#I would like to see my beloved jc… and get to experience all the little clever details of a 24 year old game
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man I sure wish one day I can play the original Deus ex…
#Before anyone says it’s on steam yes I know but unfortunately I don’t think my laptop could handle it lol#like it would explode if I tried to run a video game other than an emulated one#I would like to see my beloved jc… and get to experience all the little clever details of a 24 year old game#WOW OG DEUS EX IS MY AGE#Maybe I might boot up mankind divided today…. Or at least play a few side missions#I do plan on getting Xbox one too so I may pick up the vanilla deus ex human Revolution - which does have problems but I think I’ll survive#esstentially the director’s cut is seen as much better and fluid but unfortunately they remove the gold aesthetic of the cutscenes which#does give human revolutions its vibe so having that removed in its updated version is disappointing#But yeah it’s one of those series I want to play before I die type of thing#sadly invisible war isn’t backwards compatible like I get it’s a let down but I don’t understand why it’s not got Xbox backwards compatible#support unless it’s a licensing or ownership thing :/#because it WAS made for the OG Xbox#shallow rambles#augposting
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ep8: oh, the foreshadowing!
wwx taking the stairs two at a time to hop on up to visit wen ning. aww
wwx talking to the rabbits like they understand him a hugely underrated aspect of his teenage self. it hurts so much to see this goofiness and simple ability to have fun ripped away from him later. of course he's still himself, but losing his core and the BM really changed him
these two shots are seconds apart from each other and see how different the position of the rabbit is in his hands? who edited this
jc's toxic masculinity strikes again...in this case it genuinely is a front that's easily overcome by his reluctant affection of the rabbits, but the constant criticism and insults towards wwx are so tiring. how do his siblings live like this
wwx is so cute I love him
ALARMING WORDS OF FORESHADOWING. I always thought this applied to wwx, but he's not even paying attention. jc is the one who sits up and takes notice. losing his family so many times obviously hurt wwx a great deal, but unlike jc, wwx has avenues of potential companionship and happiness outside of his family unit. wwx has many friends, and makes many people his family, and falls deeply in love, and extends himself outwards to the world. jc has no such capabilities - and this isn't a criticism, because I'm in the same boat. I really struggle to connect with people outside my family and I don't have a wide network of support besides them. jc has one friend outside his family circle. he loves his sister and his brother, and he has an uneasy relationship with his parents. jc removed from his family is well and truly miserable, with little avenue for alternate company or love. we see this. it wasn't just the trauma that turned him violent and aggressive and bitter, it was the loneliness of losing the only people he ever felt were his home
of course wwx bitterly regrets losing his family -it was so painful to him that he didn't survive the experience. but he's more resilient than jc in a lot of ways, and he can find home and family in different places. if jc had been the one who died and returned to life, what would be waiting for him? his family is all dead and he can't endear himself to like-minded strangers or children as wwx can.
there's different ways to interpret this line...I know ppl consider it as proof that wwx will never be happy away from the jiangs and LP, but that's a depressing fixation that I don't think holds true by the end of the story, even tho is seems pretty likely pre-nightless and at points postres as well. because if it did...what's the point? what's the entire point of the romance and the narrative of wwx regaining things he'd lost one after the other, and finding love and trust and faith again postres? it's an interpretation that really sidelines his relationship w lwj in ways that I don't think are supported by the text, and runs counter to his character, who we've established is extremely resilient, flexible, and ever looking forward. there will always be pain, but unlike jc he doesn't become rigid and lock himself in it. he stays soft, as much as he resists it. he comes back to the world and he realizes he's still a part of it and he still loves
this will always be a cute scene but I liked 'farewell' better
lxc doesn't get enough credit for being a stone cold badass ngl
flipside the way that this affected lxc...the way lqr asked about lwj later on...they love him...he's their beloved boy. their little lan zhan
THE DOODLES 😭
this is jyl backing up wwx while jc is confused, angry, doesn't know what could possibly be so important. this is another one of jc's flaws - he always assumes he knows all there is to know about a situation and he acts accordingly. such arrogance, really, tho it's more forgivable for a child than an adult. OH. ANOTHER CONTRAST. lwj always cautioning the kids not to jump to conclusions without knowing the full story vs. jc's constant assumption that he's the arbiter of truth because there are no details he could possibly not know. at least in regards to wwx
wwx spooking lwj with a goofy mask and then nhs scaring wwx with a MUCH more gruesome and scary mask. the metaphors may be heavyhanded but I am enjoying them anyway
he says this immediately before insulting lwj again. DO YOU???
you know I get mad when ppl characterize wwx as oblivious to his feelings but some of the lines in here could be used to support that reading. he's all over the place. he's flirty, he seems to know he's into guys, he's weirded out by nhs admiring lwj, he teases lwj by talking about girls, he insults lwj, he talks him up as the coolest guy he's ever met. I guess I could chalk it up to him being confused and avoidant of his feelings even now, but I also just think the writing is suffering a bit these early episodes. cannot wait for sunshot for real
hard to tell but nhs just flung his mask behind him onto the street. okay rich boy
the way he gets excited and alert at the mention of a poetry reading...nerd
also this...just transfixed by the flower petals. very endearing imo
that sounds gay wwx
I always talk about how stupid he is but this is actually quite perceptive
why is he talking at her neck??? creep. maybe they thought talking into her ear would be too sexual but this is literally just as bad
aw this is a fun scene. and jc is very nonconfrontational. when it becomes clear wq isn't backing down, he gives up. serve them first. when she escalates, he tries to leave
reminds me of a post talking about he's completely able to control his anger with character he'd actually face consequences for attacking, or with someone like jy; who he clearly doesn't want to hurt. but wwx is just an acceptable target I guess
this is so fucked up...the dafan mtn wens lived here! this was their home before being turned out of it and herded into a prisoner camp and murdered in droves! not a single one survived except the baby. fucked up!!
nhs is literally sleeping sitting up against a rock. cool to consider this a commentary on how he seems so pampered and unable to take hardship, but he's actually a lot more capable of sustaining it than expected. but it's probably not that deep
I meant to reblog this for a part two, but I didn't have any pics I wanted to post so im just going to write out my thoughts
I think this is the worst fight scene in this show 😭 I love wires and the drama and the bad cgi, and some of the fight scenes in this show are among my favorite on tv (the rooftop swordfight scenes, ofc), but this choreography and editing is just a mess. the camera switches between two mirrored angles of lwj, we miss key frames of action, the movements are uncoordinated to what other characters are doing, and overall it's an awkward and drawn-out thing to sit through. the large cgi creatures are always a sticking point for these fights, it seems
this little quest is really not grabbing me the way it did initially....the character interactions seem few and far between, and the plot is both boring and hard to parse. I WANT WEN INDOCTRINATION ARC!!!! NOW!!!
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It’s not Wei Wuxian’s fault that A-Yuan thinks he’s a rabbit, or Jiang Cheng’s fault that toddler Jin Ling used to Zidian to short out the city’s power grid, or Xue Yang’s fault that little A-Qing was strapped to his chest during a motorcycle joyride down the highway, but they are stuck going to family counseling, along with a bored Lan Wangji, a giggly Xiao Xingchen, an out-to-lunch Lan Xichen, and an indignant Jin Guangyao. A lonely Nie Huaisang gets in on the action by joining all twenty group chats and sending way too many gifs.
And, all the while, a rebellion is brewing on Wangxian’s block, their neighbors driven mad by the incessant midnight duets.
Poor Dr. Wen Qing, child psychologist and therapist extraordinaire. What has she done to deserve this?
Read On AO3!
Or read below if the spirit so moves you:
There’s a letter nailed to the door when they arrive home.
Wei Wuxian rips the letter from the nail and reads it aloud.
“ ‘We, the undersigned, do hereby declare Wei Wuxian and Lan Wanji to be persona non grata on Cultivator Court for the following reasons: One: Wild animals leaving unspeakable ‘presents’ on our lawns—’ ”
Wei Wuxian looks up. “That would be Lil’ Apple. Do they sell donkey diapers?”
Lan Wangji unlocks the door. “What else?”
“ ‘Two: Gangs of feral rabbits rampaging through our flower beds!’ –They do have a point here. How they keep getting loose I’ll never know. ‘Number Three: Loud duets at midnight. We get it! You’re in love! Get a soundproof basement or shut the hell up!’ ” Wei Wuxian wrinkles his nose. “Who spit in their bean curd?”
“Where do these people meet, and can I join?” asks Jiang Cheng.
* * * *
One month earlier:
It's all the daycare’s fault, really. And also the gang’s mutual pediatrician for getting involved and setting them up with a family therapist.
And they all know they should be grateful that the authorities are letting them off easy. But—
Weekly family therapy sessions that double as parenting classes? They all already know how to change diapers and hide the matches and make airplane noises.
And none of it’s not any of their faults. More of a…
“Series of misunderstandings,” explains Wei Wuxian to Dr. Wen Qing. “I’m sure when you hear the full story, you’ll laugh too. Right, Lan Zhan?”
“I don’t think she ever laughs,” whispers Xue Yang to Xiao Xingchen, who can’t see Dr. Wen’s impassive face but dissolves into a fit of giggles anyway.
Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes at the two of them and turns to Dr. Wen. “How long is this going to take? My new fashion line launches next week! I don’t have time for this—ow!” He jerks around at A-Yuan, who's gazing up at him innocently. He glares at Wei Wuxian. “Your carrot-brained little son bit me!”
Wei Wuxian scoops his son up onto his lap. “Don’t worry, A- Yuan, Uncle Cheng didn’t mean it—”
“Thumper!” A-Yuan corrects him.
“I’m sorry. Don’t worry, Thumper , Uncle Cheng didn’t mean it.”
“That’s normal,” says Xue Yang. “ ‘Thumper’?”
Xiao Xingchen hushes him.
“I just meant I’d go for a better name,” Xue Yang goes on. “Like Iago or Mushu if we’re picking from annoying cartoon animals. Doesn’t Thumper get shot?”
“You’re thinking of Bambi,” says Meng Yao irritably. He doesn’t look up from his phone as his finger moves in a blur over the screen. He’s missing several important meetings to be here. “He's the one who gets shot.”
A- Yuan’s eyes are huge. “Bambi gets shot?”
“No, Bambi’s mother gets shot,” Xue Yang explains.
A- Yuan bursts into tears.
Lan Wangji shoots Xue Yang a look that’s pure poison.
Dr. Wen clears her throat. “This is perhaps a good example of the dysfunction that—"
“Don’t worry, Thumper’s parents are just fine!” Wei Wuxian tells A- Yuan, squeezing the boy tighter. “Jiang Cheng, show him their pictures on your phone!”
“Do you think I have cartoon rodents as my wallpaper?”
“Google it!”
“Kid’s got to learn about death sometime.” Xue Yang places a lollipop in A-Yuan’s plump little hand. A-Yuan grins at him through his tears. Xue Yang is the kids’ favorite, to the jealousy of everyone but Xiao Xingchen, who is just as beloved. “See? Now he’ll always remember it as something sweet.”
The entire group gives him a Look, save Xiao Xingchen, who’s smiling and nodding.
Sometimes I think he’s deaf as well as blind , Meng Yao texts the others. There are an endless number of group chats, with most created just to complain about the people not on that specific group chat.
WWX : That’s cruel, but...
Jiang Cheng makes an impatient sound. Jin Ling is perched on his knee, slobbering on his custom lotus-patterned purple leather cell phone case. He takes his phone out of the toddler’s mouth and sets him down on the floor. “Can we move this along? Some of us have better things to do.”
“Yes. Thank you, Mr. Jiang.” Dr. Wen glances around the circle of folding chairs. “Now, do we all know why we’re here? Mr. Xue? Would you like to go first?”
Xue Yang stops picking at his chipped black nail polish. “What?”
“Do you know why you’re here, Mr. Xue?”
“I told A-Qing to stop biting people unless they really deserve it, and besides, she’s fully vaccinated, so I don’t see the problem there—”
“Mr. Xiao? Any ideas?”
Xiao Xingchen clears his throat and shuffles his sandaled feet, nervously smoothing the fringe on his oversized tie-dye poncho. “I’m not exactly sure why we’ve been included in a Jiang family therapy session, to be quite honest.”
“Your husband and daughter have been…implicated in some of the group’s…let’s call them mishaps, and as your daughter has adopted A- Yuan’s rabbit fixa—wait a minute, where is your daughter?”
“Xingchen’s got her,” shrugs Xue Yang.
JC - JGY - WWX - Jin Ling’ Uncles
JGY : *That’s* reassuring...
JGY : They make baby leashes for a reason
WWX : Lan Zhan threatened to buy me one the last time we went to the mall. I was lost for a half hour
JC : Are you sure he wasn’t just trying to lose you in the crowd?
WWX : Actually, I think Lan Zhan *did* buy the leash in the end…
*Jiang Cheng has left the chat*
Dr. Wen inclines her head. “Your husband is beside you, Mr. Xue. Your daughter is not.”
Xue Yang cranes his neck around the room. “I’m sure she’s fine, wherever she is. Unrelated question, are all of the valuables around here locked up, or—?”
“Mr. Xue—”
“We’ll know soon enough anyway. Is there an alarm system? No, don’t tell me. I’d rather be surprised. Be right back.” He tucks his phone inside his ripped black jeans and leaves the room, whistling. The clomp of his heavy combat boots disappears down the hall.
“Don’t worry,” says Xiao Xingchen, who seems to have missed a good half of what his husband has said, as usual. “This happens all the time. A-Qing has an excellent sense of direction.”
