#I wish I could have blended myself into the background more

[narcan-necromancer]

[hxney-lemcn]

Looking Out For You — Giyū Tomioka x gn! hashira! reader

summary: your decision to befriend the reclusive water hashira turns your life around for the better.

tw: anxious and insecure reader, awkward convos, non-descriptive injuries, mentions of getting stitches.

a/n: I finally wrote for Kimetsu no Yaiba, been a fan of this when there was only one season of the show (read the entire manga as it got updated).

wc: 6k

Master List

It was no secret that the water hashira was a loner. He stuck to himself and blended into the background. At first you were neutral towards him, you were similar in a sense. Kept to yourself and tried to blend into the background. The big difference is that not only were you friends with the love hashira, but you had managed to endear yourself towards some of the others. You weren’t sure how you did it, but it was nice to know that they cared. For Giyū Tomioka, it was the complete opposite. 

You could only hear insults towards the man for so long. A part of you related to him, and hearing Kochō be so passive aggressive towards him made you feel unsettled. So you made up your mind, you were going to try and befriend Tomioka. You had been completely alone before, and you had wished for someone to befriend you, so you were sure he was longing for the same. 

You had told Mitsuri of your plan as you both walked towards the Ubuyashiki Estate. You all had been called for a brief. These were rare, but it was nice to see how your fellow hashira’s were, and also a perfect excuse to try and talk to the water hashira. Mitsuri was nearly jumping up and down at the information, an excited grin overtaking her features. 

“That’s so cute!” She squealed, clasping her hands together. “You have to tell me how it goes.”

“I already feel like I’m going to fail,” You said, slightly sweating at the thought. “Last time I tried to make a friend it ended up really awkward because I never know what to say.”

“Hm,” She hummed in thought. “Just try and find a connection.”

You purse your lips, “That’s easier said than done.”

It wasn’t much longer before you found yourself sitting next to the stoic man. Ubuyashiki was going over statistics, how we could improve and how well we’ve been doing. I felt myself getting more anxious by the second. After the meeting I would try and at least say hi, but I was wondering if that was a good idea. Seconds ticked by while you had basically toned out Ubuyashiki’s smooth voice, fingers fidgeting in your lap. Once you were all excused, you hyped yourself up, looking over to the black haired man.

 “Hello!” You said a little too loudly, a nervous smile adorned your lips as  you gained Tomioka’s attention. 

His blank stare watched you for a few seconds before replying, “Excuse me.”

Then he left. 

…just like that. You blinked, mouth dropping in slight awe at just how fast he managed to escape. You had spent so long going over situations and anxious thoughts…only for him to barely acknowledge you. 

You didn’t even realize Mitsuri joined you until she spoke up, “Maybe next time?”

You turned your attention to the green eyed beauty, a pout adorning your lips, “He didn’t even say hi back.”

“Ara ara~” Kochō joined us, an empty smile placed on her lips. “I’m afraid it’s a lost cause.”

Your playful pout had turned into a frown, your feelings towards the insect pillar were mixed. She was blunt, which would be nice at times, but others it could be harsh. “Oh well,” You shrugged. “At least I’ll be able to say I tried.”

You had accidently ran into Tomioka only a few days later. You were walking back to your estate, exhausted after a long mission. It was more tedious than difficult, as the walking had been longer than the fight by far. You couldn’t believe your eyes when they landed on the split patterned haori. Before your anxiety could get the best of you, you approached him.

“Hello!” You waved, this time not shouting. “How are you doing Tomioka-san?”

Once again his stoic features watched you briefly, like he was trying to gauge your intentions, “I’m doing fine.”

Yes! He couldn’t run away like last time, you’ll make sure of it.

“How old are you?” You asked, genuinely curious. He looked both young and old in a sense, and you were curious where you stood compared to your ages.

Another awkward pause as you both stood on the trail, Tomioka finally answered, “Ninteen.”

Your mouth dropped open, unable to hide your surprise, “Nineteen! I thought you were at least twenty-two!” Tamioka only glanced away awkwardly, and you waved your hands around. “Not that it's a bad thing, I’m only twenty! So we’re really close in age. Besides, Tokitō’s fourteen so nineteen isn’t that bad…sorry I’m rambling.”

Your anxiety started to run rampant, this is the most you had spoken to the water pillar and it was really awkward. You both seemed to be in the same boat as he awkwardly nodded, arms crossed as his eyes couldn’t meet yours. An awkward silence encompassed you both and you felt yourself losing your composure.

“I’m sorry,” You apologized again, feeling your face heat up in embarrassment. “I want to befriend you but I’m very bad at talking to others. Mitsuri-chan recommended finding something we both relate to, but I am unsure how to do that.” You weren’t sure if your mind was playing tricks on you, but you swore Tomioka’s eyes widened slightly, head tilting ever so slightly. He almost reminded you of a puppy. 

“We shouldn’t be friends,” Tomioka’s tone spoke with finality. Your brows furrowed, you could understand him saying that, but the sting of rejection overpowered your thoughts. Normally you’d bow as an apology and scurry away to mull over all the points in which you made yourself look like a fool, but your wish to friend him overpowered that.

“Why not?” You asked, a slight frown pulling on your lips. 

Tomioka opened his mouth only to close it, eyebrows furrowing in thought. Finally, he replied, “I don’t want to be friends with you.”

You nodded, the sting of rejection spreading. You felt your face flush in embarrassment as you bowed, “I apologize, I wish you well Tomioka-san.”

You quickly turned around, rushing towards your estate, shame and embarrassment continuing to flood through you. You had quickly written a letter to Mitsuri, venting about how embarrassed you were. You had been sent on another mission shortly after, allowing you to forget about your embarrassing fiasco, at least for a brief moment. You were nearly back to normal, your restless nights finally ceasing as the memory started to fade to the back of your mind. Until it was violently forced back to the forefront.

You had found yourself resting in the same wisteria house as Giyū Tomioka. You both sat in silence, eating your food without acknowledging the other. It felt wrong, like you should say something, but those words he spoke rang in your head, holding you back, ‘I don’t want to be friends with you.’ 

You hate to admit it, but that simple sentence had brung back insecurities you thought you had overcome. You didn’t blame him, not at all. It wasn’t Tomioka’s fault that you had seemed to crumble due to one person's seemingly unapproval of you. You ate with your head bowed, hoping that you weren’t annoying him in any way. Was it the way you looked? The way you talked? Had you rambled too much in your nervousness? Did your mere aura annoy him? If so, you felt even more guilty for making him sit in your presence. 

Tomioka on the other hand hadn’t noticed your inner dilemma. Although he did find you seeming to shrink in on yourself further and further unusual, he wasn’t sure what your normal was. You hadn’t seemed to act like this around the other hashira’s, he only saw glimpses of you. If he were to be honest, he had seen the way you interacted with Mitsuri, so lively and happy. He wished he could experience that side of you, but he knew he had ruined any chance already. ‘I don’t want to be friends with you,’ those words haunted him. It was a lie, he did in fact want to be friends with you, but you were better off without him. He would only manage to drag you down.

“Are you finished?” Tomioka asked. You hadn’t even realized you had stopped eating. Looking up at him for the first time, you stared at him with wide eyes.

“Oh! Uh, yeah,” You stumbled. “Here, I can clean up.” Moving faster than he could protest, you had grabbed the empty bowls and started cleaning, not wanting to be a burden. The lady of the house was surprised when you approached her with the dirty dishes, asking where to set them. When she protested you helping her wash them, you begrudgingly made your way back to your shared room for the night. 

“Thank you,” Tomioka spoke up randomly, causing you to glance at him.

“It’s okay,” You shrugged, prepping your futon to your liking. “I like helping.”

It was harder for you to fall asleep than you’d like to admit. You had been running around for the past few days and it seemed that your mind couldn’t settle just yet. You kept your eyes closed, willing yourself to sleep as your body felt exhausted. 

It was even harder for you to fall asleep as Tomioka had murmured into the night, “I wish we could be friends, but this is for the best.”

Great, now you really weren’t going to fall asleep. 

The sun was just starting to shine through the windows, causing you to slowly wake up. You were surprised that you had awoken earlier than Tomioka. He looked so peaceful, the usual tension in his face had been relaxed. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you went to take care of yourself in the bathroom. Your foggy mind slowly remembered the restless night before, how Tomioka had confessed to wanting to be friends with you when he thought you were asleep. Now that you knew that you weren’t the problem/reason, you were going to try even harder to befriend him.

When you returned to the room, you had half expected the room to be empty, but to your delight, Tomioka was still there, having just woken up.

“Good morning,” You smiled sleepily, still feeling sluggish. You tried to ignore how cute he looked as he rubbed his eyes.

“Good morning,” Tomioka replied back softly. 

“Did you sleep well?” You asked, hoping to keep the conversation going. While talking, you made your way to your satchel, making sure everything was in order.

“Yes,” He replied, the sounds of shuffling cloth coming from behind you. Glancing back, you watched as he was about to leave. “Excuse me,” He alerted, sliding the door open and leaving. At first you thought he was leaving completely like the last time, except you noticed his sword was still in the room. 

‘Good,’ You thought. ‘He should at least eat something before leaving.’

The lady of the house knocked on the door before entering, a bright smile on her face. You both chatted briefly as she set up a zataku table, loading some food on top. Tomioka entered the room not long after, glancing at the food but ignoring it. Swallowing the bite of taiyaki, I spoke up, “You should join me! The food’s really good.”

“I’m not hungry,” Tomioka muttered.

You bit your lip, trying to think of how you could get to know him better, “Not even for just a bite of rice?” His deep blue eyes glanced at me, pausing before he grabbed his sword, then his eyes drifted to the food. “I really can’t eat this all by myself,” You said, hoping that would finally entice him. It seemed your persuasive skills were better than you thought (or his loneliness was finally getting the best of him). 

As you both sat at the table, you found yourself rambling about your mission. The awkwardness between the both of you from before had seemed to vanish (on your end at least) as you talked to fill the silence. How the demon’s you were sent to kill had become more challenging, how the treck left you exhausted, how awkward you were around to kakushi. It got to the point of you rambling about this cute Ezo red fox you saw.

Tomioka may be a bit oblivious at times, but he had noticed this drastic change. Just last night you barely let out a peep, and now you were talking about anything and everything. He didn’t mind, no one has talked with him in such a way since…Sabito. It felt very bittersweet for him. He could only ponder on what caused your change, and he hoped that you hadn’t heard his confession last night. Especially since he found his will to be weaker than he’d like to admit. 

…

Misturi was a very good listener. The way she’d dramatically gasp or watch with bated breath. You knew she was hanging on to every word you spoke. When you had finished filling her in on everything that had happened between both you and Tomioka she squealed. 

“You two are so cute!” She smiled brightly, finishing another bowl of pork cutlet.

“More like we’re both awkward,” You mumbled. Picking at your food (still only on your first portion).

“He said he wanted to be your friend!” She pointed at you with her chopsticks. 

“But I’m not sure how to proceed,” You complained. “Do I just keep talking his ear off about random stuff? I feel like that’ll get annoying quickly.”

“Why don’t you get him something?” She asked, sipping some tea. “Maybe that’ll open him a little.”

“Hmm,” You pondered. What would you even get him? “Maybe.”

So you had continued to think about what a reclusive water hashira may like. It didn’t help that you were in the midst of a market. Vendors resided on either side, showing off their wares to entice customers to view their stalls. You took in the sites, yet nothing really caught your eyes. That was until a vendor who was selling omamori. You were surprised to find someone selling these charms outside of a shrine, so you were a bit weary of the product, but they seemed to be made from genuinely good materials.

You perused the items, there were many different colors and intentions. Finally, you picked out a blue omamori that wishes for happiness. You didn’t really think much of it. You did, in fact, wish Tomioka happiness. The rest of your mission went smoothly, and you sent Tomioka a letter upon your arrival. In the time it took for your crow to come back, you had almost forgotten of the invite. You felt yourself waiting anxiously for the time to come, tidying up your estate even more (much to the kakushi’s dismay), making sure you had enough tea and snacks. 

By the time Tomioka had arrived, you already had two cups of tea and a snack platter set out on your engawa. It was a nice warm and bright sunny day, and you might as well enjoy the scenery of the forest that surrounded your estate. You greeted him with a bright smile, coaxing him to sit down. The both of you savored the tea, sipping in silence. It was nice. Normally you’d feel pressured to say something, like you were failing at keeping the other person entertained, but at the moment you felt peaceful. Sharing a warm cup of tea on a nice day with someone you cared about. 

You watched as the sun rays fell down, barely hitting the forest floor. Rabbits hopping about as insects buzzed around. You quite liked your estate, you were grateful for all that Ubuyashiki has given you. It was in a secluded area not too far from a small village. It gave you a space for yourself, but you were still close enough to society that you weren’t a hermit. You enjoyed nature as well, watching animals was one of your favorite hobbies as you discovered silly little behaviors that they would do. Though as a hashira you found yourself having less and less time to yourself. 

“I have something for you,” You finally spoke up. You both had finished a cup of tea and some of the snacks were gone. You turned your gaze to Tomioka, only to meet his ocean blue eyes. You took the omamori out of your pocket and handed it to the water hashira. He hesitated before finally accepting the gift. You bit your lips, trying to suppress the giant grin that threatened to spread across your lips. A light pink dusted across his cheeks as he stared at it. 

“You didn’t have to,” He replied, eyes still on the gift. “...thank you.”

“No biggie,” You waved it off. “I saw it and thought of you.” You didn’t realize what you said until you had said it. Your eyes widened, and Tomioka’s blush seemed to only intensify. Deciding that ignoring the remark was the best option, you started talking about your last mission and the market you had found that charm in. A giddy feeling overwhelmed you as you watched Tomioka pocket the charm, his gaze looking warmer than usual. 

