#I wonder why a 14 year old girl would use her relationship to mom’s death

[awakefor48hours]

Katara: *brings up her mother’s death, someone who died in her place because of ethnic cleansing, less than 10 times in show about world-wide colonization*

Fans: Katara is SO ANNOYING. She brings up her mom’s death every three minutes and I wish she’d just stop.

[organic-guacamole]

episode 210 here we go

awww seb doing the intro

congratulations to milky white and her baby chocolate milk😌

seb is so funny

but seriously, clean up that milk fast or else it will smell so bad in there....

was that Lauryn just randomly doing cartwheels? idk any theatre kids irl but that seems like it's a common thing...

is it just me or has ms Jenn been getting more harsh to Ricky and Seb mainly-

like what did they do to her

no because I actually snorted with laughter at the "you came back" WHAT IS THAT VOICE-

AND THE MASK OMG

yeah so my throat hurts now

I'm dying over here

KOURTNEY'S FACE

SAME GIRL SAME

Ricky's fake death got the whole place in tears /s

he looks like an asthmatic walrus

Seb's on piano, I love

we all know if he was the beast we'd all actually be crying✋

ok but I listen to Julia's version of home on Spotify when I want to cry-

right so gimme a second

is Ricky scratching his face.....while he's dying?

"belle i-" *flop*

round of applause to Ashlyn for trying to make Ricky's earthworm seizure look less.... yknow

Kourtney's just dying there

WAIT IS THAT NATALIE

did she really just disappear for 9 episodes just to come back and stare dramatically into the camera

WAIT SCRATCH THAT SHES HERE TO MURDER ASHLYN AND RICKY

oh so Ricky's wearing a gay shirt now too

so that's the real reason why Rini broke up, see y'all next season when Gini and caswen become canon /j

wait that was a long intro scene-

what was that look Carlos-

TALK TO MY BOY OR ELSE

carlos' run is so funny to me

therapist Ashlyn to the rescue

"that is...super" son you good?

ms Jenn call Benjamin, he would willingly put his loved ones on a rocket and blast them into Venus for you....

maybe

"I don't want you kids to be disappointed" girl you do realise you're the one that's most invested in this?

"a smooth opening night" wasn't there just 1 show though-

like their opening night was closing night too

"I think I was Troy at one point" PLEASE THATS THE MOST ACCURATE DESCRIPTION OF THE SEASON 1 FINALE

me Jenn looks like a serial killer during that clap and I'm lowkey scared for zacky

"I have notes"

oo if you're taking suggestions, lemme get my list

"mother is freaking out" uhhhhhh

right....'mother"

"is everyone sitting down?"

*looks around awkwardly*

*big red slowly sits*

"no..."

please seb was the only one sitting-

does that mean Carlos looked at Seb as soon as he walked in and assumed that everyone else was sitting too or am I a seblos clown🤡

"is this about the transformation"

WOW MAYBE OT IS RICKY

WOW HES A DETECTIVE FOR FIGURING THAT OUT SO QUICK🤩

YO WHY IS NATALIE HERE-

she just shows up when it's convenient? is she gonna be at the sleepover too?

Seb's heavy swallow after Carlos shouts at him makes me so sad

"I never learned how to lie but I figure if I keep my mouth closed, I can't tell the truth" *nods and smiles at Nini when she asks*

why are they casually standing up all over the pizza shop, just sit at a big table and talk instead of blocking passageways and blocking off at least 6 tables-

"how about I invite myself" WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS FEEL THE NEED TO INVITE THEMSELVES TO ASHLYN'S HOUSE-

YOU CAN ASK BUT JUST FORCE YOUR WAY IN?

so Cash Caswell has a bigger house than... Dennis Caswell.... who would've thought

ah yes there's the good old EJ 1.0

Nini: "boys vs girls"

Gina: *looks devastated and glances longingly at EJ*

way to be inconspicuous

"but north high should be" *cracks her knuckles in the most uncomfortable way*

good for Ashlyn for getting more confident though

oo bossy big red

"i get bossy around the power tools"

is that why Ashlyn was holding up the drill in episode 8 orrrr 🤠

oh

Lily, leave him alone please

she's literally not blinking, is that what makes her creepy?

the diss at big red and his face afterwards is priceless

isn't that similar to what Gina's mom said to her in season 1? hmmmm

but seriously please don't try to redeem lily, let us have a character to hate, or to love because they're evil.

not everyone's a good guy.

"im not liked here and I don't know what to do"

let antoine finish his salad and it'll fix everything

"hug emoji" *gags*

y'all realize Lily's literally 14?

why is she calling a 16/17 year old from another school for personal advice-

"he gets weird around tools"

I shouldn't be laughing so hard

"deja vu maybe?" awkward silence

I'm dying here I love EJ so so so so much

"where's seb"

*cuts to seb being held hostage hoping that they'd notice he's missing and go look for him*

"don't ask"

"oh ok"

"100% real faux fur" as you should queen

sponsored by target

Kourtney is singlehandedly saving the entire show.

Seb making finger guns make me happier than it should

why is this kinda making me want to have a co-ed sleepover with my non-existent theatre friends

YES YOU DO NEED TO TALK/SING TO SEB CARLOS THANK YOU FOR KNOWING THAT

wait what-

you haven't talked to him all WEEK-

Carlos are you stupid /hj

Benjamin is so adorable I can't

he turned around to come back for her instead of going home. you're "what do you want Jenn🙄X act isn't fooling anyone Benjamin 🙃

10101

1+4+16= 21st?

they placed 21st?

or do I just not remember how to convert to base ten

GIRL DON'T BE RUDE TO HIM, HE'S GONNA SAVE YALL

no ms Jenn, the kids are not eccentric 35 year olds.

aww sebby

is he thinking that Carlos is only with him cuz he's the only other openly gay guy at school-

son you are a perfect little bean don't put yourself down

yes they all ship portwell as they should.

they'll be throwing risotto at the wedding.

not the chocolates. stop there are no chocolates. please stop I'm dying.

Gina you don't have to explain yourself to her

it was a misunderstanding and it's in the past

why is Ashlyn still laughing-

exactly it wasn't a big deal please just move on Nini

Kourtney really be out here saving everything

WHY IS ASHLYN STILL LAUGHING

why do I feel like when Gina finally told Ash about it, she didn't think it was that funny but wanted to feel included in the inside joke so now she brings it up randomly to show that she's in on it....I totally don't do that...

"idk, the farmer type" oh son...

Ashlyn and big red are just spilling the secrets back and forth huh?

OOO EJ AND GINA SITTING IN A TREE K-I-S-S-I-

cmon guys don't look at me like that-

"she is the best" and "we're buddies" don't sound right together

"pretty boy" "sweet boy" best ways to describe EJ

I love him.

and aw he's scared of rejection so he'll hold back just to keep her happy and not awkward how sweet

is Ricky wondering if letting her go(literally his song from last episode) was the best thing he did for Nini because he doesn't feel like it now? hmmm this is getting good

why is everyone so invested in Kourtney and Howie's relationship

PACK UP THE LAZY RICKY THING

oh yes Benji, that's exactly what she's doing

she couldn't follow her dream or whatever so now she's using the kids to gain some of the success she craves. why else would she have that massive hsm poster with her name on it in huge letters in her office.

just casually grab his hand with both your hands and stare at him creepily 🥰

ship jennzzara y'all

the first bump was a missed opportunity to do the baymax "falalala" as a reference to the fact that they watched big hero six while committing arson✋

wait so big red and EJ just left Ricky in the basement and now Ricky invited Carlos when they're supposed to be at the stage?

help no Ricky looks like he's about to tell Carlos he likes him (I know it's about writing the song for seb but still, look at his body language and tell me it doesn't look like that)

Ricky is so mature about this, he really just wants Nini to be happy even though he's hurting-

baby you deserve love, maybe Nini isn't the one for you but don't say you don't deserve it

why does he keep adding bro to the end like he doesn't know how to address Carlos

PLEASE CARLOS HAVING TO ADDRESS THE BRO THING

"let's write a song when we have like 45 minutes to get to the place and help our friends possibly win $50000 at the show in 2 weeks"

"can you hit a high C?"

"that's like the bottom of my range"

why am I laughing

this is so cool to see friendship interactions that we don't normally get to see

Nini why are you being like this-

Gina did nothing wrong??

I saw that, EJ and Gina being the only ones going in the same direction👀

right so obviously Kourtney's waiting until after the menkies to get back with Howie just in case he really is just using her as a way in to east high... obviously... right?

CARLOS

OK ITS COMING GET READY YALL

Why is portwell so awkward all of a sudden

OMG EJ

OMG GINA SAY YES or not, do what you want.

the way she doubts that EJ would genuinely ask so she has to make sure it's not Ashlyn behind it

OH

THE "NOT THAT I KNOW OF"

LIKE WHAT GINA SAID TO JACK ABOUT EJ BEING HER BOYFRIEND

GUYS THEY'RE SOULMATES

I want risotto now please

THEY'RE SO SWEET AND ADORABLY AWKWARD ITS LIKEEK LITTLE KIDS

OOOOOOO what is this place that seblos is in, looks fancy....and secluded

oh wait no Ricky's just standing there

wait is it the bomb shelter

it looks so good what

HSKAGSJAGAJAGWISGSKAUASBWKSVAIWBAISBQKSHIQBWOABWOABDOQBZIQBAIAQBSIWBQISVQKSIANSGOQBSAISBKASBKWBAIABQOSBBSJAHAJAVAJSBAJHSKAHSJAHAJAJAAJAHHHHHHHH

@youranxiousnerd ARE YOU OK?

CUZ IM NOT OK

LOOK AT SEBBY'S FACE

LOOK AT HOW ADORABLE IT IS

THE LYRICS ARE KILLING ME

SEBLOS IS KILLING ME

I AM DEAD

PLEASE SEND HELP

I like to imagine that Frankie and Joe practiced this in their apartment and just had a blast with it.

or maybe that Frankie practiced in secret like what Joe did for the climb

OH THE SUITS

THATS WHERE THAT CLIP IN THE PROMO WAS FROM

AWWW SEBBY'S SO CUTE

HE'S A LITTLE MARSHMALLOW

they're still so awkward with the dance I cant

let's appreciate Frankie's voice though

this episode really was made just for the seblos and portwell stans and you gotta love it

BIG RED GET OUT

WHY DOES HE ALWAYS DO THIS

Seb's little "yeah" IS ADORABLE

you can't tell me that wouldn't have been the best time for them to say I love you....IF FREAKIN BIG RED WASN'T THERE

ok but wait Ricky needs more hugs like that, look at his face

the boy needs love

"bro" please don't let Ricky and Carlos go back to not talking because their friendship is amazing

EJ laughing at Ricky sounding like a cat coughing up a furball is so funny to me

RICKY'S FLOP GETS ME EVERYTIME

I knew it was too good to be true

ok so Ricky's dead, next in line please

this episode was so short but I love it so much. this is what I signed up for for season 2✋

[vidalinav]

Burning Questions I Still Have:

You know SJM really hasn’t given us too much substance in these book talks so I’m just going to put down these questions as my own way of expanding the topic of the book beyond Eris, Azriel, and the copious amount of sex they’re going to have (Nesta and Cassian) though all of that is very exciting. 

1. How much does Mor factor into this story? Are we going to see her at all or would she be more focused in on an Azriel story if we get one? 

2. Does Elain have any say in sending Nesta away? Will she have some involvement in Nesta’s healing? Will we see her in Illyria, visiting her sister perhaps, or will it be short instances? 

3. Does Nesta make new friends? Assumedly she does, but right now it’s looking very established character centric, but you know with these lack of spoilers. (rolls eyes)

4. Will the witch concept brought up in ACOWAR come up in ACOSF? Is Nesta technically a witch? Because her power extends beyond her natural reserve “technically.” Will we see other witches? Witches vs Illyrians... Maybe?

5. What is the main conflict in Illyria? And how will it be resolved? So far we know it has something to do with rebellion, but how do you fix that realistically? 

6. How will the women in Illyria gain some autonomy, because lets be honest, everyone learning to fight is and is not going to fix everything? 

7. Where is Bryaxis? 

8. Eris has a deal with Rhysand to help him kill his father. How would that work? Does it involve Nesta, does this then involve her more in the Inner Circle’s antics in which she’ll gain a job in some way? Whether she wants to or not. 

9. How does Nesta suffer? We know emotionally, yes. Power, yes. But how does that come about when there’s so much potential conflict in this book. 

10. What is the main conflict of this story? There seems to be many, that I’m sure will be extended to the other books that come out, but to what to extent does this book extend to the others. Will we see all of the same characters in the books after this one? 

11. Eris’s mom and Helion; Helion and Lucien. Enough said. 

12. Nesta dealing with her father’s death. 

13. Cassian’s mom, who is supposedly dead. (Jury is still out on that one; no dead body, no dead)

14. What’s that shadowy evil substance that Mor discovers by her estate?

15. Will Mor get a story? Especially since if she does then she’d be the first LGBTQ character from the SJM universe to have their own book... I think. Don’t quote me on that. But she’s got a lot to deal with too and I think she deserves a book. She’s a very interesting character. She reminds me of a mixture between Aelin and Bryce and the more secretive aspects of Nesta. 

16. Will Elain ever get a mate or significant other? Honestly, I’m on the fence with this. Mostly because one, Elain is purely side-character to me. She’s interesting, but not enough right now to warrant a whole book. I also just think that right now she’s kind of useless, and I don’t mean that to be mean, I just mean that she doesn’t have a purpose yet and most of her personality right now is purely fodder. It’s her main personality I say. Maybe not the honest to god deep one, but she’s got at least the surface level personality with hints of iceberg feelings. 

Interestingly enough it makes more sense I think to have the next book centered on Lucien and Azriel if they’re going to settle that conflict. Even though I hate love triangles in any sense, but none of them love each other right now anyways... And I think that it would be hard to figure out these three relationships when they’re already linked together in ACOWAR and ACOFAS. 

17. Will we ever know why Amren and Nesta got into a fight? Will their relationship be fixed? Also where she at in this whole conflict of interest that is this book and Nesta being sent away? Will we see her often? 

18. Will Rhysand have a good amount of time in this book? What is his involvement with Nesta--his sister-in-law lol? Will their relationship reach some level of understanding? Will they hate each other for ever? Will they have some semblance of mutual respect and a common denominator that is the love for Feyre and their protectiveness for their family? 

19. What are Cassian’s conflicts? To be quite honest, I feel this book is very Nesta centric, and I do hope that Cassian is not just thrown in there for romance and that’s it. BUT we know the Illyrian conflict, the Mor/Azriel conflict, the issue with being born a bastard, not belonging with his people. The Nesta conflict, the war probably. But like besides Nesta, all of these conflicts have existed for as long as he’s lived. So is that really a conflict or an issue to be dealt with... A lot of this will be resolved through the “Powers of Love” lol and whatever else they can do in Illyria, but then what else? Internally, I don’t feel he has too much to deal with because well... a lot of his problems center around other people. 

20. What will Feyre being doing? Let me be honest, I don’t like the thought of Feyre being pregnant. I understand her body her choice, but this girl literally went from let’s spend time with each other to let’s have a baby, because maybe it won’t happen in a few hundred years. But let’s be honest, if I was her I would not be thinking that it would happen in a few hundred years. Things happen in the most inconvenient times, and right now with all this, it’s very inconvenient. I also think I really don’t like it because right now she is really playing into that role of a wife and not as everything we know her as. I mean she’s allowed to relax, to be loved and what not, but I don’t know. Lame, I think, that she became high lady in name, but probably not in any sort of empowerment way, and I think that’s sad because she could do an awful lot of good, and should do it, because right now her court has soooooo many issues, even issues that Rhys kind of just puts in the back burner and hopes for the best. She is the equal to Rhys, but so far she’s not seeming so equal and she also seems to have lost some purpose. So I’m also wondering if this want of a child and planning for it is Feyre’s way of being useful again... because she spent so much of her life taking care of other people. Which again..... ehhhhhh. 

21. What the f*** are Nesta’s powers? What do they do? I hope it does not end in some vague inclination like Mor’s truth power whatever. But like, she should be all powerful, death god status. I want to see Nesta as the goddess she is. 

22. Koschei??? The stealer of the hero’s wife or whatever as he’s referenced in Russian lore... I think? Is he going to be more involved in Vassa, or Elain even (because Elain right now has always been the damsel) or Nesta, because of the queens and “their powerful ally.” Wouldn’t he be the best teacher for Nesta’s power really, when he’s a powerful sorcerer in the book/death god that has worshippers and what not and collects women.   

>>> My theory is that if Elain and Lucien are the next pov’s then maybe Nesta will be kidnapped by Koschei at the end, and Elain gets to really show what she’ll do for her family, and what she’s made of. But it also keeps the story going without cutting it off completely, and we keep the bigger conflict which is that there’s a whole world of problems and rulers and that Nesta’s story can’t really end at this book, because again she’s suppose to be all-powerful, cauldron incarnate, the wind has heard of her, spreading the news around, and that she does need to learn her powers and I doubt anyone can really teach her, but she for sure probably can’t teach her self. 

23. Will the love triangle situation not be between Elain, Lucien, and Azriel, but Vassa, Elain, and Lucien, or maybe a love square like A Midsummer Night’s Dream? That would be kinda cool. I just don’t really know if Azriel will be a love interest for Elain, even if he has that fondness for her. Azriel has a lot of problems, but he’s also like... I don’t know. Off topic. 

24. The Queens--what the hell? What about that one who turned old and is now immortal? They were chilling in Vassa’s kingdom. Where are they so Nesta can beat their asses? Also, these human kingdoms--what? What are they doing now that their queens are just in hiding and that allied with Hybern to be fae? Do they know? 

25. Magical humans--fae blood sometimes trickle into human lines from that one fae whoever she is. Doubt she’s the only one. Probably will have magical humans, realistically. 

26. Vassa--all of Vassa. Maybe Vassa and Mor.... You never know. I doubt they’ll get that curse reversed and she’ll be completely human, so maybe she’ll a be a shifter of a sort. If I can remember she’s like the only successful experiment. So maybe she got some fae blood and she can live for a long time and can be with Mor. I certainly hope Mor does not give up her immortality for her love interest, which I’m assuming you can do like in TOG. 

27. The fae kingdoms, that conflict needs be somewhat resolved. Doubtful. There’s three main ones I think. No one’s been signing treaties. How? That is all. 

28. Azriel powers, shadows, how did that happen? Does it elude to something bigger. 

29. Cassian’s background. Who the hell is he? Will we know papa? Mama? Past? He’s the most powerful Illyrian commander, he can’t be normal. The laws of fiction dictate otherwise. 

30. Last names? Middle names? Titles. Give me everything Sara. 

31. Eris. After daddy is dead, what next? Is his conflict so small and easily taken care of. He is very interesting to me. 

32. Did they actually take care of the cauldron? Miriam and Draken, will we see them again and their ideal world? 

33. Will Nesta travel? Because she should. She deserves to, it was her plan in ACOTAR, but then she stayed, and now she’s a shell. Please have Nesta see the world. With Cassian or without. Don’t care. Maybe both. 

34. How is a treaty going to be established, when humans hate fae, fae enslave humans, and the fact that there is so much more than fae that exist as we know????? Hmmm???

35. Oh Tamlin! Where he at? What he been doing? How will he help this conflict? Assuming he’s probably going to factor more in Lucien’s story, I’m almost positive he’s the next POV. It wouldn’t make sense otherwise to my fanfic writer/ obsessive reader brain.  

36. The objective of different worlds. I know SJM probably won’t get into it too much and it would probably be very complicated, but other worlds. Are people still coming in? Do some want to leave? Is it easy to travel between them--provided you know how? *whispers* can Nesta do this?

37..... I don’t know. I will add more if I can think of any, because I probably can. Honestly this was like therapy and made me feel so much better than any of SJM’s lives about the future of this series.

38. ADD YOUR OWN; unless I wrote almost everything. But doubtful!

[kiragecko]

DC Sidekick Age References

Here’s a dump of all the references I’ve found. Know I’m missing a lot, and quite a few were found on other sites that didn’t give me the most precise info.

If you know of anything else, can correct a mistake you see, or want to discuss comic book aging - please send me an ask, message, or reblog!

?? - means I don’t know where the info is from, “quotes” are direct copies of the wording in the comic

-

?? Parents died when Bruce was 8

Detective Comics #27 (May 1939) – Batman introduced

Detective Comics #38 (Apr 1940)  – Dick is (8 when parents killed/9 when Robin) 12 when he becomes Robin, it's Bruce's 3rd year as Batman

More Fun Comics 73 (Nov 1941) – Green Arrow Introduced

1962 - JLA formed

1964 – Dick teams up with Wally and Garth

Teen Titans 1 (Jan-Feb 1966) – Teen Titans form, Donna is introduced (all 5 are 14ish?)

