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jadedrrose · 1 year ago

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The Silent Reaver - ch. five

You and Law finally get to speak to each other, in secret, though. As you talk, you realize something, but you can’t contemplate it for very long…

other chapters

Warnings: half proof read, some stuff might be misspelled/phrased wrong. No violence or anything in this chapter, though I wouldn’t call it fluff just yet lol. Though there is some like… cute awkwardness

Last night, you’d been reunited with him. Trafalgar Law, who you hadn’t seen in thirteen years; not since you were both kids. Call it foolish, but as soon as he took you into his arms, holding you close as you cried, any feelings you’d had for him ages ago were reawoken within you. It was funny, really. To think your childhood crush was now your, well, adult crush.

You’d decided to not act on your emotions, though. It was shocking enough to have him back, and you were certain he was probably incredibly surprised to see you; especially without any warning. You’d at least known you were going to see him. Law however, had no clue.

The two of you didn’t get to stay with each other for very long, though. He’d held you for a good five minutes, and by the time he’d pulled away to further question you, you’d been interrupted. Law had whispered “meet me up in the abandoned offices tomorrow evening” to you before shambles-ing himself away. You’d quickly regained your composure and acted as though you were simply wandering. The prisoners who’d found you seconds later didn’t question it.

It was now mid-day, and in only a few hours you’d be meeting up with Law, in secret. You were so excited, but also incredibly nervous. Trying to distract yourself until sundown was difficult, to say the least.

You’d eaten a boring lunch in the kitchen, holding your best poker face to date as Monet had stumbled in while you were eating, and she’d started questioning you about your mission. You had lied and told her you hadn’t had the chance to find Law and corner him just yet. She only nodded with her unnerving smile, leaving you alone after that.

After lunch, you figured it wouldn’t hurt to take a short walk. After all, you were still trying to investigate things; for your own peace of mind. The Biscuits room came to mind again, plaguing you with the question; what was going on in that room? You wondered if Law had any idea. He’d been here a bit longer than you had, though you weren’t sure how much longer exactly. It seemed like he already knew his way around the old laboratory, while you were still figuring it out. Based on that alone, your best guess was that he’d been here for at least two weeks or more.

The hallways were once again fairly empty; hardly occupied by anyone except for the occasional patrolling prisoner. You never really ran into them, though. You simply passed by them, glancing at them for hardly a second with a deadpanned, emotionless gaze. This was the front you had to put up. You knew by now you had a reputation for being a silent, stoically calm assassin. It’s what caused others to fear you. Even at home with your family, the others would take jabs at you for being so quiet. Some joked it was your personality, others claimed you’d learned the behavior after eating Corazon’s fruit. The reality of it was that you’d always been so silent as a way to protect yourself. There were very few people who’d seen your real personality, and only a handful of them were still alive.

As you began to realize you’d been lost in thought, you panicked due to not knowing the time. Digging through the small pockets on your leggings, you found the little golden pocket watch you had brought with you. Another thing you’d taken from your old home, your home before Doflamingo had taken you in. Looking at it, you realized it was incredibly close to sunset, not giving you very much time to make it all the way over to the old offices. You shoved it back into your pocket and hastily walked in the direction of the closest stairway.

From there, you navigated the many cold hallways until you found your way to where you’d been exploring yesterday. You could recall that all of the doors were shut when you’d been there previously, so when you stumbled into an open one, you figured that Law must be inside, waiting.

You took a deep breath for courage, trying to prepare yourself for it. With your eyes closed for a brief moment, you exhaled the deep breath and began taking steps toward the abandoned office. Of course, there was a chance that Law wasn’t even in this room, so you couldn’t just burst in calling his name. Quietly, you peeked your head into the dimly lit room, looking around for the pirate. Through the darkness, you spotted a familiar white hat, and smiled with relief.

“Shut the door behind you, Reaver-ya.”

The nickname caused you to giggle at the sound of it. Is that what he’d picked to be your version of the “-ya” names he gave others?

Gently closing the door so as to not cause any noises that would draw others’ attention nearby, you turned around and squinted, trying to see Law better as most light was now gone entirely. You slipped your hand toward the wall, feeling around for a light switch. You quickly found it, and with a buzzing noise, the white electronic lights flashed to life above you.

“So why did you call me here?” You started with, giving Law a sweet but shy smile. After all, you hardly knew him as the man he now was.

Law took a moment to respond, and in the time it took him, you’d approached him and sat on the table he stood behind, his body slightly slouched as he leaned into the metal wall. “A few reasons,” he answered coolly. “For one thing, I really want to know more about uhm, your abilities,” a light cough escaped him as he cleared his throat. “I also just… would like to get to know you, again.”

Your smile widened as you gazed up at him, suddenly feeling rather nervous behind your expression. His last sentence made your heart thump wildly, your mind leaping with excitement at all the possibilities for the meaning. Perhaps he felt similarly to you?

“I want to know who you are now, too, Law.”

He nodded, choosing to set his katana down for the time being. “What exactly?” He answered your question with another question. It was like the both of you were too shy of speaking first, for whatever reason. You knew your reason why, of course.

“Uhm,” you stuttered, face flushing for no particular reason. Just that this conversation was so casual and light-hearted, for now at least. Back in the day, you always enjoyed talking to Law like this. “Just… What have you been up to? I’m aware that you’ve become captain of the Heart Pirates, and then pulled some stunt to become a Warlord. But what else?”

Law hummed, somehow finding your response amusing. “Well. I’m not quite sure I can explain what I’m doing until I know where you stand, personally. You are here to kill me, no?”

“Or technically capture you,” you quickly corrected him. “I’m only supposed to kill you if you refuse to come with me. But, I think I made it clear last night that I have no intention of doing either.”

With a nod, Law found your response satisfying enough. “I suppose you’d be willing to help with my plans then,” he noted. “Y/n. I’m not here for some strange experiment reasons. I’m not here to research medical things.

“The truth as to why I’m here, is that I’m going to take down Doflamingo.”

Your eyes widened at his confession. “B-but how?”

“I’m going to destroy the SAD labs, and have the blame fall onto Caesar, which will then stop the mass production of SMILE fruits, resulting in the buyer retaliating.”

“Who’s the buyer?” You questioned, not having heard of any of this in the entire time you’d lived with the Donquixote Pirates.

“One of the four emperors,” Law told you, “Kaido, to be specific.”

You nodded. “And what do you expect Kaido to do?”

“I have no doubt that he’d kill Doflamingo himself. The SMILEs are essential to building his crew. Rather, his army.”

After taking a moment to consider everything, think of any and all possibilities of you assisting Law, you looked up at him with a confident smile. “Okay, I’m in. I can pretend to still be loyal to Doflamingo and help get any information you need.”

Law returned your smile, though his was more of a smirk. “Good. Now, back to… the other stuff,” he stuttered through his words, becoming less confident as the conversation topic shifted. “You- you’re an assassin, now?”

You nodded, almost pridefully. “Mhm. Remember how I used to play with pistols when we were kids?”

Law nodded at that, confirming he did in fact remember. A light chuckle left him as well, making you painfully aware of the longing in your heart. Longing for how close you’d been as kids, only you longed for a much different type of closeness. Anyway, that made you wonder what else he remembered; if he recalled as much as you still could.

“I eventually picked up sniper rifles. Now it’s my expertise, and Doflamingo thought my skill would be useful as an assassin,” You explained.

“Which is why you have the Calm-Calm Fruit,” Law said before you could even get there.

“Y-yeah. He gave it to me when I was eighteen. Said it was essential to my current role, and would then bring me to a more important one later. Though, I- I have no idea what that means.”

As the words came from your lips, everything started to make sense then. Before Law could respond to you, your eyes widened and you nearly shouted. “Wait! No, I… I do know.”

“You do?” Law stared at you with interest.

“Law… before I left, Doflamingo said he’d… give me the heart throne should I kill you,” your heart loudly pounded in your ears as you realized that this was all planned out for you this entire time. “But, if you come back with me, it’s yours.”

You didn’t want to try and explain the rest of the deal to Law, as you were a bit worried about the implied meaning of Doflamingo’s haunting words. As they echoed in your mind, you hoped Law wouldn’t realize that you were leaving out one, strange detail.

“There’s something else,” he commented. “I can tell by the way you’re acting. Don’t forget that I knew when you were lying back then,” he chuckled. “You still play with your hair when you lie even now, huh?”

You stared at Law with a pout, embarrassed that he remembered something as miniscule as that. “W-well. I’m not really lying,” you tried defending yourself.

“Then what are you doing?” Law smirked. He was being so playful with you, it warmed your heart. A smile danced on your lips before you remembered what you were talking about.

“I just, the last detail is… weird,” you started to say, a frown replacing the smile you’d just shown. “He’d said that they’d find a suitable position for me after you claim the heart throne. Th-that, I might get lucky…”

Law’s smile faded, and he raised an eyebrow as he too, was a bit confused.

“He and the other elites laughed, like it was a joke that I wasn’t clued in on. Everything… the way they laughed, how it was implied… I think they, um,” you trailed off, afraid of saying your thoughts aloud. Especially if you were wrong. Because then that would mean something different…

“It seemed like an innuendo of sorts, right?” Law then asked before you could spit the words out.

“Y-yes…”

He nodded gravely, expression darkening as he spoke again. “Knowing him, it probably meant they’d make you… mine.”

Your face burned as the idea made you flustered. But you had to hide that, so you frowned as you looked into Law’s gray eyes and nodded, confirming that you had the same suspicions. “I’m not sure exactly how I’d be yours, but… I guess it would be, um…”

“Weird?” Law answered for you, tilting his head as he spoke the word.

“Yeah,” you felt awkward now. So you continued to play with your hair, avoiding eye contact with Law now. “Doflamingo seems to think that we uh… were that close back then, I guess. W-well, as close as two twelve year olds can be,” You added with a light giggle.

“But we aren’t twelve anymore,” Law shook his head, and his tone didn’t indicate what he was feeling. You weren’t sure what to think of his words, now. “We’re both twenty-six.”

Eyes meeting the floor now, you couldn’t think of anything to respond with, so you chose to simply nod.

There was a thick layer of tension between you and Law now, and it seemed like both of you were feeling too awkward and afraid of breaking it. The old office room was silent for a few uncomfortable moments, before Law finally shattered the silence.

“Y/n, you… do you feel the- wait. Is that-?” He stopped his trail of thought, and your eyes flicked up to see where he was looking.

It appeared Law’s gray eyes were staring somewhere around your neck or chest. Regardless, his eyes were intensely set on you, and your body flushed with warmth as he gazed at you.

“You kept that old piece of junk?” Law took a step forward, suddenly reaching a tattooed hand out toward your neck. His cold fingers just barely grazed your skin, and your breath hitched as a shiver ran down your spine. You longed to feel those fingers more.

But that trail of thought was cut short, as you realized he was pulling the old necklace he’d made for you outward. He didn’t pull on it harshly enough to break it off your neck, but he did have it tugged toward himself, though the necklace wasn’t very long. That resulted in Law’s face now being incredibly close to yours, so close that you could feel his breath on your forehead. His breaths were warm and came out unsteadily, and you wondered if his heart was racing as fast as yours was right now.

“Wh-why wouldn’t I keep it?” You stammered out, eyes darting around as you tried to avoid looking at his hand. Though it was impossible, and your face flushed even darker as you could see it so close up. They were large, which wasn’t surprising given how tall he was, but they seemed almost muscular, but very well kept. You also took notice of how clean his nails were, as well as the tattooed letters of the word “death” looked freshly done. You wondered how old they were.

“Well it’s, just, literally scraps. And I was twelve, so I was naturally shit at making jewelry,” Law explained, and if you weren’t too busy staring at his hand so close to your neck, you would’ve noticed a slight smile forming on his lips.

“But you made it for me,” you breathed out, finally ripping your eyes away from his hand to look up into his eyes. “Law, I… I can’t describe how happy I was when you gave it to me, I just… felt so loved after living in a terrible place for so long. I couldn’t possibly get rid of it.”

It was now Law’s turn to be embarrassed, as his cheeks and ears turned more red as you spoke. He let go of the necklace, moving his hand toward his hat to bring it downward, trying to hide his face from you. It was… rather cute, honestly.

“...You mean that?”

With a smile, you nodded. “Of course, Law…”

The tension between you both now felt so different, so intimate as you stared into each other’s eyes, both unable to form any words. Your faces were so close, you could now feel his breath on your lips as his were parted open. The feeling of his breathing and just the warmth emanating from his body had you dizzy. You parted your own lips, slowly closing your eyes with a bat of your eyelashes. Was he going to kiss you?

But before anything further could happen, Law pulled away, leaving you feeling cold. Your heart was pounding within your chest, so loud that you were afraid Law could hear even if that was truly impossible. He could take people’s hearts out from their bodies, after all. Just as Law turned his head away, you remembered something.

“Law, what were you going to say… before…?”

His eyes widened, and Law seemed to choke on his words as he tried forming them. “I uh- I was going to ask… you, s-something. It doesn’t matter now.”

Despite how nervous you felt, a giggle escaped you. “But I want to know,” you pleaded.

“F-fine. Y/n, do you feel… the same as back then, like… we were-”

Before Law could finish the thing you wanted to know most right now, you were both interrupted by voices in the hallway outside the room you two stood in.

“Hey, I don’t recall the lights being on in that room,” it was a prisoner, by the sound of it.

There was a small window, and as you alarmingly looked through it, you could see yellow suits slowly approaching.

Before you could react, you felt Law’s hands on you as he pulled you away from the window, an arm wrapping around you as he held you close to his body in one arm, the other one reaching for his katana as he activated his power. “Room.”

Next thing you knew, you were now in a pitch black room, presumably the next one over from the office you’d just been in. As you tried regaining your balance, you bumped into Law, therefore pushing him backward a little. His arms hit something behind him, causing a loud crashing noise to sound out. Initially, you hoped it wasn’t so loud that the prisoners had heard. But your hope was quickly disappearing.

“What was that?”

“I think it came from another office. I’ll check the right one, you go left.”

Once again, you stood frozen in shock. You and Law were going to be found out, and then everything, your plan, your life as it was, would be over. However, Law was quick to react, and his arms once again reached for you, his hands grabbing you as he pushed you to the ground. He was above you currently, but he ended up rolling onto his back, and the room seemed even darker now as you realized he’d hid you both under a desk. But now, as you laid on top of him, his legs were pushing up on you as he struggled to fit them in the space underneath the desk. Damn him for being so tall.

Just as the door to the room opened, Law ended up folding his knees, and the lower half of your body slid between his legs. You were going to gasp at the very sudden, very awkward contact, when Law’s hand was forced over your mouth, silencing any noises you’d made.

The lights to the room flashed on, illuminating the office for about ten seconds, before they shut off. “Nothing here,” one of the prisoners announced, “you got anything?”

You could hear the other one call out “nope”, and then the clicking of two doors shutting.

With their voices and footsteps now faded away, you and Law were left entirely alone. His hand slipped away from your mouth, moving toward his face to rub his forehead as he cringed. Though, you could barely see this through the darkness.

Now free to move, you quickly stumbled off of Law, standing up and putting your face into your hands as your cheeks burned. Law followed you, a grunt leaving him as he stood up beside you. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you-”

“Don’t worry about it,” you hastily said, trying to sound collected and not at all freaked out.

You and Law stood in silence, and you were glad that the room was completely dark as it meant Law wouldn’t be able to see how flustered you were. This time, you were the one to break it. “It’s getting late. I think one of us should leave… so we’re not seen together.”

Law nodded, though you couldn’t see this. “Yeah. You can go first. I can just teleport myself elsewhere. We’ll meet here again tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay…” you agreed, feeling slightly disheartened that your time with him was already coming to an end for the evening. You headed for the door, placing your hand onto the handle before turning to look behind you, “um, bye, Law…”

He didn’t respond, so you left the room without looking back again. You didn’t know why, but your heart ached with pain at the fact that he hadn’t responded. Why were you so upset over something so stupid? Trying to soothe the heartache, you told yourself that he had probably already teleported away and just didn’t hear you… right?

The truth was, Law had heard you. He just didn’t know what to say, because of the fact he was so lost in his own head. All he could think about was the question he’d been so close to asking you, and how he longed for the answer.

He needed to know, for his own sanity.

#trafalgar law #trafalgar law x reader #trafalgar d water law x reader #trafalgar d law x reader #trafalgar law x you #trafalgar law x y/n #law x y/n #law x you #law x reader #law x female reader #trafalgar d water law x you #trafalgar d water law #one piece x reader

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fuzzydreamin · 1 year ago

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Doing the Writer Bingo thing, considering myself tagged by @theartofblossoming because they said so

I got bingo twice!

Gonna tag @new-eyes-extra-colors @bokatan and @nukanaptime if yall haven't already done it - blank template is under the cut along with me talking about my answers and writing - feel free to ignore it if you want lol.

