#I was working on auto pilot by hour 6

[oldbooksandnewmusic]

I think one person asked for more cursed miraculous au so this one goes out to you boo!

[poopersdoopers]

Apple Pie

Summary: Sanji x Fem! Reader Angst and fluff. TW: jealousy, reader gets literally sick of all the flirting. 100% safe for work.

Im not editing this, good luck y'all. Love you tho!

Sanji had betrayed you for the last time.

You usually weren’t a possessive lover. You trusted the cook to remain loyal to you, but you couldn’t stand those fleeting eyes. 

Every day he would profess his undying love for you.

But every day he would lean into the curve of another woman’s neck to breathe in the scent.

And here you were, eyes fixed on a man who would leap into another’s embrace if given the okay by you.

Perhaps it was Nami or maybe Zoro’s knowing stares at you, that set you over the edge. The way the orange-hair woman shrugged off the cook’s advances, knowing your steeled eyes were always watching. Her eyes darting between the two of you.

Or the way, Zoro would sneer at Sanji’s flirtatious behavior every time the pervert sing-song praises at a woman a third of your size. Even their daily bickering becoming a bit too much for you.

Your Captain had been invited to dinner by a shop-keeper as a thank you for defeating a local gang. Free food was always a deal Luffy could not deny, just as much as Sanji could not deny the company of a beautiful woman or her 8 lovely, unmarried sisters. Great.

The black legged man served out a 6-course meal in the span of an hour and a half. Each sister sang praises, in return were given a sip from the finest flirt of the seas. They blushed at your boyfriend’s praise. Touching.

You could feel Nami and Zoro’s concern loom over the heat of your face. The navigator literally placed her hand atop your thigh and remarked, “I’m sorry, y/n.”

But who were you to deny your flouncy boyfriend’s nature?Whose eyes literally turned into hearts when he looked at you. Whose passion could be felt in each firefly step he took.

That’s when he sets your favorite dessert at the table with a kiss atop of your forehead.

 “For my favorite lady, a tiramisu”. 

One of the 8 beauties gasped in shock.You could hear someone mumble, “I never pictured you with someone like that.” Another sister giggled. You could feel the whole table staring, besides your Captain burying his whole face into a pile of meat. Whispers circulating across the room. Your heart beat increased. Seething anger and anxiety took over. 

Maybe you should stay quiet, let the bad feelings eat away at your soul, and let the blonde have his way with you, before settling into the form of another lover. Maybe then you would learn to let go and move on.

To your surprise, your boyfriend still hovered over you. His eyes burned two holes into your face. The dining room, once filled with laughter and warmth, was stifled with your darkness. 

Great, you always had to ruin things with your stormy moods.

Sanji grasped your shoulder tightly.

“What’s wrong my love -”, you stood up. Now your Captain was alert to your craziness.

“Stop. It’s nothing, go back to your girlfriends. Don’t follow me”, you rushed in search of the bathroom, still feeling the burn of eyes on your back.

In auto-pilot, your hands searched for a light-switch. You stumbled along to the sink, seeing your haggard reflection in the mirror –you had been crying without knowing it. Around your eyes were angry and red. Another embarrassment to yourself and others. 

Sanji had successfully gotten under your skin. I guess that’s what love is, no? 

You felt sick at the fucked up realization and rushed towards the toilet. Gagging up all the bullshit excuses you fed yourself throughout the night and the food you’d barely touched.

The sound of blood rushed through your ears, your body floating outside your body. 

You couldn’t keep doing this anymore. More lecherous women wanting a man who belonged to the world, not you.

The cold of the floor soothed your heated body, as you curled up into yourself. A knock at the door alerted you, that someone heard -they had heard your private sobs and misery. You couldn’t afford to unravel even more in front of someone, not when you had displayed a less than stellar performance as a lover, crewmate, and friend all night. 

Another knock,“Baby, let me in.”

You couldn’t. You couldn’t do more to destroy the first relationship you barely had. Your mind raced, your body heaved.

“I’m coming in”, you braced yourself for impact. They would have to repair the door later, nothing would stop your boyfriend’s fiery kicks when it came to his crew.

You heard his footsteps, saw the shine of his black loafers, and still denied his presence. 

His hands rubbed circles on your back. 

“Oh, Angel, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have forced that dessert on you if I knew you were feeling sick”, you gagged again.

The blonde helped prop you over the toilet. You shed embarrassed tears. 

“I’m so sorry, Sanji”, you tried to muster out between gags. He kissed behind your neck to the juncture of your back, “It’s nothing to be sorry for, we’ve already seen each other at our best and worst. Besides I cannot deny a lady in need”.

You wanted to punch him, “There’s a difference between helping a lady in need and flirting with every woman you see!”

The cook looked at you incredulously, through his bangs. “Is this what this is all about? Are you jealous?”

You gagged at his smug tone, quite sick of him already. -_- Nothing came up, it looked like you were done.

“I’m going to go grab you some water and then we can talk”. You wanted to run from this whole conversation, but your legs were too wobbly. Fuck. Instead you’d stay and wallow in your thoughts, the scent of bile clogging up your senses.

A few seconds later, your annoying boyfriend showed up, with a cup of water. 

“Looks like the whole house has moved to someplace else.”

Oh. Did you cause that as well? “I’m sorry,” your eyes shifted to inspect the number of tiles between you and the bath.

“What are you apologizing for?”, your eyes refused to meet your lover’s blue eyes in fear you’d give yourself away again.

 “Can you stand up?”, you shook your head and heard him sigh in response. Before crouching down beside your shorter frame. His hand wrapped around one of your ankle’s soothing your nerves. The two of you sat there in silence for a while.

Sanji was the first to speak, “Look at me”.  You refused still transfixed on the titles.

You felt him remove his hand from your ankle to grab at your chin. Now you got a better look at the prince in front of you. Dressed in his typical black suit, wrapped around his thin yet muscular body like a glove. His eyes shone with adoration. How could this man hurt you so much?

You wanted to look away but instead you fell into the light of his blue eyes, cast between the shadow of his bangs. 

“That’s my girl”, his lips curled into a smile. You were fucked.

“One of your girls,” you remarked bitterly. “I see the way you look at other women, how you treat them to your kindness for free, and in return they follow you like predators waiting to bite. I’m supposed to sit here and watch?” Your voice broke. 

“What am I supposed to do when the whole world wants you? What am I supposed to do when you invite others into your light? I know it’s selfish but I want you for me and me only.”

“Oh, y/n, you know you’re the only girl for me’, you smacked his hand away. Sanji’s eyes went back to burning circles into your skin. His hand twitched in mid air.  

You began again, angrier this time,“That’s simply not true! I see the way you look at other women’s bodies, the way you whisper secrets into their ears. There’s flirting to flirt — then there’s something else entirely.”

You curled your limp legs up into yourself, feeling the cold of the bathroom tile against your bottom.You were very afraid of the next words to come out of your mouth. But it had to be done, you needed to feel free of this weight again.

“If you want to be set free to be with the beautiful women of this world, I can do it easily. Don’t hold yourself back for me.”

“Easily?”, he murmured.

“You know exactly what I mean, Sanji”, you glared back at him. 

“No, I’m afraid I don’t.”

You sighed, “I don’t want to tie you down, just so I can be happy.”

 A silence filled the air of the bathroom. Your legs tingle, slowly coming back to life, under the gaze you knew all too well. 

Worrying your lip against your teeth, you thought of a future without the man you love. Watching him fall in and out of bars, wrapping his arms around prettier women. Sanji would keep strange girls close to his side, standing close to the street to shield them from the nightlife and traffic. You would watch him curl into and out of hands softer and more secure than your own. And wound yourself each time until all that remained was a fraction of the people the two of you used to be. 

Then finally, he would find the true love of his life. Whom he would kiss across the all blue and never have his eyes linger onto another pair of thighs, slimmer than your own. Or a pair of eyes brighter than your own, ones that have never known hardship or seen the darkest depths of this world.

You were shaking, crying again. You’d yell if you could but your tongue felt too big for your mouth. And there was Sanji, eyes hiding behind the curtain of his bangs.

You felt an arm circle around your shoulders, and pull you into the expanse of the cook’s chest.

“I’m never letting you go”, his other arm wrapped against you, thumb smoothing circles into your shoulder. “I-”, you began.

“I’m never letting you go”, he repeated firmly. He began to pull you into his lap. Now you were even more fucked, you couldn’t escape his embrace easily nor look away from the handsome man. You tried to muster up some wits about you, to win against the warmth that exploded in your chest, but the man was too powerful.

“I’m never letting you go. You are the only one for me”, his lips left kisses across your forehead, unfurrowing your tightly knit brow.

The blonde, cupped your face into his hands. He fervently kissed your closed eyes, before drawing back. 

“I’m sorry for behaving like an idiot. Let me make it up to you for the rest of your life, as long as you will let me?”

You nodded, crying harder now. 

“I hope those are happy tears, my love.” He lifted you up and before you could protest about being too heavy, the man carried you bridal style out of the bathroom and back to the ship. You could feel the reassurance of his heartbeat humming in your ears. And you knew it. You were loved.

When you returned to the ship, luckily enough, everyone was asleep –aside from Robin no doubt reading anthologies about ancient texts again.

The two of you got ready for bed, like you did every night. A quick shower, brushing of teeth, pajamas and a big sleep shirt thrown on, but this time Sanji couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. You felt like the prey locked in the sight of a panther, but instead of running away you stayed gladly trapped in the haze of fate. 

He took your hand in his and led you back down towards the kitchen. You sat down and waited for him to make some tea.

To your surprise it was another one of your favorite desserts, apple pie paired with soothing green tea for your stomach.

Your lips tugged into a smile, as soon as the first bite hit your mouth. Brown sugar, soft tart apples, and lots of cinnamon to sweeten up your soul. You went in for the second spoonful, but Sanji had other plans, placing you back into his lap. You blushed. 

“Pervert”, you muttered. He took the spoon out of your hands.

“So are you”, he remarked. You pouted.

“Just because you’re right…doesn’t mean you have to say it.”

He laughed hartley. You laughed with him, snuggling into his chest.

You sat there and let the blonde man feed you small pieces of pie, between small kisses and intimate jokes. Finally finished, you wrapped his hands around his slim chest and looked up at the cook cheekily. His thighs steeled, you could feel his muscles underneath the thin pajama bottoms. 

His legs were strong and capable just like the man you’d come to love after all these years. 

You kissed him on his nose, then his cheeks, before finally kissing him on his mouth. He licked his lips, “Now I want a slice of that damn pie.”

ps Idk if I wanna be that damn mouse or that girl or AAAAAAA

[thegreatstoryteller]

The Great Shift: Friendsgiving

“So we’ve got the turkey in the oven, the mashed potatoes being mashed, yams ready for serving, and gravy on the stove top! Am I missing anything?” Reggie asked looking eagerly at his boyfriend Roth.

