#I’m a lot better at coming up with setups than endings

[ennn]

Great meta about episode 8 and about Agatha’s feelings. I’m particularly curious about Rio and I agree with everything you said about her feelings and why she lashed out. She finally gave up on Agatha after centuries, she accepted she would always hate her no matter what even if she chose giving Billy up or herself but did that kiss change anything for her? She looked like she was truly grieving her and letting go

I don’t think she knew about ghost Agatha but will that change anything? Do you think she will follow the deal and leave Agatha alone? There is also the issue about Tommy but if you don’t count the twins do you think Death finally decided to move on? Will she be free or with those two, never 😂

Heh, I did leave out the part about the kiss in my meta post didn't I? My brain was so tired lol

The short answer? It's ambiguous.

And I think that's largely deliberate because The Powers That Be (TPTB) haven't committed to where and how they want to use Rio / Death in future Marvel projects.

I think there's definitely enough setup done and opportunity in the story for Rio to come back for an AAA sequel or spin-off — but also enough ambiguity if not.

Story-wise, the kiss is significant because I don't think Agatha's one to directly apologise or walk back what she says. It's a similar thing in episode 4 where Agatha embraces Rio with all that emotion.

I think the kiss is Agatha saying she still does have love for Rio, that she does want her despite all that she said earlier, that she's sorry but she can't let this boy die.

It's very heartbreaking if you consider Rio had resigned herself to Agatha just hating and rejecting her, and she is given this reminder of their love as a goodbye.

But ultimately I think with Agatha's progress – inching her way along her arc – this still marks the end of this chapter of their relationship: these two finally had something of an honest conversation, the baseline of their interactions has changed, and Rio needs to process brand new emotions like grief (which I sure hope doesn't have cosmic consequences ha ha).

That said, the kiss does seem to put Agatha and Rio in a relatively okay place at the end of this chapter. It's a bit of reconciliation. They've shown that they still love each other, but there's still a significant disconnect between them. But as a wise Lilia once said, sad is better than angry.

Now the ghost thing: it's a really interesting change to the dynamic of their relationship but I don't know if Agatha being a ghost encourages or dissuades Rio to go after her. Rio may feel motivated to help Agatha pass on and be with Nicky. Or Rio may take it as Agatha choosing to put distance between them, and from what we see in episode 5, Rio can't really do much about ghosts.

What the ghost thing does do is give Rio some grounds to ignore the first deal because if we look at the letter of the arrangement, Agatha asks for Rio "to stop making her life hell" and to not see Rio's face when she dies. These terms are no longer relevant for a ghost.

And if one argues that the deal has Agatha telling Rio to stop pursuing her, you could argue that Rio's following Billy and trying to deal with the Tommy situation. Agatha just happens to be around all the time while Rio's doing her job.

If we ignore the whole Maximoff twin situation like you say, I think it would actually be up to Agatha to decide whether a new chapter of them begins.

Because while being a ghost is a sacrifice in a lot of ways, it actually gives Agatha more control over the relationship in a way she didn't before, not even with the Darkhold. I don't think Rio can touch her, literally. It's possible Rio can't even sense her.

The good news is, this kind of ambiguity is perfect for fanfiction and fan interpretations. There is a lot of potential there.

[grayrazor]

“Captain, you should have never taken Evangeline through that typhoon,” Jamestown barked as soon as I came down the stair. The engineer continued to growl through his white beard as he led me through the lower decks, “The winds ripped one of the screws (propellers) clean off. Number 3 engine is just dead weight now. But that’s nothing compared to this problem,” Jamestown gestured to one of the ballast tanks. There was a tear in the side big enough for a man to put his hand through, and silvery inertium was dripping up from it and pooling on the ceiling.

“How could this have happened?” I gasped, then, more practically, “how bad’s the loss?”

“I don’t know, Skipper,” Jamestown scratched his head. “I’ve heard stories about tornadoes sticking straw inches deep in tree trunks, but never any storm that could throw a piece of debris right through the steel side of a ship and the tanks inside. We’re lucky nobody was in the way of whatever that was or they’d be all over the walls now. Getting to the point, the ceiling should hold it for a while, but it won't be long before our ballast seeps between the deck plates and planks and falls into space--while we fall in the other direction. Between that and the lost prop-screw I give us maybe thirty miles before we sink.”

I pondered for a second. “I’ll have to check our position on the charts.” I sighed and undid the top button on my uniform, then loosened my scarf, “Don't get the crew’s hopes up. We didn't know these skies even before we met that storm. There’s no telling whether we’ll be able to get to a tall mountain or sky island to anchor and make repairs. At our altitude it’s unlikely anyone will survive a crash landing.”

Jamestown put his fists on his hips, “I'd die before leaving Evangeline to wreck anyways. I say we go for it!”

I tried to lighten the situation, “Where’s that loyalty to Evangeline when I need you and your lads to scrape the rust and parasites off her?”

He chuckled, though grimly, “ if you didn't run her engines so hard we’d have more boys and girls free for her beauty treatments instead of stifling boiler explosions or pulling hurricane-blown trees out of windows. Did you know Karlsdottir has been struck by lightning three times. Three times. Normal people only get it once if they’re lucky.”

“Didn’t Karlsdottir join because she thought working a sunfish trawler was boring?” I recalled.

“Aye. Hasn’t missed it once.”

I returned to my cabin and worked out from the position of the sun and various landmarks that we were about twenty-seven miles from a nameless, uninhabited sky-island. It was small, but not so small we would worry about Evangeline sliding off the edge if we ran out of ballast. Twenty-seven miles is scary close to thirty when thirty means falling to your doom.

By the time I had come up to the pilot-house to lay in a course the sun was setting. A wall of fog had started to roll in behind the storm we had weathered--right in the direction we needed to be going to reach the island. We would have to take it slow, lest we risk hitting inertium-infused rocks or befoul the screw-props on some skyfauna. The last thing we needed at this point was to hit a hydrogen whale or get an infestation of barnacle-gremlins. The slower we went though, the more time our ballast had to leak out.

After two hours I decided to let the pilot, Bjorn, do his job in peace. I walked back to my chair and watched the floodlights sweep back and forth through the haze, both in the air and on the bridge’s unwashed windows. There was nothing to be found on our old wireless, whether because of interference from the storm or because we were so far out in uncharted skies. Bjorn looked out of place among the brass instruments and steel bulkheads of Evangeline’s bridge. With his enormous arms, bushy mustache, and fur scarf he looked like he should be steerman on a viking longship rather than a tramp steamer. That, or like a walrus trying to pass itself off as human. Another hour passed with no noise, save for the wind rushing by and the churning of the engine nacelles. An unexpected sound was the one to break the silence: Leslie Chang on spotter duty, shouting through the speaking tube, “Wreck off the starboard braces! Half a mile off, four hundred feet above us!”

I jumped to my feet and grabbed my binoculars. As I ran to the nearest window I realized that one of the lenses had come loose inside, but any difficulty was made up for by the fact that all the floodlight operators had spotted the wreck and were training their beams on it. From what I could see it was the remains of an old wooden airship, maybe a century or more old. She was hanging in the air upside-down, her masts dangling below her hull like spider legs. “If she’s still adrift, her ballast barrels must be intact. This could be our saving grace!” I tapped Bjorn on the shoulder and he grunted in annoyance, “Bring us in close, steady as she goes. I’ll head below and prepare a boarding party.

Only four able-bodied skymen had agreed to come with me, the rest being old superstitious flyers who thought it was better to try and make it with what we had than to have anything to do with a wreck. Avery had been a circus acrobat in her former life; she was tall and thin but surprisingly strong. She would be handling the Mark IX grappling hook. Jamestown Jr. was the spitting image of his father, and always up for any dangerous task that he could use to impress. He and Karlsdottir would handle the barrels of ballast. And then there was Tex, who insisted he needed to come along for our protection. The man had at least five guns on him at all times, and I remain convinced that he came on all boarding and landing parties not for our defense, but because he had vivid and enthusiastic fantasies about shooting people.

We all stood along Evangeline’s forecastle gunwales as Bjorn brought us in close. Junior sputtered excitedly, “She’s not just any old hulk, this is an old imperial ship-of-the-line!” As we came past her stern the letters of her name were still visible amidst the airplants and algae: Antipathy, the most unimpressive name for a warship I ever saw. As Evangeline came around Antipathy’s far side we saw something that interrupted Avery’s grappling and stilled the hearts in our breasts: A long jagged crack ran along her side nearly from gundeck to keel. Something had all-but torn this cruiser in half. It was a marvel in itself, and a testament to her construction, that Antipathy was still one ship, and not a smattering of timbers, planks, and inertium barrels spiraling in the deeps.

Tex, as soon as he regained his composure, took advantage of an opportunity to freak out the more junior shipmates, “Ain’t no wind that done this. This’s the work of the Ziz.”

“The what?” Karlsdottir scratched her head

Tex was in full scary-story-narration mode, “They say on the week of creation the Almighty made three rulers for all the domains of the world. The Leviathan in the Sea, the Behemoth in the Earth, and the Ziz in the Sky. Not beast, not bird, not fish, big enough to block out the sun over an entire kingdom with its wings. A thing to make all the krakens and rocs pi--”

I had had enough, “You’d think something that big could do a bit more damage than this. I’ve seen angry hydrogen whales and wyverns do all kinds of horrible things to ships, even worse than this.” I hadn’t actually, but I wasn’t going to admit that, “Don’t overexcite yourself, Tex. You’re liable to shoot your fool self in the leg.”

Avery began to line up the shot in the linegun. “This would be so much easier if someone hadn't lost the skiff in the Jade Moors,” Junior grumbled.

[about-faces]

Last night, I was once again struggling to actually write smut for a Harvey/Bruce/Gilda fic, when I noticed a very timely new guest comment on my Gilda fic, Bust. It was the first truly critical response I’ve gotten so far, and while that sort of thing would normally send me into a depressive tizzy, I actually found it really interesting!

So instead of actually writing the ship, as I should have been, I wanted to take this opportunity to think about just why the heck I shipped them in the first place.

Here’s how I responded, with added scans to hopefully better illustrate my point, plus some additions that occurred to me upon drafting this post:

I’m actually glad you raised this point, because I would have felt the exact same as you just a few years ago!

I’m gray-asexual, and I used to be a bit bothered by the rise of Bruce/Harvey shippers, because it was their canonical platonic FRIENDSHIP that mattered so much to me. I gradually warmed up to the shippers, because 1.) I realized I was ace and they probably weren’t, and 2.) they at least understood the importance of Bruce and Harvey’s bond, which is more than I can say for LOTS of official DC media.

Still, something bugged me about the ship, and I realized what it was: the lack of Gilda from the equation. She’s always been deeply important to me, especially her scant older appearances, and erasing her for a Bruce/Harvey ship (even one I’d come to appreciate) didn’t sit right with me.

But like you said, it’s not canon, and I’ve always been deeply invested in canon, even the stuff that’s frustrating and contradictory. So yeah, the throuple would have bugged me too.

Except! It all depends on WHICH canon you’re talking about!

So over the past 15 years, I’ve been obsessed with tracking down the entirety of the obscure, forgotten Batman newspaper comic strip from 1989-1991. I’ve posted the entire thing at @batman-daily, and I strongly encourage you to check it out. A couple years ago, I reread it and noticed something really interesting: the remarkable relationship between Bruce, Harvey, and the latter’s wife, Alice, who is Gilda in every way but name. They are all mutual friends, with Alice even going to visit Bruce alone to help/bully him to take care of himself.

It all reads like a perfect long-game setup for a love triangle, or for Harvey—having become Two-Face—to go after his loved ones in a jealous rage, like he did in Paul Dini’s “Two-Timer,” a story which notably showed that Grace had feelings for Bruce.

With that in mind, consider the final story arc of the newspaper strip, wherein Bruce acknowledges his OWN feelings for Alice and PASSIONATELY KISSES HER, all in a hilariously roundabout way to save her marriage to Harvey! It makes sense in context and is frankly hilarious.

And it works! Because Harvey isn’t jealous! The love triangle conflict you expect NEVER HAPPENS! Because they all love one another! And that love saves Harvey in the very end!

Was it explicitly a throuple? No, but nor have Bruce and Harvey ever canonically touched dicks. And yet the love between Bruce and Harvey in canon is true and real enough that shippers who want to make it sexual are perfectly allowed to do so, because it’s the love that matters. At least, for those of us who aren’t afraid to acknowledge the love between men, platonic or otherwise. And that love is rooted in canon.

So consider this: the mutual three-way-love between Bruce, Harvey, and Alice/Gilda is ALSO canon. That comic strip has been officially accepted as DC multiverse canon in the “Crisis on Infinite Earths: Absolute Edition,” which designated it as Earth-1289.

Furthermore, there’s something else you need to consider: the fact that Harvey HAS been used in love triangles against Bruce in several stories in recent decades. I already mentioned “Two-Timer,” but there’s also Nolan’s “The Dark Knight,” the animated “Gotham By Gaslight” film, and the Telltale game. In various ways, these stories serve to throw a wedge in the friendship between Bruce (the protagonist, whose story serves him) and Harvey (the guy who is going to lose it all, the woman included). I hate that shit. I hate the contrived drama that’s meant to stir up needless added conflict between two men who love each other.

And then, on the other hand, you have Mariko Tamaki’s Gilda story from “Batman: Black and White.” Tamaki depicted Harvey and Gilda being in a distant, loveless marriage, where even on their wedding day, he was constantly ignoring her in favor of work. The only person who could actually get his attention was Bruce.

At the time, this felt an awful lot like that problem I was talking about with the Bruce/Harvey shippers: raising up the gay ship while throwing the woman under the bus. In this case, for the purpose of doing an avenging girlboss take on Gilda. I hated that too, especially when Tamaki didn’t even follow through with the gay subtext in her next, miserable Two-Face comic.

You know that meme of a bride, groom, and best man all kissing one another, while the bride flips off the cameraman in the end? @whipbogard redrew the Tamaki wedding scene as that meme, right around the time I reread the comic strip. And suddenly, everything clicked into place for me.

After a lifetime of never, ever having any serious fandom ships, I fell in love with the idea of Bruce/Harvey/Gilda. Take what the comic strip did and bring it into the mainstream canon I love to spite the canon I hate.

In those great old Gilda stories, she saw through Harvey’s bullshit and knew how to reach him, however temporarily. She could do the same with Bruce. She’d be a valuable third voice for the ongoing toxic relationship between Bruce and Harvey, the one who could love them both while also getting to be frustrated with how fucking stupid and fucked-up both these men are.

Before she was reduced to a ride-or-die killer housewife in "The Long Halloween" (which, I'll grant you, has its own appeal), classic Gilda would actually stand up to Harvey and tell him to cut out his shit or else. I love the idea that she can also see right through Bruce, understanding how very alike he and Harvey are, even if they don't want to admit it.

Writing Gilda this way speaks to me as a longtime fan of both men, while also wanting to try to develop her place, as a woman stuck in the middle of their decades' worth of conflict and angst. She sees these men at their best, worst, and most pathetic/ridiculous, and while she's got the nerve to stand up for herself and call them out as needed, she still loves them nonetheless. For me, Gilda has become the voice for fans just like me, who are helpless to stop Batman and Two-Face from continuing the cycle of violent, toxic friendship, but still loving them nonetheless, and always hoping for the best.

So, at this point, let’s say I’ve at least managed to make you grudgingly accept my reasoning for the relationship. Even if that’s true, I’m gonna guess that the mention of a threesome felt like it came out of left field. I can’t argue with that. I wanted to actually write that as its own smutfic but, being ace, I struggle with that. But I really liked the idea, and as I was writing this, it just really wanted to be mentioned, so I included it.

The response has been positive (until now), which indicated to me that I had been successful in introducing Gilda as a viable third into a slice of fandom which had only shipped Bruce and Harvey. This is fanfic, after all, such things are expected, even encouraged, so I leaned into it.

Now, if I were ever (un?)fortunate enough to write for DC, officially? I doubt I’d have the nerve to go that far. But I’d still want to at least embrace the polycule-coded relationship between those three that we saw in the newspaper comic strip. I think it adds a whole new, refreshing spin on their ongoing dynamics, while being rooted in relationships that were established all the way back in 1942 by Bill Finger.

Finger’s story, at its heart, was all about how love can save a life. How love is the only way to defeat the villain. For Harvey Kent’s part, Gilda’s love was every bit as important as Batman’s unwillingness to give up on his friend. So I’m just taking it one step further within the freedom allowed me by fanfic.

Sorry for the length of the reply, but as you can see, I only came to this shit after several decades of thinking about 80+ years of official material. I hope I have at least been able to lessen your feelings of being jarred out of a story you otherwise seemed to appreciate. For my part, I hope to further develop the potential of this fucked-up polycule in future stories, and maybe—just maybe—I’ll be able to get you on board too. Hope to see you then!

(art by ofossart)

[mintsturniolo]

stressed (c.s)

a/n: chris fic with a little bit of nick

bf!chris sturniolo x f!reader x bsf!nick

summary: when mia has a panic attack while filming a video with nick, chris manages to calm her down.

Mia sat quietly on Nick’s bed as she listened to him explain his video idea that he wanted her to be a part of. Normally she would love to be a part of Nick’s vlogs for his private channel, but today her anxiety was higher than usual and she couldn’t focus on anything except her racing thoughts. Nick flopped on the bed beside her and smiled as he turned to face her. “Or, you know what would be really cool?” he asked.

“Hm?” Mia sighs, earning a concerned look from Nick.

Nick propped himself on his elbows so he could get a better look at Mia. “Are you okay?”

Mia nodded as she sat a little straighter. “Sorry. I just dissociated for a second,” she replied quietly. “What were you saying?”

“You’ve been distracted a lot lately,” Nick said gently. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

No. I’m not okay. I feel like I can’t catch my breath and this anxious feeling won’t leave. I want to cry, but I can’t. There’s so much pressure right now, Mia thought to herself. Out loud she replied. “Yeah. Just a little stressed with everything going on right now. Let’s film.”

Nick gave Mia a funny look before nodding slowly. He decided not to push since it was clear she didn’t want to talk about it. She would come to him or someone when she was ready. “So which would you like to do? We can do a paint and talk video so we can give life updates to our subscribers or do you want to do the food challenge I was telling you about?”

Mia thought for a moment. She wasn’t really in the mood for food, even though she’d barely eaten since college finals had started. “Paint and talk. I know we have the supplies somewhere,” she replied.

Nick grinned as he got up and made his way to the door. “Great. I’ll go find the supplies. Can you set up the camera?”

“Sure,” Mia replied.

Mia made her way downstairs to find Chris and Matt on the couch watching tiktoks. “You guys are going to need to move soon,” she said as she set the tripod in front of the dining room table.

“Why?” Matt asked, not even looking up from his phone.

“Nick and I are doing a paint and talk video,” Mia replied as she setup the camera.

