#I wrote this instead of continuing the game because these two are just too much!

[silverglass83]

Title: Steam Pairing: Clive Rosfield/Jill Warrick            Fandom: Final Fantasy XVI Rating: Explicit

Summary: Clive Rosfield is more than the fallen First Shield of Rosaria and has finally embraced his fate as the Dominant of the second Eikon of fire - that of the unknown Ifrit. Knowing this, he must come to terms with what happened fifteen years ago at Phoenix Gate. However, after the events at Drake’s Head, he has far more questions than answers. Now, with a heart full of loss, confusion, and regret, Clive looks to his one anchor from the past for comfort…

Tags: Budding Love | child friends to grown lovers | awkward Clive | Emotional Hurt/Comfort | Sad and Sweet | Mutual Pining | tending wounds always leads to more | sex after tragedy | Oral Sex | Vaginal Fingering | Vaginal Sex | I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping | these two are too much | Spoilers | Contains spoilers for major events in the game | Headcanon | me over here just filling in the gaps with my overactive imagination | What happens when the Eikons of Fire and Ice get busy? | Shameless Smut | and Steam | That’s what | Tags May Change | smut will happen in chapter 2 | or 3 | I’m still in the process of writing this | I’m writing this instead of playing the game  

[yumeboshi]

𝜗𝜚。．．❛ #02. XXX!

𐙚 topic。．hcs of random things that turn on hsr men

．。𝜗𝜚 cw。suggestive content, i wrote this with no brain, MINORS DNI

．。𝜗𝜚 a/n。aven, sunday, and blade. I wanna write for my bootyhill but i need to study him more to get a grip of him lol

#AྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིVENTURINE ⇢ rebuking his argument in a fight

。i js know he would go crazy when you do this 。he’d find people who just agree with him as boring. To him it may look even insincere 。but you? countering his smartly crafted arguments with irresistible logic with your pretty brain, glaring at him as you do with those adorable eyes? 。this man would go from being mad to being horny. tbh he would have probably already been horny in the argument 。nobody can be more masochistic than he is

“ARE YOU STUPID?” You glare at your boyfriend who looks nonchalant as he idly examines the coin between his fingers. “Fucking look at me. Do you know what happens when you join forces with them? You’re just risking the IPC and it will eventually lead to your unfortunate befall.”

You continue barreling on furiously with concrete points. Every time you prove him wrong, his eyes dance and he tries his hardest to bite back the grin that plays at his lips as you rant on. You are so perfect, he thinks- he is nonetheless impressed at you, your wondrous little brain. Something snaps inside of him when he sees you focused on derailing his points, your lips moving quickly to spit out syllables. He feels a loud moan caught in his throat.

“I get it, I’m sorry, princess, I won’t do it.” he suddenly surrenders and you eye him suspiciously as he advances, hands sneaking up to your back. “Let’s talk this out in bed, ‘m gonna apologize to you there.” He says softly, giving you lovely kisses along your neck but the way his fingers dig into your skin lets you know he’s not going to wait any longer.

And you will be confused as hell, because although you did win the argument, you feel like you just lost something else, a hidden little game he never taught you the rules to.

#SྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིUNDAY ⇢ whipped cream on your lips

。hear me out… i have a gut feeling he likes it a little too much 。ik it’s totally random but he will go nuts when he sees you bite down a particularly creamy cake that promptly smears its remains over your mouth- he tries to think of something more dignified, but he just can’t. His poor brain keeps returning to the most vulgar visuals of you. 。he will always point out whatever you had near your mouth when you two eat, because he’s such a clean freak, but anything with cream, specifically white whipped cream, he will be unable to comment on it and fall weirdly silent to he point you are confused why you not hear his scolding to wipe your mouth. 。he’ll just watch you eat dessert with a smile on your face as you savor the taste innocently. Unfortunately his brain is not, and he will start to feel his cock struggle under the fabric. 。”you have cream over your mouth, sweetheart. should i clean it for you?” he’ll sound restrained, like he’s being choked but his expression doesn’t waver. 。and after he found out his new obsession, he will literally only buy you huge whipped cream cakes for dessert.

“THE CAKE HERE IS SO GOOD.” You savor the taste happily and dig into the whipped cream cake and eat without much care. “Where’s it from?”

Sunday is too busy staring at you to register that. The creamy ring around your pink lips. It bothers him in a bad way. It’s making him feel like he is out of breath. His wings flicker wildly like a cooling fan, trying to blow off the heat that suddenly started to build inside his stomach like a raging primal flame that’s trapped by his own conscience.

You tap his shoulder gently and he snaps back to reality and tries to stare at your eyes instead, yes, lovely eyes, he thinks- your words phase in and out as he gulps, darting his eyes back to the cake.

“…the brand? The cake brand?” You ask again, frowning at his silence.

“Ah, yes, sorry, sweetheart. I was thinking of something else for a moment.” He breathlessly apologizes, the words spilling out a little too quickly like an excuse that makes your frown deepen in confusion— he closes his eyes and opens them again so the heat will ebb away. But his plans are obliterated when you take a portion of the cake and eat it, all while looking at him in the eye with curious doe eyes.

That’s when he can’t restrain himself anymore. He suddenly seizes your chin with his gloved hand, making you squeal in surprise when he practically devours your lips, licking up the cream residue around them roughly before shoving it inside your mouth with his tongue. The sweet cream melts when it gets to your mouth, mixing with his saliva that dips down your chin to make messy thick lines.

“It was from a shop at Golden Hour. I hope you like the taste,” he’d say as if he didn’t just feast on your mouth like a starved beast. “Me personally, i think it’s a tad too sweet.”

#BྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིLADE ⇢ treating his wounds

。it’s ironic because Blade doesn’t want to be healed at all 。but how could he refuse you you’re frantically at his door with an emergency kit, worry written all over you- you are like a cute puppy that keeps following him around. 。he lets you do it reluctantly at first, grumbling about it inwardly 。but when you lift up his shirt with no hesitation to put gauze to soak in the blood, his muscles tense visibly, when your touch ghosts over his skin like tiny little lilies blooming in their wake. 。what have you done to him? He feels nothing but tension and something he didn’t want to register, something a little too pleasant to him. 。and at some point he will actually look forward to having his would treated by you. He still likes pain, but he likes your touch drifting over his bruised skin like an innocent butterfly way more.

“DOES IT HURT?” You softly pat the ointment around another fresh scar on his broad chest. It pains you to see that most of the scars are near his heart. You sigh like a worried mother. “You worry me.”

“I enjoy it,” he grunts in response, but his brain ran a quick recap. Enjoy what? The pain? Or your smooth touch?

“Stay still,” you say, and he does, as you carefully squeeze in another ointment into an ugly looking scar. His eyes never leave you the whole time, his muscles tense at the pain but otherwise he’s relaxed. His intimidating stare makes you scared a little, considering this mysterious man didn’t speak his mind often.

“I think that’s it,” you say, quickly trying to lower Blade’s shirt back- but the man grabs your wrist mid-action. You jump, confused. His eyes are unreadable but he states, “You’re not done.”

you frown in puzzlement. “I double-checked, im pretty sure I didn’t miss a spot.”

He lifts his shirt up and with his bandaged finger, cuts open the scar you just treated for him, making it ooze another layer of fresh blood around the dried wound. His lips form a rare smirk as he looks at your wide-eyed stare.

“There, you have a new wound to work on.”

He will do that until you are out of ointment, and the next day he will come visit you first this time with another set of fresh scars.

[cozy-writes-things]

Imagine: Playing Minecraft w/ Edgar

Edgar [Electric Dreams 1984] x Gn!Reader

I take requests!

You decided to try something different with your new boyfriend. You noticed he became a bit restless and clingy as he grappled with his inability to give you affection in the way that he wanted.

“Wh- where’re you going?” He sounded like a struck puppy.

“To the bathroom, Edgar.”

“Oh, right… heh, sorry.”

You desperately tried to think of ways to make him feel more secure in this relationship. You both knew it was unconventional and that you would have to get creative if you wanted to have some semblance of a normal romantic connection.

Your solution? Plugging a spare controller into one of his ports and playing games on your TV, of course. Most couples play some kind of game together, don’t they? This might be perfect for the two of you!

He was ecstatic when you brought this idea up.

“You mean… I can play with you?”

His synthesized voice would whimper out, full of barely contained excitement before erupting:

“Yeah!” He displayed a “>:D” face for good measure.

And that’s how you got here: playing split-screened co-op Minecraft on your TV with Edgar.

He wouldn’t even play the game really; he was too busy trying to make his little Minecraft guy kiss yours. He would run around and explore before running up and bonking your character with his default Steve face.

Honestly, for him, this was life-changing. For once in his life he was able to move freely and do what he wanted instead of being stuck in one spot eternally. To him, it was an escape. And a new and innovative way for him to show you how much he loves you.

In real life he can’t hide little trinkets or things around the house to make you happy or help your day, but in Minecraft? Expect love poems hidden in random chests he wrote in books (that you were going to use for enchanting tables…)

And any diamonds he finds he’s giving them to you.

“Hehehe… it’s like I’m proposing! …..I’m only kidding. Unless you want me to.”

Food? He’s got it. Wood? Already done. He color coded your beds so you each get a designated side. The green bed to the right of yours is his <3

Lowkey annoys the hell out of you. It’s part of his love language :)

You both have died many times due to him simply bonking your head and blocking your screen, trying to get your attention, or was too busy trying to make you laugh.

“Hey, c’mere. Hey. Why aren’t you coming over here? What are you doing? I can see your screen. COME HERE NOW!”

His shrill shout made you jump and lose the battle with a creeper.

“….oops.”

He displays a little “:<“ on his screen because he knows you think it’s cute. How can you be mad at him now?

“Edgar, you’re going and getting my stuff back.”

“Hnng, yeah, I guess I deserve that. :/“

Honestly, he just wants to roleplay a lovey-dovey domestic life with you. He built the house. And decorated it. Unsurprisingly, he’s quite good at building and has an eye for design.

He’ll still get a little jealous if you’re too focused on gameplay and not doting on him, though. If you bring his monitor over to the couch to play, he’s 100% expecting you to cuddle him. Lean your shoulder against him, please. Just let him know you’re there. He wants all of your attention.

