#I wonder what shed say if she saw my blog

[fagmegumi]

anyway shoutout to my psychiatrist for asking me to explain what my apathy & depression states feel like and then hitting me with “i think you suffer from a temporal disconnection”. On our SECOND session

[baziutawrites]

Punishment

Sub!Xavier Thorpe x Female OC smut

WARNING! If you are under 18 yrs old, do not read this piece. I do not take responsibility for anything if you proceed.

Masterlist is pinned on my blog. Check it out, cuz I can't link it.

Apparently, I cannot write short stories, so hopefully y'all excuse the abomination of a wordcount.

English is not my first language, please keep that in mind. And I sincerely hope this one shows up in the tags or else istfg. 😤

Xavier Thorpe was positively whipped by now and even his artwork couldn't help him get her out of his system. Even though he tried to, in more ways than one, nothing seemed to clear his head of the images she unknowingly burned into his mind. And it frustrated him beyond words, how oblivious she was to his suffering.

She wondered how in the hell was he able to do anything in here with this god-awful lighting.

Val got up from a desk, discarding the book she tried to read. Xavier’s art shed - a “studio”, as he called it, huffing in annoyance every single time he had to correct anyone who called it differently - was not the best place for reading apparently. Duly noted. 

Xavier stepped back from the easel for like a hundredth time in the past half an hour, running his hand through his hair. He huffed in exasperation, glaring at the canvas he was working on like it had just insulted him. He glanced at her, noticed she was looking quizzically at him and quickly averted his eyes, almost as if avoiding her gaze.

“Can’t focus,” he mumbled. His eyes were now trained onto the mess of lines and colour splattered in an unspecified formation. 

“Huh. Very, ah… abstract, I see.” Val hummed, standing next to him, unintentionally brushing his side with her arm and he hissed quietly, recoiling.

What in the heavens name was up with him today? She raised her eyebrows but shrugged it off, deciding not to say anything. Artist block must be like PMS or something, she figured. So instead, she took on exploring the rest of the space, leaving him to grumble under his breath behind her back.

There was a lot of artwork on every possible surface - some finished, some barely sketched out. Loads of tools and different mediums were scattered everywhere, mixed with empty cups, brushes and loose pieces of paper in between. There also was something on a table in the far corner of the studio that caught her eye. It didn’t look quite right - as if hastily discarded and half-heartedly covered with a piece of cloth. And, oh boy, it spiked her interest.

It turned out to be a sketchbook. She brought it closer to the light and froze, when her own face stared back at her from the paper. But this wasn’t the shocking part - her naked body, perfectly recreated in the act of riding a dick from the perspective of a person underneath her - that was. A pair of large hands were gripping her hips, digging their fingers into her flesh desperately. Xavier’s hands.

She leafed through the rest of the pages, finding loads of different sexual acts depicted with her at the forefront, with an occasional study of her face. She grinned to herself, quite flattered and embarrassed at how much she must have affected him to draw her that many times in a separate, dedicated sketchbook. Given his abilities, he definitely didn't use this solely as a study of human anatomy.

“Hey,” she called to him, smiling mischievously at him when she got his attention, “private porn collection?” She held the book higher so he could see it. Even in the dim lighting she saw his eyes growing wide. A deep shade of red flushed his face - she had never seen him so flustered and embarrassed before. He started towards her, yanked the sketchbook from her hands and shoved it angrily under some unfinished sketches.

“Jesus, what’s gotten into you?” She stepped back, crossing her arms.

He kept running his fingers through his hair, agitated. And then he snapped.

“You, Val. YOU. You are messing with my fucking head. Can’t you fucking see that?” He grabbed the canvas he was just working on and shook it in her face. “I can’t focus on shit, I haven’t been able to paint a single thing for god damn weeks. I haven’t been able to get you out of my fucking head for fucking weeks!”

He threw it onto the floor in anger, where it laid, wet paint gleaming in the dim light. He sat down on a stool and hid his face in his hands, steadying his breath.

“I can not stop thinking about you.” His voice now soft, quiet. He rubbed his temples, clearly very frustrated. “I dream about you more than I’d like to admit, in the ways I’m too embarrassed to say out loud.”

“It’s just… I want you so fucking bad all the fucking time, Valerye.”

Valerye remained silent. This was not what she expected to hear. A lecture on personal space or not snooping around in other people’s personal belongings, maybe. But this? Of course she noticed how needy he was when they fucked… and when they didn’t. Yet, it never crossed her mind that she had this much control over him.

Xavier Thorpe was officially smitten. And it excited her.

Step by step, she slowly advanced towards him, a slight smirk curving her lips. She could see his darting eyes and sheepish expression. This was good. Very, very good.

“Tell me, Xavi.” She stopped in front of him and lifted his chin with one of her fingers, forcing him to look her up in the eye. “How exactly is this supposed to be my problem? Or… my fault?”

His breath hitched as he inhaled sharply, eyes widened. She was calm and methodical, but he could make out an underlying tone lacing her voice. A warning to be careful, not to play with fire. This made his head spin, he gripped the edges of the seat for comfort. There also was a lingering promise of danger, a sweet risk of getting burned if he leaned into the flames too much. He swallowed, his knuckles cracking, trying not to let his mind be overcome by the dizziness he constantly felt near her. Shifting on his seat slightly, embarrassed of the fact he was getting hard so soon, he tried to hide his growing erection by pulling his shirt down.

“It’s not–”

“No?” She interrupted in a sickeningly sweet voice. And then there was her knee in between his legs, pressing against his crotch. He froze and squeaked, heat spreading through his body at the sudden contact. “Are you sure about that? Because that’s not what you’ve just screamed at me, baby.”

Xavier’s breath quickened, grasping at the fleeting self-control, desperate not to give in and rub himself on her knee. She definitely could feel his growing erection and his face turned even redder.

“I don’t think you were nice to me.” Her face was inches from his, studying his expression, her hot breath mixing with his. His plump lips parted slightly, a dazed look in his eyes, that were trained on her mouth. The way she was smiling made his head spin.

He threw caution to the wind and lunged for a kiss - but instead of her sweet taste, he felt a sharp sting on his cheek as she slapped him across his face and his head got yanked to the side by his hair. He blanked out for a second but was swiftly brought back to his senses when Val’s knee pressed harder against his now rock hard bulge.

“I think you are a very bad boy, Xavi.”

“Oh god,” he whimpered weakly, earning a dark chuckle from her that tickled his strained, exposed neck. More pathetic sounds escaped his throat as she placed surprisingly delicate, wet kisses along the line of his ear, not letting go of his hair. He didn’t think he could get even more turned on, yet somehow she managed to push him further with ease.

He felt his seat being rolled backwards and his back hit the hard, cold wall, trapping him in front of his girlfriend.

“And do you know what happens to bad boys? They get punished.”

She bit his neck suddenly, hard and he couldn’t help himself any more. A twinge of shame shot through his chest at how little it took her to make him a desperate, whining mess. His hips rutted against her knee, the pain mixing with pleasure in an intoxicating way. His moans filled the cool air inside the art studio, clashing with his flushed, sweaty skin, making Val feel the wetness seep through her underwear. 

Almost as if he sensed it, his hands flew towards her waist, pulling her onto his lap, digging his fingers into her flesh in a needy way. She moaned despite herself at the sudden contact of his hard, heaving chest flush against her, his hot, wet lips crashing with hers. Oh, he felt so, so good, so right.

But Valerye could not be having it. He had to be punished. She slapped him again and gripped his face forcefully. She watched him in bemused disbelief as his eyes rolled back momentarily with a pained but lustful groan bubbling in his throat. This fucker was enjoying it just as much as she did. 

“You are positively filthy, Xavi.”

He smiled at her stupidly, which made a coil in her stomach grow tighter. She quickly grasped his shirt and pulled it over his head, trapping his arms behind him in the tangle of fabric. Now, with one distraction out of the way, she could go on with the plan that has just formed inside her head.

“And I think we have to do something about that.” She smirked, pulling his sweatpants down his long, lanky legs and chuckled at how eager he was to help, lifting his hips up to make it easier for her to undress him.

“Yes,” he whispered breathlessly, “yes, please.”

Xavier shuddered under her fingers caressing his chest, bumping the back of his head on the hard wall as he relished in the sensation - but whipped back it almost instantly when she stopped at his nipples and pinched them. Hard. 

Again, and again, she toyed with them, a self-satisfied smirk on her face as she watched him squirm and strain against the fabric of his own shirt restraining him. She straddled his lap, leaned forward, and latched her mouth onto one of his hardened nipples. She could feel the heat emanating from his massive bulge as he bucked his hips, desperately trying to find any friction to comfort his throbbing cock. His moans got louder, raspier, needier, the longer she sucked and licked them, leaving sloppy trails of saliva on his burning skin. And just as he started to quiver, she stopped.

His face scrunched in frustration at the sudden loss of contact, only to fill with hope as his underpants got pulled down to join the pants somewhere around his ankles. Poor thing, she thought to herself, slowly taking off her skirt and underwear, watching his eyes grow wide when she came back onto his lap. His dick was rock hard by now, twitching just mere millimeters from her wet pussy. He could feel the heat just out of his reach and whimpered, lifting his hips in a desperate attempt to at least brush his tip against her - to no avail. She grabbed him by his throat, pushing him back against the wall, making his breath wheezy.

“What do you think you’re doing?” She hissed, smiling at his dazed expression and she slithered her fingers into his disheveled locks. “You’re not being a very good boy. Think you’ll just… watch me.”

She pulled at his hair and grazed at his long neck, earning another strained moan from him. His eyes rolled back at the sensation of her teeth almost breaking his skin, following with a soothing lick over the pulsating mark she left. And when she moaned his name into his ear, his eyes snapped back to her, his pulse quickening, as he realized what she meant by ‘watching her’. His breathing almost stopped when his eyes laid on her palm, working her own wet clit almost on top of his swollen cock.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” a strangled string of words poured out of his mouth. His dick twitched again, involuntarily and tapped her hand and before he knew it, his face was stinging again, a red splotch forming on his cheek and tears prickling the corners of his eyes. Valerie almost felt sorry for him for a moment, until he pleaded.

“Do it again,” his eyes glossy with pupils blown out, burned into hers with a sudden despair. “Please, I’ve been bad.”

Xavier’s needy, faltering voice made her jolt with sudden pleasure and a new wave of wetness seeped out of her as she picked up the pace on rubbing herself. It didn’t go unnoticed, as his dick, now leaking, twitched once again, just as another slap graced his other side of his face. To his surprise, he felt drops of wet, thick liquid on his shaft and when he looked down at Val once again, his brain went hazy. He felt as if he could explode right here, right now.

“See what you’ve done?” She moaned, feeling her juices seep through her fingers in long, sticky strings, landing on his erect cock beneath her. With her mouth agape, getting lost in the pleasure, she locked eyes with him - and the pure lust she saw in them sent her over the edge in seconds. 

“Xavier–”

He held his breath the entire time she writhed and moaned his name throatily over him. He desperately tried to ingrain the image in his mind in every single detail, every movement and every sound she made. Only when she removed her fingers from her clit, he saw how much they were drenched in her thick, glistening juices. Without a second thought, he leaned forward and clamped his mouth around them and sucked hungrily, lapping and slurping her palm clean. He looked like he had never tasted anything more delicious in his entire life.

Valerye’s face flushed with heat, as she felt fuzzy at his devoted action. He earned some ‘relief’. But only a tiny bit.

“Good boy,” she cooed and she could see his mind going places. She pulled her hand away - now coated with his saliva - and hovered it over his swollen dick. “I think you’ve earned a little bit of a reward.”

And with that, she slowly dragged her slippery fingers from his balls up, coating him evenly with her juices, ending at his pulsating, purple tip and enveloped it into her hand. With a steady grip, she started pumping. 

Xavier forgot how to breathe. He felt like his brain went through a system restart and then, finally, a flood of long awaited pleasure crashed over him, taking over his senses. He spasmed and started trembling, a long, guttural moan followed by a slur of garbled ‘thank you’s fell from his mouth. He was bucking his hips in a frenzy, desperate to reach his release that was inching closer with every pump of Val’s slick hand. His jaw slacked, eyes crossed and rolling back under half-closed eyelids, he looked mad, completely out of control. He was so close, so fucking close–

And then she stopped. And did it all over again, and again, and again.

He never felt so desperate, so angry and so horny in his lifetime. His cock hurt at this point, his balls were on fire and his eyes welled up with tears but he didn’t want her to stop. When she let go of him once again, just as he was about to cross the point of no return, he cried out in agony.

“Fuck, no, please, no no no, don’t!” He wailed and whined in a high-pitched, cracking voice, pumping the air desperately, feeling the release painfully getting away from him.

“What's wrong, baby, you’ve had enough?” She teased, not doing a very good job at concealing her own trembling voice. The way he acted in such a frenzied despair made her want to rut herself on his thigh, face or cock - anywhere at this point. But she had one more thing in mind, before she would let him get what he craved so badly.

“Yes! No, please, don’t–”

His incredibly throbbing dick was in her grasp again, she was pumping him so fast he almost could not take this torture anymore. He was so over, and yet understimulated at the same time. He was making sounds that didn’t sound human no more, as he felt getting closer and closer to the dreaded edge, afraid that he might get denied the pleasure once fucking again. But then he felt himself being pushed past it, and she didn’t stop. His back arched, he lifted his hips up from the seat, head thrown back, howling in anguished pleasure, as he waited for this sweet, final release. And it came, seconds after she completely let go of him once again.

“Nonononono, please!”

Dull spasms tore through his body, as his cock twitched, coating his chest and stomach with impossible amounts of his seed. It didn’t bring any relief at all. Tears rolled down his face, as he sobbed from frustration and betrayal - she ruined him. He felt humiliated, degraded and completely corrupted. However, when she cradled his face, he leaned into her touch so desperately it made her heart flutter.

"You've been such a good boy, Xavi. So good." She caressed his splotched, stinging cheeks, wiping away the tears. He looked at her with those big green eyes, filled with so much need and torment - and such animalistic lust, she couldn't help herself but kiss him. He feverishly reciprocated, still sniffling.

"Will you be a good boy if I untie you?"

He noded frantically, babbling promises of his good behaviour. And he didn't lie - he awaited her next orders obediently after he no longer had his limbs constrained. He didn't even touch himself briefly. He was completely under her spell.

She ordered him to lay down on the floor, right on the discarded canvas and he didn't even bat an eye when his back came in contact with the still wet paint. He would do anything for her at this point. And just as he put his hands over his head by himself as a precaution, not to touch her without permission, she couldn't wait any longer. She climbed onto him, straddling him and aligned herself with his hard, hot cock, earning a whimper from him. He craved her heat, her wetness so bad.

"Val, please," he croaked. "Can I touch you? Please, I'll be good I promise."

She agreed. His large, trembling palms found their way onto her hips and grasped them as if his life depended on it. They followed her movements, as she slowly but surely lowered herself onto his dick. She felt him stretch her beyond imagination as she reached the base of it, her thirsty pussy relishing in the sensation of his hot, almost boiling skin. He moaned in the pleasure he awaited for so long. She was so wet again, so incredibly tight around him. He was starved for her.

As if she could read his thoughts, she moved up and down, setting a fast, delicious pace that made his mind go haywire. He threw his head back, eyes shut tight and brows furrowed. Gravelly, needy moans were falling from his mouth. The sound of wet lewd noises filled the shed as he began to lift his hips to meet hers quicker. He was numbed from the ruined orgasm but still desperately wanted to feel every single inch of her pussy, up to the very hilt of his cock.

She tangled her fingers in his silky hair and pulled, making him crane his neck backwards, his adam's apple portruding through his skin. He groaned, barely registering what was happening he was so focused on slamming his cock in and out of her and she didn't blame him. Moaning like mad, she latched herself onto his neck and bit him, over and over, leaving marks on him so everyone would know, who he belonged to. The pain, mixed with the gradually overwhelming pleasure was fucking with his head. He brought her down on his dick with so much force, moving his hips up at the same moment, she yelped when she saw sparks before her eyes. It seemed like he wanted to bury himself even deeper inside of her seeping cunt, even if it wasn't possible.

"You are such a good boy, you know that?" She whispered breathlessly to his ear and she felt his hips stutter, as a pained whine erupted from his chest. "Say you're a good boy, Xavier."

"I-ah–" His cheeks flushed red with embarrassement. "I am a g-good boy. I am, I really am," he whimpered, feeling himself inch painfully slow to the edge.

"I know, baby." His cock was getting even thicker, sending electrifying jolts through Val's body. "Cuz you're gonna make me cum. You're making me cum, Xavi."

His relentless, deep thrusts faltered and lost it's rythm as he felt, once again, as if his mind disconnected from his body, and a rumbling growl reverberated in his chest. He blabbered nonsense at this point, tears stinging his eyes as the frustration surfaced yet again. He was so turned on but nowhere near close to release it seemed. And now, she ground herself on top of him info her own high, smearing the cum from his ruined orgasm on herself as she rode him, chest flush against his, expertly rubbing her wet clit on his cut pubic hair, with his rock hard dick plunged deep inside of her. In other circumstances, just a mere thought of something of this kind would send him cumming all over himself - but now, it was not enough.

Xavier whimpered in despair, feeling her skin getting hotter to the touch with every roll of her hips, her walls clenching tight around his painfully swollen dick. He brought her into him and his lips collided with hers, swallowing her moans in a messy, open mouthed kisses.

"Such a good boy." She moaned breathily, her words immediately drank by him as he panted like a madman. "Make me cum all over your fat cock, Xavi."

He could finally feel his own, blinding pleasure rising up to the surface. His fingers dug into her hips, as he steadied her and and absolutely pounded her like an animal in heat, howling like one too. With every thrust, his abdomen glided over her aching clit.

"Let me cum too, V, please," he was getting closer and closer along with her. His voice needy, pitiful, face stained with fresh tears. "Can I cum?"

"N-no, not y--" Her voice drowned in her satisfied whining, as she clenched on Xavier's cock, her orgasm washing over her in repeated, delicious waves of heat. She kept moving and it drove him crazy, as he now had to force himself not to fall apart inside her fluttering hole as she still rode out her highs.

"Baby, please, I can't take it anymore, please let me cum, I'm begging you, I've been good, I've been good, please let me cu--" He wailed so desperately, tears in his eyes obscuring his vision.

It happened in seconds. She grabbed a fistful of his hair, yanking at it and lunging at his bruised neck.

"Cum," she commanded, as she bit him, still riding him through her aftershocks. This only solidified his fate, as the hair pulling has already pushed him past his limits. His breathing stopped, as he stared at at her with a pained expression and then completely exploded inside of her.

Unholy, guttural wails tore from Xavier's throat, his vision becoming blinded by what seemed to be fireworks under his eyelids. He convulsed, his torso lost contact with the canvas he was laying on for a second, then arched backwards stiffly, before he absolutely lost his god damn mind. His hips bucked so hard he lifted Valerye up several times, impailing her onto his dick so deep she thought he was going to tear her in half. He shot load after load inside her, filling her up to the brim, his hands bruising her hips as he pushed her down onto himself so hard his seed started to leak out, coating the base of his dick and her pussy in white.

He felt like he was on cloud nine, despite the dull pulsating pain he still felt in his loins. Both dazed, barely conscious, basked in each other's warmth and comfort, tired as if they had just ran the marathon twice. Xavier nuzzled into his girlfriend's neck, inhaling the scent of her skin, that was still intoxicating to him. His long hair stuck to his sweaty forhead and eyes but he couldn't bother to let V out of his arms to brush it away. He traced slow, delicate patterns on her back and chuckled when he heard her content sigh. He was lazily staring at her from underneath his heavy eyelids, studying her face in every single detail, almost as if he would never get to see her again. A smile lingered around his lips as she shifted on his chest, leaning into his embrace.

Xavier Thorpe was officially, completely whipped and he wouldn't have it any other way.

[billiedeansbitch]

𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐛𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦

(𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠!𝐋𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐚 𝐖𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

note: so if you're wonder why it seems like a different account I deleted my previous blog accidentally.

warning/s: a pinch of angst. fluff. borderline smutt? *unedited*

The gaze she gave was shameless. A perfect combination of hunger and want vivid in her eyes, raking your figure as you stood in front of her bed, in the dimly lit room.

The electricity was out, everyone was shuffling to get their hands on candles and flashlights while you, you sought for Larissa, and knowing all too well that she was cooped up in her dorm room, you didn't hesitate to go.

She already had several candles lit around the room, and a flashlight in hand directed to her lap where she cradled a book. Her roommate, Morticia Frump, was nowhere to be found. Good.

Larissa Weems shifted her glance back to her lap, turning another page, "Sit." her hand patting the space on her bed. The burning lights did well to conceal the flush creeping up your face, you sat down, timid as you brought your legs up, and scooted a little closer to the blonde.

She had her hair down tonight, soft, and wavy, just a little bit past her shoulder, some of the strands started transitioning into silvery white shade. She looked even more tempting.

You heard another crisp sound as she turned another page. The silence kept you tensed, you felt as though you were an inconvenience to her. She looked at you, reading you, you bit on your cheek as a nervous habit.

She knew you were scared of the dark, and being all alone in a small space of your room without company was even terrifying to you. It warmed her really, that you turned to her to seek for any means of company, but oh, she had a little bit of trouble shaking off how delicious you looked in your velvet shorts and tank top. Her thoughts were floating nowhere near innocence.

"I can go if that's what you—" want. The way her eyes fleetingly shot back at you upon knowing where the sentence would end had stopped you. "And where would you go? To Morticia? Be my guest if that's what you want." There was a bite in her tone, and a tinge of jealousy that she thought she kept well hidden.

You failed to notice it, too taken by the display of anger, and irritation in her eyes.

"I didn't...No. but it seems as though you don't want me here." Your voice sounded small, hurt even.

The tough exterior shed away. She sighed, exasperated with the battle in her head. Larissa was jealous, yes, of Morticia, correct, she thought you were only looming around because of her roommate when in fact she was the sole reason. You were here with her because you wanted her

"Come here." It electrified you how soft she sounded, contrasting the tone she had just moments ago. You hesitated, truly you wanted to dive into her side, snuggle her but you still felt somewhat unwanted.