“Nope! You’ve got everything honey. It’s gonna be fine. I already have dessert in the fridge and drink ready to pour. Tonight is gonna be great, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” Roth consoled, looking up at his concerned man while rubbing the his lower back. His eager hands couldn’t resist pulling at the shorts Reggie liked to wear around the house when he went shirtless.

“I know.. I know.... it’s just been such a long time since we all got together. I’d been keeping up with Chan a bit... but the others only briefly... What.... has it been 3 years since the Great Shift?” Reggie said sullenly as if recounting the time.

“It sure has been. 3 years since the world went full on swap crazy... and 3 years since I got lucky enough to be swapped so close to you.” Roth smirked hugging his boyfriend lovingly.

Reggie smiled as he turned to gaze down into his boyfriend’s beautiful brown eyes, covered by glasses he didn’t originally need till it all happened. He couldn’t believe his luck. Nearly 3 Thanksgivings ago his friends Roth, Chan, Phil, Monty, and Joseph were all eager to be in town for their family’s celebrations. They were close all throughout high school and college and wanted were finally all in the same place. But then the shift happened. Reggie was in the kitchen helping his mom out with a meal when suddenly he was somewhere else entirely.... in someone else! He was having the most intimate moment he’d ever experienced with one of the most handsome men he’d ever seen! For the nerdy one of his group Reggie had never gotten remotely intimate with anyone, but now it was as if his body was moving on auto pilot. Thrusting, moaning, and kissing like a top notch adult film actor!

It was only after the most satisfying hour off passionate love making that he managed to come down from that high. The next few minutes were furious explanations and apologies, that were immediately shushed by who Reggie later learned was Roth! The former nerd couldn’t believe his straight best friend who played football and was a notorious ladies man was this incredibly cute African American twink who he’d just been inside of! Not to mention the glasses and Pokémon necklace completing the whole new nerdy look!

 And when Reggie finally got a good look at himself there was no trace of the former nerd. Hard muscles and broad shoulders were the only thing anyone would see when they stared at him now. That and a handsome face, framed perfectly with his new Asian features. People would say he could be a model with that physique and bone structure, but his shy nature wouldn’t call for anything more than attention from his soon to be boyfriend. 

Needless to say the rest was history. The two survived the strange transition from great shift craziness back to normal lives and had been living together and getting closer the entire time. Reggie as the newly Asian 6′2 fitness model. Roth as the nerdy 5′4 twink who had a knack for admiring his boyfriend’s body.

Soon the doorbell broke Reggie’s train of thought. “Oh that must be them! Mind taking the turkey out babe? I’m gonna get the door!” Reggie directed as he strode towards the doorway. When Reggie opened up he was greeted by the open smoldering smile of Chan.

“S’up guys. Great to see you. Looking good there Reggie. Guess I’m not the only one who’s been hitting the gym since the change! Now that I’m back in town maybe we can start working out again.” Chan smirked, his once thicker accent gone with time and apparently a new body.

Reggie simply hugged his friend still inwardly surprised. He’d kept up with Chan, but he hadn’t seen any pictures that would suggest he was now a white guy. Chan had been the second nerdiest of the group and a Chinese immigrant, originally meeting his friends when his parents moved for work. He stayed in college under a student visa and after they graduated was worried he’d be unable to continue living nearby when he couldn’t find work right away. Well then the shift happened landing him in the most American body he could think of with a thick East Coast accent!

“It was actually funny. When it happened I thought I was in some kind of dream, but it happened to be true. Once identities were being re-established I had to explain who I was and they had a hard time wanting to deport a guy who could barely speak Mandarin or Kantonese! Still sucks how I’m one of those guys who had that dang language aphasia post swap the prevents me from knowing words that my current body didn’t know.  But hey, I may not be a language major anymore, but I at least got some solid work! Have to hold back saying things like ‘forget about it’ these days. It’s like a weird verbal compulsion, y’know?” Chan explained as he got inside to greet Roth. 

Then the doorbell chimed once more and two larger men were there.

“Hey Reggie!... that is you right?” the first larger man said. The signature casual grin on that face was unmistakably Phil! There seemed to be no sign of his tall skinny friend who loved to smoke pot in the basement.  “Y-yeah. This is me. Wow Phil! It’s great to see you again. Come on in.” The larger man laughed. “Don’t worry. I’ve seen that face all around town when I re introduce myself to people! I know I’ve put on some weight since you last saw me. I’ve been embracing my new dad bod these days, especially my new appetite! When I first got into this guy I was surprised to say the least. Not every day you gain over 100lbs and are sitting in front of some corporate desk job. And I lost my long silky hair! But hey, I’ve got this kickass beard now and a beefier bod! Not bad being 6′4 with these huge thick feet. They’re size 15 if you can believe! And of course I’m at least not alone. Monty is in the same big guy boat as me.”

Phil stepped aside as if to hide the pretty obvious big guy behind him.

 “Yeah. Hi. Good to see you again Reggie. I take it Roth and Chan are already inside?” Monty asked. This larger guy looked less comfortable in his skin. Clothes clearly tight over his larger body.

“Yeah of course. They’re just in the kitchen. Dinner is about to be served soon.” Reggie explained as the two large bellies before him rumbled in excitement. “Gosh this embarrassing.” Monty winced. “I used to be the lean put together one of our group and now I can barely contain myself whenever someone mentions food.... a lot of things taste real good now... but I just can’t keep the weight off. I keep trying to do exercises and diets, but my self control isn’t what it used to be... but it’s at least good to see friends and... well Chan is always looking good these days.” Monty blushes. He was once a lean 5′10 with a runner’s build, and while he’d maintained his height it was now enlarged with a hefty coating of hair and fat.

Reggie wasn’t sure what to make of this but lead the two larger men to the table as Chan joined them. As the three friends caught up Reggie went back to the kitchen to see his smaller boyfriend struggling with taking the big turkey out of the oven. 

“Here let me lend you a hand.” Reggie offered as he effortlessly grabbed some oven mitts and lifted the meal with ease.

“Thanks babe,” Roth smiled. “I forget I’m not as strong as I used to be. Chan offered to do some workouts later this week. Maybe I’ll join him! Get some of my old physique back.” Roth patted his lean arms of non existent muscle. 

“I’d love that Roth. You’re the one who showed me how to maintain this body while the world was still going mad. I couldn’t have got through all that without you.” Reggie admitted with a blush.

“Hey, we got each other through all that.” Roth pulled his boyfriend in for another one of their legendary kisses, both men feeling the other stir with pleasure. When they release Roth smirked. “Now how about we get out there and serve them a delicious meal.” Reggie nodded excitedly and the two came out with the food.

It was clear for anyone at the table to see that Chan and Monty were making eyes at each other, but even that was broken when the food was placed and the feast began.

“Had anyone heard from Joey? I was hoping he’d come by too.” Roth asked as he passed the mashed potatoes. 

“Oh you hadn’t heard?” Chan said. “Joey is going by Joseph now. He’s been all over social media ever since he turned into that hot straight guy. Look here’s his latest post.” Chan produced his phone and showed them a classic social media post with a cringe caption.

“Thankful for my busty babe Jessica for snapping me before my morning workout in Milan. #blessed #truefriends”

“Woah is that really Joey?” Reggie stared wide eyed. The Joey he knew was an outspoken gay man who was advocating for rights, while attending Pride! He was a shorter guy who had no problem grabbing people’s attention too. Granted he knew he was a bit of a horny twink at times, but still. The guy he was seeing seemed to post countless shirtless pics with beautiful women left and right. His latest post suggested he was traveling abroad with a collection of different hot women offering him places to stay throughout his trip.

“It really is. I tried to get him to come but he just said he had more babes to meet up and knew we’d understand.” Chan scoffed with disappointment.

Roth just shook his head. “What a jerk. Guess some people really let the shift change em for the worse.”

“Aw come on. Let’s not let o’l joey get us down.” Phil said patting the smaller guy on the back, nearly knocking him off the chair. “We got a whole table to be thankful for this year! And i’m not talking just about the food!” 

They all laughed, comforted by Phil’s familiar light heartedness. “I’m just saying. We survived a weird time in human history and are still friends. I’m real lucky to have you guys here and wouldn’t change it for the world.”

“Now that sounded like a cheers. How about we raise a glass?” Monty suggested.

“I like the sound of that.” Chan nodded as he held Monty’s thick hand under the table, causing both men to blush.

“To the people in our lives! And the one’s we’re lucky enough to call friends!” Phil cheered.

“Cheers!” “Salud!” “Here here!”

The group of friends continued to eat happy for the things they could be thankful for and were hoping for even more moments like this to share.

[strayflowersstarsandlove]

𝙴𝚢𝚎𝚜 𝚆𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚞𝚝 - a Han Jisung short au!fanfic

PART 5

💫PART 6💫

Driving to Felix's place to drop him off feels a little nerve wracking. You try your best to keep a neutral look on your face and nod along whatever he's saying, low fi music playing in the background helping you fill in the gaps in between your chats so it doesn't get too silent and awkward.

Felix being Felix tries to hold your hand at a red light a few times while it's idle, and you adore his delicate touch, usually, but after last night's events you feel so deeply bad for him every little touch of the skin urges a lump to rise up in your throat. Guilt. Slowly but surely obstructing your airways.

Once you park in his driveway you sigh quietly, slight relief, very slight relief. The blue haired boy hesitates before opening the car door on his side, he turns to you with sad, puppy eyes: "darling is everything okay? You've been so quiet yet so jumpy". Now what are you supposed to say to that? Of course he would ask, of fucking course.

Your swallow the strain in your voice and smile weakly at him, even daring to grab his hand and patting it gently as to reassure him, "I haven't slept much, I'm a little bit restless, that's all, don't you worry your pretty little fairy head", you joke and he smiles, it doesn't fully reach his eyes but it's a start. He reaches forward over the console to give you a hug and the minute his arms are around you you know you're going to burst into tears.

Resting your chin on his shoulder, you squeeze your eyes shut, everything in you screaming to hold back those pesky little droplets at the corners of your eyelids. "Rest up okay? Please text me once you get home so I know you're safe", he says quietly, rubbing your back soothingly, and you nod vigorously for you're afraid he's going to hear the emotion on your voice if you dare speak more than a few words.

Your home feels hollow and cold, daunting even. Much like your body. Funny how things work out, in the span of 24 hours you went from being surrounded by other warm bodies, kissing your friends left and right, feeling Han's skin so close to yours the memory of your muscles still buzzes at the thought, to now being completely alone. Alone with your thoughts, most of all.

You slump down on your couch and close your eyes. The fresh images of last night still cursing through your mind. It all happened so fast you still find it difficult just to grasp what happened. Han. Han happened. If kissing your friends kindled a light, warm fickle in your chest, kissing Han felt like being on fire. He ignited you from the inside out, took back his rightful place in your heart and your head like he never left to begin with.

Cause he didn't, in fact, he never left.

Moving in auto pilot, your fingers unlock your phone and start typing:

Today :[3.55 pm] From: y/n to: Han

i didn't see you this morning before I left with Felix. Are we going to talk about what happened last night

[4.12 pm] From: Han to: y/n

feel like utter shit today, don't have the energy to. Raincheck?

