#I was nervous about posting this but one person reblogged and said they’re glad they read this and now I’m very glad I posted this

[chanellelize]

On Thursday, February 20, 2025, I got hit by a freight train.

Let me explain…

When I saw @wizard-loving-wizard post that Aabria was teaching a free masterclass in Hamilton, Ontario, I was crushed.

I live in Montreal, Quebec, which is a seven-hour drive from Hamilton. Round trip tickets would have cost me ~$200, which would have been perfectly affordable if it wasn’t for the dire financial situation I’ve been in for the last several months. I felt like I was missing out on a dream come true because I was just too much of a fuck up to reach out and take it.

I retreated to my Aabria appreciation post on Discord and vented about my inability to attend the event. Fifteen minutes later, a fellow Aabria fan, who I will refer to as “Ruby” replied, “Tell me how much it costs to get there and back- I will sponsor you.”

I almost immediately refused. They explained that they wanted to pay my way as a birthday present for themself, because they really wanted to see me follow my dreams. So, I decided to look up the current ticket prices. I did my research and learned the most efficient route was to take a bus from Montréal to Toronto, then from Toronto to Hamilton. Four tickets, round trip. Then, I registered to get my ticket for the masterclass, just to make sure I didn’t secure bus tickets only to find that the class had sold out.

I asked around some local social media groups to see what options I had and found someone who was looking to trade a bus ticket from Montreal to Toronto on the exact date of the event. They ended up trading me the ticket in exchange for a faux fur blanket that I forgot I had. Ruby congratulated me for snagging one of the tickets, but reminded me that their offer was still available.

I kept looking, in the hopes that I would eventually find a way to get from Toronto to Hamilton, and then back home again without having to accept freely-given financial support (no, I don't have a therapist, why do you ask?), but I had no such luck. I felt like I was on a perpetual roller coaster of hope and disappointment, but every time I got discouraged, I hummed “Impossible” from Rogers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella to myself – the Brandy and Whitney Houston rendition, specifically – and kept going.

On Wednesday, I had to accept that I probably would not be finding any more bus tickets on my own, so I thanked Ruby for reiterating the offer and told them how much I needed for the remaining three tickets. They sent me $200 regardless.

I bought the rest of the tickets and left for Toronto at 6:30 am Thursday morning.

On the way to Toronto, I got a Spill notification (Spill is a Black-owned social media app) reminding me about the weekly “Advanced Audacity” lecture series I had signed up for. It suddenly hit me that, last Thursday, I had said that I simply didn't have the funds to achieve my dreams. Naya, the audacity coach running the lecture series (yes, audacity coach) asked me what dream I didn’t have the funds for, and I said “becoming a performer/storyteller in the TTRPG space.” And there I was on a bus to McMaster University in Hamilton, Ontario to watch Aabria Iyengar teach a D&D storytelling masterclass, exactly seven days later.

Wild.

I got to the venue safely and settled in for the show. It was phenomenal, unsurprisingly. Aabria was joined on stage by four local D&D players, one of whom was a Black woman named Renée. Aabria began by giving a short talk on storytelling within the context of D&D (and the sociocultural implications that come with it), before spending the rest of the show DMing a brilliantly thrilling one-shot. I took notes throughout the entire event and had a lot of fun writing speculative marginalia about the thought-process behind her storytelling choices and jotting down the insights she shared as she paused to explain why she was doing something the way she was doing it.

I was also particularly struck by Bubbles, Renée's unsettlingly over-friendly Tiefling character. At some point, I leaned over to @wizard-loving-wizard (who I met and got to sit next to at the event) and whispered, “Bubbles is the Tabby to my Evan Kelmp.”

After the show, Aabria sat on the edge of the stage to chat with audience members, and my wildest dream of being able to nerd out about storytelling with Aabria Iyengar… was immediately shattered when she looked over at me and I reacted like Troy Barnes meeting LeVar Burton. I broke eye contact and starred at the ground, absolutely furious with myself. Thankfully, I remembered that I wanted to ask Aabria to record a video message for Ruby, so I did end up meeting her.

I told her about the blanket–bus ticket trade and Ruby's generosity, and then I tried to ask for a video message, but I just said "Um," forever until she asked me if I wanted to send Ruby something. I jammed my phone into her hand, and she said, "Oh, I'm doing it?" and I said, "I DUNNO," to which she replied, "No, we're all in this now!" turned into a selfie stick, and recorded a minute long heartfelt message for Ruby with WLW and I just kinda hanging out in the background. Then she asked me if I wanted to take a photo with her. After the photo, she said something that I cannot remember, but I remember saying, "I am not here," in response, to which she replied, "No, don't dissociate!" And then I dissociated, and I don't remember what happened between that and saying goodbye, but I do remember that after I said goodbye, I said, “Flee the scene!” and legged it.

So, I didn’t exactly get to discuss any of the notes I had taken, but I did meet Aabria Iyengar, and that alone is a dream come true, even though I became a version of myself nobody has ever seen before and I hope to God no one ever sees again, because, what the fuck… was that.

Anyways.

WLW couldn’t stay for the after party but kindly dropped me off. I was starting to get pretty tired, and I was disappointed that I didn’t get to properly talk to Aabria, so I didn’t actually want to go anymore, but I also didn’t want to give up on having the opportunity to have a conversation about storytelling with somebody. So, I went inside.

I spent a long time just kind of standing in a corner by myself until I worked up the courage to approach someone else who was also just kind of off to the side, and we ended up striking up a conversation. We chatted about the show, and as we spoke, I slowly came to the realization that most of the people who came out to the masterclass were motivated by an interest in D&D.

Now, this sounds like a dumb realization to make after traveling for seven hours to attend a D&D masterclass, but it was an important one, because I don’t give that big of a fuck about D&D. I’ve never played a single TTRPG in my goddamn life. Would I? Sure. But D&D had nothing to do with how desperately I wanted to go to that masterclass. I was drawn in by something else.

Last Thursday, Naya the audacity coach said that one of the ways we think ourselves out of our dreams is by assuming that everybody would be doing what we want to be doing if it was something that anybody could just up and do. But that assumption is false. Everybody has different dreams. Not everybody wants to be doing what you want to do. And I looked around the room and saw Renée on the other side and realized we were the only Black women there.

I didn’t feel quite up to breaking the ice, but thankfully my conversation partner wanted to go ask Renée what Bubbles’ class was, because she had the other three pretty much figured out. So we walked over and joined the conversation. Bubbles turned out to be a druid, and the reason she was hard to identify was because Renée did not take a single combat action during the entire one-shot and Bubbles was still a fascinating and engaging character nonetheless. I’m not exactly sure where the conversation went from there, but I remember getting really excited because Renée said Bubbles’ whole “unaware that she’s freaking people out by being too friendly” vibe really resonated with her, and I excitedly told her that it really resonated with me too, and then there was this lovely moment where Renée started talking about how much harder it is to be a weirdo when you’re already a visible minority, and she started a phrase that ended with “when all they see is,” and she looked me right in the eyes and paused for the tiniest fraction of a second before saying, “sharp teeth and horns.” I already knew how common it is for a Black person to play as Tieflings, but using a Tiefling as a literal metaphor in order to talk about your experiences as a Black person while physically, not figuratively, but literally standing in a predominantly-white space and simultaneously protecting that expression of self from getting hijacked and repurposed as a teachable moment for the benefit of everybody else in the room but you absolutely blew my mind.

I have strongly identified with the song "In My Own Little Corner" since the first time I heard Brandy sing it as Cinderella, but "Impossible" didn't resonate with me until I watched the first episode of “Burrow’s End” on YouTube and Aabria became my Storytelling Fairy Godmother. Since then, I’ve been hearing “Impossible” playing from some vague, untraceable location in the distance that I had no real hope of finding. But, on Monday, it crystallized to a single point over Hamilton, Ontario, and on Tuesday, it started getting louder, like the horn of an approaching freight train, and it kept getting louder, until Thursday, February 20, 2025, the freight train hit, and I’m different now.

Fuck it, I’m different now.

It was Impossible for me to go to the masterclass, so somebody else sent me. And it was Impossible for me to achieve my dreams because if they were possible, everybody else would be doing it too, but I just sat in a room with 300+ people who don’t want what I want, so…

I’ve never been fired, but I did find out that I’d used up all my student funding last semester in the middle of midterms when I was too stressed to do anything about it, and I haven’t been able to pay rent since September. So, fuck it! I have the audacity. This is my Doechii moment now.

I’m going to go to a bunch of studios and ask if they have any internships open and ask questions, and by that I mean I’m going to connect with the Renées and the Aabrias, and all the other Black women storytellers, and talk to them about creating, and playing, and performing, and critiquing games, and stories, and characters, and worlds.

I’m going to message Renée and tell her I really enjoyed talking with her about her unique approach to gameplay and I’m going to ask if she’s free to chat more about it.

I’m even going to tag @quiddie and not even panic a little bit about it. Sup prof, lecture was sick, do you do… office hours…?

Anyways, that’s the story of how I got hit by a motherfucking freight train.

[specialagentartemis]

I get what ur saying but equating special interest (as an autistic term) to "personal interest reading" and like, a quirky little interest feels kinda... off. I truly mean no offense by this, but I'm getting a degree in cultural anthropology, which is my special interest. Like, it feels dismissive to say those things when plenty of autistic people are pursuing degrees in their special interests.

Obviously not all of us are, obviously a lot of autistic people do just research it in their free time, but your phrasing very much feels othering and as though you think academic field of study and special interest are mutually exclusive.

You know, last night when I turned off reblogs on that post I also made a tumblr post that said “what’s the over/under that I wake up to an anon asking me why I hate autistic people and think they can’t get degrees” and then I deleted it because I thought it was too mean. And yet here we are and what did I wake up to find.

I admit, my phrasing in that comment was flippant and irritated and did not acknowledge the breadth and depth of what a special interest experience is, because I was responding to one of dozens of people who were doing exactly what was annoying me in the first place on my post: acting like the only reason someone would get an academic degree is because they are autistic, and degrees are inherently synonymous with Special Interest.

Good for you that you are getting an academic degree in your special interest! That’s great. I’m glad for you. However that was not even slightly the context of the scenario I was talking about in my original post. And it would be nice if my knowledge about Archaeology was not assumed to arise from my biologically innate special-ness (which was also assumed). It would be nice if people on Tumblr would stop talking about expertise as if there were two kinds of people: autistic people, who are naturally biologically gifted with knowledge, and Neurotypicals, who are incapable of having interests or passions or knowledge. It would be nice if people would stop armchair diagnosing strangers based on one interaction. It would be nice if tumblr could respect people for research, experience, and dedication, without assuming that it’s only legitimate if you have a biologically unique Special Interest and casting suspicion on anyone in academia. It would be nice if we could stop assuming that simply being autistic and having a special interest automatically makes you an expert if that kind of experience and rigorous research isn’t there.

I have an internet friend whose special interest is dogs and dog training. I don’t trust them about dogs because they’re autistic, I trust them about dogs because they have years of experience raising and training and learning about dogs. Regardless of whether your interest is a Special Interest or not, experience and dedicated research (whether in a university or on your own with rigorous checks that you’re actually learning things that are true) are what makes your knowledge legitimate, not whether you were born with the correct type of brain. Bioessentialism isn’t cool even when it tells you that you’re the Better kind of person. Especially then, actually.

It’s also very funny (derogatory) to me that this is the website that CONSTANTLY passes around PSA’s to the tune of “Your selfish ex isn’t a Narcissist just because they’re selfish! You don’t have OCD just because you like things to be clean! Being nervous before public speaking is not the same as having an anxiety disorder! ADHD is more than just getting distracted!” And then turn around and go “if you are interested in/knowledgeable about something that means you’re obviously autistic.” And see no contradiction and get mad when I make a frustrated post about it.

Some people have Special Interests AND a degree in them. It’s pretty common and that’s great. Some people have special interests and do NOT have a degree in them. That does not make you any lesser of a person but you gotta show your knowledge is thorough and accurate in other ways, then, if you want to be taken seriously as an expert. There are absolutely experts who have autistic special interests and no formal degrees but you still gotta show your work rather than taking it for granted. Some people do NOT have special interests and DO have a degree. This does not mean they are actually secretly autistic or that their knowledge is lesser than someone with a special interest. Some people do NOT have special interests and do NOT have a degree but have experience and expertise in other areas. That is also fine, and believe it or not, happens. You may observe that there is not a direct correlation here.

This isn’t about balking at being compared to autistic people, as someone else in the notes accused, and this isn’t about saying “academic field of study and special interest are mutually exclusive”. I did not in fact say that. I just did not want my academic field of study reduced to an internet teenager’s armchair diagnosis which is the situation that the original post was about and a lot of people on tumblr enthusiastically agreed with.

[shotorozu]

Hey! I read the post with Mirio, Kirishima and Shoto reacting to their SO's ex still being obsessed with them so i was wondering if you could be a version with Bakugo, Deku and Hawks! It's alright if not!

sure thing :) for this one, i’ll just cut it to the chase 

your ex is still obsessed with you

characters : bakugou katsuki, midoriya izuku, keigo takami (hawks)

legend: [Y/N = your name]  gender neutral

toxic tendencies, beware‼️ (it’s not too too severe so don’t worry)

part one here  

≿————-　❈　————-≾

bakugou katsuki

going after katsuki’s s/o is like,, attacking a group of hornets

it never ends well for you

being with baku’s s/o automatically makes you restricted to anyone else

and anyone that showed interest in you before backed off— or kept that to themselves

except for your ex

you and katsuki are coming back from getting snacks for your movie marathon later

and he’s listening to you talking, while you two are walking of course

and he catches the familiar face of your ex

it appears to be that he’s looking for someone.

and suddenly— he’s approaching the both of you, immediately recognizing you

baku’s grip on your hand tightens protectively, and you stop to question him

“it’s nothing, idiot. let’s just take a detour.”

“what?? but the dorm is right that way- oh.”

baku practically scowls, as your ex is calling out to you in a song like tune

now you both are trapped in, but bakugou creates space— so he’s not creeping in on you.

bakugou remembers your ex as the one that turned you into a completely different person

it was kinda painful, since he was pinning after you too

you were a relaxed person, and an overall optimistic individual

but being with your ex completely made you into a different person— your first thought always being the negative, and you were anxious overall

luckily, bakugou helped you out of that relationship— and gave you a sense of security

that was 10 months ago at this point

as soon as your ex opens their mouth, bakugou doesn’t waste time to shut them down

“shut your mouth, extra. you don’t know what you’re talking about at all.” he says as he moves with you to leave, not caring at all about what your ex has to say

your ex is spouting nonsense at this point, but you don’t hear it— since bakugou is distracting you with his own talking

when you guys get back, he pulls you onto his lap, his hand laced into yours

soft bakugou moment

“look Y/N, i know what you’re thinking just stop it. he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, what matters now is the present.”

you don’t say anything, but your grip on his hand tightens— as you rest your head on his shoulder “thank you, katsuki.”

you don’t see your ex again afterwards, but bakugou definitely blasted him into space

midoriya izuku

regarding your ex, he’s kinda nervous

not for him, but for you—

he’s worried that one day, you’ll accidentally bump into him— and you’ll be forced into an uncomfortable scenario

your ex was the one that never allowed you to be happy with other people

so constantly— you found yourself crying yourself to sleep

and izuku happened to see it, and he hated it!

he hated it because he wasn’t making you happy and he had a crush on you too, he’d make you happy 24/7

after a while, izuku convinced you to dump him— and it’s been a year since then

but your ex is still hung on for some reason

izuku is rambling while you guys head back after a date, and he’s listening to you reply to his rambling in adoration

but he looks back to where he’s walking for a split second— and he spots a familiar face

your ex!! (uh oh)

izuku squeaks, trying to convince you to take a detour— you don’t get a chance to question him

but you see your ex, which is at a reasonable distance still

and you understand immediately

you both try to just walk to your dorm nonchalantly, totally acting like no one is following you

but you’re both cornered, and your ex has this fake friendly aura around him

“what’s wrong, Y/N?” he sees that you’re not looking at him, “i just want to- is this your boyfriend?”

“yes!” izuku speaks, loud enough for your ex to hear.

