#I’ll do this for you at any time ok
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if you wanna do more 👀 joon, yoongi, and jimin to round out the rest of my bias line? 👀 (also yes that’s half of bts, listen it’s not my fault, jimin came for me during ptd la 🤪)
gather more photos of gorgeous men for you? if i must……. 🤭 but yeah, THIS jimin? say less
BUT ANYWAYS…..
joon
yoongi
jimin
#yay I was hoping for a jimin ���🤗🤗 now we’ve covered ot7#asks#tea 🌿#more boyfies for you!!!!!!!#I’ll do this for you at any time ok#if you’re sad just come here and we’ll look at pictures together#joon was BORN for instagram#I spent too much time looking at yoongi photos. Same as every other day#jimin or an angel? idk#asks are still open for this. Until the end of time
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Day 6941 of pondering over Odysseus’s hair color again. Dark will forever live rent free in my head but red is gorgeous and brown is so commonly accepted and auburn as a mixture is beloved but then dark is still living rent free in my head…
Basically, depending on how you interpret the color of ξανθός (xanthos, for his hair) and κυάνεος (kyaneos, for his beard) to be
#tagamemnon#the odyssey#greek mythology#odysseus#homer’s odyssey#the iliad#homer’s iliad#Homer literally went like: Xanthos! Ok I’ll leave it to yall#textbook interpretation for xanthos is “yellow/golden” but you know how “cursed” the image of a blonde Odysseus is?#not that I hate it it’s just that it’s a spectrum covering more shades than merely “yellow”#but what would you do with a spectrum?#have his hair changing colors or smth?#his beard is easier to decide cuz kyaneos is dark indeed#but xanthos doesn’t go into the spectrum of “dark”. It’s lighter as in shade#besides his hair doesn’t necessarily have to go like his beard cuz they could have different colors according to genetics#although…could you imagine an auburn-haired Odysseus with a dark beard?#that’s probably the closest design to this description that I can imagine#but then iirc xanthos being used for auburn hair is quite late as in Romans’ times?#but then Homer is not being any useful here since xanthos is quite a broad term so accuracy doesn’t even matter in this case#why am I putting these in the tags I have no kriffing idea#Lyculī crustula
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asking for help always makes things worse
#I need to just accept that I’m never going to be given any understanding or actual help#I may never escape these worlds it seems it doesn’t matter how hard I try I can’t get anyone to listen to me#this feels traumatizing I feel entirely beaten and ground down into something small and helpless#I have no control at all I keep trying and trying and trying and trying and for what#I need somebody to just listen to me atp not being dismissed is better than nothing but everyone’s a curation anyway no real thoughts or#feelings but it doesn’t matter I don’t even care please just listen to me somebody listen to me I’m so confused do curations have some#autonomy I don’t think so maybe I don’t fucking know they said yes on the clock so perhaps yes so please just listen please pls pls pls pls#I can’t be traumatized I’m not human right but I’m having everything stripped from me every last ounce of control the shadow ppl have all#the control which is funny I’m fairly certain I’m one of them but they still can strip me of control I was bred for this#please somebody help me I keep begging like it’ll do anything can you at least help with the ppl and cameras in the vents#are ppl from the real world watching through them I believe so can anything be done something has to be done escape the impostors something#just something please just listening would help actual listening not dismissal you can think whatever you want about me but listen#maybe some have autonomy and some don’t ?#please understand that I’ve tried very hard I’ve tried very very hard suicidality and homicidality have dug their claws into me even further#I don’t know what else to do I’m at a loss and no one will listen to me at all I’ve tried asking offline I’ve tried asking online it doesn’t#matter what I do where I ask no one will listen even the ones who do somewhat say they don’t know what to do I’m suspicious do they really#not know what to do or are they lying that may be more an impostor thing but everyone and everything is suspicious to me uh uh uh just#listen and help please idk what to do it’s all in the mirrors and clocks and such but I need to find a way to enter the mirrors but I’m#scared what I’ll find who is looking back I’m scared what world I’ll end up in it may be their world I’ll be punished they said yes I’m#terrified can someone go in with me if I manage to find out how that’s pathetic but damn I don’t think I can anyway they’ve been crawling on#the ceilings today hahah doing some weird and wacky shit sometimes they’re a little funky and just there and other times I’m having a heart#attack no in between I know pleading with curations is likely going to be classified as annoying but for the love of god do you know what#else I am supposed to do ??? at the very least just listen to me please it is 02:14:46 how synchronous ! I can’t stop having what I