#I woke myself up by having a bee fly into my ear

[krzysdreamblog]

One time - I was walking around with my father through the district I was raised in. This was some time after my dad got us some Šakotis. I had one of the smaller plates from my parents' place.

So I'm walking down the promenade talking to my father, eating Šakotis and eventually I finished eating it.

However

The plate had this little hole in the enamel. And bees kept flying out of there. I mean, bees oftentimes live inbholes underground, right? As we were walking there were literally holes in the ground teeming with more bees.

Having bees come out of my plate though? Slightly awkward. I had to finish my plate, you see.

So faced with no other option I started eating the bees (really quickly, so they wouldn't get scared and sting me). Eventually I got tired of that though. How many bees can one person eat? Fr.

Trying to empty my plate I started fanning it. And then a bee flew right into my ear.

[in-ky]

An Old Scent [2] - Negan x Reader (A/B/O AU)

Summary: During summer break, you decide to come back home to visit your dad, Rick. Over the course of your stay, you realize that your dad's friend is pretty hot.

Warnings: Eventual smut, A/B/O dynamics, cheating, angst, age gap, Negan, a bit of gore if you squint

A/N: ok so everything is written i'm just gonna stagger posting a little bit :') 2.7k words

The first thing I woke up to in the morning was a dull ache in my lower abdomen. Great. My heat was starting up again. Growing up, Bee always asked why I never went on suppressants. I always got a bad vibe from them. Then, a few years ago, a large brand got recalled because it was shown to cause cancer in a lot of different patients. Now suppressants were harder to come by, more regulated, and needed a doctor's prescription. A lot of omegas took the hit hard, but out of it came an influx of at-home ways to take care of your heats by yourself. Super helpful for a single girl like me. When my heats started to get really bad around my junior year of high school, Bee took me out on a shopping spree and got me a bunch of toys to try and satisfy myself. It worked for a while, but they got worse as the years passed. By my age, a lot of omegas were already claimed and had an alpha to help them through their heats. I was still relying on the toys Bee had bought me. The box was tucked neatly under my bed, waiting for me. I rolled over with a small groan and sighed. The heat wouldn't be in full swing for another few days or so, so I could still go to the courthouse with my dad. Speaking of, I heard Rick shuffling down the hall and slid out of bed, gathering my bathroom stuff and walking out of my room into the small tiled room to start the day.

~~~

"So you weren't at the garage on the night of the eight?" Negan hummed, leaning against the railing in front of the tv. His eyes were glued to the face of the man sitting on the stand. The poor guy was drenched in a nervous sweat, tight blue shirt sucking at his chubby neck. He swallowed thickly and leaned forward to the microphone.

"That's correct," he croaked.

"Oh, Jeremy," Negan chuckled, shaking his head and looking at his feet. "Don't you know perjury is a criminal offense?"

"I-I'm not lying!"

"Is that so?" The alpha held up the remote to the TV "I have some footage here that directly contradicts your story, man. One last chance." He wiggled the remote teasingly and raised his eyebrows. Jeremy held his ground. "Alrighty then, let's see what we have here." He took a step back and furrowed his brow at the remote and pressed a button. The screen in front of him came to life. I had to lean forward in order to see the video, but in reality it wasn't the security tape I was watching. It was him. I couldn't look away. He had dominated the room for the past hour and a half. His deep voice was never raised, but it still carried a commanding tone that had every person sitting on the stand shaking in their boots. My eyes trailed down his body. His suit clung to him in every perfect way. His hair was slicked back in its iconic style and the way his glasses perched on his face made my insides burn. Part of me regretted seeing him like this so close to my heat, but another part couldn't imagine if I hadn't. Rick leaned over and tapped my elbow.

"We've got him now for sure." He whispered in my ear. A smile formed on my lips as I nodded to him. There was a child-like joy on his face. He really did appreciate my presence. I turned my attention back to the video screen. The footage was fuzzy, but there was a clear figure of a woman standing still hunched over what I presumed was her phone. She was texting away, fingers flying over her screen. Suddenly a large figure, who had the same height and build as Jeremy, slunk out from the shadows. He slowly approached the woman from behind and raised a crowbar high above his head. He swung it down with brutal force. There were small gasps of horror from the jury and the crowd as the crowbar connected solidly with the woman's head. She collapsed in a heap, but Jeremy didn't stop beating her until she was a pile of mush. Negan clicked the TV off.

"Well, shit, Jeremy," He boomed "I do in fact think you are lyin' to me." He tossed the remote down on his table top and gave a grim scoff. "Everyone just saw you turn poor Miss Parker's head into your personal punching bag. You still wanna claim you were no where near there?" All of the color had drained from Jeremy's round face. He swallowed again, tugging at his restricting collar. But soon, his face turned a deep shade of pink and he slammed his beefy palms on the flat surface of the box he was sitting in.

"That bitch deserved it!" He howled, gasping for air. "She had no business-" He stopped when Negan raised his hand silently.

"I really don't care," He sighed, turning around and grinning broadly when he saw the defense team resting their heads in their hands in defeat. "I'll let the jury do the rest, your honor."

"Yes, thank you, Mr. Smith." The judge said, voice prickling with annoyance. Negan returned to his bench and pulled out his seat. But before he sat down he gave Rick a small thumbs up. And I could have sworn that he flashed me a little smile as well.

~~~

"You were incredible in there!" I cheered, giving Negan a high five. The contact made my skin tingle, but I passed it off as the consequences of the impact. "You really made that guy tremble like a kid!"

"It's what I do," Negan chuckled deeply. He looked around me and furrowed his brow. "Where's your dad?"

"He's pulling the car around," I said "I just figured I should let you know how good you did before I leave." He was so close. He smelled so good. The same combination of whiskey and campfire that could get me drunk in a few breaths. I was so focused on his intoxicating musk that I didn't notice the group of alphas that were headed our way. Negan did, though. I heard a rumbling from his chest and felt a hand clasp around my shoulder. Confusion clouded my mind and I looked up to him for some answers.

"The next case is starting soon," He said smoothly "Let's go wait for your dad outside." I agreed and he steered me out onto the steps of the courthouse. The short skirt and heels I was wearing weren't exactly comfortable for walking down stairs, so I held onto Negan's forearm as he guided me down to street level. There was a small breeze and I saw his jaw tense as a soft gust of wind swirled up from behind me and into his body. It no doubt carried my scent on it, and an alpha like Negan could probably tell what state I was in.

"So," I sighed, looking to engage him further "What's next?"

"Well," He tilted his head and ran a hand over his bear-covered chin. "Jeremy goes to jail. Your dad and the department get praise. And I get to go to the bar for a celebratory drink." He paused for a moment, looking me up and down quickly. "You want to join me?" I opened my mouth to say something. To be honest, I wasn't sure what I was going to say. I didn't really drink, but I was willing to do absolutely anything that Negan wanted. But it was then that Rick rounded the corner and gave the horn a little honk.

"I would love to," I settled on "But dad has a full day of father-daughter fun times planned, and I don't really want to keep him waiting." I gestured awkwardly to where Rick was sitting in the car, bopping his head gently to incoherent music.

"Totally understand, doll." He grinned.

"Maybe another time, though?"

"For sure."

"See you around, Negan."

"Bye, doll, have fun. And be safe"

~~~

Negan was pleasantly buzzed, as per usual. He got off his motorcycle and hung his helmet on the handlebar before lightly stumbling into the house from the dark garage. The sight he saw he did not expect. There sat his fiancé in the living room, arms crossed over her chest with a pissed expression on her face. And beside her was a woman he knew all too well.

"The hell is goin' on here?" He asked, slurring his words slightly.

"I could ask you the same thing, Negan."

"Lucille, what the fuck is she doing in our house?"

"Oh, so you know her?" Lucille growled. Negan just licked his lips and flicked his gaze between the two women sitting in front of him. "Of course you do. You have been fucking her after all." Negan groaned, rubbing his eyes.

"Baby, please-" He started, but Lucille cut him off.

"Don't you dare," She hissed, jumping to her feet and balling her hands into fists "You don't get to call me that after what you've done, Negan. You slept with another woman. Hell, maybe more than one. You ruined our relationship." Negan took a step forward but Lucille raised her hand and pointed to the kitchen table. "Don't take another step. Your stuff is in that box." Negan looked to see a cardboard box sitting alone in the dark kitchen, his belongings poking out of the top. "I never want to see you in my house again."

"Lucille, can't we just talk about this? You don't understand." He pleased, extending a hand to her. She batted it away.

"There's nothing to talk about." She spat "You cheated on me, Negan! What is there to understand? How can you expect me to forgive you for that?" A moment of silence passed between them. The other woman shifted uncomfortably on the couch. Negan glared at her before turning his eyes back to his now ex-fiancé.

"I have no where to stay." He whispered.

"That's not my problem." Lucille said boldly "Take your shit and leave. Don't come back. We're done."

~~~

I stirred the pot of spaghetti while humming a song I heard on a radio earlier. The father-daughter activities had consisted of driving around town and revisiting old spots we used to go to when I was younger. We got ice cream at the shop down the street and then watched the sun set at the park that we used to picnic at. It was nice. College did really fix our relationship. The TV in the next room hummed quietly and Rick was talking on the phone with someone. I heard him hang up and walk into the kitchen.

"Think there's enough in there for three?" He asks with a sigh, looking over my shoulder.

"Should be, why?" I return, meeting his gaze. He takes a deep breath and scratches his neck.

"Um, well, Negan's fiancé kicked him out of the house. Apparently she found out he was cheating on her. He doesn't have anywhere to stay." He mumbled "He's gonna be sleeping here for a bit." I stopped stirring. The water started to bubble too close to the top, but I blew a gust of air to push it down.

"Why here?" was all I could muster.

"He really helped me with your mom. It's the least I can do."

I just hummed in acknowledgement and returned to my cooking. So Negan was engaged. And he CHEATED on his fiancé? Maybe I didn't know Negan as well as I thought I did...

~~~

"I just can't believe she kicked me out!" Negan seethed, shoveling a spoonful of spaghetti into his mouth. He was still chewing when he continued. "She didn't even give me a chance to explain myself!"

"I hate to say it, but you did cheat on her, buddy," Rick said carefully, not wanting to poke the angry alpha in the wrong way "She's upset."

"I was in a rut." Negan growled.

"For four months?"

I was making a plate for myself, listening to the conversation from across the room. Rick's phone buzzed on the kitchen table and he picked it up.

"Sorry, I have to take this." He sighed, shaking his head and standing to his feet. He left the room and suddenly it was just me and Negan. I took my plate to the opposite head of the table, watching Negan wolf down his dinner.

"This shit is really good, sweetheart," He groaned. Normally, the noise would have sent me over the moon. But there were so many other emotions clouding my mind. "You ever consider changing your major to culinary arts?" I didn't say anything, just twirled my fork in my serving of pasta.

"Why'd you do it?" I said quietly, almost in a whisper. Negan paused instantly.

"What?"

"Why'd you cheat on her?" My eyes never left my plate but I could hear him shifting in his seat, rubbing his face while trying to answer my question.

"I don't know," He said. His voice was soft, sincere. Something I had never heard from him before. My eyes drifted up and met his. They were the same tawny color, but there was something else behind them. Something I couldn't distinguish. "I thought...Something was off in our relationship. I guess I thought that I could fix it by trying something different. I ran into Tanya at a bar a few months ago. She's a beta, just like Lucille. Wanted to be with an alpha. I gave in. Just for a quick fuck, didn't mean anything. I didn't like her. I told her that but...she...she wanted more, I guess. She fucking threatened me. Threatened to ruin my life unless I kept seeing her. I chose to do it. I don't know if that decision was the right one or not but it's the one I made. I texted her last night to tell her it was over. Never fucking thought she would come to my home." I was chewing the inside of my cheek the whole time he was speaking. I didn't know how much of his story was true, but he sounded like he was hurting.

"Why did you break it off?" I whispered.

"That's your damn question?" He scoffed, giving a short smile. He looked in my eyes. I knew the answer. Or at least I thought I did. He opened his mouth, but Rick reentered the room before he could say anything.

"Alright, sorry about that guys," He said, slipping back into his seat. "What did I miss?"

~~~

Negan was set up in the bedroom next door to mine. Our doors faced each other from across the hall. We would have to share a bathroom. Rick didn't seem to have a problem with it, but with my heat starting I wasn't too sure about the whole arrangement. I felt more cramps riddle my body. I was ready to bed, ready to curl up in a ball and go to sleep, but something called me across the hall. Curiosity got me and I turned slightly, walking up and leaning on the doorframe. There was Negan, clad in grey sweatpants and a black tank top, unpacking his things.

"Hey," I said quietly, not wanting to startle him. He turned around. He looked older like this, hair unkempt and his glasses on. When he saw me his lips curled in a smile. Any trace of vulnerability I had seen earlier was now gone.

"Hey to you."

"I just want to apologize for earlier," I said "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm also sorry that you have to be subjected to me and my dad for the foreseeable future." He let out a snicker and shook his head.

"Don't worry about it, doll. And you're not that bad. I appreciate Rick; he's a good man." He scratched his beard and looked over at the clock next to the bed. "It's late, you should get some rest." He took a deep breath and I nodded. I turned to leave but he called my name softly. "You know I meant what I said last night, you are looking good." I smiled but didn't say anything and crossed the hall, shutting my door and hopping into bed.

[votederpycausemufins]

-puts more angst on the plate that is this fic- have fun~!

@petrichormeraki “Oh myan oh myan oh myan!” Crumb wiggled her stubby cat legs as she held onto Tubbo, her smaller form going unnoticed by their avian captor. “Where’s he takin’ us?”

“I d-don’t know.” Tubbo replied, trying not to sound as scared as he felt. “I o-only came here recently. T-Tommy’s the one that knows everything.”

“Well, Sprinklez will definitely find us and and he’s gonna slay dis beast!”

“What?! No! He can’t do that! That’s Tommy’s brother! There’s just something wrong with him. Tommy used seeds last time so we need those.”

“Okee okee okee, I’ll look for seeds when we land.”

“Thanks Crumb.” The two were otherwise silent as Grian continued to fly, but then they both noticed as he seemed to sway in the air, his flight no longer steady. “Um, Grian? Grian? What was the other name? Xelqua? I know Tommy’s been calling you Big G, even though it feels like he’s- woah!”

Grian’s flying straightened out and then his face appeared as he looked down at Tubbo. Tubbo froze, there were feathers all over the place and even more eyes than before. While they were mainly purple, his two original eyes were now a more reddish hue.

Tubbo could feel Crumb shift on their back, thankfully out of sight. There seemed to be a little whimper their ears picked up, but it didn’t seem Grian heard the same, or just assumed it was Tubbo.

Grian looked back up and with him no longer blocking the view, Tubbo could see Grian’s mansion getting closer. His old hope was that maybe Tommy was there.

Grian landed on the roof of the place, dropping Tubbo and making Crumb roll on the ground. He spotted her instantly and immediately grabbed her instead. “No! Leave her alone!” Tubbo shouted, but he didn’t listen. The teen could only watch as a portal of bedrock and obsidian appeared. Magic that matched Grian’s eyes appeared in the frame as it was lit and then Crumb was tossed into the portal.

Crumb screamed as she was thrown through, scared about what would happen and what would be on the other side. She seemed to be falling for an eternity and was scared about what would happen when she finally hit the ground. She thought about making sure she was really a cat to try and mitigate it, but then realized a more obvious answer would be a bird. 

Not wanting to become a parrot after everything that just happened. Crumb shifted into a chicken. She spread her little white wings and her descent slowed, allowing her to finally get a look at her surroundings. Based on the chill of the air and the darkness of the world around her, it looked like the void. Crumb looked around, hoping to see the creamy yellow color of endstone, but there was none to be seen.

“What’s a chicken doing here?” Someone spoke up and Crumb started looking around. Beside her, also falling, was a man in a bee suit.

“Dat’s one big bee!” Crumb said, shocked, surprising the bee man as well.

“Oh, you must have been one of the visitors. I was told there would be a shapeshifter.”

Crumb nodded and then shifted to her cat hybrid form. “Ye, I’m Crumb. I came here wit my dad Sprinklez. Are we in da void?”

“Not quite. I’m not sure where we are. If it were the normal void I could easily get us out of here, but that’s not the case.”

“Aww, well, I was wit my new friend Tubbox and den a big harpy lookin’ guy attacked us and apparently he was my other new friend Tommy’s brudder.”

“So that was Grian. I wasn’t completely sure it had been so fast. I tried contacting the other Hermits but my communicator isn’t working and I can’t even reach my admin panels.”

“Oh dat’s not good.”

“No it is not.”

Tubbo tried to run to the portal, but was stopped by Grian. “Bring her back! She’s my friend! Tommy’s too!”

But Grian just stared as he tried, getting in their way. Tommy didn’t say anything about a cat friend, right? No, he didn’t. It was just Tubbo, and now Tubbo was going to be safe. Tubbo will go in the nest and stay there while he gets rid of everyone else. Grian dragged Tubbo over to the window near the nest and started to break the blocks to get in. Halfway through, he noticed the nest was very empty.

Someone took them, a voice shouted. Or killed them came another. They may have just gone looking. Or are hiding. They’ll come back for a Tubbo, right? Right. Grian liked how helpful the voices were being. He plopped Tubbo down in the nest.

“Let go of me! And bring Crumb back! She’s our friend!”

“Bring. Back. Friend.” Grian parroted. “Bring back friend.”

“Yes!” Tubbo pleaded. “Yes make another portal to bring Crumb back. Her dad will be so worried if she’s gone again.”

“��႑𑁦᠑෦१߀០ ⓿೧꣠༠፩⓵១୧ ႐Ⅰ㍘〇¹႞٠१ ႐Ⅰ㍘〇¹႞٠१ 𝟘᧚༳᧑➊০౸፩” Grian spoke in a language Tubbo had never heard and could barely comprehend. He covered his ears only to find them slightly wet and pulled a hand back to see blood come back, though it was turning a purplish hue. That freaked Tubbo out and he scrambled away, trying to find an escape from the roof that wouldn’t kill them.

But before he could go far, Grian grabbed him again and when their eyes opened again, he was in what seemed to be a large nest. “Uh… h-huh… guess that makes s-sense for a bird. Avian. Harpy? W-whatever you are right now.”

He’s scared of you. He should be. But he’s Tommy’s friend. Tommy asked you to keep him safe. Why is it purple. Duh, because of the Watchers. But he’s not one, right? But it happened because of Grian. He’s still bleeding though.

Grian looked closer at Tubbo, they were right, he was bleeding. But no, it couldn’t have happened because of him. It had to have been that outsider. One of the ones causing problems. Just like Xisuma had been. But now they were both gone. Now he just needed Mumbo and Tommy and his children here too. And then he could get rid of everyone else that shouldn’t be here.

Grian left Tubbo in the nest as he flew back into the air, using Watcher magic to take him elsewhere in the world.

Philza woke up to someone shaking him violently, it made his eyes snap open and look around to see iron bars surrounding him. He planned to look around more for a way out but a giant white mask with a smile on it was peering at him, shocking him and making him squawk. It was then he realized he was currently in his raven form, and there was no way he could shift back while in what was most likely a bird cage.

“Took you long enough to wake up.” Dream spoke to him. They were both outside, which shouldn’t have been possible with the former admin in the vault. “I suppose rest was needed after your fight.” Phil couldn’t remember any fight. “I had no idea Grian was your son. I guess it makes sense with his achievements, even if you abandoned him for most of his life.” Philza crowed, trying to argue with Dream, managing a ‘fuck you’ with his mimicry skills as a raven. But the cage just got rattled around again.

“Tommy doesn’t belong in a place like that. He belongs here. Watchers are dangerous beings Philza. You leaving him there is practically a death sentence. It would be best if you went over there and brought him back along with anyone else that’s over there.” Philza tried to argue, but he suddenly had a dizzy spell. “People like me don’t just become admins. We have to jump through hoop after hoop. I may not be an admin anymore, but I’m not powerless. You have two options here. Bring Tommy back, or don’t and I bring him back myself. And I won’t be as kind as you might be to him.”

Philza wanted to argue, but if Dream could do this, there’s no telling what could happen to Tommy now that it was obvious this man wasn’t playing nice anymore. He bowed his head in defeat and the next moment the cage was opened and he was dropped out of it. “Now don’t take too long, or I’ll assume you’ve betrayed me, and it’ll be even worse for the two of you.” Dream threatened, and Philza nodded before flying to the infinity portal.

Grian looked down at his friend defending the enemy. Is he really your friend anymore if he’s doing that? Maybe they were more friends with Xisuma than you. He was gone for three months, why wouldn’t he change sides for that. “Grian, you need to calm down. We can’t find Xisuma right now, so if you-”

“Can’t find Xisuma. Right now. Down.” Behind Iskall, Hbomb pulled out an axe, ready to fight Grian. Reluctantly Iskall pulled out a weapon of their own, not completely willing to fight their friend, especially since they had some trouble when all the hermits had been there.

The moment H took a step, Grian attacked, and Iskall barely had time to react and attempt to get between the two. Their shield was held up, but there was enough force from Grian’s attack that Iskall felt themself be pushed back until they collided with Hbomb. There was what sounded like a portal behind them and Iskall spawn a glimpse of what looked like bedrock before they were falling.

Grian watched the portal disappear, a pang of guilt hitting him. He didn’t want to get rid of Iskall, but he had to. People like that weren’t supposed to be here. They needed to go into the portal-pit. Tools in the portal. Gear in the pit. Enemies in the portal-pit. Yes. It was all very logical. Right?

[hallowedmuses]

𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑐𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑡: 𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝑝𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟

SUMMARY: Our ragtag team of heroes including Natasha Romanoff, Daniel Sousa, Clint Barton, Loki Laufeyson, Veronica Stevens, and Deke come together to rescue Director Daisy Johnson from the clutches of Lucia von Bardas. TRIGGERS: Torture, Violence, PTSD, Trauma WRITTEN WITH: @ofbartons, @oflokismischief, @ofdcniels, @daisyljohnson, @ronniestvns, @oflemcns

CLINT: when loki woke him up for the rescue mission, clint wasted no time. he threw on the first shirt he could find, which luckily was clean, and his shoes before literally tumbling out the door with his bow in hand. his fuzzy pizza-sliced patterned pajama pants wasn't the most tactical choice, but then again neither was his bright purple t-shirt and converse. once they'd arrived at the hellicarrier, clint took out the guards on a section of the deck before firing a bomb arrow at the wall to create a point of entry for 'tasha and the dude in the blue shirt. "i will admit, being subtle might have been the smarter play here." he chuckled over the comms while firing a trio of arrows. the explosion had two purposes in his head- one, the point of entry, and two, draw attention away from daisy's rescue duo. the second purpose was just working a little better than he'd thought it would. he slid across the deck, firing off a couple more arrows before standing up and kicking one of the guards in the chest. using the controls on the handle of his bow, he switched to a smoke arrow before aiming at a group of the guards "hey lo, i'm really glad you have the cape still." keeping the arrow drawn back, clint turned his head to look at his boyfriend "otherwise i'd be too distracted by that ass of yours." he winked and let the arrow loose, still looking in loki's direction "not to mention all these schmucks would be staring at it." he switched back to regular arrows before firing into the smoke.

LOKI: Loki should've known Clint would be far from ready when it was time to lead the mission, it had been quite awhile since he'd gone into battle but then again he did quite love the hunt when it came down too it. His mission was simply and if anything he could easily take out anything humans could throw at him. "Possibly but then again we have quite the army of people who have been missing out dear Director and I'd burn the place down if she wasn't in there." He mused throwing iced daggers at all who dared come near. For those who got to close they were met with his quick stabs and his illusions. when he heard his boyfriend speak chuckling softly "Its all about fashion darling, Those little SHIELD outfits do nothing for my figure" He mused back looking at Clint he always found his Archery skills rather attractive before he rolled his eyes "as for my ass I'm sure I can other wise to distract you, maybe flirt with a villain or two and see how much of your spy skills come out to play, after all Green is quite your color my hawk"

NATASHA: "Subtilty was never your strong suit, but I do appreciate the flare. The pajamas make it easier to find you too," she laughed as Clint shot a few explosive arrows to give herself and Daniel an entry point into the helicarrier. As Clint, Loki, and Ronnie guided Lucia's guards away from the entry point, Natasha and Daniel made their way in. Natasha fired off a few taser disks, hitting the oncoming guards squarely in the chest. She watched them fall to the floor, convulsing as electric shocks ran through their body. As the guards fought to peel the taser disks off of themselves, Natasha made her way through the hallway. She ducked as a few rounds of bullets came flying at her and Daniel. She grabbed him and pulled him toward the wall for cover. Natasha used the wall to shield herself as she fired at the oncoming guards. "Ronnie, have you located the room where Daisy's being held captive?" They could aimlessly fire rounds all day, but they needed to know what direction to go. She made a face as she heard bits and pieces of Clint and Loki's conversation over coms. "Honestly," she frowned and looked over at Daniel. "I can't even be mad. I did this to myself inviting those two along."

