#I wrote most of this in the car

[drowninginthoughts27]

Em…this is me formally asking you about bartylily PLEASE

omg thank you for letting me yap!!! sry it took me a bit to type this all out studying for midterms is really taking my focus rn :(

- i’ve said this before but age gap bartylily,,, heavy on older lily and younger barty especially if lily has her whole life together and barty’s a dead beat (it would be so incredibly toxic and messy and i’m totally here for it)

- also rich girl academic burn out lily and rich boy academic barty who are practically 2 sides of the same coin and keep running into each other at all these clubs and party’s, so annoyed by each others presences with no idea why and decide that the best way to combat these emotions is to fuck it out which only results in them purposely attending more and more party’s and clubs that they know the other will be at even if they don’t hook up at the end of the night just because they get to be near each other and the lines just get more and more blurred ofc

- on a far less toxic note tho lily who goes to a top 10 school and has never known anything other than straight A’s and a million extracurriculars meets college drop out bouncing between minimum wage jobs barty who really shows lily how much more to life there is than having a ‘perfect’ life with a high paying job and massive house and a fancy car working 50+ hours a week and at the same time lily shows barty that he’s worth so much love and attention and he hasn’t reached a dead end in his life and that failure isn’t a sign to just give up it but instead means u brush urself off and keep fucking trying oh oh and even better if because of this they aren’t and game but their relationship ends in a positive light with the knowledge that even tho they aren’t each others forever they’re both better because they met each other even if it was just for a short while

- oh also one final thought is that i rarely ever see bartylily as end game i just see them as one of those relationships that happens for a reason that fundamentally change u as a person for better or for worse but u may never see again after u go ur separate ways aside from occasionally just looking them up on social media to make sure they’re ok yk but i had a little thought abt barty x pandora x lily happening at some point or another in at least one story line even if it’s solely for the purpose of sex

i could probably write my thesis on these two but i think that’s enough said for tonight i’m going back to my studying now lol

[kizykoolors]

Drew the Hazbin Hotel Cast since A LOONG time ago. I just forgor to show them here

Like the rest of my drawings that i was planning to post here

[prince-liest]

I always think I'm gonna get so damn much done on my one day off during inpatient and I DO get a lot done but it's never as much as I think I will because my expectations are silly, pbtttt.

Things done:

Three loads of laundry, including bedding

Grocery shopping

Meal prep for the week (fish, chicken, sausage, quinoa with veggies), lunch portions packaged into meal boxes

Mass watering all the plants and taking photo updates for a bunch of them

Potting up three new violets, feat. a holiday gift

Unpacking all the week's mail packages

Put together a new side table

Things not done:

Repositioning the new dash cam stickies in my car and applying the cabin view cam

Playing some Subnautica

Any writing whatsoever

Plant the new Pogostemon helferi in my aquarium (time sensitive, will hopefully get it done this week)

Read the new update for a fic I've been keeping up with

This post, which I'm making the day AFTER my day off, lmao

You know what, all that said, putting this list together DID make me feel more productive. Also I got set free from hospital jail timely enough that I get to read a couple fic chapters today. unu

[yujeong]