It was safe to say both you and Tomioka were quite close to each other now. You were someone he enjoyed spending time with and you loved being in his presence. The awkwardness that had initially been a part of your relationship fizzled, a warm atmosphere left in its wake. The two of you would spend time over tea, mostly at your estate, but you were proud to say you’ve spent time at his as well. Sometimes you found yourself going on walks on the trails that littered across your property, and you would point out animals you’d observed and little facts you found out about them over the years. Tomioka thought that if demons hadn’t screwed over the world, you’d have made a wonderful researcher.  

The feeling of something slipping into your pocket had put you on edge. Turning your head swiftly to the side, you stared at Tomioka with wide eyes. He stared at you back, eyes wide and cheeks a light pink. He had been caught. He didn’t know what he was expecting, you were a highly skilled hashira, trained to detect the slightest thing off. Slipping your hand into your pocket, you pulled out an omamori. You felt your face flush as it was not only your favorite color, but it was an anti-evil omamori. 

“Thank you, Tomioka-san,” You thanked with a bright smile. You were so busy trying to figure out how to attach the charm to the hilt of your sword, you almost missed Tomioka’s next words.

“Giyū,” He muttered, head turned away from you. You stared at him slightly in confusion until he clarified, “You can call me Giyū.”

“Thank you, Giyū-san,” You clarified, smiling so wide it felt like your cheeks hurt. “You can call me by my first name as well.” He nodded, still not facing your direction. Tugging gently at his haori, you led him to continue your walk along the trail, the day seeming a lot brighter than before. 

…

“Please Giyū-san,” You pleaded, putting on your best puppy dog eyes.

He tried his hardest to not meet your gaze, feeling his resolve slowly crumbling, “I…am busy that day.”

“Pleeeeease,” You drawled out, hands clasped as you jutted out your bottom lip. “I don’t want to be stuck as a third wheel.” He had accidently met your gaze, and he felt himself fold, how could you look so cute? 

“Fine.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” You exclaimed, pulling him into a hug without a second thought, squeezing him tightly to try and express your gratitude. “I love Mitsuri-chan but Iguro-san scares me.” Giyū stood stiff, arms fell limply at his sides. Unsure what to do, he awkwardly patted your back before you pulled away. Your warmth that had seeped into him seemed to vanish and he immediately wished you held him for just a moment longer. 

The dinner had arrived too quickly for his liking. Although he found himself wanting to spend more time with you, and he didn’t mind Kanroji, Iguro had made his distaste of the water hashira clear multiple times. He hasn’t spent time with you in the presence of others, and he was scared that you’d finally come to your senses and sever your ties with him. 

He had arrived at least fifteen minutes early, which was exactly when you arrived as well. Giyū couldn’t help but stare at you in awe as he approached. You stood to the side of the restaurant that you were all to dine in. You wore a simple kimono, but he couldn’t help but find himself astounded. He thought you were ethereal in your uniform and haori, but seeing you in such casual wear had seemed to revise your beauty in another light. 

You, on the other hand, felt blood drain from your face. Giyū had been the next to arrive after you, and he was wearing his uniform. Your brain had become frenzied as you wondered if you had enough time to make it back to your estate and change your clothes. You didn’t want to stand out amongst your friends. 

“Wait, is everyone going to be in their uniform?” You blurted, feeling slightly dizzy at the thought. Giyū, still being stunlocked, seemed oblivious to your turmoil, shrugged. Your shoulders raised as Giyū stood next to you, waiting for the other two to join. Your brain continued to bug you for ten minutes, and only got worse upon notice of their outfits. Both in their uniforms. You felt your face flush in embarrassment, wanting to hide behind the water hashira as Mitsuri and Iguro spotted you both. 

“Hi!” Misturi waved enthusiastically before gasping your name. “Your kimono is so cute!” Unconsciously, you slightly hide yourself behind Giyū, not enjoying all the eyes on you. This is exactly why you didn’t like standing out in a crowd. 

“Thank you,” You muttered, hand grasping gently at Giyū’s haori. Normally, you wouldn’t have such a harsh reaction to being in such a position, but you could feel Iguro’s eyes watching your every move, judging your every decision. But you’d have to endure it, for Mitsuri’s sake. 

Giyū wasn’t faring much better. He hadn’t expected you to become so shy, using him as a shield. It made him feel a bit prideful and protective, you had chosen him even though you had been friends with Kanroji for longer. Though he also felt a bit embarrassed, unsure how to react to such a situation. He had never thought someone he found attractive would look at him, let alone find comfort in him in such a way. 

You all had entered the restaurant, Mitsuri trying not to squeal at the site before her. She had been trying to refrain from mentioning how your relationship with Giyū seemed to be some romantic plot from a novel she’s read. Every detail you shared with her had her blushing in excitement. She had recalled when you told her you didn’t expect to find love in this lifetime. As a demon slayer, you had little freetime, and the fact that you never knew if the day was going to be your last would loom over you until demons were eradicated. So having friends was tough, and a lover even tougher. She couldn’t be more overjoyed by the fact that you had managed to find someone even with the complications. Which led her to this master plan with Obanai, a secret double date (it would be a double date in her heart). A double date where only one person knew of it as such. 

Once you all got in, you found yourself feeling more comfortable. You found yourself in a comfortable conversation with Mitsuri, both your companions silent as they eyed the other up. It was a comical site for anyone who witnessed it. Mitsuri had beat us all in the amount she consumed, a bright smile as she asked for another. The atmosphere was warm in the small restaurant, the night sky shining through the windows. You slightly felt bad for Iguro and Giyū, as they both seemed out of their element, but overall it was a fun night. It almost felt like a date due to the fact Giyū insisted on walking you home. 

It didn’t take long after that night for you to realize your feelings. You were helping two lower ranked demon slayers defeat a demon. At the end of the battle they had checked in on the other, making sure they were both relatively okay before embracing. It had reminded you of how you treated Giyū, and suddenly it all came crashing down on you. You were in love with Giyū Tomioka. The two demon slayers had thanked you, as you weren’t there to help them initially. They were surprised at how kind you were towards them, remarking how they heard all the hashira’s were cold. You quickly waved them off with a slight laugh, explaining how most of you were just trying to get by like the rest of them. 

You had continued to stew on your feelings, unable to think of anything else. Your mind had been so dangerously drifting off, you found yourself injured. Not gravely, thankfully, but enough for you to end up in butterfly manor. 

“It’s rare to find you here,” Kochō commented as she cleaned your wound, causing you to wince. “Is something the matter? Have you finally realized the lack of heart Tomioka has?”

You frowned, unsure if unpacking your feelings to Kochō was the right play. It wasn’t due to Tomioka’s lack of heart, rather how much heart he has. Your eyes drifted to the sword leaned against the wall next to your current bed, the omamori charm dangling tauntingly. 

“No,” You confessed, hands clenching as she cleaned a particularly deep wound. “It’s actually quite the opposite.”

You took slight satisfaction in the surprise Kochō’s eyes held, but her empty smile didn’t waver, “Don’t tell me he’s managed to trick you somehow.”

“No,” You once again simply answered. “It’s all my own doing.” That was true, in a sense. Of course you couldn’t control your own feelings, but it was you who pushed past Giyū’s barriers and managed to sneak your way into his heart, just as he had snuck his way into yours. Though you weren’t sure if he viewed you in such a way, and you didn’t want to push him farther than he could handle. 

Without pause, Kochō took out a suture kit, threading the needle. Your eyes widened in horror. You’ve only needed stitches very few times, and the nausea you felt when a needle was presented never left. Mercifully, Kochō took out a balm and applied it to the skin around your wound. 

Waiting for a few moments to let the balm numb your skin, she spoke up, “Don’t get your hopes too high with him.” It was at that moment that you realized that Kochō was looking out for you…in a passive aggressive way. Although you didn’t exactly like the way she showed this care (by insulting Giyū), you still felt touched that she even cared in the first place. 

“Don’t worry,” You shrugged. “They’re never really high in the first place.” It was that moment she deemed worthy to pierce your skin. 

…

You didn’t need too many stitches thankfully, but even with the numbing the process was excruciating. You were relieved when the bandages were finally applied and Kochō bid you farewell. You were sore all over, waiting for the medicine Kochō made you take to finally kick in. Not only were you sore and tired, but you felt slightly ashamed. You allowed your emotions to overtake you and get injured in battle. You were a hashira, these simple things weren’t meant to let your guard down. 

You had been so absorbed in your thoughts, you hadn’t noticed said water hashira entering your room. Kochō hadn’t been too surprised when she saw him stalking down the hall as she exited your room. With your previous conversation, and the bits Kanroji accidentally let slip, she had pieced together that Tomioka wasn’t all she thought he was. It was hard for her to believe that he would care about someone, but now that she witnessed the terror that shone in his blue eyes, he had even managed to surprise her. 

“They’re resting,” Kochō said, a fake smile lifting the corners of her lips. “Visiting hours aren’t open for them yet.”

Giyū didn’t even pause, continuing his trek to your room. It didn’t matter that his crow had told him you were only mildly injured, or the fact that Kochō left your room (a clear indicator that you were fine), he needed to see that you were okay with his own eyes. He had lost so much already, and he surrendered himself of such attachments, not only because he didn’t deserve it, but because he didn’t want to go through that again. You had managed to brighten his days again, he looked forward to waking up, wondering if he’d get to hear you laugh that day. All the good came crashing down the second he heard of your injured state.

You were both demon slayers, hashira at that, so you were bound to face injury. Yet he couldn’t help but blame himself. For what? Even he wasn’t sure, but he felt like it was due to the fact you were close to him. Karma for being the one to always survive. So when he quietly opened the sliding door, a breath of relief passed his lips as he saw you stare out the window. The sun hit your figure, causing a warm glow to light up your features. The usual smile that was on your face had turned into a frown, eyes distant. He wasn’t sure what to do. He had accomplished his mission, he’s seen you with his own eyes and you’re breathing perfectly fine, although the bandages that littered your face tugged at his heartstrings. 

“Oh, hello,” You spoke softly, snapping Giyū out of his thoughts. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, internally berating himself for asking such a stupid question. Of course you aren’t okay, you're sitting in a hospital bed at butterfly manor.

“I’m fine,” You smiled slightly. “Just some small injuries. Honestly all this pampering is a little too much if you ask me.” That was a slight lie on your part. It was clearly not just small injuries, or you wouldn’t have been taken to butterfly manor. You felt bad for the poor kakushi that had to tend to your injuries enough so you wouldn’t bleed out as they carried you all the way here. 

Giyū also seemed to sense your lie, his blue eyes unwavering from their intense stare. His eyes raked your body, trying to pinpoint all the injuries that littered your body. Fortunately for you, most of the injuries were hidden by your clothes and blanket. With a sigh, you patted the bed, gesturing for him to sit and join you. He did so hesitantly, ending up sitting as close to the edge as he could. You felt your mood lighten at the sight, the seriousness from before slowly dissipating. 

“You can sit closer silly,” You chuckled lightly. He scooted just slightly, and you smiled at him. “Okay so maybe I needed some stitches, but that was the worst of it. Really, I’m fine.”

Giyū’s shoulders slumped, finally he seemed to be able to calm down. You were fine, truly. You were still there, still sitting by him, still smiling at him, still laughing. Your breath hitched at how intense his gaze was. You felt your face flush as he stared at you with utter adoration. You felt your own gaze soften, probably matching his own. 

“It was my own fault,” You muttered, hoping to quell his worries further. “I was distracted, but that won’t happen again.” His eyebrows furrowed, the silent question in his eyes being loud enough for you to understand. Scratching your cheek, you looked away to try and hide your embarrassment. Should you just say it? Get it off your chest? Would he be weirded out? 

“I was thinking about you.”

Now you both were avoiding eye contact, flustered more than you’d like to admit. He hadn’t expected that. What exactly were you thinking? Have you been thinking about him often? It left him feeling warm at the thought. For some odd reason, it made him happy. 

The silence between you both grew, and you felt more anxious the longer it lasted. “Not…not  in a weird way,” You defended weakly, fidgeting with your fingers in your lap. Glancing up at him your eyes widened in wonder as a tiny smile pulled on the edges of his lips, red dusting his cheeks and the tips of his ears. If you could capture this moment, you would in a heartbeat. Deciding that now was your chance, you ripped the bandaid off.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

This time Giyū stared at you in disbelief, and you wondered if you did the wrong thing. But he had smiled earlier! The first smile you had ever seen grace his beautiful features. Perhaps you came to the wrong conclusion. Both of you stared at the other, waiting for the other to make a move. Your heart beat faster and faster the longer he stayed frozen. His entire face and neck was engulfed in a violent shade of red, and you were scared you might’ve broken him. 

“You don’t have to love me back or anything,” The words quickly tumbled passed your lips. “And I understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore. That’s a weird thing to confess to your friend.”

That seemed to snap him back, he looked down at his lap, trying to regain composure. He found it harder and harder to remain stoic in your presence. The emotions he repressed would always flow to the forefront when you were around, and although it could be overwhelming at times, he still welcomed the feelings. Not sure how to convey his feelings properly (he surely didn’t trust his mouth to say the right thing), he scooted a little closer to you. You watched with bated breath, unsure where he stood on your feelings (he really didn’t make it easy to read him either).

“I reciprocate your feelings,” He replied, voice wavering just slightly. You blinked, unsure if you heard him correctly. You weren’t sure what you expected, but such a formal response actually made you feel a bit better. Clearly this was new to both of you and you both weren’t sure how to go about this new territory. But that was fine, because you both could traverse it together.

…

Only a few days later, Mitsuri had managed to visit you. Giyū had refused to leave your side, assisting you with the simplest tasks. You felt bad for the girls who brought you your necessities as Giyū would watch their every move, ensuring you got all that you needed. When Mitsuri entered your room, she hadn’t expected to see the water hashira sitting next to you, let alone so close! Her green eyes took in the scenario, Giyū not meeting her gaze as he felt flustered that he was caught. You smiled brightly at the love hashira, welcoming her into the room.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner,” She apologized. 