Mia cursed under her breath when she almost dropped Nick’s favorite camera. Hearing how frustrated she sounded, Chris got up and made his way to her. “Here you go, love,” he said and finished setting up the camera. “Are you okay?”

Mia didn’t respond and Chris gently lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Are you?”

“I’m fine Chris,” Mia lied as Nick walked into the room with painting supplies.

“Ready to film?” Nick asked.

“Always,” Mia said enthusiastically.

Nick and Mia made a point of shooing Matt and Chris out of the room. They setup the paint supplies and turned on the camera. “What’s going on everyone? Welcome back to my channel. I’m Nick Sturniolo and I’m here with Mia and today we’re going to be painting and giving y’all some life updates,” Nick said excitedly.

Nick began to give some updates on the triplet’s channel as well as discussing a future launch for his brand. Mia sat quietly working on her painting, occasionally looking up to reply to Nick or laugh at a joke. “So I think that’s all from me,” Nick said happily. “Sorry. I went on a a little tangent toward the end. I know everyone’s eager to hear more about your channel Mia.”

Mia looked up, as she zoned back in to the video they were filming. “Huh?” She asked, lowering her paintbrush. “Oh. Yeah.”

Nick raised an eyebrow but continued painting. Mia took a deep breath and looked at the camera. She wanted to say that she had things planned the way Nick did. She wanted to say everything was going well. She wanted to announce the launch of her own brand that she’d started working on with Chris. The more she thought about it, the more the stress of the past several weeks began to weigh on her. She anxiously tapped her paintbrush on the table as her leg began to shake. “Hey…” Nick said softly.

Mia’s breathing picked up as she tried to catch her breath. She put a hand to her chest and Nick got to his feet and quickly turned off the camera. Nick came hurried over to Mia’s side and rubbed her back. “I’m right here. It’s okay. We don’t have to do this video.”

Tears started to fill Mia’s eyes and she ran to Chris’s room, locking the door behind her. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to see her cry. She knew Nick would get Chris. That’s who she wanted. It was who she needed at this moment.

Nick knocked on the door. “Mia?” He asked.

Getting no response, Nick checked his phone to see where Chris might be. He was happy to see that he was still home. Chris had originally planned to go out with some friends today. Nick made his way upstairs to find Matt and Chris talking in Matt’s room. “Nick, settle this argument for us,” Chris said enthusiastically as he searched for something on his phone. Chris looked up and his smile faded. “What’s wrong Nick?”

“Mia really needs you. She’s having a panic attack,” Nick replied. “We were filming a video and she got really upset.”

“I knew something was off,” Chris sighed as he got up. “Thanks, Nick.”

Chris headed to his room and knocked on the door worriedly. When he got no response, he opened the door and sighed when he saw Mia pacing the room trying to catch her breath. “Mia…” he said softly.

Mia turned and looked at him with tear filled eyes as she took a shaky breath. Chris noticed that she was picking at her nails and approached her. He took her hands in his. “You’re okay. I’m right here. Can you tell me what happened?”

“I don’t know,” Mia choked out as her breathing picked up. “I don’t know what’s going on Chris. I’ve been so anxious lately and I don’t know why. I don’t know if it’s my classes or keeping up with my channel. I don’t feel like I’m doing well at either one. I wanted to tell you, but you guys have so much going on and I didn’t want to bother you.”

Chris pulled Mia into his arms as she started to sob harder. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve known baby.”

Mia continued to sob in Chris’s arms as he held her, knowing she couldn’t support herself right then. Chris hated that she didn’t think she could come to him when they were busy. He continued to whisper apologies to her as he ran his fingers through her hair. As Mia’s sobs slowed, Chris looked down at her and wiped the tears off her cheeks. “Let’s just have a quiet evening. I know Nick or Matt were planning on making dinner. Go get a shower and I’ll bring some up to you.”

Mia nodded and started to walk away. Chris gently pulled her back and brushed his lips against hers. “I love you.”

“Love you,” Mia replied and made her way into the bathroom.

Chris went upstairs and saw Nick and Matt in the kitchen arguing over what to cook. They got quiet as Chris approached them. “Is everything okay?” Matt asked.

“She’s so stressed. Everything’s piling up right now,” Chris replied. “She said she wants to stay in our room for the rest of the night.”

“Is she hungry?” Nick asked as he looked through the pantry.

“A little. What are we having?” Chris replied.

Nick side eyed Matt. “Well if this one wasn’t so fucking indecisive maybe we would already have something on the stove.”

“You turned down all my suggestions,” Matt retorted smacking Nick over the head.

“Hit me one more time. I dare you,” Nick snapped as he went back to checking the pantry.

“Let’s make her fettuccine alfredo,” Matt suggested as he reached for the pasta. “She loves that.

When dinner was ready, Chris made a plate for himself and Mia. “I guess this is goodnight guys. I’m not sure when I’ll be back down. Have a good evening though.”

Matt and Nick told Chris goodnight as they made their way to the couch to watch tv. Chris went upstairs and smiled slightly when he saw Mia curled up on the bed in his hoodie and sweats. “Hey baby. How are you feeling?”

Mia shrugged as she sat up. “What have you got there?”

“We made your favorite. Fettuccini,” Chris said, having her a plate and joining her on the bed.

The couple sat quietly as they ate. It was clear Mia wasn’t feeling the best but Chris knew some food and some rest was what she needed to bounce back. When they’d finished eating, Chris moved their plates to his desk. When he turned around he noticed tears in Mia’s eyes again. “What happened my love?” He asked worriedly.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying,” Mia stuttered as she wiped her tears away. “I’m sorry Chris. I ruined your whole evening. And theirs. I ruined Nick’s video too. I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Chris got on the bed and pulled Mia into a hug. “Shhhh… you didn’t ruin anything. We all have bad days my love.”

“Nick’s gonna be mad,” Mia sobbed.

“I promise he’s not. He’s just worried about you. They both are. No one’s mad at you. We just need you to be okay,” Chris reassured her.

Mia’s sobs quieted as Chris continued to reassure her. Chris ran his fingers through her hair as her breathing slowed. “How you feeling?”

“Can we watch something? I just need something in my mind other than my thoughts,” Mia replied.

Chris nodded and reached for his remote. They scrolled through Netflix before deciding on a show. As Chris laid down he pulled Mia against him making himself the big spoon.

As the show went on Chris noticed that Mia had gotten quiet. He glanced at her and smiled as he noticed her going in out of sleep. He turned off the tv and rubbed her back. “Chris,” Mia yawned.

“Hmmm,” Chris hummed starting to get sleepy himself.

“Thanks,” Mia said.

“You don’t have to thank me. You know I’m always going to be right here if you need me,” Chris murmured.

@sturniolo04

[dragonnarrative-writes]

Kinktober Day 1 - Voyeurism

Kate Laswell x Bricks (CIA Asset OC)

CW: Dub-con/Non-con voyeurism (one person is not aware they are being watched), surveillance, sex work, dirty talk, degradation, impact play, daddy kink, too many mirrors, too much setup and an abrupt ending, big dogs

“Got me Watcher?” Bricks covers the movement of her mouth by touching up her lipstick in the mirrored wall of the elevator.

“Coming in clear,” Kate answers. “Go ahead and run a final calibration on the lenses.” She marks the edges of the camera range as Bricks sweeps her eyes in a practiced pattern to confirm the fit and function of the contacts. When she crosses her eyes and sticks her tongue out, confusing the feed, Kate chuckles. “Save it for Mendoza.”

“Please,” Bricks snickers. “My best is wasted on him.”

The doors open. Two large men, Mendoza’s bodyguards, usher Bricks forward. Real professionals, Kate notes, neither of them letting their eyes linger on stunning legs or exposed cleavage. One waves a wand over her, hair to heels, and the other takes the clutch from Bricks’ hand. He rifles through it, then doesn’t give it back.

“My second best lipstick is in there,” Bricks protests, half-heartedly. “I’m gonna want that back, later.”

“You’ll get it back when you leave,” the man grunts. “Come with us please.”

“Give me doors,” Kate instructs as they proceed down the hall. The cameras flick almost aimlessly as her asset strides between her escorts, but Kate is ready. “Left again,” she murmurs, quickly tagging frames for review. “Good girl.”

Once Bricks is handed off to Mendoza, the real work starts. Dinner goes as expected. Mendoza brags and paws. Bricks is charming, flirty, and teasing. She plays every bit of her part while Kate half listens and reviews data on the guards. Contractors, she notes as Bricks titters about something. Mendoza is just oggling her tits, so Kate continues reading the dossier. Contractors, good ones. Ex-military, but unlikely to see Bricks for the threat she is. The only problem will be-

“Puppies,” Bricks coos, as two Rottweilers come trotting up to the table. “I love dogs. How old are they?”

“They’re trained as part of the security detail,” Kate states as Mendoza goes on about pedigree. “German commands.”

Bricks kisses one of the dogs on the snout. “Do they know any tricks?”

“They’re trained killers,” the mark brags. “Only listen to me and designated handlers.”

“The handler command is folge mir,” Kate provides. Luckily, Bricks isn’t able to comment on her abysmal accent. “Ruhig. Geh runter.”

It doesn’t take long for Mendoza to send the dogs away, tired of not being the center of attention. And Bricks plays him like a fiddle, drawing him all around the penthouse to give Kate sight lines, the layout, and an unobstructed view of the server room through the kitchen.

When he finally catches her, Kate cant help but snort. “Is he as bad a kisser as he sounds? Your not usually this all over the place."

Bricks doesn’t bother to hold back a soft laugh. Mendoza lifts his mouth from her neck with an almost affronted grin. “What’s so funny?”

“Sorry,” she giggles, with a peck to his lips. “Ticklish, and I just feel good with you.”

“Can I make you feel better?”

“Here’s hoping,” Kate mutters as she counts server racks in Bricks’ periphery. The woman’s laugh rings off the marble counter tops.

Kate doesn’t bother watching the feed as Bricks kisses Mendoza down the hall, eyes closed to avoid any chance he might notice her contacts. When she opens her eyes again, Kate stifles a groan and pulls out her cigarettes. Mendoza’s bedroom has an entire wall of mirrors, and another on the wall above his headboard. Bricks kisses him some more, but in no time, she’s bent over the bed, looking at her own breasts nearly spilling from the top of her dress.

She’s there for… a lot longer than Kate expected. Whatever Mendoza is doing, she looks as bored as she ever does when she’s in character. Kate decides to step in when she moans, rote.

“Oh no,” Kate chuckles, grinning when Bricks’ eyes snap to her reflection. “I know you can do better than that. If I have to watch you have sex, you’re going to make it worth my while. Get that ass in the air, lets’s see if Mendoza can’t be good for something.”

Bricks’ next moan is much more resonant. Mendoza echoes her as he bends over her back, no doubt pressing his cock against her barely there panties.

“Ask for a spanking,” Kate commands, lighting a cigarette. “Ask nice, the way I like.”

“Please spank me, daddy,” Bricks moans, holding eye contact with the mirror, staring directly at Kate.

“Good girl, there you go,” Kate purrs, over Mendoza’s tiresome noises. “Too bad he’s going to be such a shit lay. You’re right, your best is wasted on him. Say thank you.”

Bricks hisses after Mendoza gives her three quick, sloppy strikes. “Thank you, daddy.”

“Fuck, you’re a slut, huh?” Mendoza flips her, and Kate laughs to see the mirrored tiles on the ceiling. “I can be your daddy, baby girl.”

“I’m tired of hearing his voice,” Kate scoffs. “Put his mouth to use.”

Bricks opts to grab a fistful of his hair and drag the man down her body. Kate gets to enjoy the view of her, chest heaving and disheveled as she winks up at her reflection. There’s no rolling eyes - there’s nothing of interest in the room, really, and Mendoza is apparently all noise and no skill.

“Touch yourself,” Kate commands. “Give yourself a show, beautiful.”

Bricks draws the fingers of her free hand down her neck, toying with her necklace before pushing the fabric of her dress down beneath full breasts. Kate makes an appreciative noise when she pinches a nipple. The woman in the mirror moans and arches her hips into the mouth between her thighs. Her eyes go half-lidded, when Mendoza pulls away to pant against her, one hand working its way up to prod at her. He groans something about “wet” and “tight,” like he had anything to do with the first and doesn’t understand the implications of the second.

“Please,” Bricks moans at her reflection.

“Oh,” Kate chuckles, “Is he really that good?”

“Roll over,” Mendoza growls as he stands. He’s dropped his pants and underwear.

“No,” Kate snorts. “I’m not watching your bored face as you compare him to Ghost. Ride him.”

All it takes is one skilled twist of Bricks’ hips before Mendoza is lying on his back, groaning under the woman Kate could command to kill him at any moment.

But Kate simply sits back in her chair. “Finish him off before I finish this cigarette, and I’ll let you come.”

Bricks narrows her eyes at the mirror. Kate can almost hear her calculating how long it’s been since she heard the click of the lighter. And then she balances on the balls of her feet and Kate grins as she watches the woman tear Mendoza’s orgasm from him with brutal efficiency.

“Good girl.”

[fyodoro]

CHAPTER 148?? THIS WAS CRAZY??? anyways spoilers below cut (just me sharing thought and opinions, all good) but heres a panel of endo bc even if i hate him, he’s still a little comedian sometimes

Sakura accepting that losing is okay was the main focus in this chapter, which I think is really nice. I also like that he makes it clear that there’s a difference between “not winning” and “losing,” because in a way, yeah, they are two different things. But here he comes to accept that both are okay. Yeah, he really wants to win, and he’s not okay with “losing,” but he’s okay with “not winning.” I give props to Satoru Nii here, he did a great job with this.

I know a lot of people want that rooftop fight, or at least a glimpse of it, but if I’m being honest… I’m kinda glad we aren’t seeing it. These little glimpses of Umemiya are enough, and they’re Nii’s way of telling us that Sakura and Umemiya are in the same headspace right now. I said it before but I don’t have a problem saying it again… I really do think Umemiya should be out of commission after this arc, even if it’s briefly.

It’s definitely a hot take, but Wind Breaker is at a point in its plot where a sacrifice needs to be made. I’m not saying kill the guy, but a coma might be probable. Maybe I’m just so used to mangas with dreadful deaths and sacrifices, but yeah, that’s my opinion on the hidden fight.

Lastly, Sakura’s sacrifice. Tbh this was perfect. I said before that Sakura going with Endo would be an amazing setup for the next arc, but I also said that if executed right, him taking Endo down would be amazing for his character. And… yeah, this was executed perfectly. We the audience knew that Sakura could not beat Endo, and so did he. These last few chapters built on his character growth with his inner-monologue and paid off in the end.

He made it clear that he was okay with sacrificing himself for Furin’s sake, that he’d go with Endo if he won. But no one actually wants that to happen besides Endo, and Sakura quite literally has to take him down. So what better way than knocking both of them out at once?

So yeah, 10/10 chapter. I’m really happy with the writing recently and I’m hoping that it only goes up from here. I appreciate Satoru Nii’s understanding of his own characters a lot and I’m so grateful for his care put into the story.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Ask Me Again Tomorrow

Pairing: Rockstar!Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~3.1k

Warnings: angst, forgetting an anniversary, feeling like he found someone better than you, fluff at the end

Request by anon: Hey can i request a rockstar Dean where the reader is her girlfriend and he miss them anniversary for some reason and never called the reader to tell her and she go mad and stop talking to him? Happy ending

Summary: Dean is a world-famous musician/singer who is currently on tour. Your five-year anniversary is coming up on a day that he is scheduled to do a show in Japan. What happens when he forgets to call you on this most special day?

Square Filled: celebrity for @spnonewordbingo (deleted bingo)

Author’s Note: i appreciate any and all comments! <3

x

The concert isn’t for another hour but there are already so many fans in the stands and on the floor. One of your favorite things about being in a relationship with a famous musician/singer is to meet their fans. Everyone knows you and Dean Winchester are in a relationship since you’re all he talks about whenever he goes for interviews. They’ve seen plenty of videos of you two together, and both your Instagrams are filled with each other. Your lives are private but you love to share him on all of your social media. You’ve gained a lot of followers since announcing your relationship but you don’t mind.

None of the fans are expecting you to show up even though they’re secretly hoping you do. Not every seat on the floor is filled but a lot of them are. Fans from all over the country grab their seats and mingle with each other, gossiping about the latest news about you and Dean. One girl from a small group sees you and visibly freaks so now everyone is looking her way. Once they see you, they get so excited to meet the elusive Y/N.

“Hi! It’s so nice to meet you guys!” you grin and give hugs to those who want them.

“Can I take a picture with you?” someone asks.

You pose with as many fans as you can, making friends and complimenting everyone on their outfits.

“I love your dress! You look so cute in it!” you gush to a fan.

“Oh, my God. Thank you! You look amazing!” she grins. “Would it be too much to ask if you can sign this?”

“Me? You want my signature?”

“Of course! You’re amazing!”

“Okay,” you smile and sign whatever she has for you.

You’re not used to people asking for pictures and signatures since you’re not the famous one, but it’s nice to be recognized. You’re with Dean all the time so all of his fans know who you are. Where he’s the breadwinner, you’re the stay-at-home girlfriend who takes care of the plants and pets. You don’t like working so this is a good setup for you two. You two talked over how this was going to work and both came to the compromise that he would make the money. It’s not like he minded. He loves touring, interviews, and making music with his band. Plus, with no job to hold you down, you get to go with him to different countries and see his shows.

Once you’re done on the floor, you head backstage where your boyfriend is. He’s sitting down on the couch tuning his guitar. The opening act is just about to go on stage so he has some time before he needs to go on stage.

“I found her!”

Dean looks up when he hears his brother from across the room.

“There’s my girl,” Dean smiles and puts his guitar down. “I wonder where you went off to.”

“You have the nicest fans,” you grin and sit next to him.

“They’re all women. Of course, they’re nice.”

Dean wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls you into his side.

“I don’t know, I know some women are monsters.” Dean only smiles at your comment and kisses you slowly. God, it feels so good to kiss him. “Don’t start something you can’t finish, Winchester.”

“You know me. Give me ten minutes and I’m golden.” He pulls away from you with a sly grin. “Are you staying for the whole show?”

“Of course.”

You two relax on the couch as he tunes his guitar. As soon as the opening act is finished, it’s Dean’s turn to get ready for the stage. He and his band make their way under the stage so they can be lifted up onto it. You walk back onto the floor and over to the VIP section where some other celebrities have come to see his show. It’s also amazing to be friends with actual celebrities. You never thought you’d get the chance t be friends with so many of them.

As soon as Dean and his band are lifted onto the stage, the crowd goes wild. Dean is so happy on stage playing his music for people who make what he does possible. The smile on his face says it all, and you scream along with the fans. The entire concert is about two hours including the opening act which is more than enough time for Dean to get through many of his new songs including a few older hits that are played on the radio. He also plays his version of “Simple Man” as an acoustic set which the fans adore.