RONNIE: “Yea... I’m working.. on it.” Veronica breathlessly remarked over the coms. A few grunts could be heard as she flipped the guard she’d been tangled up with and stabbed him with one of poison daggers.  “Now where were we.. a yess.. here we go.” Ronnie grabbed her data pad, ducking down behind a bolder as she took control of the building. “I’m in, I’ve got eyes on Daisy.. She’s alive..” Ronnie neglected to add how bad she looked from the live feed she was getting on their shitty surveillance system. “She’s on the fourth floor, third door to the right. Give me thirty seconds, I’m disabling the alarms and lock mechanisms now. I’m about to fry the fuck out of their systems and equipment. Can’t promise I won’t blow the lights.. hope you brought flares.” Ronnie playfully teased, falling forward as a couple of guards began to fire at her out of no where. “Hey lover boys! As uncute as it is listening to you flirt endlessly while taking out guards, I could use some help over here! Cover me while I shut down their main line.” She made a mental note to switch them over to their own channel when she was finished here.

DANIEL: while this wasn't the strangest mission he'd ever been on, that title probably had to go to the whitney frost case, this had to be the most chaotic and strange team daniel had been apart of. you had not one but two super spies (one of which was in pajamas and using a bow and arrow of all things), a tech genius, a god (or were they an alien? daniel was a little fuzzy on that particular detail), and deke... at least most of them seemed to know what they were doing. daniel ducked down when agent romanoff pulled him out of the line of fire "thanks." he waited for the shooting to stop, meaning the men were reloading, and once they did he leaned out at shot the men. keeping low he moved towards the door to the stairwell one he heard daisy's location. daniel couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him at the couple's banter "compared to the things i've heard howard utter, this is nothing."

DEKE: In the past, when Deke had thought about his 'next cool mission' this had hardly been the thing in his mind. Not Arrow-Guy in his pajamas, not working with someone who practically a God, Black Widow herself or well, any of them. Certainly not Daisy being in danger like this... But still, he was nothing if not adaptable. So adapt he did. Rescue Daisy now, rankle his mind about all these events later. There was something pretty calming about the group of them being so casual and prepared (though he still felt a spike of fear at every loud noise, the many of them). He was working with the best, Deke reminded himself. He'd gotten the Hyperbaric Chamber ready to go for Daisy upon their return, nervously awaiting. In one of his more anxious moments  he'd thought about preparing food for Daisy before remembering he wouldn't know how long she'd be in there for. So, with the chamber up and waiting, Deke listened on the comms and waited. "How's it looking? It sounds pretty crowded." Crowded, being the word for all the many enemies they seemed to be facing (and taking down). "You guys doing okay?" He was fairly sure they were but it didn't hurt to ask.

DAISY: Daisy had been living in a fantasy world, but it could only last so long before she eventually had to wake up. Wake up was a relative term. It didn't mean she was entirely awake and aware, more so that she had to wake to the reality of her situation, that there were no happy endings, that she couldn't get what she wanted, that actions had consequences, and even when you thought you won, it could come back to bite you in the ass. In the time that it had taken everyone to track down her kidnappers, Daisy had been put through several different forms of torture. Lucia had even been so kind as to grace her with her presence, reminding Daisy of what she'd done to the woman and how everything she was going through now was her own fault. Daisy could give her that much. Daisy had done her fair share of awful things, even if she hadn't been entirely in control of her own actions at the time. Nick Fury Sr. had made sure of that. It seemed that even after she'd taken things over from him, he still managed to screw up her life, but in the end she wasn't really surprised by any of this.

Currently, she didn't know where Lucia was, and she was just surrounded by guards who had all made sure not to listen to a word she said. Still, that didn't mean she wouldn't try. Her ears were ringing, but she could still feel some kind of activity on the ship. She spat out blood. "Sounds like . . . you've got company," she taunted, her voice raspy and barely carrying out to them. Her breathing was shaky and uneven. "You might . . . wanna go deal with that." They ignored her, saying nothing.

CLINT: clint had been in a lot of sticky situations before, but this wasn't one of them... if anything he was like a greased up hog running from the farmers trying to catch him, which might be a little dangerous for him. bad things tended to happen to him when he got too confident, but at least both loki and 'tasha were here to keep him from dying. he was about to fire off an arrow when a guard came up on his left, so he turned and stabbed the arrow into the guy's eye "oooh... i hope your insurance includes vision." clint quipped as he fired another set of arrows into the group. "aww, don't be like that lady. you know that my husband and i are cute as fuck." he winked at her as he ran by, headed towards loki... not because he needed the back up but purely because clint wanted to get another look at loki. his look was different from the last time clint had seen him in his battle gear and the blonde had to admit it was a damn fine look. "hey handsome! you come here often?"

LOKI: Loki had enjoyed the thrill of field work, it had been such a long time since he'd been able to use his daggers and magic against an actual threat. The best part was having Clint fight side by side him, before they'd been on opposite sides of a war, never sharing more the small glances. He fought with a passion ensuring they would clear a spot to bring Daisy home, there was no way he was leaving without her even if it cost every single on of these humans lives. "Did you really just say that Clint?" He questioned chuckling softy as he quickly disarmed three more guys pinning them down with a couple of his daggers. "We actually are, plus you are the driving force that brought us together in life and on this mission. The blame is fully on your shoulders Nat darling." He teased the other as he noticed his lover coming towards him. He could easily see that glint in his eye whenever Clint saw Loki in his more regal clothes, though now he'd donned on his Asgardian wear leaving that as his go too field work outfit. He turned to reply to Clint before throwing a dagger right into the bad guy who'd tried to take Clint by surprise. "Depends on who's asking, and if they are going to buy me dinner first," He mused winking at Clint.

NATASHA: Natasha had learned long ago to tune out the chatter of the coms. She kept her volume low so she could focus on their current situation. If shit hit the fan outside, she trusted her team to be able to handle it. "Ah, Howard Stark. If working with him is anything like working with his son, I'd pass on the opportunity," she joked. Tony wasn't so bad...in small dosages anyway. The lights on their side of the helicarrier flickered before going out completely. In the next moment, Natasha and Daniel were bathed in an eerie red light. Ronnie must've knocked out the security system. Only the emergency lights were operational now. "Fourth floor, third door," Natasha nodded as they slipped into the stairwell. She heard heavy boots above them. Reinforcements were coming through. "Five pairs of boots," she whispered to Daniel as she ducked behind one of the spirals. As the sound of boots came closer, Natasha shot a taser disk at the first guard. He convulsed and fell forward, tumbling down the stairs. He was wearing the same mask Natasha saw in her memories. The widow jumped out from behind one of the spirals and landed a kick square in the chest of one of the guards. He fell forward and took a third guard down with him. Three out of five. Not bad. She turned to take down the other two, but it appeared Blue Shirt was already disengaging them. She would have to share the body cam footage from her stealth suit with Daisy later. That was sure to lift her spirits.

RONNIE: “Nice one Nat.” Ronnie mused as she watched Nat take out three guards at once, followed by Daniel knocking out a couple more. “You kids make a good team. Daisy’s gonna be so proud.” She snickered into her earpiece. She’d muted Loki and Clint’s come but kept an eyes on everyone’s body cams in case the lover boys got into trouble. She loved them dearly, but their banter was brining her lunch back up.  “They’ve got her surrounded.. ten.. maybe fifteen guys.. the footage is shit.. but I’m trying.. ” Ronnie relayed, watching the room she was being held in like a hawk. “She’s saying something to them but no ones budging... hold on..” a few clips to enhance the audio and suddenly Ronnie was sporting a shit eating grin. “I knows we’re here. Hang on, Director.. we’re coming for you.”  

DANIEL: hearing that they had eyes on daisy made him feel a little better but he wouldn't feel settled until she was out of here completely. after kicking the fifth guard in the chest, with his bionic leg for good measure, he turned towards natasha to see if she needed help "ten to fifteen? i think we can handle that." daniel smirked before reloading his guns "so how do you want to do this?" he peeked around the corner seeing that there were no guards outside the room but daniel knew all hell would break loose once they went in.

DEKE: He listened intently to the communications, hoping to hear word of Daisy's safety and prepare the Hyperbaric Chamber for her. Well, it was mostly prepared. It'd really be him opening the thing, then everything was smooth sailing. That is, if her injuries could be healed by it... Which they should. Unless she literally lost a limb or died she should be fine. She would be fine. He heard the ruckus over the comms and felt his heart swell with fear. "Any eyes on Daisy yet?" He asked desperately. Then he heard it. They found Daisy. "Is she okay?!" He asked over the coms, without much hope of getting an answer. They had other things keeping them busy, after all. So he continued waiting anxiously.

DAISY: As the fighting outside continued, the guards around Daisy got more anxious. They could hear on their comms that they weren't exactly winning this fight. "Let's just get rid of the dead weight," said one of the guards. "I doubt Lucia wants this one alive anyways."

"Did you hear her say that or are you just assuming shit again?" asked the other guard. "You know what she'll do if we go against her orders."

"Screw her orders. That's the fucking Avengers out there. If Lucia wants her alive, we can just blame her death on the Avengers, say they didn't give us any choice. Hell, we can say she attacked us." He pulled the tubes that had been connected to Daisy out, but there were still drugs in her system. She couldn't do much. She could barely move. He pulled her up by her hair, shoving a gun against her skull. "You're going to get them to stand down, or you're going to die.

"Guess. . ." Daisy choked on her words. It was hard to focus on her words, when she was focused on something else. "Guess I'll die then." Her shoulders moved up slightly in a shrug. She wasn't actually expecting to die now. She imagined Natasha was probably leading this charge, and these guards didn't stand a chance against her. If Daisy could just move her fingers a little more, she could help Natasha too. There. A small tremor shot out from her fingertips, and the door to the room slammed open. The guard still had a gun to Daisy's head, but Natasha would be here in 5...4...3...2...1... //

NATASHA: "Thanks, Ronnie," she replied when Ronnie relayed the message about what was waiting for them up ahead. "I dunno, Danny Boy," she smirked up at him. "I seem to be carrying all the weight here," she elbowed him gently. "Pick up the slack or I'm gonna leave you behind and save your girl myself. Maybe I'll steal the kiss right from under you too." Natasha glanced down at her utility belt to see what supplies she still had left. "I still have a few taser disks left. That should be enough to shock the oncoming guards. The rest we can take down the good old fashion way." And with that she heard the door to the room where Daisy was being held slam open. "Good girl," Nat grinned. Daisy was a fighter till the end. "Come on, Daniel. Let's work for a living." Natasha sprinted into the room full force. It didn't take long to make an assessment of the danger. She threw the first taser disk at the man who'd had a gun to Daisy's head. He dropped the weapon and began to convulse on the floor. Natasha threw the remaining disks that she had at the next few guards that tried to come at her. She used the momentum of their falling bodies to take down a couple more men. She was really hoping this would be the last of them.

DANIEL: the male let out a quiet huff at the update from ronnie "quack right?" he raised a brow before rolling his shoulders "to be fair, you are enhanced." daniel joked. he looked calm on the outside but internally he was worried about his girl... if that's still what she was. plenty of time had passed for her and daisy was probably given many opportunities to move on from some square she only knew for a short time... he wouldn't blame her in the slightest. nodding he followed after natasha, downing guards with his guns before exchanging blows with a couple. he dropped to the ground and knocked the legs out from under one before moving towards daisy his heart nearly breaking at the state she was in.

his hands were shaking slightly as he knelt down by her “hey... what did i tell you huh? i thought you were supposed to take care of yourself.” he was so relieved to see her again, although this wasn’t the reunion he had been hoping for after he had to stay behind to make sure that the team was able to escape back to their timeline with the chronicoms in tow. he worked as quickly as he could, removing any leftover wires and nodes from her body, while talking to her about... well, anything really. if anyone asked him later what he’d said, danny boy wouldn’t be able to tell you. his focus was getting daisy out of there and making sure she was safe. after he pulled the helmet off her head, he started brushing the hair out of her face “keep fighting okay? you stay awake for me daisy and i’m gonna get you home.” memories flashed in his mind of their time in the barn with malick, his heart breaking at the fact people kept hurting the amazing woman in front of him. he’d kick himself later for not trying to find a way back to her sooner, could he have prevented this from happening if he had? or perhaps he’d have been taken too, used against her in some way... he’d never really know, but daniel had to focus now. get her home, get her safe, make sure she’s okay three easy goals he could focus on. as gently as he could, daniel gathered daisy up in his arms and lifted her from the ground. “i got you sweetheart, it’s okay.”

DAISY: As the man who had been holding Daisy fell after being tased by Natasha, Daisy crumpled too, her body unable to hold herself up after constant torture. She was glad to have been right about Natasha coming in, but after her head hit the floor, her awareness of what was around her was fading again. She vaguely heard the sound of fighting, and then there was a familiar voice that she hadn't heard in a long time. Her eyes, covered in her own blood, wouldn't open anymore, but she recognized Daniel. She must've been slipping. It was a result of being so close to death. An auditory hallucination. It wasn't real. "Daniel?" she whispered, allowing herself to ask even when she knew this wasn't real.  

NATASHA: Natasha was tired as she took out the last of the guards. Parts of her tactical suit were torn and her lip was bloody from where one of them managed to hit her, but she was thankfully in one piece. She pushed her coms button to give the team a status update. "We have Daisy," she informed them. "We're en route out through the north bay entrance. Take the carrier, find Lucia," her voice took on a darker tone. "I have some questions for her myself." Lucia von Bardas was the one that ordered this torture. Natasha was about to return the favor. She turned to see Daniel pick up Daisy. The woman was barely conscious at this point. Natasha approached them and gave Daisy a reckless smile before quacking obnoxiously. "I didn't give you permission to die. This is so unprofessional. I'm sure you'll make it up to me though."

Her coms buzzed. "Romanoff, we're in."

"Welcome to the party, boys," she grinned. Moments later she heard boots on the ground and the sound of rooms being checked and cleared. It was the back up unit that she'd called. "Come on, let's get her to the Hyperbaric Chamber."

DANIEL: "yeah sweetheart, it's me." he spoke softly as he adjusted his hold to keep a feel of her pulse like he had when he pulled her out of that barn all those years ago. watching the small interaction between natasha and daisy made him smile, seeing her have family like this made him so happy... it was everything she deserved. seeing the agents filing in daniel started moving out of the room, daisy didn't look too good and she needed to get back to hq to start recovering. he turned and looked over his shoulder, smirking slightly "you coming romanoff? thought you said you were gonna steal the kiss from me?"

DAISY: She still heard his voice speaking to her, and she felt like it was just a sign that she was going to slip away again soon. The sound of Natasha's voice was something she knew to be real. She could focus on it, though that was getting harder to do. She heard Lucia's name, and the hellicarrier started shaking violently. It wasn't intentional on Daisy's part. She was hardly in control of her body right now, but as Natasha came over to her and started quacking at her, Daisy calmed enough for the shaking to stop. She tried to return the greeting, but it only came out as choked gurgling. Apparently, blood in your throat didn't allow for very articulated speech, even in the instance of duck calls. She managed at least a small smile as Natasha criticized her for not getting permission to die. "n't dead yet," she wheezed out.

She felt herself being lifted up and moved through the halls. Her eyes weren't open, but she could hear and feel just well enough to know she was being moved quickly. Daniel's voice spoke again, and she had to remind herself again that this wasn't real. It was easier to believe that it was a hallucination from what he said. Even if it was her Daniel, she was sure Natasha would kick his ass for implying she was falling behind. Daisy hadn't been able to see much before, but she'd heard the fighting. Plus, she knew Natasha well enough too to know that she must've done almost all of the fighting here. From the sound of Natasha's orders, she was leading this thing. Whoever suggested she of all people was falling behind was going to regret the words coming out of their mouth. Daisy almost felt sorry for whoever it was, but at least it wasn't actually Daniel.

Whoever was carrying her, certainly not Daniel, got her off of the hellicarrier fairly quickly, or maybe Daisy was just losing her concept of time passing. She heard S.H.I.E.L.D. agents directing the person carrying her back to the zephyr, telling them to get her to the hyperbaric chamber as quickly as possible because she didn't look good. She fell back into unconsciousness before she found out if she made it into that chamber or not. Maybe she was dead. She hoped not. Natasha hadn't given her permission to die yet. How would she make it up to her?

DEKE: Deke was nervous. Not his usual 'state of being' kind of nervous but the more dastardly 'holy shit is my friend alive' kind of nervous. Also the 'she got tortured and it's my fault' kind of guilt laid in pretty thick too. But... he couldn't let that take away his focus right now. He needed to be an agent. Turn off the nerves and the guilt, he was a pro at it in the past he could for sure do it now. He would, if nothing else than for Daisy's sake. The moment Daisy was in, all hurt and bruised and broken but still Daisy, still strong. Well, Deke did what he did best. Move. As soon as it was possible with Daisy situated and safety in there the machination turned on and began it's process.

That was his part. Small. In the end, it was Daisy who would have the toughest job. And that was surviving. Deke inhaled deeply, wishing he could do more and knowing he could not. He ran a hand through his hair. "She'll be okay." He spoke, not even knowing if the words were for himself or the others. "She will..."

NATASHA: She rolled her eyes at Sousa's joke. "My pacing's fine. Yours though..." she frowned. She'd carried most of the operation from the investigation to the rescue mission itself so she wasn't even mildly amused. "We'll have to work on that if you wanna keep up with me and Daisy," she winked. She'd already stolen a kiss from Daisy...more than that actually. But she wasn't gonna tell the old man that. Bless his heart. Now that her team had moved in on the helicarrier, getting to the zephyr wasn't all to hard. Natasha's shoulders eased once Daisy was in the chamber. She would be okay.

"Romanoff, we have Lucia," one of her agents reported through the coms.

"I'm on my way." Natasha looked up at Deke, Daniel, and the others. "They have Lucia and I have questions." She also had a penchant for violence. And based on the way Daisy looked right now, Natasha had no plans to go easy on Lucia. "I think you guys can manage from here. Get Daisy home safe or the next body I bury will be yours," she informed the team. It was very clear she had the means to carry out on that threat. With that, Natasha left Daisy's side and made her way back to the helicarrier to interrogate Lucia. / END

[yelena-bellova]

Don’t Be Afraid: Poe Dameron x Solo!Reader - Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight: Family Reunion

Series Masterlist

Plot: The First Order catches up to the Solos and chaos ensues, along with surprising revelations and run-ins.

Warnings: Light violence and angst galore.

Word Count: 4.7k

A/N: Surprise! Two chapters in one week! I was motivated to finish this one so that I could start on the next one. Enjoy!

———————

“What do you mean you’re leaving?!”


“Uncle Luke says he wants me to train as a Jedi. Can you believe it?���

Ben was 14 and Y/n 11 when Luke Skywalker paid the Solos a visit to their home on Chandrila. They didn’t see their uncle often but when he came, he came with plenty of stories to tell. But this time, Luke had come to have a private discussion with Han and Leia before pulling Ben into it as well. Y/n had had her ear pressed against the door of her mother’s office trying to hear their conversation before remembering the door was soundproof. She waited anxiously in their kitchen, listening to C3-PO drone on about something she didn’t care about enough to remember. A while later Ben exited, looking simultaneously excited and sorrowful, and took her out to the backyard.

“But-but you can’t just leave! What about me and Mom and Dad and Chewie?” she cried, gesturing to their home.

“Y/n, this is something I have to do. You know how badly I want to be a Jedi and now I have the chance.” Ben responded, “And you can too.”

Y/n’s brows drew together, “What are you talking about?”

“Tell Uncle Luke that you can use the Force, he’ll want to train you too!” Ben said, hope rising in his voice.

Y/n groaned and covered her face with her hands, “Ben, what have I been telling you for years? I don’t want these powers, I didn’t ask for them and I don’t want anybody to know!”

“I don’t understand why you want to keep this hidden. If you use them right, they’re nothing to be afraid of. And if you came, we wouldn’t have to be separated.” Ben argued, gesturing between the two of them.

“Last time I used them, I slammed you into a control panel. They are most definitely something to be afraid of, and I’m not going to risk hurting anyone again.” Y/n replied, ‘I love you Ben, I don’t want you to go but I can’t follow you.”

Ben shook his head and his eyes bore into her, “You’re being selfish, you could become something great and you’re choosing to sit here and do nothing. Never mind the fact that I’m asking you to come with me and-

“BEN, DROP IT! I’M NOT GOING!” Y/n yelled, probably loud enough for their family to hear from inside.

Brother and sister glared at each other, silently facing off in a battle that nobody would win. Deep down, Ben was scared at the prospect about being without her by his side. And deep down, Y/n wanted to go with him and train. She wanted to learn about the Force and how to control her powers. She also didn’t want her and Ben to be separated, she couldn’t remember a life without her brother.

Finally, a tearful Y/n broke and closed the distance between them in a desperate hug, “Please don’t leave me.”

Ben sighed and tried to keep his tears at bay, but he couldn’t control his emotions when it came to his sister. He pulled her tight in his arms and the siblings sobbed together, dreading the near future in which their family would be split apart.

—-

Luke gave Ben one last week with his family before returning to collect him. Han still had reservations about sending their son away, but Leia was convinced that Luke could provide Ben knowledge they couldn’t. She was also sure that he could prevent and protect Ben from going down the road their own father had. Y/n was the only one who was wholly convinced it was a terrible idea, even if it was for her own selfish reasons of not wanting him to leave. But she knew Ben was strong with the Force and that he had potential to be a great Jedi, he could be what she was too scared to be.

So with tears shed, a bag packed and a promise to come back a Jedi, Ben Solo left home.

Communication wasn’t allowed so Y/n became very lonely, 3PO and Chewie couldn’t fill the hole in her life Ben had left. Till one night when she was reading in her room, she felt her brother calling out to her through the Force. He was trying to reassure her that he was okay and still with her. From there on out, though they couldn’t properly converse, they’d reach out to let each other know they were there.

Y/n grew up becoming a contradictory combination of her father and mother. She was strong-willed, independent and diplomatic like her mother, yet reckless, sarcastic and blunt like her father. She assisted Leia with political matters, accompanying her to senate hearings the older she got and enjoyed learning how the government worked. But she loved learning to fly and fire a blaster just as much when she’d return home to Han and Chewie. She’d even begun to use the Force in her everyday life, just small things like levitating a book or pen towards her. She knew Ben would call it a waste of her powers but if this was the speed of learning she was comfortable with, he’d have to get over it.

One night, when she was 20, she woke up gasping as if the air had been stolen from her lungs. For once, she hadn’t been awoken by the usual daunting dream that plagued her. There hadn’t been anything but an overwhelming feeling that something was terribly wrong, naturally she reached out to Ben to make sure he was okay.

There was no answer.

He always answered her. Day or night, he always made sure she knew he was there. She kept trying, calling his name out continuously as if trying to get his attention. Nothing. Y/n knew she was strong enough in the Force to trust her instincts, if she thought something was wrong with Ben then there probably was. That was enough for her to jump out of bed, start dressing herself and tiptoeing out of her room. Her parents wouldn’t allow her to go so she saw no point in alerting them to her departure, the same went for Chewbacca and 3PO.

She quietly exited the house unnoticed and navigated her way through the pitch black night using a flashlight. She knew what ship would get her to Ben faster, though she knew her Dad would probably disown her for flying it. Without a second thought, she pushed the button to lower the ramp to the Falcon and entered it. Y/n had flown it a few times with supervision and co-piloted for her father several times. But never on her own to an unknown location at night, but there was a first time for everything. She didn’t even know the coordinates of where Uncle Luke had set up his training academy, just that it was somewhere on Yavin 4. She settled in the captain’s chair and powered the ship up before closing her eyes, reaching out to Ben one last time. No answer.

“Alright, then I’m coming to you…” she muttered to herself as she brought the ship off the ground and into the night sky, “Please be okay, Ben…”

—————

“Where the hell are they?!” I exclaimed, Finn and my dad shaking their heads in confusion.

“I left Rey in the bar, I thought she’d go back to you guys,” Finn explained.

“Bee must’ve followed her, I can’t believe I took my eyes off of him.” I chastised myself, Poe was going to rise from the grave and kill me for losing his droid.

“Han, Y/N, follow me!” Maz ordered from a few steps above us, our party quickly turned and followed her back into the castle. She led us through the mostly emptied bar and down the dark hallway I’d seen her disappear into earlier. We headed down a large staurcase into a dimly lit, slightly ominous room with a small chest at the end of it. Maz ran ahead of us and opened it, pulling out an object,

“I kept it locked away.”

Dad looked like he’d been transported back in time, “Where did you get that?”

“I-is that...?” I stuttered as I stared at the lightsaber, shining as if it was brand new.