Detective 359 (Jan 1967) – Babs introduced, has PhD, has graduated

Batman #217 (Dec 1969) – Dick graduates high school, enrolls in University (starts 3 months later)

1971 - Roy discovered using drugs by Ollie and Hal in a drug den (he was trading arrows for drugs), retcon has Wally and Dick discovering him at tower and making him promise to get help

Justice League 116 (Mar-Apr 1975) Charley Parker is 16

Batman Family 10 (Mar-Apr 1977) – Dick is teenager, Babs is 25

Teen Titans 53 (Feb 1978) – Dick, Wally, Donna, Vic all started college at same time

DC Special Series: The Flash Spectacular (May 1978) – Wally graduates high school

New Teen Titans 1 (Nov 1980) – Raven forms New Titans, Gar is 16 during run

New Teen Titans 2 (Dec 1980) – Slade meets team, Grant dies

1981 - Dick drops out of university after 1 semester, he never really was interested

New Teen Titans 20 (June 1982) – Vic turns 19, Donna already is

Tales of the New Teen Titans 2 (July 1982) – Raven turned 18 just before forming Titans

Batman #357 (Mar 1983) – Jason’s first appearance

Detective Comics #526 (May 1983) – Bruce adopts Jason, Dick is there and approving

New Teen Titans 34 (Aug 1983) – Terra turns 16

Batman #368 (Feb 1984) – Dick gives Jason the Robin costume, Jason becomes Robin

Blue Devil(84) – Eddie is 11/12

Tales of the Teen Titans (May 1984) – Joey introduced, Author describes him as 17?

New Teen Titans #39 (Feb 1984) – Dick stops being Robin, Wally quits being a superhero/the team

Tales of the Teen Titans 50 (Feb 1985) – Terry and Donna's wedding (she got married while 19)

New Teen Titans 10 (July 1985) – Kole says she's at least 18

Crisis on Infinite Earths 7 (Oct 1985) – Supergirl dies in Superman’s arms after mostly destroying the Anti-Monitor, who has to flee reality

New Teen Titans 18 (Mar 1986) – Dick turns 20 (“Dick Grayson celebrates his birthday away from home with a traditional Tamaranean feast.” (While sulking because Kory got space-married))

New Teen Titans 20 (May 1986) – Roy locates baby Lian, Terry Long is 29

?? Roy is 22(when he gets Lian)

Batman #404 - Batman Year One (Feb 1987) – Bruce is 25, spent 12 years training, became Batman at 26, Barbara Gordon is pregnant, her and Jim move to Gotham

Detective Comics #571 (Feb 1987) – we see Bruce’s fear gas induced vision of Jason’s tombstone (birth: 1974 – death: 1986, so he’d be 12)

Secret Origins 13 (April 87) – 15 years ago, it was Dick’s 5th birthday. Soon after tenth birthday, parents are killed. [Set during New TT 18])

Batman #409 (July 1987) – Jason becomes Robin (In Detective Comics, Jason has been Robin the whole time, but is still being wwritten with Pre-Crisis personality)

Flash 1 (June 1987) – Wally turns 20

New Teen Titans Ann 3 (Nov 1987) – Danny Chase is 13 and introduced

Batman #416 (Feb 1988) – Dick in Gotham, meets the new Robin on patrol. Confronts Bruce later, says he was ‘fired’ less than a year ago (since then he was briefly in college), makes Bruce admit he missed him. Dick finds Jason again, expose the drug dealers, and Dick gives Jason his old costume (symbolically, since Jason already has one) and a phone number, Dick was Robin for 6 years

Batman #427 (Winter 1988) – Jason dies

Batman #436, Batman: Year Three (Aug 1989) – 2 years since Dick stopped being Bruce’s sidekick (When he became Nightwing? Or when he quit?), parents died 10 years earlier

Batman #441, A Lonely Place of Dying (Nov 1989) – Tim 13, was 7 when Dick’s parents died

Robin #1 (Jan 1991) – Tim debuts as Robin

New Titans 84 (March 1992) – Joey dies

Deathstroke, the Terminator #15 (Oct 1992) – Rose introduced

Team Titans 3 (Nov 1992) – Robert Long is born

Adventures of Superman 500 (June 1993) – Kon appears and escapes from Cadmus with Newboy Legion, John Henry Irons first appearance, Eradicator and Cyborg Superman also appear for first time

Batman: BTAS: Robin’s Reckoning (1993) - 'Richard 'Dick' Grayson: Age 10'

Detective Comics 668 (Nov 1993) – Tim gets license (because dad is disabled) even though he hasn’t turned 16 yet, gets beat up by Jean-Paul

Flash 92 (July 1994) – Bart aged to 14

?? Shortly after Knight’s End – Tim is 15 and in the 10th grade

Flash 0 (Oct 1994) – Wally is 23

Damage 1(94) – Grant is 16

Deathstroke, The Terminator Annual 4 (Aug 1995) – Rose is 14, “What would that do to a kid? A fourteen-year-old girl whose father is an assassin she’s never met?”

Wonder Woman 105(95) – Cassie is 14

Tempest 1(96) – Garth spends many months in other dimension

Aquaman 20 (May 1996) – Garth aged 3-4 years in other dimension, now older than other Titans

Teen Titans 1 (Oct 1996) – Argent, Risk, Joto, Prysm all turn 16(they were conceived by seed things on same day)

Superboy Annual 2 – to Kon: “Happy birthday, Kid - - number one in a long successful series, we hope.” “He will effectively remain sixteen years old - - forever!”

Green Lantern 82(97) – Robert Long is 3

Wonder Woman 121(97) – Terry and Robert die

Secret Origins Giant 1(98) – Bart is “Three. Fifteen. Depends.”, “you’re almost 15, Tim.”

Titans 5(99) – Donna is 23

Titans(99) – Lian is 4

Sins of Youth(99) – Kon 16, aging normally again

Aquaman 63 (Jan 2000) – Future Garth tells granddaughter Donna about Cerdian being born (think this is his weird birth issue)

Wonder Woman Secret Files (2002) – „Wonder Girl is a precocious outgoing 15-year-old named Cassandra „Cassie“ Sandsmark.“

Bruce Wayne: Murderer (2002) – Oracle says Tim is 15

Batgirl #37 (April 2003) – “Cain said ... today was ... my birthday.”

Batgirl #39 (June 2003) – “I see an eighteen-year-old girl, who’s out of her depth.” (Babs about Cass)

Robin #116 (Sept 2003) – Dana: “Oh, I’m so glad we’ll all be together on Thursday ... !” Tim: “Why? What’s Thursday?” Jack: “Yeah. What’s Thursday?” Dana: “Wait a minute – seriously? Tim: “Yeah. Tell. Us.” Dana: “It’s nothing – never mind. Just leave your schedules open for a nice family dinner.”| Jack: “Dana, what’s – “ Dana: “Shh! Thursday ...  the 19th of July ... ?” Jack: “Um ... oh! Right!” | Steph: “So – Thursday!! Are you excited? Got any ideas for it, yet? ... Tim ... ?” [Tim is asleep.] | [Ives and Steph come over, with pizza that says “Happy B-Day Tim.”] Ives: “Sixteen spankings – get that boy up!!” | Dana says: “I remember when I was in 11th grade.” | he also gets the first ‘clue’ for Bruce’s ‘birthday present.’

Teen Titans 1 (Nov 2003) – Gar is 19, Is this Joey’s return?? (He’s puppeting Slade)

Teen Titans ½ (2004) – Rose’s early years, with a ‘6 years ago’ flashback, she was raised in a brothel her mom ran, tutored, never allowed the outside world, but had relationships with kids her age

Detective Comics #790 (Mar 2004) – Jason’s 18th birthday “he would have been 18 today”

Teen Titans 8 (April 2004) – Raven looks 'barely older' than Cassie

TEEN TITANS #1/2 [2004]: The flashback panels totally sync up with my age theories; Flash to 10 years ago: Dick Grayson’s parents die. Flash to 6 years ago: Rose Wilson is schooled at home by her mother, Lili. Flash to 5 years ago: Ravager I is killed. Flash to 3 years ago: Slade is forced to kill Jericho. Flash to 2 years ago: Cadmus attempts to clone Superman. Flash to 18 months ago: Rose deals with the death of her mother. Flash to one week ago: Bart Allen is shot by Slade.

Identity Crisis 4 (Dec 2004) –(Tim still 16)

Green Arrow 47(05) – Mia is 17

Return of Donna Troy 3(05) – Cassie barely 16

Nightwing: Year One(05) – Dick is 26

Batgirl #65 (Aug 2005) – Cass decides to figure out if Shiva is her mom, Jason and Cass roughly the same age

Flash(05/06) – Wally is 26

?? Robin #136 – Tim still 16 ???

Detective Comics #868 (Oct 2010)– Kate is 32 years old??

One Year Later(Mar 06)

Flash 1(06) – Bart 4 years older(20?)

Blue Beetle 2 (June 2006) – Find out Jaime was in space/a pocket dimension for One Year Later

?? Just prior to 52 (July 2006-July 2007)– told Tim is 17 (long before he’s also  17 in Red Robin, 52 is 1 year long)

Teen Titans 42 (Feb 2007) – Eddie is 17

Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds 3-4 (Apr-June 2009) – Bart and Kon back, same as when died

Batman 677 (July 2008) – Batman over 30

Batman: Battle for the Cowl (May-July 2009) – Damian is 10, Ends with Dick and Damian becoming Batman and Robin

Brave & The Bold 2 (May 2007) – Kara is 17, “You have food in the refrigerator older than her, Hal. Who are you, Ollie? No bad thoughts. She’s seventeen.”

Batgirl #1 (Oct 2009) – Steph starting college

Batgirl #7 (Apr 2010) - Damian is "what happens when you work with a 10-year-old."

Red Robin #12 (July 2010) – Tim spent “a few months” looking for evidence before returning to Gotham, becomes emancipated minor

Detective Comics #871 (Jan 2011)– Mention that Dick and Babs went to prom together

Red Robin #25 (Sept 2011) – Tim “and you are only 17”

The Batman Files (Oct 2014) – Jason was 15 at death (seen on death certificate)

?? Rebirth Young Justice series – Cassie: “didn’t mean to end up back in high school feeling - - like I did back when I went to high school.” Later, she says she’s in Metropolis “Working. Going to school in the fall.” So she’s probably starting college.

?? Bart in some Rebirth comic: “Am I six? Am I nineteen? That’s a really freaky thing, right?”

?? At some point: Donna says shes a little older than Kyle

[quentyl]

What does ATLA tell us about Ursa?

For context, originally this started as a response to an ask. I felt like I couldn’t answer properly without going over Ursa’s portrayal in the show first, ergo this very long post. I’ll answer the actual question later.

Ursa only appears in one episode of the show (not counting Azula’s hallucination), has about a dozen lines, and apart from that is mentioned just a very few times. That’s not much, but there’s still a lot we can infer from that limited screen time.

Without further ado, let’s talk about Ursa as a mother first:

In her first scene, she’s sitting with Zuko on the ground and feeding turtle-ducks, giving off an aura of tranquility, relaxation and effortless grace. Even contentment. This is how the show chose to introduce her to the viewer: as someone who can laugh with her kid, be affectionate, and enjoy a peaceful moment.

Of course, she’s not just affectionate and sweet in this scene, she’s also protective. She says it plainly: “Zuko, that's what moms are like. If you mess with their babies, they're gonna bite you back.” At that moment, she was just joking with Zuko, but it foreshadows what she’s going to do a few days later, when the Fire Lord himself tries to mess with her baby: she bites back like a true mother. Ozai said that she did “vicious, treasonous things” that night. She herself, just before her disappearance, basically admits to having done terrible things, and she can’t leave without telling Zuko why, she needs him to know: “Everything I've done, I've done to protect you.” It’s interesting to note the plural here (“vicious things”, “everything”). So, though we aren’t shown anything directly, the show still seems to insist on the fact that Ursa got her hands dirty to save Zuko, that she killed Azulon herself and actually might have had to do other unpleasant things to accomplish that. So in spite of the lightness that seems to emanate from her at first, there is a dark side to Ursa.

Wrt Azulon and Ursa’s personality, there is another moment that is telling: when Zuko fails his demonstration before the Fire Lord, she does not hesitate to go over to comfort him, acting as if they are alone in the room. As if the most powerful man in the world isn’t watching, as if this isn’t a formal audience, as if she isn’t wasting the time of the Fire Lord. She tells Zuko that she loved watching him, as if it wasn’t Azulon’s opinion that mattered. She just throws propriety and caution through the window, Zuko’s hurt feelings eclipsing everything else in her mind, and forgets to give a fuck about her lord’s opinion (or her husband’s for that matter).

Ursa is also presented as her children’s primary authority figure, the one who’s charged with watching over them, giving them news, and preparing them for surprise meetings. But more than just an authority figure, she’s presented as the main good influence in their life, the one who teaches them about right and wrong. She makes Zuko play with Azula because she thinks they should bond as siblings (from the way Azula manipulates her using this, we can assume it’s a point Ursa has stressed as important in the past). She teaches Zuko to see things from others’ point of views (the mom turtleduck), she admonishes Azula without losing patience when her daughter shows lack of consideration for her uncle’s life, she reprimands her more strongly when she’s being deliberately insolent.

To summarize the above points: Ursa in the flashbacks is (almost) portrayed as the ideal parent: gracious, affectionate, playful, comforting, fiercely protective, authoritative, respectable, and the person who provides moral guidance to her children.

Ok but what about “our mom liked Zuko more than me” and “my own mother thought I was a monster” and “even you fear me”? Well, first things first, these are Azula’s thoughts, years after her mother abandoned her in order to protect her brother. While we have to respect her feelings, they do not necessarily match who the real Ursa was and thought. In particular, I think the Ursa we saw in the flashbacks didn’t seem to think of her daughter as a monster, or to be afraid of her at all - or she wouldn’t have forced Zuko to play with her (she does wonder “what is wrong with that child” but that’s in reaction to Azula making a deliberately provocative and ominous comment: she’d been acting borderline treasonous and kinda worryingly obsessed with the succession). Personally, I think that it’s more likely Azula who sees herself as a monster, not Ursa, and she projected that unto her mother because Ursa was the one who taught her how to distinguish between right and wrong and she believes that her mother wouldn’t have approved of the person she chose (and keeps choosing) to be.

That said, Zuko absolutely may have been Ursa’s favorite (studies found that most parents have one). Zuko himself doesn’t argue the point with his sister, and Ursa’s character description on the old Avatar website supports this (Zuko is flat-out described as “her favorite child”). Note that this doesn’t necessarily translate into Azula being treated unfairly by her mother. All we know for sure is that 14 years old Azula feels her mother liked Zuko more and that this thought hurts her deeply (personally, I tend to think that it hurts Azula more as a teenager than as a child, because it ties into her teenage self's deep well of anxiety about being unlovable in general - a “monster”).

The rest under the cut.

Now that I’ve gone over how she was portrayed as a mother, I think it’s time to delve into her and her husband’s dynamic, and how it fits into her relationship with their kids:

(Disclaimer: note that Ozai and Ursa never interact during the flashbacks, so to know more about their relationship we have to read the subtext - and since it is subtext and not text, basically everything below is technically just my interpretation, and at best I can only argue that it is the most fitting interpretation.)

Let’s go back a moment to “What is wrong with that child?”: Ursa sounds genuinely puzzled here. But she shouldn’t be puzzled, she should be alarmed. “Fire Lord Azulon. Can't you just call him ‘Grandfather’? He's not exactly the powerful Fire Lord he used to be. Someone will probably end up taking his place soon.” - this isn’t just Azula being insolent and stanning her dad, like her earlier comments. Ursa should have taken the second part, “someone will probably end up taking his place soon”, as a warning. But she doesn’t (at least not at that moment). She just silences Azula and doesn’t immediately think “oh shit my husband is planning something” or even “what kind of fuckery has my husband been discussing in our daughter’s earshot”. Instead her reaction shows that she is kinda clueless about what’s going on. She seems to think the issue is just Azula being a weird child, and doesn’t immediately link her words to Ozai. So what we can infer from that is that Ursa, before that day, wasn’t very... aware of Ozai’s ambitions. At best, she knew he’d like to be Fire Lord without realizing that he actually does intend to do something about it - sorta like just because you know someone is jealous of their sibling’s sport car you don’t suspect they’re gonna kill them to steal it. The idea of Ozai attempting to take the throne is just not on her mind like it is for us, the viewers, when we’re listening to Azula talk about how her dad’s glory days are coming.

Note that Ursa is not the only one who didn’t expect such a move from Ozai. Azulon is furious and surprised at Ozai’s impudent request.

This disconnect between Ozai’s ambitions and Ursa’s simple enjoyment of life is also shown through her relationship with his older brother: it’s clear from the little we see of them that Ursa and Iroh get along very well. Ursa seems very fond of him: she’s happy to read his letter, laughs at his joke, admonishes Azula for her callousness regarding him (“it would be awful if Uncle Iroh didn’t return”), and is genuinely heartbroken for him when she learns of Lu Ten’s death (”Iroh has lost his son”). These scenes are telling us that Ursa isn’t in on Ozai’s plans, and wouldn’t support him if she knew of them.

But Azula supports him, wholeheartedly. Azula wants her dad to be Fire Lord because clearly he deserves it. There’s something a little unsettling about the fact that Ozai’s little girl knows what’s in Ozai’s heart and what’s on his mind, his dark designs, but his own wife doesn’t. Was she spying on him (we see her do just that at least once) or did he just take her into his confidence (also very likely, it looks like they do spend time together without their other family members)? Whichever way she came by her information, it immediately creates a chasm between mother and daughter - because suddenly they’re not on the same side anymore, politically. And the worst thing is, Ursa isn’t even aware of that chasm - or at least, she doesn’t seem to understand its importance yet (even though Azula tries to tell her).

To go back to Ozai and Ursa, by the time of the flashbacks not only are they not on the same page politically, they’re also not aligned on the matter of parenting. Ursa admonishes Azula for words that could have come directly from Ozai’s mouth, were he honest. They also don’t react in the same way at all to Zuko’s fumblings: while Ursa is just sorry that he feels bad and is proud of his tenacity, Ozai is unhappy about him even attempting a demonstration. So however their arranged marriage started, they failed to become a unit on the two most important fronts of that contract.

But note that while Ursa makes a show of comforting Zuko, Ozai’s disapproval is actually subtle - the viewers see it because the camera makes a point to focus on it. I don’t think Ozai was full-on abusive toward Zuko yet at this point, when Ursa was still in the picture. Copy-pasting from a previous meta: “In these flashbacks, Zuko didn’t seem scared of his father yet. He wasn’t afraid to perform before him, to cry and lament his failures before him, or to be comforted by Ursa before him. He didn’t seem overly worried to have embarrassed him in front of Azulon himself. He wasn’t afraid to demand answers from him after Ursa’s disappearance.” So it is very possible that Ursa wasn’t very aware of the depth of his disdain for their son, just like she wasn’t very aware of how intensely (terribly) he desired his father’s throne. Before that fateful day, it seems Ozai kept the monster inside himself hidden.

So what happened between them the night of Ursa’s disappearance? One thing that is really important to note, I think, is that Ozai was ready for a takeover before Ursa decided to do anything. Not only does Azula basically spell it out before Ozai even makes his request to Azulon (he did not intend to wait patiently for his father to die of old age, he intended to replace him “soon”), we see after the fact that he has at least the head Fire sage in his pocket (“As was your dying wish you are now succeeded by your second son” - that was most certainly not Azulon’s dying wish). When telling the story to Zuko, Ozai rejects the whole thing on Ursa, saying she was the one to propose a plan - but the flashbacks imply he had one himself beforehand whether it involved her or not.

Ursa somehow found a way to get to Azulon in the middle of the night. How did she even have access to his chambers? Did she kill the guards too? Is she a secret ninja or did she somehow trick them?

Even though Ozai was in on Ursa’s plan (by his own admission), he still banished her for it. Now he didn’t do that to save face, since the official story is that Azulon died of natural causes (it’s actually less suspicious if his wife doesn’t disappear on the same day). It could be a weird thing like Ozai actually did feel some love/attachment for his father, or respect for his position as Fire Lord, and felt he was somehow duty-bound to punish her for his murder even if he himself incited her to commit it (maybe he let her do the dirty work so that he can still feel like he himself is clean?). Or he banished her to silence her or keep her from assassinating him next (the justification he gave in the comics).

But then, whatever his reasons for banishing her, the question becomes why didn’t he kill her instead? He did not spare her to avoid bad press or some form of retribution, since as far as the public eye is concerned him killing her and then making her body disappear would look exactly the same as what he eventually did. Ultimately, she’s much less of a hazard dead than alive somewhere out of his control. At the very least, he could have kept her prisoner. So, unless there’s some other variables we’re not aware of, I can think of two explanations. The first is that after she left Zuko’s room that night, Ozai did actually kill her (or attempted to and she somehow managed to escape) and just lied to Zuko during the Eclipse - though I’m not sure why he would lie in that particular context. The second explanation - brace yourselves! - is that Ozai let her go because back then he still had ~feelings~ and couldn’t quite bring himself to kill her.

