toenails are also always painted, but no one knows that because he never really takes his shoes/socks off around anyone other than his partner(s). He always paints them bright pink because that’s secretly one of his favorite colors. No one knows that about him either.

Ever since he was younger, he and Wayne have had this tradition of swinging by the nearest restaurant, usually Benny’s Burgers, to get a milkshake after Eddie got out of school. This continued all the way up until Eddie started driving himself, even if his grades weren’t always the best.

He’s allergic to cats, but he never tells anyone because “allergies aren’t very metal” and suffers in silence apart from the sneezing and sniffling when he visits Dustin’s house because Tews is too cute not to pet.

Eddie has a massive fear of bugs. He hears a cricket chirping in the trailer? He’s sleeping in the van tonight. There’s a spider in the corner of his bedroom? Sleeping in the van tonight. Cockroach ran across the carpet? Fuck it, he’s moving out.

Footloose is one of his comfort movies and he’ll absolutely die if anyone finds out (they find out, and he unfortunately lives).

Fantasy is his special interest, hence his hyperfixations on D&D and LOTR, and he nerds out about it constantly. He’s the type of ADHD-haver to be virtually unable to focus on anything unless it meets the bare minimum requirement of one of his interests, which is why he has so much trouble in school — he loves to read fiction, loves to write and do math and learn new things, but only if it pertains to something like playing D&D, for example. But learning about western expansion and manifest destiny? Hard pass.

Confident bisexual. The only times he’s ever been kissed or has fooled around has been at concerts that he’s attended, where it’s normal to interact with strangers in such ways and not have to follow up with or see them ever again. This means that he’s a great kisser, but he has really no idea what he’s doing beyond that.

He sews his patches onto his vest with dental floss.

Very touchy guy. Gets in peoples’ faces a lot and comes up with excuses constantly to engage in physical intimacy.

Though he’s pretty close with his band members, he’s closer to Dustin than he is to any of them.

When he gets with his partner(s), he prefers to be the big spoon when cuddling. He’s always the one who insists on holding doors open and pulling chairs out at restaurants, with a bow and everything because he’s a romantic dork.

Has never owned or even worn a suit in his entire life. The first one he rents is to wear to Chrissy’s funeral.

He hates cheese and won’t eat it by itself. This causes arguments when he goes to the Harrington house to hang out because Steve loves cheese.

After hanging out with Robin and Steve for so long, he starts to substitute words like ‘groovy’ or ‘neat’ for his usual ‘metal’. This pisses him off to no end because those are literally the least metal words ever.

His favorite animals are alligators.

Billy is the only person in the group who understands his metal references and notices the new patches when they appear on his vest. He even gifts Eddie a Ratt pin at some point to add to it.

He’s the only person other than Lucas, on very special occasions, that is allowed to so much as touch Max’s skateboard.

He doesn’t talk in his sleep, per se, but he does yell and jerk randomly and it scares the living shit out of Steve the first few times they crash on the couch together while getting high.

No one but him is allowed to handle his guitar, and he always makes jokes about how he wants it buried with him when he dies because they’re soulmates.

After he survives the Vecna bullshit, he gets a tattoo of a demobat. Everyone hates it.

His nickname for Wayne is “pops”.

#eddie munson #billy hargrove #steve harrington #max mayfield #wayne munson #dustin henderson #chrissy cunningham #adhd!eddie #bi!eddie #harringroveson #mungrove #you know the drill #I’m not tagging the other ship #this is only a little shippy anyways tbh #st hcs

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shanitani · 3 years ago

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hey shanti babe 👩🏽‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏽 may i request hcs for smiley + draken + angry + baji with a black s/o nb plss 😋

HCS W/ SMILEY,DRAKEN,ANGRY, & BAJI

heyy reese 😁 yes ofc babe I hope u like them 💗 srry this took so long but I made this way longer than should’ve

smiley , draken , baji , angry x nb black s/o — fluff:)

SMILEY — NAHOYA

excuse how long this one will be, y’all know I love me some nahoya☹️🤞🏾

such a cutie<3

when y’all first met you met him and his brother

You were kind of intimidated at first by souya’s impression but smiley easily calmed your nerves.

“Hi! Im Nahoya! This is my brother!” He flashed a huge smile at you pointing to his brother, to Souya giving you a slight nod before turning away

You found Nahoya such a huge comfort, maybe it was his smile - but he seemed to genuine to heart.

Boy were you wrong tho… once you both got into a relationship you found out how protective he really was.

You always know sometimes coming when smileys smile tightens up and his eyes are closed. It means he’s plotting and where to hit first.

Nahoya sees red when he’s fighting , he can’t really stop until they’re defeated so you try and stray away from fights. Obviously he’d know not to lay a hand on you, but it does scare you to see him smiling like a maniac with blood on his fists.

Still , that smiley always made your day. You loved to walk with your boyfriend at parks or watch the sunset - something he rarely ever got to do let alone let his guard down.

He met your parents and he was so polite, bowing to them and greeting them with warm smiles. Your parents were skeptical of letting you date a gang member but all worries melted away the moment they saw how caring he was with you, it was almost like he left the “gang member” part of him outside of the door.

He’s in love with you scratching his head, he likes to lay his head down on your legs, looking up at you with admiration and love.

Nahoya loves to hear about your day, always putting in small inputs and laughs here and there - ultimately he just wants what’s best for you and never EVER wants you in danger.

It kind of helps that he is apart of a gang , there’s damn near 100 of them that can watch over you when he’s not around.

You need a ride somewhere and you don’t have money? Hold up he’s about to call angry to ride you over there. You need help getting away from a creep trying to get input on the manji gang? Baji coming just give him a second.

I feel like he’s not into PDA but like he’s not opposed to it either? Like kind of how he’s feeling that day? Most of the time he’s not but some times he just loves when you sit on his lap during meetings(in a non sexual way of course) or wants you by his side 24/7

Wash days are definitely in sync so you guys can do it together. A bunch of your hair color and salmon hair color all over the damn floor from detangling but it’s okay bc y’all Spotify playlist SLAPS.

tbh he loves doing washdays with you because he feels like it’s a date or tradition in some type of way, also you both get to style each-others hair and then watch movies for the rest of the night because lord knows it took y’all the whole day to wash your hair.

DRAKEN

such a sweetheart:(

You think it’s so cute how he turns from being hard in front of his gang, and then soft when you two are alone.

I feel like you knew Mikey, and then Mikey introduced you two.

“Hi I’m Y/N!” You looked up at him; not in the bit intimidated. “Oh, hi.” He slightly smiled at you, making your cheeks heat - it was undeniable that he’s attractive.

He blushes a lot whenever you spoke to him, especially on the tips of his cheek and on his ears.

When he first started crushing on you, it was when you complimented his tattoo.

“Woah I love your tattoo! Can I?” Asking to run your hand over the side of his temple, he simply nodded as you ran soft fingers over the dragon - he couldn’t help but soften his features at your feathery touches

Mikey was quietly laughing the whole time at his tall ass bestfriend getting so flustered by you.

Draken finally asked you out, and the date was more than casual - something you really enjoyed.

He was so nervous to ask you to be his significant other, but he finally had the guts to do so - which you said yes in return.

Not into PDA - but he’ll do slight touches of affection like a hand on the shoulder or waist just so you know he loves you in public and in private.

lord don’t let anyone come up to you… look all you want but don’t ask for your number. Then he’ll have to step in.

“they’re with me.” Putting a firm hand on the mans chest. Since he’s so tall, everyone immediately backs off.

in private he enjoys you running your hands over his hair when it’s out of its braid, and he loves listening to you talk about your day - since it’s not so often he can hear a regular person talk about normal things.

Like everyone else, he wouldn’t put you in danger. He’d let someone kill him before they lay a hand on you.

ANGRY — SOUYA

I don’t think I write angry that well so.. excuse this🗿

I feel like he’s not shy but hes just not as talkative yk?

like it took him a while to kind of warm up to you.. because you’re just really pretty!

“Hi I’m Y/N , I love your hair color.” You gasped looking at the bright blue Afro on his head

His frown stayed the same, just softened a bit and had a tint of red on his cheeks. “Thank you.”