“ah, aren’t you that midoriya kid? Y/N, are you that desperate? didn’t i tell you how i’m the only one that could make you happy?”

you blink, and midoriya frowns “don’t act like you know Y/N, please.”

he looks back at you, giving a nervous smile— before leaving with you, hand and hand

he doesn’t allow you to hear your ex say anything, as he speaks

“ahh! i was so nervous. i was worried he was going to do something to you!”

not that he’d need to protect you, since you’re strong

but he likes protecting you, you feel me??

he notices that you haven’t said much since seeing your ex, and he places his hands on your back

coaxing you to speak whatever is on your mind with his gentle touch

“are you okay Y/N? i hope you know that i love you, no matter what your ex says about you.”

you sigh, “i love you too izuku, i just.. seeing him today caught me off guard, especially after our date.”

you hug him, burying your head into the crook of his neck— and he smiles “don’t worry Y/N! you’ll never see him again.”

and he goes on his word :) you never see him again (though the reason is unknown)

keigo takami (hawks)

lets say you’re on your day off from heroing, while hawks is working

you’re getting groceries for later— to cook hawks his favorite food

and walking back, you don’t notice how your ex is trailing you

meanwhile, hawks is on his mini break— flying back to your apartment to see you

he’s surprised when he sees you walking with a hand of groceries

but he’s surprised x2 when he sees your ex trailing you

hawks knows your ex as the one that broke down your confidence, questioning your abilities and judging your appearance

he also had tendencies in destroying your items— so you wouldn’t be too attractive, y’know

you’re a confident person, that’s what hawks loved the most about you

but gradually day by day— he saw your confidence diminish

you were great friends before getting together

and he always caught you questioning or doubting yourself, if it would be which outfit would be best at getting lunch with him, or just getting groceries

and he didn’t like it at all, this isn’t you

so he was so glad to hear that you dumped him

it’s been a year and a half since (wow, an ex that’s really obsessed)

he’s following you, and hawks can see that you’re getting closer and closer to your apartment, and he’s getting closer and closer to you

uh oh

anyway, hawks swoops down— catching your ex off guard

“lovely day outside isn’t it citizen?” he says in a friendly matter, and your ex tries to make excuses for himself

“i’m j-just following them so they’re safe y’know! you make it sound like i’m planning something.”

hawks hums, “hm, and Y/N’s a hero, aren’t they? they can protect themselves.”

“who do you think you are anyway??”

“their boyfriend” hawks says deadpan, his face switches back to a friendly smile “don’t be mistaken, i know what you did to Y/N before. they’re a lot confident, and a lot happier with me.”

your ex clicks their tongue in annoyance, and walks away

hawks flies to your apartment— and calls out for your name

“keigo?” you call out “what was that about??”

hawks hums, wrapping his arms around you— his wings flutter “nothing Y/N, it’s just some weirdo. you should pay attention to your surroundings more! even if you’re a hero— dove.”

you don’t know what he’s talking about, but he seems content, so you’re happy.

hawks makes sure you don’t see your ex again— even if he has to resort to.. not so nice ways

to make sure you’re a happy song bird :))

≿————-　❈　————-≾

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thank you for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei. i only own the writing

do not steal my work :)

[heyheshi]

Roommates...?

1.7k words

written and uploaded: July 30, 2020

🦋 - fluff

Please like and reblog! Also please don't post my writings anywhere!

Here's your request! Hope you like it!

Masterlist

Part 1

Part 3

_________

It has been almost a week since the last time you've seen Harry and you have to admit - he wasn't bad at all. You expected him to be like the other famous people who think that the world revolves around them but well he is the exact opposite.

He's so down to earth and open-minded about everything, you almost forgot that he's a celebrity during your meal! He was so eager to listen and learn about the town he's going to be staying in.

He's also a proper gentleman. It's common to have your door open up for you if you're on the passenger's seat but what surprises you was that after you parked the car outside of the resto, he went around the car to open up your door - the driver's door!

It didn't stop that, he opened the door of the resto for you and let you in first. Even pulled back your chair for you! The boyfriends of your other friends would be ashamed if they saw him.

Also, he made sure that you won't pay a cent and told you that you can only give the tip - which by the way was also generously given by him already.

You probably looked like a couple that day and you can't deny the fact that you found him interesting... and cute... and really handsome even though he didn't say much about himself and neither do you - just the basics. No one can know that you're infatuated by him, especially your cousin - who for sure is gonna rub the car's magic on you, plus you dropped him off his hotel after you ate.

But it didn't stop you from typing his name on your search engine and looking at his pictures. What can you say, he's an eye candy and you probably won't see him again since you live in the small village of your town and he would probably leave after a few days after all.

But how wrong could you be? Very, super, extremely, tremendously and all the adverb you can think of that have the same meaning as 'so so so wrong'.

You were carrying a tray of your best selling bagels when you saw a familiar head ordering on the counter from the glass on the door of the kitchen.

It's not like you didn't like seeing him - it's just that you're sure that you're going to be all blushy and shy in front of him after developing a crush on the guy.

"2 bagels and a classic tea!", the voice from intercom can be heard through the kitchen and that's when you know that you have to face heaven - oh you mean Harry, soon.

You made a beeline to the pastry display counter with your head hanging low hoping that he wouldn't see you but too late for that.

"Y/N! I didn't know you work here!", well there goes the prince charming, smiling brightly at you while you have to basically snap yourself out of your thoughts.

"Oh, she owns this bakery along with a few other branches.", one of your employees, Kayla, replied to him seeing as you won't be talking anytime soon, then she winked at you.

"Really?!", Harry walked in front of the display counter to talk to you as you finished displaying all the bagels out.

"Yeah, um well you know I own a bakery and this is my first shop, my main outlet.", you smiled a little trying so hard not to blurt anything embarrassing in front of him.

"You look nice.", Harry said but quickly corrected himself trying to play it cool, "what I meant was it was nice seeing you and this place looks cozily chic."

"Thank you. I try, really.", your brain is screaming to not overthink what he said but your cheeks and ear betrayed you, "why don't you take a seat, there's a cute table near the corner if you want some privacy."

"Will you join me? I mean you're the owner and well you're my only friend here in this town so far.", friend - oh well at least you two are friends... right? You really need to shut up now. This isn't how you were acting when you first met him!

"Of course! I'm done working anyway."

"Great! I'll be right there!", with that, he nods his head and strutted to the table on the far end of your shop.

You quickly removed your apron and insisted on bringing his order to him, not before stealing a muffin and a cookie from the kitchen, and getting your water bottle from your bag.

"So how are you liking it here?", you asked Harry while slowly placing his meal on the table for him.

"It's great! I quite like it here actually, my hotel was in the busier part of the town but I don't mind that much. I'm glad I discovered this little village to escape.", Harry explained, taking a bite on the bagel you just made, "mhmm, now I know why this is your best selling pastry."

You laughed at him while shrugging, "thank you, it was a family recipe and I don't let anyone make that bagel, they can make the other pastries but not that one - too sacred."

"I know exactly what you're talking about, it's like writing a song but not letting anyone hear it because it was your baby," H laughed at his own words, "oh, this tea reminds me of how my mum makes my tea, now I miss her.", his face now sporting an overly exaggerated pout after taking a sip of his tea and both of your laughs can be heard from a few tables down.

"Are you planning on going home?", you didn't mean to intrude, you're just curious.

"Oh, so you want me out now? Should've killed you that day!", he joked. If it was another guy, you would've left your seat and never look back but this was Harry we're talking about - and this is not a date.

"Wh- no! I was just asking! Plus we love having you here! You're welcome in our town!", if your mouth hasn't said anything then you wouldn't be blushing and Harry wouldn't be holding his stomach from laughing so hard.

"Oh, so now you love me, huh? That's not what you were saying before!", he was like a switch, before he was laughing so hard bit now his face is stoic without any trace of anything.

"No, what I me-"

"Just kidding! Should've seen your face, love!", now he's back on cackling and he looks adorable and cuddly - shut up Y/N!

"That's not funny...", you guilt-tripped him with your distressed and agitated face.

"I'm sorry!", H was still laughing while putting his hands in the air while you only crossed your arms in your chest.

You two made small talk while scarfing down your foods and asked him the question you didn't know if it should make you ecstatic or nervous about what's to come.

"Why did you said our village is your escape? I thought you already did that when you decided to stay here in our town?", you finished your cookie and drank your water.

"Dunno, this place is peaceful. The main town is great but a lot of fans have been waiting outside of the hotel and I feel like I'm not having the privacy I was looking for the first place, you know?"

"I'm sorry about that. I know this is not an excuse but no celebrity has ever stayed this long in our town that's why they're probably like that...", you looked at him with sympathy in your eyes.

"It's all good. I talked to my friend Jeff about it and he told me that if I'm planning on staying here longer then I should find a place - like a room or an apartment to stay and that's how I found this shop. I was strolling, I don't trust the internet ads, I'd like to look for one myself and that brought me to your neighborhood.", Harry explained and the only words that registered on your mind were "staying here longer".

"That's probably the best idea, not staying long in a hotel - I mean. How long do you think you're staying? Have you found a place?"

"For a few months most definitely. There are barely paps in here and I'm also planning on writing a few of my songs here... and sadly I haven't. Most apartments are on the commercial part of the town and I'm finding somewhere quiet. This kind of neighborhood perhaps.", he explained to you and you cannot stop your mouth from blurting out the next few words.

"I just bought a house a few blocks in this village and well I have an extra room...", well that was fast, your mind screams at you while you shut your eyes tightly.

"Are you offering me to be your roommate or housemate? I don't wanna seem desperate but you're pretty much the only person I know in here and I like this village so I'm not turning your offer down.", Harry eagerly replied to you but still keeping his cool intact.

"I think I am..."

"Really? Wow, thank you! Don't worry, I'm a good roommate - if the offer is still valid!", you and Harry both chuckled at that while standing in your seats.

"Well then, why don't I take you on a tour and show you the house? The village is full of families it's really peaceful here. And I'm not always home so you won't be bothered by me!", you joked at him as you went back to the shop's kitchen to get your things and say goodbye to your employees.

"Oh I know I'm the one who'll be bothering you a lot!", Harry opened the door for you as he joked.

"We'll see!", you just winked at him and walked in front of him while he jogged to catch up to you.

You introduced Harry to the village and showed him around your house. Hopefully, he'd like your home enough to be roommates with you.

_____

[venusgirltarot]

okayyyy so this is a feedback ask- i don't like to call it feedback so it's a rant about your accuracy. BUT BEFORE ANYTHING can i just say that you're absolutely adorable? i am new follower and you recently reached 200 followers and you reblogged one of your posts which you had uploaded when you had 100 followers and THAT WAS SO SWEET OMG- 💗🦋 also i love the way you attach links to every PAC which leads to a specific pile. its such a unique way and HONESTLY IT MAKES THE READING EASIER TO UNDERSTAND FOR SOME REASON. alsoooo i love the aesthetics you use for each PAC and their pictures- how prettyyy 😭🦋

okay so now here comes the rant- it's about your "What do you need to focus on right now" (pile 2)

okay honestly, you just really talked about how beautiful i am inside out and honestly i am blushing 💗 YOU EXPLAINED IT SO CUTELY- AHAHSJDJSJJD cutie 🦋

you said a person might be coming in- (😃) and they'd wanna appreciate myself as they do... honestly i'm tRYING but it's hard-

also you said they get nervous around me (that's cute honestly-) AND IT'S ACCURATE cause well i get from other posts as well 🦋 they may stumble or stutter AND I WOULD FIND IT SO CUTE TO BE HONEST 😭

they're very flirty. are they? 😌 cause i flirt a LOT. with my friends and i tease people a LOT in the very flirtatious way so i would love that 💗

also stawp- stawp- saying that they might find me attractive or i'm attractive in general (i'm blushing way too hard pls- 🦋)

also you said you were seeing an angel when you said that. istg. that's really the sweetest thing i've come across (thank youuuu)

you mentioned that might be intimidated (honestly your accuracy is * chef's kiss *) you also said how they would feel like time has stopped when they see me like we see in cartoons when the main character walks in. That's SO FREAKING SWEET HOLY SHI- (YOU'RE WAY TOO CUTE FOR THIS WORLD 💗)

and let me tell you, the keywords you mentioned ALMOST ALL OF THEM RESONATED for example

• Leo Moon (i might have got that for the 5373838th time)

• 12th House (idk about him but I HAVE SO MANY PLANETS IN THE 12TH HOUSE-)

• stop doubting yourself (im tryinggg 😭)

• i think about you at night (🦋🦋)

• i messed up (every reading says that he might have some playboy vibes and that he might mess up his chance with me but he'll definitely correct himself and be back. this also explains why you said "when the time is right, it will come" & "the best is yet to be")

OVERALL I LOVED IT SO MUCH? LIKE GODDAMN- i have re-reading it so muchhhh 😭💗 thank you so much for posting this. i absolutely loved it and it absolutely resonated, thank you 🦋

ahhhh this is the sweetest feedback ever 😭 I’ve been reading this over and over again and I’m genuinely speechless 🥺

I’m so glad someone appreciates my links. I have to put them all in right after the PAC is posted and it’s genuinely the most stressful experience 😭 knowing that it makes the reading easier to understand makes me so happy.

I’m so happy so many people have liked the pictures 🥺 I’m so picky about which pictures I use and I probably spend more time on Pinterest looking for the pictures than I do on the reading 💀 I’m so glad you all like them as well!!!!

I’m so glad you liked the reading and it resonated! You truly are so so beautiful and I hope the reading has helped you realize that a bit more :) I’m so excited for you and your future with this new person and I hope you have so many more good things coming your way! You deserve it 💕

Thank you so much for the feedback. It’s made my whole week 🥺 and thank you so much for the many many compliments! They’re very sweet and I appreciate them 😭💕

I hope you’re having a good day or night. Sending you so much love and light and wishing you the best in all you do! 💕

[wavesmp3]

directors cut: oasis

[doing this entirely for myself, out of pure self indulgence lol] [this will be very messy/poorly organized and there will be spoilers]

okay so where to even begin omg..... we will start with the origins of oasis:

its actually, techinically a spin off of the world from this drabble with dino from svt. which the world in this drabble is what the world from oasis would look like very far in the future. but i changed a lot between writing that drabble and creating oasis. but there should be a scene in the drabble that is very similar to a part in oasis (hint: the first vision they got from saskila was not just a random vision with no meaning.......hehe)

but that drabble (its titled dreamscapes) was inspired by a mix of this post on tumblr about how nuclear waste warning signs sounded very cool and the book that i was reading called the children of blood and bone by tomi adeyemi

and then after i had made that drabble i saw dee’s (@/atbzkingdom’s) post about the time capsule collab, and i had a couple ideas of what i could do for it but i ultimately decided on what would eventually become oasis !! so i guess we really have dee and that collab to thank for this piece lol

now for the timeline of me writing:

so i started outlining this piece in the first couple days of january, and normally outlines take me a while to come up with just because i struggle in coming up with plot, but i knew that my spring semester of classes would be starting soon and that I didn’t have a lot of time so i just sort of grinded an outline out as well several paragraphs of pure worldbuilding. 

and then i started writing

and wow i was Really writing!! at my peak productivity i was easily getting down like 2k a day which for me is insane (for reference, i wrote 1k a day for tsiytt and i struggled my way through that) 

but then life happens classes had begun and my writing for oasis slowly become nothing... 

i really only found the time to work on the piece every other weekend, so i was really nervous that i wouldn’t finish in time (which technically i didn’t cause it was supposed to come out march 1st) but luckily i did

and at some point in february, i had lost so much of my momentum and motivation for this piece that i almost gave up on it. (at this point i was writing the scenes after they find the seat of wisdom destroyed) but again luckily i did not, but i personally can definitely see a decline in the quality of my writing towards the end (i mean maybe its in my head, but its sort of like i can see the loss of love for the wip in my writing at the end of it)

but don’t misunderstand, i still love oasis!! and in all honesty, i’m already considering starting a second draft to it, which is way sooner than i thought i would lol

also when i started writing this piece, i began writing it in the order that it would be read, but then halfway i switched to writing chronologically

anyways, something i learned while writing this piece, is that writing is a marathon. whereas, even with my longer pieces, i always viewed writing as a sprint. so as i start venturing into original works and more lengthy pieces of writing, i think this was a very valuable lesson for me to have learned.

okay now to the good stuff lol: [the first word of the bullet about the next chapter (?) is bolded for some crumbs of an organized commentary]

so this is jumping to the first past bit... but when i first wrote farah i had a very different plan for her character than who she ended up being. i had imagined that she’d be a lot more cold and a tough love sort of person. so that’s who i was writing when she’s first introduced in the flashback, but she very quickly become a much kinder full of love sort of person. but anyways i mention this because whenever i read that first part and the introduction of her character, i’m always a bit taken aback by how like mean here character is to crown then lol

also zoar !!!! its a terrible place, but i love that underground city

i also wrote the first flashback after i had written the scene where crown and chanhee are talking at his place in andhor, so the whole “fearless” connection was done very purposefully here since i knew how it’d be referenced in the next scene. someone mentioned this small connection in their reblog but i cant remember who 

also rashi is my favorite character xD

i personally think how crown and chanhee became friends (the running thing) is so cute 

this first bit of conversation between crown and chanhee when it switches back to the present and chanhee is giving them a tour of andhor is actually quite important to me, in the sense that its the first glimpse of how their actual relationship works and how they act together and just like their dynamic despite the fact that they havent seen each other in so long 

and yeah i think kyu mentioned this and a few others, but i love how awkward it is when chanhee and crown are in his home in andhor, cause one: they havent seen each other in years! but also: anyone else find going to someone’s place for the first time oddly intimate, like wow you’re opening up your home to me and now suddenly idk how to sit or stand or what to do with my arms... maybe just me LMAO

DUDE i struggled so hard with making it so that chanhee knew how impossible this whole mission was going to be without actually revealing that he knows about the mirror. it was so hard for me, hopefully it came out alright though. if anyone is reading this, did the twist(s) come as a shock to you? did you see it coming? or did it feel like it came out of absolutely no where and not in a good way?

yes i did name the desert after the department store kohls .....

i was so excited to explain all the mage types, i had so much fun writing this whole chapter 

fun fact: there was originally another sub group of psyche mages called dream mages who had like powers with dreams and stuff, but it ended up being irrelevant and really underdeveloped so it took it out

if anyone else was raised catholic or is catholic then i’d hope you recognize the names of all the relics.... i stole them from a prayer in the rosary whoops

it took me very long time to figure out exactly how the whole soul for the relic business would work, and idk if im a 100% satisfied with what it is/how it works/how it plays into rashi giving chanhee the locket

the note new gives crown.... the first slice of their friendship blooming, bro i eat that shit up 

this part where crown and rashi are talking after the lesson is actually one of my favorites. (like i said i love rashi, but i just really love her interreacting with crown, i think they have such an interesting dynamic and one that i’ve seen irl a lot between students and teachers, where the student adores the teacher... i’ll get more into this later) but moving on, i like it for a number of reasons. one: it’s the first time we as readers get to see rashi talk outside of her role as lesson master. two: i love crown getting this validation from rashi. it’s not really expanded on a lot, but crown’s magic is definitely a bit of an insecurity for them, in the way that they don’t feel like it belongs to them. but here rashi comes, this person that crown looks up to so much, and telling crown that they’re a bit similar when it comes to having magic. and surprising crown by comforting them. and... idk i just really love this moment for crown.

okay this line: “You call your mom Rashi?” is a lowkey reference to game plan,, if anyone knows what i’m talking about then please come clown me for nearly having the entire movie memorized 

oh, i also find the capital really cool. in my head the capital was always one huge building that contains an entire city but i realized while editing that i never really explained that, so idk if i successfully described the capital as cool as it is to me 

also the five friends part.....CUTE

when chanhee says “i know. i remember.” !!! girl i felt that line with my entire chest. idk why

okay wait this part: “But that knowledge seems to fall flat right now. Because despite everything, curiosity won the war.” i love it so much, its that tiny of sliver of hope that gets me personally

i think this part where crown’s pride is so hurt by no one telling them about chanhee’s healing magic is quite important because its a glimpse of how stubborn and prideful and headstrong of a character they can be 

also this : “ ‘and do you believe everything rashi says’ / without hesitation, you answer, ‘yes, of course’ “ this is another example of how highly crown thinks of rashi while growing up, almost to a fault. to the point where crown thought rashi could do no wrong. which i think is so interesting to think about when contrasted with the fight crown and chanhee have in the jungle where crown is the one discussing how rashi was wrong. i just like how much growth crown has had between all these years. and their opinion / perspective on rashi is one of the largest indicators of that growth. 

