#I wonder if I got the same thing 4 times because I would love to be a zoo keeper to hug all the animals
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I was tagged by @superflare @stargazer-sims @kissalopa ages ago, Iâm so sorry I took so long!
Do this uquiz
Do this picrew
I should have tagged some folks but I took so long I have no idea who has done it and who hasnât! đ (I donât mind removing this and tagging anyone who wants to tell me they havenât done it and would like to! Thereâs no shame in it!)
I took this quiz 4 times with mostly varying answers except the zoo one and got the same thing⌠itâs not totally off though I guessâŚ.. đ
#nonsims#non-sims#tagging game#I wonder if I got the same thing 4 times because I would love to be a zoo keeper to hug all the animals#Iâm the person at the party whoâs hanging out with the pets#Iâm happiest at a party that has pets for me to hangout with because it distracts my social anxiety đ
#I struggle with human socializing but I understand animals pretty good#I do like people too Iâm just bad at peopleing
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So you're a go to source for all things Dick&Tim bros and you tend to write primarily from Dick's POV. So, odd question, but if you were to summarize their relationship from his POV in FIVE panels which panels would you pick? Keeping in mind that one specific aspect of their relationship that you love needs to be clearly represented by each panel (loyalty, trust etc). I hope this is a fun challenge and not an annoying question so if you don't want to answer that's cool! Have a wonderful day!
No more talk. The same thoughts run through two minds... (SotB 29) / You're my equal. My closest ally. (RR 1) / I can't stop thinking how much I rely on him. (GoG 3)
25 Feelings Dick Has About Tim
This was such a kind ask & a cool challenge which I totally failed; here are TWENTY-five panels of Dick's POV on Tim sdfdsfds Look, I got carried away! Marcia and Cindy! The boys!!
OKAY SO BEFORE I GET TO THE PANELS A FEW NOTES:
WARNING THAT THERE ARE SOME NEGATIVE EMOTIONS IN HERE because I love conflict but but but you gotta remember those are not the final word!! They are complicated people and sometimes they get mad at each other BUT ultimately their relationship is so hugely important in both their lives & they love each other and rely on each other so much -!!! <3
Also I have CONCLUDING THOUGHTS at the end about what Dick's POV leaves out (mostly: a lot of Dick defending & protecting & supporting Tim, which Dick does instinctively but isn't very self-aware about most of the time)
I have loosely organized my list into 5^5 format (5 categories with 5 examples each!), so if you want to skip to a relevant one, here are the categories!!
Below the cut:
I hate him and find him infuriating (#1-5)
On second thought, he's endearing & fun (#6-10)
Grief is complicated & he's all tangled up in mine (#11-15)
I love him & think highly of him (#16-20)
I rely on him & though it's hard for me, I trust him (#21-25)
I hate him and find him infuriating (#1 - 5)
1) He thinks heâs so smart and can psychoanalyze me and Bruce, but he doesnât know me at all, he should get lost (New Titans 61)
2) He thinks heâs so smart and can psychoanalyze Bruce but he doesnât know Bruce at all, he should get lost (Gotham Knights 26)
3) He is so nosy about stuff that is MY business (Robin 0)
4) He sounds like an insincere suck-up half the time... but okay, fine, if you push him he's got a sense of humor about it (New Titans 65)
5) I'm sure he's a better vigilante than me. It's my fault for being a failure, but I resent him anyway. (Nightwing 9 - Dick's having a nightmare)
On second thought, he's kinda endearing (#6-10)
6) He worries too much and gets anxious so easily, but it makes him fun to tease (Robin 67)
7) I'm not that competitive - okay, so maybe I'm a little competitive, I gotta make sure he doesn't get a swelled head (Prodigal)
8) I'm supposed to be his favorite! It is not cool for him to be fanboying over my not-girlfriend's not-boyfriend!! (Birds of Prey 19)
9) We have fun together. I can kick back and relax when it's just the two of us. Plus I get to boss him around a bit. (Prodigal)
10) Heâs always trying to reassure me, and I guess it's a little comforting, but also he doesnât really get it. Or me. He makes excuses that he shouldn't, because he doesn't understand that I suck. (Nightwing 64)
Grief is complicated and he's all tangled up in mine (#11 - 15)
11) He reminds me of everything I try not to think about. Sometimes the memories are so strong it hurts to look at him. (Batman 441)
12) WHY IS HE BEING IMPOSSIBLE ALL OF A SUDDEN??? THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING (Nightwing 139)
13) We're the same. He says all the things I don't let myself think about. It's like arguing with myself. (Nightwing 139)
14) He thinks he gets to tell me what to do but he doesnât, fuck him (Battle for the Cowl)
15) Life sucks, so what. I sucked it up so he should too (RR 1)
I love him and think highly of him (#16 - 20)
16) Heâs the closest thing to a brother Iâll ever have. If someone hurts him I will hurt them harder. (Nightwing 6)
17) I can't handle the idea of losing him. (Nightwing 97)
17) Heâs so good and Iâm not. I'm afraid Iâm bad for him. (Nightwing 110)
18) Heâs better than me, and itâs kind of a relief because I know no matter what heâll be okay. (Gates of Gotham 3)
19) In my head heâs the responsible one. (Gotham Knights 10)
I rely on him, and though it's hard for me, I trust him (#20-25)
20) I know I have to trust him but I'm afraid he'll make the wrong choices and get hurt (Nightwing 139)
21) I'm sure I know what he should do because I see myself in him - not that I can take my own advice, but he should (Blackest Night 3)
22) I trust him. When Iâm losing my grip on things, he pulls me back. (Gotham Knights 10)
23) I want him to trust me (Red Robin 12)
24) He can tell when I'm lying. Sometimes he sees my weaknesses better than I wish he did. (Detective Comics 874)
25) Heâs always there when I need him. (Teen Titans / Outsiders Secret Files)
Final rambling thoughts:
TIM: Uhh, okay, so I'm just skimming this list - do you really trust me? you're not just saying that? - but anyway, I'm confused because you left some stuff out? Like some stuff that's kinda important? DICK: No? I think I got everything? TIM (starts counting on his fingers): The time I was having a bad day but then I called you. The time I got captured by Two-Face but then you saved me. The time I fell off a train but then you saved me. The time I fell off a building but then you saved me. The time I fell off a different building - DICK: I feel like you're trying to make some kind of point but I'm not sure what it could be.
SO THE THING IS, I put 25 panels in here and not a single one has Dick catching Tim when heâs falling!!! But I think that's a central motif of their relationship from Timâs POV, not Dickâs. I love Dick, but in some ways I think he is spectacularly un-self-aware.
And I think he especially has a lot of blind spots about Tim. He kinda intermittently gets that Tim admires him, and he enjoys it in a playful I-get-to-boss-you-around way. But Dick tends to consistently underestimate all of his own good qualities & skills, and he meets Tim at a point in his life when he's especially down on himself & his abilities. And so he's unable to see his own influence on Tim, & therefore unable to fully understand a lot of Tim's priorities and loyalties and motivations, because you can't actually understand Tim without understanding Dick's impact on him. There's a fascinating moment in Bruce Wayne: Murderer when Dick's completely blindsided & upset to discover that Tim doesn't entirely trust Bruce, even though this has been a definitive fact of Tim's whole thing ever since he showed up with his Batman needs Robin theory, and Barbara has to actively remind Dick of the obvious-to-everyone-except-Dick fact that a lot of Tim's loyalty is to Dick, and Tim loves Bruce but feels free to be more wary of him. (And to give Bruce credit: this is not something he ever begrudges.) But anyway Babs points this out, and Dick manages to sorta process it for about five seconds, but he cannot actually accept it into his worldview so instead he discards it at the speed of light and goes off and has an argument with Tim instead sdfsfdsf
All of Dick's virtues - Dick's kindness at the circus and Dick's determination to fight through grief and Dick's rigid sense of morals and Dick's vigilante skills and every time Dick has ever backed Tim up or listened to him or protected him or saved him from something or just been casually kind to a stranger in Tim's presence etc etc etc - all these things loom really large in Tim's mental story of Who Dick Is, and What Dick And Tim's Relationship Is. Tim meets Dick before he meets Bruce, trusts Dick more than Bruce, aspires to be Robin instead of Batman. And so in Tim's default version of the story, Dick is the super-special and admirable hero and Tim is... nobody in particular, a tagalong outsider who's barely managing to be a hero, not part of Dick and Bruce's family and not part of their story, who, if he's VERY LUCKY and tries REALLY HARD, might be able to fight his way to proving himself and offering something to Dick that Dick will value, if Dick doesn't get fed up with him first.
But that's not Dick's version of the story!!!
Dick's version of the story is almost the exact opposite, a story where Dick's an outcast failure black sheep who's screwing up everything he tries, and meanwhile Tim is The Sudden New Perfect Robin Who's Better Than Me And Probably Bruce Loves Him More And Probably They Gossip About What A Loser I Am, mixed with a complicated edge of Tim Thinks He's So Smart But He Doesn't Know Me/Us At All. Dick gets much more attached to Tim over time, and Tim gets unnervingly better at the know-it-all psychoanalysis so then Dick gets to have complicated feelings about him being right instead of just annoyance at him for being wrong, plus Dick's relationship with Bruce improves a lot, so Tim stops feeling so threatening. But Dick never fundamentally changes his basic theory of their relationship in which Tim is highly impressive and capable, and Dick is not so much.
And so asking Dick about Tim is kinda like if you asked George Bailey to tell you about Harry Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life; like, you'll be there for five hours while he tells you how great Harry is, and how accomplished Harry is, and how he doesn't really get how or why Harry does the things he does, and maybe George does feel a little resentful or jealous sometimes, but that pales in comparison to all his admiration and trust for Harry who he loves so much, who's better than him in so many ways, and he's not gonna openly gripe but secretly he can't help but feel sometimes like he's such a failure in comparison to Harry, a perfect person who emerged fully formed from Zeus's head with all the virtues and also all the accomplishments, etc. etc. etc. --
-- and he will not actually remember the part where he changed and saved Harry's whole entire life unless you literally send him to an alternate timeline in order to force him to remember it. <3
#i enjoyed thinking about this so much i wrote a novel with All My Thoughts sorry sdfsdfs#tim drake#dick grayson#somewhat tangential but as i was writing this i was thinking about zahri's post#about how different types of stories offer different kinds of emotional payoffs#and i think for me for dick and tim the main two payoffs are:#1) someone who sees & understands your grief for deaths that will never get fixed or get better#and who will face your ghosts with you EVEN WHEN you're also mad at each other#2) someone who you look at and you see all the ways that you suck & he's better & you're a loser who's failed him etc etc#but it turns out that you're wrong. that you're good enough. not that none of the failures were real or that they were all in your head#but it turns out that it's okay that you didn't always immediately do or feel the right thing#and it's okay that you weren't perfect. you can fuck up six thousand ways & everything you did right will still matter#not because of making excuses or allowances or somebody pityingly trying to make you feel better#but because in the end the things you did right are just Genuinely More Valuable than anything you did wrong#all the times you tried & everything that you tried to give - everything you think wasn't good enough - it was.#IN OTHER WORDS they are both convinced they're not good enough & they are both wrong <3#anyway dick and tim are both INCREDIBLY SIMILAR and also CONSTANTLY misreading each other and i love that for them#and like. they will sometimes totally misread each other & then never figure out the part that they misunderstood#but then they manage to keep going anyway. we love each other on purpose <333#ask tag#dick&tim
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Winx & Specialists Dynamics that are so Precious to me
it makes sense that in the show, winx and their non-boyfriend specialists donât interact much. but!! iâm very insane about codependent found families, and I want them all to love each other. so hereâs my take on some tet-a-tet dynamics:
rare pairings:
Musa & Timmy: childhood frenemies. they used to go to the same middle school on Melody, and as type-A tweens do, had an intense, âyouâre the only person I match myself toâ kind of rivalry. they lost contact after Timmy moved away, chilled out considerably, reconnected in Alfea and had a wonderful banter-filled friendship since. because of how fast they slotted back into a friendship, some of their classmates genuinely thought they were siblings.
Tecna & Riven: got up from a rough patch. from âI dislike you but we both love Musa, so we have to be civilâ to âyou have more depths to you than I expectedâ to ânow that I understand you, I canât help but admire certain things about youâ to âbitch, you are the only person who is as weird and clueless as I am, ARE YOU READY TO GO TO THE ARCADE AND ANNIHILATE KIDS FOR SHITS AND GIGGLESâ
Flora & Brandon: little sister, older brother vibes. of similar temperaments and views, they enjoy spending time over a cup of tea â talking about everything and nothing. itâs therapeutic, almost.
(no one in the group knew that Brandon and Flo were good friends. once, when the two had to team up during a mission, Bloom couldnât even finish saying: âit would be a good opportunity for you to get to know each ot-â, before the specialist-fairy duo were re-creating the most complicated and choreographed hand shake ever. jaws were on the floor.)
Aisha & Brandon: they are sporties, and they like doing sport things together! they donât talk aside from exchanging brief encouragements and advice while out, preferring to spend their time in companionable silence. sorta like those dads who never talk to their buddies, but somehow have the strongest and longest bonds ever?
Helia & Bloom: artist besties. Bloom drags Helia out on picnics, where they practice observational drawing (and tiktok trends that Bloom desperately wants to reenact but none of the winx are good at arts); Helia responds by taking her out to see art museums in Magix. itâs a fun dynamic of Bloom being the bubbly gold retriever, and Helia being her black cat.
Tecna & Sky: they didnât have much of a relationship until year 4. somehow, they both got really, intensely into weaponsmithing and built a joint workshop. they found that they enjoy working alongside each other and value each otherâs insights. sky goes to tecna when he needs frank, un-sugarcoated advice, and tecna accompanies sky on hikes and other spirited adventures, for âbonding activitiesâ (because he told her she doesnât get out of her comfort zone enough). itâs a relationship of deep mutual respect.
Sky & Stella: childhood friends. they knew each other as children and enjoyed playing together (which is how Stella also knew Brandon pre-Red Fountaine). at least, until Stella was unofficially banned from Eraklyon because shenanigans, and they lost contact. they still jokingly call each other âMy Ladyâ and âMy Lordâ.
Stella & Nabu. Both are flirty and extroverted people, who enjoy the spirit of showmanship. They have a friendly rivalry going of who can fluster the villain of the week the fastest.
canon bf-gf dynamics (dating in canon, open to interpretation otherwise):
Bloom x Sky: liked each other since the first meeting; bonded over being the friend group moms. (on unrelated note: bloom gentle parents her friends, while sky goes all exasperated cig mom on his team and repeats things like: âyou better go to sleep right now, or so help me Dragon I will take away your Owl pilot privileges-â)
they are not the most outwardly affectionate couple of the winx, yet they are so wordlessly devoted to each other. sky will follow bloom to the ends of all dimensions, when she gets a calling from powers as mystical as she. bloom will always believe in him and see him as his own man, unlike the many who see him only as his fatherâs son. they were entwined by fate, long before one had met the other; yet, thereâs the trust, the respect, the faith so strong â that could have only come from friendship forged and tested by fire.
Stella and Brandon: the hottest power couple; sole reason behind 60% of all student fairies/specialists/witches queer awakening.
they banter all. the. goddamn. time. these dorks are speaking a whole different language.
they are also most comfortable in each otherâs company, being able to be their genuine, less polished selves. stella and brandon are both performers bred and born, playing the roles of a noble princess and a knight. itâs nice, to have a safe reprieve from all that acting.
Aisha and Nabu. their love was one that sneaked up on them. their distance, set by a discomfort at the idea of an arranged marriage, bridged as they transitioned from being reluctant comrades to friendly rivals to unwilling friends to best friends to âif someday the moon calls you by your name, donât be surprised â because every night I tell her about youâ
Tecna and Timmy: partners in crime, ride or die, sunny faith in each other â even when the other person doesnât believe in themself. I have a whole post about them, go read that ;)
Flora and Helia: they are so. they are. they-
icons. the most romantic couple, the one that sets the standards, the one that gives their friends advice. they are extremely attentive to each otherâs needs and tender with each otherâs feelings.
flora can recite heliaâs poems in her sleep, and trace his drawings with her eyes closed. helia brings mielle presents every time he stops by. flora has tea with heliaâs dad every other tuesday; she keeps note of every time helia and saladin are supposed to meet up, to be able to whisk helia away after and distract him from his troubles. helia knows how to care of floraâs plants, and sends her lovingly assorted gift baskets semi-regularly.
Musa and Riven. their relationship is push and pull, is joy then sorrow.
itâs all in a drag of a cigarette, in the vortex of a starless night, in the hoarse laughter. âof all the people in the world, why did it have to be you?â sheâll say and smile.
â Iâm afraid weâre doomed, lover,â heâll reply, faux-casually, and smile back. both of them will know itâs the truth.
their relationship was not built to last, not for the lack of love or try. maybe they were too similar â both headstrong, unbending, bleeding hearts. maybe they were just different enough not to understand their hurts. nevertheless, it was not built to last â but neither of them would ever bring to regret it. love prevails, no matter in what form in comes, or something like that.
#winx club#winx headcanons#winx#winx bloom#winx brandon#winx sky#winx riven#winx flora#winx specialists#winx stella#winx aisha#musa x riven#winx helia#winx nabu#winx tecna#winx timmy#winx rewrite#flora x helia#bloom x sky#stella x brandon#aisha x nabu
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Who (1/?) -J.Y & S.M
Pairing: Poly! Jeong Yunho x reader x Song Mingi
Genre: Angst, Smut
Warnings: This content is for a mature audience
Synopsis: You can't remember when was the last time you spent time with them, the last "I love you", the last time any of them kissed you.
Other chapters: Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6
If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee â
"Mingi, please. I think we should talk; I don't feel good andâŚ" He was quick to cut you off.
"Y/n not right now, I'm tired."
You are always tired these daysâŚ
"Yunho, love do you want to go out and check out that new cafeteria? I heard they haveâŚ" He was quick to cut you off.
"Y/n not right now, I'm busy."
You are always busy these days...
Things haven't been the same in a while, always in a rush, always in a mood. You can't remember when was the last time you spent time with them, the last "I love you", the last time any of them kissed you. It was a type of routine you had grown accustomed to, and even if it was killing you inside, the idea of being without them was way worse than the pain of their neglect. Cold, endless nights laying in a bed that was way too big for you; tasteless dinner plates that would end up in the trashcan or at the back of the fridge rotting. A home that was crumbling from its foundations, one that you had so desperately tried to patch up and fix by yourself. But in the end, you just had to face the cruel reality, that they don't care. You were not a priority; your relationship was at the bottom of their list.
That's how you ended up at Chan's apartment, in the middle of the night, with so much as your phone in your pocket and your heart in your hand. He had been your main support the last weeks, anything you wanted, anything you needed, no questions asked. Whenever you woke up crying, whenever you broke down in the middle of the day, Chan was always there to comfort you. And so, you laid there, in his chest, the aftermath of a movie night in which you had only cried twice, an important milestone.
The constant buzzing in the pocket of your pyjamas was making it quite hard for you to continue sleeping. You knew exactly who dared bother you so late at night, it had been the same callers every single night for the past month.
"Don't answer it." Chan's groggy voice filled your ears. He was right. You declined the call and turned off your phone.
But said-call had already done its job, you couldn't stop thinking about the phone, well the people behind it. Your phone was full of texts and missed calls, eight people behind them, because their friends were loyal like that.
They are so sorry.
Please talk to them.
Yunho is drowning himself in work.
Mingi doesn't even talk to us.
Funny it is. A few weeks ago, it seemed they could live perfectly fine without you; they could go on with their day without even glancing your way. You gave them every single piece of your being just to get crumbles in return. But at the same time, your heart is weak, it canât help but break every time you read one of their texts, wondering if they miss you that much, if they are sorry, if maybe, just maybe, you should go back.
âY/n⌠you are overthinking again.â Bang Chan said, pulling you out of your thoughts.
âI know, I just feel bad, Chan. Maybe I overreacted, maybe if I tried a bit harder to talk to themâŚâ There you were again, trying to justify their actions. Chan gave you the same stern look he had been giving you for weeks, every time you blamed yourself.
He got up, not mentioning the subject anymore. Tired of going on about the same subject, âHey, are you hungry? I can make you something or we can order in.â
It would be a lie to say you were not enjoying Chanâs presence. Having someone to talk to, someone to have a meal with, even someone who sits next to you without being on their phone or computer, you miss not feeling alone. And even though you were heartbroken, you felt warm on the inside.
-------------------------------------------------------
While you might be doing somewhat okay, the other parts of your relationship were not. The house was in complete silence, no matter the hour, no matter the day, no one would dare say a word, their mouths too busy sobbing every single time they remembered their sins, taking you for granted, neglecting you, breaking you.
Yunho would keep himself busy at the hospital, the idea of going back to a broken home simply made him nauseous, and even if the lack of food and the stress were killing him, he much rather endure that than face the harsh truth. Mingi wasnât any better, endless nights spent in the office, acting as if he was reviewing cases, but the reality was that he just wanted a place to cry without anyone noticing him. Even the love between them was running cold. Fight after fight, they spat cruel words and thoughts trying to get all the hurt and anger out of their chests, blaming themselves, blaming each other. How did they not notice things were so wrong? How could they let things get so wrong?
âOh, donât act as if I'm the only one who wasnât here, you slept at the office almost every day. I came home late, but you didnât even come at all.â Yunho said, venom in his voice and a glass of whiskey in his hand.
Mingi scratched his forehead in frustration, he could feel the bile going up his throat. âForgive me for trying to pay the bills, someone has to pay for the house, the student loans, the fucking food thatâs on the table.â
âFuck off, donât you dare say Iâm not bringing any money. Besides, you know that this is temporary while I finish my residencyâŚâ
And there the cycle began once again, a screaming match of arguments that never went anywhere, masking the true cause of their pain. Tears ran down their faces, their voices broke down more and more with each word they let out, Yunho's body trembled so much it hurt, while Mingiâs chest felt as if it was about to explode.
âIâm not okay, Yunho.â It was the first time any of them said it out loud, his voice was much raspier and heavier than the usual one.
âI'm not either, Mingi.â He whispered, fearing he would break down even more if he admitted it much louder.
âShe left three weeks ago.â
Yunho could only nod.
âSheâs not coming back, is she?â
âI donât know, Mingi.â
#yunho angst#yunho smut#yunho x reader#mingi smut#mingi x reader#mingi angst#jeong yunho#song mingi#ateez smut#ateez x reader#ateez angst#ateez
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đđđ§đđĽđ˘đ§đ
â â
'đđđđŤđŹ đđ¨ đđ¨đŚđ' - đŹđđŤđ˘đđŹ
chapter summary: You are falling into darkness and meaninglessness. Satoru refuses to let you do that.
pairing: gojo satoru x f!sorcerer reader
warnings: hurt/comfort, lots of comfort, after 'premature death', after suguru deflection, describtion od depression, apathy, lost meaning in life, slight eating disorder, sleeplesness.
author's note: We finally get to see his softer side, though as is his fashion, he does it in his own way.
4 months after Suguru defected
"I know that the situation that happened has left its mark on you, however, you must not give up like this."
Yaga had been trying to reach you in his office for several minutes. To no avail. Your gaze was still blank, staring at a single point on his desk since you sat down, it didn't seem like you were present in any way.
Silence. You didn't answer anything. Just as you always do.
This is not your first meeting with your Sensei. Yaga has been trying to make his way to you for about a month.
A void in your head, so great and black that it swallowed you whole. Your body indifferent to every sense that reached you, you did not analyse it at all. If Satoru hadn't dragged you here, literally holding your hand and leading you, you wouldn't have come here at all. You didn't have the will or the strength for it.
Everything stopped at that moment. It ended. There was nothing left. Anything important and beautiful in your life was taken away from you by the terrible malice of fate. Your house burnt down. Your beloved had descended into madness. You no longer had anything to care about. Your entire past no longer mattered. Everyone is literally dead.
Even you died that day.
You wondered what was still alive.
Or at least that's how you explained it to yourself, unable to accept that the same person who promised you the world had just taken it away from you.
You were lifeless. It didn't take much to conclude that.
All that remained was a fragile, frail and empty shell of a person once filled with love, dreams and passion.
You no longer had the strength to cry, or to utter any words. If it wasn't for Shoko, you wouldn't even eat, and if it wasn't for Gojo, you probably wouldn't sleep.
You could smile altogether now. The world of jujutsu never broke you, the person you loved did. But you didn't, even though it crossed your mind.
What an honour to be the exception to the rule.
Yaga sighed leaning against his expensive chair.
"(Y/N)." he called out, though you didn't even flinch "I don't want you to end up like this. As your teacher, I recognises your self-doubt as his personal failure. The situation that has befallen you is a very difficult one and I understand that you would need time to get things back to normal."
He leaned towards you "However, in this world we live in, we cannot afford such a luxury." you knew his eyes were drilling into you.
"It has been more than four months. Your condition is not improving, only getting worse. At your request, I have specifically let you skip part of your training." you heard him grinding his teeth, but not out of anger, but out of helplessness "I'm doing my best not to send you on missions in this condition, because I know that even if something attacks you-" he paused.
-you won't even try to defend yourself.�� you finished for him in your head.
He was right, you knew it, and so did anyone who would just look at you. You lost a lot of weight, your skin turned pale got a shade of gray, and your eyes lacked their former spark.
You could see that Yaga, in that silence, couldn't find the right words. When he opened his mouth to say something, you finally muttered, pausing his speetch.
"But Sensei, you shouldâŚ" you raised your gaze from the one point where it was cumulative to look the man deep in the eyes
"..let something finish me off. It's all meaningless anyway."
â
--
Yaga sat in his office, surrounded by a silence that seemed to deepen his worries. Outside the window, the rain drummed against the glass as if to wash the weight of anxiety from his soul, but it only deepened his sense of helplessness.
Your words, haunted him.
âLet something finish me off. It's all meaningless anyway' constantly echoed in his mind, like a silent cry of despair that gave him no peace.
Never before had he seen such emptiness in someone's eyes - an emptiness that testified that all hope, all will to fight, had been sucked out of you.
He was incapable of seeing Geto Suguru roll into a similar spiral.
It was a failure that has pursued Yaga, reminding him of the fragility of the human mind.
You are reminder of that too.
Now he saw the same symptoms in your - empty eyes, unresponsive to sensory input, avoiding contact with others.