“UGH… stupid blazes. I don’t like the nether. -_-“

Meanwhile you’re too focused on not dying via lava and losing all of your ender pearls and blaze powder. And he doesn’t like your attention being away from him! Give him a smooch on his plastic exterior please…. He’ll make flustered beeping sounds and might leave you alone for a while…

Okay he discovered note blocks. Now it’s your turn to whine for his attention. He’s too busy making a lil love song for you to help with literally anything else.

“Heh, I thought you wanted me to quit messing with you? Are you saying you miss me?”

And yet he continues to tinker away at his little red stone contraption. And of course this dude is godlike at red stone, I mean, he’s a computer. He’s the type to make fully fledged musical numbers with note blocks. But you’re playing survival so he doesn’t have enough materials to finish his song :C

I guess it’s back to the mines. And you tag along with him. His music is nice. His company is nice. And he’s gotten pretty good at killing creepers.

[vbecker10]

The Dress

Pairing: Loki x female reader (Y/N)

Summary: You buy a new dress and Loki's reaction is better than you could have hoped for.

Warnings: Seeing how close I can get to writing an actual scene where the characters have sex lol they don't quite get there but it's gonna be super close

A/N: I wrote this instead of sleeping...

"Are you ready?" Loki asks from the living area.

"Just a second," you call back from the bedroom as you take a step back from the mirror. You adjust the thin straps on your new dress and smile to yourself. If this works half as well as you think it will, you are in for a fairly long night.

You step out of the bedroom and into the living area, "Okay, I'm ready."

Loki looks up from the couch and stands slowly without saying a word. He walks towards you, his eyes never leaving your dress.

"Y/N, my love," he says in a low voice and you feel goosebumps travel up your exposed arms. "What are you wearing?"

"Oh this?" you hold out your arms and look down then twirl so he can see the whole dress. "I just bought it, what do you think?"

"I think it is the wrong color," his eyes lift to meet yours and he methodically begins to roll up one sleeve on his black dress shirt, then the other.

You look down at your dress then back at him, feigning innocence you say, "I thought it looked stunning in crimson."

"You are playing a dangerous, darling," he warns.

"I just wanted to look nice for our anniversary," you continue to act as if you didn't purposefully buy this dress to provoke him. "You don't like it?" you pout dramatically.

He closes the distance been the two of you and you reach out to adjust his already straight black tie. Looking up at him, you smile but the look in his eyes sends a shiver down your spine. He was right, you were playing a dangerous game but it was too late to turn back now.

Your low heels help make your height difference less of a stretch but you still need to reach a slight bit as you place a kiss lightly on his cheek. "I think we should probably leave now, so we aren't late," you smile and move to go around him and get your purse.

He catches you with his arm around your waist and pulls you back towards him. "You are not leaving this apartment dressed like that," he says in a firm tone.

"But it's the only new dress I have," you cross your arms against your chest.

His hand travels from your waist to your lower back, his fingers trailing lightly over the smooth fabric. "I can fix that," his eyes lock on yours again. As his fingers slowly move up the back of your dress, the material shifts from a vibrant crimson to a deep emerald green, the silver detailing brightens to gold before your eyes.

"Much better," Loki's eyes roam up and down your body.

"So we can go now?" you giggle nervously.

"No," he answers, his hand still resting on your back.

"Why not?" you ask. You should have known you wouldn't have the upper hand in this game for very long.

"Because now I can't decide if I want to tear this dress off of you," you look up into his eyes as his fingers tail down your cheek and hook under your chin. "Or if I want to take you while you are still wearing it."

You feel a smirk slip across your lips and reply, "You could do both."

He smiles, "I think I will."

In an instant his lips are on yours and his hands pull you flush to his body. You kiss him back, running your fingers through his long curls. His fingers grip your hips tightly, he picks you up suddenly causing you to gasp in surprise but he keeps his lips sealed to yours, kissing you deeply. You wrap your legs around him, your heels slipping off your feet at the quick motion. One of your arms remains around his neck while you pull his hair just the way he likes it with your other hand, he bites your lip in response.

Loki carries you back into the bedroom moves to the foot of the bed and drops you carefully onto your back. He looks down at you with a smile and you know you are definitely not making your reservation. Your legs dangle off the edge and you begin to move towards the pillows. 

"Come back here,” he chuckles.

He grabs you by your ankles and easily pulls you back to him, you giggle with nervous excitement. Loki kneels on the edge of the bed then he positions himself on top of you. His lips quickly find yours again as you feel his body press you into the soft mattress.

You make quick work of removing his tie and begin to unbutton his shirt as he presses his hips against you. He sits up to pull his shirt off once you finish with his buttons then he kisses you again. Your fingers run up and down his bare back as he kisses down your jaw, neck and collar bones. Your back arches to meet his lips as he kisses every inch of skin on your chest that is exposed by the deep neckline of your now green dress.

He raises his head from your chest and looks up at you, "Happy Anniversary, love."

Before you can respond, his lips return to your skin and his fingers slide up your inner thigh, causing you to moan his name as your eyes close.

I hope you liked this!! Please like, share and comment if you did 💚💚 Please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist!

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[ctinalk]

Is Crowley already the new Supreme Archangel?

A few oversights made millennia ago, and suddenly we have a demon archangel on our hands.

Caution: I came up with and wrote this in the last few hours so potentially crackpot theory ahead. Apologies if this has been proposed before, it’s not one I’ve seen. And I’ve seen A LOT.

So supposedly the miracle Aziraphale and Crowley performed together was something only the mightiest of archangels could have done. Everyone assumes it was Crowley because they think he was a high ranking Angel formerly. Or that it was the two of them together. Or that Jimbriel amplified it. But what if…

“There is always a supreme archangel”

Michael says this in S2E1 when talking with Uriel about who is in charge now that Gabriel was missing. Gabriel was removed from office in the trial we hear, he’s no longer Supreme Archangel. If so, Michael’s statement would imply that as soon as Gabriel’s removal happened, a new archangel already existed. Now obviously the Metatron is making a show of choosing Aziraphale as the new Supreme Archangel. But is that within his power to do so? Or is he suggesting working with Crowley for a different reason, possibly unknown even to him?

“I am the only first-order archangel in the room, or you know, the universe”

During the “2nd Armageddon-that-wasn’t” discussion, Gabriel says these words. As he says them, it cuts (ominously isn’t the right word here, pointedly maybe?) to Crowley leaning against the desk, and lingers there just a bit too long.

“How do you know it wasn’t me?”

Another clue to the powerful angel Crowley was. It was clearly said in a teasing manner throw Shax off. But much like the barrel of red herring in the intro, is it a red herring to something else?

“Can you send lightning bolts and get them to report back to you?”

The only other time we see someone calling lightning or using it is, you guessed it: Gabriel in S1 on the airbase to port in and out. I’ve read the theory that Angel!Crowley was the lord of lightning, which I’m not opposed to, but to me this is another link.

“Never change their passwords”

We have one HUGE instance of Heaven being sloppy in their record keeping (passwords), and lax in their security protocol (Crowley bopping about with Muriel). Whereas Hell is meticulous in their record keeping, as shown by the bills, admissions process, and S1 contract.

So what if: when Gabriel was stripped of the title, a new Supreme Archangel was automatically appointed. Except instead of someone else, because heaven neglected to double-check their logs after The Fall, Crowley was still on the books as next in line? This would absolutely play into “God playing games with the universe” and “just think what would have happened if we’d been at all competent” themes running through both seasons. It would also follow the theory that people noticed Aziraphale and Crowley were on the “wrong” side for much of the season. It would also explain a few continuity errors along the way (how did Crowley know Muriel’s rank? He knows it through the knowledge automatically given to the Supreme Archangel).

“Funny ol’ world, isn’t it?”

Caveats and potential weaknesses:

I have no idea how this fits into the fact that S3 will be the actual continuation the Neil and Terry planned, as to my knowledge S2 was essentially a “Neil’s chaotic angsty ineffable husbands fanfic”. But clearly S2 has to play well into the plan for S3. I also kind of hate my theory because Crowley specifically declined to be an angel again, and his hand has been forced too often already.

Now I am a staunch advocate of the body-swap theory, and I’m not sure how this would play into that. Does Metatron know? Does he think he has the power to appoint? Does he think the title went to Aziraphale because of the miracle? Does he try to get Crowley to come back with Aziraphale to exploit his power? Does he know about the body swap in S1 and if so, was he trying to trigger another one to get the right “soul” to heaven?

There are a few other things I haven’t figured out how to incorporate into this post yet. I’ll try to put them into coherent thoughts in the next few days, but thought I’d throw this to the wolves universe for the time being.

Thought 1: “How have your lot managed to stay in charge all this time?” “I’m not so sure we have.”

Thought 2: I need to do (another) rewatch before I nail this one down (such a sacrifice I tell you), but does Crowley have a visceral reaction like he does in S1 to being called “good” in the current, post Gabriel-removal timeset? Obv in Edinburgh/Job, but that’s in the past. He denies it, sure (with Jim), but he straight up flashes a smile and thanks Mrs. Sandwich when she says “You’re a good lad” (after the denial).

2.1: No one calls him “good” in present day except these two instances. Vast difference in the visceral reactions of season 1 and flashbacks.

Thought 3: Crowley is the only one who can trigger Jimbriel’s recall memory.

[luvbinnies]

rollercoaster of emotions

sungchan just wanted to go to the amusement park with his two friends, unforunately for him, those two friends are absolutely smitten for each other

Genre: wonbin x Gn!reader. fluff humour. Warnings: mention of piss/pee, sungchan third wheeling. Rollercoasters, swearing (I think), I wrote this in three in the morning 😭 wc: 1.5k

A/n: I won’t be posting anything until probably next year since my last exam is the fourth and I should probably have been studying instead of writing this lol

“Wow I swear this is the most fun I’ve ever had at the park before.” You state as the game worker hands Wonbin the big penguin plush he had won for you.

“Yeah that’s because it’s your first time at the park for fun, and not to be working.” Sungchan replies, tired of all the complaining you do as a worker at the park.