[4.13 pm] From: y/n to: Han

tomorrow then

[5.08 pm] From: Han to: y/n

yeah

September. Monday, 9 :[1.03 pm] From: y/n to: Han

hey, are you up already?

[3.16 pm] From: y/n to: Han

guess not

September. Tuesday, 10 :[5.19 pm] From: y/n to: Han

i tried to call you this morning.. are you okay?

[11.21 pm] From: y/n to: Han

i hate doing this as much as the next person, i promise, but ignoring me won't solve a thing

[11.23 pm] From: y/n to: Han

i can't talk to you and i can't talk to Felix and it's driving me insane

September. Friday, 13 :[12.43 pm] From: y/n to: Han

this is so unfair, Han. I don't know what i did to deserve this you can be mad at me but at least fucking let me know if you're okay

The familar ringtone resounding loudly in your otherwise silent bedroom startles you awake. Is it still night? Is it morning yet? Is it noon already? A phone call, you think in your still hazy state. A phone call. Han. HAN.

You scramble to reach your phone as it rings and vibrates on your nightstand, the back of your hand hitting against the drawer making you splutter a cuss word when you can't properly reach your phone. "Hello?", "good morning sunshine!". 

Your heart sinks deep within your chest. You exhale. The only other person you haven't heard from in a while is Felix. Currently on the other end of the line, the joyful brightness in his voice so apparent even through the speakers. You had tried to keep your conversations with him to the bare minimum ever since the infamous night, it's been a week already filled with despair, emptiness, confusion.

You long for your friendly dates with him, your casual hangouts or just the long after work calls where you talked about anything and everything. Hearing the deep husk in his voice after so long makes you feel so warm yet so miserable at the same time. You could tell he was eager to talk to you, to see you, to have just a little bit of you for the shortest amount of time.

It's like you had woken up all of the sudden and started noticing all the little things that gave him away, all the little details that clearly highlighted how much he cared for you and you couldn't just unsee them. You were now hyper aware of his feelings and terrified of hurting them. Talking to him now felt like walking on eggshells, which is the worst considering how easy and flowing your conversations usually were before Han had you pry your eyes wide open.

"H-hello, good morning", you mumble tiredly, rubbing your eyes with your knuckles, "did I wake you up?", he asks giggling, your heart breaking with every little high pitched sound he makes, "it's okay my alarm was just about to go off, anyway", "haven't seen you in a bit, I'm sorry I have been so busy with work! how about we go for a walk and your favourite frozen yogurt place to make up for that later today?".

Of course he would feel bad, sorry even, of course he would apologize first for being busy when you have been the actual distant one this whole time. You have to swallow down the lump in your throat and muster up everything in you not to burst into tears right then and there, you're dying to see him and talk to him and give him the biggest hug but you find yourself at such a crossroad with your situation with Han and your feelings for him you have no idea how to go about it.

You have no idea if Han even meant half the things he said, considering how he was now blatantly ignoring you.

"Oh.. I'm so sorry Lix, I have... a few errands to run that piled up over the course of the week, I-I've been picking up extras shifts at work and-and yeah. I can't make it. I'm sorry". LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE. The distant mocking chant replaying in the back of your head rings too loud right now. He doesn't deserve this. Not in the slightest. You hate lying to him and you hate knowing you might be hurting him double the amount with you avoiding him with the lamest excuse.

"That's okay". Felix sounds slightly disappointed, rightfully so, and the brief puse in your conversation makes you want to bite off your fingers, swallow your own fist out of both anger and misery, mostly at yourself, in part at Han as well. "Hey are you sure you're alright? We haven't talked much these days and... I don't know... I guess you are really busy", he says softly, you can hear him fidgeting with something in his hands, switching his phone from one side to the other, as though he's putting you on speaker, waiting for you to talk his ear off.

How much you wish you could tell him. How badly you wish you could confíde in him, recount the events of that strange, god forsaken night and tell him you've never felt this strongly about someone yet so confusedly at the same time. How you feel like you're going insane cause you haven't been able to stop thinking about it all, how all of your memories with his best friend are constantly replaying in your head at night, before going to bed, and they all swirl together in one big blob that eventually bursts into fire, the flames licking up at your body, your fingers tracing the invisible tracks Han left on them.

"I'm alright". Lying through gritted teeth. "I'm - I'm going to sort this out". Fakely reassuring yourself. "We'll catch up soon, I promise". Making promises that you can't keep. LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE.

🥀PART 7

[rosewolfs-world]

Colourful (Pt 6)

Young Toshinori x Fem OC

Warnings: alcohol, drugs, SA, traumatic shock, and discussions thereof

Part 5: The Great Awakening

Year 5

☀️ Three months, Toshinori remembered. Three months since he’d been checked out of the hospital. Three months since Hinata had guided him home and lost him with the words “I found someone.” Three months since Toshinori first met the oft-mentioned ‘Jason’. He seemed like a decent guy; calm, cool, collected--if a little pessimistic. It makes sense... Toshinori supposed Hinata would be attracted to someone who was as straightforward as she is. But, sensical or not, missed opportunities never hurt any less. The young hero sighed. I’m too sober to be thinking about this. 

💡 “So, do you drink coffee or tea?” 

“Neither.” 

“Really? Okay, uhm, what’s your favourite kind of soup?” 

“Tomato.” 

“Ah, so no ramen or chicken noodle?” 

“Nah, not my thing.”

 Old conversations replayed over and over in Hinata’s mind as she scanned her pantry. Jason doesn’t drink tea, so chamomile will have to be off the menu this evening. She mused. Red wine with pasta, maybe? Ugh, but I’m fresh out of tomato juice. Damn.

☀️ Hours pass by. The tide of patrons in the bar slowly begins to rise as the sun keeps sinking beneath the rim of his glass. Toshinori doesn’t bother to glance at his watch anymore. His face feels warm despite the loss of the sun—something prickles down the hero’s spine. The warmth makes him slowly notice the new presence that just joined him at the bar. “Hey there, big guy,” A husky, American accent drawls up beside him with a smirk. “Mind if I join you?” 

💡 Damn. The only groceries I have left are for--Hinata closes her eyes with a sigh. --Ramen it is. Closing the cupboards behind her, her body operates almost on auto-pilot. Rolling up her sleeves, she’s surprised to find herself checking for stains. Hinata shakes her head a little. Snap out of it. Toshinori is the messy cook, not me. Not to mention Jason hardly cooks at all. Ignoring the Rolodex of memories in her mind, Hinata takes all the various vegetables out of the fridge and sets to work. 

☀️ The next drink to pass Toshi’s lips tastes bitter, more so than he’s used to. American drinks aren’t all that great, but they do the trick. Toshinori sets his glass aside for a moment--and is surprised to realise he can’t tell his arm from his sleeve. He can barely distinguish the wood grain beneath his palm. His new drinking buddy *leans* into his space to scan his expression. “Heh, you don’t look so good, big guy--” He drawls, his voice turned to a low, gravelly purr. “You want me to walk you home?”

���Nonono, this quite alright,” Toshinori tried dismissing courteously, fumbling out of his bar stool. “Bitta fresh-air by ma-self should be alright in time.” He just spun towards the door before the American slung an arm over his shoulders.  

“Ah, don’t be like that, big boy,” the young man persuaded the beer on his breath doing nothing to derail Toshi’s growing dizziness. “Come on, lemme help you. Mano-y-mano. I help you, and you help me. How does that sound?” 

💡 All through the afternoon, Hinata could see from her window as clouds poured in from the east. They were rolling in like a stampede of shadows looking to conquer the setting sun. The farther the sun fell, the darker the world became. She could feel the weight in the air, the oncoming storm. The building pressure felt almost akin to a pot of water slowly coming to a boil on the stove. 

☀️ Next thing he knew, Toshinori had his back to a brick wall. The American’s lips tasted of cheap ale and smoke.  Where an arm used to be wrapped around his shoulders, a rough-skinned palm was now tearing his shirt at the seams, yanking the hem from his trousers. No...Toshinori fumbled in the dark, trying to find an anchoring point to push this man away. But his bones had no aim. His muscles had lost their strength. Repeated buzzing tones echo in the alleyway. Two different rhythms vibrate through him. No-- he nearly gagged as a foreign tongue assaulted his throat. 

💡 No matter what she did, Hinata could not take her eyes away from the shadowy window.  The storm still lurked high above her, like a predator waiting to strike. Her body rolled with the motions of cooking as if on auto-pilot. Bit out of season, she thought, shuffling ingredients from the cutting board to her boiling soup. Hinata licked her lips. Maybe it’s somebody’s quirk?  Jason hasn’t called. No one’s paged me from the hospital yet.  The young medic pursed her lips at the thought. Her mind drifted to the discarded boxes underneath her bathroom sink. She shook the image away. All there was left to do was turn away.  If Toshinori needs me, he’ll let me know. If not him, then David will. Hinata pulled her phone from her purse and placed it on the counter beside her. Just in case...

☀️ The man’s grip was surprisingly firm, with a palm clenching the crux of his trousers and an arm tightening around his waist like a boa constrictor. The young hero felt an overwhelming uneasiness roiling through his gut, alien and unnerving. Toshinori clenched his eyes shut. No, don’t...Everything within him was recoiling. He could feel himself falling like a puppet with its strings cut. No, stop--Falling into imprints, memories, and broken thoughts he didn’t know he had. No more! Getaway! Anything to flee as far as he could from the sensations--of violation. No. No--no more--get away--stop, get--NO! 

💡 The storm broke. And the rest of hell came with it. All sunlight had been entirely swallowed by the sea. The sky was swamped with thick, black coils of clouds that engulfed the stars. Hinata gazed up at the concerning sight with a slight tremor in her breath. Where is he? She glanced at her phone on the counter. The plastic stick in her pocket suddenly burned like a hot iron brand. Jason’s not answering. Toshinori isn't--why is he not answering? Thunder boomed, and lightning flashed. Hinata’s fingers clenched the edge of the counter. Come on, where are you?

☀️ It was as if a grenade had burst in his chest. Embedding shrapnel in his every nerve till it ached-pounded- crackled, and burned. He could hear the electricity, the blood and breath roaring in his ears. A rushing tidal wave screamed through every fibre of his being as he opened his eyes and shoved the first obstacle in his sight. The block collided against something with a hard CLANG! His blue eyes burned electric. Everything was blurred.  Run. He had to run. Out, off, up, away, somewhere, somewhere safe. Go to her...then he leapt.

💡 Wind whipped at the windows. Untouched Tupperware loitered beside a pot of cooling ramen. Branches rattled and cracked in the streets below. I don’t understand. Hinata grit her teeth. Two little lines flared across her vision, burned on the backs of her eyes.  Jason’s not home, and no one’s answering their phone. What is going on? Petals, leaves, litter and newspapers dashed through the skies like frightened birds tossed about in the gale. Hinata stared into the horizon. Water gushed from the faucet, but the sponge in her hands was almost forgotten. Her insides gnarled and tangled together like brambles. This isn’t California weather. Where is this coming from? 

