#I wouldnt have gotten this far without all of their love and support

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

hi stinky i am kissing you on your lil egg noggin . eggie you didn't have a crimbus tree for me to leave lil messages under so i am lunging for your throat here in your inbox hi it's me getting u . i love u smsm and we are all so unbelievably proud of you and i think you should be proud of yourself too for all the progress and healing that you've made not only in terms of healing from last year's trauma ( which will continue to be a journey ! there isn't a deadline and healing isn't linear but setbacks do not discredit you !! ), but also from things like guilt and discomfort around nsfw and anxiety about meeting and interacting with new ppl and sharing your characters with ppl too !! super happy to see you engage with ppl with other ocs too such as haru and ithuriel hehehe so that everyone gets to see the terrific wonders of your creative mind ... you are wonderful eggie and deserve sm !!

mars i stg you're going to make me weep on dash - I wouldn't have been able to heal as far as I have without meeting a lot of my friends on here; they really restored all of the love I had for my creative works. I am proud of myself too - its nice to be able to say that again after everything that happened!!! weeping - I will continue to do my best!!!!

[arqdyke]

hey! i'm the person who sent in the transmasc jane <3< transfem rose request and, first things first, wanted to say thank you. i've never thought of jane with those like eyeglasses strings things (no idea what they're called) but i LOVE them and he is so real. 2 me. as a janerose enjoyer.

second thing is: i've been sending in rqs for... i think since the beginning of the blog's founding? (first request was published on 9/14/22. there have been too many sent in since then to name, but. A Lot Of Requests, hehe). i just wanted to send in a thank you here.

you've done a lot of really beautiful gorgeous art on dyke-stuck. i'm really glad for the time that it's existed, and if you do decide to stop using it come november, i'm glad that you're going to be able to make that decision to stop doing something that isn't fun for you anymore. to me, dyke-stuck is about having fun, and it would really suck if it kept going even if you weren't happy with it or weren't having fun. like, i think it's better if it ends on a happy note, if that makes sense? obviously every decision up to you, and i certainly wouldnt be Upset if it continued, but like. idk. peace and love on planet earth and the health and well-being of a talented Artiste above all else, yk. thank you for everything!

(i would've sent this on dyke-stuck but your asks were closed (probably bc a Lot of people dont know what Requests R Closed means) so i sent it here instead, i hope that's okay)

staring at you with wobbly tear filled eyes. thank you so so much for sending this it means a lot!! figuring out when to end dyke-stuck has been like. on my mind since long before it even hit the one year mark but i wanted to make it at the very least that far

originally i wanted to end with a bang (hence the little event thing i did!) but all the support from it actually motivated me for a little longer lol. SPEAKING of support seriously thanks so much for like. regularly interacting and being nice all throughout the blogs lifespan :,3

your blog is one i instantly recognize the url & pfp of just bc ive seen it in my notes a lot & i really appreciate that :D! idk if im wording this all that right. dyke-stuck wouldnt have gotten even half as far as it did without all the asks, interaction, and hell the actual friends ive made off of it. peace and love on planet earth forever :3

(and yeah! asks are closed mostly so i didnt have to deal with people sending in requests despite the closedness lol. i might reopen them sometime soon but requests are probably closed to the public for a while..)

[rpfofficial]

gripping your shoulders staring deep into your eyes with a mad glint do you understand how much they loved each other do you understand how devoted they were to each other. sam was ready to throw himself in front of frodo in any dangerous situation and frodo fought against the evils of the ring because he didn't want to hurt Sam. Sam was his shadow and his shield and followed him to the darkest most dangerous place in the world and he CARRIED him into the fires so frodo could complete his task. and frodo totally leaned on him and trusted him and even when he was corrupted by gollum he came back to Sam and of course Sam forgave him of course he did!!!!!!! and frodo was always supportive and loving and tender towards Sam and lifting him up and noticing his worth and only ever being grateful!!!!! they would have died for each other in a second!!!!!! they were just two simple hobbits with a love for their world and the people in it and a love for each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FRODO WOULDNT HAVE GOTTEN FAR WITHOUT SAM. I CANT CARRY IT FOR YOU BUT I CAN CARRY YOU. THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER SAVED ALL OF MIDDLE EARTH BRO.

[regret-breathing]

last night i had a dream that my ex girlfriend was getting married to Armie Hammer. I was invited to the wedding, and invited to be her maid of honor, because we were secretly sleeping together and she needed moral support from her lover while she got married to her awful fiance. Also because like, even if we hadnt been sleeping together I imagine she wouldve brought me along because in the dream she had like. Just gotten back from the ISS (or dream equivalent, she was an astronaut in the dream, she isnt an astronaut in real life), and was not really prepared to be in a huge public event after being in space for a considerable amount of time. you know how it is when you come back from being in space after a considerable amount of time.

this is loooong so. yeah. the rest is under the cut.

anyway so I’m at this wedding, helping my secret lover get ready and helping keep The Fucking Hammers (who were giving extreme Bluths from arrested development energy) at bay as much as possible. wedding’s being held on this GOOORGEOUS little secluded island off the coast that they own (ew), we’re enjoying the sea air, we’re eating bonkers delicious food that probably cost enough to feed me for a year, when she fills me in about The Book.

Apparently in my dream world the Hammers have this whole ritualistic practice centered around The Family Book, a massive ancient tome supposedly containing the signatures of every Hammer dating back centuries, as they sign some sort of oath or contract when they come of age. Think like. what if the eagens from severance had the same unsettling religiosity but it was more antisemitic blood rituals trope and less corporate strategy. there were holidays about this book there were seasonal traditions about this book they were on some wild shit with this book. according to dream-ex “all old families like them have something like that”. i dunno man this book feels a lil fucked up, and again a little too close to some antisemitic tropes idk why my heavily jewish brain did this to me.

Anyway so she tells me all this because apparently it’s Hammer tradition that as a part of weddings, they have a private ceremony before the legal one where they properly induct those their children choose to marry into the Family, and so have them Sign The Family Book. i’ll be expected to go and serve as Witness, because i’m the maid of honor. she says it like it like it’s some great and incredible honor, to see the book signing ceremony as an outsider (and of course be sworn to secrecy as long as i shall live).

I’m like o.o maybe tell ppl that before they accept being your maid of honor, but fuck it! in the dream i love this girl so i’m like, in for a penny in for a pound i’ll go to your scary blood contract party to help you stay calm during it. so after everyone getting ready, she’s in her beautiful wedding dress I’m inexplicably wearing the himemiya anthy red wedding dress from utena (but without the crown or gloves) and i gotta say this is the first truly unbelievable thing in this dream so far. i wouldve worn a suit it wouldve been great and i got some audacity but i knooow i wouldnt roll up to my secret lover’s wedding in an anime wedding dress thats just gauche. and reeeeally obvious. im a bit buffooonish at times but im slicker than that.

So we’re all prepped and pretty and it’s wedding time, dream-ex is understandably anxious, i’m understandably anxious, and someone waylays us in the halls of the (seriously goooorgeous) venue to let us know it’s time for the Book Signing. we follow them to the chamber, and it is Weird in there. Basically, picture a very large cavernous room, totally dark in there, no windows, inky almost cave-like blackness. at the center theres like a corporate looking metal-and-glass conference table with super tall backed matching chairs, illuminated only by these blinding spotlights that blare down at each seat at the table, a double wide one encapsulating the two seats at the head of the table for the couple getting married. i like just woke up im glad i still remember this because it was an insane visual.

the whole collected living Hammer family is gathered around the table, all looking solemn and almost grim, they turn to us and beckon us warmly to join them at the table, she is seated to the left of her fiance at the head of the table, and i am next to her across the corner because i guess thats where the witness goes. Armie Hammer (first time i see him in the dream) is wearing basically the same fit he wore in Sorry To Bother You, except with the biggest Sonic blue high tops you ever seen. vividly remember these shoes. it’s kinda swaggy. He is also clutching the largest clearly hand bound leather tome i ever seen in real life, with slighly mismatched pages, dark almost black leather, with notably a large brownish stain on the spine where supposedly Grampappy Hammer fatally struck a rival with it and they’ve respectfully never cleaned the stain to remember.. something. i think there was a reason. this was an anecdote people were telling the whole fucking time. heard it like 4 times over the course of the wedding. miserable vibe. So he’s clutching this book tight, barely acknowledging his fiancé (dick move but i guess he was swept up in the ceremony), only occasionally mumbling to his best man, his brother (i have no idea if armie hammer has a brother but my dream said he did so im going with it).

i dont remember how or why but i guess dream-ex made an excuse to leave for a second?? or maybe im misremembering and i got there first and she was late?? or something?? but i pretty clearly remember getting there together so maybe she made an excuse to go to the bathroom or something i dunno. either way she steps out for a moment and im like. pretty heavily spooked by being alone with The Collected Hammers And Their Fucked Up Book in this Creepy Weird Ritual Chamber. the vibes are Off. theres sort of awkward chatter and I try to participate but Armie Hammer gives me a Look when i try so i shit tf up. Eventually dream-ex comes back, and she’s visibly more anxious than before. I try to discretely check in on her and she brushes me off, but sort of slowly takes my hand which is a little weird because we’d agreed not to do pda around the Hammers.

Then. Fucking. Okay. If you’re ever in this situation for whatever reason. DO NOT. DO THIS. TO ANYONE YOU LOVE. But yeah so she’s taken my hand, takes a pause while the Hammers look confused at her, and before the booksigning can begin she says she has something to say, and fucking TELLS THEM ALL THAT WE HAVE BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR. I am flabbergasted right, we’d agreed that she was gonna go through with the wedding and i was cool about it because i woudlnt want to fuck over the Hammers they scare me. but yeah so she totally blindsides me with this, and i get it right i woudlnt want to sign their fucking book either, she probably made the right call, but cmonnnnn at least let your secret lover know BEFORE you tell the richest people ever that youve been screwing behind their backs WHILE THEYRE CARRYING THE MURDER BLOOD BOOK. So the Collected Hammers are shocked right, i’m surprised but kinda impressed by her absolute audacity, she’s doing a great job of appearing calm even though by the grip she has on my hand she’s freaking out, and Armie Hammer is just utterly confused by this turn of events. And she takes it one step FURTHER. she tells them that she fully intends to marry ME that day instead of Armie Hammer, when we’re on their private wedding island, with a wedding ceremony they paid for, surrounded by 100% of living Hammers and VERY few other guests, and I WAS NOT AWARE SHE WAS PLANNING THIS. and at this point, yknow what, i gotta give it up to dream-ex. brass fucking balls. looking Known Cannibal Armie Hammer in the face and telling him shes been fucking around on him, that hes not getting married today, and that some fucking dyke is gonna steal his girl right in front of him, all while he’s holding The Family Book no less. He’s gone from shocked staring at her, to death glaring at me, and im pretty sure hes gonna murder me with the book, or maybe his family will kill me with their hands because theyre looking Agitated, but he sort of sighs and just tells us to get out. And we do! we leave the spooky vaguely antisemitic corporate ritual chamber and get the fuuuuuck out of there.

admittedly not very far it’s not like we leave the island or anything, all the boats are Hammer boats. we go back to her dressing room and i’m like forreal we’re getting married today?? she seems relieved not to be marrying into the Hammers and doesnt seem like she thinks we’re about to die so i decide not to be unhappy with being blindsided like that. shes like yeah and im sort of giddy, theres some smooching, etc etc etc.

So we go to the much more normal wedding ceremony, which I’m expecting to be empty because like 80% of the guests were Hammers or Hammer adjacent, but it’s a full fucking house, and it is some WEIRD energy in there. We get married by the priest (who I’m pretty sure looking back is the priest from the season 4 finale of Peep Show), irl i wouldve been pretty salty about having a christian wedding but i guess when youre stealing someone else’s wedding and are pretty sure theyre gonna kill you because Armie Hammer is still holding The Book, you try not to be a stickler about it not being a rabbi. So we get married to utter silence from the host of Hammers and a modest amount of dream-ex’s family, it’s awkward, theres a smooch, yaaay woo should be the end of the dream right? right?

wrong!! because my brain hates me and wants to put me through MORE torture, for some reason instead of just getting on a boat to the mainland and finding somewhere Not Full Of Hammers to celebrate, we fucking go to the reception! for some reason!! and inexplicably, so does the entire Hammer family. It’s a nice party, the vibes are BAD but the food remains excellent the drinks are frighteningly expensive and the decor is tasteful if a little bleak, we’re sitting very awkwardly at the Big Table completely surrounded by Hammers and Armie is still holding the fucking Book for some reason, I’m trying not to look too frightened so i can make sure dream-ex is okay, i give us plenty of excuses to leave but dream-ex steps on every one of them, insisting on staying in the Hammer Zone. We do try to stay around her small number of guests though, spending time with her parents, answering lots of bewildered questions about how the fuck this happened, generally avoiding the Hammers as much as possible who for some reason DO NOT LEAVE. I dunno i guess it’s their island so whatever but if i were Armie Hammer and my fiancee ran out on me and then stole my wedding and claimed squatters rights to stay there I think I’d just go home???? maybe that’s just me but I’d definitely bounce if I were the Collected Hammers.

