#I’m a widdle tired lol

[retroautomaton]

🎄👑❄️

[oliviaischillin1204]

training interrupted

Pairings: Platonic (frenemies lol) SamTory

Word Count: 868 words

if y'all haven't watched the insane fucked up gay cyclical trauma enemies-to-friends melodrama that is cobra kai, i don't know what to tell you other than. PLEASE watch it ajhdfghdjsk

"What was that?"

"Nothing," Tory hissed. She shoved at the other girl's shoulders, but Sam was clearly using all of her weight to keep her down on the mat. They'd been sparring, and Tory had been winning, which of course meant that Sam had to pull some cheating shit like this. Tory honestly couldn't remember how they'd gotten in this position-- she remembered throwing a kick, then Sam had grabbed her leg, bringing them both down to the floor, and suddenly she was pinned, staring up at the face of one very sweaty, very pretty, and very annoyingly smug Samantha LaRusso.

So Tory had used as much momentum as possible to knee her in the back, which... ended up being something of a mistake. Because Sam fell forward, her elbows buckling and one of her hands slipping from where it was pinning Tory's upper arm. Her fingers had curled as they slid down Tory's bicep, landing just next to her armpit.

And Sam had tensed up after the knee to her back; she'd been ready to keep the training-slash-brawl going. But Tory hadn't made any other moves.

She was too busy giggling.

"Sounded like you were giggling," Sam said helpfully, pressing her body even heavier against Tory's. The Cobra Kai girl snarled up at her.

"Fuck off, you just- knocked my breath out when you fell on me." She pushed again, but Sam was deceptively heavy for someone so small. "Get off!"

Sam quirked her head. "Oh, but then I wouldn't get the chance to do this."

She once again pressed all of her body weight to keep Tory as pinned as possible, as her one hand returned right to the edge of Tory's armpit. Her nails glided over the thin skin of her bicep, stroking up, and down, and up, and down- each brush reaching just a bit closer to her defenseless underarm.

"LaRusso," Tory hissed, face murderous. "I will- kill- you- no!"

Her last word came on a gasp of breath, right before Sam scribbled her perfectly manicured nails right under Tory's arm. And the dam broke.

"Nohohohohoho fuck off!" Tory screamed, actually screamed, because wow holy fuck it's been a long time since anyone's done this to her and she was not fucking ready for it right now, when she was already sore and tired from training.

Sam cooed with an infuriating patronization. "Oh my gosh, is Tory Nichols... ticklish?" She gasped, readjusting herself to keep Tory's flailing body pinned. "Big, bad Tory gets all giggly from some ticklies? Yeah? You can't handle some widdle tickles?"

She shot her hand down to squeeze blindly at Tory's upper ribs, her fingers curling around to massage the back of her side at the same time. Tory arched her back, which of course made it fucking worse but she literally couldn't think of what else to do. All of her karate training was slipping from her brain like water through a sieve; she couldn't manage to do anything more than wildly kicking her legs behind Sam.

"Maybe I'll do this the next time we're on the mat," Sam said, and honestly fuck her for being so goddamn smug about this. Her smile was bright and sharp, her tongue poking out when she found a particularly good spot. "Maybe everyone should see how cute you get when you're all giggly and squirmy. Give some of the newbies a chance to actually beat you for once."

She brought her hand back up to Tory's underarm, fluttering dangerously softly all over the area, and Tory's laughter returned from shrieks to giggles.

"Don't say shihihit," she gasped. "I'll fucking- ahaha- I'll kill you."

Sam tsked. "Yeah, you said that already. Got any other threats?" SHe grinned again, making sure to catch Tory's eye. "Or how about... we'll stop once you say I'm the winner."

"Bullshit!" Tory said; Sam raised her eyebrow and gave her some harder underarm tickles as a punishment. Tory couldn't stop writhing around under the other girl's deft fingers if she tried- and fuck, was she trying. "Stohohohop!"

"Just say I'm the winner," Sam sang, "and this'll all be over." She resituated herself again, nearly resting her chin on Tory's chest as she sighed in contentment. Like she was getting fucking comfortable.

Oh, absolutely fuck that.

Tory summoned the last of her remaining strength, and with one more yell like a kiai, she shoved herself forward with enough strength to throw Sam off. Well, not throw her all the way off, because Tory's arms were weak and her stomach hurt from laughing so much and she was still twitchy with leftover tingles running through her body, but she did manage to knock Sam off balance just a bit, which was all Tory needed.

