#I was insanely nervous about this so I'm glad it went well lol

[vamptastic]

landlord came by i signed the new lease let him know about the trans thing and that im getting my name changed and will re-sign when thats done and he said the place looks good and to just keep up my standard of cleanliness 👍 all is well

[eureka-its-zico]

Hiiiiiii, it's me, Gouda 🧀 anon, but I am not on anon! lol I sorted out my Trumblr from all the cringy shit from years ago finally so I don't have to be embarrassed what I have on here haha (I saw you said you've been on Tumblr since 2015, well I've been on here since probably 2009 and yeah... Had to go down the memory lane and it was a bit cringe 😂)

I saw your message that Chapter 4 will be posted tonight and the giddy feelings that I felt, boy oh boy... Could barely contain myself in my chair!

This has been such a lovely update! It was amazing to see more interactions between Doc and Zoro. And his POV is just *chef's kiss*. It really helps to see that there's more to each of them than the other sees. And honestly, Zoro is being stupid because he can fulfil his promise and still get Doc so... *side eye* lol

I am honestly so curious to see what you have planned going forward: with Doc and Straw Hats AND Doc and Zoro. And if you grace us with even more Zoro POV to see his inner battle - I will devour it 😂

Also, I have to say - him bringing the beer and him bringing back the flower as an apology were one of my favourite parts in this chapter. Especially this one:

What he wouldn’t tell you, is because they only grew at certain times and usually in the snow, it made them one of the most resilient flowers because they could grow under any conditions. 

ALSO, oh my God, this interaction in particular too:

“What do I gotta do to hear one of these world-famous Doc jokes?” He waited until his face was neutral to look back at you. Both hands rested on his swords as he watched you fill the bottle to the brim and place it securely inside your satchel.  “For that kind of service? You have to be dying.”

We know what happens later and now I will wait with baited breath for doesn't matter how many chapters to see whether Doc actually says that joke 😂

I also love the ending, the fact that Nami is considerate enough to offer for Doc something to wear. It's a small interaction though I would think that it gives them a small part to bond to some extent ❤

As always, an amazing update and I am so happy to see these two continue to bond, even if they are both acting silly now. Really curious and excited for the next part to see how Doc reacts to Sanji and maybe even how Zoro reacts if Sanji flirts with Doc?! 😂

I have so many feelings to this story, I have to admit, I read Chapter 3 five times. Then I went to read Chapter 2. And then I read all chapters from the first one before this update because I have an insane amount of brain rot for OPLA Zoro and it's been consuming me this week 😂🙃 Also, because it's been bringing me joy and making me smile at a time in my life where I'm feeling a bit lost.

Sending you so much love and thank you for the update. I had a shit week so this has been such a mood booster that it is hard to put it into words how much I appreciate you and how happy I am that I discovered you and Chaos in Their Bones.

Hope you're having a lovely weekend, Jenn ❤

Osiyo my Gouda 🧀 Nonnie turned to my cheesy!! I am so happy to hear from you! The fact you did an intense cleansing of your tumblr makes me feel like I should probably do the same BUT 2009, you say?!? My bestie started a tumblr around that time too, I believe. What was it like? Was it wild? Lol

It makes me so happy to know you enjoyed the updated chapter! I was honestly very nervous about it cause I wrote it starting yesterday around 5 pm and finished by roughly 9:30 am. I just knew that once Sanji was introduced the story was going to be a bit more hefty, per say. There is the drinking scene, and I wanted Doc and Nami to have some time together, because she deserves a good wholesome friendship, okay?!

I’m so glad you love Zoro’s POV! It always makes me nervous because he is such a moody baby, but also extremely devoted to keeping his word/promises. I thought it was important to show his side and struggle, because he is so devoted to fulfilling his promise that I can envision him being completely blinded by that determination. I mean, look how he responds to poor Nami 😩😩

Oh man, we know Sanji flirts with EVERY woman lol so flirting is definitely implied and I may or may not have already pre-written the dialogue for most of that scene 🤣

I cannot believe you’ve reread Chaos in Their Bones so many times! But also, I completely understand why you would after reading the rest of your message. It is an absolute honor and a privilege to be a part of something that is bringing you joy in a time when you feel like it is most needed. I always look forward to your reviews and to see how you liked chapters. It means a lot to me to see your 🧀 in my ask box. I am incredibly sorry this week wasn’t any good, but just know I am sending you lots of love and good vibes that hopefully next week is better than this one. Sending you virtual hugs and Much Love 🖤

[gettatranslations]

Behind the Scenes of Signature Creation Yumigeta Ako (23.07.15)

Good eveningー！

I'm Yumigeta Ako🛑

Today was our Fukuoka performance、thank you very much！！

For some reason I was more nervous than I was at Budokan…笑lol

But standing on stage and seeing all of your faces made my nerves disappear！

Thank you very much 🥹

Oh and、we were way closer to the audience than I expected！！I was so surprised！

Lookie Lookie〜 I received a birthday cake！

I couldn't get to Tokyo on my actual birthday but I never thought they'd celebrate for me today！

I'm so happy…🥹

I took it back to my hotel and ate it all by myself♡笑lol

Today I'll talk about my signature📄✍

What did you think of Yumigeta Ako's signature？？？

It's kinda traditional huh 笑lol

But I think that's a good thing！

Today I'll talk about the behind the scenes of my signature creation！

I'm really grateful to Ikuta-san、

I had no idea what I was doing when it came to creating a signature。

Please look at this photo↓

A look at Ako's signature development

They're awful right？？！！

Geta×2 looks like a joke huh。

But I seriously planned to pick one of these 笑lol

But then Ikuta-san said

「Eri thinks it'd look cute if you wrote it in romaji！」

From her advice I realised how awful my current options were…

Like they're funny and all that but wouldn't they just be laughable written next to a photo of me in a cute costume or a dress or seifuku？笑lol

I'm glad she gave me something else to consider！

Thank you very much Ikuta-san…🙇‍♀️

⋆┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈⋆⋆┈┈┈┈

Well then it's time for today's 【Gettaa Life】✨

Today was my 2nd time ever riding in a plane ✈️

My first time since I went to Okinawa when I was in 2nd grade！

At first I was so so so scared that when we accelerated I clung onto my seatbelt because I was so insanely worried〜

But as we flew I couldn't help but enjoy it！

I really like space so I was at MAX excitement about being above the clouds！

I wanna fly again〜！

I love the feeling of flying💕

I Getted an 「Unreal Experience」！

↑The airport by Cameraman Ako

Someday I wanna try flying in the sky with a parachute🪂〜

That's all！This has been 【Gettaa Life】！

⋆┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈⋆⋆┈┈┈

T/N News and information has not been translated

⋆┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈⋆⋆┈┈

Next week is Osaka！！

I wanna hear Kansai dialect〜

Everyone in Osaka、I'm looking forward to meeting you〜！

Some of you I might be seeing for the 2nd time！

I'm super happy that I'll get to see you again〜！

I'll do my best to give you an energetic greeting！

Everyone please be sure not to catch a cold either〜！

My stomach is full to bursting with cake〜…

Well then I'll see you tomorrow！

This has been YumiGettaa Ako！Good night🐨🐨🐨

[writtenonreceipts]

I cannot take "when morning comes" out of my head!!! I woke up and it basically the first thing that I did today was read that and now my whole day is going to be me trying to figure it out what's going to happen in the following part, I'm at work right now and I should be writing some documents but my head is taken by "what is Aelin gonna do now?", "is Rowan going to notice she's intentionally trying to separate herself from him not because she doesn't like him but because she's in such a bad place at the moment?", "how are they going to make up after that?", "when is Rhoe going to notice that his daughter is falling apart and he is just pushing her further down with his unwanted comments?", "will Evalin step up when it comes to how Rhoe treats their daughter?", "when is Arobynn dying?" And you know what? I'm not bad about it these documents can wait a bit while I sort this important questions in my mind 😌

Hey friend!! I am so glad you enjoyed it! I was pretty nervous about posting it as I stepped out of my comfort zone by including the amount of spice I did, lol. I've never written that type of content before so I'm really grateful it wasn't terrible, lol.

You bring up some very good questions that will hopefully get answered and satisfy you, haha! It really was a lot of fun working on this one, I wrote most of it over the span of three days which was insane! But so good to get writing like that again.

I'm really excited about exploring the aftermath of how part one ended, I love emotional impact stories and characters going through self-discovery moments, so I hope it'll live up to any expectations!

Thanks for reaching out and again for reading and everything!! I hope your day went well and you got the work done that you needed! <3<3<3

[1d1195]

✨part two✨

Okay sooo finally got to read the Honey and Most updates and I’m going insane!!! Idk where to begin lol

I’m most definitely NOT mad the way this last part of honey ended or even turned out! If anything this made those most sense for them! I was so devastated when she started to tell how she ended up being a nanny 💔 also CODY?!? Never trust a guy named that 😭 anyways fuck him 😊 how could he basically try to manipulate her into finding that “family” need somewhere else when all she wanted to do was have one of her own and then HIM FUCKING CHEATING ON HER AND STARTING A FAMILY WITH ANOTHER WOMAN?!? HELLO?!???? I love when we get a good backstory for your characters especially when they are so devastating 💔 though it of course makes so much sense as to why she’s like that obviously! And ugh I wish she was able to pursue her own dreams(I’m sure she will) but also that undertone of her not seeing herself being able to have her dream career and home life is so💔💔 the sperm donor part TRAGIC BC SHE IS SO LOVED! Though there is absolutely nothing wrong if people choose that route! (I’ve thought about that too!) and tbh I didn’t expect Harry to immediately beg her to give him a chance bc he is also kinda emotionally unavailable lol but I’m so excited to see how they will play out because I know you’ll never fail me!!!!! Loved it of course!

Now the most extra… I NEED HIM BAD😩😩😩 he’s so omg bestie you don’t even know! When I was younger I loved firefighters so him being just so perfect is so😭 he’s so down bad and I love when that happens! And I loved how we got a glimpse of the MC being so vulnerable when expressing how much she missed him😭 that detail of never sleeping alone 😭 and THEM TALLING ABOIT MARRIAGE😭😭😭 I will die when or if we get to read that😭😭 loved this so much like you do fluff and just sweet romantic stuff so much😭😭!!

Oh Sam you don’t even know how I was weak in the knees when I saw him😭 the motivation I got for that class actually went up lol

Anyways I’ve missed you lots Sam!! Was a really busy week but hopefully now it won’t be too bad! Hope grocery shopping went well! And I hope this past week treated you well too! Have you done anything fun recently? Hope this weekend is a bit relaxing! Love you lots!!!-💜

I am seriously running out of names but I've never met anyone that likes Cody. Idk how they exist. Tragically, I love the name Josh and Ben but I fear those are also red flag names. I really wasn't intending to make her background so tragic but I was struggling to put something down for this part and I was like "FUCK IT MAKE HER SAD" I tell my bf all the time if he died (lol) or we broke up I would refrain from another relationship. I would most likely just do the sperm donor route. I thought Harry caved kinda easily too, but I had someone message me about a prequel if you will for Honey and it's literally such a good idea, I can't wait to thank them profusely when I write it. I think it will be the first extra and it will kinda make sense why he caves so quickly after the fact. I am glad this part was okay. I'm still a bit nervous about the last two parts, but we shall see!