From then on you tried to make him comfortable with you - which he was! It was kind of just hard to tell?

He really ain’t need to fight over you but if he needed too well shit!😁

but tbh you kinda reject them all before Angry even bats an eye

Honestly he loves that about you because it’s reassuring that you only want him.

Definitely not into PDA. rare occurrence if he holds your hand🗿

but in private he’s very vulnerable with you, his favorite thing is to watch movies with you and just lay on your chest while you play with loose curls on his head - quiet but sentimental.

BAJI

intimidating as FUCK at first

You introduced yourself to him and he was kinda like hey🧍🏻But then realized oh wait you’re gorgeous-

He starts to subtly talk to you more to try and redeem himself as not the blunt rude idiot he seemed out to be

He genuinely has a kind heart!!

When he asked you out of course you said yes, you two had an amazing time for your first date.

He started really enjoying you, asking if you wanted to be his s/o to which you replied yes!

Now… just like angry - hope someone doesn’t try hitting on you. Because Baji will jump in immediately.

“They have a boyfriend, move.” And the random guy quickly found his way off the floor and scrambled to some other people.

He’s not into PDA but he likes to give you quick pecks on the cheek - the gang definitely makes fun of him for it but he enjoys showing you small acts of affection in public

Likes to hold your hand too!!

A small moment he cherishes is you trying to put his hair into his ponytail and failing miserably because he kept coming undone quickly in fault of his silky hair.

“Love, you have to go a bit harder. You’re definitely not gonna hurt me.” He laughed at your sulking figure, kissing you to make up for the teasing.

Like smiley, he wants you to stay out of the gang - yes you go to say hi some times and you ride on his bike with him but it’s rare that you go every week.

It’s only because he wants you safe and not a threat or in any danger.

I feel like he says I love you after every time he goes to deal with “business” aka kicking ass because he never knows what could happen to him.

EDITED! (My stupid ass forgot the tag list last night)

@angiebug101 @myhoodacademia @kazuluvr @pharaohzehra @racistareversa

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solarwonux · 3 years ago

Text

84. “I can tell you’re stressed, let me fix that.”

roomate!junkook x f!reader

genre: smut

w.c: 3.2k

warnings: smut, fwb, Jungkook and his tattoos, tattooartist!jungkook, dom!jungkook if you squint, spiting, cum eating, oral sex (m receiving), a brief mention of voyeurism, briefly edited, also Jungkook is kind off fluffy, this couple is weird af y’all.

note: hello, Idk what I did but I’ve done it lol. This is also a drabble that will eventually be part of a bigger story that I have half outlines lol, so I hope you enjoy this preview. I hope you like it please let me know your thoughts. Enjoy.xx

MASTERLIST || PROMPTS

Fourth time’s the charm.

Jungkook thought as he made his way to the front door of the tattoo shop. He pulled on the handle rather harshly making sure it was closed. Last week he had forgotten to lock the door, resulting in a drunk stranger walking in demanding a tattoo. Thankfully, the stranger’s intrusion triggered the security alarm, waking Jungkook in a fright. He ran down the steps of his apartment - the one located above the shop, half naked, carrying the bat you and him kept by the front door, his heart pounding against his chest.

To say the least he was terrified. Scared that something would happen to the expensive tattooing equipment. Scared that Yoongi would fire him and therefore kick him out of the apartment, scared of something happening to you. His nerves subsided when he found the drunk stranger, passed out on the couch in the waiting room.

The equipment, his job and you were all safe.

Ever since then he had made it his mission, even writing it down on a highlighter yellow sticky note as a reminder; to check not once but four times if the front door was locked.

Jungkook sighed, giving the door one last pull, making it rattle against the locks, before deeming it locked. A fifth time wouldn’t hurt.

He turns around, walking past the waiting room and the reception desk. He does one last look over, mumbling underneath his breath, checking to see if he had done everything he needed to do on his to-do list before turning off the lights. Quickly, he pushed aside the colorful paint splattered curtain that hid the front door to his apartment to the general public. He pressed in the code, waiting for the lock to click, going over the appointments or lack there off he had the following day.

As of late, Jungkook, Yoongi, Jimin and Hoseok hadn’t had many clients come into the shop or request an appointment via instagram. He blames the rival shop that opened a few blocks away, and their stupid flash event, where they tattooed people for free. Of course they weren’t intricate pieces, small basic ones that you would pick out from the generic tattoo binder. But it still caused a dent in their clientele.

That night you came home after work to find the four tattooists, on the couch, shooting glares at the shop door, with a large bottle of whisky in between them, and their man-size ego down in the slumps. The solution was simple, at least it was in your head.

“Hold an event like theirs, maybe shirtless. I’ve only seen Jungkook’s abs because he loves walking around the apartment half naked but I’m sure you guys have a promising pair.” You suggested with a shrug, earning groans and complaints from the four artists on the couch.

Yoongi stood up first, holding a hand out as an attempt to regain his balance from the sudden movement. “I’m not degrading myself or my art for clients. I’m also not giving away my talent for free.” He slurred, pointing an accusatory finger in your direction, “and my abs are better than Kooks.”

“Alright, it was just a suggestion.” You held your hands up in defeat, taking a step back. “I’m going to bed, enjoy your pity party.” You smiled at them before making your way to the front door and disappearing.

In hindsight, maybe you were right. Except for the half naked part, that’s dangerous and goes against all tattoo etiquette. But maybe holding a flash event and offering tattoo’s half off was not a bad idea. It would surely bring back their clients and make way for new ones. He would have to bring it up to his coworkers tonight when they came over.

Jungkook sighed, stopping at the top of the stairs facing the final door that led to his living room. He could hear the loud poppy music you were playing behind the door. Living with you wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be when Yoongi first offered you the vacant room. You were clean, organized and relatively respectful of personal space, but he hated your music. It was generic and just way too bouncy and happy, it was a good thing you gave a great head, if not he would’ve begged Yoongi to kick you out long ago. Before he got attached.

He wasn’t a dick he just thought with his dick ninety nine percent of the time and right now it was very much needing a stress release. Jungkook punched in the final code and opened his front door, revealing you in nothing but a tight pair of leggings and a sports bra, sweat droplets running down your body as you followed along with the exercise video on youtube. You looked very much like you would look after the two of you finished fucking and it made his cock stir in his jeans.

“Did you lock the door?” You said in between breaths, squatting down, finishing your last rep of squats. Jungkook bit his bottom lip, nodding in response. His hands were down by his sides, itching to squeeze your ass, to pull you against him and take you on the couch. It wouldn’t be out of pocket either. He knew you would give in the second he gave you that lust filled look of his. The one that was desperate and needy and practically begging for your touch.

You stopped pausing the video and turned to look at him, hands on your hips, chest heaving in a poor attempt to catch your breath. Jungkook knew he was fucked. “Are you sure you locked the door?”

“Yes I checked five times tonight, have you had dinner?” He blinked rapidly, stuffing his hands in the pocket of his jeans hiding his hardening cock as best as he could.

“An hour ago.” You reassured, unpausing the workout video and positioning yourself in downward dog.

Jungkook looked up at the ceiling, taking deep breaths following your haggard ones and counted to ten. He couldn’t take it anymore; he needed you. Needed your mouth around him until he was painting the back of your throat white. Counting to ten once wasn’t enough to calm him down. It wasn’t until he was halfway through his third recount that he felt your arms circle around his waist, a faint kiss left underneath his earlobe, that he knew he was done for.

“I can tell you’re stressed, let me fix that.” You whisper leaving opening mouthed kisses down his neck tonguing the spot between his clavicle and neck. Jungkook’s eyes opened wide, his lips parting in an inaudible sigh.

“Fuck baby please.” He caved, taking your head in his hands and pushing you away before leaning down and capturing your lips with his, in a wet, messy and needy kiss. He didn’t care that your lips were salty due to the sweat, they felt like heaven against his.

You moaned into the kiss feeling the wet muscle of his tongue swiping against your bottom lip asking for access, in which you so rightfully gave him. His hand left your cheek and traveled down your neck until it was groping your boob through your thin sports bra. You pulled away to catch your breath for a few seconds, whimpering as his palm worked against your hardened nipple diligently before kissing him again, teeth clattering against one another.

