#I was in a goddamn fan film we were so obsessed

[slaymitchswaggernathy]

As an elder in the hunger games fandom, the weight of aging crashing over me is unparalleled.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A TEENAGER IN THE EARLY 2000s, LIKE WDYM I MISSED THE PRIME HUNGER GAMES YEARS.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO READ THE BOOKS THE SECOND THEY CAME OUT AND I SHOULD'V BEEN CRYING WHEN THEY ANNOUNCED THE MOVIESDFJHDUH.

LIKE I SWEAR TO GOD GUYS I PICKED UP THESE BOOKS THE SECOND I TURNED 13 BUTTTT LIKEJDKSHKJRH. IT'S NOT FAIR, I'S SO DAMN JELOUS OF EVERYONE WHO GREW UP WITH ITYFUHFSU.

[godmadeaterribleerror]

More Than You Could Ever Know - Part 2

Series Masterlist

Author's Note: Big bonus chapter for fans of Ben being obsessed with Her.

Title from All I Want For Christmas is You by Mariah Carey

Word Count: 9.2k

Chapter Summary/Warnings: Ben and Ryan go shopping, and you all try to find a tree. Usual Warnings.

Tags: Soldier Boy/Supe!Female Reader, canon divergence, tooth rotting fluff, established relationship, Christmas Special

Part 1 - Part 3

Read on A03!

Ben wasn’t sure when stores got so fucking big. He’d seen big box stores before—despite what She insisted, he wasn’t a fucking dinosaur—but this was downright insane. It was a goddamn warehouse, and a poorly designed, maze-like one at that. There was no fucking logic to any of this shit, because Ben took a turn from what seemed to be an electronics isle and ended up surrounded by fucking cheese. It didn’t help that it was only him and Ryan, and they both needed Her for this modern navigation shit. But She was off doing her stupid surprise—Ben had tried to call it a secret again and She’d stuck Her tongue out and flipped him off—so they had to figure this shit out alone, together.

It wasn’t going that well.

“What the fuck are these.” Ben grunted, his eyes narrowed on the shelf in-front of them, filled with weird looking, round stuffed animals. And a mango. And one brown thing that seemed to be staring into his goddamn soul.

Ryan—standing at Ben’s elbows and tapping his fingers on the half-full cart—shrugged nervously. “I think they’re called Squishmallows?”

“Stupid fucking name. What’s that,” Ben gestured to the brown one. “Even supposed to be-“

“Pancakes.” Ryan mumbled. “I think?”

“Huh.” Ben glowered at the plushie, and realized Ryan had nailed it. Stuffed pancakes. She’d like stuffed pancakes. ��Good work, kid.”

Ben grabbed the pancakes, tossed them into the cart, and tried not to drown in the hot, bright pride bursting in his chest at Ryan’s grin as he started to push the cart once more.

“Wait.” Ben halted Ryan with a hand on his shoulder, and pointed back to the shelf. “You want one?”

Ryan turned a little red, his voice a soft fucking whisper as his heart stumbled in his chest. “Yes, please.”

“Grab it and we’ll get moving.”

Ryan nodded, choosing one of the weird animals—Ben would figure out exactly what the fuck it was later, but his best bet right now was a cat—and they moved on through the store.

“We got your pants.” Ben scanned around the store, half his attention on what they were supposed to be doing and half on making sure no fucking pussies started filming them. “And the shit for dinner.”

“And Butcher’s shirt,” Ryan added, and when Ben glanced down at him, he was frowning at the cart. “Do you think he’ll like it? He has shirts.”

Ben shrugged. “Everyone has fucking shirts, Ryan. Butcher will just be damn grateful you got him something.”

Ryan hummed, sounding slightly unconvinced, his bod still tensed, so Ben kept talking. 

“And the asshole is fucking impossible to buy for. Trust me, kid, the shirt was a good idea. Butcher will like it.”

“Did you,” Ryan looked up at Ben with widened eyes. “Did you buy him something?”

“Have to. Got him for Secret Santa. And, fuck, don’t tell,” Ben muttered Her name. “I told you that shit. Supposed to be a fucking secret.”

“I won’t.” Ryan shrugged. “I mean, you’ll probably tell her, right?”

Ben snorted, because he would tell Her. The first damn thing he’d do when She got home was pull her into a long kiss and grumble against her lips that he’d told Ryan. And She’d hit his chest and give him a flat glare, teasing him about really not understanding the secret part of Secret Santa, and that would be it. 

And Ryan fucking knew that. He knew that She and Ben didn’t lie to each other, and that when she hit Ben it was never painful or angry, and when Ben rolled his eyes at Her it was because she was a pretty fucking brat with a smart mouth, and he wouldn’t have her any other damn way. Ryan knew they’d never hurt or be really mad at each other, and he was finally starting to fucking get that they’d never hurt or be mad at him. 

It was why, when Ben shook his head and kept walking—never going faster than Ryan could keep up with—the kid’s heart stayed even, and his face remained relaxed. Relaxed for Ryan, so still a little fucking small and nervous, but without panic or fear. And that was as much as Ben could ask for, because he wouldn’t have Ryan any other way either.

“What else do we need.” Ben asked, keeping his vigilant watch on the store around them as Ryan responded.

“Um, I need scrabble for Kimiko?” Ryan mumbled Her name, and Ben’s whole fucking body roared with love from the goddamn sound of it. “Needs something too- as well.” Ryan corrected himself, and Ben chuckled at his puffed-out chest and toothy smile.

“Good work, kid.” He muttered, patting Ryan on the back. “Got ideas?”

“For-“

Ben said Her name, and She glowed a little around his skull. He really fucking missed Her, and if he couldn’t sense that she was a least half-way across the damn city he’d go find Her. Keep his gaze away from Her stupid fucking surprise, but also keep Her by his side. Make Her help him and Ryan with this shit, because She’d know what to do. She always fucking knew what to do.

He’d missed Ryan’s answer. Ben had gotten so lost in the instinct of Her, alight in his body, that he hadn’t heard what the hell Ryan was trying to get her.

“What.”

“Butterfly bush.” Ryan mumbled, staring sheepishly at the cart. “I read about them in my science class? They’re plants that attract butterflies, and you said she likes butterflies? I dunno-“

“Ryan.” Ben snapped, making his voice stern. He didn’t know how to do that soft, sweet shit She did, but Ryan seemed to understand his own, harsher words just as well. Understand that Ben wasn’t fucking mad, just firm in what he said. “That’s a good fucking idea. They sell them here?”

Ryan nodded slowly, his heart slowing to an easy rhythm. “I think so?”

“Well,” Ben shrugged, looking around for some sort of sign that said Perfect fucking gift for amazing wife. “Let go find it.”

It took half a fucking hour, but they found the butterfly bush. Stashed in the back of the goddamn store, real damn pretty and all fucking pink and green. She’d fucking love it. Ben grunted that to Ryan, that this was a damn good gift, and the kid looked like he might explode with joy and pride. Christ, Ben might explode with joy and pride. They’d managed to get everything She’d asked them to—gifts, clothing, food—plus some extra shit like the pancakes, nobody had died, and he and Ryan were doing an amazing fucking job knowing Her. Ben had all his gifts for Her lined up, and they were fucking excellent, but the butterfly bush was a stroke of goddamn genius. Ben wasn’t sure where the hell Ryan got his brains from, because Ben wasn’t an idiot, but he wasn’t that fucking smart, and Homelander had been a goddamn pussy dumbass. Maybe the kid’s mom, Butcher’s dead wife, but a smart lady shouldn’t have married fucking Butcher.

She’d say people might argue that She shouldn’t be married to Ben, but that she also loved him and adored him, and didn’t really fucking care what random fucking pussies thought about them. That maybe Ryan’s mom had seen something better in Butcher, just like She saw something better in Ben. 

But that was why Ben was almost certain Ryan had to, somehow, against all fucking odds, be related to Her by blood. The kid was too generous like that, too kind like that, too fucking smart to be anything else. Ben could fucking see Her on Ryan’s face as they wandered through the store for Kimiko’s scrabble. See Her in the wide awe at all the stupid shit on the shelves, in the real, raw fucking happiness when they found what they were looking for. 

See Her in the slight, hopeful gape on Ryan’s face as the kid halted in front of a terrarium, tracking the turtle inside with bright eyes.

Fuck, Ben could hear Her in Ryan’s voice. Hear that soft, gentle nervousness She had when she asked Ben for something. The tone Ben could make himself say no to if he tried.

Shit.

“Can we get it?” Ryan whispered, pointing to the turtle, swimming real goddamn slow around its tank. “Please?”

Ben scowled. That thing was real goddamn small—easily crushable if he and Ryan weren’t careful—and alive. It was fucking alive. It would need to be fed and cared for, and fuck Ben if he was going to do that-

“I’ll take care of it.” Ryan added, and Ben realized the kid had turned to look at him. Look at him with fucking puppy eyes. “I promise. It’ll stay in my room, and I’ll feed it and watch it and clean its tank-“

“Ryan.” Ben grunted. “Why the fuck do you want a turtle-“

“I like them.” Ryan glanced back to the tank. “They’re really peaceful. And, um, I just think they’re cool. I’ve always wanted one.”

Ben raised his brows. “Always.”

Ryan nodded. “I, um, I couldn’t get one. Mom said it was because I was too young, but I think it was because of, of the thing-“

“Fine,” Ben grunted, glaring at the turtle. He’d been going to give in anyway, might as well do it before the kid got all fucking sad in the middle of the store. Where random fucking asscucks could film it and put it online. Ryan could cry in the car, or when they were home, or when Ben was allowed to break phones and faces when people tried to exploit his son’s pain. Not when it could be avoided by buying a stupid fucking turtle. “But,” he said Her name, already reaching down the connection. “Has to approve this shit first. Deal?”

Ryan nodded eagerly, and Ben called Her name between their heads.

Benjamin. Is everything-

We’re fine. Ben glowered at the turtle, his voice a little lower than he’d like. Can we get Ryan a turtle.

There was a moment of silence before She responded, long enough for Ben to wonder if she somehow hadn’t heard him. What.

Ryan wants-

I heard you, Ben. But it’s December in Pennsylvania, where the fuck did you find a turtle for Ryan to want it.

Ben smirked into the air. Costco. This place is a fucking marvel, Sunshine, I got burger meat and pants-

I know how Costco works, my love. Why are you looking at turtles.

Ryan wants it.

She sighed in Ben’s head. I got that. He knows turtles can live for, like, twenty years, right?

Ben frowned. “Ryan, how long do turtles live.”

“Some can live for fifty years! And they’re so small, isn’t that cool?!” 

Ben grunted, reaching back to Her. He knows. And he promised to take care of it.

Where does he want to keep it-

His room.

There was a beat of silence, and Ben knew She was considering it. He could practically fucking feel Her brain thinking.

I’m worried he’ll crush it, Ben. She mumbled in Ben’s head. He’s so much better at controlling his strength now, but if something happens on accident, he won’t forgive himself. 

I know. But I’ll make sure that shit doesn’t happen. Ben watched Ryan carefully as he muttered to Her in the silence. I’ll carry it home, and Ryan and I can do some grip exercises to practice. He really fucking wants it, Sunshine. 

She let out a long, slow breath in the sounds of the store around them. Okay. He can have one. But it’s your ass if something happens to it, Benjamin.

Ben grunted an agreement, rolling his eyes at the air, but he knew She could feel his affection, warm and stupidly fucking gooey in his body. Feel the radiance over his ribs when he nodded an affirmation at Ryan, and the kid grinned so widely it made something in Ben’s chest goddamn explode with pride.

“Thank you!” Ryan bounced slightly on his toes, grabbing Ben into a tight hug. “I’ll take good care of it, I promise. Thank you-“

“You’re welcome, kid.” Ben grunted, because She’d punch him if he just dismissed Ryan’s thanks. “Let’s grab it and get home.”

Ryan didn’t stop smiling for the rest of the goddamn week. She didn’t stop smiling for the rest of the week. She got home from Her secret, kissed Ben with a bright, happy hum Ben could feel everywhere around him, and let Ryan drag Her upstairs to look at the turtle. 

“Oh, wow.” She titled Her head at it, crouching next to the tank with Ryan watching Her nervously. “That’s adorable, Ry. Have you named it?”

“Um, maybe? I’m not sure it’s a good name-“

“What is it?”

Ben could hear Ryan’s heart stutter nervously. “Bowser?”

She laughed. An amused, perfect, easy laugh with a pretty smile and nod that made Ryan’s heart ease, and Ben’s entire existence so fucking good. 

“I like it.” She nudged Ryan’s shoulder with her’s, still watching the turtle. “It looks like a Bowser. And if we get a cat we can name it Koopa.”

Ben glared at Her. “We are not getting a fucking cat, Sunshine.”

“Fine,” She smiled at him, pretty eyes sharp and amused on his, full of love Ben could feel in the whole goddamn world. “A dog.”

He rolled his eyes, Her smile only grew, and Ben couldn’t find it in himself to be really, truly pissed. She was too fucking perfect for that. Everything was too fucking perfect for that lately. Because the next week passed in a blur, and it was almost all perfect, happy shit like this. It was kissing Her and helping Ryan wrap his gifts, eating dinner with his goddamn family every night, talking to them and watching tv with them and laughing with them.

Even work wasn’t entirely fucking dogshit. Kimiko and Frenchie were just a weird as before, but Ben was used it by now, and he’d even started to pick up some of that sign language shit. Enough to understand what gestures were names and when Kimiko was asking him a basic question about Her or Ryan. How they were doing—really fucking good—and if She would be picking Ben up from work. On office days She usually did, and they were always there for an extra damn hour as She and Kimiko got caught in a conversation, Ben and Frenchie standing awkwardly off to the side.