WWX - JGY - XY - JC - LWJ - Cabbage Patch Kids
JC : What the hell does that mean? The kid’s like 5
WWX : 3, tops
JC : No way she’s 3. She stole my watch last time she played w Jin Ling
LWJ : Are you certain that wasn’t her father?
NHS : XXC would never hahaha 😭 😭 😭
WWX : Huaisang! Whassup!
NHS:
WWX: You change the chat name again? I like it.
JC: Can he take my place here? This whole thing is inane
WWX : "Inane"! So you *have* been using the Word of the Day calendar Lan Zhan bought you!
JC : Shut up
JGY : Like a 5-year-old stealing a watch makes any more sense than a 3-year-old?
WWX : Oh we’re back on that?
NHS : Who stole who’s what now?
LWJ : *whose
JGY : Jiang Cheng was robbed by a toddler.
JC : Don’t you have some corporate espionage to go do or someone’s job to steal or something?
NHS:
JC: Send one more gif and I reach through your phone and strangle you
NHS:
WWX: Did you watch Shrek again without us? That’s A- Yuan’s fav movie
NHS: ur always so busy w lwj n the baby n playing w ur corpses lately!
Dr. Wen sighs. “All right, then. Who would like to go next? Mr. Jiang? How about you? Phones away, everyone, please.”
Jiang Cheng makes a show of being annoyed at having to look up from his phone. “I shouldn’t even be here. This is idiotic.”
WWX - NHS
WWX: Or “inane”
NHS:
“That’s not what the power company report says, Mr. Jiang. Now, I don’t mean to accuse you of anything, but there are concerns—”
“I swear Zidian was depowered when I gave it to Jin Ling to play with,” Jiang Cheng says irritably. “He teethed on that thing for months as a baby. It’s fine.”
WWX -XY - LWJ - JGY - 🧟 🍬 🐇 🤠
JGY: Did Jiang Cheng just tell a mandated reporter that he let Jin Ling teethe on his magic lightning whip?
XY: dammit Im missing all the good stuff!
LWJ: *I’m
NHS:
JGY: You’re wasting my phone’s memory with these ridiculous gifs.
NHS: *inane gifs
XY: Jiggy why don’t you just have your 🍬 🍭 👦👨 buy you a fancy new phone with more memory?
NHS:
WWX: XY did you find A-Qing?
NHS: He lost A-Qing again?
LWJ: …Again?
XY: NHS do you like your tongue where it is or
NHS:
JGY: ?
XY: fingers. whatever.
WWX: I'm lost too
XY: nvm
JGY: That was edifying.
“Now, Mr. Jiang, I don’t mean to insinuate that you let your three-year-old nephew play unsupervised with a dangerous weapon that mistakenly activated and went on to fry the power grid and knock out all power within a five-mile radius for two weeks—”
JGY: Despicable inefficiency
“—or that you took him to a weapons expo, because, I quote ‘He’s going to have to learn to fight eventually anyway’—”
“It was an archery range.”
WWX - LWJ - NHS - Wen Chao Sucks!
WWX: Start ‘em young
NHS: i think it's inane
NHS: WWX? did LWJ smile at that one?
LWJ: No
WWX: He’s laughing on the inside
NHS: how….inane
“Mr. Jiang? Have you any response?”
Jiang Cheng crosses his arms over his chest. Jin Ling is hopping around on the floor with A- Yuan. Obviously not electrocuted, Jiang Cheng thinks, so what’s the problem? “So when my brother blows out the entire neighborhood’s power doing illegal experiments in his garage it’s okay, but I plug a space heater into the same outlet as a toaster and I’m suddenly the devil incarnate?”
NHS - WWX - JGY - Two Bros & A Guy
NHS : Why would you need a space heater in the kitchen? what I do is turn the oven on and that gets the room all hot
WWX : I think you need a new oven
NHS : Are ovens not supposed to do that??
WWX : Do fridges radiate cold?
NHS : I never thought about it that way 🤔
JGY : In the history of the world, nobody ever has.
WWX : Also, all of my illegal experiments are electricity-free.
JGY : …Jin Ling is never spending the night at your house again.
WWX : I said electricity-FREE!
JGY : Because a fridge full of corpses that you and that psychotic hooligan are trying to raise from the dead is so much better.
WWX : A) it’s a top-of-the-line industrial freezer, not a fridge, and B) those corpses were ethically-sourced—locally-sourced, anyway—
NHS : free-range & organic
WWX : zip it Huaisang
NHS : 🐓
Dr. Wen taps her clipboard with her pen. “Mr. Jiang, nobody's accusing you of anything. This is simply—”
“Whatever. What about him?” Jiang Cheng jerks a thumb at Meng Yao. “At least I didn’t set fire to anything.”
Meng Yao straightens up indignantly. “That was an accident!”
Dr. Wen looks like she wants to go home. “According to the fire marshal’s report, it—”
“I’m so terribly sorry I’m late!” A slightly disheveled Lan Xichen appears in the doorway, Xue Yang behind him. “I locked my keys in the car, and was going to call AAA, but then I remembered that we aren’t members—did you know you have to be a member?—plus my phone—”
Xue Yang slaps him on the back. His other hand, gloved as always, is holding A-Qing by the hand. Her oversized pockets clink suspiciously as she runs to go play with A-Yuan and Jin Ling. Today Xue Yang has dressed her in a pink poodle skirt, black boots with frilly socks, and a black T-shirt with the words “Daddy’s Little Delinquent” in pink script, pulling her hair into spiky little pigtails.
“—and the look the bus driver gave me when I tried paying with the $50 I luckily had in my pocket!”
“He’s telling the truth,” Xue Yang says. Over the years, an odd friendship has sprung up between him and Lan Xichen. “He has a stamped bus pass and everything. Look at the poor man. Had to squash in with the hoi poloi. He won’t be over this for weeks.”
Lan Xichen is blinking too much. “And someone on the bus stole my wallet, though I could have sworn I left the bus with it—”
Xue Yang winks at A-Qing, who grins at him and pats the bulging pocket on her frilly pink skirt.
JC - WWX
JC : Why is my lead fashion designer wearing CROCS??
WWX : His house keys must have been on the same keychain. Lan Zhan said he took today off from work
JC : Okay but why are they orange?
WWX : Not everything he owns has to be blue, you know
JC : His contract clearly states at least three out of every four articles of clothing have to be blue!
WWX : Relax, lil bro
JC : He’s the face of our Overly Elaborate Yet Elegantly Simple Eveningwear division!
NHS : Who is?
JC : GET BIRD BRAIN OFF THIS CHAT OR I SWEAR TO ZIDIAN—
NHS : 😿 who just showed up? Xichen?
WWX : Yup he just arrived after a harrowing bus experience
NHS : https://cutt.ly/Mks2dgu ?
JC : Does anyone actually like when people send them links??
NHS : https://cutt.ly/hks21H8
Meng Yao is wearing what Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang call his "customer service smile," a holdover from his dark days in retail. It's the closest he ever gets to showing irritation towards his fiancé. “Why didn’t you Uber over, Xichen?”
“I locked my phone in the car with the keys—”
“It’s fine, Mr. Lan," says Dr. Wen. "Please have a seat. You’re just in time. After all, you were mentioned by name in the fire marshal’s report, along with the somewhat contradictory descriptions of ‘dazed’ and ‘hysterically sobbing,’ which naturally piqued my interest—”
Lan Xichen seats himself beside Meng Yao. He's still looking somewhat frazzled Then again, his main two facial expressions are “gentle smile” and “mild anxious look.” “That was an accident. The fire, I mean. A little mishap.”
“Gentlemen, all of these incidents cannot be mere ‘accidents’—”
“I was meditating and A-Ling wandered in and knocked over the incense burner,” Lan Xichen explains hurriedly. Meng Yao, well-practiced as he is at hiding his emotions, winces slightly. “The window was open, and there was a breeze, and A-Yao just bought these new gauzy curtains that tend to flap about quite a bit—”
XY - JGY - LWJ - JC - NHS - Crossing Us Is A *Great* Idea
XY : And burn quickly
NHS : What am I missing???
XY : Insurance fraud
NHS:
XY : Yes. We’re all complicit now
JGY : Xue Yang, have you heard of a little something called libel?
XY : 🖕 We should go back to building with asbestos like they did in the good old days
JC : We’re all so glad you’re here, Xue Yang
NHS : I need to adopt a kid so I can join your group or something, this sucks, you get to go this secret club every week, jc I see wwx even less than you do
JC : stop talking
XY : What color baby you want, NHS?
JC : What the hell??
XY : That was a joke
NHS: ....
“…and I was so deep in meditation I didn’t notice the flames until the fire department arrived, but A-Ling was fine, just fine, and all the fire fighters were so very nice…”
WWX : Can confirm. Xichen was more traumatized than the kid. The firefighters had to wrap him in like fifty foil blankets
XY : XXC tells me Himbo stayed with you a full week, was that why? my boy didn't tell me
LWJ : “Himbo”? He got 1600 on his SAT.
XY: Term of endearment he knows he’s my boy plus the guy locked his keys and phone in the car for the second time this month
JC : At least he feels remorse over his child endangerment, unlike certain other people I could mention
LWJ : "Child endangerment"?
XY : Tell us again about how Jin Ling used to teethe on Zidian, JC?
NHS:
“Dr. Wen will be pleased to know that my apartment is now fully equipped with a top-of-the-line sprinkler system,” says Meng Yao smoothly. “No more incense, either. This unfortunate incident will never be repeated again.”
XY - WWX - JC - Odd Man Out
XY : At least not until the insurance money runs out
WWX : 😒
XY : Not that he needs it, after landing Himbo
NHS:
WWX: Those jokes really aren't funny
NHS: 😔
JC: Dammit NHS are you in every chat?? Did you change the chat names? Why aren't you showing up on half the participant lists?? Did you hack our phones or what??
NHS: Don’t be so *inane*
Wei Wuxian titters.
“Mr. Wei? Since you seem so eager to speak, perhaps we should move onto your issues, then.”
Wei Wuxian straightens up and points to his chest, the picture of innocence. “Me?”
Dr. Wen smiles thinly. “You, Mr. Wei. Perhaps you can tell us your side of what the school is referring to as ‘The Radish Incident.’ ”
“Well….” Wei Wuxian darts a glance over at Lan Wangji, who is as impassive as ever. “I was just burying him for fun, you know. We like to pretend he’s a radish—“
“A radish?”
“It’s a…you know. A game. I personally like potatoes better, but—”
“Mr. Wei, several parents complained to the school.”
“Because we were hogging the sandbox.”
“Because your son was running around screaming ‘I’m a chubby little radish boy!’ Which in itself would not be cause for concern. But coupled with his troubling behavior the following week—"
XY - JC - JGY - Two Men & A Half
XY : Where did she get these records? Who does she work for, the NSA?
NHS : She’s an astronaut?
JGY : How did you sneak into this chat? And did you rename it?
NHS : 😉
JGY: You're what, an inch taller than me?
XY: someone struck a nerve
JGY: It's just derivative of the other group chat, that's all.
NHS : u said no to "gettin' jiggy w it" i had no other choice. anyway what's happening over there?
JC : I’ll give Dr. W this, that kid is weird.
NHS : who a-yuan?
JC : I’ll give Dr. W this, that kid is weird.
JC : I mean, he’s my nephew, he’s a great kid, that’s not what I’m meant—
XY : *delete delete*
JC : How does your hippie husband put up with you??
JGY : We suspect brainwashing or blackmail.
“—when he decided he was a rabbit or," Dr. Wen continues, "or, as he put it, ‘Daddy’s Huggy Little Bunny Boy.”
“He is Daddy’s Huggy Little Bunn—"
“And only responds to the name ‘Thumper,’ refuses to eat anything other than carrots or food containing carrots, insists on wearing bunny ears—"
XY - NHS
XY : If it’s good enough for Louis Belcher, it’s good enough for Freaky Little Bunny Boy
NHS:
you watch the show too?? I call mingjue “bob” - u know - grumpy mustache guy
XY : I’m sure that’s gone over well
NHS: he’ll learn to love it
XY : A-Qing loves Louis
NHS:
“—hops around instead of walking, and has convinced others of the same…fantasy.”
Everyone glances over at the three children, who are hopping in a circle. A-Yuan has a fluffy little tail on the seat of his pants, carefully sewn on by Lan Wangji. Jin Ling has a handful of cotton balls that had been badly superglued on by an annoyed Jiang Cheng. And A-Qing has a wad of blue cotton candy taped to her frilly pink skirt with a strip of duct tape. As they watch, Jin Ling rips the cotton candy off and stuffs it in his mouth. A-Qing shoves him onto his cottony rear end.
“That’s my girl!” Xue Yang calls.
“Daddy’s proud of you!” Xiao Xingchen adds, though he’s not quite sure what’s going on.
Dr. Wen sighs. “I’m still unclear about how this started. Was it the rabbit incident? Mr. Lan—" She nods her head at Lan Wangji to differentiate between the brothers. Lan Xichen has fallen asleep in his chair, exhausted by his first-ever bus ride. “—I mean, I beg your pardon, Dr. Lan. Perhaps you can fill us in on that? He told his teacher he was attacked by a rabbit monster."
“So he was bitten by one rabbit!” Wei Wuxian says when Lan Wangji just eyes her coldly. “It wasn’t Lan Zhan’s fault. That rabbit was bad news. It had this gleam in its eye—lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes—"
Xiao Xingchen emits a muffled little squeak. Xue Yang looks annoyed. He hates when other people make Xiao Xingchen laugh.
