#I was planning to save this for post-essay times in july but i finished one of the hardest sections of my work today so CELEBRATE

[celestial--sapphic]

5th January, 1892

"I think that would be cheating, Pops. If I am honest.” Evelyn has to admit, giving a sideways look to her girlfriend who is half-stooping next to her in front of Professor Ronen's elaborate collection of butterflies. 

The Hufflepuff's gaze is focused specifically on one of the winged insects in the tallest glass chamber which sports a mix of vivid colours; rusted red hues on the main part of its delicate, paperthin wings, with black, soft daffodil yellow and an iridescent blue tingeing the edges with spots like blurred ink on wet parchment. Evelyn was never quite sure if the butterflies in question were still alive and enchanted to live inside the glass chambers indefinitely or if they are taxidermy charmed to flutter their wings at regular intervals through some exceptional reanimation spell. The Slytherin is equally never sure which version she prefers. 

"Cheating?" Poppy asks curiously, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear and tilting her head up slightly to look up at Evelyn from underneath those thick, long lashes that Evelyn never fails to find impossibly attractive. 

"Yes, well doesn't the book expect you to find them out and about in the real world?" Evelyn replies, gesturing absently in the direction of the butterflies and beyond.  

The book, in question, is a one of a set of three spotter guides she bought from Tomes and Scrolls for Poppy as a Christmas present; The Observer’s Guide to British Butterflies, The Observer’s Guide to British Flowers and Observer’s Guide to British Birds. The Hufflepuff absolutely loved them (nearly knocking Evelyn’s glass of mulled cider out of her hand when she pulled her into a hug after unwrapping them) and immediately got to work excitedly filling them in. It was less than three weeks since Christmas and she had already cheerfully ticked off a number of native Scottish birds and hardy flora that can survive the weather, like snowdrops and hellebores. However, given the unforgiving, biting winter weather in the Highlands Poppy had made limited (see: non-existent) progress on the butterflies edition, to her disappointment.   

Poppy hums. “I suppose you are right, it wouldn’t be completely honest. Truly, I would prefer to see the peacock butterfly in real life anyway. They must look so beautiful when they fly freely, imagine the colours…” She trails off, her gaze drifting back to the glass chambers and the regular beating of coloured wings. 

“I would hazard there are a fair few people who get frustrated with the rare ones and just end up going to the Natural History Museum to tick them off,” Evelyn muses, stepping closer into Poppy’s bubble of space, to look closer herself at the butterfly which had Poppy so enraptured. 

"The what?" 

“Natural History Museum.” Evelyn repeats, assuming Poppy hadn’t heard her. 

“The what, sorry?” Poppy asks again.  

“The Natural History Museum, in Kensington, in London?” 

Poppy turns her attention back to the taller girl and gives Evelyn a completely blank look and a small shake of her head.

“Is that… muggle?” The Hufflepuff asks curiously. Poppy having grown up completely in the wizarding world and Evelyn in the muggle world they had found plenty of things in the course of their relationship that one or the other didn’t know about. Poppy telling Evelyn she had never used the London Underground being one example that always springs to mind.    

“You've... you've never been to the Natural History Museum?" Evelyn couldn’t believe it. How had Poppy Sweeting not been to the Natural History Museum? Regardless if it was a muggle institution, she would have bet a Galleon the Hufflepuff's gran would have taken the her at some point, given their joint love of the natural world, magical and otherwise. 

Evelyn knew, at that moment, exactly what they were doing for Poppy’s 17th birthday next month.

[regina-cordium]

Trick or treat! 🦇💀🐈‍⬛

you get TWO candies because this should've been posted last night but i got too in my head abt characterization for a silly lil fic

-

Growing up, Davey hated his birthday.

It’s bad enough he doesn’t even get his own, but everyone always assumed it to be or tried to make it Halloween themed.

He’s glad he got over the first part quickly – Sarah’s his best friend, the other side of his coin, how could he not want to share it with her? – but the second part stays staunchly true until sophomore year of undergrad.

His friends tried to throw a surprise party for him freshman year, but it had turned out to be a costume party. Davey had tried his best to smile and pretend like he wasn’t frustrated, but he had clearly failed because Katherine had come to him the next day to apologize. Davey appreciated the sentiment, both because he knew she meant it and also was so clearly hungover it was amazing she could stand.

Then Racer’s brother transferred in during the spring semester, and Davey’s whole world changed.

For one thing, he’s immediately dubbed Davey; Crutchie later explains that that’s how Jack shows affection (which makes Davey wonder about Crutchie and Jack’s friendship, but it’s also between the two of them, so if Crutchie is alright with it, who is Davey to say anything).

For another, Jack manages to actually break Davey out of his shell. The others have always invited Davey to things, of course, and dragged him when it was clear he needed a break, no matter how much he denied it. Jack, though…Jack didn’t need to drag or needle or bribe Davey to do things. All it took was the tip of his head, a vaguely pleading look, and Davey was powerless to say no. On the (mortifyingly rare, if he’s being honest) Davey convinced Jack that no, actually, he needs to stay in and study for this class or finish that essay, Jack would accept it and just…stay. He’d throw himself onto Davey’s threadbare couch he got probably fourth hand from a friend of a friend of a classmate, scrolling through his phone or doing his own homework, seemingly content to sit in silence while Davey worked.

Davey had never had someone he could sit in comfortable silence with. It was exhilarating.

The only problem, Davey realizes very quickly, is Jack loves playing host and will take any opportunity to throw a party. Such as, say, a birthday.

Over the course of almost a year, Davey watches with both fondness and apprehension as Jack throws big, often themed parties for each of their friends. Mush’s birthday in February is an explosion of pink and hearts, Race’s birthday in June is Cars themed; even Les gets the Jack Kelly Party treatment when his birthday circles around in July, a Minecraft theme complete with a cake that looks like it’s made out of blocks.

(Davey had already been infatuated with Jack, but that, he thinks, is what made him realize he’s in love.)

Suffice it to say, Davey was nervous when October starts. He knows Jack’s going to be planning something, and the theme is so obvious. At the same time, though, it’s not like he can just go up to Jack and say, “Hey, I know you’re planning a birthday party for me, but if it’s Halloween themed I might cry.” Not only would it be rude and presumptuous, but Davey would also rather die than initiate confrontation.

His birthday’s on a Tuesday, so he’s not surprised when Jack says to come over on the Friday before. He spends the day telling himself that it’s going to be fine, at the end of the day it’s just a party. Just one night, and it’s with his friends so it won’t even be that bad.

Davey’s still telling himself this when he buzzes Jack’s apartment.

Not even a second passes before Jack’s voice crackles through the buzzer. “That you, Dave?”

“No,” he replies drily. “It’s the Queen of England.”

There’s an awful static noise that Davey thinks is Jack laughing. “What’s another zombie wandering the city tonight, eh?”

Davey manages a weak smile, even though Jack can’t see him, but is saved from answering by the door buzzing open. He takes a deep breath and enters the building, walking up to Jack and Spot’s apartment on the fourth floor. He pauses at the door, shaking out his hands as he makes a face at the Halloween themed doormat, and then knocks.

“It’s open!” Jack’s voice calls from inside.

Davey opens the door, not even getting out half his greeting before a group of people yells, “SURPRISE!”

He blinks in, well, surprise as he takes in the room. Seemingly everyone he’s ever met is crammed into the small living room, and while some are in costume, it’s not general Halloween fare. No, people are dressed like…

“Is this Star Trek themed?” Davey asks, looking around at the decorations. There’s a banner of triangles in red, yellow, and blue that state Happy Birthday!; a table across the left wall is covered in a plastic tablecloth printed with different characters from the original series, with more red, yellow, and blue desserts and what looks like a cake shaped like the Enterprise.

Davey quickly scans the crowd, needing to find Jack. When he does, he’s almost shocked to find him dressed like Captain Kirk.

“Happy birthday, Davey!” he crows, making his way through the crowd to throw an arm around Davey’s shoulders. “Sorry if it’s cheesy, but you’ve been so into your Star Trek rewatching this semester I couldn’t think of anything else.”

“Jackie, it’s perfect,” Davey says, unable to keep the sheer sincerity and fondness out of his voice. He’s rewarded by Jack flushing red, even stuttering when he moves his hand to between Davey’s shoulder blades and gently pushing him forward and saying, “C’mon, get a drink. Finch’s been bitching all week about trying to make the perfect cocktail, we gotta see if he did it.”

It’s honestly one of the best birthday parties Davey’s ever had. Even Sarah’s dressed up, Trill dots running down her temples and neck.

“I hope you know this means I’m dragging you to the club for my party next Friday,” she says as she wraps herself around her brother. Senior year of high school, the twins had finally decided that they would have two separate get-togethers with friends for birthdays, alternating who gets the first. “It took Kath, like, an hour to get these dots on me.”

Davey turns his head to press a kiss to the top of hers. “I won’t even complain too much,” he promises. Sarah snorts in disbelief (which, fair) and moves to talk to Ritz as Racer and Albert come up to pull him into hugs and back slaps.

It’s after midnight before he realizes he needs a breather, which is something of a record for him just in general. The party’s still in full swing – minus Les, who managed to make it to ten o’clock before falling asleep and being relocated to Spot’s room – so nobody notices when Davey slips out of the window in Jack’s room to sit on the fire escape.

Or…not nobody, apparently, because only a few minutes later Jack’s voice quietly calls out, “Mind if I join you?”

Davey scoots over to make space, smiling at Jack as he sits beside him.

“D’ya like the party?” Jack asks. It’s asked casually enough, but Davey can see the uncertainty in his eyes, the way the corner of his grin twitching a bit.

“It’s perfect, Jackie,” Davey assures him just as softly, swaying to the side to gently bump his shoulder against Jack’s. “Not even cheesy at all.”

Jack throws his head back to laugh, and Davey takes the opportunity to stare before Jack’s attention returns to him. “Now that’s a goddamn lie, but I appreciate the sentiment. I know you don’t like Halloween themed shit, so I’m glad I still got a theme that works.”

Davey feels warm to his bones, despite the chill in the air. He’d figured somebody had told Jack about his dislike, probably told him about his party last year, but he realizes that Jack did just know. They’ve been like that since meeting, now that he thinks about it. He and Jack just clicked, understanding each other in a way nobody else seemed to.

Davey sways back into Jack, this time allowing himself to lay his head on Jack’s shoulder. “It’s perfect,” he insists.

An arm comes up to wrap around Davey’s shoulder, pulling him closer to Jack’s side. “Happy birthday, Davey.”

[stressedlawsecretary]

Today's Focus

04.03.24 - Well we're halfway through the week! I need sleep man; I need a vacation to like catch up with sleep - just sleep in every day for a week. I'm taking at least one extra day off per month in part for self-care; this month that day is the 21st. I'm planning a vacation for my birthday in July, but I'm also praying my spouse gets a job that requires training in another state so I can take an extra vacation.

Work - I left nothing for myself except reading a few press releases that came in. It's Wednesday so I'm remote and since the two people who usually rely on me (SJC and JJM) have been pretty self-sufficient I don't expect to have any real work to do.

Background Noise - Well since I'm remote, the real background noise will be the DVR; I'll do YT when I have some downtime.

I did like a dozen (12) videos yesterday, pretty much solely off my Watch Later. They're starting to get long (20-30 min) so I can't get through as many as I can when I'm watching shorter videos.

Study - Wednesday is visual study day, and I have a couple of CBS Sunday Morning programs to watch and like four 60 Minutes so add that to some Jeopardy episodes and uh...I can get off like 10 hrs if I try real hard. I have one Biographics to watch with my hunny, at least one somewhat 'educational' video, and I started a documentary on Hardy Amies and Operation Ratweek that I'd like to get through.

Yesterday went well! I finished the essay from 1945 on The Decay of Liberalism and I read half a dozen (6) articles each related to the IRA/The Troubles, the Horizon IT/Post Office scandal, Van Gogh's letters, and my saved 'good news' articles. I also read like seven different, random articles stumbled upon (this includes two press releases) and I got another 10 pages or so into the essay about the bride price in China.

Extras - Wednesday means I clean the catbox out again, and vacuum the rugs. I want to strip a pair of pants, clean a pan, spot clean my bedroom ceiling, and take out some recycling as well. It's takeout night at least (thank God) which should give me ample time to indulge in my shower/self-care routine tonight (and listen to more of The Great Post Office Trial podcast.) Two more episodes of Turboranger are on the docket tonight, along with the last episode of a surprise three-part Batman arc (they're in Londinium.) My mini-essay is on transgender legislation (again) and I'm working through that taxation essay as well.

[isaacthedruid]

Please allow me to tell you about one of my favourite cartoons through this informal essay I did for school a couple of months back. 

Gravity Falls and How it Did The Unimaginable

**SPOILERS... KINDA**

The 2010s saw the creation of some of the most iconic animated tv shows ever made, the likes of Adventure Time (2010), Steven Universe (2013), Over the Garden Wall (2014) and The Legend of Korra (2012). To explain why this era’s shows are so admirable is honestly rather difficult. Yet, there are many factors that can be taken into consideration when looking for an answer.

The past decade was very successful in perfecting their craft and utilizing the animated format to their favour, creating some of the wackiest and fascinating cartoons ever made. With the advancements made in both 2D and 3D animation for film, this bled into the world of TV as well.

To mention that 2010s cartoons have stunning visuals would be an understatement. Everything about the animation was beautiful; the strong colour palettes, the clean and imaginative character designs, the colourful and immersive backgrounds and especially the mesmerizing worlds that can be found within episodes that are half an hour.

This era’s cartoons also led to a massive shift in storytelling, writing longer-running stories that spread out across seasons while also swapping out episodic adventures for serialization. This heavily aided in the popularization of these shows, due to the rise of internet fandoms and dropping the taboo that cartoons were only for kids. Many shows acknowledged their older viewers by leaving clues and even puzzles to be solved by the theorists who have a large appearance on social media platforms like Reddit, Twitter and Tumblr. As the shows progressed, their fandoms created many theories for what they believed might happen within their favourite series. The top three shows from this era all utilized these changes, being at the forefront of the shift and helping guide the creative vision of 2010s cartoons.

Often regarded as many people’s favourite cartoon, Gravity Falls presented one of the best mysteries of the decade with two seasons and only 40 episodes. Inspired by Twin Peaks and The X-Files, it’s considered as the kids’ version of these two iconic shows as this cartoon acts as many people’s first introduction to horror through bright colours and fun characters.

This series follows the adventures of Dipper and Mabel Pines, twins, who are sent to spend their summer with their great-uncle or Grunkle Stan in Gravity Falls, Oregon. This town is full of oddities like supernatural creatures, insane and eccentric inhabitants, and many puzzles. The Pines twins must adjust to the weirdness while uncovering the mysteries and protecting their new town.

While living in Gravity Falls, the twins are forced to work in the Mystery Shack, a tourist trap created by their Grunkle Stan that overcharges unlucky tourists, teaching about fake monsters despite there being real creatures all over town. On his first day in Oregon, Dipper accidentally came across a mysterious journal written by an unknown author that explains all the oddities to be found in this strange town. This book acts like an encyclopedic of the Weird for Dipper, an inquisitive 12-year-old kid who seeks answers.

Dipper is an extremely intelligent kid, his brain being far more developed than his body. He’s rather awkward and self-conscious as he often stumbles over his words or gets embarrassed trying to talk to girls. Despite this, the boy is an adventurer at heart who just wants to grow up and skip his upcoming teenage years.

While Mabel is quite the opposite in many ways, she is loud and has an in-your-face personality. Mabel is bouncy and fun, she is so excited to start high school. She is easily excitable and for the larger part of the series, she is in her boy-crazy phase. Mabel is a girly-girl as she likes all things; glitter, unicorns, rainbows, partying and crafting. Yet, she doesn’t often compare well with many of the other girls in town, they see her as weird and “too much”.

(In all fairness through, it is not too kind to either of the characters as their personalities are more complex than just awkward nerd and artsy girl-girly.)

Dipper and Mabel’s personalities are very different but somehow, they—along with their Gravity Falls family—manage to solve mysteries and save the town, multiple times.

Gravity Falls is an honestly genius series that completely changed the way cartoons were made. Originally when writing a series, you’d create a base of your story; characters, the universe and a basic plot. Yet, when creator, Alex Hirsch (who was in his early/mid-20)s and his small team first began constructing their show, they planned out everything they could possibly think of for the first season. Additionally, outlining some answers for their biggest mysteries that would be answered at the end of the series.

Despite being rated TV-Y7, this series really pushed the boundaries of kids’ television. From the teeth being ripped out of a deer’s mouth by a demon, rearranging the functions of every hole on a man’s face to an aggressive pop-rock sock puppet show that ended in a dramatic slow-motion scene of the puppets burning. Gravity Falls wasn’t afraid to get a little weird or creepy. Or create some genuine nightmare fuel. 

From the beginning, Gravity Falls had built a mystery into its series, hiding secrets and clues all throughout the show. Most notably were the backwards-recorded message and cryptograms, using roughly nine different kinds, even creating two of their own.

The inclusion of cyphers and mysteries for fans to solve is possibly the reason why this series was so successful. As one of the first shows to do something like this, Gravity Falls used social media and internet fandoms to its advantage.

As mentioned earlier, cartoon fans have quite a presence on social media platforms like Twitter and Tumblr. They create theories and share fun ideas about their favourite shows. Viewers of Adventure Time, Gravity Falls and Steven Universe were all included in their share of theory fun.

Sometimes, fan theories end up being correct but when you’re Gravity Falls creator, Alex Hirsch, you don’t just watch from the sidelines as your viewers figure out the biggest mystery of your show. No, you create a hoax to get your viewers off your trail and that is what he did. Around 2013, only halfway through the first season of the show, viewers had started to follow the clues, theorizing who was the author is Dipper’s mysterious journal.

Unfortunately for the Gravity Falls production crew, the viewers were right— for the sake of readers who have never seen the show, I will not mention who the author was as it would be the biggest spoiler.

In 2013, a supposed leaked image of a tv showing a younger version of the show’s crazy old man character, Old Man McGucket, writing in the infamous journal was uploaded anonymously (by Alex Hirsch) to 4Chan.

Despite the image only being on up for a few hours, it spread like wildfire. Much to the team’s success, theorists stopped searching for the answer to “who is the author” and just accepted the image of McGucket as the truth.

To further push the fake-out, three words were posted to Alex’s Twitter, “fuming right now.”

The tweet was deleted a few minutes later and fans genuinely believed that someone from the Gravity Falls team had leaked the most important part of the story.

While doing research, I came across a Reddit post from April 10th, 2013, the day after ‘leak,’ Alex’s tweet was uploaded. In this post, user, TheoDW uploaded an image of Alex’s tweet with the caption, “It seems that Hirsch got mad at last night’s leak. He already deleted this tweet.”