“It’s okay,” You waved off her concern. “Giyū-kun has been keeping me company.”

Mitsuri couldn’t hold back her squeal, the two of you clearly have grown closer, dare she say you two have a more intimate relationship. Giyū looked even more flustered, head turned away from the both of you. 

“You have to tell me everything!”

[jadeshifting]

i want to shift tonight but i literally haven’t legitimately tried in years. honestly i just want the freaking accomplishment of TRYING at least

if you could give me the most simple mundane steps to even get close to like a relaxation state or feel any symptoms, that would be literally perfect because im a train wreck and i can’t handle complicated instructions

with love,

aves

MY LOVEEE AVES sorry i didn’t get to this until right now, i’m not sure if our time zones are different but i wish i could’ve helped you last night, when you sent this ask i was drunk and eating a gyro on a sidewalk 😔

i completely understand where you’re coming from !! i feel like i have my nighttime routine pretty down, so i’d be happy to give u my lil routine, BUT a couple disclaimers first:

— you don’t need any routine to shift !! sources like early shifttok kept trying to brainrot everyone into thinking they had to do their skincare, clean their room, do their homework, drink a gallon of water, etc etc etc before bed in order to shift. that’s dumb, ignore everyone who said that

— i totally get what you mean when you say you haven’t legitimately tried in years. i fall victim constantly to the “don’t try at all to avoid the disappointment of ‘failure’”, like if i make no attempt at all, then i didn’t fail at anything when i wake up in my CR in the morning

the way i got past this was by “attempting” every night. and i don’t mean laying there and trying to force myself to stay awake while i counted backwards from 100 or anything like that. i mean deep breathing, loosely (BIG emphasis on loosely) visualizing where i’ll be waking up, and telling myself ‘i’m in my DR.’

the first step to the mindset shift is that ‘attempts’ don’t really exist, only whether or not you’ve fully and truly decided you are in your DR

there’s plenty more i could say on this topic, which is farrrr more important than the night routine itself, but i’ll get into what you actually asked for now:

— DRIFT & SHIFT ( a teensy little night routine for the girlies who have a hard time chilling out )

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔

( your night routine won’t determine whether or not you shift, but it certainly helps if you’re relaxed, and that’s what this routine is for )

DAYTIME PREP .　　. 　 ˚　. throughout your day, do robotic affirmations. it’s a great thing to get in the habit of doing in general—murmuring to yourself, humming, or just silently repeating them to yourself in your head. “I am shifting every second.” “I am a master shifter.” “I am aware of my desired reality.” “Shifting is less than effortless.” feed your subconscious the important stuff all day, not just at night

1 .　　. 　 ˚　. PHONE ON SILENT — the moment you decide to start winding down and focusing on relaxation. i mean it. not even vibrate. SILENT.

2 .　　. 　 ˚　. HOT SHOWER — i always feel my most relaxed when i crawl into bed after taking a burning hot shower. the sigh you let out when you’re squeaky clean and wrapping yourself in your comforter means you’ve reached an entirely new plane of relaxation

3 .　　. 　 ˚　. STRETCHING — you don’t even need a yoga mat, you can do it once you’re already laying down. alternatively, you don’t even have to stretch, just systematically go through each of your body parts and make a point to relax them. regardless of which you do, the objective is to release any physical tension from the day. sink into your bed like you’re being pulled down into a cloud

4 .　　. 　 ˚　. SOUNDTRACK — put on something in the background, it truly doesn’t matter what—whatever feels right. it could be positive frequencies, a subliminal for shifting, ambient sound that connects you to your DR (hogwarts common room ambiance, forest or ocean sounds, etc. i’ve found some real gems on youtube before), or just soft music playing. quiet enough so it doesn’t distract you, and you can sink into it

5 .　　. 　 ˚　. SCENTTRACK — my reasoning for spraying various perfumes, lavender blend sleep sprays, or body mists before i go to sleep isn’t just for relaxation, it’s also for distraction. in my experience, if something in my environment is different when i’m laying down to sleep (a different smell than i’m used to, for example) makes it much easier to convince myself that i’m aware of another reality—which is the name of the game, really: believing it

6 .　　. 　 ˚　. DEEP BREATHS — my favorite part, and the most important part. nothing in the whole world will get you more relaxed than laser-focusing in on your breathing—in, out, in, out. you’re already in your DR

let go of the pressure and let yourself float into that in-between state where dreams and reality start to blur

goodnight, shifter. sweet dreams and even sweeter DRs :^)

.　　. 　 ˚　. this guide is for anyone, but this DISCLAIMER IS FOR AVERY MY DEAR SPECIFICALLY — you get in your head about this sort of thing and overthink it. no tip or trick or routine is the “secret” to shifting. your mindset and your affirmations are the key, here. i hope this guide helps you relax for bed before shifting, but what you should be focusing on is tending to your precious subconscious and its tightly held beliefs. you’ve already shifted 🫶

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

My Yakuza Man (Kenshin)

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors and inaccuracies. Not proofread.

Prologue

A few days had passed since I got involved in an unexpected dispute with the Yakuza.

(I missed the last train again today. I guess I'll walk home.)

(I don't want to get dragged into any more weird fights, so I'll stick to my usual route.)

Mai: "Please, let me get home safely without any incidents!"

Man's voice: "Hah! He really came here alone!"

Mai: "Huh!?"

Just as I wished for this, a rough voice echoed from a nearby alley.

(W-What was that!?)

I nervously distanced myself from the alley, sneaking a glance as I walked past.

There, about five rough-looking men were surrounding a man.

Thug 1: "You seriously think you can beat us five-to-one!?"

Kenshin: "Noisy little pests."

Kenshin: "If you're so confident in your skills, hurry up and come at me."

(Wait! Isn't that…?)

My eyes were glued to the blond-haired man being confronted by the thugs.

(This is bad. I need to get out of here before I get dragged into this again.)

(Okay. Mai, just blend into the background.)

Kenshin: "........."

(Huh?! Did he just look at me?!)

(N-No, it must be my imagination! I have to run!)

Thug 2: "I'll wipe that smug look off your face! Take this!"

The thugs finally lunged at the man.

I tried to flee, but...

(At this rate, he's going to be in serious trouble.)

(He might be strong, but five against one? That's just unfair. There's no way he can handle that.)

Mai: "If that's how it's gonna be!"

With trembling hands, I fumbled with my phone, raised it high, and shouted at the top of my lungs.

Mai: "What do you think you're doing over there!?"

Mai: "I've already called the police!"

Kenshin: "Hah!"

Thugs: "Wha—gah!?"

But in the very next moment, the man kicked off the ground and took down four of the thugs in just a few seconds.

Mai: "W-What!?"

I stood there, dumbfounded by his almost godlike strength.

Thug 3: "Damn it!"

Mai: "!!"

One of the thugs, who narrowly avoided his attack, suddenly turned his eyes to me.

Thug 3: "Hey, woman! Get over here!"

His bloodshot eyes locked onto me as he charged forward.

Before I could even think of escaping, he grabbed me and pinned my arms behind my back.

Mai: "Ugh, ah!?"

Thug 3: "Stop right there! Don't move, or she's done for!"

Frozen in terror, my vision blurred, and my legs felt like they would give out. My shallow breaths echoed in my ears as fear took hold.

The blond-haired man squinted at the thug holding me, his expression filled with disdain.

Kenshin: "Using a woman as a shield? How utterly pathetic."

Kenshin: "Did you really think such a cheap trick would work on me?"

Without glancing at me, the man delivered a sharp roundhouse kick to the thug's side.

Thug 3: "Gah, ugh!?"

The thug, unable to dodge, took the full brunt of the kick.

Mai: "Kyaah!?"

As he lost his balance, I was almost dragged down with him when—

Kenshin: "Hey."

Mai: "Ah!"

The blond-haired man grabbed my arm firmly and pulled me into his embrace.

Kenshin: "Are you hurt?"

Mai: "Uh, um…"

(Did he just save me?)

Kenshin: "Answer me quickly."

Mai: "N-No! I'm fine. Thank you very—kyaah!?"

Before I could finish my sentence, he suddenly let go of me and placed his hand against the concrete wall behind me.

Trapped between him and the wall, my mind spun in confusion.

Kenshin: "Your name is Mai, right?"

Mai: "Huh!? Y-Yes, that's right. And you?"

Kenshin: "Kenshin Uesugi."

Kenshin: "You've interfered in fights twice now. Are you truly reckless, or are you hiding some skill?"

Mai: "S-Skill?"

He asked calmly, but I was too flustered to give a proper response.

Then he leaned in so close that I could almost feel his breath, his sharp eyes glinting with a feral light.

Kenshin: "If you're skilled, then you can be my opponent."

Mai: "O-Opponent!?"

(Is he seriously asking me to fight him!?)

Mai: "No, no, no! That's impossible!"

Mai: "I can't fight! I don't have an ounce of skill for that!"

Kenshin: "I see. So you're just a thoughtless woman."

His piercing gaze shifted, clearly losing interest in me.

(This guy is unbelievably rude!)

Anger bubbled up inside me, but I bit my tongue, afraid of provoking him any further.

Mai: "Thank you for saving me."

Mai: "Well then, I'll be on my way—"

Kenshin: "Who said you could leave?"

Mai: "Kyaah!?"

Desperate to escape as quickly as possible, I tried to pull away from him, but he yanked my arm sharply, causing me to lose my balance.

As I nearly fell backward, my back collided with his chest.

(----!)

A shadow fell over me.

I quickly looked up, and he was gazing down at me with an unreadable expression.

In that proximity, our eyes locked.

Kenshin: "You're coming with me."

Mai: "Why?"

Kenshin: "The Azuchi group showed interest in you recently."

Kenshin: "If I use you, I might get a chance to fight them."

(Wait, does that mean I'm just bait to lure them in?)

As I stood there in shock, he let out a soft laugh.

Kenshin: "Mai. You're already mine."

Kenshin: "Don't even think about trying to escape."

The proximity and his whisper, which almost felt like that of a lover's, felt unsettling.

Mai: "..........."

(This guy's a tyrant.)

The dangerous aura around him, along with his perfectly composed appearance, sent warning bells ringing in my head.

Just then, a rustling sound came from the ground.

Thug 3: "Damn it! There's no way I'm letting you leave unscathed!!"

Mai: "!?"

The thug, who had been knocked down earlier, desperately lunged for my legs.

But just before he could reach me, my body was lifted effortlessly.

Kenshin: "Don't touch what’s mine without permission."

Thug 3: "Gah!"

As he hoisted me onto his shoulder, he kicked the thug away, knocking him unconscious.

Kenshin: "Mai."

Mai: "Yes?"

Kenshin: "If you choose to stay with me, I'll ensure your safety. Just like now."

His words were spoken with absolute confidence in his power.

(I just want to live peacefully, though.)

Despite the overwhelming power he exuded, I couldn’t turn away from him.

And so I found myself captivated by this man, who was like a god of war.

[kozachenko]

(Click the image for better quality)

Yipeeee that Keiki and Mayumi fanart I posted the WIP of is finally done woooo- This piece was a very experimental one that I'm kind of OK on. Maybe because I've just gone insane looking at it for so long and I'm my own worst critic lol.

Artist's Notes;

So I've once again been playing around with my rendering style, mainly because I have been wanting to improve my lighting for a while now and as I was just scrolling through Tumblr, I saw some of the official art for that one webcomic-turned-animated-TV-Show Lackadaisy and was immediately inspired. I also have seen a technique a few times in the past where the lineart and shading are merged together, so I've been meaning to try that for a little while.

I did some experimentation on this one sketch of Keiki I posted in my sketch dump and I really liked the results of it, so I carried those over to this piece.

I ended up scaling up Keiki and Mayumi from the original WIP because I felt like they were both getting lost in the composition, and I'm glad for that because I think it works a lot better. I'm not a fan of how Mayumi's sword turned out at all, but it's not really meant to be the focus of the piece so eh. Overall, I think I could do better with my colours, probably because with Keiki and Mayumi's colours, I did them flat in greyscale and then used a brush on the overlay blend mode to colour all of them over, after which I changed the base layer for their colours from white to yellow and then lowered the opacity so it all went together better. I also decided to use gradient maps for a lot of the background elements, mainly to experiment with getting in my values first to make them pop out more. I ended up finding a really nice sky gradient on Clip Studio Paint that I really liked, and that kinda helped to establish the colour scheme of the background a lot. I think the whole "start in greyscale then colour" thing really works better with painterly styles rather than more illustrative ones, and while it is good at making sure your values are more readable, I honestly don't think I have the skill level to pull that off yet. Honestly, I think I've been looking at this drawing too long or maybe I added too much to it, but I wish I could've made the colours less monochromatic, but I'll just save that for the next piece I do.

I do love how the flame (...well it's more of a weird space rift than anything in this piece) and the lighting turned out, those were fun to do. I was initially struggling with the flame and how Mayumi is positioned in front of it before realizing "Oh wait! This is a weird abstraction of a weird creature! I don't have to follow the laws of anatomy!" and just dislocated it's flamey bottom jaw from the main body. I also changed the colours of it since I was really not liking how incredibly bright it was when it had lighter colours. Again, the gradient maps served the more painterly style of the flames well.