He pulled away pushing your sports bra up releasing your boobs, his index fingers and thumbs pinching your nipples and pulling on them gently. “Jungkook, w-what do you want?” You moan, closing your eyes as he rolled your nipples between his sweaty palms. Not only did Jungkook love touching your ass, he also loved playing with your boobs, claiming they were the best pair of boobs he had ever seen in his entire twenty six years of life.

“Get on your knees baby girl, want to see your lips wrapped around me.” He mumbles against the crown of your head while he continues to knead at your boobs.

You nod kissing the outline of the tattoo that was peeking against the neck of his white t-shirt. You send him a wink. A deep hum leaves his lips as you slowly kissed your way down his clothed chest, until you were face to face with his jean cladded bulge. You looked beautiful, your eyes glossy with need and your mouth watering as you couldn’t wait for the weight of his cock against your tongue.

He puts his hand on the back of your head and pushes your face against his jeans, he was so hard he could feel himself pulsing with need. It didn’t help that your fingers were walking up his thighs at an agonizing pace, while your mouth was now kissing him through the fabric, satisfied hums leaving your lips. “You’re so fucking hard Kook.” You pull away finally unbuttoning his jeans, your fingers brushing against him while you unzip his pants slowly.

“You’re such a tease baby girl, almost makes me think that you want to get punished tonight.” He tilts his head, pushing his hips into your hands as you palmed him over his boxers, while your other hand pushes his jeans down, leaving him in only his t-shirt and black boxers.

You look up at him smirking, leaning in to kiss the tattoo decorating his thigh. You had gotten off on it many times before, it was your favorite pastime when you were needy and bored. “Maybe I do, take your shirt off.” You demanded, biting down on his skin making him jump.

He grabs your face, squishing your cheeks making you face him, “Be careful I’m not feeling very nice today.” The sinister look behind his eyes makes you shudder, “open your mouth,” You smile, parting your lips sticking your tongue out before Jungkook leans over, a glob of spit hitting your tongue making you moan in delight. “What do you say?” His grip on your cheeks is hard.

“Thank you sir.” You mewl, hooking your thumbs underneath the waistband of his boxers, wasting no time in freeing him. His cock was pretty, you had once told him that and it made him double over in laughter. No one had ever called his cock beautiful. Maybe big but never beautiful but you were a character and he should’ve expected a comment like that from you.

“Good girl, now go on, this is all you’re getting tonight so you better enjoy it.” He wraps his hand around himself, spitting down onto his length using it to lube himself up before guiding it to your slightly parted lips. He knew you loved to watch him touch himself, sometimes if you weren’t home and he was needy he would sit on the couch fucking his hand knowing you would walk at any minute and help him finish the job. Or sit in front of him on the coffee table, legs spread wide touching yourself, moaning his name like his fingers were inside of you instead of yours. If Yoongi knew the dirty escapades that happened behind the walls of the apartment above his tattoo shop he would never step foot inside again. Thankfully he didn’t know, yet.

You stick your tongue out and lick his head, rolling your nipples against the palm of your hands. The sight was award winning and Jungkook wanted to so badly get his camera out and capture the moment. To add to your shared collection. “So fucking sexy baby girl, always so good for me.” He tapped the head of his cock against your tongue before you close your lips around him, running your tongue underneath the head of his cock.

Jungkook’s hand came behind your head, guiding you further down his cock sending a thrum of arousal up his spine. You hollow out your cheeks looking up at him with watering eyes. He moans, gripping your ponytail, giving you an experimental thrust making you gag around him. It sounded like the beginning of a beautiful melody, not the ones that belonged to your shitty pop music but the one that would keep you up at night lost in thought.

“Fuck, your mouth feels like heaven.” He thrusts again, while you tug on the hem of his shirt. “Want to see me, look at my tattoos while I fuck your mouth?” He grunts, quickly discarding his shirt once he hears the needy moan that escapes your cock filled mouth. He knew his tattoos were your ultimate turn on. The reason you had gotten on your knees before him the first time after living together for a full year. He couldn’t say no, not when the only thought running through his mind was the stain your red lipstick would leave behind on his cock.

Calm him a douchebag or compare him to a hormonal filled teenager, he didn’t care. He was a man after all. One that hadn’t had sex in two years after his last girlfriend cheated on him with his brother.

Frankly, he needed an ego boost and you were there to give it to him, so he caved.

You pull off of him breathing heavily, a thread of saliva connects your lips to the head of your cock as you try to catch your breath. The sight was anything but underwhelming and enough to make him cum, but Jungkook hated his cum going to waste. He was healthy and young and it should go to good use.

“I-I want you to use my mouth, please.” You croak before dragging your tongue up and down his shaft. “Want you to cum in my mouth sir.” Mumbling, you tease his head with the tip of your tongue making him groan.

“Such a dirty mouth, it's a good thing I’m making good use out of it.” He says, a cocky smirk evident on his face. You nod happily, humming with please as you take him into your mouth again, sinking further, hollowing your cheeks moaning around him as you watch his face scrunch up in pleasure. His abs contract as he tries to control himself, at least until you give him the go ahead. And you do with a slight tap of your fingers against his thighs.

He growls, thrusting his hips into your mouth, guiding your head up and down, gagging around him. His cock feels hot and heavy against your tongue, making both of you moan simultaneously. “Always letting me use you, what would our friends say if they walked in. You know I invited them over for drinks, right?”

You whimper around him, closing your eyes at the thought of getting caught with him, balls deep down your throat. You hated that he had caught onto your slight voyeurism kink as it was only a matter of time where he threw all tattoo etiquette he knew and lived by out on the window and fucked you in his workshop, with only a thin curtain separating you and the rest of the shop.

His thrusts get more desperate. His orgasm was approaching quickly as he twitched inside of your mouth. You dig your nails into his thighs, creating crescent moons as you feel your lungs start to give out. He mutters a low fuck followed by a quick apology before he pulls away. You gasp resting your hand against your chest, your eyes are filled with tears, bubbles of saliva painting your chin. Jungkook swears he’s never seen a sight as beautiful as this one and once again he’s cursing himself for not giving himself enough time to grab his camera.

“Can you go more or do you need a break?” He whispers, eyes filled with concern while he caresses your cheek with his thumb.

You shake your head, “Just give me time to regain my breath.” With a soft smile you leave a chaste kiss against the tattoo decorating his hip. It was part of a bigger piece, one that adorned the entire right side of his body, but nevertheless for some odd reason it was your favorite one.

Jungkook nods, wrapping his hand around himself, muffled curses escaping his beautiful lips. “I’m so close, baby girl, just let me cum on your face.” He all but begs, gripping his cock tightly and thrusting his hips into his hand.

You pout, a sound of protest leaves your swollen lips making Jungkook roll his eyes. “You can blow me again later, open your mouth baby.” He tucks his lips in between his lips, hips casting into his hand desperately. The pool between your legs grows, overflowing as you watch the mesmerizing sight in front of you. God, he was so fucking sexy.

You open your mouth sticking your tongue. Jungkook throws his head back moaning your name in a sweet incantation, ropes of cum hitting your tongue and cheeks, while you moan along with him.

Jungkook opens his eyes, riding out his orgasm, painting your chin watching as you drag your tongue into your mouth swallowing his salty substance, humming in satisfaction. “J-Jungkook.” The needy way you say his name makes his cock twitch and he has to keep himself from getting hard again.

“You look so pretty baby girl, so fucked out and pretty, only for me.” He whispers, collecting the cum that was dripping down your chin with his thumb before bringing it up your lips, coating them. “So filthy too, thank you baby.” He leans down, running his tongue against your cheek collecting his cum before kissing you slowly and sensually, pushing his tongue inside of your mouth, coating the inside with his cum.

Jungkook hates his cum going to waste. You whimper, snaking your arms around his neck pulling him closer, sucking on his tongue. He grins against your lips and moves away, chuckling as you continue to chase his lips with yours. “I need you Kookie.” You sigh, a pout forming on your swollen lips. “Please just fuck me, use me. I don’t care anymore.” You let out a sob, your pussy throbbing begging to be touched.