Time was at a standstill. Vegas was holding his breath without noticing, and continued to hold it when he did - he was afraid of what would happen if he exhaled loudly enough to draw attention to himself. His gaze was shifting between Pete and the man who was standing before them in the doorway, blocking their entrance. Vegas had never seen him before, but even so, he recognized Pete in him enough to know who he was. A dangerous aura surrounded him. There was an edge to his presence that Vegas would only come across people of certain circles. He was a fighter. A muay khao. Pete's father. Shame coursed through Vegas' body, smearing his skin, settling in his lungs, rendering him speechless. I thought he was dead, he wanted to tell Pete if he could. He wanted to scream at him, I thought you killed him. Pete was the one who broke the stillness. As if awakened by something, he took a half-step back and made a motion with his arms, almost raising them to his chest, but not quite. In an instant, Pete reverted into the pet Vegas had been keeping at the safehouse, bound by handcuffs and afraid of his belt hitting flesh and drawing blood. A lump formed in Vegas' throat. "Have you stopped practicing? Your form is off." The uncanny similarities between Pete and his father appearance-wise didn't mean a thing when it came to their voices. Vegas shivered. Was this what Pete would sound like in a few decades? (Were these the condescending words he'd choose to spew? Was Pete going to embody his father? Was Vegas embodying his?) "What are you doing here?" Pete whispered. "They let me out for a few days, so I came here to collect some money. Imagine my surprise when I found out my offspring left the job someone found him worthy enough of doing to... do what exactly? Yaai didn't want to tell me." He crossed his arms, waiting for an answer. Vegas didn't know what he was allowed to say. If he was allowed to say anything at all. "It's none of your business." "I'd say it very much is my business, as well as yaai's business who was dependent on the money you were making being some rich asshole's human shield." A choked sound scratched Vegas' throat. He didn't like getting reminded of Pete being the main family's bodyguard, even though he stopped being one mere months ago. Especially like this. That was the first time Pete's father stopped looking at his son and turned his head to look at Vegas. For a moment, there seemed to be recognition in his eyes. Did he know who Vegas was? Did he care? A snort came out of his mouth. He leaned on the door. "Oh, I see how it is." He laughed, scratched his neck. "I never expected you to whore yourself out for money. Tell me, is it preferable to the path I carved out for you?" Vegas could sense the disgust in his voice. He could also see it on Pete's face. He was too astonished to share it, but not enough to be unable to speak. "Khun, there has been some misunderstanding-" "Don't bother. I can recognize a faggot when I see one." Pete's movements were too fast for Vegas to stop him. A direct jab to the nose; his father fell like a pack of cards, groaning like a wounded animal. Surprisingly, no blood - Pete held back. Vegas didn't know what to think about that. "That was a pathetic attack, even for you." "Get up." "We're not in the ring, son." Pete growled. Vegas could see his hands trembling as he was keeping them in the air, maintaining an offensive stance. "That never stopped you before." "You were too young to understand what I was doing back then. What I was preparing you for." Pete was silent. "The world isn't kind. It'll fuck you over one way or another." He got up, spat on the ground. "You still haven't learned a thing. You're too old to afford being naive." He turned around, and without sparing a look at Pete again, said: "Now get the fuck out of my house." (For @musictooth, whose posts about Pete's father have reignited my passion for this specific concept and for @wretchedamaranth, whose comments on my writing are always lovely and precious ❤️)

[moonsmistresss]

enzo and elena are the only people in the neighborhood who said the cycle ends with me and succeded in that

[hplonesomeart]

You know I had to do my own rendition of this eventually. It’s just too good to pass up :))

Attached is just the still image version (not gif) and then some behind-the-scenes initial sketch without puzzle pattern. Also the car had a nose for some reason…glad that I went back to the actual reference material to change it because the Puzzlemobile ain’t got one <<

[irlbop]

Imagine, though, that the first three Papas hadn’t been assassinated, and there really was a plan to have them reincorporated into the Ghost Project. Perhaps not as the frontmen audiences were more familiar with, but there was certainly use to be found. The Ministry could be resourceful when it wanted to be, after all.

Primo would probably feel confused at best, fatigues at worst as the memories of touring and strutting about began to reappear in the marrow of his bones. He was far from young when the Ghost Project had been revived under his visage, and he’d certainly not gotten any younger in the decade that had passed since he passed on the position.

Ever the diligent shepherd throughout his life, the eldest Emeritus son had found himself quite enjoying his retirement: It had allowed him more time to rest, more time to tend to his personal passions. Further to the point, though, what more did he have to offer? Ghost had prospered with each succession. As far as he was concerned, he had done his job: It was now up to the Next Guy to keep it going.

But, ever the good son and dedicated brother, he hears out the proposal. The stage may not call him back, but the Church does. And for that, he must listen.

Secondo would furrow his brow, almost reflexively creating a slight sneer. Though, it’s not out of disgust so much as uncertainty. And Secondo is very rarely a hesitant person.