You only looked at her as your heart raced.

"Please?" she said casting aside the book, and motioning for you to come to her. This time, you saw and felt the sincerity of her word.

Once cuddled by the woman, you hid your face on her chest, your arm clinging to her waist. You wanted to cry and she held you impossibly close to her. Your bodies flushed together.

The thoughts that once invaded her head dwindled to nothing as soon as you were tucked in her arms, she wanted nothing than to keep you safe.

"You feel nice." It was a thought lingering in your head for a while now ever since she had wrapped you in her arms after winning in the Poe Cup.

Larissa could say the same thing as her nimble hands caressed the expanse of your back, feeling the sheer cloth and the lack of bra, but instead she didn't say anything more than a hum. She continued, until her fingers were tracing the dip on your waist down to your hipbone.

She then felt you pinched her side, she looked down at you with a frown, as if asking 'what was that for?'

"Had to do it to know you're real because this feels like an absolute dream." The admittance rendered her capacity to think to just stop. Did you just really say those words to her?

You took her silence as a cue to continue talking, "You're an absolute dream, Larissa."

It was then her heart's turn to pound to her ears a little too extreme. She hadn't taken you for someone as straightforward as you were now. It completely messed her up.

There was nothing more sensible to do for Larissa at the moment than kiss you because if she were to speak, she would be tripping on her tongue, an awfully, embarrassing way to admit that the feeling was mutual.

She had her whole life right before her eyes and she would be damned if she let this slip away.

Your lips fell apart to invite hers. You knew those gaze, you knew what it meant when someone's eyes were moving in an inverted triangle shape, from the left eye to the right then down to your lips while their lips were slightly parted with shallow breaths.

She wanted to kiss you.

Larissa's hand cupped the back of your head, bringing you close to her. Her lips softly welcome your own as her eyes flatter close, sinking into the feeling of having her lips on yours. The butterflies tingled her insides, cheeks warm red.

You felt her tongue swiped over the length of your bottom lip, you allowed her in within the very second, feeling her tongue against yours. She was sweet, and minty. You sucked and nibbled, while Larissa's hand explored and shifted you on top of her.

When your eyes met for the first time after what seemed like forever of kissing and touching, you felt renewed by those eyes, glittering with mirth, and affection.

It was an absolute dream indeed.

Later when the electricity was back up, and Morticia was entering the room with a dishevelled look, she made her presence known by saying: "Larissa did you check on (y/n)? She's probably terri—oh, nevermind." And gave up mid-sentence when the girl in question was in deep slumber resting on her roommate's chest.

[dregstrash]

my heart knows (you’re the missing piece)

Summary: It’s the anniversary of Nikolai’s family’s deaths. The weight of his crown has weighed heavier since then. He wonders if he’ll ever find peace. He wonders if he’ll ever feel whole.  

a/n: To my fellow Filipina ( @sanktnikolais​ )I lightly stalked your blog and saw that one of your fave bands is Ben&Ben. So, thank you for introducing me to a new artist, and this little ficlet is supposed to really emulate their song “The Way You Look At Me.” Pls don’t ask me where this fits in canon or think too hard about the fact Zoya would 100% not give into her feelings. Tis but vibes.

AO3

It had started to rain. The heavy drops of it hit Nikolai’s uncovered head. His hair creating pathways for rivers to run down the sides of his face.

Still, Nikolai stood statue-still in front of the dark tombstones.

“Whatever it’s worth,” Nikolai whispered, his words drowning in the sound of the storm. “I hope you are all at rest.”

The names of his mother, his father, his brother stared up at him silently.

It was the anniversary of their deaths. An anniversary of the day that the crown that was never meant to be his was placed on his head. And he should have felt some sort of nostalgia–maybe some sort of grief–but he stood in front of his family and struggled to feel anything but a crushing kind of loneliness.

He would never say that he never wanted to be king. He’s been ambitious. He’s always been ambitious and he knew that his brother wasn’t the kind of ruler that Ravka needed. But it was different now. He had the crown. A kingdom that did not want to get better. Countries breathing down his neck—wolves ready to catch a fox with their teeth.

Nikolai stared at the name of the king. The man who had raised him to be a son, even if that wasn’t the whole truth of it. The selfish bastard who was far from perfect, but had been Ravka’s king.

For the first time in his life, Nikolai wished he had someone to guide him through the next steps. Someone who might have been able to forge a path ahead and teach him how to cross mountains while parting rivers.

He tilted his head up to the rain that dropped heavily on him, hoping that he could be washed clean from the worries that were staining him.

Thunder rumbled angrily at him and a thought like lightning rushed through him.

He rushed to his horse and took no time to ride to the Little Palace. He rushed past guards, dignitaries, governors, all of those who wanted to wring him for solutions and resources he didn’t have.

Maybe, I’m just as selfish as my father was after all. The bone chilling thought crept through him like a shiver, but still he pressed on.

The usual calm, level-headed, and in-control manner he prided himself on had been stripped away. All that was left was a deep desperate want. A want that would shed this heavy, gilded crown–even for just a moment–so that there was nothing but…him.

His steps quickened until he was outside the all too familiar oak door. He could hear her humming and moving about her nightly routine. His fist was raised, poised to knock, and still he hesitated. He could still turn around. Vague thoughts of Princess Ehri and the arranged marriage that was supposedly the key to saving his kingdom flitted through his mind. His fist tightened. Then his body made a decision before his mind could continue its circling debate.

He knocked. The humming stopped. The door opened. And Nikolai felt the breath exit his body.

Zoya’s hair was down. Her black hair fell down her shoulders in a riot of waves. Her nightgown peeked out from under a silken robe. Her eyes glittered with annoyance and surprise.  

She was everything that Nikolai wanted. She was everything he wasn’t ready to handle.

“Your Majesty, what–”

Zoya’s inquiry was cut off as he brought his hands up to her face and backed her into the room, the door slamming shut with a loud bang. He expected her to push him away, to shove at his hands and call him a lunatic, but she didn’t, which didn’t surprise him either. As much as he had tried to ignore her through the wars, the disasters, the impossible trap of arranged marriages, she wasn’t the kind of woman who he could ignore–especially when he caught her sometimes staring at him in the same ways he was always staring at her.

Her breath was faintly brushing against his lips. Her pulse had an erratic rhythm against his fingers.

“It’s the anniversary, isn’t it?” Zoya whispered. Her hands wrapped around his. They were like fire against his icy skin–something to scorch the inside of him.

Instead of replying, he just tugged her closer.

“Nikolai, this is foolish. If people saw you come into my room–The rumors already surrounding us are already–”

“Please…” Nikolai’s voice was hoarse. His throat felt raw from all the words he wished he could have said. His insides scraping against each other, as he tried to fight for any semblance of an explanation for his behavior. But all that came out was, “Please don’t say anything. For tonight. Can we let the rumors be true? Just once.”

She smelled like a garden in full bloom. The scent of wildflowers curling against his nose as his fingers threaded through her hair. He could feel Zoya hesitating. He watched as a thousand questions flicker through her eyes.

But he also watched her as she took him all in. She could feel how desperate he was. She could taste how much he needed her. Or maybe she just liked to hear him beg.

It didn’t matter.

Everything stopped mattering as soon as she had wrapped her arms around his torso, and brought her mouth up against his.

And Nikolai felt his world stand still. He was in the eye of the storm. The rioting of his thoughts. The backhanded world of the court. The disasters that felt like they were pressing against his sides suddenly stopped. They all felt distant as Zoya’s lips pressed against him, making him forget, making him breathe, making him believe that he was whole.

[ghoulangerlee]

if i could ask without it being rude. . .

what/when did you realize you were nonbinary?

lately i've been wondering if the gender binary fits for me and i was just hoping you might have some answers or guidance or something

anon this is not rude at all! i am always open to talk about my experiences with gender identity! thank you so much for feeling safe enough to come to me, I do hope my answer sheds some light on things for you.

please excuse any spelling errors bc I am currently typing with one eye open haha. (also under a read more bc i got wordy sorry I hope this helps!! I'm here for you anon!!)

So, I was about 19 when I realized that 'girl' didn't really fit me? Looking back I think it might have always been like this, but I grew up in a small southern town where the only out gay person was bullied so relentlessly that he left town and we never saw him again.

So, 19, I come across this tumblr account that centered heavily on genderfluidity, and for a while that identity felt safe to me? I've always been more masculine leaning in general, from a very young age and at the time (this was 2011) genderfluid seemed right. I would fluidly slip between masc and fem and it all felt comfortable and safe and nothing like I'd ever experienced before. Small town me finding out there was more than just gay, lesbian, bi and trans? (trans here in the sense of transgender like, trans man or trans woman).

So yeah, I think at that point for me though, I just lost my mom, I was dealing with a lot of stuff and I didn't have the bandwidth to look too far into anything beyond something that finally made sense in my brain. So while I do still stand by me ID'ing as genderfluid for a few years, it never actually felt right. And you know? That's okay. It was sort of a stepping stone for me, I think. To look more into other gender identities. Because at that time, beyond genderfluid I only knew of trans men and trans women, in like I guess the binary gender sense?

To preface this, I know that definitions of transgender has changed over the years, this is just my personal experience with all of this, which is why some of it may come off as idk outdated?

Anyway, while I ID'd as genderfluid, I went by a masculine nickname and still used she/her pronouns just because I didn't really consider using anything else. Someone once referred to me using he and that sorta felt okay? But also not...right? At the same time. Like it felt better than she, but in the sense that it was a little off to the left of better. Not a perfect fit, but an okay one.

Honestly I could probably dig deep enough on my blog and maybe find some ramblings from that time if I tried hard enough, though I can't for the life of me figure out what I'd have tagged it haha.

So, I don't exactly remember what finally brought on nonbinary other than once I told someone that I didn't really feel like a person? I felt more like a genderless blob so to speak, and that she/her and he/him didn't really feel right to me.

And that friend was like 'well what about they?'

And then someone referred to me using they and everything sort of clicked into place right after that.

My experiences with gender have been quite turbulent, in the past I've dealt with heavy gender dysphoria because I had this idea in my mind that I needed to look androgynous in order to identify as nonbinary. That I wasn't nonbinary enough if I had tits. I binded for several years and fucked my ribs up with it because I am also fat. So, in I would say 2013 is when I finally started using nonbinary? So internet culture led me to believe I needed to be thin and have a flat chest in order to be the right kind of nonbinary, because otherwise I was just a woman.

I still get called she/her in my real life, other than my husband and our friend who both use they/them when referring to me. But, I've learned these past several years that nonbinary doesn't look a certain way? That I don't have to be more masculine leaning in order to ID that way. It feels right, when people use they/them and when they call me Lee, which is why I typically introduce myself that way, other than doctor's offices, and other official places use my birth name.

It took a lot of growing for me, because I had so many negative ideas about femininity and how I could also navigate that while being nonbinary. I refused to wear makeup for the longest time because I thought that that meant I was just faking it, and being a woman.

I've always wanted to be feminine but in the same way that like, a masculine person can be feminine, I guess? So like, in a 'cis man wears a dress and makeup' sort of way if that makes sense.

And I had this idea that I couldn't do that, otherwise I was just a fake nonbinary person?

What ultimately helped me was in 2016/2017 when I worked for Home Depot, my head cashier actually lead a local lgbt+ group and she immediately latched onto me not being straight or cis. Again, this was the south so there was a little bit of growing pains, we all ended up sitting down and talking about gender identity, I talked with some older people who were nonbinary and it opened my mind to start viewing things in a way that like, helped me, I guess?

Like, yeah, makeup is traditionally worn by a woman, but because I am not a woman, wearing makeup does not make me a woman. Just as wearing traditionally masculine clothing, does not make me a man. It just makes me a person wearing make up or a person wearing clothing.

I think overall, if I would have stayed on the internet and kept listening to those people who say that you have to look/be a certain way in order to be nonbinary, I wouldn't have probably reconciled my own issues with how I perceived myself vs nonbinary.

Overall, I'd say start small, the first thing I did was use neutral pronouns, this isn't to say you can't use neopronouns if those feel right to you, or use something like he/they or she/they bc a lot of nonbinary people do that too.

It's okay to experiment with gender. It's okay to tell your friends that you want to be referred to using only neutral pronouns, or a set neopronouns, or what have you. See how that feels.

Take a step back and look at how you perceive certain things, when I was finally able to let go of the idea that things had to be gendered, and that those gendered things only fit one particular gender, it made things so much easier for me.

I stopped hating my chest. Like I'd said earlier, I binded for a while, and it was so uncomfortable, but I Felt like I had to just because of what I'd heard the uh "gatekeepers of gender" say. But now? finding a bra that fits nicely and accentuates my chest? Euphoric.

None of that makes me a woman. I am just a person, and I like things.

Living in the south, good luck with me trying to ever explain this to people around here. So I'm out, but I'm not explicitly out I guess. If people clock it? Good for them. If not? Oh well. I don't really correct people on my pronouns, just because I've finally reached a point where I'm okay with it. My sister and brother in law still call me by my birth name and that's fine too. Because in my head, my name is Lee and my birth name is just a nickname that they have for me.

And again, all of this came with time. With several years. I started this when I was 19 and I'm 31 now, so it took a decent chunk. It's important that you've got a good support system too. And honestly, I'm here for you anon. If you ever need to talk, or vent or anything, my askbox is open. If you wanna come off anon and dm me? Sure.

I can even give you my discord if you'd prefer that.

Navigating gender can be scary, but, it'll be okay. <3

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

11 may 2023 Hursday jueves 3:37 pmpt

Diarrhea was mostly blood 🩸. When you call ☎️ out a beast vicious beast with no humanity, they increase the penalty. 3:38 pmpt

3:40 pmpt 3+ cups of blood 🩸 I estimate from looking at it. 3:41 pmpt

Sumner, I think 💭 he doesn’t plan for my blog to be seen by anyone. I typed in the url for the fuse YouTube video and it said unavailable. I think 💭 they changed it or I typed it in wrong. He doesn’t plan for Scott or any government employees or hospitals 🏥 to go down for s*x trafficking of minors. That is what the police 👮‍♂️ probably thought 💭 was going to happen to Sierra LaMar so they called her cries for help a hoax and framed an innocent someone. 3:44 pmpt he doesn’t plan to change anything at all. 3:45 pmpt

They don’t care about child rape or forced prostitution which is rape. Of a minor. 3:46 pmpt I think they all like it.

3:47 pmpt they don’t care that garrido raped dugard all her life from 11 years old. If the demon angels say it’s ok 👌 they’re happy to conform. The police 👮‍♂️. The hospitals 🏥. The governments. Capitalism. People with houses 🏠 who do pizza 🍕 gate have protected rights. Houses 🏠 mansions. Big property with back yards and sheds. 3:50 pmpt

3:53 pmpt why fight? All it is is a distraction. Our voices do nothing. It’s only buying them time to do the stuff they want such as f*ck minors in secrecy. 3:54 pmpt

4:12 pmpt he let Scott have a years b4 going to trial for running over avalos. Which enabled them to use time to blur memory to conceal evidence that he probably saw avalos and intentionally ran him over. They let him get away with anything. So why would anyone investigate 🔬 him for s*x trafficking of minors, even if they are half white? 4:16 pmpt what if in reality Asians are not Asian at all? 4:17 pmpt

Scott ran over avalos 2/22/2009. Trial happened 2013. 4:18 pmpt

4:28 pmpt gas ⛽️ fumes from outside 😩 difficulty breathing. My dad has gray eyes 👀. My aunt and uncle I think has blue eyes 👀. But their parents had browns eyes 👀. Why is it that it seems all Asians have brown eyes 👀 and dark hair? I wish I took genetics 🧬 biology 🧬 so I can understand. 4:30 🕟 pmpt

5:23 pmpt women don’t want to be pregnant 🤰 all the time but if they feel that they need to have babies 👶 and feel able to they would do it. I always felt scared 😱 that it would hurt. I was especially scared 😱 when I was 16 years old. And someone scared 😱 me about c-sections. 5:26 pmpt left jaw joint pain 5:27 pmpt incubus miñion put fish 🐠 oil in my food 🥘🤢 now I’m suffering and miserable with my options. He threatens me with every food it seems. Why everyone else gets to enjoy. Even a guy who is now suspected of being a rapist was able to get oxygen tanks. 5:30 🕠 pmpt

5:37 pmpt s*x trafficking is an organized crime? Saratoga is full of rich 🤑 people . Which is where Sierra LaMar said she was taken to in the hoax. Police 👮‍♂️ protect rich 🤑 people Bcz rich 🤑 people bribe them with donations. Those dodge chargers looked fancy and sporty and modern. A lot of police 👮‍♂️ were driving those in 2017. A house 🏠 with a red door 🚪 in Saratoga. 5:41 pmpt. I wonder if only rich 🤑 people are able to afford prostitution world 🌎 wide? Including of 11 year olds? I’m curious about Brooke shields 🛡 documentary now. And that movie 🎥 she did when she was 11 years old. Art 🖼 imitation of reality? Reality imitates art 🖼. 5:44 pmpt

5:48 pmpt I guess people with houses 🏘 are more prone to be “sickos”? Rich 🤑 people? I need to see that Brooke shields 🛡 movie 🎥 now. 5:49 pmpt

5:51 pmpt pretty baby 1978. I thought 💭 I heard her say 11 years old but IMDb says 12 years old. When Britney Spears conservatorship was about to end I tried looking up IMDb of Justin Timberlake’s movies. When I looked I couldn’t find model behavior on the list. 😵 maybe it’s there now? 5:53 pmpt tummy incubus miñion has been attacking.

5:55 pmpt acid hot pain right nostril 👃😵😖😭😤🥵exhaling hot 🥵 air. Yeah no one cares about me. Everyone I guess even though they heard apocalypse from incubus they probably all assumed everything would go back to the way it usually is/was. Inflation though made it look absurd enough to make me think 💭 not. Does that usually happen? San Francisco union square is going to completely change probably. 5:58 pmpt

6:42 pmpt if you intentionally tamper with food 🍱 by request of the incubus, you are lining yourself up 🆙 with child 🧒 rapists and s*x traffickers of minors. 6:43 pmpt

6:45 pmpt I think they took away half or more of my butt bones 🦴 length. 6:46 pmpt

When Jaycee dugard was hidden in the sheds in garrido’s property he brought her fast food 🍔. The black ants 🐜 got to it b4 she could. 6:49 pmpt incubus deprive their victims of food. 6:50 pmpt

When I was in elementary school 🏫 I had to give up 🆙 a piece of my sandwich 🥪 to a bee 🐝 on multiple days. 7:10 pmpt

When I was 5th grade? I felt weird feelings about a pack of younger boys. I thought 💭 that I was interpreting what they felt. I think 💭 it was part of the start of feeling psychic. The weird feelings were disturbing to me. I don’t remember saying anything to them. I only remember making eye 👁 contact and one of them had green eyes 👀. Then they started to chase me. I think 💭 I ran a lot for many minutes. I think 💭 until the end of recess ow left eye 👁 pinching 🤏 pain. Trying to remember how it stopped. I remember they started conflict resolution meetings with a guy dressed in a cartoony 🦸‍♂️ hero costume and we called him Arnold. A classmate identified a few of them and called them to come to our class to tell them infront of everyone to stop 🛑 chasing me. 7:17 pmpt

7:19 pmpt I guess the psychic feelings is part of the “vibes”, “bad vibes,”

“good vibes” stuff that people mention all the time now. Part of the apocalypse. We also had read the giver book 📚 around this time. 5th grade. Elementary school 🏫. 7:21 pmpt when I was at a beach 🏝 recently I heard a young woman 👩🏼 say “bad vibes” over and over again within feet 🦶 of me. 7:22 pmpt

1991 I was in elementary school 🏫. And Jaycee dugard was kidnapped by garrido. Police 👮‍♂️ didn’t get bad vibes from garrido. Police 👮‍♂️ are probably bad vibes but we don’t get that from them? 7:24 pmpt

7:27 pmpt butt is searing hot 🥵 it’s painful. Probably acid. 7:27 pmpt incubus justified rape of 11 year old girls. You do what they say and worship them = you worship child rapists and torture. 7:29 pmpt

What makes a good person ? A bad person? 7:30 🕢 pmpt

7:30 🕢 pmpt someone is very mad at the doors 🚪 in the hall. 7:31 pmpt

7:32 pmpt women want friendship even from men. We get tired of trying to control our feelings and actions. We want to know if our feelings will grow from friendship. We can’t do that if you are always hitting on us. 7:34 pmpt

7:39 pmpt therefore if you are a female, never go out alone. Never go on one on one dates. Don’t go to amans house 🏠 even if he lives in a nice rich 🤑 neighborhood. 7:40 pmpt

7:49 pmpt Adobe puzzle 🧩 looks like screw heads. Probably means whoever could afford photoshop in the early 2000s can screw us over. Nothing changed. Nothing will change. People who own houses 🏘 are hoes and child rapists. 7:51 pmpt

8:03 pmpt stupid dramas on tv 📺 are depicting people who say defund the police 👮‍♂️ as people who cause trouble. The police 👮‍♂️ put a woman in hand cuffs into an suv 🚙 and got hit by a train 🚊 it was a miracle she survived. That was September in the Bay Area? Police are guilty of forced prostitution of a teen. People who probably want to defund the police 👮‍♂️ recognize corruption in the police 👮‍♂️. Tv 📺 screen writers are trying to brain wash America 🇺🇸. More proof that the five is behind s*x trafficking of minors. 8:07 pmpt

I didn’t write ✍️ type five. Incubus changed it. Police 👮‍♂️ are part of government. Makes police and government and Hollywood part of s*x trafficking of minors and child rape. 8:09 pmpt

8:45 pmpt Derek’s aol screen name has std in it. Short for standard. 8:47 pmpt

8:48 pmpt incubus protects s*x trafficking of minors and child rapists. 8:49 pmpt dereK is not a rapist to my knowledge. Autocorrect: sister, death. I don’t want to know what that means. A lot of signs 🪧 I see in people’s names is Daniel is bad or dies. Susanna and Daniel references by demon lord incubus. King 🤴 David got his first wife back even though he didn’t love 💗 her. It was probably for power not love 💗. God incubus loves king 🤴 David and not Uriah which sounds like pee. 8:54 pmpt if incubus loves king 🤴 David, and not Uriah, then he probably hates Daniel and Susanna. 8:56 pmpt

8:57 pmpt and George. 😤🥵😤😖😭😫😩

9:42 pmpt people make excuses for s*x trafficking of minors. But that is forced prostitution = rape. That is not a beautiful liFe.. autocorrect is not helping sometimes. Some guys will openly date young women. Guys who kidnap and do s*x trafficking are probably not reAlly (damn autocorrect) nice people. They’ve probably very cruel but are deceptively nice. 9:47 pmpt

9:58 pmpt I don’t buy the “fake crime” explanation from incubus. Nick v./b. Did that to me in high school 🏫. He was learning how to be deceptive from the incubus I suspect. On MySpace years later he changed his name to nickolai like nickolaitian. In high school 🏫 after the friends with benefits had ended, after he told me that anger and fighting back is bad in different words, he sent me online showing he was working with expensive digital art program maybe photoshop illustrator. He put my name in an artful way under a female warrior cartoon character. I don’t remember if it was wonder woman 👩🏼 or a different one similar to Xena warrior princess 👸🏻 . Bikini 👙 with armor and a sword 🗡. Probably a psychological fake out the incubus instructed him to do. 10:06 pmpt everytime I think something will end my suffering I’m usually wrong 😑 but I’m putting this out there. There was also a weird rumour going around town I heard on the street and saw online from Ana nonymous website that someone named Nick was into weird porn of dead women in bathtubs 🛁 and I thought I should get confirmation from someone who knew him but I couldn’t get an answer out of him. 10:13 pmpt I figured maybe his little brother found out and told everyone at school 🏫 and that’s how it probably ended up online and in the street. 10:15 pmpt his little brother probably wasn’t aware of how big it was that he was spreading around. I bet he probably wouldn’t remember. 10:16 pmpt

12:05 am pt it’s rare to find a doctor that will cure a disease 🦠 it seems from my experience. 12:06 am pdt I think all the medical dramas on tv should come with a disclaimer when the doctor finds a cure. Warning might not depict reality. Still looking for a cure. If they ever do. My memory is very fuzzy now. 12:08 am pt 12:09 am pt my guess is I’m going to die without any help. 12:09 am pt

12:18 am pT I did not get any help fr My doctor 👩‍⚕️. I became very upset with her for playing dumb. And she turned it around on me saying I was disrespectful. But she’s not a good person I kno Now. She was using any excuse she can to change the subject. If I’m mentioning something that sounds serious 🧐 and I was given the run around by the previous doctor 👨‍⚕️ it seems like she’s playing games with my anxiety. 12:23 am pt she started saying a bunch of words that sounded like she wanted to talk about something else instead of asking me directly about the pain and what it might be. So I got upset. 12:25 am pt

12:26 am pt she sounded like she didn’t care. 12:27 am pt

12:28 am pt this is probably similar to how garrido was treated? I wonDer 💭. Autocorrect stuff. 12:30 🕧 am pt. But I didn’t do what garrido did. 12:31 am pt 12 may Friday.