Seeing the reactions of these Redditors in 2013 is kind of weird and crazy to look at. “He has every right to be upset. Someone internally released a plot revealing screen shot of series breaking spoiler information,” a deleted Reddit account commented.

“This is Alex Hirsch’s biggest success by far, he spent a huge amount of time carefully planning out the series, and then in a moment someone releases a major spoiler. It would make anyone upset,” the user, Time_Loop commented.

“Seriously, this is a nightmare for a storyteller, and shows a breach of trust. I feel so bad for him–honestly, I hope whoever did the leak gets caught and appropriate action is taken. You don’t f–k with someone’s story like this. It’s unprofessional.” the user, lonelybeloved angrily commented.

In 2014, this ‘leak’ was finally disproven when viewers were given an episode on McGucket’s backstory and an amazing tweet from Alex Hirsch. 

Alex had post an image of himself playfully pointing at a monitor with the supposed leaked picture with the caption, “1) Make hoax  2) Upload to 4Chan  3) Post angry tweet about "leak" 4) Delete tweet 5) Let internet do rest”

It is so interesting to look at these comments know that all of this was orchestrated by Alex.

I wish I had been old enough at the time to follow theories and fandom stuff like I do now with current cartoons but really looking at this from an outside perspective, this was insane!

The real author wasn’t revealed until 2015 and when viewers first got the answer to this biggest show on their screens, they must have freaked out!

Following the finale in 2016, a single frame of a stone version of Bill Cipher, the show’s villain, flashed in after the credits had finished.

Alex Hirsch and his team actually created a real-life statue of their villain for their viewers to find and on July 20th, 2016, the Cipher Hunt began.

By following clues, the Hunters found themselves all over the world; Russia, Japan and then travelling throughout the United States for the final 12 clues. When the hunt took them to Los Angeles, actor, Jason Ritter (voice of Dipper Pines, also a massive fan of the series) and Alex Hirsch’s twin sister, Ariel Hirsch (the inspiration for Mabel) joined in the fun helping the search.

Finally, the hunt ended on August 2nd when someone tweeted out an image of the found statue in Oregon, the same state in which the fictional town of Gravity Falls exists. The Cipher Hunt had ended but finding the statue wasn’t Alex’s goal for the scavenger hunt, it was about the journey and bringing together the viewers, more than having them actually find the statue.

Creating its own hoax, an international scavenger hunt and quite a bit of nightmare fuel, Gravity Falls was a show truly unlike any other.

The 2010s saw some of the strongest cartoons ever made, Adventure Time, Gravity Falls and Steven Universe acting as the leaders for multiple different changes in the medium; storytelling, worldbuilding, interaction with viewers, utilizing social media, representation and further pushing music into the cartoon world. From what was created this past decade and what has already been released in 2020, I’m so excited to see what comes next.

I have another one of these which is on Steven Universe’s representation and music if you would like to see that too!! 

[kinda-just-chillin-here]

Greek Mythology and Julie & the Phantoms

My first watch through of Julie and the Phantoms (JATP), I noticed a few similarities and parallels to certain myths within Greek mythology. On my million rewatches, I paid more attention to see if there were others. This post is all my observations of the parallels, as well as a few possible theories for season 2 the writers could follow for certain storylines. This is a ridiculously long read, I apologize.

**Disclaimers: 

There are spoilers, so if you haven’t finished watching for the first time yet, don’t read this. 

The content in Greek myths can vary depending on the source. This is largely due to the fact they are just super old. So some of the myths might be slightly different. I did my best just to compare to the gist of the myth. 

I’m going to refer to Luke, Reggie, and Alex together as either Sunset Curve or the boys to save space. 

I apologize for any typos and mistakes; midterm season has left me with an empty head.

1. Orpheus

Obviously a major motif in the first season is the Orpheum. Orpheum literally means House of Orpheus. 

Background information of Orpheus:

His mother is Calliope (muse of epic poetry), and depending on the version of the story, his father is either Apollo (god of the sun, healing, music, medicine, archery, and poetry) or King Oeagrus of Thrace. 

Orpheus was considered to be one of the greatest musicians. He had a “divinely gifted voice that could charm anyone who heard it,” no god or mortal could resist his music. 

Let’s look at some of his myths.

Orpheus and Eurydice:

The basic summary of this myth is that Eurydice, Orpheus’ wife, died after being bitten by snakes while running away from a man, Aristaeus, or a satyr (depends on source) who wanted her for himself. Devastated, Orpheus began singing sad songs until he was advised by nymphs to go to the Underworld and bring her back. After singing to Hades and Persephone, they agreed to let Eurydice return to the main world. However, they warned him not to look back before they both entered the light of the surface. He happily began his trek back to the surface. When Orpheus reached the exit, Eurydice in toe, he turned around to see her, anxious to make sure it wasn’t a trick, that she was really there. Only, Eurydice was still in the Underworld, she hadn’t crossed over yet. Orpheus turning around when he did, caused Eurydice to remain in the underworld. 

So who’s who?

Julie = Orpheus (talented musician and desperate to save their love from the Underworld)

Sunset Curve = Eurydice (dead and trapped)

Caleb = Aristaeus and Hades (wants Eurydice/Sunset Curve for himself; controls the place the dead are) 

Hollywood Ghost Club (HGC) = The Underworld

How do they relate? Stand Tall (s1e09) is where it all goes down.

Like Aristaeus, Caleb is pursing Sunset Curve because he wants them for himself (and Caleb is also threaten by the power they have).

Caleb has the boys trapped in the HGC, just like Eurydice in the Underworld. 

Julie had to deal with the idea the boys died (again) when they didn’t show up before the performance. At first she couldn’t, she ran out until she had a sign from her mom, telling her to go on stage. You could argue this sort of parallels the nymphs telling Orpheus to plea to Hades, or that it parallels Orpheus on his journey back to the surface after Hades agreed.

This is where Julie and Orpheus differ. Julie goes onstage, fully believing in the sign from her mother; that even if the boys don’t come, she can do it. The lyrics of Stand Tall are pure genius. “Keep moving on, never look back.” That’s exactly what Julie does. Unlike Orpheus, Julie doesn’t look back. And the boys appear, no longer trapped by Caleb at the HGC. Julie breaks away from the Orpheus formula and wins. 

@multifandomterrors wrote an essay on how it relates too! She has three theories of how it fits and I definitely recommend you check it out!

Bonus reasons Julie is Orpheus:

Orpheus joined Jason and the Argonauts. When the ship was approaching the Sirens, Orpheus saves the crew from death by playing his own music, drowning out the Sirens’ Song. Likewise, Julie is able to save the boys from Caleb. You can argue that her singing Stand Tall acted as a beacon, beckoning the boys away from Caleb and back to her, saving them in the process.

This one is more of a long shot but oh well. Orpheus is said to have a “divinely gifted voice that could charm anyone who heard it,” that no god or mortal could resist his music. The boys say that Julie has “the voice of an angel.” Throughout the season, as soon as Julie starts to sing, people are generally drawn in, even Carrie by the end. 

Onto the next parallel...

2. Lotus Eaters

As soon as the slightest idea of the boys missing the dance was hinted at I knew it was going to happen because ~formulas~, but once they got to the HGC, I had a strong feeling it was going to be a Lotus Eaters situation. 

Summary of the Lotus Eaters:

In The Odyssey, Odysseus and his crew encounter the Lotus Eaters. They do as their name suggests, they eat the peculiar Lotus flower. When the lotus flower is eaten, those who eat it are “overcome with a blissful forgetfulness,” and want to do nothing more than stay where they are. The crew mates had to be dragged back to the ship, otherwise they never would have returned to their duties. The most well known adaptation of this is probably the Lotus Casino in Percy Jackson & the Olympians series, where the characters spend days/years there, only thinking it was a few hours/days. It’s a time warp per se. 

So what’s what?

Hollywood Ghost Club =  Lair/island of the lotus eaters (everyone there appears to have no other worries in life)

The music & dancing = Lotus flower (sucks everyone in)

How do they relate?

Once Caleb starts performing, Sunset Curve are sucked in. Eventually, they are overcome with a “blissful forgetfulness” and forget about Julie and the dance. They only get sucked back out once Caleb mentions it’s the witching hour.

Alex literally says “This place is some sort of time warp.”

When the boys try to leave, the dancers and then Caleb try to reel them back in. 

The next is not directly Greek mythology, but distantly related:

3. Disney’s Hercules 

The story in Disney’s Hercules isn’t exactly what the myths of Heracles are. It’s Disney, so of course the stories are romanticized and changed significantly. First of all, in the original myths, Hercules is really named Heracles, and Megara is nothing more than Heracles’ wife that ends with a tragic story.

In the movie, Hades wants Hercules dead since he is the only one that can ruin his plan to take over the world. He enlists Megara (or Meg, whose soul he owns) to get to know him and find his weakness. As Meg gets to know Hercules, they fall in love. Hades uses this as Hercules’ weakness, and once he outs Meg for working for him, Hercules is emotionally defeated. However, he still gives up his power for 24 hours, as long as Meg remains untouched by harm. Of course that doesn’t happen, and Meg dies while saving Hercules. Her soul is returned to the Underworld, and Hercules journeys down there to save her, even though he might die doing so. Except he doesn’t; he saves Meg, and it’s happily ever after. 

So who’s who?

Alex = Hercules

Willie = Meg

Caleb = Hades

How does it relate?

Like Hades wants Hercules dead, Caleb wants Alex (and the boys) under his control because they are too powerful. He’s threatened by them.

Even though Willie didn’t mean to bring the boys into the mess with Caleb, he still did (no hate, I love my son). Willie acts as Meg in this situation because Caleb still uses him to get to the boys. Caleb gets to put his stamp on them.

Willie, just like Meg, decides to not help Caleb anymore, though he’s still stuck. He cares about Alex, he doesn’t want him to be stuck at the HGC like him forever; he doesn’t want Caleb to own Alex’s soul. So, Willie helps Alex and the boys with their plan to crossover. 

In Stand Tall, right before You’ve Got Nothing to Lose, Caleb appeals to each of the boys’ weakness. Caleb says “Everything you want, including Willie, is right here.” Just like Hades uses Meg against Hercules, Caleb uses Willie against Alex.

Potential Season 2 Willex Storyline

The parallel to Hercules and Meg isn’t finished. Alex hasn’t saved Willie from Caleb yet, and Caleb hasn’t been defeated yet. We don’t see Willie after the Willex hug in Stand Tall. I think it’s safe to assume that Willie is not safe from Caleb, especially since he helped Sunset Curve escape Caleb’s curse. There’s a lot of things that could happen. One of my assumptions is that Caleb is going to use Willie as bait to lure Alex back in. Another is that, like how Hercules goes to the Underworld to save Meg’s soul,  Alex is going to actively choose to return to the HGC to try to save Willie from Caleb. 

And the last parallel to Greek mythology in season 1...

4. Cheyenne Jackson

He plays Hades in Descendants 3, a Disney movie, meaning he’s the same Hades as in Hercules. 

Caleb Covington, you could argue is the “king of the dead” in JATP

That’s it, that’s the parallel.

Possible Season 2 Storylines

Cephalus and Procris (I’m not as familiar with this myth, but it basically goes like this)

Cephalus and Procris are happily married and very in love with each other. One day, the goddess of dawn, Eos, kidnaps Cephalus because she wants him to herself. Depending on the version you read, Cephalus either sleeps with Eos, or he doesn’t, but regardless, his only concern is how much he loves his wife, Procris. Eos finds that annoying, and plants the idea in his head that Procris is cheating on him when she releases him eight years later. Cephalus returns to Procris, disguised as another man, to see if she would remain faithful. A disguised Cephalus continuously brings Procris presents, and slowly, Procris is swayed by the mysterious man. When Cephalus reveals himself, Procris runs away, ashamed, and joins Artemis’ hunt. Eos wins essentially. She get’s Cephalus... until Procris returns, trying to make amends with her husband. He takes her back, but not long after Procris hears rumors that Cephalus has been unfaithful. She follows him on a hunt, hiding behind a bush. Cephalus hears a bush move, and thinking it’s an animal, he shoots, killing Procris. In the end, Eos still wins as Procris is no longer in the picture, and she could theoretically be with him. Expect Cephalus exiles himself and Eos is never seen again.

How could this apply to JATP season 2?

Julie = Procris

Luke = Cephalus

Caleb = Eos

Caleb-Possessed-Nick = Disguised man

Since Caleb possessed Nick at the end, I assume his plan is to get Julie to pick Nick, thus pushing Luke away from her. Caleb wants Luke and the boys to himself, and as long as Julie is in the picture, that won’t happen. As Caleb-Possessed-Nick tries to flirt and get closer to Julie, Luke will see this and get jealous. His jealousness could lead to tensions between Julie and Luke, making the band a bit awkward, maybe even a big fight that pushes Luke to think about joining Caleb, or at least isolating himself where Caleb would have easy access. I think it would be a very loosely applied parallel, but the idea of Caleb working to cause a rift between Luke and Julie to get Luke by himself is a major possibility. Regardless, Caleb-Possessed-Nick is going to get in the way of Luke and Julie’s slow burn pining for each other. 

A General Thought Not Related to Greek Mythology 

Regardless of what the writers end up doing, I think Caleb’s best plan would be to target the boys individually; like the continuance of the Hercules parallel with Willex and potential Cephalus & Procris parallel with Juke. I don’t know how he would isolate Reggie, maybe something with his family, but targeting the boys one-on-one would be the most strategic move for Caleb. He could even get super manipulative with it. He could say something like “Alex already agreed” or something along those lines to try to persuade the boy he is talking to. 

Additionally, I don’t have any theories on where Carrie and Julie’s relationship may go, but i’m looking forward to a Carrie redemption arc. As far as where Bobby fits in, I read someone’s theory that Caleb may approach him, offering to help keep his reputation as Trevor Wilson, if he helps deal with the boys somehow. I’m sure there’s a potential greek myth that fits a potential Bobby and the boys storyline, but out of the ones I can think of right now, there aren’t. Betrayal is a huge theme in greek mythology though.

Anyway...

While the original target audience was kids and the show probably wasn’t meant to be this deep, as a screenwriter myself, I find it super useful (and fun) to parallel classic stories and myths when I write. It can add a sense of nuance to the story, especially when done right. I hope the writers (assuming at least the Orpheus and Lotus Eaters parallels were intentional) continue to parallel the season with some form of myth or classic story, only to then completely flip the ending. 

If you actually took the time to read ALL of this, my god, I applaud you, you amazing human. Thank you so much for reading it. I’d love to hear what y’all think or what theories y’all have as well!

[kissjane]

As promised.

Smells like teen spirit, almost 10k of Elu childhood friends to strangers to lovers.

Moving sucks.

It’s not even as if Lucas has many possessions, since for the biggest part of his life he has lived in tiny Parisian flats shared with a bunch of roommates to be able to afford the skyrocketing rent.

But he’s also not the most organized guy, and that means he’s gotten up at the crack of dawn to finish packing before the boys arrive with the rented van to transport everything to Lucas’ new digs – even tinier than the current one, but blissfully without roommates.

He’s going to have to survive on ramen and walk instead of taking the metro to the lab he works at, but it should be doable. After years of living with Mika and Lisa and then rooming up with some classmates from college these past years, he cannot imagine a greater joy than not being woken up by people having loud and long sex behind thin walls, finding the bathroom free – and even more important, moderately clean – when he needs it and getting to actually drink the coffee he brewed instead of having a roomie steal it with a “Thanks for the coffee, Lu, I needed that”.

As of tonight, he will be able to walk around his flat in his underwear without somebody either wolf-whistling or making gagging sounds, and without fear of walking into some strange girl in the kitchen.

That is, if he can actually get all his odds and ends packed.

He’s kneeling in front of the closet, stuffing a cardboard box with some notebooks that had been living on the bottom of it, behind his shoes. He should probably just throw them out, but he has no time to check what they are first, so in the box they go. A few books he is sure he never even read – maybe from French Lit during high school? – get the same treatment, and then the closet is blissfully empty, save for a few crumpled-up notes. He gathers them up with a sweep of his arm, ready to toss them in the trash bag he has brought in yesterday, when suddenly he hears the voice of Daphné berating him for not recycling properly. With a sigh and a glance at the clock – he really doesn’t have the time – he starts to straighten out the notes to put them in the waste paper box by the front door.

There’s a grocery list from who knows when, a draft for an essay he hopes turned out better than the drivel on the page he’s currently holding, a note from Arthur telling him there’s a party at Alexia’s next Friday. A phone bill. A dusty post-it note with deadlines for assignments. A beer coaster on which somebody scribbled an address. A crunchy Kleenex – Lucas doesn’t straighten that one, but gingerly picks it up between the tip of his thumb and his pointer finger, trying not to gag as he wonders what exactly is caught between the folds as he discards it in the trash can. And a slip of course book paper, clearly torn out in haste, with a childish drawing of a raccoon and a hedgehog and a phone number.

Eliott.

Eliott had written down his phone number in Perpignan, early in the morning of the day he and his parents moved out, the truck having left with most of their possessions the day before, and their small car loaded to the brim with what was left.

Lucas had been thirteen, and Eliott his best friend – gregarious and spontaneous compared to overthinker Lucas, they’d been inseparable ever since the Demaury family had moved into the street where the Lallemants lived. They’d met in the small, sad, decrepit playground tucked between the building, where all the neighbourhood kids convened. There was not enough space in most flats for energetic kids to run around, and the playground was the best there was. The boys had taken to each other like a house on fire, something to do with a hedgehog their parents never really understood. Since Eliott was two years older than Lucas, his parents had allowed them to go play outside together whenever they could, and that was it. They’d come home most days dirty and ravenous and full of stories and giggles, and plans for the next day, the next week, summer holidays.

They’d been in the same primary school until Eliott had had to move up to middle school, and their parents had thought that might put a slight damper on the friendship, but it hadn’t. The weekends were still mostly spent together, even if it meant that Lucas had to content himself with sitting on the floor of Eliott’s bedroom amusing himself with some comics until the latter was ready with his school tasks. And the summers were still one long glorious period in which the boys would leave at sunrise and get back when the street lanterns came on, bursting then into the Demaury flat, then into that of the Lallemant, whenever they got thirsty or hungry or needed something for their strange adventures. They begged and begged until Lucas was allowed to go on summer vacation with the Demaurys to Marseille, and in return, Lucas’ parents took both kids on day trips to the zoo and the science museum and the beach and the fireworks on the fourteenth of July.

And when Lucas moved to middle school too, they’d meet up during lunch and recess and though both had some friends in their own classes, nobody ever really came in between Lucas and Eliott.

And then Mr. Demaury got a new job, in Perpignan, and just like eight years earlier, when they came to Paris, they packed up their belongings and left.

