#I would’ve thought it would be the other way around

[valeriapryanikova]

ominous

(itsy-bitsy fanfic concept/idea/? under the cut)

[A page ripped out of a journal; the owner’s handwriting is messy and barely legible.] 

february, 29th

i'm surprised i'm not dead now.

yesterday, in the late evening, as i was painting, it started storming. suddenly and hard. one second the dark sky is clear from any clouds, and the next moment the droplets are pelting me with a surprising force. i rapidly abandoned my easel and canvas (not like there would be anything lost—the piece was dull and not working out the way i desired) in favor of seeking cover.

i was still near the village, on its outskirts, but just a bit too far from my house to reach it quickly before my whole being was drenched through and through. so i ducked into one of the huts, all of which stand empty, desolate… or so i thought, at least.

only once inside did i spot the dim, ominous, red glow of the overhead lamp; the sound of a muted conversation; the overwhelming sense of “wrong”, like i was not meant to be here. abruptly silence fell and two sets of bright eyes stared me down.

terror froze my body. i felt like a prey caught in between two predators, i could practically feel their jaws snapping around my neck.

the dredger slowly smirked at me, barring her sharp, sharp teeth. (since when are they sharp? i may not have crossed path with her often, but i swear i would’ve noticed if she had shark teeth before.) i did not stay to see if the fisherman would further react to my presence too. the control of my body returned, allowing me to let out a panicked apology for interruption and bolt out of the hut, running home at full speed.

it’s been hours since then. i couldn’t fall asleep. i’ve been up the whole night, haunted by fear. the scene of those two beasts in the darkness, ready to snap me like a twig for overhearing something (i don’t remember what exactly, all the horror of the situation evaporated all my thoughts), got stuck in my mind’s eyes. so i’ve been doing what i know how to do best—painting.

[Attached to the diary entry is a typewritten note.] 

That painter fellow is an impressionable and imaginative type. Needless to say, the actual interaction with the two fish merchants was likely a lot less… Dramatic.

The painter was reluctant to show me the painting mentioned in the last paragraph, but after some convincing I did manage to take a quick look on their recollection of the witnessed scene: it seems mostly useless for my research, but I noted down some details that might be of use in the future (refer to “AudioLog#143” transcript for more information).

Collecting data on “The Fisherman” continues to prove itself annoying. The subject is allusive: there’s not many sources mentioning him, and folk around here rarely witness him out and about. Currently the only lead I have is finding that one old newspaper article about the docks that, if I recall correctly, mentions him in an interview with workers. Perhaps, when I have time, I’ll try asking the collector from the other side of the river if he has a copy of that newspaper issue.

However, for now, I’m significantly more interested in “The Dredger” subject. There’s more than plenty info about her—I would actually say there’s too much info about her, all inconveniently inconsistent. In an attempt to get more reliable data I’m getting in contact with Mined since they have done scientific observation of this area and the people of interest. My request for access to their data has gone unanswered so far and, if shoving my anthropology degree in the faces of those bumbling idiots won’t work, I’m sure that that city nearby has enough hackers willing to do some dirty work for a pretty diamond.

I will get the data I want, one way or another.

[writingwithgeoffrey]

It was all fun and games, always. you would have your silly little monologues, they would chase you around your little town—his slice of happiness, as you called it—you would push back, they would catch you … the usual routine for a Monday morning.

They knew you never caused any real harm. Mostly, you used your telekinesis to pluck a feather from a chicken or tickle a cow’s nose. Occasionally, you’d pull out something really devilish and paint someone’s entire house after they’d asked for it—the wrong color, obviously, just to make them mad.

Your laughter could often be heard filling the streets, a mix of pure enjoyment and mischievous debauchery. People would smile and wave, and often look the other way, just because, admittedly, your antics brought them joy, as well.

Not the superheroes. They always deemed you a waste of time, a nuisance that needed just one more day behind bars to stop you antics. They always scolded you, told you to stay out of trouble.

Really, though, on their days off, you were friends. It wasn’t ever a surprise to see you sitting outside a little diner with one of the superheroes, just chatting it up and enjoying your morning coffee. The superheroes always seemed to be fond of the more vegetarian options, opting for a “save as much life as possible” mindset. You ate meat because you thought bacon was delicious, nothing more.

It was an idyllic life, and you would’ve been content to continue well into your golden years. You should’ve known it was too good.

It started as a soft rumble through the ground underfoot, but you could feel it as clearly as if you were on a boat in the ocean. It rocked you, silenced you in your daily breakfast with a superhero, and drove you to stand. The superhero asked what was wrong. You silenced them.

A moment later, the town square erupted in a burst of magma, spewing molten lava across the cobblestones—cobblestones you’d helped shave and place as part of the renovations.

From within the fire emerged a single figure, one whom you recognized as a villain. Not a small-town villain like you, but a true-blue, willing-to-kill, supervillain. You stood, nervous, watching as the villain raised their hand, and your breath caught. In the villain’s grasp hung one of the local superheroes. Even from a distance, you could see they weren’t breathing.

“N-no …” You took a staggering step backward. You were supposed to have lunch with them tomorrow.

“God, these superheroes are annoying.” The villain tossed the body aside. You watched it roll to an unceremonious stop. “I thought there’d be less of them out in the countryside.”

“Stay here,” the superhero told you, and in a rush of wind, they flew toward the villain.

You could only watch as the superhero was caught by a hand through their stomach, coughing up blood onto the villain’s already crimson coat. Your breath hitched as you collapsed against the table.

“Hmph. A waste of my time, honestly. If I’d have known you would be this easy to dispatch, I would’ve just built my base already.”

A flick of the wrist was all it took for the superhero to be tossed aside. They landed at your feet, bleeding out, with no way to help them. Before you knew it, they were gone.

“Hmm. You there.”

You lifted your gaze to meet the villain’s. His eyes were full of boredom, with only the vaguest hint of intrigue. Yours was full of hatred, and rage, and a thirst for vengeance. This was your town, and the villain would pay.

“Ooh, I like that fire in your eyes. Why don’t you become my henchman?”

You raised your hand. Your powers rose to their fullest potential. You swore you’d never do this again, but now, you had no choice. He had decided to mess with the town you called home. The town that you loved and that loved you right back. You would show him just how wrong he was.

“What, you think I’m scared of a little person like you? Did you not see what I just did?”

You didn’t honor him with a verbal response. All you did was grab onto his limbs with your power, focus it, narrow your gaze, and in an instant, he was gone, compressed into a ball of nothingness less than a micrometer across. Whatever matter he may have once been turned into energy, but even that was contained by your power.

It didn’t matter, though. You dropped to your knees beside the superhero, brushed the hair from their lifeless eyes, tried your hardest to smile through the pain, and failed. Your tears still came. Nothing would ever stop them. Not even a return to the life you had once loved.

All because some fool thought they could intrude on your turf.

You pretend to be a small-time villain. At most, you annoy the local supers, but your crimes never hurt anyone. To you it's all good fun. Things change when a truly sadistic supervillain invades your turf and murders a few of the supers. No one has seen the extent of your true powers until now.

[lady-of-tearshed]

Coming out

@sjmprideweek

Day 5: Family

Pairing: Azriel centered, but mention of Azris.

Summary: Azriel announces that he's seeing someone to his family.

Word count: 1.5k words

Warnings: Someone drinking alcohol, someone choking on alcohol (no one dies), innuendo of sex.

Dividers made by @tsunami-of-tears 💙

“I've recently discovered I was into males.” 

That, Azriel concluded, was definitely one way to get his family's attention. 

Eight pairs of eyes pivoted in his direction. Only Nyx seemed unbothered by this revelation, far too young and carefree to give a damn about anything else than the colorful fruit puree splattered in front of him. 

Cassian, always the biggest mouth of the Inner Circle, was the first to break the silence. “It's a… new discovery?” 

“Yes.” 

Cassian, as difficult to imagine, looked at his brother with an even more confused expression. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times, and then the look on his face turned from one of confusion to one of mid-amusement. “Weren't you already into guys?” 

This time, it was Azriel's turned to he confused. “What?” 

“Yeah, you know,” Cassian started counting on his fingers. “The guy that bought you a drink at Rita's a few weeks ago? The one you wouldn't stop looking into his big russet eyes. I thought you had gone back with him at the end of the night. Or the other one, freckled one, with the slumped rear, last month. The one that bought you the coffee and wrote his name on the cup-” 

“Cassian,” Rhysand half-scolded his brother, stopping him in his overflowing river of information, and saving Azriel from the embarrassment. 

Azriel couldn't believe how blind he had been to all the cues of his male attraction. It seemed obvious to him, now, that someone not into males wouldn't have admitted to his brother how scrumptious the ass of the male from the cafe near The Rainbow was. That, right there, had been one hell of a clue Azriel should've picked on. That and the fact that even though he didn't, he had wished, only for a short, confusing moment, that he had gone home with that other male from Rita's a few weeks ago. 

Azriel probably would've discovered his male attraction a long time ago (probably before Eris had wrapped his Cauldron blessed lips around his shaft) if he had been able to pull his head away from work and his own personal worries, he realized. 

“Well next time we go to Rita's, I'll make sure you go home with a pretty male,” Cassian announced, dismissing Rhysand's warning with a wave of his hand. 

“Oh,” Azriel blinked, furrowing his brows as he tried to look for the right words. “That won't be necessary.” He settled with, hoping that Cassian (by some kind of miracle) would just drop the subject and move on with his life-

“Why, of course it is! Maybe that would help you get that broomstick out of your ass-” 

“No.”

“Or some other lucky male’s ass?”

“I'm… already seeing someone.” 

Amren choked on her wine. Morrigan, as swift as an arrow, jolted up from her seat to pat her friend’s back and telling her to keep coughing. Amren’s face, still red from the gulp that half went down the wrong pipe, turned slowly into the blond’s direction. The glare she threw at her friend seemed to come from the deepest depths of the Cauldron. If a look could kill, Morrigan would’ve been slayed on the spot. 

Once recovered from her near death experience, Amren spoke up. “Do they know you’re gay?”

Cassian frowned. “Actually, doesn’t that make him bisexual? Since he’s into males and-.”

“Do they know.” Amren repeated, her voice as sharp as Azriel’s most treasured weapon.

“Of course they do,” He answered quite coldly. He was half hurt that his family would even assume that he would be cold-hearted enough to be romantically involved with someone and hide parts of himself from them. Besides, why was this any of their business? He started to wonder why he even cared being honest with them if it only meant for him to receive such a cold reaction. “Also, they are a male. And no, Cas, I do not think that makes me bisexual. Well, yes. Perhaps,” He looked down at his plate, moved some vegetables around as he tried to figure it out. “Honestly, I don’t know. I’m still figuring it out.” 

Some looks were exchanged amongst the people gathered at this table. After what felt like a never ending period of heavy and uncomfortable silence, someone’s chair scrapped on the floor. 

Azriel looked up to see Rhysand moving around the table, and before he could analyze wether it was to throttle him or something else, his brother’s arms were circling his neck in a firm, yet gentle embrace. 

“I’m glad you found someone,” Rhysand said, grunting a little when Cassian joined the group hug, his weight crushing both males.

“When can we meet him?” Cassian asked, his tone nearly buzzing with excitement.  

Azriel tensed. “I don’t think it would be a good idea.” 

“Why?” Nesta asked cautiously from her seat, where she still sat. 

“Az…” Feyre rectified quickly. “We wouldn’t have any reasons why meeting him wouldn’t be a good idea-”

“Is he unkind?” Nesta blatantly ignored her sister’s too-soft approach. 

“No! No,” Azriel quickly answered, half afraid the eldest Archeron would bite his head off if he avoided the topic. “He is very kind… when you get to know him.” 

“Then I don’t see any problem there,” Feyre offered him a comforting smile.

Azriel’s insides felt like they were on fire. He knew he’d have to announce the inevitable truth sooner than later. His family was nosy enough to figure it out by themselves quickly, and telling them before they could find out would be preferable and cause less damage. 

“We will accept this male into our lives no matter what, brother,” Rhysand squeezed his shoulder. 

“So long as he treats you right,” Added Cassian, his eyes glimmering with emotions and unshed tears. 

“He’s-” Azriel bit his lip, hesitating. “He’s from another Court. He’s… different.” 

“Like I said,” Rhysand’s eyes bore into Azriel’s, his face and heart as open and honest as can be. “We’ll accept him, no matter what.” 

“Even if he’s a High Lord?” 

At that, Cassian tensed, his eyes narrowed. “Mother’s tits Az… Don’t tell me it’s Helion? You know he has a…” Cassian paused, his eyes traveling to the other side of the table, where a red-headed male sat calmly beside Elain. “Reputation.” 

Azriel almost laughed out loud. Helion was indeed one lovely High Lord, but he was not the one who fought to earn his heart. He opened his mouth to finally be honest about who that mysterious male he’s seeing is when someone does it for him. 

“It’s Eris, isn’t it?” 

All eyes turned to Nesta, then widened when they looked back in Azriel’s direction only to see the slightest shade of pink coloring the Illyrian’s cheeks. 

“Yes, it is,” As if it needed clarifications, Azriel added. “Eris. Eris Vanserra.” 

And for a moment, Azriel actually started to worry about Rhysand’s poor, old heart. 

“Oh, Azriel!” Nesta exclaimed, “Those are wonderful news!”

She nearly crashed into him, shoving the two males aside to take her turn at hugging him. 

As she hugged him, Azriel’s shadows informed him of the look that meant something similar to ‘If you dare say something hurtful about it, I’ll kill you’ Nesta gave Rhysand. When Nesta slowly untangled herself from Azriel, Rhysand cleared his throat.

“Well,” He said, his pale looking more pale than usual and his voice sounding shaky. Rhysand wanted to rip the earth in half and curse the Mother for his brother’s awful taste in males, but he didn’t. He was a male of honor, and already assured his brother (two times, no less) that he would accept this male no matter what. So. “Do you… Like him?”

“Yes, I think I do,” Azriel said, his heart open and honest. A strange, yet positive, feeling wrapped around his heart and made his face turn warm every time he thought of the male. “We’re not really something. Just… seeing each other and figuring things out as we go.” 

“If he breaks your heart,” Cassian snarled, looking at the other Vanserra present in the room as if he had personally hurt him, “I’ll make sure his heart will be slowly and painfully ripped out of his pretty neck. Then I’ll feed it to his Gods damned dog.” 

“He won’t,” Lucien spoke up for the first time since the beginning of this family gathering. “When a Vanserra loves, or cares, it does fiercely,” His gaze turned to Elain and softened. “And unconditionally.” 

Azriel held back from rectifying that what was between him and Eris wasn’t love, but… The more he thought about it, the more he started thinking that, yes, it could be love, It could grow as something fierce, and unconditional. But for now, they were figuring themselves out. 

“Then it is more than we could ask for,” Feyre stated, her voice firm and true. “We’re all delighted for you, Azriel.”

“Yes,” Rhysand said, smiling. Cassian nodded alongside him. “We are.”

And that was more than anything Azriel could’ve hoped for, his family’s love and support.

ACOTAR general taglist: @mybestfriendmademe @lilah-asteria @acotar-lover @paige0103

Azris taglist: @g00seg1rl

[artemisia-black]

Sorry if you've answered this before (im sure you have) but do you think Sirius was a serial dater at school? How do you hc Sirius at school?

I think my over exposure (early in my fandom life) to school shagger/ sex pest Sirius made me really dislike the trope that he dated loads. But also in my analysis of his character, he’s pretty selective about who he spends time with. He’s way more polite than he’s often depicted as, but he also doesn’t suffer fools lightly- so I can’t see him tolerating dating people for the sake of it. I can see him going out on a few dates (with people who he deems clever or interesting) but his friendships would’ve always taken priority over any kind of romantic life.

I do think he was probably widely fancied, but given that Bellatrix literally tries to “trim the family tree” when Tonks marries Remus, I imagine there was a real danger in who he dated. He was related to active Death Eaters, and I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that if he publicly got involved with the wrong person in their eyes, they’d consider an honour killing (for want of a better term) and that would probably make him even more reluctant to date seriously.

At school, I think overall, he was just one of those people who’s effortlessly good at everything, and I do wonder how much jealousy that stirred. Because when someone is that good-looking, people tend to react in one of two extreme ways, either they’re deferential to the point of fawning, or they absolutely hate you. You become an object of projection (Good looks can be as much of a curse as they are a gift).

If you actually asked people for personal stories about going to school with him, most wouldn’t have much beyond, distant politeness or “oh yeah, I saw him break someones nose once.” Because I do think he got into fights. He’s a very physical fighter even in the Ministry battle (literally shoulder slams Dolohov) so I can absolutely see him getting into fist fights especially around the time he leaves his family. And on top of all that, I really don’t see him enjoying being part of the school rumour mill

I know Remus calls him and James “the height of cool,” but these are the same people who had stupid nicknames for each other and spent years as amateur cartographers. Sirius was thought of as cool because he was hot ( I said what I said) because this is a guy who remixed A Christmas Carol and willingly called himself Snuffles, he absolutely had a ridiculous side, we just don’t get to see it because by the time we meet him, he’s been so prison-hardened.

Also he clearly cared about his grades. He expected at least an Outstanding (which is the top grade- was he expecting them to make a new one for him?) and the fact that McGonagall still calls him brilliant when she thinks he’s a mass murderer says a lot. She has no time for people who slack off, so he must have been a good student. I don’t think he was a class clown or a class disrupter-he would never perform for people.

[getaapologist]

Hey, Hi, Hello, can I tempt you further with more servant!reader? This came about after @kingoftruands kindly suggested something a bit darker? Thought it would suit servant!reader. Enjoy!

[ first blurb for servant!reader ]

Sweat soaked your skin as his large hands wrapped around your arms, pulling your body back against his, his presence domineering and lustful.

The warm summer night only contributed to the heat you felt now, his hands reaching, grabbing, groping, his breathing the only sound besides the fabric rustling.

You felt loose, like fresh clay. Moldable. Pliable. Moving into whatever shape or position he dictated, the sounds of the party far away now.

