#I was like 'lmao I'm gonna be the only one into this but fuck it' and then it snowballed

[p0ltus]

This tiktok comment really pissed me off so I'm gonna go on a tirade LMAO

Blaming South for "letting competition ruin the relationship of family" is such an insanely moronic take. Did you pay attention when you watched the show? Do you actually understand what was going on? Because it doesn't seem like a lot of people do.

A lot of the lore around the Freelancers is given to us through offhanded comments during longer dialog scenes, so sure, a good handful of it could've been missed on a first watch, but if you took even the shortest moment to think about these characters I cannot understand how you'd come to the conclusion "South was a bitch and it was her fault for being mad".

The Director was a manipulator. He was A BAD. PERSON. A BAD PERSON.

North and South were signed onto the project by their parents. The Director saw the opportunity to play psycho-scientist with twins and only gave one of them an AI to see what would come of it. It was an experiment. SOUTH was the experiment.

We get some tidbits here and there from North about what his life with his sister was like before they became Freelancers. 90% of this dialog suggests South has always had an inferiority complex when it comes to being compared to her brother. This has been a life long issue. This was not brought upon by Theta. It was NEVER about Theta.

For her entire life South has felt as though she'll never be as good as North and that mentality is what made her grow to be so cold and snappy. The feeling of inferiority weighing on her for that long ruined her. North was always kind to her, but we've seen this trope before both in fiction and reality.

When the person you continuously get compared to shows you unwavering kindness your brain starts telling you they're being facetious. They're fucking with you. They know they're better than you, they're just being overly warm and understanding to keep that facade up. If they're kind to the person beneath them that just makes them look better.

Even though that was never North's intention, that's clearly how South was taking it. She envied him for so long that it drove a wedge between the two. Again, it was never about the AI. It was never about being a soldier. It was about feeling inferior for your entire life because no matter what you'll always be compared to someone else. North getting Theta instead of South was an intentional decision and that was her breaking point. She is a victim.

Stop villainizing South for "letting jealousy ruin family" because this was never about JEALOUSY. It was about INFERIORITY. She didn't want what North had, she only wanted to stop feeling lesser than him. She wanted to stop being treated like the younger sibling. She thought Project Freelancer was her chance to finally show she was just as good, if not better than her brother, but The Director played right into her insecurity and that downward spiral was what got both her and her brother killed.

South. Is a victim. South is a victim.

Edit: someone reblogged this blaming North. Idk how you misinterpreted his character THAT bad but no, he is not the problem. He doesn't see South as inferior. His problem is that he still sees her as someone he needs to care for. He's not dumbing her down or implying she's not as good as him in a combat/technical sense. This is a brother who can't get it out of his head that he doesn't need to raise his sister anymore. He never implies she CAN'T BE as good as him. He does not at all consider her inferior to him/that he's better than her. Not once does he say anything to her or to anyone about her to imply that. I have no clue where that came from.

"But it didnt bother HIM" yeah. Because from his perspective he only sees Souths personal struggle, not the fact The Director is intentionally manipulating BOTH of them. He sees Souths situation as her struggling with FEELING inferior, not BEING inferior, but the problem is that The Director is INTENTIONALLY PUNISHING AND PICKING ON HER because he is trying to pin the freelancers against each other. CT has an entire scene where she confirmes this to Wash. What did you expect North to do? It was The Directors call on who got an AI. Whats he gonna do? Go tell The Director to give his sister one??? NO???? He supported her until the second he died. He NEVER saw her as inferior to him. The real issue was the fact he still loved her too much to truly let her be her own person. She expresses that exact sentiment of wanting to be "her own person" in Recovery One. Thats not "a superiority complex" from North thats called being family. He cared for her deeply and acknowledged her struggle. He did what he could. Do you really expect him to try to argue with his superior? Are you forgetting this is the military? This is not a safe space for North hate either. Both the twins were victims and deserved better.

I rewatched the saga to see where this take could've come from and if anything that rewatch only further proved my point. I'll make a separate post about that with clips probably

[nitw]

id lve to hear ur deltarune thoughts :3

fuck. ok.um. i'm. gonna try my best to summarize some of my main thoughts and key details because i'm still in "what the fuck just happened" mode

narrative stuff i'm frantically shaking around in my head and screaming and pissing my pants about:

SUSIE! PROVING ONCE AGAIN! THAT SHE IS! THE ANTITHESIS TO THE DOOMED NARRATIVE!!! SUSIE GETS IT! SUSIE WILL GET US THROUGH THIS! FUCK THE PROPHECY LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP PREVAILS FOREVER AND EVER ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!! SUSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

tenna's whole ordeal and especially his breakdown at the end telling us SOOOOOOOOO much about kris and their family life. like yeah we. we kinda knew/assumed some of this stuff already but they really spelled it out for us here. "the family's fighting again" what if the whole world exploded riught now

ralsei's mask is finally off GOOD FOR HIM........... and yet this game still insists on keeping secrets from us while dangling them right in front of our faces but i have to respect it

ralsei smiling with susie's blood smeared on his cheek is . an image i'm not going to stop thinking about anytime soon i think

HEY WHAT THE FUCK KRIS?

HEY WHAT THE FUCK CAROL??????????

asgore somehow moving up the ranks as like second or third most mysterious character in just one chapter????? awesome cool great what the hell is your problem

THERE'S A LOT OF SECRET STUFF IN CH3 THAT I REALLY NEED TO REVISIT BECAUSE I WASN'T ABLE TO FIND EVERYTHING but i know EXACTLY what they're cooking and i am. losing it.

dess.......................................

the whole section with kris on their own. god. god.

gerson cameo is the last thing i ever expected but you're telling me he materialized in the dark world only because alvin kept his memory alive and then later susie was able to bring him back through HER new memories of him? AND THE LETTER???? i'm in SHAMBLES

KNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TITAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

did you know i really like susie

cries about susie

stuff that just made me smile and giggle:

i've taken an ungodly amount of screenshots of just cute little sprite animation EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU TEMMIE

tv world was so good man. stellar music and vibes and minigames and characters and comedy and fourth wall breaks and Everything. every single time tenna said something in a stylized font i lost it

rouxls is the funniest character in the whole game i hope he dies

YURI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAOI (IMPLIED) (NICEPANTS PLOT THICKENS) (I GENUINELY DIDN'T EXPECT THIS DEVELOPMENT LMAO)

susie and kris being absolute freaks together..... at the end of the day that's really all that matters. the universe has been healed.

sans undertale cucks my mom AGAIN in the most sans undertale way imaginable 10/10 no notes peak video games

[starmocha]

I know it's caleb's moment and i'm very happy for him and that kiss and I've rewatched that trailer a lot and i saw there's a bday fic with little pilot in the works and that made me very happy but I also saw that post you made about father's day blurbs with poll

WHAT DO YOU MEAN SNOWDROP WOULD BE ONE WEEK OLD DURING ZAYNE'S FIRST FATHER'S DAY?

THAT'S TINY

THAT'S TINY TINY

OMG THAT'S BRAND NEW

why would you share that with us? HOW DO I LIVE WITH THAT INFO NOW?????

omg zayne being a brand new dad and his son literally being a brand new being

this is too much, too cute

omg I love them so much maybe i'm being dramatic and overemotional but that's too precious just way too precious that big, dear, snowman deserves the world

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Exactly.

You all have to suffer with this revelation with me!!! (•᷄- •᷅ ;)

It's so silly how the stars have aligned with this.

It started with an ask about the kiddos' star signs. I've decided Snowdrop feels like a Gemini to me, but specifically, he has to be a June Gemini, because all of the May Geminis I know IRL pisses me off lmaoooo

And then one night I woke up at 3am and just laid in bed with thoughts running in all directions at 100mph before I randomly calculated that Snowdrop could be conceived on Zayne's birthday (thus, the premise for the Snowdrop Conception Fic was born lol).

I don't want to have full control over choosing dates for the kiddos' birthdays, so I did two polls to choose Snowdrop's birthday, and June 8th won.

And since Father's Day in the US typically falls on the third Sunday...