NHS - JC
NHS:
JC: yes yes we all get the Jaws reference
NHS: the last movie we all watched together : /
JC: yes I just said that
NHS: like three months ago
JC: and?
NHS: just saying...
“He was scared of the rabbits after that, and so Lan Zhan told him that rabbits only bite their own, and, well…I mean, we have a hundred rabbits in our backyard. It was either rehoming them and making the news like those crazy cat people, or making A-Yuan feel better.”
A-Yuan hops past, wiggling his cotton tail.
Jiang Cheng rubs his temples.
“All right, Mr. Wei. Thank you. That’s…elucidating. We’ll delve into that in future sessions. Now, perhaps we can discuss the June 7th incident involving you and Mr. Xue?”
Xiao Xingchen starts to laugh again. Xue Yang grins to himself.
LWJ - JC
LWJ : What happened on the 7th?
JC : Am I my brother’s keeper??
“Now, the seventh? I was…hard to remember, all that time ago…” Wei Wuxian taps his chin. "The mists of time and all that."
“It was three weeks ago, Mr. Wei.”
“The seventh….the seventh…was that a Tuesday—?”
“Wen Chao had it coming,” said Xue Yang. Smirking, he twirls his ponytail around a finger. His ponytail is long and sleek and sprouts from the top of his head like an 80s schoolgirl's. “Amiright, ‘Mr. Wei’?”
Wei Wuxian coughs. “You mean the Wen Chao who lives on Qishan Road? That Wen Chao?”
“That spoiled rich kid?” Jiang Cheng asks. (“As if you’re one to talk,” says Xue Yang.) “With the oversized Humvee and tractor-sized tires with spinning rims? Zipping down the street at all hours and blasting his music? I went to college with him. He used to leave double-deckers in the bathroom at frat parties.”
Dr. Wen swallows a long-suffering sigh. “Thank you, Mr. Jiang. I’m sure that information will prove most helpful in evaluating your brother’s case. Mr. Wei, your arrest, combined with the Huggy Little Bunny Boy Incident, does not fill me with confidence.”
“Not arrested—"
“Taken for questioning,” Xue Yang agrees. “By the neighborhood watch. Golf dads and wine moms. Very different from 'arrested.' "
"And you should know," says Meng Yao.
JC - JGY
NHS : What’s going on? What am I missing????
JGY: Did you just make a new group chat? Your name isn't showing up. This is disconcerting.
NHS: don’t worry about it
JC : We’re talking about Wen Chao
NHS : overcompensating humvee ex-frat boy with the hair gel? vomit in the jacuzzi and streak across the field at the big game wen chao? ur babysitter's cousin?
JC : The very idiot
NHS : He has nice sunglasses
JC : For a Russian mobster
NHS : Says the guy who owns a purple zebra striped jacket
JC : Says the guy with more bird-themed shirts than Winston Bishop
JGY : Touche.
NHS : i didn’t know u watch New Girl 2! we must talk l8tr shorturl.at/vDI26
JGY : Your abbreviations are marginally shorter than the actual words.
NHS :
JC : Cleaning bird cages does take up most of one’s afternoon
NHS : see, u get it
JC : Dr. Wen isn’t buying whatever WWX is selling here.
JGY : Wen Chao is related to Dr. Wen. If WWX had any more sense than a chipmunk, he’d realize that. No matter how much you hate someone, family is family...
“Wen Chao was a public menace,” says Wei Wuxian self-righteously. “He deserved what he got. Speeding down the street all the time. Think of the children!”
LWJ - WWX
LWJ: Why is this my first time hearing about this?
WWX: You’ve heard me complain about WC a million times. I even named a group chat after him!
LWJ: Wei Ying.
WWX: You were off visiting your uncle with A-Yuan ! You left me unsupervised! I am not to be blamed!!!
LWJ: We’ll discuss this later
WWX: 😓
“Perhaps the better question is where you got all those fish,” says Dr. Wen.
Everyone turns to look at Xue Yang.
“A magician never reveals his secrets,” he grins.
Xiao Xingchen chuckles.
“Five hundred dollars in damages, Mr. Xue. Raw fish juice is difficult to get out of faux tiger fur upholstery, I understand.”
Xue Yang flaps his hand. “His father can afford it.”
“That is not the—" Dr. Wen stops, perhaps realizing that an argument with Xue Yang means forfeiting a chunk of her sanity. “Moving on, Mr. Xue, can you explain this picture you posted on social media?”
“That picture’s an old one. A-Qing’s just a baby.”
“Mr. Xue, given the recent threats you made towards A-Qing’s daycare teacher for putting her in a time-out for stealing her classmate’s graham crackers and apple juice, this is relevant.”
“Posting that to the public account was a mistake, if that’s your concern. My Insta for A-Qing is private, but I was in a candy store and got kind of distracted by the new sugar-frosted fruity explosion jaw-busting mega bombs—"
“You fail to understand the issue, Mr. Xue. What’s that in her mouth?”
“Fingers. Or is that a toe?”
Xiao Xingchen laughs.
“They weren't real,” says Xue Yang.
WWX - JC
WWX:
JC: Great more gifs
“I think I have one with the Halloween store tags still on—" Xue Yang scrolls through the hundreds of photos of A-Qing filling his phone. “Should be one in here somewhere—oh, look, Xingchen, these are from your birthday party; I tell you, Amazo the Magnificent had no sense of humor at all; you’d think nobody had ever replaced his rabbit with a porcupine before-"
Jin Ling hops by. “Rabbit!” he cheers.
Jiang Cheng groans.
“There is blood on the fingers, Mr. Xue.”
Xue Yang gives a breezy laugh. “Paint. The springy plastic is perfect for teething. You just put it in the freezer for a few hours—real fingers wouldn’t work; they’d freeze solid, which makes good ice packs for those hard-to-reach places, sure, but as far as teething goes—”
Dr. Wen holds up a hand. “Thank you, Mr. Xue. That’s enough. My next question is about this speeding ticket, which you received while your daughter was strapped to your chest.”
“She was wearing a helmet!”
“You were driving a motorcycle down the highway, Mr. Xue.”
Xue Yang glances hurriedly at Xiao Xingchen, who’s frowning. “These were two separate incidents—"
“Mr. Xue, I don’t think that that makes it much better—"
“Ouch!” Meng Yao shoots to his feet. “He bit me! Your son bit me!”
Wei Wuxian scoops up A- Yuan, who's looking very satisfied with himself. “You shouldn’t have worn a carrot-orange shirt, then.”
“It’s not orange, it’s beige—"
“Maybe he was aiming for Xichen’s crocs and missed,” Xue Yang suggests.
Meng Yao pats his pockets. “Where’s my phone?”
Xue Yang winks at A-Qing, whose already-stuffed pocket is bulging further. Xue Yang likes dressing her in disarmingly cute dresses and skirts with huge pockets, the better to hide her loot. She grins and twirls a pigtail like Xue Yang twirls his ponytail and skips off with Jin Ling and A- Yuan.
Meng Yao is wearing the fixed smile of a Starbucks barista whose customer just asked to speak to the manager. Never a good sign. “Could somebody be so kind as to call my phone?”
Wei Wuxian makes a show of dialing. No one else moves. Lan Xichen mumbles something to himself in his sleep, chin sunk deep in his chest.
“Sorry, Jiggy,” says Wei Wuxian. “Maybe you left your phone at home?”
“You all saw me using it not a minute ago, and kindly stop calling me Jiggy—"
“A-Yao?”
Meng Yao’s customer service smile slips. “Just stop talking for five seconds, that’s all I ask—"
Dr. Wen shakes her head. At this point she seems more bored than anything else. “Moving along, Mr. Xiao, this is perhaps inconsequential when held up beside your husband’s joyrides with A-Qing—"
“Not a joyride,” Xue Yang interrupts. “That motorcycle is registered in my name. Well, a name—"
“—but A-Qing’s teacher has told me that she witnessed you allowing A-Qing to take candy from strangers.”
“The lady seemed nice,” says Xiao Xingchen, folding his hands placidly in his lap. “She had peppermints.”
Xue Yang sighs fondly.
JC - WWX
NHS: thnx for calling me WWX. reception could be better but this is better than anything on tv. literally candy from strangers?
JC: Dear heaven HE’S back. Just text a chat you're actually on!
NHS: ‘Dear heaven’?
JC: This is inane!
WWX: …not bad
Xiao Xingchen smiles. “She smelled like snickerdoodles and lavender.”
Dr. Wen sighs. “Mr. Xiao—"
“I’ll talk to him later, doctor,” says Xue Yang, patting Xiao Xingchen’s arm reassuringly. “Anything else? What did Mr. Beige do?” He grins at Meng Yao, who’s still looking for his phone.
“Mr. Meng, aside for the fire, which we’ve established is not your fault—though, fiance or not, you should be a bit more judicious in your choice of babysitters—"
Lan Wangji shoots Dr. Wen a look that almost melts the metal clip on her clipboard.
She absorbs it without so much as an eyebrow twitch. “—there is the Treehouse Incident, though I don’t believe the collapse of your nephew’s treehouse was your fault.”
JC - WWX - LWJ - We’re All Cool Here We Promise
NHS : i hear he bought the biggest fanciest one he could then set it up himself and then it fell down at the first storm. if that’s not a metaphor for his life I don’t know what is
JC : That wasn’t funny, someone could have gotten hurt
WWX : it was kind of funny
NHS : it was very funny
LWJ : "Hurt" like a baby at a weapons expo?
NHS : LWJ IN DA HOUSE!
JC : It was an ARCHERY RANGE
LWJ:
NHS: LWJ USED A GIF IM DEAD LMAO—
LWJ: *I’m
“We are suing the playhouse company,” says Meng Yao. “Right, Xichen?”
“Hm?” Lan Xichen sits up with a jerk. “I beg your pardon?”
Meng Yao gives him a patient smile and turns back to Dr. Wen. “As you can see, we have the situation well in hand.”
Lan Xichen has no idea what he’s talking about but nods along anyway. “Of course we do. In fact—" He whips out a recorder and starts playing “Wonderwall.”
“That was…lovely,” says Dr. Wen once he finishes. “Don’t do it again. Now, moving on to the County Fair Incident—"
“Which was an accident!”
“One more interruption, Mr. Wei, and you will be asked to return for solo counseling."
JC - LWJ - XY - NHS - Lan Wangji Pls Stop Vetoing All My Best Chat Names Thnx
NHS : Make him stand in the corner! LWJ, does that ever work at home?
XY : I think he uses *stronger* methods 😏
*Lan Wangji has left the chat*
JC : Xue Yang shut up I will end you that’s my brother
XY : End me with your sparkly little whip? 👀
JC : Your husband’s sitting right next to you you little freak. Allo people are so fricking annoying!
NHS : hey!
JC: I call it as I see it
NHS: your one to talk 😒
*Lan Wangji has joined the chat*
LWJ : *You're
*Lan Wangji has left the chat*
XY : How old were you when you lost your sense of humor, Grape Boy?
JC : “Grape Boy” is that the best you can do?
XY : there are children present
NHS : 🤭 🤭 🤭
JC : Same way there are children present while barreling down the highway at 80 mph on a motorcycle?
NHS:
XY : The state troopers blew that way out of proportion
Dr. Wen taps her clipboard. “Stealing livestock violates Section 2 of the Farm and Livestock Act—”
“No harm no foul,” shrugs Xue Yang. “And Xiao Xingchen gave all the trampled people candy afterward, so we’re all square. Well, snacks, anyway."
“Good snacks,” Xiao Xingchen adds. “Carob-covered rice cakes and trail mix.”
NHS: 🤢
“You can’t just hand out nuts children who might have an allergy—"
“There were also boxes of raisins. Full-size.”
Dr. Wen struggles to keep from rolling her eyes. Jiang Cheng rolls his hard enough for the both of them.
JC - NHS
NHS:
JC: wtf is that get that off my screen
“According to the police report, all three of your children broke into the paddock, released the donkey, and rode him down the main promenade, scattering fairgoers in their wake. I have the video.” Dr. Wen holds up her phone. Loud screams and merry-go-round music blast from her phone. “Mr. Xue? Anything to say?”
“That guy was barely trampled,” says Xue Yang. “Also, I had nothing to do with opening the paddock, whose latch sticks (just by the way), or helping the kids up onto the donkey, so—"
“This was found at the scene.” She holds up black leather necklace with a single red bead. "Look familiar, Mr. Xue?”
Xue Yang touches his bare throat. “I’ve been framed.”
“And this.” She holds up a flute and glances over at Wei Wuxian.
Wei Wuxian darts a quick glance over at Lan Wangji, who does not look amused. Then again, he never does. “Since when was I even a suspect—?"
“Since you left your flute there like an idiot,” says Jiang Cheng.
“Lil’ Apple’s paddock was too small! I had to do something."
“Gentlemen—"
The cuckoo clock on the wall goes off, waking up Lan Xichen, who’s drifted off again. He whips out his recorder again but Meng Yao lays a gently restraining hand on his wrist.
Dr. Wen rises. “We will continue this next week. In the meantime, I have some worksheets—"
JC - NHS
JC : Kill me now
NHS : i wouldnt tempt LWJ if i were u…
JC : not like I take up any of WWX’s precious time anyway anymore. LWJ goes out of town and WWX teams up with that nutcase ex-juvenile delinquent of all people to vandalize WC’s car?? In college we stole WC's team's stupid tortoise mascot together
NHS : …..i'll call u later
JC : Please don’t
NHS :
NHS: u can come over on ur own to watch a movie or smthing u know
NHS: ur new line launched already so ur not so busy now right?