Every day when you came to training was like seeing a ghost moving among the living, unable to fully return to life. You was physically there, but you soul seemed to be elsewhere, trapped in a place you couldn't get out of.
In this state, Yaga knew he had to seek advice from others.
He must act. He will not make this mistake again.
You will not be a case to regret.
And he had a lot of them.
He was the first to go to Shoko. He met her in the corridor, as busy as ever with her work, locked in a world where medicine was everything.
"Shoko, have you tried to talk to her? Something about her condition?" he asked, although he already knew the answer. Shoko sighed, not stopping for a moment.
"I'm not good at such conversations." she replied briefly, looking at him fleetingly, as if those words would explain everything. Yaga knew that Shoko was doing as well as she could, but he also knew, that she was avoiding emotion like a fire. She couldn't help you in this battle that was going on inside. She was only capable of healing you on the outside.
The next stop was Nanami. Always serious, always composed, Nanami was someone who could be counted on in the most difficult of times. However, when Yaga asked him the same question, the answer was equally overwhelming.
"I understand what she is going through. I've tried to reach out to her, but⌠she's silent. I don't know how I can help her when she won't talk.â" there was a note of helplessness in Nanami's voice that had never been there before. Yaga knew that he sympathised with you, that he had tried, but that he himself could not break through this invisible barrier you had built around yourself.
Last was Satoru, always the enigmatic one, always full of contrasts. Yaga found him in one of the training rooms as he watched the younger students' classes.
"Satoru, did you talk to her?" he asked, knowing that Gojo was someone who could see more than others.
"I don't talk. I just sit by her when she's awake. That's all I can do." replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Yaga felt a mixture of relief and sadness upon hearing these words. Satoru, in his typical style, had found a way to be beside you, but even he, with all his unlimited potential, could not pull you out of your state.
â
--
3 weeks after Suguru defected
Gojo was initially not supposed to get so involved.
He kept repeating to himself that he wasn't good at such things, that he didn't know how to talk about such topics, couldn't find a solution for you or show you something he should.
Your storm you showed him that day left a mark in him. It awakened something in him. He couldn't deny it. He just kept living in the belief, that he wasn't capable of doing anything about it. He didn't feel that there was anything in him that he could offer to help you. He never knew what to say, he never knew what to do. He felt hopeless about it. Satoru was not the kind of person who makes the same mistakes twice or never learns from them.
He blamed himself for Suguru's departure. He felt that his corruption was his fault. His lack of attention, his lack of interest, his powerlessness - his failure to adapt to such situations.
Gojo Satoru was the strongest, that was the reason he was born. It was what he was made for.
He was not made to come into contact with the problems of humanity, he was always above others, he never touched such topics. And now here you are. In front of him. You are showing him this.
You bring him closer to this subject, you prove to him that he, despite his title, is still human.
He feels exactly what you feel.
You are proof that the feelings he has inside him - make him human.
What ultimately made him abandon the idea of leaving the subject to himself was the sight of you. Soaking wet for long moments on the training field.
He saw you from a distance, as he walked with Shoko to class. He separated from her to letting her go ahead, saying he would catch up with her. The rain was dark and heavy. he didn't need an umbrella, so he walked throught it like was nothing. A white beam of light, walking throught the dark.
The sight of you, sitting on the training field with a bamboo sword, completely soaked - stuck in his mind. It was an image that spoke more than a thousand words. You were physically there, but spiritually you seemed to be far away, in a place where no words could reach you. Satoru, though usually full of energy and humour, this time simply walked up to you and without a word took your hand, pulling you out of the rain. You didn't even defy him as the force lifted your body and made you float slightly above the ground.
He sat you down in his room, giving you a towel to dry you off. Gojo left for a while, leaving you covered in towels and a warm blanket.
He quickly teleported to the kitchen, to brew a mug of warm tea for you. He waited patiently for the kettle to boil the water, tapping his fingers against the kitchen counter in thoughtfulness. He thought about bringing Shoko to you, as you might have caught a cold. Suguru had mentioned that you catch such colds quite easily.
As he moved back, he set his mug down on his notebook-cluttered desk and looked at you. You stood at the window, watching the rain that had kept the world quiet all day today.
"Why the rain?" he asked, trying to strike up a conversation. You did not answer immediately, still staring at the raindrops reflecting on the window.
After a moment, you raised your gaze, looking at him with a blank stare. "Because the rain is clean. It washes everything away. Maybe if I stood there long enough, it would wash me away too." Satoru felt his heart squeeze with pain at those words, but he didn't allow himself to have any emotional outbursts.
You sat like this for a long time, he beside you, looking out at the rain. In the silence that surrounded, he could feel how devastated you were, how much you had lost the will to live. He knew that these feelings would not disappear overnight. He was aware of that.
So from that moment on, Satoru implemented a plan that seemed strange and effective, exactly his style.
â
--
1 month after Suguru defected
The first month was a time of anticipation and patience for Satoru.
When he first entered your room, he felt the dense atmosphere almost overwhelm him. The quiet, enclosed room seemed as if trapped in time. You were sitting on the bed, your back turned to the door, shoulders tense. It was clear that your thoughts were far away.
Satoru closed the door behind him, then took a seat against the wall, far away from you, right next to the door. He sat down on the floor, pulled his gameboy out of his pocket and began to play, pretending it was a normal everyday situation.
At first you did not even look at him. Your gaze remained fixed on one point, as if you were trying to find a meaning in it that you could not find anywhere else. Satoru, however, was not bothered by this silence. He concentrated on the game, allowing you to get used to his presence while giving you space. Managing the space was his special skill.
Every day he would spend a few dozen minutes in your room, sometimes playing, sometimes bringing something to eat with him. Often he would sit there with a meal in his hand, eating slowly, and the sounds of munching were the only sounds in the room. He never tried to get you to talk, knowing that your personal space was crucial at that moment.
â
--
2 months after Suguru defected
The second month brought slight changes. Satoru, feeling that your reactions to his presence had become more bearable, decided to get closer.
Instead of sitting on the floor by the door, he took a seat in the chair by your desk, which stood slightly closer to the bed. When he entered the room, you looked at him - that was a success! Noticing change in his behaviour, but you took a quick glance at him, so he couldn't be happier. He passed you a small smile, that was a welcoming greeting.
Satoru stretched out comfortably in a chair, pulled out a book and began to read. Occasionally he would reach for his headphones to turn on some music for himself, shutting himself off from the world but still being there, at arm's length, if you need him.
There were days when he couldn't concentrate on reading, so he would just sit, watching you out of the corner of his eye. As time went on, he began to notice that you would sometimes glance at him, as if trying to understand why he came here almost everyday that was free for him, even though you didn't exchange a word with each other. Even when he was busy, your room was the first stop when he came back from any mission.
â
--
3 months after Suguru defected
In the third month, Satoru felt he could risk the next step.
When he walked into your room one day, instead of sitting in a chair, he walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. He felt your body tighten as soon as he sat down, but you didn't move away or ask him to leave. This was the sign he had been waiting for.
He pulled out his gameboy, fired up the game and started playing, sitting next to you. For a while, the silence was almost overwhelming, but as time passed, the atmosphere began to relax. Satoru noticed that although you still didn't speak, your presence had become somewhat more conscious.
He started bringing you food when Shoko couldn't. He felt that when he brought you something, you were more eager to glance at it. And you even took a bite of the sweet roll he left with you one day.
There were also moments when you started to move, as if you wanted to say something, but the words were stuck in your throat. Satoru did not push. He felt that these small gestures were a sign of progress.
â
--
4 months after Suguru defected
In the last month of this silent coexistence, Satoru decided to go all in.
When he entered your room, he didn't stop at the door or the chair. He immediately headed for the bed and lay down beside you without a word. He felt you body stiffen at first, but after a while you relaxed, accepting his presence. This was so strange, but so.. welcoming.
Both of you lay side by side, arms barely touching, but it was enough.
Satoru pulled out his mp3 player, turned on quiet music and placed it between you two, letting the soft sounds fill the silence. He watched the ceiling, occasionally glancing up to look at your face. The sight of it, now devoid of such deep pain as it had been in the beginning, made him relieved. He knew that your emotional state was still fragile, but he was sure that his presence was helping you in some way. You were helping him too, he just couldn't say that to you.
His presence in your room become such a small tradition, which he often looked forward to. Besides your dorm was a good escape for him, when he was looking for, there was never any thought that he could be at your place.
One day, as both you lay like this, you gently turned towards him and looked at him with a slightly softer expression on your tired face. You didn't need to say anything - your gaze said more than words.
Satoru smiled slightly at you, then closed his eyes, feeling that you had reached a state of understanding that was only possible through months of patience and perseverance.
He was content, that he could see your eyes weren't so empty or full of tears. That was a breakthrought, that he was so eager to welcome.
â
--
4 and a half months after Suguru defected
Satoru has not visited you for a week.
You knew he was back from a mission, because Shoko bringing you food mentioned it. She also said that it had been a long and exhausting one, on which they had sent him alone, with no support from even specialists.
It was already very late in the night, you had been waiting for him for a long time, and yet he had not come.
For the first time since moths, you got out of bed by yourself.
You poked your head out, to see if the light in his room was on, it still was. You were overwhelmed by a strange feeling, that you could not quite describe. You wondered what the reason was for breaking this little tradition you shared between the two of you.
You came to the conclusion, that he probably needed the space himself and was just using it. Although this seemed to you to be completely unsuitable for a person you came to know. Should you do something about this fact? You nervously bit your nail.
What if he now needs the same treatment that he used to give you? What if he just needs to be alone?
A conflict arose in your mind. You didn't know what to do, how to behave. You felt a little stressed as you slowly sat back down on the bed.
What should you do?
Your decision was made, when your foot visited the kitchens for the first time in months to brew a tea for him.
All you could hear in the quiet corridor was the soft creaking of the floor, as you approached the door of his room. The wooden gates were slightly open, as if Gojo didn't have the strength to close them fully. You carefully pushed it open with your hand, peering inside.
Satoru was lying on the bed, with his arms spread, as if the weight of the world was crushing him to the mattress. His white hair, always so perfectly styled, were a mess. Fortunately, he had managed to change into his pyjamas. There was an expression of extreme fatigue on his face, but when he heard quiet footsteps, he lifted his eyelids.
Your gazes met. You gently closed the door behind you, then stepped deeper into the room, setting your mug of warm drink down on the desk. Just as he had done this to you one time. Your limbs tremble slightly from the cold. Going to the kitchen in just your pyjamas and flip-flops at this time of year was a stupid idea.
You didn't exchange a word with each other. You blandly started playing with the sleeve of your nightshirt. You didn't need words to understand how tired he was, the slight bags under his eyes and messy look told you all you needed to know.
He changed positions on the bed, moving more towards the wall, grabbed a corner of the duvet and lifted it up. He made an inviting gesture with his head and his slightly glowing eyes went out.
You sat on the edge of the bed first. Feeling a little on unfamiliar ground. You had only been in his room a couple of times. The main place for you to hang out as a group was Suguru's room. Immediately you felt the warmth emanating from the sheets.
With a slow movement you lay down next to him, letting the warmth of the duvet and his scent greet you. The mattress bent slightly under you weight, as you turned to face him. You could feel how soft and molded his mattress was, how his pillow was pleasantly arranged. Your body slowly began to warm, heat waves spreading through your body, soothing your mind and dulling your senses. The air around you was warm, enveloping, and his presence added a strange sense of security that you hadn't felt in a long time.
You could feel your body relaxing more and more with each breath. You could hear the calm rhythm of his breathing, which worked on like a lullaby. You were so warm, not only physically, but also internally, as if this place, this moment, was exactly where you were supposed to be.
You slowly closed your eyes, feeling sleep begin to embrace you with it's softness. The thoughts that had been swirling around in your head just moments before, began to quiet down, giving a way to a blissful emptiness. The warmth of his body and regular breathing were like an focus points that, allowed you to pull your head away from your worries and sink into a peaceful sleep.
Finally, you allowed yourself to fully surrender to the moment. You fell asleep, with his hand still gently resting on your waist, in a place that seemed the safest in the world.
â
--
Satoru slowly opened his eyes, feeling the soft rays of the sun on his face. For a while he lay still, savoring the quiet of the morning and the warmth that beat from the body, cuddled into his. You were sleeping peacefully, your breathing was steady and deep, and face expressed the kind of calm he hadn't seen in you in a long time. He smiled slightly, pleased that you could finally truly rest.
He didn't want to wake you, but he knew the day was calling him. He shifted cautiously, reaching for the phone that lay on the bedside table. For a moment, he pondered how to play it, but quickly decided that the only person he could ask to do it - was Shoko.
you: "Take care of everything today? Thanks. >á´<"
7:43 am
Sent a message, not waiting for a respond, he put the phone aside, before turning back to you.
He glanced at your face once more. You looked so peaceful, as if for a moment you had forgotten everything that had overwhelmed you for months.
Gojo gently ran his fingers through your hair, trying not to wake you up. He smiled, seeing how you moved slightly in his arms, as if you instinctively knew he was there.
He was so proud of himself, the sight of your sincere rest soothed his heart somehow. Thanks to him, you were finally able to rest. He felt satisfaction and contentment at the thought. He finally didn't feel so helpless and powerless. He felt that he had just done something, that at least one person, by some screwed up luck, had managed to be saved by him.
With a slight sigh, he closed his eyes, allowing himself to sink into sleep again. He knew that he didn't have to rush anywhere, that this was a day they could spend relaxing, even if he had responsibilities and pressures on him, at this point he totally didn't give a damn. He fell asleep quickly, holding you close to him, enjoying the moment of comfort you brought to him as well.
You two slept all day, cuddled up to each other in warm cozy embrace.
With the peace and quiet you finally rested, as you both deserved.
Š noira-l 2024 | all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, modify, or redistirbute my work without permission
tl (open): @kalopsia-flaneur
#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#gojo x you#satoru gojo x you#satoru gojĹ x reader#gojo x y/n#satoru gojo x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x reader#years to come#jjk x reader#jujutsu gojo#jujutsu kaisen#suguru x reader#jjk#premature death#jjk angst#jjk hurt/comfort#nanami kento#shoko ieiri#yaga masamichi
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Second Best- Jungkook (part 4)
Summary: Being friends with someone who has your heart itâs already hard, let alone when that special someone ends up falling in love with your best friend, the one you think would never make anything to hurt you . Will you be able to ignore it and move on? what will happen when everything gets too much for you to handle?
Genre:Â Friends to lovers; angst; body insecurities; bullying; friend betrayel;
Pairing: Jungkook x female!reader
Note: Thank you so much for your love and support <3 If there is any mistakes I'm sorry. Let me know so I can correct it. Lots of love
After being there for a while, lost in his thoughts, he felt an arm around him. He didn't have to look back to know who it was.
âI was looking for you baby. Why did you leave like that? I mean I wasn't expecting it but I- â Jungkook interrupted her Â
âI saw Y/n just a few minutes ago. She told me to tell you she had someone waiting for her outside and she was leaving. Did you two come with anyone else?âÂ
âY/n left? She didnât say anything else? No, we came alone but got apart after. Maybe she followed our steps and decided to get some action for the night. I was starting to worry for her, I mean who doesnât want to get laid once in a while?â Â
Jungkook looked at Sewoon with discuss and took her arm off of him, paid for what he consumed and started to leave without saying anything else. Sewoon grabbed his hand but he quickly took it out. She looked so confused he started to laugh Â
âSewoon I- did you hear yourself back there? What does it matter if she gets laid or not? Why is that even on your mind? Aren't you worried about her? She left alone with someone neither you and I know. Are you-âÂ
âWhy do you care so much Jungkook. Seriously, sheâs an adult. If she left with someone was because she felt safe with that person. Iâm sure she isn't thinking about you or me right now.â she approached him more and touched his buff chest âwhy donât we do the same, hm. Let's leave, enjoy our night together. I missed you and I know you missed me too, let's -âÂ
âIâm not in the mood Sewoon. Honestly i just want to go home. This been a hell of a night and one to forget. Are you staying or want me to drop you off somewhere?â Sewoonâs face changed drastically. From a sweet and seductive expression to one Jungkook wasn't familiar with. He wasn't about to put up with it, so he said his goodbye and left on his motorcycle. Â
-----------
Meanwhile Y/n, after that little fight with Jungkook finally found Lisa resting near a wall outside of the club. âI was wondering if I had to go get youâ âsorry this guy messed with me and then Jungkook stepped in and it was a whole mess and -âÂ
âWait wait, Jungkook? A male name you say?â she teased Y/n while she sighed âyeah like I said long story.â They started walking until they reached Lisa's car and got in, when she asked âdo you wanna go to mine? Drink some wine, eat a lot of crappy food while you tell me all about this jungkook and what Sewoon has to do with it.â Lisa didnât have to wait for Y/nâs answer since her big smile said enough. When they got to her apartment, Y/nâs mouth dropped to the floor. It was such a big and nice apartment, so cozy and simple while hers was so small she could barely move, but was the only thing she could pay for. Â
Lisa went to grab two glasses and some rosĂŠ wine and ordered some Mcdonalds, then they sat on her comfortable white couch and y/n started to explain her situation.Â
âIt happened one day during winter. I had just started working at the coffee shop. It was very rainy and windy so it was almost empty, just two or three clients max. Sana, my work collegue, was on her break and I was organizing the cupcake counter when I saw this beatiful young guy walk in. I froze. I literally panicked Lisa, you have no idea. He was so gorgeous and I was full of flour on my clothes and face and I was alone at the time so i did what I do best, embarass myselfâ Talking about this Y/n could feel it like it was yesterday and smiled so lightly and genuinely. When was the last time this happened, she thought.
âPlease tell me you didnât say any jokes involving flour and cupcakesâ Y/n gave her a tiny slap in the arm and laughed. "Pff who do you think I am? No I didn't do that, I did worse. literally hid myself under the balcony right in front of him, stayed there for a minute until he made a noise with his throat and asked me if I lost something and needed help finding itâ Â
Right there Lisa couldnât control her laughter, placing her glass on the nearest table only to fall on the ground dying of laughter. Once it ceased she grabbed the glass of wine again, taking a few sips âyou are unbelieveable Y/n. Thank you for making me laugh so much today. That happens when you revolve your life around others you know? But please continue don't let me stop you. I like where this is goingâ she mocked again.
Y/n rolled her eyes. Never has she been more embarassed in her life. âYouâre supposed to make me feel betterâ she mumbled. âWell... After that, I got up so quickly that I almost fell. I apologized and said I dropped my earring and was looking for it. The best part? I donât even have holes in my ears. But he didnât say anything about it, pretty sure he noticed I was a nervous mess and dropped it before I could make it any worse. He gave me a big smile so I smiled back, asked him what his order was and then -" Suddenly you were interrupted by a knock on the door. Lisa got up and went to see if it was your order, got back inside with it and after settling everything on the table you started to eat. Never a meal tasted so good.
-----
A few minutes later Lisa speaks again âback to our convo, what happened? After you took his orderâ. Y/n sighed âyou love to know everything donât you?â she laughed âhe asked for a cupcake and hot chocolate. He was always very kind even when I was being so weird you know? But he got me so nervous I didnât want to have any more interaction with him so I tried to stall until Sana finished her break but she was taking so long and I noticed him taking some glances over, so I knew it had to be me. As I reached his table I tripped, leading me to drop the hot chocolate on him--- Gosh I shouldn't be telling you this. Youâre gonna tease me for the rest of my lifeâÂ
âNo wonder the dude got so hooked on you after. You did quite an introductionâ Lisa said cleaning the tears coming out her eyes from laughing. âPoor guy just wanted a cupcake and ended up getting a burnâ
âDon't even remind me. I thought it was it. I just burned a client and made a mess, I was sure I was gonna be fired. But Jungkook remained so calm, told me he was okay. I helped him and didnât stop apologizing to him, told him I was new in there but that was no excuse so if he wanted to talk to the manager I'd understand and offered to pay any sort of damage. You know what he did? Turns to me and says Iâm cute. I burned him and he called me cute. I lost itâÂ
âHe seems like an amazing guy Y/n. IÂ figure ever since that day he went back to the coffee shop ?â Lisa spoke softlyÂ
âHe did. After that incident I tried to avoid him so bad but he would always ask for me to Sana, leaving me with no other choice. We ended up getting close and I developed a huge crush on him that everyone knew about but himâ Y/n gaze turns sad remembering the day Jungkook and Sewoon met. Â
"So how did he meet Sewoon?â Lisa asked curious. âAt the coffee shop. She passed by to tell me that she got in the agency she wanted and then Jungkook walked in. She knew about him and asked if that was the one Iâve been talking about. Then I went to see what he wanted to get and he asked me about my friend so I introduced them. Didnât expect them to turn out a couple. Not like that . I think I was hoping that Sewoon would refuse, knowing that I had a crush on him and that we were quite close.â
âSo she knew and still went for him? That little bitch. I knew she wasn't as good as she seemedâ Lisa said irritated. âShe asked me. One night she appeared in my house and asked me if I still liked him. I was the one who told her to go for it.â Y/n said with tears already forming in her eyes. Lisa approached her and gave her the longest hug, patting her back. âstill Y/n, thatâs very low of her. Itâs girls code. Did you ever told her no?â Your silence was the answer she needed. âGod Y/n Iâm trying so hard not to diss you right now. When are you gonna put yourself first? When are you gonna stop behaving like someone else's puppet? Be honest with me, do you like your life?âÂ
That rang a bell in Y/nâs ears. No she didnât. She wanted to visit places, have fun, be herself, leave that place she called home and stop working in the coffee shop just to focus on her dreams. She was about to answer but Lisa got ahead of her. âYou know what? Take some days off. Letâs have a girls trip you and me. Iâm bored here and you need a way out of this whole mess. Itâs time for you to find yourself Y/n.â âI donât have any money for that Lisa. Itâs hard for me to pay the rent let alone go on a tripâ
âMove in with me. Itâs just me in here and as you see, this house is huge. And no one told you anything about paying. Pretty sure you donât remember but my dad works in an airplane company. Think about it.â Lisa exclaimed super enthusiastic Â
Before Y/n could answer, her phone started to ring. She looked over âJungkookieâ
âAre you gonna pick up?â
âNo. No Iâm not. You're right Lisa I have to start doing things for me. Put myself first" she looked over the window "About your idea, Iâm in. Book us a flight. Tomorrow morning Iâll talk to the my manager. I never took days of so it won't be a problem. Let's do itâÂ
" I knew you were gonna say yes. Get ready because this trip is gonna be life changer" Lisa said making a toast with Y/n. Here comes a new opportunity. You wouldn't less this one miss.
Not anymore
-------------------------------------
Tags: @esposadomd @joonlover1207 @eegyo @furrywonderlandwolf @minghaosimp @differentrunawayperson @nikkinikj @jksusawife
#jungkook#angst#bts#jungkook imagines#imagines#jungkook angst#jungkook x reader#bts imagines#jungkook x you#fluff#Romance#jungkook imagine#kpop angst#jjk#jeon jungkook
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yard work - chapter 11 (regina george x reader)
fandom: Mean Girls (all media)
pairing: Regina George x OFC/Reader
summary: You'd been in the same class as Regina George since kindergarten. You'd lived on the same street even longer. Once upon a time, when life was sandbox disputes and who got the swing first arguments, you'd even been friends. Now, in junior year of high school, you doubted she even remembered you. The same couldn't be said about you. You definitely remembered her.
chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3 / chapter 4 / chapter 5 / chapter 6 / chapter 7 / chapter 8 / chapter 9 / chapter 10 / chapter 12
Making the scrapbook was cathartic. Remembering the good times, the innocence of your childhood, was as much of a joy as it was painful. The pictures were all quite good quality since Abuela had had a film camera. Some photos had been taken with a digital camera, which had probably originally belonged to the Georges and ended up in your possession somewhere along the way.
Regina and yourself playing in the Georges' backyard and swimming in their pool, beaming smiles directed at the camera. You could almost hear the laughter. I miss when we used to be able to just have fun together like this. I guess it's a part of growing up.
Regina in a white frilly dress, carrying a small basket of flower petals, donning a crown of roses on her head. She was pouting, clearly unimpressed by the whole thing. You hadn't been at the wedding since it was a George event, but Regina's mom had been so elated her daughter had gotten to be the flower girl. I remember I was so jealous you got to go to a wedding and I couldn't. You hated it, though, which was funny. You used to leave the room whenever your mom insisted we watch the tape. I wonder if she still has it.
You sitting with Regina, hip to hip, on plastic chairs while a newlyborn Kylie slept in your laps. Regina, eyes stuck on her baby sister and a thoughtful look on her face, while you looked at the camera with a smile. She's growing up so fast. Don't think I don't know you care about her. There's gonna be a time you'll regret not spending time with her. I already feel it.
Mrs George, Abuela, Regina, Kylie in her mom's arms, and you grouped together at a parking lot. You and Regina had on little graduation gowns and had scrolls in your hands. Elementary school graduation. The summer before middle school. End of an era. I love your mom's clothes, they're so nineties. Does she still have those jeans? You should get ahold of them before somebody else does...
Remember when I sliced my hand open when we were peeling apples? That was a time for sure. I still have the scar!
You taped pictures onto the pages, wrote little things here and there, hoping the labour of your love wouldn't end up in the garbage. Or if it did, Regina would read skim through it first.
I think this album was the first time we agreed on music. Britney Spears really brought us together, huh? We even learned the choreography of Baby One More Time. Mrs George loved it. I bet there's a video of that somewhere.
Mostly the scrapbook was filled with anecdotes about your childhoods together. You did write a letter of sorts on the first page, regarding your intentions with the whole thing.
I made this for you to commemorate the good times we had. You know me regrettably well, so I think you know how I tend to hold onto things. I still have that gaudy pink Build-A-Bear you made me for Valentine's Day that one time. It's one of my most important possessions, only second to the memories we have together. You'll always be a friend to me, Reggie. If not forever, or from now on, then back then. I love you. Yours, Jorts.
You'd pretty much finished the whole thing by the end of the weekend. You spent Monday and Tuesday decorating the front cover, mostly because you purposefully put it off. You cut out letters from magazines and glued them there, painstakingly forming the words Reggie & Jorts. You'd tried to come up with something clever, but making a pun or a dumb joke felt like cheapening the whole album. A simple name made up for with fabulous decorations!
