#I wasn’t able to go to Tatinof because they didn’t come here

[an-internet-introvert]

OH MY GOD I CAN ACTUALLY SEE DAN AND PHIL ON TOUR

[septic84]

The stranger who loved me.

Writing a book about our lives as Dan and Phil the YouTubers was surreal. I wasn’t sure how we pulled that off let alone the tour we were about to start. The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire sparked The Amazing Tour Is Not On Fire and we were about to go on stage to perform our first show. Everything was going smoothly until it wasn’t. I saw Phil stumble, try to regain composure, then fall off of the stage.

   A03

“Oh shit,” my voice echoed over the microphone, I reached down to switch it off, waiting to see Phil come back up the stairs. When he didn’t, I hurried down to him.  

“Phil, are you okay?” I said approaching him. The crowd was whispering and talking hushed. Phil didn’t respond. “Phil?” When I looked down at him, he laid still, there was a pool of blood under his head. “Oh my God!” By this time our security team had already started to section off the area as the medical staff was making their way towards us. I leaned down and switched off Phil’s mic. “Hey, hang in there okay? Help is coming.” He didn’t move.  An announcement was made to the theater that there was an emergency and for everyone to stay seated. I heard people crying in the audience, I couldn’t blame them, I was almost in tears myself.  I knew when Phil was well again, he would feel really bad about making so many people so upset due to his clumsiness. He had finally managed to hurt himself badly due to his constant tripping over his own feet.    

When we got to hospital, a member of the security team was allowed to go with him and wait outside the door, I, however, was asked to stay in the waiting room. Nervously my knee bounced up and down as I wrung my hands and stared at my feet, I really wanted to be with Phil.  Not knowing what was going on was killing me.  It seemed like days had passed when A doctor came out to give us information.  

“Philip Lester?” I stood up and walked to the doctor.  

“Relation?”  

“He’s my,” I paused, “Best friend and flatmate. We were in the middle of our stage show when he fell.”  

He nodded, “Okay, come with me.” The doctor started to rattle off information too quickly for me to keep up. Several medical terms later I had sussed out that he had broken his nose, had swelling on his brain and was in a coma. “He is stable right now; we have a specialist coming in the morning to review his charts,”  

“Okay,” I said as we entered the room. Phil was hooked up to several machines and an IV. His head was wrapped in gauze, his eyes were both black from bruising.    

“I’ll leave you for now,” The doctor gave a sympathetic smile and left.    

I sat next to his bed, “Oh Phil,” I choked. I could hear the beeping of the monitors and machinery as I laid my head down on the bed, not able to contain it anymore, tears slid down my face. I was so scared, Phil looked too fragile and helpless. What was worse is I knew I couldn’t do anything for him. Not at all.    

I must have dozed off as I was startled awake by a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Martyn smiling down at me, sadly. “Hi,”    

“Hey. I would have let you sleep, but they say the specialist should be here soon,”    

I nodded, “How long have you been here?”    

He shrugged, “Few hours,”    

“I can’t believe he is laying here literally because he fell off of the stage. “  

Martyn chuckled humorlessly, “Leave it to Phil,”  

“The swelling is already going down,” the specialist said after she had his head scanned again.  “He should wake up in the next few days, granted he keeps making progress like this.” She looked at Martyn, then me, “It’s good news, boys.” She smiled, nodded and walked out.  

Three days later Phil woke up. I was making my way back to him from the bathroom when I heard him groan in pain and saw his eyes flutter open.  

“Hi there, Phily,” I said softly. He turned and looked at me, his face held the look of utter confusion, I laughed. “You fell off the stage, you absolute mess.”  

“I was on a stage?”  

“TATINOF?”  

“What?”  

I shook my head, “It’s okay Phil, take your time.  I will properly drag you and we can talk about all that when you are feeling better,” I smiled at him.  

“Well, that’s nice I guess,” he paused, “but I have no idea who you are.”  

“Haha, very funny,”  

“I wasn’t being funny,”    

“What?” I swallowed hard, “You don’t know who I am?”  

“No, am I supposed to?”  

I felt as though I was about to faint, “Yes!” I squeaked.  

“Mr. Lester, I see you are awake,” the nurse walked into the room. “How are you feeling?”  

“Sore, my head, and face really hurt,”  

“I’m sure,”  

“He can’t remember!” I blurted out, panicking.  

“Oh, “She said, what’s the last thing you remember?”  

“Being at uni.” I audibly gasped.    

“Let me go get the doctor,” she smiled as she left.  

Luckily, Martyn came in at the same time.  

“Martyn? Oh my god, I’m glad you’re here!” Phil’s face relaxed, but he was side-eyeing me.  

He laughed, “Why are you looking at Dan like that?”  

“He doesn’t remember who I am,” I said, sadly.  

Martyn’s face fell, “What? How is that possible?”  

“How am I supposed to know? I have no idea what's even happening,” Phil said.  

“Sorry,” I muttered.  The doctor came in and examined him, she ordered a series of brain scans to try to figure out Phil’s memory loss.  

“Phil, do you know what year it is?” she asked.  

“Well, no, but judging by how old Martyn looks I am assuming I am not in Uni anymore.”  

“Hey!” Martyn said.  

“You don’t remember why you’re here?”  

“No, I don’t even know where “here” is.  

“And you don’t remember Dan, at all?”  

“No,”  

This was a nightmare, I stepped out of the room and sat on a bench in the hall. I wasn’t sure what to do. After a few minutes the doctor came out, “He could remember everything eventually,” She clasped my shoulder. “Don’t give up.” I nodded.  

I overheard Martyn talking to Phil, “Dan. As in Danisnotonfire.”  

“I have no idea what that means?”  

“YouTube?”  

“Martyn, the last YouTube video I remember making is after I returned from Busch Gardens in America,”  

“Oh my god, when was that? So that means you don’t remember him like, at all?”  

“I take it Dan is important?”  

“Ah, yeah. He’s become like family to us.”  

“Us us, or like you and our parents?”  

“Phil, Dan is your flatmate,”  

“Oh,”  

“And your best friend.”  

“Oh,”  

“At least that’s what you tell people.”  

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  

I knocked on the door, “Excuse the interruption, I just thought I’d let you know I am going to get a hotel room,” I doubted Phil wanted me to sleep by his bedside anymore. “I’ll see you, I guess.”  

“Dan,” Martyn started, I waved him off  

“I’m really glad you are awake Phil,” I smiled, nodded and walked out. He had no idea who I was, the video he was referencing was before he even tweeted at me. I was a stranger to him. He didn’t know about the legacy we had built with YouTube, BBC radio 1, TABINOF or TATINOF. What the hell was I going to tell the internet?  A member of our security team took me to a hotel, they had agreed to stay around until Phil was released, just for precautionary measures. I had a set of Phil’s contacts in their pot in my pocket, his phone and I knew that his pillow and things from the dressing room were in the car.    

“Ready?”  

“Yeah,”  

Once I was checked in, I kicked off my shoes, took off my skinny jeans I had been squeezed into for days now, leaving me in my pants. My shirt came off next, grabbing Phil’s pillow I crawled into the bed. I inhaled Phil’s scent and fell asleep, crying into it.  

I woke up to my phone ringing. It had only been two hours, it was Martyn.  

“Hello?”    

“What hotel are you at?”  

“Why?”  

“Because I am coming over.”  

I groaned getting up to open the door when he had arrived.  

“You didn’t have to leave, Dan.”  

“He has no idea who I am, why would he want me there? If I were in his shoes, I wouldn’t want me there.” He said nothing, “See, exactly.”  

“What are you going to do about the tour?”  

“I have already emailed everyone to cancel it.”  

“You decided this on your own?”  

“Well, it isn’t like Phil cares, is it?”  

“He would if he knew.”  

“I know that but he doesn't, he can’t remember me, let alone our stage show.” I flopped down on the bed. “As far as the rest of it goes, what the fuck am I supposed to do?”  

“I’m not sure,”  

“Same. Do I pretend to be Phil? Tweet that he was hurt, but keep it vague? Do I tweet as me? Do we just ignore it? I know Phil wouldn’t want us to ignore it, at least not the one who knows and loves his fans, but,”  

“Dan, it doesn’t have to be figured out right now, you know, that right?”  

“I suppose you’re right.”  

“I want to ask how you are, but I’m sure I know. You overheard us.”  

“Yeah.” I swallowed. “I, just. He’s my best friend, he’s my only friend. He doesn’t know who I am.”  

“Still sticking with the “friend” label, huh?”  

I rubbed the back of my neck nervously. “He is also my business partner,”  

“I suppose you could let your manager and team handle it, but you would know what Phil would want, better than anyone. I won’t pressure you, but it has to be addressed.”  

“I know,” I looked up at him, “What if he never remembers me, Martyn?”  

“We can’t think like that,”  

“I can and I am. Look, I get it, but you will always have a place in his life. He knows who you are. What’s going to happen when they release him? Is he coming back to our flat? Will he go to yours? Your mums? Why would he want to live with me?”  

“Deep breaths,”  

“How did this happen? How is this fair, to anyone? This is like a terrible movie of the week.”  

“He hasn’t said much after I told him who you are, he just keeps repeating the same timeline he referenced before. In Uni.”  

“Our story doesn’t exist, Youtube Dan and Phil don’t exist.”  

“Not right now, they don’t. He has another brain scan tomorrow, they will be determining a treatment course, if he can go home or leave, I guess.”  

“Where are you staying tonight?”    

“I think I’ll stay at the hospital. The idea of him being alone really bothers me.” I felt the guilt stabbing in my gut. “I’m heading back then, so I’ll see you tomorrow?”  

“You think I should come back?”  

“Of course, you should Dan. Scans at 10:00.”  

“Okay,”  

“Try to stay positive, yeah? See you in the morning.”  

“Sure, see you.”  

Even though I was exhausted, I wasn’t able to sleep.  I was so damned scared that my life was over.  I was nothing without Phil, everyone knew that, and I was not the exception. If Phil didn’t remember me ever again, I had no idea what I was going to do.  I tried to resist a trip down memory lane, but that only lasted so long. As I panicked, I loaded a PINOF playlist, set an alarm and closed my eyes, listening to us laugh.  

My alarm went off and I pulled myself out of bed as the memories flooded through my mind. I showered, drank the disgusting hotel room coffee and brushed my teeth before I left for the hospital. I had no idea if Phil would even want me there, but I still went. I knocked on the frame of the door.  

“Hey, Dan,” Martyn greeted.  

“Hi,” I said, meeting Phil’s gaze.  

“Your hair is really curly today,” He said.  

I blushed; I had forgotten to straighten it, “Ah, yeah,”  

“Come sit, Dan.” Martyn motioned to the chair.  

I sat, but it was so awkward and uncomfortable that I was constantly shifting in the silence.  

“Well, this sucks,” Phil said casually, smiling. I laughed. “Is this as weird for you as it is for me?”    

“I can’t be sure, but it’s pretty fucking weird.”    

“Yeah, apparently we have known each other for years.”  

“Oh Phil,” We were interrupted by his mum, she had finally made it here. I wondered when she would arrive.  

“Hi, mum, this is Dan,”  

“Silly boy, I know who Dan is,” she turned to me and kissed the top of my head. “Hello, darling. How are you holding up?”  

“Fine,” I whispered. One of her fingers twisted in one of my curls as if to make a point, though she didn’t say anything else.  

“The doc will be here in a while to take him for another scan, we will know more then.”  

“He doesn’t remember Dan at all?”  

“He doesn’t remember a lot of things, not just me,” I said softly.  

“Oh, Dan,” She murmured  

“You know, I am right here; I was the one who got hurt, like actually. He didn't.”  

“If you remembered you wouldn’t be taking that tone with me, mister.”  

“Well, I don’t okay? It’s not like anyone is telling me much anyway.”  

“We don’t want to make it worse, Phil.” Martyn said, “The doctors haven't told us what we should and shouldn’t do yet.”  

The doctor came in before anyone else could say anything, “Ready for your scan?” Phil looked scared so without thinking I took his hand in mine. He jumped and I released it. “I’m sorry,” I muttered. I got up and walked out of the room so they could take him to his scan.  I watched in the hall as they wheeled him away for his procedure. Kath was suddenly pulling me into a hug.  

“Hey there, my strong lad,” she soothed “You’re okay.” I clung to her; I needed this comfort.  

“I just don’t understand how he doesn’t remember. What am I supposed to do? I mean he’s my best friend.”  

“Oh, we are still going with that are we?” Kath huffed. I pulled back and looked into her eyes, blushing. “He’s also your business partner,” She grabbed his shoulders, “Have you decided what you are going to do?”  

“I canceled the tour, other than that, I’m not sure what to do. Phil doesn’t remember anything since 2008,” I took a deep breath, “That means YouTube, BBC, the gaming channel, the book or the tour.”  

“Let’s see what the doctor says, we can work on it from there.”  