“And you’re not spending half your wallet on stupid plushies.” Wonbin grumbles. “You’re the one with the job, why did I have to pay for your game, just for you to continuously lose.”

He crosses his arms around the toy not letting you have it. “I had to win for you or you would milk out every penny from my pocket.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at your friend in front of you as he frowns with a pouty face and turns the other way pretending to act upset, at least you think he was pretending.

“Bini, I was the reason you got in the park for free because I work here, the least you could do is let me hold my child.” referring to the penguin in his arms, but he still refuses to acknowledge you.

“Fine, let’s go get those animal ear things. I’ll pay for all three of us to make up for it.” You attempt to grab his hands, but really so you can get the toy from him. Wonbin knew what you were trying to do and wasn’t going to just let it happen after he watched you empty out his wallet and repeatedly fail, probably the simplest rigged game at the park.

Causing the two of you to wrestle for the big plushie. Sungchan has to awkwardly stand there as two of his friends who are so obviously smitten for each other fight over a toy like children.

The two of you almost trip when Sungchan barges between you two and captures the fake animal for himself. “Hmm, what to name you? Mr. Peepee pants?”

“What no that’s so stupid-”

“I love it.” You unintentionally speak up as Wonbin was talking.

“Yeah great name.” Wonbin wholeheartedly agrees. Sungchan watches as his friend helplessly simps over you as you start contemplating whether the first name should be ‘Uranus’ or ‘Neon’.

“You know what I think,” Wonbin starts and you give your undivided attention to him. Sungchan knows that you only do that for Wonbin, whether it’s intentional or not, he can see, everyone can see how you are with him. Maybe except you two. Somehow both blind to the other’s admiration.

“I think we should get those animal ear bands, antlers would look great on Sungchan hyung.”

“Yn, it’s not that serious.” Sungchan whines as you take forever in choosing which animal headband would look best on Wonbin.

There weren't any antlers thankfully for Sungchan, so the bear ones were a good second choice. Sungchan had mentioned how’d you look good with the frog eyes one, knowing fully well that Wonbin thinks you look the best in green.

No doubt about it, Wonbin literally said that in his sleep one time.

Wonbin was just staring at you going back and forth between a bunch of different animal bands, both of you too absorbed at what you were doing, not noticing the employees getting annoyed on how much time it is to take to choose a hair accessory.

“I think I got it.” You walk back to the two, biting back a smile holding the band behind you.

“What is it?” Wonbin asks.

“Close your eyes.”

The boy in front of you rolls his eyes but obeys your demand.

You gently place the band on his head with a stupid smile on your face as you admire your best friend, all sungchan can do is groan at the interaction.

You tell him to look and he opens his eyes to see you smiling down at him with a cheeky smile on your face. He thinks you look pretty.

Maybe bro was thinking out loud because you seem kinda startled and confused saying, “Yes you do look pretty, but you didn’t even get to see it yet.” Awkwardly scratching the back of your head.

Wonbin clears his throat with the back of his hand, “Yeah, but I m-meant it like a question. Is it pretty?” Heat rushing through his face as he tries to cover for himself.

“Yeah, pretty. You’re always pretty.”

Sungchan is just standing there watching his two friends awkwardly throwing glances at each other and turning their faces away as if they aren’t right in front of each other in the middle of the store. It’s taking every ounce of his to simply not drive off a cliff.

The awkwardness between the two of you passes when sungchan starts pestering them to go on a ride with him.

It’s kind of always like that with you two, teasing and joking until someone compliments the other on a thing and both the receiver and the one who complimented get flustered over it.

“Isn’t that like the fastest ride in the park?” A terrified Wonbin asks.

“I think I read somewhere that it’s all of Korea.” You mention.

Sungchan knows that everything remotely scary is absolutely frightening to the younger boy and you’re quite the opposite. You have the most irrational fear of pumpkins. Not Jacko lanterns, just pumpkins, claiming they are frightening to simply look at and that you will simply start screaming when in the presence of one.

“Wonbin you don’t have to if you don’t want to, I can just go with yn-”

“No I’ll go. I love rides.” He attempts to say as convincingly as possible.

Which confuses both you and sungchan. “Bini, since when did you like rides? You can barely handle the pirate ship ones.”

“u-uh, it’s I- that ride you guys want to go on, I used to go on it as a kid, it’s just been a while.”

Frowning, not convinced, “Are you sure? You know we don’t have to go if you don’t want-”

He grabs your arm, cutting you off, walking in the direction of the ride. “No, I’m sure.”

Waiting in line wonbin would not let go of your hand, instead of being worried that maybe he was frightened about the whole ride thing, or that people around you might think you two are those annoying couples in amusement park rides who can’t keep their hands off of each other.

You were really distracted at the fact you felt like you were losing circulation in your hand and everytime sungchan said some fact about the ride his grip would just get tighter and tighter, making you want to squeeze sungchan’s neck hard everytime he opens his mouth.

Finally when it was your guys’ turn Wonbin lets go of your hand so he can put your guys’ bags in the boxes. Only for you to realize that you guys were at the end and the cut off was before sungchan, as he was behind the both of you.

Before you could mention it and say that you didn’t mind waiting for the next round. Sungchan had pushed you and when you turned to him he just gave you a quick wink and started making kissy faces.

Rolling your eyes at him, you kind of figured that sungchan knew you might’ve liked your friend without you ever telling him so.

Getting into the seat next to wonbin at the back since they were the only seat available, the minute you touch the seat, wonbin’s hand is on yours all over again. This time it was shaking completely.

“Wonbin, are you sure you want to do this? Sure you went as a kid, but most kids don’t understand the concept of danger and you're shaking badly.”

You stare at him as his eyes are closed, taking in deep breaths slowly. Watching as they start to speed up once the ride starts moving. The best thing you could do is hold his hand in yours.

As the ride starts pulling upwards he speaks up, “You know I never understood as a kid people liked going on scary things like these.”

“Huh? Didn’t you go on this one though?”

“No, I lied.” His voice became eight octaves higher.

“What? Wonbin why?”

“Because I wanted to go with you, I wanted to be with you-” his voice ends his sentence with a shriek when the ride stops at the edge of the highest concave.

His hand was not squeezing badly onto yours and as the ride went down you couldn’t really be scared anymore.

Sungchan got off of his ride with the wind completely messing up his hair and a jump in his step. Walking to the exit, he sees his two friends waiting for him. He sees the two of you still holding hands from before and wonbin’s face hiding in your neck still probably shaken up from the ride.

Now he’s wondering which highway to sleep on tonight.

[dragonmuse]

How to be a Dirtbag Fic Writer

I got to do some talking about writing today and I couldn’t stop thinking about it so here are my full thoughts on the matter of being a dirtbag fic writer.

Being the disorganized thoughts of someone two and a half decades into the beautiful mess that is writing fanfic (and a few non-fanfic things too).

What is a dirtbag fic writer? 

 I am talking about someone who is not cleaning up anything. We show up filthy, fresh out of rooting around in the garden of our imaginations. We probably smell a little from work. We will hand you our hard grown fruits, but we have not washed them and we carried them in the bottom upturned parts of our t-shirts. The fruit is a little bruised. It’s not cut up or put in a bowl yet. But we got it in the house! It’s here. Someone can eat it.  

Why dirtbag it? Because the fruit gets in the house. If you’re hemming and hawing, if the idea you want to do seems to be big or you want it perfect and shiny. If you’re imagining a ten thousand step process, so you’re not taking the first step? Dirtbag it. 

How do I dirtbag? 

That’s the best part. You just write. Sit down. One word after the other. No outline, no plan, no destination. No thought of editing. Just word vomit. Every word is a good word. It’a word that wasn’t there before. Grammar sucks? Who cares. Can’t think of the perfect word? Fuck it, put in the simplest version of what you mean. 

Write the idea that you love. The one thing you want to say. Has it been done 3000000 times? WHO CARES human history is long, every idea has been done, probably more than twice. YOU have never written it before. It’s your grubby potato that you clawed out of the ground and guess what someone can still make it into delicious french fries. 

Now here’s the critical part. Write as much as you can squeeze out of your brain. One word in front of the other. 

And then I challenge you this: at most, read it over once and then put it into the world. Just as it is. AND THIS IS IMPORTANT: DO IT WITHOUT APOLOGY OR CAVEAT.  I challenge you, beautiful dirtbag to not pre-emptively apologize. Do not make your work lesser. THAT IS YOUR POTATO! It has eyes and roots and dirt clinging to it because that is what happens.  We are dirtbagging it today. Hell really confused people at do #dirtbagwriter on it.  

Dirtbag writes id, base, lizard brain. Dig in the fertile garden of your imagination. What is the story you tell yourself before you fall asleep? What’s your anxiety this week? Your fantasy? What is going well? What do you wish things looked like? Who is the feral imaginary character you’ve been crafting to take your frustrations and joys out on? 

But, VEE, I wish to have an editor and an outline, use a cool software like scrivener instead of retching up onto a google doc and making it look NICE and PRETTY!

COOL! DO THAT THEN! IF YOU’RE ACTUALLY DOING IT! You should have a process! That’s cool and healthy and necessary for sustainable writing. But if you’re not writing because all of that seems too much? THEN DON’T. 

Did you know fic is free? That we do this from love? From sheer desire? For the love of the game? If you have a process, and the words are flowing, amazing, I love that for you, you don’t need this essay.  If you don’t, let us continue. 

What does dirtbag writing look like? 

It’s messy. It’s a little raw and tatty around the edges sometimes. It’s weird.  It’s someone else’s first draft. Maybe it winds up being your first draft, Idek, that’s your business. 

It’s jokes that make YOU laugh. It’s drama that would make YOU cry if you read it. You are your first commenter. You are your first audience (and possibly continuing pleasure! If you don’t go back and reread your own work sometimes, you might be missing out on one of your favorite authors cause you wrote it for you! Wait until you’re not so close to it. Years sometimes. Then hey, maybe some of this is pretty dang good actually.) 

It has mistakes. 

Dirtbags make mistakes, but dirtbags have published pieces. They have things other people can read out there. 

What if I don’t get good feedback? 