He helps you up, circling his arms around your waist, nosing your hair as he sighs. He wants to give him, lead you to the couch, but the guys were going to be here at any minute and he couldn’t have time to please you the way he wanted to.

“Let’s go shower, I promise the second the guys leave I’ll eat you out like a starved man.” He suggests, leaving a light kiss against your forehead. He didn’t feel as stressed as he was earlier, but that’s all thanks to you and how easy it was for him to get lost in your world.

“Is that a promise?” You tilt your head curiously, toying with the hair resting against the back of his neck.

“I always keep promises, baby girl.”

#kpopscape #kdiarynet #jungkook smut #bts smut #jungkook fanfiction #bts fanfiction #jungkook fanfic #bts fanfic #jungkook x reader #bts x reader #jungkook imagines #bts imagines #jungkook scenarios #bts scenarios

683 notes · View notes

onlyswan · 4 years ago

Text

illicit affairs | jjk

→ pairing: jungkook x f!reader

→ genre: angst, smut (kind of), fluff (questionable tbh)

→ warnings: cheating, smut but not descriptive like yknow, hairpulling, a light tap (?) on the cheek, mention of safe word, reader is a masochist bc that’s what i am, infuriating ? . . . lmk if i missed anything please i’m sorry

→ word count: 1.5k

summary: don’t call me baby. look at this godforsaken mess that you made me. you showed me colors you know i can’t see with anyone else.

note: i’m mentally unstable that’s all i can say… listen to illicit affairs by taylor swift while reading if u want! again, this is all fictional! don’t take it too seriously :]

+ my asks are open if any of you wanna ask q’s or talk or whatever i’m flexible <3

—

“i need you,”

those are the three words jungkook only needed to say before half an hour later, your arms were clinging desperately to any part of him you could reach. you just get so lost in him. when you’re connected with him like this, you become hyperaware of every sensation that sparks in your body. every single touch sends you into an overdrive. you lose all your inhibition and fall apart, with no care about the world outside the four walls of your bedroom. as cliche as it sounds, being with jungkook is nothing short of intoxicatingly liberating.

you cried out at the overwhelming pleasure that overtakes your senses and self-respect, unconsciously digging your nails on jungkook’s shoulders and down his back. he hissed at the slight sting, but it only drove him to relentlessly drive his hips harder into you to chase his own high.

a gasp escaped your lips when he tugged at your hair to level your face with his. “look at me,” he said softly, but was then interrupted by a choked out curse.

“fucking shit! your pussy just got so much fucking tighter. ah- can you- goddamn it,” his pupils were blown out with undeniable lust, glossy eyes darting around your tear-stained face before meeting yours. it was too good, too much that your eyes were drooping hazily, betraying you.

his palm tapped your cheek lightly to get your attention. “i said look at me, baby. keep your eyes on me,” and you did. it took a lot of you to keep them open, but you just can’t miss this. when it’s as if everything falls into place.

the way he looks at you almost makes you believe that he loves you and he is here to stay; that he is lost in you as you are lost in him. almost. and you hold onto these short-lived moments of granted delusion and fantasies. you keep your eyes open. your naked body laid out beneath him. all while begging for him to see that your heart and soul are also bare to him.

your back arched, your breasts pressing against his toned chest. his desperate whines of your name, sputtering curses, and words of worship made your head spin. you weren’t aware of the sounds you were making, and frankly at this point, you don’t give a fuck anymore and neither does he. did i break you again? he would often tease you, tattooed hand you shamelessly adore gently massaging your sore legs while the other is combing through the tangled mess that is your hair.

“jungkook, fuck!” you squealed. you were made aware of the fact that the bed was creaking and for a few seconds you were scared it was going to break (you don’t really have the money to buy a new bed), but he looked majestic like this. his hair that he’s been growing the past year because he wanted more options to style it was dangling prettily and you couldn’t help but tuck a few strands behind his ear. your eyes dropped to his soft, pink parted lips and the mole under them that you admire. you pushed yourself up a bit to press a quick kiss against it, and you didn’t miss his smile that formed after.

he huffed in quick pants. sweat rolling down his temples, and even the glorious ink that decorated almost his entire arm were covered in a layer of shine, and you could swear he is the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen. “you’re going to be the death of me,” he muttered before meeting you for a deep and sloppy kiss. stars exploded behind your shut lids, surrending to the euphoria of your cathartic release . . .

and then you fell in love with him all over again.

—

jungkook came out of the shower with only a towel draped around his waist. “i left one of my hoodies here, right?” he asked, looking through your closet.

“the grey one?”

“yes. wait- okay, i found it.” he smelled the said hoodie, followed by a loud sigh which made you pay your attention back to him from changing the sheets.

“it smells like you, y/n. i can’t wear this.” you felt a pinch in your heart so you chose to turn around and carry on with your silly little task, ignoring your shaky hands and legs.

“i’m sorry. i forgot to wash it separately. i was half-asleep when i did laundry.” you silently cursed at yourself for feeling the urge to cry. this isn’t new. you should’ve known better. “the green sweatshirt from the other time is fine, i think. take that instead.”

he didn’t answer, and you weren’t sure if that or his careless remarks hurt more. a few minutes later and he was ready to leave. he approached your seemingly unbothered presence. you settled with reading a book, wrapped in your blanket.

“i can’t stay longer tonight. i’m sorry. next time, i promise,” you refused to look at him but he tilted your chin and showed you his smile you can never resist. he planted a sweet kiss on your lips, and then your cheek, before walking out to leave you in a pitiful state worse than the last time.

you waited for the sound of the door closing before breaking down into a puddle of tears. he just had to make you look at him. you just had to get a fucking glimpse of his lockscreen. a picture of him and the woman you would do anything to magically become tomorrow morning.

—

jungkook kept his promise, after all. and here you were thinking he shouldn’t have. wait. fuck. no. no, it’s all your fault. you shouldn’t have answered his call when you knew that you needed some more time to gather yourself before letting him destroy you again. and again. and again. because here you both are, having no clue what to do as you’re crying uncontrollably in his chest. the warmth and comfort he was radiating only made his presence more painful. and yet, you still cling pathetically to his arms.

this is all you know how to do, right? to take what can you get, even though you know it will never be enough?

“you’re scaring me,” he rocked you back and forth. “please, please. talk to me. shhh, did i hurt you?”

you wanted to say no, but you couldn’t speak. couldn’t breathe.

“i’m sorry, baby. i should’ve reminded you of the safe word.” he sounded so upset and guilty. his concern made your broken heart swell. and it made you so angry.

it took a few more minutes for your sobs to subside. his hushed whispers, attempts of calming you down turned into gentle humming. he brushed off the hair that sticked to your face and wiped away your tears, pressing fond kisses as he went. you were just watching him tend to your trembling and exhausted figure.

“did i really hurt you? where does it hurt?” he asked softly, scanning your naked body. he was treating it as if he was terrified of breaking you.

“no, you didn’t, jungkook. i’m fine,” you managed to croak out. your throat hurt and you were dehydrated, which he was quick to notice.

he reached out to your nightstand for a bottle of water. you took big gulps while he was still caressing your hair. “you swear? then what’s the matter, baby?”

“don’t call me that,” you snapped. you finally snapped. “please don’t,”

jungkook’s body tensed. sure, you can be snappy and sarcastic and cold. but you never turn away his acts of affection. he was thinking of what to say but you beat him to it, your words leaving him even more speechless.

“you know i love you, right? i haven’t told you, but i never kept it a secret either.”

of course he knew.

he knew whatever’s been going on between the two of you was a form of escape from the difficult lives you both led. he always described you as intoxicating. his escape became unescapable, because as time went on it became harder and harder to let you go. and yes, he knows it’s fucked up. he knows you deserve so much better. and even though they both know he’s only been staying in his relationship for the sake of the memories and time and energy he invested, and that he’s too much of a coward to admit it, he knows she also deserves better. he’s been in and out of his head, focused on the thrill of it all, that he abandoned all morals and decency.

and now here he was, holding your exhausted vessel that is cradling your bruised and battered heart. “yes, y/n. i do know,” his voice came out as a pitiful whisper.