“I suppose you could call me; I doubt he wants me here.”  

“Well, I want you here. And I am hungry, let’s take Martyn and get some lunch, shall we?”  

“This is really a family matter, isn’t it?”  

“Daniel, you are family and you know it. Stop it.  Come.”    

The doctor explained that Phil’s brain was healing, but the amnesia was an unfortunate side effect. It was diagnosed as selective amnesia, which I thought was a stupid name, but as Phil remembered his mum, his brother, and his childhood, this seemed to be the best fit. The doctor couldn’t give us a time frame or confirmation that the last 7 years of his life would even return to him.  He was to rest, but also try to trigger his memories slowly.   They warned not to do too much too fast, but “they” remained hopeful that this would work. I wasn’t so sure.  They advised me to put things away that would cause him to ask too many questions,  and slowly reintroduce them.  

“We will be able to release you tomorrow,” she said, leaving the room.  

I took a deep breath, chewing on my lip.  

“Well, “Kath said, “We’ll get you back to London, back to your things and your bed.”  

“I live in London?”  

“Yes, you do.”  

“You live with me, “I said softly.  

“Oh,”  

“You’ve lived with Dan for several years,” Kath said, patting his shoulder. “If we want your memory to return, that is the best place for you.”  

Phil looked scared, I hated that. “Phil, you can stay with your mum or Martyn for a while, if it would make you more comfortable,” relief crossed his face.  

“Nonsense, all of his memories are in and at your flat. “  

“Mum,” Phil said.  

“This is what’s best for you, Philip. You need to go back to London.”  

“Look how scared he is,” I squeaked, “How could it be best for him?”  

Returning to my hotel room, I sighed. Kath was not going to acquiesce my offer for Phil to stay with one of them for a while.  Tomorrow afternoon Phil and I would be back in our flat, alone. He had no idea who I was other than what people had told him.  I was headed back to our apartment shortly, to put away anything that was us.  I would put it all in the gaming room, I would have to buy and install a lock to keep him out. It was overwhelming, as I packed up my things, (and Phil’s) I forced myself not to cry.  It was not the time. It was shortly after three am and I had finally gotten the flat cleaned up to an acceptable level. Martyn and Kath would be dropping Phil off in the morning, I made sure his coffee mug and coffee were set out for him. The photos of us that were kept on the wall we never showed on any platform, all of our awards, plaques, and art that hinted to who we were, was now all locked away. Anything at all that made us, us.  I looked around at how empty the flat was, it mirrored how I felt. Making sure the gaming room was securely locked, I hid the key in my room, which also was now bare.  I was in my pants, laying numbly on my bed. This was going to be the hardest thing I have ever done; I wasn’t sure I was strong enough. It wasn’t like I had a choice.    

I woke up to keys in the lock, Phil’s voice then Kath’s. “Wow, this is a nice flat.”   “Yes, you and Dan have a nice place here,”  

I pulled some clothes on and walked out to greet them, yawning.  

“Sorry,” I muttered.  

“It’s okay, Dan,” Martyn said.    

“I’ll show you to your room,” I said, forcing the kindest smile I could muster.  

“Right, thanks.”   What he didn’t know is his room was actually our room, it had been for years now. I swallowed hard.  

“Here we are,”  

“Okay, thanks.” He walked in, looking around. “At least this looks the same,” He said, motioning to his duvet. I laughed softly.  I missed him so much, I just wanted to hug him.  After explaining to him where everything was, I excused myself.  

“I’ll let you get settled, then.” I went back to the lounge.    

“You can do this, Dan.” Kath pulled me into another hug.  

“Can I?”  

“Of course,” she lowered her voice “When you love someone, you would be surprised what you can do.”  

I didn’t even refute it, I just pulled back and nodded.    

“We’re off now, I will be staying in London for a time, just to make sure he gets settled.” she turned towards his room “Phil, we’re leaving.”  

Phil came out and hugged his mum. “I know you’re scared, it’s okay. I promise you; you are safe here. I wouldn’t leave if that were not the case.” He hugged Martyn next.  

“Dan really cares about you Phil, you’re fine.” He reassured.  

“Bye,” He said, his voice was timid and it made my heart clench.  

After they had left, we stood awkwardly. “Ah, I have things out for you to make your coffee if you’d like.” I motioned to the kitchen  

“Yeah, okay.”  

“If you need me, I’ll be in my room, which is the one just down the hall from yours.”  

“Thanks,”  

I didn’t know what the fuck I was supposed to be doing, I just wanted to be around him. I knew he must be feeling really strange too.  For the most part, he spent the day in his room, I hoped he had been resting, but I couldn’t be sure. After the pizzas I had ordered arrived, I knocked on his door.  

“Ah, yeah?”  

“I ordered us Pizza, I’m hungry, I figured you would be too.”  

He opened the door, “Yeah, I am, thanks.”  

“Did you want to eat with me or?”  

“Yeah, sure.”  

We were set up in the lounge, I wasn’t sure what we should watch, what would be too much or too confusing, so I put Buffy on. He smiled.  

“I love Buffy.”  

I smiled at him, “I know,” I remained quiet for most of it until Phil had sauce dripping off of his chin and I absent-mindedly grabbed a napkin and wiped it off. His face was still black and blue, I sucked in a breath. Then I caught his eyes, they were wide and uncomfortable.  

“Oh, god. I’m sorry.” I said quickly snatching my hand back.  

“It’s okay,” He said. “I take it we are close, but I just don’t know that.”  

“I know, I know.” I looked down  

“Your hair is cute curly, you know.” He said, eyes still on the screen.  

“Ugh, I hate it. I look like a hobbit.”  

He laughed out loud. “I see why we are friends, you’re funny.”    

“Yeah, yeah.”  

“So,” He turned towards me,  “We have lived together for years?”  

“Yes,”  

“How did we meet?”  

Was I supposed to tell him this soon? “Um,”  

“I mean, I don’t know do I?”  

“I’m worried to push you,”  

“Well, the whole reason I am here is so that I can remember you, isn’t it?”  

“Yeah, yeah it is. We met because of your Youtube channel.”  

“Really?”  

“Yes, really.”  

“Wow, that’s so cool.” He smirked.  

“Yeah, I Tweeted at you, a lot. I liked Muse, you liked Muse.  

“Do you watch my videos?”  

“Yes,” I smiled, “and then we met.”  

“Wow, when was that?”  

“2009.”  

He gasped, “Sorry, I keep forgetting it’s 2015.”  

“I’m sure this is hard for you.”  

“Yeah, I guess I graduated huh?”  

“You did,”  

“Good.” He yawned, “When am I allowed to go on the internet again?”  

“Oh,” I took a deep breath, “Let’s just give that some time. There is so much shit, now Phil.  I want you to be feeling better before you open that Pandora’s box.”  

“Is it that bad?” He said softly,  

“Some parts are, most are not. Are you tired?”  

“Yeah, I suppose I am.”  

“Okay, time for bed then,”  

“Dan?”  

“Yeah?”  

“I know this must be hard for you too,”  

“I’m okay, Phily, don’t worry about me.”  

“Phily?”  

“Yeah, ah, sorry.” I blushed.  

“Well, goodnight then,”    

“Goodnight.”  

In the coming days, Phil had asked a few common questions, but nothing too in-depth.  I was struggling and found myself face down in the hallway.  I literally did this all the time but Phil, of course, didn't know.     “Oh!”  He just happened upon me having a lie down on the floor, “Are you alright? Should I call someone?"    

I scoffed. "I'm fine this is a thing I do."  

"Why?"  

" That's the million-dollar question.”  

"Should I do something?"    

"Nope."    

"Okay then." Phil had discovered my existential crisis hallway, he probably thought I was insane. I took a deep breath and continued my spiral.  

“Dan?”  

“Ugh,” I groaned.  

“I don't mean to pry, but you've been laying on the floor for 3 hours, at least since the last time we spoke.” He crouched next to me, “I feel like I should do something,”  

I smirked, “Yeah this is how you were when it first started too.”    

“Well, that makes sense, since we're friends, right?”  

“Yeah, right.” We stayed in silence for a while, he eventually sat leaning his back against the wall, wrapping his arms around his knees.  

“You may not remember, “I chuckled, “but you sure act like the Phil I know.”  

“Does this happen a lot?”  

“More than it should, I suppose.” I sat up, “thanks for sitting with me.”    

He smiled, “I want you to tell me more about our life, I want to remember you.”  

“I'm not sure I can right now,”  

“Why does it seem like there's something really bad that's happened?”  

“There is a lot of things Phil, a lot.”  

“Why won't you just tell me, why is there a locked room upstairs?”  

“Because,” I stood up to leave, “I want you to remember and not just learn about it. I doubt you'd forgive me a second time.”  I walked into my room and shut the door, but he followed me.  I heard through the door “We're friends, of course, I will!”  

But we weren't just friends and that was the problem. Did I have it in me to show him that video? The one that everyone now refers to as the” v-day video.”  I was so mad when it posted, he was so embarrassed. There was so much backlash from that alone, but there was more.  What about the “I like vagina” posts, or all the “no, I'm not gay” posts?  Then there was the whole  "no homo Howell 2012," that whole year was a cluster fuck.  

“Well can you at least show me what shops I go to?  I need toothpaste.”  

I open the door and stepped out, “Yeah okay, we typically just order from Tesco. We don't go outside much, I mean we were going to, but then you fell.” I ordered a car.  

“Oh, sorry.”  

I smiled. “It's okay Phil, you didn't intend on this happening.”  

“You said I fell off the stage, why was I on a stage?”  

“Ah, don't you need toothpaste? Let's go.”    

“You can't put me off forever, you know, that right?”  

 “I know,” I noticed he was in a t-shirt, “I have your coat in my room, hang on, “  

He cocked his eyebrow when I returned.  “We share clothes?”  

I handed it to him.   “Yeah, sometimes We do.”  I guided him towards the door we got to the car    

“Wow, I can't believe I live in London. That's truly mental, why did we move here?”  

“For work mostly, we lived in Manchester before.”  

"We did?”  

“Yes, we did. I went to Uni there for a while. I know what you're doing, by the way.”  I was so tired of not talking to Phil, of feeling so alone, that I answered his questions. I got lost in thought and my leg was pressed into his. I realize the comfort it brought me, it seemed to do the same for Phil.    

“We're really touchy-feely friends, aren't we?”  

I blushed and laughed, “We are. Does it bother you?”  

“No, not really.”  

“Okay, good.”  

We had made it through Tesco fairly easily, thankfully not running into anyone we knew or any of our followers.  We were at the checkout and Phil looked exhausted, his face looked sickly as the dark purple bruises were now fading into browns and yellows.  

“Are you okay?”  

“Starting to get a headache,”  

“We're almost done.”  He seemed unsteady; I looked around and seeing no one was looking, I looped my arm around his waist. “Lean into me.”  

He snorted, “You clearly don't want to be touching me in public.”  

“You don't understand,”  

“Of course, I don't.”  He pushed my arm away. We didn't speak the entire way home; I wasn’t sure what to say. When we got home, I started to put groceries away in silence, I glanced at him. He looked miserable.  

“You should go lay down, I don't want you to get a migraine, you have that look on your face.”  

He sighed. “It's so frustrating that you know so much about me and I can't remember anything about you.”  

“I'm sorry, Phil,” He shook his head and walked away. There wasn’t much I could do to help that.  I missed him so much, the him that would allow me to be close to him at the right times, the one who understood why we needed to be careful of who saw us in public. I missed Dan and Phil, both professionally and personally. I missed my old life.  

I knew It was risky, but I snuck up to the gaming room. I needed to feel connected to my Phil to be able to help this Phil. I looked through our photos, our book, and his Twitter.  I even watched the “V-day” video. I needed to hear him say I love you. I haven't watched it since the accidental uploading, it was too painful.  But, now in the dark, with all things Dan and Phil surrounding me, I was glad I had it.  I watched it twice wiping my eyes,  I took a deep breath; it was time to pull myself together.  Standing up, I looked around the room one last time,  turned out the lights then shut and locked the door.  I met Phil at the bottom of the stairs.  

“Hey, are you feeling better?”  

“I guess so, I'm so bored." His eyes drifted up the stairs, “Are you okay?”  

I smiled at him, “Yes. We can play Sonic?”  

He looked at me suspiciously, but said, “Yeah, okay, thanks.”  Some time into the game, we were laughing and had made our way closer to each other on the sofa, our legs touched like they always did. When it was my turn, I noticed he was watching my face more than the game, I smirked.  

“You know I can see you staring at me, yeah?”  

“Ah,” he stammered, “sorry.”  

“Do I have something on my face?”  

“No, it's just,”  

“Just what?”  

“Nothing, never mind,” I pause the game setting the controller down.    

“What?”  

“It feels like we are or have been more than friends in the past,”  

I swallowed hard, “what?”  