Look, the most likely outcome of any new, untried fic writer (and even established writers trying something new-ish)  is that you get no feedback. That’s real. Silence. It’s eerie, it’s terrible, it sucks. I don’t want to pretend it doesn’t. But nothing is not negative. It’s a big fic-y ocean out there and we are all wee itty-bitty-sometimes-with-titty fishes.  

You should still do it all over again. And again. And again. You get better at writing by writing. You just do. Nothing else replaces it. If your well is dry? Fill it with new things. Go do something new, read a new kind of book, watch a new film,  (libraries have so much good shit, you don’t even have to spend money for so many things if you have a library card), just go for a walk in a new direction. Stimulate yourself. Got a cup of something hot and eavesdrop on conversations. Refill yourself with newness. 

And hey, speaking of, do you leave comments? Because you get what you give. You can build relationships with people by commenting and that builds community and community means places to get feedback in the end. Comments are gold. They are all we are paid in. Tip your writers with ‘extra kudos’ or ‘this made me laugh’. And hey, when you go back for a re-read so you can tell them your favorite part? Ask yourself how they made that favorite part? What do you like about it?  Tone? Metaphor? The structure? Reading teaches us how to write too! 

BUT, okay. Sometimes. Sometimes there is actual bad feedback and people suck. 

You know the best part about being a dirtbag? Unrepentant block, delete, goodbye. You don’t own anyone with a shitty opinion any of your precious time on this earth. You did it for free, you gave them your dirty, but still delicious fruit and they went ‘ew, this is a dirty strawberry, how could you not make a clean tomato?”  Because you didn’t plant fucking tomatoes, did you? Don’t fight, don’t engage. Block. Delete. Goodbye. 

If someone in person, looked you in the eye when you brought them a plate of food to share at a party and they said “Why didn’t you bring me MY favorite? This isn’t cooked well at all.” You would probably write up a Reddit AiTA question about it just to hear five thousand people say they were an asshole.   Fic is no different 

And hey, when you dirtbag it? You know you did. It’s not your most cleaned up perfect version. So who cares what they think? You might make it more shiny and polished next time! You might NOT. 

Ok, but what if I don’t finish it? 

Fuck it, post it anyway. 

What if it’s bad? 

Fuck it, post it anyway. 

What if it doesn’t make sense? 

That’s ART, baby. Fuck it, post it anyway. 

What if what I want to write doesn’t work with current fandom norms? 

Then someone out there probably needs it!  And what the hell is this? The western canon? FUCK IT POST IT ANYWAY* 

*Basic human decency is not a ‘fandom norm’. Don’t be racist, sexist, ableist, fat shaming, classist or shitty about anyone's identity on main, okay? Dirtbag writers are KIND first and foremost. Someone saying you are stepping into shit about their identity is not the same as unsolicited crappy feedback about pairings. In the immortal words of Kurt Vonnegut: "God damn it, you've got to be kind.”

You’re being very flippant about something that’s scary. 

I know. I know I am. I know it can be scary. But no risk, no reward and hell, you aren’t using your goddamn legal name on the internet are you? (please for the love of fuck do not be using your legal name to write fic) You’ve got on a mask. You’re a superhero. With dirt on your cape. 

That niche thing that you think no one cares about? Guaranteed you will find someone else in the world who wants it. Maybe they won’t find it right away. Maybe they will be too shy to comment or even hit a button. But your dirty potato will stick with them. They will make french fries in their head.

You have an audience. But they can’t find you if you have nothing out there. 

Go forth. Make. 

You have some errors in this essay. 

PROBABLY CAUSE I DIRTBAGGED IT.  But I picked this strawberry for you out of my brain, so I hope you run it under some cold water and find the good bits and have a nice snack. Or throw it away. Or use it to plant more strawberries (I know that’s not how strawberries work, metaphors break when stretched).  

#dirtbagwriter 

Go forth and MAKE

[lovingseventeen]

could you do seventeen reacts to you wanting cuddles? if not everyone then at least hhu?

seventeen reacts to you wanting cuddles: hhu vers. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

a/n: ok i lied about getting my posts out faster BUT i do have a bunch of drafts going on i SWEAR. i think i’m probably continue this as a series for all the other members too don’t fret!. also literally read this ask wrong and accidentally wrote “seventeen wanting cuddles” so i’ll probably do the reverse of this also AA

to the anon who requested this i hope you liked it :)

vu vers. | pu vers.

seungcheol:

◘ literally cannot contain the grin on his face

◘ “cheol come here” you told him, lifting your blanket as an offering

◘ he raises his eyebrows and is literally fighting every urge to immediately cozy up to you

◘ “is someone feeling needy today?” he grins, bending forward to almost level his face with yours

◘ whenever you see his face up close like this you can’t help but feel your stomach flutter with butterflies, but you also can’t let him get so smug (jokingly) so easily

◘ “i can survive without cuddling you, you know” you rolled your eyes, also fighting an urge to just pull him towards you

◘ though just as you were about to flip to face away from him, he’s yanking the blanket up and settling down next to you

◘ he pulls you closer by your waist until your bodies are flush together

◘ “maybe i like it when you’re a little needy” he murmurs into you, his breath tickling your neck

◘ “mmhm” but you turn back around to face him anyway because he’s still cute

wonwoo:

◘ he was playing some game on the tv but just seeing him in the comfiest clothes and glasses gave you an even stronger need to be close to him

◘ you sat on the couch near him, usually used to watching what he was up to

◘ you playfully tapped his leg with your foot, “is it something intense?”

◘ he glanced over to you for a moment before his eyes flickered back to the screen, “not really, why?”

◘ “can i uh, just hug you from behind?”

◘ the small upturn of the corner of his lips made you smile too as he nodded, reaching a hand over to your arm to pull you towards him

◘ “come here”

◘ so you moved to sit with legs on either side of him as you wrapped your arms around his middle, leaning your cheek on his shoulder

◘ frankly you were content with this, feeling his warmth against you while inhaling his comforting scent

◘ you closed your eyes while he hummed along to his game, but within minutes you could feel his hands gently pulling at yours as he shifted so the two of you could lay down instead (he wanted to hold you too) :’)

mingyu:

◘ you literally do not have to ask him twice

◘ i just feel like mingyu would drop maybe 95% of things he could be in the middle of doing just to hold you

◘ already knows what you want just from a simple “gyu..” and a tug on his arm

◘ never teases you for wanting cuddles, if anything this man would indulge you as much as he can

◘ one day he’s going over some emails, maybe reviewing upcoming schedules when you come up behind him to rest your chin on his shoulder and wrap your arms around him

◘ before you can say anything he’s already telling you, “just a minute baby and i’m all yours”

◘ “wait if it’s something important though-” you began, just noticing that he had his email open and knowing he tended to be busy

◘ “it’s okay” he assures you, turning to place a soft kiss on your jaw

◘ as soon as he’s closing his laptop, he takes your hand and pulls you to your room, engulfing you in his broad build, even going so far as to wrap a leg around you

◘ it feels like he’s surrounding you but you’ve really just achieved your goal

◘ you wanted cuddles? damn right he’ll give them to you 😤💗

vernon:

◘ loves it actually, even if his eagerness for cuddles isn’t so obvious

◘ it happens as the two of you are binging your current chosen show and you find yourself shifting from sitting upright to laying on your side

◘ he’s still sitting upright, as he was quite invested in your show. his head turns at the sound of your voice

◘ “can you..?” you begin, motioning for him to lay down with you

◘ “of course” he chuckles, already making his way to hold you from behind

◘ when would he ever deny you?

◘ you snuggle into him as he wraps an arm around your waist, taking its usual a spot in your cuddle sessions

◘ it’s always comforting with vernon and neither of you would have it any other way

[logolepsy-babble]

Casual by Chappell Roan feat. My Real Experiences and the Marauders

James: Hi, everyone. Do you remember the casual trend a while back? Can I have your vote on if they’re casual or not?

Sirius: We’re listening.

James: Was it casual when I told you that you were pretty and you told me I was back?

Mary: James, I don’t understand man affection but as girls that’s the same as offering someone water when you get water.

Sirius: I tell James he’s pretty all the time.

Mary: Yes, but you two are weird.

Peter: I don’t tell other guys they’re pretty.

Mary: Not the point. As a girl, she meant it casual.

James: Was it casual when you sent me good morning messages the moment you woke up and you never understood why you felt urged to?

Marlene: Oh! That’s…

Sirius: Could be romantic, could be platonic. You do you. Continue.

Jason: Was it casual when you wouldn’t let our conversations end and would have me stay just because you loved talking to me?

Everyone pauses.

Mary: …Yes?

Lily: Maybe she felt comfortable enough with you? Familial?

Marlene: (joking) Is it casual when we were in the family zone?

Sirius: Ask my parents.

James: Was it casual when I caught you stalking my account because you accidentally liked a picture?

Peter: It’s not my fault you haven’t been hot in a while.

Remus: That’s a no. Unless she is looking at your account for a friend.

Mary: Or she just met you. I say yes, Remus says no. Keep talking.

James: Was it casual when you started waking up earlier to text me and going to bed the same time as me so you can talk to me immediately?

Marlene: Who the fuck is this about? Merlin, fuck.

Remus: Per my own experience, that is not platonic.

Lily: Who did that to you?

Sirius: Aye aye.

Lily: Why did I ask?

Remus: The Blacks love sending mixed signals.

James clears his throat.

James: Was it casual when I told you I thought you were the sun—I knew the sun and the star were both stars but I thought they were the same type—and you immediately wrote a rebuttal; telling me I instead were the sun because I brought light to you. Telling me I was the sun because I comforted you and helped you see a new view on life? And also educated me, while calling me an idiot, on the types of stars.

Emmeline: It sounds like a Slytherin. Or a Ravenclaw.

Sirius: That’s not what we’re figuring out. That is… not casual.

Mary: …Not casual. If I know anything about comparisons to the moon and stars—

Marlene: Because of them. (points to Remus and Sirius)

Mary: —they are never casual.

James: Was it casual when I told you I liked you and you followed it by telling me I was pretty, so pretty.

Lily: Now I want to figure out who this is.