Honestly, I'm lowkey sick of writing about weddings 😂 almost all of my couples I've been writing about are married, I think. Or at least, they all act married. So idk if I'll write about their wedding. I think it would probs be similar to my Zipper wedding. I think she would be to nervous to do the whole thing in front of everyone--especially out of her guilt for leaving for a few years. I think she would feel like everyone is judging her. But I don't think Harry would care either way. He's so in love with her he would probably agree to getting married in the middle of a tornado if she asked. I also love firefighters. I think they're cute af (like personality, not physically, although they're good at that too). It's like someone just put a bunch of golden retrievers in one space and told them to literally put out fires. It's cute 🥰

Have I done anything fun? Hmm... no not really. I read my book last week and I've been spending money I shouldn't. But other than that, not really. I've been trying to lesson plan but my brain is not focusing. I've got my sweet treat and everything and nothing is working. 😭 I still have till like Wednesday to get some stuff done but I'm an early bird when it comes to due dates so this is cutting it close for me tbh 😭 We're planning a game night and a trip to Salem this month. I'm so amped that it's fall. It's making me think more and more about My Friend's Toyota. May have to revisit them next! I'm hoping to write a bit more but yeah. Nothing crazy!

LOVE YOU! Hope you are having a good weekend! 💕 Also, do you have classes every day? I know you commute and you're not crazy far, but do you only go on certain days or do you have a full 5-day schedule?

xoxo



[mar64ds]

opinions on the various cog managers of TTCC

wow thank you for asking because i want to infodump

i like the main taskline managers, i think especially derrick man has really fun dialogue interacting with the other toon while also adding more information about how many cogs think and how they find boring stuff fun. i don't have much to say about facility managers but i love skelecogs designs in general

but the regional managers are the reason why i wanted to get into toontown. don't get me wrong toontown is a really charming game with a fun gameplay, it's a good game without them but it is massively improved with them in it. They add a lot of personality and really interesting stories to this world. I feel like you can do A LOT with the concept of toontown and i'm glad CC is doing just that, with more content coming in the future, it's really exciting

Duck Shuffler is my personal favorite because i think he is funny. But seriously i do really like his design and he has a really fun personality specially compared with how serious cogs usually are. That's why I really like Major Player too, he is fun, he is theatrical, he puts on a good show, he does not care about this big corporation he cares about his music and his shows, which is a really interesting concept to explore. I know the fusion isn't canon but it adds a lot to their relationship and how well they work together, how neither really care about this fight with toons and just like to have a good time

In fact managers like Rainmaker, Multislacker and Chainsaw Manager also explore the idea that there are cogs that simply don't want (or care) to fight the toons. Rainmaker i adore, she's one of my favorites, seeing a cog that is so miserable working in this company but can't even reach out to toons either is really tragic. Adding the mercy option to this battle is a game changer, this is something that you don't expect in toontown and yet they pull it off perfectly, Rainmaker leaves a really big impact on you and gives you high hopes for what the future of this game can offer you

Multislacker is a fun character, i tend to really love the cartoony apathetic nihilistic characters, and they offer another interesting perspective of what if there are cogs that just do not care, that they see the monotony of the endless gameplay of toons fighting cogs and cogs fighting toons. It's fun in a meta way but it's fun in the story itself too, you get to understand that this character is more than just some lazy guy, they just don't care about all of this and prefer to at least get to have fun watching tv

Chainsaw Manager is an interesting case, it's someone whose life has been ruined by working in this company. We don't know exactly why this is happening, i thought i was missing some information but it seems like this is so far an unsolved mystery? Which is interesting too, having missing pieces in the story that we will find out with time. But you don't have to understand why this is happening to understand that this guy is pretty miserable, to the point where he worries about toons's safety. He also has the best animation in the entire game lol all the budget went to this man. I feel bad that i don't have much to say about Treekiller but the fact that he has a brotherly bond with Chainsaw Manager is what makes me care the most about this character, they have very different personalities but it's always so nice to see cogs that care about each other

It's why i really love Firestarter and Pacesetter as well, these two have a romantic relationship and i think it's awesome there is gay people in this game. shy nervous character with confident energetic character kind of relationship which i always find really endearing. Firestarter has one of my favorite designs of the game, Pacesetter's fight is insane, and overall both of them are characters i really like individually and work even better as a couple

Deepdiver is one of my favorites simply because i am autistic and love marine biology, so she's of course and instant favorite (we even share the same name lol), plus overall they're very sweet and it's interesting that there are cogs that DO care about the environment. Gatekeeper, her girlfriend, talks like rouxl kaard so i can barely understand her but i love her personality and knight helmet is always an awesome design choice

Prethinker is another big favorite of mine and he's the complete opposite of complexity, he is the most cartoon villain of them all and i love him exactly for that. i just think he is really funny, loser forever stuck in the first area of the game

I don't have super interesting things to say about the rest of the managers but i like them a lot too. Bellringer is funny to me, Mouthpiece is grandma, Featherbedder is sleepy nonbinary representation. I like plutocrat but i like his skelecogs more, and sorry to witch hunter but i do not care about this man lol

Overall this game has really fun characters, a really good cast of characters to infodump about

[yinyuedijun]

COCO.....I WILL CRY ACTUALLY I WILL CRY OVER ALL UR COMMENTS 😭😭😭 I LITERALLY CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW HAPPY THEY MADE ME AGLDJSKFJAJ thank you so so much for taking the time to type out all your reactions & thoughts, and saying such kind things !!! 🥺🥺🥺

also I'm about to type an entire essay in response, for which I apologize LOL

SO FUNNILY, one of the things I was really worried abt with this fic is that it wasn't very concise because I kept wanting to ramble abt the other characters!! usually I too always forget about characters other than the love interest (LMAO) but I genuinely love all the wbk boys I couldn't help but want to talk about what they're up to in this au... so I'm super glad that you enjoyed all those lil details in the fic, and they didn't feel pointless !! 🥺 (k.u.w.b. made me giggle btw. imagining a reality tv show where umemiya is the kris jenner equivalent)

I genuinely giggled so much when I saw ur reaction to the marriage joke.... now I'm extremely excited for ur reaction if you read part 2 because it'll be coming up again :3ccc

ALSO COCO ITS LIKE WE ARE TELEPATHICALLY CONNECTED BC THATS THE EXACT PANEL I WAS THINKING ABT AS I WROTE THAT SCENE I was actually shocked when I saw those mangacaps in ur post LOL

laughing so so hard @ the colourblindness comments 😭😭😭 my genuine mission with this fic was to get everyone situationally colourblind for this man and I'm glad it worked on you miss coco ♥️♥️♥️ who can resist a man that looks at you as if you were a misbehaving kitten.... truly 😔 (giggled at ur reaction to that line too btw hehehe)

and HELP your comments on the scene with sakura were so fun to read !! I really did want people to genuinely feel like suo is A Danger at this point so I'm super happy that you thought the scene was tense and actually anxiety provoking WAHAHA. also I'm so flattered you thought it felt like a film scene, though I apologize for the whiplash LMDAOFKJS. I've never seen uncut gems but now I feel like I have to watch it!!!!

I literally laughed OUT LOUD at your reaction to the scene where suo pulled u into his lap HAHFLSJS NOT YOUR STUFFED ANIMAL.... rip sorry abt the tragic casualty of this suo fic </3 but also I desperately need to know,

what would you want to say that would get you guillotined? 🎤🎤🎤

but speaking more seriously LOL it means a lot to me that you like their relationship and suo's characterization! I'm sure you've seen me ramble abt this rip but writing him makes me nervous bc we have no info on him 💔 so I'm glad you enjoyed the backstory I hallucinated for him, as well as the yandere angle that I went with for him!!! also I must admit I screamed a lil when you said "perhaps what's best for her is to fuck her silly and hold her tenderly and kiss her like a lover...?" ALGKSFJJS you understand exactly where I'm going with his mindset ♥️ but also I regret to inform you that the sex is actually insane, though I hope you will enjoy it anyway 😭😭😭 ITS FINE HE'LL DO ALL THOSE THINGS OFFSCREEN LATER

I ALSO need to admit I got embarrassed when u called me out on loving suo 😔 I really do love this guy, especially this stinky horrible man version of him I hallucinated HRGKSJS. I'm not used to writing super self-indulgent things so I was a lil embarrassed about posting this tbh!!!! so thank you for being so encouraging n supportive about that aspect of the fic !!

I SHALL FORCE MYSELF TO STOP YAPPING NOW and I'm sorry I wrote so much LOL. I just wish words could convey how much ur comment means to me!!! 🥺🥺🥺 you are so kind and thoughtful and I hope you know how much I appreciate u!!!

TOKYO VICE | part 1

You knew that if you agreed to move in with Suo, you'd be setting yourself up for a life without autonomy. You also knew that these alarming behaviours were all signs that he desperately needed therapy to process his master’s untimely death. Living with a man in constant grief, who refused to talk about his trauma unless he was making up a lie related to the nation of China, was probably not a good decision. Doubly so when this man was clearly paranoid about losing you, and triply so when he was a high-ranking member of a violent syndicate. Unfortunately for you, you rarely made good decisions. (Or: After joining the yakuza, Suo develops the concerning habit of controlling every facet of your life. This is somehow less worrying to you than your uncontrollable lust around him.)

8.7k words. suo x fem reader. deeply unserious yakuza au. yandere suo (not abusive and reader is into it), dark comedy, a little angst, smut. warnings: borderline sex work, off-screen criminal violence. nsft – no actual smut in this chapter, but there are still graphic discussions of sex. mdni. thank you to @sleepyqinfei for beta reading and to @/cafekitsune for the banner!

this is a sequel to sincerity and this sakura/reader wip (not required reading)!

You’re not exactly sure why you and Suo have never fucked.

It’s certainly strange, given that you're pretty sure that Suo has expressed at least passing interest in you over the years, and you have felt a lot of interest in him. (By ‘interest’, you mean that you feel an insatiable lust around him that you fight to ignore on a daily basis.) You can't exactly pinpoint why nothing has ever happened despite this mutual attraction, especially given your profession and indifferent feelings toward casual sex.

You can think of a number of probable reasons, which are separate from those you classify as stupid reasons. The latter class comprises silly concerns like a fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of not being pretty enough, fear of not being good enough, et cetera. All very juvenile feelings—insecurities that you had in your teenage years, the days in which Suo ran around Makochi as a delinquent while you worked an honest job at a bar. (It was a girls’ bar in the red light district, but that's neither here nor there.) Your circumstances have since changed, and those anxieties have since faded. None of them have any material consequence for your current life, so you don't see any point in thinking about them.