A fever, a reckless, unchecked need had caused him to seek you out, the amphora plucked from your hands before he dragged you away from the revelry, away from prying eyes, which you were grateful for.

It was a confirmation. An assurance that the connection made at that earlier party was something that persisted, even as you began working at the Palace. And it was hard to even call it work. This night was the first night they even tasked you with anything besides standing in the room as the twins debated, as they ate, as they held council. 

Wear this. And these. And pour wine.

Those were your instructions. And as you ran your fingers over the fine material of the clothing, finer than you had ever touched, you became certain of one thing.

Your job was not merely to pour wine. 

Though as the clothing was pushed up, aside, you could admit that this didn’t quite feel like work. As more of you became exposed to him, he grew greedier, his touch more firm, almost desperate. It felt forbidden to call an Emperor desperate. But that’s what he was. 

As if he didn’t have his needs satisfied whenever he asked. As if there weren’t others, brought there specifically for their satisfaction, seated around them that he could’ve called on. He chose you, saw something in you back at that other party. 

A foolish notion, one dismissed quickly from your mind as he pushed inside.

A strangled cry, part pain, part pleasure. Something he liked, apparently. His hand found your throat and pulled you back against his chest, his lips pressed to your ear as he moved, his fingers squeezing with each thrust. 

You heard each intake of breath, each grunt. He wasn’t gentle, didn’t prepare you, didn’t touch you in a kind or thoughtful way. But why would an Emperor ever do such things?

Slowly but surely, he moved easier. And with that came an ache, on the verge of being satisfied. His grip went slack, and you reached out, needing support so you didn’t fall over, finding the wall within reach.

“You will not let another touch you, little lamb,” he grunted, hand abandoning the clothes and instead moving around to press at your abdomen, bringing you in closer.

“Y-Yes,” you breathed, face heating up at the way you sounded. So affected.

“Not even my brother,” he insisted. It should have worried you. You should have known this would be a doomed venture. But you nodded, muttering assent. And that seemed to be enough for him. 

The stonework was smooth in front of you, cold to the touch. You would’ve wanted to press your cheek to it if you weren’t sure you’d wind up with a head injury. 

Lightheaded and legs shaking, you felt his grip around your neck tighten. Pulse pounding in your face as his fingers didn’t let up. You could feel the press of the adornments around his neck as he pulled you back against him. Choked gasps echoed in the small space, his hips stilling. 

Tension. Pressure. A fresh cold sweat. Before you could reach for the hand at your throat, you fell to the floor. He stood above, his expression guarded as he righted his clothes, his chest heaving.

“Go clean yourself up, and wait in my chambers.”

An order. 

Your job was not to pour wine at all.

[shy-taylorsversion]

Bite That Old Man

moodboard for the vibes ; reader has no physical description

Summary - She wants to bite Joel. for some reason, he lets her.

Warnings - biting, teeth, no actual smut, one mention of a boob (plus nipple!!) other wise no physical description, language, age gap in my head but not actually mentioned. heavy kissing. 3rd person pov

word count -1.3k

a/n - this being the first Joel fic I've posted is insane. this entire thing is sooo silly to me but I wrote it in one sitting and well, here ya go I guess.

   She wanted to bite him, maybe wrap her arms around him and squeeze. 

 She didn’t even mean it that way, nothing sexual. Well, maybe a little. It was only a fleeting, absent thought. Something that flitted through her mind that morning as they had breakfast. Following the revelation, Joel Miller was fucking adorable. 

  She wasn’t sure how she missed it this long. The way his hair would curl and fall across his forehead, the honey-glow of his eyes in the sunlight that would make her heart ache, she knew that. The heat that ran through her when his jaw clenched or the muscles of his back flexed when he peeled off his shirt, golden skin slick with sweat from the beating sun that she so badly wanted to lick off. Oh, she knew that. 

   But the giddy bubbling in her chest, she never let that take hold - never felt it hit so suddenly. 

   He sat across from her at the kitchen table, listening to Ellie’s joke. Shaking his head, failing to repress the smile that pulled across his face - the apple of his cheeks pushing up and eyes crinkling. 

      Ellie and Joel resumed their meal but she kept staring long after the moment passed. Focused on sipping his coffee, he was oblivious to her eyes.   Still focused on his face, trying to will herself to calm the school-girl crush threatening to consume her. 

      “Why’re you being weird?” Ellie said, mouth full as she swatted her on the arm with the hand not shoveling eggs into her mouth. She jerked back, breaking her trance and looking at the girl. 

       “I’m not”  It came out too rushed. Her voice was too high, guilty. She’d always been a shit liar, everyone knew it. Face burning, she looked away and busied herself with her drink.        

  “Ellie.” Joel warned.  

 “I’m not the one staring at you like you’re the meal.”  

       “Ellie” 

 “I’m out.” She stood from the table, all teenage attitude and snark. Mumbling under her breath as she walked out. “You guys are fucking gross.”

She had half the mind to beg her to stay, just to avoid being alone but it would’ve been worse. Ellie never filtered her thoughts - much to her current dismay and apparently Joel’s by the way he was looking at her. 

  “I wasn’t being weird.” Damn it.   

He didn’t respond, face blank and bored as he chewed his last bite. Asshole was siking her out, he’d done it before. The silence stressed her and he knew it. Figured it out the first time she lied to him, the day they met and she said she wasn’t armed. Shit liar, horrible under pressure. When she decided to stick around, a very serious conversation was had about not being a dumbass. She was lucky she made it this far in the fucking apocalypse. 

  The way he was staring at her, gaze gripping hers. She was fucked. It had her picking her cuticles, and anxiety replaced the dopey, girly feeling. She wanted to rip her hair out or dart for her bedroom.   

   “You’re cute” The words tumbled out. Hands flew to her mouth like she was stopping any more from falling out. 

 His eyebrows shot up, shock covered his face for a split second before he was nodding. He still didn’t talk, sipping his coffee again. Shit. 

   “And I want to bite you. Wanted.”  She was going to die. She groaned, burying her face in her arms. He was going to kick her out, call her a weird bitch and tell her to pack her things.

  She heard the clink of his mug against the table, the scrap of his chair against the floor but he never stood. She peeked over her arm. 

   Joel sat, legs spread and arms crossed. 

“C’mere then.”  

“What?”  Her head shot up. He couldn’t be serious, he was. Her hands were covering her face again. “You’re making fun of me.” 

   “No ‘M not, darlin’.” He patted his thighs. Oh god. “C’mon.” 

Her face was searing as she stood, bare feet against the cold wooden floor she padded over to him. Stopping next to him, she looked up to meet his eyes. A glint of amusement passed through them though there was something else. He motioned for her to sit on his lap. When she didn’t move fast enough, his hands were on her waist pulling her down and knocking the breath out of her. 

    They’ve never been this close. Warmth radiated from where they touched. Knees bracketed his thighs, not sitting down completely holding onto his neck to prevent her from tipping them off the chair. 

  She was a whirlwind of emotion, an amalgamation of everything she felt in his presence for years. Her heart was aching with affection and beating in her ears, a slight heat simmering low within her from where they were pressed together, and that giddy feeling, that primal urge to sink her teeth into him bloomed in her chest again. 

  “Where?”  His head tipped back, gazing at her before his hands slid down to rest on her hips, pulling her down the rest of the way. She inhaled at the new contact. Brows knit in confusion when she processed the question.

   What was he- Oh. 

        Where.  

She lifted her hand from his neck and circled his cheek with her fingertip, barely breathing. 

   “Go for it, baby.” The corners of his mouth twisted into a half-grin “” M all yours.” 

She groaned desire and embarrassment fluttering through her. Her head hit his shoulder and she buried her face in his neck. This was mortifying. She didn’t understand why he was entertaining her weirdness. 

  “Joel-” She mumbled in an almost whine, feeling his pulse jump when her lips brushed skin.  “This is stupid.” 

For a moment, calloused fingers moved across the skin between her shorts and the top that had ridden up, calm and reassuring. Only breaths filled the room as the morning sun filtered through. Then he tapped for her to sit up. She pulled back, hands resting on her knees. 

   “I can’t.” She shook her head, hands going back over her face. He peeled them away by her wrist and pinned them to his chest. 

 “You can.”  He was smiling at her, a real true teeth-showing smile that reached his eyes and had his cheeks all full. 

She exhaled a laugh, embarrassment waning as she realized he really did want her to and she let herself go. Leaning forward until they were nose to nose, she grinned as his smile grew and giggled. Moving to the right, she let her teeth graze the skin of his cheek. 

     Something ignited in her. 

Hands braced on his shoulders, she nipped at his stubbled jaw down to his neck, teeth catching his earlobe. His head dropped backward as she bit at his throat, teeth just hard enough to leave an impression, tongue darting out against to soothe the mark. 

   A strangled mix of a laugh and a grunt escaped him. His hands trailed up from her hips to her waist, raking her shirt up and stopping when his thumb grazed the underside of her breast. She gasped when he paused, waiting for her permission. She nodded against his neck, inhaling the faint scent of his soap mixed with something she could only describe as Joel. His hand slipped underneath her shirt, fingers brushing against her nipple eliciting another gasp - feeling it pebbled under his touch. 

     She was a panting, desperate mess when their lips met, a clash of teeth and tongue and years of repressed tension. He licked into her mouth, nose brushing against her cheek, hand on the small of her back pressing her flush with him. A ragged breath escaped her as she broke for breath, foreheads pressing together. 

       “Christ, I told you.” Ellie’s voice rang from the doorway, hands covering her eyes. “You guys are fucking gross.”

[jujumin-translates]

[A3!] Sakuya Sakuma | [SSR] MANKAI Treasure | Treasure Hunt: SAKUYA - Part 1

Troupe Member: Good work, Sakuma-kun! You did another great job with the performance today. I’m looking forward to doing it all again tomorrow.

Sakuya: Thank you so much! And good work to you, too!

*Troupe member walks away*

Sakuya: (It makes me really happy to be praised like that.)

Sakuya: (This guest performance has been another really fun one, and I’ve learned so much from it.)

Sakuya: (Wait, didn’t Tenma-kun and Banri-kun mention that they were coming to see it today? …Ah, Banri-kun messaged me on LIME just a bit ago!)

| LIME

BANRI.: Good work on your performance

BANRI.: Drove here with Tenma, so if the timing works out, you wanna catch a ride back with us?

Sakuya: (I’d better reply quickly…!)

Banri: Oh, there you are. Nice work, Sakuya.

Sakuya: Banri-kun! I didn’t know you were waiting for me. Sorry I didn’t get a chance to reply to your message on LIME quickly enough…!

Banri: Don’t worry about it. Figured you wouldn’t be able to respond right away anyway.

Banri: If you were wantin’ to just go home after this, you can hitch a ride with us.

Sakuya: Thanks! Yeah, I’ll come home with you.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Tenma: Oh, Sakuya. Nice work.

Tenma: I was actually gonna go along and wait for you, but Banri-san said that’d probably just cause a whole scene if someone spotted me, so he stopped me from doing that.

Sakuya: Ahaha, he was probably right about that.

Tenma: Anyway, your performance this time was another really good one.

Banri: Right? It was pretty damn impressive and really drew me right in.

Tenma: And your role was also pretty similar to your usual vibe, so it was pretty cool to see your sense of honesty shine through like that, Sakuya.

Banri: All your little gestures were a nice touch when combined with the directing.

Sakuya: It’s kinda embarrassing to hear you saying things like that.

Sakuya: But I really am glad to hear them. Thank you, guys…!

Tenma: It would’ve been nice if Tsumugi-san could’ve come along, too.

Banri: He said he had some errands to run today.

Sakuya: Right. But he said he’d come to see me perform some other day.

Sakuya: I’m really grateful that he’s willing to take time out of his day to come see me like that.

Banri: Nah, no one feels like they’re takin’ time outta their day to come and see you.

Tenma: Yeah. It’s just going to see your performance. It’s just like when you watch dramas that I’m in, Sakuya.

Sakuya: That’s just because I really am interested in the dramas you star in, Tenma-kun. Plus, it’s fun to talk about all the different things we thought were really good about them with everyone afterward…

Tenma: Same goes for your guest performances.

Sakuya: I see. Hehe, I guess it does make sense that things would work the other way around, too.

Sakuya: Thanks. I’ll do my best to put on an even better performance for everyone tomorrow.

Banri: Yeah, lookin’ forward to it.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

*Door opens*

Sakuya: We’re home!

Tenma: We’re home.

Izumi: Welcome ba… Wait, I didn’t expect to see you three together!

Sakuya: Banri-kun and Tenma-kun came to see my guest performance and gave me a ride home after that.

Izumi: Hehe, I see. That’s great, then.

Izumi: Ah, are you guys hungry?

Sakuya: Yeah, I’m kinda starving, actually…

Tenma: Yeah, me too.

Banri: I could eat.

Izumi: Perfect! I made curry with plenty of spring vegetables in it today, so I’ll prepare it for you right away. Just wait a moment.

Tenma: Er… I’m grateful, but plenty of vegetables, huh…

Banri: Quit worryin’ about it. We’re talkin’ about Director-chan’s curry here. It’ll be delicious as it always is. That said, I didn’t even realize it’s already the time of year for spring vegetables.

Sakuya: Same here. But I guess it has been getting warmer and warmer lately, and it’s been feeling more and more like spring every day. 

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Izumi: Alright, here you are. Eat up.

Banri & Sakuya & Tenma: Let’s eat!

Sakuya: Today’s curry is as delicious as always!

Izumi: I’m glad. Right, when you have a minute, there’s something I want to talk to you about, Sakuya-kun.

Sakuya: Sure, what’s up?

Izumi: You know the birthday bromide shoots we’ve been doing? You’re the next one up for a treasure hunt.

Tenma: Oh, speaking of the treasure hunts. That whole project started because we thought the bromide outfits were shining and looked like treasure, right?

Tenma: It’s kinda funny to think about.

Banri: You’re talkin’ about the thing where you’ve gotta find the person who’s prepared a gift based on a hint note, right? 

Sakuya: So you search for things and record while looking for them!

Izumi: Exactly. But it’s more so just like a home video to commemorate and record all the details of it. So you can just take it easy.

Sakuya: Got it.

Sakuya: Doing a treasure hunt based on hints sounds really interesting. I can’t wait for the actual day to come!

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Izumi: Okay, here’s your hint note and a camera to record.

Sakuya: Thank you so much! I’m kinda excited.

Sakuya: Umm, this hint is… “An app for compiling performance thoughts”?

Izumi: Do you know where the place is?

Sakuya: Yeah! And I think I might already know who the hint’s from, too.

*Camera starts recording*

Sakuya: Alright, now that the camera’s rolling… I’m off!

Izumi: See you! Have fun.

[ Next Part ⇢ ]

[ryomensdoll]

roommate!sukuna x reader smut

Uhhh I'm so down bad for this man. This is something I just quickly threw together ...and yes I kicked my feet the whole time you can shut up now. I'M OVULATING OKAY!? Also this is my first time ever writing smut or any fanfic for that matter so if it sucks oop- > Warnings: 18+, smut, somnophilia mentioned, fingering, sukuna makes reader clean his fingers, choking, creampie, dom-kuna/sub-reader, nothing crazy just typical sukuna behavior, it's short and rushed, there is context but it's lazy, horny ass writing, uuhhh yeah, sukuna is an asshole but what's new? reader is the shy and easily flustered type, but she's also naughty. if I forgot any lmk > Word count: 4.2k (holy shit I didn't even know I wrote that much wtf) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ roommate!sukuna x reader smut

Being Sukuna’s roommate was a nightmare.

Not in the typical “he leaves dishes in the sink” way. No, that would’ve been way too easy. Ryomen Sukuna was an entirely different kind of problem, the kind that came with a towering frame, a voice like sin, and a cocky smirk that made your stomach have those stupid butterflies in a way you’d rather not acknowledge.

He was your own personal tormentor, hell-bent on getting under your skin. And, to his credit, he was damn good at it.

It started off small: stolen food, flicking your forehead when you ignored him, ruffling your hair just to piss you off. Then it escalated. Coming up behind you while you were making coffee, his chest pressing against your back. Making lewd comments just to watch you get flustered. Walking around shirtless, knowing full well you’d glance, against your own will, before tearing your eyes away.

And when that didn’t get the reaction he wanted?

He started touching your stuff.

He’d rifle through your books, pretend to read them, then get bored and leave them open to random pages. He’d steal your pens. Your hair ties. One time he stole your tube top and wore it as a headband. Like, you can't make this shit up.

You swore up and down that you hated him.

But that wasn't really the truth, was it? Because in reality, you liked his silly antics, in a way that wasn't quite healthy.

And that's what you actually hated.

You tried to be strong, to fight it. To roll your eyes and shove him off, to pretend you were immune to his bullshit. But late at night, when you were alone in your room, the thoughts would creep in. His hands. His mouth. His voice.

You’d tell yourself it was just frustration, that it would pass. That he was just a stupid frat boy, not someone you actually wanted.

But then you started writing about him.

It was meant to be a way to vent. Or just to stop yourself from being shameless enough to masturbate to the thought of him. To get the thoughts out of your head and onto paper where they couldn’t haunt you. But what started as frustration quickly turned into confession.

Page after page, you spilled out every filthy thought, every desire you refused to admit out loud. The way you wanted him to ruin you. The way you wanted to stop resisting. The way you wanted to wake up with him already inside you, stretching you open before you even had the chance to tell him no.

That had been your life for the past few months, but now? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's like any other night, and now Sukuna was standing in your bedroom, surmising what his next ploy would be.

You were dead asleep on your bed, having been exhausted from your studies that day. He’d crept in like he had a dozen times before, purely to fuck with you. He never stole anything important. He would just rearranged your books, unplugged your phone charger, flipped your alarm clock upside down. Just enough to annoy you, to make you storm into the living room the next morning with fire in your eyes, ready to cuss him out. He lived for that look, for the way you spat his name like a curse, for the challenge that simmered beneath your irritation.

Tonight was no different.