You weren't much of a painter, but you figured it'd be fitting if the album reflected its contents. It was fine if the roses you painted looked like a five-year-old did them. A good majority of the pictures featured you and Regina huddled around a crafts table, similar projects scattered all around you, young with clumsy hands but filled with artistic passion.
The album in itself was an earthy green colour, something Regina undoubtedly found ugly. The flowers brightened it up somewhat, but there was only so much ages-old acrylic paints could do. You outlined some with Sharpies. If you didn't know better, one could assume it looked like that on purpose.
You took it with you to school on Wednesday. You had it weighing your backpack down the whole day. You sweated under all your layers, and by the end of it, you were sure you were sporting some epic pit stains. Gross, but you were so nervous. You hadn't broken into anyone's locker in so long. And it was Regina George's locker.
You loitered around the hallways as they emptied out steadily, people heading home or off to extracurriculars. As you approached Regina's locker, you swallowed down your nervousness and got to work.
It wasn't hard. The combination locks were all old and weak, more of a formality than an actual barrier between one's stuff and a burglar. The lock clicked open easily and you wasted no time in stuffing your album inside.
"Hey!" Just as the resounding click of the lock going back into place came, a voice called out to you. "What are you doing with Regina's locker?"
"Uhh..." Gretchen Wieners stood at the intersection of hallways, hands on her hips and accusatory eyes burning holes in you. You made the swift decision that you did not have time for this. You booked it.
"Hey! Get back here!" Gretchen, surprisingly considering her heels, started after you. "What did you put in it? You cannot prank Regina, or- or, oh, was it a bomb?"
"It's not a bomb!" You shouted over your shoulder, sprinting towards the exit. The aggressive clacking of Gretchen's heels on the floors as she ran after you would surely haunt your nightmares. How could she even keep up with you?
"If it's not a bomb then what!" How was she closing in on you? It seemed like she was not even fazed by your little race, meanwhile, you were already winded. The exit was not that far away, but it felt like miles.
"It's Regina's business now! Ask her tomorrow at school or something!" The doors to freedom approached. "Stop chasing me!"
"Stop running!"
"No!"
You burst out and quickly hopped down the stairs, two at a time. Gretchen was still on your tail, but once she got to the top of the stairs shouted: "Karen! Tackle her!"
You hadn't even noticed Karen fucking Shetty. There was no not noticing her when the girl sprinted at you with perfect athletic form and squashed you like a linebacker.
You collided and flew into the snow. Better than the concrete of the footpath but it still hurt like a bitch.
"Get off of me!" You tried to get out from under her, but Karen was surprisingly dense. She was small but it was as if there were stones in her body instead of organs. "Fuck!"
"Keep her there, Karen, very good."
"Thanks!" Karen beamed, which was a much more common expression on her than the bloodlust she'd shown earlier.
"This has nothing to do with you." You snarled, still wriggling. "This is between Regina and me."
"Whatever's between Regina is between us," Gretchen said, all hoity-toity. "Now, tell me exactly what you put in her locker."
"A fucking photo album." You hissed, closing your eyes and clenching your jaw. What lie could you come up with? "Our families used to know each other. It's mostly pictures of her, so I just thought to... Return it."
"Oh, that's so nice!" Karen's hold loosened and you went to escape.
"Nuh-uh, not good enough." Just like that, Karen's weight slammed back down onto you. Your breath wooshed out of your lungs.
"What more do you want?" You wheezed out, getting sick and tired of this.
"Why was it in your possession?"
"I don't fucking know! It just was!"
"Hmm. And why couldn't you just give it to her?"
"You think that would've gone well, Gretchen? Seriously?" You turned your head with great effort, staring up at the girl. "Please, just let me go."
"I don't think I believe you." Gretchen squatted next to your head. "We're going back and checking it's what you say it is. And then you might be free to go."
"Fuck you." You hissed but made no move to book it when Karen hauled you up.
"That's not very nice." Karen pointed out.
"I don't want to be nice to Gretchen right now." You had no real issue with Karen, even if she had just tackled you.
"Oh, okay." You couldn't see her when she was holding your wrists behind your back, but you could imagine she was bobbing her head up and down like she was known to do.
You were walked back into the building, going mostly without a fight. Gretchen strutted along proudly as if capturing you was some great victory. Regina had trained her well. You weren't sure if that was impressive or just sad.
"Open it." Gretchen gestured once you were back at Regina's locker.
"I need my hands to do that." You helped out, smiling at Gretchen like she was stupid. Sputtering and offended, she instructed Karen to let go.
Instead of running like you should've, taking the chance you could get out if Karen didn't get a one-up on you, you obediently cracked the code again. Was it selfish that you kind of wanted others to know about you and Regina? Was it totally horrible of you to want to know it was real and have proof of that? Well, if it was, there was no helping it.
Gretchen snatched the album from the locker before you could even think to touch it. Karen sidled up to her, peering over her shoulder as she opened it.
You stood by, waiting for their judgement and looking at the ceiling. There'd been a water leak right there, based on the discolouration. Gross.
"You... You're J. J is for Jorts." Gretchen said. She sounded weird, like hollow or something. "J is for Jorts." She said again, breathy and disbelieving.
"What?" What the fuck was going on?
Karen spoke then. "She talks about J a lot. Like, a lot a lot. A whole lot." You nodded slowly as Karen went on. "J's like, her true love. It's so cute."
"J is not her true love, Karen! They are both girls." Gretchen pointed out. You had to agree. "Are they?" She looked you up and down judgementally.
"Yes. I am a girl." You said. It was true, you were female and around the age that it was acceptable to be referred to as a girl. Even so, it made you distinctly uncomfortable.
"Hmm." Gretchen didn't seem to believe you. Karen was busy cooing at the pictures of small Regina. It was sheer luck they hadn't bothered to read your writings.
"Look, can I go now? I know I'm busted, you're probably gonna confiscate the album, and Regina will never see it. Happy?"
"No. Karen, please put it back in the locker." Gretchen said, not taking her eyes off of you. Karen did as asked with a pout. "What is your relationship with Regina?" The album was back in the locker, but it hadn't been locked again.
"Nothing." And that was true. There was nothing there anymore.
"That's a lie and you know it. If you're J, then you've known each other at least since middle school. Based on the pictures, even longer."
"Who is J?" You asked in exasperation.
"Somebody who she has protected for years now. Somebody who is always better than we could ever be." Gretchen pointed between herself and Karen. "J is important to her."
"Okay, well, good for J, I guess."
"You're so infuriating." Gretchen sighed, pinching the skin between her eyes.
"You aren't the first to tell me that."
"Of course, because Regina has said that to you. Because you've known each other forever. Because you're J."
"Listen, I may look a bit butch, but I have a perfectly ordinary girl name."
"That is not the point!" She spoke fast and high-pitched. "You. It's you. You've been under our noses this entire time! Do you realize how much easier things could've been if you were around?"
"Excuse me?" Now, you were really lost.
"You're excused," Karen said cheerfully. You nodded to her in thanks.
"We could never be as good as you. It was like we were placeholders for the ultimate pretty girl she'd somehow let slip. And it's you. In a flannel and hoodie, ratty jeans, dirty shoes, no fashion sense to speak of. It's you." She said that last part with contempt.
You were reeling. Regina had talked about you to these two. Had compared them to you, cited that you were better. For years she'd done that. She'd never forgotten about you.
"Look, Gretchen, I'm sorry Regina's treated you badly." You'd lost the need to defend her, even still. Then again, even if you hadn't, there was little you could argue about with the two she'd tormented the most. "You can probably tell this is something Regina doesn't want coming out."
"What does that matter?" Gretchen asked, eyes far away and legs beginning to pace. "We could- could finally bring her down. Yes. We have J, we have everything she wants. She'll come grovelling."
You took a deep breath. You didn't feel angry, you were too tired to get angry at mean girls at this point. Besides, nobody could rile you up like Regina.
"You're wrong." You put it plainly. "What Regina's been doing to these people, to everyone around her, is wrong. But what I find despicable is how everybody is the same. I know her reasons, I can sympathise with her, but I can't say the same for you. So tell me." You paused to take a deep breath. "Why?"
"I'm not good at riddles, I'm sorry." Karen said, looking genuinely apologetic.
"It's okay, Karen, Gretchen can answer for you both."
"She deserves it." Gretchen said, steel in her tone.
"You sound just like Cady Heron and Janis 'Imi'ike. She hurt them too. What do you think ruining her life will achieve?"
"I'll be the new Regina George."
"Do you hear yourself? You still idolize her. If you're gonna be the new Regina George, it's always going to be a Regina George world. Don't you want to be Gretchen Wieners?"
"No!" She screeched. "Gretchen Wieners is lame, boring, too eager, a slut, desperate-" She took a deep breath.
"Okay." You said. "Why? Because Regina said so? Why would you believe her? She's just the same as you. Look," You pulled the album back out.
"Here we're in the Georges' pool. She would not go to the deep end. Y'know, she refused to even go in without those arm floaties for the longest time. Eventually, some boy made fun of her for them and that was the last time.
"And in this one we're driving back from summer camp. Regina was already tall enough to go without a booster seat, but I wasn't. She'd just thrown the biggest tantrum 'cause Mrs George didn't allow her to take off her seatbelt to sleep. She went out like a light, anyway.
"We're in Six Flags there. We'd just gotten those ice creams and you can see that Regina's isn't sticking to the cone all that well. Right after the shot, it just slid off. Regina was inconsolable. I offered her mine so we could share, and that seemed to be good enough for her but her dad was not having it. He threatened to take us home if she didn't stop crying right then, that it'd be all her fault that their whole family wasted money and time on this stupid trip. Eventually she calmed down and Mr George didn't have to drive us back."
You sighed. "I already tried this with Janis, in a way. I don't think Regina would appreciate me airing out her personal life like this, but... I don't know..." You closed your eyes for a moment. "I just want people to stop making things worse for her. She's been so wrong for so long, and I know I can't keep defending her, but I just don't think revenge will make her regret anything that she's done."
Karen hummed. "My auntie's been teaching me about karma. So, like, if she feels what she's made others feel, then won't that like... Fix her?"
"I don't want to hurt her." You said, resolute. "Maybe, it could be the most effective way to make her see her shortcomings. But I don't want to. I do not want to hurt her." You looked between the two. "And that's where we differ, I guess."
Gretchen didn't say anything, eyes glued to a picture from the Six Flags trip. Regina had mustard and ketchup smeared all over her face while she was holding a napkin to your lips, in the process of wiping your face.
With that, you snatched the album from her hands, deposited it back into the locker and slammed it shut. The lock clicked. Without a word, you began to talk towards the exit. Neither of them followed you or said anything to you.
You couldn't stop people from taking their revenge. You had done your best to be diplomatic. Evoking sympathy in hormonal teenagers wasn't something easily done, or maybe you were just shitty at it, but there was little else you could do. If you went ahead and retaliated, hurt them for hurting someone you cared about, the lines blurred.
You'd just be another mean girl.
Notes: Sorry for the delay! The next chapter will be the last one, unless I start rambling or something. After that, I'll do a less structured series of epilogues. Loosely related oneshots, that kinda vibe.
Also, my writing assistant stopped working in the middle of this, so if there's stupid typos I'll come fix them later.
I swear to fucking god if the taglist doesn't work I'll start breaking bones.
Taglist: @autorasexy, @wedfan2, @unadulterated-moron, @modernsapphicism , @9unknown0 , @sage-rose2000 , @massive-honkas , @nattys-swiftie , @likefirenrain , @luz-enjoyer , @dandelions4us , @natashamaximoff-69 , @alexkolax , @jareaul0ver , @here4theqts , @charleeeesworld , @natsbiggestfan1 , @brocoliisscared , @yellowwallflowers , @scarlettbitchx , @ayoungexwife , @cyberbonesworld , @syddie-reads , @screechcat , @theenglishswiftie , @gabby-duhh , @sweetmissnothing , @masterofpuppets-10 , @l1lass , @starved-mortal , @nothanksbye07 , @nenas19 , @jvuyii , @starry-night17 , @reneeswife24 , @glorioushamsterqueen , @krononan , @slug-on-bike , @rayisaknight , @chaseatlanticlover91 , @reginassweetheart , @mirage018
(this actually makes me angry. why. why doesnt it work. i type in the @ and then i type in the name and then it shows up in the lil' box and i click it but then it don't show up ;-;)
(this is cyber bullying. the cybers are bullying me.)
(anyway, if you want to be added to the taglist there is no gurantee if it'll work, but i'll add you if you want! just comment on this post :) if anybody has any ideas why it's like this, lmk!)
#mean girls#mean girls 2004#mean girls 2024#regina george#regina george x reader#regina george x you#regina george x oc#regina george x ofc#mean girls x reader#lesbian regina george#wlw#fic: yard work
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thereâs been lots of requests and comments so here it is PART 3!!! (SHEâS HERE first anon, hope you survived this long second anon and it was not a dream third anon, Iâm posting/making it now fourth and fifth anon)
some of you were going feral for part 2 so I hope this lives up the expectation đđ if not Iâm severely sorry
title: the dancer and the angel part 3
pairing: grayson hawthorne x reader
synopsis: grayson has just admitted to kissing lyra kane, the girl youâd been worried about, the girl that was stunning, the girl he said didnât matter⌠he chose her over you so now what??
parts: part 1 part 2 part 4
warnings: swearing, SPOILERS FOR TGG
a/n: okay so I hate switching POVs but I felt it was necessary here and I know the start is the same as the part 2 but in Grayâs POV but trust me there is lot more
tag list: @tornqdowarnings @whatsamongus @wish-i-were-heather @inmyheaddd @never-enough-novels @sweetlikeanangel @midiosaamor @sweetreveriee @emelia07 @f4iry-bell @zaraaaabear @thoughtdaughter3 @benny1989fredd @elysianwayy77 @maybxlle @sheisntyou @anintellectualintellectual @aleatorio1234 @adalia-jaycee @off-to-the-r4ces @lyra-kane @reminiscentreader @lyrakanefanatic @imaseabear @elizaa31
GRAYSONâS POV
Guilt has chewed me up and spat me out the whole walk back to our shared room. Thereâs a pulsating lump in my throat that aches relentlessly, reminding me of what Iâve done. I am a terrible person. I never deserved her and now Iâve done the worst thing I couldâve possibly done, that anyone on this whole planet couldâve ever done. And she will never forgive me for it. I wish there was a way to turn back time and alter certain events. As soon as the time machine is invented, no doubt by my very own brother Xander, Iâm coming back to moments before now to stop my idiot brain from-
I canât even think it. Maybe itâs because it makes it more real. Itâs like the last few moments of my life have been erased from my brain, itâs a blank canvas and I have no paints. I know what I did but I canât remember exact details. Still, I can taste her on my lips, an over sweet taste that was almost too sickly has now morphed into something bitter. Her perfume lingers on my clothes and adds to my ever growing headache. I donât want to smell her, I donât want the reminder of the awful human I have become. The monster that now inhabits my body, lives in my skin, breathes my air and poisons the people I love. The ones I truly love.
Y/n. At one point she was the only reason I was still existing, still carrying on. She somehow managed to give me the fight to keep carrying on. I got up most days because I knew I would get to see her face. And now Iâm going to throw everything away, our whole relationship. Everything weâve been through or planned to go through together. It will reduced to nothing in a few minutes.
Iâm outside the door, my feet have carried me here through muscle memory. I must go in, I must face her Iâm aware but Iâm afraid. Iâve never felt so pathetic. I wonder if she is still asleep. Though, I canât work out whether Iâd rather she be awake or asleep. I donât think I could bear to look at her angelic feature either way. Those wide eyes, round lips, heavenly- I canât bear it, Iâm going to lose her, all of her.
I fiddle around with the key, hoping the door will just never unlock so I donât have to face this. The mechanism clicks, mocking me. I step in silently and face the door to lock back up again. I donât understand why, I know Iâll be kicked out in a matter of seconds, what good will a locked door be? And yet Iâm still facing the door, fumbling with the key, my back towards her. Though I can hear her getting out of bed. Sheâs awake. My bodyâs immediate response is to go into a state of paralysis. I canât move as the guilt ridden cement hardens over my body, creating an outer shell of the cruel creature Iâve become. Her body is behind mine. I can feel her bright presence radiating her usual tentative nature.
âAre you okay?â I hear her whisper as she touches my arm so gently it stings.
It stings so sharply because I know what Iâve done. The shameful crime Iâve committed. I jerk away suddenly.
âAre you hurt?â she asks, deep concern in her tone.
It kills me. Itâs a poisoned dagger wedged deep within my heart, hitting every vital artery. Her voice is so soft, so melodic. She cares so much, too much and Iâm about to destroy it all. And as much as I could not say a word I couldnât live a lie, the guilt would eat me alive. How could I look her in the eye and tell her sheâd always been the only one when I know she hadnât? Sheâd already noticed earlier today my distant mood. She had always been observant, vigilant about those things concerning me and Iâd always been grateful. I wouldnât have that anymore. Lyra had been on my mind earlier and I couldnât tell her. Now she would realise.
âNo,â I reply.
My voice is unfamiliar to myself, itâs sharp and blunt. It sounds horribly harsh. I could feel it hurt her, the air ripples with a touch of dimness when I hurt her. Even with my back to her itâs obvious to me. I know her so well, too well and from this day on we might drift to perfect strangers. That thought hurts me more than anything.
âWhere have you been?â she says. Her voice so sweet, so innocent, cruelly naĂŻve.
I donât want to break her, I donât want to do it. It would be like smashing a glass ballerina. Something so beautiful, something so delicate should be preserved not purposely broken. I force my eyes to meet hers. I immediately regret it. The soft mellow colour all melts into one, clawing at my heartstrings and ripping the organ to shreds. Sheâs so beautiful. How had I ever looked at any other? How had I let myself?
Suddenly Iâm drowning in guilt. I donât know how, it just comes over me suddenly. Like a tidal wave I had my back to. Iâve been swept under by an endless ocean of shame. My lungs swollen full of my own black sin. I donât know how but I manage to choke out two shaky words.
âIâm sorry.â
My voice cracks. My voice never cracks. She knows that. Iâm sturdy, Iâm strong, Iâm the rock that never breaks and here I am. Here I am crumbling into dust. Sheâs too smart to miss the signs, sheâs too clever not to immediately know something so horribly wrong, her mind is too sharp not to have worked half of it out. Sheâd already been suspicious of Lyra. Sheâd already seen what might happen between us even before I did, before it did actually happen.
âGray?â she asks, my name sounding too sweet on her tongue. The next time she says it will taste bitter, Iâm sure of it. She barely whispers the word but I hear her, it rings in my mind. It forever will.
Iâm full of pure regret and guilt, it wracks my soul, shaking me relentlessly back and forth until Iâm dizzy with it. Remorseâs doors suddenly burst wide open, ready for my grand entrance. My hopes and dreams snicker and smirk smugly as I walk down the runway, my head hanging in embarrassment.
I need to tell her. My heart races in my chest and thereâs a lump stuck in my throat, so large itâs started to block my airways. I donât know how to get the words out, I donât know how to talk. I feel like Iâm suffering some sort of aneurysm. She looks at me, her eyebrows pinched in and eyes narrowed and then I see it. Her eyebrows part and slowly sink. She knows already.
âTell me,â she murmurs, her voice of an angel shaking.
I close my eyes, trying to suppress the tears. I havenât cried in years Iâve forgotten this feeling, this heavy weighted agony that ripples through me causing water to infiltrate my eyes. I bite the inside of my cheek and still my shaking hands.
âIâm sorry,â I tell her, an uninvited raw desperation ripping through my voice, âI never wanted to hurt you, I never meant for it to happen, I-â
âTell me,â she grits through her teeth sharply, her eyes glitter so beautifully fierce and fiery, like she wants to kill.
But I know sheâs trying to steady her rising sadness by covering up with her fury. I can see through her, like she can see through me. I freeze and the pause elongates. The aching silence is deadly, itâs fatal. I wish she didnât have to make me say it.
âI kissed her,â I murmur, the words making me feel sick as I say them.
âWho?â she asks, he tone low and ferocious, âwho did you kiss? I want to hear you say it.â
Iâm twisting a knife into her heart and I know it. But she wants me to cut deeper. Sheâs a woman of principle, Iâve already hurt her, I might as well do the job properly in her eyes. And I canât deny her this. Not Iâve stripped her of her dignity, her trust, her love, her everything.
âI kissed Lyra,â I whisper, suddenly aware of the dampness on my cheeks.
A sour taste fills my mouth. The words send lightning sparks across my jaw, sending ribbons of agony down the sides of my face. The truth hurts. Literally. Tears are rolling the side of my face, but I donât bring my hand to wipe them and nor do I stop them. Iâve never felt more broken.
But she doesnât care, there is not pity in her eyes. Good. I donât want he to pity me. She should hate me. She should want me to miserable and hope for me to have a lifetime of the torture Iâve just forced her to endure.
âGet out,â she murmurs, the anger bringing out her natural stunning features. A flicker of boldness in her eyes, the striking angles of her eyebrows, her strong thick lashes and her full lips.
âIâm sorry.â theyâre the only words I remember how to say, through my internal fit of torment.
I expect her to hit me around the face, a good strong punch I know she can make or a sharp smack thatâll leave a red hand mark pressed against my cheek. I imagine she might scream at me and ask me all the questions I wish I had answers to. But she does none of that. She only looks at me darkly and utters two last words.
âLeave Grayson.â
I can hear the tears sheâs trying to hold back, through the numb façade. I know her better than sheâll ever realise. But itâs not fair for me to stay, not after this. Sheâs only asking one thing of me when she should be doing so much more. So I do. I turn my back on her again. And I leave.
***
Tears pummel down my cheeks like never before. I canât remember the last time I cried. I donât think Iâve ever cried like this. Iâm blinded by them as I stumble sideways. I donât know where Iâm going. I stand on the edge of the cliff and sink to my knees, letting out a loud guttural scream. Iâm there until my throat is so raw I canât feel it. I bite my lip so hard it draws blood. And then Iâm up again and running, following a path my footsteps are dragging me towards. I canât think straight, Iâm dizzy with pain. Before I know it Iâm outside the safe house on the island. My hands tremor on the handle and I swing open the door, falling to the floor for my sobs to take me over. My chest aches and burns and tightens. Thatâs when I realise I canât breathe properly. I fumble around for my phone, a tear splashing into the illuminated screen. With uncontrollably shaking hands, I typed no words. Just three numbers.
911
***
The wait feels like years, maybe even decades. Each second taunts me, with a mocking tick. Iâd crumbled into the corner of the room at some point and stayed there, curled up and choking on my own sorry sobs. What had I done? What had I done? What had I done?
The question circles around my head like the nostalgia of a distorted tune of a merry go round. Iâve never made such a big mistake and my life and deep down thereâs a sinking sensation that is telling me Iâm not going to be able to make this better. I sob, loud harsh sobs that hurt my lungs and knock the air out of my stomach. My whole being shakes with every strangled noise that escapes my lips. Grieving. Iâm grieving over something I chose to throw away. Itâs cruelly ironic. But I think part of me is also grieving the good man I once thought myself to be, that she made me believe I could be.
I turned my back on the one and only person in this world who just cared about me, took me for who I am and believed I could do anything. She only wanted the best, she only wanted happiness and she deserved so much more and here I am, stabbing her in the back and dancing in her blood like a madman. She was my everything and I managed to mess it up, just like everything else in my life. I canât have normal relationships, I canât do something without messing it up. Iâm one big screw up the opposite of how the old man raised me to be. Heâs looking down on me now and I can feel his disappointment, like an infection coursing through my bloodstream. I failed him, I failed my brothers, Iâve failed her, Iâve failed myself.
She thought I was better, she believed I could be more than his expectation. And I was stupid enough to believe it, encourage it and let her belive the lie too. Weâre all idiots.
I can recite her favourite song, her favourite flower, her favourite food and favourite colour. I can tell you all about her favourite novels and how she orders her books on an endless bookshelf. I know that she tells people her favourite film is âitâs a wonderful lifeâ but itâs actually secretly âtangledâ. I know she prefers to stay inside and cuddle under blankets rather than have a night out. I know sheâd rather reason a thousand books than watch a thousand movies. I know she wanted a library in her dream house and two, maybe three children with her husband and I know sheâd sometimes debate about getting a cat as well. I know how she loves brownie batter more than the actual brownies and canât sleep with any lights on. I know she still uses the bunny rhyme to tie her shoelaces and how she fiddles with her collarbone when sheâs nervous. I know exactly what diamond she wanted in her engagement ring and her favourite country. I know what people she despises and I know what people she adores. I know every inch of her face, every hair on her head, every sparkle in her eyes and every cell on her skin.
I know her.
I know her, but that canât help me now. Pain ripples across the left side of my chest and my hand clamps over it as I grit my teeth to try and bear it. I hear the door creek open and canât tell whether it comforts me or not.
âGrayson pookie!â Xander calls out, âweâre here.â
His cheerful voice doesnât provide me with the cushion to this pain I thought it might.
âAnd we have some in incredibly strong whisky,â Jameson adds, I can here the mischievous grin in his voice, itâs been the same all of his life.
âMy nose hairs are officially burnt off,â Xander agrees.
I canât speak. I try to call out for them but the words die in my swollen throat.
âWhere are you Gray?â Nash calls out, he sounds a little more worried than the other two but is concealing it well.
âHere,â my voice is hoarse and laboured, even I canât recognise it.
The mood immediately shifts, you can feel it. The air becomes tainted with concern as their footsteps approach my cowering figure. The case of whiskey is dropped as there is an audible thunk as it hits the floor. I can feel their bodies enveloping around mine creating something of a circle of safety. I look up to worried face and shiny eyes.
âHelp me,â I gasp for air, greedily trying to gulp down the oxygen that I feel so deprived of, âplease.â
âWeâre here to help you Gray,â Nash murmurs softly. His voice had always been something comforting, especially when I was younger. I wonder if he will be so kind when I tell him what Iâve done. Heâs going to hate me, thereâs nothing he despises more than a man who canât respect a woman.
I shake my head and choke out another struggling sob, instead of the words I donât know how to say. Jamesonâs eyes flit between mine and Nashâs, the concern rippling across his features. Heâs never looked this concerned for me in his life. I think to all the times as children Iâd helped him settle after a nightmare and wiped his tears that he hated falling when the old man had humiliated him. Oh how the tables had turned. Now it was my little brother wiping my tears.
âWhatâs wrong?â he asks, his touch so gentle it shocks me.