In less than a second, the positions were reversed. Tory held herself over Sam, sweaty, hair unkempt, and brutally aware of how flushed her face must look- but she had LaRusso pinned. That's all she needed.

"You," she hissed, still catching her breath, "are fucking dead, Princess."

Sam's eyes widened in fear just as she opened her mouth, but Tory didn't even give her a chance. She'd show her who was the real winner around here.

[cinamun]

CIIIIIIIN! I need to ban myself from tumblr for a while, or atleast while I’m eating or drinking.

Because you & these gifs be sending me. 😩 I just burnt my damn lip tryna eat my enchiladas. I was struggling to chew, laugh, & scroll at the same time.

Granted, I probably should’ve waited until my food cooled off before biting it but…but…that’s beside the point 😂😂😂😂😂

and OMG…look at our widdle tinka mamas (baby Jerri) becoming apart of the story. 😌 I wuv it here! Lol. I just wanna squish her cheeks. 🥺

& if Karen don’t take her ass on somewhere…harassing folks. 🙄

Also, I knew Kenji was gonna find a way to bring his ass back into the mix. MF always find a way to pop up when you’re happy & living your best life

But did you make the "HACHAHACHAHCAHAAACHA" sound when you bit it and it was too hot but you kept chewing anyway? LMFAO

Yeah, Chae, the state just wont leave Jerri alone. We know Jerri can dodge the feds like Marcus Flex be dodging child support payments, but this time something just seems off. She seems tired. She been running all her life and now she's an adult and just wants to settle down with her rider, manage other people's pussies and raise a family.

Why can't she just LIVE? Stay tuned tho...

[celestialflamesme]

| ROMEO, ROMEO, WHY ARE YOU ROMEO? | A Rowen One-shot | Fairy Tail |

Ships: Wendy Marvel x Romeo Conbolt

Tag list: @primaverafrog @luna-chan00 @biorckstudios18 @animaration-fts @cxndy-stxrs Excuse my horrible writing, I'm super drowsy coz of meds😅

Fairy Hills was the prettiest apartment ever (but maybe she was biased because she lived there) Wendy was currently out on her balcony, legs propped on the arms of her chaise and admiring the lovely hedge walls she'd help trim (Erza-nee got a little too excited with the hedge-scissors)

"I still can't believe you did that," Chelia guffawed.

Wendy replayed last week's events in her mind, wincing yet again.

...........

Working at Fairy Tail was like a dream come true. Wendy had come upon it by chance when her old Academy shut down without any warning. She blamed herself for what'd happened and was this close to giving up on theatre and dancing when Erza-nee decided to intervene.

"Work on that spin ONE MORE TIME! MORE PASSION!" Erza yelled, wielding the script as if it were a sword. (She might be scary at times, but Onee-san meant well.)

Chelia harrumphed through the call. "This is taking foreverrrrr."

"Chelia, you've been playing Among us for 2 hours." Wendy sighed, "You're one to talk about taking long."

"But I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO THIS CUTE CAFÈ!! WITH CATS!!"

"Half an hour moreee." The bluenette groaned. "Plus I still can't get this spin right!"

"Ah, that's why you've been working so hard," Wendy did not like how smug her friend sounded. "Isn't this the part where you meet the Soldier?"

Of course! Chelia, as her 'Official best-friend and Matchmaker!' would never rest until she found "love".

Unfortunately for her, Wendy, as a rule, was usually unbothered by romance of any sort.

It wasn't like she hated the idea; she found it quite adoreable that her friends growing up found 'their lobsters'. Some had their heart broken but they still tried with all they had, a fact that made it really hard to hate romance. (She was saying 'romance' way too much, wasn't she?)

The point was, she just didn't think she? was? a? well-suited? romantic? partner? In pre-school, the idea of a prince riding on a white horse and carrying her away made her:

A: Nauseous, because well, motion-sickness.

B: Wary, because "Porly-san said that if a stranger was to ever talk to her, she had to use the pepper spray in the left corner pocket of her backpack and if that didn't work, Erza-nee's pocket-knife would do just fine!" (Her teacher almost fainted that day.)

Well that and she'd never had a relationship to begin with, ever.

Crushes, sure. She'd had a few over the years. But considering her lack of courage? Or maybe it was the combined elder brother influence of Natsu-nii, Gajeel-nii and Erza-nee that scared away most boys. (Her last crush was scarred for his life....)