I also just really like that paragraph where shadow vs healing is explained... I think chanhee’s magic is so sick

oh also the names thing.... I can’t remember where I got the idea to do that from but im so glad I did. its one of my favorite aspects to this world, and it looks like a lot of other people enjoyed it as well. but apart from the intimacy of it, i love how the use of names affects one’s magic. and that paragraph where they go through all that a mage could do with a name. it gives me chills. just cause.... the possibilities

so many people have mentioned this line.... but I must too, so this part: “magic always comes with a price. this is new’s” ..... crazy

saskila scares me omg

again the first vision they see is not a random scene.... the easter eggs I planted with that mwahaha

yeah that scene where they’re outside the tent discussing who should give their name to saskila..... I love that scene chanhee’s “I don’t have anyone but you” and crown deflecting all that tension with the pinky promise and the saskila calling them lovers.... mwah

this random scene about the hot summer and laying with Farah and new in the gardens is another one of my favorite, it’s just so sweet

but this next scene makes me so sad

like I know what happens and I know that everything turns out okay but I get so scared for crown

yeah just that entire part after Rashi gets to them and when they’re going to the infirmary and before crown passes out... I love that whole part. i think i did an effective job of writing the gravity of that whole moment. cause it makes me a little stunned every time I read it. and I was pretty nervous about not being able to do that scene and that moment justice so I’m glad it turned out like it did

and again this line: magic always comes with a price, and in your case, it comes with several.

okay this part after they jump out of the ship and crown is talking to Chanhee but that other dude is talking too... I hope it’s not too confusing. I really wanted to show through the writing that this was all happening at the same time, but idk it came out well. like in my mind I have such a clear picture of this scene, but I have no clue if I did effective job of showing you guys what I’m seeing through the writing

oh yeah, crowns thing about dual wielding and engulfing the blades in flames.... I find that so cool. they’re so sick for that

yeah also the part where crowns hurt and they give Chanhee their name and they use it.... great moment, but I feel like my writing is a bit lacking here. i just know it could be better.

I think at this point of writing my classes had started, and again the disparity in writing quality is so obvious to me 

but the line where chanhee is describing how it all feels, and it says “chanhee feels golden” was inspired by daylight by taylor swift, theres a line in that song that goes “i used to think love would be burning red, but its golden” and like hello the parallels between that and crown’s fire magic.... something to think about 

so this next part where it’s back to the past and crown is getting in trouble (as crown does) but the part where crown is like asking but not directly asking for rashi’s name.... that part is so crazy to me cause it’s feels so out of place. but it was purposeful. i was trying to show that crown’s growing and that they’re at this weird age where they feel invincible. and also i wanted to put more emphasis on how being royal and the heir to the throne kind of effects the relationships crown has

and the last line of this part when rashi says “never abuse it” it gives me chills whew

the next part ... another part that i had high hopes for in the outlining stages of writing, but when it came to actually writing, this scene totally flopped, i’m gonna try not to dwell on this part too much cause i just know most of my comments will be about how much i don’t like it. but just overall, this scene could have been SO MUCH BETTER !

omg this little interaction: ““Look!” Chanhee deadpans, shooting you a glare. “The match is about to begin.” / “Wish me luck.” /  “I hope you lose.”” i think its so funny and cute

“ Your eyes immediately got to Rashi “ another example of how highly crown regards rashi 

“In Wurltan.” hmmmmmm sus.... *laughs in i love mentioning things that won’t make sense to reader until later*

okay this: “Yes, but not just any mage. I…” your voice trails off, pulling at your fingers and looking anywhere but at him. “I wanted you to know.” i cannot stand these two omg 

okay this part: “Chanhee thinks and overthinks the words spoken between you both. His mind drifts off to last night as well, that moment in the tent where you shared your warmth. He doesn’t even realize he’s staring at you until you give him a funny look. He quickly looks away and wonders if you’re overthinking everything as relentlessly as he is.” this part makes me think about what ina said about how chanhee shows his love by keeping you in his thoughts and YEAH chanhee’s love language in this piece is thinking about you and staring LOL

i hate this next part, not cause i don’t like it or anything it just makes me sad 

but this line: “Like if someone shoved you from behind right now, you wouldn’t push back; you’d let yourself fall straight to the ground.” i actually love that line

also this next entire bit i see SO clearly in mind, i hope i wrote it well enough so that you all saw it clearly too

when chanhee wipes the dirt.... girl i’m wiping my tears 

this line : “We’ll lean on each other.” mini love declaration sighhhhhh

yeah that whole part i love so much 

the seat of wisdom :(((( no!!!!!

so about this line: “He stares at his palms, at all the lies buried under each nail and at all the secrets shoved in every crack. He watches as they all blow up in front of his face.” >> i had like ten different versions of it before i settled on this one lol

okay so the first part of the last past flashback with crown realizing their true feelings... so soft 

news gone, rashis’s dead, :((( it makes me so sad

gosh okay this paragraph..... “I’ve always wondered why the gods blessed me and you the way that they have. They entrusted you with such great power. The only person to be both a healing and shadow mage in centuries. And then,” a tear falls from her eye, “they entrusted you to me.” Chanhee thinks this might be the first time he’s seen Rashi cry. “But now I have reason to believe that this was no accident. I’m beginning to think that the gods have always known it would come to this. And I’m starting,” she falters there, “I’m starting to spite them for it.”  it hurts so bad im sorry 

the first confrontation with harlan took me so long to write, and i’m still not sure if i actually like it, so again i will refrain from commenting lol

but the part where crown screams : “YOU LOST THE MIRROR OF JUSTICE!”  I think i told kyu this but this line makes me laugh because in my head its said the same way bella says: “you nicknamed my daughter after the lochness monster” whenever i see that line i smile lol

honestly this argument scene..... one of my absolute faves,,, everything lina said about it in that reblog just yes!yes!yes!! i can’t even comment about a particular part because all of it i love so much. its another part that leaves me slightly speechless.

but my favorite part of it might be how it ends hehe

these next couple parts were a bit diffucult to write because obviously the air between crown and chanhee is not very light right now so it was just hard to navigate their dynamic at these moments until they apologize but hopefully it turned out alright

i really like this line: “But this moment—with the scent of Harlan’s wine under his nose and the chill of Harlan’s blade against his neck—this moment feels nothing like those. It feels empty.” 

“ Chanhee just stares at you.“ -- staring as a love language exhibit b 

this whole part... chills bro 

“Chanhee exhales because for the first time since this afternoon he looks at your face and sees you.” -- exhibit c ....

okay wait another one of my favorite parts here: the spilled glass metaphor!! again please reference lina’s rb on this because everything said there... could not have said better myself. inspired by this writing advice by ocean vuong and yeah i just think the metaphor speaks for itself, one of my favorite lines (well paragraph) from the entire piece, actually from ALL of my works 

it was so hard to think up all of yumi’s different names, i was struggling

them talking about how farah will be happy to see chanhee...... how do i break it to you crown.....she’s dead...... awkward

red streak q! yesss. also i’m so sorry for killing off farah 

also kyunyu bestiessss

tbh this whole paragraph: “I get this overwhelming burst of honesty. As if what you both speak of is more than just a simple truth, as if it’s a commandant you blindly follow. What’s even odder is that I only feel that burst when you speak of each other.” Q stops walking and turns so that he faces Chanhee directly. “You speak of Crown constantly. And last night, when I met Crown, your title never left from the tip of their tongue. Humans are so simple really. We mention what we love.” Q pauses for a moment, bringing a hand under his chin. “Do you love Crown?” --i wrote it for myself no regrets

oh wait this bit too : “Quietly, Chanhee says, “I know.” / “Have you been watching?” / “I’ve been waiting.” / “For what?” / He meets your eyes. “For you.”” -- sometimes i do things that live rent free in my own mind

okay im so sorry for just quoting myself but this too : “ He sits back slightly. Shocked. Not by his love for you, but rather by how easily love walked into his heart and settled between his lungs “

lol the part where they try fooling q... why are crown and chanhee like this

the running !!!

yeah also every part after that... tears okay

yumi’s magic !!! its so cool to me, i love it so much 

i surprisingly don’t have much to say about the end... i mean i like it, but i just don’t have any comments. the last line tho... good one shawna

okay im done for you sake i hope no one read this lmao 

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 05

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, light angst, mentions of smut

; Word Count: 4k

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: The second half of the date! :D this is literally how I talk how in real life btw, people who know me have learnt to just put up with my random topics and I thought it would be fun to put them in too. Hoseok is a sweetheart, I love him :3 Please let me know what you think and reblog if you liked! <3

; Flower Masterpost

Hoseok had been right that this place smelled delicious and your stomach had begun rumbling even before you’d been seated. It wasn’t hugely busy, which was surprising given it was a Friday night but it meant that you’d been given a window seat, letting you look out at the other bright store fronts and the people out doing their late night shopping.

The two of you had been served quickly, the waiter taking down your order of a chicken jalfrezi with pilau rice and Hoseok’s chicken keema balti while the two of you shared a large peshwari naan. He’d ordered a beer as well while you’d settled for a Diet Coke, looking down shyly as you’d ordered it and wondering if it wasn’t sophisticated enough for a date.

But Hoseok hadn’t said anything, just given a soft smile as he’d waited until the waiter had moved on. Neither of you had really said anything of interest since entering, mainly just focusing on the menu and deciding what you wanted. Which was stupid, because you got the same thing every time and it seemed like Hoseok had a preset idea of what he wanted as well.

And now...you were both sat waiting expectantly for your food. This meant that you had finally entered the most dreaded part of the date for you. The bit where you meant to talk to him like a normal person and not someone who found the very idea of small talk daunting and overwhelming.

Which was why you were currently fidgeting with your napkin, eyes lowered down to the white fabric and fingers brushing over it before moving back. You were nervous now, any sense of camaraderie and easiness with him gone as your mind frantically worked for a topic that you could engage him with.

Metal music wasn’t an option; you didn’t listen to it and so had absolutely zero idea of what to say in regards to that. You also didn’t really understand photography, so you couldn’t really talk about that. Though, then again, it might get him to talk. It was always easier if the other person was interested as you could just rebound of them.

“You don’t have many pictures of makeup like that on your Facebook. Is that like...some hidden talent?” Hoseok asks suddenly, taking a deep drink of his beer before tilting his head to look at you expectantly. Your mind blanked for a moment, eyes wide as you blinked at him before your mouth opened.

“You’ve looked at my Facebook?” The words are stupid and you mentally cringe, wishing you could just slap yourself on the fact without looking an even bigger idiot. But Hoseok just smiles and laughs, his face once more extraordinarily beautiful and you feel a tiny kernel of resentment at the fact he can look that good without needing to spend half an hour staring into a mirror with hundreds of dollars of expensive makeup sat around him.

“Of course I have. Isn’t that like...rule number one when you friend someone on Facebook? You go through all their pictures and stuff...don’t tell you haven’t done the same to me.” He wags a finger at you then teasingly, lips turned into a pretty smile.

Which only turns into a deep and husky laugh when your eyes dart away from him in embarrassment, fully aware that you had in fact looked at all of his photos and posts. In fact, you’d probably done worse than him given that you’d drooled over him with Soyeon and Chungha.

“It’s okay. I fully admit to it so don’t get too worried or upset over it. But still...you don’t seem to wear makeup in a lot in them?” He looks quizzically at you and you wonder for a moment if he actually cares or if he’s just finding a subject to talk about.

You decide to indulge him anyway, thankful for the topic even if it’s not the most interesting thing you can think of to talk about.

“I mostly post makeup things on my Instagram. You probably noticed but...I don’t really use Facebook. Mostly to just watch videos that pop up. You know those ones where it’s like…’oh your friend liked this’ or it’s just from a random site that for some reason turns up? And then you start watching it and you start out watching a sweet story of a guy adopting a disabled cat and loving her but then half an hour later you realise you’re laid in bed watching a video of how to make a toilet seat out of coloured pencils and wonder what you’re doing with your life?” 

Hoseok stares at you for a quick second and you momentarily panic, realising you’d blindly started talking about something entirely unrelated before he bursts into laughter, one hand coming up to cover his mouth as pure amusement dances in his eyes. 

“Oh god, I’m so glad I’m not the only one! I ended up watching a video the other day of...oh god, what was it? They were like...making stuff for dolls? And it was very interesting to watch her make all these super tiny accessories but in the back of my mind all I could think was…’who has the time for this?!’” You can’t help but laugh at that, gesturing wildly as you nod.

“Yes! I’ve seen that one! Or those ones where they’re life hacks and I’ll be sat there like ‘this is literally the worst thing I’ve ever seen’. There was one about Christmas hacks and like...what is the point? I think one of them was like, oh make this as a gift for your friend! And it was like...they literally made a sponge into a teddy. It just looked like a sponge...as a teddy. I mean...I love my best friends but if that’s all they got me…” 

“Well...it’s the thought that counts, isn't it?” Hoseok teases, white teeth biting his lower lip and avoiding his lip ring.

“Not when all they’ve got me a fucking sponge. There’s being thoughtful with your gifts and then there’s...that.” 

“I’m laughing but I agree. In fact, back on the subject of makeup, there was one I saw the other day where a hack to give yourself fuller lips was apparently...to glue your upper lip to the skin above your lip? And it genuinely just looked like they’d just glued their lips.” You snort at that, fingers rubbing at your own lips as you cringe at the thought of doing that. 

“Well, I definitely don’t do that. Although I did try using this lip plumping thing once because I’d seen people on YouTube use it. And like...it worked but everyone said it hurt and I just thought they were exaggerating. They weren’t, it felt like a thousand bees had kissed me with their ass stings and it wasn’t even worth the end result. Honestly.” Hoseok looks like he’s trying desperately not to laugh and you eyeball him warily.

He doesn’t say anything for a moment and you watch closely as his lips pursed, evidently trying to control his reaction as best he can before he finally speaks, fingers tracing his cutlery as he looks down with a smirk. 

“Got any...uh...got any pictures of that? Bet it’s interesting.” You throw your napkin at him at him, causing him to laugh even harder as his hands come up to protect his face. He takes the now open napkin and carefully folds it before handing it back to you carefully.

You’re both interrupted from any further conversation by the arrival of your food and your mouth waters as the small metal bowl of chicken jalfrezi is served to you on top of a plate while a second bowl of rice is placed down. The giant naan is placed between you both and you hum in delight, hands clapping together excitedly as you wriggle in your chair, completely oblivious to the amused face Hoseok wears.

“Mmmm! I love jalfrezi.” Reaching out, you begin to sort out your plate before reaching out and grabbing a piece of naan, tearing it off and popping it into your mouth with a long and low hum of satisfaction. Hoseok eyes you for a moment before taking a bite, nodding in his own satisfaction.

