#I’m a great driver but literally so terrified

[livelaughghoul]

Convinced my boss to let me drive the Ferrari.

Catch me on the grid in 2025.

[mattitties]

Boyfriend, pt 2 - matt sturniolo

you guys asked, so i delivered (hopefully)

part 1 here

I left the party last night feeling on top of the world. I recounted everything to my best friend the second Matt had left and she came back to me.

“I came back from the bathroom and saw you guys totally hitting it off, so I just stood back and watched. I thought he was about to bend you over the bar and fuck you right there,” she told me. 

It’s now the next morning and I’m trying to distract myself and not think about the fact that he hasn’t texted me yet. It’s only 10 AM, so I really shouldn’t be worried, but as someone who doesn’t talk to boys literally ever, I am naturally very worried. 

As the hours pass and it’s now 2 PM, I go into my roommate’s room. “Why hasn’t he texted me? Do you think he was just fucking with me? What if I didn’t give him the right number and he’s now texting some other hotter bitch instead of me? What if I was-” I start to ramble before she cuts me off.

“Oh my god, shut up! It’s been like 14 hours, chill out! He’s gonna text you, and if he doesn’t, he doesn’t. We don’t know anything about him, he could be sleeping still or he could be having a busy day. Take a Xanax or something, good gracious,” she tells me, finishing just as my phone vibrates.

I check it absentmindedly, fully expecting it to be my mom or a spam text, but instead I see an unknown number.

Hey it’s Matt, just wanted to see when your free to hang out?

I let out a shriek and show my roommate my screen.

“Fucking told you!” she says excitedly before her face changes. “Oh boy, he’s one of the fuckers who doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re. You gotta fix that.”

“Oh for sure,” I say, starting to type in my phone.

hey :) i’m free tonight or tmr if either of those work

Tonight is good, I can pick you up around 6 and we can get dinner. How does Boa sound?

“Oh my god. He wants to take me to Boa,” I tell my roommate. I’m just about on the verge of vomiting everywhere.

“Oh fuck yeah! Mr. Moneybags over here!” she cheers.

that sounds great!

Sick, whats your addy so I know where to pick up my gf ;)

I give him my address, turn off my phone, and immediately go to my room to take an everything shower and get ready.

I’m finishing up my hair at 5:30 when I get another text: Leaving now, be there in 15 min. I made reservation for 6

I don’t know why I’m so nervous. I was so confident around him last night, but now I feel like a completely different person. I’m terrified I’m gonna be an awkward mess when I get in the car and he’s gonna wonder what happened to the girl he met last night and I won’t even be able to eat I’m so nervous and–

Nope, I’m not worrying anymore. It’s gonna be fine. I triple check everything to make sure I look good, and finally he texts that he’s here.

I grab my bag, go downstairs, and open the front door to our apartment complex, where I’m met with a very familiar face standing next to it. He’s wearing a black short sleeve collared shirt, blue jeans, and a black baseball cap he put on backwards. Man, he looks good as fuck. 

He looks up when he sees me and smiles. “Hi,” he says. “Car’s right there. I was going to come in but then I saw I had to be buzzed into the building and I didn’t know which apartment was yours, so…” It seems that his confidence from last night has lessened quite a bit as well, as now he’s just awkwardly rambling. I find it adorable.

I shake my head and smile. “You’re fine, this is perfect.” I follow his lead to his car, and am surprised when he opens the passenger door for me. “Thank you,” I say as I get in, and he shoots me another quick smile before closing the door and going to the driver’s side. 

“So Boa, huh? You really are trying to show off your YouTube bucks,” I joke.

“Me and my brothers go there a lot, it’s not really that expensive,” he says. 

“Speak for yourself! I was looking at the menu and almost had an aneurysm at the prices!”

He laughs and glances at me. “Well lucky for you, you’re not the one paying, are you?”

We continue our banter for a few minutes before there’s a lull in the conversation. “Do you wanna put some music on? Here’s the aux cord,” he tells me, pulling out a cord.

“Oh,” I say, immediately regretting all my life choices. I am historically NEVER on aux in any situation because my music taste is comprised of Taylor Swift, dad rock, and depressing music. “Um… you may not like my music. We can just play whatever you like.”

He looks at me wearing a tiny frown. “What! You’re the passenger, you get aux. Whatever you play will be fine.”

I sigh dramatically as I plug my phone in and queue Taylor. “Okay, but if you don’t like it, just remember I gave you a chance to say no.” He nods. I watch his face to gauge his reaction as “The Story of Us” starts to play, and I roll my lips into my mouth to hide my laughter when he recognizes the voice. 

“Yayyyy,” he says sarcastically. “I love Taylor Swift…”

The rest of the drive consists of me explaining to him that if he was willing to give her music a try, he would definitely enjoy her music. I was fully expecting him to laugh it off and come back with some smart ass comment about her as nearly every other man does, but he seemed genuinely interested in what I was saying. “You’re right,” he told me. “Maybe we can listen together and you can show me more of her stuff!”

I think I fell in love right there.

When we arrive at Boa, the man nearly eats shit rushing around to open the passenger door for me, and walks slightly ahead of me to get the door for the restaurant. Neither of us have any ounce of the same flirty energy we had last night, but there’s no awkwardness at all. I still can’t believe this is happening. The hottest guy I’ve ever seen, he’s a perfect gentleman, we have so much in common, and he’s actually into me? It seems far too good to be true.

“So,” I say when we get seated, “what exactly made you feel the need to come up to me last night? Did I really look that uncomfortable?”

“Oh, you looked like you were about ready to sink into the floor. I mean, in all honesty, I was kind of eyeing you all night but I didn’t have the courage to come up to you, so I guess I sort of used that as an excuse to do something. Plus saving you from creepy guy and all,” he replies.

“Well, thank you, no matter what your reasoning was.” I look around the restaurant. I feel so out of place, it’s disgusting. I’ve only lived in LA for a couple months, so I still feel like I don’t belong, especially when I end up in the same restaurants that people get papped outside of. But somehow, even in a place like this, I feel oddly safe and at peace with a man that I met not even 24 hours prior. 

I’ve never been much of a great conversationalist; if I’m in a one on one conversation, the other person needs to be a rambler for it to not be awkward. But he’s not a rambler, and we both are just so invested in what the other person is saying that it’s somehow a never ending conversation. We have so much in common – our love for movies, Legos, journaling, us both attempting to get back into reading after going so long without it – I feel like I’ve known him my whole life. It’s so refreshing, and it’s terrifying. I know I’m going to fall for him fast. I may be already, but I can’t be. We just met. 

He pulls me out of my trance by repeating his question. “You ready to go?”

“What? Oh, yeah, sorry. Um, thanks for paying,” I smile as I get up. 

“Of course! What kind of a man would I be if I didn’t pay on our first date?” he jokes. 

“Ohhh, our first date? Does that imply there’ll be a second?” I ask as I get in the car.

“Would you like there to be a second?” 

“I mean I guess…” I smirk at him. We’re both looking at each other, smiling ever so slightly. I want nothing more than to kiss him right now, and I’m 99% sure he wants the same based on the way his eyes are shifting focus from my eyes to my lips. I’m about to lean in when –

“I should get you home.”

Oh. I nod. “Yeah… yeah, probably.” I sit back in my seat.

He turns on the car and Taylor Swift blasts through the speakers. “JESUS–” he yells, turning the volume down as we both start laughing. “I know I said you could show me her stuff but let’s take it down a notch, god damn!”

We don’t talk at all during the drive home, but it’s nice. Just the music in the background, and subtle glances between us every so often. When we pull up in front of my apartment complex, he parks the car and turns it off, then starts to get out.

“You don’t need to get out, it’s okay,” I tell him.

“Well I have to make sure you get into your apartment safe, don’t I?” Again, what a gentleman. I didn’t even think people like him existed anymore. I smile to myself and lead the way, taking him up to the 4th floor and down the hall to my door. “I guess this is where I leave you?” he asks.

“Unfortunately, this is where you leave me.” I’m looking up at him, he’s looking down at me. I can tell he wants to say something, and I hope it’s what I think it is.

He opens his mouth, takes a sharp inhale. “Can I kiss you?”

Bingo. I smile and nod, holding his jaw lightly in my hand. He takes my waist with one hand and the back of my head with the other, and our lips collide softly in a matter of seconds. I haven’t kissed many guys, but they’ve always felt just a little off and I never knew why. But this? This feels right. It’s gentle, but our tongues slip into each other's mouths as the kiss grows deeper. I know I need to stop this here, as much as I don’t want to. I give in for a few more seconds before I pull back. 

“I, um… I need to go inside,” I tell him, completely unable to wipe the smile off my face.

“Okay,” he says, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear. “I’ll text you, because yes, there definitely will be a second date.”

“Good.” I kiss him one last time before I unlock my door. “Goodnight, Matt.”

“Goodnight.”

———————————————————————

i probably won’t do a part 3 because idk how to keep it interesting from here but if you have other fic requests lmk and i’ll do my best 😚

[pastryland]

lestappen completed fic recommendations

If any of the authors of the fics mentioned here or are tagged and don't want their fics to be here, please let me know and I'll remove it!