“then why are you doing this to me?” your voice wavered, your eyes threatening to spill acid rain once again. “you make it so easy to love you. you make it so hard to push you away when you hold me close like this. look at what you’ve done to me!”

he flinched at your last sentence, but it was too late to dial down your anger and frustration to cater to his feelings like you always do.

“i was a better person before you came into my life, kook. you took so much from me. and i’m also to blame. and this is just fucking horrible. so why?” you poked at his chest accusingly. “why are you like this?”

he was clueless, probably even more than you were. he didn’t know what to say. he didn’t know if there was anything for him to say. he wasn’t going to defend himself. he didn’t want you to blame yourself more than you already had. the shame and guilt were eating away at his insides. so instead, he embraced you tighter than he has ever embraced anyone in this lifetime. his salty tears leaked down your naked shoulder he has pressed a thousand kisses on. nothing but endless apologies escaped his mouth, amplifying your heart shattering cries.

god, what has he done?

—

NAHHH YALL WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE ??? MY HEAD HURTS

#bts #bts fluff #jungkook #jungkook angst #jungkook drabble #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fluff #jungkook imagine #jungkook oneshot #jungkook smut #jungkook x oc #jungkook x reader #jungkook scenario #bts jk #bts angst #bts smut

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wish-i-wasnt-a-coward · 3 years ago

Text

Family Cuddle Pile

a/n: I actually wrote this a while ago but it was perfect for the request. Theirs like, no content for this ship an I love it so much! Thank you for reading :) @arodynamic-enby

Pairings: romantic Anxceitmus and kid!Patton also super background Logince

Warnings: tattoos, less than ideal parent mentions, food mention, and light cursing

Word count: 1,844

-----------------------------------------------

Remus flopped out of bed, throwing his body carelessly across the room. He hastily threw on his clothes. Short shorts, ripped fishnets, a vest that was more patches than original material, really big clunky shoes, and a ripped up band-t. He also hooked his favorite bone earrings in his tattered earlobes.

He stomped into his apartment’s kitchen. He grabbed a stale piece of bread he soaked it in coffee. Yawned and grabbed his bag, racing out the door.

His brother was waiting for him at the tattoo shop, sketching a new idea. Unlike him, Roman only had a few tattoos, including not one, not two, not three… but three Disney quotes, a frog on a mushroom, a rose on his arm, and a constellation. Most of his tattoos were covered by tasteful burgundy overalls and a white button-down shirt.

Remus’ tattoos were also mostly covered by his clothes. But he had a tattoo sleeve depicting the garden of Eden, a matching frog on a mushroom, a quote from one of Roman’s books, medically accurate bone structures on his hand, a realistic spider on his neck, and a snake wrapping around his non-sleeved arm. And those were just the visible ones.

Suffice to say, the twins were very different.

Remus threw his bag onto the floor in the backroom, “Ro, when’s the first appointment!!” he yelled. “Your’s? At 11. FYI, Jan n’ Pat are coming over at 12, for motivation” Remus smiled, fuckin’ superb.

He busied himself in collecting the ink and preparing the tattoo gun. The client wanted a fucking orange on their wrist, it should only take an hour or two but Remus was not excited to do a frickin’ orange circle.

The prissy orange bitch came in and Remus got to work. They didn’t move much and only cried a little bit when the needle started jabbing at their skin. Remus liked this part of the process, stabbing people consensually was his favorite thing ever… also the art part but stabbing people!

Almost exactly an hour later the door jingled open. “Dada!!” a tiny voice called back into the store. “I’ll be there in a minute patty-cake” Remus called from his spot hunched over the client's arm.

He added the final touches to the fruit and helped the orange bitch off the chair. Roman swept the client away, Remus practically ran to greet his partner and son.

Janus wore a leather corset over a black collared shirt and baggy pants, their long platinum hair framed their face under their signature hat. They were holding hands with a toddler wearing mostly pink and blue, his blond hair (that matched Janus’) was a mop of curls barely held together by a few butterfly clips.

“Dada, Dada!!! I got you a flower” the little boy cried, letting go of Janus’ hand and stumbling towards the tall man who scooped him up. Patton giggled and held out a sweaty flower clenched in his chubby fist.

Remus accepted the flower with a gasp, ”this is really for me?” he said joyfully. Adjusting the small boy in his arms Remus turned towards Janus who was looking at the pair with a disgustingly sappy expression.

“What are you lookin’ at hot stuff?” Remus teased. “Shut it you,” Janus said, pressing a kiss to Remus’ check. Patton made a noise, “icky” he said pushing Janus away. They laughed, “yes darling, we’re very icky”.

“When’s verge-“

“he’ll be home at 4”

“Dope”

“Stop by the Sleepy Café before you bring Pat to the apartment?”

“Can do scootal-lo!”

Remus turned back to the little boy in his arms, “looks like you're stuck with me squirt”. Patton beamed and snuggled into Remus’ chest. Janus smiled again, “I’ll see you, boys, at dinner,” they said, ruffling Pat's hair and peaking Remus on the lips quickly so as to not upset the toddler. “Bye-bye Janny!!” Patton called after Janus as they left for work.

“Righty-o,” Remus said, carrying Patton into the back room. “I know Ro’s got a couple coloring books, wanna do those for a bit?” Patton nodded and reached towards the ground to be put down. Remus plopped Patton on the couch and pulled out the book and pens as well as a sketchbook off his own. They sat together coloring and drawing until Roman came back to hug Patton.

“Ah, my favorite nephew!” Roman said, scooping up the little boy. Patton laughed and pulled Roman’s hair. “Roro, can I color your arm pictures??” he asked, pointing to Roman’s rose tattoo. Roman plopped the toddler back down on the couch and handed him a pen.

Patton went to work on the rose, scribbling reds and pinks and greens across his arm. Roman gave him complements each time Patton paused, and each time Patton shushed him and went back to work. Remus finished up his sketch, adding it to the pile of tattoo ideas they were eventually going to put up-front, and sat next to the toddler.

“That’s really good pat-”

“Shhhhhhhh”

Remus nodded and mimed zipping his lips. He liked spending time with the kid. They weren’t biologically related but who gives a fuck about blood, unless it’s outside of your body, then it’s fun.

---------------------------------------------------------------

“I don’ wanna” Patton wined his dad sighed “I know bubbles but we gotta go home to Papa and Janny, isn’t that fun” Patton considered this, “but Roro’s pretty arm picture” he argued. Remus scratched the back of his neck, “Pffffff- Ummm, how about this, we go home now and I’ll take you back to the shop tomorrow after pre-school”

Patton brightened considerably, “ok” he chirped. “up please” the toddler’s chubby hands reached towards Remus who obediently scooped him up with a coo. After all who was he to say no to uppy hands.

“See ya tomorrow, have fun on your date with the nerd” Remus sang as he snatched his bag juggling the still fussy Patton in his other arm. “Fu- Frick off Re. Say hi to your partners for me,” Romans said affectionately and waved as his twin left the building.

Remus happily trotted out into the road. The tattoo shop was located on a quaint little street in the more commercial segment of their town only a short walk from Janus’ job.

A light drizzle floated around them and the air was warm and comforting. Patton squealed as a large drop of water hit him in the head, prompting a laugh from Remus.

A jingle sounded through the peaceful cafe, the brown room was illuminated by those cool old fashion lights and a lovely array of pastries made the air smell of chocolate and blueberry scones. But the scones, as delicious as they were, weren’t the snack Remus was here for

“Hey babe- Remus why are you soaking wet”

“Puddle” Patton screeched.

“Kid’s right, Puddle.”

Janus pinched their eyebrows, “ya know what, I’m not even surprised anymore. Just make sure Patton doesn’t catch a cold” they scolded.

Remus nodded and saluted in mock seriousness, “yes captain” he said and pressed a kiss to Janus’ face over the cash register, “I’ll see ya in a bit” Remus grinned and led Patton back out of the cafe.