Now, I did do some actual calculations for the conception date to verify the legitimacy of this premise... and technically, Snowdrop should be born at the end of May, but since I want it to fit with him being conceived on Zayne's birthday while also being born on June 8th, this means (lowkey spoilers alert lmao) Snowdrop has to be born after the actual due date by a little over a week. MC's gonna be overdue I'm sorry, my girl, we're going to need Zayne to induce her and fuck her into labor 😔

And since my brain is always moving, of course, the other week I finally had another revelation and realized Father's Day would be just a week after Snowdrop's birthday, hence.......... Zayne's first Father Day is celebrated just one week into fatherhood 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Even if Snowdrop is a little overdue, he is still small. So small. Tiny, even, when held by Zayne. Zayne. 6'1"/186cm tall Zayne with this tiny baby he had created with the love of his life while brat taming her on his birthday during a sex marathon.

And he is extra careful, because the baby is still so fragile and helpless. He's supporting the neck, holding the baby easily with one hand and he's just full of love and awe and gratitude as he admires his sleepy son, his heart feeling so full, just overflowing with love every time he sees the baby scrunches his nose or letting out a wide yawn.

And this all still feels so surreal, because to him, just a week ago, this baby was still in his wife's belly, but now his son is here and in his arms and they're celebrating him being a father? Unreal.

Also knowing this baby was conceived on his birthday? A special secret only he and his wife know about? He's on cloud nine.

Additional notes: in my head, Zayne still hasn't had a proper haircut in a while, so imagine him with a type of wolf cut 'do. And he's also only wearing gray joggers around the house. Because... there's a June heatwave and I, as the writer, want him shirtless. <333

and can we just appreciate that June 8th this year is also the first day for Caleb's birthday banner lmaooooooo

[wvffles]

eeeeeeeeeeeee i'm loving this series so much already !!💙

Ben’s grip tightens a fraction. “All I need is a fucking ride. That isn’t too much to ask, now is it, sweetheart?”

well ben you're not exactly asking now are you 🤠 also i do love how she's still snapping back at him, even if it's not the best idea with the temper he has 🤣

For all Vought claimed to care about diversity, your boss once commented on your “wild” hair shedding on the tile floor.

the familiarity of this made my eye twitch a little bit loll

“Where are you from, exactly?” he asks. 

oh no...

He rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean. What are you, Mexican or something?” You raise a brow, your lips pursing when he begins to smirk.   “I do like me a juicy taco,” he says. 

jesus christ ben 🤦🏽‍♀️ I actually had to take a moment to pause and take a deep breath lmfao he's just soooooooo, out of pocket sometimes like dude pls 😭

“All right. Calm down, Chiquita. You should take it as a fucking compliment,” he says. He raises a brow at you. “You’re a real spicy one, aren’t you?”

oh i'll show you spicy alright, lmfaoooo he's ridiculouss 😩😂 i'm only laughing because it's ben, and also fictional (<3) but it's wild to me how there really are people like this irl, just boggles my mind

“I’ve gotten with a few Latinas in my time,” he says as he leans back in his chair, crossing his arms as his thighs splay out a little wider in the sweatpants you let him borrow. “Always with that fuckin’ feisty little temper. But you know what, I got no problem with a hot tamale.” 

yeahhh i'd have to start cussing him out in spanish 😭 show him what a 'feisty temper' really looks like lmfao pinche cabron 🤣

“I know for a fact you can get basically whatever you want on this fucking thing within half an hour,” he says. “Do what you need to do to get some grub over here, but you’re not leaving this fucking apartment until I say so."

some of us are poor, benjamin 🤦🏽‍♀️ it really does cost an arm and a leg to get anything these days it's the worsttt :/

honestly I thought I was gonna yap some more but I realize now that i'm thinking of the whole story so far, including the next two chapters 😩😅 it's so good already !!💗

what I feel is a bit different from this story compared to your other SB stories is that in this, the reader seems a lot more civilian-like. idk if that makes sense like, in the bmd-verse I feel that given the nature of that mc's job, she was a bit more used to "combative situations" and in lost on you that mc is a supe herself, whereas in this story she's really just like, your average person working in an office, which to me adds an extra sense of like vulnerability to this dynamic.

and I mean i'm not saying she's a complete damsel in distress because she is certainly holding her own lmao, but she is being thrust into this whole new dangerous world, thanks to the unfortunate luck of working at that hellish company ;_; like poor girl just wanted to pursue her interests and stay afloat then boom, the building is crumbling and she's harboring a fugitive 😭 one with outdated morals at that ay no, pobresita 😔

+ after listening to the podcast episode I do just wanna put this out there — you're doing super well with navigating this challenging dynamic !!💙 as a fellow latina poc i’m absolutely lovinggg this and i’m excited to see how they got from point a to point b (aka lost in translation) lol <333

UNRAVEL ME - Part 1

Pairing: Soldier Boy (Ben) x Afro-Latina!Reader

Summary: In the wake of Vought Tower finally falling, you find yourself crossing paths with Soldier Boy. Rogue, weakened, dangerous, and hunted, he needs a place to hide. You’re not about to offer up your own home to shelter a supe wanted by Homelander and the CIA…but he’s also not going to let you refuse.

AN: Finallyyyyy lol. I know I've been talking about this series for months now, but it was genuinely challenging for me to write this prequel for Lost in Translation (which was requested by various Tumblr friends and anons who wanted to see Soldier Boy matched with a woman of color). I think maybe it's because this is now my third Soldier Boy series, and getting this guy to show character growth is hard to do three different times. 🤣 But let's see how it goes with another post-season 3 misadventure! 💜💙 This series also fulfills a hilarious prompt for @jacklesversebingo!

Song Inspo: “Unravel Me” by Sabrina Claudio

JVB Prompt: Accidental Old Person Acquisition

Word Count: 6K

Tags/Warnings: Angst, threats, SB being his typical asshole self, obnoxious flirting, racial elements, Ben drinks Cuban coffee, among other ethnic mini adventures in the future. The reader is a mixed-race Afro-Latina with textured hair. 

💜 Series Masterlist

💙 YouTube Playlist || Spotify Playlist

Part 1: Hot Tamale

Vought Tower is falling.

Or at least, that’s what it feels like: the ground trembling like a Magnitude 7 earthquake, overhead lights flickering, a line of rubble falling on your head as you finally manage to squeeze out of the stairwell and into the main floor's reception area. You take in a large gulp of air, breathing past the oppressive clog of warm bodies, sweat, fear, and a hint of piss.

The walls quake along with the tile floor; you spill onto it hard, hitting your knees, though you curl your fingers fast when a woman from Legal almost steps on them in her dagger heels. Fuck!

Fear and adrenaline compel you to scramble onto your feet and claw your way through the gift shop. Maybe you'll be able to cut through the aisles of overpriced Starlight plushies and Special Edition Black Noir Funko Pops to get to one of the east exits.

It's Vought’s very own 9/11. You were told to evacuate over the intercom, and now you're about to find out why.

It’s taken over an hour to try and escape. You’re still trapped in the building, obviously, caught up in the lobby. It's backed up by the clusterfuck of people squeezing themselves through the narrow exit doorways to the garage, like rats clamoring over one another to avoid extermination. Somehow they've broken through the glass to override the security protocols that had first tried to lock you all in.

Just when you make it past the display of red, white, and blue Homelander mugs, a blinding light catches your eye through the tall windows and the growing darkness of the evening. The light falls and falls, what looks like a tangled ball of red and orange and green.

It explodes into the ground, shaking the very foundations of New York City. You cling to the display table and manage to dive underneath it.

You hide there until the shaking stops.

Tears sting in your eyes as the unsteady screams of your coworkers ring out in the lobby, even though you don’t recognize most of them. You suddenly remember your boss; you lost sight of him on the way down the first five flights of stairs. You morbidly wonder if he was one of the ones who got trampled along the way, or blown off the side of the building in the crash.

When the outside world is quiet again, you crawl out from underneath the table. Everyone who still can is slowly getting to their feet, picking themselves up, some of them helping the people closest to them. You don’t know what the hell is happening, but you have a strong feeling Homelander is involved. He’s been playing at CEO for weeks, now that Stan Edgar has been deposed.