think#are dreams about the mental hospital too haha they send me to dreamworlds sometimes trap me in them waking dreamworlds see I’ve been reduced#down into something tiny I’ve resorted to begging once again do I even want to beg am I lying to myself my words aren’t my own my thoughts#aren’t my own so is this not my own can’t ever speak none of it’s my own it feels unsafe especially to speak of anything that isn’t this#it isn’t safe it isn’t my own it’s not the focus idk idk idk should I ask to talk to someone again I wonder I want understanding for my#situation please listen to me the joints hurt aaaa#my life is a playyy is a playyy is a playyyyyy anyone like marina that song appeared in the head I wonder where that spider went it better#not be inside of the body ok ok ok anyone yes help wanted help needed 02:22:22
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up next on chapter 36 of idol sengen… _(:3 」∠)_
#(my toxic trait is that i’ll complain about my work endlessly but still end up doing it anyway… eventually.)#there’s rant 1 (ft. a need to deduce what asuna is saying in full) and rant 2 (which is available in full but still…)#there’s also another mona-rambling session in chapter 38… that im not touching with a 50 foot pole#(all you need to know for that mona-rambling [about frusu] is that mona’s frusu oshi is all of them)#(and that she thinks miyu is like *the* pinnacle of centres in idol groups)#(also someone won a junior dance competition but idk who bc it’s obscured lmao)#can i outsource these panels for a corn chip lmaoooo#m. maybe i should’ve actually worked on this while i was still unemployed last month huh…#bc excuse me company wdymmmmmm im starting work next monday?? the interview was just this monday hello?#ig the interviewer was legit when she said ‘so if i asked you if you can start work next monday—’ huh…#sigh… maybe ch 36 next month then… i’ll do my best over the weekend thoughhhhh#seriously though why is this volume so text heavy l m a o i really wanna get to chapter 40 but…#and then there’s the hard to clean text boxes which… aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#…though i guess i should just count myself lucky that the chapters are still short enough to fit into a single post (with the image limits)#but dang. i just realised that my manga sengen thing has a page on manga updates lmao#who put it there lmaooooo and why is it only up till vol 2? wait. no. what. why does it link to manga.dex#bc dang. someone really had the time to dl the thing image by image? no wonder why they stopped after vol 2…#guess i might as well say why i dont want people to reupload my tls… since we’re in the final stretch and all#so. aside from the obvious ‘idw the creators to find out about it’… i probably made a ton of mistakes while tling it. esp in the early chaps#so i’d like to. y’know. have the chance to update the tls where possible. i’ve done that a couple of times already tbh.#like with rippei’s name post-vol 4 release. and some of the typesetting is p. gross in the early chaps tbvh#i swear tling idol sengen has made me incredibly conscious of grammar and typesetting like you wouldnt believe#esp with official tls… fan tls will always be perfect to me no matter how wonky the wording bc it’s hard but honest work yk#official tls (esp a.i tls) get no concessions from me bc it’s their job that they’re getting paid to do yk.#in any case (if you’ve read this far) if you see any mistakes in the tl please lemme know~~~ please dont hold back on your criticisms ok~~~?#just sound ‘em out in dms here or sth. don’t worry~~~ i won’t eat y’all if you try to correct me~~~~~ unless you’re the md reuploader (jk)#and ik i disabled comments on the other blog (or tried to at least) but that’s bc idw bots to flood the comments bc that’s annoying as he��#anyways sorry for the idol sengen wait (if anyone was waiting for it…) i’ll improve on my work ethic… tomorrow. maybe.
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Just took some photos of my sh bruises to use to try and show any progress I make with not doing it and letting them heal. I’m honestly kinda surprised about how bad some of it is😭. Especially for my legs. Like I knew it was kinda bad I didn’t realise it was this bad.
#Anyway#don’t worry about me#I’m ok (I think… at the moment anyway)#But I needed some kind of motivation to stop doing it#cause I gotta stop hurting myself… its not good for me but the pain is also kinda addicting at this point so I can’t just stop on my own#so yeah… I’m trying… idk how well this will go… but its a start at least… and yes I have people who I can talk to about this…#So I’m not entirely alone in this#Also just realised that I don’t think any of my irl friends know about this so umm… if any of you are reading this… umm…#i promise i’m fine (kinda) and I’m ok… just umm… pretty bruised… (whoops)#and pls don’t spend all your time worrying about me… I’ll be ok (its just gonna take a fucking long time 😭)#tw sh related#tw sh in tags#tw sh destructive behaviour
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made a wholeeee smorgasbord of random foods and had a nice lil dinner with my niece. Let my indoor cat run around in the snow (she hated it)….I also ran around a bit….