He ran a hand through his hair, eyes scanning the room for his next crime. Maybe he’d hide your laptop charger. Or dump your neatly folded laundry onto the floor.

Then his eyes locked onto something near your nightstand. A book? No, a journal.

Sukuna knew he shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t. But you had made it too easy, leaving it right there, tempting him. If you truly didn’t want him snooping, you would’ve locked it up somewhere, right? He walked over to the nightstand slowly, careful not to wake you.

The first page was harmless; just scribbled thoughts, a few mundane entries. Boring. He nearly tossed it aside, more than eager to get back to his antics.

Then he saw his own name.

Right there, inked onto the page in your familiar handwriting, mere inches from where you lay sleeping.

Sukuna’s smirk twitched, curiosity sparking. His fingers tightened around the worn edges of the journal as he flipped the page. Then another. And another.

The more he read, the more his grin faded.

He expected to find complaints. Stuff like, 'Fucking Sukuna won’t leave me alone. I hate him. He’s such an asshole.'

But instead—

'I think about him too much.'

His breath slowed. His eyes flicked toward you.

You were still, chest rising and falling in deep, steady breaths, lips parted slightly in sleep. Completely unaware of the way he stood looming over you, flipping through your darkest, filthiest thoughts.

He turned another page.

'I don’t want to want him, but I do.'

Another.

'I want him to pin me down. Hold me there. Make me take it.'

Sukuna went still for a moment.

A slow heat coiled in his gut, sharp and electric. He let out a quiet exhale, gripping the edges of the journal just a little too tight. Fuck.

He had spent months toying with you, always testing, always pushing, waiting for the moment you’d finally snap. But this? Resisting something you desperately wanted.

His gaze dragged over you, slow and unhurried.

Your delicate, exposed throat. The way your body curled slightly into yourself, vulnerable, unaware. The rise and fall of your chest beneath your thin sleep shirt.

His lips curled into something darker. You had been fighting a losing battle this entire time.

Sukuna closed the journal, exhaling a quiet chuckle with a manical grin. "Let's see how you look when confronted with this..." He mutters to himself.

Sukuna walks over to the door of your bedroom, journal in hand, and he closes it shut, pretty damn hard. Hard enough to wake you.

You wake up immediately to the sound of your door slamming, the soft lock clicking after, and you sit up instantly. As your eyes flutter open, you catch the silhouette of a man standing at the foot of your bed.

Your insufferable, cocky, completely unpredictable roommate Sukuna.

Your stomach tightens as you register the way he’s holding something... your journal. His lips are curled into a lazy smirk, fingers thumbing through the pages with blatant amusement.

“Didn’t take you for the kinky type, sweetheart,” he drawls, flipping a page. “And yet… look at all these filthy little confessions.” His eyes gleam in the dim light as they flick up to yours, predatory and unreadable.

Your heart stammers in your chest. “What the fuck, Sukuna?” you snap, scrambling to grab the journal from him but he pulls back.

He merely tilts his head, unimpressed by your flustered reaction. “Tsk. Don’t act all shy now. You wrote this for someone to read, didn’t you?” He steps closer, the air between you thick with his presence. “Or were you hoping I’d find it?”

Your pulse pounds in your throat as he reads aloud, voice dipping into a mocking purr:

“‘It would be a dream come true to wake up with him sinking inside of me…’”

Your breath catches, shame burning through you like wildfire. “You’re an asshole,” you hiss, lunging to snatch the journal from his hands.

But he’s faster.

Sukuna grabs your wrist, yanking you forward with effortless strength until your knees hit the edge of the mattress. He leans down, lips grazing your ear as he hums, “I’d say you have two options, princess.” His grip tightens, just enough to remind you of how easily he could overpower you.

“One… you can keep pretending you don’t want this.” His free hand skims up your thigh, pushing the blanket away as his breath fans against your neck. “Or two…” He tilts your chin up, forcing you to meet his gaze, dark and glinting with something sinister.

“…You can let me make that these little dreams of yours come true.”

His lips hover over yours, waiting, taunting. Daring you to make the choice.

And fuck—your body is already betraying you. You're so turned on it must be unfair.

You shudder as his grip tightens around your wrist, his body heat pressing into you, suffocating in the best way. Your heart pounds as you meet his gaze. He’s waiting, daring you to push him away, but you don’t. You can’t.

"S-Sukuna I-" You're unable to finish as he harshly grabs your cheeks, squeezing your face a bit, enjoying the sight of a bright red, blushing idiot.

He laughs amused. "You gonna choose or what?" He says smugly, knowing full well you're already unraveling for him. Your face is on fire and the heat pooling within you is too much to handle. You'd never give into his antics so much, but under these circumstances, within his grasp, the last thing in your mind is denying him.

"I-I want the fantasies t-to come true..." You shut your eyes tight after admitting this, unable to look at him after saying such an embarrassing thing.

A slow, wicked grin spreads across his lips. “That’s what I thought.”

The journal slips from his fingers, landing forgotten on the floor as he shoves you back onto the bed, the motion jolting your breath but leaving no time to protest. Sukuna is on you before you can even think, moving with the deliberate, unhurried confidence of a predator that already knows its prey won’t run.

The weight of him pins you down, broad and unyielding, caging you beneath him. It’s suffocating in the best way, stealing the breath from your lungs, making your head spin. You’ve imagined this—god, you’ve imagined this, but reality is something else entirely. The way his body presses against yours, the solid warmth of him, the intoxicating scent of his skin—cologne, smoke, something darker, something undeniably him and full of sin.

“You wanted to wake up with me inside you?” His voice is a lazy murmur, the barest hint of amusement lacing his words as his fingers ghost down your body, tracing over the fabric of your shirt, barely touching, just enough to make you need. “Should’ve told me sooner, sweetheart.” His breath is hot against your ear. “Would’ve made it happen every night.”

A shiver rolls through you. You can’t tell if it’s from his touch or the weight of his words... every night... As if he has no intention of this being a one-time thing.

His mouth finds your throat, his teeth scraping against sensitive skin before he bites. Not gentle, not careful. You gasp, pleasure sharp and electric, the sting of it sending heat pooling low in your stomach. He chuckles against your neck, pleased, his tongue flicking over the fresh mark, soothing what he just ruined.

“You’re already so easy,” he murmurs, the warmth of his breath tickling your skin as his hand slides under your shirt, his palm rough, calloused, searing against the softness of your stomach and moving up slowly and teasingly to your breasts. “Didn’t even have to try, did I?”

A flame within you still wants to fight him, to not surrender so easily, but what’s the point when your body is already betraying you? When you’re already arching into his touch, already gasping at the feeling of his fingers dragging lower, teasing, tormenting?

Sukuna shifts down, dragging the blanket off you completely, exposing you to the cool air, and to him. His gaze is molten, hungry, as his fingers skim down your stomach, inching lower, pressing between your thighs.

A pleased growl rumbles in his chest. “Fuck.” His fingers stroke once, testing, and he exhales a quiet chuckle. “Soaked just from me reading your little fantasies out loud?” His tone is mocking, but beneath it is something else, something darker, satisfaction, possession. “You’re filthier than I thought.”

You whimper, hips shifting, desperate for more than just his teasing touch. The tension is unbearable, the fire in your veins turning molten, burning for something only he can give. You grab at his shoulders, nails digging in, frustration boiling over. “Sukuna—”

“Say it.” His voice is firm, a command rather than a request. His eyes lock onto yours, dark and expectant. “Tell me you want it.”

The words catch in your throat, not from embarrassment, but from sheer need. Because he knows. He knows you’re already too far gone, already wound too tight, already at the mercy of whatever he decides to give you.

Your pride wants to fight it. But your body is already surrendering.

Your breath shudders as you exhale, the last of your resistance slipping away. “I want it.”

Sukuna’s grin turns sharp, feral. “That’s my girl.”

He rewards your honesty by pushing two fingers deep within your throbbing cunt. Your moans are already lewd and embarrassing and this is just the start.

His pace with his hand is maddening as he works on you like he's done this for over a thousand years. The pressure building up within you is already immense.

He pulls his fingers out suddenly, forcing them into your mouth, making you taste. As soon as he orders it you're obediently sucking all your lewd juices off of him. He finds it cute the way you're submitting to him so soon.

Suddenly, his hands are on you again, gripping, claiming. The fabric of your shirt bunches in his fists before he tears it upward, dragging it over your head in one swift motion. His gaze drops, raking over your newly exposed skin, and something dark and hungry flares in his eyes.

A low growl rumbles in his chest. “Look at you.” His fingers trace the lines of your body, slow, possessive, making you shiver beneath his touch. “Been hiding this from me all this time?”

Heat sears your cheeks, but before you can retort, his mouth is on you. Hot, demanding, teeth scraping against the delicate skin of your collarbone before his tongue soothes the sting. His lips trail lower, claiming more of you, sucking new bruises into your skin, marking you as his.

His hands move with ruthless efficiency, unclasping, unzipping, removing layers of clothing vanishing between gasps and stolen breaths. Every inch of exposed skin is met with his touch, his mouth, his teeth, until you’re left bare beneath him, your body trembling with anticipation.

You should feel vulnerable like this laid out under his gaze, utterly exposed, but the way he looks at you? Like he owns you already? It only sets you on fire.

“Fuck,” he mutters, almost to himself, as his hands roam, fingers digging into your hips, thumbs brushing over sensitive skin. His voice is lower now, rougher. “You’re perfect.”

Your breath catches, but Sukuna doesn’t give you a moment to recover. His lips crash against yours. Hard, devouring, leaving no space for air, no space for thought. His tongue parts your lips, claiming your mouth the same way he’s claimed the rest of you, making you feel just how much he wants this.

One of his hands slides lower again, teasing over your thigh before gripping it, yanking your legs open so he can settle between them. His fingers toying with your soaked clit, it's not enough for you. Your nails dig into his shoulders, your hips arching up in silent demand.

He chuckles against your mouth, breaking the kiss to murmur, “Impatient, aren’t we?”

You glare, but the effect is ruined by the way you whimper when he presses his knee between your thighs, applying just enough pressure to drive you insane.

“Fuck you,” you manage, breathless.

“Oh, I intend to.” His smirk is pure sin, and then his fingers are back on you, gripping your jaw, tilting your face up so you have no choice but to look at him. His voice drops to a low, taunting whisper. “But I like watching you squirm first.”

And god, he does exactly that. He doesn't let up on your clit, flicking and pinching your sensitive bud in a way that makes you shamefully moan into his mouth. His mouth finds your throat again, trailing lower, his tongue flicking over your pulse before he bites, harder than before. You’re a mess beneath him, every nerve alight, every teasing brush of his skin against yours making it harder to think, harder to breathe.

“Shit,” he mutters, as if the feeling of you slick and desperate around his fingers is enough to test even his patience. His other hand tightens on your thigh. “You’re so fucking ready for me.”

You whimper, rocking against his hand, your body begging, pleading.

And then he’s shifting, positioning himself against you, his weight pressing down, suffocating in the most intoxicating way.

A smirk curls at his lips as he watches your expression—the anticipation in your eyes, the way your breath hitches, but then he pauses. Not to tease, not to be cruel, but to strip away the last barrier between you.

He takes his shirt off in an effortless motion and then his fingers hook into the waistband of his sweats, dragging them down with an unbearable slowness, the fabric slipping past his hips, down thick, muscular thighs, until he’s finally bare before you.

And god you think he’s perfect. Cause, I mean, he is.

The room feels impossibly hot as your gaze rakes over him, over the sharp ridges of his abs, the inked patterns that stretch across his skin, bold and carnal. The tattoos that you’ve seen glimpses of before, from his moments of teasing you while shirtless, are now on full display, and they only make him look more dangerous. More like something you were never meant to touch, but desperately want to.

Your eyes dip lower, and- fuck.

A shiver runs through you at the sheer size of his cock, thick and intimidating. The breath catches in your throat, thighs instinctively pressing together, but Sukuna notices. Of course he does.

His smirk turns downright sinful. “What’s the matter, princess?” He leans in, his lips ghosting over yours, reveling in the way your body reacts, the way you squirm beneath him. “Having second thoughts?”

You shake your head, barely able to form words, because no, this is exactly what you want, what you’ve wanted for so long it hurts.

That’s all he needs.

Without warning, he aligns himself with you. You can feel the tip pushing teasingly against your needy pussy. You're impatient, but feeling how massive he is against your tight hole makes you second guess again. "W-Wait 'Kuna-AAH!" You choke on your words as he starts pressing inside, inch by agonizing inch, stretching you, filling you completely.

A strangled moan rips from your throat, your fingers digging into his back, your body aching from how deep he is. Your face bright red and eyes starting to water, you beg for mercy.

"'Kuna f-fuck ss'too much!" You whine against him.

Sukuna groans, his head dropping for a fleeting second. “Fuck-” His voice is rough, strained, as if even he wasn’t expecting you to feel this good.

He pulls back slightly, just to thrust in deeper, forcing a whimper from your lips.

“Been thinking about this, haven’t you?” His voice is a low murmur against your ear, his pace slow, torturous, drawing out every sensation. “Fantasizing about me fucking you like this while you lay here, pretending to hate me?”

You bite your lip, refusing to answer, but Sukuna isn’t having that. "Aww don't wanna talk? That's okay." You think for a moment you'll catch a break from him, that he'll slow the pace a little, but you're so wrong. Oh so wrong.

"Guess I'll just—have to—make you—talk—" He says between thrusts, bottoming out into you each time, and oh does it work. You're practically screaming his name now. "Ah, mmph! Ah-! Su-ukuna f-fuck umph- ah!" Your desperate moans are music to his ears. He grins devilishly as he enjoys every moment of you like this.

As you try to suppress your moans out of embarrassment, Sukuna's eyes flicker with a cruel look.

His fingers wrap around your throat, not squeezing, just holding, a silent reminder of his control. His thumb drags over the delicate line of your jaw, tilting your chin up, forcing you to meet his gaze. His eyes burn into you, daring, demanding.

“Don’t think you can hide your sounds from me.” His grip tightens, just enough to make your pulse race, just enough to make your breath hitch in anticipation. “Do you really want this?”

Your head tilts back, surrendering. “Yes—fuck, yes.”

His smirk is pure satisfaction. “Good girl.”

And with that he ruins you.

His pace turns brutal, merciless, each thrust stealing the breath from your lungs, forcing broken moans from your lips. His name spills from you in gasps, in desperate, helpless cries, and he devours every sound, every reaction, like they were made just for him.

“You take me so fucking well,” he groans, his teeth grazing your jaw before biting down again, claiming you in every way possible. “Just like you wanted, huh? Just like you wrote in that filthy little diary.”

Your mind is unraveling, your body helpless against the overwhelming pleasure. His cock slamming into you relentlessly makes your head feel dizzy. You swear you can feel the tip bullying your cervix. It’s too much, too good, too consuming, winding you tighter and tighter until you’re on the verge of shattering.

"'K-Kuna please-"

Sukuna feels it. Senses it. His smirk deepens, sharp and knowing.

“Come on, princess,” he rasps, his fingers slipping between your thighs, rubbing just the right way on your clit as he continues to rut into you. “Cum for me.”

And you do. Would you really disobey him now?

The pleasure crashes over you in violent, blinding waves, your entire body tensing, trembling beneath him. A cry tears from your throat, your vision going white, your nails digging into his skin as you fall apart.

Sukuna doesn’t stop. He fucks you through it, drawing it out, making sure you feel every second of your unraveling. And when he finally follows, burying his cock deep within your poor aching cunt as he groans into your neck. The warmth of him flooding you only makes the pleasure linger, dizzying and all-consuming.

For a long moment, the only sound in the room is the heavy rhythm of your breaths. You cling to him lazily, your mind and body still in a whirlwind from moments before. Then Sukuna chuckles, low and satisfied, his lips tracing lazy, possessive kisses over your shoulder.

“Guess I should sneak into your room more often,” he muses.

You groan, too spent to shove him off. “You're still an asshole 'Kuna”

He smirks, pressing a kiss to your jaw, smug as ever.

“And you love it.”

[doppel-doodles]

Thoughts and feelings on Poppy: Small analysis.

Didn't think I would make another one of these anytime soon buuuuut looks like my brain had different plans, so let's dicuss the knock-off Chucky shall we?

While by no means her biggest fan I feel like Poppy actions deserve a bit more civil discussion than hate. (That's not to say that you shouldn't hate on her. You should, it's hilarious.)

While not a good person by any stretch of the imagination, I genuinely think Poppy kinda has a point with her ambition to blow everything up.

Like- rationally that is the objectively the better choice to bury everything because be for real with me: These toys are not safe and neither is the world outside the factory.

There is a higher chance of them being locked up for research or being shot on sight than there is of anyone actually trying to integrate them into society, and even if someone did there is also a very likely scenario of any stress Inducing situation causing a toy to feel threatened and go into fight mode, which how you get a dead guy on the floor.

And even if they lived in hiding instead, exactly how different would that be from living in the factory? Now instead having to worry about murder toys they also have stuff like: weather,wild animals and of course humans-

So an ideal solution would be to bury it all, let the victims finally rest in peace, make these horrors public and never repeat this mistake again.

Of course there is the fact that these are not objects or mindless monsters, they are all still people with very real human emotions and thoughts who have shown themselves to be capable of being peaceful when feeling safe.

But even in an ideal world I doubt that there wouldn't be any incidents considering that anyone currently alive in the factory is or was at one point a murderer.

Where Poppy lost me is the part where she made it abundantly clear that SHE would get to live, not because it was a necessary step, no,no she just didn't wanna die. If YOU make the decision to sink the ship then you better be ready to go down with it captain.

She is part of this, a part of the horrors. They will live on with her just like they would with ANY other living toy she does not get a pass just because she is tall enough to be kicked around like a football, if Bobby bearhug overhere was able to maul me to death then so can she-

It's honestly just a dick move on her part and a massive "fuck you" to everyone else as it implies that she somehow is special or deserves to live more instead of them when she is no different than the others, but their sacrifice insures her survival.

That is why we side with Doey outside the game.

