#I’d just overthink it & think I was being weird & y’all were only doing it for me & I’m being selfish for asking lmao

[vivalamusicaltheater]

Not to be touchstarved on main but I think if someone let me cuddle them I think I would probably pass away

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

A chatty writing update | novels, short fiction, etc!

Hi folks!

It’s been a while since I last wrote an update on this blog! I thought it’d be fun to go back to basics, and just talk about writing. This post chats about: new plans for Feeding Habits, my newest novel, my short story goals & growing collection, along with process reflections.

(image description: a photo of green leaves with the text “writing update” in a white font written on top. /end image description)

Post starts under the cut!

General taglist (please ask to be added or removed)

@if-one-of-us-falls, @qatarcookie, @chloeswords, @alicewestwater, @laughtracksonata, @shylawrites, @ev–writes, @jaydewritesfiction, @jennawritesstories @eowynandfaramir, @august-iswriting, @aetherwrites, @avakrahn, @maisulli

What have I been up to?

For starters, I finished my second year of my Writing undergrad last week and got two of my final grades back today (A+ baby)! For anyone who has taken online university, y’all already KNOW, but this year was so difficult. Would not recommend! Really proud of myself to have gotten through this absolute rollercoaster of a school term and am excited to get into some writing. That leads us to:

What have I been up to (writing edition)?

2021 started off so fast. By the time January hit, I was so consumed in my new semester that I did not have time to write Feeding Habits (my novel). In the first few days of the term, I managed to write between class, until I could no longer keep up! Essentially, I did not write any of that novel until exam season (last week), where I did manage to get in about 3k words in ~4 days.

Feeding Habits

I’m currently drafting what I believe will be the last chapter of this book (chapter 10: Swan Song). This chapter is so bizarre for a few reasons. It begins the book’s third part and also marks the shift back into Lonan’s head from Harrison’s. I originally thought this part would be much, much longer, with at least another five chapters to go, but quickly realized the book’s content was nearly completed. In my 4 day 3k palooza, I hit 50k in the book (the word count goal), and couldn’t see myself extending past 60k. Since then, I’ve made the loose decision to write this final chapter as a ~novella. Here are a few reasons why:

1. This chapter is structurally very strange.

I unashamedly shift from present to past to present to past past, and so much more every 12 words. I mapped out the timeline on a sheet of paper, and there were over 20 shifts in scenes (the chapter is only about 4400 words at the moment). The fictive past is incredibly important to this chapter, more important than the present, and I thought it would make more sense to not break randomly for a chapter so I could upkeep the consistent inconsistency of the chapter.

2. The chapter is very abstract

This stems from the structural changes, but there are paragraphs in this chapter of the fictive present that are loosely based in reality. They’re more poems than they are factual paragraphs, and keeping them all contained in one place (so a mega chapter/ novella) would reduce the most confusion!

3. There’s not much left to cover

Like I said above, Feeding Habits is on its last leg, lol! I know exactly where the book needs to end up, which is very, very soon from where I’m currently at on the timeline. Swan Song should cover what 2-4 chapters would cover in terms of arcs.

Feeding Habits and I have a really weird relationship, tbh! When I realized a few weeks ago that it’d been over a year since I started the book, I realized I just needed to finish it. Not that I want to rush (because I’ve taken longer than a year to write a book in the past), but that in order to move onto another project, I’d like to put this one behind first. This book has been the hardest thing I’ve ever written, and has reminded me there’s always a time to let go. This sort of scrounges up a conversation about letting this entire series go, which is certainly something I’ve been contemplating doing soon(ish). If this spinoff series gets a third book, that may or may not be the last Fostered book for a very long time (or ever)! There are many complex reasons to move on, but the main one is that I have other projects I’d like to focus on. This is not a definitive decision, but something I’ve certainly been thinking about!

Here are a few excerpts I wrote recently:

(TW: death, gore)

Dying feels like being a trout dangled out of water. Clinging to a hook. Mouth open. Scales iridescent in a final death cry. It’s like blood spurting up the knuckles, drowning out the flesh. It’s that moment on the long fall down when the clouds cup the body. Easy drifting. The sound a skull makes when it cracks is really just the afterthought.

(TW: death, gore)

Kill shot. Death blow. Coup de grace. Right in the heart. He feels it. The blood swelling, slicking his palms. He can do it. Reach into the cavity. Feel for the ribs. Part each bone. Then cup the humming heart. Stay there. Right. It’s never been easier.

Look at this PURE moment of Lonan holding a baby I CANNOT:

The grocery store was a fifteen-minute walk away. With Olivia clinging to his shoulder, Lonan was acutely aware that she could feel his heartbeat. Open valve. Close. Repeat. Hers pulsed right above his, a miniature drumming. The sky had bruised purple, misted with clouds. The evening air nipped his cheeks, so he made sure Olivia was securely fastened between him and his jacket. With wide eyes, she absorbed the drowsy suburbia, all its family cars pulling into driveways, all its couples heading back home after a sunset walk. When Lonan passed a young boy walking two golden retrievers, Olivia giggled, and didn’t stop, even after he’d spent fifty dollars on groceries and nearly the rest on a red Corolla marked with a MUST GO NOW sign outside a convenience store.

Let’s move on!

Mandy and Cora

I said I wouldn’t talk too much about this project, but I just love it so much?? I wanted to share my SUPER early thoughts on drafting a novel, especially one that is SO different from what I’ve been writing recently. I talked about this before in THIS post, but the summary about this project is that it’s a YA contemporary novel! Can’t believe I’m writing YA again, it’s been so long, but I also think it’s going so well. Everything I’ve learned as a literary fiction writer has been a fantastic primer for transferring back to the genre. Admittedly, I have not written much, but I’m having a lot of fun diving back into a lighter project. This is the summary:

Cora and Mandy are identical twins who’ve always done everything together. But when Mandy decides to go to university out of province after graduation and Cora doesn’t, Cora takes this as an opportunity to “test run” life apart from her sister for the first time by spending the summer at her aunt’s house across the country.

I have come up with a few ~things since I last talked about this project, mostly how I’d like to structure it. As of now, I’d like the book to be structured super loosely. I’m really pulling on a lot of inspo from “We Are Okay” by Nina LaCour (which is SO good), particularly how “nothing happens-y” that book is. This project (which I still need a title for!!) will be structured in short chapters that cover something Cora does on her own for the first time (without Mandy). For example, a few ideas are “Flight”, “Lunch”, and “Groceries”. “Flight” is the first “chapter” (they’re really kind of vignettes) where Cora flies to her aunt’s house. I still can’t determine if this book will take place in Canada. On one hand, I feel like there will be a wider audience if it takes place in the US (is that just an assumption??? maybe?? someone let me know!), but also: don’t really care too much about an audience at the moment! It could also take place in Canada (So Ontario and British Columbia). But if it does take place in the US, I think it may take place in NYC and San Francisco. The problem is: I really don’t like researching lol, and while I’ve been to NYC many times, I will definitely write it wrong! Does this really matter on a first draft?? absolutely not lol, but of course I am already overthinking!

But back to structure: I am looking forward to seeing what this looser structure will do. This is a story that is solely around one half of a set of twins learning to be her own person (and ultimately that she doesn’t have to completely forget her sister in order to do that), and as a twin who KNOWS this feeling, I think this structure of her doing things for the first time is SUPER relatable.

I was worried it might sound silly/worrying to others who are not twins that Cora hadn’t done things like “lunch” or “groceries” on her own, but I feel this so much as an identical twin myself! Not that she hasn’t done anything at all by herself, but as a twin, when you do something without your twin for the first few times, at least in my experience, you notice. If any twins are reading this--weigh in!

This story is the most personal thing I’ve ever written. It definitely is an OwnVoices book! Usually, I avoid details that are remotely similar to me because they make me uncomfortable haha, but with this book, it’s all me, lol! The characters are all Guyanese, which is SO fun because I’ve been planning what they eat (my fellow Caribbean peeps know: the FOOD!), which is so fun (yes they have pumpkin and shrimp, yes they have roti, yes they have pera, yes they have mithai). Every time I’ve gone to dabble at this book, or even think about it, I get incredibly emotional for this reason? I don’t exactly know why. I think this is a story I just so want to tell, with the culture I love SO much that I definitely struggled to love as a child. This is reclamation bitchessss!

Not going to lie tho: the prospect of writing ~a book~ is kind of freaky! I’m going to make the minimum word count for this book pretty short (50k) and see where it goes from there. I think I will focus on this project this summer! Originally I was going to write a literary novel this summer, but I think this one’s calling my name!

Here’s a pretty rough excerpt:

Try. I remind myself that’s what I’m doing after the flight attendant fills me a disposable cup of Coca Cola and all I can think of is Mandy and I shoving Mentos into a bottle of the stuff when we were twelve. Just me, wedged in the middle seat between an exchange student heading out for summer break and a middle-aged woman sipping a cocktail, thinking of Mandy and I bursting whole oranges in a blender when we were bored one Winter break as the plane dips through a wave of turbulence. Mandy and I dying our hair neon green with highlighters (didn’t work—our hair is too dark) as the plane lands on the tarmac. Mandy and I arguing so loud last month, we both lost our voices as I lug my carry-on out of the overhead compartment and shuffle off the plane and through the airport, searching for Aunt Vel.

Short Fiction

I’ve written so much short fiction this year! I have a goal to write a short story a month (they can range in length, as long as 1 is “complete”), so my short story brain has seriously been soaking it all up lately. Let’s chat my month to month breakdown so far:

January:

I wrote four stories in January! The first is a flash fiction piece called “Shark Swimming” that follows a young woman who attends a shark swimming class after breaking up with her girlfriend. I wrote this story for a “test” workshop for my fiction class, and it was based off the prompt “think about something you’re afraid to do and make the character do that thing”. I’m not particularly afraid of sharks, but had been wanting to use the title “Shark Swimming” for AGES (literally since 2018).

This story is one of my favourites. It’s only about 900 words, but I think there’s something profound in how mundanely specific it is. The entire story doesn’t even see the narrator swim with sharks once; it actually takes place fully in the sanctuary’s lobby. But I really love this narrator. This is the first story I’ve written in second person in a while, though I felt really connected to the unnamed narrator. She struggles with accepting that she truly is a “boring” person, and there’s something about the final image that really gets me!

I’ve been submitting this around, though it’s been rejected a handful of times. Hoping I can secure it at a magazine one day because I really love it!

The second story is “Joanne, I’ll Pray for You” which is actually a rewrite of one of my very first short stories (the first story I did not write for a class haha), “NYC in Your Apartment”. I LOVE this rewrite a lot, and also learned the original is not a very good short story! Revising this story taught me just how much I’ve learned in the 2 years I’ve been writing short fiction. Seeing the 2019 version versus the 2021 version side by side is fascinating because I essentially “gutted’ the 2019 version of its beginning and end until all that was left was the middle of the story (aka the actual story). AKA: this is the only story I’ve ever written with a hopeful ending and I cut out all the happy bits lol I am SO sorry (that arc is more for a novel or novella). That’s how this went from a 5k word story to an 1800 word story (my Submittable thanks me for this lol). A lot of details and scenes I included were more pertinent to a 3 act structure/novel, which of course short stories don’t often have because of their brevity. I love rambling about writing theory, and seeing that actually pay off is so fascinating!

(TW: trauma)

Like the original, this story follows Joanne, a woman in her early twenties, who spontaneously breaks up with her boyfriend. She claims the poltergeist haunting her drove her to this decision. The original draft focused a lot more on the traumatic events Joanne survives, but this draft really loosens them up. It focuses less so on the events themselves, and more on how Joanne’s life is affected. I found the details of these events were less important, and even sort of contradicted Joanne’s insistence she is being haunted. Instead, the poltergeist really takes more precedence in the new draft as a force Joanne doesn’t understand. That ambiguity, I think, is what the story truly needed.

I also centralized Joanne’s relationship with her boyfriend, Julian, here. Now don’t get me wrong, I really didn’t add anything to this draft. It was a matter of trimming the fat around it to leave the lean “meat” in the centre. But by removing that fat, I was able to emphasize what was most important here, and that was her relationship. Julian always played a really big role in the original draft, but I feel like his role as both a friend and partner to Joanne is much more emphasized since this draft literally is only two scenes now. Because there is less, there is more room for Joanne to reflect, which I’m happy about!

A final change I made was the setting and therefore the title. The original, which was “NYC in Your Apartment,” I couldn’t keep because I shifted the setting to Toronto (this is how I originally saw it, but in 2019 I just?? couldn’t?? write?? canlit??), and “Toronto in Your Apartment” sounded sort of gross LOL. The new title comes from a line in the story which I think is more relevant to the themes!

The next short story I wrote in January was “How to Spell Alpaca.” This one is super fun because I wrote it SO fast (in about 15 minutes or so). THIS is the writing update if you’re interested in learning more. I talked extensively about this one in that update, but some developments are that I dove into an edit a few weeks ago to really understand the core of the story. I’m still not quite there (this is just an intuitive feeling; I know not everything has “clicked), but I am really intrigued by the two mothers in the story, the narrator, and her newfound acquaintance, Violet. Both really struggle to understand their place as mothers (the narrator even declares she isn’t a mother anymore). The narrator, who is in her 50s, sees herself in Violet, who is much younger (~20s), and so she views Violet’s relationship with her daughter in a cautionary, yet mournful way, like she can see it will end up like her own relationship with her daughter, despite wanting the opposite. This is a really subtle story. I feel like if you blink, you’ll miss the message. But I think it’s compelling for that reason. It’s really a portrait of parenting and how to grapple with mistakes you may make that inevitably affect your children. Wow just unlocked the theme writing this lol.

The final story I wrote in January is “The Party,” which may be in my top 3 faves I’ve ever written. This story follows Aida, a recent divorcee in her ~40s. The day her divorce turns official, she moves into a new house and receives a party invitation addressed to the previous homeowner, yet RSVP’s anyway. At this party, she’s hoping to find some sense of noticeability, having struggled with being nondescript her whole life. Things seem quite normal at the party, until it gets bizarre.

I LOVE this story, y’all. Like “How to Spell Alpaca” it really delves into motherhood. Aida, our narrator, is incredibly hurt after her divorce. She now lives farther from her children she struggled to feel connected to in the first place, and doesn’t really know how to reignite her life. This party is a means to do that. This is the first story I’ve written that contains a “twist” which is strange because I really prefer stories that give us as much info as possible upfront, but yes, this one sort of twists.

February

I wrote one story in February, and that was “Protect the Young.” This title is SO changing when I think of a new one because it’s thematically incorrect, haha, but this story follows a woman in her late 40s whose daughter, Lindy, announces she is married the same day all their backyard chickens turn up dead. The discovery of dead chickens prompts our narrator to recall her ex-husband’s murder and the role her daughter may have played in his death.

I love this story so much! I think this would make a great closing for my short story collection. It just has that vibe! I wrote this for my second fiction workshop. I thought I had to hand in the story a week earlier than I had to, so I panicked and wrote this in one sitting! Little did I know, I did not need to do that lol but I’m very happy because this story is so fun. We get to learn more about Arnold (her ex), his relationship with Lindy, and how that translates to Lindy’s relationship with her new husband, Malcolm. I LOVE true crime (I listen to about 3-4 hours of case coverage daily), and this is my first “true crime” story. Because of that, I’m very sus of a few details that probably wouldn’t slide in actual investigatory work, so I’ll also be working on that in a revision. My professor also gave me a great suggestion that may alter the story’s structure a bit, though I look forward to toggling with it in the future.

March

In March, I was really on a Criminal Minds kick lol. I’ve been watching this show since I was seven (oops), and dove into a rewatch since it hit Disney+! This story, “Where to Run When the Lamb Roars,” is very clearly Rachel watching 5 episodes of CM a day. Oops! We follow 14-year-old Astrid as she and her older half brother kidnap a young girl to sacrifice for their yearly ritual.

I knew a few things going into this story, but the main thing was that I did NOT want to show any details of a potential murder (if one even occurs). I really wanted to keep all of those elements off the page because this story is not about those events, but about Astrid’s relationship with her brother. They are a murderous duo, with Astrid actually being the dominant partner. I wanted to explore that. I knew her brother, Fox, was more of a submissive partner in their team, even when he used to do this same thing with his father when he was much younger (chilling!), and so it was a task to explore how this young girl’s desire for violence works. The end actually comes right before the story starts, one could say, but I like it for this reason. It really made me contemplate the story by the time I finished it, and helped me examine what it really was about versus what it appeared to be about.

April

(TW: sexual content, non explicit)

I was so busy this month! Who knows if I’ll write a story last minute, but I did write one story this month called “Five Times Fast.” I wrote this during a “writing sprint” that was being hosted at a flash fiction workshop I recently took with one of my favourite writers ever, K-Ming Chang. I learned so much from this class, and am so happy I came out of it with a draft! This story is just over 300 words, so the shortest flash I’ve ever written, but I’m really happy with it. It was based off the prompt “describe the last time you or your character was naked.” In this case, the narrator has a “friends with benefits” relationship with Ricky who works at a laundromat. This story highlights a moment in this relationship (and also Ricky’s goofy personality lol). I really like it! Hopefully I’ll submit it to some magazines soon.

My short story collection

Very briefly I wanted to touch on my short story collection which I’ve titled “She is Also Dead.” I’ve been meaning to make a blog post on this, so look out for that in the coming months, but this collection is already at around 35k words (about 14 stories so far). The collection also surprisingly has a solid amount of flash fiction which is kind of fun! There’s definitely a range here, which is what I personally love in short story collections.

I feel very professional now that I have a ~collection chart. This is her:

(image description: A chart with the title “She is Also Dead.” It is broken into four columns: Story, Status, Word Count, and Published. Entry 1 - Story: Slaughter the Animal. Status: Revisions, Word Count, 3982, Published: N/A. Entry 2 - Story: Joanne, I’ll Pray for You, Status: Polished, Word Count: 1809, Published: N/A. Entry 3 - Story: Primary Organs, Status: Published, Word Count: 2342, Published: The Malahat Review. Entry 4 - Story: Faberge, Status, Polished, Word Count: 619, Published: N/A. Entry 5 - Story: The Wolf-Antelope Will Not Come for Us, Status, Polished, Word Count: 1556, Published: filling Station (forthcoming). Entry 6 - Story: How to Spell Alpaca, Status: revisions, Word Count: 1327, Published: N/A. Entry 7 - Story: Blink Twice for Final Judgement, Status: Polished, Word Count: 6572, Published: N/A. Entry 8 - Story: The Species is Dead, Status: Published, Word Count: 1208, Published: Minola Review. Entry 9 - Story: Shark Swimming, Status: Polished, Word Count: 907, Published: N/A. Entry 10 - Story: The Party, Status, Polished, Word Count 2339, Published: N/A. Entry 11 - Story: Fig, Status: Polished, Word Counter: 947, Published: N/A. Entry 12 - Story: Protect the Young, Status: Revisions, Word Count: 4128, Published: N/A. Entry 13 - Story: Where to Run When the Lamb Roars, Status: Revisions, Word Count: 2174, Published: N/A. Entry 14 - Story: Phantom Limbs, Status: Revisions, Word Count: 4844, Published: N/A.) /end image description.

This order is DEFINITELY not permanent (at this point whenever I write a story, I just fit it randomly into this chart lol), and some of the info is outdated (for example, Slaughter the Animal is now polished!!! thank god!!!). But just an idea of what I’m thinking of including.

This is the summary so far:

In SHE IS ALSO DEAD, characters are pushed to act on their gravest impulses. A small town turns murderous when their local invasive species, the Janices, begin dying. A child struggles to understand her mother’s suicide. A college dropout who insists she’s being haunted by a poltergeist unexpectedly breaks up with her boyfriend. A mother acknowledges her daughter’s murderous tendencies after her backyard chickens mysteriously die. A young girl caters the funeral of a girl rumored to be killed by a wolf-antelope. A newly-divorced mother RSVP’s to a bizarre party she was not invited to, and a murderous brother and sister upkeep their yearly tradition of abducting a young girl. These stories follow characters who navigate death, violent desires, womanhood, and loss, both self-imposed and otherwise.

This is also so subject to change as I may pull and add stories to the collection!

I think I’m going to leave this update here for now! I’ve written TONS of poetry too, but I honestly ~hate my poetry right now lol, so! Hope you enjoyed this chill rambly update. Hope writing has going well for you all! All the best!

--Rachel

[bqstqnbruin]

Give your heart a break

I did in fact scream about how much I hate and love the Bruins while in the middle of Kohl’s today, so there’s that. I also wore my Harvard hockey shirt again and another person asked me if I played for the team so next time someone asks I’m just saying yes.

This was requested ages ago (because y’all know I’m the worst when it comes to doing things in a timely manner), so I hope the anon who requested this likes it!

This was also inspired by Give Your Heart A Break by Demi Lovato!

----------------

You were on stage, loving the rush that every performance came with despite how tired you were. Now almost done with your second tour, you couldn’t believe this was your life. Your favorite song that you sang during this tour wasn’t even one of your own; Give Your Heart a Break was the only cover you performed. Every lyric seemed to mirror your relationship, despite being released before you were a teenager.

“Alright, we’re going to change things up a bit, and switch over to a song written by one of my favorite artists: Miss Demi Lovato. I hope you guys like it,” you say as the violin melody that provided the beat started to play, drawing out the sound of the crowd as you got lost in the song.

The day I first met you, you told me you’ll never fall in love. 

Singing the song takes you back to that night at the bar, out with your friends in your hometown. Your friend, Rebecca insisted you go out to this particular bar when she found out the Vancouver Canucks were going to be there seeing as she was slightly too obsessed with the group of men. You weren’t too invested the reason why you were going there, you just wanted to go out with your friends before leaving for what was going to be a way too long, three month tour around North America, your first one ever. 

“To Y/N and her tour!” Bex leads your friends toasting the first round, “let’s hope it’s successful so that when she comes back she can pay for our drinks!”