Oh right another awkward wrinkle— dream-ex is an astronaut in this dream right, so she’s been back from the ISS for a while now, and part of why she was getting married at all is because either the following day or two days later or something she was either going back up to the ISS for another shift up there or maybe to the moon??? i remember people mentioning the moon, but i dunno because like, they dont stay on the moon forever, doesnt seem like astronauts stay on the moon for even a full day, so it’s not like a Getting Shipped Out To War thing where you get married before you go because you might not come back and if you do youll be gone a while thing, right?? it’s a moon visit not a moon stay, right??? i think???? but from my memory people kept bringing up the damn moon so i gotta assume it was a moon trip even if that doesnt make a lot of sense to me. I dunno near the end of the dream is where i forget a lot of it. but yeah so she’s getting asked questions about the moon, I’m getting death glares from the family and sniffing my food for poison, we both look fantastic, she’s kind of getting tired of me hovering around making sure she’s alright which isnt a great sign for the marriage but yknow what it’s been a long day no reason to read too far into it.

Eventually, I take a little smoke break because she seems like shes getting overwhelmed by me being there, and I call a different ex of mine (one who i actually talk to in real life as opposed to dream-wife-ex who i havent spoken to irl in like four years minimum) to complain about the Hammers because hahahaaaa they never got to do the ceremonyyyy so i wasnt sworn to secrecy about their boooooook naa naa na boo boo.

And that’s the whole saga. i don’t remember what happened after that but i think i woke up pretty soon after. weird fucking dream.

but yeah if any fancy dream interpreters wanna tell me what the fuck any of THAT means do let me know.

[mbat]

okay i do also have to say, it feels like people expect characters emotions/motivations to always be rational, and maybe thats one of the issues? like, of course what shes doing is irrational! of course she knows the stories of gothel, of course she knows rapunzel didnt have a choice in the matter!

but people arent always rational, and cass got hit in the face with a truck when it came to the reveal of who her mother was.

back in season one during the episode when rapunzel locks cass and eugene in a cell together, they talk about not knowing who their parents are, they were both orphaned. she very clearly didnt want to talk about it, shutting eugene out fast when they were finally connecting for once.

it says to me that maybe shes thought about it at least enough for her to be upset about it. shes obviously wondered who it was, and i know im inserting not-exactly-canon stuff here, but i wonder if she imagined a more free life with her real parents, one where she was able to do what she wanted, maybe get to try living her dream

i mean, youre not exactly the most free when youre the child of the captain of the guard. especially not when you live in the castle as the staff.

and what broke her about it especially was that shes had this whole show so far, and even before the show in the 6 months we didnt entirely see, having rapunzel kinda take stuff from her, or outshine her, undermine her, not listen to her even when she was right... you could tell even before she walked into that magic memory door that she was getting sick of it, and then it was revealed that something shes wondered about and maybe even hoped for all this time was supposedly another thing taken by rapunzel, even though thats obviously not how that went.

zhan tiri was literally just playing with cassandras insecurities and things she was clearly still upset about. like thats not a non-factor here that zhan tiri was manipulating her. like yeah zhan tiri was only there that one time before the moonstone, but that memory was specifically chosen to hurt cass, to strike her where it hurt the most.

i havent gotten there yet in my rewatch, but i know that cass gets a magical item (a mirror?) that shows her a memory of gothel where shes seemingly a good mother to her daughter, and that plays exactly into the hopes cass would have for her. maybe she told herself that gothel wouldve truly loved her because that was her daughter, that maybe it was only with rapunzel that she was like that. maybe she told herself that her being awful in that door memory was simply her being impatient, cass is no stranger to it. that maybe she only ran because of the guards. she was clearly going to come back to the cottage otherwise.

obviously we all know all of that isnt true, and when that magic item is fixed, it shows that she was wrong. gothel was not the person she hoped, and never couldve been.

but cass clearly wanted something to be there that just wasnt, because if it wasnt there, it meant that she truly never had a chance. it was either her being gothels daughter, abused and probably treated as a live-in cleaner, or to live in the castle watching people less qualified than her living the life she wants (to be a guard/soldier) and instead shes stuck cleaning and sewing and watching over other people.

like, doesnt that suck? wouldnt you hope there was more, too? that different path that your life couldve taken where maybe it would have been better, happier?

and its just so easy to blame someone else for it, especially the person who was already hurting you (unintentionally), who, lets face it, has definitely taken opportunities from cass without meaning to.

like, obviously it wasnt rapunzels fault, and if it actually came to it, of course rapunzel would support cass living her dream! not only is she the person when it comes to people living their dreams, but cass is her best friend!

and yet cass is the only person who seems to never get to live her dream. she even gets to watch hook foot go get to live his dream. someone else who, yet again, isnt her.

i said way too much here, and this isnt even every thought i have ajfhshf im still trying to save it all for later BUT IM GOING NUTS LIKE COME ON like its all so obvious to me 😭

im still not done with my rewatch but i SWEAR its so obvious that the stuff cass did didnt come out of nowhere if you were actually paying attention to her over the course of the show. like sure maybe people dont care about her as much since shes a character that wasnt in the movie, but i mean come on. like everything is right there in the text, the stuff she did was absolutely not out of nowhere

[shoutoismybaby]

Omega Shame Part 1

Summary: After spending most of your life on suppressants and ignoring your second gender, you finally decide to embrace who you are with your alphas support. But what happens when your alpha Bakugou walks in on you nesting and sparks memories of your past trauma?

warnings: ABO, Nesting, ANGST ending with fluff,

***

Nesting. This was something you hadn't even attempted since you were but a small pup. Both suppressants and fear had kept any desire for this activity far away from you, until a couple months ago. That was when you got a courting proposal, your first ever.

It was a necklace, and not just your typical alphas 'just learned how to make jewelry with string'. No. This necklace required welding, a skill you had no idea about, but that just made sense for your alpha to poses. The chain was a simple silver, leading down to a locket with intricate holes on its top layer, creating an almost explosive like design. The cloth that sat inside was a ruby red color that matched the alphas eyes, and the scent it held was strong of caramel and ash.

Of course if Bakugou was to make a courting gift, his was going to be the best you had ever seen.

You had wasted no time in placing the necklace around your neck, relaxing as his scent filled your nose. It was from this point that you knew Bakugou would make an amazing alpha for you. After all, if he put so much effort into the courting gift, you could only imagine the effort he would put into courting you. Even then in typical Bakugou fashion, he passed all expectations.

It started with the way he would make you lunches, walk you to wherever you needed to go, and made sure to give you a thorough scenting only after he got permission. He always showed concern for your physical and mental wellbeing, stopping you from pushing yourself too hard in training and even scolding you for your self deprecating jokes.

“No one gets to talk down about my omega. Especially not my omega.” He had growled at you once. Again Bakugou did something unexpected, making your omega purr at a growl.

It felt so nice to have someone who cared about you. Someone who encouraged you to stop hiding your second gender from everyone but those in your own class. Not that you had even let your class discover on purpose, but the stressful situations class A had gotten in over the years did wonders for wearing off suppressants and scent blockers. 

He, along with your other classmates, had been building up your confidence in your secondary sex for years now. Bringing you to the realization that being an omega didn't mean that you were weak or any less than betas or alphas. Momo and Ochako were omegas after all, and they were some of the strongest people you knew. So once you had gotten an alpha your omega was basically begging to be set free, and you didn't feel like you had to deny it anymore.

So here you were, after 3 months of being off of the medications your hormones and instincts were finally leveling back to normal. It was something you had never experienced before, but you had Bakugou to help support you along the way. That's why you needed his scent in your nest. No matter how nauseous you felt walking into the young alphas room while you knew he was training, your omega refused to continue the day without at least one peice of his clothing. More than that and you were sure you would be sent into a panic attack. You had no idea how he would react to you doing this. Would he be disgusted? Angry?

Ironically the only thing calming your thoughts was to continue building the nest. Pillows upon pillows methodically shoved between various stuffed animals and blankets became nest shaped as the time passed. Soon enough you were left with just one item left, one of his favorite skull shirts. You had wanted to take something he would miss less, but they weren’t drowned in his scent like this one was. You sat back into the middle of your nest to take a thorough look around. You didn’t want to take too long to decide a place for it by now as you were getting tired. Not to mention you were going to go out on a movie date with Bakugou so you also needed to get ready for that. You would have checked the time if you weren’t so fixated on your task, and that would turn out to be a huge mistake.

You had finally found the perfect place for his shirt when you heard your door open from behind you. In the middle of slipping the clothing item over your pillow you froze as your heart began to race. Your omega knew it was an alpha before you knew who it was and she let out a chirp before you could stop it.

All you could remember was the first time this had happened, an Alpha walking in on your nest. You were seven, not old enough to even present as an omega but tendencies could show early in childhood. You were excited and happily humming as you arranged your blankets, stuffed animals, and your parents best smelling clothes into small yet sturdy walls in the shape of an oval on your bed. You couldn’t help but feel safe, like you would no longer fall off your bed in the middle of the night, or that monsters or other intruders would quickly avoid hurting you once they got just a single sniff of your parents alpha scents. You were proud when you were finished and immediately snuggled into it for a nap, only to wake up to the scent of rotting eggs. A clear indicator your father was both near and very angry. All the yelling and trashing of your hard work that happened next was just a blur. But you could remember how you felt the entire time so vividly. The way your lungs seemed incapable of taking in air, the trembling of your hands and especially the weakness in your knees. Most of all, you remembered the absolute terror as your safe space was invaded. Adrenaline pumped through your veins as fast as your heart would allow it, and you could only sit back and watch.

It was that day that you first became aware that there was something wrong with you. Something gross, weak, and worth hating.

That’s why even when the scent of Bakugou filled your nose, your heart still didn’t slow down. In fact, it only sped up when you finally turned around to look at him, all of the hope you had gotten by convincing yourself he would be happy you were embracing yourself quickly diminishing. His brows furrowed more than normal and his mouth was set in a deep scowl, slightly open just enough that his naturally large canines poked out.

He was angry.

“Do you not know how to answer your fucking phone?! You were so eager to force me to agree to this date and then you don't even respond when I-” Your thoughts were racing far too fast to actually hear what he was saying. Your omega could only think of one thing, your alpha was angry with you. You messed up and now he was angry with you. It was just like your parents, you should have listened to them when they told you it was stupid to nest.

But you had worked so hard on it, and it made you feel so good. You didn’t want your nest to be torn apart again. The smell of smoke wafted from the alphas' palms as you were too caught up in your memories to really hear him. Hear how he was angry with you for forgetting about your date, angry that you had stood him up and too busy being upset to even notice that you were sitting in a nest. The smell of smoke invoked just another event in your mind, one that happened when you had first presented as an omega at 13. Something that caused the damn behind your eyes to finally break.

“PLEASE DON’T DESTROY MY NEST” You Omega sobbed, distressed chips flooding from your chest like air. “Please, please!”

Your outburst startled the Alpha into silence. He could only stand there and watch as his omegas scent was filled with fear as she wiped at her eyes aggressively. A first he was confused, letting his body pump out comfort pheromones instinctually as he let himself observe the situation. You were dressed only in your school uniform, clearly having been building the nest that surrounded you from the time you entered the dorm room to when he had burst into your room, now far past dark. You were trembling too, body curled up in on itself as you hiccupped and begged.

“Please, I'm sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorryyy! Just please dont destroy my nest.” Your voice cracked and it resonated painfully in his ear and his heart dropped. Why did you think he would destroy your nest? Sure he wasn't the best alpha but he wasn’t a monster. Did you really think he would destroy the one place where you felt safest? A weight grew in his chest that left as a deep growl,

“Here.” He growled, “Probably best if we just end this bullshit.”

This was all your fault. If you hadnt built this stupid nest in the first place, or even started crying like a fucking baby then this wouldnt have happened. But you were a weak omega, and just like your parents said, no one can love someone so weak. Especially not someone as powerful as Katsuki. You shouldn’t have let yourself believe that they were wrong for even a second. You had thought that Bakugou would be the one who would love you for who you truly were. But that was naive. No one could love such a burden. No one could love you.

The drop of the crafted bracelet to the ground seconds before your door slammed, leaving you alone once more in your room, proof enough of that.

Your parents were right.