But-

A point people tend to brush aside is that she isn't just looking out for her own survival, the plan is that we,kissy and poppy are going to rescue the orphans sleeping in the factory but like, how do we know they are actually alive?

Even if we take Poppy at her word(which we shouldn’t as she is an unreliable narrator) that they weren't killed during the hour of joy and actually were put into a coma, that was years ago.

Once you think about the likelihood of that still being the case you start to see all the holes in that statement.

You tell me a bunch of children put into a medically induced coma for YEARS are still alive and well under the care of an insane monster in a factory that's falling apart?

If that's the case I want the prototype as my actual doctor he probably has already found a way to keep me young and healthy forever.

If 2+2=4

Stay with me here.

Then I ain't gotta be a genius to know this shit don't add up-

Like Poppy is also not dumb, I think she would’ve at least considered that possibility right?

Or maybe she didn’t.

Because she didn’t want to consider that scenario.

Poppy is a very flawed character: A coward,selfish and very headstrong in her plans. She’ll figure out how to get her way whether you like it or not and she tends to not pay the feelings of others not much mind, focusing on the bigger picture.

But she is far from the worst person here, she is a victim in all of this but that doesn’t mean she is incapable of being bad either.

Those flaws mentioned above as well as her fear to get locked up again or worse drive a lot of her actions in game and clearly she has ulterior motives.

I find her fascinating, similar to kevin she is not the perfect victim so I get the vibe that the fandom is way harsher to judge her.

People also don't simp for her like they do for the doctor and completely disregard all of his actions but I digress-

Anyway thanks for joining me fellas that's all I'm gonna say for now.

[steviewashere]

Back in My Head Again

Rating: Mature CW: Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Steve Harrington, Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use (In Various Points), Mental Health Issues, Past Referenced Parent Death Pairings: Tommy Hagan & Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington & Steve Harrington's Father, Steddie Tags: Post-Canon, Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Steve Harrington's Father Being an Asshole, Steve Harrington Making Some Bad Decisions, Impulsive Steve Harrington, Good Friend Tommy Hagan, Protective Tommy Hagan, Tommy Hagan Takes Care of Steve Harrington, Tommy Hagan Cares About Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington is Loved, Eddie Munson Loves Steve Harrington, Eddie & Tommy Bonding About Steve, Childhood Friends, Hopeful Ending This one's a very personal piece to me. So please be kind, but also take care of yourselves. This one gets dark really fucking fast. Read all content warnings and tags, take care! <3 Also on ao3 (because this is long)

☎️—————☎️ Tommy’s the only one who knows what happened to his mom. It’s not that he’s keeping her death a secret, but it’s easier to just not say anything. Sometimes, when he’s quiet in a room, all the eyes around him are a bit more attentive than they’d be if he were just being stupid. He only found out because Steve needed an ear to listen and a brain that remembers when she had been sweet.

Not that his mom hadn’t been nice or sweet or motherly. She was just…different near the end. Combative. Argumentative. Angry. He could breathe the wrong way and receive an earful for the way his nostrils whistle. Had he known the inevitable, maybe he would’ve been a little bit more receptive to her comments, accepted them like soft punches to an even softer pillow, but as it was, he was just as angry—if not more.

With her gone, his dad became worse.

They weren’t, like, buddies before she died. But if they were in the same room? Well, it would take a whole lot of tongue biting, but Steve could manage it. With his nose cradled in the crook of his elbow, all his words muffled by warm skin, and hands curled into tight white fists. At least in the before, there were only a handful of times where he felt the need to be scared of his dad. The one afternoon where he came home from a basketball practice—pent up and exhausted, hungry as hell, sweating where the sun didn’t shine—and his dad had been furious about something probably ridiculous, and charged at him from the other side of the room. Steve had acted on a weakened instinct, one he thought he trained to be obediently dormant, but when his fists went up in front of his face and his eyebrows furrowed into the soft hoods of his eyelids, he knew he’d always had to be ready just in case.

Maybe he was just a spoilt brat. Maybe he was just an angsty teenager with too many misplaced emotions. Maybe he was just naive.

But he had been ready, always, to pack his shit, dodge some punches, and get the hell back. Though, when his mom was alive, he survived on her affection like a sick bee needing sugar. Now, without her? It was a matter of time before his dad starved him. Or worse.

Tommy knew, though, about his parents. That his mom died suddenly and too young. That his dad was an asshole. He knew about the always packed backpack in his closet, the overstocked first aid kit he hid under his bed, and that secret he let spill from his lips too late one evening, beer soaked on his tongue, a hunger for Tommy’s freckles in the deep pit of his stomach—I want to kiss you, is that weird?

Was it maybe too weird that he went to Tommy still? Even after everything? Even after telling him off in that parking lot? Maybe, but Steve’s never been one to make good decisions. But there was a certain sort of security blanket when it came to talking to Tommy. 

After a bad hookup? He went to Tommy. Drank a little too much and needed somebody to not judge him for it? He called Tommy. Wet the bed from a nightmare like he did as a kid? To his childhood friend, Tommy, he ran to.

They’ve seen each other at their worsts. Well, the non-NDA, government cover-up worsts. He’d been there for Tommy when his parents divorced. Been there the first time Tommy had been rejected. Been there when Tommy was sick with the flu, threw up a little too hard, and gave himself a nose bleed. And in turn…

Steve trusted Tommy still, despite it all.

Was it unhealthy? To rely on Tommy in certain dire moments and then to recede as if it never happened? Oh yeah, Steve can recognize that. But would he go to Robin with information about his dad? No, unfortunately, he wouldn’t. There’s not enough time and comfort and days spread between them.

He’s known Tommy since he was seven years old.

If they weren’t such big piles of shit, to each other, to themselves, maybe they’d still be orbiting. But. They are, that’s the problem. They are.

Now, though, he needs Tommy.

Hugging a payphone by the nearby park, wrapped up in loose, thin layers, seventeen degrees and lips turning purple, he needs him.

“C’mon, Tommy…c’mon,” he mutters, breath puffing in front of him in a large white cloud. This is his last quarter. His cheeks are searing with tears. There aren’t gloves on his hands, his fingers are fucking numb and bluish. He’d go home, but his dad is there. Drunk and stubborn and angry, his dad is always there.

Finally, on the last ring, it’s picked up. “Hello?” Tommy answers gruffly.

Steve sobs, hard and sour and ugly, “T-Tommy.”

“Holy shit,” he hears, that voice now alert, “Steve, is that you? Oh my god, are you okay?”

His eyes dart around. The street is empty. There’s ice under his stupid sneakers, one wrong move and he’ll give himself another concussion. Words bubble in his throat, but all that leaves him is an awkward, dry retch.

“Hey,” Tommy whispers, “take…take a deep breath for me, okay? I’m—Take a moment, I’m right here.”

The breath stutters in his chest, hiccuping and sharp and painful. He heaves a sigh, is praised for it, and sniffles. “My d-dad f-fucking sucks. I hate him, Tommy. I fucking hate him.”

Over the line, Tommy shuffles—probably in his bed, this late at night; 3:23am, when Steve hazily glances at his watch. “I know,” he says softly, “what’d he do, Stevie? Or is he just…”

“He—fuck—I came downstairs to get some water, y’know, and…and I don’t know, he was just in the kitchen. I could…I could see the alcohol on the counter, so he was drinking, and he’s always drinking, Tommy…he’s always, always—but he saw me and h-he called me an asshole, I know I am, but I just—I was just trying to get some water and he just said it and he—he said it was my fault that my mom, that she…”

The moment ‘mom’ leaves his tongue, the sobs boil again in his throat. Gurgling and wet, he allows it to happen. Bile-laden sobs rip wild through his chest, staining the back of his mouth, heaving out of him because the breath burns through him too fast to mean anything. He blubbers, words incoherent through his teeth, slurred in a way only his dad knows how. And it’s within the blink of an eye, sorry on himself that he’s so close to being just like him, that he’s wrenching something deep from within his pocket.

On his sixteenth birthday, only a few short years ago, his grandpa had still been alive. Happy and well. There was one thing he gave him. A pocket knife. Heavy silver handle, sharpened silver blade, his name engraved in pointed letters. It was for self-defense, a good tool just in case of an emergency.

Is it self-defense if it was himself that he was protecting from?

Is it self-defense if it pierces between his ribs?

Is it self-defense if it was an emergency escape?

“Where are you?” Tommy asks. It’s urgent in the air, as if he’d already been asking it in Steve’s daze, looking down at the pocket knife shiny in his grip. “I’m going to come get you. Where are you?”

He could bite his tongue, he’s good at it. 

But one thing about Tommy that nobody else knows is that he’s perceptive as hell.

Steve could swallow his own tongue, but even then, Tommy would pick up that something is going seriously wrong.

“That park near my house,” he mumbles in response, “you know where it is?”

“You see a bench nearby?”

He nods stupidly, humming without words.

“Can you sit on it for me, Steve?”

“Yeah,” he whispers, “I can do that.”

“Okay,” Tommy sighs, but it doesn’t sound put-out. It’s relief. “Stay on that bench and wait for me, okay? I want to be able to see you.”

Steve hums again. Bobbles his heavy, eyes-burning head. “Tommy?”

“Yeah?”

“Hurry?”

His hand fists tighter around the folded pocket knife. Thumbnail etching into his own name, eggshell white paint chipping at the pressure. One wrong move, one wrong thought, one wrong second—he takes a deep breath, the air burning inside him, and can pinpoint the exact spot where the blade would rest. It’d be just one quick push. One last scream. One last bout of terror. The metal is cold in the center of his palm, yet his fingers haven’t quite picked up on the temperature.

“‘Course,” Tommy murmurs, “I’ll find you soon.”

The phone buzzes dead in his ear. There are tears crisp and hot to the gentle wobble of his chin. He darts his eyes to the nearby park bench, lonely and dark with a gentle spattering of snow along its back, and he begins the gentle path forward. Tiptoeing around sheets of slick, thin ice. Fog in the air hanging, clouding the dark sky to be a semi-permanent pale grey. He settles himself on the bench, the cold seat against his pants.

In his hand, the knife rests uneasily. It’s a light thing, but tonight it’s especially heavy. Especially daunting. He blinks, still looking at it with his tired, seeping eyes, and curls his fingers around it. It doesn’t go back to his pocket, though.

He doesn’t know, really, why he took the little knife with him. As if, possibly, there’d be a demodog out there searching for him—that’s the only truth he can bring to the forefront of his mind. That he’d be hunted down by something he could only control with the folds of his own flesh, but even that’s a sorry excuse; the demo-creatures have long since been rid of, they were connected to Vecna, and Vecna’s as good as dirt. If he had to think of a reason, Steve could conjure up reality with a simple blink. Somewhere in the back of his mind, the need had always been there.

To kill himself.

That’s as bluntly as he could put it.

Even that brings a fresh churn to his ever-churning stomach.

The need had been there, though. An etch to the sketch of his whole person. A fleeting thing. Maybe since the first time he’d been left home alone—eight years old and confused. Maybe when he called the police after his dad had hit him the first time—ten years old and told that that’s how bad kids are punished, a spanking. Maybe when he drank himself into near hysteria—thirteen years old and puking up his lungs in his mom’s nice peonies outside the kitchen window. Or maybe it was after the demogorgon—seventeen.

Could’ve been in part because of Nancy or even Jonathan. Possibly Carol. Even Barb. At one point, definitely, Tommy.

But even he knows pointing fingers at friends is pointless.

This need, this feeling, the weight of the knife in his hand—

He’d always held the handle. It was just a matter of sensitivities that controlled the blade.

Why this time?

Why now?

Because he was an asshole? Whatever. He’s been an asshole. Because his dad was home? Whatever. Steve’s always wanted him home. Because his mom was dead? Whatever. She’s been dead for over a year now. No Vecna to get her, no demogorgon to savor her—he had been eighteen, she had been sick, like really fucking sick…it was nobody’s fault.

So why now? Steve couldn’t even pinpoint the reason.

It was a build probably. Unresolved shit from the Upside Down, hand in hand with his failing minimum wage job, with his spiral of never-ending college rejection letters, on and on. He never went through with flicking open the blade. Had to protect and whatnot. Is it because there’s no reason to protect? Is it because he doesn’t have to now?

Sure, he was staying because of Dustin, Max, the lot of them, Robin, and Eddie.

He wasn’t staying for himself, though.

Why would he? Who could?

He’s always had this need to never truly pocket the knife. Despite its name.

It belonged to him. Name on it and everything. And as fate should see it, maybe it was a sign.

Read: Steve Harrington is fucked in the head and is going to do something about it.

Read: Steve Harrington brandishes a weapon and he knows how to use it.

Read: Steve Harrington wants to die and has wanted to for a really long time.

Longer than he cares to admit.

He flicks the handle, blade unsheathing with a quick schtick! It’s shiny and clean. Never used. There’d been a back up pocket knife, one he was given from his dad; it was only ever used for shotgunning beers. Couldn’t bring himself to use it for anything else outside of that. And he couldn’t ever hurt himself, not when he was swimming and playing basketball. Everybody would see. Everybody would know. He was known, sure, but not known, and the prospect of that brings a fresh wave of goosebumps to his arms. Unless that’s the cold. But the point still stands.

The knife he currently has, shiny and clean, it could use a little grit to it. Some roughage.

Why hadn’t he killed himself, though? Was it the blood that made him squeamish? The fact he’d hurt anyway? He could drown, but then there was the problem of his bloated corpse. And there was the possibility of overdosing, but then somebody would go all detective on his stupid body, trace back the ketamine in his system to Eddie…Eddie doesn’t deserve that.

He’s had plans. They were kind of…intrusive, though. Made in a split second decision. The ketamine one, he almost went through with that. Bought as much as he was allowed to purchase in one sitting, whatever Eddie was willing to part with—years ago, he has half a mind to squander, he doesn’t sell like that anymore—and then he’d return a few days later, stock up some more…he was just gonna go for it. All in one sitting. Lock the bathroom door behind him. He had even brought in a dining chair the night he was going to, set it up underneath the doorknob and everything, yet when it came to the actual drugs…

The toilet had a very open mouth and very willing stomach that night.

There was the quarry. He’d only been there a few times. Not since Will’s “body” had been discovered, but he’d been there before. It was always during a morning jog. Crisp autumn air, low hanging fog, nobody on the roads. Steve would make a detour, in his short sleeve t-shirt and even shorter shorts, and he’d jog right up to the edge.

It was farther and farther and farther down the more he went. The more he grew. Even when he sat, he was taller than the time before. Sometimes he’d throw a rock, watch it skitter down the sharp edges of other rocks, listen until the sound disappeared, until the only thing that gave proof it was there were the ripples in the water far below. There was always a passing thought, though, that he’d leave a lot more evidence behind. Every sharp edge stained with proof of him. He wanted nothing left in his wake. Wanted it to look like somebody had just snatched him while he was out, dumped him in the water, had very little care for his body. Because who would care? No, if he went through with his plan, there’d be evidence. The news would break: Steve Harrington, age 15, Death By Suicide. Or would they publish it? Beat around the bush, probably. Save face and all.

Point is, there had been plans steadily over the years. Each one getting smaller and smaller and lesser and lesser. It was always the clean up that startled him. The fear that little bits and pieces of him would be left behind. Vomited foam from his mouth, blood from his head, the wet shadow of his body pulled from the pool. He’d be everywhere. And everyone would know.

Steve Harrington was suicidal.

King Steve Harrington had problems.

Steve Harrington was a scared little boy, hardly a man, and oh how fun that is to laugh at.

Who would miss him? Well and truly miss him?

At eighteen? Dustin. Maybe Nancy. Maybe even Jonathan. They’d would’ve gotten over it, wouldn’t they have? Poor Steve Harrington, the ex and the babysitter. At fifteen? Just Tommy and Carol. He always imagined it, people like Barb and Nancy and Robin and Eddie, all of them adrift by the news, but later getting over it. Just a ‘who cares’ thrown over their shoulder, a ‘good riddance’ in the back of their mind they’d never admit to. At twelve? Bobby in the A/V club, who always welcomed Steve with a gap-toothed grin and his wide bright eyes, making sure there was always space for his confused questions. The kid that some time later, Steve watched get his head swirled in a toilet, laughing at how he sputtered. At eight? His mom. She would’ve been inconsolable. Though, she would be young enough, maybe she could’ve tried again.

Now, though?

There’s…there’s too many people to even name.

God, way too many people.

He was staying for them, never himself. Got a best friend and a few pseudo siblings, his adopted dads in Hopper and Wayne…and he’s got a boyfriend that nobody knows about. He’s got everything.

Why is he still here? With the knife in his hand? In the cold? Frostbitten and scared?

Underneath all the scars, the anger, the hair, he’ll always be that scared little boy. The little boy afraid of his dad—the monster he lives with. Of drunk hands and slurred words, cigar smoke and stale dinners, wooden paddles and leather belts. He’ll always be the little boy that cried in his knees, hidden in the depth of his closet, under tens of old clothes, hanging on for dear life. Always be the kid that called his best friend, Tommy, when things went to shit. Phone cradled to his ringing ear, a slap still stern across his cheek, and needing instructions from Tommy’s parents on how to use a first aid kit.

He’s gotten better at discerning what he needs from the kit. Not because of alternate dimension beings, though. No, due to the monster that sits at his dining table, sipping Jack with glazed eyes and sorrowed brows, angry veins and angrier words. Asshole.

Steve was scared. Vulnerable. Soft-bellied. And he was small, despite being so big, he was always smaller than he showed. Any sign of himself—this true self, squirmy and squeamish and small—that would be it. He didn’t want to be known. Didn’t want to be found out.

But then, here he was, holding the knife.

Distantly, he hears the slow jog of heavy steps. He has the wherewithal to recognize he should stow away the knife, deep in his pocket where nobody can see. Though, as it glistens and blinks—mesmerizing him—he leaves it wide open.

This isn’t the first time he’s been here.

It needs to be his last.