I don't actually have any of my fics public rn because I hid all of my old ones (they were HP and thats blech now), but I had... 13 fics, including a completed multichapter amongst a bunch of oneshots and abandoned starters, lol.

So I have had a Fanfiction.net account, but I never posted fic on there. I just read fic there. I also read fic on a bunch of other old sites that don't exist anymore and haven't for many years, but didn't have profiles on them. I don't even remember their names, I know some were primarily non-english sites that just happened to have some of their fics translated - some of the best fics honestly. I've only ever posted on Ao3 because it wasn't until I was basically done with highschool that I felt confident enough to write publicly.

Never had a wattpad phase. Never even read fics on it and I honestly click away if fic links lead there. I just don't like how it's set up.

My most popular oneshots were my two hard E rated smut fics, which rivaled by multi-chapter fic for a while but got overtaken by it while I wasn't looking, hah.

Some of the earliest writing I ever did was roleplay. I joined a Warrior Cats roleplay guild on the Neopets forum as a wee child. I didn't even know what Warriors was when I joined, I just wanted to play with cats. It introduced me to the series though, which became a big part of my life with reading and art. The roleplaying was fun for a bit but... well there were issues but I guess we were all kids. Didn't help that they were all American so I had to do weird hours to join events. I don't do a lot of roleplay overall, I've dipped my toes in again here and there but never anything dedicated. It's rather intimidating honestly.

I've never beta read anything or had a beta. I work entirely alone and prefer it that way. I just do it all myself and quadruple check everything and then freak out after posting and check again and again to pick up any small spelling mistakes that might've slipped past me.

Always been a nerd for researching. Sometimes I'll be researching something by my own whimsey and that'll become part of a fic after the fact, lol. I like when authors sprinkle in little bits of knowledge, and some of my favourite fics are ones that have me highlighting terms to look them up further.

I never actually had an outline for any of my old fics. I would just start typing up whatever came to mind at the time and post it when it felt ready. It's a miracle I finished a multichapter fic at all honestly. But I'd also be manic in my writing, being that I'd blast out one or even multiple chapters a day for a while and then randomly stop and not look at any of my fics for months or even years. I did begin to start fics with some outlines and collected thoughts later on, and I'm outlining so very much with my newer fic and not writing in a manic state anymore thanks to nearly a decade spent working on my mental health. I'm writing from a better place now, but I often look back at my old works and wonder if I haven't lost something over time due to the large break I took in creating, which is something that goes for my drawing too. Overall though I have a lot more hope for my future works being more planned/thought out and far superior to anything I've put out before - though I didn't get many complains on my old stuff, just a lot of very confused watchers who got overstuffed and then left in the lurch. Sorry.

The "anxiously waits for feedback" thing I think is something pretty much everyone feels when they put any work out there. I really get it with the immediate posting and having to double and triple check that I didn't misspell anything, or get something wrong, and that what I'm trying to say comes out clearly - as if people will point it out and laugh at me or something when I know they won't / haven't even had time to read it yet even though it's public. I've found it's best to just distance myself after posting and doing my doublecheck though, like just enjoying a game or an episode of something and trying to forget about it for a bit and avoid checking it too frequently. Like meditating, but with a distraction.

I have commissioned art for fics at least twice - but neither of the fics actually made it to the point were the art could be used. Oopsy. Was still fun getting the art.

So many unfinished and unpublished fics. I could probably complete that Danse/Butch smut oneshot I was doing back at new years...

"Editing and formatting is hell", I mean... I've mentioned my tendency to quadruple-billion-times check things twice now. This makes three.

Ideas in the middle of the night are the worst. I can't type shit out on my phone, it takes too long and I get frustrated (I'm also sleeping next to my partner and he'd question wtf I'm doing with a light on), and even if I try the ideas are already escaping like very agile moths. My condolence is that ideas that come when I'm half-asleep probably actually aren't that good anyway and just seem so to my sleep-addled self.

I don't need tea to write, but it definitely helps. That or an iced mocha. ... it's totally the effect of caffeine and sugar on the ADHD... I'll be bouncing up and down while I sit there but at least my fingers will be moving over the keys.

#fuzzy.post

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labbydragon · 1 year ago

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I've been binging David M's videos about Cassandra Clare's fanfiction and the memories of the olden times have me thinking.

I was an actual child at the time, and while I was never involved with the specific community that produced all the HP drama, I was an avid drama watcher via all the usual snark blogs. I was however, more involved in Labyrinth fandom at the time. Never a Known Entity myself but I wrote fic and commented on plenty of fic and art on FFN and DA.

At the time, I thought it was wonderful that I was in a fandom where I often interacted with adults- because in Labyrinth fandom, at least in my experience, the adults were all very kind and generally excited to see a young person (they could always tell by my writing style, lol) who was interested in a movie that was made before they were even born. It was always things like, "I really liked this keep up the good work! Don't forget to read over your work a day or two after you write it, misspellings and grammatical errors might pop out at you better when you've been away for a bit." Encouragement, advice, general comradery.

But that wasn't always how adults were behaving in other fandoms- HP fandom was especially rife with whole adults going nuts on children, which was perhaps a reason I kept quite in those corners, not that I didn't lurk in them though.

As an adult now, I'm not very active in fandom per say. I read a lot of fic but I don't write it or even comment on things the way I used to. Coming back to this Tumblr blog is perhaps the most I've begun "interacting" with fandom via rebloging. Yes I make Youtube videos about media sometimes but I haven't done many as works of fandom right now- though I do think I'll be making some works of fandom type videos in 2024. But, ruminating on the old days has me thinking that while I certainly don't want to be the kind of adult who would discourage teens in fandom, I'd also like to not at all interact with them at all. Thought that is exceedingly unrealistic on the parts of the internet that still remain functionally anonymous. I simply have no desire to knowingly interact with young teens, not even to repay the kind mentorship I experienced in my youth. That isn't a role I'm willing or able to fill at the moment, as it feels fraught with issues I simply didn't see being on the child's side of the equation.

Anyway, just a little ramble- practically a diary entry- as Tumblr was sort of made for.

#fandom #journal #ramble #navel gazing perhaps

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jenosdaemi · 3 years ago

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crazy | qian kun

Pairing: idol! Kun x reader Genre: angst, fluff, crack (if you squint?) Word Count: 8.1k Warnings: Language, self-esteem issues, self-pitying, Kun obsessed with popularity ranking, WayV expressing tough love, this story might be a sensitive issue for some because there are fans who believe that Kun is being mistreated by SME (ie not giving him enough chance to showcase his talents) so if you're one of those said fans, please skip this one as this might trigger you. Thank you, love.

Summary: Kun believed he did not need anyone apart from himself and pushed everyone who tries to help him during challenging times. Then you came, a stubborn stylist that fell in love with an idol.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. It is not intended to offend or insult anyone. There will be inaccuracy in the timeline, just remember that this is fiction. Part of Shawn Mendes Playlist. Not proofread.

A/N: Okay. I tried reading this one just to see how bad my grammars and misspellings are and they’re the worst of the worst lol. I will have them proofread and edited once I get the time. Please try to understand whenever you encounter a series of annoying grammatical errors 😂

Taglist: @queenrachelpink @luvlyjaemin @busy-namjooning @chitaphrrrr @bebsky @sptegami @crvshcultur3 @renjuanaea @jenjnm @sunshinedhyuck @ne0yong @multihoe1 @jenyongcas @kuncitizen @flower-lise @chenlewifey @jj-ms @harrythefarmer @chichhihaa @nurenciye

Think I don't need a watch to tell the time Think I don't need the sun to help me shine Think I don't need a girl to be alright Guess I didn't know

The Year of 2015 when Kun left China to start his journey as an idol in Korea. To do music and to be known as a singer was something he always dreamed of. He knows he lacks many aspects- even in singing, the reason why he's so grateful that SM found something in him worth working on.

The joy and pride he felt when he was given an opportunity to sing a Chinese version of an NCT U song is something he would keep near to his heart forever. For a rookie like him, barely trained, to be trusted to represent a company is his proudest moment.

Kun is a very shy person and it's on the top of his list to improve. In 2016 he was featured and introduced in NCT Life with Winwin. Finally, he thought, he can practice the things he learned in training.

It was obvious that he put his best front and best attitude during the show. But it was a letdown that he did not receive the amount of recognition that Winwin got from the fans. He's happy for his friend of course but he cannot help to wonder what he did wrong and why he’s not making enough noise like his friend.

“That's alright gege. What matters is you did your best.” Winwin tried consoling him.

“I know that. I'm just wondering where I am lacking so I can work on it.” He said problematically.

“It’s our first reality show. Nobody does well on their first try.”

“You did well,” Kun said ruffling the younger’s hair.

“No, I did not either. I'm just cute.” Winwin grinned.

Kun spent most of his free time rewatching the show and judging the way he talked, moved and reacted. Taking mental notes of what looked awkward and timid. He should've talked a lot more, he should've loosened up a bit. He learned a lot by watching and comparing himself and he made sure that in the next reality show, he’ll do much much better.

All he could do is wait for the next opportunity given to him. He cannot demand an exposure yet. He’s still a trainee, a nobody.

In the meantime, he took training very seriously and was sacred. The members would have to remind him to rest because he hardly notices that he’s overworking himself. What can he do? It's his dream and he can feel that he can almost grab it.

“Kun, take a day off and treat yourself. Go to a sauna or have a massage. You’re exhausting yourself and it's not even necessary.” Ten scolded him. He’s at the practice room in the middle of the night dancing to old choreographies of senior idols.

He let go a deep sigh and sat down on the floor. “Why don't you go first? I can go home by myself.”

Ten raised his brow and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I could but you look like you're going to pass out. Why are you doing this to yourself?”

He sat beside Kun, keeping a distance between them. “To be better. I can sing for sure, but I don't think I'm great at dancing yet.”

His friend shook his head in disbelief. “I was watching you earlier. You were good! I don't know what else you're looking for.”

“You don't understand. This is my dream.”

Ten scoffed. “And what's this for me? A part-time job? Aren't we all sharing the same dream? Being an idol has to be fun for you to make the most of it or else you feel like you're doing this for the sake of the job. I know you're very critical of everything and that's okay, but you need to balance your life. Go out and have a little bit of fun, you'd probably meet a girl or someone.” He teased Kun.

Kun gave Ten a ridiculous look. “I don't need a girl, Ten. I'm alright. I know what will make me happy and that's why I'm doing what I’m doing now.”

Ten only sighed and shrugged. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” He tapped Kun’s shoulder and left.

Here comes 2018. The very first project of NCT 2018, Empathy. He's not officially debuted yet but was included in the title track ‘Black on Black.’

He’s finally putting his years of training and self-improvements to use. Kun was very excited to showcase his talent in singing and dancing. Even when he knows all too well that he’s never really given a center or a line in that one and only song, he remains absolutely optimistic.

The best and only the best. That's what he showed. He was once again given a chance to appear in variety shows. Although he wanted to draw attention to himself, he thought it's best to remain silent and let the debuted members get the limelight. He’s going to get his time one day.

Once again, he watched numerous shows they went to. Maybe he’s been too quiet. He could have given way to the other members yet still talked. Regrets, once again, towered over him. Another batch of ‘should haves’ lists and sleepless nights of reviewing the mistakes he's done.

2019 came and WayV debuted. He’s been given the task of a leader, a role that comes with so much responsibility. He’d be lying if he says he’s not being boastful of his given role. He talked proudly to his parents about it. To be chosen as a leader of a unit is definitely something to be proud of.

From teasers to mood samplers to origins, WayV is receiving a lot of attention and fans are overly excited to see them debut. Kun believed that this is the day he's waiting for, to be known, to be popular, to be seen.

Debut day came and it's only natural for them to track down their progress. A week after they debuted, they found themselves seated in the living room, browsing fan-made YouTube videos of their group. They stumbled upon a video of the popularity rank of NCT as a whole and decided to watch it.

He already had a bad feeling about it, but he didn't really want to shit on their trip so he kept quiet about it and watched it with the rest of WayV. His whole body went cold as if he was poured a bucket of iced water. He’s at the very bottom of the list. The least popular member of NCT is him. He could not move his body because of embarrassment.

Hendery looks at him with worry, “This cannot possibly be legit. We’re the ones that just debuted.” He was talking about Yangyang and Xiaojun, both nodding in agreement.

“We’re the ones supposed to be in the last.” Xiaojun added, but Kun remained speechless.

Ten put his hand on top of his hand and gave it a squeeze, “Don’t take it to heart. This is fan-made, I doubt its credibility.”

“No. It’s only fair. Technically, I only debuted with you three.” He looked at Hendery, Xiaojun and Yangyang with a forced smile painted on his face.

“But haven't you been introduced in 2016?” Yangyang asked, genuinely curious. Hendery smacked his head quite hard. His curiosity is not welcomed at the moment especially when Kun is probably thinking hard about what he’s been doing wrong.

Kun smiled at the younger boy and nodded, “Yes. But I’ve been gone for so long so they might not have remembered me. I’ll work hard for our group, I promise all of you that. Especially we have the best dancers, vocalists and rappers in WayV.” He winked.

And that’s what he did. He worked harder than ever. While doing everything to improve himself in every aspect, he also made sure that he’s not neglecting his role as a leader. He takes care of his members like how he would take care of his family. He’s the one who made their group a family and their dorm a home.

Aware of how compliments and appreciation affect someone’s will to do better, he made sure that no amount of good work is left unnoticed. Kun is great at complimenting the people around him but what he doesn't realize is where he lacks most: appreciating himself.

If he only stops for a second and looks back on how far he already went because of his hard work, then probably he’s not exhausting himself from dusk to dawn in a practice room and spending his nights watching how senior idols act in shows. Although WayV never failed to remind him that he’s not a loser like how he thinks he is, he still worked twice as much as everyone else’s. That’s how much he wanted to prove himself to the world and to himself.

Thought I didn’t need shoes on my feet Thought I didn’t need a bed to fall asleep Thought I didn’t need a long to be complete Guess I didn’t know That I just got this crazy feeling I’ve been making someone wait for me For me

What Kun didn’t know was that someone saw his hard work and how admirable he is. You saw how he struggled and how much he took care of his members. You’re a stylist for WayV and you have been working with them since their rookie days.

Being about the same age as them, you got along with the members and even considered them as your friends. Except for Kun. You’ve always known your feelings for him and you’re aware of how deeper you were falling for him every day.

Taking care of him as his stylist is one thing and taking care of him as yourself is another. You’ve seen how exhausted and consumed he was in his job, that's when you decided to do small things for him.

When they have scheduled something and they need your services, you will bring rice cakes for him and to the members. That one time that he came in with a sore throat, you remember asking almost everyone in that building if they happen to have ginger tea with them. During his birthday, which is also new year, you remembered sneaking out of your family party just so you can greet him and hand him your gift personally at their dorm.

And when you were close enough with the members and were given the privilege to come to visit them anytime you like, you always find yourself at their dorm early morning on weekends cooking breakfast for all of them with Kun in mind. You’d like for him to stay longer in bed and not worry about what to eat when their caretaker is on a day off.

Kun knows you like him, maybe more. He’s not that dense not to notice the things you've been doing for him, and his members certainly did not miss seeing them. He almost begged his members not to tease you about it, you see, WayV loves to make fun of these kinds of things and you look too pure to handle the severity of WayV’s love language, so he asked them to spare you from it.

In his mind, as long as he’s not showing you any signs of mutuality, you’d know that he has no intentions of getting into a relationship anytime soon. Everyone knows he’s just kind enough to not be bothered by your sweet gestures.

Some called you delusional for liking him and you tired yourself out explaining that you were not expecting him to like you back. You're simply doing these things to take care of him because you like doing them. People asked you so many times why you were so head over heels with Kun and you just look at them as if they're asking you something so ridiculous.

Because honestly, who’s not going to fall in love with that man? He’s smart, kind, polite, handsome, talented, dedicated and a gentleman. It’s almost impossible not to develop feelings for him. Especially after what he did for you.

It’s 8PM and you were seated, hugging your knees to your chest in the dark outside the studio, sobbing. You were working during the SMtown concert when your sister called you that your hamster just died.

Not that you were embarrassed to be seen crying. You remembered how your coworkers laughed at you when they found out how attached you were with your rodent. You just don't want to hear “That's just a rat” from them so you tried your best to hide from everyone.

The sound of the exit door opening made you hold your breath and it made you let out the loudest sob. You immediately slapped your hand over your mouth but it's too late. Kun heard you already.

He glanced to your side and saw you on the corner trying to make yourself invisible. Without questions, Kun took a handkerchief out from his pocket and handed it to you. “Are you okay?” He asked sweetly. Concern can be heard from his voice.

You nodded but the way he asked you made you feel sadder. “My… pet.” You sobbed.

He squatted in front of you so he's at eye level with you. “Passed away?” Again, you nodded. “I'm sorry for your loss. Can I know its name? How old is it?”

“Her name’s Bijou. She’s 18 months old but that's like 80 years old to… her kind.”

He went silent for a second. Did he find out that your pet was a rodent? Great, you’re a loser now.

