#I was working on auto pilot by hour 6

[oldbooksandnewmusic]

I think one person asked for more cursed miraculous au so this one goes out to you boo!

[poopersdoopers]

Apple Pie

Summary: Sanji x Fem! Reader Angst and fluff. TW: jealousy, reader gets literally sick of all the flirting. 100% safe for work.

Im not editing this, good luck y'all. Love you tho!

Sanji had betrayed you for the last time.

You usually weren’t a possessive lover. You trusted the cook to remain loyal to you, but you couldn’t stand those fleeting eyes. 

Every day he would profess his undying love for you.

But every day he would lean into the curve of another woman’s neck to breathe in the scent.

And here you were, eyes fixed on a man who would leap into another’s embrace if given the okay by you.

Perhaps it was Nami or maybe Zoro’s knowing stares at you, that set you over the edge. The way the orange-hair woman shrugged off the cook’s advances, knowing your steeled eyes were always watching. Her eyes darting between the two of you.

Or the way, Zoro would sneer at Sanji’s flirtatious behavior every time the pervert sing-song praises at a woman a third of your size. Even their daily bickering becoming a bit too much for you.

Your Captain had been invited to dinner by a shop-keeper as a thank you for defeating a local gang. Free food was always a deal Luffy could not deny, just as much as Sanji could not deny the company of a beautiful woman or her 8 lovely, unmarried sisters. Great.

The black legged man served out a 6-course meal in the span of an hour and a half. Each sister sang praises, in return were given a sip from the finest flirt of the seas. They blushed at your boyfriend’s praise. Touching.

You could feel Nami and Zoro’s concern loom over the heat of your face. The navigator literally placed her hand atop your thigh and remarked, “I’m sorry, y/n.”

But who were you to deny your flouncy boyfriend’s nature?Whose eyes literally turned into hearts when he looked at you. Whose passion could be felt in each firefly step he took.

That’s when he sets your favorite dessert at the table with a kiss atop of your forehead.

 “For my favorite lady, a tiramisu”. 

One of the 8 beauties gasped in shock.You could hear someone mumble, “I never pictured you with someone like that.” Another sister giggled. You could feel the whole table staring, besides your Captain burying his whole face into a pile of meat. Whispers circulating across the room. Your heart beat increased. Seething anger and anxiety took over. 

Maybe you should stay quiet, let the bad feelings eat away at your soul, and let the blonde have his way with you, before settling into the form of another lover. Maybe then you would learn to let go and move on.

To your surprise, your boyfriend still hovered over you. His eyes burned two holes into your face. The dining room, once filled with laughter and warmth, was stifled with your darkness. 

Great, you always had to ruin things with your stormy moods.

Sanji grasped your shoulder tightly.

“What’s wrong my love -”, you stood up. Now your Captain was alert to your craziness.

“Stop. It’s nothing, go back to your girlfriends. Don’t follow me”, you rushed in search of the bathroom, still feeling the burn of eyes on your back.

In auto-pilot, your hands searched for a light-switch. You stumbled along to the sink, seeing your haggard reflection in the mirror –you had been crying without knowing it. Around your eyes were angry and red. Another embarrassment to yourself and others. 

Sanji had successfully gotten under your skin. I guess that’s what love is, no? 

You felt sick at the fucked up realization and rushed towards the toilet. Gagging up all the bullshit excuses you fed yourself throughout the night and the food you’d barely touched.

The sound of blood rushed through your ears, your body floating outside your body. 

You couldn’t keep doing this anymore. More lecherous women wanting a man who belonged to the world, not you.

The cold of the floor soothed your heated body, as you curled up into yourself. A knock at the door alerted you, that someone heard -they had heard your private sobs and misery. You couldn’t afford to unravel even more in front of someone, not when you had displayed a less than stellar performance as a lover, crewmate, and friend all night. 

Another knock,“Baby, let me in.”

You couldn’t. You couldn’t do more to destroy the first relationship you barely had. Your mind raced, your body heaved.

“I’m coming in”, you braced yourself for impact. They would have to repair the door later, nothing would stop your boyfriend’s fiery kicks when it came to his crew.

You heard his footsteps, saw the shine of his black loafers, and still denied his presence. 

His hands rubbed circles on your back. 

“Oh, Angel, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have forced that dessert on you if I knew you were feeling sick”, you gagged again.

The blonde helped prop you over the toilet. You shed embarrassed tears. 

“I’m so sorry, Sanji”, you tried to muster out between gags. He kissed behind your neck to the juncture of your back, “It’s nothing to be sorry for, we’ve already seen each other at our best and worst. Besides I cannot deny a lady in need”.

You wanted to punch him, “There’s a difference between helping a lady in need and flirting with every woman you see!”

The cook looked at you incredulously, through his bangs. “Is this what this is all about? Are you jealous?”

You gagged at his smug tone, quite sick of him already. -_- Nothing came up, it looked like you were done.

“I’m going to go grab you some water and then we can talk”. You wanted to run from this whole conversation, but your legs were too wobbly. Fuck. Instead you’d stay and wallow in your thoughts, the scent of bile clogging up your senses.

A few seconds later, your annoying boyfriend showed up, with a cup of water. 

“Looks like the whole house has moved to someplace else.”

Oh. Did you cause that as well? “I’m sorry,” your eyes shifted to inspect the number of tiles between you and the bath.

“What are you apologizing for?”, your eyes refused to meet your lover’s blue eyes in fear you’d give yourself away again.

 “Can you stand up?”, you shook your head and heard him sigh in response. Before crouching down beside your shorter frame. His hand wrapped around one of your ankle’s soothing your nerves. The two of you sat there in silence for a while.

Sanji was the first to speak, “Look at me”.  You refused still transfixed on the titles.

You felt him remove his hand from your ankle to grab at your chin. Now you got a better look at the prince in front of you. Dressed in his typical black suit, wrapped around his thin yet muscular body like a glove. His eyes shone with adoration. How could this man hurt you so much?

You wanted to look away but instead you fell into the light of his blue eyes, cast between the shadow of his bangs. 

“That’s my girl”, his lips curled into a smile. You were fucked.

“One of your girls,” you remarked bitterly. “I see the way you look at other women, how you treat them to your kindness for free, and in return they follow you like predators waiting to bite. I’m supposed to sit here and watch?” Your voice broke. 

“What am I supposed to do when the whole world wants you? What am I supposed to do when you invite others into your light? I know it’s selfish but I want you for me and me only.”

“Oh, y/n, you know you’re the only girl for me’, you smacked his hand away. Sanji’s eyes went back to burning circles into your skin. His hand twitched in mid air.  

You began again, angrier this time,“That’s simply not true! I see the way you look at other women’s bodies, the way you whisper secrets into their ears. There’s flirting to flirt — then there’s something else entirely.”

You curled your limp legs up into yourself, feeling the cold of the bathroom tile against your bottom.You were very afraid of the next words to come out of your mouth. But it had to be done, you needed to feel free of this weight again.

“If you want to be set free to be with the beautiful women of this world, I can do it easily. Don’t hold yourself back for me.”

“Easily?”, he murmured.

“You know exactly what I mean, Sanji”, you glared back at him. 

“No, I’m afraid I don’t.”

You sighed, “I don’t want to tie you down, just so I can be happy.”

 A silence filled the air of the bathroom. Your legs tingle, slowly coming back to life, under the gaze you knew all too well. 

Worrying your lip against your teeth, you thought of a future without the man you love. Watching him fall in and out of bars, wrapping his arms around prettier women. Sanji would keep strange girls close to his side, standing close to the street to shield them from the nightlife and traffic. You would watch him curl into and out of hands softer and more secure than your own. And wound yourself each time until all that remained was a fraction of the people the two of you used to be. 

Then finally, he would find the true love of his life. Whom he would kiss across the all blue and never have his eyes linger onto another pair of thighs, slimmer than your own. Or a pair of eyes brighter than your own, ones that have never known hardship or seen the darkest depths of this world.

You were shaking, crying again. You’d yell if you could but your tongue felt too big for your mouth. And there was Sanji, eyes hiding behind the curtain of his bangs.

You felt an arm circle around your shoulders, and pull you into the expanse of the cook’s chest.

“I’m never letting you go”, his other arm wrapped against you, thumb smoothing circles into your shoulder. “I-”, you began.

“I’m never letting you go”, he repeated firmly. He began to pull you into his lap. Now you were even more fucked, you couldn’t escape his embrace easily nor look away from the handsome man. You tried to muster up some wits about you, to win against the warmth that exploded in your chest, but the man was too powerful.

“I’m never letting you go. You are the only one for me”, his lips left kisses across your forehead, unfurrowing your tightly knit brow.

The blonde, cupped your face into his hands. He fervently kissed your closed eyes, before drawing back. 

“I’m sorry for behaving like an idiot. Let me make it up to you for the rest of your life, as long as you will let me?”

You nodded, crying harder now. 

“I hope those are happy tears, my love.” He lifted you up and before you could protest about being too heavy, the man carried you bridal style out of the bathroom and back to the ship. You could feel the reassurance of his heartbeat humming in your ears. And you knew it. You were loved.

When you returned to the ship, luckily enough, everyone was asleep –aside from Robin no doubt reading anthologies about ancient texts again.

The two of you got ready for bed, like you did every night. A quick shower, brushing of teeth, pajamas and a big sleep shirt thrown on, but this time Sanji couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. You felt like the prey locked in the sight of a panther, but instead of running away you stayed gladly trapped in the haze of fate. 

He took your hand in his and led you back down towards the kitchen. You sat down and waited for him to make some tea.

To your surprise it was another one of your favorite desserts, apple pie paired with soothing green tea for your stomach.

Your lips tugged into a smile, as soon as the first bite hit your mouth. Brown sugar, soft tart apples, and lots of cinnamon to sweeten up your soul. You went in for the second spoonful, but Sanji had other plans, placing you back into his lap. You blushed. 

“Pervert”, you muttered. He took the spoon out of your hands.

“So are you”, he remarked. You pouted.

“Just because you’re right…doesn’t mean you have to say it.”

He laughed hartley. You laughed with him, snuggling into his chest.