[tangledstarlight]

days go by and seasons change (lets try again next winter)

julie's ready for a year away from home, studying and trying to refind the magic in music. luke's about to start on a summer tour around europe opening for a band. they meet one night, sparks fly and emotions run hight. now they've just got to try and see if they can maintain a long distance friendship.

ok hello hi so this is my wild ride of a fic that i’m working on, a scene (much later on) came to me in a dream, and much like how smeyer wrote twilight, i just had to find out how they got there fhbdj there’s some drinking which would be classed as underage in the us but is legal in the uk which is where it’s set so 

trigger warnings!! alcohol and swearing

also on ao3 –– [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | extras 1 & 2 ]

winter

There was a line almost outside the door for the coffee shop, people wanting something to warm them up or just to avoid the sudden downpour of rain. Julie had been in England for just over a month now and she still wasn’t used to the randomly changing weather, how were you supposed to plan an outfit for the day if it started mildly sunny and ended in a thunderstorm? It was January! She had come prepared for snow, not rain, damn it.

From her table in the back corner of the cafe, hands wrapped around a mug and headphones blaring music, Julie people watched. Sure, she was supposed to be working on an essay, but she’d been there for half an hour already. She deserved a little break.

Even through her music she can hear the sounds of the cafe around her. Customers placing orders and rain on the windows and cups hitting tables and people laughing and it’s comforting. The sounds of life going on around her while she pretends to be doing work.

Pretends, because she’s been trying to work on this essay for a week now and getting nowhere with it.

When she’d signed up for the study abroad scheme her mind had been on experiencing a new country, on the places she could visit, the new friends she could make, the thoughtful looks she could escape.

She hadn’t thought much about the work she would have to do, the essays that would need to be written, the awkwardness of settling into a new place, the strangeness of hearing new accents.

The actual creative side of her course she found easy enough, but when it came to writing about her stylistic choices and her themes and her influences and how they all tied back with what they’d been reading about? She was drawing a blank.

Blowing on her drink, Julie let her eyes wander around the coffee shop. It was a fairly small place with an extensive collection of teas and fresh baked cakes and free wifi. She’d found it by mistake while looking for a music shop her first week in the city, they’d lured her in with carrot cake and coffee and she’d been coming back at least once a week ever since. A group of boys push through the door, shaking off hoods and laughing at something as they join the queue.

Something about them seemed vaguely familiar, like she’d seen them from a distance in a dark club, or scrolled past a group photo of them on her instagram suggested posts. Or maybe it was because they just looked like every other group of young adults she’d come across, both back home and in Liverpool. One thing she had learnt pretty quickly was that boys were the same everywhere.

She was saved from mulling it over by her phone vibrating on the table with a text, Carrie’s name popping up on the screen and Julie swapped her cup for her phone, a small smile already tugging at her lips as she read the series of texts on her screen.

Julie’s attention is dragged away from her phone by something – someone – knocking into her table, sending her pen rolling off and her cup to shake. Pulling her headphones out of her ears she looks up as the culprits eyes widen, mouth pulling into a grimace as he stares at the coffee now running down the back of her jacket that had been happily sitting in the spare chair.

“Shit,” he mutters, already pulling a napkin out of his back pocket and dabbing at the mess. “I’m so sorry, I uh– wasn’t looking and the chair leg and fuck I’m so sorry about your jacket, can it be dry cleaned?”

And he looks so sincere in his apology, all wide sad eyes and words stumbling out too quickly and messy brown hair curling out from under a beanie and accent that sounds like home, that Julie swallows back the annoyed retort she had ready to go.

It was just an accident. Accidents happened. At least it wasn’t over her laptop. Blowing out a breath, Julie shakes her head at him once, pushing back her chair to inspect the damage.

“It’s fine, honestly. Don’t–” she pauses, holding up the denim on either side of the collar and frowning at the pretty large brown stain. “Worry about it.”

Can she wash it? She’s never tried, but well. She bites her lip as she looks at it, the stranger awkwardly standing just a short distance away with a wad of used napkins and his half spilt drink, and yeah, she definitely won't be able to wear it tonight.

“I’m so sorry.” He says again and someone must catch his attention over her shoulder because his eyes dart away from her, eyebrows shooting up and shrugging his shoulders and, it’s kinda cute. The way he seems to be hovering, unsure if she’s going to shout at him.

“Seriously, it’s fine. Accidents happen, right?” She shoots him a quick smile – though not missing the way his cheeks turn slightly pink – before turning back to her jacket, carefully laying it out on the chair to hopefully dry out enough for her to stuff it in her bag before she needs to leave. She really hopes it stops raining.

“I uh– shit I’m sorry. Again. I gotta–” He gestures to the door where Julie can see his friends waiting for him, barely contained grins on all their faces that has Julie rolling her eyes. Boys. She looks back at him, raising an eyebrow even as her lips tick up into a small smile, she’s rewarded by his cheeks going red, the hand still holding the napkins rubbing at the back of his neck and a stuttered ‘goodbye’.

Sitting back down, Julie rolls her eyes again, muttering under her breath about ‘annoying cute boys’ and ‘favourite jackets’. Leaning down to pick up her fallen pen with one hand while the other tapped out a reply to Carrie. An hour more of sitting here, attempting to do her essay and then she’d have to go if she wanted enough time to get ready.

\\

“So where are you?”

Julie couldn’t hear what was being said on the other side of the phone, but judging by the way Carrie was rolling her eyes the answer wasn’t correct. Flynn leans her head on Julie’s shoulder, their linked arms drawing them closer as they walk, it’s not the most comfortable way to walk, but they’ve already had a few drinks and Flynn gets a little clingy after one. Julie puts her head on top of Flynns as they stumble along cracked stone streets.

“She actually might end up killing Bobby at this rate,” Julie mutters and is rewarded with Flynn letting out a laugh that has Carrie looking over her shoulder at them, eyes softening for a moment before she’s rolling them again. If she hadn’t known the other girl as long as she had, Julie would be worried about permanent eye damage.

“Fucking hell. Okay. Yeah, okay we’ll be like, ten minutes then. Yeah, yeah, okay bye.”

Sliding her phone into her back pocket Carrie took a half step back so she was walking with them again, linking her arm on Flynns other side.

“They’re at the Cavern Club,” Carrie looks at Julie over the top of Flynn’s head and lets out a loud sigh, “I know. That’s where we were going to go anyway. They’re so annoying.”

But she says it in a fond sort of way. Like how you talk about your neighbour's dog that barks too early in the morning and wakes you up, but always runs over to say hello to you through the fence when you walk past and brightens up your day. Annoying, but sweet.

Julie’s only met Carrie’s cousin Bobby once, it had been a short ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ type interaction as he ran into Carrie’s house to pick up his bag and then run straight back out again.

She’s never met the other three members of the band at all, but she knows, after doing a little bit of internet searching, that their band isn’t half bad. They’ve got some pretty good songs and a small following that she is sure is bound to get bigger by the time they’ve finished being the opener for whoever they’re touring with and their first album is out in the world.

The three of them flash their id’s to the security on the door, slightly giddy smiles on all their faces even now, still not used to it all being legal for them to drink under the age of twenty-one. But the security guy doesn’t even blink and then they’re walking down a flight of stairs, the air getting warmer and the sound of drums and guitars reaching them.

Carrie grabs hold of Flynn's hand and Flynn grabs a hold of Julies and then they’re weaving through people and avoiding knocking drinks out of hands.

Her attention is pulled from the crowd to the stage at the back of the room, a band playing a cover of something she can’t name, they don’t sound too bad, and the part of her that used to fall in love with music every time she heard it wants to stop and listen. But that part of her is small and quiet and shy now, so she keeps her grip on Flynn’s hand and follows along.

Julie doesn’t know how Carrie knows where she’s going but all of a sudden they’re coming to a stop, her free hand reaching out to balance herself on Flynn’s shoulder even as a small part of her is still trying to work out what the song is.

Turning her eyes away from the stage she looks at the five boys sitting at the table, a collection of bottles scattered across the wood, and Julie smiles at Bobby who’s standing up to hug Carrie, opens her mouth to say hello before stopping. Her brows furrow as she locks eyes with a shaggy haired brunette who’s own eyes are widening in realisation.

“You!” She blurts out before she can stop herself, and if anyone asks she would blame it on the three drinks she had before leaving the dorms, detangling her fingers from Flynn’s to point at him. With the music blaring so loud only the boys still sat at the table and Flynn heard her, the latter turning to raise her brows while Julie can see the boys trying not to laugh.

“He’s the guy who spilt coffee on my jacket earlier,” she shouts over the music, hand gesturing wildly at the table and Flynn follows her hand, eyes resting on the culprit.

“That was her favourite jacket!” Flynn props one hand on her hip and almost glares at him, but it loses part of its ‘scare factor’ when she starts swaying a little in place to the music. Well, Julie thinks it should lose some of it’s scaring power, but the guy still looks kinda worried, so who’s Julie to know?

“I said I was sorry!” He puts his hands up, shoulder raising to almost his ears, and with his eyes already open so wide and his hair curling slightly at the ends, Julie has to wonder how much trouble that look has gotten him out of over the years.

“You guys have already met?” Bobby jumps into the conversation before Julie has a chance to reply and Carrie is looking between them, lips pursed.

“This is the girl whose jacket Luke ruined earlier,” the blonde one says and Julie vaguely recognises him as being one of the boys from the cafe.

“Dude,” Bobby raises his eyebrows at the jacket ruiner – Luke, Julie reminds herself – shaking his head in disappointment.

“It was an accident!” Luke turns his sad kicked puppy look on Bobby before looking back at Julie, his hands lowering but his eyes still drastically wide, “I really am sorry about it.”

Julie tries, she really does, to hold on to that small kindle of annoyance that she’d felt upon seeing him again. But well, the jacket is already ruined and she’s come out to avoid doing an essay and she’s finding it really hard to be mad at someone so cute. Blowing out a breath she shakes her head at him.

“It’s fine, I’ll forgive and forget the whole thing if you buy me a drink.”

“That I can do,” the furrow in his brows smooths out and his shoulders relax and suddenly there’s a smile spreading across his face that seems to light up his eyes.

“So, you’ve met Luke. That’s Reggie, he’s our bassist,” Bobby nods at the dark haired guy sitting next to Luke who grins and waves, and it’s such an infectiously happy wave that Julie can't help but wave back. “Alex, kickass drummer,” the blonde who spoke earlier ducks his head a little, an almost shy smile on his face as he nods at them, “And Willie. Officially he’s one of our roadies, unofficially he’s just here to hype us up and do cool tricks in empty arenas.” Willie, who’s sat pressed against Alex’s side, raises his hand in a wave.

“This is Julie and this is Flynn,” Carrie points at them each before claiming the seat next to Alex and looking at Luke, “We’ll take 3 vodka lemonades. Please.” She only adds the please on the end after Flynn sits next to her, nudging her elbow into her side, Julie notices with a smile.

There’s a moment of bodies moving as Luke gets up from his side of the table, pulling Bobby along with him towards the bar and Reggie is waving his hand at her, nodding at the empty space along the bench next to him that she slides into gratefully.

They can’t really see the stage set up from here, but the music is still just as loud and Julie starts nodding her head along to the beat, trying to focus on the conversation happening on the other side of the table. Something about Carrie’s group and choreography and convincing someone to add in a dance break to a song. She’s laughing at something Willie said when a glass is slid across the table in front of her, a bottle of something passing over her to Reggie and she looks up in time to see Luke sliding into the space next to her, a small smile on his face.

“Forgiven and forgotten?” He asks, eyebrow quirked as he lifts his own drink, tilting it towards her in invitation.

“Forgiven and forgotten,” she agrees picking her glass up and tapping it against his beer bottle, shooting him a smile of her own before chasing the straw of her drink to take a sip, trying hard not to blush at the intensity of his stare.

//

It’s two hours later, three drinks and a deeply regrettable shot later, happily on the precipice of truly drunk but hanging out in tipsy land, when Julie shakes her head at Luke who’s standing on the bench. Tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration as he writes on the curved brick of the ceiling.

“Dude no ones gonna be able to even read that!” Reggie complains from next to her, his eyes squinting as if it will help him to read their names better. It doesn’t, Julie’s already tried.

“Why did we let the one with the worst handwriting do this?” Alex tilts his head to look up at Luke, who waves the hand not holding the pen in his face, almost hitting him but missing by several inches to the left and it sets them all off giggling.

“Because the rest of you are cowards!” He wobbles a little as he shuffles his feet to change angle, and Julie reaches out on instinct to hold his leg, fingers wrapping around his calf as if it will stop him from falling. His head drops down to look at her, teeth biting his bottom lip as he smiles at her quickly before going back to the ceiling.

To leave his – their – mark on a legendary musical site. Luke's words, the rest of them hadn’t been able to talk him out of it so they’d gone right into encouraging.

“I think you’re getting cowards and idiots mixed up,” Carrie mutters, head propped up on her hands, elbows resting on the table. Well, Reggie and Julie and Willie had gone straight to encouraging, the others were still on teasing.

“Do you want your name added or not?” Luke grumbles but Julie can see his pen moving, going over the letters of what she assumes is meant to be Dirty Candi, and bites her cheek to not laugh.

“Don’t forget it’s an ‘i’ instead of ‘y’ for candy!” Flynn leans forward, eyes on the ceiling as she shouts up at him and Luke says something, but it’s too quiet for any of them to hear.

It isn’t until he moves to get off the bench that Julie realises she still has her hand wrapped around his calf, her fingers idly tapping along to the song some guy with a guitar is playing behind them. Heat fills her cheeks (that she’ll blame on how warm it is in the club and the alcohol in her system thank you very much) as she lets go, pulling her hand back into her lap, watching from the corner of her eye as he jumps down and back into his seat, a proud smile on his face.

“Now when we’re big and famous people can come and hunt our names down.”

“And finally realise that you have awful writing and question how any of our songs get written,” Bobby grins at him, elbow nudging his side which sends Luke leaning into her to try and avoid it, sliding along the bench until there’s no space between them, and she can’t find it in herself to be too mad about it. He smells like tequila and mint and aftershave all mixed together, not really a good combination, but one she finds herself liking anyway.

“Well why don’t you start writing the songs, huh?” Luke retorts, and starts a back and forth with Bobby, Alex chiming in and Flynn watching it all like a tennis match, and Juile tries to follow it, but all she can think about is how Luke hasn’t moved back. How his thigh is pressed against her leg and his arm is resting around her back, hand near her hip and how if she wanted to, she could rest her chin on his shoulder and kiss his neck.

Not that she wants to kiss his neck. Does she?

Julie furrows her brows, biting her lip as she examines those thoughts, tries to decide if it’s the alcohol or the music or her lack of sleep or if she just wants to kiss him.

Flynn says something and it makes him laugh, loud and bright and unrestrained, head thrown back and eyes closed. And yeah, she just wants to kiss him. Fuck.

//

Reggie slings an arm around her shoulders, the other going over Flynns and tugging them together until their cheeks are all pushing together and Julie giggles, poking at his side with her partially trapped arm.

“What do we think chocolate tequila is like?” He asks, eyes glued to the chalkboard menu above them.

“Not as nice as the summer fruits one,” Julie says back, wrinkling her nose a little at the memory of when she’d tried it. If you liked chocolate, it was a bitter disappointment in her opinion. But she was also drunk enough now not to mind.

“Alex says we can’t get the coffee one. Thinks we’ll have a repeat of the red bull incident.” Luke appears on her other side, pushing his body into the small gap between her side and the next group of people. He’s stood so he’s facing her – them – and rests one arm on the counter top.

“Man he’s gotta get over that, it was one time,” Reggie mutters and Julie wants to ask what the ‘red bull incident’ is, but then Flynn is sliding three shot glasses towards them, salt and limes following, apparently having ordered without any of them noticing.

“We’re standing with mango!” Flynn shouts, shot already in one hand and salt on the other, clearly waiting for the three of them to catch up. Reggie lowers his arms and Julie can feel Luke’s hand brush past her arm as he moves to lick the back of his hand, she can feel herself flushing as she watches him do it. And is happy to note that he flushes just the same as he watches her lick her hand in turn.

Idly, Julie notices that Reggie counts them down, that Luke inclines his head at her before he lifts his shot to his lips, that Julie lifts her own, the liquid sliding down her throat with a slight burn that’s not eased at all by the lime she bites into. She squeezes her eyes shut against it and when she opens them sees Luke grinning at her, eyes full of something she can’t name but makes her want to blush again.

“Y’know what? Screw Alex, four of the coffee my good man!” Reggie shouts next to her, waving a hand at the bartender in front of them who just rolls their eyes but puts out four more shot glasses.

“Okay, you gotta tell us about the red bull incident,” Flynn finally asks what had been nibbling at the back of her mind from the moment Luke had spoken so she pulls her attention away from him and back to her friends as Reggie launches into his story that even grabs the attention of the bartender for a moment.

But Luke is a warm presence at her side, leaning into her space and breath ghosting against her neck as he chimes in the story. If she stepped back, just a little, she could lean her back against his chest. She wonders if he’d wrap an arm around her waist to hold her steady? Julie blinks and blows out a breath, raising an eyebrow as Reggie talks.

“Wait, how’d you get onto the roof?”

//

“So why Liverpool?” Luke asks, hands stuffed into the pockets of his coat as they aimlessly walk through almost empty streets, faint music coming from clubs and other drunk people giggling in doorways. The fresh air has helped a little to sober her up, but not enough for her to know where they’re going. But they’re following Carrie, who has a plan for the night and they’ve no option but to follow it.

Julie wraps one arm around herself, the other pushing hair over one shoulder as she thinks about it. There isn’t really a big fancy answer, no special reason for her choice, she shrugs at Luke, lips ticking up into a smile.

“It was the only place still with spots open,” she can see the slight confusion on his face and explains more, “I wasn’t going to take the study abroad year, but I changed majors and I needed to get away from home for a while. Carrie and Flynn had already signed up and the internet said the train didn’t take too long to get to Manchester or Glasgow.”

“You changed majors?”

Of all the things she’s said that hadn’t been the part she’d thought Luke would zone in on. It wasn’t really something she liked to talk about much, her fall away from music. She still loved it, still listened and wrote and sang, but the passion she’d once had, the magic she’d once felt whenever she sat at a piano? It had gone away. Had been gone for a long time. Had been gone for four years and she’d only been pretending she still felt the magic.

Everything she played or wrote was missing something and no one had seemed to notice but here.

It hadn’t been until one of her teachers in first year had pointed something out that Julie had finally confessed. And changed course and major the next week.

Everyone had tried to understand, had listened as she explained why she couldn’t do it. How her mom and music were so intertwined together in her head and her heart that it felt impossible to detangle them, to love and play music without always feeling like there was something missing. But she knew they didn’t really get it

So she’d signed up for the study abroad, and picked Liverpool because they had a good English Lit course and was close enough to her friends if she needed them. Okay, so maybe she’d lied a little, there was a fancy answer for why she’d moved, but picking Liverpool had just been random.