When the concert is over, you make your way backstage where Dean is celebrating with his brother, his band, and his manager for yet another successful show. Dean sees you enter the room and his eyes light up. He runs over to you, picks you up, and spins you around.

“I’m so proud of you, baby!”

He sets you down and kisses you quickly.

“Let’s go back to the trailer.”

“You have things to do after every show.”

“Not tonight.” He turns to Sam who only nods. He already knows what he is going to ask. “Thanks, Sammy!”

Dean whisks you back to his trailer which is empty. He has his own that he shares with Sammy while there is another one for the rest of the band. It’s a plan they all came up with since you’re usually with Dean and they really don’t want to hear you two on the road. You two stay in for the rest of the night as Dean shows you just how good it feels to be with someone who is good with his hands.

In the morning, you’re the first one up. The curtains next to his bed don’t cover the entire window so the sunlight on your eyes is what woke you up. You turn to face Dean who is still naked from last night’s activities. His cheeks are naturally rosy, his freckles dance across his face, it seems like his long lashes are touching the top of his cheekbones, and his mouth is slightly parted where soft snores come out. You could stay like this forever but you know you have to get back home.

You’re so much in your own head that you don’t see Dean open his eyes to show you his bright green irises. It’s still early so there is no one asking Dean to do things or needing him. It’s just you and Dean and that’s all you ever want. Dean raises his hand to push back the hair that has fallen in front of your eyes, and you grab his hand to run your finger over his calluses. He’s gotten a lot of them from playing guitar but you don’t mind. You like the roughness of his hands against your soft skin.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks in his morning voice.

“How much I love you. How much I wish we could stay like this.”

You lean up and kiss him, not caring that you both have morning breath.

“But?” he chuckles.

“You know me so well,” you smile. “But I can’t stay. I have to get home. Molly and Amber must be missing me so much.”

“Yeah, I know. I can’t keep you all to myself. I’ll be thinking of you, though.”

“Same here. Don’t forget, our anniversary is in a month.”

It’s marked for a day that is the same day as one of his shows in Japan but you have that weekend to do whatever you want together.

“I have it marked in my calendar. I won’t forget.”

Your small bubble of paradise has to end sometime, and when it does, you pack up your things to head back home to Austin, Texas. The flight is long but you’re kind of glad to be back home. Your big protective dogs, Amber and Molly, are happy to see you once you’ve picked them up from your best friend’s house. She is eager to hear stories from your travels so you stay at her house for a couple of hours.

“How was his concerts?” she grins and gives you some coffee.

“Really good. I’ve met so many fans and hung out with so many celebrities. It was insane! I even met Ryan Reynolds and his wife. They were so nice.”

“You bitch. Take me next time,” she jokes, and you both laugh.

“I wish I could be with him every day but I have girlfriend-household duties to take care of. For instance, these two,” you grin and pet both your dogs.

“Your anniversary is coming up, right? Any big plans?” Winona asks.

“I’m planning on flying out to Japan to surprise him the weekend after the date. He’s going to be in concert on the actual date. I’m taking him to a Japanese restaurant we’ve both been wanting to try. He doesn’t know I’m doing this.”

“That’s so exciting! Think he’s gonna do it this year?”

“I don’t know. I hope so. It’s been five years. I know he wants to do it but he might not since he’s in the middle of a tour.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. He might surprise you,” she winks.

The house is a bit lonely without Dean there but you make do for the three weeks. Amber and Molly are certainly glad to be back in their home with you, and you keep the house looking clean and better than ever. You’ll bring the dogs back to Winona when you leave for Japan next week even though you want to bring them with you.

You wake up on the day of your anniversary with a smile on your face. Today marks five years you’ve been with Dean and you’re so excited to spend another year with him. He is two hours ahead of you so when you wake up at eight, you’re shocked you don’t see a message from him. Every time you have a birthday, he’s always messaging you at midnight so he can be the first one to celebrate with you. He’s done the same thing for anniversaries but you don’t have a message this time. He probably spent last night partying with his bandmates so you’re not too concerned about it.

You get up, make breakfast, enjoy it in the sunroom, and do the dishes afterward. It’s a good day to spend outside in the garden or to relax by the pool so you change into your swimsuit and throw a light sundress over it. The day is spent in the sun and tending to the garden with beautiful vegetables growing. You might pick what you can make a hearty dinner later.

However, as the day goes on without a message or call from Dean, you grow worried. He didn’t forget, did he? You debate on calling him or not to see if he’s okay. No, if he forgot then that’s on him. The day turns to night, and you’re scrolling through TikTok for lives from his concert. He seems so happy on stage without a care in the world. Yeah, he forgot about you. Even well after the concert, he still doesn’t text or call you.

You go to bed with tears stains on your cheeks and a heavy heart.

You wake up the next morning and remember why you feel so shitty. Dean never called or texted. He forgot about you. You’re not upset that he forgot to tell you “Happy Anniversary”. It’s the fact that he could forget you. He’s out in different countries with his bandmates and brother, meeting girls in bars and fans on the floor while you’re back at home taking care of the dogs. You’re not with him while he’s out living this fabulous life. You’re pissed that there is a possibility he found someone better than you. You’re pissed at the possibility that he doesn’t love you anymore.

Your last relationship ended horribly and stuck with you even years into your relationship with Dean. He knows your fear of abandonment and he still didn’t call you.

You decide to head over to Winona’s house and hang with her instead of letting the silence sink into your skin. She is more than happy to have you over, and there is already a pot of coffee going when you arrive. She has a bottle of Baileys on the counter that she’ll add to make the coffees more spicy.

You sit at her kitchen island and put your phone on the tabletop. Just as you let go, Dean’s name pops on the screen. You quickly deny the call because you don’t want to hear his voice right now. Winona sees you deny the call and decides to add a bit of extra Bailey’s to your cup.

“Wanna talk about it?” she asks.

“He forgot our anniversary. He didn’t call or text me. I don’t even want to go to Japan anymore.”

“Are you sure that’s all that’s bothering you?”

“I don’t care that he forgot. I’ve forgotten some pretty important dates. I’m scared he’s gonna leave me for someone else. He’s out there partying with girls from all over the world.”

“Y/N, that man loves you. So he forgot. Big deal.”

She won’t get it. She doesn’t know the details of your three-year relationship with your ex-boyfriend.

Dean calls you again and this time, you turn your phone off without answering him. Winona is a good friend and she helps you through a lot, but this is something you have to deal with on your own. She won’t understand how you’re feeling because she’s never had her heart broken. She never stays with someone long enough to get her heart broken, and she’s the one who breaks it off. She has flings, which is completely fine, but it doesn’t warrant advice about something she doesn’t know.

You keep your phone off for the rest of the day until you’re about to go to bed. You turn it on to see there are fifty missed calls, over a hundred missed texts, and twenty voicemails. All from Dean. You don’t check the messages or the voicemails but instead, call Sam. He picks up on the first ring and explodes in a panic.

“What the fuck, Y/N! Why haven’t you been answering the phone?”

“Is that Y/N? Let me talk to her,” you hear Dean in the background.

“Don’t put him on. I don’t want to talk to him.”

“Listen, Dean is freaking the fuck out. He’s threatening not to do the show until you call him back.”

“Well, that’s not gonna happen. Look, something came up and I won’t be able to make it to Japan.”

“What the hell happened between you two? He has no clue what’s going on.”

That breaks your heart a bit. If he doesn't know then you’re not going to be the one to tell him.

“Nothing. Tell Dean he’s being a fucking idiot and to do the damm show.”

You hang up on Sam and turn your phone off again. You won’t want to hear from either of them, not for a couple of days at least. Dean can party with his friends and fuck all the women he wants to over there. The next couple of days are like this. You only have your phone on when you wake up and go to sleep because you know Dean will try non-stop to call you. You’d rather get cut off from the rest of the world than take Dean’s calls.

Those few days are spent with Winona since being in that big house by yourself isn’t ideal. Everything reminds you of Dean and the memories of being happy. She allowed you to sleep in her guestroom even though you two stayed in her bedroom like you were kids again having a sleepover.

Eventually, you had to get home so you begrudgingly walk up the front porch steps. You unlock the door and step inside. There on the floor are dozens of rose petals all leading to the back bedroom you share with Dean. On both sides of the petals is a line of fake candles to show the path you need to take.

You walk carefully to the bedroom to see a dozen more fake candles and much more rose petals. Standing in the middle of the room wearing his best suit is Dean. He turns to face you with a single rose in his hands.

“What are you doing here?” you gasp and step inside the bedroom. “You’re supposed to be in Japan. You’re supposed to be in concert right now.”

“I am so sorry for forgetting our anniversary.” You look at the ground as the feelings you have come rushing to the surface. “I love you so much. There is no excuse I can give you as to why I didn’t call you that night.”

Before you can say anything, Dean kneels to the ground on one knee. He reaches into his jacket pocket and takes out a small velvet box big enough to fit a ring. He opens his mouth to say something but you hold your hands out to stop him.

“Wait, Dean, are you proposing because you’re sorry or because you want to?” He doesn’t say anything to that which tells you it’s the former. You chuckle and kneel down in front of him so you’re the same height. “Baby, the reason why I was so upset wasn’t because you forgot. We all forget. I was scared you found someone else while you were off being a famous rockstar. I was here and you were there and I thought you forgot because you didn’t love me anymore. I was pissed at you for that.”

Dean sets the rose and ring down to grab your hands.

“Sweetheart, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I wouldn’t be me without you. No one can ever replace you.”

“Are you sure?” you whisper.

“I wouldn’t cancel a show for just anyone,” Dean laughs.

“You canceled a show for me? What about your fans?”

“My fans wouldn’t be my fans without you by my side. You’re the one who pushed me into playing. I owe everything to you.” You lean in and kiss him on his full lips, enjoying that you can do this after so long of being apart. He pulls away and rests his forehead on yours. “So, that’s a no on the proposal?”

“Ask me again tomorrow,” you whisper and kiss him again.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[eddiediazismyhusband]

i really don’t want this to seem ignorant- so sorry if it does. But FOX did make Lonestar, which has a queer canon couple, a trans guy and other incisive characters

i know Oliver said FOX didn’t allowed Buddie but also kind of wrote it in but also pretended they didn’t but also had a plan they never followed through on, but FOX aren’t evil are they? I mean I prefer 9-1-1 over Lonestar but I liked the show and all the different characters they had (even if they made some bizarre decisions)

i’m not saying FOX don’t suck- but why specifically does the fandom hate them so much. Is it cause queer baiting (over buddie)?

I can’t speak for myself, but personally a lot of my issues with FOX handling the buddie situation was less so with Fox, but more with Kristen Reidel for coming in and completely sweeping away the setup that Tim had made for buddie at the end of season 4.

Obviously we only know tidbits that have been said in interviews, and they’re never going to outright talk about what happened (at least not until buddie goes canon or the show ends) but from the few things we’ve heard, it sounds like the sniper plot was setup to be bothe Buck and Eddie’s “oh” moment, and Tim had planned to explore that in season 5 to work towards Buddie canon.

However when Tim switched over to LS from 9-1-1, and KR stepped in, she and FOX both nixed everything that Tim had initially planned, and took the show in a different direction— this is why a lot of fans dislike season 5 and 6 (not because of buddie not going canon, but because it almost felt like a different show at times— and we all know the debacle that was the rushed plot wrap-ups at the end of s6 that granted weren’t entirely KR’s fault, but could have been handled better than they were)

So tldr, i think a lot of fans are more annoyed at the combination of FOX and KR both deciding not to go down the bi!buck route in s5 and eventually leading to buddie canon. at least that’s where my frustration lies, but everyone has different reasons. I think other people are aggravated by the fact that LS did make Tarlos canon but so vehemently disagreed with Buddie/Bi!Buck…. (that is not to say I don’t love Tarlos i absolutely do, but it is a little annoying that they would give us one queer ship while denying another)

(and to answer your question about FOX being evil- this might be my socialist brain talking but they are a major media corporation which to me automatically makes them icky bc their main concern is making money which means they really don’t gaf about representation unless it makes them money— but this also goes for ABC and any other network but i digress)

I hope this clears things up/answers your question? I don’t think there’s a really clear-cut across the board answer, but this fits with a lot of what i’ve seen/discussed w other fans.

Thanks for the ask, anon 💕💕💕

[rae-enstars-translations]

Koikoi Love Cafe | 01/⁰⁶

| next >

Early February. Hallway near Café Cinnamon

NIKI

Hmm-hmm-hmm~ Hmm-hmm-hmm~♪ As You Like It~♪

Ahh, I ended up working overtime again today. But that doesn't even matter to me right now!

After all, I've been coming up with the special menu for Valentine's week… It’s the kind of job that gets my skills tingling, and I lose track of time!

That said, I've been working way too much lately, so I'd like to take it easy once I get home...♪

Hmm? What's this... individually wrapped candy?

And not just one, there are many of them.

...Why are there candies scattered in the hallway? Weird things happen often around ES, but someone seems to have put a lot of effort into this...?

(Oh, could this be a prank?)

No doubt about it! The candies are scattered so blatantly... It's too obvious~♪

(This is different from when I was tricked during Sweetling Seekers. It'd be polite of me to pretend to fall for something like this!)

Haha! I'm finally getting used to my work as an idol.

Well then, without further ado...♪

-

Scene change: staircase

-

NIKI (speaking loudly)

Huh~? That's strange~

I don't know why there's so much candy lying around, but today sure is my lucky day!

(By making an obvious setup, it's likely that the prankster will reveal themselves!)

(...Alright, they should be coming soon! If I do it now, I can at least give them a reaction -)

TORI

Gotcha!

NIKI

Wooaah...!

I...I, uhm, didn’t expect you to come from behind, Himemiya-kun! What a surprise!

TORI

...What's with that calm reaction? You could’ve been like... "Whoa!" or "Yikes!", or-

Oh, you were expecting a prank and were ready for it, weren't you? You're so obvious!

NIKI

Mmm... was I no good? I thought I was pretty spot-on with acting surprised...

TORI

It doesn't matter. Not like I'm trying to teach you a lesson on...'the harshness of showbiz', or something.

Anyway, I have a favor to ask, so - will you give it a listen?

NIKI

...Ahah. Since you’ve got me in a solid grip, I don’t think you’ll let go even if I say "no".

So. What's the favor?

Since you called me in particular, is it something related to cooking...?

TORI

Naturally!

You know what's coming up, don't you? That's right - Valentine's Day!

Therefore, I’m granting you the honors of making my Valentine’s candy!

NIKI (flabbergasted)

What... Honors...? I don’t really need such a right - do I even need permission?

TORI (frowning)

But it is an honor! Be a little more excited!

NIKI

Mmmn.. But I’m wondering, still, do you really need to 'grant' such a right?

If you want to eat delicious chocolate, Himemiya-kun, you have plenty of options, right?

You’re rich, so you can get any exquisite confectionary without worrying about budget or availability.

Plus, there are many chefs better than me, so there’s no need to go out of your way to ambush me for something like that.

TORI (shaking head)

No, only Shiina-senpai can do this.

It's true that the Himemiya family’s wealth allows me to buy all the sweets I want - but that’s not the point.

Do you know that the price of chocolate has been rising lately?

NIKI

Oh yeah, I heard it’s been skyrocketing. Something about trouble in the main exporting countries... I heard it from the store manager where I work part-time.

TORI

Yes. Because of that, Fine decided to postpone Chocolat Fes to springtime.

Given the situation, I thought it would be disrespectful to give chocolate to Eichi-sama.

TORI's voice raises

So, please! Lend me your wisdom!

TORI's voice calms

If it’s Shiina-senpai - the one who comes up with various seasonal menus at Café Cinnamon - then you must be full of ideas, right?

NIKI (smiles)

Ah, I see. You want to prepare sweets that don’t use chocolate.

Understood. If it’s okay with me, I’ll help as much as you need!

At Cinnamon, I always think about recipes while considering ingredient costs and budgets. But, since this is a direct request from Himemiya-kun, I suppose there’s more flexibility in the budget, right?

TORI (smiles)

Of course! I’ll provide as much money as you need, so make the ideal sweets!

NIKI

That’s generous~✰ Alright then, let’s head back to the dorms and start planning!

There’s this ingredient I wanted to use, so I’ll explain that to you...♪

[dogtoling]

Deep Sea Dead Zone - Album Release Interview

Deep Sea Dead Zone is a four-cephalopod band from Inkopolis, founded in 2017. After almost 6 years of radio silence following their debut album’s (Cut the Carp) release in 2017, the time has finally come for a new album release. Same Joke Twice released on November 2nd 2023 - and we’ve got the guys (and gals) in the studio to give their thoughts on the happenings!

(Actual interview under the cut!)

Q: It’s finally the day! Same Joke Twice has finally been released following a pretty long silent period for the band. How are you feeling right now?

Engel (vocals): I’m really excited! It’s been a LONG time coming getting new music out and I know a lot of people have been waiting like, forever. I’m super excited for people to hear the new songs and hear what people think. 

Boy (drums): It’s been six years since our last album and people have been going insane for a while now asking for new stuff. It’s nice to finally be able to have something for those people. 

Q: It’s been a while indeed - and people have been hungry for more. You guys have a lot of fans; does that come with pressure?

Engel: Well obviously. I’ve had people come up to me in the store going “new album when?” since year one. That was to the point that we made a song for the new album called “New Album When?” just to honor how much that happened.

Peppermint (bass): I don’t feel much pressure myself, I usually focus on other stuff in my daily life. But just in general yeah, especially coming outta the dark after several years is a little scary. 

Engel: It’s a LOT scary. People have mostly been bugging me, and it was awful at times because I wanted to make new stuff as much as they wanted to HEAR new stuff if not more but there was just no way. You can’t really feel like you’re not letting people down in a setup like that!

Peppermint: Even if it’s not really in your control. But we’re out of the waves and the new stuff is finally here, so I hope people will give it a try.

Q: Your first album, Cut the Carp, got really big and some of the songs even became popular Turf War hits. Do you have similar ambitions for Same Joke Twice?

Boy: Honestly the first album blowing up was super random and we were all just baffled that it happened in the first place. 

Engel: There’s not really anything special about Same Joke Twice. Not to say it’s not good or we don’t like it or anything but just like Cut the Carp, we made the songs because we wanted to make music, not because we wanted to blow up the Turf scene or whatever.

Boy: Well, in terms of ambition, there just might be a tour coming next year. But you didn’t hear that from me.

Engel: Like, it’s a bit scary knowing that people are scrutinizing the new music, sometimes people like the old stuff better and end up not liking the new songs at all, and I hate the idea that there could be people out there who have waited THIS LONG for new music just to be disappointed by the new stuff. 

Peppermint: I think most people who liked our previous songs are going to like these too, even though they’re a bit different.