You sat there and let the blonde man feed you small pieces of pie, between small kisses and intimate jokes. Finally finished, you wrapped his hands around his slim chest and looked up at the cook cheekily. His thighs steeled, you could feel his muscles underneath the thin pajama bottoms. 

His legs were strong and capable just like the man you’d come to love after all these years. 

You kissed him on his nose, then his cheeks, before finally kissing him on his mouth. He licked his lips, “Now I want a slice of that damn pie.”

ps Idk if I wanna be that damn mouse or that girl or AAAAAAA

[rcmclachlan]

2024 Tumblr Top 10

Tagged by the wonderful @liminalmemories21

How it works: Share your top 10 tumblr posts from last year! Visit this site, scroll down to "Find your Tumblr Top 10," type in your username, and select 2024. When you get the results, simply click "Share to Tumblr" and you'll get an auto-generated draft for a post with links and previews. Make any adjustments you see fit.

Surprising no one, all my top posts in 2024 were about BuckTommy. Here’s the breakdown:

1. Tommy’s just as insane as Buck (1,184 notes - Aug 15 2024)

This is probably my favorite post of the year, so I’m glad it’s sitting pretty at number one. Even after what we’ve learned about Tommy since I posted it, I still stand by it. There is no way Mr. Sure I’ll Fly Into A Hurricane On A Hunch is normal about anything.

2. Amnion (mpreg, 8x06 fix-it) (777 notes - Nov 9 2024)

This predated the mpreg tsunami that hit the fandom by about a week, but if you’ve been following me since April, you’ll know that dadvans and I had been surfing that wave all along. 

3. Season 4 alternate meeting (726 notes - Aug 10 2024)

I’ve got a list as long as my arm of ways Buck and Tommy could’ve met earlier, but the idea of “what if their paths crossed the day Buck learns about Daniel” grabbed onto my ankle like a mutant west highland white terrier and wouldn’t let go. 

It eventually became the fic Histocompatibility on AO3.

4. 8x05 spec fic ("Kiss me, Thomas!”) (704 notes - Oct 23 2024)

I wrote this after the first pictures of Buck’s face dropped a couple of days before the episode aired. At the time, we could only see one boil (I think the most popular theory was that a spider had laid eggs in his face, a la Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark), so I decided to have a little fun. 

Apologies to the people who were scarred for life after learning what a giant weta is. 

5. The 118-217 Shadow Summit headcanon (665 notes - Dec 29 2024)

A very late addition to the list! There I was with all these headcanons, still mourning the breakup and wishing the show had given us some cross-station shenanigans, when I realized I could solve all my problems with fic. Why would I try to get Buck and Tommy back together when the yahoos at the 118 and 217 could do it for me?

Then I took it a step further with this missing scene, which I had an absolute blast writing. These people are bonkers (to me).

6. “So? Tell me about the hot pilot.” (652 notes - Sep 13 2024)

I can never get enough of the Buckley siblings, and since the show finally gave us something substantial with 7x05, I decided to delve a little deeper into Buck and Maddie’s conversation about Buck’s bisexuality and the man responsible for opening his eyes to it. 

It eventually became the fic Table of Contents on AO3.

7. New Year’s Eve fix-it ficlet (651 notes - Jan 1 2025)

Okay, technically it shouldn’t be on the list because I posted it in the new year, but I wrote it a couple of hours before midnight while watching Wicked with friends, so I’m including it. It was a half-baked idea that became a half-baked fic, but it seemed like people enjoyed it, so I’m taking that energy into the new year!

8. More 8x05 spec fic (missing scene) (589 notes - Oct 24 2024)

Another fic that was born out of the episode previews, which allowed me to bring my 217 OCs out to play. All I kept thinking was, ‘What was going through these people’s heads when they heard dispatch say a body had been found at the 118? Probably something along the lines of: must be Tuesday.’ 

9. Pregnancy kink ficlet/headcanon (526 notes - Aug 29 2024)

No explanation necessary. 

10. Relative Value (499 notes - Jun 26 2024)

“Give me Uncle Tommy or give me death” has been my mantra since Tommy and Buck made out in front of God, country, and the entire First Presbyterian ER lobby. Also, it’s a headcanon of mine that all the 118 kids are obsessed with him, much to Tommy’s confusion and amusement. 

It eventually became Relative Value on AO3.

Well, this was a fun little retrospective! I can’t believe this dumb show pushed me out of writer’s block limbo as hard as it did, but I’m very grateful. 

Tagging: @dadvans, @screamlet, @epiphainie, @leashybebes, and @beanarie​​

[strayflowersstarsandlove]

𝙴𝚢𝚎𝚜 𝚆𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚞𝚝 - a Han Jisung short au!fanfic

PART 5

💫PART 6💫

Driving to Felix's place to drop him off feels a little nerve wracking. You try your best to keep a neutral look on your face and nod along whatever he's saying, low fi music playing in the background helping you fill in the gaps in between your chats so it doesn't get too silent and awkward.

Felix being Felix tries to hold your hand at a red light a few times while it's idle, and you adore his delicate touch, usually, but after last night's events you feel so deeply bad for him every little touch of the skin urges a lump to rise up in your throat. Guilt. Slowly but surely obstructing your airways.

Once you park in his driveway you sigh quietly, slight relief, very slight relief. The blue haired boy hesitates before opening the car door on his side, he turns to you with sad, puppy eyes: "darling is everything okay? You've been so quiet yet so jumpy". Now what are you supposed to say to that? Of course he would ask, of fucking course.

Your swallow the strain in your voice and smile weakly at him, even daring to grab his hand and patting it gently as to reassure him, "I haven't slept much, I'm a little bit restless, that's all, don't you worry your pretty little fairy head", you joke and he smiles, it doesn't fully reach his eyes but it's a start. He reaches forward over the console to give you a hug and the minute his arms are around you you know you're going to burst into tears.

Resting your chin on his shoulder, you squeeze your eyes shut, everything in you screaming to hold back those pesky little droplets at the corners of your eyelids. "Rest up okay? Please text me once you get home so I know you're safe", he says quietly, rubbing your back soothingly, and you nod vigorously for you're afraid he's going to hear the emotion on your voice if you dare speak more than a few words.

Your home feels hollow and cold, daunting even. Much like your body. Funny how things work out, in the span of 24 hours you went from being surrounded by other warm bodies, kissing your friends left and right, feeling Han's skin so close to yours the memory of your muscles still buzzes at the thought, to now being completely alone. Alone with your thoughts, most of all.

You slump down on your couch and close your eyes. The fresh images of last night still cursing through your mind. It all happened so fast you still find it difficult just to grasp what happened. Han. Han happened. If kissing your friends kindled a light, warm fickle in your chest, kissing Han felt like being on fire. He ignited you from the inside out, took back his rightful place in your heart and your head like he never left to begin with.

Cause he didn't, in fact, he never left.

Moving in auto pilot, your fingers unlock your phone and start typing:

Today :[3.55 pm] From: y/n to: Han

i didn't see you this morning before I left with Felix. Are we going to talk about what happened last night

[4.12 pm] From: Han to: y/n

feel like utter shit today, don't have the energy to. Raincheck?

[4.13 pm] From: y/n to: Han

tomorrow then

[5.08 pm] From: Han to: y/n

yeah

September. Monday, 9 :[1.03 pm] From: y/n to: Han

hey, are you up already?

[3.16 pm] From: y/n to: Han

guess not

September. Tuesday, 10 :[5.19 pm] From: y/n to: Han

i tried to call you this morning.. are you okay?

[11.21 pm] From: y/n to: Han

i hate doing this as much as the next person, i promise, but ignoring me won't solve a thing

[11.23 pm] From: y/n to: Han

i can't talk to you and i can't talk to Felix and it's driving me insane

September. Friday, 13 :[12.43 pm] From: y/n to: Han

this is so unfair, Han. I don't know what i did to deserve this you can be mad at me but at least fucking let me know if you're okay

The familar ringtone resounding loudly in your otherwise silent bedroom startles you awake. Is it still night? Is it morning yet? Is it noon already? A phone call, you think in your still hazy state. A phone call. Han. HAN.

You scramble to reach your phone as it rings and vibrates on your nightstand, the back of your hand hitting against the drawer making you splutter a cuss word when you can't properly reach your phone. "Hello?", "good morning sunshine!". 

Your heart sinks deep within your chest. You exhale. The only other person you haven't heard from in a while is Felix. Currently on the other end of the line, the joyful brightness in his voice so apparent even through the speakers. You had tried to keep your conversations with him to the bare minimum ever since the infamous night, it's been a week already filled with despair, emptiness, confusion.

You long for your friendly dates with him, your casual hangouts or just the long after work calls where you talked about anything and everything. Hearing the deep husk in his voice after so long makes you feel so warm yet so miserable at the same time. You could tell he was eager to talk to you, to see you, to have just a little bit of you for the shortest amount of time.

It's like you had woken up all of the sudden and started noticing all the little things that gave him away, all the little details that clearly highlighted how much he cared for you and you couldn't just unsee them. You were now hyper aware of his feelings and terrified of hurting them. Talking to him now felt like walking on eggshells, which is the worst considering how easy and flowing your conversations usually were before Han had you pry your eyes wide open.

"H-hello, good morning", you mumble tiredly, rubbing your eyes with your knuckles, "did I wake you up?", he asks giggling, your heart breaking with every little high pitched sound he makes, "it's okay my alarm was just about to go off, anyway", "haven't seen you in a bit, I'm sorry I have been so busy with work! how about we go for a walk and your favourite frozen yogurt place to make up for that later today?".

Of course he would feel bad, sorry even, of course he would apologize first for being busy when you have been the actual distant one this whole time. You have to swallow down the lump in your throat and muster up everything in you not to burst into tears right then and there, you're dying to see him and talk to him and give him the biggest hug but you find yourself at such a crossroad with your situation with Han and your feelings for him you have no idea how to go about it.

You have no idea if Han even meant half the things he said, considering how he was now blatantly ignoring you.

"Oh.. I'm so sorry Lix, I have... a few errands to run that piled up over the course of the week, I-I've been picking up extras shifts at work and-and yeah. I can't make it. I'm sorry". LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE. The distant mocking chant replaying in the back of your head rings too loud right now. He doesn't deserve this. Not in the slightest. You hate lying to him and you hate knowing you might be hurting him double the amount with you avoiding him with the lamest excuse.