Instead of leaving out the front, you continue your plan of going through one of the east side exits. There’s a narrow alley that leads to the garage farther down. You step out into the evening light, made darker in the alley behind what’s left of the Tower. You know the metal door to the garage isn’t too far away, but before you can get to it, you see a man stumbling right toward you.

It's too dark to see him clearly, and even though you back up a couple of steps, the green of his uniform captures your attention.

“Oh my God,” you breathe. “Soldier Boy?”

He glances up at you through furrowed brows. The state of him, ragged and soot-stained, his labored breaths, and the way he’s leaning against the wall—it all tells you that he’s been through some major shit.

“Uh, a-are you okay?” you ask shakily, clutching your messenger bag.

“I’m fine,” he says, though his eyes bore into yours with an intensity that makes your spine prickle with unease.

In record time, your brain collects what little you know about the ancient relic of a supe that’s mere steps away from invading your personal space. Homelander has been calling him a rogue in the press, but even though your role at Vought barely makes you a blip on anyone’s radar, you know enough about what really holds the company together…which means you know better than to believe even one iota of what that star-spangled prick told the public. 

Your gaze flits over Soldier Boy, now with some concern despite your wariness.

“Are you hurt?” you ask.

“I said I’m fucking fine. Do I look fucking hurt?” he growls tiredly. When he tries to stand a bit straighter, he almost stumbles against the wall.

Part of you twinges with sympathy, but still, your lips purse at his attitude.

“Dude, you don’t want me to tell you what you look like,” you say.

His eyebrow twitches. He opens his mouth to retort, but that’s when a man’s voice can be heard nearby. You turn your head at the sound.

While you’re distracted, Soldier Boy grabs you with more strength than you anticipated and drags you along with him against the wall. You gasp, but he holds a dirty half-gloved hand over your mouth.

Voices begin to echo from down the other end of the alley, closer to the main road. The supe has already turned his head in that direction, but your gaze flicks there next, your eyes wide and fearful.

“I don’t need a fuckin’ doctor,” says a man. His accent is thick as hell, like a Mary Poppins chimney sweep. Cockney? He’s tall, wearing a long black coat to match his black hair. He’s also arguing with a black man and a skinny white guy. A couple of ambulances zoom by, for a moment overtaking their voices and casting their bodies in the red glow of the siren alarms.

“Considering you coughed up blood on my fucking shoes, I’m dumping you off at the nearest hospital within a mile, and then you lose my number for good. Got that, motherfucker?” says the black man. He’s just as intimidating as the other guy, if not more so, considering the way the Brit's leaning against the wall like he might keel over right there.

The skinny guy breaks the tension between them. “Look, we should go. Annie’s got Maeve, and Homelander could be circling the sky looking for us right now.”

Queen Maeve? What happened to her? She was supposed to be in rehab. Who's Annie? Oh shit. Annie January. Starlight broke Maeve out? No. I should've known that rehab story was bullshit too. Who fucking knows what actually happened there. More importantly, what's happening here?!

Your thoughts tumble into one another while your heartbeat pounds in your ears. Your breathing comes out shallower through your nose, considering the big meaty hand covering your mouth.

If Homelander's looking for these guys, then none of this little scene is good. It makes you a fucking witness. Shit...

Soldier Boy tightens his hold on your arm. Slow and quiet, he opens the door to the parking garage with his elbow, since his other hand is still locked over your mouth. He guides you in.��

“Don’t scream, or I’ll start squeezing,” he warns. At least he releases his hand from your mouth, instead, grabbing the back of your neck. “Where’s your car?” 

“Wait, come on,” you plead, your voice shaking. “Whatever you did, I don’t want to know, but I didn’t sign up to be your getaway driver.” 

Ben’s grip tightens a fraction. “All I need is a fucking ride. That isn’t too much to ask, now is it, sweetheart?”

“Depends on where you’re trying to go,” you say. But you decide that not getting snapped in half is good enough reason to lead him to your car. You rarely have cause to drive it, so it mostly just stays parked here in the garage. For once, you’re grateful that you shell out a portion of your monthly paycheck to reserve this space. 

You fish your keys out of your car and unlock the door with shaky hands. Soldier Boy watches you press the button on the small key remote with furrowed brows, but he takes it from you after forcing you in the driver’s seat, so he can enter the car on the passenger side.

The second your tiny blue Kia rumbles pitifully to life, your music blares loud enough to feel the bass in the floor. Soldier Boy smacks the radio buttons roughly until it stops.

You give him a thin smile. 

“Not a fan of Bad Bunny?” you ask.

Irritated, he grabs a hold of the small plushie swinging from your rearview mirror. He yanks it off despite your protest, nearly breaking the mirror, and stares in gruff bewilderment at the white fluffy heart. It has a Dominican flag embroidered on the front and a Cuban flag on the back—custom made on Etsy.

The supe raises a brow, but he dismissively tosses it somewhere in the back seat. When you look at his grumpy face, he just reminds you of Oscar the Grouch. He reaches down and shifts the seat back, but he barely has any leg room for those thunder thighs and combat boots.

“Just fucking drive,” he says, his voice like sharp gravel.

Again, your annoyance sparks at his rudeness. Are all supes assholes, or is it just the ones you’re forced to interact with?

“Okay, but where the hell do you want me to take you?” you ask. “The subway? The airport? The Hudson River? What?”

He thinks about it, drumming his fingers against his leg. His uniform is a bit poppier than military green, yet more classic than Homelander’s with the stretch of that silver-plated eagle across the chest. 

“Too many eyes at the airport. I need to lie low for a while before I get outta dodge,” Soldier Boy admits. Then he sits back in your passenger seat, adjusting the recline until his broad frame is below the view of the window. You think it’s both for his own comfort and so he’s less likely to be seen. 

“Your place should be all right,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest.

Your mouth falls open in shock. “Are you for real?” 

He just gives you a stern look. He’s not fucking kidding.

“Look, you may be a superhero and all, but I don’t fucking know you! And…” Just then, clarity strikes you as you remember what’s been going on in the news for the past week. “Didn’t, uh, didn’t you…blow up a building in Midtown?”

He doesn’t seem to want to answer at first, leveling you with that stoic, bearded face. His gaze eventually drifts away from yours. 

“That was an accident.” 

Your breath gets caught in your throat. “That’s a pretty big accident.”

Again, Soldier Boy doesn’t answer you. You try to focus on the road, but it’s pretty impossible when you have a supe that’s supposedly risen from the dead in your passenger seat, who also exploded 19 people on accident, who tried and failed to kill Homelander.

Speaking of, Homelander himself is looking for this guy…which means you’re helping a fugitive escape. What’s worse, he wants to crash on your goddamn couch.

One of your hands leaves the steering wheel to cover your mouth. You press your hand there until the mix-match of gold and silver rings start to bite into the sensitive flesh of your lower lip. 

“Coño su madre,” you mutter the curse under your breath. I’m so fucking screwed.  

You unlock the door to your third-floor apartment with a heavy sigh. As usual, it gets stuck the first time you try to swing it open. You throw a little more strength in your arm the second time, and the door finally budges. 

You flick the lights on inside and unveil the shoebox that is your home. It’s barely a one-bedroom. The open kitchen lies to the right with a small two-seater table nestled against the wall, while the “living room” lies to the left. There you managed to fit a faded violet loveseat couch from your college days, a bookshelf from Goodwill, and your TV perched on what’s supposed to be a coffee table.

Straight ahead is a narrow hall that leads to your bedroom door on the right side and the one and only bathroom on the other. 

Well, this is gonna be fun. Slumber party with America’s Most Wanted, you think, with no small amount of Jesus fucking Christ weighing your steps.

Soldier Boy’s broad shoulders barely clear the open doorway. He shuts and locks the door behind him and takes stock of your apartment with a slow turn of his head. He doesn’t seem impressed, except for the paintings, funky ‘60s style shelves, and other canvases decorating the walls.

