#I’d say I’ll edit it in the morning but who am I kidding no I won’t | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jodilin65 · 31 years ago

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FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 1994 Tom’s postcard came yesterday, but I was asleep when he read it.

I rearranged my audiocassettes a bit and got rid of stuff I now have on CD to save room. I made Tom a medley of songs he likes by Sting and Meat Loaf.

At midnight Andy surprised me with a call. He called this girl Karson so I could hear her talk. Yup, she’s great editing material. When he called, Sara was on the line but hung up after about 10 minutes. When he called Karson, I had the mute on and didn’t talk to her. She agreed to accept calls from Fran. She has a long-distance block on her line now. Andy called Fran who gave him her number. He asked about me, and Andy reminded him I wanted nothing to do with him. I’ll hang up if he tries calling.

He mentioned that Nervous moved to the Maple Street area. Yeah, I believe that. I had a feeling about it, too. He probably moved with Crystal.

Tom should be up soon.

I talked to my sister and my parents yesterday. I was going to send Ma the information on the Phase-Out system, but I can’t find it. I’ll keep looking, but Tom’s up now, so bye!

Later…

Tom found me the information on the Phase-Out system to send my mom.

This morning I began making my medley and it’s coming out great.

Tom talked with Geri and Eldon earlier this evening. Geri wants to meet me and Eldon has a super-fast computer brain for us.

We went over the computer calendar and scheduled stuff for the weekend and Tuesday.

I’m now recording two movies for us both.

We’re getting along better and better each month. We’re really getting to know one another and we very rarely argue. Yes, I have a real-life relationship that I not only thought I could never get but that most people only ever dream of.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 29, 1994 Last night I sat down at my new drawing table, but I just couldn’t create anything to save my life. Then after a while, I went into my bedroom and did an awesome wall drawing by my closet door that’s closest to the windows. I did it right in the corner, so I kind of did it on two walls. I made a vase, then a tree with flowers I’d never done before. I made 6 branches and each branch has about 6 different clusters of tiny flowers. Each branch’s flowers are of different colors. I made the vase of coral reef with purple streaks. The flowers are red, violet, medium sky blue, orchid, pink, and another branch of red. Actually, the reds are really raspberry. It came out great, though, and the whole thing’s about 5’ tall.

I’ve been getting these waves of pain in my upper gut lately. I hope it doesn’t amount to much, but I’m sure it’s gas.

Christina left Tom a message saying they’re moving into our area. Geri and Christina don’t even know we’re married yet. Tom last talked to Geri directly before we got married and he couldn’t really get a word in edgewise cuz she was so psyched about being engaged herself.

At one point I made a comment to Tom saying, “After my ear surgery I’ll pretend I’m 18 years old and all fucked up and maybe whatever’s up there will give us a kid.” But I once really was 18 and fucked up, but due to only doing it a few times with 2-3 guys, and perhaps a little bit of fate, I never got pregnant, but thank fucking God! That’s all I would’ve needed back then.

So then he said, “We can have a kid after the really important stuff is done, like your ear surgery, and it would help the business in some ways.” Like motivating us more as not only would we want to make money for ourselves but the kid, too. Also, to see how a kid would like certain computer games or whatever else we’d make and so much more.

Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of a kid and feel more ready for it. If I truly am fertile, I feel more and more like it really may happen one of these days, despite the fears and worries any new mother would have. There would be times when I’d need verbal reassurance and comforting from Tom and his positive, “Everything will be OK” attitude. I can always count on Tom. He never pushes me away. I still can’t believe how much I love this man and how lucky and blessed I am. If anyone ever fucked with him or any kid we had, I’d kill them. If I didn’t, I’d no doubt come very close.

He said something to me last night that made me love him even more, just when I thought I couldn’t love him anymore. He said if I ever wanted to go anywhere alone, he would drive me there and pick me up at a set time.

Here’s a real man who doesn’t push me to work, lets me be a housewife, be a part of his business, but who’ll let me see friends here and there without giving me shit. I feel the same about him. He could go out to dinner with 10 women and I know I could trust him. Even if they were better looking than me and there are plenty out there as well as ugly dogs.

I’m sorry, though, that I dislike Geri without meeting her, but sometimes it’s an easy thing to do like I feel he has with Kim and Bob. Opinions are like assholes, though. Everybody’s got one.

Later…

Tom’s up now and somehow he fixed my journal problem. He’s watching the show I taped him.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 1994 I didn’t get my period yesterday when it was due, so that means I’ll have it today.

My in-laws gave me 5 different cactus plants of a few different varieties. We’re going to plant them around the pool.

Also, a drawing desk I’ve always wanted where the top of it is slanted. It’s also called a drafting table. My next-door neighbor on Woodside Terrace, Nancy H, had one. She lived where Jai lived the first time I lived in that building.

Later…

I mean it when I say it this time, but I will never ever type another journal again. First the cursor would not work, then the mouse wouldn’t kick out the screen saver. I’d saved my work, so I figured everything would be just fine till I brought up journal 14 which I began to type up. Everything turned to question marks and all kinds of other symbols. Now, I’m going to go see if I can type up everything I want to write in here without any problems.

Later…

I decided not to type anything cuz I want Tom to see what happened to my first two pages of that journal, and it won’t give me a new window that’s blank. I could insert a break and tell it to only print from the break on down, but why bother? The thing will probably just crash again. We’ve both been trying to figure it out for ages now and about a week or so ago I thought I’d found one of the problems. I did, actually, and that was what I was going to write about a while back. We added some new fonts and one of them was corrupting all of them. I was going through them all to pick out and write down the ones I liked and disliked. I’d type the name of the font as I’d test it and check it out. Well, there was this one called Gaps that made all fonts become one. I managed to print out what it looked like, too. After that, I went back through the same routine, skipping that font and everything was fine.

I have quite a few things now in my world, Mystery’s World. Tom just added a calendar which is pretty neat. This is for me to type in stuff for either both of us or just one of us to do.

Tom’s going to be getting a surprise in the mail within a day or so. Remember all those stamped postcards I mentioned? Well, 25 of them will be used for business-related stuff. I’m using the other 25. One for Tammy, 1 for Bill, 1 for each niece, and 1 for all of them. Then, 6 for Bob, 6 for Kim, and 6 for my parents. All that totals 24, so guess who got the remaining card? You guessed it. Tom himself. It oughta be neat to see someone get mail that I sent that lives with me.

I also taped him an episode from Tales from the Crypt I heard him say he liked and was one of his favorites.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 1994 Last night I couldn’t fall asleep till around 4 AM. I laid there for hours crying, so depressed and asking myself why am I up for 18 hours so much of the time. I had my alarm set for 9:30. When it went off I hit the snooze once or twice, then got up for a cigarette. Then I went back to bed and told myself I’d get up after hitting the snooze just a couple of more times. The next thing I knew, I opened my eyes to see that it was 12:30. I felt so depressed and like the biggest failure ever. I had been doing so well. All I could think about was how the hell was I going to get to my appointment and how in the world could I ever be a mother.

All I could do was lay around or watch TV, then finally I called Tammy. She said what I was crying over was so stupid and that if I and my husband had poor health or our house caught on fire, that’d be one thing. She said that if she were me she’d hang up and laugh and go get beautiful for my husband. She said I’m not alone, lots of people are just like me and I have accomplished a lot and become a lot. She said she gets up at the same time every day cuz of the kids, but she doesn’t go to bed at the same time every night. She said it depends on what’s going through her mind and how Bill feels, etc.

I’m going to get to my appointments one way or another. I don’t care if I’ve woken up at 4 PM the previous day and am awake till the appointment, or over 24 hours.

As for being a mother? Well, the more I thought about it, the more I began to realize things I’d never realized before. That is that for over a year, perhaps several, I couldn’t have a set schedule anyway. Meaning, that while I was pregnant, I’d be woken up at all hours anyway. By it kicking, me having to puke, fear of labor and delivery, etc. I read that that’s perfectly normal and expected. Also, after it was born, I couldn’t oversleep anyway and end up being a neglectful mom with it screaming like a police siren. Not even when it was 1-10 as it’d be running around screaming, banging, and throwing things. So there’s no way I could sleep through that. I should know that from the NHA. I’d only have to hope my heart and lungs could take it and that I could deal with my TD acting up more as it does with lack of sleep. I’d also have to deal with gas too, but that’s the milder side of it.

Tom came home just as I was finishing up this entry. As I knew he would, he reassured my mind and made me feel a whole lot better after discussing it with him.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 1994 I finished typing journal 13. That was fast, huh? Got up at 9:30 this morning and didn’t do too much.

Minnie, Bob’s 18-year-old friend, called me twice today. She’s on Bob’s side and said she’d kiss the ground Bob walks on. She lived with him for a few months and he never tried anything on her, she says. She wanted to know when visiting hours were. She also said she had the article about Bob in the paper there with her. She says she’ll mail me a photocopy of it, but I’ll have to see that to believe it. She said she kept forgetting to send it to Kim. Well, if I ever get the thing from her, I’ll mail it to Kim after I read it.

Today Tom and I screwed twice in a row. Again it looked as if he was stopping before he was to cum. At one point I asked if he were OK and he said he was trying to cum, but he stopped too soon. He said if he stops just as he’s about to cum, he gets the total feeling but has a hard time judging it. The first time around he was rock hard, then suddenly went soft. He said he came the same way he did the other time where little or nothing came out. He says he’s done that before.

The second time we did it, he wore out. I still can’t cum that way yet, although it feels really good, so 80% of me believes him and 20% of me feels he may not want to cum in me.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 1994 I'm pretty beat, so I'm gonna make this a quickie. We did lots of stuff in the back room. We got these huge metal shelves set up, so that'll get lots of shit off the floor. I did mega typing in 13 today and I'm done with it.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 1994 Andy’s coming over, but I know I’ll have to wait forever, so I thought I’d write. Got my dad’s letter, which was nice and also funny. Got the Halloween doormat too. It needs two AA batteries, which Andy says he’s picking up on his way over.

The post office screwed up again. We specifically ordered 100 regular stamps and 50 postcard stamps. We got the 100 regular stamps, but we got 50 stamped postcards, instead of 50 postcard stamps. The idiots are no doubt doing it in the hopes that we still need those 50 postcard stamps, order them, then they’ve made themselves one extra sale.

I also got my medical records from Dr. Wilcox’s office. Part of it really pissed me off. Talk about assuming or taking things too literally! I was shocked to see that she actually went and wrote that I asked, “Am I going to die? But I have to live long enough to be a famous singer.”

When I said this, it was strictly a joke. God, it’s scary to think that all the while I was seeing her and she was smiling to my face she was actually writing all these mean things about me. The thought of sharing this with other doctors really embarrasses me.

Then she goes and writes this bullshit about my supposedly saying, “I’m not nuts, just nervous seeing a new doctor.”

I’m sure I did say I was nervous, but I wouldn’t use the word nuts in that situation.

She said I was nervous, anxious and in a panic when she did the pelvic exam. Anxious and nervous, yes. Panic, no.

There was this part where she said, “She really hated the project back east cuz of all the noise, even though she’s deaf in one ear.”

As if to say I was full of shit about being deaf in one ear. Also, I did tell her that my other ear hears plenty well enough.

Lastly, it was “inappropriate” to call her with an emergency late at night. I remember that time, too. She was bitching about being all worried if she could fall back asleep or not. What the fuck did she become a doctor for if she can’t handle it???

Bob got my 50-page letter and he called today like I said he could. We talked for 5 minutes about the usual. Andy got a letter from Bob, too. Twice a year I told Bob he could call. Maybe like December and June.

I quickly talked to Mom and Tammy, too. Ma heads home tomorrow.

Yesterday I went and got the water pills I needed. So far they’ve helped. Last night I woke up twice to go pee. I didn’t fall asleep till 1 AM either, but was proud of myself this morning when the alarm went off at 8:00. I felt like I could’ve slept 4-6 more hours, but like a good girl, I dragged myself out of bed. I’m tired and my TD is acting up, but it’s worth it.

Yesterday we had sex again, but not like a couple of nights ago. We were both more relaxed than ever and I felt no pain at all. I feel so blessed cuz Tom’s so patient. Also, we’re doing it more, and the more we screw the better I feel, just like the more I see him, the better I feel. Same for him too, of course.

I painted Piggle’s cage the other day. His cage has 6 legs. I did each one a different color and I did the top frame too. It looks great but rather childish. It looks like a cage you might find in a kindergarten or a 1st-grade classroom.

Later…

As I wait for Tom, I’ll do some writing. As of now, I’m feeling a little bored with PMS bleakness and pre-cramping. I’m tired too, with a slight headache. I’ll be fine, though, when Tom comes home. He always cheers me up.

Andy got me the batteries I needed for the Halloween mat and I gave him that Caché lotion and recorded a couple of oldies records for him.

For the most part, he laid out back by the pool while I watched TV. I did some dishes and made Lipton butter and chives noodles for Tom and I.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 1994 I got up at 6:30 this morning. It was raining and cloudy during most of the day, but I sure got a lot done today. First of all, Eldon left a message for Tom. I also got a letter from Kim. The good news is that she is getting a rental car, as I figured, and she can definitely stay at that guy’s house.

Dr. Wilcox’s office called to ask me a stupid question. They wanted to know if I was changing doctors. No shit! I told them that in my letter. The girl there says my records are on their way, nonetheless.

I quickly chatted with Dad and Tammy. I trimmed my bangs but missed a few hairs.

Tomorrow’s my appointment to hopefully get those water pills. I need them desperately.

Later I’ll write about last night’s sex, Piggy’s cage, and the computer.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 1994 Remember how I was saying I could screw on top? Well, yesterday was a major breakthrough cuz I was very very close to doing it. I’ll definitely be able to do it sooner or later with no discomfort just like I can do it with him on top. The only other thing I wish I could change is my being such a light sleeper and not being able to sleep with him. If he could sleep with me in here, I could put my stereo in his room.

He’s working on his picture-printing program now and later on today we’ll be going to the grocery store (Smith’s) and off to get that dishwasher. It may be a few days, though, till we can get it delivered.

It’s very cloudy out there today and I believe it’s only going to be in the upper 90s. I talked to Tammy a little while ago and she said ma describes the days as cold and nights as freezing. Ha, ha, ha!

In other news, I got a few messages from Andy.

Later…

Today has been more of a busy, yet fun and productive day. Tom and I went to the mall and we didn’t get a dishwasher, although we did look at some. He got some electronic parts and a remote extender. It’s very stylish. They’re in the shape of pyramids and they’re great cuz now we can print pictures so much easier. We no longer have to unhook the VCR and drag it from the living room to the back room. It can stay right where it is.

We also got some fonts, but some of them are incomplete. We got cans of air that blasts dust from keyboards. One for us and one for his parents. We got a really cute mouse and mouse pad. The mouse is in the shape of a mouse. It’s white with two blue eyes and a blue cord. The mouse pad is of Mickey Mouse.

For me, I got 6 new pairs of underwear. They came in sets of 3. 3 have ruffles at the sides, with white stripes through all of them, but each one’s got 1 other different color. One’s purple, one’s red, and one’s blue. The other 3 have no ruffles. Just a thin band at the sides and they’re of lace. One’s flowered, one’s black, and one’s white. I was never happier to ditch 6 very old pairs. I ditched a black pair with lace in the front, and a pink and blue pair with lace that went around the waist. They were identical styles. I also ditched an identical yellow pair that was like the black one and a white and aqua-colored pair. Well, that’s it for the panty update.

Got the new Gloria CD, but one of 5 remixes is much longer than the originals. I love it. I had 3 of them on old 12” albums that I taped onto tapes and they sounded pretty shitty. I got Oye Mi Canto, Get on Your Feet, Bad Boy, and the 2 remixes I’d never heard before are 1-2-3 and Rhythm Is Going to Get You.

I made history again today as I went nearly 24 hours in between med times!! I think I’ll be able to get by with one a day for the most part. Then hopefully I can take only 200mgs, then none! And quit smoking too, of course.

Tom did some wonderful tongue work before we went out and later, we’ll do some inner fun.

What else is new? Not much. Got 2 letters in 1 from Bob.

We also went to the grocery store. I got some Garfield vitamins. They certainly taste better than the Flintstones. Got a new tube of KY jelly, but I could not find the musk body lotion I like. That stuff’s mild and really nice. The Caché I got a couple of weeks ago is way too strong.

We barbecued up a T-bone steak, which came out great.

We printed a couple of 4” pictures in black and white. He showed me the difference between 8-bit and 24-bit.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 1994 Well, that’s definitely the end of my journal typing for a long long time. It just crashed and I lost two pages or more. It’s been doing this to me a lot lately and I’m sick of it. I thought computers were supposed to be dependable, but I guess not.

I dusted and straightened up a bit, but now I think I’ll go do the dishes, clean the bathroom, clean the stove, fridge and microwave. Change my sheets, too.

Later…

Got a lot of stuff done. I did the dishes and wiped down the stove, refrigerator, and microwave. I’ll save the bathroom for tomorrow. The chair’s cushion in the living room always slips out, so I took an adhesive mounting strip and hopefully that’ll work. If it does, I’ll give the couch the same treatment.

Let’s see…what else did I do? I watched a movie I taped last night. It was pretty good. This Wednesday’s the season premiere of Law & Order. I know I’ll get only 10 new shows, but oh well.

I took a bath a little while ago and now I’m going to go play Nintendo games. Remember the game with the ducks you shoot? Tom taught me how to play that almost a year ago. Yesterday he taught me a racecar game. We set it up in the living room, so it’s no hassle to get to.

Later…

I played some games. I sure have improved at them. Made some clam chowder soup and now, who knows what I’ll do. I’d have really liked to do my journal typing, but not if the damn thing’s going to keep crashing on me.

Soon we’ll have stamps for quite a while. We’re ordering 100 regular stamps and 50 postcard stamps. The mail will be here any time now and if all goes well, I won’t get Bob’s 50-page letter returned to me.

Did I mention sending Nervous the letter I got from my mom a couple of weeks ago? Well, I did. He hasn’t heard from me in months, so I figured what the heck? I also made up a word search puzzle for him with all kinds of dirty words. If he ever hears from me again, though, by mail, it’ll be a very very long time.

As for Fran, I don’t send him anything cuz I don’t want him to take that as an invitation to call me. I still can’t believe just how lucky I’ve been with no calls from him. I wonder if he lost his phone, got in trouble, got deathly ill, or died. I know he had mentioned some female cop was taking him to court due to his harassing her. Too bad it’s not Laurie H.

Later…

The mail just came and I got two letters from Kim. All she basically had to say was she was back to her letter writing, looking forward to coming out here, but would get into details later. Well, I hope she answers my questions soon. I wrote and asked her if she was getting a rental car at the airport and if she could stay at that guy’s house, and I also told her about my very likely ear surgery. I let her know it could happen during the dates she plans to be here.

In her second letter, she enclosed a short note with the Bob letter she got that she forgot to enclose in the first letter. The letters he sent her are just like mine - nothing new.

I hope Kim got her puzzles. She never mentioned it, so hopefully she just forgot to. Bob liked his as his letter in #79 says. Most of the writing in this book is very small so it’s almost like 2 books in 1.

I’m listening to an old edit tape and soon I’ll watch TV. For now, though, I’ll go play more Nintendo games since my luck’s running high.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 1994 Well, the typing of 12 is going fast. I’ll be done with it in no time. I was soooooooo miserable then, but it keeps getting worse till I get out here. It was only rough for me here in Phoenix for almost the first year, but it was a joke compared to my average times back east.

Yesterday was great. Tom and I went food shopping and had fun when we came home. He had no problem getting it in there. We didn’t cum but we both were so close. More and more I can see what he means when he says it’s still fairly new for both of us. For example, when he’s in there my clit gets pushed up so it’s not as long. I give myself extra stimulation in the same way that I do when I take care of myself. However, it is a different feeling that is great, but I will have to get used to it.

Tom worked a few hours yesterday and went out to check out prices on both portable dishwashers as well as ones that go under the counter.

The last few days have been rather educational for me. On a talk show, there were ladies from Penthouse magazine that were as short as me. I didn’t know they had such short women posing for them. I thought they’d discriminate against a short girl, which would be pretty stupid and unrealistic as we all come in all shapes and sizes.

On Prodigy it said that the more a guy cums, the higher his sperm count is. I didn’t know that either. I was telling Tom that I thought it was the other way around. I thought that the longer a guy went without cumming, the more it built up.

Tom says we’ve definitely gotta do it more often to get him in better shape. Now his legs cramp up. I said I agreed, but thought that before work would be too hectic a time and that after work, he’d be too tired. He said we could work it out. I agreed and said that millions of other couples find the time. We’ve got to stop making excuses and stick to what we start.

Before I went to bed, he did a little tongue work down there.

I asked Tom, what if a woman just got pregnant, didn’t know it, and had surgery? Would it kill the baby? He said it wouldn’t unless she had her female parts operated on. Oh, I didn’t know that.

I also told him if we had a kid at any age, I wouldn’t be able to have this operation. He said, “Don’t you have any faith in me?” He said of course I could have the operation and he would take care of the kid while I did. Oh, I didn’t know a mother could just run off to have surgery unless it was life-threatening.

Later…

I just went to take my meds and have a bowl of soup. I’ve been feeling so much better that I hope soon I can be on 200mg of my meds and no longer 300mg.

I watched the Miss America Pageant and it’s about time that a deaf girl won even if it seemed so staged.

I feel so bad for Tammy and very disappointed with mom. It turns out that she’s been in MA since last Wednesday and she’s been to Larry’s house, her sick brother Ronnie’s house, this couple in Brimfield’s house, and as of now she’s at Boo’s house in Longmeadow. An hour and 10 minutes away! She said ma said she wasn’t sure when or even if she could get to Tammy’s during this trip. The nerve of that woman! Imagine how hurt the girls must be. If I have a kid I wouldn’t even bother to wait and see if they dumped me. I’d dump them cuz I wouldn’t want my kids to have to go through any of their shit. She just never wanted to deal with her kids or grandkids.

Also, Aunt Ruth sent them a sympathy card. That’s really nice of her, but thanks to her for not sending us a wedding card. I think I’d hang up at this point if my aunts or uncles called.

I left Andy a message all about it and said he could call her every now and then if he wanted. I tried calling dad a few times but got no answer. I’ll go try again.

Later…

No answer. I guess he’s probably out at their flea market.

Tom’s working now, but I hope he’ll be home soon. Today I may lie out and get myself some color. I finished 1 out of the 3 word-search puzzle books. I’m going to copy in Alex’s letter and try to finish typing 12.