“Bijou in… Hamtaro? Was your pet a hamster?” He asked. Surprisingly no judgment at all. Just a genuine question but you're too defensive to notice.

“What? Is it weird to have a pet hamster? It's a very common pet and just like any pet owner I would cry if my pet died!” You rambled chasing your breath after.

Instead of getting offended after being yelled at, it surprises you with what he did next. He caressed your back and lowered his head to catch your gaze. “Listen, cry when you're sad. It doesn't matter if people think it's weird or not. You understand?” Speechless, you only nodded for the third time tonight. He hummed then stood up. “And for the record, I think hamsters are very cute pets.” He said before walking back inside.

“Earth to Y/N!” Your co-worker, Soyou, called you. “Did you prepare WayV’s clothes already?” Snapping her fingers at you.

“I did! And I put cologne on one of them.” You grinned at her, wiggling your eyebrows. She only shook her head and laughed at you.

“You should have put colognes on all seven of them! Why do you just put them on Kun’s?” She asked, laughing. “Actually, you know what? Don't answer that. It's not like you're being discreet that you like him.”

“Exactly. Also because this is the expensive perfume that I bought with my hard-earned stylist money. I decide who gets to smell good.” You answered jokingly. “And his lunch for today is homemade wonton soup with stir-fried sweet and sour chicken.” You said while taking out two Tupperware from your lunch bag and a thermos.

“And what's that? Tea?” Soyou pointed at your large thermos.

“It's soup. To keep it hot. Nobody likes lukewarm soup.” You opened the lid and showed it to her. It is definitely still hot because it made her eyeglasses fog.

“Wow. You're more than a stylist. I hope somebody would like me this much.” Soyou said as she looked at the food you packed.

You smiled sadly at her and looked down at the lunch you prepared for Kun. “You know I'm not doing this just because I'm a thoughtful stylist.”

“You like him. We all know. Like I said, it's not like you're hiding it.” She rolled her eyes at you and chuckled, which made you laugh also.

“Not just that! He’s very attentive to others but neglectful when it comes to himself. I don't know if you see this, he puts in the most effort but he always receives the least recognition. He deserves more. He kind of made me want to take care of him.” Soyou is quietly shaking her head vigorously and coughing a few times to stop you from talking, but all efforts are left unnoticed by you.

“Good morning?” A voice behind you says that you found out to be Xiaojun. Standing at his back are the rest of the members. You have no idea how much they've heard, but you're certain that they heard something.

And Kun didn't like what he heard. He stared at you with so much disappointment. You sounded like you're pitying him and he hated it so much. He can very much feed himself let alone take care of himself and he doesn't need anybody to do something he’s capable of doing. If you're doing all of these just because you feel sorry for him for being the least popular, then it's probably best for you to find a different group to work with because he doesn't need your pity.

You wanted to greet him but Kun was clearly avoiding your eyes. Did they all hear you say that? Did you embarrass him in front of his members? Was he mad at you? All of your questions were confirmed when he seated himself in front of a different stylist. Leaving you standing alone beside his supposed chair.

“Gege, I don't think you're meant to be there.” Lucas said after realizing Kun stole his spot from him.

“Uh- Just find an available seat. Sorry.” Kun answered without looking away from the mirror in front of him.

You fiddle your fingers and look down at it. A gentle touch on your back made you glance up. It was Lucas. “I'm excited to work with you today!” He beamed with a big grin plastered on his face. “Oh, is this your lunch?” He gestured on the Tupperware you brought out.

“Yes.” You smiled. “But I don't think I could finish this alone, do you want to share it with me?” You're a big eater and you can definitely finish them by yourself, but you lost your appetite so it's better to let someone else eat it or else it's going to be a waste.

“Yeah! What the hell, I love wonton! Do I have to wait for lunch to eat this? Can I eat my half now?!” He yelled, which made you laugh. You opened them for him and let him dig in the food you prepared, “Eat as much as you can. Don't worry about me.”

Lucas is very easy to work with. He would just sit there and entrust his look at you. He never breaks out of a conversation and you actually enjoyed chatting with him.

Soon enough you finished working on his hair and you're already done dressing him. You're doing a few touches on his lips and you notice his face is scrunched up. “Is my hand smelly?” You joked, knowing too well that your hands smelled like vanilla. It's important for you to wear a scented lotion so it won't bother Kun once you get too close to his face, it's a good habit that you always do now.

“No.” He laughed. “But Y/N my clothes smelled too new. Like fresh from the store and just taken out of the package.” He joked but you know he’s telling the truth.

The ones they're wearing are sponsored by Celine and they can't wash because they have to be returned after the contract with them has expired. It was the reason why you always spray your cologne on Kun’s clothes so he won't have to smell them during the performance.

“Do you have perfume with you? We can spray it around the neck.” You suggested but he shook his head. “Okay, one second. I have a cologne here that you can use.” You said and looked for the cologne inside of your bag.

“Am I not going to smell like a girl?” He whined.

You chuckled. “No. It's a unisex cologne. You’ll only smell like baby powder, don't worry.” You winked at him. Lucas always wore a strong manly perfume so it's understandable that he's worried to smell like a woman.

Finally, you saw the bottle of cologne and were about to spray it on him when Kun harshly tugged Lucas out of the dressing room with him. “The show’s going to start soon.” He coldly said to Lucas, not giving you much attention. You were left there standing alone, with a spray bottle in your hand.

The show started half an hour later. You're all I think about when I'm awake Part of every night and every day And everything's a mess when you're away Now I know All of this is getting really old I'm having trouble sleeping on my own Feeling like a house but not a home I want you to know

The Resonance era came. Everyone's schedule was busy, even his. He was told that he’s going to have several recording schedules and a couple of music video rehearsals.

The NCT 2020 project is better than the last one. Everyone is included in NCT U, meaning no one was left behind. Kun was sorted with the vocalists of the group, hence the From Home unit. They were given the demo with the lyrics and made them listen to it. He was very excited especially when they were told that they will sing in their mother tongues.

A week later they were given the divided and distributed lyrics of the song. To his disappointment, he was literally just given two solo lines, three lines of lead and that's it. He tried shrugging it off and did his best to be grateful for it. It's still better than nothing. He thought.

Once again, he only showed his best and nothing else other than the best. NCT 2020 is the biggest project that the group has and if he wants to overturn his situation, he needs to give his best. Kun became so obsessed with popularity ranking that he’s starting to forget to have fun at work. He’s always comparing himself to the supposedly ‘popular’ members and tried acting like them.

You saw all of it. In a short span, you saw how Kun slowly started to lose himself as he tried becoming someone else he’s not. All he thinks about is the ranking that he fails to remember that he already has a solid fan base and loyal fans that will stick with him through thick and thin.

It's none of your business. That's what you continuously remind yourself of. It doesn't matter if you like him, it's his life and he has every right to live it the way he wants to live it. But the fact that nobody sees these unhealthy changes other than you, makes you feel more responsible for him.

Before the release of Resonance’s music video, the members were given early access to see them first. On a Saturday morning, Kun sat in his room and watched the music video alone on his bed. He started off excited but it died down as the video prolonged. He could barely find himself. It's almost like he wasn't even there. If he did not participate, nobody would ever notice that he wasn't there.

It was his last straw. His patience was emptied and he felt underappreciated. All he could think about are the injustice he’s getting both from the fandom and the agency. What he didn't notice is he’s not the only one that didn't get enough screen time in the music video. He’s not the only one that is almost always at the bottom of popularity rankings. He's not the only one that receives the least line distribution.

He was blinded by his dream that he lost the reason why he’s doing his best. For the fans. The fans that were there when he was nothing and now that he is a successful artist known worldwide.

It's Saturday and you always try to visit WayV during weekends. You bought groceries with you so you could cook them something for dinner. Carrying three grocery bags in one hand, you tried unlocking their door using the key they gave you. You opened the door and were welcomed by the silence of the dorm. Is nobody home?

You continued walking inside and went straight to the kitchen to put down the heavy bags you brought. From the kitchen, you saw a figure sitting on the floor in the living room area with his head resting on the couch. It's Kun. And drunk.

You quickly went to him and tried sitting him up, “Kun, are you okay?” He only shoved your hands away. “I can take care of myself.” He’s so drunk you can barely understand him. You held his arm again and tried helping him sit on the couch. “I know you do, but let me help you still. Okay?”

Kun did not just shove your hands away but also pushed you making you fall on your butt. You were so taken aback and looked at him surprised. He stood unsteadily and pointed at you. “I don't need you! Leave me alone! And don't you dare feel sorry for me ever again! Do you think I need your fucking pity? I was trying to be nice to you and tried showing you that I don't want anything to do with you but you're a fucking delusional! Just because of what? I showed you a bit of kindness when your freaking hamster died?! You have very low standards. I feel sorry for you! That's how it should be, not the other way around! You’ll throw yourself to anyone who shows you kindness how fucking sad is that? But that'll explain why you're so desperate for a dick-” A slap flew across his face the same time the door opened. Kun sobered up quickly.

The members stopped in their tracks after witnessing their leader getting slapped by you. Kun did not move an inch. The second he felt the stinging pain on his face was when he started replaying the words he said.

“What's happening?!” Ten asked aggressively. They didn't hear what their friend told you and there is no way in hell you’ll stay in that dorm with them if they'll blindly take Kun’s side.

You quickly grabbed your purse from the kitchen and left their dorm squeezing yourself through their bodies blocking the doorway, keeping your head low to hide the tears running down your face-- which you failed at miserably. Everyone, except Kun, follows your figure until you're out of their sight.

“What the fuck happened?” Ten asked again but this time to his friend. Ten got the gist of what's happening while eyeing the empty bottles of alcohol on the table. But it's still a mystery why someone like you- who's not capable of hurting someone, especially Kun- would do such a thing. “What? Is this about popularity ranking bullshit again?!”

“Ten.” Winwin grabbed Ten’s arm, stopping him from getting closer to Kun who's still not moving, yet audibly sniffing.

“Sure it's not a big deal for you, but it is to me! You don't understand shit because you're a crowd favourite! I’d be okay if I'm not at the bottom but I am. I've always been the last for how many years. I was the last when the group had 18 members, also the last when we had 21 and still the fucking last now we have 23. It feels like my efforts were constantly being overlooked. I am sick and tired of feeling like my best isn't enough to get what I deserve!”

“Kun you're the only one who thinks that way! We did our best to make you feel better, we helped you to get that obsession out of your system! You're forgetting why you joined this group in the first place! You came here because you wanted to sing, make music! Look what you're doing, you're constantly looking down on yourself. You're not being overlooked by everyone but one thing is for sure, you're the one who disregarded the support and love of the fans that believed in you and pushed the people who genuinely care for you. You should know that you're not a loser but you're definitely pathetically acting like one.” Ten walked out and slammed his bedroom door, leaving Kun seated on the couch with both of his hands on his face.

You’re all I think about when I'm awake Part of every night and everyday And everything’s a mess when you're away Now I know All of this is getting really old I'm having trouble sleeping on my own Feeling like a house but not a home I want you to know

WayV didn't have any schedule for three days. In those three days, Kun stayed in his room. He spent all his time reflecting on what he did and what Ten had said. Kun looked back on how consumed he was with jealousy and self-pity. Embarrassed to say that he's wrong and a coward to face people he hurt. Despite those, he did his best to fix himself and man up to apologize. He started with his members.

He would try to talk to them one by one but he remembered what he does best: taking care of them. Kun woke up earlier than usual, cleaned the dorm and cooked them breakfast. The members wake up just in time for breakfast, Kun quietly sets the table and they all without a word sit on their respective seats.

Kun watched his members eat breakfast in silence and decided that it's the best time to speak. “I'm sorry.” He said, fiddling with his fingers. “For being a pain and being self-centred. I did a lot of reflecting alone and realized my mistakes. I'm sorry.”

His members were just looking at him while he talked, chewing on their food. Ten shrugged and continued eating, “Took you long enough.” All of them also shrugged and went back to eating as if he didn't just pour his heart out on them, but that made Kun smile to himself. He’s forgiven.

The day they finally worked back on their schedule, Kun immediately looked for you the second he entered their dressing room. The space is not big and he could spot you instantly if you were there, but he stood there for a couple of minutes trying to comprehend that you weren't there. Kun approached your friend, Soyou, and asked her for your whereabouts.

It was obvious that she did not expect that Kun would look for you, her eyes shifted from one thing to another avoiding eye contact as much as possible, “She’s uh… She's off today, I guess? It's Sunday and she's always with her parents on Sundays.”

He knows for a fact that you're not always with your parents on Sundays because you have spent a good amount of your Sundays with them in their dorm before, but he shrugged. Maybe you really are with your parents.

Kun told you to leave him alone, so you did. You asked to get transferred to a different group. What he said was something you took into your heart. Call it pettiness, it didn't matter anymore how much you liked him, you were hurt and offended. You know you didn't deserve that so you got up and left.

You’d say it was easier working with Red Velvet if you weren't missing the very reason you decided to leave their group. The girls were just lovely and very sweet, most of them were soft-spoken with their own version of crazy sides. They were very sisterly and you were treated no different from them.

It's been a week since you left WayV. Yes, you were mad at Kun but you can't explain why you feel sad that you’re not seeing him and his members anymore.

Kun on the other hand is not doing any better, he's miserable. He’s used to sleepless nights, but not you being on his mind all the time. He starts his day thinking of you and ends it with you still in his mind. At first, he thought it's probably because of guilt, but he felt what feeling guilty was like before, and it's not it.

Every time he goes to their schedules, he would look for you. Resonance promotion is beating everyone's ass, but he's stressing out because he misses you too much. The sound of footsteps in the hallway always sounded like yours, he sees you in every crowd he went to, the sound of their dressing room opening constantly gives him mini heart attacks. As creepy as it may sound, he stole the clothes he wore at the music awards because they smelled like your perfume.

It only took him two weeks to realize that it's more than just owing you an apology. It's more than just wanting to make it up to you. It's clear to him that the crazy feeling he is feeling is just nothing, he reciprocated your feelings. He likes you just as much, if not more.

Kun still believes that you were on a vacation with your family and he genuinely wished you to have fun but wanted you to come back quickly. It was a mess without you near him, your presence alone puts everything in its rightful places. He knows you're all that he’s missing and he swore he will never waste a single second when you come back. He always thinks about how he would approach you when he meets you and how he would apologize and prepare himself for how you would react. He’s only getting a second chance once and he wanted to do it right.

Another week has passed and you're still out of sight. Kun sat in front of a mirror, a stylist he met for the first time fixed his hair. He didn't like how she did his hair, that's not how you do it, but he kept quiet. After his hair, he was told to change clothes and handed his attire. It became his habit to sniff the clothes he’s going to wear, it smelled nothing. His stylist fixed his lipstick and her hand did not smell like vanilla.

Your absence was slowly creating a hole in his heart. An empty void that no one can ever fill, just you. His days are dull and his nights are depressing. His weekends are tiring and his weekdays are drawn-out. He just wants to hold you close and never let you go.

That I just got this crazy feeling I've been making someone wait for me For me

A month. You're gone for a month and Kun is starting to ask more questions to your friend. Sure you’re on a vacation, but does the company even allow a month-long vacation during a heavy schedule of promotions?

“Just tell me where she is and I swear I'll leave you alone.” Kun almost begged Soyou. She would have told everything already if she didn't promise you not to tell him anything about the changes you made. This man is testing her loyalty with treats every day, now with a box of freshly baked macaroons. She's starting to hate you for making her go through this hardship.

Soyou rolled her eyes at him, “Now for the nth time Kun, I still don't know, okay? All I know is she's on a vacation with her parents. That's it!” She went past him getting a flatiron to style Yangyang’s hair.

“You're not telling me something. I can feel it” Kun insisted.

“Gege, she said she didn't know. Give her a break.” Yangyang interrupted. Kun told him to shut up and shoved the box of macaroons on his chest.

Soyou raised her eyebrows at Kun and pointed at Yangyang, “Listen to this baby right here. Give me a break. I don't know anything.”

“I'm not a baby. I'm twenty now.” Yangyang mumbled, munching on the treats.

Defeated, Kun gave Soyou a breather and did not ask any more questions. Kun slumped himself on his chair and took his phone out. His lock screen is WayV but when he opened it, his home screen was a picture of you and him on the first day of their first promotions. He changed it that one night he missed you the most. It was the only picture he could find of you and him, and he despises how he didn't put his arms around your shoulders or at least smile a little bit more back then. Nevertheless, you are still the most beautiful woman she's ever seen.

He stared at his home screen. You ought to come back. This is your job and you love doing this job. You have to come back, right?

A knock on their door echoed in their quiet dressing room, a man probably a few years younger than him, popped his head through the ajar door and scanned the room before setting his eyes on Kun. “Hey Kun, are you busy? The director wanted you to check the audio we're going to play for your performance later.”

“I think you should ask our manager Hyung for that.” Kun hesitatingly suggested, but it's true that it was the manager's job to keep everything checked out.