“Yup,” she pops the ‘p’ and glances ahead of them, where Willie has Alex clinging on to his back, running through a puddle and laughing loud and clear. She can’t help but smile at them, at the carefree way Willie spins around and Alex holds tighter, face red with whatever he’s trying to say between laughs. Luke must follow her gaze because he lets out a soft snort of laughter, and she can see him shake his head from the corner of her eye.

“I’d hate them if they weren’t so adorable together,” he muttered, but his gaze is soft as they both watch the couple; Willie lets Alex off his back and grabs hold of his hand before he had a chance to get too far away. They’re all soft eyes and teasing smiles and vibes that scream about being in love, you’d have to be blind not to see it. Julie looks away, feeling like she’s intruding on a private moment as they share a kiss.

“Tell me about the tour,” Julie says, drawing Lukes attention back to her and it’s the right thing to say because his face lights up with a smile that she’s sure is going to drive girls wild one day soon.

//

Julie nods along with the song blaring through the speakers, mouthing the words so herself as she scrolls through her phone, ignoring the press of bodies crowding the smoking area as best she can. From her spot near the wall, opposite the door, she can see Carrie and Willie and Alex dancing together, wide smiles and heads thrown back.

Flynn and Reggie are talking to a group of people off to the side and Julie can see the way Flynn has pulled her braids over one shoulder and is gesturing to Reggie every few words the way she does when she’s trying to hype someone up (she knows, from having been on the receiving end of it, many times). Bobby, standing with them, seems to find the whole thing hilarious, grinning around the cigarette hanging from his lips.

“Okay, favourite book?” Luke asks, leaning in close to be heard over the noise and if he doesn’t move back, well Julie’s not about to complain. The little space heaters on the wall don’t provide much warmth, and it’s January and she’s cold and someone ruined her jacket.

“Currently or of all time?” She asks, raising an eyebrow as she turns her head a little to look at him. Her heart stutters for a second at how close his face is to hers, she can see the small flecks of green in his eyes, can feel his breath ghost across her cheeks.

“Current,” he says and she can see as his eyes flicker down to her lips quickly before back up to her eyes and Julie really hopes she’s not blushing right now.

“Stardust. By Neil Gaiman. I’m reading it for one of my classes and it hits all the boxes for a fairytale.” She likes fairy tales, likes the idea of them, likes the message of true love and pure of heart and happily ever afters. This one just happened to involve lightning pirates which was a bonus. Okay, so maybe the lightning pirates were mostly a film detail, but still. “Favourite food?”

“There’s this little hole in the wall place down by the strip? They do the best cheeseburgers. If I could have one for every meal, I would.”

They’re still standing close together, eyes staring too intensely for a game of twenty questions and comments about cheeseburgers and Julie’s eyes flicker to his lips, can see the way they’re pulling up a little on one side. She wants to lean forwards, close the gap between them and press her lips against his. But then she shivers, shoulders hunching up around her ears as she rubs her bare arms, conscious of how close they’re sitting and how much she just kind of wants to steal his body heat.

“Are you cold?” He’s biting his lip, pulling back out of her personal space and Julie almost whines at the loss of contact and body heat and – well maybe she’s too drunk to be making smart choices right now if she’s five seconds away from whining.

“Well someone ruined my jacket,” she points out, eyebrows raised at him and is rewarded with his cheeks flushing and one hand rubbing at the back of his neck which she’s quickly coming to realise means he’s embarrassed or just a little flustered.

“I thought we’d agreed to forgive and forget about that?” He mumbles and before she can come up with a response Luke is standing up, shrugging his jacket off his shoulders and then he’s carefully draping it over her shoulders, fingers tapping lightly on her arm until she holds it out for him to slip through one arm hole, doing the same on the other side and then pulling her hair out from under the collar.

It’s too big on her, but the faux fur inside is soft on her skin and still warm from Luke and she can stick her thumbs through the little gaps created by the fastened buttons and if she turned her head a little she could smell his aftershave clinging to the collar. Julie can’t help the little smile that graces her face, rotating her shoulders to let the coat settle better on her body.

Looking up at him her brows furrow a little at the look on his face (if she wasn’t so drunk and giddy and tired she’d say it was something like awe but that made no sense. Why would Luke be looking at her in awe while she wore his jacket?), but it’s gone just as quickly as it appeared and he’s smiling at her, that wide smile from back at the start of the night when he’d handed her her drink and she’d tapped it against his.

“Thanks,” she tilts her head to the side, loose curls falling across her cheeks as she looks at him, a wide smile of her own and she opens her mouth to say something else – though she’s not sure what she’s going to say – when another voice cuts through and pops the little bubble they’ve created.

When did they even create their private conversation bubble? Julie doesn’t know, and from the way Luke’s head whips around to land on Flynn and Reggie and Bobby with wide eyes, he probably doesn’t know either. But it’s nice to know that he’d been enjoying their conversation as much as she had.

“We’re gonna get food, come on!”

//

“I wanted to be wrapped up in bed an hour ago,” Julie sighed but there’s no real annoyance in her tone as she hugs Luke’s jacket closed tight across her chest, shoulder brushing against his arm as they walk.

“But you also wanted pizza instead of McDonalds like everyone else.” And Luke has a point but she still pulls a face, sticking her tongue out at him and getting a laugh in return. She couldn’t even be annoyed at it, he had a nice laugh.

Plus, when she’d said she wanted pizza Luke was the only one who’d wanted to come with her, the rest of their friends going back to their hotels. He’d walked all the way to the takeaway with her, shared half of his chips and then started walking her back to her dorm, insisting on carrying her half eaten pizza too. It was all very sweet and kind and not helping her not want to kiss him.

“Where’s your first stop?” She asks, because he was about to start a tour and she had school and maybe if they were both back home they might have been able to give something a go, but they weren’t and Julie wasn’t really a one night stand kind of person.

“We’re heading up to Newcastle on Sunday to kick it all off,” there was a slight bounce in his step, his excitement almost palpable and Julie could tell that this was all he’d ever wanted. To play music to as many people as he could. A small part of her remembered what that was like, to want to share your songs with the world.

“Sing something!” She pulled him to a stop in the middle of the street, bouncing a little on the balls on her feet and grinning at him. Because she was still a little drunk and she missed feeling excited about playing music and here was this sweet charming guy who loved it so much and felt it with everything he had and Julie wanted to be like that again too. She wanted to think about music without it being tinged with sadness.

“What?” He laughed, eyes a little wide and glassy and with his hair looking more wild then it had when they’d started the night, but Julie was pretty sure she looked the same so she didn’t comment.

“Sing! Anything! Please?” Julie tried pouting at him, doing her best impression of Carlos and his puppy dog eyes and something about it must have worked because Luke huffs out a laugh as he looks at her, biting his lip in thought for a moment before he nods his head for them to keep walking before he starts singing.

His voice is a little rough, from screaming lyrics in the clubs and shouting to be heard in the bars, and his words are a little slurred because he’s a little drunk and a lot tired, but Julie’s sober enough to decide it’s one of the best versions of Mamma Mia she’s ever heard. As he gets to the first chorus she joins in.

They were just two slightly drunk young adults, singing in the street and if nothing else comes of his night she’ll always have this memory of unadulterated joy.

“You can sing,” he whispers and now it’s Luke’s turn to pull her to a stop with a hand on her arm and a look of wonder on his face. Julie shrugs a little and can feel her cheeks heating, but she keeps their eye contact and smiles at him.

“Only drunk in the streets.” Which is more true then he’ll ever know.

Luke opens his mouth to say something but she cuts him off by pointing over his shoulder at the building behind them.

“This is me.” She’s not sure what to do now, take her pizza and run? That seems a little rude, and unsafe. Julie’s not sure she can actually run in these shoes without falling. Luke looks over his shoulder quickly before looking back at her, blowing out a breath and nodding.

“Right, right.” He seems just as unsure as she is about what to do now, which makes Julie feel a little better about it.

“I should–”

“Can I–”

They both start at the same time and then Julie is laughing and Luke is huffing out a breath while a smile grows on his face. The only thing between them is a pizza box and she doesn’t miss the way his eyes keep flickering down to her lips.

“I can’t kiss you!” She blurts out, a hand quickly going up to cover her mouth and Luke’s eyes widen, taking a half step back, retracting his hand like he’d been burnt.

“That wasn’t– I– this–” Luke started stuttering, face going red and Julie quickly shook her head at him.

“That came out wrong! Fuck. I–” She curled her hands into fists at her sides, squeezing her eyes shut before opening them, “I want to kiss you, but I can’t.”

The shock on his face had softened at the start of her sentence only to morph into confusion at the end.

“You’re gonna have to explain this to me, Molina.” Luke still looks confused, but he’s still standing in front of her and that’s enough for her.

“I like you,” she dips her head as she says it, because Julie’s pretty sure she could really like him if given the chance, “but I’m no good at one night...things and you’re about to go on a tour and I’m stuck here and I just, I think– I think I’d like us to be friends. I think we could be really good friends actually.”

Because they’d only spent a few hours together and she’d laughed and smiled more in that time then she had in awhile. Luke was sweet and funny and had something to say about every song the DJ picked to play but sang along anyway. Which is why she doesn’t want to risk a friendship for one night in bed. The confusion on Luke’s face turns into understanding and the soft, slightly sad smile that he gives her tells Julie that she’s right. A friendship with him would be better than one really fun night.

“I get it,” and he carefully puts his hand back on her arm, squeezing slightly before pulling away. “And, for the record, I’m not very good at one night things either.”

Her heart beat sounds loud in her ears and it takes Julie a moment to refocus her thoughts. Friendship. No kissing. Friendship.

“Well, maybe if we can keep a friendship going until we next see each other we can try this moment again,” she waves her hand around them with a small laugh. They could probably keep a friendship going long distance, but Julie isn’t so sure that they’ll ever get a moment like this again.

“Deal,” Luke grins down at her and pulls his phone out of his back pocket and unlocks it, Julie raises her eyebrows at him when he holds it out for her, “In order to keep in touch we’re gonna need to exchange numbers.”

“You make a point,” she agrees, putting in her information and handing it back to him in exchange for her pizza box. “Text me when you get back to your hotel, okay? So I know you didn’t get lost.”

“Yes, boss.” His smile is a little teasing now and Julie shakes her head at him as she brushes past him to walk into her dorm. She’s half way across the road when stops in her tracks to turn back at him.

“Wait, I’m still wearing your jacket.” Julie stars to shrug the item off when Luke shakes his head, already starting to walking backwards down the street.

“No, keep it!” He shouts with a smile, “Means we’ll have a reason to see each other again and have another go at this.”

Julie just shakes her head at him with a laugh, watching as he walks away before tightening her grip on the box and finally making it into her dorm. She’s still got an essay to write and a pile of laundry to put away and magic in music is still missing, but she’s gotten herself a new jacket and a friend who she thinks could make her life a little brighter. So she’ll forgive and forget that she's home an hour later than promised.

[finita--la--commedia]

Hi there. How have you been lately? And how is the writing of your book going?

I have been good, thank you for asking. I am compiling several books at the same time. Quotes from my 2 blogs here: the old one and this one. I divided posts into several books and will publish “The Letters” first. Quotes from the letters I posted and selected from the period of July 2017 to March 2020. The epistolary genre (published letters) in the literature I respect the most and therefore, if you noticed, I post a lot of quotes. I am on the page 280 right now. Then, there will be a separate book with the quotes from the poetry, part 1, I have already finished, but will publish later, after “The Letters”: 314 pages in total. And I have already started the second part, I am on the page 64. “Philosophy and aphorisms” -- on the page 63 right now. “Literature” -- on the page 114. “Non-fiction: diaries, interviews, movie quotes, memoirs, essays, etc.” -- on the page 105. I go from one post to another and sort them out which file to save the quote in. Sometimes, I get so tired, I wished I didn’t post that much )))) I want every quote to have as much information as possible: the title, the Author, years of life / death of the Author and correspondents, the names of the translators to respect their hard work... so the reader knew who is the Author and which book the quote is from, when they lived, when a letter or a book was written. I see many posts with quotes here with no information at all, and people keep asking: which book is it ? Who is the Author ? It irritates and robs them. I also hope, that if the reader enjoys the quote, he might want to read the whole book, and it will be easy for him to find it or, to find the quote in the book. In addition, in the end of each book, there will be the list of all sources I used to compile the book, including the publishers and websites. It requires a lot of work, and some days I work for 17 hours non stop, at the same time, trying to keep this blog running. I enjoy it, though. A lot. And determined to finish all, that I have planned, because, as with my first book, all the profit from sales, every single penny, will go to the various children’s charities. Thank you for your message. 

[mx-metronome]

Say, remember when I posted Thorton and I said I also planned on including a short essay about my art and true satisfaction? Well I have a few hours to kill before bed, so here is that essay. (Read More doesn’t work on mobile, I am so sorry)

I’ll start with establishing that everyone has that art. That one medium that really makes them happy, that sincerely drives them to improve if for no other reason than to learn and delve deep into their craft. Music, painting, knitting, it doesn’t matter.

Some pursue an art for the sake of wanting to impress others, then get frustrated when it doesn’t come easy. For them, practice is painful, and no enjoyment comes of it. It feels like a chore to them. But once they find that art, they stop caring about recognition, and they stop attaching their self worth to how skilled they are in that art.

My art is cross stitch. It has been for nearly a decade. Through all my years of high school, I desperately wanted to be good at something so that other people would like me. I wanted to define myself as an individual for everyone to see. Then one fateful day in April 2010, I picked up cross stitch, but not for any of the reasons above: I started because I felt it was something that I would truly enjoy. I always fancied pixel art, and I wanted to do something with my hands instead of a computer screen, so it felt natural to pick it up.

Right away, my life improved. I forgot about most of my social insecurities, and my self esteem began to climb. I started off small, with little pixel arts like Pokémon and Mario characters. The projects got bigger over time, but not big enough that I felt overwhelmed. I had a small part time job my senior year, and it paid well; I took all that money I made and immediately blew it on more supplies. Slowly, my collection of fabric, floss, and needles grew. My patterns started to as well, as I was itching to extend my skill as far as I could imagine. For the first six years, everything was fantastic.

Somewhere down the line, things changed. As I graduated college and my mental state worsened, I took steps backward back into my high school years when I was so concerned about what others thought of me. My projects got so absurdly large that it took so much energy to finish them, but I worked so hard to impress people.

At first, it worked: Barista Klug (2017) is a perfect example of this. Going into this doozy of a project, my heart was in the right place for the first three months, but as winter turned to late spring, my depression symptoms became severe. There were a handful of days where I couldn’t even move from my bed, the first days of their kind. My passion was dying, and it was frustrating to me. Cross stitch slowly ceased to be fun.

I saw him to his completion, but I was coping with a lot of stress at the time, so he didn’t feel as satisfying to finish as I had imagined. After I posted him on tumblr, and he didn’t get the notes on here that I felt reflected my efforts, things only got worse. I continued to start new, overambitious projects in an attempt to get people to notice me; I felt like a little fame and recognition would help me feel not so alone. But of the four or five massive projects I have started since, none of them have even come close to getting done.

Over the next year, the stitching just...stopped. I started a few more projects, sincerely believing a few times that my stitch itch had come back, but it never lasted long enough. I wasn’t doing anything with my hands, nothing was keeping my mind at bay. One particular day in 2017 stands out to me as the worst depression day ever, but the entirety of 2018 was my worst depression year. I was artistically stagnant, and although I knew cross stitching could be my saving grace, I never had the motivation to do it.

I finished a single cross stitch for the whole of 2018: a small, quick one of Ralsei from Deltarune, in a desperate attempt for stitching to fix my broken soul. Even though he wasn’t nearly as overwhelming a project, I stitched him for the wrong reasons: he was easy notes. It was another difficult time in my life, and I needed the attention.

This year, 2019, I feel is when I started to improve. I took a semester off of school to mentally heal, and in this momentary ceasefire, I tried to pick up cross stitch again through another overambitious project, Agent 9 the monkey. Upon completion, he will stand as my cross stitch project with the second most number of stitches, so he’s no picnic! Like Barista Klug, things were smooth for the first 3 or 4 months, but he’s since gone under hiatus, just like the rest, and I haven’t picked him up since.

So where did I go wrong? I asked myself for years. Why doesn’t this make me happy anymore? Why was I so satisfied with my work in my youth, but now I hate the mere thought of it? Saying it all aloud now, I’m certain the answer is crystal clear to all of you. But I wanted to pinpoint an answer in hopes of pursuing my craft so relentlessly and with wild abandon like I did a decade ago. I wanted a signal in this darkness...

After almost four years of complete darkness and confusion, at the end of June 2019, I received my signal. Still coping with my depression, I heard a new Pokémon game was coming out for mobile, and one of my fav (and super obscure) characters of all time would be in the core game. The clouds started to lift as my heart attached itself to an old lost fandom, granting me an urge, one that can only be granted by pure, distilled hype.

Enter Factory Head Thorton.

I knew I HAD to cross stitch him, to encapsulate the spirit that I hadn’t felt in so long. But this time, I did things differently: Why make a giant pattern with all the intricate details when this guy has sprites from the DS era, sprites that are easily transposable into a cross stitch pattern? I knew his sprite was small enough that I could finish him before school was back in session, but I’d have to work fast.

While I was working on the spritework for the pattern one July night, I had to pause and cry about it. To this day I am uncertain what triggered it, but working on this pattern filled me with such a raw happiness, the likes of which I’d never felt before. I was feeling true contentment for the first time in over half a decade, and I couldn’t contain my relief. As I began the stitching itself, that contentment carried over into my handiwork. I wasn’t stitching him because it would be a quick grab for notes (he’s obscure enough of a character as it is); I was making this stitching for myself, just a little something tangible that I made with my two hands. (If I ever came off as though notes on him were important to me, it was less for fame and more for shooting a flare into a dormant corner of a fandom and hoping I could make some new connections.)

Yeah, I felt satisfaction completing most of my other projects, but Thorton hit differently: Yeah, finishing him felt good, but working on him from start to finish felt even better, something I didn’t feel with Barista Klug or Ralsei. It was a sensation that sent me all the way back to high school, when I felt genuine passion and excitement in every stitch I made. This project was a meditation, almost a time capsule, even though I had only made the pattern a month prior.

From 2016 and on, none of my projects sparked joy. Thorton sparked joy, from beginning to end. So where did I lose my way? Well, I narrowed it down to two basic characteristics.

I think it was the spritework, what I suppose could be considered my traditional style when I first started in 2010. I moved away from sprites in 2015 or so, and it was about then that my art career started downhill. But going back to that style felt so perfect and ethereal, like it’s what I was always meant to do. I was very passionate about Barista Klug, but he wasn’t done in my old-timey sprite style.