“You some kind of artist?” he asks, giving a cursory glance to each one.

“Uh, yeah, kinda,” you nod. “But most of these aren’t mine.”

On every wall, there’s a cluster of art, from canvases to pottery, glass, burnished clay, and brass. There are replicas of paintings by Salvador Dalí and Frida Kahlo, Picasso and Basquiat, Monet and Amelia Peláez, even a sculpture of a woman that you tried to replicate from Ana Mendieta. It’s meant to represent the suffering of women. Hell if today doesn’t qualify.

You toss your messenger bag onto the couch and throw up your arms at your sides.

“Well, since the police, Homelander, and probably the rest of the government are looking for you, you should do the whole ‘get outta dodge’ thing in the morning,” you say. You clasp your hands together in the facsimile of a prayer and politeness all in one. “But if you really wanna spend a night on my couch, then that’s okay.”

We’ll get through this. Just one night of insanity and then this’ll all be over. 

“That bed looks big enough for two,” the supe says. He nods at your open bedroom door and smiles suggestively, his gaze roaming over your form.

You get that shiver down your spine again, even as you blush. You take a pointed step away from him.

“Uh, how about fucking no,” you snap. “That door will be locked, and I have a taser that I’m not afraid to use on any tender bits.”

He raises a brow at you, but he snorts. He steps toward you, his gait slow and arrogant. You cross your arms while he closes the distance, his hair falling forward across his forehead as he stares down at you with a hint of a sneer. His chin and forehead are still stained with grime, just as his red gloves are scuffed and half burnt from whatever happened in that blast.

Your heart trips up faster. A tremble of fear runs through you, but you refuse to move.

“You do realize that that’s tantamount to flicking me with a rubber band,” he says. His half-lidded gaze runs over you with a note of interest. The corner of his mouth raises in a smirk. “Besides, whatever we might get up to, I can guarantee you’ll enjoy it. Just ask Loni Anderson. Farrah Fawcett. Hell, Molly Ringwald. Love me a fuckin’ redhead once in a while.”

You give him a look that could (proverbially) crumble Empire State.

“Don’t fucking bet on it,” you say.

Yes, your voice is quiet. Yes, you have to work past a swallow. But you don’t ever drop your gaze. You meet him head-on with every bit of stubborn fire you have left inside you.

“If you touch me, I’ll scream," you say, a wary trembling in your chest. "Even if you kill me, they’ll find you that much quicker.”

His smirk falls away. His gaze roams over you again, this time in a different way. Maybe he sees the way your entire body is tense, locked up tight, prepared to recoil and scream if he tries to grab at you. He relents.

“Christ, relax. It’s your fucking loss anyway, sweetheart.” His eyes roll dismissively as he turns away from you. “I need a shower.”

He strides down the hall in search of it. You move quickly to get ahead of him. The last thing you need is him rifling through your bedroom drawers.

“Ah, wait! I’ll get you a towel,” you say. It irritates you to have to treat him like a “guest,” but you don’t know what else to do. The man can literally snap your neck. Even for that big ass bluff you just pulled, you really, really don’t want to die.

You could try calling the police while he’s in the shower, but you don’t know what he’ll do if he finds out. And who’s gonna be quicker on the draw—the human police force, or the literal super soldier?

No, it’ll be more painless to just wait this guy out and see him off in the morning. For now, he doesn’t seem inclined to hurt you. He even took a rejection of you “sleeping” with him pretty well, for a supe. They tend to think they're God’s gifts to humanity. Working at Vought, you’ve been propositioned more than enough times. Though God forbid you say no for a ride on their magical dick. You’d rather not jump on that potential steel trap. You know a guy in Marketing who had his happy place literally frozen and chipped off.

After finding a fresh towel for Soldier Boy, he shuts himself in the lone bathroom across from your room. Soon, the old pipes roar to life. You retreat into your room for a long, slow breath. It’s less steadying than you’d hoped.

You also shut and lock the bedroom door behind you, for whatever good that might do you. 

Not much, you realize warily. 

You sink your fingers into your hair and blow out a sigh of frustration. What even is my fucking life right now?

Tugging on the knotted curls, you loosen them from the bun you wrapped tightly this morning. For all Vought claimed to care about diversity, your boss once commented on your “wild” hair shedding on the tile floor. 

Taking in a few deep, yoga-style breaths before you lose your shit, you dig into the recesses of your closet and dresser drawers. Your most recent ex had left at least one shirt, maybe a pair of boxers. Soldier Boy will have to make do with your favorite sweatpants. They’re stretched out enough from years of wear and washes that they’ll probably fit him. 

Juuuuust great. You're really contemplating this asshole wearing your clothes.

By the time you gather your bearings, shove your soul back into your body and leave your room, Soldier Boy is exiting the bathroom, the fluffy purple towel slung low around his hips. 

“Jesus!” You jolt and instinctively step back. There’s nowhere far to go in the hallway, so your ass ends up bumping against the hollow wall. 

Once again, he wears a smug sort of smile as he stares down at you in amusement. 

“Like what you see, huh, baby doll?”

“Put your tits away, please,” you snap, handing him the bundle of clothing while trying not to look at him directly. You can’t help glancing at his muscular frame out of the corner of your eye. 

Good lord, it’s like he was chiseled from marble. Make that marble with a golden tan, and a patch of hair across his chest that you could run your nails through.

His lips curve with a cockier smile. You quickly look away.

Great. He caught you ogling for one tiny second. And with that moment of human weakness, all that strong talk you accomplished earlier had probably just withered away into nothing. Is he going to take that as an invitation to slide into bed with you tonight while you’re trying to sleep?

Yeeeah. Who the hell are you kidding? You’re going to tape your own eyes open if you have to, but you’re not dropping your guard around this guy. He doesn’t seem to actually want to hurt you. He wants to use you for convenience’s sake. But it doesn’t change the fact that he’s dangerous, hunted, arrogant as fuck, and weirdly horny for a guy who just threw himself off a building.

Subtly clearing your throat, you move past him to the living room. There you set up the couch for him to sleep on. He ventures back into the bathroom to get dressed, which gives you a small break. You’re mentally counting the seconds. 

He comes back somewhat fully dressed. The shirt is a bit small for him, as are the boxer shorts. 

“Christ, who did this belong to, a fucking eunuch?” Soldier Boy asks. “Tell me you’ve got a brother. Because if this was your boyfriend’s, then he wasn’t doing shit for you, sweetheart.”

You begin to blush on reflex, shooting him a steely glare. Those clothes did belong to your ex, but that’s none of his damn business. 

“As promised, here’s the couch,” you gesture to the neatly fitted sheets, blankets, and even a fluffy(ish) pillow you so generously laid out for him. “Again, I will be locking my bedroom door, and if you make even a step in that direction, prepare to get tased in the dick. It’s already set on the max setting.”

Soldier Boy smirks. You fail to see how what you’ve said is in any way funny. You’re definitely not laughing, but you do blink in surprise when he takes your hand and brings the back of it to his lips for a kiss. His beard briefly rasps against your skin. He looks down at you, meeting your eyes with his own. The green in them makes you falter. 

“Believe it or not, I appreciate the help,” he says, turning on the charm. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

Your lips purse. Does he really think hitting you with that Brad Pitt tone of voice is going to work on you? He fucking kidnapped you, and not to mention, is currently holding you on house arrest.

“Oh, now you want to know my name? After conning me into being your Uber driver and your Airbnb in one?” You try to slip your hand out of his, but his grip tightens. He’s still smiling, amused by your struggle. 

“Come on, what’s your name?” he cajoles.

You sigh. Despite your better judgment, you give it to him begrudgingly.

"What's yours?" you ask, mostly drenched in sarcasm. Though a small part of you is...curious.

He stares back at you for a moment, something almost like surprise flicking through his gaze. His lips twitch at the corners, wry and humorless.

"Ben," he says, finally letting go of your hand.

“Okay, cool. So nice to meet you, uh, Ben," you reply, gesturing at his overall form. You still can't believe he's standing here like an iron lamppost in your living room. Are you about to step into the portal to Narnia now and continue this fever dream, or fall straight down to hell?