You roll your eyes, everyone agreeing as you sarcastically say, “Very funny.” They continue to banter, Bex with her eye on the hockey players sitting at the table across from yours. She was purposefully being loud enough for them to hear her say she knew someone going on tour, but that could mean a lot of things when you think about it. It was enough to catch the attention of some of them, causing them to look over and see what the commotion was about. But you weren’t too interested in anything. Leaving within the next week meant you had to focus on nothing besides your career. 

Your friends kept talking about how excited they were for you, but you weren’t paying attention. Only one of the guys at the other table had caught your eye: you weren’t sure if it was because he looked tired and like he didn’t really want to be there, sort of like you, or because of something else, but there was something that drew you to him. Apparently you caught his eye, too, since the two of you spent about five minutes doing what your friend would probably refer to as ‘eye fucking,’ even though you really hated that term. She would think that you were both mentally undressing each other, both of you fully aware of what was going on. 

You get up to get yourself another drink, praying that he would follow you to the bar. If he did, you would talk to him. But, no, you couldn’t start anything. Who the hell starts something and then leaves for three months? It’s not like you were the type of person who did a hookup, either, but who knows? No, wait. You were overthinking things, like normal. How the hell do you even know what he wants? You don’t unless he tells you. He had to follow you to the bar first. 

You order your drink, your back turned towards your friends and the Canucks. “Put it on my tab,” you hear from behind you as you’re about to hand the bartender your card. You turn around, seeing the tired boy standing behind you, trying to weasel his way next to you. “Quinn,” he introduces himself, “I hope you don’t mind. If you don’t want it I’ll just drink it and have you pay for another one.” 

You laugh at how nervous he sounds, introducing yourself and telling him it was fine that he was buying the drink for you. “My friends said next time I’m home, drinks are on me, so might as well save up while I can.” 

��You have that tour coming up, right?” he asks, you shocked that he would even know that before remembering how loud Bex was. Hockey players didn’t strike you as the type of guys to listen to your music, but then again, you remember Rebecca saying this team was watching Gossip Girl together, so anything was possible. “Sorry, I kinda listen to your music. What’s it called, the By the Book Tour?” 

You groan at hearing someone say the name out loud. “I really actually love that you listen to my music but it is so important to me that you know I did not come up with that name.” 

He laughs, starting a conversation about your music, his hockey, everything else in between. The conversation somehow managed to get really deep really fast. “Wait, but you have all those songs about being in love and the perfect guy and all that stuff.”

“Well, yeah, since I’m still new in the industry I have to write what sells and ‘build a fan base’ as my manager says before I can start writing what I really feel,” you say, rolling your eyes, “And I think I was in love and falling out of love when I wrote those songs, but I don’t know what real love is. You don’t know what it is until you actually experience it.” 

“So you don’t think you’ve been in love before?” he asks.

“No. Have you?”

He stops for a minute, trying to think before shaking his head, “Nope. I don’t think I ever will be.”

You look at him, shocked that he would even admit something like that to someone he just met. “Really? Never? You don’t think there’s someone out there for you that you could fall in love with?”

“Nah. Who’s got the time? I mean, traveling for most of the year for hockey? How can I? You’ve got to understand: you’re about to be traveling for three straight months and then who knows what comes next. How can you even find time for love?” 

“I don’t know,” you shrug, thinking about it seriously for the first time, “I think that,” you pause, trying to find the words, “I think that everyone is destined for love, regardless of how they get there. People who don’t want it might just be afraid of the pain that would come with losing it.” 

He looks at you, eyebrows raised, not like he’s shocked but impressed, instead. “I can tell you write your own songs,” he takes a long sip of his drink, finishing off the glass, “That was pretty poetic.” 

----------

You look out at the crowd, knowing exactly where they were sitting. He had the biggest smile on his face, the other guys, surprisingly, looking like they were enjoying themselves, too. 

Now here we are, so close, yet so far. Haven’t I passed the test? When will you realize: baby, I’m not like the rest?

After a month on tour, one of your shows happened to be in the same town that the Canucks were playing that night, so Quinn had suggested you meet up after your show and his game for drinks. It seemed that a lot of your upcoming tour dates and his away games matched up, some sort of weird but welcome coincidence. 

“Hey, Quinn!” you say as soon as you see him, practically jumping up from the table where you were waiting for him. You two had been talking nonstop since the night you met, but his words always haunted you, changing the flutter in your heart when his name popped up to absolute heartbreak: he doesn’t think he’ll ever be in love. Especially when you were sure you were falling in love with him. 

“Hey, how was the show?” he says, wrapping you in a tight hug. Even after just playing a game, he smelt so good.

“It was fine, not one of my best, but hey, the fans seemed to love it. As long as they’re happy, I’m happy,” you say. The trust was, you were already exhausted. Before every show, it seemed like, you were doing nonstop conferences, photoshoots, other promos like meet and greets, having your manager talk to you about your set list as if it weren’t the same each night, rehearsal, sound checks, costume, wardrobe, and so much more. You weren’t sure you had more than five hours of sleep in the last three days. You weren’t exactly sure how you were going to keep up. 

“You’re exhausted already?” he asks, as if he were reading your mind. You look at him, confused how he could have known that. “Even under the makeup you’re still wearing from tonight, I can see the bags under your eyes. Look, they’re the same as mine,” he says, laughing, pointing to his eyes. 

“I just, I knew it was going to be hard, but wow, I never thought it would be like this,” you admit, laughing at how that sounds. Something worth it is never easy, so why should this be any different. 

“But you love it, so who cares?” he asks.

“Very true.” The two of you sit there in silence for a moment, surprised it wasn’t as awkward as you expected it to be. “Can I ask you something?”

“Always.”

“Are you afraid of love?” you ask, bluntly. But after that night you met, you had to know. It had been swirling around in your head the time. The more you talked to him, the more you swear you could see yourself falling in love with him if you could spend time with him, like you were right now, but was it worth falling in love with someone who didn’t love you back? 

He looks slightly shocked at the question, but you could tell it was something he had thought about before. “Well, I wouldn’t say afraid. I just don’t think right now it’s worth it. I mean, before I moved to Vancouver, girls would say they liked me because they thought I was going to be a professional athlete. So I would end up falling for them, then when I wasn’t in the NHL fast enough for their liking, they would dump me, and I’d be left just, standing there,” he says, not making eye contact with you. You can see his face getting red, obviously getting a little upset but trying to hold it in. “I mean, I don’t have time, you’re the only girl I talk to at this point who isn’t dating one of the other guys and isn’t my mom.” 

You don’t know why, but hearing that from him made you want to cry. Unable to look at him, you bite the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from doing that, pushing the food on your plate around with your fork. You were right there, constantly flirting with each other while you were on the phone, anytime Quinn was with the guys you could hear them teasing him about how excited he got when your name popped up on his phone, or when your songs came on the radio. Your band knew that when you were alone, you were probably talking to Quinn, getting to the point where they had some sort of code word to talk about you and him. 

You thought he liked you. You were so close to getting him, and you thought that’s what he wanted. If he asked you out on a real date right then, not just two friends getting together, you would say yes with no hesitation. When is he going to understand that you aren’t those girls from his home who would dump him when he wasn’t doing what you wanted him to with hockey? Who does something like that anyway? 

-------

You felt like you were staring at him the entire time you were singing, knowing that he couldn’t take his eyes off you either. 

On Sunday you went home alone, there were tears in your eyes. I call your cell phone, my love, but you did not reply.

Another night on tour, another night where your schedule lined up with the Canucks away games. You had no idea where you were at this point, you just knew you were exhausted, leaving in the morning for the next city and planning on sleeping on the bus the entire time, praying there was no reason for anyone to bother you when you arrived in the next city Sunday night. After the show, Quinn had invited you out again, the guys celebrating some big win that you didn’t know the significance of. You really didn’t care that much, especially since it was something that made him happy, so you went along and met him anyway, despite the fact that your veins had more coffee and energy drinks coursing through them than they did actual blood. You were getting there after the guys were, trying to find their table. The bar was crowded enough as it was, trying to find them taking way too long.

“Where’s that singer girl?” one of them asked. You still didn’t know his teammates well enough by name to know who said it, all you could tell was that he was blonde.

“She should be on here by now,” Quinn says, checking his phone to see if you had sent him anything. He had no idea you were a few feet away.

“Look at Huggy bear, already whipped by a girl he won’t close on,” another one teases.

“Ok, first of all, I am not whipped. She’s my friend. Second off, we will not talk about her like that, regardless of if she’s coming here right now or not,” you hear Quinn trying to defend you, even though the boys kept teasing him about you. Whatever, part of your career was criticism, this was just part of it.

You finally make your way through the people to get to the table, Quinn’s eyes lighting up when he sees you. You had to admit, you melted a little seeing him, despite him just putting you in the friendzone, him not knowing that you heard that. But were you really ready to sit with his friends knowing that they were teasing him about you? 

“I thought you weren’t coming,” Quinn whispers into your ear, pulling you in for a hug and sending chills down your spine. 

“And miss seeing you again? Please, I’m always up for seeing a friend,” you say. You swear he flinched when you said friend, but he said it first in your defense. You could already tell this night was going to end badly somehow, and none of you wanted to find out how.

He leads you over to the table of guys, none of them seeming to notice that you and Quinn had returned. The entire night was pretty much spent with Quinn pretty much ignoring you and only paying attention to the guys. They acted like you weren’t even there.

“I’m going to go get another drink,” you say, annoyed at Quinn, motioning to the empty bottle sitting in front of you.

Quinn nods, getting up with you “I’ll come with you.” You feel his hand on the small of your back, leading you from behind through the crowd to the bar. You couldn’t help your heart beating faster at this touch, something so intimate even though it probably meant nothing to him. The two of you sit down, you obviously bothered by the way the night was going. “Hey, I’m sorry for the guys,” Quinn apologizes, studying your face, “Are you ok?”

“No,” you admit. “You’ve been ignoring me the entire night. What’s the matter with you?” 

He bites his lip, looking back and forth between you and the guys while he tries to figure out what to say. “The guys think I’m falling in love with you so they tease me about it.”

You stare at him for a moment. Could the guys be right? Could Quinn actually have the same feelings about you that you did for him? “Well are you?” you ask, knowing that it was the alcohol in your system.

“Am I what?”

“Are you falling in love with me?”

“No.”

“Oh,” is all you can let out, looking down at the drink the bartender had given you. You didn’t want to drink it. Honestly, you just wanted to throw it in his face and storm out. You couldn’t believe he was doing this to you. You look up at him, his face red, him not able to make eye contact with you. He was lying. You know he was.

“I can’t,” he says, his voice small and wavering like he was about to cry.

“That’s bullshit and you know it. You can, too, fall in love, because you know what? I’m falling in love with you, and my schedule is just as busy as yours. So stop being afraid of letting people in because you don’t want to get hurt. All that does is hurt the people around you who are trying to care for you.” You sit there for a second, waiting for his response. When he doesn’t say anything, you get up and leave, before he can see you crying.

You take out your phone, trying to dial Bex as you make your way back to the hotel you were staying in. “Hey, babe, what’s up? It’s late.”

“I hate him,” you sob into your phone, knowing it wasn’t true. “He was so close to telling me he loved me, and he just looked at me and said he won’t.”

“Whoa, whoa, back up. What do you mean?” she says. You recount the night to her, Quinn not paying attention to you and then pretty much breaking your heart right there. “Ugh. what a bitch. He should be lucky to love you.”

You can’t help but smile, even though you were still upset about what had happened. You hear your phone beeping. Taking a look at the incoming call, you decline it, “He’s trying to call me.”

“Nope. Don’t answer.”

“Not gonna. Not for a while.” 

-------

You open your eyes, not even realizing that you had them closed. For a moment, it seemed like you were just singing to him, no one else around you even though you knew the venue was full.

When your lips are on my lips, and our hearts beat as one, but you slip out of my fingertips every time you run.

“So how does it feel knowing that this is the last night of your first full tour,” Bex says on the other end of the phone. The last night was in Vancouver, meaning that all of your friends who said goodbye to you three months ago finally got to see you again, and go out and celebrate with you again. 

“I’m so ready to sleep in my own bed, I’m fucking exhausted,” you tell her, sitting in the dressing room and looking at yourself in the mirror. You still had three more hours before you were supposed to take the stage, but you could already hear the audience going crazy. It felt so surreal, traveling around America and performing in front of thousands of people every night. You had never in your wildest dreams thought you would actually be doing this.

Your thoughts and reminiscing are interrupted by a knock on your door. “Hey, Bex. I gotta go, I’ll see you tonight? You have the passes ready to see me right after the show?”

“Yep, love ya, you’re gonna kill it. See ya,” she says, hanging up.

“Come in!” you call, not getting up from your seat. You were sure it was your manager, who always insisted that you stay in your seat instead of ‘tiring yourself and using energy to get the door.’ The door opens, seeing him in the reflection of your mirror. Practically jumping out of your chair, you run over to him, having not seen him since that night you left crying. “What are you doing here?”

The two of you had been talking again, but it took a while for you to be able to get comfortable with him again. Being told that someone refuses to fall in love with you is heartbreaking, especially when you were in love with them. But at this point, all you had to do was focus on the tour and repress your feelings, and you were doing pretty well until you saw him in your doorway.

“Something I should have done a long time ago,” Quinn says, his hands snaking their way around your waist. His lips crash to yours, you stunned by what was going on before relaxing into it. Your fingers tangle in his hair, tugging the soft strands when his grip tightens around your waist, pulling you closer to him. Your mind went blank, still unable to process that he was actually here.

He finally pulls away, your foreheads resting against each other, both of you with smiles on your face. “I don’t understand?” you say. He said he couldn’t love you. You talked all the time about how you weren’t really the ‘hook-up types.’ So why did he just kiss you? Why was he here before your show?

“I’m sorry,” he says, squeezing his eyes shut, “I don’t want the pain of losing someone, so I close myself off. You are everything to me. I don’t think I let myself fall in love because I never found someone who I could see myself being with until I met you.”

“You’re not going to run away this time, are you?”

“No.”

Another knock at your door startles you before you can say or do anything else. Your manager pokes their head in, “We need you for the pre-show warm-ups?” they ask, as if you were able to say no. “Are you staying here or finding a seat?” they motion to Quinn.

“Finding a seat,” he says, running his hand through his hair. 

“I’ll see you after?” you say to him, giving him another quick kiss before running out to get ready for the final show of the tour.

-----

You finish the song, the crowd cheering. You find Quinn and the boys sitting in their seats. You go through the rest of the show, still not able to pry your eyes away from Quinn. The second you saw him sitting the crowd, you nearly started crying; he had said he wasn’t going to be able to see you on this tour because of his hockey season. So not only did he technically lie, he surprised you and took all the guys to see you perform, too. 

After the show, you can hear the guys coming back to see you through the closed door of your dressing room. Opening it before they can knock, you nearly knock Quinn over, jumping into his arms and kissing him right in front of the guys.

“Who woulda thought that Q here would have actually landed a girl?” Brock asks.

“Hey, it was bound to happen at some point, look at the child,” Jake adds, “Even if it was with someone who sings about love all the time,” he teases you.

“I make just as much money as you do and all you do is chase a small rubber thing over a slippery surface. At least I create music people listen to while most of your fans just yell at you to shoot the puck,” you shoot back, the guys laughing.

“Come on, give her a break,” Quinn finally adds, “I mean look at her, how could I not love her?” he asks, the guys groaning at how mushy he was as as you plant a kiss on his cheek. 

[ohsnapitzfuckinjordan]

Hello welcome back to my 3 am thoughts!

I’ve been noticing majority of my friends in my circle are dating someone or talking to somebody and continuously asking me if I am as well?? Like I’m glad you think I have the mental capacity to uphold a conversation with another human being that probably deserves someone better than me on all levels and most likely has a lot going for them.

I’ve been trying to use the apps and they aren���t doing it for me anymore. The conversations are so fucking dry that I can compare it to the cotton mouth I get when I’m high on another plain of existence. Apparently, I’m one of those people that have to have it be “natural” like me going to a cafe and a stranger comes up to me and strikes a conversation or just talking to me in order to get an on-the-spot moment.

Ive had a few situations where i bump into guys ive went through the talking/meeting phase but didn’t elevate to the next stage of a connection but there will be days where I’m lost in thought and think “damn, if we clicked…” (literally speaking my thoughts as we speak)

Then I dig deeper into my memory bank because that’s what we all do at almost 3 in the morning and have to work in 6 hours right? Anyways, umm I haven’t had any kiss/hand holding/physical contact (in general) in probably 5-6 years now… I think I’m SOO sensitive to even those that the next guy can even graze my hand and I would think about our future together like that fucked up!

Then I go straight to overthinking (THATS not new) where I would think “they’re only doing this because they want something from me” to “do they want sex? But I’m not the type to do that..” to “maybe they’re being nice and you’re doing too much” to “why would they want you? What makes you so special that they would even give you a second thought?”

Also, my straight friends out there. Y’all say it’s easy to just date anyone because you can. The LGBTQ+ community CANT just go up to just anyone they’re attracted to and “shoot their shot” unless that person is of same orientation and as well attracted to you. (Weird PSA and thought)

Also my friend (gay) met a couple of guys before on dating apps and I asked how tf are you matching with people?? (Not in a rude way, I meant it as “give me some tips because I’m doing something or everything wrong) hes made it sound so easy and effortless like “we talked and had one or two similarities and decided to hang out” I have my jaw on the floor at this moment and I couldn’t fathom the thought of even making any sort of connection to someone.

Even my friends/family asked me “what type of guys am I into?” Which is easy cuz my standards were high before and now I’ve dropped them to beating heart, attracted to me, and good personality (not in that order.) The usual response is “what about looks?” Which my answer would be “Anyone?? Cuz your boy is weak for those good morning text messages”

Fuck, I’m sad. I would settle for the bare minimum in a relationship just because I feel like I’m not worth the extra trouble.. like if we’d argue and he was at fault, the dude can just poke me and I’d say it’s my fault for being angry or some weird shit.

I’d say I’m extremely inexperienced in the department of relationships because if a guy asked me if I’ve dated before, i tell them straight up that I’ve never truly dated people and I’ve just been hit with the talking stage or even coming to the conclusion if they even liked me at all or just friend zoned. They’ll think there’s something wrong with me or there’s a red flag about me.

Okay my head hurts cuz I’m overthinking too much! And I gotta go sleep.

[braden-holtbys]

Wonders of the Younger

A/N: Hey all! I’m back at it again with a fic of one of my mans, Alex Iafallo. As always, part of it’ll be under the cut.

You and your friend had just moved to Manhattan Beach about a week ago from a small town near the California/Arizona state border. Sure it was a bit more expensive to live in such a beautiful area, but you couldn’t complain too much since it was better than being in the desert. To be honest, you both were still getting yourselves familiar with the city especially after spending a couple days moving into your two bed apartment. 

“Hey Y/N, you wanna go surfing?” your friend, Sarah, asked. “The weather’s perfect!!”

“Yeah, why not,” you responded as you got up from the couch. “But you should know that I’m still not very good at surfing.”

“Hey what counts is that you still have fun right?” Sarah asked once again, with an excited tone in her voice.

“Aha yeah true,” you added as the both of you started to get ready. 

It wasn’t like you were in a hurry to go since it was literally a fifteen minute walk from your place to the beach. At the same time, you just wanted to be in the water already. Luckily, you both were ready to go and the walk was quick.

You picked a spot to sit down, and you watched Sarah go to the water first as she surfed. It felt like a good twenty minutes before you decided to join in the fun and give surfing another try. 

“Hey look who decided to come in,” Sarah said playfully as she swam next to you.

“Yeah, I can't get better if I don’t try, right?” you asked as she nodded. It felt like hours passed by while you surfed. It was great, even if you fell off your board a few times since it seems like the problem for you was perfecting your form. 

2:54 pm 

“Hey Y/N, are you ready to go?” Sarah asked as she swam closer to the beach.

“Oh yeah, we’ve been here for a while,” you replied as you caught up with her. You both got off your boards and walked on the sand. Of course, you hated how the sand stuck to your feet when they were wet. A terrible feeling, truly. 

The both of you were deep in conversation about what you two were doing the rest of the day and tomorrow, barely paying attention to whatever else is going on. You were startled as you accidentally bumped into someone. 

“Oh my gosh!! I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” you exclaimed. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” the man chuckled, seemingly unbothered. “You good? I’m Alex by the way”

“I’m good too. I’m Y/N and this is my friend Sarah,” you replied as Alex smiled at your friend. 

“Hey, not to sound weird but you seem new at surfing. I can give you some pointers if you’re interested.” Alex stated. 

“Oh I’d love that! I’m not that good at surfing and she’s better than me,” you stated as you took out your phone. “Here, you can put in your number.”

“For sure,” Alex said as he quickly put in his number. “There ya go, you can text me anytime Y/N. Anyways, my friend’s waiting for me so I gotta go. It was nice meeting you both.”

“Yeah, nice meeting you too,” you and Sarah said in unison, waving goodbye as he walked away. You both walked off and lord, he’s good looking. 

3:23 pm 

“Oooohhhh, he’s cute,” Sarah said as she unlocked the apartment door. You nodded in response, putting your board against one of the walls. You decided to take out your phone and text him real quick so he can have your number.

“I guess he’ll be my new surfing instructor,” you cooed. 

The next few days turned into a couple weeks and you both have settled in your apartment. You’ve also been able to keep in touch with Alex and meet up with him at the beach so he can help you with surfing. And honestly, it’s been going great. You loved hanging out with him even though sometimes he’d be away for a week or so at a time. Sometimes you’d think you did something wrong when he didn’t text back, but you’d be over it since you figured he was busy and forgot to reply. 

Saturday, 7:03 pm

You and Sarah had decided to go to one of the local bars just to get out and have some fun. Sarah had come back to the table with some drinks and also focused her attention on the one of the televisions that was showing a hockey game. 

“Oh, I forgot that the Kings were playing tonight!” She raised her voice a bit so you could hear her. God, you hated that it was crowded and loud, but it was a Saturday night so you dealt with it.

“Right. I don’t really understand hockey but it seems interesting,” you responded, also slightly yelling. “We should go to a game sometime and you can teach me all about it too.”