Another contributing factor is likely whether or not I’m passionate about the subject and, by extension, whether I’m making the piece for attention over personal enjoyment. Am I considering how much I love that which I am stitching, or am I thinking about how much more people will love me once I’m done? Ralsei was indeed a sprite, but I made him for quick notes, seeing as I started and finished him while Deltarune was still at its peak popularity.

For the first time in nearly a decade, I stitched something that met both criteria, and it felt so powerful. I’m definitely taking this analysis to heart, and I aspire to pursue more projects like Thorton in the foreseeable future.

.........I say as I have already gathered $100 of materials for another HUGE latch hook project... Shame I figured this out a month too late, I suppose.

[siriuslytiff]

Somewhere In-Between Ch. 4

Harry Potter Fic | Romance/Drama | Charlie/OC

She wouldn’t let him see her cry. He’d seen it plenty of times before – for multiple different reasons. He’d seen her cry tears of joy after winning the cup second year. He’d seen her cry angry tears when Snape had unfairly failed one of her essays. He’d seen her cry out of grief when she got a letter from home letting her know the passing of cousin she’d grown up with and was close to. He’d even let her cry on his shoulder that time while he rubbed her back, telling her everything was going to be fine. But she wasn’t going to let him see her cry because of him.

Read on FF.net or Ao3 or HPFF

Back at the Burrow – Charlie’s POV

1991- Charlie had two days at home to unpack his Hogwarts trunk, repack for Romania, and purchase all the necessary goods. The reserve really hadn’t told him to bring much. The most important thing was going to be some wardrobe necessities. He would need a new pair of dragon hide pants and gloves. Molly insisted he would need a new coat but Charlie reasoned that the weather wouldn’t be that different from England and he could get a new winter coat later in the year.

A new wand however – that was priority number one.

When Charlie got back from Diagon alley the evening before he departed it was to find an anxious Ron sitting in the living room. His brother had promised him a surprise when he got back. Charlie was sure Ron anticipated some sweets or small trinket. Charlie wouldn’t soon forget the look of awe as he handed his old wand over to his youngest brother. Charlie was sure Ron would soon realize what it meant that he was getting a hand-me down wand and not a new one of his own – but for this moment it was nice to see the boy smile as he was gifted something all his own – something he didn’t have to share.

“Charlie,” Percy said from his spot at the table. He as two days into summer holidays and already working on school work. “Some post came for you.”

Percy pointed to an envelope sitting on the end of the table. Charlie grabbed it up and immediately recognized the neat handwriting. Amelia.

He shoved the letter deep in his pocket and stalked upstairs. Once he was in his room and had deposited the bags on his bed next to his open trunk, he sat at the small desk once shared with his older brother and sat the letter down. He sat looking at his name for what felt like ages. He only left when his mother called for dinner.

The entire family made a point to be there for his last night at home. His mother kept spontaneously breaking into tears as the twins kept giving completely unneeded warnings to their older brother.

“Charlie, I read somewhere whatever you do, you should under no circumstance bathe in sheep’s blood and walk around in front a dragon. They’re easily confused, see?” Fred had said.

“Yes, and also,” George said around a mouthful of potatoes, “it seems they have quite sharp teeth, brother mine. So do try to avoid them if possible.”

“And the claws,” Fred said, giving an over exaggerated shiver, “some could pull you apart in one swipe, Charlie.”

“That’s enough, boys,” Mr. Weasley said finally when Molly gave a petrified wail and clung to her second born.

“It’s going to be fine, Mum,” Charlie wrapped his arm around his distraught mother, “They won’t even let me near the dragons for the first bit. I’ll be fine. And you’re already planning to come visit for Christmas, right? You’ll get to see first-hand I’m fine. And I’ll write. You’ll be sick of me.”

Mrs. Weasley sniffled but returned to her food. When Fred made to open his mouth, Charlie cut his eyes at his brother in a way that hopefully said, “Say one word and I will kill you.” It must have worked because the older twin instead took a bite out of a roll.

Charlie trudged up the stairs after dinner to finish packing his trunk. He purposefully ignored the letter on his desk.

After having packed all he could, he finally reached for the letter again. Without giving it so much as a cursory glance, he stuffed it between two books on the small bookshelf Bill had managed to squish into their already too cramped room.

Then there was nothing left for Charlie to do but drift off into a restless sleep.

1992- It was nearly a year later when Charlie made it back to the Burrow. He’d known his brother was having an interesting first year at Hogwarts, to say the least. The first letter he got in Ron’s messy scrawl was to tell him he’d gotten into Gryffindor and that he’d met “The Harry Potter” on the train. He’d informed him that school had been brilliant and that Harry had made it onto the quidditch team – and that McGonagall thought they had an actual chance at the cup this year.

It was comforting to have his family visit for Christmas Holiday – though he did miss the youngest of the boys. He’d wanted to hear first-hand what it had been like for him to start at the school. But he was immensely proud of him for staying with his friend who would have otherwise been alone for the holiday. Molly got a little misty eyed when she had told him and assured Charlie she’d made “the poor boy” his own sweater as well.

The next he heard from his youngest brother was to ask for him and some friends to find a way to sneak onto school grounds in the middle of the nightto rescue a dragon. When he continued to read and find out that Hagrid was involved, Charlie wasn’t surprised.

It wasn’t long after the rescue he received a letter from his mother advising him that Ron had been in some sort of accident at school. He was okay but had taken part in some sort of risky task to retrieve something from deep within Hogwarts. Charlie had a flashback to his own time dealing with the Cursed Vaults at school. Charlie wrote back immediately saying he’d try to get some time off when he comes home for a few days.

When he made it back it was to find his older brother already lounging on his side of the room, book open as he relaxed.

“Didn’t know you were coming,” Charlie said as he threw his rucksack on his own bed. He sat down and began to unlace the heavy boots.

“Why are you hiding mail in my books?” Bill asked. Charlie knew it wouldn’t be a joyous reunion for the two oldest brothers - they’d actually seen each other multiple times while Charlie had been in Romania – but Bill’s blunt question still caught him off guard.

“What- “

“Found that stuffed in my copy of ‘Curse Breaking of the 5thCentury’.” Charlie saw the small envelope he’d received last year sitting on their desk again.

“Dunno,” Charlie lied as he moved to his other boot, “Ginny must’ve shoved it in there.”

“It’s a good thing you deal with monsters all day,” Bill said as he closed his book. He moved to sit on the edge of his bed and mirror his brother, “Because you’re a shit liar.”

“Don’t call them monsters,” Charlie said gruffly and then added, “I’m going to check on Ron.” And he left their shared space. Honestly, fuck Bill. He was only two years older but had the infuriating trait to walk around like he was wise beyond his years. And it was especially frustrating when his brother read him like an open book.

Though Charlie had assured his mother it would be a long while before he actually interacted with the dragons on the reserve, that had not been the case. Charlie hadn’t shared with his family (save for Bill) that after only about 6 months of classroom training, he was released to start working with the creatures. He did his best to keep it hidden when his parents came to visit for Christmas and had to be creative those few days he was home to hide his scars – as well as the tattoo of the Horntail that had the tendency to move its way down his right arm. His senior dragonologists on the reserve said he had a “knack” with the dragons and he was the first recruits to be given an actual shift to care for the creatures.

When he got back to the reserve from his stay at home he found he was promoted to the position of “Handler” – one of the youngest the reserve had seen in fifty years according to Doris Runcorn the lead dragonologist on the reserve.

1993- The following summer he found himself taking time off again to take a family trip with the entire Weasley clan to Egypt. The night before their departure he once again found himself in his old bedroom looking at the familiar, unopened envelope sitting on his desk. He had a feeling Bill had found the last hiding place – stuffed in an old shoe under his bed – and placed it there. It had been two years since he’d received the letter and there was a desperate part of him that wanted to open the it and pore over the contents. However, there was another part of him that argued they should just tear the letter to bits and be done with it. He decided a happy medium was stuffing it in one of jacket pockets in the bureau.

1994- The following summer he found himself once again at home – this time for the entirety of the summer. He’d been granted permission for leave for his extensive work he’d been doing to prepare for the upcoming Triwizard Tournament taking place at Hogwarts – and his future involvement in the competition. He was going to be lead on the task that delivered the four dangerous creatures to the Hogwarts grounds. His superiors thought that merited some extended time off.

He met Harry that summer and was pleased to find him to be an extraordinarily ordinary boy. Charlie enjoyed spending time with his younger siblings, playing quidditch in their makeshift pitch, and getting time to relax.

It had taken Bill no time to find the letter from Amelia this go around. Charlie had taken to sleeping with the offending piece of post under his pillow and storing it in his pants drawer during the day.

“Heard something interesting at work a few days ago,” Bill said. They sat in swim costumes next to the pond on a hot July day. Ginny, Hermione, and the twins were partaking in a raucous game of Chicken while Harry and Ron took turns trying to outdo the other as they found inventive ways to splash into the water.

“Wassat?” Charlie asked. He lay on the ground under a familiar oak tree. His mum had been out so he felt safe enough to have peeled off his t-shirt, showing a few new additions to the Horntail as well a number of shiny scars – after threatening each of his younger siblings and their guests within an inch of their life if they dared tell their mum about the tattoos.

“Amelia Rutledge is coming for the World Cup,” Bill looked intently at his brother, trying to gauge his reaction.   Charlie’s brow furrowed but he just hummed in response. He was fairly positive he heard his brother grumble, “You’re both impossible.” Before diving seamlessly into the water.

When Charlie made it to the grounds for the World Cup later that summer it wasn’t long before he and his brother found old school friend’s tents to sit outside and reminisce about school days. Charlie had found a pretty enough girl – he vaguely registered that she was in Bill’s year? Maybe even a year older? She wasn’t much for conversation though. She’d smiled and batted her eyes at him and commented how nice his hands looked. Her hand had ended up on his knee before he knew what was happening.

He felt pleasantly buzzed as the flagon of firewhiskey made its way back around to them. He took it and took a long pull before passing the liquid on. He looked over at her again. Her dull brown hair and light blue eyes were reminiscent of someone whose memory he tried desperately tried to push away. But he kept making unwanted comparison. This girl’s hair didn’t have the shimmer of the others. Her eyes seemed flat compared to his former friend. And she was just on the side of too thin for him. And what was this girl’s name again? Charlotte? Melinda?

“Amelia!” he heard someone say excitedly. His head snapped away from the cute brunette and, as if the image he was trying to suppress jumped out of his mind’s eye, Amelia Rutledge stood in front of him. Deep blue eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.

“Long time no see, Rutledge,” Jae Kim had stood next to Charlie and walked over to wrap her in a swift hug. “How’s our Head Girl doing?”

Charlie didn’t wait for a response. He stood and grabbed the hand that had been resting on his knee, tugging the girl with him as he stalked away from the fire and back to his tent.

1995- After the events that took place at end of the Tri-Wizard, Charlie found himself back in England a lot more often. He and Bill had officially joined the Order, much to their mother’s dismay, and would have to check in regularly with Dumbledore. He’d been tasked with foreign relations – keeping him in place in Romania and allowing him to travel some during his off time. Bill had transferred back to the main London office. And from the stories he’d heard from Bill about one Miss Delacour – there may be more than just the Order keeping him in place.

Charlie often stayed at Bill’s flat when he’d come for a visit. He told himself it was to catch up with his older brother and definitely not because that blasted letter had found its way onto his desk againand, after many years of being shuffled here and there, one corner had finally started to peel open.

It was one of these nights that Charlie was visiting where the two oldest Weasley boys decided a night at the Leaky Cauldron was long overdue.

“’Ave you ‘eard Fred and George’s plan after ‘ey’re done wit schoo?” Charlie said, trying his best to talk around the hot beef stew he’d shoveled into his mouth.

“You are disgusting and our mother would be ashamed,” Bill said, but there was no venom behind it and a smile in his voice. “And no, they haven’t.”

“Since when are you such a proper lad, mate?” Charlie joked, “It’s not like we’re in some fancy Frenchplace, it’s just the Leaky.” Bill laughed at his brother’s insinuation but made no attempt fight him on it. “They spotted that empty building down the way – the one that’s been sitting empty for ages. They say they want to start a joke shop there.”

“Well,” Bill said mulling it over as he blew on his own spoonful of soup, “If there were any of us who could do it, it would be Fred and George. Haven’t seen them accomplish anything they hadn’t set their mind to.” Bill thought for a moment then added, “And Ginny. She could do it on force of will alone.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Charlie tipped his ale in his brothers’ direction before taking a swig. “Reminds me, how’s the new position going?”

“Ah, just boring paperwork to be honest,” Bill said, “But you may be hearing more from me soon.”

“Oh, yeah? Why’s that?”

“They’re also putting me in charge of the Benevolence Foundation. We’re going to be looking for ‘worthy causes’ to donate a couple thousand galleons to.”

Charlie froze. “You’re joking.”

“’Fraid not,” Bill sighed and leaned back in his seat. “And I’m trying to get someone out to the reserve at some point. So please, when I do, try your best not to scare them off.”

“What are you talking about,” Charlie said, maybe a bit tetchier than was warranted, “Between the two of us, I’m the one who has all the charm, and I’m handsomer to boot.”

“Keep telling yourself that, Charlie,” Bill smirked and went order the two of them another round of ale.

Charlie left for the reserve two days later. Bill saw him off before he went in to his office. They stood next to the fireplace and said a quick goodbye. Bill told his younger brother to be careful on an upcoming trip to Egypt to meet with some old contacts of Bill’s and make sure the connections were still secure if needed. Charlie told Bill to man up and finally ask Fleur out. Bill shoved his shoulder but Charlie caught the faint flush to his cheeks. They embraced quickly and a moment later the fire was flashing green after the floo powder was thrown in and Charlie was gone.

Charlie still doesn’t know how Bill did it but as he was unpacking his bag that evening he found Amelia’s letter placed neatly between his folded shirts.

He immediately threw it into the bottom of his traveling trunk and tried to forget it.

(He was never very good at forgetting.)

[angeltriestoblog]

Your Comprehensive Guide to Passing the College Entrance Tests

College entrance tests season is a time in my life that I look back on with equal parts pain and fondness, which somewhat serves as a justification as to why I’ve been putting off this post for so long. Although I spent many sleepless nights re-absorbing lessons I never even got in the first place—all while having to deal with agonizing self-doubt and anxiety—I guess it’s safe to say that it was all worth it. After all, ya girl passed three out of the four universities she applied for: I have yet to find out if UP is willing to take me under their wing, but whether or not they want me, I can say that I am very much contented with my results.

Since I feel I’m in a position to speak on a topic like this, I’m back at it again and ready to help anyone about to tackle the beasts that are the CETs this year. I’m dividing this post into three parts, which will contain tips on how to go about everything before, during and after taking what most consider to be the most important tests of your life. 

Obligatory disclaimer: This is ridiculously long and not everything that I’ve written here will apply to you, but hey, if I were you, I’d start taking down notes.

BEFORE THE TEST

One thing most people fail to stress when giving advice on this topic is the importance of adopting the best mindset. Understand that the CETs are a very serious and urgent matter, for you are tasked with preparing for the succeeding chapters of your life all within a short time frame, but at the same time, don’t allow the pressure that comes with it to lead to overthinking and comparison that will ultimately distract you from achieving your goal: passing. Stay driven and positive, and focus on yourself.

Now, on to the actual studying part. I’d hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the best way to breeze through these exams without breaking a sweat is by being a good student all throughout high school. Be the type to maintain a stellar general weighted average, keep all notes taken down during the past four years in an expanding file folder instead of using them to wrap dried fish and join as many extracurricular activities as possible. If you’ve already failed at this, it’s time to proceed to Plan B: review school.

I personally didn’t enroll in any classes over the summer, because I thought they only took place during the month of April, which was when my parents had scheduled our overseas trip for the year. Well, apparently, I couldn’t have been any less well researched and by the time I found out, it was already far too late. So, I had made the decision to opt for self-study. For some reason, I was the only one in the household who was worried out of my mind: my parents were very much convinced that I would be able to handle reviewing on my own, and prove that review school was not a requirement for acceptance into prestigious universities. I was touched by their unwavering confidence in me, but every word felt like an additional kilogram I had to carry on my back.

I got by through borrowing old review modules from my dentist (Tita Meng, I have no idea how you’re ever going to read this, but thank you so much for saving my life… and also straightening my teeth) and downloading sample tests from the Internet for me to test my knowledge later on. My efforts never felt like they were enough for me though: I remember looking up the curriculum for each subject I needed to tackle on the website of the Department of Education, researching each sub-topic that was vague to me and Khan Academy-ing my way to proficiency. Definitely an unnecessarily extra way to tackle the reviewing process, but hey, my mind was very much laden with doubt and I was willing to do the most. I also put up cartolinas on my bedroom walls with formulas for different Math and Science subjects, which proved itself useful since I actually spend a decent amount of my time staring off into space.

If the thought of doing all of this alone is stressing you out, then maybe it’s time to go down what is considered by most to be the safe route: enrolling in a review school. Doing so will provide you with all the lessons covered during high school in the form of actual lectures with qualified teachers, and hardbound notes that often come with sample tests that resemble the real thing. It guides you through the application process as well as gives updates on the schedules of most universities, and helps in parts of the test that cannot be achieved by poring over textbooks such as essay writing and even techniques for plain old guessing. All these benefits seem to provide their students with the confidence boost to top everything off, and I admit that I did feel inferior to most of my peers at some point for this reason. They all just seemed so put together, so at ease with their binders and pastel highlighters that it made me go through a period of regret and resentment. Do not let the perceived advantage they have blind you, though: do note that even if attending a review school helps you ace the entrance test, it does not measure your aptitude nor your ability to handle the workload that you will have to face as you make your way in the university of your choice.

Because I had to do everything alone, I had firsthand experience when it comes to waging a war with time: it was truly my biggest enemy during this point in my life. It’s obviously crucial to create a schedule and follow it regularly. If you’re anything like me, you’ve read this in several self-help books or heard this over and over again on productivity podcasts but planning truly is key. First, list down all the topics that you want to cover, complete with the estimated time it’ll take you to master them. Then, distribute them per day evenly so you don’t end up overwhelming yourself and cramming so much information in your head that you barely get to retain anything. It’s important to have a contingency plan ready as well, in case you needed more time digesting a particular topic.

Eliminate all distractions while reviewing. This is a cardinal rule for studying in general, so it will definitely increase in importance during a time like this. One thing I found important is to tell yourself why you have to do it, so it’s easier for you to follow through. For example, I’m pretty addicted to watching YouTube videos, so having to cut down my marathons and look at the number of videos on my Watch Later pile up was a bit painful at first. But upon conditioning my mind into thinking that I’d rather spend my five month summer vacation before college binge watching all the videos I had missed out on instead of looking for a university that was still ready to accept me, it was much easier for me to cut down on it.