The boy scratched his nape, “I couldn't find your manager. I've been roaming around for 20 minutes and the director is losing his patience with me. Please?” Kun chuckled and got up from his seat to follow the boy.

Their performance is not going to happen in two hours. Kun is still wearing the clothes he wore from their dorm on the way here but his hair is already styled. He followed the boy to the audio room and did what he was told to do.

Kun walked back alone back to WayV’s room and walked past the MC’s busy dressing room. He took one quick glance at it and stopped in his tracks. He saw something awfully familiar in that room and he didn't know if he’s actually seen you or his mind is playing tricks on him again.

He took a few steps back to peek inside the room. And there you were. Busy putting makeup on Red Velvet’s Wendy who happened to be the host for today’s show. You’re not on vacation. You're here. Why would Soyou lie to him? Why would you ask Soyou to lie for you? He stood there for what seems like forever and watched you move.

He misses you. He wanted to greet you and ask how you have been, but the fact that you lied for being on vacation and now that you're clearly working for someone else made him rethink if it's a good idea to approach you.

“Kun! I've been looking everywhere for you!” Ten yelled as he ran towards him. Kun wanted to slap Ten’s mouth to shut him up but it's too late. You heard his name and are now looking at him.

Ten immediately caught up on the situation and was quick to remove himself from it “Actually… I'm good.” Then ran back to their dressing room.

Guess I need a watch to tell the time Guess I need the sun to help me shine And I really need you in my life Now I know

You played with your tall glass of chocolate milkshake, keeping your eyes on it, trying your best to avoid Kun’s stare who probably drank the whole teapot of green tea.

“You need to speak soon. I still have work to do.” You said coldly.

You’d be lying if you deny that you missed him. For all the years you stuck with WayV, you always found ways to check up on him, to visit him and talk to him. The past three weeks were as hard for you as it was for Kun.

Kun shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. He’s never felt this nervous since the day he has mistaken SM’s callback as a scam call. You finally looked up and caught his eyes. His eyes spoke a thousand words for him in a millisecond, but his lips were shut closed.

“Uhm… First, I-I'm sorry.” He lowered his head. “I am truly sorry for the words I have said. I won't even make excuses for it, I am wrong and you don't deserve them. Second… I never meant it when I said I don't need you because heaven knows how much of a mess I was without you.”

Your heart pounded so loud in your chest. What did he just say?

“I’m sorry I was so preoccupied with self-pity that I didn't realize this sooner. I like you and I need you. I overlooked your efforts to make me feel other than underappreciated. You were my number one fan, the person who truly believed in me when I didn't. Who takes care of me when I neglect myself. You were the one who became selfless when I was being selfish. If it wasn't too late- and god I hope it wasn't- I would like to take you out on a date please.”

You blinked at him. Unbelievingly comprehending what just happened. You probably look stupid now, but you couldn't care less. You came here expecting an apology from him and that's it. Never in a million years did you ever imagine him confessing to you.

“Y/N?” He called out to you.

“I-I don't know, Kun. What you said hurt me, you judged and accused me of something I am not.” You started. Kun stared at his fingers on his lap. It's understandable that you're turning him down and he couldn't blame you for it. “But I guess you can continue asking me out, maybe I could change my mind. No promises though.” You smiled at him.

He grinned back, showing his beautiful dimples. “That's good enough for me.”

Kun did not only show you how sorry he was, he also proved to you that he was serious about what he said. He pulled strings to know your schedule and would always find time to visit you.

It was his turn to bring you rice cakes at work and when Red Velvet won an award, he bought you a bouquet of flowers as if you're part of the group when you're only really responsible for their looks.

He would always wait for you to finish your work no matter how tired he was from practicing. He would just sit quietly in one corner and doze off. And when you wake him up, he would wake up with a smile on his face just happy to see you as soon as he opens his eyes.

For the first time, he visited you in your apartment and cooked you his specialty dish. He didn't let you raise one finger and just had you watch him cook. The two of you talked about yourselves and got to know each other pretty well. It was probably one of the most peaceful days Kun had in ages.

He persuaded and courted you for months. Kun slowly redeemed himself from the mistakes he's made, and you’re slowly forgiving him for hurting you. For the past weeks, Kun has been nothing but a sweetheart to you. He opened up to you about his past and his insecurities, his passion for music and the obsession he had with popularity ranking.

Kun was not afraid to show you his bare soul and you did the same. The feeling you had wanted to take care of him finally made sense. Looking at Kun now holds a different meaning. You're not just looking at the person you adored, but the person you love.

You smiled to yourself. It's time.

It's been three months since Kun apologized to you and is still trying to take you out on a date. Time flew, Kun didn't even notice that he’s been waiting for a date with you this long and he didn't mind one bit. The best ones always take their time.

Kun was busy promoting his new single with Xiaojun and he knows you were busy helping Red Velvet for their comeback. It's only been two days that he hasn't seen you, but it felt like an eternity.

He glanced at his phone to check if you sent him any text messages. None. He sighed and put his phone down. He's been texting you all day but you never replied, were you that busy? Did you forget your phone? He's worried, but he calmed himself down.

Kun and Xiaojun finished their schedule later than usual. It's almost 2AM when they get into the van that will drive them back home. Once again, he checked his phone but still nothing from you.

Xiaojun noticed him and chuckled to himself, “Lovesick?”

He smiled at the teasing. “No. I'm just worried. But I guess she was too busy. I'll try again tomorrow.”

About an hour later, they finally made it back to their dorm. Kun was practically dragging himself to the elevator and to their front door. He inserted the key and lazily opened the door with his body.

A loud pop of confetti was heard. Their ceiling was filled with helium balloons. There’s a 'CONGRATULATIONS KUN’ banner on the wall. Surprisingly, they’ve managed to turn their messy dorm look quite festive.

His members have party hats and red plastic cups. There is a feast on the table and the pets are locked in Ten’s room. Xiaojun came up a minute later wearing a knowing smile. He’s also in it.

“What's this for?” Kun asked with a smile on his face.

The members without a word gestured to his bedroom. He walked towards it, eyeing each of them cautiously. He could never trust these people with his life, they just played too many games and tricks on him he had enough trust issues for a lifetime.

He slowly turned the door open and he was welcomed with a fresh smell of numerous vanilla candles that are illuminating his whole room. There are rose petals on the bed and balloons all over the floor. There are cards of screenshots of appreciation and compliments from the fans that are hanging on the ceiling. Above his headboard is another banner, but this time it reads differently.

“Can you be my boyfriend?” Someone read it behind him. He turned around to see you standing with a plate of the same rice cakes you used to bring him. “Please?” You added with a grin plastered on your face.

Kun smiled and pulled you closer to his chest. You put down the plate of treats and snaked your arms around him. He gently pressed a kiss on your head, trying hard not to let his tears fall. He's overjoyed with what's happening that he lost his words.

You carefully pulled yourself away from him and looked him in the eyes. “You haven't answered my question yet. You're always making me wait Mr. Qian.”

He chuckled, “When did I ever make you wait? I was the one waiting for a date with you.”

“I’ve always liked you since 2016. I thought you already knew that?” You pouted.

Kun smiled and cupped your face, “And you won't need to wait for me anymore. I'd be crazy to make you wait longer than you should have. I love you Y/N.” He closed the gap of your lips and kissed you passionately, gaining groans and cheers from the members that are long forgotten.

“I would say get a room but we are in their room,” Hendery said before walking out and was quickly followed by the others.

That you give me this crazy feeling And you won't have to wait no more for me For me And I just got this crazy feeling I've been making someone wait for me

Okay. This is my second story and I still feel very nervous that I had to set this up on queue instead of manually publishing it lol.

If it's not too much to ask, I would love to know what you think of this one. Again, so very thankful to each and every one of you who read up to this point!

Next Story: Jaehyun | Memories

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tartagliad · 3 years ago

Text

Seeing you for the first time pt.2 (ft. Albedo, Xingqiu, Venti, and Razor)

summary: how they react when seeing you for the first time

G/N reader

warning(s): misspellings, grammar mistakes (?), some scenes from windblume festival in Venti's and some from Razor's lore and a little angst ig

fluff!

(A/N: hey there, I'm back..this time I wrote for the other characters, i hope you enjoyed it)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Albedo:

You met this boy at Dragonspine

That boy literally spent 24/7 of his life in that place ._.

He was at Starglow Cavern, painting cave structures and some hilichurls

You entered the cave and continued your adventure there (finding the history about the place)

Suddenly, a bunch of hilichurls started to attacked you..

There he saw how calm you are in that position, just swaying your sword back and forth elegantly

He just stands there and didn't realise that you've finished fighting the hilichurls and stared at him

"You know..it's not nice to just stand there and do nothing" you joke

"Oh..uhh sorry, I kinda zoned out.." he blurts

"ahaha, it's alright..i can see it on your face" you said

Albedo is literally stunned by your appearance, your figure, your eyes, everything

"I'm y/n, are you always go to this place?" you asked him

"Oh uhh, yes actually..i always do some research on this place..I'm Albedo btw" he respond

"Ahh I see.." you said, after that you accidentally saw his paintings

There was a painting of hilichurls and sketches of..you fighting?

"uhh are those your drawings?" you asked him

His face flushed because he got caught sketching a portrait of you

"Uh..yeah, you were an interesting...'view' let's just say..so I decided to draw you" he confess

You actually find his drawings beautiful yet pleasing to look at

"Wow..these are beautiful" you speak

The boy is literally out of words ngl, he's used to get some compliments from other people, but somehow..compliments from you made him flustered

"a-ah..w-why thank you.." he said

"Uhm..maybe you could come and join me next time..maybe pickup some materials or sightseeing areas of Dragonspine" he adds

"Of course, I'll go with you" you said

You two always spend time together at the mountains, well.. even though you don't go there everyday..lol

You always helped Albedo on his 'unusual' experiments or even tell him your stories of your adventures

The boy loves your eyes, he literally could get lost in those beautiful pairs..

Even though he painted it or sketches it..the feel is still different compared to looking at it directly

The feel just makes his heart race..<3

"𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐'𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶.."

Xingqiu:

Like Albedo, he always spent most of his time at a certain place, for him..the place is the library

So... you obviously met him there

He was looking for a book that he wants to read since the last couple of months

The book was actually rare that not many people knew or read it..so he's looking for it

You actually borrowed the book from the library and you wanted to returned it

He currently asking the librarian when you suddenly walk to the counter and returned it

"I heard that you want to borrow this book?" you asked

"Oh..yes, I've been wanting to read it for sometime now" he answered

"It's quite rare that people actually read this book though and yet it actually caught your attention" he added

You nodded and smile at him "Yes actually, I was reading a few pages and then I was so in to the book, i have to borrow it"

You both laughed as you leave the library

"My name is Xingqiu btw, may I ask yours?" he asked

"I'm y/n, nice to meet you Xingqiu"

There, you two talked for archons know for how long

You two sometimes switched books from your collections or maybe go out and find some interesting books

Other than reading, Xingqiu enjoys going on adventures with you

Seeing the nature around him makes him feel lighter

He really loves to read books though, but he tries to make you comfortable as much as possible around him

Maybe he'll try to take you out on a stroll around Liyue Harbor or maybe eat at Wanmin Restaurant, depending your mood

Sometimes you guys planning to pull another prank on Chongyun LMAO

He wants to make sure that you're comfortable around him and feel happy around him

All in all, he wants to see you enjoyed his company

"𝘏𝘦𝘺, 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘨𝘰 𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘟𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨'𝘴 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦? 𝘐 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘶 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶.. 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘨𝘰 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘦..𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦"

Venti:

You met him at The Windblume Festival

It was your first windblume, so you're still confused about the traditions that happening around

He was in front of the Cathedral finding students for his poetry class

When he saw you, he waved at you and you approached him

"Hey there! New to the festival?" he asked

"Oh yes, I've lived in the city for awhile but i never experienced this festival before.." you answered

"Ehe, allow me to explain it. The Windblume Festival is a Festival in Mondstadt celebrating the thousand winds. Usually, the people of Mondstadt offers windblume to the anemo archon and to their special loved ones" he explains

"The people actually have to take their matters into their own hands, so they don't really have anything to get helped with" he added

"Is that why when I asked if anyone needs help, they say they don't need one?" you asked again

"Hehe, that's right" he says, "Oh, I haven't introduced my self haven't I? ehe, my name is Venti, the most popular bard in town!" he adds

"Your that bard, I've heard great things about you, my name is y/n, I'm just a regular adventurer.." you replied

He shrugged and acts a little nervous when you said that

"So uh.. want me to take you around town and see what people are doing?" he offered

"Sure, that would be nice.." you said

With that you two took a stroll around the town

Seeing people prepare gifts for their loved ones, the atmosphere feels so wholesome

You guys even took a little trip to Windrise, and he even play you a tune or two

You really enjoyed his company and he’s enjoying it too

During the festival, you guys grew closer together, and maybe you guys would perform together in front of the Cathedral

You were really happy that you have someone to enjoy the festival with

Even Venti feels a lot of joy hanging out with you

He wonders that he could be with you for a long time..

Well, whatever he is feeling, he wants to grow more closer to you :3

"𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸.. 𝘪 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳'𝘴 𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘪 𝘶𝘴𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦..𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵. 𝘞𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘴𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦? 𝘦𝘩𝘦"

Razor:

Bless this wolf boy :")

You two met at his habitat, Wolvendom

You were currently adventuring at that place

When you're peacefully strolling around the place, you saw a bunch of wolves dead..

So you rushed to see where it was coming from

There, you saw a boy fighting against an abyss mage, boi... that thing really do like to cause trouble

The boy looked really angry despite the mage killed his wolf packs

You determined to help him and so you did..

After you two defeated the mage..he turned to look at you, "thank you... lupical, dead.." he said

This baby almost cried because he couldn't save all of them, only a few of them that are safe..

"I tried to protect them...but I failed...", he said in a sad tone

You looked at him sympathetically, "aww..it's alright..you tried your best, it's not your fault.." you said to him

He looked really sad and disappointed, but at the same time he felt kinda relieved that someone was there to help him

"Why did you come here..?" he asked, "Oh, I was just adventuring and then I suddenly found you..." you said

"My name is y/n.." you added, "I'm Razor"

"Do you come from here Razor?" you asked again, "yes..I was raised by wolves, Razor has no human family" he said

You were shocked that there's actually someone who is raised by wolves

"I see..." you said, "I think some of your wolf friends got hurt..may i help?" you offered him

Razor nodded and help you as much as he could

"There, that should do it.. they can't move that much for awhile, but they'll be alright.." you said to him

Razor was very grateful that he could find you, maybe he would be doomed if you hadn't come..

"You're strong...can Razor learn from you..?" he asked shyly :")

"Of course, I would be happy to teach you" you say

Razor smiled a little, he wanted to learn from you so that he could protect his lupical if something bad like this would happen

The next day, you came back to Wolvendom and train him

He picked up the lesson pretty quickly, and he now learnt how to use his Vision

You even teach the boy how to write and read loll v:

You came to Wolvendom couple of times, and besides train him, you helped him hunt some meats to eat

You never really force him to come and live at the city, but if he wants to visit it once or twice..you bring him there

Razor is really happy now that he learned new things from you and also has a friend that helped him..

Sometimes he wonders if he could protect you from danger too

He just didn't want to lose you like he loses his other wolf friends

Razor silently swore to him self that he will protect you from any danger that you encounter

Overall, you guys cared about each other and wanted to protect one and other, he just wishes that you'll be saver around him <3

"𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘙𝘢𝘻𝘰𝘳... 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘳𝘦 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰..𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥, 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(A/N: AHHH this is not like I wanted in my head...I hope you liked it, leave me some suggestions what I should write next, I still have some couple of ideas, but requests are open...so yeah ANYWAYS- thank you and good day :D)

Here are the rules if you wanted to request

#genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin impact fluff #genshin albedo #genshin venti #genshin xingqiu #genshin razor #genshin fluff

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softrozene · 4 years ago

Note

Thank you for reblogging that "on anon hate" piece. 🥺 It's something I'm scared of and I know that's silly 😅 and uh can you share how you get over anon hate? I could use any advice and thanks if you answer I hope your back feels better!!!!!!

Warnings: Dealing with anon hate and slight mention of mental illness/su*cide.

Of course, Hon, and thank you! It also is not silly at all! I used to have that fear on my old blog, and it did end up happening (as it does time from time here) so I can give you tips and whatnot.

First, let me address the problem that I have been seeing while I have been lurking. These past few days I have noticed an increase in anon hate or anon asks that try to pass off being good, but you can tell they are just condescending. It hurts to see that especially in the One Piece fandom where I have seen nothing but support aside from the occasional anon that gets unruly- But when that happens we all come together to defend that writer. That is what a good fandom is.

So, these few bad anons are trying to stir something up and it does work unfortunately and that is something I can’t stand. Especially when they go to blogs and harassing the writer in THAT writer’s safe space. Like hot damn, they are shitty people to do that.