The stupid reasons, then, definitely don't have anything to do with why you've never fucked Suo. But you can think of a few, more concrete reasons that may explain it. For one, Suo has been your friend since childhood and it’s generally a bad idea to have sex with your long-time friends. He was also your roommate for a while and it’s an even messier idea to have sex with your roommates. And now, in your adulthood, he’s your landlord in addition to being your boss, which makes him the worst possible person you could have sex with. You could lose both your home and your livelihood if things go south—both severe, material consequences that should theoretically keep your lust at bay.

Also, he's also a member of the yakuza.

Now, strictly speaking—you're not really opposed to having sex with violent criminals. It’s definitely not a good idea, but you don't usually have good ideas anyway. But for the past several years, you’ve been pissed at Suo for joining the yakuza in the first place, which actually does keep your blatant attraction to him in check. You simply dry up when you think too hard about all the feelings of betrayal.

When Suo was on the cusp of graduating from Furin and thinking about his future, you’d grabbed him by the collar and made him promise not to join the yakuza. They constantly tried to recruit from Bofurin, and they especially wanted Sakura, Suo, and Sugishita. You were adamant about chasing them off from Suo and Sakura whenever they approached—you had no need to worry about Sugishita, as Umemiya had already said he shouldn't talk to them, so there was no chance he was going to—and you begged Suo over and over not to join. Delinquency was fine, but a crime syndicate was something else altogether.

Suo seemed serious about it when he said he'd listen to you. He even applied to colleges, talked about maybe becoming a teacher and eventually supporting you so you could stop working in the mizu shobai industry. Back then, he often teased you by saying that you should marry him and be his housewife (or he could be your trophy husband, if you so wished). You thought he was joking, but with the way he always talked about his life after his degree, you wondered if he would seriously suggest it.

Of course, it was most likely just teasing, and you were fine with that. You were simply excited that he'd found a career that would make him happy. Nirei had also been accepted to university at that point, and even Sakura had an honest job lined up on Keisei Street. The future had looked bright for everyone.

Then Suo’s master died, and he lost his fucking mind.

The two of you buried Suo’s master in a Chinese funeral. He had never had children of his own, having satisfied his paternal instincts by picking up strays, and he didn't have much in the way of family in Japan either, so you and Suo performed the shou ling yourselves. One person kept a constant vigil over his body while the other searched on Google for what arrangements should be made next. After all, while Suo’s master had immersed his foremost disciple in his culture, he had never taught Suo any funerary customs. He hadn't thought there would be a need.

Suo didn't cry nearly as much as you, but he was probably in more pain. Your master had trained you a little bit when you were a kid, and he'd taken you in for a while after your parents kicked you out, so of course you were gutted. But he had practically raised Suo, so it was naturally worse for him. More shattering.

You often think about the first night you decided you'd sleep with him in the same futon because he was crying so much. He insisted he was fine, but he didn't complain when you got under the sheets with him and started thumbing away his tears. When you took off his eyepatch, you found, to your astonishment, that he was crying from his missing eye as well. Both of you thought the tear ducts had been destroyed in either the accident or the enucleation, but it appeared that not even that prior trauma could mask his grief over this one.

Nevertheless, by the time of the funeral procession, Suo had stopped crying.

“Master supported us and taught us to stand on our own two feet,” he said as the joss paper burned. He took your hand in his and smiled. “So it'll be fine. We’ll be okay on our own. I'll make sure of it.”

At the time, you had found this very comforting. You didn’t think too much of it, as you had a bad habit of relying on Suo for your emotional stability. His master had raised him to be an emotionally intelligent person, so it had been fine, even though you had a track record of reckless decisions. He’d still exercised endless patience with you. He never once got angry with you, nor did he ever force you to do what he felt was the right thing. Instead, he gently redirected your self-damaging behaviours—not so different from the martial art that he practised.

He disapproved of the run-down and lonely conditions of your apartment, so he spent a great deal of time there and helped make it into a proper home. He didn't like how dangerous your job at the girls’ bar was, so he walked you to and from work every night until you never left without him. He worried when you started having sex with your customers, especially when you began having nervous breakdowns over it (you were, after all, still a teenager and really only interested in having romantic vanilla sex with Suo), so he staged an intervention with Nirei and Sakura. In this way, Suo convinced you that you were loved and protected and didn't need to do something you hated so much. They would get you out if you felt trapped. And you didn't feel trapped, per se, so you left on your own—but it was still only because of them. You promised them afterwards that you'd never do it again.

This was Suo’s brand of kindness as a teenager. He always taught people, guided them away from harm rather than steering them—a behaviour he’d mimicked from your master. Your master, in general, had defined all of Suo’s values and his way of living, which was honest and gentle and conscientious. It was one where he used his abilities to protect the weak and care for his friends. He even kept his spiteful and alarmingly violent tendencies under control, though sometimes he slipped when fighting genuine assholes. But he still tried. He tried because he strived to be as kind as his master—who represented everything that Suo wanted to be in his adult life.

Thus, the death of Suo’s master meant the death of his principles. It changed the kind of man that Suo wanted to be. You don't want to say that he became a worse person, but he absolutely became a worse person.

He especially became a worse person with you.

As it turned out, Suo’s idea of making sure that the two of you would be fine on your own was, well, not really fine. It wasn’t that he became cruel to you, per se. It was more that whenever he saw a problem with your behaviour, his approaches to redirecting it became—put as nicely as possible—heavy-handed.

After your master’s death, you got a job at a high end, yakuza-owned club. Two weeks later, Suo broke his promise to you and joined the yakuza. So I can stay close to you, he explained gently, wiping away your tears as you cried hysterically, but you're convinced to this day that he did it partly out of spite. So a few years later, when you started having sex with your customers again and he tried to stop you, you decided to spite him back. I need to stay on top of the rankings, you'd explained dispassionately. The mamasan said it's fine, and the manager doesn't care. He even thinks it's good for business.

Suo’s response was to simply become the owner of your club.

This move was very extreme, but also very effective. Any customer who so much as brushed against you on the premises was instantly thrown out, and the mamasan started watching you like a hawk to make sure you weren’t going to any love hotels after work. Douhan were off-limits. For the first time since your teens, you became completely celibate—not only because of your new workplace circumstances, but because you simply didn't want to find out what Suo would do if you got together with a man he despised (and he despised every man you dated).

His most absurd play was when he became concerned about your living conditions again. Your latest apartment was too plain, too small, and the area was too dangerous. It didn't even have a shower, and the other tenants behaved concerningly toward you when you went to the bathhouse at night. But the rent was cheap, and it was still an upgrade from your last place, so you shrugged it off when Suo suggested that you move. Even when someone tried to accost you at night, you were nonchalant about it. You kicked the shit out of them in a fight and continued your routine unbothered.

The next month, Suo bought a luxury penthouse and suggested you move in with him.

His offer (command) came with conditions. One of the bigger ones was that you'd let him accompany you out at night if you ever needed to run errands in dangerous places. Or—nevermind, actually. He should really just accompany you everywhere at night. Maybe during the day too. And—ah, there was no way you'd be going to work alone, nor coming back by yourself—you were now always to be driven by someone in his organisation, if he wasn't available himself. Rent was a point of contention, when you asked about it: you wanted to pay at market rate, and he insisted that there was no need to pay at all. He ended up proposing a highly discounted price, which would give you ample financial freedom, but questionable financial independence.

These were insane terms. You knew that if you agreed, you'd be setting yourself up for a life without autonomy. You also knew that these behaviours were all signs that Suo desperately needed therapy to process his master’s untimely death. Living with a man in constant grief, who refused to talk about his trauma unless he was making up a lie related to the nation of China, was probably not a good idea. Doubly so when this man was clearly paranoid about losing you, and triply so when he was a high-ranking member of a violent syndicate. Case in point—he was likely connected to the brutal accident that later befell the man who tried to assault you.

“I'm not sure what you're implying, but at least he didn't die,” Suo said cheerfully when you confronted him about it. Which really meant: At least I decided not to kill him. This was a flag bigger and redder than any other you've ever known, and you consider yourself an expert in red flags. You knew you should run in the other direction.

So naturally, you put your arms around him, tenderly said, I'm sorry I've been worrying you, and then you moved in the next day.

While Suo treats you with endless patience, you have personal limits to the patience that you exercise with him. Specifically, your patience with how he treats you.

You don't mind the lack of social freedom, nor the lack of personal freedom, nor the lack of freedom of movement. You also don't mind living with a man full of intractable trauma surrounding the death of every parental figure in his life; in fact, you'd rather be by his side than not, if he needs to cope with something so painful. And anyway, your friendship is otherwise unchanged if you ignore the heavy restrictions he's imposed on every facet of your life. So that's all fine.

But the celibate lifestyle that he's cornered you into? You simply aren't built for it. Holy shit, do you need to get laid.

Nearly two years without sex has brought you close to another nervous breakdown (there have been few better sources of entertainment or validation in your life), and worst of all, it has made your profound lust for Suo incredibly hard to ignore. Waking up every morning to him in a towel, his hair still wet from the shower and his broad silhouette exposed, tests the absolute limits of your self-control. The contours of his lean and muscled form are distracting enough; coupled with the vivid colours and lines of his irezumi, the sight of him becomes maddening. It is a horrible thing to be exposed to when you haven't gotten any dick nor strap in over a year. It gives you thoughts about him that are overtly sexual, which is bad, as you have materially consequential reasons for not wanting to fuck Suo.

Things with him must absolutely stay platonic. But with sexual frustration like yours, being platonic with him means that you need to get erotic with someone else. A boyfriend or girlfriend is out of the question; you don't want to be responsible for yet another brutal accident. So you instead decide to quit your job at his club and start working on Keisei Street. At least this way, you can start fucking your customers again.

It’s a perfect plan. Suo’s oyabun is very indulgent toward him, and everyone else in the family respects him too. He consequently has a tight grip on his organisation and the territory they control, despite his relatively young age. Not a single person is ever to touch Keisei Street—largely because Sakura is part of Roppo-Ichiza, and Suo is nearly as weird about Sakura as he is about you. Plus, many of his other fellow Furin alumni are in the gang as well. If Suo’s men ever started fucking with people on Keisei Street, it would not only have grave implications for gang relations—it would be personally upsetting for Suo. This means you can fuck all the Keisei Street customers you want, and not get a single one of them threatened or killed.

A pretty brilliant idea, if you do say so yourself.

Suo’s expression doesn't change when you break the news to him. He delicately places his teacup—custom-made from Yixing, just like the matching clay teapot—down on the mahogany tabletop, and he looks at you with a calm smile.

“Come again?”