Will update this list periodically

❤️ = favorite

⭐️ = I love fics by this author in general

❌ = triggering themes

🔥 = explicit

Devils roll their dice (Angels roll their eyes) - 55k - 🔥

It all started with a crash. Well, technically, it started with a blue-eyed boy with blonde hair getting screamed at in a language he couldn’t understand when he was only 12 years old. He remembered looking at the boy, who couldn’t be much older than himself - (two weeks older, to be exact, he’d learn later) - and watching the spark disappear right out of those icy blue eyes. That was the first memory Charles Leclerc had of Max Verstappen: Watching Jos Verstappen, Max’s own father, scream at this 12 year old child with an intensity that turned his face red and made every blood vessel in his neck look dangerously close to bursting. But if anyone ever were to ask Charles when he started to realize that his feelings towards that same Max Verstappen he had known since childhood had begun to change into something else, something bigger, something terrifying he couldn’t - or wouldn’t - quite put his finger on, he would say that it all started with a crash.Because of fucking course it did.--- OR: The slow-burn story of Lestappen that has brought me back from the dead, which starts with Max's crash at Silverstone in 2021.

salad days - 48k - ❤️ 🔥

“You think you are so much better –“ “I know I am,” Max cut him off again. “But that doesn’t mean that I can’t be beat.” “You want me to beat you?” “I want you to fucking try,” Max said, and over the phone, Charles could hear his cocky little grin. Charles found himself grinning back.

half of a heaven - 39k - ❌ 🔥

“Good evening. I’m Charles,” he offers his hand, which Max takes and for a second, Charles thinks he’s going to kiss the back of it. Some muscle spasms in the tight grip, rough velvet against soft skin. When Charles gets his hand back, it feels like he lost a finger or two in the fight. “What’s your poison, Charles?” Max asks, settling on the barstool like it’s not designed to be the most uncomfortable chair in the world. “Cyanide, usually. I’ll settle for a gin tonic for now.” or, Charles is a supermodel that has learned everything he needs to make his world turn. Now, he has no idea what Max Verstappen wants from him.

glitch - 26k - ❤️ ⭐️

Max hums. “Well, at least that means I won’t bump into Charles Leclerc again.” “Bummer, really,” Daniel says, moving back to his own seat and drinking the little bit of coffee that was still in the cup. “Could’ve been the start of a great love story.” Lando snorts. “Kids, it all started when I told your father, who had won two World Driver Championships at that point, that he sucked at driving.” Max sticks his middle finger up at them, and pulls his noise canceling headphones back over his ears. Only two hours left to go, he thinks, wistfully, and goes back to work.

all's well that ends well (to end up with you) - 21k - 🔥

"I was going to propose to him, and now I think he's going to leave me, so yeah, please… tell me how this could possibly get any fucking worse?" Lando gulps. "I uh... might have... misplaced the ring." *** In which it's summer break, and Max has an engagement ring with a gem the color of the Monaco sea locked in a safe in his closet. He wants to propose to Charles, and he enlists Lando, Oscar, Pierre, and a few other drivers to help make the proposal everything Charles deserves. But nothing in Max's life can ever be simple, and as Mission Lestappen Proposal™ unfolds, Max knows Charles is keeping something important from him. Max can survive Lando losing the ring. But he knows he can't survive losing Charles.

Rules of Engagement - 7k - ❤️ ⭐️

“Take me with you then!” Max felt his eyes go wide, his jaw literally dropping at the suggestion. “Tell them I’m like. Say I’m your fiancé, mate.” The heat had melted Charles’s brain, Max decided, staring at him blankly. “No.” He deadpanned. “Mate it’s genius! You won’t have to do anything, just stand there. Let me handle it. Them. The women.”

mr predestined and the flying dutchman - 80k - 🔥

Max Verstappen, an infamous child actor fresh out of rehab, and Hollywood's rising darling, Charles Leclerc, share nothing in common. Therefore, it's a field day for the public when the two are spotted out on a series of dates, days after they have been confirmed to star in blockbusters coming out the same day. It seems surprising that pretty boy Charles would dirty his hands with the complex intensity of Max, after the traumatizing scandal which led to Max being in rehab in the first place – but the press eats up their laughs like honey, and comment on their every single move. Perhaps this is where the ball drops – because Charles and Max are not as in love as they're portrayed to be. In fact, they're not even dating. Red Bull Records has already lost two of their celebrities to the whirlwind that was the infamy of 2019, and Ferrari Entertainment is dying to claim the next big star. What could go wrong in working together to kill two birds with one stone?

Second Time's the Charm - 7k - ⭐️

“Remember when you said you’d set me up with someone? A few months ago, at George’s wedding?” Charles’s voice is still pinched, as if his throat is trying to suffocate him and put him out of his misery. “Maybe you could do that? If the offer is still standing.” Simultaneously: “How did you know you liked guys?” Max’s tone is flat, as it usually is when he tries to come off as entirely disinterested, but Lando knows his tricks. He shoots upright, looking down at Max with wide eyes before exclaiming, arguably, one of the worst possible responses: “Oh my god, Max, are you fucking gay?” Or: Charles and Max don't know how to date; Alex and Lando try their best to make it happen.

[theshiftingwitch]

"How would I go about manifesting I never had my driving anxiety? You see I got my driver’s license at 16 but haven’t drove in a year. I know how to drive I’m just terrified and my family be clowning me for it (with love though😂😒) I just want to be able to shop and manifest my dream car but I can’t do that until I get rid of this “anxiety”that won’t let me be great🤣"

This is the first time I answer a submission so forgive me if it's the wrong format 😂

You can always revise the past. Simply choose to believe that you have been driving ever since you got your license. You're an amazing driver and everyone says so all the time. You are free of anxiety and stress and every time you drive it's the most amazing experience ever. You love driving so much it's literally your favorite thing in the world!

Keep telling yourself that story. Visualize all the times you've driven your car and how awesome it was! Affirm that it's always been like that and that with your new car coming, it'll get even better! Keep persisting in those new thoughts until they become your reality.

Happy manifesting ❤️

[discotitsposts]

true genius-

my actual favorite episode ever ever ever I’m SO INSANE FOR THIS EPIDODE

this is like the first one o watched on my own ITS SO GOOD

reid centered so yayy

this is how i fell in love w him

spoilers ahead

YAYYYYY NOSTALGIA!!!!!!!

lol typical making out in a car

DID I MENTION THISBIS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE EPISODE

FINN WITTROCK IS IN THIS TOO

the zodiac killer case is so interesting like wym dude never got caught

A FETISH FOR TREES

POOR BABY IS SO NERVOUS

ITS HIS BJRTBDAY IN THIS EP TOO

the cOUGHING

“yes a fetish for trees” HES SO AWKWARD I LOVE YOU REID

no he LEAVES NOOO

lol this guy runs a company

The way if reid was at a conference i’d run and be listening to every word

awww reid’s sad :(

rossi lol “no way” yes way

this is so interesting like how did bro get the original artifacts from the real case (i know how he did it)

reid reid reid!!!!

imagine if spencer knew how many people love him and write fanfic about him LMAO

he’d be a little terrified let’s be honest

but just a little

UGH EVERYONES SO HOT

“three can keep a secret if two are dead” i thought this was criminal minds not pretty little liars

i can’t even tell you how many times i’ve seen this episode

like this is MY episode i claim this one lol

CHESS YOUNKNOW WHO ELSE LIKES CHESS

SPENCER

bros playing chess on break

SPENCERRRRRR

lol enlightening

he wants the printed out version of the paper 💞💞

the way spencer just knew this wasn’t the real zodiac killer is why i was like this guys great 💞💞💞 my heart

AHHHHHHAHEJDJWBEWJWIROSOWBDBEKENFNF

IM SO EXCITED TI BE WATCHING THIS ONE

it’s so funny because i’ll be watching this show and this is my view

the barbie’s r like wtf

THIS GUY LYING ABOUT HIS COUISN

lol reid ended this guy

LOL

LUCKILY I GUESS ITS NOT YOUR COUSIN AHAHAH ATE

FINN WITTROCK💞💞

LOL his presentation

“your soulmate is standing before you now” is he talking about the lady or himself

i remember originally watching this because finn wittrock but fell for spencer/matthew instead lol

i like this detective from the local pd

“where do people find the time” lol reid

dr spencer reid i love your mind

“youre not as smart as you think you are” 😫😫😫💞💞💞SIR IM STUPID FOR YOU 💞💞💞

REID IN PURPLEEEEEE

OMG HES STANDING IN THE SUNLUGHT

y’all have to see this

UGHHHH💞🕳️🕳️🕳️💞💞💞

profile!!

REID AT THE COFFE SHOP STOEOEJDWH

dude has a detective board

lol he thinks she wants to call off the wedding

bro she doesn’t want you

REID NO YOUVE PASSED EXPECTSTIONS YOURE PERFECT I LOVE YOU

“How old are you 29,”

“I’m 30” NOOOOOOOOOOO

nikola tesla my beloved

emily lol

doesn’t he accidentally see a pattern lol dudes so smart

emily’s little smile lol

for he

god he’s so smart

the problem is i think i could understand the code and idk my iq but it’s prob not 160 or above

how do u even calculate that shit

reid’s face is perfect

the taxi driver, didn’t he kidnap the best friends wife from the back of the cab

i don’t think i made this very clear but this is my favorite episode EVER

i’m gonna fucking bite spencer if he keeps being so adorable

finn ain’t no angel in this

vegas!! matthew’s hometown

REID IN THE BACKGROUND

heTALKSK SO FAST I LOVENIT SM

mY leg itcjes

i also would like to catch the zodiac

REID ON THE FHAIR

staring at nothing

HAHAH

best friend activities

REIDS HANDS MOVE SO FAST

i need him now

aDmiT iT yOure HaVing FuUuN

i literally can’t get cozy

A CHESS SWUARE

listening to him💞 💋

no matches

doesn’t he plant a piece of evidence

yep

they found him

o love when reid comes up behind him

bro kidnapped his future wife

UEAH THEY KILLED SOMEONE OMG

it’s spencer reid’s world we’re just living in it

bro said “sanctimonious” wtf does that mean

“not really” 💞💞💞💞💞

the vest 😫😫💞💞

i don’t think harvey here is going to shanghai anymore he going to jail

SULPHURIC ACID dude that’s insane

LOL REID “i’m sure he’ll send you a postcard”

AWWW REID AND HIS COFFEE

THE BIRTHDAY PARTY

spencer reid you’ve made the biggest difference in my life 💘💘💘

AWWWWWW HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPENCER

lol morgan the way he’s in his 40s now😭

awww him blowing out the candles he looks so happy

the end

MY FAVORITE EPISODE MWAH MY BELOVED 💋💋💋💋

[jamminvroomvroom]

osc - 4 :)

vampire - olivia rodrigo

op81 x reader

girl this is gonna be angsty i-

i’m so sorry girlie this is so bad i speedran it and don’t think there is an actual plot lmao

oscar knew you were no good for him.

he knew it from the get go, the way you picked him up and put him down when you felt like it, the way your eyes sparkled one second, and glimmered with mischief the next.

2022 had been a relatively boring year for oscar, well, aside from nearly being sued and starting the great australian civil war. there’d been no racing, no jeopardy, no title to fight for. it had gotten too quiet, too… nothing. and then, just like that, there you were.

oscar usually played it safe. he liked his girls wholesome, monogamous. it didn’t seem like too much to ask for, and he wasn’t particularly fussy, he was a racing driver, after all. you were anything but safe. you were terrifying, a loose cannon, a wild child with no rules and zero regard for responsibility. you didn’t care about his image, you didn’t care about being a linen wearing, hermés sandal wearing wag, and you definitely didn’t care about formula 1. fuck, he wondered most of the time whether you cared about him.

it started off… nice. it felt good, you made everything feel good. reckless. he didn’t know how to be reckless before you. it was like a breath of fresh air, until it wasn’t. he got attached, and you absolutely did not, days passing without so much as a word to him, calls ignored, drunk texts unanswered. and yet, every time he mustered the strength to blank you as hard as you blanked him, you reappeared. it was torture, cat and mouse. it went on and on, on and on.

eventually, your delicious poison seeped into his career. he’d started showing up at the track exhausted, the bags under his eyes heavier than the ones in his hands, late nights spent trying to console you or find you or, god, just fucking talk to you. he was snappy, sunken into himself, and it showed. he couldn’t let it go on.