Today sure did start as a bad day for Tammy but ended up being a better one for her and a funny one for me. I called her again and she bitched out her frustration some more about mom and told me to feel free to talk to dad and express to him how much she needs mom right now.

Then I was talking to the girls when Lisa said ma was there and we hung up.

Dad finally answered around 4 PM his time and I disguised my voice into a young sexy voice. I said I was his neighbor and wanted to know if he’d come over for an X-rated slide show. There aren’t really any younger people there and he figured it was just a prank and went along with it saying, “An x-rated slide show? I’d love it, I’d love it!”

So, we talked for a while and he says he’s sending me a letter (hopefully to the right address) and a Halloween doormat. Supposedly when you step on it, it says, “Boo!”

He jokingly said that ma was at the NHA seeing if they would take me back, but no one’s there anymore. I said, “Yeah, that’s cuz the place either killed them or they’re all in the funny farm now like I was.”

When I asked him to guess what journal I was on he guessed 63, then 72.

I told him I’d leave him alone for a year when I get his letter, but that due to the fact that I write everything in my journal, he can’t say it’s been under a year if it hasn’t been.

So I called Tammy again and talked to ma. I asked her how the weather was and she said it was cold. I laughed royally and at Tammy, too. I told her to bring her suit on over and hang out with me at the pool. Yup, that’s where I was twice today and God blessed me as miraculously they weren’t home next door. I got more color and I did manage to swim a bit, but the water’s super chilly.

Something’s still wrong with the computer. I’ll tell Tom when he gets home. While I was leaving Andy a message, he called to say we were going to be rich, it was going to be a $200 weekend, and that he’d be home between 3:30 - 4:00.

Then Wendy called and said Tom was a maniac for working so hard. I agree, but the breadwinner must do whatever he needs to do. I wrote her message down for him so I wouldn’t forget.

Either yesterday or tomorrow Bob oughta have his 50-page letter. I just pray I put enough postage on it and that it doesn’t get returned to me. If they do return it, I’m not paying for it to be returned. He says he’s sending Andy a letter. He’ll like that. I also sent Bob 5 envelopes, which he asked for, with my 5 different cat address labels on them. I figured that if I’m going to send him envelopes, he’s going to have to use them on me.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 1994 Tom should be getting up anytime now, so I thought I’d write a little in the meantime.

Today’s Phase 4, the final phase of the Phase-Out program. I continue to feel much better but still want to smoke as much. I laid out yesterday and got a little more color, but only a little. The pool’s already too cold. I got a Rosh Hashanah card from my parents and a letter from Alex. Today we’re going food shopping and I don’t know what else we’re going to do.

I still haven’t gotten my medical records from Dr. Wilcox, but I hope to hear something soon from Boston. On Oct. 13th I’ll be meeting with Dr. Nielsen to discuss the CT scan and hearing test. Hopefully, then I’ll be told if the operation’s possible and when it can be done.

Well, now I’m going to go do some computer work.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 1994 Yesterday I mailed Bob his 50-page letter. Last night I buffed my nails after filing them. I also washed clothes which are now hanging to dry. I made Tom a sandwich for lunch at work and that's pretty much all my news for now. I spoke to Andy who said Gloria's got her second kid on the way and it's due in December.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 1994 I sure do have all kinds of stuff to write about this time around. I’ll cover all the bad news first before I get to the good news. Tammy talked to Tom last night after I fell asleep. It appears that Bill’s looking more and more doomed. His sister’s going to see if she can give her bone marrow.

I was so hungry so I made up some bacon to snack on and tidied up some more.

Now I’m running through an old edit tape.

Last night I made a half-assed, very funny-looking quilt. I took some of the old material I used to make those two throw pillows out. Also, the “Stevie” dress Andy gave me that’s too big and an old scarf that I must’ve had since I was 14 or younger. I sewed the pillow material together, then I glued it with fabric glue. I used the scarf and Stevie dress as a trim for the outer edges. I glued those on too. It may not last long, but it’s good for now if you’re chilly while you’re lying on the couch watching TV.

Oh, Tammy said Ma’s coming Sunday but has to see it to believe it. Yeah, I know what she means. Also, she’s pissed cuz she said she was only going to be there for two days.

This morning I talked to her and today’s Sarah’s birthday. I believe she’s 4. I talked to Andy, too.

Again I weighed myself as 99 lbs.! Yeah! I wish I looked it, though.

I called the pharmacy and he said I could take Diuril. Also, OTC water pills were virtually non-effective. Yeah, I learned that when I was 19. I have to see the doctor for the water pills, but the nurse said it’d only take 5 minutes. That’d be nice. Soon, I’ll call for an appointment. Tom said not to worry if I can’t get appointments on Tuesdays.

Later…

Just came in from out back smoking a smoke. I’m bummed cuz the weather’s suddenly gotten really chilly and the pool’s chilly now, too. Its thermometer reads 80º, but for some reason, it’s still chilly.

It’s been so peaceful around here. No music, no dogs, no kids. Will it stay that way, though? God, I hope so!

I began typing up 12. What a miserable life I had back then.

Tom gave me a gray suede binder-like thing. There was a medium size pad of yellow-lined paper in it and there was also a pocket on the other side of the pad of paper. The pad had 25 sheets in it. That’s 50 pages in all, so Bob’s in for a very long letter when I get it done. I’ll probably have to put 3 stamps on it, but that’s OK.

I haven’t used my calligraphy markers in a long time, so I’ll go get one.

OK, and now it’s time for my good news. I went to an ENT as I may have mentioned. He thinks the reason why I’d be bothered by my ear being so sensitive as I have been, could be due to excess skin growth. It’s a type of cyst that’s non-cancerous and can be easily removed. He called a few days ago to say there’s a doctor in Phoenix who thinks he can open my ear and it is all covered by Cigna. Yesterday Tom and I typed up and sent out letters for my records in Boston. They are not necessary, but they couldn’t hurt to have either. On Oct. 4 they’re going to do a hearing test and a CT scan. So I hope to get the records before then. He said the doctor does try to do it in 1 step and it should definitely be no big deal, even it’s 2-3.

I talked to mom about and she said, “Go for it.”

Just maybe I will be hearing out of two ears after all and I will know in this life what the hell stereo is.

Got my old checking account closed yesterday, and today I may get my medical records from Dr. Wilcox.

We put shorter legs on Piggle’s cage. Now I don’t have to climb on anything to reach all the way into his cage.

We also got bookends that I sure wish I had back when I began doing journals. They’re great. They’ve got foamy stuff on the bottom so they can’t slip and they’re L-shaped, so the weight of the books is what holds them up cuz they slip under the ones on the end.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 1994 Last Saturday Ma called. Tom answered the phone and they chatted for a few minutes, then we spoke. She said that she and Larry were originally coming out this November but now she thinks she and Dad will probably come out next summer.

Shortly after we spoke her letter came. It was very nice. Tom read it too, of course.

My relationship with my parents has been too good to be true. I hope it stays this way. It will as long as I don’t have a kid, although Tom disagrees. Well, they didn’t disown me for being with women, dancing, and marrying Tom, so we’ll see. Maybe all I’d get would be lectures and I can hang up on that. I’ve done it before in the past.

I also got a letter from Bob, finished typing 11, and am now typing 12. Can you believe that once again the scale said 99! God, please let it stay that way.

My lungs have been better and better. Better than they have been in years and it’s a wonderful feeling to be able to breathe. I constantly can go over 12 hours in between meds. It’s been 16 hours now. In 2 months and 4 days, it’ll be 1 year since I’ve had to go to the ER.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 1994 Tuesday we got the wedding pictures. Finally, huh? We got the three 8x10s. One for us, one for each of our parents. Also, the two 5x7s. One for us and one for my sister and her family.

Hopefully, everyone got their word search puzzles OK. I can’t wait to hear what people think of them.

I typed letters tonight to Kim and Bob. I stuck a Bob letter in Kim’s letter and told her I’d save them up till November and give them to her when she gets here.

Last Wednesday Tom looked over all I wrote about my questions and feelings. I’ll tell you what he said. He said it varied with different women and that he didn’t know if it was a fluke, but as I get to know him I’ll see that he cums in small amounts anyway. He also said he has no idea if he’ll always cum, hardly ever, or what. Time can only tell that. As for discussing our sex life, the last time he talked about us was before we were officially together. I don’t care if he does, but I can see him being shy and private with that and that’s fine and understandable to me.

As far as him working on moving and lifting stuff, he said he didn’t want to let me down and not do as he promised and knows how much I don’t like someone saying they’ll do something that they don’t.

He says he means it when he says I’m sexy and the reason he’s hesitant about cuddling with me is cuz I’d said that was hard to deal with when I’m horny. That’s true that I said that, but I’m ready for it and can handle it now, as we both agree that cuddling’s just as fun and as needed as sex. Besides, if he knows I’m horny, why doesn’t he just do something about it?

So our talk went well and neither of us got all upset, as we both knew that this was all part of continuing to get to know each other. I told him that people change their minds (including myself) and that if for whatever reason he had to or wanted to back out of something he said he was going to do, I’ll understand, accept it, and I won’t push him. Plus, I know I hate being nagged, too.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 1994 Today was a great day. Things were so much better today with a lot of things. I got up at 11:30 today and went to an ENT. He told me that one of the reasons why my bad ear may be so sensitive is cuz I may have a skin growth that’s been building up. He mentioned some bone thing in the good ear, too, but said not to worry and that it won’t ever be a problem. Let’s hope not. He said he’d like to do a CT scan as well as some hearing tests and asked if I could try to get old records from Boston. He’d like to see the CT scans I had done in ‘87 or ‘88.

He’s also heard of Dr. Shutnik. He mentioned him before I ever did. I guess he was rather well known.

He said he didn’t know if the operation would be covered by our insurance or if the operation would be a big deal or not. He said there weren’t too many people around that did the type of surgery I’d need and that the operation would be about 5 hours and I could be in the hospital. Tom and I are going to at least check into it. It’s amazing how supportive and eager he is about this. No one else really wanted to get involved or take time out from their everyday lives. I can understand that, though, to a degree.

I’m not going to get my hopes up or make surefire plans. All I’m going to do is let Tom and I find out what we can and what all our options are, then take it from there.

Tomorrow I’ll call the Cigna pharmacy and ask if it’s OK to take an over-the-counter water pill with what I’m on.

Tom and I did a lot of work on the back room. Things are more organized than they’ve ever been since we lived here. It’s really coming along. Tom got some metal and some wooden shelves and he put up the 2 wooden wall shelves. He showed me how to set the timer on the 3 different things that are on it. The lamp in the back room, as well as the outside back and front light.

I just changed the screen saver as I like to do every now and then and I also chose more icons for stuff Tom just added to my “world.”

Right before we left to go out today I sure as hell got a surprise in the mail from my parents. When I saw their address label on the envelope as I pulled it out of the mail slot, I said to myself, how the hell could her letter get here in just a day? Well, it was a lovely wedding card that really nailed it to the point with what it said, as well as a check for $250! What a nice generous surprise.

After the doctor, we went to K-Mart where we almost got me a dresser. The damn things didn’t come disassembled in a box and we couldn’t fit it in the car.

Instead, I got a really cute birthday card for Sarah with live tigers on it. The envelope was nice too, with flowers and birds on the front left side of it. I signed it for us and wrote a check out for $10. Of course, I wrote it out to Tammy, but where it says “memo” I wrote: Sarah’s birthday.

I also hit word-search jackpot. I got 3 books. One small, one medium, and one big. They’ll keep me busy and last a while.

We also may get a portable dishwasher sooner than expected.

At the doctor’s office, the receptionist thought I was Tom’s “little daughter.”

Tom said, “No. She’s my little wife.”

I knew that’d happen sooner or later since I look younger than I am and he looks a little older. I’m just surprised it wasn’t sooner.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 6, 1994 Another day of feeling sexually frustrated. The guy’s too tired, but what can I do? I basically fend for myself. I have questions I want to ask Tom, but he’ll just take it like I’m trying to pick an argument with him. Well, I did ask him if he was over that block he said he had. He told me when we first met that once he gets over his block and is able to cum, then he has no problem cumming again. Earlier tonight, though, he said, “I don’t know. We’ll see.” That deepens my suspicion that that time he said he came, he really didn’t. I don’t think it’s possible for a guy to cum without having anything come out of their dicks. Well, I could maybe ask Andy sometime whether or not it’s possible.

Now there are a couple of other things that have me confused. The other day, on our way to his parents, I asked him what kind of rubbers he had. He was all embarrassed cuz I’d said that at a stoplight and the window was down. Like the person in the next car would’ve picked on us cuz I said that - right! Well, the big question is how come that embarrassed him yet he wasn’t embarrassed to talk about our sex lives with Wendy and Geri? He told me that when we first got together and I was so tight that he mentioned that to them. He said that someone said, “At this day and age they should have ways of stretching pussy.” He asked me if I minded that he talked about personal stuff. I didn’t mind and I still don’t mind.

Another thing is that I said we could’ve found the time to squeeze in some fun yesterday, but then he said that by the time I got up, he’d already put in a long hard day. True, but then why was he able to move and lift lots of stuff around for hours after I’d gotten up?

I think I’m about ready to give up trying to analyze things and just keep all questions I have to myself. He’s very sensitive and I don’t want him to take any questions I have personally or in the wrong way.

When we do get together for sex it’s nearly always great and we say we can’t wait to do it again. I mean it when I say that, but does he?

He says he doesn’t want me to put anything else above him and I’ll make sure till the day I die that I try never to do that, but I feel like sometimes the computer and the TV come before me. I don’t mean just having sex with me. I mean cuddling. He never stops me when I sit on his lap when he’s sitting in his chair or wherever, but why doesn’t he ever take my hand and sit me down on him? He does when I’m really upset and that’s great, but it’d be nice more often when things are fine.

I asked him if he was trying to punish me cuz of Kim coming to visit in Nov. and he said no. That’s good to know cuz just cuz one of us has company, doesn’t mean we still can’t have sex or spend time with each other in spite of it.

I want to believe everything he tells me, but sometimes it’s hard. Even when he tells me I’m sexy. I suggested using rubbers if he’s over his block so at least he doesn’t have to worry about my getting pregnant. We can’t afford it now, as good as a breadwinner as he is cuz we first have to completely pay off the house, the wedding, and the rings. I’ve always been used to taking care of myself sexually when necessary, but now I’m back again thinking that it might be best for us not to have sex. This way I can’t (and neither can he) get my hopes up for it, then not being able to for whatever reason. I know and accept that we both can’t always have our way and that there’ll be times when only one of us is available for sex, but I still wonder if he wants me that bad in a sexual way.

At least there’s one thing I’ve never doubted. That’s his true and sincere love for me.

A few hours ago I made two copies of the same word search puzzle. For the second time, we raced each other and I won by a landslide!

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 1994 Just when I reach the peak of my sexual frustration, Tom comes to the rescue. We fooled around yesterday, but he only went down there. That worked out OK, though, cuz sometimes that’s all I want. I’m not surprised we didn’t do anything today. We could’ve made the time, but we were pretty busy. I’m too beat to write about it now, but I will later if I have trouble sleeping.

Tom, or one of us, really oughta call Dimension Cable and ask why the cable goes out so much. It doesn’t only go out when it’s storming. It’s as calm as can be out there right now, but it just went out. At least nothing’s on I really want to see.

Today we rearranged the back room. We put the computer, printer, and desk on the opposite wall.

We also dropped in on his parents for about 45 minutes. We returned to them (Marge & Ray) a glass dish she used to give us a cake she baked, as well as some canceled stamps from where Tom works. She gave us some brownies today that were really good.

The scale says I’m 101, but I would really love for it to say 95. It’s easier to lose a lot of weight than it is to lose a few pounds.

Yesterday when Tom stopped at the grocery store, he got me a new drawing pad as well as some Garfield stationery. He said the stationery would be good for writing Lisa’s letter.

Uh-huh. I still gotta see that to believe it, but after all the guy has been busy. He’s just not into writing, but I think most people aren’t into writing.

Marge gave me a great idea as she was showing me the quilts she made. I’m knitting about 1½ feet maybe by 3 feet. Then, I’m going to take an old towel, wrap the knit around it, sew it up, and the end result will hopefully be a pillow.

So, are we going to get those damn wedding pictures this week? I sure hope I get my mom’s letter. If she mailed it out today, I’d get it by Thursday hopefully.

I haven’t heard from Andy for a few days. He must be busy catching up on all his soaps as well as his music.

There’s this lizard I see outside in the very same spot all the time. Maybe he wants to be my friend.

The day before yesterday I laid out on the raft and it was so beautiful and quiet. I got some color and I was shocked, as I never saw one bee. Only one as I was leaving, but it wasn’t near or in the pool.

Oh! I don’t think I wrote about printing out the 23 journals I’ve completely typed up. I made the print super small, so as not to have to use a million pieces of paper. They totaled 133 pages. I put them in a 3-ring binder. I also folded my old address labels over the side of page 1 of each journal to separate them. I numbered the page of each one and drew lines in between the entry dates with my pink pen.

I’m not sure if I mentioned getting our personalized notepad yet, but we did. They stick up top and say “Tom & Mystery.”

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 1994 God, do I feel sexually frustrated! There's been plenty of times yesterday and today where we could've done it, but obviously he's just not into it. I mean, I run around here half-naked and he won't touch me. Why do I turn him off? Maybe I should wear more clothes to cover up my flaws. He always tells me I'm beautiful, so maybe there's something physiological about him that makes him have such a low sex drive. The next time he's in there will tell me if he really meant it when he said he came last time. If he doesn't cum next time (whenever that will be), then I'll wonder, cuz he said once he gets over his “block” and cums, it's non-stop from there.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 1994 Today I begin phase 3 of the Phase-Out system. I can just imagine the difference it’ll make in how I feel, as it sure as hell made a difference in Phase 2. The great thing is how much better I feel. The not-so-great thing is that I still want to smoke just as much as usual.

I called Dr. Wilcox’s office yesterday and they’re sending me a form to sign and send back to them so they can send me my medical records to give to the new doctor. Yesterday I got my cut-off notice from Access. They have this program, though, for those who are no longer on SSI or SS that need regular medical care such as I do, but I’ll call them to tell them I don’t need it cuz I’m on Cigna. I’m also going to call my new doctor or Cigna pharmacy and ask about water pills. I really need them. Not only does it help with water and bloating, but also it helps alleviate the soreness in my tits that I get before that time.

Gotta call Prodigy to see if I got any mail. I’ll do that when Tom leaves. He’s working on a program right now and then at 1:00 he’s going to work on Eldon’s computer.

I hope we have time to get a little fun in before he leaves, but if we can’t, we can’t.

I began another book of letters in Book #79, but I may or may not keep it going. I probably will and not turn any of it into a personal journal cuz it’s good for when I’m bored.

Later…

Today I’m having one of those days where I feel skinny. I love it right after my period. I’m not retaining any water, I took a dump (a much-needed one) and I exercised. I’m in a good mood too, although I hope we can have sex tomorrow. Today I’ll just take care of myself.

I got a letter from Alex today and something else pretty strange. It was a good luck chain letter mailed from Hartford. Tom said he thinks someone who knows me and knows I got married sent it, but I can’t think of who would do that. I took an envelope and addressed it to Tammy in different handwriting with no address label. She’ll probably throw it out, but if anyone needs better luck, it’s her and her family. There was no return address when I got it and it was handwritten. It looks like a female’s handwriting. What do I think? I think it was randomly mailed off or from one of those moneymaking jobs I sent away for information on. Tom brought up a good point, though. I ordered all that information in my maiden name.

Anyway, Tom said he’ll buy me a lottery ticket and we’ll see.

I talked to my parents who said they tried to call the other day. They got my figurine in one piece too, and loved the concert by Barbara. She also did write the letter but sent it to the wrong address and it was returned today to her. Thank God it didn’t get lost cuz then who knows when she’d write again. She hates to write. She said it said there was no such street number. Thank God there’s no such street number as someone like me or Andy could’ve gotten it and kept it.

Tom said not to worry at all about Kim coming to visit. That he wants me to be happy and he trusts my judgment. That’s cool, cuz neither of us ever wants to fight. We both realize that we both can’t always have our way. We know that’s life, though.

I never thought I’d live to say this, but I believe in “for better or for worse,” and in forever and so does he.

Last night’s storm really did a lot more than knock out the cable. It knocked a tree down on our other next-door neighbor’s lawn across W. Weldon. There is tons of shit in the pool. I’d dive down and get it now, but I just did my hair, so I’ll wait. We also lost more of the green rafters out over the patio.

Later…

I can’t believe I forgot to write about the word search program! Oh, it’s so cool, too. Tom found one of his old programs that it was on. All you do is type in what words you want after you head it with a name and it scrambles it up into a word search puzzle. You can have it be super tiny, to 2/3 of a page. It will tell you if you’ve got too many words or if you’ve typed the same word twice. I did some for Tom, Andy and myself. I also mailed off puzzles to my parents, Tammy, Bill & the girls, Kim, Bob and Alex. To Tammy and everyone, I made 5 puzzles. One is titled Tammy & Bill’s Only, cuz there were lots of swears, the other’s titled, Everyone’s Puzzle, Lisa’s Puzzle, Becky’s Puzzle, & Sarah’s Puzzle.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 1994 I have mega updating to do and now’s as good a time as any to do it. I’ve talked with Andy every day since he’s been back and he’s doing OK. He came over yesterday for a few hours. We hung out at the pool for a while and it was great cuz we saw no bees. I saw none today, either. They’re getting less and less.

He told me that in the next few months, Gloria’s going to be releasing an album of oldies. Yeah!

I recorded a couple of songs off of old records for him which was much easier than taping. What a turntable Tom has! I’d have loved to have that before I had tapes and CDs.

Kim and I talked. Her 24-year-old cousin Pam died of some kind of intestinal problem. She took it hard, I guess, cuz they were close. She said she got tickets to come out here from Nov. 10-16. I’m happy but worried. I just don’t want any problems with me and Tom.

Andy and I were talking about this letter my mom claims to have written to me. I discussed it with Tom, too. Tom thinks she misplaced it, although she said it was mailed out. I think that if it wasn’t lost, she never even wrote it. Andy thinks she never wrote it. Why? I have a couple of theories. Perhaps it’s out of a certain type of spite that she feels cuz I don’t need her anymore. Cuz I really am grown up now and she can’t control me. Maybe it was something she said to get me to tape the Barbara Streisand special, although I’d have gladly done that for nothing.

People say they’re going to do stuff they never do. Like with Tom. Yeah, I know he’s busy, but I don’t think he’ll ever type a response to what I typed up. I also don’t think he’ll ever write to Lisa, either.