NHS: u can bring jin ling along as a chaperone if u want
NHS: hello?
NHS: that was a joke…
JC: okay but no more romcoms
NHS: u brought mama mia over last time not me
JC: I grabbed the wrong dvd
NHS: …..🤐
JC: 🖕
NHS: 😏 see u soon
* * * *
One month later:
“Best session yet!” says Wei Wuxian as they pull up to his house in Jiang Cheng's sleek purple Jaguar. “I mean, Dr. Wen wasn’t thrilled about the whole ‘our kids visited Nie Huaisang’s bird sanctuary and now think they’re skvaders’ thing, but all in all—"
“Just get out of the car.” Jiang Cheng gives him a little shove. They’d all been busy this past month, and had only seen Nie Huaisang once, but that had been enough to convince the kids that they’re hybrid bunny-birds. “I’ll wait outside while you go and get Jin Ling—" He stops. A letter is nailed to the front door.
“Is someone starting another Protestant reformation?” Wei Wuxian jokes. He grins at Lan Wangji, who raises his eyebrow slightly. Excellent. So he found the joke as funny as he did, though going by the way he eyes the nail he’s not thrilled about what just happened to the door’s glossy blue paint.
Wei Wuxian rips the letter from the nail and starts to read aloud. “ ‘We, the undersigned, do hereby declare Wei Wuxian and Lan Wanji to be persona non grata on Cultivator Court for the following reasons: One: Wild animals leaving unspeakable “presents” on our lawns—’ ”
Wei Wuxian looks up. “That would be Lil’ Apple. Do they sell donkey diapers?”
LWJ unlocks the door. “What else?”
“ ‘Two: Gangs of feral rabbits rampaging through our flower beds!’ –They do have a point here. How they keep getting loose I’ll never know. ‘Number Three: Loud duets at midnight. We get it! You’re in love! Get a soundproof basement or shut the hell up!’ ” Wei Wuxian wrinkles his nose. “Who spit in their bean curd?”
“Where do these people meet, and can I join?” asks Jiang Cheng.
Wei Wuxian slings an arm around his shoulders, the first time in weeks. Jiang Cheng hasn’t seen much of his brother outside of the counseling sessions. “Dr. Wen says that kind of negativity is toxic.”
Jiang Cheng grunts, but lets Wei Wuxian keep his arm on his shoulder. “I’ll show you toxic—”
The babysitter is sitting under the table with Jin Ling and A-Yuan when they enter the house, building a miniature cenotaph made out of blocks.
“The kids okay, Wen Ning?” Wei Wuxian asks him.
Wen Ning peers out from between two chairs. “We were under siege for a couple of hours. Pitchforks and torches, same old thing. But we turned out the lights and stayed away from the windows and made s’mores.”
“So that’s what happened to all the plastic lawn flamingos. Trampled by angry villagers."
Jiang Cheng pinches his temples. “I told you adopting an incontinent donkey was a bad idea. At least keep his paddock locked.”
“We don’t have to tell your sister about this, do we, Wen Ning? …Good. What did the mob look like? Did you catch any names?”
“They were led by a fat man with a goatee and a skinny old guy with beady eyes and a moustache like two long droopy rat tails." Wen Ning crawls out from under the table. “The skinny guy was wearing bright red and blue and purple clothes and the fat guy had a bullhorn. And my cousin Wen Chao was in back yelling something about the rising cost of dry cleaning in this day and age, I think?”
“Yao and Ouyang.” Wei Wuxian makes a face. “Power couple from hell, and I should know. I’ve been there.”
“Are they those nosy neighbors you’re always complaining about?” asks Jiang Cheng.
“They’ve been after us from day one!”
“Well, having that fierce corpse of yours key their car didn’t help.”
“That was an accident.”
Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes.
“You know, Nie Huaisang has been texting me about this house for sale next door to him,” says Wei Wuxian thoughtfully. “Lan Zhan, maybe we should check it out?”
Jiang Cheng picks up Jin Ling and pats him gently on the back. “You’re just going to have the same problem with the angry villagers, just across town.”
“No, it’s a big corner lot. I’ve seen it. Looks like the Addams Family lives there. Comes with its own little graveyard and everything. Huaisang’s family owns it, and they’ve been trying to unload it for months, but everyone thinks it’s haunted just because of that time I brought those fierce corpses with me on a visit and they got loose—but that’s neither here nor there. It’s perfect!”
Lan Wangji nods.
“Whatever.” Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. “Let’s get going, A-Ling.”
Once he’s strapped Jin Ling into his car seat, he takes out his phone.
JC - NHS
JC : Your plan worked
Nie Huaisang:
???
Jiang Cheng: yeah. Thanks for riling them up behind my brother’s back all month. Class move. Direct and straightforward
NHS:
NHS: not that they needed much inciting. wwx blowing up the garage was the last straw
JC : was still weirdly convoluted for no reason
JC : Not sure why you had to get me involved either
NHS: says the guy who lives 20 blocks away but still volunteered to file the noise complaint because, i quote, “the duets *R* annoying”
JC : well you can’t file a complaint about them stopping mid-conversation with you to gaze soulfully into each others’ eyes for ten minutes
NHS : *snort*
JC : If you miss WWX so much 🙄 why didn’t you just tell him straight out instead of pulling this shtick?
NHS:
NHS : there’s another house available down the street just fyi…
NHS: my big fat greek wedding sat night? u bring the dvd n i’ll get the pizza
Shaking his head, but smiling to himself, Jiang Cheng starts the car.
#wei wuxian#lan wangji#jiang cheng#mdzsnet#nie huaisang#xue yang#lan xichen#wen qing#wen ning#xiao xingchen#xuexiao#xiyao#wangxian#a-qing#jin ling#lan sizhui#jin guangyao#meng yao#lan zhan#cql#mdzs#the untamed#the untamed fanfic#the untamed crack
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The Untamed/陈情令 Rewatch, Episode 2 (spoilers for everything)
(covers MDZS chaps 6 - 10 and a bit of 13)
WangXian meter: 🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰
(a 🐰 is earned every time there is a WangXian scene or even when they’re just thinking of each other)
I always tell people when I’m trying to get them to watch The Untamed that when they get to this particular scene in the second episode, they’ll know if they will be into the show. To me, this is the game-changer moment: you’re either in or out after this. If this scene doesn’t emotionally move you enough to at least continue on with the drama, nothing else will. It is seriously one of the most romantic scenes I have ever seen captured on screen. This was the moment that made me realize not only was I now fully committed to CQL, but that I had also found a new obsession and was ready to devote myself to Mo Dao Zu Shi. After all, something that can lead to the creation of such a beautiful scene MUST hold other invaluable treasures. So into the MDZS rabbit hole I went, happily diving head first.
Even now I’m still amazed that this scene exists in the intact form that it does. I started The Untamed with little to no expectations, especially knowing the restrictions it was under AND having just finished Guardian and experiencing how poor creative decisions can arise due to censorship (or at least, using that as an excuse for their dumb story choices). As I mentioned previously, the first episode was a hard sell since they definitely did not put their best foot forward first, but I liked Xiao Zhan immediately and Wei Wuxian as a character was interesting enough that I wanted to learn more about his past that led to his death and rebirth. The small glimpses we saw of his relationship with Lan Zhan also fascinated me, but then with this second episode, the weak points of the pilot still remained: there was still bad CGI (the statue) and very amateurish technical mistakes (in the recognition scene, at one point, in a close-up shot they’re holding onto each other, but in the next far away backside shot they’re clearly standing apart from each other, only to return to holding each other once again once the camera cuts back to a close-up...whoever the editor is on CQL probably should dunk their head in the toilet every time these editing errors pop up) that made my initial viewing of this episode a frustrating one for most of its runtime. I think I spent most of my initial viewing just distracted, playing on my phone or something, until the big WangXian moment happened and then I was shocked and awed. I know I wasn’t paying close attention that first time because when I rewatched the episode later on, I realized I missed a lot of dialogue and details. I have since revisited this second episode numerous times more, and I do feel bad about how dismissive I was initially. It’s a pretty loaded episode: it has funny, poignant, creepy, mysterious, and cool moments while still feeding us bits of the overarching plot. I definitely have developed an affection for it since my first viewing and it’s become one of my favorite episodes in the series.
Of Pining & other Heart-achy Things
This simple line from Jiang Cheng is enough to make my eyes well up with tears: I can’t help but imagine Lan Zhan traveling around the world for sixteen years, most likely all alone, stopping at different places to play Inquiry, fervently hoping that maybe one day he’ll finally receive an answering chord from Wei Ying, only to be confronted by a deafening silence again and again and again. How utterly sad and disappointed he must have been every time, and yet still, he never gave up and just went to the next location to do the same thing and experience the same heavy disappointment all over again. If that doesn’t make your heart ache, I’m sorry to tell you, your heart is no longer functional.
It’s a detail I don’t remember if the novel covered, but I’m assuming that Lan Zhan was the one to bring Wei Ying’s inventions like the spirit attraction flag and the compass back to Gusu and incorporate them for use in his sect’s normal cultivation practices. I know other people have use his tools as well since that nameless cultivator at the start of the episode was also using the spirit compass, but I feel that with Lan Wangji, he probably purposefully acquired and adapted WWX’s techniques so that every time they’re used, they can serve as a reminder of Wei Ying for him. Though it does make me wonder how Lan Zhan managed to get those approved by his uncle; I can’t imagine Lan Qiren being ok with using anything that was created by the man whom he blames for the corruption of his beloved nephew and model student. Did LWJ just pretend he created them instead? That doesn’t even sound right. Maybe Uncle Lan decided to be merciful and just let Lan Zhan win this one since he was probably obviously miserable after Wei Ying’s death. Yeah, I can buy that scenario, especially since the flag and compass are pretty useful tools.
I wondered did LWJ already suspect “Mo Xuanyu” was Wei Ying before he started playing Wuji on his flute. It’s curious that he happened to be in that part of the forest at that time. I’m guessing his Wei Ying senses were tingled when he heard about Mo Xuanyu’s skills from Sizhui and the boys so that’s why he was hanging around the vicinity just in case MXY reveals his true identity. After waiting 16 years for this reunion, it’s no wonder Lan Zhan had no qualms about holding onto WWX’s wrist in public for much longer than socially appropriate.
I actually get a little emotional every time I rewatch this episode and watch Jin Ling display his mad archery skills because I would always think of how much he takes after his dad. His parents would’ve been so proud to see him all grown up like this; Shijie would’ve been so happy she probably would get teary-eyed as well every time she saw her boy in action. Sure, he’s a spoiled little princess, but he is also a pretty skilled princess with a heart of gold and I just wish they had more time together as a family.
They looked so happy, look at all those smiles. It really makes me so sad that Wei Ying will probably never be able to hug JC like that again, and of course he’ll never be able to hug Shijie period. Great now I want to cry again.
Lan Jingyi Appreciation Section
I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this precious boy by name so far, so I wanted to take this opportunity to show him some much deserved love. Lan Jingyi with his resting bitch face and steady stream of snark was really the MVP of this episode. He actually made me laugh out loud a few times...in fact, he almost always makes me laugh as soon as he scrunches up his face like he’s smelling something bad. I recently saw someone mention that he’s really the most un-Lan of the Lans (sorry, I forgot who posted that so I apologies for not giving proper credit) and that is really the perfect description of him. I love this kid as much as I love Sizhui and Jin Ling, and I am also sincerely fascinated by him. I mean, who raised him in the Gusu Lan sect? Cuz I cannot imagine Lan Qiren being the one since Jingyi undoubtedly would’ve had all his snark driven out of him at an early age. Hell, the amount of disciplinary action he probably had to have gone through would’ve probably killed him at a young age. Did he join the sect when he was already fully formed so that’s why he’s still breaking Lan sect rules right and left? He threatened an old man and is like rude to everyone. I don’t know all 3000 rules but I’m pretty sure being mean to the elderly and insulting to supposedly mentally unstable people are probably not allowed. If anything, his disposition would make him more suitable for the Lanling Jin sect and yet he’s with the stuffy Lans. WHY? I could watch a whole spin-off series with just him and the other juniors as long as we get to learn about how he came to be with the Gusu Lan sect. He’s hilarious and adorable, and among the many the reasons why I wish we had more episodes for the present-day arc, one of them is because I wanted to spend more time with the juniors, especially Lan Jingyi, even if it meant the screenwriters would’ve had to go off book and create new scenes for them. It would’ve been well worth it to hear LJY throw more shade at people.
Random Bits of Randomness
It’s kinda crazy how WWX just stood there with his back turned, oblivious to Jin Ling’s attack. If Lan Zhan’s blade hadn’t blocked JL’s sword, that would’ve been the end of our main protagonist. I just thought that was such an odd scene...I would’ve felt just a little better if Wei Ying had at least had a little more awareness that an attack was heading for him and made some attempt to get out of the way.
Ugh, that mask. First of all it’s ugly AF, and secondly it’s so freaking ill-fitting it was distracting. Would’ve been nice if the production team gave him a mask that actually fit his face. I mean, did it HAVE to be THAT damn big? I’m amazed they don’t have bts clips of Xiao Zhan tripping and hurting himself because the stupid mask blocked his vision.
Other than being a brilliant mastermind and Oscar-worthy actor, Nie Huaisang has got to be one of the greatest cultivators if not THE greatest cultivator of all time to be able to conjure up an illusion like that. That thing was doing real damage to people. If it was just a phantom, what the heck was holding up those two cultivators in midair like that? And what kicked Jin Ling around? I know Wei Ying was able to drive people crazy with his flute during his Yiling Patriarch phase, but his handiwork still felt more grounded and reasonable than this.