Remember to prioritize breadth over depth. Cover as many topics as you possibly can, going over the basic concepts and important formulas. Then, knock yourself out with practice tests so that you’re fully familiarized with them by the time CETs roll in, because you never know how even the simplest questions can be twisted around to baffle you. A common mistake most incoming seniors make (myself included) is overthinking what could possibly be asked and going too into detail when reviewing.  In my defense, it seemed like the natural thing to do during a situation of panic but if I had only known, I would have been able to save so much of my time and devote it to mastering everything I had learned.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if ever the need arises, whether it be from teachers, friends or upperclassmen. It might come off as a surprise to some of you, but there are many people who will be more than willing to help you, whether out of pity or genuine human decency. I asked tons of my classmates if I could borrow the notes they received from their review center, so I could learn more than I could have on my own (and maybe even compare their progress with mine). Sometimes, I’d disturb them at ungodly hours and call them up on Messenger to plead them to teach me the shortcuts in problem solving, mnemonics or acronyms. I was never the type of person to do that: honestly speaking, it felt like a direct blow to my pride to have to beg for something. But, it was my future at stake and upon remembering that, I no longer felt any shame [shrugs]

On another (but equally important) note: stay on top of your requirements for the different universities you’ll be applying to. Although they don’t normally start until July or August, it’s much better to get these out of the way as early as possible. Take it from me, who ran around Megamall looking for a photo studio a week before ACET apps needed to be passed. Stock up on ID pictures of different sizes, preferably 1x1, passport size and 2x2. Photocopy important documents like your birth certificate and grades forms, as well as your ID from the current or previous school year. Start thinking of who to ask recommendation letters from, brush up on your essay writing and interview skills and work on your CV if needed. Also, have a scanner ready if you plan on trying out for La Salle, since their application process is purely online. Be sure to keep track of your deadlines: don’t wait around for people to remind you, and please please please For The Love Of God do not cram everything until the very last second.

Strive to finish reviewing over summer break so you don’t have to worry about balancing CETs and academics, which is an entirely different playing field. I’ll come clean and say that I failed to do this, because there were still so many topics I couldn’t understand and questions I couldn’t find the answers to, even with the guidance of the Internet. Let me tell you, it was absolute hell as I didn’t have the time or brain capacity to digest lessons both for school and entrance tests. Please have mercy on yourself and focus on the classes you are to take during the school year, flipping through notes and flash cards sparingly when you have free time.

Now for the part that will probably be most useful to you all: the actual subject matter to study, focused specifically on the entrance tests for the Big 4 universities. Don’t use this as the sole basis of your review, since it’s not a guarantee that the topics covered this year will be the same as the succeeding ones. I remember looking up this one CET tips thread which said that the ACET was going to have mostly geometry-related questions. Since Ateneo is my dream school, I spent a ridiculous amount of time cramming everything from theorems to tangents in my head. So, you could just imagine my surprise when I actually took my test and was greeted by a maximum of four geom questions and a predominantly Algebra II and Trigonometry-centered Math portion.     

ACET

Language proficiency

This test will assess your knowledge on basic grammar: correct usage of verb tenses, S-V agreement, analogy-type and a cloze test, where you are required to fill in the blanks with the appropriate word for the sentence. It also included an essay question about a particular word that differed from session to session. I had to make one on the word “superstition”, so I had written something on how I didn’t believe in them because I was raised by my family with a very strong faith in God. One tip people give out a lot is to try and relate your answer to either love for God or being a man for others, but do it only if it doesn’t come out forced. From what I remember, we were given 50 minutes to answer all of this, and I don’t mean to come off as boastful but English is and has always been my first language, so it didn’t serve as a problem on my part.

Mathematical ability

This test is feared most by previous test takers, and it was only when I crawled my way through it that I realized why it has that reputation. It’s composed primarily of basic algebra, algebra II and trigonometry questions, all of which are quite lengthy and require a decent amount of time to think through, especially if you’re not really the best in this subject.

Abstract reasoning

This test… Boy, what do I even say? It requires you to pick out the figure or shape that completes the pattern. There were 30 items all in all that needed to be accomplished within 10 minutes, and I couldn’t tell anything apart from each other. I feel anyone who tells you they took this test seriously and finished it without breaking a sweat is just messing with you. I don’t think there’s any way to answer this test without turning to our old friend (the shotgun method).

Logical reasoning

This test includes questions with a set of premises that you are supposed to analyze, and a list of choices containing possible conclusions that can be drawn from them. Your task is to pick the most logical one, which sounds like common sense at first. Apparently, this was a topic discussed in General Math, so there is a certain set of rules to follow. Not only did I not remember ever taking this up in my life, but I also skipped it during review so I had to borrow my classmate’s book and cram everything I could during ACET week (DEFINITELY NOT ADVISABLE). There was one part of the test that involved a lot of technical terms, which I did not read about or study but thank God ya girl was desperate enough and ended up finding hints in the instructions!

Vocabulary

Pretty self-explanatory type of test, with 25 words in five minutes. It seems overwhelming, but contrary to popular belief, it’ll be easy even for those who aren’t voracious readers.

Reading comprehension

This test will require you to fully understand the message of the text, and apply it practically or draw sensible conclusions from it. I breezed through this one as well, because I’ve been reading since I was in the womb, but this can prove to be difficult for those who aren’t used to it. I’ve been seeing this tip circulating that goes “Look at the questions first before the passage itself, so you know what to find” and although it can fool just about any lazy reader out there, I tried it for myself during the ACET because I was in the mood and it didn’t help me at all. If anything, it just slowed me down because I was doing twice the work: looking at the question then going over the whole thing to find the answer, then repeating the process instead of just reading the text once.

Numerical ability

This test was all word problems—age, work, mixture, speed—with a dash of ratio, proportion and variation. This was the last portion of the ACET, and not only was my brain fried to a crisp but I was also very eager to leave so this definitely made me want to scream as I was taking it. It could have been much easier if I had memorized the exact formulas, and practiced lots so I could work rapidly without sacrificing accuracy.

DCAT

Mema test

I don’t know the actual name of this test, but I called it as such because it was so all over the place it felt like the ones in charge of making the DCAT looked at the final draft, saw they were an entire subtest short and crammed these questions two hours before the deadline. It was a mix of both abstract reasoning and vocabulary, and was generally easy: the AR patterns were understandable and didn’t require a lot of analysis, while the vocab words were very few and quite common.

Math I

I read in this one CET tips post that this portion was, and I quote, “pretentiously difficult and time-consuming” and it’s absolutely true! It’s big on derivations of formulas and advanced concepts in algebra, it barely had any basics much to my dismay. My mental block during this part was at its peak: I didn’t know how to solve anything, so I simply substituted each of the missing values in the problem with a number and worked it around until both sides of the equation were equal. That obviously took a lot of effort, which stemmed from my refusal to let go of an item until I feel like I’ve tried my best in solving it. But, it doesn’t have to be the case for you, especially if you’re terribly pressed for time: don’t hesitate to skip if you can’t move forward!

Math II + logical reasoning

Undoubtedly the hardest part of the exam, because no one saw it coming and thus, no one was able to prepare for it. And to think I was already warned by my friends who took the DCAT the week before I did to review statistics: I went through my notes from Grade 9 on combination and permutation, completely unaware that it was going to focus on hypothesis testing and estimation of parameters, which we failed to cover in Grade 11. I thought I’d be able to get by, I remember even praying that there would be only a few items but the entire test revolved around it so I almost literally crawled my way through. As for logic, it was alright until they started using technical terms like I had no idea what modus ponus (hocus pocus?) is and I don’t think I’ve ever had to study that in my life, so I think it’s safe to say I didn’t perform well there.

Reading comprehension

This was pretty similar to the ACET, so the same description and tips apply. Nothing to worry about.

EAPP/Research

This test was the plot twist of the year: DLSU completely took out the traditional type of English subtest (identifying errors, vocabulary, cloze test, etc.) and replaced it with citing in APA format, the principles of academic writing and the parts of a research paper. I had no idea that this was going to be included, and thankfully, those who enrolled in review centers didn’t either so we were all pretty much on equal footing. But, I walked out of it without a scratch: I guess it’ll be easy for you if you contribute to the making of your research papers, but if you’re a freeloader, ayan diba sinabi ko sa inyo may araw rin kayong lahat O ETO NA YUN

Science

This test covers the four major areas: earth science, biology, chemistry and physics. It was so much easier than I expected, because it only centered on terms and definitions of important concepts. I was most worried about the physics portion, since I’ve always considered it to be my waterloo, so you could just imagine my relief when I saw that it was very formulas-based and could be aced by anyone who took it up in Grade 10. (Super long run-on sentence, I’m sorry) I definitely wouldn’t have been able to survive it without the help of Tyler DeWitt, the best Chemistry teacher anyone could ever ask for – I found him on YouTube during a moment of desperation and binge-watched all his videos the day before DCAT, and he is probably the sole reason behind my success.

Life skills

The easiest and best part of the DCAT, because it’s simply a test of your character. It provides you with a set of situations, and all you have to choose which one best applies to you—so, yes there are no wrong answers. It’s easy to think that the most logical way to answer would be to feign sainthood and pick which one makes you look like an Ideal Lasallian/Catholic/Person, but I advise you to stay as true to yourself as possible. Those in admissions have probably seen many people apply this strategy in the past, and will most likely appreciate your honesty and view it as a way of seeing a true glimpse of your character.

UPCAT

Language proficiency

I think I was only sure of about 75% of my answers in this test, and to think this was the easiest part of the UPCAT for me as language is supposed to be my forte. Although it revolved around the basics—identifying errors in sentences, cloze set, rearrangement of sentences to form a paragraph and vocabulary—it came in both English and Filipino, which really tired me out early on.

Science

Hardest test of them all, to the point that taking it felt like my brain was getting hit by different trucks all at once. It covered all four major areas, including earth science. There were a ton of tables, graphs and diagrams that needed to be interpreted, and experiments to be analyzed: it’s big on practical applications and understanding of concepts. Don’t memorize any formulas, acronyms and mnemonics as you definitely will not need it at all.

Math

This test ran through a little bit of everything: from basic algebra to geometry, trigonometry, word problems and even statistics, sequences and number theory. It’s important to memorize all the formulas and learn how to solve problems fast even if they’ve already been twisted around. Math has never been my strong suit, so at this point, I was very close to hyperventilating. I even remember shading the wrong circles for ten questions in a row because I skipped one item. I also took around three bathroom breaks at this point, and spent 30 seconds sat on the toilet praying.

Reading comprehension

This was the first time I ever loathed this kind of test, when it’s supposed to be my strong point. It’s just that the previous subtests were so mentally and emotionally draining, that I didn’t have the brainpower to tackle it. It didn’t help at all that the passages chosen for the UPCAT were not the usual narrative types that are actually entertaining to read, but were incredibly information and detail-heavy. (They made really good memes on Twitter, though: no one was over the patis, newsboy or Super Ferry 9 for a long while.) The best thing to do at this point would be to go for the easiest and shortest ones first, to give your brain time to repair and prepare itself.

USTET

Mental ability

This test seeks to assess your common sense through a mix of logical reasoning, analogical and basic language and arithmetic problems. I don’t think I have to give you tips about this part at all, because it’s that easy.

Science

This test also includes question on all four major areas, but the main difference is that there are close to no practical applications of concepts – surprisingly, UST only cares about the definition of terms. Thus, intensive review probably won’t be needed: you could just skim through your notes from junior high school and have a good grasp of what’s going to be included.

Math

This test had mostly basic algebra and geometry, as well as some word problems – nothing too difficult. One other fun thing was that there was so many of the same type of question, so if you have the formulas memorized and a certain technique in answering, you could get so many (if not all) correctly.

English

This test focused mainly on basic grammar, figures of speech and subject-verb agreement. There was also a tiny part about oral communication and research, which I wasn’t able to prepare for but it’s a good thing I actually bothered paying attention to my teacher in Grade 11 or else I wouldn’t have been able to answer a thing.

THE DAY BEFORE – DURING THE TEST

Now, normally people would tell you to rest the day before any big test: drop all books and notes and mentally psych yourself for the battle up ahead in the form of face masks and comfort food. Although it sounded incredibly tempting, I obviously didn’t follow it because I was running short on time and had so many things I had yet to fully understand. Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t experience any adverse effects and even retained everything I had crammed into my head. So, you’re technically still allowed to review: run through flash cards and try a bit more practice problems if you wish. The only thing you have to make sure of is that you do not stay up late: sleep is crucial for memory retention and BASTA PARA DI KA LUTANG, and you do not want to realize that you’ve taken it for granted on such an important date.

Pack all your essentials the night before in (preferably) a small backpack that you can easily lug around. Bring two #2 Mongol pencils, an eraser, your test permit, a school ID just in case and food to snack on: my personal favorites of the season were seaweed crisps that I got for a buy one, take one deal in Robinsons Supermarket, raisins and trail mix. Scientific studies in the past have claimed that chewing motions can help stimulate your brain, but I just believe it just doesn’t feel right to engage in battle on an empty stomach. Coordinate with friends who’ll be in the same testing center as you, in case you won’t be able to survive in such an environment without someone to sympathize with you. Personally, I didn’t bother meeting up with friends for three out of my four tests because I wanted to feel independent and possibly run into new people.

If you’re anything like me and you hold on to God for dear life in almost every situation that brings you difficulty, don’t forget to pray for enlightenment and the capacity to accept His will, whatever it may be. As much as possible, try to hear Mass the day before your entrance test. Funny story, I was supposed to do this on ACET Eve, but we got stuck in traffic and missed the opportunity to. I ended up running to my parish while the staff were closing it (I didn’t even know that was a thing – what about the troubled souls who need guidance in the wee hours of the morning!) and muttering the most desperate prayer under my breath in a minute. I even lit a candle outside because I wanted to pass Ateneo that badly. Looking back, I found that it helped me lots because I was able to lift up all my worries to Him so I wouldn’t have to bring them along with me the next day.

On the test day itself, the best weapon to have in your arsenal is a good mindset. Walk into the testing center like you already passed, stroll along the corridors like it’s your first day in that university and look at every question as another step closer to freedom. Do not overthink or panic: I know it is much easier said than done, but it won’t hurt to fake it till you make it (sometimes, in situations like this, it’s the best option available).

Keep track of time limits: don’t be afraid to glance at the wall clock or your wristwatch from time to time so you can pace yourself properly. Don’t take too long on one item: if you don’t know what to do with it in 20 seconds, just come back to it when you have extra minutes to spare. If you’re not sure about the answer to an item, make the most intelligent guess you can by racking your brain for the very limited stock knowledge you have on that topic. Choose one letter to be your go-to choice if you really don’t know the answer: mine was C (for Christ, truly) although I don’t know if that’s still a wise decision because universities might start picking up on this strategy.

Look back on all your answers: if you have the luxury of time, re-read everything from the instructions to the passages to the choices provided, because sometimes, even if you were 110% sure of what you were answering during that moment, you may have missed something important. If you happen to be one of those beasts who come prepared enough and you’re completely sure of everything already, catch a quick nap to recharge those batteries instead of scouting for attractive fellow test-takers. I swear, there will be many more of them in college: at present, it’s best to exhaust all efforts into actually getting a university.

AFTER THE TEST

The minute the proctor makes you put your pencil down one last time and submit the questionnaire forward, let it go. Completely forget that it happened: don’t spend the succeeding days discussing answers with peers, as it will almost always end with you regretting things you can no longer change. Do not keep a countdown until judgment day ticking in your head either: choose to take this time to let your life return to its normal state. Shift your focus back to your academics for the school year, and be preoccupied with your interests once again during your free time. Remember to treat yourself as well, because we all know it’s not easy to study while simultaneously worrying about your future. After all my CETs, I made sure to eat out with my family and spoil myself with chick flick marathons and skin care products. Most importantly, be sure to keep praying as it is the key to accepting what happens in the future and regaining peace of mind. As cheesy as it sounds, trust in God’s plan for You and know that He has a reason for everything that is about to happen.

Now, on to the final stretch: the release of results. (This is a pretty timely thing to be talking about right now, since as of this writing, I’m waiting for UP to make a move within the week) If you pass your dream school—or any university for that matter—congratulations! Your hard work has finally paid off, and the promising future you’ve built up in your head is slowly turning into a reality. Don’t forget to thank all those who made this possible for you: God, your family, friends and teachers who believed in you through every sleepless night and mid-morning breakdown. Remain humble though, and be careful not to gloat in front of those who didn’t pass. I know you’re not really obliged to act a certain way to please them, especially during a time as joyous as this, but it’s all a matter of empathy: I’m sure you’d feel the same way if the roles were reversed. One thing you’re left to decide with if you’re lucky enough to pass more than one college is where you’re headed off to. Personally, it’s course over school: go for the program that suits you best and will help you pursue the career path you wish, since that will do you more good in the future than the reputation of any institution. If you are not entirely convinced by that spiel, do not hesitate to ask help from those you trust most: preferably family members, teachers and counselors. I left out friends, because I don’t think it’s a wise decision to choose a specific school just because that’s where they’re headed.

If you fail to make the cut, however, indulge in your right to cry right now. I’m sure that it must be disheartening, planning out a future in a school that ended up “rejecting” you in the end, but news flash: the race does not finish here! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get ready for the results of the other schools you have applied for. Be sure to surround yourself with only people who are capable of uplifting your spirits and helping you believe in yourself during such a trying time. If the worst case scenario happens and you are left with no college at the end of the day, it’s time to get hustling: look for universities that are still accepting applications (some schools out there have entrance tests every month, and results come out instantly), or send in letters of appeal if ever you truly have your eyes set on a specific campus. That’s not something I have much expertise on though, but almost everything you will need to know is on the school’s official website.

And, there you have it! Everything I could tell you about the college entrance tests! I spent approximately three days trying to kick my writing slump in the ass: my eyes hurt and I may be suffering from carpal tunnel but all of that means nothing as long as I’ve been able to guide one hopeless soul out of the dark. (Yes, I patterned that after my comprehensive guide to surviving Grade 11 – my brain is dying, and I have no time to think of an ending catchier than that.) I’m on summer break now and I’ll be going to Korea next week, so expect a lot of lighter and more amusing content!

Stay in school, kids!

Angel

[hollyhark]

CWU Soundtrack

Guys this CWU soundtrack is so ancient and sacred to me........... the doc I made for it in my g drive is titled ‘Kylo Hux Trilogy Soundtrack’

;_________________;

That’s how formative it was!! When I was in the initial throes of my obsession with this project I would just open the soundtrack doc in a tab and review it obsessively, tweaking the ~selected lyrics~ and sometimes swapping out songs, just. Basking in how cinematic this project felt in my mind. Wah.

I originally wanted the soundtrack (& my asinine notes on it) to be its own AO3 post as part of the series, for posterity, and these were my notes in that regard lol:

Title: Children, Wake Up

Summary: Now you see me / Now you don’t / Now you say you love me / Pretty soon you won’t.

A soundtrack for my Kylux series.  [!!!]