I am so fucking pissed right now! I could literally scream. There’s a movie on now I really wanted to see, but there’s a fucking storm going on. Why do these storms have to come when I want to watch something that bad or when I’m asleep?

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 1994 Wow, it's already September 1st. Time really does fly. I have quite a bit to write about, but quite frankly, I'm not in the mood right now.

I finished off 35 with letters and have decided to do a BOL #12 in 79. I'll go do that now with the two Bob letters I got today.

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saltwater-and-woodsmoke · 2 years ago

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Drunken Confessions || Austin North

Austin’s girlfriend comes home from a night out and spills some secrets

Warnings: fluff, talking about having a family.

I am in the process of moving my writing from my main blog to this one. This is a repost of an old post with some edits.

Austin tried to keep a serious face when his girlfriend of seven years came stumbling into their shared apartment. It was an unusually cool October Friday night, or rather Saturday morning, and Ellie had just arrived home from “girls night” with Madelyn, Bailey, and Elaine. He couldn’t help but wonder if his friends were dealing with the same thing, or if it was just his girlfriend who could barely stand up.

“Well it looks like someone had fun tonight” he murmured as he wrapped his arms around her in an attempt to help her stand up straight. “I’d say let’s go to bed right now, but I think I need to get some water in you.”

“Noooo. I wanna go to bed” her voice came out as more of a whine than anything. He held back a laugh as he sat her down on the couch, watching as she sank down into the plush cushions. He walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a glass, filling it with water and silently grabbing two advil before walking over to her.

“I’ll make you a deal, pretty girl, take these and drink all of the water and then we can go to bed, okay?” He told her, handing her both the cup and the medicine and watching as she downed them.

“Bed now?” She asked, looking up at him those same green eyes he’d fallen in love with, clearly on the verge of falling asleep. He smiled, nodding his head as he helped her up and walked her to the bedroom, helping her change her clothes and sitting her on her side of the bed.

“Stay right here. I’m gonna take your makeup off.” He told her before walking into the bathroom and grabbing her makeup wipes. It wasn’t the first time he’d had to take his drunk girlfriend's makeup off in the five years they’d lived together. Deep down, he knew that most men would be complaining about taking care of their drunk significant other, but to him it meant that she’d had fun with the girls, and after the last couple of months, she’d needed that.

He padded back across the hall to the bedroom and again tried not to laugh as he wiped her makeup off and she pulled a face at him. Finally, he moved the blankets and got her properly in bed before removing his own shirt and crawling in beside her, moving to wrap his arms around her. He couldn’t help but smile as she scooted closer to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you for taking care of me, baby” she told him.

“You know I’ll always take care of you.” he mumbled, face squished into his pillow. “Until the end of time baby.” A soft kiss was pressed against his jaw as she hummed in response.

“Austin, can I tell you a secret?” Her voice was low. He just hummed in response, starting to feel sleep take over him. “I want a baby.” If Austin was asleep in any form, he was awake now. He could feel the panic form in his stomach. They were barely twenty-five, were they even ready for that? A million thoughts rushed through his head as he processed the four words she’d just said.

“Hmm, we have a baby. He’s about 45 pounds right now, black, chews on shoes” he gestures vaguely towards the side of the room where their black lab mix, Cruz, was asleep in his bed with his head hanging out on the hardwood floor.

“No, I mean a human baby.” She told him, continuing to kiss his jaw. She knew she wasn’t going to get anything out of him tonight, it was an unspoken rule they had. ‘No sex if one of us is drunk’.

“That sounds complicated. They don’t sell those in stores, Ellie.” He mumbled.l “and besides, I brought it up two years ago when we had the scare and you said you wanted to be married before we had a baby.”

“I know what I said, but I know what I want, now.” She told him, again practically whining. “And that’s a baby, with you. A tiny human that’s half of me, half of you and don’t you dare try to pull that “kids don’t like me” bullshit. I’ve seen you with your nephew. Your eyes light up when you see him.”

“I think it’s time to go to sleep, Ellie.” He told her.

“I want a baby” she told him again, like he hadn’t heard her the first two times she’d said it.

“I know, Eleanor, I know. But let’s go to sleep now.” He was trying not to laugh. A pout sat on her lips as she looked at him.

“But I want a baby.” Her voice was soft, but still had a touch of a whine to it.

“Eleanor Renee, I will gladly give you a baby but you have to be coherent for that. So we can talk about it tomorrow, but please, go to sleep” He moved to place his lips on hers, pouting when she turned her head away from him.

“You promise?” Her green eyes looking up at him.

“I promise” he chuckled,

She pressed her lips against his quickly moved to turn her back to him, pressing herself as closely to him as she could. “Love you”

“I love you too.” and then, she was asleep.

#austin north #topper thornton #obx fic #obx fanfiction #austin north x reader #Austin north x oc #Austin north fluff #obx fluff #outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks fic #outer banks fluff

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skipps-writes-for-gojo-satoru · 4 years ago

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Updated 24/6/2021

∞ Oneshots/Scenarios

Trying to wake him but only to be cuddled

Gojo & S/O take Megumi as their son

S/O not used to compliments

Taking pictures of his S/O

S/O Insecure of their relationship

Sees his eyes for the first time

S/O who’s having an anxiety attack

S/O wiping Gojo’s kiss

Gojo wiping S/O’s kiss

Comforting a sad S/O after a mission

S/O wears Gojo’s shirt

S/O makes Gojo eat spicy food

S/O who helps Gojo (MANGA SPOILERS)

Comforting a sad S/O

Comforting a sad S/O 2

Ex to Lovers

Reader most romantic confession

Gojo’s Birthday Fic 2020

Comforting stressed S/O

Geto kidnapping Wife!Reader

Dog!Gojo Satoru x Reader

Comforting childhood bestfriend

Husband material

Flower giving

If only I had somewhere to sit

Mommy kissing Santa Claus

Comforting Gojo

Gojo having a nightmare

Cheering up his S/O

Gojo making reader laugh in a meeting

Clingy in the morning

In the shower

One of These Nights

From Behind

Gojo caught crying

A Taste?

Early Mornings

Gojo & the twins wanting another baby I

Gojo & the twins wanting another baby II

A Promise

Reader getting her period and Gojo notices

Lazy & Affectionate

Telling him you’re pregnant

The Gojo twins visiting Jujutsu HIgh

∞ Headcanons

Engagement Headcanons

Chubby S/O

Gojo turned into a child

F!Short & Strong S/O

Newborn curse reader

Curious childlike reader

S/O who is good at hand to hand combat

Cuddling Headcanons

Pregnancy Headcanons

Reader afraid of rejection

Tall & Strong Cursed Spirit

Suicidal Reader

Long haired reader

Big sister reader

Affectionate S/O

Celebrate reader’s birthday

Toxic lover

What does Gojo Satoru smell like?

Working out

Type of girl Gojo would fall for

Pregnant reader wants to decorate for Christmas

Gojo wanting a baby

Gojo trying to make stotic!reader smile

Gojo Twins #1

M!Strong & Short S/O

S/O memory loss

Popular F!Reader

S/O turns into a child

Shy S/O

S/O protects Gojo

Clumsy S/O

Day off with Gojo

Shopping with Gojo

Valentine’s Day

Insecure skinny S/O

Gojo x Idol!Reader

Agrument with his S/O

Merman!Gojo

∞Skipps Imagines

Why?

My Everything

A Moment

Afternoon Naps

I’ll be here

∞Random Gojou Satoru Headcanons Series

1 2 3

∞ SFW Alphabet

SFW Satoru Gojo Edition

∞ Prompt Event

Fluff # 12 “Could you say that again?” “Were you listening?” “No I was, I just like hearing your voice”

Fluff prompt #26 “You’re really warm.”

Fluff Prompt # 1 “Is that my shirt?” “You mean our shirt?”

Fluff Prompt # 44 “You’re an idiot.” “But I am your idiot.”

Fluff Prompt #19 “ You know, I think my (mother/father/parents) would be proud if I brought (you/him/her/them) home.”

Fluff Prompt #18 “You come here often?” “Well considering I work here, yes” #27 “Are you blushing?”

Fluff Prompt #4 “Kiss me.” & #13 “ I didn’t think it was possible to love someone this much.”

Fluff Prompt #7 “You’re an idiot.” “But you love me.”

Fluff Prompt #10 “Stop moving and let me braid your hair!”

Fluff Prompt #39 “You’re safe now, I’m here.”

Fluff Prompt #9 “You took all the pillows so I’m using you as one.” #26 “You’re really warm.”

Fluff Prompt #31 “I’m never gonna to leave you. I promise” #44 “You’re an idiot. But I am your idiot.”

Fluff Prompt #4 “Kiss me” and General Prompt #17 “Are you jealous?”

Fluff Prompt #30 “I’ve been in-love with you since we were kids.”

Fluff Prompt #16 “Can you just please hold me ?”

Fluff Prompt #7 “ You’re an idiot.” “But you love me.” General #17 “Are you jealous?”

General prompt #46&#48 “Are they really just a "friend”? “I won’t hurt you”

General Prompt #2 “It’s pouring rain, why are you here?” #50 “I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

General Prompt 17 “Are you jealous?”

General Prompt #17 “Are you jealous?” & #25 “She doesn’t belong with him!” “Than who does she belong with?” “with me…”

Angst prompt # 28 “Move out of my way before I make you”

Angst Prompt #12 “Maybe they were right, you never did change.” & #14 “ Don’t you dare walk away from this!”

Angst Prompt #21 “It’s (her,him,they), isn’t it?” & #36 “They warned me about this.” “About what?” “You.”

Angst Prompt #6 “You’re lying to me again. Why can’t you just tell me the truth for once?"

Angst Prompt #47 “ You deserve so much better.” #48 “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t leave.”

Angst Prompt “If you love me please let me go, please…”

∞ Winter Prompt Event

Winter Prompt #1 “What do you mean we’re out of hot chocolate?”

Winter Prompt #2 (Cuddling by the fireplace)

Winter Prompt #13 “Your hands are freezing!”

Winter Prompt #14 “ Aren’t you cold like that?”

Winter Prompt #17 (watching movies under a pile of blankets)

Winter Prompt #18 (snowball fight)

Winter Prompt #22 (kissing in the snow)

Winter Prompt #32 “There’s no way I’m letting you spend Christmas alone.”

Winter Prompt #37 (stuck in a snow storm)

Winter Prompt #38 “ You’re under the mistletoe so stop stalling and just kiss.”

Winter Prompt #43 “What do you mean Santa’s not real?”

Winter Prompt #50 “Those were for Santa!”

Winter Prompt #54 (Winter power outage) Gojo Satoru Edition

Winter Prompt #56 “Shhhh, don’t tell her/him!”

Winter Prompt #60 “I feel like there’s more frosting on you than on the gingerbread.”

Winter Prompt #10 “Where did all this mistletoe come from?” #61 “What are you doing with that mistletoe-oh.” #64 “I guess… this is when we kiss?”

Winter Prompt #65 “No, we’re not getting a puppy for Christmas. Stop. Asking.”

Winter Prompt #66 “ You don’t put marshmallows in your hot chocolate? YOU HEATHEN”

Winter Prompt #68 (Winter Proposal)

Winter Prompt #70 “You’re perfectly welcome to kiss whoever you wa-”

Winter Prompt #72 “Did everyone else come with a date?”

∞Smut Prompt Event (1k Followers Event)

Smut Prompt #21 “You’re bigger than I expected.”

Smut Prompt #54 “ You’re going to regret that, sweetheart.”

Smut Prompt #55 “Were you dreaming about me again?”

Smut Prompt #1 “We’re in public, you know.”

Smut Prompt #3 “Can you help me with this zipper?”

Smut Prompt #28 “Oh god, how can you manage to switch from cute to sexy in under a second?”

Smut Prompt #53 “What do you mean not yet? You can’t expect me not to cum when you’re fucking me so good!”

Smut Prompt #16 “Forget the bed. Let’s fuck right here.”

Smut Prompt #11 “You’re really gonna make me beg for it?”

Smut Prompt #5 “Are you trying to turn me on right now? Because it’s working.”

Smut Prompt #44 “If I have to pull over, you won’t be able to walk for the next week.”

Smut Prompt #46 “You’re not allowed to cum without my permission.”

Smut Prompt #6 “I’d hold on to something it I were you.”

Smut Prompt #27 “Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?”

Smut Prompt #42 “I know for a fact you’re a lot louder than that.”

Smut Prompt #41 “I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you forget you ever even met that asshole.”

Smut Prompt #39 “ Angel in the streets, freak in the sheets.”

Smut Prompt #15 “Try to keep quiet. We don’t want to get caught.”

Smut Prompt #48 “Holy shit, you’re so fucking sexy like that.”

∞Physical Affection Prompt

Physical Affection Prompt #11 (Back hugs)

Physical Affection Prompt #1 (Pats on the head)

Physical Affection Prompt #9 (Wiping away their tears)

Physical Affection Prompt #18 (Wiping food away from their lips)

Physical Affection Prompt #23 (A hug some might consider too long)

Physical Affection Prompt #7 (Squishing their cheeks)

Physical Affection Prompt #8 (Brushing hands by accident)

Physical Affection Prompt #15 (The biggest warmest hug)

Physical Affection Prompt #13 (Kissing someone’s forehead)

Physical Affection Prompt #6 (Chasing after their lips after they pull away)

Physical Affection Prompt #25 (Playfully biting)

Physical Affection Prompt #4 (A hug after not seeing them for a long time)

Physical Affection Prompt #21 (Accidently knocking your head against their chin)

Physical Affection Prompt #22 (Kissing their cuts/bruises/scratches)

∞Incorrect Jujutsu Kaisen Quotes

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7

∞ Skipps Art

Random Gojo 1

Cat ears for Gojo

Dog Hybrid Gojo

Happy New Year 2021

Mochi Gojo

1k Followers

2k Followers

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen gojo #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojou satoru #gojou satoru x reader #gojo headcanons #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru #jjk x reader #jkk imagines #jjk gojo #skipps writes #skipps masterlist

2K notes · View notes

goodnightmemes · 3 years ago

Text

DEXTER SEASON TWO SENTENCE STARTERS (PART TWO)

Lines taken from 2x07-2x12 of the show Dexter. Feel free to change pronouns or edit in any way to better fit your needs. Here is part one.

❛ I thrive on chaos. But this is good, too. ❜

❛ I had to do a little creative problem-solving at someone else's expense. ❜

❛ Pardon my tits. ❜

❛ Are you trying to fuck her or set her on fire? ❜

❛ Sometimes the truth speaks from a peaceful place. It's taken me a long time to find that place, but I think I have, and it's telling me you're not the right one for me. I'm so sorry. ❜

❛ Is that what I am? Clean? 'cause I don't feel that way at all. ❜

❛ No, I won't do that. I won't let you turn me into you. ❜

❛ Hope you don't expect me to comment on that so you can record it on your hidden tape recorder. I wasn't born yesterday. ❜

❛ Your past is a bigger mystery than fucking Jimmy Hoffa. ❜

❛ No matter what you try, no matter when, no matter how hard you work, I'll always be a step ahead of you for one simple reason. I own you. ❜

❛ When I'm alone and it's quiet, I get scared shitless, like I start hearing what's really going on inside. ❜

❛ 'Cause when you're around, I kind of feel like I can deal with anything, you know? ❜

❛ I've always worked best in the shadows, and that's where I have to stay. ❜

❛ You can't go back. You know that. ❜

❛ You are not allowed to talk about anyone I date as long as you're seeing little Miss "pardon my tits." ❜

❛ She is obviously a vampire. A gross english-titty vampire. ❜

❛ Can't change who I am. I'm crass and dirty, and...I have a very filthy mind. ❜

❛ Jesus Christ. They sell anyone a gun in Florida, won't they? ❜

❛ That man. He wasn't trying to rob you. He was trying to kill you. ❜

❛ Nothing you could do,___, would scare me. ❜

❛ Whatever comes, we'll get through this together. I'm not leaving your side. ❜

❛ I need to embrace who I am, who I've always been. ❜

❛ It's like I've been living underwater, holding my breath, and now I can finally breathe. ❜

❛ ___ almost had me believing it was possible to change, to become something else, as if that ever really happens. I've always known what I am. ❜

❛ I'm finding it's best to accept things you can't change, you know? ❜

❛ Is this the monster that you keep telling me about? ❜

❛ Trust me, when you meet the monster, you'll know. ❜

❛ Nice. My subconscious isn't even bothering with symbolism. ❜

❛ I feel...such regret, which is rare for me. But not that I don't mess up. I do...just never so stupendously. ❜

❛ If they're looking for proof, they won't find it. Not here at least. ❜

❛ Then maybe you should come with us, because who knows what secrets will come ❜ pouring out of me once the drinks start flowing. ❜

❛ I'm done with it and you. Did I not make that clear last night? ❜

❛ Those friends of yours, they didn't even know you. They just see the mask, but I see it all. ❜

❛ Can't live with her. Can't kill her. ❜

❛ Fuck! I'm talking about my feelings. What the fuck is your problem? ❜

❛ I've always sensed there was something... off about him. Like he's hiding in plain sight. ❜

❛ If you got in the middle of this and you got hurt… ❜

❛ The only way I can help you is if you turn yourself in. ❜

❛ Don't you disappear on me. ❜

❛ I want you to know that you meant a lot to me, more than you know, and... I just want to thank you for that. ❜

❛ If I never see her again, it'll be too soon. ❜

❛ Sleep would be nice, but there's too much to do. ❜

❛ Okay, I may be sleeping with him, but it doesn't mean he tells me shit or listens to me about anything, so stop asking! ❜

❛ That's right, motherfucker! It's over. ❜

❛ I knew there was something with you. But this shit? ❜

❛ What can I say? You were right about me. I never held it against you. I don't now. ❜

❛ It's a graze wound. Minor tissue abrasion. No hemorrhage along the bullet track. Sorry. I think I'm gonna live. ❜

❛ If you're not gonna let me go, then kill me now. Just get it over with. ❜

❛ You're a killer. I catch killers. ❜

❛ So it's okay to take a life as long as you get a paycheck for it? ❜

❛ Either kill me or set me free. ❜

❛ Taking a life is one thing, but the care and feeding of it is another. ❜

❛ I'm generally confused most of the time. ❜

❛ You ever care about anyone? Then you shouldn't have to ask. 'Cause when you care about someone, you do what you have to do. ❜

❛ I remember when life was easy, when the only question I worried about was "who's next?" Now it's: "How can I dodge my protective detail? "What should I do with my hostage?" These are not easy questions. ❜

❛ It's not about what I think. It's all about the evidence. ❜

❛ Hair-pulling may not be manly, but it's very effective. ❜

❛ If he wanted me dead, I'd be dead by now. ❜

❛ You are the only one I can count on, jackass. ❜

❛ It puts a pit in my stomach that I can only interpret as... sadness. ❜

❛ You working on an exit strategy? I'm afraid that's not gonna happen. ❜

❛ How come there's never a circus when you need one? ❜

❛ What was that shit last night? Some kind of fucking scare tactic? ❜

❛ Don't test me. I could have killed you. I didn't. ❜

❛ You're actually angry. I've never seen you angry. This is good. ❜

❛ I should warn you. You can't play on my feelings. I don't have any. ❜

❛ It's a tough job. It can wear on even the best of us. ❜

❛ I yell a lot...and bitch and complain, and I keep expecting people to guess what I want, but I never really say it. ❜

❛ And that was exciting, you know? The not knowing. What might happen, what could be. It was all possibility. ❜

❛ Your life is going to rest in the hands of the criminal justice system you put all your faith in. I wish you the best of luck. ❜

❛ You need help. Let me help you. ❜

❛ You don't have to do this! You don't have to kill this man! ❜

❛ Sorry it had to go down like this. But there really was no other way. ❜

❛ Stay away. Just stay away from me. ❜

❛ Did you happen to be stuffing a human leg into a garbage bag at that point? ❜

❛ There's that anger again. You got to let that out. ❜

❛ You're spinning. Let me help you. It's only a matter of time before you'll hurt someone else. ❜

❛ Take responsibility for who you are. ❜

❛ Why can't you just let me go? ❜

❛ If I got to choose a person... A real person... to be like, out of anyone, it'd be you. ❜

❛ Who joined who in the shower this morning? ❜

❛ For such a neat monster, I'm making an awfully big mess. ❜

❛ Maybe this is how evil works. Destroying everything it touches. ❜

❛ I've been held prisoner in a cabin for two fucking days. Fucking hellhole. ❜

❛ After everything we've been through lately, I just want... to be together with you guys. ❜

❛ You told me to take responsibility for what I am. You were right. ❜

❛ I can't live in this house of cards anymore, waiting for it all to fall down. I need to do something, you know? ❜

❛ If I do this, I need a day to get my affairs in order. ❜

❛ Mention that when they interview you for the story of my life. ❜

❛ Don't leave me in this cage, anything could happen. ❜

❛ I lie to everyone I know... except my victims right before I kill them. It's hard to establish much of a rapport there. ❜

❛ Sorry about the cage. ❜

❛ I've always been curious to try. Do you have any weed? ❜

❛ Love's a battlefield. Or in your case, a restraining order. ❜

❛ When a pretty girl smiles and bats her eyelashes, we're powerless to resist. ❜

❛ I met with a lawyer yesterday. He helped me prepare a living trust that gives you control of all my assets in the event of my death or... certain other situations. ❜

❛ God. Go away. This is creepy. ❜

❛ I'm free tonight, you wanna stop by? We'll have beer, a couple of steaks? I wanna talk to you about something. ❜

❛ I just need you to know that... you and the kids are very important to me. No matter what happens, I want you to always know that. ❜

❛ I know I've been taking things slow with us, but it's not because I don't have feelings for you. It's more like I have too many feelings, and I just wanna make sure to get it right. ❜

❛ I want you gone. Tonight. ❜

❛ I've spent a lifetime keeping up my guard, watching my back, wearing my mask. Relief was never in sight until now. ❜

❛ Lately, I was starting to feel like I had my head pretty far up my ass. ❜

❛ You decide who you are, who you want to be...and you hold onto that and ride it out. ❜

❛ I need some help! Just open the door! I'm being held captive. ❜

❛ Damn, it's good to see another face. I never thought I would. ❜

❛ When something beyond reason happens, it turns skeptics into believers. ❜

❛ If you believe that God makes miracles, you have to wonder if Satan has a few up his sleeve. ❜

❛ I can't exactly feel their pain, but I can appreciate it. ❜

❛ I kinda forgot who I was. I got it straight now. ❜

❛ The term is homicidal maniac. Not that I'm judging. ❜

❛ A public place. You thought I was gonna...That I would slip my needle into your neck? ❜

❛ You're afraid of me now, aren't you? ❜

❛ You're emotionally color-blind. You use the right words, you pantomime the right behavior, but feelings never come to pass. ❜

❛ You know the dictionary definition of emotions: longing, joy, sorrow...You have no idea of what any of those things actually feel like. ❜

❛ I created a monster of my own. ❜

❛ What did you do to make her so pathetically crazy for you? Does your dick dance? ❜

❛ What're we doing home in the middle of the day? She asked, hoping for sex. ❜

❛ Why? Why do I have to make up my mind? ❜

❛ I've never put much weight onto the idea of a higher power. But if I didn't know better, I'd have to believe that some force out there wants me to keep doing what I'm doing. ❜

❛ As it turns out, nobody mourns the wicked. ❜

❛ Am I evil? Am I good? I'm done asking those questions. I don't have the answers. ❜

#sentence starters #sentence meme #rp meme #inbox meme #ask meme #rp memes #*tv #*dexter #*mine

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catsukibakagou · 3 years ago

Text

Hugs with Izuku and Katsuki

Izuku Midoriya

I’m such a simp for him it’s not okay anywayssss

He’s so soft

He’s warm and comforting

It’s like hugging a stuffed animal as a child he’s just soft and warm and he feels like home

Honestly tho poor baby probably gets flustered

It depends, if he likes you but you two aren’t like together for whatever reason he gets so red so so red

But if you’ve been together for a while and you ask for a hug he gives it to you no hesitation because I think it’s one of his favorite forms of affection I think he likes the comfort that your hugs would also bring him

Still gets flustered after a bit tho

I think he always smells good except after training he probably gets really sweaty but I’d still hug him

He either smells like green apple or strawberry soap

Who am I kidding he probably has All might 3 in one soap (gets rid of grime with a smash)💀💀

Maybe there’s an all might cologne out there too if it’s limited edition he only uses it on special occasions I’m so sorry for this 😭

All might: “SPRAY THIS” okay I’m done I swear

Either way I definitely want a hug from him it’s a 10/10 experience

—

Today just wasn’t your day. You felt like absolute crap. You were late to class, you slept through your alarm because you were studying all night for a test. You neglected to check the weather forecast when you were rushing to get to school. It was raining outside, it was absolutely pouring buckets and you didn’t have an umbrella. You were completely soaked, your socks were wet and everything was so uncomfortable. As for the test you stayed up studying for, you feel like you failed and that added to your foul mood.