"That's okay". Felix sounds slightly disappointed, rightfully so, and the brief puse in your conversation makes you want to bite off your fingers, swallow your own fist out of both anger and misery, mostly at yourself, in part at Han as well. "Hey are you sure you're alright? We haven't talked much these days and... I don't know... I guess you are really busy", he says softly, you can hear him fidgeting with something in his hands, switching his phone from one side to the other, as though he's putting you on speaker, waiting for you to talk his ear off.

How much you wish you could tell him. How badly you wish you could confíde in him, recount the events of that strange, god forsaken night and tell him you've never felt this strongly about someone yet so confusedly at the same time. How you feel like you're going insane cause you haven't been able to stop thinking about it all, how all of your memories with his best friend are constantly replaying in your head at night, before going to bed, and they all swirl together in one big blob that eventually bursts into fire, the flames licking up at your body, your fingers tracing the invisible tracks Han left on them.

"I'm alright". Lying through gritted teeth. "I'm - I'm going to sort this out". Fakely reassuring yourself. "We'll catch up soon, I promise". Making promises that you can't keep. LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE.

🥀PART 7

[stardustspell]

Would love to hear more about your original writing work!

-justatinycollector

Omg!! Hi @justatinycollector !! It's so lovely hearing from you! WOW REALLY?! AHHH! Thank you so much!! Let me just--

An Excerpt from When They Fall - Current WC: 157k Genre: Science Fiction/ Fantasy, Action, Cosmic horror

"From the Memory of Ilya Ko’vach Siran, Crown Prince of the Solarian Empire

Sol Date: September 16, 2233

Since it was a quiet night on the edge of neutral space for once,  Ilya completed his patrol of the Xenith quadrant on auto-pilot. With his boots kicked up on the console, he leaned back in his chair as he watched the viewport as keenly as he cared to. 

Which was, admittedly, not very much.

The Earth’s single satellite was thousands upon thousands of miles away, but he could see it as clear as day through the view screen. As far as moons were concerned, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. It was a lifeless, inhospitable cold rock with two terraformed military bases on the light and dark side. At one point when they’d first arrived, they’d nearly taken it—if only they had, Vera S’al Inarik, his sister, would still be alive.

But he closed his eyes and let out a deep breath and adjusted the trajectory of his mobile suit to sling-shot him as close to the edge of neutral space as he dared. In the meantime, he maximized the view of Luna as he drew further and further away from her. All silvery pale white, like a pearl held in stasis between invisible fingers.

Unlike Earth, Solaris had five satellites. Of them only three, Candria, Orüm, and Gôthé were colonies. Māré Leith, the Green Daughter, was the home of Varine d’ol Mokhoth, the Watchtower of the Goddesses inhabited only by priestesses, and the fifth was Varādos.

Stepping foot on this moon was expressly forbidden—and for very good reason. It was a chunk of tidally locked iron with a noxious atmosphere, brimming with monstrous beasts. On the homeworld, it was called the Eye of the Void.

“We should just go back,” Soren K’el Dobrevnik  grumbled, his voice slightly static-y in his ears. They had been friends since childhood—he was the son of Duke Verrick gôl Darenwyn of Corellon, a planet in the Protareon system—about three hundred light years from Solaris. “The Terrans have crawled back to their little hideyholes and we’ve been at this for hours.” 

“Do you want to explain to Vice Admiral Forza why we didn’t complete our perimeter?” 

There was a beat of silence before, “no.” 

“Then I suggest you take it easy.” 

“Whatever, my liege.”

An Excerpt from Rage in the Deep - Current WC: 6K Genre: Contemporary Speculative Fiction/Paranormal Romance

“So, you’re sure you want to do this?” Cas asked, shooting Emma a raised brow from across the table. With her long sheaf of black hair, willowy graceful figure, and delicately sloping monolid eyes, Cas looked practically elven. 

We’d gotten a booth at one of those popular LA haunts where you could occasionally spot celebrities if you looked hard enough. I’d seen Mandy Moore here once two years ago with some guy who was allegedly her agent.

“Like, Maine is in the middle of nowhere. What are you even going to do there? Fish? Attend Stephen King conventions?” 

“I’m positive,” I sipped at my pomegranate marg. The warm spring breeze suffused the covered outdoor patio space with the fragrant scent of jasmine, asphalt, and smog. “But it'll probably be less fishing and more YouTubing how to repair damaged electrical circuitry.” 

Cas wrinkled her nose as if she'd rather have a smelly sock taped to her face in perpetuity than do anything like that herself.

“Living in a lighthouse for a year’ll be cool,” Emma said, rolling around liquid amber whiskey in her glass. Emma Salter was A Working Actress (trademark) and had been on six episodes of Game of Thrones season 6 as a noble woman in King's Landing and Margot Robbie’s body double on the last two projects she’d filmed in town. “Are you gonna have Wi-Fi?” 

“Yep,” I popped the p. “We can still chat over Discord, so it won’t be like I disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle or anything like that.”

“Sweet,” She nodded. 

“And, you are coming back to LA after, right?” Cas asked, eyes round. We’d only known each other for a couple of months, but she’d been one of the few folks I’d met here who hadn’t turned out to be a massive flake. 

“Maybe,” I told her quietly. “I guess I’ll have to see.” 

“See…what?” 

I looked up at her and smiled. “If I run out of road.” 

An Excerpt from Throwing Down the Gauntlet - Current WC: 7.5k Genre: Contemporary Adult Romance / Comedy

LARP (noun): An acronym which stands for Live Action Role Play, and is a type of interactive role-playing game in which the participants portray characters through physical action, often in costume and with props.

Followers: 126.2k

I was on break at my second job when I checked my TikTok notifications. To my surprise, they had been going off every ten seconds since 11AM, not thirty minutes after I posted the short we'd filmed at Molly’s. Heart hammering in my ears, I scrolled all the way to the beginning of the notifications to understand what had kicked it all off, only to find that Highland Leathercrafts had been mentioned… by Henry Martineaux.  My stomach bottomed out.  You have got to be joking. 

I clicked on his comment. 

Working Leather Shop and Armory [2 hours ago]

Wow—great tooling. Reminds me of @ TheOldeCeltic's work! 

The Olde Celtic [2 hours ago]

@ WorkingLeatherShopandArmory It is my work! I made this design in collaboration with @ highlandleathercrafts. Good eye!

Their conversation continued until I didn’t care to follow it anymore. I clicked out of the thread and scrolled past all of their conversation notifications until I reached the landslide of comments and shares. It began with Henry himself sharing Highland’s TikTok on his page. 

On the video he'd posted, he'd added the text…That’s a great sporran if I’ve ever seen one. 

My expression had settled into a scowl as I clicked out and sat back in the foldout chair, pulling the elastic out of my hair and shaking out the ponytail with my fingers. Gaze sticking on the moldering mustard stain on the break room ceiling, I clenched and un-clenched my jaw.

Any attention is good attention—even if it comes from a guy who constantly spoils your product launches. I repeated this like a mantra until the words became meaningless and had done absolutely nothing to soothe my terrible mood.

[rosewolfs-world]

Colourful (Pt 6)

Young Toshinori x Fem OC

Warnings: alcohol, drugs, SA, traumatic shock, and discussions thereof

Part 5: The Great Awakening

Year 5

☀️ Three months, Toshinori remembered. Three months since he’d been checked out of the hospital. Three months since Hinata had guided him home and lost him with the words “I found someone.” Three months since Toshinori first met the oft-mentioned ‘Jason’. He seemed like a decent guy; calm, cool, collected--if a little pessimistic. It makes sense... Toshinori supposed Hinata would be attracted to someone who was as straightforward as she is. But, sensical or not, missed opportunities never hurt any less. The young hero sighed. I’m too sober to be thinking about this. 

💡 “So, do you drink coffee or tea?” 

“Neither.” 

“Really? Okay, uhm, what’s your favourite kind of soup?” 

“Tomato.” 

“Ah, so no ramen or chicken noodle?” 

“Nah, not my thing.”

 Old conversations replayed over and over in Hinata’s mind as she scanned her pantry. Jason doesn’t drink tea, so chamomile will have to be off the menu this evening. She mused. Red wine with pasta, maybe? Ugh, but I’m fresh out of tomato juice. Damn.

☀️ Hours pass by. The tide of patrons in the bar slowly begins to rise as the sun keeps sinking beneath the rim of his glass. Toshinori doesn’t bother to glance at his watch anymore. His face feels warm despite the loss of the sun—something prickles down the hero’s spine. The warmth makes him slowly notice the new presence that just joined him at the bar. “Hey there, big guy,” A husky, American accent drawls up beside him with a smirk. “Mind if I join you?” 

💡 Damn. The only groceries I have left are for--Hinata closes her eyes with a sigh. --Ramen it is. Closing the cupboards behind her, her body operates almost on auto-pilot. Rolling up her sleeves, she’s surprised to find herself checking for stains. Hinata shakes her head a little. Snap out of it. Toshinori is the messy cook, not me. Not to mention Jason hardly cooks at all. Ignoring the Rolodex of memories in her mind, Hinata takes all the various vegetables out of the fridge and sets to work. 

☀️ The next drink to pass Toshi’s lips tastes bitter, more so than he’s used to. American drinks aren’t all that great, but they do the trick. Toshinori sets his glass aside for a moment--and is surprised to realise he can’t tell his arm from his sleeve. He can barely distinguish the wood grain beneath his palm. His new drinking buddy *leans* into his space to scan his expression. “Heh, you don’t look so good, big guy--” He drawls, his voice turned to a low, gravelly purr. “You want me to walk you home?”

“Nonono, this quite alright,” Toshinori tried dismissing courteously, fumbling out of his bar stool. “Bitta fresh-air by ma-self should be alright in time.” He just spun towards the door before the American slung an arm over his shoulders.  

“Ah, don’t be like that, big boy,” the young man persuaded the beer on his breath doing nothing to derail Toshi’s growing dizziness. “Come on, lemme help you. Mano-y-mano. I help you, and you help me. How does that sound?” 