And it wasn't like she had time for it too, considering her full-time job at Fairy Tail.

She was daydreaming again. Moving on....

She deadpanned, "Yes. That's the only reason I need to get this right. Not because the entirety of Magnolia will watch it."

"Glad to know!" Chelia clapped her hands gleefully. "Now, as Ooba san says, 'SPIN MY LOVELIES!!" And she cut the call.

The bluenette was a little worried about her new partner. Practice for the new play had begun 3 weeks ago and there was no sight of him (or her, Erza refused to divulge any details...) Apparently they were from another Academy and were joining practice tomorrow. And despite herself, Wendy really really wanted to prove herself to them.

Being the youngest didn't mean she was any less talented than the others, and she'd be damned if she gave anyone any reason to prove otherwise.

"NOW FROM THE TOP!!"

Wendy spun back and forth on her feet and as the beat began playing, she twirled and reached her hand out in a grabbing motion-

Anndddd she just punched a guy in his face.

"SHIT!!"

"FUCK, I'M SORRY!!"

.............

Her new partner, Romeo (Romeo from theatre, lol) insisted he was fine and that it was his fault for interrupting her routine. He also complimented her punch (Who does that?!!)

Or maybe he really wanted her to stop crying. (He had a nose-bleed!! She caused it!!! Was that not reason enough to cry?!)

She sniffled. "BUT SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?! CAN I GET YOU ANOTHER BAG OF ICE?! I'M SO SO SORR-"

Romeo broke into a fit of laughter, making her blush (His laughter sounded like chiming bells. Was she even supposed to get attracted to partner's voices that way?)

Once his laughter subsided, a boyish smirk stretched lazily across his face at her pout.(Dear Mavis, he looked so pretty....)

"Romeo, at your service, ma'am!" He kissed the back of her hand. (Did she accidentally punch herself too? Was this all a hallucination?)

She spluttered, "U-uh Hi Wendy! SHIT," she dragged a hand across her face, making him chortle again, "I'm Wendy!"

................

The bluenette grumbled, "It's been 2 days, get over it."

"Nahhhh. I think I'll just let you drown in embarrassment for a few weeks," Her best friend swung her legs from where she was seated on the window ledge. "Ohhhh Ohhhh cute boy alert!"

"Uh-huh, sure," Wendy was too busy petting her kitten to pay her friend any attention.

"Anywho, how's the practice coming along? Is it awkward now between you two?" Chelia teased. Wendy gave a deadpan look and stroking Carla's fur, she mumbled, "We went out for lunch yesterday."

"WENDY MARVELL!!"

"CHELIA BLENDY!!! MY EARS!!!"

"Sorry," Chelia blushed. "Why the heck didn't you tell me this GODDANGIT?!!"

"Well uh." It was now Wendy's turn to blush. "I-"

"Cute guy keeps cycling past us. I think he's looking at you." Chelia commented with a raised eyebrow.

"Wait what?" Wendy tilted her head toward the wall separating Fairy Hills and the garden. Which is when her eyes met his own.

And Romeo, fair Romeo, crashed into the hedges.

..........

Both girls flinched. Wendy jumped off her seat and rushed downstairs, ignoring Chelia's surprised yelling.

"What are you doing here?!" She squeaked.

"We have got to stop meeting like this," Romeo groaned from where he was sprawled on the ground, "It's really not good for my lifespan and my ego."

Despite herself, she let out a giggle. "Get up, you...." Helping him up and dusting the weeds off his shoulders, she sighed. "You live nearby?"

"Well...."

"Do I even wanna know what you were doing cycling around here?" She rested her hand on her hip and raised a brow at his now perplexed expression. "Go on, I have all day."

"I was visiting a friend and uh, saw you at your balcony and wanted to say hi?" He scratched his neck, now colored pink. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

She huffed, "What am I going to do with you?" He looked at her with his little puppy dog-eyes (Drat. Foiled again!) and she gave in and smiled. "Let's get you cleaned up."

........

Seven minutes later, Romeo was sitting on her bed petting Carla, who'd taken a liking to him and ganging up on Wendy with Chelia.

"And the next second, she marches up to him and goes 'Excuse me, sir. But my friend wants a picture of your face. S-wait, WITH your face. FUCK, I MEAN WITH YOU!!' " Both were smacking the bed and laughing like there was no tomorrow.

Wendy groaned, her face buried in her hands, "Getting you two together was a bad idea."