These Past Few Days:

Of course, in one of the instances, I saw these past few days one of the “bad anon” was purely miscommunication and they apologized to that writer since. The other bad anon to a different writer was purely a total jerk since they were able to successfully hurt the writer mentally.

The anon function is meant for a lot of good things such as shy people, people wanting to give constructive criticism, those who do not want their blogs to be known by many people, people who get overwhelmed, people who want to spread love without it being a big deal (even though it is. Your hearts are big for that and everyone loves you for that pure intention).

The anon function is not meant for hate- That is abusing the anon function.

I, personally, use the anon function for my mutuals when I get anxiety when requesting something or just wanting to tell them how much they mean to me- When people use the anon function for that, such as their anxiety/they are just shy and whatnot I see them as hella brave for doing so. In this case, you are brave <3

HOWEVER- When people decide to use the anon function to send hate: That is literally the lowest thing you can do in not only my eyes but other people. You are sending hate knowing that it may not trace back to you. So, congrats if you do this- You are a coward.

As for whatever reason, someone wants to send hate, in the cases, I saw recently it was because the writers were wanting to open up to more fandoms. Fuck those anons who made the writers change their minds. It is not the anon’s blog- It is the writer’s. They are allowed to do whatever the hell they want without anyone’s permission. It is their safe space.

If you as an anon- Feel so obligated to send a writer or any other person your opinion on their blog saying you do not like something they wrote, you don’t care for this or that, or in your eyes, they are taking too long on your request, and you spam them with hurtful words ON THEIR BLOG, NOT YOURS- I really hope you can find peace one day because that ain’t it chief.

How fucking dare you try to hurt someone in their own safe space.

Those who have sent hate:

I genuinely hope you find a better thing to do with your life. I hope your words do not affect the person they reached. I have not a clue why anyone sends hate and it still bothers me today that they do but if you have any bit of empathy think of not just the person who you send hate to but the people that love them.

You could be the last thing that makes them go over a dark edge.

You have no idea what the person you send hate to is going through.

That person you sent hate to can have mental illnesses that makes them think whatever you say is true and seriously you are the biggest asshole on the planet if you wanted that to happen.

That person can be suicidal. (Of course, to some jerks who believe others will not act because of something on the internet, they have things outside in their real lives that make them feel that way. Your words can just be a breaking point.)

They could be clinging onto a shred of a will to live- Do not be that jerk that ruins it. Karma does bite back.

Words do hurt others and no matter how silly you may think it is- Words do have an impact.

Let me say that again because there are jerks who don’t believe that: You may think it is silly, but words do have an impact.

Now for the question, this lovely anon asked- How do you deal with anon hate?

Anon hate is going to happen, unfortunately- Especially to those who do not deserve it at all, and I despise that so much.

Personally, for me, it honestly still bothers me from time to time, but I have grown to get past it with multiple methods, so I hope these help.

Report and block them.

This is the top recommendation that I suggest. I have been sticking to this one without mercy for this blog and it has worked wonders. Anons who send hate are trying to get a reaction out of you so the easiest thing to get them to knock it off and move on with their lives is to report them for harassing you and blocking them. You can block anon asks by the three dots (I believe it’s been a while lol).

Bad anons thrive on attention. Just do not give a reaction and they will stop eventually.

Laugh it off

My actual first anon hate on this blog made me laugh so hard because they told me to off myself, but they misspelled it terribly. Yeah, it stung but it was more funny than hurtful to me. So if their message are hurtful remember that these people are abusing the anon function- A cowardly act and that makes it even funnier since they don’t want to deal with any consequences based on their behavior. In other words: They are childish.

If they are relentless then that usually means they are obsessed with you which is not healthy. (Lowkey recommend they see a therapist.)

Just call them out on having a crush on you and if they continue to harass you- Most likely denying it as hateful anons do, then you can safely say that yes, they have a crush on you (I used to do this on an old blog and when I tell ya it gets them mad lol)- This method works to just laughing it off so eventually you can grow to ignore them.

If you absolutely have to answer it- Tag your friends/mutuals or make sure they can see it so they can defend you. They are your support system

In this fandom- I always see so much support when it comes to getting hate so I know that it will happen. I can’t vouch for other fandoms/places of tumblr though.

Take the option to be on anon on your blog away- They go quiet really fast

Seriously- If it is bothering you please just take the anon function away until you feel comfortable enough to allow anons back on. You may feel sad for the good anons but they will understand why you did so. After this, please seek your support system if you need to vent about that bad anon.

My favorite other option that you can do while mixing it with these other options is to continue being you out of spite. Show them that no one can change you.

For my fellow sensitive people: Our subconscious minds think everything is true. It will hear or see one thing and it has no filter so it will go: Oh yeah- That is 100% correct- Even whatever you just read from the anon. For those who get hurt by anon hate and have a mental illness like me- I also suggest trying to rewire your brain with positive affirmations so it will be easier to realize that whatever the anon says is not true at all. It may take a while or may not be for everyone but it can help.

Overall?

It sucks but the best thing to do is to ignore, block, and continue on with your day spreading love and knowing you are a good person compared to them.

Maybe one day they can learn to love themselves and stop hating others (if the bad anon claim they do love themselves and can continue to be that way that just means they are extremely toxic and narcissistic and definitely will not switch their away around any time soon) but in the meantime be the bigger person than them (or have badass friends who don’t care and will fight to the death for you- For legal reasons that is a joke).

You have many options but just know that anon hate does not set your whole mood. That they may get off on sending hate but that is what their whole hobby is. While yours can be sending love- Your whole world does not consist of being on tumblr. It may be a safe space for you but remember you can also start anew if you need to. Do not let some silly hateful anon ruin your mood or make you afraid to go online. Do not give them that power.

Now on a much happier ending note, remember that these bad anons do not care about you if they are sending hate. However, there are people who go out of their way to tell you that they adore your content/your blog. They care and I think it is beautiful that they show it and come together to help others when needed.

This turned into an essay oops (1712 words yo)- Anyway, I hope that this helps you anon and I hope that it helps anyone else who may come across it. No matter what just remember you are loved.

#rozereplies #important #I hope this helps!

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adultswim2021 · 3 years ago

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Aqua Teen Hunger Force #18: “Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future” | December 29, 2002 - 11:15 PM | S02E13

Oh man this is a wonderful episode of the show I’m reviewing (forget what it’s called). A robot shows up and talks everyone’s ear off about some bogus tale about how Carl’s house is actually Santa. And, I’m repeating my joke from the old version of this site where I call the Cybernetic Ghost “Cybernetic Ghost from Christmas” because boy, that’s funny.

Speaking of funny, this is a real funny one. Carl moves away because Danzig beats him up and takes his house, I think, and he gets Carl’s blood everywhere. Then there’s a part where Meatwad goes under a blanket and says “HAUNTED MAYONNAISE!” but they talk over it, so you have to really listen for it, but it’s there and it’s funny.

This episode is essentially the gift that keeps on giving. The DVD deleted scenes and DVD commentary track are also wonderful (see? that’s what I meant by [reverently] “the gift that keeps on giving”). The deleted scene consists of camcorder footage of Christmas morning featuring, I’m assuming, Dave Willis’ family. He even does a cool nod to the camera. What a cool kid. And the commentary has all the guys, and Carey Means cracked me up intimating marijuana use, and Dana Snyder calls Abraham Lincoln “Gaybraham Lincoln” so watch out for that. Honestly, that’s one of my favorite jokes of all time and I forgot what it was from! ADDITIONAL DVD NOTE, BECAUSE I’M NICE: The most unfortunate thing about this episode is it’s fate on DVD, where they reduced the weird effects on Cybernetic Ghost From Christmas’s voice to make him more intelligible. BIG mistake, pal. He was better the way he was before, and you can hear a glimpse of his voice in either the commentary track audio or the deleted scene on the DVD. Is this the version on HBOMax? I don’t know.

MAIL BAG

I’ve neglected you, Mail Bag. May your gifts be bright

Kon writes:

I'll let's hear it for 7211 you >: >: >:

WOAH! Jeez!

The rest are anonymous, which... I guess if that’s how you wanna go about it :-/

I think it's kind of cool how Homer and Bart's relationship evolved over the years from the show. From the start it was antagonistic and abusive, then they kind of became co-conspirators against the girls, then it kind of mellowed out into a distanced fugue which is normal for most teenager/parent relationships. I know Bart is still a 10 year old by the canon's decision but it seems like him, homer, and the relationship has matured even if they haven't.

wrong blog, Gomer, SHUT YA STINKIN’ TRAP! But I agree, I’m glad they did not go the incest route

People like the alvis episode!? Horrifying. Another one on for the "adam reed writes like a 14 year old with a notepad file and a dream" pile

It’s true! I like imagining things to piss myself because I’m secretly republican, but I wonder if Archer ever referenced Alvis. Why does the idea of a fictional religion appeal to so many dorks? If you like fictional religious figures I got a good one for ya pal, it’s JESSUS

You don't like alvis but what do you think of the wee Flying Spaghetti Monster? lol. Aye religion is an attack helicopter. lol.

I meant Jesus earlier, by the way. I didn’t mean to misspell it like that. I am not making my own Jesse and the Rippers based religion. Oh god. Please don’t make that.

I will confide in you that I recently bought a Church of the Subgenius book at a used book store because I’m mildly curious about that whole thing because my main exposure to it was annoying prank phone callers on WFMU in the early 90s who used to treat J.R. Bob Dobbs as their own personal Howard Stern

adult swim seems pretty funny. got anything else to say about it in the meantime?

#aqua teen hunger force #adult swim #adultswim2021

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curiouserandthatmuchcuriouser · 4 years ago

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I don't talk a lot about this on social media, but two years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Next month is Bipolar Awareness Month, and even though it's not here quite yet, I'd like to share my story. We all fight secret battles, and the first step to breaking the stigma of mental illness is starting a dialogue and finding compassion for others as well as ourselves.

Around December 2018, I started feeling... different than I normally do. I didn't understand what was happening at the time: I'd never had so much energy before, and at first it was exhilarating. I was running around, talking a mile a minute, suddenly completely free of the social anxiety that's plagued me my entire life, completing chores & errands in record time, and feeling on top of the world. My mind was overflowing with creativity, ideas for poems and essays and songs and even a full musical of my own design (in hindsight, it's all nonsense of course). My appetite slipped away and I suddenly felt free from the constraints of sleep, even though I'd never been more productive. I barely ate or slept, but I wasn't hungry or tired. I lost so much weight and I barely noticed.

At the same time, my moods were swinging all over the place -- I was irritable, I was ecstatic, I was angry, I was morose, I was playful, I was paranoid. I was charismatic, I was churlish, I was ambitious, I was friendly, I was sullen. I was crazy. Naturally I was too busy with my newfound productivity and "creative genius" (lol) to even notice the mood swings. I was an artist! With an artist's temperament! And there was so much to write! I started carrying around yellow sticky notepads in my pockets so I could write down my "brilliant" epiphanies (hint: it was more nonsense) wherever I went. I filled them up within days. My handwriting changed, became sloppier, messier. So many thoughts, I couldn't get them down fast enough.

My thought process, my inner monologue, became fast, then rapid, then downright muddled. It was like a movie playing at warp speed in my head, all day, every day, and most of the night too because who needed sleep when there was so much to think about? I developed a horrible sense of grandiosity. It was my newfound purpose in life to help people, personal cost be damned. I gave the coat off my back to a homeless man begging for change at the dollar store. I impulsively blew through what little savings I had on… I don't even know what. On useless crap that I didn't need.

Paranoia overtook my psyche. I was certain that some of my friends were conspiring against me in various ways, and I wouldn't (couldn't) shut up about it to anyone who would listen. I was suspicious of the world at large. I started walking around with a knife tucked into my boot (thankfully I never used it). I drove too fast, recklessly, getting lost on familiar streets (that's not poetic license, I actually found myself getting disoriented in familiar neighborhoods and needing the GPS to find my way home). I was crying while driving, sobbing and squinting at the cars ahead of me. Everything I experienced was fast and bright and sharp in the most confusing ways.

I still thought I was invincible. I was not invincible. In fact, I was 24 years old and I was experiencing my first manic episode, and it ended up being the scariest period of my life thus far.

I couldn't focus on my job anymore, a job that I loved, a job that I had worked hard to get. I would sit down to read an email and the words would swim before my eyes like a school of fish. If I tried typing anything, at least half the words would be misspelled and I'd have to start over. I wasn't getting any work done, not really. I couldn't sit still. I started pacing around the office every chance I could get and taking long walks at night in the winter chill (which I barely felt). I was feverish with mania. I was aggravated by random things and I would lash out at random people, even family and friends (perhaps especially family and friends). No one understood what I was going through, least of all myself.

Finally -- I don't even remember how I realized something was off since I was so far gone at that point -- a lightbulb went on in my head amidst the chaotic movie screen of jumbled thoughts and I realized: I'm not usually like this. I feel... sick. And when a quick Google search of my symptoms suggested "bipolar disorder," I knew I had to get help. One thing led to another, and in January 2019, I ended up moving back into my mom's house and taking medical leave from my job, the job that I loved, to do outpatient group therapy five times a week for several weeks at a nearby hospital… only to quit that job, the job that I loved, almost immediately upon returning to it because I didn't realize beforehand just how long it would take for me to recover.

I was so ashamed about quitting that job, and I still carry some of that shame around to this day, but the circumstances were completely untenable. I was on three different kinds of antipsychotics, which were expensive and caused me to gain close to 100 lbs during the time I was on them. The other side effects of those meds, like the drowsiness and the brain fog, were awful. After five-times-a-week group therapy, I graduated to once-a-week individual therapy (so proud, I know). It took me weeks to regain the ability to read more than a paragraph at a time, which was torture for me, an English major and avid reader. Television became a crutch, an easy way to pass the restless hours. I slept as much as possible during the day because I was so deeply ashamed of how far I'd fallen.

Eventually, I did recover. Considering the state I was in, I am *exceptionally lucky* and I think about that everyday. The meds, the therapy, and time did their job and helped me get back to myself. I still occasionally struggle with symptoms of depression and mania, and I always will. I'll never be the person I was before my diagnosis, but that's okay. I know who I am now, even the dark parts, and I know how to take care of all of me. That's the most important piece of the puzzle: self-awareness and self-care in equal measure.

Looking back, it truly feels like a different person inhabited my body during those awful months. An insane person, one I'd be embarrassed to know, let alone be. My brain became a snapping turtle, and no one was safe. I lost friends, people I trusted who just couldn't see past the actions and harsh words that my illness caused, even after I sought treatment and tried to make amends via heartfelt apology letters and frantic explanations. There is a fine line between accountability for past mistakes and reckoning with mental illness, and in some ways I still feel like I'm walking that line. But at least now I know I can let go some of that shame.

I am forever grateful to my wonderful network of family, friends, and mental health professionals who supported me every step of the way and saw me through to the other side. I love you. I wouldn't be myself without you. Thank you.

If you or someone you love struggle with mental illness, don't try to sweep it under the rug. Know the signs, and seek treatment. Help is available. Getting better is possible.

We all fight secret battles. Let's lead with compassion.

#bipolar disorder #bipolar #bipolar awareness #bipolar awareness month #bipolar girl #mental illness #mental health #it gets better

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moon-stars01 · 4 years ago

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~Call Me Beep Me~

Hoshi x Reader

Author:prkjimin

Summary:Kwon Soonyoung does not know how to text

Pairing:Soonyoung(Seventeen) x Reader

Gene:fluff,friends to lovers,texting

Rating:General Audiences

Word Count:1147

Call Me Beep Me

kwon soonyoung, y/n learns, does not know how to text.

and maybe that's a little unfair to say, because soonyoung does know how, if his endless list of conversations dating to a year ago say anything. he just isn't very good at it.

he doesn't understand the careful etiquette of texting; replying too late to time sensitive messages and abusing emojis, sending multiple texts all on different subjects in the span of four minutes.

he also, for whatever god forsaken reason, decided at some point autocorrect wasn't a necessary, resulting in messages more often than not being a scrambled incoherent mess that leaves y/n guessing if soonyoung’s piss drunk somewhere or just typing too quickly (it's the latter, most of the time.)

Y/n’s phone buzzes one night as she’s trying -- and failing miserably -- to cram a unit’s worth of biology into her deteriorating brain, turning it to mush inside her skull.She nearly pounces on her

phone, welcoming the distraction with open arms until she sees the mess of letter on her screen and soonyoung’s contact name (which consists of the elders initials and an onslaught of star emojis that he just won't let y/n change).

She almost sighs when she swipes the message open, wondering if decoding her oppa’s message would cause more of a headache then trying to teach herself biology.

Ksy

10:27pm

Momdy!! r u fiished work???