☀️ So much of the journey was a blur. He remembered leaping into the air. Then the clouds burst. Water came pouring down, icy cold daggers slicing at his exposed skin and soaking his clothes. If he crashed on the landing, he could barely even feel it. No other sights or sounds registered to him except the collapsed body in the alleyway and the roaring of blood in his ears. The only thing that cut through the haze was the sound of Her voice-- 

💡 A loud BANG on her door jolted her nerves with a yelp. What the hell?! All her past worries were forgotten. Hinata dashed towards the sliding glass door, barely daring to part the curtains. The head of a scrambled golden mane was a dead giveaway. She yanked the door open. A ragged and heaving Toshinori stood on her balcony,  his civilian clothes all torn to hell and--are those-are those bruises?! Hinata’s breath hitched. Her curtains thwapped and fluttered in the tangle of the storm. She didn’t know whether it was her panic or her training that caused her to snap:  

☀️💡  “Jesus Christ, Toshinori, did you get in a fight?! Come inside, you big lug. You’ll freeze to death!”

☀️  If it weren’t for her well-worn hand tugging at his, he might not have moved. But she pulled him inside anyway. She closed the door behind her as softly as she could. The wind howled outside the windows in silence. One lithe, wrinkled finger lifted to her lips, motioning for silence. He nodded, still slightly blurred. Her bare feet tapped against the linoleum as she walked to her kitchen. Metal tapped metal as she scooped something from a large red pot on the stove. Hinata’s golden eyes fluttered back to him. “You hungry? Made your favorite.” Toshinori sucked in a breath. Suddenly he could smell it. She must have seen the revelation somewhere in his expression. Her soft smile was like a faint ray of sunshine in the dark. 

💡 Soon enough, Hinata had her old friend seated on her couch, with a bowl of ramen and a cup of tea on the coffee table. Heaps of freshly dried towels now blanketed his body. He’d shied away when she tried to remove his wet clothes for some reason. All she could do was the next best thing. --She had hoped she’d never see him like this again. It wasn’t his hero costume that was torn up. There was no blood on his hands. But that was never what bothered her in the first place. It was this sudden...lifelessness. Conscious but completely unresponsive. He did as he was prompted, barely, but otherwise didn’t speak a word. I don’t know--Hinata knew her hero had his shadows. But those moments were rare, dark and deep.  --How do I reach him? 

☀️ Rain clattered against the windows in the absence of his voice. Toshinori knew that he should speak. He knew that he should say something--something to alleviate the flickering candle of worry flaring in those golden eyes. Something to ease the fearful creases folding the corners of her eyes and lips. But there was a knot in his throat that he couldn’t seem to swallow. If the dam broke, he wasn’t sure what would come out or if he wanted it to. Behind his eyes, all he could see was that pock-marked American’s face gone slack against the dumpster. Underneath his skin, all he could feel was a coarse hand grinding his sleeves against him. The hero suppressed a shudder. Shameful. The word reverberated between his ears like an echo chamber. Shameful.

💡 Chopsticks rolled idly between his fingers. Hinata couldn’t stop glancing at them. Though her hands were busy sipping tea and patching bruises, her fascination with those chopsticks was the only thing distracting her from anxiety. His fingers moved, but his eyes were still so far away. He never used to do that before.  She scanned the various scrapes and tears in his clothes. His shirt was all the worse for wear; threaded lacerations on the back, the hems at his shoulders were torn, and more than half the buttons snapped off--What the hell happened? 

☀️ Her touch was cool. He registered that now; beyond the cocoon of warm towels--this touch was familiar. Even without closing his eyes, he knew exactly what her quirk felt like.  Tendrils of gold would bloom beneath his skin. Tingling warmth like sunlight would curl around every cut and bruise like a soft embrace. Goodness knows she’d healed his hurts more times than he could count--even supplementing his healing when he was in the hospital. Bringing him back to life as if she were reviving a dying flower. The image made his stomach sink. How pitiful. Toshinori sighed. After this...her kindness will only be out of pity.

💡She glanced up at his still-empty expression. His cheeks were slack and lifeless. His mouth reminded her too much of a flatline in the operating room. And his eyes--his eyes were fogged over like the bodies in the morgue. Her chest ached. She reached for him, her ragged palm caressing his chilled skin before she could stop herself. Toshinori flinched. Hinata retracted immediately. “Sorry! I, uhm...Toshinori?”

☀️ Toshinori glanced at her from the corner of his eye. He couldn’t turn to face her. Not completely. It took all his willpower not to curl his head between his knees, encasing himself in his own shadow. Keep it together, he told himself sternly. You’re still a hero. Stay strong. His shoulders stiffened.--Am I? Can I call myself a hero after--? That prone body, those wandering hands--bile coated the back of his throat. Toshinori grimaced. A smile would be of no use to him now. Another failure. Dammit. 

💡 Hinata worried her lip for a moment. It seemed as if Toshinori’s thoughts were running away without her. His expression transformed in a million tiny ways, even as he refused to thoroughly look at her. Moving much slower than before, the young medic dared to tuck a lingering band of scrambled hair behind his ear. His very being stilled. Vibrant blue eyes seemed even sharper now, a hawk on the alert--a creature wary of danger. Dear god, I’m going to regret this... Hinata took a deep breath. But I’m not sure what else to do…Her fingers curved around his ear to cup the side of his face. She couldn't take it anymore if he recoiled from her touch. “Talk to me, Hero-kun...kudasai.”

☀️ Six words--and the damn broke. Toshinori swallowed. The knot in his throat unravelled. Before he knew it, all of his insides were spilling out; thoughts, emotions, sensations he could hardly bear to recall and describe, everything gushed forth. The tide was no longer restrained...it was too strong to hold back now. Before he knew it, he was swept away. Salty tears stung his eyes, rushing down his face like water over rocks. His voice gargled and crashed against his teeth like surf clashing with a cliffside. He could feel himself rocking back and forth like waves on the sand, but he didn’t know how to stop it. All he could do was talk and cry and remembered--pouring out all those blurred memories until the words finally dried up. 

💡All the while, Hinata listened. There was so much pouring out of him at once. It was all she could do to try to absorb the downpour. Drinking at a bar, he says, American strangers, bitter drink, dizziness, nausea--actions and symptoms and reactions stack on top of one another. She can see the list in her mind as if she were holding her hospital clipboard. Drinking. Drugs. Manipulation--from there, his story fumbles, scrambling in a million different directions. To any stranger, such trembling, traumatised ramblings may have been lost in confusion and chaos. But after so many years, Hinata could see exactly what Toshi was seeing behind his drowning eyes.  Her chest burned. Her knuckles curled. Everything within her sank to the floor in abject horror. My god…

☀️ When his voice finally gave out, he still couldn’t look at her. Her palm felt like a cool anchor against his burning, dampened cheek. Her fingers had curled into the wild hairs at his temples. Her scarred thumb brushed back and forth in a rhythm, catching every tear that fell. What I’d give...Toshinori let out a shuddering breath...and what for?  His shoulders sagged. This is all my own doing. Going to that bar was a mistake, drinking away petty jealousy and self-pity--stupid. There was nothing more he could say. There was nothing more he could give. Petty. Reckless. --Stupid. Pathetic.

💡 “Don’t you dare,” Toshinori glanced up, surprised by the sound of her voice. Hinata refused to be cowed by those big, watery eyes. “I know that look of yours,” she said, wiping the sheen of tears from under his eyes. “Something bad happened to you. It is not your fault. Not one bit.” Ever so gently, she dabbed the remaining water trails with the hem of a towel. She met his gaze directly. “It’s gonna take time, healing always does, but that’s okay--” she parted the slinky strands of gold over his forehead. “You can take it easy now, Toshi. I’ve got you.”

☀️ Everything within him unravelled once again. Toshi bit his lip.  For the first time, he could command his arms to move, and they did. He clutched her worn, cold hands in his and kissed them. Clinging to an anchor in a windstorm, he could hear it. They were howling past the windows, whirling within his mind. His head fell forward onto their clasped hands. It took every bit of strength he had to find his words again. “Arigatō...Thank you.”

💡 They stayed clasped together for a long time. The next thing she knew, Hinata was awoken by a leather sole nudging between her shoulders. She groaned to awareness and turned to the source--Jason. Stern brows folded, Jason jerked his head away from the couch, and down towards their bedroom. Hinata nodded. Reluctantly stretching and rising from her makeshift campsite on the living room floor, Hinata followed her limping partner away from the snoozing blonde behemoth on her couch. As soon as the door closed behind them, Jason turned to her.

“What the hell is he doing here?”

“Good morning to you too, Grouchy Pants,” Hinata snarked, rubbing her eyes. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to tell you. But it was an emergency, and you weren’t home yet, and Toshi--”

“Emergency? What kind are we talkin’ about?”

As best she could--while still honouring Toshinori’s privacy--Hinata explained the trauma that had occurred the night before. Jason blinked a few times, his expression pinching further in on itself. He didn’t seem to get--

“Why didn’t he just fight back?”

At those words, Hinata stopped, froze--screeched to a mother-fucking halt. “What did you just say?”

☀️  Toshinori woke to the sound of muffled voices down the hall. Flickering to wakefulness with tired eyes, the young hero turned his head. The haphazard stack of pillows and blankets on the floor was glaringly empty. A little light that had begun to flicker in his chest last night--flickered out. She’s gone. The shadows he’d been able to quell that night returned. Without anything to keep them at bay, the ravenous memories already threatened to swallow him whole. It happened...His nightmare wasn’t just a dream. The sound of voices grew louder, more heated somewhere down the hall. Toshinori’s eyes widened. Jason. Hinata. Shit.

💡 “What did you just say?” The healer herself stood agape, staring at her partner as if he’d grown a pair of horns from his head. Jason, for his part, could think of nothing else to do. Her boyfriend shrugged. 

“Your friend is this big, buff guy. Why the hell didn’t he fight back?”

 “He is,” The words prickled like stinging nettles on the tip of her tongue. “He’s gonna have to fight it all back for the rest of his goddamned life.” 

Jason looked at her as if she were speaking in tongues. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

 Being a nurse-almost-doctor required a lot of things. Calm. Compassion. Self-discipline--all of which evaporated the moment those words left his lips. A fire crackled at the back of her throat. “Get out.”

☀️ Toshinori’s heart rattled like an anxious rabbit in his chest. Shit, Jason’s home. I’m not supposed to be here. Shit, Hinata slept with me, and now she’ll get in trouble. Shit, last night wasn’t a fucking a dream, and I was near--his thoughts scattered to the winds like petals in a rainstorm. He couldn’t even summon the courage to string together a single word, let alone any coherent thoughts. All he knew was that the voices in the other room were getting louder. As much as he didn’t want to intrude--without a distraction, he might just lose his god-damned mind. Jason’s shocked grunt was the first thing he heard:

“What?”

“You heard me. I said--Get. Out.” Hinata...

“Wait, what are you--”

Toshinori heard her familiar strides come slightly closer to the living room. The click of a doorknob, the creaking of hinges--What is she doing?  “I’m saying--Get out of my house, you ignorant, insensitive prick.”