I also love how Mayumi turned out. I could do her sleeves better but that's more of just me needing to study how those types of sleeves fold in that position more. I'm also very happy with the posing, the technique I used for that was taking photos of myself in the positions I wanted, blocking in the silhouette and then modifying that by adjusting it to my lines of action that I drew on top of the original photos, and then sketching over the silhouettes and drawing in the shapes of the hands overtop of the photo if I needed to get the fine details right. As for what I do to take the pictures myself, I use a tall chair I have, prop up my phone with a phone stand, put on a ten second timer and scramble to get in position. Yes, I did have to use a bunch of thin markers I had to try and get the hand positioning on Keiki's pose right, yes I do have a fake sword that I used to get the positioning of Mayumi's arms and hand right, the sword was for an old Halloween costume from several years ago. I really like how both Keiki and Mayumi turned out in this drawing, I'll have to play around with these designs for them more in future drawings.

Also, if you wanna know why I draw buildings like that, when I watched Fantasia 2000 as a kid (One of the Disney movies where they make really beautiful animations to classical music) the way they drew the buildings in the first few sections Rhapsody in Blue segment (the jazz one with the cities) changed my brain chemistry and now whenever I need to draw buildings really quickly, I refer back to that. Since the buildings aren't really the main subject, I didn't put much thought into them.

As you can tell I am very tired of this piece, mainly because I made things harder for myself by overcomplicating the process compared to what I usually do, mainly with the whole "starting in grayscale then adding colour." I'd honestly just prefer having a black layer set to colour that I can just toggle on and off when I need to see the values, but it was good to experiment. And that was mainly the point of this whole drawing, to experiment. I'm definitely going to have to play around with this new style I'm going for, mainly because I liked how it turned out a lot in the augmented Keiki sketch, and also because I want to find ways of making it suit my style more. I also really want to keep experimenting with my lighting like this, it's very fun. Last but not least I am never starting in greyscale again because dear god I do not like the workflow it forced me into. I don't have a problem with the method itself it's mainly just a skill issue lol.

If you wanna read my headcanons for these two, I put them in my WIP post, so you can read them there if you want to. The more I look at this the more I prefer the simplicity of my WIP. I might go back to this and just take away the fancy colours and effects to see what it looks like without all of that stuff and reblog this post with that drawing, but for now, I don't think I can look at this drawing again for a while.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Bisexual Basics

— Karin Baker

THE MOST BASIC thing about bisexuality is that it unlinks what most cultures see as a fundamental connection: sex and gender. If you can understand that for some people sexual attraction is not tied to a specific gender, then you understand the most important thing about bisexuality.

At least in the United States, separating sexuality and gender is difficult. While public attention—negative and positive—has recently been focused on homosexuality, the idea that it is not the only alternative to heterosexuality is less often recognized. This is not surprising, given that here as in most western cultures, there is a tendency to organize concepts dualistically, to see only opposites.

Heterosexuality and homosexuality as related ideas are one example. Thus, even while homosexuality is not an acceptable alternative to heterosexuality for many people, it is clearly fixed in their minds as the other option. Few conceive that there could be a third option, or even a continuum of possibilities.

This or That

Bisexuals sometimes refer to society’s tendency to dichotomize as an “either/or” approach. You must be attracted to either women or men, be either heterosexual or homosexual—what bisexuals sometimes lump together and call “monosexual.” Similarly, in our society, no matter what your actual racial background, you are seen as either white, or a person of color.

In contrast, some of us see bisexuals as having an approach to sexuality that could be called “both/and.” We are heterosexual and homosexual, both at the same time—which actually adds up to something completely different.

The woman whose parents are respectively white and African American is not racially or culturally half one and half the other. She is a blending of the two, in which neither aspect can be separated out. Similarly, bisexuals are not “part” queer, or “part” straight—we are what we are.

The Continuum of Sexuality

Maybe the idea that sexual attraction actually falls on a continuum, rather than clumping around homosexuality and heterosexuality, seems obvious. As a bisexual person, it is certainly obvious to me. However, I have come to realize that some are confounded by the idea.

This inability to imagine that someone could truly be attracted to more than one gender is probably the origin of myths such as “bisexuals don’t really exist,” and “bisexuals just haven’t made up their minds yet.” For some, sex means desire for women or men, but never both.

In a recent example, a bisexual friend of mine overheard a conversation between a lesbian and a gay man in which both commented on how confused bisexuals were. One of them said, “sooner or later bisexuals have to make up their minds!”

I wish I’d been there to ask them, why? Can you explain the basis for your reasoning? Why can’t we have already made up our minds—to be bisexual?

It seems to be hard to escape the assumption that there are only two choices, and everyone must ultimately settle for one of them. I have never heard a logical argument, or any biological law that explains why this choice is so unavoidable.

I have an easier time with this when I think about how hard it is for me to grasp attraction to one gender only, whether gay/lesbian or straight attraction. Because sexuality and gender aren’t linked for me, I’m surprised when I hear about people who are only attracted to women, or only attracted to men.

As a feminist I can understand why some women would choose not to be with men. I can also see that a person might want something in a sexual relationship that is more typically found with one gender or the other. But how could one gender always fall outside the boundaries of sexual possibility?

I believe that it happens, because people tell me that it’s true for them. It’s just extremely hard to imagine.

In fact, we bisexuals have a tendency (which I resist in myself) to think that all people are potentially bisexual. If they haven’t acted on it yet, monosexuals must either be repressed, or they just haven’t found the “right man”/“right woman” yet.

I suppose this is the bisexual equivalent of the monosexual perception that bisexuals are just going through a phase and haven’t made up our minds yet.

Gender in Bisexual Attraction

Although gender is not a limiting factor for bisexuals, it does sometimes play a role in bisexual attraction.

Some bisexuals that I know are attracted to women and men for gender-specific reasons. For instance, they like women because they see them as: easy to talk to, or nurturing, or soft and curvy; and they like men because they find them: straightforward, or more assertive, or hard and muscular (or some such gendered reasons).

So in this case, gender is part of the formula, but not a limiting factor.

Other bisexuals I have spoken with are also attracted to women and men differently, but they turn the previous specifications upside down. These bis say they find they like butch women and effeminate men. In a way this comes down to appreciating people to the extent that they escape genderedness.

But there are also many bis, such as myself, for whom gender has no place in the list of things that attract them to a person. For instance, I like people who are good listeners, who understand me and have interests similar to mine, and I am attracted to people with a little padding here and there, who have fair skin and dark hair (although I’m pretty flexible when it comes to looks).

“Male” or “female” are not anywhere to be found in the list of qualities I find attractive.

Monosexual Misconceptions

Bisexuals in the United States often experience hostility from lesbians and gay men, as in the incident described above. Lesbians and gay men, like heterosexuals, are often uncomfortable with breaking out of a dualistic way of looking at things.

Bisexuals blur boundaries thought to be fixed in stone, and this is disturbing.

Actually, bisexuals may appear to pose a more direct threat for lesbians and gay men than this general social disturbance. Lesbians and gay men who a in our society have almost always gone through a long process of leaving their family and heterosexual friends, as they leave the closet.

The community that rejected them is replaced by the one they join when they come out; the lesbian and gay community becomes their new family and friends, the place where they feel security and belonging.

Bisexuals who pop up in their new community blur its boundaries, making it feel less safe, less apart from the rejecting heterosexual community. Especially for those who believe that a bisexual has a fifty-fifty chance of finally choosing heterosexuality, a bisexual may well appear as the enemy within their midst.

Bisexuals often face misconceptions shared by lesbians, gay men, and heterosexual people. One of these is mentioned above: that bisexuals are confused people who havent made up their minds yet.

Undoubtedly some bisexuals are in a transitional phase between heterosexuality and homosexuality, but this is not necessarily so. And even when it is true, why should transition be seen as problematic?

Another common myth is that bisexuals are not committed to the struggle against queer oppression. Like many stereotypes, this may have some basis in reality. There are bisexuals who stay in the closet, who gravitate toward opposite gender relationships, marriage, and whatever else it takes to fit in.

Of course, many gay men and lesbians also never make it out of the closet. In fact, the lesbian and gay movement has always included bisexuals. Some have been openly bi, while others haven’t felt it worth the struggle to be open in the face of disapproval from the community that is so important to them.

Today, some bisexuals, like some gay men and lesbians, are not interested in getting involved in political struggle, but many others are very active within the queer community.

Another misconception is the idea that to be bisexual you must be sleeping with both women and men, and along with this, probably cheating on your partner. This is like saying that you cannot call yourself a lesbian (or gay, or straight) if you are single and celibate.

I believe that you’re bisexual (homosexual, heterosexual) if that’s what you call yourself. Your orientation stays the same, you still feel attraction, whatever your current actions.

Now it’s true, there are bisexuals who feel more fulfilled if they have relationships with a woman and a man. Some of these may have an agreement with their partner(s), and some not, but bisexuals are not the only sexual orientation where unorthodox relationships can be found, or where some cheat on their partners.

Bisexual Oppression?

A lesbian once told me that bisexuals experience oppression only to the extent that we “are homosexual.” She used this as an argument for leaving the name “bisexual” off titles of marches, community centers, newspapers, etc.

Who is included in group names has been a controversy for years (going back at least to the time when including the word “lesbian” was controversial because “gay” could supposedly count for both).

I don’t agree that bisexuals face only homosexual oppression. It’s true that when we are in same-sex relationships, one of the things we experience is heterosexism (and also, in our opposite sex relationships we do not as directly face the oppression gay men and lesbians face, although if we are openly bisexual we never completely escape heterosexism).

However, bisexuals confront forms of oppression that lesbians and gay men do not. Bisexual oppression includes compulsory monosexuality and the invisibility that is a result of monosexism. We are made invisible when people can’t conceive of sexual attraction that isn’t tied to one gender or the other, thereby denying our existence.

Even face to face, there is nothing about us that says we’re bisexual—if we’re with the same gender it’s assumed we’re lesbian/gay, and we must be straight if our partner is of the opposite gender.

Unless we happen to be holding hands and kissing a woman and a man simultaneously, an either/or way of seeing things means most people will automatically categorize us as either homosexual or heterosexual. This is monosexism at work.

In recent years some things have changed for bisexuals in the United States. We have started to find each other and form organizations and small communities. Conferences happen regularly in different parts of the country, and a national network exists.

Books about bisexuals multiply, as we tell our stories and develop theories about how we fit in. Much to the discomfort of some lesbians and gay men, we have been increasing the pressure to have our presence within the queer community acknowledged.

It seems inevitable that we will have an impact on how the people of this country view sexuality. Will this go further and affect the fundamental tendency toward dualistic categorizing, the either/or mindset?

[filmofhybe]

The perfect blend - YJW

part 2 of “IN EVERY MULTIVERSE”

In which..

can you ever imagine in this multiverse, you having the biggest fattest crush on your best friend - Yang jungwon, however knowing he already has a “girlfriend” hurts more than just a sting from a bee.

💌 PAIRING : yjw x reader

GENRE : friends to lovers , fluff

WARNING : angst , fluff , kissing , CHAPTER 2 NOT PROOF-READ!!

🗯️ FEATURING : huh yunjin - LE SSERAFIM

word count : 2,066

MASTERLIST to “IN EVERY MULTIVERSE”.

; AUTHORS NOTES : not proof read. Next chapter is angst!! A little fluff before we get there😉

I stood outside my apartment, as cold winter air blew towards my face. Hood up while my hands was in my pockets keeping them warm. Waiting patiently for Jungwon to arrive. Maybe he would come…or not..

My thoughts was interrupted as I heard panting coming from my left. I turned around to see him running towards me. Hands on his knees as he tries to catch his breathe, looking up to me with a smile. “Sorry If I’m late, I just needed to do something.”

“No is okay!” “No is not I made you wait in the cold..I’ll pay for your drink!” Still panting, before leading us off to the café. On the way to the café, we talked about school and life. It was so comforting and it seemed so real.

“I wish I could talk to you more at school…” he sighed making me confused what he meant.

“You do though…?” I told him as I focused back on the road

“Well sometimes I wish I could just talk to you and not anyone else..” He told me before changing the topic. Soon enough we were here.

“Ladies first!” The little bell on the door Jingles as he opens the café door. I was quickly greeted by a soft grey cat, walking in between my legs. I squat down and start petting it. “Jungwon is this a cat café?” I asked him, noticing his nose starts to grow pink.

Jungwon nervously scratched his nose as he looked around the cat café. He had planned the outing, excited to share the experience, who adored feline companionship, however I knew he was allergic to cats. I know everything about him..

Oblivious to Jungwon's discomfort, even if he was delighted by the playful kitties, I reached out to pet a fluffy tabby, urging Jungwon to join in the fun. Suppressing his sneezes, he managed a smile, not wanting to ruin the moment. Feeling the tickle in his nose increasing, "How about we check out my favorite place next?" Jungwon agreed, and we headed to a nearby book café. As we stepped into the serene atmosphere filled with the scent of freshly brewed coffee and the quiet rustling of pages, Jungwon's tense shoulders relaxed.

I noticed the change and asked, "Do you like books?" Jungwon chuckled, "Yeah, I love it." We settled into a cozy corner, surrounded by shelves of novels, as soft melodies played in the background. We shared anecdotes about their favorite books, finding common ground in the world of literature. You’re the same as the person I know in real life..

Ordering their favorite café treats, they savored the warmth of their beverages while engrossed in their chosen novels. I noticed Jungwon's eyes light up as he talked about his favorite characters, and I found myself captivated by his passion for storytelling.

“This is really good! Thank you for taking me here!” He continue to munch on the small slice of cheese cake in front of him. The soft caramel scent filled my nose.

“You’re welcome! I’m glad you enjoyed..” I smiled at him, watching him eat his cake.

“You want some? Open up! Ahh~” he opened his mouth with a smile, I copied his move and opened mine. Before he could place the cake in my mouth-

I crept back into reality. Feeling I just dropped from the sky. Jumping, realizing I fell asleep while studying. “Fuck y/n you didn’t have to jump in your sleep do you..?” Yunjin scoffed. “What time is it?” I scratched my eyes as I try to adjust the lighting. “Is 6:47pm, so we should probably get going…” She said as she continue to pack her bag.