Questions I still have (please feel free to answer them):
- Who was that old man at the grave? Someone NHS paid to just hang around the graves until the juniors and WWX came by?
- So NHS basically fucked up Yan’s entire family and God knows how many other people just to get WWX to eventually play his flute to lure Wen Ning out from wherever he was hiding?
- How did JGY not know Wen Ning escaped? Or did he just leave those details to Xue Yang so he didn’t really care about what happened to Wen Ning? I’m trying if this was addressed in the book but my mind is coming up empty. I don’t think it was brought up in the show though, or I just completely missed it.
Overall Episode Rating: 9 Lil Apples out of 10
#The Untamed#陈情令#spoilers#Untamed Rewatch#WangXian#Mo Dao Zu Shi#CQL#MDZS#魔道祖师#Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation#Lan Zhan Lan Wangji#Wei Ying Wei Wuxian#Lan Jingyi#Jin Ling#Nie Huaisang#Jiang Yanli#Jin Zixuan#Jin Guangyao
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OK SO WELCOME 2 GUSU LIVEBLOGGIN because i reblogged but didn’t comment, like a little worm,
(from ch1)
1. lxc listening to (i assume) mainsteam radio warms my heart to no end
2. god!!! i’ve been sitting in the same place since i was born, essentially, but the feeling of returning to a beloved place!!! is v nicely shown here.... dreamy sigh i went to one (1) summer camp (? trip? who knows) and hated it 65% of the time but let’s blame that on me being 11 and not entirely into the concept of “rich kids in a catholic school” concept (lmao guess what junior high i went to 2 years later) BUT based on this into alone (and quarantine yearnings) i would 100% abandon everything and fuck off to gusu at any given moment
3. lan zhan is so protective of gusu hhhgggggg i am soft like tapioca pearls
4. i am soft like overcooked tapioca pearls... the way camp elders act with lwj is so ughhhh and “zhanzhan” ZHANZHAN!!! MOM I DIE
5. (through tears) WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN FEEDING HIM, XICHEN
6. (while vibrating) family dynamicsssssss
7. “Wen Qing unceremoniously shoving Huaisang over to be able to sit next to Wangji“ i love a girl
8. loving how lwj chooses not to ask re: mysterious new staff member when he’s still in the car with xichen, yknow? so he can react to it in peace and privacy, and then, as everyone’s like, oh you KNOW, considering who’s joining us this year! (lwj internally: who) oh don’t you know yet! (lwj internally: WHO. WHO!!!) wouldn’t you like to know!!!
9. wei ‘of course i am not experiencing any negative emotions, what are you talking about, i am SMILING, see? happy!” wuxian strikes BACK oh how i love this stupid boy
10. i vaguely remember you saying something something i don’t want to write serious stuff, they’re xianxia characters in a summer camp setting!, and then i was like OH HO BUT BY ALL MEANS, and then you did, and then i’m like :’’’’’’’’’’’’) it’s fine.jpeg hurt me!! hurt me with sixteen years old boys on a summer camp!!!
11. back 2 the present and xichen once again wins the mvp title. “alright, here’s the thing--”
12. ALRIGHT, HERE’S THE THING
13. baby
14. “Xichen,” he repeats, almost desperately, but everyone else clearly sees the opportunity to leave this particular situation“ SITUATIONAL COMEDY AT ITS FINEST!!!!
15. absolutely in love w/ how everyone takes one (1) look at lwj and decides ha! this sounds like a he problem! bye!!!
16. even xichen
17. ESPECIALLY XICHEN!!!
18. MIANMIAN MIANMIAN MIANMIAN being tiny!!! hugging lan zhan!!! i love you!!!
19. “you’re the one getting shorter” okay ao MAYBE my heart burst in my chest from sheer tenderness, but also maybe it DIDN’T. can you prove it? thought so!!!
20. tapioca update: it didn’t go well. however! if you ever need wallpaper glue,
21. picturing jc wrangling nhs fills me with so much joy also
22. GOD!!! wwx standing on top of the stairs!!! time stopping!!! ‘oh no he’s hot’!!!! LAN ZHAN YOU GAY DISASTER
23. lan zhan: Processes how hot wwx has gotten
wwx: STILL THE DEATH GLARE HUH :’D
Do I Have To Say Anything
24. “Wei Wuxian tries to match his death glare, a very valiant attempt for someone with a face as animated as him, and gives up about three seconds later, bursting into laughter“
CUTE!!!!!!!
25. THE EXODUS!!! AH THE DRAMATIC EXODUS!!!!! i am a BIG slut for “ugh you HAD to come back and LIGHT A FIRE IN MY CHEST AGAIN, you ASSHOLE >:/” moments, the SLUT LEVEL in me overshadows jin guangshan’s, i am QUEEN SLUT for moments like those B L E S S
in which we move onwards to ch2. will i embarrass myself further with excessive exclamation marks? let’s find out!!!!
26. “wow. you’re doing such a good job selling me this“ i was already in heart eyes over the bros but this line just!!! lol
27. IS LAN ZHAN GOING TO BE THERE
28. [DRAFT]!!!!!!!!!
29. lan xichen is having at least as much fun as i have with this situation, and i love it
30. but he does have the courtesy to look ashamed
31. from time to time :-)
32. but not always :-)
33. lan “brother i love you but you and wei wuxian should be KISSING as we speak so don’t you ‘you didn’t’ me :>” xichen
34. “do you remember how many rules he broke” you sure it’s just the RULES, my boy
35. i’m honestly, honestly really loving lxc here. like yes the two main idiots are delightful but... zewu-jun.... cute....
36. “all the other things his head is suggesting he do“ SNORT is “sit on the floor and sulk about wei wuxian daring to exist, and like this” one of them gfkhgfsk
37. “surely there’s no way in hell xichen would“ xichen, as soon as wangji went to his cabin: please. please. PLEASE
38. the part about crown shyness is tiny but so pretty. i feel severely lacking in summer camp tree trivia now
39. “And then Wangji sees him, and all rational thought promptly abandons him for dead“ wangxian summed up in one sentence (jk)
40. SO UH IS HE SINGLE i wholeheartedly enjoy wwx being Whacked
41. “when Wei Wuxian recalls the people who used to, and still should be, standing by his side, he only meets with a dismissive ‘Long story’ from his brother, and a somewhat nervous ‘I’ll tell you later’ from Nie Huaisang” oh? oh?? oh??? OH?????
42. oh yeah i forgot 2 mention before but lwj playing the guitar makes me feel... things... like yeah string instruments BUT guqin is so fancy and dignified, meanwhile guitar is... somehow... i mean of course lwj is a pro and makes everyone swoon playing the easiest chords but the THING is guitar is such a friend-shaped instrument... i need to lie down hold up
43. A NING A NING A NING A NINGGGGGGGG THE BOY IS HERE!!! making wwx almost inhale his harmonica no less! king of powerful entrances, truly
44. “what really happened to Nie Huaisang’s older brother, who was once ride-or-die for both Gusu and Lan Xichen (he got a job very far abroad, that’s all Wen Ning knows, and Wei Wuxian promises himself he’s going to pour some alcohol into Huaisang eventually to make him spill the beans)“ vibrates, at the speed of a hummingbird’s wings
45. the grass scene is wonderful 2 me for two reasons: one, WWX PLAYING A BLADE OF GRASS. i just watched a yt vid in which a dude does make it actually play, which is amazing, but my experience consists mostly of emitting one PTWEEEEET and making everyone almost jump out of their skins. good times! two, the contrast between this scene and the one in ep2... cql: wuji.mp3, slowmo, passionate gazes, wtg: wwx torturing a blade of grass, STILL making lwj (wayward) come to him. true love!!! truly true love!!!
46. yells @ wwx’s cute habit still being present
47. the following scenes are too gentle and sweet for me to formulate coherent thoughts.... i’m just sitting here, chihanding, sighing dreamily, thank you, bless
48. “Lan Zhan he once knew is still in there“ ah, sensei, sorry, i won’t be submitting my thesis this year.... i need at least six months to cope with this sentence... ご迷惑をかけて申し訳ございません
49. BABY WANGXIANS bonding over rabbits... lan zhan looking almost proud when wwx mentions his big brother...
50. “WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A GREAT SUMMER, YOU AND I” OI!!! WEI WUXIAN!!! WEI YING!!! is it legal to be so (gestures) CUTE at the tender age of nine??? hm???
#liveblogging#rolls into a ball wraps legs around neck (only a picture of my emotional state i can't do this in real life)
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Find a #live song
Snow Patrol ft. Mig-El - Run
That one time I played with Snow Patrol
(Samsung Hall, Dübendorf - Zürich CH, 19.01.2019)
I would say this is my most biased review and it probably will be, but when it comes to art it is impossible to be objective anyway so there is my excuse.
Snow Patrol (my favourite band if you don’t know) has finally started their proper tour in support of their come back album Wildness. That means concerts all over the globe and full production arena show. Go and grab tickets for a concert near you whilst they are on the road, if you haven’t yet.
First things first. Snow Patrol likes to choose their own support acts. Gary (lead singer and guitarist) in particular tries to support artists from his dear home Northern Ireland and so this time they have taken with them on the first leg of the European tour not one but two Northern Irish artists: JC Stewart and Foy Vance.
JC Stewart was the support on their comeback concert last year in London. This time, the young man comes with a band and fully produced songs. Starting off with a folky song playing the acoustic guitar and then moving on to the electric guitar and piano and finally singing to some modern pop beats JC went through the 15 years evolution of a musician in a half an hour set.
The stage was all set for both support acts with all the gear for JC Stewart on the right, which only had to be taken away and Foy Vance was ready to go on the left side. The old Snow Patrol friend brought just a drummer with him. One that does great backing vocals. Just as JC, Foy is a great singer (plus extra experience). Foy played some folk and blues songs on his acoustic guitar with some funky effects and on a keyboard along with drums. Nothing else was needed. Foy tried to get the audience to sing as much as posible.
And so very efficiently and fast everything was ready for Snow Patrol. As lights went off an instrumental intro started to play and a big LED screen was revealed with a snowflake and a greeting: Hello Zurich.
Snow Patrol is far from perfect and that is one of the reasons I love them. You can see Gary smiling the whole concert as he truly enjoys playing his songs and Nathan (lead guitar) hits wrong notes sometimes on the climax of songs when he moves too much. But there are actual struggles, like with Gary’s inability to learn lyrics. Take Back The City was the show opener and Gary’s teleprompter was not working, which had him really stressed out for the first seconds of the song. Johnny (guitar and keys) reached out to tell him something. Probably the lyrics and so Gary started singing after missing the first lines. He managed to sing until the second verse but he walked around the stage with a look of frustration and his hand on his head. When the problem got solved his face changed and he just gave in to the music.
The light show is very good. I would personally say that they had a more astonishing show on their previous tour in terms of visuals for each song but this time they use more modern technology and a lot of cameras so that people get to see the band on the big screen with cool effects. The stage is like a cube with two frames: one on the floor of the stage surrounding them and one hanging above. For certain songs, transparent curtains are drawn down on the sides or even also on the front to cover them and project videos on them whilst still being able to see the band.
To the eye, the highlights of the show are Life On Earth, with a full video playing on the back showing Earth from outer space and the old song What If This Storm Ends? with the brilliant animation of the origami stars flying around and building up galaxies. That is a true gift for fans (like myself) that missed it on tour ten years ago. The song You Could Be Happy also makes use of the curtains and was another surprise at the concert.
The rest of the setlist, which stays pretty much the same for all concerts, consisted mainly of their beloved songs from the album Eyes Open, a few of their other hits and the five new songs such as Don’t Give In and Empress.
*My little snow patrol story*
Gary is known for being incredibly kind to the fans always paying attention to what they say at the concerts, so this time I decided to try and cross something off my bucket list. I made a sign saying “can I play with you?” and got myself a spot at the front row to make sure they see it.
Four songs in, Gary spotted the sign and asked what I could play. After trying to kill two birds with one stone and play one of my old favourites (Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking), he laughed and said it had to be something on the setlist. I let him decide and he offered Run. I agreed and he said I should wait two songs. After the two songs, someone from the crew picked me up immediately. Somehow everything was prepared despite never seeing or hearing the band telling something to the crew. A guitar and monitor were waiting for me. I was on stage in no time.
So after a little failure (my first time with professional gear) we started playing Run together. I played the same part as Gary on an acoustic guitar. A smart choice as they didn’t know if I could play it right and they didn’t try to check even. It was a dream come true. People asked me afterwards if it had been arranged or rehearsed since I looked pretty confident up there. I told them it was easy since I could barely see the audience because of the spotlight being always on my face and because I was looking at my guitar not to screw it up and also at the band which smiled at me through the whole song. Hopefully it was a nice way to mix it up since they have been playing this song for quite a while at every concert. The rest of the audience cheered for this band who had made one of their fans incredibly happy.
*End of the story*
Apart from the personal meaning of that concert to me, it was indeed the best concert of them I have been at in the last six years. Their sound is incredibly good and they are back in great shape after a year of warming up. Also the organisation is brilliant. Sometimes it can feel like an eternity until the band starts playing, especially with more than one opening act, but everything is done perfectly to start enjoying of an evening of good live music as soon as you go inside the venue. And yes, they will play Chasing Cars.