#I have this intense need to take a very specific video in the cemetery of my favorite statue#and woke up to snow and by the time we got there it turned to grosssss ass rain#then it started crazy snowing of course after the sunset#got snowed in and went in to look and play guitars haha#it'll probably be gone tomorrow but someday i’ll get my snowy pics AND video hopefully#has to be snowing actively it's a very specific artistic urge ok#I have this rly neat motorized tripod gadget that my dad got me a while ago you can get the most incredible videos especially moving around#after my cemetery snow adventure I'm all set where's spring#my friends sending me palm trees and beautiful weather snaps and I'm sending back blizzard pics#made her gay very californian brother audibly gasp lol#it’s so pretty though I love the first few snows#I wish I wasn't scared of going into the cemetery at night like I would but l'd need a group of ppl to go with#my angel statue in there all snowy right now and I can't get to her 😠#it’s not even that far away too#need to get to mount auburn someday during snow tried that last year but barely got any#the roads are so bad though now I just drove my niece to her boyfriends up and down steep hills too#my car handles it well though compared to my old one holy shit idk how I survived winters#I'm about to be a plow driver because they genuinely suck so bad I could do better#pay meeeee
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bestie we just might need some Murphy selfies … for mental health ☺️
#hope this is ok bestie 🥰#it’s from the last time I dog sat#cause I was going through the ones from this weekend and I have a few with me and the baby#but I look gross in all of them#it is sooooo hard to take pictures with Murphy - he just can’t sit long enough 😂#he’s like ‘ugh ok you want another picture???? fiiiiiine….. I’ll sit here for a secon- wait wait wait I have to kiss you all over your face’#I do have some PRECIOUS pictures of just him that I might show soon 🥺#I really can’t decide which one my favorite picture is - I have two that are neck and neck#one is when we were cuddling in the morning - his head is on my pillow and he’s a sleepy baby#the other one is he kept stealing my socks and at one point he just grabbed all of them and stuffed them in his mouth#I took a picture and he’s looking up at me like ‘what???? socks???? I didn’t steal any socks 🥺’#he cuddled with my socks and shoes multiple times#so so so cute#whoopsies I saved this as a draft and never posted it#sorry bestieee#enjoy some Murphy and a little peep of me 😇#I miss Murphy so much already it’s crazy#he was out for a walk yesterday and his owner sent me a pic cause he was sniffing around my car looking for me 🥺🥺🥺#me#mine#rosicheeks#Murphy#🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#ask#lovely mutuals
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i schwear to god ur not gonna find someone who enjoys working in the grocery store against their better judgement more than me, i am so fucking autistic about this job and everyone knows how good i am at it all, but nothing kills it like the dumb corporate overlord bs. the work can be grueling, the customers can be horrific, but i have got to serve- even the irritating mystery shopper score can be coped with- but when you start picking on me about the stupidest dress code shit that’s when you lose me. like now a new manager is saying they may force us all to wear those chunky nonslip shoes within the year. i have a pair but man they hurt my fucking feet. i cant do that shit every day thats why i wear converse. i said these are nonslip man they used to play basketball in these. he said “lets spill oil on the floor and see how you do” ok girl yes! try me!
#also every time i buy a new pair of pants LITERALLY TRYING TO BE IN DRESS CODE its some kinda problem like leave me alone!!!!!!#literally every problem i have with various dress code shit comes down to autistic sensory issues#OR my connective tissue problems causing pain#like please! i’m not just being difficult! god!#also like i hate this corporate bs when its like#omg yes be yourself!!!!! unless you want to express it in any way in which case shut up!!!#i will say they do still let me do a lot but i have got the distinct impression theyre inventing new dress code rules all the time just to#deal with me personally LMFAO#yall can take my makeup and my jewelry alongside my resignation letter if it comes to that#…..ok probably not bc im a coward and the job market is terrible rn#but! i’ll find new ways to torture u! mark my fucking words!