Now you walk back to the dorms with Uraraka and a bagful of candy in your hand. You and the sweet girl feel as though you did terrible on the test so you decided to cheer yourselves up by buying sugar loaded snacks. The rain patters against the red umbrella Momo made you earlier, you think it’s getting louder before you realize it’s the sound of footsteps hitting the wet pavement behind you.

You turn and you see Izuku Midoriya running towards you. The smile on his face seems to make all of your irritation that accumulated throughout the day evaporate. You don’t even realize you stopped walking until Uraraka says your name. She realizes why you’re so dazed and keeps walking as she shoots you a thumbs up with a smile.

When Izuku stops in front of you before he can even get a word out you realize that he doesn’t have an umbrella. You quickly step closer to him to shield him from the rain. He smells good, his damp hair sticks to his forehead slightly as he catches his breath from running to you. His freckles are like stars that dot the sky at night, you feel as though you can count every single one because of your proximity.

The tips of your shoes touch, the umbrella doesn’t leave you much room. As if realizing how close you two are for the first time Izuku finally stammers out,“Hi, how are you?”

You let out a laugh at the greeting. Izuku smiles along with you, his smile makes the moment sweeter than the candy in the bag. You wrap your arms around him as a form of returning the greeting. In reality you were being selfish, you wanted to feel the comfort that you can only get from being in his embrace. He’s warm, he’s soft but firm in your arms. You feel as if you’re hugging happiness itself. Hugging him is like squeezing a stress ball or counting to ten mentally after Mineta says something stupid, it’s calming.

Hugging him is so reassuring, you feel completely safe in his arms,“Better, I’m doing much better than I was this morning. Thank you.”

“I’m glad,” he says still wearing that soft smile that makes your heart feel warm in your chest but this time it’s accompanied by a soft blush that brightens your mood more. You walk the rest of the way home with his arm linked in yours as the rain patters against your umbrella.

Katsuki Bakugo

Hmm he’s sweaty

I’m kidding but he is warm

I think hugging him is like holding a cup of hot chocolate after being outside in the freezing winter all the warmth is suddenly returning to you and it’s wonderful

I would simply adore being in this mans arms even if it’s in a chokehold

I think that at first he wasn’t really into hugging it’s such a vulnerable action, letting someone that close to you and allowing them to comfort you or vice versa

If you ask for a hug depending on your mood he will complain and say you’re needy and annoying but still give you one or he will simply keep that pretty mouth shut and open his arms

If he wants a hug he won’t say it

if he wants to be hugged simply because he feels like it he’ll kinda just grab you 💀 but if he wants to be comforted that’s all you you’re gonna have to notice he’s upset and you’re gonna have to shimmy your way into his arms

Despite being a sweaty person he doesn’t smell because he uses that all might deodorant that leaves smells saying “I AM NOT HERE”

He smells good I think he was gifted a cologne one day and he got compliments that he smelled nice so he just kept buying it

I would absolutely hug him no hesitation

—

It was quiet at the dorms. It was strangely quiet, silence has been absent from your life ever since you decided to date a certain hotheaded blonde. You excuse yourself from the kitchen where you were talking with Mina and Aoyama. You go down the hall toward Katsuki’s room where you spot Kirishima outside of his door.

He spots you and he looks like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders,“Hey, just the person I wanted to see. He came in not too long ago and he went straight to his room. He hasn’t said a single word to me or anyone.”

You nod in understanding,“I’ll talk to him right now, thank you for trying to talk to him. You should go to the kitchen Sato made cookies earlier.”

The redhead nods and leaves you outside of Katsuki’s door. You knock on the door, your knuckles hitting it three times. There’s no response.

“Katsuki, it’s me. Are you okay?” You call out to him.

You hear a faint grunt but not much else. You hope his door isn’t locked as you say,“I’m going to come in.”

You open the door and close it behind you. Your eyes take a second to adjust, it’s dark in his room he has his curtains drawn and the lights off. You head towards the curtains and push them open. The sun is setting and fading rays of light allow you see his room much better.

Everything is neat and you don’t have to worry about tripping on anything on his clean floor. He’s on the middle of his bed on his side facing away from you. His hair shines a golden like color from the light that the sunset provides. You sit in the empty spot next to him and press your hand on his back and rub soothing circles. He stiffens for a second but then relaxes against your touch.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he says knowing you have questions that want to spill from your lips.

You nod even though he can’t see it,“Who said anything about talking?”

You move to lie down next to him, you settle into the bed and snake one of your arms beneath his own to wrap it around his side. One of your legs swings around his and you press your cheek against his back. He’s warm, you can hear his heartbeat. You know you’re supposed to be the one comforting him but you can’t help but feel comforted yourself from the steady beat that his heart gives you. It’s a soothing song meant for your ears to enjoy, a sweet melody that lets you know he’s really there in your arms with you.

Your words come out slightly muffled but they reach his ears all the same,“Just let me be here for you.”

Katsuki pushes your arm and leg off of him and your heart hurts, he’s pushing you away from him. Before you can do or say anything he turns so he’s facing you and pulls you to him. He presses the side of his face against your chest, in a similar manner to what you were doing a second ago, as he wraps his arms around you.

“Don’t leave.”

—

#bnha x reader #bnha deku #bnha headcanons #bnha bakugou #mha x reader #mha deku #mha bakugo katsuki #i meant to do todoroki too but I got lazy

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yourmcu · 4 years ago

Text

Body Pillow

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x reader

Summary:

Natasha finds you cuddling a body pillow. In your dream, it’s actually her you’re cuddling. It’s Christmas Eve too.

Word count: 1,600

A/n: I’m takin a long time to post but I’ll get em out soon! I hope! thanks for 200 followers btw :))

Warnings: fluff, sleep talking

It’s not a surprise to anyone in the compound when they find you sprawled on your favorite sofa in the lounge. Of course you had a room, but you just love it so much that you’d rather sleep there most of the time. Especially after or before your favorite holidays.

Bidding Sam and Bucky good night as they're the last ones to turn in, you ask Friday to dim the lights and to turn on a Netflix show. If you’re ever wondering why no one stays with you for a movie night or something it’s because you’ve had too many already, and most of the time you don’t mind being alone anyway.

After two or three shows, you finally fall asleep.

Few hours later, Natasha walks across the lounge to get to the kitchen, not all that fazed when she sees a lump shaped like you on the sofa. Though she stops in her tracks when she hears a faint voice coming from your direction.

“Nat,”

She decides that she’s just hearing things, or you probably saw her come in then drifted back to sleep.

When she’s about to return to her room, you speak again.

“Nat,”

She decides to reply this time. “Yeah?”

You don’t respond back immediately. So just in case, she walks up to the sofa to see if something's wrong.

Your hands are wrapped around the side of the body pillow and it's slightly bigger than you. The whole blanket is wrapped around you as well, so Natasha could only imagine how comfortable you are in your sleep.

“You give the best hugs, Nat,” you murmur, still fully asleep, oblivious of the same redhead witnessing it in real life too.

Everyone knows you’ve developed a lil something for Natasha. Does she know? Yes... and no. She refuses to believe you like her that way. If you do, she wants to hear it from you, not from the testosterone of the team.

But seeing you so adorably vulnerable and cute, in a way, it makes her heart flutter.

“I do, huh?” Natasha chuckles from above you and leans down to kiss your hair. “Too bad you’re gonna have to get up soon.”

“Aww, no,” you whine, snuggling closer to the crook of her neck.

Natasha just stands there and tries to process it - you, her teammate and close friend, is dreaming about her. It’s normal, right? Even she has dreamt of the others, including a weird one where Tony and Bruce were riding unicorns-

She flinches when you make a movement, but you just make yourself more comfortable on the pillow, sighing contentedly.

Obviously she’s giving you a good time in your head. Natasha believes she could do better though. If you ever ask her to cuddle, she’d make sure. Am I really jealous of myself right now?

The opening and closing of bedroom doors shake her from her thoughts. She clears her throat and walks back to the kitchen to wait for Wanda so they could make breakfast together. It the day before Christmas, after all, everything has to be special today and the next day.

Wanda enters the kitchen moments later, still a bit groggy from her slumber but she’s in a mood to make a good breakfast. As the pair gets started, they hear a yelp that sounded like yours from the lounge.

“Ow! Tony!”

“Wakey wakey,” Tony teases, defending himself from your playful punches. “For gosh sake, you need to stop having sleepovers by yourself here - you sure you don’t want that sofa in your room?”

You grumble and walk out of the room to get dressed, taking your blanket and body pillow with you.

The lounge and kitchen starts to get occupied by the inhabitants of the compound. One of them being you, out of your pajamas and in a casual Christmas sweater. You greet them with the usual good mornings including Natasha.

“Good morning,” she drawls out. “Sleep well?”

She's curious on how you’d react. But of course you don’t think much of it, you don’t know that she knows what you dreamt about.

“Yeah, it was... nice,” you try to play it cool, avoiding her eyes to pour yourself a glass of eggnog. I mean, look who’s asking. And the fact that she was just about to kiss you in the dream before Tony so rudely interrupted-

“Bet it was,” Natasha smirks after Steve grabs your attention to point out your favorite comic strip on the newspaper, thinking you didn’t hear her.

You chuckle at the Christmas-themed edition of the comic but your gaze returns to Natasha not long after because you did hear her. Maybe she was just being Nat but yeah, the dream was nice. Too nice to be real. You sigh and sip on your drink, getting lost in your own world as Tony loudly rambles about a party to the group.

It was just you and her, so many blankets, watching movies. You don’t know or remember what film specifically, everything was a blur except the way she held you.

As a kid you never got that much affection physically, so every hug from your friends means a lot to you. Well, especially the ones from Natasha.

You couldn’t bring yourself to admit how you feel for her. The men constantly tell you to do it, that it wouldn’t hurt to try, but you’d rather have a close and friendly relationship with Natasha rather than an awkward one just because she didn’t feel the same about you.

The thing is, you don’t know if she shares those kinds of feelings. That’s what Bruce was nagging to you about. ‘You won’t know until you try, until you tell her-

“Y/N, you with us?”

Your hand involuntary twitches as you snap back to the room. “Sorry, yeah. What’s up?”

“Well, instead of a usual party, we’re gonna have a movie night,” Tony says, stealing a piece of food from your plate. “Thoughts?”

You sent him a look but chuckle, “haven’t we already had enough of those?”

“But it’s Christmas!” Tony insists. “And we’re watching Die Hard.”

Steve frowns. “That doesn’t sound like a Christmas movie.”

-----

“Alright Cap, it may not sound like a Christmas movie to you but it’s one of the best.” Sam jokes and plays the movie once all of you have settled.

The theater room is dim and composed of two large sofas, one in front and one just behind it, and a table filled with food. You're one of those who occupied the second sofa behind along with Clint, Wanda, Vision and Natasha. The rest fought for a place up front, which took a while to be honest.

“Hey Nat,” you mutter, eyes not leaving the screen but you do see her from the corner of your eye claim the spot beside you, the one at the edge of the sofa. She gives you a warm smile and makes herself comfortable.

An hour into the movie only the men seated at the front are fascinated by the fighting scenes. Well except for Clint who's seated at the other end, pointing and asking Sam questions about the plot. Wanda and Vision are half asleep leaning on each other, you and Natasha are the only ones calmly watching, probably because you’ve both seen it many times.

You make a sound when Hans Gruber appears on screen again. “Did you know that’s the same guy who played Professor Snape?”

“What?” Natasha chuckles.

“From Harry Potter,” you reply, smiling to yourself. Then you turn to her, “have you watched any of those movies?”

“I’ve heard of it but, no.”

You tilt your head at her, slightly surprised. “You should watch them with me sometime. I prefer the original source material but the films are good on their own.”

You wish you could photograph the way Natasha smiles at you. She’s all smiles today. I wonder why. “I’d love that.”

A loud explosion echoes throughout the room along with yells that sounds like Tony’s and Clint’s, making you yelp and scoot closer to Natasha. She wraps an arm around you instinctively.

“Guys, turn the volume down,” she calls out. Silent chatter fills the room once it turns into a more calmer scene, and Tony told Friday to lower the volume. “You okay?”

Her arm is still wrapped around you and you want nothing more than to hide yourself in the pillow you’re hugging out of embarrassment. “Yeah... m’good,” you manage to say while holding a yawn. Natasha tugs the blanket more snugly over both of you.

“You can sleep if you want,” she speaks softly. “I think they’re planning on watching all the Die Hard movies until dawn.”

“That’s crazy,” you breathe out. Your eyes are starting to droop and your yawns became frequent.

You know that cozy feeling when the room’s cold and you have a warm blanket over you? That’s one of your favorite things (the other one being Natasha).

There are only four of you left on the back sofa since Clint moved to the front. At this point your head rests on Natasha’s chest while she plays with your hair, and one of your arms loosely wraps around her waist. You exhale, falling asleep entirely.

Natasha admires how adorable you slept on her. “I hope this is better than your dream,” she murmurs, gently planting a kiss on your forehead and getting drowsy herself.

You snuggle closer to her, as if it was to say, it is.

779 notes · View notes

lilliagradiewrites · 4 years ago

Text

go get her, kid. (peter parker)

Summary: Peter Parker is hopelessly in love with Tony Starks’ teenage daughter, and Stark encourages him to shoot his shot.

WC: 7.4k (holy shit)

Warnings: Bad language, , really nothing else. A lot of cute peter and a painful amount fluff. A tiny bit of angst too.

A/N: I found myself watching Tom Holland interview clips today and I just couldn’t help myself. Here we are: my first peter parker/ spiderman one shot! I have some Harry and Jj pieces in the works, so keep eyes out for that!

LET’S DO IT!!!

--------

Peter found himself in this position far too often. Staring at you shamelessly while you worked away at whatever was on your desk, usually a school assignment or some tech project. His crush had been going on for quite some time, but it was getting more and more difficult to hide.

You and Peter had been best friends ever since your dad first recruited him. Something clicked between the two of you, causing an instant friendship. As time went on, you grew closer and closer to the superhero, and he quickly became your best friend. You began surrounding yourself with his friends without even realizing it, becoming close with Ned and MJ almost instantly. They were great people, and you loved being around them, but something about Peter was just different. Your energies matched perfectly for some reason. He got your humour, liked the same things as you, plus he was a great conversationalist and an even better listener. Some of your favorite memories were made with Peter.

Despite knowing practically everything about the boy, you were completely oblivious about his huge crush on you. Ned was the only person who truly knew, though many other people had their suspicions. The Avengers had an idea about it, considering you were what he talked about 90 percent of the time. MJ could tell because of the way he looked at you. When he looked your way, his pupils enlarged, his cheeks went pink, and the look on his face was entirely lovey-dovey. It was so obvious just in the way he gazed at you when you spoke.

He was looking at you in that way now, though you weren’t aware. He was meant to be studying (it was the whole reason he came over to your house, or at least that’s the reason he told you), but he couldn’t bring himself to care about chemistry homework when you looked so damn beautiful. Your hair was pulled back into a low ponytail keeping it away from your face as you worked. Your hands flew across the keyboard on your laptop, typing out something Peter probably wouldn’t understand. He was smart, sure, but you were intelligent in a different way. You were insightful and observant, you got things other people couldn’t begin to process. Your brain understood things in a different capacity than most. Peter assumes you got this trait from your father, who was the exact same way.

“What’re you typing? Something for school?”

You nodded, your attention not wavering from the laptop screen. “Yeah, an assignment for AP Lit.”

“Oh, that one project you told me about? With the essay and the powerpoint?”

You nodded again. “Mhm.”

Peter furrowed his brows, moving off your bed to come stand near you at your desk in an attempt to get a better look at what you were working so eagerly on. “I thought that project wasn’t due for another month.

“It’s not. I had an idea for the essay, and I figured if I get started early, I have more time to edit and perfect it.”

“You’re such a perfectionist.” Peter says with a light chuckle, looking at the state of your desk. It was both chaotic and organized at the same time. Pens, highlighters, pieces of paper, a book with annotations scribbled in the margins, notebooks with neat class notes printed inside of them in your pretty handwriting. They were all scattered about the surface, but Peter knew you well enough to know that there was always a method to your madness. As you observed longer, he realized that all of the items were in different sections on your desk, based on categories and subjects. He smiled lightly, realizing that this messy but technically neat surface was probably a very accurate representation of what goes on in your mind.

You finished the paragraph you were typing with a flourish, a satisfied smile resting on your lips. “There. I have a basic outline done for the essay portion. Obviously, I’ll have to go back and add a little more and elaborate on the points, but the basics are there.”

Peter glanced up at your laptop screen. His eyes were met with a never ending sea of typed out words. He smiled; this was so you. Your ‘outline’ is another student's essay doubled.

“You’re gonna write more than that?”

You looked back at him, and he saw your face for the first time during the encounter. His cheeks went slightly pink at the sight of you, and he prayed that you didn’t notice.

You didn’t, or perhaps you just didn’t say anything. You continued on with the conversation without skipping a beat, and relief washed over Peter because of this.

“Of course I am.” You stated with furrowed brows, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “This is so boring and basic, and has no detail whatsoever. Anybody who reads the summary of the book online could write this. I want my teacher to know that I thoroughly read and understood the novel, you know? I don’t want to submit some surface-level shit, I want to really pick apart the undertones of and the meaning behind the story.”

Peter nods, pretending to understand what you meant. He’d barely been paying attention to the words you were saying, too encapsulated with your beautiful eyes to do so. You turned back around towards your work, causing your best friend to snap out of his trance-like state.

“Do you wanna watch a movie or something? I’m bored.”

You had now picked up a pencil and a highlighter, working on the chemistry notes he was supposed to be taking. “Don’t you have work to do, Pete?”

“...No.”

You paused your writing to gaze at him skeptically.

“So you did your book report for english?”

“Yes.”

“Your worksheets for pre-calc?”

“Mhm.”

“You read the assigned chapters for Pschycology and finished the quiz you had to take on them?”

A nod was your only answer.

“What about chem? We have notes, essay questions, assigned reading, and a formulas worksheet due next tuesday. Have you done all of that?”

Peter hesitated for a moment. “Yes, I have.” It was a clear lie. “Can we watch a movie now?”

“There’s no way you did all of that. Go finish your work, and then we can watch a movie.”

A groan escapes Peters lips as he turns, resting against your desk. “But that’ll take forever. Your dad kicks me out at 11:00. We’ll never have time to watch one.” He whines.

You smile slightly, unable to fight it. Not replying to your friend, you spin around in your chair, raising your voice slightly, “FRIDAY, connect to dad please.”, the command directed to nowhere in particular.

“Connecting to Mr. Stark.” The familiar robotic voice echoes throughout your room.

“What’s up, Y/N/N?”

“Hey, Dad? Can Peter stay a bit later tonight?”

“Why?” Your dad’s voice replies through a hidden speaker, his tone almost accusatory.

“Because he wants to watch a movie but I won’t let him until we’re done with homework. We won’t have enough time to finish the movie if he leaves at normal curfew? Pleeeaseee, Dad?”

You can hear your father sigh. “Fine, but only because it’s not a school night and I’m feeling generous. He’s gotta be gone by one though, no exceptions.”

Both of you smiled widely, and you erupted in cheers. “Thanks, Dad!”

“Kid, be ready for training at eight. A later curfew doesn’t mean an exception from your early morning saturday sessions.” The statement was directed at Peter, who nodded, despite your father not being able to see him.

“Got it, Mr. Stark.”

“FRIDAY, disconnect.” You heard Tony’s voice from the other side.

“Disconnected.” The sound of the AI confirming the command filled your room, and the space fell into a brief silence once again.

You spun in your chair, turning to face Peter with a smug smile on your face. “There, now we can get our work done, and watch a movie. Satisfied?”

Peter nodded, giving a roll of his eyes and heading back over to his workspace on your bed, plopping down and continuing his assignments.

An hour and half later, Peter gave a heavy sigh, finally closing his textbook with a smile. “All done!” he announced proudly.

“With everything?”

“Yes, everything.”

You closed your notebook you’d been working in, standing up. “Great. I’ve been done for half an hour, I’ve been working on future assignments while I waited for you to finish up. Ready to watch that movie?”