“I'm quitting my job at Red Dragon,” you repeat. “I already gave the mamasan my resignation.”

“And she accepted it?” Suo asks, in a tone that is so carefully nonchalant that you know it means he is actually furious with her. “How interesting,” he muses. “What brought this on?”

“I've found a better paying opportunity on Keisei Street.”

“I'll give you a raise,” he says easily.

“A raise?” You cock a brow. “The pay is mostly commission-based at Red Dragon. You know that.”

“Then it would be unwise to leave. You have a loyal customer base at Red Dragon. All very rich, and”—his smile grows sharp—“very polite.”

Polite. An interesting word. It actually means: None of them will ever proposition or harass you because they know they'll be maimed if they do. An easy thought to use to your advantage.

“It's loyal but it's small. Everyone who's anyone in this part of town thinks that we’re married. Do you know how hard it is to pull new customers in when they're scared shitless of my yakuza husband? And anyway”—you frown, trying to look as pathetic as possible—“I'm lonely.”

Suo stares. He looks surprised, possibly because you absorb every minute of his free time with silly conversation, new restaurants, and skiing trips. (He likes snow, so you ask for these trips more for him to relax than anything else.) You also text him frequently on days he's working, and he very diligently replies, even if he's in the middle of something like a raid or a hit or brokering a massive deal. Suo still very strictly keeps to his rule of never touching his phone when in conversation with other people—unless he needs to text you.

So his suspicion is fair. Suo is very attentive and doesn't allow you much opportunity for loneliness. In turn, you’ve always been very happy spending time with him, even when it's only him.

“Lonely?” he repeats. “Are you, now?”

“Yes. You work so much,” you complain, which is not a lie, “and I don't have any friends to spend time with when you're gone.”

“You have friends from work.”

“No, I have competition at work. The hostesses are so cutthroat about rankings, they hate me. And each other.”

“You like Shuuhei and Hanzo,” he points out, referring to his men who most frequently chauffeur you.

“Yeah, they're friendly, and they're very funny. I like them, but I can't be their friend.” Suo stares at you, nonplussed, so you spell it out: “They're too scared of you to get close to me. What if it looks like they're trying to fuck the boss’ wife?”

“Hm…” Suo studies you, looking thoughtful. Perhaps for the first time, he's contemplating the consequences of restricting your freedoms and marking you as his. That is to say—maybe he's finally realising that you have no friends and no life.

The beads of his earrings glimmer as he tilts his head at you and frowns. Suo almost looks innocent with that confused face of his. “And how would working on Keisei Street help?” he asks.

“Because all our old friends are there!” you exclaim. “Sakura’s in Roppo-Ichiza now so he’ll definitely be coming by all the clubs. Tsubaki too. And Nirei and Kiryu visit them quite often—and even Tsugeura does sometimes, even though clubbing isn't one of his virtues.” You grab onto his arm, pull yourself close, and give him your most disarming, pleading expression. “Please, Suo?”

“Hm.” He strokes your cheek and looks at you fondly, in the way that one would do with an adorable and slightly annoying kitten. “I don’t think so. It’s not very safe there.”

He isn't wrong. Not only are you untouchable on his turf because of your association to him, Suo has also just crushed all the han-gure and petty criminals in his territory with brutal efficiency. His part of the red light district is, quite ironically, one of the safest places in the city, and certainly safer than Keisei Street.

But undeterred, you point out, “Shuuhei and Hanzo can still drive me there and back if you want. But I don't think it's necessary. Do you really think Sakura would let anything happen to me?”

This is the true brilliance of your plan: capitalising on the fact that Suo is as nearly as weird about Sakura as he is about you. He pauses as soon as you bring up the point, and you can practically see the gears turning. “Well, if it's him…”

“I even texted him about it. Look—here!” You whip out your phone, receipts ready. The corner of Suo's mouth lifts at your obviously rehearsed pitch. “He says he'd make sure I'm taken care of. And he says it'd be nice because he misses seeing us. Can you believe it—Sakura actually admitted that he misses us! Typed it with his own two hands and pressed send! I bet he was super embarrassed about it.”

“Huh. He even used a sticker. I've never seen him do that.” Suo smiles as he reads through the chat. He looks like his old self. You suddenly feel a little wistful, and also a lot bad. This started as a ploy to get laid, but it’s made you realise that you really do miss your friends—and Suo probably does too.

“If I worked on Keisei Street, then you would have plenty of reason to visit,” you point out, feeling somewhat tender.

“I guess that's true,” Suo says. Your heart aches a little bit at the look he gives you. It's a platonic ache, of course. Or at the very least, it isn't an erotic one. It doesn't really make you want to have sex with him anyway. But if you could lean forward and press your lips to his—platonically—then you definitely would.

Suo's civilian friendships are complicated by his double life. Quite unusually for yakuza, Suo’s syndicate insists on using pseudonyms and false histories to avoid anti-yakuza laws, on the off-chance that the police decide to do their jobs and actually enforce those laws someday. Lying for comedy is one of Suo’s greatest passions, so he was happy to manufacture an absurd backstory: his name is Yanzhao, and he learned kung fu in a Shaolin Temple before moving to Hong Kong and working for the triads. He wears the eyepatch because he lost his eye in an altercation with the cops, which he won. By the way, you're his criminally beautiful wife who he met in Macau. The two of you had to leave for Japan since he killed a police officer and now he's wanted by the governments of both China and Hong Kong. Also, he's a very devoted husband, so if anyone lays a hand on you, he’ll kill them too.

Somehow, everyone has bought into this story. Every criminal organisation in the red light district now fears a high-ranking yakuza known as Yanzhao, who is easily recognizable by his eyepatch and tassel earrings, and who is also homicidally obsessed with his beautiful wife.

In some ways, his infamy is convenient. No one wants to fuck with Suo, or with you by extension. But it also poses some issues: Suo has to keep a low profile in areas controlled by rival organisations, or else he might be ambushed. It also means he cannot easily go out and see his old friends. Even though he always masquerades as a civvie when he does, wearing stud earrings and a glass eye, it's still a little risky—especially since he likes to visit the strongest member of Roppo-Ichiza. While Roppo-Ichiza aren’t yakuza, they're still han-gure, so some of its more criminally entangled members might recognize him anyway.

But Sakura himself, bless him, has not put two and two together and figured out that Suo Hayato and Gui Yanzhao are the same person. This is partly because Suo lies very convincingly about his fictional career in the tea industry, but you think it's also because Sakura is so gullible it's endearing.

I use the glass eye now because it's better for networking, Suo had explained before Sakura could interrogate him too much, his voice too smooth and too quick for the other man to get in a word edgewise. My business partners find the eyepatch too silly. The tassel earrings too. By the way, would you like some Baimudan tea? I thought of you when I smelled it—I know you like fragrant things—so I picked some up for you on my last visit to China. I was there for business a couple of weeks ago.

He, of course, neglected to mention that said business involved meeting with the 14K triad.

Despite the enormity of Suo's omission (lie), Sakura is none the wiser whenever he meets with you. He thinks you're just a regular hostess who has freedom of movement and various other human rights, and that Suo’s just a regular guy who isn’t homicidally obsessed with you (a detail of Suo's fabricated life story that is unfortunately grounded in reality). All this to say, Sakura doesn't think twice about mentioning the fact that you have a routine of going to love hotels after work.

Suo, as always, remains calm in the face of unsettling information. He sets down his tea (just tea, without shochu), and politely says, “Pardon?” He's once again using the nonchalant kind of tone that suggests mortal danger.

“She's always going to love hotels after her shifts.” Sakura is frowning at you, pink but scowling. “I thought you said you were done with that stuff. You promised us you wouldn't do it anymore. Suo—are you really okay with this?”

On the one hand, you find it exceptionally sweet that Sakura, after all this time, remembers your promise and wishes to hold you to it. He was so worried about you when you started having those nervous breakdowns as a teenager, and he probably still is. On the other hand, you're shitting bricks at the fact that Suo is now aware of your activities. Because sure, he likely won't fuck with Keisei Street—but you realise, as he stares at you, that you can't be certain of this. After all, your fake yakuza husband has very real homicidal urges.

“Um,” you say. “It's just business.”

“Business,” Suo repeats.

“You don't have to do that stuff to keep good business,” Sakura grouses, unaware of Suo’s carefully suppressed rage. “You're real popular already.”

“Are you?” Suo asks, looking right at you.

“I mean—I told you the pay would be better, right?” you reply, voice oddly high and nervous, and this is when Sakura notices that something is wrong.

“Oh,” Sakura says, looking between the two of you. “Suo, you didn't know?”

“I didn't,” he says. “Actually, she told me specifically that she wasn't going to do that if she worked here.” He turns to you, still smiling. “That's the only reason why I allowed this at all, remember?”

A chill travels down your spine. You did, in fact, commit to a perpetually sexless lifestyle in order to be granted some semblance of freedom: Of course I won't sleep with any customers, you'd said. You know I don't really like doing that anyway. I promise I'll behave! I’ll be out of the clubs and right back home. Sakura said he’d make sure I’ll get to a cab safely after the bar closes and everything!

“Um,” you say again, but this time you have no follow-up.

“Wait,” Sakura demands, “what do you mean by ‘allowed her’? What, do you need to give her permission to work now or something?”

Suo smiles disarmingly at Sakura. Without missing a beat, he says, “Generally no. But we’re dating now, which complicates what she’s allowed to do with other men at her job.”

Sakura spits out his drink. You choke on your spit.

“I… um?!” Sakura’s staring at you, so you quickly recover. This is a mortifying lie, but it's better than Sakura finding out just how batshit Suo has become since his school days. “I thought we were going to keep that a secret, dear?”

“Ah, you're right. Sorry, I got too excited.” Suo gives you an endeared look before turning to Sakura. “We were going to keep it to ourselves unless we got serious about it. But we've been talking about marriage lately, so I thought it was fine to mention.”

“...”

You’re going to have an aneurysm. Why does every cover that Suo comes up with involve a marital relationship between the two of you?!

“Oh… holy shit.” Sakura’s expression is complicated—somehow, more complicated than yours, even though you’re the one getting cornered into a fake engagement. It's unbelievable how shy he still is about this kind of thing. Maybe it’s just particularly embarrassing since he's known you two for so long, you reason. Regardless, he remembers his social cues enough to say, “Congrats, guys. That's great. That's really great.”

Suo gazes fondly at you across the table. “We were thinking you could be our best man,” he adds, and you consider violently kicking his leg.

“O-oh. Uh, yeah! Sure! But what about Nirei?”

“Rather than having a maid of honour,” you say reflexively, used to lying through your teeth for Suo, “we’d like him to be our best man as well.”

“Oh. That makes sense.” Thrown off guard, Sakura completely forgets about the love hotel business. He whips out his phone. “When were you thinking of having your wedding? I'll put it in my calendar.”

“I’m not sure.” Suo turns to you. “What were we thinking again, dear?”