A flame of anger lit in your chest. Why were you so unloveable just the way you were? Why couldn’t you just be different? Why couldn’t you be an alpha like your parents had wanted?

You could feel your nails extend into claws as the hair on your body raised. You glared at the soft material weaved together around you as hot tears built up behind your eyes. This time instead of being fueled by fear they were fueled by rage and resentment.

You were so angry. So angry at youself, at your weak omega, and especially at your stupid nest. You couldn't help but let a couple tears fall as you let your anger get the best of you, and you didn't stop it until you were heaving in the middle of your disaster of a room. Surrounded by torn pieces of fabric and the other contents of your room scattered by your tantrum, you finally let yourself breath. 

You turned around to see the item you had been avoiding, your pillow with bakugou's shirt. With a deep breath you grabbed a hold of the object, digging your claws into its plush softness. The caramel ash smell that permeated the air only helped to break down the remaining bits of your anger. And you didn’t want to be left alone with your despair just yet.

With the release of your breath a ripping sound could be heard. The shirt split and cotton popped out from the opening like popcorn. Once you had successfully dissected what had been a comfort item you threw it somewhere away from you and took another deep breath.

Now you were finally alone. Just you and your reality. You could really feel how much pain your omega was in as your hair began to lower and your normal nails returned. You had heard about this pain before. A deep one in your chest, heartbreak. Your omega seemed to curl around that feeling. Of rejection. Self hatred. That no one would ever need you, let alone want you. You could feel yourself start to slip into the limbo of numbness and searing pain.

An Omega Depression.

You remembered learning about it back when you were in middle school, most people were beginning to present as their second sex. Your teachers had emphasized how important it was to get medical attention at the first signs, you knew how dangerous it was, but all you wanted to do was lay there on the floor. You were tired, and what was the point? No one cared about you, not your parents… not Bakugou. Your throat strained painfully at that thought. Bakugou didn’t want you, and it was your fault.

[raevenlywrites]

Okay, so. The point I wanted to make earlier was something like this:

TL;DR: Not knowing that hyperfixations were a thing hurt me, and cost me not only enjoyment of a thing, but more serious social and emotional growth potential. More kids need access to a broader range of what Normal is, and Normal needs to be opened up and expanded to include things that are perfectly harmless because the harm of excluding those things is immeasurable.

(Did I just put a tldr at the START of my post? why yes I did. why? because i’m about to drop this entire damned ESSAY under a read more because it’s dash destroying (think of it as an abstract on a scientific paper) ... (no, it is nothing like an abstract on a scientific paper. wtf did I say that) ... (anyways))

(Can you tell its an ADHD night? are there enough parenthetical asides in this yet?)

...

(no)

.

ANYWAYS

When I was a teen, I read a book called In The Forests Of The Night. I’m sure you’ve heard me mention it before, but believe it or not, it was only TONIGHT that it occurred to me that this book and its fellows is my hyperfixation. Because, for the first TWO THIRDS OF MY LIFE, I didn’t know to think of myself as someone with hyperfixations. Hell, I didn’t even know what a hyperfixation was. I am one of the countless adults who has self diagnosed as ADHD or autistic or SOMETHING, and this is the story of how not having a diagnosis growing up hurt me.

So. I read this book. My now-wife-then-unbeknownst-crush gave it to me as part of our ignorant teen courtship. You’ll like this, she said, trying to share an interest with me in order to bond. Thank you, I said, not knowing I wanted to smooch her face. Unimportant, but I like reminding myself when I look at back my teen years how queer I already was without knowing. And this story is mostly for my benefit of getting it off my chest, so smoochy thoughts included.

So I read this book. It’s short, 200 pages or so, and if I’m honest with myself as an informed adult, nothing spectacular. It’s not bad, but its not ground breaking. None of the books are. But they broke new ground in Me, and what grew out of them has literally shaped the course of my entire personality.

Raev, I hear you say, it’s not great to base your entire personality on a bit of pop culture.

Shut up, I said, I’m telling this story and anyways insert-edgy-media-here dudebros have been doing it forever. Anyways.

So I read this book. I read it again, and again. I read all the books that went with it, but I stayed especially hung up on Forests. Why? Partially because it was the first one I read. Partially because the MC and I share a name, and therefore in my little teen head a connection. It was the first time “Rachel” felt like an identity, instead of just an identifier, and one that way too many of my classmates shared. Rachel was a badass, stifled by her Christian upbringing and the expectations of the day on women. I was a badass, stifled by my Christian upbringing and the expectations of the day on women. Rachel became a vampire, spiteful and spitfire the entire way. She did it on her own terms (so my teen reading of the text went), spurning every attempt of her kind to show her the ways of the vampire. She had a nemesis, a clear, concrete reason for her pain, and took charge of that pain and overcame it to be a complete and utter badass by the end of the book (again, so my teen reading went. Part of the problem here was my teenness. Part of it was my neurodivergence, which I will get to (you didn’t think this would be a SHORT story, did you? I warned you I have ADHD and that this was my hyperfixation; how did you think this was gonna go?))

So I identified heavily with the protag, and with its shocking author. This lifechanging book was written by a teen, like me! Holy cats, I said to myself, why, if she can do it, so can I! I had just started writing my own first novel (a shameless retelling of Star Wars, hyperfixation of my grade school years), and immediately trashed it to write my own vampire thing. Because vampires were clearly IT and I was gonna be a cool badass author hero, just like the MC of the second book.

Then the shapeshifter books came out, and so did I.

It’s really unrelated, but that was a fun transition, and as previously stated, author-type. Anyways.

So I came out to my girlcrush, angsted about that a lot, and continued to gobble up the books. Did you know there’s a website, she said. There’s like a whole fan community and everything.

Now, part of the problem here was being part of the first generation on the internet. It was relatively new, and so stranger danger and not being entirely comfortable on the internet and all that had its part to play. But this is also where the hyperfixation finally comes into play.

I liked Nyeusigrube A LOT. A lot a lot. So much so that I made my own conlang, my own mythos, my own entire story universe patterned after this one but not exactly this one. For whatever reason, it never occurred to me to self-insert, just to shamelessly copy. That one I can’t explain, but this one I can now understand through the lens of an adult.

Nyeusigrube was my especially special interest, and I had no idea that was a normal, healthy thing.

So tangled up in all this was my raised-too-conservative freak out about being Not Straight. I had finally figured out I liked girlfriend, if not that I was incredibly bisexual yet, and that was a Big Deal. Super cool author I hero-worshiped was one of those “Do I want to BE her or just want her?” kind of idolations, but again, didn’t know that at the time either. So these two very normal things that I knew NOTHING about were getting tangled together in a rat king of Issues with a generous slathering of Shame glue to hold them all together. Add to it the paranoia/RSD/general not-great-at-social sides of my neurodivergence, and basically I had decided I was Too Weird and liked this book Too Much and if I so much as LOOKED at the websites/forums/etc, everyone would know and that would be Bad.

Did I have a clear idea of how that would look? Not really? I didn’t need to. Just the thought of checking out the fansites was enough to send me into a panicking guilt/shame spiral about how much I enjoyed the books. Everyone will KNOW, I thought, and it will be BAD. The End. It was Not Normal how much I liked the books and I will freak everyone out.

So.

If I had just KNOWN that hyperfixations were a thing, I might have still felt weird, but I don’t think I would have AGONIZED (and I do mean fucking AGONIZED) over how shockingly Not Normal my level of interest went. I might have still felt bad, because I didn’t have a diagnosis, and therefore probably wouldn’t have given myself permission of admit I had a hyperfixation, but at least I wouldn’t have wallowed in ignorance. Now, if I’d had the knowledge and the diagnosis, I probably would have still been too shy to interact, but I wouldnt’ have wasted hours of my life in panicked/guilt/shame spirals. If I’d have a diagnosis and a support group? If I’d had a diagnosis and been raised with the normalization of being queer? If I’d had medication, role models, a safe place to open up and communicate, so on and so on? Like, you get the idea, right?

I consider myself immeasurably lucky that my love of writing and vampires and high school girlfriend survived all this. (My equally intense boy crush of the time did not (not because I don’t like boys but because I fell down another hyperfixation spiral and no PERSON should ever be subjected to that but I digress)). As I said, this is my especially special hyperfixation. I can’t imagine how many hours of enjoyment I might have gotten out of the forums, the fan arts, the roleplaying groups, the FRIENDSHIPS, my gods, can you imagine the friendships? Anyways, what I’m really saying is that it caused me real emotional Pain and Trauma, thinking something was Wrong with me for my level of interest. A lot of people have regrets about like not trying out for the team or not asking so and so out or whatever, but mine is a stupid fansite. I have deep and palpable regrets about letting my fear and shame keep me from something so harmless and silly, and as I said before I don’t think I have a concise or tidy ending, but this was what I wanted to say on the matter so there it is.

TL;DR: (hey, didn’t you already post this part? Yes, yes I did. I’m doing it again, but this time its the In Conclusion bit instead of the summary bit) ...(abstract. they’re called abstracts)...(this is still FAR from a scientific paper) (ANYWAYS) Not knowing that hyperfixations were a thing hurt me, and cost me not only enjoyment of a thing, but more serious social and emotional growth potential. I was stunted and harmed by this lack of education, and I guess my point is I hope no one else has to go through that. If my stupid little story can fix a thing, I want it to be that. More kids needs access to a broader range of what Normal is, and Normal needs to be opened up and expanded to include things that are perfectly harmless because the harm of excluding those things is immeasurable. Thank you for coming to my TED talk

[pastelastronomy24]

A Different Day

Part 1

Peter Parker x Black!Plus Sized OC (Elara Dawson)

A/N: Oh. Well this is awkward... I said I was going on hiatus didn’t I? 🤷🏾‍♀️ oops. Anyways I’ve been writing this thing in my head for MONTHS. And she decided to take form on this day today, so here I am writing on my phone until I can get a new laptop.

Warnings: the first part of this is very angsty. TRIGGER WARNING for anyone suffering from depression or anyone who’s experienced emotional abuse ; this is an aged up Freshman year of College Peter Parker; I decided to make this set at NYU for plot and convenience sake.

Description: A cute little fic about Elara Dawson, and what happens when meeting Peter Parker changes her life.

—————————————

Elara Dawson had been waiting for this day since the reality that life was everything less than pleasant presented itself. Years of her life were spent in a broken home. A home that fostered a desensitizing amount of pain. A home where she learned growing up without receiving love, was every excuse to grow up giving love.

Elara couldn’t place the exact moment in which she realized her mother began to despise her, but she could tell you when her father became complacent. She was 12. Elara could tell you the exact number of how many times she’d thought she had finally reached her limit for living. Exactly 46. She could tell you about all the times her mother physically recoiled and yelled at her for reaching for a hug. A whopping 266. She could tell you how many hours she spent pleading for her mother to understand that she was hurting her, and how many hours her mother spent telling her that these were lies constructed in her mind, that she was a selfish brat who didn’t know how hard life really was. Approximately 1,616 hours, called ‘Selfish’ 86 times, and ‘Brat’ 105.

“You always want to make me out to be the bad guy!!”

“So what I took some of your money, I fucking raised you!”

“All the money I’ve spent on you your entire fucking life and you’re screaming blood murder over $700 you fucking brat”

“I had my stomach sliced open and my guts pulled out to bring your selfish stingy ass into this world.”

Elara had given up on fighting years ago, and came to the conclusion that everything was her fault, and her father could never seem to say it wasn’t her fault.

“Maybe you should try to understand how she feels”

“You’re being over dramatic”

“It’s hard being a parent”

No matter the context, the day, the time, or the argument, it seemed like her dad was more concerned about shutting her up than the fact that her own mother had drove her thoughts to dark and terrible places. But she had gotten used to the pain. Everyone who knew how hard it was for Elara had verbatim always told her “Stick it out, pain sucks, but it makes you stronger” and she had to physically stop herself from either hurling or hurling someone into the sun. The idea that pain would make her stronger angered her. Because she was fragile. She was used to pain but it never made her tougher, or at least she didn’t see it. To Elara, it was illogical to simplify pain like that. Everyone experiences pain in different ways, and thinking of pain as black and white was dangerous, out of touch thinking.

Whatever the case, she came to realize that she was not- in fact- a bad daughter. If she was, she would have used her superhuman advantages and blasted her parents out of existence a long time ago. Sometimes, she thought about what would happen to her if she had let the light coursing through her veins release from her fingertips right into her parents darkened hearts. Sometimes she thought about letting her mind loose, and using it to fling her parents out of her house and far up into the sky. But just as quickly as those thoughts came, they went away and were placed with an immense amount of disgust and horror. She never wanted to cause her parents pain no matter how much they caused her. She just wanted them to love her.