Janus sighed lovingly as they watched their boyfriend and son turn to cross the street, Patton’s hand clasped around Remus’ happily. “Stop looking so happy, you're scaring the customers” Remy teased from across the counter. “Ha, Ha,” Janus glared and went back to work”

Janus’ apartment was a cute two-bedroom space on the fourth floor of the building. The furniture was an interesting combo of vintage and things from the side of the road. The vintage parts came from their parent’s house, their father had died two years after Janus’ had run away and hadn’t thought to write them out of the will.

The three of them had made a date out of customizing the few pieces that Janus wanted to keep. The customization mainly included darkening everything and adding more gothic touches. Virgil had done the fabrics, Remus the painting, and Janus moral support/ director.

The three partners had also painted the kitchen/dining room/living room black with one yellow wall. Janus and Virgil’s room was dark purple instead of black with highlights in the same yellow. Patton’s room was the only one that didn’t look marginally like a cave.

The walls were a cream-yellow that lit up in the morning sunlight. After Janus announced that they were going to have a baby Remus had spent three hours painting the grey ceiling with white fluffy clouds. It was one of his favorite projects.

Patton of course had no regard for the work put into the entirety of his home and was the usual menace of a toddler. And today a toddler with cheerios, truly a sight even god would tremble before.

Remus plopped down next to Patton who was pushing cheerios around his highchair tray with an intense focus. He smiled at the little boy and flicked on the tv, “got any requests pip-squeak?” Remus asked. Patton looked thoughtful, “dead lady!!” he cried excitedly hitting the tray with his fists, cheerios flew everywhere. Remus nodded, understanding, “Corpse bride coming up!” he picked a few cheerios from the couch “you really are Verge’s kid”

When Janus got home Patton was curled up on Remus’s chest. Both slept soundly despite the dead folk on the screen in front of them singing about the wedding.

Janus smiled, their family was fucking adorable. They slipped off their shoes and snuggled up into Remus who hummed happily and pulled Janus into the hug still asleep.

----------------------------------------

Three hours later Virgil trudged up the four flights of stairs huffing indignantly with each step. Of course, he could take the elevator… but it might break down and he would be stuck for hours. Or someone could get into the elevator with him and he would have to interact with a stranger. So stairs it was.

He rummaged around his baggy hoodie, running his fingers through his dark purple hair in annoyance when he couldn’t find the key. Once he found it Virgil carefully (as he did everything) opened the apartment door. His combat books clunked satisfyingly against the hardwood floors as he entered his house. Virgil felt the tension leave his muscles, he was home. He glanced across the room, looking for his family.

Virgil’s face lit up like a god damned Christmas tree.

Across the room, both his partners and his son were curled up sleeping happily. Drool covered Remus’ face and Janus was snoring, they were the most precious thing Virgil had seen all freakin day.

The three of them woke as Virgil wrapped his arms around them, Patton squealed in excitement. “Hello, darling” Janus mumbled sleepily into Virgil’s arm. Remus just groaned and nestled into the hug. The toddler wriggled between his dads squealing profusely. “Shhh, s’ sleepy time” Remus mumbled, rolling deeper into the cuddle pile and shutting Patton up.

Virgil smiled and pressed a kiss to his partner’s cheek. “Mmm, love you” they purred. “Love you too Jan,” Virgil said, nestling his face in their neck. Virgil knew he would have to start dinner soon but that could wait, for now, cuddles.

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babydaddyleorio · 4 years ago

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Tattoos

Aomine

-Aomine honestly gets a tattoo just because he feels like it.

-He’s definitely the type to get a sleeve filled with random things, but mainly things dealing with basketball. Truth be told, he’s always been interested in tattoos. Not only because they look ridiculously cool, but also because It allows him to express himself.

-He’ll take you with him one day, wanting you to be there as he gets a new one. Getting a tattoo is something that feels special to him so he wanted to share this moment with you.

-Aomine doesn’t even flinch when he gets a tattoo. You weren’t shocked because you were already expecting him to have no reaction to the pain, but seeing him motionless in person was still actually impressive.

-In the middle of the process, Aomine will look over at you sitting in the chair watching him. He’d smirk at you with low eyes as he chews his gum and turn his eyes to look forward again, loving the fact that you were there with him.

-He’s also the type to get a neck tattoo and boy does It look hot. One of Aomine’s goals is to have most of his body filled with tattoos at some point in his life

-He would probably learn how to give himself a tattoo. Aomine is surprisingly a great artist and he’s shown you his designs multiple times for you to be confident in his skills.

-He would love the idea of getting matching tattoos with you. They would be his favorite one and sometimes you catch his fingers on your skin as he mindlessly traces against yours.

Kagami

-If Kagami gets a tattoo, It wouldn’t be a spur of the moment type of thing. He would have already planned out what he wants in his mind and It’s most likely something very significant to him.

-9/10 his tattoo is basketball related. Maybe his jersey number, something that reminds him of his childhood, or a symbol.

-Also, the lightness and darkness symbol tattoo idea is cute and would be 10x more adorable if Kuroko got it with him.

-Seems like the type to get a tattoo on his chest or back, but getting It on his arm is also a strong possibility.

-Kagami sucks in a breath once the needle hits his skin, but other than the few faces he makes, he’s okay for the rest of the process.

-He has his eyes closed as he’s getting it done, probably rethinking about what this tattoo means to him.

-Once he’s done, you could see the many emotions swarming through his face and you could tell that he really likes It.

-Once you get in your car, he would end up telling you why he got It because he feels like he can trust you.

-Kagami would thank you for coming with him and will lean over to cradle your face as he gives you a long kiss on your forehead.

Kuroko

-Kuroko doesn’t really want a tattoo, but he’s there to support you instead.

-He likes looking through the catalog of tattoos as you’re sitting in the waiting room and will point out ones he thinks are cool to you.

-If you get scared he’d ask you if you really wanted to do this, but If you tell him that this is something that you’re set on, he’d support you and reassure your jumbled nerves.

-Kuroko is probably scared of needles, and just the sight of them makes his skin crawl. Nonetheless, he will suck up his fear and stay by your side as you’re getting It done.

-You do catch him grimacing occasionally as he watches the needle draw on your skin. He thinks that you’re so brave and strong for enduring the pain because he could never.

-If he can see that you’re in pain or that you’re crying, he would immediately grab your hand and wipe away your tears while offering you words of encouragement.

-“It’s okay, it’ll be over before you know it.” He’d say with a small smile, squeezing your hand a little tighter.

-Once you’re finished, he thinks that it looks really great and will hype you up expeditiously.

-He makes sure to be careful to not touch your tattoo, and if he accidentally brushes against it he apologizes profusely and makes sure that you’re okay.

-He thinks that the ink on your skin is beautiful, especially if it’s in different colors. Sometimes you get a glimpse of him sneaking looks at your tattoo, and you’ll tease him for being so enchanted by It.

Midorima

-Even though Midorima doesn’t particularly care for getting tattoos, If he were to get one It would be something astrology related or a lucky charm.

-He would act super nonchalant and tough when you first walk in to the parlor, but as soon as the needle touches him he becomes a big baby.

-You can see how red his eyes are through his glasses, but you can tell that he’s trying to keep It together by seeing him constantly clench his fist on his knee.

-He would probably get It on his wrist or in-between his fingers.

-You would roll your eyes once you saw how small his tattoo is, noting that your boyfriend is beyond dramatic.

-“You good?” You would ask him once you stepped back outside, hearing the constant sniffling coming from him.

-“I’m fine!” He would snap while clearing his throat and adjusting his glasses.

-Give this man a hug because he is indeed not fine.

-Midorima is very particular with making sure his tattoo doesn’t get infected. He takes the healing process very seriously and freaks out if he cant find his bandage for It.

-One things for sure though, Midorima tends to look at his tattoo before a game. The thought of you would always pop up in his mind, motivating him even more to win this match for you.

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olivia200312 · 3 years ago

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Prime Missing~ TFP! Optimus x Half-Predacon! Reader *Request*

Requested by the lovely CreatorCat

Plot: Hi there! Could I please request a TFP Optimus x half Cybertronian and half Predacon female Autobot reader? Only Optimus knows she is like that. Her Predacon form is a dragon and her vehicle form is a mustang car (Wildstyle colors from Lego Movie). Her fighting style is dancing (dance fighting, usually coordinated with music only she can hear in her earpiece, unpredictable). It takes place during Beast Wars where they meet Ultra Magnus. Optimus goes missing and the reader is very upset because she has a crush on the Prime.