He knew how the Church saw him: Angry, bitter, so on and so forth. The very things that contributed to the decision to end his tenure.

…Well, that, and perhaps his exorbitant spending on the Ministry’s dime. There was only so much he could get away with under the justification of gluttony, lust, and sloth, evidently.

Regardless, though, he found the prospect somewhat suspicious. After he retired the mitre, the Ministry appeared to want little to do with him. The Clergy kept interactions to a minimum, and most paperwork had been designated to other members often before. Most who look forward to his presence are Siblings with an appetite they claimed only he could satiate — and frankly, he was content with that.

He was far from a dullard, but Secondo couldn’t fathom what the Ministry realistically could pull from him at this point. Perhaps, then, “conflicted” is the better expression he wore: Eyes narrowing at the prospect as he pondered what this could mean, quiet anger that they would demand more of him after he had given them plenty, but also curiosity.

And a bit of temptation. Best to hear the details. Perhaps maybe even confirm the perks. He would keep his guard up of course, but maybe he could regain access to the Black Card if he played the right cards…

And then…There’s Terzo. Of the Papas present, he was the most emotionally expressive.

“Prone to fits of flamboyancy,” Primo would muse if he were in a gentler mood.

“A shameless twit with no damn self-control,” Secondo would insistently correct.

If that moment had been someone’s first exposure to Terzo, however, they probably would not have guessed it. He is the picture of calm. Almost ennui. Heterochromatic eyes sit beneath bushy brows, hooded as though the proposal were someone waxing poetry of the gilded lily that was doing taxes.

If someone who did know of Terzo and his antics were to see him, they might have concluded one of two options: That he was either zoning out, fantasizing about all the schlong and balls and pussy he could be investing time in; or he was hungover and/or high and thus not computing a single syllable that tumbled into his ears.

But Terzo was stone-cold sober. And he was hanging on to every word like claws sink into flesh.

The fact of the matter is that yes, Terzo could be loud. He could be showy. He was outspoken, enduring, a consummate performer. But that didn’t mean Terzo was dumb. It was so easy to simplify him down to a happy-go-lucky himbo of some sort that people — even his own brothers — would often forget the bottom line: He was still an Emeritus, born from a line coated in blood and shadow.

And in that moment, the blood and shadows within him were boiling, as though the essence of The Pit had found itself replaced into his mortal form.

In that moment, he was putting those years of breathing exercises to use by tempering his inhales and exhales to feel less heated, less sharp. Without the papal paints to give illusion to his features, his features seemed sharper, but not necessarily menacing. He was white-knuckling it in those gloves he was almost never without, ever thankful that their cloth texture didn’t give away his feelings like the squeak of leather would.

They want them back? They want him back? How about a proper send-off to his papacy first? How about an actual final show, one last thing to give to the followers he’d busted his ass off to give to the Church? An apology card signed by the Clergy, an Edible Arrangement, something!

He brought home a goddamn Grammy. And how did they repay him?

By dragging him off of the stage, mind-song. This was the way the most successful Antipope to date’s reign had ended: Not with a bang, not with a kazoo, but with a whimper.

He had given the Church everything he had: His youth to studies, his adulthood preparing for succession, his mind, body, and soul put to the form of song for them to exploit. He even gave them things he did not actually possess, but dressed up just enough to superficially please them. Yet now they come back, ready to take even more? What was even left in their eyes to snatch, he might’ve wondered beneath it all?

A dark bile flowed through his veins like the Serpent through Eden. And oh, how this domain did love its corruption. That is, except for when it conflicted with what they wanted. And what this church of expression and freedom wanted, as far as Terzo saw it, was control. Power. All that uncreative jazz. You were only as free as they saw fit.

Well. Fine. This church loved serpents so much, why not become what they loved? He could slither pitifully on his belly. He could sit in wait. He could speak honeyed words. He could remind them he was but a soft, simple creature.

He could bite.