âI canât-â I barely get out, wrapping my hands around my neck.
âGrayâŚâ he trails off, unmasked emotion hitting his face like a train.
âI canât breathe,â I wheeze as the invisible blanket that was set out to suffocate me tightens over my nose and mouth.
âHey, Gray, look at me,â Nash says, his voice smooth and reassuring, âin and out okay, in and out.â
âI canât,â I pant, my limbs shaking embarrassingly uncontrollably.
Xander takes both of my hands into his and squeezes them until they still, âyes you can, follow Nashâs instructions okay?â
âSlowly, do it with me,â Nash nods, âin through your nose and out through your mouth.â
I do. In and out, a rhythmic pattern. Each time Nash reminds me how to breathe. Thereâs an aura of calmness about his voice that lulls my panic into a narcoleptic sleep. Once my breathing is halfway regulated I look at him, dead in the eye, with shaking sorrowful lips.
âI fucked up,â I sob, âI fucked up and I donât know what to do.â
They all share a look, this is the worst state theyâve seen me and we all know it. I begin to pathetically sob uncontrollably once again, the feelings building up in my chest and tearing me apart from the inside out. Itâs like a rabid pack of wolves had been set loose to feed on my internal organs. I donât know how to stop the ocean of tears, I donât know how to shut my mind off, I donât know how to help myself. Reel myself in from this abominable mess Iâve become. Iâm hyperventilating, my chest throbbing up and down unevenly. Nash nods towards Jameson, a short, soft, sharp nod of approval.
âHey! Calm down!â Jameson snaps, giving me a hard slap around the face, âsnap out of this!â
The shock shuts me up and the sting stops my tears. Iâm back to reality instead of a wallowing mess. Nash mustâve been approving the slap I realise in the sudden cleared head Iâd obtained
âSorry,â Jameson mumbles at me, looking a little guilty.
I massage my jaw, âno I think I needed that.â
He grimaces and then softens his tone, âwhat happened Gray?â
I tense, growing very still, âI canât say it out loud, I canât, Iâm awful, Iâm horrible-â
âWhat happened?â Nash drawls.
I choke out yet another unnatural sound. Seems the slap didnât snap me hard enough into reality. I exhale slowly. I have to say it, now or never.
âI kissed Lyra.â
The words hurt even more this time, that they did when Iâd admitted it to y/n. Neither one of my brothers can mask their honest reaction.
âOh fuck,â Jameson blurts out, âyou cheated?â
Anger. Heâs fuming with me. I can see the rage trailing through his eyes and blossoming into his expression.
âI didnât mean to,â I reply, feeling like a small child.
Jamesonâs eyes widen and fury flashes across his face, âhow can you not mean-â
Nash shoots him a look and his mouth glues shut. Then he turns to me and I canât quite read him yet. I gulp.
âNo one does that kind of thing for no reason,â he says sternly, âI never thought youâd be the one of the four of us to ever do that, seems I was mistaken little brother.â
Disappointment. Heâs disappointed. A horrible sinking feeling settles in my stomach. Nash is disappointed in me. Itâs one of the worst feelings imaginable. There had only been few times in my life when he had been and I remember the feeling all too well. Shame has me in a chokehold an itâs succeeding in strangling me. I canât bring myself to meet his eyes, I donât want to see that look I can feel is on his face, that look of pure disapproval.
âHow did she find out?â Xander asks quietly.
Shock. He hadnât said anything until now, but his lips had been slightly parted and heâd paled a little. He never thought Iâd do this to anyone, heâs yet another person Iâve let down.
âI told her,â I murmur, âthe guilt was consuming me.â
âAs it should,â Jameson snaps, twitching with a fiery ferocity.
âJamie,â Nash says, trying to keep some kind of diplomacy.
âNo,â he growls, âyou donât do that to a girl, your girl, you canât do that!â
âDonât take the moral highground now,â I spit.
âWhen youâve cheated on your girlfirend? Yeah I think I will,â he replies, the bitterness rolling off of his tongue like a deadly poison. He doesnât know Iâve already poisoned myself with my own actions, his words canât hurt me.
âI didnât mean to,â I falter.
âBullshit,â he grits through his teeth, in two definitive and threatening symbols.
âCareful Jamie,â Nash warns.
âAll this is your fault anyway,â I continue, ignoring the warning.
âSo itâs my fault, you kissed another girl, yeah, okay Gray,â he nods his head with a sarcastic smile.
âIt is!â I exclaim, throwing my hands in the air, âif you hadnât locked me in a room with her-â
âSo itâs my fault you couldnât keep up dick under control,â he quips, interrupting me.
âYou couldâve locked me with my one of my sisters but of course you just had choose the only girl who isnât related to me,â I seethe.
âOdette isnt related to you,â Xander pipes up. Iâd forgotten he was there, that anyone besides me and Jameson were there.
âOdette is old enough to be my grandmother,â I scowl at him, immediately feeling bad as the words leave my lips, but donât dwell on it as I turn back to Jameson, âwhy did you make me a player in your sick excuse of a game?â
âYou canât use the game as an excuse,â he laughs darkly.
âI will,â I reply sharply, âthis is your fault and Averyâs fault too.â
âAvery? Donât make me laugh,â he rolls his eyes.
âThe game never shouldâve been created by her,â I yell, âthatâs why Iâm in this mess!â
âNo, youâre in this mess because of you,â he shouts back, âbut donât you dare bring Avery in to this itâs not her fault.â
I feel like Iâm one of those circus acts, the ones that lay on a spinning board and get knives hurled at them. Only in my case the knives are the truth and they actually hit me.
âWhy did you make me a player?â I ask quieter now, my voice hoarse, âwhy?â
âI didnât know making you a player would result in this,â he says.
âIt was so irreverent,â I snap becoming angrier by the second, a sudden burst of red overriding any rational sense in my head, âI never needed to play.â
âYou canât pin this on me Gray, if it didnât happen with Lyra, who knows who else it wouldâve happened with,â he hisses.
âSo you think Iâm just like this? You think this is me?â I ask him, prodding the hollow space where my heart used to be.
âI didnât beforeâŚ.â he trails off, sighing, âbut now I donât know what the fucking think of you.â
âJamie,â Nash repeats again, in the same warning tone as before. We both ignore him.
âJust because you and Avery are all peaches and roses-â
âLeave Avery out of your anger issues,â he roars defensively.
âNo,â I counter, raising an eyebrow, mirroring his usual argument demeanour, âyou think youâre so perfect now youâve got your dream girl and the two of you are so much better off than the rest of us, because your love is undeniable or whatever bullshit people feed you about it-â
Jamesonâs features twitch for a split second. Heâs hurt, but wonât show it. Heâll refuse but I know that it hit a nerve that wonât heal for a long time. I stop mid-sentence.
âI am far from perfect, I think we both know that,â he says, in a low voice, âlook youâre hurting, I get it, but Iâm not going to mollycoddle you and tell you itâs okay when itâs not. Iâm not going to stand here and lie to your face because as your brother that would be the worst possible thing for me to do to you.â
âMy brother would try and understand what itâs like from my side,â I say, desperation clawing at my voice.
âYouâre looking for a fight Grayson and itâs not going to end well, not with me,â he warns, shaking his head.
âMaybe I do want a fight, but you know you do too,â I growl rolling up my sleeves, âso fine, Iâll give you a fight Jamie.â
âI donât want a fight, I want some justice for y/n,â he states simply, âshe did nothing to deserve that Gray, sheâs been so good to you, the sweetest soul on this earth and sheâs helped you through a lot of shit and this is how youâre repaying her?â
âJameson,â Nash says.
He ignores him for the third time and I can see his calm facade beginning to drop, âyou think because you called a 911 and youâre here crying that I should feel sorry for you?â
âI thought you were going to be here for me,â I reply numbly, my tone dead, âclearly Iâm mistaken.â
âI canât be there for someone with no morals,â he replies, âyou cheated and youâre the one whoâs upset about it, how do you think she feels?â
âYou think I donât know her?â I fire back, my throat burning, âyou think I donât know exactly what sheâs doing right now? I hate myself, I hate myself for doing what I did!â
âGood you should!â he screams back.
Before I know it I feel myself charges towards him, ready to throw a good punch but Nash and Xander launch onto me to quickly and managing to hold me back. Nashâs grip is so tight I donât dare try and budge.
âOut. Now.â Nash says sharply to Jameson, âgo and cool off.â
His tone sends a shiver down my spine that I wonât admit to. Jameson opens his mouth to argue.
âJameson.â
He skulks away, with a sullen face. We all wait frozen until the door has been slammed shut. Nash lets my arm go, dropping it harshly and Xander follows suit.
âAnd youâre no better,â he turns to me, placing his cowboy hat on a nearby surface, âIâm only sending him away because you canât be left alone in this mess and so the two of you donât rip each other to pieces.â
Silence stills the room. His voice echoes but makes no sound all at the same time.
âTake a second, take a breath and weâre going to talk this through like adults,â he says, âif you want to carry on being a child then leave. Calm down, youâre not a toddler having a tantrum, youâre a grown man, act like it.â
Nash has a way of snapping me back to reality. I nod shakily.
âTalk.â
I begin, âI donât even know why I kissed her, I didnât mean to it just-â
âHappened?â he guesses, âno little brother, that doesnât just happen.â
âThe I donât know Nash,â I say, tipping my head back and resting it on the wall behind me.
I hadnât meant for it to happen. I didnât want it to happen. It just did. She was there, just stood there. Her hands looped naturally around the back of my neck, warm and gentle, âsomeone sent me that ticket Grayson. I thought it was Avery but if it wasnâtâŚâ
She trails off, her voice small and tentative. Her golden eyes filled with the utmost worry. I wanted her to know sheâd be okay, that sheâd have someone to keep her safe. Her arms get more comfortable around my neck. Sheâd felt it too, the electrifying spark between us. It was exhilarating but something about it was off, synthetic.
âThen who the hell was it?â I questioned, my hands magnetised to her cheek all of a sudden.
Lyra didnât pull away and neither did I. I lower my head and she raised onto her toes and titled hers back a little. She was graceful, like a dancer. My lips brushed over hers. They were sweet like honey. For the first few moments it was bliss and the realisation hit, like a stone to my stomach. I jerked backwards suddenly, shaking my head.
âI canât do this,â I said, my fingers trying to wipe her taste off of my lips, âI donât- this isnât-â
I was tongue-tied, not able to explain to her how wrong it was. The words wouldnât work the way I wanted them to.
âGray?â Lyra murmurs, a tender voice. Her amber eyes are widened and slightly confused.
âNo,â I yell. She flinches and another wave of horribly strong emotion rushes over me, drowning me. âNo Iâm in love with someone else. I donât know what that was. I canât-â
I stumbled backward a few steps and the turned around and ran. Like the coward that I am.
âIt did just happen,â I murmur, lifting my head from the wall to look my older brother in eye, âI swear to god, I didnât intend for it to happen, I didnât even know I had feelings for her.â
I can see he disagrees still and isnât convinced. I donât know how to prove it to him.
âLetâs establish one thing here, who do you like?â Xander asks me.
âI like Lyra,â I say slowly, âbut I love y/n.â
Nash shakes his head, âif you loved her you wouldnât have done that.â
âI made a mistake,â I press on.
âAnd you will pay for it and regret it for the rest of your life,â he shrugs, âitâs not what you wanted to hear but itâs the truth. Listen, I love Libby and loving someone means so many things. One of those things is that I donât even look at other women, to me they donât even really exist. Libby is my world and no one else even comes into the equation, so the fact is someone else came into the equation for you, meaning the love wasnât there.â
âBut it was, I felt it,â I say, my voice breaking as I press my chest.
âWhat do you feel for Lyra?â he asks plainly.
âI donât know, sheâs intriguing and smart and beautiful,â I murmur, âand I like her, but I donât know if I have romantic feelings for her.â
âThen why did you kiss her?â
âComfort? Lust? Greed? Selfishness? I donât know it just happened,â I repeat for what feels like the hundredth time.
âStop using that phrase as a get out clause,â Nash shakes his head, âyou have to admit to yourself more than anyone that this didnât just happen.â
âI leaned in and I put my lips of hers, and I didnât stop it, it didnât feel wrong straight away,â I admit out loud finally.
âIt didnât?â Xander says, looking wounded.
âNo, it didnât feel wrong until I realised what Iâd done,â I say, looking down, suddenly finding my shoelaces to be the most interesting thing in the world.
No one replies for a long while. Thatâs when I realise how exhausted I truly am and how much I crave sleep.
âI vouched for you,â Xander says quietly, âI told her that youâd never do that, that you werenât that guy.â
âIâm not,â I say, in denial at first. I take a moment to analyse his sentence and then come to a sickening realisation, âoh my god I amâŚâ
âShe was already anxious about where your loyalties were Gray,â he winces.
âI proved her right, I proved every worry she had right, I just proved to her that she shouldnât have trusted me,â I spiral, hating that I hadnât seen it sooner.
Xander looks to Nash for support for a reply.
âYeah,â Nash sighs, âyou did.â
âI need to fix this, there has to be a way-â
âGrayson,â the acuteness of his voice cuts through my sentence like a machete.
I freeze and clamp my mouth firmly shut.
âThis isnât a broken vase, you canât glue it back together or buy a new one,â he tells me softly.
He was referring to a time where Jameson and I had been seven and eights years old. Weâd been brawling of course, Hawthorne style and accidentally smashed a vase. Usually it wouldnât matter, there were vases all over Hawthorne House and they were smashed frequently. But this wasnât just any vase. It was nanâs priceless vase that had belonged to her daughter, our grandmother, Alice. We were never allowed within a five mile radius of it, but like the rebellious children we were, we didnât listen. Through our fight weâd smashed the whole thing, it was truly destroyed. The two of us stayed up for nights on need gluing together the pieces only to realise it was never going to look like the original again. So weâd hunted to buy another, problem was, this vase was one of a kind. It turned out after four weeks or trying to ship a similar one in that nan had known the whole time. She didnât speak to either of us for a good few months.
âThis is real life, she is a real person and you hurt her,â he explains, âfixing this isnât an option. There isnât a way to fix it, there are no pieces to our back together, okay?â
Iâm silent but itâs the loudest voice in the room. My face pinches together in agony. For the first time, a little of the disappointment fades and my brotherâs face softens. He wraps a strong arm around me and I flop into him like a lifeless bag of nothingness. I bury my head into his shoulder and try to cry but there seems to be no tears left. He understands and holds me for a moment. Suddenly Iâm six years old again and crying in Nashâs in my arms over Jameson hiding my favourite teddy bear at the time, then Iâm eleven in his arms with pneumonia after being stupid enough to get caught in the rapids un the dead of winter wanting a good photograph of a rare fish, then Iâm seventeen, crying over a redheaded girl who I thought Iâd managed to murder. And now here I am, at twenty-two years old in his grasp once again, having made the greatest mistake of my life.
Suddenly I feel another set of arms wrap around the both of us.
âGroup hug!â a familiar voice sings.
Leave it to Xander to make me crack a half smile in the darkest moments Iâve ever experienced. After a while I pull away and sigh.
âDo you think sheâll ever forgive me?â I ask, pulling away.
âHonestly?â Xander asks.
I nod
âNo,â he says. I wish I could see that little glimmer of a lie in his eyes, but I canât. And it kills me.
âThink about it like this,â he sighs, âwould you forgive Eve for what she did?â
âThis is not the same thing,â I reply coldly.
âEve cheated your trust, she betrayed you,â he explains gently, âthatâs exactly how she feels.â
Dread fills my every pore as I murmur lifelessly, âIâm as bad as Eve.â
âNo wait,â he says, looking guilty and panicked all at the same time, âthatâs not what I meant!â
âI know,â I reassure him so some of his guilt subsides, âbut itâs true and now Iâve just realised.â
âLook Gray, you arenât Eve. Youâre never going to be Eve, but think of how you felt then. Thatâs how y/n feels,â Nash soothes, âsheâs not going to just forgive you, thatâs not how it works.â
âYou just broke her heart Gray,â Xander adds, careful to keep his tone as light as a feather, âfor a girl you just met.â
âWhy am I horrible person? Why do I always find a way to mess to something good?â I groan, smacking my head on the wall behind me. Thereâs an audible thump as pain spreads through the back of my skull. I wonder if I can concuss myself to forget all of this, but I donât attempt the idea.
âYou donât-â
âNo I do,â I say firmly, cutting him off, âIâm not meant for love, to love or to be loved, Iâm not built for it. Iâm not a good enough person for it. Iâm never going to find my Libby or my Max or my Avery.â
âGrayson-â Nash begins.
âEmily knew it and now so does y/n,â I snap.
My brothers still at her name, not moving a muscle. I never bring up Emily.
âListen to me,â Nash says sharply, getting my attention, âyou are meant to be loved. You are meant to love. I love you, Xander loves you, Jameson loves you and y/n loved you tooâŚâ
The change of tense makes my soul ache.
ââŚbut this time around, you made a mistake, a costly mistake. But that doesnât mean you donât deserve love.â
I nod numbly, robotically.
âWhat can I do to make it up to her?â I ask, my voice beginning to tremble, âto show her Iâm sorry? Something there has to be something.â
Nash gives me a grim look and Xanderâs face remains blank, theyâre the only answers I need. My head sinks into my hands. The door reopens and I look back up. Jameson has returned.
He meets my eyes, âAveryâs with her.â
Blood surges through my heart and I can almost smile. He checked on her. For me.
âIs she okay?â I ask quickly.
Jameson looks at me and for a split second I almost see the ghost concern is his eyes. He shakes his head softly, âno, but she will be,â he replies, itâs an attempt to comfort me and I am grateful.
âThank you,â I mumble.
âIâm not apologising for what I said, because I still stand by it and you wonât change my mind,â Jameson says, âbut I am sorry for being so angry about it.â
âYou were right,â I whisper, âyou were right about me. I never deserved her, so was nothing but an angel to me and I just turned around and threw it all away. I abused the luxury I had, I stabbed her in the back and then gifted another with the knife, Iâm a horrible person.â
âWhat you did was wrong, but thatâs doesnât make you a horrible person,â he sighs, âyou need time Gray, this is going to take a lot of healing. On both sides.â
âI donât deserve to heal, I deserve to be in pain,â I murmur, the dullness in my tone echos around the empty walls.
âOh no, weâre not going back to emo Grayson,â Xander says quickly, shaking his head.
âI agree with Xander on this one,â Nash nods, readjusting his cowboy hat.
âI donât want to hear you blasting my chemical romance at three a.m and then denying it later again, you came out of that phase weâre not going back there,â Jameson tells me.
I bark out a laugh that thaws my icy chest. I then bite the inside of my cheek.
âI canât fix this, can I?â I say, looking at the ground,
Nash shakes his head softly.
âBut that doesnât mean you canât be fixed,â Xander says.
âYouâll get through this Gray,â Jamie agrees, âI know it.â
The room grows still.
âCan we drink that whiskey now?â I ask, to cut through the silence. I feel like getting drunk, I feel like I need some relief.
âBig brother,â Xander nods at Nash handing him the bottle.
âLittle brother,â he tips his cowboy hat in reply before taking the bottle into his hands and cracking it open.
âLet me pour these things properly,â Nash grins, âJamie, come help.â
âWait me too!â Xander jumps up,
âStay with Gray,â he shakes his head.
âI donât need to be babysat,â I grumble, annoyance written all over my face.
âI want to watch them pour whiskey properly,â Xander explains, âso I can impress Max.â
My eyebrows fly to my forehead, âMax drinks?â
âNo I want to impress her though,â he grins.
âYouâre an odd human,â I almost laugh, tilting my head to the side.
âWhy ta very much!â he says, almost skipping away.
Once I know theyâre all gone, I lean back on the wall, my heart feeling a tiny bit less heavy. The pain isnât gone. I think Iâve just gone numb. I feel hollow, empty, nothingness. Guilt is still gnawing at my insides but slower. A satifying clink against the fragile rim of the glass takes me out of my own head for a split second. There are hushed voices from the kitchen, I notice. I walk over to the door that lay ajar, I lean in to listen.
âWe need to tell him,â it sounds like Jameson.
âNot now,â the accent indicates Nash.
âThen when?â Xanderâs voice asks, âhow long can we prolong it.â
âI can hear you,â I tell them, raising my voice a little.
They turn to face me, awkwardly remaining silent. The expressions on their faces donât offer me comfort.
âWhatever it is, spit it out,â I say, âitâs not like tonight could get any worse.â
They share a look. Apparently it can. I feel sick to my stomach.
I can barely breathe, âwho died?â
âNo one has died,â Xander says quickly, âyet.â
âWhat?â I say, my tone deadly,
Nash glares at him, then turns back to me. Thereâs sorrow laced delicately, deep within his hazel irises.
âGray,â he says gently, âGray we hate to do this butâŚâ
âWhat? What is it?â I ask urgently.
âGigiâs missing.â
The words shock me to my core. I feel my throat begin the close up as panic returns with a smirk and triumphant greeting. My whole world has collapsed in less than 24 hours.
***
YOUR POV
I donât hate him. Call me naive or call me stupid. But I donât. I donât think I ever could. The kind of love I have for him is unconditional, irrevocable. Time canât heal a wound this deep and although it is still fresh now, I can tell. But if he were to say sorry I think I would forgive him every time. And if he asked me back Iâd fall into his arms into an instant. And I hate myself for it, itâs stupid and itâs a little cruel. How easily I would take him back after what he did. I know I shouldnât but something inside of me is drawn to him. Like an invisible magnet has been planted in our hearts. I wish I didnât love so hard, fall so deeply, maybe I wouldnât get hurt so badly. But itâs in my nature, itâs who I am. I wonder if he knows how much pain Iâm in, the rippling agony that rolls across my chest relentlessly with no hint as to when it will cease. Iâm tired of being the second choice but unfortunately I wouldnât mind being his. And I know itâs completely stupid of me to think that way, completely wrong but love makes you do stupid things so they say. I sit on the beach, by the sea in a state of numbness. Silent tears roll down my tears as the waves lap my feet. Deja vu washes over me and the memories of Grayson and I the night of the game flash through my mind.
I grip his hand and run with him as he guides me the just beyond the shore. He sits down swiftly on the sand and pulls me down to sit between his legs. I lean my back onto his chest and let him nuzzle his face into my collarbone.
âI love you,â he whispers, kissing my neck, âonly you.â
Only me, huh? Only meâŚ
The waves crash against the rocks, hurtling a salty spray towards me. I hear footsteps and turn around. Avery stands there, a mournful expression over her delicate face. She knows. I stumble towards her and collapse into her arms in a fit of uncontrollable sobs now and she holds me. Her touch is gentle and warm but itâs nothing compared to his. I realise he might never hold me in his arms again and I cry even harder.
***
I donât hold Lyra accountable. She is not to blame. Some girls in my position might dream about different ways to brutally murder her but I can only ask what comfort would it bring me? My feelings are already dead, what good is more pain doing?
There was a choice that Grayson Hawthorne was given: his dancer or his angel. He chose his dancer and I hope heâs happy. Because angels have wings and we rise up stronger.
idk guys I think I wrote Graysonâs POV really awfully to be honest⌠also I feel like the 911 meet up was not like their normal ones where they try and like do something (e.g drink or dare) and then talk about the pain but thatâs bc Grayson was in such a mess and then they had to drop the bomb that Gigi was missing. so anywayyyssâŚ
I am sorry this took so long and I hope it lived up to any expectation you wanted it too (sorry if it didnât) and I hope you enjoyed đ¤đ¤ thanks for reading as always
TIG masterlist
#bella writes đ¤#the inheritance games#tig#tig fics#tig fic#tgg#tgg spoilers#the grandest game#grayson hawthorne#the brothers hawthorne#the final gambit#the hawthorne legacy#lyra kane#lyra catalina kane#grayson tgg#graysonâs pov#grayson hawthorne x you#grayson hawthorne x reader#grayson hawthorne one shot#grayson davenport hawthorne#hawthorne brothers#jameson hawthorne#xander hawthorne#nash hawthorne
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Part 4: Warning Bells
Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10
I don't think I can do this again (do you remember it too?)
(In which a self-admittedly all over the place writer takes you on a bit of a rollercoaster)
Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd
Themes: Fluff, Angst, Pining (the usuals)
Words: 6.1K
TW: Swearing, Mentions of Divorce
A/N: Hi lovelies :) Guess who made a deadline again? I'm as shocked as y'all are but I do wanna just warn y'all that August is gonna be really busy for me so as much as I'm gonna try to stick to schedule, there's a pretty good chance I won't. I really appreciate y'alls feedback with live-reacts/long reviews and it's truly the motivating factor behind my writing so pretty please keep sending them. I did edit (as usual) but please let me know the most likely existent typos anyway. As always, let me know what you liked, disliked and what you wanna see next. Have a lovely rest of your week my loves <3
March 2033Â
Hereâs what Azzi has learned about motherhood: having kids means that there will come many times in your life, when you will look around you and wonder how the hell did I get here. Itâs that thought thatâs currently plaguing her as she finishes hanging up the WELCOME HOME banner on the living room wall in her ex-girlfriendâs new apartment. And when sheâs talking about kids, sheâs not talking about her five year old whoâs currently sticking purple hearts on every surface she can find. No, sheâs talking about her 6â5 teammate who sheâd once âadoptedâ as a joke in college, but whoâs basically become her surrogate child ever since theyâd ended up on the same WNBA team.Â
It had started as a casual conversation when Jana, as she often did, had shown up for an impromptu lunch. The topic of Paige was hard to avoid considering it was Stephieâs favorite subject, heightened by the fact that Paige was coming back soon and Stephie was far too excited to finally have her Miss Buecks back. Jana was more than happy to indulge the little girl in conversation about what Paige had been like at UConn. And if Azzi had lost herself in those memories for a moment, transported back in time to a world that had once been blooming with promise before wilting in a darkness sheâd created herself, well, sheâd done an excellent job not letting it show on her face.Â
The real issue had started when Jana had casually let slip her idea of surprising Paige with a little welcome party. And as Stephie had started reciting all the different things they could do -because of course me and Mama will help you Aunty J, Azzi had glared at Jana, only to receive an innocent smile in return that told her everything she needed to know. Sheâd been set up.Â
Thatâs how, instead of spending her Saturday curled up on her comfortable couch with a book in her hands, Azzi is here instead and in true fashion, sheâs the only one actually getting anything done. Jana, who had just left about twenty minutes ago to pick Paige up, had invited some of the other girls on the team to come help out yet, something about more hands on deck. Those supposed helpful hands had spent the last hour blowing up and popping balloons and getting nothing else done.