Engel: Yeah, I try to focus less on the ‘oh no what if people hate it’ and more on the ‘what if people love it and it’s all they’ve ever wanted and so on’. And for every person who listens to the album and thinks it’s whatever, there’s probably someone else discovering our stuff for the first time and liking it, and that’s more than enough honestly

Q: I think we should address the cetacean in the room… well, the mastigoteuthid in the room. You have a new guitarist!

Boy: We do have a new guitarist. We picked up Lash from the street.

Lash (guitar): Yeah, hi. 

Engel: Yeah, Lash is our new guitarist and they’re awesome! They joined the band this year and have been such a good addition.

Boy: We desperately needed a weirdgirl who does nothing except stare menacingly and they’re really good at that. 

Engel: We desperately needed a GUITARIST and they’re really good at that too. 

Q: There’s been some talk about it over the years, but is it right that you didn’t have a guitarist for a while there?

Engel: Uhh, yup. I want to say that’s the main reason we couldn’t make new music or perform. Our old guitarist, Dodo, walked out not that long after the release of our first album, so we just…

Peppermint: It was a rough time for everyone since we couldn’t really do anything. We didn’t want to pick up a random guitarist to fill in for him just for the sake of having someone there so we can keep making music. The band is more personal than that. 

Boy: It looks really funny from the outside, because Lash is actually Dodo’s sister. So it looks like we kicked Dodo out and replaced him with Lash. 

Lash: Honestly I’ll take it. 

Q: So the new guitarist is the old guitarist’s sister? How did that work out?

Engel: Okay so, unsurprisingly I spend an unhealthy amount of time on InkTok. It was around Fresh Season this year that I saw her post a guitar cover of one of our old songs, Fish Outta Water, and I thought damn, she’s pretty good. So…

Boy: We all technically knew Lash before but were never anything more than acquaintances, so once we actually invited them and got to know each other better in the studio we just clicked.

Engel: I was sold as soon as she showed me her slug. If you look at the back of the CD case, we actually took our slugs to the studio and put their picture back there!

Lash: Its name is Shadow, if anyone cares. 

Peppermint: I was coaching Lash before for Turf Wars, so we knew each other a little better beforehand. It was actually around the release of our first album.

Lash: I was in a team with two of Peppy’s younger siblings, so now that I’m here, I’m getting hit with the hardest eldest sister behaviors known to squidkind. It’s like she thinks I’m 5.

Peppermint: I… yeah. 

Q: On the topic of Turf Wars, do any of you still play?

Engel: Be honest right now, do I look like I play. 

Lash: I play a lot. I’m the solo Squiffer your mom warned you about. 

Peppermint: Most of us used to be in a team together back in the day, before we started the band. We don’t play in a team anymore, but I play with my GF sometimes. I like Splat Roller.

Lash: Have you learned about the vertical flick yet?

Peppermint: I’m trying! Back in my day the rollers weren’t all shiny and fancy like they are now. We rolled and we hit people in the face and we moved on and that was it.

Boy: I was a Gal loyalist back in the day and I’m still a Gal loyalist. The .52 feels great as usual and the new Killer Wail is fun. 

Engel: I used to main the Carbon Roller back when Inkzookas were still hot stuff. I actually bought a Splat Brella recently. Because it’s cute! That’s a really fun idea for a weapon.

Boy: You know, if you came to play with us that would make four people and we could form a full team.

Engel: Way to put me on the spot, dude. I don’t think so. 

Q: Back to the album. How would you describe this album and the songs? Does it have its own identity?

Engel: How would I describe it… well, it’s the NEW Deep Sea Dead Zone. It’s familiar, but with a distinct sound that separates it from what you may be used to. So really it’s a bit eerie.

Peppermint: Dude, that’s cryptic. 

Engel: It’s like visiting your childhood town just to see that the post office is gone, things have changed and there’s a Squidonald’s now. It’s like seeing an old friend after a long time and not recognizing parts of them. A familiar unfamiliarity, if you will. Or the other way around.

Peppermint: …sure!

Boy: The music is a little different but we kept more or less the same vibe… It’s a little less edgy than Cut the Carp was. But it’s Engel making the lyrics so obviously it’s still edgy, I’m not saying it’s not. 

Engel: Yeah, I made the lyrics for most of the songs again so you know it’s not going to be all nice and cute and pink and sugar sweet. 

Boy: That really made it sound more like it should be. 

Engel: With Cut the Carp I was using the lyrics mostly as an outlet, there was a big emphasis on stuff like feeling out of place, not belonging and whatnot. I actually go to therapy now so the songs are a little lighter on that kind of stuff…

Boy: I want to emphasize that he’s saying that, but the album is still insanely edgy.

Engel: YEAH WELL some things can’t be helped. My therapist said to me something along the lines of music can be a good way to sort your thoughts, but it can also be really harmful to like, repeat your bad thoughts infinitely like that and turn them into an identity thing. 

Peppermint: I get a little uncomfortable playing some of the really rough songs, so it was actually kind of a relief seeing some of the lyrics he’d written down and seeing that all of them weren’t outright depressing. 

Engel: Yeah, I tried to steer away from, how do you say, depression fuel. There’s still a lot in there but we tried to approach some of this stuff with a more humorous or satire tone this time. It gives the ability to detach yourself from it a little bit.

Boy: He kinda makes lyrics as an outlet to reflect his own thoughts, so he can’t make them too exciting or he will lose the vibe and not be able to sing or whatever.

Engel: Something like that. I like to put my hearts into it.

Q: The new album has some interestingly named songs… one of them being You Can’t Call The Song That. Is that an example of your more humorous tone going in?

Engel: Haha, that one is great. Well, kind of. The song doesn’t really have anything to do with the name-

Peppermint: Oh boy here we go.

Boy: We wanted to name the song something else, but Peppy over here didn’t let us, so that’s where the name came from. 

Peppermint: I’m just trying to get us from being banned from most radio channels or potentially sued. 

Engel: Even Peppy doesn’t know this, but actually the album’s name… we named the album Same Joke Twice because we had other ideas for the name that we weren’t allowed to use. And, well-

Peppermint: No. Wait, REALLY?

Engel: We didn’t want to name it “You Can’t Call The Album That” because we already used that joke, so we went for a trick shot.

Peppermint: You CANNOT be serious right now. 

Boy: Honestly we had a lot of disagreements about what the name should be and it was pretty last-minute. This one clicked and it was funny, so we just kept it. 

Engel: Some people thought the joke is that we stuck around to make more music and honestly, sure. Free interpretation. 

Q: Clearly a lot of secrets went into the name of the album. So, what about the cover? 

Engel: Ok! Unlike the last album’s cover, we actually got a photo studio to get a nice, fancy thing going on. We didn’t really know at first what we wanted to do with the cover but then figured, we have a new face in the band, we should do a group picture to make that clear. 

Boy: For the first album’s cover we just went out and posed on some shitty industrial porch, this time we went for the more abstract classic void look and focused on highlighting us.

Engel: I’ve already got people who were surprised I’m not actually 2,5 meters tall. Guys, I’m sorry… you got tricked by the good old photoshop. 

Peppermint: I’m just happy to not have to be “the tall one” for once.

Q: It’s pretty common for the frontman in a band to be at the, well, front. You guys didn’t do that there.

Engel: Yeah they banished me to the back. We were kinda drawing blanks on the composition for a while until we figured it would look fresh to have me looming in the back. And! With everyone else in front I think everyone’s getting the attention they deserve. A lot of times in bands the members other than the singer are kinda invisible, I feel like we hit a good balance here.

Boy: Well, there’s other reasons but sure, that’s a good explanation. 

Engel: That’s right. It is. I was in the front last time, but everyone else is a fantastic model too. Peeps already know what I look like. 

Q: That’s right, Engel, don’t you model on Inkstagram?

Engel: Uhh, yeah, I do. I used to do it more in the past but I’ve been sloooowly getting back out there… it’s mostly pics of my slug lately. 

Lash: I do a lot of fashion photoshoots there, though I’ve mostly been on InkTok lately.

Engel: Oh yeah, I’ve been helping Lash with her stuff here and there. We both really like fashion, so I’ve been giving them some pointers… 

Lash: Any time you see me wearing some cute loser swag like ribbons and lace that makes you think ‘wow, just like Engel DSDZ’, well, rest assured it was him. 

Boy: One way to put it. 

Engel: What’s loser about ribbons and lace???? Every day I get disrespected and attacked in my own band. 

Q: Engel, you are pretty well known for incorporating ribbons and lace into your outfits. Most inkfish guys tend to shy away from that style of clothing. When did you start dressing like you do and why?

Engel: Oh, I get that a lot… Honestly, I just think they’re really cute and really cool. I don’t really care about “girl and boy clothes”. It does lead into a lot of people thinking I’m a girl, but I don’t really mind. I’m more interested in dressing in a way that makes me feel good about myself than dressing how people expect me to.

Boy: Believe it or not, he used to dress in super normal stuff like t-shirts and Turf shorts back in the day. He thought Grape Tee was the epitome of freshness.

Peppermint: Boy, you wouldn't disrespect a grape, would you?

Engel: That was when I was super new to the surface. It took me a few years of, like, just being to figure out that I was allowed to do stuff with my appearance? So once I got through that first realization I kinda went all in. And since I started wearing frills, I never stopped wearing frills so far. 

Lash: Not my question, but in general, experimenting with what you can do with fashion is really fun. 

Engel: It is! It’s a big hobby for me. I got into making bracelets and little decorations when I was at the top of wanting to get new outfits and stuff going on, my house is full of beads. People tell me it’s bordering on a problem but those people are without joy. 

Peppermint: Those people don’t want to keep finding rhinestones and beads on the floor and under the couch six months after those last came out.

Q: Speaking of jewelry, that candy necklace. Are those beads, or is it real?

Engel: Nope, these are super real. I have a bunch of these at home. Candy is kinda half my brand, so I just started implementing it in my outfits at some point. I really like sour candy, actually, some people don’t. 

Peppermint: When we were roomies, I’d be on my way home from the city and he’d send me texts going “hey can you get me bracelets” like every day. I just started going to the candy store and getting him like, full bags. He goes THROUGH them. 

Engel: I actually fiddle with it if I get nervous and the sweetness helps a lot. So if you’ve got issues with stuff like crowds or noise or like, elevators, totally get one of these to see if that helps as a distraction. 

Q: We got a bit sidetracked, so back to the album. Or, albums, plural. This album cover actually has a lot of similarities to the first one; was this an intentional design aspect?

Engel: Well, yeah, in the end. We figured we might as well since we settled on doing a group photo again. Especially the baseball bat is kind of a dead giveaway… I thought it would be a fun throwback since I still had that lying around.

Boy: This guy hoards stuff like he’s Octarian. And the fact that the stuff usually ends up being useful is nuts. 

Engel: I’ve got emotional attachment to this thing, man. 

Peppermint: The pink splatters were Engel’s idea in the first album, but it was actually Boy’s idea bringing them back for this one. We were kinda stuck thinking about what to add to make it a bit more visually interesting.

Engel: Oh yeah, that ended up coming pretty naturally and it was like, duh OBVIOUSLY we’re gonna do that. Same joke twice and all that! Ink is always a really good addition in dark settings because of the glow and I think it turned out really good there.

Boy: I actually suggested it to back up the claims online that Engel’s ink is sweet. They’re right. 

Engel: This is probably the fastest anyone’s ever made a conversation go super weird.

Q: Let’s quickly talk about some of the songs on the new album. Any favorites?

Engel: Ooh. We put a lot of work this time in making the songs seriously stand out from each other, and also from the first album’s stuff, so some of them are pretty divisive…

Boy: A lot of them have some pretty rough and scrappy guitar going on thanks to Lash. There’s some guitar solos that really stand out to me. Try to Drown Me, Suckers has to be one of my favorites because it just goes hard. There’s some real spirit in that one. 

Engel: Haha, I really like that one. But - yeah I’m aware this is entirely my own fault - it is ROUGH to sing. It might have to be skipped from some live shows because uhhh… gonna be real I don’t think I can do that and like ten other songs. 

Lash: I like it. But my favorite is probably Famous Fuckup. I love how quick you guys gave up on being radio safe.

Peppermint: I TRIED. 

Engel: It’s a pretty personal song… well, as opposed to every other song that are ALSO pretty personal songs. Yadda yadda. I just wanted to keep it, like, uncensored. 

Lash: I think it’s funny that Peppy managed to keep “Don’t Like The Song? Kill Yourself” from being used, but not censor the word “fuck”. 

Peppermint: I had to prioritize the one that could get us sued…

Engel: Anyway, I really like Might As Well Be Caught, actually. It’s very tongue-in-cheek kind of stuff. The lyrics are kinda out there and it’s unusual for us, but it’s- well, it’s real! It’s a love letter to the paparazzi and a culmination of my endless annoyance with being on the freaking news every time I step out of my apartment to do ANYTHING. 

Lash: I like any song that’s obviously antagonistic.

Peppermint: I like all the songs a pretty good amount… honestly I’m usually more focused on getting my parts right than like, the song happening. 

Engel: She’s too humble to say she’s biased and likes her own song the best. It’s okay, Peppy. The song slaps. 

Peppermint: THAT’S NOT… Well YEAH, there is one song that I had mostly free reign over. It was pretty fun… 

Engel: No More Misery. She’s the one singing it, too - she made one of the songs for the first album, but even on that album I was the one who ended up singing it. So this is kind of a big deal.

Peppermint: I don’t think we need to bring up Hooked To Hurt in this… ah, shit.

Boy: I vibe with No More Misery being put right before Famous Fuckup. Good job, guys, that positive energy lasted for four minutes and now we’re back to self-loathing.

Q: The first album had ten songs, plus one that was a later release. This one has TWELVE songs right from the get-go!

Engel: It sure does. Honestly, if the guys let me keep going there could’ve been twenty, still counting. I had SOOOO many ideas, all those years we weren’t able to do shit, I was still writing. 

Boy: We started the actual album production somewhere in late Fresh Season, and most of the songs were recorded mid Sizzle Season. So like we were hauling ass grilling in the studio heat and trying to narrow down Engel’s ideas into something that actually works as a song.

Lash: I think all of them work as songs if you’re not a coward. 

Engel: Some of my raw lyrics are basically journal entries or venting on paper so once we started refining them, it would sometimes take, like, a LONG time to get something coherent. For example I’m pretty sure we gave up on False Eyes like five times until-

Peppermint: Oh of course, False Eyes. This guy started spam texting the group chat at 3:30AM on a weekday going “I KNOW HOW TO DO THE CHORUS!!!!!1”

Engel: If my therapist is reading this……. I know we talked about the ‘bedtime issue’. I would like to formally apologize, I promise I’m trying, but. You see…. 

Boy: He is enthralled by the magic of creation. 

Engel: Pretty much. Uh, long story short, summarize, we just collectively had a lot of ideas,

Peppermint: Mostly you, dude.

Engel: I just had a lot of ideas. I don’t want to promise too much here but, well, the next album is probably NOT going to take six years from now. 

Lash: I can leave if you guys need a break. 

Peppermint: Please don’t.

Q: Before we get into reader questions… I’d like to hear your final thoughts on the album release. And additionally, any gossip about live shows?

Engel: Ahhh… I’d like for everyone to give the album even a quick listen-through. I think old fans are gonna like what we have here, and for new fans or people who haven’t listened yet… if you like Inkin Park, you’ll like us at least a little. It’s super duper exciting to finally be able to put out new music and I’ve been all spiky for a week just thinking about finally getting to show it to people!

Boy: Listen on SeaTube. Use adblock. We don’t really care.  We care about people getting to hear the songs first and foremost, we don’t get paid shit anyway.

Lash: I would like some money. 

Engel: This has been such a long-overdue passion project I might just go home and cry to be real with you guys. As for the live shows, uh, it’s still kinda on the table…? Some of us have like, jobs, so we don’t have all the time and energy in the world to do stuff like that.

Peppermint: Chill Season’s also coming up, and we mostly just do outdoor shows, so it doesn’t super add up. For the time being I think we can promise there will be some gig action next year, though… 

Boy: We’re going to sit for a while and see if people vibe with the music, see who reaches out. I’m hitting the festivals next summer as I always do, I’m just saying, it would be nice to do so as a performer.

Engel: Aside from just music-related stuff, expect to see more stuff like this in the near future from us! And follow my InkTok if you like slugs. Mine’s named Meat, it’s a fairy butterfly slug!

Peppermint: For those wondering, its name is Meat because he couldn’t stop being bothered by the cerata being flesh while naming it. 

Engel: What she said!

Q: That concludes our part of the interview. However, we have some audience questions left, if you’re inclined to answer?

Engel: Well obviously they’re the scariest part, but I can’t help but be nosy.

Boy: I’m just going assume they’ll be uncensored and go in with that expectation. 

Q: Audience question incoming, number one… Engel, is your Skitter account and your activities on there representative of what goes behind your lyrics?

Engel: Ummm… well. Yeah. Yes and no. 

Boy: Can I answer? Yes it is. 

Engel: The stuff I do on Skitter kinda ranges between sharing stuff I think is funny, or trying to be funny, or having a mental breakdown live on the net. So, idk. In terms of the latter, first of all I’m SORRY, I’m working on it. But also that’s… yeah.

Lash: Some of the posts you guys see on there are just the front for the most unhinged shit he’s ever written that would score him in the psych ward if the right person saw it.

Peppermint: Maybe not something you want to say in an interview…

Engel: Basically yeah. I mean, I’m a funny guy on Skitter but trust me when you see the kind of pathetic “i forgot to eat dinner for 4 days” funny relatable posts on here, it’s - like it happens. To the best of us. Mostly me though.

Peppermint: No actually, he’s very honest there. I’ve told him many times to maybe dial it back online, not everyone needs to know that- 

Engel: I would like to add that people following me there should be careful and avoid being influenced by the stuff I sometimes post… Most of it is meant to be satire!! Please don’t actually jump off of Hammerhead Bridge. 

Boy: It’s been like two years since he posted that and he’s still having to clarify that it was a joke. 

Q: Moving onto the next question; Why couldn’t you get the old guitarist back? His playing was so much better.

Boy: Huh, that’s brutal.

Lash: Whoever sent that, meet me at the Reef tonight at 10pm sharp. Pick your best weapon.

Engel: Okay, well, that’s kind of mean… I don’t think it was better personally, they just have different types of playing. It comes down to personal preference I guess, I would say hey, maybe stop expecting the same kind of art from two different squids! You can appreciate something different in both playstyles and maybe you’ll find out the new one isn’t bad, just different, no?

Peppermint: We would not take Dodo back into the band even if he came in crawling on all fours and begged to be let back in. If he’s smart, he’ll stay in whatever hole he's dug himself.

Engel: Okay and uhhhh yeah we can’t get the old guitarist back. Not going to get into it, but - yeah he’s gone.