“I think me and jungwon are really close in the multiverse you know.” I stretched as I watched her stop packing her bag. “Oh my gosh y/n are you serious still on about this topic?”

“Yunjin, is not a joke anymore. Everytime i go to sleep, I feel like I’m traveling to another universe and I can control everything I do.” I said, I’m not insane right?

“We need to get you some mental health support because I’m not about to live in the same roof as a psychopath.” She stands up before dragging me along with her to our bus stop.

“Is Saturday tomorrow okay? I won’t be home until later tomorrow night.” Yunjin informs me as she unlocks our door. She’s basically the reason why we still have a roof on top of us. I nodded as I place my bag on the floor. Checking my phone as I saw jungwon texted me.

Wonnie 🤭 : HEYYY Y/N :DD

y/n 🩷 : HEYYY JUNGWON HRU??

Wonnie 🤭 : Im good!! Really excited for tomorrow :)

y/n 🩷: Same! We haven’t hang out in ages :(

Wonnie 🤭 : Is okay we are hanging out tomorrow so is fine😝

y/n 🩷 : The iconic duo is back😫

Wonnie 🤭 : REAL!! (Not clickbait😫)

y/n 🩷 : NEVERRRR

Wonnie 🤭 : also can you wear that white sundress we got last time we went out?

y/n 🩷 : oooo~~ why🫢

Wonnie 🤭 : BECAUSE YOU LOOK CUTE IN IT AND WE NEED TO TAKE PICTURES??

y/n 🩷 : FINE IM EXCITED AS WELL!! I’LL SEE YOU TOMORROW <;33

Wonnie 🤭 : ALRIGHT GOODNIGHT🥹

Heart beating so fast, feeling like I’m a teenage girl once again for him. He called me cute.. he wanted to take pictures.. I hope tomorrow goes well..

I nervously adjusted the straps of my white sundress, glancing at myself in the mirror for what felt like the hundredth time. Today was probably a normal day for everyone - Saturday. But after those silly dream or actually me traveling to my multiverse, I realize my feelings for jungwon. And meeting Jungwon, the butterflies in my stomach were on cloud 9. He suggested me to wear a sundress, me being me, guessing our location would be maybe a coffee shop or a cozy café, but the nerves intensified when he texted the address of a restaurant instead.

As I wait outside of my apartment for his arrival, my mind raced with a thousand thoughts. Was my dress too much? Did my hair look alright? I wanted everything to be perfect. Honestly I don’t even know why, the night I started dreaming about him, I started to change. The anticipation only grew as jungwon is now in front of me.

“Hey y/n! You look amazing!” How cute..

“thank you so much you look amazing as well!” I smiled sweetly at him, a sense of relief washed over me as he complimented me. He kept looking over me, with a warm smile on his face, Jungwon was effortlessly charming, making me forget about my earlier worries.

When we arrive at the restaurant, the kind waiter led us to our table, and he pulled out the chair for me – a small gesture that somehow managed to make me feel at ease.

Lunch went surprisingly well. Conversation flowed naturally, and I found myself enjoying every moment spent with him. The initial awkwardness faded away, replaced by laughter and shared stories. Jungwon paid for our meal, insisting it was his treat, and I couldn't help but feel grateful for his kindness.

After lunch, he suggested a walk at the nearby park. As we strolled through the paths surrounded by vibrant pink roses, “i thought today would be the perfect day to take you here. You that sundress and these pink roses are really the perfect blend.” Jungwon complimented me with a slight blush on his face which stood out because of his white shirt, I couldn't shake off the feeling that everything was surreal. Jungwon's presence was comforting, and the beauty of the park seemed to mirror the growing connection between us. Jungwon, with his polaroid camera in his hand, stopped at a picturesque spot. He turned towards me, capturing the moment with a photograph. I was surprised by his sudden action, immediately running towards him to check the photo, it was candid picture of my side profile, I felt a bit self - conscious but he reassured me that I looked beautiful. His genuine compliments melted away any remaining nervousness.

The sun began to set, casting a warm glow on everything around us. It was in that moment, surrounded by the soft scent of roses, that Jungwon paused and looked into my eyes. He confessed, "I really enjoy spending time with you, y/n." My heart skipped a beat, and before I could respond, he asked the question that would change everything.

"I know we rarely talk or even hang out anymore. But I really miss the time when we were constantly hanging out. Maybe even more, like our pool dates or maybe even getting paired up for a project at work. I just can’t seem to get you out of my mind. I was so scared i did Something wrong that day i bumped into you. I’m still sorry about that. But I really can’t lose you if I actually did something wrong. I hope this wouldn’t ruin our friendship more because can I be your boyfriend?”

I can see the nervousness in him as he starts to avoid eye contact with him, his cheeks grew pinker as he continue to confess. The world seemed to stand still for a moment. I felt a rush of emotions – excitement, joy, and a lingering hint of nervousness. I managed to stammer out a surprised "Yes, of course you can jungwon.." and before I knew it, Jungwon's eyes lit up with happiness.

With a gentle smile, he looked ant me with adoring eyes before looking at my lips. “I-I- can I kiss you?” I gave him a soft nod, his hand around my waist while the other on my cheeks, and we shared our first kiss. It felt like the perfect conclusion to a day filled with unexpected turns and delightful surprises. The park, now bathed in the soft hues of the evening, witnessed the beginning of something special. His forehead on mines after we pulled away. His sweet Cherry lips along with my tingling strawberry ones, was the perfect blend . We both are the perfect blend

As we made our way back to my apartment, hand in hand, the reality of the day began to sink in. Jungwon kept his arm around my waist. Giving my forehead kisses here and there. And I couldn't help but steal glances at him. He seemed genuinely happy, and that made my heart swell with a warmth I hadn't felt before.

Once we reached my apartment door, Jungwon hesitated for a moment. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the photograph he had taken of me at the park. He handed it to me, saying, "I want to keep this memory close."

It was a sweet gesture that left you speechless. I took the photo, studying the captured moment of our day together. Jungwon's eyes held a depth of emotion as he looked at her. Love in his eyes, and it was clear that this day meant as much to him as it did to you.

“You and the roses are such a perfect blend” He said as he lean again my door before I handed him back the picture.

“You and me are the perfect blend ” I flirted back as he laughs adorably.

“I see you moving already..” we laughed at his annoying joke.

“Right I have to go now baby but I’ll text you when I get home alright?” The nickname made my heart goes 80 miles per hour. As he kisses my forehead, my nose and lastly my lips.

“Stay safe okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.” I smiled to him one last time, watching him step inside the tall elevator as the door closes. Closing the apartment door as I touched my lips. His sweet Cherry lip balm still on it.

“So I guess it went well..” yunjin walks out of her room, clearly was asleep.

“Yeah.. he’s my boyfriend now..” I told her as I saw her eyes widen from the sudden information

“WAIT HOLD UP OH MY GOD WHAT- FILL ME IN HELLO-?”

“CALM DOWN THE NEIGHBORS ARE GOING TO COMPLAIN!”

“I DONT GIVE A FUCK NOW TELL ME EVERYTHING. EVERY DETAIL.”

Jungwon on the other hand is telling every single detail to his friends. All of them squiggling and giggling over every single Little detail, as if they were high school girls. Showing off the polaroid picture of you to them and told them how the kiss went. He hopes this is how you both are in his next multiverse.

SERIES TAGLIST : @enhaz1 @dubuii @in-somnias-world @ultimatestayandminoronce @yenqa @euncsace @hoondiors @yannew @mrchweeee @ariadores @oldjws @frukkoneeeeg @dimplewonie @seobstarr @asteria-wood (white = i cant tag) / comment to be added to the series taglist.

© filmofhybe on tumblr — do not copy , translate or share.

[eaingels]

Until I found you Part 1

Summary: Eloise, a human with Fae ancestry, moves to the Night Court in hopes of finding out where her family came from and why they left. Trough-out her search for answers, she meets the witty, brave and handsome Cassian. Even though, she thinks that she isn't worthy of affection, she can't help but crave his.

Authors note: hello everyone this is my first ever post here, so I hope you like it. English is not my first language so bare with me please. This will discuss topics like being self body shaming and having low self-esteem. If you are not comfortable reading about it, please don't read it. Please leave a comment so I can improve my writing.

Hope you enjoy it!!

"ppfpft" I tried getting the hair out of my mouth while crossing the bridge over the Sidra. There was so much wind today, I regretted my decision of not grabbing a hair tie with me. People around me gave me weird looks as I tried to get a hold of my hair before I gagged on it. I kept walking over the stone bridge hoping that once I was surrounded by buildings the wind would die down. My wishes were granted, I was past the bridge and my hair was done choking me for now. My mind turned to my impending visit to the library and my request to visit the library in the House of Wind. I was so close to finding my ancestors, I could feel it. Almost three thousand years ago some Fae moved from the Night Court to my hometown. And it wasn't until my grandfather and I started digging into our past that we were able to find a connection with the Fae and our family tree. A shred of grief that had found it's home in my stomach rose up of the memory of my grandfather. He had been my best-friend and had never judged me for wanting to have more knowledge. So when he passed away, I made a promise to myself that I would get to the bottom of it.

The big oak doors leading into the entrance hall of the library stood open, inviting everyone to come a take a look. The library itself wasn't too busy, but busy enough for there to be a line at the help desk. I looked around while waiting for my turn when I suddenly heard a loud laugh coming from inside the library. Two men and a woman were walking out the library. Both men had huge black wings at theirs backs and some kind of leather fighting gear on. The woman on the other hand, had glossy blond hair and the finest clothes I had ever seen. She was slim and absolutely gorgeous. Just looking at her made me wrap my coat around my torso to hide myself. Like anyone would notice me. It's like my mother always said, I blend in with the background. Nothing special to look at. I looked at the two men again. One was taller than the other with longer hair and the other had shadows flying around him. It was the taller one that I heard laughing. He was absolutely gorgeous. The kind of man you would read about in the books, the handsome, strong and kind man sweeping the herion of her feet. A spark starting burning in my chest. I had always dreamed of finding my handsome, strong and king man that would sweep me of my feet, but than again I wasn't anything remarkable. The spark in my chest died.

"Can I help you miss?" a soft female voice asked me. I turned forward again. In the time that I had been staring the line in front of me had gone.

"Sorry, yes, uhm... I'm looking for registration records dating back at least three thousand years ago" I said to her. Her eyes widened a little bit.

"I'm not sure if the records we keep here date that far back, but you could try in section four." Not feeling very hopeful I thanked the woman and made my way to section four. Section four was all the way at the back of the library in a dark corner. Clearly no one visited this part. The dusk caking the shelves was evidence of that. I took my coat off, throwing it on a dust covered chair along with my bag and got to work.

Time flies when you are having fun, or so they say. I looked back at the clock every once in a while to mark my progress. It had been three hours since I started looking through the books and so far I had found one name to add to the family tree. It was an exciting discovery, because it proved my ancestors did come from these lands. I was standing on the third bottom shelf trying to get a book trom the the top when my foot slipped and I lost my balance. I was prepared to let myself fall like a whale as there was nothing I could hold on to to save myself, when I felt two warm hands catching me. I looked up to find the handsome winged man from earlier starring down at me.

"It's been a while since a female threw herself at my feet" he said with a large grin on his face. My face must be red like a tomato, because he grinned even wider as he helped me stand.

"I didn't throw myself at your feet" I replied. I hoped he didn't think I did that on purpose. The man was almost two heads taller than me so I had to crane my neck to look at his face. What I saw took my breath away. Tanned skin, deep brown eyes and a couple of faint scars marking his face and neck.

"Did you hurt yourself?" he asked. I shook my head, not trusting my voice. I looked at his wings. Huge black membranes that were folded neatly on his back so they wouldn't bump into things.

"You are human" he suddenly said. The man looked surprised almost like he'd never seen a human before.

"Yes I am. But I listen to the name Eloise."

"Nice to meet you Eloise. My name is Cassian." We shook hands. His so much bigger than mine. "Do you need help with something?" Cassian looked up at the shelve I was, trying, to reach for.

"I was just trying to get that volume down" I pointed to the last book that might hold some information. With a smile Cassian grabbed the book from the shelve and gave it to me.

"Thank you Cassian" I said and walked back to my table. I was so engrossed in the book that I hadn't noticed Cassian sitting in the chair across from me. He himself held a book in his hands one leg crossed over the knee. I smiled at the picture.

"Good book?"

Cassian looked up.

"Very good"

"Quite an impressive skill reading upside down". Cassian grinned and placed the book he was holding upside down on the table. "Can I help you with something Cassian?"

"I'm just waiting to see if you need help with shelving the book". I looked at the open book in front of me. It was a stretch that something would be in here anyway.

"This is not going to tell me something. So might as well put it back" I closed the book and gave it back to Cassian, who took it back to it's place. Meanwhile I got my jacket back on and put my bag across my shoulder. Somehow I dreaded having to leave this place and him.

"Thank you for your help" I told Cassian when he returned to the table. The red stones on the backs of his hands shone in the warm light making them look like rubies as he rubbed his hands together.

"Anytime". His brown eyes held this softness I had never seen before. I made me relax a bit, a very strange feeling so I shook my head a bit. I needed to stay focused.

"Good day Eloise" he said and walked away. Something in the back of my head told me I was going to see him again very soon.

Like for part 2!!

[slifarianhawk]

Chapter 5: Transfer

The weeks following my first Pankration match were tantalizingly busy. I had Roussimoff scheduling me for a fight every few days. The number of coupons I was raking in was far more substantial than my days working long hours on the production floor. However, the crowd still seemed to hate my guts. While some warmed up to me more often than not, people placed higher bets on my opponent. Not that I cared. It just meant I could afford a minuscule upgrade in my way of life.

I was walking through the admin area on my way to see if wosley had any more Fonta available for purchase when Sam ran up to me. He seemed to be in quite the rush.