What this proposal to reincorporate himself and his brothers foretold, he did not yet know. And it frankly didn’t matter to him: He would take it. He would take it and cradle it and slowly nurture it with his venom until the Ministry would recognize the necrosis developing far too late to stop it.

He was, after all, an Emeritus: The favored bloodline of the Dark One. He was insurrection, he was spite.

“I see…” he uttered, stifling a nonexistent yawn.

“And this…idea that you have: What’s in it for me?”

[that-homoerotic-blouse]

Guess who won a screenwriting filmmaking prize and is also here on tumblr dot com

[vogelmeister]

ITS MY CAP AND GOWN DAY YIPPPPPEEEEEEE

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Carter: As Oscar once said: "everything is about sex, except sex, sex is about power."

Wilde: I never said that!

Carter: Yes, you did!

Barnes: Well that sounds like something you would say.

Wilde: Last time you agreed with Carter that "You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear" was something I would say. Your opinion does not count.

Barnes: Wait, you didn't say that?

Carter: Nah. I did got that one wrong it was Campbell actually.

Zolf: *who was listening from the side room and entered invoked by Campbell's name* No it wasn't. Campbell isn't a hack.

Carter: Ohoho, Oscar, he called you a hack? Are you gonna let him?

Wilde: You see, he didn't! Because I never wrote that. I never spoke that. And I resent anyone thinking I did.

Barnes: Okay, so who said it?

Carter: I still think it was Oscar.

Wilde: *doing calming breathing exercises*

Barnes: Don't be like that Oscar, Carter is just being himself. In fact, didn't you once said "be yourself, everyone else is already taken"?

Zolf: *who knows that Wilde never said any of this things* *breaks laughing*

Carter: Yeah, it was right after "never love anybody who treats you like you’re ordinary".

Wilde: I hate all of you.

Zolf: Why? Wasn't you the one going "there is only one thing in life worse than being talked about" well we are talking about you.

Wilde: I never... wait... no...I actually did say that one.

[imagineitdearies]

How’s the writing? 😊

Hey braintwin 😊🩵

First, the abridged version: It’s getting somewhere!!

But this question comes at a great time, because I’ve been wanting to give a more in-depth update for you followers anyway! After finishing Perfect Slaughter, I took about a month break from intensive writing, outlining, or even much brainstorming, though I already had the idea for Circle of Sixths by then (hopeful prostitute meets world weary vampire in a suck-for-hire situation, lol). And when I got back into it at the start of August, there was just so much world building to do that my actual writing came at a snail’s pace, and for way too long a period for my liking. Fanfic really spoils you in that regard 😮‍💨

For the last 2.5 months, however, I finally had my world established enough to start getting into the good shit. I completed my goal (10 chapters) so I could start the beta process, and over the last 3 weeks have started getting great encouraging but constructive feedback on the first six chapters! It’s been super cool to finally share it with a few people, even if for the purpose of curbing my excessive comma usage lol.

The goal is to have the first draft entirely done by the end of the year, which means about 6-8 more chapters according to my outline. Though I’d settle for just knocking out 5 chapters before my girlfriend flies in post-Christmas and my attention goes out the window lolol. I’ve been stuck on chapter 11 for the last two weeks thanks to work + holiday travel (at this very moment, I’m writing on my phone whilst laying on an air mattress in my sister’s living room 😂), so we’ll see. The good news is I’m not writing any more major articles for my day job for the rest of the year, so I should in theory have more bandwidth for my personal goals and bigger dreams🙏

Until then, I’m typing a couple paragraphs on my phone each night and hope to sneak in some progress on my flight home Sunday! A writer’s gotta write 😉

Thanks for this ask my friend 🩵🩵

[piratekane]

I'll play the sentence starter game: 13. “Just let me take care of you.” Avatrice obvs. Bonus points if it's Ava saying that to Bea but really whatever you want pls and thank you

On the third day, God created the dry ground, seas, plants, and trees. On the third night, Beatrice has a nightmare.