But Ben had adapted to that as well. Learned how to talk to Frenchie more, enough to ask him for a favor. A favor for Her that Frenchie had said yes to without hesitation, and they’d been working on for about two weeks now. 

And everything was really damn good.

If every rogue supe in the country didn’t take a fucking break until New Years, Ben was going to start killing people again. 

His whole damn day had been spent in the car. Four hours to New York and back, half the time it had taken to do the actual fucking mission. And the only reason they weren’t in and out of that in twenty minutes was because the bitch had decided to run, and she didn’t have a no-murder rule. And Ben was fucking busy. They had to get their tree today, Ryan had to be picked up from school, and Ben had to talk to Her about what the fuck they were going to do about Butcher’s gift.

He wished She was here. She’d have backed the Ice Lady—or Queen or Countess or Duchess, Ben couldn’t be fucked to remember—into a corner in ten damn minutes, and they wouldn’t have had to use Frenchie’s dogshit flamethrower to sedate the bitch and get her into the van. She wouldn’t have sneered and mocked the SFBI agents when they turned the Ice Lady in, or spilled coffee on their evidence for arrest, dragging out the process another forty minutes. She wouldn’t have missed the exit off the goddamn highway.

Actually, if Ben was being honest about the woman he loved, She probably would have missed the exit. She was amazing at fucking everything, but not driving. 

But She was also fucking fast. Ben would’ve been home a damn hour ago if She had gone with them. 

He wouldn’t have been ten minutes late to pick up Ryan either.

He hadn’t stop to change when Butcher dropped him back home. He’d grabbed the keys and fucking booked it to the school. Ryan would be okay by himself until Ben got there—and Ben would explain, because the kid wasn’t allowed to think She and Ben would ever fucking forget about him—and She hadn’t reached down the connection to ask why the hell Ben was late, so everything was fucking fine. Butcher and his reminders about getting the Ice Lady paperwork in before Friday could shove it, because anyone could fill out a damn form, and Ben might have been the one who actually caught Ice Lady, but Kimiko had been right goddamn next to him. If it was that fucking critical, she could do it. Ryan was more important. 

He didn’t bother to lock the car when he parked it. The time it took to get Ryan wasn’t long enough to hot-wire, and if anyone tried to steal Ben’s property, he’d throw them onto the roof. And Ben’s property was a frost-bitten jacket and gun. Only a dumb fucking pussy would try and jack a car that had a gun.

Picking Ryan up from school was always a fucking trial. It was a nice school—She’d found it, working her perfect fucking ass off to make sure they treated Ryan like any other damn kid—and most of the kids weren’t entirely little shits, but Ben was one more goddamn incident from punching a parent. There were dumb ones, who seemed to think Ryan was some sort of fucking threat to their children, and the fucking pussies who’d been brainwashed by Vought and Homelander, who didn’t like Her. The school had received a petition to ban Her from school events, because She was a murderer and felon—She’d been fucking pardoned, and everyone She’d murdered goddamn deserved it—and She’d spent a handful of days quiet and hollow. Only eating when Ben put food in front of Her and told her to, only moving mechanically—her every gesture and breath over-controlled—and only sleeping when Ben held Her and ran his hands through her hair, muttering soothing words.

“You’re not a murder,” Ben had said Her name, kissing her brow as She clung to his chest and his whole fucking body felt ill. “You’re a good fucking person. Better than any of those pussies-“

“They’ve never,” She’d taken a long, slow breath, and curled her smoking hands in his shirt. “They’ve never killed anyone. Good people aren’t murders-“

“Good is respective.” He’d tugged lightly on Her hair, just enough for Her to look up at him. Pretty, sharp eyes that were glossy and heavy, that made something in Ben’s chest fucking contort and ache. “They’ve never had to kill Homelander, or Sage, or fight their fucking asses off to keep the damn world spinning. You did, and you didn’t ever fucking break.” He’d dropped his brow to Her’s, holding Her soft, tragic gaze. “You’re fucking perfect, and they’re just sad, weak fucking idiots.”

She’d nodded, letting out a strangled, slightly pleading sob, and Ben had understood. He’d just had to stay there, and hold Her until this passed. It always fucking passed, and Ben always stayed by Her side until it did. Until Her body went loose in his arms, and her hands drifted up to hold his face as she offered him a soft—but really fucking real—smile. 

“Subjective.” She’d whispered, playing with the hair of his beard. “Good is subjective.” Ben had rolled his eyes, and Her smile had grown. “Smartass.”

She’d hummed, guiding Ben’s lips down to her’s, kissing him until Her heart was at an even pace again, and Ben could breathe again. 

I’m your smartass, Pretty Boy.

Damn right you’re mine, he’d pulled Her lower lip between his teeth, smirking at Her breathy moan. I fucking love you, brat.

I love you too. She’d wrapped her arms around his neck, and Ben rolled them over, keeping Her safe and warm and happy under his body.

He’d kissed Her into the mattress until there weren’t any ghosts of horror over her beautiful features, until that presence of Her felt like a halo over his head. 

Am I allowed to kill them. He’d said between their heads when they’d separated, his weight dropped carefully over her body as She played with his hair and he rubbed circles on her skin. Just fucking one, Sunshine. Let me kill one.

Maybe one.

Her answer had been quick, and Ben had looked up at Her with a surprised grin. You’ve got a fucking name?

I didn’t say that-

Is it Pigtail’s dad-

No-

Puppy Pack’s mom-

Ben-

Glitter Glasses-

Benjamin. She’d whacked his chest, giving him a stern glare that didn’t even make him flinch, because that was Her glare when she wasn’t really mad at Ben, but was just being a too kind, too perfect miracle of a woman. Learn the children’s names.

He’d given Her a flat look. I’ll learn their dumbfuck names when they stop acting like Ryan’s got the fucking plague. Who is it.

You’re not allowed to say anything. Or kill anyone.

Ben had nodded, watching Her carefully as she took in a long breath, burying Her face as she answered.

You know the girl who always wears the leopard-print boots-

Yeah. Cat Boots.

Georgia, Ben. Her name is Georgia.

I don’t give a fuck what her name is. He’d frowned, scanning over her pretty, nervous pout. It’s her mom. Fake Face.

She’d flushed slightly. Maybe.

In the moment, Ben had just grunted, flipped them over, and fucked up into Her until she unraveled with bright eyes and needy moans above him. He’d praised Her and kissed Her until she was only happy, then made Her dinner and grumbled from across the table that, if She wanted, he would kill Fake Face. 

She’d dismissed him, because she was too fucking good and knew that Ben would carve himself open and crush his body under a million scalpels and boxes of gas before he left Her. 

Fake Face should count herself lucky that She was so kind and forgiving and perfect, and even more fucking lucky that Ben loved his wife more than goddamn anything. That Ben wasn’t going to kill anyone, because She’d be sad about it.

But Ben still really fucking wanted to kill Fake Face. She was a fucking annoyance, looked at Ben like he was some sort of slab of meant, and looked at Her like she was the scum of the goddamn earth, when this lady couldn’t hold a candle to Her. It was like comparing a burnt-out matchstick to the fucking sun, and Ben didn’t understand how anyone—even a jealous, dick-riding plastic bitch—could look at Her and not feel like they were seeing something holy.

Fake Face had introduced herself to Her and Ben the first time they’d picked up Ryan. There had been quick handshakes, sickly sweet words from Fake Face, and grunts from Ben as he’d pretended to listen, mostly frowning down at Her. She’d been clinging to Ben’s arm as Fake Face asked him if he was really as strong as the stories said, and She’d felt heavy and sick in Ben’s body.

What’s wrong. He’d muttered down the connection, and She’d shaken her head slightly. 

She hates me.

Ben had frowned at Fake Face, who was getting dangerously fucking close to touching him. Why the fuck would she hate you.

I don’t know. But touching her, it- She’d swallowed, nails digging into Ben’s arm. It felt someone was pressing a gun right against my brain. And my hands were itchy, and my skin felt wrong, and it was bad, Ben. I didn’t like it.

That had been enough for him. Ben had been happy to hate Fake Face just from how the bitch made his perfect, infinitely amused and kind wife look like She’d been kicked in the stomach. Then there had been more pickups. Pickups where it was just Her, or just Ben, and Fake Face seemed to have two separate personalities. With Her, she was crude and cold, and they’d figured out fast that the lady was, at least, a Vought supporter. Likely a Homelander supporter as well. And Ben had been ready to snap some fucking spines when the flirting had started. Unwelcome praise about how Ben was such a good man, for being there for Ryan—he’d defiantly tried to kill Ryan, only two years ago, but Fake Face seemed to forget about that part—and calling him Soldier Boy before correcting herself to Ben with fake giggle that hurt Ben’s ears, and the questions about how a man like him got mixed up in this whole mess.

It seemed like a pretty fucking simple answer. Ben had fucked up, and he’d repented, and now he was here. Still repenting, still with Ryan, always with Her.

Then Fake Face had called him Benjamin, and—after nearly breaking his jaw and her face—Ben had started being incredibly fucking careful with the timing of how he picked up Ryan, just to avoid this pest of a woman and her skin-crawling advances on him. He knew She did the same thing, and that enough made Ben’s blood feel fucking heated and wired.

He knew his reputation. He knew that he was a sex symbol, that he’d been the fuel of wet dreams for a damn near century. He also knew that, if he could, he’d rip all those fucking fantasies out of people’s minds on principle alone. Ben was fucking Her’s, and you couldn’t pay him with all the gold in the world to look anywhere but Her. It would be pointless anyway, because Ben couldn’t look away from Her if he fucking tried. She was everything beautiful in the universe, and then more. She was a force of goddamn nature, and alive in Ben’s body, and if his eyes were gauged out and his nose was cut off he’d still feel how fucking beautiful she was in a deep, critical part of his body near his heart.

Ben needed to figure out a way to shut Fake Face up for the rest of her fucking life. He wasn’t allowed to kill her, and they were still being careful around the school, so he couldn’t call her a plastic, disrespectful fucking bitch, and those were all his ideas.

He’d ask Her later. She’d have a way that didn’t end in having to explain to Neuman why they’d had to send a cleanup team to a high school. 

Right now Ben just needed to stand—rigid and taut—as Fake Face walked up to him with a well-crafted, sickening smile and he waited for Ryan to get the fuck back to the pickup spot. 

“Ben!” Fake Face chirped, bouncing to stand right fucking in front of Ben’s path. “I haven’t seen you at pickup all week-“

“My wife,” Ben grunted Her name, because he was going to say it at every damn possible opportunity. “She’s been doing it.”’

“Hm, well, I haven’t seen her-“

Well, She fucking hates you. “She’s fast. Busy.”

Fake Face hummed, tapping a finger to her chin in mock thought. “Ah, I understand. I’m a career woman as well, but my Georgia is always my top priority-“

Ben wasn’t allowed to kill the bitch. His fists were clenched and the glow in his chest would just have to be slightly released to disintegrate Fake Face, but Ben wasn’t allowed to kill her. “Ryan is our top priority.” Ben grunted. “She just doesn’t have time to fucking gossip.”

“I see. Does she have time for you, Ben?”

His vision was red, and he refused to fucking answer. If he answered, he’d spit and roar and draw attention. He didn’t fucking need attention. He needed to take his son home to pick up his wife, then take them both to get a Christmas Tree. A big one, that Ben would put stupid rainbow lights on and She and Ryan would smile at.

Fake Face seemed to realize Ben wasn’t going to respond, and switched the topic with only a slight cough. “Are you getting each other gifts for Christmas? My ex husband and I never did, he said that it was-“

“We are.” Ben snapped. “Her idea.”

It had been Her idea. She’d grabbed his face between her hands and said Benjamin, I love you very much, and if we don’t get each other stupid gifts for Christmas, I’ll kick you in the balls. 

“Oh, well, if you need gift ideas-“

Ryan walked out of the school with some of the best timing Ben had ever goddamn seen, and something bright bloomed over Ben’s ribs as Ryan’s face split into a wide smile.

“Ben!” He shouted, closing the remaining space in only a few steps and pulling Ben into a likely bone-breaking hug. “You’re here!”

“Of course I’m fucking here,” Ben muttered, holding Ryan until the kid decided he’d had enough. “Butcher’s just a slow dumbfuck. Let’s go.”

Ryan nodded, starting past Ben to the parking lot, and Ben had almost entirely forgotten about Fake Face until she was grabbing his bicep, and he had to tense his every muscle to halt his instinct to slam her fucking head to the floor.

“What the fuck are you-“

Fake Face was giving him that cheap, twisted smile and those syrupy fucking words, not at all caring how she’d damn near just been killed. “Jewelry.”

Ben scowled, jerking his arm fully from her touch. “Speak fucking clearly-“

“Ladies love jewelry.” Fake Face said, giving Ben a pout that made her look constipated. “I’m sure your wife would love some.” Ben fucking loathes the way she said wife. Like it was a lie and not the only thing he’d ever been sure of. “And I’d love to help you pick some out for her.”

Ben looked Fake Face dead in the eye, not bothering to contain his disgust for her and that awful proposition, and never bothering to hide the sheer fucking pride and love that existed in his body for Her. He hoped She felt it back home, where Ben could sense her, peaceful and content and likely wearing one of Ben’s shirts. Maybe She’d ask Ben what he was doing, and he’d get to hear Her voice. Tell Her how he was defending her honor. 

“She doesn’t wear jewelry.” He snapped, his eyes narrowing. “She’d fucking burn it off when I made her cum. Waste of money.”