"Aww, look at the widdle bluebug." Romeo teased.

"Cute, ain't she?" Chelia cheered. "So, when's the wedding?"

Pause.

"C-CHELIA!!"

"U-UM W-WEDDING?"

Chelia had a smug look on her face that Wendy did not like. "Well duh. You're his Juliet and he's your Peter Pan. Perfect, ain't it?!" She clapped her hands in delight.

Wendy felt like she was in a sauna with the way her face was heating up. One look at Romeo and she knew he felt the same.

"WHO RUINED MY PRECIOUS STRAWBERRIES?!!" A voice bellowed.

Chelia rushed to the window and turned to look at both with a pale face. "Uh oh, Titania's angry."

Romeo was visibly confused and scared for his life. Wendy felt faint.

"Haha, gotta go now guys! Bye Wen!" Chelia escaped through the door before Wendy could register her words.

"WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU?!"

"The kind that doesn't want to die!" Her voice echoed from where she was downstairs. Damn it.

She locked gazes with Romeo. "I'll go assess the damage. You stay right there."

Romeo nodded.

She tiptoes into the garden, only to find Erza wielding a katana and looking deadly as ever.

"E-Erza-nee?"

The red-head turned to look at her with a menacing aura. Wendy gulped.

"What-what happened?" She dared ask.

"My precious strawberries are ruined." (Sure enough, the bush was uprooted. Oh dear.) Erza pointed at Romeo's bike with her katana. "The culprit will return for their bike and when they do, I WILL END THEM!!"

Well, there went any chance of negotiations. O-okay Erza-nee. I'll be upstairs if you need me."

Romeo had an eager look on his face when she returned. "So? What's the status?"

"Romeo," she stated calmly, "I mean this in the nicest way possible. You're dead."

He blanked. "Shit."

..........

"Operation: Run Romeo Run begins now, what's your status Little Boy Blue?" Wendy whispered through her earpiece. (Warren had given her a set for emergency situations.)

"In position, Tinker bell," Romeo's voice echoed through the other end. "You may begin!"

"ERZA-NEE, I MADE YOU SOME CAKE!!"

Sure enough, Erza rushed into the kitchen like her life depended on it, "Which kind?!!"

"Operation Stage 2 is a go, Boy Blue!" She whispered.

"This is DELICIOUS, Wendy!!" Erza nodded proudly. "I'll take it with me!'"

"NO!!!"

Erza narrowed her eyes suspiciously, "Why?"

"Be-because," Wendy stuttered, "I want to practice that spin once again!"

"Wendy," Erza grabbed her by her shoulders, "Dance hours are over. As a young girl, you must try socialising with your peers instead of practicing day and night. You'll tire yourself."

"I've reached the garden," Romeo said. "Is stage 3 a go?"

She hummed. Of course, both didn't anticipate-

"INTRUDER!! KILL MODE!!!" A siren rang in the distance and Wendy gulped.

She faintly registered a yelp from her earpiece.

Erza let out a war-cry and stalked outside.(Poor, poor Romeo) "THE INTRUDER IS HERE!! GET HIM!!"

Wendy shuddered, "RUN ROMEO RUN!!"

"I'M TRYING!!!" He squeaked, "SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME!!"

"COME HERE AND FIGHT ME LIKE A TRUE WARRIOR, YOU FIEND!!!" Erza bellowed.

She leaned towards the window and watched as Erza chased Romeo (He was riding a bicycle and yet Erza was gaining in on him.)

"If I ever get out of this alive," Romeo groaned, "Would you go out with me?"

Wendy was grinning when she said, "Someone's gotta keep an eye on you, anyway."

...........

[sillymeter]

oh my GOD i cannot believe i have to hold your hand and walk you through this. let’s break this down piece by fucking piece since clearly you cant think for yourself @ace-altair​ here’s the image im referring to

