#I will update if i need to stopp accepting

[virtue-and-beneviolence]

Vi's Selfies Event

This one's all about being self indulgent. self shipping. self love. etcetc. So many folks are shy about self shipping and for silly reasons. That's why I'm here to say fuck it for you. For the next week or so, we're celebrating the joys of daydreaming about your faves.

"But that's cringe, virtue." Disrespectfully fuck off. If someone wants to bitch or judge anyone having some good, harmless, self-soothing fun, they're not welcome here...Now that that's outta the way, lets talk about how this is gonna go down :)

You (yes, YOU!) are going to send me an ask about the self ship of your choice. Tell me a bit about yourself. Tell me a bit about your character (I don't know every anime super well so this could be really important if its not tokrev or another one I'm really engaged with). Send a mood board or playlist or anything you think will help me appreciate the dynamic! Pic crews of you and your fave are welcome!

In return you'll get me gushing over you and your fave. Simple as that. Some little headcanons or scenarios for you to ponder, and probably some questions about your beloved self ship dynamic!

Important notes and rules:

Unless you explicitly request me not to, the ask will be published with your silly lil head canons or scenarios.

You don't have to be a moot, but I will not accept anons for this event for logistical reasons. PLUS this is unabashed self shipping! Nothing but resounding support here so no need for anon!

I will only answer one ask per person - so choose your self ship carefully!

You are not restricted to TokRev, but know I may not be very familiar with your character and that might affect the kind of content you get back.

I may get a little suggestive in the HCs so clearly state somewhere in your ask if a little suggestive content is a hard no

Be respectful to anyone and everyone else who takes part and consider interacting more with others' self ships.

I still reserve the right to refuse an ask if I feel uncomfortable, I don't expect that to happen, but I'd like to disclaim that upfront anyway

Block SelfVi's Event if you dont want to see this

So if you ever needed a sign that it's okay to talk about your self ship, consider this it and drop by for the SelfVi's event :)

[91percentpynch]

lonely heart - kevaaron au pt 4

oh look it‘s me, coming out of my dark hole to make you suffer with a super sad chapter with a nasty cliffhanger:) so get your tissues ready and enjoy!! okay first of all sorry that i didn‘t update this in a g e s and that it‘s rather short and for the cliffhanger, but i‘ll try to update it more regularly now:)

check this out for the other parts:)

trigger warnings: drug abuse, mention of suicide, mention of mental health issues, very sad aaron, mention of blood

“You were too good for me”, Aaron whispered into the void. “You were way too fucking good for me. You made me a better man. And I fucked up”

Aaron got up as he felt the tears burning in his eyes. He knew he wouldn‘t be able to sleep alone tonight. Like every single goddamn night since he left Kevin. Like every single goddamn night since he made the biggest mistake of his life.

„Taylor?“, the blonde haired boy murmered, „You up?“

„Babe, you know I‘m up. My girlfriend lives three states away, we talk every single day at the same time as you call your man. Not that I would be able to sleep when you call him, cause a) i love Day and b) you‘re always sad and high and end up in my room anygays, so did he take the phone darling?“

Taylor was Aaron‘s roommate and the closest thing he had to a best friend. She had been there for him every single day, cuddled him, held him while he cried and dried his tears afterwards. And Aaron did the same when she misssed her girlfriend too much.

„You do realize he is not my man anymore, I fucked that up. Big time. He did actually take the phone just to tell me to fuck off and stop calling“

„You could always go over there and say it in his pretty face. Didn’t say you can’t come over did he?Pro point: Might lead to making out“, Taylor said while taking him in her arms. „Plus another pro point: you‘d get sober again. And you‘re less moody. No offense but a Kevin-less Aaron is hardly managable, like you‘re either a whiny little bitch or you‘ll give me the death glare of the cenutry. Legit worse than Andrew‘s and I called him a cute little baby boo once when I was drunk and he almost stabbed me right there with a look on his face like I just murdered Neil in front of him“

„Tay, I take that as a compliment. And we both know Kevin’s a bit of a dumbass so he did not exactly tell me Not To Come over just stopp calling. Anyways I don‘t even know where he lives. And stop talking about me getting high, you do the same shit“

„Yeah but I know my limits and I have not the same history as you. And for the i DoN‘t EvEn KnOwS wHeRe He LiVeS, phone number. Now“

„O- okay“, Aaron said and told her Kevin‘s phone number while Taylor calmingly stroked his back.