“Oh,” he said, “I guess that means I’m not crazy?" I nodded in silence. “Why does everyone think we're just best friends then?”  

“It's complicated,”  

“My family even calls us best friends, why are we “best friends” if we are or were more?”  

I sighed, “More than one reason, mostly because of me.”  

Phil took a deep breath, “Are you embarrassed of me?” He looked down at his hands  

“No, no not at all Phil. It's nothing like that. Why would you think that?”  

“Well, look at you, then look at me.”  

“It has nothing to do with that, Phil. And that’s ridiculous.”  

“Wait, you’re not out yet, are you?”  

“No” I whispered “I’m not even sure what I am,”  

“When did we start being more than friends?”  

“2009.”  

He looked back up to my face. “Are we still more than friends now?”  

“We were, before, the accident I mean.  We didn't label anything and we didn't tell anyone. Something, well several things actually, happened. Things were really bad for a while, it almost destroyed us. Since then we are more than friends in private, but not in public.”  

“So, we didn't tell anyone, meaning I had to be closeted again?” I tightly pursed my lips. “Wow, I was so ashamed of myself.  I mean I struggled from 12-18 to come out,”  

My eyes became glossy. “I know, you're the first “out” person I’d met.”  

Phil looked around the flat, “you've hidden anything that may have hinted that we were together, haven't you?”  

“Yeah, I wasn't sure what to do. The doctors said it would be best.”  

“That’s what’s in the locked room?”  

“Yes, it is also our office.”  

“We work together, I know that, what do we do?”  

“Phil, now that you know, about us I mean,” I paused. “I think it’s time to know the rest,” I got up and got my laptop. Maybe this was too much too fast, but I couldn't dodge the questions any longer.  “If you remembered, you’d know how awful this is,” I pulled up “Hello Internet” and paused it before it could start.  

“Oh my god, you’ve always been cute,”  

“Shh, now, I won’t stay for this, I hate it.”  

“So, you’re a Youtuber too?”  

“Yes, I’ll be back in a few,” I came back after I knew enough time had passed.  “You were the “really good friends,”    

“Okay,”  

I loaded up PINOF, “Watch this playlist, come find me when you are done,” I pressed play and left the room, hearing my younger version of myself say “Why do you always make cat whiskers on your face?” I went up to the gaming room, grabbed the copy of TABINOF, when to my room and laid down. I wasn’t sure how this was going to go. I was trying to take deep breaths to stave off the panic, in the process, I fell asleep.  

When I opened my eyes, it was dark. “Shit.” I walked out to Phil, he wasn't in the lounge, I knew where he was. I realized that I probably hadn’t locked the gaming room and that's where he would be. I found him, staring at a picture of us in Japan, me kissing his cheek.  

“Hey,”  

“You're cute when you sleep, you know.  Do you honestly think people believe we're just friends?  I mean I don't remember and I can tell how much you love me when you look at me in videos.”  

“What have you seen?”  

“All of PINOF, Day in the life, some Sims and the Halloween baking video. The way you look at me, people know, believe me. If you think otherwise, you're just fooling yourself.  Then I Googled, I saw Dailybooth, Formspring, then I made it up here the door was open. We have created a universe that is solely ours, haven't we?"  

"We have,"  

"I saw the "VDay" video, I had to after all the things I read. It wasn't a joke, was it?"  

"No, it wasn't. It was really a valentine. It was also a very dark time in our history, I said some very stupid things."  

"Yeah, I saw. Dan, are you afraid of your sexuality?"  

"I don't even know what my sexuality is, Phil." I looked him in the eyes, "What I do know is that we work."  

"You love me though, right?"  

"More than you know, you saved my life."  

"The stage I fell off of, that was our tour, right?"  

I nodded handing him the book, "First performance,"  

He thumbed through the book, "wow, we are very successful." He stood up and walked towards me. "This must be really hard for you,"  

I snorted out a laugh, "well, it's not been easy, but I'm kinda attached to you if you couldn't tell."  

"Yeah, I've gathered," he took my hands in his, "I know somewhere in here," he pointed at his head, "The Phil that knows you, misses you, very much."  

I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my face, "I miss him so much,"  

"Please don't cry," he cradled my face with one of his hands, I leaned into his touch. "Dan, I know this may be weird, but can I kiss you?"  

I leaned forward and my lips met his. It was a strange sensation, my lips knew his lips, but the hesitation wasn't something I was used too. I wrapped my arm around him and he started to kiss me harder. I pulled back and rested my head on his shoulder.  

"I promise you, Dan. I will remember. I am so lucky that you love me,"  

"I've always been confused about why you stayed with me, after everything,"  

"Have you met you?"  

"That's my point."  

"Dan, I can't remember feeling what I did before, but I know already why I've stayed with you."  

"It's really a brain fuck, being this close to you and missing you at the same time."  

He nodded, "I'm pretty overwhelmed right now, I think I'll go to bed. This has been a lot."  

"Okay, Phil, get some rest, I would hate for you to get worse," he nodded and started down the stairs.    

Now that he knew everything, I didn't have to lock the gaming room anymore. He knew we were in love; that we were more than friends, he knew we were Dan and Phil, the iconic YouTuber Duo, and he knew that we also actually were best friends as well.  I realized how tired I was, this had been a lot for me too. I wondered what questions he would have for me after he processed all the videos, all the Google searches, and that kiss. As much as I missed Phil, this was the most progress we had made since the start of this whole ordeal. Smiling to myself, I finally had hope.  

I woke up to Phil groaning loudly. "Shit," I got up and walked to his room, his door was open. "Hey, are you okay?"  

"Dan, can you bring me coffee? I really don't want to get up." His arm was a crossed his face.    

"Do you have a headache?"  

"No, not really. Something feels off. My nose hurts."  

"I'm sorry, I'll be right back with some coffee."  

He moved his arm and looked at me suspiciously, "Really?"  

"Yeah, but don't do that again, okay?  You woke me up and I thought you needed my help."    

"Well, I do! Plus, you know If you make it, I won't steal your Shreddies."  

I scoffed, "Yeah, yeah. You and your cereal stealing," I had made it halfway to the kitchen before it dawned on me. "Oh my god," I ran back to his room.    

"What's wrong?"    

"Phil?" I asked tentatively.    

"What is it?" He had sat up.  

"You remember me?"    

"What's gotten into you? Of course, I," suddenly Phil froze, "Dan? Why are we at home? What happened? What about TATINOF?"  

I jumped on the bed pulling him into a quick hug and forceful kiss.    

"You remember."    

"Oh my God, I fell off the stage, didn't I?"    

"Yes, you nutter, you've caused quite the drama,"  

"What happened?"  

"You fell, broke your nose, cracked your head open. You couldn't remember me, us, YouTube, I mean at all Phil."  

"Really?" I nodded, "Are people mad?"    

"I've no idea, I haven't been online at all for a few weeks."  

"Weeks? It's been weeks?  I fell off a stage and had to be taken by ambulance to hospital and you haven't said anything to them? Oh my God, Dan."    

"I'm sorry, okay. I was dealing with my own shit, yeah? It felt like a lifetime to me, I had to explain everything to you, Phil, I mean everything. Us, the “vday” video, YouTube, all of it. I had to relive all that shit, so forgive me for being distracted. "  

He leaned over and kissed me and said, "I'm sure that must have sucked."    

"Yeah, it was difficult." I rubbed the back of my neck, "He, well you, I guess, asked me why we weren't, like why we were "just best friends."  

"Oh," he took my hand, "it's okay Dan,"  

"But it's not, not really. You pointed out that I had forced you back into the closet because I can't figure out my shit."    

"Did I say it like that?"    

"No, but you weren't pleased."  

"Dan, I don't care about that, you know that right?"  

"How could you not?"  

"I love you, Dan. I wouldn't ever want to hurt you. In the earlier years, after all of that stuff, I knew you weren't ready. I accepted it then."  

"Phil, that,"  

He continued, "I also accepted that you may never be ready, but having to act like you were only my "best friend" in front of people never bothered me. Okay, maybe a little, at first, but Dan, you are my best friend. You also are a person I get to hold and kiss and share my dreams with. No memory me didn't know everything when he made that comment, he didn't know how important privacy is to us, or what would happen even if you were ready to be out. He didn't have the whole story. I would never force you to come out for me, I don't have a right to. You come out when you're ready, it's no one else's business. Do it when you are ready."  

"I love you, Phil Lester "  

"I love you too, I'm sorry I forgot you, us, everything."  

“I'm just glad you remember now,"  

"Can we still do the rest of the tour?"  

"Ah, maybe, I canceled it."    

"What? Why?"    

"Phil, you thought it was 2008."  

"Oh, wow. I don't anymore though, I want to continue."  

"Do you think we should?"  

"Of course, we wrote a book and were going to tour it, I had an accident but I remember now, there’s no reason not to."    

"I'll call everyone later,"    

"Good. So, about that coffee?"  

“Get coffee yourself, you spoon, and stay out of my Shreddies.”   

Bingo Card:

Amnesia

TABINOF

Vday Video

[glitterrhowell]

I’m Not a baby

Pairing: Daniel Howell & AmazingPhil (Phan)

Genre: Phan, Fluff,Crying,dd/lb, Little!Dan, Daddy!Phil, Caregiver Phil, Interactive introverts, sweet, no smut

Word Count: 1826

Summary:  What happened when Dan slips into little space during a meet and greet will it mess everything up Or will Phil be able to save him before anything happens. Little!Dan and Daddy!Phil

 So far the tour had been amazing Dan and Phil were having the time of their lives, meet all the different fans and getting to interact with them on stage, life couldn't be better. But with tour life you also get plenty of nights you don't get enough sleep, the stress of making sure you make it to the next venue on time and just the general stress of being an introvert that has left the house. They weren't complaining by any means they loved it but that meant that they didn't get a lot of downtime to themselves either. This was something both of them had thought long and hard about before they decided to go on tour, Phil remembered during TATINOF Dan had been beyond stressed and there had been some very difficult days. But after talking it over they decided that this time Dan was in a better place than before and they made sure to work more free days into their schedule.

Dan was usually pretty good at being able to tell when he was slipping into little space and after ten years Phil was almost better at noticing the signs then Dan was. That is why when Phil woke up to Dan's big doe eyes staring at him and Dan cuddling him extremely hard Phil could tell Dan was teetering on the edge of little space. Dan always got extra clingy when little and he had a certain innocence to his eyes. So when Phil had suggested that they cancel today's meet and greet and let the fan's know Dan wasn't feeling good Dan had gotten angry.

"Phil we can't do that our fans paid a lot of money to see us I don't want to disappoint them." He said Stubbornly.

Phil knew this would be his answer but he had hoped Dan would see it his way anyway, "Bear are you sure? You know they would understand. Plus you haven't slipped in awhile so you might not be able to push it away."

When Dan was younger he used to push his littleness down so far that he would wail and sob into Phil's shoulder when he finally slipped. It had taken years and lots of reassurances from Phil that he loved taking care of Dan in Little space before he had finally started to let himself slip when he needed to. As Dan had matured and gotten more confident he didn't slip as much as he used to but when he did he didn't fight it and gladly let Phil take care of him.

"I'm an adult Phil I don't need to be treated like a child." Dan snapped at him

Phil sighed he know this was a battle he wasn't going to win he would just have to keep an eye on Dan and hope he didn't slip in front of the fans.

There was still some tension between them as they made their way to the venue, they went in through the back door of the theater saying Hi to varies crew members they passed. The tension stayed as Phil mindlessly scrolled through Tumblr on his Phone paying more attention to Dan who was passing their dressing room back and forth. Phil didn't say anything knowing it would just cause Dan to become more stressed and nervous than he already was.

There was a knock on their door and their manager stuck her head in letting them know the fans had arrived at it was time for the meet and greet to start. They Quickly made their way out Phil wanting to get this down with as soon as possible so he could get back to the hotel room and cuddle Dan.

The meet and Greet started well they met a handful of fans and everything seemed to be going just fine Dan was smiling and seemed like he was enjoying himself. Phil let is guard down just a little, maybe just maybe today would go on without any mishaps.

It was about halfway through the meet and greet and they were listening to a fan whose name was Amanda tell them about her story, she had found Dan and Phil when she was 13 and they saved her from Suicide. Phil loved hearing fan stories they made him Sad but happy at the same time, knowing him and Dan had made such a difference in someone life. He happens to glance over at Dan who had been progressively getting quieter the last 20 minutes or so when he saw it. Dan had a look of confusion on his face and tears springing to his eyes, he started walking towards Phil and latched on to his arm, "Daddy I want to go." He whined.

Fuck! He thought so As subtly as he could He whispered in Dan's ear Hoping the fan didn't hear, "It's Ok baby just give Daddy a minute."

Phil quickly took a picture of them all and handed Amanda her phone back. Before the next fan could come up to them Phil quickly pulled their manager aside trying to explain to her as quickly as he could that Dan wasn't feeling well and they needed to go back to the hotel. She wasn't very pleased but Phil didn't care all he cared about was his baby and making sure he was safe and happy.