Elara decided to turn her pain, into endless amounts of love and humor. Besides being a natural comedian, she was genuinely caring. When she entered high school, she knew that everyone was going through something. And if anyone was going through a fraction of what she was going through, even if it wasn’t the same pain, she was there. Her friends could never understand how someone had the patience and resilience to continue to give support, regardless of whether or not she needed some herself.

Her experience in dealing with peoples pain and her own pain, led her down the path of psychology, which she would be studying in NYU. Getting into her dream school was incomprehensible, and well, a dream. When she got her acceptance letter she didn’t cry, or really react. It was like her brain had evacuated the premises and took a vacation. Everything felt unreal, and it wasn’t until the very long car ride had ended, and she pulled into the school lot that she realized she had made it.

The tears were almost as chunky as she was as they glided down her plush cheeks, some landing on her full lips. Quiet sobs racked her entire body as she put the car in park and continued to sob, a blissful smile gracing her lips despite the circumstance.

‘Deep breath’ she furiously wiped away her tears, the smile never leaving her now reddened puffy face.

“I made it.” A long sigh escaped her body, a sigh she had been holding for years. Just like the pain of herself and others she had let it go. She had an opportunity to start over. THE opportunity to start over. She might not have had anyone here to help her move in, but just like everything in her life before today, she was ready to take it head on.

Only, she didn’t have to.

As soon as Elara stepped out of her Nissan Versa, she was met with the smile of a kind brown face.

“Hello! Welcome to NYU, my name is Maria I’m a sophomore here, and I’m going to be helping you settle in today!” She was a very pretty girl, with a thick head full of long brown tresses. She adorned thick black glasses similar to Elara’s, except unlike Elara the bridge connecting the two frames was gold. She was wearing a purple ‘NYU’ shirt that seemed to be a little to big for her as she had tied the excess of the shirt off with a black hair tie. The rest of her look was a complementary pair of blue jeans that had a “#NYU” patch sewn into her front side pocket, and a pair of slightly worn out black vans. Elara smiled at Maria and reached out to shake her hand.

“Hello, I’m Elara.” She spoke simply and firmly, her handshake matching the energy of her introduction. Elara could tell that Maria had a generous soul from looking at how excited she seemed to meet her, and it made her all the more excited for new friends and new opportunities.

“Elara is such a beautiful name, and it fits you so well!” Maria smiled before continuing “I’m apart of the NYU Admissions Department, and like I mentioned before I’m here to help you move in! Our department was made to help incoming students feel a little bit less stressed, and get a little more help because we understand how strange this transition can be.”

The way Maria’s eyes lit up as she was talking to Elara made her realize that she was finally in a place where she could be just as happy if not more about helping people.

“So, in about two minutes Bryce, Kara and Kaiden are gonna help you move all your stuff up to your dorm, but in the meantime follow me to the front so we can get your dorm key and your key card yeah?” The pep in Maria’s step couldn’t have been hidden if she tried as she started towards the direction of the check in area.

“So, what’s your major sis?” Elara realized that Maria never told her, and she was silently hoping they would share the same one. “Oh shoot that’s right, I forgot to tell you. I’m a Biology major. I’ve been obsessed with the subject since I knew it existed. I didn’t know you could major in it until my junior year of high school though, as dumb as that sounds.” Elara had to laugh, because it sounded like something she herself wouldnt have realized either.

“That’s not dumb, believe me I would have never known either.” She sighed before continuing “I guess that means since you’re a sophomore and a bio major this is probably the last time we’ll see each other on this gigantic campus.” Elara was sad at the prospect that it seemed likely they’d never speak again, but when she peered over at Maria she was met with a warm smile. Maria pulled out her phone and pulled up the number pad.

“That doesn’t have to happen. Here, put your number in. If you want to hang out or if you want a refresher about what’s on campus let me know.”

The smile that stuck itself to Elara’s face was the biggest she’d had in a very long time. She couldn’t place the feeling. It was like a bubbling in the pit of her stomach. A warmth that had spread all over her body.

Ah,

hope. The feeling was hope.

It was pretty funny. Hilarious in fact. Peter had spent the last 6 months after getting a full ride to NYU, trying to convince his Aunt May that he’d be okay. That NYU wasn’t all that far away, and living on campus wouldn’t be dangerous. That he could maintain the new normal of an adult life, and the old responsibility of being the part-time Friendly Neighbor Spider-Man (and the occasional Avenger). Peter wanted the full experience of a struggling college kid, but as he stood in his new empty dorm, he realized he had no idea what he was doing.

“Oh god” Peter put down the box of hangers he was carrying and sat on his empty extra long twin mattress. For the last five-ish years, Peter had lived based on instinct and responsibility. Everything in his high school life was so hectic, nothing ever stopped for Peter. This new life of Peter Parker, the NYU Biochemistry Major wasn’t anything he was in the realm of being prepared for. Being Spider-Man sounded a hell of a lot easier than being a college freshman right about now. In his haze of assuring his Aunt that everything would be okay, fighting crime, finishing school, and preparing for the move, Peter hadn’t had the time to digest his new reality. He was starting a whole new life.

Well, not whole new.

Ned and MJ would both be attending NYU as well as a Computer Science and Psychology Major respectively (surprisingly this was completely coincidental and unplanned on their part.). And of course he would still be active in his superhero role. But it was different. Peter was used to being on an invisible leash. The protocols Tony placed in all his suits, him mainly being stationed and secluded to Queens, and his Aunts overprotective nature never truly allowed Peter to experience independence. It was something he craved but wasn’t ready to experience.

And now he really didn’t have a choice.

“Come on Peter. You’re Spider-Man. If you can lay out Captain America you can get through move in day.” That’s what he tried to tell himself anyway. He may have had superpowers and a super I. Q, but he also had super anxiety and social anxiety. And the truth of the matter was that even though college allowed more freedoms and free time, he wouldn’t be able to solely rely on MJ and Ned for companionship. He needed to expand his horizons, try something way out of his depth.

It was time to integrate himself into society (well, campus life. )

Physics SUCKED. Elara may have had a stellar I.Q, and genius level writing and comprehension skills, but cold hard numbers were not her niche. Sure in high school her math and science skills were above average, but only slightly. They had put her in advanced math and science classes her freshmen year in high school, and it was all down hill from there. Every year, her teachers never let her drop down a level despite a vast amount of begging and pleading, so she spent most of her years acing all her subjects, but barely scrapping by in Math and science with a C+.

College wasn’t any different. She was struggling and embarrassed to her core about it. She was doing so subpar that her professor set up a meeting for her and a private tutor. Apparently this tutor was some kind of science genius as he was taking a science that wasn’t required to meet his hour requirements or his major. He just liked taking Physics. From what her professor told her, he was a very good tutor and would probably be the best option for her. Only problem? He tutored at the ass crack of the morning.

Well, she was being dramatic. 8 am wasn’t the ass crack of the morning. She was lucky that she didn’t start classes until 10 on most days of the week because she had previous hours stocked up from high school, but the thought of doing physics that early in the morning made her want to shoot herself.

So, when her alarm went off at 7 am for the first time in three months, she couldn’t control herself. Before she could open her eyes she crushed the alarm to a pulp with her mind.

“Shiiiiiit. I don’t have cash for a new alarm. “ she groaned and rose up from her bed, her warm marble comforter slipping from her torso. She knew it would end up being a good idea that she bought an alarm in the first place. She feared had she decided to use her phone alarm, it would have been bye bye for her cellular device. ‘Speaking of cellular device’ she thought, Elara unplugged her phone and the first thing she saw was a message from MJ.

Big Weirdo 🖤: Wake your butt up before you’re late for tutoring. You know it takes you 20 minutes to finish putting on your wig.

Just like Michelle to call her out. She was absolutely correct but still. Elara laughed and sent a quick ‘thanks I’m up 😂. And it only takes 10 now I’ve evolved.’ And let out a monster of a stretch/yawn combo.

Big Weirdo🖤: Good luck pooh 😪. Don’t forget the government knows when you masturbate.

Elara choked. If she wasn’t awake before her ass was awake now.

‘Uh well I guess it’s a great thing I don’t masturbate. 🤦🏾‍♀️’ She put her phone down and reached into her closet and drawers, pulling out her underwear and outfit for the day. She walked out of her room and into the common area, seeing that MJ’s door was wide ass open as always and despite the fact that she was texting her a minute ago, she was fast asleep. With a short laugh she quietly closed MJ’s door and went into their shared bathroom to take a shower and get ready.

She inspected her outfit intensely (a habit she swore she would break) analyzing every piece of clothing and how it laid on her body. In high school you would have never caught her wearing a pair of short jeans shorts, but here she was today doing that very thing. Tucked into her black jean shorts was a maroon colored plaid cami, which she’d accompanied with a black, long sleeved, ankle length cardigan. Did she have a pudgy stomach and huge thighs?? Yes. Was she insecure about it?? More than anything. She was a size 18 and some days that number would leave her crying in a mirror. She couldn’t find it in herself to ignore her round face and full cheeks, or her arm fat and stomach fat and well, fat fat. And when she could, her very sensitive skin would would laugh at her. “You thought” she could practically hear it saying as her eczema came back every time, angry and aggressive due to literally anything. Stress, heat, PMS, intense cold, perfume, yes even fucking laundry detergent.

But she was older now, and she forced herself out of her comfort zone. She wanted to work on herself so that she didn’t spend her first four years of freedom hiding in black jeans and pullover hoodies. She would try to not focus on the eczema scars covering her legs (on first glance they looked like freckles.). She would try not to fret over the slight discoloration on her face. It was a different day, and she would treat it as such.

Elara grabbed her backpack and phone, scuttling out of her dorm room off to find her new tutor.

Peter was nervous. It’s not like he hadn’t tutored anyone before, it was just how he felt every time he had to teach someone new. He hoped they didn’t hate him because he was a freshman, but logically he knew this was college, most people didn’t care. He hoped he could speak concisely enough to help whoever he was tutoring and without fail, every one of his previous tutored classmates commended him on the clarity in which he explained things. He tended to over analyze everything he did when it came to tutoring, but he had a stellar track record thus far. Despite all of these things, Peter could never seem to calm down the first day of meeting a new peer.

During the first month of school, his professors noticed his exceptional intelligence and suggested he try tutoring. Peter’s ears perked up at this because it was the opportunity he had been looking for. He promised himself he would branch out and try doing things that would -at first- make him feel uncomfortable, but could benefit him in the long run. His Physics tutor had suggested that Peter charge for his services, but it didn’t feel right. Sure, Peter was broke, but that gave him more incentive to not charge students. He knew how hard it was to keep change in your pocket during college, and he didn’t want to break some poor students bank just because they needed a little extra help. He accepted the suggestion and had been tutoring for almost three months. Peter decided when he started that he would tutor in the mornings so that he could patrol in the evenings and late at night. He knew it was probably annoying to the people he was tutoring, but it couldn’t be helped. Crime didn’t stop just because Peter wasn’t a 16 year old in spandex anymore.

He’d been up since 6 am running on 3 hours of sleep, anxiety, and sugary black coffee but he would manage. Besides, Peter had been in worse condition. He’d thrown on a black T-shirt that read “May the kg.m/s^2 be with you” in bold yellow lettering (a completely appropriate choice for tutoring physics) and a pair of dark blue jeans. He re-tied his black converse, slung on his jansport back pack and left his dorm ready for the day.

🖤✨🖤✨🖤✨🖤✨🖤✨🖤✨🖤✨🖤✨

This story is my baby and I love her so very much 😪😊. This was super fun to write and I’m happy to exclaim that ITS THE LONGEST THING I’VE WRITTEN ON THIS APP!!! I’m excited for the future of this lil thing and hope you all are too.

As usual if you wanna be tagged let me know. And if you don’t then don’t be afraid to tell me 😊.

Also please y’all please understand. This is my first OC since I was a baby writer on Wattpad who had no idea what she was doing. If you guys would please leave feedback and reblogs it would mean the world to me.

It’s important to me that I mention the face/body claim for Elara Dawson will be Nerdabouttown!! Her name is Steph and her blog is beautiful and amazing just like her. You all should check her out, her energy is unmatched by anyone I’ve seen and you can feel it through the way she writes.

Here’s a link to her blog (please check her out 😊)

Taglist

@thememoireeofme @danandphiltheavengers @marvelmaree @thequeerishere555 @steveslulbaby @non-stop-imagines @canumoveurseatup-no @deansbbysblog @here-for-your-bullshit @melaninfics @thisismysecrethappyplace

[imaginedisish]

Take On Me (Otis Milburn x Reader) (Sex Education)

A/N: THIS TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE OMG. OKAY UMMMM THANK YOU FOR 300 FOLLOWERS. I KINDA CRIED BECAUSE YOU’RE ALL SO AMAZING. ANYWAY...here’s some smut :) hehehehe! This was SUPER requested. The title is based on the Aha song of the same name. My friends tell me I look like the girl who dances to this song in that vine...so if you ever wanna know what I look like, I kinda look like her??? ANYWAY... I hope you alllll enjoy :) Thank you for all the love and support <3 xxxxx (oh and Colin Ritman smut is up next LOL BYE)

Summary: You and Otis decide that it’s time to take things to the next step in your relationship....for the first time...SMUT!