“oscar, i think i love you.” toxic. delusion.

you’d showed up in italy, right before monza, crying in his hotel room about quite literally nothing.

“i don’t think you love anyone.” he scoffed. it was harsh coming out of his mouth, his usual monotonous tone warped with fury. “i don’t even think you have a fucking heart.”

it was a pretty fucking solid point. your manipulation had gone too far, your hold on him too unbearable.

you only showed up in the shadows, never caring about him in the daylight when you couldn’t take what you wanted. typical bloodsucker, classic example. oscar had been smart up until now, managing his every emotion but he was done with you bleeding him dry.

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

You there, person with outrageous driving habits.

Give us your Stardew Valley driving headcanons for whoever you want tbh.

WHICH ONE OF YOU SENT THIS LMAO

okay uhhh i was gonna do all the characters but i’m tired and want to go back to fishing so here, have just the bachelors and bachelorettes

ALEX: you’d expect him to be kinda reckless, but he drives like an old person (gee, i wonder why?). his mom was a reckless driver so sometimes he thinks about driving with a bit more chutzpah, but then granny evelyn’s scowl pops back in his head and he slows down hehehehe

ELLIOT: passenger prince, cannot drive for shit. backseat drives like he can, though. if you put me in a car with him i’d drive myself off a fucking cliff

HARVEY: you’d think he’d be a good driver, right? WRONG! he overchecks his mirrors for the first 10 minutes and then proceeds to forget they exist whenever he should be checking his mirrors. signals for lanes that split organically (you can get away with not signalling for these) but then can’t merge for shit. absolute disaster. when there’s people behind him he does the speed limit but then if it’s open road he’ll do 30 over by accident. absolute menace, do not drive with him

SAM: surprisingly good driver! he just plays his music too loud and will maybe spend too much time looking over at his passengers. has never used his turn signal. irrational fear of roundabouts

SEBASTIAN: anxious driver, prefers to be a navigator and passenger prince. he is the only member of ASS with a full licence though so on the off-chance they do a roadtrip, he has to drive, and is absolutely terrified. sam and abigail call him a party pooper for being too serious and telling them to shut up when he gets on the highway because it scares him, but he means well. (NOTE: you said driving, not riding. he is fearless on his motorcycle but you put him in a honda civic and he starts whimpering)

SHANE: the best driver out of all the bachelors. actually knows what he’s doing, as he had to drive regularly before he moved back with marnie. the “roadtrip” when he and jas came to pelican town is a core memory for her, as he still uses a casette player for his music. she got to pick all the tapes for them to sing along to :3

—

ABIGAIL: dare i say the worst driver on this list? she talks too much, knows none of the road rules, and can’t even get her G1/learner’s permit because she genuinely couldn’t care less. pierre tried to teach her so many times before giving up

EMILY: is surprisingly good at driving. the most average driver there is, sure, but compared to literally almost everyone else she’s fantastic.

HALEY: two words for you— ROAD RAGE. all her elegant composure dies behind a wheel, she is tailgaiting while everyone is already doing 30 over because you either pull over and get the fuck out of her way or prepare to be rearended. she drifts every fucking turn and is one of the only characters who can drive stick

LEAH: embarrassed that she can’t drive and pretends she can. kel actually taught her, but she doesn’t have a license. the few times she has driven, her motto was “i can’t get caught unless i get caught, so just avoid cops at all cost”

MARU: she’s very alex-coded but isn’t as much of a stickler for the rules (read as: she knows where all the speedtraps are and times every set of lights perfectly to know when to gun it past a yellow lmao)

PENNY: you might be expecting me to say she’s a nervous driver but she’s actually probably the most calm behind a wheel. she knows a lot about car repairs and has the bus manual memorized so she’s great at driving and basic mechanics! pam jokes that she has a nerdy pitcrew to always lend her a hand with a bus which penny finds embarrassing, yet endearing.

[child0feden]

POKER CHIPS AND CARS THAT GO VROOM

fernando alonso x pro poker player! wife! reader

faceclaim: assorted but mainly jennifer tilly

୨୧ woah woah woah what do we have here? my first fanfic / smau EVER? holy moly… yeah i’m terrified of posting this, it’s pretty bad and short but whatever… i don’t actually have any social media aside from tumblr and reddit because i’m a social hermit so if any of the driver username’s are wrong i’m sorry <3 i don’t know if this’ll be a one time thing or not, we’ll just have to see, i’m not super confident in it so y’know

reading music recommendations: poker face by lady gaga - money honey by lady gaga

ynlnspokerchip: 17 years ago these pictures of yn and fernando dropped, the world changed, they altered the air…

nandoynforever: they were my bi awakening, i think 😩

> steponmeyn: literally, i remember having the second pic in my locker as a teen, i was not fooling anyone lmao

oldf1lover: gnawing on the bars of my cage 😵‍💫

ynalonsoln ✔️: wow! what a throwback… i feel very old now, i loved that coat! my husband was looking very handsome too, though i prefer how he looks now - yn ln ❤️

> oldf1lover: she’s so real, she loves her man even more as an older man

obsessedwithf1: you’re so wrong for posting these when i was trying to beat my obsession with them…

> ynlnspokerchip: girl… let’s be honest, no one will ever beat it, once you’ve got it, you’ve got it for life

loveuyn: i just need to know how a m*n that drives in circles managed to marry MY wife 💔

nandoynforever: watching poker for poker? nu uh! watching poker for yn ln? yu uh! that’s my wife right there

obsessedwithf1: the delusion is strong here, let’s not act like any sane person in the world wouldn’t jump at the chance to get into bed with both of them 😭

> ilovef1: so real… they’re both a decade older than me but one night is all i ask for… yn, fernando if you see this just give me one night

> ynalonsoln ✔️: i see you my love… but unfortunately those days are behind us, lots of love - yn ln ❤️

> watchpokerforyn: yn signing off her social media posts and comments like a letter will never not be funny to me

> nandolover: that’s all you’re taking from that response? girlie just insinuated they used to be a wild couple… jesus christ i love them

❤️ liked by ynalonsoln

ynalonsoln ✔️: i can assure you he does much more than drive in circles! his gorgeous looks (and other talents) definitely don’t hurt either - yn ln ❤️

> fernandoalonso ✔️: thank you for defending my honour my love, i will thank you more when i get home 😉

> ilovef1: oh my god, someone come get the parents, they’re being horny on main AGAIN…

> lancestroll ✔️: you think this is bad? you haven’t seen how they act in the paddock… we need to spray them with water 😭

vogue: poker icon yn alonso ln talks having a f1 driver as a husband, how she began playing poker and lots more in this issue of vogue ♣️

ilovef1: she looks SO good omg…

ynalonsoln ✔️: thank you for having me! it was an honour and a lot of fun talking with you and i hope everyone enjoys reading - yn ln ❤️

fernandoalonso ✔️: my beautiful wife ❤️ i’m so proud of how far you’ve come, i could never get tired of admiring your beauty, inside and out

> ynalonsoln ✔️: love you so much nando ❤️

> lancestroll ✔️: grid parents being lovey dovey on social media again…

> fernandoalonso ✔️: best get used to it kid, i’ll never stop being loud about my love for her

> nandolover: when will it be MY turn?

watchpokerforyn: mommy? sorry! mommy? sorry!

lewishamilton ✔️: looking good yn! great interview ❤️

> ynalonsoln ✔️: thank you lew ❤️

fernandoalonso: happy birthday to my beautiful, talented, gorgeous, incredible, one of a kind wife ❤️ i can get as many podiums possible but nothing will ever come close to how i feel when i’m with you. these past years i’ve spent with you have been the best years of my life and i look forward to the years to come, you only get more beautiful to me as the days go by! ps. sorry for burning your toast

ynalonsoln ✔️: oh my love… your words are beautiful! i think i somehow just fell even more in love with you ❤️ breakfast was incredible, even the toast, now come back to bed so that i can show you my appreciation

> lancestroll ✔️: there are CHILDREN (me) on this app… happy birthday yn, see you soon

> ynalonsoln ✔️: not my problem! but thank you lots lance, can’t wait to see you - yn ln ❤️

watchpokerforyn: the breakfast in bed picture… oh my god… she looks so fuckin GOOD 😩

lewishamilton ✔️: happy birthday yn! looking beautiful as always

❤️ liked by ynalonsoln and fernandoalonso

loveyouyn: happy birthday to OUR wife 😔

sebastianvettel ✔️: happy birthday yn! have a good one, come visit soon - sebastian

> ynalonsoln ✔️: thank you seb! i’ll come visit you and the girls soon - yn ln ❤️

nandolover: happy birthday motherrr

[chloemarievaughan]

May 4

Today we had another bus tour booked, this time, to the Isle of Skye! One of the things I was looking forward to the most about this trip. Skye is not very easily accessible, especially without a car; I considered staying on the island but there isn’t much public transportation and so again a bus tour was the best option! It is not really very close to Inverness making it a 12 hour round trip bus trip to get there. Again, thoroughly justifying my decision not to drive in Scotland because the roads were terrifying, one lane mountain roads with two way traffic covered in potholes with our bus driver flying through with ease.