“Another story for another time,” Maz answered quickly before turning to Finn and placing the weapon in his hands, “Take it, find your friend!”

Clearly it would be a while till we heard her tale as the castle shook. It had just taken heavy fire, and it wasn’t hard to guess from who...

“Those beasts!” Maz exclaimed, “They’re here!”

“Shit,” I whispered, “We have to find Rey and BB-8, now!”

The five of us headed back up the staircase, me, Chewie and Dad heading up first with blasters drawn. What we emerged to see was a conplete 180 from the scene we’d left only moments ago. First Order ships were roaming the sky, shooting what remained of Maz’s once beautiful castle. Dad pulled me out from under the debris and placed himself as a human shield in front of me. He shot at incoming troopers to his right, while I took down the ones to our left.

“Come on Chewie!” Dad yelled as the three of us made our way through the rocky battlefield.

“Remember when I was a kid,” I yelled as we ran through the architectural wreckage, “And you used to tell me stories about fighting in the war?”

“Yeah?” Dad yelled back as we dodged enemy fire.

”And I said I wanted to fight the bad guys with you one day?” I continued, loud enough to still be heard over the overhead TIE.

We dove behind a large chunk of debris just as a shot was only a few feet away from taking us out of the game for good. I slammed my back against the piece of rock panting,

“Not as fun as I thought it was going to be.” I remarked, causing my father to laugh before resuming firing.

We formed a barricade of sorts, me and Dad each taking a side while Chewie stood between us so we were covered from all angles. Good news was that we all knew what we were doing so there weren’t many close calls. The three of us worked together like a well oiled machine and if we weren’t fighting for our lives, I’d start to ache for the days where we weren’t separated.

“Hey,” Dad motioned to Chewie’s bow caster, “Can I try that?”

Chewe handed it to him and Dad peeked out from behind our cover to take a shot, sending troopers flying back a couple feet.

“I like this thing.” Dad remarked, handing the weapon back to Chewie as I scanned the battlefield for Finn. I was shocked to see him taking troopers down one by one with the lightsaber. He was surprisingly good for someone who’d never picked one up. Until one came at him with an electric mace and Finn had to swing wildly to dodge him.

I took off running, ignoring my dad and Chewbacca yelling my name. I trusted them to cover me as I crossed the field to Finn. He was simply outmatched against the trooper who had just shocked him with his weapon and sent Finn flying back. From the angle I was coming at, I was going to be right behind the trooper, allowing me the element of surprise. He was raising his mace above Finn, ready to kill and not simply injure. Without thinking, I holstered my blaster and unlatched my lightsaber from the inside of my jacket before igniting it. I took hold of the Stormtrooper’s shoulder and pulled him back into the blue blade, the end sticking out of his chest. Once I was sure he was dead, I pulled the blade out and wrenched him to the side to reveal a stunned Finn staring up at me. I deactivated the saber and latched it back inside my jacket before helping my friend up,

“Don’t mention this to a soul.”

Finn nodded passively as he tried to catch his breath, we turned to see my dad and Chewbacca jogging towards us. They wore the same shocked expressions Finn did and I realized that it was highly likely my secret was out of the bag.

“You guys okay?” Dad asked, Finn and I nodded.

“What are the odds you guys didn’t see that?” I inquired, my dad opened his mouth to respond, “Y’know what, never mind...”

Before anyone could say anything else, a battalion of troopers surrounded us with blasters drawn.

“Don’t move,” one of them ordered, “TK-338, we have targets in custody!”

A few came forward and ripped our weapons out of our hands, I had to stop from launching myself at them when they took Luke’s lightsaber from Finn. Luckily, they didn’t know that mine was still safely with me. Unfortunately, I knew it was a stupid idea to try and fight my way out of this. We put our hands behind our heads and the troopers began leading us away. We still didn’t have Rey or BB-8 with us. We’d failed, no, I’d failed. Failed my mother, failed Poe, failed the Resistance, failed the galaxy...Not only that but I’d managed to drag Finn, my father and Chewie into this and was now marching them toward their death. I’d never felt so defeated in my life. The First Order would find BB-8 somehow, they’d get the map and they’d probably kill Luke. I had singlehandedly doomed the galaxy to-

“It’s not your fault, kid,” Dad mumbled to me quiet enough so the troopers wouldn’t hear.

“Yeah, it is...” I replied dejectedly.

We hadn’t gotten that far before one of the troopers announced they were getting some sort of reading. The one leading us shouted orders for the battalion to move and most of them ran ahead of us. I looked out onto the nearby lake to see off in the distance, a line of ships were skimming the water. I grinned and waited for them to get closer, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing,

“It’s the Resistance.”

The X-Wing fleet extended their wings and rose to meet the TIE’s that were coming in their direction. The shooting began and I chuckled, I didn’t see one shot even graze one of our ships. The First Order was definitely screwed when it came to our pilots, they were incredible. As one of the X-Wing’s got closer, the troopers around us took aim and the ship fired single fatal shots at each of them. The four of us hurried to find our respective weapons and started taking out troopers. I opted for my blaster instead of the lightsaber, I didn’t need any of our pilots seeing that from the skies and having questions. Finn had grabbed one of the Stormtrooper’s blasters and I had to admire the irony of the moment. The very weapon he’d been taught to use against people like me was now being used to take down his former organization. It only made me have more admiration for my new friend, Poe had been right to trust him.

As we fired back at the troopers, I heard an X-Wing soar right above me. I looked up to see the ship take out two TIE’s while trailing a third, though it only lived a few seconds more. The X-Wing then blasted three troopers nearby before doing a showman style loop and taking out more TIE’s. It was strangely beautiful to watch. I breathlessly laughed, Finn cheered and yelled,

”That’s one hell of a pilot!”

I’d only ever seen that style of flying, reckless yet somehow perfectly executed, from one person...And it was an impossibility that it could be him.

The troopers were almost completely eliminated so I went to find my dad. There was one he didn’t see coming but already had their gun aimed at him, I shot my arm out and ended his pursuit. Dad whipped around and came to meet me, pulling me into his arms,


“You good?”

”Yeah,” I pulled away to examine him, “You?”

He froze suddenly, his gaze no longer on me and trained on something else. I turned to see one of the last things I’d wanted or expected to see.

My brother carrying a limp Rey onto his ship.

Time itself had stopped, my ears rang blocking out the sound of X-Wing and TIE fire. Underneath the menacing looking mask rested the person I’d once loved most in the galaxy. This was the closest I’d been to him in years and out of familial instinct, I let go of my father and took a step towards him. He had Rey, he couldn’t leave with her and I couldn’t lose her. A step was the furthest I got as my dad pulled me back and kept a firm grip,

“Y/n, no...”

I fought against him as much as I had the strength to, but knew it was a waste of energy. He wasn’t about to let me get killed for a momentary lapse in judgement, he couldn’t lose both his children. I knew I wouldn’t be able to save Rey, I’d have to wait till we got back to base and figure something out. For now, I rested against my father’s chest and let myself feel like a small child again. The two of us watched Ben disappear into his ship and it fly off, taking what little comfort we could find in one another.


“NO!! REY!!”

Finn’s voice broke me out of my stupor and I groggily turned to see him standing a couple hundred feet away from us. He spotted us and ran over, I broke from my father to meet him in the middle.

“He took her. Did you see that? He took her! She’s gone!”

“I know, I know...” I replied, gripping Finn’s arms to stabilize the both of us, “We’ll get her back, hey, look at me.”

His eyes met mine tearfully, “We’re gonna get her back.” I enforced.

Y/N! Finn!

We both turned to see BB-8 rolling towards us as fast as he could,

“Bee!”

I kneeled down to meet him, holding his round body to mine as he let out a round of happy beeps. At least we hadn’t lost everyone, and we hadn’t lost what we had of the map. Overhead, a Resistance transport was preparing to land and I knew who would be waiting on the other side of its doors. I jogged over towards its landing spot and saw my dad and Chewie waiting ahead of me. The transport doors opened and soldiers began filing out, giving me nods and acknowledgements as they went to survey the damage.

And in the middle of the landing party was my mother.

My body instantly relaxed, I’d never been so happy to see her in my life. Even though everything was falling apart and my heart was broken, my mother’s warm presence made it feel like we’d be okay. Then again, she’d just made eye contact with my father for the first time in six years. Things stood a chance at being very very not okay. I watched them from a distance, it was if they were trying to communicate six years of emotions into one long gaze. It was heartbreakingly beautiful in a way...

“Goodness! Han Solo!”

Until someone ruined it.

“It is I, C3-PO! You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm,” he droned on before turning to my mother, “Look who it is, did you see who?”

Mom raised her eyebrows at him, a small smile playing on her lips. Though I loved the droid dearly, subtlety was not his strong suit...

“Mistress Solo! Oh, how wonderful it is to see you again,” he announced as he waddled his way to me, “When you and Commander Dameron did not report back to base we feared the-“

“It’s good to see you too, 3PO.” I greeted, patting his colorful arm as I walked past him to meet my mother. I’d missed the interaction between my parents but I was renewed by the sight of Chewbacca embracing Mom. Once she caught me out the corner of her eye, she separated from him. She pulled me into her arms the same way she had when I was a child, I let myself crack and began crying into her shoulder.

“Mom...” I whimpered, she stroked my hair and kissed the side of my head.

“We saw him, Leia...” Dad said, “I saw our son.”

I pulled back to dry my wet eyes and saw my mom’s face. She didn’t look entirely shocked, but she was definitely stunned. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that she’d only missed him by maybe a minute.

Mom took hold of my arms gently, “Is BB-8 still with you?”

“Yeah,” I turned to see him sitting to the side engaged in conversation with 3PO.

She smiled softly and tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear, “Good, let’s get back to base. We’ve got work to do.”

“I’ll ride back on the Falcon, meet you there.” I answered, squeezing her hand and parting ways to join my dad. Chewie and BB-8 followed us. I whistled in Finn’s direction, who turned to face me,

“You wanna come help save the galaxy?”

—————

“You sure these are the right coordinates?”

“Considering I live there, pretty sure...”

I finished punching the numbers into the Falcon before settling into the co-pilot’s seat next to Dad. Chewie was uncharacteristically lax about giving up his position and was resting in the back. But he knew how long it had been since I’d flown with my father, he could give it up for one day.

“All good?” Dad asked.

“Ready when you are.” I replied, eyes already on the thin layer of grey, smoky clouds in front of us. I felt bad for leaving Maz but she insisted we needed to go immediately. I was sure though that our paths would cross again.

Dad lifted the ship off the ground and steered us into the sky before jumping to lightspeed. I was too deep in my mind to really notice the stars whizzing by us, a sight I usually loved. Losing Poe, losing Rey, seeing Ben, using my lightsaber again...A little too much had happened in one day for my taste. Plus, I was about to have my second awkward conversation with my father in the past hour.

“...So about the, uh, thing you saw me do...Back there...” I stretched out my sentence as I leaned back in my seat.

“Yeah, that.” he replied, focused on adjusting controls.

“Um, I need you to not tell Mom about it. She kinda doesn’t know I can do...that.”

He sighed and after punching a few buttons, rotated his seat to face me, “Why don’t you want her to know?”

“Dad, come on,” I said before scoffing, “Mom hasn’t exactly had luck with her family members and the Force.”

Dad chuckled dryly, “Kid, you couldn’t be like them if you tried.”

“And I don’t,” I responded, “But does she really need that worry? That stress? Of another one of her kids holding a double edged sword? I can’t do that to her and I’m sorry that you have to live with that knowledge now!”

I hadn’t realized how loud my voice had grown till Dad put his hands on my knees to calm me, “Honey...”

I took a deep breath and leaned forward to place my hands over his, “I don’t like having this...talent, power, whatever you want to call it. Our family knows first hand the good and bad of the Force and I don’t want to be a part of it. Any of it.”

Dad’s face flickered with flashbacks, some I wasn’t alive for and some I was all too present for. I felt awful that he knew about me and now had to carry the weight. Yes, my main reasons for keeping my secret were selfish, but that didn’t mean I didn’t also care about my parents knowing. There weren’t many things that could remain hidden from my mother, but I’d been able to keep her in the dark about this since childhood. It had to stay that way.

“Fine, I won’t tell her. I’ll pass the message onto Chewie too. But I don’t like any of this.” Dad conceded reluctantly, turning back to the control panel.

I smiled and stood up, pressing a kiss to his cheek, “Thank you. I’m gonna go check on Finn.”

”Alright, and hey,” I stopped before I’d left the cockpit and turned back to him, “I meant it. You’re not like your brother, Y/n. You could never be.”

Smiling bittersweetly, I nodded and left him to his own thoughts. I knew he’d need a few minutes to himself before he was thrown back into the role of Han Solo, Living Legend. I snorted at the thought as I headed back to the lounge and found Finn sitting on the edge of the bunk. He was so deep in thought that he hadn’t even noticed I’d entered the room, no doubt his mind focused on Rey.

I knocked on a wall as not to startle him, “Shouldn’t be too much longer till we land.”

”Good.” He replied, nodding almost mechanically towards me. I came to join him, leaving a little space between us,

“We’ll get her back.”

Finn sighed heavily and rubbed his hands together anxiously, “Even if nobody else comes with me, I’m going to get her.”

I furrowed my brows, “I’m not going to be chased by Stormtroopers, take down TIE Fighters, run from Rathtars and become fugitives with the girl only to leave her now. We,” I gestured between the two of us, “are going to get her.”

He gave a small smile, “Thank you, Y/n. You’re a good friend.”

I put an arm around his shoulders, “Glad to know we’re that.”

Finn looked like he was wrestling with whether or not to say something as he mimicked my posture, “I know, uh, I didn’t know him long but I’m sure Poe would be proud of you.”

I tried not to stiffen at his words, but it was inevitable. Poe’s death was a fresh wound that no matter how much gauze I put on it, still bled through. Now we were headed back to the one place where every inch reminded me of Poe. As his closest friend, I’d probably have to be the one who went into his room and take care of his possessions. I’d have to walk through the hanger and see the other pilots, I’d probably mistake a few for him. I’d have to lay in my bed and try not to remember his arms around me. 

”Y/n, I need you up here.” Dad called out.

I squeezed Finn’s shoulder and we released each other, I jogged up to the cockpit.

”We’re about ten minutes out. If you want your secret kept, take over while I go talk to Chewie.”

“Got it,” I replied as I took his seat as he went to find the Wookie. I didn’t need to adjust any controls, just sit and dread what I was about to experience.

I’d have most of his things taken back to Kes on Yavin 4. I’d deliver them and break the news myself. The first time meeting the man and I’d be telling him his son was dead...I didn’t want to think about how difficult that day would be.

I’d keep some things for myself, I wanted a few physical reminders of his existence. I’d steal a few of his shirts and keep them in a separate drawer of my dresser so they wouldn’t lose their smell. I’d take one of his leather jackets too, though it would be rather big on me.

I’d see if BB-8 could be transferred over to me, I’d loved him long before our madcap adventure but now? I needed to make sure Poe’s droid was taken care of and I didn’t trust anybody enough with him. Hell, if needed I would pull rank and make sure he stayed with me.

I wasn’t sure whether or not I’d be able to handle it or not, but maybe I’d move into Poe’s room. His quarters weren’t too far away from mine so if Mom needed me, I was still close by. I hated the idea of some random person moving into his room, taking over the space that was rightfully Poe’s. Maybe it would hurt too much, or maybe it would help in some way.

Suddenly I wished I was on the other side of the galaxy. I’d spent all day trying to process it, but Poe’s death was about to feel real.

————

A/N: 😏😏😏😏 Next chapter will have plenty of fluff to make up for the past few chapters. And a whole lot of a certain X-Wing pilot. Also, in the Expanded Universe (I know it’s not canon anymore but I used it for this chapter) Luke set up his training academy on Yavin 4. Anyway, feel free to let me know what you thought or if you want to be tagged ☺️

Taglist: @m1rkw00dpr1ncess @springfox04 @constantdisgrace @holybatflapexpert @seninjakitey @tammythompson-singslikea-muppet @leilei-draws @eternal-fandoms @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @imaginecrushes @eternallyvenus @thescarletknight2014 @simplyhemmings @captain-america5 @breyasficletblog @caseymcflurry @stumbleonmywords @april-14-blog @i-ievu @ultrunning

[98prilla]

Deathworlder Down

Next

Previous

AO3

Warning for blood/violent imagery.

based on @delimeful ‘s wonderful WIBAR AU

...

Flashes.

 The arena, blood on his hands, of all different colors, teeth bared, trying, begging, the other aliens to stop, he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, but they don’t understand or don’t believe him, and then they’re lunging and instinct takes over, and when he blinks, it’s to a puddle of pepto pink ichor and a mangled body in his hands.

…

The cell, he’s back in the cell, and they’re coming, and he wasn’t ready and Patton isn’t hiding and the door opens, and he lunges, biting, scratching, kicking, screaming, the stun batons sending lightning through his veins, spasming his muscles, and he was aware of Patton’s scream, as he’s dragged away, his pretty blood splattering across the floor, and he’s beaten, shocked, kicked, all the while hearing Patton’s anguish as his feathers were stripped from him all over again, only this time, when they throw Patton back in his cell, his eyes are empty and blank, his body broken and still, and there’s nothing left of the chirping little ampen, and there’s nothing left of himself, as he loses his mind, ripping and tearing through the wall, tearing everything in his path to shreds until a blaster goes off and shoots a hole clean through his chest.

…

He’s running. He’s on an alien planet, and he’s running, and he can hear them behind him, they’re catching up, as he tears through the brush and the trees, leading them away, away, away, from camp, and he staggers as a dart hits his neck, the world spinning on it’s axis as he goes down hard. He can feel the chains being shackled around him, the collar fastened onto his neck, and he can’t even breathe, as electricity burns his skin, from the collar, sends him into unconsciousness, and when he wakes, he’s back in the cell. And the nightmare restarts.

…

“no…” He’s walking home, it’s late, the streetlights on, as he slinks through the shortcut through the park. He hates it, but it’s the fastest way home, and he’s never had any trouble, though he’s heard stories of people getting jumped.

 “No…” He winces, at a sharp pain in his neck, for a moment thinking he’d been stung by a bee or a wasp, but when he reaches to feel, a small dart comes away in his hand. He stares at it, befuddled, before he feels another sting, stumbling against a tree as the world starts to tilt, trying to stay upright. Cloaked figures, shrouded figures, language he doesn’t know, and he tried to call out for help, tried to get away, but another wash of dizziness stole his breath, and he fainted.

 When he woke up, he was on the ship, in the cell.

 “NO!” He jolted upright, pulse racing, breath caught in his throat, the cell, the ship, he was on the ship, needle, needle in his arm, what were they taking this time? What else could they take, they were going to sell him for parts, maybe this was finally to off him for the scientists, he felt dizzy and lightheaded, weak, disoriented, maybe the tranq patch had worn off early, maybe he had a chance to get away, maybe-

 A hand, a scaled hand came into view, and he hissed, scrambling backwards, falling off the edge of the furniture he was on. One second it was the sterile room, the iron bed, the suited figures, then it was a couch, smooth walls, soft light. His vision flicked between the two and he couldn’t figure out which was the truth and which was the lie, the suited figures turning towards him, batons out, crackling with energy, the scaled figure trying to reach out, trying to say something, but he couldn’t hear, he couldn’t and it burned, and he was dying, he was sure this is what dying felt like, as he scrambled further back, further away, hissing again as the tug pulled the needle out of his arm, pressing his hoodie sleeve against it to stop the bleeding, but the red, red, red, brought him right back, and it was everywhere, and there was too much, and it wasn’t all his, the bodies scattered across the floor, the colors blending like some macabre watercolor painting, swirling and blending and mixing and-

 Touch. Touch against his shoulder. He’d curled into a ball, hands over his ears, forehead touching the floor, making himself as small as possible, trying to hide, but the noise was everywhere and they’d found him and he was going to die, going to be sold off for parts and he was so stupid-

 Then the touch moved, a small, so small, hand slipping under his chin, gently tilting his head up, feathers tickling his skin, as he met those big, doe eyes. Feathers. Blue. Antennae, moth like. Fluffy. Safe.

 Safe?

 “Breathe, Virgil. Can you do that? In… out…” the words sounded so far away, and not quite in sync with the mouth movements, but he tried to follow them, tried to understand, tried to copy his movements. “good, kiddo. You’re doing good. Do you know who I am?” The feathery being asked, and his mind stalled. It must have shown on his face, because the being’s dropped, expression sad, and he hated that look on Patton’s face-

 “Patton!” He rasped, voice barely a whisper, throat dry and sore, not helped from the hyperventilating he’d just been doing, from the panic attack. “Patton…” his eyes welled up, and he opened his arms, Patton flying into them without a second thought, hugging him as wide as he could around his chest, Virgil careful as he held him, letting his face rest against his soft feathers, mumbling an apology about getting them wet, met with Patton’s relieved little choked laugh.

 He was shaking, he couldn’t stop shaking, the room still flickering, time and space folding in on itself, and it was making him dizzy.

 Then Patton started doing the chirp, coo, pattern, vibrating against his chest, grounding him as he struggled to get his breathing under control, to force his mind to the present, but it wouldn’t stop slipping.

 “s-sorry… I… I'm so-rry…”

 “Shhh, you’re ok, kiddo, it’s ok.” He just shook his head, chest constricting, choking on the air, it burned in his lungs and made him want to scream, just to relieve some of the pressure, but there wasn’t enough air.

 “virgil. Can you tell me, five things you can see? Take your time.” Logan, crouched down a fair distance away, to give him space.

 “Y-you… patton… R-roman… the… the couch and the… the… n-needle" his breath caught again, his panic flaring, eating him up.

 “Alright, good, stay with me, Virgil. Four things you can feel.”

 “Pa-tton. My hoodie… the fl-floor. B-andages?” he asked, realizing his arms were carefully wrapped in them.

 “you hurt yourself. Nothing serious, it’s alright. Three things you can hear.” He managed a deep breath in, forcing air in and out to answer.

 “Chirp/coo.” He said, smiling slightly at Patton's added little trill. “my h-eart, my voice.” He answered, focusing on the feeling of his hands against his hoodie, Patton's warmth against him.

 “Excellent. Two things you can smell?”

 “Metal… myself" he wrinkled his nose slightly, smelling his own sweat.

 “Last one, one thing you can taste.” Logan's steady voice, and he thought for a moment.

 “Copper.” He answered, looking up, finally, meeting Logan's eyes for a brief moment, before his gaze flicked to Roman, who stood frozen by the couch, scales half raised in alarm, but also… worry?

 “Virgil. How are you feeling?” Logan asked, snapping him back to attention, realizing he’d started to drift.

 “um. Sore. Achy. Tired.” He answered, head thumping back against the wall, hissing as it hurt more than expected.

 “I was going to warn you about that. We found you fallen over, unconscious on the bathroom floor, bleeding from your head. You’ve been severely ill, and mostly fitfully unconscious, for nearly seven days.” Logan explained.

 “Why didn’t you tell us you were so sick!?” Patton scolded, though his voice was gentle.

 “i… I didn’t want to bother you. I’ve been sick before. It’s… its fine.”

 “no, it isn’t. Virgil. You are severely underweight and malnourished and sleep deprived, all factors that compromise your immune system making it more difficult to fight off disease and you very nearly died because you seemingly cannot comprehend that you are an important member of this crew and we will gladly help if you just ask for it!” He flinched at Logan shouting, his hands clenched into fists. He’d never heard Logan raise his voice, didn’t even know he could, but his mind snagged on what Logan had just said, and he shook his head.

 “I… but I’m not. Important. You’re…a family. I’m just a tag along, because you were basically guilted into taking me with. You don’t… want me, here, and that’s fine, I wouldn’t want me here either, so the least I can do is take up the least space and use the least stuff and make myself as little of a nuisance as possible because then maybe I’ll get to stay longer before you get sick of me and kick me off.” Usually he wouldn’t be this candid, but he was tired, and he felt floaty and not all there, his normal anxiety not holding him back.

 “Virgil… that's not true.” Roman added, Virgil's bitter laugh echoing harshly through the space.

 “Sure it isn’t. You’ve made it clear, what you think of me. And you know what? I’m terrified, constantly, that you might be right. Sooner or later I’m going to hurt someone. It’s… it’s the only thing I’m good at, hurting people. Sometimes I think I should just bail, just leave a note and run, before I hurt anyone. Before I ruin it all. Before I ruin this… this amazing little family, you guys have.”

 His eyes slipped closed, against his will, exhaustion weighing him down, settling into his bones from the panic attacks. “I w-want it so badly, it h-urts sometimes, but I can’t… I know I can’t have it. Be part of it. Know I’ll just… just be in the way.” He mumbled, not even sure if he was speaking aloud, anymore.