Warnings: SMUT. SMUT. SMUT. language...fluff...yeppers. 

Word Count: 2,124

Also...I made a part two that I’ll link here!

You walk down the road, your hand in his, giggling, talking about anything and everything that comes to your mind. Your yellow sundress sways in the wind, a smile plastered across your face.

“I mean you’re lying if you say you wouldn’t kill to go back to 1979 and see Joy Division live!” Otis says, his ocean eyes glowing in the moonlight. You stare into them, drowning wave after wave. 

“Well sure, but what about Lou and Bowie?” You say back, arching a brow in Otis’s direction. He nods, agreeing. “You rather see Joy Division, don’t you?” You ask, laughing a bit. You knew when Otis was holding something back from you. You could see it in his eyes, or simply in the way he held himself. He gets fidgety and restless. 

“O-okay w-well m-maybe. Yes. I’d rather see Joy Division,” Otis says finally, an apologetic smile spreading across his face. 

He was too cute to even care that he disagreed with you. “Oh well,” You say, pausing, throwing your hands up in surrender. “I guess I just have better taste than you.” You giggle loudly. 

“Guess I’ll just have to accept that my girlfriend is far cooler than I ever will be,” Otis says back, throwing his hands up to meet yours, grabbing them softly. He plants a kiss on your forehead, and you hum with pleasure. It was little moments like these that made your heart sing, no matter how innocent or small. 

You two continuing walking, your hand still in his. Otis had been your boyfriend for about two months, but you and he had been friends for much longer. Everything seemed so perfect, except for one thing. 

Sex. 

It wasn’t necessarily taboo in your relationship, you and Otis had talked about it before, but, you were a virgin, and so was he. Obviously, there was no problem with that. But you had both gotten to the point where you genuinely wanted each other. Otis was over his intimacy issues, thanks to you, and you felt like you were ready to take your relationship to the next step. 

You see Otis’s house up a head, the massive, red, Queen Anne style home still vibrant in the dark of night. A few lights are still on inside the house, but it was likely that Otis’s mother had gone to bed. It was late. Stars hang carefully in the night sky, dancing over a round, full moon. The trees sway in the crisp summer wind. Otis stops for a second, taking both your hands in his. 

“Do you want to, m-maybe, c-come inside?” Otis asks nervously, biting his lip. You can’t help but smile. 

“Yeah, yeah I’d like that,” You say, pulling him along the path as you walk forward. He stumbles a bit, tripping over his own feet as he catches up with you. Eventually you two approach the front door. 

Otis puts a finger to his lips, cautioning you to be quiet. You nod your head in response. Otis slowly opens the door, trying to make as little noise as possible. The door creeks loudly, and Otis’s turquoise eyes fling open widely, filling with anxiety. You let out a small giggle, covering your mouth immediately after, trying to suppress your laughter. Normally, sneaking around was “sexy”, but not with Otis. He was so adorable, so cute. 

“Now that’s not fair. My sneaking skills are quite good, ya know,” Otis whispers, a smirk plastered on his face. You smile, shaking your head in disbelief. Then, Otis grabs your hand, pulling you swiftly into the dimly light house. He shuts the door behind you, and guides you up the stairs and into his room. 

You somehow successfully reach Otis’s room without banging into anything, or worse, waking his mother up. He closes the door to his room, and slides the brass lock into place. 

Your eyes gloss over his room. His bed sat in the center of the attic like space, the walls covered in different band posters. You spot a giant Joy Division poster next to his bed, and a The Stranglers poster right next to that. 

On the other side of the room was a bookcase, holding Otis’s extensive collection of records and books. You walk over to the case, scanning to see which records he had. Not to your surprise, the boy had everything from Arcade Fire, to Arctic Monkeys, to the Beatles, to Nirvana.  

The room screamed Otis. It was a perfect personification of his personality, and you loved it. 

Otis smiles at you softly, grabbing your hand again, and walking you over to the bed. He sits down on the edge of the twin mattress, and you sit down next to him. Otis looks deeply into your eyes, his aquamarine gaze filling your stomach with excitement. Your heart flutters in your chest. 

“I know that we’ve been talking a lot about…” Otis trails off. He swallows harshly, his Adam’s apple bopping in his throat. “W-well about sex. If you don’t feel comfortable with this I completely unders-,” 

You cut him off before he can finish his sentence. “I want this, Otis. I really do.”

“A-are you sure?” He asks, arching a brow. 

“Yes, I’m positive.”

Without any hesitation, Otis’s hands come up to cup your cheeks, and he pulls you into a hungry kiss. His tongue brushes against your top lip, asking for permission to enter. You part your lips slightly, as his tongue dances across your teeth, intertwining with your tongue every now and then. You pull apart for a second, trying to catch your breath. 

Otis breathes deeply as his hand brushes against your inner thigh, his eyes refusing to leave yours. You melt under his touch. He slowly moves higher, searching your eyes for permission. You nod your head eagerly in response. 

His hand then makes its way closer to you core, and you whimper in anticipation. Otis slowly pushes your flowing yellow dress up. 

“I know I already asked but I just want to-,”

You cut him off again. “Otis, I want you.” He nods, pushing your dress up farther. His hand slides up your thigh again, reaching towards your heat. His thumb begins to brush against your clit over your panties, getting faster each second. 

A muffled moan escapes your lips. Otis smirks, and stops. You send a disapproving frown in his direction, but to your delight, Otis slowly begins to pull at the hem of your panties. He takes his time as he gets down on the floor, and slips them off your legs. 

You decide it’s time to turn the tables a bit. Your hand reaches across Otis’s thigh as he sits back up on the bed. You begin to palm him through his jeans. 

“F-fuck,” Otis groans loudly. You quickly put a single finger up to his lips, signaling for him to be quiet. His mother is most likely just down the hall, you think to yourself. 

Otis nods, and you continue to palm his shaft through his blue jeans, his erection growing. You slowly unzip his pants, undo his belt and pull down his jeans. You reach down to continue palming him, but he grabs your hand before you can do anything else.

“No. My turn to make you feel good,” Otis says, pushing you down on the bed. You’re shocked at Otis’s sudden confidence, but pleased nonetheless. He pulls your yellow sundress over your head, revealing your lacy bra underneath. 

“My god you're gorgeous.” Heat rises to your cheeks. 

Otis’s hand travels across your chest, down your stomach, finally resting on your heat. He begins to play with your clit again, circling the spot slowly with his thumb. 

“O-otis,” You call out, your eyes falling shut, a fire beginning to burn in the pit of your stomach. 

“Do you like that?” Otis asks, rubbing faster now. You open your eyes, nodding your head up and down eagerly. 

“Y-yes,” You mutter. You had touched yourself before, but this felt so much different. It felt amazing. Suddenly, you feel Otis’s finger slide over your wet opening. He looks to you for permission once again. “Y-yes please.” He does as you say, sliding a finger into your opening. 

“Tell me what feels good, and what doesn’t,” Otis says, his eyes wide with concern. 

“H-holy shit,” You cry out, pleasure washing over you. Otis shushes you politely, a smirk stretching across his face. “Th-this f-feels r-really g-good.”

The feeling of Otis’s finger filling you up, and his thumb toying with your clit begins to become overwhelming. You were seconds away from coming, and you knew it. 

“O-otis, I think I’m going t-to,” You stutter as Otis picks up his pace, inserting another finger, the sensation itself practically sending you over the edge. He thrusts become even faster. In, out, in out, in out.  

“Shuuuush, let go love,” Otis coos. Your walls flutter around his fingers. 

“F-fuck! Otis!” You shout, coming around his fingers. Otis lessens his pace, and pulls out of you. “M-my god that was a-amazing.” You laugh, pulling Otis closer to you. “I want you, Otis. I need you.” Otis’s jaw drops. He quickly reaches over to the nightstand next to him, grabbing a condom from the drawer. He unwraps the packaging, slowly slipping the condom over his hard cock.

You hurriedly pull off his shirt, kissing him passionately at any chance you get. You yank down Otis’s boxers, revealing his hard member. Otis takes his erected cock into his hand, looking to your eyes one more time for permission. You nod your head in response as he lines himself up with your entrance. 

Suddenly, Otis’s cock fills pushes through your folds and inside of you. 

“Oh sh-shit,” Otis mutters, burying his head in your neck, and then pushing himself up again. 

“H-holy f-fuck,” You cry out, tears rushing to your eyes. You knew it would feel different than fingering yourself, or how Otis had just fingered you, but this was different than what you expected. It hurt, but just for a second. After some time, the pain began to subside. Otis waits a minute, making sure you’ve adjusted to his size. 

“A-are you alright?” Otis asks, brushing your cheek with his hand. 

“Y-yes,” You mutter. 

“Are you sure. We can stop if you don’t want to go any further,” Otis says, his voice kind and reassuring. 

“No, I want this. I want you,” You say back to him, passion in your eyes. Otis nods, and begins to thrust in and out of you gently. The pain erases itself, and is replaced by total and utter pleasure. “F-fuck Otis.”

“(Y/N),” Otis hums as he quickens his pace. His cock was hard. It felt so good. “M-my g-god you’re so f-fucking wet,” Otis coos. His words alone could make you come. 

Otis’s hand reaches down to your clit, and he begins to toy with it again. You dig your fingernails into his back, practically ready to scream in pleasure as he draws circles at your heat. Otis begins to lose his rhythm, his thrusts becoming extremely sloppy.

“I’m, I’m g-going to c-come,” Otis cries out shakily as a fire pools in your lower abdomen. 

“M-me too,” You breath heavily. Your walls tighten around Otis’s pulsating cock. “Otis!” You cry out, coming around him. 

“Oh-oh fuck,” Otis moans, letting go, thrusting deeply into you one last time.

Otis pulls out of your opening, crashing down on the bed, next to you. You lay there for some time, not saying anything, just enjoying each other’s company.

“That was…” You trail off. “Absolutely perfect.” You turn on your side to face Otis. He’s beaming with joy. He reaches a hand to your face, pushing the hair out of your eyes. 

“Yeah, just like you,” He smirks, wrapping his arms around you and pulling the covers over you two. 

“I love you, Otis,” You whisper into his ear. 

“I love you, (Y/N),” Otis murmurs. Your eyes flutter closed, and open again, becoming heavy with sleep. You press your face into Otis’s chest, pressing kisses there. 

“You know you aren’t just some guy in the corner, right? You’re special. You’re so fucking special,” You say, looking up to him. His diamond eyes meet your gaze. 

“And you know you’re more important and more beautiful than every star in the galaxy, right?” You smile against his chest, pressing a kiss on his collarbone. 

You really did love that boy, far more than words could ever say.  

Far more than anything else. 

[limelocked]

Naruto OCS???? Do tell us about them

oh now youve got me started!

i made a post about their history (very general) in this post so ill talk more about their personalities and things that stand out about them cuz i love them

so the tldr is that they’re an off shoot of the uchiha clan from the first great ninja war when yokumo fucked straight off from konoha due to 75% paranoia that turned to 99% paranoia when he left but cant go back now! hed be a rogue nin! so he settles down in the land of grass with Asaro the most best girl character ive ever made. She’s a tailor/seamstress/weaver in this tiny village and she just radiates chill, shes been your mom friend since grade 2 and will continue to be your mom friend until death

yokumo is Stressed and Strict because my dude has the sharingan so when they have three kids (not at the same time hot damn) he decides like any good parent to just refuse to let them use their eye powers at all (note: this is probably not a good parenting tecnique)

tenjo is the oldest daughter and she idolizes her dad so fucking much dude and shes fighty, boy pulls her hair and gets an ass whopping , shes the queen of the village kids but with different leading skills than her mom. she legit saw yokumo use jutsu ONCE and went “oh hell yeah time to be ninja”

yokumo said no

jiyuro is the middle kid and he just vibes dude, hes a normal easy going kid that reaps the reward of being the sibling of the queen of kids, hes also the kind of bastard that can and will use his sharingan to cheat in exams, something he can only pull of thanks to the babiest brother 30 under 30 ninja luminary chiban who cant use the sharingan but damn is that boy neck deep in genjutsu training

chiban put like all his dnd leveling towards genjutsu and some taijutsu so he wouldnt mcfucking die in the middle of a fight in the event that his genjutsu fails. his illusions are amazing tho and real specialised, he can make you believe that those eyes? those red eyes with weird dots in em? yeah totally normal, you didnt see shit. the same with cuts and bruises, dude specialices in detailed genjutsu instead of haha you got caught in a plant or some of the other ridiculus shit naruto characters do

now tenjo gets married not once, not thrice but two times, first time to your local imported bitch boy hatsunaio ha’ame whos playing the longest con in existance aka he “falls in love” with tenjo and gets married, has a kid, all so he can confirm that the clan has the sharingan to report back to konoha cuz that aint right, sharingan outside of konoha and even more sharingan outside a hidden village

fear not tought! imported asshoe gets killed by tenjo with the sweet loot of the mangekyou sharingan and Trauma!

her second marrage is 4-5 years later with drinker of respecting woman juice Tsumashin Aishika who had been a family friend since a bit after ha’ame got what was coming to him. Aishika is super patient and just Kind Man, if only he was stupid and buff he would be a himbo but he’s average and kinda smart so Good Dad will have to do. He likes to read and is a wood worker.