You're going to die. You're going to die and it's a good thing because if you survive this embarrassment, your future will be bleak. As soon as Nirei finds out about this, he’ll want to start helping you with wedding planning, and then it would just be too awkward to cancel things. You’ll have to enter a fake marriage with Suo, which will be completely sexless, because even with a vow of everlasting love, there are still too many concrete and materially consequential reasons for not sleeping with him.

Condemning yourself to a lifetime of sexual frustration, you reply, “I think we were talking about a summer wedding.”

The drive home is awkward.

Hanzo and Shuuhei pick the two of you up. Suo mentioned that he wanted to talk to you and you alone, so they bring the Rolls Royce with the privacy suite. The two of them are entirely cut off from you thanks to the soundproofing, which traps you with Suo, who’s drinking a bottle of oolong tea as the two of you sit in complete silence. You think he's waiting for you to squirm—which you do.

You stay like that for five, agonising minutes before Suo finally says, “So you're sleeping with your customers.”

You swallow. “Yes.”

“For business?”

“Yes.”

“How much do you make?”

You blink. “Huh?”

“How much do you get paid for a single night of work, including gifts that your customers give you in exchange for sleeping with them?”

You're halfway through citing your earnings when you realise where he's going with this.

“So you make less than you did at Red Dragon,” Suo concludes, “and you're very smart with your money, so I know you know that, and you probably went into this knowing that you'd end up at a net loss.” He turns to you, gives you a look so sharp that it almost scares you. All made worse by his civilian disguise, which makes him feel unfamiliar. His glass eye shines strangely in the light, and his scar tissue is hidden by the makeup you helped apply. You wish he'd taken it all off before having this conversation.

“So,” he says, “what’s the real reason you changed jobs?”

Already knowing that he’ll figure you out sooner or later, you admit, “I just wanted to start having sex again.”

Suo blinks. “You… what?”

“I wanted to have sex with people,” you repeat. “I hadn't been touched for nearly two years, okay? I needed to get laid or else I'd go insane.” You cross your arms and look away, suddenly feeling petulant. “I'm sure you've noticed that our arrangement makes it impossible for me to see people.”

He doesn't answer, because of course he's noticed. He’d designed his house rules with precisely this intent. If he accompanies you everywhere you go, then you can't exactly go on dates, and you definitely can't meet people for sex. Not unless you feel like having Suo watch as some anonymous guy fucks you, and you don't. As hot as the idea is, it’s definitely not platonic behaviour, and it would probably trigger the whole homicidal obsession thing.

“Do you like it?” Suo asks, startling you. You look at him, confused.

“What?”

“Do you enjoy having sex with your customers?” he asks. His voice and gaze are even. Unrelenting. “Does it make you happy?”

You stare at him, a deer caught in headlights. You didn't expect Suo to actually care about whether you enjoyed it or not, and you didn't really expect to care yourself either. But truthfully, you hated it. You simply weren't feeling it with most of your customers and avoided intercourse with all but one. Then in that one case you let someone earnestly fuck you, it was a complete letdown. Possibly the worst sex you'd ever had. You spent the whole time watching the clock, wondering how long it would take, and it turned out that your hookup had remarkable stamina but absolutely no technique. To pass the time, and in an attempt to feel something, you tried to imagine it was someone else who was inside you. You cycled through a whole list of people, including all of your exes, a few of your past customers, every single member of BTS, and then—finally, inevitably—your long-time friend, roommate, and landlord.

To your complete horror, when you imagined that it was Suo who had you folded in half, his cock so deep inside you that you could feel it in your throat, you came so hard that you drenched the sheets.

You lay there afterward as your customer showered, alone in the bed. Normally you'd be getting dressed at that point, but you were too distracted. You kept thinking about what it would feel like to be held by Suo after having your guts rearranged by him—embraced tenderly like you know he would do with you, kissing him platonically like you've always wanted to do with him—and you realised that you didn’t actually want to have sex with anyone else. Despite all your life experience, sexual experience, and job experience—in that moment, you felt like a lonely nineteen year old girl who wanted nothing more than to have romantic, vanilla sex with her best friend, but who was instead having impersonal, disappointing sex with various salarymen.

This was a feeling so disgusting that you’ve decided to never tell anyone at any cost.

“Yeah, it's fine. I guess I like it.” You pretend to study your nails. “Sometimes I cum, which is all I really want.”

Suo keeps staring at you. “That’s it?” he asks, voice measured and careful. You raise a brow, playing dumb.

“What do you mean?”

“That's all you want? Just to get off?”

You gaze out the window, trying not to look at his lips.

“Yes, that's all.”

No matter how batshit Suo gets, he always maintains a certain kindness and maturity in how he handles conflict with you. It's a lesson that he learned from his master, which has perhaps been distorted over time, but remains important to him nevertheless.

If you do something upsetting, Suo is never forceful about getting you to act differently. Sure, he has fucked up ways of either getting you to behave or making you understand the consequences of your actions, and perhaps he has his manipulative moments. It was probably not a good thing that he coaxed you into indefinite house arrest, for instance. But he never threatens you, and he never hits you, and he never disrespects you. In fact, more than anything, he makes it a point to never let you feel like you aren't loved.

So when Suo abandons you after that conversation in the Rolls Royce, you lose your fucking mind.

Suo doesn’t come home in the days following that evening, without any note nor explanation. For the first time in years, he stops replying to your texts. Your immediate thought is that he's been gravely injured or perhaps even killed, which sends you into a panicked spiral. But every one of his men who's come by to check on you has implied otherwise—but I'm not allowed to tell you anything else, anesan, I’m sorry, they all say. And when you realise that Suo is actually fine and he's just playing a fucked up mind game with you, one that makes you feel distinctly unloved, you feel simultaneously heartbroken and apoplectic. The man is not allowed to corner you into de facto imprisonment and then just fucking leave. In fact, if he tries, you might imprison him.

You spend a few days sitting at home and crying over this, as well as torturing yourself by thinking about useless things (fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, et cetera). But eventually, you get tired of wallowing in self-inflicted misery, and you decide to just track your fake husband down. His men have been adamant about not letting you out of their sight—presumably so you don’t fuck any more of your customers, because Suo can be spiteful like that—so you have to be strategic about your plan to find him.

You decide to do it during work. You tap out in the middle of a shift, feigning illness, so nobody bats an eye when you put on the most shapeless hoodie you own and throw on a face mask. Your chauffeurs (handlers) don't notice as you sneak off—and for the first time in years, you walk through the red light district all alone.

It feels strange not to be protected, and even stranger not to be surveilled. You marvel at the unfamiliar experience of complete freedom, and at the possibility of being able to run off and disappear if you so wished. But you don't, of course. Not only do you care too deeply for Suo to abandon him, you're also pretty sure he has your driver’s licence and ID card locked up somewhere. At least you haven't been able to find them, and Suo was oddly evasive about it when you asked. (I haven't seen them, he'd said, but I don't think you’d need either of those things immediately, anyway, do you? And you nodded in response, because it was true that you liked being his passenger princess too much to care about your licence.)

So rather than bolting for the subway, you head straight to your old workplace. The gleaming doors of Red Dragon welcome you as you cross its threshold, and you're greeted immediately by the scent of luxury colognes and expensive cigars—both evoking a strange nostalgia in you. Even the click of your heels against the marble floor feels familiar. You realise that you've missed the place despite its cutthroat culture and its owner’s authoritarian control over you, which you suppose isn't surprising. This club was more or less your home for years and, thanks to said owner, was the safest place you've ever worked.

And being that you feel you've returned to your very safe home, you don't expect it when you're abruptly stopped by the bouncer.

“Can I help you?” he asks, his arm in your way. You don't recognize him, but you see the edges of his irezumi peeking out from the rolled-up cuffs of his shirt.

“Yeah, actually,” you say. “I'm looking for Gui Yanzhao. Is he here right now?”

The bouncer—or chinpira, you guess—bristles.

“You're looking for who?”

“Yanzhao?” you say impatiently. “Eyepatch, tassel earrings? Owner of the club? Probably your boss?”

The bouncer steps forward and reaches for something in his pocket, which makes you suddenly nervous, and also makes you realise that in a hoodie and a face mask, you ordinarily wouldn't be allowed in this club, let alone into the room of its yakuza owner. You're so used to VIP treatment here that you simply forgot.

You take a step back. “Um. I think there's been a misunderstanding.” You lower your face mask, which doesn't help as you've never met this man, and he must be new. You’ll need to complain to Suo about his onboarding process later, if you aren't killed before you can find him.

It turns out that this yakuza rookie has a knife in his pocket, which is not the worst thing he could have been carrying, but is also not the best. You're getting ready to run in the other direction when a more senior member of the gang comes by. He gives you a startled look, which then turns alarmed when he sees his younger brother’s knife.

“Anesan!” he yells hurriedly, and he snatches the chinpira’s knife straight from his hand. His lunge for the weapon turns into a hurried bow. He pulls his colleague—whose face has turned very white in a very short amount of time—into an even deeper one. They look on the verge of prostrating.

“Oh, Yamashita. Hi! Is this guy new?”

“Yes! My sincerest apologies for my younger brother’s idiocy, and his insolence in raising a weapon at you.” There's a sheen of sweat on the back of his neck. “If you would like him to atone, then he would be more than happy to—”

“No, that's fine. I'd really like him to keep all his fingers.” If you have to see a rookie cut off his pinkie today, you think you might actually change your mind on running away. Fuck your documents—Suo can keep them. Surely life without proof of identity can't be that hard. “By the way,” you say, trying to change the topic before Yamashita can suggest alternative acts of atonement, “have you seen my husband?”

Yamashita hesitates at your question, looks conflicted. You feel a little bad for him, and for every other gang member who needs to worry about accidentally offending Suo. You watch him sweat for a full ten seconds before he says, “You can follow me. But anesan, you might find it unpleasant upstairs. I can find someone to drive you home instead, if you'd like.”

You give him a funny look. This was your workplace for a very long time—you can’t think of many things that would happen here that might seriously upset you. “What, is he cheating on me?” you guess.

“What? No! Aniki would never!” Yamashita seems genuinely shocked at the suggestion. “He's crazy about you!”

“Then I'm sure he’ll be happy to see me,” you say, although given that he's ignored your texts for four days straight, you aren't so sure. Regardless, this seems to be good enough reasoning for Yamashita, and you’re taken to the top floor of Red Dragon. You ponder the whole time, on the elevator ride up, just what exactly Suo’s been up to that's made Yamashita this nervous about letting you see him.

Then the door opens, and you’re given your answer in the form of several body bags—all cleanly zipped up and conscientiously laid out in front of the elevators in a single, neat row. A sight that is significantly worse than a rookie cutting off his pinkie finger.

“Oh,” you say faintly. You try not to throw up. “So this is why he hasn't been home.”