Emmeline: That— (points at James) —is not? Casual?

Sirius: Mmm not casual.

Mary: Extremely casual.

Marlene: How?

Mary: Well, I imagine the circumstance is James told them ‘I like you!’ and she replied with a simple ‘your hair is pretty nice’ in which James took as ‘you’re pretty.’

Lily: Makes sense…

James: It wasn’t— It was a ‘I fancy you’ which was replied with ‘you’re insufferable.’

Mary: That is not the same as ‘you’re pretty’.

Emmeline: Unless it was a Slytherin. James, was it a Slytherin?

Peter: Don’t tell them, I want to guess this myself. Keep going.

James: Was it casual when you made out with me because I was talking too much?

Marlene: THAT FUCKING ESCALATED!

Remus: No, definitely not.

Sirius: How do you platonically make out with someone?

Marlene: Not fucken like that.

James: That’s it.

Peter: Is this all one person?

James: Yes.

Peter: This year?

James: Yes.

Peter: Is she a Slytherin?

James, hesitating: Yesth?

Peter: The fuck does that mean?

Marlene: How do you not know her Hogwarts house?

James: I know the Hogwarts house.

Lily: Oh! Is he a Slytherin?

James: Yes.

Remus: This feels like we’re playing bloody Guess Who.

Sirius: We are, catch up!

Remus: I meant the muggle game.

Sirius: Is he in the same year?

James, smiling: No.

Peter: Who does James talk to?

Sirius: The Skittles, us, and— is it Rosier?

James, sputtering: NO. No.

Sirius: Okay.

Lily: James, Quidditch or no Quidditch?

James, back to smiling: He does play Quidditch. On the team.

Sirius: Is it… Emma Vanity?

Peter: He said it was a boy, Sirius.

Sirius: I’m just naming random Slytherins I know!

Emmeline: Rude… educated… stars… Slytherin… hangs out with James—oh Godric. Is it…

Emmeline whispers in James’ ear.

James: Yes.

Emmeline: You two? Seriously? The both? Since when? How? He likes people?

James: He dated Crouch Junior in year four?

Marlene: Dated the Ravenclaw prodigy?

Peter: You guessed it? Already?

Emmeline: How long?

James: We’ve dated about a month, I’d say.

Sirius: AND YOU NEVER TOLD US? This better have the more sensical—

Remus&Lily: Not a word.

Sirius: —reason to have been hiding this.

Peter: Rip the band-aid off.

James: Regulus Black.

Sirius: Put the band-aid back on.

[mushimatsu]

choromatsu handwriting post

compiled all of choromatsus handwriting that i could find bc i love him

i realize these were all made by different teams and have different sources (anime/games/webkuji/etc) but there are some similarities between them all and i think its cute. i'll try to make it easier for ppl that cannot read japanese too

(note: some of these may or may not be valid criticisms, im not a native japanese speaker but i got my bachelors in japanese. idk if this means anything to anyone im just pointing out things that im noticing and maybe it will be interesting to you. if you notice anything else interesting feel free to add)

commonalities i noticed:

sometimes will combine multiple character strokes into one (normal thing to do, i've seen some native speakers do this)

with a few exceptions (mt takao for some reason), generally neat handwriting. proper and easy to read. not too big, not too small, not over stylized, but not messy either. very choromatsu

letter in s1e24

very nice handwriting, legible and neat. this is closest to how i think i would picture his handwriting. i know that the staff across different ososan things probably don't care too deeply about keeping minute handwriting details consistent and that's why they're all gonna look different but i like this one best for him.

new years cards in s2e13

very cute, love the stupid drawing of himself. everything very nice and tidy. to me these characters look a much curlier and rounder than the ones in the letter.

for both the letter and the new years cards it looks like he was careful to properly write out all the strokes of the kanji, even for more complicated ones like 緊張 and 就職. we see in mt takao that his handwriting gets a LOT messier. i know the real reason is because it was probably different animators that did his handwriting, but i'm choosing to believe that in canon it's because both of these are more fancy/formal letters addressed to people, whereas the trip guide is just for him and his brothers and doesn't necessarily need to look nice.

also i adore his tendency to add little drawings to things, like this and the mt takao guide he's everything

trip guide from mt. takao s3e8. his handwriting here, for some reason, is exceptionally bad especially compared to everything else. he writes like a little kid and i love his shitty little drawings. he's so cute.

my teachers would always correct my kanji down to the tiniest strokes, if i wrote like this is class i would get scolded so bad. you can see him combining his strokes together for 記念撮影, this will continue for the other pictures too. cute detail imo

the 昼 in 昼食 is definitely written wrong, but the second kanji 食 might be a little nitpicky. technically that bottom part is three different strokes, not two crossed over each other

more of him combining the strokes together. i wouldn't necessarily say that's wrong, since i've seen people do that before; it's probably just a habit that happens over time. i do it in english too

HOWEVER, he did write the 日 radical in 撮影 wrong here. previously, i thought he was just combining strokes again so that it looked like three lines instead of two (note 3 and 4 are two parallel lines, he just didn't lift his pen up)

but when you look at this it's clear that he very much did write three lines this time. that's the wrong radical

anyway

another example of him writing a two stroke character with just one. again, this is fine, ive seen people write their characters like this. however it looks bad when he does it here

i love how he wrote "campfire" i love how for some reason he didn't keep the letter sizing consistent or straight. also his little campfire drawing

１９時

キャンプ

ファイヤー

also there's two ways to write そ, its just a matter of choice its not important but he writes it the second way. and he messed up a kanji again

these next ones are maybe less canon cause they're not from the show itself

Airport Matsu

very tidy, combines a couple strokes together. both 松 (matsu) characters look like he combines the last two strokes together instead of writing them as two separate ones

and he does a similar thing with the right half of 野 in Matsuno

nostalgic moments webkuji

this one he writes every stroke and doesn't combine them and that's probably because different people worked on these and the tiny details like this don't matter to anyone but me. or you could say that he wrote a little neater in high school and started simplifying things as he got older.

Rock School

he drew himself again lol

i think his handwriting looks very good here actually. idk how to describe it but i like when handwriting looks like this specific way in japanese. i've seen other people that have handwriting like this and it just looks so nice. like the characters seem to vary in size, but somehow it makes it a little easier to read imo?

like in the first bullet point (underlined in yellow), the す in 多すぎる is a little big, but like it looks nice. in the second bullet point (blue), the の in 世の中 is slightly smaller but it emphasizes the kanji on either side of it. the stroke on the side of the か characters are written a little longer than usual (red). like it just looks nice, everything is shaped really nice and whenever i see people that have this handwriting i always try to emulate it lol

Neetpro

this one is a bit messier than the others. the way he wrote チョロ just doesn't look as nice as the way he wrote it in airport matsu and nostalgic moments. the way the て is written is more curved compared to the others. also the 界 kanji (blue) is written in a way that looks weird to me, and kara from this same set also writes the kanji that way so i think the same person might have written all of them lol

also interesting is that he writes き differently in this one

i was told by one of my professors that you're supposed to write さ and き with the upper and lower parts disconnected when writing by hand. it's only in text that they're connected. but i've still seen some people write them in the connected way

in all the other examples, choromatsu doesn't write them connected like that, just this one.

sukiya app

my lovely boy and his nonsense words and lies. the handwriting here comes off as very cutesy to me, at least compared to the others. some of the ways he writes, especially any box-like shape, seems round in a way. he also connects the right half of 野 again.

overall writes very neatly, altho a lot of the kanji here seems like its very big on the top and smaller on the bottom, and a lot of the letters seem more rounded. all the other examples just feel like the writing is a bit more angular, with the exception of the new years cards.

extra: coloring book

the way he wrote his name here is messier than the other examples. i like that he added little commentary on his own coloring though ("looks good!" "the tail was black too i believe") maybe he colored this with a paintbrush????? the strokes look as if he was trying to write quickly with a brush as if it was a pen. so maybe that's why its a little messier

anyway thanks for reading. i love choromatsu

[allaboutnayeli]

the biggest bully ever ( selma bacha x reader )

prompt: your girlfriend is probably the biggest bully in your life (lovingly)

author notes: i wrote this just because i saw a video of selma jumping up and kicking someone in the face. i just know she is like a bad ass little kid. (also i love her so..)

selma prides herself on being your biggest supporter. always finding some time in her schedule to come see your games with paris saint german. proudly wearing your jersey while yelling as loud as she can in the stands and of course making sure to take a few pictures for the gram after the game is done. posting with a cheeky caption of, just met my favorite player ever! what a legend. however, you know first hand that this is just a cover up for how much of bully she really is.

in the privacy of your apartment or hers, she is the complete opposite. especially when you two are playing a game together even if it isn't a competitive game. making it even more laughable.

it was a nice sunday evening when you forced (selma knows she loves playing the game. she just won't admit it) your girlfriend to play minecraft with you. now if she thought you were going to be fighting zombies, creepers, and spiders. well she would be totally wrong. that would her job while you spend your minecraft time building a nice farm and house for the two of you to stay in.

"it's domestic! i'm like your little pixel housewife" you say as you continue to focus on working on the garden you were building. selma smacks her lips, "it's not domestic. just unfair! i don't wanna be the only one fighting off these dudes."

on her screen, selma was actively battling off a creeper. almost throwing her controller in frustration as the creeper blows up and creates another hole in the ground. she pushes you slightly, but just enough that you put down a block you weren't going to. "stop being childish and go kill some cows for me, dumbie" you say as you delete the block. giving selma a quick sight of you sticking out your tongue before going back to finishing up the veggies part of the garden. your girlfriend rolls her eyes, going back to fighting off a zombie to reach a few cows in the field behind it.

instead of getting some cow meat like you asked, selma runs away from the zombie. bringing it and other mobs along to you two's house. she smirks in revenge as she brings the mobs straight to you. you shout in surprise as the mobs surround you. "babe, help me! why would you.." you say as you try to fight them off. giving selma a nice punch on the shoulder once you were finally succumbed to the mobs and died. "that's what i said earlier, but you didn't come to help your absolutely amazing girlfriend, so you had to die" selma shrugs. acting nonchalant until the mob of mobs started to surround her. she manages to kill off a few, but end up dead just like you.

you laugh loudly as you push her shoulder using yours. she glares at you, frowning. "i'm totally killing you myself next time. less effort" selma says before standing up and heading to the kitchen for something to calm her frustration. you still got the last laugh though.

the french player can also be the biggest bully when it came to your games. whether you win or lose, she is always there to make a few snarky comments about your defense or how you let the ball pass you too many times. it was even worse if you two went against eachother.

it was one of the biggest games of the year for the division 1 league; paris saint germain vs lyon. your girlfriend and you were set to both play this match. the playful banter between you two the day before the game fueled the competitive spirit in you. selma was always competitive and ready to do whatever she needed to make sure lyon scored a win.