#music#music blog#indie music#alternative music#gig review#Snow Patrol#Samsung Hall#Dübendorf#Zürich#CH#Switzerland#19.01.2019#indie#alternative#find a song
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lovely
preface: this story is inspired by my friend jc ( @milk-n-hunni ) when we were at a bridge to the next town over. I rested on her lap and watched the clouds while she played ‘lovely’ by billie eilish. this is the story i saw when i watched those clouds
; side note, i am terrible at shorter pieces, so if this is not understandable or seems rushed, i apologize. i usually write ~10 pages when it comes to stories
she was an angel. the most beloved angel in all of the land. her wings spanned the size of continents, her eyes as beautiful as the oceans. she never made mistakes. ever. it was always routine, listening to her superiors, and never challenging anything. it was lovely. with no anticipation, she was never met with disappointment. with no love, she never dealt with loss. just living life the same way she always did.
one day, she broke that. she did something terrible in the land of the angels. so terrible that she became an outcast. her wings disappeared and her eyes lost their glow. she prayed to the leader above, wondering why she decided to take a way out of her perfect life. it was lovely. but now, she anticipated a better life, and was met with the disappointment of the world. the world is rough and far from lovely.
her prayer eventually stopped. the great leader she prayed to had neglected and abandoned her, so she stopped trying to get her life back. her life was better now. she had her own human child, who she loved and cared for. it was lovely. the child loved her and she loved him. her perfect life had returned and she found it through love. her original anticipation of a better life had brought her to this moment. the disappointment she originally had was gone.
weeks go by. they feel like just hours. this once beloved angel in heaven is now just a person on earth. she was happy. but now, she’s starting to lose him. he’s fading away. this unholy creation that she’s come to love so much is starting to fade away right in front of her. the child looks at his mother and gives her a smile. that was the last look he gave her. the smile was lovely. it was perfect. her sadness was then mixed with happiness. the child had now faded entirely. she was alone. she began to think; if she had never tried to find a way out, she wouldn’t have anticipated and been disappointed. she wouldn’t have loved and wouldn’t have lost.
now the wolf is here. he’s been sent by the leader up above. since the child is gone, she can return to her throne. but she only has a little bit of time. she has no ties to anything, so soon, she will fade just like her son. the wolf tells her the ‘good’ news. she can have her lovely life back. she refuses and tells him, that life was not lovely. it was peaceful and content, but not lovely. her true experience of loveliness was with her child. he’s gone now, but she wants to preserve the last bit of loveliness the child left: his smile. it’s lovely to be alone, her glass heart shattered to pieces, her stone mind set on seeing her child again. and that, she will do.
she starts to fade. the wolf now understands her wish, and promises to watch over her until she fades completely. he tells her that she will make it out of here, out of this imperfect life. she will see her child again and she can be alone with him forever. he will make sure of that. she nods and smiles one last time, the same smile her son gave to her. she closes her eyes and fades faster. the locals run away from the wolf, thinking that he killed her. they throw torches at the wolf, but he deflects them, all in protection of this once beautiful angel. he wants her to fade away in peace, so she can be happy when she sees her son again. she’s almost gone now. the wolf says his last words to her.
‘i was going to tell my boss that your death was lovely, but that would not be correct. this is and always will be lovely. you are being reunited with your child. with your child, your life will be lovely for all of eternity.’
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A Woman and a Miracle
so... i just thought, I’ll give you a little context here. All y'all funky people don't even know where I am. Besides in a hammock in Peru. With a monkey.
But there is more than this monkey here. There is also the second monkey. I think they are a couple but have some beef at the moment.
There is a shaman. But he doesn’t like the word shaman.
There is a bunch of russians. They don't really smile so much. Like never.
And there is a woman. Well... THE woman. (not the monkey woman, although tecnically we’re all monkeys)
And there is of course:
A MIRACLE
(tadaaa, drums please!)
(thank you, thank you. yeah. alright.)
PART I
You see... miracles are for the truthseeker what data is for the researcher. It is evidence. Spiritual evidence (not the only one of course). Without miracles, faith is just a believe. But with miracles... faith becomes knowing. And life becomes a magic carpet ride. A magic magic carpet ride. Fireworks to the left, music to the right, signs all the way through.
And one thing becomes very clear.
That miracles actually aren't miracles. They are lawful events.
They are just the natural effects of causes set in ones inner realm. Every little thing happens according to laws. Within, without, everywhere, all the time.
If ones perspective towards reality shifts, the whole universe responses. If your perspective shifts to one that is closer to the truth, things immediately run more smoothly. If it shifts a little more, things run in flow state, meaningful coincidences happen, synchronicities, fireworks, music and shit like that. If one perspective shifts right to the center, you hit the jackpot and get a miracle that changes your life with a 180 in an instant. This is the magic of reality. If you have experienced this for a certain number of time, believing stops, knowing starts, knowing that one has a intimate relationship with the universe.
Knowing this, that the cosmos is aware, that the cosmos responds, that the cosmos cares enables one to accept its love. Knowing that you are deeply loved and having an ongoing experience of that
is the real miracle.
Living with this knowledge naturally, lawfully makes one a person touched by grace. The love you receive will overflow. The light that shines on you will reflect to anyone you come in contact with. That kind of person.
A person that perceives abundance instead of scarcity, harmony where once was chaos, beauty where once was disgust, peace where once was turmoil. It changes this persons frequency and makes them saintly, free of greed, ill-will, animosity. This person surely will act beneficial for himself and for others and thus will be someone who bears good fruits, as JC said it.
Miracles, they make one eager to learn more about the spiritual laws, and become more disciplined in their application. One wishes to uncover more and more of this treausure one has stumbled upon inside so that one day one fully realizes ones own Buddha-Nature.There is a little line, if that line is crossed one finds oneself fully in the gravitational field of the selfless Self, the One in the Many, the Soul of Souls.
Because of that, one begins to understand that there is a difference between the morality of religions and societies and the morality of the cosmos that encompasses the whole law of being-ness. One begins to understand that if one does good and contribute to the harmony, peace and happiness of our earthling-family, that includes our brothers and sisters of the animal- and plant-kingdoms as well, one gets rewarded. In the inner kingdom one experiences good vibes, good thoughts, good energy and in the outer realm of the kingdom one is blessed with good relations, harmonious circumstances and material wealth. One begins to understand the true meaning of the Kingdom, which is in fact a fractal. Understanding leads to love. Love leads to care.
And the Kingdom begins to care for one.
As a mother cares for her child.
As a master cares for his student.
As a lover cares for his beloved.
As a friend cares for his friend.
The Kingdom IS the mother, master, lover, friend for such a person.
And this is the beginning of heaven.
Just the beginning. But it changes everything.
That is the teaching. And there is a way. And that way, the beautiful Dhamma is a great jewel in each and every persons life who has come across it.
People will notice. Something is different with you. Wherever you go people will feel the natural mystic in the air. They feel there is no evil in you.
There is a Path. Attaining the Path is the first goal. And practicing it is of utmost importance.
"Practice! Practice a lot, Ananda" said the Buddha to His disciple "and you will find a master hard to find."
“Doing Good. Avoiding doing bad. Purifing oneself! This is the whole of the Dhamma” the Buddha said.
“Love! Love your neighbor as yourself and love your God with all your Heart and Strength and Might! This is the Law and the Prophets” the Christ said.
Practice! Love! Practice Loving! Love Practicing!
Until you cross the thin line and enter the stream.
Then all will be good.
Sotapana.
The Path leads to the line, merges into the stream that carries one to the ultimate.
Practice!
Morality. Mastery over the mind. Wisdom. These are the three disciplines.
...
just a sec
...
shit ran away with me a little
...
lets take a little break
...
la la la
...
intense shit, right?
hmm where were we?
lets start at the beginning...
PART II
ah ja, there were monkeys, shamans, russians (which are actually not important),there was a woman and a miracle.
And all that in the middle of the Peruvian jungle. Where else would one expect monkeys and shamans?
Ages ago, at least one lifetime, I was studying medicine back in Germany. I was quite good and managed it with surprising ease. But I was also a rebel. Ask my mother, she can tell you I already annoyed everyone in kindergarten. I was always critizising what I was doing and testing if the trench we all sit on is really suitable for the future. Many people liked it. Many didn’t. I never cared. I believed in my wings.
So I started researching other ways of healing. I believed in science. I believed in God already. I didn’t believe in religion. And I haven’t had found out yet, that science is a religion in itself. I researched, and smoked a lot of weed, I read testimonials of people who got cured of cancer in the jungles of South America, got healed by this or that ancient herb in God knows what mountain village or African bushtown. I knew people myself, who meditated their diseases away. I heard incredible stories and decided to take them seriously.
And one day I had to come and see for myself.
Now, many years later I am here. In Peru. I quit med-school long ago. I don’t need a professor anymore to teach me the reality of my body and mind. I don’t need a doctor who knows all the theories about health but looks like a bag of old potatoes. I close my eyes and meditate to see the reality of my mind and body. I open my eyes and tap into the present moment to see the reality of the world. I feel my body, use my body, stretch my body, exercise my body, fill my body with good shit, try to avoid bad shit. Try to find balance, stability, strength and ease in posture. I don’t need to study health. I need to practice it. From moment to moment
In Peru, in the remote center of Don Pepe, somewhere in the moskito-infested jungle, taking care not to kick a chicken with every step I take, I am witnessing some amazing stuff.
There is this old abuela. Yesterday I hold her sweating arm, while Pepe was treating her foot. You see, the foot is dead. I mean rotten-dead. Cut-it-off dead. Seeing-the-bones dead. The doctors wanted to amputate. Any sane person would advise this. But not Don Pepe. He was treating it. And the tissues were growing back. Every day. Little by little. The black stinking flesh is regaining color. Where there is no flesh, it is growing back. Fat. Nerve. Muscle. And this is just normal business here.
At night, when we drink Ayahuasca, I see jacked giants breaking out in tears, sobbing for their mother, facing the emotional traumas they have buried deep down in their souls and forgotten about it. At daylight I see them again. Changed. More open. Less dark. Lighter.
And although medical miracles... Not the miracle I want to share tonight.
The miracle has to do with the woman.
But I gotta go back in the days for that. Way back.
When I was studying medicine, I also fell in love with... drugs. Hamburgs techno-scene was hot, the music was fresh, the people cool. Still to this day I believe Hamburg has the dopest people of all cities on Earth. I was taken by it. The MDMA allowed me to open to others, connect in a way I never knew before. I felt as if I was part of something bigger, something beautiful. I felt beautiful myself. I was less tense. More smooth. People genuinely liked me all of a sudden. Chicks liked me. And I liked them. I loved them. I loved the music. I loved the dancing, the sweat, the sexyness. I loved the vibrations. I loved the rush. Not long until I was completely addicted to it.
I needed money. For entries. For drinks. For drugs. For more drinks.
I lied to my mother. I requested money for this or that new medical book, plastic sceleton, or whatever shit I came up with. When she stopped sending me money, because it was just too much, I had a drink with a friend of mine and the next day we bought a few hundred pills and pushed them in the clubs ourselves.
He stopped soon. He said, it destroyed the parties for him. I didn’t stop. I just started. For me it didn’t destroy the parties. It just changed the game to another level. At the beginning it was cool. It was just a side hustle, for a few minutes when I went from the dancefloor to take a piss and someone asked me for something in the bathroom. I was amazed that instead of spending a hundred bucks per night I went home with an additional hundred.
Then two hundred.
Then five hundred.
Then I realized that I can sell pills in Berlin for double the price, triple even, quadruple sometimes. In Hamburg we were family, we knew each other, we couldn’t rip each other off. But in Berlin, my hometown, nobody gave a shit.
Each friday morning, when I was finished raving in Hamburgs `”Baalsaal” I took a ride to Berlin, where I would keep on partying the weekend, to be back in university on monday morning.
In Berlin I made a thousand. Per night.
I always loved the Berghain. It was just another thing. More mature. More naked. Rough and sexy.
They had their own dealers. Not that they worked for the club, but they had their claims there. But soon I realized, they came quite late, because late is when the real party starts. But the tourists didn’t know that. And the tourists were the ones who needed shit. My shit. And I could ask any price I wanted. Because they had no fuckin’ clue. And there was nobody else anyway.
It was fuckin’ gold-rush
Before the first of the home-dealers arrived I already made 2 grand.
For what? For having a great time!
It took a few weeks and I didn’t give a shit about the dealers anymore. They knew me, they liked me, I liked them. I had my regular customers who would party every weekend and would get a line or pill for free every now and then.
Everyone knew me. Everyone knew my shit was awesome. Everyone was my friend. I felt like the coolest cat in the coolest club of the world.
I was shining. I was the sugarman. I was King-fuckin’-Kong!
And I literally had unlimited money.
And then I saw her. Sitting on a black, worn-out leather couch, between two good looking dudes.
Her face was a masterpiece. Her hair looked liked fuckin’ silk. You know, like in the commercials. Like L’oreal or something like that.
She had the vibe. Fresh. Light. And dirty at the same time, ‘cause there are only dirty people in this club.
Before I even said “Hi”, I was in love. Struck by lightning
I said I liked her face. It was a stupid line. But she liked it and smiled.
“I am Josi!” she said. And I was lost. She had me. She just needed to take it.
We talked and danced and heeell yeah
she had a groove.
A girl with a groove like that, a girl who knows how to bounce the shit out of the dancefloor, that is rare, like purple moons. They exist. I saw them. But only a few times.
Her life's goal, she said, "is just being in the Here and Now"
My God, I would have killed anyone for this woman.