12:34 am pt probably similarly to Q, Nick V./B. And carter trying to take advantage of people who have learning disabilities. There’s a man who got beat up for his wallet and after that he became great at math and saw tessellations everywhere and autistic people who are good at drawing ✍️🎨 12:38 am pt. I told Nick I got an A+ in algebra. ( I did not tell him but the teacher put my drawing in the front office Bcz it was great 👍 A grade quality work.) after I told him my math grade via aol messenger he asked if I would let a guy finger me. 12:43 am pt I started having difficulty with math 🧮 2014. And I think 💭 I realiZed something year 2022 about math 🧮. I’m guessing it’s the reason Nick copied the answer from my comp What the teacher gave me in Java class. Prequisites were to do well in algebra. And the reason He had video games on his graphIng calculator, aand maybe 🤔 asked to borrow mine infront of crystal junior year... I would need confirmation from krystle what he used my calculator for. Maybe 🤔 doesn’t matter. Bcz Nick sent me that digital art 🖼 with my name . He was probably told exactly what the answers were. How would a graphing calculator have any memory left to be a graphing calculator with games on it? For some reason I thought it was Mario bros. If someone can confirm ... 12:55 am pdt

1:03 am pt allegory of the cave. We have different realities. Hypothesis. 1:04 am pt 1:05 am pt. Will this go on for infinity? 8. 1:06 am pt let’s go back to the start. 1:07 am pt

1:10 am pt hypothesis: Nick treated me like a whore Bcz he thought he could get away with it. 1:11 am pt Bcz I was trained to be from humping Mickey Mouse 🧸 toy. Bcz he had a special relationship with the incubus who would supply him with whores galore. Incubus has an escape plan for them for everything so naturally I would be left with the blame. 1:15 am pt at 15 years old I was left to assume what friends with benefits meant. A virgin with barely any dating experience. I was hoping for the friendship stuff to start. We weren’t friends yet. 1:17 am pt 1:18 am pt

1:22 am pt maybe 🤔 Nick thought 💭 I was a doll that he could push into doing whatever he wants. 1:23 am pt

1:34 am pt the thing is, is that what Nick believed? (Left hip bone 🦴 pain 1:36 am pt)

here’s the thing, I need to review math 🧮 now Bcz it’s been a long time. There’s a game we played in elementary school 🏫 to start multiplication: circles ⭕️ and stars ⭐️ and you use dice 🎲. 1:38 am pt. 1:39 am pt right knee searing pain.

1:44 am pt yeah I did not realize the problem with my hypothesis until now. Which now I realize that is why he said I was under the test. I guess I didn’t pass it even though I didn’t let him touch me. “Brendan” tried me out at the same time Nick tried me. Incubus wanted me to believe he was “Brendan.” Why? Why? Why? Why me? Why move in on the girl Nick was trying? I guess it doesn’t matter. This is only to pass the time. Nothing is going to change my world 🌎. 🎶🎼🎵🎤

If I was under the test and incubus was really talking to me as “Brendan” with Brendan Lean’s account then I guess he was satisfied that I didn’t let Nick touch me. 🧐🥸😖😭🥵😤🥵😤 my mom told me I had s*xy legs 🦵 and my friend told me I had a s*xy butt, and since my parents separated we lived up 🆙 stairs so I did stairs every day. 1:53 am pt I don’t see any purpose to this now but to distract me Bcz nothing has changed. Except my body and life is absurd and miserable 😖 . 1:55 am pt

1:58 am pt what matters to me is what Nick thought 💭 he could do with me. What the incubus said exactly in what order. 1:59 am pt like kids who were given misinformation thinking 💭 they can kill me by punching my head Bcz they thought 💭 there was a natural hole 🕳 like I read on Wikipedia once. 2:01 am pt did the incubus tell them they could kill me and they would not be punished? There was a tv show called my strange affliction. There was a kid 👧 who tried to kill a sibling Bcz demons were telling the kid to do it. 2:03 am pt

2:08 am pt my hypothesis was Nick thought 💭 he can use me as a whore, Bcz he asked me if I would let a guy finger me after I told him I got an A+ in algebra freshman year of high school 🏫. 2:10 am pt

3:28 am pt here’s a hypothesis I have been holding back on: garrido. Dugard said ever since she was 11 years old garrido would rape her once a week. Why once a week? And why did it hurt her? Is it Bcz, was there a chance that it hurt him? If it hurt him why would he try again a week later? Bcz he was a zombie 🧟‍♂️? A doll? A doll if hit, [bcomes] ill 🤒 il-er/sicker. F that’s the case, how many of these were tests and how many were forced? Either way, demon angels of incubus, incubus miñions made it happen. Bcz demon lord god incubus wanted it to happen. 3:34 am pt Bcz he likes torture (weird noise 3:34 am pt) if garrido was 100% zombie 🧟‍♂️ a name that god gave to Adolfo hitler would suggest this might be so. Which means god himself is a sicko. 3:35 am pt

3:40 am pt Jon benet Ramsey happend when. The incubus was months away from turning 18 years old. 3:41 am pt

I never 👎 questioned my teachers 👨🏻‍🏫 about anything. I always tried to follow along on their examples in classes. And for some reasons, anything and everything I guess was true. Always thought was true/truth. Until year 2022. I got very good grades in math 🧮 classes. Senior year I did have issues but I felt dumber and my teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 did not teach to my learning style. But I got A+, A, probably A’s and B’s for the rest which was geometry 📐 and algebra 2 , and pretrigonometry and was it calculus? No matter what excuse reasons god used to justify dugard’s rape I think it was a heinous torturers and health-risky thing which makes it torture. The movie I watched about the 11 year old? Asian girl kidnapped and gang raped committed suicide in the end for some reason. Probably Bcz it was terrorifying and damaged her uterus and other organs Bcz she was too small. Heinous. If garrido was 100% zombie 🧟‍♂️ forced by god to rape her Bcz maybe 🤔 it was to show the consequences of doctors 🥼 and police 👮‍♂️ negligence of garrido’s treatments. Still doctors 🥼 want to say bad stuff happened Bcz they are bad people. They should quit being doctors 🥼 then Bcz the profession is dead ☠️. He was still alive and treatable. You don’t want patients? Don’t be a doctor 👨‍⚕️. 3:53 am pt

3:54 am pt so this is what I questioned in 2022: the rule for multiplying. If you see it you see it. If you don’t you don’t. But I didn’t see it until year 2022. But maybe 🤔 Nick v./b. And Q and carter knew already a long time ago. Even Q messed with me telling me on the phone ☎️ told me I see things differently [than other people]. 3:46 (looks like bye backwards or ebb and flow3:58 am pt) 3:56 am pt allegory of the cave. I think 💭 this is the reason why Nick thought he could treat me like a white (whore 4:04 am pt. Incubus changed it) besides the incubus telling him that inwasss a whore. Damne autocorrect right hip pain. 4 am pt maybe I was under the test but it was after I hit my head and punched in the head so by thesis (6:40 am pt: hypothesis, god ) given name of a doll if hit ill-er. If I got hit it means I am/was a doll. Like garrido with his head trauma from a motorcycle 🏍 accident. 4:02 am pt 6:41 am pt

12:15 pmpt demon angels and incubus are: sickos ickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous heinous sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos sickos heinous sickos heinous sickos heinous sickos sickos heinous heinous sickos heinous sickos sickos rapist sickos heinous heinous rapist sickos heinous rapist rapist sickos sickos heinous heinous rapist rapist sickos sickos heinous heinous rapist rapist sickos heinous heinous rapist rapist sickos sickos heinous heinous rapist rapist sickos sickos heinous heinous rapist rapist sickos sickos heinous heinous rapist rapist sickos 12:20 pmpt

10:17 pmpT he seared my chest organs it was extremely painful 😖 hot 🥵. He heated up 🆙 my stomach again I think 💭. I think 💭 I should quit. 10:19 pmpt

11:48 am pt 13 may 2023 11:48 . Incubus has been burning 🔥 around and inside my ears with acid and heat. I think 💭 he distorted the shape. Probably going to make it harder to clean 🧼.😞 weird people have been driving by with very loud music within last 4 days. Makes me think it’s special delivery like a passing by singing telegram to let me know he intends to hurt my ears 👂.😖😭😞 11:53 am pt happened at least 3 times. I don’t have a husband. Probably never did. 11:54 am pt. My ear 👂 feels weird and the sound isn’t the same. I’m not even 39 years old yet. My mom was dating a younger man 👨 when she was 39 years old. 11:56 am pt I was celibate for many years trying to not be a whore. But I sometimes was too afraid to date again. I always wanted to be done hoping One of the guy’s was the one and I wished on a star to have feelings for him. But I was so stupid Bcz I thought 💭 I fell in love with the other guy I wasn’t attract d to. I felt weird. Hyper happy but it was a little strange feeling so I didn’t think 💭 that it was good. It was very fast . I had started seeing him in October. I don’t think 💭 we hung out that much. But we met when we were kids. The hyper happiness felt unreal.. in a way. Recently I had a dream with that guy in it last month. The feelings of being in love was stronger. It Was a really nice feeling. Unfortunately most guys move too fast 💨 and I did my best not to be a whore. Only 4 guys. The last 2 I said no to for s*x but they challenged me. So I gave in. First guy and last guy were too short at the time for me. The 2nd and 3rd guy were only once. The 2nd guy was through clothing but I wouldn’t recommend it. 12:11 pmpt 12:12 pmpt

12:33 pmpt feels like he attacked ear 👂 canal? with acid. 12:34 pmpt Kentucky horse 🐴 park nbc Scott McLaughlin. I took a class with McLaughlin in middle school 🏫😖😭😞 acid ear 👂 canal. I’ve Only been to a handful of concerts and rarely played music loud. My sister probably went to a lot more. Probably I was sacrificed more so she could have more. Kindergarten curse. Saint Lucia curse. 12:40 but the miñion likes to vilify me. Insult injury vicious. 12:41 pmpt

[thelonelycrone]

Well. They say the best place to start is at the beginning, so, let’s start there.

I must warn readers that my material can be dark, heavy, and full of crappy things. This blog is dedicated to my truth and anything written here is true to the best of my own memories and experiences. If you are triggered by certain things, this is not the blog for you - as whatever it is that triggers you is probably going to show up in this blog at some point.

Now, let’s begin.

My biological mother was 13 when I was born and my father 26. To this day, I have not been told a clear story of my conception, but I’ve been able to piece enough together on my own to figure it out. As that part is speculation, I’ll not comment further on that.

My mother got pregnant with me when she was still 12. The state we lived in would not approve of the marriage that my grandmother was trying to push. They did manage to go to another country and legalize the marriage there - so, I wasn’t born a bastard. Phew. My father left when I was still an infant. I’m told there was a bit of a custody battle with my fathers family, but eventually my mother and her parents won. With my grandparents raising me, my mother was able to still finish high school. I do vaguely remember her graduation. I was wearing a pink dress with star buttons.

Shortly after my mother graduated high school, I learned she had found a man to marry, and that we’d be moving away from my grandparents. This is the point in my life when I really start to remember things.

I remember the day I found out I’d be starting a new life - as much as a 4 year old could comprehend, anyways. My mother came back from a wedding and honeymoon I didn’t attend or really know about. I knew she was going on a trip, but that’s about it. She came back and told me she had a surprise for me. Silly me - I asked her if it was a dollhouse. What a silly thing to ask for as a child. No, she said, it was a new dad and a new home somewhere else. Well neat!

Our new home turned out to be a tiny apartment in the next town over. It was a duplex home split into two apartments. The smaller apartment on the left was ours, and had a small kitchen near the front door and a living area on the first floor. Up the stairs was an open bedroom with an attached smaller room and the only bathroom attached to the smaller bedroom. There was also a shared basement for laundry.

Most of my life in this apartment was me spending time by myself playing with plastic animals in my bedroom, or playing My Little Ponies on the train tracks out back. My mother never seemed to worry about me getting hit by the trains. I appreciate how much she thought of my intelligence to just let me play by myself on train tracks at such a young age. Sometimes I’d wander over to the other side of the tracks to a church in a shed. In my older age I wonder if the church was ever really held in a shed, or, if it was a weird thing my mini self imagined, but I definitely think it was a church in a shed.

Anyways, sometimes when I really craved some human attention, I would wander over to the church and just go in and sit and listen. Sometimes I’d join their Sunday school classes. And I don’t remember too much of what they talked about, but they were all so nice to me. My mom was always in her own little world, and I rarely even saw her new husband. No one ever questioned why I was there alone.

I was put into preschool, too. I liked it well enough. I played by myself a lot, because that’s what I was used to. The preschool didn’t last long before I was forced into kindergarten. I liked that a lot less. I had less freedom to do what I wanted and had to sit still and learn. I learned things faster than most kids in my class. I remember thinking that the faster I got done, the sooner the teacher would let me play - but we know that’s not how school works. Instead, I had to sit quietly until everyone else was done. That made me resent everyone for being slow, because I was bored and wanted to play.

First grade was better, because I learned how to read. Finally. It was the only thing I wanted out of school. I got the hang of it so fast, and started helping classmates. I had some books at home, but I wasn’t ready for those yet. Luckily, my mother went to the library regularly, so, I could find books more for beginners. Curious George and Ranger Rick magazines were popular. As well as Eyewitness books. I never really saw much of my mother despite living in such tight quarters, but somehow she always managed to remember to take me to the library with her and I guess I have that to be thankful for.

Sometime later in first grade, I was sent to vacation at my maternal grandparents house for a week or two while my mother and her husband took their own vacation to North Carolina. My mother promised she would have another surprise for me when she returned.

And I’ll leave that surprise for another day.

Until next time. X - The Crone

[ravennm84]

Marinette Family Court Reveal

After the overwhelming resonse I received from Marinette Family Court Circus, how could I not write a sequel? This story focuses more on what was going on with the class and what they’re seeing on the news. There will be some salt coming, so have a glass of water on hand. Anyways, Warm-Fuzzies and please enjoy!!

The class was in a state of shock. In the span of 24 hours, there was so much joy and tragedy. Gathered at Alya’s apartment, they watched TVi news as Hawkmoth and Mayura were unmasked as Gabriel Agreste and his assistant, Nathalie. The class was in an uproar for a while, wondering if Adrien had been involved.

Lila shed tears, real ones, at the loss of her modeling job and the chance to keep Adrien as a trophy boyfriend. Now, he was useless to her. Anything to do with him would be toxic to her reputation, her only chance was to use her tears and claim that she’d had no idea that he was involved in such things. That he must have been trying to use her to get close to her mother to have international backing. Luckily, her classmates were such sheep that no one questioned what she said. They just comforted her, even ignoring the announcement of Adrien being exonerated of any charges, beyond a reasonable doubt, a few hours later.

The following day in class, Mme. Bustier came in and announced that not only had Adrien been pulled out of school for his own safety, but Marinette would not be attending for a while. “I’m afraid that she was in a terrible accident and has been put in the hospital.”

“How bad?” Alya asked, standing from her chair.

“She’s alive, but I’m afraid that her parents and grandmother were killed in a fatal car accident.”

From there, gossip flew all around the room. How bad had it been? How hurt was Marinette? Do you think the accident was Marinette’s fault?

What?

They weren’t sure who asked that question, but it brought up other things. How she’d been acting strange the past few months. The way she’d distanced herself from everyone in class. How she’d been bullying Lila when she thought no one was looking. Always calling Lila a liar even though she had no proof. It was clear to everyone that she was a troubled girl, but the idea that she’d caused the accident and killed her parents and grandmother? That didn’t seem like the girl they knew.

Still, they weren’t sure. So, no one really reached out to her in the hospital. No one called or went to visit to see if she was alright. Except Lila, she put the fear of her bully aside and went to check on her, only to call Alya crying an hour later.

“I don’t understand why she hates me so much.” Lila sobbed on Alya’s couch and the spectacled girl rubbed her friend’s back. “All I did was tell her that I was worried about her, but she yelled at me and told me to get out of the room. But I can’t blame her. I think she’s just scared.”

“Of course she’s scared, she just lost her family-”

“No, she killed her family!” Lila stressed, looking freaked out. “She admitted it to me, like she didn’t think anyone would believe me! She said she distracted her father while he was driving and caused the crash since they were starting to get wise to how she really is, and that her grandmother was just ‘collateral damage’. I didn’t think anyone could be so cruel!”

Alya was in shock. She hadn’t thought that Marinette, someone she used to think of as a friend, would ever do something like that. Especially to her own family. But… Lila had never lied to her, why would she start now? “Do the police know about this?”

Lila shook her head. “I’m not sure. But I do know that she’s talking to a lawyer, she’s probably going to get her inheritance and disappear before anyone figures out what she’s done.”

“Don’t worry, girl. I won’t let her get away with this.”

“What are you going to do?” Lila asked, her voice trembling.

“Whatever I need to do to get justice for Tom and Sabine.”

~oOo~

To say that the reaction Alya got from the Paris Police Department when told them that she had a source that Marinette had killed her family in order to collect her inheritance and disappear… it hadn’t been well received. Officer Roger came to the interrogation room personally, seeing as how she was in his daughter’s class, as Alya sat with her extremely angry parents.

“Do you want to explain why you just tried to file a false police report?” Officer Roger asked her.

“It’s not false! I have a source.”

“And who might that be?”

She hesitated at that, Lila had begged her to keep her name out of it. “I’m not really comfortable saying.” 

“Then how exactly did this source of yours, gain this information?”

Thinking it over for a moment, she decided that was okay. “It was someone that visited Marinette, she admitted to my source that she purposefully distracted her father while he was driving and caused the crash.” When Officer Roger looked even angrier, she knew that must have been right and he didn’t want to admit that he’d been wrong.

At least…

“Mlle. Cesaire, as this has been made public knowledge, allow me to tell you exactly how wrong your source is. Firstly, Tom Dupain was not driving the car, Gina Dupain was driving. As for Marinette causing the accident, that’s also untrue. Street cameras confirm that four university students ran a red light and struck their car. The driver of the other car even confessed to having been drinking and causing the accident.”

Alya was in shock. Tom hadn’t been driving and Marinette hadn’t caused the accident… that would mean…

“Hate to break it to you Mlle. Cesaire, but whoever your source is has lied to you and caused you to be charged with filing a false police report.”

All the way home, Alya’s parents were scolding her for even thinking that Marinette could do such a thing. “She has always been such a good friend to you, and don’t think we don’t know about all the times you had Marinette watch Ella and Etta while you went off on dates with Nino. I bet you never even offered to pay her for babysitting the girls, did you?” Her father snapped as he parked the car outside their apartment building.

“And what about all the dresses and handmade gifts she gave you, some for no reason at all. Did you ever even thank her for those? And still, you accuse her of killing her entire family and almost getting herself killed for money? Why would you ever believe that?”