Our bus driver (larger tour this time, about 30 people and a bus rather than a van) was not Scottish, he was from Lancashire and had an accent reminiscent of the Starks from Game of Thrones or Jamie Tartt from Ted Lasso. He was a grumpy old man but full of facts about the places we were passing. I thought yesterday’s drive was beautiful but I was blown away by the majestic scenery we passed today! (Grey and I each took over 400 pictures of the day! The most scenic day of my life! It was again hard to actually take photos that did the scenery justice; once I noticed something picture worthy immediately we went behind a tree blocking the view, or another car, etc. so I did end up deleting quite a few photos 😂) Grey and I started sitting together but the seats directly across the aisle were empty and so he bumped across the way, which worked out well because usually one of us had a better angle for photos than the other, one side usually being up the mountain and the other down the mountain. we had a brief morning stop to take a ~20 minute hike to a waterfall and another brief stop where I had a delicious raspberry jam and coconut cake and ginger tea with an incredible view of the farmland hills. Yesterday I dressed too warmly; today I may have gone a bit farther the other way and been not quite warm enough, but I would way rather be cold than hot! I warmed up plenty when walking around. there is a very annoying woman on the tour who has been talking non stop to the bus driver for hours of the day. She is the only person who answers when the tour guide asks a question and the grumpy tour guide driver also seems to be very annoyed by her. At breakfast she was loudly chatting with a Scottish couple who lived locally and complaining about the low level of education in the US and how most people where she lives in Las Vegas don’t have bachelors degrees. I’m not sure how likely it is that the sheep farmers she was complaining to have bachelors degrees… but also why spend time complaining about this when you could be talking to the lovely local Scottish couple about literally any other topic lolol.

we stopped at a scenic overlook in the mountains of one of the lochs, which was scenic but was not actually a great place to take a picture because the trees next to the overlook were way too tall!

I learned that loch sometimes means lake but more accurately means body of water- something like 20 % of the lochs are fed by the ocean and aren’t a proper lake. Other things I learned as fun facts from the driver: the isle of Skye, our destination, was expecting 300 million dollars of tourism in 2024. It’s may 4th and they have already surpassed that! He told us about the history of developing the roads and trains through the wilderness of the highlands, including the bridge to Skye. They used to only have a ferry able to take two cars at a time across the water, and then would up with a bridge charging crazy tolls that had to be purchased by the government due to all the protests of the tolls.

Every single bend we went around on the road to Skye and then on Skye and on the way home from Skye was more scenic and picture worthy than the last! It was magical! We went to lunch at Portree which is the biggest town on Skye, overlooking a harbor with colorful houses and filled with touristy shops and restaurants. then we went to hike the Fairy Pools- which has surpassed my previous favorite hike I did in Colorado last summer while visiting Grey as the best hike I’ve ever done! We had 1.5 hours to hike a 3 mile out and back that was down a mountain, up a mountain, back down the mountain, and back up the mountain, all following along a winding mountain river with rock fixtures and waterfalls and plenty of mountainous photo opportunities to boot. One of us had an easier time on this hike than the other; let’s say the one who lives in Denver at a mile elevation and regularly climbs mountains had an easier hike than the one with the sinus infection lol. So I powerwalked on the out part of the hike, planning to go slower on the way back, taking in the view. It was a bit difficult to tell when to stop hiking, but I made it to a waterfall that is the picture when you google “fairy pools” so I figured, good enough! Grey made it much farther but just decided when to turn around based on timing. The trail continued on but was less and less maintained and more and more rocky. We headed back, and I felt like I was dyingI on the last little climb back up the mountain and had to keep stopping very out of breath to enjoy the scenery and recover. Made it back to the top with 9 minutes to spare and enjoyed looking back on the whole hike!

We then stopped at a memorial for the two Scottish men who did most of the surveying and mapping of the mountains on Skye. They have a statue of themselves gazing upward, forever facing the beautiful mountains they once explored. Next to their memorial was a restaurant where Grey and I enjoyed some more whisky- grey asked for the “peatiest scotch they had” and I had a whisky distilled on Skye, a Talisker 10 year. It started to sprinkle just a little bit on the way back, so I couldn’t take pictures for a while out the window but still was able to soak in the view. Last stop of the day was a picture stop at Eilean Donan castle, which juts out on a loch with a great view. It is sort of the ruins of a castle and looks how I would imagine Hogwarts is supposed to look to muggles 😂😂

the last bit we wound down the mountain past more incredibly beautiful mountains and back to Inverness past Loch Ness- we are going back to Loch Ness tomorrow. We had dinner at a random restaurant taking reservations (it is a bank holiday this weekend so people don’t work Monday, and the restaurants are pretty full) it was okay but we were both exhausted so ate super quickly to make it back to the air bnb to pass out!

[dragoonhooman]

Do you guys think William and Dakota call Tide at the exact same time every night except in different locations?

Maybe William is at the driver’s seat, feet propped up against the wheel and the blue light of the phone against his face and maybe Dakota is on the roof of the Winnebago, hugging his legs close to his chest and setting his phone on the space beside him, the ringtone spiralling up, up, up into the sky, perhaps even very faintly meeting the moon.

And the phone rings. And rings. And rings. And rings. And—

“Hello! This is Tide, if you’re hearing this message then I’m probably busy cooking beef stroganoff or forgot to charge my phone again. Anyways, please leave a message after the—“

[Beep]

And they both talk, about similar yet different topics. About chaos demons and cartoon dreams and new maybe-friends and accidentally freeing all the animals in the zoo and…

“Hi Tide.” William starts, low and soft as not to wake up the sleeping half-elf in the back. “I don’t know if you’re ever seeing these messages but uh—its been a couple days since I last checked in so I might as well sum up what we’ve been doing, right? So we met this lady—“

“—Her name was Minerva.” Dakota explains, lying down on the roof. I called her ‘On my nerves Minerva’ though, cause she was super mean and super SUS. But she let us go to Vyncent’s world though. Like his home dimension. And—It’s so SICK there—no pun intended cause it was all kinda dead there but like we also got all rpg, video game-lookin outfits and things. William looked like a wizard and made zombies just disappear and—“

“—We also met Vyncent’s mom. She was pretty cool, though apparently rats were a delicacy there? Like its not just a Vynce thing literally everyone did it. Steamed rats, boiled rats, raw rats. Oh by the way, we got the Greats out of Vyncent’s head there. As in all of them, Alphonse, Ram, Min, Chungus. We left them in the fantasy world, in their home, so Vynce can’t access his power anymore but—“

“—Now he has this sick as hell sword bro! Like it can glow and has a bit of the Greats’ powers in there too! Its so cool, man. I wish you could’ve seen it. After that we went to go and kill the Lich! He’s like the Overlord of that world! He—“

“—Was already dead. All the Lich did was use living things and kill them to fuel himself. It was a power source for him, and he was planning to invade Prime. Imagine if he did—Well he kinda did actually. Not like what you might’ve been thinking though. He got brought here, and we followed him so uh—that’s how we got back. We fought him some more, chasing him down into a play theatre. Did you know Hamilton was playing there? I saw Lin Manuel Miranda! I wanted to get an autograph after but well—“

“—We met these other heroes. Lightspeed and Wordsmith and Bookworm. Lightspeed was pretty cool, she helped me get my save back after Will and Vyncent literally DELETED IT. But then I almost got to kill the Lich and they STOPPED ME. Told us the Lich should get a trial or whatever then they’ll put him in jail. I don’t—“

“—Get it. The Lich came from an entirely different dimension! It literally killed things to keep itself alive and destroyed Vyncent’s world and they’re going to put it in jail?! Like that would ever work—It—It’s stupid. Just—I miss you, Tide. I miss your terrifying school alarms and your funny apron and all the beef stroganoff you somehow cooked even though we made sure we hid them all. I wish you’d answer me. I’m just—I’m just scared. I’m—“

“—Confused. Heroes are supposed to keep people safe and without killing them, right? But—I want to kill the Lich so bad. He sucks and he should be gone so he can’t hurt anyone else but—Wordsmith and Lightspeed say I won’t be a actual hero if I do that. But I am a hero, right? I don’t really know anymore. Wish you were here…dad.”

Then both, at the same time:

“Love you.”

And the message would end. And the phone would be clicked shut.

And the world became quiet again.

[corvase]

you’ve heard of meet cutes, now time for meet-not-so-cutes

there’s definitely a name for this i just don’t have a clue hahaha

!! some of these are graphic/descriptive and involve accidental violence (like accidentally pushing someone or stepping on their shoe or running into them)

reader discretion is advised !

i was on a call in the store and you thought i was talking to you when i was just yelling at my younger brother because he flushed my pet fish down the toilet so now you think i’ve just called you a blithering idiot haha hey don’t walk away i need to clarify

bonus if they meet somewhere and are forced to interact later (i.e high school, uni, work)

you’re best friends with my crush and apparently my crush liked me too but you decide to tease them and call them out on it in front of literally everyone so now they will probably never ask me out so thanks i guess lol.

Ahem............ “try help me get together with my crush while we fall in love unknowingly trope?” 🤔

hey you’re actually really cu— okay. why are you glaring at me...?

some jerk took my parking spot this morning after nearly crashing into me and i am so pissed off but also i’m moving into a new apartment and oh. i live next door to the parking-spot-thief amazing.

one character can overhear the other making a rude or misjudged comment (the simple misunderstanding)

we are both prosecutors defending/representing opposing people in a case, i know for a fact the person you’re defending is guilty yet you won the case so i genuinely hate you and oh great you’re switching to my firm

i am deathly afraid of dogs and you just ??? let your dog off the leash and let it come towards me and.... it bit me. thanks for two mental breakdowns, lifelong trauma, and literal therapy (i personally would not be able to forgive someone who did this but do have fun creating a reality which someone would)

you literally ran me over with a car. i am now in the hospital and you felt so bad you decided to not only offer to buy me a new car but offer me a flatshare because you got talking to my friend who was here when i was asleep and you know i am currently homeless and ur also looking for a roomie! so. thanks, i guess

hey we’ve never met but ur proposing to me rn.... oh, i’m the wrong person! Oh, my bad, sorry. oh my God your s/o saw that LOL awkward. no, i’ve never met them before, they were looking for you haha. carry on

can meet each other a year later or something and person a thinks b is married but eeh their bf/gf turned them down so they’ve been single for a while.... now for forced proximity 😁

you pushed me into the pool and i cannot swim / am terrified of the water. we ran into each other on campus and you tried talking to me but um, i’m still mentally scarred, so kindly leave me alone!

we ran into each other and books flew and you accidentally..... ripped a fingernail off.

you talked to me really rude just now and told me it was because you thought i was your driver........ because that’s supposed to make it better..................?

added just now because i can’t stop laughing: so my mom had my photo as her dating profile picture and forgot to add that she is 57 years old and you sent her a heart thinking it was me and flirted with my mom a little until she picked up on it and let you know that no, she is not the college student in her profile picture but would u like to meet her?

somehow we meet and you’re really embarrassed because you used like thirty pickup lines on my mother but honestly it’s more funny than anything

[roonilwazlibimagines]

What are some of your scenarios to fall asleep to? 👀

Ahhhh I’m glad you asked !! Also please feel free to share some of yours they can be specific or vague idc I’m in desperate need

I will be going into heavy detail because I can’t help myself I’m sorry and I will put in both normal ones and Harry Potter ones