Fake Face gaped, and Ben didn’t bother to wait for her to speak before he marched after Ryan, clasping him on the shoulder and steering him fully back to the car. He might have just made shit worse. Ben knew there was a possibly that Fake Face would think he’d been flirting, and would keep trying stupid fucking moves. But Ben was pretty sure he’d also made it real fucking clear that he wasn’t planning on fucking anyone but Her ever again. That was the whole point of marrying Her. Making Her and the rest of the world really fucking get that they belonged to each other, and anyone who tried to take them away from each other should be prepared to face the goddamn consequences. Consequences Fake Face better fucking understand, because Ben was weak compared to Her. Everyone was weak compared to Her. If She wanted to, she could burn out the sky. 

If She had been present for that conversation, Fake Face might have ended up a husk of a bitch on the pavement. It was why Ben only told Her about this shit when they were in their room, where all She’d do is scowl and pout and glare at him, then start to climb up Ben’s body as She kissed him like she was trying to leave a mark. She knew there wasn’t a damn thing to worry about—Ben made fucking sure of it—but that didn’t stop Her from grinding in his lap or clawing at his chest when he finger fucked Her.

It was just another fucking perfect thing about Her. How She was a terrifyingly brilliant, sharp woman who adored the whole world, and She went slack and blissful under only Ben’s touch. How She wanted him, wanted Ben so fucking much she’d get all fucking angry at the idea of him being looked at.

“You’re a fucking person,” She’d grumbled once, Her face buried in Ben’s chest. “It’s, it’s rude-“

“I’m well fucking aware that I’m a person,” Ben had drawled Her name, tilting her chin up so she could see his teasing smirk. “I think you’re just possessive.”

She’d flushed. “I’m not possessive-“

“You are.” Ben had muttered, and leaned down to ghost one, soft kiss over her lip. “It’s fucking hot.”

It was. It made Ben’s whole body buzz and hum and fucking glow, that he was wanted enough for Her to be possessive. Not his body or name or image, Ben. Ben was fucking loved enough that She lost her damn mind when people acted like he was just a face. And then She’d turn around a call him Pretty Boy, and beg him to fuck Her, and it was so much goddamn better because She was the one doing it. 

And Ben fucking loved Her. His whole fucking life was Her and Ryan. His whole damn purpose wasn’t Fake Face, it was finally getting that fucking tree. It was letting Ryan chose the tree—as long as it was a proper, green, massive fucking pine tree, Ben didn’t fucking care what it looked like—and telling Her about Fake Face as She was tucked into his side. It was making fun of that bitch with Her, and setting up the tree when they got home so Ben could get the lights up. It was seeing how beautiful She’d be into the shifting colors, how She’d probably look like some sort of fucking siren or painting when she was cast in shadows under the glow.

It was about finally having something so fucking good, and caring for it, and never goddamn losing it.

“How was school, kid.” Ben asked, dropping behind the wheel as Ryan pulled his buckle on. “Any shit I should know about-“

“No!” Ryan shook his head, his smile never faltering. “It was a really good day, Ben. We’re learning about Feudal Japan, did you know one of the first ever novels was written by a handmaiden?”

“No, I don’t fucking read. But,” Ben pushed on, before Ryan even had a chance to frown. “I damn near didn’t finish school. You’re a hell of a lot fucking smarter than that. Keep talking.”

Ryan didn’t keep talking, and when Ben glances at him he had a soft, nervous expression.

“What-“

Ryan mumbled Her name. “She said not to let you call yourself stupid.”

Ben snorted. “Fucking sounds like her. I’m fine kid-“

“But you’re not stupid!” Ryan protested. “You taught me how to use my powers! And how to grill! And about chemicals! I passed my science test because of that.” Ben could see Ryan’s chest puff slightly in his periphery. “Mr. Kline said he’d never seen someone eat the samples, not need to go to the nurse, and get a hundred percent.”

It was hard for Ben to fight the small grin on his face, and damn near impossible to stop the flash of pride through his body. “Fine. Tell me about the stupid fucking book.”

Ryan seemed satisfied, launching into a history lesson Ben really fucking tried to listen to, but didn’t understand a damn word of. He was practiced at this, though. Between Her and Ryan, Ben was a fucking master at grunting at all the right moments, nodding and shrugging like he got what they were saying, and letting them tire themselves out. Then he’d ask a few questions because it made their faces light up with joy, stash a few of their answers just to prove that really did fucking try. For them, Ben would always fucking try.

And She must have felt it. How Ben’s entire body was focused on Her, on Ryan, because She became colorful and alive around his head as Her perfect, musical voice hummed in his head.

You’re late, Benjamin. 

Blame Butcher and Ice Lady.

Ice Lady?

Ice Lady. Ben repeated, frowning into the air. With the fucking ice-

Powers? Ice Lady with the ice powers? Ben could almost see Her pretty, teasing smile, and he rolled his eyes.

Brat.

Cunt. What did Butcher do?

Asshole was pussying around when we turn Ice Lady over. Made me fucking late to get Ryan.

But you-

I got him. Ben glanced over to Ryan, who had settled into his seat with an easy silence, bobbing his head slightly to the radio. He’s good.

Did you-

No incidents. Said today was good.

And-

He told me about his classes. Going well. Ben smirked at the road. Your faith in me is fucking astounding, Sunshine.

She scoffed between their heads. Fuck you, Ben, I’m just worried about him-

He’s fine. And I’d be happy to fuck you, beautiful, but you’re going to have to keep it together until tonight. Think you’ll survive?

You’re such an asshole. 

You love me.

I do, you dummy. She sighed in the hum of the engine. Drive faster. I’m bored.

Ben grunted, and pressed the pedal down. He’d still be safe—Ryan was in the car, and Ben’s own need to see Her didn’t outweigh the kid’s safety—but he wanted to get the fuck home. Back to Her.

She was waiting in the driveway when they pulled in. Ben hadn’t even stopped the car when she moved to stand at the driver’s side, hugging herself as She waited.

She looked so fucking happy. Just as beautiful as She’d always been, just as perfect, but fucking happy. Bouncing slightly on Her toes as Ben grunted that Ryan should go put his shit away before they left, smiling at them through the window in such an easy, natural way it made Ben’s chest feel soft. Made him goddamn glow.

He’d barely stepped out of the car when She was on him. Pulling Ben down by his shirt into a long, deep kiss, sighing into his mouth when he picked Her up off the ground, and wrapping Her arms around his neck when they pulled apart.

“Hi,” She whispered, her smile all joy and adoration that made Ben fucking high. “Ready to get a tree?”

“Fucking born it.” Ben nipped at Her nose, carefully setting Her back down on the pavement. “I’m driving.”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “You can’t stop me-“

Ben gave Her an amused, flat look. “I could very fucking easily stop you, Sunshine.”

Her eyes narrowed as he raised his brows in a silent challenge. Big talk, Pretty Boy- 

You know it’s not just talk, beautiful. He winked at Her, holding Her gaze. You’re not fucking driving.

But-

No. Ben kissed Her brow, grinning against her skin. Not a chance in damn hell.

Asshole.

Yep.

She rolled her eyes, leaning into his side and frowning at the front door of their house. Is Ryan okay? I know you said he had a good day-

He’s fine, Ben muttered Her name, shifting her against his chest and wrapping his arms around Her stomach. Fucking bounced out of the school like it was his damn birthday. Saved my ass as well.

Saved your ass? She tilted Her head back, frowning up at him. What-

Fake Face. Ben grunted, and She sighed. I still think you should let me fucking kill the bitch-

No murder, Ben. Not very Christmas spirit of you. She tapped her fingers on his arm, offering him a small smile. And I kind of like that these are our problems now. I can handle someone throwing themselves at you. And I get it. 

Ben raised his brows. You get it?

Yeah. She shrugged, dropping Her head back on his shoulder, and Ben could feel all Her love rushing through his body. I mean, you’re very fucking pretty, my love. I’d throw myself at you.

He snorted. No, you fucking wouldn’t.

Yes I would-

Don’t lie, Sunshine. Ben held Her pouting glare with a smirk. You never fucking threw yourself at me, you barely damn liked me. 

I liked you, She mumbled between their heads. I love you, Ben-

I love you too, brat, but you were never that pathetically annoying and desperate. You never fucking needed to be, he squeezed his arms around Her, kissing her brow and muttering Her name in the wind. You already have me.

She smiled at him, kissing the underside of his jaw. Very romantic, Benjamin.

He rolled his eyes, dropping his face to Her neck, sucking on that one spot. Shut up.

Even as She molded into him, whimpering slightly as Ben kissed up her neck and behind her ear, Ben knew She was fucking right. It was a damn good thing that the worst shit in their lives right now was Fake Face and Ryan getting changed so damn slowly. Not life or death, no screaming or blood, just Her swaying in Ben’s arms and his whole body feeling fucking alive in her presence. And neither of those worst things would be difficult to deal with. Fake Face was just an annoying bitch, and Ryan was finished in the next five minutes. Ben lived a life where he could kiss his wife until She was slack jawed and glossy eyed, guide her into the passenger’s seat of their care, and get his family out of the driveway before She had a chance to start thinking again. Now the worst problems were that they needed that goddamn tree, and Ben had to ignore Her pretty glare as he drove them to the farm.

You cheated. She grumbled in his head, playing with his hand in Her’s, and Ben smirked.

I don’t have a damn clue what you’re talking about, Sunshine. I’d never fucking cheat, I’m a goddamn gentleman-

Fuck you-

Not with Ryan in the car, darling. Ben’s grin became toothy and wide as She stuck her tongue out at him, his attention turning to Ryan’s pale face in the rearview mirror. “You good back there, kid?”

“Yeah, I’m just, um-“ Ryan swallowed, his heart a little uneven. “I’ve never gotten a Christmas tree before? Do we have to do anything?”

She twisted in Her seat, giving Ryan a sweet smile and soft words. “You don’t have to do anything. If you see one you like, tell us, and we’ll take care of the rest of it.”

Ben squeezed Her thigh as he glanced back at Ryan. “It’s real damn easy, kid. You’ll be fine.”

“What if I, what if I pick the wrong one-“

“It’s a fucking tree.” Ben gave Ryan a firm look through the mirror. “Long as it fits in the house and has branches, it can’t be wrong.”

Ryan nodded slowly. “Mom always got lights for our tree-“

“We got lights, Ryan.” 

She blinked at Ben. “We do? When did we-“

“Last week.” He grunted. “When you were off doing your mystery shit.” Which you still haven’t fucking told me about-

And I won’t until it’s relevant, Pretty Boy. “Ryan,” She frowned into the air, tapping Her finger’s over Ben’s hand. “Was that enough for shopping? Because I need to go back to Best Buy for Secret Santa-“

Ben shot Her a look, his brows drawn together. “I thought you finished that shit.”

“No, I got your gift,” She gave him a sweet smile. “This is for-“ She cut herself off, and Ben rolled his eyes. She wasn’t fucking fooling him, she’d been nowhere close to slipping up. “I can’t tell you-“

“Shut the fuck up, Sunshine.” He raised Her hand to her mouth, pressing a kiss to Her knuckles. “Ryan, tell her about that book shit.”

Ryan’s face lit up, and Ben only got a light whack on his knee as she twisted to listen to Ryan’s repeated lecture about the Japanese lady and her book. She’d, apparently, already fucking known about the book, because of fucking course She did. The rest of the car ride was a conversation Ben tried—and fucking failed—to keep up with, and when they parked the sun had already dropped out of the sky, leaving them some of the last fuckers wandering the farm. 

It was better like that. Ryan could wander—Ben keeping a careful ear on his heartbeat—Ben could keep Her tucked safely under his arm as She lit a careful fire in her palm, and none of them had to worry about invasive fucking pussies trying to talk to them. Ryan and Ben could even throw snow at each other without worrying about accidentally murdering someone. 

“If I get hit,” She mumbled, her head leaning on Ben’s chest. “I’ll kick your ass, Pretty Boy.”

Ben snorted, another ball of snow already in his fist as he scanned over the tree line, waiting for Ryan’s next strike. “What if fucking Ryan hits you, you’re not going to kick his ass-“

“Is it Ryan’s job to protect me?”

Ben gave Her an amused grin as she blinked at him with fake fucking innocence. “You’ve got a smart fucking mouth, brat-“

She shrugged. “You love it- Ben!”

He’d hauled Her up his chest, swallowing her squeak of surprise with a deep, sloppy kiss and turning his body to take the bullet of Ryan’s snowball.

“Fuck, Ben, I’m sorry-“

She and Ben both pulled back from each other with wide eyes, and Ben grunted as She half-climbed up his body to stare at Ryan. 

“Did you just say fuck?”

“Um,” Ryan’s voice was far too damn nervous, his heart rapid, and when Ben adjusted his body to see the kid, he was flushed and gaping. “I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry-“

“I’m not mad, Ry,” She pushed out of Ben’s hold, offering Ryan a reassuming smile. “I just didn’t expect it.”

“Am I,” Ryan looked between Her and Ben with wide eyes. “Am I allowed to swear-“

“Of course you’re fucking allowed to swear,” Ben grunted, pulling Her back under his arm. “Do we look like goddamn hypocrite pussies to you, kid?”

“No?”

“Then swear as much as you fucking want. But,” Ben raised a finger, narrowing his eyes at Ryan. “You have to go find that tree.”

Ryan nodded, and his heart sounding a little more steady, and bounced back into the trees.

When Ben looked back to Her, she was smiling at him. A real, loving, soft smile that made Ben’s whole body pound and riot with Her. Just fucking Her. 

What-

You’re a good dad, Ben. Her smile widened, so fucking adoring it might kill him.

It’s not that big a damn deal-

No. She held Ben’s hand over her shoulders, letting him guide them after Ryan. It is. You’re an amazing, handsome, grumpy old dad. Ryan and I are very lucky to have you.