“Stevie!” Tommy shouts somewhere on his left. Steve’s head swivels to the sound of his own nickname. Jogging up one of the clearer snow paths, Tommy’s making quick work of getting to him. He’s in heavier clothes than Steve is: a beat-up Carhartt jacket, thick and long jeans, brown work boots, a tartan red scarf wrapped messily on his neck, mittens, and a beanie with a big pom-pom on the top. As he gets closer, Steve can hear his heavy breathing, see the puffs that emanate from the frigid air. Still got that boyish way to him. A million freckles, those soft brown eyes, his pearly white teeth. The first boy Steve ever thought to kiss; the first and last boy to break his heart. “Steve,” Tommy murmurs now that he’s close, “hey…hey, I found you.”

He can’t move from his spot on the bench. It’s cold. His bottom aches from the chill of the wood, but he can’t make himself get up. Legs like lead. That knife still heavy. And he might cry if he speaks right now.

Tommy can see him. Truly see him.

For the first time.

Steve can catch the exact moment Tommy spots the unsheathed, flipped open knife. His eyes widen a fraction, eyebrows shooting up to the edge of his hat, his light smile fading into the paleness of his cheeks. He stutters in his settling, standing frozen to the spot. Like he became one with the slick ice. He��d do something like laugh at the expression, but again, it may just catch like a sob.

“You…you have a knife,” Tommy dumbly points out. His eyes dart away from the blade, though. He’s forcing himself to not look. To ignore it. Setting his focus on Steve’s face instead. “Your lips,” he whispers, “what’re you doin’ out here without a scarf? And your gloves and coat and…you need to be warm.” With great speed, the same quickness Steve used to see on the high school’s track, Tommy is unwrapping the scarf from around his neck. Gently, he tucks it on Steve’s, forcing it to sit tight against his going blue lips. Then, he’s tugging off his jacket, slipping Steve’s left arm through one of the sleeves. But by the time he makes it to the right—“Stevie, can I…I need to take the knife from you, okay? I need to get you warm.”

He can’t move his hand.

But his eyes stay on Tommy’s. Big on his sunken face, burning hot with fresh tears, chin wobbling. He can’t even ask.

“I’m gonna take it,” Tommy gently says, “put it in my pocket, okay? Just for a little while.” Slow now, he reaches for the knife. When Steve doesn’t pull away, doesn’t even flinch, he takes it in his grip. It’s probably the only thing about him that’s warm, if the surprise on Tommy’s face says anything. But he ignores that, too. Simply folds it up—schtick!—and buries it deep in the front left pocket of his jeans. Just like that.

Like it was nothing.

The outline of its handle in Tommy’s pocket is something, though. Heavier than it seems.

Had it looked like that in Steve’s sweatpants? All weighted and obvious?

He pities himself—the fool.

Tommy continues to take care of him, though, one piece of clothing at a time. The jacket all zipped, mittens on Steve’s numb hands, beanie on his big head. And when he’s done, he steps back with a tight, light smile. “There,” he breathes, “all done.” He tucks the scarf tighter again, as if he can manifest it to be warmer. Then, softly, he takes Steve’s hands in his own, rubbing them with his palms. Forcing them to get warmer. “Can I get you to come with me to my car? Let me turn on the heater and warm you up?”

Steve blinks. The first thing he feels on his face since he finished sobbing on the phone—a single hottear. “Are you taking me home?” he asks, wobbly and so unusual, even for himself. It makes him sound like a little kid. A little, vulnerable, very afraid kid.

“No,” Tommy murmurs—simple—“I’m not. We are going to drive around for a few, so you get warmed up in the car, get you a gas station hot chocolate—which will taste and feel amazing right now—and then I’m going to take you wherever you want to go.” He pats Steve’s shoulders with both of his hands, almost like he’s reminding himself that Steve is still right there. To touch. Alive. “How’s that sound?”

He nods once. Then, he blinks and shakes his head. Nods. Shakes. “I’m sorry,” Steve whispers, muffled by the scarf, “I’m really sorry.”

“Hey, no, I don’t want an apology. No apologies allowed. I’m glad you called.” Tommy squeezes Steve’s shoulders, looking dead on. There’s something watery in his gaze now. He doesn’t let it fulfill. “I’m really glad you called, okay? Let’s go to the car to warm up. And if…if you want to talk about it, we’ll talk. My ears are yours and my lips are sealed, you know that.”

They make their way back one slow step at a time. Their arms are hooked like they’re on some winter wonderland walk date. It’s fucked sideways, completely fucked, but Steve smiles small behind his scarf anyway. Tommy’s trying to fill the silence, something about baseball and little league and coaching, but Steve’s too lost in the warmth seeping through his body. The heat that makes him feel truly like a dancing flame, alive.

He’s still bad enough to know that once tonight is through, wherever he ends up, he’ll be left bereft with the consequences of his own actions. Probably something about disappearing in the middle of the night from his dad, something worse if his mind’s eye isn’t playing tricks. A lot of people will have questions as to why they’re seeing Tommy Hagan around a lot more—wandering into the Family Video just to talk to Steve, swooping into their local diner just to grab some fries with a wave at Steve, hanging around the arcade just to catch Steve beating his own high score. Nobody has to know what happened tonight.

But if he doesn’t talk, eventually he’ll self-immolate. Implode.

Steve Harrington, 19, Found Dead in Ditch; does not sound appealing. It wouldn’t make sense, he’s a great driver. He’d make it look like an accident, though. He’s still too much of a live-wire for a million and one questions, let alone all the queues being dispersed among so many people.

He needs help, he knows that. How does he ask for it, though? Who’s going to be less judgmental when he finds the strength to ask? Or is it going to be just as he feared? Under a microscope, people poking and prodding, local town pariah for being so mentally unwell. It happened to Eddie’s mom.

Maybe he’d be the only one to truly grasp it.

The conversations that have to be had, though, are daunting. Less daunting, however, than the knife still stowed in Tommy’s pocket.

He’s just sat in the passenger seat, reclined the way he likes with the door shut behind him, when Tommy abruptly turns on the car and starts messing with the dials on his vents. Pointing every single one at Steve, cranking that heat up. His radio is on, too, playing a mixtape on low volume. It’s the one Steve made him in their freshman year—“Nowhere Man” by The Beatles is just starting.

“Rubber Soul?” Steve finds himself mumbling.

“Hm?” Tommy stops moving for a moment, seatbelt halfway to being buckled, darting his eyes to the radio. “Oh—yeah, yeah! Remember, you showed me this album? One of my favorites, man. Always liked this song the most…you put it on this tape twice just to make sure I heard it.” He smiles at Steve. Bright and happy, his eyes squinting and his freckles bunching. It’s always been a great smile.

It’s been a while since it was pointed at him.

He likes it.

Wishes these were better circumstances. That they had been better people. That they’d survived. Maybe if they both weren’t so conniving and embarrassing and crude. One day, he thinks he can forgive Tommy. Not now, not for a while.

Tonight, though, he can learn to thank him.

Maybe that in itself is forgiveness enough for Steve, but even then, it takes more than a few good years of near radio silence to pass them by.

“Let me just”—Tommy whispers, leaning in. He reaches for the seatbelt, stretching it across Steve’s rigid body, and safely clicks it into place. There’s a moment where he lingers, staring, darting his eyes over every minuscule part of Steve’s face. Up close, there are definitely unshed tears in Tommy’s stare, but he just smiles. Small and safe, just for them, he smiles again. He pulls back to his own seat, one hand on the steering wheel, the other hovering over the gearstick.—“there we go, all tucked away. Sorry if the jacket is a little tight, it was the only winter coat I could find, guess it’s getting up there in years.”

Steve blinks and settles his head deeper into the headrest. Exhausted, he doesn’t say anything else.

Tommy seems to allow it, pulling away from the curb and back onto the empty street. He’s going at a snail’s pace, most likely because he doesn’t have chains on his tires. But he keeps his focus on the road ahead, unlike the him of previous years. Sitting passenger in Steve’s car, talking directly at him, not sparing a glance out the window. Instead, he looks forward, occasionally squeezing the leather of his steering wheel tighter. His eyes are darting, though. Nervous. Scared.

They pass by a few dark houses. Some small stores.

And then the gas station is pulling into view, Tommy slowing to turn into the parking lot, putting it in park. He turns to Steve, eyes big and dark in the dim light of his car. “I’m gonna go in there and fetch a large hot chocolate for you. D’you want me to grab anything else?”

He shrugs.

“Hey,” Tommy murmurs, “let me take care of you for a little bit, okay? Drive you around, get you some things you need.” He reaches out, gently squeezes Steve’s left forearm. His thumb is tracing the seam of the jacket’s sleeve. “You hungry?”

“Yeah,” Steve whispers, “…maybe just some peanut butter cups?”

Tommy nods. “‘Course. Want some Reeses Pieces, too? I remember you liked those.”

“No, it’s okay. Shouldn’t put you out like that anyway.”

The fingers still resting on his forearm tighten. Squeezing so hard, Steve can feel the bite of his fingernails. “You aren’t putting me out, Stevie. It’s no big deal.”

Up close, he can make out the eye bags and dark circles under Tommy’s eyes. The tired fold of his smile. Laziness creeping back onto his face. Probably tired as hell.

“Just those things. Don’t need anything else, promise.”

For a brief, brief moment, Tommy remains rooted to his seat. Something flickers through his face. A shuttering shimmer of daylight, darkening in the edges the way a vignette photograph does. It’s not confusion or disbelief or anger. A sadness, maybe. A fear.

But then Tommy is heaving himself out of the car, keys still in the ignition, radio volume low, heaters pulling their weight.

Steve glances out the passenger side window. At the chainlink fence on the edges of this gas station parking lot, curled into itself and overgrown with wild weeds. Some needles are littered at the base of the fence—he wonders where those people are now. Were they looking for a little relief? Partying with the hard stuff for the sake of it? The thrill of it?

How many of them were like him?

How many were there?

His reflection is blinking in the glass of his window, peering out softly at the needles. What if there was only one? Just as young. Just as scared. With nobody there to pick them up, take them out of their head, be patient. Nobody, not even an old friend, not even a neighbor. He wonders if this person—this figment—was running from something. Feelings, responsibilities, the very thing they feared. Seeking shelter, semblance of a normal in the dark parking lot of their local gas station chain.

Maybe they made it out. Got away from their head in that manner. Maybe they see the needles, too. Putting themself in those shoes, some of them new, some of them dirty, some of them laced, some velcro. He hopes they got their peanut butter cups and hot chocolate. Hopes they got a soft ending; wherever they may have ended up; whoever they ended up being.

Glancing out the windshield, he spots Tommy looking back at him, as if checking to see if he’s still there. His stomach turns over, clenching hard at the reason why. The fact he put that worry there. Shit.

And then, finally, he gets a good catch of himself in his overhead mirror. There are barely any lights around that illuminate his face, just whatever shines outwards from within the little convenience store. His hair is tucked away in the beanie, not wild from the wind like he had been expecting. His cheeks are puffy, starting to redden with color, from the heat in the car. But his eyes.

Flat, pink, bloodshot, yet empty.

No wonder Tommy keeps looking at him. He put that worry there, in the absence of himself, he instilled that worry. The fear.

Tommy eventually comes back out, swinging into the car with a to-go carrier of hot chocolates, and a crinkling plastic bag in the crook of his left elbow. He settles in his seat, off loading the carrier to Steve, regaling him to divvying out the drinks. Once he’s in, buckled and warmed, he reaches for the ignition.

“Can we stay here for a minute?” Steve meekly asks.

All at once, Tommy stops in his tracks. Sitting back. “Y-yeah, dude, sure. Just figured you’d wanna see around first, give yourself some time to…to think, I guess.”

He hands off one of the hot chocolates when Tommy reaches out for it, saying in the process, “I feel like I’ve done enough thinking tonight. Enough for a lifetime.”

There’s a sharp inhale at that. “I get that,” Tommy murmurs, “seems like there’s a lot of empty time on my hands these days.”

Steve sniffs, takes a swig of his drink, hums unconsciously at the flavor. “What are you up to these days? ‘Sides saving my sorry, stupid ass.”

“You’re not stupid, Steve. Don’t say shit like that.” He’s momentarily frozen in his seat, as Tommy’s eyes ice over to him. “And I already told you, I’m glad you called me.”

“You were asleep. You could’ve told me that. I would’ve found somebody else.”

“I wanted to get you,” Tommy insists. “It doesn’t matter how much time or space or whatever other garbage is between us, if you call me, I’m gonna be there. Even if you need me to—fucking, I don’t know—tie your shoes or something.”

Steve traces the lid on his cup with the thick thumb of his mitten. Words caught splintered in his throat, dead.

At his silence, Tommy lets out a sad little sigh. And then he goes quiet for a moment, too.

The air isn’t exactly tense, but it isn’t pleasant either. Thick, heavy, and warm. Maybe it’s the heater vents, the million layers he was forced into, the hot chocolate in his hands. It’s not even a good hot chocolate—Wayne Munson is the king of that—but he can appreciate it for what it is. A chance to make sure that he isn’t going to collapse in on himself.

It’s an appeasement. In a way, he’s being convinced to stay.

“What would it take to show you that you’re worth caring for?” Tommy suddenly breaks through. “Because I…I know I was going to let you talk about it in your own time, but…Steve, I want to be there, but I can’t always be there. And I. I have to be honest, right?

“I’m always going to try and save you. I’ll always come to your side when you call me, even if it’s been months or, shit, even years. But what happens when the next time I’m out here in the cold, your toes are too far over the edge? What if I go to grab the back of your shirt and it rips in my grip? What if…what if you can’t be patient anymore?” He won’t look up from the lid of his cup. Won’t answer, not yet. Right, passes through his head, he’s right. You know he is. Tommy’s gaze is set on his face, shiny in his peripheral. “I love you with every piece of me, again, no matter what, I’m always gonna love you. Just…

“Steve, I’m worried one day I won’t reach you.

“Or that I’m gonna come across…that you won’t be there by the time I arrive,” he stresses, “and I don’t want any of that to happen. Seriously, whether you’re my best friend or fuckin’ best enemy or whatever, I still care about you. You were still my first friend, the first person outside of my family that I was hugging, my first camaraderie, and you were my first wake-up call.”

Finally, he drags his eyes up. Burning, heavy, aching, Steve blearily looks to Tommy. Caught up in the blur of his own vision, unable to see even two feet ahead of him. His whole everything aches. Every ember of his soul. The drip of his blood, rushing straight to his toes, up to his no longer numb fingers.

The world’s a fireplace around him, words sound like near deathbed confessions, and he can taste his stale breath cutting through the chocolate. He never did get his glass of water. Can’t believe he let his dad play into this. Into tonight.

“Tommy,” he chokes out. “I don’t…I don’t know what you want me”—

“Sorry,” Tommy whispers, “I’m sorry. That was a lot and all at once. I just care about you, man.” He reaches out, grabbing for Steve’s forearm once more. Fingers tense and tight in his jacket. “I’d hate to see you gone. You deserve to be here, to be cared for. Please, Steve, just let me care about you for tonight. Please.”

Bending forward, Steve places his hot chocolate in the cup holder closest to him. Having his ear closer to the speaker, he can hear “Nowhere Man” again—or what must be for the second time. Tommy was always trying to make Steve feel better, even if sometimes how he showed it seemed impossibly stupid; but maybe the song wasn’t purposefully put on the cassette twice, he has half a mind to realize, Tommy didn’t want him to feel dumb for what he did.

Slowly, he peels off his mittens, fingers sweating with anticipation to not be so damn hot. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Tommy begin to lurch forward, stop him, but Steve only works faster. Just so he can place the naked skin of his right palm over the back of Tommy’s. Their skin joins in a puddle of malleable warmth. And even further, the hand under his turns, palm now up, gripping tight to his fingers. He rests his head against the passenger window, looking out at the bottom of the fence again.

“I’m sorry,” Steve murmurs.

“Stop apologizing. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.”

“But I”—

He’s silenced with an even tighter pressure to the tips of his fingers. So hard that he can feel the way Tommy’s wrist shakes with the force. “You don’t need to be sorry. I’m not asking for it. It’s not necessary.”

Steve nods against the window. Beanie pushing up, hair falling free against his forehead. “Okay,” he crackles.

Again, Tommy’s moving, his shirt rustling against the leather seat. But he’s closer, if the warmth of his shoulder bleeding into Steve’s says anything. “Hey”—he tugs their joined hands, Steve glances over—“you think you can talk to me? Tell me what happened?”

Shrugging, Steve sighs. “Just…what I said earlier. Trying to get some water, Dad’s in the kitchen starting shit. Guess I just…just pussy-ed out. Went running out the door.”

Tommy swallows hard. “Did he…”

“He tried to get his hands on me,” Steve admits quietly, confessing what Tommy already knew. “But he was so drunk, he swung and stumbled. Made it out of there with my hair still intact.” His shoulder hurts in this angle. But he doesn’t want to pull his hand away, not when it gets another squeeze, not when he earns Tommy’s thumb rubbing into his knuckles. “I think he’s waiting up on me,” he whispers, “I can feel him, even here in the car, standing at the bottom of the stairs, staring at the front door. Like he did when I had weed that one time…couldn’t lay on my back after what he did that night.”

“I hate him,” Tommy darkly murmurs. “I’d kill him if I wasn’t so much shorter than that fuckwad.”

Dryly, Steve snorts. Rolls his eyes. “You’d give him a swirly and his face would get all red from how angry he’d be. From humiliating him. We’d call ‘im cherry cheeks for a week. ’Til he caught on.”

In the reflection of his window, he can see Tommy nod in agreement, smug little smirk on his face. “Until he caught on.” He shifts again, shoulder melting into Steve’s. “And then you decided to go on a midnight walk…did he take your car keys or something?”

“I didn’t really think about the car, Tommy. I just went. It was a dumb thing to do. But, well, I don’t make good decisions,” he states bitterly.

“Well, you called me and now you’re here.”

Steve doesn’t say anything to that.