"All right, mind if I go now?" you say, crossing your arms as the snark escapes its cage. "I’ve had a bitch of a day and I need my beauty sleep."

Ben raises a brow.

Shit. You bite your lip.

Okay, you know you’re being a bit too hostile to a man who can all too easily snap you in half, but he’s got this way of pushing every single one of your buttons at once. Not in a good way. In the wish I could fucking scratch your eyes out kind of a way.

You're frankly lucky that Soldier Boy just seems amused by your attitude. Silly woman with her silly fits of belligerence.

His green-eyed gaze slides from the curve of your jean-clad thighs to your hips, over your breasts concealed by a red blouse, and finally up to your chin, your lips, your eyes. You can’t help the way your skin tingles at his scrutiny, even as you frown.

“From where I’m standing, sleep isn’t what you need,” he says. He somehow manages to sound both flattering and suggestive. 

Your face flares hotter, and your lips press tightly together.

“Sweet dreams, Soldier Boy,” you say, somewhat sarcastically as you head back to your room. You intend to grab your pajamas and take them with you into the bathroom. You’re going to have to bring your taser and lock yourself in there for a shower, even with the obvious safety hazard. What-fucking-ever at this point, as long as it keeps out Hungry Like the Wolf out there. But his reply makes you pause. 

He snorts. “Good night, sweetheart.” 

You turn to look at him over your shoulder. He spares you one final look, less arrogant and more taciturn, before he turns away and lowers himself down onto the couch.

You sigh, but you can’t help peeking around the corner at the supe sitting in your living room. His broad frame takes up the entire center of the little couch. You’re not all that sure he’s going to be comfortable there, since his long legs are definitely not going to fit across the loveseat, but he’s going to have to deal with it until tomorrow. 

You watch him rest his elbows above his knees and blow out a long, tired breath. He raises a hand to rub between his furrowed brows. For a long beat, he just stares vacantly at the floor between his knees. 

Then he leans back against the couch, crosses his arms, and closes his eyes. He seems…lost. Exhausted.

You wonder if he has anyone in his life worth getting back to. Anyone at all.

Shaking your head, you quietly make your way back to your room.

Ben finds himself watching you the next morning. He sits at the two-seater table while you putter about in the kitchen.

You’re cute, he has to admit, all sleepy and barely awake as you slide around in your fuzzy red slippers. A large Knicks shirt hangs off your body, exposing one smooth shoulder. Your sweatpants are overlarge as well, which only makes him think about the generous curves you’ve got hiding underneath. He took notice yesterday. You had a lot to work with under that little blouse, jeans, and chunky heels.   

Yesterday you were put together, even though you’d clearly had a rough time escaping the Tower. Today you've slunk out of your room with baggy pajamas, your hair a mess of curls running down your back. 

“Want a cafecito?” you ask.

Ben raises a brow. “If you mean coffee, then that’d be good. Something hot to eat would be even better.”

“First of all, this isn’t a bed and breakfast,” you say, turning to him with an edge to your voice. “Look, I’m exhausted. There’s a bakery down the street. I can pick something up.” 

As a matter of fact, your favorite Colombian bakery is right around the corner. You start thinking about all the pastries you’re going to treat yourself with, even though it does make you miss the Cuban bakeries back home. You would absolutely kill for an empanada with guava and cheese right now. 

Instead of cold-blooded murder, you set the tiny espresso cup of coffee in front of Ben. His face shifts to confusion and bewilderment. 

“I asked for a cup of coffee, black, not this baby doll tea set cup of coffee,” he says. 

“It’s a Cuban espresso,” you inform him. “And believe me, you don’t want it any bigger than that.”

Unless he just wants to spend the rest of the day on the toilet. Maybe he needs to clean out his system. 

“Just try it,” you encourage. “I think you’ll like it.” 

He eyes you with skepticism, but he takes a sip.

It’s sweet, but the rich, robust taste hits him between the eyes. His brows raise high.

“Okay,” he says with a growing smile. “I see what you mean.”

“See? Now you don’t gotta doubt me again,” you nod. He watches you pour one for yourself, stirring in a frankly alarming spoonful of sugar. 

“Where are you from, exactly?” he asks. 

You glance over at him, taking issue with the way he asks the question. 

“New York,” you respond tartly. You're really from Miami, but he doesn't need to know that.

He rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean. What are you, Mexican or something?”

You raise a brow, your lips pursing when he begins to smirk.  

“I do like me a juicy taco,” he says. 

His slutty grin is too much for you. Your hand tightens around your coffee cup.

“Okay, a lot to unpack there, Romeo, but no. Not all of us are Mexican!” 

“All right. Calm down, Chiquita. You should take it as a fucking compliment,” he says. He raises a brow at you. “You’re a real spicy one, aren’t you?”

You gape incredulously. “Excuse me?” 

Chiquita?! What the hell is that? Is he saying you look like a goddamn banana, or does he actually know a few words in Spanish? Is he actually calling you a little girl? And for the cherry on top, did he really just call you spicy?!

Either way, he’s about to get slapped across his pig-man mouth. 

“I’ve gotten with a few Latinas in my time,” he says as he leans back in his chair, crossing his arms as his thighs splay out a little wider in the sweatpants you let him borrow. “Always with that fuckin’ feisty little temper. But you know what, I got no problem with a hot tamale.” 

“Oooh.” The sound is pure and unadulterated FED UP. You down your espresso like a shot. You’re already contemplating another dose, because you don’t have the energy for this.

But you’re also reminded then, that this man came to fame in the 1940s. He was born, what, before the damn Dust Bowl and the Great Depression? He’s literally an ancient relic, a walking black and white billboard of tóxico, and he acts like one too. 

You fairly slam your ceramic cup on the dining table as you slide into the seat across from him. 

“Just so we don’t have any more conversations like this in the future, here it goes,” you say with a sharp sigh. “My mom is Cuban. My dad is black and Dominican. I’m as mixed as it gets, but I’m in no way spicy. If you’ve got me mad fucking tight right now, it’s because you clearly have no idea what decade you’re in.”

Your insult strikes a nerve, making his eyebrow twitch. Soon, however, his lips curve. 

“I’ve got you tight, huh?” he says, cocking his head. A lock of his hair falls roguishly across his brow. “Gotta say, wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had that effect on a woman.” 

You freeze, another hot blush burning in your cheeks. You can feel it making its way down your neck. “That’s…that’s not what you think it means.”

His lazy, arrogant, salacious smirk really makes you want to slap him, but you have a feeling that it’ll hurt you way more than it would hurt him. You get up from the table and ignore the loud scrape of the chair on tile.

“You know what? Forget it! I’m hungry. Don’t follow me.”

You go back to your room and lock the door behind you. You come back out a few minutes later dressed in what he thinks is your way of teasing him—in some ass-hugging jeans and a shirt that clings to your form. Ben watches you cross the room, smiling at the way you give him some narrowed side-eye while twisting your hair up into a wild ponytail. It’s a simple thing women do that’s always attracted him for some reason.

He also likes the shade of red you painted on your lips. 

“You are a feisty little thing,” he remarks, sipping his espresso. “Can’t say I mind.”

“Good. Stay here,” you hotly retort. Or better yet, get the FUCK out of my apartment.

You don’t say that last bit out loud, but he can read it loud and clear in your eyes, filled with that Latina fire. He remembers it all too well.

He grabs your wrist before you slip by him though. He hears the way your breath hitches, your gaze snapping down to meet his. You manage to hide most of your fear.

Maybe it makes some part of him twinge, deep down. You don’t know that he mostly finds you amusing. That he’d rather not hurt you, considering you don’t pose even one fraction of a threat to him. That like it or not, he needs to stay in your rathole apartment until he can figure out how to get out of the city unseen, let alone out of the country.

“You think I’m fucking stupid?” he asks.

You say nothing, but the look on your face tells him what you want to say. His eyes narrow.

“You’re not leaving,” he says.

“Well, I’m not cooking,” you counter. “There’s nothing to cook—”

“Order a damn delivery.”