💡 All through the afternoon, Hinata could see from her window as clouds poured in from the east. They were rolling in like a stampede of shadows looking to conquer the setting sun. The farther the sun fell, the darker the world became. She could feel the weight in the air, the oncoming storm. The building pressure felt almost akin to a pot of water slowly coming to a boil on the stove. 

☀️ Next thing he knew, Toshinori had his back to a brick wall. The American’s lips tasted of cheap ale and smoke.  Where an arm used to be wrapped around his shoulders, a rough-skinned palm was now tearing his shirt at the seams, yanking the hem from his trousers. No...Toshinori fumbled in the dark, trying to find an anchoring point to push this man away. But his bones had no aim. His muscles had lost their strength. Repeated buzzing tones echo in the alleyway. Two different rhythms vibrate through him. No-- he nearly gagged as a foreign tongue assaulted his throat. 

💡 No matter what she did, Hinata could not take her eyes away from the shadowy window.  The storm still lurked high above her, like a predator waiting to strike. Her body rolled with the motions of cooking as if on auto-pilot. Bit out of season, she thought, shuffling ingredients from the cutting board to her boiling soup. Hinata licked her lips. Maybe it’s somebody’s quirk?  Jason hasn’t called. No one’s paged me from the hospital yet.  The young medic pursed her lips at the thought. Her mind drifted to the discarded boxes underneath her bathroom sink. She shook the image away. All there was left to do was turn away.  If Toshinori needs me, he’ll let me know. If not him, then David will. Hinata pulled her phone from her purse and placed it on the counter beside her. Just in case...

☀️ The man’s grip was surprisingly firm, with a palm clenching the crux of his trousers and an arm tightening around his waist like a boa constrictor. The young hero felt an overwhelming uneasiness roiling through his gut, alien and unnerving. Toshinori clenched his eyes shut. No, don’t...Everything within him was recoiling. He could feel himself falling like a puppet with its strings cut. No, stop--Falling into imprints, memories, and broken thoughts he didn’t know he had. No more! Getaway! Anything to flee as far as he could from the sensations--of violation. No. No--no more--get away--stop, get--NO! 

💡 The storm broke. And the rest of hell came with it. All sunlight had been entirely swallowed by the sea. The sky was swamped with thick, black coils of clouds that engulfed the stars. Hinata gazed up at the concerning sight with a slight tremor in her breath. Where is he? She glanced at her phone on the counter. The plastic stick in her pocket suddenly burned like a hot iron brand. Jason’s not answering. Toshinori isn't--why is he not answering? Thunder boomed, and lightning flashed. Hinata’s fingers clenched the edge of the counter. Come on, where are you?

☀️ It was as if a grenade had burst in his chest. Embedding shrapnel in his every nerve till it ached-pounded- crackled, and burned. He could hear the electricity, the blood and breath roaring in his ears. A rushing tidal wave screamed through every fibre of his being as he opened his eyes and shoved the first obstacle in his sight. The block collided against something with a hard CLANG! His blue eyes burned electric. Everything was blurred.  Run. He had to run. Out, off, up, away, somewhere, somewhere safe. Go to her...then he leapt.

💡 Wind whipped at the windows. Untouched Tupperware loitered beside a pot of cooling ramen. Branches rattled and cracked in the streets below. I don’t understand. Hinata grit her teeth. Two little lines flared across her vision, burned on the backs of her eyes.  Jason’s not home, and no one’s answering their phone. What is going on? Petals, leaves, litter and newspapers dashed through the skies like frightened birds tossed about in the gale. Hinata stared into the horizon. Water gushed from the faucet, but the sponge in her hands was almost forgotten. Her insides gnarled and tangled together like brambles. This isn’t California weather. Where is this coming from? 

☀️ So much of the journey was a blur. He remembered leaping into the air. Then the clouds burst. Water came pouring down, icy cold daggers slicing at his exposed skin and soaking his clothes. If he crashed on the landing, he could barely even feel it. No other sights or sounds registered to him except the collapsed body in the alleyway and the roaring of blood in his ears. The only thing that cut through the haze was the sound of Her voice-- 

💡 A loud BANG on her door jolted her nerves with a yelp. What the hell?! All her past worries were forgotten. Hinata dashed towards the sliding glass door, barely daring to part the curtains. The head of a scrambled golden mane was a dead giveaway. She yanked the door open. A ragged and heaving Toshinori stood on her balcony,  his civilian clothes all torn to hell and--are those-are those bruises?! Hinata’s breath hitched. Her curtains thwapped and fluttered in the tangle of the storm. She didn’t know whether it was her panic or her training that caused her to snap:  

☀️💡  “Jesus Christ, Toshinori, did you get in a fight?! Come inside, you big lug. You’ll freeze to death!”

☀️  If it weren’t for her well-worn hand tugging at his, he might not have moved. But she pulled him inside anyway. She closed the door behind her as softly as she could. The wind howled outside the windows in silence. One lithe, wrinkled finger lifted to her lips, motioning for silence. He nodded, still slightly blurred. Her bare feet tapped against the linoleum as she walked to her kitchen. Metal tapped metal as she scooped something from a large red pot on the stove. Hinata’s golden eyes fluttered back to him. “You hungry? Made your favorite.” Toshinori sucked in a breath. Suddenly he could smell it. She must have seen the revelation somewhere in his expression. Her soft smile was like a faint ray of sunshine in the dark. 

💡 Soon enough, Hinata had her old friend seated on her couch, with a bowl of ramen and a cup of tea on the coffee table. Heaps of freshly dried towels now blanketed his body. He’d shied away when she tried to remove his wet clothes for some reason. All she could do was the next best thing. --She had hoped she’d never see him like this again. It wasn’t his hero costume that was torn up. There was no blood on his hands. But that was never what bothered her in the first place. It was this sudden...lifelessness. Conscious but completely unresponsive. He did as he was prompted, barely, but otherwise didn’t speak a word. I don’t know--Hinata knew her hero had his shadows. But those moments were rare, dark and deep.  --How do I reach him? 

☀️ Rain clattered against the windows in the absence of his voice. Toshinori knew that he should speak. He knew that he should say something--something to alleviate the flickering candle of worry flaring in those golden eyes. Something to ease the fearful creases folding the corners of her eyes and lips. But there was a knot in his throat that he couldn’t seem to swallow. If the dam broke, he wasn’t sure what would come out or if he wanted it to. Behind his eyes, all he could see was that pock-marked American’s face gone slack against the dumpster. Underneath his skin, all he could feel was a coarse hand grinding his sleeves against him. The hero suppressed a shudder. Shameful. The word reverberated between his ears like an echo chamber. Shameful.

💡 Chopsticks rolled idly between his fingers. Hinata couldn’t stop glancing at them. Though her hands were busy sipping tea and patching bruises, her fascination with those chopsticks was the only thing distracting her from anxiety. His fingers moved, but his eyes were still so far away. He never used to do that before.  She scanned the various scrapes and tears in his clothes. His shirt was all the worse for wear; threaded lacerations on the back, the hems at his shoulders were torn, and more than half the buttons snapped off--What the hell happened? 

☀️ Her touch was cool. He registered that now; beyond the cocoon of warm towels--this touch was familiar. Even without closing his eyes, he knew exactly what her quirk felt like.  Tendrils of gold would bloom beneath his skin. Tingling warmth like sunlight would curl around every cut and bruise like a soft embrace. Goodness knows she’d healed his hurts more times than he could count--even supplementing his healing when he was in the hospital. Bringing him back to life as if she were reviving a dying flower. The image made his stomach sink. How pitiful. Toshinori sighed. After this...her kindness will only be out of pity.

💡She glanced up at his still-empty expression. His cheeks were slack and lifeless. His mouth reminded her too much of a flatline in the operating room. And his eyes--his eyes were fogged over like the bodies in the morgue. Her chest ached. She reached for him, her ragged palm caressing his chilled skin before she could stop herself. Toshinori flinched. Hinata retracted immediately. “Sorry! I, uhm...Toshinori?”

☀️ Toshinori glanced at her from the corner of his eye. He couldn’t turn to face her. Not completely. It took all his willpower not to curl his head between his knees, encasing himself in his own shadow. Keep it together, he told himself sternly. You’re still a hero. Stay strong. His shoulders stiffened.--Am I? Can I call myself a hero after--? That prone body, those wandering hands--bile coated the back of his throat. Toshinori grimaced. A smile would be of no use to him now. Another failure. Dammit. 

💡 Hinata worried her lip for a moment. It seemed as if Toshinori’s thoughts were running away without her. His expression transformed in a million tiny ways, even as he refused to thoroughly look at her. Moving much slower than before, the young medic dared to tuck a lingering band of scrambled hair behind his ear. His very being stilled. Vibrant blue eyes seemed even sharper now, a hawk on the alert--a creature wary of danger. Dear god, I’m going to regret this... Hinata took a deep breath. But I’m not sure what else to do…Her fingers curved around his ear to cup the side of his face. She couldn't take it anymore if he recoiled from her touch. “Talk to me, Hero-kun...kudasai.”

☀️ Six words--and the damn broke. Toshinori swallowed. The knot in his throat unravelled. Before he knew it, all of his insides were spilling out; thoughts, emotions, sensations he could hardly bear to recall and describe, everything gushed forth. The tide was no longer restrained...it was too strong to hold back now. Before he knew it, he was swept away. Salty tears stung his eyes, rushing down his face like water over rocks. His voice gargled and crashed against his teeth like surf clashing with a cliffside. He could feel himself rocking back and forth like waves on the sand, but he didn’t know how to stop it. All he could do was talk and cry and remembered--pouring out all those blurred memories until the words finally dried up. 