It doesn't wake Ava at first. Bea isn't thrashing, keening in the moonlight that filters through the dirty window Ava can't quite get the grime off of. But something wakes Ava, an uneasiness that works its way into her dreamless sleep and pulls her from its depths. She blinks at the dark ceiling and she thinks, I'll just go back to sleep, when the hard point of Bea's shoulder comes into focus.

She hears Bea push a single, shaky stream air out and she frowns at the sound, unused to the shift from Bea's steady inhale-exhale. But when her eyes cut to the side, expecting Bea's face, smoothed by sleep, to be facing her - and it's a wonder, to know that Bea is watching her even in her sleep - she finds Bea staring directly at the ceiling instead, eyes wide and unblinking.

Ava lifts up slightly, hair long and tangled around her shoulders. "Bea?"

Beatrice inhales sharply and Ava watches her eyes dart anxiously in her direction, a silent plea that Ava can't quite make out in the darkness. She starts to come further into focus: shoulders pulled up to her ears, knuckles white where her hands twist the sheets, body coiled tight enough to make Ava want to scream, a wet streak down from the corners of her eyes where they fall into her hair.

"Bea," she whispers.

The halo hums mournfully in her skin. She lifts a hand slowly, her palm hovering in the space between them before she eases those few inches closer to Bea. Dark eyes track her fingers nervously. "Bea, breathe."

But just as her fingers set to land - a whole palm to where Bea's heart is surely beating a hundred miles a second, if the wild look in her eyes matches the racing in her chest - Bea's mouth opens in a wide gasp that steals the air out of the room and out of Ava's lungs. Bea's body bends, legs kick out, hands twist in the sheets, hair whips into the air and then there's nothing but the sound of quick feet moving out of the bedroom and into the bathroom.

She's alone.

The bathroom door doesn't slam - Beatrice has too much restraint for that. But it can't muffle the sound as a body sinks back against the door and to the floor. Ava doesn't think twice, doesn't think about Bea's privacy, and slips out of bed after her. She slows down the last few steps before the bathroom door and stops just in front of it, hand hovering over the handle.

She doesn't know what to do. She's seen movies, heard stories, about comforting people. There are basic principles she thinks probably come naturally to her; she could always make Diego smile. But Beatrice is unlike anyone Ava has ever met before. There has to be a special way to navigate this, a certain trick she needs to try. She hasn't met many people, can count the ones who know her on two hands and two feet, but Bea is... not them.

So she presses her hand to the door and slowly sits down, twisting so her back is against it. She imagines Bea on the other side, sitting like she's sitting, forehead against her knees, arms wrapped around her legs.

"You don't have to say anything." Bea doesn't. "But... you don't have to hide around me. I know that I... I know that I seem like I might not be able to handle things, but I can. I want to."

She presses the point of her chin into the point of her knee; lets the pain flare for a second before the halo eases it away. "I know things have been... I know things aren't good. That we're hiding until they get better, but we have to rely on each other. It's just us, Bea. We're all each other has. And you've been... You've been so good to me. If I have to hide away here... There isn't any one else I want to do it with."

There's a sniffle, a slight scratch. Ava feels it bolster her.

"You told me to trust my team and you're my team. You're the only part of it I have left. You're..." She tries to quell this rushing feeling in her chest, but it threatens to ebb over anyway. "I'm glad it's you, though," she admits. "Because every step of the way, you've taken care of me. You've always made sure I was okay. It's like you already know when I need you."

No one has ever cared about me like that before stays unspoken between them. She's sure Bea knows.

"But I can be that person for you too. You can... you can lean on me. I'm here." Her voice shakes a little, the truth a little too much for her not to waver on. "I want to be your rock, because you're mine."

She takes a deep and turns, pressing her forehead to the solid wood. She hears quiet shuffling on the other side, pictures Bea rising up onto her knees as she reaches for the knob. "Bea, please," she breathes. "Let me take care of you."

The door opens.

