#I’m a little fucked up about that tbh
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Thinking abt kazuma,,, thinkng abt how he has silver eyes compared to kazumi’s gold,,, as if even kazuma’s character design is telling the world he’s in second place, & that he’ll never live up to his brother’s example </3
#I’m a little fucked up about that tbh#also like the way when he was possessed by gyze he had golden eyes…would’ve perhaps been interesting to do more with that#like a ‘I’m finally free of ‘imperfections’’ moment#is it kazuma or gyze speaking? who knows maybe both#cfv#cfvg#shouji kazuma#also also I wonder if the dad has silver/white hair since kazumi does & kazuma has that little silver/white streak…#bc if so that’s another thing that could allude to his position as the less-favored son#like the little silver streak in kazumas hair shows he’s related to them#but bc most of his hair is blue it’s glaringly obvious that he’s also an outsider#like maybe kazumas mom has blue hair and that’s where he got it from.#(I don’t remember if we saw the dad in g since I only watched it once so it’s very possible we did and I’m wrong)#this is probably either me over analyzing or just smth obvious we were supposed to pick up but WHATEVER#just having kazuma thoughts yk how it is#this is from like last November help me I hoard drafts too long#thinking abt him again though. miss him. might fuck around and finish my cfvg rewatch
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rewatched madoka magica again today bc i fucking hate myself and to absolutely no one’s surprise i went through all five stages of grief in a single evening
#let’s talk about sayaka miki for a second#genuinely the fact that her whole character is centered around tragedy almost to a shakespearean extent#she’s selfless and brave and values her justice and righteousness above all. calls herself an ally of justice#in fact i think it’s rather intriguing how her whole character is centered around “justice”#her story being a more twisted retelling of the original little mermaid#how she is initially portrayed as a very heroic and confident character even before becoming a magical girl. always shielding madoka#selling her soul to heal the boy she loved out of a selfless desire to see him well again#her being absolutely distraught abt being robbed of her humanity and betrayed by kyubey#she combats this harrowing realization by immersing herself in her duties not caring that she is slowly deteriorating in the process#becoming numb with pain and fighting recklessly and psychotically trying to drown out the pain#finally coming to the sickening conclusion that humanity doesn’t deserve her saving and she succumbs to a fate of her making#last words being “i was so stupid” which trumps her previous statement of “there’s no way i’d regret this”#ALSO? the fact that her costume and weapon are symbolic of a knight. she rly portrays this hero of justice who will protect and defend ☹️#i think abt the fact that homura said that sayaka’s wish was so selfless it was only a matter of time before she died#sayaka being the example of what happens to magical girls who go through the entire cycle and eventually become witches is so sad to me#genuinely just like. sick and twisted#very very fucked up.#characters who have their own misconstrued interpretation of “justice” or who are centered around justice in general.#you will always be dear to me.#sayaka reminds me a lot of akechi in some ways ngl#harboring an almost idealized vision of justice but it slowly rots and festers and corrupts their hearts the more immersed w it they become#actually losing their sanity when they fight bc of how much pain they’re in but refuse to acknowledge it until they break#refusing any help and wallowing in misery despite having ppl who love them and want to save them#last words are those expressing regret for being such a fool. for being ignoring#being used by yhe main villain as a stepping stone towards their true goal. they were merely a pawn#also doomed in every version of their reality. always doomed by the narrative no matter what choices they make#i have a type i fear#HAHAHAH ALSO the fact that they’re both dressed so regally compared to everyone else in their respective series#meant to portray them in a virtuous and princely light. only made more apparent by the sword being their weapon of choice#i’m gonna shut up now but they’re soo eerily similar its unnerving tbh 💀
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guys genuinely i’m both excited and terrified the dhmis pilot will be shown in full again because . first off, never before seen (by me) content, and we don’t get that a lot in the dhmis fandom. possibly new characters, dialogue, etc!! second, THE CREATORS DONT EVEN LIKE IT AND HID IT FROM THE PUBLIC AFTER IT WAS SEEN ONCE WHAT IS IN ITTT😭
#i know a couple reasons is that it’s not the direction they wanted to take and they thought they could have written some things better#BUT FROM HOW LITTLE THEY’VE TALKED ABOUT IT..#AND FROM SO LITTLE WEVE SEEN#im honestly scared there’s gonna be a moment or two that is just not good at all and possibly shockingly bad (for me at least)#but tbh. they are kinda really smart at making things and i don’t think they’d fuck up that bad#STILL WHO KNOWS.#also like mari im terrified of seeing morgan in HD#MORGAN DOESNT EXIST (delusional)#i actually don’t care too much about morgan it just. surprised me is all 💀#anyway i’m actually mostly excited and i’m hoping we’ll get to see the full pilot in HD or someone will actually record the whole thing#like i said in the reblog i’m mentally preparing myself for a “he would not fucking say that” moment#anyway see y’all when it airs#for later#☎️#dhmis#don’t hug me i’m scared#dhmis wakey wakey#dhmis pilot
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I’m replaying act 1 (for the fifth time) and when Gale is explaining his condition to you he mentions he’s “never told another living soul” about it, except for Tara. You’re telling me this man shut himself up in his tower for an entire year and didn’t tell anyone why and no one ever bothered to find out? He has so few people who care about him in his life that he fell into a depression and disappeared for a year and NO ONE thought to go and check on him and find out what was wrong? He’s had no one but Tara providing help and support until he meets Tav???????