“Oh hell yeah Y/N-”

“Kings score! Iafallo scores with his fourth of the season and puts the Kings in the lead for the first time tonight! 2 to 1, Kings,” the announcer exclaimed. “And there goes the second period. We’ll see ya back for the third.”

“Hey isn’t that the surfing guy you’ve been hanging out with?” Sarah asked, just as surprised as you were.

“Yeah????? What the hell, I wouldn’t have known that he played hockey!!” you replied with a smile. You took out your phone to text him, of course you didn’t expect him to respond immediately.

Y: ‘Hey I didn’t know that you play hockey! Nice goal btw!’

A: ‘Hey glad you caught the game… And thanks!’

Y: ‘You’re on a road trip right?’

A: ‘We are and should be coming back late tonight. Something on your mind?’

“Oooh who are you texting??” Sarah asked, a smirk on her face.

“It’s Alex. I’m surprised he responded quickly,” you responded.

“Are y’all gonna hang out again? Do you know?”

“I haven’t asked but he said they’re coming back late tonight and I don’t want to seem too pushy in asking to hang out. I mean we’ve been hanging out a lot lately and I’m sure he has other friends he wants to hang out with,” you stated, frowning a little. 

“I’m sure he likes hanging out with you,” Sarah said, putting a hand on yours to reassure you to try to not overthink.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

Y: ‘Nah, not really. Just let me know when y’all get home so I know you got back safe.’

A: ‘Ahah will do. Maybe we can hang out tomorrow or Monday if you’re not busy, yeah?’

Y: ‘I’ll see ya Monday. I want you to rest up tomorrow.’

A: ‘Sounds good. Anyways, I’ll text ya later.’

You both continued to watch the game at the bar with it going into overtime. It didn’t take long for the Kings to score once more, ending the game with a 3-2 score. Sarah had called up an Uber since it was already past 10 pm. It was about a 20 minute drive back to your place and you both immediately went to bed. You were too tired to scroll through your Instagram or any of your socials, even if it helped a little to fall asleep. However, you saw a notification pop up that Alex had found and followed you on Instagram. Surprise, surprise. 

You laid in bed with your eyes closed, but your mind felt like it was going 40 miles an hour. You wondered if Alex liked you. Sure he’s hot and looks like he can get with whoever, but you still wondered as you both continued to hang out. You didn’t want to ruin anything of course, but you opened your eyes again only to see that it was just past two in the morning. You checked your phone real quick to see that Alex did follow through and had just texted you that they landed. Smiling, you texted back with just a ‘glad to hear’ and went back to sleep. 

Was this one of the many wonders of the younger? Somehow your heart felt full, even though you had just met Alex weeks ago. Maybe there is something more.

[thesvenqueen]

Jurassic Park

Rating: T (may change, who knows) Words: 2082 Pairing: Kristanna Also on AO3

Previous Chapters ( 1 )

Note: wow, look, i wrote this real quick lol faster than i expected. either way, gonna try to keep updating quickly but you know...life happens and finds a way. anyways, thank you all for the support for ch.1 hopefully i won’t let y’all done 

{Chapter 2}

To say the last few hours were a whirlwind would be an understatement. 

Soon after Dr. Hammond’s arrival and full explanation of his suggested plan, Anna and Kristoff began preparing for their weekend getaway. 

Kristoff had spent most of the time explaining to his TAs what to do while they were away, how to efficiently manage the site though most laughed when he began his explanation. Most if not all of his TA’s were well aware of the process, knew the routine like the back of their hand. Still, with it being such an important excavation and new sites being found nearly every day, he had to make sure.

This could potentially be the biggest discovery of their lives and the hell if he was going to let anyone mess it up. 

Anna worked mostly with the students: explaining the in’s and out’s, what they’re next assignment would be, what she was expecting when they returned. 

Not one of them, TAs and students alike, asked where they were going or why they were heading out. Mostly because word got around quick on this site and Kristoff was certain that they all knew who their surprise visitor was. In retrospect, it made things easier not having to explain over and over. 

Once everything was settled and planned, they were off. 

Now, after a quick helicopter ride, a few hours on a private plane (one that Kristoff had struggled to get even remotely comfortable on. Anna had giggled nearly the entire flight at him, making fun of the fact that despite how hard Kristoff tried, he failed miserably in enjoying the flight. To be fair, he’d never set foot into something so fancy and nice. He’d never felt so out of place and felt like anything he’d touch he’d ruin immediately) and one night on the island of Costa Rica, they were just one short helicopter flight away from reaching their destination.

Kristoff couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him, Anna was practically buzzing in her seat. Since they’d left the hotel, her leg hadn’t stopped bouncing, a telling sign of her anxiousness. 

“What?” She said, whipping around at the sound.

“Someone’s excited.”

“Why would you say that?” Anna said, trying to play it cool.

“I think your leg is shaking the car.”

Anna bit her lip, halting her leg, “Sorry.”

“Hey,” Krisotff said, grabbing her hand, “No need to be sorry.”

“I know I know, I just...it’s exciting! This whole thing I...never in my life did I think I’d ever meet Dr. Hammond, let alone fly on his private jet. It’s like a dream.”

Kristoff kissed the back of her hand, “I know what you mean.”

She smiled, “And the fact he’s going to help fund everything too?! Makes me excited to see what he has on this island of his.”

Kristoff hummed in agreement, “Me too.”

“Why does it feel like I’m the only one that’s excited?”

Kristoff sighed, “I am.” Truly, he was excited. This whole trip, like Anna had said, was something out of his wildest dreams. First class, fully paid, funding for three years; it was more than he’d ever imagined. But still… “I just, I have a weird feeling about this.”

“Why?” Anna asked, looking at him confused.

“He said it’s a park, a theme park, but he never said would tell us what exactly the park was. No theme or anything.” Kristoff furrowed his brows as he thought, “He never even mentioned a ride actually.” 

“Maybe he wants it to be a surprise?”

“Maybe...I’m still stuck on why he’d want us, of all people to, come approve his park. You’d think we would be the last people to be picked. Then there was the fact his lawyer had been content on the idea of us coming too…” Not content, thrilled as Dr. Hammond had put it. “I don’t know.”

Kristoff rubbed his eyes then turning to look at her with a soft smile, “Maybe I’m just overthinking it.”

“Maybe…” Anna said, squeezing his hand, “But you’re not wrong. It’s all very...secretive.”

“Very.” 

“Still, whatever it is, you should still enjoy it while we can.” 

“We should.” Kristoff pulled her to him, wrapping his arm around her as she leaned against him. “Not like we’ll be getting this treatment again any time soon.”

Anna hummed in agreement, “I feel spoiled.”

“Do I not spoil you?”

“Oh you do, you really do but...definitely not like this.”

“...I’m slightly offended by that.”

-------

“Ah, my favorite couple!” Dr. Hammond called as they exited the car. He was standing next to the helicopter, again in all white but this time he held what looked to be a cane. One that oddly enough, was made to look as though it was made of bones. “I hope your trip wasn’t too bad.”

“Oh no, it was great, thank you.” Anna said, shaking his hand. “Couldn’t thank you enough for all of this, truly.: 

“Please, it was the least I could do. Want to make sure you’re both as comfortable as possible. We should be moving along shortly. Waiting on one more guest and we should be on our way.” He turned to the driver of the car, “Sir, if you could just place the bags in the copter, my pilot will assist you.”

“No need, I’ll help.” Kristoff said, moving to the trunk. 

They hadn’t brought much, only two bags which was more than enough for a quick weekend trip. As he pulled the suitcases out, he spotted another gentleman join Anna and Dr. Hammond as they walked towards the helicopter. Judging by his suit and briefcase, he must have been the lawyer that the Dr. had mentioned. 

Odd choice of attire for such a tropical location but Kristoff didn’t judge. Well, only a little as when he passed he saw the poor man sweating bullets, pulling out a handkerchief from his coat to wipe off his forehead. 

As he was handing one of their bags off to the pilot, he heard another car approaching. He didn’t turn to see the approach but heard it pull up and the engine cut off. When he handed the other bag to the pilot, he heard Anna gasp and then squeal in excitement. 

“Oh my gosh,” She yelled, Kristoff turning just in time to see Anna take off towards the car. 

There, standing next to the vehicle was a tall man with brown curly hair. He wore all black, right down to his shoes and belt. His buttoned shirt was undone just enough to show off just a bit of chest hair and a long, single crystal necklace. He was holding a leather jacket behind his shoulder, but he dropped it immediately upon seeing Anna running to him.

The man laughed as she reached him, engulfing her in a massive hug. 

Kristoff watched them as he came back to stand next to Dr. Hammond. Anna and the man continued to chat for a moment, Anna laughing at something he said as the man smirked at her.

As they made their way over, Anna’s arm looped with the stranger’s, Kristoff heard Dr. Hammond sigh.

“Dr. Hammond, if I’d known you were bringing this angel along I would’ve complied much quicker.” The man joked.

Kristoff saw Dr. Hammond force a smile, “Yes well, I have a feeling that still would not have been enough for you.” He turned then, walking towards the doors of the helicopter.

If the man heard Dr. Hammond’s remark, he didn’t react. He was still intently looking down at Anna as she giggled, a smirk on his face.

One that created just a tinge of jealousy in Kristoff. He coughed then, catching his attention and Anna’s.

“Oh, Sven, this is my husband Kristoff Bjorgman. He’s a paleontologist as well, we work together at the university.”

Kristoff reached out his hand, shaking Sven’s, “Pleasure.”

“Pleasure is mine. You’re one lucky man to have snagged this one.” Sven said, smirking back to Anna. 

She glared at Sven, “Kris, this is Sven, Sven Malcolm.” That name. Why did that name ring a bell? “He’s a mathematician.”

That caught Kristoff by surprise. “Mathematician?”

Sven chuckled, “Mostly yes, but nowadays I’m more into chaos.”

Anna rolled her eyes, “Yes, so I have heard.”

“Oh, you’ve been keeping up with me have you?”

“Only enough to know that you should’ve stuck to mathematics. Your whole chaos theory pursuit is just that, chaos.”

Oh. Now he knew where he’d heard that name. 

Sven Malcom. 

The lead theorist in the chaos theory, or at least currently. The theory itself was not a new theory, Kristoff remembers hearing about it during school but he never quite understood it. He knew the theory was mathematics based, why most theorists were mathematicians themselves, but the theory overall went right over his head. 

Something about there are patterns but then again there weren’t patterns? Something about the Butterfly effect too? 

Either way, unlike many of the others who believed within the theory, Sven was very outspoken on his belief in it. 

Extremely outspoken. 

That was why when he had gotten into trouble once, his name had made headlines. Something about after speaking at a university, he got into an intense argument with a professor after, over the chaos theory, that somehow then led to a fist fight. He remembers that part because both Sven and the professor had spent a night in jail, and when asked about the incident, Sven had just said “Well, that’s chaos for you.”

It had screamed self-centered when Kristoff read it, and now seeing Sven face to face, he had been very accurate.

The idea of Anna knowing this man was...surprising to say the least.

“It suits me.” Sven said with a grin, “Chaos is my middle name, as you are well aware.”

“Yes, as is trouble and many other words I could think of if you gave me time.”

Sven raised a hand up to his heart, a look of hurt on his face, “Such snark Anna, you haven’t changed one bit.”

Anna giggled then, “Neither have you!”

“How do you know each other, exactly?” Kristoff interrupted, sounding a little too harsh even to his own ears. 

“Oh,” Anna said, “We were friends in college! I was struggling in my math class freshman year and he offered to help.”

“You needed it.”

“Shut up, I was doing just fine. Just...needed a little assistance is all.” Anna said, “Anyways, we stayed friends after that and then just sort of faded off after graduation and that was, what, how many years ago?”

“Oh, that was such a long time ago. Making me feel quite old now.”

“You are old.”

“Not as old as you! Look at you, you’re a married woman now! Never thought I’d see the day!”

Anna gaped at Sven and smacked his arm as he just merely chuckled. 

Kristoff stood watching the two and the twinge of jealousy was blooming slowly to something much larger. 

For the love of God Bjorgman, you’re married to her. She’s your wife and he’s just her friend, get it together!

But still, something about the way Sven held himself, how he smirked, how he patted Anna’s hand, it just made Kristoff’s jaw clench.

“Alright, I think we are all set then.” Dr. Hammond said, interrupting Kristoff’s thoughts. The Dr. turned to the pilot and pointed his cane, “Start the engine Andrew, if you could please!”

Kristoff wore a small smile as Anna came back to his side, grabbing his hand. “You ready?”

He turned towards the helicopter, watching everyone climb inside. Sven said something, he couldn’t catch it as it had been drowned out by the sound of the engines, but whatever he had said had made Dr. Hammond frown, close his eyes and sigh. 

So far, there had been nothing that Sven had said that Dr. Hammond had liked. Which raised the question, if he didn’t like the man, why bring him to the park? Then again, why invite a mathematician to this theme park in the first place? What did his approval have to do with anything? 

None of it made sense to him, nothing at all. He felt just as confused about the whole thing as he did about the chaos theory. 

Kristoff sighed, mentally preparing himself for what just became possibly a very very long weekend and hoping to God he wasn’t about to regret this, “As ready as I ever will be.”

[fanficwriter013]

The Tower: Unexpected - 6

The Tower: Unexpected An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist Previous //

Pairing:  Avengers x ofc, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 1858

Warnings:   pregnancy, ff smut, oral sex, sixty nine, fingering, angsty stuff (y’all should really expect that by now.) 

Synopsis: A little over 2 years after moving into the Avengers Tower, Elly finds herself pregnant against the odds.  While some are excited, others are terrified, and pregnancy that none expected to happen causes rifts through the group and threatens to end the relationship.  

Author’s Note:  Written with the only person I talk to @avengerscompound

Chapter 6: Wanda

Wanda was my rock for the next few days as Natasha and Steve rounded up people for blood tests and Steve spent his time between Avengers stuff, Bucky and me.  She was there every morning holding my hair as I threw up.  She cuddled up with me at night.  She made sure I was eating enough and if I threw something up right away, she’d try again with something new until I kept it down again.

I don’t exactly know why she had taken to this as strongly as she had.  It wasn’t like she had ever brought up wanting to be a mother.  She could have had her own.  Some people just are though, even before they have kids, and Wanda had always been that kind of person.  I guess the moment she saw I was pregnant it just felt right to her.

The morning sickness was getting bad too.  So on mornings I’d wake up and rush straight to the bathroom she’d be there, holding my hair and rubbing my back.

“The ginger pills do not seem to be doing much,”  She said as she sat behind me rubbing my back.  “Maybe we should contact Doctor Schroeder and ask her if there is something else you can take.”

“It works after I take it but I don’t take it in the middle of the night,”  I say as I rested my head on my arms and breathed heavily, waiting for the nausea to pass completely.

“My poor, pirano.”  She said.  “You want to try and eat.  I can make millet if your stomach is really off.  Perhaps with ginger tea.”

I nodded slowly and got up, flushing the toilet.  “Yeah.  I should probably shower.  I have work.”

“You know Tony won’t care if you don’t go in.”  She reasoned.

“And you know I don’t want to be paid to be Tony’s girlfriend,”  I replied and then frowned.   “I guess he’d be paying me to just be your girlfriend now though.”

She put her arm around my waist and rubbing my stomach.  “He’ll be back.”

“I hope so.”

She sighed and let me go, turning on the shower.  “I can hear them all you know.  They want to be here with you.  They are all angry at themselves for being as scared as they are.  It’s just…”  She turned back to me and tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear.  “Most of them haven’t exactly had the best role models for what being a parent is.”

“Well, I haven’t either, Wanda.  The difference is I don’t get to run from it or hide in my lab while I figure out how to do it.  I gave them an out.  No one took it.”

“Please don’t yell at me.”  She said pulling back.  “I’m still here.”

I sighed and started stripping off my clothes.  “I’m sorry.  I know.  I just miss them and I don’t feel like this is my home anymore.  I keep thinking it would be better if I moved out.”

“I know.  I wish you would stop that.”

“I’m sorry,”  I whispered.  “I’m sorry, Wanda.”

“Hey, hey, hey.  Shhhh… it’s okay.  You need to be easy on yourself too.  You have to come to terms with it too.”  She said pulling me into her arms.  I made myself as small as I could, curling up into her.  “Have your shower.  I’ll have food ready for you when you get out.”

I showered, managing to not throw up again when the scent of the shampoo overwhelmed me.  I changed into comfortable clothes and tied my hair back in a loose ponytail and came out to the living room.  Wanda brought me out a bowl of warm millet and a hot ginger tea.  I curled up against her as I ate slowly.

“What do you want them to be, Wanda?”  I asked completely out of the blue.  I knew it wouldn’t matter.  She knew I had been thinking about genders and names.  I’m sure my mind was screaming about it.

“I would like a boy and a girl.  But I might be slightly biased towards that.”  She said, caressing her fingers over my stomach.

“That would be balanced,”  I said.

“Sam wants a boy.”  She said.

“He does?”  I asked.

She smiled.  “Yes.  He wants to name them Riley too.  He’d never ask, but he asked me if he thought the name would work for a boy or a girl.”

“I wish he’d talk to me,”  I said.

“Yes, I know.  He’ll be home soon.  He’s just … his sister is berating him and it’s making him overthink.  She wants him to find out if it’s his and if it is, she says he needs to marry you.  I think it’s making him doubt himself a little.  He was raised by a pastor.  His family do not understand and he wants them to.  He wants them to be in the babies life.”

I frowned.  He was going to get back and find out it was twins.  What if one was his and one wasn’t?  How would she take that news?

“Don’t worry about Sam.  He’ll work it out.”  She said and kissed my head.   “I can tell you what the other’s want if you like.  Will that help?”

“Yes.   I think it will.”

“Well I can’t hear Bruce, but Hulk wants one of each.  Steve actually truly doesn’t mind.  Clint wants girls.  Natasha doesn’t mind but likes the idea of at least one being a girl.  Bucky wants a girl.  Tony wants a boy.”

I smiled.  It was a good sign at least.  I wondered if any of them had considered names besides Sam.  “He really wanted to name them after Riley?”

“Yeah.  That’s what he said to me.  He said not to tell you though.”  She said.

“I’m glad you did,”  I said and leaned back and kissed her cheek.  “It helped.”

“I can see that.”  She said with a smile.

I didn’t say anything for a while, I just sat pressed against her, slowly sipping the tea and thinking about how Sam wanted to name one of the children after his ex-boyfriend and how so many.  “Wanda?”

“Yes, El?”

“If I have a boy... do you wanna ... No. You probably want to save that for one of your own kids.  Never mind.”

I didn’t even need to ask the question really.  My garbled words weren’t enough to drown out the fact I had been thinking it might be nice to name one after her brother.

She gasped and her hand went to her mouth.  “You would… you would do that?”

“If one of them is a boy.  Not if you don't want me to.”

She blinked a few times as her eyes started to fill with tears and she pulled me into a tight hug, her powers catching the mug in my hand and moving it to the coffee table in a cloud of pink light before it spilled over both of us.  I nuzzled into her neck and just enjoyed being in her arms.

“If you wanted to, and they all agreed.”  She said.  “Then yes.”

“I want to,”  I whispered.

“Okay then.  If it’s a boy and everyone agrees, Pietro.”  She said and pressed her lips to the top of my head.

I ran my hands over my stomach.   “Pietro,”  I said quietly.  I didn’t even have any idea what I was having, but having a name, even a potential one, somehow made it feel more real.

“I love you, Elly.”  She said, pushing that feeling into me.  It made me feel warm and … well good.  Like a dark cloud had suddenly lifted.

“I love you too,”  I said and turned in her arms, kissing her neck.

She chuckled and wrapped her arms around me and rolling her hips under me.  “What are you doing there. I thought you were feeling sick?”

“I was.  Now I’m feeling this.”  I replied as my hands trailed up her sides.

“Being pregnant sounds weird.”  She said and kissed me deeply.

We kissed slowly, taking our time to just enjoy the intimacy of it.  I shifted leg between hers and she raised her own so each roll of our hips meant our pussy ground against the other’s thigh.

The pregnancy hormones were definitely messing with me.  All the extra estrogen and progesterone made me on edge and I was wet by the first kiss.  By the time we moved on to shedding our clothes, I was dripping for her.

I started to kiss down her body and she cupped my cheek shaking her head.  “I want to go down on you.”  She said.

“But I wanna …”  I whined.

She started laughing and rolled us over so I was on my back.  “So demanding.”  She teased.  “I wonder how we can solve that?”

I smirked at her and she turned, straddling my face as she dropped down and planted a large open mouth kiss on my pussy.  I did the same to her, swirling my tongue around so that as she created a warm tingle that first built in my cunt and slowly spread out, her own arousal filled my mouth with her sweet acidic juices.

We took our time to savor each other.  The moans we made were both from the pleasure spreading through us and the taste on our lips.  They got louder as we went.  Wanda’s muscles clenched and trembled as I brought her closer to orgasm.  She could feel what I was feeling too, so not only did she know exactly what to do to get me off, that increased her own experience.  Soon she was quivering sitting right on the edge of orgasm.

I pushed my fingers inside her and stroked them over her walls, focusing on the spongy surface of her g-spot and making her whole body shudder above me. 

She seized up and came, crying out.  “Oh god, Elly.”  She mewled as she held herself up above me.

“That’s it, beautiful.”  I hummed and drank her up as her fluids ran from her.

She took a moment, breathing heavily as she regained control and her mouth was back on me again.  She plunged two fingers into my pussy and began fucking me with them.  Each thrust of her hand and twist of her wrists made her fingers drag over my g-spot and sent jolts running through me.

I focused on her as best I could, working my fingers inside her as I sucked and nipped at her clit.  I came suddenly, arching up under her.  I think a combination of feeling how my orgasm affected me and the way I worked her cunt sent her over, because as I came, so did she.  Shuddering above me.

She crawled off on top of me and I moved in beside her, curling up against her.  “Now I feel better.”  I sighed.