[doedipus]

a large amount of time I've been spending on -untitled undefined scope original fiction project- since the last time I posted about it has been trying to develop the protagonist concept I came up with last summer or whatever into like, a character that would feel real and era appropriate.

it's fun research to do. naturally a lot of the details I assigned to her are things that I already think are cool, so it's been a lot of fun trying to trace her traits back through the relatively recent past, getting reminded of how much things have changed, or where the gaps in my intuition are, and then doing a flurry of reading to get a sense for exactly how someone like her and the people around her could have happened and what her life was probably like leading up to her present day. hopefully this results in some good good verisimilitude.

[cogneato-inc]

The Gang+ Roadtrip Headcanons

(Unfinished and never going to be but I wanted to post what I have </3-)

Absolutely loves road trips, is packed days in advance, needs to see every tourist trap and truck stop:

Brett

Is PUMPED - he loves everything about road trips

Sitting in the passenger seat giving directions, driving and jamming with the music as loud as possible, sitting in the back and pointing out animals and funny signs

Very susceptible to billboards - if he’s driving he stops at every tourist attraction/interesting truck stop/sightseeing platform and loves it Every Time

Buys a souvenir from every state he goes through (but it’s always something Huge and Inconvenient to keep in the car, like a cowboy hat or a big ass sign that everyone tells him not to buy)

His road trip playlists are Elite - always classics, or a mix of everyone’s favorites so no one can complain too much

Glenn

Takes his kids on road trips !!! It kills his back but he loves taking them to historical monuments and whatnot

(Not relevant but he absolutely seems like the kind of man who Fucking Loves historical re-enactments ?? He’s out there I know it in my heart)

Everyone hates when he’s allowed to drive because he has terrible road rage and refuses to stop for bathroom breaks or food - not to make good time, but just because he likes The Power

But he’s also good at keeping himself awake so he’s usually the driver at night when the roads are empty

(He still manages to find the one other person on the road and gets cut off or something, curses them out and wakes everyone up-)

Andre

Big fan of terrible roadside attractions - shit like ugly dinosaur sculptures and giant household objects in the middle of nowhere

Loves ridiculous billboards, his camera roll is 90% billboard pictures after the trip

You might think he’s in charge of the snacks but you’d be WRONG

He Will Forget Them

Or only pack edibles and wait for everyone else to realize

Likes to get to the destination as fast as possible, groans every time the others ask to stop:

Reagan

I headcanon she gets carsick super easily and hates the cramped feeling of having to sit near all of the bags/other people

So by the time the trip is over she is LAUNCHING herself out of the car

In the driver’s seat most of the time to avoid the worst of her carsickness (enjoys the added bonus of being able to threaten the others by withholding stops for snacks-)

Robotus

Would probably enjoy it more if he could get out of the car </3

If he’s repaired and has some sort of disguise he actually really likes stopping at the little sightseeing spots (and some of the ridiculous tourist traps but he’ll never admit it)

Makes a snarky comment abt EVERY religious billboard he sees - is absolutely insufferable when going through rural areas

J.R.

I’m not sure how you would even get this man to go on a road trip ???

‘Why can’t I just take my private jet >:(‘

It takes a lot of convincing, I would not be surprised if he’s straight up Never been on a road trip

And he doesn’t,, hate it ? If it’s just the two of you he has fun - but he makes Frequent comments abt how much faster you could have been at your destination (and also probably just,, better destinations that you can’t drive to) if you’d flown

If the rest of The Gang is there he’s miserable - being surrounded by people the whole time has him So So Carsick, he insists on driving as much as possible

Hates it, complains the whole trip:

Myc

He can’t get out of the car, he isn’t allowed to drive (for Several reasons), and No One will let him play his podcast when it’s his turn with the aux