  “Virg… we'll talk about this later, ok? Just… can you make it back to the couch? You need more sleep.” Patton asked, moving off his chest. He nodded, managing to peel his eyes open, stumble to his feet, collapsing face down on the couch before blacking out as soon as his head hit the cushions.

…

 “Well. His fever’s broken. There’s no point using these, any further.” Logan, trying to keep his voice steady as he packed up the IV line and supplies, considering hurling the needle out the airlock, just to spite the universe for forcing him to use it.

 “I… I need to go. Think. About… things…” Roman poorly explained, darting from the room, as Patton sighed, feathers fluffing and resettling, worried gaze flicking between the doorway Roman had vanished down, Logan storing the medical supplies, and Virgil, face down on the couch. His forehead was a lot cooler, now, and his breathing finally seemed to be normal, deep, steady breaths. His eyes weren’t twitching in his sleep either, a good sign, Patton had learned early on that eye twitches meant bad dreams, nightmares. That was when he would curl up around Virgil’s head and churr softly, a low, rumbling vibration in his chest, that he used to soothe kits, but it also seemed to do the trick on the human. Most of the ampen soothing methods did, which he would have once considered odd, since they relied on empathy to work. But if anything, Virgil had too much empathy, his words playing back in Patton’s mind.

 “He thinks we don’t care. We don’t… don’t consider him family, why would he… after everything, still think that?” Patton asked softly, looking up at Logan’s sigh.

 “He’s been hurt, Patton. Deeply, psychologically, hurt. He’s so used to being in fight or flight mode, that is all his body knows how to do. His body, his mind, it doesn’t understand, can’t comprehend, safety. And after… after what he went through, how they demeaned him and treated him like a wild animal, like a… a specimen, it’s no wonder that he struggles to comprehend his own self worth, lacks any sense of self esteem or importance. He had to fight every day just to survive, just to keep you safe, and though I am thankful for it, it likely has contributed to his fear of himself. He knows how easily he could hurt any one of us.”

 “He won’t though! He’d rather tear himself apart than hurt any of us.” Patton protested.

 “I know, Patton. But he clearly doesn’t. He doesn’t take care of himself, he doesn’t trust himself, Patton, and until he starts doing that, understanding that he is wanted and loved and safe, I’m afraid he won’t take care of himself.”

 “Then we’ll make sure he does. I will physically fight him.” Patton muttered, determination clear in every bristling feather, and Logan chuckled slightly, shaking his head.

 “I would enjoy watching you take down a human, Patton, especially since Virgil would let you, but violence is not going to help in this situation.”

 “Still. If he won’t take care of himself, I’m going to make him take care of himself.” He ruffled Patton’s head as he passed the couch, barely containing his smile at the small squeak the motion illicited, stopping at a small tug of his hand.

 “Lo? Thank you. For getting him through.” He softened, looking back at Patton, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

 “Of course, Patton. Get some more sleep, now that he’s safe, won’t you?” Patton nodded, drawing away and circling a couple times before settling down curled around Virgil’s head, careful to keep a layer of blanket between them, so he wouldn’t accidentally siphon off energy in his sleep. Virgil needed all of it he could get.

@fortheloveofjanus

[nott-is-brave]

Out of Control (Caleb x Reader)

Request: Hey! Could I please request Caleb falling for a girl who uses wild magic and very unpredictable and really caring and doesn't wanna hurt people at all? He lieks her for her unpredictability and she likes him for his calmness and how controlling he is of his magic and stuff.

A/N: Thanks for the request! This ended up being a lot more angsty than I intended, but I guess I just couldn’t help myself lol. On the bright side, the school year is complete for me, so I should be able to post more often :) So, without further ado...

As Caleb always said, despite his typical caution and paranoia, there are certain times when calculated risks must be made. In the heat of battle, however, there was much less calculation involved. 

The fight had been dragging on for far too long, in your opinion. Just when you and the rest of the Nein thought victory may be approaching, more foes seemed to appear from every direction. You deflected yet another blow from one particularly well-armored orc and fired a bolt of energy at it’s hulking frame. You could feel your muscles burning from fatigue as the adrenaline of diving head-first into the fight wore off, and knew that your spells were numbered. 

You looked to the side just as a blade whooshed by your face, cutting through the air and slicing a thin gash into your cheek. You kicked the sword-holding goblin in the gut, sending it’s small form flying backwards several feet. A twinge of guilt gnawed at the back of your mind after hearing it’s yelp of pain, but you quickly reminded yourself that you should hold no sympathy for the creature.

Another burst of energy shot from your palms towards the armored orc, but it only scattered across it’s metallic chest plate and died out. It grinned wickedly, rotted teeth protruding from it’s grotesque face with a crackled laugh. It’s chortling was cut short, however, as three rays of fire found purchase on it’s midsection. You turned your head just in time to see Caleb holding up the Glove of Blasting, before your heel got caught on a tree root and you lost your footing. The forest around you was a blur of green as you hit the dirt. By the time you’d pushed yourself onto your elbows, you were surrounded by half a dozen snarling orcs and goblins, each with rusted blades and a bloodthirsty look in their eyes. 

You couldn’t hear Caleb yelling for the others to help you over the pounding of your heartbeat. The creatures circled in, crude but incredibly sharp weapons at the ready. A couple of arrows from Nott here, an eldritch blast from Fjord there; even Jester’s giant lollipop did little to prevent the swarm of beasts descending in on where you lay on the ground. Sheer panic quickly clouded your mind, and you couldn’t hold back the ear-piercing scream you let out when you felt one of the blades jab into your side. 

A deafening BOOM shattered the air as you released a surge of untamed, chaotic energy. The ground around you shook violently, several trees being uprooted from the blast. When your vision cleared, you could see that the creatures that had once surrounded you were nothing more than scattered chunks of flesh across the (now cracked) forest floor. 

It took a minute for you to reorient yourself, which the rest of your team used to make short work of the enemies that remained. You slowly stood up, wincing at your newfound headache and leaning against one of the fallen trees. Your magic was unpredictable, that much you knew; however, you had never unleashed a surge as powerful as that. You barely had a chance to catch your breath before Jester came bounding over, a wide grin on her face. 

“That was, like, the coolest thing I’ve ever seen! I didn’t know you could make such a big explosion like that!  I bet you’re REALLY tired now, but we took care of the rest of the orcs and stuff, so maybe after you rest you can teach me to…”

You felt yourself tuning her out as you let your head droop, your hands finding the water flask that you kept attached to your belt. You took a long swig, the dryness in your throat subsiding as your eyes began wandering again. The blast reached about 75 feet in every direction. Trying to take in the full extent of the damage, you almost missed the blot of soft pink poking out from one of the nearby collapsed trees. 

“-which is cool, ya know, but it doesn’t really do that much damage, and-” Jester rambled on as you stood up, nudging her aside and beginning to make your way over to the tree. Your eyes squinted as you hobbled closer, trying to make out what it could be. Is it just an unusual rock? No, it’s… fabric? No, that’s not it, either… Oh God. 

“Caduceus!” You shrieked, throwing yourself against the giant tree in an attempt to free your heavily wounded friend.

“-because, wait, what? Oh shit!” Jester yelled, darting over and quickly kicking aside sticks and rocks in an attempt to reach his shattered body. She grimaced as the rough bark of the tree scraped her skin, but she managed to squeeze her arm in just far enough to make contact with the top of his head and cast a healing spell. Whether it worked or not, you didn’t know. “Guys, we need help!”

It took everyone on the team to lift the tree just enough for Caleb to drag him out. Jester quickly cast Cure Wounds again, but to no avail. You felt tears prick at your eyes, the lump in your throat making it harder to breathe. Jester screamed frantically for someone to get the diamonds from the haversack as you turned on your heel and began limping away from the scene. This was all your fault. 

You didn’t stop walking until the aching in your legs became too much to bear. Only then did you plop yourself on the ground against a tree, burying your face in your hands as the tears began to fall. You let out a choked sob and brought your knees closer to yourself.

You stayed like that for a long time, even after you managed to dry your eyes. Hurting a friend so severely filled you with great shame. Would the team even want you back? You were clearly a danger to them all.

The crunching of leaves nearby didn’t prompt you to look up. You didn’t even care if it was an orc; you just sat still and hoped they wouldn’t notice you so you could be alone. As the person drew closer, however, you recognized their footsteps instantly.

“Hey,” Caleb said softly, crouching beside you. You didn’t say anything. Several moments of silence passed, and Caleb cleared his throat. “So, that was, uh, quite the display back there, ja?”

“Is Caduceus okay?” You muttered.

“Oh, he’s fine. He woke up grumbling about bees and moss. You know, typical Duce stuff,” he responded. You sighed, rubbing your eyes as you sat up. 

“I can’t believe I hurt him like that. What was I thinking?” You groaned. Caleb took a deep breath, sitting beside you.

“You didn’t mean to. You know, we have all made mistakes. Every one of us. What matters most is that you’re able to accept those errors, and use them to become a better person,” he explained. You nodded gently, leaning against his shoulder. 

“I just… I just feel so out of control all of the time. I know it’s the nature of my magic, but I always feel like it’s my fault for losing composure, you know?”

“I understand that. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, liebling.”

“I suppose not… I guess I just wish I had more precision with it, like you.”

“Perhaps we can work on that together, ja?”

“Heh, ja.”

[summahsunlight]

Perhaps It’s Fate, Part 13

Rating: T, to be safe

Word Count: 1403

Summary: After joining the Resistance as a mechanic, you were happy to keep to yourself, until a little orange and white bb unit and his master wander into your workshop one day.

Pairings: Poe Dameron/Reader

Warnings: Angst, implied sexual content, nothing explicit

Taglist: @ms-dont-care, @starless-eyes-remain, @elmoakepoke, @marvelobsessiononastick, @kiaralein, @softly-sad, @totelpoedameron, @ordinarymom1​, @sevvysaurus​, @crazylia00, @spider-starry​

Part 13 is here! Poe and reader are finally reunited. If you want to be added to the taglist you can send me an ask, message me, or comment here.  As always comments, likes and reblogs are highly loved and appreciated❤️

All he could think about as he landed was you. 

Of course, Leia and the other admirals wanted to see Poe immediately upon his arrival on D’Qar.  Poe just wanted to see you and hold you and let you know that he had come back to you--that he’d kept his promise to you.  

Leia must have sensed his unrest.  Placing her hand on his arm, she ordered him to see the medics first before seeing you--she could debrief with you later--there were more important things that Poe had to tend to first. 

So, Poe let the medics poke and prod him, following Leia’s orders so he could get the chance to see you.  The medics were not too keen on clearing him for duty, but they at least let him leave the med bay.  Poe knew a way to your quarters without passing through some of the most populated areas on the base--thus avoiding being stopped and having to endure conversations with dozens of people that were happy to see him alive. 

The wing that your room was located in was quiet; many of the residents of this wing had already reported for the day.  Poe just so happened to catch you leaving your quarters--your hair swept back into a braid, wearing a white tank top and brown pants--you still had your favorite pair of black combats boots that were heavily scuffed.  Poe stopped moving, just taking a moment to look at you. Just a few days ago he wasn’t sure he’d ever see you again.

You took a step towards him, heading in the direction of your shop, but when you saw him standing there your mouth fell open in surprise.  Tears quickly filled your eyes as you breathed his name and Poe leapt toward you, pulling you tightly into his arms.  “Don’t cry, please don’t cry, sweetheart,” he whispered in your ear. “I came back--I came back to you.”

“I thought...I thought I lost you!” you cried, burying your face into his shirt. 

“You didn't lose me,” Poe sighed, pressing soft kisses to your hair. 

“There were no survivors at the village--they thought they had killed you.”

“I hid the map--in Bee--it bought me some time.”

Lifting your teary eyes, you looked at him, still finding it hard to believe that he was here with you. “How did you escape?”

Poe swallowed the bile in his throat. “A stormtrooper. He wanted to defect, he needed a pilot to fly him off the ship.  Do you know he didn’t even have a name, Y/N.  Just a number. They stripped him of any humanity he ever had. So I...so I...gave him one.”

Your thumbs gently caressed his biceps as you looked deeply into his brown eyes. You could see the pain there and you knew that Leia was right--Poe was going to need you now more than ever.  “Gave him what?”

“A name.”

“A name? You gave the stormtrooper a name?”

“Yeah. If I made it back I wanted to tell you who saved me.”

“What was his name?”

“Finn.”

“Do you know what happened to him?”

His eyes became sad and Poe took a deep breath. “We crashed; I told him to eject and when I woke up, he was no where to be found--even the ship was gone. I assume it blew up after I ejected myself.  I tried to look for him but it was hot and I was disoriented. You know... I’m not even sure he survived. There’s a good chance that the desert killed him.”

Softly your fingers wove through his curls and you pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. “It wasn’t your fault.  You tried to help him.  You did the right thing.”

Poe took your face between his hands and crashed his lips against yours. His chapped, split lips were a stark contrast to your soft ones; you could taste the iron of blood on your tongue when Poe’s gently glided along your mouth and parted your lips before sweeping across your tongue.  He clutched you, desperately in his arms--your back slammed into your door as he pinned you against it.  He was kissing you so hard that you both forgot to breathe until it was absolutely necessary. 

Breathing heavily, Poe brushed his nose against yours and pressed his forehead against yours. “I love you, Y/N,” he said, hoarsely. “I love you--all I could think about as they beat me was how I was never going to be able to say that to you again. Now, I don’t want to stop saying it--I love you.” His lips pressed to yours in a tender kiss. “I love you.” 

You sighed as his lips trailed down your neck and ended at your throat. Poe reached his hand behind you and entered the code for your quarters, deftly, as his mouth never left your skin.  Gently he nudged you back inside your room, moving his mouth over yours.  

“I need... Poe... I have to get to my shop,” you gasped, somehow, between his heavy kisses. “I’ve got... work... it’s just piling up...”

“Mmmm,” he hummed, continuing to press sloppy kisses over your mouth, your neck, and your collarbone. “And I have debriefings--they can wait. I came back, I love you, and I’m going to show you how much.”

“Everyone is going to know...”

“So? I don’t care.”

“Okay, well, then I’m out of arguments.”

“Finally. I didn’t think you’d stop, sweetheart.”

Truth was you were more than happy to put off any work that had piled up in your shop to be with him, to make love to him.  Quickly you began to undress each other and you had to bit your lip as you saw all the bruises beaten into Poe’s tan skin.  “Do these hurt?” you whispered, pressing soft kiss to each bruise you could reach while he carried you to the bunk. 

Poe gently laid you down on the bunk.  He barely felt the pain the pressure of your lips caused--he could only focus on the fire that spread from those spots you had softly kissed him. “Not as much as the thought of not seeing you again.”

Blinking the tears out of your eyes, you took his face between your hands and crushed his mouth against yours, tongues eager to meet.  In seconds the two of you became tangle of limbs, hands roaming, bodies pressed so tightly together that in the dark of your room, you might have looked like one body with excess limbs. You gave yourself completely over to Poe as he completely gave himself over to you. 

As you laid there, basking in the afterglow, you traced the cut on his cheek and touched the tender wound at his temple.  While you did this, Poe swept soft kisses over your damp skin.  “I hate that they did this to you--I hate that they hurt you, Poe.” 

He kissed the tears away. “I knew what I was signing up for when I took the mission, sweetheart.  I always knew that there was a chance that I might die out there.” Hearing his words only caused you to cry more, Poe pulled you flush against him, kissing your forehead over and over again while he mumbled soft apologies and assurances. 

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“Oh, sweetheart, you’re not going to lose me.”

“But I can; I did. For two days I thought you were dead!”

Poe hated that he had put you through so much pain; you did not deserve that. “I know,” he sighed, closing his eyes tightly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you. I still don’t want to hurt you, Y/N.” 

You pressed your face into his chest. You knew Poe would never hurt you intentionally--he was too kind, too caring--but unintentionally, he couldn’t stop that from happening.  The nature of his job unintentionally caused you pain. “It wasn’t you that hurt me--it was the First Order--when I thought they had killed you.  They were the ones that hurt me.”

He kissed the top of your head and vowed then and there that he wasn’t going to let the First Order hurt you again.  Poe knew it was probably an impossible promise to keep--but he might just be crazy enough to pull it off.

[thoughts-n-paper]

When I opened my eyes for the very first time, I was rolling down the edge of the highway and behind came the sound of screaming and wrangling of metal. I had no control over where I was headed, like a freshly fallen raindrop, the wind was my steering and the slope my navigator. But I wasn't afraid, after all, I got constructed to roll. I was the body in motion that philosophers' would fondly remark on, the turmoil spirit that the scriptures warned about in their text. It was probably the only reason I was where I was. I just had enough of going down the same roads every day with everyone. I wanted to make my path and was determined to do so. I would travel the world, breath different airs and leave everyone I could never sync with behind.

With trees passing by and pebbles trying to catch up to me, I took a slight turn in rough terrain. I almost lost my balance a couple of times but, I kept on rolling, like a man on a mission, I too had eyes only on the horizon. In retrospect, that might have been the reason I ran into a wall and fell on the ground. I lied there for quite a while. It was an uninvited calm after the rushed beginnings. The day was hot and impatient, and as I waited under the shade of a tree for the sun to go down, I just wanted to rest and end this eventful day in the calmness of sleep. 

I was waiting for the evening cold to dawn on me when a little child came running towards me and sat down next to me with a book. Soon a bunch of kids followed the first one and sat in a circle around me. They were all of the different sizes and ages. Some had trouble staying still while some kept initiating and breaking fights, but they all listened with close attention when the boy who came first spoke. He stood at the centre of the circle, narrating a tale of the baby rabbit who lived on a farm and was separated from his mother in a fire and as soon as he began, I was mesmerised. I had never heard a story before, but as my eyes followed every gesture of the young boy and my ears attuned to every word he sang, I was transported by every verse he uttered. And when the sun went down to sleep, so did the children. I lied awake dreaming of a new world I had been introduced to for the second time on the first day of my life.

They came again the next day and then the day after that. The boy told a new story every day, sometimes he would add on to the story that he told the day before, and every time he amazed me. The whole day I would lie staring at the still sky, waiting for storytime, the only time I could travel. In that time I could roll down the hill or cover miles on railway tracks, I could move with the people that the boy would speak about.

One day, as I waited for the children to come, a few men came and gathered around me. They were all tall and muscular, and they talked in heavy voices and laughed in roars. Scared, in my mind, I tried to go back to the soft cackles and whispers I usually surrounded my afternoons with, I felt the big hands trying to lift me. I closed my eyes in fear but I could feel them put me on a metallic surface and as the air pushed against me, I slowly opened them. I felt like I did on my first day like I was rolling again.

The van stopped in front of a huge building, and the men took me in. Ropes were hanging around, huge machines placed in perfect rows and big people, big like the men who picked me, some running into each other, some running on their own. The men placed me in a corner, and the next morning a giant man came and lifted me from a side and then dropped me. He did this for a while and then another man came and did the same thing. The whole day they lifted me and then dropped me. My days of staying put were finally over, I was moving but not the real way I intended to. Every day I would be made to go in circles and every day I would travel but go back to sleep in the same spot I woke up in.

All this had ruined me, I no longer had the clear edges, the shine of the rim had disappeared and my will had been beaten down to two dimensions. So, it didn't come to me as a surprise when the same men brought with them a new wheel and threw me out.

I lied among the pile of garbage, tiered and worn out. My days were just passing over. I had gone from spending my days listening to fairy tales to being dragged across a room. Now, it looked like I was left to rot. Accepting the state of the rest of my days, I stayed still. I would watch a piece of paper float in the air and imagine myself as light as that or I would grab a bee sitting on me and catch a ride with it. But my days were defined, and they would have gone as expected had it not been for a pregnant dog that decided to take shelter in the cardboard box near me.

After a long time, I woke up to the pattering of younglings, only this time it came from paws the size of a bottle cap. My days were filled with laughter again. Every morning the puppies would wake me up as they bounced around their sleeping mother and every night they would lay their heads on me and we would all switch off for the night together. We would often be visited by children who played with the dogs, some people would come to feed them and sometimes there would be nasty humans who would come to torment my four-legged family. And I would be there, sturdy and staying strong.

Our days were spent in laughter and jolly when one day a giant claw came and started cleaning up paths. It would pick up a chunk of the garbage and dump it in the large basket it carried around. We were not bothered by it, the day was going as usual when I heard a loud shrill scream. The days after that were very quiet, the one puppy that was left to live would roam around alone and when tired would often curl up inside me and go to sleep to the silence.

A few days later one of the children came and took the lonely puppy with him and left me in my isolation again. Even though I didn't remember them but I was longing for the days I would be rushing against the wind, the days of rolling down the hill or climbing up, going around chasing some other car or even crushing the piles of plastic as the crane did.

I had made my peace with stagnation, I knew that I would never move again and spend my eternity lying in the open field of waste. I wished for the sun to shine just a bit brighter so that I could burn myself or the big pickup machine, which came frequently now, to crush me but nothing happened.

My wish was finally answered when a few men came to pick me up, they were scavenging through the dump and lit up when they saw me. At first, I thought they would take me to the gym much like before and I would be dragged and dumped again, but instead, they took me to a shop.

It was metal and rubber as far as the eye could see, they washed me and dressed me new and took me to another location. I sat in apprehensive anticipation of what was to come. And when I looked up, there stood the most beautiful sight I had seen till now. A giant red coloured shining truck stood in front of me and as I was being rolled towards it, I knew my destination had arrived.

This was my conclusion, my days passed before my eyes, from rolling down the hill to staying still on top of a waste mountain, from being dragged across a room with a rope to listening to children pretend to be flying in the air. I had made the journey and I had learned my place. And when I finally closed my eyes, I knew I would finally be rolling again, even though I won't remember it or even feel it, it was my purpose. I was on my way to fulfil it.

[hamonsurveysoverdrive]

Niche

This time last November, were you single? Yes. Who can you blame for your bad mood today? Myself, Justin. Would you rather have Skittles or Starburst? Starburst. How was your night last night? Okay, nothing really exciting. How are you feeling right now? Grumpy. Have you ever stripped for money? No. When was your last nap? Today. Were you happy when you woke up today? Meh. Are you over your past? Not completely. Has anyone disappointed you recently? Yes. Does it take a lot to make you cry? No, I cry easily. Do you plan on moving within the next year? Pfft, I fucking wish. Is there someone you wish you were still close with? No. Is your hair greasy? No. Do you like Dr. Pepper? Yes. Do you play your music loudly? When I'm driving. Do you hate it when people ask you really personal questions? I mean, obviously not. What's your favorite fruit scent? Lemon. Do you need goggles to see underwater? No. What's your favorite sea creature? I'm honestly terrified of the ocean and all things that inhabit it. What type of foundation do you wear? Loreal. Name all the beverages you've consumed in the last 24 hours? Monster, water. Would you rather fly, drive or travel by train? Drive. What products do you use to moisturize your lips? Burt's Bees. Be honest, do you judge people on their appearance? Everyone does. Have you ever had pink eye? No, but my son did when he was a toddler. Does your significant other have any piercings? If so, what? He has one ear pierced. Do you like Adam Sandler? Not especially. When was the last time you updated your profile on Facebook? Uh, I guess when Justin and I got back together. What is your favorite day of the week? Saturday. Do you ever get bored of yourself? Constantly. How many different bands/artists have you seen live? A bunch. Do you go for shows mostly for the music, the moshing or the merchandise? The music. What colour was the last thing you drank out of? Black. Have you ever had anything pierced that you don't have now? No. Would you consider yourself "tough"? In some ways. When you last got dressed, did you put on your bottoms or top first? Bottoms. Who bought each thing you are wearing? Me. Do you like crazy bread? Sure. Do you look better pale or tanned? I'm never pale, so I guess tan lol.

[youhaya]

Okay here's a most irrelevant weird dream I have ever had. I mean usually in my dream there are some common points to reality, but this had no such thing, hence weird.

It was a game. In which you fall from a sky and get to the stage of the game and stand in formation chosen. And all were kids like 10 to 15 age. 2 teams red and blue, had kind of superpowers. And really, really lame introducing styles each team had. I am saying it was lame cause it had something to do about saying "I am here solely to defeat/destroy 'other team's lame name' ". And it had some actions too, kind of like a dance, and at the end of introduction both teams threw fire at other. And it didnt hurt anyone, I think it had something to do with their suits I guess, they seemed fireproof. They had suits like ice hockey players. I remember that cause of the helmet.

When I had this dream I felt like I had it before too, and I of course don't remember anything of it other than falling from sky and reaching to the ground had some very importance, like win or lose importance. I remember it because, kind of narrative in my head told me that a team did a cheating kind of thing to reach the ground first.

Yeah I know by this setting it does not makes sense why it was so important to touch the ground first. But what I drew is not exactly how they took positions. I am not even sure the number of players. By drawing I just wanted to show that they stood facing opposite sides, it had some purpose I think, I absolutely don't know what. But kind of by standing this way they were on the same sides of each other, like left or right side. I noticed that when they threw fire at the end of introduction, I guess.