Ben only grunted, because he was fucking lucky to have them. For them to forgive him enough to let him stay, to offer him their trust and love when they were the only two, truly fucking good people in the world. Whatever.

She glared at him, but let it go, and they walked in silence for another few minutes—Ben’s whole existence only Her and Ryan’s heartbeats, just as fucking calm as they should always be—until she tugged on his arm.

I got an early gift for you, by the way.

What-

Butcher. I figured out what you can get him. I’ll show you when we get home.

Ben frowned into the dark. You’re getting his, and mine, and your secret fucker, and shit for Ryan.

Yeah. She shrugged. But those last three were really easy.

He raised his brows. Your secret shit was easy.

She hummed. Yep. My person’s really predictable, and loud about what they like. You just have to be around them for five minutes and you’d have figured it out as well.

It’s MM.

I’m not going to tell-

Annie.

Ben-

Hughie.

She sighed. Ben, I’m not telling you.

Ben narrowed his eyes at Her. It’s fucking Hughie.

I said I’m not telling you, cunt. She whacked his chest lightly. So shut the fuck up and drop it.

It was defiantly fucking Hughie. And Ben would’ve gotten Her to admit it—with enough teasing words, grumbled praise, and long kisses Ben could get Her to tell him fucking anything—but Ryan reappeared with a wide, bright expression.

“I found it!” He bounced on his toes, grinning between Her and Ben. “It’s that way, and it’s really big and spiky.”

She nodded, tilting Her head at the direction Ryan had pointed to. “Ben, if you go with Ryan, I can go find the tree-cutter people-“

Ben scoffed, keeping Her pressed against his side. “Don’t be fucking insane, Sunshine. Let’s go, kid.”

Ryan glanced at Her—Her attention focused on Ben with a heat he could feel over his ribs—but started walking, Ben pulling Her after him.

Ben-

I can get the tree, he muttered Her name, glancing down as he squeezed his hold on Her. We don’t need some pussy with a fucking saw.

Are you-

I’m fucking positive. He kissed the top of her head. Trust me.

She sighed, but nodded, and grew loose and easy in Ben’s body.

And he was right. Ryan presented the tree to them—he’d done a damn good job, and when Ben told him so the kid lit up like the fucking sun—and Ben barely grunted as he ripped it out of the ground.

He started moving without a damn word, supporting it on one shoulder, and smirked at Her open, pretty fucking gape as he twined his free hand into Her’s. Her heart was fluttering in Her chest, her beautiful face slack with need, and Ben felt something in his chest try to pound out of him, into Her.

Don’t fucking drool, Sunshine. He winked at Her, waiting for Ryan to be in his view before he started the walk back, and She just swallowed, Her voice breathless between their heads.

Fuck you-

I will, darling. When we get home I’ll throw you around as much as you fucking want. He shifted his grip on the tree, and felt his dick twitch as She half slumped into his body, her gaze pure fucking love and want. Swear it.

Ben never got to throw Her around. She’d nodded, tugging Ben to walk a little faster, and paid for the tree with  fingers tapping on the counter, but they’d barely made it halfway back to the house before She was asleep in the car. It wasn’t even that fucking late, but Ben saw Her body slump in the passenger’s seat—Her presence in his head turning into a natural, eternal and peaceful glow of beauty—and heard Her heartbeat slow a moment later. When he glanced in the rearview mirror, Ryan was knocked the fuck out as well, and he smiled. 

He left the tree on the roof when they got home, and got them both to bed. He unbuckled Ryan first—She’d kill Ben if he left Ryan in the cold car alone—and carried him up to his room with careful steps. 

“Ryan,” he muttered, setting the kid carefully on the bed. “Ryan, wake the fuck up.”

Ryan’s eyes blinked open, still clouded with sleep. “Ben, wha…” He trailed off with a yawn, and Ben sighed.

“Need to get changed, kid. And brush your teeth.”

“What’s goin’ on-“

“You’re going to bed.” Ben grunted. “But you’re not doing it in fucking ice-covered clothing. Change.”

Ryan nodded slowly, starting to shuffle around the room, and Ben returned to the car.

She was so fucking beautiful. There were glittering drops of melted snow on Her eyelashes, and her mouth was parted as a small amount of drool fell from Her perfect lips. He swiped his thumb over it, She barely stirred, and Ben realized she was knocked the fuck out. And he wouldn’t be waking Her up for the fucking world.

Ben carried Her upstairs—just as he’d done with Ryan—but when he reached their room he set Her down carefully, and stripped her himself. Careful slow movements that didn’t disturb her, changing Her into his shirt—not bothering with underwear—and tucking Her under their covers before going to check on Ryan.

The kid had passed out without turning his lights off or getting under the covers. Ben fixed both of those things, brushed some hair from Ryan’s forehead, and checked on that stupid fucking turtle so Ryan wouldn’t wake up to it dead. It was sleeping under a sun lamp with a damn worry in the world, and had more than enough food to last into the next three damn years. Ryan had been keeping his word, and the thing was growing like a fucking monster. And the kid seemed to damn love it, so Ben gave it a little fucking extra food as a silent, stupid thanks for doing whatever the hell it was doing to make Ryan smile.

She was still asleep when Ben returned. Curled into his side of the bed, Her face pressed into his pillow, and soft, incoherent mumbles falling out of Her mouth until Ben joined Her. She let out a blissful sigh as he pulled Her into his arms and tangled his legs with Hers, her pretty face buried in his chest and that flower shampoo she used like a goddamn drug. Making his body relax, because it was right where it should be, and his brain lull into an easy sleep.

Easy fucking sleep he’d get to wake up from in the morning without screams or tears, with his perfect wife still clinging to his body and all Her love alive inside of him. She’d get that promised fucking when She woke up as well, and he’d make everyone pancakes for breakfast, then drive Ryan to school. He’d grab the tree when he got back, wait for Ryan to get home before he put up the lights, and She’d watch them both with a smile before telling Ben what he should get Butcher.

Then it would be Christmas, and he’d get to give Her his goddamn amazing gift, and She’d kiss him, and everything would be so fucking good.

Ben’s life was really fucking good.

End Note: I don’t care if they don’t sell turtles at Costco in my universe they do.

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[spatial-jump]

Spoilers for all episodes of the Umbrella Academy Season 4 and profanity below.

What the actual fuck was that finale?? Was I watching the same thing directors looked at and went, “Yeah, this is cool!”

Those last two episodes were a total shit show. An absolutely horrendous finale to a wonderful TV show.

The first thing I am so fucking pissed about is how they’ve written Five in this season. They ruined him. They tore apart the aloof apocalypse-obsessed arsehole who loves his family, destroyed it, spat on it, and then danced on the grave before crushing it under an anvil.

In no fucking timeline whatsoever would Five and Lila be a thing. I understand where some people would come from to defend it — that yes, they were both isolated for seven years and could only find company in each other, distorting their relationship as they sought comfort which mistakenly and incorrectly transpired into ‘love’. No, it’s messed up. It’s so fucking messed up and creates unnecessary drama that the writers probably wanted since they were undeniably lacking in the finale. When I first saw the camera angles and shots they were getting prior to Year Five in the subway, I was naïvely thinking, “Surely not. Please don’t tell me this is where I think it’s going.” And lo and behold, I was right. And I’ve never hated to be right so much in my entire life.

Lila (WHO HAS THREE ADORABLE CHILDREN WITH DIEGO, BY THE WAY) has known Five for absolutely ages — since he was in the body of a thirteen-year-old child. Mentally, he’s however many decades older. Regarding the actors, Aidan and Ritu, themselves, there is a fifteen-year gap between them. But my point is, Five is not a home-wrecker. Five is the type of character who would not deliberately fuck around with his brother’s wife because he absolutely adores his family. It’s not in the nature that has been presented to us, and goes completely against his values — and for what? To serve exclusively as a shitty love triangle so that Diego and Five would fight in the finale and break up the family even more at the most crucial point for them?

Five is your textbook example of a pragmatist. He knows how to prioritise, and would certainly not decide that the time to fight Diego was when two of their siblings were badly injured and another had merged to bring about the Cleanse — a.k.a. end of the world, again.

I am so, so disappointed with this, especially as Five is the character I’ve had the strongest attachment to, ever. I think I’ve managed to disconnect S4 him from the first three (that fucking greasy rat’s nest hair of his has finally been given a beneficial purpose), but I’m still sick to my stomach.

Anyway, next thing: the episodes. I know we were told in advance about how there were only going to be six episodes, and we knew they had a lot to fit in to make it work.

It didn’t. It was executed very poorly. I understand some fans didn’t like the unnecessary subplots and fillers from the previous seasons, but S4 was a bit too rushed? I mean, they found and drank the marigold within the first episode. And floundered around at the end, not even bothering to stop the Cleanse until it had been aired on TV. I get they might’ve wanted to make the show more fast-paced, but it could’ve been handled differently. They didn’t have to do a ‘Stranger ThingsTM’ and make four goddamn films for a Part One. They just needed to properly iron out everything, and that didn’t happen, which is a massive shame.

The finale itself (not the erasing their identities, but from the moment Ben is shot) deserves some YouTuber to pick it apart with a four hour video until it’s dust. It was badly structured. Normally, you see a rather pleasant — not exactly linear, but in the concept we’re progressing positively — pattern as the episodes and plots build up to the finale. We see the family find out about an apocalypse, they fight and break off individually, then they slowly pair up, eventually coming together to save the world. This was not like that.

Instead, you had one sibling fucking around in a subway with his physically much older and mentally much younger sister-in-law, another that was hopelessly obsessed with a girl he just met (but no hate for him — no one exactly told him that being closer to Jennifer was just harming them both and the world), one germaphobe who, despite not taking drugs or drinking, is off looting money wherever he can find it and deciding that was the moment to pay off his debts??, three others doing fuck knows, and then the last one who actually gives a shit, teamed up with his hideous father, and tried to prevent him from killing Ben as long as possible because he knows what it’s like to end the world, and is therefore the only one who did anything useful. God, that was a long sentence, so I’m sorry for those of you who struggle with it.

The finale was not your Umbrella Academy finale. Once everyone had (I say this in the lightest way) been ‘brought together’, they had no bloody idea what to do. In the meantime, they’d disbanded about three times within the thirty minutes of screening because of petty fights and the drama I’ve already discussed. Five leaving them at the most essential moment (due to Lila and Diego, blah, blah, blah) was an error in his character. This old man has survived through apocalypses, the one who tries to round everyone up despite everything he has seen. Even with his doubts in the S3 finale, he was still there — and his doubts were shared enough that they created a majority. In this S4 finale, there was no majority. It was just Five, and Five alone. There were gaping holes and shredded pieces of the beautifully developed characters the show had done so well in portraying. They did this with Allison during that scene in S3, where they took her villain arc too far. There are so many flaws in this, and there is definitely many people out there who can communicate it better and more concisely, but here is my two pennies anyway.

I have a lot more thoughts, but I’m currently bone-tired. I might post another rant if I remember anything else — but don’t be too surprised if it’s Five x Lila related.

I am thankful and appreciative that the Umbrella Academy was one of the lucky shows that saw its way to the very end, but I think all of us are entitled to a little disappointment at its quality and execution as it was brought to a close.

[renthony]

🏳️‍🌈 (queer media rec please !)

(Drop a 🏳️‍🌈 in my inbox and I’ll respond with a queer media recommendation!)

I've been sticking to indie or less-popular works for these recommendations, but the most recent Interview With the Vampire episode destroyed me and I need to get more people in on this sweet, sweet suffering.

AMC's television adaptation of Anne Rice's Interview With the Vampire is phenomenal. The season 2 finale airs next week, and I'm hoping very much for more. It's officially available via AMC+, and if you're at all into queer gothic horror, you have to check it out.

The basic premise is that an immortal Vampire named Louis tells his tragic story to a human reporter named Daniel. We learn all about Louis' life as a human, how he was turned into a vampire by his vampire lover Lestat, and how the two created a child vampire named Claudia to be their daughter. It's a messy domestic drama where every single narrator is unreliable, it's a horror show, it's tragic, it's queer as hell, and it's perfect for people who want to see mean, petty, mentally unwell, horny queer characters waging psychological warfare on each other.

Here's the trailer for season 1:

I was very, very nervous when the adaptation was first announced. I'm a huge Vampire Chronicles fan, I was absolutely obsessed with Lestat as a teenager (...and also now...), and I was pretty firmly on the side of folks who were thinking, "we did this already, Queen of the Damned was a horrible (albeit still pretty fun) movie, we can just let the books stand on their own after that one."

When the casting announcements for Lestat (Sam Reid) and Louis (Jacob Anderson) were made, I got even more nervous. In the book, Louis is a white slave owner born in the late 1700s, and I was worried that the showrunners would just make Louis a Black character without examining or unpacking any of the anti-Blackness in the source material. I'd enjoyed Jacob Anderson's performance in Game of Thrones, and I didn't have any ill will against him, but I was genuinely worried a Black Louis was going to be in poor taste at best.

Instead of presenting Louis as a Black slave owner, though, the show reworked his backstory to make him a Black businessman in 1910s New Orleans. We get to know his family and his situation, and the dynamics of a queer interracial romance in turn-of-the-Century New Orleans add quite a lot of new depth to the story. Jacob Anderson deserves basically every award ever, because his performance as Louis is just...goddamn. He is the definitive Louis for me.