Neither of you speak for a few moments more as you both focus on eating, perfectly content with stuffing your mouth full of wonderfully spiced foods before adding the soothing naan to calm your mouth. Looking up at Hoseok finally, you note the way he’s eyes are focused down as he uses some of the naan to wipe at some sauce on the edge of his plate, chewing on it happily.

From this angle, you can see down the slope of the elegant nose while his dark hair falls forward into his eyes. He’s honestly beautiful and the nerves that had slipped away at your easy conversation come back.

But if there’s one thing about you, it’s that you’re brutally honest and your mouth begins working before you even mean for it to. And what you say would have Soyeon and Chungha cursing to the heavens, you just know it.

“I’m sorry if I’m a little awkward to talk to. I don’t really know how to talk to people. I should probably stop talking now. This isn’t how a date is meant to go,” You cringe, body going warm as Hoseok slows his eating down before shaking his head.

“Well...it was going good until that,” He’s smiling as he says it though, blunting what could have been a harsh and direct comment. “It’s okay. Like I said at the start of it all, I’ve kinda guessed that about you. And there’s no one way for a date to go. I once had a date where a girl literally threw up on me. I still went on a second date with her, so you’re doing great.”

Your eyes widen while your face cringes slightly, sympathy for him rushing through you. “Oh god, I’m so sorry. That would be the worst for me. I have sympathy sickness thing so I’d have thrown up on her. What did you do that made her throw up?”

He huffs out a laugh, shaking his head and running his hand through his hair as he looks out the window, obviously recollecting.

“Why do you assume I did something? I did nothing. We went out to a bar, we got a lil’ drunk. Let’s just say...her gag reflex seemed to have been shortened by alcohol. And that’s all I’m saying on that.” His cheeks are a soft pink in the lighting of the restaurant and you frown, brows coming together as you try to work out what he’s saying.

And then it clicks and you gasp, eyes going wide.

“Holy fuck. She threw up on your dick?” You whisper harshly and Hoseok immediately makes a shushing motion, his cheeks no longer a rose gold but instead a fire engine red that is at complete odds with his badass look. He does not look like the kind of man to be embarrassed about having that story told and yet here he is, almost writhing in shame.

“Shh, please. God. It wasn’t her fault. I mean...well it doesn’t matter. Either way, I still took her out for a second date. So you are doing absolutely amazing, I swear.” His hands are held up in appeasement now and a small part of you takes in how pretty his hands are, the fingers long and elegant while a few silver rings wrap themselves around some of the digits.

Which provides a very strange state of being given you’ve just imagined his dick covered in vomit and now you’re imagining those fingers between your legs. Sexual attraction is a strange beast indeed.

“Well...I’m not gonna suck your dick tonight so you don’t have to worry about vomiting.” The words come out blunt and Hoseok’s eyes widen almost comically, his jaw dropping while his brows lift. And your hand slaps onto your mouth as you realise what you’d just said out loud, quickly looking around and slumping in relief when you realise that there’s no one really within earshot of you.

“...good to know. I er...wasn’t expecting it, just so you know. A blowjob...not the throwing up part. Actually I wasn’t expecting either of them. Though I don’t know why I would - you know what? I’m just gonna shut up and eat.” And with that, he stuffs his mouth full of chicken as he stares firmly at the table.

You can’t help the small laugh of amusement that leaves you, your fork moving around some of your rice slowly as you recognise the sense of awkwardness that lays itself heavily on the tablet. It’s something that you’re often familiar with, even if you hate it, but you get the sense that it’s not something Mr Friendly over there is used to.

So you do what you always do when you’re feeling uncomfortable or awkward. Which is to just blurt out the first fact that comes to mind.

“Did you know blowing up the moon is a really bad idea?” 

The silence now is no longer awkward, which you feel proud over, but that doesn’t stop the look of pure confusion from Hoseok as he looks back up at you. A spoonful of curry and rice is halfway to his mouth and you can see the inner fight inside before he shrugs.

“Well...yeah. I mean...it’d fuck the tides up.” Immediately you’re shaking your head and you soon launch into an in depth discussion about why destroying the moon is a bad idea. And even though it’s probably the most random topic Hoseok has probably discussed all day...he goes along with it and finds himself laughing once more. Even arguing with you a little on certain facts before giving in and bowing to your evidently better knowledge on the subject.

But the weirdness thankfully disappears quickly as the topics soon blend into one another. And thankfully, you both managed to get in some personal discussions about yourselves. You’d told him about how you’d actually always wanted to work with horses but that your family didn’t make enough money to get you to a stables or anything when you were younger.

Which meant that you’d eventually just done a degree in English literature, embracing your passion and love for reading books if you couldn't do anything with horses. Plus, you weren’t smart enough to do anything like equine sciences and you were too soft to be a veterinarian. You couldn’t handle having to put animals down.

And the reward for your four years of hard work and passion? A job as an administration assistant at an electrical company. Obviously a hugely glamorous job that you had evidently been aspiring to when you were a child.

Not that you had anything against people who also did this job, but it wasn’t particularly interesting and you didn’t really see a future career for yourself. Was this how everyone your age felt or something? You didn’t really have any hugely transferable skills and so had been stuck at this level for a while.

Hoseok on the other hand, had apparently gone to college without the intention of actually really doing anything. In fact, he’d happened to just enroll in a computer science class just because he thought he’d be able to play games throughout the whole class without complaining too much. And then he’d discovered that he actually really enjoyed it and was good at it.

Which had led him to his job, which equally didn’t sound hugely interesting but was apparently much better paid than yours. You’d pouted at that for a few minutes, wondering if it was possible to go back in time and tell yourself to do something better with your life.

But still, the conversation had finally begun to gain some semblance of a flow and you found yourself enjoying your time with him. He made you laugh and made you feel comfortable, went along with your random moments of weirdness - such as the tangent about how on earth do you milk an almond when you told him that you preferred to drink almond milk to normal - and seemed to be enjoying himself.

Or at least...you’d hoped he had. 

He’d been polite with the bill as well, not immediately assuming that you’d be okay with him paying and instead asking if you’d be okay with that or if you wanted to pay half. You’d shyly let him, not telling him that no one had ever paid for your date before and you hadn’t really known what to do with yourself after that.

And now you were walking outside, slowly heading to where you parked your car because he’d insisted that he wasn’t going to let you walk alone. Part of you wanted to rebel against that, be all ‘down with the patriarchy’ and shit but then you’d looked at the dark street and simply agreed. Because you hated walking on your own in the dark.

Someone who was as nervous and anxious as you didn’t particularly do well with that, and quite often your imagination would run wild if someone was walking behind you.

So despite the fact that the conversation had petered out once more, you felt oddly comfortable around him. In that way that you rarely felt with most people. Normally, you felt an incessant need to fill the dead air if you were with someone with an irrational fear that if they weren’t talking then it meant that they didn’t like you. 

It was stupid obviously, but that was because it was an irrational fear. It wasn’t meant to make sense! 

But with Hoseok, despite how overwhelmingly intimidating you found him in terms of his looks, had an incredibly friendly personality that seemed to encourage you to be more open and comfortable with him. He laughed with you, not at you. Not unless you were specifically inviting him to that is.

He had carefully planned out your first date to make sure that it would accommodate your evident shyness, finding a way to encourage you to talk to him without having to scramble for conversation. And he’d certainly rolled with the punches when you’d pulled out your strange facts.

You almost got the sense that he enjoyed them, stretching his brain in bizarre ways as he tried to keep up with how your mind seemed to move a hundred miles a minute. It was something you appreciated; how hard he’d tried to keep the conversation light and easy without leaving too much on you to try and fumble your way through it.

Looking up at him, you take in the sight of his astoundingly beautiful side profile in the passing street lights and bite your lip in silent awe. As if this man, this prime example of nature coming together in the most beautiful way possible, had found you interesting enough to not only take you on a date...but stay with you the whole night.

And even walk you to your car! He wasn’t desperately ready to be rid of you, but was actively spending more time with you.

You were so deep in your thoughts that you didn’t even realise when you’d arrived the place you’d parked your car, Hoseok pausing and looking at you with expectant brows. For a second you simply stared back blankly, wondering what he’s doing before you realise and make an ‘oh’ expression.

“Oh, sorry. Miles away. Erm...thank you. For walking me. And err...everything tonight. It was...nice.” Oh yeah, definitely pulling him in with that one.

But he just smiles. “Just nice? It was my talk of dick vomit that dropped it down a notch, wasn't it? 10/10 conversation topic there Hoseok.”

And that’s why you like him even more, not just because he’s handsome but also because he has a personality that appeals to you. Not too afraid to be self-deprecating while also saving you from any awkwardness. Like he almost knew you wouldn’t be too comfortable with this and was finding a way to make things easier on you.

It made you feel a bit guilty that he was having to do that, but you simply let out a quiet sigh and straightened your shoulders.

“Hey...that might be one of my kinks,” You tease, watching as his faces falls into what can only be politely called a grimace and you giggle. “I’m kidding. But still...thank you. For not...just ghosting or standing me up. Or leaving halfway through. Had that happen once. Mortifying but I got a free meal ‘cos the waiter felt sorry for me.”

And now he looks horrified.

“Wow, that’s an ass move. My mom would be beat my ass raw if I ever thought of even doing that. Well...the good news is that at no point tonight did I want to leave. I very much enjoyed tonight. And you. And...I kinda hope you’ll want to do it again...if you want to.” Your body does something very strange at that; your stomach tightens and flips while nervous excitement streaks through you, happiness and a need to be sick fighting together.

“Oh god, I’m trying really hard to not be the second girl to vomit on you right now. I’m sorry.” You may not physically vomit but you certainly word vomit, cringing while he lets out a soft laugh. And then his hands are gently tilting your chin up, letting you lock with him before he gives you a brilliant and bright smile.

“Please don’t. A man only needs one ‘girl vomiting on him’ story in his life. I’m going to let you get in your car now before you have a heart attack or something, because you look like you are and I am most definitely not a doctor. And my track record of first dates will evidently look even better if you end up in hospital. So...I will text. Not call, because I don’t think you’ll like that. Is that okay?” 

He’s looking at you so sincerely, his fingers so warm and soft on your skin and you forget to even breath for a moment as you look up at him through wide eyes. He looks so pretty in the crappy lighting surrounding you, and yet this is probably better than any fantasy you could’ve imagined. But you can’t find the words to respond to him, stunned into silence by his physical touch and so you simply nod.

“Great. Drive carefully. Let me know that you got home safe, okay?” Hoseok gives you a gentle smile before leaning forward.

And then he’s pressing the tiniest, butterfly touch soft kiss to your cheek. The cold of his lip ring startles you out of your reverie, causing you to jolt ever so slightly and the movement causes you to pull away from his lips. But you don’t say anything, physically incapable as your eyes are as wide as dinner plates and you get the sense that Hoseok is seriously trying not to laugh so as not to embarass you.

You don’t even realise you’ve gotten into your car, buckle your seat belt and set off until you suddenly realise that you’re sat at a red light five minutes. The ghost of his kiss on your cheek is still there, throbbing gently and you touch your cheek in awe.

And then you squeal loudly like a little girl, fists clenching as you wriggle your body in sheer, unadulterated joy and excitement.

[agheaven]

Miss Winston’s Reply: A Play

Illustrations by Susan McAliley

Found in the July/August 1996 issue of American Girl Magazine

(These pictures were originally submitted by @captainandhercorgi, but then it turned out in the time between the original submission & me finally posting it, @in-pleasant-company posted some clean scans! To save myself from having to type out all the tags again in a reblog, I opted to re-save in-pleasant-company’s scans and add them to this photoset)

Since it seems like the American Girl magazine plays featuring the historical characters were never republished anywhere, I typed out a transcript of this play! You can read the whole thing below!

Miss Winston’s Reply: A Play

~1854~

Written by Janet Saw

Illustrated by Susan McAliley

Scene: Outside the Larson’s log cabin in Minnesota in September 1855

(Mama and Miss Winston are seated close together on a bench, rolling yarn into balls. Kirsten, Lisbeth, and Anna sit on the ground in front of the bench. They’re playing quietly with their dolls. Kristen’s doll is lying down. The girls walk the other dolls around her.)

Mama: (to Miss Winston) Mr. Boardman will be here any moment. Aren’t you excited?

Miss Winston: (glancing nervously over her shoulder) Oh, dear!

Mama: He’s been to see you so often lately.

Miss Winston: I know!

Mama: Today he might ask you to marry him.

Miss Winston: Oh, I hope not. Not today!

Mama: Why not today?

Miss Winston: Because – well, because I don’t know how I’d answer him.

(Kirsten overhears Miss Winston. She shushes Lisbeth and Anna, and the girls stop their play to listen eagerly to the women.)

Mama: But he’s a fine man. He’d be a good husband. You do care for him, don’t you?

Miss Winston: Yes, I do care for him. I care for him very much.

Mama: Then why don’t you want to marry him?

Miss Winston: I do want to marry him, but I don’t want to move away. I feel at home here now. And I’m afraid he wants to settle out in California.

Mama: Settle in California? That’s a surprise! Has he said he plans to move there?

Miss Winston: No, not exactly, but his brother’s panning for gold in California. I suspect he plans to join his brother.

Kirsten: (unable to contain herself any longer) Miss Winston, why don’t you ask him what his plans are?

Anna: Yes! Ask him!

Mama: Hush, now, you girls! You’re too young to understand these things.

Miss Winston: Let me try to explain. You see, a lady doesn’t ask a gentleman about his plans. That wouldn’t be proper.

Lisbeth: But why, Miss Winston?

Miss Winston: Let me put it this way—a question about plans is too forward.

Anna: Forward? Is that like being bold?

Miss Winston: Yes, Anna, bold. It’s not proper to ask personal questions of a man.

Kirsten: Not ever, Miss Winston?

Miss Winston: Well, not until the couple decide to marry. I mean….oh, it’s all so hard to talk about!

Mama: You girls ask too many questions. Go back to your dolls. What game are you playing today?

Kristen: We’re playing that Sari is sick.

Mama: (playing along) Poor Sari!

(Miss Winston bends over and picks up Sari)

Miss Winston: (also playing along) She doesn’t look well.

Lisbeth: We think it’s her stomach.

Anna: She moans and cried.

Kirsten: But she won’t tell us what’s wrong with her.

Miss Winston: (shaking her finger sternly at the doll) Listen here, Miss. If you won’t tell what troubles you, how can anyone help?

(Miss Winston hands Sari back to Kirsten)

Mama: We’d better put away our work. Mr. Boardman will be here shortly.

Miss Winston: I’ve got butterflies in my stomach! I’m so nervous. I just don’t know what to do!

Mama: I think what you should do right now is put on your fresh blouse.

(Mama and Miss Winston pick up their yarn and EXIT.)

(The girls jump happily to their feet)

Kirsten: I’m so glad Miss Winston doesn’t want to leave Minnesota!

Lisbeth: I thought she’d want to move back to her family in Maine.

Anna: I think Mr. Boardman’s so handsome. I hope he asks her to marry him!

(Anna clasps her hands and goes down on one knee in from of Kirsten)

Anna: Please give me your hand in marriage!

Kirsten: (seriously) But if he does ask her to marry him, what will her answer be?

Anna: She’ll say yes!

Lisbeth: (frowning) She might say no. You heard her say she’s worried about moving to California.

Kirsten: But she hasn’t told Mr. Boardman what she’s worried about.

Lisbeth: So if Miss Winston refuses to marry him, he won’t know why.

Anna: (picking up Sari and climbing to her feet) If Sari doesn’t tell what’s troubling her, how can anyone help? It’s the same for Miss Winston, isn’t it?

Kirsten: Yes. She should say what she’s feeling.

Lisbeth: Isn’t there some way we can help her say what’s in her heart?

Anna: You heard what Mama said—“You’re too young to understand these things.” Grown-ups won’t listen to what we say.

Kirsten: Maybe they won’t listen to us, but I’ve got an idea!

(The girls bring their dolls and crouch behind the bush. Kirsten whispers and Anna and Lisbeth nod. In a few moments, Mr. Boardman enters from one side and Miss Winston enters from the other.)

Mr. Boardman: Good day, Miss Winston.

Miss Winston: (shyly) Good day, Mr. Boardman.

(Mr. Boardman and Miss Winston sit nervously on the bench. They don’t notice the girls, who are peeking over the bush.)

Mr. Boardman and Miss Winston: (at the same time) How are you?

(Mr. Boardman and Miss Winston laugh, embarrassed)

Mr. Boardman and Miss Winston: (at the same time) Fine, thank you.

(The girls giggle silently)

(Mr. Boardman takes an envelope form his jacket pocket and hands it to Miss Winston.)

Mr. Boardman: The storekeeper asked me to bring this letter to you.

Miss Winston: (taking the letter) Thank you. It’s from my father in Maine.

Mr. Boardman: I saw that it was. Your family must miss you terribly.

Miss Winston: And I miss them too.

Lisbeth: (whispering) Now’s the time to try your plan, Kirsten!

(Kirsten and Anna move closer to center stage, sit with their backs to the bush, and present the dolls are talking to each other.)

Kirsten: (In a high voice, as if her doll is speaking) I’m so glad you’ve come today!

Anna: (In a low voice, as if her doll is a man) I’m so glad you’ve invited me.

Mr. Boardman: Why, it’s Kirsten and her cousin. What do you suppose they’re doing?