He took Dan by the elbow and steered him away from the crowd and back to the dressing room, letting the manager take care of telling the fans that the meet and greet was going to have to be canceled. As soon as walked into the dressing room Dan started full on sobbing into Phil's shoulder. Phil rubbed circles into his back comforting him, "Shh it's ok baby." He said as he hugged Dan tighter.

"Dad-ddy do yo-u haate me?" Dan sobbed into Phil's shoulder.

Confused Phil pulled away looking at Dan, "Why would Daddy be mad at you sweetheart?"

"Because I saaaid I co-could be big, wheen I coullld'nt." He said hiccuping and sobbing at the same time.

"Love of course daddy isn't mad at you, it isn't your fault. Comere." Phil said has he pulled Dan into another embrace kissing the top of his head. Phil let Dan cry into his shoulder until he finally stopped and was just whimpering a little.

"How about we go back to the hotel and we can cuddle love." Phil asked.

Dan shook his head and took a hold of Phil's hand, chuckling Phil took his hand and gave it a quick kiss.

The Car ride back to the hotel was quite with Dan glued to Phil's side and Phil Whispering Sweet nothings into his ear. The arrived at the hotel and went in through the back door and made their way up to their room. Phil was glad they hadn't held the meet and greet in the hotel as the chances of them being spotted by a fan where slim.

Phil slid the keycard into the door and ushered Dan inside, once they were inside Phil let his shoulders drop. What he had feared had happened but he wasn't mad at Dan he was upset with himself for letting Dan go along and do the meet and greet anyway.

"You wanna take a bath little one?" Phil said looking softy at Dan.

Dan's eyes got big and he nodded his head, "Can I use the bath bomb I got the other day?" He asked excitedly.

"Of course love." Phil said smiling at him. "Go to the bathroom and wait for Daddy I will be there in a minute OK."

"Yay!" Dan squealed as he ran to the bathroom.

Phil chuckled as he pulled his phone out of his pocket he quickly composed a tweet from both him and Dan apologizing for leaving the meet and great early and simply telling them that Dan wasn't feeling well. The response was almost instant wishing Dan a speedy recovery and the hashtag #GetwellDan was soon trending. Throwing his phone on the bed he went to join Dan in the bathroom.

He walked into the adjoining bathroom and saw Dan sitting on the floor by the tub, his eyes lighting up as soon as he saw Phil. Phil started the bath and helped Dan out of his clothes.

"Daddy, Can I put the bath bomb in?" Dan asked excitedly

"Of course love, here you go." Phil handed the boy a rainbow sparkly glitter bath bomb.

Dan squealed as he dropped it into the water watching as all the colors started expanding and go off in the tub.

"Daddy look!" He exclaimed as he pointed to the bath.

Phil smiled and gave Dan a quick kiss on the top of his head before he helped him into the bath.

"Daddy I want my toys!" Dan exclaimed.

"Sorry love remember we had to leave them at home."

Dan started to tear up again when Phil quickly sprang up remembering when they were out yesterday he had picked up a rubber duck to play with just in case they needed it. Smiling he handed it to Dan, "Here baby Daddy picked this up for you."

"Thnk you, daddy." He exclaimed as he started splashing and playing in the water.

Soon enough Phil washed Dan up and he was helping him out of the bath wrapping him in a big fluffy hotel towel.

"Wait here, baby." Phil opened his suitcase and dug to the bottom as he pulled out one of Dan's onesies he had brought with him. He rushed back to the bathroom dried Dan off, pulled on a pair of Dan's boxers and pulled the onesie on over it.

Dan Yawned and Phil could tell he was exhausted, it had been a long and tough day.

"How about we take a nap love?" Phil asked as he led Dan over to the bed.

"Ok, daddy." Dan whispered as he crawled into the bed.

Phil know when Dan didn't argue that today must have taken a mental toll on him. Phil Figured Dan must have been pushing his little space off for awhile now with the way he was acting.

"Daddy will be right back sweetheart." Phil ran back to the bathroom pulled his contact lenses out and put his glasses on. He walked back over to the bed pulled the blankets back and got in snuggling close to Dan. Dan must have been tired because he was already asleep when Phil pulled him against his chest. Sighing Phil gave Dan a kiss on the head and he settled in. Today Hadn't gone to plan and they would have to figure out what they were going to do about the people who paid for the meet and greet and didn't get to see them. But that was something they would worry about later because all Phil wanted to do was cuddle is baby and take a nice nap.

[wiccamoody]

Alright, under the cut is my ii review. It's very long and divided into sections because I'm like that.

The audience

I'm starting off with the easy bit. So something I didn't entirely expect (but kind of did at the same time? Usually I'm pleasantly surprised by these kinds of events) was how old I felt. I'm 19. I'm practically a baby. I shouldn't ever feel old unless I'm surrounded by kindergarteners. But besides people's parents and a few people who I could tell were my age or older, everyone was so young. I mean, duh, I'm pretty sure the average age in the phandom is like 16 or something, but it was wild to me, though maybe that's because I've curated the shit out of my fandom experience. And this wasn't a bad thing at all! The only bad thing about feeling 'old' was that people letting out ear splitting screams at literally nothing was giving me a headache and made me roll my eyes at multiple points (ahem, I think screaming when you see the empty stage that we've seen a million times before is a bit much, but maybe that's me being grumpy). Otherwise, it was really, really nice to see such a diverse and lovely group of people come together and just have fun. I wasn't dancing at any of the songs or whatever (but you bet your ass I sang my heart out when WTTBP was playing), however it was really cute to see people in such good moods. It's one of my favourite parts of fandom events. I was glad that this one wasn't like some events I've been to where people are dicks to everyone is they aren't friends with. Everyone just seemed so nice and happy, and I really felt a sense of community there too, which was lovely. Also, even though I've said this several times, it really was so lovely to meet @lesterchuu and @astudyinfondness. They were so lovely and it was great to meet people off the internet. 

Okay, now that we've got the fluff out of the way, let's get to the meat of this review: the show.

Dan

To put it plainly: Dan was acting. I'll get into why Phil was but also "wasn't" acting, but it was very clear that Dan was playing ~Daniel Howell. He had a few character breaks, like when he smacked his leg into the stage twice and almost said fuck both times. He also fiddled with his mic a lot, and I don't know if that's giving his hands something to do while Phil's talking, or if it was actually bothering him, but it was something I noticed.

Speaking of mannerisms, I was surprised to see how, for lack of a better term, 'campy' Dan's body language can be. He also walked very awkwardly across the stage a few times, which made me laugh.

Anyway, Dan was really interesting for me to watch because he was so in character the whole time. His 'Dan' voice is something that kind of bothers me after a while (which is why I like his liveshows the best out of his solo content), and while I didn't get bothered by it during the show, I was extremely hyper aware of its presence, which was the main thing that made me go "Oh Dan's really acting right now". Maybe that should be super obvious since I've listened to audio clips of the show before and know that it's 90% scripted, but I suppose I wasn't expecting it to be so obvious to me when I was watching it. Also, it was incredibly jarring (but also pleasant, in a way) to hear Dan's cackle irl. Along with that, Dan's facial expressions were always 'turned on'. Besides when he fixed his mic, whenever Phil was talking he looked full of energy and rearing to go.  Dan's dedication to his character kind of took me out of the loose narrative of the show because of how obvious I found it to be, but I know that's just me over analyzing things since I generally find Dan's mannerisms so interesting to watch. He did a really great job though.

Phil

I found Phil so much more interesting to watch through the whole show. Phil was definitely acting, but it was different from the way Dan was acting. Dan had the pacing and energy of someone who has to stay in a relatively emotionally stagnant character, while Phil came across very similarly to how he does in his videos. It was definitely played up a bit more because he's still acting in a stage show (side note: they must have decided to get some training before this one because they were a lot less stiff than in tatinof. I've only seen the youtube red version of it, but even then their acting was Not Great in it compared to this time around), but he felt more true to the Phil we see on the gaming channel and in liveshows than Dan did.

I think a lot of Phil's behaviour in this particular show was influenced by how exhausted he seemed to be that day. He looked tired in his instagram story, and on stage he definitely had a more neutral face than Dan did when Dan was talking. There were a few moments where I could see Phil falter and watch his expression shift to his 'Done' face, but it was only for a split second every time (yeah, I barely looked at them when they were talking. I was mostly trying to see what they looked like when the other was talking because for some reason I feel like that's more telling. Maybe I'm weird idk).

I'm not sure if he always sits for the simulation bit, but the fact that Dan didn't made me think that they usually stand so I think the tour was really starting to take a toll on him near the end there. He also popped a few squats and swayed his hips a lot which was amusing to me. Oh, and a bit that I found hilarious was after he got off the wheel and was undressing, he bent over so his ass was facing the audience while Dan was talking and everyone cheered which cut Dan off. Phil was struggling to get the suit over his shoes too so he kind of waddled into one of the wings but the spotlight kept following him. Eventually he just sat down on the stage and pulled it off, but I thought it was a funny moment (even if it's something that happens at every show where Phil's on the wheel).

Something else about Phil that really shone through here, similar to how it is in videos but not to the same extent, is how naturally funny he is. Again, it wasn't to the same extent that it is in videos since he's acting, but some of their little ad libbed moments were so much better because of Phil's quick humour.

Dan & Phil

Something I noticed right away was that their dynamic was far from the flirty and silly one we get on dapg, or even in joint videos/liveshows. I expected this since the show is mostly scripted, so that's fine, but it was still  very obvious to me the entire time. They didn't bounce off of each other in the same way they do in videos of course, but god they work so well together. The show didn't change my perception of them in the slightest, but it did make me see how much of a unit they really are. This was something I was very aware of before obviously, but seeing it irl made it a little more concrete, which was interesting. They really are the perfect package deal together and for each other. Their dynamic made me crave more from them though. The inner workings of their relationship are so interesting to me, and while it's far more likely than not that we'll ever get even the smallest glimpse into that part of their lives, it has me intrigued. But more on that later.

Moving onto the extremely superficial portion of this section, I was surprised to see how...similar they look to how they appear in videos. I was close enough to be able to see their sweat and whatnot, and I found it odd how they actually do look like they do online. I realise how ridiculous that sounds, but it was something that was running through my mind. The way they move their bodies was really quite awkward at times, but honestly I relate and I had a feeling they would be a little awkward in some bits. There was a moment when Dan looked right at the spot where I was sitting for a long time (obviously not directly at me, but in a spot either right in front or behind me--maybe he zoned out) while he was talking about something. I think it was during the real conversation section because he was sitting down, but I really didn't hear anything either of them were saying because my mind was like "wow his eyes are a really nice shade of brown" haha. In short, they're both pretty. Oh, and I could definitely see Dan's nipples the entire time.

The show & what I took away from it

To sum up my feelings in a few words: I really enjoyed myself! I had a lot of fun, but all it really did was make me crave a real conversation with them. This show was not nearly as enjoyable to me as a video or a liveshow, and I didn't expect it to be. I knew that it was going to be formulaic and that there would be a few moments that I would genuinely adore, but otherwise it was just going to be a fun time where I spend way too much money and get to see them 25 feet away. That's not a bad thing, either. I'm okay with that. I went in knowing that nothing revolutionary is going to happen because this show really isn't about me as a fan, or my fabricated one-way friendly connection to them, or what I want from them. I'm simply there to enjoy myself and explicitly support them monetarily, which is expected and fine. And I also never anticipated this show to be mind blowingly spectacular or anything, concept and script-wise. I don't expect that from Dan and Phil ever, and that's really not why I watch them. I'm definitely here because their chemistry is like nothing else and I find their relationship so fascinating. I think overall as someone who wasn't anticipating much and who had spoiled themselves as much as possible, seeing it actually exceeded my expectations. And it's a big plus in my book that it actually was a lot better than tatinof (but that's a whole other post tbh). The only thing that really annoyed me was the way fic is treated, but this happens in every show so I was expecting it, though it didn't stop me from being unimpressed. Oh, and I didn't appreciate being constantly shamed for voting for the craft videos. We all know that's where their content peaked.

I'm a little frustrated by how much it made me actually want to get to know them though, like I said earlier about being intrigued by the inner bits of their dynamic. I've said this for years, but I'd really love to have a long chat with them over coffee or drinks. I think it would be interesting. But that's a pipe dream and a half so this will definitely suffice.

I adore how queer the show was too. The fact that they're comfortable enough now to travel around the world with so many queer references in the scripted parts of their show makes me really happy for them.

Overall, I left the show in a good mood and feeling really fond of them. It was a nice time.

[adorkablephil]

Fic: Imaginary Friends finale!