Boy: Hey Lash, are you actually going to go?

Q: Next question! It’s a bit unclear whether this is more broad, or if it’s focused… What the Fuck do these lyrics mean.

Engel: I feel like this has been answered a few times in the interview already, but I’m a huge fan of the raw emotion here, so.

Boy: Engel makes most of the lyrics for basically every song ever, the rest of us pitch in to turn it into an actual song. But he’s the mastermind for sure. Any complaints should be addressed to him.

Engel: I started writing lyrics back when I first got on the surface and got really into writing poems and just generally writing, well, stuff. It started as a kind of way to just get my thoughts out there and out of my head where they were mostly Bad. It’s always helped me to write that into songs, so especially in older songs, the lyrics are mostly just me processing my feelings, fears, things going on in my life. For the most part they’re very personal to me. 

Boy: We talked about it a little before but a lot of the lyrics in this album specifically are a bit different, in terms of how much “post-production” went into them, and then there’s some like Might As Well Be Caught that are just kind of unusual. 

Engel: When you hear the “this is the corner where I go to cry”, imagine I’m actually showing you my house. That being said though the new songs aren’t all random scribble, the guys just took my usual whining and we worked on making it less whiny and more like, subtext? If that makes sense.

Peppermint: There’s also songs on this album that were collabs, like Existence is a Cruel Mistress. Or in the case of No More Misery, that one was mostly written by me. So… I mean I guess for a broad answer, we just put our hearts into it and see what happens. 

Engel: Peppy’s always the one writing the sappy songs, we love her and her will to live. 

Peppermint: It’s not sappy! I was just being honest!

Boy: Never change, cap’n.

Q: A question about the new album. Same Joke Twice! What inspired you to make it?

Engel: The album or the album’s name? We already talked about the name before. 

Boy: The album itself was just long overdue. We couldn’t work as a band for like five years, so as soon as we got a band back together we kinda went off and just got it done.

Engel: I’ve got enough ink for like two more back-to-back albums to be honest but I gotta give the others a little while to breathe.

Boy: But yeah, as for the album’s name, no the joke isn’t that we made another album. It’s just an inside joke, because Peppy hates fun.

Peppermint: I literally hate you guys. 

Lash: I still think it’s a skill issue. 

Q: There’s a question about the making of the pink “blood” on the cover of the album. Does it symbolize something?

Engel: I mean, blood I guess. It’s also just a throwback to the first album’s cover where it also symbolized something like blood, violence, chaos et cetera.

Lash: He is so edgy. 

Engel: Using actual fake blood was an idea we had, but blood color is kinda subjective based on your species, so it might not always register. We just went for a color that stands out and isn’t a common blood color so it… I guess, equally registers as blood for no one, and everyone at the same time. I don’t know if I’m making any sense right now!

Boy: He’s saying it’s there for the edge factor, nothing more and nothing less really.

Q: Presumably about the album cover. Engel, were you always that big?

Engel: Hahaha noooooo. Have you heard of deep-sea gigantism?

Peppermint: It’s photoshop. 

Boy: Did they specify it was about the album cover?

Engel: They should be asking if Peppy was always that small. The answer is no, they made Boy and Lash stand on chairs to make her look shorter.

Peppermint: Why’d you drag me into it????!

Lash: They got Engel’s photo separately and upscaled him into the backdrop. There’s no magic growth spurt or deep-sea gigantism going on here. 

Engel: Yeah uh no. Also this is a common misconception, a lot of deep-sea folk are actually not giant. There’s similarly sized shallow-water species too, but the Deepsea tends to get a lot of talk about… okay well, besides the point. 

Q: That concludes our extra questions and our interview. Thanks to Deep Sea Dead Zone for showing up - the new album, Same Joke Twice, is out now. Any parting words with our readers?

Engel: Thanks for having us and thanks for listening! New album now. Never ask me for anything ever again.

Boy: He’s kidding. But I’d just like to say a humble thank you for the people listening to our stuff - and an extra thank you to people already requesting our songs on the radio. We love what we do, so it’s a bonus if you guys love it too.

Engel: Yeah just in case I wasn’t clear, that was a joke. The new album wasn’t a joke tho. Thanks for sticking around through the years, I love all you guys to death. 

Peppermint: Lash made this album possible, I just wanna put that out there. I better see hype for her and hype ONLY in the future and in the comments!

Lash: Don’t be shy with the hate comments, either. Most of my previous haters can’t make it to the 1v1s anymore so I could use some more.

Engel: You can listen to the album RIGHT NOW on SeaTube and a bunch of other places, I’m super excited to hear what people think about it, pleasepleaseplease leave your thoughts in the comments. Stay sweet everyone!!

[andrewwtca]

a Soriku Endgame, Actually essay on Light and Darkness

Also available to read on Archive of our Own.

Kingdom Hearts, with Sora and Riku in particular, has been on my mind as of late. It’s always been on my mind, to be honest, ever since I first got into the series. It’s grabbed my hand and hasn’t let go, especially with all the new lore. And yet, I’ve been struggling to make peace with myself. 

On one hand, I don't want to get my hopes up, thinking that Sora and Riku would ever become something 'more' or that what I’m seeing is anything other than in-depth speculation. I've had my heart broken before and this series means too much to me for me to foolishly dive in like this. 

On the other hand, I can't ignore what the story is telling me, as a literary analysis enthusiast and as a diehard fan. There have been parallels established, setups finally going through, and Nomura has said before that “this series is not intended to be child-focused, and so the complexity of the story is purposely made prominent.” I can’t keep turning a blind eye, knowing everything I know, thinking everything I think. If I did, I feel like I would be doing a disservice to both my experiences with the series and my experiences as a person. 

So yeah—Soriku Endgame, Actually. Today, I’m arguing its canonicality because of the balance of Light and Darkness (or lack thereof) throughout the series. Please enjoy my messy and impassioned essay!

a sky of falling stars

The Children of Destiny is a new concept introduced to us in the finale of Dark Road. To summarize, they are people with the ability to feel what others feel, connect, and become one with them—empaths with Light. 

It appears that the Children of Destiny are all descendants of Ephemer, characterized by silvery hair. There's Ephemer, there's Baldr, there's Xehanort—and, oh yeah, there's Riku. 

Upon the release of the finale, a lot of people—myself included—quickly jumped to the conclusion that Sora is a Child of Destiny, which isn't all that wrong. If we're going by what the games have given us, Sora is very special. What other character has housed five different hearts inside his own? What other character had an entire arc in Birth by Sleep talking about how he felt the pain in someone else’s heart?

But Nomura has insisted since the beginning that Sora is an ordinary boy, that he wasn't born with anything special, explaining that he “had the premise that a heart like Sora’s exists within all the players. Sora is ‘ordinary’, therefore everyone is ‘ordinary.” (Before anyone argues Nomura is just going through a retcon, I doubt he would go through with one to this extent, given how he has had the ending to the Dark Seeker Saga in mind for years.)

Riku, on the other hand, has not been given this kind of treatment at all. He's always been painted as a golden child, better than Sora at everything, being the original bearer of the Keyblade. For crying out loud, he had a light in Birth By Sleep that was seen from space, not Sora. If you factor in bloodlines, it wouldn't be too far off to theorize that Riku is a descendent of Ephemer's line. Riku isn't who most look at first, but all signs lead to him being a Child of Destiny. 

But that doesn't explain Sora at all. He may not have been born special like Riku, but he's special somehow. After all, Nomura did finish his ‘Sora isn't special’ line with, “I figure even if you’re ‘ordinary’, for something important, everyone can exhibit a special power just like Sora.” Aqua even calls out that Sora is the one who can set things right, the boy who can touch others’ hearts. 

And that is where the necklace theory comes in.

Sora has always been associated with royalty, sitting on a throne in box art or having crowns plastered around him—or on him. From his debut, Sora has had a crown necklace that has never been explained. Despite wearing it in every outfit, it's never been addressed how it came to be.

It’s after Aqua and Terra came, judging by the BBS cutscenes of him and Riku. But it’s before KH1, as that's when his journey began. That’s a huge timeframe, from being a kid to deciding to leave the islands, but it's easy to pinpoint a time when considering something the games still never fully fleshed out: the meteor shower. 

In Chain of Memories, Sora and Riku fight over this memory they supposedly both had of Namine one night during a meteor shower. One of them promised they would keep her safe, and it's all cute until we remember that Namine wasn't actually in these memories. And Namine can't make any new memories���she can only rearrange old ones. 

Sora and Riku both share this memory. And the way they fought over this memory gave it the utmost importance. It becomes obvious at this point that the both of them witnessed a meteor shower, and given what we know about their dynamic (and that's a lot), it would make sense to assume it was Riku promising Sora to keep him safe—almost like a charm.

The necklace theory has been around for years, but it’s only after the Dark Road finale that it was expanded upon (or perhaps it’s just me and maybe three others who think this, but I don’t mind one bit.) It isn't just Riku promising to keep Sora safe. In giving Sora a necklace, a crown, Riku has metaphorically crowned Sora. He has brought Sora up to his status as a Child of Destiny, putting all his love into a charm that he hopes can keep Sora safe. 

There’s a flaw in my logic though, trust me, I know. I just said that this meteor shower didn’t happen until after BBS, and yet it’s during the game that Sora feels the pain of others, it’s during the game that Aqua says that Sora is going to be the one to set things right. But I still stand firm in my belief. Riku has always been painted as the golden child, the Child of Destiny, but his love for Sora runs deeper than his love for anything else. 

Riku’s light is the one that brought Terra and Aqua to Destiny Island but Riku’s light shines for Sora; sort of like step one to Sora’s crowning. Riku’s light rubbed off on Sora, ever since they were kids—after all, a Child of Destiny’s power is to connect hearts. Why not connect his own with another? Why not share his light?

Further, in BBS, Sora can feel Ven’s pain and take care of his heart, but he isn’t fully aware of this nor is he able to really do anything about this. It isn’t until KH1 that Sora ever exhibits a power of truly connecting to another’s heart when Sora entered the darkness swallowing Riku and touched Riku’s heart’s light to obtain his Keyblade, explained by Nomura himself. And it isn’t until KH3 that Sora finds the power to wake up Ven’s heart.

Regardless of whether or not I’m right about this, it means Nomura isn't technically wrong about Sora being normal. Sora, no matter what, doesn’t have some divine birthright, but he still has the makings of someone who can bring peace to the world—all thanks to Riku.

This helps set the tone of their relationship, of the depth of Sora and Riku’s bond. It also moves the storyline forward to how they will be the ones to instigate change—but I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s first talk about who once were and who they could’ve been.

in another life

Kingdom Hearts is pretty on the nose on parallels between Xehanort/Eraqus and Riku/Sora. Besides personality, Xehanort and Riku are both Childs of Destiny who give in to the darkness and Eraqus and Sora are endless sources of light. But the parallels don't exist to make us empathize with Xehanort/Eraqus: they're to tell us a cautionary tale of what our protagonists could've been. 

So it begs the question, what actually separated Sora and Riku from becoming like Eraqus and Xehanort? Let’s start with Riku.

To recap, Xehanort was a student in Scala ad Caelum alongside Eraqus, who watched all his classmates die. He learned from Baldr about their roles as Children of Destiny and in his grief, became obsessed with wiping the world clean. He wanted a Keyblade War to create a fresh start, void of Light and Darkness, so that the world could try again. 

Riku seemed to have been walking the same road as Xehanort. He stopped fearing Darkness and started dancing on the line between it and Light. Riku was angry at the world and angry at his friends, and perhaps in another life, he may too have wanted to wipe the world clean. 

But every time I compare him and Xehanort, I can't help but think that a cautionary tale isn't what Xehanort/Eraqus is. Because I can't help but think that it just could never have happened to Riku, and it's for two main reasons: 

1) Hope.

Riku has hope in the world. When we look at all the other Children of Light, they all had a Darkness that took them down (although in Ephemer's case, it was a literal Darkness that killed him). Baldr lost himself in grief. Xehanort lost himself in rage. But not Riku. 

When Xehanort saw that the world couldn't be fixed (to how he believed it should be), Riku did not even see a world that needed fixing. Riku saw the world in all of its complicated glory. For instance, Riku is one of the first characters to acknowledge the feelings of Nobodies; their pain, and their love. He doesn't see them as an extension of Darkness or Light. They simply are. 

Riku believes in redemption. It's been his entire character arc, after all, to redeem himself and walk the Road to Dawn, a term coined way back in CoM. Ever since then, Riku has been closely associated with the sunrise—night turning into day. Darkness becomes Light. Redemption. This symbolism is shown in box art, said in interviews, even his Keyblade is called the Way to Dawn. 

The fact that Riku was even able to think of the Road to Dawn proves that he's nothing like Xehanort. Xehanort believes that there is no redemption because the world needs to be wiped clean. But Riku believes that there is a road he can walk, a road he can take to salvation because the world is not good or bad, but made for people to live and learn. But how? How was he able to walk that road? He has hope, but how was he able to use it? And that's the second reason. 

2) Sora. Riku has Sora. 

It may feel a bit obvious to say, but it's true: the fact that Riku is Riku; Sora is Sora; and their relationship is the way it is, is the key to why they would never have fallen to the same fate. We don't know the full extent of Xehanort and Eraqus's relationship, but it's safe to assume it wasn't as kind or loving as Riku and Sora's ever were. The two would play as kids, promise to keep each other safe, tell secrets—the two became princes of destiny together, destined to fight their way home.

I can't see Xehanort and Eraqus as anything more than students in a fucked up situation. Because when things got bad for Xehanort, he didn't think of Eraqus as his guiding light. He only thought of what he lost. There’s even a line in Dark Road of Xehanort hearing Eraqus crying in the other room, yet he never comforts him, never approaches him. They suffered alone, too afraid or perhaps too blind to reach for one another.

When things got bad for Riku, he saw Sora. He saw how Sora loved Kairi and sacrificed himself for her, and he saw that Sora was forgiving towards him. The reason why Riku and Sora didn't end up like Xehanort and Eraqus is that they simply aren't them. Their bond is deeper and their love is stronger, and Riku’s hope is simply stronger than Xehanort’s ever was.

It’s important to emphasize that this truly is a feat that only Riku (and Sora, one day) could’ve accomplished. It's natural to us that Riku, one of the series' protagonists, was able to do this. It's easy to shrug off the balance he managed to strike between his Light and Darkness, but for so many actually in the series, it's an incomprehensible thought. Mickey even stated in CoM, that Riku introduced Light and Darkness in a way nobody has ever seen before. To understand how this affects Sora and Riku’s relationship, it’s important to understand the way things currently are.

the light we pass down

Light and Darkness are the very core of this series. Light represents the connections you make with others, while Darkness represents the lack thereof—those with Darkness in their hearts are those who walk alone, while those with Light are those with many friends around them. Darkness is selfishness, and Light is selflessness. 

Darkness is usually framed as an inherently evil source in many stories, but it's something that cannot be extinguished. Light needs to be there to balance it. 

But Kingdom Hearts seems to be going down the path less taken—yes, Darkness isn't 'good', and it isn't desirable to isolate yourself from the rest of the world. But the series is asking the question many like to ignore: when does Light become Darkness? 

In nearly every game, you can trace one character fed into the illusion that Light is good, everything else is bad, and the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. MoM to his pupils in Union X; Odin to Baldr in Dark Road; Eraqus to his children in BBS; Yen Sid to Mickey in forbidding him to speak of Aqua; Donald and Goofy to Sora in telling him that their ship runs on happy smiles. It is generational trauma. 

A cycle of hypocrisy has been forced on not only the 'defenders of Light' but 'agents of Darkness.' Xehanort doesn't care who he hurts as long as he can get his own idea of balance in the world, believing his judgment to be supreme to others—despite his initial thoughts in Dark Road, that unless someone's heart is pure Light, how can one know for sure what is right and wrong? To which Eraqus responded that they as Keyblade Wielders held the supreme judgment towards morality. 

Again and again, this cycle of defending what they believe is good and Light repeats, hurting themselves and hurting others, and even Sora is not free of this hypocrisy. While he doesn't go out of his way to hurt others the way Xehanort has, he is capable of hurting others: Riku was hurt by Sora in KH1 when he was silent when Kairi suggested leaving him behind or when he shrugged off Riku going missing in Traverse Town. In CoM, when the idea of him ‘abandoning’ people was presented, he acted out harshly and completely rejected the idea (this is all another parallel to Eraqus!)

He even denies the idea that Riku has hurt others. Despite Riku acting out of his own free will, the reason he feels the need to atone and walk the path to redemption, Sora believes that the Darkness was forced on Riku by others.

Sora has been carved into the same mindset as so many others, the idea heavily tackled in Dark Road, that Darkness is only brought upon by others, and that it needs to be expunged. Sora is a firm believer that the Darkness is something to be eradicated, such as with his encounter with Vanitas in KH3. When Vanitas states that he is simply Darkness, Ven is quick to understand and even accept. Sora, on the other hand, rejects this and insists that it isn’t okay. 

Even our series’ protagonist is unable to shake himself from this self-righteous, black-or-white thinking. Riku is the only character in the series who has formed an actual balance in himself, with all other characters having to pick one side. Lea, Xion, and Roxas leave the Darkness of Organization XIII and become Keyblade Wielders. Terra embraces his Light, Aqua leaves the Realm of Darkness, and Ven is literally separated into a being of Light and Darkness (although not out of his own volition).

The series is not framing any of these things as negative—there’s nothing wrong with embracing Light. However, these characters are falling into the same cycle that the generations before have; they will once again be faced with a Darkness too deep to defeat and ignore. It must be talked to, reckoned with, and faced with open arms. Riku has been the only one able to return the hug and walk away.

We’ve explored what makes Riku’s character arc so significant and what Sora’s flaws are, and it’s time to dive into the murky waters of the future.

when does the sun become the night?

Sora. Oh, Sora. I love you, Sora. Now let me tear you and your smile apart. 

The parallels between Xehanort and Riku are very on the nose and easy to distinguish; meanwhile, Eraqus and Sora are a bit more challenging. 

In BBS, Eraqus is the Master of Aqua, Terra, and Ventus. He forms a bond between them, as one would expect, mentoring and looking out for their well-being. The Light in his heart is strong due to his connections with them, alongside being a Keyblade wielder. Although not perfect (feeding into Terra's insecurities about his Darkness, cough), he does care for them. But when the world falls to Darkness, Eraqus doesn't hesitate to be selfless, to give up his connections, the Light in his heart, to kill them to save a greater good. As long as someone somewhere can benefit from his actions, he isn't harming.

But is that selfless? Is sacrificing for a 'greater good' truly selfless? Is there a line between the needs of the many and the needs of the few? Or is there a certain ‘darkness’ that comes with these acts? Disregarding yourself, disregarding others, selfless yet selfish; it's not the right thing to do, and the series doesn't hesitate to frame it as that. What Eraqus did was wrong. He hurt others, even if he refused to acknowledge it.