"Ah! Sam, care to share a Fonta with me? I have quite a few coupons left over from my winnings." I said, smiling.

He panted as he placed his hands on his knees, "Silva! His grace would like to see you in his office."

"Well, I'm sure his grace would understand if I'm a little late. You look like you were sprinting a mile. Let me get you that Fonta." I smiled, wondering why Wriothesley wanted to see me.

I helped Sam over to the tables. Wolsey walked over to Sam and handed him a bottle of pure water. That was probably a better move than a Fonta.

"I have to go see his grace. Keep an eye on him, Wosley." I said as I walked away.

Once again, I'd only seen him in passing glances. He always seemed so busy. But he was there at each of my Pankration matches. I always saw him for a brief second out of the corner of my eye during the final moments of the bout.

It was oddly comforting. I heard from Roussimoff that his grace still participates in Pankration matches. That he was a champion Pankration fighter numerous times. Maybe I should ask for some tips or something.

I opened the massive metal door. I could faintly hear jazz playing in the background. I walked in and slowly ascended the stairs. The music gradually increased in volume as I climbed. I stopped at the top of the stairs and noticed his back turned towards me.

"You wished to see me your grace?" I asked as I approached him.

"Ah, Silva, thank you for coming. Please have a seat. I just put a fresh pot of tea on." He said back still towards me, his hand gesturing to the sofa.

"Thank you, Wriothesley." I said, walking over towards the couch.

"It seems I owe you a set of thanks. I just received a letter with a contract and an order sheet from Bubu pharmacy." He said, turning towards me a package in his hand.

"A promise is a promise, your grace. I am a woman of my word. I may not be a prideful person. However, I do hold myself to that standard." I said as he sat the package and two letters on the coffee table.

"That package came from Liyue Harbor addressed to you. It came with three letters, one addressed to the Duke of Meropide, the those are addresses to you." He said, walking over to the now whistling tea kettle.

"Thank you, Wriothesley. I don't know if you noticed, but there are those here who aren't my biggest fans." I smiled as I picked up the letters. One was a light blue envelope with a green wax seal with a snake on it. Baizhu, I'm glad he replied. The other one was just like the last letter his grace handed me.

"Care for any sugar or cream?" He asked, pouring the tea into their respective cups.

"Depends. What blend are we drinking today?" I asked, slowly opening Baizhu's letter.

"I'm using your blend, seeing as we haven't shared tea in the past month and a half. Not to mention the reports I've been getting from Sigewinne about a certain inmate with a migraine every few days. I figured it would be the best course of action." He said, placing a cube in his tea.

I felt a blush graze my cheeks, "Just one then, your grace. I must apologize  about my actions. They seem to have made you worry about my well-being. I just didn't want there to be any call to arms against you. As I said earlier, there aren't very many here who look kindly upon me."

"I figured that was the case. Tell me how long have you been receiving those threatening notes on your workstation in the production zone?" He asked, sitting next to me on the couch.

I must have had a shocked look on my face because Wriothesley let out a small chuckle. He took a sip of his tea.  I gazed at the scars under he eyes lift as he did. Did my heart just flutter at that... nope, that couldn't have been it.

"How long have you known? I haven't told anyone about them." I said, trying to hide my expression by taking a drink of my tea.

"Sam... He reported it. He noticed the random slips of paper appearing at your work bench seemingly overnight when no one was around. He read one and was horrified. He brought it to my attention later that shift." He said, glancing at me.

"Sam..." I said, looking at my hands shaking.

"I decided to investigate, and I can tell you that they are dropped off between my early morning rounds and start of your shift. Being that I only started this investigation about three days ago, I'd say your package arrived with perfect timing,  paper trail, and all." He said with a smug tone in his voice.

"Thank you, Wriothesley. If I weren't so stubborn about not feeling like a burden, I would have brought it to your attention. It's been happening since my third day here." I sigh, setting my cup down.

"You should have brought this to my attention." He said, turning towards me, "I know a lot of gaurdes and prisoners are still used to my predecessors' rules and policies. My new policies instill the main rule of rehabilitation and consistency. I want Meropide to be a place where people learn from their wrongs and grow in a place free from the constant threat of violence. That's why I kept the Pankration ring."

His tone was like he was scolding an inmate, and in the truest sense of the thought, he was. However, there was something else there, it seemed. I shook my head, I was just thinking too much into it.

"Would you like me to read the letters to you, Wriothesley?" I asked, flustered quickly, trying to change the subject.

"Oh ahem, yes, that was the main reason I did call you here. Monsieur Nuevillette wants to know if you were in contact with the people who matter to you." Wriothesley said, pouring more tea into both mine and his cups.

"He is a very kind man." I said, placing a single cube of sugar in my cup.

"You've only seen him in a decent mood. He has a temperament that is to be minded." Wriothesley said.

I opened the letter and started to read. Baizhus voice playing in my head, Changshengs as well.

"Silva, I am glad to have received your letter. When Mr. Zhongli informed me of your circumstances. I was sure it would be quite a while before I heard from you again. It brings comfort to me and Changsheng to hear you are well. To think you'd make a deal to bring me more mora while so far away. I'm glad to see you haven't changed from the kind girl who volunteered to help Qiqi and Gui dry herbs in her free time. I sent you some more of the tea that I provided you with before your trip, as well as something special. Mr. Zhongli asked me to provide it to you, even covered the costs of the shipping. I think he figured part of the mystery of your mother. He wouldn't talk to me much about it, so I'm not exactly sure about the details. He had me send a letter from him in this parcel. Have the lovely head nurse reach out with any needs of your medication. I'll be glad to cover the expenses until you return to Liyue.

On one last note, however, Changsheng wants you to be careful. Goodness knows what will happen if you come in contact with that drug again. Dendro energy can be very volatile when not properly controlled. She doesn't want to see you hurt. Nor do I, for that matter. Take care of yourself since I'm not there to treat your wounds. Please write to me when you can. Take care, Baizhu and Changsheng."  I said, wiping tears from my eyes.

"He seems like a very good man and an even better doctor. Who is Changsheng? His wife?" Wriothesley asked, and I simply laughed.

"No, nothing like that. Changsheng is his familiar he inherented from his master." I smiled.

"Oh..." He coughed a bit of an embarrassed blush on his cheeks, "Ehem... I won't have you read that letter from your other friend. It seems the information is strictly meant for you. I understand the importance of finding out where you came from. It isn't talked about much, but I was raised in a foster home."

I noticed something in his expression, a forlorn darkness. There was something he clearly needed to unpack. But I don't feel like I should dig. We were just becoming more familiar with each other. But something compelled me to say something.

"You okay, Wriothesley? You seem a bit sullen all of a sudden." I say instinctively, placing my hand on his back.

He stiffened for a brief second at the touch but quickly relaxed, "Yeah, just lost in thought."

He stood up and stretched. Walking over to his desk, he pulled out a couple of papers and a quill. He motioned me to come to over to him.

"I need you to sign a couple of things. Would you come over here?" He said.

I simply nodded and walked over to the desk.

"What do you need me to sign?" I asked curiously.

"Well one I need you to sign without a doubt before you leave. In all honesty, I'd feel safer with it in place. The other is a contract between you and me if you are interested." He said, staring into my eyes.

This piqued my interest. What kind of contract would I'd be signing, and what was the first paper about. I stopped in front of his desk, and he handed me the first paper he pulled out. It had notice of work transfer in bold on top.

"I discussed this with Nuevillette. I told him about the notes on your workstation as soon as i heard about it as he wants updates and all. He believes this will at least lessen the chance of someone taking their version of justice out on you." Wriothesley said, interlocking his fingers together.

I read the document and confusion spring up in my mind.

"To the kitchens, are you sure? Wosley normally doesn't trust violent offenders in his kitchens." I asked.

Wriothesley chuckled, "He welcomed the thought with open arms. I distinctly remember him saying he finds you pleasant for conversation and would love to learn more about the cuisine you've picked up through your travels. He said that the hours are longer than the production zones but is willing to give you time off for your Pankration matches."

I felt a shock run through my system. Wosley even describes himself as a person who doesn't trust very easily. I felt an ease of tension flood my body. Then, a saddened thought dripped into my  thoughts. How would I train for my matches. Even though I was still new in the ring. The release it gave me from my frustrations was almost euphoric.

I heard another chuckle from his grace.

"I know that look. Debating between the transfer and the ring, huh?" He said, handing me the second paper.

"Am i that easy to read?" I asked, taking the supposed contract.

"No, I was in your position at one point during my stay. That's why I had this drawn up. I think you'd find it quite beneficial for us both." He said.

I felt drawn to the contract. What was it? What did it entail? I picked it up and started to read through it. I must have looked incredibly flustered.

"It doesn't involve anything of a personal nature. If that's what got you looking like that." He assured me.

I felt my cheeks redden, and i stopped reading, not even getting past the secondline. That wasn't what I thought! Was it? No, definitely not. Ayato always told me to wait to find someone I cared about to do anything like that. I barely have known Wriothesley for a couple of months, archons. This is only the second time we have even actually spoken.

"I promise Wriothesley! it's not that!" I exclaimed.

He let out a laugh that clearly built from his stomach, "Oh relax, sweetheart. I was just pulling your leg. If I had five mora for every time a  female inmate offered herself to me, I'd be able to afford the kitchen overhaul Wosley has been asking for."

Sweetheart? That word rang in my ears. I shook my head at my stupidity. He was the administrator. Of course, he wouldn't do that.

"This is simply a sparring and training  contract." He said as I set it down and walked up behind me.

"Training?" I asked, turning my head to look at him.

"I've been at each of your matches, and I know you know that. You're good with your weapon and alchemy. However, your martial arts is sloppy, to say the least. At the same time, i find your combat interesting. I want to train you to be able to use your abilities to their fullest. I could even help you make some improvements on your weapons. " He said, placing his hand on the contract.

"You want to train me?" I asked, noticing his scarred hands hidden behind black bandages.

"It's just an offer. It would allow you to be up after lights out and be able to not allow the other inmates to watch you train. I'd even have Sam escort you back to your bunk." He said.

"You sure about all this, even the weapons your grace. All I use are wires? How can that even be modified?" I asked my mind racing.

I felt something heavy on my opposite shoulder. I quickly turned my head and saw a black and brass gauntlet resting on it. Where the hell did that come from.

"It surprises most people what a little knowledge of mechanics can do. I was able to perfect these during my time here. They resonate very well with my catalyst." He said, pulling his gauntlet away from me as he walked back to his chair, "in the end, this decision is completely up to you."

"I know, I've made up my mind." I said, setting down the contract, "I'm tired of doing the same old thing. Be it combat or work. It's been getting harder each match in the ring. Not to mention, I have a feeling that the asshole who stabbed me is still out there."

"Well then, the dotted line is right there, sweetheart." Wriothesley said, handing me the inked quill.

I took the pen and signed the documents. Sliding them over to him, I noticed his face seemed contemplative. I wondered what was going on behind those lovely blue grey eyes. I sighed at my thoughts. I felt as if I should start my job for the day.

"Wriothesley, when would you like to have our first training session?" I asked curiously.

"How about tomorrow? You have a match tonight, right? That way, I can finish off what regimen to build off of." He said, standing up looking at the time, "speaking of which you should probably head to the kitchen. Don't worry, I'll bring the crate brought to your bunk later."

"Thank you, Wriothesley." I said, heading towards the stairs.

"No problem. Here, let me at least walk you out." He said, catching up to me.

"Thanks," I said, stopping at the stairs and trying to turn towards him.

Unfortunately, my balance didn't want to stay stable. I felt the air of the office rush past my ears. Well fuck... I awaited the pain to strike only to feel a strong pull. The next thing I felt was warmth and my face pressed against fabric.

I looked up only to see myself pulled into Wriothesley's chest, his hand on my wrist, and his other arm wrapped around my back. I saw concern on his face, but his cheeks were slightly pink.

"Hey now, be careful. I can tell you from experience those metal stairs hurt." He said his gaze off to the side, a slightly snarky tone in his voice.

"Of course, I'm sorry." I said as he released me.

"No need for apologies. Can't let you be at a disadvantage in your bout later, right?" He said.

"Yeah, guess you right. I guess I'll see you at the match?" I asked.

"Wouldn't miss it." He said as I walked down the stairs.

As I walked out the doors, I heard a deep clicking noise after they closed. The guardes looked confused.

"Wonder why he locked the door?" I heard one guarde ask the other.

The other just shrugged and resumed guarding the door. My mind wandered as I made my way to the kitchen. Why would Wriothesley lock the door behind him? Did I do something wrong?

When I arrived at the kitchen, I shoved all those thoughts aside. I just knew that today was the start of something for me.