Miss Winston: (Smiling) Oh, they’ve been playing with their dolls all day. They act out all sorts of stories with them. They have such strong imaginations.

Kirsten: (In a high voice) I’ve looked forward so much to seeing you.

Anna: (forgetting to lower her voice) Me, too!

Kirsten: (whispering to Anna) Remember, your doll is supposed to be Mr. Boardman! Don’t forget to keep your voice low, like a man’s.

Anna: (in a low voice) I mean—and I’ve looked forward to seeing you.

Kirsten: (In a high voice) Isn’t this a lovely day?

Anna: (In a low voice) It’s you who are lovely, my dear.

Mr. Boardman: (shaking his head) What will these girls think of next?

Miss Winston: (nervously) I think they’re pretending their dolls are courting. I’ve never heard them play this game before. We shouldn’t listen.

Mr. Boardman: But I like what I hear. The doll is saying what I’m thinking. You are lovely, Miss Winston.

Miss Winston: Oh, Mr. Boardman!

(The girls are delighted)

Lisbeth: (whispering) Keep going!

Kirsten: (in a high voice) Just look around. Isn’t the prairie beautiful today? The waving grass reminds me of the ocean waves back home.

Anna: (In a low voice) It would be wonderful to live by the sea. You must be homesick for it.

Kirsten: (In a high voice) I do miss it sometimes, but my life is here now.

Miss Winston: (softly) How strange. The doll is saying what I’m thinking too.

Mr. Boardman: What are you thinking, my dear?

Miss Winston: I’m thinking how I love the prairie. I can’t imagine living anywhere else now.

Mr. Boardman: But I’ve always thought you wanted to go back to Maine!

Miss Winston: I’ve never said that!

Mr. Boardman: No, you didn’t. And I never asked because I was afraid of what you might say.

(The girls are delighted)

Lisbeth: (whispering) Kirsten, it’s your turn again!

Kirsten: (in a high voice) Do you like it here in Minnesota?

Anna: (forgetting to lower her voice) Oh, yes.

Lisbeth: (pinching Anna’s arm) Your doll’s Mr. Boardman!

Anna: (in her own voice) Ouch!

Anna: (in a low voice again) I mean, ouch!

Miss Winston: (her gaze on Mr. Boardman) I’ve thought you planned to go to California.

Mr. Boardman: (startled) Go to California?

Miss Winston: Yes, to join your brother. I’ve thought you planned to live there.

Mr. Boardman: Not at all. I never said that.

Miss Winston: No, you didn’t. I suspected it, but I never asked because I didn’t think it was proper.

Mr. Boardman: (taking Miss Winston’s hand) My life is here, believe me.

Miss Winston: I do believe you!

(Kirsten and Anna scramble to join Lisbeth, and all three girls peek over the bush at the couple.)

Miss Winston: We didn’t say what was in our hearts, so we’ve both been worrying about the wrong things.

Mr. Boardman: It’s true! And there’s something else in my heart that I want to tell you. Come walk with me, please.

(Mr. Boardman offers Miss Winston his arm and they EXIT.)

(The girls jump to their feet in excitement.)

Lisbeth: Kirsten, your plan worked. Now he’ll ask her!

Anna: (in a low voice) Oh, please, please, Miss Winston, will you be my wife?

Kirsten: (in her own voice) I will! I will! I will!

(The girls hug one another in triumph and delight).

[jidai]

jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation

Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.

The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao. 

Happy New Years, everyone!

@25th​​, Nonnie, the Young Genius. bro, remind me how old you are 🧍‍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do. 

I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️

@biscuitwalk​, Dann, the AK Wiz. Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.

We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3

@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King. 🧍‍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3

And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--

@lockhvrts​​, Em the Soulsborne GOD. hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!

@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man. BENNNNNNNN.  I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart. 

While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was  so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe

Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️

@noxdivina​, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind. The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.

Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3

anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:

i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks  🧍‍♀️

(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)

@rokuseis​, Sei, the Dumber.

i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL

BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍‍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.

I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3

@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍‍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee. 

Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao

@zenien​​, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™. ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍‍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao. 

You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what-- 

Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.

[kerwritesthings]

Dance Your Way Into My Heart

Summary: It’s more than just that feeling of love, it’s the actions, and the talk of forever

Word Count: just a little over 2.6k

Warnings: more soft, squishy, lovely words with a side of wedding fluff

Author Notes: So, this is my 10th ‘full-length’ one shot in this verse which boggles my mind since it’s ONLY been about a month (a day or two off actually – I first posted late the night of Jan 18!) since I started writing around this fool heart. I think he, and this place, the people and the creativity, really came to me when I’ve needed it the most. Sooo, now that the emotional nonsense has been blithered out. Here’s a little something for that…

Funny enough that this all hit me the Wednesday/Thursday before any of Josiah’s wedding stuff hit. Another pretty photo reblog from @rainbowshawn​ that set me on a spiral of ohhh shit I can see him singing at a super casual wedding like this and then the next thing you know I’ve busted out 500ish words on my Notes app on my phone while at a bar waiting for my friend before seeing Moulin Rouge on Broadway that night, total aside THE SHOW IS AMAZING – listen to the OBC album cause it’s bomb, however I digress. 

As always, these can be read as stand-alone one shots, but they all fall under the umbrella of this verse of mine. Reading the previous would provide some context. Masterlist can be found here!

As soon as she asks, Shawn immediately said yes. He's such a sucker for love and weddings and basically anything to make you happy. So, when your best friend asks you if you’d think he would be willing to sing at her wedding, you mention she would need to talk to him and ask. So, she flies up for a weekend under the onus of coming to hang out with you. However, she takes him to lunch one afternoon just the two of them, his favorite place downtown, nervous and anxious. However, you understood it was a shoe in. It was sweet though she wants to go the extra mile with him.

“You knew?” he asks, flopping down on the couch next to you, head immediately falling in your lap as soon as he gets back home. 

“Mmhmm,” you mutter, hands automatically winding through his hair. “Told her she needed to talk to you though. Maid of honor duties only go so far you know. What did you say?”

“Yes, duh. Of course, yes,” he replies, eyes fluttering shut as he relaxes into your touch. “Didi is your best friend, she’s the closest thing you have to a sister. Of course, I’m going to sing for her for her wedding. Plus, it’s going to be so super chill and laid back. I told her to give me a few things she and Tomas like and I’ll work around with that. I also told her I want first dance duty. No wedding band or DJ should have your bestie’s special moment.”

“You’re something else and I love you. Thank you, sweetheart. It means a lot to her. And even more to me,” you whisper, leaning down to dust a kiss to his forehead, another to his nose before reaching his lips.

Didi can’t stop raving, gushing and thanking you and him. The key smash texts are adorable and you both appreciate the lovely case of rosé champagne she sends over. Tomas, separately, takes him for a boys night at Maple Leafs game next time he’s in town as a personal show of thanks for helping his future wife. Shawn takes his role seriously, copious notes and hours locked away in his studio practicing or grumbling some days. It’s heartwarming to see how much care he took in this. “At some point, she’s practically going to be my sister-in-law, so yeah,” he blushes, after explaining the latest iteration of songs he’s going through. “Plus, it’s her wedding day. Needs to be epic and as perfect as possible. I’m going to make sure it’s that.”

He says it so nonchalant, so matter of fact, and without hesitation: At some point, she’s practically going to be my sister-in-law. It hits you square in the gut. You both know how deep your feelings run for each other, and you’ve had a few abstract talks, a few serious ones too, along with a more pointed talk specifically about the future. But you’ve never heard him speak of it with such assured conviction. Like it’s happening soon. You just look at him, jaw slightly dropped and eyes wide. 

“You’re gonna catch flies like that my dear,” he smirks, tapping his pointer finger up under your chin to close your mouth. Before you can reply, he leans in to kiss you sweetly, slowly and thoroughly. 

“You know you’re my forever,” he sighs against your lips, just a hair away from yours. He presses a soft, quick peck to both corners of your mouth before one squarely against you. “I’ve thought about it a lot more lately. Since Santa Barbara and our breakfast by the pool, really. Of us doing this ourselves and what our wedding would be. I know the new album and the tour, and all that shit is a thing happening, but I also know you mean everything so…”

You don’t know what to say, tears forming at the corners of your eyes. You just look at him, hand coming up to cup his cheek. 

“This is not going there now, because this would be a lame as fuck as a story to tell on how I proposed to you, but just know. I’m thinking about it. Really and truly,” he reveals through a bright smile. “I love you, so, so much baby.”

You can’t help but shift your arms around him, face nuzzling into the side of his neck. This boy of yours. He’s something extraordinary. 

At the rehearsal dinner, you spy him and Didi in deep conversation before you’re all due to sit down for dessert. 

“He won’t tell me what they decided on, Didi either,” you explain to Didi’s sister Renee, as you head towards your table. “They’re being sneaky little shits, but you know Dee.”

Renee laughs, “Are you really surprised? After you’ve been friends for this long? It’s sweet of your man to be willing to do all this for them. I’ve already warned all cousins and the brothers’ idiot dates they are not to fawn over him, that he’s beyond happily taken by the maid of honor, and that if I see cell phones obnoxiously in the way at any point this weekend, I’m breaking them in some way.”

You hear his laugh before you feel his arm wrap about your waist. “This is why Renee is the best. She won’t take anyone’s shit. Even from her own family. Thanks girl. Appreciate you having my back,” he smiles, fist bumping Renee. “I owe you one.”

“Holding you to that, Mendes,” she grins widely. “Just make sure this one doesn’t lose her shit this weekend taking care of my sister. But I will gladly use that marker, especially next time your hot friends are around. Speaking of, I should go check on my parents, make sure my brothers haven’t done anything stupid.”

“Is Didi driving you batty?” he asks, guiding you into your chair. “She seems okay tonight.”

“Crowd around, her parents, Tomas’ family, she’s holding her own but there was some stupid family shit earlier,” you exhale, grabbing a hold of his hand to lace through yours, before tipping your head against his shoulder. “It’s nothing that I didn’t expect to deal with this weekend. She’s nervous, worried, second and fifth guessing things. I get it, this is a lot. She just wants to be married already.”

Shawn dusts a kiss to your temple, “You’re such a good friend. You’re lucky to have each other. Tomorrow’s going to be great. Worse case, steal my flask and get her a little saucy before she walks down the aisle.”

You elbow him with a giggle, “You would suggest that, but you may be onto something. Thank you though.”

The next morning is a whirlwind of champagne, bobby pins and lip gloss with a soundtrack full of laughter and a lot of fighting back tears. You also may have sung along to your boyfriend’s last album, dancing around like you would do in her room when you were kids to your favorite songs. Didi’s suite is a buzz with her sister holding down the fort, cousins popping in and out, along with her mother and her future mother-in-law. At one point, after the glam team is gone, you finally have a moment alone with your best friend while her mom and sister go to grab her dress.

“I am so happy you’re deliriously happy,” you whisper, hugging Didi tightly before more folks come in. “You two are good together and I’m glad you found him.”

Didi sniffs, “Thank you, I know I’ve been insane, and you’ve been a saint. Your boyfriend too. Shawn has put up with me changing my mind on stuff like 17 times and he’s just rolled with it. You’re a lucky one too. He’s so fucking over the moon for you girly. Soon roles will be reversed, and you’ll be able to pay me back with your own crazy.”

You both scurry about to get into your dresses. With the wedding taking place at the botanical gardens, Didi decided she didn’t want fussy for anything around the ceremony. Her dress is a stunning V-neck sheath of flowy creamy, buttery chiffon, tiny flowers woven through her hair in place of a veil. Tomas’ grandmother’s necklace, a vintage diamond and pearl strand, lays just at her collarbones. You try not to cry but think back of the two little five-year-old girls who would play wedding in your grandparents’ back yard. “Oh Dee,” you sniff. “Tomas isn’t going to know what hit him.”

She smiles, her eyes just as wet, and reaches for your hands. “I couldn’t be up there without you, bestie.” You hear the flicker of a camera, knowing the photographer is back catching your moment and you’re grateful. “Your boy either. I know you hemmed and hawed about black for a wedding, but this dress is great.”

You’re the only one standing up with her, she didn’t want anyone up there with her other than you. Renee understood and was happy she didn’t have to wrangle a groomsman. She picked a black maxi, swirled with larger flowers in shades of pink and white. Your hair was up, a flower like the ones in your dress tucked in the mass of curls her stylist pinned about. Your bouquet is in a similar palate, while Didi’s has some purple, her favorite color, woven through. 

“Let’s go get you married,” you say handing off her bouquet and tucking her arm under yours. 

“Hey pretty girl, funny seeing you here,” he quips, his lips dusting against your bare shoulder, before tracing a finger across your back. You’re all outside the courtyard waiting to enter for the start of the ceremony. You turn to face him. He’s a vision, because of course he is when isn’t he, in black floral-patterned button down, similar to your dress, along with dark pants. What’s more interesting is that his beloved acoustic strung across his chest.

“I may have told Didi I would play all her walk-in music too,” he nods bashfully. “I wasn’t going to let them use Apple Music or Spotify or even worse some awful wedding singer.”

“You are something else, Shawn,” you reply, squeezing his hand tightly. “Really want to kiss you but I can’t mess up the gloss.”

He places a whisper of a kiss on your forehead, “Love you. I need to go get into place. Atmosphere music. Think I may sneak in one of my own in there before the processional stuff.”

You laugh, pushing him towards the archway of greenery, “Go be wonderful.”

He’s set up at the back of the courtyard, seats all set in front of him. He’s weaving melodies, no singing, just soft rhythms from his guitar. The space is perfect, green and lush and smelling lovely, a swath of flowers at the end of the path where Tomas waits. You make your way down and turn to watch for your best friend. However, before she arrives you take a moment to appreciate Shawn. He catches your eye, smiles and winks, mouthing love you before he sees the wedding coordinator waiving over at him. 

He starts in on “Marry Me” when Didi arrives at the back of the aisle with her Dad. Your breath catches in your throat, the combination of seeing your best friend and hearing your boyfriend hits you hard. She starts making her way down when he begins on the chorus. You see Tomas out of the corner of your eye, and he’s got a hand over his mouth, eyes brimming over with tears. The ceremony is the perfect balance of exactly what Didi and Tomas are. Their vows are intrinsically them. They look every way that a couple getting married should. Glowing, in love and only eyes for each other. It’s hard not to let a tear or two out. 

The reception is in the atrium of the gardens, under a massive domed stained-glass skylight, still lush with flowers and greens. Everything has been exactly as Didi has hoped. Meanwhile, your boyfriend is mysteriously missing. You’re sipping champagne with Renee and her boyfriend of the moment, while looking about for him. 

“Last I saw him he was setting his guitar up before the rest of the musicians came in, don’t worry,” Renee starts, clinking glasses with you. “He’ll be back.”

He makes his way back into the atrium, and surprisingly he’s changed, a little dressier now in deliciously fitting black suit pants and a white button down, the glint of his silver chain obvious even from where you are. You excuse yourself from the group and steal Shawn away before he needs to soundcheck for their dance. You just want to have a moment with him before everything gets crazy, heading out to the patio just off the atrium, which is blissfully quiet. You wrap your arms around his waist and just hold him. 

“You okay baby?” he asks, as he starts to sway with you, shifting your arms around his neck so he can pull you closer. 

You nod, smiling, “I just needed you for a minute without all that is all.”

“You can have all the minutes you ever want or need,” he says, kissing you lightly. 

“Sorry to break this up, please believe me I am, but my sister has decided she wants to get a move on,” Renee calls from the doorway. 

“Duty calls for both of us,” you murmur, leaning up to kiss him once more. “Save me a dance or two?”

“All the slow ones at least,” he agrees, rubbing his nose against yours. “I’ll see you out there.”

Didi didn’t want a whole production with entrances, she wanted a few bars of song then for her and Tomas to start dancing straightaway. So, poised at the edge of what they have set up as the dance floor, with a good angle to see them once they walk in, as well as your boyfriend, you wait. Shawn starts playing, something floaty that that doesn’t sound familiar to you. The pair make their way in and as soon as they hit the center of the floor, he begins. 

“Not talkin' 'bout a year, no not three or four. I don't want that kind of forever in my life anymore,” he sings gently. “Forever always seems to be around when it begins, but forever never seems to be around when it ends. So, give me your forever, please your forever. Not a day less will do, from you.”

The song is beautiful, he sounds amazing, Didi and Tomas as just love personified as they dance. He fades out slowly at the end, a light strum to close out. 

“Thank you for letting me be such a special part of your day. That was Ben Harper’s Forever. Didi, Tomas, congratulations and love to you both,” he expresses, blowing a kiss to the two of them with his hands, you can see his emotions clear across his face. He heads back, as the band starts up, packing away his guitar before making his way over to you, now at your table.

“Wow,” you sigh, hand coming to the nape of his neck to sink into his curls. “That was something else, my dear. Didi fucking owes you.”

He blushes, ducking his head bashfully. “I’m just happy I could give them that moment. First dances are something really special. They deserved to have the best moment possible. Plus, that’s an awesome first dance song, not the usual. Makes it even better.”

“My hopeless romantic,” you muse, tracing haphazard patterns over the top of his hand that rests on your knee. 