She giggled and kissed me.  “Don’t you need to be at work?”  She asked, pulling back and tucking my hair behind my ear.

“I’m sure Tony won’t mind.”  I hummed and closed my eyes, relaxing against her.

// NEXT

[httphopewrld]

the gentlemen fratboy | (f/m)

You weren’t one for parties, but your friends convinced you to ‘take a break’ from your school work. At first, you were hesitant about attending a party, but soon you found yourself a bit intoxicated and dancing with your friends. As you swayed your hips to the music, you felt someone join in behind you. And you couldn’t believe who it was.

Pairing: fratboy!hoseok x reader

Genre: Fluff and smut

Rating: 15+? There’s drinking, partying, swearing, some grinding, kissing, dirty talk, foreplay

Warnings: some making out and swearing, dirty talk, and foreplay (I guess fingering, but there’s no penetration at all, so I guess it’s not fingering—but there’s touching down in that region-?)

Word Count: 2k+

A/N: I was planning on writing something for Namjoon this week, because it was his birthday, but I’m running late on that...so here’s a Hobi fic for you guys! Sorry for the late upload. School’s kinda dragging me through the mud 😅😪

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

 He was hot. Fuck, he was scolding hot.

You watched as he shook people’s hands and directed them to the bar in the far-left corner. Girls were practically drooling as he walked by in his loose button-down shirt and black jeans. He was the perfect party host: he greeted guests, offered them drinks, and checked up on people. The only thing that made you less enthralled to introduce yourself was, he was the most popular fratboy on campus.

He had the reputation for charming girls and being able to chug beers at an abnormally fast rate. Not only did he have a great track record of having sex with girls and rumored to have a few steamy make-out sessions with some guys; he was said to be ‘great in bed’. However, he was also seen as a perfect guy: holding doors open for people, helping out in the community, and getting good grades.

And you would be lying if you said you weren’t curious about how he was behind closed doors.

On the other hand, you were the classic academic goody-two-shoes, with a perfect track record of good grades and study sessions with friends. Sometimes you would engage in parties, but not the frat ones filled with girls and booze, but ones with wine tasting and various famous cheeses.

However, you found yourself in a flurry of school work and stress; which caused your friends to plan an ‘interjection’.

You were working on a project in the peace and quiet of your dorm when the door burst open. Your friends began cheering while holding up shot glasses and a bottle of tequila.

You close friend, Belinda, was holding a shot glass and the bottle of tequila. “Y/N! Drop whatever you’re doing and take this,” she poured the golden liquid into the glass and held it out to you.

Beside her, stood your three other friends: Kevin, Jacob, and Maria. They too were holding some shot glasses.

“What the fuck are you guys doing?” You chuckled, gesturing to their hands.

“Pregaming, what else?” Maria said as if she was stating the obvious.

You looked between Kevin and Jacob, who were usually the most mature out of the whole group. “What do you mean ‘pregaming’?

“We’re taking you partying, Y/N!” Belinda took your hands and made you take the filled shot glass.

You put the glass down, “No, no, no. It’s a weekday.”

“Bro,” Jacob took the tequila bottle from Belinda and poured everyone a shot glass, “you’ve been working your ass off all week, and are due for a break.”

“And drinks are going to help how-?” You scoffed as Jacob gave the rest a glass of liquor.

Kevin sighed, “Does he have to spell it out, Y/N?” He smelled the drink in his hands, causing him to dry heave, “We’re pregaming for a party so we don’t have to drink lots there. We’re going to take you to this party because we want you to take a break from school work.”

He took a measly sip of the liquor before smacking his lips in disgust, “Now, if you don’t want to take a shot with us, no biggy. Don’t give in to peer pressure.” He held up the glass in a sign of cheers, which caused the other two to raise their glasses too, “But at least come to the party with us for twenty minutes before saying ‘I told you I’d hate this’.”

You laughed at Kevin’s last statement because it would totally be something you’d say.

Maybe I do deserve a break? You weighed in your brain. I can’t remember the last time I actually let myself go.

You bit your lip and continued to overthink the options.

“Well?” Belinda interrupted. “Are you coming or not?”

You sighed before picking up the shot glass and holding it up with the others, “Alright fine.”

“Yay!” Maria cheered as everyone’s glass clinked together.

You all shared a disgusted cringe after you all swallowed the liquor.

.

.

When the five of you arrived at the Sigma Nu building, you could tell it was the biggest party on campus. Club music created rhymical thumps in the ground and people wandering around outside the building held red solo cups. There were a few hundred students here, at least.

Before you could enter the building, a boy greeted you at the entrance.

He wore a loose button-up shirt tucked into his back jeans. His smile resembled a heart as he welcomed you all. “Hey! Welcome to Sigma Nu, also known as Knights. Drinks are served on your left,” He gestured to your left before dashing off to talk to other people.

As you guys walked into the party, you couldn’t help but hear Belinda and Maria gush over the boy who just greeted you guys as the entrance.

“Was that Jung Hoseok?” Belinda whispered.

Maria smirked, “The infamous fratboy who sleeps with literally every girl on campus?”

“Well, not every girl,” Belinda giggled, pointing out that she was one of the ‘girls’ who hasn’t slept with Hoseok.

“Apparently he’s really good in bed and great at aftercare,” Maria gasped, causing Jacob and Kevin to roll their eyes.

“Do y’all want drinks or what?” Jacob said, annoyed at the girls thirsting over Hoseok.

“Two beers, please,” Maria chimed.

“Y/N?” Jacob turned to you.

“The same thing, please,” you awkwardly smiled.

He nodded before walking further into the party, in search of drinks.

“I’ll get a beer too, thanks!” Kevin shouted after Jacob before making a ‘tsk’ noise.

You both tried to familiarize yourselves with your surroundings, by staying where you were and looking around. Both of you did that for a few minutes until you realized that Belinda and Maria had already left you two stranded in the foyer area.

“Where the fuck-?” Kevin began, as he was about to walk off to look for the missing two.

“Hey!” You grabbed his arm, “We’re looking together, man. Do you know what happens when the last two go different ways in horror movies?”

“They die…?” He guessed, not really getting your message.

“Exactly! And I don’t wanna die in a place full of drunk students.”

He shook your hand off his arm, “You’re not going to die here,” he started leading the way, “stop overreacting.”

You both walked further into the party. Thankfully, Kevin was about six foot, which meant a small path was easily made before him. You held onto his jacket gently, like a small toddler not wanting to lose their parent.

After reaching halfway, you heard the familiar exciting squeals of your two friends.

“Kevin! Y/N!” Maria held both of you red solo cups. “Where have you guys been? Drink up! Don’t bring us to shame.”

You and Kevin exchanged concerned looks before taking a sip of the mystery liquid in the cups. The drink tasted bitter and smelled like rubbing alcohol.

Kevin was the first to spit it back into the cup.

“What…is this Mars?” He feigned a smile.

“Oh! Something Belinda and I made.” They both took gleeful chugs from their cups before letting out a satisfied sigh. “Great, huh?”

“Delicious,” was all you could muster.

“Y/N!”

You turned to see Jacob holding three drinks in his hands and trying his best to bite down on the edge of a cup with his mouth.

Once he reached the four of you, he handed out the overdue beers. You and Kevin took desperate gulps of the alcohol in a way to wash down the previous sip from Maria and Belinda’s unidentified concoction.

“Wow, you guys were in need of a beer.” Kevin laughed.

“Try this,” You and Kevin said in unison while holding up both of your first cups.

Jacob did as he was told and as you all watched him take a hefty drink from the cup, his eyes open with absolute surprise and terror. He swallowed it, of course, but immediately covered his mouth afterward.

“Never again,” was all he could say.

You and Kevin laughed, but Maria and Belinda didn’t look entirely thrilled with his reaction.

“Let’s just get this party going,” Belinda muttered, pulling away from you guys with an equally irritated Maria.  

Jacob whistled before giggling, “Ooops.”

He turned to you and Kevin, “Well, I guess it’s just us.” He shrugged before exclaiming, “let’s drink!”

.

.

Maybe you had too many drinks. Well, enough to think irrationally and act on a whim.

You had Jacob and Kevin, which was good. They looked after you and made sure no weird people would take advantage of you in your slightly intoxicated state.

All of you leaned against the wall with beer bottles in hand. It was your fourth beer? You all had lost track. Kevin has definitely had some shots, from his dozier state.

Before you guys were just talking rubbish, but now you’ve moved on to deeper thoughts. Ones that were mostly reserved for angsty late-night talks.

“Why can’t I find a decent person?” You questioned.

“Like, there’s plenty of fish in the sea,” you gestured to the crowd around your guys, “girls, guys, I’m not picky.”

“Bro,” Jacob put a reassuring hand on your shoulder, “you’ll find someone.”

You grasped his hand, “You too, bro.”

“Yeah, Jacob,” Kevin chimed in, “you’re fucking smart, good looking, and super nice!”

“Thank dude,” Jacob smiled.

You all took a sip of your drinks.

“Hey, isn’t that fratboy, Hoseok, free?” Jacob wondered, pointing to the guy across the room.

Kevin's eyes lit up as he turned to Jacob, “Yeah! A total package, right?”

“Yeah! Great in bed, totally polite,” Jacob added sarcastically, reciting Belinda’s words form before.

“Woah, you guys speaking from experience?” You teased as you took an amused sip of your drink.

Both of them blush as Kevin made an embarrassed ‘psshh’ noise, “Nah, just rumors.”

“Hmmm.” You hummed, not entirely convinced.

You looked over at Hoseok, who was standing with some friends across the room. A crowd of people dancing stood between you two, causing you to only see his shoulders up.

He was good looking, to say the least. His chestnut hair was slightly wavy, which framed his face nicely. He had a good sense of style, which was always appreciated. His smile was adorable and made your heart melt instantly.

He seemed nice, from the way he greeted you guys before.

But the way he was a fratboy made you less excited to approach him.

“Checking out the package, I see,” Kevin hummed, “I don’t blame you.”

You slapped his shoulder playfully, “Kevin! Jesus!”

“What?” He smirked. “Better go get him before I do.”

You chug the last bits of your beer, then took Kevin and Jacob’s bottles and finished them too. They only watched you with shock as you set the empty bottles on the counter and began walking over to Hoseok.

But you stopped in mid-step, turning around and jogging back to your disappointed friends. However, you had a confident smile on your face.

“You know what?” You grabbed both of their hands, “I don’t need to walk over to him. Tonight isn’t about getting a dude and sleeping with him.”

Jacob and Kevin looked between each other as you continued preaching, “I don’t need no man! For all I know, he needs me,” you tugged your two friends towards the dance floor, “and tonight was my break, not a time to stress over fratboys.”

“She does have a point,” Kevin agreed.

Jacob sighed, “I guess we’re dancing?”

“Fuck yeah we are!” You cheered once you three found a spot on the crowded dancefloor.

The vibrations from the music numbed your legs, but you didn’t mind. You friends danced with your ridiculously and sang all the lyrics with you; even if you were just mumbling because you didn’t know the words.

You shouted to the lyrics from ‘Truth Hurts’ by Lizzo and cried ‘Slow Dancing in The Dark’ by Joji. You didn’t care who was watching. Your friends were there, and that was all that mattered.

Something slow came through the speakers. It wasn’t a slow dancing song, but one that enticed body rolls and swaying hips.

You did so, moving your hips back and forth to the music, feeling a slight burn in your core for an unknown reason.

At this point, you weren’t totally sure if your friends were around, or if you were the only one dancing; but you felt someone behind you.

They moved with you, grazing your bottom with, what you assumed to be, their pelvis. You turned your head slightly to see who it was, and you almost choked on your breath.

You quickly looked forward, eyes bulging out of your head. Is that Jung Hoseok?

Despite the panic creeping into your stomach, you continued to sway against him.

His thigh slid between yours, allowing you to move deeper into him. You brushed closer to his crotch, causing him to grip your sides and let out a gasp loud enough for you to hear.

The air feels hot as the certain angle of his torso, and your lower hips, causes you to grind against his thigh; making you moan quietly and lean your head back against his chest. You could hear his low chuckle as his arm came to wrap around your waist.

When the music gradually stopped, he turned you around with a simple push against your sides.

You could see the lust in Hoseok’s eyes, as they practically ate up your image.

“Wanna come back to my room?” He asked; a bit too eagerly than intended.

You nodded as he grasped your hand and guided you to his room on the second floor.

Hoseok’s bedroom door burst open as you two stumbled in. Your lips were connected to his, ravishing on his taste of alcohol and lip balm.

His hands hungrily gripped your clothes as he gently nudged you onto the bed, allowing you to adjust to the bounciness and lie on your back.

You wanted him so bad. You could feel your underwear clinging to your core as he quickly stripped off his t-shirt and crawled over you.

“Fuck,” he mumbled between kisses, “you’re so fucking hot.”

You moaned against his lips. “P-please—”

“Please what sweetheart?” He left wet kisses down the column of your neck. “Use your words.”

You hated how needy you were. “T-touch me—”

You felt him smirk against your neck, then his hand slowly traveling down your stomach.

His hand found the heat between your thighs, his fingers ushering the slick fabric aside.

“Like this?”

Hoseok grazed your slit with his fingertips before circling your clit.

“So fucking wet, just for me.” His pace picked up. “I don’t even have to fill you up for you to come undone.”

You moan at his words, feeling the familiar burning in your core.

“I-I’m gonna—”

But then his movements abruptly stopped. His hand moved away from your wetness, and his body completely away from you.

“Shit,” was all he could seem to say.

“What?” You were concerned because his face appeared to have drained all color.

“Are you drunk?”

You were puzzled from his question. “I’ve had a few drinks.”

“Fuck,” he ran a hand through his matted hair before saying, “We can't do this.”

“Why?” You were annoyed now. “Is it me?”

“No!” Hoseok quickly sat down beside you.

“It’s just—” He fiddled with his hands. “You’re intoxicated. And that means decisions you make right now might be regretted in the morning.”

He had a point, but you were still annoyed that he stopped.

Hoseok seemed to tell, “Look, I would love to make you cum right here and now,” he chuckled. “But I don’t want you to do to something that you could possibly not remember in the morning; or if you were to remember but regret it.”

You smiled, “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” he got off the bed and held his hand out, a heart-shaped smile on his face.

“May I take you home?”

“Yes, please,” you replied, grasping his outstretched hand, and allowing him to hoist you off the bed.

 You ended up getting a piggyback from Hoseok on the way back to your dorm. He insisted, because he was afraid of you stumbling over, and he felt like he owed you one.

When you got back, Jacob and Kevin were waiting in front of your room’s door. They looked relieved at first, but that quickly turned into ‘big brother protect’ mode.

“Why are you carrying her like that?” Jacob questioned, almost fuming.

“Did you fuck her?” Kevin snarled, taking you off of Hoseok’s back. “She’s drunk, did you know that? You’re sick.”

“Guys,” you put two firm hands on Jacob and Kevin’s chest, “he actually stopped while we were doing shit, and insisted I went back home.”

Your two friends were in an embarrassing shock as you continued, “Because he didn’t want to have sex with me because I was drunk.”

Kevin was the first to apologize, “Sorry, man. Thanks for bringing her back.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Jacob added,

“No worries,” Hoseok smiled.

You all stood in an awkward silence before Hoseok gestured towards the entrance of the dorm. “I’ll head back to the party.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jacob and Kevin agreed.

“Make sure she has some water and Advil,” Hoseok assured, pointing at you.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow…?” His higher tone at the end of his sentence suggested you fill in the blank.

“Y/N,” you giggled.

“Hoseok,” he grinned, as he promptly stumbled back into a wall.

“Have a good night!” He chimed before running out of the dorm.

“You too,” you replied, even though Hoseok wouldn’t be able to hear you.

Your two friends looked back at you.

“Had fun?” Kevin asked smugly, obviously knowing the answer.

“Shut up,” you chuckled, unlocking your door with your key card.

[missjanjie]

Branjie Fic | Take Me Back to the Start (6/?)

Title: Take Me Back to the Start Summary:   Everyone remembers their first love. Not everyone carries those feelings from childhood to senior year. Yet Brock is starting his last year of high school while still longing for the relationship he lost five years ago. Meanwhile, José is at the top of the food chain and seems to have it all together. But maybe their story isn’t over yet. Word Count: ~3.4k (this chapter) / ~19.3k (total) Relationship(s): Branjie (Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo), Jan x Nicky Rating: E

Read on AO3

“Okay, bitch, I wanna hear all the dirty details,” Silky prompted, looking at his friend, ready to listen.

José laughed and shook his head. “Calm yo thirsty ass down, this shit stayed PG-13,” he told him. “But it was good, though. Never thought I could get so hot and bothered by some making out, you know?”

He looked at him, perplexed and amused. “So you got me over here sounding all worked up just to tell me y’all just made out on that playground? Fuck, I was expecting to hear about all the new uses you got outta those kiddie swings.”

“You’re fucking nasty.” He threw his head back and cackled. Though he had to admit, he wouldn’t have been opposed to that, should it have gotten that far. And he had to wonder if Brock would’ve been down for the same, or at least something similar in a safer location.

It was really only hitting him then just how strong his attraction to Brock was. Sure, he knew he was hot, that there had been sparks going off between them. He certainly knew how much he liked kissing him. But now he realized that, on top of whatever his romantic feelings were, he was lusting after him as well. As far as he was concerned, it only stood to further complicate the situation. Unless, of course, they ended up on the same page.

“So, you gonna call him back around to finish what y’all started?”

“Well…” José hesitated, “I don’t wanna give him the wrong idea or nothing. Like, I don’t want him to think I only wanna fuck. ‘Cause it’s deeper than that. But I don’t wanna come on too strong that way either. You know what I mean?”

Silky stared at him blankly. “Absolutely not, and you sound fully insane.”

“What do you suggest then?”

His friend grabbed him with one hand on either side of his head. “Talk to him, dumbass. Tell him you’re down to fuck but don’t want to just fuck, or however you wanna get the job done. Just trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”

José rolled his eyes. “Then why you still single?”

“Hey! I’m not the one who can’t admit he’s been in love with the same guy for eight years. It don’t take a relationship expert to know you got a lot of baggage to unpack there,” he pointed out.

It did give him pause, making him look down and away as he mulled his friend’s thoughts over. “Is it really that big of a deal?”

“No, but you sure as hell making it into one.”

He sighed, shutting his eyes tight, as if that would help him think. Everything he felt was real and sincere, to him it made sense that it was this all-encompassing dilemma. But maybe Silky was right, maybe his dramatic, overthinking tendencies led him to make his feelings even messier than they already were.

“You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah,” José nodded. “Just gotta work through this shit.”

------

During the next cheer practice, Brock had finally plucked up enough courage to go up to José, after spending the majority of the past two days avoiding him. “Hey, um, you have a minute?”

“I got all the minutes for you,” he hummed, and they had just turned to scope out a private spot to talk in before they were interrupted.

It was one of the new freshmen members, one of the only other boys. He had warm brown eyes and a cheerful disposition that seemed to radiate positive energy. Maybe that was why neither José nor Brock were especially bothered by the interruption. They might’ve even been a little relieved.

José offered a kind smile. “What’s up? It’s Charlie, right?”

Charlie nodded. “I’m not bothering you guys, am I? I just have this kind of stupid question that I thought maybe you could help me with.” He waited until they nodded for him to go ahead. “How do you know if a guy is gay?”

Brock and José looked at each other, and it clicked right away that they had the same idea. “Who’s the guy in question?” the blonde asked, leading the two shorter boys to sit on the bleachers that overlooked the rest of the outdoor grounds.

The younger cheerleader looked down at the ground, a smile spread across his face and his cheeks and the tips of his ears tinted pink. “It’s this French exchange student--”

“Gay.”

“José, no, let him finish.”

“That’s the thing!” he continued. “I can’t tell if he’s actually flirting with me or if it’s just that sexy European vibe.”

Both of them nodded as they listened intently. “I take it just asking him is out of the question?” Brock asked, ignoring the irony in the suggestion.

“I mean, yeah, basically.” Charlie nodded. “I can’t just be like ‘oh, by the way, are you as gay as I hope you are?’ That’d be weird.”

“And what do he be doing that you think may or may not be flirting?” José asked.

He smiled, rosiness blooming across his cheeks. “He sits extra close to me at lunch, he’s always complimenting me, and he’s very touchy-feely. Also, I think I caught him checking me out in the locker room once.”

José and Brock looked at each other. “Gay,” they said in unison.

“Not only that, he definitely is trying to let you know he’s interested,” Brock added. “That’s like, flirting 101, right?” He looked towards José, his arm around his waist and aimlessly stroking his side.

He nodded, looking up at him with a grin. “Couldn’t have said it better myself.” He then redirected his gaze to Charlie. “So, whatcha gonna do?”

Charlie shifted awkwardly as he weighed out his options. “I mean, you make a compelling case,” he admitted. He looked out across the field and, as luck would have it, his eyes met the ones of the object of his affection. “I’m gonna go for it,” he decided, pushing himself to his feet. “Thanks! I knew I came to the right couple,” he waved them off before jogging down the field.

The two of them looked from him to each other. “We should go watch,” Brock decided quickly. “You know, make sure it goes well.”

“Agreed,” José got up and motioned for him to follow, so they could try to follow along as inconspicuously as possible.

“Hey, Karl, hi.” Charlie came up beside him walking along the track.

Karl looked at him with a bright smile. “Hey. Did you just exercise? You’re all red.”

Of course, being called out on it prevented the redness in his face from dissipating. “Oh, uh, yeah. Just finished practice.”

“Right, right. You know, you have yet to invite me to watch you do cheerleading,” he mused, bumping their shoulders together lightly.

Charlie tilted his head, perplexed. “It’s not invitational, you can just--” Oh. Now he got it. Maybe he had actually just been too oblivious thus far. “Well, I’d love for you to come to the game on Friday. Then uh… Maybe we could go out afterwards, get something to eat?”

“Like a date, yes?”

He could feel his face burn up again. “Yeah, like a date! I-If you want it to be, I mean.”