[eliza1911o1]

Angel beauracracy

This absolutely BRILLIANT post by @halemerry ties together a lot of the s2 content in ways I adore and wish I had seen myself but for now I’ll just continue to praise and think over it. One particular detail I loved was the insistence on Crowley remaining true to the character and not taking on a specific role. What’s more, since there’s clearly been such emphasis on his past as an angel, there’s also the mystery of just who Crowley was and what place he’s held in the Divine Plan

We know GO takes many liberties with its source material (and with such a notable and vague text such as The Bible, there is a lot to work with), especially in regards to known individuals (i.e. Michael’s minor status in comparison to Gabriel, Sandalphon’s disappearance and Saraquel/Sariel’s introduction, Aziraphale as the Guardian of the East Gate). Though not directly translated into the story, the outlines of the source material are still recognizable and the broader concepts very much applicable (as is intended by a religious satire and/or parody of The Omen). So, this could imply that instead of impressing a specific persona onto a familiar character, a known character’s traits/background might be utilized for Crowley

As for who or what role that may be, that’s confusing for many reasons. When it comes to angels, there is very little blatantly mentioned by The Bible. Furthermore, setting of GO does not have specific theological distinctions, as it blends denominations and appears to take inspiration from many forms of worship, though presenting primarily as Christianity. And most importantly, the work is fictitious, so any and every kind of logic can be made up as long as it seems to work for the story. Nevertheless, according to a response by Gaiman, the structure looks something like this:

Metatron (“The Metatron is at the top, but he wouldn't actually show up on an organisational chart. He's just above everyone, and below God.” -Neil)

Archangels with a capital “A,” composed of the Chief Archangels (formerly, Gabriel), Higher Archangels (Michael, Uriel, and probably Saraquel), and lesser Archangels (Sandalphon)

Principalities (Aziraphale)

archangels with a lowercase “a”

Regular angels, such as 37th-degree recording angels (Muriel)

Season 2, while it does help give a better picture of Heaven’s structure, it also no longer completely explains this specific hierarchy as “Thrones” and “Dominions” are mentioned in ep 6, drawing a direct reference to the Christianity-based, Pseudo-Dionysian hierarchy

Generally speaking, Christian angelology organizes angels into three levels of three subsections: Seraphim, Cherubim, Thrones, Dominions/Lordships, Virtues, Powers/Authorities, Principalities/Rulers, archangels, and Angels. There are a variety of angels rankings throughout Jewish scriptures and other texts, making a neat list nearly impossible, but all listings share the concept that Archangels (“arch” or “chief” angels) stand closest to God. Some refer to a singular, head angel (usually, Michael), a group of three (Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael), a group of four, sometimes denoted as “throne-bearers,” (Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, and Uriel) a group of seven (Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Raguel, Saraquel, and Remiel as referenced by The Book of Enoch, which is a apocryphal script) or eight. We also know that the “Guardian of the East Gate” is referenced as a Cherub, so Aziraphale has either been demoted or the role changed entirely and he has always been a Principality

Assuming we uphold the Pseudo-Dionysian hierarchy, it looks like this:

Metatron

Chief Archangel and Archangels

Seraphim

Cherubs

Thrones

Dominions

Virtues

Powers

Principalities

archangels

Angels

For now not all of these types have been confirmed and more might be added, so only applying current canon ranks, the heirarchy looks more like this:

Metatron

Chief Archangel

Archangels

Thrones

Dominions

Principalities

archangels

Angels

However, the first few minutes of season 2 ep 1 actually some of this into question. In the Bible, there are no distinct, cosmic roles that the angels fulfill outside serving the Divine, but Jewish Kabbalah describes the Archangels acting as conduits for God’s power and vision in creating the universe. There is actually a lot more description of angels within Judaism than Christianity and seeing as Neil is Jewish, there is the possibility of it being influenced in such a way

There have been clear relationship between Crowley’s and celestial objects (the universe, planets, stars). Although stars can simply refer to angels, these connections could also be entertaining a further idea; a) he was an Archangel b) he was the Archangel Raphael, who has not been mentioned before and is related to the Kabbalah Tree of Life or c) he was an original character based on someone notable like Raphael. Or d) it’s none of these, but the story has thus far made many implications (verbal, physical, and canonically) that Crowley is a high-ranking demon of at least Dominion rank, so an Archangel is not out of question. And when Muriel is talking about the classified document, she says "You'd have to be a throne, or a dominion, or above." -- not, "you'd have to be at least a dominion" or "you'd have to be above a dominion" but "You'd have to be a throne, or a dominion, or above." There is this implication that Crowley was something much higher up, especially in the way he comfortably approaches the secret meetings of the Archangels.

Some other possible, relevant identities would be Samael (an archangel associated with tempting Eve), as well as Baraqiel (fallen dominion of the sky and seen in Aziraphale’s book about himself) or Kokabiel (a fallen high-ranking angel associated with astrology). Furthermore, the seven Archangels referenced in the Book are sometimes viewed as the angels who beckon the apocalypse in The Book of Revelation, which would fall in line with idea of season three following “The Second Coming.”

Other than that, as fire has been associated to him as well, there is the possibility that he might be considered a seraphim, “burning one,” or be associated (literally or metaphorically) with The Leviathan, an ancient, powerful serpent-like creature quoted about on Gabriel’s matchbox.

Either way, Crowley’s former status was high up and him being fallen has not stripped him of all his power, sense of duty, or kindness…

[becauseallhellseeisme]

Happy Birthday, Rick Wright! (July 28, 1943)

"Rick was so incredibly shy that he hardly spoke." - Clive Metcalfe

"I remember Rick sorting out the harmonies and telling everyone what to sing. I think everyone, including me, underestimated Rick. It's the classic management thing: he wasn’t any trouble, so you tended not to notice him." - Peter Jenner

"A lovely chap, but a bit away with the fairies." - a former Floyd roadie

"Rick was a very shy and quiet guy. He was extremely beautiful, gentle and talented." - Jill Furmanovsky

"He was by far the quietest of the band. And probably harder to get to know than the rest of us." - Nick Mason

"There is this image of Rick sat working something out on the keyboards while a war went on around him between the rest of us." - Nick Mason

"Rick would sit at the back and not say anything for days, but his playing was the highlight of any session." - John Leckie

"It's almost that George Harrison thing. You sort of forget that they did a lot more than perhaps they're given credit for. Like George, Rick wrote, he sang, he did a lot of things, but he did become eclipsed by everyone else." - Nick Mason

"The blend of Rick's and my voices and our musical telepathy reached their first major flowering in 1971 on Echoes. All the greatest Pink Floyd moments are the ones where he is in full flow." - David Gilmour

"Rick's got his character flaws. He can be a bit of a grumbler, but we get on. Rick's got soul. A real soul - a complete relationship with his playing." - David Gilmour

"We didn’t spend our time being close, but we had a musical telepathy and, at its best, we knew exactly what the other was going to do and could bounce off each other. Rick had his moments of being rather down about various things, and towards what was the end of his life – none of us knew that at the time – he came on board to do my On An Island tour and had the time of his life.

We’d get to a certain moment in the set where I was introducing people, and Polly would shout [French accent] “Reee-shard! Reee-shard!” And then people in the audience who’d been there the night before noticed and started shouting it too, and it grew and grew every show, and he visibly puffed up with joy! I really think that helped boost his confidence and he started playing more effusively. We just felt he should be fêted a little, as he was so retiring and tended to be in the background, and I’m up the front there and I’m, you know, big and strong. So he had the time of his life and really loved it and was playing brilliantly." - David Gilmour

And some quotes from the man himself:

"We have great understanding and tolerance of each other. But there are a lot of things left unsaid. I feel. Sometimes." (1972)

"I'm not technically a great pianist. I was saying to someone the other day that I wish I could play honky-tonk piano. I listen to Dr John and appreciate what he does, but then can he play the Hammond like I can? I look at myself as more of a writer than an actual performer. I can't play the piano fast - I'm no Oscar Peterson - and I can't read music. Sometimes, I wish I could sit down and play a wonderful piano concerto." (1996)

"I wasn’t close to David when he joined but I am now. He may not feel that, but it’s what I feel!" (2007)

Q: Who wrote Echoes?

Rick: Me?!

[koraesrambles]

GREAT READING ADVENTURE PART 1 (CW: pictures from the Sandman comics may be disturbing to some)

I started with the Sandman, by Neil Gaiman. A legend in comic spheres, and one that I'd been wanting to read for a while.

I found 10 volumes at my local library and have made my way through two of them so far. First off, as a horror book DAMN. DAAAAAAAAAAAAMN these books do not pull punches. They come at you like a gut punch and just keep going. I like to describe myself as someone who enjoys "horror lite" I love monsters, I love angst and crazy situations and some messed up stuff, but I'm kind of a baby about it. Things like Supernatural, Gravity Falls (It's kid friendly, but there's blood!), Buffy the Vampire Slayer, that's my jam (wow, that list makes me feel about 5 years old, but whatever! I like what I like!). The Sandman Is Not That.

The Writing

Don't get me wrong, it is beautiful in every way, but it's also a lot for a wussy like myself. I'm enthralled, captivated, unable to look away, but there have been multiple times where I've needed to close my eyes for a second and remind myself that this is a comic book, and the world isn't necessarily this dark all the time. I'm pretty triggered by children in danger/getting hurt/dying and these books don't shy away from that. But they're also just . . . so beautiful.

The writing is annoyingly amazing. I expected nothing less, it is Neil Gaiman, but sometimes as a writer you look at other people's writing and just sit back in awe. I wish I could write something like this. Or, if not exactly like this, something as beautiful and poignant as this. The story flows so beautifully. Every scene perfectly blending in with the next. Every word feels like it has a point, which makes you want to pay attention to everything to make sure you're not missing anything.

Writing is my main background, but comic writing is so different from prose. This is what I struggled with the most while drafting up OUTCAST ODYSSEY, how do I get everything across that I need to when I can't just write it all out? How do I pace it when telling a story with pictures vs words feels so different? But Neil does this so well. It felt lyrical, and I could see his influence on every single page. The art was done by someone else, but the ideas, the imagry, the way the story flows from one idea to the next, is all a result of absolutely phenomenal writing.

It reminded me to trust readers to read between the lines. It's difficult to find the line between "subtlty" and "confusing" and I am often guilty of feeling like I need to spell things out to my readers so that they won't miss anything, but more often then not that just slows down the plot and makes the whole experience clunky. You don't want to go too far in the other direction either, but Neil knew who his audience was and trusted them to at least give things a second glance. I was worried at the beginning that I'd be too dumb to figure out what he was hinting at, but he was able to patiently feed me the information without me getting frustrated or lost.

It's a skill that comes with experience and practice, but I feel like this story really really shines at it. I found myself studying the way he handled exposition and wanting to emulate it in my own work.

The Art

The art is also stunning. It's not "cute" art. It's not something that I would want to hang up in my house or look at for hours. It's amazing from a skill standpoint (which is easy for me to tell just due to my own extremely obvious shortcomings) but it's not concerned with everyone looking like hollywood movie stars.

Which . . . I mean, that's definitely a feature, not a bug. This story is not supposed to be cute, and a cutsy art style would absolutely ruin the atmosphere. It is rough and full of sharp points. it doesn't shy away from nudity or gore. The characters are not attractive, these are not anime stars, but they are compelling, and distinct enough that I was able to easily tell who everyone is, which is more often then not extremely difficult for me (i think I may be a bit face-blind).

The art adds to the horror of everything. Even when things are supposed to be calm, or sexy, or whatever, there's an edge of panic and unease to it. Part of that is the reader knowing that there's more going on behind the scenes then the character knows, but it's also the style. The heavy black shadows, the hard lines, the emphasis on some details while the obscuring of others, it all combines to perfectly compliment the writing. It's not a pleasure to look at, but that's absolutely the point. It's also extremely difficult to look away FROM. How can something simultaneously look jarring, eerie, and unpolished, while also whispering "Yes. This is beautiful art. Look at it. Bask in it."?

I'm a newbie artist. It's way beyond my skillset to even begin to figure out how they were able to accomplish this. But someday I hope I figure out the secret.

The art perfectly compliments the writing, and the two work together to tell the story. I remember feeling a little annoyed on the artists' behalf that the Sandman is always known as "Neil Gaiman's" when the art side of comics is so incredibly important. The art sets the tone and compliments the words. It helps with reading between the lines and helping us know how seriously we should be taking the words.

Characters

All of the characters are great! Except the ones I already knew. I'm not saying they were bad, just bland compared to everyone else. Constantine, the Justice League, every cameo that came up and I was excited for felt . . . not quite out of place, but not quite seamless either. I was most excited for Constantine, and he was fine, but I probably have enjoyed him more in every other comic I've ever seen him in. I know they were all included just to try and sell the first few issues of a new story, and I respect that (the amount of comics that I've read just because my favorite character showed up for a few panels is . . *cough* embarrassing), but I was kind of bummed by how little conflict they added to the story.

Constantine immediately agrees to help Morpheus (which, okay, he can see how powerful Morpheus is and doesn't want to get on his bad side, totally in character. But I like Constantine best when he's being a bit of a dickhead), when I was really expecting a bit of tension or at least antagonism between them. We briefly see Etrigan but he is so quickly outshined by Lucifer that I nearly forgot about him, Scarecrow shows up but I didn't really feel like he added much besides a familiar face, we see Scott Free (who I know very little about) and J'onn (whose reaction to Dream was probably the most interesting) but all they do is immediately tell Morpheus where he needs to go. Why were they so quick to be okay with this obviously terrifying powerful force just grabbing stuff? I guess I understand why J'onn was okay with it, since he knew who Morpheus was, but it still felt weird that there wasn't even a single moment of hesitation or resistance. They basically served as a plot GPS.

Again, there's nothing wrong with any of them, they just didn't feel as vibrant as all of the other characters we were introduced to. Even the woman who gave Dr. Destiny/Dr Dee a ride was more vivid and felt more real and purposeful than the cameos did. At least to me.

The original characters (or at least everyone I didn't recognize. Was Dr. Dee a Gaiman original or had he shown up previously? Cuz he was very much A tier villain for me,) were all amazing and vivid and lively. I cared about them way faster than I normally do, especially at the very beginning of a story. The cameos felt exactly like what they were: Cameos to sell the book.

Final Thoughts

This book is, objectively, better than anything I will ever create. And that's not even a diss on myself, it's just objective fact on the quality of this piece. I learned a lot looking through it, trying to figure out what Gaiman did that worked vs didn't. The lyricism vs crassness of the writing, the way the art complimented the dialogue, how the panels flowed and where it was easy for me to follow vs where I got a little confused. It's a beautiful book and I can absolutely see why it's a graphic novel must read. I'm planning on reading the rest of the series, but I can only read one volume a day, because the horror of it all absolutely follows me after I close the last page.