💡All the while, Hinata listened. There was so much pouring out of him at once. It was all she could do to try to absorb the downpour. Drinking at a bar, he says, American strangers, bitter drink, dizziness, nausea--actions and symptoms and reactions stack on top of one another. She can see the list in her mind as if she were holding her hospital clipboard. Drinking. Drugs. Manipulation--from there, his story fumbles, scrambling in a million different directions. To any stranger, such trembling, traumatised ramblings may have been lost in confusion and chaos. But after so many years, Hinata could see exactly what Toshi was seeing behind his drowning eyes.  Her chest burned. Her knuckles curled. Everything within her sank to the floor in abject horror. My god…

☀️ When his voice finally gave out, he still couldn’t look at her. Her palm felt like a cool anchor against his burning, dampened cheek. Her fingers had curled into the wild hairs at his temples. Her scarred thumb brushed back and forth in a rhythm, catching every tear that fell. What I’d give...Toshinori let out a shuddering breath...and what for?  His shoulders sagged. This is all my own doing. Going to that bar was a mistake, drinking away petty jealousy and self-pity--stupid. There was nothing more he could say. There was nothing more he could give. Petty. Reckless. --Stupid. Pathetic.

💡 “Don’t you dare,” Toshinori glanced up, surprised by the sound of her voice. Hinata refused to be cowed by those big, watery eyes. “I know that look of yours,” she said, wiping the sheen of tears from under his eyes. “Something bad happened to you. It is not your fault. Not one bit.” Ever so gently, she dabbed the remaining water trails with the hem of a towel. She met his gaze directly. “It’s gonna take time, healing always does, but that’s okay--” she parted the slinky strands of gold over his forehead. “You can take it easy now, Toshi. I’ve got you.”

☀️ Everything within him unravelled once again. Toshi bit his lip.  For the first time, he could command his arms to move, and they did. He clutched her worn, cold hands in his and kissed them. Clinging to an anchor in a windstorm, he could hear it. They were howling past the windows, whirling within his mind. His head fell forward onto their clasped hands. It took every bit of strength he had to find his words again. “Arigatō...Thank you.”

💡 They stayed clasped together for a long time. The next thing she knew, Hinata was awoken by a leather sole nudging between her shoulders. She groaned to awareness and turned to the source--Jason. Stern brows folded, Jason jerked his head away from the couch, and down towards their bedroom. Hinata nodded. Reluctantly stretching and rising from her makeshift campsite on the living room floor, Hinata followed her limping partner away from the snoozing blonde behemoth on her couch. As soon as the door closed behind them, Jason turned to her.

“What the hell is he doing here?”

“Good morning to you too, Grouchy Pants,” Hinata snarked, rubbing her eyes. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to tell you. But it was an emergency, and you weren’t home yet, and Toshi--”

“Emergency? What kind are we talkin’ about?”

As best she could--while still honouring Toshinori’s privacy--Hinata explained the trauma that had occurred the night before. Jason blinked a few times, his expression pinching further in on itself. He didn’t seem to get--

“Why didn’t he just fight back?”

At those words, Hinata stopped, froze--screeched to a mother-fucking halt. “What did you just say?”

☀️  Toshinori woke to the sound of muffled voices down the hall. Flickering to wakefulness with tired eyes, the young hero turned his head. The haphazard stack of pillows and blankets on the floor was glaringly empty. A little light that had begun to flicker in his chest last night--flickered out. She’s gone. The shadows he’d been able to quell that night returned. Without anything to keep them at bay, the ravenous memories already threatened to swallow him whole. It happened...His nightmare wasn’t just a dream. The sound of voices grew louder, more heated somewhere down the hall. Toshinori’s eyes widened. Jason. Hinata. Shit.

💡 “What did you just say?” The healer herself stood agape, staring at her partner as if he’d grown a pair of horns from his head. Jason, for his part, could think of nothing else to do. Her boyfriend shrugged. 

“Your friend is this big, buff guy. Why the hell didn’t he fight back?”

 “He is,” The words prickled like stinging nettles on the tip of her tongue. “He’s gonna have to fight it all back for the rest of his goddamned life.” 

Jason looked at her as if she were speaking in tongues. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

 Being a nurse-almost-doctor required a lot of things. Calm. Compassion. Self-discipline--all of which evaporated the moment those words left his lips. A fire crackled at the back of her throat. “Get out.”

☀️ Toshinori’s heart rattled like an anxious rabbit in his chest. Shit, Jason’s home. I’m not supposed to be here. Shit, Hinata slept with me, and now she’ll get in trouble. Shit, last night wasn’t a fucking a dream, and I was near--his thoughts scattered to the winds like petals in a rainstorm. He couldn’t even summon the courage to string together a single word, let alone any coherent thoughts. All he knew was that the voices in the other room were getting louder. As much as he didn’t want to intrude--without a distraction, he might just lose his god-damned mind. Jason’s shocked grunt was the first thing he heard:

“What?”

“You heard me. I said--Get. Out.” Hinata...

“Wait, what are you--”

Toshinori heard her familiar strides come slightly closer to the living room. The click of a doorknob, the creaking of hinges--What is she doing?  “I’m saying--Get out of my house, you ignorant, insensitive prick.”

Silence. Jason did not reply. Toshinori’s breath hissed between his teeth. Oh, that’s not good.

💡 There he stood. After all this time, Hinata was just now realising that her chosen boyfriend was dumb as a doornail. It was absurd. He was standing there, dull as a fencepost, staring at her like a startled pigeon. Worst of all, he wasn’t saying anything, not explaining himself, not asking questions, just--staring. Dumbly. In silence. Hinata’s blood boiled.  “Did I fucking stutter? Pack a bag and get out!”

☀️ A hurried shuffle of movement was heard rattling around in the far room. Hinata’s bedroom, Toshinori assumed. Soon enough, Jason hustled out the door as if a rabid dog were chasing him. Hinata stomped after the man like an angry bear. The door clicked open. He heard her screech echo down the hall--“And don’t come back until you get an education in empathy, you fucking jackass!” But all Toshinori saw when he lifted his head-- was Hinata shoving her boyfriend out before slamming and locking the door. She presses her back against it before sliding down to the floor.

💡 Head in her hands, Hinata could feel her temples throbbing. “Fucking American asshole, unbeleivable….” A distinct rustling could be heard from the couch in the corner of her eye. Ah, shit, I probably woke Toshi up with my shouting. Crap. She glanced over. Sure enough, she was greeted by the worst case of sexy bed hair she’d ever seen. Her breath hitched. “He-hey, Toshinori, you feelin’ alright?” He squinted at her from across the room.

 “I was about to ask you the same,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face. “I heard quite a bit of shouting just now. Is everything alright?”

Hinata brushed it off with a scoff and a shrug.  “That’s not important right now, Toshi. You’re my number one priority right now. Come on, let’s get you properly cleaned up.”

[wigglebox]

Holy shit. You had a job in news during THAT election, a death in the family, AND 15x18 all at the same time?!?!! Like… congrats on surviving that week?!?!!

I also worked in the news during the 2016 election and I stg I aged 20 years tbh

Hopefully I won’t be working in the news for the 2024 election lmao

Yeah and it was all during covid so basically it went:

November 1, grandmother dies

November 2, I can’t take time off because we were in game mode for election coverage of which I had to work 10 ish hours a day and my shifts started at 3 am. We had to be in game mode even harder because we were all working from home.

November 3, no presidential winner

November 4, I am informed my grandmothers funeral will be Saturday. Still no presidential winner.

November 5, SEVUHDDIUHVEIDVNWIUVDVFEHUIVERIUHVERIUHVSRNUI💚💙💚💙💙🌈💚💙💙💚💚🌈💫💙💙🌈💙💫💫🌈💙💙🌈💚💙💙. Memes, memes, no presidential winner, more memes, destiel destiel destiel destiel oh my god

November 6, DRUIHVEDOUHVEOUVDSOUDVEROUHDVSOUH 💙💚🌈🌈💙🌈💫💫💫🌈💚💙💙💚✨✨💚💚💚💙💚💫💚💫💚 I forget that my grandmothers funeral was the next day. Still no presidential winner

November. 7, OERJNFEROJNFEROGJNEROGJNEWEIJFNWRKFJNERKJFNEKJN 💚💚💙💫💫💫💚🌈💚✨💙✨💫🌈💙🌈💫💫💚💫💫💙💫💫✨💫✨. Im running on empty. Auto pilot. Still no presidential winner. Im on call if my coworkers need help if there’s a winner announced. I have to sit next to my cancer-ridden father in a Catholic Church for an hour with family members I can’t stand while we say bye bye to my grandmother.

Meanwhile all I have on my brain as the priest is speaking is “damn this church would be a cute setting for a destiel AU fic.” It’s rainbows in my head. I keep forgetting why I’m there.

Then, in the parking lot heading to my car, the associated press announces Joe Biden won the election

I literally will never experience an adrenaline streak like that probably ever again unless Jackles can get this continuation going and Destiel can solidify that reciprocation on screen (and maybe bone on the map table 🌈)

So yeah. It was a crazy week and I always classify it as the most insane week ever and possibly the best week ever and then I remember it was bookended by my grandmothers death and burial lmao

[navigatorwrongway]

okay finals week is over so here’s my ADHD online/remote student survival guide

1. This is the big one: if you’re stuck staring at a blank document that should be an essay by now, what you’re gonna do is turn off your brain and turn on your voice to text on your phone.

ideally, you should have at least one little guy (can be a figurine or stuffie or whatever) for moral support

just go on auto pilot about whatever your paper is supposed to be about. You can go back and neaten it up after you have some thing to neaten up, the point is get something down on the document to break the surface tension

I have speed-written so many essays using this strategy, you don’t even know



2. Get a floor pillow!! It will make your floortime so much more comfortable and sometimes doing work on the floor is necessary for your wellbeing i have this one and I slept on it for several weeks when I didn’t have a bed

just make sure it’s one you can stretch out on, belly flop style — those giant throw pillow-style ones are no good

3. For the love of all things holy go outside sometimes, open a window, anything to get fresh air will help

4. Find something you can have on in the background that will get your brain into over the optimal arousal threshold, I like Time Team and the Historical Farm series (both are on youtube)

5. i KNOW you’ve heard it before but you’re gonna hear it again use firefox and adblockers. Do it. I haven’t seen an ad on YouTube in two years and that could be you, too

6. Even if you can’t use one consistently, I hate to admit it, but a planner does actually help. It doesn’t have to be a planner planner, literally a notepad or stickynote where you write a to-do list and due dates next to the assignment is better than nothing. Black pen for everyday/general to-dos, red for the day it’s due

7. Alarms. Alarms for everything. I usually do three alarms for each class or assignment deadline; ten minutes before, four minutes before, and one minute before

8. Find a dopamine boost game that you can pop on for a second and jump off just as easily. I like dragcave.net because i can collect cute dragons but it doesn’t have any of the ‘drag you in and hold you down’ suction that mobile games do and I can put in as much or as little effort as I want (ie. no rewards for checking in every day, no time-out penalties, also free)

9. Work in daylight as much as you’re able to, lamp light if you must, and screen-only in a dark room as a last resort, your eyes and brain will thank you (see point 1 for alternative methods of essay writing at 10:37pm when there’s a midnight deadline)

10. If your school/institution has tutoring or workshopping resources, use them!! They help, both as an extra pair of eyes and as accountability prods; if you have an appointment to have your essay looked at BEFORE the eleventh hour, it can act as a little baby due date to get that deadline productivity magic working

11. Relatedly, research librarians are seriously SO helpful, see if you can get in touch with one.

12. Find a reason to visit campus every so often, if you don’t have any in-person classes. It’s wild how much the “I am a student, I rightfully belong here” feeling can do to strip away that plastic remote learning vibe

13. Seriously just try point 1 it will make the ‘getting started on essays’ part of your life so much less painful

(And please feel free to add on your own tactics!!)