„Neat, got him“, Taylor said after a while. „He‘s with the scary big dude and his adorable little boyfriend I think? I have their address right here, I think we‘re gonna visit them tomorrow cause it‘s like 4 am right now and we don‘t wanna rob him his beauty sleep plus we don‘t want to wake the scary big dude. And I‘m pretty sure the adorable small golden retriver boy could and would stab us“

„Did you just stalk my ex and located his phone at 4 am like fucking Garcias in Criminal Minds?“, Aaron said confused.

„Anything for you big guy. And as I said I miss Day‘s pretty face, preferably in your pretty face so you shut the fuck up about how stressed and depressed and lonely you are.“, Taylor chuckled as Aaron looked at her shocked.

„Well I miss Casey, preferable in your face so YOU shut up“, Aaron was never as good in witty remarks as his brother. Especially high Aaron.

„Babe I think it‘s time for you to go to bed, you‘re not fun when you‘re sad, high and tired. Come here, let me cuddle you, while you whiney little bitch sleep“

Aaron slowly went over to Taylor and into her loving arms, laying down, trying to fall asleep.

After a long while aaron drifted into sleep, just to be greeted by familiar smaragd eyes. In his dream Kevin and he never broke up. Kevin was on top of him, his hands gently discovered Aaron‘s body, touching him as if he was sacred, something to worship. Kevin‘s lips were at Aaron‘s ear whispering sweet nothingness. Aaron‘s hips moved against Kevin‘s loving touch. „Stress release“ Kevin called these holy moments in dawn. „Highlight of my day“ Aaron called them.

The dream was as beautiful as it was cruel. It was as if his body, his mind were as much refusing as able to believe that Kevin was gone. It was his own fault, Aaron knew it. But the ever present voice of his mother, disapproving and disgusting, in his head was just too much for him to handle. He thought - foolish as Aaron was - that the pain of living without Kevin would be better, less cruel, less painful. But he never knew real love and therefore never experienced its lost. Until that faitful day. Until Kevin took his bags and left.

Aaron was used to pain. The hot one after an extraordinarily vicious hit. The cold one when his mother died. The numbing one when the hunger was growing more and more unbareable. But nothing was even slightly as hard to handle as the loss of Kevin in his life.

Kevin was the first good thing Aaron had. He gave him a will to stay, to try, to give this stupid sport everything he got. And Exy turned into more mundane things like getting his eating routine under control or getting a more or less acceptable sleeping schedule. The dark days were still there, for both of them, and they would probably never leave them completely alone, but they got less. And when they did happen they would hold each other together.

Ever since he fucked up things with Kevin, Aaron had more and more dark days. The voice of his mother telling him he‘s a failure, the bored stare of his brother and Aaron convincing himself Andrew wouldn‘t even bet an eye if he died, the voice telling him the world would be a better place without him growing louder and lourder every passing day.

Logically he could say that the death of a single person wouldn‘t change much for the over all world population, expect maybe it‘s some kind of insane mademan dicator or someone important, but still. It made sense. All he did after all was fucking up, being a failure, never good enough, never perfect.

His lonely heart only screamed Kevin‘s name and he knew if Kevin didn‘t take him back, his life wouldn‘t make much sense anymore. Well he would definetly not tell Kevin that. He would not manipulate Kevin into loving him, because that wouldn‘t be much better than not having him at all.

Aaron woke up the next day around noon. He didn‘t really feel like getting up, like getting up was simply too much. But Aaron knew he had to. He didn‘t want to worry Taylor more than he already did. And it would end today. One way or the other.

So he got up, put on the first pair of black jeans he could find and the first sweater his hands could find. Ironically it was one of the sweaters Kevin gave him, on the third of december last year. It was one of Aaron‘s favourites as well.

„Ready for the big Day, small guy?“, Taylor said winking at him.

„Not really? What the fuck am I supposed to do there anyways?“, Aaron replied on his way to the coffee maker.

„Talk to him? Deliver one of those borderline cringe big speeches. Get im flowers. Break into his bedroom and say ‚Draw me like one of your french girls‘, naked of course“, Taylor laughed at the face Aaron made, listening to her suggestions.

„I think I like the big speech. I mean I‘m shit with words, but I‘m sure you want to help your boy getting ‚his man‘ back, right? Also what kind of flowers would you give someone you dumped cause the voice of your dead mother told you it was wrong and disgusting, which you never told him for obvious reasons?“

„Honey, you‘re so fucked up sometimes, I love you but you should go to a therapist or something. Also I‘d say sunflowers or roses? I don‘t speak flowers man, I‘m the tech nerd. Not the romantic one, the nerd. But we‘re gonna make a snazzy speech and you‘re gonna get your man back“

After their typical breakfast - if Aaron didn‘t forget to eat again - they sat down together on the living room floor, paper and pen ready, trying to write the world changing speech.