Peter nodded excitedly. He loved watching movies with you, because you always cuddled up close to him on your bed while you watched. Peter loved being in close proximity to you, even though it made him a little nervous.

“What do you wanna watch?” He asked, beginning to clear his things off your bed.

“I don’t know. We can discuss while we go make popcorn.”

Peter’s eyes lit up; he loved popcorn.

“Okay!” He tossed the rest of his things in his school bag, zipping it up quickly and dropping it in the corner of your room. “Lets go!”

You chuckled at his childlike behavior, following him out of your bedroom door towards your kitchen. The entire journey down the stairs, down the hall, and to the kitchen was filled with Peter going on and on about movies he wanted to see.

You grabbed the microwave popcorn from the pantry, unwrapping it and tossing it in, starting up the machine.

You continued to listen to Peter as soft popping sounds filled your kitchen.

“Oh, you guys have Disney plus, right? What if we watched that new star wars show thingy? The mandalorian?”

You smiled at this statement. Though you didn’t see the boy in any way but a friend (at least that’s what you told yourself), you found Peter’s Star Wars obsession very cute.

“I mean, I would watch that, but I don’t think I’d understand it.”

Peter’s brows furrowed. “Why not?”

“Because I’ve never seen the movies.”

You watched in amusement as Peter’s jaw dropped, his eyes widening in shock. “You’ve NEVER seen the Star Wars movies? Are you kidding me, Y/N?”

You laughed at his reaction, moving to fetch the fully popped popcorn from the microwave and transfer it into a bowl. “No, I’m not kidding. I’ve been meaning to watch them forever, but I guess I never got around to it.”

“I can’t believe this!” Peter exclaims in disbelief. “We’ve been friends for a year and a half now, and you’ve never seen the Star Wars movies? This is insane! I talk about them so much… did you just never understand what I was talking about?”

You shook your head, chuckling. “Nope, I never have. I kinda just let you talk about it, because I planned on watching the movies. I figured I’d understand what you meant when I watched them.”

“Holy shit… we’re watching the first one tonight, Y/N. No arguments, we’re doing it.”

You grabbed the now prepared bowl of popcorn, smiling at your friend. “Alright, let’s do it.”

You headed back up the stairs, the sound of your footsteps accompanied with the sound of Peter murmuring in disbelief as you made your way to your room.

Once the two of you arrived at your destination, you closed the door, placing the bowl of popcorn on your still cluttered desk.

Peter climbed into your bed, while you rummaged through your drawers in search of comfy clothes. “I’m gonna change into pj’s before we start, i want to be comfy.”

Peter nodded. “FRIDAY, put Star Wars: The Phantom Menace on Y/N’s TV.” He spoke out in a slightly raised voice. The movie appeared on your screen, waiting to be started as you changed.

A few moments later, you emerged from your bathroom, now wearing a pair of Nike shorts and a slightly oversized t-shirt.

“Y/N, this is about to change your li-” Peter’s voice trailed off as he looked at you. The oversized shirt you were wearing… was his.

He choked on the piece of popcorn he’d been eating. “I-is that my shirt?”

You looked down on what you were wearing, realizing that it was, in fact, Peter's. “Oh shit. Yeah, sorry. You left it at the lab once, dad gave it to me to give to you, and I guess it just got mixed in with my clothes. I’ll wash it and give it back.

Peter shook his head, coughing again. “No, it’s okay. You can keep it. It looks better on you anyway.” his cheeks went pink as he realized what had just left his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say the last part.

Your cheeks went even pinker at the compliment, which you couldn’t deny made your stomach flutter a little bit. “Okay, thanks.” You smiled at your friend, climbing into the bed beside him. You cuddled in close to him, probably closer than need be, but Peter didn’t seem to mind.

“FRIDAY, start the movie.”

---

A few hours later, the credits were rolling, and Peter was red in the face. You had fallen asleep halfway through the movie, and had moved even closer to him in your slumber. You were now full-on cuddling the boy, and he had no idea what to do. Your leg was moved over his, your head lay on his chest. One arm thrown around his waist. He liked having you this close, but his stomach was in a constant state of butterflies, and he was worried that the sound of his heart beating loudly in his chest would wake you.

He didn’t know what time it was, but it must’ve been close to one, because a knock sounded from the other side of your bedroom door.

Without waiting for an answer, Tony entered the room. “Alright, kids, it’s almost curfew, time to wrap it up…”

His eyes landed on you and Peter, cuddled up in your bed.

“Kid, what the hell is going on here?”

“Mr. Stark! Um, Y/N fell asleep while we were watching the movie and she kinda… I don’t know.. Ended up like this? Nothing’s going on, I swear, it’s just… I didn’t want to wake her up…”

Peter’s face was the color of a tomato at this point. Stark still had his suspicions about the boy’s intentions, but had a feeling that Peter was telling the truth. “Alright, then. You’d better get your ass home and get some sleep. Like I said, you don’t get a free pass from training because you were cuddling with my daughter till one am.”

Peter’s eyes went wide. “No, Mr. Stark, I- We weren’t… I Wasn’t…”

Stark chuckled at the boy’s flustered state. “I’m screwing with you, Kid. Now get the hell out of my house. I’ll see you at 8 AM sharp at the compound”

Peter nodded frantically. “Yes, sir. 8 AM. Got it.”

Tony turned and left without another word, leaving Peter slightly panicked. Did Mr. Stark think that something was going on between him and Y/N? Would he be mad if there was? Peter didn’t know what to think, but he knew that he should probably leave before Tony decided to come back.

Peter climbed carefully out from underneath Y/N, setting her head gently on her pillow. He tried his very best not to wake her as he moved out of the bed.

“Goodnight, Y/N. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Love you lots.” Peter whispered to his ‘best friend’, planting a sweet kiss on her forehead. With that, he slid your window open, climbing out of it and swinging his way home.

Peter was completely oblivious to the fact that Tony had been standing quietly outside your door when Peter said his goodbyes, and Tony saw the entire encounter. The ‘goodnight’, the ‘i love you’, the sweet forehead kiss.

Tony had his suspicions, but that night it was confirmed: his newest recruit had it bad for his daughter.

Strangely, Tony didn’t find himself terribly angry over it.

The next morning, you awoke to the sound of your alarm blaring frustratingly loud. You groaned at the noise, picking up your phone to turn it off. The time on your phone screen read 7:00 AM. Groaning again, you pulled yourself reluctantly out of bed. As much as you hated getting up out of bed, you knew you had to if you ever wanted to complete your training. Your father had promised you that you’d get a spot on his team if you trained hard enough, and you were extremely determined. It had been your dream for years to become an Avenger, so you had been training your ass off for months to earn your spot.

This is how all of your Saturdays had begun for many weeks. An alarm going off at seven in the morning, waking you up to get ready for training at eight. It was a normal routine for you at this point, but for some reason the early wake up never got easier.

You moved about your regular morning routine, heading straight for your bathroom to brush your teeth and wash your face. Once your basic hygiene was done, you brushed through your hair, changed into some clothes (your training uniform was at the compound), grabbed your phone, and headed downstairs.

You made a beeline for the kitchen, where your father was already making his morning coffee. When he noticed your presence, he gave you a tired smile.

“Morning, Y/N/N. Sleep well?”

Still half asleep, you gave an exhausted nod. “I shouldn’t have stayed up that late last night. I’ll yell at Peter when I see him. He always manages to convince me to let him stay late.”

For some reason, your father gave a light chuckle at your words. “I bet he does, sweetheart.”

Your brows furrowed at his statement. Something about his tone of voice didn’t sit right with you. “What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask, making your way over to fix yourself a cup of coffee.

Your father smiled smugly at you, passing over the coffee pot and a mug. “Nothing, honey. Be ready in fifteen.”

Still suspicious, your eyes followed him as he placed his coffee mug in the sink and moved from the room. Why was he acting like this? Did Peter do something last night? You remembered falling asleep halfway through the movie, not being able to make it through the whole thing. Had something happened while you were sleeping?

Deciding not to let it bother you, you pushed the interaction from your mind, focusing solely on fixing your coffee. You were barely functional without it, and you knew you needed to be fully aware for training. You had to prove to your father that you could keep up with the Avengers, and that you’d be a useful asset to their team.

You downed the coffee quickly, knowing you had only a few minutes left to get ready. When your father gave you a time warning, he always meant it. And, you knew all too well, he would leave you behind if you were going to make him late.

He’d done it twice before.

Once you had finished chugging the remnants of your coffee, you placed the mug neatly in the sink, right beside where your father had left his. The drink had been an instant pick-me-up, and you automatically felt more awake. You found yourself getting more and more excited for the day ahead of you. Though waking up early on saturday mornings was a pain in the ass, you did enjoy training. You got to exercise, learn about cool technology, and screw around with your best friend. What wasn’t there to like?

Now that your best friend had crossed your mind, you pulled out your phone to text him. You sent him a message every morning, or he sent one to you. It was just a thing the two of you did. Over the past year the two of you had been close, it became some sort of routine.

Y/N/N: morning spidey. u awake?

Within moments, he was typing out a reply. He always answered your messages quickly.

Spidey: yes i am :) ready for training? I’m gonna kick ur ass in sprints today

You chuckled lightly at his response. You and Peter had always been insanely competitive towards each other, and it really jumped out during training. Unfortunately for you, Peter usually won the challenges. You always blamed it on the fact that he had more experience and super strength; he blamed it on the fact that ‘you suck’ and ‘he’s just that awesome’.

Y/N/N: u can try, but idk how that will work out. I’ve beaten u in all of the other sprints for weeks.

Spidey: doesn’t matter. I’m showing out today

Spidey: bring ur a-game, irongirl.

You smiled at the message.

Y/N/N: always do, spiderboy

He started typing back immediately, and you knew exactly why. He called you irongirl to screw with you, so you had begun calling him spiderboy to get on his nerves. It worked every time.

Spidey: Y/N!!! It’s spiderman!!!

Y/N/N: spiderboy!!! It’s nova!!!

Spidey: ugh. Ur impossible.

You grinned widely. Your playful banter with Peter has always been one of your favorite parts of the friendship.

Y/N/N: but u love me anyways :)))) see u soon

Spidey: u better be glad i do. see u soon

You reread the texts, unable to fight the smile on your face. Everytime you interact with Peter, you remember how much you truly love him. Being an avenger, and the daughter of one of the smartest and most famous men on the planet, wasn’t easy. Peter was the only one who had a taste of the madness that was your life. Having him around was having a sense of normalcy, and so were incredibly grateful for him.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of your voice being called from the front door of your house.

“Y/N! Time to leave!” Without hesitation, you locked your phone, slipping it into the pocket of your sweatpants.

You hurried towards the front door, not wanting to be left behind again. When you arrived, your father was already standing there, holding the door open. You gave him a smile and a quick thank you for holding the door, then made your way out. The driver was already waiting patiently in front of your house. This was one of your dad’s six drivers.

“Morning, Bernard.” You say kindly to the driver, climbing into the back seat of the range rover. “How are you today?”

“I’m doing wonderful, Y/N. How are you?” The older man replied. You really liked Bernard, he was one of your favorite drivers. He was an older man, in his mid seventies, and you found him to be the sweetest person in the universe. Sometimes, he’d bring you your favorite candy when he used to pick you up from school, and he was always so considerate and kind.

“I’m good. Tired, but good.”

The man smiled at your reply. By this point, your dad had finished locking up the front door of the house, and he climbed in the backseat beside you.

“Good morning, Mr. Stark.” Bernard said professionally to his new passenger, and your dad nodded as a reply.

“Morning, bernard.”

The conversation ended there between the two men. Your father wasn’t a very social person with people he didn’t know, and Bernard was aware of this fact. He mostly talked to you when you were in the car, and Tony went on his phone and did Lord knows what.

“How is Dorothy doing? Is she feeling better?” You asked the man as he began pulling out of your driveway. Dorothy was Bernard’s wife, and she’d gotten sick the week prior. Given her age, Bernard was very worried about her.

Bernard smiled at your question. “Much, much better. They released her from the hospital yesterday, she’s back home and doing great. Thanks for asking.”

“Of course!” You grinned back. “Did you ever find out what she had?”

“Pneumonia, just a very bad case of it.”

You nodded in understanding. “Well, I’m glad she’s better! I was worried when you first told me.”

The conversation continued, talking about anything and everything as you drove to the compound. He told you about his wife, his four kids and what they’re doing. His granddaughter had a baby a few days before, and he was extremely excited about it.

After a 20 minute drive, you pulled up to the building you knew so well. Bernard went to the normal procedure of getting through the front gates, and then pulled up to the front of the compound.

“Well, here we are.” Bernard announced, parking the vehicle. You and your father began climbing out of the backseat.

“Thank you, bernard. Tell your granddaughter I said congratulations!”

He wished you a kind goodbye, and then you were gone, leaving the car and heading towards the compound.

When you walked into the main section of the building, you spotted your best friend in the kitchen. You had to admit, he looked incredible, standing near an open window in the early morning light. He was already dressed in his sleek, black training uniform. It was tight against his body, showing off his muscled body. Sometimes, you forget how beautiful Peter is.

“You’re staring…” A singsong voice came in your ear. You whipped your head towards the voice to see your father walking away from you, smirking. You stood there, feeling slightly confused. Had you really been staring at Peter?

At times, you forget that Peter is only your best friend. The two of you act like an old married sometimes. You spend all of your time together, and you know each other so well.

Strange feelings you couldn’t understand had crept up on you before, especially recently. You couldn’t deny Peter was attractive, and he was a great person, too. How could you not love him? The issue is, you found yourself loving him in a different way than before…

You shook your head, clearing your thoughts. You couldn’t be thinking about this right now, it’s not the place or time. Peter was standing right in front of you, and you needed to be focused for training.

You could process your feelings and emotions at a later time.

You began walking up to Peter, who was leaning up against the counter holding a cup of coffee.

“Morning, loser.” You said teasingly, greeting your friend. His head snapped in your direction, and he smiled when his eyes found you. (You thought you could see his cheeks go pink, too, but you forced yourself to ignore it.)

“Hey! How’d you sleep?”

“Pretty good.” You replied, leaning against the counter beside him. “I didn’t even notice that you left last night, I was really out. Did my Dad come in and tell you to leave?”

The pink in Peter’s cheeks darkened at your statement. Of course, this was the perfect time for your father to reenter the room. “Yeah, I did. He seemed very comfortable, but I kicked him out at one.”

Peter and your father were making direct eye contact. Your dad had that stupid smirk on his face, and peter was bright red.

You looked between the two of them, not knowing what to think. Before, you were just suspicious, but now it was confirmed: something happened last night between the two of them, and you were determined to find out what.

Hours later, you’re completely exhausted from training. You worked your ass off, and had successfully beat Peter in sprints.

“That’s right! You lost! How amazing is spiderboy now?”

Peter rolled his eyes in mock annoyance. “Whatever, Y/N. I let you win.”

Your jaw dropped. “You did not! I won because I’m better!”

Peter just smiled at you. You took a swig of the water bottle in your hands, turning around to look at your friend as you did.

The sight you were met with was very sweet. Peter stood there, smiling at you with a look you could only describe as adoration. You looked back at him, a small grin resting on your face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” The brunette boy says cheekily.

“Why are YOU looking at ME like that, Parker?”

You took a step closer to him, his eyes widening slightly at your movement. He said nothing in response to your question (though it felt more like an accusation), and you smiled again.”Got nothing to say?” Your voice was barely a whisper.

“Parker!” You jumped what felt like 20 feet in the air at the sound of Natasha’s voice, breaking up the little moment between you and Peter.

You stepped back away from him, and you couldn’t help but notice the sadness flash across his face before he turned to the other woman in the room.

“Yeah, Nat?”

“Tony needs your help in the lab. I believe his exact words were ‘he needs to be here in five or I’ll kill him.’ A few minutes have already passed, I’d start running if I were you.”

Peter’s eyes widened for the second time. “Oh, shit, okay. Thanks, Nat.” He turned his head quickly in your direction. “I’ll meet you in your room when I’m done, okay?”

You nodded with a smile. Peter planted a quick kiss on your forehead before jetting off in the direction of the lounge.

Grinning to yourself, you turned towards the sink, your back facing Natasha. You begin cleaning out your now empty water bottle, thinking over the previous interaction with Peter. You loved when he kissed your forehead.

“So, how long have you liked him?” You were so deep in thought, Natasha’s voice made you jump once again. When you’d fully processed her words, your cheeks went pink.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Oh, don’t give me that. I know you like him.”

“Like who?” Play dumb. That’ll throw her off your trail… right?

“Peter! Come on, you’re caught. Just admit it, Y/n, you’re making things harder on yourself.”

Finally, you sighed. Drying your hands on a towel, you turned reluctantly back towards Nathasha. “Is it really that obvious?”

The woman broke out into a grin at your words. “Of course it is! You two are hopelessly in love with each other. It’s almost hard to watch.”

Your cheeks went pink at her statement. “With each other? Oh, no. You mean I’m hopelessly in love with him. It’s not mutual. I’m just his best friend.”

Nat rolled her eyes dramatically. “Oh, come on! ‘Just his best friend’ my ass. He loves you, Y/N. He’s even more obvious than you are.”

You shook your head quickly. “No, I promise you’re wrong.”

She looked at you pointedly. “I was right about you, wasn’t I?”

“Yes, but…” Your voice trailed off. You couldn’t argue with that. Nat grinned smugly at your reaction.

“That’s what I thought. Please confess to him when he meets you in your room later. It’s painful to watch, I can’t do it any longer.” And with that, Natasha was gone, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

Was it really thought obvious? Could everyone tell how you felt about peter? You could hardly even tell how you felt about him; the line between best friend and crush had been blurred for so long. If everyone could tell that you were hopelessly in love with your best friend, you would be incredibly embarrassed.

Even worse… what if Peter could tell that your in love with him?

You shook your head, as if clearing your thoughts. No. You couldn’t think like that. Of course he didn’t know; he would’ve said something.

Right?

Sighing, you walked off towards your room to take a shower, pretending you weren’t going to think of him while you were in there.

---

While Natasha was exposing your feelings, you were completely oblivious to the fact that Tony was doing the same thing to Peter in the lab.

When the boy walked in, Peter fully expected that he was being called for one of three reasons.

One: Tony had a new mission for Peter.

Two: Tony needed help with an experiment.

Or, three (the scariest option): Tony wanted to scold him for (albeit unintentionally) cuddling with his daughter the night before.

Peter could only be described as apprehensive as he walked carefully into the lab, where Tony was hunched over a table, working on something that Peter couldn’t see.

“Mr. Stark?” Peter spoke nervously, a timid way of letting Tony know of his presence. “Nat said you needed me. Is that true, or was she just trying to get rid of me?”

“No, no, I called for you.” Tony replied. He made a few last touches on whatever he was working on, then turned around towards peter. “I wanted to talk to you.”

Okay, option two is eliminated. Now, the question at hand is: will it be option one or three?

“Oh, okay. What about?” Peter said casually (or at least, that's how he hoped it came across.)

Tony gave a pointed look to the boy before speaking again. “My daughter.”

Peter’s eyes widened slightly.

Shit, shit, shit.

Option three it is.

“Is this about last night sir? I swear I can explain-” Peter was quickly speaking.

But, before he could finish, Tony was cutting him off.

“This isn’t about last night, kid. I mean, it kind of is, but not really.”

Peter’s brow furrowed.

Unknown option number four?

“What do you mean, sir?”

“I saw what happened before you left last night. The forehead kiss, the ‘I love you,’ all of it.”

Peter was bright red in seconds. “Oh…”

“Do you love my daughter, Peter?”

The boy’s cheeks somehow managed to go a darker shade of pink.

“I-I uh.. O-of course I do, she’s, uh, she’s my best friend.” Peter stammered out.

Tony narrowed his eyes. “That’s not what I mean, Peter.” The man says, his tone borderline accusatory. “Do you love her, love her?”

Silence. Peter didn’t know what to say, so he opted for nothing at all.

“I already know the answer, Peter, so you might as well just come out and say it.”

Peter pondered his next move. If he played his cards wrong, this conversation could end in him losing his life. Tony Stark was not one to be messed with, especially when it comes to Y/N.

On the other hand, Tony Stark was not one to be lied to, either.

Peter sighed, accepting his fate. “How did you know?”

Much to Peter’s surprise, Tony gave a small smile. “I see the way you look at her, kid. I’ve looked at many girls like that in my day. That enamoured look. You're in love with my daughter, and I have some questions.”

“Questions?”

“Yes, questions, kid. Keep up.”

Peter nodded. “Alright.”

“How long?” Tony asked.

“How long…?” Peter didn’t understand what Tony was aking.

“How long have you been in love with Y/N! How long have you known?”

Peter looked away, breaking eye contact momentarily out of nerves.

When did he begin loving you? Now that he’s truly thinking about it, he can’t really remember.

Maybe it was the first mission that the two of you did together, back when you still known as irongirl. It was a bank robbery, an easy task that Tony had given for your very first mission.

Maybe it was that one time when you dragged him out of bed at 6 AM so that you could show him your favorite coffee shop.

Perhaps it was when you took that faithful mission to Asgard, when you gained your powers accidentally, earning your new title as Nova.

Or, it could be the time that you and him stayed up late binge watching a show he couldn’t remember. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you that night. You looked so beautiful that night, getting excited as something cool happened in the show. Your hair was tied back, wearing an oversized shirt, your face makeup free. He couldn’t help but smile as you laughed, and didn’t think he’d ever heard a more beautiful sound in the world.

Yeah, he thinks it was that night.

“Um… about ten months ago, I think? That’s when I realized, but I think I’ve loved her for longer. I just forced myself not to acknowledge it, I guess.”

Tony nodded in understanding. “I get that. What is it about her?”

Another question the boy had to think about.

“There’s a lot of things, I think. Like how excited she gets when she talks about things she’s passionate about. Oh, and the way she laughs when something’s funny in a movie or a show or something. And the way she sends me memes or videos that she thinks are funny. They’re usually not very funny, but of course I think it’s hilarious just because she sent it to me. And she always listens to me when I talk, even if I’m talking about something stupid and boring like science stuff I think is interesting. She talks back to me like she cares what I’m saying, and I know she probably doesn’t, but she acts like she does, and that’s enough. She always drags me out to go on adventures, or, at least, that’s what she calls them. Usually it’s just going to get coffee or try out some new restaurant she heard about but it’s still fun. She’s just so amazing, and I think she makes me the best version of myself.”

The rant ended, and for a moment, Peter forgot that Tony was even in the room.

“Damn. I wasn’t expecting that. I’m impressed, kid. To be honest, I expected some shallow answer like ‘she looks hot in her suit’ or something like that.”