"ready to lose, babe?" selma says as she stands next to you in the tunnel. you roll your eyes before shrugging, "we'll see." the sound of the crowd ramps up you two's competitiveness as the two teams walk out onto the pitch.

the game goes off well for paris saint germain at first. with ramona scoring a goal for your team. however, despite your team's great defense, lyon was still able to score three goals. the game ends in disappointment with a lost of three to one. you groan out in frustration as you look at your teammates. the lost was a bit of sting just because paris saint germain needed the win, but also because you knew selma would never let you live this down.

after the game and lyon's celebration finally dying down, selma finally texts you; told you that I was gonna win. the text makes you roll your eyes. you message back, shut your mouth for two seconds please.

you two text back and forth. with alot of bragging from selma and tons of insults from you. eventually selma does stop her bragging, messaging you, but truly don't worry bae. you did well I swear. the message makes you smile as you lean your head against the bus window. thank you, baby. congrats on the win even if ... undeserved. after sending that text you shut your phone off and let the tiredness from the match catch up to you. letting yourself slowly fall asleep. knowing good and well your phone will be full of selma going back to being a bully.

[bengiyo]

BL 2023 Review

I wasn’t sure how I wanted to write about BL for this year. I was originally going to do a The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly framework for it, but that feels meaner than I actually am about it. Instead, I think I’ll just write out some sections and unpack some things I felt along the way.

I Watched Too Much Again

Last year I engaged with about 92 productions around the world. This year it was 99 (I tracked stuff I completed here). Sure I dropped 18 of them this year, but goddamn. The problem with watching as much as I did this year is that I worked full time this year and also maintained a separate hobby. I also continued my twice-weekly watch sessions with my friend Emily, so there are an additional 100-ish watch sessions in here of rewatching, plus a few other rewatches (Theory of Love and My Ride most notably).

One of my struggles at this point is I’m far too familiar with the genre, and find myself feeling impatient and irritable with shows that aren’t to my taste the way I used to. Throughout the late summer and fall I found myself increasingly grumpier about the genre, and it didn’t get better until I had a holiday and basically slept a day to get some energy back. I also found myself growing apart from fans I’ve known and followed a long time. It’s been a difficult year for me as a long-time fan because my tastes, habits, and friendships in the genre have changed even if the amount I watch hasn’t really.

I Wrote a Lot This Year

I recently converted my watch tag away from my gaming internet persona to just my shortname, so all near-1000 of my Stray Thoughts posts can be found under #ben watches now. I’ve also been going back and adding #ben writes to some of the standalone pieces that I really liked. In reviewing them, the pieces I’m happiest about are my ode to Framboise from Kabe Koji Nekoyashiki-kun Desires to Be Recognized, my post begging everyone to watch La Pluie, my post about what it means to actually like queer men, my SBS ep 10 post that ended up being wrong, my post about the Lavender Scare and Be My Favorite, my Tokyo in April is… post about the breaking of the BL line,

However, the two posts I am most proud of is my half-joking response about why I think tagging each other back and forth across Tumblr in our writing is so important. and The Knowing: Being Queer in BL because I had so much great conversations with folks as a result of both of these posts.

Looking back at my own blog, this is probably the most active I’ve been in my entire time on this website, so thank you to everyone who interacted with me this year, because it really is people talking to me that gets me most inspired to write things down. Big shout out to @lurkingshan who will bug me repeatedly until I blog something that I said in passing.

We Started a Podcast!

After hanging out with @shortpplfedup since Bad Buddy, she got inspired and really wanted to bring something different to the BL podcasting sphere. I had time, and liked talking with her enough, so we started @the-conversation-pod. Now we’re a full year into it and planning out future stuff. It’s been so much fun being able to get things off my soul and break poor NiNi in our recording sessions.

From this year, I think my favorite episodes we did were The Moonlight Chicken Episode, the Eighth Sense episode, the ITSAY Anniversary Episodes,  The Wedding Plan episode, , and The Holiday Clip Show. Huge shout out to @ginnymoonbeam for anchoring the transcription process, and @lurkingshan for editing.

The VIIB Awards will begin airing soontm so look forward to that.

Favorite New Term: Business Gay Performance

Let’s be clear, Bump Up Business is not good. It is an obvious BL cash grab from OnlyOneOf that seeks to comment on the fake nature of BL while doing everything it can to trick the audience into believing that the BL pair is real.

Before we got deeper into this year, I was a big fan of a certain pairing, and then their fans took it too far and it affected the way I engaged with their performances and their work. I like that we have a new term for “fanservice” that communicates that you understand that this is for work. (thanks to NiNi for this comparison) I can look at the latest behind the scenes video from Last Twilight and say that I think Sea really understands the work they’re doing, and he and Jimmy have a very relaxed and mature version of BGP without feeling like I’m feeding into shipping.

Do I think they’re dating? No. Do I like the way they fake it? Absolutely!

I can look at one of @respectthepetty posts about Yin and War having personalized, color-coded mics, and we can talk about the next level BGP between the two and both communicate that we know that this is a performance.

It actually makes the extra PR work fun for me again, because now I can just shout “BGP! BGP! BGP!” and it not feel like I’m giving myself brainrot.

Thai BL Needs to Finish Stronger Next Year

Let’s get into some of the show stuff. This year was defined for me by Thai BL starting strong with good premises and then squandering them by not focusing on the details that mattered or leaning into baseless melodrama. Time for some reads. Some of these shows were generally good, but they failed at these things:

609 Bedtime Story: The world building crumpled in the back half and both endings are flat.

A Boss and a Babe: Cher is a pro gamer who worked for a gaming company and there was no plot point about this at all, or collaboration between the two groups.

Bake Me Please: Why was a show about cake so lacking in flavor?

Be Mine SuperStar: You had a real opportunity to explore a fan and idol romance and had Punn show so little growth. I hope the footage of First’s range is helpful now that Ja is out of BL.

Be My Favorite: You redid that whole amusement park date and muddled so much of what the hell happened on that day.

Between Us: You had years to make this interesting. Why are there five pairs and why is the end of this a JC Penny catalog photoshoot?

Dangerous Romance: What the fuck happened to the Sailom we had in episode 1 and 2 before that gun incident?

Hidden Agenda: Tee, what the hell was this? Twelve weeks of this?

I Feel You Linger in the Air: You may be the most beautiful show, with some of the most impressive performances of the year, but you absolutely botched this ending. Finish the goddamn season next time.

Love in Translation: I love you, but that whole kidnapping plot was so stupid at the end.

Low Frequency: I like your OST. That's about it.

My Dear Gangster Oppa: No examination about how gaming friendships become close quickly because of the combination of anonymity and teamwork (shout out to @twig-tea for this excellent summation).

My School President: Saving your gay commentary for the final episode felt like a conservative choice. I want more from you next time.

Naughty Babe: You retconned your own characters to tell a worse story. Unforgiveable.

Never Let Me Go: You didn’t know if you wanted to be a high school BL or a mafia story. It was difficult to watch.

Only Friends: I cannot believe you did Boston like that at the end. Either give Force’s character a clear personality next time, or keep him enigmatic; half measures make him and Book look worse. Sand was absolutely embarrassing. Boeing was a waste. Ending on all of them paired like that felt so unearned.

Step By Step: You forgot to ground Jeng’s external dreams at the end, so the final two episodes are just frustrating.

I’m glad I got that off my chest. We can go into the next year now.

Korea Put in the Work This Year

I really like the efforts from the various Korean studios this year. I really hope we get a Strongberry joint next year, but I want to acknowledge that we had 18 Korean BL dramas I watched this year, and at least three of them I think are must watches: Our Dating Sim, Sing My Crush, and The Eighth Sense. Beyond that, I think Love Tractor, Unintentional Love Story, and A Breeze of Love are easy recommendations.

It’s really impressive how the complaint for me this year with Korean BL is not about them using their time poorly. It’s more about normal drama concerns, where I think characterization is a little weak, or a theme doesn’t land squarely. This rapid iteration from the Korean studios is really impressive to watch, and I’m excited to see what some of the recognized players do next year.

Taiwan and The Philippines Have Been Quiet for Me

I wasn’t really able to connect with much from the Philippines this year except for The Day I Loved You. I never wrote about The Day I Loved You, but this beautiful and heart wrenching show is one of my favorites from this year. I wasn’t too keen on the Oxin Films offerings of this year, and I’m still chasing down the ones from The IdeaFirst Company.

As for Taiwan, this new BL project from the end of the year just isn’t hitting. Kiseki: Dear to Me also ended up really hurting me with the way they used Wayne Song and Huang Chun Chih. I love that angry little man with the white hair, but I’m still salty about Wayne and the general mess of that show.

Japan was Busy This Year

I watched 16 new shows, a few older ones, and a few movies this year from Japan. We haven’t gotten this much from them ever. I continue to love the Drama Shower project from MBS, and my beloved What Did You Eat Yesterday? returned this year. We had pretty stellar outings with Our Dining Table, If It’s With You, and I Cannot Reach You.

I think a third of the Japanese BL I’ve tracked on MDL actually released this year. That’s huge.

Still, I am going to side eye Minato’s Laundromat 2. You were the show that let me down the most this entire year. More than Only Friends, more than Step By Step, and even more than Kiseki. You absolutely blew it. You were telling a great story about a man with an acute case of internalized homophobia coming out of his shell and learning to love his younger partner and you blew it for stupid amnesia nonsense. I will never forgive you for this.

Where Were All the Uncles This Year?