Ultra Magnus grows a crush on her after seeing her fight in battle. He is concerned she'll get hurt because her style doesn't fall into the protocol and can't be monitored. He forbids her from joining the ranks in battle until she 'shaded up'. The reader is devasted and falls into sort of depression because that she wouldn't be able to dance or fight anymore and that was what she lived for. Optimus returns (finally) to find his crush (the reader) not herself anymore. They have been 'broken' and fight the way that Ultra Magnus saw fit. He's horrified because this wasn't 'his Y/N' and confronted Ultra Magnus. Afterward, Optimus takes the reader aside and confesses and she smiles for the first time in 'forever'. The next battle she's in, she breaks protocol and does her original style of fighting much to everyone's happiness (except Ultra Magnus). She also reveals her Predacon side to protect everyone from the Decepticons and Predaking.

What do you think?

That's a long request ever since I got a request to write a high school version. Lol. So, I read the entire text here and began to think. Do not think it is a bad way. I absolutely love the request but however, I don't like a few things. I'm not familiar with Beast Wars at all. I know only like literally one character and that is Optimal Primal. He is in fact the new Prime in Power of the Primes after Optimus' death. Don't believe me? Watch the 10 episodes or follow the OC book that I'm working on since I'm partnered up with Alita-One and others on Quotev. Furtonaly, I don't like Beast Wars at all since it's different. I also couldn't help but cringe a bit since it's TFP playing in Beast Wars. I remember some clips and scenes where Optimus actually goes missing after the base got exploded and Ultra Magnus appearing. I also remember Predacon's Rising.

Also since I don't like hurting other lovely characters (either rejected or friend-zoned), I made Ultra Magnus different. He'll be not crushing on the reader, but don't worry, he'll get tasted with his own medicine. Revenge will arrive.

Head area:

Brain: Processor / Brain Module

Head: Helm

Face: Face plate

Ears: Audio receptors / Receptor Orifice / Audials

Nose: Enstril / Olfactory Sensor

Eye brow: Optical Ridge

Eyes: Optics

Mouth: Intake

Lips: Dermas

Teeth: Denta/Dentas

Tongue: Glossa

Chest area:

Chest: Chassis / Thoraxal Cavity

Back: Hexa-Lateral Scapula

Spine: Bipedalism cord / Back Strut

Chest and back armour:

Chest plate

Back plate

Mid-section plating

Neck guard

Side plating

Arm area:

Arms: Arms / Restarlueus

Forearms: Bitarlueus

Hands: Servos

Fingers: Digits

Arm armour:

Gantlets

Shoulder pads

Arm guard

Lower area:

Pelvis: Pelvis

Butt: Aft / Skid-Plate

Thighs: Tibulen

Calves: Cadulen

Feet: Pedes - the high heel bits are called Struts or Heel Struts.

Lower armour:

Skirt plates

Aft plate / Skid plate

Thigh guard

Ankle guard

General/Internal components:

Muscles: Cables / Pistons - It depends on the area in question.

Veins: Fual lines

Stomach: Tanks

Lungs: Vents - used to stop the con/bot from over heating.

Heart: Spark

Tattoos: D-con/A-bot Insignias and the lark

T-Cog: The thing that allows all Cybertronians to transform, be that their arms or their whole body.

Bonus:

Penis: Spike

Vagina: Valve

Body: Frame

-------------------------------------

"Jack, meet Ultra Magnus," Arcee introduced her human partner to the missing commander of the Autobots.

Jack looked shocked as he took a look at Ultra Magnus. He was light blue while Optimus was dark blue. The commander had a strict look on his faceplate. What was his problem? Sure, there was a war still going on because since Cybertron, the home planet of the Cybertronians, including the Autobots, Decepticons, and the Predacons, was dead so the idiotic Decepticons moved the war towards Earth when they discovered that the Autobots had been hiding there. Honestly, Megatron was too evil and stupid for actually settling the war on Earth. Earth! The planet was involved in many wars already, especially WWI and WWII.

But let's get to the point: what's been happening?

Well, the Decepticons discovered where the Autobots had been hiding. Before it got blown up, Optimus ordered everyone to leave the base and a serious warning: don't use the phone to call or send anything. If they do, then the Decepticons can track your signal, which can lead a serious danger. Jack went with Arcee, Miko with Bulkhead, and finally Raf with Bumblebee. Eventually, the base got exploded. Optimus got seriously wounded that Smokescreen found him. He was a smart rookie for hiding him so that Optimus can possibly heal and be safely hidden. Sadly, the damage was too much that Optimus was slowly offlining. He didn't want to leave, especially not Y/N. She was a half-Predacon and half-Cybertronian. She was an Autobot. So, it means that Y/N's carrier or sire was a Predacon while the other was Cybertronian. She was found wounded in a forest by Optimus and he took her to the Autobots base. Poor Y/N... She remembered how scared she was when she was there. I mean, she was wounded, lost on Earth, and didn't know anyone. She lost her creators thanks to the war. She eventually learned fast how to take care of herself.

When Optimus met her, he couldn't help but thought that Y/N was a unique and beautiful femme he'd ever seen. I mean, she was half-Cybertronian and half-Predacon. He had seen full Predacons before like Predaking. Soon, he'll meet Darksteel and Skylynx who were brothers. Y/N had wings and a tail so she was very unique. She was thankful to fly and control her balance more. The human kids loved Y/N. Miko, of course, asked too many questions that at one point, Jack and Raf had to stop her since they noticed when Y/N got uncomfortable and scared.

But anyway, that all happened before the big explosion. Optimus grew in fact closer to Y/N that he was the only one at the base who Y/N trusted. She would stay by his side, help him and ask questions. Optimus gladly helped her whenever she was scared or asked questions. He also found her adorable in secret. He sometimes asked himself about her like her wings for example. Were they sensitive? Maybe they were? He will only know if he touched it. If Y/N ever allowed it.

While Y/N was with the Autobots, it didn't mean that she met everyone. She didn't meet Ultra Magnus at the time. He was a strict commander of the Autobots and was light blue and red. His vehicle was very similar to the Prime. His shoulderplates were weird, kinda. No disrespect. But oh boy, Y/N hated Magnus. When he saw her, he was only coldhearted and strict towards her. Y/N's fighting style was dancing but the commander didn't like it that he forbid her to do so. It was like this:

The Autobots just came back after a fight again with the Decepticons. The fight was brutal this time. Apparently, the Decepticons had a new 'weapon' and it was a full Predacon! It was a male and in fact, the ruler of the race when they went instinct many years ago thanks to Megatron himself. Shockwave managed to bring the king back from the dead. His name was Predaking. He was huge! After all, he was a male and a ruler. Since Y/N was half-Predacon, she actually can't transform. Some Cybertronians who were half-Predacons, couldn't actually transform. Some can, some couldn't. Y/N didn't mind that she couldn't transform. She liked how she looked, even having a Predacon tail and wings.

But everyone was wounded. Y/N fought against the male Predacon himself. Their fight was rough and they bit and clawed. But Y/N managed to trick him by dancing. Fighting was a little bit of dancing if you didn't know. You were moving and using your whole frame. It was exhausting for Y/N, but she won.

Ultra Magnus, however, didn't like her fighting style that he brought her into a private chamber. He closed the door and faced her, with his usual strict expression. "Soldier, I want you to change the style."

Y/N lifted her optical ridge up in confusion. What did the commander mean by that? Her armor? Her outgoing? What was it? "What do you mean?"

"Change your fighting style. Also, I forbid you from ever going to fight with us."

Y/N couldn't believe what she heard. Was he really serious? Was he going to forbid her from going out to fight? But what about Optimus Prime? He still wasn't found! He was missing ever since the big explosion that the Decepticons caused weeks ago. The human kids spread around together with their guardians and they weren't allowed to not use any technology or else the Decepticons will track them down. Jack, stupid enough, used his cellphone to text his mother that he was fine. It was understandable for a kid to text its parent to let them know that they were fine. But when it came to the war between the Autobots and the Decepticons, then it was important to listen to the advice.