Title: Imaginary Friends Summary: Nothing’s AU ... except that Dan and Phil have been appearing in each other’s dreams since childhood without realizing it because they’re soulmates. Everything on the outside looks like the reality we’re used to irl. Rating: Teen Word Count: 2.3K (this chapter) Tags: Soulmates, AU, But Kind of Not AU, Except That There’s Magic, Certainly Not a Typical Soulmates AU, Dreams, Getting Together, Friends to Lovers, Pining Author’s Note: This is the final chapter! The exclamation point at the end of this chapter’s title is a reference to the last screen image of the TATINOF stage show. Fic also available on AO3 here

[Masterlist of all Imaginary Friends chapters on Tumblr]

Chapter 11: The End!

Phil sat on the sofa in his usual spot, leaving Dan his preferred sofa crease, though he guessed that Dan would more likely choose to sit closer beside Phil instead. Phil had made the mistake of taking apart the Tetris lamp near the fireplace, and he hadn’t been able to figure out how to put it back together. He kept moving the pieces from one hand to the other, trying to fit them together with little success.

Dan came from the kitchen holding two mugs and presented one to Phil then, as Phil had hoped, curled up close to him so that his legs lay partway on top of Phil’s and their sides pressed together. Phil took a sip from the mug of hot chocolate and sighed, a sound Dan echoed as he lay his head on Phil’s shoulder.

“It’s going to be hard to drink your cocoa like that,” Phil pointed out, then took another sip, letting the warmth of the chocolate, the warmth of the man beside him, the warmth of this shared home they’d built together over the years seep into his bones, leaving him deeply comfortable and relaxed.

“I’ll drink it in a minute,” Dan replied. “Right now I’m comfy.” He nuzzled his head in the crook of Phil’s shoulder, his wavy hair tickling Phil’s chin and neck. He held his warm mug carefully in both hands, resting it on his thigh as he inhaled deeply.

Phil chuckled. “Are you sniffing me?”

“You smell like chocolate,” Dan replied before kissing Phil’s neck lightly and sitting up to take a sip of his own warm drink.

Phil rolled his eyes. “You’re the one who gave me the chocolate, you know.”

Dan shook his head, drank deeply from his mug, and smiled with his eyes closed for a moment. He opened his eyes and looked at Phil, and Phil saw the same complete relaxation and comfort suffusing him as Phil had been feeling. “You always smell like chocolate,” Dan smiled. “Or Haribo.”

“Always?” Phil asked, raising an eyebrow. “Even after we’ve spent hours getting all sweaty and coming all over each other and…”

A siren wailed from the road outside, drowning out Phil’s words, and they looked at each other and laughed.

“Just when you were starting to get so very wonderfully … inappropriate.” Dan’s grin was wicked. “Tell me more about the coming…”

The sound of drilling set Phil’s brain vibrating horribly in his skull, and he grimaced. “Did you have to make it this realistic?” he whined. “The chocolate was good, and the sofa, and even the Tetris lamp, even though I sort of broke it…”

Dan sighed. “Well, at least you only broke it in our dream. The real one is safe at home.” Their eyes met and they both looked a little sad. “Thousands of miles away.” Dan climbed onto Phil’s lap, wrapping his arms and legs around him as the sofa and lounge and Tetris lamp dissolved around them, leaving them cushioned by the plump pillows in their treehouse.

Their home away from home.

It wasn’t the same.

Dan squeezed Phil with all his limbs and then pushed him over so that he lay flat on the cushions with Dan on top of him. The roof and branches over their heads melted away so that beyond Dan’s head Phil saw a sky filled with stars. He remembered the first time Dan had been a sky full of stars, and then that star-filled boy leaned down, ducking his head to kiss him.

“You still taste like chocolate,” Dan breathed wistfully against Phil’s lips.

“You taste like starlight,” Phil replied, remembering, melancholy. “Like a man with lips made of stars.”

Dan lifted his hands to hold Phil’s face gently and leaned down to kiss him again. “You taste like home.”

Phil woke to the sound of the tour bus tires on the road, the sight of light glancing through the curtains to dance on the bedroom wall.

He almost missed the drilling and the sirens. Before they’d even left for the American part of the tour, they’d already agreed to find a new place when they got home, but right now all he wanted was to be back in that creaky flat with the dodgy gas pipes and complete lack of storage.

He imagined himself sleeping in Dan’s bed with the black-and-white comforter. He could bring his own pillow, with its bright blues and greens, the same pillow his head rested on right now. He turned his head slightly so that he could see mostly only the colorful fabric of his pillow case, and he imagined that he was in Dan’s bed back at the flat. He could smell Dan all around him in this room, could feel his warmth only inches away, could hear his soft breathing as he continued sleeping. He would wake soon, and the tour bus would arrive back in California again, and they would start another day of the tour.

Just two more performances.

Two more shows, on two consecutive days in California, and they would be finished. They would have to wrap up some loose ends for the behind-the-scenes documentary for YouTube Red, but then they could go home.

Finally home. Their home. Their home in a different sense than it had been when they left it, because they would be sharing it in a very different way than they had before.

He opened his eyes and looked at Dan’s peaceful, sleeping face. No frown, no dimple, no ironically pretentious facial expression. Just … Dan. And then those brown eyes fluttered open, and Dan smiled a sleepy smile, and there was the dimple. The deep one. With him lying on his side, the other wasn’t visible, but Phil knew it was there. He knew Dan now. Not just his dimples—he’d known those before, even anonymous people on the Internet who had never met Dan knew those—but Dan’s heart and Dan’s soul. Dan in the daylight and Dan in his dreams. He knew all of Dan. And Dan knew all of him.

And Dan loved him, even knowing it all.

And he loved Dan.

And tonight at the show they would have to act like nothing had changed. That they were the same Dan and Phil they’d been when they left that creaky flat, that they were the same people they’d been to each other then. That they hadn’t discovered everything they’d discovered since. That they didn’t know each other more intimately than any two people possibly could.

They would have to act like friends … with the tiniest bit of flirtation originally written into the script, which now felt like it profaned the profound honesty of the truth.

Dan’s drowsy smile faded, presumably at the expression on Phil’s own face. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

Phil shrugged, then turned to lie on his back, looking up at the familiar ceiling of the familiar tour bus bedroom. “Just … I’m tired of putting on an act. Pretending that you aren’t … that you aren’t … everything. To me.”

Dan’s voice sounded sad when he said slowly, “We’ll still have to pretend when we get home. I mean … unless you were thinking … were you wanting to tell everyone?”

Phil turned to face Dan again. “No!” he said forcefully. “This is too important, too private, too … this is just for us. No one else would understand.” He kissed Dan’s lips gently. “No one could understand. Even people who know some of it, like Martyn and Cornelia … they can’t really understand. No one ever will. This is ours.”

“Then … how will it be different when we’re home?” Dan sounded confused.

Phil sighed and lay flat on his back again. “I don’t know. We just won’t have to … every night won’t be … we can just … we can be together, at the flat. Whatever flat we end up choosing. We can be there together, and it can be private. It can be real. When we’re there, when no one is watching, it will be real. And that will be most of the time. Right now, it’s just … it’s like … most of it’s pretending … and we’re only real in stolen moments. I want more than that. I don’t want to have to spend most of our time pretending that we aren’t … connected.”

Phil felt Dan lie flat beside him, both of them staring up at the ceiling now, and then he felt that warm, beloved hand slip into his, fingers intertwining. Dan said softly, “We’ll be able to be real. All the time. Not just in our dreams.”

Phil turned his head, so did Dan, and they just looked at each other for a while. Maybe all the rest of the way to California.

The penultimate show in some random southern California town went off without a hitch, and all that remained was the most important show, the one that they were filming in Hollywood to release as an actual movie on YouTube Red … a movie that was planned to be one of the subscription service’s first major releases.

No pressure.

In the dressing room before the show, Dan shooed everyone out and pushed Phil up against the door to kiss him, using the weight of both their bodies to make sure no one could open the door to interrupt.

“Okay,” he said as he pulled away, looking a bit nervous. Phil knew how he felt. They’d done a lot of these shows, but this one would be recorded forever, seen by a lot more people than any of the live stage shows had been. They would have to be aware of every glance, every facial expression, every gesture. “You ready?” Dan asked, and Phil nodded.

“One more kiss,” Phil begged, and Dan complied with flattering enthusiasm. There wouldn’t be any kissing once their make-up had been applied and the crew began buzzing around them like a cloud of annoyingly persistent but incredibly helpful gnats, right up until the moment they walked out onto the stage alone … together.

Phil thought that final show was the best of the entire tour. They’d certainly practiced it enough by then, after so many performances in so many cities in front of so many crowds. And if their facial expressions showed a bit too much occasionally, well … the fans would only like it more.

But how could they sing, “Without the Internet we never would have met,” in the same way now that they had when they’d first written the song all those months ago? Before they’d known.

Before they’d known that they had met long, long before Phil ever made that first video, before YouTube even existed, or Twitter, or any of it.

They hadn’t needed the Internet in order to meet. They’d only needed their dreams.

Though, in the end, the Internet had ended up helping rather a lot with the practical side of things.

But none of that was in the show they’d written, or the song they sang, though a bit of it may have been in their eyes despite how much they tried to hide it.

They’d filmed much of the documentary commentary already, but the last segment had them both struggling for composure. Phil was surprised how emotional he was that it was really over. It was really the end. The end of the tour, but the start of something new for him and Dan, and neither of them knew yet what that would look like.

Phil suspected there would be toast and tea and anime and treehouses and cornflowers and giant Godzillas and things he couldn’t even imagine yet, because their future could be anything they wanted it to be, anything at all.

As they filmed the final scenes for the documentary, he and Dan tried to wrap things up, talking about the end of the tour. They’d written vague notes in advance, but hadn’t planned precisely what they wanted to say, because they liked to leave things a bit spontaneous, as they did in their videos. Some of their conversation was completely unscripted.

So when they’d climbed into the car and Phil said without thinking, “I think I’ll be on the plane and I’ll be like, ‘Awww! I miss the tour bus!’” he saw Dan’s expression shift, as if he were trying to keep his face bland in front of the camera, but up close Phil could see that his eyes were not bland at all. Not at all.

“Will you miss the tour bus?” Dan asked, trying to turn it into a joke. But Phil knew it wasn’t a joke.

“Yeah!” And he made sure Dan could see he meant it. Because without that bus, without them sharing that bed, would they ever have worked it out? Would they ever have realized?

They made sure that the edit cut immediately after that, because Dan hadn’t been able to keep his expression from going too soft for public consumption. Too many feelings and memories that just weren’t meant for YouTube Red.

The final words of the documentary, though, they’d scripted precisely in advance. Phil knew the cute bit of dialogue would work, would wrap up the story of the tour, would give their viewers a sense of satisfaction and completion … but they’d also made sure to include a bit of their own private meaning, just for them.

Because, in the end, this voyage had been about them. About them finding each other, and realizing that they’d found each other long ago without even realizing it, and discovering that their home had been there for them all along, but now they could go back to having it mostly just for themselves. They had a lot to explore and learn, now that they would finally have a bit more privacy.

“Hey Phil?” Dan asked, following the script.

“What?” Phil asked brightly.

“Let’s go home.”

“Okay.”

Author’s End Note: So there you have it, folks. The end has come. I’ve loved writing this story, and some of you have seemed to really enjoy reading it, so I’m kind of sorry to see it end. But let me know what you think, whether it be through likes, comments, reblogs, Patreon, Ko-fi, anonymous asks, or whatever floats your boat. Every single one of you who has offered even the smallest word of encouragement, thank you. Your support has been appreciated more than you know.

A reviewer on AO3 requested this fic from Dan’s POV, and I actually do plan to write a one-shot that gives Dan’s perspective on this world and its events. It won’t be an additional chapter to this story, because this story is finished, but I’ll link to it on the masterlist as a sort of adjunct or something if/when it gets written.

And, lastly, to the anon who many many months ago requested that I write a soulmates AU, this strange concoction probably wasn’t what you were hoping for, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. 💜

[dansphlevels]

Please please this idea has been in my head for so long a prompt dan realized he has feelings for Phil during the making of tabinof so he just straight out asks Phil on a date and they share a milkshake with 2 straws

I ended up making it while they’re on the tour, not while they’re writing the book. I hope you like it!

Nothing And Everything

Day 4 of 12 Days Of Prompts

Length: 3.5k

Themes: tatinof, friends to lovers, ‘friendly kissing’, cereal stealing, milkshakes with two straws

 "Phil!"

 Phil stuffed the box back into the cupboard, slamming it closed and shoving the last handful of cereal into his mouth before turning and running.

 "My... fucking... Crunchy Nut!" Dan bellowed throughout the bus.

 Phil skidded out of the miniature kitchenette, fumbling with the bus lock before slamming the door open and sprinted out, almost tripping and choking on the cereal in his mouth. He ran along the side of the bus, speeding up as he heard the door slam open behind him.