Anyway next was before the start of the game, you needed to stand in weird position, both hands touching ground, both hands and legs stretched straight, and kind of almost 90 degree angle.

Kinda like this.

And when the game starts, I don't know what actually they were supposed to do, I mean I di t what other players actually did at the start of the game, but as I was one of them too, and i was only one in our team who did not belong in that age group, so I had one duty or I did it by myself, i don't know why, but I took on the physically toughest looking guy on the opposite team, I mean I literally jumped at him. After that I kind of started fighting with him, I guess. But then i hear one of our teammate is starting on the hidden strategy through our mind to mind connection or maybe we had bluetooth in our ears, I don't know exactly, all I know it was secret and other team had no idea whatsoever. So what he did was to call out something by pushing some buttons or something else on his costume, and weird enough, his costume was different from the one I said it was at the beginning. Anyway, so after that I come to know that other team had something up their sleeves too, by "I" I mean the "narrator l". As it turns out our guy had called some flying and target chasing explosive devices and their guy had called some nasty bee like bugs, just way much more bigger ones. So when the both things arrive on battlefield they kind of like target each other. So the one the explosive devices called big our guy starts chasing a guy on our team. This guy is, I mean this kid is like main of the thing, kind of. He starts running away, and as it is just about to reach the kid and explode, I grab the kid and throw him away into the battlefield, that's when I woke up.

Weird thing is that nothing and absolutely nothing of this makes sense. @the-negative-a

[princess-of-the-worlds]

our love was never meant to last

For Day One of Klaroline AU Week 2019: Mythological Creatures.

Happy KC AU Week! It was always my favorite part of the Klaroline fandom, and I’m so glad that Luiza (@klaroline-events and @itsnotacrimetoloveyou) brought it back! Lu, ily!

Prompt was partially suggested by @dottie-wan-kenobi who told me to write mermaids and partially by a short story I wrote in high school that I never completed.

Also, can I mention, I hate the new tumblr text formatting.

***

ao3 link: here

word count: 6281

summary: When Hope Mikaelson begs her grandfather Klaus for a story, he tells her off a love long-lost. Seventy years ago, Klaus Mikaelson, then a RAF pilot, tumbled into the sea when his plane was shot down and was rescued by a beautiful girl with sunshine hair, a wolfish smile, and a silver tail. Their story was tragic and never meant to last.

***

One of Hope’s earliest memories begins like this:

It is a late summer afternoon in Albany, New York. The house is empty; Hope’s parents and grandmother are away running errands. The air is muggy and thick enough to choke on; Hope’s grandfather sits in his rickety old rocking chair on the porch to take refuge from the scorching rays of the sun. Hope perches at the edge of the porch, only a small distance away, kicking her slender feet out in no discernable rhythm. She stares out into the empty street in boredom, finding no fellow children to run out and play with.

It's too hot; everyone is avoiding the heat, choosing to remain indoors with the artificial chill of their air conditioners and fans.

Her grandfather leans back in the chair, and it creaks as he shifts his weight. He too cannot stave his impatience with the spy thriller he had been reading, so he sets it aside, down on the floor.

“Would you like to hear a story, Hope?”

His voice, a low baritone tinged with an eclectic mix between a Southern and British accent, is a startling relief from the sleepy silence of the neighborhood, and Hope perks up, turning to face him.

“Yes! That would be awesome! I am so bored.” She stretches out the syllables of her words in child-like exaggeration, pouting up at her grandfather.

“There are several that I can think of…” he begins, but Hope interrupts.

“No, grandad!” she cries. “You’ve already told me all of your stories.” Hope blinks eyes heavy with exhaustion up at him. “Tell me a new one.”

“A new story?” her grandfather mutters, stormy eyes going distant as he thinks back. Having decided on one, he turns his attention back to his granddaughter and smiles gently. “I think there is one story from your old grandad that you have never heard.”

***

I know that you have learned somewhat about the Second World War at school. It was a terrible war; there were so many innocent deaths, so much violence. But, I was never involved directly in the fighting.

No, I was a pilot. I flew airplanes for the British Royal Air Force. We often went on dangerous missions; it wasn’t always a guarantee that we would come back home. And, what we were doing, dropping bombs to destroy German U-boats, it wasn’t a terribly-good thing to do. But we were saving lives.

On one such mission in…September of 1945, I think, I was flying over the ocean. The Atlantic Ocean, it is the ocean between the United States and Great Britain.

Around me, the sky was surrounded in inky darkness; it was nighttime. And it was raining, such stormy weather that hadn’t been seen all summer. Still, I was safe inside my airplane.

Suddenly…I saw a flash of fiery light streaking toward me; it hit my plane with such a loud boom that my ears still rang for moments after.

My plane had been hit by fire from an enemy pilot.

They had ruined my plane’s engine, and I no longer had control. The plane began to plummet down so swiftly that my head smacked against the ceiling, and I was knocked unconscious.

I woke up once, only briefly. I had somehow fallen out of the plane, and I was dropping towards the ocean like a stone. My side was aching; I could not feel it, but I was paralyzed with fear and shock. I thought I was going to die, and I passed out again.

Once more I woke up. I had just plunged underwater; it was freezing, my entire body ached, and the water kept dragging me further down.

I opened my mouth to breath, a stupid mistake. The water rushed into my mouth, filling up my lungs, stinging the way skinning a knee does but everywhere. I tried to swim, I reached out a hand to claw my way out of the water, but it was too heavy, my body was too heavy. I only sank faster.

The water burned like hot lava in my stomach after I was forced to swallow some.

Everything began to become fuzzy at the edges, and I couldn’t tell upside from down. Still, I fought to keep my eyes open, but it was a losing battle.

And, then, imagine this.

Just as all I could see became darkness, there was a flash of silver, almost like light. It was shimmery, metallic. And I tried to reach for it.

But my body was still not under my control.

I thought I saw a face, a human face, but that was not possible. No one could be underwater with me.

I could not ponder this, because unconsciousness came quickly.

***

When I came to, I saw the brightest sky I had ever seen. Brilliant and clear, not a cloud to be seen. And below me? The softest, purest sand ever felt against the exposed skin of my arms.

I shifted against the sand, pain licking like flames down my sides. I was in the most agony that I had ever felt. Something hot was boiling up in my throat, and I gagged, unsuccessful in keeping it down. I turned my head and vomited the remains of my last meal onto the sand; I kept my eyes away from the mess. My stomach roiled again as I dry-heaved.

Something hovered into my view.

A face. The face I had caught a brief glimpse of underwater.

It was a woman-no, it was a girl.

She was beautiful, yes, but did not surpass my childhood sweetheart Camille in beauty. Her skin was unblemished and fair like the sand I lay against, and her hair, hanging loose further than I could see, was a sunshine yellow, though it gleamed even more golden when it caught the light. But, more remarkable, was the keen intelligence that shone in the depths of her cerulean eyes, muddled against the stare of a predator.

I craned my head to allow my gaze to travel further than her delicate collarbones and a slash of nearly sheer fabric that covered her entire upper body; I glanced down and then immediately jerked my head back in bewilderment. I snuck another painful look to make sure that my tired eyes and brain were not playing tricks on my mind.

This girl had a tail.

At her waist, where Camille would wear her skirt, was a majestic tail, silver in color. It was a beauty, iridescent, wide at the waist but narrow where the flipper protruded. It flexed, shimmering with lustrous color under the rays of the luminous sun.

My brain could not compensate for both the agony and the impossibility of a girl with the tail of a fish.

I screamed, the sound ripping itself from my throat. It was the sound of a wild man, a man losing his soul; it was a sound that I believed myself incapable of making until that moment. I screamed myself hoarse, until my throat rubbed raw against itself as I attempted to make noise, but the girl with a tail made no indication to move.

Finally, when all the noise and all the fight was drained out of me, sucked away and replaced by an exhaustion so heavy I felt it in my bones, the girl lunged into my view. I could not flinch away; my limbs dragged against each other as I attempted to move.

She opened her lips, a slash of bright color against the white sand, and I braced my body, stiffening away the best I could.

But she spoke not.

No, she sang.

And her song, oh her song, light, airy, melodious, unlike anything I had ever heard. It was distant at first, the hushed background noise of a radio while the channel is being adjusted. It was still one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.

Then I began to listen.

It was harmonious, it was precise, her song was in tune with the rhythmic beating of my heart.

A magical spell was woven in her music, in her song, in her voice. Her voice wove threads in my mind, dulled it until I could no longer refuse to obey, fogged the rest of my brain until the slapping of ocean waves no longer registered. The color of my vision faded, her face disappearing, only her voice left as my guiding focus.

Her voice paralyzed my body. I could not flinch, I could not tremble, I could not resist.

So, I obeyed her song.

And my mind slept.

***

For a second time, my mind stirred, and my eyes fluttered open. The aching in my bones was now a lingering memory, my pain receptors somehow dulled so my body was temporarily relaxed from the pain. There was faint light filtering from above, though my eyes were staring straight ahead at the slate cavernous ceiling of a cave. My body rested on a surface more solid than the sand had been, but my fingers twitched unconsciously and stroked against the slippery silk of cloth.

I shifted my body; there was heat flaring over my body suddenly, so thick it weighed heavy in my chest and lungs. I coughed, a million bees buzzed in my mouth and throat.

Immediately, there was relief in the form of a cool, soaked rag draped against the delicate skin of my forehead. The difference in temperature was as distinct as the difference between black and white. Water trickled down the sides of my temples, and I sighed audibly.

The rag was a heavenly gift to me in my poor state.

I turned my face towards my savior as a blind man would to the sun, but, immediately, I recoiled and tried to shove myself further away.

The girl had placed the rag on my forehead and was now lifting it. I traced the paths of her slender hands with my eyes and watched as she dipped the rag into a small pot likely filled with water, allowing the cloth to become weighty. Then, in rapid, harsh movements, she retrieved the rag, squeezed the liquid from it thoroughly, and returned it to its position on my forehead.

Her hand brushed against the prickling skin on my forehead; her skin was smooth and soft against the dampness of my temple.

I stiffened, heart roaring to life, but there was no escape. Despite the lack of pain in my body, I was pinned between her and the cavern wall.

“Get away from me,” I demanded weakly, bursting into a fit of violent coughing that left me doubled over. Even speaking strained my voice after my bout of screaming…days ago? Hours ago? Time seemed to have passed so sluggishly since I fell from my plane that I could no longer tell.

She ignored me.

“Humans.” She clicked her tongue with strange indifference. Her voice was cool, evenly-pitched, almost throaty. It struck me as odd; after hearing her song, I had expected her speaking voice to also be honeyed and lilting. “So clumsy and fragile.”

Singing…

“What did you do to me?” I blurted in outrage and immediately regretted it when my throat ached.

“Hmm?” The girl swept the rag from my forehead, and, though the heat was swiftly returning, I shivered. “What did I do?”

“You forced me to sleep!” I protested.

“Oh, yes. That,” she replied tonelessly, as though it had suddenly occurred to her. “I sung to you.”

“You sung to me?” I managed to prop my head up at a slight angle; my eyes unconsciously travelled back to her waist.

I would have blushed at the shamelessness of my gaze, several years in the air force had not trained away the innocence and decency ingrained in me by my family and culture, but my eyes were then popping out of my head at her current lack of tail.

“You have legs!” I gasped audibly. “Where did your legs go?”

She rolled her cerulean eyes, a gesture usually found uncouth on most ladies but that strangely suited her. Once again, she ignored my question. “You have several broken ribs and deep surface wounds. None are critical, but some may scar and mar your pretty face.”

I was unsure if she meant that as a compliment.

The girl continued, “I have treated your wounds with a paste made of lavender and wintergreen; both are natural anesthetics. Your ribs I have numbed with a gel of clove oils. They must heal internally, and you must keep them tightly wrapped.”

“Why are you doing this?” I must have mumbled, and the girl smiled, a wolf smile not fit for her fair features.

“I don’t like my victims untainted.”

The air was snuffed from my lungs, and the blood must have drained from my face, leaving my countenance considerably paler, because the wolf girl’s wolf smile grew wider.

“Relax,” she purred, voice silky and deceptive. “I won’t harm you. I don’t like getting my hands dirty. I only sing humans to death; that’s where the fun is, the deception and the chase and the hunt. I’m a predator.”

Chills ran down my spine, warning bells echoing in my ears. “Dangerous girl, what kind of creature are you?” I managed to gasp through my strangled throat.

“Silly human boy.” Wolf girls’ laughs were not meant to sound like tinkling silver bells. “I am a monster. I lure boys like you in and watch you crash to your own death into rocks. I am a siren like in those myths humans are so proud of. I change form at will.” The tense silence that stretched between her next words brought tentative hope to my heart. “I will heal you, and then you will leave.”

I had no time to flinch when she yanked the threadbare fabric of my shirt up and ripped wraps of fabric away from the skin that covered my ribs. If the pain had not been dampened, I would have howled.

She would have likely sneered in satisfaction.

“Hold your shirt away from your skin,” the siren ordered, and I obeyed out of fear. “I must replace your bandages. I will return in a moment.”

I must have drifted off from the exertion of my body, because, when I focused my dazed eyes, there was a subtle gleaming between new cloth on my ribs, likely more numbing gel.

My stomach growled noisily.

Strange. My brain had not registered hunger.

The siren materialized at my side, clutching what appeared to be a hollow coconut shell. Something sloshed inside it as she shoved it none-to-gently toward me.

“What is that?” I mumbled. When she raised an eyebrow, I repeated my words with more volume.

“Food,” she replied crisply. “Careful when you raise yourself up.”

She lent no helping hand as I tenderly propped myself up, leaning my back against the hard rock behind me. I retrieved the shell from her hands, avoiding skin contact.

The liquid inside the coconut was thick and slightly murky, though the color was most likely due to the small herbs dotting its surface. I raised the lip of the shell to my mouth and tilted; the brew had a sharp, sour flavor that I did not shy away from. It reminded me of my mother Esther’s chicken stew, something I had not had in several years, or at least not since rationing began in England.

My hunger took over me, and I drained the shell. Some liquid dribbled over my lips as I swallowed; I wiped the excess away with the back of my hand as I set the shell on the cot besides me.

The siren watched me with clever eyes, smile finally gone.

Hunger momentarily quelled, my body not in any immediate trouble, I surveyed the cave in which we rested.

The space was small and tidy, furnished with a mishmash of objects like the cot I was laying on, a burgundy rug embroidered with ornate patterns, or the curtains of translucent cloth that fluttered as a light breeze brushed through the entrance of the cavern.

“Where am I?” I dared question.

“An island,” came her brief response.

“An island where?”

The siren’s eyes glimmered as jewels would. “That is not a concern of yours when you remain in this condition. You are to remain on this island, my island, under my care until you recover to near-perfect condition.”

“Do I have a say in this?”

“No.” Her refusal was perfunctory but decisive, and I realized that I did, in fact, not have a say in my condition.

“Sleep,” she instructed, and, though this time her words were more of a mere suggestion, I still heeded them.

For several days, we existed like that. I slept on the cot, feeling as if my legs were deteriorating from their lack of movement. The siren would drift into the cavern occasionally to change my bandages or apply more ointment or forcibly hand me a shell of the same brew. She would always disappear to the water at nightfall, always wearing dresses of the same nearly-sheer fabric. My pain remained numbed for most of the passing time, leaving me to assume that the siren slipped her painkilling substance in my meals.

We shared vague, undisturbed conversation. She never proved intimidating after the day I first awoke, though she behaved as if I remained uninteresting.

One of our exchanges went like this:

“Have you no name I may call you?” I asked her as she scraped a paste of herbs for my next ointment. It had been less than a week after I nearly drowned, and I lounged the best I could against the solid surface of the cot.

“What may I call you?” she shot back rapidly, clever hands at swift work.

I detected no venom in her taunts, a usual occurrence of late; it seems that she was beginning to warm up to me. “Klaus,” I told her.

“Klaus.” She tested my name several times, weighing it on her tongue with curiosity. “What is the significance of your name?” Her voice had taken a near childlike quality.

“It is a diminutive of Niklaus, which means victory of the people in a certain language.”

“Victory?” The siren’s full lips curled into a soft expression, lacking the sharpness of her wolf smile. “What war are you fighting?”

Her question struck a chord with me, and I laughed hollowly. “No war that I can win.”

She eyed me intuitively before nodding silently, her hair bobbing along with the movement of her head. “You may call me whatever you please. I have no name and have grown accustomed to the titles others award me.”

It took mere seconds until inspiration struck me. “May I call you Caroline?” I briefly knew a Caroline once, a daughter of distant family acquaintances, and something about the sharp stare of the curious siren reminds me of her.

The siren nodded her assent, and Caroline she became.

***

“Why do your fellow humans war in the sky and in the sea?” she questioned only a few days later.

I gaped at her in astonishment. This was one inquiry I had never expected. “We’re fighting a war,” I finally managed to reply. “The last war like this that my country fought in was called the war to end all wars. It seems that this might be the war to end all wars.”

“What is the conflict?”

“Conflict?” I echoed with bewilderment.

“Why does your country fight?”

“We must crush the forces that threaten the will of the world as I know it,” I stated, a sentiment I had heard from many of my fellow pilots.

She glances at me and then away, as if one view into my eyes has exposed my meager secrets. “And why do you fight?”

“I fight, because my country chose me to,” I reply swiftly, but she had heard what I had left unsaid

“But you do not choose to,” Caroline guessed.

My silence served as confirmation.

Her eyes softened to the closest that I had seen as kindness in her expressions. “It was never my intent to force you to sleep against your will,” she confessed, “but it was a necessity for your body to heal.”

“I have never had my mind turned against my will until that instance,” I commented quietly. “I never intend for it to happen again.”

“Take this as my word. Or, rather as my vow.” Caroline had been kneeling on the rug besides my cot, but, now, she rose to look down upon me. “I will never sing to you again,” she promised sincerely.

After that day, the last vestiges of our stony animosity were washed away, and we treated each other as equals, dare I say friends.

***

Several days later, Caroline determined that my wounds had healed well-enough for her to allow me to venture outside.

First, however, she urged me to practice walking around the cave.

It was easier said than done.

Despite Caroline’s assistance in slipping off the cot, the moment I attempted to stand I wobbled so critically that I would have fallen had Caroline not been there to catch me.

“Steady,” she murmured, eyes shifting down to my trembling legs. “Take this step by step, and, soon, you will be able to stand.”

How odd had our acquaintanceship become that it never once occurred to me to doubt her words.

Steady step by steady step, I spent hours that day relearning how to walk, and not once did Caroline ever leave my side.

At the end, I was trembling and sweating, my legs aching hollowly as if I had run miles and exerted my body more tremendously than I had done, but I had managed to walk the length of the cavern several times.

“What did I say?” Caroline crowed as I moved to perch on the edge of the cot in exhaustion.

“Even a blind miner strikes gold once,” I replied stubbornly.

The next day, Caroline dragged me from my cot early in the morning.

“What?” I groaned, rubbing my eyes blearily. My last meal had been last night, and her pain-numbing concoction’s effects were wearing off; I could feel the aching beginning, deep in my bones. If I still sustained true pain from my injuries, even after two weeks, it would hit sooner or later. “I think I’ll need more of your painkilling substance soon.”

“I will give it to you soon,” she promised sincerely, “but hurry!” Caroline bundled me towards the entrance of the cave while I tottered for balance. Her push was gentle but steady, and, slowly, I limped towards the lip of the cave, further than I had ever been.

I broke through the shadow of the cave, bare feet brushing against the velvety but grainy sand, my boats having left unworn in the cave for weeks, and gasped, heart nearly thudding out of my chest as I surveyed the landscape that unfolded below me.

The sun had just risen, casting yellow light that washed over the dark sea and formed a trail of white where the light hit the water. Around me, the dusky purple of the night sky was lightening for day, revealing a verdant forest of green to my right. The snow-like beach lay spread to my left, speckled with grey and brown boulders.

“Of all the sights in the world,” I breathed quietly, “this is one I am glad that never went unseen.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Caroline admitted. “Come.” She motioned with a single hand as she began to herd me down a gentle slope that led to the beach.

“You wouldn’t know?” I questioned curiously.

She shook my question off and took off running towards the long stretch of beach. “Chase me,” she demanded in a joyful cry.

I laughed loudly for the first time in weeks, and the sound echoed in the silence around me. I followed Caroline, trailing behind in a quick walk, not trusting my legs enough to run.

In front of me, Caroline reached the water and came to an abrupt halt. She waited a few moments for me to catch up, glancing back at me with invitation in the endless oceans that were her eyes. As I grew closer, she began to chuckle, a melody almost as stunning as her song.

She took a running start, water flying up behind her as she dashed forward, before diving forward into the water.

As her head became submerged in the water, the air surrounding her legs began to blur slightly, as if becoming covered with a smoke screen.

I will never be able to describe exactly how it happened, but it was almost magical, the way her legs metamorphized into her shimmering tail.

I had reached the edge of the water and hesitated slightly.

The memory began to loop itself in my head: how the water had reached into every crevice of my lungs, how it had filled my nostrils until I could no longer breath, how I had begun to choke, how the water weighed me down, dragging me further into its depths.

A cool spray of water slapped me in the face, and I gasped, breaking free from that nightmare’s hold, head turning to gaze at Caroline.

She had splashed me with the fin of her tail, and she did it again, sending a torrent of water splashing into my face.

I only blinked slowly as my hair became plastered to my head.

“Well,” she called eagerly, “are you coming in or not?” When I failed to respond after a brief pause, her face took on an expression of concern. “Oh. It did not occur to me that you may have retained a fear of the water after your near death.”

“No,” I said frantically, attempting to soothe her worries. “That is not what it is.”

She shook her head in refusal. “I am centuries old, Klaus. I am not oblivious. It should have occurred to me, I apologize.”

“No…really…” I sighed. “It is not right for me to be afraid.”

Caroline stared at me critically. “Why is it not right?” she asked calculatingly.

“Men in my society,” I began softly. “We are not supposed to have such ordinary weaknesses.”

Snorting in disbelief, she swam up to where the shallowness of the water began, and, when she edged out of the water, she walked on her feet, skin still covered by the cloth of her dress, now soaked and floating above the water.

I gaped briefly, amazed by her transformation.

She strode up to me, nearing closer until we were nose to nose. “That is complete and utter bullshit,” she snapped. “I have swum the waters of this world for far longer than you could imagine, and, of every man and women who have sailed these seas, for there have been many women, and who I have lured with my song, all were susceptible to ordinary weaknesses or fears. It is only natural. Every person has fears; one must simply be courageous enough to brave them.” Caroline seated herself on the sand and reached up a hand. “Come.”

I gently eased myself into the sand beside her. “You have lived long, haven’t you?”

“I have.”

“Yet you have never seen the world,” I stated in confusion.

“I cannot,” Caroline explained. “It is not in my nature. I am not meant to walk among the humans; I am meant to be their death and destruction. I was created from sea foam to be such.”

“You walk alongside me; you have cared for me.”

She laughed in melancholy. “That is different. I will never be able to live amongst the humans; there is no point in pretending otherwise.”

“If I could,” I breathed. “I would take you anywhere in the world. You deserve to see it as such.”

“That is the kindest offer anyone has ever made me.” Her smile could have launched a thousand ships; she would have been Helen of Troy, her beauty amplified by her happiness.

I do not know how we shifted until our sides were pressed together; I could feel the heat of her skin brushing against mine through the thin fabric of her dress and my trousers.

She turned her face towards mine, and I must have done the same for our lips were touching.

Her lips were soft as they brushed against mine, a whisper of butterfly wings.

Our kiss was sweet and soulful, but there was a dissonant cacophony of danger bells clanging themselves in my head.

I reached a tender hand to cup her face, stroking my thumb over her cheekbone, before slowly drawing my head back.

“I cannot,” I apologized in a hushed voice. “In other circumstances, I would be able to love you, but I cannot now. My heart already belongs to another.”

Her eyes were understanding. “Who?”

“I can only show you.”

So, my heart writhing in emotional pain, I led her back to the cave and to the heap where my bomber jacket and boots lay. From that inner pocket, I withdrew my compass. Amazingly, it remained intact, despite all the trauma it had gone through; the lid was only the slightest bit dented. I flipped it open to reveal the photograph that lay embedded within.

“This is Camille,” I stated softly. “We met as children.”

The photograph was from that last occasion we saw each other before my training, before she had gone off to work as a nurse in the war hospitals; we had gone dancing. Though the print was black and white, my mind filled in the brassy yellow of her hair - not too dissimilar to Caroline’s, the flecks of green and grey in her eyes, the rosy red of her cheeks. She remained burned in my memory: her sparkling eyes, her angular chin, the narrows of her delicate hands, the melody of her laugh.

“Do you love her?” Caroline’s eyes were glossy with unshed tears, but there was a ghost of a smile on her lips.