Also this is just like one big ramble I’m sorry I got too excited I literally turned into that Tik tok sound where it’s like ‘you’re asking me about my theories? I’ve waited years for someone to ask me about my theories’

Update - I think I’m just going to keep updating this as well when I think of new ones because I keep forgetting some

My most recent one is a royalty one where they’re like royalty but in their really prestigious and royal school they were academic rivals and did not get along and after school they like try to go their separate ways until a couple years later their parents force them into an arranged marriage for like the good of the country or whatever I don’t really care!! You can take it wherever you want from there but in case you were interested in mine he fell for her first and kinda gave up on the enemies thing pretty early on but she still made it clear he wasn’t her favourite person and she despised the situation and there is still constant teasing until she meets his sister or friend or whoever who says that they can’t believe how happy he is with them and she feels so bad because she thinks he deserves better and ends up being much meaner to him because she’s an idiot who can’t express her emotions and he gets angry at her because she’s being super mean after they were just starting to get along and they have a big argument and are forced to talk about their feelings and then I can never decide whether they actually like each other when they get married, I feel like either way is fun

I have a thing for royalty so my other one is literally just princess x stable boy and you can honestly take that wherever you want but I will tell you where I took it for some ✨inspiration✨ so I don’t have my drivers license and get really bad driving anxiety so I self projected and made her terrified of riding horses right (I’m so smart I know) and he is like trying to help her ride the horse and feel comfortable and like obviously they end up in love but I created drama because she sneaks out to his birthday party (!!) but his friends don’t like her because they just think she’ll be a snob but he obviously defends her but like it’s a perfect opportunity for a bit of an innocent princess as well

My personal favourite is the two co stars falling in love and like thinking about doing all those stupid interviews from like buzzfeed and all that and I personally love the trying foods from different places thing (like making them try fairy bread - because I’m from Australia and we aren’t that cultured and being mad when they don’t like it because it is my favourite food) and it’s great because i can make the guy any actor I am currently obsessed with 😭 but also like the red carpet opportunities and interviews and fan reactions and it’s very fun also this keeps my brain very busy because I like making it as realistic as possible and figuring out the actors timeline so I can match the story up with it, it’s always really intense, also if you want inspiration for what moving they’re staring in I always go for the live action version of tangled even if I don’t look anything like rapunzel

Another fun one is where one of them is in a band and you have a friend who is dating one of the other members but you don’t like the band and you’re not shy in letting the other members know that and it turns into an enemies to lovers thing but I haven’t really developed it because halfway through I ended up changing it with the fact that they befriend one of the members and like fall for them but the band member like ‘gets around’ and it makes them jealous until they drunkingly confess it made them jealous this one’s a bit of a mess and is tipping into a 2012 wattpad story but it was how I got back into my 5sos phase two years ago because I felt icky about them but I’m still a slut for Calum 😭

Another one I love is moving abroad to study or whatever (idk I just always need a reason to be in America/Uk because there’s no one here in australia) and you make friends with someone who turns out to be related to someone really famous (insert whoever you want) and you meet them and you think they’re the hottest person you’ve ever seen and you get drunk to gain confidence to talk to them and you’re like unashamedly flirting with them and they think it’s cute and you’re funny but the whole little plot twist is that you don’t know they’re famous (famous people love that, trust me, I have about 10 wattpad stories in my library that can prove this) !! And the don’t believe you don’t know they’re famous !! Anyways I took it in a sugar daddy direction but each to their own!

Specifically for Harry Potter though, you ask?

Currently I am obsessed with Regulus Black and for about the past two weeks I’ve been obsessed with the idea of James potter sibling x regulus black enemies to lovers story and then about a week ago I found an actually good wattpad story about it?!?! (I have recommended it here with warnings but I really encourage you to read it if you’re not a minor) but you can also do your own version because I am still doing my own version and will continue to do my own version tonight even if I am obsessed with the wattpad one !! Currently I am up to post Hogwarts and her and regulus are trying to defeat Voldemort and regulus tells her that Peter is going to betray James and so ofc she tells James but James is like ‘how to do you even know this??’ And he is so afraid and gets angry at her and it’s really dramatic and she tells him she’s dating regulus and then he gets super mad at her because she’s dating like one of the most well known and loyal death eaters (even if regulus is sneakily trying to destroy Voldemort) and because he didn’t tell her and it’s very dramatic

My favourite Sirius black idea is also a James potters sibling one, but I never have any good ideas for it and just end up self projecting so if anyone has any ideas, I am begging you, please tell me !!!

My other Sirius black one is one I’ve been working on for like the last 4 years of my life and I probably should write it but who knows, but basically it’s a 10 things I hate about you x Harry Potter story where reader is about a year or so older than the marauders and she is like Kat Stratford (for people who haven’t watched it the best way to describe her is just an angry early 2000s feminist who is like anti dating and fun (kinda)) but she is Lily Evans sister!! And so Lily gets fed up of James constantly asking her out and makes an offhand comment that she’ll date him when her sister goes on a date with someone and James is like really?!? And Lily is like ‘sure’ because she knows her sister will never date anyone at Hogwarts so James tells the marauders and Remus is like ‘if anyone can take her on a date, it’s Sirius’ and Sirius is like ‘no, I’m stupid but not that stupid’ and James is like ‘please I’ll pay you’ and Sirius is easily bribed so he tries to get her to go on a date with him and like she doesn’t until she does and then finds out he only did it because James paid him but then they fall in love? Basically just 10 things I hate about you lol

My next one is with Draco Malfoy and all it is is that reader comes from a pure blood family and they’ve known each other since they were babies and it’s like basically destined they get married but she gets like really upset when he gets the mark which makes for a good cuddling and crying scene and like idk people are probably more creative than me but I just like reimagining scenes from hp but with this new character so like Poa when she gets angry at him about buckbeak or the bathroom scene (maybe she duels Harry?) and she’s so upset about Draco and comforts him, or helping him in sixth year and comforting him or the quidditch scene in the fifth book (weird note, but I’ve always headcannoned that my original character finds out about dumbledores army but doesn’t say anything and like the da knows she knows but she doesn’t tell Draco or maybe Draco finds out and gets angry at her?)

My other one is another Draco malfoy one where James and Lily live and she’s Harry’s younger sister (and Voldemort isn’t a thing) but like there’s still stereotypes and beliefs and such and like it’s obviously enemies to lovers and maybe they get prefect duties together ? (I am a sucker for this trope in Harry Potter) but then when they do date they try to hide it but Harry finds out but doesn’t say anything until they get into a fight at home and he is like ‘well at least I’m not fucking Draco malfoy behind everyone’s back) (in my head they aren’t fucking because they’re still in Hogwarts but you get the idea) and James and Lily are just like ‘WHAT?!’ Like idk I just think it’s funny imagining James and Lily finding out their kid is dating Draco and Lucius and narcissus finding out Draco is dating a potter - so many possibilities!

Update 6.10.21

I also have one for Charlie Weasley !! And basically you’re friends with the twins and like you go your whole Hogwarts life with the biggest crush on Charlie but like he low key doesn’t even know who you are and you want to become a healer and then after Hogwarts there is a position in Romania and you take it because you know Charlie’s there and at first he is like hmmm I think I know you and you explain you’re friends with the twins and obviously he falls in love with you I also took it in a nsfw direction where it’s like major innocence kink because Charlie is just such a dom to me and he like teaches you everything but he makes sure you’re happy and safe and it’s not really like serious sex you’re both just having fun and he kinda introduces you to dom/sub dynamics but you can do whatever is most comfortable

[lothirielswandc]

I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM (Starring John Constantine's Impeccable Parenting skills)

*This is a one-shot special for 3k views; it can be read regardless of where you are in the story*

— TWO YEARS AGO —

— LONDON —

“This is so stupid.”

“Oi! I’m not enjoying myself, either. I could be doing a lot more interesting things on a Saturday afternoon.”

“Yeah, I’m sure liver failure is a big commitment.”

“Okay,” Zatanna scooted forward, leaning between Raven and Constantine from the back seat. Raven’s knuckles were white as she gripped the steering wheel. When she glanced in the rearview mirror, she saw Etrigan calmly lick his thumb and turn the page on his copy of People Magazine.

“You’re a bloody seventeen year-old. How do you not know how to drive?” Constantine complained, turning in shotgun to give Raven a judgemental look.

She gritted her teeth. She did not like being in such close confines with him. His comments were getting on her nerves. And he smelled. The sharp aroma of liquor mixed with stale vomit. “I’ve been busy.”

“Like you’re one to judge, John.” Zatanna quipped, shifting to keep her uncomfortable position. “You’re terrible behind the wheel. How did you even get a license?”

“When most sods my age were reenacting the end of Thelma and Louise, I was mastering the dark arts.”

“Mastering is generous. Oh, Katy Perry’s new album is venerous,” Etrigan flipped to another page.

“Alright—we’re off topic, I don't want to be parked here all day. Set the knob to drive and let’s shove off.” Constantine grumbled.

Raven did as she was told and pulled on the “knob.” When it was level with the drive setting, the car started to inch forward in the empty parking lot.

“You’re doing great, sweetie. Let’s go over some basic driving rules first—” Zatanna offered.

Constantine dismissed her with a hand. “Blah blah blah, just ignore her. Here’s what you need to know: green means go. Yellow means go faster. Red means go when the coppers aren't looking.”

“Yeah, most of what you said is illegal,” Raven rolled her eyes. In the process, her gaze was drawn to the dashboard, “Can we turn the music on?”

“Yes.”

“No!”

Zatanna and Constantine exchanged a glare.

“She needs to focus. She’s not used to this,” Zatanna remarked.

“Any situation is improved with Led Zeppelin, Zee,” Constantine gestured at the slowly-inching car, “and this one is in dire need of some improvement. Roth, go to the stop sign. It’s time to release you into the population—and there’s a gas pedal there for a reason. Step on it.”

Raven tapped the other pedal with her foot. The car lurched forward and the stop sign blurred past as they met oncoming traffic.

“WOAH—!” Zatanna leaned over and straightened the wheel. Constantine’s face was squished up against the window. Etrigan barely glanced up from his magazine.

“I never gave Chaz enough credit for raising a daughter,” Constantine yanked himself off the glass surface, rubbing his face. “Bloody hell.”

Raven hardly caught his words. She was too busy trying to figure out the maze of roads before her. Everything was backwards: Londoners drove on the left, opposing every American street she’d been exposed to for the past few years. She hunched down, squinting, trying to stay in between the lines. Raven’s foot cried out in protest of being set at such an odd angle for a long period of time.