Seeing no reason to keep it to herself anymore, she told them. She told them how Marinette seemed to change when her new friend, Lila, came to school. How she had been calling her a liar just because she was jealous about the glamorous life she lived, the celebrities she knew, and her crush on Adrien. How she kept on accusing Lila of lying and faking injuries, even to the point of hurting her when Marinette threw a napkin at her and strained her sprained wrist. And then, when Marinette had been expelled, how she had accused Lila of being behind the whole thing.

When she was finished explaining, she thought for sure that she’d convinced her parents. Then she saw the looks on their faces.

“Alya, at any point, did you ever look up any of Lila’s claims?” Her mother asked in a slow, even voice.

“Now you sound like Marinette!”

“You do not talk to your mother like that!” Her father snapped before taking a deep breath to steady himself. Even without Hawkmoth around, it was difficult for people to express themselves as they used to. “Alya, I want you to take out your phone and look up any articles that have to do with Jagged Stone and Lila Rossi.”

Realizing how upset her parents were, she did what her father told her, knowing that she would find the proof in a couple minutes and they would see that Marinette…

Her phone read 1 result found: the Ladyblog.

Confused, she looked up any connection between Lila and Bruce Wayne. She said that she was practically a member of the family and that she and Damien Wayne were…

1 result found: the Ladyblog

Her hands were beginning to shake as she did her search for Lila and Tony Stark, that had to be true! She had talked about meeting him over video chat in class and how they’d talked about…

1 result found: the Ladyblog

Search after search, it was all the same. Lila and Clara Nightingale, Lila and Prince Ali, Lila and XY, Lila and the Avengers, Lila and Ladybug: 1 result found: the Ladyblog.

“I-I don’t understand?”

“Did you, at any time, check your sources before posting them?” Her mother asked, but Alya didn’t answer. She’d thought that Lila’s word had been enough, but… “This Lila girl has been lying to you, and apparently she’s been bullying someone who you used to think was a real friend. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

And she really was. She’d turned on Marinette, accusing her of being a jealous bully that had killed her own family, all on the word of a liar. So when her parents grounded her and told her that she was to shut down the Ladyblog, she didn’t argue. The blog was so full of lies that she would never be able to use it as a credible source for work experience in the future, if she even had a future in journalism anymore.

~oOo~

The next day at school, Alya could barely lift her eyes to meet anyone around her. Her mother said that she should be ashamed, and she was. She was ashamed, mortified, depressed, and all together hating herself after spending the entire night thinking of all the cruel and terrible things she had said to and about her former friend. She wasn’t going to delude herself thinking that she and Marinette could ever be friends again, she didn’t deserve her after throwing her aside for a bunch of fake stories and glittery lies.

But there was still one thing she could do. It wouldn’t make things right but it would probably be something Marinette would have done if she could have. So Alya got to class early and connected her laptop to the overhead projector. When everyone, barring Adrien and Marinette got to class. She got down to business.

“Everyone, I’ve got something very important to tell you, it has to do with Marinette.” She could already hear the murmurs around the classroom, Lila must have messaged them the lies while she’d been at the police station. “I want to start by saying that we have been misinformed. After speaking with the police and doing a ton of research, I can say with close to 100% certainty that Marinette never bullied Lila and that Lila has been lying to us since she got here.”

Before Lila could say anything, Alya brought up her first powerpoint slide. “I did a search last night on all the connections that Lila’s told us about with Jagged Stone, Clara Nightingale, Bruce Wayne, Tony Stark, Prince Ali, and many others; and they all came up the same thing” The slide showed a screen shots of her searches, showing the only result being the Ladyblog. 

“Lila also told me the other day, how she went to visit Marinette and she confessed that she distracted her father while he was driving to cause the accident and kill her family so she could collect her inheritance.” Alya switched slides to the news article on the accident. “Yet the police report, traffic cameras, and witnesses all claim that to be false. Marinette’s grandmother was driving. The other driver admitted to running the light and causing the accident. And seeing as Marinette has never hid her dislike of Lila, it’s highly doubtful that she would even let Lila into her hospital room, let alone tell her something like that.”

The class had been staring at the slides in a state of shock until Alya finished speaking. Then all of them were whipping out their phones to do their own searches. Lila looked to be in a state of panic, unsure if she could bring anyone back to her side after showing all this evidence and everyone suddenly looking things up themselves.

“Oh, and Lila,” Alya said in a slightly sweet voice that made the italian glare. “So you know, my parents grounded me when the police charged me for filing a false police report after what you told me. They also decided to call the embassy to talk to your mother directly. I hope you at least get into as much trouble as you tried to do to Marinette.”

The girl didn’t want to stick around to find out, she was about to run out of the class but Mme. Bustier entered a second later and told everyone to take their seats. Lila tried to get herself excused multiple times, but the teacher just said “I understand that you must be upset by everything that has happened, but please know that you don’t have to leave the room to cry. This is a safe place again, and we are here for you.”

Before Lila’s 4th attempt to be excused, M. Damocles’ assistant knocked on the door and said that Lila was required in the office. The girl shot Alya an if-I-could-kill-you-now-I-would look before gathering her things and stomping out of the classroom. Alya hoped that she would never see the girl again. 

Then just before lunch, Markov came on and alerted everyone that the news was talking about Marinette. Mme. Bustier turned the projector back on and plugged Markov in. Sure enough, there was Marinette, looking much worse for wear. She was in a wheelchair with her right leg and arm in casts. They could see cuts healing on her exposed skin and she was much more pale than the last time they saw her. But what really caught the class’ attention, was what the bar read at the bottom of the screen. “Custody battle between Stark, Wayne, and Stone”.

The camera switched from Marinette to Jagged Stone. “Tom and Sabine were like family to me, some of the most rock’n’roll folks I’ve ever met. When I got the call saying that they were gone and Marinette had no one else, all I could think about was being there for the rockin’ little lady. She is the kindest, smartest, and most talented girl I’ve ever met. Whatever it takes, I’m going to do what I can to help her.”

Then the camera went to Tony Stark. “Tom Dupain and Sabine Cheng were the kind of people others should strive to be; they stood up for what was right and let you know if you were wrong. I was on the receiving end of their lectures more than once, and they’re probably one of the reasons why I put on the suit over and over again. They helped make me a better man… and now they’re gone. I can never repay them for how they helped me, the least I can do is try to give their daughter a safe environment to heal.”

Finally, the camera came to Bruce Wayne and his sons. “I know the pain of losing one's parents when you’re young, it’s not something I would wish on anyone. But I had a support system when I was young, one of those people was Gina Dupain, a wonderful woman that forced me to see that there was still good in the world. She passed that goodness and strength to Tom Dupain and was lucky enough to find a good woman like Sabine. The fact that they are gone from the world… all I could think when I heard of their passing was how dark the world would become without the three of them. But there is also so much goodness in their daughter, Marinette. If I can have the opportunity; I just hope that I can do for Marinette, what Gina did for me.”

When the camera switched again, it came to Nadja Chamack, who looked a little teary eyed. “This story has been admittedly difficult for me to remain objective, as I know… knew the family personally. I do agree with Jagged Stone, Tony Stark, and Bruce Wayne in saying that Tom, Sabine, and Gina were wonderful people and it is a great loss that they are no longer with us. TVi news will continue to follow this story as it develops. Back to you, Alec.”

Mme. Bustier’s class watched the news in total shock. They’d had no idea that Marinette knew Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne, but how could they have forgotten that she knew Jagged Stone and Nadja Chamack. Hell, Alya had even watched Manon with her more than once. 

All the things Lila had promised them, Marinette probably could have done and more. She could have introduced Kitty Section and Nino to Jagged Stone and given them an in to the music industry. Computer programming and robotics for Max, there was no one better known in the industry than Tony Stark. Business and charities, an introduction to Bruce Wayne could have done wonders for Chloe, Sabrina, and Mylene. If Alya had even asked while they were still friends, Marinette may have asked Nadja if they were offering any internships at TVi for her. And even if her former friend didn’t have any obvious contacts in sports for Kim, or art for Alix and Nathaniel; with the way her name was getting out there with her fashion designs, she’d have probably made connections within the next few years.

A look around the room told Alya that the class was thinking the same thing. If they had just listened to their friend, instead of calling her jealous. If they had looked into a single thing Lila said instead of blindly following her. If they had even just gone to visit Marinette in the hospital rather than leave her alone during the hardest time of her life… No, they had no right to ask anything of her and all of them knew it.

Later that day, just before school let out for the day, Markov alerted everyone that Marinette was leaving the courthouse and the little robot was reconnected to the projector. What they saw was Marinette giving a small smile, her lawyer looking relieved, and the three men smiling fondly at the teenage girl. When the reporters started firing questions at them they were silenced when Marinette raised her good arm and motioned for everyone to calm down before pointing to Nadja.

“Has the judge come to a decision on the subject of custody?” Nadja asked, pointing her microphone at Marinette. Only to be answered by her lawyer, the bar listed his name as M. Contere.

“Mlle. Dupain-Cheng and I have presented a proposal to the judge, it has yet to be finalized but I will say that it holds potential.”

Marinette pointed to another reporter, who had been politely raising his hand. “Mssrs. Stone, Stark, and Wayne seem to be in high spirits, does this indicate that the final decision will allow for all parties to have interactions with Mlle. Dupain-Cheng?”

M. Contere kept a straight, professional face, but everyone could see the happy crinkle at the corner of his eyes. “Although I cannot, at this time, comment on the specifics of the proposal, I will say that it is in the best interests of my client.”

Marinette chose a young girl who looked a bit overwhelmed but smiled gratefully. “This question is directed to Mssrs. Stone, Stark, and Wayne. What kind of accommodations are you planning on making if receiving custody?”

The three men shared a look before smiling at the young reporter. 

“Anything Marinette will need to heal and make a future for herself,” Bruce Wayne began.

“And probably a bunch of things she’ll say she doesn’t need, but will end up giving her anyway, since she deserves everything.” Tony Stark smiled down at her, earning a you-better-not look from Marinette, and caused a few reporters to chuckle.

“All of us here see this rockin’ little lady as family, these custody hearings will make it official. I can say with great certainty that, no matter what the judge decides, myself and these two men will do everything in our power to help her in any way we can.” Jagged said, as he placed a gentle hand on top of Marinette’s head.

M. Contere pointed at a different reporter this time, and was visibly surprised by the question. “There has been a rumor going around that Marinette purposefully caused the accident to collect her inheritance, any comment?”

The three powerful men that were standing behind Marinette became visibly upset and Marinette began to cry. Before Jagged Stone, Tony Stark, or Bruce Wayne could advance on the reporter to demand where he had heard such a claim, their lead lawyers stepped forward. The intimidating force that the three of them exuded was enough that all of the reporters took a few steps back.

“That question is a blatant falsehood that was founded by rumor, not facts,” stated the Stone lawyer in a cold voice as he stared down the reporter who asked the question.

The Wayne lawyer continued, speaking clearly so no one would mishear or misquote what was said. “As stated in the police report and other sources, the accident was caused when a group of university students failed to yield at a red light and struck the Dupain-Chengs’ vehicle. The driver has already pleaded guilty to charges of DUI, three counts of vehicular manslaughter, and vehicular assault.” 

The camera panned over to Tony Stark’s lawyer, as he finished speaking quietly to the three men before turning back to the camera. “These comments have also come to the attention of the Paris Police Department, as someone attempted to file a false police report on the matter. After a brief discussion with Mssrs. Stone, Wayne, and Stark, they have agreed to work together, along with the PPD, to find the source of these rumors and see the individual brought up on charges of slander, harassment, and defamation of character; among other charges.”

“No more questions,” M. Contere said as he and the other lawyers escorted their clients away from the courthouse. The reporters tried to ask more questions, but were met with icy looks and ‘no comment”.

Alya couldn’t help but smile at that. After school, when Officer Roger came to pick up Sabrina, she would tell him exactly who her source was. She would tell who her “source” had been and all the things she’d said about Marinette since she’d started attending school. She would show him all the recordings on her blog before it was shut down and send him video copies of Lila’s interviews as evidence. If she was lucky, Lila would also be charged for slandering Jagged Stone, Tony Stark, and Bruce Wayne; as well as Marinette.

Again, Alya knew that this wouldn’t fix her friendship with Marinette, but it was also the right thing to do. And for the first time in a long time, she was going to be on the side of good.

Taglist:

@whydoexamsexist  @geekydragonyt  @thornalchemist23

@maribat-is-lifeblood  @ironspiderstark  @miyla-lokidottir

@futursworld  @luveverything12  @dreamkitty25

@smolplantmum  @imablinkmarvelarmy  @moonlitiiminie

@chez-pezeater

[tomthesoftie]

Hi! I've recently discovered your blog and I love it 😍. I was also wondering, if you could write a fic (obviously if you like the idea, no pressure at all) where the reader is a an assassin, in love with mob!tom. Her last mission was a failure and she came home injuried. Tom was scared to death because she didn't text him or call him (obviously). She was trying to help Tom with his business but she underestimates the other mob. Tom helps her cleaning the wounds, they argued at first but I'm a puddle for happy endings. Thank you for your time, have a nice day 🥰🥰🥰

her blood-stained bodysuit

❧ prompt: all you wanted was to help your mobster boyfriend. you never expected your plan to go all wrong and result in failure. when you return home with blood soaking your suit and drying in your hair, how does Tom react?

❧ pairing: mob!tom x assassin!reader

❧ genre: angst, fluff, action (?)

❧ warnings: mentions of blood, mild gore, fighting, mentions of guns, mentions of hickey, language

❧ a/n: though i should’ve worked on my script for my final, i worked on this instead. i’m not procrastinating, i have everything planned out lmao nah. this fic wasn’t supposed to be as “gore-y” as it came out as, but, like, it’s whatever. hope you enjoyed this fic because i worked on it for like three days lmao. alright bye xx

part 2!

masterlist                     prompt list

Walking into the run-down building, you gripped your gun tightly, eyes open for any sudden attacks. Your ears strained as they listened for any sounds. 

You were suited in an all-black bodysuit, handgun holster around your waist. Your hair had been tightly tied into a bun, no loose hair out to get in your face. A mask had covered half of your face, hiding your identity. 

You barely knew the place you were heading into, but you knew it enough to assassinate your target and escape. You had planned the entire event out. First, you’d rid the place of any cameras and enemy attackers. Then, you’d set a distraction opposite to where you were heading. Finally, once you reached your destination, you’d quickly shoot your target, leaving them a milli-second to breathe before falling cold to the ground. Your escape was easy. You’d climb out of the window and fall right into your vehicle, allowing yourself a fast escape.

As you stepped into the dark, musty building, you saw the first cameras you needed to shoot out. What didn’t occur to you was the loud echo traveling through the entire building: your first mistake.

You continued on, hiding when you saw the first sign of your enemy’s men but continuing once they passed. Unexpectedly, when you began to carry yourself further, you felt a presence watching you. The butt of your gun swung back, hitting someone in the side. They let out a loud groan, alerting everybody nearby. You quickly shot the man dead, rushing to the nearest exit. Unfortunately for you, there was no path for you to escape. There were men in every exit you planned to use when in case of an emergency.

It was like they already knew you were coming.

Deciding to take your chances, you ran, shooting and dodging bullets being shot your way. Luckily, you were a trained assassin with much experience. You found yourself at an exit when someone was able to land a shot in your thigh. Groaning in pain, you perspired on, not letting them take you in. Throwing the broken-down doors shut, you limped your way to the doors out of the building. Thinking you had escaped all the men, you let your guard down for a second to tend to your wounded leg. 

In the midst of your pain, you didn’t notice the man coming up from behind you. He threw a harsh hit to your head, knocking you off balance. With your already injured leg, you fell over easily, head hitting the rugged ground beneath you. You felt a sharp pain spike the side of your head before feeling a warm liquid run down the side of your face. 

Reaching a hand up to feel the warm liquid, you saw red and fired your gun at the grinning man above you. You shot him dead, bullets continuously lodging into his chest. His shirt soaked with his blood.

“Asshole,” you muttered before getting back on your way. 

When you finally reached your car, you took off as fast as you could, knowing that if you didn’t get going, they would be trailing you all the way back.

-

Tom was in his office, reading over some papers when the door abruptly opened. He snapped his head up in anger, knowing that his men knew not to barge in without knocking or they’d face the consequences.

“You better have a good reason as to why-” when he saw Harrison panting and wide-eyed, he paused, worry taking over his thoughts. “What happened?”

“Y/N’s missing,” the blonde said, breathlessly.

“What do you mean missing?” Tom asked, attention fully on Harrison.

“She isn’t in her room or the gym. I’ve tried calling her multiple times, but it keeps going to voicemail,” Haz explained.

“Fuck,” Tom whispered, rushing out of his office to find you.

-

You threw the car door shut, feeling hazy at the loss of blood. Holding your head in pain, you limped before the doors of your home before falling over, vision going black.

-

“Tom, the system says someone’s entered the code into the gate,” Haz said as he saw the notification pop up on the security system.

“That has to be her,” Tom said before running to the home’s main doors.

Pulling open the large door, he was revealed to your limp body laying on the cold floor, with dried blood covering you and fresh blood tangled in your hair. For a moment, Tom assumed the worst and thought you were dead, when he brought himself back to logicality. He placed two fingers to your neck, successfully locating your weak pulse. He let out a happy sigh but remembered that you were still bleeding heavily and needed to be treated right away.

He lifted you up in his arms, carrying you into your shared room. He passed a concerned-looking Harrison, telling him to get the medical supplies.

-

You woke to the feeling of a wet cloth wiping down your cheek. Flinching away from the contact, your eyes weakly shot open to see your brunette boyfriend.

“Tom,” your voice came out weak and hoarse.

“Shh, darling, you need to rest,” he silenced you as he wiped you clean from your blood.

Tom wasn’t mad at you, only a bit frustrated. He wondered why you put yourself at such risk. He knew you to make logical, smart decisions, but here you were, lying in bed severely drained of your blood. He sighed aloud at your recklessness.

His weight lifting off the bed, he stood to put away the bloody towelette, shaking his head as he was consumed by his own thoughts. You watched his back, and you could practically see the disappointment radiating off of him.

“I know I fucked up alright?” You croaked, sighing in shame.

“It’s just so unlike you to be so, so-” a hand reached up to massage his temples, “Just be more careful next time.”

“No,” you bit back, hearing the irritation in his voice, “please, finish your sentence.”

“It doesn’t matter what I was going to say becau-” 

You cut him off, “It does matter. What were you going to say about me?” You suddenly felt a surge of energy run through your veins.

“Why are you trying to pick a fight with me right now? You need to rest,” he tried to tuck you under the covers, only to be pushed away by a weak hand.

“I’m not trying to pick a fight with you. I just want to know what you thought about me,” you snapped.

“Fine, if you want to know so much, I was going to say reckless. It’s so unlike you to be so reckless. There, I said it,” he fired back, annoyed by your consistent nagging. 

You scoffed in disbelief, “I was not being reckless. I had a plan, a well-thought out plan at that, but they somehow intercepted it. I can’t predict things like that happening. At least I had a backup plan or I wouldn’t be here right now.”

You shifted in bed, trying to sit upright, flinching when your head spun at the sudden movement. You grabbed the aching side, trying to subdue the pain.

“Lay down. You’re only going to hurt yourself more, if you sit up,” the accented voice said demandingly. 

You sneered at the demand but listened, regardless. 

“I know what I’m doing, you know? I’m a well-trained assassin, not to mention one of the best ones yet,” you said in a hushed tone.

“I know that. That’s why I’m confused about how you came back so heavily injured. I expected you to know better,” he huffed, turning the light of the room off.

The last comment had hit you harder than you expected. You knew he had high expectations of you, but you never thought he would put you down for messing up once.

Glancing at his silhouette, you never felt as much dislike for a person than you did Tom, at that moment. You liked being critiqued but not insulted. Your line of work was very important, and your pride was big.

He slid into his space beside you, laying flat on his back, arms crossed over the covers. You remained laying on your side beside him, not sparing him a glance.

A wet streak slid down the side of your nose, another following over the bridge of your nose. Reaching a hand up to wipe the liquid away, you realized it was your tears. You tried to quietly sniffle away your tears, but Tom heard them clearly in the radio silent room. 

You weren’t supposed to be weak. You weren’t supposed to shed tears late at night. You were an assassin for fuck’s sake. 

“You know, I was doing it for you,” you whispered. “I was trying to get rid of that stupid asshole that’s been targetting you this entire time,” your tears began to come down harder.

“Darling, why would you do that? As much as I appreciate it, I’d prefer it more if you came home safely and not bleeding out,” he spoke, turning to wrap an arm around your waist.

“I just wanted to help,” you sniffled, cuddling into his warmth.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I was just worried about you,” he murmured as he planted wet kisses on your bare shoulder.

“I know, but it still hurt,” you replied, lifting a hand up to wipe away your excess tears.

“I’m sorry, princess. Can you forgive me?” His lips attacked the supple skin of your neck, gently sucking and leaving a purple mark behind.

You hummed, a hand snaking behind you to push him away, “Yes, I forgive you. Now, leave me alone. I’m tired.”

“Alright, love. Let’s sleep,” he smiled into your neck, arms encasing you in a warm hug, and before you knew it, you fell into a deep sleep.

[amindofstone]

A pirates treasure

a/n: I am in love with a broken character. I am in love with a man that has “death” tattooed on his fingers. I am in love with a freaking 2D character that has the name “Surgeon of death”. Call me crazy but hey, the owner of a heart was never able to choose in who it falls in love. Yeah, to put it short I am in love with a character that barely has any romantic, lovely or sweet traits but still gets me screaming at 2 am whenever he appears. I am in love with Trafalgar D. Water Law.

a/n edited: My attention was drawn to a huge mistake of mine. I really don't want to justify my mistake and just delete it as if nothing happened. So therefore I'll do a quick explanation.