 "No, no! You won't get away, you fucking-"

 Phil turned the corner of the bus, Dan hot on his heels. He turned again, ran along the length and turned again, then again, and was back at the door of the bus but was going far too fast to be able to turn into it. Instead, he ran away from the bus towards the McDonald's.

 Dan was hot on his trail, yelling and generally making a commotion. Phil sprinted across the parking lot, almost getting hit by a car, and slammed the door of the restaurant open with his shoulder, bolting in. He shoved the other door open and shoved past the line of early morning commuters who hadn't gotten their morning coffee yet.

 "You little bitch!"

 Phil dropped to his knees and slid five feet under a table. Hidden from sight, he gasped for breath, trying to swallow the cereal mush in his mouth.

 It was silent for a few moments, besides the general commotion of the McDonalds.

 "Ah ha!"

Phil jumped, hitting his head against the underside of the table. Dan was grinning from ear to ear, while still managing to scowl. "Phil, mind to tell me what you're eating?"

 Phil was hardly eating the cereal, more choking on it. He swallowed the last mushy bite. "Your cereal!" He admitted shamefully.

 "Now tell me Phil, do you not have your own cereal? Did you finish it?"

 "No! I just wanted some of yours!" Phil crawled out from under the table, standing and facing Dan with his hands on his hips. People were staring, but they didn't really care. They were in some random city in... Missouri was it?... and the tour had been going on long enough that they'd publicly humiliated themselves more than once.

 Dan nodded sympathetically. "And will you do it again?"

 "Probably!" With that, Phil turned and ran, ignoring Dan's protests behind them. He was chased back through the McDonalds, across the pavement- by then the sun had almost fully risen, turning the sky shades of pink and orange that you just didn't get in London- and back into the bus. There, Phil ran straight to the back, through the living/kitchenette area, past the bathroom and through the hall with the bunk beds, into the master bedroom. There, Dan tackled him onto the bed, and they wrestled, throwing out various cereal-based insults and grinning the whole time.

 They were best friends. Phil and Dan, two boys from the U.K. who found video cameras and started putting out content, never imagining what could come from it. Dan had been 18, with a bad haircut and minimal understanding of producing when he put out his first video, almost 7 years prior. Now, he tackled and wrestled with his former idol and current best friend Phil, in the bus for their world tour. How he'd gotten so lucky, he truly didn't know.

 Even if Phil did steal his cereal.

 Finally, they admitted a draw, and Dan rolled over onto his side of the bed, trying to catch his breath. He mumbled something about how Phil should 'get your own Crunchy Nuts', to which Phil giggled and made a bad innuendo. Dan shoved him lightly, but he laughed too, that breathy little laugh he made whenever Phil said something ridiculous yet painfully endearing.

 Dan rolled over onto his side, where he found Phil already doing the same. He smiled at his friend, feeling his eyes drift from Phil's eyes to his lips.

 They heard footsteps coming towards them and quickly scooted away, giving each other as much space as possible on the queen-sized bed. Dan moved to his side of the side, lying on his back with his hands under his head while Phil sat up on his side, grabbing his phone defensively, like someone had yelled 'be casual!' and they had to pretend they weren't doing something naughty. Which, for the record, they weren't- unless you considered going all goo-goo eyed over your best friend naughty.

 The driver knocked on the door.

 "Come in!" Phil called casually.

 The bus driver opened the door, observing the overly casual scene. "Just checking that you both are here. Ready to go?"

 Phil glanced over at Dan as if they hadn't just chased each other out of the bus and ended up in a full blown tackle fight. "You good?"

 "I'm good. Let's head out!"

 "Next stop, Denver!"

----

It was a much-needed rest day. Dan and Phil's sleep schedules were permanently skewed, but they always managed to get naps in between states and take advantage of the days without shows. To get to Colorado, they had to drive across Kansas, which was just about as interesting as it could be.

 "Hey Phil, wake up." Dan nudged Phil awake, pointing out the window. "Look. Don't you see it?"

 Phil blinked awake, his hair having fallen in front of his face. They were in the living area of the bus, where they ate, napped, watched tv, used and abused the in-bus wifi, and played an excess of board games. The table was currently folded and covered with firm cushions, making it a perfect place to sit and stare out the large windows at the views of the states as they drove through them. It still didn't provide too much room, but neither Dan nor Phil minded getting close.

 Phil yawned, stretching and grabbing his glasses in own move. He wiggled a little, getting comfortable, before finally looking out the window to see what Dan had been so excited about. "What is it?"

 "Cornfields," Dan said, still in that low, relaxed tone. "Have you ever seen one like this before?"

 Phil blinked, looking a little closer. "What's interesting about it?"

 "It's the same one as an hour ago. Phil, you literally fell asleep at this same field. An hour ago." His expression was strained. "The Internet is down and I'm going insane."

 "Was that really worth waking me up over?"

 "Yes. I can't remember my lines for tomorrow night if I've lost my mind."

 Phil sat up more, bending his knees in front of him and stretching them out a little. Dan stretched his legs out a little too, and they tangled together.

 Dan stared at their legs a moment too long. Phil said something, but he didn't hear it, too focused on the constant typing in his head- narrating out his legs intertwined with Phil's and the way he caught his breath and the thoughts he wasn't supposed to really exactly have-

 "What?"

 "I said do you want to play a board game? We could have a rematch of Bucket of Doom."

 Dan appreciated his best friend's features for a moment too long. "Um, yeah, let’s do that! I'll wait here while you get it."

 Phil grumbled something about Dan being lazy as he got up and ruffled Dan's hair, knowing how much it would annoy him. Dan fixed it pointedly, claiming Phil shouldn't destroy artwork like that.

----

 They'd made a mistake. Dan knew that in his present state, he should not be watching romance movies or anything of that nature, and he definitely shouldn't be watching them with Phil. But Phil suggested it, and it sounded like a good movie, and Dan was so damn whipped, fuck.

 So they watched the movie. Sitting, cuddled up in a mass of blankets and pillows and limbs, because they were sitting in the same spot as earlier, on the bench by the window with the table folded underneath. Except now, it was nighttime, the curtains were drawn, and Dan and Phil sat curled together facing the tv.

 Or, to be more precise, that's what they had been doing. Until the movie ended, and they got to talking, and fuck it, they were both in the mood and no one was watching and they hadn't dated anyone for ages, so they kissed.

 Only a little. For a few minutes. It wasn't supposed to go too far. They were still kissing. They still hadn't stopped. Both on their respective sides of the couch, except they weren't keeping a respectable distance between each other. Neither was on top; neither dominated the kiss; they were perfect equals. And more importantly, neither wanted to stop.

 "We can't keep doing this," Dan whispered into the kiss when his conscience got the best of him.

 Phil made a noise between a whine and a sigh. "Tell me when to stop."

 Dan didn't tell them to stop. He just kept kissing him, pressing deeper and trying to contain himself. They stayed that way for moments- minutes? hours?- more, before Dan whispered "Stop."

 They both pulled away, wiping their mouths and adjusting the blankets over their crotches in perfect unison. Dan lent his head against the back cushion, catching his breath.

 They stayed there in the quiet for a few moments, as they always did when they kissed. Friendly kisses, they called them, because of course they were just friends and they had to label it in some way so they would know what the hell they were doing. They weren't lovers, nor were they friends with benefits. They were strictly friends- friends who sometimes sort of kissed, but only a little and only when they were in the mood and only when they convinced themselves it was acceptable. And only when they were alone and there was absolutely zero possibility that someone would see. The bus was still running and the curtains were drawn, which meant there was zero possibility that someone would see.

 Phil breathed out a laugh. "That was good."

 "You were good."

 They both laughed that same stupid breathy laugh because they were stupid and stupid people have to do stupid things sometimes.

 Speaking of. "I like you." The words were out of Dan's mouth and he wanted so badly to regret them but he didn't, not even a little.

 The hesitation that followed was condemning and promising all at once. "We're best friends," Phil said, treading lightly. "I would hope that you like me."

 "Not like that." Dan didn't need to explain it further, because as Phil had said, they were best friends. Words become less necessary when you can read each other's silence like braille.

 "Oh." Phil considered this. "Like what then?"

 "You can say no," Dan ventured, because he was always the brave one and he had to be brave and it was too late now, "But I'd like to take you out on a date."

 The d-word had been dropped. Date.

 "A date."

 "A date."

 "Like... to the movies?"

 "Like out to eat or something. A date date. Like... a relationship date. The thing you do when you want to test out the waters, without actually diving in."

 "This isn't diving in?"

 "No, it's wading in. We can wade for a while... test out the, erm, waters... just tell me? Is it a no?"

 Phil scrunched up his face. "It's not... not a no."

 "Phil, this is the age of consent. I need to hear a yes."

 "Then it's a yes. But... only if you tell me what we're doing on the date."

 Dan was smiling a little dreamily. It felt like a dream, at least. He hadn't planned on asking Phil out, even. But he'd done it. "We're... doing something cheesy. I don't know, I didn't think this through. We'll... go out to eat and share a milkshake. And I'll pick you up at noon."

 Phil hummed. "But we're in the same bus. Why would you pick me up?"

 "Because I'm trying to do this right. Why, do you want to do it a different way?"

 It was quiet as Phil considered. "We'll share a milkshake?"

 "Two straws," Dan promised.

 "Then... let's do it your way. But only if we get a large milkshake."

----

 Dan took a shower the next morning, scrubbing down and washing his face, taking longer than normal as he tried to prepare.

 He walked into the shared master bedroom without thinking, only wearing his boxers with the towel around his shoulders. Phil was propped up on the bed, on his phone, but he looked up when he saw Dan. "You smell good," he noted. "Who you trying to impress?"

 "I have a date this afternoon."

 "Oh. Do you think I'll like him?"

 Dan smiled, playing along as he got out his clothes to get dressed. "Nah, he's kinda weird. And he's old. He's almost thirty."

 Dan laughed when the pillow hit him, Phil telling him to shut up in that low voice he had whenever Dan annoyed him and made him laugh at the same time.

----

 The bus was parked at a small diner. It had promising yelp reviews and, even more promisingly, had a parking lot that was almost empty.

 They were somewhere in Colorado. It had that soft warmth, and when Dan stepped out of the bus ten minutes early, he could see the blue mountains in the distance, barely capped with white. The air had a certain freshness to it, dry, but also clean. Dan inhaled deeply, realizing as he stepped onto the pavement that it was his first time in the state.

 He was wearing a pair of black jeans and a button down black and white plaid shirt. He'd actually dug through Phil's drawers and found a black bow tie of his, but it just looked dorky. He found one of his own skinny black ties, but when he put it on, he just looked like he was from a boy band. Finally, he gave up, fixed his hair one last time, and pulled on a black jacket.

 He went into the restaurant, which as promised by the parking lot, was blessedly empty. A few old couples sat around the room, but they weren't exactly their target demographic. Dan got a table for two in the area of the restaurant furthest from the front and sat, staring at the clock on his phone until it was time.

 The night prior, he hadn't had time to think about it. They'd kissed, which neither had exactly planned to do, then Dan asked Phil out, which he definitely hadn't planned to do. And Phil had said yes.

  Did he mean to say yes, Dan wondered, his anxiety growing as the minutes passed and noon came closer. 11:56. Or was he just being polite? Did he understand what I meant when I asked?

 What ifs and oh nos raced through Dan's mind as he fumbled with his phone, pressing the power button each time it turned off from disuse. 11:58.

 What if it goes horribly wrong? What if it ruins everything?

 11:59 and it was time to go.

 Dan left the restaurant, telling his waitress that he'd be right back, and walked out to the bus. There, he fixed his hair once more- okay, twice more- and knocking on the door.

 There was a small crashing noise from inside. Dan wanted to just open up the door and see what it was but resisted. Then Phil opened the door, and instantly, all of Dan's fears melted away.

 "Hi," he murmured, his brain too busy freaking out to think up anything witty to say. "It's noon?"

 "I think so." Phil hopped out of the bus, brushing off his own jacket. He was wearing a maroon shirt with a warm jean jacket over it, and for once Dan stared at him openly, not hypersensitive of how long he was staring for or if it was awkward.

 "I checked," Dan said, his voice still more unsure than he'd intended. "They have shakes."

---

 The table was so small that their legs touched underneath it, but neither of them complained. It was a very old-fashioned American restaurant, whites and blues and reds, a soda fountain from dozens and dozens of years ago that was still up and running. They boasted the best cheeseburgers in the county.

 They ordered- actually, Phil told Dan what he wanted and Dan ordered, because he was the one who asked Phil out and they were doing things traditionally- and then they handed over the menu and were promised the food would be out soon.

 They talked of the same things they always talked about. There were the things they had in common: the tour, the animes they were watching, friends. And they had the things that made them unique from each other: stories from childhood, university. They read one of the pamphlets on the side of the table that talked about the history of the restaurant.

 "Originally opened as a park-and-eat.... family owned business.... over fifty years..."

 "The owner must be so old! Imagine just this ninety-year-old flipping burgers!"