Silence. Jason did not reply. Toshinori’s breath hissed between his teeth. Oh, that’s not good.

💡 There he stood. After all this time, Hinata was just now realising that her chosen boyfriend was dumb as a doornail. It was absurd. He was standing there, dull as a fencepost, staring at her like a startled pigeon. Worst of all, he wasn’t saying anything, not explaining himself, not asking questions, just--staring. Dumbly. In silence. Hinata’s blood boiled.  “Did I fucking stutter? Pack a bag and get out!”

☀️ A hurried shuffle of movement was heard rattling around in the far room. Hinata’s bedroom, Toshinori assumed. Soon enough, Jason hustled out the door as if a rabid dog were chasing him. Hinata stomped after the man like an angry bear. The door clicked open. He heard her screech echo down the hall--“And don’t come back until you get an education in empathy, you fucking jackass!” But all Toshinori saw when he lifted his head-- was Hinata shoving her boyfriend out before slamming and locking the door. She presses her back against it before sliding down to the floor.

💡 Head in her hands, Hinata could feel her temples throbbing. “Fucking American asshole, unbeleivable….” A distinct rustling could be heard from the couch in the corner of her eye. Ah, shit, I probably woke Toshi up with my shouting. Crap. She glanced over. Sure enough, she was greeted by the worst case of sexy bed hair she’d ever seen. Her breath hitched. “He-hey, Toshinori, you feelin’ alright?” He squinted at her from across the room.

 “I was about to ask you the same,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face. “I heard quite a bit of shouting just now. Is everything alright?”

Hinata brushed it off with a scoff and a shrug.  “That’s not important right now, Toshi. You’re my number one priority right now. Come on, let’s get you properly cleaned up.”

[wigglebox]

Holy shit. You had a job in news during THAT election, a death in the family, AND 15x18 all at the same time?!?!! Like… congrats on surviving that week?!?!!

I also worked in the news during the 2016 election and I stg I aged 20 years tbh

Hopefully I won’t be working in the news for the 2024 election lmao

Yeah and it was all during covid so basically it went:

November 1, grandmother dies

November 2, I can’t take time off because we were in game mode for election coverage of which I had to work 10 ish hours a day and my shifts started at 3 am. We had to be in game mode even harder because we were all working from home.

November 3, no presidential winner

November 4, I am informed my grandmothers funeral will be Saturday. Still no presidential winner.

November 5, SEVUHDDIUHVEIDVNWIUVDVFEHUIVERIUHVERIUHVSRNUI💚💙💚💙💙🌈💚💙💙💚💚🌈💫💙💙🌈💙💫💫🌈💙💙🌈💚💙💙. Memes, memes, no presidential winner, more memes, destiel destiel destiel destiel oh my god

November 6, DRUIHVEDOUHVEOUVDSOUDVEROUHDVSOUH 💙💚🌈🌈💙🌈💫💫💫🌈💚💙💙💚✨✨💚💚💚💙💚💫💚💫💚 I forget that my grandmothers funeral was the next day. Still no presidential winner

November. 7, OERJNFEROJNFEROGJNEROGJNEWEIJFNWRKFJNERKJFNEKJN 💚💚💙💫💫💫💚🌈💚✨💙✨💫🌈💙🌈💫💫💚💫💫💙💫💫✨💫✨. Im running on empty. Auto pilot. Still no presidential winner. Im on call if my coworkers need help if there’s a winner announced. I have to sit next to my cancer-ridden father in a Catholic Church for an hour with family members I can’t stand while we say bye bye to my grandmother.

Meanwhile all I have on my brain as the priest is speaking is “damn this church would be a cute setting for a destiel AU fic.” It’s rainbows in my head. I keep forgetting why I’m there.

Then, in the parking lot heading to my car, the associated press announces Joe Biden won the election

I literally will never experience an adrenaline streak like that probably ever again unless Jackles can get this continuation going and Destiel can solidify that reciprocation on screen (and maybe bone on the map table 🌈)

So yeah. It was a crazy week and I always classify it as the most insane week ever and possibly the best week ever and then I remember it was bookended by my grandmothers death and burial lmao

[dandeliicnsarchiived]

Long time no see

Hello everyone! I know it's basically been over a year and I have so much to catch you up on and give a little explanation as to why I went MIA on here and discord if you have me. So grab a snack, get some liquids and allow me to fill you in on what's been going on.

So, back in July I left my retail job for a federal job that had a night shift. I thought I could handle it. I did at first....for two weeks and then I was moved to night shift. 10pm to 6am, being an US Army veteran I thought I could handle it. I've done 24 hour duty, I've done 12 hour shifts I thought I could do it! Apparently not, my mental health was rapidly declining. I was struggling to maintain relationships, both my platonic friendship and my current romantic one. There was even some times I forgot I had a boyfriend and that was bad.

So I lasted 6 months, 6 months of the worlds worst work schedule and all my days running together and losing track of time. When I was on auto-pilot like that, I ended up in the hospital and I REFUSED to put my loved ones through that. I've been committed and I rather not do it again.

So end of November and December I focused on finding new jobs, focused on my family and loved ones and I bounced back but my muses were quiet. I didn't want to force replies or try to plot because y'all don't deserve that. So i decided to stay away and just try to get my groove back.

Now it's 2024 and I have a new job that I'm loving the idea of and it's a day shift job! I can have an amazing work balance and slowly but steadily, my muses are waking up but have to make some changes because I have so much to work on with the Atlas gang and I'd love for you guys to be here for it!

So with the blog, I'm going to focus more on writing instead of aesthetics. I want to share the world I'm trying to create for The World of Atlas and I want develop my babies so much. So what I'm going to be doing is the following:

Revamping bios and explaining things more in-depth lore-wise.

Changing some face claims.

focusing on Rosalie, Tyler, and Victoria, hinting at NPCs such as Claire, Natalie, Jackson, Axel, and Kelly. If people want to see what these guys are like, they can be requested but this will not be my main focus.

Focusing on abilities, world-building, and so on and so forth.

Developing more ships, platonic and romantic

If you made it this far, thank you for reading and sticking around even though I haven't been here like at all. I love you all, happy new year and here's to new beginnings. ♥

[navigatorwrongway]

okay finals week is over so here’s my ADHD online/remote student survival guide

1. This is the big one: if you’re stuck staring at a blank document that should be an essay by now, what you’re gonna do is turn off your brain and turn on your voice to text on your phone.

ideally, you should have at least one little guy (can be a figurine or stuffie or whatever) for moral support

just go on auto pilot about whatever your paper is supposed to be about. You can go back and neaten it up after you have some thing to neaten up, the point is get something down on the document to break the surface tension

I have speed-written so many essays using this strategy, you don’t even know



2. Get a floor pillow!! It will make your floortime so much more comfortable and sometimes doing work on the floor is necessary for your wellbeing i have this one and I slept on it for several weeks when I didn’t have a bed

just make sure it’s one you can stretch out on, belly flop style — those giant throw pillow-style ones are no good

3. For the love of all things holy go outside sometimes, open a window, anything to get fresh air will help

4. Find something you can have on in the background that will get your brain into over the optimal arousal threshold, I like Time Team and the Historical Farm series (both are on youtube)

5. i KNOW you’ve heard it before but you’re gonna hear it again use firefox and adblockers. Do it. I haven’t seen an ad on YouTube in two years and that could be you, too

6. Even if you can’t use one consistently, I hate to admit it, but a planner does actually help. It doesn’t have to be a planner planner, literally a notepad or stickynote where you write a to-do list and due dates next to the assignment is better than nothing. Black pen for everyday/general to-dos, red for the day it’s due

7. Alarms. Alarms for everything. I usually do three alarms for each class or assignment deadline; ten minutes before, four minutes before, and one minute before

8. Find a dopamine boost game that you can pop on for a second and jump off just as easily. I like dragcave.net because i can collect cute dragons but it doesn’t have any of the ‘drag you in and hold you down’ suction that mobile games do and I can put in as much or as little effort as I want (ie. no rewards for checking in every day, no time-out penalties, also free)

9. Work in daylight as much as you’re able to, lamp light if you must, and screen-only in a dark room as a last resort, your eyes and brain will thank you (see point 1 for alternative methods of essay writing at 10:37pm when there’s a midnight deadline)

10. If your school/institution has tutoring or workshopping resources, use them!! They help, both as an extra pair of eyes and as accountability prods; if you have an appointment to have your essay looked at BEFORE the eleventh hour, it can act as a little baby due date to get that deadline productivity magic working

11. Relatedly, research librarians are seriously SO helpful, see if you can get in touch with one.

12. Find a reason to visit campus every so often, if you don’t have any in-person classes. It’s wild how much the “I am a student, I rightfully belong here” feeling can do to strip away that plastic remote learning vibe

13. Seriously just try point 1 it will make the ‘getting started on essays’ part of your life so much less painful

(And please feel free to add on your own tactics!!)

[clairekim424]

11/14 daily tumblr

It is currently 1:05PM on Monday, November 14. 

9:30AM - 12:45PM: I got a little over 3 hours of sleep. I needed to catch up on homework and content so I stayed up, but I’m starting to regret it. 

1:15PM - 5:00PM: During this time, I had online lab sections. Normally they would be in person, but because of the strike they got moved to online. 

5:30PM: I called a friend and talked. 

6:30PM: I plan on getting dinner at B-plate with my pledge siblings Margaret and Charlotte.

For the remainder of the night, I need to get work done. 

Rate and Reflection: 7/10. Today was a busy day. I feel really tired at the moment, but I know I’ll get through the day. It’s not a feeling of exhaustion, but rather feeling like a zombie. I feel like I’m on auto-pilot mode and can’t “be in reality.” Thinking about it and writing this down it’s actually quite funny to me. I’m telling myself to push through this week, and I hope I’m getting enough rest to get by. I hope the rest of the day I'm more productive because I feel like I've done nothing so far.

[sizeableseashell]

2024/6/24

The only thing I know is writing. It's the only thing that keeps me alive and sane. I'm reading my old blog from over a decade ago when I was in high school. It makes me so mad. I was such a happy and optimistic kid despite the stress, the depression, and the debilitating loneliness.

I always assumed I was the one in the wrong. That I was small when others were big, an opinion contrary to the ocean of bigness I felt inside me. Perhaps I was perceiving the world, the power of the world, and I was letting it all flow through me. Every Warlock-Cleric needs a patron. I feel really sad reading about my sexual confusion at the time, too. I had a lot of internalized homophobia. I clearly loved Y very much. A very strong, self-sacrificing kind of love.

In one of my blog posts, I mused about how while having a closeted crush on her is hard, dating her would be harder. I think/know things have changed a lot since. People are more accepting now, and if I went to high school in contemporary times, I'd probably feel more comfortable with my sexuality. -------

Right now, I'm dating a guy, Elliot. He's kind, soft, and attentive, but he has horrible plaque built up around his teeth. I've been dating him for months, and tonight was the first time I really saw it.