There’s a squeeze to his hand that has him looking over. “So…did you…were you planning on…”

He shakes his head. “Guess I grabbed the knife without thinking. Self-defense or something, I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Tommy mutters. And there he goes, squeezing at Steve’s fingers again. It’s nice, though. The contact, warmth, the reminder. He twists his head so that they’re looking straight on each other, even as his neck contorts uncomfortably. “I’m glad I got to the park when I did,” he murmurs, “the world wouldn’t be the same without you, Steve. It really, really wouldn’t.”

“You’re just saying that,” Steve mumbles.

“Hey, I mean it. Who else would be there to call your dad cherry cheeks? Tell him he looks like a big, ugly oaf?” He snorts at that, a smile itching to make itself known. Tommy nudges him, shakes him, smirks. “Also, dude, the world needs a little bit more light, don’t you think? Who else is gonna call me on my bullshit? Knock me upside the head to tell me how much of a bigoted turd I’m being. You keep the balance, you bring the laughter, you bring the warmth, man. Nothing would be the same if you just…”—poof!—“left,” he whispers.

“Think someday I’ll believe you.”

Tommy shrugs. “Someday is better than never. But you better. Because I’m right.”

“When have you ever been right about something?”

“Well, I may be kinda thick in the head…but when have I lied to you?”

“I don’t know, think I can think of a few…”

“Those were well meaning lies! Like for your birthday that one year! You almost saw me wrapping up that new pack of baseballs—no way in hell was I going to let your snooping little ass ruin the surprise I had been sweating over for hours!”

There’s a big fat smile on both their faces, mirrored in each other’s all too expressive eyes. Tommy’s alight, Steve’s finally full. The laughter they share trickles out into shaky, steadying breaths. And for a moment, things are just like normal. Another late night with his old best friend, kicking rocks and talking shit. A time before.

Oh so before.

Tommy nudges him again. “You ready to blow this popsicle stand?”

Steve chuckles, shoulders jumping with it. “Sure, dude,” he sighs, “let’s get outta here.”

The hand in his lingers for a beat, then two, a third. It tenses, pressing deep into his knuckles. And retreats. Thrown into his lap is the crinkling plastic bag from the store. Inside are at least three packs of peanut butter cups—way more than he asked for.

He looks up at Tommy, ready to protest. Instead, he gets a wink. “Our secret, Stevie-boy, you peanut butter fiend.” And then they’re off, driving aimlessly on the empty streets of Hawkins.

As the sun begins to rise, coloring their cheeks with tangible warmth, snow beading on the sidewalk, brown wrappers tossed aside, Steve is somewhat content. Rustling with nerves, knowing full well that Tommy still has that knife. But he’s…relaxed, nerveless, almost free.

All without the pain. All without the task of planning. All without the fear of saying goodbye—Steve is free.

They wind down familiar roads. Until, eventually, Tommy cracks with a yawn.

“Getting tired?” Steve mumbles.

“Oh, I’ve been tired. It’s fine, though. I can be out a little bit longer.”

“Nah, you don’t gotta. Think I’m ready to hit they hay, dude.”

Tommy sniffs. Runs a hand over his mouth, lets it fall back down to his lap, hitting the handle of the knife with the hilt of his palm. “Where do you want me to take you, Stevie?”

“I…I have an idea. But, uh, you’ll promise to keep the secret to yourself?”

He shifts nervously, catching Tommy give him a confused little quirk. “As long as it’s not gonna hurt you, sure. What…this sounds big.”

Steve swallows, nods, squeezes his hands into fists until his nails just begin to bite. The passenger window is enticing. “Remember that one secret years and years ago? When, uh, when we were kinda tipsy and hanging out by the pool and it was just us and”—

“The kiss thing, right?”

He inhales sharply. “Yeah, the…the kiss thing.”

“You can talk to me, Steve. I’m an asshole, but I’m not Brutus, man. Not gonna betray you for spilling your guts.”

“You promise you’ll keep it to yourself?”

In the blink of an eye, Tommy is pulling over to the curb. Slow and careful like. Twisting in his seat to face Steve, he only swivels his head to follow suit. “My ears are yours and my lips are sealed, remember? Hell, you don’t even need to tell me if you think it’s not safe to do so.”

Steve nods, slowly, absorbing. “Um…I-I have a partner.”

“You have a boyfriend?” Tommy asks, voice dropped low like anybody within a 100 mile radius could hear them. It’s a startling question, but it’s a soft one nonetheless.

“Yeah…he…he’s really good at taking care of me, y’know. And we look out for each other. He tells me I can come to him any time, if I need anything…anything.”

“Is it okay if I know who it is? Or is that…”

“I mean, I figured you’ll need to know to take me there? But, uh, Eddie Munson? Forest Hills?”

Tommy’s eyebrows raise slightly. He blinks. Takes in a slow breath. Then, quietly, “At the far end of the park, right? Near those swings?”

“Um…y-yeah. Yeah, near the swings.” Without responding, Tommy turns towards the steering wheel, shifting gears, pulling away from the curb. He makes a U-turn, back the way towards Forest Hills. “Is that…you’re not gonna say anything, right? Please don’t say anything.”

“My lips are sealed,” Tommy repeats. “I’m just…little surprised, I guess. Not about—Not that you two are, like, gay and into each other or something. Just…you guys have things to talk about? Get along okay?”

“He’s crafty. So, sometimes, we’ll watch a game together—whatever’s on—and he’ll listen to me rant and cheer and stuff, ask me about the stats…usually, he sits next to me and paints or draws or whatever. We keep each other entertained.”

Tommy nods in his peripheral. “Good, that’s good. Does he know about your…your mom? Your dad?”

“You’re the only one who knows about my mom. Figured it didn’t matter to bring it up, I guess. I mean, Nancy might know, but…I don’t know. It’s not important.”

“‘Course it’s important, Steve. Her death kinda hit you sideways…in a lot of ways, actually. It’s good, y’know, to talk about that kinda stuff. Plus, well, I’m sure Eddie would understand, right?” Steve shrugs at that. Tommy must be able to see it. “You don’t know about his mom? That’s a conversation you guys should have, dude. That was pretty big, last I remember.”

“Why do you know that?”

“This kid was picking on Eddie back in high school. Picking on him about his mom. Think I gave that kid a black eye or two…what a shitty thing, shitting on somebody ‘cause their fucking parent died.” Tommy begins to slow on the road, blinker clicking as he signals turning into the Forest Hills drive. “But he’d understand, that’s all I’m saying. Plus, you need more people in your corner. More people to rely on. Not that—I mean, I love being there for you, dude. I just…it would be good.

“When my parents divorced, I relied on you, sure. But I had a few other people, too. Some teachers. Principal Higgins. Even Mrs. Byers…which kinda shocks me, considering how I treated her kid. Makes me feel sick thinking about that.”

Steve blinks, notices they’re outside Eddie’s trailer, parked next to his shit-box of a van. He gets a good look at Tommy’s side profile. Gently aged. “You grew up,” he states.

“Best fucking feeling in the world. Should’a followed in your footsteps, Stevie. Should’a quit being an asshole when it was time.”

“But you did eventually.”

Tommy gives a slow nod, unbuckling himself. “Yeah, well. There’s a time for everything.” He looks over to Steve. God, his big brown eyes look even bigger in the sunlight. Even gentler. Even sweeter. “Can I walk you up to the door?”

“I don’t know…Eddie might”—

“I kinda need to talk to him anyway. It’s important.”

“Yeah, okay…okay.”

By the time they make it up the steps, peanut butter cups stored deep in Steve’s pocket, Eddie’s already swinging the door open. There’s a look of apprehension on his face, darting his eyes between Steve and Tommy. A bite behind his lip that he’s very noticeably trying to hide away. “Stevie,” he greets softly, “what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Um…I…I had a bad night,” Steve quietly admits, “thought I’d come here, after Tommy helped me.”

The screen door opens wider. Eddie’s face goes soft, deeper. “Everything alright? Nobody’s hurt, are they?”

Steve swallows, shifts uneasily. “I don’t wanna talk about it right now, please. Just…can I hang out for a bit? Maybe nap?”

Eddie’s already placing a hand on the center of Steve’s back, ushering him in. “Of course, just go in and get comfortable, I’ll meet you inside in a second.”

As soon as he steps inside, the door shuts behind him. Muffled conversation is all he hears, retreating to Eddie’s room. In a matter of minutes, stuffy jacket taken off, he’s dozing.

——— “Alright, what’re you doing here?” Eddie asks, finally addressing Tommy.

In front of him, Tommy shifts uncomfortably. “Listen, I know you don’t trust me. I get it. But I…I just need to talk to you, okay? It’s about Steve.”

“If you’re here to talk shit on him after he was lookin’ like that, then you can take your sorry ass”—

“He called me, ‘bout a couple hours ago, sobbing on the phone. His dad’s being a real piece of work. Just a total shitbag, okay? And he called me from the park by his house, talking to me about his dad, and I couldn’t just leave him there. Kept zoning out on the phone, sobbing, I couldn’t just leave him there.” Tommy thrusts his hand into his pocket, producing a pocket knife from it.

Eddie startles back slightly, a half-step backwards. “Why do you”—

“I found him there, completely out of it on a bench, with this fucking knife in his hand. It was open. Like he was…and I took it from him, kept it from him. Took him around town for a bit, trying to get him not to spook, y’know?” The knife is warm, placed heavily in Eddie’s palm, fingers curling tight around it. “He was going to do it. If I hadn’t gotten there, if he had never called me…I don’t even want to think about it.

“But he told me that you guys take care of each other. And he told me that if he had something, he could go to you for it. I’m just. I’m worried, okay? I can’t always be there to save him, he needs more people in his corner—people who are not going to judge him—because I can’t fathom with”—Tommy’s voice wobbles, thickens—“with losing him. And I know you’d be absolutely wrecked, if what he told me ‘bout your relationship is true”—

“You know about us?”

“That’s not important,” Tommy emphasizes. “Just don’t let him get this, okay? Keep an eye on him. He needs it. I care about him, even if it doesn’t seem that way, I do. He was my whole world up until our junior year. If something happened to him—fuck—I don’t know what I’d do. I don’t know…I don’t…”

Eddie’s not used to people crying around him. The only people who have are, well, Wayne and Steve.

But Tommy’s shoulders shake, his whole back heaving. Each sob caught on a choked breath. His eyes squinting into themselves, skin going splotchy with the effort.

Without a care for image, Eddie is stepping forward again, wrapping Tommy in a tight hug.

He doesn’t get Steve and Tommy’s whole dynamic. Not at all. All he knows is that they had a falling out. But he gets it, calling on the past to try and ground the present, that’s something Eddie’s been doing his whole life. Nostalgia or something. Relying on the lucidity of memories to bring him back. But if Tommy says something’s bad, sobbing so bad he’s choking with it, then it’s something worth tucking away.

And with that knife heavy in Eddie’s hand, he sees what Tommy’s doing.

He understands it.

He fucking gets it.

“Sorry,” Tommy muffles into his shoulder, “shit, I’m sorry. The world wouldn’t be the fuckin’ same if he—god, shit—he’s too good to do shit like that.”

Eddie’s squeezing so tight his knuckles hurt. “I’ve got him,” he swears into Tommy’s hair, “I’m not letting him get away like this again. I promise, man, I fucking promise.”

“Be easy on him,” Tommy murmurs, “he’s easily spooked.”

“I know, fuck, I know.”

Tommy pats him on the back in that dude-bro way. And then he’s pulling away, wiping hastily at his eyes. “If you guys need anything, you can call me. I know I’m not the best person, but I can try. Fuck, for anybody in Steve’s life, I can try.”

Swallowing down his own wave of tears, Eddie nods. “You in the yellow pages?”

“Yup. Leonard Hagan’s residence. Think it’s somewhere in the 130s.”

“I’ll reach out. ‘Specially if I can’t get to him.”

“I got him some peanut butter cups. Works wonders with trying to get him to open up.”

There’s a small little smile on Tommy’s face, knowing and soft. Eddie chuckles airily. “Yeah, he’s a peanut butter goblin or something. Think he ate eighty percent of my last jar, honest to God.”

“He’ll do that to you. Think he still owes me at least three jars.” Tommy reaches out again, patting Eddie on the shoulder. “I’ll see you around, Eddie. Keep an eye on him for me, yeah?”

“Nothing else I’d rather do.”

☎️—————☎️

[nieranddear]

Finally getting around to writing about it. Mostly since it would have needed to be contained inside the tags of the main post and there is no way this would’ve fit. It’s mostly just dialog rewrites, trying to keep it somewhat in character at the least, rereading on the characters and then debating over what to do, process of pain, and all that thinking stuff that makes my brain hurt. Typical things I'd put in the tags. Do know it is 1.6k words as a heads up.

I actually had an idea before that was written down the day of, as elaborated inside a post, but it felt really clunky and I couldn’t find the work around for it to make more sense or be natural than just having items go for a specific purpose than it feeling more akin to a decision made because it was a decision rather than a contrivance and necessity. Changed it the next day and did one draft for the dialog and then went into thumbnails. I didn’t think I would put this much effort into it? If I had known beforehand I would’ve definitely had done more time inside the planning stage to have it put out inside a form that I felt more content with. Specifically with the placement of dialog paired with the paneling. Some were fine but it ended up feeling as if it was either too claustrophobic, which I had attempted to fix later on by either condensing or moving some items around, or that it was either too fast pace wise. Hopefully it ended up alright in the end. I can’t quite remember as I didn’t write the exact thought process down but I tried to convey timing and feeling through the sizes of the panel and the background? Also typical comic or the like but I couldn’t tell if it was executed very well which is why it was brought up.

Ahhh the pacing was killing me. I tried to condense it but overall it just felt too rushed or unnatural. It still feels a bit unnatural but passable as simply awkward now. Already established and can be seen here but I tend to speak in a verbose manner. Either when explaining things or just talking in general when trying to communicate. Which also caused it to be drawn out. It was mainly the fact that I didn’t want to force an idea that felt too unnatural to me once more.

Actually interesting things. Dialog. And the two. These two. There was going to be a bit more teasing but it felt a bit off? Not sure. While Netzach did have words that were sarcastic or poking at the situation it was more of a dry, wry sort of thing than something he actually does often. Mostly out of that said hopelessness that was most present inside of LCorp. Though he is still one to complain it isn’t at an expense of himself or others. Along with the fact it was harder to try and find a situation to fit affection? Not so in the way to where it seemed impossible for a dynamic or relationship but more of the fact that typical situations of what I personally perceive to be relationships or romantic just wouldn’t flow. Netzach’s expression isn’t one of being loud. In multiple ways really. Not to say he doesn’t but in general his face isn’t as vividly expressive and his voice is quieter and he speaks inside a lethargic and slower way. This also transfers over to the experiencing of love and expressing of that love as well. Specifically when talking about or discussing the affection he had for Carmen it was a gentle but ever real and present adoration. Simply being content to go ahead and just be near her. To be near to see the passion and life inside of her eyes. But even with that affection the way he goes about to describe it is also very unsure? Not quite unsure but using language that isn’t as strong with the idea of ‘love’. It isn’t as if it is not there but it isn’t as if it was what one would call a typical, burning passion. Words such as ‘suppose’ only followed after a more lengthy pause to the idea of Carmen being his ‘first love’. Then going on to describe the dynamic by using the words provided. Along with ‘Was it love, really?’ to the first probing of the relationship and feelings towards Carmen. It felt odd if I went ahead and had such behaviors written down. Personally. Mostly due to the fact I wanted to try and express that more subtle or quiet showings of affections and adoration. No, I am not projecting. I just happen to be AroAce spec. Hashtag trust. Regardless, the way it was handled really stood out to me so I wanted to try and preserve that in a certain way or try to go ahead and have that shown in some manner. Things like his words about wanting to go ahead and express his emotions quietly down onto a painting. I wanted to try and have him do something like that and to capture that and more openly and physically present those emotions, that work and time, towards Yesod as another showing of affection. Plus the kiss on the cheek. I was debating keeping that in but a kiss is a more universal sign of communicating affection. Wanted to not have it on the lips for a sort of comfort thing? Like Yesod was already written on edge and a bit stressed due to the fact he was simply receiving things inside a showing of appreciation and affection and unable to go ahead and reciprocate or be able to return the favor or having planned to go ahead and physically do something. Adding onto the slight tension from being too close and trying to test the waters of being close. Putting it over here Yesod seems to be fine with space considering he quite literally walks up to Roland to touch and adjust his clothes. But it was more of the factors of getting inside of his space when already tense that I wanted to go ahead and be done. Going back to Netzach, the kiss was placed on the cheek inside a way to go ahead and still express that affection but still have it not be entirely inside of his space. A gentle cupping that could easily be stepped back away from but still a physical gesture. I kept going back to the idea of him wanting to try. Going to go ahead and try and attempt to do things. A whole thing with him is wanting to go ahead and try. Try to live. Try to put in the work. Try and actually put effort in. Which then translated over to wanting him to try and get himself to go and express and show that affection towards the other.

Yesod. Where do I start with you. Well I suppose continuing off of the idea of him being more ahh I can’t find the word. Anxious I suppose? I don’t know the correct feeling or word to adequately identify it. Alexithymia and all of that. But it the sort of feeling you get when you’re unable to do or complete something, causing a sort of restlessness and some sort of discomfort inside. Maybe that is anxiety. Regardless. The prospect of being unable to return or to be able to go ahead and repay inside the one sided exchange of items or words received. Wanted to have it to where it felt maybe wrong? Or the sort to go ahead and receive something without any prerequisite or action to balance it out. Thus having him more on edge and a bit more irritable during the conversation. Yesod himself is rather composed, really. The things he ended up becoming more worked up about were subjects where he was more passionate about an injustice. Even then he tends to collect himself after such matters. Even inside LCorp he was one to go ahead and be able to reign himself in and restrain himself inside his emotions. Even during the meltdown which is a bit funny to think about in an ironic way. Which is understandable considering everyone inside LCorp was far more unstable. But still under a situation that upsets or distresses he ends up expressing a temper that he does have. I wanted to try and have him be physically more stiff? On edge or just more tense at it all. Going ahead and opening up with sorting/rechecking/replacing of the books upon the shelf as a sort of way to soothe and get comfort and also physically actually do something while thinking. Any other thing to add would end up being the notes about trying to get their body language down and what to do with them. A slight tilt on Netzach’s head and shifting of it. General slouching. Was also debating keeping some of the body language in or not or just gesticulations but ended up keeping it in for the sake of it not being visually boring. Yesod with pauses and more stationary bodywise. Mostly only really small tilts or eye movement. 