Tenjos kids are a fucking story too, btw hope you wanted a long long post cuz youve really gotten me started now

Renge, the kid she had with Ha’ame, is the oldest and she doesnt remember her dad at all, shes been called a clone of her mom with the fightyness and the “wow cool! need to learn that!” reaction to jutsu. Shes impulsive if shes on her own and the worlds biggest glass canon in a fight because she has trash chakra stores and the impatience to skip on learning to distrobute it properly, she also has the vibration style kekkei genkai (lightning + wind) which just eats up her chakra 

first kid with Aishika is Hotoki whos like her mom but EXTREME, shes the naruto of the kadzuki fam, impatient, a brat and ready to throw down instantly, shes stubborn as fuck and she wants to be the Tsukikage, a position that doesnt exist for a village that doesnt exist in a land that already has a hidden village. her family is supportive tho

last kid is Makuto whos one of only three kids in this clan thats youngler than naruto. his life starts of great by killing his mom with complications during birth giving him absolutly no problems down the road, nope, haha. Hes pretty reserved and likes his grandmas craft better than his grand dads so he takes up tailoring and later pottery, hes a fast learner 100% because of the sharingan

then we have jiyuros wife Pantama Hoshi, shes friend shaped and radiates chill like asaro. they met while team one (aka tenjo, jiyuro and chiban) was out at another town for a mission. shes a gardener and grows medicinal herbs along with real good flowers. theyre by far the most calm parents in the family and basically became foster parents for Tenjos kids once she died so yes, they have two dads. Hoshi can and will support you in anything thats not plain out stupid

Jiyuros first kid is Nishi whos good and cautious, shes the single kid in the budding team 2 that thinks things through properly before doing something, but too much, shes a pesemist, and probably has anxiety, on the upside all of the plans shes involved with goes without a hitch because she provides endless “what if bad thing happens” scenarios, in the downside plans take so much longer because of said what ifs, she specialises in sealing and summoning but really really wants to be a medical ninja because you see what if someone gets hirt! what if renge becomes dumb bitch during a mission and gets hurt because shes a glass canon

the second kid is Takuhi whos the mediating voice of reason that pushes Renge to listen to what ifs and makes Nishi remember that sometimes improv is whats needed during a mission, hes on the cautious until proover otherwise side. He hangs out with Yokumo a lot and is slowly inhereting his paranoia and or world waryness

TIME FOR MY FAVE BRANCH

Chibans family is amazing because i love them, his wife Yamatora Seiho, usually called by her last name, is an ex shinobi from the land of grass (she freaked Tenjo out a bunch after the Ha’ame bullshit went down) thats just so fucking done with the kage and government so she went to do that good good farming cottage core life but shes really not suited for it. shes ready to throw the fuck down at any time but shes also kind to her kids and real serious

she also had a previous marrage that ended in good ol murder (not her killing her husband for once in this clans history) but basically she took her at the time 5 y/o son Usagi with her and Chiban said fuck it join the family instantly

Usagi feels so fucking left out tho cuz he wants to be included in the playing the other kids do but he cant manage to care about that whole ninja thing plus he doesnt have eye powers and just why bother, so instead he goes to Asaro and asks her to be his teacher, he also becomes a barber in the town because my god did Jiyuro really just almost cut his sons ear off???

THEN THE TWINS!!

Hikame and Yorukoi are twin girls and the other two that’re younger than naruto in the clan, theyre 9 when hes 12. They spend their time usually together or with Hotoki and Makoto since Usagi is 13 years older than them and Renge, Nishi and Takuhi are team 2 on missions a lot. Yorukoi really loves animals and looks up to Nishi because holy shit mom she can summon animals with only a lil blood holy fuck meanwhile Hikame likes art and drawing the aimals Yurokoi comes sprinting home to tell everyone she found

The twins and Hotoki will make up Team 3 just as soon as Yokumo lets them because oops a few years ago the whole konoha branch of the uchiha got fucking annihilated and we might be next.com 

[bloodmonastery]

widomauk is good. a discussion.

oftentimes, the way that it’s portrayed in fandom is as if theyre perfect for each other, or that theyre destined to fall in deep love with each other by some higher power, but i think i personally like a widomauk where it’s entirely natural, imperfect and unintentional. somewhat more realistic, in other words.

maybe they make out once or twice, and they start acting as lovers without consciously acknowledging it. molly hangs off of caleb’s shoulders and caleb, well, caleb doesnt fight him about it. theres a new familiarity between them that the rest of the nein begin to notice, even when the two of them dont. they trip and fall into each other more often than they make any intentional moves, and because of the nature of accidental attraction they get to know and trust each other more, bit by bit, at their own paces.

they would balance each other well, especially as they slip into the natural kind of relationship (not necessarily romantic) that is one in a million. when caleb gets stuck in his own head, molly’s there to help him pull himself out. he kisses caleb’s forehead and tells him, “time for that later. come on,” and caleb follows him to safety. meanwhile, caleb is molly’s impulse control. he counters molly’s sometimes insatiable curiosity and excitement, and knows when to shoot him down. he does his best to help him find a safer, more rational means for his wild ends. he supports him as much as he can.

it wouldnt be an entirely balanced relationship in all aspects, of course. caleb has a lot more emotional baggage than molly does, for example. but still, molly would know when to ask caleb for a break, and caleb wouldnt force his baggage onto him. more often than not, molly would be the one to coax caleb’s worries out of the tight hold in which he keeps them.

and molly wouldnt know when or IF caleb is ever going to heal completely, but in his opinion, the rest of caleb is worth the pain that comes with loving a man whose scars are just as much on the inside as on the outside. in a conversely similar way, caleb wouldnt ask molly any questions about his past. he accepts him for who he is now, as he is well aware of the importance of second chances and a person’s chosen identity.

in this ship they love each other, for sure. but as much as love is a feeling, it’s also a conscious choice. i think i love the idea of widomauk so much because caleb and molly wouldn’t ignore the difficult choice that it is to love someone, but they would choose to love each other anyway. and wow this became a bit of an essay huh...

if youve gotten this far through my rambling i appreciate you lots and i’m interested in what you have to say about the ship too! 🙏

[jenna-jayde-the-renagade]

When i was 13, i found out that men can and do become women. That there was a word for the way i felt inside: transgender. All i had to do in order to be who i am is reach out to the right people, seek help and support.

However, it isnt always so easy. Our world judges people like us in alot of scenarios, and for a kid who just wanted to live her best little life that was a scary concept. So i hid it, i did well until i was 15 and 16. My dad and my stepmom went through my room, twice. On both occasions they found womens clothing, which i would quite often wear to bed cause i felt so soothed by the soft fabric. I had leggings, and panties, and a sports bra, and a white tank top the first time. Even back then i always loved the way leggings hugged my lower half, and how relaxing and comfortable sleep was in them. Back then it was a source of comfort, i "dressed up" in order to cull the anxiety i had from putting on this mask every day. It was killing me.

I made fun of, i bullied my own kind, i bullied the LGBTQ community as a whole. I did it because i wanted to distance myself from my own identity, and cause i was jealous of other trans women who were already in their transitions and living their best lives!! I became a homophobic, misogynistic asshole to just get away from it, and to make sure nobody would ever expect it. I hate that period of my life, i look back on it in deep shame.

But then one day i moved into a place that i would eventually feel safe in. I was 18 now, and just starting to really get worn down by drugs and mental illness. But i turned around there, and i got really close to the staff at this group home. They supported me like my parents would, even though they were a different nationality and spoke bad english i felt closer to the group home workers than almost anyone else. They talked me down when i was mad or crying. They helped me get further in life. I had thoughts of coming out one day, and how i could probably do it both in vancouver and in this house. I had thoughts of how it would go. Who to tell first, it raged in my head for a couple weeks. But one day i was with my therapist, we were driving around and i had just gotten a cheddar bacon angus burger from mcdonalds with a vanilla bean frappuccino to drink. But before i could eat, my stomach wouldnt let me go on without telling my therapist whats really going on.

"I dont know how to say this ashley, but its been on my mind since i was 13 and ive planned out the whole process in my head already! Im fucking trans, im a woman, i want to be a girl and im tired of putting on this rough and tough mask just to try and fit in and be a man!! Im tired of rough, i want soft!! I want to have boobs!! I want to have nice long legs with thick hips! I want to see the sparkle come back to my eyes! I want to see my smile have happyness behind it, and not nothing, im tired of faking it!! Im scared, i could never do this around my dad, or in kelowna!! But ive got a fresh start in this city, and i know i can do it with the supports i have!! Everything i did was to please someone else, and i tried to be the best man i could to hide it.. im not a man though, im a happy, beautiful girl and im tired of hiding her!!"

That was 2017, in the spring. I was a drug addict back then, and i lived full time as a girl for 3 whole months!! Although i was so happy, and felt so comfortable in my skin i couldnt handle it once i lost my supports on top of my addiction.

On september 14th 2017, i buried Jenna for a while. I felt so horrible, even rhough i knew it was temporary i didnt know how temporary it would be. I was scared to be a boy now, and i felt even more dysphoric full well knowing the result of transitioning and the improvements to my mental health. Burying jenna was burying who i am. It couldn't last long, and once i got sober on december 15th 2018, and got myself into a safe space again in march. By late april i couldnt hold jenna inside me anymore, she needed out, jenna needed to bloom and grow big and strong!! I came out a second time to my mother and my grandmother who were both as accepting as two people who know no trans people aside from me can be. It went well, i told them it was time for me to resume my transition.

They were there for me when i reached out to Skipping stone, and got hooked up with a gender therapist. By august i had a date for when i would start hormones, october 9th 2019. On october 9th i was tense, i just wanted it to go right. I even had a little freakout in my appointment at my phone. But, after driving an hour and half each way, i walked out of my doctors office still in boy mode, but with a script for cyproterone and estradiol!! I started that night!!

When i started hrt, i was a different person in two weeks, i wasnt jayden, i was jenna. I acted way more feminine, my skin got softer, my erogenous zones changed, my voice got higher, my testicles shrunk. The feminization process had begun! I had emotional breaks here and there, and it hasnt been easy all the time. But my bad days today are still better than my best days when i was playing a character, acting as jayden. Today when i get sad, i put on something cute, and i take some cute pics and i look at them. I love it when i can honestly say, i love the way im changing. How my face lost the wrinkles of 5 years of bad habits in two months!! How my breasts are here and so so sensitive, i feel them moving on my chest and theyre like little stress sacks there for me to squeeze and hold when im feeling down!! I love the feeling of weight on my chest, and the jiggle when i walk or hit bumps on my bike! My medical transition so far is destroying any bit of my dysphoria!

I think trans is beautiful, because theres something just so positive, so god damn enlightening and beautiful. About one mans journey to woman. My body is changing, its curves being accentuated, its features becoming more noticeable by the day. I feel so much joy when i see a change, when i notice my body looks feminine. Or when i get compliments, like "my god youve got legs for days!!" It makes me know for a fact i chose right, cause im a beautiful girl, going through this beautiful process with beautiful changes.

Jenna jayde is a girl, i wasnt born a girl, but i make a better girl than i ever could have a boy. Wearing clothes that make me happy, and feel hugged all over from the soft tight fabric. Feeling emotions i never thought existed after a while on hrt!

Its so beautiful, like a sunflower swaying slightly in the summer breeze!

Life is better now, its worth standing up and fighting for.

Woot woot!! Its trans positivity jenna!! Woot woot!!

[cmeliabones]

                                      i used to be broken.     i used to be shards of iron and ice,                         a whirlwind of broken glass,     until I learned to be more.