“Very much.” A lovestruck expression overtook my face. “She is kind but witty; her words can be barbs on her tongue, but she never wields them to hurt, only to sooth.”

“She sounds lovely.”

“She is.” I nodded eagerly.

Caroline laughed without venom. “Love is the one human emotion I never understood,” she said straightforwardly. “I believe I never will.”

I could not respond to that.

***

For days after, conversation between us remained stilted and awkward until, one day, Caroline sat me down and forced me to talk about Camille.

“I’m a sucker for love stories,” she demanded.

I could only oblige.

From then, we laughed and talked the way we had before.

A day almost four weeks later, Caroline declared that my injuries had healed almost fully.

“Now what?” I inquired as I perched on the edge of my cot.

“I do not know.” She shrugged, hands fiddling with the cloth of her dress. “Let us eat while we ponder your next opportunities”

After another meal of broth, we traveled out the beach. My fear of the water had dulled slightly, enough that I did not panic when we waded out into the water as we were currently doing.

“It never seemed that you wished to fight in your human war,” Caroline told me.

“That is true,” I remarked. “I was drafted; I had no choice.”

“Do you not need to return?” she asked.

“I do not know,” I replied truthfully.

The war had not occurred to me in all my weeks with Caroline; it was a thing of the outside world, distant and nearly forgotten.

“I do not need to,” I mused. “I could stay here with you.”

Her eyes flashed. “No, you would not survive here. Humans have short lives, and yours would end soon enough. I would be lonely again. Besides, you have family and someone who loves you.”

“You can come with me!” I cried passionately.

She barked a bitter laugh. “I have already told you, Klaus. I cannot be a human; I cannot live amongst them.”

“Why not?” I demanded.

Her wolf smile had returned. “You are so naïve,” Caroline hissed. “I bring death with my song. I would destroy humanity. It is not a choice; it is a compulsion. I stayed away from humans for a reason, watching from a distance. You showed me the best of humanity, but even my song was too much for you. My song will ruin you; we will never be able to live together in harmony anywhere.”

There was a flood of agony to my heart and head. “I have never met a soul like you,” I said, trying to appeal to her. “We could figure it out together.”

Her angry demeanor cracked as her eyes flooded with tears. “It will not work,” she stated simply, turning her face away.

“How do you know?” I protested.

“You will never understand.” She rose elegantly, like a queen. “Come with me.”

I did not follow. “Why?” I asked stubbornly, holding my ground, bare toes digging into the sand.

“Please.” Her airy voice cracked with emotion I could not understand.

At the pleading in her voice, I loosened my body and took a step towards her. “Fine.”

Briefly, there was brightness in her pained smile. She began to walk towards the cave, and I trailed behind her, my bewilderment growing as we entered the cave. Caroline grabbed my bomber jacket and stuffed it into my arms. “Put those on,” she ordered, gesturing to my boots. “You’ll need them where we’re going.”

I obeyed, asking as I balanced to pull my boots on, “Where are we going?”

Caroline held out a hand to me. “Wait.” The moment I had tied the laces of my boots and slid my jacket on, she led me out of the cave.

We traveled along the cave until the path became steeper and steeper, until I was gasping for breath, though Caroline remained unaffected, until the cave became a mound of rock surrounded by dirt. We were crossing to a side of the island I had never seen before, following the line of trees from the forest but never venturing inside. Finally, roughly ten minutes later, we arrived at a small cove with a direct view to the sea. I stopped at the entrance while Caroline ventured to a large rocky overhang.

From its shadow, she heaved out, with incredible strength, a vast wooden platform, made of logs tied tightly together, with a narrow paddle attached.

It was a raft.

“Sirens have always had an innate sense of the sea. For example, I know that, if you paddle out for a few hours and drift in the same direction for some more, you will find yourself in the path of a ship,” she told me nonchalantly. “It could be a U-boat, but it is more likely to be one of your country’s boats.”

“I do not understand,” I stuttered.

On the contrary, however, a small seed of comprehension began to sprout in my mind.

“You do not need to.”

Then, she opened her mouth again, lips stretched wide, and I understood.

Caroline began to sing.

It was a terrible song, music of hopelessness and frustration and sorrow and loss. Her voice, as airy and beautiful as it was, was also rough and full of turmoil, a voice of grated rocks and sharp edges. One listen would open up your heart, one listen would cut a wound, one listen would cause bleeding.

I tried to steel myself against her voice; I stilled my heart and mind, left them as hardened as possible.

It was futile.

Her song drove itself into my mind, wrapped itself around my heart. Her warbling ordered my feet to move against my will, to stride toward the raft and toward her in clumsy steps.

My body couldn’t resist as it stumbled toward her.

I came to stand in front of her.

“Why, why are you doing this?” I cried emotionally. “Let me stay here with you.”

At that moment, all thought of the war, of my home, of my Camille were driven from my mind; my only focus was Caroline.

She turned her head to face me, still singing. Her eyes were wide, the endless water in the endless oceans of her eyes finally spilling over and down her quivering cheeks as she took miniscule gasping breaths between notes. Her lips met and parted as she articulated her music.

My body moved itself to the raft and tugged it further to the ocean tide that teased the shore.

Of my own accord, I called out to her, but my helpless pleading fell on deaf ears.

I was seated on the raft, able to sprawl my full body across it and still reach the oar.

Caroline continued to sing.

“Please…” was all I could manage.

She gave me a bitter, sea salt smile as one of my hands lifted the oar.

No amount of resistance could tear my palms from the oar as my arms began to paddle, pulling the raft into the hungry tide. The song never lifted from my mind, though my heart remained free to beat in relentless agony.

As the raft began to drift into the ocean, my head was forced to turn to face the water, until I could no longer see Caroline.

Only her voice continued, tainting itself into my ears.

Her song changed suddenly, no longer heavy or dark but now light and freeing. There was loss, yes, but it was overcome by the coolness of sacrifice, by the sweetness of innate selflessness.

The siren’s song remained in my ears all the way to sea…

[treasure-my-aurora]

One More Night. Pt 3

A/n:  Link to mentioned sweater: https://ateezstylesearch.tumblr.com/post/186794427005/kim-hongjoong-acme-de-la-vie-baby-face-hoodlie

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong / fem!Reader

Chapter: 3/14

Genre: Mutual pining, canon compliant, fluffy af, angsty af, suggestive, teasing and filled with that good shit that everyone loves

Words in this chapter: 6591

I rubbed my eyes, before hiding a yawn with a sleeve covered hand. It was dark, the big analogue clock that hung from the ceiling ticked past eight and I shuddered slightly from sleep deprivation and the chilly temperature in the hall before I pulled my sweater closer around my body. It was the 11th of March and we waited to board the flight to the US. All of us, both members and staff were nervous and excited to go on the first tour. The butterflies in my stomach made me antsy and I couldn’t sit down for long until I got up and started pacing again, endlessly going through the list of things I knew had to bring with me and compared it with what I'd packed. It was an anxious feeling, but I knew that I hadn’t forgotten anything, I’d checked, and double checked again but the feeling wasn’t going away and I simply accepted that I would have to deal with it. I looked down at Hongjoong where he sat a meter from where I was standing, diagonally away from him. I’d sat next to him before I got up, his eyes never wavered from the laptop on his outstretched legs, used to my actions since I’d been sitting and standing on repeat the last hour. I watched him, as I usually did when he was too deep into what he was doing to notice my gaze, sucked on the inside of my cheek as his fingers flew over the keyboard. Most likely writing down lyrics to a song or composing new material, eyes flicked from one side of the screen to another while he chewed on his lower lip behind the face mask. He looked up suddenly, probably from sensing my stare, curiosity twinkled in his eyes and I looked away quickly, raised my face mask over my mouth and nose to hide my burning face. He scoffed softly and a smile made his eyes squint. “I was just thinking” I tried to defend myself, knowing that he knew exactly why I was staring and he gave me another glance under his fringe that spoke of his disbelief but didn’t say anything, we were surrounded by staff from all kinds of departments and he didn’t want to cause an unnecessary scene. Some of the members started to record a log just before a lady’s voice could be heard from the speaker, bidding the passengers to go to their gate and Hongjoongs brows furrowed, annoyed that he had to stop in the middle of his thought process. I collected my things, gave him a glance to make sure that he really stopped doing what he did and received a look from him as he scrunched his nose at me, being fully aware that I knew him almost as well as he knew himself by now, and that he’d gladly sit and work until the very last second. I joined my colleagues and Eunji who were standing a bit further down, chatting and gossiping about the latest within the company and I zoned out slightly, not really caring at all about who married / slept / had an altercation with who and what happened afterwards. Eunji came to stand beside me, her newly cut short bob bouncing as she came to a halt and she gave me a big smile, “Are you excited to go back?” She asked and I paused for a second, happy but not really surprised, knowing her, that she remembered my overseas studies. “I look forward to New York, maybe if we have an hours or so over, I’d like to visit some of my old favourite places” I could feel my cheeks heat over the request, knowing how tight the schedule was going to be but she only smiled at me, “We’ll see what we can do” The queue started moving forward and I could hear the members talking a bit further up, still recording. Hongjoong in sweater with the bright green patterned hoodie looked back, saw me amongst the crowd and took a bee line to stand aside and wait for me, cutting off Yeosang who gave him a confused and slightly offended look when he walked around him instead. I gave him a confused smile, feeling how my heart skipped a beat when he started to walk beside me instead but he didn’t say anything and I looked down at the floor, quickly covered my ears with my hair as I felt them heating up slightly from my flustered state. Staff around us only spared a glance, used to the interactions by now and that there was no need to question our close friendship, most of them probably thought that I already had a man at home and was just very passionate about my work. I know I would (because, seriously. It was Hongjoong we were talking about and even if his looks might not be everyone's cup of tea, his charisma could charm off your pants in a second) We boarded and I took my window seat in front of Hongjoong, Eunji beside me and another styling noona, who was getting trained to have her own focus as well beside her. The boys continued with their log, the camera going between them as they recorded a small segment, talked about the last time they were in the US and I unloaded my luggage in the compartment above us before I made myself comfortable as an announcement over the plane speakers was heard, apologizing that there would be a small delay because they still loaded in luggage and I could feel how a cold sweat broke out on my brows, praying that Hongjoong’s wardrobe wouldn’t get lost. Ten minutes later and the plane finally started to move, and I put in my headphones, popped a chewing gum in my mouth, leaned back and watched out the window as we lift off. I didn’t mind flying but take off, when the engines roared and the whole plane was shaking. The noise almost ear deafening and then the sudden push forward, always made me feel a bit sick to my stomach. We were in the air within a few minutes and I removed my headphones again as the seat belt sign turned off, a voice over the speakers introduced themselves and the other cabin crew. They gave us information about the trip, when food and refreshments were going to come out, thanked us for choosing their airline and then requested that we still were to wear our seatbelts on if we sat still in our seats. I looked back and couldn’t help but smile, Hongjoong was out cold, head rested against the side of the plane. I decided that I should rest as well. Food wouldn’t be served for another hour and I could really use the sleep, knowing that I would work my ass off as soon as we’d land, jet lag be damned. I woke up an hour later by a sharp jab from a finger in my side. I frowned, annoyed and moved to the side, away from the place I knew the finger was but it didn’t stop the abuse and I opened my eyes as I received another jab and looked down, recognized the hand and looked behind me, eyes angry and sleep drunk when I met Hongjoong's. I squinted and drilled them into him, my mouth pressed into a line of disapproval and he pouted with an innocent look as if he’d done nothing wrong. I turned forward again just as the same voice from before announced that food was on its way. I sat up straighter, arched my back and stretched, rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and covered my mouth as a yawn escaped my lips. The yawn got interrupted though as a familiar finger sneaked between my seat and the wall again but this time I was ready and grabbed him, pulled his finger to my mouth and bit down, not hard, but hard enough to earn a sharp yelp from his lips as he flinched and retreated. I looked back again and gave him a victorious smile. He squinted at me but didn’t try the action again and I giggled softly for myself just as our food arrived. We ate, another half an hour passed, and refreshments arrived, and I reached for my coffee with grabby hands, barely giving it time to cool down before I placed the cup against my lips, winching slightly when it burned a little on my tongue. Another hour and the cabin crew walked one final round to make sure that everyone was comfortable and satisfied before they turned off the light and bid us a good night. I sighed, unsure if I would be able to catch any sleep, the slight turbulence made my heart beat fast and I cradled my legs against my chest while I leaned against the side of the plane, Eunji snored softly beside me and I wished that I had her calm and composed personality. I guessed it came with experience within the company, being able to sleep whenever because sleep wasn’t always a guarantee. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my own breathing as more and more staff fell asleep around me. A few minutes passed and I was deep in thought, reminiscing about my time in the states and how good it would feel to come back when the sudden feeling of a hand on the naked skin of my arm made me jump. I looked back, knowing who the assailant was but couldn’t see him in the darkness. I could hear the fabric of his clothes move though as he leaned forward, his breath hot on my face and I swallowed hard. “Are you awake noona?” He whispered softly, almost inaudible and I nodded before I remembered that he couldn’t see me and pressed out a small “Yes” I felt my heart race when he leaned even closer. It couldn’t be more than two decimetres between our faces, and I swear I could hear him gulp, “Can I hold you?” He asked and must’ve immediately realized how vague he sounded because he added, “Your hand, can I hold your hand? I… I don’t like it when the plane shake” I tensed my jaw, cursed my whole existence as I reached back and held in a small gasp when his warm hand clasped mine, intertwining our fingers. I was used to his skin against mine, I didn’t have much choice in the matter since I was the one who dressed him, but this wasn’t work related. This was him reaching out to me because he wanted my touch, and I swallowed hard, hoping that he wouldn’t feel how my pulse picked up on my wrist. The position worked for me, the gap between the seat and the side of the plane was quite wide but I was concerned about how Hongjoong was going to sit until I heard how he pulled down the small table attached to the back of my seat and leaned over it, probably resting his head in his left arm. “Good night Joongie” I said, and he sighed, a small yawn paused his reply, “Good night noona” - It was 21:15 and I was beyond tired. It was late when we arrived in LA, already afternoon and I gave the blazing sun an angry look, cursed the time difference between us. We only worked for a couple of hours but it went slower than normal, everyone in the team sludgy and constantly yawning as we unpacked and made sure that each set of wardrobe went to each member, their personal clothes and the ones for the stage separated, setting up hair, make-up and making sure that the venue was in order for the big first day three days from now. The jet lag was noticeable, a sixteen-hour difference and then missing out on an entire day wasn’t a joke and Eunji, who always had her things perfectly in order, wasn't immune to it. But we helped each other out, and everything fell into place eventually. I stumbled up to my hotel room, my body and mind incoherent and it felt like I’d lost an entire night of sleep. A notification on my phone went off and I inhaled sharply, my eyes closed as I paused in the middle of the corridor. Hoping and praying that it wasn’t Eunji who’d encountered a problem and that it would take longer until I could go to sleep. I opened the phone and dreaded the message but the profile photo of a familiar minion together with a text that read, ‘join me for snacks, noona?’ and an emoji with shiny puppy eyes, popped up instead. I sighed and rubbed my face with the hand that wasn’t holding my phone. My mouth pressed into a thin line as my legs shook slightly from exhaustion ‘30 minutes, my room and you bring the snacks’ I hit send, knowing that Eunji, who I was sharing my room with, had gotten more sleep than me on the plane and was probably going to stay up and work at the venue for another hour or two. I continued walking, my room just a few doors down. I’d barely been inside it, not even registering how it looked when we arrived since I immediately had to go to the venue, but the nice, fresh smell of cleaning and washing detergent was appreciated as I entered. I looked longingly at the crisp white sheets of the bed before I walked over to my bag and took out a set of oversized sweats and then went straight into the shower. The water felt amazing on my back and I could’ve been in there for an hour if it wasn’t for the fact that I'd have a guest over. I dried up, blow dried my hair and pulled it up in a bun, my clothes soft on my body and I opened the doors to the balcony and stepped out while I waited. My room was on the 21th floor and the cold wind blew into my face as I placed my arms around myself in a self-hug and looked out over the sea of lights underneath me for a few seconds before I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply and a sentimental, happy feeling washed over me. To think that I’d experience so much this past year, and now be back in the country where it all started, just two months more and it’d been a year since I got my degree. A knock on the door threw me out of my train of thought and I almost stumbled over my own leg as I rushed to it, feeling incredibly awkward as I did so. Hongjoong stood on the other side, wearing baggy chinos, that black sweater with the kid and donuts on it, hood over his head, a face mask covering his mouth and nose, and holding a bag from a supermarket in his hand. I could feel my heart pick up in speed and my cheeks flushed when he met my eyes, inhaled and gave me a smile. “I missed you today” he said and removed the hood, combed his fingers through his hair as I stood aside to invite him in before I swallowed, my heart beating hard in my chest, “I missed you too, it felt strange to set up everything without you there to monitor me” I joked, and he chuckled lightly as I sat down on my bed, not wanting to get crumbs in Eunji’s. He emptied the contents of the bag before he sat down as well and I squealed with happiness as I grabbed a packet of Reece’s mini cups and pressed it close to my chest, hugging it tightly. Hongjoong watched me, amused as he opened a bag of Cheetos and popped some in his mouth, “So, what have you been up to today?” he asked and avoided my gaze as he looked around the room, my still open balcony door made the curtains move as a gust of wind entered and I paused, savoured the taste of the Reece’s before I answered with a deep sigh, “Believe me, I love this job. I really, really do but I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve just wanted to walk right out and go back to Korea” I popped another Reece’s into my mouth and frowned, the thick peanut butter basically drew all the moisture from my mouth and I reached for a soda before I continued, “Eunji even had problems keeping it together for the few hours we worked” I sighed and took a sip before I rubbed my eyes, winched when the bubbles from the strongly carbonated drink scratched at my throat and how bad my eyes hurt from the lack of sleep, “and it’s been strange to be alone without you there to chat with me…” Hongjoong hummed in agreement and I think it was because of the sleep deprivation but I suddenly felt brave and continued, “Sorry, I think I’m just so used to have you there, next to me all the time. I’m happy that everything is good between us now, considered how strange it could’ve been if we wouldn’t have had that talk a month ago. I know I’m only talking for myself, but you still look good enough to eat and God… “I chuckled slightly, “I mean, could you imagine how it would’ve been if you wouldn’t be an idol and we both worked with something else?” I reached for his Cheetos and it was as if time paused for a few seconds when he looked up at me, a line of confusion on his forehead from my rambling, but then the realization that I poked on the innuendo that we would have fucked by now kicked it and he rolled his eyes before inhaling softly and handled the Cheetos to me, “I can’t believe that you think that this whole thing is one-sided” he said, voice dangerously low and my brows furrowed, unsure if I’d heard correctly. He’s eyes were still focused away from me when he brought his fingers to his mouth, his tongue flicked out to lick one finger clean from the cheesy powder that covered them. I gulped and unconsciously squirmed at the sight, wanting to look away but couldn’t. He must’ve seen my movement in his peripheral because he met my eyes when he popped the next finger into his mouth, a wrinkle between his brows and curiosity twinkling in his eyes as he licked the rest of them clean, and I had to manually tear my eyes from him, fought off the need to squirm again as the scene send a tickling feeling into my core. “It’s that bad, huh” He said in an exhale, but I didn’t respond, hoping that he traced back and talked about my day and not my reaction to him. He paused and I could almost hear him gulp before he spoke up again, his voice dropped another octave, “You know… I’ve been lonely since you said goodbye in the lobby when we arrived. Yunho have hung out with Mingi all day so I had time to think. Had time to do… other things as well when I thought about us” I looked up again, my jaw tensed as he met my gaze, a soft smile on his lips but something else shadowed his face, something that made his eyes glaze over and a precious pink to flush his cheeks and I suppressed a gasp when I realised what was happening, the air around us could suddenly be cut by a butter knife when I froze. I inhaled sharply, my brows furrowed as my stomach flipped and he bit his lower lip, chewed softly on it before he reached out and placed a hand on my thigh. I gulped, felt how butterflies exploded in my stomach and arousal flooded my core. I sighed, bit my lips, closed my eyes and tried to desperately fight off the feeling of wanton lust as he moved closer. I reached out, but the hand that I, in my heart, wanted to place on his cheek, changed direction when my consciousness kicked in and it landed on his chest instead as I stopped him. “Don’t, please” I opened my eyes and couldn’t suppress a gasp this time from escaping my lips when I met his dark eyes, face flushed and pink lips parted and I gulped hard at the sight, every fibre in my body screamed from my need to feel him on me but I stood my ground, “We can’t” I whispered, and he gave me a pained expression. “But I want to, please… I need you noona” He breathed out, voice low and whiny and my hand faltered for a second at the urgency in it. My heart flipped in my chest, but I bit my lip and sharply shook my head, “I can’t Joong… it’s more than just sex. We… we work together… others will notice the change between us, and I can’t risk that, I… “ I paused, his hand still rested on my thigh and it made it hard to think when he softly kneaded the skin, his thumb stroking the inner side of it and I swallowed, “I have fought for years to be in the position I am right now and I can’t risk it all, not for sex. Even though I bet it would be… “His hand finally moved from my thigh, but he placed it around my waist instead, and I suppressed a moan when he pulled my entire body towards him, my outstretched arm bending as our chest flushed together. “It would be… I’d make you feel so good noona. Better than you’ve ever felt. Give me a chance, please, and I’ll make you come harder than you ever had before” He purred and I fought of the need to rub my legs together as I imagined him buried between them, two fingers fucking me while he licked at my heat. The burning feeling as my panties soaked almost made me lose the small ounce of control I had. I braced myself as I looked up, our faces was just centimetres apart, and I tensed my jaw. I couldn’t move, could barely hold his gaze and I focused on my breathing instead of the way I knew his lips would taste. Sweet and tangy from the Cola and Cheetos and I bit my lip as his hand moved over my back, rubbing small circles there. “But I’d lose my job if we’d get caught and I can’t allow that. I’m sorry” I placed my hand on his cheek instead and he leaned into my touch, paused as he understood that what I said wasn’t negotiable and then nodded, a sad look on his face as he sighed. He stood up and I had to bite down on my tongue as the evidence of our soft foreplay dented his pants. I was mere seconds from changing my mind when he sighed again and looked down, blushed slightly, placed his hood over his head again and walked towards the door, “You can keep the snacks, I know that you haven’t eaten since we sat on the plane” he said shortly before he opened the door and walked out, the door clicked shut behind him and I borrowed my face in my hands, fell back against the bed, took the pillow next to me and screamed into it. Horny, frustrated and with a heart that split in two. - The following two days passed in a haze and I barely saw Hongjoong at all. They prepared for the stage, met people they’d only interacted with through their agents, had interviews first thing in the morning and then danced until late into the evening and I was busy with my own stuff, making sure that everything was in order and prepared for the first show. I woke up early on the 15th, went to the venue and ate some breakfast with Eunji who was already there, “Are you ok, sweetheart?” She asked while she sipped her tea, a worried expression on her face and I nodded, still a bit out of focus since I’d looked through my schedule while she asked, “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just nerves” I shook my head and gave her a smile through my white lies. “Is it Hongjoong?” She asked, nonchalantly and met my eyes over the edge of her cup and I swear I could feel my heart stop in my chest for a second, I cleared my throat, maybe a bit more forcefully than I counted on and she raised her eyebrows, expecting an answer. “No…?” I said, but the answer sounded more like a question than an answer and Eunji looked away as she took another sip of her tea. “He’s a perfectionist, you both are. I just wanted to know if he caused you too much trouble and if you wanted to change your focus. San has expressed that he is interested to have you as well…” She trailed off and I could feel a blush on my cheeks as my heart swelled with the pride of knowing that I did a good job. “No… I’m flattered, I really am but I don’t need to change my focus. I’m happy with Hongjoong, it really is just my nerves” I repeated, and I could see Eunji nod in my peripheral. The members arrived an hour later and Hongjoong only met my eyes for a second before he looked away again, not even a smile on his lips and I felt my heart drop and shatter like broken glass into the pit of my stomach. He whispered something to the styling noona next to him who nodded and gave him a smile before he sat down in the chair. I tried not to feel hurt, but it was difficult since this was the first time, he broke his schedule in all the time we’d been working together. I sat down again; a bit annoyed as well since I had my own schedule to go after and I was so used to him always getting clothes first and styling second that it was the way I lined up my own time as well. “Why the long face?” San sat down next to me, a big smile on his lips and I pouted, angrily chewing on my inner cheek, my arms crossed over my chest as I motioned towards Hongjoong with my head and San followed my line of sight to see who I was talking about, his smile changed into a confused frown, “But won’t that-” “Rattle up my entire schedule, yeah” I sighed and rubbed down the bridge of my nose, painful anxiety already boiled in my stomach from the thought of being an hour behind, my leg bouncing as I fiddled with the edge of my sleeve, “Sorry to interrupt you… I just” I gave him a distressed smile and shook my head, not able to express the thought process that had to be considered with everything in my work, but San brushed it off with a wave of his hand. “Don’t apologize for doing your job, there is only so much we can ask of you… I mean… we are the ones that Atiny screams for, our faces will be on photocards, in videos and to be seen live but we wouldn’t be able to live our dream if it wasn’t for you. Your hard work is not underappreciated, remember that” I inhaled shakily and turned to look at him, feeling how tears formed in my eyes. Others had expressed their gratitude in me before and I’d gotten compliments on my designs and work ethic but that was all colleagues and others that worked in the same business. To get such genuine appreciation from a client was different and I tore my eyes from his when I felt the tears roll down my cheeks, “Thank you. I really needed to hear that” I gave him a big smile and he opened his arms and I couldn’t help but accept the hug as I fell into his chest. He was built differently from Hongjoong, more bulky muscles around his wider frame and I melted slightly against him as his arms clutched around me. His hand softly stroke down my hair and I felt his heart picking up as he touched me, beating like a fluttering sparrow trapped in its cage. “Needed to hear what?” I broke free from San’s embrace and dried my eyes when Hongjoong came into view. The styling noonas had barely started on his hair and it sprouted slightly in different directions, but I didn’t find the joy to even giggle. He looked pissed, as if he and I were an actual couple and he’d just caught me cheating. I let San go, flustered that I’d just thrown myself into his lap, not that he was a stranger, but I didn’t know him nearly half as well as I knew Hongjoong and I felt embarrassment creep up to my cheeks, flushing my face red. San didn’t seem to have minded my body against his though because he squeezed my shoulder comfortingly before he stood up and took a step towards Hongjoong, voice tense but dangerously calm, “She needed some appreciation. She is the only one still with her own focus and works like she’d been doing this for years. You do realize the kind of stress she put herself through all the time, right? I don’t know what the fuck you’re doing but if she starts to cry from gratitude because I simply thanked her for doing an amazing job, you’re doing something very wrong” I looked between the two of them, confused and hurt of the fact that they fought. A rarity that only happened twice since I started working and none as serious as this seemed to be. “Don’t” Hongjoong warned as San took another step forward, fists clenched as if he was going to throw punches any second and I swallowed, not really knowing what to do. There was barely a two-centimetre height difference between them, San being the taller one, so neither could look down on the other but Hongjoong had the presence and authority of someone who was at least two decimetres higher. San puffed out his chest, standing dangerously close to his hyung and Hongjoong drilled his eyes into him, challenged him like an alpha wolf challenged his beta. Ten tense seconds passed as they stared each other down, not even blinking before San finally broke the eye contact, huffed, gave me another glance and walked out of the room with angry steps. I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. “Come with me” Hongjoong ordered, not sparing me a glance and I followed silently in his steps, avoided the concerned eyes from the styling noonas and the rest of the members, pulled the rack with clothes with me so that no one would question why just the two of us would walk away from the group, especially after an altercation like that. He opened a door several rooms down, let me enter first and nearly slammed the door behind him, making me flinch when he did so, “Care to explain?” He asked, cheeks red with anger and I took a step back, a bit frightened of this sudden new side of him, “Explain?” I repeated and he gave me a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes and he combed his hair with his fingers, bit on his tongue like he couldn’t believe my confusion. “Was that the real reason why you didn’t want to be with me yesterday? Do you feel an attraction to San as well? You want to feel him up as much as me, huh? For him to do all the nasty things to you that I wanted to do?” I opened my mouth to protest, to explain that it wasn’t the case and that he was crazy to even think such a thing, but he continued to rant, “Do you know what I did after I left your room yesterday? I spend an hour replaying the memory of you in my arms, the swell of your breast against my chest and my hand around your waist… I… I continued to imagine how things could’ve gone if you didn’t force me to leave. I came harder than I’d done in months and you… It’s like you’re playing with me” He bit down on his lower lip, chest heaving, and eyes teared up. A pained expression made his eyebrows furrow and I wanted to reach out to touch him, to hold him but this time it was his hand that stopped me as he held it out to block me from coming closer. “Joong…” I started and he swallowed, furiously rubbed his eyes when he felt that the tears threatened to fall, “Do you have… feelings for me?” I asked and he sighed, his hand moved down to rub down his face. “I don’t even know how that emotion would even feel, I’ve never been in love… I just… when I saw you with San… I… got angrier than I’ve ever been before, it was like someone just placed a red translucent fabric over my eyes and I just had to… make him disappear” He slumped against the wall behind him, as if all the angry testosterones that had been boiling through his blood stream left in an instant. I bit on the inside of my cheek and reached out to him, slowly and carefully as if I approached a wounded animal. His eyes rolled back, and a shaky, controlled breath left his lungs as he closed his eyes when my fingers reached his face. I moved away some hair from his forehead and he reluctantly leaned against my touch and I got braver and inhaled deeply before I took another step forward and placed my arms around him instead. He choked on his breath and embraced me as well, his hands clutching my clothes like he was drowning, and I was his lifebuoy. “I’m going to tell you a story, so just bear with me, ok?” I took another deep breath, “When I was nineteen and graduated high school, I had one goal in mind” I started out softly, still holding onto him tightly, “I wanted to design for a group that was going to be the next big thing. I wanted to dress them and watch as they took over the world. I spent five years abroad, in a country I didn’t know, all on my own. It was tough, lonely, and I wanted to quit more times than I could count…” I sighed and Hongjoong shook slightly against me. I could feel him crying, his tears wet my shoulder but I didn’t mind and softly rubbed circles down his back as he breathed heavily into the crook of my neck, “But I graduated, and I went back to Korea, actually scored myself a nice two roomed apartment, with a lot of help from family and friends and when autumn came around and a job offer fell into my email inbox, I decided that I’d give it a shot. Even though the company was small and not with many artists, I knew it was a possibility that this was my chance. Because a small company didn’t automatically mean failure. I was called for an interview. It went well, they seemed to like me, and I understood what I got myself into. I saw the numbers, the interest rate of the group, your group, that I was going to work with, and I understood that this was my chance to have the career I wanted. I wrote under the contract without a thought that everything it warned me about was ever going to happen” Hongjoong looked up, face centimetres from mine, eyes red from tears and I swallowed down the feeling of heartache, “I was determined that I’d never let anything or anyone get between me and my passion of doing what I did… but then I met you for the first time, stitching at your red jacket at that meeting and you stepped in to defend me. I was thankful, but even more thankful when you came to visit me in my office a few days later to tell me that my decision to bring that jacket with me was the best thing I could’ve done for myself... I was over the moon” Hongjoong broke our gaze, a smile on his lips and I couldn’t help but smile back, my heart swelled over with warmth, “These following months have been amazing and I found a friend in you that I never expected to find…“ I paused and looked away, my heart sinking as I sighed, “But that is what we need to be, friends. I can’t deny my attraction to you, both physically and emotionally. I care about you, a lot. But the thing between us can never be more than this… a hug, a gentle caress to comfort, a chat when we need someone to talk with… You’re under a dating ban as well, right? It’s not just my job and reputation we’re jeopardizing, it’s yours as well… and you’re not ready to risk everything you’ve worked for… right? Hongjoong let me go and combed through his hair with a frustrated flick of his wrist, avoiding my gaze and taking a deep breath to control his voice, “Of course I’m not. I feel rude for saying it but no, I can’t risk it. I understand what you’re saying, and I agree. It’s just that…” He looked up again and I shuddered slightly for the heavy intensity in his eyes, “Dating is one thing, and I care about you; I can admit that too, but sex is something entirely different. I know you by now, know about the glances you give me when you think that I can’t see, the way you suck on the inside of your cheek and the way your eyelids fall. I bet that you’ve gotten off with me in mind more than once. It’s more than just an attraction. You want me too- I know you do” “Yes, it’s like that for you. Sex is one thing but...” I refused to agree with his statement that I’d ever gotten off with him in mind and got more and more frustrated with him as he tried to sneak his way around me to make me admit that there was a very slight chance that no one would find out about us. Silently cursed at him as he refused to understand that even though we’d only sleep together, it would still affect our working relationship and once we’d step over that threshold, it would risk everything” “We’d just have to be careful” Hongjoong shrugged and I shook my head, certain that he was joking around with me now. His eyebrows rose and a smile tugged on the corners of his lips, “No... you don’t even want to try?” I gave him a look that clearly told him that this conversation was over, but he just chuckled, “I’ll make you submit, just you wait”