i dont know what some of these refer to and some of these are just borderline free spaces because blah blah stereotype. fucking whatever just say you think we dont have personalities. - emotional just say you think we’re all hysterical and leave. fucking freak - accidentally fell for a straight girl what does this mean. what does this fucking mean. anyone can have a crush on anyone. why is this in here.  - keysmash once again just say you all think we sit around going SWGHHAGBHJG and thinking about girls.  - watches lesbian tiktoks ah yes suck up to the corporation why don’t you. i don’t watch these tiktoks nor do i go on tiktok so idk what exactly this is talking about but. you know. - overuses heart emojis i dont really know what to say to this one. cant explain why this makes me mad. too tired. - can’t sit right LOLL SO QUIRKY!!!! LOLLL!  - girl in red i think the quotes mean someone else is asking this. why is this here. who fucking cares. its music. - short nails idk what to say to this one. i really am bewildered why you would put this on here. puzzling me. its not bad or anything i don’t think it’s just a weird thing to say. - wears flannels i 100% bet the only exposure you’ve had to lesbian culture is popular ( FOR SOME REASON ) tumblr posts about wearing flannel in the fall and going pumpkin picking with your girlfriend or some fucking thing. it’s clothes. it’s just clothes. - wears vans / converse ties directly in with the flannels thing. you forgot to add “wears a beanie” go ahead complete the “i don’t think they have actual styles and opinions, what do you mean they’re real people” trio. go ahead. - HNGGG- WOMEN PRETTY if i met you i would spit directly on your face. (also leaving out nonbinaries in this. i see you ) - thought you were bi once again, if i met you i would spit on you. identities can change over time. this is such a shitty thing to put on this. - can’t drive *spits on you.* go ahead and say you think we’re all stupid people who can’t think for ourselves and all we do is sit around thinking about women, crytyping, keysmashing, and spamming heart emojis in our vans and sipping starbucks. i fucking despise you - types only in lowercase BUT NOT WHEN WE’RE SCREAMING!! OMG!!! QUIRKY!! LOL!!! Sorry to say I don’t type like a proper person. Is this better?  - will fight homo-phobes something something aggressive lesbian stereotype. just say you think we’re brainless animals already i’m tired of waiting to hear you explain it and you refuse to or direct me to something completely fucking different - awkward flirt sorry you think we’re all shy widdle wesbians who can’t talk to girls without keysmashing. hope your brain gets better soon anyway thats kind of all i have to say about those in specific. let’s get into the general shittiness. - you don’t mention nonbinary people in this at all. in fact, you go OUT of your way to only mention girls. - you treat us like (shocker!) a stereotype. which is exactly what these cards do, and you shouldn’t have made them in the first place. horrible move on your part. really a bad idea. OHHH BUT IM NOT DONE YET! let’s get into the nonbinary bingo so you can understand why i want to yell at you so bad

- is out irl not all of us live in safe situations.

- “that’s not real!?” - “what’s in your pants?” - “there’s only two genders!!” - “are you a boy/girl?” - always misgendered why are all the gender bingo cards about being misgendered or having horrible things said to you? what the fuck makes you think anyone would want to hear this? genuinely why are the gender bingo cards so fucking centered around suffering? - masc/femme ( isnt femme a lesbian term? like specifically a lesbian term? i’m very tired and i might be remembering wrong.) - name is a noun - has short hair - wears a binder/bra - uses they/them - has anxiety - plans to/ takes HRT - andro-gynous - uses neo-pronouns - dyed hair ohh it’s all just a fucking nightmare isn’t it. some people are comfortable with their fucking bodies you freak. im relatively fine with mine but this card actually made me feel like i was doing something wrong for a moment because i didn’t hate my body enough. fuck you. fuck you from the bottom of my heart.  you’re completely incapable of thinking of nonbinary people as anything other than someone (skinny and white, most likely) wearing a binder with a dyed undercut. people fucking exist.  i can’t really talk much on this topic because i grew up in a very toxic western culture and i am white, but there are other cultures where nonbinary people are a thing. this isn’t a western-crafted identity, and you are treating it like one. that is horrible. EDIT: adding more to this. your view of nonbinary people is very eurocentric and westernized. that’s what i meant.  - is an artist wah wah im gonna write poetry/paint about how much i hate my body wah wah. fuck you. what a weird thing to put in a bingo space - listens to cavetown once again. these bingo cards were a fucking horrible idea. why would you ever make bingo cards from stereotypes. what is wrong with you? i might add onto this later. im tired and have not slept in a long time. these cards made me very very angry at myself because i was worried i was doing something wrong, for some reason. stereotypes are harmful.

[episode-escapades]

Well, I’m still not giving this game any gems so let’s just let Storm kill himself.

What? Did it just give you a widdle electric shock?

So... let’s think about this.

The Mastermind set this trap in order to get Storm to call the police, supposedly so he’d cost them the game and get Kaia killed.

But instead of that happening, the phone just gives Storm a shock that barely phases him. It doesn’t even kill him- just essentially gives him a love tap of a shock.