 Then there was the "Phil," quickly followed by Dan explaining that the owner probably didn't still work there. Followed by Phil laughing at his mistake, and coming up with all the reasons why working at a restaurant would be beneficial for old people all while Dan stared at him Fondly(TM) because he was ridiculous, he was so so ridiculous, and Dan was absolutely head over heels for him.

 Their food came in red plastic baskets and a tall classic milkshake glass. "I brought the refill too," the waitress explained, giving them another cup, this one metal and half full of milkshake. "Can I get you anything else?"

 "Can we get another straw?" Dan asked. 

 The waitress agreed, and seeming slightly curious, asked if they were from Britain. Then, after Dan agreed, she said, "I love your accents. I think it's so interesting how they are slightly different though, they're both very unique."

 Cue Phil explaining how your accent depends on what part of the U.K. you lived in. Cue Dan making fun of Phil's northern accent. Cue the waitress going to get them another straw. Cue their legs brushing against each other underneath the table, because they could give each other personal space, but what fun is that?

 Phil started to say something. Then he quickly closed his mouth, instead holding up his hands in the shape of two brackets, mouthing the words Hi, my name is-

"Oh, fuck off!" Dan threw the spoon he had just picked up in Phil's general vicinity, Phil not bothering to stop laughing even as it hit his chest and fell into his lap.

 The waitress came back with the extra straw, and left as they popped them into the milkshake. The table was small enough that both were able to drink from it at the same time.

 "This is so cheesy," Phil commented, though he didn't pull back.

 "It's supposed to be cheesy." One of Dan's hands held his straw and the other was laid on the table. Phil inched his hand over, casually brushing against Dan's. They intertwined their fingers, and it felt so normal, so right, that Dan wondered why they'd never done this before.

 The rest of their date was perfect. The food could have been made out of cardboard and Dan probably wouldn't have noticed, he was too busy laughing and staring at the boy in front of him. They had to pull their hands apart to eat, but somehow their hands kept inching back until they were intertwined once more.

 "I had a lot of fun," Phil said. They were standing outside of the bus, the food gone and bill paid. "I... I'd like to do stuff like this more. Like... make it a thing."

 "A thing?"

 "You know... a thing thing."

   A thing thing. Phil, I like you. Like like you. Like... like dating relationships like you. A date date. That type of date. Wading, not diving in. Just taking a dip. Testing the waters. Phil, I like like you.

 They were holding hands again. Dan didn't want to let go. Ever. Ever ever.

  Phil... I like like you.

 Dan told him he agreed. And hesitantly, as if they'd never done it before, they kissed. The slow cute little first date kiss, like they were still kids who hardly knew each other but were excited at the prospect of a relationship. But they did know each other. They were best friends. Except now, now they were something a little bit more.

 The kiss was familiar. The kiss was sweet. The kiss was natural. They kissed like it was nothing. But it wasn't nothing. It was everything and nothing at the same time, and they didn't want to ever pull away.

12 Days Of Prompts Masterlist / Fic Masterlist / Request A Fic

[confusedphaniel]

A Sleepless Night with Phil (and Dan)

“You know those have coffee in them right?”

It’s a simple comment muttered as Dan walked past Phil, headed for the remote which sat near the TV. Phil looked down at the bag of chocolate covered coffee beans in his lap and frowned. No, he somehow hadn’t known that, but he wasn’t about to admit it.

“Yeah?” He answers hesitantly, making Dan laugh fondly

“No, Phil you didn’t, or you wouldn’t be eating them at,” He looks down at his phone screen and scoffs “Quarter to eleven at night”

Phil simply sighs and sets the bag aside. “Looks like another sleepless night with Phil then,” He says and Dan laughs

“Yeah, but don’t you think they’ll be a little peeved if you film it in the cupboard? I’ve been on Tumblr, they know we share a room. They’re going to think you’re either quelling rumors or that I’m a total dick who makes you sleep in a cupboard” Dan says. Phil shrugs 
“Maybe I can just film it in our room” Dan stops fiddling with the remote from his place standing in front of the Tv and turns to look at him 
“Do you think we’re ready for that?” He asks unsure of himself

“We’ve been hinting at them for ages, so why not? I can make the video and not even acknowledge that I’m in whats supposed to be your room, just play it cool” He says, hands gesturing outwards with a slight tone added to his voice

Dan laughs and rolls his eyes “If you’re there, I’m there with you” 
So that night, when Dan and Phil finally crawl into bed and it becomes apparent that Phil wasn’t going to be getting any sleep, he pulls out his Phone and, training it on himself, he hits the record button.

“Hey guys,” he says quietly, doing his usual hand movement when the light blinks on. “Looks like it’s going to be another sleepless night with Phil”

“Right now, it’s about 1:30 in the morning and I ate half a bag of chocolate covered coffee beans like two hours ago, so I don’t think I’m going to be getting any sleep, So I thought you guys could keep me company!”

Phil glances to the side as Dan stirs in his sleep then looks back to the camera “I have to keep my voice down, as Dan is asleep right there, and he’s already told me he’ll kick my ass if I wake him up, and I don’t really want that, so…” He pauses for a moment to get his train of thought back

“anyways”

Phil gasps then and turns his camera around, wriggling his feet out from under the duvet, revealing his socks, which were covered in little corgis. 
“Do you like my socks?” He asks into the dark, wiggling his toes. “I love them,” He continues, turning the camera back around to his face “But I feel bad because there’s Corgi’s on the bottom as well and I feel like I’m squashing them when I walk” He pulls a face and laughs lightly at this but stops abruptly when Dan stirs

It was then that Dan rolled over and snuggled into Phil’s side, his arm thrown over Phil’s stomach. He was visible on camera, and Phil knew he’d have to ask Dan if it was okay to include that bit in the video, but he smiled anyway and draped his arm over Dan gently.

“Time to get revenge for the picture Dan posted of me sleeping after TATINOF,” Phil whispers, angling the camera down a little bit more to show the entirety of Dan’s face. “Look at this sleepy boy, For some reason, he woke up really early this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep so I doubt we’ll be able to wake him up, but I’m still going to be quiet just in case.”

Then he Angles the camera back up and groans slightly “And I was just about to go for a snack too, now I’m trapped, and I’m hungry” He frowns then, pouting slightly. He rolls his eyes, and with a small smile, he squeezes Dan gently to him.

He talks for a little while more about this and that, and about their plans for the following week. Then he tweets, asking his and Dan’s audience for some questions.

“Okay, the first question is ‘When will you get a dog’. I’ve already told you! Dan and I are renting, and the landlord is not okay with us having a dog here. We’re already Loud enough as it is, adding a dog into the mix will just be total chaos” he widens his eyes and spreads his hand for emphasis, his glasses slipping down slightly,

“We’d be evicted for sure!” He laughs and scrolls some more

“‘How was Dunkirk?’ Dunkirk was amazing! I ate all of my popcorn right at the beginning so I had to share Dans for the rest of the movie. I thought Harry Styles was going to be distracting, but he was so good!” Phil enthuses happily, having really enjoyed the movie. “Christopher Nolan apparently didn’t even know who he was when he was cast, like how can you not know who he is? But I loved the movie, five boats out of five.” He giggles then, remembering a tweet from earlier. “Someone told me on twitter the Emoji I used was a cruise ship, but let’s pretend it’s not because that would be rather embarrassing wouldn’t it?”

“Okay! Moving on, the next Question is ‘When are the new plushies coming out?’ The new plushies, I’m not sure yet, but we’ll let you know, we’re working on them though, don’t worry” 


Phil scrolls for a while before landing on another question he could answer “Okay, someone asked ‘who was the last person you texted, and what did you say?’ Well, let me see. I texted Dan and asked,” He pauses, not wanting to say the most recent text, which was a simple ‘I love you’ so he skipped up one

“I asked Dan to bring me a cup of tea, and he said Alright”

He had said more than that, but Phil left out the part where he referred to Dan as ‘Bear’, and that Dan had responded to the ‘I love you’ text with a simple ‘love you too Xx’ as this video was going to give their audience a heart attack already, what with Phil being in the moon room, and Dan not only sleeping beside him but snuggling him, he didn’t want to lose half their audience to simultaneous strokes.

“Then someone decided to send me a picture of their dog- oh he’s so cute!” Phil says smiling broadly at his laptop, which was perched low on his lap.

After a few minutes of deliberation, he decides to try and go to the kitchen. He slowly begins to slip out from under the covers and leave, but Dan’s grip tightens on him and he begins to mutter for Phil to stay.



“Dan, I’m filming” He knew this would get Dan, who springs back with a mutter of 

“N-no homo” Phil laughs at him and rolls his eyes

“Little late for that bear, I’m just going to get some food, then I’ll be right back.” 
Dan just nods, and rolls over, snuggling back down into the covers. Phil then proceeds down to the kitchen, pulling out a bowl and a spoon, he films himself pouring cereal into a bowl. 

“Don’t tell Dan I’m eating his cereal,” he says with a giggle, then fills the bowl with milk and sits down to the table to eat it, scrolling through Tumblr on his laptop while he does, occasionally showing some artwork or reading out a funny post or two.

When he does return to bed Dan is sitting up waiting for him, scrolling through Tumblr. 


Phil yawns, covering his mouth with his hand and squeaking in triumph “I’m getting tired! So, I guess I’ll see you guys later!” He waves, wrapping up the video, then stops the recording, crawling back into bed with Dan. 

“We have to go through that footage together later,” Phil says as Dan tucks back down beside him

“Why?”

“To decide what we want to include and what we don’t want to include, after all, there’s a lot of incriminating stuff in that footage, and if we released it all, Tumblr may just crash” 


Dan laughs and shakes his head “Okay, but go ahead and put in anything you want, I’ve been thinking, and I think I’m ready to tell them, as long as you are”

Phil just smiles and kisses Dan gently, lifting his chin up, thumb pulling his bottom lip down slightly, chin rested on the rest of Phil’s hand. 


“Okay, now let’s get some sleep” 


And with that, A sleepless night with Phil (And Dan) comes to an end.

[oblivionsgrace]

I'd love to hear those hyperfixation thoughts (also everytime you post ian and mickey I get closer to catching up on shameless)

Hello! omg haha thank you for giving me an excuse to waffle on about it. But also now that you’ve said that you’re gonna regret it because I’m gonna go ahead and write the essay that’s been brewing in my head for like 2 months and I apologize in advance.

But first oh no pleaseee be wary of catching up shameless. It’s really just as bad as it was before, and there’s a lot of tension in the fandom from what I can see, and I feel like it’s not a good for anyone’s mental health to get invested. Or maybe wait until the s10 finale airs (end of January) and then catch up on all the ian and mickey stuff, that way you don’t have to wait out the stressful cliffhangers and you’ll know how it ends. I just don’t want to be responsible for anyone getting themselves emotionally hurt by shameless again. But also I am glad that there is now a second person who I know doesn’t hate that I’m posting that stuff haha because unfortunately I am *in it.*

Okay hyperfixations! I have always been someone who is prone to hyperfixations, which I think has been both a good and bad thing for me. It’s bad in that I get over invested in something and it gains too much power over my mental health, so then if anything goes wrong (see, shameless sucking, that whole dnp at f*lix’s birthday fiasco) I feel a big emotional dip in response. Which obviously, like, is not good for my or anyone’s mental health!

But hyperfixations have also been really good for me because they’ve helped me get through bad times by being a distraction, or they’ve given me an outlet to be creative and really think about stuff in a way that I might not be getting in my life. And I think hyperfixations of certain things often come into our lives because we are lacking a specific something. When we fall away from the thing, it’s likely because our life or feelings have changed and we don’t feel we can get as much from it anymore. So this makes RE-visiting hyperfixations super interesting. Because it could be you need it for the same reason, but that’s unlikely because people change! So even if, say, you’re going through a tough time again, you’ll probably be in a slightly different place than before, so what you GET out of a hyperfixation and what you SEE in it will change. So the hyperfixation will be the same, but the experience won’t.

 Like, this is my second go-around in the phandom. I first, like, joined the phandom in 2010. I remember the buildup to pinofs 3 and 4. And at that time it was already clear to me that there was strong chemistry between them and thought they were probably more than friends, but to be honest I just thought they were really funny and enjoyed the banter. I wasn’t too invested in like phan per say, and so when 2012-2013 became a chaotic time in the phandom and dnp became much more weird towards each other on camera and I hated that and I hated all the speculation about it and I didn’t make it through.

I didn’t revisit Dan and Phil until November 2016. I missed the whole tatinof era, knew it was happening but wasn’t really interested. I went through a rough patch during that time where I had to pull away a bit from a lot of the people in my life and wasn’t sleeping well, and then one day I came across pinof 8 and…ohh boy. I was TRANSFIXED. I was like wow something is going on here and it’s complex and layered and fullll of love. And the first time I discovered dnp I’d needed to laugh. The second time I wanted to better understand love. So they became a little bit more of a case study for me, this go around. And then – who would have ever thought – I wrote a long-ass fanfiction ABOUT 2012. The me who was in the phandom in 2012 would’ve probably hated my own fic lmao. But that’s how revisiting hyperfixations works! You’ve changed and so the thing itself has changed.