#I’m just#this is my Astarion run but holy shit GALE#like no wonder he’s a little bit insane#how isolated has he been his whole life that he has no one but his cat who cares enough to take care of him#the way he speaks about his mother I thought they’d be pretty close but even she never found out about the orb??#either she shrugged off her brilliant son turning into a depressed recluse or she never bothered to check on him at all#and tbh Gale might not even realize that’s Not Ideal#maybe he’s always been held at a distance by his family#I have hcs about this actually#anyway that fucked me up this time#the way he begs tav for help finding items to feed the orb like he’s fully expecting to be shot down and left behind#ughhhhhhh I am Upset about the wizard again friends#bg3#baldur’s gate 3#gale of waterdeep#I didn’t even go into how Mystra also abandoned him at the same time#so he was going through a break up and a crisis of faith and being a human bomb all at once#🥲
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anybody on here read fucking. uh. the magicians
#books have made me insane. and they were supposedly nyt bestsellers back in their day and yet no one ? is talking about them????#granted their day was ten years ago BUT#god. i’m so insane i had to start watching the tv show (only ~50% the same canon) because that people ARE talking about#if only a little bit and mostly to complain about some shit that apparently went down in the later seasons regarding a ship i’m pretty#agnostic on tbh#maybe the show will sell me on it and then proceed to shatter my heart as well. we shall see as i continue#anyway read them! read them read them!!!#i was hesitant for a while because they get pitched everywhere as ‘a GROWN-UP narnia… a WITTY GENRE-AWARE harry potter…’ and i was like.#well to be frank that sounds kind of mean-spirited and lacking in whimsy :/#but actually they’re SO good 🥺 they are like love letters to the genre that are also a fresh take and are fucking hilarious and chart an#incredibly moving emotional journey of the protagonist from adolescence to adulthood#so please. someone come be insane with me :)
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Watching Stampede with my family made me realize how genuinely insane I have turned thanks to it
Like wow the actual physical EFFORT it took me to not randomly start explaining the composition of a scene, the color choice, the framing, the voice directing and the choreographies of certain scenes, as well as some of the lore behind it I should not explain because spoilers.
No, sorry. I lied on my résumé . I can’t like anything a normal amount. I’ve liked this for less than 4 months and I’m very deep into the trenches. And it will unfortunately become everyone else’s problem as well, because this one will stick around for a long time.