The show feels like a love letter to both the book series and the 1994 film. In the show, the interview takes place in 2022, and is framed as a second, "do-over" interview. It makes meta-commentary on the film and the books, and it's a real treat as a fan of the prior works. The constant little book references and hints for future plots are fantastic. The show loves the source material just as much as the audience does, and it never tries to say, "the old version sucks, we're doing it better." It's a loving tribute to my favorite messy queer vampires, and I need everybody to go lavish attention on it so it gets more seasons.

Edit 6/27/24:

Season 3 has been confirmed, babes!!!

[gayspaekles]

*****SPOILER ALERT*****

Uhm okay?! I cannot say a single bad thing about the film?! Wow?! My mind has been blown!!

-first off, I’m completely obsessed with the skeleton dances!! I need more from them! I need a backstory! Do they work for the ministry?

-I was NOT emotionally prepared for seeing Papa cry!!

-Tobias channeling Mary Goore in faith & rats was incredible! Ugh that growl 🥵 Tobias’ dream of doing death metal might not have happened like how he envisioned, but goddamn he can still do it!

-Was not prepared for the amount of laughter this movie gave me! Papa is so extra but my goodness we all were laughing so much.

-I was so so so happy to see Mountain, Cumulus, Cirrus & aurora with a lot of screen time! We don’t get to see our babes so often because they can’t leave their stands (understandably)

-I loved phantoms interactions!! He was so playful and adorable. I’ve always loved his addition to the band since day 1. I miss Chris but I love Randy sm.

-I’m so incredible happy for the people who got to experience this ritual. I’m so happy for you guys from the bottom of my heart! How amazing a ritual.

-if you have ghost you have everything was STUNNING live. That woman’s operatic lines were gorgeous and that song had me bawling my eyes out.

-I personally loved the multi-angle viewpoint myself. It’s a little difficult to keep track because there IS so much to see but that’s why I’ll just rewatch it and rewatch it and rewatch it again!

-it gave me the same feeling as my rituals as last year. I cannot even begin to explain how this band makes me feel. Some how, some way, they just speak to me. I feel like I’m not just a fan, I’m a person. I’m being heard in ways I don’t feel in everyday life. I’m apart of something that we all appreciate and love and understand. Tobias wasn’t kidding when he described going to ritual like going to church in the sense that we are going someplace that should be a safe haven for us. His speeches in the film made me bawl my eyes out. Okay, this is the end of my critical review lol can you tell I loved it? 😂

Our father, who art in Hell

Unhallowed, be thy name

Cursed be the sons and daughters

Of thine nemesis who are to blame

Thy kingdom come, Nema!

[theformerbastard]

who is/are your comfort character(s)? My love for Jane Lane is pretty well documented.

lighter or matches? When I was a smoker I was obsessed with lighters but matches smell so goddamn good.

do you leave the window open at night? I hate windows so much.

which cryptyd being do you believe in? Bigfoot. I deadass keep my eyes peeled when I drive thru super wooded areas. I think most of the other ones are just people seein' barn owls but Bigfoot is out there, man.

what color are your eyes? Blue

why did you do that? Wanted to

hair-ties or scrunchies? When I had hair I was all about hair-ties

how many water bottles are in your room right now? Got a 2 liter of diet pepsi in the mini fridge

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee? None coffee

would you slaughter the rich? I mean...no? I know what this is actually askin', I just don't like the wording

favorite extracurricular activity? Drinkin'

what kind of day is it? It's chewsdy innit (it's Thursday but that was the first thing that came to mind)

when was the last time you ate? Like...minutes ago

do you love the smell of earth after it rains? I've never understood people that say "smells like rain"

are you a parent? (all answers qualify) nope

can you drive? yep

are you farsighted or nearsighted? near

what hair products do you use? water

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails? I can paint my own but I think I'd be shit at paintin' someone elses

do you say soda or pop? Soda. People that say pop are lunatics.

something you’ve kept since childhood? anxiety

what type of person are you? anxious

how do you feel about chilly weather? BIG fan

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing? Playin' roller hockey (where my Kevin Smith fans at?)

perfume/body spray or lotion? On me? Nothin'

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times? Every awkward encouter I've had since I was like 7

about how many hours of sleep did you get? depends

do you wear a mask? *Jim Carrey doin' Ben Stein* we all wear masks...metaphorically speaking

how do you like your shower water? In the shower

is there dishes in your room? Nope

what type of music keeps you grounded? Country

do you have a favorite towel? Used to. It was light purple. Fuck. Such a good fuckin' towel.

the last adventure you’ve been on? *in my best Jeff Bridges voice* ya know...uhhh we're like in it, man.

is there a song you know every word to by heart? Yes

what’s your timezone? Depends

how many times have you changed your url? A few

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years? Brooke

a soap bar that smells good? Irish spring

do you use lip balm? Nope

did you have any snacks today? Bag of cheetos for lunch #healthnut

how do you take your coffee? I don't

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site? Instagram

what’s your take on spicy foods? I'm a bitch

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it? That's dark and I don't like that my brain is actually comin' up with names

can you remember what happened yesterday? I'd have to think really hard

favorite holiday film? While You Were Sleeping. It counts.

what was the last message you sent? "ALLLLLLL?!?!!" When @didee-anne told me she wanted me to answer all of these

when did you first try an alcohol beverage? I'm not good with ages but a "friend" gave me a shot of wild turkey and a shot of bacardi 151 in high school. I'd tried my dads beer before that but the shots feel more...significant.

can you skip rocks? It's been years but yeah

can i tag you in random stuff? Why not

[it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined]

So it's been an entire week of Wicked-the-Movie-part-the-first being completely unavoidable and I am so.freaking.tired.

And why am I still going on about why I didn't love it? Because it's one of those things that people vaguely know I'm a fan of the show. So they keep asking me what I thought and I'm just overtired enough to still launch into an incoherent explanation of why it didn't work for me.

That explanation is entirely meaningless, because I am really not the intended audience. I never really thought I would be (probably from about the moment they cast Ariana Grande, if we're being honest). And mostly that's because I read the book multiple times 20+ years ago and I've seen the west end production 20+ times since then. I've sidetracked NYC trips to see it on Broadway and to San Francisco to see it at the original workshop theatre and I remain obsessed with the 2007 Broadway cast. I did indeed show up to the opening night screening dressed in pink and green and I have two different types of Chistery plushies sat on my sofa idk??

I'm a.. fan, to all intents and purposes. But I'm too much of a fan to want a new version that doesn't really add anything meaningful to how the show tells the story - part one is an hour longer than the show and yet it moves it further away from the book, if anything. It took me a LONG time to process how the show adapted the book back in 2006 but the show added that goddamn all time great soundtrack dammit. The movie adds pretty much.. nothing of note?

The things that bug me about the movie are not things that would ever occur to the people asking me what I thought it the film, and they're probably irrelevant to other people who consider themselves long term fans. Everyone is a fan in their own way, and that's great. It also means I reserve the right to want the character choices to make sense (they do not make sense. Why is Elphie being treated like a grown adult and not even enrolled at school?? Why is she wearing a version of her Act 2 dress TO THE OZDUST and not only undermining the costume reveal in Defying Gravity but also making the lyrics of Popular MAKE NO SENSE to the point they then ...have to invent the word 'froat' for absolutely no reason? This version of Elphie does not actually even need a makeover. Why are we even here, folks? I'm so confused 😭)

What I wanted was the damn film made fifteen years ago with a lot fewer intense close ups starring... Literally any of the show cast, idk? Idina and Kristen, Julia Murney and Kendra Kasselbaum, Kerry Ellis or Rachel Tucker, idk I have a lot of favourite Elphies?? Actually let's not get started on casting because *sob* Ariana Grande?? really?? And I will yet again be baffled why every other shot of the film was a close up of the actor's face. It's a musical. The songs are designed to be viewed from a distance. As per the show, the cast are very much decades older than the characters they are playing, but unlike the show this then becomes VERY OBVIOUS in close up on a cinema screen. In IMAX it was veering on fucking terrifying at times, and Ariana Grande becomes an abject lesson in how lip filler can go horribly wrong *shudder*

Here's the other thing: I know full well the show creatives were involved in the film as well, so I'm not sitting here complaining about John Chu per se (although I am also complaining about a fair few of his choices to over-egg the existing story). Stephen Schwartz is just as responsible for how the songs sound in the movie. The choices to keep the nonsensical points of the show plot but pad out the runtime to bizarrely now give you time to notice that the plot structure verges on nonsensical. There's a whole clash of sensibilities as to how they approached the work 20+ years ago compared to now, and to what it meant to me back then and now as well.

Yep everyone else loves it. Good for them. I'm just kinda being forced to keep having pointless conversations about why I didn't love it and it's giving me thinky thoughts about what the hell fandom means in that context idk.

[darklinaforever]

Ok. I need to address this.

Are there people who seriously think that Stydia was just fan service, out of nowhere in season 6? Seriously ? What series did you watch exactly? There are countless strong Stydia scenes with ambiguous and or romantic implications, or outright ROMANTIC background music in the series, long before Season 6! In 5X14 alone, Stiles asks Lydia to wake up while holding her hand with the song Where's My Love playing in the background. And yet people didn't see the romantic subtext in there? Really ? What do you need then?

Also, I've seen some haters claiming that there was nothing to be surprised about when Stydia broke up in the movie, because Dylan O'brien always hated Stydia, and said in an interview that they would have broken up at the after a few weeks...

So that's wrong.

Yes, Dylan said that, before going on to the fact that he was joking and that the two were meant to be together and happy. It's beautiful denial in some people anyway. To distort the words of an actor at this point to prove himself right.

Then it was Dylan who improvised the Stydia kiss on the cheek in 6X01. My ass he hates Stydia.

Also, quite a few of the cast members themselves were shipping Stydia together. To claim otherwise is bullshit.

And to anyone complaining that Stydia was too long and therefore no longer made sense...

It was fucking slowburn. A slowburn is supposed to be long to get a final realization! That's the point ! Canonically, in their universe, Stydia took 3 years to be together after being friends in high school. Sorry to tell you, but it's not an eternity or unrealistic. Not everyone gets in couple quickly.

Besides, I don't understand this obsession to say that Stydia is not valid because we've never seen them be a couple in a direct way...

You know, it's like complaining that fairy tales end right on the reunion of lovers finally reunited, or their marriage, being done, we have no insight into how their romantic relationship really works. But no one ever gets upset about it, or says it makes the relationship less valid. Besides, it's not a scheme found only in fairy tales, but including in a lot of classic novels with a central romance, or more recently in some romantic comedies.

And honestly? I don't care to see my ship's life as a couple! What matters is the buildup and the fact that they finally end up together in the end. Seeing them in couple mode is ultimately just a bonus, which I don't care about, because I can easily imagine it myself.

Oh, and if you're backing up the Stydia shit script of the movie as confirmation of your dumb ideas about this couple being forced, ridiculous, meant to break up forever, etc, well that just proves you're hopeless. This movie was absolute shit in every way, a goddamn thing that ruins the whole series, and not just Stydia. Even Allison's comeback is stupid. (and I say that as I ship Scott and Allison)

But in addition, knowing that the film still remains in the idea that Lydia is in love with Stiles and visibly sad to have abandoned him, and that Jeff Davis himself said in an interview that the two will most likely meet again... How is this supposed to be a victory for the anti?!

It mostly feels like a stupid breakup made to create unnecessary drama that would probably get a resolution later. Like the majority of couples getting together in a series that continues and has not actually ended its story.

Another of the reasons why I prefer the story to end once the couple are together rather than stretching out and seeing inevitable breakups / reconciliations made to keep the viewer hooked.

And as much as I'm a fan of Stydia, I absolutely refuse that this film be entitled to a sequel one day. It's shit, from A to Z, that deserves to be ignored and forgotten.

Teen Wolf movie sequel =

Also, those who act like Stydia aren't in a 6X20 couple are... pathetic at best? Everyone forgets this scene where Stydia takes her hand by instinct and where Lydia, remembering her first kiss with Stiles, tells Malia to kiss Scott to help calm him down? No, of course, let's forget this scene to justify our fantasy of: There was never anything ambiguous or romantic about Stydia, including in the last episode, proving that season 6A was a mistake!

And there are anti Stiles, acting like his character is toxic? People act like Stydia is toxic? Really ? It's so stupid it honestly makes me laugh.

I've been on tumblr for 2 years, but I only took a look at the Stydia/Teen wolf tag recently, and the crap I've seen there is really startling.

[baoshan-sanren]

I'm so angry about all this hyx business! Like what is happening? did they fail censorship or is it just that 9cent sucks and had to air a stupid hetero show instead? ahdgjhad I'm so MAD! how tf woh aired without any problems?!

WoH passed about a month before the new censorship regulations went into place so they basically got lucky 

also, and don’t quote me on this because I’ve got it second hand in language I only partially understand, but the way a company handles advertising can make all the difference. an absolute shit job was done suppressing leaks, and it’s no surprise, since they gave fans nothing else to work with. I’m not saying that people wouldn’t be making illegal bts videos left and right if they had a freaking trailer 3 months ago to obsess over instead, but it probably would’ve made a difference. 