Y/n furrows her eyebrows, wondering if her dysphericing skills are lacking or if soonyoung had just referred to her as “mommy”

Y/n

10:27pm

what

She sends back simply, throwing her phone back onto her bed because she knows soonyoung won't bless her another response for at least twenty minutes, turning back to her heavy textbook reluctantly.

to her surprise, her phone goes off again less than two minutes later.

ksy

10:29pm

oh lol ur nt my mother

ksy

10:29pm

ur nubmers r the sam but differnet

Y/n huffs a little airy laugh, unsurprised at the mix up between contacts because she’s pretty sure soonyoung has still yet to save a single number apart from the local pizza delivery.

before y/n can type a response however, her phone is buzzing again, the younger slightly surprised at how active soonyoung is.

ksy

10:30pm

but if u send me mkney for allowencd u could b my mommy;)

Y/n nearly chokes when she reads over the message, going through it a third and fourth time just to ensure this isn't a stroke or hallucination, half convinced now that this is one of the rare occasions that soonyoung’s drunk and his brain is beginning to seize function when she realizes she's read it correctly.

Y/n

10:32pm

oh ya that's me, ur two year younger bdsm sugar mommy dom who's actually a whole infant

is what she ends up sending in response, deciding to go along with soonyoung’s joke somewhat because she doesn't wanna be that girl who can't platonically joke around about being in sexual relationships with her friends.

again, soonyoung's response is surprisingly fast and y/n has to wonder if the elder had possibly been waiting for her text.

ksy

10:34pm

smh no bdsm mommy’s here

and then,

ksy

10:34pm

i'd settle for some vanilla kisses with you though

it's the lack of misspellings that really gets y/n, picturing soonyoung sitting on his couch, or floor, or bed or wherever and deliberately pressing each letter in order, words joining together to create a sentence with some sort of intentions that y/n isn't sure of just yet, unsure if she actually wants to know.

Y/n

10:37pm

lmao are you feeling okay??

the younger sends, only a little less concerned for her own well being as she finds herself reading soonyoung’s messages again. maybe he'd gotten his phone stolen, or maybe y/n’s being pranked. there's a million motives that could be lingering behind soonyoung’s messages besides real, actual mutual interest in y/n so she tries not to let herself get too invested.

ksy

10:40pm

ofc

ksy

10:40pm

got a little 2 confident behind an innocent joke n accidently exposed how i felt, ooPs

Y/n frowns at this, confused as to what soonyoung’s implying as another hundred scenarios whirl through her brain.

Y/n

10:41pm

what do you mean?

ten minutes go by without a response and y/n almost screams when she hears her phone go off, unlocking it quickly to reveal soonyoung’s message because she's almost driven herself insane trying to conjure up a reason.

ksy

10:53pm

i just mean that i genuinely do like u but i approached it w a joke which leads this to b weird now lol

Y/n wishes she could describe the feeling in her stomach as anything other than a violent, rumbling hurricane of emotion but she can't as she slaps either hand over her steadily warming cheeks, barely aware she's squeaking until the sound echoes back into her own ears.

her hands are shaking as she types a careful response, rewording it twice before finally bringing herself to hit send and then she's hovering over her device like a hawk, jumping at every sound and cursing at every instagram notification.

Y/n

10:55pm

i really hope you aren't fucking with me bc i actually like you soonyoung and it’ll be really uncool if you're just doing this for a laugh js

ksy

11:00pm

is that how lowly you think of me? ouch :( </3

ksy

11:00pm

i really do like you y/n l/n

at this y/n jumps into the call app, typing soonyoung’s number easily -- because she's good at remembering things and not because she's spent so many hours staring at the other’s contact okay? -- and biting her lip a little harder at each rhythmic ring until soonyoung answers.

“kwon residence, how may i help you?” he answers, cheery and perky like he hadn't just flipped y/n’s entire world on its head.

“you're an asshole ,” y/n breathes, laughing in almost disbelief and then there's an echo of an equally pleased laugh, light and innocent that sends y/n's heart soaring.

“oh man, you could have warned me if you were just calling to verbally abuse me over the phone,” soonyoung jokes and y/n can practically hear the pout in his voice.

“it’s due diligence, you almost gave me a heart attack. how could you of all people think it's a good idea to confess over text?” Y/n squawks but she's still smiling brightly, giddy at the realization that this is real.

“in my defence, i had a really good speech prepared with a little love letter and all, but you were going along with the joke so i got ahead of myself.” soonyoung says, clearing his throat a little before y/n has a chance to reply, and then;

“are you down for some vanilla making out right now?”

Y/n can only yell in response.

#seventeen #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fluff #kpop fanfic #kwon soonyoung #hoshi #hoshi scenarios #hoshi fanfic #kpop oneshots

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cutegirlmayra · 4 years ago

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When your tired after a 16hr shift yesterday so you rant about Sonic and explain why aggressive writing vs. neutral writing helps with sharing ideas

Me and my online Sonic friend talking about Belle. (I’m skipping some dialogue throughout the chat, this was lazily put together lol)

WARNING: It’s long, and it’s a rant. So please note that I’m blatantly aware of how wrong my aggressive, sleep-deprived rant was and that I’m stating “DON’T PRESENT YOUR IDEAS LIKE THIS!” because this is not a healthy nor effective way of sharing ideas.

ALSO, ALL THE MENTIONS OF WHAT I BELIEVE MY FRIEND IS FEELING OR THINKING DURING MY RANT ARE ENTIRELY MY OPINON. If she tells me to delete something or change it I will without hesitation but I find it funny, as I look back, to insert what I think might be going on in her mind XD She might have been oblivious to me but I’ll get her thoughts and change anything if necessary.

It’s also how most trolls and antis and even some ‘not experienced writers’ write their ideas out, and it can be easily avoided by using Neutral Writing Methods. So this is a ‘don’t do this, but try this’ post. Enjoy my badly written, sleepy aggressive rant~<3 (Also, my friend gave me permission to share this lol)

Me: She could be for entertaining little kids. But we already have too many OCs, and they're not 'dying off' any time soon so...I smell a mini-series backup plan...and I don't like what that means for Sonic. And it is cute, sorry, my brain is off the hook right now, I'll keep things to myself cause you may not like what I'm predicting and I'm getting sad thinking about it ;-; so, want to be wrong.

(Friend mentioned “Tinker Bell” spin on name.)

That's precious, but can I get a link to the reference sheet plz? Reference sheets can tell a lot about a chara's functionality if you compare it to the 'needs' of the casts. it can help predict their role. I think she's meant to help but also entertain the kids, maybe planted with a secret. Her goal could be to come back to Mr. Tinker but Eggman abuses that and tricks her into a new robot. I got a weird theory about her but I'll just say that she's probably gonna go a bit dark. But be cute and make the audience go, "Aww, poor thing! She's a cinnamon roll" at first, wonder if they'll equip her with 'happy backstory, tragic ending' kinda thing to switch the usual 'tragic backstory happy ending' but I feel this is a tragic character meant to pull emotion out.

(Friend understands my concerns but mentions there hasn’t been a ‘Bad’ Oc for the comic)

No one sets out to create a 'bad character' especially professional writers like these guys. But what makes a character 'bad' is if you ruin or oversaturate their purposes. If she's a main character that over-shines others with too much story then the audience feels 'betrayed' because they want that screen time for the main casts to express themselves and shine through. That's just an example. When working with IPs like Sonic casts, you HAVE to remember the fanbase is expecting things Do you like my OCs? be honest lol Not from my prompts. There's a specific way to handle a OC that helps the main cast shine and reveals their characters more. AU Ocs help Canon Characters in many ways.

(Friend admits they have not seen my OCs in some of my fanfictions, they’ve only really read my prompts.)

Oh, well, some of my fanfictions have OCs, not Lavinya, she's just a mascot. My Sonic OC that retried XD Sorry, I'm misspelling a lot but I hope you don't mind, my spellcheck sucks and I've given up on it lol Oh, so you don't know Harmony, Ol'Wizzy, and Data?Or the Metal Series? Well, there are specific Ocs that my readers like and they express/compliment the canon characters to where even though they're a main character, they don't intervene with the Main Cast's goals. They actually help. Then everything I'm gonna say won't have much merit so I'll just focus on waiting to see if my predictions for Sonic IDW will come true, but I really hope they don't do what it looks like they strategically might be pulling... I hate SEGA marketing-

(The beginning of my aggressive rant, please note that I’m not thinking about my image and am writing tired and lazy. This is an example of how NOT to express your opinions in negative ways. It doesn’t influence good at all.)

Their ploys are outdated and frankly, do not work for their IPs market. They target the wrong age group, they have no idea how to organize themselves, and they don't have a leading 'elder' so to speak (just a professional among them) to make good calls. So you have young adults (not super professionals, this might be their first real company job) trying to target internet culture and failing their IPs. They're doing outdated Nintendo tactics that only worked for NINTENDO! Also some other companies that have DIED so why are you copying their marketing strats!? stop! lol

Friend: Did you study marketing because this entire convo kinda flew over my head in terms of understanding (This should have indicated to me that my words were coming off too factual and had too many ‘jargons’ going on. I was losing my ‘reader’ through my rant, but my tired brain would not cease!)

Sonic's trying to morph into something he's not and they're following outdated college course books and it's not gonna help... they're leading Sonic further down and the creators in japan have no power cause all the power is in the stock holders who are stupid money-hungry americans who have lost faith in American SEGA leading SEGA of Japan to move on to other things

Friend: mostly just got you don’t like the marketing (Huge red flag! This means my friend is starting to tune my info out, it’s because I’m presenting my ideas in a slightly aggressive writing style. There are trigger words here that lead an reader to start doubting you. This is why, in most of my answer posts, I make sure to write Neutral writing methods, but I’ll mention that more after my rant lol XP)

It's just bad. Lol I have a Frankenstein degree, (Now I’m justifying myself, which was caused by my aggressive approach. If I simply stated this in a more ‘neutral writing method’ then I wouldn’t have to worry about creditability claims because I’m not trying to sell my idea as the high authority on it.) which means I have knowledge on many different fields. I never took a fully -dedicated- 'marketing class' I took a lot of different communication classes that went to my overall major. One was directly about how you present, sell, and look at marketing tactics. So I have my fingers in many different fields, my major was "Creative Writing for Fiction and Film with an Emphasis in Video Production and a Cluster in Theatre Arts." So I can be on camera, off camera, post and pre production, creative table and actual filming. Does that make sense? (I’m not fully awake to realize what I’m writing, but it’s clear at this point I’m starting to wake up and realize I’m ranting and tossing my ideals of how to present ideas out the window, but let’s watch my follies and learn from them, shall we?) I have theories on what SEGA is going to do, and I have my worries because it's all outdated. It worked for older companies but those companies also targeted a varying audience, which SEGA refuses to see themselves as for a 'teenage audience' which is exactly why they boomed in the 90s. Their target audience is now 20s.

Friend: There are Kids who also like Sonic, even if they don’t play the games though. (Due to my aggressive tactics from not thinking clearly about, not just the what, but the HOW I’m writing, it has turned my friend into a ‘contrasting neutrality’ which is amazing by the way that she did this! She noticed my writing was turning aggressively ranting, and being my friend, didn’t want to be rude about what she was noticing. -I’m guessing lol- so instead, she took the commentary approach, which is to state the good as well. This is a terrible position to put your reader into, and you should make sure to always have good examples and good praise mixed in to contrast any opposing or aggressive statements you ever make. -though you should avoid aggressive writing at all times- Sadly, this does put the reader, in this case my friend, in a very vulnerable position. It leaves them open for attack... but thankfully, she’s a wonderful friend and had trust that I wouldn’t hurt her on her counter-follow-up.)

So instead of using their 40 to 50 year old charts, start with looking at early millennial trends and desires. They tried for 'angst' to 'adultify' Sonic but it busted because we are STICKLERS for animation. Because their story was so scrapped together and had no actual character depth, motivation, or even emotional growth to develop for future game lore, they went for the 'easy made game' (Easy baked oven quote lol that’s just mean XD) We loved the trailer, it was well made, but they threw their animators elsewhere and made the programmers (WHO BLANATLY ADMIT THEY DONT KNOW HOW TO DO STORY/GRAPHICS) and made them do things they aren't trained in. Those micro-head movements and mouths took them A LONG TIME to figure out.

(My friend is now agreeing with me several times through my rant. This is a tactic that is used as ‘avoidance’ but also for ‘appeasement’. She’s probably tuned out by now, but respects what I’m saying but is also incredulous at it as well. It’s fair, I’ve cornered her into my sleepy-time rant, and being the lovable woman that she is, she is simply waiting for me to realize my follies lolol I wish she would have told me but I think she knew I was beyond ‘logical reasoning’ at this point and was just letting me get it all out lolol What a good friend TDT)

Animation can't be learned that fast AND expect them to program a game AT THE SAME TIME. Sonic Forces was a 'split up SEGA' trying to get those who survived and said, "Yeah, I'll stay in this job." to do things that THEY AREN'T EVEN TRAINED IN. you put a game programmer on animation and some other stuff they didn't know what to do with and expect it be a top-notch seller.

Friend: (in more attempts to join in and be a ‘participant’ of the conversation I’m clearly dominating -MY ABSOLUTE BAD- she tried to engage normal conversation flow into the discussion again. At this point, she probably did notice I wasn’t my usual self, and just decided to play along and enjoy the ride lolol I’m just guessing this tho, but it’s a good chance to reflect on what ‘wrongs’ I was doing and what ‘rights’ she was doing during this situation ;)b) My big issue with SEGA is that they rush everything. A lot of things would’ve been better if they had the proper time.

That was resolved actually.

Friend: Oh? It was? (Although this looks like an encouragement, it’s actually just another avoidance tactic to help me ‘get the venting out’ but it’s clear she’s not fully onboard anymore. When you write to discuss, you have to leave room for other’s opinions to shine through as well. Healthy conversation doesn’t mean forcing the other person to comply to you. A lot of this is educated guess based on past research, she knows this, and it’s clear she’s got her own research. Please remember to never shoot someone down when they try to engage you in your conversations. But again, this is the ‘don’t do this’ and me upset at my tired self for not waking up fast enough to contemplate how I was coming across in my wordings. Let’s continue to investigate and dissect the train wreck, shall we?)

That was an issue a few years ago but SEGA is taking their time, it's just that they can't organize themselves and hire the right professionals. They have old tactics, they have rookies that aren't 'Fresh Blood with professionalism' like they need. They don't need an old fart who knows his stuff, they need a new guy who is dedicated and passionate about their company who will remain there, learn them in and out, and knows his stuff SPECIFICALLY for the things SEGA needs. You have to grow that. You have to hire a very talented and young spunky and fresh professional, have him work with you for 10-15 years, and start training others. But SEGA is already recognized as a 'established' company.

(Friend is still agreeing with me, but is aware of my way of presenting it isn’t “As nice as I usually present it” so she starts mentioning the symptoms of Japanese Work Culture. A wonderful, insightful point to mention! But let’s see how I butcher this as well...)

It's not Japan though! (Again, shutting her down. Tsk tsk, sleepy me. Wake up, you lazy bum.) They won't let Japan interfere! They're all really rude to japan actually. The guys in charge, anyway. We all respect the officials, but SEGA of America people just want results. They are just funders, they don't actually work the company.

Friend: So you blame them for everything? (She’s trying to help me see that my writing is coming off as ‘hate’ which is because of my aggressive writing follies I’m doing so bluntly. Let’s please all admire my friend’s patience as she lets me rant and kindly waits for me to realize how bad I’m handling my 16 hr shift from yesterday lolol)

Look, business is really unfair, and I get that, but if I have to rant (I’m starting to wake up more, oh goodie.) I'd say they really need to humble themselves and ask Japan to please take ownership again. They kicked out people due to a money crisis but they need a game that will be 'safe to secure money but get enough excited momentum to help us push on and continue.' which isn't Japan's strategy usually. Japan likes risks, they also like money too. They trust America too much (especially in the beginning) because America is a HUGE consumer. For the world in fact. But I think they sacrificed too much for the company (common in Japan) and trusted America too much in making decisions. The officials are too nice to say that America screwed them over because America wanted full control. Well guess what? They have too much control now and their product is sinking..

Friend: You’ve got a lot of fire about this topic. (After I completely disregarded reading her follows-ups and continued to rant, my unconditionally kind friend finally threw in the towel, realizing I was no where near my usually ‘present’ self and was probably just flopped back in her chair smiling at my idiocy of not understanding her kind and subtly hints.) Go ahead and rant it out. (BOOM! Obvious right!? I should have corrected myself but at this point, I was writing like wild fire with droopy, waking up eyes and didn’t even read it during my long paragraphs...)

Sonic won't ever fade away due to it's fans, but the company is struggling to figure itself out for YEARS now. I just worry what they plan to do next. But I have a theory that they are really putting the next game in Japan's hands, a lot of activity is happening in SEGA of Japan, and they're spending WAY MORE TIME on the next installment of Modern Sonic (or Classic, still unsure which one it is yet.) I really think they need a remake game to give them profit, then use that profit for their next big installment. But so far, I think they are working on a game BUT corona might have effected production so I'm sure they are working but I'm concerned if Corona helped manage 'time and quality' or is helping to ruin it...That I can't investigate yet :( I just wish for the best (I’M FINALLY WAKING UP FULLY AS I STOP AND REALIZE-) Sorry for my rant! My theory talk showed through and I don't usually like doing that so forgive me. I'm tired and that's why T-T

Friend: It’s cool we all need to rant sometimes. (My friend’s going to make it to Heaven TwT she’s so kind.)