“You know how expensive that is? Between delivery fee and tipping nowadays, Doordash charges a whole other meal on top of the meal! UberEats isn’t much better. Plus, none of the good places around here deliver like that. Not for breakfast at least. And anyway, I really need to go grocery shopping. What do you expect me to do, open a can of tuna and a jar of olives for breakfast?”

Ben’s not going to pretend he knows what the fuck you’re talking about, but his patience is running out.

“All right, enough. Give me your uh, your phone,” he demands. His tone gains an edge, a warning.

You expel an irritated huff, but you reach into your purse and all but slam it on the kitchen table. He takes it and examines it with some curiosity, but mostly, he retains his stoicism.

“I know for a fact you can get basically whatever you want on this fucking thing within half an hour,” he says. “Do what you need to do to get some grub over here, but you’re not leaving this fucking apartment until I say so."

He raises his brows and meets your eyes in a not so subtle warning.

"Just so you know, I've got a sharper ear than you think," he adds. "If you get stupid and try making a call for help, it's gonna be the last thing you fucking do. You understand me?”

Your teeth grind together, but ultimately, your sense of self-preservation reminds you not to poke the bear anymore. You force your anger and fear to dim to embers beneath your skin, and you nod in agreement. You then lower your gaze, waiting for him to let you go.

When he does, you slip away from him as soon as possible, taking your phone as you go.

For what it’s worth, you lock the bedroom door behind you. 

AN: Aaaand we're off! lol Did you expect him to basically force her into house arrest? 😅 We're gonna have some fun on this one, but there's also going to be a fair bit of action and slow-burn moments.~

Next Time:

You suddenly stand from the table, your chair scraping across the floor. You can tell the sound irritates his sharp ear as he glances up at you with a frown.

“You are a goddamn fugitive. You get that right?” you say, regarding him with an incredulous tilt of your head. “Now you’ve hooked me into this. I could get into serious shit because of you, and you don’t even seem to care! What…what kind of fucking superhero are you supposed to be?”

At the same time, you don’t know why this surprises you. Most of the supes you’ve met couldn't care less about the average person. The entire purpose of Vought’s Legal Department springs to mind.

Still, you thought America’s first supe ever—the one who supposedly fought in WWII, pounded Nazis up the ass, and represented the ideals this country was supposed to be founded on—might actually give a shit. Yet again, it stings to be proven wrong.

Ben’s expression had been verging on apathy, but now, he’s irritated and angry. He pushes back from the table and stands up to his full height. Even wearing your ex’s plain gray crew shirt and some threadbare sweatpants, the man’s frame is intimidating. He makes slow steps closer until he’s looming over you.

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Soldier Boy Masterlist

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Soldier Boy Tag List (Part 1)

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[noddytheornithopod]

Phineas and Ferb Season 5A Initial Reactions

Yep, we're here. And Disney+ (regrettably) is dropping the entire first half of the season on the platform. So I'm gonna post my episode reactions here. I'm gonna try and keep things short and snappy, not only because I know I could EASILY get carried away breaking things down (I'm gonna try and do those later however), but because I wanna see these new episodes! Curse you binge model!

Cloudy With a Chance of Mom

I've already talked about Summer Block Buster since it released earlier, so I'm gonna jump right to this, and at most acknowledge it in relation to this being the second half of that story.

"Miss it and my future mother in law is gone forever" I ACTUALLY SQUEALED

Also Monogram accidentally helping Doof lol

Oh yeah Kyle Menke storyboarding this big opener, not surprised. Think the other boarders are new, Chris Ybarra the director did storyboards on MML tho!

Well that was fucking awesome. Big explosive opener, lots of funny moments but also a surprising amount of proper pathos even as we're looking at such an absurd situation with Linda being vaporised meaning the literal vapour that was Linda's remains condensed into a cloud. Doof I guess never tested it on anything living, lol. Funniest parts were Baljeet trying to show off constantly and Doof getting his new plan from Monogram. Loved that everyone got their moment here, even Irving got a sweet moment at the end where Candace hugged him and asked him to take this year's family picture! Even Perry helped saved Linda too! And this year's picture isn't just the family but all of their friends too!!!!! God I love this show. Animation for the most part was good, any issues are just nitpicks/adjusting to Snipple... that being said, I think someone forgot to animate Baljeet in the group hug with Linda, because he's just standing there, and Isabella is hugging just him even though I feel like it's meant to be her participating in a group hug? Uh, win for Isajeet shippers, I guess? :P But gosh what a start, if this is a showcase of what we're getting then bring it on!

Submarine Sandwich Submarine

Okay the modified title sequence is a little tacky, the old animation with the edits to Phin's shirt and the updated voice lines are kind of jarring. Do think it's kind of neat the images at the end are upcoming eps this season instead of Season 4's though, kind of a nice tease of what's come.

Is bread bowl hot tub gonna be a running gag for a few eps

Also they animated Isa's entrance so well, so cute and flirty, feels almost like a callback to her OG entrance in Rollercoaster

wow has isabella been saving buford's ass a lot lately, to the point buford seems to call her "little miss safety patch", wonder if this is an allusion to time between summers or just general backstory

someone had fun storyboarding those filters

So first regular ep, wasn't super extraordinary but I still enjoyed it! Many nice gags that got genuine laughs out of me, and definitely a wild time for Candace, that's for sure. IDK how they got in and out of the Mariana Trench so fast, but it's a cartoon. :P The safety thing was kinda random but it does make sense, Isabella knows how to be safe BECAUSE she regularly does dangerous shit, Buford just wants to rush in without thinking (and again, if the patch thing was literal, love the implication of stuff between Summers). Don't have much to say on the B plot besides there being some pretty funny moments and a few neat interactions.

Also, first ep from new writer Oscar Lemus, co-written with PnF regular Joshua Pruett! I'm sure the giant fish was Josh's idea, lol. Director is James Kim, who storyboarded on MML. One new boarder, but also Wendy Grieb who was on OG PnF.

License to Bust

SHE'S 16! I meant that in a celebratory tone, I'm not yelling at people hitting on Candace. :v

"of course geckos don't have springs so we added that part" i don't think their feet stick in the way you made them either lmao

buff monogram... and it's real????

the hair swap is gonna last the whole episode lol

wait were they gonna just leave the gecko gear there

That was also pretty neat! Again, nothing too extraordinary or outstanding, but it's classic PnF, which is great to see! Lots of really funny moments here, love the gecko gear, love that the driving instructor (Brian?) not only was super impressed with Candace but actually related to her (also wow, his sisters seem way nastier than PnF if they're mocking him)? Song is probably gonna grow on me too. Nice to have Kim Roberson back too, she's been on the show since Season 1 and well there's a reason they had her around for so long! Doof plot had fun moments, also kinda funny that Doof actually did something good by driving that pregnant woman to the hospital. Good guy Doof is still around in there! Also lol, guess another ice-cream fell out of the air once Buford was satisifed with his pork.

Dry Another Day

lol the show is now rated PG in Australia, scaryyyyyy

"futility for teens" candace is sisyphus

candace's scream at the tortoise sounded like a bird squawk omg

oh shit perry swamp UP the oil

huh another inator that dries things like moon farm, tho this is for drying and that was dehydrating

So that was neat! Don't have too much to say but Doof's plot was pretty out there, the ice luge was pretty unique, and there were many pretty funny moments. Also, first Danny Jacob song? Also not sure if all the swimsuits for the kids are returning, I think at least Phineas had orange shorts vs blue ones.

Also, first ep from Sunny Karnan! He definitely has a hang of the PnF style, I'll say that!

Oh yeah, first Stacy speaking appearance! Now we just need Jeremy.