“You’re not even on the road—you’re in the other lane, you have to level yourself!” Constantine gripped the dashboard in front of him.

“I’m trying—stop yelling at me!” Raven snapped at him.

“Should’ve let Boston join us. He’s dead; he can't die in a car accident. He’s immune,” Constantine covered his eyes.

Something red filled the rearview mirror. “Here’s Boston—oh, fuck.”

“Shit—shit!” The car swerved. Raven winced as horns blared around her. She sank down lower in her seat.

“Boston!” Zee swatted the air that depicted the ex-trapeze artist’s spectral form. “Bad timing! We’re busy!”

“What? Etrigan texted and said you were getting ice cream.” Boston Brand settled into the empty seat behind Constantine, floating in the unoccupied space.

“You can't even eat it.” Zatanna pointed out.

“Don't rub it in! I don’t go for the food: I love scaring the kids that work at Dairy Queen by turning the machines on and off.”

Raven shook her head, keeping her eyes on the road. “I should’ve never returned to society. I should’ve stayed in Themyscira—no, I should’ve sailed to an empty island and lived out the rest of my life with a coconut named Wilson.”

“Don't steal my plan B,” Warned Constantine.

Boston’s form went through Constantine’s chair, his face hovering before the infamous Hellblazer. “You don’t look so good, Johnny. ‘Ey, kiddo, maybe you should stop by a bathroom.”

“Don’t bother. I went on that last turn.”

“Ew.” Boston shuddered and melted into the backseat. Raven chewed on her bottom lip as a traffic light appeared ahead.

“We’re turning right,” Zee instructed her.

“If you run over pedestrians, you get bonus points!”

“Boston, I will banish you to hell, so help me...”

Raven turned on the blinker and the car started to slow. She heard someone uncap a marker and scribble across parchment.

Raven’s eyes slid towards Constantine’s seat. “Are you drawing a pentagram right now?”

“It’s a sign. ‘Says impaired driver. Boston, take this and tape it to the back of the car. Give the wankers some warning.”

“Uh, this says insane driver, not impaired—”

“Shh! Just do it!”

The car steadily approached the crosswalk. Raven looked up and down the street for anyone walking, hopefully not future victims.

“Is that...Nanaue?”

The massive shark was hurrying across the road with his laptop; he was attending MIT online in order to spend more time with John. Apparently, the half-man, half-shark hybrid was an excellent tech wiz.

“Do not hit my boyfriend,” Constantine ordered.

“I'm not—although, for the record, I do not enjoy listening to you hook up with a shark every night.” Raven involuntarily shuddered, shoving away flashbacks of certain thuds late at night that reverberated throughout the House of Mystery.

“Agreed,” Boston nodded along with her. “Thank god for the vinyl records—that Marina lady’s a saint. What is she, Welsh?”

“And Greek.”

“Wow. A literal Greek goddess. Can we listen to her right now?”

“NO!”

The stop light turned yellow.

“Speed up, Raven. This light takes forever,” Zatanna replied.

“Slow down,” Constantine countered. “Do not hit Nanaue. That tall pile of earth-defying genetics is my one source of happiness.”

“High talk from the guy who just said ‘yellow’ means speed up,” Zatanna rolled her eyes in the rearview mirror. “Raven, step on it. We have places to be.”

“Why the rush, Zee? Is there a specific reason you don't want to see him—? You will stop at that crosswalk, young lady!”

“John, don't be an ass. This has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with me wanting ice cream before Boston terrifies the villagers!”

Raven had enough. She shouted over the chaos, “WILL BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP? CALM DOWN RIGHT NOW OR I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND AND NO ONE’S GETTING ICE CREAM!”

Raven turned her attention back to the road. A tower of silver with a glimmering sheen rose before her. In a hoodie with khakis.

Raven slammed on the breaks. Constantine face-planted against the windshield. Zatanna yelped as her seatbelt tugged her back against the tan leather seats. Boston went flying forward, floating past the outside of the car.

When the car fully stopped, Raven shut her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. She opened them, and a massive shark (with all limbs attached) waved at them from the front of the car.

Constantine pulled his face away from the glass (again) and turned to her, “No casualties. A broken nose. An intact boyfriend. Not bad, Roth.”

Boston floated back to the car, scowling, “Uh, I’d like to revisit the ‘no casualties’ part!”

Etrigan finally looked up from his copy of People Magazine, “Are we there yet? Why is Constantine covered in sweat?”

“Because parenting bloody sucks, that's why!”

[holycatsandrabbits]

Tollense, an original serial romance by Dannye Chase, Chapter 4

A history professor falls in love with his best friend, a 3000-year-old vampire.

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Chapter 4

1997 (One year later)

The convention center had been beautiful under the blue Minnesota sky when Liam had arrived, and it was still beautiful now with its windows backed by heavy showers of falling snow that threw diffuse, moving light onto the walls inside the conference room. Beautiful and alarming.

Liam’s university was located in Florida. Florida was quite nice in January, and besides, there were theme parks. Didn’t people always like theme parks? But instead, the conference was being held in Minnesota, and this was the final day. In an hour, Liam and his colleagues, other faculty of the history department, were supposed to start the twenty-some-hour drive home.

“Could have been at Disney World,” Kurt remarked, startling Liam. Liam had been too busy watching the storm to realize Kurt had come up beside him.

“What on earth?” Liam asked, quite rightfully surprised, not by Kurt’s sudden unexpected presence, as he was used to that by now, but because Kurt was not a history professor, and therefore didn’t have a reason to be at the conference.

“Thought I’d drop in,” Kurt said. “See how things were going. Anyone interested in your research on Tollense?”

“Everyone. It’s very exciting.” Liam kept his voice low. “Am I talking to myself, or can everyone else see you?”

Kurt smiled at him. “I wouldn’t give you that kind of reputation. I’m visible.” Liam could see it was true, as Kurt’s good looks were attracting a few appreciative glances. “Are you ready to come home?” Kurt asked.

“Yes, we’re due to head out soon. Not that we’re really looking forward to it.”

“Well, your co-workers can head out whenever they like. I’m taking you home.”

“What?”

Kurt looked surprised by Liam’s surprise. “You’re from Florida. You have no idea what to do with snow. They’re pulling locals off the roads, Liam. I'm not letting you drive in this weather.”

“But you don’t even know how to dr— wait.” Liam felt a bit of a shiver crawl up his spine. “Oh, no. I’m not teleporting home.”

“I’ve been doing it for thousands of years. With humans. You know that. It’s perfectly safe.”

“No.”

Now a bit of hurt flashed over Kurt’s features, and like all his dark expressions, it was vaguely unsettling. “You don’t trust me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I just don’t want to teleport.”

“Why on earth not?”

Liam hated to lie to Kurt. Partly, it was because Liam was not entirely sure that Kurt couldn’t somehow tell that he was lying. Kurt claimed that he couldn’t read minds, but he was a vampire who could teleport himself from Florida to Minnesota, and Liam would not have been at all surprised to find that Kurt was aware of the snowstorm confronting Liam without having checked the weather.

But it was also true that Kurt was Liam’s best friend and it seemed wrong to lie to him. Except Liam couldn’t tell him the truth about this, because that wasn’t going to help anyone. It was better if Kurt didn’t know that Liam was in love with him, that for over a year now, Liam had been obsessed with the memory of Kurt kissing him, slow and sweet, and that the last thing Liam needed now was for Kurt to pull him close and show off his impressive supernatural abilities in a rescue. Kurt had made it clear that he never allowed himself to fall in love with humans that he met, and Liam had to be protective of his heart, already cracked and in danger of breaking.

“Look, if you are so dead-set on it, you can use your mind-control powers to convince me,” Liam joked, and immediately realized that was worse than lying, because Kurt flinched.

“If I do that,” Kurt said, in what sounded like a carefully controlled voice, “I will lose you anyway.”

“Wh— you’re not going to lose me. I’ll get a hotel, then. Drive home later.”

“I don’t want you driving to a hotel!” Kurt looked exasperated. “Liam, you are the most adventurous person I know. Why not this?”

“Oh, I’m hardly—”

“Yes, you are. You’re like an explorer, always hungry for something new and unusual. You’re brave, and not terribly cautious, which is bad for your driving habits, but it’s perfectly safe when it comes to me, because I am never going to let anything happen to you.”

Kurt had stepped close, and Liam could tell how upset Kurt was because Kurt was losing his grip on the human appearance and mannerisms he tried to put on. Right now he looked sleek and strong and shadowy. He didn’t reach for Liam with his hands, but Liam could feel something surrounding him, like a faint cool mist. It felt oddly familiar, and Liam got the impression that the mist might actually always be there, a piece of Kurt holding onto him, and Liam had just never been consciously aware of it before.

And then everything suddenly snapped back into place: Kurt looked ordinary again, and Liam realized with a shock that a couple of his colleagues had approached them.

“What do you think?” asked one of them. “We’re talking about getting a hotel.”

“I have a ride home,” Liam said faintly. Everyone looked at him in surprise, including Kurt. Few of Liam’s fellow faculty had met Kurt, partly by Kurt’s design, because he wasn’t terribly social, and partly by Liam’s. Liam was aware that his very close friendship with a very handsome man was likely to give him a certain other reputation, one that was quite deserved (though sadly not much practiced), but not very wise in the current political climate.

Nothing for it now. “Chris Mullens, Doris Sullivan, this is my friend Kurt, ah, Smith. He was in town for something else and is heading back to Florida today. He offered me a ride.”

“Is it safe?” Doris asked, looking concerned.

“Kurt’s a very good driver. Got a— a car like a tank.”

Doris laid a hand on Liam’s shoulder, and to Liam’s surprise, Kurt seemed to bristle at that, almost literally, and the whole room seemed to go with him, the air around them feeling oddly sharp. Liam understood that Kurt was concerned that he’d change his mind and be convinced to travel with his colleagues, but it undoubtedly looked like something else from the outside— a sort of possessiveness.

“What a nice friend,” Chris said lightly, looking at Kurt in a way that Liam did not like at all, as if Kurt was not a person but a problem, not a good-looking man but a tempting trap. Liam’s personal belief was that men who were so vehemently opposed to homosexuality were probably terrified that they themselves might be vulnerable to such a “trap,” but it was better if that went unsaid.

Kurt rescued him, of course. “Yes, Liam and I have been friends for a while. I used to date one of his students, Martina.”

Chris’s face cleared a bit, losing some of its distaste. He had apparently not heard of bisexuality, or whatever word might describe Kurt. “Oh. Sure.”