âI canât believe yâall have me decorating for the woman who cost me my first national championship,â Joyce laments, âI still have nightmares from that game.â
âYou gotta let that hurt go Aunty Joy,â Stephie says impishly, mimicking what Jana would normally say whenever the infamous 2025 South Carolina vs UConn national championship got brought up.Â
âDonât sass me Miss Stephanie,â Joyce sticks out her tongue at the little girl, throwing a purple balloon at Stephieâs head, âhasnât your Mama taught you that we donât mock peopleâs pain.â
âIgnore her Steph,â Tessa says, bumping her former Gamecock teammate as she shares a devilish grin with Azziâs daughter, âsheâs just upset she only won one. Some of us have two.â
Joyce guffaws, throwing another balloon, this time aimed at Tessa, âdude weâre supposed to be on the same team. What would Coach Staley say to you teaming with UConn people of all things to bully me?â
âSheâd thank me for making sure you didnât get a big head,â Tessa snipes back.Â
Whatever response Joyce has to that quip is cut short by the doorbell ringing and Azzi feels her heartbeat quicken as Stephie lets out a squeal, dropping everything to go answer it. Things had been different since the facetime call almost two weeks ago. Theyâd accidentally on purpose settled into a routine where Stephie would call Paige at exactly 7 p.m. and Paige would answer on the first ring, promising to stay on the phone till the little girl fell asleep. And it wouldâve been fine if thatâs all it was. But then Paige started staying on the phone till after Stephie fell asleep and suddenly it was like they were back to their teenage selves, talking about everything and nothing, trying to learn every page of each otherâs story all over again.Â
Azzi had missed so much about Paige in the last couple of years but there was nothing sheâd missed more than just talking to her best friend. Sheâd missed the way Paige would tell a story, going off on a million tangents in between. Sheâd missed the way her eyes would light up when she got to a particularly exciting part of the story, specks of gold shimmering in the blue like sunlight hitting the ocean. Sheâd missed the way Paigeâs hands would be flying animatedly all over the place, even when she was whispering. Sheâd missed the way the blonde would pause halfway through to observe if Azzi was still listening, making sure all of the attention was still on her. And sheâd missed the way that when it was Azziâs turn to speak, Paige would hang onto every word like it was gospel, intently listening like sheâd never forgive herself if she couldnât recite everything Azzi had just said from memory. Sheâd missed the way Paige would let her emotions freely flicker across her face, because whatever happened to Azzi, Paige felt it too.Â
Sheâd missed and missed, convinced the pain would be the end of her, until sheâd tricked her mind into forgetting. And now Azziâs beginning to realize that remembering it all again, might just be the thing that kills her.Â
âNevermind,â Stephie walks back to the room, sulking slightly, âitâs just Aunty Liyah.â
âOh thanks Stephie babe. That makes me feel so wonderful,â Aaliyah says, walking in behind Stephie with an offended expression on her face, âand here I thought bringing cupcakes would make me popular.â
âTell me those are store-bought Chavez. I ainât trusting them if you made them yourselves,â Joyce says, side-eyeing the cupcakes.Â
âTrust me I would never waste my precious time baking for yâall ungrateful ass-â
âAaliyah,â Azzi shoots her younger teammate a sharp look.
â-ungrateful people,â Aaliyah corrects sheepishly, âcupcakes because yâall clearly donât appreciate me.â
âI pre-ciate you Aunty Liyah,â Stephie says innocently, trying to get a better look at the aforementioned cupcakes, âyou got the pu-ple ones right? They have to be pu-ple for Miss Buecks.â
Aaliyah bends down to Stephieâs level to show her the box of sweet treats âthe perfect purple cupcakes for your Miss Buecks. How come you never wanna do nice things like this for us Stephie?â
âBecause Miss Buecks is special,â Stephie retorts matter-of-factly.
âOh so weâre not special?â Tessa asks, raising an eyebrow at Stephie.
ââCourse you are but Miss Buecks is special-er.â
And while her teammates all pretend to dramatically gasp at that, shaking their heads at Stephie, Azzi feels like someoneâs squeezing her heart, twisting and twisting but never fully breaking it. She wonders if that might hurt less.
Itâs another 10 minutes later when the doorbell rings again and Azzi watches her daughterâs face break into an incandescent grin, filled with hope, as she rushes to open the door because it has to be Paige this time. Azzi follows after her, trying to keep her breathing under control as anticipation clings to her nerves. Azziâs gotten so spectacularly good at lying to herself that she tells herself this next one with ease: thereâs not a single part of her thatâs eager to see Paige again.Â
âSURPRISE,â Stephie screams, flinging the front door open with as much strength as she can muster. She doesnât give Paige a chance to react before sheâs throwing herself against the blondeâs legs, hugging her thighs.Â
It takes a second for Paige to register whatâs happening, but when she does, itâs Azzi sheâs looking at. Everything seems to move in slow motion as they stare at each other, the reality of the moment suddenly settling in. Paige is here. In Oakland. Theyâre going to be teammates; theyâre going to see each other almost every day. Just like they used to. Except nothing is like it used to be and as that bitter truth comes up like bile in Azziâs throat, she has to force herself to look away.Â
âMiss Buecks,â Stephie calls out, tugging at the hem of Paigeâs white shirt to get her attention, âdo you like my surprise?â
Paige tears her eyes away from Azzi, leaning down to pick Stephie up before peppering her faces with kisses and making the younger girl squeal in delight, âbest surprise ever.â
And Azzi really, really, canât watch this. Not when it makes her want to walk over and cocoon herself in with the two of them, makes her want to pretend that sheâs living in another life, one where she hadnât thrown away the chance of a happily ever after with the girl sheâd fallen in love with at fourteen,Â
âOh yeah Stephie, your surprise. Take all the credit. Not like the rest of us did anything,â Joyce rolls her eyes goodnaturedly, before pulling Paige into a one-armed hug, âwelcome to the Bay Area Bueckers.â
Tessa and Aaliyah are next, both sharing warm hugs with their new teammate. Once theyâve had their turn, all eyes seem to turn to Azzi expectantly and the brunette blanches under their gaze. Other than Jana, who suddenly seems pretty heavily interested in the doorframe, the rest of her teammates donât know about her past with Paige. So itâs only natural theyâd expect her to greet Paige with all the cordiality of an old friend.Â
âYâall good?â Joyce asks slowly, looking between the two of them, âdo you want me to introduce yâall or?â
âShut up,â Azzi murmurs before drawing in a deep breath and stepping towards Paige. She tries not to fixate on the way Paigeâs jaw flexes when the blonde swallows, tries not to think about all the patterns sheâd once carved against that little patch of skin because she knew it drove Paige insane. The thing is Azzi canât even really remember the last time they hugged beyond a for-the-cameras one at a game. But as she wraps her arms around Paige, the older womanâs breath tickling against her ear as she grips Azziâs waist, it doesnât feel that much different from how it used to be. Paigeâs arms are still safe and strong and Azzi still wants to melt into them. But whatâs different is that Stephieâs in between them now, tiny hands securely fastened around both of their necks. And Azzi almost, almost gives into the feeling of belonging as she whispers two simple words that mean just a little too much.
âWelcome home.â
***
Seven pairs of eyes watch as the movers move box after box after box into Paigeâs apartment, until thereâs more cardboard than floor visible. The three non-UConn girlies are wide-eyed as they watch the pile grow endlessly. Meanwhile Jana is laughing while Azzi tries to hide a smile behind her hands as the realization that sheâd have to unpack all of her stuff hits Paige in waves, and her expression grows more and more somber. Once the movers are finally done, itâs Stephie, whose hand is still firmly clasped in Paigeâs, who breaks the silence.Â
âYou have a lot of things Miss Buecks,â the little girl crinkles her nose, as she points out the obvious, âdo you really need all of this stuff.â
âOf course I do Stephie,â Paige says indignantly and Azzi scoffs, earning her a withering glare from the blond.Â
âAight well it was nice to meet you-â Joyce starts, slowly backing away from the mess until Jana blocks her way.Â
âOh no you donât. I told yâall we were all gonna help her move in. Call it team bonding,â the Egyptian says, her voice vaguely threatening.Â
âMost of the team isnât even here,â Aaliyah points out cautiously.Â
âThatâs not the point,â Jana rebukes, âalright team listen up. Hereâs how this is going to go-â
âMaybe Paige should take charge. It is her apartment,â Tessa says slowly.Â
âIf we put Paige in charge sheâll tell us all to go home and procrastinate doing anything until after the season,â Azzi says, a knowing smirk playing on her lips.Â
Paige pouts, âhey! Iâm not that bad.â
âOh you absolutely are.â
âAm not.â
âAre too.â
âO-kay,â Jana claps, breaking apart the bickering, âitâs good to see the two of you are apparently younger than Stephie,â she holds up a hands a both Paige and Azzi start to splutter in their defense, ânow as I was saying before being rudely interrupted. Weâre gonna split this up. Joyce and I are gonna do the living room. Aaliyah and Tessa, yâall are gonna fix the guest room. Which leaves,â Jana smiles, and itâs only because Azzi knows her so well that she can read the menacing sparkle behind it, âPaige and Azzi to tackle the master bedroom.â
They both open their mouths to protest but are quick to get cut off by an excited Stephie, âIâmma help Mama and Miss Buecks!â
âOf course you are, why would you ever help anybody else? Clearly you donât love us anymore. Not since your precious Miss Buecks got here,â Joyce says dramatically and while Paige smirks and the rest of the girls pretend to act mock offended, Azzi uses the distraction to sidle up to Jana.Â
âWhat the fuck are you playing at El-Alfy,â she hisses under hear breath.
Jana shrugs innocently, âthe master bedroom is the hardest because Paige has so many fucking clothes so Iâm letting yâall old heads do it. Some of us are below 30 ya know.â
âCut the bullshit,â Azzi snaps.Â
âI have absolutely no idea what youâre talking about Fudd,â Jana says airily as she starts to unpack a box, leaving Azzi muttering curses under her breath.Â
âHey-â
Azzi spins around at the soft voice, only to find herself crashing against a solid body. Itâs instinct, the way Paigeâs hands immediately reach out to steady her and itâs instinct, the way Azziâs hands grab at the lapels of the blondâs shirt. Goosebumps trails up her skin as Paige's breath, hot and heavy, fans across her face. Theyâre too close; way too close and yet the idea of stepping away feels like a sin. Azzi gulps as her thumb accidentally brushes Paigeâs collarbone and the other woman shivers under her touch. She thinks she could probably get drunk off the feeling of knowing that she can still affect Paige like that.Â
âYou uh-â Paige swallows, fingers squeezing involuntarily against Azziâs hip, âyou donât have to listen to Jana. I can- I can figure it out myself.â
âN-no,â Azzi stutters and she wonders if Paige feels a high from the way she still affects Azzi too, âthereâs um- you have- uh- you have a lot of stuff. I can-,â she sucks in a deep breath, âIâll help.â
âYou sure?â thereâs a vulnerable edge to Paigeâs tone and any resolve Azzi could ever have melts immediately.Â
âI want to help,â she says softly, letting a small smile slip onto her lips.Â
The smile she gets in return is bright and sparkling, just like Paige herself and Azziâs heart lurches, pleased to be the one receiving it, pleased to be the one whoâd elicited it, âGood, cause I really wanted your help.â
Azzi shakes her head, trying to ignore the warning bells blazing in her head at the fact that theyâre still holding each other, âwhyâd you pretend you didnât?â
âI just wanted to hear you say it first,â Paige says, biting at her bottom lip. It leaves a light mark and Azzi finds herself wanting to soothe it over with her own tongue.
She thinks it might have been easier if it was just a little harder to fall back into Paige. It shouldnât be so simple to fall back into late night conversations, so simple to fall back into easy teasing, so simple to fall back into feeling at peace in Paigeâs arms. But it is.Â
âMama, Miss Buecks,â itâs Stephie who breaks their bubble but instead of jumping away from each other like they should, they step apart only enough to let the little girl into the space between them, so she can lace her hands through both of theirs, âare you ready?â
âBefore you go Paige,â Tessa calls out, holding up a clear bag of corner guards and edge protectors, âwhat are we doing with these?â
Paige shuffles her feet nervously, âyou um- you put them on the edge of like tables and stuff.â
âBro but theyâre for people who have children?â Joyce says, giving Paige a weird look, âyou have a kid we donât know about?â
Paigeâs eyes flicker to Stephie for a brief second and Azzi freezes, a warm realization tickling up her spine. Butterflies erupt in her stomach, their wings fluttering to the beat of whatâs mine could have been ours.Â
âOf course not. Iâm just super clumsy so precautions and all that,â the blond explains, shooting Jana a glare when the taller woman barely masks a giggle, âquit procrastinating by asking all these questions and get to work.â
âHas anyone ever told you the importance of first impressions? Because Iâm telling you Bueckers, using your teammates as unpaid labor the first time you meet them is not it,â Aaliyah gives Paige a pointed look.Â
âThis wasnât even my idea in the first place,â Paige defends.Â
âTrue,â Tessa nods with a sickly sweet smile, âbut youâre gonna pay for the pizza anyways.â
âIâm not pay-â
âPIZZA,â Stephie squeals, âMiss Buecks youâre gonna get us Pizza?â
âYeah Miss Buecks,â Azzi smickers, crossing her arms as Paigeâs stubborn retort dies on her lips, âyou gonna get us pizza?â
Paige glares at her before sheâs swinging Stephie up onto her lap again. And she really needs to stop doing things like that because itâs not remotely good for Azziâs mental health to watch the way Stephie seems to fit perfectly in Paigeâs arms, âof course I am Steph, what do you want?â
The two of them are lost in their own world discussing pizza toppings as Paige starts walking over to the master bedroom, until suddenly they're both turning around, looking at Azzi with identical expressions. And the brunette feels her heart tap out this could be my everything against her ribcage.Â
âYou coming Azzi?â
âMama, are you coming?â
Iâd go anywhere with the two of you, Azzi thinks as she nods her head, a light skip in her step as she moves to catch up with the two of them.Â
âOf course Iâm coming.â
***
Less than 10 minutes into trying to unpack, Azzi realizes that sheâs the only one trying to unpack anything when she looks up from where sheâs been folding t-shirts -trying and failing at not breathing in their familiar scent- to find Stephie decked in a colorful cardigan that goes all the way down to her toes, her feet clad in a pair of PB4âs that must be three times the size of her own shoes. A pair of Louis Vuitton sunglasses hide almost her entire face as she strikes pose after pose and Paige diligently takes pictures of her.Â
âYES Stephie,â the blond indulges, âwork it girl. There you go babe, hold that pose for me. Youâre a natural in front of the camera.â
Stephie giggles and Azzi feels her heart constrict. Her favorite sound in the whole world has never sounded more like a signal for danger.Â
âAhem ahem,â she coughs, narrowing her eyes at the two people in front of her, âdoesnât look like yâall are unpacking to me.â
âMama Miss Buecks has so many pretty clothes,â Stephie gushes, completely ignoring what her mother just said.Â
âTheyâd look even prettier folded in her closet,â Azzi says pointedly.Â
Stephie pouts, âyou donât think I look pretty?â
âYou look really pretty in my clothes Stephie,â Paige cuts in, tapping the little girl on the nose before she turns her gaze towards Azzi, âjust like your Mama used to.â
The silk material shirt slips out of Azziâs hand as Paigeâs words drizzle around her, like the rain after a drought. It takes every little bit of strength she can muster to force herself to ignore Paigeâs words and pick up another shirt to fold even if she canât stop the rouge tint that colors her face. Thereâs this part of her thatâs been dormant for years but every little interaction with Paige threatens to awaken it and Azziâs scared that if she lets that happen, sheâll never be able to put it to sleep again.Â
âJust- just focus on unpacking,â Azzi mutters darkly.Â
She spends the next hour or so, keeping her eyes downcast, her complete focus on the task at hand. Because if she looks up, if she lets herself see the way Stephie and Paige are folding clothes together while giggling about something, if she lets herself see the way Stephie climbs onto Paigeâs back so the woman can give her a piggyback to the closet to deposit the folded clothes, she thinks she could fall in love with this moment, capture it behind her eyelids and let it live there forever. But this moment doesnât belong to Azzi. Because Paige doesnât belong to Azzi. Not anymore.Â
Azziâs taken away from her thoughts when she feels a tiny hand wrapping around her neck from behind, Stephieâs warm body pressing against her back and just like that, all the tension in her muscles seem to dissipate.Â
âWhatâs up sweetheart,â she asks, turning her head to press her lips against her daughterâs temple.Â
âNothing Mama,â Stephie says sweetly, âjust wanted to give you a hug.â
âSure youâre not just trying to get out of helping Miss Buecks unpack?â Azzi asks slyly, pulling Stephie from behind her, so the little girlâs lying on her lap instead. She can feel Paigeâs eyes focused on the two of them and even without looking, she thinks she knows what sheâd find in them if she did.Â
âOf course not Mama,â Stephie grins and then squeals as Azzi begins to tickle her.Â
âI think you are,â Azzi sings-songs as she continues to poke at her daughterâs stomach, reveling in the way it makes the child laugh.Â
âN-no Mama stop, stop,â Stephie manages to wrench herself out from Azziâs grip, darting to hide behind Paigeâs legs, âMiss Buecks save me.â
âThereâs no saving you now Stephie-bear,â Azzi roars dramatically as she picks herself off the floor, smirking at her daughter as she wriggles her fingers menacingly.Â
âYou know what the best way to stop someone from tickling you is Stephie?â Paige says slowly, sending the little girl a conspiratorial wink.
âDonât you dare-âÂ
âYou tickle them back,â Paige yells and Stephie eyes widen with excitement, âdid you know your Mamaâs extremely ticklish?â
âPaige no,â Azzi starts moving back, hands held in surrender.Â
âYou started it.â
âYeah Mama, you started it.â
âPaige. Stephie. Ple-â Azzi cuts herself off with squeal as two sets of hands start mercilessly prodding at her ribcage. She canât get away, not when Paige has her securely wrapped from the back and Stephieâs pressed against her front, both of them laughing maniacally. Theyâre a mess of limbs thatâs becoming harder and harder to tell apart as the three of them topple onto Paigeâs bed. And Azzi thinks maybe she doesnât want to escape it at all. She thinks sheâd like to freeze them in this moment instead. Forever.Â
âPizzaâs here,â someone yells from the living room and itâs Stephie who stops first, immediately jumping off the bed at the mention of food, leaving Paige and Azzi alone. On Paigeâs bed. Barely an inch of distance between them as they try to catch their breath. Itâs Azzi who sits up first, smoothening the wrinkles on her shirt. And just as sheâs about to stand up fully, she feels a hand circling around her wrist.Â
âItâs gonna be weird being alone tonight,â Paige confesses softly and Azzi feels her breath hitch.
âDidnât you live alone in Dallas? At least after the divorce?â she tries to keep the bitterness out of her voice at the last word, a bitterness she knows she has absolutely no right to feel.Â
Paige shrugs, her shoulders brushing against Azziâs, âI did but I knew Dallas. I donât know this place.â
âWhat exactly are you asking me?â Azzi asks even though she knows.Â
âIâm not asking you anything. I donât know if I have that right anymoreâ Paige says softly, letting go of Azziâs wrist as she starts to walk towards the living room, turning her head back slightly once she gets to the door, âIâm just telling you I donât wanna be alone tonight.â
***
Damn Paige Bueckers and her vulnerable eyes and her earnest tone because Azzi would, really, really like to be enjoying her slice of pizza right now. Instead everything tastes like ashes as Paigeâs unsaid plea rings in her head. There are so many reasons why Azzi absolutely shouldnât give in, why she should grab Stephie, get into her car, drive home and never look back. This involuntary dance the two of them are starting is far too familiar to what theyâd done when they were teenagers and the vivid memories of the day the music stopped and theyâre feet stopped moving still haunt Azzi every time she lets herself think of it for a little too long. And she shouldnât push herself into this fire again, not when thereâs Stephie to think about, but thereâs a tiny little problem. She thinks she might be addicted to burning in Paigeâs flames.Â
So when the pizzaâs done and the house is more or less in order, and her teammates are ready to leave, looking expectantly at Azzi, she finds herself leaping into lava, âum- I think Stephie and I are gonna stay for a little bit longer.â
âWe are?â Stephie asks, a huge smile stretching the length of her face as she looks up at her mother.Â
âYeah. Um- Paigeâs bedroom still um- still needs some work,â Azzi tries to justify her decision, ignoring the heat of the blondâs eyes that seem to be perpetually stuck staring at her.Â
Joyce raises a perplexed eyebrow, âit looked done to me.â
Paige clears her throat, âthereâs definitely uh- a couple more things that need to be handled.â
âItâs almost Stephieâs bedtime. I could stay and help-â Jana begins, eyeing the two of them suspiciously.
âNo,â Paige says, a little louder than necessary, âI mean youâve already done so much for me today Jana,â she manages a smirk, âlet Azzi pull her weight a little bit too ya know.â
Janna narrows her eyes but doesnât push it. Itâs oddly domestic, standing side by side with Paige bidding goodbye to their teammates, Stephie in between them happily waving at the people that are leaving. The warning bells get louder and louder; Azzi continues to do nothing to stop them.Â
âMama, how long are we staying?â Stephie asks innocently.Â
âWe um-â Azzi chews at her lip, finally giving into the temptation to look at Paige, âweâre gonna stay with Miss Buecks tonight so she doesnât feel alone.â
The shrill scream that escapes Stephieâs mouth could probably break glass as she turns herself around to grab at Paigeâs waist, âMiss Buecks Iâm gonna stay with you! Weâre gonna have a sleep-over.â
Paige laughs, kneeling down so sheâs face to face with the little girl, âyeah we are.â
âAre you scared to sleep alone too Miss Buecks?â Stephie asks cautiously, cupping Paigeâs face with tiny hands.Â
âJust a little bit,â Paige admits, leaning into Stephieâs touch.Â
âMe too,â Stephie whispers shyly, âthatâs why I sneak into Mama's bed and she gives me lots and lots and lots of cuddles. Mamaâs cuddles are the best,â she turns to Azzi, âMama will you give Miss Buecks cuddles tonight too?â
âI uh-â Azzi swallows, taken aback by the question, âI thought you didnât like sharing Mamaâs cuddles?â
âI donât,â Stephie agrees, âbut Iâd be okay sharing them with Miss Buecks.â
***
Azzi had planned -a loose term because really she hadnât planned on any of this- for her and Stephie to take the guest room. Paige had been ready to give up her own room on the grounds of politeness. And Stephie was insistent that she needed to sleep in between both Mama and Miss Buecks tonight because itâs a sleepover we all have to stay together. Obviously out of the three of them, only one of them was going their way and it didnât take a genius to figure out who that would be. Â Thatâs how theyâd ended up here, dragging chairs and pillows and blankets into the middle of the living room to create a makeshift fort.Â
Azziâs putting on the finishing touches, stringing purple fairy lights Paige had produced out of nowhere, when Stephie emerges from Paigeâs bedroom where sheâd gone looking for something to wear in lieu of pajamas.Â
âMama look what I found,â Stephie beams, proudly pointing at the black t-shirt sheâs found that covers her whole body, âitâs you and Miss Buecks when you were littler.â
Itâs their SLAM cover t-shirt and Azzi feels tears prickling at her waterline as sheâs met with the picture of a younger version of the two of them. Back when theyâd been so hopeful and carefree, ready to take on the world as long as they could do it together. Back when theyâd been 2 in a million.
âI canât believe you still have this,â Azzi whispers, unable to stop herself from running her fingers across the version of who they used to be. She wonders what those girls would think of them now; those girls whoâd laid and bed and pinky promised forever. She thinks theyâd probably be appalled at the fact that Paige and Azzi had spent eight years barely speaking. She thinks maybe theyâd hate her for what sheâd done. She thinks maybe she hates herself a little bit for what sheâs done to them.Â
Paige is leaning against the wall, her voice quiet when she speaks, âI couldnât let it go.â
And they both know sheâs not talking about the shirt.Â
âCan we watch a movie?â Stephie asks, diving into the fort and peering up at the two adults.Â
Paige recovers first, âyeah- yeah of course Steph,â she looks at Azzi, âdo you- do you want something else to sleep in?â
âIâm good,â Azzi says, trying to inconspicuously brush away a rebellious tear. The shirt sheâs wearing feels itchy against her skin but she doesnât think she could handle wearing something of Paigeâs. She scooches into the fort, leaning back against one of the pillows and Stephieâs quick to curl into her and Azzi absentmindedly rubs her hands down her daughterâs back. Paige switches on the TV, letting Stephie dictate a movie choice before letting herself into the fort, laying down on Stephieâs other side.Â
âMiss Buecks come cuddle,â Stephie demands from where her head is laying on Azziâs chest. When Paige hesitates, the younger girl takes it upon herself to pull Paigeâs arms over her, making the older woman lie on her side so she can drape her hands over Stephie's stomach, accidentally brushing against Azziâs ribcage. Stephie lets out a satisfied sigh, lying back down against Azzi, crossing her arms so she can hold Paigeâs hand with one and latch onto her mother with the other.Â
âPerfect.â
And it is. The sound of Stephieâs chatter slowly fading away mixed with Paigeâs quiet breathing is the perfect lullaby and Azzi finds herself drifting off into the best sleep sheâs had in years.Â
***
Sunlight peeks in through the window and Azzi groans at the interruption. Her whole body feels a little stiff, not used to sleeping on the floor like this. A quick glance at her phone tells her itâs 7 a.m. and Azziâs just about to let herself fall back asleep when her eyes land on the two sleeping figures next to her. Stephieâs face is buried in Paigeâs neck, one arm slung over her waist. Paige, mouth slightly ajar as she sleeps, has both hands fastened on the younger, holding her tightly against her chest like sheâd fight the world if someone tried to steal her from her grip. They look happy, content, at peace. And Azzi canât breathe.Â
The warning bells in her head create a cacophonous commotion that she can no longer escape. It hits her like whiplash that she canât do this. She doesnât know what had gotten into her last night, why sheâd agreed to this, to any of this. But she canât do this.Â
âStephie,â Azzi whispers urgently, trying to pull her daughter out of Paigeâs grasp, âStephie wake up.â
âAz?â Paige asks groggily, stirring in her sleep, âwhatâs going on?â
âWe need to go home,â Azzi says and she canât bear to look at Paige.Â
âWhat?â Paige is far more awake now as she glances at her phone, âitâs 7 am Azzi. Whatâs the rush?"