Karl chuckled softly. “Of course I do.” He hummed, then kissed his cheek. “Until Friday, mon chou.” Just as he started to leave, he tilted his head and scrunched his nose. “Who are your friends?”

“Oh shit,” José whispered, making a run for it with Brock, leaving Charlie standing confused.

“Um… I wouldn’t worry about them.” He waved it off quickly.

Meanwhile, Brock and José ran all the way to the parking lot, stopping only when they reached José’s car. “Okay, we’re good. Might’ve been a bit excessive, but I can live with that.”

“I hope those two work out,” José mused with a grin. “We’re still gonna spy on them at the game, right?”

“Oh, absolutely. I’m invested in this now.” He cleared his throat and looked down. “What do you think he meant by ‘couple’?”

José tilted his head. “That there was two of us.”

“Right, of course.” He nodded, even though neither of them believed it. In the back of his mind he remembered what he’d initially wanted to talk about before the interruption, but it felt weird to bring up now.

Either for better or worse, José didn’t share the same sentiments. “Anyways, what did you wanna talk to me about before?”

Brock was quiet for a moment as he considered backing out completely. He knew delaying the inevitable could only work for so long, but that didn’t make it any less daunting. “We should talk about what happened at the playground,” he said in one breath.

José pushed himself up to sit on the hood of his car. “I know,” he looked down, swinging his legs. He’d hoped by now that he would know what to say, it wasn’t like he didn’t know this conversation would happen eventually. Maybe he would’ve felt more comfortable if he initiated it, but it didn’t matter now. “Shit, why’s this so fucking hard?”

He sighed and leaned against the trunk, his elbows resting on the hood of it. “It shouldn’t be, right? We were always able to talk to each other about anything, no matter what.”

“We weren’t making out like that when we was ten.”

The first kiss they shared was the height of their intimacy. Other than that, they’d just hold hands, hug, maybe a kiss on the cheek or the occasional peck on the lips. They were kids, nothing beyond that even occurred to them at the time. Even when they’d learned about other forms of physical intimacy, it never crossed their minds to incorporate it between the two of them.

And Brock’s limited experience with sexual encounters was undoubtedly part of what brought these nerves to the forefront of his mind. In the time since their split, the other teen had all of the experiences he’d missed out on. It left him with a sinking feeling of inadequacy whenever he thought about consummating their relationship - whatever that relationship was.

“I know,” he replied with an awkward laugh that sounded more like a cough. “I think… I think we knew what we wanted when we were kids. All we cared about was just being together.”

José looked up at the sky, smiling faintly. “We didn’t realize how good we had it,” he mused, then shivered slightly as the cool autumn breeze hit him.

“Here.” Brock tugged off his hoodie and handed it to him.

He took the bright red sweatshirt and pulled it on. It was easily two sizes too big, but it was soft and warm. Most importantly, perhaps, it smelled like Brock, the same scent that lingered on his pillow and hit him whenever they were close enough together. “Thanks.” He grinned as he pulled the hood up over his head.

There were a few passing moments of silence. The awkwardness of the uncertainty of their relationship was balanced by the comfort they took in each other’s presence.

“If it didn’t rain on the playground, what would you have wanted to happen?” José finally asked.

Brock inhaled sharply, pressing his lips into a fine line. “I don’t know. I mean, I’m pretty sure any serious below the waist stuff would put us on a sex offender list.”

“Okay but like… in a world where there aren’t any con-consa-conc…” He snapped his fingers. “What’s the word?”

“Consequences?”

“Yeah, those. If we knew we weren’t gonna get in no trouble.”

He had used the time José spent searching his words to formulate an answer. “I think it’d just be up to how we felt in the moment.”

And José wasn’t naive, he knew that was a cop-out, but he couldn’t fault him for it. Part of what had made that encounter so thrilling was the complete spontaneity of it. Hell, he was doubting his own ability to outright confess his feelings, and that was saying a lot considering how he prided himself on his blunt honesty. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

Brock’s entire body visibly relaxed, he felt like a cinder block had just been lifted from his chest. “Look, I’m obviously attracted to you…”

“But?”

“But…” He hesitated. He wanted to be honest, but telling himself that being a virgin wasn’t objectively a big deal over and over just didn’t seem to be enough. “But nothing. That’s it.”

José’s brows knitted towards the center of his forehead. Once again, he found himself torn between pushing himself to drag out the real answer or let things be to not make it worse. Brock was the only person he’d ever even had this internal conflict about; it wasn’t in his nature to fret about keeping the peace. “You sure?” he asked quietly, looking down.

No. Not even a little. He laid back against the back window of the car, his hands behind his head. “As sure as I can be.”

“I’ll take it.” He laid back against the car as well, gaze drifting up to the clouds. “Whatcha doing after this?”

“Dance rehearsal. I have a competition just before Thanksgiving break. And I’ve been kind of neglecting it.”

He frowned, rolling onto his side - narrowly avoiding accidentally slipping off of the trunk. “Hey, you better not be sacrificing yourself just to help me. This shit is your future.”

Brock winced. He knew he’d been putting this endeavor in front of his own. But he couldn’t stop himself from dropping everything for José at the drop of a dime. “I’m not, this is just… Not easier, but definitely more fun. You always make things more fun.”

“Can I come with you to your practice then?”

“Yeah, I don’t think my coach will mind.” He hopped down from the car, glancing at the time on his phone. “We may as well head over now. I can give you the directions.”

It was a good thing they left when they did, because while José could take direction to a T when it came to choreography, taking driving directions were nothing short of a nightmare.

Despite the bickering and wrong turns, they made it to the studio in time, with most of their sanity intact. Though they did use the walk from the parking lot to the changing room to cool down.

“Damn, this makes the locker room look like a fuckin’ swamp,” José chuckled, leaning against the row of lockers.

“It’s not?” Brock asked with a laugh as he undid the buttons of his shirt and let it fall off his shoulders. “Let’s just say if I had gym before lunch, I’d never be able to eat,” he added as he took his jeans off as well.

José felt his breath hitch in his throat. He knew Brock was still talking, but he didn’t catch a single word. His attention was fixed on appreciating the view.

Brock had a naturally tall, lean frame, but consistent training and competing kept him in good shape. His torso was toned with a layer of muscles that was just visible enough. His arms and legs were toned and defined.

The smaller teen could see every which way his body flexed with each move as he changed into a t-shirt and leggings. He bit down on his lip and he could feel his heartbeat speed up. It wasn’t like he’d never seen a hot, half-naked guy before, but it was the way he was so casual about it, it made everything feel more intimate.

“You okay?”

“Hm?” He blinked back into reality. “I’m good, yeah. Let’s go.”

They walked into a large, open studio. It was clean, with a wide window that allowed natural light to spread throughout the room, lessening the need for harsh fluorescents.

“Who’s your friend?” a woman asked. She was tall; she had a couple inches on José, but wasn’t quite the same height as Brock. Her body was a clear reflection of her dedication to fitness, a six pack of abs on display between a sports bra and yoga pants.

But her strong, perhaps intimidating stature was balanced by kind eyes and a warm smile, as well as an almost babydoll-esque voice when she spoke. Overall, her presence was calm and friendly.

“Anna, this is my good friend, José,” Brock introduced.

She looked him over, then back at her student with a smirk. “Yeah? How good, huh?”

“None of your business.” He laughed, but his red cheeks answered the question for him. “Anyway, do you mind if he hangs out? Just for some extra moral support.”

“Knock yourselves out.” Anna shrugged as she pulled her long mane of black hair into a ponytail.

And with José cheering him on from the sidelines, Brock did find himself enjoying his practice, feeling more relaxed and comfortable. It was just like when they were kids, when they were each other’s biggest supporters no matter what.

“And I think that wraps it up,” Anna said once they’d finished their cool-down exercises. “How’re you feeling about it? Ready to take the gold?”

“I think so, yeah.” Brock smiled as he caught his breath.

“That’s what I like to hear! See you next time. Nice meeting you, José.”

When the two of them were alone, José ran up to Brock’s side. “You fuckin’ killed that shit, B!”

He smiled and looped his arms around his waist. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

He locked his arms around his neck, leaning close enough for their foreheads to rest together, not caring that the dancer was still hot and sweaty from the intense routine. “I’ll think of some way for you to repay me.”

Brock leaned in and kissed him, slow and soft, lips brushing against his when he spoke. “I’m sure you will,” but as quickly as he’d pulled him in, he let go. “I gotta get changed and shower off,” he said and led him back into the locker room.

When he stepped into the shower, he kept the water lukewarm. It felt soothing against his still heated skin and he let out a soft sigh of relief.

José sat down on the bench, looking towards the shower and wondering if he should just go for it. It was both tempting and time sensitive, and he slowly got up, still going back and forth in his mind.

“Fuck it,” he muttered as he stripped down. He took a deep breath, then stepped into the occupied stall. “Up for some company?”

“From you? Always.” He looked him over, lust flickering in his eyes. All of his worries and fears seemed to fall from the wayside as he was taken over by a wave of desire, cupping his face and pulling him into a heated kiss.

José melted right into the kiss, his arms wrapped around his waist and he stepped closer, until there was no more space between them. He moved his hands up his back, feeling every dip and groove in his toned form. With their bodies so close, he could feel every inch of him and it only riled him up even more.

It was the most intimate Brock had ever been with anyone, and it was enough to get him half hard, and he was too aroused to be embarrassed by how quickly it happened. His hips bucked up, and when he heard a gruff moan in response, he knew the feeling was mutual.

Rocking against each other wasn’t enough after long, and José looked up at Brock, cocking his head as if to say ‘let’s do this’.

‘This,’ however, was a little too ambiguous for Brock, so he decided to take what he believed to be the safest route. He kept one hand on the small of José’s back, the other moved forward and wrapped around the length of his cock.

José mimed his actions, both of them working in tandem, grunting and moaning as they kept a steady pace.

Even though they were alone, they tried to stay quiet, kissing heatedly and messily, only coming up for air when they had to, and reconnecting their lips to quiet themselves when their orgasms hit.

They stood still, holding each other as they caught their breath, then cleaned up and got out, drying off and getting dressed in silence.

The drive back was quiet as well. Neither of them knew what to say until they got to Brock’s house.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Brock leaned in and they shared a quick kiss, and then he scurried off inside.

José sat in his car in front of the house for a moment, letting everything sink in. He felt so good, so free, but it still felt like something was missing.

[waterparchive]

Track By Track: ‘FANDOM’ with Waterparks

Brii Jamieson – October 21, 2019

Because who better to explain 'FANDOM' than the lads in Waterparks?

So now that we've all had a chance to listen to Waterparks' new album 'FANDOM' and properly mull it over and digest it, we thought that this would be an opportune moment to go through the album in more detail. But rather than us explaining the themes and nuances of the songs on the album, we asked Waterparks to talk us through each track on 'FANDOM'. Here we go.

01. ‘Cherry Red’ Awsten Knight: “I had another demo that I was doing of [‘Cherry Red’], and the file got corrupted. And I was like, ‘Fuck’. I couldn’t open it anymore, and dragged in all the pieces of audio, and just made new tracks of audio. I was going to try and rearrange it to the way I had it, but I pressed play and it sounded like ‘Cherry Red’ when it kicks in. I was just in my room like, ‘Oh shit!’ I was like, ‘Well that’s that’.

“That was fucking wild - but that’s the start to the best album in the world. It gives hints to the last song, because that last song goes, ‘So I must be dead’, and this one’s like, ‘You know I’d die for you’ - get it?”

02. ‘Watch What Happens Next’ Awsten: “‘Watch What Happens Next’ is me just being all, ‘Fuck y’all’. Not all of y’all, just like, a lot of y’all. Most of y’all. All of y’all!

“I overthink shit, a lot of shit. I’m in a band. I overthink being in a band a lot. And one of those things that I’ve overthought is how most other genres are able to celebrate their successes, and it’s a very looked-down-on thing in ‘band world’ to talk about most shit besides feelings. It’s really weird, and it doesn’t really make sense. It’s naïve to pretend that that’s the only thing that exists, and also kind of bad because it panders to people that are just stuck in this cycle of being fucking sad all the time. It makes for mopey high school kids - like me!

“It’s about, in the same regard, how bands aren’t allowed to experiment as much with music as other kinds of people. This isn’t me shitting on it - this is me saying we should be allowed to do it. But hip-hop albums that I really love are super fuckin’ artsy, and if a band were to do that it would be like, ‘What the fuck are y’all doing?’ because when a band switches up the tiniest little thing, [fans] are not about it at all. And it’s super dogshit, it’s very weird, and I think it holds the genre back as a whole, so it was a very frustrating thing for me. So I wrote about it, as I tend to do.”

03. 'Dream Boy' Awsten: “‘Dream Boy’ is about fan expectations. It’s about being built into something, based on an idealised version of you - an unwarranted one, at that - where people look at you as a certain thing. They see you online as, ‘Oh, he’s this and this and this’, and they put what they need you to be into their heads. It’s built into this thing that you cannot live up to, and it’s ultimately going to lead to disappointment - on their end, and my end, because it doesn’t feel good to let people down. But that’s just what happens. Pop banger, dude!”

04. 'Easy To Hate' Awsten: “That one was a ‘Friendly Reminder’ song actually, but it was just a really good song and everyone said I should keep it, and I was just like, ‘Yo, you’re right’. It’s about a break up. Yeah.”

05. 'High Definition' Awsten: “You guys are gonna make me cry by the end of this, and I’m gonna be like, ‘I hope you’re happy with this feature and you get your clicks’. Here we go.

“‘High Definition’ was the latest set of lyrics written for the album - it was the last thing. It’s about not being able to get close to people, because of what we do, being gone all the time. Or, you know, starting to have some kind of stature and not trusting the people who hit you up, because people may not have done so much before.

“There’s a song that’s all, ‘Back then hoes didn't want me, now I'm hot hoes all on me’ [Mike Jones’ ‘Back Then’] - but not in like a bragalicious way. It’s an, ‘I’m like really lonely, I hate all of this’, kind of way. It’s like that.”  

06. 'Telephone' Awsten: “‘Telephone’ was written when I was super fucking depressed - surprise - and I was at Target. I saw a cute girl at Target, and instead of being like, ‘Sup’ - I would have never done that anyway - I went home and wrote a super obsessive love song, and it was so tight.”

Geoff Wigington: “He called me and was like, ‘Dude, I’ve just seen the prettiest person at Target, I don’t even know what to do - I can’t find them now. I think I’m just gonna go home and write about it’.”

Awsten: “Did that happen?”

Geoff: “Yeah!”

Awsten: “Alright. Either way, I also don’t remember what they look like anymore. Because I saw the responses when I said that were like, ‘What does she look like, blah blah blah missed connection’, and I honestly don’t remember. It was like, January 2018. Yeah, so that song’s that.

“There’s another reason that it almost wasn’t on the album - the original version was kind of pop-punk sounding, and I was like, ‘Fuck that’. But the other reason is, I was trying to decide if it takes away from the album - but it doesn’t though. Because with some of the other themes of the album, it counts as the sugar-spike in [‘Fandom’]. Because when you’re dealing with some shit, you have hard ups and downs, and it’s kind of like a manic thing. It’s lodged between ‘High Definition’ which is a very lonely, isolating song, then you’ve got the ‘AAAAAAH!’ (we pretend that ‘Group Chat’ isn’t a thing for a second), and we have ‘Turbulent’. So it’s between those guys. That’s how it’s meant to be. It’s like, low - very high - very low.”

07. ‘Group Chat' Awsten: “Let’s talk ‘Group Chat’ dude.” [They literally just performed ‘Group Chat’ here. That’s the whole thing].

08. ‘Turbulent’ Awsten: “I was like, ‘I’m done with break up songs dude, I’m over it’. Then I got re-mad at some new shit. Then I was like, ‘You know what though, if we’re gonna do this, it’s gotta be crazy different from everything else, sonically and lyrically’, so instead of approaching it like, ‘Eh’, it was like, ‘Fuck you nerd, I’m way tighter than all of this shit’. Oh my god, and then sonically it was just so dark and shiny and fast, and I was like, ‘This is the best’. [‘Turbulent’] was the turning point for ‘Fandom’ - that was the first thing made after being like, ‘You know what, that one is not going to work, we’re gonna start over’. That was the first thing, and then I was like, ‘Oh, this is what we’re supposed to be doing, alright’.”

09. 'Never Bloom Again' Awsten: “That song has been in the process of being written since 2015. I’ve got real old versions of that. But the thing is, it just kept evolving - I kept doing new verses, and changing things in the hook and stuff like that. And there was a version of it that was ready around the time of ‘Entertainment’ - it wasn’t quite the same, but the reason it wasn’t on there was because I was like, ‘If it’s only 10 songs, there shouldn’t be two acoustic. That might be overkill’.”

10. 'I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don't Wanna Die Anymore' Awsten: “‘I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don’t Wanna Die Anymore’ is about missing having sex… but not wanting to die anymore. In the verses, I was just trying to talk directly to the fans - the first one that’s like, ‘Stop asking me that, don’t ask me that, I don’t wanna do that, I don’t wanna do that either’. It’s always somebody’s birthday. Always. But that song leaves nothing to be imagined… If somebody is like, ‘What’s that line mean?’, I’d be like, ‘Can you read?’. When I say all the lyrics in this album are a lot more blunt, this one is the perfect example of that.”

11. 'War Crimes' Awsten: “Oh. Bud-dy. Oh my lord. What a crazy song. Initially there was another version - or when I first started doing it, it was like a girly base and I was like, ‘Shut up Awsten! We’ve got way tighter shit to say’. It’s me venting about the past year and a half, but it’s like an overview of that time, and is just me bitching about all of it, because bitching is great.

“I mean, we’ve toured a lot, so we’ve experienced a lot with other bands. We’ve experienced a lot just with other people in general and how they are, and how they treat you when things suck - or when things are tight. Or how they treat me because I’m the singer, and he’s just the drummer!”

12. ‘[REBOOT]’ Awsten: “Oh man, that’s like the pettiest breakup song, but it’s so great. I sing so quick in that song, it’s really fun. I wanted that one to come out before [the album] because I worry when songs are towards the back of the album that they’re just not gonna be heard as much, and it’s just a little more sonically… I don’t wanna say low-key - but other songs slam, or I’m like screaming and shit. I wanted to make sure it got its highlight.

“And plus, shout out to those Marilyn Manson-sounding vocals in the chorus - because I didn’t want it to stay the same dynamically, but when we tried to make it go up it just sounded dumb. I was like, ‘Do you know what we have to do? We have to go gloomier. Just sink that bottom half with some real dark shit, some real minor stuff in there’. We made it sound just like Marilyn Manson and it was crazy, and I was like ‘there it is! Bop!’.”

13. ‘Worst’ Awsten: “‘Worst’ was written in March 2019. That’s a lie.

“‘Worst’ started the way most demos do - on the laptop. But then I got upset! And I went and walked to Starbucks and put it on YouTube one morning after seeing some stuff online, and left it unlisted for a minute because I knew our old label would be like ‘waaa’ about it. So I left it up for a minute on unlisted so if people had the link they could find it, but then I deleted the tweet. So I just let it circulate, and dude that shit had like 30,000 views, which back then was like, a lot - because that was back before ‘Entertainment’. Then they made me put it on private, because they found that and Felony Steve: rest in peace Felony Steve (he’ll be back). But then people kept re-uploading it, and one of them has like 400,000 something views right now, which is crazy. So I was just like, ‘I think I can do that song way fucking better’, and sonically it’s completely different now. Yeah, that song is fuckin’ tight. It’s one of the more genre-unique songs on the album.”

14. ‘Zone Out’ Awsten: “‘Zone Out’ came before ‘Dream Boy’ - it was stuck in my head for a long time, and finally I just recorded that chip-tune version of it, for me. But it was kind of ad-libby and shit. So once I got more of the lyrics together I did that. I was just listening to it on repeat because I was like, ‘This is so beautiful’, but then I was like, ‘You know what, this song should be like a full-on pop banger’, and then ‘Dream Boy’ happened. But it’s meant to be like a reflection at the end of the album, kind of like, after all this shit. And it’s kind of more shaky sounding, low… a little more sarcastic at that point.”

15. ‘I Felt Younger When We Met' Awsten: “What a fuckin’ hit. Yeah, that song, there was a version of it for ‘Friendly Reminder’, but it was just super light and it just didn’t do its job. I was like, ‘It’s just not impacting the way it needs to, so it needs to be rewritten’, and now it’s the fucking most insane intro on the entire album - oh my god. When we first got that at the studio, I was in the car with it and I was just like, ‘Woah’, turned it up way to loud, and just started it over when it got to the verse. So crazy.

“That song lyrically links back in to ‘Cherry Red’ - because it’s all meant to be very cohesive, even with the album art and stuff like that. Like the clock hands on the orange - that’s supposed to be the visual, and the ticking at the end represents that it’s about to start over again. Because it’s cyclical! Because guess what, dude? One of the fucking themes, part of the concepts of ‘Fandom’ is grief, and grief is a fucking loopy thing, it’s not a straight path - sometimes you gotta start over again. And you know what? The album did that: sonically, visually, conceptually. It’s a concept album, give us a five.”

https://www.rocksound.tv/features/read/track-by-track-fandom-with-waterparks

[phoenix]

So I’ve been trying to write this for awhile now.  Somewhere between years in general, and the last few months specifically.  I’ve hinted at this, joked about this, for almost my entire life online.  But over the years, I’ve come closer and closer to finally admitting it out loud.  I dropped a pretty obvious clue a few months ago.  And just to spare everyone a lengthy post, I’m gonna get to the TLDR right here, and then ramble for a bit more behind a cut.  So y’all can skip out whenever.

I am transgender.

...And I feel like such a fraud every time I say it.  But I’ll get around to that.

For people who have known me since before Tumblr, I figure there are a range of three reactions to this statement;

Uh, yeah dude, we figured that out ages ago.  Worst kept secret ever.

Oh...oh!  OH!  That explains a LOT.  Like, everything.

And at least one person is out there going “I KNEW IT!”