„Why is this so fucking hard? Why can I only tell him how much I love and miss him when I‘m high off my ass“, Aaron complained.

„What about you don‘t think about him that much. Just tell me what you love about him and then we write that down?“, Taylor suggested.

Aaron took a deep breathe and closed his eyes. „I loved him because he was the first one who saw me. Aaron Minyard. And not just the other Minyard, the lesser twin, the shadow of Andrew. He looked at me and somehow chose me. Even if he could have had everyone else. He chose me, even though I‘m not special. Kevin chose the failure when he could have had the first prize. He looked at me and saw something worth loving, worth keeping around. Hardly anyone could tell Andrew and me apart. But it took him less than a day to do so. Kevin is strong, so so strong and somehow chose the most fragile thing he could find, took it and made it worth soemthing. Kevin made me feel something. Not numbness. Not pain. Something warm and beautiful and living. He gave me a reason to stay alive. Kevin made my life bearable, he made my life beautiful. We were both broken and we would probably still be broken if we were together but we softened each other‘s edges. Kevin believed in me when no one else would. He knew how I felt, knew what I needed and when I needed it. Kev gave me love and safety and I kicked it with my feet. This man is like a god who fell for whatever reasons for a homeless man. And I know I don‘t deserve him but I also know I cannot live without him. And I know that I must tell him that before it‘s too late. If it‘s not too late already“

Taylor wipped a tear out of her eyes. „That‘s it. You tell him that and we‘ll get him back“, she said. „Can I hug you?“

„Sure you loser“

„Ah there is my boy“

They spent the rest of the afternoon writing down the speech, making edits here and there. In the end Aaron collected the pages and went to his room to change. He replaced Kevin‘s sweater with a simple black jumper, put on his Docs, got his keys and left.

Aaro did feel a little uncomfortable, stalking Kevin like that. But he knew this was his chance to fix things. This was his chance to get Kevin back, to make his life worth living again. Which to be fair was a bit selfish, but you are allowed to be a little selfish sometimes, aren‘t you?

Jean and Jeremy‘s apartment complex was a 15 minute drive away from the flat Aaron shared with his three roommates. Theirs was fanzier, obviously. After all Jeremy was a professional Exy player and Jean was some kind of semi famous artist or fashion maker or whatever. They could give Kevin the world. They could give him what he desereved. All Aaron had to offer was an apology and his love. No money. Not yet anyway. Just anxiety, depression and stress.

But if Kevin was willing to take his love, to give Aaron one more chance, he promised himself Aaron would make it count. He will tell Kevin how much he loves Kevin every single god damn day. Aaron will get therapy and work on his issues. Sober up and this time for good. He will do anything to be worth of god‘s love. Just that god in his case was a twenty two year old boy with black hair, forming soft waves at the end and a smile that will make the sun jealous. Eyes made out of smaragd. Lips so sinful and kissable.

Aaron sat down in front of the door, waiting for his courage to come back to him. He could do this. He would get his man back.

Hours passed, or maybe it were only minutes or seconds after all before someone came closer. Ever so slowly Aaron lifted his head, just to look in the ever so familiar green eyes, big with shock.

„You said to stop calling. You never mentioned face to face conversations“, Aaron said, his voice hoarse.

Kevin stared at him as if he was a ghost, a reminder of his past life, something he rather wanted to forget.

„Look I know I fucked up. I know I‘m not good enough for you. I know you deserve the world and I cannot give it to you. And when you look me in the eyes and tell me you don‘t feel anything for me anymore, no love or hate or affection or whatever humans feel, I will turn away right now and go and never come back. Never bother you again. But if you allow me to apologize, if you however decide to gieve me one last chance, I prepared this whole ass speech for you“

Aaron was sure they could hear his heart beating against his chest, roaring, screaming to return home. To return to Kevin where it belonged.

Kevin‘s eyes wandered to the floor, his fingers automatically closed around his left wrist. A nervous habit. Just another little part that makes Aaron‘s heart ache.

Slowly, almost painfully slowly, he lifted those unbelieveable beautiful eyes and met Aaron‘s golden ones. Kevin studied him and the world around them stopped.

Out of the corner of Aaron‘s eyes he could see Jean going still, his breathing too calm, too even. It‘s the same thing Andrew does when someone fucks with Josten. At least his death would be fast. Or slow. Whatever. Aaron didn‘t really care, without Kevin it wasn‘t worth anygthing anyway.