“Just you wait,” he smiles, kissing you. “Now, I’m on good authority the next song is a slow one, so may I have this dance?”

He stands, holding his hand out for you. 

“You can have every single one, all of them from now on.”

TAG LIST: @whenidance​, @parkerdavis​, @sinplisticshawn​, @hollandraul​, @fallinallincurls​, @itrocksmysocks​, @rainbowshawn​, @lasingphomustra​, @illumecherry​

*Always feel free to ask to be added to the tag list! 

[fieryanmitsu]

Intertwined Roots | ch. 8 - “laughter” | A3! AU

Ahhhhh!! It’s been almost a month since I last updated “Intertwined Roots” and I’m so glad to be back!! I still have to finish up my Rare Pair Week entries, but I really wanted to come back to my babies, so decided to squeeze in an update here first!

We’ve finally reached the chapter where all four kiddos meet!! This was a moment I was greatly anticipating, so I hope you’ll enjoy this chapter!

Tag list: @azamitmg​

“Intertwined Roots” is an A3! alternate universe series where Izumi, Itaru, Tsumugi and Tasuku grow up as childhood friends.

For the summary, background and notes about the “Intertwined Roots” universe, along with more chapters, please refer to the “Intertwined Roots” Masterpost.

Masterpost for my other fanfiction: here

AO3: Link in my Blog Menu!

INTERTWINED ROOTS – ch. 8

“laughter” | spring | Tsumugi (age 5), Tasuku (age 5), Itaru (age 5) & Izumi (age 4)

Itaru’s stomach was in knots. He had never been more nervous in his life.

“I-Izumi… Wh-What if they don’t like me?” Itaru asked quietly, his hands wringing the edge of his shirt.

“Course they’ll like you!” Izumi declared. “They’re my bestest friends, and you’re my bestest friend now, too! So, we’re all friends!”

“Umm, I… I don’t think… that’s how it works,” the brown-haired boy murmured, confused by her logic.

It had only been a few days since he’d met Izumi, but it had been a life-changing experience for the bespectacled boy. No matter how awkward or quiet he was, the energetic girl never seemed to mind – rather, she somehow continued the conversation even without his responses. She also didn’t laugh at how bad he was at climbing the jungle gym – always cheering him on instead of leaving him behind. Even when he won all of their games, rather than getting upset at his constant victories, she’d challenge him to another round with even more determination than before.

And, now that he had a taste of what it was like to have a friend, he feared losing her.

Izumi often talked about her two other friends, Tsumu and Tachan. She said that they were her best friends and that they were lots of fun – even though Tachan was a baldie butthead sometimes. The girl had been ecstatic to introduce him to them once they returned from their Golden Week visit to some out-of-town family members.

However, rather than feeling anticipation at meeting them, Itaru only felt dread. If Tsumu and Tachan didn’t like him, just like most of the other kids he’d met, would that mean he couldn’t play with Izumi anymore? The thought made his throat tighten.

“Oh, look! They’re here!” Izumi exclaimed, waving both of her arms above her head at three oncoming figures.

“Izuuuumiiii!!” a blue-haired boy yelled back. Beside him, a taller boy with hair shaved short to his head waved an arm back. Trailing behind them was an older boy with dark hair.

Itaru wished he could prepare himself better, but, before he knew it, the two younger boys were running towards them.

Izumi immediately threw herself at the blue-haired boy, hugging him tight.

“I missed you, Tsumu!”

“Me, too!” Tsumugi replied with a giggle.

“Hey, how come I don’t get anything!” Tasuku demanded.

Izumi turned her head towards Tasuku and stuck her tongue out at him. Itaru could see the taller boy’s eyebrows raise and, a second later, Tasuku smirked and jabbed Izumi in the ribs with his fingers. Izumi squealed and lunged at him, trying to jab him back, but the boy just danced away. With a yell of protest, Izumi chased after his retreating figure.

Itaru’s head was spinning and he dropped his gaze to look at his feet. He thought he might be feeling sick.

Then, suddenly, his vision was filled with yellow.

“This is for you!” a soft voice chirped.

Itaru looked up from the small bouquet of big, yellow daisies and came face-to-face with Tsumugi.

“F-For me?” Itaru asked uncertainly.

“Yeah! My grandma grew them! She said that the yellow ones are for friends!” the boy chattered excitedly. “So, umm, my name’s Tsumugi! Will you please be my friend?”

Itaru was thunderstruck. His gaze flickered down from Tsumugi’s shy smile to the flowers clutched in his hand, not quite believing that a second person – in the span of less than a week – was asking to be his friend.

After a long second, Itaru finally reached out and slowly took the bright yellow flowers from Tsumugi’s unwavering hand. He gentle fingered one of the petals – they were velvety and soft.

“Yay! Let’s play together lots, okay, Itaru?” Tsumugi said with a bright smile.

“H-How did you know my name?” Itaru asked, surprised.

“Izumi talked lots about you when we played yesterday,” Tsumugi responded.

Then, a whirlwind of brown hair flew past them and Izumi was suddenly behind Itaru, clutching onto his shoulders.

“You’re so mean, Tachan – my hair’s all messy now!” Izumi exclaimed with a pout. “You better not be mean to Itaru or I’ll beat you up!”

Itaru’s eyes flickered up to stare at Tasuku, who had come to stand beside Tsumugi.

“So, you’re Itaru, right?” the taller boy asked. “I’m Tasuku.”

Maybe it was because Itaru was taken aback by Tasuku’s size – being much bigger than Tsumugi and himself – but, instead of saying ‘nice to meet you’, like he had been taught by his parents, Itaru blurted something out instead.

“There’s no way you can beat him up, Izumi. He’s huge.”

“Wh-What?! I-I so can!” Izumi protested, stomping her feet. “Just watch!”

The girl then launched herself at Tasuku and headbutted him in the stomach. The movement took the taller boy by surprise and he yelped as he was knocked onto his behind. Izumi, unable to stop her momentum, promptly toppled over him.

A part of Itaru was alarmed at what had just happened, but another part of him found the entire situation – a tiny girl barrelling into someone a full head taller than her – so absurd that it was hilarious. So hilarious, in fact, that a laugh ripped itself out of Itaru’s throat and he was practically doubled over as giggles wracked his body.

“H-Hey! You’re laughing!” Izumi gasped.

Realizing that he was being called out, Itaru calmed himself immediately, nudging his glasses up to wipe his eyes with one hand.

“S-Sorry,” he apologized, suddenly nervous that maybe he shouldn’t have laughed. Was she mad?

“B-But…” Izumi’s eyebrows furrowed, and her cheeks puffed out. “You didn’t even laugh at my funny faces yesterday!!”

Itaru distinctly remembered the ‘funny faces’ she was talking about. He wasn’t sure how to tell her that they hadn’t been funny.

“Here, try again!! I’ll definitely make you laugh this time!”

Izumi then squished her face between her hands and puckered out her lips while rolling her eyes.

From beside him, Tsumugi burst into giggles. Itaru, on the other hand, could only tilt his head. It looked weird, but not quite funny.

“You look like a demon,” Tasuku remarked dryly.

Itaru clapped his hand over his mouth as he let out a snort.

“HEY!”

And there we have it!! Our babies are all together now!! I didn’t originally imagine that I would keep things chronological for so long, but I ended up really wanting to set up the foundation of how they all met before I jumped around! I’ve got one more chronological chapter left after this one to “wrap up” what I’d consider their first meetings, so to say.

After that, I plan to post non-chronological snippets from various times of their lives in no particular order. I’ll note that, timeline-wise, this fic series will only cover their “childhood” (i.e. up until Izumi and Itaru’s high school graduation).

I already have a pool of ideas, but I don’t actually have a preference for the order in which to write them. SO… I’d like to ask all of you awesome readers for opinions! Hearing everyone’s feedback on the chapters so far has been so motivating for me and I’m so happy that there’s people out there who love this series that I’ve put together! As my way of giving back, I’d like to open “requests” for the upcoming chapters!

How it’ll work is that you can request any “set” of characters (any combination of two, three or all four of our main characters) and then just let me know which age range you’d like to see (preschool/elementary age, middle school age or high school age). So, if there’s any particular interaction/combination of characters you’d like to see, please drop a comment/ask (anon asks are enabled!) with something like “Itaru and Tasuku, high school age” and I’ll write the next chapters in order of requests that I receive!

When I run out of requests to line up, I may open them up again, or do something different to decide what comes out next!!

Thanks so much for your support so far and I look forward to hearing from all of you!! As usual, if you enjoyed reading, please consider reblogging to help me out!!

-Anmitsu

[transthaumaturge]

Ace Attorney and the Finally Kind-Of Okay Queer Representation

Note: This post contains massive spoilers for Turnabout Academy, the third case in the 3DS game Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies. There are also spoilers for a few cases in the earlier games. Please only read on if you’re okay with that.

I love Ace Attorney, but as a series it is fraught with bad queer representation. It really says something that the first queer character that I felt pretty good about was five games in. Most of this bad rep is in the form of effeminate, gay-coded men that are written as evil and/or comic relief. A brief rundown:

1) Redd White, the power-hungry CEO of Bluecorp;

2) Jean Armstrong, the cowardly café owner who lied on the stand (and who is repeatedly misgendered by the judge for comic relief);

3) Florent L’Belle, the greedy Mayor’s Aid.

All three characters are presented as a mix of negative stereotypes and bad-faith comic relief. They’re dark spots in an otherwise really fun series, and it’s made me very uncomfortable interacting with each one as I’ve played through the cases. I’ve never felt worse about Ace Attorney than when it’s punching down on gay-coded characters, all of whom were written with no redeemable qualities. I mean, two of them were the actual murderers in their respective cases! Honestly, it just sucked.

That’s why I got so excited (and also super-nervous they would botch it again) today while playing through Turnabout Academy, at the moment when one of the characters is revealed to be explicitly trans. I’ll go over the general facts and then discuss why this was a step in the right direction, but still very flawed.

In the case, Robin Newman is a high school law student and a close friend of the defendant. In the early stages of the case, Robin presents as a very masculine individual and even wears a chest brace that is supposedly proof of her manliness. This whole time, she’s represented as a very aggressive and unhappy person. But on the first day of the case, it’s revealed that she put on a feminine costume belonging to the defendant because she really wanted to wear something girly. When further pressed, she comes out in the courtroom and reveals that she’s actually a girl—the chest brace was hiding the fact that she had breasts, and her parents raised her as a boy as some terrible step in forcing her to become a prosecutor when she grew up. Afterward, she’s a very cheerful, peppy person and says that she’s grateful she finally gets to live life as a girl and pursue her dream of becoming an artist.

As a trans woman myself, I started getting really excited as soon as it became clear that Robin put on the outfit—and even more excited when it was finally revealed that she was a girl who had been raised as a boy. The first thing that tipped me off to my gender identity was wanting to wear women’s clothing, so this gender euphoria through clothing scenario was something that I could relate to on a deep emotional level. And while I got nervous at first because the blame for the murder was briefly pinned on her, that ultimately goes nowhere. This is the first queer character in an Ace Attorney game that is represented as kind, positive, and trustworthy. Robin is wonderful. I love her so much.

But now I want to dive into where parts of her portrayal are still negative, and how Capcom made several missteps that ultimately resulted in Robin not being as fleshed-out and three-dimensional as she deserved to be.

First, Robin’s reveal is still treated like comic relief at times. I was really uncomfortable when several characters said “he was a she???” or something to that effect. Given that “he-she” was once a widely used transphobic slur for trans women, it wasn’t in good taste. Also uncomfortable was the fact that as soon as the big reveal happened, she took on a bunch of hyperfeminine behavioral and vocal tics. The worst was when she started swooning every time that anything shocking happened for the rest of the time she was on the stand. It felt like this was just a way to play up the comedy side of “hey, she’s a girl now.” She was forcibly outed in the courtroom, and then magically showed no trauma or self-doubt afterward. It almost felt like she wasn’t there to be a serious character anymore. Later, she thanks Athena for outing her. I think that sends the wrong message.

What did the game do right when portraying her? I loved how visibly relieved and happy she was after coming out, though it sucks that she didn’t get to do it on her own terms. It’s later revealed that she had confided in a professor about her gender identity and had a plan to come out to the school, so that was a nice touch. I also really liked it being mentioned that she had been raised as a boy, removing most of the ambiguity about what we were seeing—that this wasn’t a self-imposed repression of her authentic self, but something that had been forced on her. They used the right pronouns for her throughout the entire rest of the case without slipping up even once, thankfully not misgendering her for laughs like they did relentlessly with Jean Armstrong two games earlier. She was also just a really pleasant character to be around afterward, so that was nice.

What would be on my wish list if I were asked to help in rewriting Robin to be a more positive example of trans representation? First, I would fix her character’s comedic behavioral tics. Most witnesses have some silly animations, but the fact that all of her tics after being outed were hyperfeminine to the point of parody made me uncomfortable. Are there other ways to make her a bit quirky and visibly feminine without punching down on her burgeoning relationship with her gender? I’m sure that there are. It would also be nice for her reaction to being out in public for the first time to be more on par with what you might actually expect if a trans woman found herself in that situation. She probably feels relieved, but also a bit scared, embarrassed, and hesitant about how she’s supposed to act now. I would love to see some of that reflected in how she talks and in how she acts. Maybe she’s daydreaming of what she can wear now that she’s out, and that’s interspersed with nervous hair-twirling and curtsying at awkward times.

I’d also like her to say something to Athena about how she wished that she wasn’t forced to come out in front of a bunch of people like that, but she’s happy that she gets to be herself. Anything other than thanking Athena for outing her with no qualifiers. The fact that she was forcibly outed needs to be portrayed as a traumatic moment. Sure, something good came out of it and Athena didn’t immediately realize that that’s where the cross-examination was going, but it shouldn’t have happened. An apology from Athena would also be nice. She should feel at least a little bit guilty about outing someone in the middle of a courtroom, even if that someone was much happier afterwards.

Finally, I’d love for there to be less ambiguity about the events that led her to this point—and ideally, something that more explicitly shows that she’s a trans woman. The way her dialogue was written, I think the writers were trying to portray her as having been assigned female at birth, but later forced by her parents to take on a male identity for…some reason. It’s never explained why they would want to inflict that on her. She’s trans regardless of her sex at birth if she was forced to live life as a boy for her entire childhood, but I think that it could be handled better. A few possibilities that I like more:

1) She was already in the middle of gender transition, and started wearing the chest brace when her breasts began to develop since she wasn’t ready to be out in public—especially to her parents, who might have cut her financial support off if they had known. After all, she was at a prestigious private legal school. That must have been a concern.

2) She was intersex, and her parents raised her as a boy when she was growing up because that’s unfortunately what happens so often with intersex children—they’re forced into one side of the binary or the other, and sometimes they find out later on that their parents didn’t make the right choice or that they don’t identify with a binary gender identity at all. Robin had breasts because she was born with both male and female sex characteristics, and try as her parents might to force her into manhood, she still had a uterus. Not every intersex person is trans, but plenty are.

3) Or just…remove the bit where she’s revealed to have breasts altogether, and keep in the fact that she’s a girl who was raised as a boy! Why does she have to be “a biological female in disguise”? While either of the above two options would have been good ways to explain the fact that she had breasts, I’m not giving the writers enough credit to have thought of one or the other. If they had, it would have been hinted at. On some level, it felt like they were saying “it’s okay everyone, she’s not really trans. Look, she had breasts all along!” If that’s what they were trying to do, then screw it; just change the reveal but nothing else about the character, and make her an unabashedly AMAB trans woman.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the topic. I recognize that this was super long-winded, but I needed to get my thoughts out—anyone who’s interested in this and got something from the long read, I’m glad that I was able to provide some insight. And I’m not even done with the series yet! Maybe they did do better! I don’t have my hopes up, but maybe! Anyway, please feel free to reblog this post with your thoughts or message me if this inspired any opinions of your own. As long as those thoughts aren’t “Robin isn’t really trans or queer at all.” I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.

Have a great day, everyone! And thanks for reading!

[elvendara]

MM Fluff Week 2020 day 4

Day 4: Accomplishments  ♡  Mysme Friendships

For @mmfluffweek

This one seemed a bit clunky, but IDK, hope you like it anyway!

Yoosung straightened his yellow bowtie yet again and ran fingers through his hair. He went back and forth on whether he should wear his hair clips. In the end, he put them on, after all, Saeran liked them and that’s all that mattered. They were silver with small diamond stars on them. A gift from the twins on his last birthday. Saeran had designed them and helped Saeyoung craft them. If he was honest, they were probably his most prized possession. Taking a deep breath and one final look at himself he nodded and walked out.

This was his only suit, but it had held up well. The sleeves might be a bit small now, he must have grown some, but otherwise fit properly. It was a deep blue that Saeran liked on him, which was a big plus. He was excited and a bit nervous, but he supposed tonight was probably not much different than an RFA party where there would be some wealthy and famous guests. Of course, Yoosung never actually had to mingle with those guests. His duties were more the backstage variety.

He stepped out of his apartment building to a waiting limo. The chauffeur nodded to him as he opened the door.

“Thank you.” Yoosung said.