And I don’t think I ever fully realized this until these past few months when I fell back down the god forsaken rabbit whole that is ian and mickey. (And shameless is, like, the textbook example of a BAD THING TO BE HYPERFIXATED ON lmao. I think even back in the time of s1-5 people would’ve said it was an unreliable hyperfixation, a sort of gamble in hell, and that’s especially the case now. I would argue that s1-4 were good, with a solid tone and arc, and then s5 started to lose its magic, and then s6-9 were so bad that they cracked the entire foundation of the show. Shameless will NEVER be able to recover from that and unfortunately never will ian and mickey.) I rewatched all of their scenes for the first time since like 2015 and found that I felt differently now about almost every one! Back in 2011-2015 I really enjoyed their dynamic in s4 and cared the most about that, but now I feel so much more aware of ian’s manipulative nature. Comparatively, I used to not care about ixm stuff in s2 at all, because they only had like 3 seasons. But now the idea of that summer!!! Makes me want to explode!!! Because that’s the summer that they actually like became friends and got to hang out and be just dumb young boys. The dugout scene kills me, is maybe my favorite of theirs overall. And of course the fact that I care about this more now is probably also because I am older and feel more badly about their lost childhoods, and so instead of wanting to push them forward as s4 does – mickey coming out, their famous kiss scene, etc – I want to rewind time and give them the space to be children and dumb in love. I never would have cared about that before.

So revisiting hyperfixations is kind of nostalgia but also a strange marker of time in which something that is old becomes completely new and also makes you aware of how you as a person have probably become new even though you might feel old or exactly the same. I don’t know it’s so weird! Time is so strange! Happy new year everyone!

[dansleftthigh]

I guess all this vidcon stuff is getting to my head because last night I had a dream I met dnp at Vidcon.

I actually met them twice in the dream. The first time I don’t fully remember but I do remember getting a pic with them and telling them much I loved them/their videos. (Your typical fan stuff) Then the second time I was trying to get into their panel. They were going to be performing a TATINOF show and I was waiting in line to see it. By the time I got to the head of the line the employee letting everyone in told me I didn’t have access to this part of the convention. I was SO bummed. Anyway, I went over into the food court by the room dnp were in and just kind of moped for awhile. But then right before their show I saw dnp come out to order their lunch and was like “!!!!” I didn’t want to bother them so I waited till Dan went to sit down and I ran up to Phil and was like “Hi, Phil! I just met y’all like an hour ago! It’s nice to see you again!” and I hugged him. (I don’t know what Phil’s actual hugs feel like, but if that’s it I give them an A+++) Anyway, because this was a dream, Phil was all like “Yeah, I remember you! What’s up?!” and we started chatting. He asked me if there was anything that could be improved around the convention and I was like “Yeah! the ticket system is terrible! Don’t make people wait in lines for hours and then tell them they can’t go in!” and I started naming over all these faults about the convention and??? asdfghjhgfd. But he was SO nice about it and listened to everything I said and was like “Wow, that’s horrible! We’ll definitely work on that!” This whole time I was glancing over at Dan who was waiting on Phil to come eat lunch so they could leave and I was like...sweating profusely because “omg please dont hate me dan im not trying to hold you up i just really wanted to talk to phil and besides hes enjoying talking to me” I was about to mention to Phil that I was really sad because I wasn’t going to be able to see their show because I didn’t have access to that area (i’m a cheeky bastard so I was 100% trying to get phil to feel sorry for me and say “Oh ignore that! Come on in! we’ll find you a seat!”) but an employee came up and was like “What are you doing in here?! We told you you didn’t have access to this area! Get out!” I was horrified because “Oh my god, Phil’s going to think i’m a trouble maker who sneaked into a restricted area! I don’t want this to be his impression of me, i’m not like that!” anyway after stuttering around and explaining that I didn’t know the food court was off limits they left me alone. The dream ended with me hugging Phil and thanking him for talking to me. We started walking over to Dan so we could hang out and chat together for a bit but then I woke up and it was all over. :( 

[glitterrhowell]

I’m not a baby

Pairing: Daniel Howell & AmazingPhil (Phan)

Genre: Phan, Fluff, Crying, dd/lb, Little!Dan, Daddy!Phil, Caregiver Phil, Interactive introverts, sweet, no smut

Word Count: 1826

Summary:  What happened when Dan slips into little space during a meet and greet will it mess everything up Or will Phil be able to save him before anything happens. Little!Dan and Daddy!Phil

Read on Ao3

Read on Wattpad 

A huge thank you to the amazing Kaylee (Localdreamer03) who betaed this story for me!

.................

So far the tour had been amazing Dan and Phil were having the time of their lives, meeting all the different fans and getting to interact with them on stage, life couldn’t be better. But with the tour life you also get plenty of nights you don’t get enough sleep, the stress of making sure you make it to the next venue on time and just the general stress of being an introvert that has left the house. They weren’t complaining by any means they loved it but that meant that they didn’t get a lot of downtime to themselves either. This was something both of them had thought long and hard about before they decided to go on tour, Phil remembered during TATINOF Dan had been beyond stressed and there had been some very difficult days, but after talking it over they decided that this time Dan was in a better place than before and they made sure to work more free days into their schedule.

Dan was usually pretty good at being able to tell when he was slipping into little space and after ten years Phil was almost better at noticing the signs then Dan was. That is why when Phil woke up to Dan’s big doe eyes staring at him and Dan cuddling him extremely hard Phil could tell Dan was teetering on the edge of little space. Dan always got extra clingy when in little space and he had a certain innocence to his eyes. So when Phil had suggested that they cancel today’s meet and greet and let the fan’s know Dan wasn’t feeling good Dan had gotten angry.

“Phil we can’t do that our fans paid a lot of money to see us I don’t want to disappoint them.” He said stubbornly.

Phil knew this would be his answer but he had hoped Dan would see it his way anyway, “Bear are you sure? You know they would understand. Plus you haven’t slipped in awhile so you might not be able to push it away.”

When Dan was younger he used to push his littleness down so far that he would wail and sob into Phil’s shoulder when he finally slipped. It had taken years and lots of reassurances from Phil that he loved taking care of Dan in little space before he had finally started to let himself slip when he needed to. As Dan had matured and gotten more confident he didn’t slip as much as he used to but when he did he didn’t fight it and gladly let Phil take care of him.

“I’m an adult Phil I don’t need to be treated like a child.” Dan snapped at him. Phil sighed he know this was a battle he wasn’t going to win he would just have to keep an eye on Dan and hope he didn’t slip in front of the fans.

There was still some tension between them as they made their way to the venue, they went in through the back door of the theater saying hi to varies crew members they passed. The tension stayed as Phil mindlessly scrolled through tumblr on his Phone paying more attention to Dan who was passing their dressing room back and forth. Phil didn’t say anything knowing it would just cause Dan to become more stressed and nervous than he already was. There was a knock on their door and their manager stuck her head in letting them know the fans had arrived and that it was time for the meet and greet to start. They quickly made their way out Phil wanting to get this down with as soon as possible so he could get back to the hotel room and cuddle Dan.

The meet and greet started well they met a handful of fans and everything seemed to be going just fine Dan was smiling and seemed like he was enjoying himself. Phil let is guard down just a little, and maybe just maybe today would go on without any mishaps.

It was about halfway through the meet and greet and they were listening to a fan whose name was Amanda tell them about her story, she had found Dan and Phil when she was 13 and they saved her from Suicide. Phil loved hearing fan stories they made him Sad but happy at the same time, knowing him and Dan had made such a difference in someone life. He happens to glance over at Dan who had been progressively getting quieter the last 20 minutes or so when he saw it. Dan had a look of confusion on his face and tears springing to his eyes, he started walking towards Phil and latched on to his arm, “Daddy I want to go.” He whined.

Fuck! He thought so, as subtly as he could He whispered in Dan’s ear hoping the fan didn’t hear, “It’s Ok baby just give daddy a minute.”

Phil quickly took a picture of them all and handed Amanda her phone back. Before the next fan could come up to them Phil quickly pulled their manager aside trying to explain to her as quickly as he could that Dan wasn’t feeling well and they needed to go back to the hotel. She wasn’t very pleased but Phil didn’t care, all he cared about was his baby and making sure he was safe and happy. He took Dan by the elbow and steered him away from the crowd and back to the dressing room, letting the manager take care of telling the fans that the meet and greet was going to have to be canceled. As soon as walked into the dressing room Dan started full on sobbing into Phil’s shoulder. Phil rubbed circles into his back comforting him, “Shh it’s ok baby.” He said as he hugged Dan tighter.

“Dad-ddy do yo-u haate me?” Dan sobbed into Phil’s shoulder. Confused Phil pulled away looking at Dan, “Why would daddy be mad at you sweetheart?” “Because I saaaid I co-could be big, wheen I coullld'nt.” He said hiccuping and sobbing at the same time.

“Love of course daddy isn’t mad at you, it isn’t your fault. Now Comere.” Phil said has he pulled Dan into another embrace kissing the top of his head. Phil let Dan cry into his shoulder until he finally stopped and was just whimpering a little.

“How about we go back to the hotel and we can cuddle, ok love.” Phil asked. Dan shook his head and took a hold of Phil’s hand, chuckling Phil took his hand and gave it a quick kiss.

The Car ride back to the hotel was quiet with Dan glued to Phil’s side and Phil Whispering sweet nothings into his ear. They arrived at the hotel and went in through the back door and made their way up to their room. Phil was glad they hadn’t held the meet and greet in the hotel as the chances of them being spotted by a fan where slim. Phil slid the keycard into the door and ushered Dan inside, once they were inside Phil let his shoulders drop. What he had feared had happened but he wasn’t mad at Dan he was upset with himself for letting Dan go along and do the meet and greet anyway.

“You wanna take a bath little one?” Phil said looking softy at Dan. Dan’s eyes got big and he nodded his head, “Can I use the bath bomb I got the other day?” He asked excitedly.

“Of course love,” Phil said smiling at him. “Go to the bathroom and wait for Daddy I will be there in a minute OK.” “Yay!” Dan squealed as he ran to the bathroom.

Phil chuckled as he pulled his phone out of his pocket he quickly composed a tweet from both him and Dan apologizing for leaving the meet and great early and simply telling them that Dan wasn’t feeling well. The response was almost instant wishing Dan a speedy recovery and the hashtag #GetwellDan was soon trending. Throwing his phone on the bed he went to join Dan in the bathroom. He walked into the adjoining bathroom and saw Dan sitting on the floor by the tub, his eyes lighting up as soon as he saw Phil. Phil started the bath and helped Dan out of his clothes.

“Daddy, Can I put the bath bomb in?” Dan asked excitedly “Of course love, here you go.” Phil handed the boy a rainbow sparkly glitter bath bomb.

Dan squealed as he dropped it into the water watching as all the colors started expanding and go off in the tub.

“Daddy look!” He exclaimed as he pointed to the bath. Phil smiled and gave Dan a quick kiss on the top of his head before he helped him into the bath. “Daddy I want my toys!” Dan exclaimed. “Sorry love remember we had to leave them at home.” Dan started to tear up again when Phil quickly sprang up remembering when they were out yesterday he had picked up a rubber duck to play with just in case they needed it. Smiling he handed it to Dan, “Here baby daddy picked this up for you.” “Thank you, daddy.” He exclaimed as he started splashing and playing in the water.

Soon enough Phil washed Dan up and he was helping him out of the bath wrapping him in a big fluffy hotel towel. “Wait here, baby.” Phil opened his suitcase and dug to the bottom as he pulled out one of Dan’s onesies he had brought with him. He rushed back to the bathroom dried Dan off, pulled on a pair of Dan’s boxers and pulled the onesie on over it. Dan Yawned and Phil could tell he was exhausted, it had been a long and tough day. “How about we take a nap love?” Phil asked as he led Dan over to the bed. “Ok, daddy,” Dan whispered as he crawled into the bed. Phil knew when Dan didn’t argue that today must have taken a mental toll on him. Phil Figured Dan must have been pushing his little space off for awhile now with the way he was acting.

“Daddy will be right back sweetheart.” Phil ran back to the bathroom pulled his contact lenses out and put his glasses on. He walked back over to the bed pulled the blankets back and got in snuggling close to Dan. Dan must have been tired because he was already asleep when Phil pulled him against his chest. Sighing Phil gave Dan a kiss on the head and he settled in. Today hadn’t gone to plan and they would have to figure out what they were going to do about the people who paid for the meet and greet and didn’t get to see them. But that was something they would worry about later because all Phil wanted to do was cuddle is baby and take a nice nap.