Deconstructing Doof

was that a platypus controlling me reference

WAIT THAT WAS THE ORIGINAL PHINEAS DRAWING ON SHAMAI'S BOARD

HMM... well that was interesting! Definitely one I'm going to be eager to revisit. Less laugh out loud, but Dr Shamai's performance alone carried so much humour to it. Shamai himself was a really memorable one off character, the idea of an outside perspective realising what's going on and they basically become obsessed with it only to be driven mad when the truth can't be exposed is... wild. The songs were neat too, especially the therapy one. The hype for this ep was worth it. A little confused about some of the timeline implied by the first song, like is therapy only talking about last Summer, or this one too? But yeah, lots of really neat moments (I love that Baljeet was surprisingly close to getting Candace's whole deal, he's not exact but he's on the right track... also Ferb saying nothing in the interview, lol), and a very unique protagonist in Shamai (I keep writing Shumai cuz of a Danganronpa ship thing where that's a character's nickname given by the other person lol). The disco looks were cute too when that showed up. Also this ep is unique for showing stuff from an extended period of time. But yeah, very unique premise that shows there's still more things that can be done with this wild show.

First ep from Olivia Olson! Also written with her dad Martin, which doesn't surprise me.

Before I forget - neat how we still have the old style credits instead of the slide show thing MML and HaG does. Still yet to get a unique scene but hey replaying the songs is always nice.

Tropey McTropeface

wait is this the same heatwave featured in dry another day, is this an ongoing thing like bread bowl hot tub

"animation is so easy"

linda implying she'd be angry and pnf for tropey oof

were the van stomms flossing

also wondered if the parents were separated, nah i think they just argue a lot, and both sides look like buf lol

the news guy is the umbrella thief????

zoetrope god??????

isabella was clearly looking to having that ferris wheel ride with phin, the weird zoetrope ferris whell romance definitely set the mood

WAIT THE ZOETROPE AND FERRIS WHEEL REPRODUCED??????

Well... that was something. Is Scott now just writing shitposts? First giant mum cloud, now a zoetrope that isn't sentient but maybe actually is, Schrodinger's sentience? Anyway... yeah, that was certainly something alright. A zoetrope going on an adventure and having a romance with a ferris wheel while somehow becoming everyone's hero and everyone loves him. The self insert Phineas and Ferb fanfiction... from a zoetrope. Very cool unique.

Biblio-Blast!

ISABELLA JUST STEALS THE MINI PHIN IN A TUX FOR HERSELF LOL

AND BALJEET SAYS IT SHOULD BE ON A WEDDING CAKE, NO WONDER ISA YOINKED IT

"why would we need perry to build a bookcase?"

posh isabella

ferbenstein is a book

baljeet ain't falling for buford not liking reading when he disses kafka lol

wait is vanessa vegan now

"i'll put you in the NICE senior care facility"

Well that was a fun one. Josh clearly wanted to show off a love of books and reading. Lots of funny moments and weird goofy Doof plants. Surprised there was no direct callback to eg Pharmacists or something. The Doof plants singing is weirdly catchy. Not much else to say, I enjoyed it a lot! ...okay, fine, they seemed to like putting Phineas and Isabella together quite a bit, lol.

A Chip to the Vet

finally jeremy... credits don't specify who plays him tho

"protagonising"

okay the queer buford fans are gonna love the jeremy bit

screaming goat???

Feral Ferb????

Well that was neat! Glad this episode built exactly on the premise it sets up. Only thing I think wasn't necessary was the Phineas scene where he declines Perry being chipped, I feel like that didn't make too much sense (unless you wanna read into it and it's him subconsciously remembering Agent P but that's another story). The stuff was Candace was funny, the pet wash was cute with a neat song, and Perry outsmarting Doof was very cool and amusing.

More Than an Intern

lol the budget being blown on lair entrances

was that fuckin anton ego from ratatouille

oh he's just a screenwriter who happens to have notes

FERB'S DOUBLE LIFE IS AS A FOOD CRITIC????

wait random but is evil for extra credit based on the regular carl theme? hearing the remixes here made me wonder

love the weird girl who seems to like the fish lol (Brittany?)

"i have an engineering degree" rough, between this and carl working multiple jobs and an unpaid internship uhh yeah

dan and swampy, lindana AND love handel pizza

yay for using cute phinabella as a screen wipe

I liked this one a lot! I don't talk about it as much but I enjoy Carl a lot, so getting an episode focused on him was really neat. Guy really is working his ass off, poor dude. Monogram at least pays him for the pizza and says he'll validate his parking? So Monogram's still being shit, but he's giving Carl breadcrumbs... it's something. I really loved Tyler Mann's speech at the end, like you could really feel for Carl there. He really is just only sticking with the unpaid internship because he's that passionate about the job. But yeah, especially with stuff like worsening cost of living, I think Carl's story is gonna be very relatable to many. The bit with the kids play cross continental lacrosse was neat too, IDK if the people in Kilimanjaro were the same ones as Save Summer but I do love how this kinda lowkey expands the world they have regardless.

Wait, is Sunny a fan of the farmer and his wife bit? They've shown up in both of his eps lol. Also, bread bowl hot tub is definitely building to something, it's gonna save the day in a pivotal episode or some shit, isn't it?

The Aurora Perry-Alis

oh hey, derek thompson is back

AAAAAAA PERRY AND STACY HANGING OUT... i literally had to stop myself from screaming

HA STACY IS BEING PAID TOO, GIRL GOT LUCKY

MONTY'S BACK

did vanessa basically ghost monty

oh vore time

"it's not my pet, we have a complicated relationship"

are the clowns dating

Okay this one was actually really good! Phineas and Ferb doing stuff was a thing, but the standout was the B plot stuff for sure, with Doof and Perry going on their weird shrunken down adventure, and Vanessa and Monty being addressed. So they seem like an on again, off again thing, I guess? Vanessa evidently got tired of the whole gimmick hence the ghosting, but yeah. Do kinda wish Vanessa had more to say on her dad trying to be good but being evil but oh well. XP Also... Stacy and Perry bonding. Love it.

Lord of the Firesides

oh god i'm actually here time to see what's going on finally

wow those girls are serious about their cupcakes

not doof's bday yet if he's still 47

"he's more of a frenemy but our boundaries are fluid"

uh oh phineas is what makes isabella finally snap

OH NO PHINEAS IS SHOWING UP

"i guess girls do mature faster than boys" what does that even mean omg

omg the drum is isabella, rip

SON OF A PATCH

they keep cutting away from the fighting omg

IT WAS AN INATOR THE WHOLE TIME, AND IT WAS THE FUCKING PIGEON'S FAULT

oh many returning voice actors, neat

the hug with gretchen at the end aww

Lol little Melissa still being crazy

WOW THAT WAS SOMETHING ALRIGHT. Honestly, it might just be my personal investment in Isabella, but wow, this was something. Surprisingly tense. Like you knew SOMETHING was wrong, but you couldn't pinpoint what, but then everything just descends into further chaos as Isabella is the only one staying level headed... until even her limits are tested. Okay, the Doof stuff was fun and cute with Perry tagging along. But yeah... Fireside Girl chaos. They had no goal, they just wanted to be chaotic and follow their own interest. Kinda reminds me of "The Giggle" in Doctor Who (also rip using anarchy as a perjorative, actual anarchists believe in genuine cooperation). What I have to mention though is... Isabella didn't give in to the effects until very late. I definitely would love to hear if there's a specific reason why she managed to hold onto her sanity the longest, but my personal take is that she just has the strongest will, especially having to run the troop and all. But of course, even she has limits and can't fight this force forever... making fun of Phineas definitely seemed like one of the breaking points (she even recognised she wasn't feeling herself), but also damaging the Fireside Girl book was probably the final straw, given this is what she devotes herself to so much being treated so flippantly. Any will to hold on to being a rational leader was then gone, so time to duke it out. Gosh, I hope Phineas and Ferb have a chill time when they come back over. But yeah, the cute sweet but tough girls who always work together being made to embrace discord... this was begging to happen at some point, lol.

Also Oscar Lemus' first solo episode... what an impression to make.