“Exactly!” Yamashita replies, beaming. “See, anesan, I told you. He'd never cheat on you!”

Suo is in the lounge of the top floor, which has been cleared of both civilians and corpses for the night. He's sitting on one of the couches, leaning back with his one eye closed, as if asleep. The golden tassels of his earrings are draped over the expensive leather of his seat, intertwined with his dark hair. A cup of tea sits in front of him, steaming. Even this far away, you recognize it by the scent alone: jasmine, probably from Longjing. One of the most expensive blends he has, and that which he saves for days he’s stressed, though he never admits it when he is.

The sight of him would almost look tranquil, except for all the blood on his knuckles and his cuffs.

Off to the side, two of his younger brothers are chatting away. One is pouring cups of some doubtlessly expensive liquor, and the other is smoking a cigar. There's karaage on the table too. You recognize all of this as part of a ritual that some of the guys like to do after a hit or a shootout, not dissimilar to getting ramen or McDonald’s after going to a club.

You catch a bit of their conversation as you approach. One of them holds up the liquor bottle (Isojiman sake, you now recognise from your girls’ bar days, one of the rarer bottles costing around nine million yen) and asks Suo if he wants to join. “No thanks,” he says predictably, “I'm on a diet.” Then he turns and looks right at you—startling you, because you had thought you were being fairly quiet—and gives you a smile so genuine that it reminds you of his Furin days. “Would my beautiful wife like to drink for me, though?”

“No thanks,” you reply, “but your beautiful wife would like to talk to you.”

The two guys clear out to give you some privacy. You’re left alone with Suo, feeling awkward after several days of resenting him for no reason. (You’d rather die than go to therapy, but the whole fear of abandonment thing is probably something you should start addressing.) You don't even know where you want to sit. Eventually, you settle for placing yourself next to him, which is a decision that Suo quickly overturns by pulling you into his lap.

A flutter erupts in your stomach as he settles you on top of him. This physiological reaction is absurd, as not even ten minutes ago, you were trying not to throw up at the line of corpses in front of the elevator. It should also scare you somewhat that Suo’s hands—delicately adjusting your body—are still covered in blood. But truthfully, you can't help but be happy when he makes you feel so loved.

You take one of the napkins on the table and start wiping at his knuckles. Tenderly, in case they're bruised or skinned.

“You didn't call or come home,” you start.

“I thought it would be too dangerous.”

You frown, thinking of all the bodies outside. “Was this a rival organisation?”

“No. They were ours.” He sighs. “A succession conflict. There are a few people who don't like how I'll run things if I take over.”

You nod. Suo is very old-fashioned in his ideals about the yakuza, which you think is an imprint of his master’s influence, and something that appeals to his current ‘father’. He values chivalry. He likes protecting the weak. His filial devotion to his deceased master has now extended to every member of his yakuza family, especially his oyassan. He’s almost certainly the top candidate for taking over after the oyabun dies, but being that part of his old-fashioned principles excludes lucrative projects such as sex trafficking, you suppose it’s natural that some people in his organisation would prefer him dead rather than in charge.

“You’ve never ghosted me during violent conflicts before though,” you say. “I was worried that something happened to you. Or that you were upset with me.”

Suo’s hand drops to your waist, pulling you a little closer.

“They knew where we live. They tried to get to you, you know.” Your eyes widen in alarm, so he cups your face with a palm. His thumb glides along your cheek, and your response is almost Pavlovian: your heart rate immediately slows at the comfort of his touch. “It’s fine. They won't bother you ever again.” The cheerful smile returns. “And if anyone else ever does, I'll handle them too.”

Your heart swells. Enthusiastic pledges of murder are not a healthy sign of affection, but after so much loneliness—whether from the past several days, or the years before that, you aren't sure—you can't find it in yourself to be disturbed. You feel and sound painfully fond when you reply, “I know.”

Suo’s expression dims a little then. “I thought you'd like the space anyway.”

“What?” You give him a confused look. You have never once given him any indication that you want even an inch of space from him. You'd crawl into his ribcage if you could. “Why would you think that?”

“I thought you felt suffocated. You left my club just so you could have sex with other people.” You blink, lingering on his wording. Other people. He continues before you can ask about it, sighing, “You didn't even ask me who I'd give permission to touch you. You just went ahead and decided on your own.”

“...”

You try not to look disturbed. Suo’s apparent wish to control your sexual decisions is news to you, and somehow more alarming than the murder pledge. And even worse—you immediately clench in response to his words. The thought of Suo dictating who does and doesn't get to touch your cunt is… well, your mind is heading in a distinctly non-platonic direction.

Trying to ignore the heat in between your thighs (but at the same time encouraging it), you ask: “Who would you have been, um, okay with touching me?”

“Sakura or Nirei,” he says immediately. “Though only Sakura would be interested.”

“What.” You gape at him, all arousal forgotten. “Bullshit. He would never.”

“Yes, he would.” Suo tilts his head. “Haven't you noticed?”

“I don't think there's anything to notice? And also—he’s so shy, I don't think he'd ever agree even if he were interested!” You give him a bewildered look. “He couldn't even look at us when we said we were getting married, he was so embarrassed!”

“Embarrassed?” Suo stares at you, an amused glint in his eye. “Is that what you thought was going on?”

“Was there anything else?”

He studies you for a moment, clearly entertained but not explaining why. “Well—it’s fine,” he says. “It doesn't matter for now. Especially since he's helping us plan a wedding and all.”

You make a face. “I still can't believe that's the cover you went for.”

“Are you upset with it?” he asks smoothly, and you huff and say yes, but from his sly look, you think he knows it's a lie.

Naturally, you deflect before he can further interrogate you. “So, given that you are now my fiancé, am I no longer allowed to work on Keisei Street and see customers after my shifts?”

You don’t expect it when Suo says, “No, you can.”

You stare. “What?”

“You can keep seeing customers if you'd like. You said it makes you happy, so why would I stop you?” Suo’s brow furrows, his usual calm replaced with concern. “Do you really think I do the things I do to make you miserable?”

Guilt gnaws at your heart. He looks so disappointed. “No,” you tell him. “I just thought it'd make you miserable that I was sleeping with people without your permission.” It is partly why you hid it from him in the first place, after all. You don't like to see him sad—you’re still haunted by the deep grief he was in, after your master died—and also, his misery tends to bring bodily harm to other people these days.

Cognizant of both concerns, you ask, “You’re really okay with me sleeping with my customers? I can stop, if you want.”

“No, it’s fine. I still don't like it, but you can continue for now if you want.”

Suo’s mouth curls—not in a gentle way, as has been his expression since seeing you walk in, but in a way that sets off your flight or fight response.

“I'm sure we’ll reach a mutual understanding soon enough.”

END PART 1

thank you genuinely if you read all that because this is a deranged au and I still can't believe I wrote it sldfkjsldfkj. please do let me know if you enjoyed my yandere suo delusions. sorry there was no smut in this chapter. I promise there is a ton in the next one (probably too much... lol. it's a 10k chapter and literally half of those words are about orgasm denial sldfkjalskdjdf). it's completely written and I hope to edit and have it up by next week!

also here is glossary of terms and world building notes if you are interested!

tagging @kweenkatsuki-fics !! <3

[survivor-north-sea]

Episode Eight: "May the odds be with me or not" - Esteban

Champagne

Ooooffff that tribal yikes, I’m really upset Brandi left bc I loved her but Bethany is always gonna be my true alliance and I never wanted to vote against my majority alliance but at least I made a power move🤪

Jayjay

*gasping for air* 👀 👀 👀 👀

Tyler Frazier

We just merged and guess what…I’m in an awful position! But that’s nothing new I’ve been in the same spot the entire game. I’m not on the bottom of one alliance I am on the bottom of 2! Actually I’m in neither of the majority alliances so that’s great! Plus I burned Raffy at the last tribal so I would not be shocked if he comes for me at this upcoming vote 🥰

Jayjay

Well that was a WILD tribal council. I didn’t think that a tromoya would flip right before merge but I’m not completely surprised. All I’m trying to figure out now is if my gut keeps telling me I’m Right about Raffy then it was him although I want so badly to be able to trust him! And if it was Brandi I’m glad she is gone. However my gut is really not letting me just go with the obvious and I’m thinking Champ or Raffy flipped. So either Champ is lying to Hairie and I and playing us. OR Raffy is really great at putting on a whole show and making us believe him to cover up his tracks. Either way I’m wary of both and only trust Hairie at this point.! On the bright side…. I made it to merge!!!! 🙏🏻🥹 🎉

Trinica

I picked the merge tribe name, another Survivor bucket list item crossed off! Tromoya's tribal was WILD and idk if it's my ADHD ass but I can't make head nor tails of what exactly happened or who's on whose side, so I'm excited to get the rundown from Bethany tomorrow. It seems like Raffy's in his feelings about folks not voting for Bethany and claimed he would flip at merge if they want to rocks, which is giving emotional player, which always makes me nervous. I like predictability and logic! But it is fun to watch, at least. Raffy actually seems really cool, I'd love to work with him. I just don't know if I could trust him.

I reached out to Tyler because Raffy shut him down with the QUICKNESS at tribal with his "I wasn't talking to you." It's the most Tyler's talked to me all game lol. I'm shocked that he stuck with Bethany and didn't flip, I apologize for saying there was no way he didn't immediately flip.

I'm honestly just exhausted today, I'm getting sick and just don't have energy to have multiple conversations AND work on this damn immunity challenge. I think I've already lost it to Raffy but I'm going to try my hardest because I wouldn't be surprised if AJ or I got targeted.

Hairie

This one is gonna be a STORY.

We lost the challenge and headed to tribal. I honestly didn't want Bethany to go and told her if she can get votes for Tyler we can push it through.

Being in a different timezone and all I was scared to go to sleep because I didn't want to miss out on strategising while the rest are up since its daytime for them but me knocking out minutes after !!!

An hour before tribal, I found out that my name is going around and for that reason I didn't want to sleep but didn't want to waste any more time so I got to scrambling and immediately told Jay I'll be 50/50 playing the idol tonight.

Come tribal .. It was a 4 votes Bethany and 4 votes for me and at this point I was internally screaming that I should have played the idol. Trusting the people that I stuck out for and a pretty insane tribal at that, the votes stayed the same after revoting and calling out each other and drawing the alliance lines right there and then, it was rocks. There seems to be a plan to go to rocks and in my head at this time was yelling Brandi flipped internally ( I could be wrong) but that was my judgement then. Rocks came and Brandi went home and if she did flipped, the rocks went our way and I still get to keep my idol.

I don't know who or how or when my name is being thrown around about me having an idol. I didn't have it only until recently at the market and that was by chance because Raffy didn't want the sweater.

Also kinda shocked Esteban called me out about not wanting to get to know him but I'm pretty sure I did though but all is good on that because it could be just how we interpreted the messages.