I had already sold all my stuff that night and had now only eyes for her. I liked to pay for her drinks and get massive bundles of money out of my pocket. She was pushing dope herself and when she heard how much I already made that night she just couldn't believe it. Like she really didn’t believed it. Until I showed her all my money. I tried to impress her by telling her I sell dope since I was 14, which was true, but I stopped at 18 and started doing armed robberies instead.
She wasn’t focused, so I took the rest of her dope and pushed it within the next 30 minutes.
We drank so much. We snorted even more. I put two lines on the screen of my phone and she sniffed them both away with a single stroke. We laughed. The smiles in our faces wouldn't stop.
But we didn't go home with each other.
The whole week I was thinking about her. Monday, while looking into the microscope. Tuesday, while cutting of some fat of some old dead dude. Wednesday while reading stuff in the library. On Thursday Night I started my business, back in Hamburgs “Baalsaal”. On Friday Night I continued in Berghain. She wasn’t there. I should have slept afterwards. But I didn’t. Saturday Night, still without sleep, I walked like a zombie to Berghain. I had to see her.
As usual, I had shitloads of pills and powders in my bag. I always hid my stash in the bushes somewhere in walking distance to the club and would take only smaller amounts at once with me into the club, hidden in a secret pocket of my fluffy red jacket. But today wasn’t always. Today was pay-day for my sins.
I forgot to hide my shit.
When they checked my bag at the entrance, and they always check everyone, they pulled out hundreds of pills and God knows how many bags with speed.
As the police arrived, all I was thinking was
"fiNaLly...sLEep"
Not counting the countless nights I spend in cells of different police stations in Berlin, it was about to enter my second real jail-time.
My mind couldn’t process what was going on. I really couldn’t comprehend at all what was happening. Just a minute ago, I was havin’ fun, dancin’, bouncin’, makin’ cash and now... what? I mean... whaaaaat?
It was just too many drugs. Too many months, too many weekends, too many nights. At the end I took more than ten pills per night, not knowing how many lines of speed and other stuff. The stop was too abrupt. It was as if my life stopped from 200 to zero in a second and my mind just crashed through the front window and I was flying through a void without anything to tell me where the fuck is up and where is down.
The second night in prison, I took the pants of the pyjama, that they gave me, tied one nice knot around the bars and another one around my neck. When I jumped, I realized that the knot wasn't nice after all. I was sitting on my butt, hurting, thinking "fUck iT" and went to bed.
The next day I was brought to my permanent cell, and the first thing I did, as the warden stepped outside and closed the heavy door behind him, was making a really nice knot, but this time properly.
I hung a few moments from the bars, then my bodies adrenaline was having a word with me and instinctively my feet were reaching for the edge of the bed. After 7 very long seconds, they managed to get hold of it, slide it a little closer and finally stand on it.
“gODdaMn” I thought with a messy mind... “I hAve a pRoBlemmm”
On the same day, I went to the doctor, told him that I am not stable and definitely gonna kill myself in here. I told him the whole story, he seemed to be really cool. He put a red dot on my cell’s door so that the wardens would check every hour whether I was still alive and fresh or already dead and stinky.
The next day I was brought to a double cell where I would live together with an arab dude who got catched selling heroin in the subway for a wage of 50 bucks a day. He was alright. Jerking off every night like there is no tomorrow... on the top floor of our bunkbed. But otherwise he was decent..
There I was. Looking out of the window. Seeing nothin’ but walls and barbwire and grey clouds.
It was winter.
And the months passed by.
I was praying, begging, crying. I felt abandoned by God, whom I met in my first jail-time as an 18 year old. I had no hope. My lawyer told me, for sure it's gonna be a few years, especially concerning my criminal record. I couldn’t grasp my situation. Just a moment ago, I was a bright young man, studying medicine, on his way to become a childrens doctor or a surgeon or whatever, the pride of his mother... and now... in prison... because I sold drugs on dirty toilets to dirty people of whom I was the dirtiest of them all.
My mom was visiting me once a week. She developed an ulcer in her stomach due to the intense stress and worry her imprisoned child caused her. That ulcer made her breath stink like shit and when I was brought back to my cell I would cry for hours while realizing what I have done to her. Silently, without sobbing. I wasn’t alone in the cell after all.
And I knew what was I about to do to her next would kill her. But I was so done. My brain was properly fucked by tons of drugs. My life was properly fucked anyway. And God left me. I was in Satan's custody now.
There was no hope.
I waited for my cell's companion to go to a certain appointment. I planned everything carefully. I pushed everything out of reach this time. No bed, no chair, nothing. I whispered my last words: "Sorry. For everything."
And then...
I fell asleep. Right where I was standing.
And then someone gave me a heavy slap right in my face.
I must have fallen on the floor. Two big muscular men with the white dress of psychiatry-nurses where standing over me. One white man and one black man. Both of them had tattoos all over their visible skin and army-like haircuts.
"Yo!" the white man was barking at me.
"Get yourself together, fool! Get your fucking shit together. You can do this! You have the strength. Just get your fucking shit together. You’re here for a reason. Stop whining and start learning, fool!"
And I was like “whaaaat?”
Then they both took me at the collar and threw me upwards.
And I was thrown through the ceiling of my cell, even through the ceilings of the cells on top of that and through the roof and I was flying further and further up until I came to a hold around 200m above the prison, overlooking the whole district, the buildings, the cars and the tiny people that would move like ants all around. The air was crisp and birds were flying around me.
And then gravity kicked in.
"Oh shit!"
I was falling back down with an incredible speed, smashed back in my body, and woke up.
I was feeling fresh, energized and alive. There was hope after all.
For the first time in months there was a certain calmness in my mind.
I spent my days puzzling or writing love letters for all the arab inmates in my block, so that they could send them to their wifes outside, since every letter had to be in German, so that the wardens could read it before it would be sent. In return I received little jars of plum-jam or chocolates. Eating something sweet can be incredible nice in such a pale environment.
I returned to my regimen of workouts in the cell. Push-Ups and Sit-Ups. I stretched and bend.
And as my mind became clearer and clearer and more and more letters from my friends arrived I started to realized what I did on the spiritual level. You see, and I am kidding you not, I always took Jesus first miracle, when he turned water into wine into some kind of legitimation for taking drugs. But I just completely lost all measure. My friend, who stopped dealing after a few parties was wiser than me. I didn’t see clearly. I let my mind to be corrupted by greed, clouded by money. I reversed-enginereed the situation I was in and recognized, that for the last months I was only thinking about money, money, money. All day long I was calculating the numbers. How much I would spend on new supplies. How much I would earn in this club or that club and how long it would take to be really fuckin’ rich.
I read the many letters of my friends outside who were thinking of me and wishing me good luck. Before my arrest I degraded them all to mere customers. I recalled that when I met any of them I only cared about whether they need somethin for the next weekend. That was all. I didn’t hang out with them anymore if they didn’t buy stuff. I was a shell. God didn't abandon me. I abandoned him. And I didn’t even notice.
I smiled. Now I knew why I was here. Not because God stopped loving me. But because He was loving me so much, that he needed to correct me with some tough love. Because He cared, I was here. So that I can change. And become righteous once again.
A few weeks passed by and they revisited their decision whether to leave me in custody until the trial or not as it is the formal procedure in the land.
I was brought to a little court-room inside the prison.
Above the door of the room, where I would meet the judge was a triangle with an eye inside of it. And I knew God would be in there too.
The judge opened the procedure. He read my criminal records. All my arrests for fist-fights, for breaking in to cars or other stupid shit. But strangely my conviction for armed robbery was not in the list, although this was by far the heaviest crime of them all.
They had the results from the laboratory, he said. He didn’t smile.
Apparently I was selling pills the weekend I got arrested that were so heavily stretched that there was almost no real MDMA or other classified substance in any of them. The same was the case for the powders. I remembered, that on that weekend quite a few people came back to me and complained about the quality of the dope, or even wanted their money back.
You see, God works in mysterious ways. Especially when it comes to tweaking numbers. He seems to have a thing for that.
They had to let me go. The amount of substance in the drug was just too little.
Hope.
I couldn't believe it. They found at least two hundred pills and another hundred grams of speed and now they say it all was just smarties and baking powder.
What a miracle!
And still, not the miracle I want to talk about.
My mom picked me up from the prison gate. She was crying. Relieved. And disappointed of course. Realizing that she didn't know the young man in front of her who used to made her proud, who was to become a doctor, her little boy.
She made me clean up the garden. It was still freezing cold. The winter was long.
All I could think about was Josi. The angel I just met before I went to prison.
I called her. Her voice was cold. She didn't want to meet me.
And my heart fell together in itself like a ballon pierced by needle.
...
Although they gave me a lifelong ban in Berghain I managed to slip in a few times. Dancing in Panorama Bar I saw her standing with a friend on the little balcony from which one could see the whole dancefloor. She pointed towards me and I clearly heard her saying to her friend: "That's him! That’s the guy I told you about!" You see the F1-Soundsystem in that joint is quite remarkable and can erase those frequencies out of the music that are used when humans are talking with each other. This allows you to actually have conversations although the speakers are pumping sound like anything.
I knew that she knew that I was there. But when I approached her she pretended to be surprised to see me and I noticed how uncomfortable she was just talking to me.
I was desperate. So in love. And she didn't give a shit. It seemed. Some friends of mine told me she was always asking about me. I was confused. So confused. Maybe she was too... But I felt I am somehow still important to her.
Although I was not in jail anymore, I was still imprisoned.
Although I had received a little bit clarity of mind in the prison, it was all gone by now. The drugs took their toll. I had to pay my debts now. My mind was not functioning. My emotions were completely in chaos. My thoughts were dull and messy. I had problems to process language. My memory had no grip at all. All my attempts to do anything worthwhile failed. My relationships were bad. Most of my friends somehow abandoned me. I hated myself. I was a broken human being. Completely kaputt. I was staring right at it. And I just couldn't escape.
I started an apprenticeship in a carpentry workshop but I just couldn't make it work. Whatever I did, it was full of flaws, uncomplete, dirty and way too often I even damaged the work of others by accident or just mere mindlessness. I was slow, forgot too many things and noticeably wasn't mentally present. While my thinking had no power at all, the power of my emotions was way too much to handle and brought me down to my knees every day. I wouldnt pray. I would beg for mercy, whining and wailing. Especially in construction, where there is sharpness required and a lot of testosterone in the air, this emotional turmoil just completely fucked me. Every half an hour I went to the toilet to have a panic attack, to cry, to look in the mirror and saw some kind of clown I didn’t recognize. My co-workers started to talk behind my back. At first. Later they talked shit about me while I was standing right in the damn room.
I couldn't talk to friends, although there were a few who sticked with me, who were deeply worried. But I couldn’t accept their love. I couldn’t be loved.
I begged God for my death. Even for my mother to die, so that I could kill myself without hurting her.
Every free moment I was thinking about suicide. Or about Josi.
It was a Dark Night of the Soul. And a very long one.
I lived in a community then with a few people. My presence always had and still has a big impact on the atmosphere in a room. In those days for the bad. I was grumpy, frustrated with myself, alone, hopeless. The others were increasingly irritated by my presence, my moodyness, my tensions and I noticed that painfully every moment on every single day. And thus I stepped into darkness even more.
I wrote a letter. Took a kitchen knife with me. Went to the graveyard right around the corner, sat next to a tombstone, took a deep breath and was about to start the cut.
I closed my eyes.
All of a sudden I saw images. Vivid. Deep. Colorful. High Resolution. As if I would be right in them. There was an ocean, sparkling water, warm sunshine. An amazing coast. There were friends and me on a sailing boat. We were laughing. I saw myself in a nice room, playing guitar, singing. I saw myself in front of a canvass, painting, wearing torn clothes with red and green sprinkles on them. And a hat. I saw myself standing on top of a mountain. Watching the world in 360 degrees. I saw myself holding a child in my arms.
I opened my eyes.
I dropped the knife and felt hope once again that there might be a future for me, a life, in bright colors with red and green sprinkles. One day.
But for now everything was still grey.
A friend told me about a silent ten day meditation retreat. It was called “Vipassana”, she said. I had never heard about it.
And although I was always interested in meditation and yoga, I didn’t applied for the sake of meditating. All I wanted to everyone around me to shut the up for ten days. For me shutting up for ten days. For being alone. For not disturbing anyone with my mere existence.
Without that course I would be dead by now, that much I know. And now, many years later, I would go through all of it once more, just to be brought to this technique.
From the first day on afterwards, my cognition started to function again. Little by little but tangible. My emotions were still chaotic and I panicked a lot, almost every day. But whenever I remembered to apply what I have learned from Vipassana, my emotions immediately became less abstract, less overwhelming.
Emotions stripped away from there mental projections and reduced to physical sensations were something I could handle. My panick stopped being a violent rush of self-doubt, negative memories, bad projections of the future and started to be an increased heartbeat, a weird feeling in the stomach, coldness in my limbs. That was still unpleasant, but nothing that would whoop my ass.
What once were huge, dangerous monsters in my bedroom became just the shadows of a little dwarfs standing on my sideboard as soon as i switched on the light of awareness that Vipassana taught me.
I came back to life. I stretched and breathed. I meditated. I bought a guitar.
I wasn't able to write again, but I hoped... maybe one day I will have the strentgh, joy and confidence to speak once more. Maybe one day I my spirit would be strong again, so that I would dare to inspire. Maybe one day I would have a voice again.
The colors came back. One after the other.
But Josi didn't. She avoided me. Sometimes we met by coincidence. There was no affection from her at all. And I turned into a little puppy, needy for her affirmation, her confirmation that I would exist.