Subtext does, in fact, support the idea that Ozai did once feel something for Ursa, whether this is the reason he spared her or not. In animation everything is a choice. The people who made Zuko Alone decided that on the morning of his triumph - his father’s death and his impending ascension to the throne - Ozai wasn’t celebrating or plotting. He was brooding while thinking of his wife, just standing still at a spot where we know she used to spend some time (she’s sitting there when she receives news of Lu Ten’s death). Even if he wasn’t sad, at the very least he was contemplating what he lost in order to get what he wanted. Which means that there was something to lose there, that he could have chosen another life, but did not. The writers could have elected to show him pretending to be mourning his late father, or plotting, or preparing for his coronation, or not to show him at all, but they didn’t. This is a characterization choice.

So I know this is controversial but I do believe Ozai chose power over love (the opposite of Aang in The Guru). It’s also hinted at via Zuko’s idyllic memories of his childhood - of their family vacations on Ember Island. At one point, Ozai was willing to devote some effort to being a husband and a father, enough to take his family to his summer house and give Zuko a few happy memories with his father - the memories that he desperately clings to years later.

It could also maybe tie back to “what is wrong with that child?” i.e. Ursa not immediately recognizing that her husband was the problem. Maybe Ursa was unable to see how far he’d fallen because she remembered the person he used to be at the beginning of their marriage, and maybe this is also why she accepted to leave her children in his power and didn’t even warn Zuko about him or anything. The last thing she ever says to Zuko before leaving forever is “no matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are” - she might be telling her son not to turn out like his father, if she feels like Ozai forgot who he was. These are all just possibilities though.

So I think that’s about it: what I can infer from the show about Ursa’s relationship with her husband and children. Before I conclude this post though, I also want to talk a little about Ursa’s family before her marriage, because I find this fascinating:

Ursa supports the war effort. I don’t think you can find a joke about burning Ba Sing Se to the ground funny unless you’re fully on-board with the Fire Nation’s imperialism. The writers didn’t have to show us this tidbit - it’s irrelevant to the rest of the episode - but they made a point of including it. It becomes even more interesting after we learn that Ursa descends from Roku and that Zuko didn’t know it. You don’t just forget to mention to your kids that they’re the Avatar’s great-grandchildren - this information was deliberately kept a secret. So there can be several possibilities:

Ursa wasn’t raised by Roku’s family i.e. she was raised by her other parent’s family, or she grew up in an orphanage, or she was adopted by some other folks. In this case, she might not feel any connection to Roku, if she even knows he’s her grandfather (Iroh knew but I don’t think this means we can irrevocably assume Ursa did too).

Ursa was raised by her family to support the war in spite of Roku’s position: this means that either Roku’s entire family basically disowned him and sided with Sozin, at least in appearance, or the family was divided in two with only one part rebelling against the throne.

Ursa was raised to support Roku, but she made up her own mind and decided she didn’t like being taught to hate her nation and Sozin was right, in spite of her family’s opinion.

Whatever the case, Ursa eventually just disappeared and no one seems to have made a fuss. So she either didn’t have any family left at that point, or she did but they were so alienated that they didn’t care, or she did but they were too utterly powerless to even demand an explanation.

[mooncruiser]

Heyy!! I’ve been meaning to pin my testimony, so here it is :)

So, my life wasn’t really the greatest growing up. I mention C-PTSD in my bio, and that’s what I’ll get into a bit. I’ll try not to be too graphic, but I can’t guarantee it’ll be totally safe.

There were some questionable things in my toddler years, a neglectful daycare center for 3 months, my dad being in and out of my life due to fear of getting attached at first, him flying off the handle once with me (my mom got on him for it, so it never happened again) but I think the trauma started with my cousins leaving me stuck out in a baby swing twice, a near death experience with a dog bite, and a homicidal attempt on me and my mom by my sister, who was 16 at the time (I’m 5 years old). 

There was also the dog cage incident I believe at…6 years old? Me and my brother were playing and he forgot me on accident. I pretty much accepted at this point that life was gonna chain me up and try to kill me lol, but it let up for a good while, and I had a pretty decent childhood. At 9 years old, there was the torturously loud school program in the gym I had to sit through for 2 hours, I think. 

It was at 10 when things became chronically ongoing. Domestic violence at home from my sister (physical, emotional abuse on me and my family), more physical and emotional abuse at school from my assistant teacher because I was on an IEP for my autism. At 11, I was sexually abused by my female friend who was 12, and her female cousin, who was 13. I was abandoned by my cousins and aunt, and I was being placed in a seclusion room at school during standardized tests (which was sensory deprived solitary confinement) even after I was finished for the day. At 12 years old, I started being emotionally neglected by my mother.

I mean, I was so angry and depressed and secretly suicidal at 10, but by 12 I was severely dissociating (I had been dissociating during trauma at various times prior). I had so much fear and anxiety that by the time I was 13 I’d be feeling like passing out 24/7, so I got on meds, which only helped the more severe physical symptoms, I guess. 

At 13, I started being groomed by this high school girl that liked me. She was a Sophomore, and I was in 7th grade. She noticed the neglect and told me she knew me better. She would give me gifts, teach me to ship gay pairings, gave me a gay pedophilic manga. Shamelessly told me she had sexual relations with her male cousin and his friends who were around my age. I blocked it out. 

I also had a very abusive friendship with a girl online who had BPD. My assistant teacher, who came with me to middle school, restrained and tortured me with the marching band’s loud music in the hallway, which only intensified my dissociative symptoms (I was actually switching alters at this point regularly and having no idea).

I remember at 13 being confused about my gender and sexuality. My mom was no help and just wanted me to hide it from my family and everyone else, for reputation purposes and she didn’t want me bullied. That was actually how I decided to get in contact with my grooming abuser, which I wonder at this point whether that was my fault. I didn’t expect her to really take over like she did, but I was essentially brainwashed into accepting whatever I was feeling for her benefit. I just wanted advice and a friend. 

I was so lonely, I had been desperate for friends for years, and I was desperate for someone to love me in any way, honestly. I was overeating. I’d spend hours daydreaming, in video games or entertainment to escape from school and everything else. During meltdowns, I’d be doing self injurious behaviors. 

So by 14, I come out as a lesbian. Had a couple relationships with girls who just saw me as a sexual object (I remember saying yes to sexual things even though I didn’t want to, just so that they wouldn’t abandon me. Dissociating off and finding it disgusting), would cheat on me with multiple people, ignore me for new friends, etc. 

The BPD friend I dated, when I broke up with her, immediately attempted suicide so that scarred me more into our trauma bond. She’d show me self harm pics she took from time to time. It scared me into making sure I didn’t trigger her again, but u know I never knew what triggered her in the first place, so, like with everything else, I had no strategy to life. It was either fight, run, dissociate or nod yes to everything. She took up the latter lol. 

I came out as trans my Freshman year, and stayed that way into my Sophomore year. I was bitter about dating because of the whole sexual object thing, and full of shame at the same time, thinking no one would want me. I thought I was asexual. I tried out a career high school honestly just to get away from the memories of my old school. 

Some feelings about being trans started to fade, but not entirely, so I went by genderfluid/genderqueer from 17-19. I was excited to make new friends at my new school, but my anxiety kept me from it. I opened up very awkwardly about my dating history to one girl (which tbh I shouldn’t have, but I had been brainwashed so lol) and she told all the girls in my lab, and I was excluded and bullied (and cyberbullied) from thereon. 

I didn’t know it at first, it was so subtle. But once I knew, I tried standing up for myself and told the principal, which made them leave me alone for the most part. They’d glare at me, use me at graduation, cyberbully me one last time 8 months after graduation, and that was it. I still had to deal with domestic violence until I was 22, but once I graduated everything pretty much hit me.

I knew I’d be too stressed out to go to college or work. School indoctrination tried to teach me to be neurotypical and expect this, but it wasn’t happening. I was too afraid to leave my house for a year, and too afraid to be honest online for fear of being watched and bullied, or stalked. I was seriously considering suicide down the line. I thought I had nothing left to live for. I was useless. Nobody cared. Friends moved on to their new lives and I was dying. 

That’s when Jesus stepped in.

I guess I started being curious about God again for the first time since I was 12. I always believed in God, was grateful to Him for being there for me during the domestic violence and never blamed Him for it. I found out about worship music and was thrilled, and a question came up. Was being gay a sin? My grooming abuser taught me that God made me gay, so it was alright. But I wanted to know for sure this time from the Word. 

To my surprise, she was wrong. The Bible said it was indeed, a sin (the practice, not so much the identity aspect). I couldn’t piece together why, so I struggled with it for months. On my 20th birthday however, when I got done creating fanart of a gay pairing, I felt strongly convicted by the Holy Spirit that it was wrong. So I went to God.

I said, “If it is wrong, please change me so I can make You happy, because I love You. In the meantime, I won’t do anything in support of it for a while. If it’s not wrong, don’t change me, and I’ll know which way is right because I trust You.” When I look back on it, it was a pretty crazy prayer. Lots of people have said they couldn’t “pray the gay away”, and I do wonder what the difference was with me.

After 3 months, I stopped to check if I still felt anything, and the feelings were gone. My gender dysphoria was gone, too. I was way too afraid to tell anybody yet, but I remember when I did, one of the first people I told was my grooming abuser. 

She was livid, tried one last time to intimidate me. Another time we crossed paths (she came out of nowhere saying hi, said she worked at that market, complimented me and walked away smiling) and I was triggered, I messaged her and told her how she hurt me and I couldn’t bear to be around her anymore, but I hoped she’d have a good life. She didn’t respond online, but she complained to my sister that I thought she was a predator, and by the end of the conversation tries to get her to tell me she said hi. When she had kids, she was planning on raising them to be nonbinary. Her husband was abusive to them, so she ended up losing them. She never bugged me again. 

I was blown away by how God had changed me. How He opened my eyes to the truth. I prayed for Him to open my eyes to whatever else I had been blind to, and He slowly began lifting off the amnesia surrounding all my traumas, urging me towards recovery with Him. I realized I might have OSDD-1b recently as well, which is strange that I could have possibly had DID prior to losing my amnesia? 

I have been on this journey ever since, journaling, blogging, researching, and finally in a wonderful therapy called EMDR where I truly release the traumas from my body, hear God’s new positive beliefs to replace old negative ones from my childhood, and experience loving extraordinary visions while processing that teach me to focus on Jesus, trust Him more, love and pray for my enemies, and have a real satisfying relationship with Him that’s unattainable with anyone on Earth, along with daily Bible study. 

The picture on the left was me at 16 in my old life, the one on the right is me in my new creation :) God bless all of you, thank you for reading this far 💕💖

[thenewnio]

39 questions for B.E.N.

1. How old will you be in 8 months?

I think I almost lost track of my age after living a hundred years marooned on Treasure Planet, but as far as I remember, I think I’ll be 127…and a half. Technically. I still feel a whole lot younger! See, age isn’t measured in years. Me being a robot, age doesn’t matter much to me.

2. Do you think you’ll be married by then?

Me? Married? I can’t tell how many times I’ve dreamed of getting married! It would be fantastic!

3. Was yesterday better than today?

Oh, every day’s a good day to me! Especially since I have my buddy Jimmy to keep me company!

4. What did your last text message say?

What do you mean by text message?

5. Who was the last person to text you?

I still don’t think I get it. I wouldn’t have a clue as to who “texted” me ‘cause I don’t have a clue as to what texting is!

6. Do you prefer to call or text?

Oh, you’re talking about telephones? Sorry, we don’t have phones on Montressor. Actually, there aren’t any phones anywhere! I forget what phones are! Are they one of those old Earth devices?

7. Do you have any pets?

Well, if you’re talking about Morph, that’s Jimmy’s pet. Although I have wished for a dog. Just someone to play with while Jimmy’s away at the academy. Dogs are a lot of fun!

8. What were you doing at 12 am last night?

I try not to stay up that late. It’s not very good for my all-important mentality. But if I do, I’m usually up cleaning up the inn for Sarah Hawkins. Of course, no matter how late I stay up, I’m always the first one to be up in the morning! Gotta stay on top of things when you’re running an inn like the Benbow! Know what I mean?

9. Do you like carrots?

Carrots? I can’t eat carrots! But I can say I’ve tasted one. It put me through a rush! It’s certainly quite different from my daily oil rations.

10. When is the last time you saw your mom?

Never in my entire life! My creator Martin—that’s my dad—told me that she died before I was even born! He did used to talk about her a lot. Gee, I sure wish I could have met her. She sounded like a sweet lady.

11. What are your exact feelings for your ex?

What? Ex? Do I have an ex?

12. How many houses have you lived in?

Not many really. I did have a home with my dad on my home planet. It was over a hundred years before I found a nice, new home with Jimmy and his mom.

13. How many city/towns have you lived in?

I didn’t find a real home until Jimmy came along. That, and I’ve been nearly everywhere in the galaxy. Does living with Captain Flint for 15 years count? Or should I have mentioned that in the other question?

14. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?

Well…have you seen my feet? I can’t even were socks, let alone shoes! They’d look better on humans. Never try to put shoes on my feet!

15. Are you a social person?

Yes! I’ve always been a people robot!

16. What was the last thing you ate?

I get a ration of oil two to three times a day. And a spot of bite-back bananas hits the spot. I’d say it was flying pop rockets. It always tires me out trying to chase those little suckers.

17. What is your favorite color?

Every single color is my favorite color! Especially blue! I find blue to be nice and peaceful.

18. What are you doing for your next birthday?

My birthday? Gee, I dunno. I don’t ask for much. But I do hope Jimmy gives me a present! I haven’t had a birthday since…well…actually, I’ve never had a birthday in my whole entire life! Which gets me wondering why Dad never gave me one. Oh! I remember! I had to go off and be a navigator for the Gold Lagoon. One of those gigantic merchant galleons!

19. What is your favorite TV show?

I was only just recently introduced to TV, so I’m not particularly sure. I can say I am partial to Phineas and Ferb.

20. If you had the chance, would you get back together with your ex?

I would if I had and ex…which I don’t. At least, I think. Did I even have a girlfriend?

21. Do your folks like coffee?

Not a clue! I never saw Dad drink it and I never asked. Maybe he did while he was making me.

22. You like someone right now?

If you mean a girl, I haven’t found her yet. But I’ve always got Jimmy. Course, he and I are best buddies!

23. Who is your best friend?

Well, I just said, Jimmy.

24. What are you listening to?

I think I can hear this humming sound. Is that me? Must be my inner gears working. Which is always a good sign!

25. Can you sing?

Sure I can! But I’m more of the karaoke type.

26. Do you know how to play poker?

I’m more into checkers. I have the whole checkers concept wired! Lemme tell ya!

27. What are you most looking forward to?

A good work day with the Hawkins family! And a chance to play with the Doppler kids! I love ‘em to death; they are so cute!

28. Any plans for this weekend?

I’ve convinced Jimmy and Sarah to take us all camping! That’s gonna be such fun!

29. Do you have anything bothering you?

Oh, come on! Why would I have anything bothering me?

30. Do you smile often?

Almost all the time! Keeps me and everyone else in high spirits!

31. When was the last time you cried?

It was when Jimmy hugged me back! Ya know, after Treasure Planet blew up. It’s a long story.

32. Have you ever had a life-threatening injury?

I hope not! Well, I did have my primary memory circuit get pulled out. Does that count? Probably not.

33. Have you ever been in an ambulance?

Never in my whole life!

34. Do you prefer an ocean or pool?

Both! Pools let ya play with friends and…well, I guess the ocean does that too. But! You don’t get to see wildlife in a pool! Oceans are also beautiful during a sunset. Oceans it is!

35. Why is your relationship status the way it is?

Not many girls fall for a guy like me. At least, not mutually. Not sure why.

36. What is the color of your bedroom walls?

A nice wooden brown. Well, it’s the style where I live.

37. Do you shut off the water when you brush your teeth?

I don’t need to brush my teeth. I use a special cleaning fluid once a month when it’s time for my monthly tune-up. But if I did brush my teeth, I’d shut off the water. I mean, why waste water? It’d be bad for the environment if I didn’t shut it off! Don’t you think the world’s in enough trouble already?

38. Do you wish someone was with you right now?

I’ve got Jimmy. Sure, I’d like to be with someone right now. Doing this questionnaire thingy is kinda making me lonely.

39. Are you frustrated right now?

No…not really. Why would I be frustrated? Unless I’m trying remember something important. But that’s not a problem anymore, now that I’ve got my memory circuit back!

[tsukihimeyfan]

Things in AtLA that I wish had gotten resolved/addressed better

So we all know AtLA is the Greatest Cartoon Show Of All Time (TM) but I always felt like there were several loose ends that would’ve REALLY benefited from a Book 4: Air, and I wanted to rant about them for a second, so here they are:

1) Azula’s mental health and (possible) redemption: I really wish we had gotten to see Azula come out of the pit she dug herself into. Because of the evil acts we see her commit, we often forget that Azula was just a 14 YEAR OLD GIRL, who had spent all of her life trying to live up to the expectations of her abusive father and who was betrayed by literally everyone close to her in the end. Of course there still should’ve been consequences to her actions, but I don’t believe she was an irredeemable hopeless case. I feel like this line: 

was REALLY telling as to why she did what she did. I often wonder if maybe she’d started out just doing her best to act in a way where she would NOT be punished or hated like she’d SEEN her brother be, and then it just became so ingrained into her that it changed her. Especially since her mother and uncle, the only other adult presences in her life, kept themselves mostly removed from her and ultimately failed her (I understand that Ursa was probably trying her best to help the child she believed was most in danger from Ozai, but if your 9 YEAR OLD daughter comes out of your relationship believing “my own mother thought I was a monster” then you’ve failed as a parent. Sorry)

Aaron Ehasz said this about a year ago:

and honestly I would have LOVED THAT. “At the deepest moment in her own abyss she would have found: Zuko”. Like, what?!?! Zuko getting to be Azula’s Iroh, to help her crawl of the dark place she was in through compassion and kindness?? YES PLEASE!!! Also, imagine what Azula could’ve been if she’d ever decided to use her razor-sharp intellect for Good? This girl conquered Ba Sing Se with only 2 people on her side initially, little to no bloodshed, and no civilian casualties! She could’ve accomplished SO MUCH as Zuko’s advisor/right hand woman or something!

2) Aang dealing with his grief regarding the Air Nomad Genocide: truth be told, we never see Aang truly take the time to cry and mourn over the loss of literally everyone he ever knew and loved aside from those brief moments during the Southern Air Temple and The Guru, and even then he never got to dwell on it for long because the world needed him and he had to focus on that.

I’m quite sad that he never got to have that catharsis, to truly come to terms with his feelings on the matter (besides seemingly focusing all his love on Katara, as we’re told during The Guru). He should have gotten the chance to rebuild his home and find his new place in the world in the appropriately-named Book 4: Air. For example, I’ve seen theories that Ty Lee was a descendant of the remaining Air Nomads, and it would’ve been so great for it to be true and for Aang to go around the world searching for others like her and teaching them Air Nomad philosophy. Also wish we could’ve seen Aang finding and protecting the last Sky Bisons, collecting Air Nomad scriptures with Zuko’s help and spreading them across the world, or restoring the Air Temples to their former glory (maybe Teo and the Mechanist could’ve helped in that endeavor to make up for wrecking the Northern Air Temple. I never liked that at the end of that episode we’re told to think Aang was in the wrong, when literally the last remaining vestiges of his culture had been changed and almost destroyed and he had every right to be angry about it).

3) Toph’s Life Changing Field Trip with Zuko: I really dislike Zuko dismissing Toph’s talk about her parents during The Phoenix King. I feel like it’s quite a bit out of character, since he would of course be able to understand better than anyone in the Gaang how being forced to change yourself to fit in with your rich&powerful parents’ expectations of you feels. You’re telling me that the guy who immediately empathized with Katara when she mentions how the Fire Nation took her mother from her in the Crystal Catacombs (while they were still “enemies” might I add), who encouraged Aang when he felt uneasy about his firebending, who stuck with Sokka when he was feeling down about his plans failing and inspired him to keep trying, who helped Katara find closure on her mother’s death and praised her sacrifice saying “[she] was a brave woman”, and who was comforted by Toph herself just a few days before when he was feeling down about Iroh, wouldn’t take a second to empathize with her? I don’t buy it. 

Also can you imagine the kind of shenanigans two badass rule breakers like them could’ve gotten into??? 

They could’ve saved or toppled a city in one night. It would’ve been EPIC. WE WERE ROBBED. 