#being a lil mentally ill again guys#that’s right. finally managed to make the third rewatch with my binge watcher family in one night#I call it having fun at the expense of my mental integrity#to be fair Trigun is *gestures the air* right there for me to delve into deep analysis for no real reason#other than I’m obsessed with media that explores morally and ethically challenging topics#and the cool ass designs and badass weapons and super great characters#and I mean Trigun is just made to be loved tbh head full or head empty is so enjoyable either way and I think that’s a great charm it has#though at one point itll force you to THINK and I LOVE THAT#I want to scream with someone about Trigun and I do with my friends but it’s not the same when they haven’t watched it yet#and since I’m that.one.friend that looks to much into it because HAHA STORY CREATOR BUT#yeah. I want to talk about Trigun so bad…it’s…it’s a little embarrassing. but I obviously don’t fucking care the enough#because if I did that one person I didn’t know wouldn’t have said the ‘ah the Trigun girl’#somehow I became a synonymous to it. and I couldn’t be prouder.#trigun#trigun stampede#vash the stampede#lenssi rambles#trigun maximum#in my defense. I have adhd. which doesn’t really make up for much but at least it explains some extent of it
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🙃
#just want to apologize to anyone who has tried to reach out lately#just like I texted my friend I’ll tell you guys the same#haven’t been talking to a lot of people lately tbh#pretty sure I’ve mentioned php a few times by now#monday was my last day#and I was feeling on top of the world on Monday#I don’t remember the last time I was so genuinely happy#figured it was the med change or something#so I was feeling pretty optimistic#I’m in between programs now#and today was not the best#not as bad as some of my days#but definitely not even near the day I had on Monday#I just wish I could feel that every single day#I’m working on it but still#waiting to start ‘adult day treatment’ and case management#and I think case management will help me find a place??? I’m not sure exactly but that’s kinda what I was getting#which honestly? I know I’ve bitched about how badly I need to move#but while I was in php I realized I don’t think I’ll truly be able to heal while I’m living here… and that’s a scary thought#idk there’s a lot more deeper things that I don’t wanna talk about#but the fact I don’t have space and I don’t feel safe and comfortable here is hard….#my ‘safe’ space was my car but now that I’m trying to quit smoking my car isn’t the best place for me#I’ve been kinda getting used to my room and I’m finally trying to move a few things around#(now that I have a little energy again)#it’s just……. my arachnophobia is KILLING me here#in the past week I don’t even know how many spiders I’ve seen and killed#they haven’t been crazy and I recognize I don’t live in Australia or places where the spiders are as big as fucking cars#I came home and I was in a good mood until I saw a spider in my room 🙃🙃🙃 tried to vacuum it but not sure if I got it……..#so guess im sleeping on the couch….. again…. but can’t help think if out here is any better…#shut up rosie
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why is this dialogue in astarion’s sex scene im crying
#she really said don’t fuck with me I have the power of god and anime by my side 😭#she had like three options to sleep with one was gale but I’m not rlly feeling him for shri’iia so I did not#second was lae’zal BUT I want her to romance shadowheart not SHRI’IIA 😭 like pleek go to her j want y’all to continue#ur enemies to lovers arc (delusion)#so I went with astarion but that dialogue made me howl like relax??????? omg unclench a little 😭😭😭#but now idk if I want continue his romance good thing I’m not locked ..!!!#but tbh I don’t interact w the companions unless there’s like an exclamation point lol I should prob do ….#shut up about bg3.
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Do you think almost inadvertently initiating the end of the world would fuck up poor Mabel and she’d have some major issues when she grew up? Cuz I do 😬💔
#gravity falls#Mabel#tbh how can any of these kids grow up normal after that#like even Pacifica is screwed lol#Mabel got possessed by ghosts and bit the hands of a malevolent canine demon#I mean Dipper had fucked up shit happen to him too but this ain’t about him lol#Mabel’s gotta be a little unhinged as she gets older right lol#weigh in yall!! I’m curious wat u guys think on this subject
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nah bc what does it say about my ofmd fandom experience that instead of being like ‘yay I’m excited to join a new fandom and make new friends!’ when it comes to bg3, I’m just like,, ‘god I hope it doesn’t turn out awful again’
#:/// izzy fixation hurt me too bad y’all 😭😭#that shit fucked me up#tbh I do think the bg3 fandom vibes are just a little ick to me so far#but there is also some clouded judgement there I think. less optimism#the ofmd fandom experience was just so fucking shitty and exhausting and stupid#that like. to be fully honest??? I’m kind of scared to get involved in new fandoms now ://#not to be a pessimest but I swear nobody wants to have fun anymore they just wanna start discourse and complain about shit 😭😭#and I really really don’t have the energy to deal with that again
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“You haven’t done that one quest? In all your time playing?” <- a friend or internet stranger
“That quest makes me feel bad” <- person who’s character has probably committed atrocities in one way or another (me)