[transparentheart69]

As if I wasn't already sure of it last night, sealed the deal on it. Watching you pull out of that parking lot felt just like watching you walk out that front door almost 4 years ago. I physically can not handle this much longer. The last couple of times you've left to go back there, my entire body has gone completely numb, and it's like I have to give myself instructions on how to breathe again. It's not a panic attack. I've had three people tell me that's a panic attack. No. It's different. I can talk myself out of the worst panic attacks. Hell, I totaled my car, and I kept my cool. This is like when you leave, all the air in my lungs goes with you, my heart struggles to find its pace, and every single voice in my head erupts in a frenzy of chaotic extremely detailed scenes and there isn't a single thing I can do about it because my body has gone from automatic to auto pilot. I've always joked with you after sex saying you have my soul in a box on a shelf, but the thing is, I'm not kidding anymore when I say that. Do you know what I would do for just ONE full night with you? Do you understand the amount of physical, emotional, and mental pain I would willingly put myself into just to be with you for a full 24 hours? I would work 24 hours 6 days a week in a fucking coal mine. If it meant I got to be with YOU for the 7th day. I would sign myself up for the next draft if it meant I got to be with you the entire day before leaving. I would sign a paper stating I would never get any of my surgeries if it meant I got to be with you for a full 24 hours. I am begging you...when I get into our apartment don't make me do this anymore...

[chibabymumma]

I have spent countless long days and nights sitting here outside the hospital, while the little lion sleeps. Watching the sky, searching for signs he's going to be ok, this photo was during a particularly brutal, vicious virus that was unknown, it attacked little lions lungs so hard he was blue lighted straight into reus. There are many times I have literally nearly peed myself in fear since having little lion, this was one of those times, mega nebulisers were not working, the drs panicked called down anesthetic Specialists ready to intubate him, they put the wee soul on high flow oxygen and finally after days he slept. I came outside for a cigarette and pleaded with my Dieties to help him, help me be strong, when inside I'm a nervous wreck too frightened to do anything, but I do, I don't know how it happens it is as if I go into a strange auto pilot. "He needs me" is all I think. Through the countless sleepless days and nights "he needs me" is this incredible driving force that pushes you forward, when your soul is so tired, you haven't eaten for days , survived on coffee, cigarettes and prayers. "He needs me" is the only fuel I have, it floods deep into my bones and I hear it on repeat in my head "he needs me" and I sit by his bedside, most of the time in anguished silence, me and his Dad, I remember this night so vividly, he was finally starting to he stable the high oxygen flow and mega nebulisers were pushing through his tired sore lungs, and he had fallen asleep, his Dad was with him and i quietly crept out, i promised Sam my other son i would call him at 3 am for work, Sam was so tired he had covered his Dad's shifts while he wss at the hospital as they both work at the same place. He was frightened he would oversleep. I sat in the dark, under the gloomy lights of the hospital, praying and searching the sky. I literally had to crawl back in. By this point I had slept a minimum of 3 hours a day for over a week. I walked in and see little lion sat up in bed, brimming with excitement to see me, his poor Dad had crashed out in the chair next to him. His face beamed with a smiles and he was flapping his arms in excitement, he only does this with Hey Duggee!

"what are you doing awake?"

I was so delighted to see him like that, I rushed over to him, pulled him in my arms and held him, he carried on flapping and then bit me so I knew he was feeling better by this point. I called Sam and crawled into the hospital bed with little lion and finally we all slept. Little lion stayed in hospital this time for 6 days.

[recordstellar-official]

A Sword Through the Fog

Scene 6: The Knight of Fog

Y 227 2nd Unity,9th of Thermidore

The morning fog was dense and Juhn sat in the pilot's cabin of his auto-carriage seething. "Damned mists," he muttered as he slammed his gloved fists on the steering column. His tank of flummogsten had just been filled and he'd have to drag out the ol' girl. She needed a rest but the weather was forcing his hand. With two hours of prep later, Cinnamon was steadily pulling the non-functioning auto-carriage along. With Gregory guiding the old girl, Juhn sat himself in the back beside his sister and their closest friend in Feygard.

Up on top inside one of the storage chests, sat Dorathi. Hidden from her cousins, she contemplated the mission the WSE had assigned for her. A thud broke her concentration as her head bumped against the side as an auto-carriage wheel ran over a pothole with enough force to knock all of the group's supplies overboard. Dorathi had to hand it to Juhn; he knew how tie a good knot, he and his sister. But what would you expect from veteran adventurers? In all honesty, Dorathi had never been on an adventure herself. Mainly assignments - but they were straight forward. She'd teleport in and out, with no opportunity to explore or experience the many landscapes and cultures. She ruminated on the many assassinations she'd took part in. Mainly novice necromancers or those who worked with them. Sometimes the undead themselves. Dorathi chewed on some seeds. Pumpkin, sunflower, flax, and walnut chunks. It made for good birdseed. Especially when you added bits of stone. She listened closely, waiting for a sign that the carriage was rolling to a stop. Sensing that it was slowing down after what seemed like five minutes, she opened the suitcase and crawled out. They had arrived at the international skyport, off in Baldwin Port, a large city in the northernmost edge of Inthal. Rolling off the back, she clutched the bottom axle, making sure her cloak didn't drag onto the mud. She heard a mix of clicking and laughter.

Abstoanarchuud (Aahb-sto-ahn-R-cood), the occult language of the Palkites. It was especially effective at banishing evil. It was especially loud. Dorathi allowed the clicking and loling inside her head to continue unanswered. Her fellow operatives knew what she was up to; they were planning out their patrol of the airship yard. It was their job to make sure none of the Vashtnal cult operatives were able to get near or at least harm any of the three elven adventurers headed to Brightspire. Wöd had done his part to make sure that Raina had gotten to Aquilheim. It was Dorathi's job to make sure they got to Brightspire and through Brightspire. All without garnering the attention of the two cults that had sprouted there. She had made sure Raina got the owl, but it wouldn't be enough protection until they got to Eirstead. Added to the threat that the cults in Brightspire were the Adrubbahkites and their spy network. It was annoying and effective enough to keep up with Lialka's movements without her noticing. What had their attention wasn't her potential to thwart the Q'dauruhk, but her connection to Dreyus, a man they wished to manipulate. A man Dorathi feared they knew how to control. A man Dorathi knew only thought about control. An actual five minutes passed, and finally the auto-carriage door opened. Juhn's boots were the first to hit the ground. Lialka's came next followed by a more gentle landing from Raina. He must have lifted her off of the carriage. Juhn, you make it so obvious, she thought to herself. Tsk, tsk, at this rate you might as well assume the position. Dorathi waited a good two minutes as she watched the three walk off. When she was certain they were too far to reasonably hear, she started clicking and cackling...'Eagles gone nest,' Dorathi clicked and hahed. 'Ok. I go stalk them now.' Wöd. 'Lialka knows I'm here. But she not go tell. She seek hard.' 'Ok. Hide hard then. I ask thing.' 'Ask thing.' 'Why Lialka not know more.' 'Plan not work if she know.' 'Ok.' Dorathi crawled back up to the back of the carriage before climbing down. She waited before the baggage handler arrived. It was Gusc, a gnome.

"Dorathi."

"Mr. Areh. If you could hand me my suitcase."

"Of course, milady," Gusc replied. He clapped his hands as two robed figures jumped out from the shadows.

"Get Ms. Einthael her equipment for this assignment." The two men nodded as they grabbed the suitcase Dorathi had hidden herself in. Bringing it to her, they waved their hands over it. Dorathi opened the chest and pulled out a crossbow.

Alongside it were cold-iron bolts.

"Good against Arnd'thuul. But be wise with them. The only known Cold-iron deposits exist on the continent of Chianglong. In a land known as Hylsphan." Dorathi nodded. She equipped her items, taking two canisters sitting in the chest as well.

"For taking on large groups of opponents. We'll make sure to drop you some more every 2 months. Use them wisely. They can't be made where you're going."

"Understood," Dorathi replied. She strapped the cobalt grenades onto her belt. And walked off.

Have yourself a good shift," she told Gusc as she calmly walked towards The Crossheart. She climbed up the side and undid a panel, crawling inside before sealing herself inside and redoing the insulation.

[debaroohoo]

This morning at work I started restoring a file at 6:50AM.

It’s now past 11PM.

It has been running for over half a day.

The file 4.5(ish)GB.

But that’s not the only restore I ran today. The two 250GB-300GB files? 30 minutes!!!

Why.

Seriously. Why.

I’ve restored other versions of the same file in the past couple of days. All 3GB-5GB, average restore time being around 6.5 hours. The eight 250+GB files? 25 minute average.

I spent most of my workday researching these files to see what the hell could possibly be causing the much smaller file to take it’s sweet time but got absolutely nothing.

My shift ended at 2:30PM. I left my laptop on and logged in, periodically poking my head into my office between rounds of Mario Kart thinking “it’s gotta be done now right?”