It wasn't just that that I saw. Elliot is stuck. So am I. We are both stuck in cycles that only we have the power to break.

I should talk about my own cycle first. I explained it to Elliot- I'm stuck on these 24-hour loops where I don't really examine where I'm going. I just focus on whatever is exciting/urgent in the next 24-48 hours.

To be completely frank, the future scares me. So does actively pursuing what I love. The thought of failure scares me. I fear I'll try and reach, but I won't touch. Settling and becoming an educator scares me, but what's even scarier is the daily reality of not pursuing what I love with ferocity and purpose.

What I love is writing. I want to be a writer for plays, television, and movies. I could become an elementary school teacher and be okay with that if I worked diligently toward my passions. But here I am, young, with a lot of time that I'm not using. I'm scared of forward momentum, and I'm unsure why. I'm scared of being seen and recognized. I'm scared of my life speeding up and not being able to slow it down again.

I have things I know I "should" do, but I don't. Usually it takes concerted effort.

I'm on a soft auto-pilot right now. I'm not really living, though I'm alive.

My boyfriend is stuck because he's poor. But sometimes, his reasoning seems circular to me. He has gingivitis because he doesn't floss. He doesn't want to start flossing until he sees a dentist. He can't afford a dentist.

He gets a job with benefits, but they likely won't cover complete dental work. So he'll have to save up to get his teeth checked.

He can't save up because he has to pay rent and groceries, and he also wants to go see his favourite bands, buy a new TV, and go out for dinner with me.

He wants to go to school to get a better job, but he'll have to take on student loans which will require more debt. He doesn't want to do that. He can't advance his career.

To be fair, a lot of that sounds like money problems, and that's not the same as circular reasoning. Also, it's important to temper "pulling yourself up by the bootstraps" with regard to the constraints of capitalism.

But I get this sense that he, too, is stuck. Somehow, there's a thing—a barrier—a ceiling that we perceive but don't know how to name or dislodge- beyond money and time.

I so badly want to fix him. I want to sit him on the counter, peel back the plaque, use a water pick, and make him gargle mouthwash. I want to send him to the gym, send him to school, and get him to do something radical, like move to an affordable city.

I want to peel him away from his PS4, and his phone and supplement that time with practicing music.

---

And then there's the question of my sexuality. Am I gay? To be frank, I'm tired and don't really feel like dissecting this right now.

The question of "am I gay?" feels hollow.

What I know is I liked lying with Elliot tonight, under the pink of his multi-hue mood light. I liked his feet (also disfigured by some childhood malady) next to my head and my feet (perfect, pale, and narrow) next to his head. I liked sitting up and kissing him slowly. I'm more aware now of what plaque and gingivitis might taste like (blech), but it's not bad overall. I'm not really selling this heterosexuality thing, am I?

I like Elliot. I like Elliot a lot.

And I wish his teeth were perfect.

[chibabymumma]

I have spent countless long days and nights sitting here outside the hospital, while the little lion sleeps. Watching the sky, searching for signs he's going to be ok, this photo was during a particularly brutal, vicious virus that was unknown, it attacked little lions lungs so hard he was blue lighted straight into reus. There are many times I have literally nearly peed myself in fear since having little lion, this was one of those times, mega nebulisers were not working, the drs panicked called down anesthetic Specialists ready to intubate him, they put the wee soul on high flow oxygen and finally after days he slept. I came outside for a cigarette and pleaded with my Dieties to help him, help me be strong, when inside I'm a nervous wreck too frightened to do anything, but I do, I don't know how it happens it is as if I go into a strange auto pilot. "He needs me" is all I think. Through the countless sleepless days and nights "he needs me" is this incredible driving force that pushes you forward, when your soul is so tired, you haven't eaten for days , survived on coffee, cigarettes and prayers. "He needs me" is the only fuel I have, it floods deep into my bones and I hear it on repeat in my head "he needs me" and I sit by his bedside, most of the time in anguished silence, me and his Dad, I remember this night so vividly, he was finally starting to he stable the high oxygen flow and mega nebulisers were pushing through his tired sore lungs, and he had fallen asleep, his Dad was with him and i quietly crept out, i promised Sam my other son i would call him at 3 am for work, Sam was so tired he had covered his Dad's shifts while he wss at the hospital as they both work at the same place. He was frightened he would oversleep. I sat in the dark, under the gloomy lights of the hospital, praying and searching the sky. I literally had to crawl back in. By this point I had slept a minimum of 3 hours a day for over a week. I walked in and see little lion sat up in bed, brimming with excitement to see me, his poor Dad had crashed out in the chair next to him. His face beamed with a smiles and he was flapping his arms in excitement, he only does this with Hey Duggee!

"what are you doing awake?"

I was so delighted to see him like that, I rushed over to him, pulled him in my arms and held him, he carried on flapping and then bit me so I knew he was feeling better by this point. I called Sam and crawled into the hospital bed with little lion and finally we all slept. Little lion stayed in hospital this time for 6 days.

[recordstellar-official]

A Sword Through the Fog

Scene 6: The Knight of Fog

Y 227 2nd Unity,9th of Thermidore

The morning fog was dense and Juhn sat in the pilot's cabin of his auto-carriage seething. "Damned mists," he muttered as he slammed his gloved fists on the steering column. His tank of flummogsten had just been filled and he'd have to drag out the ol' girl. She needed a rest but the weather was forcing his hand. With two hours of prep later, Cinnamon was steadily pulling the non-functioning auto-carriage along. With Gregory guiding the old girl, Juhn sat himself in the back beside his sister and their closest friend in Feygard.

Up on top inside one of the storage chests, sat Dorathi. Hidden from her cousins, she contemplated the mission the WSE had assigned for her. A thud broke her concentration as her head bumped against the side as an auto-carriage wheel ran over a pothole with enough force to knock all of the group's supplies overboard. Dorathi had to hand it to Juhn; he knew how tie a good knot, he and his sister. But what would you expect from veteran adventurers? In all honesty, Dorathi had never been on an adventure herself. Mainly assignments - but they were straight forward. She'd teleport in and out, with no opportunity to explore or experience the many landscapes and cultures. She ruminated on the many assassinations she'd took part in. Mainly novice necromancers or those who worked with them. Sometimes the undead themselves. Dorathi chewed on some seeds. Pumpkin, sunflower, flax, and walnut chunks. It made for good birdseed. Especially when you added bits of stone. She listened closely, waiting for a sign that the carriage was rolling to a stop. Sensing that it was slowing down after what seemed like five minutes, she opened the suitcase and crawled out. They had arrived at the international skyport, off in Baldwin Port, a large city in the northernmost edge of Inthal. Rolling off the back, she clutched the bottom axle, making sure her cloak didn't drag onto the mud. She heard a mix of clicking and laughter.

Abstoanarchuud (Aahb-sto-ahn-R-cood), the occult language of the Palkites. It was especially effective at banishing evil. It was especially loud. Dorathi allowed the clicking and loling inside her head to continue unanswered. Her fellow operatives knew what she was up to; they were planning out their patrol of the airship yard. It was their job to make sure none of the Vashtnal cult operatives were able to get near or at least harm any of the three elven adventurers headed to Brightspire. Wöd had done his part to make sure that Raina had gotten to Aquilheim. It was Dorathi's job to make sure they got to Brightspire and through Brightspire. All without garnering the attention of the two cults that had sprouted there. She had made sure Raina got the owl, but it wouldn't be enough protection until they got to Eirstead. Added to the threat that the cults in Brightspire were the Adrubbahkites and their spy network. It was annoying and effective enough to keep up with Lialka's movements without her noticing. What had their attention wasn't her potential to thwart the Q'dauruhk, but her connection to Dreyus, a man they wished to manipulate. A man Dorathi feared they knew how to control. A man Dorathi knew only thought about control. An actual five minutes passed, and finally the auto-carriage door opened. Juhn's boots were the first to hit the ground. Lialka's came next followed by a more gentle landing from Raina. He must have lifted her off of the carriage. Juhn, you make it so obvious, she thought to herself. Tsk, tsk, at this rate you might as well assume the position. Dorathi waited a good two minutes as she watched the three walk off. When she was certain they were too far to reasonably hear, she started clicking and cackling...'Eagles gone nest,' Dorathi clicked and hahed. 'Ok. I go stalk them now.' Wöd. 'Lialka knows I'm here. But she not go tell. She seek hard.' 'Ok. Hide hard then. I ask thing.' 'Ask thing.' 'Why Lialka not know more.' 'Plan not work if she know.' 'Ok.' Dorathi crawled back up to the back of the carriage before climbing down. She waited before the baggage handler arrived. It was Gusc, a gnome.

"Dorathi."

"Mr. Areh. If you could hand me my suitcase."

"Of course, milady," Gusc replied. He clapped his hands as two robed figures jumped out from the shadows.

"Get Ms. Einthael her equipment for this assignment." The two men nodded as they grabbed the suitcase Dorathi had hidden herself in. Bringing it to her, they waved their hands over it. Dorathi opened the chest and pulled out a crossbow.

Alongside it were cold-iron bolts.

"Good against Arnd'thuul. But be wise with them. The only known Cold-iron deposits exist on the continent of Chianglong. In a land known as Hylsphan." Dorathi nodded. She equipped her items, taking two canisters sitting in the chest as well.

"For taking on large groups of opponents. We'll make sure to drop you some more every 2 months. Use them wisely. They can't be made where you're going."

"Understood," Dorathi replied. She strapped the cobalt grenades onto her belt. And walked off.

Have yourself a good shift," she told Gusc as she calmly walked towards The Crossheart. She climbed up the side and undid a panel, crawling inside before sealing herself inside and redoing the insulation.

[debaroohoo]

This morning at work I started restoring a file at 6:50AM.

It’s now past 11PM.

It has been running for over half a day.

The file 4.5(ish)GB.

But that’s not the only restore I ran today. The two 250GB-300GB files? 30 minutes!!!

Why.

Seriously. Why.

I’ve restored other versions of the same file in the past couple of days. All 3GB-5GB, average restore time being around 6.5 hours. The eight 250+GB files? 25 minute average.

I spent most of my workday researching these files to see what the hell could possibly be causing the much smaller file to take it’s sweet time but got absolutely nothing.

My shift ended at 2:30PM. I left my laptop on and logged in, periodically poking my head into my office between rounds of Mario Kart thinking “it’s gotta be done now right?”

I did that for hours. Eventually I got to the point that I was basically racing on auto pilot. That damn restore had to finish before I got tired of getting my ass kicked in online racing, wondering who I pissed off to never get a Bullet Bill despite spending so much time in 10th to last place.

But it never did finish, and now I’m probably going to be playing Mario Kart in my dreams tonight. Maybe I’ll finally be blessed with Bullet Bills.

If that restore is still running when I log on in the morning, I’m either going to scream or cry. Or maybe I’ll be so tired that I’ll just be dead inside.

It’s not even that big of a deal, really. The person who requested it will be inconvenienced, but it is what it is and there’s not much we can do about it. Unfortunately, my brain has latched on to this minor annoyance and refuses to turn itself off for a bit to let me sleep. Hence why I’m writing this all out and throwing it into the void - maybe getting some of it out of my head will distract the ol’ noggin noodle long enough that it’ll start to shut down.