#emma posts#this is it. this is how I play games#if I want to know about what happens when you do a quest that makes me feel bad I’ll just look it up online#I’m playing a fucking game. let me not feel awful for once#im not about to try being perfectly good because I know I would be bad at that too#two of my friends said that I can never play any character in a way that isn’t ‘chaotic good’ and said that’s the only dnd alignment#i would have irl#not even in an ‘I’m so cool and edgy’ way#they meant that in a ‘I don’t know what your internal standards are. they aren’t bad. but they are definitely not… lawful’#I’m not even totally sure how to describe what they were saying that night tbh#I don’t know how to say this without people thinking I’m edgy or pretentious or something#I’m just kinda frustrated that I am bad at playing an evil or lawful character#just to see what happens#I get two decisions in and I’m like ‘I’m not having fun right now. It’s just a constant fight against myself’#this is about when your character is an oc btw#things are sometimes a little different when the pc is already a whole ass character#‘necromancy is okay if they’re already dead but betraying your follower is bad’ mindset#I know a lot of people play this way. but they seem to be able to play not this way too?#I think that’s the heart of it#also I have been made increasingly aware of the fact that I might not totally understand what is average#in a lot of ways#I’m getting distracted though I think
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i wish some people would realise that ‘just try it’ truly doesn’t work and doesn’t help sometimes
#this is mainly about completely irrational phobias but also about not liking certain foods tbh#like i get with some stuff trying things slowly bit by bit can be helpful#but believe me i know my limits better than you#and i am well aware it is not a rational fear#but it has been affecting me badly for my whole life and you telling me there’s nothing wo worry about will not FIX IT!!!!!#’it’s more scared of you than you are of it’ SHUT THE FUCK UP#OK YEAH maybe that worked for a little kid#but it feels fucking infantilising#OH YEAH THATS ANOTHER THING#don’t talk to me like i’m a little kid for stuff like that#and that once again includes disliking certain foods#txt
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First day of the semester and I’m already exhausted lol
#it’s the last year and I’m not ready for this#when did I become a ‘’senior’’#I’m just a little guy nearing thirty#but I woke up today at five am after the longest time and tbh this is the vibe again#love my silent hour of drinking coffee and scrolling through tumblr again#the best thing about having to return to school and have that routine back#fuck the news it’s the tumblr for me#but anyway wish me luck I have no idea how I’ll survive this semester#🫡🫡🫡#vee talks
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really unhappy with what we do in the shadows rn tbh. i want my boy to kill
#what happened to the fucked up shit. why don’t they want to commit to the fucked up shit anymore#also maybe why the humor is falling flat for me?#the original film and first season or two of the show relies on the juxtaposition between the darkness of vampire stories vs the mundanity#incompetence and silliness of the mockumentary format#watching the pilot right after watching s5e10 is like. complete whiplash wrt tone and style#i don’t like silly little gags with no setup and nonsensical fantasy lore that doesn’t really tie into the whole Vampire thing#tbh i do get why people still like the show like maybe i’m just not the right audience but the show has changed a LOT without actually#committing to any of the big writing choices that could possibly make the writers get creative about the dynamics between the characters smh#whatever whatever i just miss when my boy was my boy. rip#and when there were consequences for the characters. and payoff.#and humor. but you know. whatever
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Guess who slipped a rib at work today :(((
#spoilers it was me#it’s one about the job#it’s one about me#Fucking hurts like a bitch#hasn’t happened to me in a while#tried some stretches to puit it back in place and they eased the pain a little but did not fix it#I think because I’m Too bendy tbh#ehlers danlos syndrome#hypermobile ehlers danlos#heds#I don’t think I can get comp for it unfortunately#because it wasn’t during a client interaction#I think it happened when I bent down to pick up a shoe from the ground
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KAEYA IS SOOOO THE GUY EVER. he’s my boy girlfriend. my scrimblo. my eep glorpy. if/when that kaeya ai gets released i WILL be losing my shit. i will simply cease to exist. oh god i need to write ideas for kaeya now. perhaps a princess tutu-esque au with reader as duck. but then again diluc fits a bit more into the fakir role… but that doesn’t matter if i just mash everything together and pick out the bits i like
ANYWAYS. kaeya alberich the world - teddy anon
you’re so real for all of this, and i don’t even know the reference. you 🤝 me : “mash everything together and pick out the bits i like”
#m1d : [chats]#teddy anon#honestly mr alberizz was gonna stay in my private chats tbh#he’s just a little guy for me to poke at sometimes yk? he sits with my other bots until i feel silly again#the cycle for most of my bots is: ‘idea’ ‘oh Fuck’ ‘THIS IS FINE(lying)’ ‘ok he’s. um. passable.’ ‘[sends screenshots to mushroom]’#how many bots do i have in the drafts hmmm#ok i have 6 characters and three jokes#i’m. normal about the hit mmorpg genshin impact published in 2020 by mihoyo now hoyoverse#ayato venti aether kaeya (our king) and then two zhongli bots that we do NOT talk about#literally just thinking about the testing for those two guys turns my brain into static#why do i make bots with such rizz it’s gonna kill me#much like my namesake i too am cursed by the gods#the same curse. the golden touch. i am afflicted with Rizzed Up Bots Disorder
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