(Then I profusely apologized a billion times cause I realize how badly this all went down. lol)

(But the terror hasn’t ended... she mentioned some youtube videos mentioning other opinions as well. -which I’m usually cautious of cause some of them can be fanon.-)

OHhhh did he mention the arcade crash??? the literal WORST event in SEGA history??? That's literally where they sank the titanic, SEGA has never recovered from selling off their stocks. (I’M BACK AT IT AGAIN. -facepalm-) Shareholders are everything now and it's the biggest loss ever. Also, the problem is that kids don't play the games, (Rereading my follies and wanting to answer but still only just waking up...) but SEGA can't figure out why they like the characters and can't seem to take the FREAKIN' TIME to learn their lore. (Overwhelming the conversation again.) My easy steps: Re-establish Sonic lore CANONLY AND CORRECTLY, Re-gather the Japanese Officials original plans and notes, guides and study art, Re-make some popular games with the most details on Animation, Fluidity of motion graphics, and with modern Technology incorporated into the game. Once that is accomplished, they will have enough money to then- Create a continuity. Only with a flowing story and relevant past lore can they start moving forward. Animation will target their audience, Story and character re-established arcs will bring nostalgia and new blood to the field of their games, and then Japan's influences will keep it authentic for the continuities so we don't have fandom mixing with canon NEARLY AS BADLY as before anymore. Ugh, it does matter their sales, but I literally bought a book on the history of SEGA, and read a really compelling history article about more then just the Console Wars... I know SEGA has survived literally the edge of extinction on multiple fronts, but someone needs to take charge of their Sonic branch, and it's... it's just too outdated. kk, sorry for the rant.

Friend: (After being multiple times ignored, even after my brief moment of clarity, is still an angel. Frustrated, maybe, but an angel.) And your steps sound really good. Also mostly just listen to his vids if you ever do. It’s ok we all need to rant. (THE WORLD DOESN’T DESERVE THIS GURL T-T)

I'm tired so my 'angry' is showing and it's not professional XD do you mind if I post my rant? lol Actually, no. (Realize how awfully I delivered my ideas, this is where I begin to see my errors and where the clarity comes into play. -we all have our off days lol- )

Friend: Go for it

I want to but it's too aggressive. I'm too lazy to rewrite it out so I'll just save that for another day XD You got a rare treat

Friend: (This is actually interesting and fascinating to her. But she realized then that I finally did see my error.) Concerned you’ll get aggressive responses back?

Honest opinion is sometimes too blunt and I need to be careful about that

Friend: I mean it’s always good to try and get most of the anger out so you seem more professional (Saint. Literally. A saint. She’s puts up with too much of my crap XD)

That, and also the war of 'But this is Cutegirlmayra? She's so sweet and constantly puts her answers in supportive, positive lights so that if SEGA were to see it, they would feel empowered to try it instead of threatened and throw it off as hate or something unprofessional.' I have an image too. I can't post something super aggressive or I'll lose trust. You're right.

Friend: I’m glad you put a lot of thought into everything you post

I apologize for it tho T-T I didn't mean to dominate with such opinions...lol I worry who I influence, you know?

Friend: Most people don’t and trust me they get into trouble cause of it. And yeah.

I don't want to create trolls or heated arguments. I want to teach people they can safely express an idea without using such awful communication. Exactly, it's professional fanism. lol Positive writing is what companies and their employees actually read. (I’m almost fully awake now lol, realizing my blunder and starting to explain why I was in the wrong. Good on me, pat on the back, admitting I was coming off as aggressive is the first step to changing and getting better lolol Also, I’m including her more, and I’m saying “You’re right.” and she’s going “And yeah.” which is a indicator that the conversation is slowly returning to an enjoyable and healthy one. ;w; happy endings lol) That's why I skip the aggressive stuff, even if it's passive, I write in a neutral setting so everyone feels safe to read, even someone who works at SEGA.

Friend: (Mentions some nintendo youtuber rant and also news as well, then says-) It was honestly very professional sounding and not rude. (MY HEART, YOU KNEW THAT WAS AN AGGRESSIVE RANT lololol So nice to me TDT)

Lol you had to have seen how slightly aggressive it was tho. (I’M CALLING YOUR BLUFF, BESTIE lol) You literally asked, "You blame America for it?" which is not always true but semi-true. They were way too prideful (Aggressive word) and haughty (Still aggressive terminology) about their success in other Japanese products that they wanted to completely change Sonic to their own wishes, pushing out Japan's creative "licenses" (I use this word loosely, and this gives a slightly aggressive feel but is also more dumbed down so it's more 'passionate' than just aggressive)

Friend: Yeah I saw it was slightly aggressive (Either is starting to realize it or at last admitting it now that I am fully aware of how I was coming across. I also used indicators to show what words were aggressive to help illustrate my point. This is showing I’m much more awake now :)b)

Gotta use those neutral tactics or no one will feel comfortable just reading your idea and instead, will constantly look for a place to intercept with aggression back, whether they agree or not, they're looking for ways to self-insert their aggression if you are also aggressive. I can't write something that doesn't somewhat support and uplift SEGA of America. Why? Because like I said, they literally have survived EVERYTHING and have stuck around. Without them, there wouldn't be an American branch and the money issue would have ended SEGA. Some might say, "But they've done so much harm than good! Why is the money thing such a thing to be praised for?" But it's huge, it's so big, it kinda does offset the wrongs. (Now I’m doing the healthy thing, doubling back and mentioning the good to try and recover. The damage may be done, but she did recommend some videos for me and was polite, so I’m just trying to smooth things over and leave on a ‘wrapped up’ conclusion. But... I should have just left it there in all honesty xD Some things you can’t double-back and correct lol) America is a great business-influenced mindset. None of us would be fans of Sonic without them.

(Friend continues to agree but realizes I may slip into ranting again. She just asks if I can watch the videos.)

America does have it's advantages in some fields and areas, but their biggest most redeeming quality is that they saved SEGA which gave us our biggest love and obsession: Sonic. Now, my usage in that writing was still off neutral, but combined with the slightly aggressive statements, made a GREAT contrast. It's still slightly praising

Friend: And they stopped Japan from giving him a human girlfriend right away.

Me: Exactly.

Friend: I will always thank them for that. (She’s still a sweetheart, working herself into the conversation so it stays healthy. lol Such amazing follow-ups too!)

So although I don't like what's happening, I'm also grateful... to a degree lol We need SEGA of America, which is why I think Japan just ignores them now lolol they know they owe them a lot.

(Friend mentions videos and as I go to save them to my ‘watch later’ sees that one of them is about Nintendo.)

Yeeeahhh I've noticed that Nintendo is starting to trail into 'cash grab' tactics and that's sickening (MORE AGGRESSIVE WORDING??? HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED YOUR LESSON CHILD?! It takes time to fully wake up lolol) cause before, I literally thought, "Nintendo can do no wrong" their marketing was ON POINT! but the stuff they said about Peach and now... I think new, unprofessional blood (like SEGA) has entered Nintendo and the older guys are either 'training' or 'retired to other ventures'. Nintendo is having it's own 'we used to not be prideful but now we're getting a little too pompous (Another aggressive wording... This can easily trigger people to comment with further aggression either against you or for you, but no aggression is the ideal. Which is continuing to show my lack of remaining conscious lol) about ourselves' and they're starting to act like Disney before their big crash. Disney also had 'limited time offers' with their VHS movies. Now, Nintendo is doing that. They'll make money, but at what cost? When you lose your costumer's trust...

Friend: And yeah the 35th Mario thing immediately reminded me of the Disney vault

Me: Yep. I'm worried for Nintendo. Don't get me wrong! Disney is really good with money grabs, but they... they also act high and mighty (More aggressive statements, wake up, darn it!!!) and their fanbase literally calls them 'an empire' so the fan-trust is gone. That makes you 'lame/outdated' and fans begin to look for 'what's cool?' instead.

(Friend is now re-realizing I’m ‘in and out’ so is trying to use a effective avoidance tactic by asking about different things to help my ranting fully stop.)

Sorry, I'm tired, I get on these rants and I don't mean too. (Trying to shake myself awake again.) I'm sorry.

So we returned to a healthy conversation, but I hope this interesting insight has revealed how to and what not to do about Aggressive Writing. Always stick to Neutral writing if you can, putting in a compelling counter-argument. In this aggressive writing demo, you saw that I tried to cover up my follies by saying counter-praise, but praise writing can be just as bad as aggressive writing. Passive writing can sometimes be annoying (aggressive word choice) too if you come off as disinterested or uncaring, which can still result in negative comments coming at you, or someone overly praising in their writings.

This has been all I’m showing you cause it’s kinda embarrassing ^^; but I hope it helps you in what ‘not to do’ while writing your ideas out :)b

Learn from my sleepy-time mistakes! lol

#cutegirlmayra #aggressive writing #what not to do #sonic #nintendo #marketing #sega #commentary #rant writing #an example to help teach #sonic the hedgehog #sonic idw #sonic comic #sonic rant

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unforth · 4 years ago

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Hi there! I absolutely loooove the destiel fic collection and think that it's a genius way to expose fans to fics that might not always get as much attention on fic recs and when searching on ao3. I was thinking of trying to create a similar collection for another fandom and was wondering if you have any tips? Or if there's anything that you wish you knew when you started it? Thank you!

Hi!! Just for openers, sorry I didn’t reply to this yesterday, my mom’s basement flooded and took with it all my writing time, sigh. ANYWAY. On to the topic at hand. How to make a “faves survey” for another fandom, and have it resemble what I’ve made for Destiel? Well, here’s what I’ve done, hopefully some of it will be applicable to you...

1. This is the most important part: Do NOT let it become or be perceived as a popularity contest. Never release the raw stats (except perhaps to a small number of people who you trust to help you). Never announce a “winner.” Never share a ranked list. Never act as if more votes equals better. Never ever suggest in anyway that your purpose to find “the best.” Treat people and fics who get one vote with just as much fanfare as people and fics who get 50 votes. I do release a “top 20″ list just because so many people asked, but even then, it’s in alphabetical order, and meant more as a snapshot. Encourage people to vote for their favorites that aren’t already in whatever collection you end up making, and encourage people to vote for things they don’t usually see on rec lists. Aim for an expansive range of types of fics being voted for, and make it clear - no ship shaming (or secondary ship shaming, if yours is ship-based like mine, rather than being general to a given fandom) or kink shaming.

2. Keep the survey super simple. People don’t read complex instructions, and they’re not going to want to rank lists or anything like that. You can see the one I use here. Feel free to emulate it, copy it, modify it for your own purposes. I used to just do boxes but people would routinely put in way more than 5/10, and while I didn’t really mind the extras, it greatly increased the amount of work I had to do, and since the survey routinely gets a couple hundred replies that I go through, I decided to make it a little harder for people to go over the limits. Don’t bother asking for people’s names or trying to validate the results. I’ve tried. People don’t want to put their names, and validation encourages people not to submit...AND doesn’t prevent cheating...so is really pointless. Just keep it anonymous, after four rounds I can say...that works best.

3. And, speaking of people going over the limits, and cheating...people will cheat. No matter how clear you are that number of votes don’t matter, no matter how much you insist that whatever data you’re collecting will only be used in so-and-so a way...you will spot people “cheating,” for various definitions of the word cheating. People who vote for their own works. People will submit multiple surveys. People will “ballot box stuff” for their favorite(s). People will list more than the maximums you’ve asked them to. People will submit works from other ships, and - though it’s never happened to me - if you make it fandom-general I’ll lay heavy odds at least one dumbass will submit for some other fandom entirely. It happens in different permutations every time, some more obvious than others, but it happens. And the conclusion I reached is...so fucking what? In the end, since the idea is to highlight as many different great works as possible...screw it. Let people vote for themselves. Let people ballot box stuff. Let people submit multiple surveys, or list more than whatever maximums you’ve set. In the end, since every work is treated as equal and one vote is worth as much as a hundred...if they’re cheating to up the vote count, it’s irrelevant, and if they’re cheating to vote for more works, then yay! more works to include! and basically the only thing I’ve found that reduces cheating is to make it absolutely clear to people that I’d really rather they not but ultimately I can’t stop them, so do their thing I guess? And it does help. I got less cheating each time I do it, or at least less that I’m able to catch lol. (as a side note - the one exceptions is the “works for others ships.” Those you can see listed on the “INELIGIBLE” sheet of the spreadsheet I link below, but I don’t add them to the AO3 collection.)

4. Spreadsheets are your best friend. You’re going to want some way to organize the data you’re collecting. I’ve got a public version of the sheet I use that you can see here. It’s pretty similar to my “private” version, except the private version includes actual vote counts, separated by which time(s) I did the survey that the work in question got votes. I mostly use that data so I can do comparisons over the years (“this year X works were added to the collection that were never in it before!”) and because I like numbers. However, depending on how exactly you plan to use the data, you may not even need to tally vote counts, and you could do one that’s more similar to my public version. Also, if you make an AO3 collection, you’re going to want some way to track which works you’ve invited, which have been added, etc., cause otherwise it’s just a nightmare to keep track of. (a little more on this later).

5. Decide how and where you’re going to share your data - as an AO3 collection? As a public spreadsheet? On social media? Maybe you want to make a side Tumblr just for it? Or a Discord server? etc. etc. Like, I’ve got a pillowfort group (though I hardly use it) and a channel in a Discord server (thanks again to the PB folks for making space for me!) with the AO3 collection being the main portal. You want to make sure that it’s advertised enough that people know it exists, and also be prepared that short term you’ll hear basically no feedback on whether people use it, and even long term it’ll be once in a blue moon and suddenly eight people will be like WAIT YOU’RE THE PERSON BEHIND THAT THING I LOVE THAT THING. In that respect it can feel a little thankless but I’ve definitely found that people do use it, it’s just that there’s no real way for people to let YOU know they’re using it (and, honestly...good? This isn’t really about us, after all, it’s about all these fic writers, the goal is to bring attention to them, not ourselves, we’re just a go-between for the writers and the readers.)

6. For making an AO3 collection, you’ll have to invite every single work individually. Some people have their accounts set to auto-accept invites, but otherwise whether the work actually gets added will depend on the authors. Some people will never accept the invite. Some people won’t know how to accept the invite. Some people will accept the invite and then subsequently remove their work. Some people have left these parts completely and will never even see the invite. That’s why it’s important to track who has added and who hasn’t, and periodically double check it (I double check every six months or so). For the people who don’t accept the invites for whatever reason, you can bookmark the item to the collection. HOWEVER, if you do this with your personal account, every single one of those bookmarks will be listed under your personal AO3, which is why I ultimately made the Faves survey its own account - it’s entirely to facilitate bookmarking. You can also use the “Bookmark External Work” feature to link to works that aren’t on AO3, and to tag them to whatever extent you want to. Here’s some examples of how I chose to bookmark external works.

7. Things will inevitably get complicated. Authors will change their names. People who do the survey will use shorthand you’ve never heard of for some fic you don’t know. People will misspell things and you’ll either recognize it even with the typo...or you won’t. People will vote for things that list eight different ships and you’ll have no idea which one is endgame. People will vote for things that have been deleted, or they’ll tell you it’s definitely on AO3 when it’s not, it’s on some other platform. The list of random things I’ve had to deal with is stupidly long and I’ve probably forgotten even more. Just...roll with it. Do your best. Ask for help (“Someone nominated a fic abbreviated as ABC to the collection and didn’t give the author and I have no idea what it is, help me Tumblr!”). And in the end, if you’ve done everything you can think of and you still don’t know...let it go. It’s just not that worth worrying about. And sometimes if you step away and look again in a few days you’ll figure out another way to search and it’ll pop up. But honestly I’ve got a handful of works I still haven’t been able to track down, and that one work that someone submitted that’s only available in Finnish and is explicit and behind a log-in wall on a small independent Finnish-only fic archive...well, I spoke to the author and confirmed the work exists, but otherwise...whelp, it’s not linked, and I did my best. That’s all you can do.

8. No matter what you do, someone somewhere will probably get upset about it. The first time I did the survey, when it got the most traction, I actually got a little hate, and I got some anons who were like “oooooo did you know that ~x~ is cheating” and I had a little “HOW DARE YOU NOT PLAY FAVORITES WHAT ABOUT MY PERSONAL FAVE?” and just...decide how you’re approaching the survey, and stick to your guns, and if anyone is a douche, hit the block button. And, related...