4) Aang and Katara’s relationship: just... so much about it. I’m not even going to get into how much I wish Zutara (or the beginnings of it) had been made canon, but if they were going to make Kataang canon I wish they had showed us MUCH MORE of the development of Katara’s feelings. I mean, on the Ember Island Players we leave them with Aang having screwed up by disregarding her boundaries and forcing a kiss (and then never apologizing for it smh), 

and then we get NOTHING until somehow during the very last 10min of the series she all of a sudden reciprocates his feelings in full???? Without anything getting resolved????

Like what?!?! How did she go from A to B???? At least show me how she debated the matter! Show me how she talked about it with someone, or mulled it over on her own! Show me what exactly she found that she loved ROMANTICALLY about Aang! Show me him apologizing for overstepping and her forgiving him! Show me Katara stop babying Aang gradually! Show me Katara having cute blushing moments like she does for her other crushes (namely Jet and Haru) SPRINKLED ALL THROUGHOUT THE STORY WITH INCREASING FREQUENCY INSTEAD OF ONLY ON 2-3 ISOLATED INSTANCES IN THE WHOLE SHOW, WHILE OTHERWISE SHE ACTS LIKE HIS MOM OR OLDER SISTER!!!! Arrrggh we should’ve gotten a Book 4 if only so we could end on that kiss on a balcony properly. They both deserved better than we got.

5) Katara’s role in the world Post-War: from what little I’ve heard of the comics, it seemed as if Katara was relegated to the role of “Aang’s girlfriend”, which was reinforced by what we saw in LoK where she mostly stays in the South Pole while all her other friends are helping save the world. She doesn’t even seem to have her own statue! I find this highly disrespectful of her character, since the Katara we know would’ve “never turned her back on people who need her” and would’ve fought tooth and nail to make the world a better place. She never would’ve been content as a stay-at-home wife. She ends up “in the healing huts” just like Pakku thought she should and that’s so sad😔 I wish we could’ve seen her become a political activist protesting for women’s right to learn combat waterbending at the North Pole, an environmentalist/ecoterrorist, a medical volunteer, an ambassador for Aang’s new Air Nation or for the Water Tribes, a warrior putting the Fear of God(TM) into anyone who tried to assassinate Zuko or Aang, or even all of the above. Katara is a BAMF with strong opinions and we should’ve seen her do something with them goddammit.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

[thewritewolf]

Eating Habits Chapter 17:  Continuing On

Things aren’t quite as bad as our heroes thought they would be, but something else has picked up the slack when it comes to gnawing at Adrien’s peace of mind.

We’re close to the end of Eating Habits - three more chapters to go over the next ten days! :D

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 (Final)

Enjoy!

Read on Ao3

The other shoe didn’t drop in exactly the way that Adrien was expecting.

Despite his worst fears, his life didn’t return to that tumultuous few months following the unmasking of Hawkmoth. The news outlet that had reported on Marinette and Adrien had been little more than a tabloid that got picked up for a hot minute. Besides a few inquisitive phone calls from rather polite journalists, nothing much came of it.

Marinette hung up and sighed as she sat down at the kitchen table. “Where were all these well mannered reporters the first time? It would’ve saved us a heck of a lot of heartache if they had been there before.”

“Some of them were,” Tikki said from her spot on the table. “But polite whispers usually get drowned out in horrid shouting.”

“True.” Adrien put an omelette on a plate and set it in front of Marinette. She took a deep breath and sighed happily. “I’m super glad that I don’t have to sit in the apartment all day just to avoid getting ambushed.”

Marinette frowned. “I feel like there is a ‘but’ in there somewhere…”

“I’m sure you can find it if you keep feeling around,” Adrien joked. After a flicker of a smile passed over her face, her frown deepened.

“That settles it, then. You start with the lewd jokes when you’re trying to distract yourself. What’s got you so worked up, if it isn’t the news?”

Before he could stop himself, his eyes glanced treacherously towards the basket on the top of the fridge. Her eyes followed before understanding dawned.

“Ah.” She said into the cavernous silence that followed, a hundred conversations hanging in the emptiness. “Those. Do you think he saw the news? And that’s why he’s gotten so… prolific?”

Adrien laughed, but it was an empty noise. Prolific, as if it were him making designs just like the old days. Designing, rather than sending Adrien multiple letters a day, hammering away at his hard-earned and tenuous peace of mind. Every time he saw that particular type of envelope, that flowing cursive handwriting, his heart pounded in his chest and his breathing became haggard. It had gotten to the point where Marinette had banned him from getting the mail, but even with her filtering out most of them, his curiosity was building.

What did his former father want? Did he have something to say about his and Marinette’s relationship? Was he finally turning over a new leaf? Did seeing how they had moved on without him make him pull his head out of his ass for the first time since mom died? Well, her first death, that is. Adrien knew he shouldn’t get his hopes up, but… hope was something Adrien had always found hard to give up.

Which is why it was getting ever more tempting to give in and open one of those letters. Just one.

He was startled from his thoughts when a pair of slender arms wrapped around his chest from behind. Somehow, Marinette had snuck up behind him. He gladly took her hands in his as she spoke.

“You won’t find the answers you want to see in those letters, kitty. I promise. It’s just going to lead to more pain.” She sighed sadly. “But you know that already, don’t you?”

------------------

The sweltering summer days gave way to the cool summer nights - a perfect time to patrol. Maybe not in the full body suits, but Marinette was just glad that they were much more breathable than they looked. Swinging across Paris felt great and she hated going without doing it for too long.

Of course, the exertion brought with it a heat all its own. Which is why Ladybug and Rena Rouge could be found high up near the top of the Eiffel Tower tonight, where the winds whipped and they could escape the warmth of the city for a little while. As a nice bonus, it also kept them far away from listening ears and prying eyes. A perfect place to chat.

“The internship is going great,” Marinette said as a way to break the quiet.

Rena tilted her head to the side curiously, a look of confusion flickering across her face for a heartbeat. After a few moments, she smiled. “I’m glad to hear it, girl. It’s gotta be keeping you busy if you haven’t had time to talk about it. I was getting scared you were having an awful time over there.”

“Oh no no no, it’s been great!” Marinette began to warm up to the conversation .”I mean, yeah, they’ve really been keeping me active, but I actually enjoy that. After all these years, being idle just sorta feels… wrong, you know?”

“I get ya, girl.” Rena smiled as she leaned her head back, staring up at the inky black skies. “After that juggling act you pulled back in high school, it’s no wonder you keep putting more and more stuff on your plate. It must all be super easy compared to that.”

“It’s easier than fighting a super villain a day for years, yeah. But it’s challenging in a different way. I can’t just summon a lucky charm in the workplace to get just what I need to fix things.”

“Now that’s just quitter talk,” Rena replied. They both giggled. “But seriously, if anyone can figure out the solution to something, it’s you. Your mind always worked on a whole different plane than the rest of us.”

“Thanks,” Marinette said with a small smile. “Although the biggest problems they have me solve is the fastest way to get my designer what they need - whether that’s a second look at their latest piece, a roll of fabric, or just a coffee depends on the day.”

Rena scrunched her nose. “Doesn’t seem that glamorous.”

“Maybe,” Marinette conceded. “But being a gopher is exactly how I ended up being such good friends with Uncle Jagged, remember? A little hard work pays off in the end.”

Humming in agreement, Rena let the conversation end there. At least for a few minutes before she disturbed the quiet with a question.

“You know, you avoided the elephant in the room pretty well. But it’s not like I don’t know about it already. Even if I wasn’t a journalist, it was all over the news for a hot second.”

“I just…” Marinette sighed and started again. “You didn’t see how he just folded in on himself when the news first broke. He was just so scared and broken.”

“Damn,” Rena said simply. “Is he feeling any better? I tried to scare off the worst of the lot to keep them off your backs.”

“That was you? Thank you so much!” Marinette hugged her friend and pulled away to groan. “He would be back to his usual self, I think… if it weren’t for his father sending letters daily now.”

Rena sucked in a sharp breath. “That bastard doesn’t know when to give in, does he?” She growled. “What does he want, anyway?”

Marinette shrugged. “I don’t know. We haven’t opened any of the letters.”

“You can’t hide from it forever. We both know how that man works. All the determination of his son without any of the compassion or self-examination.”

“Adrien did his confrontation already. I don’t think another is going to do anything but hurt him, especially since Gabe has had a lot more time to think about how he’s going to tear into Adrien.”

“I know. But I also know that you are the one who took him down in the first place, so I know you’ll find a way to stop him again.” Rena squeezed her hand and Marinette smiled at her.

“Thanks.” Marinette’s smile faded as she turned to look at the city. “I just hope I can figure something out soon. I’m worried for Adrien. And with his twentieth birthday coming up…”

“You think Gabe might have something up his sleeve?”

“I don’t know how he could, but he always was full of horrible surprises.” Marinette sighed and stood, stretching her legs. “Come on, let’s finish patrol.”

----------------------

A couple weeks after the news had first broken and Adrien found himself back in the spotlight - however briefly - he now found himself with his head in Marinette’s lap. Her fingers worked their way through his hair as he poured his heart out to her. It wasn’t an unusual scene, but it had certainly been happening more frequently.

During a lull in his venting, she said, “You’ve got a lot going on in here, kitty.” Her fingers traced a circle around one of his temples.

“I guess you could say that,” Adrien said as he rolled onto his back to look up at her.

“And you know I’m more than happy to help you however I can.”

“But…?”

“This might be more than I can help you with. You might need to consider some professional help.”

Adrien grumbled. “Everybody seems to think so too. You. Nino. Alya.”

“Then it must be a good idea, huh? If the people who love you most are all saying the same thing?”

Adrien thought about the pain in his chest and for the first time since Nino had first brought it up, he really gave it some thought. It might take him a while to build up the courage, but… he wanted to start healing. And maybe he had gotten as far as he could get on his own. Maybe it was time to find professional help.

[marvel-lous-things]

Promises

AN: reposting because tungle.hell is a little bitch that messed up the read more link on this and doesn’t deserve rights.

Words: 

Relationships: Family fluff, Pepperony, mentions of Peter’s crush on Harley

Prompt: “Every month everyone has a get together at the pepperony cabin and they have dinner together. Happy grills cheeseburgers for the kids (Morgan, Clint’s boys, Peter, Lila, Cassie, Harley) and they play outside until it gets dark, the older kids giving the younger ones piggy back rides and everyone eating juice pops. Steve is inside, bantering with Bucky and Sam, like the old times. Pepper wishes Tony would be here to see it all.”

—-

It was tradition, at this point, for everyone to meet up in Pepper’s old cabin (she had since moved to New York) on the first Sunday of each month. 

It had begun with a miscommunication. Steve had texted Bruce that he’d be visiting Pepper to check on her and Morgan, on that fateful day a little over a year ago. Somehow, Bruce had interpreted that as “Gather the whole gang, we’re gonna collectively show up at Pepper’s cabin with 35 assorted presents.”

It was a little odd the first time round, what with Bruce apologizing profusely for goofing up, and the cabin being too small to hold everyone while also allowing them some personal space. But she’d decided she liked having them all around. Might as well do it again.

14 months and 14 barbecue meet ups later, everyone looked forward to driving out there for a nice evening of grilled food and banter. And the occasional explosion. To be fair, when you throw two brilliant, reckless, science-loving teenagers and an equally brilliant, reckless, science-loving little girl together, explosions can (and will) occur.

Which is why Happy was very loudly arguing with Harley over using his “new and improved” grill rather than the usual one from Happy’s garage, which was decidedly safer and less daunting to use. To top it off, the damn thing was shaped like a nuke.

Elsewhere, the younger kids were having their own argument, except theirs had a little less to do with barbecue grills.

“Morgan,” Pepper called out, noticing the commotion, “it’s Cooper’s turn now, sweetheart.”

 “But mom-”

“Give it to him.”

“Just a minute!”

“Morgan.”

The 6 year old turned around, gave her mom the most heart-achingly adorable pout, and begrudgingly handed her brand new nerf gun to the older boy (a very well received gift from May). They’d been going at it all evening, shooting empty soda cans off rocks, tree branches, and at one point, Peter’s head.

Steve smiled, watching Barton’s kid shoot a can off Harley’s bike from 10 meters away. And then immediately panicking after realizing the can was actually full. And probably belonged to Harley.

“Kid’s good with a gun, Clint,” Steve noted.

“Scared he won’t take after his dad?”

The glare he received from the arrow enthusiast was borderline terrifying.

“We’ve just got killer aim, Rogers, it ain’t about the weapon. Hand me a gun, stand across the lake, and I’ll show you.”

Pepper laughed, throwing Clint a grape flavored juice pop (his favorite kind). 

“Nobody’s murdering anybody in my house, alright?”

Just before Clint could catch his dessert, though, a web shot out from behind the couch and snatched the sugar infused stick of ice right out of mid air. The web then proceeded to disappear as quickly as it came.

“Well, actually, Pepper,” said a youthful voice, no doubt belonging to the pop thief, 

“the murder would happen outside the house, so technically-”

“Peter Benjamin Parker, you give that back right now or you’re grounded for a month.”

Peter winced. Busted.

“He can get himself another one, May!” He tried (in vain).

“There’s a whole freezer full of em right outside-”

“Peter.” 

May raised her eyebrow at him. Ah, there it was. The look of devastating disapproval. A look nobody could stand to receive, let alone Peter “I cried watching Big Hero 6″ Parker.

“Alright, alright.” He sighed, back flipping over the armrest; a completely extravagant and unnecessary move that was only carried out in case Harley was watching. Peter had been trying his absolute best to get Harley’s attention off late. He told May that it was because he wanted to prove that “he’s the alpha” (May thought her disaster of a son simply wanted to impress his crush. She was right).

20 lazy footsteps and an annoyed huff later, the juice pop was slid across the kitchen counter, right into Clint’s open hand. 

When it was, regrettably, immediately snatched away by Lila.

Clint blinked. “Can’t catch a damn break, can I?”

Laura laughed, planting a reassuring kiss on her husband’s cheek. She’d learned over the past year that Clint had turned to vigilante justice to deal with his feelings of anger and helplessness. She couldn’t have him hunting down members of the Ukrainian mafia over popsicles.

“Calm down, drama queen, I’m sure there’s more in the ice box-”

“WHO TOOK ALL THE DAMN GRAPE JUICE POPS?” Captain America yelled from outside. A sound that was immediately followed by a very ungraceful pterodactyl-like screech, and Clint putting his head in his hands.

“…or maybe not.” She winced.

That was the exact moment Bucky took to walk down the stairs. a sticky purple mess gracing his face. He stopped abruptly when he noticed everyone’s eyes were on him, and just this once, he was sure it wasn’t because they were admiring his beauty. 

His eyes darted around the room, making note of Clint’s deep resignation, Pepper’s terrible poker face, May’s grimace, and Steve nearly falling off his chair in sheer amusement.

He wasn’t fully sure how to proceed.

“Uh…”

He looked around the room again, hoping it would give him answers. 

It didn’t.

“…what’s up?”

Steve actually did fall over at this point, prompting Peter to scream something about senior citizen needing help, followed by Cassie dialing 911 on Morgan’s old toy telephone. Neither of which helped him make sense of what was going on. Although, he had to admit, it was a little funny.

Bucky’s question, however, was answered when Sam entered the kitchen with the force of a very disgruntled wildebeest. He looked around wildly, until his eyes fell on Bucky and his incredibly purple grin.

“You,” Sam glowered.

“Me,” Bucky replied sweetly, slowly wiping the purple dye off his mouth with his sleeve. Which, of course, only served to drive Sam further up the wall.

“YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE GRAPE!”

“True, true.” Bucky shrugged.

“I do love pissing you off, though.”

What followed after was Sam chasing Bucky out into the woods, brandishing his shield and yelling something about how “this shield ain’t only for defending, I’ll star spangle whoop your ass you dick, come back here.”

Clint followed a minute later, on a quest to avenge his stolen popsicle

(This was after they were pointedly told by Pepper to take their battle outside, they’d lost enough vases over the year to the kids’ antics as it were).

Steve eventually found the strength to get back on his chair, and throw an apple in Harley’s general direction. Which was warranted, because the kid kept yelling “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” in this ridiculous (and frankly, offensive) “old man voice” while Steve did, in fact, struggle to get up.

He briefly wondered how pleased Tony would be to see Captain Perfect struggling with real, human issues, like achy joints and a sore back. Almost as if she’d read his mind, Pepper voiced his thoughts. 

“Tony would’ve loved to see you dealing with elderly-man problems, you know.” She laughed. “The number of times he’d complain that ‘Steve goddamn Rogers’ doesn’t suffer from a single grey hair even at the age of 100, while he did even though he was only 50.” 

She made air quotes around the “only.”

“Took a lot of convincing for him to let it grow out, you know, instead of hiding it behind dye after dye,” she rolled her eyes, “he looked at me like I’d told him to give Morgan up for adoption.”

Steve laughed softly. “A herculean effort, I’m sure.”

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it.”

Pepper remembered that conversation clear as day, like it had happened just days ago. Partly because she’d never had to convince someone who was once labelled “Sexiest Man Alive” by Times magazine that he would still be attractive with grey hair, until that strange, strange day, and partly because the method of convincing she’d opted for was… unusual, a little unexpected. But not unwelcome, for sure 

(He’d told her as much the next morning, wearing a stupidly lopsided grin, but no shirt)

Washing the dye off her fingers had been a pain in the ass though. She couldn’t believe he’d actually agreed to letting her color his hair grey. Morgan had shrieked seeing her daddy with “weird hair” (her words), which was not good for the case Pepper was making. But she had eventually warmed up to the new look. She even told Tony he looked nice, of her own accord. After which Pepper had walked in on Tony hugging his daughter and her struggling to get out of the death grip he had on her.

Pepper was snapped out of her reverie when Steve spoke up again.

“Who’s to say he isn’t seeing it, though?” 

Pepper blinked. She wasn’t one to space out often, but when she did, she was disturbingly thorough. 

“Sorry?”

“Tony, watching us,” Steve took a deep breath, “laughing at me struggling with weak hipbones, watching over you, Morgan, Peter…” He looked down at his mug of coffee, that had long since gone empty

“You never know.”

Pepper couldn’t quite place the look on his face just then. Somewhere between sad and hopeful, she supposed.

“You never know,” she repeated under her breath, more to herself than to him.

Steve heard it anyway, and smiled softly at her, before turning to look at the picture Pepper had framed on the living room wall. A picture of her, Tony, and Morgan, taken at the beach. Morgan was on his shoulders, maybe 3, 4 years old then. His right arm was wrapped around Pepper’s shoulder, her left arm around his waist. All three wore contented smiles, Tony’s and Morgan’s achingly similar.

No Iron Man, no arc reactor, no intense, murderous stare, like the hundreds of pictures that had graced every magazine in existence, for a month after his death.

Just plain, good old Tony Stark. The part of him he kept hidden from the world, reserved only for the people he loved.

It was the only picture that did him justice, Steve thought.

“I wish he could see you now, Pepper,” he turned back to her, half his mouth upturned in a small smile, “see how well his two favorite girls are doing.”

Pepper chuckled, gently placing her hand on Steve’s. 

“Oh, he knows,” she nodded, twirling the ring that still adorned her finger.

“I promised him we’d be fine.”

xxxxx

my adhd ass jumping from prompt to prompt: parkour

anyway, thanks for reading

[purplesurveys]

631

General Randomness What's the weather like right now? It’s very bright and sunny out, but January is typically one of the colder days of the year so I’m not feeling uncomfortable right now. It’s the perfectly chilly temperature I would have liked to have all year long. What are you currently sitting on? I am sitting on a chair at our dining table, which is usually where I take surveys. How many times have you brushed your teeth today? Just once.

When did you get up? I’ve been up since 8, but didn’t get out of bed until 10.

Have you been in a vehicle for more than 45 minutes today? I haven’t been in a car at all today cos I’ve only stayed home. Angela invited me to go out for some drinks but I didn’t feel like drinking or being out today, so I’ve been home the whole time.

Where is your best friend? I think Angela is at home but I’m sure she’s getting ready to go out for the aforementioned ^ drinking. I’m not sure where Gab is. How many days until Christmas? Oh wow, barely missed it, chief. There are 355ish days left, I’m guessing? Have you kissed someone today? Nope. Is your mom over 50? No, and she still has a year to go. How old were you 7 years ago? I was technically 14, but was about to turn 15 in a few months. Do you know what 'C'est la vie' means? Yep. In Gen Z lingo, it essentially means, ‘it be like that sometimes’ lmao. Do you usually take showers or baths? Showers, because we don’t have bathtubs and also because I find it much more efficient anyway. I only take baths when I’m out of town, in a fancy hotel, and want to pamper myself with bubbles and fancy body wash. What kind of bottoms are you wearing right now? I’m wearing shorts just meant for the home.