I was convinced that this was going to have consequences- I was so close to spending gems. They worded this in a way to get the player to think they would get everyone killed if they didn’t spend gems.

So this is manipulative as hell. Imagine a young girl playing this and being scared that she’ll get Kaia killed if she doesn’t fork over the gems. When in reality the only thing that would happen is Storm gets a little electrocuted.

This game is so gross in how they try to scare kids out of their money. You bet I’m not spending any more gems on this game because it just plain doesn’t deserve them. And it had better start actually being a slasher story instead of just pretending to be one and then going “lol nope” whenever it actually has the chance to live up to its name.

Sorry about the rant I’m very angry and tired and haven’t had coffee yet.

These guys are still standing around bickering instead of looking for their friends. Great job everyone. Great job...

Gigi still manages to make me laugh despite being a total cow.

Draw the Squad.

Also I’m just now noticing the Christmas lights. Isn’t it Springtime? For someone so organised, the Mastermind is a little tardy with their decorations.

Shut up, Everyone: 9

[toh-described]

plain text: these guys suck lol end plain text

image ID: two separate pages of digital drawings on a white canvas in a comic format. It’s read from left to right. In the first image An unmasked Belos looks at a young happy Hunter who is wearing a cloak and holding a book.

“Intelligent, aren’t you?” Belos says. Belos kneels down to the young Hunter’s height as he speaks “I’ll tell you what, ask Lilith to take you to the castle library. You’ll have access to any books you desire to read. And I may add, some restricted books that others are not allowed to access. For their own safety.” Belos brushes the child Hunter’s hair softly. “But I can trust you with them. Now, go on” Hunter walks off in the next panel. Belos gives a tired look once Hunter is gone, his eyebrows are low and his mouth is in a firm line. The Collector shows themselves from behind Belos’ throne, they’re smiling and clasping their hands together as they speak “awww, cute widdle baby!” Belos looks at the collector now with one eye open and the other closed. the rest of the comic is continued in the next image. As The Collector dramatically leans over Belos’ throne they whine “what’s this, like number twenty-two billion?” Belos seems to be content with both his eyes closed as The Collector continues, “Ugh, what makes him any different from the other ones?” Belos now facing The Collector replies with “nothing.” Belos continues explaining “No significant changes are made on his part. It is a long, calculated path, modifying my behavior to get results. Each one gives me insight into what makes him tick. Letting him read whatever he wishes produces better results than not.” The Collector is shown floating next to Belos as they talk back and forth. “You’re writing reports? Lame.” Says The Collector “I’m conducting scientific research. Thank you.” “Psh. Yeah purely scientific” “You’re unreasonably perceptive…” “I am lol!”

these guys suck lol

[bitchfromthecrypt]

So....

I’m just gonna start posting chapters of my book here, cool? Cool.

Anyway this is my first chapter, I’m gonna post them in order with headings and shit.

Hopefully you all like it! And sorry about clogging up the tags!

Criticsm is always welcome and greatly appreciated!!! I’m a new author and 99% of this I’m just making up as I go lol

A widdle synopsis:

Sometimes, life doesn't go quite the way you’d expect.

Death however, never goes the way you’d expect.

Melody Adler; daughter, mother, widow.

She was a woman of many words, and even more talents, a kind soul who strives for the very best at every turn.

She longed to one day move her mother and daughter out of her rundown apartment, far away the hustle and bustle of the city.

Unfortunately, none of that matters because she's dead.

Melody woke up in the middle of an empty field, left with nothing but her new diary, her memories, a whole lot of questions and no one to ask them to.

At first she couldn’t tell if she was in hell or heaven.

Then she met Her.

And it all went down hill from there.

———————————————————————

Anyway, here’s the second draft of the book that has taken me five years and probably one more to write,

This Book Belongs To: Melody

Entry One

My dearest Valerie,

Let me begin by saying this, you are the love of my life, my heart, my soul.

The day I had you was the best day of my life.

You, my love, matter to me more than anything else in this world and I know grandmama would never let you begin to think such a thing, but regardless, I need to tell you, I would never willingly leave you.

Baby, sometimes bad things happen to good people.

Sometimes, there’s no real rhyme or reason and all you can do is take what god has given you.

I wish there was some reason for this.

I wish someone would descend from the heavens and tell me exactly what I did to deserve this.

I was raised well, that's for damn sure.

Sorry baby, excuse my language.