The Candace Suit

oh back to the normal intro... but the voice lines are still updated, lol

oh a mysterious force namedrop

"we have breaks?"

buford all dressed up omg

BALJEET IS IN ON IT

oh yeah the dark lighting in some of these eps looks a lil weird, like this and the carl one

so he has a lot of candace... but even more of baljeet, WOW shippers are gonna go crazy

"it's nice to be appreciated" heh phineas looking for validation for once... and specifically from isabella... shipper brain shut up for now lol

wow isabella being mean over ducky momo, cancelled :v

ok what is even happening

they agree to put them on, and phin and isa in sync when agreeing to ferb hehe

pnf sharing a suit heh

wait is that one candace suit gonna come back later omg

Well uh... that was something. Very weird episode, I'll say that much, lol. I think my brain is getting scrambled from all this so apologies if I'm less coherent now. Phineas looking for compliments from Isabella is cute, though definitely something new, lol. Nice to see Candace and Stacy team up with Buford and Baljeet for a bit. Doof plot wasn't much overall. Candace suits are weird and creepy. Isabella thinks Ducky Momo is cringe, boo. Cliffhanger?

Agent T (For Teen)

stacy cow noise wtf

Uruguay??? In the Stacy ep???

monogram 4th wall break

pnf winning everything omg

stacy be kinda badass tho

doof accepting a beating cuz he didn't realise it would be this dangerous lol

stacy's 16, so it's been her birthday hehe

BOOO DISNEY+ SHRINKS THE EP DURING THE CREDITS (it's candace suit creepy baljeet room anyway but lol)

Okay that was awesome. Honestly so happy for Stacy, she's finally finding her own purpose in life. Honestly love that she's pretty badass but in such a mundane normal way. Love the friendship she has growing with Perry, like honestly it's like she could almost even be like a sidekick to him or something. Love that Stacy was even accepted as basically an agent too! Yay for Stacy!

The Haberdasher

"oh, it's just you" SAVAGE ISABELLA

rip hot tub

Baljeet: "and Ferb" WOW THEY ARE NOT HOLDING BACK TODAY

shouldn't it be more than 104 after the new summer started linda, also another rip to dan's claim that they do more than one thing a day

baljeet is so done with isabella forgetting ferb lol, tho he does kinda smirk at her when she corrects herself lmao, even buford raises an eyebrow

hey alan cumming is mad hatter willy wonka guy

eww proboscis

isabella has a candace moment hehe

Okay this was another really good one. I know Josh had this idea for a while, so nice to see him realise that. Moth Doof is gross. Haberdasher is a neat guest character. Enjoyed PnF's friends try to do something without them, not sure if we've actually seen them like this before without having some other thing motivating them. So yeah, they're forced to just work together, even if they refuse to at first because their own egos clash, lol. Now Phineas and Ferb get to see what Linda experiences I guess.

Out of Character

LUMBERZACKS

more nickel gags

was that a gravity falls gnome

buford's look of shame when the others eye him for taking the bed down lol

filming here for tax credits huh

"There you are, Ferb! That other guy talked too much" literal LOL

buford has schedules for everyone, not just jeet????

That was a smaller ep, but still neat! I can see how Baljeet would have this dilemma of being too literal minded to accept the pretend (more Autism fodder hehe), and then they actually get him to pull off acting by deceiving him. He's clearly not into the idea, but he does accept that it helped him. Wonder if we'll see him show up in this Space Adventure movie sometime down the line? B plot didn't have much for me to comment on, Doof's inator is wild tho, especially with how it helped Roger (who seems to have wanted to boost his own ego lol).

Meap Me in St. Louis

okay jon colton barry finally writes something

the counter for the trailer scenes is a funny touch lmao

oh my god jerry

BREAD BOWL HOT TUB

okay candace helping suzy despite their feud is cute

also does jeremy realise suzy still has it out for candace even after she was exposed in let's bounce lol

NOOOOO NOT THE BREAD BOWL HOT TUB DELAYED AGAIN

the mitch is back

wait so... stabbybarfpain was in fact... a made up hybrid season of every kind of weather at once... oh my god

sunny gloriousweather... is this by any chance named after sunny karnan esp since he is an actual scientist or at least studied science

somehow, balloony returned... guess he just randomly dies every now and then but doof blows him back up

wait is that baljinger content in the song

also yes phinabella together again lol i'm predictable

alyson stoner song is really nice as expected, even as the humour of the name stabbybarfpain is not lost of me

rip colin jr

was that the other dimension baby that eats guys

hey news guy weren't you arrested earlier

meap totally wanted to say "my ass"

phineas and isabella led song yay

candace looks so proud of herself hehe

wait... stabby barf pain... fifth season

also heh meap's wife chasing after him as a fugitive, what roleplay lol

ok no meap 4 trailer lmao

Holy shit that was crazy, lots of laugh out loud moments, nice Candace and Meap team up (the justice obsession feels foreshadowy too esp with her studying law in AYA hehe), Stabby Barf Pain is wild... yeah, so much crazy shit. Trailer stuff was hilarious. Doof and Balloony adventure too! IDK about how cop-y it felt but I'll think about that later lol

No Slumber Party

double sleepover omg

isa's little wave when phin said lady aww

are they doing the candace disconnected gag of never saying what they made

buford wants the girl talk

lol candace goes bust mode anyway

That was cute! Just everyone hanging out, and it's all a chill time. Some funny moments, song was cool too.

The Ballad of Bubba Doof

imo the biggest issue with westerns is the colonialist origins of the genre but ANYWAY

isa sick of the boys fighting lol

swole perry

jon isn't co story editor anymore, it's just scott after meap it seems, oscar is now staff writer tho

IDK if I'm just finally getting tired but this one was just fine. The forced perspective thing was fun, and more Doof relatives, cool. Maybe just not vibing with the Western thing (like Baljeet lol). Neat western outfits. IDK about Baljeet changing his mind deciding to watch Westerns at the end and IDK if the Carl stuff was meant to be an arc or just a gag. Wow I AM tired.

OKAY FINALLY I'M DONE NOW I CAN SLEEP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[spinostarz]

EEUUAAAAGGHH cold boy attack

[valkugo]

i'm not gonna lie, i cried my eyes out bc i was so scared for lochy. i couldn't even care about anything else happening, i just needed to see that he was alright. fuckass tim better treat him like the apple of his eyes the rest of his fucking life. also, that family of wankers wishes they were 1/10 of the person my boy is! "nobody is gonna make you a man, you have to do it yourself." he is more a man than you will ever be for just bringing up the elephant in the room, darling.

[teddybeartoji]

o wait before i start posting any pics.. i was thinking that maybe.. you guys could help me liquify this gender some more by switching up what you call me.... DON'T GET ME WRONG I LOVE . LOVE LOVE LOVE WHEN YOU USE HE/HIM AND JUST OVERALL LIKE MORE MASC STUFF THAT'S SOOO MMMMMMMMMSO FUCKING GOOD like i don't get to feel that irl at all so it really does make me so happy but i've just been thinking abt TRYING to switch it up more yk? does this even make sense...... . hhhh anyway i might won't even like it and i'll want to just go back to hehim but i wanna try... JUST TO SWITCH IT UP.

[hikeyzz]

i'm so fucking over it lol wdym "it sounds like you need to be seen within the next three days" my throat's just slowly swelling shut??? it's not THAT big of a deal can't i put it off for another like several weeks??? i mean its fineeeeee it's not even the breathing tube its the food one!!! i can survive plannyyy of time without eating i'll be fineeeeeee

[soggy-fishsticks]

guys ive been drawing so much lately I've been starting to actually hate it 🙁

[nugatorysheep]

Oh you're in luck I just so happened to draw the perfect response to this earlier today:

You wanna eat my ass so bad come over here and get it lol

(full sketchdump for people who care):

Also that's my deadname ffs. theres a reason it says Ezra on my pinned post let's not be transphobic <3

[fooltofancy]

we've reached the bargaining stage: k bud if u can load everything all u have to do otherwise is sweep and vacuum we'll horrible cleaning solutions tomorrow.

[silent-sentinels]

i think it'd be cool to like. let other select plurals know we're plural without letting everyone know we're plural. like some kind of secret passphrase in our bio on main that only plurals used. limp wristing at the gays yknow.

[mars-ipan]

some postgame doodles for pride month

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible

[teddybeartoji]

can't tell whether i'm getting fucked by my non-existent period or i've just fallen into a Ditch face first