“My pleasure sir.” The man closed the door as Yoosung settled onto the seat. He’d been in limos before, while accompanying Jumin, but never had one all to himself. It felt silly and wasteful, but Saeran had insisted. It took about fifteen minutes to get to their next destination. The chauffeur once more opened the door, this time to let Saeran in. The man looked stunning, taking Yoosung’s breath away. His red hair was slicked back, his mint colored eyes noticeably not hiding behind the fringe. The black eyeliner was expertly applied, as always, and his studded choker was around his neck. He wore a red Tshirt under a black coat, black jeans and his biker boots. How long since he’d dressed that way? Yoosung had to resist an urge to reach over and ruffle his hair.

Yoosung scooted over to make room for the man next to him, which he took. He turned to him and grinned, green eyes gleaming, but a little terrified as well.

“You look amazing.” He said.

“So do you, I’m glad you decided for this look.” Yoosung admired his boyfriend.

“Uh, yeah…not sure how it will go over though.” Saeran swallowed. Yoosung reached for his hand, it was sweaty.

“Nervous?”

“Shit yeah!” Saeran answered honestly. Yoosung laughed and lay his head on the other man’s shoulder.

“Don’t be, it’s going to be incredible, you’ll see.”

“I…I’m just afraid I’ll let everyone down.”

“You won’t.”

“I wish I could be as confident as you.”

“You don’t have to be, all of us are cheering you on, and even if nobody else likes it, we all love it!” Yoosung turned Searan’s face towards him and kissed him lightly. This was Saeran’s night and he was going to do everything in his power to make it a great one.

Saeran smiled, the tension in his body eased and he reached for the hair clips in Yoosung’s blonde hair. “You wore them.”

“Of course! They’re my lucky charm!” he giggled.

“I’m glad. And grateful for you, being here with me. I can’t imagine having done this by myself without you by my side.”

“You just needed a little push is all.”

“I don’t know. The man I used to be…well…”

“But that wasn’t the real you, it just took you a while to realize who you really are, without all that…uh…”

“It’s OK. I know you’re right. And I know that it will probably be a lifelong journey for me. But I hope you stay by my side.”

“Always.” They exchanged several more kisses before the limo stopped once more. When the door opened, Saeran stepped out into a few lightbulb flashes. He held out his hand for Yoosung, who took it eagerly. There was some media and some onlookers who looked more confused than anything, wondering if they were celebrities of some sort. His amethyst eyes blinked at the crowd, but Saeran only had eyes for him, placing his arm around his waist and leading them inside the art gallery.

The rest of the RFA was already inside, Jaehee and MC in stunning gowns fit for the Oscars. Jumin and Zen both handsome in their tails, Jumin in black, Zen in white, making an ethereal pair. Saeyoung on the other hand, wore a white buttoned long sleeved dress shirt with his regular black and orange hoodie, his hair in it’s usual disarray. Yoosung simply shook his head.

“Little bro! Making the fashionable entrance huh?” Saeyoung hugged him, and the others followed after. Saeran looked a bit awkward and uncomfortable but he handled it well.

“Mr. Choi. I’m so pleased you have arrived, there are several people who have been asking for you. May I take you from your friends?” The woman wore a black cocktail dress, her dark hair in a high tight ponytail, her grey eyes alert and determined.

“Uh…” Saeran stuttered.

“It’s OK, I think we’ll manage.” Yoosung shooed him away. Saeran nodded and let the woman lead him away like a trapped animal.

“He seems to barely be holding on.” Zen laughed sipping from his champagne goblet.

“Give him time, he’ll grow into it. V never much cared for the personal attention either.” Jumin said.

“But V used his charm effectively, I’m not sure Saeran has that same ability.” Jaehee said.

“No, but I think this really has helped him come out of his shell a bit more with other people. Although, I think he enjoys taking photographs because it allows him hide behind the camera.” Yoosung answered.

“Yep, but now he can’t!” Saeyoung laughed. “Can you believe my little brother has his own gallery showing? Not to mention all that social media blowing up over his photos! He’s going to be bigger than V ever was!”

“And I wonder who made that happen.” MC arched her eyebrow at her husband.

“Is it wrong of me to promote my little bro?” Saeyoung asked offended.

“No, but it might be to do it by hacking.” Zen laughed.

“Is that so? Hmm, remind me again, who reblogged onto all his own social media sites?” Saeyoung said.

Zen looked away without answering.

“It was something I never thought I would see, Zen posting something that wasn’t his face or body.” Jumin smirked. Zen slapped his arm but Jumin only laughed and pulled the man close, giving him a peck on the cheek.

“He did take some photos of me as well! I was only trying to help him.” Zen pouted.

“Absolutely my love.” Jumin nodded and went silent.

Yoosung was barely paying any attention as his eyes were on Saeran. In the last few years he’d come leaps and bounds from the man he used to be. There was still that hard shell, but once inside, there was a soft gooey center that was still so very fragile and vulnerable. He cherished the man, the good and the bad, and he was overwhelmingly happy that things were looking up for him. The photos he took were stunning. You couldn’t help but feel something when you saw them. Saeyoung was right, V was incredible, but there was a different perspective to the way Saeran saw the world. The truth of it. That while there was great beauty, there was also great sorrow.

After an hour Saeran finally made his way back to Yoosung.

“Can we go now?” he whispered in desperation.

“No, you promised you’d stay at least until ten.” Yoosung answered.

“What time is it now?”

“Just after nine.”

“Ugh…”

“Come on, why don’t you take me on a tour?”

“You’ve already seen them all.”

“Yes, but, I’d love to hear your perspective on them, you know, explain it to me as if I’ve never seen it before. Besides, it will give you an excuse to stay with me and ignore all these people.” Yoosung grinned.

“True!” Saeran’s eyes lit up. “OK, let’s start over there.” He took Yoosung’s hand and headed towards the center of the gallery. Yoosung didn’t move. “What?”

“I’m so proud of you Saeran.” Yoosung said, eyes glittering with happiness.

Saeran blushed and looked away, but there was a small smile playing around his lips. “You don’t have to say that.” He mumbled.

“I know I don’t have to. I want to. And I am, so very proud. And happy to be here with you. What you’ve done in incredible Saeran. You should be proud of yourself too.”

Saeran sighed and pulled the man closer. Yoosung was sure now, he had definitely grown, he was almost eye to eye with Saeran, if he hadn’t been wearing those biker boots, he might even be taller than the red head now. They embraced and kissed. Flashes exploded around them, but they were oblivious.

[novantinuum]

Bi the Way...

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen

Words: 2.8K~

Pairings: Steven/Connie

Summary: Connie has a question, and also something to say.

Or: the one where Connie comes out as bisexual :D Set post Steven Universe: The Movie.

You can find the AO3 link in the reblogs! (I have to omit it from the original post these days to ensure this will show up in the tags.) If you enjoyed this, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos on AO3 as well.

---

Bi the Way...

Outside the familiar coziness of Steven’s bedroom, the late autumn rain pours steadily, the choppy waters of the Atlantic crashing onto shore with a ferociousness Connie hasn’t seen for a number of months. Historically, Beach City has been blessed to be host to consistently good weather. But even the most consistently stable meteorological systems aren’t immune to the odd unexpected shake-up. It’s a necessity to clear the air with a great thunderous clap, sometimes. It relieves pressure that’s built up long term amongst the clouds. It leaves the atmosphere noticeably cleaner, the dirt below sparkling with that fresh scent that comes about after torrents of cool rain.

On this particular afternoon, she’s found that this is a lesson that holds just as true for people as it does the weather.

It begins with a stray comment, as things often do.

They’re watching TV, the two of them, tangled together on his bed. About once a week they’ll try to have one of these cuddle sessions, just some time alone together to relax and enjoy each other’s company in private. Working alongside a myriad of Gems to aid in the restructuring of an entire society can be excruciatingly stressful at points, and so can rigorous AP classes and the eye-rolling drudgery of high school drama. There’s no placing a hierarchy on these things for them, no matter their outward difficulty or importance, they’re all just... the challenges in life they have to win. And on occasion, they’re the challenges they need a quiet break from. Both of them are no stranger to throwing themselves at a problem and working endlessly towards a solution until they hit rock bottom and crash, but over the years they’ve started to recognize this tendency for the bad habit it is. It’s okay to take 'me' time, Connie’s constantly reminding Steven (and herself) whenever she catches him about to stubbornly sneak away to the galaxy warp with clear stress lines rimming his eyes. And without fail he’ll groan halfheartedly, knowing he’s been caught red-handed, and retire to his room to relax with a book or a board game or a few rounds of Lonely Blade: Resurgence instead.

Today’s workaholic distraction is a marathon of old Under the Knife episodes. It’s been a while since they’ve binged through this show, and when Steven brought it up and she started to feel super nostalgic about it, in a flash their entertainment for the afternoon was selected.

“Gosh, I honestly forgot how good this is,” he says in the middle of an episode, nudging her arm with his elbow. “The satirical nonsense, the passion, the drama? Eh?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty pulpy,” she giggles, nudging him right back. Then, directed at the unhearing characters on screen: “Ughh, Marigold, come on, just go out with him already! We all know you like him!”

“I can’t believe they kept this a slow burn for five entire seasons,” he comments, pursing his lips. “They’re literally perfect for each other!”

Connie throws her arms down against the mattress, palms stretched wide open. “I know, right?? Adrien’s like, a total dreamboat of a man.”

“Yeah, he is pretty cute,” Steven says, an unmistakable blush coloring his face and ears.

Connie pauses upon hearing this, gazing at her boyfriend thoughtfully with a soft smile as he continues to watch this old episode with the same level of investment he exhibited upon its first airing. He props his chin in the cradle of his hands, which of course only further exaggerates the curve of his chubby cheeks. His eyes are blown wide with youthful endeavor, the TV’s glow glinting against his irises in a myriad of continuously shifting colors. He is pretty cute, she thinks, his own adorably smitten words echoing through her mind. And then that blush...

There’s a question she’s had for quite a while but has never asked. Something she’s suspected of him, but had no concrete proof of. The reason? Even if they’re best friends, and now— boyfriend and girlfriend on top of that— the idea of asking him something like this just felt too... what’s the word... invasive. Not that there’s anything wrong with discussing this sort of stuff, no, no, of course not! That’s definitely not what she means. But talking about something as important as this, she just knows it would turn into an in-depth conversation, as most worldly topics tend to do with Steven Universe, and it’s only inevitable this conversation would eventually turn back on her. On why she cared to ask in the first place. And that answer was... well, straightforward, but something she’s not sure she’s ready to broadcast. As if she’s taken command of but a single fragment of Garnet’s future vision, in her restless mind she’s already mapped out what feels like every possible response he could have to her. Most of them are no more than anxiety laced fabrications, things he would never ever dare think of with his upbringing, but believe her when she says she’s been burdened with considering every possible outcome in great, excruciating length.

Now that she knows for sure there’s a strong chance he’s the same way, however... that narrows down these possibilities significantly.

Connie threads her fingers together, gathering the courage.

Come on, you. It’s just Steven. No script, no planning, just... say it!

She opens her mouth to speak before her anxiety laden mind can beg to differ.

“By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask- do you like girls and guys?”

Steven glances away from the television set to meet her curiosity head on. “Oh, you mean like, romantically?”

Running in automatic, she nods in confirmation. Here she goes. The answer to both her spoken question, and the question of which river of possibility this conversation will careen down.

He grins, scratching at the side of his neck. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess I do! But I think I could like anyone, really. Guys, gals, none of the above. Doesn’t matter to me. That’s... okay, yes?”

“Silly, of course it’s okay! You don’t need my permission to like who you like. I just asked because I-“ Her heart pounds as she pauses briefly, focusing on the nervous jitters, but not in fear. Not anymore. Instead, that soft fluttering in her heart is nothing less than sheer exhilaration. She parts her lips once more, bravely speaking her inner truth into reality for the first time in her life. “I’m like that too. I... I’m bisexual.”

Her boyfriend’s whole expression lights up so bright she may as well be looking at a newborn star.

“Oh, really? That’s awesome!” he says, throwing an arm around her shoulder to side hug her. (Knowing him, his keen empathetic ability likely led him to sense the internal battle she waltzed through just to state this out loud.)

The forgotten soap opera continues to play in the background as Connie gives a bashful laugh.

“Hehe, glad you think so. You’re actually, um... the first person I’ve ever said that out loud to,” she says, blushing.

Steven looks as if he’s about to say something in response, but then he pauses— fades into a silence that’s deliberate and measured— as he gazes back at her. Drinks in the moment. Wonders how he could be so lucky to hold her trust like this, or how— heck, he could be thinking anything, she has no idea! Unlike him she can only catch small glimpses into how he feels, the truth woven like gossamer threads through his words and actions, but in this one hallowed moment she doesn’t need to guess. The spark of affection dancing within his dark eyes is soft, perhaps softer than he’s ever looked at her before.

More than anything, Connie feels seen. Years back, long before sword training and Gem missions, long before that fateful day she discovered the beautiful temple (it looked like it could very well be a Hindu goddess, and that cultural connection alone made this slice of beach instantly familiar) hidden on the other side of the hill and decided to park herself there with a book, she’d grown used to feeling invisible. Before she bravely chose to step into this world of magic, it’s as if she forgot that she even had a choice to stand out, to openly shine as the unique, extraordinary individual she is. Admittedly, she still struggles with that to this day. But whenever she’s with him, with her Steven? It’s as if her universe explodes into a kaleidoscope of dizzying color where everything is so, so beloved and worthwhile. She’s worthwhile.

She can only hope being with her makes him feel the same way.

“I know it’s silly after everything we’ve been though,” she continues in time, still having a few things on her mind she suddenly has an exhilarating need to set free, “but I always kinda worried that people... would belittle me for it, I guess. Especially my parents. That like, there’s some upper limit to the number of unusual things about my life they’ll accept.”

“It’s not that unusual, though,” Steven says with a shrug. “I mean, Ruby and Sapphire are legally married. Sure, the Gems aren’t exactly women, but they do present that way. And then Pearl was in love with Mom, of course. Oh, and Amethyst once told me, and I quote, that ‘like a whip, I swing in every direction.’”

Connie snorts at this, and even he can’t help but laugh.

“Let’s see, what else...” he muses, peering at the ceiling thoughtfully as he continues to list the queer individuals he knows of. “Jenny, Buck, and Sour Cream are all dating each other. Mr. Smiley finally reconnected for real with his old comedy partner, and they’re dating. And my dad may not be seeing anyone but he’s always been openly pansexual.”

“Well, it’s not usual in my family,” she says glumly, nestling her chin into his bed’s comforter as the terrifying possibility of rejection hits her harder than expected. Her glance roams. On the television screen, the episode they were watching had paused automatically, a message asking if they’re still there popping up. Clearly it’s been a while since anyone’s handled the remote. She blinks past tears, shame settling at the pit of her stomach for even daring to cry them when others have gone through so much worse, and you’re lucky, what do you even have to feel lost about, and suddenly she begins to feels shameful just for feeling shame, and what cyclical, bittersweet irony is that, and what’s wrong with her, why can’t she stop obsessing over distant possibilities that likely have zero chances of coming to pass, why can’t she—

Steven breaks through her downward spiral with a gentle hand on her shoulder, rubbing away the physical evidence of her stress. She melts into his touch, forever smitten by this kind of casual intimacy they get to experience together here, alone. It’s innocent, still merely the wandering hands of two teenagers barely beginning to break the boundaries between close friendship and romance, but when words fail she’s discovered that touch can be a language of its own. And right here, right now, she knows he’s talking her down from the mountain of anxiety she’s marooned herself on. He’s leapt effortlessly into the stormy sky and cradled her in his arms, ready to float back to Earth’s surface together.

Outside, the rain continues to slap in rhythmic sheets against the deck. She shivers. Maybe it’s in reaction to the gloomy weather beyond the sliding glass door, maybe it’s despite it. She has no idea.

Steven scoots forward on his belly a bit, and rolls to his side so they can talk face to face without turning their heads. During this, his shirt rides up— ever so slightly— ambient light catching on the lower facets of his gem. The reassurance found in that beautiful, familiar smile of his is dizzying. “Well, at least no matter what happens with your family, you have more than one, huh?“ he says.

“Yeah,” she breathes shakily, eyes glistening with emotion at the metaphorical hand he’s extending with that statement.

Hopefully it’ll never have to come to that, though.

“I do think my parents will be fine with it, if I ever do tell them,” she continues, dabbing the dampness from her eyes. “Especially my mom. She works with queer patients all the time at the hospital, so she’s pretty used to stuff like that. I just... get anxious sometimes.”

“Yeah, I get that. It’s tough dealing with identity stuff.”

She hums, mind immediately harking to the years he spent doubting his own personhood. Seeking any kind of physical connection she can get, she nuzzles her cheek against his forearm, which he’s currently leaning on. They lay there like that in comfortable silence for a good while. Steven, laying on his side, one hand lazily trailing through her wavy hair, and her, curled up close to his heartbeat, hugging his free arm.

“Hey, while we’re on the topic, can I ask you something?” he asks eventually.

She nods. “Anything.”

“How’d you distinguish bi from pan, when you were figuring all this out? I know they’re pretty similar, and my dad tried to explain it a while ago when I asked, but I still don’t exactly get the nuances.”