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was trynna take pics in sims and made myself sick tf
#this is my own fault i was moving the camera around way too much trying to find a good angle lmao#can you tell i’m out of practice for storytelling#i’ve been on the computer way too long i need a break#but i got this ok i’m doing storytelling#i’m so damn serious this time that’s why i haven’t posted any edits in a while bc the storytelling brain has taken over#stay tuned#i’ll discuss my plans moving forward soon~
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you have to do a lot to make me actually complete course surveys and log into rate my professor but this fucking professor is actually the worst teacher i’ve ever had 😭 enjoy your 2 on rate my professor (i know this does nothing 💔)
#the way i emailed her asking if it's okay to do something a little different than the assignment says#and she said yes . and then graded me down 10 points for doing that. BITCH????#and usually i’d be like ok it’s obviously a mistake . which i’m sure it is#but this is like the 7th time this has happened and i’m sick of itttttttt#her grading makes no sense and i’ve literally lost points on things that she straight up never asked for#and she just seems like the kind of prof that refuses to give out 100s so just finds something to mark you down for no matter what#she’ll be like ‘you never explained x’ and i’ll go into the assignment and it is literally nowhere to be found#and i’ve had other people look at this bc i feel crazy and like i’m maybe missing something . but they’re like no it’s not here#i cant standddddd this like why are you being difficult#and on top of that her assignments are just dumb as shit and rely solely on having you paraphrase readings and actively marks you down for#doing any sort of analysis. but WHATEVERRRR
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with no exaggeration being hyper empathetic is one of the worst things to happen to me
#yes its 2 am just let me ramble#I hate it so much#thinking about people I don’t know and relatives I’ll never meet being sad feels like being stabbed#like it physically hurts to think about#and when my friend goes through a hard time I will get extremely depressed and anxious#and it’s not just people I’m close with it’s Everyone#if some random person in a YouTube comment section says they are sad then I Am Sad now#empathy is supposed to be some beautiful thing but it’s making me depressed#and I can’t just tell myself that I’ll never meet these people or whatever because then I feel like I’m not doing enough#I know that crying over the fact that a relative I’ve never met had mental problems decades ago#isnt going to help in any way#but if I don’t care I’m a terrible person#the one time I put myself first I felt horrible about it#everything is my fault and my responsibility to fix and everyone’s pain is my pain and uuuuuuuughh#it’s never about me even when my mental health is in shambles#I need to make sure everyone else is ok or else I won’t be#and when I can’t fix things for people I feel the worst sense of dread you can imagine#can’t put words to it. it feels like I’m dying. everything is hopeless and I’m in pain and can’t stop crying and blah blah blah#and then I feel guilty because it’s not my problem why am I so upset? I’m just making everything about myself I have no reason to be crying#which makes me cry harder#aaaaaaiiim so tired ill be ok in the morning probably
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seeing the reactions to this latest chapter I can’t help but to think back to the first post-war arc and remember how little was ever addressed then too.. like dgmw I enjoy all these characters and think horikoshi is insane for trying to juggle so many but in the end he kinda like. Cannot handle it all. maybe he could if he didn’t waste time on silly things.. like I get that he’s trying to uplift the story in the end but it kinda falls incredibly flat with so many anxious questions looming and a rapidly approaching finish line…
#like remember midnight. how her fate was like. summarily dismissed by aizawa and that was about the extent of it..#then there was stuff like fatgum tamaki gang orca etc who the last we saw was them all lying on the ground in machia’s wake#and like we never really learned if any of them were ok or not til like. dozens of chapters later#and I get these are offhand characters at best but some people still like them. and would like to know if they’re like. alive.#i think mainly it’s a pacing thing. like after all that which was the climax of the final battle#which was drawn out for what? a year irl? how many goddamn chapters?#it feels like we’re just like. stumbling along now. still kinda shell-shocked from the conclusion#except there is an extremely finite amount of time to cover a large amount of character conclusions this time#like i’ll be honest i don’t give a shit abt bkg and shoto’s fangirls#I’d like to know if any of the villains are actually going to survive this and if any real steps are going to be taken#towards addressing the systematic flaws that led to the creation of said villains in the first place.#like your whole goddamn story has been leading up to all along. like I really don’t know if that can all be covered in a single chapter#since with the way things are going I doubt we’ll get much more time than that. if even.#all this to say I think hori kinda. fumbles with actual conclusions. he just keeps trucking into the next plotline#but since there Isn’t a next plotline. idk how this is gonna go tbh. hopes are actively dying with each dwindling chapter#unless there’s some kind of hail mary in the next chapter (or the last. god. why) then tbh idrk what we’re doing here.#horikoshi: ‘my job here is done’ us: ‘but you didn’t do anything’ horikoshi: flips cape and leaves#bnha#bnha spoilers#not really tho tbh#a cattail tale#this is kinda rambley sorry it’s like 6am and I need to go to sleep