First off, as I ramble, I am probably gonna phrase something poorly, since a lot of my thoughts on this, terminology for it, come from decades ago, and are still ingrained in my head.  I do my best to not use outdated terms, but I am imperfect, so please do not take offense if I stumble.

So, why do I feel like a fraud when I say I’m transgender?  I was assigned the gender of male at birth, but I’ve always felt like there was something wrong with me, and at a very early age, I identified more with feminine things.  I’ve always thought “I should have been born a woman” but for the longest time, I never thought there was anything I could do about it.  And to do anything about it was wrong, in some way.  Just accept things the way they are.  I thought that even if I did do what was available at the time, the results would not satisfy me.  And I acknowledge even that is a minefield to get through.  And I have come to realise that it’s not so much about the results, but getting to be yourself.

It felt like something out of my control, so I resigned myself to the gender I was assigned, to the face I saw in the mirror, and over time, I did actually come to accept it.  I have never had major feelings of dysphoria.  Over time, I came to accept I was Jason, and that’s who I’m gonna be.  I even at this point in life, largely LIKE myself.  Oh sweet twist of irony.

This was helped very much by the internet, where I could be me a bit more and compartmentalise things.  And even though my gender identity became a bit of a running gag, and even though many folks eventually figured out or was told I was Jason/a man - I never made it a secret or intentionally lead anyone on, the internet still gave me an outlet to explore fiction, find a few like minded people, and have an outlet to be a bit more myself, because my face and gender didn’t matter.  It was about my words and the personality that people online cared about.

So I say I’m transgender, I identify in many ways with being a woman, and yet at the same time, I’ve accepted myself?  And really, that is out of a lot of inertia and comfortablity than anything else.  Still, I feel like there are people ‘more’ trans than me, and I should step back and keep my mouth shut, but at the same time, that’s not living my truth.  A truth I am still trying to figure out.  Hi, I am confused and trying to figure shit out I thought I had sorted. ;)

Recently though, in spite of how comfortable I may have become, and how much I had let go of things I thought I had no control over, I have been revisiting these feelings that always remained present in the back of my mind.  More and more prominent transgender people have been getting the spotlight, and making me revisit these things, and think well, maybe, it’s not as cut and dried and as much of a closed issue as I made it become in my early teens.  I have felt more seen, identified more with characters more, than I ever ever have.  Representation actually matters.  Who knew?

So...what now?  I’ve been using male pronouns for DECADES and typing ‘she’ feels *weird* more than it feels natural.  I don’t know if that will ever change.  Same with my name.  I hated my name as a kid, for a number of reasons.  Only some of which were because it’s a boys name.  But over time, it became MINE.  I have thought a LOT about what I would want my name to be, and I have never come up with any name that sounds right.  That might be a discussion for another day.  And the few names that have caught my attention, always felt like “Oh, it’s just me being obsessed with whatever has caught my eye lately” and again, feels false.  But I know that’s just me overthinking things and being confused about who I am.  Also, I’ve been just as comfortable being known as “Foe”.

Feel free to call me whatever, be it Jason or Foe or he or she.  I know what my preferred pronouns are, but as they still sound so strange to me, I’m not gonna harp on anyone that deadnames me, or misgenders me.  I’mma be doing it plenty, especially since I’m still going to be Jason out of virtual space.

I also have so much masculine bullshit crammed in my head, I don’t know how to even begin clearing that out.  Or if I have to (I know I don’t, but at the same time, I feel like I’d be a TERRIBLE woman and should just stick with what I know.)

Will I ever transition?  I don’t know.  I don’t even know if I want to.  Part of me does.  Very very much so.  And something I thought I would never do has become something I have at least begun considering.  But there’s something to be said for keeping things the way they are, where things are comfortable.  But it’s also not me and...

Aaargh.  I feel so good getting this out there, but at the same time, this entire post is a disaster of flailing and rambling.  I’ve said a lot, and it’s bounced all over the place, and I still have so much more I want to say.  But yeah, there you go you get the idea..  I’m a transgender woman.  Where do I go from here?  *shrug emoji!*

[saltine-kakyoin]

🎶 and jotaro and also kakyoin AND another character..whoever u want ;)

oho… you’ve sent me another message? you know what comes next bro, u brought this upon yourself….this is us now man

anyhow, AH. thos boys…god this one is gonna be so difficult because I have So Many Songs that are tied to them. as for the other character, i think i will do my boy sergio because i really need to share my brainstorming songs for him before i explode! :0 thank you again for sending these in, bro!! have a good night, ily! c:

this will be long bc i always ramble..i will be tagging this as long post for mobile gang!

Jotaro:

thom- i hate to start this off with a jotakak-themed song because i know some people Despise jk. i’m sorry for y’all who do, but ahh this song has been stuck in my head for days now! :’( In terms of the SDA, i always think of this song as like…jotaro’s bittersweet journey w his feelings for kak. it’s something about the like, ghostly windchimes in the beginning, the phone buzzing in the bg, and the “please don’t run away”s man, ahhh. I listen to this song a lot when brainstorming him coming to accept that friendship is as far as he and kak go. However,“ The pitter patter gave a rather rinse and lather feeling/ As opposed to shitty attitudes that made me bitter after laughter/ And I dearly regretted it” really makes me think of pt. 4 jotaro in any context. We only see the end result of his development from SDC, but like hhh… do you think he regrets being so gruff? I think of that 1 fanart where he’s looking at the group picture + hoping they knew he wasn’t annoyed by them (or something along those lines, i forget the exact line…ahh)

something’s missing- So, ofc not all parts of this song apply.. and truthfully, I listen to this song while thinking of the immediate period after the crusade in the SDA and how the crusaders are all left with this hole in them (..@kakyoin literally.. i’m sorry i had to. also, abdul is the hole). Out of all of them, though, I always think of Jotaro the most w this song- “My dad asks, ‘Were you okay out where you were stranded?’ How do I tell him that I wasn’t just okay… I was so much better?” LIKE DAMN THAT IS ONE (1) KUJO JOTARO… :( i think he comes back from the crusade and just feels.. severely misplaced. Going back to Japan and the girls following him to school every morning feels so alien to him.

tempest rhapsody- this song is just… *chef kiss* It makes me think of like. star platinum’s first manifestation, and of the emotions one would feel during a 50-day crusade to a place you’ve never been before, where you run the risk of death at least once a week…how would it feel to know if you got seriously injured in a fight, there would be a very real possibility that your *cough* dearly beloved *cough* mother could die? this song is my answer to that question

only in sleep- another choir song! i cannot help myself. This one is more for canon Jotaro. I’ve read a few fics about the universe reset where he’s reunited with the other crusaders one last time before everything becomes nil, and…..augh. “The years had not sharpened their smooth round faces, I met their eyes and found them mild — Do they, too, dream of me, I wonder, And for them am I too a child?“ is imo such a jotaro 4 am deliberation

softly- THIS. this was the Original jotakak song, no offense thom. i used to listen to this song on REPEAT while reading nessun dorma, ahhh. so much of the sda jotakak dynamic is shaped from that fic and this song, hghshg. Anyhow, now that I’ve worked on the development of their relationship in the sda, this song is most definitely a song for the jotaro who unknowingly pines in 3rd year and then comes to realize that ah…these are Emotions during uni. during their third year, jotaro and kakyoin do a ton of self-exploration, and spend more than one night floating in the pitch black void of the ocean talking about what they’re going to do after graduation with only the stars to accompany them. they lose this when jotaro goes to florida for uni + kakyoin paris, but they make up for it by calling each other all the time, so “Touch you softly I call you up late at night” made this song an instant hit in my book ghshghw. I adore this song, through and through. ;u;

post-published honorable mention bc i rediscovered him while i was workin on polnareff’s playlist!! DOLLY ZOOM is another really good song for pining jotaro. in the sda, he feels really Horrible about having a crush on kakyoin for a long time because he and his family (that is phrased weird, i am sorry) are the entire reason kakyoin got a hole punched right through his abdomen and spine. they’re the entire reason kakyoin spent months learning how to walk and use his legs again. he doesn’t do anything except bury his feelings because, to him, it’d be Really selfish to do otherwise. i listened to dolly zoom nonstop when i started writing Jotaro’s Decade-Long Yearn because it captures the guilt really well, ahh.

Kakyoin (it is 1:24 am as i’m starting this… let’s see how long i agonize over this part lmao)

ultraviolence- ahh, ze Mindworm Song. I really despise diokak and the fact that he had to spend like…3-4 months with the mindworm just chilling in his brain, but I can’t ignore the fact that he latched onto dio’s friendship and was initially elated to have that whole thing happen. It haunts Kakyoin in canon, and it Most Definitely haunts him in the SDA, and i think he and jotaro have a lot of conversations about how and why and what that whole experience was like. I always end up coming back to this song when brainstorming this year in the au. The beginning just sounds so lonely, and the background choir/ voices really give me the heebie jeebies. Then, there’s the build-up to the beat drop, which really make me think of like. what being mindwormed could feel like? And how it must feel to be so lost in that sauce that you become a passenger in your own mind, lost to the whim of one super manipulative vampire, augh. “You give me love, you know you give me love with your ultraviolet rays” ties into a few of FKA Twigs’ other songs where she sings about not being enough and really obsessively deriving love from someone whose attention is ultimately really harmful and unhealthy, and I think about that and Kakyoin a lot. :(

sound and color- so truthfully, this is my go-to song for any character that dies/almost dies and comes back, or goes through a Huge Life Change. kakyoin fits both of these bills to a T! this song makes me think of getting used to being around such a rowdy but tight-knit group of people who genuinely care about you All Day Long after spending your entire life in isolation. I always think of like, a happiness montage when the second half of this song comes around, and the montage i daydream about for kak during that section is *chef kiss* Sound + Color is like one of the best songs ever, and it’d be a crime to not have a kak setting for it. 

first love/late spring- fellas, here’s the kakyoin equivalent to jotaro’s softly. this song was IT, back when the sergio-divergent au and the “All the Crusaders Live” au were two separate things. back then, kakyoin and jotaro’s realization that oh, fuck, they really meant the entire world to each other happened much earlier in the plot. Looking back on that now makes me squint, but I do think that this song is still really fitting for kakyoin exploring those feelings- friendship is one thing, but romance is something entirely different and a lot more intimate. i think it’s a tug-of-war for him, between wanting to jump in to those feelings and wanting to run far far away from them because he doesn’t want to be wrong and ruin their friendship. good times in the kak hole

last words of a shooting star- I really love the bastard fucker side of kakyoin that is explored and celebrated in our fanon, but I can never shake the fact that some of his last thoughts were of his parents (and i think he was sorry for making them worry? which… baby…) and that his polite, “outwardly anxious” presentation was this big facade for like.. the Deep and Soul-Wrenching loneliness he felt because he was a stand user? The first stanza and “They’ll never know how I’d stared at the dark in that room/ With no thoughts” make me think of kakyoin deeply- if his family had never gone to egypt and he’d never met dio or jotaro, what would have happened to him? Who would he be? i’ve always been super attached to that part of kak bc fundamentally… I Relate. but also i am just fond of it because it makes me sob- he deserved so much better than to get murdered by the same man who manipulated his entire identity right at the climax of his character arc….some crimes can never be forgiven, hirohiko….

vertigo- i don’t listen to this song for kak often, but it is a Quintessential Kakyoin song. according to khalid’s twitter, vertigo is a song about “Overcoming overthinking. After every dark days, there’s a brighter outcome. Being at a super low place in your life and realizing that, there’s other people going through that same path you’re walking down. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel. It’s also a story about fear of abandonment.” which….Big Kakyoin Energies. The “Are we alive?Or are we dreaming?” part also ties back into the Kakyoin Parties in a Coma for a Month arc- your mind has a wild wild time when you’re in a medically induced coma, theoretically because it’s trying to fill in the blanks for all of the stuff you’re sensing? And coming out of a medically induced coma is a bizarre experience, where it’s hard to tell if you’re still in the coma and just imagining things or if you’re actually awake. Kakyoin has a mad time in the month immediately after SDC, one that i’m sure he doesn’t enjoy too much after the death 13 fight.

honorable mention goes to i am not yours- this has been a kak song to me for a long time as well. the context of the song is way different from my interpretation for this setting, but AH. I just think kakyoin really struggles to differentiate and understand romantic feelings. This song really reminds me of that struggle, and I think also touches nicely on like. the identity issue of it all too.. “yet i am i, who long to be” yanno? ; J ; it’s hard for me to explain

another honorable mention, my statue sinking. in the sda, after the events in egpyt, kakyoin is thrown into a coma for like an entire month while his body gets operated back together, and then he spends months in physical therapy learning how to walk w a prosthetic spine (kudos to cyborg speedwagon being a reverse engineering madman :D). i like to imagine that there’s also some degree of therapy going on this whole time, also. you don’t just get donuted + thrown into a coma for a month without some counseling to get you back on your feet..i think the lasting effects of dio’s influence are addressed here, but only briefly because it’s not something kakyoin is eager to explore. however, I think that this song captures the like... distress? i guess? of knowing that your life has been irreparably thrown off course because of dio. like yes, you met some really wonderful people that helped you learn how deeply healing friendship could be! but also.. you lost months of your life to mind control, and then another month to a coma, and then additional months to training your body to function again....there’s some psychological stress there. While I think that Jotaro and Polnareff are affected the most by the crusade, I think they all emerge from it with some degree of ptsd. Being targeted by complete strangers at all times of day cannot be good for your mental health, you know? Anyhow, I think My Statue Sinking captures that aftermath feeling really well. Everyone survives and recovers from the crusade, but there’s a part in all of them that is lost to Egypt. 

on to sergio!! (it is now 2:04 am lmaooooooo) sergio will be easy because I only ever listen to the same handful of songs when I’m writing him hdhgh

i will come to you- this is THE sergio song. i think of this song every time i write about him, whether it’s the “believe in me…” “also believe in me” lyric exchange that i imagine he has with both tomoko and holly; the “and i will pray to my father…my father…and he will abide” part being about him reaching out to joseph with his final breaths and spilling all of the beans about dio and begging him to finish things so that Tomoko and Josuke, the Kujos, and he and Suzi can be safe; the “foreeever……foreee-eever.. forever..” part being where he dies and his soul passes into the next realm.. “even the spirit of truth [golden prophet] whom the world [..yeah..] cannot receive, because it seeth him not [bc suad defects and buries sergio instead of bringing his dead body to dio]. Neither knoweth him, but you know him…for he dwelleth in you and he shall be in you [literally the entire joestar/kujo/higashikata family being so near and dear to him + his spirit being with them even after death]” and then, like.. george i, jonathan, and george ii coming to retrieve his soul during the “heeeee shallll beee in youuu” part… “i will not leave you comfortless. i Will Not leave.. You Comfortless… iiii wiiiill come…. to you.. to You” part being about his soul mingling within star platinum and crazy diamond because he has a Need, even in death, to protect them. UGH (also his essence being especially prevalent in crazy diamond, which is partially why its power is to repair things!! bc hamon! ; O ;) literally I have an Entire music video with sergio’s death set to this music. i’ve listened to it way too many times.

when david heard- so to be frank this is actually more of a joseph song, but it’s only a joseph song when sergio exists + gets murdered. :o i cried the first time i listened to this, and then months later i listened to it while thinking of sergio + like. sobbed fr fr. Joseph is asleep when Sergio calls him, so he gets sergio’s final message as a voicemail on his answering machine hours after the fact. the message itself is chilling because Joseph had no clue his son had gone on this huge mission by himself to kill Dio, and now he’s dead! however, it’s made even worse because Joseph wasn’t there to pick the call up and comfort his son in his dying breaths or do Anything. it’s just like Caesar, which is. god awful. it’s such a horrible realization because sergio, whom joseph named after what caesar wanted to name his own son, has been condemned to the same fate as his namesake. Thus this song- i’ve yet to come across a song that captures the feeling of hearing that kind of news so well. (also when i tag things as my sOOOOON or *cries my son in 8-part harmony a la whitacre*, this is the song i’m referencing :D)

zombies / terrified- ahhh, these songs capture the HORROR sergio feels upon sensing dio’s presence in Japan really well. (also “I’m going to eat you alive/please don’t find me rude, but i don’t eat fast food/ so don’t run too fast” is SUCH a dio mood…) Sergio maintains his composure about the Dio Dilemma for a good year before he flies off the handle, and his entire proto-crusade against the vampire is just. Laced with paranoia, even if he is learning a ton of useful skills. These two songs capture that feeling of something constantly watching/creeping up on you so well, and ever since i discovered them, I’ve listened to them for Sergio inspo.

the prophet- This is the only song I’ve done so far that the characters would actually listen to lmao. Sergio is a Huge fan of The Temptations, and his stand is actually named after this song! (+ the esoteric title for the hermit, which was really amazing luck on my end ; J ;) it also had a huge hand in figuring out what his stand power would be, the lyric that decided it was “God doesn’t listen to the words you pray; he hears what your heart has got to say.” However, the entire last stanza of the song ties really well into his character arc fhshgh. Also, this song just feels like it could Be the child of Bloody Stream, if that makes any sense. it’s so groovy and funky, but the lyrics are like big ominous lmao. I was super ecstatic to find this song- if sergio were to ever get an animation, this song would be the OP, yanno?

armageddon- This is another “this song would be on their personal playlist” song. Sergio’s got a lot of love for all styles of music in his heart, but jazz is his home base and always what he comes back to. I like to imagine that Lisa Lisa’s husband introduces Sergio to Wayne Shorter’s music at the age of like 8 or 9, and Sergio’s just. obsessed with the man’s music for the rest of his life. I really love Shorter’s explanation for the meaning of this song and its album as a whole: “What I’m trying to express here is a sense of judgment approaching - judgment for everything alive from the smallest ant to man. I know that the accepted meaning of ‘Armageddon’ is the last battle between good and evil - whatever it is. But my definition of the judgment to come is a period of total enlightenment in which we will discover what we are and why we’re here.” Like… wig.. I feel like that’s such big sergio energy. Armageddon itself also feels like a really nice ED- it’s lively, but in a good episode-ending kind of way. Do i dream of animating Sergio’s adventure one day? Mayhaps.

honorable mention goes to just my imagination/ my girl- We’ve covered that Sergio adores The Temptations, so it’s no secret that he would listen to these songs ceaselessly. however, i really like the broadway harmonies + instrumentals that they did for Ain’t Too Proud, so that’s what’s goin in here. these songs are THE tomoko/sergio songs…He loves Tomoko and the way she quips + teases + gets up to nonsense with him So Much. There’s a huge part of him that has No Idea what Tomoko sees in a music geek like him, but ughh he is so grateful that she likes him because she is a Goddess. he’s blessed yo..

[seouledbysisi]

New World

Chapter 10

Gianna was solidly asleep when she was awoken by Mia bouncing on her bed.

“Wake your ass up!” Mia yelled as she fell over on her.

Gianna groaned loudly. “Just five more minutes, Mom!”

Mia slapped her shoulder. “Girl I am not your mama!”

Gianna’s eyes popped open. She thought she had still been dreaming. “Why are you in here so early being so loud?”

“Because you need to contact SM like right now!” Mid exclaimed.

“Huh? You couldn’t tell me this in like four more hours?” Mia yawned.

Mia jerked her up. “No, you need to answer that email right now!” She urged.

“Why? Why can’t you just let me sleep?” Gianna complained as she laid on Mia’s lap.

Mia took a deep breath. “Because I head to Korea in about two days to sign a contract with SM as a stylist!”

Gianna’s eyes flew open. “What? How? Oh my gosh!”

“Johnny pulled some strings for me.” Mia smiled.

“Wow. He really must like you.” Gianna sighed.

“He didn’t want you to be alone.” Mia whispered.

Gianna looked up at her. “You told him about that job offer?”

“More like I told him about you being mad at me. I needed someone to vent to.”

“It’s just funny because Taeyong hasn’t breathed of word of it. Like not even a hint at it.” Gianna spoke in confusion.

“Maybe Johnny didn’t tell him?”

“Or maybe he just doesn’t care.” Gianna sighed and pulled her phone out. She pulled out the email from SM and wrote her acceptance of the job. “Happy?” She gave her a fake smile.

Mia rolled her eyes. “Don’t jump to conclusions. Johnny probably just hasn’t gotten around to telling him.”

“Come on now, Mia! You don’t even believe that! It doesn’t even matter anyway. At least it’ll make things easier with being professional around each other. “ Gianna shrugged and got out of bed.

Mia took a deep breath. “What are you going to do about this apartment?”

“Keep it? The rent is paid up all year. I’m sure my mom will just continue to pay it.” Gianna brushed her teeth and pulled her hair back into a pony tail.

“Why do you have an attitude? I mean I’m sorry that you feel like Taeyong doesn’t care. Maybe he does, or maybe he doesn’t but he’s not the only guy on earth. And quite frankly you shouldn’t even be this upset. You have a chance of a life time working for one of the most popular entertainment companies in Korea. That should have you high off of life!” Mia rolled her eyes and stormed out of the room.

Gianna grabbed her phone and called her mom. She answered almost immediately which was strange. She normally was ‘too busy’. “Mom, I got a job offer.”

It was loud in her mom’s background. “Really sweetie? Where?” She sounded excited nonetheless.

“This might be hard to accept but I’m moving to South Korea in a few days.” She revealed.

“Whoa! You’re trying to get like me. Traveling overseas for work! That’s my girl! I’ll continue to pay the rent if Mia wants to stay in it without you. It’s totally fine!” Her mom stated.

Gianna giggled a bit. “She’s actually coming with me. She has a friend that got her a job out there too.”

“Wow! Is it a guy?!”

“Yeah it is. But-“

Her mom squealed a bit. “Maybe you’ll get yourself a guy when you get there! Wouldn’t that be nice?”

Gianna squeezed her eyes shut. “Yeah. So nice.” She spoke dryly.

“Are you okay, honey?” Her mom asked. She could tell in her voice that she didn’t seem happy.

“Yeah mom. But can you keep the apartment just in case things don’t go as planned?” Gianna took a deep breath as she stared out of her window at the lake that sat behind their apartment complex.