(those lyrics are from Dilaudid by The Mountain Goats, which is SONG FOUR within~~)

THE SONGS (+more overly earnest commentary! This was the overly earnest period in my life, it served me well tbh) are under the cut:

1. Arcade Fire - Wake Up

The song that inspired the title! I actually don’t have a lot to say about this one, it just felt perfect in tone and lyrics for an opener/theme song for this fic.

2. Icona Pop - Sun Goes Down

My original note for this was “Ben Solo meets his new master” (the soundtrack is chronological for the events of the fic!) I know this is way way too on the nose for a Kylo song because of the vocoder-like effect lol but it did inspire Snoke/Dala’s character in the early stages...! And I still love it.

3. Perfume Genius - Learning

This is a Hux song. Hux at the Academy. All of these songs still make me emotional and probably always will but this one in particular takes me back to where I got my whole initial take on the Hux character from.

4. The Mountain Goats - Dilaudid

My original note for this song was “Kylo Ren destroys Ben Solo.” This was basically my BEN LEAVES HOME IN A BLAZE OF MURDER song. It would give me goosebumps every time I listened to it, especially ‘and take your foot off of the brake, for Christ’s sake!’ There’s so much menace and dread in this song but it’s this sad, empathizing menace, and the dread feels very active rather than passive?!

5. M83 – Wait

This is the other song that I still get enormously emotional about (ok I’m gonna say this about at least half of them, I’m typing this as I go down the list SO). “Kylo leaves Rey on Jakku.” This was my tragic cousins song, and that this is the cover of the album (“Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming” ;__;), welp.

6. Ben Folds Five - Philosophy

My note for this one was “General Hux, lite.” This is the youthful, succeeding Hux! This song always makes me think of Mitaka serving under Hux, too.

7. Aimee Mann - Deathly 

My note for this one was “Hux’s first and second impressions of Kylo Ren.” I think it’s the right tone for how he feels in the Life Sentence part of the story, like, he already knows this isn’t ending well for him. But he’s still into it.

8. Okkervil River - A Stone

Oh man this song. My note was “Ren leaves the Finalizer for the last time. Hux watches him go.” So the ‘stone’ in the song is Snoke & Snoke’s teachings. The long story behind my attachment to this song is really the long story behind the whole CWU series, in that I was working on an original project the year before and getting increasingly frustrated with it-- I realized why in part because I got fixated on this song, which is a(n intentionally, I assume) creepy “nice guy” song that made me realize my villain in the thing I was working on was much more well-developed and interesting than the MC’s blah love interest, and then I dove into writing this villain x villain verse for all of 2016 and it was cathartic. The ‘who once gave just one rose, one day, years ago’ still kills me because it’s the actual most romantic fucken thing.

9. Location – Freelance Whales

Song No. 9 was originally From Eden by Hozier, and I still like that song as a bonus track for their (somewhat happier??) times at the house on the cliff. But I was informed about this song by @eckcro in February 2016 and the more I listened to it the more I realized it was the Actual Perfect Song for the Ceasefire portion of the story. I don’t even know what to say, it’s perfect. It’s the house on the cliff song.

10. Bon Iver - Holocene 

Oh mannnn this song was so important to the development of this story, it was the bridge between their leaving the house on the cliff and going to the island (my note on the original doc was “Kylo’s epiphany”) and in that sense it was also what first inspired me to think about the fic even beyond that, in terms of what would happen after they left the island. The ‘once I knew I was not magnificent’ [...] ‘I could see for miles, miles, miles’ still destroys me. Kylo ;__;

11. Aimee Mann - Just Like Anyone

Oh here’s another song that makes me cry. This is “Luke’s reflection on Ben’s leaving” according to my notes. Basically Luke’s feelings re: Ben. We’ll see if canon reflects this or not lol but I like the idea that Luke could feel this along with whatever rage and bitterness is there also.

12. Sufjan Stevens - Death With Dignity

This was a late-ish addition that saved my life when I wrote Chapter 14. “Ren faces Snoke” is my note. An anon rec’d Fourth of July by Sufjan to me in May 2016, as a song that reminded them of the series, and I loved it and ended up listening to the rest of the album, too, which lead me to this song, which I listened to on loop while writing Chapter 14 and Ren’s first confrontation with Dala. I feel like the lyrics fit what I had in store for Ren in this first confrontation eerily well.

13. Alice Boman – Waiting (PAL Remix)

My original note for this was “Now what” lol this was one of the first songs that became thematic for me as I was planning the story, when the plot was way more focused on Hux being angry and closed-off during his incarceration. At this point it’s more of a ‘writing CWU’ theme song for me than reflective of what the story turned into, but maybe even more sentimental therefore, and it still embodies my original feelings about this pairing.  

14. Sting - Fortress Around Your Heart 

My note for this was: “Life in the city after shit went down” fffff-- and in part because this was the theme song to a post-game FFVII epic that I got about halfway through back in 2005. The third part of CWU has a lot of the same themes and felt like a redemption arc FOR ME in terms of actually finishing a fic that was grand in scope like that one was. And the first line is the title of the third installment ofc.

15. Elliott Smith - Between the Bars

Jailbirds in separate cells song. The original idea of the third part was sooo focused on the jail, ha. 

16. The Extra Glenns - Going to Marrakesh

I’ll just quote this one:

The fog is lifting from the water.

The bells are sounding on the boats.

And our love is a monster, plain and simple.

Though you weigh it down with stones to try to drown it,

It floats.

It floats.

17. Hannah Georgas - Don’t Go

This wasn’t in the original soundtrack but was so important to me when I was working on the final action with the triangulation and the Infinite, it earned a spot. This is like, dreamy between-worlds desperate love stuff.

18. Pools To Bathe In -- The Japanese House

Another that wasn’t on the original soundtrack but I think it ultimately became the most important song. I could write a whole essay about how this song functioned for me at this time in my life, when I was trying to make the conclusion of this huge thing I’d worked on all year work, it was just hugely inspirational. Hearing it will always take me back to that scene where they leave in the transport that Wedge helped Hux repair and they’re finally alone together and headed into the unknown. I love huge epilogues so of course I wrote TWO in the final chapters, but the soundtrack ends where the climax of the main action does, which is in that moment <3

[simply-wins-little-sis]

Library Love

A/N: I AM SO SORRY that I haven’t been posting anything. School has been kicking my butt, and life has been super crazy. This wasn’t a request and I actually started writing this one in July in a library in Arkansas while with family friends, and I finished it in August, and wanted to save it for a plan I have, but I realized I needed to give you all something to hold onto as I write more. It’s super long, I apologize for that, also it’s a little different from the normal Winchester!sister stuff! I hope you all like it!

Requests are open and so are the tags!

Warnings: Fluff, possible angst???, and maybe a few swear words! ALSO ROMANCE!

DISCLAIMER: I used Logan because that’s what felt right at the time so, please know that I don’t know any hot Logan’s and this story was legit all random inspiration and nothing personal!

Tags: @percussiongirl2017 @metaphysicalmisha @winchesters-favorite-girl @sisterwinchesterwriter @staticweekes @lil-sister-winchester @hi-my-name-is-riley @the-third-winchester-warrior @fandom-queen-of-wonderland

You uncomfortably shifted in the plastic library chair. You were stuck in one of those remodeled gems that the whole town took pride in. Except, the pride had seemed to have worn off because it was mostly empty, minus the three-people scattered amongst the different shelves. The librarians had given up on quiet, and now joined in with the locals on conversations about everything from the corn, to the deaths you were supposed to be looking into.

You never minded libraries, in fact they had always given you a sense of home. Being on the road and traveling from place to place was the lifestyle you were born into, and you never questioned it, that is until you grew older and longed for relationships other than the few you had in your tight circle of family. Home seemed to be a place where you could create more relationships, friendships, and find true heart in every crack and crevasse. Never having that made you feel slightly disadvantaged. Your brothers had had it once, even if it only was for a limited time. You longed for something more than a car as a home base.

You loved the library, yet it always reminded you of your lack of home, while still giving you the same feeling you imagined a home might. You had no community library to walk to, or even a place to walk from. Libraries had so many treasures, each carrying so many stories, and you wished to have the time to stay and inspect each and every one. But, you did not and this idea was the exact one you were pondering as the plastic chair creaked beneath you.

Your legs were swinging back and forth as you rapidly typed out your school assignment. You were home schooled, as Sam called it, but you always dropped the home whenever someone would ask. Usually no one did, but on that rare occasion, you had it perfectly planned out.

Your brothers sat at the table over, bickering about the type of case they were dealing with. You were eavesdropping as you continued your essay. You stopped typing at times, but when they looked up at you your fingers flew back onto the lettered pads. You hated having to turn things into your brother. You loved him, but you felt as if you could never actually be free in your writing. You always worked with a filter on the words you were putting down, never wanting him to get a hint of your true emotions.

You finished typing up your essay, and emailed it over to his laptop. You swung your legs off the chair and lingered at their table. “Can I go now?” you asked, bending your fingers this way and that on the edge of the plastic wood.

Dean looked up, sighing, as you waited for Sam to check his inbox. He looked up from the screen and raised his eyebrows. “You titled your paper with a sarcastic remark, should I even ask you if I need to close this before you go?” he asked.

You shook your head, “You see, you’re just reading it sarcastically when in reality I’m just trying out a different tone with my writing”.

“And what would that be?” he asked, folding his hands. Dean was watching the duel go down, holding onto his imaginary patience to get back to work.

“The annoyed, because I’m writing another essay and my brother clearly doesn’t understand the hints I’m giving him about not making me write essays, but still professional author,” you grinned.

Dean cleared his throat, clearly annoyed with the entirety of the conversation, and reaching for another laminated pamphlet from one of the libraries records.

Sam looked to Dean, before looking back to his screen and then shaking his head. “Go ahead, but don’t think we won’t be revising this together later”.

You rolled your eyes but skipped off to the Young Adult section. You had spent too much time in the records and nonfiction areas already. Craving a juicy novel filled with teenage angst, somewhat to cope with your own emotions, you dove right into the shelves. You pulled at a book, put it back, then repeated. This went on for several minutes, adding in a scanning of the covers from a select few. Finally, you settled on one that looked newer, hoping it would get you through the next few hours. You began to walk off, nose already pushed into the smell of pages and ink, and the taste of the words forming in your mouth and mind as you silently mumbled to yourself.

That’s when you rammed right into something, and your novel hit the floor with a loud thud.

You quickly bent down to grab the story you so badly craved to continue as another hand gripped the covers, and bent up to meet your eye level. You were quickly hit with the most beautiful eye you had ever seen. Your breath fell short and you could feel the quick palpitations of your heart, and the numb of meeting someone who looked so…cute.

This boy was full of all the positive emotions the libraries you had visited countless times would give you. A sense of safety, and relationship, and home. A home in a small conversation, and a smile worth all the rooms your heart wanted to create inside his.

“I’m sorry, I should have dodged it,” he looked down with in warded eyebrows.

“No, it’s fine really, I should have been watching where I was going,” you smiled, but it faded, “I should have been watching where I was going,” the idea you had fallen short on being aware of your surrounding sunk in. Sam and Dean would have scolded you. You tried to plaster another smile on your face, but when you hit those eyes you immediately blushed and needed to hide the redness more than the disappointment you felt in yourself.

He held out his hand, and you hesitantly took it as he raised you and himself back up to standing position. He was handsome, and had a subtle yet rebellious tone to his words and look. He had strong cologne, but nothing compared to that of Dean or Sam. You smiled at him, nervously pulling your hand away.

You weren’t sure if you wanted to pull away.

You smiled again, and he nervously rubbed his neck. His hand awkwardly rubbing the ends of his hair, smashing them down into his skin. “So, you from around here?” he asked. You shook your head, he nodded but wasn’t satisfied, “Then where?”.

You had thought of all the ways this question could have been asked and your answer for days, weeks, months that eventually turned into years, but now that this boy was asking you, your mind blanked and the only thing you seemed to muster was an answer you had never practiced or calculated previously. “Nowhere”.

You cringed internally, knowing he would give you that sympathetic smile everyone did. You were surprised when he just shook his head, taking in your presence with a smirk that made you feel devilishly good.

“How ‘bout you then?” you asked.

“Nowhere,” he smiled.

You shook your head, “That’s cheating”.

“What?” he asked.

“You can’t copy my answer, it’s not how the game works,” you crossed your arms.

“Oh, so we’re playing a game?” a smile pushed into his lips.

You nodded, “Twenty-One Questions is serious business”.

His eyebrows raised, “Well then let’s go find a place to play instead of the middle of the shelves”.

“Why, scared someone’ll see us?” you snarked, then the doubt set in, “Someone like your girlfriend”.

“No, remember genius, I’m from nowhere, meaning no dice, meaning no girlfriend,” he laughed. It was a nervous laugh.

You turned and began to walk, mostly so he wouldn’t see the pink your cheeks were illuminating. The fact he was nervous too making you smile.

Laughter was unusual compared to the normal chatter of the locals, but you and the boy you grew to know as Logan could not have cared less.

Although the conversation had taken a turn when you learned of his broken home, a single, alcoholic father raising three kids. Dodging broken glass and verbal threats was a normal task for him. Your stopped when he told you, its usual pace sinking to one low and harsh as you wished to fix his broken home and make it better…wished to make one for just the two of you.

“So, what’s the one thing you wish you could do in your life time?” you asked.

He sighed and looked towards the ceiling. You were both sitting up against the leather chairs found in the corner of the back section. You had decided the serious question game needed something better than clichéd comfort. 

Even though you had only just met him, Logan seemed to give you a calm and peace you had never had before. Suddenly, you weren’t afraid of the future, or anxious for what was in store as more monsters popped into your life. You also weren’t aware of the lack of home you had felt walking into the place.

His eyes drew back to yours, and the look they wore held a whole new definition to the word sorrow. “I wish I could rid myself of the responsibilities being forced onto me,” he sighed again, closing his lids.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked, feeling the rush of guilt hitting as your tongue barely made out the last word. You knew too well what it was like to want to throw down the cards life had dealt, but the knowing you could never truly leave the cards at the game table made your thoughts painful.

“I just want to be able to be me, and not have to deal with the line of…the line of shit that’s coming every damn day, of every month, of every freaking year,” he ran his hands through his hair.

“Yeah, I get it,” you sighed. He looked to you.

“You do?” he asked, eyes wide.

You nodded, and he moved a little closer to you, “Well in that case,” he then bent over your face and his lips awkwardly met yours. Eyes wide, but then closing at the feeling of soft skin meeting your chewed at lips. It was messy, and awkward, but you liked it.

You both pulled away with childish grins locking onto your faces. He sat back as you relaxed into the base of the leather chair behind you. Your jeans rubbing against the carpet as you slowly slid back.

“That was my uh, my first kiss,” he laughed nervously again, “How’d I-,” he began to ask but you cut him off.

“Perfect,” you smiled. It was far from it, but your little mind could have never imagined anything better in the moment.

“Wish we could do that all day,” he chuckled. You looked over to him, seeing the lights in his eyes flicker on. “We could do it, you know! We’re both from nowhere! My old man wouldn’t give a shit if I left, and we could hit the bus station right outside town,” he started rambling the plans carefully unwrapping in his head.

“That would be,” you started excitedly, but looked down at your hands, “I can’t run away with you”. You felt the tears forming.

After only kissing Logan once, you could already feel the desire of wanting to kiss him more, and the home you had created in his touch was the closest to four walls you had ever gotten.

“But if we’re both from nowhere, we have nothing to get back to, nothing to-,” that’s when you cut him off again.

“I have things I have to do,” you started.

“But you don’t want to, so why make yourself into something you-,” he began.

“Because not all of us get to choose!” you whisper yelled. A tear slipped down your cheek.

“But you can, “he wrapped his hand in your, but you pulled away, “We can together,” he reached out for you again.

The somber truth of knowing you couldn’t choose was swarming over you like a shadow would a sidewalk on a sunny day. Sam and Dean liked to pretend you would have choice, but both ultimately knew it was too late. You did too, this knowledge leading to your constant arguments over writing essays and school work. You knew your fate, you knew you were on the Earth to only kill the things that killed your kind. You knew you would die young, but knew you had to. You knew you had no home, but would never amount to someone who could grasp one, and use it as intended.

You stood up, and gripped the side of the chair. “It was nice meeting you, but I have to go,” you sighed.

“Y/N, wait!” he clambered to his feet.

You were trying to keep the tears from falling, “No, there can’t be any waiting because I can’t keep kissing you and learning to love you when I’m leaving. Besides, we’ve only known each other for a few hours and the idea of running away is a little absurd, I mean clearly, I’m coping with feelings of loneliness by using you. I know what my screwed-up life is, and I know what it’ll do if I get close to you. Goodbye Logan,” you pecked him on the cheek, and pushed all screaming signs saying to continue building your home on the floor with him. You hated the words of “using you” and them hitting Logan in the chest made your pit of despair even deeper.

“But if you’re from nowhere where are you going to leave too?” he reached out and grabbed your arm. “I don’t mind being used”.

“Please don’t make this harder than it has to be,” you pulled away from him, but before you got too far came up and smashed his lips onto yours.

You enjoyed the taste of his lips, and the smell of his hair and skin. When you pulled away, you were desperately wishing there was a way to stay with him. “I’m sorry,” you cried.

“You’re the best damn girl I’ve ever met,” he smiled, but it faded.

“You’re the closest thing I’ve had to a home. Thanks for that,” you looked up to him one last time before making your way back to your brothers, who were packing up.

The roads were long, and the years grew longer as more challenges stood in your way. You never forgot Logan, and he way he had given you a safe space, a home per say, in those short few hours.

You were older and wiser now, a demon blade swinging in your bloodied hand as you made your way through the halls.

That’s when you dropped to the floor in a scream of terror, pure terror.

This wasn’t just any man’s home, it was Logan’s. The sweet boy who wanted it all, who had gotten it all. He did it, he had made himself better than the hand he was dealt. Better than cliché leather chairs, and remodeled shelves. Better than some pseudo home made in a teenager’s game of questions and answers.

The boys came rushing in at once, gripping your shaking form. “I did what I was supposed to do, I left, I left,” you repeated over and over again.

Logan was bloody and ripped apart from the torture of the cold, blackened eyes that were breathing moments before.

“Shhhh, little sis, I got you,” Dean tried to soothe you but utter confusion surrounded him.

“I left his home,” you cried, hoping it was all a twisted dream.

Sam and Dean could only look at you with sympathy as they had no idea the true reason behind your tears.

The home you had created in him, and the one he carried with to his own family later was now destroyed. Your only home, your only love, was destroyed.

[contavoinongnan]

2017 Resolution

After few days with my head spinning around my bed, I wake up this morning feeling more energetic. Perhaps having more task done yesterday at work helped lift me up to a new degree where I think, working is definitely enjoyable - because the spare time you have when you are free is more valuable. 