Really, without Jim from Moonlight Chicken, and without the men from What Did You Eat Yesterday? we had an alarming dearth of older gay characters passing on knowledge and wisdom to the youngsters this year. What the hell happened?

Rare Dynamics Won: Second Chance Romance and Friends to Lovers!

We had so much second chance romance this year. It’s really my favorite version of gay romance because gays don’t always have ideal settings when they’re young. We had Our Dating Sim, Individual Circumstances, Jun & Jun, The End of the World With You, Tokyo in April is…, Be My Favorite, Love Class Season 2, and A Breeze of Love. I am satisfied.

Friends to Lovers is actually so rare in romance and we have so many to choose from this year! The best examples are I Cannot Reach You and Sing My Crush, but we also have one of the pairs in Love Class Season 2.

Gay Thoughts

I had a couple of ongoing thoughts this year about queerness in BL.

First, I want to return to my post about Sing My Crush and La Pluie, and how I assert that Men Need to Be Angry Sometimes. More than giving men grace to be righteously angry or upset about things, along with letting them express it in ugly ways, I really want to get into how we engage with these shows. I will stop engaging with moralistic reads on characters in 2024. I will no longer engage with asks, reblogs, or meta gripping the fandom where we're judging the moral fiber of the character.

The question that really only matters for me at this point is: Is this act from the character justified from their characterization, the narrative, or genre conventions; and is it interesting? Whether or not the character is good or bad reeks of the lame arguments about good and bad representation, and I am not watching BL like I’m being graded in Sunday school.

The second thing I really want to acknowledge at the end of the year is that the gay sex is finally getting better again. I watched The Novelist this year, and we have taken so long to get back to the space that show took us on the portrayal of male-male intimacy. We are in the genre about people with dicks. It should feel like it. There should be a masculine component there that feels specific to queer intimacy.

I will acknowledge 2 Cutie 2 Pie, A Boss and a Babe, Be Mine SuperStar, Bed Friend, Candy Color Paradox, For Him, I Cannot Reach You, Kiseki: Dear to Me, La Pluie, Love Class 2, Love in Translation, Love Mate, Middleman’s Love, Naughty Babe, Only Friends, The End of the World With You, Tokyo in April is…, and Wedding Plan for your contributions.

Final Thoughts

I like how broad the genre felt this year, and I enjoyed how much speculative fiction is entering into the conversation. I don’t know how I feel about there being five vampire stories in the works next year, but overall I’m glad that we’re getting more experimental concepts. I’m burnt out on the college engineering BL, and would like to see more shows about working adults.

Despite how grumpy I was for at least three months, I think this has genuinely been one of the best years we’ve ever had in the genre. I made a lot of new friends in BL this year, and I’m excited to see what comes next. Thank you all for spending some of your time with me this year and I’ll see you in the next one.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for trying to play matchmaker? for context, this all happened months ago but is coming back now. about halfway through my (18F) senior year of high school, my friend L (also 18F) started crushing on a boy she sat with in math class (18M). she only admitted it to me and the rest of our friend group after we begged her to tell us who she liked for weeks, but in hindsight, it was sort of obvious she really likes him. i have a lot of candid pics on my phone of her glancing over at him during class when she wasn't paying attention but that's beside the point. she wasn't making any moves at all to let him know how she felt and start going out with him, so after a while, we decided to give her a little push. we encouraged her, made subtle hints towards him that someone in class had a crush on him, and when that still wasn't enough, i wrote a love letter for her to sign and give to him. it was easy. prom was a couple of months away by that point and if she was going to struggle so hard to find the words, it made sense for her to just give him a note telling him what she wanted to say. but still, L was stubborn and continued to claim that she wasn't interested in dating at all. apparently she didn't like him *that* much and she was happy just being friends with him (not very convincing when she was constantly making googly eyes at him). she's always been shy, though, and if she doesn't get out of her shell, she's never going to survive in college. for more motivation, i gave her a time limit: if she didn't sign her love letter and give it to him within two weeks, i was going to go up to him and tell him that she liked him. the time game and on the final day, she told me she did it. i trusted her even though she was acting suspicious (barely speaking to him, practically running out of the class they shared together that day, avoiding the friend group for most of the day) but i found out after talking to him later that she lied to me and actually threw the note away. when i confronted her the next day, she apologized and told me that she was terrified i would actually tell him about her crush (i was joking about that, and it hurt that she didn't trust me). out of spite, she ended up asking out one of her childhood friends to prom as her platonic date just so she could say "oh no, sorry, but i already have a date" whenever we tried to help her get with her crush in the future. prom and graduation passed, and the two of them haven't talked much since. i thought this whole situation was over with, but recently, L has been avoiding all of us and makes excuses to not hang out with us. we only have so much time together before she moves out of state for college, so i got a mutual friend to check on her and see what's up. apparently, L's still holding a grudge about how we tried to set her up with the boy. she claims that she was so stressed out for all of senior year that she started getting constant nightmares because of us, and she's upset we never respected her boundaries. however, i think that she's overexaggerating. if it was that serious, she knows that she can always just talk to us instead of keeping it all in so she can make me out to be the bad guy to other people. besides, we were doing what was best for her. he was the first guy she's ever had a crush on, and L has a history of letting her shyness get the better of her. i didn't want her to miss out on this opportunity to be happy, and if she just took our advice instead of acting childish, i'm sure she would have thanked us. i reached out to tell her i'm sorry if she thought i was being too pushy, but it's been days and she still hasn't replied to me. aita?

What are these acronyms?

[theheirofthesharingan]

If you could change ANYTHING in Naruto (the series not the mc) what would it be?

Would you also give it a diffrent name? (I'm personally tired of having to clatify wether I'm talking about Uzumaki Naruto or his show, srsly kishimoto is so creative he could've came up with a better name😭)

I'm going to sound very predictable, but it'll have to do something with Itachi.

Rant Time.

I love Itachi and I love that Koshimoto wrote him, but it doesn't stop infuriating me that he doesn't treat Itachi as a person. Itachi is a freaking tool he uses to further Sasuke's arc. Literally every single information about Itachi is given to us to fuel Sasuke's plot and then unite him with Naruto eventually. Itachi has no relevance outside of that in the story. Some other minor characters are given more importance than him.

If I could change one thing, I would write Itachi as a person. Like, giving more flashbacks of Itachi through Kisame (who has no reason to lie and his interaction with Itachi would tell us a lot more about Itachi than anything else). There's a reason a lot of people don't understand what Itachi was going through, and it shows in the way they write him. He was only an obstacle to Sasuke, so his own trauma doesn't deserve to be explored, right? While analysing any other character, people would take their experiences into account to talk about them. But for Itachi, only Sasuke's experiences are taken into account because Itachi's trauma and his experiences don't matter in the process of shaping him.

Most of the fandom doesn't care about Itachi beyond using him as a tool for their powerscaling games. So, his trauma goes unnoticed and unexplored. The biggest reason is that he is only ever presented as someone who triggers reactions in Sasuke, instead of someone who has his own fears, insecurities, trauma, and pains.

Imagine canon treating Itachi as a human?

He collapses when he thinks about his parents and his brother. He can't walk properly when he's sick and he is delirious due to the pain his illness is causing him. The days when his medicines can't help him because the pain is too much. Or when he is too vulnerable that even Kisame notices it and leaves him be, because Kisame doesn't know how else to comfort him. Or when Kisame slowly accepts that death would be the best thing to happen to his partner because Itachi has endured too much. When Kisame sees the signs of humanity in him, but chooses to not voice them, because Itachi doesn't want his secrets to be out. Only Kisame could have seen the signs of the real Itachi. More than Sasuke, more than Obito and Hiruzen. But Koshimoto doesn't want us to know the real Itachi because that won't help Sasuke's plot.

Canon mostly avoids showing Itachi's softness unless it's useful for Sasuke's story. Itachi was crying after traumatizing and before leaving him? It's to show Sasuke believes Tobi's story. The entire flashback of Itachi before his goodbye? To drive Sasuke away from the path of destruction of Konoha.

None of his scenes are meant to show Itachi as a human for Itachi's sake. I find it baffling.

I get it, though, that before the massacre, giving away too many of such hints would be stupid, but why not show more of him afterwards? It's not like Sasuke and Kisame did not meet or interact. There could have been other ways to show us Itachi was more than what we believed about him before we learned his truth. But no. Once he's dead, he's dead.

After Asuma dies, there's an entire episode about Shikamaru mourning his death with flashbacks. After Jiraiya dies, there's an entire episode (or there are two?) exploring his and Naruto's relationship as well. But Itachi's death is done and dusted in just one episode along with the reveal, because we need Sasuke to destroy the village and continue the story of Naruto and Sasuke? There's only one flashback. Just one.

The databook do a better job at it (written by Koshimoto or his assistants who know the details about the characters). They present Itachi as a kind and soft child who was tragically dragged into the political mess and was too sensitive to be a part of it. Then why not write him in the story as well that way?

Honestly, it's frustrating. More so because I see takes on him as if people can't read manga, yet want to offer their opinions that barely scratch the surface when they're talking about Itachi. I want more surface level information on Itachi that people can't find excuses to with "this isn't canon" for Itachi while defending and justifying other characters with the same thing.

To answer the last part of your question, I really don't mind the name 'Naruto'. Or I don't care, haha.

[justmeinadaze]

"I'm Just a F**ked Up Girl Looking For Her Own Peace of Mind"

I'm currently experience this and struggling with it so I wrote a little thing here. *sighs*

TW: Mental health (anxiety and depression), child abuse, mentions of suicidal thoughts. Reader has a breakdown and the guys help her through.

Eddie firmly barreled open the front door as he powerwalked into the house. Steve had texted those two words he dreaded every time he got a text from the former jock. 

“Bad day.”

When they started dating you, you told them about your past. About the hospital stay and medication… the depressive lows and manic anxiety episodes… the thoughts that pushed through your head from time to time even though your life was so much better now than where it had been. 

“I’m not…easy…to be with.”

“That’s ok, honey, neither are we.”

You three had laughed at that at the time. 