As you can see I used the picture above as a "cover" for my imagine without making any researches about the artist of the amazing work. I got the picture send by a friend with the request if I could use it and so I did without thinking twice. I should have done my job properly by finding the artist and asking for permission but I didn't and simply neglected that. And I'm truly and really sorry for that and genuinely apologise from the bottom of my heart. I hope I'll be forgiven. The picture used was that of the artist @666deaddash999 that has a blog here on tumblr and definitely should be seen. And again my apologies. 

a/n edited pt. 3.: I am in f***ing tears. I don´t deserve this much kindness. This artist, the dear @666deaddash999​ , is truely an angel. I really am garteful for being allowed to use it. Like damn they even liked my fic!!! I am in tears and emotional AF!! Anyways have a nice day and thank you for reading my work!

Genre: anime imagine? One Piece imagine?

Character(s): Trafalgar D. Water Law x Rose (reader)

Warnings: Maybe grammar or spelling mistakes. (I genuinely apologize. English is not my mother tongue and I´m really trying to improve. So please be so kind and have mercy)

Words: 4257

Info: Keep in mind that the words in italic are Rose (reader) train of thoughts.

!!! Please do not steal my idea or work. Credit me if this is shared or published in any other platform or any other way. This took me a lot of time. So please respect me as the writer and my work. Picture used is not mine. Credits to the rightful owner. !!!

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"Are you insane?! Can you hear what you're saying right now?! No! Do you know what you're saying right now?!", asked the now furious woman. "She lost her mind Marcus. Your daughter lost her brain on the way back home!!", the woman with the probably most expensive tiara on her head was running around the salon while making sure her husband understood her point in their daughters failure. "For the sake of sanity Marcus say something!!! Won't you?!", the woman yelled at her husband who was sitting on his chair in front of the chimney. “I regret the day I gave birth to you? I regret those nine months I carried you. I did not give birth to you so you can end up like this! This is not what we taught you!”. The king was clearly overwhelmed by the whole situation that had to happen two weeks before the king and his spouse from the neighboring island would come. Right at the moment in which he and his wife decided to make their daughter marry their son. The king who usually was always in a good mood and had a smile on his lips was now the total opposite. He was sad and felt lost. He didn't know how to cope with the situation his wife; or rather life confronted him with.

With a hand covering half of his face and closed eyes he focused on his breathing and just let his spouse calm down first before he spoke what was on his mind. He kept telling himself to breathe in and breath out when the queen’s next words made him stand up and leave the room.

"You traitor! How dare you sit there like you're the victim, you disgrace! You disgusting piece of shit! Where did you leave you honor and pride?! In the bed of that scum?!", the words of the mad woman made the young royal look up for the first time she entered the salon. The princess, the third daughter of one of the most powerful kingdoms, was in tears. A hand covering her mouth with the hope to keep her screams of pain inside she just let the tears stream down her face. “Look what you did you cheap piece of shit. I am disappointed in you. No wonder I never was fond of you and your existence. You are absolutely not capable of anything in this world. And Marcus calls something like you his beloved daughter. Get out and get back to your chambers. I don´t want to see you out of your quarter before the royal family whose son you´ll be marrying will come. You heard me! And I dare you to start another tantrum about the marriage or else I make you regret existing.”, Rose nodded and left the salon without a word.

On her way back to her quarter her brother, the crown prince, saw her and wanted to stop her and ask what their mother said, but she didn´t let him touch her or talk to her. He wanted to hold her and comfort her since he knew how their mother can hurt one with her words but she didn´t let him come closer. She silently left him behind and ran to her save place so she could cry out loud with the hope of getting rid of the pain in her chest. She cried and cried until her maid came with her dinner. The maid tried her best to make the young princess stop crying and eat something but she couldn´t make it. When the food she brought her got cold she tried to at least make her calm down but to no avail. Before the sad maid left the princess alone she took the food she brought her and asked her with pleading eyes if she could do anything for her. The maid thought that she won´t answer her while still shedding tears when the princess who was sitting on her bed looked her in the eye for the first time since she entered her chambers. The maid gave her a genuine and friendly smile while telling her that she´ll do anything for her. But the words of the princess made her stop smiling while the little spark of hope died down. “Kill me and put this miserable life of mine to an end.”, the maid did not know what to say so she left her chambers with a soft apology and a deep bow.

Silence.

Suffocating silence took over her chambers after a while when no sound of her could be heard anymore. Her throat was sore from the hurt screams that left her. Screams she tried to suppress with a pillow or her hand. Screams she held in for weeks. If her throat wouldn´t be hurting by now and if she had just a bit more energy she would be screaming more. She would be screaming from the top of her lungs while trying to get rid of the pain in her chest that seems to be clinching onto her for dear life. Her heart was aching. Her soul was helplessly trying to understand what was happening right now while her brain stopped functioning. She was lifeless. She looked like a corpse sitting on a bed. She didn´t move an inch or dared to breathe aloud. When someone would have entered her chambers they would have thought a doll was sitting on the massive bed and not the princess. The princess the whole kingdom loved for her genuine smile and friendliness. A princess that was loved by ever person that saw her because of the kindness she holds in her heart and eyes.

The princess. A young lady whose beauty was known all over the world. Whose kindness anyone knew and mentioned. A young royal with a genuine heart, a heart as pure as that of an angel. A young royal in the age of 19 that was able to make any person walk over broken glass if they could make her smile. But what happened to her? A young lady who used to walk around the kingdom with a smile upon her lips and a childlike playfulness. What happened to the girl that used to be the happiness of any person in the palest and the kingdom?

Rose, never thought that the day would come she needed to be told how beautiful life can be. She never thought that the day would come where her siblings and maids would have to come and tell her that life is full of love and happiness 

Isn´t it funny how fast a person can change? How fast the happiness of a person can be taken away from them. Isn´t it funny how something that is supposed to be good can break a person and ruin their whole life? How can something that she was always told about as the most beautiful and powerful thing on earth break her and be the cause of her pain. Why does it carry so much pain and tears when it´s supposed to be the reason a human lives? This doesn´t seem logical to her. It seems like all the things she was told were lies. Lies and lies told one after another. Why did they lie to me?

Rose was freezing. The dress she was wearing at the moment was obviously not able to keep her warm anymore. She needed to change. She needed to take a bath. But she had neither energy nor motivation to do anything so she kept sitting there while looking out of her huge window. Her window was wide open and let the fresh but cold wind of the spring night enter her save place. Her curtains were waving more and more due to the slowly stronger getting wind. Just when she thought that she calmed down a bit, she suddenly started to remember the words of her mother. Words that were sharper than any knife or sword. Words that cut her heart into pieces. Disgrace, she said. Disappointment, she said. She regrets giving me live, she said. And again tears fell down her cheeks. Tears filled by pure hate towards herself. She hated herself. She hated her body and wanted to die. The couple that used to shower her with love now hated her. Slowly more tears started to stream down her face while she tried to muffle down her soft sobs by putting a hand over her mouth. The cold wind that entered her chambers through her open window and door to her terrace stopped by now only to be replaced by rain. It seems like the sky was the only one that understood her pain and cried with her out of empathy. Day, weeks and now months passed and a forbidden longing accompanied her through her lonely days filled with regret. I wish I never went to the harbor with my maid. I wish I could erase that day from my life and memories.

When she thought that the pain she felt couldn´t get worse a person called her name with so much love it hurt her. She was confused and scared at the same time. With panic written all over her face she looked around her chambers only to be greeted by a tall man who entered her bedroom through her terrace. Slow steps were made as if he knew that she´d be overwhelmed by his sudden presence. She couldn´t see his face but knew that he was looking straight into her eyes. Just when he was about to enter her bedroom he stopped at the door of her terrace and allowed her to hear his voice. A voice that was able to get her weak and lose balance and fall on her knees. But luckily she was now sitting on her bed in the same position since a few hours now. “May I enter?”

A soft whine erupted her sore throat, while her heart started to race. As if she ran from one side of the island to the other. She couldn´t believe her eyes. She wanted to scream his name and jump in his arms. She wanted to kiss his face, hands and shower him with all the love she felt for him but she didn´t move but gave him a small nod that allowed him to enter. Am I imagining this?

His hat he seemed to love so much and that turned into his signature got recognized by the heartbroken princess next to his sword that accompanied him through every fight and battle. But his clothes changed into something she thought he would never wear. It changed into something elegant but at the same time simple. A black long cloak was loosely hanging over his shoulder that was decorated at its collar with a thick pitch black fur. Under the cloak she could make out a white wide loose shirt that gave away a beautiful sight of his toned and tattooed chest. He looked like a sculpture that was awakened to life. She couldn´t believe what she was seeing. She was staring at his face, his hands, his slightly wetted clothes with the hope that her eyes were playing a stupid game with her heart. She couldn´t look away while all this time he was slowly coming closer to her and the bed she was sitting on. Just when she realized who was standing in her chambers she quickly tried her best to pull herself together and speak in a half decent steady voice but sadly to no avail. “Don´t come closer and get back to the place you came from.”

She tried. She tried her best to talk in a convincing and steady voice but she failed, miserably. Her trembling voice and body betrayed her. Her hands that were holding tight onto her sheets betrayed her. Her knuckles that turned white from the pressure she put on them betrayed her. But most of all it were her eyes and tears that betrayed her. Her whole body screamed to be touched by him. Her hands longed for his warmth. Her heart screamed to be consoled and her eyes gave away all of the love she had for him. She shouldn´t be able to cry anymore thinking about the whole day she only cried but unlike a few minutes ago she was now shedding tears of pure joy. “Are you sure that you want me to leave?”, the man in front of her asked her to not only convince himself that this is what she wanted but also to give her the chance to rethink her choice, but the black haired woman nodded what she instantly regretted.

Regret. What a simple word to use when it hold so much emotions and thoughts.

The moment she saw him make a step back and put a distance between him and her, a quiet pleading to not leave her left her lips that made him instantly drop his sword. The sudden sound of his falling weapon surprised her and made her look down to the place it fell. She wanted to ask if he was doing fine when the next move of the man that ruined her life shook her to death. Everything happened in the blink of an eye. He took of his hat and threw it somewhere she couldn´t make out only to get on her bed and connect their lips. She didn´t wanted him to kiss her. She didn´t wanted him this close but still grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer. Rose´s hands were trembling while her tears still didn´t stop falling. It felt like a dream, a dream come true when she remembered her mother’s words and pushed him away from her.

Trafalgar D. Water Law.

What or who gave you the permission to enter my live and turn it upside down. The tears that were falling down her cheeks were that of pure happiness to have him in front of her but slowly with her mother´s words coming back to her mind they slowly turned into tears of pain and fear. Law wanted more. He wanted to kiss her more and hold her. He wanted her all to himself. He took her hands, that were still holding onto his shirt, in his and kissed each and every finger of her one by one. “She´ll kill you.”, she said with a quivering voice with the hope to make him understand in what kind of situation they were but he didn´t care at all. “She said she´ll execute you in front our nation.”, but still the pirate didn´t care. In fact he intertwined their hands and started to kiss her all over her face. “She called you so many names and said that she´ll kill any person you are close to right after she killed you. Law are you listening.”, she kept telling him what her mother the queen said but her lover didn´t seem to care. But to make clear that he indeed was listening to her he nodded and hummed in her ear before he made his way to her neck. But before he could place his lips on her skin again she said something what made him stop in his tracks. “I´m getting engaged in two weeks and married next month.”, just when she thought that he´ll get made and push her away she heard a soft chuckle before he laid her down and get back to kissing her while making sure to leave marks here and there. She felt pathetic. She felt horrible. She felt like agreeing to her mother’s words that she is not worth being a royal or a princess. “Law, don´t you understand in what situation I am right now? I feel like I´m a joke to y….”.

“Am I a joke to you? Are my feelings a joke to you?”, Law stopped her midsentence just to leave her with a question that made her rethink all the thoughts she had in the last weeks. But she had no time to think because the man on top of her stood up and left her bed. Panic overcame her and she started to breath quickly. “Please don´t leave me. I beg you Law. I don´t know what to do without you. Please!”

If the princess could see the man’s face at this moment she would have seen his genuine smile of pure happiness and relief. “Who said I wanted to leave you?”, said the tall man and made his way towards her door just to lock it. No matter where he went Rose followed all of his steps around her chambers. He closed the window and the door to her terrace while also making sure to close the curtains. If her maid did not came to light the candelas on her nightstand it would have been pitch black and she wouldn´t be able to see what the pirate who sneaked into the palace would do right now. He took of his shoes and placed them neatly next to the armchair in front of her chimney. Slow and carefully he took of his slightly wet cloak and put it over the backrest to dry. While she wondered if he wasn´t cold with what he was wearing she realized a bit too late that he took his shirt off and went to light up some other candelas in her room while giving her a full display of his tattoos. How on earth could someone as beautiful as him fall for me? What happened that made him love me to an extend he came all the way to the palace to me? Do I deserve this much love? Rose was looking down to her hands that lay on her lap when she felt the bed shift. She didn´t dare to look him in the eyes. She felt cheap and used. How can I marry a man that I don´t love? How can I get married while fully knowing that I gave away the most precious thing I had to a pirate that told me he loved me? I am being the naive and stupid woman my mother called me. “Do you regret losing you virginity to me?”, the sudden question of the criminal she fell in love with surprised her and made her look up to him with widen eyes. “Do you regret letting me be your first kiss? Do you regret letting me lay in your arms?”, Law took her hands back in his to intertwine them again. An act he does without realizing it by now. He was used to place her hand in is. He wanted it and needed it. He wanted to feel her and her warmth. He needed a reassurance that she really was sitting in front of him. He needed something that made clear to him that he wasn´t dreaming and really was beside her and not in his or the strawhats ship sleeping.

“Do you want to marry him? Are you fine with your parents marring you off to someone you don´t love neither know?”, the princess was overwhelmed not only by his question but also by his eyes which were filled by sadness. His grey eyes that usually had something playful and fierce in it. His eyes that used to always soften whenever the landed on her who was his lover, his woman, his absolute everything. The princess placed her hands on his face and caressed his cheeks. If only she knew what that little gesture did to him. If only she knew how much control she had over him. If only. “Trafalgar Law. I gave you everything I had. I let you be my first love and my first lover. I let you be my first kiss and my first time not for you to ask me if I regretted it. Law I love you. Although my miserable live won´t allow me to be with you I can assure you that I would throw everything away only to be with you.”, Laws eyes were closed. He couldn’t think properly anymore. His heart was racing. His mind was an absolute mess. He wanted her close to him. He wanted to feel her. He needed her so he sat her down on his lap and leaned back. With his head resting on the headboard of her bed and the royal lady on top of him he tried to calm his heart down and make it stop racing. “If I wouldn´t be a doctor I would have thought I was about to die whenever I had you near me.”, the young princess looked at him with concern in her eyes. “At that time I couldn´t understand why my heart was racing or why I felt like I was getting crushed. There was always this feeling of something or someone putting a huge amount of pressure on my chest whenever I thought about you. And whenever I had you close to me I felt like I was drowning and losing all my powers. But now I know that it´s alright to feel like this because this is how it´s supposed to be. Because today I know that it´s because I love you.”, Law was not someone that spoke out loud about his feelings. He wasn´t the type of person who shared his thoughts but when he did he was able to blow any person away. The words of her lover made her heart race while guilt over came her. “Stop. Please stop.”, begged Rose while hiding her face in the crock of his neck. She knew that she was hurting him by telling him to stop. She knew that she wasn´t supposed to react like this but what could she do, she was promised to a prince of a neighbor island. She shouldn´t be kissing him or hugging him. She shouldn´t be laying in his arms while he told her how much she meant to him. She should be sending him away like a worthy daughter and princess should do.

“Do you want me to leave. If so than just tell me and I will leave you alone tonight. I really don´t have a problem with that. I can´t bear seeing you sad, my love. I will come tomorrow. Would you like that?”, hearing his words made her look up and see his face to make sure he wasn´t playing with her but no, he was serious. He was smiling down to her while caressing her cheek. The look he gave her broke her heart. She knew he loved her. No matter how many times she told herself that she meant nothing to him her heart told her different. “This is not how it works, Law! You are such a fool. You idiot! I just told you that I´m promised to a prince and here you are telling me that you will come tomorrow if I don´t feel well. What is wrong with you?”, tears were falling down her cheeks. Thinking about the amount of tears she just shed today makes one wonder how she is still possible to cry more. Rose hit him a few times on his chest before she left his lap and sat down next to him. She couldn´t bear being this close to him so she tried putting some distance between him and her when Law laid her down and hovered above her.

“Tell me what is wrong with you? Do you really think I let your parents take you away from me? Do you really think I let some random bastard marry my woman? I am a pirate Rose. If I want something I get it and when I have it I won´t give it back. Do you understand?”, Law spoke in a soft tone but one full of power and determination. Rose didn´t know what to say so she simply kept quiet and kept listening to him. “You are mine. My treasure. My property, You are mine all alone and I don´t share what is mine. And if anyone is so foolish to try to take what is mine I won´t hesitate to cut off their heart.”, the dreaded pirate spoke in his calm but deep voice and made the woman underneath him stare at him without daring to move an inch. “Now tell me do you really thing I let you get married to anyone that is not me?”, Rose was numb. She was awestruck and speechless so Law took the matter in his own hands and took her face in his hands and shook her head in a playful manner. He knew that his words took her by surprise what could he do? It was her guilt that he was head over heel in love with her. “No, my darling. I won´t let go of you. Just wait a few more days and wait for me. I have a little plan to get you out of her.”, the last words the pirate spoke made her widen her eyes. Law indeed loved the effect he had on her. The princess wanted to say something but the pirate didn´t allow her to speak up. He placed a short kiss on her lips before he slowly started to unbutten her dress. “Law?!”

“You can´t imagine how much I missed you. Please allow me to show you how much you mean to me, my dear. Hold me and show me that your presence is not a dream. Please allow me to love you.”

[belit0]

Anonymous:

Hey! I just found ur blog and I’m liking it, could I request something of Indra x reader smut in which they’re sparring and reader is pretty good, almost as good as him, and Indra has always liked her and she teases him and then he goes all dominant and smut ensues

Your relationship with Indra has always been different in an indecipherable way. All the students of the future heir of Ninshu were trained by him with rigor and hardness, hoping to form valuable warriors capable of defending their lives in the future. But when it comes to you, the way the Ōtsutsuki has to transmit his knowledge is… uncomfortable.

Unable to understand when the relationship with your Sensei changed so much, you start trying to go back over your memories. You have been appointed to Indra’s command since you were both just children, and as infants, your bond reached the rank of a beautiful friendship. However, as the years went by, that had changed.

With every ounce of respect that Indra gained in his person, the innocence he once carried as a toddler was lost. Was that why he barely came around to correct your mistakes? He showed no difficulty in directing degrading glances at less skilled students when they failed, but in your direction, there was never even a quick glance.  It was like being a ghost in front of his crimson eyes.

And it was painful to admit that perhaps, as he ascended in his position within the clan, and was soon to take up his position as a leader, he no longer wanted to associate with people from lower branches like you. After all, the only one you saw wailing around him was Ashura, and occasionally his Father.

But an undeniable determination ran through your veins every time you managed to execute one of his techniques in the same way he showed them. In front of the whole group of Indra’s students, you were the best at replicating his fire techniques and his close combat against another adversary. Satisfaction and pride flooded your chest as, one after the other, your opponent’s fell in front of you unable to match your skill.

And just when you thought your Sensei would finally recognize your talent… Indra was already leaving the scene, ignoring your wonderful display of strength, turning his back on you in the most offensive way a mentor can offer. If you were a weak woman, you would have shed tears every time the Ōtsutsuki refused to acknowledge your power, but your predicament does not know surrender.

This is how you decided to act. Indra was once one of your best friends, and although he would be your greatest superior in the future, today he still didn’t have absolute power over the clan. An intervention on the man was the first thing that came to your mind when you thought about your options to get answers.

One cloudy day, which promised a potential storm, you watched your Sensei walk out the gates of the village into the hills, just as he would do every day after his responsibilities. A routine that you knew very well. With dissimulation and light step, you followed him to his destination, without revealing your presence. Keeping a few meters behind him, you slipped through the upper branches of the trees, where the leaves perfectly reconciled your presence. With the stealth of your excellent ability, you watched as Indra began to practice his best skills. A smile appeared on your face when you noticed that you were able to execute them almost like him.

After half an hour, you noticed how your teacher relaxed within, what he believed, was the privacy of his training. Unaware of your presence, Indra stretched out his body, positioned himself in a less murderous pose and continued with his routine. You knew it was time to make your move.

Jumping without warning from your hideout, you landed hard on the forest floor, just as a flash of lightning illuminated the sky above you both. The man turned his face towards you just to watch the moment when your fist struck his face with overwhelming power. Faced with the surprise attack, the Ōtsutsuki flew back a few meters, until impacting with a tree trunk, where his body was embedded within the wood.

Fire engulfed your being as you saw your complete strategy, and the first of your long list of complete points. You would prove to your mentor that you were worthy of his attention and wisdom, and more importantly, you would beat up your best friend for behaving like an idiot with you.

“[Y/N]… what… the fuck… WAS… THAT!?” Indra grunted from his landing place, holding his face with one hand, while with the other he pushed himself off the wood to stand on his feet again.

"I am tired of your bullshit… Indra-Sama. I’m here to prove my worth to you.”

A scandalous thunderclap rumbled in the heights of the cloudy sky, which was turning blacker every second.

"I don’t need you to prove anything. Go home.”

The distance between you two was still great, as the man stood still in his place after being freed from the nature that had caught up him. He wiped his nose with the sleeve of his clothes, as your blow severely injured it. It is probably broken, but you will not pity him until he admits your value.

"Enough of that!”

“Enough of what?”

“What have I done to deserve your hatred, Indra? Why can’t you even look at my face when it’s your damn duty?”

“…[Y/N]… no… I don’t hate you.”

“Don’t fill your mouth with lies that you won’t be able to keep later, because I assume that if I leave now, everything will be the same when you return to the village.”

"Stop talking to me like that! Have you forgotten that I am your superior?”

"Until you deign to put your conflict with me into words, I will not see you as one! You may accuse me to your Father if you wish, but it will not change my resolve!”

The first drops of rain fell from the sky, weeping at the conflict between the two old friends.

“…I…I can’t [Y/N]…just drop it.”

“Fight with me Indra.”

“What?”