In the past few days, when I came back from England, I started to feel like a loser, too much free time, no achievement and no new knowledge. I do not want any more leisure activities, those make me feel even more tired. I soon realize working 8 hours a day won’t make you tired as watching movies 8 hours a day. Either just sitting crafting some stars or learning some more Chinese character is definitely more rewarding. I decided to do this year: 

1. Applying for the CLS program. I am not sure if I like to be a CLS. I am not sure if that will be the plan for next year. But I will be happier if I get accepted, rather than sitting here and be wondering what if I apply. So this is decided. I will finish the application essay by February. Contacting for letter of recommendation by March 8th. 

2. Transforming my butt. Two years ago I transformed my waist, losing 12 lbs and toning up my entire body. I even tried running - what I have not done before and reach 8 minutes continuous run. For the new year resolution: getting 10 minute continuous run and increase the but size to 95 is what have been decided. This resolution will be done by May, yes you heard me right. Detailed plan will be posted next and printed and followed exactly. Plan starts January 16th. 

3. It looked like I was more about physical achievement in the past year. So how about changing one weakness that help on diet, budget and mental pleasure? How about not eating out exceed 3 days per week in the whole year? Excluding those days that I am in Vietnam in July - I will do this. Every time I fail to do this in a week, punishment is 50 sit-ups and 50 squads for each day I fail. 

4. Graduation with the master degree this May. The fact that it is uncontrollable  but I will make effort by emailing, contacting and begging my mentor to please speed up the process so that I can graduate on time. I do not think it would be a problem since I have 3 more months to rush her. How about setting up a time planner to make sure everything is on going. Planner will be set and printed. 

5. Savings $10,000 this year. By the end of the year, no more than one credit card has the amount. Doing this by saving at least $1000 per month, do number 3 and keep a part-time job. Detailed plan is expected after lunar new year. 

6. Learn 20 Chinese characters and be able to introduce myself in Chinese. I learned basic Chinese a year ago and I will not let those money turn to trash. Time to remind the Chinese game. 

2016 was a great year. I had a great time after my internship was done right and after I found the job at Agilent. I enjoyed every weekend and took two trips to London and Hawaii. 2017 will be a year of determination and achievement. Most of these five above will be completed by July - so by July I will make another half year resolution. Everything to aim for a better self. 

[wayneooverton]

12 hikes in the Canadian Rockies to fulfill your wanderlust

Hi guys, this is Marta, the voice behind the stunning site In A Faraway Land.

A travel website dedicated to providing information on outdoor activities and photography tips via my Canada, Iceland and New Zealand Travel Guide. Over a year ago I moved to Canada on a Working Holiday Visa with one purpose: to hike and capture the beauty of the Canadian Rocky Mountains through my camera. Luckily hiking and photography go hand in hand here. In just one year I have managed to walk hundreds, if not thousands of kilometers of trails and I’ve narrowed them down in this post to some of my favorite hikes in the Canadian Rockies. Enjoy!

I’ve also still got spots left on my autumn photography tour next year in New Zealand. Use code “youngadventuress” to save 5% on your booking.

20 photos that made me love Alberta

1. Berg Lake Trail 

One of the first multi-day hikes I completed here in the Rockies was the Berg Lake Trail. It finishes at an icy blue glacial lake at the foot of the highest mountain in the Canadian Rockies – Mount Robson.

Just under 4000 meters, the summit slopes are home to many glaciers, the most prominent being the Berg Glacier. When camping at the nearby Marmot campsite, at night, all you can hear is the sound of your own breath against your sleeping bag and the vibration of your heart beating until suddenly a loud ear-shattering crack, then a deep thunder like rumble, a splash and then several echoes later again complete silence, the unmistakable sound of a glacier carving into a lake. This is the experience camping on the Berg lake trail summed up in one sentence.

Certainly enough to make you sit up alert in your tent. I spent 3 days on the Berg Lake Trail listening to this each night. You can read more about it in my hiking guide to the Berg lake trail, completed with hints and tips about tackling one of the best multiday hikes in the Canadian Rockies.

2. Larch Tree Valley 

I’ve heard that 95% of people who visit the iconic Moraine lake make it only as far as the famous rock pile at the southern tip of the lake, without realizing how much they are missing out on! The car park of the Moraine lake is where a myriad of hiking trails veer off into the backcountry.

One of the hikes is the Larch Tree Valley. During early fall, usually around mid September, when the larches’ needles turn from green to yellow, many hikes become absolutely breathtaking.

Larch trees are the only conifers that loose its needles for the winter. The Larch Tree Valley Hike, as the name suggest is full of them and will guarantee a few hours of pure amazement.

3. Lakes Agnes/Beehive/Mount Saint Piran 

There’s several great hikes around Lake Louise but these 3 are some of my favorites!

A 3 in 1 mega deal of the Canadian Rockies! That is if you are an early bird! You can start with hiking to Lake Agnes, then continue to Little Beehive and if you still have energy in you, you can even tick off the nearby summit of Mount St Piran from where you can stare at the mind-blogging turquoise color of Lake Louise, and the peaks that tower over it. On the way back down you can stop again at Lake Agnes for afternoon tea and biscuits at the famous teahouse!

All together it shouldn’t take you longer than 5-6 hours return. Make sure to leave early. Because of the relatively easy access and minimal views to effort ratio both Lake Agnes and Little Beehive can attract quite the crowd. However only a small fraction of the hikers continues up mount St Piran, so if you are after solitude make sure to complete all 3!

4. Mount Assiniboine Provincial Park 

Mount Assiniboine is without a shadow of a doubt my favorite multi-day hike in the Canadian Rockies and one I will be returning to very soon! There are three paths, all similar in length (around 30 km) to get to Lake Magog and the domineering Mount Assiniboine, the main attractions of the park.

The most popular route is from Sunshine Village over the Citadel Pass, the second one is from Mt Shark Trailhead via the Wonder Pass and the third one via the Assiniboine Pass. If you plan a visit to Mt Assiniboine, make sure to spend at least 4 days in the park to fully enjoy the stunning views it offers.

I’ve created a hiking and photography guide to Mount Assiniboine Provincial Park including information about the area and how to book a helicopter to fly you in if you can’t make the walk.

5. Tonquin Valley 

The first time I did the Tonquin Valley trail was during some pretty bad wildfires happening on the other side of the Ramparts – a mountain range in the Tonquin Valley which divides the provinces of British Columbia and Alberta. The wind, which was blowing to the east, took the smoke into the nearby valleys, where the 44km long trail ambles through. A thick haze blanketed the mountains. When the sun was high in the sky, the light pierced through clouds striking the haze and creating these incredible sun rays.

I didn’t come out with the photos that I’d hoped for but I came out with something even better. A story and some unique pictures. As soon as I emerged from the backcountry I headed straight to the nearest café and booked another 4 nights on the trail in September.

With so many amazing hikes here in Jasper National Park and with my time in the Rockies running out, to do a trail twice, must mean it’s a special one! The Tonquin Valley certainly is. Just make sure to plan it correctly.

Tonquin Valley is notorious for mosquitos in July when the trail finally becomes open to hikers. If you want to get the best experience, wait until later in the summer or early autumn. Otherwise prepare for a mosquito battle of biblical scale!

6. Edith Cavell meadows 

The Edith Cavell meadows hike offers an incredible view to effort ratio. Because of the collapse of the Ghost Glacier in 2015 that flooded and destroyed the adjacent parking lot, there is currently restricted access to the area.

The visitor center in Jasper gives out 180 permits a day to visitors at varying time slots. On the positive side, it means the trail isn’t overcrowded.

In the height of summer, the adjacent meadows turn into a beautiful symphony of colorful blooming wildflowers. It’s also a perfect place for spotting the cute pikas and marmots!

7. Pocaterra Ridge 

Kananaskis country near Canmore, where I spent most of my time when working on my guide to Canada, is an area often omitted by international tourists. The locals however know it very well! It also happens to be a perfect playground for hiking enthusiasts like me!

Everything you need to know about visiting Canmore, Canada

Pocaterra Ridge is an undulating ridgeline filled with jaw dropping views in every direction! It’s an unofficial hike that starts 80km south of Canmore near the Highwood Pass. Considered by many locals to be one of the best hikes in Kananaskis Country. I’ve done this hike in June, when I saw a 24-hour clear weather window in forecast. Unfortunately, the colloquially known June Monsoon didn’t agree with my plans and I had a real eventful, and at times scary, realization how treacherous the mountains can be.

I came away with so many beautiful photos though, that I felt compelled to share them in a photo essay along with the full story of my experience on Pocaterra Ridge.

8. Ha ling Peak 

The most popular hike in Canmore and certainly one of the best day trips in this area. The views from Ha Ling peak are spectacular, but the hike can get busy. If you’re brave, and maybe a little bit crazy, then consider doing it through the night, arriving at the Ha Ling summit for sunrise. If you do, chances are you’ll be all alone on the trail. It’s never easy to wake up early, but you’ll come away with photographs, and more importantly an experience, that you’ll be telling all your friends and family for years to come.

9. Indian Ridge 

A lesser known hike in Jasper National Park, Indian Ridge starts at the top of Jasper SkyTram. Majority of visitors take the Gondola and hike up the the nearby Whistlers summit.

If you are looking for solitude in the mountains you should break away from the crowds and continue toward the Indian Ridge. I can appreciate views much better when there’s less people around me. Less noise, less chaos, less garbage, all in all a much more relaxing. It’s not an easy hike though.

A little scrambling is involved and the hike should take around 5/6 hours in total. 

10. Parker Ridge 

One of the my favorite spots on the Icefields Parkway, the famous stretch of road that connects Jasper with Lake Louise. The short hike takes you away from the road along a very well-maintained trail to a ridgeline, where the Saskatchewan Glacial Tongue can be seen protruding out of the Columbia Icefield.

It’s a popular spot to view wildflowers in the summer and should take around 3 hours to complete. The hike is awesome for beginners, who want to experience Canada’s rugged landscape. It will give you an opportunity to see a glacier that sadly might not exist in a few decades. 

11. Lake O’hara Alpine Circuit 

Lake O’hara alpine region might be the most sought after backcountry experience in the Canadian Rockies! What’s the fuss you may wonder? Every square kilometer of this place is filled with the most awe inspiring views.

The added bonus is the shuttle bus that will transport any keen hikers into this alpine paradise. There is a catch though! The bus only runs few times a day, spaces are very limited and prior reservations are mandatory. Only those with perseverance and patience of a saint will succeed in securing a spot. Your efforts however will be rewarded!

Lake O’hara is a place that will always be dear to my heart as that’s where I got engaged!

12. Rawson lake/Sarrail Ridge 

A favorite hike for instagrammers and another trip in the Kananaskis region that you shouldn’t miss. The hike starts along the shoreline of Upper Kananaskis lake.

After a mere 20 minutes, it starts gently climbing up to Rawson lake. A site to behold in its own terms. Those who like me, just can’t get enough of beautiful views should keep going. After circling around to the other end of the lake you will start a relentless ascent to the ridgeline. It may seem close, but mountains always like to play visual tricks on you. It’s definitely harder and longer than it seems! After another hour you will be compensated for your efforts with some of the best views in the Rockies! 

I hope this has filled your mind with possibilities, if you’re looking for more advice on hiking check out my Canada Travel Guide. Hiking is something very close to my heart and I’ve noticed a huge shift towards the outdoors in recent years. Whether it’s modern society being influenced by all the Instagrammers posting photos of the mountains or whether it’s a profound realization that we are part of something bigger, some kind of unified underlying global rising consciousness that we are one with nature. One thing is certain, the more people start to appreciate our beautiful Mother Earth the better, for her, and for us! So if you are planning a road-trip around the Canadian Rockies, make sure to squeeze a hike or two!

Have you been hiking in Canada and the Rockies? What’s your favorite? Share in the comments

The post 12 hikes in the Canadian Rockies to fulfill your wanderlust appeared first on Young Adventuress.

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[emilyisaacson]

Where did my summer go?

Where did it go?

It has been a long time since I posted anything here.*

I didn't mean for that to be the case. I certainly didn't intend to set aside all of my projects and my work that I wanted to do. And yet, that's exactly what happened. It's because of circumstances well beyond my control, but it still leaves me with a feeling of sadness and frustration with myself because I can't help but feel like I've gotten nothing done.

So the short(ish) version of what happened is this:

On July 21, my husband went to check in with his oncologist, because he was having problems with shortness of breath and a slightly elevated heart rate. The oncologist's response was to send us to the ER to get checked out for pneumonia.

It turns out that my husband did, indeed, have pneumonia. But that's not all that was wrong. The pneumonia was only part of the story -- and was the reason that we caught everything else. In addition to pneumonia, the doctors discovered a pleural effusion over the lower left lobe of his lung (the pneumonia was in the right upper lobe). On the 21st, the radiologist drew out the effusion and sent it for testing. The hospital admitted him and put him on antibiotics. I brought him home on the 23rd.

By the following Wednesday, he wasn't better. So, back to the ER we went. The fluid was rebuilding in his lungs. Then, after hours at our local hospital, the ER doctor decided to have him transferred to the main hospital in Toledo, where he was admitted in the early hours of July 27th. He stayed at that hospital until I brought him home the evening of August 16.

The hospital stay was protracted because the problems with his lungs created a problem with the electrical system of his heart, sending him into bouts of arrhythmia and tachycardia. Sometimes extraordinarily frightening bouts where they had to administer medication that basically stopped and reset his heart (this is the step they take before pulling out the crash cart and shocking the patient back into a lower/regular heartbeat). It's the kind of medication that requires having a doctor in the room to administer. It took time to figure out the right cocktail of medication to maintain a regular and lower heart rate.

But then, there's the bigger problem. Remember that effusion? It turns out that it was caused not by pneumonia, but rather by microscopic malignancies. These are the cells that survived the first round of chemotherapy in the spring; they were dormant when my husband had a PET scan in April, so they didn't show up (the good news from that scan is that the lymph nodes are clear and the nodule on the lung is gone). While the oncologists are incredibly optimistic, it's still a heartbreaking thing to realize that we're nowhere near the end of the treatments for this illness that we discovered last November.

I've brought the patient home and he is resting fairly comfortably. Rebuilding strength -- in his body, in his heart and lungs -- is slow-going. He's on oxygen. He's got a catheter that we use to drain the fluid building up in his lungs.

This was not how I expected to spend the last few weeks of my summer. I drove up to Toledo every day (it's about an hour in the car). The only day I took off -- and by take off, I mean "spent only a couple of hours in the hospital" -- was the day that I dealt with a bout of gastroenteritis. Because the hospital has wifi, I was able to do a lot of work, but there are also things that I'm not good at doing in public spaces -- most particularly write and revise. So, I'm ready for my semester (really, really ready), but I've gotten no writing done in a few weeks. I've not even read all of the comments on a book chapter that I have to revise (ahem, rewrite) by October 1. I just can't deal with trying to reframe an argument right now.

What does this say about our profession?

I keep thinking about this -- and I'm willing to write publicly about this -- not because I'm feeling sorry for myself (okay, there's a little of that), but mostly because I keep thinking about the type of pressure that the academy puts on us and the type of pressure that the academy encourages us to put on ourselves. I know that part of why I've fit into the academic world is that my personality fits: I've always been a self-motivated and independent worker; I've always been driven by a need to do everything right all the time; and I'm prone to perfectionism and putting my work above everything else. That's what the academy tends to want from us, and I fit right in.

Even though I have every excuse to not get things done and I now have tenure, I still can't help feeling like my inability to finish projects this summer shows failure on my part. There's this nagging voice in my head that's telling me that not only did I plan too many ambitious projects over the summer (which we all do), but I also failed to even get the basic stuff done. I wasted too much time dithering about. I wasted too much time before this medical emergency. I should have come home from the hospital and been working on my scholarship rather than writing in a journal.** These nagging voices in my head are, I realize, unreasonable. They are part of who I am, certainly -- but they're also part of academic life. There's that fear that if we miss out on something, then we'll never have the opportunity again. There's that fear that if we fail or falter in our posts -- whether they're at our jobs or in our scholarly organizations -- there's someone who will step in and take our place immediately. Given the casualization of academic labor, I don't know that this fear is entirely unreasonable. But it's entirely untenable.

We also, I think, have a tendency to place enormous value on perfecting our classrooms and our teaching. Of course we have a significant impact on our students' lives. But sometimes I wonder if we overvalue our individual contributions to that impact. I'm not suggesting that we're totally interchangeable or something like that, but I think we might sometimes take a step back from the conversation about our classrooms and withdraw some of the pressures that we create when we imply that if things don't go perfectly in the first days of classes, then everything else will be a disaster.***

So where do I go from here?

Well, for one thing, I'm going to keep journaling. I've been writing daily since July 27 and I think that means it might finally be sticking. I'm managing to write my thoughts not only on what worries me, but also on a number of other things that are rattling around in my brain. I've always wished that I were better at writing my thoughts and observations down, and it seems that I'm finally making a habit of it. Part of that habit is writing even when I'm not angry or scared, which was always my go-to before with journaling.

I'm also going to continue to work hard in my day job. I love what I do. I have ideas for how to implement some new community-building projects -- and we're going to do just that. But I also know that I can implement a lot of those things by calling in other people to do them. My job is to foster the right environment: other people can do the mentoring of the students.

I'm also trying to recognize my own limitations. I've always known that I have them -- that's why very few people have ever seen me attempt to play team sports (save members of the University of Missouri English Department circa 2003-2005. I am a bad, but enthusiastic softball player). But I also know that there are limits on what I can commit to. And I'm trying to remind myself of something I did realize once I was out of graduate school: opportunities will continue to crop up. Patience is a virtue within this profession, even if it feels like not doing something relegates us to the outside. I'm lucky enough to be at a point in my career -- tenured, with some decent article publications under my belt -- that I can be patient with myself.

The people that I work with are incredibly generous and open to helping, which I deeply appreciate.

I knew what I was getting into when I married my husband. I knew that a significant medical problem was a likelihood. He wrote about it in his first published essay (republished here with annotations). I also know that I'm not the only person dealing with a family member in medical crisis. I know that I've got family support, emotionally and financially should we need it. We're lucky in that way.

But I also know that we can talk more openly about the way that our family lives intervene in our careers -- and it's something that we can keep in mind when dealing with our colleagues and with our students. We need to be compassionate with ourselves and with everyone we come into contact with.

As academics, I think some of us can fall into a tendency to be least kind to ourselves. And that's why I think it's important to talk about all of this.

*I'm super bummed about the fact that I've fallen behind on my photography project, so I'll be back-filling posts for that. But the last time I posted anything before beginning that process was July 20. And the last time I actually wrote anything was in June.

**Oh yeah, part of why I've been off of social media and blogging is that I began journaling about this experience, which has really helped me process a lot.

***I have more to say on this, but I'm only just beginning to process this and consider it.