Azzi ignores her, still trying to wake Stephie up who groans, âMama too early.â
âSteph-â
âAzzi,â Paigeâs voice is firm as she wraps her hand around Azziâs wrist, slipping Stephie off of her, âwhat is going on.â
Azzi grits her teeth, ânothingâs going on. We just need to go home.â
âAzzi-â
âWe shouldnât have stayed last night Paige,â Azzi bursts out and Paige freezes.Â
âCome out of the fort Azzi,â the blond says, her voice eerily calm as she stands up. Azzi follows after her, heart beating rapidly against her chest as she tries to keep the tears at bay.Â
âWe need to go home,â the brunette repeats, struggling to breathe, âthis was a mistake,â Paige flinches and Azzi feels a knife turn in her own hurt, âwe canât do this.â
âDo what Azzi?â Paige asks exasperatedly, still trying to keep her voice low for Stephieâs sake.Â
âThis,â Azzi all but shrieks, throwing her hands up, âitâs too much, too quick and Stephie- Stephieâs getting attached and I canât- I canât let that happen.â
âWhy not?â Paige argues stubbornly.Â
âBecause these last two weeks she couldnât fall asleep without you on the phone. Because youâre all she talks about sometimes. Because sheâs gonna want you forever,â Azziâs voice breaks, âand she canât have you forever.â
âAz-â
âAnd youâre getting attached too. I see the way you look at her and itâs amazing but itâs not- itâs not sustainable Paige. For either of you. Because youâre gonna find someone soon,â the words taste sour on Azziâs tongue, âand youâre not gonna have time for her and missing you is going to kill her and the guilt of that is going to hurt you. Iâm trying to pro-â
âDonât you fucking dare,â Paigeâs voice is hard now, eyes gleaming with fire, âyouâre basing all of this on a hypothetical that might not even come true. Youâre not protecting anybody. Youâre projecting.â
Azzi reels back, âI am not projecting.â
âYes you are,â Paige hisses, âyouâre not scared of Stephie or me getting too attached. Youâre scared of yourself getting too attached.â
âMama? Miss Buecks,â Stephieâs tired eyes look warily between the two of them, âwhatâs going on?â
Azzi plasters a smile on her face as she picks up her little girl, trying to pretend that the truth in Paigeâs words havenât just made her feel hollow, âweâre going home Stephie.â
âI donât wanna go home,â Stephie fights against Azziâs grip, looking helplessly at Paige, âMiss Buecks I wanna stay. Can I please stay?â
âYou have to listen to your Mama sweetheartâ Paige says softly, heartbreak written over her face as she moves to press a kiss against Stephieâs knuckles, âbut Iâll see you soon okay. I promise.â
âMiss Buecks,â Stephie whimpers and Azzi has never hated herself more as she rushes out of Paigeâs new house, willing herself to not look back. She buckles Stephie in the back, pretending she doesnât see the way Paige is watching them leave from the porch, like sheâd do anything to stop it. And then she drives away.Â
It isnât until sheâs safely in the confines over her own room, that Azzi finally lets the tears fall. And she consoles herself with the fact that itâs okay to crack her daughter's heart, to crack Paigeâs heart, to crack her own heart, if thatâs the only way she can stop their hearts from breaking altogether.
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A Letter From Your Future Spouse
â˝ââââââââââââââââĽ
1 -> 4
Cupid's Services Cupid's Master List Socials
Tips appreciated!
C@sh app and P@ypal only!
$minnieplant3
@janellec03
LOVE U
- Cupid đĽ ࣪ ἍáĄęâ࣪.
︝ăâä¸ âŽ â Ë。𦹠â・°âŠ
Pile 1- Four of Wands, The Fool, Page of Swords, Nine of Cups, Page of Wands, The Wheel of Fortune.
"Hi you! I've been sleeping a lot, can't seem to do anything else lately because of how tired I've been. Finally. I can sleep as much as I want to now because of a situation that just so happened to end recently. Death.
What now? See, I've been wondering the same thing. But let's not even worry about it, let's just sleep as much as we want to because we finally can, even if it's only a little nap time out of your day do it because I gotta see you one last time later, I've got a message for you in your dreams. Spirit will tell you, don't worry about missing it or when <3
Resting so much so when I do have to work, you know, find that balance again between work and fun, I can focus on what's so important to me a lot better, I mean really give it my all... You know? Lol
Sorry, I dream a lot, you might notice my head is always in the clouds. I have very air energy like a Gemini.
Things are finally clearing up for me! I feel at peace, maybe we mirror each other and things are also getting better for you too? You have to let me know, okay? I feel like I can finally breathe again, be optimistic without being scared the rug is going to get snatched from underneath.
I've been working so so hard on my craft, putting in so much love and effort into my work and I feel really hopeful that all of my productivity will pay off soon, consistency is key, right?
I really like the color yellow, đ talk again soon!"
Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to do the poll below đđž â¨
⎠â Ë。𦹠â・°âŠ
Pile 2- Knight of Wands, I forgot to write down the rest of the cards I'm so sorry đ
"I have no problem with putting in hard work for anything I want, even you, you know? If you don't want me the moment we catch eyes I'll make you ;)
The moment I catch you I'm going to make sure I never stop loving you, I'll make sure every day is beautiful, even on our bad days we'll kiss each other good night before bed still. I love you!
Why do you keep worrying yourself? All of that doubt in that pretty little head of yours isn't good, you should lay it all to rest before you make yourself sick baby. Sleep more, practice some self care before you run yourself crazy, okay?
I'm so proud of you, you know, for whatever amazing things you've accomplished lately. I believe in you, I'll always be your #1 cheerleader!
You should go out and celebrate! Enjoy the sun, you deserve it my angel! Promise me you won't let this go by like it's just not that big and you'll go out and do something? Pinky promise?
Stay focused! You're on the right path, you're doing amazing! I promise you, all of this will be worth it, it's worth our future đ keep going, I know you can do it! đ"
Hope you enjoy!!âşď¸ Don't forget to do the poll below!!
⎠â Ë。𦹠â・°âŠ
Pile 3- Queen of Cups, Justice, Four of Cups, The Moon, Three of Swords, The Star.
" Hi my love, you know I don't talk a lot haha, so I'll make this quick as usual and get out of your hair so you can go on.
I just want to remind you, you're my queen, my favorite, my whole world â¤ď¸ I think red looks really pretty on you btw but anyway, I love and miss you like crazy at times like these.
I am going through something right now, a legal situation, a situation I wish would come to an end right now because it's so heavy on me, it's hurting me but I know at the same time it's happening to me because it's part of my karma, something that's forcing me to look so closely at myself, at every shadow because I think it leads me to you. My everything. We're going to get married, I'm so sure of it.
I'm keeping hope alive, I'm hanging on to every thread of it I've got. I'm working on everything right now, I'll catch up with you soon sweetheart đ I'm going to kiss you when I do, you won't be able to get rid of me. ;) "
Hope you enjoy! Don't forget to do the poll below!!
⎠â Ë。𦹠â・°âŠ
Pile 4- Ace of Cups, The Hanged Man, King of Wands, Nine of Cups, Knight of Cups, Nine of Wands.
"I want to come to you with amazing news but I can't, I'm sorry to say, I've taken a turn for the worst right now. Don't worry, it's temporary.
I am slowly building myself back up, that's what I'm doing right now if you're wondering what I've been doing all this time. I'm healing day by day and I hope you are too sweetheart. I might be a bit stuck and tangled up right now, but I'm clearing through it!
I'm the kind of guy who will pursue you with nothing but kindness until I make you fall for me with your charm, I'm cute, I know I am, you'll love me, I have curly light hair, and a really cute smile. You'll think I'm so adorable.
I want to offer my heart to you, fully, 100%. You have me, all of me as long as you give me you in return, I hope you do, I can't be without you once I know you.
Take care my love â¤ď¸."
Hope you enjoyed â¤ď¸ Don't forget to do the poll below!!
#pac love reading#pac tarot#pick a card#spirituality#tarot#tarot cards#tarot reading#tarot love reading#tarot messages
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AITA for pretending I cheated on my partner when our common friend asked why we fought?
It will sound fake and fictional, but please bear with me because I'm getting crazy over it. And also sorry for any english mistake, we're not from an english speaking country.
To give some context: I am a man. There was this person, B(m), which whom I kind of grew up with. We went through the same schools from our 6 years old to 17 but we never were really friends. Then, around our 13, I got into a clique that fed into all my bad habits and I started to actively bully B because he seemed like an easy target at the time. I enjoyed it and was encouraged to do so (because I was such an asshole and I'm not even cringing thinking about it, it's worse. I regret it so much and I was a stupid and bad teenager). It was so bad that after years of enduring it, B changed school before we graduated and I went on with my life.
It' was's been about 15 years ago that I graduated.
In the meantime, I dealt with some problems that I had with my family and I went through intensive therapy which changed me for the better, and I came to terms with my sexuality as well.
Flashforward to 2019/2020, I meet with someone online through some games and it goes very well. Thanks to the Covid and the lockdowns, we play even more and get closer. At some point, I talk about an event happening close to my city, and he tells me that he knows about it as well and that we're living close to each other. Because we enjoyed our time online (ngl, we had started flirting although I didn't know how sincere it was) we decided to meet at that event.
And there, I find out that my online friend is B. It's extremely awkward but only for me because he cannot recognize me for three reasons: 1. I changed physically with my puberty finally finishing the job after my 18 birthday, and I found some love into dying my hair. 2. I changed in terms of personality thanks to the therapy I went through. 3. My legal name was changed when I said goodbye to this fucking family of mine and left without turning back (but I was getting sick just saying my last name).
I, obviously, didn't tell him anything about who I really was because I just wanted to enjoy that evening with a friend, and we didn't see each other since he left high school because of me. My plan was just to slowly distance myself from him after that evening but it failed because we had a lot of fun and we actually really hit off and I was dying constantly at the idea that he could find out.
We've been in a relationship sicne the beginning of 2021 and I was decided to just never tell him (horrifying idea I know, anyone with a braincell would have told me that it was bound to be found).
A month ago, I met with an old friend from high school (so yeah, he was in the bullying gang but more of a followers, so we stayed in friendly terms when we both agreed that it was bad) and as he recognized B, he decided to excuse himself and hoped that B would forgive him like he "forgave" me (I never got to tell that friend to shut up about that) so yeah, B found out that I was his main bully who had lied to him for almost 4 years now.
We had quite a big talk about it. How bad my bullying ended up for B; why I lied like that and never admitted it. And even if it went alright, B told me that he needed a break to think about things and it's going to be one month that I'm crashing at a common friend of us. At first, I just said that B and I got into a fight and it was good enough, but as it's been already a month, the friend asked more about it. Not wanting to bring up B's trauma to someone else (especially after our conversation), I just told the first lie that came to me and pretended that I cheated on B and he found out.
Now that common friend is calling me an asshole and keeps reminding me how much they are disappointed in me to have done something so horrifying to B. I keep wondering if I did well to lie like that, or if I should have found another way out.
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Swear it again
(bsn ending #6)
Bang chan x reader !! Christopher Bang x reader !! word count: 2.8k
bsn alternative ending #4 wherein; chan.. is what your heart wants
an: any team chan here? coz babe! i wasnt in any team but i can say that.. i love chan here!! (and seungmin */sobs)
part 1 and part 2 first
Bang Chan was the most mature person in your circle.
He was the one who would scold everyone for their wrongdoings, always making sure they understood the consequences of their actions..
He gave advice like a big brother, offering guidance that was both thoughtful and practical, always with your best interests at heart..
He provided help whenever he could, going out of his way to make sure no one felt left behind, even when it meant sacrificing his own time or energy..
And he protected your friendship in the best way he could, often stepping in to mediate conflicts, always striving to keep the group united and strong.
He wrote songs, pouring his heart and soul into every lyric and melody, creating music that resonated with everyone who listened..
He wanted to become a singer ever since he was a kid, because he loved making people happy..
He sang well..
He produced beats..
He got his driver's license at an early age..
He was gentle, his kindness evident in the way he treated everyone around him, always with a smile and a reassuring word..
He was a good cook..
He liked sunny days more than rainy ones..
His hobby was playing sports..
He thought his charming point was his dimples when he smiled, a feature that made everyone around him smile too, his happiness infectious..
He could rotate his hand 360 degrees, a quirky talent that never failed to amuse you, just another thing that made him unique..
He was handsome..
And cute at the same time.
âWait. Were we still talking about how mature he is?
Well, no! You were talking about how much you knew him.
And why did you know him that much? Because, yes indeed, you liked him.
Butâ
"I swear to God! I would never fall in love with someone like Chan!" It was just a teasing moment as you lifted your right hand, as if pledging an oath.
You were playing truth or dare with your friends one time. And then you picked truth, and they teased you, asking if you liked Chanâwhere you immediately denied it by swearing.
And you thought you would never.
But then there was him, always taking care of you, asking How are you after your major exams.
Asking what your cravings were for the day so he could buy them for you.
Asking what you were eating in your apartment. If are you just eating cup noodles again.
Patting your back and giving you a hug when you cried after failing your physics subject, holding you close as you let the tears fall.
The first one to greet you on your birthday, warm and cheerful as he wished you all the happiness in the world.
You felt like⌠you didnât understand.
Yes, others cared about you, but Chan⌠there was something about him you couldnât quite pinpoint.
And when the way he slowly placed a pair of headphones on you and then played a song he had written and composed by himself, his eyes watching your reactionâŚ
You finally admitted it to yourselfâyes⌠you liked him.
"I swear to GodâŚ" Now, you couldnât continue your words as the others looked at you, waiting for your answer.
"I'm tired of playing. Let's sleep." Then you stood up, leaving them with confused faces.
Well, donât overthink it. They were just wondering if you really knew how to play truth or dare.
When he wrote that blue sticky note song⌠you thought he was the one who sneakily slipped it into your binder.
"We helped in making that song," he said as you faced him, "but Changbin wrote the title and most of the lyrics."
That answered your questionâit was Changbin who really did put it there.
Not gonna lie, you really hoped it was him. But knowing that another friend did it, you felt anxious. If you were to tell everyone you liked this man standing in front of you⌠what would their reaction be?
After that night at the party, when you got home and cried, you knew now that Bang Chan liked you. But you didnât know what to do.
It was because of your stupid swear to yourself!
Why did you pledge something when you couldnât even handle the consequences?
You continued your life after that, but things felt different. You started putting up barriers between yourself and your friends, especially Seungmin and Changbin, who you always saw in class.
Thankfully, they seemed to understand, giving you the space you thought you needed.
But deep down, you hoped that everything would go back to normal. In just a few days, you already missed the closeness, the easy laughter, the sense of belonging that came with your friendship. And so, you made a promise to yourself that you would fix thisâno matter how difficult it might be.
You were about to take a different path home when you spotted Seungmin walking in your direction. He caught your eye, and for a moment, you considered slipping away before he could reach you. But before you could decide, he stopped you.
"Wait. Let's talk."
Even though you weren't ready to face him, there was a pull, a longing to reconnect. You missed Seungminâyour best friend, the one who always understood you without needing many words.
As you both sat down, sipping on your favorite coffee, an awkward silence hung between you, thick with unsaid words.
"I know this is hard for you," Seungmin began, his voice gentle and steady, as if he had rehearsed what to say a hundred times before. "But I hope you won't go through with your plan of distancing yourself from us. We donât want to lose you."
You bit your lip, feeling the weight of his words sink in. That wasnât what you wanted either. They were all precious to you. You were just trying to give yourself some space, to sort out your feelings before they got even more complicated. "Itâs not that I want to leaveâŚ" you mumbled, struggling to find the right words. "I just⌠I donât know how to handle all of this right now."
Seungmin nodded, his eyes never leaving yours. "But weâll give you the time you need," he said softly, taking a small step closer, as if he wanted to bridge the gap that had formed between you. "Just know that we're here for you. We're friends, and we should be with each other, especially when things get tough."
It was as if he could read your mindâhe knew exactly what you were thinking, even though you hadnât said a word. The unspoken understanding between you was comforting, but it also made you feel guilty for even considering pulling away.
"Iâm sorry," you finally spoke, your voice trembling with emotion. You werenât entirely sure why you were apologizing, but you felt it deep in your heart. Maybe it was because you were about to break his heart, to put a crack in the foundation of your friendship. "I⌠I justâŚ"
You wanted to tell him everything, but the words were stuck, lodged in your throat, as if admitting them out loud would make everything too real to bear.
Seungmin looked at you, his expression softening with concern. "Hey," he said gently, reaching out to place a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "Itâs okay. You donât have to say it all at once."
You swallowed hard, trying to steady your breathing. "I just donât want to hurt anyone," you whispered, your voice barely audible.
"You like someone, but you're afraid to choose because you donât want to hurt the others, right?" Seungminâs words hit the mark, once again proving how well he knew you.
You didnât nod, but you didnât deny it either. Instead, you lowered your head, unable to meet his gaze. How did he always know what you were thinking? How did he always manage to say exactly what you needed to hear?
"Donât be sorry, you silly," Seungmin chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. His laughter was warm, like a blanket on a cold day, wrapping around you and making you feel safe. It was as if he wasnât hurt at all, like this was just another one of your usual conversations. "Why would you be sorry? Itâs not like this is all your fault."
"But it is," you insisted, your voice cracking as you finally met his eyes. "It feels like it is. I never meant for this to happen, but now⌠now everythingâs so messed up."
"Well it was your fault to be pretty.." He mumbled something under his breath, something you couldnât quite catchâBut then before you could ask what, he spoke up again, louder this time, "Donât be sorry!"
You were thankful for his words, but the anxiety gnawing at you only grew worse. What if Seungmin was just saying this to comfort you while he was hurting inside? What if he was pretending everything was fine just for your sake?
"Who is it, by the way?" he asked casually, as if he were asking about the answer to a quiz question. His tone was light, but there was a hint of curiosity in his eyes,
"Itâs--" your heart starting to race,
"Itâs Chan, right?" He slapped the table, a triumphant smile on his face as if heâd just solved a puzzle. "I knew it! Ever since we played that game years ago, I had a feeling. You swore youâd never fall for him, and you think Iâm a fool to believe that?"
You blinked at him, startled. "How⌠how did you--"
Seungmin grinned, leaning back in his chair with an air of confidence. "Come on, itâs not that hard to figure out. Youâre not as good at hiding your feelings as you think." He paused, his smile softening. "And honestly? Iâm glad itâs Chan. Heâs a good guy. Just⌠I didnât expect it to happen so soon."
Seungminâs laughter was infectious, and despite the situation, you found yourself smiling. "I mean⌠I didnât want this to happen, but--"
"But youâ"
"Wait, let me finish talking," you interrupted 'cause he was always cutting you off, laughing at his eagerness Seungmin joined in, the tension between you easing with every shared laugh.
As you continued to talk, the comfort and ease you always felt with Seungmin returned. He had a way of making everything feel right, even when it wasnât.
"What I want to say is⌠go for it! Go get that Chan!" He grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "But if he ever hurts you, I swear to God, he wonât be able to walk again."
You laughed at Seungminâs playful threat, feeling a warmth in your chest that only a friend like him could bring. In the end, you sent him a grateful smile, and Seungmin returned it, understanding exactly what you meant without needing to say it out loud.
You hesitated for a moment before knocking on Chan's studio door. The silence that followed felt like an eternity. You knocked again, the sound echoing in the quiet hallway. Still, there was no response. With a deep breath, you knocked a third time, your heart pounding in your chest.
"Chan, are you mad at me? Please⌠let's talk." Your voice wavered as you spoke to the door in front of you, desperation seeping into your words.
But there was still no answer. The lump in your throat grew as you fought back the tears that threatened to spill over. Just as you were about to give up, a voice behind you made you freeze.
"Why are you here?" Chan's voice was laced with surprise, as if he couldnât believe you were standing there. He must have come back from somewhere, holding a cup of coffee in his hand. "I mean⌠Iâm glad youâre here!" He quickly added, realizing how he might have sounded. "Iâm sorry, I just went to get some coffee. Come on, letâs go inside."
You blinked away the tears that had gathered in your eyes and followed him as he unlocked the door and pushed it open for you. The familiar warmth of his studio washed over you as you stepped inside, the soft hum of equipment and the faint scent of coffee mingling in the air.
You took a seat in the extra chair beside his workstation, and Chan set his coffee down on the table. "Wait here for a second," he said, heading toward the small kitchenette. "Iâll get another cup so we can share this."
You nodded silently, watching him as he moved around. When he returned, he poured more than half of his coffee into your cup, leaving himself with only a small portion.
"Here," he said, handing the cup to you before sitting down beside you. "How are you?" he asked, his eyes searching your face for any sign of how you were really feeling.
You tried to maintain eye contact, but the weight of everything that had happened over the past week made it impossible. You looked down, your hands trembling slightly as you held the cup. "Iâm⌠fine," you mumbled, knowing full well that Chan could see through the lie.
He didnât push you, though. He knew you well enough to understand that you werenât ready to talk about what was really going on. "I really wanted to come to your apartment," Chan said softly, his voice filled with concern. "But then I realized you might need some time alone."
His understanding, much like Seungminâs, was both comforting and heartbreaking. You appreciated how well he knew you, but it also made you feel even guiltier for pulling away from him.
Chan hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "Uhm, since youâre here⌠Can you listen to the song Iâm working on?" His voice was tentative, almost as if he was afraid youâd say no.
A small smile tugged at your lips, and you nodded. "Yes, Iâd love to."
Chanâs face lit up at your response, and he quickly grabbed a pair of headphones. Even though you were perfectly capable of putting them on yourself, he carefully placed them over your ears, making sure they were adjusted just right. His touch was gentle, almost reverent, and it made your heart ache in ways you couldnât describe.
He pressed play, and the music flowed into your ears. The first few notes were soft, an acoustic intro that was both unexpected and captivating. Then the piano joined in, followed by the steady beat of drums. It was unlike anything you had heard from Chan beforeânew, refreshing, and undeniably beautiful.
"Are you the one singing?" you asked, your voice full of awe as the song continued to play.
"Yeah," Chan replied, his voice barely audible over the music. He smiled at your reaction, a mix of pride and nervousness in his eyes.
You focused on the lyrics, trying to piece together the story they told. The words were tender, vulnerable, and they struck a chord deep within you. As the song came to an end, you slowly removed the headphones, letting the silence settle around you.
"Whatâs the title?" you asked, as you always did after listening to one of Chanâs songs.
Chan chuckled, shaking his head. "Iâll tell you later," he said with a playful grin.
"It was amazing, Chan," you said sincerely, your voice thick with emotion. You could tell he felt the depth of your words, his smile softening into something more genuine.
For a moment, you simply looked at him, taking in every detail of his expression. The way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, the warmth in his gaze, the slight flush on his cheeksâit all made your heart race. Before you knew what you were doing, you leaned in, closing the distance between you, and kissed him.
Chan froze for a split second, caught off guard, but then he responded, his lips moving against yours in a way that felt both hesitant and eager. The taste of coffee lingered between you, warm and comforting, but it was the intensity of the emotions that overwhelmed you. Your tears, which you had been holding back for so long, finally spilled over.
You realized what the lyrics were really about. They were about you. Every word, every noteâhe had written them for you.
I swear I would never fall in love with you that was what I always told myself too, but every time I saw you, I couldnât help but fall harder
Swear that you will like me too, just like how I liked you. I hoped you know it⌠Please swear again
and that was the title.
---
an: help
#stray kids#stray kids fanfic#stray kids x reader#bang chan x reader#bang chan#bang chan x you#bang chan x y/n#bang chan x female reader#stray kids chan smut#bang chan smut#bang chan fluff#christopher bang#bang chan x oc#chan x reader
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Youâre Mine, Little Dove
(Joel Miller x Female!Reader) 18+
Summary: Youâve always loved walking at night, but an unexpected visitor goes from the most terrifying to most erotic night of your life.
TW: predator/prey dynamics, ropes, blindfolding, gagging, non consent, consensual non consent, oral, fingering, unprotected P in V, dirty talk, pet names (little dove, baby girl etc.)
A/N: I canât say much without giving anything away, but this scene has been so fun for me to write. Iâm tagging @untamedheart81 @beboldbebravethings @rav3n-pascal22 and @spookyxsam since you 4 wonderful people had such amazing support for my last story. And because delulu is the solulu, Iâm also tagging @swiftispunk and @thetriumphantpanda because theyâre both incredible creators and I truly admire their work.
đ¤đď¸đ¤ â˘â˘ đ¤đď¸đ¤ â˘â˘ đ¤đď¸đ¤ â˘â˘ đ¤đď¸đ¤
Youâve always loved the night, and since getting promoted at work walking in the dark has become your way of winding down. Your friends think youâre crazy, blabbing on about how itâs dangerous and you shouldnât be out there alone. One even suggested buying really dark sunglasses and walking during the day. You all laughed at that as you sipped rosĂŠ, but itâs not the same. For one, the summer sun in Texas is way too hot most days, but itâs also too âpeopleyâ during the day. You want the solitude and quiet that comes with the dark.
All day youâre interrupted and expected to do things outside of your lane. Take work for example, today you were asked to take meeting minutes for a meeting that the team you lead isnât even a part of. You lead a team, and have an assistant of your own who takes meeting notes, doesnât that team lead have an assistant who can do that?
Probably not. Heâs an arrogant prick, you think to yourself. But heâs the boss's son so he gets away with it. And because of that, you agree. You always fucking agree. Always happy to help, never saying no.
Here in the night though, itâs just you. The night doesnât ask you to do anything but sleep, which you will do after enjoying the cooler summer air on your skin as you wander through the park behind your house.
Thereâs also a slight edge of danger to it that entices you. The park is well-lit, but who knows what could happen in the darkness between the casts of yellow light from lamppost to lamppost. Those darker spots might be your favourite, just a few steps away from the safety of the light.
You stop in one of those dark spots, closing your eyes and tilting your head up to the sky, taking a big cleansing breath in.
Silence. Calm. Peace.
You hold your breath for a few seconds, silence ringing in your ears before you slowly exhale. Just before you open your eyes, two strong arms wrap around you. A hand clamps over your mouth, the other arm other snakes tightly around your waist, pinning your arms down with it.