“ FIGHT ME!” At your battle cry and in the rain now present, you shortened the distance between you and the Ōtsutsuki, going towards him at full speed. Wielding a kunai in your skillful hand, you decided not to leave him any room for doubt.

Indra was forced to quickly evade your attack by jumping to the nearest tree branch. You mercilessly followed him, initiating your own pursuit of enemies.

“WHAT’S WRONG, INDRA?! STOP SHOWING ME YOUR ASS, I DIDN’T MEAN TO FIND OUT THAT YOU LIKE SUCH THINGS! FIGHT ME YOU COWARD.”

“STOP THIS NOW [Y/N] YOU STUPID IDIOT”

“OH, I TOUCHED A SORE SPOT? WHO IS THE LUCKY MAN INDRA-SAMA! WHEN IS THE WEDDING INDRA-SAMA!”

“I’M GOING TO FUCK YOU UNTIL YOUR LITTLE BRAIN IS FRIED, YOU FUCKING WOMAN.”

There, the moment of distraction that Indra needed to turn the game around. He disappeared in front of your eyes while you were still chasing, to appear behind you and kick your lower back. You flew from the height of the tree you were standing on and landed with your stomach on the wet grass of the forest.

You turned on your back trying to regain your battle stance in order to meet Indra, who was standing over you with each foot at the side of your body. With his ankles, he squeezed the sides of your waist to prevent you from moving from the ground. When you tried to get up, pushing your torso up to hit his legs, or hopefully his groin, your Sensei fell on top of you. Straddling your body to prevent you from escaping, he held your wrists over your head so you couldn’t hit him.

The rain fell violently on your face, and the man lined up his head with yours to keep the water out of your eyes. With an angry grunt at the disadvantageous position you were in, you heard him speak.

“Stop it, right now.”

“NO!”

“[Y/N] IT’S AN ORDER”

His tone had suddenly changed. His intimidating red eyes were stuck inside yours, a frightening sensation you had forgotten. Those orbs have an unknown power, and being so close to them was overwhelming. Something you haven’t experienced since you were a child. In the face of the situation, your courage momentarily abandoned its cause, and pursuing your goal became more complicated under that commanding figure.

“…Indra… talk to me…”

“What do you want me to say…”

“An explanation wouldn’t be bad."

The only noise that filled the silence between the two of you was that of the drops on to nature. The man seemed to be looking for words to start a new sentence, and you decided not to push or play with your luck.

"What do you want me to say [Y/N]… That I had to stay away from you because your presence took me away from my responsibilities? That I cannot have you as my student because I would not bear the thought of seeing you fight for your life in a war? That I cannot look into your eyes because I get lost inside you? Or that having you under me right now, with wet clothes sticking to your body outline, is making it hard for me to think…”

"Ind-dra-a…”

In response to his statement, the Ōtsutsuki leaned over you even more, almost joining his forehead with yours for a few centriments. Breaths brushing against each other, the man slid his hands from your wrists to your ribs, caressing the inside of your arms and the side of your body, as well as the mound of your breasts on the fabric of your clothes.

“Say my name correctly.”

“…Indra-Sama…”

“You know how hard it takes me not to assault your mouth every time you utter those words in public. Repeat it.”

“Indra-Sama…”

His hands went through your stomach, feeling the rain water accumulated on your body. Taking his time, he slowly brushed your breasts, without paying much attention, and placed one hand on your neck, while the other pressed against your cheek.

He exerted a little pressure, while his thumb massaged your lower lip, gently caressing you in an affectionate manner. Poking his finger into your cavity, he commanded:

“Bite [Y/N]"

Without hesitation you obeyed. At the sensation of your teeth, a grunt escaped the man’s lips, and more pressure was deposited in your throat. The gesture did not go unnoticed by your attention, and a hot tickle attacked your belly under Indra’s weight.  With your hands now free, you lifted one, and tangled it in the soaked mane of the Ōtsutsuki above you. You pulled his hair a little, forcing him to lean back slightly.

"Are you trying to play dirty? What a bad apprentice… maybe it’s time for a punishment.”

In a surprise move, he took possession of your body and your movements. He laid you back on your stomach, and opening your legs with his knees, joined your groins. Despite the barrier that existed thanks to the wet clothes you both wore; you could feel something definitely hard in contact with the source of your heat.

With one hand he held your head to the ground and with the other he painfully grabbed your waist. He brought his mouth close to your ear and whispered erotically, while an intimate massage was given to your womanhood with his dressed limb.

"Moan for me [Y/N], I want to hear you.”

Again, you did not hesitate to follow his orders. The moans were trapped in your throat from before thanks to his stimuli in any form. When the sound reached Indra, everything escalated quickly.

This was not the end you had in mind for your ambush of Indra, but you had no reason to oppose the results you had achieved.

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

Kaoru at  Joe Yokomizo Channel 10th Dec Translation/Notes

Joe Yokomizo Channel Special program

Guest: Kaoru (Dir en grey)

Notes before reading: This is a translation/summary of the livestream on Joe’s Niconico channel with Kaoru as a guest last 10th December. I wanted to do a full translation of it, but I messed up some of my files and the program isn’t available anymore so, in the end, I could just transcript the first 30-40 min of the program approx. and some bits. Besides that, I included some interesting parts from the notes I took.

Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts. Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS are appreciated :)

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Joe:  Hello everyone, welcome to Joe Yokomizo’s channel live program in Niconico, I’m the MC, Joe. Thank you for watching! (Joe makes a brief description of how the program is going to be structured and encourages people to write comments during it!) Joe: Let’s introduce our guest for tonight…. Tonight’s guest is…. should I introduce him? Tonight’s guest is…. this person here! Kaoru: Hello, I’m Dir en grey’s guitarist Kaoru. Joe: Thank you for being here! Kaoru: Thank you! Joe: Are you feeling shy?  Being just the two of us…makes you feel shy? Kaoru: No, not at all. Joe: That’s good. Some people may have realized and other may didn’t but…. the clothes we are wearing…. (Joe and Kaoru open their jackets a bit to fully shown the Tokyo Sports’ hoodie) Kaoru: It’s Tokyo Sports’ (hoodie)… Joe says he didn’t know if Kaoru would be wearing the hoodie or not, so it’s good he brought his hoodie so they both can wear it. Joe: It was a good that I brought mine….

Kaoru: (You brought it) Just in case…. Joe: Have you being wearing it?

Kaoru: Today it’s the first time….

Joe: I have been wearing it even at my house…. Kaoru: Ah, I wore it at the program (The Freedom of Expression) for a picture we took after recording…. Joe asks for comments or questions for Kaoru at the chat. Then, He asks Kaoru about how he is doing if something has changed or not…. Kaoru says he is doing as always, making songs as usual. Joe cuts him reading a comment about the beer (you can see one beer on their table, Kaoru’s beer is behind the tablet they have on the table). Joe: Beer…. the staff brought us beer before …. Let’s drink…. let’s drink our beers…. we are going be chatting for two hours more or less. They open their can and toast. Joe: This year due to Corona as we couldn’t go somewhere and eat something, at least we can toast with everyone, if you have a beer or a drink, please toast with us….. Kaoru: Yes…. Joe: So, what could we talk about now? Ah…. what did you do today? Kaoru: Today.....well….I was recording in the morning….so it was really busy …. Joe: Really busy…. what time do you get up usually in the morning? Kaoru: About 10/ 10:30…. Joe: Is that so? Sometimes, we chat through Line at 2 am in the morning….do you like doing that at that time? Kaoru: That’s possible (laughs) It’s feels rather calm at that time…. Joe: Is that so? I feel the same. Doing that before going to sleep…. sending emails and so, thinking about this or that...…..so, you said you were recording today… Kaoru: Yes. Joe: What were you recording? Kaoru: Ah, for Zaza (TheTheyday, Kaoru’s blog) Joe: Ah for Zaza, you were recording for Zaza….so I guess one day it will be uploaded there…. Today, I’m here drinking and chatting with Kaoru, spending some time with you all, so your comments are welcome……As we talked about UFOs before, should we do a survey? Like we could ask everyone if they think UFOs exists or not in a survey…. maybe we could ask them if they have seen a UFO or not. Kaoru: That’s it…. Joe: We are going to do a survey about if you guys have seen a UFO or not….is it ok for the staff, to do one?....Ah, ok, it’s going to take a bit….meanwhile….have you ever seen a UFO, Kaoru? Kaoru: There was something (I saw) that looked like one…. Joe: You had?  When was it? Kaoru: When was it?.....I was overseas at the time I saw it… (People in the comments point out he told this story before and it seems that it happened in China, when they were touring there for the first time?) Joe: Overseas? Ehhhhh! It wasn’t in Japan… Kaoru: It was Toshiya who spotted it…. a stranger thing that was moving around at the sky….*Kaoru reproduces the movement of the thing with his finger* Joe: Something that was moving… Kaoru: So, I looked up and saw it……I don’t know what it was…. Joe: So clearly, it wasn’t something like a plane or so…. Kaoru: No, because of the way it was moving….. Joe: So, it clearly wasn’t something that you recognize… something like that… Kaoru: It was at night…. Joe: So, it wasn’t a living thing…. More like physical object moving for sure…. Kaoru: I think so… Joe: I see….a UFO spotted by Toshiya (laughs)…. Kaoru: There were more people there…. Joe: It wasn’t jus the two of you….. but talking about Tokyo sports, Tasai appears at your YouTube channel, right? He is at the program with us…..usually Tokyo sports covers stories about UFOs, Kappas(Japanese folklore creature)…. What else....that kind of things…. Kaoru: Fantasy stuff, right? Joe: That’s it, they usually cover that kind of fantasy things…..Do you read Tokyo Sports? Kaoru: Sometimes…. when there is something that I’m interested in….but in the past…..I would always read it… Joe: What did you like to read? Kaoru: Those kinds of things (fantasy stuff)….. They both laugh. Joe starts reading comments. Joe: The comments……”I just joined the livestream”…..ohhh welcome!, we are having a drink while chatting so, if you who are watching us want to drink with us, please join us!.....about the survey….can we go….? *Joe looks at the staff waiting for indications*......oh can we?....so, we want to take a survey about if you have seen an UFO or not….*Joe looks at the comments*….”I’m getting ready to drink”….everyone, if you want to watch the full program and the contents, you have to subscribe to the channel….you can still do it so please….also you can send us gifts (a function in Niconico, similar to Youtube)…..let’s check the comments…..Kaoru please…. Kaoru: I feel like reading comments…. there are a few… Joe: Everyone, write more comments! For Kaoru…..*Joe starts reading some comments* “I just subscribed” ohhh thank you…..”Kaoru, you are so handsome!”….”I haven’t seen a UFO or a ghost”…. Kaoru: A ghost…. I haven’t seen any…. Joe: You haven’t? I haven’t seen any ghost either but I experienced sleep paralysis once ….when I was in middle school….at home we had a prefabricated shed at the garden, I lived there ….so when I was at that shed, the door suddenly opened, a person came in and jumped over me…..grabbed me by my neck….it was a woman….I got scared but my body didn’t move…..I was internally screaming for help….”help me, help me”…. It was like that for like 10 min or at least that how I remember it….it felt like 10 min….then, I thought that she had killed me….but she was still there, she left, closed the door….I was like….what have just happened?..... Kaoru: Sleep paralysis? Joe: Sleep paralysis….I think that ghost was due to sleep paralysis….that girl that I remember….*Joe mumbles something* Sorry, just…..*he hands the tablet they have on the table to the staff, Joe is offscreen, leaving Kaoru alone for a few seconds* It’s hot here *Joe I mumbling something to the staff offscreen and then comes back taking his jacket off* Kaoru: I’m thinking about this…. the ability to sense supernatural things….I don’t think I have it…. Joe: You don’t? Kaoru: But maybe I talked about this before but, in the past, something weird happened when we were doing a shooting a clip overseas…. Joe: Something strange happened… Kaoru talks about an episode of after recording, when he got into the room, he felt as if his head was spinning in a weird way?.

Joe: Ah, the survey is ready….so, everyone, have you ever seen a UFO? Today we both are wearing the original Tokyo Sports’ hoodie…..it’s an original hoodie by Tokyo Sports in collaboration with Don quijote… Kaoru: That’s it… Joe: That’s why we both are wearing it right now…..asking you all if you have ever seen a UFO or not….we should do a research in the next The Freedom of Expression along with that Tokyo Sports person (Tasai)… Kaoru: Is he watching us? Tasai…. Joe: Ah, Tasai….I wonder if he is watching us….let’s go with the survey…..*The options for the survey appear on screen* I think he is watching us but I don’t know for sure…. People started to write “Tasaiiii Tasaiii” at the comments Kaoru: I talked to him (by phone) a while ago… Joe: Oh you did? It’s being a while since I saw him so I want to meet him soon….so, have you ever seen an UFO? We are asking this while wearing the Tokyo Sports’ UFO hoodie…..what results do you think we are going to get, Kaoru? Kaoru: I think the “No” is going to have a huge percentage…. Joe: As expected… Kaoru: Like a 70%(no)-30%(yes) Joe: Between having seen one or not, I would say “no” is going to be the most voted answer….Hiranabe…..*Joe is reading comments* He couldn’t come today….so, Kaoru’s prediction was a 30% for people who have seen a UFO and 70% for the opposite…so, let’s see it in one,two, three… *(Hiranabe used to appear in The Freedom of Expression when it was a radio program)* *The options on screen disappear and suddenly they are back with a 100% for yes, 0% for no* Joe: A 100% for yes? Ah, it seems that there was some mistake…..let’s do it again…I got scared with the results…..is everyone a fan of Tokyo Sports?....*Kaoru laughs* Have you seen a UFO or not? Kaoru saw one once when he was at overseas…. Kaoru: That’s true… Joe: Spotted by Toshiya…. why was Toshiya looking at it… Kaoru: I have no idea…. Joe: I wonder why…..the survey is again at the screen…..I’m sorry that it didn’t work before but now you can vote again…..let’s see the results…..*the results don’t appear* Ok…..OK?.....*the results appear, 23% yes, 77%no* Ohhhh…. Kaoru: That’s it…a big percentage… Joe: But a 23% of the voters have seen one….that’s good for Tokyo Sports…..that’s their target market…. Kaoru: But surely among the people who haven’t seen one, there are people who are interested in them…. Joe: That’s true, that’s true…. Kaoru: Maybe they are interested in them… Joe: By the way, I want that 23% of people who voted that say they saw a UFO, tell us where did they see it….so we can, with The Freedom of Expression, go there to check…. Kaoru: Yeah but, we can go there but having to wait for it, that’s  bad…. Joe: That’s right, there is a chance that the three of us come there and nothing appears…. Oh, someone said they saw it at Chiba…..”I saw one once I was walking back from work”…..Oh,where is your workplace?....”I saw one in Miyagi”…..Miyagi….In Okinawa, Shinga….there is no one that has seen one in Tokyo?....if there is someone that has seen one in Tokyo, the two of us can go….”At Sapporo when I was going from the airport to the hotel because I was attending a Dir concert there”……”At Saitama”…..ehhhh….Saitama…where? please give us more details….there are a lot of people that saw one, but not on Tokyo…. Kaoru: There aren’t….. Joe: “Sendai”…..”Kagoshima”…..please if you have seen one, please us at the comments….So, let’s change the topic to music….this year….due to Corona, a lot of plans had to be cancelled….*Kaoru nods* Kaoru: That’s right… Joe: As expected….we are going to put on screen Dir’s schedule of this year….you will see it on screen….*Dir’s events from this year appear on screen*….In January/February, Corona wasn’t still around, it was before Corona became big…..you had an overseas tour…. Kaoru:Yes Joe: Which countries did you visit? Kaoru: Countries?  Well, it was in Europe…it was about 10 days…. Joe: At that time, I heard from a interview you did that you said it but…..masks were still strange/weird at that time even at airports…. Kaoru: Yes, no one was wearing masks…. Joe: No masks at Europe at that time….but, how were the lives?, thinking about it now….it was a live with audience….and since that time…. Kaoru: It was the last one…. Joe: That’s it….how was it for you?.... Kaoru: They were good…. Joe: Berlin’s live was really good….that country especially…. Kaoru: The previous tour to this one (2018), we did a tour with lots of troubles at the lives….like the songs would have to be stopped in the middle of it and we couldn’t finish them properly….so, what we wanted to play or express at that time, couldn’t be done….so this time we did it with the feeling of revenge…we wanted that this feeling reached the people who came to see us ….so this time it was good… *Joe’s mic seems to not be working properly* Joe: So, you guys played at London one more time…. Kaoru: Yes. Joe: So, you guys could complete your revenge there this time….so, is there any episode or something interesting that happened overseas? If there is any, this time at Europe…. Kaoru: Something interesting? Joe: Like when you were drinking or so…I want to hear it…. Kaoru: Mmm…..is there any?.....mmmm…. Joe: You don’t remember? Kaoru: I remember but something that was interesting…..mmm….I don’t know if it is interesting or not….but sometimes the staff of the venue we are playing in takes a pic when it’s the rehearsal or so and upload it to the Instagram of that venue…. Joe: Yes, yes…. Kaoru: So, when I’m checking my Instagram, the pic appears and I see it….so, when I saw it…..Toshiya is in the picture!....*Joe laughs*….I was like “Eh??” when I saw it, “Is he aware of that?”…that he is in the picture…so, we got them to deleted it and then, we were in the rehearsal again, and thought  isn’t it careless?.....didn’t they know he was part of the band?....like, they saw him rehearsing…. did they think he was part of the Japanese staff?.... Joe: They didn’t know that! Kaoru: They didn’t…. Joe: It’s really careless…that episode….is there any episode with Takabayashi?... Kaoru: With him?....what could it be?.... Kaoru says something they did to him? But I can get it. Joe gets shocked and asks if it’s ok to tell it, but Kaoru said it was 10 years ago, when he was a roadie. Kaoru explains he became a manager before Inoeu left. Joe: “Is Fujieda ok?” *Joe reads a comment* Kaoru: He is fine…..*Joe points at where Fujieda is, behind cameras*…. The talk about the European tour is over, and they show again the Dir’s schedule of this year on screen. Joe: Next is something all of you saw…..in March?.....yes, it was the 27th of March….a livestream of a concert….a concert without audience….what do you think about it now? Kaoru: It’s something we wouldn’t have done if it wasn’t for these circumstances….we never have done it and we wanted to try….but due to these circumstances, it became part of our memories, part of the history of Dir en grey….we felt that way… Joe’s mic has fallen but he didn’t realize it, so his voice sounds so low and far away. He asks Kaoru about the reasons to do a livestream, Kaoru answers again that due to the circumstances. He says that looking at a screen while playing is tiresome even if he knew that there were people watching it, also he was nervous about it but not as nervous as when they played live cause its not the same.  They (dir) want to think about interesting things they can do during these times, but not being able to do lives as they want, and create the atmosphere they want,  it’s what make them not playing lives. Joe: So, in other words,  when it comes to expression,as long as you can’t create the world of Dir en grey, you don’t want to play lives. A part of me, misses that sound and emotion but also knowing it can’t be done in its complete form… Kaoru: But we keep thinking about things we can do in these circumstances…. Joe realizes his mic has fallen, finally. Joe: Oh, my mic has fallen…..*puts it again properly* Can you hear me now?, the staff just told me…..well…..Tasai….are you watching us?.... Kaoru: He is! Joe: Yes, is there something you want to tell him? *laughs* Kaoru: Are you working out? Joe:  Do you work out? Kaoru: I don’t… Joe: I did after a long time….I didn’t for two weeks….I didn’t train with my personal trainer for two weeks and today….he told me today to do some exercises that…..*grabs his backs and then his chest*….”Tasai, Tasai” *Joe reads the comments* Tasai is really popular….