He is Complaining or Sleeping the entire time

[jackienautism]

edit : you know just ignore this entire thing im just stupdi 😭 keeping it up still but . yeah

my thought of the night:

idk idk. i just . it rly irks me when ppl characterize amanda as this ruthless killer? fnsjfnd like. that’s just. not it.? YES she is a killer and shit and she’s def no angel but. she wouldn’t stab me just because i asked for her pronouns?FNSJFNS LIKE

even UNDER john’s influence, that’s just not how she operates yk? she’s only like that whenever she believes lynn is attempting to get between her and john. she’s only like that bc of her unhealthy relationship. WITH JOHN. if john had NO influence in her life, had not taken her under his wing, she wouldn’t be willing to pull a gun on someone just bc they’re getting “between” her and him. she isn’t necessarily violent, unless i’m reading things COMPLETELY incorrectly. she’s only violent when her relationship w/ john is at stake LMAO

her kills (outside of her Attempts towards lynn) are typically an act of mercy. not to say that makes things any better, but. she doesn’t kill bc she wants to or bc she doesn’t have anything better to do. she kills adam and she STILL regrets it to the point of harming herself like😭 and the only reason why she’s there to witness kerry’s death, as another post mentioned and def explained much better than me, was bc of her inherent involvement w/ eric. it was probably almost like a . thing to bring her solace or whatever. and her rigged traps? it’s all to prevent them from undergoing the “rehabilitation” process. to prevent them from living the life, the trauma SHE had to live after surviving her trap. basically she’s saying that dying is soooo much better than whatever the fuck she had to go through lol

does that make her an angel? of course not. does that make her much more interesting and NOT ruthless? yeah. at least imo it does

like. she wouldn’t just beat me up for no reason. she’s not someone who would piss on me and also spit on my grave. like ? unless i’m just ?????? totallly mischaracterizing her? LIKE . even JOHN says that her emotion is her downfall. the reason WHY she is killed in the first place is BC she cares too much. she cares too much abt john and her relationship w/ him. THATS why she shoots lynn. and THATS why she couldn’t save gabriela. her loyalty to john means so much more to her than most things. she cares WAAAY too much, to the point that it kills her

and saying and implying that she’s a killer and is violent bc she wants to be just …. it rly disregards and takes away that aspect of her character

and i truly don’t think that her being added as a dead by daylight killer helps here either LOL LIKE. i wouldve looooved to see her as a survivor but i totally understand why she wouldn’t be one. but at the same time . she’s not LIKE most other killers there yk? she’s basically manipulated into being a killing machine. by fucking john. bc SHE was supposed to take over his legacy once he died. if john had NO involvement in amanda’s life, she wouldn’t be the way she is

and like….. yeah that’s what makes her character interesting blah blah blah BUT. and hear me out. amanda never killed before she was recruited LMAO she kills now bc she feels like she has to. to save ppl from whatever shitty fate awaits them

idk if this makes any sense at all but . idk it just irks me brother. bc she isn’t your typical slasher. she’s sooo much more than that. she isn’t inherently violent. she wouldn’t beat me up and call me names . unless she had a reason to yk😭

LIKE basiclalg what i’m saying is. yes amanda is a killer. but that doesn’t mean she’s heartless and mean and shit. in fact she’s the complete opposite?????

i could go on a whole thing abt her actions and whatnot in saw ii despite already being an apprentice by thag point, but i’ll spare y’all the details. but. how she held herself and others in that murder house? most of it was def NOT faked. she genuinely cared for these ppl and wanted to see them succeed. and look at how she sympathized w/ gabriela? she cares TOO much which prevents her from being the Great apprentice to jigsaw and his legacy

i forgot exactly what john said, but after hoffman told him that he didn’t expect to feel remorse after putting the guy in the barbed wire trap? he says smth along the lines of needing to be detached from your emotions… . and that’s something amanda CAN NOT do. she lets her emotions dictate her actions ALL the time

yeah ok i just checked and he said that theheart can never be involved... that it can never be personal... and you know what amanda does ALL the time? ESP w/ gabriela?

went all over the place here sorry. but saying that she’s the WORST person on the planet is just wrong. like. watch how she held herself in her interview w/ police and that rockstar deleted scene and then we can talk abt amanda .

idek what i’m trying to say here . uhhhmmm. amanda young isnt an inherently violent and shitty person, you all are just stupid

[6mayhem]

anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years