Her mom agreed and they ended the call.

She began packing her clothes up. She wasn’t sure exactly when she would have to head to South Korea but may as well be prepared. Her phone pinged with a notification. She had hoped it was Taeyong. Sadly it was a email. She opened her yahoo account. It was a email from SM.

Greetings Gianna,

We are happy to have you onboard. We hope that you are ready to get this show on the road. We have already drawn up contracts and have attached a copy to this email. Tomorrow you will receive information for your flight to South Korea. We hope that you have prepared yourself to leave as soon as this coming up Saturday. If not we can rearrange times and dates at the best of our abilities. We have prepared living arrangements as well. When you arrive you will be greeted at the airport and immediately shown to your new apartment, which is not far from the SM headquarters, and given a quick tour around the city. Thank you for your acceptance and welcome to the SM Entertainment family!

Johnny

The guys were at a radio station in Melbourne, Australia talking about their concert which would be held that night.

“So you’ve been here a few times before. Has anything changed since the last time?” The radio host asked.

Johnny immediately got ready to speak. “Not really. Our fans are always radiating so much energy wherever we go so we’re always expecting that type of love.”

“So this might sound weird but are you all single?” The female host asked.

All the guys looked from one another when Johnny translated the question into korean. They all nodded.

“We travel so much and see so many beautiful people. It’s hard to just settle on one person to give all of your attention to.” Johnny quickly answered.

“But I’d say we’re never going to be single. NCTzens give us everything we need whether it’s a friend, girlfriend, wife, family. They all fall into those categories for us at whatever moment that we need it.” Haechan added.

Taeyong simply nodded. He hadn’t said a word the entire interview and it wasn’t that he couldn’t. His English had actually gotten pretty good, he just wasn’t in much of a talkative mood.

They wrapped the interview up and headed to the hotel to get some rest before the concert. Johnny hurried to the elevator to catch up with Taeyong. The others decided to explore the hotel some more.

“Dude, why’re you so quiet today?” Johnny asked as he draped his arm over Tae’s shoulder.

Tae shrugged.

“So you’re not gonna talk to me?”

He shrugged again and watched the numbers as the elevator ascended.

“Really TY? What’s up with you?”

“Nothing.” He apple and got off the elevator on his floor.

Johnny started to hop off with him.

“Don’t follow me. Please. I just want to rest up for tonight.” Taeyong shot him a small smile and walked down the long hallway to his room.

Johnny hopped back on the elevator and pulled his phone out. He called Mia.

“Hello?” She breathing a bit heavy.

Johnny raised an eyebrow. “Why are you breathing like that?”

“Because I’m struggling over here with packing!” She yelled a bit.

“Well excuse me! Why is everyone being rude today?!”

Mia sighed. “I’m sorry I’m just frustrated.”

“That’s seems to be the explanation for everyone today. So when do you leave out?”

“Saturday. When will you be back in Korea?” Mia asked as she plopped down on her bed.

Johnny checked the calendar on his phone. “We have a break in between for like three weeks so next Sunday I’m sure we will be back.”

“Sounds cool. Y’all need a break.”

“It’s not a real break because we have a fan meet too during that break but for the most part we’ll be free to do what we want.” Johnny explained.

Mia had a burning question on her tongue but she was almost scared to ask. “I have a question but-“ she hesitated.

“What is it?” He opened his room door and laid on the bed.

“Like would you want to hang out one day during your break? I mean if you don’t want to that’s fine. I don’t even know why I asked- I’m just-“ she began to ramble.

Johnny chuckled. “Why wouldn’t I want to hang out with you?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just don’t want you to feel obligated to be with me or show me more attention than you have. I feel like we’ve connected but that could just be me overthinking things because I do-“

“Whoa! You’re selling yourself way too short! We definitely are connecting.” He admitted. “I plan on seeing a lot of you, okay?”

Mia breathed a breath of relief. “Really?”

“Yeah. I mean we’ll have to be very particular about the places we go but I do want to get to know you more. I think you’re cool and anyone who keeps a smile on my face deserves some of my time.”

“Wow. And here I was thinking that I’ve been dreaming all of this time.” Mia told him with a giggle.

Johnny laughed. “Nah you’re awake. Taeyong is being weird. He’s shutting everyone out. Including me.”

“Why? Over what Gianna said?”

“I guess. He doesn’t really get involved with females so I think because he likes her this is hard for him. I think he feels like he can’t have her and it sucks knowing that someone else can.”

Mia cleared her throat. “Hypotheyically speaking if she did like him, why wouldn’t he be able to have her?”

“He doesn’t date. Period. He’s never done that. He doesn’t know how. All he does is work and make sure we’re all in line. He puts everyone else before himself. He always will.”

“Well eventually he’s going to long for someone to cater to his feelings and needs.”

Johnny stared at the ceiling. “I know that, the problem is getting him to understand that.”

[jacksonroseroth]

Lights, Camera, Action Chapter 3

Warnings: None

Words: 3,396

A/N: If anyone gets a tag notification, my bad! XD Trying to add someone to the list and accidentally deleted the entire fucking chapter! but please still enjoy. :)

Moodboard made by me, none of the pictures are mine

~

Alex’s POV:

She always seemed so flustered, I felt bad. I think she got into her own way too much and over analyzed things was what made it worse. She did well in the staging and didn't seem like she was nervous at all, but when I ran into her after mine and Marco’s scene, she seemed a little shaken.

“Hey! Rose.” Marco called. Rose jumped and turned, giving us a smile when she realized it was us. We went over to her. “You did good in your scene today.”

“Oh, thanks.” She said, that cute pink color returning to her cheeks. I chuckled as I realized we were probably going to see a lot more of that for a while. “I was really nervous and we weren’t even actually filming…”

“Well, just do what you did today. Don’t even think about the cameras.” I said, Marco and me falling into step with her as we walked, each of us on either side of her. Rose sighed and nodded.

“I know. I just...Overthink a lot and think I’ll mess up and it gets me all worked up. I’m a very sensitive being, alright?” She said, with fake tears in her voice as she held out a hand to me. Me and Marco laughed as Rose let out her own giggle. She gave a small sigh and said, “I’m just really weird. You’ll understand when I’m more comfortable and can be openly weird around you guys.”

I shrugged and punched Marco’s shoulder as I said, “So are we. I mean if you’re a fan, then you’ve seen the videos right?”

Rose giggled and nodded. “Yeah, but I’m a whole different kind of weird. I don't think y’all are ready.” She said. We chuckled as we reached wardrobe. “I have to get fitted. Um, I’ll see you guys back at the hotel?”

Marco nodded before he added, “Maybe we’ll ride back with you. Our scenes are almost done.”

I swear I saw a flash of fear in her eyes, but she quickly covered it with a smile and a chuckle. “Yeah. Well, let me know.” She giggled. Marco chuckled and we parted ways as we made our way to another part of the set.

“She’s cute.” Marco said. I looked at him and chuckled.

“Yeah. She is. I don’t understand why she’s so shy though.” I said. Marco shrugged.

“New people, first time acting. We were the same on our first sets. I mean not like that, but we were still nervous.” Marco said. I nodded and gave a shrug.

“Well, hopefully she’ll get more comfortable as we go.” I said. Marco nodded as we came up on set.

“Hey, mate! There you are!” Jordan called, walking over to us. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

~

Unfortunately, Rose went back pretty quickly, her fitting going fast so we missed riding back with her. But once we got back to the hotel, we ran into her as she made her way to the pool.

“Oh, hey, guys.” She said with a bright smile.

“Hey. Heading to the pool?” I teased, seeing her with her towel and flip flops. She giggled and nodded.

“Yeah. I just want to soak in the hot tub for a while.” She said with a shrug.

“Shit, can we join? We had to do a little stunt work and I’m feeling sore.” Marco said, glancing at me. I shook my head at him, whether he liked Rose or he was trying to push us together, I wasn’t sure, but either way he wasn’t being subtle and Rose saw it too. She pursed her lips as she tried to hold in her laugh and nodded.

“Sure. I’ll be out there. Come find me.” She said, glancing from Marco to me as she walked past us and out to the pool. I turned to him and gave him a playful shove as we went to the elevators.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I laughed. Marco laughed and said, “What?”

“We did stunt work? It was so minimal. You’re so full of shit, Ilsø.” I snickered. Marco shrugged and said, “What? I’m just trying to help the poor girl out.”

“Help her with what?” I asked, scrunching up my face as I chuckled.

“Come on, man. She obviously likes you. I’m trying to to help her.” Marco snickered. I rolled my eyes as we stepped into the elevator.

“Seriously? She’s a fan, that doesn’t mean she likes me like that.” I said. Marco scoffed.

“She seems to be more flustered around you than the other guys. I saw her talking with Clive and Gustaf earlier. She was perfectly fine.” Marco said. I shook my head.

“I don’t believe it.” I said, walking out of the elevator. Marco shrugged.

“Fine. Then you’ll have no objection if I try to get you two together?” Marco teased. I gave him a look.

“Try what you want, man. I’m telling you, she doesn’t like me like that. She’s just a fan.”

~

Rose’s POV:

I sat in the hot tub, alone thankfully, and had my head tilted back as I let the warm water work out all my nervous kinks. I literally did nothing physical during my staging and my muscles hurt, my back hurt, my legs, my thighs, all because I worked myself up for something so simple! I needed to learn how to relax in these kinds of situations, but that bitch we call Anxiety rears her ugly ass head like ‘Bitch, you thought’ and just wrecks my body and my mind. For these reasons among many others, this was why I snuck a little, ahem, medicine into Dublin. Don’t ask me how I did it, I was just as shocked, believe me. I knew I shouldn’t have brought it, I could have gotten kicked off the show for it most likely, but thank god I had the good sense to get a medical card for it. I only ever smoked when I needed to de-stress, especially after something like the last two days, which wasn’t something super stressful, but in my fucked up mind, it was. Plus I was only an occasional smoker, if I did at all. But I knew I would be freaking out while I was here so I snuck a few joints, only ever smoking half or even less than that, just a little high to get the edge off.

“Hey.” I jumped as my peaceful state was shattered. I sighed and looked up as Marco and Alex came over, snickering. Marco slipped off his flip flops and dipped his feet in as he asked, “Why are you always so jumpy?”

I sighed, with a giggle, and said, “I just zone out and sometimes I’m not aware or it’s just unexpected. I told you, I’m fucked up.”

I giggled as Marco did as well, slipping into the water and sighing, sinking into the water until it reached his nose. Alex shook his head and pulled his shirt off as he kicked off his shoes. Good. Fucking. Lord, it took everything I had to not start drooling. I looked him over, quickly, looking away as fast as I could, but I saw Marco staring at me and I knew I was caught. I felt my cheeks heat as Alex slid in to join us, giving his own sigh of relief.

“They said you were from California, right?” Alex asked, turning to me. I looked at him and nodded with a rather proud smile.

“Yeah. I’m from Santa Clara. It’s not really a small town but almost no one knows where it is.” I said with a giggle.

“It’s not near San Diego, is it? I’ve been there a few times for Comic Con.” Alex said. I couldn’t help but laugh as I shook my head.

“No. It’s like almost a day’s drive from San Diego. But my aunt lives down there, so I’ve been a few times.” I said.

“Yeah? That’s cool. Have you ever been to Comic Con?” He asked. I gave a soft snort and shook my head.

“No. I’ve heard the tickets are super expensive, for one, and sell out almost immediately, for two. But I want to go so bad. I love meeting the celebs and seeing the cool cosplays. Some are really good for pictures.” I said. Alex raised an eyebrow and asked me, “You take pictures?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I went to SacAnime Con one year, up in Sacramento. Those were some of my best pictures, holy shit. There were some real spot on cosplays.” I said. His eyes practically glittered.

“What kind of camera do you have?” He asked. Marco groaned and dipped his head back. Alex shot him a look. “What?”

“Dude, you and your photography.” Marco chuckled.

“Hey, Photography is a fucking art, alright? You’ve either got the eye for it or you don’t.” I said, slightly defensive, but chuckling. Alex looked at me and smiled.

“Exactly! See?! She gets it!” Alex said, holding a hand out to me.

“She’s a photographer too! Of course, she does!” Marco laughed. Alex flipped him off as he turned to me. I giggled and answered his previous question, “I only have the camera I got for college. Canon EOS Rebel T3. Kind of shitty.”

“Canon is a good brand.” Alex said. “I have a 6D.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen it in some of your pictures on Instagram. It’s fucking gorgeous.” I said, with a soft sigh. Alex chuckled and slid closer as we dove into talk about cameras and our photography. We talked for what seemed like forever, but it had only been about 15 minutes.

“What kind of reflectors do you use?” He asked. I’m not sure why, but I blushed as I answered, “I don’t. I don’t use lights or reflectors at all. I use natural light and adjust my settings accordingly.”

He stared at me in shock. “Are you serious? I can’t even do that!” He said. I giggled and blushed even more. I’d been told before that shooting in natural light was a talent that you either had or you didn’t, so it wasn’t anything new to me, but for the fact that Alex was impressed made my heart flutter.

“God, you two are perfect for each other.” Marco muttered. Alex shot him a look but couldn’t hold back his chuckle. “What? I’m just saying. She’s as big a nerd about photography as you are. You’ve never met a girl like that before.”

“That’s because you really have to have a passion for photography to be good. You can’t just buy a point and shoot an call yourself a photographer.” Alex said. He turned to me and said, “I’d love to see your stuff sometime.”

“Well, I’m on Instagram. And I have a page on Facebook.” I said.

“I’ll have to grab it from you before we leave tonight. I’ll check it out in the room.” He said. I swear to God, I heard my heart burst. That or it stopped, either way.

“Y-yeah. Sure.” I said. Alex chuckled. 

“Alright. I’m getting into the pool. It’s getting to warm in here.” Marco said, pulling himself out. Alex glanced at him and nodded in agreement.

“You wanna come?” Alex asked. I sighed and gave a soft groan.

“I was really hoping not to get my hair wet.” I chuckled as I got out as well.

“We won’t dunk you or anything.” Alex said, taking his hair down and slipping his hair tie around his wrist. I shrugged and took mine down as well, shaking it out and tossing it over my shoulder.

“It’s fine. It’s gonna happen anyway.” I giggled. As we started walking to the pool, Marco and Alex started screwing around and eventually broke into a run, heading toward me. I quickly moved out of the way as they both jumped into the water, making a huge splash. I shook my head and laughed as they splashed around.

“You two are ridiculous, I hope you know that.” I said, popping my hip and crossing my arms. The boys chuckled and gave one more splash at each other.

“We know.” Alex said.

“Jump in!” Marco called. “Come on, it’s not that cold!”

“Oh, it’ll be cold. And it’s going to feel great.” I said.

“So jump in. Come on.” Alex said, splashing my feet. I squeaked at the cold and jumped back with a laugh. Alex swam to the edge and rested his chin on his fists. “Jump in.”

I sighed and got a little run going, jumping over him and splashing into the water, letting myself sink to the bottom before I kicked off, hard, popping up out of the water. I gave my head a small, quick shake, flicking the water out of my face before rubbing my hands over my face. I shivered and let out a soft moan from the shock of the cold water as I turned to the boys. They chuckled and I splashed them.

“Shut up. I’m sensitive to temperature changes, okay?” I said. Alex chuckled and kicked off the wall, swimming over to me. Marco smirked at him and hung back while we talked.

“Is this your first time in Dublin?” He asked as he floated over to me. I nodded.

“First time in Ireland, actually. I’ve wanted to visit here for years.” I said. Alex raised an eyebrow with a soft ‘Oh?’ I nodded and said, “Yeah. I’ve got some Irish in me and my grandpa’s family is from Stradone in County Cavan. It’s like...An hour away from Dublin? I’ve been dying to come here to see our family farm and get some pictures.”

“That would be cool. Maybe I can go with you on a day off or something. I’ve never really travelled outside Dublin or the set.” Alex said. I lit up a little and nodded.

“That would be awesome. Hopefully, I’ll still be here when you get a day off. I’m only in a few scenes for now so, I might leave soon.” I said with a shrug. Alex chuckled.

“Well, if they like what you do with the character and the chemistry and all that shit they might write you a bigger part.” Alex said. I swear my face turned pale and the thought.

“Oh, God. I can barely handle this! I don’t know if I want a bigger part!” I said with a fake whine and a soft giggle. Alex laughed and shook his head.

“Nah, don’t even worry. You’ll be fine. We can always run lines until your comfortable. It’s really about making sure you know the lines and can get down the action. The cameras and being on set becomes second nature. You tune it all out after a while.” He said. I shrugged and nodded with a soft laugh. He chuckled and started to swim around me in a circle, like a fucking water vulture. I giggled and began to spin with him, clasping my hands in front of myself and simply moving my legs to spin. It stopped him for a minute, utterly baffled and we both laughed before he continued, “So, you’re Irish? What else are you?”

“I’m basically European, to be honest. Irish, Italian, Scottish, German...I’ve even got a little Danish in me.” I said, wiggling my eyebrows at him.

“I bet you want a little more in you…” Marco said, quietly, but loud enough so I could hear him.

“Yeah, I do.” I responded, causing a surprised reaction from Marco and my mouth to snap shut and look at him in shock. Marco burst into laughter, nearly drowning himself, while Alex bit his lip to stop from doing the same, having heard everything. I was almost positive my entire body was flushed red as I slowly jellyfished my way to the ladder and quickly got out. “So, anyway…”

I made my way to my towel and wrapped myself up while Marco continued to die of drowning as he laughed and Alex chuckled, swimming to the edge and climbing out to follow me. I sighed and tied my hair up after wringing the excess water out.

“Rose…” I turned as Alex scooped up his towel, drying himself off. I gave a sigh and pasted on a smile. “He’s an idiot. He says stupid shit like that all the time.”

“Well, I usually have better control over what comes out of my mouth. So…” I said with a tilt of my head as I slipped on my flip flops and started to leave. Alex chuckled and jogged to catch up with me.

“Hey,” He touched my arm to stop me and turn me to him. “I say stupid shit like that too. And it’s gotten me into a lot more trouble.”

I gave him a soft laugh and shifted my towel to wipe the water droplets that trickled down my cheeks.

“Well, I’m sure you don’t get embarrassed easily, so…”

“Why was that embarrassing? It was all a joke. It’s kind of a big part of what we do behind the scenes. You said you like that shit.” He teased. I smiled and giggled. Alex chuckled and put an arm around my shoulders as we walked back inside. “Listen, don’t listen to Ilsø, okay? He’s an idiot. Probably as big an idiot as me, but whatever.”

We both chuckled and broke apart as we reached the elevators. I sighed and glanced down at my feet.

“I’m sorry. I’m just...Really-”

“Nervous?” He finished. I looked up at him as he wore that stupid grin on his face. I laughed, softly and nodded. 

“Yeah. Exactly.” I said as the doors opened. We both stepped inside and Alex pressed the button for our floor.

“Well, hey, if it helps, just hang out with us for a while. You’ll get used to us and we can run lines and stuff. If being around new people makes you nervous, then hang around until we aren’t new to you anymore.” He said. I shrugged.

“Sounds like a good idea. I’ve always said I wanted to hang out with you guys anyway.” I said. The doors opened and we got off, walking down the hall to our rooms.

“Really?” He asked, surprised. I giggled and nodded.

“Yeah. I’ve seen your guys’ stories and the videos and stuff, and it’s like half the time it’s stuff me and my friends do.” I said.

“So, you knew we would get along! Why are you so nervous?!” Alex asked, fake tackling me as he wrapped his arms around my waist and tickled me a little. I squealed and grabbed at his hands, trying to pry them away as we walked. Alex chuckled and let go of me as we reached my room.

“Because you guys are famous. I psych myself out, overthink. I’ve told you this already, many times, Alex.” I teased, swiping my room card and opening the door. Alex followed me in and I dropped my towel, rummaging through my bag for something to change into. Alex leaned against the doorway as I dug through.

“And now you know we’re just two big idiots and have nothing to be afraid of right?” Alex teased back. I gave him a look and pushed him out the door.

“Shut up.” I said. Alex snickered and turned to walk down the hall. I sighed and bit my lip, watching his backside as he left. Suddenly he stopped, after only a few steps and came back.

“Oh, hey, what was your Instagram and stuff? I really do want to check out your work.” He said. I chewed my lip before holding out my hand for his phone. He gave me a smirk and opened his Instagram before handing it to me. I typed in my photography handle and handed it back to him. He looked at the name and chuckled, clicking on it and pressing follow, then looked at me and said, “Jackson Rose?”

I shrugged and said, “I prefer to go by Rose.” Alex chuckled and nodded.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He teased. He gave his phone a little wave and said, “Goodnight.”

“Night.” I said, leaning against the doorframe to watch him leave. I bit my lip and prayed that my time here would go smoothly, especially when it came to Alex.

~

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[timehealsfanfictionbka]

Time Heals..... Chapter Fourteen

“Well, Hey Stranger.”

Chris smiled as Robyn’s door was opened, “hey Bajan Girl.”

Robyn smiled as she leaned against the door frame, “How you been?”

“I’m good. You?”

“Same. What brings you by so early? The girls aren’t here.”

“Oh, I know. I actually came to talk to you.”

“Oh, well come in, I was just starting on dinner.”

“So early?”

“It’s stewed oxtails, it’s gonna be on for a while.”

“Oh ok.”

“You eat lunch yet?”

“Nah.”

“Cool, we can have lunch then.”

Chris followed Robyn inside and closed the door behind him. He was a little uncomfortable though. He knew she was trying to be more cordial and friendlier to him but she was being way too nice. He followed her to the kitchen and sat down at the table. Robyn moved to her cabinets and grabbed two bowls and two glasses. Chris watched as she dished something into the two bowls then poured some kind of juice that was in a pitcher on her island into the two glasses before making her way over to the kitchen table. Setting one bowl, a spoon and a glass in front of him, she sat the other in front of her seat before sitting down, “so what’d you want to talk about?”

“Nothing specific. Really just wanted to check on you.”

“Sure you didn’t want to talk about your wife calling me yesterday?”