+ tencent wanted this to be huge, which is obvious from the enormous budget and the cast, but something that expensive and visible was obviously going to be... well, more visible   

half the people who are feral over WoH right now didn’t even know it was airing until it dropped on them. we’ve all known that HYX is in the making for a goddamn lifetime. I mean, if you’re trying to slide shit under the radar, you don’t generate enough hype to continuously trend above currently airing dramas while giving the fanbase absolutely nothing at all to do but share illegal bts photos of cfy bridal carrying lyx three hundred thousand times across every social media platform, I mean hello?

so yeah, I mean tencent is obviously handling this poorly, but WoH didn’t have to pass the same regulations HYX has to pass, it literally had some nuts for a budget, and it slid under the radar so well that most people who specifically keep an eye out for bl adaptations didn’t even see it coming 

I think a lot of people don’t realize exactly how LUCKY we were to get WoH the way it is and how unlikely it is that we’ll see something like it again any time soon 

(and I mean WoH didn’t air without any problems. it was slotted to have a larger budget. it was slotted to have more episodes. it had multiple endings. it had dialogue that was dubbed over with more “tame” language. the director was literally pulling gong jun’s hand off zzh’s waist while filming. the take with zzh’s head on gong jun’s shoulder was cut. there’s NEVER a bl adaptation that airs with no problems, it just that hyx is having bigger problems for many reasons)

[tin-can-iron-man]

See so what the early leaks said was that before reshoots, the second Christine helping out Steven across the film literally was Clea, like she was called Clea, Rachel McAdams was portraying the character as a variant of Christine, with the original post-credits scene involving her and having her formally introduce herself to him after he calls her Christine, correcting him that her name is Clea. They then were able to get Charlie’s Theron, and so reshoot la changed them to just be a Christine variant (minimal changes).

UHHHH DR. STRANGE MoM SPOILERS DR. STRANGE MoM SPOILERS!!

Honestly, I'm very glad they went the route that they did, it would've been impossible to introduce Clea in Dr. Strange (the first film) because that movie was all about preventing the dark dimension (and Dormammu) from invading earth. Clea is a being FROM THE DARK DIMENSION. She is literally Dark Dimension Royalty. She is Dormammus niece. She successfully led a rebellion against Dormammu multiple times (occasionally with Stephens help) and IS THE GODDAMN QUEEN, AND SORCERESS SUPREME OF HER DIMENSION (and then some, regarding current comics). It just doesn't matter if it "didn't make sense" to introduce Clea this late (which. Stephen has appeared like 6 times?). It would make even LESS to have introduced her in the first film because. Well. Stephens entire goal was to keep her reality out of HIS. And then by the time Dr. Strange 2 came out we already had that What If? Episode that is honestly the only reason people even remembered Christine in the first place and while it does display Stephens capacity to love it is ultimately about his character flaws including his abrasive arrogance against the rules on the universe and. Honestly. Unhealthy obsession with Christine. Stephen and Christine are cute, don't get me wrong, I like them, I enjoy their banter. But the what if?, while simultaneously showing us the extent of love Stephen has for her, shows us exactly why they cannot work. But the fan base exploded (and I do not blame them, Tumblr loves men who simp to questionable means), and I think marvel was smart enough to want to take that into account moving forward. MoM was basically an entire movie explaining that while it's great to love the characters and the characters do care for eachother, they are simply better off seperate. And then having that entire movie and then saying that "whoops nvm, Christine is Clea lmao 🤪🤭🤗" would completely erase the point AND the development Stephen went through in the film.

Clea is a badass. She's a sorceress. She's a Faltine. She's a queen. She is the goddamn wife of Dr. Strange. She deserves to be her own character, goddammit.

(actually, lmao, it’s more like stephen is HER husband.)

Also Charlize Theron is really fucking hot. Fuck anyone who says she's "too old" for the role. I want fucking Jennifer Aniston to be Sue Storm. Get over it.

[blglplus]

My Top 10 BL’s of all time (and also 2022 because I’m new)

So I only discovered BL this year and what an incredible year of TV watching it has been. This year was difficult and I needed the escape. I first got obsessed with Heartstopper and then someone suggested I check out Thai BL and she was a goddamn genius. I had already been reading a lot of M/M romance novels and watching all the western queer shows I could like Heartstopper, Love, Simon, Young Royals etc. But the absolute joy and madness of BL knows no equal. 

So here is my personal top ten BL’s that I watched this year. Meaning many of these are from previous years it’s just that I only discovered them this year. So the title of this list could be very misleading

1. 2gether - this was the first one I watched and will always have a special place in y heart. It was like watching high production fanfiction and I’m INTO it. It loses some points for being homophobic/femmephobic towards Green of course. Also it had a LOT of “sing your feelings” but it was cute, funny and Bright was SO good. Not to mention insanely hot? I even watched Boys Over Flowers because he was in it and ENJOYED it. 

2. My Beautiful Man - this one hit me on a personal level and I just loved it. The complexity of the characters and their journeys. The actor who played Kiyoi was incredible! He deserved the award/awards he got. This one had depth in a way that I can’t quite articulate.

3. Seven Days - this was so freaking cute. I watched it because @absolutebl recced it and Phi was right - I have already re-watched bits of it multiple times. The chemistry was on point and again there was a complexity and depth to the characters that was explored really well. Love it. Also I love all the nods to the manga in the filming style, very cool. Phi was also right that you need to ignore the hair.

4. Cherry Magic - how is it possible for one show to be THIS adorable? This is the one I want to show all my friends and family. I was constantly giggling in that shy way you do when you’re texting someone you have a crush on. I loved it.

5. KinnPorsche - how much hotness can one show contain? And I’m not even into dudes very much! Was this show messy and at times illogical? Sure. Did I care? Not at all. I love every single inch of it. I loved the narrative behind it. It was a trip and it was amazing.

6. Semantic Error - this show is perfect. It’s cute, it’s funny, it’s beautifully shot, the leads have great chemistry. Perfect romcom. The uke is so hot!

7. Why R U - I honestly found this show hilarious. I love a neurotic meta thinker (Zon) and Tutor/Fighter had such good chemistry. It got messy towards the end sure. That scene where Zon was freaking out in Saifah’s bed and made a pillow fort was just so funny to me, I can’t explain it. I love them.

8. Love By Chance - the Ae/Pete only cut. Luckily I was warned by the internet about the rapiness of the side couples in this one so I skipped lots of them (though I still watched Pond’s story and Tin/Can). Ae and Pete are so freaking cute and Perth’s acting as Ae is incredible. I can’t believe he was only 16 at the time! When they look at each other I get all warm like drinking a hot chocolate. It’s so freaking cute. Also I love the read of Ae as demi.

9. We Best Love - No 1 for you. This was cute as was it’s sequel. Great chemistry, solid story, excellent.

10. The RamKing cut of My Engineer. If we were taking the whole show into account there are other shows I love more for sure, but I love this side couple SO MUCH. Even though I sort of enjoy the D/s elements of seme/uke I love it when there is less seme/uke or the lines are blurredand both characters take both roles and it feels more honestly queer. Also I’m a big fan of the silent, tough, loyal type that Ram is in this one. Plus the longing glances! And the flowers! Just so cute! I’ve already watched their cut at least 3 times through. I quickly started fast forwarding over the others when I was watching it.

Honourable Mentions:

Bad Buddy - this was great and solid plus I love that they are explicitly verse and some queer stuff is addressed. Not to mention side GL couple! We love! More of this please (though can we have some that aren’t femme please for the love of flannel?) It didn’t make the list because it just didn’t quite make me squee as hard as some of the ones above.

Love in the Air but only Payu/Rain. I feel like the dubcon with Payu/Rain is less dubious because of the non-verbal signals going on there. Consent doesn’t have to be just verbal - some people struggle with verbal. But maybe I’m just justifying this to myself haha, but hey, I won’t yuck your yum, don’t yuck mine. Plus Rain is hilarious, like honeslty hilarious. I mostly hated Prapai/Sky. The diary reading was especially terrible.

Secret Crush on You - yes it’s cringey. I love it anyway. I love the friends (especially Daisy of course - I wish Daisy’s story was more fleshed out!). I LOVE the chemistry and that there are seme/uke vibes but Toh, the uke, is hella into it! Love Jao/Sky. This show is happy and comforting and I can skip the extra painful bits!

I told the sunset about you - this one gave me too many feelings and it hurt. But it was beautiful and great also. The one I would show to my arty friends.

2moons2 but just the side couples. Especially Beam/Forth, so cute!

What I’m watching now:

I am participating in this strange antiquated tradition of watching TV shows AS THEY AIR with only one episode dropping per week! It’s madness! Absolute madness! I’m currently watching: Between Us (Win is so hot!), My School President (so cute!), Never Let Me Go (so exciting!), The New Employee, Ameiro Paradox and Gap: the series (I will watch all the GL dammit).

I’m also part way through:

The Eclipse

Be Loved in House (I do)

planning to start eternal yesterday because apparently I like pain?

[vvitchering]

Tbobf finale thoughts real quick:

I have like 5 mins to write this before I have to get up for work so let’s go

I can’t figure out if I hated this or not

Like yeah they did end up with the same “oh they’re going to have to wrap this up REAL quick and dirty” pacing issue I’ve been worried about

But they didn’t even give us much good character stuff to smooth over the plot/pacing

Liked Din being loyal to Boba to the point where he’s willing to die but it would have been nice to have acknowledged WHY that is.

There were a lot of emotional gut punches in this episode that ended up being more emotional love taps due to lost or forgotten context and that’s….bizarre for a show as obsessed with flashbacks as this one is.

Like the only reason I even knew Cad Bane and Boba had previously established beef is because I glanced at a tumblr post about their unfinished duel from the clone wars show. That’s not the kind of fan knowledge you should be working off of…

Genuine question: how many of y’all even knew who Cad Bane was? If my brother hadn’t forced me to watch a few seasons of the clone wars I’d have had absolutely no goddamn clue who this joker was. (And I think a good percentage of Mando / TBOBF viewers may also be like me and aren’t big Star Wars buffs outside of these shows, so they’d have zero context for this interaction)

Lost opportunity to have the Tusken lady in black and the kid come back to help Boba. Yes I’m still upset about that, I was planning on dying mad about it.

Just…so very little of any of this finale made reasonable sense……..I’m gonna have to watch it again and do a play by play because it’s so jumbled in my head after one viewing

Luke really did put that infant in a ship and send him off to god knows where care of who the hell knows because he was angry he picked the beskar huh

Who’s the true baby here mr skywalker

This has been and will remain a “Luke Skywalker can fight me in the Denny’s parking lot and I’d win” house

Pacing aside since there’s not a lot to be done about that, this ep could have still been good if they’d given us even an ounce more context for some of these interactions.

It really feels like the writers were just stalling for time with this while finishing up Mando S3 which is a huge shame because this could have been GREAT as like an hour Boba Fett special or something. Trim the fat, do better with the Tusken story line, get rid of those GOD AWFUL mods, focus on what these events mean to BOBA (and Fennec), we could have had a real tight and punchy story.

Seriously fuck the mods everyone here hates the mods who’s idea we’re they

Blah blah other stuff happening I don’t even care about this nonsense at this point beyond watching my favorite little imaginary people run around on screen

Grogu should have taken the lightsaber too. Just for extra “piss off Luke” points.

I know Din didn’t take his helmet off this entire time because Pedro couldn’t actually be there to film, but I would have liked a nice helmet-less reunion scene with Grogu. Or a face reveal with Boba. I just miss Pedro’s handsome face ):

Boba did look really good this ep though 👌 and we’re almost back to his Mandalorian s2 levels of badassery in combat which was nice to see.

Bobadin shippers we won today

IM SO FUCKING GLAD COBB ISNT DEAD HOLY SHIT this was really the only thing I ever cared a little bit about djskdjsjjd

How’d he get there though

Did the townspeople bring him in? And for what? Did they know Boba had a bacta tank????

Or did Boba and co swing by and pick him up after the fight and bring him back? How’d he survive that long if it was an injury bad enough to take him out/keep him out/require the use of a bacta tank????

Oh god please don’t give him a whole ass robot arm like the fuckin mods I’ll scream. Give him a nice discreet job like Fennec’s. Please don’t make my boy cringe.

Anyway see y’all at Christmas time for Mando s3 💀

[the1312daysofchristmas]

im having shitty day and wondered if you could talk about some of your favorite pete facts or moments etc? i love hearing things about him it brings me so much comfort and u know so many cool things!!! anyway ignore if too busy i understand ❤️

course!!

hes really into contemporary reggae and dancehall, and listens to it with his kids

he seemingly likes star wars because its something he does with his friends

im absolutely obsessed with this halloween asmr video. hes not a great actor but god he can commit to a bit.

in fact theres a billion videos where petes just so incredibly dedicated to not breaking during a bit, theres this promo vid which i think about a lot and also the pete&rick podcast with his little bit about thanksgiving spaghetti. also the worlds most in depth fall out boy interview

the puppy interview is really cute because patricks being chill with 1 pitbull puppy and petes losing his goddamn mind going insane with all the other puppies. he looked so excited.