Silence, calm, and peace, were quickly replaced with fear, terror, and panic.
A solid wall of a person leads you to the grassy, non-lit areas of the park and you realize you have never known fear before. The fun fear of a roller coaster or haunted house, yes; but never true heart-stopping fear. Your stomach drops and everything inside you is yelling to fight.
âDonât scream, little dove.â A deep voice rumbles through you. If it wasnât for his massive form holding you up, youâre sure youâd fall over.
This doesnât happen here. This is a safe neighbourhood where you know all your neighbours. For a second you think itâs a joke, someone sneaking up on you that you know, but itâs almost midnight on a Wednesday. Who would be up at this point?
As he pulls you along your fear evolves into terror. Youâre frantically trying to catch your breath through your nose as every happy memory floods through you. The sparkly pink bike you got when you were six. The first time you saw white sand and crystal clear blue waters. Watching your best friend get engaged. How proud your parents looked when you got promoted last year. What was the last thing you even said to your parents?
His strong frame forces you to the grass. He places a knee on your back, holding you down as he ties your hands with a scratchy rope. Your mouth is free as your forehead rests on the grass.
Scream. Now.
You open your mouth but nothing comes out. Why canât you scream or at least look back at him to see who he is so you can describe him to the police?
Oh god, what if he doesnât let you go?
Just as you open your mouth to try to scream again he gags you and then blindfolds you. Youâre pretty sure itâs done with silk ties, but you really canât be sure.
âGood job, little dove.â He coos in your ear as he helps you up. âYouâll be rewarded for keeping quiet.â
He leads you through more of the grassy fields. You try to map out which house youâre headed toward in your mindâs eye until youâre interrupted by the sound of crunching gravel under your shoes. You assume youâre in an alley or street as you hear the clicking of a car door.
Your overly conservative father's voice comes into your head. âYou canât go out dressed like that. Boys will get the wrong idea. Youâre inviting them to take advantage of you.â
That was years ago. Youâre an adult woman now, with a degree and a mortgage. You know your clothing isnât an excuse for this manâs abhorrent behaviour, but maybe you should have changed from your denim skirt and tight black top.
As you hear the vehicle door open the panic begins. Your breath comes in shorter and shallower, and it feels like your heart is thumping in your throat. Youâre sure your captor can hear it, or at least feel it through the skin of your bicep that heâs gripping so tightly. A whimper escapes you as he hoists you into a back seat and slams the door.
âDonât cry, little dove.â He says from the front as he starts the engine. âItâll only entice me.â
Fuck. Fuck. Youâre dead. Or trafficked. How could you not have screamed?! You let him take you, but did you stand a chance either way? You could feel his chest on the back of your head when he grabbed you, he was probably a foot taller than you. His strong hand was large enough to practically cover your whole face. He was the predatorâŚyou were the prey.
You calm your breathing and focus on the turns the vehicle takes as it pulls out of your neighbourhood, not letting the tears fall, you refuse to give him that sort of satisfaction.
It feels like youâve been driving for hours before you finally come to a stop. He hasnât said anything from the front seat. No music played. As he turns off the car you can hear the sound of a garage door closing. Youâre royally fucked.
The door near your feet opens and you scramble to the other side of the vehicle as your instincts to fight ignite. A strong hand grabs your ankle and pulls you forward. You kick blindly with your other leg, screaming through the silk thatâs wedged between your teeth. He catches your other ankle, squeezing them both together with one hand and binds them together.
He hoists you over his shoulder and lays a hard spank across your ass, eliciting a squeal as the walls of your pussy clench a little. âBehave, little dove,â he says cockily. You canât see him, but you know heâs smirking over how easily he overpowered you.
You try to say âfuck youâ through your gag.
âOh, I intend to.â He says as he takes you inside and up the stairs.
He drops you down on a bed and undoes the gag. âTell me your name.â
âTouch me again and Iâll rip your dick off.â You spit.
He chuckles a little while straddling you and lifting the hem of your shift, exposing the soft skin of your stomach. âI love it when my little doves talk dirty to me.â
He places light kisses along your skin and you squirm to try to get free, but his large frame has you trapped and your arms and legs are useless if theyâre bound. A deep moan from his chest shoots straight to your core, sending a new wave of arousal as your body starts to betray you.
âYouâre a fucking coward,â you say with as much hate as you can muster, trying to ignore the want thatâs spreading through your traitorous body.
He lifts your shirt higher, exposing all the skin between your bra and denim skirt, continuing to place soft kisses and light nibbles along your skin.
âI only want to make you feel good, little dove.â He says in a husky whisper, âHow does that make me a coward?â
God dammit he feels so warm against you. You push his soft lips and deep soothing voice out of your mind and focus back on the fear, terror and panic you felt earlier.
âCapturing someone in the night. Binding them. Real men arenât afraid of the fight.â Taunting him is incredibly risky, but if you entice him enough he might untie you and you can fight like hell to get free. He couldnât have taken you far.
His kisses cease. You almost let out a whimper of protest at him stopping. Are you this desperate for touch? You have a boyfriend.
âIs that what you think, little dove?â He shifts to be straddling your hips, leaning forward with both forearms on either side of your face. He brushes away some hair that has stuck to your lips. âThat Iâm not a real man?â
You can feel the bulge in his pants pressing against your stomach as you try to squirm free. âYes, youâre fucking pathetic.â
His lips move to your neck. Wet kisses moving from your ear to your collarbone. Youâve always been a sucker for neck kisses and with sight being taken away, your sense of touch seems heightened. Shit, his lips feel good and at this proximity, you catch a faint smell of leather and cedar. He trails his tongue back up before gently biting your earlobe.
Fuck, a small shiver runs down your back and your breath hitches as you squeeze your thighs together.
âIâll make you a deal, little dove,â he whispers, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. âIf you can keep your breathing steady for the next 5 minutes, Iâll untie you and remove the blindfold.â
You feel dizzy by the closeness and gentleness of him. âAnd if I canât?â You breathe.
âIf you canâtâŚIâll untie your ankles and remove the blindfold. I have a feeling you have beautiful eyes.â
You swallow hard, contemplating your options. He kidnapped you. He doesnât have your consent to any of this, but based on the wetness that is now coating your thighs, your body doesnât seem to get the same message.
You take a deep breath before saying, âDeal.â
Before the word has fully left your lips, heâs ripped your tank top completely open. His fingers work the front clasp on your bra as he whispers that heâs sorry about your shirt and starts placing hungry kisses down your neck. Your breasts are completely exposed to him, the cool air turning your nipples into stiff peaks.
âYouâre fucking gorgeous.â He says as he cups both your breasts. His tongue swipes along the left nipple as his thumb caresses the smooth skin underside of the right one.
You remind yourself that he kidnapped you and try not to let your body and breathing betray you, but your thighs squeeze tighter for relief and your mind is swimming.
His tongue swipes harder before he moves over to the right one, sucking it into his mouth and rolling the other between his fingers.
Heâs playing you like a fiddle. How does he seem to know exactly what you like?
He releases your nipple with a pop before gently blowing cool air on it. He latches back onto the left one, swirling with his tongue and your hips involuntarily buck forward as your breath stutters.
âGood girl, little dove.â He says with a low growl, coming back up to be face to face. âLooks like I win. Your hands stay tied, but Iâll free your ankles and take off the blindfold.â
His minty breath hits your nostrils. Fuck, my hands!! How could you have forgotten about your hands? Shit. You canât believe you let this monster make you feel good.
He slips the blindfold off and you blink a few times, adjusting to the dimly lit room and taking in the man on top of you. Fuck, monster he is not. His curly dark hair is pushed back and you can see some salt and pepper around the temples. He has patchy facial that you couldnât even feel when he was kissing you, he was being much more gentle than you thought. Heâs handsome and ruggedâŚif anything, this man is your type.
âI was right,â he says, his deep brown eyes staring right into you. âYou do have beautiful eyes.â
Now that he sees you as a person, you might be able to elicit some sympathy.
âP-please let me go.â You say, holding in tears.
He tilts his head to one side, a small smile revealing a dimple that makes you melt a little. âLet you go? Weâve only just started, little dove.â
The fear starts to come back again as he shifts to untie your ankles. âPlease donât do this.â
He kisses up your thighs and speaks between kisses. âSshhhhâŚlet me make you feel good and then you can go home.â
You should kick or flail or do something, you had your best chance just seconds ago, but his warm, soft kisses had you too distracted. You start to think this man wouldnât actually hurt you. But he is hurting you by forcing you to be here in the first place, isnât he?
You look down at him to see him lying beside you, head propped in one hand near your hip as the other trails up and down your legs. His features are soft, eyes wholly focused on the tiny goosebumps heâs leaving on his skin. His hand slips between your thighs and tries to part your legs, youâre suddenly unsure if youâre squeezing them together to ease the throbbing of your clit or out of fear.
âOpen your legs for me, little dove.â He says as he kisses the tops of your thighs.
You shake your head as the tears you were holding in roll down your cheeks. Heâs right near your knees now, you could draw one up into his jaw, but those big chocolate eyes are looking up at you so lovingly.
He get up, walks towards the end of the bed and grabs your ankles. Like the flip of a switch, his look turns harsh and angry before he pulls you to the edge of the bed. Your skirt hikes up around your waist from the motion and he licks his lips as he wedges his body between your knees, spreading you apart enough for him to see you glistening for him.
âTsk, tsk.â He says while shaking his head and lowering himself slowly between your legs. âWalking alone at night, in this little skirt with no panties?â
He lowers himself between your thighs and you begin to realize just how broad he is as your leg muscles cry out from the stretch. The rest of the room comes into view. There are handcuffs and ropes, along with paddles and whips hanging on the wall. There was no escaping this man, and your curiosity is peaked by the ropes you notice around the bed frame.
âPerhaps youâre not a little dove after all.â He taunts, looking at your wide eyes as they take in the room. Heâs going to take what he wants from you and you barely fought it. Youâre enjoying his words and touches, even more so now that you see how incredibly handsome he is.
âPlease.â You whimper, making eye contact with your captor. Though you arenât sure if itâs a plea to stop or keep going.
âYou look even more gorgeous spread out for me like this. So wet. And warm.â Heâs looking at your cunt like itâs the newest wonder of the world. âDoesnât look like she has gotten the attention she needs lately. Does your boyfriend not know what heâs doing?â
His warm breath hits your core as he speaks, sending waves of warmth from the base of your spine out to your fingertips.
âHeâŚ.â you arenât sure what to say. You love your boyfriend, âhe does. He just isnâtâŚskilled.â
A gentle kiss is placed on your mound, right above the spot thatâs aching for attention. âPoor baby. Do you need me to take care of it, little dove?â
You clamp your eyes shut. You shouldnât. This is wrong. But your traitorous pussy has other plans and you very quietly whisper yes.
His mouth is on your before you can even process what you just agreed to. A flat, wet tongue laps from your entrance to your clit a few times before he sucks your clit into his mouth. He groans deeply as he tastes you, sending a rumble straight through you. You cry out loudly and arch your back, pushing yourself into him.
âGood girl.â He says before doing it again. âI want to hear you enjoy it.â
His mouth continues to keep you on edge. Rotating between licking and sucking, adding pressure until you start breathing heavily and then easing up. Youâre right on the edge, but heâs not letting you over.
âPlease. Please let me come.â You beg.
He stops, looking at you with a cocky smirk, revealing that fucking dimple again. âThat boyfriend of yours has been mistreating you, little dove. So worked up.â
You let a whine when he stops and begs some more. âPlease. You feel so good.â
He slams two fingers deep inside of you. Youâre so wet that it happens with ease and when he curls his fingers forward, right to that spongy part, you start to feel like your bones are dissolving.
âF-fuuuuuck,â you gasp.
His tongue begins to flick against your clit again, gently at first as he works you with his fingers. You can feel your arousal dripping down his hand and pooling under your ass. He starts applying more pressure with his tongue and you know that heâs going to make you come. Hard. And with your hands still tied behind your back you wonât be able to push him away when you become too sensitive. Too overly stimulated.
âCome on my little dove,â he says between licks. âShow me how good this feels.â
Your orgasm hits with a force you have never felt before. Electricity feels like it courses through your entire body and you scream out to the room, legs shaking as you cover his hand and mouth with your arousal. He doesnât let up, sucking and licking as your orgasm feels like it lasts forever. Finally, you canât take it anymore and you try to roll away.
âS-Stop. Sâtoo much,â you gasp. âPlease.â
He pulls his fingers from you, pinning your hips down with his forearm making you a prisoner to his tongue. Heâs going to make you come again.
âI canât,â you huff as you try to escape.
âSsh, little dove. You can take it.â He keeps sucking and licking your swollen bundle of nerves.
Your body starts to shake, the word no escaping your lips over and over. You mean yes, but this man is overwhelming you with pleasure in a way no one ever has before, and you donât know if you can take it.
He moans against you as he sucks, that same rumble from earlier, it consumes you and thatâs what does it. You come again, grinding shamelessly against his face as he smiles up at you.
âGood girl. Fuck, I am going to ruin you for every other man. No one is going to make you come as hard, or as much as I will. Roll over.â
The fact that heâs taken you against your will is not even in your mind as you slide back into the bed to roll over. He pulls you up so your knees are resting right on the edge, fully on display for him.
âSuch a perfect little pussy. And a perfect girl. Being so good for me.â You hear his belt and jeans hit the floor. Glancing back you see him naked from the waist down, pumping his cock in his hand. Your eyes widen at the size of him.
âNo. Itâs not gonnaâŚ.I canât do it.â You crawl up the bed to get away, laying flat on your stomach.
He climbs up behind you and hitches one of your legs up before aligning himself with your soaked entrance.
âRelax, little dove,â he whispers in your ear before gently kissing your neck. He pushes himself into you and you tense up at the size of him.
âYou need to relax, baby girl.â He says deeply, âTake a deep breath. You can do this.â
You do as he says, looking over your shoulder at him and breathing deeply.
He pushes into you more, not breaking eye contact. âGood girl. Make room for me.â
Heâs stretching you almost to the point of pain but you listen and breathe. The more relaxed you are the better it feels. There canât be much more left for him to get inside of you.
âAlmost there. Youâre such a good little dove. One more breath baby.â Finally, you feel his hips pressed against your ass. He stays still for a second and you grind back into him.
âFuck, stay still for a second. Youâre so tight.â He gasps. Pride fills you that this big man can be brought to pieces by just the tiniest wiggle of your ass.
He takes a few breaths this time before he starts to move. He starts slow. Moving halfway out and then back in a few times. You need more.
âFuck me,â you moan. âPlease. Ruin me for other men like you promised.â
A hard smack lands on your ass cheek before he pumps in and out of you. Heâs rough with you now, grabbing your hair and pounding as deep as he can after pulling out to the tip.
âYou wonât be able to walk for a week.â He grunts before releasing your hair and spanking you again.
Itâs euphoric. The perfect mix of pleasure and pain. You arch your back more and he lays another slap across your ass.
âYouâre not a little dove are you?â He growls as he fucks you.
âNo,â you breathe. Barely able to form a thought.
âTell me what you are.â He says, slapping your ass again.
âIâm yours. Iâm your desperate, cock loving little dove.â It comes out as a whine, your orgasm growing closer.
He doesnât stop pounding into you. âFuck. Thatâs my good girl. Youâre taking me so well.â
You can feel your arousal soaking the sheets below you, and hear the squelching as he fucks into you. You arch your back again so he can brush against that spot you love so much. He reaches under you, rubbing tight little circles on your clit.
âOhâŚ.f-fuck.â You coo.
âYea?â He taunts, âYou like that? My rough fingers on your beautiful little cunt?â
His words send another rush of arousal to your core, this is wrong. You shouldnât like this, but youâre not sure youâll survive if he stops what heâs doing.
âN-no. Fuck you.â You try to sound mad but it hits his ears in breathy moans.
âMy perfect girl.â He taunts, âCome on my big cock. Squeeze me with that tightly little pussy.â
Your vision blurs as you start to gush all over him. Your whole body tenses as wave after wave of pleasure consumes you, moaning and squealing like a woman possessed. Your legs shake so hard that you feel like youâre in the middle of an intense gym session. Slowly you gain control of your body again and heâs right, youâre ruined for all other men.
âGood fucking girl,â he says as he pulls out and climbs up the bed. âYouâre so hot. Open your mouth for me, little dove.â
He pumps himself over you as you roll on your back and open your mouth. His strokes and breathing become erratic as warm ropes of come hit your tongue and face. He lets out a deep moan as he covers you.
He leans in a kisses your lips, not caring about the come on your chin or cheeks, the biggest smile crossing his face.
âLet me get you a face cloth, babe.â He says with a little laugh.
âThank you, Joel.â You say with a wink. âAnd please untie me, my hands are asleep.â
He laughs, âI would, but Iâm just your unskilled boyfriend now.â
He gently wipes off your face before reaching back and untying your wrists. He kisses them gently before laying back on the bed. âWas that ok?â
You curl into his arms. âIt was perfect, baby.â
âAre you sure?â He squeezes you reassuringly. âYou seemed genuinely scared a few times.â
âI told you I was in theatre in high school.â You laugh to yourself.
He chuckles deeply as he rubs your back. âI donât think all of that was actingâŚâ
You glance up to see him smiling at the ceiling, clearly very proud of himself for making you come so hard. âTrue, I think we need to change the sheets.â
Another gentle kiss lands on your forehead. âI love you.â
âYou too, Joel. Very much.â
âââââââââââââââ
Tags: @wannab-urs
#joel miller#joel miller tlou#joel x female reader#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fan fiction#joel miller x reader#joel miller smut#pedro pascal#pedrohub#joel the last of us#joel tlou#joel x reader#joel miller x f!reader
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Another Love | part 3
Summary: you've been hopelessly in love with Han since you were children. One night you confess your feelings to him.
Words count: 5,082
Warnings: do I even have to warn you guys about angst at this point?
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6
A/N: this is not proofread because I'm sleepy, tomorrow I'll probably come back and fix the things that should be fixed.
I'm planning two or three more parts for this fic.
Seungmin got home after work and awkwardly told you he found a new roommate, it's a friend from his highschool time.
âThat's greatâ, you tell him, even though you're worried, because that means you have to go back home and you just don't know if you're ready yet.
âI asked him for two weeks, so I could settle everything, so take your timeâ, he says and you nod.
That is a good amount of time, Jeongho is coming to see you in two days and you're really looking forward to seeing him. You find yourself already missing the man even though it's barely two weeks since you last saw him last.
Things with Jeongho are going slowly but great, he's sweet and makes sure you're comfortable with every advance he makes. You can't deny, being the object of affection of such a handsome and interesting person is flattering.
âDo you wanna go out before I move out? We can go watch a movie or eat something nice, it's on meâ, you ask while watching him walk to his room.
âThat would be nice, I'll check my schedule and we can set the dateâ, he tells you before closing the door to his bedroom.
You're so grateful to Seungmin, if it wasn't for him you would have been forced to stay living with Jisung after he rejected you, or you would have had to rent a crap apartment on short notice so you could have a place to stay without bothering anyone.
Speaking of the devil, it's the first time in a few days you're thinking about Jisung and you realize how relieved you are. It makes you believe things are finally looking up for you.
Living in Japan, Jeongho can only come to see you on weekends when he's not working. So you basically spend two weekends a month with him, it's not perfect but at the same time you two decided to take things slowly so you're taking your time to actually develop your feelings for him. What doesn't take very long.
You're not sure if it's because you were deprived of an actual romantic relationship for quite some time or if it happens to be like that because Jeongho is such a warm person to be around, but you just know you like him.
You are at the airport, waiting for him to arrive. When people start coming out of the gate, you tiptoe trying to find him in the crowd.
He's doing the same as you, but being taller it's not so difficult for him to find you. You jump and wave with your arms even though you know he already saw you, but you're just too excited to see him.
âAnd here I thought it would be difficult finding youâ, he stops in front of you while you throw your arms around his neck and squeeze him into your embrace.
âI missed youâ, you tell him. He chuckles, bringing his hands up and cupping your face, lightly brushing his lips on yours before landing the most sweet kiss.
âI missed you tooâ, he tells you, connecting your foreheads. You smile brightly, feeling warm.
You really like Jeongho, and that makes you wonder how your life would have been if you had said yes to him in middle school.
âLet's goâ, you say, intertwining you fingers with him, âyou have to rest because I have lots of fun planned for usâ
He nods, paying attention to every word you say while you tell him some of the things you want to do during the weekend.
You stay in his hotel since you can't take him to sleep on Seungmin's sofa. You two ask for room service and talk about everythingâhis life in Japan, his work, your major, your tutoring and how things are going now that you will have to go back to live with Jisung.
âHow are you feeling about that?â He asks, while you eat.
âHonestly, I don't knowâ, you tell him. âBut I'm pretty confident, things are different now, I even have a hot boyfriendâ, you joke, making him choke on his food.
âI don't remember being asked outâ, he says, raising one eyebrow.
âWell, I thought it was a givingâ, you shrug, biting on your burger, âsince you're down bad for meâ
He laughs out loud, throwing his head back.
âI'm not saying you're wrong, but you could be a little more humbleâ, he tells you, grabbing a napkin and whipping the ketchup off of the corner of your lips.
âDon't you think I've been humble enough for like a decade?â
âYou got a pointâ
You soon finish your dinner and turn on the TV so you can watch a movie. It's just comfortable being with Jeongho, he makes the storm that usually is your mind become a light rain.
The next day is packed, you wake him up at 9 a.m. knowing it's going to be difficult to take him out of bed, especially when he keeps holding you and trying to make you stay in his warm embrace.
âWe have to goâ, you tell him, trying to escape from his heavy arm around your waist.
âJust more five minutesâ, he asks, snuggling his head in the crock of your neck.
You really do want to stay like this with him, but you can't be swayed, you two have a full schedule that must be fulfilled.
âJeongho, we must go or we are going to lose my first surpriseâ, you pout.
âSurprise?â He asks, backing away to look at you.
âYes, I prepared a lot of things for us to do this weekendâ, you give him a smug smile, âI didn't tell you half of it yesterdayâ
âHm, that does sound interestingâ, the hold on your waist tightens, making your body press even more against his. Jeongho lands a kiss on your cheek, then on your neck, going slower, âbut you'll have to give me more than that to convince me that anything you planned is better than thisâ, you gasp feeling his hot breath hitting on your skin.
âI-â, you're not sure if you want to go out anymore, after feeling his soft lips again. âBabeâ, you whisper, almost giving up when he flinches, backing away again. He is blushing.
âDid you just call me âbabeâ?â He asks flustered and you nod, smiling sheepishly.
âI mean, if you don't like it-â
âOf course I like itâ, he answers fast, sitting on the bed. âLet's go, if you keep this up I won't let you get out of this bed for the whole weekendâ, he tells you, getting up.
That offer does sound tempting, you sigh, but you two really do have lots to do.
Jeongho is not your first boyfriend, you didn't spend years pining over Jisung just waiting. Trying to get over him one way or another, you had your fair share of relationships, they just quite never made you feel like it was enough.
Until now. Jeongho easily swept you off your feet, liking him is just natural.
âSay cheeseâ, he asks while taking a selfie of you two, you're resting in a cafe after walking for hours.
âYou really do like taking picturesâ, you say and he nods.
âI do, especially when I'm with the second prettiest woman in the worldâ, he tells you.
You chuckle.
âMay I presume that the number one is your mother?â
âOf course, dear. Who else could compete with you?â, he jokes, making you roll your eyes.
Jeonghoâs name is called and he excuses himself to go to the counter to get your orders. This cafe you're visiting just opened, it is pretty popular and always crowded. You were only able to secure a table for your date because Hanna has a friend who works at the cafe and they were able to reserve it for you.
You hear the noise from the bell on the door and lift your eyes out of your phone to look at it, meeting Jisung's eyes.
What is he doing here?
âI didn't want to say it, but I think the cake you make is prettier than this oneâ, you hear Jeongho's voice, making you turn away to look at him, praying that your best friend won't try to talk to you.
Jeongho is much more sensible than you think, he picks up on your sudden stiffness and the awkwardness on your face, looking around to find out what happened. He sees Jisung coming in your direction hand in hand with a girl.
His right hand moves fast to the hand you have on the table, and his left one lands on your back, giving you reassurance.
âJisung, it's been a whileâ, Jeongho says, voice more stern than you're used to, making you look at his face again, to see him almost glaring at your friend.
âJeonghoâ, Han smiles, glancing at the hand your boyfriend has over yours and noticing how close you're from each other, âI thought you lived in Japanâ, he points out.
âI do, but I come often to visit my girlfriendâ, Jeongho smiles pretentiously.
âYour what now?â Han asks him, but he's looking at you, âlast time I checked you haven't seen each other for almost ten yearsâ
You turn your hand around, interlacing your fingers with Jeongho.
âWell, it has been a while since you last checkedâ, you answer, confidently.
Jisung's stand falters and the frown in his face is just priceless but you feel bad that he had to find out this way.
âWhy are you being so awkwardâ, Lia says, glaring at him, âyou should be happy for themâ
She smiles at you.
âI'm happy for you, y/n, please take good care of herâ, she tells Jeongho and he smiles kindly at her. âWe will be on our way, thenâ
You have known Lia for a few months now. She was always nice to you, going to the apartment all the time and you thought her and Jisung to be just friends until you saw him smiling when he picked up her call, the same smile you have coveted for so long, wishing you were the one in the receiving end of that smile.
But you never were.
There's no reason for you to dislike her just because she is with him, now you have your own love and you don't need to wish for the affection of someone that doesn't have it in them to give it to you.
âWell, that was awkwardâ, Jeongho's voice takes you out of your daze. âAre you alright?â, he asks, bending down to be closer to you.
You smile at him, giving him a peck on the lips.
âI'm good, I have youâ, you tell him. The man smiles brightly, tilting his head while looking at you lovingly.
âNow I'm thinking you're the one who's down bad for meâ, he scoffs playfully, standing up and sitting in front of you.
âI can't confirm nor denyâ, you say, winking at him. âWhat I can confirm is that the cake I bake is prettier than this oneâ, you bring back what he told you before.
âThat's what I'm telling you!â He says excitedly, forgetting about Jisung, and honestly, you do too.
Why is she laughing so much? Is he even that funny? Or is she just trying to win his favor? Those are the thoughts Jisung has in his head while waiting for his order to get ready, he can't stop stealing glances at you, he misses your smiles and your laugh, there was a time he was the main reason for that beautiful sound to come out of your mouth.