Connie shifts to sit up, pursing her lips as she considers her words here. She’s done a lot of research into queer identity in her time, checking out books from the school library and looking up stuff online on incognito mode, but there’s probably still a ton of holes in her knowledge. “Hmm, okay... so I’m no sole authority on any of this of course, but to the best of my knowledge bi means you’re attracted to two or more genders, and pan means you’re attracted to people, but like... their gender isn’t really a factor in the way you experience that at all? I‘m pretty sure? There seems to be a lot of overlap. From what I’ve read people just sorta pick whatever feels the best to them.”

“Huh, that makes sense,” Steven says. “So picking labels is kinda like fusion, then! Whenever I fuse, we decide our own name, and it’s sorta... based on a feeling, y’know?”

“Yeah! And like, with Stevonnie... Even though Amethyst kinda inspired the name, they still had to figure out who they were as a person on their own.”

“Exactly! And then, even if two fusions are made of the same gem types, they could still have different names because they’re different people, and that’s what they choose. Anyways, that’s just what this reminded me of,” he says, glancing up at her with a bashful smile. “Honestly... I don’t actually know how I identify.”

The corner of her lips edge upwards. “That’s fine,” she reassures him with a pat, “it took me a while to sort through all this stuff.”

“I really wanna figure it out, have a word for it, but nothing’s clicked yet. For a while I thought I was pansexual like my dad, but that didn’t quite... feel right. Like—“ he too shifts to sit up, folding his feet under his legs as he continues to speak— “I love getting to kiss you, but no offense, I don’t... know if I'll ever want to have- to do anything more than that, y’know?”

She snickers at his inability to simply say the word sex. He’s seventeen now, he knows full well what that is, yet still his faux innocence on the matter remains. It’s one of his charms.

“None taken. Love and attraction is a bizarre, complicated world.”

“You can say that again.”

“Bogus.”

“Whack,” he agrees with a playful grin. Reaching for the remote, he presses play a few times to wake up their streaming site. The episode starts up right where it left off, and they continue to watch together, the air somehow feeling sweeter after her much needed release of emotion.

The satirical medical drama quickly fades into the background, though, as Steven’s hand curls around hers.

“Hey,” he says quietly, blushing. “Even if I don’t know everything about labels yet, I do know one thing for sure.”

She raises a curious brow. “What?”

“I know I love you.”

And before she can open her mouth to respond in kind, he’s kissing her cheek, swooping in like a bandit just like she did for the first time all those months ago, and her heart swells with affection for this boy. He leaves her with one kiss, then two. At the exact moment she turns her head to reciprocate— to sneak a gentle kiss to his cheek right back— he turns as well and she ends up meeting him at the lips. It’s but a quick peck, but she's almost floating. The two of them stifle a laugh as they gaze at each other, their noses almost brushing together.

“Hey, it stopped raining,” he comments then, grinning against her cheek.

She drapes her arms around his shoulders, and hugs him close. Her eyes trail to the glass sliding door. The clouds outside are still thick, but after releasing their load they’re visibly lighter now.

“Yeah,” she breathes, feeling her muscles finally relax as she sinks into her best friend’s embrace. “Yeah, I guess it finally has.”

[jobethdalloway]

I have never met a woman irl who exuded such an incredible big dyke energy and she gave me a ride on her motorcycle: a memoir

So I’ve been at this conference and I’ve met some absolutely incredible queer women. Like yesterday I went to a breakout session with maybe 40 of them including a good-sized group of lesbians in their 40s/50s, some of whom were in the process of getting divorced from their husbands in able to live their authentic lives. One such person was a woman I’ll call J, who just, wow. Bowled me over with the bde from the way she sat, talked, swung out her hand to shake yours. She has this great boisterous laugh.

I told her I thought she exuded the most incredible energy, like, this amazing gay vibe that I both loved and envied. She cracked a joke about how, being a mother of 6(!!) and living in a hick town she’d never have imagined getting to let her gay flag fly so high. I’m so glad she’s in a good place and that, in her words, the divorce is going very smoothly and it’s all good.

Anyway at some point in the session a stunning and wonderful femme woman talked about a time she was on a date and some drunk guy came up and said he wanted to go home with them. She laughed about returning to her truck later and seeing her coat draped over the seat and worrying for a second that this guy had somehow gotten into her truck to go home with them, and that turned into this recurring joke of the session, like, us all being so desperate just to be friends that we’d try to get into each other’s cars/trucks/whatever. 

That was something I ran with in particular and this morning J came over to me and was like “hey, how come I didn’t see you in my truck last night?” And I laughed and she goes “just kidding, just kidding. I came on my motorcycle anyway.” And I was like, “ha ha! I could try to sneak onto the back of it later, but I’m guessing it would be easy to hide.” She gave me like a dude-bro clap on the shoulder and said “You don’t have to sneak, I’d be happy to take you for a ride later if you want.” (I know how that sounds, but I am 98% sure she was not intending that to be an entendre.) I kinda just like laughed nervously bc she was staying for this closing picnic luncheon at the conference and I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to yet. 

Turns out I did end up being able to stay, and J and I talked for a while before mingling with other folks and at some point I saw her walking away with a dude and I realized she was about to give him a ride home (which she had mentioned earlier) and I kinda hurried after them bc I thought she might be just dropping him off and then going home and I wanted to make sure I said goodbye. Y’all I saw her straddle that bike and all of “Ring of Keys” flew through my head.

“Hey, so where’s my seat?” I said as they got their helmets on. 

I’m not totally sure if she knew I was kidding, she just looked me and said, “I’m coming back after I drop him off. You can have his seat, if you want.”

And again I was kinda flustered and didn’t really know what to say so I just kinda giggled and was like “yeah, sure, maybe!”

Anyway she ultimately returned. I saw her talking on the phone and kinda made sure I was standing near people I didn’t know so that (hopefully) nobody would come talk to me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her walking closer to me, still on the phone, until she stopped just a few feet away. She hung up and asked me - just so casually, so breezily, so whatever-ly - “so, how about that ride?” I guess I hadn’t really been sure if she’d been serious about offering, and I wondered if riding a motorcycle was something I really wanted to do (my uncle used to ride them and had some horror stories) so I kinda hemmed and hawed like “ooh, I dunno, I think my group is maybe leaving soon...” Whether it was that or she sensed that I was nervous, she said, “Just once around the block? If you want. No pressure.”

I decided it was something I couldn’t pass up so I followed her back to the bike (she laughed when I called it a hog) and she handed me a helmet and was telling me about how to make sure the straps were properly fixed and I was kinda like “oh man am i doing this wrong” so she helped me put on bc I’m a dumbass haha and I got on behind her and she revved it up and OH BOY

I hadn’t really been sure what to do with my arms because there was nothing on the back of the bike to hold onto so I just kinda grabbed her around the stomach like I’d seen her previous passenger do and I asked, “is this ok??” And she laughed and said “if I let that guy do it, I’m sure as hell gonna let you!” 

It was a short ride and kind of exhilarating. Okay, really exhilarating. She made a comment about the vibration being a good feeling and I’m pretty sure my laugh sounded like a dying goose. It was all nerve-wracking in a lot of ways. When we parked and got off and started walking back to the park I was kind of breathless and laughed about my legs feeling shaky and she goes, “Kinda feel like you need a cigarette, huh? That’s what [guy] said.” (The guy was gay btw, and I think they’re friends; he wasn’t being gross.) I laughed again, told her I was excited about what the coming year would hold for her post-divorce, and called her a stud which got a delighted laugh out of her. 

I’m writing this out and realizing I’m maybe making her sound more flirtatious than she actually was. I have no idea if we were getting/receiving the same signals? At the end of the day she’s on the precipice of a major life change and we live several states away from each other/she’s got a great support group nearby and it’s not like I developed huge feelings or anything. But I for sure felt a strong crush on her and I’m not gonna forget this amazing afternoon! If we lived closer I might have been like “hey can we go out” but like that’s not feasible and I’m totally fine/I’ll live, lol. It’s very likely I’ll see her a year from now at the same conference and I’m looking forward to hearing stories about all the women I’m sure she’ll have swept off their feet by then :)

(please don’t reblog? Not that anyone would. But like, please don’t. Just wanted to jot down this crazy awesome experience)

[kanasmusings]

[Translation] QUELL “Matchless People” Track 3 - Part 1

Track 3, yay~! The track is 20+ minutes long so again, it’s separated into two parts. Part one is all about Issei’s side of the fight. It goes on until minute 11:03 ^^ Part 2 will be all about Ichiru~

Thank you again to Deea for the files before I got mine~! 

※ Please don’t re-post these translations without permission. Instead of reposting, please just like/reblog instead ^^

Either way, under the cut. Enjoy~!

Track 03: [兄の想い、弟の想い] “Older Brother’s Feelings, Little Brother’s Feelings”

[0:00]

  SHU: I see, so that’s what happened.

EICHI: You didn’t sleep last night, huh. No wonder I thought you were up so early.

ISSEI: I didn’t plan on being nervous but… When I started thinking of a lot of things, it was already morning.

ISSEI: But, I didn’t really feel troubled so I didn’t talk about it.

ISSEI: But, like Ichiru said, I didn’t follow what I told him.

SHU: Self-management and limits are different from each person after all. But, if you still can’t continue to be able to sleep, I think it’s important to make counter-measures.

ISSEI: Yeah, I’ll do that. I won’t push myself and I’ll discuss it with you.

EICHI: It must be difficult for Icchi when he can’t sleep, huh. That’s why he gets worried when it happens to you.

ISSEI: … Ichiru was… worried about me but I… I ignored those feelings and said too much about doing this and doing that.

EICHI: But… wouldn’t Icchi normally get mad about that?

SHU: I think so, too. The after-events of a show you were nervous about is usually used for taking a breather.

SHU: You’d want to be praised for doing your best at a huge event, right? Maybe he got oversensitive with all the strict rules.

SHU: He might have been driven to a corner, too. And so his emotions just kind of flew out.

EICHI: Exactly. I’m sure it’s that. Icchi was tired, too.

EICHI: Plus, I’m sure he’s regretting what he did as we speak.

ISSEI: Yeah… You’re right. Ichiru is very nice after all.

SHU: Do you think it’d be alright if I went to check on Ichiru now?

ISSEI: Eh, you will…?!

SHU: I might not be as reliable as Eichi though.

ISSEI: That’s not true…

ISSEI: What’s wrong? It’s rare for Shu to say something like that.

SHU: There’s just something that I thought of.

EICHI: Alright~ Then let’s leave this to Shu. I’ll go prepare some more miso soup.

EICHI: It’s the key to opening Ama-no-Iwato~ Wait a bit here, okay? (1)

(Eichi leaves)

[02:37]

  SHU: Hey, Issei.

ISSEI: What?

SHU: Have you ever… experienced being mad at Ichiru?

ISSEI: Me?! Get mad? Why?

ISSEI: I do reflect on things sometimes though.

SHU: Ichiru has told you a lot of what he thinks of you, right?

SHU: But in being rebellious, he says really strong words.

SHU: Have you never gotten mad for anything like that?

ISSEI: Not in particular.

SHU: (smiles) You say that without second thought, huh.

ISSEI: I mean, it’s because I don’t really get mad about it.

ISSEI: Plus, I said it a while ago… I think it over when he says those things.

ISSEI: I think of the time he said it and how he said it.

ISSEI: I… I’m not really good with those kinds of things so…

ISSEI: Hey, Shu. I want you to keep what I’m about to say a secret from Ichiru…

SHU: I understand. I promise I won’t tell.

ISSEI: It might sound a bit contradictory but… I—I’m always a bit happy about it. Whenever Ichiru gets angry.

SHU: Happy?

ISSEI: Yeah.

ISSEI: Ichiru normally just does things because I think it’s okay to do.

ISSEI: He says that it’s a good idea, too, but really, he’s only respecting what I want to do.

ISSEI: But, if he thinks that it’s definitely bad, he won’t let it go. He’ll reject it properly and he’ll get mad.

ISSEI: Everything about that makes me happy.

ISSEI: I can tell that he trusts me, he treasures me, and that he’s serious about it.

SHU: Serious…?

ISSEI: I’ve been thinking all this time about when he’ll get mad again since it’s been a while but…

ISSEI: I remember now. It’s from when we first ran away from the institution in Hokkaido.

ISSEI: That day… I was accused of whether I stole some money from the institution.

SHU: That happened…?! Oh, but I think I remember hearing something about thieves and such.

ISSEI: Of course I didn’t do it! But, that time, I couldn’t say anything back to the people at the institution.

SHU: Why?

ISSEI: I was thinking of a lot of things at once.

ISSEI: Things like, “Would the police believe me if they were called in?” “What would happen if they called the orphanage?” “What would happen to Ichiru if I was arrested?”

ISSEI: I kept thinking about all those things that I didn’t know what I should do at the moment.

ISSEI: I got scared the more I thought about it that… That I thought it would be not that big of a deal if I lowered my head and apologized even if I didn’t do it.

ISSEI: But… Ichiru got really mad.

SHU: Of course he would be. I’d be mad, too. To the point that I still want to go and lecture those people who accused you back at that institute.

ISSEI: … Really, what’s with you today…? For you to say stuff like that…

SHU: Even I get irritated sometimes.

ISSEI: I’m kinda… surprised.

SHU: I’m the one who’s surprised. This is my first time hearing about that.

ISSEI: I didn’t tell you because I thought it wasn’t necessary but… Now that I think about it… It’s just… I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it.

ISSEI: I thought that I was pathetic for being accused like that, and that I absolutely disliked myself when I could only keep quiet…

ISSEI: But, I just remembered it when Ichiru got mad at me.

ISSEI: That even if I made the wrong choice, Ichiru would make the right one.

SHU: The wrong choice…?

ISSEI: That the choice I made was only one possible choice.

ISSEI: But… Ichiru was right. I mean, it’s because we ran away from the institution that we met Shu and Eichi and became a part of QUELL.

SHU: Issei…

ISSEI: Ichiru always praises me for being smart but, the one who’s smartly thinking and looking at everything directly is Ichiru.

ISSEI: Even if I don’t think about how things will work out, he looks solidly at reality.

ISSEI: I’m the one who knows that better than anyone in the world.

ISSEI: That’s why… I have to reflect on things he gets mad about but… I’m proud of Ichiru and it makes me really happy.

SHU: You really treasure Ichiru, don’t you?

ISSEI: Of course I do! He’s important to me. I’m really glad that Ichiru’s my twin!

ISSEI: I’m glad that I can stay by his side. It’s thanks to him that I’ve… I’ve been lucky since I was born!

[08:10]

  (Eichi walks back)

EICHI: Sorry for the wait. Here’s some miso soup. I also made some rice balls from the leftover rice~

ISSEI: That’s great! I just got hungry, too…

EICHI: Of course~ I made some for you too, Isse.

ISSEI: Really!? Thank you, Eichi.

EICHI: You’re welcome~

SHU: Alright, then. I’ll go check on how the Ama-no-Iwato Cave is doing.

EICHI: Have a safe trip~

ISSEI: Hey, Eichi… Isn’t Shu acting a bit weird today…?

ISSEI: It’s like he’s more sensitive to a lot of things…

EICHI: He has those kinds of days, too~ I do too, you know? And you and Icchi, too, don’t you?

ISSEI: I see. You’re right.

EICHI: Yep, exactly~

ISSEI: It might be weird saying this about someone older but, Shu has some cute sides sometimes, too.

ISSEI: Like when he’s troubled or at a loss, for some reason, I think that it’s cute.

EICHI: I feel you! I totally understand!

ISSEI: And also, Ichiru and Shu are kind of similar.

EICHI: Eh, really? What part?

ISSEI: The part where they’re honest with their feelings.

ISSEI: If they dislike it then, they dislike it. If it makes them happy, then it makes them happy.

ISSEI: It’s plainly shown. Though, whether they can express it easily or not is kinda different.

EICHI: Ah… I can tell!!

ISSEI: Also, they’re both the hate-to-lose types.

EICHI: Ahhh! I can totally understand that, too!

ISSEI: I guess that’s why sometimes—Really, it’s only sometimes—that I think he seems younger and—Ah.

EICHI: What’s wrong?

ISSEI: Nothing. I just remembered what I wanted to tell Shu.

ISSEI: Plus, I really just want to eat the rice ball. I think I felt better after being able to talk.

EICHI: Ah, roger~ Maybe I’ll eat with you since it’s a rare opportunity~

ISSEI: Yeah, let’s.

ISSEI: I guess I was really nervous during the event, huh.

ISSEI: Even though the lunch they prepared looked so appetizing, I couldn’t eat it all properly. No wonder Ichiru got mad.

ISSEI: Ah��Eichi, you want to see a picture of the boxed lunch?

EICHI: Yep, I wanna~ Show me.

(To be continued)

Translator’s Notes:

(1) What Eichi is referring to here relates to the cave of “Ama-no-Iwato” from the legends. In the legend, the Japanese god of storms Susano’o angered his sister Amaterasu, the goddess of the sun, by destroying her rice fields, hurling a flayed pony and killing one of her attendants. Amaterasu was angered and was stricken with so much grief that she hid herself in the Ama-no-Iwato cave, thus effectively hiding the sun from Japan. It was only during a festival with dancing and music that Amaterasu was lured out from the cave after she wanted to find out the source of excitement. 

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