And yet, no one seems to make any noise toward Sora. 

Sora is a Guardian of Light. He is the cheerful protagonist who makes everyone smile and feel better. Ever since the first game, when Donald and Goofy (although not with ill intent) told him that the Gummi Ship runs on happy faces, he's been under the precedent that his emotions do not matter in the greater scheme of things. In the long run, what matters is that others are safe, the people he cares about. 

Once again, like how Xehanort and Riku deviated in terms of having hope, this is where Eraqus and Sora begin to deviate from their parallels. While both are selfless to the point of ‘darkness,’ they show it in dramatically different ways. Eraqus is willing to hurt the people he cares about (and by extension, himself) to serve this 'greater good', but Sora is only willing to actively hurt himself. 

I feel the need to remind everyone that this is a teenager we're talking about. If we weren't in a franchise partially owned by Disney, I feel like more people would be willing to call this what it is: suicidal. This is not Light.

We've already seen ways that this harms Sora outside the narrative and the whole getting sent to Quadratum thing in his Rage form. Sora transforms into a drive form that’s oddly reminiscent of his time as a Heartless and can unleash powerful attacks that lower his HP (hmm). Furthermore, this form only appears when his HP is low (double hmm) and stated by Nomura, “based on him going into a rampage state, controlled by feelings of anger (triple hmm).”

Back inside the narrative, the climax of KH3 was Sora believing that he's worthless without his friends, genuinely worthless, and unable to fight at all. This is the very definition of a Light gone too far when remembering that Light is the connections you form with others. With too much Light, Sora lost himself. He couldn't find himself past who he was for others.

In the section prior that broke down generational trauma as it appears in Kingdom Hearts, I mentioned that Sora does not only end up hurting himself but passively hurting others around him, most notably Riku. Sora is unable to understand that Darkness is not the absence of all good but rather the shadow that simply follows you around. Sora cannot understand that Darkness is not something to be shunned, to never talk about. (This could also be tied back to his Rage form—while he does not actively channel his anger to hurt, that is what happens; only to never be acknowledged by him.)

(Off-topic, but I find it funny that Sora, who is so keen on the idea that Darkness is Not Good, was only ever to have a proper conversation with Riku in the Realm of Darkness. It’s very telling to their characters.)

Kingdom Hearts is setting up a narrative that Light and Darkness cannot exist in excess. That Light doesn't exist to balance out the Darkness, to stop it from becoming too strong—you need Darkness to exist as well. 

Sora has gotten this far along the story and still hasn't managed to learn this, because it’s just not something you can learn (or unlearn, rather) on your own. Because this kind of thinking isn’t undone with hours of contemplation; in a fitting Kingdom Hearts fashion, it’s connections that lead to the revelation.

the roads we walk

Xehanort and Eraqus fall out with each other. They stop talking and sever the connection with each other. That was a core reason things got as out of hand as they did for each other; they weren't keeping each other in check. Xehanort's Darkness left him blind and unable to see that there was Light after all, and Eraqus's Light blinded him and left him stumbling with a Keyblade for a 'greater purpose.' Their hearts fell too far to one end of the balance, leaving the scales unbalanced.

Riku and Sora do not have that. They have a connection like nothing seen in this series before—Riku had literally raised Sora to become a Child of Destiny alongside him. The Light of their hearts is just so awe-strikingly bright. 

Sora, however, has lost himself in all his light. He is stuck in the same bright room that Eraqus was, stumbling around with his Keyblade. But where Eraqus was forever lost, Sora can be found: because where Riku had Sora to guide him to the Light, Sora will have Riku to guide him through the Darkness. 

Riku spends the majority of his character simply proving that he is capable of redemption. It takes him the ending of a game to realize the errors in his ways and another game to figure out the solution he must fight for, and these weren't revelations he finds on his own—he found the first with Sora and the second (in CoM) with Mickey and Namine.

For Sora to even have the revelation that he cannot keep shutting out the Darkness in him unless he wants more pain for himself and others, he needs someone to help show him that is an option. And who else but Riku, who is living proof that existence isn’t just black-or-white, Light or Darkness?

Riku is Sora's foil. A foil is a character who either has pronounced differences between themselves and the protagonist or is so alike that a contrast appears. Riku is the ladder, similar enough to Sora that one can begin to make assumptions about where the story is heading. Their similarities aren't hard to find: they both hail from Destiny Islands, they both have a love for adventure, they both were assumed to walk a path of Light for the rest of their lives, and they both care deeply for each other. The contrast begins in KH1 when Riku begins his fall to Darkness while Sora remains firm in his standing.

Riku’s arc ended with acceptance; he needed to accept the Darkness and the Light inside him to find peace. It’s only natural that his foil, struggling with the same imbalance, would go through a similar arc but still different enough to be his own.

It isn't just the story telling us this. Riku has always been associated with imagery of dawn, the breaking of Darkness into Light, and Kairi is always associated with imagery of dusk, the breaking of Light into Darkness (which is a conversation all on its own). Sora, on the other hand, is associated with a large blue sky (his name, after all, does mean sky.) It's not hinting towards a journey of any kind—not a redemption like for Riku.

He is the daylight. He is the Light in everyone's lives. But ‘Sora’ doesn't mean the day sky. It simply means sky. Sky, at day or night—and I don't mind if you call me reaching at this point, but it feels like it's calling out to the fact that Sora needs to accept that he is both Light and Darkness, the way the sky is both day and night. 

Nomura has even stated in an interview before when asked about the two different versions of the Dream Drop Distance illustrations that he “wanted its composition and look to remind [the player] of the title’s catch copy, ‘Darkness becomes light, light falls into darkness.’” The parallel structure of the tagline serves to mirror the parallel structure of Sora and Riku’s paths, Sora’s road to night and Riku’s road to dawn.

But I digress. Exhaustively, it’s very apparent that Sora is heading toward a climax, a Darkness he cannot ignore. His breakdown in KH3 was left unspoken, unresolved, and his disappearance only contributes to the fact that he’s heading toward another breaking point, where the cheerful protagonist can no longer remain cheerful. But like in KH3, something is going to be the same: Riku.

At his lowest point, it was Riku who was next to him, telling Sora that he believed in him. It was Riku who carried on when Sora couldn’t. Riku is going to be key in Sora's journey to night. Riku was able to find his Road to Dawn by remembering Sora. He was able to walk by remembering his love, his passion, his everything, and it was because of Sora that Riku found balance. He found the Light within himself, and he learned to accept that the Darkness would always be a part of him, the way it is for others. 

Sora's arc will be spun into motion because of Riku. The next installments of Kingdom Hearts are setting up that Riku's dreams are the key to finding Sora, implying perhaps that it may be Sora and Riku all alone in a world. Whatever the case, Riku is going to be by Sora's side, as that is where they are at their best, to face Sora’s worst.

And it's fitting. Riku had to go from Darkness, defined as a lack of connections, to a balance with Light, having connections. He went from his isolation, wearing a blindfold and not being able to face anyone, to being the charming Riku we all love, fighting alongside the Keyblade wielders. His journey would have him open up, so he would be joined by memories, ghosts, not by people until he began to embrace others.

Sora will be going from Light to a balance with Darkness. He'd be going from connections to a lack (though not in the same extremes that Riku did), in a sense. Understandably, he can’t do it alone, make such a drastic change; he'd need someone.

This change, this balance, this emphasis on connections, it’s guiding us to what the narrative has been trying to tell us all along.

we can be the darkness, and the light, and the sunsets and sunrises too

When asked about the theme of KH3 and the entire series, Nomura answered, “It’s in the title: hearts. The consistent theme across the whole series is ‘What is a heart?’”

Kingdom Hearts is going to be doing something unprecedented in not only a lot of media but in its world itself. While the idea of Light and Darkness existing within characters is not new, the characters aren't exactly behind that idea. Most of the Keyblade Wielders and Guardians of Light cherish the Light above all else—while all the primary villains worship the Darkness. They fight for a balance but don't fully grasp that within (nearly) all of them lies both entities. 

Riku seems to be more accepted in the world, as he did join the Light in the end. But what Sora would do is... just absolutely bonkers. He will be embracing a Darkness in him, the same kind that Terra and so many others were taught to push out. Sora will be... well, a teenager. Happy and angsty and all the things teens are.

This is where Kingdom Hearts has the chance to seal the deal, to fully welcome this balance of Light and Darkness: a relationship between Riku and Sora. 

For all Guardians of Light, there is a generational trauma hanging over their heads and haunting them, and Sora will need to accept his Darkness to combat it, but the story can't end there. The games have been building up the idea that Sora will be the one to bring change to the world, that Sora will be the one to end this cycle. He won’t just accept his Darkness but lead a new age. He will be the one to show that there's a different way (or really, only one other way) to move forward:

Love. 

Unconditional love. Not love depending on whether they fit the wielders' definitions of Light and Darkness, not love depending on the amount of Light in someone's heart, not love clouded by hypocrisy. Just pure love, forever forgiving and growing.

So who better for Sora’s love than Riku?

Let’s get all the arguments for Kairi out of the way first. Some may say that Kairi could still fulfill this role of spreading love in the next games, but that’s only if her role in the story is completely revamped. She represents friends growing apart as they grow older yet remaining close. While Sora and Riku represent a balance between Light and Darkness, Kairi represents holding a Light close to your heart, even when it's so far away; fitting for her story of being ripped apart from her home.

The games keep pushing the friends' growing apart narrative rather than pulling from it, having Kairi remain with Aqua to train while Riku goes after Sora. There is little space for Kairi to suddenly walk a road to dusk that leads to romance. Especially because it’s Sora and Riku who are the Children of Destiny, they are the ones who will connect to other hearts and bring change, not Kairi. Her lesson would be for herself, not for the world to see. 

A relationship between Kairi and Sora would just be backtracking on this message. Sora needs to accept his Darkness, but joining forces with a Princess of Light does not challenge any norms, it does not provide a new answer. It makes sense because the core of Kingdom Hearts isn’t a Prince and Princess of Light—it’s two boys who saw the night sky fall one day, two boys who grew up together, two boys destined for something greater who write their own paths anyway. It’s Sora and Riku. Nomura himself has stated that “Sora and Riku represent the theme of the Kingdom Hearts series, which is the ‘light and dark sides of the heart,’” the essence of this essay. 

Carrying on, some may stop me here and say that their love doesn't need to be romantic for a point to be made. But I argue that there is no other way.

Romantic love in stories often serves as the culmination of the story’s themes. In Leigh Bardugo's books, her romances serve to show the importance of love and healing. In the Shadow & Bone trilogy, Alina has the options between the Darkling, representing power, Nikolai, representing nationalism, and Mal, representing love. Just love. Not one befitting of a Saint, someone to change the world, but that’s not who Alina wanted to be; she just wanted a happy ending. Shockingly, she picks Mal. In Six of Crows, Kaz and Inej's romance, both traumatized teenagers, serves to show that you can heal and you can love. They're both scared of people, scared of intimacy and yet they still love with all their scars on display.

In Revolutionary Girl Utena, the romance between Utena and Anthy reaches its climax at the end of the show, displaying the vulnerability of both girls and the rawness of their feelings. But most importantly, it drives home the message: that the power to bring revolution is not the power of a prince or a witch. The power to change the world is love. The only way to change the world to be suitable to live in is through love. The power, a revolution, brought by love.

Romance is a revolution. It’s often saved for the last act of stories because of how it acts as a thread between all of the themes. In Kingdom Hearts, the theme needing weaving is balance: balance between yourself and others, balance between selflessness and selfishness, balance between Light and Darkness. Sora and Riku getting together would be Yin and Yang—a boy who had to accept his Darkness and a boy who had to fight for his Light. They complement each other and fill where the other lacks. 

Likewise, a relationship between them stresses the importance of connections. Tai Yasue, co-director of the series, has stated that “the theme of the KH series is ‘connections of the heart,’” and the narrative will take advantage of any opportunity to let that theme shine. Previously, many defenders of Light would sacrifice their connections with others for a greater good. But Sora and Riku choosing to love each other, choosing to love the Light and Darkness in each other instead of trying to chase away their Darkness, is showing that love is their other option. 

Sora getting with Kairi challenges nothing. It tells the others that Light must be with Light, that good must be with good. Even their grand attack in Re:Mind is two giant angel wings where they proclaim, “Light!” Sora and Riku, however, show that Light does not mean good. It shows that people can do bad things, and it doesn't make them bad, because people are not black and white. Like two kingdoms forever at war with each other, finally coming together and realizing that the other side is human and that you can't simply demonize them.

Sora and Kairi say there is nothing wrong with the world. To carry on. Sora and Riku say that there isn’t anything wrong with the world; it’s the people looking the wrong way. There is nothing wrong with what’s around us. Nothing wrong, nothing right. “Nothing is whole, and nothing is broken.” It’s simply being: being Darkness, being Light, being both, being neither.

It has to be Sora and Riku. It's always had to be them. Riku brought Sora up to the status of a Child of Destiny, and their journeys were led by each other, their character development taught by one another, and their acceptance will come from (an eventual) conversation between the two about their pain and hurt and Darkness, it’s all always been leading here. To this moment in time where they show the world all the hurt they hold and how they carry on with.

All of that, and loving each other? 

They are crossing the line, as Hikaru Utada sings in Don't Think Twice. They are going to be crossing every line established in Kingdom Hearts, and this is their power. Their revolution. Their predetermined yet self-made destiny. The payoff for years and years of searching and yearning and pining and chasing is a love that brings revolution, and oh...isn't that just romantic? 

That is the answer to “What is a heart?” The heart is the love you have, despite it all. The heart is the connections you make, despite it all. The heart is your Darkness and your Light and your experiences and your fights, despite it all. The heart is Sora and Riku, despite it all.

grant us the power to bring the world revolution

A lot of this analysis really depends on whether or not you believe Sora and Riku are in love with one another, I realize. You may agree with me that it seems fitting that their coming together as a pair would catalyze all the themes in Kingdom Hearts, but you disagree that it means they'd ever be a pairing. Which, I'd like to thank you for at least hearing me out. 

The queerness of their relationship means there will always be naysayers to them getting together, there will always be people claiming that I'm reaching. I do not care if you see them as brothers or ‘just’ really good friends. I see a love story. I see a love story and a love story saying to love, above all else. Do not judge others for you don't know what is wrong or right, for you are biased, for you are flawed, for you are human. Love others for that is the heart's will. Love.

I see that their getting together would be a testament to that love. To that forgiveness, to those flaws we have. It would be an acceptance of Riku's pain and Darkness that he mysteriously doesn't want to acknowledge, it would be an acceptance of Sora's pain that he's been bottling up ever since the beginning of his journey, and it would be an acceptance to the Light they both share. It would be the balance that so many generations have looked for and couldn't find because they did not practice acceptance, only judgment. 

Sora and Riku getting together is acceptance and it's proof that love is the answer to a generational trauma that has been around ever since the beginning of time. So yeah: Soriku Endgame, Actually. 

Thank you so much for reading! I’m a really big fan of stories about light and darkness and the balance between them, stories about love, and just Kingdom Hearts in general. I didn’t want to keep these thoughts in the back of my head and I’m glad I wrote them all out, even if it’s messy (and a shocking 6k words long...) Kingdom Hearts is a bit messy, after all.

If you're interested in more about Sora and Riku's relationship or just literary analysis of KH in general, please check out Constructing Kingdoms on YouTube, as it helped give me the words to write a lot of this essay. Further, if you're in total denial that there is any queer text in Kingdom Hearts, please check out this amazing video essay on Riku being gay. 

That's all I have. Please feel free to share if you have any disagreements or if any parts really spoke to you, or if you have anything to add, or anything really. These two live rent-free in my mind, and I don't mind talking about them or about how they're just so perfect to change the world.

Thank you. Spread love (and the Soriku agenda.)

[tangents-within-tangents]

The thing about the "Clone Rebellion" show

I've become a lot more critical of The Bad Batch lately and I think I realized that’s because it’s over. 

That means that 1. I can look back on the whole show retrospectively, and 2. any issues or hopes I had no longer have a chance to be addressed or resolved.

I realized I’ve been very caught up in thinking about the missed potential of the show, and a lot of my disappointment/frustration with the direction TBB took (esp in regards to the "reg" clones) is coming from the fact that a Clone Rebellion show does not exist to make up for it. For now this is all we have, and it’s hard for me to just accept TBB for what it is, because I at least have been operating under the assumption that this is all we're going to get, that this fabled spin-off show is just not going to happen. 

Because here’s the thing: We all kinda talk about it as if it's a given, a not if but when, but as far as I can tell the concept came entirely from the fans. Just speculation and wish-fulfillment. I don’t really keep up with news/interviews/behind the scenes stuff, but I’m pretty sure there have never been any mentions from official sources (y'all freaked out about one animation job listing that could be for literally anything). If there's something I’ve missed let me know, but for now at least there have been no announcements or plans or anything.

The only thing really is that the gaps left in TBB feel like intentional setup (we never got an Echo and Rex solo episode like we did with Crosshair and Cody which feels like they are saving it for something else, Echo’s fate was specifically left open-ended by not mentioning him (for better or for worse) in the epilogue, Emerie joins them at the end setting up for a female character to be in the main cast, etc) but that still doesn’t guarantee that we will ever actually get a show. That feels more like leaving the possibility open, not necessarily making plans. Especially since TBB actually puts any potential Clone Rebellion show in a really weird position:

There's a lot of important clone-relevant stuff going on during TBB (like Order 66, Kamino, the stormtrooper bill, Tantiss) but I doubt they would go back and show that again since it would either be repetitive by rehashing TBB’s timeline, or confusing by relying too much on people having watched another show. Yeah most people probably would have, but that still doesn’t work very well narratively if your important beats are just implied and happening offscreen. Like I would kill to see more of Nemec and Fireball but then they would just disappear after being killed off (for pretty much no reason) in another show! Hemlock and Tantiss base were designed specifically to be clone-centered threats, and the underground network were the ones who actually spent time searching for it, but then they weren’t there for the rescue so there would be no resolution. But if we instead pick up at the end of TBB it seems like most clones have already been phased out of the Empire by then anyway. Yes you could still make things work either way and come up with new plots and stuff but it’s still a tight spot to be in and it doesn’t really feel like the writers took that into account.

Whether we do get another show or not, I think it still had a negative impact on TBB though. Like that show already had a cameo problem, but 'setting up potential future show at the expense of the current one' is such an issue in any media (esp Star Wars and Marvel these days). Since we got pieces of both 'important stuff happening to the clones' and 'fun mercenary adventures with the Batch' rather than just committing to one or the other, or equally to both, it just causes issues for both shows. I’ve been working on a full post about the lost potential, but for now I’ll summarize as:

It hurts TBB bc we get these glimpses of a more meaningful story that our main characters, the ones the show decides to dedicate screen time to, choose not to participate in. It’s like that trope/bad writing thing where the story they mention (Budapest, or like the Cullens' backstories) sounds more interesting than the one they are actually showing us. Like it’s okay that the Batch didn’t take the same route as Echo and Rex, but the route they did take should be of equal or greater importance/intrigue, and it just really wasn’t. It was mostly directionless side quests and that made the characters seem selfish and a lot of the plots feel filler-y because there are so many important things going on elsewhere. 