DILAN DENIZ? No, that’s actually AMELIA BONES from the MARAUDERS ERA. You know, the child of ENDER BONES and IRMAK BONES NÉÉ KUNDAKÇI ? Only 25 years old, this SLYTHERIN alumni works as a LEGAL ADVISOR AT THE WIZENGAMOT and is sided with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. SHE identifies as A CIS WOMAN and is a PUREBLOOD who is known to be SECRETIVE, CYNICAL and SELF-NEGLECTFUL but also JUST, AMBITIOUS and LEVELHEADED.

LINKS – pinboard, stats. CHARACTER PARALLELS – laurel castillo (htgawm), peggy carter (mcu), spencer hastings (pll), rebecca bunch (crazy ex-girlfriend), raquel murillo (la casa de papel) AESTHETIC – a blood red lipstick mark on a drained cup of coffee, knuckles bruised from collapsing against a wall, smoking through the crack of your window in the middle of the night, striped blouses, chipped black nailpolish, downing vodka without wincing, wiping sweat off your eyebrow while laughing, sinking down in the shower and not getting up for half an hour, eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man, a longing for something without quite knowing what it is, a sense for justice that burns you up (and hopefully takes the whole world with it one day), something weighing down on your shoulder at all times, the inability to sleep if the world is too quiet HEADS UP – there are some triggers in this intro (specifically: burn out, anxiety, alcohol, smoking, self destructiveness, death and grief). all are trigger warned in front of the bulletpoints theyre mentioned in!

backstory ( 1955 - 1973 )

amelia bones grows up happy. with two older brothers & a set of loving parents, there was such room to grow. her parents are openminded and supportive and allow her fire and mind to expand and grow. she grows up valuing family and empathy and acceptance and fairness, and will always fall back on these values.

a bit of background on her parents: 

her father comes from the bones family, which has been a prominent magical family in eurasia for centuries (mostly for their influence in politics & international cooperation, and their progressiveness). after the global wizarding war, her father’s grandfather and his wife migrated to england after he was offered a position at the ministry, which he got offered due to his efforts during the war. word of their (good & wonderful!) reputation then spread in the UK, too, and they soon became a respected pureblood family (not that they cared about blood status, not at all, and i think plenty of purebloods didn’t care much for the bones --- too progressive and idealistic and proactive).

amelia’s father followed in his own father’s footsteps and joined the department of international cooperation, through which he met irmak, a turkish witch who worked for an international ngo advocating for worldwide women’s rights. they started as coworkers, and soon fell for one another and soon marriage followed, and then their three kids

amelia loves her family. they’re her entire world.

she was the last of her siblings to go to hogwarts, which just made her all the more excited, i think. amelia envied her brothers for getting to go before her, though, very much so. either way ---- amelia was a hatstall, stuck between hufflepuff and slytherin, stuck between her deep sense of justice and her cunning ambition. in the end, she was sorted in slytherin, but she would have thrived in either house, really. 

she walked towards that green-and-silver table with such pride in her face and back, proving that she’d fit right in

i think she was sorted in slytherin in the end as her ambition allows her to do more with her sense of justice. it’s the road towards her goals, her goals being reaching justice and righteousness and her ideals.

anxiety / panic attacks / alcohol & smoking / self destructiveness / burn out tw || amelia put immense pressure on herself all through hogwarts, not only wanting the best grades, but also wanting to be a helpful and put together individual. in her fourth year, she burns herself out --- there’s no energy left in her body. she started having more panic attacks, her anxiety growing with the pile of assignments she was unable to finish, and amelia -- for a while -- lost sight of herself, unsure how she was ever able to be so productive, to do so much. 

amelia starts smoking. she starts drinking. she yells at the whomping willow. she finds release in anything that will quiet her brain and she loses control, for a while --- detentions grow, as do her absences in class, and her grades drop. after a few months, she steps to slughorn, telling him that she’s not okay, that she needs help. (i imagine he was a bit startled, not by the news (as there had probably been reports of the change in amelia’s behaviour), but by the way she approached him, so maturely.)

admitting she wasn’t okay was the main step she needed and soon amelia was learning where her weaknesses lied, and how she could cope with stress, and how she should dose her work so she wouldnt end up this way again. and slowly but surely, amelia rebuilt her good grades, and prepared herself for those looming OWLs. end of tws

her last three years at hogwarts are spent studying, hard. amelia also became prefect & eventually head girl ( this is not definitive! just. putting it down in case ), and spent the rest of her time preparing for a career at the ministry --- that was where her ambition lied, after all. especially with the turmoil and unrest growing in the wizarding world, amelia’s sense for justice GREW, and she wanted to do something about it badly: the ministry was a flawed system, that much she knew, but she also knew that there were good people there (her dad, her grandfather, etc.) and that there was always room for change and growth

amelia cares SO MUCH about justice, it’s just something she’s always done. she has a very deep sense of justice herself, is very just in judging and approaching people. she’s also open about this & will call you out on her shit ( i imagine she did a fair amount of this in the slytherin common room ) but in a calm and collected way

ended up graduating with seven NEWTs, all with either E’s or O’s. we stan an overachieving icon. 

post graduation ( 1973 - 1980 )

anxiety tw | amelia started working as an administrative assistant at the wizengamot, interning under a member at the same time, slowly climbing the ranks and preparing for a successful career. it’s stressful, and sometimes anxiety inducing, but amelia sticks to her coping mechanisms that she’s developed over the years (both good and bad) and mostly thrives. end of tw

(parental) death, murder, grief tw | when she’s twenty, her parents are murdered. at that point, amelia had still been living at home, but she’d been at work when it all happened --- returning to a dark mark above the place she grew up in. her parents had been murdered for not meeting the vision of what purebloods were supposed to be, another pair of victims of a cruel war ( and the start of the bones’ downfall :( )

self destructiveness tw | amelia fell back in old patterns for a while, forgetting to take care of herself, raging against a world that wouldn’t listen. she took the time she had gotten off work to grief and drowned herself in distractions and things that only seemed to make things worse, in the long run end of tw

and then she returned to work and was done. done, with feeling like she’d drown in her grief, and so she turned cold. it wasn’t hard -- amelia had always been quite levelheaded, able to look at situations with emotional distance and objectivity, and now she did the same with her life. she joined the order as well, even though she had previously doubted them ( she thought them unorganised, chaotic rebels, and she had to eat her words, partly, after she joined ). amelia grew bitter and secretive and cynical, but she worked harder than she had ever before, wanting to see a better world as soon as possible --- for her brothers and their families, for all the families still whole, for fucking everyone, to be honest.

death of children tw | re: her brothers and their families, she thinks that theyre both stupid for having kids in this time. look at what happens every day! look at what happened to their parents! why would you risk orphaning your children?!

not that she voices those opinions. they’re dark and mean and she swallows them and keeps them locked up. 

of course, she was kind of right. edgar and his kids did die. lmao. when she found out, though, she didn’t think “told you so”, she just hated herself a bit more. end of all tws

right now, amelia is a legal advisor at the wizengamot, assisting with cases, working on arguments and compiling evidence, always bristling at how useless aurors are at paperwork. she hates the ministry, partly, but wants to fix it from within. her dream is to get a seat at the wizengamot, and eventually grow further, too. her ambitions run deep, as does her idealism, and together those will get her far.

she’s also more closed off than she was before. i think that amelia was a lot warmer as a teen, and definitely a lot more spontaneous. now, though, she is focused deeply on the tasks at hand and cynical, scared of loving more people than she already does. there’s more to lose when you have more people you love, and all that stuff --- but still, amelia is kind and approachable, but there’s always a hint of distance and coolness. 

does Not take good care of herself. amelia sleeps too little, drinks too much coffee, does not eat enough fruits & veggies and constantly abandons her needs when there’s other, more important things. and there are always more important things ( especially considering she seeks for them )

death & murder tw | the timestamp kind of sent amelia into a state of despair, for a hot second. learning that her brother and his family were killed in the war chilled her to her bones. learning that she was murdered in the far but near future confused her, and scared her. she took a moment to recenter herself, to take in all this new information, and then got to work. i imagine that amelia just stormed into the ministry/the dmle and started working to fix this, using her future position as an argument to have a proper role in the developments. ( merlin knows that the ministry can use a good set of brains, after all, and she has a more than good set. ) she also stuck with the order, of course.

amelia also took it upon herself to research a LOT about the future fates of people she suspected of death eater activity, to know who to trust and who not to. read a lot of archived newspapers and such over the past month. too many. end of tw

personality & details

career woman. fuck the glass ceiling, she’ll break it with her high heels and kiss the shards with her red lipstick and grin while doing it. amelia is successful and will be even more successful and nothing but death can stop her from reaching her goals

in the end, that’s why she was killed --- bc she was unstoppable. if it wasnt for voldemort, she WOULD HAVE become minister for magic, mark my words

caffeine dependent as fuck

kickboxes to let go off some steam and cropped up Stress. she has been doing it ever since her the summer after her fourth year and has a mean right hook and can break your nose if she wants to, but chooses not to. (would rather fight you with words, anyway.)

a levelheaded, realistic queen. 

workaholic, pls tell her to take a break!!!!

she has a deerhound doggo called jimmy and she loves him SO MUCH. dogs are Everything to amelia. she loves dogs so much. 

“men ain’t shit” -- amelia bones, thrice a day, at least

listen she’s just a Queen, that’s all ive got

[cryptidofthekeys]

Here’s the second TF2 oc, the Medic bab!

Name: Hedwig (according to what I’ve seen so far in German it means something alone the lines of: Fighter, strong one) | Alias: Medic/The Medic, Dr. Hedwig Lange, or just simply Hedwig for short (usually only close friends call him Hedwig)  (Lange from what I read means "Tall" so both his names are fitting) | Gender: Male | Age: 49/50s | Species/Race: Human | Height: 7'0" | Eye Color: Mocha Brown | Hair Color: Dark Brown (he keeps it slicked back and v tidy, his hair can be poofy if not kept taken care of) | Appearance: Wears the typical medic coats, mostly consisting of the typical white, but he does have brown and grey ones as well that he really likes to wear, he NEVER wears his normal clothes while he's working, while he doesn't mind getting his hands dirty n stuff he... he doesn't want his NORMAL clothes coated with blood or whatever, he DOES have his standards! His usual clothing usually consist of turtlenecks and sweaters, he really seems to enjoy wearing those kinds of clothes (their c  om f), he does have a lot of scars on him as well, on his chest are a ton, his back, arms, legs, etc- there's scars almost everywhere. He usually wears long combat/punk looking boots when he's on the battlefield or just, sometimes he wears them bc a e s t h e t i c~! He wears what he wants, he also has a bit of a five o'clock shadow as well, nothing t o o major facial hair wise n stuff. | Personality: He's not exactly insane/mad or anything like that, hell, he's not even that bad ...to his teammates really, their not his guinea pigs for experiments or nothing but now he DOES love a good experiment or two, he isn't afraid to get his hands bloody n messy or anything like that ya know, you hurt or try to experiment on his teammates/friends and- weeellll we're going to have a little issue there.... Although! He is more than happy to watch the other Medics experiment on their own teammates or enemies or whatever, hell if they need! He'll even help out with said experiments, usually he's pretty friendly (he can just say intimidating sounding things and hell he even kinda l o o k s intimidating, but he's not ALL bad so long as your not the enemy or target for a potential experiment! He's very outgoing although sometimes he tends to spend a bit longer than he needs in the lab until Amour or the Sniper (I MIGHT make a Sniper character tbh, three faves right there, Spy, Medic, n Sniper- might as well complete the support set amIrite?) forcibly drags him out and makes him get some sunshine) He ABSOLUTELY loves animals, dogs mostly actually, he has a few small dogs in his lab and a few big dogs to guard on the outside, last time he let a big dog in- it stole a rib from one of his "patients"! he couldn't stay mad at them though they looked so happy and adorable munching on the rib. (tl;dr: He can say some rather unsettling things, he seems VERY intimidating but to his teammates and friends he's as sweet as can be, just to the enemies and experi- AHEM- P A T I E N T S of his he's just very unsettling and intimidating which rightfully so, he's going to do horrible things to them without any remorse or care in the world! He gets along fairly well with his team and he seems to care a great amount for them so messing with them isn't the smartest thing you could do although a lot of his team are unfortunately terrified of him and his scary lab but he assures them he'd n e v e r hurt or experiment on them or whatever!) | Side Facts: He REALLY loves dogs, like if he had a big enough place he'd honestly run a dog sanctuary, just a place where all the dogs can run and roam freely, of course he'd need a LOT of money to do that but it'd be his dream one day, there's nothing that pisses him off more than seeing an injured or mistreated animal, and whoever mistreated said animal, weeeellll... Let's just say he has Amour or the Sniper (yeah fuck it, imma make a Sniper bab BUT- that'll be later on) help track them down, whoever hurt the poor doggo will NEVER get away from him and he'll be sure to make them r e g r e t EVER dumping a poor animal out, like if they don't have the funds or they can't physically take care of said animal the LEAST they could do is put them in a shelter to find a good home OR give them to a potential family member! Sheesh! Dummkopfs they are... He actually has taken the time to name ALL of his dogs (I say that, as I myself, dont know what to actually call them but for the sake of his character n stuff, im just saying that), he sat down one night when he couldnt sleep and decided to name all his dogs and he's memorized them all, he has a few that look v e r y similar to each other but he knows which one is which, the others are... a lil impressed with that actually, that he managed to memorize some of the similar dogs when they legit can't even tell half of them apart. In his spare time when he's not working h a h, working or experimenting is usually what he does ALMOST 24/7 lmao, but in his ACTUAL spare time, he usually tends to read a few good books, or watch some videos (which, he um, the modern technology like laptops, phones, etc- fuckin e s c a p e s him- he can work a phone to an extent which is just to call someone or whatever but he's gotten BETTER with laptops, he keeps a bit of information on them or what he's written down like- findings or some shit ya know) or he'll listen to some music, his taste in music is... it can vary depending on his mood truth be told, usually for holidays he'll bake some cookies, he'll give most of them out to his teammates but then suddenly, you'll see him gathering up t h r e e certain ones and carrying them off somewhere, wh...whats he gon do with them you reckon? ...Eh! What does it matter! He's fiiine! He's a v e r y excellent cook n baker, although he's frustrated sometimes that he has to reassure his team that he did NOTHING to their food! okay- last paragraph of things, bc I think he's good for now, but he really does care for his teammates and friends, now sure sometimes they can irritate him to ungodly ends and on some days maaaybe taking a bonesaw to them wouldnt be such a bad idea (he would never, dont worry), he does still care for them in the end, and he'll t r y his damnedest not to let them die or get hurt so easily as well.