"we actually got the person who did the whistling on patience on this song-" *patrick shakes his head* "cmon! you couldnt let me have that?"

oh the number of moments of pete clowning on patrick i could throw in here

theres this one interview with andy and pete which ive mentioned before bc andy was obsessed w the waterfowl in the back but its ALSO noteworthy for pete and andy riffing with each other through looks and pete taking a moment to hug andy while theyre sitting together. i cant find it unfortunately :/

pete wentz + spinny chairs.

he and meagan share clothes! like theres a couple jackets they both wear for sure. i think thats sweet.

the arcade interview. pete is so stupid.

i love his smile. like he smiles so big and his eyes get all crinkly and hes always been like that

pete has some pretty intense and moving black nationalist poetry!! i personally try to only share it with black fans, in part because its from before fall out boy but mostly because i wanna make sure the conversation surrounding it doesnt ignore the fact that its About Being Black. it really shows off his way with words imo.

in the past few years fall out boy has done a fair few kids show appearances and according to pete its because he likes being involved in stuff his kids like! despite personally not liking the show itself i think the best one was probably the teen titans go special they were in. it was hilarious, i cant deny that.

i like how he treats fans. like all the guys are very aware they r just some dudes but yk theyre each different people and it seems like petes aware meeting him is a really big deal so hes usually pretty easy going about it, i can think of a couple filmed meet ups (such as in the arcade interview) where hes just acting exactly how i think you would if you were a small local act. just like "hey, nice to meet you, are you seeing us later" type of thing.

hes legit done some pretty cool activism! hes worked with mental health campaigns, as ive mentioned campaigned against prop 8, fall out boy as a band have done some PSAs and stuff, and its just nice that he wanted fame to do good things and then actually did good things. weve moved past the era of "we need a famous spokesperson to do ads for our nonprofit asap" but even then, hes been openly political on social media prior to leaving twitter.

in fact heres a video from a small music journalism outlet that actually asked some pretty good questions where he answered with some like, intro to prison abolition ideas

those are what came to mind! hope these made you happy :)

[blushinggray]

Free! The Final Stroke screeching/reaction (spoilers)

AHHHHH I JUST WATCHED THE FINAL STROKE MOVIE TODAY IN THEATERS ON PREMIER DAY AND IT WAS LAKSJDFOAIFJWOEI to summarize it all, it was Very Gay, which was to be expected but they DID NOT have to get so freaking extra with it 😩😩😩

much screaming and many spoilers ahead

FIRST OF ALL, KIRISHIMA NATSUYA: HE WAS SO FUCKING HANDSOME DAFKJOIEFJOSIDJF. SO HANDSOME. SO HANDSOME AND STUPID AND OVERLY FRIENDLY AS WE LOVE HIM TO BE ALKDSJFOAIEW.

he was in the film for a total of maybe 5 minutes altogether, which was kind of a lot bc the film kind of was just putting all the characters back in for the sake of putting them in imo? for the fans, lol. so everyone could see their faves. and in these five minutes that he appeared, our mans:

bragged about his little brother he's so proud of

got laughed at by nao for being natsuya (aka dumb and straightforward) as usual

trained with sousuke (he was hanging out in the same pool with him, nao, and makoto to train and aid in sousuke's rehab training)

got a call from ikuya after the international swimming competition in sydney!!!! in that same cafe he's always at!!!! and he was with nao at the time he got the call. casual and cool as always, being the cool big brother or whatever. he ended the call with a curt, "you got it. see you. don't catch a cold."

HE WAS HANGING OUT AT CAFE MARON WHILE THEY WAITED FOR THE SYDNEY COMPETITORS TO COME BACK TO JAPAN. HE WAS BEHIND THE COUNTER WITH ASAHI (WHO WAS HOLDING BABY TSUKIMI IN A CARRIER ON HIS CHEST!!!!!) AND HE THREW HIS ARM AROUND ASAHI AND WAS GETTING SO CLOSE LIKE ALKSDJFAOIEJAOEI. I have absolutely no clue what he was saying at the time bc i was too busy freaking out and trying to hold in the sounds bc the theater was so quiet. but his GODDAMN FACE. HE WAS SMIRKING. SO HANDSOME 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

and of fucking course, they were all out together at a restaurant when the sydney competitors came back, and he was like, "wth no one else is drinking alcohol tonight?" and nao was like "ofc not haha" AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

HE FUCKING FALLS ASLEEP AT THE TABLE AFTER DRINKING AND EVERYONE IS SURROUNDING HIM AND PATTING HIM LIKE "dude..." and ikuya is sitting there like, omg can't believe this mess is my brother....

i thought that just might be his last scene in the film but then we show back up to the kirishima household and natsuya is eating some sort of luxury holiday(?) bento and ikuya is like "aren't you gonna save any for me?" and natsuya's like "of course not. this is for me, you gotta wait until next year xD" and then ikuya just fucking SNATCHES up several different foods and stuffs his face with all of them and natsuya starts arguing with him over them laskjdfoawiefjao where was this brotherly affection all this time?????

and then cut to a few seconds later, natsuya's bumming in his room on the floor like in s3 when ikuya comes in and tells him about his new future goals and alskdjfaoei brothers sharing their ambitions together 😩😩 WHAT IS GOING ON. EVERYONE GETS ALONG SO WELL NOW???

NEXT: we'll go back to the beginning i guess lmfao but they're preparing for some sort of university festival

we start off with an easily misunderstandable shoujo-style situation where asahi is talking to ikuya like, "i know it's your first time... you don't have to be nervous. i know you can do it." and ikuya's like "no! i can't 😣" like the tsun he is backed up against the wall. and then it turns out they're trying to make a mille feuille cake.... but everything he's made so far looked like crepes

and for some damn reason, KISUMI comes outta nowhere into the kitchen and is like "ooooh what's this? a mille feuille cake? although they all look kinda like crepes haha ^^" and then ikuya RUNS THE FUCK OUT OF THE KITCHEN, yelling, "i told you i couldn't do it!!!" like the fucking tsun he is... and asahi is yelling at kisumi like "why did you just say that!!!" and starts rubbing his knuckles into kisumi's head and kisumi's just laughing like, "oh did i do that hehe"

and for some reason... seijuurou is working at the booth in his speedo and swim team jacket. i mean i'm not complaining but sir.... PLS TAKE MY MONEY AND GIVE ME YOUR FAT OCTOPUS BALLS. (he literally started a batter mixing competition with hoshikawa inside the booth, like what are they even doing in the same booth???)

then rin and sousuke show up to ikuya, asahi, and hiyori(?)'s booth, and they're offering them the crepes and then they get into a conversation about smth that leads into them showing the embarrassing photos they have of each other?????? like ikuya has a pic of rin in his maid costume for some reason??? (tho it isn't shown) and rin shows an embarrassing pic of ikuya he has in his phone that he got from natsuya???????????? and then ikuya starts chasing after rin yelling at him to delete it lasdkjfoaei

and then haru is off to the side selling ugly ass bird mascots again lmfao. bc ofc he is. love that weirdo

BUT THE REAL KICKER HERE IS KINJOU!!!!!!!!!!!

APPARENTLY, HIS VILLAIN BACKSTORY COMES FROM HIS CHILDHOOD CRUSH (/exaggerated) ON HIYORI ALSKDJFOAIE WHAAAT. apparently he was that annoying kid in the playground who would go up to hiyori and bother him bc he wanted a friend. bb hiyori was literally like "why are you even talking to me so much?" in his sandbox. and bb kinjou is like, "well there's gotta be smth you like, right? what is it?" and hiyori's like "well i feel kinda happy when i'm swimming... :)" as images of ikuya flash into his mind, that gay ass

BUT KINJOU'S GAY ASS EYES START SPARKLING TOO AND THEN HE'S LIKE "I GOTTA LEARN WHAT THE BIG DEAL ABOUT SWIMMING IS" and he runs home, begs his brother to take him to the pool. but next time he brings his swimming stuff with him to the playground, hiyori isn't there anymore and apparently he left for america at that time (or smth). so poor baby basically got ghosted

but hiyori still knows him when they're older!!!! kinjou shows up when they're throwing out the trash after the uni festival and calls out to hiyori to taught him (which is where that bullying preview scene came from i guess) and alkfjeoiaejoaifj omfg it's like that estranged childhood friends (sorta) trope but it'll never go kinjou's way bc hiyori is and will always be in love with ikuya 😔

kinjou would make such a good yandere tho!!!! he has a feral expression on a few times throughout the movie, and during a race he gets super competitive mid-race and... ngl he was kinda sexy 😳 i'm actually kind of surprised by how taken i was with him in this movie. doesn't help that he's unfairly handsome and his hair looks fucking amazing. i MAY OR MAY NOT be exploring this man in the future..................

i also found the ending with haru pretty interesting!!!! it kind of hints at neurodivergence? smth along the lines of disassociation or multiple personalities? (guess 50% off was kinda right on that end lmfao).

he gets obsessed with beating albert wahlander, which is the most fired up i've ever seen him (to the point of almost hurting himself) and then the shadow or whatever effect albert has on haru kind of just overtakes him and pushes haru out of his own body in a way... it doesn't make sense to describe it this way, i know, but haru is literally watching himself say hurtful things to his friends while being overtaken by this... albert obsessed persona?

it's so interesting to see haru being the one obsessing over someone instead of the other way around for once!!! at the end of the movie (after all the credits) haru says the same thing he once said at the beginning of season 1? about how "at age 5, you're a prodigy. at age 15, you're a genius. at age 20(?), you're average." and this is def gonna be explored/concluded in the second part of the final stroke movie so i'm excited for that!!!! april 2022 come at me!!!!

there were SOOOOO many other things going on, plot wise and fanservice wise, and ofc kyoto animation was fucking TOP TIER SHIT. all the water effects... there was a shot where haru was looking at his reflection in the water and they make a drop fall and spread and shake his reflection in the waves and it was lafkjsefoiaeja fucking glorious. the soundtrack was lovely too. there was a RADWIMPS-esque beginning song and a sexy ass electric guitar buildup for kinjou (which may or may not be contributing to my growing obsession with him...)

AHHHH!!!! it was so good and everyone was so cute and handsome and gay and funny. we literally see every single character we've met before in some way, shape, or form lmfao. i might just go back to the theater and watch it again on one of the upcoming holidays this week.... SO GOOD. SO GOOD.

I LOVE ALL THESE GAY SWIMMING BOYS SO MUCH 😩😩😩

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

reactions to dw s13e04+05 (unfiltered and unorganized)

-really glad for that previously on now kdljfs -hehe, phone booth. -1967! second doctor era is happening rn! -this is so stressful lol i hate it def gets that old clumsy science horror into your skin -the director person smoked some good crack for this episode... just look at that shot from inside the console wiring... damn. i dont think anyone had ever done that before. -ive got really dry eyes -YAZ IS SO SMART -did anyone else blinked when they did -the fun thing with the angels it trying to keep your eyes open along with the characters lol liek when characters hold their breathing and you try to play the scene along too. -or ... is that weird... am i the only one that does that lksdjf -"we dont even know if we are" dw gets philosophical. -THEY ARE THE USING THE TARDIS AS IT SHOULD BE USED BACK THENNN -yeah... the directing is very very in this episdoe lsdkjf it-s almost a little distracting... -13 is so cute i love her so much!!!! I LOVEH ER SO MUCH -FLAT TEAM STRUCTURE!!!!!!! (they're always lying about that but I love the continuity lol) -lots of the characteristics 13era flux era @blue and golden@ coloring in this one. -that's peggy? -psychic paper i missed you -some set design conventions should maybe be questioned. in this instance it makes it seem like mr. dr. jericho has an obsession with lamps lol -"not unless you play george eliot's rules. she allows them" flash headcanon: maybe the doc isn't just doing the same obnoxious namedropping as always maybe she just -knows that from wikipedia or "historical fan sites". -MADAM EXPLAIN YOURSELF -im flipping between liking eustacius and being very distrustful of eustacius -oh damn angel!clare. that's a cool effect. -vibes to the woman getting possesed by the dalek in that other special? recurrent theme? -shut up cop!yaz :l -"she's a ten year old girl, how much is there to know?" dslkff not inaccurate to how adults were back then. -they should take turns blinking....... -oh shit -too late. -floating canals of pasano -the aesthetics of bel's and vinder's story is so gooodddd. so expanded universe-y. -did-u-know: on neopets there was a special species of pet called lutari that you needed to downlaod a -phone game to buy. mind u this was way before smartphones and even this was before the blackberry. -in the end they released them to the public so they weren't that special anymore lol -climate change meta #29: water feature towns will be the first to go. -"life parthner" .... not to be an nmd but why not just say "husband"  or "partner" dskljf -this episode is so easy to follow compared to the rest so far. cant wait to for things to go batshit again lol -this space venitian guy is not trustworthy either. -haven' you people ever heard of CLOSING THE GODDAMN DOOR -this episode must have been very fun to film lol almost a stop motion film -jericho called her ridiculous but at least he did listen to her lol -not an episode for the frail of  jump-scares thirteen has chemistry with all the women -the tiny ping pong padel dslkfj -21st novemeber. -im noticing now that thirteen is always a lot less mean to temporal companions than her fixed ones. like -all the way to the tesla and ada episodes... i know we used to think it was mostly about her just bonding -with weird characters like her, but now i think it is not only that but also like... maybe something to do -with her only wanting to connect with this kind of, "one night stands", so to speak? and kind of -purposely sabotaging her relationship with the fam to avoid being hurt again (well ok that much is a known fact already dlkf). -who is clare though? where's my character building sdlkjf -oh clare dont worry abotu the dust tha happens to me all the time when i wake up from a long nap. -"when do you think it is?" "and there's a strong possibility that the angels sent her too, so she'll be worried" yaz is so smart!!!! -dan looking at chickens and being like "no dinosaurs" i see what u did there nerds lol -i suspected it as soon as we saw the old woman with the tombstones that she was peggy but now i -strongly suspect it -lol they did well casting this girl. fuck that's a great visual!!!! this is definetly a serial man. -"47 years of pain, Gerald" -it would have been cool if they did the angel more sketchy- the fire effect was f -ok but ldskfjsd ... the more they stretch this dumb ass "the image of an angel becomes an angel" rule the more ridiculous their lore becomes. even if it makes for fire effects is like... ok so like, what constitudes an "image" of an angel? if you take photographs and reproduce them, are they all angels? why havent -they taken over the earth then ksdljf seems very easy to do in the age of social media and viral images. and what if you just "think" about them like clare did??? why isnt the doctor making up angels all the time with how many encounters she's had with them????? -(i may or may not be biased against this... one of my least favorite monsters in the canon.... dlksjf) -why is jericho getting so much development and we still don't know the first thing about clare... i dont like it... -YESSSS OH MY GOD SHE'S GONNA DO THE CONTACT THING!!!! OH MY GODDDD that said i think this is the first time in the doctor's life they've ever asked permission to do it lmao. progress or just a random flux (ey) of common courstesy? -CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -damn that's beautiful -... i really love thirteen. i love jodie. she's made some amazing scenes. pls dont let this next comment dispute that love .. ..  damn this "social distancing / greenscreen" acting does no do her favours sometimes dslkjfdkl -the mystery building in this episode has been really weak tbh. -OHHH SHITTT  THATS HER -"oh, praise the stars! ... the non-existent stars..." -ohhhh no.... -the passanger  "soul-feeing" mechanic reminds me of an anime i saw once but i cant pin point which one -sdlkfj -i love she -belle picking up her own companion lol -ENOUGH QUESTIONS, DAN -rip gerald and jan... they had it coming though lol -"i have a friend, and she'll sort this. she always does" oh no, yaz... honey... -this episode is really draining me lksdjf -the most appealing thing about jericho is his name -themes  IRL meta #40: there is something interesting here about he tv and like, attenion econmies, alienation and how it affects the phyche... and also "you are observed and that is my power over you" as the strenght of science... also isnt there something in quantum physics about "observation" literally affecting the thing it obeserves? so not only can they become images but they can create the images as well... ok. ok -did we really need 40 minutes of fluff just to get to the good part (The division questioning) dsklfj division uses "every moment".... hmm... -the way it switches to "division" and "the division" seems like a clue as well. like it's both organization and more like a natural phenomon. -this episode is really showing how under-baked the WA lore is to begin with. like the doctor is being so prejudiced against this rogue angel, but from what we supposedly know... they don't really act out of malice? they're more like animals in the time-savanah that unfortunately have a very painful way of feeding. but they don't have schemes of world domination or genocide or mass-lobotomization so it seems a bit weird that the doctor, on paper, would show no compassion for such creatures. but she has to act like that / be written like that because they're "supposed" to be "the monsters of doctor who(tm)" :/ ... it's all so against science-fiction principles for developing alien cultures / species... -also honestly this set up so silly. like sdlkfj. this weeping angel division-pedia kidnaps clare to blackmail -the doctor so she will help her stop the angels but like... it's the godamn doctor. she was gonna do that anyway dslkjf. the blackmailing was just unecessary. -"including the ones taken from you" another dark!variation of thirteenth's theme! #segunmoments -"sorry, threw a cup at you" -oh! i noticed those floor plans! good chekov's gun. -reverse the polarity of the neutron flow~*~*~ -"i think there  are angels in the walls here" "of course there are, why wouldnt there be"--- this feels like -the entire process for writting this episode (or any WA episode) -i kneeew itttt -that was maybe too obvious lol -ok so they can also transport by stone. sure. why not. let's just keep making hem more broken lol -im so tired of them trying to making us like this guy. is so transparent. -oh so thatt's why the plan was dumb lol. it was trapppp -this confrontation scene is a high time for Teh Scronché (tm) "You are recalled" HOLY SHIT FINALLY!! STUFF HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -AHHH -predictable yaz reaction is predictable sldkfjlskdf -damn, cool transformation sequence.   -omg CREDIT INTERRUPTIONS WHAT. -ok im just gonna say it.... space venetian's guy's acting... .. . not the strongest sdfjlkf -PARALLEL TO YAZ AND THIRTEEN GETTING SEPARATED TO THESE TWO BEING SEPARATED -those two are such nerds