I've never done any drugs, I listened to mama, I read my bible, I went to church and I did everything I could to raise you right.

Why am I here?

Was I kidnapped?

I don’t remember it.

I don’t remember anything after walking you inside.

It's about 70 degrees, overcast here.

All day, every day.

Until the sun sets.

If the sun sets.

When the sun sets, this little world gets so much brighter.

It brightens until the dense pine needles on the packed together trees look like tiny black specks, until the dew on the grass glistens like stars that shouldn’t be as close to you as they seem to be, until the only way to prevent yourself from being blinded is to tuck your head in your knees and cover your eyes so tightly you see spots for hours, as you somehow still manage to feel and see the bright red heat through your eyelids.

I've no clue where the light comes from.

I haven't seen the sun, the moon, or so much as a cloud at all.

Not once.

It's all so empty.

The sky, the woods, the trees, empty.

The only live things here are the grass, about a football field's length around me, and the ring of trees surrounding it.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to smell anything other than pine again.

What really makes it harder to sleep at night is the silence.

Back home, at night, you hear car alarms and sirens, and loud jazz for each and every hour of darkness.

You never realize what sounds lull you to sleep until they’re gone.

Even then, I went to the countryside, once, I know that it isn’t meant to be so silent.

Why, I couldn’t sleep a wink down there with all the crickets, foxes, and raccoons and what have you.

They spent the whole night chirping, hollering, rustling through every bush they could find.

The country isn’t quiet.

Not like this.

See, that's why I know this place isn't human.

Isn't mortal.

This huge forest full of places to hide, and hunt, with admittedly strange weather, but no civilization whatsoever?

I should be fighting off wolves for a blade of grass to sleep on.

And yet, there's nothing.

No one.

It's just quiet, deafening quiet.

There's no animal on earth that can hide well enough to not be noticed for this long.

I hit my head the other day.

Three days ago, maybe?

I'm not certain, I didn't think to bring my calendar.

I had climbed to the top of a tree, I was trying to see if there was anything in the distance.

The trees are tall, frighteningly tall, why, they must be ten stories high.

They don’t touch.

It’s like they’re a barrier, surrounding me, caging me in.

Out in the forest it’s different, much, much different.

Their branches are all tangled together, like one big knot.

There’s barely an inch of light that squeezes past the wiry little needles.

A cage in every sense of the word.

I climbed as far up as I could go before the branches were too thin to hold my weight and still, all I saw was forest for miles.

And miles.

And miles.

I think that was the moment I knew I couldn't leave.

All I could think about was you, baby.

You’re gonna be six years old soon, you’re gonna be a big girl, Val.

Grandma will take care of you, I know that.

It doesn't stop me from worrying, I doubt anything would.

It didn’t stop me from picturing you, sitting there and staring at your birthday cake.

Thinking.

Wondering where mommy is.

I passed out.

I woke up as I was falling through the trees.

I saw the ground beneath me, getting closer, and closer.

I tried to reach out and grab a branch but I couldn't quite grasp any of them.

I could only feel my body hit the rough branches as the pine needles that had looked so close to normal seemed to pierce my skin.

I couldn't stop.

I knew I would die.

I thought of our last christmas.

The look on your face when you opened your present to see that doll you’d begged me to get you for weeks.

The way your eyes lit up, as that little gap toothed smile grew on your face, it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

The way your little arms wrapped around me as you screamed in my ear about how happy you were that Santa got your letter.

I knew you’d stopped believing in him a while ago, the fact that you’d pretended for my sake nearly made me cry.

I wanted you to be the last thing I thought about.

Then I woke up.

In the middle of the field.

Staring out into that circle of pine trees.

It was nighttime, and I didn't have a scratch on me.

I thought, for a moment, that I had hallucinated.

After all, I hadn’t eaten a decent meal in a while.

That’s when I realized, I hadn’t eaten since I got here.

I hadn't been hungry, or thirsty, or tired.

I hadn’t felt a thing, I hadn’t lost any weight, I’m completely and utterly unharmed.

Valerie, little valerian, I love you.

And I love you too mama, I’ll miss you both more than you can ever imagine.

But I’m not alive anymore.

And there’s nothing I can do to get back to you.