Ultra Magnus simply left the private chamber, leaving the poor half-Predacon femme alone.

That's basically how it happened. Ever since that day, Y/N didn't come out a lot from her berthroom. She was very spark broken ever since the strict commander told her those words. He forbid her from searching Optimus, who was still missing at the moment. How could he say that? Y/N cared deeply for Optimus just like the entire team. He was their leader but also someone that would protect others and be willing to sacrifice his life.

Y/N would only recharge all day. She ate and drank of course but it wasn't a lot like she used. Basically, how a normal Cybertronian ate. If you didn't know, humans can die from broken hearts. It was in fact a Broken heart syndrome, also known as stress cardiomyopathy or takotsubo syndrome. It was very sad to have that like heart disease. Not only humans can have that syndrome but also Cybertronians, especially the Predacons, full or not. Y/N attracted that syndrome. Everyone says that action speaks louder than words, but words hurt more than actions. Y/N had shortness of breathing and having chassis pains. That was the most common syndrome of heart disease.

Ratchet, the medic of the team wasn't blind at all and was trained to notice signs of any health problems. Since Y/N was showing those signs, he did the tests and diagnosed her with Broken Heart Syndrome or should I say Broken Spark Syndrome? Ratchet kept a close optic on her and made her take medication, especially if she showed signs of chassis pains and shortness of breath.

But meanwhile in the main room of the base...

Ratchet was updating Y/N's health on the Cybertronian computer since it was important for the medics to keep new updates so that they can keep the information. There was actually no standard treatment for the syndrome that Y/N had, but you can survive with medication and as long as you're being careful. Not only do doctors like Ratchet keep updates safe but also dentists as well. Ratchet was mad at Ultra Magnus for saying hurtful words but kept it quiet. It was time that others should watch out for what comes out of their mouths. Words can damage someone and give an illness. He began to ask himself how would Optimus react if he found out about that...

Bumblebee then walked up to Ratchet and beeped a question at him.

Ratchet signed and looked over his shoulderplate. "No, Bumblebee. Y/N is still a little bit weak to come out. I am doing the best I can to help her on track. But her syndrome doesn't have a standard treatment. Just like on humans."

Bumblebee frowned and let out a sad whirl. He saw Y/N as his good friend and cared for her as a friend. He was mad at the commander for saying those words that he nearly attacked her. Didn't the idiotic commander notice at all how much he damaged her? Why was he even doing this?! Just because she was a half-Predacon!? Bumblebee clenched his fists in anger as he started to shake.

Ratchet, being a smart aft medic, noticed it and quickly placed his servo on the scout's shoulderplate. "Easy, Bumblebee." Just as Ratchet wanted to say something further, his computer caught a signal. He quickly went to the device and Bumblebee looked curiously over his shoulderplate.

"Hahaha!" Ratchet began to laugh and clapped his servos happily. That caught everyone's attention as they walked up to him, except Y/N, who was still sadly in her berthroom to rest. She did hear Ratchet's happy laugh, which was confusing, but she didn't bother to check since she felt weak. Ratchet turned around fast with a big smile on his faceplate. "Optimus is alive!"

That caused everyone to cheer happily. Y/N fell asleep at that time. She didn't hear Ratchet's loud voice that said that Optimus was alive and coming soon to the base.

2 hours later~

"Awesome! Optimus is now like 2.0!" Miko happily jumped as she was fascinated by Optimus' new look.

"It's good to have you back, Optimus," Arcee said with a smile.

Everyone was saying how happy they were to see and have Optimus Prime back. The leader was smiling as he listened to everyone with respect. He was happy to see them as well. Even though he was almost offline for good, he thought about others, especially Y/N. But wait, where was she? He saw his friends but not Y/N. He frowned. What happened to her while he was missing? He wondered about her every day. He nearly did join the AllSpark and taking the servo of his mentor, Alpha Trion. The old smart mech understood his student's decision. He even teased Optimus to get the spark of the half-Predacon. He blushed.

Ratchet seem to realize Optimus' frown and he immediately knew that it was about Y/N. He walked up to his leader. "Optimus, I have to speak to you. It's urgent."

Optimus nodded in understanding. Of course, he heard Ratchet's serious tone, which meant that he was deadly serious, especially for being a medic. His job was to take care of others and help if needed. They both went to a private chamber to speak while others stayed. Ultra Magnus, however, got a bad feeling...

Ratchet closed the door and turned to face Optimus. "Optimus, while you were gone, others had a fight against the Decepticons. They had a new 'weapon' it was a full Predacon... a mech. He's named Predaking, the ruler of the Predacons. Y/N fought against him. I must say, I am impressed with her fighting moves. Dancing. Ultra Magnus didn't like her style at all. I saw them going to a private chamber. I learned from Y/N that Magnus forbid her from going out and he forced her to change her style..." He sighed and took a deep breath. "As a result, Y/N has Broken Heart Syndrome, also known as stress cardiomyopathy or takotsubo syndrome in humans. But I called it the Broken Spark Syndrome. She has trouble breathing and having chassis pains. I made her take medication."

Optimus couldn't believe what he heard. How could Ultra Magnus do this? He was getting angry. The commander took it too far by his words. He look calmy at Ratchet and nodded. "Thank you for the information old friend. I will speak to commander Ultra Magnus and see Y/N."

Ratchet nodded back and they left the private chamber. Ultra Magnus knew that he was busted. Optimus slowly walked up to the commander, with a disappointed and angry expression on his faceplate. He took the commander to somewhere private and let's just say that Optimus was so stern. He also finally punished the commander for what he said to Y/N. Ratchet was satisfied and mumbled under his breath: "As humans say: 'Get rekt'."

Optimus then walked through the hallway corridors, searching for Y/N's berthroom. Each bot had a nameplate hanging against the door. It was easier for everyone to find each other, except for humans since they were so small. But good that the kids remembered which room was who. They drew small symbols on each door of the bot. Ratchet got a symbol of a doctor, Bumblebee got a bee, Arcee a motorcycle, etc. Y/N had a dragon, even though she couldn't transform into a Predacon.

Optimus knocked on the door gently as he found Y/N's door. After no response, he softly opened the door and peaked in. He smiled softly once he saw Y/N recharging peacefully. But he was still worried about her health after all. He walked to Y/N, closing the door softly to not wake her up. He caressed her helm with his gentle digits and he smiled once he heard her purr. Predacons can purr a lot. Yes, even Optimus can too but not a lot like the Predacons can, even half ones. Optimus continued to caress as he sat down carefully, lifting Y/N's helm and laid it on his lap. For some reason, laps were so comfy. No wonder humans and Cybertronians fall asleep easily, even falling asleep on someone's body. It was so cute when a male slept on top of the female as a couple or friends. Family too. But mostly, females slept on top of the males.

Y/N softly moaned in her sleep as she moved a bit. She felt very comfortable. But that's when she groaned and had trouble breathing. She panted and Optimus got worried. He then noticed the medication on her nightstand. He grabbed it and then Y/N gasped and sat up, her servo on her chassis.

"Easy, Y/N," the familiar deep voice said.

Y/N snapped her helm towards the very familiar deep voice and gasped. it was Optimus! Wait, he was really here?! She was about to say something but Optimus silenced her by cupping her cheekplate, causing her to blush a lot. He helped her take the medication and soon, she breathed normally. But she felt then sleepy again. Optimus noticed it and softly pushed her down. "Recharge, Y/N. Your body needs more rest."

Y/N smiled softly and fell asleep. She can now catch a lot of rest since Optimus was alive and well. She found him more handsome. His new look, now strong body, etc. But she loved his hips, smile, voice, and smirk. As she was sleeping, she felt soft dermas on hers. Optimus was kissing her, just like in the movie Sleeping Beauty.

I apologize if it isn't familiar a lot. I decided to try and make it a little cuter for the fans, especially the ending part.

#optimus prime #transfomers #transformers prime #tfp #tfp optimus prime #fluff #one shot #romance #x reader #reader #x predacon reader #broken heart syndrome #comfort #missing #optimus prime x reader

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