Kaoru: The opposite of you…. Joe: That’s true….He is for sure the most popular….because everyone is typing “Tasai, Tasai”….if you have any question for Tasai….but how can I ask him?, I can message him through Line…. Joe says, then, they are going to talk about the digital release of the single. ------ People started asking in the comments if “Yamo-chan” is watching the livestream. After many comments like that, Joe looks confused and asks, “who is Yamo-chan?”, making Kaoru laugh. He explains that “Yamo-chan” is Shinya and that they started calling Shinya like that in a previous band. Kaoru adds Shinya usually watches everything so that’s why ppl are commenting that. They talk about Shinya more, mentioning the fax story Kaoru told in the livestream of May. Joe remembers that Shinya is really into board games, and suggests that they could do a board game special or something like that. People start writing in the comments that they should do it with Shinya, and others, that they should do it with “the whole band”. Joe says it would be complicated to do it with the 5 members. D.T.S appears in a comment and people starts commenting “D.T.S” “Do it with D.T.S”. Joe looks again confused and ask who is “D.T.S”. Kaoru explains that it’s Die, Toshiya and Shinya and it was something they did for the fanclub magazine.  Some people start commenting D.T.S.K, adding Kaoru’s to the name lol  ----- Joe and Kaoru start talking about “The Freedom of Expression”.  They do a survey asking if the people watching the live stream watch it/have ever watched it. Kaoru says he thinks that “a 80% is going to say no”. The results are really good, more than 90% (I think it was 96%?) say that they watch it. Later, they do another survey asking if they are subscribed to the channel or not. There are 3 options; “Yes” “No” and “No, but I’m going to subscribe right now”.  Results are again quite good, about a 85% say they are subscribed, “no” gets around almost a 9% and  “no, but I’m going to subscribe right now” gets almost a 6%. Joe asks Kaoru to say some encouraging words to that people who said “no”, so they finally subscribe. Kaoru just say in a plain voice, “subscribe to the channel”, making Joe laugh. ------ Joe talks about the Kaoru interview he did for his site, “Kimi ni tou”. He says he realized how international Dir en grey was a band, cause it’s the interview on the site with more visits from overseas and the English version is the most visited on the site. The interview is also in Chinese, and of course, in Japanese, but he was really surprised of how many people read the English version as well ---- At some point, Joe leaves for the toilet, leaving Kaoru alone. Kaoru is just staring at the screen reading comments and mumbling some answers. Someone ask him to show his hands, or ask him about his haircut, very random stuff. He looks kind of awkward , like not knowing what to do. He is also watching when Joe is about to come back, and when you can hear Joe’s footsteps: Kaoru: So, that was my Top 5, yeeeeeehhh *and starts clapping, the staff joins him clapping as well* Joe: No, no…..you are lying….you are lying….*Joe is still not on screen* You didn’t do it now, I’m sure…. Kaoru: I just did it…..look at the comments…. Joe: What are they writing?.....*Joe starts reading the comments* Is that so?....I couldn’t hear it….People clapping at the comments….it can’t be….*Joe points at some comment saying “evil”* See? You didn’t do it…. Kaoru: They are talking about you…. Joe: Me?.....* he mumbles a bit and keeps reading comments*….”What an amazing Top 5”….Really???.... Kaoru: See? Joe: “Amazing songs”….is that so?....what does that mean?....*Kaoru laughs*….”Amazing”….”I expected these songs”….Did you really tell them?.... Kaoru: I told you (I did). Joe: ”I’m sorry for you, Joe”…. Am I the only one who didn’t hear them?.....”Only great songs”….”great choice”…..Could he really tell them in such a short time?....*Joe looks at the staff looking for a confirmation* He did? the staff just nodded….  ----- After Kaoru played this prank on Joe about revealing his TOP 5, now it’s his turn to go to the toilet, leaving a drunk Joe alone. Joe: Everyone, before he gets back, let’s write “sing Rokkouoroshi” (Hashin tiger’s song, Kaoru favourite baseball team)….everyone say “sing Rokkouorsohi” for me, please….I couldn’t hear it….at Tora no Ana (Kaoru’s event for his birthday)…I told him to sing it…but he didn’t….so today….using everyone’s power…..using the power of alcohol….let’s write “rokkouroshii”….this year, it seems that Haishin tigers are not doing well, also there are no events to sing it but….let’s write rokkouoroshi!!!....”Joe, you are the best”…..don’t say those things at me….this is our power….*Joe looks at the staff* I received a question at line…thank you for it….thank you everyone for sending questions to my Line….ohh someone sent a gift *a function in niconico*…..Let’s make him sing it!!!:….let’s make this wish….if he receives this request from you all…..he is about to come back so let’s make this wish…rokkouoroshiii…rokkouroshiii…..ROKKOUOROSHIIII……why did I scream?....let’s do it together…*Joe realizes Kaoru has prob heard him, so he whispering encourages everyone to write the request* Ok, let’s go….*Kaoru is still not in screen but he is coming back* Well, let’s see what do you want to ask Kaoru….your requests…I just asked everyone what they want Kaoru to do….let’s see…..Oh oh oh!....what is that?.....Everyone wants you to do that….they are writing “rokkouoroshi”!!!!! Kaoru, they are writing “rokkouoroshi”!! Kaoru: Because you told them…. Joe: I didn’t! Oh! This is amazing! Check! Everyone is saying it… .Kaoru: Because of you….it’s not the first time… Joe: Me?....oh….Beer…..*Joe holds Kaoru’s beer and checks it’s empty* He doesn’t have a beer….please bring one!!! Kaoru: This is not the first time (you tried this)…. Joe: No,no no….let’s sing Rokkouoroshi… Kaoru: Should I tell them my Top 5? Do you want to hear it?       Joe: I don’t want to hear your Top 5....Rokkouoroshi…Rokkouoroshi…. *The staff brings Kaoru a beer* Joe: This year the Hashin tigers didn’t do well so that’s why you didn’t sing it but….next year?.... Kaoru: Next year….let’s sing it next year…. Joe: Next year….is that a promise?.... *They are about to toast, but Kaoru stops* Kaoru: If they win the competition….that’s what I told you at that time…. Joe: I see, so if next year, Hashin tigers win the competition, you are going to sing the full song… Kaoru: *makes a face *The full song? That’s imposible….*he turns to the other side* Joe: Well, well….wait wait….don’t turn your back to me….if they win the competition….sing just one phrase…. Kaoru: No, that’s imposible… Joe: Wait wait… Kaoru: I’m not going to sing it…. Joe: If they win the competition, just one phrase… Kaoru: I’m not going to sing it… Joe: Let’s toooooasttt…….*like toseal the deal lol* Kaoru: I’m not going to toast…..*turns his back on Joe* Joe: Just wait a bit… Kaoru: I don’t sing…. Joe: Then, what can we do?....let’s dance to Rokkouoroshi… .Kaoru: I’m not going to do that…. Joe: *with a pitiful voice* but they are asking for “Rokkouoroshi”…..*pouts* Kaoru: I’m not going to do it…. Joe puts a sad face like a small child and start making noises of complaint as if he was having a tamtrum…. Joe: But you have to do it!....somehow….in some way….next year, if they win the competition….let’s do it… Kaoru: Maybe we could do an event and gather with everyone…. Joe: *reading a comment* “Play it with the guitar”….. Kaoru: Playing it with the guitar is really tiresome…. *Joe is drinking his beer and almost spills it due to the laugh* Joe: Right now…..*reads a comment* everyone is with me, saying “ganbatte Joe!”…. “kaoru is so cute”….”in an event…”, that’s it, let’s do it at an event….next year, if it’s possible… Kaoru starts to mumble in a low voice. Joe makes gestures of dancing. He keeps trying to get a commitment from Kaoru to do it but Kaoru doesn’t accept. Joe: I’m sorry everyone, the negotiations failed.  ------ After the pranks and teasing, Joe says it’s about time for Kaoru to reveal his Top 5 songs of 2020 according to Spotify. 5. X-Japan “Without You” (Unplugged) Kaoru says he has been listening to it recently and mentions that this song is part of the soundtrack of the documentary of X japan. Joe talks about Hide, and how important was his existence to Kaoru’s life. Kaoru mentions the first concert of them he went. Joe asks Kaoru what he thinks that Hide would think of him if he was alive. Kaoru doesn’t seem to want to give a proper answer and says he doesn’t know. Joe says he thinks Hide would be like “you are cute” and happy/ proud of him.  Kaoru talks about when he met Hide at a restaurant (ikinari steak?) while he was eating with his manager. He talked about this in his book “Dokugen”. People starts commenting “that story is so sad”, “I read it at Dokugen”. Finally, Joe asks Kaoru what he would say to Hide if he was alive, Kaoru just says that he is not a person that it’s good at making conversation so probably nothing. 4. Merry “Fukurou (梟) Next song is from Merry. Kaoru says he heard it live and he liked it. Joe asks the name but Kaoru doesn’t know how to read the kanji and he struggles for while. He shows it to Joe but he doesn’t know either. Kaoru tries to describe it, but someone for the staff comes and tells him the title. After the description of the kanji, people were already commenting “it’s Fukurou!” and Joe reads it.  Kaoru says the name of the song and apologizes for not knowing how to read it. Kaoru: I’m sorry I didn’t know the reading (of the kanji)  3. Dir en grey “Downfall” Third position comes for a Dir en grey song, which surprises Joe. Kaoru says he usually listens to their songs to remember some parts/riffs. Joe says that having so many songs must be hard to remember all of them and ask Kaoru if he does (remember all of them). Kaoru answers he obviously knows the songs but not every part.  2. Dir en grey “Rinkaku” Kaoru says he was rehearsing this song and when he was about to play it, he realized he had forgotten most of it, so he had to listen to it several times and copy it to remember.  1. Dir en grey “Sustain the Untruth ”Before announcing #1, Joe asks the viewers which song we think is it. Kaoru kind of teases about it, not saying it waiting to someone to guess it right. Most people think is going to be “The World of Mercy”, as Kaoru says he listens to the songs to practice. Joe: Why does everybody think it’s “The world of mercy?” Other comments say “Ochita no koto ga aru sora” Joe: But you haven’t played that song live yet, right? Someone in the comments gets it right. Kaoru: Yes, it’s “Sustain the Untruth” ---- One of the last things they talk about, it’s a “unexpected”/” surprising” picture that Kaoru has in his phone. In the end, it’s a picture of the Mike Tyson energetic drink “Black”, with his face and the line “Empower yourself”.   And that’s all ;)

[eternally6pm]

To Distraction

Rating: T

Characters: Jakob, FCorrin, vague mention of various occupants of the Northern Fortress, Corrin’s Nohrian siblings.

- almost to a state of madness -

A/N: These are two old reposts mashed together. In a stroke of serendipity on my old blog, I had received two four-word prompts that happened to inspire two scenes with some sort of continuity. This takes place pre-Fates, with a number of assumptions: that Corrin and Jakob arrived in their adolescence having already developed strong feelings for one another; that Jakob, being the older of the two and a pessimistic sort of young man, wanted to do the practical thing and attempted to distract himself from the horrifying realisation that he was falling in love with his master - and that this failed miserably.

One of my favourite things about master-servant relationships is that even when there are hard lines and clear expectations, on closer inspection, you can never be sure who really holds power over the other.

---

Felicia could not find any clean hose. Knowing that the maid had not only a tendency to misplace but to also overlook things, Corrin joined her in her search and was very soon just as perplexed – not a single pair could be found.

As Felicia excused herself and ran off to find her sister, Corrin sat uncomfortably before her mirror, still laced in the leathers that she had worn to combat training that afternoon. She judged herself to look somewhat foolish, her tightly braided hair in disarray, her jerkin having ridden up so that the edge sat too high, the thick, stiff leather digging into the flesh of her stomach as she tried to sit on her chair.

She was going to have to ask for a new one. Her current jerkin just didn’t fit over her hips anymore, and the space in the chest was too small. There was pain in her back when she tried to stretch upwards, and if pushed a little too hard, she found it difficult to draw breath.

Gunter had been dissatisfied with her progress today, having knocked her onto her back several times without much exertion. Her left wrist smarted when she tried to flex it and she realised that she must have landed too heavily upon it while trying to soften her fall in a clumsy attempt to spare her sore backside from additional bruises to the ones that had already darkened there.

Corrin sighed, shifting slightly in her seat as she saved all these thoughts for later, when she saw Jakob. He was a soothing thought, a welcome presence who always came after Flora and Felica left, bearing a tray with her dinner and a gentle smile. At her request, he would stay to lend a patient ear to her complaints, and she always felt slightly guilty, keeping him from his duties, but never guilty enough to deny herself the part of the evening she looked forward to most.

Come to think of it…

Jakob would know. He knew where everything was.

With a wince, Corrin planted her hands on the seat and heaved herself from the chair, her already stiff muscles protesting the movement. Reaching for the bell, she rang for assistance.

It was not uncommon for her summons to go unanswered. There were few servants at the Northern Fortress, and often, they were distracted by either Felicia setting fire to something, or were simply occupied with something else.

Corrin waited only long enough to work her gauntlets and wrist guards loose and shed them where she stood before dipping her hands into a basin of (cold, goodness, Felicia,) water to wash the grime from her fingers. Drying her hands on a soft cloth, she left her room.

The Northern Fortress sat on the border of what was historically, heavily contested land. As a result, the fortress was structured as simply that – austere, heavily fortified barracks for housing soldiers in preparation for war. Now that the borders of Nohr stretched far beyond this point, it had been repurposed as Corrin’s home – though it often felt more like a prison than a home.

Fortunately, the nature of the Northern Fortress meant that servants were given the unusual benefit of being granted individual rooms, and the privacy was a privilege so great, not a soul cared to complain of the size of their quarters.

Corrin knew where Jakob slept. It was a piece of knowledge that she guarded jealously because she knew that Gunter would take a riding crop to Jakob’s wrists and shoulders if he ever found out that the princess was visiting his chambers in the dead of the night to trade books and whispered conversations when she couldn’t sleep.

Lately, Jakob had been more reluctant to open his door to her – he spoke constantly of propriety and what was appropriate, and Corrin, well-read and suitably informed by her sister, had more than just a vague notion of what it all meant. However, she also knew for certain that she didn’t like being told that she wasn’t allowed to spend time with him, especially now, when she realised suddenly that she would rather be around no one else.

She found that she liked to watch him whenever she could, studying his profile when he focused on work or catching a glimpse of him when he sparred with the other boys. Not that she could really call Jakob a boy anymore… she couldn’t remember when things had started to change, but now when he spoke, his voice was deeper, a low, wonderful sound that sank like hot liquid into the depths of her chest, and he had put on a lot of height, towering head and shoulders over her in a way that made her want to crawl into his lap and steal the warmth from his skin.

Thinking about him made her feel sick with delight.

Even now, as she approached his room, her stomach flipped like she was falling, and she had to inhale deeply to slow the rapid pulse of her heart. She was irrationally nervous. All she had to do was ask if –

“Oh!”

Corrin’s shoulder was knocked backward, unprepared for the sudden contact, and an arm reached out to steady her, a maid who immediately gasped in recognition and released her hold, dropping into a deep curtsy.

“Princess! A thousand apologies, Your Highness!”

Corrin waved a hand in dismissal. “It’s quite all right. My attention was elsewhere.”

“As was mine, milady. Forgive me for being inexcusably clumsy.”

“Think nothing of it. There is nothing to forgive.”

The maid lifted her gaze, smiling and Corrin could not help but notice that she was remarkably pretty, with blonde hair and eyes the colour of the sky on a fine day. She folded her hands neatly upon the front of her apron and politely inclined her head. “Can I be of assistance, my lady? Do you seek Flora?”

“Jakob, actually.”

“Oh.” At this, the maid directed her eyes downward again, and seemed to hesitate, the tips of her fingers worrying the edge of her skirt. “He is in his room, Your Highness. Though I believe him to be presently occupied.”

The sensation of falling returned, but this time, Corrin felt dread clench about her gut.

“Th-thank you…”

“Clara, Your Highness,” she curtsied again, colour rising into her cheeks and Corrin felt suddenly ill, nauseous as the maid’s words seeped into her skin, crawled into her pores with little thin legs to wriggle and bite.

“Thank you, Clara.”

She curtsied once more, but Corrin had already turned to continue her path, her steps quickened by fear or anger – she could not tell which.

She found his door ajar, and in her urgency, forgot to knock, pushing it open and letting herself in as his name left her mouth in a bark.

“Jakob!”

Dismay struck her square in the chest like a blow from Gunter’s shield, and she was winded, her heart still and all sound stifled as she watched him turn in shock to face her, his hands grasping at his half-open shirt for decency as he stammered unfinished words and excuses.

“Lady Corrin! I am not – I didn’t hear –“

She couldn’t breathe.

She couldn’t speak.

“Apologies, milady, if you could spare me a moment, I could – “

The air smelt stale, acrid with the scent of something unseen, warm like the heat of two bodies.

I believe him to be presently occupied.

Her chest heaved against her inanely ill-fitting leathers and swallowing the bile that sat at the back of her tongue, she willed her lips to smile through the pain of her heart cleaving in two.

“Do not concern yourself, Jakob, it is only me.”

A burden, a chore.

“I came to ask you something.”

It was a tone Camilla had made her practice, repeat so often that it came with only slight effort.

Still his fingers fumbled at the buttons and Corrin stared jealously at the smooth skin and taut muscle that he hid away – a sight for someone else.

But never for her.

“Felica cannot find any clean stockings. Are you able to assist?”

The question sounded foolish and trivial. In that moment, Corrin could not have cared any less if she caught her death walking barefoot through the halls of this damned fortress.

“She sent you to fetch me?” Irritation caused his brow to furrow. “Is she insane?”

“Felicia is not at fault, I came of my own accord.” And oh, how she regretted that decision.

“Nonsense,” he muttered, and Corrin hated the way she enjoyed watching him knot his cravat, neat and pleasantly high upon his neck.

Did he remove it himself, or did she help him?

Where did she touch him?

Do you love her?

The questions prickled on the tip of her tongue and frustration wrenched an empty substitute from her lips. “Who were you with?”

“J-just a friend, milady,” it was the same blush, the same downward glance.

Why did she have to be so beautiful?

All of a sudden it felt like her lungs were bloated with water, her throat tight. Corrin was drowning and she had to leave, lest she retched and spite was expelled from her mouth.

“I’m sorry I was a bother, Jakob. I’ll see if Flora can help.”

She did not care to hear what else he had to say, turning to leave, and wandered blindly, until she returned to her own rooms where she gave no replies to Felica and Flora’s concerned questioning.

She nodded numbly as Flora explained that her stockings had simply been moved, and there were plenty, so there was no need to fret.

Silently, she let the sisters undress her and climbed into the bath they had prepared, sinking beneath the surface where it was warm and she could not tell the scented water apart from the tears that she shed.

“Felicia. Please inform Jakob that I do not want dinner. He is not to disturb me tonight.”

She curtsied, but hesitated. “Milady, you must eat.”

Corrin pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms about her legs as if she could hold herself together through sheer force of will alone. “Please, Felicia.”

At length, she curtsied again. “Yes, Lady Corrin.”

In the silence, Corrin sat still, shut her eyes as Flora’s cool, slender fingers threaded through her hair and pressed firm strokes against her neck and scalp.

“My lady, do not punish yourself for the sorrow that others might inflict,” she advised quietly. “They are not deserving of your suffering.”

Corrin sighed. “Thank you, Flora.”

“If I can aid you in any way, milady, you have but to ask.”

For a long moment, Corrin considered being benevolent, gentle and forgiving, but she had not the strength, and it was too easy to speak the words without conscience, draw a line in the air across her throat and call for blood.

“The maid, Clara. Do you know her?”

“Yes, she works in the kitchen.”

“Her efforts are to be commended. I wish to recommend her for promotion.”

There was silence as Flora ceased her ministrations and reached for a pitcher. “An excellent suggestion, Lady Corrin. I shall put a good word through to Gunter.”

---

The motion was a small one, almost casual. Camilla laughed softly as the young Duke spoke of studding horses, her long fingers neatly grasping the edge of Corrin's glass and whisking it away from the server before he could attempt to pour more wine.

“Wait, sister –“

There was not a single word spoken in direct response, but Camilla smiled brightly, her eyes narrowing as she laid a hand firmly on the satin of Corrin’s skirts.

“I think I’ve heard quite enough about the size of a stallion’s member, don’t you?”

Corrin stared vacantly at the man beside her, almost surrendering to the urge to frown. “Yes. One might presume to expect too much.”

Laughter cut through the low chatter and Duke coloured indignantly.

He asked her afterward, his voice low as he bent to speak softly, unpleasantly close to her ear, if she would be so kind as to honour him with her company as he had never been to Castle Krakenburg before, and would very much like a tour of the grounds.

Corrin would have been more interested had she been shown the underside of a slug.

But she could hardly say as much, and simply gave him another empty smile, evading a touch to her shoulder like she would the glance of a blade and excusing herself to retire with the other ladies from the dining hall.

With absolutely no intention to stay, she bid Camilla and Elise a good night and left without a word to anyone else, not caring that they would whisper of her cold and graceless behaviour, unbefitting of a princess of Nohr.

Her fingers closed upon the neck of a tall, unattended pitcher of mulled wine, and with the same motion she had just learnt from her sister, took it gently away, her only companion as she thought miserably of Jakob and how he was probably somewhere else, seeking comfort in the arms of a friend he had made years ago at the Northern Fortress.

---

The first sign that something had gone awry was the sound of shattering glass.

Jakob jerked in shock in his seat, the needle slipping between his fingers and he quickly dropped the hem of the cotton blouse, mere moments before a bead of crimson formed and began to run.

He released his breath in a long, hissing exhale, pulled the thread taut with his teeth and slowly, silently, counted to ten. He got as far as six before the clomp of heeled shoes reached earshot.

She was getting better at anticipating disaster, even if she hadn’t a clue on how to avert it.

It was certainly dire, he realised, as the door swung open without so much as an attempt to knock, and she stumbled into his temporary quarters with the momentum of the movement.

“Where’s the fire, Felicia?” He asked dryly.

She shook her head. “No, Jakob – it’s Corrin – Lady Corrin. She’s had far too much to drink.”

He stood at once, sewing forgotten. “Where is she?”

Felicia was nothing if at the very least, quick when it came to requesting aid. She hurried back out the door with Jakob on her heels, passing through a short corridor that connected their much smaller rooms to the solar of the guest suite.

The princess was found standing in the centre of the darkened room, still and staring as though lost. In one hand she held a metal pitcher, which she mindlessly released, letting it clatter hollowly and roll over the remains of what appeared to be a broken crystal statue of a swan at her feet. There had been a function at the palace that evening and she was laced up in a gown of pale blue satin with a neckline that dipped in such a way that made Jakob forget for a moment how to breathe.

“I dropped it,” she explained, smiling, and Jakob barely managed to completely close the distance to catch her by the shoulders before she could reach down to pick up the shards with her bare hands.

He gestured to Felicia. “Take her to her room and put her to bed,” he instructed, already planning how he would clean the jagged glass they trod upon.

Felicia nodded and tried to reach for Corrin, but with a sharp, petulant whine of irritation, the princess swatted her away.

“Horrible! Unhand me. I won’t allow it.”

Felicia turned to look at Jakob, shaking her head helplessly. “I’ve tried already. She won’t listen to me.”

Honestly, if you wanted something done right…

“Come now, Lady Corrin,” he soothed, pressing a hand between the blades of her shoulders to gently propel her towards her room. Suddenly obedient, she took to his encouragement without any resistance and Jakob flicked a hand at the mess they left behind so that Felicia might take the cue to clean it before he returned.

However, Corrin had other ideas.

No sooner had Jakob eased the door shut, he felt her hand upon his back and alarmed, spun immediately to face her, stepping away.

“Ah,” she frowned, reaching for him again, and he barely managed to catch her by the wrists, forcing her back, trying to get her to stand straight, to not… tempt him with her bare shoulders and neck exposed by her dress. By the moonlight, he could see that her cheeks were flushed red, and there was the scent of fruit and spice on her lips as she spoke.

“You weren’t so shy before. Let me hold you.”

It was a cruel joke, he realised, much too late, standing alone with his mistress in her bedchamber as she swayed, intoxicated on her feet and mistook him for someone else.

“Lady Corrin, stop. It’s me. Jakob.”

“Good,” she giggled softly, and the sound wove like a net over his heart. “Come here, Jakob.”