It's just starting to feel unlikely that we'll get TWO post-RotS "clone-centered" shows, so why waste the one we did get avoiding the more important clone-centered storyline? Why not at the least equally divide the time you did have between the Batch and Echo and Rex? Why make an ensemble show if you're not going to try to actually balance all the characters? Why bring back a fan favorite clone just to push him to the sidelines and ignore all his potential? Why focus on the "clones" who aren't affected by/don't care about clone issues?

Believe me, I still want a show focusing on Rex and Echo's efforts to save the clones (I just wish it was the show we got in the first place)! I genuinely hope that we will get this show someday, not just because I love clones and this concept, but because I really see a need for it, there's a lot of gaps and potential to be filled there (which is also why I'm okay waiting bc frankly I don't trust the current state of Star Wars writers to properly handle that potential). But I’m treating it with a more “not until proven otherwise” approach (because we all know what happens when we get our hopes up lolll). So for now this is what we have, and unless that changes, I think we should treat it as such.

A lot of times when I see people mention the idea of a new show it's as a way to fix any issues within TBB. Like ‘this wasn’t resolved that well, maybe in the clone rebellion show…’ ‘Maybe Tech could still come back in the clone rebellion show’ ‘Maybe Crosshair’s character arc could be more complete…’ etc. But again we don’t know for sure if there ever will be another show, and even if there is, TBB should be able to stand on its own. There are some things I think another show could do (like address the plot hole of why the Empire never came back to Pabu, or actually doing something with the CX troopers) but narratively it does not work for major plot arcs or character development like that to be resolved elsewhere (like how a major Mandalorian plot point happened in the middle of TBOBF???). If we do get a Clone Rebellion show I don't think it would make much sense for the Batch to play much of a role in it. TBB ended with a clear send off for those characters, whether that was fully satisfying to you or not, that was the narrative intention. The Batch could show up as cameos, but this wouldn’t be their story anymore, and we know it couldn’t be because they were very intent on retiring and clearly never cared much about the regs or Empire so why would they suddenly change their minds?

A Tech lives plotline would have to be centered on the Batch, that’s his family, but that would just be really out of place in a separate show, especially post-finale (which confirmed that Tech did not come back in canon (at least until Omega joins the rebellion, if you want to be nitpicky ig)). There always could be ways to make it work anyway if you really wanted to, but we saw what retcon battles did to the Sequel Trilogy, and it still wouldn’t really fix any problems in TBB as a show. I’ve said it before, but if the writers were going to bring Tech back then they simply would/should have (they knew season 3 was the final season and they had plenty of time which they spent fighting space gators and whatnot instead).

I'm not saying this to spoil the fun or like dash anyone's hopes or anything. I don't actually know any more than anyone else, I have no impact on what Disney and Lucasfilm do (and clearly they don't really care about making narratively functional choices anyway, get roasted). For all I know this post could age horribly. I just had some thoughts to get off my chest, because I think it’s unproductive to judge TBB based on the idea of an unconfirmed potential other show--that does not (yet?) exist and wouldn't be about them--instead of looking at it for what it is. 

TBB is over. Canon happened, what we have is what we got. We can love it and hate it and critique it and write our au’s and fix-its, but I really think that it’s done. We have to make space for endings, that's an important part of storytelling (which is also why they need to be well-written but whatever). And we also have to make space for other stories to be told. The Batch had their show, they spent the screen time they had on what they did. Those characters got their time and they got a happy ending wrap up, and now it's (hopefully) time to let some other clones take the spotlight.

[tickle-minion]

The Photo Shoot

Pretty safe for work tickling story. Ended up a bit longer than I expected, but what can you do?

------

Ryan always knew he was going to make it big.  Ever since he was in high school he’d always gotten the lead parts in the school plays, and now that he was in university he was showing success in independent student productions.  Of course he didn’t make any money off of any of those, and tuition for his school was expensive, which meant he had to work and had thousands in student loans to look forward to once he was done.  He took this all in stride since he knew there was a pot of gold at the end of this very expensive rainbow.

One thing Ryan knew he needed if he was going to continue trying to be an actor was to get some professional pictures taken for auditions.  So far he’d gotten free head shots taken by photography students.  The problem is you get what you pay for, and some of the shots were clearly student work.

Luckily for Ryan, there were other photographers in town who were willing to work with students to get them some professional shots at a reduced rate.  After a few days of searching, Ryan came across a photographer named Jay.  He liked what he saw on Jay’s website (and liked his student discount even more) so he made an appointment to meet him.  The two met for a consultation and Ryan booked a time slot to come to Jay’s studio. 

On the day of the shoot, Jay brought several pairs of clothes to wear.  Something formal, something casual, some streetwear, etc.  When it came to the casual look, Jay instructed Ryan to take off his shoes and socks.

“Take them off?  Why?”

“Shows vulnerability.  Most people don’t show their feet at all, so it exposes a little bit more of you.”

Ryan wasn’t entirely convinced, but he still pulled off his shoes and socks and continued with the session.

It may have been his imagination, but Ryan felt that Jay kept glancing down at his bare feet.  It wasn’t super obvious, and as far as Ryan could tell his feet were never the focus of any shots, but Jay’s eyes kept trailing down to them.  Strange, yes, but Ryan didn’t want to cause a scene when he felt there was so much on the line.

Finally, with that last shot, they were done.

“Alright Ryan, that just about wraps it up.  I think we got some good shots, but it will take me a few days to go through and clean them up.”

“Wow, alright, thanks.  I’m looking forward to it.  Can’t wait to see how they turn out.”

Ryan started to put his socks back on.

“Hey, kid, before you go any further, I have a business proposition for you.  That is, if you’re looking to make a few bucks.”

Ryan stopped and looked over at the photographer.  Extra money was never a bad thing.

“I mean, money is money, I guess.  What are you looking for?  This isn’t something dirty, is it?  Because I’m not taking off my clothes.”

“Don’t worry, you’re already as undressed as you’d need to be.  I just want to make a little video to post on my website.”

Ryan’s eyes narrowed.

“I’ve seen your website.  You don’t have videos.”

The photographer gave a large toothy grin.

“Not that website, a different one.  Here, come and take a look.”

Jay motioned for Ryan to follow him to the back of the studio where he had a large computer setup.  Camera equipment and props were everywhere.

“Alright, just better not be anything too freaky.”

Ryan walked over to the far end of Jay’s studio on bare feet.  When he got to the computer he was shocked by what he saw on the screen.

“Are those guys getting… tickled?”

Jay nodded and scrolled down the page a bit, showing Ryan more videos.  Each one showed a young man (around Ryan’s age) being tickled.  Some were tied up, some had their feet in stocks, and some just had their ankles being held down.  Most were dressed like Ryan (which is to say fully dressed except for the shoes and socks), but others were in various states of undress.  No one looked naked, though.

“Yup.  Tickling sells well, you know.  Lots of guys, and hell, women too, love seeing guys getting tickled.  And it pays.”

Ryan’s ears perked up.

“People are willing to pay?”

“Oh sure.  People are willing to pay for these videos if the model is cute and ticklish enough.  And I have to say kid, you’re the exact type of guy they like to see.”

Ryan didn’t have much to say.  His eyes stayed glued to the screen.

“I’ll make you a deal.  You let me tickle you a little bit, just your feet so you don’t have to take anything else off, and not only will I not charge you for the shots, but I’ll actually give you a bit of what the video makes.  What do you say?”

Ryan wanted to say no right away, but he hesitated.  Not only would he get his shots for free, but he’d also get some cash for it, too?  It seemed too good to be true.

“I mean… alright.  I guess.  As long as this is just tickling.  I’m not doing anything else.”

“Alright, sounds good.  And don’t worry, all I do is tickle guys, nothing else.”

Jay explained what would happen: Ryan would lay face down on a couch in the studio, so no one could see his face, and hang his bare feet over the side of the couch.  Jay would sit on his legs and tickle his feet.  It sounded easy enough.  Ryan lay down, letting Jay move his body a little bit for the camera, and let himself relax (as much as he could).  Once he was in place, Jay set up the camera and started recording.

Ryan was laying down on his stomach, bare feet on the arm of the couch, when he felt Jay straddle his ankles.

“Alright folks, this is our new tickle toy Brad.  This is his first time with us, so let’s see how ticklish he is.”

Ryan (apparently going by the name Brad) tensed his whole body, waiting for whatever was supposed to come.  Suddenly, he felt one finger on his right sole.  It started up near his heel and trailed down towards his toes.  Ryan flexed and curled his foot at the light ticklish sensation.  No one had ever touched his feet (not that he could remember, anyways) so it was a strange feeling.  The finger repeated the same movement on his left sole.  This time Ryan wiggled a little bit under Jay, his foot waving side to side.

“Got some squirming going on it looks like.  Let’s try something a little more ticklish”

One finger, one at a time, on each sole was suddenly replaced with five fingers on each sole.  Those fingers dug into the insteps of his feet, scratching the soft sensitive skin there.  Ryan jumped (though stayed pinned down by Jay’s weight) and started to kick his feet.  

“Oh shit, what the fuck?!”

“Oh yeah, we got a ticklish one here.”

The fingers really worked their way in there, kneading the flesh of his feet.  Ryan kept trying to kick those tickling fingers away, but Jay’s grip was just too strong.  There was nothing that Ryan could do to make it stop.  He could, of course, always say stop, but then he’d have to pay for his headshots.  That was a huge motivation to stay here on the couch.

Several minutes after just assaulting the center of his feet, the hands started roaming over the real estate that was Ryan’s soft size 12 soles.  The fingers came up to Ryan’s heels and attacked.  Ryan jumped, and was suddenly barking out with laughter when Jay found an especially ticklish spot: the part of his sole right before his heel.  

“Oh, sounds like we got a live one here!”

“NOO!  PLEEEEASE!”

Fingers descended on that spot on each foot.  It wasn’t just fingers working their way into the foot, but now nails were scraping and scratching too.  The only thing Ryan’s over stimulated mind could think of was that this was like ringing a doorbell.  It was loud, it was intense, and it was beyond annoying that Jay found this spot that reduced him to a laughing mess.

“Holy crap is he sensitive right here.  How are you doing Brad?  Want me to stop?”

“Y-Y-YES PL-PL-PLEEEEASE!”

“No?  You’re all good?  Sounds great to me!”

“NOOO!”

Jay continued to exploit the sensitive spot, attacking viciously with his fingers.  Ryan was sure he was going to pass out when the tickling mercifully ended.

“Th-thank God…”

“He thought that was bad, wait till he gets a load of this…”

“Wait, what?!”

“Here comes the brush!”

Ryan’s entire body jolted when a broad hairbrush started attacking that same sensitive spot.  The brush moved violently back and forth with cruel abandon.  This was the worst feeling yet.  Ryan was in absolute hysterics, thrashing as much as he could, trying to buck Jay off his legs.  His feet kicked and squirmed to get away, one foot trying to cover the other for protection.  His face and throat were starting to get sore from the laughter.

“Oh yeah, we got him right here.”

Not even able to say anything, Ryan continued to cackle.  The brush alternated between feet, and each time it switched feet it was like the first time all over again.  Tears were starting to stream from his tightly shut eyes.  This was the first time he truly regretted his decision, and despite the promise of free shots and money, he found the urge to call out stop was right on the tip of his tongue.  He bit it back though, he wasn’t going to give up.

The tickling changed, and now the brush was going up and down his soles.  Again, Ryan tried curling his foot up to avoid the tickling, but Jay grabbed Ryan’s toes and flexed them back, stretching his sole out.  Jay’s grip was too strong and Ryan wasn’t able to escape.  He laughed and giggled, unable to stop as the brush scrubbed up and down his flexed sole.  People got off on this?  Ryan figured they must all be sadists.

“Let’s see how ticklish Brad’s toes are.”

The brush stopped for just a second (giving Ryan exactly one second of peace) before attacking the toes that Jay was holding back.  Oh god.  This was bad.  This was worse than the spot hear his heels.  This was like fire.  Ryan didn’t just laugh, he was screaming.  Tears were flowing so freely that he could taste them on his lips.  He wanted to yell stop, he wanted this tickling to end, but he couldn’t form the words.

Jay continued tickling those toes, holding them tightly, even as the feet started to become slick with sweat.  This of course made the brush slide and glide all the more easily.  The brush scrubbed the tips of the toes all the way down to the sensitive little gap under each toe.

The tickling continued for a few minutes until finally, mercifully, it stopped.

“There we go, that was Brad.  I think he did pretty well.  Let me know if you want to see more of this boy.”

Jay concluded by slapping both of Ryan’s sensitive soles, making him jump and squeak.

Jay got up off of Ryan and turned off the camera.

“There we go kid, that’s it.  You did good, I have to say, I think you’re going to be pretty popular.”

“Holy shit that was bad.  Like… holy shit.  You were torturing me.”

Jay laughed.

“That’s why they call it tickle torture.  People love it.”

Ryan didn’t want to stick around much longer.  He got up off the couch (his clothes were sticking to his body from all the sweat), put his shoes and socks back on (which was hard since his feet were so sensitive after the tickling), thanked Jay and left.

Several days later two things dropped in Ryan’s email.  The first was a set of edited photographs.  Ryan was happy to see that they looked professional and much better than any of the student work he’d had done so far.  The second was much more interesting.  It was an e-transfer for a couple of hundred dollars.

Ryan stared at the screen for a few minutes before he decided to call Jay.  

“Hello?”

“Hey man, It’s Ryan.  Thanks for the pictures, I just got them.  They’re really good”

“No worries, I’m happy you’re happy.”

“So… what was the money you sent?”

“I told you that you’d get a bit of the money from the tickle video.  It was pretty popular right off the bat, so that’s your share.”

“All that for just letting you tickle my feet?”

“Oh yeah.  And if you’re ever interested we could do it again.  You could maybe even make some more next time.”

“Like… how much more?”

“Depends on how far you’re willing to go.  There’s some bondage, there’s some upper body tickling, there’s even some foot worship and tickling that drives some people wild.  You interested?”

Ryan looked at the e-transfer again.

“Yeah, maybe.  Tell me more.”

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Saturday! First off Hallelujah the actors strike is over. Now it’s just semantics and such before we get our ship back on our screens. Just saw the SAG board approved the deal with 86% percent in favor on Friday. All that is left is getting it ratified and an episode order. We’re on the right track I can not wait. Been too damn long since we’ve been excited about some new content.

Till then I shall continue my rewatch. Hoping to line it up ending it whenever a premiere date appears. So fingers crossed on that. Once we do have that might amp it up to 3 reviews a week instead of 2. This one is not a huge content heavy one for them. It's shorter than normal, but it is Lucy’s first ep as his aide. They’re riding back together. I love it so much. Absence makes the heart grow fonder they say. Some good moments peppered in this one. Sassy married moments we all love. Off we go.

4x04 Red Hot

We start off with our lovely duo at the end of roll call. Tim coming in hot and sassy. Calling her Gofer right off the bat. Asking if she’s ready to go? He had to know he was gonna get a sassy reply calling her that first thing. Man knows what he’s doing. Tim loves their little dance and banter. So he lights the fire and waits for the results. (Also good Tall/Smol shots here my fav.)

Lucy matching said sass with some of her own. A little flirting mixed in cause they can't help it. Not showing an ounce of fear with his 'authority' haha Tim picking up on that right away. Flirting right back saying he’s sensing a lack of fear in his authority.

Oh Timothy you lost that long ago my love. You have her utmost respect but the fear? Yeah that went bye bye some time ago heh Some pre-shift foreplay going on here. We know they’re both just excited to be riding together again. It’s all over their body language and this flirty exchange.

Her ‘Yes, sir.’ So cute basically saying for her 'You don’t scare me.' LOL Lucy's body language is everything with that flirty smile. She has no problem roasting him. Tim loves it despite the words coming out of his mouth. Sunshine x Grumpy ride again. I'm so happy for it. Missed it since 3x09 that’s a long time apart for them. We’ve had lovely moments in between but nothing better than them riding together. Plus they needed time to miss one another.

They’re so obvious together. Grey hears their exchange and is holding back a chuckle as he comes up to Tim. Wade knew long before they did...That is a fact. They continuously forget everyone can hear them. It’s so funny. Carrying on like a married couple in front of their colleagues.

Lucy and Tim end up joining Nolan on his missing wife call. (So happy they’re riding together. Making my heart happy) His call has gotten more complicated because well it’s John’s call….Nolan tells them she was drugged and the people claiming to know her we're speaking Russian. So they all go back to the house where the call originated.

No one is there when they arrive. They notice the house seems off... Like it’s staged and no one actually lives there. John noting it feels a lot smaller on the inside. Tim saying it’s like a reverse Tardis...Lucy’s reaction is so damn funny. Props to Melissa for the facial expression here. I’m dying. Tim already sensing her judgement cuts it off. She doesn’t even have to say what she’s thinking. He just knows and defends himself.

S4 is the fruit of all that rapport building. We get to see the end result constantly. Watch how close they are. That silent communication coming through, the comfortability and playfulness. Not even trying to hide it anymore. The amount of sass in Tim's reply. My god she has rubbed off on this man. I love it sfm I can’t stand it. Such flirty dorks in front of Nolan it’s the absolute best. So nice to have them together on cases again. I missed it.

They get a report the car was torched but no sign of the woman over the radio. Nolan opens the cabinet and sees an impressive setup. A panel with cyrilic buttons they can't read. Goes into contractor mode saying they have 500 MCM wires. Running 400 amp service out of this place. Lucy not knowing what that means but wanting to save face says her line above. Also knows Tim may not either so she throws him under the bus LOL

It’s so cute and cheeky. The theme of this episode for them is sass. 100%. The way Tim looks at her plus his little leg stamp. LMAO His reaction saying 'Seriously Lucy?' He’s not even mad about it so much as in awe of her being so damn fresh at this point. Doesn’t even fight her giving him shit anymore. Just accepts it. Smitten man right here. Front and center.

Nolan goes on to say a normal household doesn’t tend to go past 200. Whatever they’re powering is big because just the minimum can power a house and a/c under that. Nolan starts messing around with the panel like an idiot and trips something. Because well it's Nolan. Like an unattended child. It locks down the entire house and they pull their guns in case.

Tim’s reply is the best. ‘I don’t know what it says so I push it?’ LMAO Roasting John like a marshmallow. Sassy Tim has come out to play and I’m dying. A tv turns on showing surveillance of the entire neighborhood. John asks if human traffickers normally are this sophisticated? Tim replies no…It’s a safe house.