First individual immunity challenge was ... A LOT again screaming internally. (Takes a sip of coconut juice).

I was actually pretty shocked I found the first page pretty quick like I did 200-400 and then 111-199 then 900-999 and finally decided to go in the middle with 600 ... 617 Kaboom if I didn't had to prepare for work I would probably have located it in under an hour.

I screamed so many times during this challenge "Winterbell" "agar.io" and "2048" but the most difficult for me was the jigsaw puzzle , took me nearly 2 hours and then around 1 hour++ I checked back the Tumblr post and notice the image was right there smack in my face all this time MY GOODNESS.

Challenge made me feel all sorts of things > laugh, cry, scream, angry, frustrated but glad that it was over.

Getting to know the remaining casts as well and I like Trinica. Been getting to know a lot about her and some truths about Hidra and past tribal councils. She even gifted me a 10% advantage when she bought bread at the market. I do believe in good gestures and we can work together to vote out our targets if they don't win immunity.

and that's the tea from Hairie ~

AJ

So much has happened recently, it's super insane. Got my first tribal shoutout, ayyyyy. Seems like for the most part Raffy and Hairie want to work with me though so I'm not too worried about that all things considered. It seems like I could actually win this individual immunity, trying not to get my hopes up too high, better confessional will be up soonTyler FrazierTbh winning just is not my vibe this game. Like it’s just really not gonna happen. But that is okay! Here for a good time not a long one ig

Arvin Bentonon

1 hour left and I didn't even started the challenge. Huhu

Trinica

ESTEBAN!!!!! YOU LITTLE SNAKE!!!!!!! Miss me with the apology tour bullshit if you're going to turn around and tell Toni you're only apologizing to get me as a number and pick me off later! I keep thinking maybe he's changing his tune. But nope. an apology call after each backstab is smart gameplay, but only the first time my friend.

I want him O U T. But I'm about to play his game lol because I do need his vote at least for this first tribal. Tromoya might just win this because Hidra cannibalizes itself.

Raffy

Welp its been a fun ride, but I'm going home soon. No point in fighting the inevitable at this point lol. There really is no chance for this cocky bitch to win lmao. Everyone has already decided who I am for me. Can't change their opinions now.

Arvin Bentonon

Now, I really need to step up my game. This will serve as a wake up call for me to not take for granted individual immunities. I'm gonna fight til the end.

Trinica

I hope nobody is paying too much attention to the touchy subjects results because...it could kind of blow up my game. Not me getting 2 votes for closest ally!! I'm assuming it's Jinx and Toni BUT it's awkward because I didn't put either of them, and nobody put Toni. I think I can convince Jinx I put her if necessary, but I worry Toni will start feeling insecure in the vecepia alliance.

I also got a vote for who has an idol and who will win if they're not voted out , I honestly feel like both of those came from AJ because I voted her for both categories as well. We're playing Rusdian Roulette with this alliance (is that the right metaphor?)

Thankfully, she has 5 other people who think she's playing too hard. I think that result is what will pull attention, hopefully. Using AJ as a shield has always been the game plan, but she's making herself TOO much of a target at the moment.

Tyler Frazier

Raffy and Hairie are running a smear campaign on Esteban and I currently and Bethany is trying to defend us. Hope she does good work like the girlboss she is. However for me it’s just a bit odd for Hairie and Raffy to try and come for Esteban and I because what’s their argument? We know about the non mens alliance from them? They didn’t do whatever we wanted? We quite literally saved someone in their alliance when Bethany could have been a easy vote and would have made the merge a lot less messy. I hope that the 4 of them can see that and side with us and when it comes time to talk game I’m gonna make that clear to them aswell.

Esteban

First of all, my sincerity apology for not being able to play the challenge. It has been a long day. I hope this will not happen again (fingers cross)

So, Tony called me and told me about Raffy calling out my name and Tyler’s name. And it was confirmed by Bethany that Raffy really started to pulling the girls on his side. (Which I respect). But we will not backdown on this battle. I started talking to the HIDRA girls with exception of Jinx yet (as she might not available or just don’t wanna talk to me yet) and come clear and accepted my fault of calling their alliance out. I hope that would help. And I voting with Bethany should be a testimony that i wanna still work with them again until near end.

I hope with the backing of Toni and bethany that I will survive yet another tribal. But if not then no regrets, i played with my best and satisfied. Period. :)

And oh yes. Raffy started the war. So the only thing to do is to end it. May the odds be with me or not. :)

Jinx

merge jinxcast 🫶🏽💕 “i know i’m playing like a villain but i have a hero’s heart” https://voca.ro/1hdoVXSHz6HJ

i talk about where i’ve been, where i’m going, what weighs heavy and what could be better than i could even imagine. who i’ll be at the end of this journey and what does it mean to truly want something for yourself?

Toni

Theme: Struggle life.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that this has been a relatively game for most of the returnees but the way my anxiety is set up. I’m anxious every tribal even though my name isn’t up.

I’m also currently on holiday with the family. So struggle life trying to participate.

Signing off struggling.

Trinica

It's possible I'm being blindsided but I really think I'm running this vote. Raffy seems to trust me, Hairie and Arvin put me into a chat together and seem to trust me, Esteban thinks I've bought his BS (unless Bethany told him otherwise). I told Raffy Esteban's saying his name, I told Esteban Raffy's saying he's spreading my name around. I suggested to both we vote for JayJay to flush out the idol that the other might have. It's just beautiful. Everything is working according to plan.

JayJay is a boring vote but one that will cement Hidra in the majority without me having to sacrifice these new alliances.

My only worry is Bethany, who I think at this point is much more aligned with Tyler and Esteban than she ever was with us. I don't trust her at all.

Raffy

The strategy this round has been kind of crazy. I’ve basically given myself over to AJ and Trinica. I have made it very clear and explicit to a few people that I want Esteban to be taken out of this game. I want him gone because I just don’t know if I can ever really trust him at this point. He’s a person who smiles to your face while they’re stabbing you in the back. I believe he never really had any intention in working with me. Also it’s interesting hearing AJ’s side of the story as it makes Esteban out to be the person who overplayed. Anyways, I want him gone. Trinica was very receptive at first, but idol paranoia is at an all time high. She wants to flush any idols Esteban may have so she suggested that we actually vote for JayJay so that he doesn’t see it coming. I feel bad because I know JayJay hasn’t been feeling well and I don’t want to seem like I’m betraying old Tromoya. However, Trinica also told me that JayJay told Bethany that I have an idol. That’s definitely suspicious. If whoever voted with Bethany last tribal wanted Tromoya never to work together or wanted us to take each other out because of paranoia, it worked. Because all last tribal managed to do was give Hidra numbers, Bethany power in this game, and Tromoya to not be unified coming into merge. Congrats to those people. So I’m very hesitant to trust that JayJay didn’t vote for Hairie. Especially considering that she was expressing extreme hesitance in voting for Bethany. I don’t who to trust anymore. I just want Esteban out of this game. I don’t know if I’ll use my idol because maybe I won’t even need it to succeed and will need it later. But, how can I trust anyone if they all just think im the biggest threat. This game is too hard. If only we could go back to the OG plan of voting Esteban

Tyler Frazier

I just felt like I should give a confessional but I honestly don’t know what to say because every plan I’ve been told makes absolutely no sense and nobody cares enough about me to actually ask and or consider how I think the vote should go. Tempted to take a nap and wake up before tribal and just ask who I’m supposed to vote.

-

Honestly I think this round alone makes survivor Gabon look like a master class in gameplay bc we are all just collectively as a cast not slaying gameplay wise. At least we aren’t a boring cast though!

Trinica

Jinx I am begging you.....I am BEGGING YOU............please stop throwing wrenches in the voting plan 3 hours before tribal. PLEASE

Bethany

okay honestly this round is the biggest hot mess i have ever seen in my entire life.

first off all - i fucking slayed that challenge so hard and for what??? i could have taken a nap in the middle of it and still won. literally slackers :yawn: can't wait to be targeted next round for being an immunity threat <33

second of all - WHY DO PEOPLE IN PINK VENOM STILL THINK THERE IS ANY SEMBLANCE OF SECRET ABOUT ITS EXISTENCE????????? it literally could not possibly be more exposed and it is so irritating trying to work around these random nonsense split vote plans

third of all - champ is such an annoying ally this game i seriously can't with her much longer. she is MIA 24/7, does not advocate for tyler and i in any way, has no clue what is going on, and overall is just not someone i want to work with at this point!! i think she would honestly be in a much better position if she had committed to flipping to us and not having all of us lie and pretend its BRANDI WHO LITERALLY SAID SHE DID NOT FLIP it is the most unbelievable story ever and irritating because like ..... what is the point???

at this point i want to be voted off before ftc because i can't even explain any of this. it is so messy for no reason. also not a fan of pink venom all being so buddy buddy with raffy all of a sudden! it's really pissing me off when the entire reason i was targeted was because god forbid i worked with them again come merge and now that is exactly what raffy is doing here! glad to know it's cool for him but not me! KASJDF;LKDJSFKDSAFJKLDSAJF i can't i can't i can't not a single soul is playing this round well except maybe arvin because that man has said not a peep and that's smart as fuck like you go little goat give us nothing!!! it's better than the rest of this!!

-

Champ acting like we can orchestrate an entire vote with only 3 of us 90 minutes before tribal <33 ma'am.

-

vibes of everyone this tribal:

AJ/Trinica - proposing crazy splits that don't add up mathematically, in denial about pink venom being a secret Toni - just vibes Arvin - who? Champ/Jayjay - clueless era Esteban - paranoid Hairie - no idea Jinx - in love with raffy Raffy - controlling everyone because they are sheep who believe anything they hear, king who needs to be taken out Tyler/I - lord help us

Tyler Frazier

I have had to take Tylenol two times today from the headaches I’ve gotten trying to figure out what’s happening tonight. Anyways I’ll be back when I know who I’m supposed to vote and I’ll probably still be confused and or annoyed

Bethany

not trinica calling an alliance with AJ in it the “non-chaotic” players

Tyler Frazier

I’m gonna vote for Hairie bc that’s what I was told but apparently that’s not the real plan. Or it is. Who knows? Not me Esteban or Bethany

Hairie

Sleeping and waking up to last minute scrambling again. Turns out it was me and wrong to trust Trinica and a few others. Going out with the cutest outfit ever and first member of the Jury. I'm rooting for Raffy Jayjay or Trinica to win.

[perexcri]

Fannon here for one last review for THaBA😭

I’m sad it’s over but happy it happened and that you gave us so so many wonderful wonderful chapters.

Officially officially, definitely top two, in the type of way where it’ll switch places with the number one spot every other day. I love this fic so much I want it on a bookshelf or something, so I can bring it out whenever I want and just reread it and I Will be rereading this, I’ve got it bookmarked and everything.

I’m so happy Mike and Will got their kiss(es). And thank goodness that Jonathan is a byler enabler. He’s deffo caught between being a protective older brother and being happy Will’s happy.