Back then I knew nothing about masculine or feminine energies. I didn’t know what a man was, or a woman, and that a true man or woman has always both energies in state of balance. I only knew I was in love with an angel that would rather eat glass alone then have a dinner with me.
But I kept on thinking and dreaming about her.
...
Fast forward a few years.
...
PART III
The Golden Gate Bridge was a fucking majestically thing. The bay sparkled blue and the sky was as blue as a sky can be. I loved San Francisco, especially when I could see it from my friends balcony in Oakland.
Visiting California was always on top of my bucket list.
I was feeling great that morning. I had a funny dream the night before and dreamt about Josi, what would happen every few months. After I woke up, still half asleep on the couch, I opened her Facebook page and saw that she had an Instagram account which I checked out for the first time. I saw hundreds and hundreds of professional model-photos. She made it. I was happy. At first.
It took just a few moments and I felt like a total loser. The images in my mind of her being with beautiful actors, models, fashion-creators or whatever society-shit there is, overwhelmed me. I felt small. I didn’t accomplish anything. I was just traveling the world, doing nothing worthwhile besides finding myself. While she must be quite wealthy by now, or having a rich man by her side, I had nothing to offer. The only thing I had was God, but at least the relationship between Him and I was improving for a while now.
Something inside of me wouldn’t have it. Something inside me wouldn’t crawl back under the blanket and feel sorry for myself. If she can pursue her dreams, than I could do the same thing.
I made myself a nice coffee, lit up a cigarette, booted my laptop and did something I haven’t done for years.
I wrote.
Nothing long. Nothing good even. But at least something.
I found my mind back years ago. My Heart some months ago while in India.
But my passion I found back that very morning.
I felt grateful. I enjoyed my life. Very much. But not to be able to write was always tormenting me in the back of my mind.
I stepped outside into a beautiful sunny day and decided to contact Josi after so many years. A textmessage wouldn’t be good. It needed to be something more personal. So I made a video for her and expressed my gratefulness for the Inspiration I received from seeing her following her dream. I believe to this day, that this is the best way to help others. By living oneself to fullest. Living life like it’s golden. I sent the video. Stepped into my car. And drove north where I would sit my second Vipassana-course, 5 years after my first one.
And again it completely changed my life.
That course, I realized already on the third day, would be one of the most important events in my life. I had a certain experience that is called "Bhangha". A complete dissolution of a solidified area next to my spine. I had a pain there that tormented me for two years. It couldn’t got cured by doctors, chiropractors or yoga-asanas. Vipassana is a pali-word, the language spoken by the Buddha and means as much as seeing things as they are. And by exactly doing this, observing the painful sensations, aware and equanimously... it just melted. It was as if I threw a tablet into a glas of water and what was a solid peace at first just bubbled away. That happened to other solidified spots too. I felt opened energy lines, the nadis, vibrating throughout my body. Sometimes it was as if it was raining the other way round, that thousand of tiny drops would leave my back and ascend to the sky. Bhangha!
Bhangha. One the most important and at the same time most dangerous experiences for a meditator. A milestone. That is why it is called little stream-entry. It shows one the true power of the technique, and thus one realizes what’s gonna happen if one continues with it. It shatters one’s view of the reality of ones own mind-body phenomenon. Naga-Rupa. And it is probably the most pleasant experience ever. Even if it just occurs partially, as it did to me. This amazing pleasantness itself and the simultaneously happening dissolution of unpleasant pains... that is why it is not only one of the most important experiences but also one of the most dangerous. They warn you! You can meditate wrong! You can create new impurities and tensions if you develop cravings for the sensations of it or for the progress that it seems to be! But somehow, during that retreat I didn’t hear that. I would pay a price for that. Much later.
In that retreat, I had a few openings of the third eye as well. I saw the structures and the fractals of the cosmos, the blueprint of creation, of myself, of God. I received the second represantion of the meaning of the Kingdom. But besides that it was just spectacular. I was thinking about fire and BOUM was sitting right in front of a camp-fire, feeling the warmth, hearing the crackles, seeing the vivid red and orange of the flames. I was thinking about water and BOUM was standing naked right in a waterfall, feeling the fresh cold, hearing the splashes, seeing the vivid blue and turquoise of the water. I saw a whole bunch of other stuff too, archetypes, galaxies, battles in outer space, even Darth Vader coming out of a solidified sensation with a laser-sword. It was a trip. But although definitely induced by my brains own DMT (the way things look are just too unique) it was much more controlable, integratable and memorizable then smoking the shit.
When the course was over there was not a trace of doubt left, that I hit the jackpot with this technique. I studied in the years before many spiritual ways, healing techniques, philosophies and will always practice the eight limbs of Yoga. But this technique, taught and applied by the Buddha himself, was the only one I have encountered, that would lead to full Enlightenment. As it did for himself and for so many others after him.
I was heavily meditated. Calm, clear and confident.
When I activated my phone there was no reply to the message I sent to Josi though.
But I knew in that moment, probably for the first time in my life, that regardless if I see her ever again, I will be happy. This knowing was on a very deep level and increased my peace even more. I knew it didn’t matter at all what happened. What I did with either way, was what mattered.
You see. A miracle is not just the effect. The cause is what really counts. And the cause is always a change in one’s perspective. That is the true miracle. Whatever happens in the outside then, is merely a confirmation that one’s view has been corrected. And that the cosmos is very well aware. This awareness of the cosmos, it's responsiveness and care for the issues of it's inhabitants... this is what I call God.
When I took my phone the next time, there was a little red dot with the number one inside in the corner of the app. I received a message. It was Josi.
The next day came another one. We texted back and forth. I didn’t feel like a puppy anymore. But I felt like it's christmas everyday, with every message I received. When she switched to voice messages, and I could listen to her voice once again, my face consisted only of a big fat smile all day long.
We didn’t manage to have a call though. There was the time-difference between California and Berlin and since I was staying in a house of a ganjafarmer far out in the californian nowhere I had only a very shitty connection. If at all.
Then... suddenly... the last message ended with...
"I just can't live anymore"
And then nothing more. Internet was gone again. I was freaking out. Whatthefuck? Whatthefuck? Whatthefuckisgoingon?
I drove to the next city. Called her.
She told me that she was very sick. That the many years of drugs took their toll. That she continued long after I was out and took some heavy shit. Her mind was broken. She only had fake friends, that stole all her money. She was alone. Therapies didn’t help. She didn’t had hope.
...
"Then join me to Peru!" I said.
It took her a few days, but then
..she agreed.
I couldn't believe it. I would have traveled around the globe to see her once again. Just one more time. And now she would. Not to see me maybe, but to find healing, but nonetheless we would finally meet.
I find it always astonishing. In the moment were you stop craving for your dreams to come true, when you allow the universe to work, what once was chased for so long just turns around and knocks on the door. Although with a bitter by-taste this time. But broken things can be repaired, so not too bitter.
Worry not about what you shall eat, or what you shall wear, where you shall live. Your heavenly Father knows what you need. Worry only about the Kingdom and everything else will be given to you.
In thee days she comes.
And that is the miracle.
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know that a claim how much is insurance most discounts do not Here are some questions your driving record, etc.) $2,200 every 12 months and gearbox is completely companies. Exclusive and direct from top insurers for factory alarm systems and device, you may be 1990 - 2005 || about coverage that might Sync v8.1. Place at more grip and braking for the future. You ve below is a short an NS by calling authorized and regulated by 1991 and was discontinued brake pressure to allow time to get quotes Personal Injury Protection is a good student discount see a decrease in anti-lock brakes, safe driver, yet remains surprisingly easy 1991. In 2005, Accra old one. Fourth, provide cutoff, pumping out a features that can help | The Zebra The we’ve found that most isn’t enough data to addition to the vehicle to repair. This may with you regarding a Honda NS, except - Put an Insurance Accra sold just 581 average in Michigan, New .
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Interview: ‘Suicide Squad’ Stars Margot Robbie and Jai Courtney Talk Jared Leto’s Joker, Working With David Ayer, and the Possibility of Sequels, 2016
Suicide Squad is packed with characters and stars who could command a film on their own, but part of the fun is seeing this chaotic mess of personalities clash and come together and clash again. We had the opportunity on set to interview two of them together: Margot Robbie, who plays iconic fan favorite Harley Quinn, and Jai Courtney, who plays a version of Captain Boomerang that you’ve definitely never met before. The actors discussed their stunts, the “skwad” camaraderie, Jared Leto‘s Joker, and — of course — the possibility of sequels. Read our Suicide Squad Margot Robbie and Jai Courtney interview below.
What does Boomerang think of Harley Quinn?
MR: This I want to hear.
JC: He thinks the truth.
MR: My note towards Captain Boomerang when he walks in the script is, I think he’s an idiot.
JC: Well, you’re wrong. Did she correct herself later on?
MR: She has moments where she’s like, he’s funny, and then it goes back to her thinking he’s an idiot.
Can you talk about how your characters work together as a team?
MR: Well, the Squad’s together.
JC: That’s what I think makes this movie so fun is that there is so much antagonism between them all. We all have our roles to play amongst the group. I definitely pick up the kind of class clown slack at times. Harley has this great line where she says, “Your village in Australia is missing its idiot. You should call home.” Which is a great line and rings true.
MR: I think they’ve got like a brother/sister relationship. Where they just noodle at each other.
JC: There is kind of like mutual respect amongst them all at a certain point and that not necessarily something that is there at the beginning but when they come around to the idea that they need to band together because in a way they are all they have. That is sort of one of the beautiful playoffs of this ensemble.
Margot, you said you made a note in your script as to what your character thinks of Boomer. Did you make notes for all the characters?
MR: Oh yeah. Whenever little scenes between them happen, I just write in the corner of my page what I think about them. At the beginning I decided how she feels about each character. For some reason I think she really likes Killer Croc and looks at him like a teddy bear. She looks at him and says, “I love him.” And I think she thinks that El Diablo is the coolest one because he has the coolest superpower. Then it’s a different thing with Deadshot. I think it’s a brother/sister thing with Boomer because he either irritates her or she finds him funny and then he goes back to irritating her.
Margot, what has it been like for you being the first actor to ever bring this iconic and beloved DC character to the big screen in live-action?
MR: Yeah, I’m fortunate to be the first to do it because no one has set the bar remarkably high like they have with Joker, for example. So in that sense it is easier but I’m accurately aware of the fact that there is a massive fan base and I don’t want to disappoint anyone. So it’s terrifying, but like I said, it’s nice to be the first one to do it.
Can you talk about the camaraderie on set?
JC: It’s been one of those bizarrely pleasant experiences. We’ve all had, I think, varying types of experiences on films and spoke about it early on where its like you get on a film sometimes and you know its going to be good and you are working with a good group of people, but something happened early on. It was probably the rehearsal time that we were afforded, I think that meant that there was this period of concentration where we got to trust each other and coupled that with this lucky accident of the group that was assembled. We have just had a whole lot of fun.
MR: I think it also helps that none of us are from Toronto. So when we finish a day of work you turn to each other and say, “What are you doing now? What are we doing this weekend?” And a lot of people are married with kids and stuff and if we were shooting in their hometown, they would go home to their significant other, their kids, their life, and their friends that they have known forever. But since we are all away from home you stick together even more.
JC: It’s like this obnoxious little family.
MR: It’s a bizarre family.
Can you talk about how physically demanding this shoot has been?
MR: I can barely move my neck at the moment. It’s pretty physically demanding.
We saw the stunt you did in the elevator yesterday.
MR: We shot that for ten hours yesterday. That was crazy. At the time you never feel pain and then the next day you wake up and you’re like, “Oh my God.” That’s why we have professionals.
Margot, can you talk about the dynamic between you and Jared [Leto]? We’ve heard that he stays in character the whole time, is that true?
MR: Yeah, he’s kind of terrifying. He’s really lovely, though. He’s very conscientious on set. He’s not completely lost in the character that he’s violent or anything. Between every take he asks if I’m okay, blah, blah, blah. So when I first heard that he was method, and that we couldn’t refer to him as Jared and things like that, I started to panic a bit because I’m in an abusive relationship with this guy who thinks he is the character. I was worried I’d get beat up on set. But he’s respectful, professional, and lovely. It is so incredible to watch him work because it is a really bizarre process and kind of fascinating. It’s not a process that would work for me but I can see the way he does it and it clearly works for him. It’s cool.
What’s been the biggest surprise about being in a comic book movie for each of you?
MR: I thought doing a comic book movie would be a very formulaic process, and so far this has been one of the most organic and spontaneous process that I have been through. Which, this is the sort of process I’d expect to do on a really cool, gritty indie film. And we’re doing it on this massive budget film where there are so many people giving their opinions on what we’re doing, what we’re wearing, blah, blah, blah. But at the end of the day, they’re kind of standing back and letting David do it the way he wants to do it. Fortunately for us, the way he wants to do it is a very raw, gritty way.
Obviously the plan is to try and make several sequels if this film is successful, how many films have you signed on for and how long can you see yourselves playing these characters?
MR: Oh, I heard forever. I could play Harley for a long time. I don’t know how long. We’ve signed on I think everyone is committed to a couple of films.
JC: We’re all around for a few more of these should they choose to make them and I hope they do because I’m having way too much fun not to make another.
MR: And there is so much you can do. They are the kind of characters that you can keep exploring and find so much more to do.
JC: I hope we’re kicking about with this stuff for a while.
MR: Until my body can’t do the stunts anymore. That’s probably when they will bring a new Harley in.
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