Or not, I kinda wanna hop out of bed and peek at the computer screen one more time…

[wint3r-h3art]

Lab Partner | TASM!Peter Parker x Reader

Pairing: Andrew Garfield’s Peter Parker x Reader

Word count: 3.0K

Rating:  ⚠️Juicy lemon. Smut is a head. 

Summary: You’ve known Peter since high school, and maybe you just had a little crush on him. Now that it’s your 4th year of college, you thought that perhaps you should let him know. Well, the universe is on your side because you and him are assigned to be lab partners for you biology lab project. A little banter turns into something more after you discover his secret.

A/N: Um so this is my first time writing anything Peter at all. So sorry if the characterization is off. I just really love AG’s Peter, and he has me in a clutch right now. Comment and reblog are great appreciated and encourage. Any mistakes are mine because i’m writing this on an auto pilot.

You and Peter haven’t been seeing eye to eye since your junior year of high school.

It’s not like you hate him, just sometimes the awkward, 6 foot tall, doe eye Peter just being a complete smartass to you. It has gotten worse though when you found out that he and you are going to the same college. Every time you see him strolling into the library, you just want to do something to him…

Like, kiss his stupid face so he would shut up.

To say that you’re having a little crush on him is an understatement. You have a massive crush on him, and that crushing has only grown stronger when you get to college. Something about the way he strolls into class with that subtle confidence makes your heart skip a beat. Now that it’s your final year together, you really think about telling him…if you think about it, if he ends up not feeling the same way about you, you can just move to another state and never see each other again.

It seems like the universe is answering your prayer because you and Parker are assigned to be partners for your final lab project. On the inside, you are thrilled, yet on the outside, you have to pretend that this is the worst thing that can happen to you.

“Well, geez Parker, I do hope you don’t fucked up my grade this time around,” you mutter in annoyance, though your eyes can’t seem to meet this. Something about his brown eyes and poofy chestnut hair makes you feel stupid. He smells of sweet…like that kind of warm coffee that someone might have added too much milk and sugar in it. 

He chuckles softly. “Hmm, trust me. That’s the last thing you want me to fuck.”

Your head snaps in his direction. “Language, Parker. You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

“You can find out yourself,” you wink before he quickly goes back to writing down the notes from the TA. Your mouth hangs agape, clearly, you’re shocked and a bit flustered by his response. Since when has he become this bold?!

You can feel your body heating up. Warmness envelops your body as you shakily try to focus on what the TA is saying. By the end of your 2 hours lab, you feel like you’re losing your damn mind over this.

“Here’s my number. Let me know when you’re free so we can work on this project as soon as we can,” you say quickly, writing down your phone number in his notebook. 

“What about your place?” he suggests. You look up to see those warm, liquid browns so close to you that you can feel his sweet breath on you again, and you swear you can feel your heart about to burst right out of your chest. 

“Sure,” you answer exasperatedly, hiding the fact that this man literally takes your breath away.

Peter smiles. “Cool, I’ll text you so you get my number,” he flashes you his pearly white teeth and you’re really grasping on your lab manual hard, trying to not lose your damn mind then and there. “Is this Friday, ok with you? If not, it has to be Sunday morning. I’m scheduled to work this weekend.”

You nod. “Yeah, sure. Fine, whatever. I’m free all weekend.”

“Cool! I’ll see you then,” he says before he gathers his things and quickly heads out of the lab. You’re just standing there, trying to gather your thoughts. The TA, which just happens to be your best friend's older sister. 

“Oh, he’s definitely cute.” You can hear the smirk in her voice and you want to groan loudly.

“She told you, didn’t she?” The TA nods with a smile. 

You groan before quickly making your way out of the lab. You are going to kill your best friend for this.

🕸🕸🕸Friday Night🕸🕸🕸

“Hey, sorry I’m late. Uh, I kind of got lost a bit here,” Peter says as he steps inside your apartment. “No roommate?” He looks around, only to see that you’re living in a small studio, perhaps a bit better than his dingy one. 

“I’d rather stab myself in the foot than live with another human,” you reply sarcastically as you usher him inside...

“Well, jeez. You really have no chill,” he mutters as he settles his backpack and his skateboard down on the wooden floor. 

“Only with you Parker,” you mutter back as you sit beside him on the couch. Because there’s not much space inside your studio, you’re opting for just a loveseat and a decent coffee table. Your bed is not too far from where you and he are sitting. The thin partition is the only thing that hides your unkempt bed.

Both of you begin to work silently. There isn’t much talking except for your little jab here and there. Peter excuses himself to the bathroom an hour and a half later. You feel a bit relieved of course. Perhaps a bit more relaxed as you lean back against the couch. Your foot accidentally kicks his backpack and tips it over, spilling the contents inside onto the floor.

“Shit,” you mutter as you quickly kneel down and try to put everything back into his bag. You frown when you see something red.

“Hey, uh, I think you should buy more hand soap. It’s—”

“Parker, what is this?” you ask as you lift the familiar mask you’ve been seeing on the news lately. Your eyes are practically bulging out of your head as you’re staring at him. He points at you and then at the mask.

“I can explain!” He’s panicking as he quickly grabs it out of your hand with a speed that you don’t think is possible. “It’s for Halloween, y’know.”

“Halloween is like a couple of weeks ago, Peter. Are you–”

You cannot get the words out when you find his hand clamping over your mouth.

“Look I’m really sorry, but can you just not say the word out loud?” You look at him momentarily before you nod. “I mean it, Y/N.” 

You nod again before Peter slowly releases you. You’re practically gasping for air. Peter just sits there, raking his fingers through his chestnut hair after he stuffed the mask back into his backpack, cursing under his breath as he frustratingly zips it up and places it far from your reach. Both of you stare at each other for a long moment before you start again. “So…”

“You promise that you won’t say anything about it,” he points out.

“Yeah…But I have so many questions about it.”

“I’m not going to answer you,” he crosses his arms. You glance at his forearms and swallow at the way the hard muscles flicker and strain. Peter catches that and he narrows his eyes at you. He's suspected that you may have some feeling for him, but when you’re always mean to him, the thought really is always just a thought. There are moments when he caught you staring at him a bit too long, and there were times when you couldn’t look him in the eyes. For years, he thought that you hated him or something. But now, he can fully confirm his little hunch.

“Ok…well…Um, at least tell me about how the web thing works…is it synthetic or do you…y’know produce it…from fluid?” you ask awkwardly, hands tapping on your laps nervously. You’re still avoiding his eye contact as usual.

Peter smirks in amusement at the way you can barely look at him. “Wanna find out?” That catches your attention and you look up. “I’ll tell you about it if you promise to answer my question truthfully?”

You narrow your eyes at him before you nod, oblivious to the fact that he knows that you have a crush on him. “Fine. Go on, Spider boy.”

Peter rolls his eyes. “First of all, it’s Spiderman. Second, you like me, don’t you?”

The statement makes your heart skip a beat. Heat crawls up to your face and to the tips of your ears. You can feel your heart drumming heavily against your chest as you stare at him with your mouth hanging agape. “And I’m right,” he smirks. 

“Tha–That’s not a question, Parker!” you exclaim out loud as you quickly stand up, only for Peter to pull you back down, right onto his laps. Your eyes widen as you stare at him. “What are you doing?”

“You are free to go if you want,” he says as he opens his arms, allowing you to easily leave the warmth of his body. But gosh, you don’t want to! He smells even sweeter than this morning. “I’m not trapping you.”

You think it over and clearly, he knows about how you feel. What would be the point of denying it when you’ve been pining after him for the past 5-6 years. You just look at him now, trying hard to hold onto his gaze, when in reality, your heart is about to burst out of your chest. “Don’t make fun of me,” you mutter, though refuse to leave his laps.

Peter chews on his bottom lip, obviously trying to hide the smile. He has always found you cute, even when you’re being mean to him. You always remind him of that meme where Kirby is frowning and holding a knife…yeah that’s what you remind him of.

“I’m not. I gave you a choice, and clearly, you chose to stay here…which confirms my hypothesis about you.”

“Which is…”

“You like me.”

“So?!” you turn to face him now. 

“So…nothing,” he bites back another smile. 

“Don’t make fun of me!” You’re now squirming in his arms.

“Hey, stop that! Stop–” Before you know it, you find yourself straddling him on the sofa. 

“Urggg….” he groans.

You just stare down at him. All of your rational thought seems to leave your brain then and there as your eyes shift down to his lips then back to his smoldering gaze, then back to his lips again. 

All you mutter is “fuck it,” before you lean down and kiss him. 

Surprise is an understatement because Peter finds himself frozen in place as he lays there with you right on top of him, kissing him. YOU! KISSING HIM?! The rational half of his brain seems to shut down momentarily, and  It takes him a while to digest what just happened. Peter slowly wraps his arms before slowly, but surely returning your kiss. 

He’s shy at first. The small timid lick from his tongue on your lips only makes you melt further into his body. You slowly part your lips, opening yourself to him, urging him to kiss you deeper.  He tastes just like how he smells, sweet of milk coffee, and sugar. His hair is as soft as you had imagined for all these years. 

His tongue glides and grazes yours, licking and flicking at it, making your moan out deep into the kiss. You can feel him smiling as his hands travel down to the curve of your back, just lingering there, unsure of whether he wants to touch your ass or not. With a huff, you guide his hand in yours and place it right on the round of your butt cheek. You can feel his heart beating frantically on his chest as he gently squeezes your soft flesh. 

The kiss feels like an eternity as the two of you spend time exploring each other, tasting one another till you withdraw first as you pull away to catch your breath. You stare down at him momentarily before you get off of him to sit at the space beside him. Peter quickly sits up beside you, though his mouth seems to find its way along your jawline, then down at the column of your neck, then to your collar bones.

Your eyes flutter shut as you try to focus on the feeling of his soft lips against your skin, wishing that he would do more…

“I love how your skin feels,” he murmurs against your skin, sending a vibration through you that makes your nipples strain against your bra and your panties dampen. His hands seem to linger awkwardly at your thigh, stroking it up and down, but he seems unsure of whether he really wants to touch you. 

Frustratingly, you grab his hand again and place it over your clothed breast. Peter swallows hard as he stares at your chest then at you. “Parker, I swear to God if you don’t fuck me know, I am going to fucking scream really loudly and maybe kick your ass.”

The words make him chuckle before he leans in and kisses you again, this time with more urgency and need. He practically devours you as his lips crush yours. His kiss is all tongue and teeth, while his hand is now groping your breast shamelessly.

You moan into him as you slowly lean back till you lay on the couch. You slowly spread your legs for him. Peter’s lips are still yours all the while that he is slowly grinding his hips on your clothes wetness. You moan at the way his growing hardness presses against you.

“I’m really wet,” you manage to say when he briefly pulls away just to take off his sweater. Your hand instinctively grazes at his lean body, feeling the deep ridges of his hard abdominal muscles. God, who would have thought that Peter is this hot?