Lucy’s interest is piqued of course. Asking if it’s for spies? Tim gives her a small peak into his past. Which you know she will eat up like crazy. Always craving to know about it. Hell me too. Any morsel we can get from Tim’s past I’m all about. Lucy in wifey mode tries to get it out of him. The when and where? You can see the absolute curiosity all over her face. He just drops a bomb like that and expects her not to try and dig a little deeper?

Tim is classic in his reply. Saying it’s classified and that is that for his answer. I'm sure he was wanting to impress her with that reply. When really she's just annoyed at him haha Lucy’s reaction is so damn funny. She is offended he won’t just share his classified past with her in front of Nolan LOL That wifey look in the second gif. Ha. Look at them just flirting away no problem in front of John. That’s not an issue but asking about his past is. These two... Also when they talk in this scene it’s like Nolan isn’t even there. I love this about them. They only pay attention to one another when they get like this. I just love their banter. It’s fantastic.

Nolan discovers a panel after hitting another button. It leads to a whole other hidden part of the house. It’s clearly where they were torturing her. They dig a little deeper and find more surveillance camera's set up. Looks like they tried destroying everything before they took off. There is still some paper work and such lying around. Looks like they didn't get everything. Tim wants them to take pictures of everything before the feds show up. Because they’ll ice them out ASAP. I love when he’s a sexy leader directing everyone. yum. gimme.

This next section when the feds finally show up is primo. Mike Weston introduces himself and Tim knows right away he’s CIA. The feds are with him though. Reason being Weston has to work with them since he isn't allowed to work domestically. Tim has some serious smug husband energy going on in this scene. Watching his girl square off and win with this guy. Lying on his behalf it’s amazing. Lucy handles herself like the bad ass he knows her to be. Coming up with this on the fly. That UC training kicking in right here.

The immense amount of pride on his face is everything. He didn’t even have to tell her to lie she just did for him. Their silent communication once again is out of this world. He just stands there proud af. Like yeah that’s my girl. Doesn’t have to say a damn word. Knows she’s got this covered. Smugly smiling at this guy trying to get them to do their job. Knowing they secured the scene and got all the photos they needed. Part of that smugness is from knowing they’re not sharing. Lucy shutting them down completely and he just stands there happy as a clam while she handles the situation.

Lucy is bummed they’re taking over. Nolan reminds them she touched his hood. Tim says they can get a true ID. Try and solve this thing before the feds and CIA know what hit them. I love this. They get a hit in the database. She’s a Russian citizen here on a NGO visa. Tim saying it’s perfect cover for a Russian agent.

Lucy with her social media skills found her Instagram page. Linking her to an Air Force major named Lyle Marks. Who she was apparently dating. Nolan says she was probably dating him just to get to secret information. Lucy calls him a cynic heh I love it. Then says yeah that’s probably the most likely scenario…

That he works for drone command and hasn’t shown up for work today. Tim says no need to loop in Weston. If they’re onto something good he will find them. They show up to Mark's house and find him tortured and killed. Weston of course shows up right after they find his body. Just like Tim said. He’s so smart. Beauty and Brains.

The fact that a soldier was killed this can’t be contained any longer. Weston realizes he’s going to need their help. Especially since this is on US soil. He brings them back to his fancy spy van. So they can have a private conversation protected. Tim gets right down to business. Asking what they know about Katerina? Mike tells them they believe her to be a FSB case officer. Just like Tim said earlier. Sexy how smart he is. Intelligence is attractive af.

Apparently she went rogue during her mission. She was supposed to be recruiting intelligence assets for Russia. It’s why those two guys came into the country after her. Rather her die than be in the hands of the CIA after she escaped. Tim asks if they knew about the relationship with officer Marks? Weston replies no or they would’ve stepped in weeks ago.

Also let’s note the lack of space with them in this scene. The Grand Canyon between John and Tim. The smallest sliver between Tim and Lucy. Another theme of this season. Personal Space? Never heard of her…

This next part is more of that proud/smug hubby energy from Tim. The way she dismantles Mike is glorious. Trying to say she’s naive and espionage isn’t a romance novel. She crushes him with some solid ass logic. Lucy owns this guy not once but twice in the same day. Lucy came to play and it's so fun to watch her confidence. The way she handles herself now. So self-assured it's just as glorious to watch as Tim's growth.

I love the look on Tim’s face. (also him licking his lips I see that tongue sir. Mmm.) His reaction is 'Wifey is right and you are dead to rights sir.' He couldn’t be prouder of her confidence with this man. Held her own from the jump. The growth here is amazing. Lucy just confidently owning her moments. Tim backing her without a second of hesitation. True partners. Nolan gives a 'Told you so' look too but it’s not as important as Tim’s LOL Weston concedes and says she has a fair point…

That being said Mike said he’s read her file. That isn’t the type of person she is. They ask why she was dating Marks then? Weston says he ran the entire west coast drone command. That he had the keys to the entire program. Tim then poses if she wasn’t stealing secrets or planning to defect then what’s her play? Mike says doesn’t know..and that scares the hell out of him

That’s their last scene together for the ep sadly. We find out with just John and Bailey she killed Marks. He issued a drone strike that killed her brother. The flash drive Nolan finds in his shop is what she wants. She wants to kill everyone else on the list of the mission. Sadly Lucy’s love theory is kaput after that haha That's all she wrote for this one. Short but sweet one for them.

Side notes-non chenford

I love Lucy reaching out to Aaron to be his support through training. He fights her at first then gives in and calls her when he has bad experience with an old friend. Aaron does stick his foot in his mouth about Jackson. Poor Lucy still hurts her talk about him.

Then they bond over it. He talks about Patrick and says it still gets him too. How it sneaks up on you. You could be having normal day and something triggers it. Aaron tells her it’s nice to have someone to talk to. Love this friendship being built.

Thanks as always to those who read these reviews and show your support through likes, comments and reblogs. It’s my fuel haha so thank you. Shall see you all in 4x05

[alyssajennwrites]

Fireworks ~ Quackity x Y/n

Quackity x f!reader

TW: Fireworks (Loud noises), cursing, fluff

Note: In 1st person. I’m sorry if your tall but for the sake of the story the reader is short. Also, it doesn’t really mention it but Y/n is around Quackity’s age (just wanted to say that so you didn’t get confused).

Remember: D/n = Discord name, S/n = Ship name, N/n = Nickname

Summary: Y/n meets up with the dspm gang for the first time. But things take a slight turn in the wrong direction when Tommy not only sets off fireworks, but when he also sets off Y/n’s fear of loud noises.

A/N: I know it’s not the Fourth of July but I’ve had this idea for forever so I wanted to write it.

Word Count: 2,015

༺𝓞𝓷𝓮 𝓦𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓢𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂༻

“Happy Fourth of July everyone!” Tommy said through the discord as he and the rest of the gang streamed.

I am currently sitting in my room, waiting for Tommy to finish up. He said he’d be done in five minutes, he said that 30 minutes ago. Not gonna lie, he’s kinda a dick sometimes. He’s my best friend, but he’s just irritating sometimes.

I honestly shouldn’t have let him stream from my setup! I don’t know what I was thinking at the time, but I shouldn’t have let him.

“Tommy,” I whined, walking over to him and placing my head on his shoulder. “You told me you would be done 25 minutes ago.”

I gave him a pouty face while trying to get his attention. He looked over in my direction but didn’t look at me. He looked over at the chat.

“Chat! Stop spamming that! Y/n and I are not a couple!” Tommy said, well more as he yelled.

I looked over to see the chat spamming their ship name for us, S/n. When chat first started spamming it, about a year ago, Tommy had freaked out. But now he just yells for the fun of it.

I laugh and put on a headset, pulling the extra microphone over to me.

“Hey chat!” I say waving at the camera even if I feel like a complete idiot doing so. “Tommy? Why isn’t a game pulled up on the computer? Weren’t you playing on the SMP?”

“Well, Mujer Bonita, we don’t have our set up with us at the moment,” I heard Big Q say through the call.

Big Q has a habit of giving me nicknames but saying them in Spanish. At first, I couldn’t understand a word he’d say, but now I know bits and pieces.

“Oh? And why would that be?” I ask.

“You’ll just have to wait and see missy,” He replies.

“Well chat,” Tommy interrupts. “I better end this before Big Q and N/n get into another fight. You know the drill and I really don’t feel like repeating it but check the follow button and I’ll see you later. Bye!”

He immediately ends the stream, but doesn’t disconnect from the discord call. He turns to me, letting out a long breath.

“What? Why are you acting like you need to do something this minute but you don’t want to?” I ask, tilting my head to the side. “Did you forget that you have a college essay due tomorrow?”

I hear a lot of, “Ooo,” coming from the boys still in the call. I laugh, at Tommy’s face.

“You’re never gonna let me live that down are you?” He asks, the corners of his mouth lifting up slightly.

“Do you really expect me to? You had 3 weeks to complete that essay and you put it off until the night before. I’m surprised you even finished it.”

“Tommy, the lady has a point,” Karl jumps in.

I smirk, triumphantly.

“Quit boosting her ego! You should see the look on her face,” Tommy says, somewhat annoyed.

The whole call bursts out laughing and I’m reminded of how much I want to meet them all in person. I’ve only met Tommy in person and he is currently staying over for the next couple of weeks. I really want to see them.

It’s weird, having people know you better than you know yourself. Especially if those people have never met you in real life. Like, take Karl for example, he knows every one of my favorite songs. Though that’s probably because I play and sing them nonstop when on a call with him.

“Alright, alright! Enough! N/n and I have to go. We’ll talk to you idiots later!” Tommy says.

Multiple byes and see ya’s can be heard from the call before Tommy logs off. That’s when he turns back to face me.

“Let’s go before we miss the party.” With that, he pulls me up and begins dragging me to the front door.

“Tommy where are we going?” I ask for about the third time during our little night drive.

“Y/n! I swear! If you fucking ask again I’m gonna turn around and we’re going home. And trust me when I say you’ll not be happy with that!” Tommy says as he takes a corner way too fucking fast.

I sigh, laying back further in my seat. I pull out my phone, opening Discord to find absolutely no messages from my main SMP friends. I frown, both confused and disappointed. That’s when I decide to get their attention.

See, the boys are very protective of me. Me being one of the only girls along with Niki has its perks. So, I text the main chat for our little group of friends.

D/n:

AAAHHHH SAVE MEEEEE

Big Q immediately answers this and I’m not surprised.

Quackity:

Woah! What’s wrong? Are you okay?

KarlJacobs:

You good?

Dream:

Fuck not again…

Tommy looks over when he hears me laugh at the boys’ reaction.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He leans over and looks at my screen. “Hey! Turn that off! No Discord during our trip!” He takes my phone again, placing it on the other side of him where I can’t reach it.

“Tommy… Give me my phone back!” I yell reaching for it.

“No! Get away!” He screams back at me.

“Don’t make me ask again Bitch Boy!”

Tommy playfully gasps, “Okay, now you’re not getting it back!”

I huff, sinking into my seat, defeated. My phone begins vibrating. Over, and over, and over, and over again.

“Damn girl, why do you have Discord notifications on?” Tommy asks, turning on my phone screen. “Holy shit! What did you say to them? I can’t read what they said because of your stupid Face ID, but I can tell that they’re worried.”

“Dude! Eyes on the fucking road!” I say as he drifts into the other lane.

~~~~~

The drive takes another 30 minutes before Tommy turns into a parking lot. I get out of the vehicle, looking around. There is nothing here. I see no party.

“Here you go. Please answer them before they start bugging me,” Tommy says, handing his phone to me and then leaning on the car.

I unlock my phone to see multiple messages from the boys.

Quackity:

N/n? You can’t scream and then not respond to us!

Mujer Bonita? Answer us, please!

Tubbo:

Y/n?

Y/n are you okay?

GeorgeNotFound:

Did she get kidnapped?

KarlJacobs:

No, she didn’t fucking get kidnapped, George!

It goes on like this for a while. So I keep scrolling to find this,

Wilbur:

Have you tried calling her?

Quackity:

No, let me try really quickly!

Wilbur:

You should have tried that first dipshit!

‘Quackity started a call’

’Fifteen missed calls from Quackity’

I sigh,

“Tommy! You took my phone and now the SMP is worried!” I say, playfully slapping his arm.

“Geez! Sorry, I didn’t want them to spill the surprise!” He said.

But before I could even question him, he dragged me towards the one bend in the road at the end of the parking lot. This bend was conveniently wide enough for me not to be able to see the other side.

“Tommy, I don’t like this,” I say, pulling my arm out of his grasp and backing up. “What is going on?”

“Just trust me N/n.” Right after he said that I could feel my phone vibrate.

I unlock my phone, finding that I had a message from Big Q.

Quackity:

Trust him Mujer!

I look up, confused, but either way, I hesitantly reach out my hand to Tommy. Tommy grabs hold of my hand and pulls me around the bend.

I stop short, gasping at the sight in front of me. There was a huge house like tent with lanterns everywhere. There was a walkway with torches lining the path. The tent was illuminated by what I guessed to candles or lanterns. The one thing that stood out to me the most was the crowd of people all talking outside of the tent.

I freed myself from Tommy’s hold and ran down the path to the crowd. As I make my way closer, I see one of the short males turn to face me. I gasp as I recognize the face, freezing when I recognize all the faces in the crowd.

“What…?” I say quietly. “How are you here?”

Tommy comes up behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Happy Fourth of July Y/n.”

~~~~~

After many hugs and some tears. We all settle down. Me sitting next to Alex on the loveseat. Wilbur sitting on a stool with his guitar, strumming the tune to Your New Boyfriend. And everyone else sitting on the couches and chairs that surround the fire.

I look around at our group, there was Alex, Karl, Wilbur, Dream with a face mask on, George, Tubbo, Tommy, Philza, Niki, and Ranboo who also had a mask on.

They did it. They actually made a get together. And it is the best get together I could have asked for.

Out of no where, Tommy jumps up and yells,

“Time for fireworks bitches!!”

He runs outside, everyone else following. But as I stood up I realized, I hate loud noises. Tommy’s yelling is fine but, fireworks? I’ll have a mental breakdown.

“You okay mi amor?” Alex asked, walking back over to me.

“Mhm,” I say quietly, still looking at the wall.

“Hey…” Alex says quietly, using if hand to gently turn my head to face him. “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t laugh,” I saying, smiling sadly.

“I promise.” He sticks his pinky out for me to link with mine.

I laugh lightly, linking our pinkies in a promise.

“Okay, so…” I take a deep breath. “I’m scared of loud noises.”

Alex looks shocked at that. But he doesn’t laugh. He gives me a small smile and pulls me into a hug. But then suddenly he pulls away.

“How do you handle Tommy’s yelling and screaming them?” He looks worried, but I just chuckle.

“Oh, Tommy’s fine. I know that his yelling is all fun and games,” I reply smiling. “When I first met him though, I almost fell out of my chair because I jumped so hard when he yelled out his welcome.”

“Well, why don’t we go outside with the others?” He asks, stretching his hand out for me to grab.

I hold on, momentarily forgetting my fear. That is, until Tommy set off the first firework and I jump back. Alex immediately looks back to see me sitting on the ground, shaking. He quickly sits down next to me and covers my ears with his hands.

A look of worry, and guilt crossing his face. His hands were warm on my ears, and I couldn’t seem to make myself look away from his eyes. There was something about them that was mesmerizing.

We stayed like that until Tommy had run out of fireworks to light. Alex pulled his hands away from my ears as soon as he was certain that there were no more fireworks. He gently brushed his fingers across my skin, wiping away the tears that had broken free.

“I’m sorry, I should have stopped them sooner,” he whispered.

“It’s fine,” I whispered back.

“Hey! What do you two think you are doing on the ground?” Tommy called out from the distance.

Alex and I both laughed, helping each other off of the ground. We spent the rest of the night laughing and having fun. And Alex couldn’t seem to let go of my hand, but I’m not complaining.

“Wait, were you guys texting me from the same room? And were you in a call with Tommy from the same place?”

I never got an answer, I only got a bunch of laughter.

[tehnakki]

I just wanted to thank you for posting that selfie. I’ve been nervous about my career prospects since I’m going into engineering and dress a lot more eccentric (for lack of a better term) than like 90% of the people in my classes. It’s nice to see that someone who dresses fun and colorful doesn’t have to tone it down to do a major presentation (and to NASA at that, holy fuck)

Awwww, don't be nervous! Wanna know a ridiculous thing that happened to me as a intern/new hire?

So I worked in a human testing lab at university, and usually would run tests whenever I could get human subjects, so sometimes that was the middle of the night because college students. So I got pretty comfortable wandering about campus in my pajamas.

So I was napping in the human centrifuge between tests (like you do), when the light suddenly turned on and there was a whole horde of people in suits and polo shirts gathered around me.

My professor had forgotten to tell me that NASA Johnson was visiting for the day to see our progress.

I ended up having to give a presentation on the lab and then demonstrate the test campaign (with no bra to hold my giant bazangas). Also, my hair was pink at the time.

Fast forward 8 months and I'm working in the NASA Johnson Exercise Lab on an extension of the project I was on and on my first day multiple people said hi and called me "pajama intern", people who I am SURE were not at the lab test. That ended up being my nickname until their was a classic Houston downpour and I got soaked on my way to building 6 to give a presentation to a different team (I truly am cursed when it comes to presentations). So I stopped in the locker room and tossed all my clothes in a dryer, and sat around in a towel for a bit, but the dryer was taking forever. So I grabbed a lab coat, put it on OVER the towel (to try to disguise that I was just wearing a towel??? I still don't know what I thought would happen). And headed to the conference room.

Where I pretended to be completely oblivious to the fact that everyone was dying of laughter as I got setup and gave a very good presentation on lunar regolith.

Then I was "Labcoat [First Name]" till I left to go to industry, where I immediately died my hair blue and started wearing a Lemur onesie to the office everyday.

Anyways, for as shallow as most people are, I've found that it takes very little time for me to establish my credibility regardless of what I'm wearing. And the people who don't treat my experience and skills with respect were never going to anyways, regardless of what I was wearing. I'm a nonbinary black queer person in an industry still dominated by cis white men. If they are going to hate me for things I can't change, I may as well ignore all social mores and conventions and just have a good time being the most "myself" I can be.

And by being "myself" and not trying to mask all the time, I free up so much of my brain from anxiety about meeting some arbitrary requirements and tend to make better connections with people. So I end up with really good friendships with people who never interact with queer weirdos like me but find me fascinating. Like my buddy, a high ranking officer in The Space Force (LOL) who sends me the stupidest emoji text messages every time I snicker in a call with them. And loves that I mock the military usage of "sir/ma'aming" every sentence by calling people 20years older than me "my bud".

I have no idea where I was going with this.... But fuck the haters, have fun with your life. YOLO!