[azizasbossbabes-blog]

brother.

oct.24,2017

i finally called my brother to listen to my car & help me figure out what’s wrong with it & to hopefully replace my brakes.

there’s so much i need to tell him, as my brother, but for some reason i can’t bring myself to actually say the words.

the thing is, he asks all the right questions too. my brother is very straight forward person, he usually doesn’t mean to offend he’s just direct like that.

i told him about mom’s diabetes, which she told me not to tell anyone … i can’t keep a secret like that from him, he deserves to know what’s going on with his mother after all … tbh, it’s not fair that she’d ask me to keep a secret like that. (i ALREADY know she’s going to be mad at me for telling …)

but to be even more honest, i had to tell him what’s going on with his mother because it meant we didn’t have to talk about what’s going on with me … i have a really bad habit of doing that. (we can talk about that when i sort that out in therapy)

i’m nervous to tell my brother why i’m really home … but i’m also tired of putting up the facade. maybe i don’t want to hear him say “told you so” … maybe it’s the fact i don’t want him to feel like he needs to go threaten eric’s life (he wouldn’t, but he would want to have a “man to man”) i feel like i’ve had this whole thing under control for so long now that there’s no need to involve, worry anyone else. especially my brother. HE’S MY BROTHER, in very sense of the way, he feels the big brother need to protect my widdle self, when i feel like i’ve got it covered.

my family, in general, is so disconnected. we know what’s going on through social media, but it’s been a while since we’ve all met in one place for no reason at all or for a good reason. (that’s a post of its’ own though)

my brother is cool, he’s wise, he’s fun, & he’s loyal- to a fault. it kinda makes me a little sad that it’s taken me this long to actually reach out to him. i think i’ve been so consumed in my relationships, school, & doing the things that i’ve wanted to do that i’m also missing out on the beauty of family. shit, the beauty of having AN OLD BROTHER! lol!

[mmmaesthetic]

ok another sherlock rant, i love how the fandom reads into literally everything including how john BLINKS at sherlock but never has the time to analyze how sherlock & john’s relationship is toxic and co-dependant

like the fandom sheds tears over their relationship but rly sherlock is an abusive asshole. he is. he’s not just a regular asshole. all the character development for all the characters has been thrown out the window for the writers’ self-congratulatory bullshit & pokes at the fandom. seriously in season three they could have made johnlock happen, could have connected sherlock’s journey from asshole to good person but they didn’t. 

they spent the first episode mocking the fans, treating gay men like a punchline, made a gimmick out of john’s PTSD (which they’d previously treated relatively seriously) & wrote sherlock as if he’d learned nothing. seriously. he spends 2 years in what should be a humbling journey to come back and be just as much of a dick, if not MORE.

and the fandom searches for meaning and clues to why he’s good but really, if you have to dig that DEEP for characterization then it probably doesn’t exist. people use the way sherlock blinks or looks at people, or the color of the lighting, or the weather, or the fact that sherlock is a widdle bit sad as justifications for all the toxic shit he does. but if the writers wanted him to be a better person, they’d write him that way. if the writers wanted sherlock to be queer, they’d make it happen by this point. all the “no homo lol” jokes about john and sherlock are just the writers poking fun at the fans, at sherlock’s legacy, and at queer folk in general at this point. 

the writers fucked up, sherlock is awful, but i feel like the fandom ignores sherlock’s awful traits because...i don’t know why, honestly. because it’s benedict? because we WANT to have sherlock be better? he’s not getting better. toxic and abusive people don’t get better sometimes. 

i have a huge problem with a fanbase mainly comprised of women excusing CONSTANTLY sherlock’s behavior. “oh, that’s just sherlock”. so it’s “just sherlock” when he triggers john to get an apology? it’s “just being sherlock” when he ignores his friends on his phone? it’s “just ~the game~” when he calls janine a whore? what about how cruel he is to molly countless times? what about how JOHN, the ~good guy~, goes along with teasing molly? 

this isn’t normal even for a jerk like sherlock. it’s abusive & toxic shit and i’m sick of the fandom making excuses. in many aspects sherlock resembles real life men who use their “intelligence”, wit, and charm to manipulate people around them. the excuses the fandom makes overall is a big reason why i stopped watching and following the show. 

i WANT sherlock to be good. i WANT johnlock to be real and be queer but the writers have proven over and over that the fandom’s feelings are punchlines, and the idea of sherlock & john being more than bros is ridiculous. i’m tired of a fandom that congratulates a grown, educated man for remembering lestrade’s name; that because he’s cute with babies and dogs that he’s somehow redeemable. those moments are cute, but anyone can be abusive. even a consulting detective.