Are you wearing anything red? Yes, the pair of shorts I just talked about. What was the name of your first pet? I didn’t keep track of my first goldfish’s name but a good guess would be Goldie. I wasn’t a very creative kid, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that turned out to be right. Do you live in an apartment? Nope. I’ve been living with my parents under their roof. What color is the floor in the room you're in? Cream-ish. What was the most irritating thing to happen to you today? My thesis professor being a headache to talk to. I am genuinely baffled at how she was able to secure a very high position in my university’s administration, considering how erratic she can get. How do you feel about your most recent ex? She’s great. Do you wish at 11:11? No. Do you wish on shooting stars? I would, if they often visited on this side of the world. But they don’t, so. Do you wish on dandelions? No. There aren’t a lot where I live. Are you drinking anything right now? Mmm no, not at the moment. I finished my coffee a little while ago and while I want to make a second cup to keep myself awake, I have an early morning tomorrow so I’d want to sleep early tonight. It’s back to work for me, ugh. About how tall is your father? Not too tall. He’s like, 5′5 or 5′6.  How old is your oldest living grandparent? I only know the age of one grandparent, and that’s my 73 year old maternal grandmother. I don’t get to see my paternal grandparents a lot cos they live quite far, so with that comes my insufficient knowledge about them.  Do you know anyone who has lived to be 100+? Gab’s great-grandmother, but she passed away last November. Have you had your birthday yet this year? Nope. There’s been a mere three days into the year, so very few people would already have had their birthdays hahaha. Do you read your horoscope on a regular basis? No. You do you, but I was never a fan. It’s also a pet peeve when people use their star sign as excuses for their shitty behavior. “Sorry I acted up, I’m a Scorpio,” “I hate everybody because I’m an Aquarius,” “I ghosted them because I’m a Cancer” no it’s because you’re a bitch, Karen. Do you like the color yellow? I hate it a bit less than green (my least favorite color) only because I love the song Yellow by Coldplay and because mustard yellow isn’t that bad of a color. Are you an aunt or uncle? If my friends start having kids soon, then I’ll be an aunt. Why is your best friend your best friend? They both understand my weirdness and all my quirks and never made me feel like I was being judged. What is your hair like at the moment? Tbh it matches my top pretty well so as frizzy as my hair is at the moment, it still looks good with the tank top I have on lolol. How many times have you donated blood this year? Zero. I’m scared of needles, and even if I get over that phobia I wouldn’t be able to donate anyway because I’m underweight. Are you wearing any jewelry? No, not right now. Are you a video-gamer? I wouldn’t call myself that. I play GTA just to be a law-abiding citizen and not actually do the missions lol, I get tired of playing The Sims after ten minutes, and I only play a handful of Nintendo games. Who got married at the last wedding you went to? My mom’s brother and his then-fiancee, now one of my favorite aunts except for the facts that she’s a hardcore Duterte supporter and Marcos apologist. Do you like Chinese food? Yep, it’s one of my favorite cuisines. How far is the nearest Walmart? I can’t walk nor drive to it, that’s for sure. Have you ever been a designated driver? I’m always DD by default because I’m the only one among my friends who has a car other than JM, who also has a (much bigger) car but is terribly low-tolerance and will absolutely pass out. I get tipsy easily as well, but I sober up real quick and always make sure I’m 100% back to reality by the time I drive. Which means that I typically have to stop drinking earlier than the rest of my friends, but so long as that means I get to take everyone back home safe, it’s okay with me. What is something that always brings tears to your eyes? My mom yelling at me. Who is your 20th phone contact? My contacts aren’t numbered thus I’m too lazy to count manually. Do you have any plans to get a tattoo? It’s not completely off the table, but I’ve definitely toned down my original plans of getting tattoo sleeves and getting myself generally covered a la CM Punk (and I have to tell ya, I’m so glad I grew out of that phase). These days I prefer to have small tattoos to memorialize significant people or events, and some of my plans include my dog’s pawprint and a plate of nachos. Or a new piercing? Probably not. What would your name be if your last name was the color of your shirt? Brown. If you could find out how you would die, would you want to know? Yes. I hate the unknown and would rather be certain, no matter how ugly or nasty the certainty holds. Do you make your bed regularly? Every morning. Do you look forward to the weekend? NO. I have a 2-day meeting for my 2-day weekend. I am so dreading it. I just want to stay a lazy couch blob for another week. How much do you know about the mechanics of cars? I know how to turn a car on, go forward, reverse, brake, and open my gas tank... and that’s about it. Has anyone ever told you you should be a model? Model and beauty queen, yeah. How old was your mom when she had you? She was 26, but was turning 27 that year. Do rainy days get you down? No. I thrive on rainy days lmao. Who is the artist/band you're listening to at the moment? No music keeping me company at the moment. Do you ever take aspirin when you 'feel a headache coming on'? Not aspirin but I take a Biogesic. I dunno if those two or the same thing or not. Is there a calendar in the room you're in? Nope. Do you prefer to be in a relationship or be single? I’ve been seeing a person for technically six years, so now I prefer a relationship after being accustomed to having one for so long. If you're single, do you wish you were in a relationship? Have you ever had your heart broken? Sure. Do you live within an hour of the beach? No. I’m very far away from the beach :( How do you like your steak? Rare or medium-rare. Were you born in the 1980s? I was not. A Few Firsts What was the first sound you heard when you woke up? I woke up to the sound of my mom calling me on my phone. I was half-asleep and didn’t feel like answering, so I muted it and went back to sleep. I feel guilty now that I remember, but she didn’t call back or text me so it probably wasn’t a big deal. Who was your first best friend? It was a girl named Kaye from kinder. We were good friends for like two years, and then we got sorted to different sections in Prep and drifted apart after that. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? I’ve said her name so many times on these surveys already. Y’all know. Who was your first date to a formal dance? I haaaateeeeed the idea of asking guys out and being in a relationship for most of high school, so I made sure I only asked my cousin for my prom. How bad was your first break up? Pretty messed up. There was a lot of tension and resentment and confusion in the beginning. Throw in my grandfather’s sudden death and me taking the UPCAT, and you have my mental health completely rattled! What was your first favorite movie? High School Musical, for sure. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 16. What was your first trip to the emergency room for? My platelet count was really low, I was in danger of getting dengue, and had to stay the night at the hospital. Then there was sticking the IV onto my wrist, upon which I made a complete scene in the emergency room and thrashed and kicked around while my (very frail) grandma (sorry, Lola) tried to hold me down with a lot of patients watching lol. Where was the first place you went today? The kitchen. Who was the first person you saw? My sister, I think. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up? I wondered why my mom called, realized I was too sleepy to care, and went back to bed. Do you remember the first time you spent the night away from home? Yupppp. I was in third grade, my club had an overnight camping thingy as its culmination activity, and it was the first time ever that I was allowed to spend the night somewhere else. I remember being around a campfire, roasting marshmallows for the first time, having to share a sleeping mat with Katreen, and her kicking me in her sleep.

Where was your first big vacation to? Boracay. What was your first job? None yet. I’ll make sure to update you by the end of the year. What was the first thing you had to drink today? Coffee.

Some Lasts Where was the location of your last kiss? My girlfriend’s car, when she dropped me back at my place. How old was the last person you kissed? 21. What was the last movie you rented? I’ve never experienced renting a movie, which definitely confirms my status as a Gen Z kid lmao. But I can tell you that the last movie I watched was Knives Out. Where was the last place you went? Other than around my house, we went to church last Tuesday night for New Year’s Eve mass. What was the last restaurant you went to? Yabu. Who was the last person to call you? My mom, this morning. Who was the last non-relative you spoke in person to? Gabie. What was the last thing you bought? I got dinner from Yabu, haha. When was the last time you drove more than an hour somewhere? December 14th. That evening was INSANE. It was Saturday + Christmas traffic, and it took me two hours to travel from Antipolo to Rita’s place in Makati. JM and I drove separately cos we were a big group - his drive took FOUR hours. Why did you last get angry? My thesis prof was doing us so fucking dirty and I couldn’t do anything about it. What color was the last vehicle you rode in? Blue-green. How long ago was your last birthday? NIne months. When did it last rain? It drizzled a little bit yesterday. What was the age difference between you and your most recent ex? A month and a half. When was the last time you used a dictionary? Maybe an hour ago for a word I used in a past survey lol. Mini iPod Shuffle: Don't Cheat, Use Whatever Song Comes Up, No Matter How Ridiculous (I have several playlists, so I’ll just use the Spotify-curated playlist made for Gab’s account called Your Top Songs 2019 hahahaha) My love song: Love song - Lana Del Rey (Wow.) My fight song: Swim Against the Tide - The Japanese House My break-up song: New Light - John Mayer The song for when I'm sad: Money - Leikeli47 The song for when I'm angry: Constant Conversations - Passion Pit My song to have sex to: Bad Girls - Tennis The song about my ex: Just the Same But Brand New - St. Vincent The song about my best friend: Juice - LIZZO The song about my crush: Seventeen - no rome My 'feel good' song: Venice Bitch - Lana Del Rey The theme song of my life: Formation - Beyoncé I literally know four of these songs, which I’ve since bolded just so y’all know that I have no idea what the other seven songs are and if they make sense with the situations at hand. Gab clearly uses her account more than I do, which should be the case anyway lmfaoooooo.

[addytheheartbreaker]

Yandere! Joen x Addy x Overprotective! Nicol (part 3)

(Warning: this story you are going to read will contains trigger and 16+ that involves angsty theme, mental issues, adult vice theme, mild swearing, violence, gore blood and death of the following story. Please respect and advice not to read it if you are uncomfortable of these topics)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joen's pov

Leaving my dear precious doll peacefully at her bed is such a grace to watch, it makes me feel happy on her safe state. Dying to be on my arms at my home, I started going back to the past where they are still alive.

Father is a great man with a huge popularity of his amusement park, "Great Roger's Madness Play". His reputation is so popular, everyone knows his name and his signature friendliness and kind heart he possessed. He is formally a boy band in his youthful days until She come to his life.

Mother is a famous singer and song writer in any ways. Her beauty stands out every man on their knees and woman and young girls inspired by her feminism and encouraged of young girls to chased their dreams. She work in many business with her family along with her sister who had a son to carry the legacy. Dad slowly fell in love with mom with a reason.

The letter he wrote for me and my brothers to read.

The Roger family has been passing its genes for generations with a twist of truths and secrets of our ancestors. Now that I understand why father loves mother, I guess I'm just like dad with my hair slick back, the perfect arch white rabbit and well.... The reason of loving a mate.

I'm so excited to mark my beloved as mine and mine alone. Well, besides my favorite bunny brother Leon who is the first one to finally mark his lover and soon to be brother in law in the future. Oh~ I wonder what she would look like when we were at the same age as my parents were? Or what dress she would dressed to my imaginable insane wedding that I've dreamed when I was a bunny. Alright I think I would be more then intrigued on what kind of girl if I finally see the true beauty behind all that elegant décor everyday? My guardian angel will take me to heaven to touch her, to feel her, to taste her-

To see how much she loves this Rabbit giving it to me~

Ugh, I losts control now. I needed her, I fucking need to confess my heart out and heal my beloved broken doll to a woman I ever gunna dreamed of. However, I need to be patient once she give in and open her heart for me, patient enough to let me get closer to her. Mother once told me that since she has a strong relationship with father with such love. Addy would be the most happiest girl to finally release those burden chains behind her back and healed all her broken crack porcelain that my pretty little doll possessed.

Now all I needed to do is to get rid of Nicol. I don't care of the peace contract we both had along time ago that I am about to break!

Anything to claim the Doll as my mate! That's what father told me. Finding the right mate to loved would do anything to claim it as mine. I made up my fucking mind to win this. Similar to how my brother Leon would back when we were still at the asylum. I also need to talk to my black rabbit brother for advice before I could finally kick the dog's ass. I'll do it tomorrow to prepared the plan. Nicol the Doberman Dog, our peace allies between our families is off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nicol's pov

I heard that Joen left the dog mansion quickly. Why though? I went to check on dollface if she is alright and safe. I think she is now safe.... For now....

You may be wondering why I wanted to protect her at all cost even protecting her from her mission, preventing her from activating her DEaF power eyes she had explained to my training with her, people who dare tried and harm a single hair from her and death multiple times is because of a many reasons;

She and I are no different then everyone else.... We both experience it in a horrible way....

*flashback, Nicol's traumas and Wilderness era*

The Dog brothers are not entirely as brothers who are related honestly. We were all born at the adoption withe and my little brother together until I have a strong friendship with the 4 pups. We were always together as a group because of our connection we are having and how much we grew up together inseparably. My brother will always be beside me and followed me anywhere until we all started performing and show off our created talent. We became young celebrities together until at age 11. Me, my little brother, my soon to be step brothers and my brother's siblings are all adopted by a man.

The man is my new owner, my master, the one who would take care the whole family despite we are not sure why he adopted us? Learning that the man had knew the 5 of us that we are popular of our talent and give us something that we now soon as celebrities as I formed a group of boys as the Dog Brothers. We are so happy to finally made it.... That's is what I thought of.... Right?

"Bad environment, a horrible influence of a owner, a home filled with vices and master showed me and my brothers the most wicked crime that all of us lost our innocence".

I grew aggressive and wild on these stuff. I'm so uncomfortable at first for introduced me such illegal stuff in such a young age myself. I was just 13 years old when master showed me these things. I grew slowly addicted, it is so wrong yet felt high I'm started to get used to master's drugs and alcohol

Age 14 is my start on partying my favorite clubs. My brothers are also got used to these vices as they do the same wilderness and hunting more and more. I like to fight people and greedy on devouring liquor and drugs everyday on clubs, I've earned myself a nickname as the "Wild Dog".

That is until.... The sudden arresting for illegal crimes had made us realized our whole family are in deep cursed. Realizing that we had changed to the worse which we immediately almost broke our strongest relationship that we, the Dog Brothers we once have togehter. We started arguing and fighting out of no where and I blindedly harmed my own little brother multiple times in a heated tension that I gradually said the words that I broke our relationship with my brother for eternity.

"You Bastard! How dare you offended me and my families name! YOUR A DISGRACE TO MY FAMILY!!! I'M NOT A DISGRACE TO MY FAMILY, I NEVER BETRAYED IT BROTHER!!!"

Those words are all a lie, I did betrayed them being blinded with addictions and obsessions which controlled my whole body like I'm a puppet. Crimes that added on my list while the Dog brothers are all working as celebrities as we secretly hidden our vices from public. The family doesn't want the publics eye to know these secrets which would one day torn us completely with shame

Been arrested then releasing again and again as I reached age 17.

*Imprisonment era*

"Here comes the Wild Dog! A Beast! Ooo so scary *mockingly laughs*, the lil old crazy bitch who do drugs and shit. I heard he killed a man before. He is the guy that we heard from those rumors outside, stay away from him. Such a psychopath, no loved for you and more fuck torture for you to performed. Disgusting disgrace of a family. Are the rumors are true? These rumors are for real!"

Enough! Just fucking stop! Please that wasn't me, that wasn't us!!! I wasn't myself, WE AREN'T OURSELVES!!! Curse you master!!! for making me and my whole family for losing our own innocence and our humanity to this hellhole! Go to hell you asshole!

I'm so broken right now.... I can't take this anymore with the addicting drugs and alcohol, adding crimes is one thing and yet I have almost betrayed the Dog brothers. The public has spreading rumors and news of our crime which shamed our fame and money.

At the end.... We started trying to fix ourselves and our problems to solve as we are officially released after 4 year ago of the Darkest era of celebrity, I'm 18 years old that I have already forgotten who I really am and who my friends are. I have lost my own innocence and humanity on society. Its is time for the Mcgilles Family to rehabilitated our fame, not wanting our fans disappointed and go down on us. They still loved us despite we are in deep burden from the dark time.

*flashback ended, present day. Midnight*

"Nic? Nicol? Nicolas, wake up."

I've suddenly woke up laying on the floor. Was I asleep? And I felt something wet soaking on my cheeks. I look up to see my favorite older brother, Alejandro the Jindo Dog.

"Nic, your crying. And its midnight already. Why aren't you on your bedroom?"

Ah... I think I'm still inside Addy's bedroom floor crying at my sleep as I stand up with the help of Ale.

"Sorry. I'm must have doze off when I got here."

Looking back on Dollface peaceful sleep, still in the same straight sleeping body and her stuffed bunny has dropped beside me when I first fallen asleep beside her bed. I picked up the stuffed bunny with my own hands, looking down to its innocent eyes I cried. I could feel my own body shacking as Alejandro sympathies how broken I am.

"She too innocent back when we were met.... She didn't deserve it brother.... She is as broken as I am, you and our family too."

"I know brother, I know...."

Putting back beside the owner of this stuffed white bunny to the sleeping doll as I gave a one last longing look of pity to the girl then left. I felt tired with my eyes almost shut, unfortunately.... Something tighten my chest that danger is going near. This is a bad sign.

[hexiva]

Book Reviews

I’m getting back into reading fantasy, getting a bunch of random books out of the library if they look good. I thought I’d post my thoughts on them.

The Tiger at Midnight, by Swati Teerdhala Inspired by the culture of ancient India and Hindu mythology, The Tiger at Midnight by Swati Teerdhala features a cat-and-mouse game of deception and thrills between a rebel assassin and the reluctant young soldier tasked to bring her to justice.

Just finished this one. There were definitely times when I thought I was just going to stop and take it back to the library unread. It’s by no means a terrible book, but in many ways it feels too much like every other YA book I’ve read. I really like the concept of the central romance: it’s an enemy romance, which I love, the characters have a pretty equal power dynamic, and there’s no gross abuse stuff to put me off. It also felt like a gender-reversal of the typical YA dynamics - Esha is like the dark, handsome, conflicted romance hero, and Kunal is like the sweet, repressed heroine. I liked that, and I really liked Esha as a character. Kunal was by no means unsympathetic either. But the relationship between the two of them, which was central to the book, felt really under developed. The narrative informs us that they feel something for each other very early on, when they’ve barely spoken, and continues informing us of their feelings, but I kept wondering . . . why? There were a couple of points where there was a line like “It’s strange that I feel so strongly for him given we barely know each other!” and I feel like, when you find yourself writing a line like that, you should sit back and think a bit about why you felt the need to point this out. It felt like there were opportunities for them to be pushed together and bond, and the book didn’t really capitalize on them - or, rather, acted as if they’d already been pushed together. It felt like it was missing a key moment early on in the book where they bond. There’s a reveal halfway through the book (pg 300 out of 500) that they knew each other as children, but it’s too little too late.

5/10. I’m thinking of picking up her next book because I feel like there’s a lot of potential here and I’d like to read a more polished version of this book.

Akata Warrior, by Nnedi Okorafor A year ago, Sunny Nwazue, an American-born girl Nigerian girl, was inducted into the secret Leopard Society. As she began to develop her magical powers, Sunny learned that she had been chosen to lead a dangerous mission to avert an apocalypse, brought about by the terrifying masquerade, Ekwensu. Now, stronger, feistier, and a bit older, Sunny is studying with her mentor Sugar Cream and struggling to unlock the secrets in her strange Nsibidi book.

Awhile back, I was at SDCC, and I walked by a publisher’s booth, and they handed me the first book in this series, for free! They just gave me a whole book for free! I’ve had this happen before at cons, but it’s usually self-published stuff, or spin-off books of dubious quality. But this is a book that’s perfectly relevant to my interests, a YA fantasy novel with an exciting new setting, and they just gave it to me! What a wonderful thing to have happen.

Anyway, I was hooked, and I got the next book in the series out of the library. I loved it. The woman at the publisher’s booth told me this was “Nigerian Harry Potter,” and I definitely got Harry Potter vibes from it. It honestly took me back to my days reading the original HP books in a way none of JK Rowling’s subsequent books (or the movies) have been able to do. That’s not to say it’s a copy, or anything - this series is way more eager to dig into the big, magical mythical stuff that HP mostly only hinted at, and is conversely much more willing to spend time in the real world and discuss real-world issues. It’s . . . really really good.

Also, as a personal bonus for me, there are multiple cool magical creatures which are arthropods - mythical spiders, cool magic wasps, I just love it.

9/10. My mom stopped reading it halfway through saying “As I get older, I’ve had less patience for books that aren’t very good.” But then again, she never liked Harry Potter as much as I did either, so maybe she just doesn’t get our generation.

Click more for reviews of We Hunt the Flame, Bloodwitch, and The Throne of the Crescent Moon

We Hunt the Flame, by Hafsah Faizal Zafira is the Hunter, disguising herself as a man when she braves the cursed forest of the Arz to feed her people. Nasir is the Prince of Death, assassinating those foolish enough to defy his autocratic father, the king. If Zafira was exposed as a girl, all of her achievements would be rejected; if Nasir displayed his compassion, his father would punish him in the most brutal of ways.

I really wanted to like this book. I’ve been reading a lot of Middle-Eastern history and the thought of a fantasy inspired by that is 100% my jam. But this book is just . . . not that good. It’s not offensively bad, it just feels like the first draft of another, better book. I actually did not finish this book. I gave up and took it back to the library.