„Why“, Kevin said after what feels like forever, „Why would I forgive you? Why would I give you another chance? Why would you think you can come back here just to fuck me over again? Aaron I loved you, I really did. I always will. You were my first love and maybe, yeah maybe, my last one. But right now I can‘t. I just, I just can‘t. Please leave. Please leave me alone. For now. Maybe, one day we can talk about it. But right now I cannot handle the thought of you to leave me. To tell me all these beautiful lies, to cut me open and leave me to bleed out. I love you“, tears were running down Kevin‘s cheek. Tears Aaron one day, a long time ago, promised himself he would never let Kevin feel again. Pain. Sadness. Everything because of his failure, because of his weakness, because he‘s a fucking piece of shit.

„Thank you for giving me a reason to stay. Jusst remember that you were my light, my warmth, my happiness and I never stopped loving you. Never will. Please just be happy“, Aaron replied as he turned around to walk to his cars.

When he was sure he was out of ear shot, he let himself feel. Feel the pain. Feel the loneliness. Feel the numbness and the cold and the hatred. It was in that moment, that moment where he was alone and nothing more to lose, that he decided that it was enough. He would end it. End it tonight.

„Thank you“, he texted Taylor. „I‘m glad I didn‘t eat you in the womb“, he texted Andrew. „You were not so bad after all“, he sent to Neil. And lastly „Thank you for taking me under your wing“, to Nicky. They would understand. It would take them some time but in the end they would feel better. They would be happier without them. Because at the end of the day he caused them pain and wasn‘t really worth a thing.

So when he got in his car, tears running uncontrallably down his cheeks, he knew what he had to do.

[originalhybridloverfics]

You’re Not Broken, You’re Stronger Than You Know Ch2

A/N: I am finally updating this story. I hope you like this chapter!

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Felicity shifted on her feet, feeling a little nervous. Oliver wasn’t here to do this, and she thought he should have been. Felicity didn’t begrudge him for needing to take some time to himself. After everything he’d been through, she believed he earned that right. 

Still, it didn’t change the fact there was a city, his city that needed him. His best friend just lost his father. Malcolm was the worst, but he was still Tommy’s father. 

Tommy, who had been seriously injured, hospitalized and was looking at a very long road to recovery. Moira was in jail. Walter was doing his best to keep QC afloat. A near-impossible task considering the scandal behind Moira and Robert Queen’s involvement in the Undertaking that had leveled the Glades and killed over 300 people. Thea was on her own besides Walter and Tommy, her brother up and left, her mother was in prison and her boyfriend, Roy, was having constant run-ins with the law. 

Felicity felt like it was up to her to pick up the fractured pieces of Oliver’s life, his family. At least she still had Digg to talk to and help shoulder the burden.

Felicity took a deep breath and nodded to herself. She walked forward not paying much regard to the man in a black suit standing guard. 

“Miss, you can’t go in.” his hand shot out blocking her. 

Felicity pursed her lips. “I just want to check in on a friend.” 

“I understand, but I’m under strict instructions that unless you’re Thea Queen or Laurel Lance, you are not going in there.” 

Felicity glared, she wanted to yell at him, but she knew he was just doing his job. “Fine, could you tell him Felicity stopp-”

“Wait, you’re Felicity Smoak?” The guard’s stern tone change, becoming more friendly. 

“Last time I checked that’s what it says on my birth certificate,” Felicity responded with an arched brow. 

“Sorry about that, ma’am.” he apologized, stepping aside to let her pass. 

“I thought I wasn’t allowed unless I was Thea or Laurel?” She questioned. 

“Mr. Diggle gave one exception to that order,” he answered. “With Felicity Smoak being the exception. Again, I apologize, Ma’am.” 

“It’s okay, Mr..” Felicity trailed off expectantly. 

“James Evans.” Evans supplied. 

“It’s okay, Mr. Evans, I know you’re just doing your job.” 

Evan’s nodded in reply, and she smiled politely moving past him and pushing her way into the room he was guarding. Her eyes taking in the white walls, the beeping monitor and the man hooked up to it with an IV drip. 

His skin was pale, his lips cracked and dry with dark circles under his eyes, his hair was unruly and spiked up in a case of terrible bedhead. Honestly, Felicity had never seen Tommy Merlyn look worse for wear. 

He looked up as she entered his room, registering surprise. “Felicity?”

“Hey, I brought you some get well flowers. I figured they could brighten up your room a bit.” His room was pretty sparse of get-well cards or flowers.