“No, sir. Of course, she’s beautiful, but Y/N is just so much more than that.”

Tony gave another sweet smile to the boy in front of him.

“She likes you, too, you know.”

Peter’s head snapped toward Tony again.

What the hell did he just say?

“What?”

“Y/N. She likes you.”

“No way. She just sees me as her best friend. I’m probably like a brother to her. She doesn’t like me like that.”

“But she does, kid. I know my daughter better than I know myself. She is head over heels for you, spidey. Which is why you should tell her how you feel.”

“Tell her how I feel? Why would I do that?”

“Because she likes you, too, and then you two will be stupid kids in love.”

“Are you serious?”

“Aren’t I always?”

Peter paused for a moment. “I thought you’d kill me when you found out I liked your daughter, not convince me to go talk to her about it.”

“I’m gonna be honest with you, kid. I brought you in here with the intention of killing you, or just telling you to stay away from my daughter. But after you went on that little rant about why you loved her, I just couldn’t tell you to keep away from her. You really love her, kid, I can tell. So go talk to her.”

“You’re sure you won’t be mad if I ask her out?”

Tony shook his head and smiled.

“Go get her, kid.”

-------

Freshly clean and feeling a significant amount better, you sat on your bed scrolling on your phone. Thoughts of Peter had begun to fade (mainly because you forced them out of your mind) and that helped to keep you from stressing about what’s to come.

You had decided to confess how you feel to Peter.

True, this plan could ruin everything. Today could be the day you lost your best friend, and that thought made you want to cry.

But today could also be the day you finally get to kiss the boy you’ve loved forever, and that thought also made you want to cry.

You didn't have much time to think about it further, however, because Peter was knocking on your bedroom door.

“Y/N? It’s me. Can I come in?”

You paused immediately, your heart rating speeding up.

Oh, shit. This is it. This could be the beginning or the end of you and Peter Parker.

You took a deep breath, steadying yourself. It was now or never.

“Yeah, Petey, come on in.”

The door opened, and the boy you loved so much walked in. His cheeks were pink, you noticed. His cheeks only went pink when he’s nervous. Why was he nervous?

You could tell by his damp hair that he had also showered before coming to your room.

“I need to talk to you about something.” He rushes out.

Oh.

“Same.” is your reply. What else are you meant to say?

“Oh, really? Well, uh, you can go first. I’ll wait.”

You shook your head frantically. “No, you first. You said it first, so it’s only right that you go.”

Peter’s hand went to the back of his neck, rubbing it. Another nervous habit of his.

“Can I sit down?”

You nodded. Why was he even asking? Usually he’d just plop down whenever he pleased, no questions asked. This behavior was very out of character for the boy you knew so well.

The boy sat down on the edge of your bed, and then took a deep breath. “Okay. I don’t know how to tell you this, but I just have to. I don’t want you to hate me, and I really hope this doesn’t affect our friendship, but…”

Peter paused for a moment, and looked into your eyes. They were brimming with concern, and he just couldn’t hold it back anymore. He broke the eye contact you’d been maintaining, mustered up all the courage he could, and then blurted it out.

“I’m in love with you. I have been for I don’t know how long. I wasn’t planning on telling you, because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, but it was starting to get physically painful and I just- I can’t hide it anymore. I love you and I’m sorry.”

Peter clenched his eyes shut, unable to look at your face. He waited (very anxiously) for a reaction, but it never came. Eventually, he opened his eyes, gaining the burst of bravery it took to look at you.

Your jaw was dropped, the expression on your face unreadable.

Oh, no. No no no no no. He’d fucked up. He fucked everything up and now you were never going to speak to him again. He’d lost you. Damn you, Tony Stark.

“Y/N…” He began his apology solemnly. “I’m-”

But he never got to finish his sentence.

Because you were pouncing on him before he had the chance to.

You were on him within seconds, kissing him with so much intensity that he fell back on the bed. He was taken aback for a moment, but quickly kissed you back.

For a moment, the two of you just lay there, wrapped in one another, kissing like there was no tomorrow.

A kiss that made up for all the ones both of you had longed to have in the months before.

You pulled away gently, looking into Peter’s eyes.

“I have loved you for so fucking long, Peter. I was going to tell you that I loved you today.”

“Are you serious?”

You laughed lightly. “Of course I’m serious, you dumbass.”

“Hey!” Peter feigned offense.

You pecked his lips. “You’re a cute dumbass, though.” And then you were kissing him again, and it’s all you could’ve asked for.

----

After a while, the two of you had finally tired each other out, and now you sat cuddled against each other on your bed. No movie or show was playing; it was just you and Peter, listening to each other’s breathing and the sound of your heartbeats.

You looked up at the beautiful boy you were cuddling with, only to find he was already looking down at you.

“Aren’t you going to ask me out, Parker?”

Peter’s eyes widened, and his cheeks went red (for the millionth time that day.)

“Oh, yeah, I- I just thought- nevermind, uh- Y/N, will-”

“Yes, of course I’ll be your girlfriend, Petey.” You cut him off, saving him a few extra minutes of nervous stammering.

He smiled sheepishly at you, then leaned down to bring you into a kiss.

You cuddled back down into his chest, smiling warmly.

You can confidently say that right now, in this moment, you are the happiest you’ve ever been.

#peter parker #peter parker one shot #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #peter parker angst peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x reader #marvel fanfiction #mcu

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dreamescapeswriting · 4 years ago

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Write Up ~ KTH [Request]

WORD COUNT: 2.3k

GENRE: Fluffy, jealous, established-relationship

PAIRING: Taehyung x Fem!Reader x Seungmin (for like a couple of paragraphs)

A/N: As soon as I saw Puppy dog crush I had to make it Seungmin! Hope you enjoy!

Staring over at the clock on the wall you hoped it was just a little fast and that you weren't being stood up by your boyfriend Taehyung, time seemed to be moving slower now that you were staring at the clock on the wall. It was a Wednesday afternoon which meant it was his afternoon off and he could come and spend the afternoon with you in a small cafe in the middle of Seoul. It was the cutest cafe in the whole of the city, right down an alleyway which meant that hardly anybody knew that the place existed and that you were free to just let your hair down. The two of you had been together secretly for the last year and a half and this was one of the weekly routines that you would do together in this one spot. The owners knew you both well and would always make sure to have your orders waiting for you whenever you came in to work in the shop. You'd been working as a songwriter for years in the industry, working with people not just in the Kpop industry but with Western artists too. It was something you were very well known for since people liked to collaborate with you a lot, forming friendships and business relationships with different singers and groups was intimidating but something you'd always longed to do.

A couple of companies had gone to you with the task of creating some love songs for their performers, all you were told about them was that the people that would be singing the songs would be female. You weren't allowed to know anything else except for that which was why Taehyung had offered to come by and help you with writing. Writing songs alone wasn't normally an issue but you'd been struggling a lot with this one, Taehyung offered to help as a way of couple bonding with you. Spending time together while getting to write about your love life in a song that would be able to be heard by people all over the world.

Tae: I got caught up, reschedule for next week? You smiled down at your phone, at least this time he text you telling you what had happened and you weren't left waiting. It wasn't like you were mad at him for being late or not showing up, you understood what it was like for him being so busy all of the time.

You: No problem baby, I'll head home after writing down some ideas x It wasn't as though it was a big deal having to write on your own but Taehyung felt bad for making you do it. He wanted to be the one there helping you out with the lyrics. In a way, it would be "your song" without everyone knowing that it was about your relationship. No matter how hard Taehyung had tried this week he couldn't seem to catch a break, no matter what he did everything seemed to pile on top of him more and more. Although he was supposed to have every Wednesday afternoon off he'd been so caught up and behind with recordings that he didn't have the chance to have the day off. It felt as though he was being rushed off his feet all of the time and had no chance for time to himself but he was going to make it up to you.

"Y/n?" You looked up when you heard an unfamiliar voice call out your name and smiled when you saw who was standing there. You couldn't believe it when you saw who it was it was as if the universe was throwing you a bone since Taehyung wasn't coming to meet you.

"Seungmin?" You questioned as you looked up at the boy you used to know really well. You and Seungmin had gone to the same school for years and got along well with one another but after graduating you grew apart and ended up losing touch with one another. He didn't look much different than before only a lot taller and his hair was dyed black rather than his natural brown colour but it felt so weird to see him after all this time.

"What brings you out here?" You laughed softly as you pushed the chair that was in front of you out from under the table so that he could sit down with you. It had been so long since you'd even seen him it felt odd to just bump into one another while you were out and around the city. You figured he would be too busy with his own group to come to smaller places like this. You'd watched him on his show and always sent moral support online whenever you could, not knowing if he'd see it but still wanting to be there for an old friend.

"I come here a lot, I've never seen you before it's normally some couple sitting here," You felt the heat rise up over your body as you thought about someone see you and Taehyung here together and you nodded. Clearly, no one knew it was Taehyung since he was always in a disguise, the same hat, sunglasses and mask to keep himself hidden away. The booth was normally reserved for you and Taehyung to sit in by the couple that ran the cafe, they always made sure your spot was free.

"Guilty, it's normally me and my boyfriend," You smiled at Seungmin and he smiled back, the huge puppy dog smile you loved so much spreading across his face.

"Do you want to join me?" You asked as you waved over the owner who had been staring at you wondering who it was that had decided to join you.

"You look busy, I don't want to interrupt anything..." Seungmin said slowly as he looked at the papers that were covering the small table. Even though he really wanted to stay with you and do nothing but sit with you all day he didn't want to stop you from doing your work. The truth was that Seungmin had always had a crush on you even when you were in school together, he'd always had a puppy crush on you. Although everyone else knew that it was obvious you were oblivious to it all, just thinking he was a close friend.

"I'm just working on a song but I'm struggling. Maybe you can help?" You suggested as you showed him everything you already had down which was half of a drawn spider-diagram with the words, "Lovesong," written in the middle.

"Love songs? Not your field of expertise?" He asked as he sat down in the chair and looked over the notebook, small doodles of hearts and things were drawn around the edges but not much else. It was a lot like most of your work in school with the doodles around the outside edges.

"You would think I'd be great at them but I always seem to write the same thing over and over again." You admitted as you scratched the back of your neck, normally you would be able to write non-stop but when it came to love you only knew one kind and you didn't want it to be one-note for everything.

"Can I get my usual please Zyliara?" You asked the owner who had already taken out her notebook and wrote it down before turning to look at Seungmin for his order.

"Oh, can I get a strawberry milkshake and taiyaki?" Seungmin thanked Zyliara and you laughed again at the thought of his order. Some things never changed after all the time in the world,

"It's still your favourite? I remember you would only ever order that whenever we went out for lunch in our final year," You smiled as you remembered fond memories from your time in school. Seungmin made the process of something that was normally terrible that much more bearable.

After catching up with one another the two of you finally got down to working on some love song lyrics. You had a small mp3 player with the track you'd made which made the process a lot simpler but what both of you had failed to notice was people seeing you both. Passing you in the nearby window and noticing that it was Y/n Y/l/n famous songwriter and Kim Seungmin from Stray kids. Once photos were taken of the both of you it spread like wildfire but neither of you had noticed since you were so lost in your own worlds. You'd gone home that night happy that the song was almost complete, you had some minor adjustments to make to the chorus and backing tracks but other than that the song was perfect. Seungmin had been a great help to you, you both exchanged numbers so you could catch up again and even work for him sometime in the future if his company allowed it.

"Alright! I'm coming jeez!" You called out to whoever was frantically ringing your doorbell at 8 am on a Thursday morning. It was far too early to be woken up like this, you scrambled over to the door and angrily swung it open to see who was standing there,

"Tae?" You questioned rubbing your eyes as he made his way into the apartment with an angry look across his face. He was red in the face as he burst through the door but you couldn't think why he would be so mad at this time in the morning. The last time you'd spoken to him was before you went to sleep after leaving him a voicemail telling him that you had finished the song you were working on and didn't need help anymore.

"I thought we were going to work together...I thought it would be nice to write about our love life..." You frowned as he spoke so fast you could barely understand what he was trying to say to you. Shutting the door to your apartment you walked further into the house to ask him what was going on,

"Tae what are you talking about-" You stopped questioning him when he pulled out his phone to show you articles after articles about you and Seungmin sitting together. Photos were splashed everywhere with different titles, one of them being,

"The collaboration of a lifetime." And another of you and Seungmin rather close together edited with hearts around your heads and labelled,

"Kim Seungmin and Y/n Y/ln spotted cosying up to one another...Another hot love life or another hot single coming to the charts?" You stared at the phone for a second before looking back at Taehyung.

"Tae, he's an old friend..." You tried to tell him but nothing was going to stop Taehyung from being hurt by the way fact that you were writing a love song with somebody else. Somebody that wasn't him.

"Does he even know you have a boyfriend?!" He snapped out jealously as he looked at you, throwing his phone down onto the sofa behind him as he waited for you to answer him. All he could think about when he saw the images was how everyone was going to assume you were a couple with him now. That his girlfriend was going to be seen with other male artists who were

"Yes, he's seen us together before but he doesn't know who you are since you're always in disguise. Tae we're just friends," You told him again as you tried to make it seem as though it wasn't a big deal. Which it wasn't. Seungmin had always been someone you saw as a younger sibling, nothing more and nothing less.

"But why did you finish the song with him...I thought we were going to do it together? We should have done it together, we're the couple here..." You knew why he was upset over it so you tried not to get angry at him for this.

"Tae. You've been so busy I thought you would have been relieved not to have to stress out over another song with me." You admitted as you took his hand in yours, trying to calm him down as much as you could you gave it a small squeeze. You didn't want this to turn into a huge unneeded fight between the two of you.

"It wouldn't have stressed me out...Writing with you is one of my dreams Y/n...We've spoken about it for months," He admitted as he looked at you you smiled weakly as you met his gaze, he looked tired. More so than usual now that you looked at him properly. He had bags under his eyes and looked like he hadn't slept much in weeks.

"How about we write a different song together, our own song? One for you and me alone?" You suggested as you reached up to cup his face in your hand and run your thumb over his skin. His eyes slowly fluttered shut and a tired smile began to grow on his face at the contact of your hand and he leant against it, snuggling against your hand as he enjoyed the feeling of being there with you.

"That sounds good." He moaned out tiredly, enjoying the feeling of your hand on his skin too much to fight back against it, not that he wanted to. The idea of you having your own song sounded better than someone else singing about your love together.

"Do you know what will sound better?" You asked him as you moved your hand down to his shoulders and began to massage him through his clothes,

"Hmm? What?" He hummed as he opened his eyes slowly to look at you,

"I run you a nice hot bubble bath, I give you a massage and then we order in? Let me make you feel good Tae," You suggested as you looked at him he nodded happily. Nothing sounded better to him right now than spending the entire day off. Since he'd already called in sick to the boys anyway, there was nothing back home that he had to get home to and he could spend all his time with you instead.

Tagline: @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @rjsmochii @fan-ati--c @kneel-begyourpardon @taestannie @bisexualmess007 @innersooya @sw33tnight @sweeneyblue1 @jin-from-the-block

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prurientpuddlejumper · 3 years ago

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Cozy Sweaters

Jackson Neill x Reader

Sequel to Cold Hands, requested by @detectivebarba & written for @storiesofsvu’s Fall Bingo!

Warnings: Angst. Angst. Angst. Fluff?

Summary: Oh my god they were roommates.

3,350 words

September 8th

The living room of your apartment—what used to be your apartment—was abuzz with heated voices.

“We’re sorry, but you said you were moving out!”

“So you just gave away my room?! I’m allowed to change my mind!”

Your roommates glanced between each other, awkwardness thick in the air.

“Ed is moving here all the way from England on the promise that he would have a room. He already bought his plane ticket. We’d really be screwing him over.”

“But… where am I supposed to go?”

Jenny sighed and shook her head. “Listen, if this wasn’t so last-minute, I’d understand, but you were supposed to move in with your boyfriend next week. We already made plans to fill your spot…” She really was sorry, in other words, but you were stuck.

“Can’t you still move in with him?” Todd added, and Jenny shot daggers from her eyes.

“He cheated on me!”

“Yeah, but you said he didn’t want to break up, right? Just work things out.”

“I am not,” you hissed through gritted teeth, “ever taking him back after what he did.”

September 13th

Every one-bedroom apartment listing in the greater NYC area was out of your price range. You tapped your friend group, colleagues, and acquaintances for roommates and came back empty. You went on Craig’s List and met with a few strangers seeking roommates. The ones who weren’t terrifying never called you back.

Meanwhile, Jackson Neill had been blowing up your phone.

Well, not blowing up—the first night he got drunk and filled your inbox begging you to come back, sobbing and slurring into your voicemail, spamming indecipherable text messages. The next morning, a single text read: “I’m sorry. That was inappropriate, and it won’t happen again.”

And it didn’t.

But he sent another message a few days later telling you he’d found some more of your stuff, if you’d like it back. That you were always welcome to talk if you wanted to. He wanted to be there for you. You didn’t message him back.

September 14th

It was a cold, rainy day on campus, so you risked taking a shortcut to the dining hall. You turned the corner of an old brick building, and there he was, walking out of the Department of Religious Studies, jacket collar pulled up over his neck because the forgetful fool could never remember his umbrella.

He froze at the same time you did.

All you could hear was your pulse drumming inside your skull like rain. You knew you’d run into him eventually, but you hadn’t decided how to react, and your body wasn’t offering any suggestions.

He gave you a pitiful smile and lifted his hand. “Hi.”

“Hey.”

One leaden foot shuffled in front of the other, and you kept walking. He nodded with a wan smile and sad eyes and didn’t chase you.

The outdoor seating was closed because of the weather, so the dining hall was crowded and buzzing. You snatched a small two-seat table just as another student left, brushing a stale French fry off it onto the floor. Sinking down to enjoy your cheap sandwich, you glanced around the crowd.

A middle-aged man with a soggy jacket and salt-and-pepper hair, who had no right to be so breathtakingly handsome, was searching desperately for a seat while precariously balancing a tray of soup and coffee.

He felt your gaze on him, and you were fixed with a beam of frozen green eyes.

You waved him over.

“I wasn’t following you, I swear.”

“I don’t know, eating lunch? At lunchtime? That can’t be a coincidence.”

The corner of his lip wanted to smile, but he didn’t seem entirely sure you were joking.

“Just sit down and eat,” you sighed. “There’s nowhere else.”

He sat.

Silence crackled between you like the sky before a thunderstorm as you ate your lunches.

“So,” Jackson started cautiously, “how have you been?”

You gave a dry snort. “Oh, just fucking peachy. I’m going to be homeless in two days, thanks to you.”

“What?!”

Jackson listened with a deepening frown as you told him about your roommate plight. Then he offered you a room at his house.

“Go to hell. I’m not going to move in with you like nothing ever happened!”

“No, it wouldn’t be like that. I have a spare bedroom. It’s a big house, and I could use help with the bills. Please—it’s the least I can do. Just until you get back on your feet.”

September 17th

It wasn’t like you had much choice.

You moved into Jackson’s house as originally planned, albeit under different circumstances. Instead of sharing his bed, he cleared out the spare room he’d been using, in theory, as a “gym,” and in practice as a storage closet. There was plenty of space, and with how late he always worked at the university, you’d barely see him anyway.

This might just work out.

September 20th

This was never going to work.

Your heart broke all over again every morning you walked downstairs and saw Jackson in the kitchen making pancakes, because every time, you had to fight the urge to come up behind him and wrap your arms around his waist like you used to do.

God, you wanted him back. If only you could erase the image of him with her from your mind.

October 7th

Jackson begged you to take him back.

One thing after another had gone wrong after he publicly confronted the Meyerist Movement. The cult pressured the publisher to pull his book. The university put him on leave while they investigated his alleged relationship with a student. You wandered into the living room that night and found him curled up on the couch, and his resolve broke.

There were tears in his eyes as he tried to pull you into a hug, and when you jerked away, they cascaded down his cheeks. He kept saying he was sorry over and over.

“Please. I need you. Everything is falling apart—if I could at least have you to hold onto… just one thing that wasn’t broken. Please, just tell me how to make it up to you. Haven’t I done enough? If I could take it all back, I would. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me? Please let me hold you?”

This was hard for you, too. Part of you wanted to give in, tell him it was all OK, let him kiss you, and see him smile. The worst part of all of this was that you still loved him, but you could never trust him again. He put on such a sweet, innocent act—he was a wonderful boyfriend—but now you knew he was a manipulative liar.

You should never have moved in.

“There’s no undoing the past. We both need to move forward, not back. I’m going to start looking for other places to live.”

October 8th

Morning brought a more sober Jackson knocking at your door. Dark circles hung under his eyes, but he hadn’t been crying recently.

“Please don’t feel like you have to leave. I can get my shit together. I’m calling a therapist today.”

“That’s a good idea.”

“Yeah.” He stared at his feet, shifting on the hardwood floor.

“Jackson… I’ll only hurt you if I stay. This is too hard on you.” For us. “Besides, I can’t freeload here forever.”

“You do pay rent, you know.”

“I know, but—”

“I only have the kids every other weekend, and it’s a big house. It gets lonely. You’re doing me a favor being here.”

November 10th

In the last month, Jackson convinced you there was no hurry to move out.

He was a great roommate. He cooked, cleaned, respected your boundaries. He was a truly decent man, if an unfaithful lover, but since you were just friends now, it didn’t matter who he fucked. The biggest concern was that he wanted you back, and living together was a constant source of emotional pain. But on that front, he finally seemed to be moving on.

Whenever the topic came up, he assured you that you were welcome to stay as long as you wanted.

“It’s just so hard to find a decent place in my price range.”

“I mean it,” Jackson reiterated, adding emphasis. “If you want to stay, I enjoy having a roommate.”

You searched for hidden motives in his voice, his expression. Was this part of a long game to get you back? But his tone was friendly and open. Knowing how quickly he jumped from his ex-wife to you to Sarah, there was no way he didn’t already have his eye on someone new. At this point, you were just roommates.

“You mean permanently? Isn’t living with an ex a recipe for disaster?”

He chuckled. “The last few years with my wife were much worse than this, trust me. We were trying to stay together until the kids went to college, but emotionally, we were already divorced. It was awful… sharing a room. Constant fighting.” His eyes took a dull, faraway look as he remembered.

Worry lines creased your brow. “Are you sure you want to put yourself through that again?”

He grinned, snapping out of it, and patted you on the head like you were one of his kids. “You are nothing like her. We’re friends.”

You liked the sound of that. Friends.

November 14th

The sound of screams greeted you as you opened the front door and hung your keys on their hook next to your jacket. Jackson was watching a scary movie marathon in the living room, apropos of the foggy autumn weather.