9. Transparency is most important imo. Not transparency for vote counts obviously, but transparency for what you’re doing, and why you’re doing it, and what you hope to accomplish. Make sure your goals are clear from the start (mine weren’t that first time, hence some of the problems I encountered) - if it’s to highlight as wide a range of works as possible, say that. If it IS to pick a favorite, say that too. Just be clear, and honest, and above board, and it should work out okay.

10. Side note...one of the saddest things about all this is that if you do it over an extended period you’ll see authors deleting their works. As such, I personally chose to download every work that gets a vote, that way it’s at least preserved. I then expanded that into a much larger archive that I’m still adding to all the time, trying to save as much Destiel as possible. But then, I’m an archivist at heart, whether you want to branch out in that kind of direction is up to you.

...okay, that’s everything I can think of. Hopefully I didn’t scare you too bad. I don’t know what fandom/ship you’re looking at but for perspective...first time I did the survey I got about 400 replies, and then the next two times it got about 200, and this most recent time it got about 300. I chose to do mine annually, on the assumption that gives some time for people to come and go for fandom and a lot of new works to get created, and I deliberately timed it for about a month after the biggest fandom event (the DCBB) that generates fics, to give people time to read those fics and consider them in their voting. For me, that means I happen to run the survey starting on January 1st, and I keep it limited to 15 days, since usually it tapers off anyway. But you could try experimenting with different schedules, or leaving it open all the time, etc., it just depends how much time you want to devote to monitoring and updating it. For me, I mostly want to do a big burst of work and then not have to think about it most of the rest of the time, lol.

So...questions? comments? thoughts? wanna tell me I’m dead wrong? I’m all ears, lemme know how I can help!

#destiel favs survey #unforth replies #sorry if this is a mess I've GOT to do some writing so I don't want to take the time to edit it #treatlouwithkindness

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creed-of-cats · 4 years ago

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Caerdroia Notes

-i misspelled this title like five times, thought I got it right, then autocorrect fixed it :(

-yes, please let Eight sleep, especially in the divergent universe. I saw a post (on Johannesvii's tumblr) that was talking about sleepy intimacy and the Charley and Crizz gently looking over him while he's sleeping is...d'aw :)

-I haven't really met Crizz before, but he sounds great, especially while being a sassy prisoner with Charley

-"bye" *falls asleep* pffffft

-"The mind blast, ooo really?" I chuckled out loud here, he's so unimpressed

-"Stop being ridiculous"

"I’ve tried not to but I just can’t stop, perhaps I should join a twelve step program" ASJFKDKSJJDJ

-"If you don't help me, I'll erase all your memories or your little transgressions, and you'll know it (several sentences about how Kroka will fuck himself up from this)...*quietly* Do I need to go on?"

Always love it when eight is quietly being an eldritch horror. I feel like he tends to do this a lot more then the other doctors, especially pre-time war ones.

-Eight is pissed and its great

-also yeah, Time Lord in a universe without time is...geez poor Eight

-why are there cows

-I’m confused, wtf is he saying

-ISNSIENS THERE’S THREE OF HIM??

-I THOUGHT THE "why would you be hallucinating anyways?" Was crizz but its...ditzy eight?

-"i thought we were taller" d'aw, he's a dumb bitch but he's cute

-pdkdinrieje Charlie's just like that John Mulaney quote "You know those days when you're like 'this might as well happen.'" But she crosses the line at an evil twin. And the asshole one is like "We cant have an evil twin if we're triplets, dumbass"

Ditsy Eight "Its quite pretty here :D"

Charlie sounding genuinely happy "Yes :D"

-so what's wrong with the somewhat normal Eight?

-oh is he just super pessimistic?? Depressed??

-"Oh alright let's vote...I had to vote to break the three way tie! D:<"

-pffft there’s too many lines, this is too funny

-TIGGER!EIGHT NO

-ha crizz is like "fuck these cows"

-I find it really interesting that the Nasty Eight was the one to automatically take charge

-STRING :D

-"Unpleasant plans?" "Yes" "Yess, they generally are :/" lol Eight is so tired

-"Why should I tell you?" "Just to be nice??" OSNDODJ THE WAY EIGHT SAID IT TOO

-"Not as an enemy...well as an enemy, but a friendly one. Have you heard of anger management classes?" *sounds of pain* EIGHT NO

-"You don't have feet D:<" *gets kicked*

-"Yes, I do. talk like a fool, but I always know what I'm talking like a fool about" Eldritch trickster vibes yesss

-I like when its acknowledged that despite all the bs and terrible things about Gallifrey, there's implications he didn't initially choose to leave it, and Gallifrey is still his childhood home. His own kind barely tolerate him and it hurts.

-and this is the last incarnation (at least until late 11?? 12??) with Gallifrey to go back to, yikes.

-side I really liked how he half chuckled half said "yes I do!"

-lmao Charley is like "if the doctor could stop being suicidal for like 3 seconds that would be great"

-Crizz and Charley have wonderful banter together, I'm growing to like Crizz quite a bit

-OH THANK GOD, CRIZZ ACTUALLY HAS BRAINCELLS AND A SELF PRESERVATION INSTINCT HALLELUJAH

-tigger!eight being like "do it, you won't, pussy"

-stop messing with Eight's memory, he really doesn't need this

-"Nooooo thank you" pJSIDBSI WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

-”I’M ALREADY SORRY, I WAS SORRY THE MOMENT I ARRIVED" ISHSUSBSUSBSHB

-Lowkey want to make am audio comp of lines from this, it's so good

-OHH IT'S THE ASSHOLE ONE "They keep a sharp eye on me...only, they're not here now" OOOOOOOOO

-(reminds me of 12's line in Face the Raven: "The Doctor is no longer here, you are stuck with me.")

-I feel like this is literally the personification of "Are you tired of being nice? don't you just wanna go apeshit?" This part of eight has an evil laugh, sounds a lot more like the master, and is here to get shit done and it's great

-D’aw they’re all so happy to be in the Tardis, and I’m really glad to see her after she disappeared in Scherzo :D

-”You’ve just never seen him happy.” :(

-The Tardis literally has time in her name, it must suck for her to be in a universe without time, and to have been separated from her boo :( Though from what I’ve heard about Zagreus, maybe its best they had a break from each other

#caerdroia #eighth doctor #big finish #8th doctor #dw #doctor who #classic who #crizz #c'rizz #charley pollard #the divergent arc

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hidelaney · 5 years ago

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Hi Delaney!

Ah, yes the quarantine. It’s getting to me. Definitely. Suddenly I have no office to go to. But it’s good, I think. Make the CEO realize the upper management has no literal reasons to keep us in the office. Like at all. Seriously, everyone from my team is working from home and the level of productivity is actually better. Because guess what? Not having people breathing down our necks is SUPER helpful. So HA!

Okay, about Larry Stylinson. You’re right, I did fall into YouTube Blackhole. And Twitter. And I just watched 1D San Siro concert. By watching, I mean I actually paused the work I’m doing and looked at the screen while it played. Admittedly I was also doing chores but! It wasn’t just background music! It counted!

When I said I could put Larry Stylinson in a microwave and be done with it, I mean the theories and compilation videos are so readily available and easy to digest like, comparable to instant meals.

It’s so neatly packaged, too. Like, I was introduced to Larry Stylinson basically yesterday. Now I could recite the storyline in my head whenever I please. Or when I want to please you, in this case.

Let’s see if I can get it all summarized down here. FYI, I’m borrowing your assumption that Taylor was in on it the whole time. And Eleanor, too. Because I actually know of her existence now! Character discovery! Except they’re real people so I feel the need to point out that I’m making all the assumptions all over the place. I’m doing this for you, my dear Delaney.

Keep in mind that we all need character growths and personal developments when I make non-flattering assumptions toward your favorite people here, ok?

First up! HS & TL met in a toilet.

Now it’s debatable whether it was during an X-Factor audition or Battle of the Bands. For the sake’s of my next argument, I’m going with they knew each other before X-Factor. Likely during their time in White Eskimo and The Rogue, respectively. Their (unconfirmed?) first words to each other were ‘Oops!’ & ‘Hi’

Up next, the X-Factor audition and getting put together in a band.

So here is where I kind of needed my first assumption for this to work. Their chemistry was so obviously through the roof. It made so much sense if they were already sort-of friends and then got put together in a band. Plus, I don’t think the way Louis jumped into Harry’s arms is something a relative stranger would do. And if they only knew each other out of everyone there, it’s no wonder they were both so apparently clingy and codependent. It’s like a situation where both of them went ‘I have no idea what’s gonna happen next, but at least I know you and you know me. So we’re bestie now. No take back!”

And then there’re video diaries, twitter cams, radio interviews, and other broadcasting media they appeared in. These need no explanation because you’ve probably seen all of them and I have functioning ears and eyes. So, yes, I saw videos of them being all disgustingly cute all over the place. During the so-called ‘Fetus’ phase (a wording which I personally find rather disturbing, no offense to your anatomy textbooks or anything.) They’re so sweet. Especially whenever there’s a mention of how they moved in and lived together. Their interactions must’ve been responsible for so many tooth cavities. So many aww-worthy moments. On stage, on screen, behind the scenes, potato cams. Basically everywhere in front of everyone.

Then 1D blew up and were well on their way to become their label’s biggest and brightest BCG-metrix star. It’s not hard to see why investors’d be invested (lol) in employing every marketing strategy possible to keep 1D in the spotlight.

There’s a twofold marketing exploitation to Larry Stylinson that I see from miles away.

Hard sell the heteronormative version of the boys. (To capture major market shares)

Never had Harry or Louis explicitly confirm nor deny their relationship status. (To capture additional market shares with queerbaiting)

But let’s say Harry and Louis were actually together and making 1) too difficult to achieve. Otherwise this whole thing falls apart like a wet house of cards.

Thus, here came what I’d like to call ‘dousing a fire with gasoline’. This is where there’s a sudden drop of their interactions in public and Larry Stylinson isn’t a cutesy smashup name of two boys who got along like a house on fire anymore. This is the part where a ship turned into a full fledged conspiracy theory. And it’s MEGA COOL WICKED awesome.

I say this in the nicest way possible. A tragedy is the grandest form of entertainments. Misery loves having friends.

Also, I’d like to say this. I’m having fun thinking of this as a fictional arc. Because I still feel like it will shatter my heart in to a million pieces if anything resembling what I write next was true.

Since breaking into US market was the Kickstarter into a global one, to the US 1D went.

This was where the heavy closeting got way more difficult to handle. Elounor had the excuse of Eleanor being a private citizen and therefore should be left alone for the most part. Haylor was the complete opposite. Taylor Swift was and still is an American Sweetheart. Harry Styles might have been the most famous British Harry if it weren’t for a (former?) prince and a wizard. (Seriously, we should not call any of our hypothetical future children ‘Harry’ unless you thought ‘Albus Severus Potter’ was a good idea. Poor kiddo.)

The saddest part about Harry Styles public image was how reminiscent of Emma Watson it felt. The minute they turned eighteen, their media portrayals immediately became hyper-sexualized. Suddenly, they left the human zoo into an open hunting game. Famous lives are terrifying.

Anyhow, say, Taylor Swift knew what the US music industry was like. She’s been playing the long game for quite some time. She got to know Harry and then became rather protective of him. Her conclusion was that ‘hyping up Haylor’ would: 1) increase media exposure for both Taylor and 1D which would translate to bigger channels of revenue for all involved, 2) hold the speculation about Harry’s sexual orientation at bay because, as horrible as it sounds, gays don’t sell in America.

This one fit nicely with your ‘Out of the Woods’ interpretation. Taylor wasn’t just spending time with Harry. She was actively enforcing the lock on the closet. Which explains why Louis seemed to resent Taylor quite obviously and quite a lot. His own heteronormative scripts with Eleanor had been relatively tame. Harry’s whirlwind series of romances in public had only just begun.

As Harry started gaining a womanizer reputation in earnest, so did the Almost-Subtle Couple Tattoo Sprees.

If ‘Always in my heart @Harry_Styles . Yours sincerely, Louis’ tweet was a sign that circumstances were about to go south for them. The tattoos were signs that the circumstances had already gone to shit. The tragic package had been shipped, signed, and delivered.

This is where non-flattering assumptions rise to the surface. I think 1D had been overworked past the point of exhaustion. Self-destruction as a coping mechanism became rather prevalent and pervasive within the band. The boys gleefully collected regrets as a new favorite pastime, some more than others. Consequences were nipping at their heels.

Then Zayn left right in the middle of a world tour and all hell broke loose.

Here comes the biggest Assumption Affair!

Louis and Liam, the last to release their solo debut albums, were the most prominent songwriters for the band. I’m not going to go on about Liam because I’m here to give you Larry Stylinson. And this is already way too long as it is. But, needless to say, the first discussion of a prospective solo career probably hit them the hardest.

If each song they wrote was a battle scar, Louis was still bleeding for the band when Harry, of all people, brought up the idea of a hiatus and solo careers. Realizing how many songs Harry already had waiting in the back catalogue must’ve felt like a slap in the face. Or a punch in the gut. Whichever you think is worse/more dramatic. I’m not picky.

Remember self-destruction as coping mechanism? What about relationship-destruction as coping mechanism? Louis cheated and had a baby with someone else. Infidelity at its finest.

ALERT! THIS IS A NEON SIGN OF ASSUMPTION AFFAIR! Please don’t kill me. I told you I was gonna make unflattering assumptions toward your favorite people. I just did as I promised!!! *run for cover*

Anyway...

I’m gonna take you back a little. I mentioned earlier how Eleanor was a private citizen and therefore should be left alone. At times when Louis desperately needed to be left alone, Elounor makes so much sense. If she’s a PR-only girlfriend, she’s a stellar employee. If it’s not just a PR thing, she’s as forgiving as a saint. Just, if it’s Harry and Louis, they likely both messed up and hurt each other badly. If it’s Louis and Eleanor,... I mean... Have you seen a meme where you misspell a word so badly that the autocorrect goes, ‘I don’t know what to tell you, man’?... Louis would be that misspelled word and Eleanor would be the very best autocorrect that practically brute force through every word in the Oxford AND Urban dictionary to find out what that word was. If that’s who she is, then bless her soul. However, for the sake of this argument, we will proceed with the assumption that she’s the star employee of the decade.

Losing loved ones and grieving for them are inevitable parts of human lives. Nothing put more things into perspectives than losing someone so fundamentally dear to you. When I heard Louis Tomlinson’s ‘Two of Us’ for the first time, I remembered walking through an actual forest my grandpa planted for us because he wanted to make sure his great grandkids would have a nice home to grow up in. Do you remember when you called and told me that he died the night I got on my first solo international flight ten months after the fact? I wanted to hate you for keeping something this big a secret from me. I wanted to hate everybody at home for that. But then you told me that it was what my grandpa had wanted. That he didn’t want me to be a sad sack of an exchange student. That you decided to not listen to my parents and call to tell me just before I was due home. So that I’d have time to feel hurt about being lied to. So that I could get all the angry words out. So that I wouldn’t scream at my parents when I got home and learnt the truth. So that you could take the brunt of my grief instead.

I just took a break to have a little cry. Where was I? Oh, yeah. You did the best you could for me when I lost my grandpa. I still managed to effectively shut you out for months. Just because you were the messenger of the bad news. What I’m trying to say is that grief changes people. It changed me. For the worst for a bit. And then for the better once I came to term with what it means to me. There’s a quote from Rosamund Lupton that sums it up neatly.

“Grief is love turned into an eternal missing.”

I guess this is the part where I connected the dots back to Harry and Louis. Well, their music definitely give grief different names. Both albums talk about coming to term with it and moving forward. Every songs they wrote could be woven to fit the narrative of Larry Stylinson and events surrounding them. If you buy the theory, then the good news is both Fine Line & Walls seemed to have a positive ending. One thing I know for sure, though, is that no matter how convincing a conspiracy theory maybe, it could all be built upon a faulty assumption. I’d probably have a way easier time disregarding Elouner if I didn’t have you as a solid proof in my life that, yes, people like the best autocorrect exists. It’s funny how I feel no hesitation at all in categorizing Haylor as a calculated move. Because in my head that’s just par for the course in business. And it genuinely terrifies me in a way. Who the hell I could’ve become if it weren’t for you knocking me off the ground and pouring kindness on me.

I know I skipped a lot of stuff. Missing names like Caroline, Danielle, Kendall, Freddie, Camille, Xander, etc. But HS and LT have a decade of history on public record and, frankly, my interest ran out four paragraphs ago. So just let me conclude this.

I think it’s tiring, spending this much time speculating on someone else’s relationship history. I must admit that I had to get it out of my chest because it was way too interesting to let go off. But now, I feel like I’m just going to stream Heartbreak Weather and listen to ‘No Judgement’ on repeat. Nile is my favorite non-problematic celebrity. I could spell his name so wrong and it probably won’t be an issue as long as I politely say, “Sorry, Mr Niall Horan”

This quarantine clearly leaves me with too much time on my hands.

Virtual hugs and kisses

Your Incredible Sasha 😘

#larry stylinson #haylor #elounor #aimh theory #larry #i hope you like this #in this essay i will...

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