[crinkled-emotions]

Mary’s Chance

When Sam very suddenly gets sick, and Dean's having a meltdown, Mary steps in to help them. She stuffs up a couple times, but she gets there eventually. 

I was complaining about the lack of pukey!Sam to good old pal @upachucks and realised BOTH TIMES that I could be writing it myself; I’m perfectly capable, just have to get off my ass.  So I did.

The coffee was hot, the toast warm. While Dean cooked the bacon, Cas and Jack sat at the larger dining table, reading lore together- Cas had decided even if Jack was a nephilim and the son of Satan, he could still have some education like a normal human child. Reading lore and writing notes was considered English and History class, calculating how many times Sam snored during a football game compared to the amount of times Dean farted was math and slight science; sometimes Cas made Jack do a scientific investigation into these things. Whatever came out of the investigation had one very solid rule; don’t tell Sam and Dean.

  Mary wandered into the room fully dressed; she stopped by Dean to kiss his cheek and compliment his cooking, before taking a seat at the table with the angel and the nephilim.

“Where’s Sam? I heard him rustling around, but his shoes are still in the hallway.”

Dean shrugged, but Cas poked his head up.

“He seemed… sick last night. When I offered to help him he just bid me goodnight and retired to his room.”

“I heard someone puking last night,” Jack added in a nonchalant tone. Dean froze and everyone’s eyes shot to Jack, who shrugged.

“It may have been someone else, one of the other hunters-“

“-I’m just gonna go check on Sam.”

Dean served the bacon then headed for the hallway, colliding with a strong figure. A glance up told him it was Sam, in the flesh; but it was clear something was wrong. Green at the gills, nose and ears tinted pink with fever and dry, chapped lips were all clear indicators that something was up. Dean took him by the shoulders when he tried to speak, but Sam tried anyway.

“De, De where’s the- I can’t find the-“

“-mom! Grab the bowl we use for salads!”

Dean yelled the few feet down the hallway, which meant everyone got moving. Within seconds Castiel was there to help support Sam’s body, turning to Jack.

“Go to your room and wait for me; we’ll continue lore later.”

Jack did as told and Mary arrived with the bowl just in time for Sam to turn and bury his head into Dean’s shoulder, groaning as he felt his stomach flip.

“De you gotta help me man, you gotta-“

The nickname rolling off Sam’s lips then and there was one Dean hadn’t heard in ages; Sam had only really used it when he was a kid, when things were really bad and he didn’t want to get their dad’s attention. The older Winchester sighed, brushing a hand over the back of Sam’s neck. He nodded at Cas, and the angel sent the gesture back before flying away- he could take a hint. Mary held the bowl, staring with wide eyes as she saw Dean shift to whisper in Sam’s ear to get an understanding of exactly what was going on. Sam’s groaning and whining turned to gagging, and Dean took the bowl from Mary to hold it under Sam’s chin just in time, rubbing his back with his free hand. Sam began to vomit, not even caring he was in a public place, and Dean realised Mary was still there.

“Thanks mom; I got it from here.”

Mary disagreed, waiting until Sam had a decent spell to usher both of her sons into Sam’s bedroom. Sam lay out on the bed almost instinctively, but when Mary went to pull his covers up Dean stopped her, raising an eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you-“

“-and why not?” Mary asked with confusion clear in her tone as she pulled the blankets up anyway. Almost immediately Sam began thrashing around, begging to be let out. The bowl from earlier teetered on the edge of the bedside table and Dean grabbed it, removing it from the situation to eliminate the chance of having to clean that up later. He ripped the blankets off Sam, going into comforting older brother mode. He glanced back at Mary with the infamous I told you so look before his focus went back to Sam. Mary blushed, staring at her feet.

Neither of her sons noticed when she left the room.

  Finally Sam was asleep, curled on to his side in an effort to protect his tender, upset stomach. Dean stood from his spot at the end of the bed, leaving the bowl and a bottle of water for when Sam woke up; just in case. He didn’t bother to feel for the fever he could already tell was very present. Even as a child and through his teenage years, if Sam was really sick then a fever would burn through his entire body; this time was no different. Dean took one last look at his brother then left the room, closing the door just enough that Sam had privacy from the other hunters milling about, but not too much so he could hear if Sam called for him.

  In the kitchen, Mary was stirring a small pot, a smile on her face when she realised Dean was there. He took a seat at the table, groaning with his head falling into his hands.

“The last thing Sammy needs is to get this sick.”

“He hasn’t been sleeping well, honey; you know what Sam’s like when he’s got a bee in his bonnet.”

“And you know this, do you?” Dean snapped. The room fell silent, before he sighed.

“Sorry, mom; that was totally uncalled for. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s okay Dean; you’re just worried about Sam and I understand that.”

Dean hummed, straightening in his seat.

“Whatcha makin’ anyway?”

“Oatmeal. Is that okay for Sam?”

“No… but hey, I’ll eat it.”

Defeat was clear on Mary’s face as she served the oatmeal into a bowl, sliding it over to Dean with the honey and a spoon. He dug in, starving as he hadn’t managed to fill his guts before Sam had spilled his earlier. He looked up about halfway through the bowl to thank his mom but Mary had disappeared. A frown crossed Dean’s features for a split second before he recovered, remembering the mouthful he’d apparently forgotten to swallow.

  “Dean.”

Cas appeared and Dean jumped slightly from where he’d been looking on his phone, glaring at his friend.

“Cas, what-“

“-it’s Sam. He’s awake, and Mary is on her way to check on him. I know you’re not sure that she can care for him so I thought you should know.”

“Thanks Cas. Where’s Jack?”

“Jack is in his room, testing to see how many push-ups he can do before we have to hear Sam getting sick again.”

Dean couldn’t help it as he laughed, running a hand over his face.

“Right. Okay, well I can tell you if Jack really wants to beat his high score he’s gonna have to be quick; Sam only sleeps until he’s ready to hurl or bawl his eyes out.”

With that Dean stood, heading down the hallway.

  “Breathe, honey… you’ve got it bad, I’m sorry you’re so sick…”

“M-mom… I need… where’s Dean?”

Mary frowned as she pressed a hand to the back of Sam’s neck, feeling for his fever. She held for a moment, listening as he dry heaved over the bowl. Dean magically appeared and his entire face fell into a sympathetic look for his brother. He took the sick bowl from Sam’s lap, covering his shoulders with a light blanket to avoid more thrashing around. Dean worked quickly; he calmed Sam, got him watching tv quietly and cleaned the bowl out, placing it back on the nightstand. When he was done he collapsed on to the end of Sam’s bed, ruffling his brother’s messy hair.

“I gotcha Sammy, just get some sleep.”

  “Dean? Can I ask you something?”

Dean put down his notebook, tossing it beside him on his bed when he heard Mary’s voice at his bedroom door. She entered and took a seat at Dean’s desk, nervously shifting.

“Dean, I know this is personal to ask but Sam… does Sam… does Sam not trust me? Does he hate me?”

“No, mom! He doesn’t hate you, what the hell made you think that?”

Dean also pushed the laptop to the side, focusing on what Mary was saying. She frowned, running a hand through her shorter blonde hair.

“Every time I try to help him, protect him, mother him he just pushes me away, or he asks for you. Dean it’s all my fault, I left and I couldn’t be there for you boys-“

“-mom… Sam’s just, y’know, he’s kinda sick at the moment. Whatever he says or does don’t take it personally.”

“It’s not just now, Dean. It’s when we’re hunting, when he has a cut, when he’s got a concussion… I want to help, and I try, but he doesn’t want my help.”

Mary’s eyes were damp with tears and Dean frowned, running a hand through his cropped hair to try and figure out what to say.

“Sam… well, both of us actually, we had it rough growin’ up. We told you most of it, but dad- dad wasn’t exactly sympathetic. He was out to run an army of hunters, not raise two sons. When Sam got sick or he got tired and tried to time out dad was hard on him; sometimes he’d smack his ass red raw, sometimes he’d make Sam clean all the guns. Don’t get me wrong, I got my full share of it too, but Sam… he’s sensitive, and well… when you break his trust it can be hard for you to get it back. He was fifteen or somethin’ when he started shutting dad out, therefore pushing me away too. He’d still come on hunts, still get the job done, but he also put his head down into his studies. Shutting me and dad out meant he had to care for himself. It took me years to get him to let me be in the same room as him when he was vulnerable.”

“I just feel so useless, Dean, he’s just-“

“-mom. He’s just Sam. I had to re-earn his trust after all the shit we’ve done to each other over the years, and I imagine he learned his lesson years ago about letting people in quickly.”

Dean sent his mother a small smile, Mary returning the gesture. She sighed, her shoulders slumping.

“I just want to help him, Dean. The more I see you and him together though, how well trained you are in having each other’s backs. Maybe- maybe I should go and see the world, see what it has to offer.”

Dean gaped, jaw almost hitting the floor.

“Mom, I lost you once. Once was enough, I’m not losing you again. We still need you, it’s not obvious but we do- fuck, I need you. Please don’t go.”

Dean’s voice broke in a moment of vulnerability but he cleared his throat, hiding the sniffing he did to stop tears.

“Sam, he- uh, well… he always asks for tea when he’s sick, like the leaves instead of the tea bags? Maybe you could make a pot of peppermint or whatever and just sit with him. You don’t have to always be talking to bond; it’s a start on his trust.”

Dean stopped talking when he heard Sam yelling for him and bristled, before he got off the bed.

“C’mon; he probably just wants company.”

Dean was wrong.

  “Sam- oh shit, Sammy hey.”

Dean took the half full bowl from Sam, holding his shirt.

“I gotcha dude, I gotcha.”

Samm hiccupped once, swallowing a burp as he paled further. Dean shoved the bowl back under his chin just in time, praying he was just dry heaving. Sam was already very, very sick so he didn’t want to add a tear in the stomach lining to the list.

“Sam, honey, hey.”

Dean froze when he heard Mary’s voice, but was pleasantly surprised when he realised Mary had a hair tie and a cold, wrung-out washcloth. She quickly tied his long hair back, then pulled the top of his shirt down just enough she could rest the cloth on the back of his neck. Sam moaned quietly in relief, sitting back as the nausea finally began to relent. When Mary took him by the shoulder he let his body tiredly curl up against her, feeling his mom kiss his forehead. She glanced up at Dean, whose jaw was dropped.

“Where did you- how did you- wow. The cold washcloth thing? He loves that.”

“Lucky guess; some people call it mother’s instinct. He’d freak out if I put it on his forehead, so I decided his neck was second best.”

She shifted to let Sam lie down properly, both Dean and Mary watching as San rolled on to his side to face away from them. The two awake Winchesters sighed fondly.

“You’re just like your father, Dean, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. You’re rough around the edges but a softie inside; don’t give me that look! But Sam, Sam’s quieter, shyer and he’s gentle. He cares for everyone even when he doesn’t receive that care back. Sam isn’t a Winchester; he’s a Campbell, mainly my mother.”

Mary got off the bed, taking the bowl from Dean.

“I see a lot of your grandmother in Sam.”

A fond look crossed her face, before she gave Dean a squeeze on the chin. As she left Sam’s room she called to her eldest.

“Make sure you wash your hands, Dean; don’t want you getting whatever your brother’s got.”

  Dean woke with a start in the dead of the night, sitting bolt upright in bed. His chest was heaving but he wasn’t panicking, and he reached for his phone to check the time. The glowing numbers told him it was four am. Why was he awake at four am? He hadn’t been dreaming- Cas could detect if he was having a nightmare no matter the distance between them and was always there to soothe Dean.

With a sigh Dean picked up his dead guy robe and left his room; if he was awake, he could check on Sam.

  The door to Sam’s room was closed when Dean wandered there, and he lifted his fist to carefully knock. When he got no response he twisted the doorknob, pushing the door open a crack. The room was completely dark and Dean frowned. He stepped inside and located Sam’s bed in the darkness, surprised his feet weren’t hanging out like usual. As he stumbled toward the bed he realised just how much he’d lost his touch since moving into the bunker; as a teenager and even in his young adulthood he’d been a pro at sneaking around Sam. He felt a little weight release from his shoulders as he got close and heard nasally snores coming from somewhere in the bed; Sam was still asleep. Dean felt bad for doing it, considering his hands were probably cold but he knelt down anyway, placing a hand against Sam’s forehead that was clammy with sweat.

“Shit Sammy, you’re burnin’ up again.”

Dean left his brother to get to the light switch, turning on the main overhead light. To Dean’s surprise Sam didn’t even shift to cover his eyes; he just carried on snoring, completely oblivious to the change in the room.

That was when Dean knew he was in trouble.

  “Cas! Get your feathery ass here right now, it’s Sam! Castiel!”

Dean banged multiple times on Cas’ bedroom door, leaning his head against it when he didn’t get a response.

“Dean? Honey what’s wrong, is Sam okay?”

Mary appeared from her room just across the hallway, robe wrapped around her tightly in a similar way to Dean’s five minutes ago. Dean turned to her, eyes burning with worry.

“Sam’s- Sammy, he’s burnin’ up again but this time it’s worse, and I need Cas’ help to cool him down and fast. Sam and a fever… it’s never a good mix.”

“Dean, Cas isn’t here right now. I can help, though.”

“-what the hell- where the hell- you mean he’s not here? Cas is always-“

“-he took Jack on a quick salt’n’burn. Lower your voice Dean, there are other hunters trying to sleep.”

That did it for Dean, who frowned.

“Shit. Okay, c’mon. We gotta move fast.”

Mary followed Dean back down the hallway toward Sam’s room, her heart racing in her chest. Dean wasn’t like this when he wasn’t worried.

  Dean opened Sam’s door and his eyes widened in alarm, yelling for his brother.

“Sam!”

Mary pushed in to see what was going on, stopping dead when she saw her son. Sam was seizing, and it was a bad one by the looks of it.

  Dean was frozen in place, mouth opening and closing multiple times. He was stuck in that one place, unable to say or do anything, so Mary stepped up. If she was going to mother mode at any time, now would be a good idea.

“Dean go get all the ice packs in the freezer and a bucket of ice water. Mostly ice though, his fever is causing him to shut down from the inside out.”

Dean disappeared and Mary focused on Sam. Time to help him out.

  When Dean returned, laden down by ice packs and the water, he quickly got to work. Mary was standing by Sam’s head, using a cloth to wipe his forehead from sweat. He’d stopped seizing, thankfully, and when Dean approached Mary let him climb on to the bed, putting a hand to Sam’s forehead.

“He’s still on fire,” he murmured. Mary hummed, handing Dean a couple of the ice packs.

“Put them under his arms and on his neck, but make sure it’s not direct contact on his skin; that’ll burn him.”

Dean did as directed and Mary rested a couple on top of Sam’s shirt on his stomach. After a minute or so Sam began to stir and as he opened his eyes his face crumbled into a frown with a deep swallow. He paled and turned his head to the side as vomit dribbled out. Dean grabbed the wash cloth off Sam’s forehead to catch the puke, surprised when Sam pushed against him.

“De-De- Dean…”

“Hey man, just relax. Me and mom gotcha, focus on breathing. You gonna be sick again?”

Sam nodded and Dean helped him to sit up just enough for his upper half to be upright. Mary held the bucket out and Dean placed it on Sam’s lap, earning a deep, low groan from the younger Winchester. His stomach rumbled and he gagged, using Dean as leverage to stop himself falling over.

“Dean… oh my god, this hurts so bad.”

“I know Sammy, I know. You just do what you need to do, I’m right here. I gotcha.”

The puke went from spits to actual vomiting and Mary took Sam by his other shoulder to steady him, massaging her thumb against the muscle. Sam gagged, bringing up another mouthful. He pursed his lips, retching in the back of his throat but trying to hold it in. Dean sighed.

“C’mon man, let it out. It’s better in the long run.”

“M’done, really.”

“Sure about that?”

Dean sent Sam a sceptical look, but Sam just nodded. Mary took the bucket from him, about to leave when Sam snatched it from her, burying his head as more came out. Dean hovered over his brother, eyebrow raised.

“Holy shit Sammy, how the hell do you still have that much left in you?”

  Dean had almost forgotten how much Sam craved touch when he was sick- not sexual touch, or romantic touch, but a hand to rub his back, a chest to rest on when he’d just about had enough. For a while it had been Jess, then no one because he and Dean weren’t on good enough terms for years. Now Dean completely accepted it, reminded of the last time Sam had been so clingy. He could remember it so vividly, as though it was yesterday; Sam was suffering from a migraine and even Aspirin wasn’t doing anything so Dean had sent John on a salt’n’burn to distract him, sitting beside Sam on his bed only for a moment before Sam rested his head on Dean’s shoulder and fell asleep.