“Ready to go?” Kurt asked Liam. He barely waited for an answer before steering Liam out of the room. They walked down an empty hallway where the storm winds were pushing hard enough to make the windows shift in their frames. Kurt spoke in a gentle voice. “Give it a few years. The world is becoming more tolerant again. Humans keep discovering their natures over and over.”

“This must all be very trite to you.”

“Not in the least.” Kurt’s eyes were sharp on him. “Do you think Chris is the one sending you those threatening letters?”

Liam scoffed. “He barely knows how to tie his shoes. Worse than even the typical history professor.”

Kurt looked unconvinced. “I’ll keep an eye on him all the same.” He held out a hand to Liam. “Let’s go home.”

Liam looked down at Kurt’s hand. A pale blue vein ran delicately along his wrist, and Liam wondered what flowed there, if anything. “What about my luggage?”

“I already picked it up from Dr. Sullivan’s car. It’s at your place.”

“You’re awfully confident that I’d say yes to this.”

Kurt sighed, exasperated. “I can’t believe you haven’t asked me sooner. I thought I’d be taking you to the Louvre every weekend. Or Rome. At least Antietam.”

Liam laughed. “I should have.”

Kurt smiled, looking at ease for the first time since he’d arrived. “You should.”

“Next weekend then.” Liam finally took Kurt’s hand, and their fingers fit together easily. As always, Kurt was slightly cool to the touch.

The convention center faded away into a sort of bland white light. Liam felt like he was floating, but still with his feet planted on the ground. He looked down and found his own office floor beneath his shoes.

“Stay still a moment,” Kurt warned. “People can get dizzy when they’re not used to it.” He dropped Liam’s grasp and put a steadying hand on his arm instead. And now was the moment Liam had dreaded: Kurt was so close, so strong, and so hauntingly strange.

“We must seem so very fragile to you,” Liam said.

“You are fragile.” There was a harsh coldness in Kurt’s voice.

“So how did you learn to do that? To teleport?”

Kurt shrugged. “Just always could.”

“Always?” Liam frowned. “I thought a vampire’s abilities were based on age.”

“They are.”

“But if you’ve been doing it as long as you can remember— since at least Tollense— doesn’t it follow then that your origins would have to be a great deal older than that?”

Kurt narrowed his eyes, considering.

“Or else,” Liam said, “maybe you’re not a vampire.”

“I drink blood.”

“A lot of creatures— uh, beings— are said to drink blood. I’m sorry, it must be so frustrating not to be able to remember.”

Kurt looked at him with a sort of gratitude, but then he turned away, toward the door. A second later, there was a knock, and Kurt finally let go of Liam’s arm.

It was one of Liam’s graduate students at the door, Jonah. “Hey,” he said. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything. Just have a couple of questions. I thought I heard you talking. Do you have company?”

Most of the students never met Kurt either, despite the fact that he was around quite a bit. Liam had learned by now that Kurt only appeared to those students he thought he might start a relationship with. Kurt had been alone since Martina had graduated, and Liam assumed it would only be a matter of time before he picked another student, someone to provide him with blood and share his bed. In between lovers, Kurt drank blood from animals, but he had told Liam that it was much better to have a human source. Kurt chose those people whom he thought would be open to the idea of a finite relationship with a vampire, those who wouldn’t be afraid of him but also wouldn’t want to stay with him indefinitely. Because Kurt never got attached.

“Let’s find out,” Liam said, and opened the door wider. His heart sank immediately when he saw that Jonah could see Kurt standing by the desk. Liam thought back for a moment to Kurt’s reaction when Doris put her hand on Liam’s arm. But Kurt wouldn’t get jealous, of course.

Liam definitely was.

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Updates Fridays on Ao3 and DannyeChase.com (rated E), and Tumblr (rated T)

Want to create fic, art, or other works based on this series? Please do! Just dm or tag me.

My previous serials are for Good Omens: Mr. Fell's Bookshop and Love's Endless Light

My Carrd

[z-1-wolfe]

Parhelion Headcanons (sir this is all for you) @greenbeany

Putting 'em under the cut because they got very long O.O

I- the gnome is Neon I take no criticism. They are often good-natured souls with a more mischievous side, and if that doesn’t describe Neon I’m not sure what does. Playful, funny, good intentions, that my good Bean is our lovable cat personified. Okay Parhelion dnd au with gnome Neon please /j.

I AM SMACKING THE GUN OUT OF YOUR HANDS [runs into a glass wall] dammit,, guess I gotta talk now

I- oh no,, time to fail the exam I guess (turns all your head canons upside down)

Okay they do sleep yes they do. Actually that’s a lie only Ciel sleeps, the other two are insomniacs. Ciel has all of her day to day life planned out to the minute, so she heads to bed at a certain time and wakes up at a certain time, the other two are more of a “we’ll sleep when we’re tired” kinda duo. Unfortunately due to Ilia’s night terrors and Neon’s ADHD they almost never rest. No they do not sleep in a SANE bed, ha why would they have a bed? They sleep in a hammock all tangled up with each other. It’s hard to tell what order they sleep in when they kinda curl into each other. They do not use a duvet, why have a duvet when Neon is a space heater? There are no pillows on the hammock X). OKAY THEIR ROOM, THIS I GOT, it’s a funky mess that is somehow organized thanks to Ciel. Ilia doesn’t own a lot in general but it was her life’s dream to paint her bedroom rainbow so guess what they have now. The other two are too soft and they supported her efforts and they love her despite her poor design sense XD.

I- why closet ASDFG I mean— No they do not share a closet they all have completely different fashion sense and if that was all in one place people would be genuinely terrified. But since they’re broke they had to make do with one walk in closet that they partitioned off into sections. YES THEY DO HAVE MATCHING OUTFITS THEY ARE SO CUTE LIKE THAT. They tend to be like those cute couple outfits with a few variations to match their own personal style. But their favorite matching outfit are these duck hoodies they own courtesy of once again Ilia living out her childhood dreams. No they don’t own many outfits because like I mentioned earlier they are broke x). Hmm thinking about each other’s styles… Ilia think both of her girlfriends have great taste, she loves the well, neon of Neon, and the prim and properness of Ciel. Neon just doesn’t care XD. And Ciel is just, she’s just standing there wishing she could help their fashion sense, but she holds back because “It does suit them in an odd way.” Ciel gets the most compliments on her style hands down, she looks organized and you can bet she saves money to buy outfits that actually accentuate her cuteness. They don’t wear makeup no time for that (in which you learn Z has little to no knowledge in how to apply makeup and doesn’t know how to answer that question)

OH OKAY I LOVE VIDDY GAMES. Ciel likes real-time strategy games because she’s insane and that’s literally all she knows in life thanks to being raised in an upper class family in Atlas. Neon likes open world games, something something she likes the chance for adventure and determining one’s fate for themself. Ilia has never once played a video game until after she defected from the White Fang but I can see her playing something light like Stardew Valley, low stakes kinda games. Hmm, they might play Animal Crossing together? Since it has aspects they all enjoy. They each have an individual switch (Ilia has a coral switch lite) and one shared PC. Okay game with most hours, maybe Minecraft? They still haven’t beat the enderdragon because Neon keeps getting distracted XD. Neon is the bomb at party games though, you can bet she has a perfect score on all the songs in Just Dance. Ciel is a sharpshooter, god knows who taught her how to shoot like that. The biggest splatoon fan is unfortunately not Neon it is Ilia, she loves all the colors in the game ^^. But she and Neon have wracked up quite a few hours in co-op.

Uhhh books!! Ilia likes fanfics :) it’s unfortunately one of the only ways for her to see positive representation of herself. Neon for some reason reads Epics?? Like her favorite is the Epic of Gilgamesh what is up with that?? Ciel reads webtoons :), she reads enough serious stuff for school work and such, she likes to just kick back and relax after all that. Yes they have schedules reading time courtesy of Ciel :). Uhh, they relax by baking together. None of them had many chances to indulge in sweets while growing up so they make full use of their time now. ?? SPOON?? Cuddle hours happen on a whim, the one thing that Ciel can never schedule because she never knows when it’ll occur. They relax the most in the kitchen x) because that’s where they bake, it’s not unusual to find Neon asleep on the counter while she waits for their sweets to rise. They read in the light, Neon is afraid that by reading in the dark that they’ll all ruin their eyesight. Ciel likes the sunrise because she’s up the earliest and is the only one to see it, the other two prefer sunset because that’s usually when their day is about to begin XD.

Favorite spot for dates! The park ^^, they like to go on picnic dates with all their baked goods. There is no plan, usually one of them will randomly pull the other two out of the house because they haven’t touched grass in a while XD. There are no ideas, they share one braincell and they spend too much time doting on each other to use it. Uhm favorite movie genre,,, they like comedy movies :). Their favorite place to eat is this tiny store on the corner of their street that makes mean gyros, they heccin’ love them. Coping with horror, Ilia is desensitized to horror because of the things she’s seen in life, Neon treats it like a game because she knows it’s not real, Ciel, is okay with it, but she gets shook more easily than the other two and they often have to reassure her. No they do not like theme parks, there are too many people around for Ilia and Ciel and Neon respects their boundaries so they tend to go to more quiet places. Uhm heights, Ciel is used to heights because she’s friends with Penny and woah can that girl toss her in the air like she’s a couple of grapes. Ilia doesn’t mind heights but she would prefer to have her feet on the ground. Neon loves the ground so damn much if it leaves her she will cry because man she can’t roller-skate in the air can she, what will she do if the ground is suddenly gone? They like evening dates because it’s normally the only time all three of them are awake enough for it XD. They end a night by sleeping I am not quite sure if there are other ways to end it lmao. They absolutely despise Neon’s roller skating dates but they love how excited she gets about them so they end up becoming as good as professional roller skaters because the smile on Neon’s face when they join her is dazzling.

I am slowly going insane. Yes each girl has a hobby I sure hope they do. Ilia knits, Ciel paints, and Neon writes. I would like to imagine that Ciel would try to schedule time for their hobbies she ends up giving up because all their sleep schedules are wack. Designated chef is Neon (probably made food for FNKI back in atlas), designated driver is Ilia (I mean I like to imagine she stole cars and stuff in the White Fang XD), designated decorator for stuff is normally Ciel though Neon does try to hijack a few of her plans occasionally, designated shopper is Ciel because the other two have no concept of Saving money, and they all work together to clean :). They don’t work together, they believe in keeping their work life and home life separate to prevent their feelings from getting in the way. They do not have pets, none of them have the energy or responsibility to do that, but Ilia did once bring a moose home one day for some reason.