“No,” he replied firmly. It was a reminder to them both that she was senselessly drunk and knew not what she spoke; an order to maintain his distance. He gripped her wrists tightly and tried to ignore the writhing anxiety that came with the guilt of knowing. Of wanting.

Gently, he attempted to guide her towards the bed, to have her seated in a bid to escape from this nightmarish trap of his own devising so that Felicia (the gods themselves never could have imagined the day he required her help!) might rescue him.

With a motion trained and too swift, Corrin turned and threw her arms about his shoulders, throwing her entire weight upon him. Unprepared, he stumbled and could only reach for her out of reflex as they both toppled upon the bed.

“Lady Corrin -!”

There was a flurry of motion, a delectable confusion of bare skin and satin as she giggled again, pressing herself close to him and in that moment, Jakob was powerless to fight, because being touched by Corrin felt like being burned by a fire he couldn’t contain, like being drawn by the weight of the moon and drowning, euphoric in the tides.

“Just a taste,” she sang softly, so warm and pliant in his arms.

He couldn’t.

How many times had he fantasised of such a scene? Of having her witless and willing, because nothing else would ever allow the suggestion of impropriety. However, now confronted with it, the reality was horrifying, both in the possibility of having his wicked desires realised and in the fact that he found it utterly reprehensible. He could never forgive himself for such a dire lapse in judgement, for dragging the reputation of the one person he held dearest down into the filth of rumours whispered behind the flicker of a fan, about princesses with no honour who deemed to take their own servants to bed.

What would have been the point in resisting, in dressing his affection in decorum and drowning his desire in another girl?

What would be the point of his duty if he couldn’t even protect her from himself?

“My lady, you must stop.” He gently took her arms and pushed her back, rising from the bed and shaking his head when she tried to reach for him again.

“Why?” She asked, her voice plaintive, and her expression crumpled with dismay. She sat up, gathering her long skirts in both her fists and folding her knees to her chest. “What did I do wrong? You don’t mind kissing other girls, but you… You don’t want me.”

Jakob felt his heart wrench as she pressed her hands to her face and started to weep.

Who had done this to her? What deplorable scum had abused her kindness and corrupted her joy?

Slowly, he knelt before her, waiting until she lowered her hands and looked at him, her breath ragged with sorrow, her face wet with tears.

“You are mistaken,” he told her.

Do I dare?

“You cannot possibly know -”

How much of this will she remember?

“- how much I want you -”

This… is a mistake.

“- to only be mine.”

Smile for me, Princess.

Her lips were soft, her face warm. He felt her hand grip the fabric of his waistcoat and she leaned against him, a small, sweet whimpering note hummed in her throat, pushed onto his tongue. He tasted wine in the heat between her parted lips, and it was enough to intoxicate him too.

He parted the kiss with a sigh, stood and stepped back, his heart a storm of fear and elation, pierced deep with guilt.

Jakob couldn’t explain why he had decided to do this, only moments after convincing himself that it was a doomed choice, treacherous and lonely. He didn’t know why he felt the compulsion to flee, as though the longer he stood there, the greater the risk of being caught out, called traitor, exposed as a fraud.

“Felicia!” He growled as he strode out of the room, hiding behind a veil of irritation. “Lady Corrin is now calm. Kindly assist her.”

The maid scampered past him, barely acknowledging his words.

All he knew was that he was miserably weak, and for all the pain and suffering he had ever seen in his life, he couldn’t stand for a second to watch his princess cry.

[funkymbtifiction]

Thanks a lot for answering! I wonder could you please give examples of everyday deeds/types of behavior of different primaries and secondaries? Like what are they like when there's a school test or when they need to visit a doctor? The more the better. Something more down-to-earth than the situations from the fantasy movies listed on the website that may never take place in the real world, something found in everyday life that will help someone identify themselves and mb others around them

I’m not sure I can do that, because frankly, your Primary House is a state of mind. It’s what you want and how you feel about things (or do not feel, in the case of Ravenclaws, ahem). But I can talk about a few things, particularly in response to Harry Potter, that can shed light on the state of mind of the Primary.

What I have most noticed about people in general is that we all have a built-in bias, and in order to find our true type—whether that is our MBTI type, our Enneagram core and tritype, or our Hogwarts House combination—we must abandon our ego defenses. What does that mean? We have to overcome our biases and want to know our true self, and own it, more than we want to fight against an answer that might not please us. In the Enneagram, I’ve noticed particular biases against being a 2 or a 6. Everyone wants to be the more “glamorous” 4 or the elusive, bookworm 5.

Harry Potter, for better or worse, introduced us to the concept of Hogwarts Houses, but also introduced us to a bias, because it made Gryffindor the most glamorous House, due to all the main characters (however unrealistically) hailing from that House. Or, at least, all the main characters we like. Ravenclaw is full of wise weirdos like Luna Lovegood, who irrationally believes in things no one can prove. Slytherin is host to mostly back-stabbing, snobbish cheaters. And Hufflepuff is an “afterthought” where all “the boring, nice people are.”

What I like about Sorting Hat Chats is… they made the entire system more interesting and a lot fairer. Now, Slytherin isn’t the only House with villains automatically placed in it: their villains have to be specific in their love (and not betray their family, because it is the house of My Family is My Life). This also means people, fictional or real, who prioritize their loved ones, are Slytherins. Such as Mr. Darcy, or Katniss Everdeen. Suddenly, being a Slytherin doesn’t seem so bad, right? Not if you are loyal to the ones you love! That alone will appeal to the mindset of a Slytherin, because they will think, “Of COURSE I am. Of COURSE my loved ones come first! They SHOULD!”

I have friends in all four Primary Houses, but I will use myself as an example of the Ravenclaw. When I was reading the books, having all the main characters in Gryffindor bothered me, because not only did it show a bias, but I felt some of the main characters ‘belonged’ in other Houses—such as Remus Lupin being a Hufflepuff rather than a Gryffindor. I also felt like Hermione belonged in Ravenclaw. But that is neither here nor there… my objections to the system came from the logical flaws in how she arranged it. It wasn’t realistic to have everyone ‘important’ or ‘admirable’ within the story come from Gryffindor. It was easier to have them share Common Rooms, but people don’t isolate like that and only befriend someone from their House. They look for like-minded friends who share interests, and would make them all over the place. It was my little Ravenclaw brain, pulling away at her system and finding flaws in its logic, but reacting from a place of logical reasoning rather than moral indignation.

When I took the SHC test, it placed me in Slytherin. And I was not opposed to that. In fact, I explored it for a long time, as I thought about how I respond in various situations. Slytherin appealed to me, because… I wish I could stand up for my family automatically. I wish I could prioritize my loved ones all the time. But I kept hitting upon the fact that – I like to think about things in a detached manner, and come to what I feel is a rational consensus. It’s more clinical and less emotional than Slytherins are—and it helped at the time that I knew a Slytherin, and could easily see both how possessive she was of people (they are “mine to protect” – she always reminded me of Slytherin Sam Gamgee in The Lord of the Rings, with his “MY MR. FRODO”) and how, without fail, her sister came before even me, her best friend. Through comparison, I knew I had to be something else. So in typical Ravenclaw fashion, I went through and considered them all. Because, as a Ravenclaw, I want to be RIGHT more than protect my ego. I am always looking for the truth, even when it hurts. And I am always measuring the world against an ideal in my head, built up of my belief system. I do not go against my beliefs; I mold myself to them. And it shocks me to find others who do not, but who claim to be the same as I am. I take, for example, my Christian faith seriously—so what do you mean you are ignoring what your faith says, and doing whatever you want??? YOU MOLD TO YOUR BELIEFS, DON’T YOU? Well, yes, if you are a Ravenclaw, you do. If you are any other House, you do not.

The Hufflepuff Primary I know has a far more ‘felt’ opinion of the books and their sorting system. She got livid reading them, and thinking about how constantly unfair it all was, how biased Rowling was, and how Dumbledore was clearly playing favorites constantly with Gryffindor House. She developed a bad attitude about him as a result… which, of course, is coming from her being a Hufflepuff. To a Hufflepuff, people come first. They are all treated fairly and seen as equals. You do not discriminate, you do not alienate, you do not give unfair favors to Harry and his friends, just so Gryffindor can win the House Cup over and over again. She was actually so angry about this, from a Hufflepuff perspective, that she was willing to be a Slytherin in defiance of ‘The System’ until she realized that kind of mindset is… pure Hufflepuff. “You are not being fair about this, I will oppose you.” It’s all instinctual, it’s all emotional, and it’s all loyalty to the human race, which includes Slytherins. (This caused us some friction for awhile, until I realized it was “just a Hufflepuff” objection, because... how can you be mad at Dumbledore for that? It’s just a convenient plot device in the book! ... says the Ravenclaw who isn’t getting too emotionally involved. ;)

The Slytherin I know, by the way, denied being a Slytherin at first, because she felt ashamed of it. She has been taught to act like a Hufflepuff, that she SHOULD care about everyone all the time, but… she does not. She cares about her loved ones the most, and she would protect them above other people, every time. I pointed out to her that Hufflepuff fits her less than Slytherin, because “You ARE Katniss. You told me that once. That you identified so heavily with her, because you would go into the arena for your Prim.” And then she admitted it, and saw the gloriousness that is being a loyal Slytherin.

The Gryffindor I know is always looking for a Cause, and… as a Ravenclaw, I find that exhausting. She wants to be mad about things, because that anger gives her the fire she needs to do something about it. She has taken on big Causes by financially supporting the Causes she cares about, and done physical things about smaller Causes. For example, as a teenager, she came upon three guys tormenting a dog. It made her so livid, she charged straight at them, swearing and screaming at them to leave the animal alone, and it scared them all so much, they turned tail and ran. She just knew it was the right thing to do, and she and I often butt heads a lot, because she expects everyone else (meaning me) to be as passionate as she is about doing the ‘right thing.’ My more detached “well, let’s look at both sides of this issue” has no place in her black and white Gryffindor mind (no, that is WRONG).

Secondary Houses are… something that may take a little more time to figure out, as you think about how you handle the ‘unexpected.’

Gryffindors… have to speak up if they see an injustice, or hear something they disagree with. They are they person who cannot keep their mouth shut, they need to voice their opinion. They don’t care if you don’t like it or don’t agree, to not state their views would be antagonistic to their central self. My Hufflepuff friend is a Gryffindor Secondary. Not only did she get mad about the biases in Harry Potter, she complained loudly about it, to me, and to other people, and even in a blog post, because the injustice of it needed drawn-attention to, and dealt with, and she doesn’t really care if you disagree. That’s just how she rolls, about EVERYTHING. Because Gryffindor Secondaries state their views. They see an injustice, and they rush toward it. (My Gryffindor friend is also a Gryffindor Secondary: see dog being abused, rush in to do something about it!)

Ravenclaws… want to prepare for everything, and then rely on their own skill set to handle problems as they arise. They are the person who, when their bike breaks down halfway home, consider what they know about bikes (can they fix this easily?), and what they know about public transportation (am I going to be able to catch a bus home?), and make decisions from there. Or who study for a test in advance and show up, only to panic because they found out they read the wrong chapter in the book and know nothing about it. My father is a Gryffindor with a Ravenclaw Secondary, and he over-prepares himself with any useful knowledge he thinks he might need to combat a wide variety of situations—and then is stumped if confronted by something he did not prepare for, and knows nothing about. He is always trying to think ahead and prepare so that he doesn’t have to improvise anything at the last second—because he sucks at it.

It was a comparison with him that actually shifted me away from assuming I had a Ravenclaw Secondary, because… I don’t suck at improvising. I’m actually quite good at it. And I don’t over-prepare, because in true Hufflepuff Secondary position, I figure I can ask someone for help. And they always give it to me. But what really cemented the deal for me, in terms of recognizing my Puff Secondary House, were two—no, make that three, truths from my life. 1) Ravenpuffs distill complex information and put it back out into the world for others to enjoy (hello, Funky!). 2) Puff Secondaries show up and do the tireless work, clock the hours, and are highly reliable, which is… me. I have run this site day in and day out for years. I am punctual, fastidious, I put my responsibilities ahead of all else (even turning down fun occasions because I need to work), and I will painstakingly work on perfecting something, finishing something, improving something, or polishing something (even when I’m bored). In short, I show up and do the work. And 3) the truth that Puff Secondaries have friends to stand up for them, because they have proven themselves reliable and trustworthy, is no joke. A few years ago, I had trouble with someone online and, without being asked, three of our mutual friends came to my defense. Proof of the Puff.

Lastly, Slytherin Secondaries are highly adaptable. It’s no problem for them to shift their approach given the needs of the situation. It’s the equivalent of a friend you admire, but who puzzles you (if you don’t share their Slytherin Secondary trait) because… it seems like they are a different person everywhere you go, because whatever is needed, they can become it. They are the person who has no trouble with change and no need to plan, because they just trust that it’s all going to work out fine, based on their ability to adapt. It’s the person who shows up at a friend’s birthday party expecting it to be formal, finds out it’s casual, sneaks into the bathroom to rearrange their attire, and emerges ready to play Twister. Or who will be serious with you, joke constantly with your brother, and behave like a saint around your mom, according to whatever works and appeals to you the best.

Hope some of that helps, though it wasn’t explicitly what you asked for. Best this ENFP can do, since in-depth sensory specific examples require a heck of a lot more Si than I’ve got. :P

[floof-ghostie]

*Stands on soapbox*

Chapter 297 makes you wonder how bad your crimes have to be in order to get into Tartarus. I know that killing people with your quirk and stuff falls into the general line of villainy, but I think this should also apply to things like:

Illegal experimentation

Black market stuff, like illegal support items

Hacking

Basically, tech related quirk crimes. The league of villains got their support items from the black market, so it has to be illegal. This kind of thing should definitely land one in Tartarus.

Which brings me to my next point:

We all know that we have wanted a new female villain (because Toga is kind of the only named one at this point), and Hori delivered in the form of Prisoner 656698. We saw her quirk in action, and it's most likely some kind of electricity quirk. Whatever kind of quirk it is, it was strong enough to control the cell doors, and set Overhaul (ugh) free.

So this could mean two things:

1. Based on her electricity quirk, she could be related to Kaminari, who has a similar electricity quirk. They do look somewhat alike; the hair, the eyes, the quirk. This could serve as a development point for Kaminari, though I hope not. I don't like it when female characters exist solely for male character development points. But nevertheless, it might serve as a "I'm not like you, and never will be" point for Kaminari, as they fight.

2. Based on the points above and depending on how bad your crimes have to be to get thrown into Tartarus, Prisoner 656698 could be a former support hero gone rogue. And yes, I know I have stated this numerous times on my blog and you're tired of seeing my support hero propaganda, but I can back this claim up properly this time! I have receipts!

I know it's blurry, but do you notice how she knew how to open the door here? She might have seen these kinds of locks, computer systems, or methods of containing villains during her time as a support hero. Also according to how U.A's support course works (not saying she went to U.A), you learn to use your quirk to help you make your support items. She probably knows her way around circuits, and computers due to the nature of her quirk, so that's how she managed to break Chisaki out so easily.

This could be a stretch, but how much do you guys want to bet that she studied the Tartarus system from the inside? I mean, observing how the system makes you suppress your quirk and stuff, or else you get shot. Based on what she said about the system not responding to her quirk, maybe she conducted "experiments" in her cell, like gradually activating her quirk so she could see how far she could go before they start getting suspicious (I hc that her quirk runs on her body heat, but that's a whole other story). She was probably planning on breaking out long in advance, before Shiggy came to bust people out. Also, her compulsion to help Chisaki? Stems from her years of finding ways to help heroes. She's probably a neutral kind of person, only really caring about herself and a select few. We don't know how long she's been in Tartarus; she could have made friends with Chisaki during that time.

As for how she got in? Well that's easy. She could have done what I said before:

1. Black market support items, or hacking jobs

2. Saw the dark side of hero society, and used her support items to bring down heroes

3. Illegal/unethical experimentation. Personally, this is the one I'm going with.

4. Hacking. Another one I'm going with.

So yeah, that's the refined version of my theory. Villains like Dabi, Toga, and Shigaraki shed light into how corrupt heroes can be, so I think we need a villain with ties into the support industry to show us the dark side of support heroes. Basically what I'm trying to say is:

We need a support villain

[winchesters-favorite-girl]

Flatline-Part Ten

A/N: Jensen and his sixteen year old daughter get into an argument before she goes out for a night with some friends. A few hours later, Jensen gets a call that is going to change his family’s life forever.

Word Count: 1,275

Warnings: Hospital setting, tiny bit of angst

Masterpost

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One Month Later

“Okay kiddos, Daddy is gonna be home with Y/N soon and you gotta remember to be really gentle with her, okay?” Danneel told JJ and attempted to make her babies understand.

“She’s in a wheelychair, right mama?” JJ asked before taking a bite out of the PB&J sandwich her mother had given her.

“That’s right sweetheart, she uses the wheelchair to move around. It’s not a toy, remember that okay? You can’t climb on Y/N when she’s in it and you don’t play with it when she’s not in it.” Danneel explained.

“Okay mama, I’ll be careful, promise.” JJ replied, “I’m ‘cited Y/N is finally coming home. I miss her.”

Danneel gave JJ a sad smile, “I know honey, me too. Good news is she’s home and we can take care of her now and tell her how much we love her and how much we missed her.”

JJ nodded her head, “She happier now?” JJ questioned in an innocent tone.

“Whaddya mean?” Danneel responded.

“Last time we visited Y/N she was sad and didn’t wanna talk much, she gonna be happier now that she’s home?” JJ wondered.

“Sweetheart,” Danneel said carefully as she walked over so she was sitting next to JJ at the table, “Y/N was in a really, really bad accident. She had boo boos all over her body and it took a really long time for the doctors to fix her. She was in a lot of pain so when we saw her a lot of time she wasn’t happy because her body hurt.”

“But I thought the doctors were supposed to make the hurting stop?” JJ asked.

“And they did, but sometimes to fix the boo boos they would have to do things that wouldn’t feel very good and healing takes a long time. Y/N’s body is still healing after the accident so she doesn’t always feel good.”

“Oh…” JJ responded softly, “Well, I hope home makes her feel better.”

Danneel planted a kiss to her daughter’s head, “Me too baby.”

“Kay kiddo, just gotta sign some papers up at the nursing station and we’ll be ready to go. Jared can you check around the room one last time to make sure we grabbed everything?” Your dad asked while standing in the doorway.

“Dad,” You sighed, “We checked the room three times already and you’ve run down five loads of bags to the car over the last two days, I think we grabbed everything.” 

“I know sweetheart, I just wanna be sure, I don’t want us to have to come back to this room again. Ever.” Jensen replied and you could tell by his tone that he was just as over being in the hospital as you were. 

After the meltdown you had a month ago your father rarely left your side. He would go home for the whole day every Monday and would go back for dinner and bedtime for your siblings every evening, but other than that he was committed to being by your side. Whenever he was gone someone from your family would come and be with you; your mother, uncles, grandparents and Jared would spend every Monday with you while your dad was gone. 

You hadn’t been this close with your father since you were a little girl, and though Jensen wished you had never been in the accident he was glad he had his daughter back and was terrified something would happen and that he’d lose you; because of this he had spoken with the doctors and you were now seeing a counselor three times a week. Her name is Amy and you adore her, she would come to your room while you were in the hospital and speak to you about what was going through your mind and how you were healing. It had been rough at first, opening yourself up to a stranger and talking about the intrusive thoughts you were having but she helped you navigate through them and allowed you to process everything that you had gone through. 

You had survived a traumatic event at sixteen years old, one that would forever have an impact on your life. 

Amy had given advice to your father on how to help you and she sat with the two of you while you tried to express your feelings to your father so that he could get a glimpse into your mind. Many tears were shed but by the end of it your father had a better understanding of what he needed to do in order to help you.

Jared had also become a more important figure in your life, spending every Monday with him, along with the numerous times that he would visit, he became someone you trusted. You’d tell him when you were struggling with such as accepting that you might not be able to walk again or how you were terrified of going back home because you’d have to adapt to another new normal. You told him how you felt guilty for taking all of your dad’s attention away from your siblings and that you worried about what your future looked like because you can’t picture anything past a week from now.

He listened to everything you’d say and never interrupt, he acted as a mediator between you and your father, sometimes even Amy when you couldn’t figure out how to word what you wanted to say. 

He’d become a safe place and right now you were very thankful that he was there because the second your dad walked out to the nursing station to sign your release papers you about broke down in tears with fear about leaving the hospital and you weren’t really sure why.

“Hey.” Jared spoke in a concerned tone, “What’s wrong? We’re happy today remember? We’re busting you outta this joint.”

You let out a choked laugh, “I know I just-I don’t know, why am I crying?”

“You tell me,” Jared responded, bending down so that he was level with you as you sat in your wheelchair.”

“I-I think I’m scared.” You told him, wiping a tear from your eye, “What if I go home and I don’t get better or what if I take more attention away from the kids? Ro and Zep are barely a year old, they need more attention than they’ve been getting and with me there-I’ll just take more time away.”

“Y/N/N, it’s gonna be okay. You haven’t taken any time away from them, there have been so many people in and out of the house helping take care of everyone, you going home isn’t going to mess up anything, in fact everyone is beyond ready to have you home.”

“You sure? I’m a lot more work than I used to be.” You asked in a small voice, wiping the last few tears off of your face.

“I’m positive.” He replied, placing a kiss on your head as he stood up.

“Alright, you guys ready to get outta he-what’s wrong?” Jensen questioned as he returned to your room and saw you wiping the tears off your face.

“Nothing, I’m okay.” You told him but based off the look he gave you he didn’t believe you for a second, “I mean it Dad, I’m okay. I had a moment but Uncle Jared helped me.”

Jensen squatted down to your level, “You sure sweetheart?” 

You nodded your head and gave him a smile, “Positive.” You told him, glancing up at your uncle who smiled back at you.

Jensen began to stand up and placed a long kiss on your forehead, “I’m so happy you’re coming home.” He told you as he looked into your eyes and you stared right back at him, giving him a grin.

“Me too.”

Next

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