[inexplicablymine]

happy nice ask day!!

i come to you with a task: you need to go underground right now, and this requires you to create an undercover alias and backstory. please tell us the story of the new you 👀

I am assuming, considering that I have an undercover alias and backstory that money is not necessarily of object so… without further ado

My hair is incredibly distinct so that’s the first to go, a chop and a dye job, I would truly be unrecognizable with those two choices alone.

I will live in New York City, plain sight but also incredibly easy to blend in.

My name is now Eleanor Belfonte. I go by Ellie sometimes, but really Eleanor seems to suit me.

My Alias: I am a second shooter for high end event photography, weddings, catwalks, the parties you wish you were at, and the magazines that fill your news stands. I am not the main photographer so I’m never a billable name that is mentioned, but I’m still there in plain sight, hiding between layers of black behind a lens more expensive than your last two months of rent.

My new Background: I grew up going to private schools on either coast in the states, but I never spent more than a year at each because family was moving around (#militarybrat of some high ranking parents that I would never be so gauche to disclose) so if you don’t remember why I was in your top circle it’s because I was only there for a few months, but yes, I was absolutely at that party in highschool with you. I spent summers in Santa Fe, New Mexico in the art community there studying under the Majors who took the photos on all of your favorite posters growing up. I spent a year between my non traditional art school experience and starting up under a mentor backpacking around Central Asia gaining experience and building a portfolio. One of my shots was sold to a private buyer for an undisclosed amount of money, NDA’s darling of course. I now have my pick of events and which of the Who’s Who of the city I want to listen in on tonight. I am a fly on the wall. Everyone loves “that second shooter you had for that last party I don’t remember her name” and that’s why I keep getting hired. I’m discreet and good enough to get the shots while letting the main photographer shine.

I keep to myself in my small apartment, collecting stories, always alert. If the walls of these buildings could talk they would share the secrets I am already keeping.

[ritens]

[wf] Their Headache I : Background

Zariman / Warframes / Old War

Every tenno’s story begins with the Orokin ship, Zariman Ten Zero. It was a military ship sent into void in a discreet attempt to reach the Tau System to populate the place. The ship was lost in a void jump. Caserin Kyn was one among many other child survivors. This trip was meant to be temporary for him. His parents were supposed to come pick him up at some point. They weren’t on the ship as far as he knew so he remained hopeful that they hadn’t lost their sanity and didn't meet their demise like the parents of many other kids had.

The lost ship was found days later and Kyn was hidden away along with the other children. Until a ‘happy accident’ caused the discovery that the tenno could relieve certain monsters of their stress with the abilities they had gained from the void jump. From then on all he knew was violence through warframes, living organisms turned into crazed beasts.

The surviving children gained a new purpose and were taken under the caring wing of Margulis who was determined to find a way to allow the tenno to control their powers and thus blend back into society. With infestation manipulation on the rise, Margulis taught them how to transfer their consciousness into the warframes. To protect the tenno from bodily harm, they were locked away in a reservoir on Earth’s moon, Lua, and seated in Somatic Links.

When the Sentients waged war upon the Orokin Empire, the tenno were trained to fight for their Orokin masters. Without ever leaving the reservoir, they operated the warframes and pushed back the Sentient threat. 

Kyn didn’t have a set warframe and took over whatever human slash machine he could get his consciousness onto. If one got incapacitated, he switched to another, at one point unintentionally making home in an incomplete warframe. The warframe’s own consciousness refused his hold and Kyn had to desert the battle on Earth’s surface in favor of finding a place to hide.

Both of them went dormant sooner than most other tenno. An act of self-preservation.

Awakening / Second Dream

Possibly hundreds of years later, the incomplete, still feral warframe woke up in a cave filled with water. In panic it forced the tenno inhabiting its mind to wake up from cryosleep as well. Much earlier than intended by the Sentient mimic, Lotus, who had taken up the role of Margulis as programmed by the Orokin during the Old War.

“Help me! I can’t swim!” a voice shouted in Kyn’s mind causing him to groggily blink his eyes open.

“What are you talking about? Who are you?” The tenno replied to what felt like an extension of himself, “get out of my head!”

“I am Luke Devan. You are in MY head!” The warframe attempted an introduction but the threat of slipping underwater lent him no patience. He pathetically grabbed at nearby rocks but his rusty limbs didn’t quite listen to his wishes so he opted to continue persuading the adolescent human being instead. “You’re tenno are you not? Don’t you have the massive brain power to make others do your bidding or whatever?”

“I’m a what!? How could I possibly make you do anything…” Kyn’s groggy confusion knew no bounds. He tried to concentrate as best as he could but nothing made sense to him yet.

“Oh, sweet void, I can’t believe this is happening. What kind of nightmare did I sacrifice myself for…” Luke groaned.

And then something clicked in Kyn’s mind and his mental gears started rotating. “Wait. You are a warframe. A Warframe! But how are you talking to me?”

“Child! Just do your weird void magick already-” Luke shouted just as he noticed himself swiftly climbing up the wet rocks like they were mere pebbles on a hiking trail. There was no weakness in his body. He didn’t feel a thing.

The two didn’t exchange any further words. Kyn managed to free himself from the Somatic Link, disconnecting himself from the warframe in the process. It took some time for him to gather his bearings, and even more time to take control of his own extremities. Caserin explored the abandoned mess that was Lua, once a grand center for the Orokin, now devoid of life. He didn’t dare wake up any other Tenno as he believed they were supposed to be this way. He had been connected to a faulty warframe model and it was his problem to deal with.

Caserin Kyn spent far too many years alone on Lua until the arrival of the new Sentient threat. Until Lotus came to pick up her sleeping children.

He received his own orbiter to pilot and missions to take upon, but he never quite readjusted to socializing and instead opted to go alone. Warframes posed another issue. Kyn developed a distaste for them due to the incident with the incomplete machine that caused him a great deal of grief alongside a lengthy solitude. He was given a Nezha warframe at one point but handed it down to another tenno without even connecting to it once.

The War Within

There was a situation that prompted a tenno to go and investigate unusual activity in the Reservoirs on Lua. Teshin was behind this. He essentially lured the tenno into investigating himself further and that led the child to the Grineer Queens to become a sacrifice for their Continuity ritual. In their mental fight against the influence of the Queens, the tenno unearthed forgotten memories and knowledge that Margulis had made the Zariman children forget in order to protect themselves and others… from themselves. 

Upon the defeat of the older Queen, the tenno returned and passed the re-acquired knowledge onto other Tenno. The Zariman children were finally able to use warframes without being strapped to their Somatic Link seats.

When he first heard of this, Kyn thought he had no use of it. He was sure that he would never use a warframe. But after being continuously hassled by an ex-classmate “What? Is the big bully scared of what he might unearth about himself?”, he gave in and did his best to dig into his own 'forgotten' memories. He’d gone through them so many times, there was no way he could find anything new. But with a bit of tough love driven support he found what he was looking for. His own spark.

Kyn was determined to extend his theoretical trip back in time to, perhaps, find the warframe that had abruptly woken him up and ruined a good portion of his conscious life.

Finding Luke

Most of the warframes Kyn had hopped to and from during the Old War were long gone so finding traces of his own energy wasn’t a time consuming task. Maybe just a bit challenging depending on distance. But not impossible as long as the destination warframe was still in usable condition.

Caserin wasn’t confident with his abilities yet so he sat down in his orbiter’s own Somatic Link for the first time and closed his eyes. After fighting with misty darkness for roughly 15 minutes, right as he was about to give up, he managed to form contact with something. 

And suddenly he wasn’t seeing with his own eyes anymore.

The sight before him was red, dusty and bright. A classic Mars scenery. And then there were the grineer charging at him with guns blazing.

“OH SHIT!” Kyn shouted, startling his host. The warframe briefly observed their own hands to check who’s in control, before sprinting towards the grineer and slicing in half whatever body got close.

Once the last man standing was down, the warframe propped themselves up against a rock pillar and just stood there. The tenno didn’t do anything either as he was expecting the warframe to say or show something but nothing happened even after a couple minutes of waiting. At that point Kyn took the reins with the intention of inspecting the host.

The warframe felt as well as appeared to be presenting as male and was clad in a worn down tailcoat. He had threads of infestation protruding from places on his legs and arms, and perhaps elsewhere but Kyn couldn’t see that much without a mirror. Despite the disheveled state the warframe was in, he appeared to have some innate poise. The tenno was making mental notes when suddenly the warframe pulled away from his influence to rest an arm on hip and impatiently tap a foot.

Kyn couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the expressed attitude. He remembered the same kind of sass which the warframe spoke with back when he got woken up. But the warframe having such a high level of awareness still made no sense to him. The machine was acting on its own even now.

The tenno finally spoke, starting with a question. “You’re Luke, are you not?”

The warframe remained quiet. Kyn could see the frame bring a hand to rest on his chin as if to have a moment of thought. Then the warframe looked around until his vision fell to the ground. He drew a question mark in the dirt with his foot.

“Huh.” Kyn didn’t expect this nonverbal reply but quickly told himself that it’s been a very long time and it might be possible that the warframe went through significant changes too. It was a plausible assumption.

“Do you have an operator?” the tenno asked another, perhaps silly, question.

The warframe drew a horizontal line in the sand. Kyn quickly deciphered it as ‘negative’. So the warframe was on his own.

“I’m going to bring you in. We need to talk face to face.” The tenno finally stated the end goal, and the warframe got down on his knees before using his fingers to draw a menacing smile :) in the sand. Kyn immediately knew this was going to be a very tedious task. The warframe was going to fight for the control of his own body, tooth and nail.

[unlithour]

On Finding Oneself

It seems to me that finding oneself usually requires some sort of journey. I wish more than anything that I could push through the coats of an overstuffed wardrobe and step into Narnia. Fall through the looking glass and embark on a mad adventure.

Or maybe find a wrinkle in time, a way to return and repair my past mistakes; to pass hard earned wisdom on to my younger self. But in truth I'm in my mid thirties and on a budget. So here I am with only a lantern searching in this unlit hour.

Sipping my Blanchard's Dark As Dark blend with the Gallow Dance playing quietly in the background, I sit with the acknowledgment that I will not step through some magic portal. Probably won't even take a trip to Norway to lay in the crisp snow beneath the Aurora Borealis, which would also more than suffice.

I google "how to find yourself" and the results are frankly disappointing. I'm too jaded for positive thinking, too cynical for manifestation, and too cranky for affirmations. I'm reminded of the meditation penguin from Fight Club. *Slide!*

While any sort of grand adventure may be off the table for now, recreating a similar environment to a time in which I was enamored with the world may be a possible step in the right direction. This tiny hope, is in part responsible for my return to Tumblr and to writing. To me they are both relics of 2008, and symbolic of better days.

So I start this low budget quest to rediscover myself by creating a simple list of things I was once inspired by and enjoyed.

Activities:

Hanging out at book shops & cafes

Reading

Writing

Drawing, painting, & mixed media

Listening to new albums

Watching Criterion & Art House films + new movies in general

Playing PS1 games and board games

Visiting galleries, local artist co-ops, & museums

Solo camping

Day trips to other towns, national parks, & scenic destinations

Browsing art supplies at my local art store

Urban walk-abouts at night

Photography for fun

Dressing up for no reason

Live concerts

Researching & studying artists I loved

Paint your own pottery places

Y/A Books:

Mandy / The Last of The Really Great Whangdoodles

The Secret Garden / A Little Princess

The Chronicles of Narnia

The Harry Potter Series

A Wrinkle In Time Series

The NeverEnding Story

His Dark Materials Series

The Newford Charles De Lint Series

The Princess Bride

The Dark is Rising Series

Anything by Roald Dahl

The Light Princess

Wind in the Willows

The Hobbit & LOTR

The Historian

The Shadow of The Wind

Perault's & Grimm's Fairytales

Gothic / Atmospheric Literature:

Wuthering Heights

Picture of Dorian Gray

Dracula

Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe

Music:

Heavy metal, melodic metal, & doom/sludge metal

Dark wave, cold wave, & gothic rock

90's grunge, alt rock, & trip hop

80's synth wave

Artists:

Edward Gorey

Rene Margritte

Aubrey Beardsley

Erté

Marjorie Miller

Claude Monet

Elias van den Broeck

Dorothea Tanner

Edward Hopper

Mark Ryden

Artemisia Gentileschi

Botticelli

DaVinci

Michelangelo

Movies:

Waking Life

Fight Club

Vengeance Trilogy

Spirited Away

Style Wars

Any Art21 Documentary

Edward Scissorhands

Cry Baby

Labyrinth

American Beauty

Train Hopping

Heavy Metal

Dead Poets Society

A Scanner Darkly

Kill Bill Volumes

Any classic Disney animated film (except for the sad ones like Bambi)

Do you have any reading or watching suggestions based on this list? I'd love to hear them.

[moveslikeanape]

hey, i just wanted to let you know i love your blog!! tarzan is such a great movie and really needs more appreciation. what's your favorite thing about it?

Thank you so much, I'm so glad you like it!! I completely agree, Tarzan needs far more love! (fingers crossed it gets some attention for the 25th anniversary next year!)

As to your question, that's such a hard one to answer!! I've been asking myself that for years, but the answer always seems to be just… everything!

I wish it could be something deep and meaningful like how the story shows you don't have to be blood to be family, or that you don't have to fit in to belong, or even that I somehow connect with the story or characters. I could go on for days about how incredible the animation is, just how visually stunning every background is and how well 2D and CG animation blend together to make you feel like you're actually moving through the jungle, how epic the songs are and how absolutely perfect the score is, how beautifully crafted all the characters are, how authentic this Tarzan feels (I know you can only go so far with human actors, but still)… I honestly just love everything about it so much that its too hard to pick just one favourite thing.

All I know is that I love it. And that somehow, even after almost 25 years, I still fall more in love with it everyday.

Thank you so much for your question, and have a wonderful time in the jungle!