The main romance feels very predictable, and honestly, it was giving me big Reylo fanfic vibes. The exposition, of which there is massive amounts, is clumsily delivered. It feels like it ought to be the second book in a series, because there are so many past events being explained all the time.

The one thing I kinda liked was the bits of Arabic in the book, and the choice to not exposit the Arabic bits on top of the fantasy bits. And I learned a new Arabic word from this book! That’s a positive.

3/10. Wish they’d spent more time on the editing.

Bloodwitch, by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes (and its sequel, Bloodkin) Vance Ehecatl was raised with every luxury he could imagine in a beautiful greenhouse within the powerful empire of Midnight. Vampires are the only guardians Vance has ever known since he was abandoned by his shapeshifter family as a baby quetzal, and he is grateful to them for generously providing for all of his needs. When an act of violence forces Vance from his sheltered home, he is startled to meet Malachi Obsidian, a fellow shapeshifter with conflicting ideas about Midnight and its leader, Mistress Jeshickah.

This is a new book from an author I loved as a child. Atwater-Rhodes published her first book at 14, when I was four, and I came across her books when I was 11ish and first learning to write. Her book Hawksong was the first romance story I really enjoyed, and its sequel Wolfcry was one of the first times I ever encountered a queer romance in a fantasy novel, at a time I was starting to wonder whether I was queer.

This book still caught the same interest I had in her books all those years ago. Bloodwitch is set in the same world as Hawksong, but centuries later. Personally, I would have preferred a book set in the same timeline, but it was still great to return to this world and its conflicts and magic.

With that said, it wasn’t perfect, and this wasn’t one of those times where I returned to an old favorite author and was like “Oh my god, I never appreciated what a genius she was when I was a stupid kid!” I was particularly struck by Vance’s character arc in the first book, which felt uneven. Vance is raised by the villains, and believes they’re the good guys initially. And then, early in the book, one of them kills his friend in cold blood, shouts at him, tries to kill him, and chases him out of their stronghold. And then . . . he goes back to them, and there’s ANOTHER, separate moment where he suddenly realizes they don’t care about him and turns on them. I really didn’t understand why that first moment didn’t shake his loyalty, but the second one did.

I was also kind of disappointed by the lack of queer characters. A lot of my favorite straight authors, when I checked back in on their work in 2019, have included queer representation, and because I knew that Atwater-Rhodes is herself queer, I was really hoping for some of That Gay Shit.

7/10. Give me that gay shit, Atwater-Rhodes, I know you’re holding out on me.

The Throne of the Crescent Moon, by Saladin Ahmed The Crescent Moon Kingdoms, home to djenn and ghuls, holy warriors and heretics, are at the boiling point of a power struggle between the iron-fisted Khalif and the mysterious master thief known as the Falcon Prince. In the midst of this brewing rebellion a series of brutal supernatural murders strikes at the heart of the Kingdoms. It is up to a handful of heroes to learn the truth behind these killings.

This, this was the book I wanted when I picked up We Hunt the Flame. This is the quality content I want in my fantasy novel. I fell in love with the main character, Adoulla, almost immediately, and I was terrified he was going to die. I just love this prissy, hedonistic, idealistic, middle-aged, fat hero so much, and I will RIOT if Ahmed kills him off.

I liked the other older characters in this book a lot too. Ahmed clearly has a knack for making cool characters. Dawoud and Litaz are cranky old ex-adventurers. Adoulla’s love interest is a middle-aged sex worker who really wants him to commit and marry her or fuck off, and I am so rooting for them, I want them to live happily ever after, they deserve that.

The treatment of sex work and sex worker characters in this book is also a major plus. There’s a lot of moral ambiguity in this book, where I’m not sure which character we’re supposed to believe, but the one issue the book takes a firm stance on is DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE TO SEX WORKERS, THEY ARE PEOPLE TOO. This book is written by a man and is not the kind of feminist fantasy I read a lot of (like We Hunt the Flame and The Tiger at Midnight are) so I was pleasantly surprised by this strong pro-sex worker’s rights message.

On the downside, I did feel like the younger characters were less interesting than the older characters. They still felt like colorful, detailed characters drawn with a skillful hand, but they also felt much closer to the kind of characters you usually see front and center in a fantasy novel. What I loved about Adoulla and company is that you don’t often see fantasy heroes who are fat and old and tired. The romance between the two younger heroes is competently drawn and believable but I did find myself wishing the camera would pan away from them and go back to the cool characters.

Other notes:

I found out that Saladin Ahmed is a Marvel Comics writer and is writing a comic about my favorite superhero, Ms Marvel, and I couldn’t be happier with that news.

I was certain, reading this book, that Ahmed plays D&D and that this book was inspired by D&D, and HA, CALLED IT. My nerd-dar is ON POINT.

9/10. Adoulla is my dad now, no take-backsies.

[speckeh]

My 2019 Garbage Book Dump

It’s 2019! I’m tired, I’m hella gay, and I’m still reading books as much as I can with my busy life! Enjoy this book list with reviews! 

1. Thunderball: 5/5 stars. Mormon jokes. Making fun of dietary changes? A young Italian woman (girl) who controls the island with her beauty. It becomes a mission against nuclear threats against the Europe and the US? Not exactly the MOST thrilling James Bond book, but I had a lot of fun reading it. I’m glad this was my first read of the year!

2. The Lydia Steptoe Stories - Faber Stories: 4/5 stars. I found these short, tiny books in a local bookstore. There were 6 of them on the table and I bought three. Sometimes I wish I bought all of them, but not all of them spoke to me. The Lydia collection was interesting as it held three stories with: a young man being “seduced” by his aunt, a young girl wanting to be a dominatrix, and a woman who wishes she could be youthful again. While I didn’t find the stories awe-inspiring, I did find them extremely entertaining and nice to think about.

3. Emma Cozy Classics: 5/5 stars. I have the pride and prejudice one. While it might not be as fabulous as a full book, but the pain-staking skill of felt art is entirely impressive. It went on my Jane Austen book shelf.

4. Come Rain or Shine - Faber Stories: 3/5 stars. What would you do if your friends thought you were absolutely insane and their lives are falling apart worse than yours? What would you do if your friend asks you to play absolutely stupid to his wife to make him look better and for her to realize her life isn’t so bad that she got lucky enough to not marry you? I for one, would drop these fucking friends and never look back. The story was a fucking train wreck and absolutely insane to the point where it wasn’t even humorous to me. Several authors state it’s Ishiguro’s step into comical writing and I wish he wouldn’t.

5. Passionate Minds - Women Rewriting the World: 1/5 stars. I found this book at my Uni’s free bookshelf. I was super excited to read this book but it’s one of the dullest and full of biases book I’ve had the displeasure of picking up. I got to read about my girl Gertrude Stein but I was expecting more female writers, not actors who the writer obvious gets off on. There’s nothing wrong with that, and this book has rave reviews, I just couldn’t stand the writing style and obvious fawning she had (and not in the academic/historically reserved way authors should be).

6. Wandering Island Vol. 2: 4/5 stars. It’s been two years since the first volume came out. I found myself reading it in record time which has me both disappointed and a bit confused (not because I read it fast, but because of the strange editorial ending). The art is impeccable with a few questionable “obviously a man drew this” moment, the story has kind of been a bit muddled up and didn’t necessarily go anywhere this volume. It felt more of a build up for Volume 3 which I don’t know when will be released. The editor wrote this strange 6 page essay that started off they were going to postpone Wandering Island 3, then went on a long rant about how the manga editing world has changed with ^-^ faces all throughout, only to then write fan theories of where they think the story is going to finish with: “We’ll translate the pages as soon as they come out! ^-^” what the fuck?? Haha

7. Fun Home - A Family Tragicomic. 5/5 stars. I bought this book today and I finished it this evening. I’m still processing everything that happened but one thing I know for sure is that I found one of my top 5 books of 2019 as well as a new favorite already. Alison approaches a hard topic of coming out, learning about her father’s secret life of being bisexual, and coming to terms with the strange person with anger issues that was her father. While my father wasn’t gay, there were several elements of her father I saw in my own. The volatile anger, learning more about his life after his death, hearing shattering truths from your mom, the regret of not having conversations sooner and him not seeing who you truly are before their passing. It struck a chord with me and I’m going to be thinking about this comic book I feel like for two months.

8. The Real McCoy: 4/5 stars. This is like a small wikipedia pamphlet book about the famous names, phrases, or lyrics you might know. I wasn’t necessarily impressed with the booklet, but I found some of it entertaining. I gave it a high rating because it served its purpose but I’m totally gifting it to a friend who loves random facts.

9. The Heart Affirming: 5/5 Stars. Epic poems about the Greek Gods, the universal feeling of appreciating nature, the wondering of the cruelty of humanity. This is a rare find of a poetry book not popular and one I found at my local library book sale that was signed by the author. If you have the pleasure to pick up this 1939 poetry book, please do! It’s a treat from the past that shows we still yearn for the same poetic romanticism we did then to now.

10. Bloom: 4.5/5 stars. I’ve realized I’m going to graduate college in the fall and this weird depression hit where I realized my life is really finally going to change forever. So I’m having a mixture of senioritis where I don’t want to do any work when I’m done with school by Wednesday, and I’m having a mid-century life crisis where I don’t know what to do with my life (I mean I do, but it’s terrifying). So I went on a LGTBQ+ splurge on amazon, something i haven’t done in awhile, Bloom was one of those books. Bloom is a fast paced comic about a high school graduate who wants to move out and move on, but his friends are dicks and his parents want him to stay. Welcome the new hot boy whose grandma just died and conveniently loves to bake. Ari wants to leave the bakery and this new hot guy is just his ticket to leave, or is it? I really liked this comic for the art and the story line was refreshing. But there were several instances where the book moves really quickly and the development was… meh. HeartStopper has great, slow pacing that lets you feel like the characters and story moves in a believable way. Bloom is rushed in some parts, but still.. So cute.

11. Spinning: 5/5 Stars. 2/4 of the LGTBQ+ books I ordered have been read! I read this book the day before valentine’s day and I’ve already been in a weird mode/crisis of being a university senior. I, loved this book for all the reasons why people gave it 3 stars. Everyone stated the story didn’t wrap up, that i jumped, that it felt fragments, but if you read the very end the author state not all books should make sense or follow a timeline or be accurate and these followed her own recollection without revisiting anything. I really appreciated and I loved the style. It’s a heavy book with sexual assault, manipulation, child abuse, and a very unhappy protagonist who isn’t likeable. But at the same time, finishing this book I just felt such grief that I didn’t pursue an art career. That I didn’t just join an art program or give my art career a chance. I think when I’m in the end of my career, retirement, I may go to art school again or maybe I’ll splurge money on lessons or maybe I’ll just accept my art as is. Either way, this book made me fiercely jealous of a 21 year old. It reminded me of a famous story of my dad reading a book about astronauts and crying in the bath because he should have been an astronaut, and how this book made me want to cry because in some form I should have been an artist. But like my dad, we’ve both chased careers that really inspired and gave us amazing opportunities. But I think it’s natural to miss over those childhood passions you didn’t follow through with because you felt like you weren’t enough.

12. My Solo Exchange Diary Vol 2. 2.5/5 stars. I read the first volume last year due to prompting from one of my precious friends (Ramona). My loneliness with Lesbianism was AMAZING. I bought it. My Solo Exchange Diary felt like the author was rambling in circles, completely mentally unwell, and had no ideas of how to properly take care of herself. In Volume 2 she was able to search for some help and she was able to deal with some introspective thoughts about how her viewpoint might have been wrong and how she was toxic to herself and her family. Volume 2 still left a taste in my mouth that felt… weird? She’s moving in the right directions but I think she’s desperately trying to follow the hype of her lesbian hit manga and she’s failing due to her wants to surpass herself. I laughed and felt bad as she mentioned how people slammed her for Volume 1, so it felt very meta to read how she reacted because my comment was also criticizing her: read here. But if you’re reading it in a bookstore or a library, do it. It’s nice to see how she’s slowly making progress with herself.  

13. Sputnik Sweetheart. 1/5 stars. I picked this up in Brussels in the select few english section because the cover was intriguing and the back cover claimed it was a lesbian story. I was so excited, and imagine my absolutely hatred when I realized a straight cisgender man had written a “lesbian” story through the eyes of a straight male who is lusting after his lesbian best friend. He proclaims he gets boners at looking at her breasts and how her eccentric style only makes her that more beautiful just to him. I hate everything about this book. I wish straight cisgendered men would leave lesbian narrative stories alone unless you’re going to write them right. Get the fuck out of my books.

14. Fortunate Beasts: Letters to Lucardo Vol 2: 5/5 stars. The long waited and anticipated sequel to Letters to Lucardo!!! It’s been two years since I read the first volume, supported it on kickstarters, and I’m going to keep funding each release until the quadiology is complete! This had a lot less background building, exciting sex scenes, but you now understand the two lovers and get to see them develop their budding relationship. While it wasn’t as smut riddled as I expected, I was very happy with the continuation!

15. The little Lame Prince: 2/5 stars. DNF. Did not finish in case for those who don’t know/can’t remember (I hardly remember what DNF stands for myself). I’m torn as I want to eventually finish this book but I’m just not in the mood for it. It’s a sweet story but is very slow and from what I can tell, repeats itself a lot. It’s a old book from the early 1800s which explains the somewhat hard language and problematic moments, but it’s still charming. I’ll debate when I’ll try this again. For now, it’s returning to my shelves with a bookmark in the pages.

16. Shounen Houkokusho. 5/5 stars. A shounen-ai soft, wholesome gay family about a little boy standing up for his dad’s long time partner and asking them to get married. Very sweet. So precious. I love.

17. Same Difference and Other Stories: 4/5 stars. This was a reread from my friend Mark who gifted this to me back in december of 2014. It’s been 5 years since I picked up this book and I decided to see how its changed. As an adult, this comic speaks to me a lot louder than it did nearly half a decade ago. Struggling to find your way through life, seeing all your high school “friends” getting married, having jobs, meanwhile you’re just.. Here. Definitely a story I needed to revisit again in the future and also I still appreciate Mark’s notes he left in here for me!

18. Amazing Women: 101 Lives to Inspire you: 4/5 stars. This was my gift after finally being cut loose from the cancer clinic. I never had to go back there again and so I decided to pick up a momento. This was the book I chose that they offered. I really appreciate how they cover diverse women from all over the world rather than American-centric. They don’t go further than 1826, keping mostly within 200 years which is a bit of a bummer. There were also some choices I felt were questionable, like Zoe Sugg (who had her book ghost written and scams her viewers) and that they didn’t have Alison Bechendel was a huge disappointment. But this book is opinionated as they did have to narrow it down to 101 women, so I’m never going to be happy unless I pick my own. I also appreciated that if a diplomat was assassinated they mentioned it in the book.

19. The Epic of Gilgamesh: 5/5 stars. I learned about the Epic of Gilgamesh back when I was a itty-bitty sophomore in high school. I remember being so intrigued and would draw my gay ass characters as the Harlot and Endurk. I think I still have the drawings somewhere and they’re cringey. I bought the book and it’s been sitting on my shelf for YEARS. I did a deep clean of my bookshelves last night from 11:30 pm - 4:30 am, and this morning I just wanted to read since I haven’t been able to for months. I loved it! I love creation myths, old myths from “lost” cultures, plus the language was hella gay in this story. It’s a short 61 pages, so if you have like an hour or two and are in the mood for some myths baby, pick it up!

20. The Making of Pride and Prejudice: 4/5 stars. This book is chalked full of interviews from staff, actors, photos of the sets, and a bit too long section on the director and writers moaning about a script. I loved the photos of the behind the scenes and reading Colin Firth’s reluctancy to take, arguably, his most iconic role because he didn’t care for classical movies. Thought they were boring. Really a cool book to have if you’re a big Pride and Prejudice 1995 fan.

21. Greek Myths: 2/5 stars. I love the artwork in this book, but the author shows a lack of research when he writes the Roman names for the greek gods. I’m all fine with showing a Roman cultural story, but if you’re writing a Greek Myths story, BITCH use the Greek names!!! If it wasn’t for the artwork, this book would be traaash.

22. Wicked: 5/5 stars. I’ve been in a reading rut for almost a month where I’ve felt unmotivated to do anything. Since going back to brief counseling and getting my head on straight again, I’ve felt the motivation to read. I’m also doing the 2019 OWLS for a Wandmaker and this was one of my assignments. I absolutely loved Wicked. The musical came in last month and it reinvigorated my love for the show. I’ve been wanting to read the book, it’s been haunting me for awhile and I found a back of the Wicked series for 5 dollars at my library sale. Snatched that bitch up. I read this 408 pages in two weeks, probably would have in a week but school. God, I related so much to Elphaba. Not so much the whole, feeling like she has no soul, but taking school seriously and not making friends, coming from a religious family and rebelling, feeling like she’s responsible for her whole family, (not feeling like she’s attractive) and seeing her growth and becoming more comfortable with herself really made me feel better about myself? It’s a super dark book, but it’s great. It’s really great.

23. A Children’s Guide to the Night Sky: 4/5 stars. This was essentially the condensed and easier version of my Stars and Cosmology course I took two years ago!! I sped read this and some of the greek myths they described were dumb down/removed the queerness of it. Which is why I took off a whole star.

24. The Life-Changing Manga of Tidying Up: 5/5 stars. Hello Marie Kondo. Everyone is on a cleaning kick/obsessed with Marie Kondo. I liked this comic because it was short and also made her book in a bite size, story drive style. I liked its simplistic form!

25. Julian is a Mermaid: 5/5 stars. I’ve had my eye on this book for a year, ever since it was announced in Goodreads’ monthly list. I found the last copy and snatched it up. I like the muted colors, the art style, the different bodies, and letting little boys know it’s ok to dress up as mermaids or anything feminized. A great message!!!

26. Kiss Number 8: 5/5 stars. This is one of those random comics I saw in the new releases and the cover caught my eye. I read the first few pages and decided to buy it. I loved it as it’s a coming out story but the main story isn’t revolved around coming out. It’s about the complicated nature of family, coming out through the years, and trans themes. I know some people say this book and the characters are transphobic due to misgendering and dead names used, but the main character is catholic. Her family are mega catholic. She’s going to a catholic school. Of course there’s going to be misgendering and dead names used! It’s how people naturally react to news. If you’re super sensitive, I wouldn’t read this book, but I loved it to bits. I held it to my chest like I do rarely with those books that give you the warm feels.

27. Elephi - The Cat with the High IQ: 5/5 stars. This was a book I grabbed at a close down sale. It’s about Elephi who sees a small fiat car abandoned in the snow outside and decides to use his brains to get the car inside the fifth story apartment. The author really knows how cats act and I felt like all the mannerisms were perfect for a year old cat(kitten). Really a cute book that I read in 40 minutes??

28. One Happy Tiger: 4/5 stars. A book about a tiger counting friends. Cute. It’s a children’s book. Not too substantial in anything.

29. The Language of Thorns: 5/5 stars. Ok WOW. I bought this about a year ago during B&N’s signed deals where they just had a ton of books signed by the authors. I’ve seen this book floating around on BookTube for awhile and I decided to check it out at the bookstore. The illustrations sold me and I bought it. Imagine the already dark Grimm’s fairy tales, but darker. More context for the characters: Ursula, the Nutcracker, Hansel and Gretel but if Gretel was the only one at home. Really amazing stories and if you’re interested in dark, pretty illustrations that change with each page, pick it up!

30. Satoko and Nada vol 1: 5/5 stars. Ramona and I went to B&N yesterday, just sitting around like two useless gays reading a bunch of manga. This is one she picked out and told me to read it. You know me, as a white academic I am constantly on the lookout for narratives that aren’t white and can educate me. This was one of them! Satoko is from Japan while Nada is from Saudi Arabia, both are exchange students in the US. Their friendship, learning about each other’s cultures is so fucking cute. ;0;

31: I Hear the Sunspot vol 1: 4/5 stars. I docked this down from a 5 star rating because it just jumps into a established plot. I had no idea if this was a continuation from another series or if the author purposefully just threw us in the mix of an established gay relationship but they’re not really (they are but they’re confused) with some flashbacks that looks like it came from another volume? But despite those factors, the art is gorgeous. The characters are well developed and have complex background and stories to tell (one of the main characters has a degenerative hearing issue and will eventually become deaf).

32. Building Writing Center Assessments that Matter: 4/5 stars. This was a required text I had for a independent study I was a part of where I created a assessment of the climate of where I worked. This is a great resource in learning how to build assessments from scratch, and if you’ve never conducted one. I found the information they gave was limited to assessment of students who use the a writing center, while my assessment was more focused on how safe, valued, and heard those who currently work in the space feel. A great way to step into assessments!