“I’d really rather not know about that.”

Robyn chuckled, “why not? The conversation was rather interesting.”

“I’m sure it was.”

“You coming to dinner with us?”

“Us who?”

“Me and Tiana.”

“Hell naw.”

Robyn burst out laughing, “why you say it like that?

“I don’t want to see her and definitely not both of y’all together.”

“Why you don’t want to see her?”

“She’s really playing a game with this shit and I’m really over it.”

“Chris, she wants to speak with me before making a decision, how is that a game?”

“I don't see what you have to do with whether me and her stay married or not. Did she explain to you her logic behind this?”

“Yea and as a woman, I understand. Do I think she’s overthinking this? Absolutely but she’s allowed.”

“She really thinks me and you are gonna end up together.”

“Look, it’s crazy but it’s still a logical question to ask. She isn’t me and you, she can’t read our minds and definitely not mine. If me telling her in person that I have no interest in being with you will make her feel better, it’s the least I can do especially since I kinda played a part in turning her life upside down.”

“Are you fucking somebody?”

Robyn spit out her drink onto the table. Chris didn’t even flinch as he leaned forward on his hands and waited for an answer.

“What would make you ask that?”

“You are way too calm and nice right now. So either you smoking or somebody finally fucked the edge off. Which is it?”

“How about neither?

“I don’t believe you.”

“Why not?”

“I know you, Robyn and you are never this nice unless….well, you know.”

“No, I don’t know, Christopher. Whatever do you mean?”

Chris’s brow furrowed and Robyn chuckled, “you’re being like this just to fuck with me, aren’t you?

“No. I just figured you had enough on your plate dealing with Tiana and decided not to be difficult for  a while.”

Chris felt his body softened as he smiled at her, “really?”

“Yes really. I can be nice when I wanna be, Christopher.”

Chris didn’t want to feel something when she said his full name but that had always been a thing for him.

“Don’t say my name like that.”

“Like what?”

“My full name. Don’t do that.”

“Why?”

Chris raised his brow at her and took a sip of his drink. Robyn frowned for a bit then her eyes widened as she remembered why he didn’t want her saying his full name.

“Oh. Forgot about that.”

“I did too until you kept saying Christopher.”

“Sorry.”

“No need. It was a long time ago. So are you really going to dinner with Tiana?”

“Why not? Might as well get it over with now. It’s not like we aren’t run into each other occasionally.”

“That’s true.”

“Do you not want me to go?”

“Would you not if I said I didn’t want you to?”

“I’d think about it.”

“But do it anyway.”

“You know me so well.”

Chris laughed as he ran his hand over his head, “Too well.”

“You ok?”

“Yea, I guess.”

“You don’t sound too sure.”

“I’m not.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I really don’t know what I feel.”

“Maybe you do know what you feel but you don’t know how to verbalize it.”

“That might be it.”

“So stop thinking about it so hard and just say whatever is on your mind.”

“Tiana thinks I’m in love with you.”

“Are you?”

“No.”

“So why are you stressing over it?”

“Because she doesn’t believe me.”

“And why do you think that is?”

“I really don’t know. I can be honest and say I do care alot about you and your happiness and comfort does matter to me but that doesn’t mean the same thing as being in love.”

“Why do you think she does?”

Chris paused then shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t-”

“Chris you know, that’s why you paused. You don’t have to find the right words to say right now, just say it.”

“She thinks I care more about your comfort and happiness than I do hers.”

“And why do you think that is?”

“Because I won’t tell her about our friendship.”

“What exactly does she want to know?”

“I really don’t know and she won’t tell me.”

“Well put yourself in her shoes, what would you want to know if you found out your wife slept with her best friend one time?”

“I guess if it was planned.”

“Ok. Was it?”

“No.”

“Ok then tell her that.”

“I did.”

“That it wasn’t planned or that it was just a drunken incident?”

“It was a drunken incident.”

“Not the same as it wasn’t planned.”

“But it wasn’t. We went out, we got drunk, we fucked.”

“That’s not specific enough. We fucked. What were you thinking? When you got sober, what did you do?”

“I wasn’t thinking anything, that’s the problem.”

“You sure?”

“Robyn, what are you getting at?”

“Your wife asked me something and I wasn’t sure how to answer her but what she said makes sense.”

“What?”

“Why didn’t we stop?”

“Stop what?”

“When we started having sex, why didn’t we stop?”

“She asked me that too but I really don’t understand.”

“Chris, I look nothing like Tiana. Nothing at all. So at some point, you knew it wasn’t her you were sleeping with. And at some point, I knew it was you that I was sleeping with. Why didn’t we stop?”

“I don’t know.”

“Really?”

“Yes really. These are some Jeopardy level questions and I’m barely Smarter than a Fifth Grader right now.”

Robyn laughed, “Honestly, I think until we are able to answer that question, she’s gonna always be uncomfortable with us being around each other. She’s never gonna trust you as much as she should.”

“All because we didn’t stop?”

“Chris, if you take us out the equation, you’ve gotta admit it’s the right question to ask. If we could so easily let that happen because of a few drinks, what’s to stop it from happening again? Other than never drinking around each other.”

“Bajan Girl, I never gave it that much thought.”

“I hadn’t either until she brought it up.”

Chris sighed, “I guess we got soul searching to do, huh?”

“You do. I’m not married to her so my answer doesn’t matter that much.”

“Oh no, she is not gonna let you off the hook that easy. And neither am I.”

“Why?”

“I want to know the answer too.”

“How about you answer something for me first?”

“What?”

“You told me that you didn’t tell Tiana because you had already lost enough. What did you mean by that?”

“Nothing.”

“Chris, you meant something. We’re being completely honest with each other right now.”

“Ok, I’ll answer that if you answer something for me.”

“What?”

“Did you not tell me about the girls because you really hated me or because you were still in love with me?”

Robyn blew out a breath, “honestly, both. You were my friend and meant everything to me, feelings like that don’t just disappear but at the same time, I felt abandoned by you so my love and hate existed in tandem.”

“Well, I had lost you and your friendship, I really couldn’t risk anything else at that point.”

They both fell silent for a moment as their conversation had started to sink in. Chris knew he had to go to dinner with her and Tiana, he had to explain but a part of him knew things would never go back the way they were regardless of what questions they answered.

Robyn didn’t know how to feel about Chris’s answer. She really thought he had just forgotten about her but her absence actually did mean something to him at one time. That bothered her for some reason.

“I guess I’m gonna have to go to this dreaded dinner,” Chris murmured.

“Look, I am not looking forward to spilling my guts to her either but...it's not fair for you to take the blame for something that wasn’t all your fault.”

“Now, I’m really convinced you fucking somebody because this is just too weird.”

Robyn laughed, “Oh my God, is me being nice bothering you that much?”

“Yes, it’s making me paranoid.”

“Why can’t I just decide to be nice?”

“Because just a while ago you wanted to bite my head off, now you’re treating me like we’re friends again.”

“Aren’t we?”

“I don’t know. We never really discussed it.”

“Do you want to be my friend again?”

“Absolutely, if that’s ok with you?”

“It’s fine with me. I’m over it. We just gotta fix your marriage then we can move on completely.”

“Wait, so that means you accepted my apology?”

“Yes, I accepted your apology.”

Robyn squealed as Chris jumped up and pulled her into a hug, “Chris!”

He started squeezing her and she figured she might as well give in to the hug since it seemed like Chris wasn’t gonna let her go anytime soon. She carefully wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him back. A few moments, he carefully set her back down on her feet, “Thank you.”

“Chris, why are you acting like this was life or death?”

“I have enough uncertain relationships in my life right now. I don’t want my relationship with our daughters to be the only healthy one I have.”

“You act like your life is gonna end if things don’t work out between you and Tiana. Is that how you feel?”

“I feel like a fuck up.”

“But you’re not. We all make mistakes, doesn’t mean we have to punish ourselves for it forever. You just gotta accept the consequences and learn from them, that’s all you can do.”

“I guess.”

“You’re really scared that she’s gonna divorce you, aren’t you?”

“Yea and I don’t know how to deal with that.”

“Awwww....you poor baby,” Robyn held open her arms and Chris leaned into them, “we’re friends and I’m not gonna let you fall apart, ok? We’ll answer her questions and I’ll do whatever you need me to so that we can keep this together and if that doesn’t work, I’ll do whatever to at least keep you together, ok?”

Chris nodded his head and Robyn rubbed his back, “Lawd...the twins are just as melodramatic. I got my work cut out for me.”

Chris playfully pinched her side, “I heard that.”

Robyn laughed as she pulled away, “it’s true. They got a lot more than their artistic talent from you, I surmise.”

“So what did they get from you?”

“My brains and good looks, what else?”

Chris scoffed and Robyn raised her brow, “don’t get unfriended after I just decided to friend you again.”

“This ain’t Facebook. You are stuck with me forever.”

Robyn laughed, “Now that’s the Chris I remember.”

Chris laughed then smiled as he ran the back of his hand down her cheek, “My Bajan Girl, I love you.”

“I know or else you wouldn’t be trying to be my friend again so bad.”

“A Thank you or I love you too would’ve worked just fine.”

“But I don’t love you just yet. I do like you though.  At least a little bit.”

“Just a little bit?”

“Just a little. Baby steps.”

“I can take that.”

Robyn smiled and Chris smiled back, “anything else you want to talk about?”

“Nah, I think we pretty much covered everything. Thank you.”

“No problem. What are friends for?”

“For awesome hugs.”

Robyn rolled her eyes, “I’ll hug you at the door or you’ll never leave my house.”

“You putting me out already?”

“There’s nothing here for you to do.”

“You don’t want to hang out with me?” Chris replied with a pout.

“VA, we both have some thinking to do before this dinner with Tiana. We should focus on that and hang out later.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Chris, you are not gonna use me for a distraction, ok?”

“I wasn’t trying to, just didn’t want to think about that serious stuff right now.”

“Which is another way of saying distraction. Don’t use your words games to try and confuse me.”

“I’m not.”

“Bye Chris.”

Robyn opened the front door and Chris leaned against the frame, “Before I go, is it cool if I get the girls from my mother’s and bring them back to my house? I wanna take them shopping for their rooms and everything.”

“That’s fine. Just call me when you get them so I remember and don't drive over to Mama J’s house for no reason.”

“That I can do.”

“So I guess I’ll see you in a few days.”

“The dinner is when?”

“Next Friday at some place in Houston, I’ll have to text you the name and time once I remember”

“Alright. You be safe, ok?”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m good.”

Chris leaned in to hug her and Robyn quickly breathed in his scent. He kissed her temple and pulled back, “Thanks for everything.”

“I got you. Don’t worry.”

Chris nodded his head then left down the porch steps as Robyn closed the door.

[readbythestarlight]

c2e28

“This flask is Taliesin’s new character” shut up Sam don’t mock us

They’re FINALLY going to go check out the Taskers and i swear if Taliesin’s character isn’t with them I’m gonna die

(unless this is all a trick and Taliesin is just hanging out until Molly can reasonably be brought back…)

Caleb stepping in and doing some strategizing both makes me proud and makes me sad because I guarantee he was great at that before Everything happened

Beau and Caleb disagreeing over a spider

“Shady Debaters Debate Team” I would wear that shirt

Nila wants to use her lighting let her fuck people up with her lightning draw people outside for her to fry please

Yes please get yourself some goddamn healing potions

YAAAAS NILA HAS HEALING WORDS

and good berries xD

GUYS I STILL LOVE HER SO MUCH I WOULD STILL DIE FOR HER

The Bone Orchard…ooooooo

Necromancers maybe?

Please go to the Taskers first I feel like Taliesin has to be with them

If people have been torturning Jester I’m gonna cry she’s too sweet for this

Nila’s smell bag is so cute y’all stop teasing her

“You are relying on me, I’m very happy” sHE’S SO PURE

Oh shiiiiit she just saved them from freaky forest ground monsters that’s my girl!

GRAVE SITE I’M TELLING YA ITS NECROMANCERS

Caleb getting tired of the debate and just heading over the gate

Not just carelessly flinging herself after him smh

Spooooooky place I don’t know how I feel about this

YAAAAAAAAS THEY FOUND HIM HOLY SHIT AHHHHHHHHHHHH OF COURSE HE LIVES IN A GODDAMN GRAVEYARD I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN HE IS THE ULTIMATE GOTH

HE’S A FIRBOLG???

“Caduceus Clay” AND HES A CLERIC GOD BLESS Jester will be delighted that she doesn’t have to do all the healing anymore

Caduceus seems delightful I’m delighted I MISSED YOU TALIESIN

fuck i love him already

he’s like the goddamn grave keeper TALIESIN COULD YOU HAVE GONE ANY MORE GOTH

B: “You’re drinking dead-people tea?”

Cad: “Aren’t we all?”

THE. ULTIMATE. GOTH.

…can’t bring Molly back. I’m not surprised at all given that it would be weird to bring his own character back, but still. That’s okay. It’s fine.

He just figured he’d sit there with his tea until someone came to help him leave lol

C: “Welcome to the Mighty Nein”

Cad: “There’s only, uh—“

B: “DON’T overthink it”

Nott shooting Beau to test Cad’s healing xD

FRUMPKIN NO DONT KILL HIM

fuuuuuuuck he dead

they needed him god dammit

HE’S ALIVE

ALIVE BY 1

I can’t decide if this is going to be a disaster, them going after them again right now, or???

LETS NOT SPLIT UP AT ALL EVEN JUST TO KILL TWO GUARDS

Taking off her armor is a horrible idea guys

Guest!Ashley has the cutest face and the purest laugh??? I love her

While we’re on break I’m trying to decide, is it weird that Taliesin chose to play a cleric when they already have a cleric? Part of me is like “what if he did that because he knew they were gonna need the temporary heals and he’s just gonna stick around as Cad until Jester is back and then he’s gonna rez Molly” and part of me is just like bfs girl Molly is gone let him go??

I don’t think I’ll be able to move on from Molly for sure though until the M9 move on from Shady Creek, with Cad tagging along.

Frumpkin the 3-HP spider

Not asking Cad questions nervously is adorable

Beau just sticking her face in the bag for the luck orb xD

Caleb: talks about breaking a guy’s skull

Nila: “excellent”

Poor Taliesin having to figure out a whole new character. He’d barely really figured out Molly yet.

20 for a perception check nice job Keg!

Sumalee accidentally meta gaming is honestly just cute enough that i don’t even care she could metagame all day and i’d be fine with it

HERE THEY GOOOOO

Matt looks so lost xD

FUCK ‘EM UUUUUUP TEAM BEAU/CALEB/NILA

FUCK ‘EM UUUUUUP TEAM KEG/NOTT/CAD

good rolls, good rolls…

YAAAAS GO KEG!

YAAAAAS NILA BASH HIM DO IT GIRL she’s been waiting to kill someone for so long

goddamn they handled that SO WELL LOOK AT THEM IM SO PROUD

“one was just enjoying the wind, and then darkness forever” Matt xD

Goddamn I can’t believe they pulled that off so well. Lorenzo better watch the fuck out.

Are we calling him Clay then because I liked Cad

Frumkpin the flying spider?? Methinks they all forgot Caleb made him a spider

Nila’s so excited to have like 32 gold she’s so cute you guys

Keg get another nat20 for stealth

okay… are they really unnoticed I’m nervous

B: “Look at the—look at the windows, too.”

Cad: “They’re nice.”

I love hiiiiiim

We can’t go get friends tho because they’re not HERE YET

Boy I can’t wait to see this map

Liam missing his rogue days hardcore right now lol

YAAAAS Taliesin with the nat20 deception I was so scared

“I’m gonna have an ulcer after this game” fucking SAME

Ashley and Sam holding hands like SAME god the stress

Also heck yeah we’re uncovering the maaaaap!

Liam is just very thoroughly uncovering the map

fuck don’t squish Frumpkin

“Hey Phil come help me kill this spider!”

Oh thank god good job poofing him out Caleb

I’m serous guys I love Caleb coming up with plans and leading the group in Fjord’s absence I love it

WAIT

YOU CANT SEND NOTT IN BY HERSELF

DONT DO THAT

FUCK

WE CANT AFFORD TO LOSE ANOTHER MEMBER OF THE GANG GUYS

NOT NOTT

Hey Caleb can you teach Nott the door unlocking spell?

Keg: “Nott. Be careful.”

Nott: “…Do you care about me?”

K: “…Yeah.”

N: *happy wiggle*

Fuck I don’t like this they were doing so well but this is going to be a disaster

A NAT1

FUUUUUUUUUCK

KILL THEM

fuck it was going so well god DAMMIT Caleb this was a BAD PLAN

God they’re not even all together I am literally so afraid right now

Yessss hasted Keg

fuckfuckfuck im literally so fucking scared right now

okay good they missed Not

FUCK ‘EM UP NILA

NO SAVE THE TOTEM FOR LORENZO

SAVE IT NILA

SAVE IT

poison spray yesss that sounds nice and 12pts damage good girl

poor Sam has such a hard time with his rogue skills

NOTT STOP RUNNING AHEAD

GOD Y’ALL DID MOLLY TEACH YOU NOTHING

fuck them up Keg

Yessssss kill him Keg my hero

Hasted Keg is the best man 4 attacks? She’s helping make up for a lack of Yasha

Keg getting between Nott and danger is so sweet I’m crying is she trying to make sure Molly does’t happen all over again

I would also die for Keg you guys

Sorry Phil you dead

BITCH HAS YASHA’S SWORD

FUCK HER UP

Wait until you get in the room above the trap door at least Nila

I adore her

PHIL DON’T YOU TOUCH NILA

yesssss he misses

NOTT

DONT FUCKING GO NEAR THE BARBARIAN

“IM THINKING OF REMOVING MY SPINE… CAUSE IT’S ONLY HOLDING ME BACK! :D”

holy shit Nott put her prone I’m crying I’m sorry I doubted you Nott

Fuck up the barbarian Keg yessss

Action surge means what what is that it’s cool

NAT20 YAAAAAS Keg is the BEST you guys

What I’m taking from this is that women name Ashley make the best lady characters and get the job done

why are you spending key points in non-combat when Lorenzo is still out there somewhere

Oh jeez are Cad or Nila close enough to heal Keg if she needs it??

DON’T TAKE AWAY HASTE

fuck

Liam and Matt gonna fight lol

Let Nila beat the door in

MOMMA POWERS ACTIVATE and she beats in the door HELL YEAH

Maybe she should have saved the totem for IN the trap door?

Sumalee is so concerned that she’s gonna make a mistake it’s cute

UH I KNOW IT’S A JOKE BUT YOU CAN TAKE TALIESIN’S NEW CHARACTER FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS SOMEONE ELSE CAN DIE

Cad coming in with the heals heck yes

“A cleric who likes to heal! It’s amazing” LOL Sam. My thoughts exactly though

This isn’t going terrible but it isn’t going great and I’m worried about what they will have left when it comes time to face Lorenzo

YEAAAAAH HDYWTDT CALEB HECK YES somebody grab Yasha’s sword

also damn Caleb you get vicious with that fire

oh baby

please don’t freak again Molly isn’t here to forehead kiss you out of it

Aw first time he managed not to have issues

Maybe Lorenzo isn’t home… that would be great…

Or he’s downstairs…

Damn, Taliesin, that’s so amazingly morbid and fantastic. Just melting them away into fertilizer.

Nott apologizing for not being able to unlock the door and Caleb reassuring her that it’s not her fault. My heart.

Trapped door.

They are all getting silly xD

Oh god okay here we go

“I like pink better than purple” Liam how dare you

Manacles again ffs Matt

God a whole underground place

“He’s looking for green or blue or goth”

Fuuuuck they gotta get through at least 3 more??

And still no Lorenzo

fuck i don’t like thiiiiiiis

Lorenzo is absolutely in there. If he was upstairs he would have come down.

You’re assuming that there isn’t another way out that they could escape through and flank you

Matt’s like “I just got the downstairs map out guys”

Cad/Clay/Whatever like “let’s just?? ask??”

Oh no

stop him

“fucking Phil, ammiright?”

fuck this son of a bitch up

16 damage fuck him uppppp Nila!

fuck him uuuuup Keg!

fuck him up Clay!

fuck him up Nott!

Clay just… turning him into mulch I’m crying

Damn I’m so impressed they took care of that so well

fuck traps

PLEASE LET NILA’S BABY BE OKAY

Nila being such a mom is my favorite like I’m so here for the peaceful person who has never hurt anyone, but will fuck you UP for touching their loved ones

SOMEONE HEAL ASSAR

IM CRYING

MATT STOP IT

it’s fine I’m only crying a little

“be well. be well my son.”

I’m very much crying

Let her rip it open Matt let her do it

Okay Nila it’s okay let Nott try or Caleb then if Nott can’t

SAM stop with the 1s!!

SHES GOT HER FAMILY BACK AGAIN I CRYYYYYYY

the power of love is stronger than metal bars hell yes

“I love it when it works for the narrative!” lol Matt at his most DM-i-est

FAMILY HUG ITS FINE IM NOT CRYING

oh god I’m gonna miss Nila so much

WE LOVE YOU NILA I HOPE WE SEE YOU AGAIN SOME DAY

FIRBOLG HUG

I’ve cried way too much these past like idk 7 episodes

Nila is forever a member of the M9 y’all save that feather

it’s fine

it’s totally fine

How many members of the M9 are there now

Fjord Jester Caleb Nott Beau Molly Yasha, then Shakaste, Cali, Kiri, Keg, Nila, and now Clay.

God this was such a good episode.

Caduceus is great guys. He’s different enough from Molly not to make me heartsore, and I think he’ll bring a nice new dynamic? I’m not at all disappointed by him (not that I expected to be, I knew Taliesin wouldn’t let us down).

I’m gonna miss Nila so much. Like Marisha said, she was the softness the group needed.

I can’t believe Sumalee has never properly played before! That’s amazing! She was amazing! I hope I can be half that great at my first proper game!

And I’m so excited to see how it goes next week, live from GenCon! Excited to see how this section wraps up. It’s gonna be amazing.