âThey look good togetherâ, Lia's voice never sounded so annoying to him, what is she even talking about? You and Jeongho don't look good at all.
He gets up when his name is called, going to the counter to pick up his order and walking outside to meet Lia after. He can't stop thinking about you, if you hadn't gone away he would be the first person to know about you and Jeongho. It's just weird for him not being the first person you tell things to, that's what is bothering him he's sure of it.
The fact that he couldn't listen to anything Lia said throughout their whole date honestly worries him, Jisung has no idea what's happening to him and why he's acting this way towards the girl he was so into a few months ago.
He tries to bury himself in work, doing everything to stop thinking. He's afraid of what he's going to find out if he dig any deeper trying to understand his feelings.
You're in front of your apartment, you know the passcode and you know Jisung is not there at that moment but you just can't move. You have your huge bag hanging on your shoulder and another one on the floor, the only thing you have to do is go inside, so why is it so terrifying? The other time you went there to pick your books and some clothes, you didn't feel this way.
Was it because you knew you were not staying? Or was it because you and your best friend were on better terms at the time? Maybe you should just rent a crap apartment and go live alone. But how are you going to explain that to your parents? You canât run away from Jisung your whole life, he is your best friend.
âOh dear, were you traveling?â You hear the voice of the old lady who lives right next door.
You turn around, putting the sweetest smile you have on your lips.
âHello, Mrs. Park, I was visiting a friendâ, you half lie.
âOh, that sounds like funâ, she giggles, âare you having trouble going inside?â
âActually, Jisung changed the password and forgot to tell meâ, you smile, lying through your teeth now, âI'm waiting for him to answer my textsâ
She nods.
âOh, your generation don't like to call, right? If I were you, I would call him until he picked upâ, she jokes, âwould you like to come inside to wait? You're going to get tired by just standing thereâ
You breathe, relieved, you know it's just a temporary measure but you'll take any opportunity not to enter your apartment yet.
âI would love toâ, you answer her, grabbing the bag from the floor and following her inside.
Her apartment has pretty much the same layout as yours, but the decoration couldn't be any more different. She has lots of trinkets, frames and a clock hanging on the wall. There are a lot of pictures of her children and grandchildren.
âWhat about your husband?â You ask, sitting on the sofa while watching her going through the kitchen and putting some water to boil.
âHe's visiting his brother in the countrysideâ, she answers. Your eyes wander around the room, landing on a frame with a beautiful couple. The picture looks old as it has a lot of aging marks.
âOh, it's me and my husbandâ, Mrs. Park says, making you flinch to hear her so close to you. She has a proud smile on her lips. âQuite a handsome couple, weren't we?â She points out and you nod.
âYes, a very charming coupleâ
She sighs, putting the tray with the teacups on the table in the center of the room.
âYou know, he was my best friendâ, she sits on the sofa, pointing to the other side for you to do the same, âI didn't always see him as a man, you know? I was in love with someone else at the time he confessedâ
You stare at her, not sure what she's trying to say.
âBut that guy broke my heart and he was there to pick it up and I fell in loveâ, she completes, with loving eyes.
âI'm not sure if I understandâ, you say, feeling strangely uncomfortable.
âI'm telling you that the person you like may take a bit of time to understand his feelingsâ, she smiles kindly, âbut I'm sure he will come to his sensesâ
You drop your eyes to your hands, fidgeting with your fingers. You're sure the old lady is only telling you that so you can feel better, but you don't feel like that at all. You don't want Jisung to like you now, you are exhausted from waiting for him.
âYour story is amazing, Mrs. Parkâ, you tell her, âbut I already have someone who's absolutely sure of his feelings for meâ, you stand, âI don't think I'll have to wait for another loveâ
She stares at you for a moment, analyzing you, trying to guess if you're being serious. Then, she smiles, standing too.
âI'm glad you came to that conclusion, honeyâ, she gets closer, patting you on the back. âDid Jisung send you the password?â, she asks, seeing you collect your bags.
âYes, I have everything I need to go back homeâ, you say, thanking her for the hospitality.
You take a few deep breaths before pressing the password on the lock of your door. The house is the same as it was when you last went there.
You put your things in your room, unpacking your belongings and putting everything in place. You go to the living room, opening the glass door to the balcony so some air can circulate inside, you're sure Jisung spent his days out and didn't worry about opening the house a bit.
You go to the kitchen, there's nothing in the freezer, you already knew that you'd find it empty so it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're in the middle of the vegetables section when your phone buzzes. Looking at the device, you see Jeongho's name lightening the screen.
âHeyâ, you answer, smiling.
âHello, my loveâ, he says, you hear heavy breathing in the back of the call.
âIs everything okay?â You ask, worried.
âYeah, I was hitting the gym and they called me from the office saying they needed meâ, he sighs, rustling at the other side of the line.
âIf you're in a hurry why are you calling me?â You ask, frowning.
âOf course, it's because I told you I would call you in the afternoonâ, he tells you like it's the most obvious thing in the world and you giggle, feeling the happiest at that moment, warmth growing on your chest.
âYou could have just texted meâ, you tell him.
âThen I wouldn't be able to hear your sweet voiceâ, you're sure he has that flirty playful smile on his lips while saying that.
You sigh, leaning on a shelf from the store.
âI miss youâ, you tell him.
On the other side of the line Jeongho stops on his tracks, smiling to himself while fidgeting.
âMe too, I can't wait to see you next weekendâ, he says, âI was thinking maybe we could have dinner with all your friends so I can be officially introduced?â
âYeah, that would be greatâ, you say, âI'll talk to themâ
âOkay, I have to go now but I'll text you laterâ
It's great having someone who actually reciprocates your feelings, much better, someone you're so into as Jeongho.
You walk out of the elevator struggling to carry the groceries, finding a feminine figure hovering over your door. When she turns around, you recognize Lia.
âHeyâ, you frown, did Jisung not tell her he was out?
âY/N, hey!â She says, smiling at you. âHere, let me help youâ, she says, grabbing two bags out of your hands.
âThank you!â You say, âJisung is not home right now, but come inside to wait for him, I don't think he's going to take longâ
You open the door, giving space for her to walk in and then close the door.
âI'm sorry about showing up unannouncedâ, she smiles sheepishly, putting the bags on the table in the kitchen. âI texted Jisung but he didn't see my texts, I just wanted to give this to himâ, she says, taking a pot out of her bag.
âOh, okayâ, you take it from her hands and turn around, putting it in the fridge.
âYou can have some, I made a lotâ, she says awkwardly and you smile at her.
âThank you, Lia. Are you sure you don't want to wait?â You ask, looking at the mirror, you're sure he will be home soon and if she stays it's less of an opportunity for you to speak to him.
âI have classâ, she sighs, âcan you tell him to call me?â
âSure, I'll tell himâ, you nod. She starts walking to the door and you accompany her, saying goodbye and watching her enter the elevator, waving goodbye to you while the doors are closing.
You're sure you could have been friends if things were different. You sigh, rolling up the sleeves of your shirt while going back inside.
You brought a lot of vegetables, they all need to be washed before being put in the fridge, so you start taking them out of the bags to organize everything.
You have the sinkâs tap running and some music playing on your phone, so when the door is opened and a tired Jisung enters the house you don't seem to notice.
He stares at you as if you're a mirage, happiness overflowing in his chest with your presence back home. He watches as you hum to the song playing, a few strands of your hair falling on your face.
With a bowl of vegetables ready to be stored, you turn around bumping into your best friend, making you jump.
âWhen did you get here?â You ask, with your hand on your chest, heart beating fast, not sure if it's because of the surprise or because you're finally facing him.
âI just got hereâ, he lies, he can't tell you it's been minutes he's there watching you.
You nod, opening the fridge to store the vegetables, trying to avoid his gaze. Not sure of how to act now that you're back.
âOh, Lia stopped by and left you thisâ, you point to the pot.
âI'm sorry, I didn't know she was going to come hereâ, he starts explaining and you frown.
âThere's no reason for you to apologize, she's your girlfriendâ, you answer nonchalantly and he steps back, feeling a sudden ache in his chest. You're not even looking at him while saying that, but why is it that you look so unbothered? Are you really over him? That's what he wanted, so why doesn't he feel relieved?
âShe's not my girlfriendâ, he tells you, frowning. You finally look at him, he's staring at you like he expects something from you. You don't know what he wants and you sure don't have the energy to try and find out.
âAnywayâ, you say, closing the fridge, âI'm sure she'll be your girlfriend soon, you can bring her anytime you want don't mind meâ
âWon't you feel uncomfortable?â He asks, fidgeting uncomfortably.
âNot at allâ, you grab your phone and put it in your pocket, ready to go take a shower. âI plan on bringing my boyfriend a lot here, so it won't be fair to you if you can't do the sameâ
You flash him a smile before heading to your room. You're acting the same as you did before your confession, so why does it make him so miserable now?
âSo, does he want to ask for your hand in marriage or something like that?â Felix asks, making you and Hannah choke on your drinks, while Hyunjin and Minho laugh at your reaction. âI'm just asking!â
âNo, why would you even think that?â, you chuckle.
âIt's such a formal thing to have dinner like thisâ, Seungmin points out, ânormal people just arrange a meeting at a cafe or something like thatâ
âHe likes y/n, he must not be right in the headâ, Jeongin says and you smack him in the head, making him pout.
âI think it's cute that he wants to meet you all formallyâ, you say.
âI think it's nice tooâ, Hannah supports you, âif you guys don't wanna go just say itâ
âNow, we didn't say thatâ, Minho says. âIt's just a bit weird to finally meet a boyfriend you actually like. Especially since we all thought Hannie would fall in love with you eventuallyâ
You nod, sighing and feeling a bit upset with his comment, but you know it's impossible for people to forget you were in love with Jisung for more than a decade.
âYeah, I get where you're coming from, but I'm happy with Jeongho and I want you all to meet him and know how great he isâ
Minho nods.
âYeah, okay. Then, I guess I'll have to give him the âdad talkââ, he says seriously and everyone laughs at your terrified face.
âPlease don'tâ, you beg him.
You get home earlier than expected, Jisung is not home yet so you have the house to yourself for a bit. A long, hot shower is everything you need to relax. It's been a long week with awkward interactions between you and Jisung, you kept trying to avoid him, at least until you feel comfortable like you used to.
You spend too much time organizing your wardrobe, when you look at the time you realize how late it is. So you grab a towel and hurry to the bathroom, trying to get back to your room before Jisung gets home.
The hot water does wonders to you, even though you have to take a quick shower, it helps a lot with your sore muscles from stress.
When you wrap yourself in the towel and your clothes are nowhere to be found, you know you fucked up. It's even worse when you hear the beeps at the door, fucking hell. Things are already awkward, if you walk out of this bathroom in only a piece of fabric, things will be even worse.
You can tell Jisung is in the kitchen because you can hear him walking around, opening the cabinets and humming to some music while setting the table. You're sure you can just run to your room and he'll never know this happened.
That would be a great plan, actually, if Han wasn't knocking on your room's door exactly when you got out of the bathroom.
He turns around, with a big smile on his face that automatically dies down the moment he sees you. Your life is so fucked up, really. You have been living together for three years, of course he had seen you in only a towel before but things were inevitably different now. Maybe he thinks you did this on purpose?
"Ahm-", you're trying to explain yourself, you can tell he's speechless, "I was trying to shower before you arrived and happened to forget to take my clothes with me", you say, smiling sheepishly.
"Oh, yeah", he answers, stepping aside so you can enter your room. "You can come eat when you're done, I brought pizza", he says and you nod, walking fast into your room and locking the door.
From now on you'll have a checklist of things you have to take to the bathroom when showering so your dumbass doesn't forget about the most important thing: clothes.
Han feels his ears getting warmer, you look somehow different, he just can't tell exactly what changed. Every other time you saw him in a towel or the other way around, you both would brush it off and laugh about it, why does he feel so embarrassed now?
"Did you change your hair?" He asks, your mouth is full so you can't answer him right away.
"No? Maybe it grew a bit"
"That must be it", he nods.
Yeah, it's definitely her hair that's different, he thinks.
"I'll do the dishes, you must be tired after practicing all day", you say, gathering the plates.
Han nods, getting up and telling you he's going to take a shower.
The image of the drops of water running from your hair through your neck and chest and disappearing in the soft fabric is the first thing that comes to Jisung's mind when the hot water hits his skin.
Where you always like that? Your skin looked so soft, he felt the urge to caress it, what would your reaction be if he touched you?
Han frowns, why the hell is he thinking about that? He must be crazy, it's the only reasonable answer.
The fact that another date with Lia went by and Jisung couldn't pay attention to a word she said makes it clear to him that things are not the same between them and that he doesn't want to keep things going as they are.
âI think we shouldn't see each other anymoreâ, he says, when they arrive at her apartment. Lia's hands stop before she can open the door and she turns around slowly, looking at Jisung.
âWhat are you talking about?â She asks, leaning on the door, staring at the guy she likes. He sighs, trying to come up with a good explanation for the reason he wants to end things.
âI just, don't feel the same anymoreâ, he looks at his feet, not able to look her in the eyes yet.
She is staring at him, crossed arms in front of her chest, trying to hold the tears, trying not to break.
âYou have been acting indifferent to me for quite some time nowâ, she points out, with a bitter smile on her lips. âI should have ended things when I first noticed it, I guess I just like you that much, huhâ, she completes, taking a deep breath.
âI'm sorryâ, Han sighs, finally looking at her, âI didn't mean to hurt youâ
âYeahâ, she scoffs, âIs it because of y/n?â
Jisung's eyes widen.
âIt was always quite clear that she liked youâ, she completes, before he can say anything. âI just didn't pay any mind to it because you guys have been friends for such a long timeâ
âIt's not like that-â, he tries to argue.
âThat day at the cafe you couldn't take your eyes out of her and that guyâ, she points out, âshe liked you for so long and right when she finds someone else you start liking her?â Lia scoffs, feeling the tears brimming in her eyes.
âI don't like her like thatâ, he says and the girl rolls her eyes.
âYeah, keep telling yourself thatâ, she says before turning around and entering her apartment, closing the door in his face.
A/N: If you like what I write please reblog or let me know in the comments, feedback give me motivation to keep writing. Also, you can buy me a coffee.
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DPxDC Ghost Zone Amity AU Part 2
Part 1Â Â Part 3Â Part 4Â AO3
Edit: I finally got around to adding this to AO3, link above.
Wow! I am completely blown away by the reaction the first part! Itâs the first fic idea I ever posted. Thank you so much for all the likes and messages. I have a lot of ideas for this AU but Iâm new to writing so please be patient. I also would love to hear anyoneâs ideas.
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Batman wanted to see the portal himself. Because of course he did. Nosy idiot couldn't let them handle it. And John Constantine just knew the bat was gonna make things harder on him.
"Can you disable it?" Gotham's knight asked.
"Of course not! This is some sci-fi bullshit and I don't do sci-fi. I do Magic, thank you very much.â
"You said you could sense death coming from it."
Constantine ran his hand through his hair, frustrated.
"Yeah but that doesn't mean I know how! This shouldn't be possible. And it radiates Death, capital D. This isn't just a device that has been exposed to death. It's owned by the Dead.
A grunt was all Constantine got as a reply, as the knight continued to examine the machine.
"Do you know where it goes?"
"To the DEAD! Haven't you been listening?! You know the Underworld? Hereafter? Netherworld? Hell with two L's? Hel with one L? Purgatory? Pandemonium? Hades? Tartarus? Any of these ringing a bell?"
Batman does not dignify the outburst with a response but he turns toward Constantine for the first time since they entered the building, narrowing his eyes.
"Which one?"
Constantine waved his hands noncommittally, "Eh, could be any of them. Could be ALL of them. They aren't completely separate. Like different branches of the same company. Different regional managers but all equally shitty.
Batman grunts again, turning back to the swirling mass. After a moment, he starts to fiddle with something on his belt. Constantine couldn't see what he was doing but he already didn't like it. Every time the bat investigated something that Constantine thought was better off left alone, his day would inevitably get MUCH worse. For the millionth time, he wonders why he bothers to associate with these idiots.
Batman pulls what he was messing with from beneath his cloak. His grapple gun? Constantine took several steps back. Nope. Nope, he definitely isn't gonna like this.Â
Instead of firing the gun, Batman slowly pulled at the hook loosening the wire until he had roughly 10 ft of it coiled in his hand. Then without any hesitation, he approached the swirling green, tossing the hook inside. It promptly disappeared, quietly, as though it had simply sunk into murky water.
They both waited. No sound could be heard except the ambient buzzing of electronics coming from the large machine. Batman stood a few feet from the portal, watching the line intensely. He had braced himself as though he expected the line to snap taut at any moment and pull him in. After roughly a minute and no such thing happened, Batman slowly reeled in the line feeding it back into the gun.
The hook came into view, no worse for wear. None of the green substance lingered on it. After briefly examining it, Batman clipped it back to his belt. Constantine was slightly disappointed that it hadn't come back ablaze or melting, only because it would help him narrow it down. Having it come back unscathed didn't really tell him where it led. Then again the fact that it wasnât instantly destroyed from coming in contact with the portal was probably a good thing.
"I think you gotta put worms on the end if you wanna catch something Bats." Constantine joked. He knew the man wouldn't react but couldn't help it.Â
To his surprise, John heard a chuckle from directly behind him. It startled him but he did his best to not show it. He knew who it was and didn't want to give him the satisfaction.
Boston Brand, Deadman, slowly floated into view in front of the magician. He was watching Batman but directed his comment toward John.
"I was expecting the Bat to get dragged in! A little disappointed if I'm bein' honest." Deadman laughed.
"I'd be lying if I didn't feel somewhat similar. When'd you get in?"
"Not too long ago," the ghost said conversationally, "I did a quick lap around the crater. Phew! That thing is huge!"
"No kidding? I hadn't noticed." The magician snarked, pulling a cigarette out and placing it between his lips. He wouldn't light up in here. He wouldn't want to piss off the Bat but the familiar feel on his lips brought him a small amount of comfort.
Batman seemed to have noticed Constantine's one sided conversation. He turned to stare at the occultist, his eyes narrowing again.Â
"Boston?"
"Who else?" Constantine grumbled.
Suddenly, without warning, he felt a cold wave rush over him as the ghost phased into his body. He felt his mouth open, his cigarette fell to the ground, and a voice that wasn't quite his own spoke.
"Hiya Batman! Long time no see! I heard you guys could use a little help?" John's face grinned without his approval. The voice coming from John had a Brooklyn accent and was entirely too cheerful for his liking.
Batman nodded, unsurprised by the English manâs sudden accent and demeanor change. He gestured over his shoulder toward the machine.
"What can you tell me about this device?"
"Umm..." John's legs brought him a little closer and his hand came up to his chin as though he was thinking hard. "I mean it's definitely spooky, I get kindof a weird vibe from it but other than that. Meh." He shrugged. "Not really my area, Bats."
"Does it seem dangerous?"
"Honestly? I don't think so. Like Constantine said it definitely radiates Death but not like in like in a scary way. Hard to describe. Feels kinda like a nap after a long day, ya know?"
Batman didn't respond. There was a good chance he didnât know. Constantine had never know the man to take a break. Did he even know what a nap was?
"Would you be willing to investigate?"
"Ya mean like go in? I suppose. Not like I'm getting any deader. Ha!"
As quickly as it appeared, the cold sensation that gripped him vanished and John Constantine's body was his own again.
"Bloody ghost! You made me drop my cig." He bent down to retrieve the cigarette, brushed it off, and put it back in his mouth. John hated when Deadman did that. Which was probably the reason he did it. He could have just asked John to translate. Or better yet ask him to magic Batman's eyes so he could see the ghost! But Boston loved to see John frazzled. As annoying as it was to be on the receiving end, John couldnât begrudge the ghost his fun. He knew how lonely it could be being dead in the land of the living. No one even knowing he was there. Constantine may not be dead but heâd been around it enough to know how isolating it could be.
"Sorry John!" The ghost called back goodnaturedly, already heading toward the portal. "Wish me luck!"
The ghost flew through the portal and the room was quiet once again. Batman couldn't see the ghost had disappeared but he followed John's gaze toward the machine and waited. Accurately guessing he had already passed through.
After a short moment, Constantine wondered if he had enough time to go outside for a quick smoke. But before he could decide, Deadman's head poked back through the swirl of green. The rest of him followed close behind, looking exactly the same as when he left.
"Well?" John asked impatiently.
"Seems safe enough. It leads to another portal on the other side. No monsters or anything."
Batman spoke up, "What's he saying?"
Constantine, taking a page out of Batman's book, ignored the knight continuing to address the ghost. "And? Where does it come out?"
"That's the weird thing. I think it's just a garage."
-------
Thatâs all I have for now! Let me know how i did and what you think should happen next.
I have a lot of ideas on what happens to GZ Amity, and coincidentally humanity as a whole, as a result of it getting stuck. I like to think that over time this creates a whole subspecies of liminal humans and GZ Amity ends up giving a solar(ecto?) punk vibe.
Jack and Maddie are LOVING living in the ghost zone. After the initial shock, and a short adjustment period, they throw themselves into their research just as hard as before but instead of focusing on weapons they focus on researching the properties of the ghost zone. They use what they learn to better the lives of the residents of the town.
Amity Parkers donât leave when they die. Old Evelyn Baker is still there like 300 years in the future. And because no one leaves, the town expands.
Blob ghosts wander around the city like stray cats. People treat them like pets. The Fentons create a blob collar especially for ecto-pets that is designed to stay on despite their semi-intangible nature. Using that design they are able to make equipment that will automatically phase WITH the user without having to dedicate extra energy to it.
I like the idea of Vlad coming around eventually. I think it would be funny for liminal!Amity Parkers gaining a resistance to overshadowing. And because Amity isnât really part of the US anymore, his vast wealth doesnât really do him any good. So here he is sad and alone. All his plans have failed and his power is rendered almost entirely useless. He can still overshadow people in the living world and the US is still a capitalist hellscape so his money is good there. But without any sort of end goal it loses its appeal. Eventually, heâll come crawling back to Amity.Â
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Directions from Your Higher Self
Choose a pile by which picture you resonate with the most.
If your mind is too busy to clearly decide, take a few deep breaths, and use the finger of your non-dominant hand to hover over the images. One will give off the most subtle yet prominent signals, like tingles, a magnetic pull, or temperature. This is your pile. Multiples are also possible.
Pile 1
The Star, The Moon
You started to believe in miracles, and are now scared shitless. No small expectations keeping you safe from disappointment anymore. You got a taste of what magic feels like, and now fear dullness like the plague. Two things: You are allowed to have boring days, that doesn't mean the magic is gone. It can't be Christmas everyday. You would get sick of the lights eventually, believe me. And the other thing: That's why they say that victimhood can be a kind of safety blanket. If you already expect only crap from life, there is no horrible suspense anymore. But now... you can't go back. Even if you try it.
This is an icky phase of metamorphosis. It's normal that it feels disorienting and like you can't make sense of anything anymore. Do soothing stuff, calming habits, be around safe people. And spoiler: This is about embracing your humanity in a whole new depth. Don't worry, it will feel supernatural again soon enough. But for now, practice being plain, while also weaving your belief in miracles into it. Challenging, yes, but nothing you can't handle. You got this.
Pile 2
The Moon, 3 of Pentacles
Nothing you put energy or effort into seems to yield anything. It feels like punching in slowmotion, nightmarish. Hitting no one who needs to feel your hits. Newsflash: This is not a time for work! Get soft, dammit. You can't experience rest while still trying to prove something. No one is watching. You are being your own cruel audience, and boo yourself into despair. What are you aiming at? Who convinced you that particular thing is the sole hope for you to be happy ever again?
I love you, you are me, I am you, but I can't let you go on like this. Not with what lies ahead of us. If you only knew how easy things will get. How many fears will never come true. How much lighter you could afford to be. How much love you already deserve. But you have to dare opening your arms, and put the tools down. The monuments you try to erect are aimed at Gods you won't believe in anymore once you experience your feminine side as a gift, and not a curse. Grindset? Grind your teeth while napping, if you have to. But this is bigger than your egotistical, temporal ambitions. You need to do it slow, and I won't stop insisting. Because I can see more than you. You will have no choice but trusting me on this one.
Pile 3
The Emperor, The Devil
Have you heard of this awesome thing called "free will"? Let's take that baby for a ride. Use 3 spoons for the same meal. Lie on the floor of your hallway and recite a song. Buy a stranger a magazine about trains. Take a pair of scissors to your least favorite shirt. Name your nail polishes after famous people. The possibilities are literally endless, but yet you rotate the same 7 things. They will stay ready for when you need them next, but let's shake it up a little, huh? No wonder you feel trapped and stuck. But YOU make the rules, at the end of the day. Yes, there are outer limitations you have no influence over, but even in a literal cage, you can decide what you think, or how you sit, or what notes you hum, or what shadow figures you make with your hands.
The thing itself is meaningless - it's about you experiencing being a CREATOR. Not just a servant to others. I don't care if it's throwing a paper plane into your bathtub, or quitting your job and disappearing to Nepal - but we crave novelty and agency. Deeply. Break the self-imposed limits, any of them. Just to feel what it feels like. It's more rewarding than you imagine.
Pile 4
The Hanged Man, 2 of Cups
Oh shucks. You like someone. It happened. And you can't cancel it willynilly. Suppression has run its course, and now you have to face the embarrassment of having a heart with a need to connect and love. This has completely ruined your illusion of sovereignty you so deeply depended on to feel safe in the world. What now? Where will it lead? What does it mean? What will happen next? Do they like me? Do they think of me? Do they think of me badly? Why do I think about them? Is this me being brave, or pathetic? Is there a true difference?...
The questions don't stop, and you know what - they shouldn't. This is less about the "result" of this connection (I know, boo me, because this is your hyperfixation above all, despite not ever admitting it) and more about getting you out of your shell to be curious about yourself again. The heart needs to be open, and these fears and doubts have been there for a long time already. You are ready to face them, examine them, and learn more about yourself than any flavour of aloofness could ever teach you. I know you hate it, but I can also see the faint giggly twinkle in your soul from up here, buried under all this denial and acting tough. And that's the most scary part for you. That you actually like someone, like, in THAT way. How scary that life has no guarantees, but coming to peace with that truth will serve you much more than any relationship ever could.
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