33. Mary Ventura and the Ninth Kingdom: 4/5 stars. This was the first fictionalized piece of Slyvia Plath I’ve read. I can understand why it wasn’t published at first. There’s a lot of loose ends. Why was Mary going to the Ninth Kingdom? Why is everyone so placant in going to a “hell” type place? Also what the hell was the ending and her running away? This story left a lot to be answered, but I also love that about this short story.

34. Momo to Manji Vol 2: 5/5 stars. Volume two of one of my favorite historical yaoi mangas. It’s still hasn’t been fully translated just yet but I love it all the same!! So many complex characters, relationships!

35. Sweet Blue Flowers Vol 1. 5/5 stars. The first edition of a 5 volume series. Ramona told me to read this and I devoured the first book! Wholesome young girls falling in love with each other! Boyish girls who are heartthrobs! Unrequited love galore! Definitely going to check out the rest of the volumes!

36. Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me: 5/5 stars. Man. This comic took me through a roller coaster of feelings. First it kind of made me miss the constant interactions I had with people in junior high and high school. It also reminded me heavily of my first gf and I wondered if she and her friends viewed me as Laura Dean (in terms of being too cool. I never cheated lmao. And always just out of reach). It made me melancholy for a younger me who was also hopeless in love with their best friend. It was a wild ride, but one I recommend wholeheartedly!

37. Lovable Lyle: 5/5 stars. I’ve been looking at this little crocodile for awhile and I’ve come to the conclusion he is me. This book was silly but heartwarming as Lyle is beloved but suddenly receives letters from his sworn enemy. They try to ignore it, but they are persistent until they catch the culprit. Fucking ridiculous story but I loved every second.

38. The Great American Pin-Up: 5/5 stars. It was really cool how they sectioned off each famous artist of pin-ups. Some of them were tasteful nudes, semi-nudes, or lingerie teasing moments. As someone who is both gay and used to draw pin-up girls, this is a great reference!!!!

39. Drawing the R.A.F.: 5/5 stars. This book is one of those rarer finds. A british artist was commissioned to draw the officers of the R.A.F. in the middle of World War II. Some portraits are far better than others, but the worser ones are attached with amazing stories. Such as a 6”6’ pilot having to be physically shoved in a spitfire. These are fantastic and the art work is really beautiful.

40. Where’s Will? 4/5 stars. Where’s Will is a William Shakespeare version of Where’s Waldo. The art is beautiful and the hidden characters are extremely clever. However, I remember so often spending hours upon hours trying to find Waldo and the extreme satisfaction of finally finding him. Where’s Will I could find him within 5 minutes. It never went long enough to the point I feel worn and frustrated and finding several more interesting characters. He stood out more than he should and I flew through this book that Waldo would find insulting! But the illustrations are beautiful!

41. Carr’s Pocket Books - Florence Nightingale: 4/5 stars. This mini collection of Nightingale’s journals throughout her life is really interesting. As a woman who revolutionized what it meant to be a nurse and nurse practices, it was nice to see her own words from age 9 to 90. She was an elegant little girl with her writing and she showed wisdom beyond her years. Did I learn anything substantial about her work? No. But I did come to know her on a far more personal level that I appreciate.

42. Carr’s Pocket Books - How Horatius Kept the Bridge: 5/5 stars. Another one of these small pocket sized books I bought in Oundle, England. I don’t know why, but I’ve just been desperate to go through my books and get rid of any and all that don’t speak to me anymore. I also just want to read, a lot. This was part of my kick this week, trying to get through as many as possible. This poem story is about Roman soldier Horatius and how he single handedly took the Bridge against the Greeks. It’s a military triumphant, silly, and mystical, but I really enjoyed the structure of it. It was short and sweet.

43. Echoland: 3.5/5 stars. Echoland follows Arvid, a 12 year old Norwegian boy who visits his grandparents in Denmark for the summer. However, he’s growing up and he’s realizing that his parents are strained for some reason, his sister is too grown for him, and his grandparents are getting older. This book was confusing. It was short, quick, and I think younger children would enjoy this book more than me. It deals with more adult themes but through the eyes of a 12 year old. However, I found a lot of the storyline to be confusing: Why does Arvid not want to be touched? Why are his parents fighting?? Why does he hate all the men in his family? Why is he pushing everyone away? Why are his parents putting up with his attitude? There are a LOT of questions I have and there’s no real answer to be found. Maybe it’s the author’s style, but I found the story to be not as believable, but still enjoyable.

44. Mathilda. 2.5/5 stars. Mathilda was an audiobook I listened to as I suddenly got a migraine at around 6 pm and it didn’t let up until around midnight. The last three hours I’ve been listening to it. I thought this was Matilda from Roald Dahl but was instead by Mary Shelley herself. This was a very bizarre story. I really enjoyed the first half of the story which is about Mathilda writing a final letter to her best friend upon her deathbed. She’s retelling him her tragic story and how the death of her father was her fault. Her childhood was very bleak, touch starved as her mother died and her father abandoned her to his half sister. Her half sister wasn’t warm to her and saw her as a pest, which had Mathilda growing up til she was 16 without a father. Suddenly her father decided to return and within 2 months of his return her aunt dies, and now she’s in his custody. At first everything is fine, until her father starts to lash out at her and is very distant. He at first wants Mathilda to replace her mother and then rejects the idea. They go for a walk and Mathilda presses her father to tell her his deep secret and why he hates her all of a sudden. He refuses until she presses on and then he tells her that he lusts for her. She freaks out, he almost dies in the woods from shame, and then he leaves the next morning. Mathilda is then angry because SHE wanted to leave her father, but because he’s abandoning her again she chases after him. She finds him dead in a hotel room and then Mathilda begins to resent life and living. The story was great up until she decides to chase her father after he leaves her. It became a jumbled mess and Mathilda herself says her mind is a little mad with her decisions. The story started off as an intrigue with beauty descriptions, intense, and then just went bat shit crazy. The story ended on beautiful reflections on nature and how death is not beautiful for those living, but it really lost me. The last hour was a drag. I would definitely suggest listening to it if you have a migraine!

45. Megume to Tsugumi: 5/5 stars. Gay comic, lmao.

46. Golden Sparkle: 5/5 stars. I don’t remember the plot but it was cute.

47. Maltese Falcon: 2/5 stars. I was forced to read this for a film and literature class. Everyone was ranting and raving how the main character should be a male role model but that’s extremely stupid. Look, I love bad male representation (looking at you James Bond), but he was just trash. I get this is a famous crime novel, but GOD. It’s bad.

48. Maiden & Princess: 5/5 stars. This was about a maiden going to a ball who everyone thought she would marry the Prince. Except she and the Prince are best friends and she really fell in love with his sister. We love pride month books!

49. Prince & Knight: 5/5 stars. A gender-swap of Maiden & Princess except this was a Prince who goes off to slay a dragon to save his kingdom only to fall in love with a knight and marry him. SO GOOD.

50. Komi Can’t Communicate, Vol. 1: 4/5 stars. My friend Ramona told me to read this volume since she read it and loved it. While I loved the art and Komi, the story line was just a tad flat for me. It’s a really fun series if you like high school semi-romance but mostly heavy on friendship~!

51. What was Stonewall? 3/5 stars. This was one of those children informative books where they retell a piece of history. I thought this was great for children who know nothing about Stonewall but are hearing it from Drag Queens or in June for Pride History Month. I thought the information about Stonewall was short and concise and also good for children, however the book did verge off point and talk about other points of history as well as random actors who are gay. This is good, but it isn’t Stone wall, you know?

52. Pride: The Story of Harvey Milk and the Rainbow Flag: 4/5 stars. I watched Milk and I cried at the end. I’ve been wanting to know more about how Milk created our Pride Flag and this was another one of those books where it’s curated for children. So I appreciate the run down version it gives us, but they had to “modify” what the stripes mean, such as purple being Sexuality. Let kids hear the unfiltered truth!

53. TBH #1: TBH, This Is So Awkward: 4/5 stars. This was in the teen new released section and it’s a book of text messages. I hated this book, but also was way too invested in it when I was reading it out loud to my date. It’s just a bunch of middle school people sending love notes, getting the Valentine’s Day dance cancelled because they won’t stop using their phone and their principal said “Social Decency.” And then it ended by one of the girls bringing the valentine’s day dance back by creating a Task Force to enforce no texting during school. It was fucking wild and I loved every page I flipped through and wrote in.

54. Adaptations from Short Story to Big Screen: 4/5 stars. I liked it well enough, it was a textbook so I didn’t really read the stories in-depth. However, there are two stories I absolutely love which are Field of Dreams and Smoke Signals.

55. Our Father Who Art in a Tree: 5/5. I loved this book. It’s very true to the experience of what it’s like to be depressed and the first few months of deep grief. While I didn’t lose my parent until my teenage years and my brothers were older, but the strained relationships grief causes is so fucking poignant.

56. Little Miss P: 5/5 stars. I know it’s strange, because it’s a man writing a book about periods, but this was an excellent book. It really showcased the love-hate relationship women have with their periods and also sometimes accurate representations of what it feels like.

57. Ginza Neon Paradise: 4/5 stars. I don’t remember reading this manga! (I’m updating my book list after some months)

58. Na Leo I Ka Makani/Voices on the Wind: 5/5 stars. A book of history and photos of native Hawaiians, royals, and other cultural aspects important to the island. Some really cool photos.

59. Satoko & Nada vol. 2: 5/5 stars. Satoko and Nada are back again, continuing on with their studies and friendship. This book still continues to teach westerners some cool Eastern values while the main characters are learning about each other as well. I think the 3rd volume will come out soonish and that might be the end!!! I love this little series!

60. Annie on My Mind: 5/5 stars. One of the first lesbian novels to show a happy ending with the characters. It’s very much a high school love story and first real love. There were some parts of the story that were absolutely aggravating, painfully embarrassing, but also really heart warming. It’s a queer foundational book in literature, and if you’re interested in the history of queer literature, this should be on your list.

61. Killing Stalking: 5/5 stars. The comic finally ended. I started reading it in 2016 and finished in 2019. God was it a ride. It was full of conflicting feelings, creepiness, and an ending that leaves the reader confused, fulfilled, and also not fulfilled at the same time. I wouldn’t suggest reading it for those who are squeamish with gore, violence, and dark sexual themes, but it’s a fantastic read into what it’s like to experience stockholm syndrome and intense violent trauma.

62. Go for it, Nakamura!: 5/5 stars. A high school student falls in love with his popular classmate, but his classmate doesn’t know he exists! A cute gay book about falling in love, making friends, and pushing yourself to achieve your goals!

63. The Great Gatsby: 4/5 stars. The next two books are books I listened to while deep cleaning my room. It took me two days to fully clean my room, and this was also a challenge for my N.E.W.T.S 2019. I remember reading this book in high school and liking, and I think I lent out my copy and never saw it again. I bought it recently and decided to give it a re-read/listen. I think reading the book would have made it more engaging to me, but I found the themes to not be as impressive as an adult. Maybe it’s because I can’t relate to the characters or their choices are so dumb that I just can’t believe it anymore, but it was still entertaining to listen to. The narrator was great!

64. Emma (Narrated by Emma Thompson): 5/5 stars. This feels a bit like cheating because this rendition was not only abridged, but also had live actors. I’m very familiar with Emma, and Emma Thompson as the narrator was a genius move. However, do I feel like I read/listened to Emma? Not really.

65. Fresh Romance, Vol. 1: 4/5 stars. Half of the stories were very confusing and not very good. However, I really loved two stories about a Regency marriage and a spin off of Beauty and the Beast. I would read this volume just for those additions.

66. Pilu of the Woods: 5/5 stars. A cute story about emotions, friendship, and the woods. It even has a recipe on the back I want to read it!! The colors and characters are adorable. The storyline might not be as solid, but it’s a great read!

67. Ou-same to Puppy Love: 5/5 stars. A foreign prince falls in love with a neat-freak government official. Queue stupid boys in love!

68. Sugar Days: 5/5 stars. Childhood best friends, one small and manly, one tall and feminine, both love each other without having the courage to tell the other!!!! Very cute!!!!!

69. The Tea Dragon Society: 5/5 stars. I remember seeing this book a year ago and how everyone was ranting and raving about it. However, I never bought it or saw it. My best friend brought it over the other day for me to read and I could finally see what the fuss was about. QUEER CHARACTERS, LITTLE DRAGONS WITH TEA LEAVES GROWING OFF OF THEM, MULTIPLE REPRESENTATION!!!! IT’S SO GOOOOOD!

70. Luminous Animal: 5/5 stars. A jazz poetry book. It’s interesting how Tony Moffeit can write the same theme over and over, with the same lines but in different poems with different perspectives. It was really cool!

71. Still Mostly True: 5/5 stars. A weird poetry book that has philosophy and deep meaning poems with also weird ass drawings. However, my poetry book had inscriptions from someone else to their friend. The inscriptions were sometimes very annoying, but also kind of heartwarming how this friend made sure her friend knew she was thinking of her and loving her.

72. Sky, Wind, and Stars. 5/5 stars. A poetry book that was a Korean activist who was murdered by the Japanese through medical experiments for his radical poetry. We watched the movie in my Korean History through film class, and I loved it to bits I wanted to read his poetry. The movie downplayed just how radical his poetry was. Even as a English speaker, I can clearly see the activism, Korean pride that was written during the Japanese occupation. It was a wonderful poetry book, and an important one to Koreans at that. If you have the chance to read it, please do.

73. Memoirs of a Geisha: 5/5 stars. Haley (one of my bffs) recommended me this book like 3 years ago. It’s her favorite and I kept saying I would read it. August was the N.E.W.T.S. challenge and this fit the category of “audiobook” as I listened to a fan read audio of it and then had to read the last 7 chapters. I completely see where my friend finds inspiration in her writing from this book! I really loved the sad story, the harsh reality of Japan, even if this book was more on the idealized version of WWII in Japan and how Geishas were. Some of the thinking of Chiyo I feel could be chalked up to white men ideal sexualization, but overall I really enjoyed this book! Plus the fan who read it was really into her characters and she made the experience really fun.

74. Be Prepared: 5/5 stars. When you’re poor, Russian, and have the All-American-Girls as your best friends, life is extremely hard. No one likes your Russian food, the smallness of your home, and listening to a language not their own. VERA NEEDS SOME FUCKING NEW FRIENDS. As someone whose best friend is Russian, has a sister-in-law who is Russian, and a nephew learning to speak Russian, some people are really insensitive and it drives me nuts. I know a lot of people are upset with this book because it’s not a “full memoir” and yet is described as a memoir. I’ll just pose the question, can you remember 1 month straight at 10 years old, from people to dialogue? No? Yeah, cut the book some slack. This has great representation in terms of Russian culture and learning through it from little Russian eyes.

75. Kiraide Isasete: 5/5 stars. It’s another gay manga.

76. I married my best friend to shut up my parents: 4/5 stars. While I appreciate this story is light-hearted, it seems a bit far fetched for my taste. Also the main character doesn’t believe she’s gay, so I find it hard that a) she would actually get married and b) would just readily fall in love with her friend when she’s literally had no sexual desire for anyone. But other than that, it’s a ridiculous love story and it’s to the point!

78. Heartstopper V.2: 5/5 stars. I already read this awhile ago but I finally got my copy! So I’m just putting it in my list!

79. Raven: 5/5 stars. Raven is the first installment of the origins of the Teen Titans characters. I really loved this novel since Raven has always been a dark character in the original show. This book explores her experience with death, coming to terms with her birth origins, and New Orleans with ancient magic. A great start to a series I’m looking forward to reading the rest of!

80. Heartless. 4/5 stars. A child is taken care of by a succubus (male) after a religious cult burns down a hospital to get rid of the succubus. This story is intense in the gore and horror, but pretty light in plot. There’s no real driving force behind the characters and what they do, no explanation, it’s all just there for the reader to assume it just happened. But the characters were dynamic and interesting with superhuman powers and abilities.

81. The Adventure Zone Vol. 2: 5/5 stars. Every time I see Madame Director I sigh in relief because she exactly looks how I envisioned her while listening to the podcast many years ago. The story line is short, I feel like some of the build up jokes are lost or the frustration Griffin has with his brothers and dad that make the podcast so hilarious are missing, but it’s a really beautiful comic and also a great way for people to start listening to TAZ and MBMBAM

82: The Wind in the Willow: 4/5 stars. An audiobook I listened to. I had the paperback but it was too much reading for my mind for a classic children book. When I found the option on Libby, I listened to it as I started my preparations for the start of my final semester as an undergraduate! It went by fast, the actors were in their characters and there were some songs performed. I really enjoyed it, even if Mr. Toad is ANNOYING AS FUCK. Would recommend for those wanting to kill 2 hours of their time.

83. Classmates: 5/5 stars. High school sweethearts? Can’t express their feelings well? Uh, sign me the FUCK uP.

84-108. W Juliet: 5/5 stars. I haven’t read W Juliet since I was in 7th grade. I remember that I loved it so much that when I was in high school I began collecting the volumes and proudly put it on my shelf. I used to have two bookshelves worth of manga, and when I grew older I sold them but only kept two series: Marmalade Boy and W Juliet (I’m gonna read Marmalade Boy next). I’ve been wanting to reread W Juliet recent and revisit Mako and Ito’s silliness, and with the long weekend I did. I was not prepared for the analysis it would give me to my own life. Like, holy shit. This manga series was so important in developing me who I was as a kid, (some of them very mild kinks that my rp friends are subjected to), the loss Ito has and her issues with gender and like 100000% me and how I don’t like masculine guys at all with their toxicity (hello Mako, you summer child boy). I honestly want to do a fucking research paper on this series with an analysis of myself because of how much I love this series and how I connect to it. You can bet your ass this manga is coming with me for the rest of my life.

109-117. Marmalade Boy: 3/5 stars. Marmalade Boy was the manga that started it all. I remember being 8, having found the manga section with my best friend, and we decided to share reading Marmalade Boy. I was so captivated by the story that I made her wait in the car at her house, refusing to let her have the book until I finished it. It was the final of the volume, and it wouldn’t be another 3 years until I read the series OUT OF ORDER. I kept rereading this series, picking it up, I remember it felt like watching a movie. As an adult? God this series is really awful. The characters are very annoying, the teacher is very creepy, the plot moves WAY too quickly, and no one knows what consent is. It’s fucking insane. 1-7 volume is trash, but the 8th volume really put to life in the characters. For one, they’re older, it's been a few years, and they can step back from the crazy lives of high school. If it wasn’t for the sheer nostalgia, I would be giving these books away. But you gotta pay respect to those books that introduced you to life changing moments.

118. Ouji to Kotori. 4/5 stars. An art student, a prince who buys him, trying to escape, foreign lands, a story that has a “romantic” but is open ended. I liked the flow of the story, the art, and the characters were actually believable.

119. Mean Girls Club. 3.5/5 stars. Mean Girls Club is a 1950s tale of girls rising against the patriarchy through sex, survivor, drugs, and murder. The art style is amazing. But the story line is flat and feels rushed. Not a favorite, but still pretty enjoyable.

120. Grumpy Monkey. 5/5 stars. Grumpy Monkey is the story of a monkey who wakes up grumpy. Despite everyone not believing he can be so grumpy on a beautiful day, him denying that he’s grumpy, and getting angry at people telling him HE’S grumpy, is such a goddamn mood. Nothing pisses me off more than people telling me my mood. You don’t know me. Fuck off. Anyways, this also felt like a mental health book for kids, letting them know it's ok to NOT feel ok. As long as someone is willing to listen and not wanting to fix your grumpiness.

121. Dia de los Muertos. 4/5 stars. A children’s informational book about the Day of the Dead. Short, simple, great education.

123. Wild Cherry. 4/5 stars. Wild Cherry is a poetry book I’ve been totting around for 2 months but have had no energy to pick it up. I’ve been very depressed that I haven’t had time to read, and despite me falling asleep right now, I forced myself to read it. It felt very repetitive after a while with her constant calling back to long lost love, death, and April, but I appreciated the 1923 themes that were NO doubt soo popular.

124. Through the Woods: 5/5 stars. A horror comic book that reminds me a lot of “Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark.” I lent it to my co-worker since he loves these types of stories!

125. Dancing with Mr. Darcy: 1/5 stars. I read the first story which was Jane Austen crossing the River Styx and facing her judgement and then I tried to read the rest and it was all so fucking boring??? I put the book down and will not be continuing.

126. The Night Diary: 5/5 stars. So this was an audiobook I listened to during the week I had awful vertigo. I couldn’t go to work or university and I laid on the couch, glasses off, just listening to this story. If it hadn’t been read to me, I don’t think I would have loved it as much. It follows Nisha who is forced to leave after WWII when India is split into New India and Pakistan. All muslims are allowed to stay, but all Hindus must leave for New India because of territorial wars. It follows the dreadful path during the desert, the violence they faced, and the child’s innocence slowly being robbed from her. It’s all told through Nisha’s diary who pens it to her mother. The voice actor did a wonderful job.