And I’m just. So happy for them. Your Mike and Will specifically deserve the world (esp bc they’re written so well that I want them to be so so happy)

rhejdhejdhehd Dustin and Lucas knowing makes me so. Good good epilogue thank u for the gift of Lucas pov

I love love love this fic and you are great author and I can’t wait to see what you do next!! I hope you are doing so very wonderful.

Ahh hello fannon!! Your words are always appreciated :] now please forgive me because I will probably respond with twice as many words because I don't know how to shut up when I'm in front of a keyboard, so I'll put most of this response under a cut lol

I'm genuinely honored that this is one of your favorite Byler fics T_T there are so many good writers for this ship that it's insane to me that something I wrote would be in anybody's top two or three. It also makes me happy to hear it's one you'll be rereading!! I know it's different for lots of people, but for me, I have to really like something in order to reread it, so I take it as a very high compliment that you like it that much!!

Yes!! The dorks finally got to kiss, and it only took like 135k words :'D But also - I read your message last night but hadn't gotten around to answering it until now, but the phrase "byler enabler" in reference to Jonathan has already entered my vocabulary with full force lol. I love it so so much

Overall, I'm glad I could give them a satisfying ending and bring them the resolution they needed after everything they went through in this story. I was pretty much settled on how I felt about these last chapters when I posted them, but I was still a little nervous that they wouldn't quite stick the landing. I'm glad they did, though, and I'm glad Mike and Will get to be happy :D

And I'm glad you liked the very last chapter!! It was so much fun to write. Fun fact: it was originally supposed to be from Dustin's pov! About a couple weeks ago I decided I liked Lucas too much and had to make it from his pov (no offense to Dustin - he's great, but he doesn't capture my attention quite like some of the other characters)

Anyways - thank you once again for your kind words!! I'm glad you enjoyed my writing and you like this fic so much. It means a lot to me, not just because I put a lot of work in it and like that that's being recognized, but because something I made was able to give you a little happiness? Idk it's a great feeling and yes hopefully in the future I can provide more little stories for you to enjoy. I gotta take a little break though because my brain feels like mush (and I have so many fics I need to read it's insane)

Thanks again for stopping by fannon!! I wish you all the best as well :] 💜💜💜

[leafcabbage]

hi hello very cool tumblr user leafcabbage. i sent an ask a few days ago abt starting your fic i dont remember if i was on anon but if i was then thats me!

anyways bc i'm clinically insane i finished binge reading ycssgwtlfs this afternoon and haven't been able to stop thinking about it actually!! sometimes the it gets worse before it gets better trope isn't my cuppa but you definitely made it work so well if not for the SHEER amount of hurt no comfort liiiiikeeeee omg omg omg omg that series of chapters where ranboo was just slowly losing their grip was just so exhausting to read (shals pos so slash pos!! i mean that like it very deeply emotionally affected me!!) and i am so here for it because it made the comfort at the end so so worth it. very excited to continue w the next parts :D

i also loved the little moments scattered throughout. i want to see so much more of techno and wilbur's relationship because that is really fascinating to me. i could read a whole other fic about that actually they have a great dynamic also bc we saw both their biggest flaws come to the forefront when trying to help ranboo. its just interesting. and!!!!! woah?! whats up with big q and techno?!! intrigue moment!!!!

and even though dream was a piece of shit (btw you wrote the gaslighting SO WELL that is exactly what it feels like. i was genuinely nervous everytime i read his name because we don't know whether ranboo was gonna get manipulated until he started talking. i thought it was a great detail that dream's mood was always the first thing we learned in every scene's narration because ranboo had to walk on eggshells with him. GOOD SHIT!!!! GOOD SHIT!!!!!!!!!) i rlly hope he gets out of that clearly toxic family eventually. how dare you make me empathize with him >:[

and purpled my beloved...... idk i just liked his and ranboo's dynamic. it was cute and i really liked seeing him and punz at the end. he is in the bathroom a lot. hope the guy is doin okay. i took that uquiz you made bfore i started reading the fic and i got him, so i am just attached ig oopsies. also tubbo and tommy's roomie was such a good moment it was genuinely really wholesome and is like my new favorite long build up joke ever :D

(also ahhh sorry if its annoying that i'm sending this in ask form instead of just commenting, especially since its kinda long!!!!!! but my eyes hurt from staring at the ol screen, tumblr interface is just a lot less headachy lol, thanks for writing such a wonderful fic and i hope youre having an awesome day!)

ahh this made me so happy!!! dont worry about sending it in ask form, i love seeing the little blue dot that means i have an ask, its very exciting. this did genuinely jumpscare me (in a funny way), which sound so dumb but i open the ask box and saw a long ask and went "woah!!" and genuinely actually jumped. thought you might enjoy learning that.

long answer so

i really really work hard on making the hurt worth it for the comfort, and having enough time to have that comfort and recovery. i think it helps that im writing a full series so if something wasnt dealt with in ycssg, i have quite a few more fics to deal with it and create closure. but im glad it was worth it! and it got tiring for me writing those chapters to be honest, it draws out just a little long and that was on purpose. it doesnt end at the perfect time, like in an ideal world ranboo would have accepted help at thanksgiving and that would be the beginning of things getting better, but thats not how life works. ranboo did not willingly seek out help, and thats an important part of the story. they accepted help because they were convinced they were literally dying and didnt know what else to do. and then they were somewhat reliant on tommy and tubbo, and if that hadn't been the case things wouldn't have ended up where they were.

sorry im now just talking about my own fic, that was all to say thank you ajshdlfk

thank you with the relationship comment too! i really wanted to make it clear that everyone has a life outside of the bench trio too, so in my head they have semi fleshed out stories and lives. especially dream. theyre all real people (or as real as fake people can be) not just props

dream was such a complex character to write, and he continues to be, and i love writing him so fucking much. he's ranboo's antagonist but he isnt evil and inherently awful, he has his own life and his own problems (which doesnt make what he did to ranboo ok at all, but thats just to say that hes a person out side of it) and im glad the emotions in his scenes came through so clearly!

purpled has ibs thats canon and its because i have ibs and i thought it would be funny. love the guy, really. hes one of my favorite side characters. i love him and im glad you like him too he deserves to be liked. IM GLAD YOU LIKED THE ROOMIE i have this ongoing joke with myself that he was fridged but in like a moving out kind of way. he was uhauled. hes my favorite NPC <3

im glad you enjoyed ycssg so much!! and i hope you enjoy the next fics too!!! this ask made me smile very much so thank you for that!!

[daae-dancer93]

Hello Beautiful! I'm sorry you haven't heard anything from me in the last few days. I was a little bit buisy with work& went to a concert. But now I am here for you again. What is your fave phantom movie? WestEnd or Broadway? Do you have any wishes for your present? Is there anything you want to know from me? Just let me know :) Sincerely your S.S.

I’m glad you are ok! I was worried about you that maybe you didn’t keep your hand at the level of your eyes. I understand busy the show I’m doing opens on Saturday and I just got a new dance partner and it’s insane. And I’m feeling a little nervous.

My favorite phantom movie? Hmmm. Non musical Charles Dance - Musical definitely the RAH recording. I actually would say west end over broadway but I love the current broadway cast. But that may just be because it’s like a big love never dies reunion right now over there lol.

Christmas wishes. Well I discovered the new Anna and Elsa palates and make up sets that Ulta is selling so my eyes have been wandering. I just can’t decide which I like more 😂 I’m also a dancer so I’m always in need of new leotards as well. But If you don’t want physical gift options I would love more art of my phantom OC! Charlotte. 🥰 her description is in my profile and she’s actually featured in today’s (Dec. 7) Poto Advent calendar story!

[gettatranslations]

I Ate It！Yumigeta Ako (23.10.15)

Good evening🌛

I'm Yumigeta Ako 🛑

Thank you very much for all of your snack recommendations‼️

For savoury snacks you mentioned Kaki no Tane、Bakauke、onigiri senbei、kinako mochi、potato crisps…

And for sweet snacks、you mostly mentioned chocolately things like Alfort！

Yeah、I totally agree…。

A mix of sweet and savoury、is just the best〜

Also local delicacies！

Okay so、looking at your responses

Maybe、there are lots of dishes that only exist in certain areas、so you don't realise that so you don't think of it as a 「Local delicacy」？！

There were a lot of comments saying 「There aren't really any local delicacies from my area…」、which is what made me think that。

But I completely understand。

The other day I found out that 「Fried Kuro Hanpen」 isn't served in school lunches anywhere else！

I bet the citizens of Shizuoka prefecture will know what I mean 🤣 Fried Kuro Hanpen always appears in school lunches right 笑lol（With fish and fried rice balls）

Although I wanted to learn about dishes from other areasー、I noticed something interesting from these unexpected results so I'm glad I asked！

Thank you very much for answering‼️

Also today…

Was the end of our Osaka performancesー‼️

This time we had 4 performances over 2days、and I managed to give my all in every performanceー！！！！

It was so much fun♡

...

I feel like I'm finally getting used to your cheers and calls（At our First Event I was surprised each and every time 笑lol）

And before 「Suggoi FEVER！」 today you all went 「Ohh」、which was insane🤦‍♀️

I exclaimed like 「Uwaa」！

I really feel like our performances are a success because you're all there getting fired up！

Everyone、you're so Suggoiii

And And

Today was Fukumura-san's last Osaka performance！

Today I was surprised when I realised that when we come to Osaka on our next tour Fukumura-san won't be there。

...

Next up is Ehimeー！！！！

My first time in Shikoku！！！！！！

I'm nervous about going to a new venue for the first time but I've managed it every time so far、so I'll do my best😊

I'm so excited〜！

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Well then it's time for today's 【Gettaa Life】✨

Today…

I ate…

That thing I really wanted⤴︎

Tatatatatatataakoyaki❤️

...

I just couldn't forget the takoyaki I ate at our First Event、and I've been wanting to eat it again for ageーs so I'm thrilled that I had it today！

Ah、by the way I drew the background myself

Each takoyaki has a slightly different amount of seasoning so take a look okay 💕︎

...

I really do love Osaka takoyaki♡

I Getted 「The flavour of Osaka's Speciality」✨️

If I have time to go sightseeing next time I'm in Osaka、

I want to try touring around a bunch of takoyaki stores〜❗️

...

That's all！This has been 【Gettaa Life】！

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T/N News and information has not been translated

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...

And did you notice anything different in today's photo？

My double eyelid is thinner that usual…

My right eye is pretty much a total monolid！

So I used a brighter coloured eyeshadow than ususal！

I'm glad you can see the colour more clearly than usual〜

I also extend my eyeliner more on monolid days〜( ◜ω◝ )

What do you think、does it suit me？笑lol

Well then I'll see you tomorrow！

This has been YumiGettaa Ako！Good night🐥🐥🐥