I am nomming on your arm sir. Ilia and Neon get along with Penny surprisingly well, though I do think Ilia would get along with Weiss better? Ruby and Weiss look at Ciel and see a beacon arc Weiss and more or less adopt her despite Ciel being older than the two of them. They might like.. play board games together? Like some of those more team based board games I can’t think of anything off the top of my head, may the best polycule win. I cannot see them in a cuddle puddle to be honest ajcnjsanjs I am so sorry— hmm Ruby and Neon do not know the meaning of formal, as far as they are concerned these are their girlfriend’s friends and that means that by extension these are their friends. Weiss would like nothing to do with Neon after Neon insults Yang during the Vytal festival but she begrudgingly goes on outings with her and hey, now they’re make up buddies for some reason. The parhelion gals take the fs gals to the gyro place they like :). Parhelion gang Is a lot more vocal on their dates because their love language happens to be words of affirmation while the fs gang’s happen to be physical touch. Both polycules are very very affectionate though I will die on this hill.

DARN IT TUMBLR ONLY LETS ME HAVE 10 IMAGES PER POST THIS IS FINE IT WAS JUST ONE MORE PROMPT DARN IT

(Parhelion angst! How do Neon and Ciel react to the news about the dust mine? How do they find out about Ilia getting expelled? Do they find out about the white fang? Is there any faunus stigma afterwards? How does Ciel react to people bullying her Faunus GFS? Does Neon talk to Ciel much after? Do they ever reunite? Does Neon attempt to help Ciel while she grieves Penny? Where the fuck is Ciel now? Is Neon still alive? Does Ilia ever think about them? Does Blake know about them from Ilia?)

BUDDY I CAME TO THE LAST ASK AND NOW ONLY DID I REALIZE YOU MEANT PARHELION BACK WHEN THEY WHERE IN BEACON THIS WHOLE TIME I’M CRYING. (This ask is answered under the assumption that they are already dating back in Atlas Academy) Ciel is fiercely protective of her girlfriends, though people only know that Neon is a Faunus because Ilia masks her traits during her time at the academy. Neon and Ciel are horrified about the news about the dust mines. They know that Ilia is a Faunus and that her parents were working there so they rush to see her as soon as possible. But they’re too late,,, Ilia’s already been expelled for attacking her fellow students. They don’t hear from Ilia for a few years after that and the two slowly drift apart, each blaming the other for not getting to Ilia soon enough. They don’t find out about the White Fang until they reunite with Ilia unfortunately, but they feel sad that Ilia had felt that they only way for her to get revenge for her parents was by joining a militant group (I’m working under the assumption that Sienna only took control of the White Fang shortly before Ilia joined). When Neon learns that Penny didn’t make it after the Fall of Beacon she hesitantly reaches out to Ciel for the first time in a year, and she does try to help. But for Ciel it’s blow after heccin’ blow and she pushes Neon away in a rage. Ciel leaves the Academy after that and goes rogue, working as a huntsman without a license for the poorer parts of remnant. Ilia is unaware of all this drama during the Beacon arc. The next time she hears of any news is during the Fall of Atlas, and she’s scared, scared because she’s still recovering and she just heard Ruby announce to the world that Remnant is under attack, and oh my gosh her ex girlfriends live in Atlas. Neon makes it out alive, though not entirely in one piece, she now has a prosthetic leg. Ilia is the first person to see her, it’s a tearful reunion and they haven’t fully made up yet, but hey it’s a work in progress, now they just have to find out where Ciel is, but when they do they’ll BOTH be there to greet her. Blake has no idea who the fuck Ciel and Neon are lmao, Ilia never told her anything about her past romances when she was in the White Fang.

Oh gosh I think that's it-- And that is it thank you for listening to me ramble about Parhelion you get a juice box for making it this far. Sir I am sincerely sorry for turning your ship upside down please forgive me.

[itsnothingofinterest]

BNHA is a series that really loves foils and parallels. This is an understandable love, because it’s a cool concept, and it’s generally agreed BNHA does it in cool ways. The way the villain trio each foil one of the main UA students, or Endeavor & his family and Ujiko & his Nomu, Izuku again and Shinsou…Hawks & Twice I guess.

But one that I think is really cool, yet doesn’t really get brought into discussion a whole lot, is All Might & Shigaraki; because those two actually have a lot of interesting similarities. So having notices their similarities, it seems only fair to compare and contrast them. It is my duty as a BNHA meta writer after all. So join me, and let’s go over what cool things these guys have in common.

The way of the Shimura

One thing they have in common is the teachings on Nana…at least in that, every quality All Might learned from Nana is also present in Shigaraki. The near constant smile that exudes an aura of confidence, and the habit of remembering your origin and motivation to power through the toughest of hurdles. And in addition, there’s the fact they even have a plan for the toughest of hurdled like that despite their god-like power; because being OP is no reason not to give it your all like you’re a cornered rat.

But what’s interesting about this is; they got these traits from different sources, and that has an effect on how they use them. All Might learned this stuff from Nana, and its stuff he consciously does as a result. He told Deku once that he smiles to stave off his fear, and his origin power up was preceded by him remembering Nana telling him to remember his origin for a power up. The smile is actually something he’s ended up inadvertently teaching to the next generation, with guys like Deku & Bakugou sporting big grins to mimic their hero.

Shigaraki however, did not learn these traits (I mean he’s obviously not mimicking All Might, and no one ever told him the limit breaking trick). No, instead he almost seems to have inherited these tricks, and as a result he does them far more naturally. He doesn’t stave of his fear with a confident smile, he just is confident. He doesn’t have to remember to get a boost by remembering why he’s fighting, he just kind of does it as soon as things get rough (assuming he doesn’t do it from the word go). And it’s impressive enough that he seemed to figure out the limit breaking trick on his own in the first place. What I’m trying to say is that Shigaraki is better than All Might.

No but I do think it’s a cool detail how they have these traits in common due to their connections to Nana, and how they individualize these traits due to the difference in those relations to Nana.

Literal Symbolism

Moving on to their most ‘neat little’ similarity, and one that’s pretty easy to pick up on, is their status as symbols to their allies and enemies (including civilian level guys on both sides of the conflict). They both have this way of inspiring faith in everyone on one side of the conflict and great fear on everyone on the other. Heck, Shigaraki has on occasion been called a symbol of fear in reference to All Might’s common title as the symbol of peace.

Even if it might be a minor thing overall, I actually think this is the coolest parallel between the two because it’s something nearly equal yet opposite about them; because generally speaking, the people one of them inspires are the people the other terrifies. Those on the heroes side, weather on the front lines or watching on TV, hold All Might in the highest regard and are terrified of Shigaraki & his League of Villains. Conversely; anyone who doesn’t support the heroes, whether they be some level of criminal/villain or just a civ unsatisfied with the current system, tend to be afraid of All Might but find Shigaraki appealing, perhaps even inspiring of hope.

That last bit I think is actually the biggest difference in the types of symbols they are though. Although both inspire fear in their enemies; what All Might inspires in his allies is peace, ease, he is here to save the day. What Shigaraki inspires in the unsatisfied or oppressed is, in some way the opposite; hope. The way things are now is going to change, former certainties are inverted, and things are getting flipped on their head; and for those at the bottom, that sounds like it could turn out pretty good for them. That’s the biggest difference in how those two exist right now.

How to Change the World in 10 Very Violent Steps

But I think the biggest thing they have in common is; Tomura’s goals and the way he goes about getting them are not to dissimilar to how All Might did things when he was starting out.

They both had the same starting point; thinking that society is really messed up and someone should to do something about it. And so under a powerful mentor, they set off to fight against vague bad things like “crime,” “oppression,” “apathy,” “conformity,” & “injustice”; which they quickly figured could be done by fighting specific groups of people responsible for the badness, either ‘villains’ or ’heroes,’ and on occasion some specific person or people on the top for at least a while.

From there, using all their power and great determination, and with a variety of motives from altruistic to rooted in personal revenge, they do all they can to oppose their enemies and bring them down. And anyone who gets in their way, well they get what’s coming to them; and no fuss is made because they probably deserved it if they were working for the bad guys. Besides we know their type; they’re the people who “spread chaos” or “sweep their mistakes under the rug” or whatever. So it’s okay, even if they die. And you may be wonder what I’m talking about because All Might’s never killed anyone; but remember that Hero Aca’s Japan is pretty big on the death sentence if Tartarus’ existence means anything, so he is at least “responsible for deaths.” But again, they deserved it so it’s okay; or at least that’s the mentality.

And honestly, even though we can tell the big difference in morality between their actions; it’s easy to see why Shigaraki couldn’t, and instead see their actions as the same. After all, Shigaraki thinks of the government & specifically those running the hero system as just as despicable as All Might perceived All For One to be…and he is not far off on that so far. But the difference is in those below them. AFO’s empire was protected by criminals; while hero society is protected by heroes. And we can tell the difference there, but why would Shigaraki? He’s an outsider to society, so he just sees another rival empire; what’s the difference to him between the villains that maintained AFO’s or Overhaul’s order and the heroes maintaining their own order?

(Of course, there is the vast difference in civilian casualties to consider, but we can’t expect too much from a guy taught morality by AFO.)

But y’know, I’m actually interested in the implications there. Because if Shigaraki is, in a sense, where All Might once was; what might that mean for his future if he were to succeed in his ambitions? And what might that mean for Izuku, who’d likely be coming after him.

Conclusion:

So what’s the point in all this? Well for one, it’s cool. Foils are cool, simple as that; but especially when we’re talking about two of the coolest characters in the series. All Might & Shiggy are both symbols, they’re both connected to Nana and both got the same things from her, and they both wanted to improve what they saw as wrong in society, and did/do so through violence. But there’s more to fils than aesthetic.

What really interests me by looking at their similarities, and what I want to close on, is the cyclical implications that arise from them. For you see, while All Might intended for Deku to be “next” it doesn’t look like that’s how it’s gonna turn out; not immediately anyway. Or, to go further back; first there was All For One as the driver of society, and then he got beaten & in a way usurped by All Might. Now it seems Shigaraki will be the one to fill the vacuum All Might left as the one to shape society, and then if things stay on course, Deku will beat him and fulfil that position himself. If that is how things turn out; it will imply a cycle of great heroes and villains taking the reins of society from each other in great battles, possibly for as long as heroes, villains, and quirks shall exist. And that sucks; which means somewhere along the lines, something is gonna have to change.