Other patrons mentioned! I feel like they would be the types to go out and initiate some sort of gift giving. Maybe others responding or doing something in their own right afterwards but those few seemed like the type to have something planned or ready specifically just for the day. Tiphereth as well because despite her more snappy words and ruder sentences she can end up saying which she doesn’t really mean she does care for them all. So I thought it would be nice if Tiph went ahead and wanted to try and express or extend that showing because of that. Malkuth feels like the type to do some trinkets or the sort and more physical showings of affection through hugs and the like. Hod feels like the sort to go ahead and make personalized notes. Also fitting for the floor of literature patron. Chesed because he is a social creature and also likes excuses to go ahead and visit or see others and just chat.

hoptal

[bluephoenixgirl]

I feel like all of the story ideas I’m getting for Dallas is with a SOC!Reader and the story ideas I’m getting for Johnny are with a Greaser!Reader.

I would’ve thought it would be the other way around.🤷🏼‍♀️

[exopelagic]

my players don’t know it yet but the adventure we’re doing rn is me being silly goofy bc they hadn’t made their characters in time for me to plan around them. now that I Know Things the game can really start

[what-even-is-thiss]

The reason people don’t want to work is that it’s just normal for them to be in bad work environments.

My issue with working at Walmart wasn’t the work itself I was doing. It was the circumstances around it. The concrete floor, lack of places to sit, having to put up with asshole customers, not getting time off for injuries, and bad pay.

If I had been given shock pads to stand on or a few chairs to rest on sometimes, if they paid me a livable amount of money and I was allowed to yell back at asshole customers, if they had given me any amount of training, I would happily work part time folding clothes all day and telling people where the swimsuit section is.

I’m a creative type. I’m a writer. I’m pretty smart, even. But if I could make a living folding shirts and listening to podcasts in one ear and helping people find the scented candles for 30 hours a week? I would. Leaves some mental space free for me to brainstorm. Lets me catch up on my reading with audiobooks.

But instead I was treated so badly by upper management and customers that I’m like legitimately a little frightened whenever I step into a Walmart now. And I only worked there for three months a few years ago.

I’m a good lower level worker. When I’m treated well. I like finishing tasks. I like being helpful. I like having some time to talk to coworkers and some time alone with my thoughts. I’m a frickin team player. And that’s how I was at my first job. I was treated well by my supervisor. I was trained. They were patient with me. I was so good at being low on the totem pole at that job because I was valued and felt like I was being listened to. I was able to sit still when there was nothing left to do which made it feel less bad when we were on a time crunch. I didn’t mind working hard at that job because it was fun even though I was doing all the low level stuff that the supervisors didn’t want do.

But at Walmart I was like that for all of two days. Then I figured out that nobody appreciated my work and if I worked in my normal people pleasing manner I’d kill myself because their standards were high and the rewards for meeting them were low.

So I slowed down. I started avoiding customers. I started taking a lot longer to get to my breaks and to come back from them. I became worse at my job because no matter how good I was at it there would be no reward, no appreciation, and I’d just be pushed further beyond my limits.

My only level of happiness from that job came from the people who were working with me. The old ladies and my department manager who made sure I wasn’t overextending myself. The one other young man working in the clothing department who always got sent with me to unload the heavy stuff and commiserated with me about the shoulder injuries, the hurting feet we were too young to have.

But none of that was enough to make me stay. We were constantly understaffed. I was constantly abused by customers and not able to do a thing about it. I was not paid much at all. So as soon as I had enough saved up for what I was trying to do and my last semester of college was about to start I handed in my two weeks.

I would have found a way to stay if I liked that job. If I liked that job I would’ve pushed myself to my mental limits to finish college and keep that job at the same time. Heck that job could’ve been a rest from college. A place to get away from it. But I hate that job so I got out as soon as I could.

I want to work. I want enough money to live sort of comfortably. I want to have some tasks to do to give my creativity a rest. I want to be a part of something. But the way that modern corporate run work environments are set up does not give me any of the things I actually want out of a job. And I think that’s the same for millions of people right now. A lot of people would happily spend their lives as a waitress or an Uber driver or a warehouse worker or a farmhand or any other “low skill” job you can possibly think of. But with the way the world works right now those jobs are absolutely miserable. It doesn’t have to be that way. I know because I’ve had a fulfilling part time minimum wage job that I looked forward to going to every week. A job where I was listened to and allowed to sit when I needed to. I miss that job. Especially now since I’ve realized that’s not the standard. It should be. People should look forward to going to work or at the very least not get mild ptsd whenever they set foot into a Walmart.

[ceilidho]

Buttermilk

It doesn't take long to settle into the rhythm of your new summer job. Or: the babysitter x single dad au

Part 3 | masterlist

-

It’s not unusual for someone to mistake you for the baby’s mama.

How could someone not, at least for a moment? When you take the baby to the grocery store, older people gush over him babbling in his stroller, eager to shower him with compliments in baby-talk or tell you how much you resemble the little tyke. After hearing the same comment for the umpteenth time, you tire of correcting people by saying you’re the babysitter only to watch their face fall, somewhat mortified and feeling as though their comment should’ve been directed to the baby’s actual mother. Which isn’t you. 

It’s less typical for someone to mistake you for John’s wife, though that does happen from time to time.

You’ve become a fixture around the neighbourhood since John hired you at the beginning of the summer, and over the weeks, the other nannies and the stay-at-home moms have started to gradually warm up to you. Before long, you’re being invited on coffee runs and playdates with some of the other women, always careful to ask for John’s permission before bringing his baby into a stranger’s house.

“Just text me the address and their names,” he requests while you stand awkwardly in front of him, John sitting on the bed to finish buttoning up his shirt and fixing his watch around his wrist. You would’ve been fine standing on the other side of the door while he finished changing, but he insisted on inviting you in.

“I will,” you promise, nodding along with his words.

“And call me if you don’t feel comfortable. I’ll come get the two of you right away if you need me.”

You swallow. Nod again.

The first time you take the baby for a playdate with a couple of the moms from the park, one catches you in the act of texting John the address of the house as he requested. “Hubby wants to know where you are, huh?”

“Oh,” you choke out, face heating up. “He’s not—”

“Not a control freak, I know. They’re all like that.” Her smile is ebullient, rolling her eyes like you’re in on a joke together when you most assuredly are not. “Why don’t you share your location with him? Mine’s the same way. Here—I’ll show you how.”

She takes your phone and tap-taps something and suddenly you see it in the notifications of your conversation with John. If you bite your lip instead of correcting her assumption about the nature of your and John’s relationship, that’s for you and you alone to know. Your rationale is that any explanation will just make things tense; it’s not like you haven’t seen it happen before. 

It’s far more concerning when John doesn’t correct those assumptions. Particularly when you’re standing right next to him. 

Like at the local water park on a particularly hot weekend, wading in the kiddy pool with the baby nestled tight against your chest in his little swim trunks and floppy hat only for an employee to ask John if his wife would like something to drink. 

“Iced coffee, love?” John asks, taking your stupefied silence as a yes. “Nothing for me, mate. Cheers.” 

Your head spins like a top on that thought until a good while later. The server hands you a glass of iced coffee with condensation already dripping down the sides and John thanks him for you, taking the baby from you and pulling you to his side. You drink your coffee quietly with your thigh flush with his under the water, gripping the glass harder when his free hand squeezes around your waist, laughing at something another parent said to him.

It’s so over for you. There’s no coming back from this. 

The sight of someone of John’s size, a bulky, military man with arms of pure steel dusted with dark hairs, cradling a tiny, chubby baby with a thatch of similar dark hair on his head and big cheeks and roly poly arms unlocks something primal in you. An old, buried need. 

In the family changing room, you stand under an ice cold shower until it breaks the fever slowly consuming you. All you can do is hope it takes. 

In the evening, you sit out on the porch with John at the back of the house until the crickets swell with song, the moon a half-crescent in the sky. A cool breeze makes your shoulders lift a little, huddling into your body to keep warm. 

It’s hard to keep your eyes on the view in front of you and off the man sitting beside you when they want so badly to be running over him. He’s changed out of his work clothes into a soft pair of sweatpants and an old threadbare shirt, the sage green fabric faded after years of being run through the washing machine. It clings to his biceps and the soft pudge of his stomach, a layer of fat over the hard muscle beneath. 

A cigarette dangles from his fingers, thick wrist perched on the arm of the adirondack chair. Every so often he lifts it to his lips for a puff, always breathing out in the opposite direction from you. Considerate of your health, at least, if not his own. 

“Cold, sweetheart?” he asks before ashing his cigarette, and your bottom lip purses when you turn your head to look at him because you thought you were doing a good job suppressing your shivers. 

You stare at him, confused. He cocks an eyebrow at your questioning stare and deliberately glances down, waiting until you notice the way your nipples are protruding through your white tank top. You forgot that you’d taken your bra off earlier for a bit of relief and hadn’t yet had a chance to put it back on. 

“Oh my god,” you squeak, crossing your arms to hide as much as possible, humiliation flooding through you. “I’m so sorry—that’s so—I-I’m so sorry.”

John makes a rough sound when he rises to his feet, knees cracking as he does. “S’alright, hun. Lemme get you something to put on.”

The screen door creaks when he goes back inside briefly to fetch something only to come back a few seconds later with a big, cotton sweater that reeks of him. It looks well loved, some remnant of his younger years, and even from a distance, you can smell the distinct smoky aroma clinging to the fabric. 

When he kneels in front of you, you nearly go cross-eyed at the realisation that even on his knees, he’s as tall as you. The bulk of his waist forces your legs to spread around him. 

“C’mon, arms up,” John commands, barely waiting until you’ve raised your arms above your head before helping guide your head and arms into the right holes. 

Dragging the sweater down the way he does forces it to rub over your nipples, sending a shock through you. If you had any less self-control, your teeth might actually chatter together. 

“There we go,” he says, fluffing out the sweater around your waist before resting his hands on the tops of your thighs, the gesture coming so naturally to him that you doubt he’s even noticed the placement of his hands. “Much better. That’ll warm you up.”

He isn't wrong. You’ve already worked up a sweat. 

Late night rain.

It comes down in buckets, a dark slate rapping hard against the window pane. A bolt of lightning flickers across the horizon off in the distance. White striations across an otherwise dark sky. About thirty seconds later, thunder rumbles. 

You peek from between the blinds, chewing your lip nervously. You’ve never driven in rain this bad, but with supper done and the dishes washed, there’s no excuse for you to stay any longer. Still, the rain comes down so heavily that despite your timidity, you briefly contemplate asking John if you can stay a little longer. At least until it lets up a bit; until your headlights won’t blind you reflecting off the puddles on the drive home. 

Someone else pulls the blinds further apart.

“There’s no way in hell you’re going out in that,” John says from behind you, practically growling his words. Daring you to contradict him. 

You glance over your shoulder to find him right there at your back, staring out the window. He’s so close that you can smell the red sauce on his flannel from dinner and make out the flecks of grey in his beard that are almost masked by the darker hairs. 

“It’s not…that bad…”

“Sweetheart, don’t piss me off,” he warns.

The blinds shuttle back together with a clatter when you finally let go of them. 

“I could—I could take the couch,” you offer. 

“Sweetheart,” John sighs, looking down at you meaningfully.

“What?” you ask, confused.

“I’m not gonna take the big, comfy bed and leave you with the couch.” When you open your mouth to protest, he cuts you off. “And don’t even try arguing. I won’t hear it.”

There’s not much you can say to dissuade him after that. The furrow of his brow lets you know he’s made up his mind; no ifs, ands, or buts. Besides, there’s a not-so-secret part of you that’s relieved that you don’t have to drive home in this weather. You’re an average driver on a good day. You don’t need your last moments before shuffling off this mortal coil to involve hydroplaning on the highway before ramming into the guardrail. 

John gives you a shirt of his to change into for after your shower, which you spend far too long in, scrubbing your body with his shower gel and quivering under the warm water. When you pull it on, you bring the collar up to your nose to smell. The same patent smoky scent, musky like ambergris and leather. Intoxicating. It makes the blood rush through your ear like a conch shell, the ocean swirling behind your eardrum. 

You hadn’t asked for underwear, content at first to keep on the same pair, but after your shower, you cringe at the thought of putting your day-old panties back on. Besides, his shirt is long enough to cover anything indecent. 

He sits on the edge of the bed when you come out, the concern on his brow melting away at the sight of you. 

“Practically a dress on you, isn’t it?” John says, voice a little wondrous. His eyes drag over you, tip to toe. 

You fiddle with the ends of it. “…Are you sure you want me to take the bed?” 

“Wouldn’t be fair. It’s yours for the night.” His lips quirk up at the corners when you frown. “Don’t worry about me—I’ve slept in worse places before.”

“Like where?” you ask dubiously.

“Tents. Abandoned buildings. Shacks. In the back of a moving van a few times. You wouldn’t believe half the places we used to make camp. Definitely no place for pretty girls like you.”

His condescending tone vaguely annoys you, but it’s hard to dig into your irritation when he thumbs the edge of the shirt you’re wearing and you realise that he’s just a few raised inches away from noticing that you don’t have any panties on. You should’ve just put your old ones back on, but it’s far too late now. 

You clear your throat instead. “We could…um…we could share.” 

You don’t know what possesses you to offer to share the bed, but the words are already gone, out of your mouth and in the air. John cocks an eyebrow.

“Unless you don’t want to,” you amend. 

“Don’t know about that, sweetheart,” he rasps. “…I snore like a bear.”

“That’s okay. I’m a pretty deep sleeper.”

John scrutinises you a bit longer, looking for any sign of hesitancy. You know he’d squash your offer in a second if he found any wariness in your gaze. 

“Alright,” he finally concedes, letting go of your shirt and slapping his thighs. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you when you wake up and can’t fall back asleep because of my snoring.”

After his shower, during which you lie on your side facing away from the bathroom door, stomach fraught with nerves as you consider the fact that he’s naked in the ensuite, you hear him come out and rummage around in the dresser for a change of clothes. You lie beside him with your stomach twisted in knots, your hands shoved under the pillow and staring resolutely at the wall. 

The appropriateness of sleeping in the same bed beside your boss isn't lost on you, but you're too far into this now.

The bed dips when he settles onto the other side, and the sudden absence of light when he switches the bedside lamp off nearly makes you cheep. 

He breathes heavily, you notice, particularly when he finally falls asleep. It’s a deep, rumbling sound—not entirely unlike a bear, though you can’t really confirm that for certain seeing as how you’ve never slept beside a bear before. 

Those are the thoughts that would signal the approach of sleep if you weren’t soon to be engulfed by it. 

Sometime in the middle of the night, you wake up to a rough hand stroking your back leisurely. There’s a hard chest under you, your cheek propped up on a pillowy pec that rises and falls with his breaths. Sleep bobs around in you like a toulouse decanter. You struggle to keep an eye open, certain that there’s something you need to tend to, but then his hand slides down your back again to curve over your rump and sleep drags you back down. 

You wake up again to your breath wafting back into your mouth, your face shoved into the crook of a man’s neck. Humid, hot. You’re lipping at the skin of his neck, little tongue darting out to lap up a bead of sweat, salty on your tongue. 

Your cunt pulses against his leg, toes curling when John drags his hand up your thigh and hitches it higher up around his waist. 

“Baby?” he groans, his voice still rusty from sleep. The sound is a rough burr up your spine. 

“Sorry,” you whisper. “Couldn’ get comfy.”

“You hot?” he asks.

The denial on the tip of your tongue slips back down your throat when he plants his foot on the bed and draws his leg up, pressing the meat of his thigh into your throbbing sex. 

“Here, lemme help you—” he groans, reaching down to ruck up your shirt, dragging it up over your breasts and helping manoeuvre your arms out of the holes. It gets tossed off the bed onto the floor. 

Now your breasts are flat on his chest, smushed against his ribcage. It registers somewhere in the back of your head as inappropriate, but sleep pushes that thought away, focusing instead on the discomfort of moving around when you just want to settle back down and go back to bed. 

It must be the heat making you act this way. 

“Shit—sorry, sweetheart,” he apologizes, shifting under you. “M’hot too.”

He plants a hand on your ass and heaves you up his chest, giving him enough room to wiggle out of his boxers. It pushes your breasts right into his face, your nipples mere inches from his mouth. When his tongue pokes out to wet his upper lip, it nicks your pebbled nipple. 

A hard length presses against your butt when you’re slid back down, the tip wet when it catches against your skin. 

“Jus’ ignore it, sweetie,” John mumbles, petting a hand down your back. 

You lie like that for a while, splayed over his body. Want simmering just under your skin. Flustered and exhausted all at once, sleep-drained; not a drop of strength in your muscles. 

The heat is just—

Scorching. Dizzying. You feel featherbrained, slipping in and out of sleep, biting off the whimpers that threaten to crawl up your throat when John tucks his hands into the crevice of your thighs to wrench them apart, spreading them around his hips again. 

Distantly, you remember that the man under you is at least twenty years your senior. Your employer at that. A man now palming your butt, sinking his fingers into the flesh and rumbling low in his throat. 

It’s wrong—flagrantly wrong. You know that you should say something, that you should get up and tell him that you’re going to sleep on the couch instead. But your tongue is too thick for your mouth. And your thoughts are a sticky paste. The pulse between your thighs empties out all the common sense from your head. 

His palms are slick on your skin. 

Your breathing grows shallow when a hard length suddenly pushes between your thighs as well. 

When the mushroomed head nudges at your opening, you flinch, heart thumping ferociously against your chest. 

“John—John—” you breathe, panicked. As if to warn him. As if he weren’t planting both feet on the bed and lifting his hips. 