I did that for hours. Eventually I got to the point that I was basically racing on auto pilot. That damn restore had to finish before I got tired of getting my ass kicked in online racing, wondering who I pissed off to never get a Bullet Bill despite spending so much time in 10th to last place.

But it never did finish, and now I’m probably going to be playing Mario Kart in my dreams tonight. Maybe I’ll finally be blessed with Bullet Bills.

If that restore is still running when I log on in the morning, I’m either going to scream or cry. Or maybe I’ll be so tired that I’ll just be dead inside.

It’s not even that big of a deal, really. The person who requested it will be inconvenienced, but it is what it is and there’s not much we can do about it. Unfortunately, my brain has latched on to this minor annoyance and refuses to turn itself off for a bit to let me sleep. Hence why I’m writing this all out and throwing it into the void - maybe getting some of it out of my head will distract the ol’ noggin noodle long enough that it’ll start to shut down.

Or not, I kinda wanna hop out of bed and peek at the computer screen one more time…

[thegreatstoryteller]

The Great Shift: Friendsgiving

“So we’ve got the turkey in the oven, the mashed potatoes being mashed, yams ready for serving, and gravy on the stove top! Am I missing anything?” Reggie asked looking eagerly at his boyfriend Roth.

“Nope! You’ve got everything honey. It’s gonna be fine. I already have dessert in the fridge and drink ready to pour. Tonight is gonna be great, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” Roth consoled, looking up at his concerned man while rubbing the his lower back. His eager hands couldn’t resist pulling at the shorts Reggie liked to wear around the house when he went shirtless.

“I know.. I know.... it’s just been such a long time since we all got together. I’d been keeping up with Chan a bit... but the others only briefly... What.... has it been 3 years since the Great Shift?” Reggie said sullenly as if recounting the time.

“It sure has been. 3 years since the world went full on swap crazy... and 3 years since I got lucky enough to be swapped so close to you.” Roth smirked hugging his boyfriend lovingly.

Reggie smiled as he turned to gaze down into his boyfriend’s beautiful brown eyes, covered by glasses he didn’t originally need till it all happened. He couldn’t believe his luck. Nearly 3 Thanksgivings ago his friends Roth, Chan, Phil, Monty, and Joseph were all eager to be in town for their family’s celebrations. They were close all throughout high school and college and wanted were finally all in the same place. But then the shift happened. Reggie was in the kitchen helping his mom out with a meal when suddenly he was somewhere else entirely.... in someone else! He was having the most intimate moment he’d ever experienced with one of the most handsome men he’d ever seen! For the nerdy one of his group Reggie had never gotten remotely intimate with anyone, but now it was as if his body was moving on auto pilot. Thrusting, moaning, and kissing like a top notch adult film actor!

It was only after the most satisfying hour off passionate love making that he managed to come down from that high. The next few minutes were furious explanations and apologies, that were immediately shushed by who Reggie later learned was Roth! The former nerd couldn’t believe his straight best friend who played football and was a notorious ladies man was this incredibly cute African American twink who he’d just been inside of! Not to mention the glasses and Pokémon necklace completing the whole new nerdy look!

 And when Reggie finally got a good look at himself there was no trace of the former nerd. Hard muscles and broad shoulders were the only thing anyone would see when they stared at him now. That and a handsome face, framed perfectly with his new Asian features. People would say he could be a model with that physique and bone structure, but his shy nature wouldn’t call for anything more than attention from his soon to be boyfriend. 

Needless to say the rest was history. The two survived the strange transition from great shift craziness back to normal lives and had been living together and getting closer the entire time. Reggie as the newly Asian 6′2 fitness model. Roth as the nerdy 5′4 twink who had a knack for admiring his boyfriend’s body.

Soon the doorbell broke Reggie’s train of thought. “Oh that must be them! Mind taking the turkey out babe? I’m gonna get the door!” Reggie directed as he strode towards the doorway. When Reggie opened up he was greeted by the open smoldering smile of Chan.

“S’up guys. Great to see you. Looking good there Reggie. Guess I’m not the only one who’s been hitting the gym since the change! Now that I’m back in town maybe we can start working out again.” Chan smirked, his once thicker accent gone with time and apparently a new body.

Reggie simply hugged his friend still inwardly surprised. He’d kept up with Chan, but he hadn’t seen any pictures that would suggest he was now a white guy. Chan had been the second nerdiest of the group and a Chinese immigrant, originally meeting his friends when his parents moved for work. He stayed in college under a student visa and after they graduated was worried he’d be unable to continue living nearby when he couldn’t find work right away. Well then the shift happened landing him in the most American body he could think of with a thick East Coast accent!

“It was actually funny. When it happened I thought I was in some kind of dream, but it happened to be true. Once identities were being re-established I had to explain who I was and they had a hard time wanting to deport a guy who could barely speak Mandarin or Kantonese! Still sucks how I’m one of those guys who had that dang language aphasia post swap the prevents me from knowing words that my current body didn’t know.  But hey, I may not be a language major anymore, but I at least got some solid work! Have to hold back saying things like ‘forget about it’ these days. It’s like a weird verbal compulsion, y’know?” Chan explained as he got inside to greet Roth. 

Then the doorbell chimed once more and two larger men were there.

“Hey Reggie!... that is you right?” the first larger man said. The signature casual grin on that face was unmistakably Phil! There seemed to be no sign of his tall skinny friend who loved to smoke pot in the basement.  “Y-yeah. This is me. Wow Phil! It’s great to see you again. Come on in.” The larger man laughed. “Don’t worry. I’ve seen that face all around town when I re introduce myself to people! I know I’ve put on some weight since you last saw me. I’ve been embracing my new dad bod these days, especially my new appetite! When I first got into this guy I was surprised to say the least. Not every day you gain over 100lbs and are sitting in front of some corporate desk job. And I lost my long silky hair! But hey, I’ve got this kickass beard now and a beefier bod! Not bad being 6′4 with these huge thick feet. They’re size 15 if you can believe! And of course I’m at least not alone. Monty is in the same big guy boat as me.”

Phil stepped aside as if to hide the pretty obvious big guy behind him.

 “Yeah. Hi. Good to see you again Reggie. I take it Roth and Chan are already inside?” Monty asked. This larger guy looked less comfortable in his skin. Clothes clearly tight over his larger body.

“Yeah of course. They’re just in the kitchen. Dinner is about to be served soon.” Reggie explained as the two large bellies before him rumbled in excitement. “Gosh this embarrassing.” Monty winced. “I used to be the lean put together one of our group and now I can barely contain myself whenever someone mentions food.... a lot of things taste real good now... but I just can’t keep the weight off. I keep trying to do exercises and diets, but my self control isn’t what it used to be... but it’s at least good to see friends and... well Chan is always looking good these days.” Monty blushes. He was once a lean 5′10 with a runner’s build, and while he’d maintained his height it was now enlarged with a hefty coating of hair and fat.

Reggie wasn’t sure what to make of this but lead the two larger men to the table as Chan joined them. As the three friends caught up Reggie went back to the kitchen to see his smaller boyfriend struggling with taking the big turkey out of the oven. 

“Here let me lend you a hand.” Reggie offered as he effortlessly grabbed some oven mitts and lifted the meal with ease.

“Thanks babe,” Roth smiled. “I forget I’m not as strong as I used to be. Chan offered to do some workouts later this week. Maybe I’ll join him! Get some of my old physique back.” Roth patted his lean arms of non existent muscle. 

“I’d love that Roth. You’re the one who showed me how to maintain this body while the world was still going mad. I couldn’t have got through all that without you.” Reggie admitted with a blush.

“Hey, we got each other through all that.” Roth pulled his boyfriend in for another one of their legendary kisses, both men feeling the other stir with pleasure. When they release Roth smirked. “Now how about we get out there and serve them a delicious meal.” Reggie nodded excitedly and the two came out with the food.

It was clear for anyone at the table to see that Chan and Monty were making eyes at each other, but even that was broken when the food was placed and the feast began.

“Had anyone heard from Joey? I was hoping he’d come by too.” Roth asked as he passed the mashed potatoes. 

“Oh you hadn’t heard?” Chan said. “Joey is going by Joseph now. He’s been all over social media ever since he turned into that hot straight guy. Look here’s his latest post.” Chan produced his phone and showed them a classic social media post with a cringe caption.

“Thankful for my busty babe Jessica for snapping me before my morning workout in Milan. #blessed #truefriends”

“Woah is that really Joey?” Reggie stared wide eyed. The Joey he knew was an outspoken gay man who was advocating for rights, while attending Pride! He was a shorter guy who had no problem grabbing people’s attention too. Granted he knew he was a bit of a horny twink at times, but still. The guy he was seeing seemed to post countless shirtless pics with beautiful women left and right. His latest post suggested he was traveling abroad with a collection of different hot women offering him places to stay throughout his trip.

“It really is. I tried to get him to come but he just said he had more babes to meet up and knew we’d understand.” Chan scoffed with disappointment.

Roth just shook his head. “What a jerk. Guess some people really let the shift change em for the worse.”

“Aw come on. Let’s not let o’l joey get us down.” Phil said patting the smaller guy on the back, nearly knocking him off the chair. “We got a whole table to be thankful for this year! And i’m not talking just about the food!” 

They all laughed, comforted by Phil’s familiar light heartedness. “I’m just saying. We survived a weird time in human history and are still friends. I’m real lucky to have you guys here and wouldn’t change it for the world.”

“Now that sounded like a cheers. How about we raise a glass?” Monty suggested.

“I like the sound of that.” Chan nodded as he held Monty’s thick hand under the table, causing both men to blush.

“To the people in our lives! And the one’s we’re lucky enough to call friends!” Phil cheered.

“Cheers!” “Salud!” “Here here!”

The group of friends continued to eat happy for the things they could be thankful for and were hoping for even more moments like this to share.

[oakedredwine]

Workaholic Pt.2

--Check out Pt.1 first; It means a lot :)--

It was early-ish and the house smelled of coffee and cinnamon. The crackling of oil in a pan occasionally rose to be a loud sizzle. The sounds of popping from the skillet mixed with that of thunder and rain outside the window.

You rose from the bed and picked up the dusty bag at the bedside. It was heavy and smelled of coal. You wiped your eyes as if it'd wake you up faster-it didn't- and walked toward the house door.