Sam probably wouldn’t, but it was engraved into Dean’s mind forever. Now Sam had his head on his brother’s thigh, snoring, and Dean wouldn’t have it any other way.

  The eldest Winchester snapped out of it when he heard his mother’s voice talking to him, blinking to focus. Mary’s face appeared in his line of vision, holding his shoulders. Dean swallowed and blinked, just as sound came flooding in.

“-Sam’s going to be okay Dean, he’s sleeping right now and that’s a good thing.”

“-Sammy… he’s… his-the fever- it’s…”

“-I know it’s high Dean but we can work on getting it down. Sam’s really sick.”

Dean shook his head, holding his hand on the back of Sam’s neck. He checked his forehead too just to be sure, but when he got the same answer he let out a breath.

“It’s broken- the fever, it- it broke.”

Mary’s face showed pure relief as her shoulders relaxed and she pressed a kiss to Dean’s temple, gently brushing a hand through Sam’s hair.

  That night Dean was in the library, reading up on a case he’d heard about through other hunters when he heard footsteps. Figuring it was his mom, or Cas and Jack getting back he focused back on the article he was reading, only for a hand to be clap on his shoulder. He froze; only one person could do that and get away with it.

“Sammy? What the hell are you doing out of bed already?”

He spun, surprised when he took in his little (big) brother. Other than his messy bed hair and pale face, Sam was back to his usual self. Even his smile looked more on the normal side and Dean scoffed.

“Well look at you Sammy. Sit down man; don’t wanna jinx it or something.”

Sam took a seat beside Dean but he glanced around the room, frowning.

“Where’s mom? I heard her coming in and out of my room but I haven’t seen her since she came to take my sheets away.”

“Doin’ laundry. All three of us could do with some fresh clothes after your barf-fest. That and you- uh, you… wet yourself… during your- y’know-“

“-my seizure? Dean I’ve had seizures before. You can talk about it.”

Dean just sighed, and reached to hug his brother. Sam did that weird thing where he rested his head on top of Dean’s (he’s a tall boi), and Dean ruffled his hair further.

“Just glad to see you up and talkin’.”

  “Mom?”

Mary jumped just as Dean had when she heard Sam’s voice, spinning on her heel to see him. She took in her son, his body that seemed to be healing and not sagging, and the fact he wasn’t puking all over the place. She smiled, and Sam sent her a confused look.

“Mom? You… okay?”

“Oh! Yes, yeah. I’m good. Sorry, I should be asking you that. How you feelin’ honey?”

“I’m good. Tired mainly. I haven’t barfed in hours though so I guess that’s a positive.”

Mary put down the sheets she’d been about to toss in the dryer to feel Sam’s forehead. His fever had stayed broken, and she helped him straighten when she was satisfied.

“Go back to bed Sam, you could do with some sleep.”

Sam chuckled, running a hand through his hair. He went to leave, halfway to the door, when he stopped and faced his mother.

“Thanks for the last couple days, mom. Dean- Dean would never admit it ‘cos he’s an ass, but he needed your help and you stepped up. He- he kind of gets nervous when I get sick, so… thanks.”

Mary sent Sam a smile that was so warm and motherly that it warmed him from the inside out.

“I had an excuse to mother you and Dean; I don’t get those moments very often so I take every chance I get.”

[ill-skillsgard]

Damn Straight, Part 1 - Bill Skarsgård

Title: Damn Straight

Description: Past deceptions bring a young couple to Mirth Island, a place of natural beauty and the promise of inner healing. When one of them is introduced to a young man who lives on the island, their budding friendship threatens to destroy more than just fragile trust. Warning: 18+ sex/swearing/drug use/mentions of addiction and cheating

A/N: Here is the first part of my least popular Bill fic. I found this story particularly easy to write and it was definitely one of my favourite stories. I hope you enjoy it! There will be no author’s notes from here on out

She was doing the dishes and humming a tune that she always hummed whenever she got lost in her task at hand. I was sitting at the kitchen table with my laptop open, reading over a line of text that didn't come across to me quite right. With the kitchen sink running and her voice echoing through the kitchen, my logic and my patience got into a fist fight inside my head. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with the sentence and even if I wanted to, the house was full of distractions. I knew I could just put on my headset and listen to some calming music but I couldn't be bothered to get up from my chair. When the water stopped running I heard her footsteps padding all over the wood floor, cupboards opening and closing and the clinking of ceramic. She was putting the dry dishes away. Even that nudged my thought process further away from productivity. It wasn't her fault but I was about ready to take my work into the bedroom just to get some quiet. "So Vye, I was talking to Kat and she said she knows this amazing doctor who helped treat her mom's friend gambling addiction, pro bono. Maybe we could get her contact information and see about-" "No." I interrupted. Cici peered at me from the doorway leading into the kitchen, my coffee mug upside down in her grip. She stared at me with this haunted look of disappointment. I tried not to entertain it and kept my attention on my work. I heard the boards of the floor creak as she went back into the kitchen. It was quiet until she shrieked, her cry followed by the sound of something smashing violently against something else. I shot up from the table and ran into the kitchen to find her, a crumpled mess on the floor and shards of my favourite mug all over the ground. "Cici, what the fuck!?" I yelled. "My dad gave me that cup!" "What is your FUCKING deal!?" She cried hysterically at me, tears pouring down her flaming red cheeks. "What is YOUR fucking deal? You just broke my dad's cup! I don't have hardly a thing that belonged to him and you just fucking-" "Your dad this and your dad that! Yes, Vye, we all know your fucking dad is dead and about your daddy issues and how you're so fucked up about it but what about ME!? What about what YOU did to ME? You don't even seem to give a flying fuck about ME anymore! You don't even want to get fucking help because you don't give a shit about anything! Especially not me!" She slumped over and cried harder. I watched with wide eyes as she twisted her hands in her lap. The scars on her arms peeked out from underneath the gray cotton material of her college pullover. Her sobs filled the room and I suddenly forgot all about the cheap brown ceramic mug that I had inherited from my dad. "Cici... Jesus Christ. I'm sorry, okay?" "No, you're not." She whined, using her sleeve to wipe at her dribbling nose. "Yes, I am, goddamn it. Don't tell me how I feel. I hate it when you do that. I'm saying sorry because I am sorry." "If you were sorry you would be open to getting help. You would want to fix yourself." She said. I inhaled and exhaled deeply, feeling my heart rate start to climb down. I knelt down next to her, careful not to step on any shards of the broken cup. With my arm around her, she melted back into my chest, no doubt enjoying the feeling of closeness. It was no mystery that I felt an immeasurable amount of remorse for her and what had happened but she still liked to find ways to utilize that against me. Lately, she had been spreading it quite thin to cover her ass when she had these insane freak-outs and there was hardly a thing I could do about it. Nothing I did was right in her eyes. Nothing I did would convince her that I didn't hate her. In reality, I was suffocating in silence. I had an immense workload and Cici yapping at me like an untrained puppy for attention all the while I had a ghost looming over me that liked to whisper awful things in my ears at all hours of the day. It kept me up at night and tired me out during the day. She refused to acknowledge that I was underneath just as much, if not more stress than her. But that was the thing about Cici. She was the Queen of drama. Ever since we were young she liked to be the center of it all. If some kid got hurt on the playground and began to cry, Cici got hurt even worse and started to scream to make sure all eyes were on her and it worked the majority of the time. It was hard to ignore a screaming blond-haired blue-eyed girl. She knew how to work a crowd. The day she took it took it too far was a landmark in my world. I didn't think she had it in her to pull the ultimate distraction stunt but she did and she made me rue that day for now and forever. She liked to throw it in my face constantly like a net, making sure I was still entangled in my guilt, solidifying my never-ending debt to her. She continued to cry and I rocked her a little, shushing her and wrapping her up in my arms to help her calm down. "Okay... I'll start looking for help. I'll do some research on what support groups are available." She whipped around and looked at me, smiling through her tears. "Really?" "Yes. I will. " I replied. "Can I ask Kat about couples therapy?" "Maybe... You know I hate therapists." "Vye..." She whined again. "Okay, okay. Ask Kat. But I would really rather go to an open group or something." Cici's sadness turned into pure elation and she got up off her butt and threw her arms around me, only pulling back to plant a hard kiss on me, wetting me with her tear-stained cheeks. "Thank you Vye." Dejected, defeated once more and already regretting what I had agreed to, I hugged her back with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. ~*~ I opted to work from home on Friday. I woke up feeling weak, heavy and unwilling to get myself into the shower. I called my boss and told him that I couldn't make it in and luckily, he didn't seem to mind. I wasn't sure if it was because he felt bad for me or if he was just too busy with other things to care if I was present or not. I changed into a clean pair of underwear and socks but put on the same pajama pants and sweater that I had been wearing for the last two days. To say I didn't care about my appearance would be an understatement. Opening my laptop from the comfort of my bed, I began to work on my latest project. I figured if I could bang out six thousand words by lunch that would be a good enough accomplishment to allow myself to maybe leave the house to go get something to treat myself with. Maybe a cupcake from the cafe up the street or a sugary latte. Something to congratulate me on getting work done or just continuing to be alive in general. When I left the house I did manage to put on some publicly acceptable clothing. I was most certainly depressed but I still had a small shred of pride and I didn't want anyone I knew spotting me wearing pajamas in public. It was mostly the fear of ridicule that prompted me to do simple things like that. I ordered a double chocolate zucchini muffin and an Americano at the cafe, smiling when the male barista asked for my name. "Vye, like dye but with a V," I said to him, the spiel already a thousand times rehearsed in my head. "Cool... Vye. That's a nice name. What's that short for? Violet?" He asked as he spun a biodegradable paper cup in his massive hand. "Nope. My parents were just those people that gave their kid a one syllable name." I said with a playful shrug and a smirk. "Awesome." When I got my coffee it said 'Vie' on the side of the cup. Whatever. Nothing new there. I smiled at the guy again and took my cup to the table I had set up camp at. I pulled my hood over my head, opened my laptop, inserted some earbuds and started working away, periodically stopping to rip off a chunk of my muffin or to sip my coffee. It was nice just to be left alone and before I knew it, I had spent two hours in the cafe clicking away on my laptop like a mad woman. Satisfied with my word count, I decided that was all the work I needed to do for the day. For once, I actually felt like I had accomplished what I set out to do and that gave me more satisfaction than I had felt in a long time. My mood was elevated and when I got home Cici was already there, fluttering about like a bee, landing delicately on this thing and that, adjusting the placement of her candles, wiping the dust off the bookshelf and rearranging the throw pillows on the sofas. She was humming again and to me, it sounded like a song and not just mindless buzzing. When she saw me smiling she smiled too and tiptoed up to me to place a chaste kiss on my lips. "So I have some very good news for you. Well, it's for both of us, really." She claimed. "Oh yeah? What's that?" I prompted her. "So I talked to Kat..." I felt my heart skip a beat or two. "She said that there is this place that we can both go to, like a couples retreat." I sneered, much to Cici's admonishment. "No, no. It's not like how it sounds. It's this little resort and it's like a community of people that have these kinds of support circles on the beach." "I don't see how chanting 'Kumbaya' with a bunch of strangers would be helpful," I said, wary of what was to come next. She giggled, "Would you just listen? It's not just that. They have workshops for struggling couples, sex therapy, tantric sex practices and gurus. No doctors or anything. It's just a big open place where couples go to find healing and enlightenment." "Enlightenment? Sounds like a place with a lot of Kool-Aid." I tittered. "If you want, we can go talk to Kat to get a referral. I told her about you and us and how you don't want to lay on a couch and talk about your problems. She said this place is like a vacation and it's exclusive and beautiful and... You know, our kind of thing." "Hm... Sounds expensive." "Well, we have been saving a while for a vacation. Maybe this could be it. You do want to get better, don't you? And I want you to get better and this place sounds like a lot of fun." I bit the inside of my cheek, contemplating. "I don't know. I guess let's talk to Kat about it first." "Yay! We have a meeting with her tomorrow." I rolled my eyes. It was already beginning to sound like I had no choice in the matter anyway. When Cici took the reigns, I was forced to just sit back and allow her to run with whatever it was she had her mind set on. I didn't need another violent episode and I didn't want any more broken objects so I agreed to the meeting. Later that night while we were in bed, Cici rolled over and started to pull at me. I knew what that meant. Grimacing in the dark, I acted like I was already asleep. "Vye..." She whispered. I didn't reply so she nudged me even more. "Vye." "Hm?" She didn't say anything. She slipped her hand underneath my shirt and my body tensed up. "Cici, I am beyond tired." Pulling her hand away, she rolled over and huffed in frustration. I opened my eyes and looked over at her underneath the mounds of the blanket. Sighing, I rolled towards her and hooked my arm around her hip, pulling her little frame closer. "Sorry," I whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of her hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. "When will we-" "I told you that I can't. Not for a little while longer." "Fine." I held my breath in anticipation for a bigger retaliation but it didn't come. For that, I was grateful. Fighting in bed was something I dreaded the most and luckily, she was not in the mood to continue. "I can't wait to talk to Kat tomorrow," she said slowly. "Yeah..." ~*~ We sat in Kat's waiting room for a few minutes after we arrived. It was a typical waiting room, lined with chairs and end tables stacked with old issued magazines. There was a bookshelf laden with encyclopedias and granite Komainu bookends that were no doubt brought over from Japan. The whole room had a Japenese-Hindu-Buddhist-theme to it, although Kat was anything but foreign. There was a little bonsai tree on the receptionist's desk and hand-painted pictures of paisleys and oms lining the walls. It was hard not to scoff at the conflict of culture. It was so 'white girl' that I couldn't keep my eyes from constantly rolling to the back of my head. When we entered Kat's office I saw the dreaded chaise lounge that I had been doing everything in my power to avoid. Luckily there were two seats in front of the desk that we could sit on like dignified people. Cici and Kat squealed at each other and hugged, expressing their shared contrition of not having seen each other in so long. I simply shook Kat's hand. We had all gone to the same schools so Kat was already well aware of all the history behind us. There was not a lot to explain but I felt like I was going to be forced to open up about some things that I hadn't quite given a spoken voice to yet. This was what I was trying to not do, the very thing that I hoped to avoid. "So, it goes without saying that you have the right of doctor and patient confidentiality. Whatever is said in this room will not leave these walls." The opening spiel was not as long and drawn out as I thought it would be. I attributed that to the fact that Cici had already been in contact with Kat for weeks prior to the meeting. I wouldn't have been surprised if Kat already knew every little detail of every tiny thing that had happened between us within the last few months. "So, Vye, I'm sure Cici has already told you about the resort. What are your thoughts? Do you have any questions?" I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat, Cici's eyes bored into me with excitement. I was sickened by how much pleasure she was getting from having finally sat me down in front of a doctor. I hated this and she knew it yet she was still practically bursting at the seams. "Yeah, I have questions. What is it? Cici told me some stuff but it sounds a little ambiguous to me." I began. "Well," Kat started, folding her hands in front of her in that proper doctor way. "The resort is called Mirth Island and it is exactly what it sounds like; an island resort for people that are in happy relationships that just want to explore new ways of being together." "Still, sounds pretty vague to me." "Shush," Cici hissed. "Let her talk." Kat smiled at Cici and then looked back at me. "Mirth Island has a lot of beneficial programs for couples that are experiencing troubles in their relationships. There is group counseling available which is just like any other support group except for it's on a beach and there are no judgments. I have a few friends from school that teach there as well." "Teach?" I pressed. "Yes, there are workshops for couples that want to experience a deeper connection. It's like a mixture of sex therapy and sexual education. There are actual practices as well." "Like... Sex practices?" "It's totally optional. Everything available there is completely optional. You are not obligated to attend any circles or sessions. Sometimes couples just go there to be get away and find enjoyment around other like-minded people. It's all very open and honest." "Sounds like a sex cult." "Vye..." Cici said warningly. "No, I'm curious." I stopped her. "Do people like... Fuck each other there? Is it all like open-relationship type people? Like a swingers getaway?" Kat smiled at the both of us. "Not quite. Although I am sure there are couples there that do engage in things like that but like I said, everything and everyone there is very open and accepting. You do not have to engage in anything that you do not want. You can simply go there just to reset the batteries but I do strongly recommend trying some of the circles. They can be very awakening." I sat back in my chair and took it all in. It did sound nice to go to a secluded island where I could relax. Cici seemed to think it was a great idea and if that made her quiet about me going to therapy then maybe it was something to consider. "They also have sex-addiction counseling," Kat not-so-casually brought up. I looked over at Cici who did what she could to avoid my stare. There it was. With that little revelation alone I knew that she had been talking to Kat about more than just my depression. "It's all very safe and loving and non-judgmental, I assure you, Vye. I really do feel like the both of you would benefit greatly from an experience like this." "I'll have to think about it for a little longer," I claimed. "What is there to think about?" Cici chimed immediately. "It's perfect! We have been saving for a vacation and what better way to spend the money than on something that might help the both of us? It sounds amazing to me." "I can write a referral for you two today if you want Vye." Crossing my arms, I sat in silence just to show that I was feeling a little ganged up on. In my mind, I already knew what I wanted but I relished the thought of Cici sitting there in suspense. For once, I had the upper hand and I didn't want to give it away so easily but the way her big blue eyes begged at me made it difficult to keep a straight face. "Fine. All right, I guess we'll go then." She gasped, looking back excitedly from me to Kat and back again. "Yes! Thank you, Kat! I can't wait. Aren't you excited, Vye? I can't wait!"

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Tearing Down Sandcastles Part 3

Summary: Sofia feels stuck in life and has for the better part of two decades. Now she’s nearing her 30th birthday and her luck begins to change when a handsome actor accidentally destroys her niece’s sandcastle. 

Chapter Summary: Sebastian and Sofia get to know each other a little better. Sofia begins to worry about her past with dating.

Warnings: None

          2011.

          That was the last time I had a hangover as bad as the one I woke up with. And I promised myself I would never drink that much again. As my blurred vision began to focus, I realized I yet again disobeyed my past self.

           My head throbbed as I rolled over and saw Sebastian was still out cold next to me. Despite my aching body, my heart fluttered gently.

           His beautiful lips were parted slightly and he was snoring. His hair was messed up and fell over his forehead like soft feathers. There was a small bit of drool on his cheek and it was utterly adorable.

           Still not sure what I should do, I rested back on the pillow and caught his scent lingering on the linen. I sighed softly and tried to ignore my headache.

           That lasted all but two seconds because there was a knock on the door, flaring up the painful beating against my skull.

           “Housekeeping.” Someone called on the other side of the door.

           I blinked blearily and looked at the clock. It was almost noon? Erica was going to be worried sick.

           I groaned and stumbled out of bed. I was wearing one of Sebastian’s t-shirts that he lent me the night before. I searched for my sister’s dress and shoes on the ground where I tossed them the night before.

           The door opened and a young woman, maybe just over twenty, poked her head in. “Oh, sorry, I’ll come back later.” She said politely.

           “No, it’s okay. I was just leaving. I’ll uh…I’ll wake him up.” I decided and walked over to the bed. “Sebastian…”

           “Mhmf, what?” He scrunched up his eyes and reached a hand to his face. “Whattimesit?”

           “Noon,” I answered and found my phone beside his on the nightstand. I checked my messages and sure enough, my sister had called me six times since eight that morning. “C’mon, let’s go get coffee. I have to make sure my sister knows I’m okay.”

           He yawned and sat up. “Fuck, my head is killing me.” He opened his eyes and smiled slightly when he saw me. “You look good in my shirt.” He murmured.

           I blushed. “The housekeeper’s here, why don’t you get ready and we’ll grab lunch in an hour?” I offered.

           “Alright, don’t leave me hanging too long though.” He pouted and gave me puppy eyes.

           My cheeks burned more and I leaned over to kiss him softly. It felt even better when I was sober. It was like kissing an angel. I touched his cheek and pulled away. “Hurry up.” I urged quietly and grabbed my things.

           He chuckled and I heard his sheets rustling as he got up. I thanked the young woman and left the room. On the way back to the suite, I called my sister.

           “Sofia Valdez, you drove me crazy with worry. I was about to call security on you!” My sister yelled at me on the first ring.

           “Calm down.” I sighed. I knew why she was upset but I was older than her, I hated when she acted like our mother.

           “Where are you now?” She ignored my teenage-like response.

           “I’m walking to the room. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

           “Okay, well I’m at the beach with Noah and Adriana.”

           “I’m going to grab lunch then I’ll come to see you guys.” I reached into my purse to pull out the room key.

           “How was your date last night? I assume good.” She sounded a tad annoyed but I was sure it was because of my inability to call her back.

           “It was really good,” I said with a smile on my face. “I probably drank too much though.”

           She gasped and quietly whispered into the phone. “Did he take advantage of you?”

           “No, no, no. I remember everything I wasn’t wasted.” It was laughable to think Sebastian would ever try to take advantage of me. He was too sweet. Maybe I was too naïve. “We didn’t sleep together I just crashed in his room.”

           “Alright…” She sounded a little relieved. “Well, I’m glad it went well. Are you getting lunch with him?”

           “Yeah, is that okay, mother?” I teased as I dug through my suitcase for fresh clothes.

           I could almost hear her roll her eyes. “Sorry for looking out for your best interest.” She replied. “I love you.”

           “I love you too. I’ll see you later.”

=================

           He tilted his head slightly as he rested his cheek on his hand. His eyes locked on mine and I couldn’t seem to look away. I nearly forgot we were sitting in public. It was pretty easy getting lost in those eyes.

           “Alright, tell me more about yourself.” He said and rested his hands on the table.

           I got a little nervous because of the question. Being on an island was more than just a little escape for me. I didn’t have to think about New York and who I really was. Those loud, obnoxious streets always reminded me that I was still smack dab in the middle of my brick wall of a future.

           “I uh…what do you want to know?” I decided I didn’t need to explicitly tell him anything he didn’t ask about. If we ended up being something more,

           “What do you do in your free time I guess?” He shrugged. “What do you like, what don’t you like, what are your passions, what makes you smile?”

           “Well, I’ve always been an animal person. I love going out for walks and meeting all the different dogs in the park. I want to get my own dog but they take a lot of time, which I have none of at the moment.”

           “New York’s not an easy place to live sometimes.” He agreed. “It’s expensive.”

           “Very expensive.” I bit my lip. “I’m not super high end or whatever. I enjoy simple things. I have a flower box outside my window and I like to watch the bees fly around in the summer.” I felt my face heating up as I realized how stupid I must’ve sounded.

           He smiled warmly. “You’re adorable.” He murmured.

           I laughed and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “I know it’s sort of dumb.”

           “No, I feel like that’s what people lack in this day and age. We’re always on our phones and shit but don’t appreciate the simple stuff. I’m probably the worst at doing something like that.” He admitted.

           I tentatively touched my fingertips to his. “Isn’t it strange how when we were growing up, when all this technology wasn’t around, we could entertain ourselves for hours? I mean if I’m in line for a coffee and it takes longer than two minutes I have to pull my phone out. It’s crazy.”

           “Definitely an addiction.” He slipped one hand under mine and held it gently. His thumb brushed over my knuckles. “Vacations help me unplug though. I feel like I’m an idiot if I don’t take in the views.”

           “You weren’t looking where you were going when you destroyed the first edition of Castle Adriana.”

           He laughed and shook his head. “I wasn’t, I was talking to some friends.”

           “You’re here with friends?” I looked surprised. “I didn’t know that.”

           “Just a few, we wanted to get out of the famous New York winter weather.”

           I wasn’t sure whether to feel guilty for happy that he’d ditched his friends for me. “You should be spending time with them, not me. I mean this is your vacation…”

           “Honestly, I spend enough time with them at home. That’s no problem. I’m pretty sure you were a good enough reason to leave them on their own for the night.”

           I guess it was true that I only took him away for a night. It felt much longer than that though. In a strange way, it felt like I knew Sebastian as if he were a long time friend. I wasn’t sure he felt the same way but he seemed comfortable around me. I didn’t feel uncomfortable around him, but I did feel uneasiness in the back of my mind. It had nothing to do with him; it had everything to do with me. I knew my track record when it came to dating. I was a professional at falling for a guy, realizing he deserved better than a damaged person like me, get cold feet, and back out of the relationship without explaining the real reason. It made me feel like a cold heartless bitch but I figured it was better to cut them loose before they got to experience one of my panic attacks or depressive mornings. I didn’t want to do that to Sebastian. But I felt too far gone as I looked at his genuine, warm smile. If I walked away now without an explanation I’d hurt him. If I walked away later in the relationship, I’d hurt him. That meant I had to tell him what he could be facing if he really wanted to spend more time with me. I could only hope he had some sense to him and walked away. It would hurt me, but a guy like Sebastian deserved better.

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