127. We Contain Multitudes: 5/5 stars. Tiny twink nerd falls in love with Giant Jock football star. And then he falls in love with the nerd and they’re hormonal and coming out and angst with love. I understand why people are upset with the novel: the plot twist seems like a total cop out that the author placed and a 15 year old dating a 18 year old can get borderline statutoary rape. However, I absolutely loved this book. It was refreshing to have a “coming out” narrative that wasn’t focused on coming out, but rather these two boys falling in love through letters, reading the cringe of HS romances, and desperately following these boys through it all. It’s definitely a favorite I read this year!

128. Lovely War: 4/5 stars. This is the third book I read while going through vertigo, and my second audiobook. It’s set during WWI, following two love narratives but told through the perspectives of the Greek God. It was really refreshing, the voice acting was excellent, and I really enjoyed listening while dizzy constantly. I would have given in a 5 star rating, but near the end, Hazel’s pixie-manic girl stereotype was getting out of hand and her hypocrisy was really fucking annoying. However, up until that point, I really enjoyed it and recommended it to several friends!

129. The Assassination of Brangwain Spurge: 4.5/5 stars. I really struggled not giving this book five stars, but I thought some of the narration and story-telling could have done a tiny bit better. This was a great audiobook to listen to while I packed and finished projects before my plane ride to my first ever work conference. I was bummed out that I couldn’t listen to this audiobook on the plane because Libby requires wifi, but I really enjoyed the fantasy comedy of this book (even though fantasy tends to be a topic I don’t dare approach because it just through you into a world with no explanation). 10/10 would recommend to strangers on the street.

130. Aaron and Ahmed: 4/5 stars. I read this books during my great “aaaAH I’M GRADUATING TIME IS UNREAL” So these will be short. A story about after 9/11 and the brutality American soldiers went to gain answers, even if there were none.

131. The Tea Dragon Festival: 5/5 stars. Dragons? Tea? LGTB+? Who could ask for more??

132. Roadqueen: Eternal Roadtrip to Love: 5/5 stars. Lesbians calling out how trashy other lesbians treat girls who generally like them. “Fuck Boy” was used a lot and I loved this.

133. Skull-face Bookseller vol. 1: 5/5 stars. A skeleton tries to sell manga and explores the crazy customers who come in, the social mistakes foreigners make with Japanese booksellers, and Honda-san doing her best to survive in her job.

134-136. Beastars Vol 1-3: 5/5 stars. I saw a bit of the anime and realized there was a manga. I bought the two volumes I could and then the third one from amazon. I really enjoyed this series and look forward to reading it more!

137. I hear the Sunspot Vol 2: 5/5 stars. It’s nice to see the couple going on, even if its GUT-WRENCHING and stupid how they refuse to communicate!!!!! But it hits hard topics of the community for the hard of hearing and functioning in a world where signing is considered not important enough to teach.

138. Pink: 5/5 stars. A sex worker who spends all her money feeding her alligator and the trouble she gets into. Weird art style and at first I opened this book and didn’t buy it. 3 months later, decided to buy it and I adored it.

139: Restless: 4/5 stars. I don’t remember much about it, but I think it was cute. Maybe boyfriends find each other again?

140. How can one sell the air?: 5/5 stars. I’ve had this “calling” to start really reading native american stories and heritage. This is a controversial book with Suquamish people as they either see their leader finally giving up or instilling courage to stay firm even as the world does their best to destroy them. I really enjoyed reading his speech.

141. Skull-face Bookseller Vol. 2: 5/5 stars. Honda-san comes back again with her friends and exploring working in the shop with more crazy customers but also with her new found fame being a manga artist.

142. Gold Rush Women: 4/5 stars. A lot of white women with these narratives, which was disappointing since most of the Gold Rush Women were indegenious or came from other areas of the world rather than just Europe or East America. Wish there were more stories on the black, mexican, indegineous, or chinese women who were forced into slavery or abused or helped create the west.

143. No one is too small to make a difference: 5/5 stars. Greta Thornberg amazes me. Here we have a 15 year old with aspergers who is doing her best to inspire scientists, politicians, and anyone in the world to take charge of our climate change issues. It also amazes me how many people are threatened by a 15 year old and she’s forced to repeat herself in her speeches because people refuse to listen to what she has to say. She’s amazing.

144. Ookami he no Yomeiri: 3.5/5 stars A bunny and a wolf get married. What more can I say?

145. Monody: 3/5 stars: Monody is a strange poetry book. The lyrical writing leaves lacking in terms of uniqueness and deep thought, but aesthetically it is beautiful. Blue font paired with geographical maps of Reno, Nevada, the poetry book comes off more of an art piece.

146. Usagi no Mori: 3/5 stars. Uhmmm. Don’t remember…

[adrianalxander]

Lover

So as a Taylor fan, I of course waited until the clock struck 12 to listen. I was in my car and listened to it on my car stereo for the best sound so I could hear everything each song has to offer. I had some mixed feelings about the record but now that I’ve had a few days to really let this album simmer, I must say that I really do enjoy it. Is it my favorite Taylor record? No. But it has some very promising songs that are gonna stick with me for as long as I’m her fan...

Since the album is about love, I’ll be using the 💗 emoji to score.

Highest score: 💗💗💗💗💗

1. I Forgot That You Exsisted // 💗💗💗💗

So for me, this definitely sounds like a continuation of “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” off Reputation. I love that it’s not over produced and sounds like she’s talking about the Kanye situation one final time. To me, she’s pretty much saying, look, all that stuff really doesn’t matter to me anymore. This album is beyond everything reputation was about, so for starters- I’m chuckin the deuces to all my haters! Ahhhh I love it. Good way to start this record for sure!

2. Cruel Summer // 💗💗💗💗💗

One of my favorites off the album for sure. Everything about this track to me is pure genius. Sonically, just so beautiful. Ecspecially the hook, when she hits her falsetto notes and the instrumentals blare like they’re telling you to role down your windows and scream the lyrics at the top of your lungs! Pretty sure she’s talking about a past relationship one last time. She really wanted to get all her past negativity out of the way on this album before getting into her current endeavors. Plus, my favorite part of the song- when she growls in an echo like howl “HE LOOKS UP GRINNING LIKE A DEVIL”. My heart sank and I scream it everytime now. Love love love this track.

3. Lover // 💗💗💗💗💗

This song pulls on my heart strings quite a bit! I can definitely see why the album centers around this track. Y’all, Taylor is in love and she wants all of us to know, OKAY!? She’s pretty much talking about how she loves her man and how she gets jealous when people talk to him or how no matter what- she knows he’s the right one for her. Sonically and lyrically, this song is beautiful. Taylor also sounds so pretty when she hits those soft high notes. I also love how different this is for her, which I appreciate. Solid love song for sure!

4. The Man // 💗💗

So lyrically, I think the songs message is powerful. Women are still going through it and I love all these empowering anthems that are being released. My problem with the song is the instrumentals don’t match up to how important the lyrics are and what they’re trying to convey. It just sounds like a cheap pop song to me. Now it might be a grower eventually but so far , not one of my faves. In the song, she’s talking about how women have it harder then men, and if she was a man, how less taboo certain things would be in the industry for her. We see you Tay, we see you.

5. The Archer // 💗💗💗💗💗

When this song first came out, I was shook! Let me tell ya’ll, when she works with Jack Antonoff, they create some magic. And this song is a perfect example. So freaking breathtaking! To me, she’s talking about her past friendships. She’s taking responsibility for the loss of some and how she does mess up sometimes but wants those people to know that she understands what she’s done but is working on herself. One of my favorites off this album.

6. I Think He Knows // 💗💗💗💗

This cheeky little number is fun. Again, talking about her man. She uses this albums platform to let him know every single feeling she has for him. I love bridge in this song so much, it’s my favorite part! Cute song!

7. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince //

💗💗💗💗

As the political track on the album, I absolutely love the metaphors she uses in the song. Comparing the sinister events in our country to a pageant...the lyrics are effective and it’s a pretty solid song with replay value. I dig it. Again, love love love the bridge when it sounds like cheerleaders are chanting parts of the lyrics. It’s a good one y’all.

8. Paper Rings // 💗💗💗💗

Yet another song that’s complety out of the norm for Taylor. It’s got a little alternative kick to it but the lyrics are so sweet. Another song talking about the man she loves and just letting him know that nice objects are nice but nothing really matters but him, she’s marry him with a paper ring bruh. Very cute, very different and stands out like a sore thumb on this album, in a good way!

9. Cornelia Street // 💗💗💗💗💗

One of my favorites off the album, it’s that song on the album that hits those heart strings HARD. This dude got her all in her feelings. She pretty much is saying in this song, that if she loses him, that things wouldn’t go back the same way like she’s been living for a while. Which is so relatable when people break up with their partner, adjusting is the hardest part. This is such a beautiful song and I love the intrumentals!

10. Death By A Thousand Cuts // 💗💗💗

So on the first initial listen, I didn’t like this track, but I have to say it’s growing on me. To me, this song is about being afraid of a relationship coming to a close and comparing it ending to death by a thousand cuts. Damn Taylor!!! It’s a decent track, I’ll listen to it more, but not my favorite.

11. London Boy // 💗💗💗💗

This song is so funny to me!! Taylor is like, y’all I just wanna be English okayyy. It’s a cute song. Obviously the London Boy is yet again, referring to her lover who is in fact English. So many rememberable lyrics in this song, “they say home is where the heart is, but god I love the English”. Okay Taylor, we hear you girl, you LOVE YOUR MAN.

12. Soon You’ll Get Better // 💗💗💗💗

I have some mixed feelings on this song but to start off, it’s a beautiful heartbreaking song. This definitely sounds like something from her Speak Now/Red era...and we know that her mom has been battling cancer so the song is pretty much how she’s been dealing with all of the events that happen when a family must deal with the awful “c” word. my only negative is the featuring of the Dixie Chicks...I love them but really didn’t understand why they were there? They really didn’t add anything to the song and I wouldn’t expect a feature on such an emotional personal track for her. Other than that, beautiful song.

13. False God // 💗

In my humble opinion, my least favorite song on the album. It just seems so off to me. As sonically different as Paper Rings adds to Lover, it still sounds like Taylor. Likes she’s taking a chance and those lyrics still have that deep meaning that makes you wonder. This track to me sounds like a failed experiment. I don’t like the lyrics or the instrumentals. From what I understand, the songs about the tough times in a relationship when shit hits the fan and your limits are tested. Again, don’t really care for the metaphors and this is just not it for me.

14. You Need To Calm Down // 💗💗💗💗

I’m calm I’m calm!! Well I wasn’t when I first heard this song. I adore YNTCD so much, it was definitely a fresh take on the album after she released the catastrophic first single, I saw hope for sure. It’s the LGBTQ anthem that we didn’t need from her but gracefully were gifted. Everything about this song is a bop and is one of those songs where certain lyrics make you laugh and some of them you just wanna scream at the top of you lungs! Love this song so mucho.

15. Afterglow // 💗💗💗💗💗

I crown this song my favorite track on the album. Oh man, where do I begin? Let’s start with the instrumentals, jesus this song makes me feel what she’s singing. the loud drums just get you going. and her voice sounds so good on this one! I even like the little use of auto tune on certain parts- it really works. So lyrically, in my opinion, this sounds like her apology song to miss Katy Perry. but that could just be me. She’s saying look, I’m taking full responsibility for the break in our friendship but I miss it and I want it back and what do I need to do to get it back? Relatable because we’ve all been there, and just flat out love love love this one. I wanna meet her in the afterglow :(

16. ME! // 💗💗

Soooooo let me tell you. When I first heard this, I was so disappointed. I was like, if this is what her freaking album is gonna sound like then I’m OUT. Thank god it wasn’t and this song is just a fluke. Now here’s the thing, I don’t hate this song entirely. I actually don’t mind the verses, it’s the chorus and the god awful bridge. Hey kids, spelling is fun! She was smart enough to remove that, but to me, this song sounds like a beginning theme song for a kids tv show. Not a song on a 29 year olds album. I just skip this one, y’all.

17. It’s Nice To Have A Friend // 💗💗💗

By far, the oddest song on the record. At first, I didn’t like it. But the more I listen to it, it has this creepy almost abandoned school yard feel that could’ve been played in Pretty Little Liars. I kind of dig it, but it doesn’t match the lyrical content for me. To me, the song is about a simple friendship where one might have more feelings for the other. But I don’t know, it’s gonna take some getting used to. Weird for sure for Taylor.

18. Daylight // 💗💗💗💗

Last track of the album and a beautiful way to end it as well. Ya’ll, Taylor wants everyone to know that she is happy, unbothered and has grown up. This track is about the person she loves changing her perfective on, well -love. One of my favorite moments on the album, she connects her song Red from 3 albums ago, saying she used to compare love to a burning red but now it’s golden like daylight. And ends the song and album with a person mantra that really stays with you.

This album is such a beautiful piece of work. I know I used that term a lot, but it’s how I feel.

I can’t wait to see how these sound in concert!

[diarythebookwyrm]

Thoughts on Stranger Things 3

So Stranger Things 3 aired almost two weeks ago. I binge-watched the entire season on that Friday afternoon/evening/night. Naturally, that meant I had to take some time to sort through what I had just watched. I have since sorted through my thoughts and decided to share them.

Below the cut, because this is gonna get long and I don’t wanna spoil anybody who hasn’t caught up yet.

So...first, some character thoughts.

This season absolutely cemented in my mind exactly which characters are my favorites and which I couldn’t care less about. This is particularly true of the two main characters who just rub me the absolute wrong way; Jonathan Byers and Mike Wheeler.

Now, I’ve had issues with Jonathan since season one. Let’s explore why that’s the case, shall we? Within the first half of the season, Jonathan not only stalked Nancy but took pictures of her naked and having sex without her knowledge or consent. That’s already pretty damned creepy, but it gets worse when you remember that Nancy is a minor. Jonathan’s pictures count as child pornography by the modern definition. Yes, this is in the 80s, but that doesn’t make it any less creepy. Yes, he and Nancy have “shared trauma” after being in the Upside Down for a short time, but that...is not enough to build a relationship on??? Then the way he and Nancy do end up together is sketchy at best.

So...yeah. Jonathan is not my favorite character.

As for Mike...

Mike, Mike, Michael, Mikey. He is my absolute least favorite of the original Party. Why? Because he’s a selfish, entitled little asshole. I have two younger brothers; one five years and one ten years younger than me. I’ve lived in a house with a 13-15-year-old boy when I myself was 18-20. It was...a trial, to say the least. But Mike takes the typical early teen boy angst and dials it right up to thirteen. Not eleven; thirteen.

In this season, that was just emphasized even more than the past two seasons for me. His behavior towards Hopper has always been a bit of a pain for me to watch, but this season it just got worse. Just because Mike is El’s first boyfriend, he acts like that means he’s entitled to all her time and attention. Hopper was completely justified in flipping out the way he did.

Which brings me to Hopper’s characterization this season. I thought it was perfectly in line with the man we’ve spent so much time with so far. For one thing, this is the mid-to-late 80s. 

Let me put that in perspective for everyone. My dad was about Steve Harrington’s age in the mid to late 80s (my mom was about Nancy’s age). My dad was a bit of a...snark as a kid. My grandfather was and still is a very down-to-earth and straight-shooting man. He did not put up with my dad’s bullshit. Full stop. End of story. Hopper is similar to my grandfather in that respect. The scene where Hopper gets Mike alone and then lays down the law? My grandfather would have pulled that if he had a daughter with a snarky, disrespectful asshole of a boyfriend.

Hopper is also raising a teenage girl for the first time. His daughter died before she ever reached her teen years, so Hopper is figuring out what is the best method for handling things like a first boyfriend or a girl’s nights at the house. This is a man who spent years after his daughter’s death living as a confirmed bachelor who was a bit of a slob because he was also self-medicating with alcohol. I’m honestly surprised he didn’t actually follow through on the thought to kill Mike.

Joyce was, as always, my favorite of the parents. She’s a wonderful mother who is just trying to keep shit going for her boys’ sakes more than her own. I can’t really blame her for wanting to move out of Hawkins after what happened with Bob. Did that mean I enjoyed that plotline? No, of course I didn’t. But that doesn’t mean it was a bad one.

Murray was...Well, Murray. I did like his interactions with Hopper and how he’s the only person who actually was calling Hopper by his first name.

Nancy’s plotline in this season...it felt a little weak to me, I’ll be honest. Ever since Nancy and Jonathan got together last season (which...again, I think that was poorly handled from the start), Nancy has not been my favorite person. Am I saying she should have stayed with Steve? Absolutely not. It’s very clear that Nancy was not nearly as invested in that relationship as Steve was. I honestly think that if Nancy were not in any relationship, her story might have been a bit better written. As it is, she just feels like she’s filler alongside Jonathan while Steve actually grows as a person.

Steve, as always, is continuing to grow and develop in ways neither Nancy nor Jonathan has in the course of the show. When we first meet Steve, he’s the hot man on campus, the popular jock, etc. etc. etc. Did he do and say some problematic things? Yes. But, I would like to remind everyone of just what kind of dumbasses we all were at seventeen. Do you remember being seventeen? I do. I was a bitch. And it’s very clear in season one that most of Steve’s assholery comes from having shitty friends as much as anything. He had a point about Jonathan being a creep, and while breaking the camera might have been extreme, it was certainly justified. I think the worst thing he did was helping with spray painting Nancy “The Slut” Wheeler on the sign, and that was clearly more something that Tommy H. came up with. He even stayed behind to help clean the graffiti up. Was Steve an idiot in season one? Yes, but I still loved him even then because I saw potential and he has more than lived up to that.

The rest of the Party along with Max and El remained pretty firmly where they had been in my estimation before season three with only Max and Will moving slightly higher up on my list. Lucas has never been my favorite, but neither is he my least favorite. Dustin is my son and I will protect him. Will has grown on me and I just want to bundle him up in a blanket and feed him cookies. El is, as she always has been, a badass. Max wasn’t necessarily my favorite last season, but I didn’t dislike her, and she’s certainly grown on me with this season.

Robin and Alexei are darlings and I love them both dearly. Erica...yeah. Those of us with younger siblings either are like “yeah, been there” or find Erica a bit too close to home to enjoy. I’ll let you judge for yourself where she falls.

Now for the one character I never thought I would ever feel sympathy for: Billy. When Billy entered the show in season two, I hated him. I hated everything about him, and that was kind of the point. We were supposed to hate him. What I think is a great credit to both the writers and Dacre Montgomery’s portrayal of Billy is the fact they did invoke sympathy from me this season. Billy has still done awful things, but as I watched him become the pawn of the Mind Flayer, I actually felt sorry for him. Dacre was amazing in this role, and I’ll never forget the scene where El and he are facing off in the Starcourt Mall. It’s one of the most poignant scenes in the entire series, as far as I’m concerned.

Moving past the single characters and into the relationships:

I...have never shipped Mileven or Max/Lucas. Why? Because they are children. Mike and Eleven are about 12-13 when they meet, so...for me, the idea of shipping children has never sat well with me. It’s part of why I don’t actively ship series-era Kataang in Avatar: The Last Airbender. By season three, Mike, Eleven, Lucas and Max are about 14-15 which...is better, but not by much. I’m twenty-nine, so for me, those are babies. Also, they’ll grow up and probably have other loves in their life. Shipping children that young is problematic because most people don’t stay with their first love forever. It’s considered healthy to have multiple early loves, and I think that’s part of why I was so adamantly against Mileven this season.

I’ve already addressed some of my biggest issues with Jancy from last season, and I mentioned that I just felt like they were filler this season. Also, Nancy talking about “what if I just...don't let you go” made me facepalm so hard. Again, Jonathan is one of Nancy’s first loves. Few people stay with their high school boyfriend for the rest of their lives. True, it was certainly more common in the 50s-80s, but that doesn’t mean it’s something that should inspire great shipping material. Nancy is at least 17 or 18 in season three. She’s still figuring out what she wants out of life, and so is Jonathan. Making them out to be this great romance that will last forever is just...weird?

Jopper...Jopper broke my heart this season. I’d shipped it on the side since season one, but put it on the back burner when I saw how happy Joyce was with Bob. This season, it just reminded me why I love the dynamic between Joyce and Hopper. I’m so sad that they’ll never have that date at Enzo’s, and I wish the writers would stop making Joyce watch the man she thinks she could settle down with die horribly.

The plot:

I knew the Mind Flayer was going to be the Big Bad, so that was no surprise. What was surprising was the army of the Flayed, and I rather enjoyed that. The Russians were a wonderful addition as far as I’m concerned. I loved the way it was handled, both comedically and dramatically. It makes sense to me that if American scientists discovered the Upside Down, the Russians would have too. I mean, this is the end of the Cold War after all. America and Russia were constantly racing against one another to find the next great discovery first.

Overall, I loved this season. It was not a let-down in any way for me, apart from the focus on certain characters that still irk me. Also, I’ll just be in my lovely house on the river Denial quietly shipping Jopper.