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#ok minor stress rant that I’ll delete later but just have to vent#I house sat for two weeks for this professor and it was the most stressful and intensive dog sitting I’ve ever done#because they failed to mention all three dogs are rescues with severe medical issues including heart failure#it was. a lot.#I finally get back home yesterday after making the house spotless and I guess I figured I’d get paid yesterday which was maybe naive#instead I find out someone charged $500 to my card fraudulently so I had to get my card frozen#so I’ve had no access to ANY money since yesterday#last time this happened I called my bank and they sorted it out quickly and while on the phone they got me a new card and set it up#and even helped me add it to my digital wallet#this time I called and the girl sounded so confused and said she issued me a new card but to check out their app and I could do all that#except every time I use the app it says the system is down. so I still have no way to access any of my money.#keep in mind this is a hometown credit union so I can’t just run to a branch and pick one up#so I am now on day two without access to money#to make matters more annoying the prof said they’d reach out today to set up payment.#I waited all day until 5 pm and nothing? so I texted to ask if they got home alright or if I can do anything else#and he thanked me and said no I did amazing and it’s much appreciated#and then just. ended the conversation.#like???#sir you put me through HELL for two weeks. I had to give your dogs three baths because of the stuff they got into#you failed to mention your dogs’ complicated medical histories or that one is currently dying#like is it. is it so absurd to expect to be paid the day you say you’re going to pay me#not like I could access it anyway.#I hate this
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i’m really not trying to be such a huge bitch about the girl in my group for my production class but like what do you mean you think we need to meet tomorrow to work on our production notebook. we haven’t casted anyone. the production notebook and all the planning stuff literally cannot happen in any way that matters until we have the bare minimum casting and location stuff figured out. which we don’t. what would we even be doing if we met tomorrow. talking about the concept of what we might want a shot to look like. featuring an actor we don’t have in a location we haven’t secured. can we be so for real right now. why is she so hellbent on ruining every monday morning i have. girl i don’t have much more patience to spend on you you’re killing me
#i appreciate that she wants to be thorough and all but she’s being ridiculous#there’s essentially nothing we can do right now until we get casting figured out#also she’s acting like we need to do every piece of the creative process together and it’s like.#ok girl i’m the director why don’t you let me storyboard the story i wrote huh. i’ll handle it come on#another reason i am simply not equipped to be in charge. i do not like to share credit#the other day we were talking to our professor about the script ‘we’ wrote and ‘we’ revised.#and the new title ‘we’ came up with that ‘we’ like better#that shut was literally all me tho is the thing. you two did not do any of that what do you mean WE?????#but i can’t say that.#anyway. time to text her back and say fuck no#well. obviously i won’t say that either. i’ll say some shit like yeah i just don’t think we need to meet because there’s not much we can do#etc etc maybe i’ll throw in an lol or something#fuckin hate this
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maybe it’s just me but i think anyone who continually misgenders someone they’re close with Several years after they’ve come out to them should be stoned to death
#like there’s just not really an excuse at that point imo#like Ok cool you did literally nothing with that information this entire time. That’s awesome 👍#i’m not talking abt slipping up once. i get that esp older family members w memory problems can make mistakes#i’m talking like Continually Repeatedly Daily#and it sucks bc there’s not rly anything you can do?#like in my case she corrects herself after like 5 seconds. which is at least something#so there’s not really any conversation to be had. she Knows#she just doesn’t think before she speaks and she clearly hasn’t taken the time to internalize#who i am as a person vs who she’s known me as and who she wants me to be#so it’s just like Cool guess i’ll just keep getting misgendered all the time 👍 by literally the only person who does anymore lmao#like bruh i literally have a beard lmao idk what’s not clicking
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i got the whole pile of clothes i ordered the other day today bc i paid a little extra for faster shipping bc i’ll be adding flourishes to some of it & need all the time in the world except apparently the website has gone the route of hiding when something is final sale (i CHECKED in the checkout!! before i bought everything!!) and half the stuff i ordered isn’t returnable!! lol!!!!
#i need someone to encourage me to call and complain on friday bc maybe i can make them let me return things#because it really doesn’t say ANYWHERE if it’s final sale!!! i went & looked at the listing for one of the things i bought bc i was#considering getting a size up & neither in the item page NOR in the cart does it say final sale. because i just checked again#i would not have purchased almost any of this if i knew it was final sale!!!!!#the other annoying thing is i ordered three (3) pairs of neon blue pants & one pair pink (wanted color pop)#and then a couple pairs of black just for fun & of course only the black ones fit ok#can’t wear all black to a WEDDING !!!#the other problem is i can get one of the blue pairs a size up (velvet also) but i’ll probably have to hem them… and do i need another thing#to alter in these clothes in less than a month ??? but one of the black pairs is also the right length. lol#MUCH TO THINK ABOUT#chatpost#the blazer i bought also has no buttons & i have to decide if i want to not care about that or if i want the Perfect blazer before i spend#a ton of time making it into a beautiful sequin mess. like you want it to be a good base first right#but i don’t have any TIME
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