“Candyman. Care to join?” He patted the cushion beside him.

You stayed up past midnight in your pajamas, sharing popcorn, laughing, and hiding your eyes from the gory parts. Jackson remained on the opposite side of the couch, careful not to touch you.

November 19th

You caught Jackson having lunch with an attractive student. It made your blood freeze, then boil when he walked with her back to his office.

Alone.

Fists clenched, you pressed your ear to the closed door, and heard… an essay on the role of religion in perpetuating homophobia. He was helping her edit a paper. Like professors do.

You followed them all the way from the dining hall just for talking.

When did you become a crazy ex? Why would you care if he was schtupping a hot student? You wanted him to move on—you were glad he didn’t tear up every time you walked into the kitchen anymore. But you knew then that you weren’t over him yet.

If you saw him out with someone new, it would sting like he was betraying you all over again. So you tried hard to be the one to move on first.

November 30th

A car honked outside.

“Oh, that’s my date,” you apologized to Jackson. “Gotta go.”

You got a little rush of schadenfreude from the kicked-puppy look that flashed across his face as you left him mid-conversation, sitting at the kitchen table across from your abandoned teacup. It felt like a big fuck-you, letting him know you’d be fucking someone else. A dare: let’s see if you really meant it when you said we could be friends.

But the look had barely contorted his features when he swallowed it down and smiled, “Be safe.”

He was probably going on plenty of dates himself and just didn’t tell you out of consideration for your feelings. He didn’t want you to feel used, betrayed, and immediately replaced. You were both moving on.

After a string of Tinder hookups, you felt like Jackson was out of your system, romantically speaking.

December 17th

A light dusting of snow floated down through the pale morning air. Jackson woke up on the left side of the bed, as he did every morning, and as he did every morning, turned to his right hoping to find you there. The blankets were cold.

He shivered.

You had a date last night and didn’t come home. He waited up, but never heard your car in the driveway, your keys in the door. Since you weren’t there to see his red eyes, he allowed himself to cry.

February 14th

A dull, rhythmic thumping carried through the walls. The creaking of a mattress. You cried out a name, voice cracking as you came for the second time.

It was the same guy again.

Casual hookups he could handle, but it had been the same guy for weeks now. Jackson told himself he deserved this. This was what he did to you, only while you were together. When you trusted him not to. He deserved to hear the one he loved being taken by another man.

As much as he wanted you to be his, you weren’t. He had no right to feel burning bile rising in his stomach at each of your moans and gasps. You were doing nothing wrong.

“You live here. Of course you can have dates over. No, it’s not awkward. We’re friends.”

A hot tear slid from his eye as he buried his head in a pillow.

This guy better take care of you.

May 1st

He didn’t have a roommate anymore. Not really. You spent all your time at Rodney’s apartment.

Soon you would move out, and he’ll have lost you forever.

He wanted to warn you not to move so fast, but what right did he have to judge? He let you move at the same pace with him. Let you trust him, fall in love with him, have a spare toothbrush on his sink within a few months. All the while, he figured a little action on the side wouldn’t hurt. Did he think he could chase two of you at once and get to keep the winner?

Idiot.

Sinner. That’s what his mami would say.

The few times you were home, he didn’t express his concerns about your boyfriend. He would only sound jealous, and it would push you away. If he wanted to be someone you would still answer the phone for when you moved out, he had to be a good friend, not a jealous ex.

Fuck. He hoped it worked out between you and Rodney. He really did. He hoped you were happy.

October 2nd

You came home for the first time in weeks crying. Heavy tears rolled down your face, legs shaking as you crawled up the stairs to your bedroom. Jackson was off the couch in an instant, spring up to follow you.

“Hey… Hey, what’s wrong?” He gingerly touched your shoulder, palm spreading out to make comforting circles when you didn’t shake him off. “Did something happen? Do you want to talk about it?”

You shook your head, sniffing as you slumped down onto your bed. Jackson sat beside you, worry etched into his features. He was so cute. After all this time, he still cared about you. You thought about all the times he’d begged for you back, in the beginning, desperate to hold you again. Fuck, you just wanted to feel that wanted again.

“Rodney and I broke up,” you mumbled.

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear th—”

You gripped the hair at the back of his head and tugged him roughly into a kiss. Every muscle in his neck and shoulders tensed. A surprised noise was muted between your crushing lips. You could have sworn, for a moment, he started kissing you back, but then his big hands clamped like two vices on your shoulders, and he pushed you away.

“What are you doing?” His eyes were wide.

“What does it look like?” you purred, fingers clawing at the buttons of his cardigan. “I want you to take me, Jackson.”

His hands stopped you from leaning close again. “No. Stop it.”

“Come on, this is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

“We can’t… I won’t take advantage of you like that. You’re just upset, and—”

“Fuck you! So you’ll fuck anyone and not give a shit—you’ll fuck around on me and break my heart, but you won’t fuck me when I’m asking you to?! The one time I just need you to be there, and now you’re on your high fucking horse, pretending to be a good guy?! I bet you’d screw Sarah! Fuck you. Fuck you!”

Your shoulders shook as your tirade broke down more and more into sobs. Deep down, you knew he was right. You’d regret it in the morning. But you couldn’t he just… want you?

“Why? Why not? Am I that… am I that unlovable?”

“Because you crying.” Tears were shimmering in his eyes as he said it, softly wiping a tear from your cheek. “You’re crying.”

With a gasp, you threw yourself down on the bed and buried your face in a pillow. You screamed into it, your own breath hot and wet against your face. Jackson’s weight shifted the mattress beside you, and your hand shot out in panic, blindly groping toward the movement. You felt pathetic. Needy. But you didn’t want to be alone.

“Don’t go.”

The mattress sank back down under him. “I’m not going anywhere. I won’t take advantage of you, but if you want me to stay, I’ll stay. As long as you want.”

That was all you wanted to hear in that moment, to know someone wouldn’t abandon you. His warm hand rubbed your back in slow circles as you wept, patiently listening as you told him everything in disjointed, broken pieces. How you were just being paranoid—invading Rodney’s privacy when he left his phone unlocked. You were paranoid because your last boyfriend cheated. Then you found the lewd messages, and it didn’t seem real. Plans to meet at a bar downtown. You didn’t believe it until he was toweling off, telling you something came up with his mom, and he’d be out for a while. And you followed him down to the bar and saw them together.

“He was an asshole,” Jackson said.

“Am I doomed? Cursed? Why does everyone cheat on me? Is it my fault?”

“No. Of course not.”

“Shut up! You did it, too,” you snapped. “I’m just not special enough to hold anyone’s attention. I’ll never be enough.”

“No,” he growled with a ferocity that startled you, “You’re wonderful, and anyone would be lucky to have you. That guy was an asshole, and so was I for taking you for granted. You did nothing to deserve this. One day you’ll find someone who appreciates you… who learns to treat you the way you deserve to be treated before they lose the best thing to ever happen to them.”

You shifted to press yourself closer to him. The tears didn’t stop, but a warmth spread through your chest. Jackson felt like a cozy sweater—warm and familiar. Easy to cry into. His arms were surprisingly solid and thick, but gentle when they closed around you.

He was a comfortable old sweater you could slip back on after leaving it in the closet for a year.

***

Hours passed by, and you had no more tears left. No energy left to move. Jackson was still beside you, keeping watch, as promised. You were curled up with your head in his lap, his fingers in your hair.

When he was sure you were asleep, he carefully extracted himself from under you, gradually shifting your head onto the pillow so you wouldn’t wake up. He breathed, heart aching as he looked down at your sleeping form. You deserved better than tear-stained cheeks. He knew he had no right to be so angry, but he couldn’t stand seeing you hurt again.

You wouldn’t have been if he had just…

He let his tears fall silently. This was about you, and he didn’t want to make you console him, but you were asleep now. He could let go.

He ran his fingers through your hair one last time. Then, with a furtive glance, he bent and pressed a tender kiss to your forehead.

“I love you,” he whispered. “I never stopped.”

• ● • ━━━━━─ ••●•• ─━━━━━ • ● •

Tags: @beccabarba / @itsjustmyfantasyroom / @thatesqcrush / @dianilaws / @permanentlydizzy / @mrsrafaelbarba / @madamsnape921 / @astrangegirlsmind / @neely1177 / @onerestein / @dreamlover31 / @isvvc-pvscvl / @shroomiehomie / @storiesofsvu / @welcometothemxdhouse / @feedthemadness-sweetie / @law-nerd105 / @amelia-song-pond / @michael-rooker / @xecq / @madpanda75 / @alwaysachorusgirl / @bananas-pajamas / @leanor-min / @mad-girl-without-a-box / @katierpblogg / @worldofvixen / @sassyada / @detectivebarba

#Jackson Neill #jackson neill x reader #my writing

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miss-choco-chips · 4 years ago

Text

Bird Watchers

It was something like an open secret in Gotham, that even though all it’s heroes were open to help no matter the situation, each one of them had a special affinity to certain matters.

For example, children from all districts knew to yell for Nightwing if they found themselves lost and scared. Small business owners often painted little Oracle symbols on their doorsteps, to warn away possible thieves with the knowledge that Gotham’s cryptic hacker had their eye on them. Working girls would send a quick prayer to the Red Hood before seeing their seediest clients; and as such, knew who to call for if things took a turn for the worst.

And Red Robin… well. His was a very specific bunch.

---.---

Warnings: depression, suicide attempts, overdose comic-typical violence (discussed, not explicit). Hurt-comfort all the way, baby. There’s also one scene, with the redhead, that I copied from the comics.

(it’s almost 2 am, I wrote half of this in one go, don’t @ me for mistakes. I’ll edit tomorrow. Maybe.)

---.---

The first time he stopped a suicide, he had just turned thirteen. The suit still felt wrong, too loose in all the places where Jason’s bigger presence would have been a better fit. Too small, too brainy, not brash enough, not good enough.

He would never think himself worthy, but he was all Batman had. There were no other candidates, not ones he could have thrown the job at without risking Bruce’s identity, so he’d have to make do.

But even so, he had been gaining a little confidence over the past few months. His training with Shiva, and Dick’s and Bruce’s focus on making him as ready for the streets as humanly possible, had ensured he never encountered a situation where he couldn’t handle himself, or get back up in time to avoid any casualties.

Except for right now.

“Hey! Don’t do it, please!”

Yeah, maybe yelling at the man precariously balanced on the edge of a how many feet tall building wasn’t his wisest moment. He’d berate himself later. Now was freak out time.

Said man stumbled for a second before regaining his footing and turning to look at Tim. He couldn’t be more than forty, with a bit of an overgrown beard and tired eyes. He had something clutched in one hand, tanned and calloused from work, the other over his chest, probably due to the scare of having a bat suddenly appearing behind him.

“R-Robin…”, he gasped, shook out of whatever reverie he was going through for a second. “W-what… I mean, why are you…?”

‘Okay, Tim, breath. Can’t call B, he’ll notice, get startled and jump. Can I catch him if he does? My grappling hook is made to withstand more than my weight, but if I can’t handle the strain of swinging us both to safety…’

He couldn't risk it.

“Good evening, Mr…?”

Surprise and good manners made the man automatically answer, “Ed. Ed Harrinson.”

Encouraged, Tim took a tiny teeny step forward. Ed’s entire body shock and he leaned backwards. Tim froze, fear keeping his breathing and heartbeat hostages for the time being, stopping the first and kick starting the second.

“Mr Harrinson, I’d like to ask you to step away from the edge? I’ll call an ambulance for you, and…”

“No!”, the man screamed, suddenly over his surprise, a look of determination trying to masquerade his obvious exhaustion. “If you call an’one, I’ll jump.”

Tim wisely kept the ‘you were gonna do it anyway’ to himself. He nodded slowly, hands emerging from the confines of his cape to show Mr Harrinson the lack of a communication device.

“I won’t, then, but may I come closer? Please?”

It was on the last word, high pitched and wavering, that the man cracked. With wary demeanor, he waved him over, pointing to a patch of rooftop a little far but close enough for Tim to feel comfortable- or as comfortable as he’d get, in these circumstances.

As he approached, he could feel the man analyzing him. The little gasp when he stood by his side didn’t go unnoticed.

“You are… smaller than I imag’ned. Too small for a bat. My boy’s taller than you” he mused, likely to himself, but Tim grasped onto that bit of information and clutched at it with both hands, desperately.

“I’m short compared to my peers, so maybe I’m the same age as your son. How old is he?”, he asked, in his most conversational tone. Fear still had a grasp over both his lungs and heart.

Something in the man’s face shifted.

“He… he just turned fifteen.” Older than Tim, then. Ed continued, “He’s… ”, in a second, the sadness was replaced by pride, “he’s grown up p’tty well, if I say so m’self. A fine young man, that kid. He’ll go places.”

For a beat, Tim tried to imagine his own dad here. As much as he’d hate to see Jack in Mr Harrinson’s place, he couldn't help but wonder if he’d be talking about him the same way Ed spoke about his son.

He… didn’t think so. If on the verge of death, thoughts about his son would probably be the farthest from his dad’s mind.

“You sound like you love him very much. He’s a lucky guy” he said sincerely, a tendril of hopefulness still twisted around his stomach. His hands weren’t shaking any longer, finding solace in the fact that the man in front of him didn’t look like he was about to jump right that second.

Mr Harrinson’s face fell.

“Got served an’ unlucky hand, with an old man like me”, his eyes went back to the abyss, to the empty, poor litten streets below them. “Go ‘way, kid. Leave m’ be. Notta business what I do. Gotta do this f’r my kid.”

Fear came back, full force.

“I- Sorry, but I can’t help but think about your son”, he blurted out, the only bit of information he had about the man was his only tendril of hope. “Someone who loves his child as much as you seem to must be a good father. A father that… would be missed dearly, if lost so young.”

Mr Harrinson looked even more devastated. Tim was doing this all wrong, wasn’t he?

“There’s no other way t’ keep’im safe!'' he yelled, and for a minute Tim thought he had decided to jump then and there. Instead, he dropped to his knees, hands to his head, paper still clutched in one fist. “They’ll get to him if I don’t! Once I’m dead, they’ll just leave’im alone!”

Tim crouched next to him, tentative.

“Who is ‘they’, sir? Maybe I could help…”

Ed was already shaking his head.

“Nay, they said not to go to the bats. Kill my boy, they will, if I do. Seen them offing others for less, so I believe them.”

“Ah, but I’m too short to be a bat, am I not?” he smiled, wobbly at best but sincere. “Besides, who’s gonna tell them you spoke to me? I”, he gestured to his mask, “know how to keep a secret.”

He considered for a beat, before tired shoulders fell, defeated. He offered the slip of paper towards him, unseeing eyes on the street below.

Robin read the note carefully, noting the sloppy penmanship and cheap paper as well as the message itself.

“Mr Harrinson…”

“I know”, he whispered, “I know working for the Black Mask wasn’t my best idea. But m’boy needed to eat, and the landlord was gettin’ impatient. And now, for whatever reason, boss wants me dead. And if I make ‘im dirty his own hands, he’ll dirty ‘em twice and send me with my son for company to the other side. Felix is too young, and he’s good. Can’t let ‘im pay f’ his old man m’stakes, ya hear me?”

Tim thought his words over carefully.

“Mr Harrinson… I don’t think this comes from Black Mask himself”, for one, Blackie wasn’t one to avoid blood on his gloves, nor to send such a shitty note. The man lived for the drama, like most A-listers did, and he’d never forgo the aesthetic of an expensive peachment and beautifully worded threat. Also, if he wanted this man gone, he would have put a bullet in his head the second he clocked in; and if it were revenge he was after, he wouldn't have gotten a warning note but his son’s head sent to him instead.

He folded the paper and put it into one of his multiple pockets, free hand going to the man’s shoulder.

“I know Black Mask’s M.O, mister, and this is not it”, no need to spook him further by describing what it was, though. “Probably just a colleague who wanted your position, or has a grudge for whatever reason. And that, I can help you with. If you work with me on this one, we can both make sure Felix has his Dad making breakfast for him tomorrow morning, and all the days after that. After all”, he smiled, no longer uncertain now that he had firm ground to work with, “your son is going places, and he’ll have to be well fed to reach them, right?”

Mr Harrinson’s smile must have had magical properties, Tim thought. There was no other explanation for the way it returned his breath back to his body.

---.----

The next time he saw a jumper, a few months later, he was slightly more ready for it. Bruce had congratulated him on his work with Mr Harrinson, and the subsequent raid they could make on one of Black Mask’s warehouses thanks to the man’s information, but Tim hadn’t been satisfied until he had read every single mission report on the batcomputer about attempted suicides. And succeed ones, too. Need to know what went well and what didn’t, after all.

So when he saw the fifty-something woman crying on top of a tower in City Hall District, he didn’t almost-crash in his attempt to get there in time. He landed softly, making just enough noise to let her know she wasn’t alone, but careful to not startle her.

“It’s a little cold up here, Lady. If you’d like, I can walk you home?”, he tries for cheeky, despite the cold fear nesting in his stomach like a grumpy, spiteful bird.

The woman, sitting by the edge, turned her head to look at him. The movement called attention to her long, strawberry blonde hair, neatly braided, and her pretty diamond earrings. The face under her perfect make up was gaunt and pale, tear tracks cleaning paths of skin to his trained eye.

Despite him interrupting what probably were very private thoughts, she smiled at his approach, kind and polite. It didn’t reach her eyes, but the intent to put him at ease was generous enough.

“I may be a lady, but any adult worth their salt would insist on walking the young child home, instead of the opposite. Besides”, she patted the rooftop under her,” I live here, so it’s not a long walk at all.”

Tim stepped closer, carefully.

“May I sit?”

“I could use the company for a bit”, she accepted, head turning back to the city below.

They sat there for a few minutes in silence, before Tim’s soft voice broke it again.

“Is there anything I can do to help convince you not to do it? Please?”

The lady smiled. “You are a very sweet boy.”

“That’s… not an answer. Can I at least know why?”

“Won’t it torment you, in the future, if we speak now?”, she asked a question of her own, turning to face him again. Despite her words, there was nothing but kindness in those deep green eyes. “If you don’t know me, I’m just another one who jumped. If we talk, I’m afraid I might stay with you long after I’m gone. You are too young for that kind of weight.”

Tim swallowed.

“That’s easily solved, Miss;”, Dick’s rule of thumb; if unsure, always call a lady Miss before Mrs “don’t do it.”

She spared him a long, meaningful look, and he slumped over.

“Not my best, I know, but I’m kinda freaking out now?” She wasn’t like Mr Harrinson, no motive he could see, no strand to pull and unravel her pain. “Please, just… why?”

She patted one of the hands gripping his own knee. His other hand rushed over hers, sandwiching her cold, slim fingers between his gloved palms.

“There’s nothing left for me. I have a nice job, live in a pretty side of town, have friends, and still… it feels so empty. So… Meaningless. Why even bother?”

Tim chewed on her words silently. He was way out of his depth. A tangible, physical problem? He could solve those, no biggie.

Depression, though… that was a different giant to tackle. Was he even prepared enough to?

A strong gust of wind made the lady with braided hair shiver. Without thought, Tim unclasped his cape and draped it over her slim shoulders.

“Aren’t you cold?” she asked, head tilted like a curious woodland animal. Tim felt strongly protective of her, of this kind, sweet lady, who said she had it all, except the one thing that mattered to her.

“I’m used to it”, he shrugged. “This suit is very warm, but cold air often trickles down from the neckline and… well. Gigs of the job and all that.”

The lady tutted, frowning for the first time since Tim arrived.

“That won’t do, young man. You need a scarf. The nights will only get colder from now on.”

He shrugged again.

“I just… don’t have the time to buy one. And I had one, but… There’s these kids who often hang out by the park, and they were so cold, I just couldn't swing by and ignore them. So I gave them my scarf to share between them. I’m just kinda bummed that I don’t have more to make sure they all stay warm.”

The braided haired lady hummed for a second.

“Well… I knit”, she started, carefully. “I don’t have children or grandchildren to give my final products to, so they’ll go to waste after I’m gone. If you’d take them out of my hands, you’ll do me a favor.”

Tim wanted to say no, unwilling to make this any easier for her, but the chance of getting her away from the edge was enough to quell his voice.

She went and came back within minutes, a big cardboard box balanced over her shaky arms. He rose to help her, meeting the woman halfway through the roof, a good distance away from the abyss.

“This red one would look good with your suit… oh, and the green one, to keep with the theme! Or maybe the yellow one… Shame pink would be such a bad fit for your colors, because that wool is the best I worked with…”

Tim’s hand carefully took said carf out and looked it over. There were about six others in the box.

“I could take this to those kids I mentioned before… It’d still not be enough for all, but more to share between them means less cold.”

She hummed again, looking at the unfinished projects on the bottom of the box.

“If… If you give me a few days…” she muttered. “I mean, I’m in no rush”, a hand vaguely gestured towards the rooftop’s edge. “I could spare a few days finishing those, and you could take them to these kids you spoke about… and maybe, I can help make a few children less cold with this silly hobby of mine.”

Elated beyond words, Tim nodded vigorously, waxing poetry about her work and about just how excited little Ellie would be with this soft, pretty pink scarf.

His patrol route could use a few detours, after all, if that meant keeping Braided Hair Lady away from her roof.

---.----

He was just returning from a late supply run when he bumped into The Cats.

It was in an alleyway, a block off from Mrs Eloise Denvarow (formerly known as Braided Hair Lady). The older woman had caved after three months knowing each other, of Tim passing by her apartment once every other night to pick up her baked goods or knitted masterpieces, to distribute between street kids and working girls, and told him her name. It was said in passing (“Stop with that ‘Lady’ thing, honey. It’s Eloise”), as if lacking importance, when in reality it meant the world to him. Sure, he’d already known, having run a background check on her the minute he came back to the cave after stopping her from jumping, but there was that implicit vow between them, that she wouldn't tell him her name and jump, wouldn’t make him carry its weight on his shoulders forever, so it was… it was a promise, on her end, a reassurance, and Tim wasn’t even embarrassed that he cried in her arms like a baby for ten minutes.

So here he was, a month after that, still riding that high, when the desperate call from below caught his attention.

There were two teens on the dirty ground, nested among cracked bottles and old newspapers. The girl was lying in the boy’s arms, with him screaming for help.

“Robin! Thank fuck!”, he almost sobs, arms visibly tightening around the girl. Tim wants to ask how he knew to call for him, and if the proximity to Mrs Denvarow’s place was luck or not.

But it wasn’t the time to ask.