[missing-my-griffin]

What scenes do you want from s6??

OHH my god. Oh my god. 

Okay.

1) I need an INTENSE Bellarke heart to heart. them talking about what those 6 years without each other did to them. Bellamy finally breaking down because he’s dealing with the trauma of mourning her, and then getting her back, alive and well. Her tackling being left behind all alone. Preferably, while Becho is still in the picture and theyre trying super hard to stay platonic while crying and KNOWING theyre madly in love. What can I say I love the angst.

2) Princessmechanic making up. Doesnt have to be incredibly emotional, a short scene would be enough. I would DIE for a hug. And then I want like a billion scenes with their chemistry and teamwork it’s always so epic and wonderful. 

3) Clarke Spacekru rekindling - kind of scared this will be a one sided effort bc of the hints weve gotten.. Im hoping despite Clarke apparently being the one working to earn everyones forgiveness back while they refuse it, something will happen where she once again sacrifices herself and everyone will be reminded who she is and feel horrible for not seeing her pain and maybe not forgiving but understanding her (& her trauma..) sooner. Im also praying Raven will forgive her long before everyone else and it will be everyone BUT Raven&Bel who will be hesitant to welcome C back.

4) Echos backstory. Look. Echo is in a painful situation. She loves Bellamy, he loves her, but he loves Clarke MORE. So Bechos gonna go up in flames. Ive never hated Echo as a Character but I think I wouldnt care much for her irl. Shes just too cold for me and she isnt funny or has anything that would make me fall for her. But I do see potential so I actually want her to get a story and some warmth and I want to connect with her bc the breakup will be tough and for her it will feel like shes losing her entire family to Clarke, what with them forgiving her. I could do with a new li for her too? Some super soft boy(/girl) whom she learns something from as far as empathy goes and mercy/kindness. Tackling the whole child-soldier thing too.

5) A Bellarke forehead touch

6) An angsty Bellarke kiss!!

7) Just have Bellarke kiss. Im here. IM WAITING. its time

8) SciFi city, high tech scifi themes, creepy MW style utopia, clean clothes, clean hair. Im really looking forward to any “civilisation scenes” after we got so much gritty dystopia.

9) Echo figuring out that Bellamy is in love with Clarke. Maybe in a setting where theyre all out and about and C&B are nearby just doing their partners in crime in-sync-leadership (totally married) bit. Something happened before that made Echo be suspicious and suddenly we see this look on her face as it dawns on her. Would also love an intense scene with high stakes where Clarke is in danger and Bellamy is literally losing his damn mind; where Echo can’t calm him and his meltdown is just too intense to make any sense & then she realizes whats going on.

10) Madi standing up for Clarke in some way and defending her. Madi/Clarke scenes in general, i love them. Also Papa bear Bellamy& Madi. With Madi Im really not looking forward to seeing the burden of being the commander lie heavy on her shoulders. i want her to be a kid just for a little bit. Probably reaching for the stars bc hard times are coming for my little baby, but I just need some intimacy with her parents, Madi being loved and supported and protected.

11) Drunk characters pleaseee! Some lighthearted jokes and people being happy and smiling.. I would DIE for Bellarke but wouldnt say no to other characters either. Drunk Raven&Emori bonding?? I mean,.

12) Raven yelling at/ confronting Clarke and/or Bellamy about being in love & being both obvious and stupid about it. 

13) JEALOUS BELLAMY. I dont believe Clarke will get a new LI but I do think like so many others someone might be interested in her. Anyways little digs by Bellamy towards that person would be an absolute feast.

14) Lastly: I NEED BELLAMY AND CLARKE TO HOLD HANDS. Both casually and barely noticeable AND in a closeup.

[cjostrander]

Thirty Seconds to Mars: AMERICA

Good morning everyone; i was nicely surprised by the response for my last review of Rammstein’s latest album. So i’m gonna go to another newer one that i never really gave a thorough listen. This is the latest album by Thirty Seconds to Mars and is their final release with their long time guitarist Tomo Milicevic. It seems he departed for personal issues as vague as that is but since they haven’t replaced him maybe there’s wiggle room for him to return down the road. From what i’ve gotten this album takes a venture into a more pop direction than the experimental rock of previous releases. I am going in blind so let’s get started and hopefully it’s an overlooked gem.

Walk on Water (Single): Okay so all the album singles are going to hit you right away. It starts with some low synths and worldly vocal segments that are meant to give the song an ambitiously motivational pop foundation. Jared is not bad vocally but keeps things very basic lyrically. Instrumentally it fits decent for a pop setting that could be danced to somewhat; though it does lack the artistic complexity of any of their previous work. So i am guessing this album is venturing for a less is more mainstream approach. The use of backing choir elements is a good touch for playing on the song’s atmospheric tendencies. The drums are okay and if they didn’t sound programmed it would bring elements of Radiohead and Fall Out Boy together in a odd but convincing combination. It is not a bad choice for opening the album up since it is a simple ease in for the listener that does contain some catchy elements to convince the listener to give them a chance. 7/10

Dangerous Night (Single): This next single begins with an emotionally compelling vocal entrance from Jared that delivers a stronger set of lyrics. They bring in some pop rock acoustics and combine it with synths to create an uplifting atmosphere. Because of that it still retains a minimalist approach that does manage to give him ample support. Though Jared’s lyrical flow is realistically the only thing that will make or break it for the listener; because the instrumentals otherwise wouldn’t have much to really bring attention to themselves. It does have a decent little synth interlude to build up a low key dance opportunity; but nothing more than that. I will give them props for keeping most of the songs in the three minute range because they would feel a lot more drawn out in the 4 to 5 minute range. 7/10

Rescue Me (Single): The final single of this album begins with more of that pop rock guitaring that is nicely melodic till the drum loops arrive. Jared is left a little alone in terms of support since the instrumentals don’t truly seem to have what it takes to lift his otherwise promising vocal delivery. So far this album is setting itself up to be best listened to in the background instead of being analyzed like their previous work had the benefit of. Other than that this one doesn’t really bring in anything to the table in terms of being memorable let alone catchy. 5/10

One Track Mind (Featuring ASAP Rocky): The synths start this off on a blissfully soothing note and the muffled voice of the guest vocalist is a refreshing change of pace. Jared’s vocals are a bit processed but he manages to finally succeed in creating a very emotionally deep effect on the listener. He is supported minimally as expected on here but to a much more meaningful effect. This would be a decent one to play while winding down for bed at night. His lyrics are delivered very carefully and deliver a stronger sense of substance to the listener even though they are highly repetitive. This might of been a better pick for a single than Rescue Me but it really depends on how they sell it. The guest vocals show up towards the end and do a pretty good job of staying true to the intended sound of the song; while also lyrically paying tribute to the band. 8/10

Monolith: This minute and a half long number starts off with some drum beats that finally appear to build some classic tension for the following track. It may of been a good opener for the album to please their older fans since it makes use of solid harmonies and classical string elements. It combines with a blast riffs they used heavily on their last album. It is too short to score on this album but it helps to lift this album up a bit finally. 0/0

Love is Madness (Featuring Halsey): This one starts from the previous track into a dark and gloomy call and response duet between Jared and the guest vocalist. They actually do a really good job of working together without appearing to force it. They both grow rather ambitious in their delivery and use a strong diversity of energy to set a sense of tense conflict between the two singers. Because of this the lyrics prove to be some of the strongest on the album and contain a very compelling dose of catchiness. This is definitely a highlight on the album and a clear example of what their pop sound should be like on this album. 9/10

Great Wide Open: This song begins with a soothing loop open that creates a very compelling sense of blissful atmosphere. Jared arrives with a slightly gospel demeanor. He finally seems to be shaping the album’s pop approach into something that is finally engaging and understandable. The lyrics are pretty compelling and benefit a bit from the drawn out delivery; even if it risks feeling sluggish when overly analyzed. This and the last track would of been smart picks for singles. This one mainly because it demonstrates the compelling strength of Jared’s vocals and could bring some similarities to sound and spirit on This Is War (Reviewed). 9/10

Hail to the Victor: This track begins with a little more spacey approach. It explores a sense of emptiness and vulnerability before shifting into some more energizing drum beats. The stronger use of synths and distortion works decently to change things up; as well as add a sense of convincing emotion to Jared’s lyrics. It helps to set up a mood of conflict and rising to overcome it. I can see a better dance reaction to it since it is better suited for a live performance or late night club scene than most of their earlier tracks were. 8.5/10

Dawn Will Rise: We begin this track off with some soft electric riffs and french female vocals to give it a nice sense of artistic class. Synths arrive to slowly seep a danceable yet peacefully relaxing presence. Jared’s vocals feel a bit processed but deliver some sufficient lyrics to focus on while the song progresses. His vocals vibration can get a hair annoying but overall he does succeed in achieving a sense of catchiness that will enable the listener to appreciate this song. 8/10

Remedy: Acoustic riffs start off with an interesting rustic approach. I think Shannon Leto is singing on this one and his more rough approach fits rather nicely with the tone of this song and offers an interesting surprise for the listener to encounter. I definitely appreciate them changing things up with this track because it adds some diversity and helps to set the album up for a gradual conclusion. I actually wouldnt mind hearing a solo album from Shannon if this is in fact him on vocals. 8.5/10

Live Like a Dream: This track begins with a nicely soothing yet modestly energetic opening. This one sounds a bit more familiar to their older work. Jared demonstrates a masterful control over his vocals and helps to keep things feeling inspirational and interesting as the song progresses. He delivers a firm sense of catchiness without trying to take away the subtle impact from his instrumental support.  I definitely think a few more tracks like this on the album would of made their pop venture a bit easier to get into; though by this point they have pretty much returned to the sound of their last album instead of their intended mainstream soft pop. Kind of creates a damned if you do; damned if you don’t situation for them ha ha. 8.5/10

Rider: Here’s the finale track to the album and it begins rather softly with some audio backing before Jared arrives to deliver a wounded and compelling vocal presence. The acoustic riffs and drum loops create a rather nice ambiance that is cleverly complex and emotionally engaging. It helps to establish a very fulfilling sense of farewell to this album. 8.5/10

Overall album rating: 7.9/10

Even though this album had some lackluster bumps in the first half; the second half is very solid and will please their fan base if they give it a chance. Their attempt at more direct pop in the first half i don’t believe works really well for them; because of their emphasis on slowness and heavy complexity verses the faster and catchier elements that i believe pop requires. I wouldn’t mind it if they tried to incorporate a more successful dance element into the music but i feel that it wouldn’t be in the band’s nature otherwise they would end up sounding like a modern day Maroon 5. Still; i would still suggest giving it a listen in album sequence and see what you think. It’s going to be conflicted but that feeling alone should feel fitting coming from this band. Hopefully they learn from whatever input they got on this album and build on it for their next album; which i hope but doubt won’t take another 5 years to release.