"Hey. No no no. You didn't even have breakfast." Your husband sped walked over to you and held you by the waist. You felt butterflies rise in your stomach.

"I just need to put this in the shipping crate outside." You tried to negotiate with the man.

"You have all day to do that. Right now you need to sit down and eat." He dropped the bag on the floor and spun you around, guiding you to the table. It had one chair. It always did, even before Sebastian moved in.

This was the first time you pulled it out from the table and sat in it. He set a cup of coffee and a plate of complete breakfast down. He stood at the other end of the table and ate, holding his plate. You looked at him, regret washing over you.

"I should have bought us another chair." You said. He looked at you.

"Don't worry about that right now." He said softly.

You shut up and ate your breakfast, but while eating some of the hashbrowns you'd come to realize that you never bought anything as decoration for the house.

The wallpaper was still a leafy green color and the TV still set on the floor. Your room was empty, just a bed, and the only reason you bought the extension of the kitchen was to convince the mariner to give you the mermaid pendant.

'What was it he said?' You can't remember what the guy said. It was raining and you were too frustrated to make a mental note of it.

You finished your plate of food and stood up. You mindlessly began doing the dishes. Sebastian gently nudged you aside and assisted you. You smiled.

"I remember when we still just barely knew eachother." He said. You leaned your head on him.

"You would come out of the mines, covered in snow and ice, wander around the town for ages, and find me at the dock. "

"You gave me a frozen tear. I had no clue how you'd known my affinity toward them, but you'd return and bring me gifts. Every week." He held onto your hand.

"Everytime you'd find me, I'd know it was you behind me. Your footsteps were so familiar. You even started visiting me. The moment my mom opened the shop, you'd come straight to my room, wake me up, and give me sashimi." He chuckled at the warm memories.

"You care so much, and I love you for that. But there's a time when you need to take a breath and stop working so hard." He faced you head on.

"Lately you've been scaring me. You wake up at 6:00 and work for 18 hours straight. You've been getting reckless in the mines too. You've been bringing more and more elixirs and bombs. " He held onto your shoulders tightly.

"I'm sorry. " You tried to say more but you couldn't.

"Sometimes, I feel like I still barely know you." He frowned and avoided eye contact.

"I'm sorry." You repeated. He hugged you.

"Stop saying sorry. I'm not mad, and you don't need to ask for forgiveness. You've just-" He couldn't find the words, but you understood what he wanted to say.

You closed your eyes and hugged him. It was exausting staying on auto pilot for so long.

"Remember when I found you on your bike late at night after we first got together? You let me hop on the back and you drove me to see the edge of the city?" You asked. The memory replaying in your mind.

"Yes. Of course!" He smiled as the memory replayed for him as well.

"When you asked me what I thought of the city, at first I wanted to say:

"It's beautiful!"

But I stopped. I took a moment to think and grasp that feeling I had. I felt strangely sad. It was like a heavy pit in my stomach. It scared me. I wanted to change the subject, but I didn't want to be obvious. So instead I just turned to you and smiled." You said to him not sure where this was going.

"I just thought it was a nice memory." You admitted.

"The city was beautiful." You added before going quiet.

"Do you want to see it again?" He asked.

"That would be nice." You said.

[welcometololaland]

I love love love your Tennis AU. If you don’t mind: what went through Carlos’ head when he had to play against TK, after the match and when he thought TK was missing? I would really like to hear your thoughts on those scenes. :)

🚨🚨🚨SPOILERS FOR LOVE GAME🚨🚨🚨

Carlos vs. TK - this one has a special place in my heart. I've adapted something I wrote in a response to a comment left on Ao3. I hope no one minds!

I tossed and turned about Carlos vs. TK for ages before I wrote it - who would win, how it would play out, how they would approach it. It was really clear to me as soon as I'd written chapter 3 and 4 that Carlos was the logical winner. Many people (including myself) were rooting for TK, but at this point in the fic, Carlos is written as the better player, so I think his win was inevitable. TK has a skillset that is very niche and an undeniable natural talent, but Carlos has been working his ass off while TK has been on hiatus. Carlos is primed and ready and TK is still dusting off the cobwebs.

Obviously, chapter 5 is TK POV, and TK is a bit of an unreliable narrator at times. He's hot headed and quick to temper, and I think that coloured his perception of Carlos here. Yes, the net thing appeared rude, and seemed out of character for Carlos, but TK doesn't give him the benefit of the doubt, so I intentionally left that point unclear (Carlos really did apologise, TK just didn't see it).

As to Carlos' feelings during the match, my view is that Carlos is a consummate professional in every universe. He has a serious allergy to letting anyone down. He simply CANNOT not try. He had to win this match, and I believe that to do that, he had to almost turn himself on auto pilot and just focus on playing the best tennis he could. He had to, because there was no option to concede and compromise on his morals or his sponsors or all of his training. TK means a lot to Carlos - but we know Carlos has a very strong understanding of right and wrong, and I don't think it was wrong for him to try and win in the circumstances. Actually, it would have been wrong of him to throw the match, even though he KNOWS it will upset TK.

As Carlos says in chapter 6, I think he put his blinkers on, and once he saw TK was losing the plot, just played the most aggressive game he could to end the match quickly. I think it really hurt him to see TK hurting, and he would have wanted to be a source of comfort for him. So knowing he was not only not able to be that source of comfort, but in fact was the source of the discomfort, would have been extremely difficult for Carlos.

After the match, I think Carlos went and did his post match press conference, cool down and massage. I think he spoke with his team about how worried he was that he'd upset TK. I think Paul (who has always seen right through him) probably helped a lot by convincing Carlos that TK would eventually forgive him. Tommy would have stroked his hair and told him that he made the best out of a bad situation. Andrea would have hugged him and praised him for having a big heart. Gabriel would have patted him on his (uninjured) shoulder and said "you did what you had to do, mijo" and Tío Fernando would have had no sympathy for TK at all 😂 Tío Fernando I see as a great guy - just very utilitarian, and we come to see that he softens towards TK later.

Lastly, Carlos would have been a complete mess by the time 4 hours had passed. I believe he would have wanted to think the best of TK - that he hadn't gone and relapsed - but certainly the story TK told him in Paris would have been playing on his mind. He would have texted Judd, Nancy and Mateo incessantly, asking for any updates. He would have texted TK over and over. He would have called TK so many times his voicemail filled up. He would have gone out for a quick walk around the block himself and then run back to the hotel just in case he missed TK coming in, and then sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands when TK wasn't there. I didn't write Carlos as particularly religious in this fic (although his family is Catholic), but I think he would have prayed anyway. He would have been constantly asking himself what he could have done better, or whether he should have withdrawn, or whether he should have let TK win.

I don't think he would have been thinking about his feelings for TK necessarily - I think in that moment he would have been far more concerned for TK's health and safety. He just wanted TK to come back to him in one piece, and then he'd deal with whatever came next.

Sorry for the long explanation! I have a lot of feelings about Carlos vs. TK, and I know a lot of other people did too!

Love Game - Chapter 5 - Volley

[myscrubslife]

Hi, you’re blog is super inspiring and I love to go through it! I was wondering how one can keep such good focus or if it’s just natural to you? I suffer from bipolar and adhd and my focus is so horrible but I’ve always been in love with the medical field. To be a nurse or even phlebotomy seems difficult! When did you first realize you wanted to be a doctor?

That’s so nice of you! 😊 I started this blog to combine my love for art and medical sciences.

When I was about 5, my grandpa had a major heart surgery (CABG) that was my first exposure to a big hospital. My dad’s company used to do volunteer work with paediatric cancer patients and I used to go visit with him. Over the years I saw more of my grandparents go in and out of hospitals, met some amazing doctors and I think that’s where my interest started. Biology was always my favourite subject in school and I used to say “I don’t want a 9 to 5 desk job” kind of regret saying that now when we have continuous 48 hour duties over the weekend haha. I’m the first doctor in my family and I didn’t have much idea of what I was getting into, there are times when it gets overwhelming and I ask myself “Why did I even think being a doctor was a good idea?” so I come here to remind myself how much I actually love this branch and there are others who feel the same. There’s also my favourite 2000’s medical show called [Scrubs] that I keep rewatching and that’s where my username comes from :)

I’m only done with one degree and there’s a lot more to study. I was lucky to find a mentor who motivated me to read more and teachers who make the subjects interesting but I do get distracted a lot while studying on my own. I can understand how hard it must be for you. I researched a bit on studying techniques over the past few years and found some ways that work for me-

1. I use this famous focus app called Forest to stop me from checking my phone while I’m studying for long hours at a time. I usually set it to 90-120 min sessions and take small breaks after I’m done (most people prefer the Pomodoro method of 25 mins focus then 5 mins break and repeat, but this works out better for me) I blacklist all the apps that I easily get distracted with and only check them after a session has ended.

2. If I’m about to read up on a certain topic, I first try to find a video on that topic, it helps me get an overview and understand the topic better when I read it. I respect teachers who don’t mind sharing their knowledge for free on YouTube!

3. I take a lot of notes while studying from my textbooks, mostly just scribbling on a single piece of paper, simplified diagrams and flowcharts so that my brain doesn’t go on auto-pilot mode (where I don’t even remember what I just read) it helps me actually understand what I’m reading.

4. I make a lot of flashcards- both digital and pen and paper ones, it helps me retain the information better. The app I use for this is called Feyn and I keep revising them after a certain time (Spaced-repetition). I also solve a lot of questions (multiple choice ones) which helps me retain what I learned rather than just passively reading the topic.

You can read more about Active Recall here.

5. Good (Japanese) stationary that makes studying fun :) I love colour coding my notes for eg. green for drug names and pink for microorganisms, red for information that is often tested. I also make a checklist of reading goals for the day.

6. My Mom suggested that I should have a dedicated space in my room that is only used for studying. This helped me concentrate better. I used to study on my bed when I was younger but I often fell asleep.

7. This may sound a bit cheesy but I’ve written my goals on a post-it on my wall as a reminder but my mentor says “Motivation fades over time, consistency is the key” so I try to read everyday even if it’s just for 30mins to 1 hour to make it a habit.

Hope this helps!