The girl was pale, which only highlighted the bruises on her face. Someone with a big fist punched her. It doesn't seem likely, considering just how distraught the other kid is, but he checks his hands just in case; fortunately, too small for that kind of damage.

She’s also breathing erratically and, when he puts a gloved hand to her neck, he realizes just how crazy her pulse is.

Fear Toxin? Except Scarecrow is still in Arkham as far as he knows, and even if he had gotten away recently, he needs time to develop his precious chemicals. Joker’s Venom and Mad’s Hatter drugs don’t have quite this results, and Ivy doesn’t usually attack street girls just for kicks; they are also too far from her usual turf for her to be a viable suspect.

So, that leaves very few choices.

“Overdose?”, he ventures a guess, hand already fumbling through the pockets on his belt.

The other boy sobs harder, nodding while looking down at the girl in his arms. Tim gently takes the girl from him to position her straighter, to help her down the vial he finally found in his belt. It was supposed to help flush out any chemical in a few minutes, tops; they usually used it when a new type of Crazy Criminal Drug made its way to the streets and they didn’t have the time to properly prepare an antidote. It was strong, and vicious in its path to devoid the body of any and all external agents, which was why it wasn’t a preferred method; who’s to say the civilian in need of a flush isn’t in some important medicine? The Big Flush, as Dick calls it, lacked any kind of finesse or discrimination.

But it was their best shot right now, so there goes nothing.

There’s silence while they watch the girl’s progress. He doesn’t bother asking if he called for an ambulance; they are obviously minors, probably homeless, and even if the Wayne Foundation takes care of children’s hospital fees, they’d avoid it to keep themselves out of the foster system.

But then, the kid kept talking.

“I… I found her near Grant Park. I… I didn’t know what to do, so I dragged her here. She/” and then he breaks again, hands grasping one of hers, as if letting go meant he was giving up on her and he couldn't bear it.

“Grant Park is only five blocks away,” Tim thinks out loud, mind already a mile away “and Moench’s Row illicit night clinic is about the same distance from there as this place. Why did you bring her here?”

“She… Alley… Oh, her name’s Allison, by the way. And I’m Thomas. Tom.” Introductions, miraculously, seem to do the trick here and calm him down. “Nice to meetcha.”

Tim’s not deterred by his toothy grin, but he has to admit he’s kinda cute. Like, stray cat cute.

Huh. Alley, Tom, cat… Yeah, that checks.

“What happened with Allison?” he presses softly, one arm still keeping Alley up and against his chest, the other hand on her pulse point, taking note of the way the heartbeat seems to be stabilizing. The puking fest was gonna start soon.

“She… It was on purpose.” Tom confesses, eyes going clouded for a while. “She tries to not be home, yknow? I met her in kindergarten, and even then she’d try to hide behind the teacher’s desk in hopes they’d forget about her and close the building with her inside. Anyway, we pretty much live on the streets these days, and Alley… she’s very depressed. I convinced her to see someone a while ago, even stol/ I mean, earned the money for it myself”, he’s quick to correct, eyes glancing up to see if he was smooth enough to cover it; which he wasn’t, but Tim was in favor of letting that small one go, “and they gave her a prescription for antidepressants. She’s been kicking it down the road, but she’s gotten a lot worse and I wouldn't lay off her case about it, so she sneaked back home to get some money from her folks to pay for it.”

By the way the kid looks at her bruised face with unmeasurable guilt, Tim knows she didn’t go unnoticed.

“And… I don’t know. We were supposed to meet up by the Commerce Street Highway, but she was late, so I walked around for a bit and… I saw her there, on a bench. She was/ she was still conscious then, and she told me… she said ‘these aren’t what the doc gave me, but they took the pain away all the same’.” Again, Tom chokes on his own emotions. If he had any free hands, he’d try to put one on his shoulder for comfort. “I don’t even know what she took, or where did she get it from!”

Tim has heard whispers of loan sharks and drug dealres camping toghter by the Fashion Distric, just north of Grant Park, so he can make an informed guess as to how that happened. Also, he now knows what he’ll do the rest of the night, once these kids are safe.

When Tom has gotten a grasp of himself, he pushes again.

“So, why did you bring her here?”

He shrugs, a bit abashed.

“Well… I mean, everyone knows about how Mrs Denvarow is the one giving clothes and food away, and that you help her distribute it. Well, not everyone, but… you know, the street kids. We flagged her building with a yellow skull and everything.”

A yellow skull grafitti, Tim’s mind translates, is the street equivalent of a ‘don’t fuck with this place’ sing. A sort of protective sigil. He wonders how he missed it.

“And… This is kind of your thing, right? So I figured you’d be better prepared to deal with it than some overworked clinic that might even not have enough free equipment to help us. Good think I did, too” he gestures at his friend, whose face is now looking flushed; a sign both of growing health, and of the upcoming puke. Tim’s quick to turn her so her back is to his chest, head tilted down just in case.

As if rehearsed, Alley chose that exact second to empty the contents of her now flushed stomach. Tim would need a sample of that, to catch the responsible dealer.

Tom held her hair away from her face while Tim kept her steady, and she blinked bearily at them after it was done, still not completely lucid but a world away from the girl she was ten minutes ago.

“She’ll still need a hospital.'' Tim informs Tom sternly. The boy had taken his friend in his arms again, softly rubbing her back to help with the uncomfortable ache leftover after puking your guts out. “The Moench’s Row clinic should be able to help with any side effect, but she’s safe for now.”

He nods, thanks Tim again and again and politely refuses his help to take her to the clinic. They part ways, both parties probably thinking this would be the last time they saw each other.

Still, their situation sticks with Tim during the rest of his patrol, and he decides to stop by the clinic, just to check on them. His knuckles still ache from the absolute beating he delivered to the ones who gave Alley the money and sold her the drugs, so he’s in better spirits and hopes to spread it to the kids.

Alley is awake when he visits, and her shy, little smile is enough for the rage inside of Tim to die down. The bad guys dealt with, the civilians safe, everything in its proper place.

He sleeps a bit better that night.

---.----

He almost doesn’t see him.

Actually, he probably wouldn't have, deeply lost into his own head, had the guy been anything other than a redhead. That exact shade of orangy-brown auburn, that he would have to pick up from his workbench at Titan’s tower after Bart had decided to ‘keep him company’ during his all-nighters.

It was ironic, how now he would give anything in the world to have those same strands of hair fucking up his experiments, if only for the impish, ‘please-don’t-kill-me-I’m-an-angel’ smile he would receive in exchange.

“Hey”, he greets, landing softly at the man’s right, sitting a few feet away from him, too tired to even stand up on common ground. “What’s happening?”

He shouldn’t be doing this. He really, really shouldn’t. His own mental health was less than stellar, and even thinking about it made him feel worse. He didn’t deserve to feel bad, not when civilians were in the hospital after his latest fuck up, Cass was missing, Cassie barely hanging in there, the family a mess with Damian’s lovely introduction, and… well. Every other person he knew…

Point being, there must be someone else, in a better inner place, that could speak to this guy. But since no one seemed to be patrolling this route, Tim could only hope to stall him long enough for a more capable vigilante to show up.

The guy looks startled, then angry. He has green eyes, he notices, under the glasses. Not sure why that sticks to him.

“What are you doing here? You’re not going to try to stop me, are you? You’re not going to swing down and catch me in mid air or something, are you?”

He seems defensive, but Tim notices a bit of hesitancy. He has worked with less.

(He wishes he had more energy to do more with what little he has)

“No. If I did, what’s to stop you from doing it again later, or tomorrow? I can’t be with you every second. If you want to do this, you are going to, no matter how much I don’t want you to. And I don’t want you to, just so we are clear.”

The guy still looks suspicious, but he hasn’t taken that last step forward, so… a win?

“I just needed to sit down for a minute. ‘been thinking about all the ways I’ve screwed up lately, and…”

Auburn-hair deflates a little, turning away from Tim to examine the night sky. “Well, that makes two of us.”

The bat signal lights up the night. His newfound companion looks at it, then him. “Do you need to get that?”

“Nah. Batman will, and if he needs help he’ll call me.” Tim shrugs. He needs a coffee-power-up. He needs to sleep. He needs for his loved ones to not be dead.

He needs to see if there’s anything he can do for this guy.

“So, do you want to tell me why you’re doing this? So someone can go to your family and friends to let them know?”

After all, if it was him who did it (and… wasn’t that food for thought?), he’d like Bruce and Dick to know why. To not… to not blame themselves.

Redhead looks annoyed again. Uh. A short fuse, this one.

“Don’t try any psychology, or try to make me feel guilty about hurting anyone… this isn't about anyone but me.”

He shouldn’t say it, but… “That’s pretty naive, but whatever. Tell me anyway.” He smirks a bit, then “Unless you’re in a hurry or something.”

He hears the guy (he really should ask his name) as he tells his story. A cold, clinical part of his mind recognizes the symptoms described almost unconsciously by the guy as depression. He would know, after all. The other part of him, the part that made him Robin, that made him human, discarded the label; there was much more to this guy than his illness, and he would treat him like it.

“So here I am,” he finishes, now sitting side by side with Tim, both their legs hanging above the bustling city. “Now’s when you tell me how stupid this is. That other people have much bigger problems, there’s hunger and war, and I’m weak because my problems are nothing next to stuff like that.”

Tim thinks of a father, desperately thinking his death would save his son’s life, when in fact it would have only made it worse. He thinks of a woman, so full of love and warmth, looking into the abyss and feeling empty inside. He thinks of a couple of kids, one hanging to life with nails and teeth, the other hanging to her just as fiercely.

He thinks about himself. About looking at a future version of himself, hating what he sees, and deciding to drown the bud before it can even flower. He thinks of sickly green water, of cloning equipment in a laboratory, of a phone falling to the ground after delivering him with more bad news.

He’s still in a bad place, still probably not the most capable person to be doing this, but a part of him is sure this is the right answer. The only answer.

“No. Your problems are worse than anyone else’s, because they are yours. I’ve... felt bad like you have, and some pretty bad things have happened to me.”

Red hair looks as tired as Tim feels, so it’s a surprise that he has enough energy to glance at him worriedly, hand stretching a bit in his direction in a half-formed attempt to comfort.

“You guys make it look so easy, swinging around, having fun… Things get bad for you, too?”

Tim looks down, and smiles. It’s a sad, bitter thing. He thinks about parents lost before ever connecting to them, about a girlfriend going away, a sister lost to the madness of their lives, about two best friends gone, one even dying in his arms.

He gives no details. Doesn’t talk about it all, just shares a little bit of himself. It’s only fair, after hearing about this guy’s demons. Misery loves company, doesn’t it?

“So what do you do? How do you deal with it?” the guy asks when he’s done, looking at Tim by the corner of his not-very-dry eyes.

Tim forces himself to remember. “One of the things I’ve learned is that it gets bad for everyone sometimes, Superman, Batman… everyone. I remember that I’m not alone, that things do get better. Sometimes on their own, most times when you work at them. And when I have trouble remembering those things, I find people to talk to.”

Most of those were dead, but Tim is hit with the epiphany that not all of them are. He still has people. He still…

“And you’ve got people like that? That you can talk to?” asks the guy, tone both worried and hopeful. Tim stands up, does his best to look calm.

“Yeah. Your folks, and old friend, even a trained counselor you’ve never met before… someone who has a totally different perspective because they’re not as close to your problems as you are. Maybe they give you advice, and that’s great… or maybe they just listen. Sometimes, that’s all you need. Anyway, that’s how I deal with it when things suck. And it works. Want to come down from there and give it a try?”

The guy gets back to his feet, as Tim watches from behind. Having been in this situation before, the fear grabbing a hold of him isn’t new, but it's different. He thinks he's too worn down. It takes the edge off of any emotion.

Except hope. Hope still hurts like a sharp knife when it’s snatched away. He prays it won’t be, right now.

Green eyes (Jason- that’s who they reminded him of) look down, deep in thought. Then he turns, smiles at Tim. There’s hope in him too.

“Yeah, why not?”

They get down together. He gives him a few numbers and they have breakfast together. The guy promises to call his English teacher, at least. Tim promises himself to call his brother.

At least, he still has Dick.

---.----

He’s been putting off doing his rounds since he came back, he knows. But…

It changed him, a bit. Going around the world, dealing with his grief while staying on his toes, ready to break down one second and having to field off attacks from all sides the next, with the Demon’s honeyed whispers echoing in his ear and mind.

He’ll never tell anyone, just how tempting it had been. How much he had wanted to reach for that offered hand. To lay his head on someone’s shoulder and let the responsibility bleed from his.

Tim will never tell anyone, but he’ll always know. And it’ll always make him hate himself a little bit more.

So, he’s different now. And he’s scared- that the people he gave hope to, that he talked with, that he could never stop thinking about, even halfway across the world- that they won’t like this new, worn down him.

That Mr Harrinson the Good Father, Braided Hair Lady and her sweaters, the inseparable Stray Cats, the girl with the bright yellow cardigan, the kid with the scarred wrists, the woman with beautiful star-like freckles that she’ll hopefully pass on to her baby, the gentle giant man with calloused hands, the petite but fierce young teen with defiant eyes and dead name, the soft spoken girl with the loudest laugh, auburn-haired boy and his hopeful and sympathetic green eyes… and so, so many more. They all knew him, maybe not at his best, but certainly better than now. The boy that kept them from jumping had been a bright, magical Robin. The teen that came back to their city was dark, weary Red Robin. It felt kinda like he had cheated them, returning this broken version of himself to their doorsteps.

But he had to go check on all of them. Even if Cass (and it was such a relief, that even after he lost everything else, the return of his sister could at least be a speck of light in the mist of misery surrounding him) had promised to do so, there were so many of them… and she couldn't possibly remember everyone, all the time. And if anyone had fallen through the gaps… if anyone had stood on a rooftop, waiting for their Robin to save them, only to think ‘nobody cares’ as he didn’t show up…

Tim gets sick only thinking about it. If it did happen, then he needs to know. He has to carry their names with him, that’s the least he can do for failing them.

So he’ll go check on them… anytime now. Soon. The moment he gathers enough energy to climb back to his feet and get his grapple hook out.

...The city looks full of life, beneath him. Like it feels the return of its Knight. The end of the internal quarrel among it’s vigilantes, that almost tore it all apart. The relief in Nightwing, the hesitant peace in Red Hood, the mellowing of Robin.

(He was feeling poetic tonight, in the worst ways)

Maybe it also feels Red Robin’s emptiness. Maybe that’s why it's so lively down there, like the ground is calling to him, just as it did when Ra’s broke the window with his body.

He thinks... he won’t have to check on anyone, if he jumps. And that way, there will be no name to carry with him to his grave.

“Robin!”

“Stop!”

“Don’t do it, please!”

He startles. Hadn’t even noticed when he got to his feet, nor that one of them was hanging over the abyss. The fact that he wasn’t alone on that rooftop any longer hadn’t even breached his usually perfect spatial awareness.

They didn’t call for him, but the voices sounded distraught, they were close, and he was a former Robin, so he turned around, tired, but with obedience and service too ingrained in him to consider denying help to whoever it was.

It turned out, he wouldn't need to go make his rounds any longer. His rounds had come to him.

There were… too many people on this roof. It was way too crowded.

“Robin!”

It was one voice now, not a mixture of them, so he could identify the one yelling his former alias. Allison broke from the mob of people (and there were more still, filling in from the open rooftop door, like a never-ending stream…) to run to him, looking like she might have just jumped into his arms, if not for Tom clutching her hoodie to stop her a few feet from him. Good move, considering he was still balancing precariously on the edge.

“Alleycat?” he whispered, a little blown. She looked so different (magenta looked amazing on the tips of her hair, and she totally pulled off that lip piercing), but he’d recognize those eyes anywhere. He’d been so relieved, when she first opened them after that dangerous overdose.

“We were so fucking worried, dude”, came from Tomcat just behind her, still gripping her hoodie (still keeping her safe; some things never change).

“I…”

“Where were you?” Maddie, not longer yellow but still wearing a cute cardigan, stepped up too.

“I’m… I’m not Robin”, he blurts out. They… knew it was him? It… like, obviously there was a new Robin, Damian was (still, but probably not for much longer) smaller than him, but to immediately know that he was…

“Yeah, no shit. I’d know that long hair and noodle limbs of yours anywhere, kid. Known you too long to be fooled. And the new kid’s really trigger happy with that lon’nife of his... You’re still the Robin I prefer, and fuck if I understand the name passing you heroes do” Mr Harrinson spoke from the back of the crowd, one hand clutching his kid’s shoulder, the other arm around…

“Braided Hair Lady?”

Eloise smiles at him, soft and warm as ever, a little shy when his eyes go to the arm hugging her close and back to her. He recognizes some of her handmade scarfs around the necks of plenty of people on the roof.

“I… wasn’t aware you all knew each other.”

A petite young teen steps forward, walking until they were shoulder-to-shoulder with the Strays.

“Most of us met through the app, and then introduced the others. There’s more, of course, but not everyone could meet here. Samantha’s baby was born just two months ago, so she chose to stay home, but we promised her pictures, so you’ll have to say cheese soon birdboy. Also, I found my name. I’m Cal.”

Allison’s smile broadened and she sneaked an arm around Cal’s waist.

“They are the new Straycat. Calico cat’s are the cutest shit ever, aren’t they?”

Well… Having someone as badass as Cal watching Tom and Alley’s back would sure make Tim feel a lot better about both kids being out in the streets.

Were they still on the streets? He’d need to find out and fix that, soon.

Then it hit him. “What app?”

Auburn-hair smiled from his place, at the front of the crowd just behind the Cats.

“Felix over there,” he pointed over his shoulder at Mr Harrinson’s son, who smiled shyly at Tim, eyes shining in gratitude and admiration like they always did when Tim did his rounds and checked on his dad, “defended you in a GothamHeroes forum once. Some bratty douchebag was complaining about you landing over his car or something and this kid went for his fucking troath.”

“I was in that chat too,” spoke Tom, smiling a little too savagely for a kid that sweet. “He tore the idiot to shreds, speaking about how you saved his dad’s life and took it upon yourself to make sure he was still okay even weeks after you met. I mentioned how you saved Alley and Mrs Denvarow, we exchanged numbers… then we met Cal during one of our rounds handing out Mrs D’s scarfs and food. They were weary of everyone else, but trusted us because they heard you talk about the clothes and baked goods... And Cal’s friend Gina worked with Samantha on the streets and told them about her story...”

“Soon, it seemed like people personally saved by you were just… popping out of the snow like daisies” Blair laughed, and it was still the loudest, brightest noise. The night seemed a little clearer, the air a little fresher for it. “Felix made his own private chat and added us, and we added everyone else we knew… The word went around about it, and more and more people joined in…”

“It’s really a wonder how you had any time to fight crime, seeing how often you were apparently comforting jumpers on the roofs” Ailbert, still as gigantic and gentle as always, raised a hand from the middle of the group. He had a little girl on his shoulders, probably the baby niece he had taken in after his sister’s death.

“Then the new kid appeared and Gotham went to hell on a basket, and no one saw you around any longer”, Elijah, wrists no more scarred than the last time he saw him, his arm tangled with Maddie’s, went on. “We were… well, we were a bit confused.”

“Speak for yourself, Cal jumped Red Hood one night, held him at knife point and demanded to know what the fuck happened to our Robin. We were like, zero chill.”

“Sorry, they did what?” Tim was definitely in the twilight zone now.

“No thoughts, head empty, only murder”

...Tim needed to give Jason a quick call. Also sign Cal up for anger management. And probably, judging by the way both Alley and Tom were looking at them, get one of the adults to give them the talk.

Mrs Eloise smiled at him, and like always it served to calm his nerves. That woman was a different kind of magic than Alfred, but magic indeed. “Anyway, dear, what matters is that we were worried about you. And then this incredible young man, Aaron,” she waved at him, and he winked one of his green eyes in response, “suggested we kept in closer contact with one another, so anyone who spotted you could inform the others.”

Aaron shrugged, his auburn mane of hair bobbing with the movement. “It just seemed like it’d be easier to have an alarm set up, since messaging everyone would take so long… and then someone suggested making a map of Gotham so we could have clearer routes for the kids handing out Mrs Denvarow’s stuff… and someone wanted a shared blackboard to write theories on where the fuck you were with others… and a few demanded a space to share photos, possible sightings or old selfies with you… It kinda spiralled and I thought it’d be less of a chaotic mess if I made an app that could do all of that, instead of all of us using multiple apps for the different fixtures everyone asked for… Since this is Gotham, we also added some Rouge Alarm for whenever a criminal was set loose. It helped keep us safe, and if we knew when crime was happening, we could pay attention to which heroes answered the call…”

“And then, you fought that firefly guy the other day”, Felix said, still by his dad’s side, still looking as awed as ever when looking at tim. “I was in the crowd, and I recognized you within a minute.”

“I don’t really understand technology that well, and the group chat was such a mess that day” Ailbert lamented, but he was still smiling. They all were.

That hit Tim then, hard.

They all looked so happy to see him. To have him back. They had been waiting for him to be back, banded together to make sure they’d all know when he did.

“You looked so sad the last time we saw you” Blair added softly, sadly. “And… when you saved Aaron, you told him about such sad things…”

Elijah winced “And I heard the Midnighter fell from Wayne Tower a few weeks ago, but then he was never seen around again, and your suit looks kinda similar, so that was probably really you… and, that fall…”

“We were very worried” repeated Eloise, but her eyes didn’t lose their warmth. “But you’re back now, and we can keep track of you and each other now, so it’s all good. It’s wonderful to have you back, love.”

This was an out of body experience.

Something must have shown on his face, because Cal snorted.

“We adore you, you dumbass. You are our hero.”

Alley smiled. “You are our Robin.”

Tim fell into her arms, and away from the roof’s edge. The rest of the crowd was upon them in seconds, all eager to pat his back or joke about the cowl hiding his hair from their hands.

He met eyes with Aaron, over Alley’s shoulder. He looked like the hope Tim had helped plant in his heart all those months ago had flowered, and the petals filled his heart.

(He was feeling poetic tonight, in the best ways)

“You should download the app too, so you always have someone to talk to. Look it up. It’s called BirdWatchers, because we’ll always look up and out for you. Because when we wanted to jump, you lended us your wings to fly instead.”

It was like this fucker wanted Tim to cry.

“Welcome home, Red Robin.”

#My writing #Tim drake #batman fanfic #red robin #trigger warning:#depression #suicide attempts #discussion of suicide #overdose #mental illness #hurt comfort #Tim doing the comfort and being the hurt #until he gets the comfort #happy ending #wholesome #I swear the tags are scary but it IS wholesome #Tim drake centric #my writting

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