“Well, that’s a good thing,” he smiles cheekily at you as he slowly rubs you through your legging, making you moan out lewdly. “Oh fuck, you’re practically leaking through the legging, Y/N.” You bite down on your lower lips as Peter continues to rub you, sending you into a haze of pleasure. 

“Peter…” you moan out his name for the first time, which only makes him more excited. His dexterous fingers leave you momentarily to pull down on your leggings. You almost whine out loud of course, but then only your moan manages to come out of your lips when his long, calloused fingers meet your bare, wet, sensitive flesh. 

“Oh fuck. You’re practically dripping,” he comments shakily. You can only reply with a mewling sound as you slowly grind yourself on his fingers. 

“Don’t stop,” you mewls, and Peter assures you that he won’t before he plunges a finger in you. Seeing how you react so positively at this, he inserts another one before he slowly plunges them in and out of you. The soft squelching sound fills the silent apartment, save for your panting and his breathing. The pressure that has been building up at the pit of your stomach has grown stronger and tighter, till it snaps like a rubber band. Your release hits you hard as your body convulses and spasms around his digits. Peter can only smile.

“That was really…sexy,” he manages to say. 

You stare up at him with half hooded eyes, lips quirk into a satisfying smile. “Yeah…yeah, it was…” Peter gazes down at you before he leans in to kiss you again. This time it’s your turn to please him.

You palm him through his jeans, stroking him and rubbing him till his breath shakily. Your fingers quickly unbutton his jeans then you slowly slide them down till you have his hard, pulsating length right in your hand. Peter moans lowly in his chest as you begin to stroke him. He instinctively grinds himself in your palm, savoring the way your soft hand feels on his hot, velvety, hardness. 

“Want you to do something,” you murmur as you continue to stroke him. “Why don’t you web me up and fuck me?” The words just seem to leave your lips without much thought. At this point, your brain is on autopilot. The more Peter is touching you, the more your brains just think with your pussy. 

You don’t have to tell him twice because you suddenly find your arms over your head, completely restrained by his web. You bite down on your lips as you stare up at him. You can see the glint in his eyes before his mouth covers yours again, kissing you. Then you can feel him dragging the head of his cock and lining himself up at your entrance.

You both moan in unison when he enters you. Peters struggles a bit by the way you wall clamps around him oh so tightly. The torturous tightness of your pussy almost makes him cum then and there. “Oh, fuck,” he gasps as you’re too trying to adjust to his size. Who would have thought that he can be this thick?!

After a few moments, you urge him to move, and he complies. He moves slowly at first, savoring the warm, tightness of your body, then he quickens his movements. Peter angles his body in a way that surely makes you see and stare at every thrust. He shifts you into a different position each time, first on your side, then on your stomach, and each time you feel like all of the air in your lungs is being fucked right out of you. It’s not long till your reach orgasms again. And this time, he has you on your hands and knees while he’s balls deep in you. 

“I’m so close, Peter,” you whimper out loud as he bucks his hips forward a few more times. Then your release hits you like a tidal wave crashing against the rock. You gasp and your body convulses. Your toe curls tightly as your fingers are clutching onto the fabric of your couch. Peter reaches his own release not too long after, spending himself all over your lower back. Both of you just lay there, breathing heavily in silence. 

“So…” you start, but you find Peter stroking your thigh in a lazy motion, pricking your skin with goosebumps.

“Let’s shower first, then I’ll explain later,” he says as he gets up and offers you his hand. You narrow your eyes at him before you gladly take it.

“Maybe, after dinner too?”

Peter laughs as he pulls you into the bathroom. “Sure, I’ll stay for dinner.”

[oakedredwine]

Workaholic Pt.2

--Check out Pt.1 first; It means a lot :)--

It was early-ish and the house smelled of coffee and cinnamon. The crackling of oil in a pan occasionally rose to be a loud sizzle. The sounds of popping from the skillet mixed with that of thunder and rain outside the window.

You rose from the bed and picked up the dusty bag at the bedside. It was heavy and smelled of coal. You wiped your eyes as if it'd wake you up faster-it didn't- and walked toward the house door.

"Hey. No no no. You didn't even have breakfast." Your husband sped walked over to you and held you by the waist. You felt butterflies rise in your stomach.

"I just need to put this in the shipping crate outside." You tried to negotiate with the man.

"You have all day to do that. Right now you need to sit down and eat." He dropped the bag on the floor and spun you around, guiding you to the table. It had one chair. It always did, even before Sebastian moved in.

This was the first time you pulled it out from the table and sat in it. He set a cup of coffee and a plate of complete breakfast down. He stood at the other end of the table and ate, holding his plate. You looked at him, regret washing over you.

"I should have bought us another chair." You said. He looked at you.

"Don't worry about that right now." He said softly.

You shut up and ate your breakfast, but while eating some of the hashbrowns you'd come to realize that you never bought anything as decoration for the house.

The wallpaper was still a leafy green color and the TV still set on the floor. Your room was empty, just a bed, and the only reason you bought the extension of the kitchen was to convince the mariner to give you the mermaid pendant.

'What was it he said?' You can't remember what the guy said. It was raining and you were too frustrated to make a mental note of it.

You finished your plate of food and stood up. You mindlessly began doing the dishes. Sebastian gently nudged you aside and assisted you. You smiled.

"I remember when we still just barely knew eachother." He said. You leaned your head on him.

"You would come out of the mines, covered in snow and ice, wander around the town for ages, and find me at the dock. "

"You gave me a frozen tear. I had no clue how you'd known my affinity toward them, but you'd return and bring me gifts. Every week." He held onto your hand.

"Everytime you'd find me, I'd know it was you behind me. Your footsteps were so familiar. You even started visiting me. The moment my mom opened the shop, you'd come straight to my room, wake me up, and give me sashimi." He chuckled at the warm memories.

"You care so much, and I love you for that. But there's a time when you need to take a breath and stop working so hard." He faced you head on.

"Lately you've been scaring me. You wake up at 6:00 and work for 18 hours straight. You've been getting reckless in the mines too. You've been bringing more and more elixirs and bombs. " He held onto your shoulders tightly.

"I'm sorry. " You tried to say more but you couldn't.

"Sometimes, I feel like I still barely know you." He frowned and avoided eye contact.

"I'm sorry." You repeated. He hugged you.

"Stop saying sorry. I'm not mad, and you don't need to ask for forgiveness. You've just-" He couldn't find the words, but you understood what he wanted to say.

You closed your eyes and hugged him. It was exausting staying on auto pilot for so long.

"Remember when I found you on your bike late at night after we first got together? You let me hop on the back and you drove me to see the edge of the city?" You asked. The memory replaying in your mind.

"Yes. Of course!" He smiled as the memory replayed for him as well.

"When you asked me what I thought of the city, at first I wanted to say:

"It's beautiful!"

But I stopped. I took a moment to think and grasp that feeling I had. I felt strangely sad. It was like a heavy pit in my stomach. It scared me. I wanted to change the subject, but I didn't want to be obvious. So instead I just turned to you and smiled." You said to him not sure where this was going.

"I just thought it was a nice memory." You admitted.

"The city was beautiful." You added before going quiet.

"Do you want to see it again?" He asked.

"That would be nice." You said.

[welcometololaland]

I love love love your Tennis AU. If you don’t mind: what went through Carlos’ head when he had to play against TK, after the match and when he thought TK was missing? I would really like to hear your thoughts on those scenes. :)

🚨🚨🚨SPOILERS FOR LOVE GAME🚨🚨🚨

Carlos vs. TK - this one has a special place in my heart. I've adapted something I wrote in a response to a comment left on Ao3. I hope no one minds!

I tossed and turned about Carlos vs. TK for ages before I wrote it - who would win, how it would play out, how they would approach it. It was really clear to me as soon as I'd written chapter 3 and 4 that Carlos was the logical winner. Many people (including myself) were rooting for TK, but at this point in the fic, Carlos is written as the better player, so I think his win was inevitable. TK has a skillset that is very niche and an undeniable natural talent, but Carlos has been working his ass off while TK has been on hiatus. Carlos is primed and ready and TK is still dusting off the cobwebs.

Obviously, chapter 5 is TK POV, and TK is a bit of an unreliable narrator at times. He's hot headed and quick to temper, and I think that coloured his perception of Carlos here. Yes, the net thing appeared rude, and seemed out of character for Carlos, but TK doesn't give him the benefit of the doubt, so I intentionally left that point unclear (Carlos really did apologise, TK just didn't see it).

As to Carlos' feelings during the match, my view is that Carlos is a consummate professional in every universe. He has a serious allergy to letting anyone down. He simply CANNOT not try. He had to win this match, and I believe that to do that, he had to almost turn himself on auto pilot and just focus on playing the best tennis he could. He had to, because there was no option to concede and compromise on his morals or his sponsors or all of his training. TK means a lot to Carlos - but we know Carlos has a very strong understanding of right and wrong, and I don't think it was wrong for him to try and win in the circumstances. Actually, it would have been wrong of him to throw the match, even though he KNOWS it will upset TK.

As Carlos says in chapter 6, I think he put his blinkers on, and once he saw TK was losing the plot, just played the most aggressive game he could to end the match quickly. I think it really hurt him to see TK hurting, and he would have wanted to be a source of comfort for him. So knowing he was not only not able to be that source of comfort, but in fact was the source of the discomfort, would have been extremely difficult for Carlos.

After the match, I think Carlos went and did his post match press conference, cool down and massage. I think he spoke with his team about how worried he was that he'd upset TK. I think Paul (who has always seen right through him) probably helped a lot by convincing Carlos that TK would eventually forgive him. Tommy would have stroked his hair and told him that he made the best out of a bad situation. Andrea would have hugged him and praised him for having a big heart. Gabriel would have patted him on his (uninjured) shoulder and said "you did what you had to do, mijo" and Tío Fernando would have had no sympathy for TK at all 😂 Tío Fernando I see as a great guy - just very utilitarian, and we come to see that he softens towards TK later.

Lastly, Carlos would have been a complete mess by the time 4 hours had passed. I believe he would have wanted to think the best of TK - that he hadn't gone and relapsed - but certainly the story TK told him in Paris would have been playing on his mind. He would have texted Judd, Nancy and Mateo incessantly, asking for any updates. He would have texted TK over and over. He would have called TK so many times his voicemail filled up. He would have gone out for a quick walk around the block himself and then run back to the hotel just in case he missed TK coming in, and then sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands when TK wasn't there. I didn't write Carlos as particularly religious in this fic (although his family is Catholic), but I think he would have prayed anyway. He would have been constantly asking himself what he could have done better, or whether he should have withdrawn, or whether he should have let TK win.

I don't think he would have been thinking about his feelings for TK necessarily - I think in that moment he would have been far more concerned for TK's health and safety. He just wanted TK to come back to him in one piece, and then he'd deal with whatever came next.

Sorry for the long explanation! I have a lot of feelings about Carlos vs. TK, and I know a lot of other people did too!

Love Game - Chapter 5 - Volley