“I’m afraid all I’m getting these days are death threats calling for a Merlyn’s head. It’s why your friend Mr. Diggle thought it necessary to have security stationed at my door.” 

Felicity frowned, placing the flowers on his hospital tray table. “The city is looking for someone to blame. Mrs. Queen is in custody, but Malcolm is dead, and because Mr. Merlyn is dead they’re looking for the next scapegoat, so they figure why not the last remaining Merlyn. Still, none of that makes it right. What your father did isn’t on you. None of this is your fault.”

Tommy’s eyes shuttered at the mention of his father. “Oliver promised me, he didn’t kill him. He lied.” 

Felicity pursed her lips. “He thought you were going to die, and he didn’t want that to be your last memory. I know it doesn’t excuse his lying, but he was trying to give you peace of mind in what he believed was going to be your last moments.”

Tommy frowned at her. “You make it really hard for a guy to be mad when you make his actions sound rational.” 

“Things look rational from an outsider's perspective. I’m not saying you can’t be angry or mad at him. After everything that has happened between the two of you in the past couple of months, I think you deserve to feel; however, you want.” 

Tommy’s brow furrowed. “What are you saying then?” 

“I’m saying if you’re going to be mad and blame Oliver at least look at it from a clear perspective and make sure it’s for the right reasons.” 

A silence fell over them as he considered her words. A part of Tommy knew she was right. He was angry with Oliver, but it wasn’t all about his dad. It was about Laurel, about Oliver’s willingness to kill. It was about the secrets and lack of trust. It was the fact that he no longer knew who his best friend was. 

Yes, he blamed Oliver for all of it. But how did he stop blaming Oliver when he was at the center of it all. 

“I hear you, but I don’t know how to not be mad about everything and being stuck in this hospital doesn’t help any,” said Tommy doing his best not to take his anger out on her that he felt for Oliver.  

“Maybe what you need is time,” Felicity said quietly. “Time to work through your anger and time to heal.” 

“Maybe,” Tommy said though he didn’t believe it was that easy or that simple. 

“In any case, I’m here if you need anything,” Felicity smiled. “Even if you just need a substitute friend.”

“Substitute friend?” Tommy repeated, he felt his lips tugging up into a small smile despite his bad mood. 

“Yeah, you know, like a stand-in friend. Since I would be subbing in for Oliver, filling in for him since he decided he couldn’t be here right now.”

“Felicity Smoak has anyone ever told you, you’re a little on the weird side?”

Felicity smiled wryly. “You wouldn’t be the first to say that.” 

“All the best people are,” Tommy continued flashing Felicity a small grin. 

Felicity smiled and shook her head just as the door to Tommy’s room opened again, Tommy’s face lighting up with his latest visitor. “Thea,” he greeted. 

“Hey, I was going to come by sooner, but it’s tough avoiding the media right now. It’s a shit show out there.” Thea greeted, her eyes moved to Felicity, her brow furrowing. “Hey, don’t I know you. You’re Oliver’s friend, right? You came to the hospital when Walter came back. Felicity, I think it was?

“Yes, that was me,” Felicity nodded. 

“I didn’t know you were friends with Tommy, too,” Thea glanced at Tommy. 

“We met through Oliver and the club. She set up the club’s Wifi, and she’s been a good friend.” Tommy told her. “You should get to know each other. I’m sure the two of you would hit it off.” 

“I’m gonna go, but I’ll see you later. Tommy.” Felicity interjected. 

“You don’t have to leave.” Tommy protested. 

“Yeah, stay, if you’re going to be hanging around Tommy and Oliver, I definitely think we should get to know each other better.” Thea took the chair next to Tommy’s bedside, leaning back in the seat and crossing her legs gracefully. “So Felicity, just what kind of friends are you with Tommy and Oliver?” 

“The usual kind?” Felicity said she hadn’t meant to sound so unsure, but she suddenly felt like she was sitting in an interrogation room, and Thea Queen was her interrogator. 

Her flight and fight instincts were kicking in but how the hell was she supposed to just walk out with Tommy looking at her like he was looking for acceptance and Thea like she was her new project. 

With a sigh, she settled into the second chair. “What do you want to know?”

Thea leaned forward with keen interest. “I know how you and Tommy met, but how did you meet my brother? How long have you been friends? Or you really just friends or something more? Just how close are you to Tommy and Oliver?”

Felicity’s eyes widened as Thea fired question after question in rapid succession, Tommy snickering in the background. 

Felicity didn’t know where to start answering Thea’s question, and all she could think was...

What did she just get herself into?

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

A/N: Thanks for reading!

If anyone wants to be tag for this one let me know!