As if it wasn’t his hands, warm on your waist, dragging you down onto the shaft spearing into you. 

Your blood is molten hot in your veins. Sticky hands and sticky fingers curl into his chest hair. Your head thumps against his pecs, too weak to hold it up, lipping at the damp skin of his chest. 

“It hurts—” you bleat, tears pricking at the backs of your eyes. 

“I know, baby, I know,” John pants. He draws his hips back just to press forward again, deeper this time. Filling you up more than before. “I’m sorry, baby—I can’t, it’s just…too good. Shit.”

Resolve in tatters. Shattered like his willpower, like his determination not to fuck the girl twenty years his junior sleeping beside him in his bed. 

His hips pump up into yours, bouncing you in his lap. Each thrust plunging his cock deeper into your pussy. It’d be painful if you weren’t so wet, but you’re dripping, arousal making you leak around his shaft and slickening his way. 

Sleep still rattles around in your brain, but not even the fog of sleep can shake the ever intensifying realisation that you’re fucking your boss. No two ways around it—breasts naked against his hirsute chest; pussy wet and stuffed to the hilt with a big dick. Knocked senseless by it. 

The veins of his cock drag over the viscid walls of your cunt with every thrust. He must like the involuntary noises you make because he loses his rhythm when you cry out, growling out a string of unintelligible curses. His body feels bigger like this somehow, biceps and forearms bulging where they’re wrapped around your waist, hips forcing your legs to spread wide around him, the ache sinking deep into your muscle, into your bones.  

When you look up at him, his eyes are more hooded than usual, the blue of his irises so dark that they’re almost black. 

“Such a good girl,” he grunts, big arms like steel bands around your waist, holding you tight to his chest so you have nowhere to run. “Jus’ let…jus’ let daddy come and—oh Christ, fuck, fuck…—jus’ lemme come and we’ll go back to bed, okay, sweetie?”

“I’m gonna…” you pant, trailing off when he gets a little rough, pumping harder up into you. The sound of your pussy squelching around his length makes your eyes roll back, mouth hanging open. 

“Yeah, yeah, you—you come too, baby. Jus’ need to take the edge off, both of us.”

You squeal when he reaches a hand down to dig his fingers into your butt cheek and it makes you tense up, walls tightening around his dick. One well-placed swat hard enough to make the flesh of your ass jiggle and you come, clenching up so tight that his next few thrusts are slowed by your spasming walls, forcing him to really cram his cock into your hole. 

“Christ, that’s cute,” John growls, his pupils blown out. 

It hurts to come that hard; makes your belly cramp up and everything. Whatever gibberish spills from your mouth gets lost in the aftermath. 

That’s when the temperature goes from hot to blistering. The muscles of his thighs tense, straining with his impending release. Even his grip around your waist gets tighter, his self-control steamrolled under his approaching climax, oblivious to the way you squeal and squirm when it threads the delicate needle of being too much. 

“Sorry, baby,” he apologises, voice treading gravel. “M’gonna mess your pussy up a bit—”

“Wait—wait—” you gasp, trying fruitlessly to lift yourself up, his arms keeping you pinned tight to his chest. “You’re gonna—John, you’re gonna come inside me—”

His hips thrust up hard at your words, one last rough pump that has him digging his heels into the mattress and clenching his jaw, the veins in his neck protruding. You feel it flood inside you, hot spurts of cum right up against your womb. He curses when he comes, eyelids sliding shut, lost in the sensation of emptying himself into you. 

A few last, punishing thrusts that make your teeth clack together. More heat spurting into you. A murmured oh fuck before his legs slide back down the bed, spreading out over the mattress. 

The blanket is somewhere at the foot of the bed, all scrunched up and nearly dangling off the edge. You only start to shiver when the sweat on your back finally begins to cool. 

When he pulls you off his cock, you whimper, a hot flash snaking through you. Oh Christ did he plug you up good. Stringy, viscous cum leaks from your hole, leaving a little puddle on his thigh when you slide off his chest and to the side a bit. 

“Oh baby,” he tuts softly, reaching between your legs to feel where you’re wet and a little swollen. “Sorry, sweetheart…wanna get cleaned up?”

“No…” you rasp, so dazed that you can’t even lift your cheek off his chest. 

Exhaustion has never ridden you this hard before, but considering the circumstances…—perhaps you’re lucky to be conscious at all, is all you mean. There’s not a chance of you having enough energy to do anything as rigorous as showering though. 

“Okay, baby. Little kiss?” John asks in a murmur, lifting your head up by your chin and swooping down for a kiss. Not even giving you enough time to process his words before his mouth is on yours. 

His lips glide slick against yours, tongue slipping into your mouth like he needs a good, deep kiss to ground him. A wet twisting of tongues; a thick finger stroking up your neck. He can’t stop touching you. Running a hand up your spine and curving it back down over your ass. Featherlight touches meant to calm you down. His kisses grow sticky, lingering; each one almost the last until he pulls you in for another. 

“Go back to sleep, okay?” John says, still speaking low enough to push you back under. He smooths his hand down your back again. 

You fall back asleep with a load in your belly and your head in a tizzy. The you of tomorrow is going to have a lot to contend with from the you of tonight.

[starryjake]

nightmares | s.j

in which you have a nightmare and seek comfort from your roommate.

pairing: jake x fem!reader

includes: nipple play, pussy eating, sleepy sex, unprotected sex (lmk if i missed anything).

it was childish, you knew: to be so afraid of a dumb nightmare that you had to go to your roommate for comfort.

but there you were, absolutely petrified. you laid flat on your back in your bed, not moving a muscle because you were so afraid. it didn’t help that it was storming outside either, the occasional cracks of thunder and lightning making you shiver.

when you checked the time on your phone, it read 2:19 a.m.

you briefly wondered if your roommate, jake, would be awake. it was dumb to even consider it because you knew he cherished his sleep, so he would definitely be passed out with it being that late.

even though you knew that, you still needed to be around another person. you were way too afraid to be by yourself right then.

you took a deep breath and pulled yourself out of bed. you leapt through your dark room and opened the door into the hallway. jake’s room was just across from yours.

his door was closed. you pressed your ear against it but couldn’t hear a thing. you were slightly frustrated that he was asleep, but it wasn’t like it was his job to stay awake for you just in case you had a nightmare.

slowly, you twisted open the door. his room was completely dark, but a flash of lightning illuminated his sleeping form for just a second. as you suspected, he was completely knocked out, buried under the covers in his bed.

you took a hesitant step inside, not entirely sure what you were doing by going into his room. you just needed company and the reassurance that your nightmare wasn’t real.

the door came to a close behind you, the sound of it shutting a little louder than you would’ve liked.

jake stirred, sitting up ever so slightly.

“y/n?” he mumbled, eyes squinted to look at you in the darkness.

“sorry i woke you,” you apologized, awkwardly standing by the end of his bed.

“what are you doing?” he asked. “what’s wrong?”

“i just…i had a nightmare,” you told him.

saying it out loud, you were embarrassed. you’d woken your roommate up like a child. you were selfish too for doing that. he worked hard and he was tired, thus he needed a full night of sleep.

“nightmare?” jake questioned.

“yeah,” you said. “i know, it’s dumb. i was just scared.”

“c’mere.”

your body filled with warmth and relief at the soft word from jake. he wasn’t mad, he was actually inviting you into his bed to provide you with the comfort you so desperately needed.

you crawled into his bed and slid under the covers with him. his bed was so warm and you immediately felt about a million times safer just being near him.

you laid on your side and he slid his arm around your waist, pressing his front side to your back.

you’d been roommates with jake for about a year, but you’d never once cuddled. you were friends—good friends, but you barely ever even touched. you never really hugged each other, never held hands, and especially never spooned in his bed before.

“d’you wanna talk about it?” he asked, his breath warm against your ear.

“no,” you said, not wanting to have to relive the awful nightmare. “i just couldn’t be alone.”

jake inhaled and all he could smell was the intoxicating scent of your shampoo. you were so warm and delicate in his embrace, he was definitely freaking out but trying his best not to show it.

“i’m here now,” he said. “nothing is gonna get you if i’m here.”

his words, for whatever reason, made your heart pound, made butterflies flutter in your tummy. to hear those sentences come from your incredibly attractive roommate made you…excited.

sunghoon was the reason you two knew each other. you were friends with sunghoon, jake was friends with sunghoon, and you all started hanging out in groups. you and jake coincidentally needed roommates at the same time, and then there you were.

you’d always thought he was hot and not only his physical appearance, but his personality too. he was sweet and caring and gentle, and you just really, really enjoyed him. his cute accent was a plus too.

“thank you,” you exhaled. “i knew you were sleeping and i really didn’t wanna wake you. i just—”

“hey, it’s okay,” he assured.

you suddenly felt the soft tingling sensation of his fingers grazing up and down your t-shirt clad back. you sighed in pleasure, letting your eyes flutter shut.

“feels so good,” you told him, your voice in a mumbled daze.

“yeah?” he replied. “want me to keep going?”

“mmm, yes please,” you hummed tiredly.

jake cooed at your sleepy state and continued running the tips of his fingertips up and down the length of your back.

he continued to do that until you were slowly lulled into a soft doze.

after a few minutes, jake spoke.

“can i lift your shirt?” he asked.

your eyes flew open, startled by his sudden voice in what was such a quiet room.

“yeah,” you told him.

he slowly pushed your t-shirt up your body, revealing your smooth back. he left your shirt bunched up around your chest and reattached his fingers to your back, using his nails to glide up and down.

you leaned back into his touch, sighing in pleasure. jake’s breathing got ever so slightly heavier by the sight of your pleasured reactions and your pliant body against his.

he eventually switched to using the palm of his hand to rub your back soothingly. he rubbed along your back before his hand started inching to your side, and he rubbed there too.

he gently pulled you down so you were laying on your back. with him still laying on his side, he had a height advantage over you. he looked down at your tired face, licking his lips.

neither of you even said anything and mutually started leaning in at the same time. the moment was already intimate from him rubbing your back, it just felt right and normal to kiss.

his warm lips were heavy against yours, kissing you slowly and deeply. his hand came up to cradle your face, caressing your warm blushing cheek with his thumb.

“you’re so pretty,” he mumbled against your lips.

if you were any more awake, you probably would’ve been squealing and jumping up and down.

he trailed his hand down from your face and to the side of your waist. your shirt was still raised slightly, revealing a sliver of your stomach.

jake pushed your shirt up and stopped just below your breasts.

“can i keep going?” he asked, pulling back and looking into your eyes.

you were so excited about where things were going, you would’ve been an idiot to say no.

“yeah,” you answered, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him back down to your lips.

he smiled against your lips and inched his tongue inside your mouth. you responded immediately, rubbing the slippery tip of your tongue against his. the sound was purely lewd, all wet and kissing noises.

he pushed your shirt up until it was over your chest, revealing your tits to him for the first time. the cool air in the room immediately hardened your nipples.

jake cupped your breast in his hand and swiped his thumb over your nipple, making you gasp and arch into his touch. he pulled away from your lips for a second to wet the tip of his pointer finger. he then brought his finger down to your nipple and rubbed it in little circles.

you moaned against his lips, jutting your hips up because you were suddenly a lot more needy that you’d realized. with the way he was playing with your nipple, it was starting to get you worked up.

he departed from your lips, trailing kisses down your chin, your neck, your collarbones, and finally to your chest.

he circled his tongue around the bud before taking your nipple into his mouth and sucking on it gently. you moaned out, entangling your fingers in his thick hair.

he played with the other neglected nipple, massaging it between his thumb and index finger. you spread your legs and tugged on his hair softly, showing to him how good it felt.

“you like that, baby?” he asked, licking your nipple in circles again. “is it makin’ you feel better?”

“fuck,” you moaned. “yeah, i love it.”

“cute,” he chuckled, switching to suck on the other nipple.

you weren’t sure how long that went on for. you just knew it was long enough for your panties to be completely soaked by the time he pulled away.

he kissed down your bare stomach and stopped where the waistband of your sweatpants were.

“can i keep making you feel good, baby?” he asked, his hand coming to wrap around your thigh.

you needed him to make you feel good. your pussy was so sensitive from being so aroused and you just needed something.

“mmm, please,” you answered. “it’s sticky.”

“it’s sticky?” he repeated, peeling your sweatpants down your legs. “let me see.”

he spread your legs and found that your flimsy pair of panties were completely soaked through from your arousal. he gulped, bringing his finger up and dragging it down your clothed slit.

you whimpered, jutting your hips up to try and get more contact out of just his one finger. he pushed your hips down.

“poor thing,” he cooed. “you’re soaked. did you like getting your nipples sucked that much?”

“yeah,” you answered pathetically, embarrassed.

“sweet girl,” he said, pouting at you. “gonna take care of you, angel.”

your pussy clenched around nothing.

he was quick to hook his fingers into your panties and slide them down your legs, tossing them onto the floor with your sweatpants. you were bare in front of him then, your cunt dripping and eager.

he spread your legs as wide as they could go. you felt so vulnerable underneath him. you’d never even hugged the guy, yet now you were there with your glistening cunt twitching in front of his face.

he held your thighs as he leaned in and look a long lick from the bottom of your sopping pussy all the way up to your puffy clit. he moaned as the taste of you infiltrated his senses, taking over his head. he knew just from that one lick alone that he was addicted.

“oh my god…” you trailed off, your hand finding his hair again to hold on to.

he started flicking his tongue up and down your folds, pushing his face into your cunt as deep as he could. he wrapped his lips around your clit, making out with it and drooling all over it.

for a moment, he pulled back to just look at your pussy. spread your lips with his thumbs, watching your drooling hole convulse.

“fuck, baby,” he nearly growled.

he couldn’t stay away for long and his face was buried back into your pussy a second later. he swiped his tongue back and forth against your clit, his eyes fluttering closed at the taste and the feeling of it.

“mmm,” he hummed into your pussy. “so sweet, baby. tastes so good. could’ve been eating you out since the day we moved in together if i knew you were this sweet.”

you could barely process any of his words, so lost in the pleasure he was giving you. his tongue worked your pussy like magic, slurping up your arousal and nibbling on your clit and thrusting in and out of your leaking hole.

“jake,” you cried out, tugging on his hair. “‘m close, fuck. i’m so close.”

jake dug his fingers into your thighs, frowning slightly in concentration. his tongue continued to move rapidly on your hot, gushing cunt.

the knot in your stomach suddenly snapped and your entire body fell weak. your eyes rolled back into your head and you fucked your hips against his tongue to ride out your orgasm. he moaned against you as the taste of your cum dripped down his throat.

he left your pussy with a kiss before sitting up on his knees. staring down at you, so sleepy and fucked out, he wanted nothing more than to stuff his cock deep inside of you and just pound until you both went dumb.

jake rubbed your thigh, watching your eyelids grow heavier and heavier.

“can i fuck you, baby?” he asked, slightly nervous about what you’d say.

you were tired, clearly. he wasn’t sure if you’d want to.

“yeah, jakey,” you said sweetly.

his heart throbbed at the nickname, and the fact that you were going to let him fuck you. the idea of what your tight cunt would feel like wrapped around his cock made him lightheaded.

he was quick to rid himself of his clothes. he was hard from eating you out and only needed to jerk himself off for a second before he was ready to put it in.

he lined the pretty pink tip of his cock up with your slippery hole and eased his way inside, not wanting to hurt you. he watched your reactions closely.

you looked up at him, your jaw falling slack at the feeling of his cock slowly filling your pussy up. your legs shook as he pushed himself to the brim, the tip of his cock hitting the spongey spot deep inside of you.

“oh,” you whimpered. “feels so good. i’m so full.”

“yeah, baby?” he cooed. “you nice and full of my cock?”

you nodded rapidly, sitting yourself up slightly so you could see his cock slowly slide out of you before pushing back in. your walls fluttered around him.

your pussy was so warm, wet, tight, and absolutely intoxicating just like how he knew it would be.

“such a good pussy,” he moaned, holding onto your hips as he thrusted. “got my dick all wet in your sweet cum, baby.”

there was a creamy ring of your cum around the base of his dick, which made a lewd squelching sound every time he thrusted.

you just whimpered in response, turning your head to the side. he was fucking you so deeply, dragging every inch of his long length through your tight walls.

you held onto his biceps, digging your nails into his skin. he bit his lip, looking down at your pretty supple body and the way you just laid there and took it, letting him fuck you nice and good.

“‘m close, baby,” he told you, grabbing your chin and turning your head so you were looking up at him again. “where do you want me to cum?”

you were so sleepy and fucked out that you could still barely comprehend his words. you also were starting to feel your second orgasm brewing in your stomach which made it even harder to focus.

you just babbled some incoherent nonsense.

“words, honey,” he said, squeezing your thighs. “tell me where you want my cum.”

“inside,” you cried out, tightening your legs around his waist. “wanna be filled.”

“fuck,” jake hissed. “i’ll fill you up real good. i’ll make you nice and warm, yeah baby?”

“please!” you yelled. “please, i need it.”

your words sent him straight over the edge. he choked on a moan as ropes of his warm cum spilled inside of you, drenching your walls.

seeing him hit his orgasm sent you over the edge as well, and suddenly you were clenching around him, sucking him completely dry.

waves of sweat and pleasure and euphoria washed over the both of you. you swear he was sending you to another dimension where the only thing you knew was pleasure and jake’s addictive cock.

he slowly rocked his hips in and out of you, milking both of your orgasms until you were both done and spent.

by then, you were both exhausted. he slowly pulled out and collapsed next to you. the two of you laid on your backs, staring at the ceiling in shock at what you’d just done.

you went into his room with the expectation of a little bit of comfort after your awful nightmare, not to have been given two orgasms.

for a few minutes, neither of you said anything.

then, jake spoke up.

“so, did i get you to forget about your nightmare?” he asked, turning his head to the side to look at you.

at that point, you couldn’t even remember what the nightmare was about.

“i think you did,” you answered.

he pulled you into his chest and kissed the top of your head. within a few minutes, both of you were asleep in each others arms.

-

a/n long jake smut for 1k and bc im horny for him.

thank you for reading <3