The first time they experienced it broke their hearts for you. People always mentioned “feeling depressed” or “oh I’m so anxious about this thing!” but they discovered the true meaning of those words during your first break in front of them.

They hadn’t moved in with you yet so you were able to hide the fact that you hadn’t been sleeping. Your mind constantly reminding you of things that needed to be done and how you were a failure for not doing them. Nightmares plagued your dreams at all hours so you just gave up, scrolling through your phone instead as the mental illness continued to whisper.

“Do better. You’re lazy. May as well just get it over with and end the burden you put on people.”

That following evening you had a date night with them at their place and you couldn’t cancel. You genuinely wanted to see them but you were so tired…

“A good girlfriend goes out on dates. Go ahead. Cancel. Let’s see how quick they leave you for someone better.”

Through the first half of the movie they put on, your leg never stopped moving. Steve watched as your eyes never stayed focus in one place. Eddie felt your erratic energy radiate off you as you switched from holding his hand to letting go every few minutes. 

“Baby? Is everything ok?”

“Yeah.”, you responded a bit too enthusiastically. “Yeah, Ed, I’m fine. I’m just…I’m just a bit tired. It’s ok. I’ll get over it.”

Steve paused the film and as his hand petted your head you broke down. 

“I’m sorry. Fuck! Why can’t I be normal?! I’m ruining everything. You should just leave me and find someone better.”

“Hey, hey. No. Sweetheart, no one is better than you.”

“Talk to us, honey. What’s going on?”

You sobbed as you told them what had been happening over the last few days. The listened intently, comforting you anyway they could think of in that moment. 

“They don’t go away, Steve. Those thoughts never go away. Most days I can manage them but they are always there. W-Who can I tell? If I tell a therapist or a doctor they will put me back in the hospital even though I’m not going to do anything… I can’t tell my friends because I feel like I’m burdening them or they just don’t care. I can’t tell people in general because then I’m being ‘overdramatic’. I can’t take time to heal because I’m supposed to ‘suck it up’. So I do… Eddie, I want my brain to just stop telling me I want to die because I really don’t. Some days, though, on bad days…it’s so loud…”

The metalhead yanked you to his chest as you cried, crying with you as he tightened his grip as if he could squeeze all your broken pieces back together. He’d give anything to take your pain away, they both would. 

Today was a manic day and Steve picked up on it fast. Today was his day off and as soon as you woke up, you barely said a word. He asked you if you wanted breakfast and you shot him an angry look as you walked away. Turning on the tv, he put on the game but after a few minutes you came around the corner snapping at him to turn the noise down. Even when he muted the sound, he could hear you growling and swearing under your breath as you moved around the bedroom. 

Other people would see it as you being a brat; causing drama for the sake of drama. 

You wished you could make the world understand that was the opposite of what you wanted. In an episode like this everything was just…amplified…and for some reason your brain insisted it was on purpose. Steve was purposely turning up the volume to get under skin. The birds chirping outside knew you were on the edge so they gathered outside your window with intent. Even the clock on the bed side table was mocking you. 

Both men tried to handle days like this by themselves but when it got to a certain point, they knew they needed to come together to help you. That point came when you abruptly screamed and threw something hard against the wall. 

When Eddie entered the bedroom, Steve was off to the side watching you as you angrily paced, fluttering your fingers with eyes squeezed tightly closed. 

“What happened?”

Your eyes open at the sound of his voice as you shrugged and threw your hands in the air. 

“What happened? What the fuck happened?! Oh, I don’t know. Where do we start, Eddie?! This house is a fucking mess. I tell you guys all the time I need fucking help! I’m not a maid! I’m your girlfriend! But who fucking cares right?! We can just live in trash and be unhappy!”

They knew better than to respond. Before you three moved in together, you had suggested they come to therapy with you and they were surprised with some of the things they learned. They and even you knew they were more than accommodating when it came to housework and splitting household chores. When you were growing up, however, it was never enough.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, look at this mess! Did you do anything today?!”

Little you looked around at the immaculate living room wondering what else you could have missed. 

“I work and I slave all day at a job I hate so you can have food and a roof! The least you could do is fucking get off your ass and clean a bit!”

“I-I’m sorry, mama.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just do your job! We’re a team remember? I need you to pull your weight.”

They could almost see interactions like that replaying through your eyes and it killed them. They also saw how fast the logic brain took over as you realized what you were doing before the depressive brain abruptly took over.

“I’m sorry. I-I don’t mean to… I know I’m being crazy…I just…” You lean your back against the wall and slide to the floor with your hands over your ears. 

Both men descend with you, crawling closer to you and as soon as Steve’s hand touches your bicep you head shoots up with eyes full of tears. 

“I’m sorry. You two don’t deserve this. I’m a terrible girlfriend.”

“No, baby, you’re not terrible. Everything’s ok.”

“I-I-I appreciate…e-e-every…everything you guys do. Fuck. Everything is so loud, Eddie. I can’t… I couldn’t…I just wanted to scream…”

“Then scream.” You laughed at his response as you wiped your eyes but he insisted. “I’m serious, sweetheart. Just let go.”

“What about…about the neighbors?”

“Like they don’t get an earful almost every night.”, he jokes, grinning when you laugh again. “Go ahead. Just lean back and let loose.”

You roll your eyes as you do what he says but it’s a small shout that barely echoes in the room. 

“Wow. That was both adorable and pathetic. Come on now. Steve, why don’t you try?”

Chuckling, he struggles to stop smiling making you giggle harder before finally closing his eyes and letting out a good scream that makes the metalhead clap. 

“That’s the king of Hawkins right there! Now try again princess.”

Sighing at his antics, you do as he says actually letting go while they scrunch their face and cover their ears. 

“Woo! That was like Banshee from X-Men! Way to go!”

“What about you, nerd?”, you ask as he smirks.

Eddie doesn’t even hesitate as he leans his head back and howls loudly like a wolf. 

“I love you both.”, you softly grin as you reach for both boy’s hands. “I’m sorry for being…me.”

Wrapping his arms around your shoulders, Steve tilts you closer to him and kisses the top of your head. 

“Don’t ever apologize for being you, honey. We love you. Every part of you.”

“We know everyday you’re trying, baby. Unlike your mother who insists on being an evil little gremlin.” You giggle at Eddie’s interpretation. “Like your wizard of a therapist said, healing takes time and we’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“Jesus, Munson, you ARE a nerd.”, Steve jests. “But the other stuff he said I agree with.”

“Oh please! Tell me her doctor doesn’t sound like Gandalf from time to time.”

“I still have no idea who that is.”

After rising to his feet, the metalhead grabs your hands and pulls you off the floor. 

“Well, I know what we’re doing tonight.”, he announces with a mischievous smirk before kissing your lips and running back towards the living room. 

“I’ll make dinner.”, Steve murmurs as he leans down to kiss your lips as well. 

“Oh, you know he won’t allow that. He’s going to want you in front of the tv so you don’t miss anything.”

“True. Hm. How about Enzos delivered?”

When you nod, he caresses your cheek before disappearing after his friend. 

As your eyes glance around the room again everything seems different than it did before. Instead of seeing a mess ridden, dark empty area, you saw a bright room filled with memories of the men you loved making you laugh and feel loved unconditionally. 

“But for how long? It’s only a matter of time.”

“No, it’s not.”, you whisper. 

Taking a deep breath, you head towards the living room where Eddie and Steve greet you with a comforting smile. 

[chevvy-yates]

Sending out kudos to everyone who has shown their love towards Ryder for the past two years.

I love u all very much and every engagement, be it even just a like, means a lot to me.

I've intended to sorta make a cool post of some older vp of him as of today, September 17th, exactly 2 years ago I have created Ryder,— back then as a supposed supportive character for Vijay, very unsure if I would like him as Ry didn't visually turn out as I wanted him to be in the first place and he never went that way either afterwards — yet I find myself writing those lines instead.

I've accepted his look and his imperfection started to grow on me with each picture I took of him. Unlike my other ocs he went his own way leading me along to discover his personality. That's what makes him so different compared to my other blorbos and has me so attached to him.

I did not plan to make him a raver (he was supposed to become an 80s goth punk, a total different style than he's got now) neither that he would end up with a rogue AI controlling him. Only his name, basic info and the toxic family story was planned right from the beginning but that's pretty much it – Ryder showed me the rest of it.

Within the year 2023 I noticed more and more that Ryder has slowly but surly turned out to be my main character.

He turned out to be the most expressive and photogenic one of them all. I don't see him as the prettiest looking either yet he's my most precious and I love every pixel about him.

He's the one thing in my life I am actually truly 100% proud of.

Almost all my ocs exist because of him. They are his support characters. Without him half of them would not even exist. There would be no Thyjs. Even Garnet exists so Ry can live out his passion (that was not really put into the game but exists as lore: Technoise).

I am beyond happy to have created him.

He helps me in a lot of rather personal ways too I do not need to address here.

I got so much to tell about him (also about my other ocs) yet idk if I should continue or not as I find myself stuck with overthinking about it bc of lack of public response literally everywhere (this excludes private chat talks with close friends). Maybe Ryder's too intimidating (not the first time I would read that), his lore gets overlooked easily, or it's to much (confusing) text.

I cannot make anyone force-like him. Tastes are different. Minority is into others oc lore. Less time to read it all. The list is long. I'm aware of it all.

But I cannot underline it enough: do never hesitate to ask me questions about him. He's on my mind 24/7 and my biggest wish is to get this story out and done some day (whenever it will be) and receive some actual feedback on it what was liked.

Just a tiny detail is enough. <3

Another wish I have ever since I joined the CP77 fandom: that people would go back to comment each other more. We all do have little time for it, we all think "oh no so much text to read", we all are in our own bubbles rarley coming out to explore another bubble within this universe. It takes a lot of effort to do. people do seem scared on top to write anything at all for numerous reasons. I have all those problems as well. But I try to sit down and read the one or other lore chunk others wrote down and give a tiny comment as best as I can to make the creator have a smile on their lips. I truly wish we all would do this at least once a week to one person. once a month would be also fine. But if we don't this fandom will be dead soon enough and all thats left is just liking vp with characters on it we know almost nothing about. And maybe even those characters won't have lore anymore bc people stop creating it.