well... it was overall a well-realized, visually stunning episode... but i was kinda bored the whole time :/ ... i think the reasons were that: a) the world of the town and clare didnt feel as "live in" or imainative as other ones we've seen in flux. and b) the lack of doctor o/ companion interactions set it down my stimations too. and c) it didnt really feel like a flux story? besides the little vignette with in space venice,  it could have been inserted any other season. all that said, the last 3 minutes almosssst made up for all of that sdkljf

_______________________________________________________________

-the recap drilling in that somehow this is all gonna be the doctor's fuck up *somehow* dklfjfdskjfkld -(love that for her) -i can see that limited edition figurine (tm) on display already. -"BLINKING... BLINKING!! ... tough crowd >:(" thirteen sdlfjd you're such a child i love you. -"my friends are never lost" AWW ......... well, actually- -this era has some..... inconsistent issues with font. -i can see the big finish "gap years" audios on sale already. -why is jericho still herrreeee eeee ugh -yaz's 1900s look is....  a lot................................. wowie🥵 -yaz's theme variation? -orange vs blue motif again with the doctor in this dimmension vs the companion at the temple. -RETURN TO OOD -"she is waiting"... yes definetly a tardis like ppl speculated  so .. . omg MASTER??? RANI?????????? VALEYARD? ?? BRAX????????? F  R E D??????? -RASSILON? (https://youtu.be/SfGDbEGC6hw) -eu vibes intensify again -AHHH -cant have aworld-trodding story without constantinople -the transition yesss -temple raiding, -december 5th!!!! 👀  omf i love when shows do that slkdfjsd -yaz stepping it up with these historical-lesbian outfits every scene. -AWNSER THE QUESTION OR ILL BITE YOUR TOES -the use of genre-conventions in their plot is very fun (temple-raiding, agatha cristie-esque travels, etc) -"you seem remarkably proficient at this, Ms. Khan"  this will be a Problem. -HOLY SHIT... UNIT?????????????????????????? -HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT -I WASNT EXPECTING THIS OMG GDLJFGKLDFJG -UNITED NATIONS TASK FORCE MOTHER FUCKERSSSS -i didnt say it last ep but the colorization in this "pasture" setting is rather nice! looks like an old picture. -OH MY GOD THE HOLOGRAMS - CHIBNALL YOU ARE JUST PULLING MY EYELIDS WITH THESE PARALLELS NOW ARE YOU SERIOUS -also blue scheme of the vinder / bel one vs golden one for thasminssss -EVERYTHING CONNECTS -(btw for the Xenites... ring trilogy boat scene vibes anyone? "I'm lost without you, Xena"?) -the chidi "This broke me. the little dot over the "i". I'm done." meme but it's me with this scene :) -it's about the cones yearning -gayness aside that was a great scene. lots of build up, set up, character stuff in like 1 minute! -"there will be displaced creatures who need a home. that would mean a time of battle for ownership of battle of the earth" the climate change meta keeps intensifying (also once again chibnall being weird about his messaging dsljkfsd "that dalek is a refugee" flashbacks 😬) -jericho taking a hint and dan being a good bro.  gotta #respect. -(also how many times has this happened in their journey that they know what to do by heart..... . ... . fic writers go off) -Susan, that you? -(maybe it's just another future / past doctor skldjf) -damn, you can feel how the doctor still edges and puffs   when they talk about the "time lord directive"... interesting... -I guess one can't unlearn  cultural ingraining in 4billion years it seems... -"not every civilization works or is enlightenement" shut up you fucking colonizer. -omg his dark materials viiiiiiibes -DOG NINJA TIME -dog ninja and bel not getting alone lol we love to see it (I like that flux has this constant ensamble... sometimes they're more refreshing than our fam sdlsk) -how are so many people surviving in a world with nothing -"YOU ARE SPACE. AND WE ARE TIME." -I was at first kinda underwhelmed by their plan to use people as a power source bc from all aspects, electrically, chemically, etc. people must be a really shitty power source compared to so many other things. Howeverrr.... maybe this functions like Clara's leaf? you know, using the "potentiality" of teir futures that are taken from them? it's a bit of a watsonian explenation that probably isn't true (compared to the doylist one that was "the writers just wanted something that sounded evil" lol) but y'know, i think it could be cool to interpret it like that, mixing that bit of lore with this... -oh shi they were part of the flox all this time!! - OH THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED THE DIVISION!!! (I thought it could have been something to do withthe space between atoms but this is super cool too) -THE DOCTOR GETTING DISTRACTED BY THE COOL SCIENCE ADKLJFDS -FUCKING TYPICAL.... i love them T_T -I was wondering about this!!! ever since the first episode it was so suspect that they never mentioned the multiverse when they talked about "the end of the universe". Aghh, I love this serial guys. It's been so clever in hinting things by suspectfully ignoring them. -oh no, the V-word...... -"what sort of virus?" "You"  LMAO SHE LOOKS SO OFFENDED I DIED -"You got out from division, and you couldn't leave the universe alone. You know, I blame myself a little but, mostly, I blame you. I thought you were managable. But I had to admit I what I always knew deep down. You'd never stop if you rediscovered what Division had done. I mean, morality... was always your flaw" "Morality is a strenght" fuck im so into this. peak who. quintessential who. essecential who. concentrated who JUICE. inject IT into my VEINS. -oh I guess flux wasn't a doctor fuck up after all lol god bless. -these guys are such good villains honestly...well, time lords as villains are the BEST, really. -'cause like you can see the logic/nuance on why they did this, their need for control and to ultimately preserve the unvierse (deep down the same drive the doctor and company follow), but it is their methods and lack of willingness to like... not try to mastermind the entirety of existence that is their downfall. there's a really cool social commentary/philosophical viewpoint in that. -I like how she even says "the TARDIS"  kind of disparingly lol almost making fun of the made-up acronym ldsjf -can't introduce the first female doctor without introducing her abusive mother. -cartmell would be proud -speaking back to the thing about "weirdly ignoring things in the script" but actually that turning out to be foreshawding... I think that's why this UNIT origin stuff is so damn satisfying sdlkfj 'cause not only is it cool in itself,  but it was *also* super suspect that after all the mythological work that's been done in the entire expanded universe of doctor who to show earthlings fighting back against threats and even seeing them before the doctor does (both UNIT and Torchwood constantly, plus sometimes old companions doing it) it was so suspect that this aspect wouldn't come up again in the apocalypse. - LETHBRIDGE STEWART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -"HE'S A SHOUTER, BUT HE'S VERY GOOD" -TARDIS!!!!!!!!!!!!  (are they referencing a particular story?) -"it does look... special" the shade lmao -"my god, general, you really are a fool" i like this guy now dkslfj so much shade in every sentence. -RIP. UNIT boss #1 -(their first boss dying foolishly~ like that tho... not be mean but... #onbrand) -oh, that's why it's called the grand serpent. -(Boreal in HDM vibes? lol) -the division probably uses and discards oods like this all the time... -i mean im loving this but... it does seem like a fairly complicated plan just to get the doctor in one place sdkljfdklsjf if the division is All That maybe they could have, idk lured her into a big cardboard box with some jammie dodgers on a string...? -(but maybe the point is that thid is all kind of irrational?) -THE MASTERRR!!!!!! dslkjf honestly this is all his fault. thank you master for this amazing serial. u did awesome sweet you can have that little murdering-of-all-of-gallifrey, as a treat <3 -climate change meta#3948: the timeless  child represents the mistreatment of refuges? (probably hinting at the child being lost as being the victim of something the division/the time lords might have done in the first place? maybe by warring war on a distant ancient galaxy?) -time lords are colonizers meta #43928390´+3498: "You took something that didn't belong to you" "(laughs) I *rescued* you" -"what if, what if, what if" "you denied my life!" "I gave you your life. Everythin you are is because of me." ............... oh no this hits too close home i dont like it. -hearing tecteum rn makes me feel like this -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2INBe_qZFo but with an extra dash of abusive dynamics ldk -at the same time im like thirteen... shoving chibnall down a hill... screaming angstyly "SHOW ME THE RESSSST" -OMG ya'll im lossing my mind i looked up that scene (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDsJaJiZmfY) to make the joke and was gobsmaked by the parallel....  "(...) that all I am is somehow because of you, and believe me when I say, I cannot *bear* that" /// "everything you are is because of *me*" -her face ): my heart :( -now tecteum is making fun of her profession seriously chibnall im seriously worried about your upbringing now bro SDLKJFdskljfkldsjfkl what did you have to go through to write this stuff -"what do you even do, doctor? when are you even getting married?" -i mean tecteum is wrong in her reading of the doctor's companions as their "experiments" that they "uses" for company,...  but i imagine it manages to tug a little at the doctor's conscience bc of how shit she's been to her friends lately sdfjfds so i'm sure even tho she says "we're not the same" (that's what u call.. ,. .. a pro abuser mood 💥🔥😎) -aside: the doctor is now even more of a ... like, quintessential "classic english literature" right? with this background of the poor street urchin that gets picked up and used by the shitty lower-tier family of nobles... it's all very Dickensonian lol -their actinggggggg. im feeling things. -passanger is really creepy in this scene. -ouch the green screen dlkfjs at least the design is nice though -"finally, someone with a gun" FDLKSJ i love her. Di honey he doesn't know what a liverpool is dlskjfdklsj -I love them and their little quest damn. BIG FINISH GET TO WORK. -"telephone?" -yaz looks so cute in her lil fur hat T_T -i love this show -FETCH YOUR DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SCREAMING -i love this dumbass, campyass, heart-wreching show. -vandalising around world heritage sites is just peak companion energy. -"HUMANS ARE SO ANNOYING. SPECIALLY HIM" danista nation RISE -"i have no rabbits" "...it's a metaphor" "or hats" "IT DOESNT MATTER" dfsslkjflksdjf she is so damn tired -"it is designed that way" mannnnnn. the asshole ABUSE.... .w e love to see it sldjfdskl -oh the house!!! i forgot about it too dsklfjklsd -FOBWACH FOBWACH FOBWATCH -seriously it is so fitting that there was a "snake" right under the noses of UNIT's early years. im screaming at how fitting it all is lol -"people don't like you, Prentice" i died -more gold vs blue schemes with this scene in the dinning room vs this one in the car. -"still no doctor" poor lil' lesbian -THE MAD MOLE -shout out to all the liverpolians who called out who this guy was 'cause no one else would have ever known haha -petty sheffield vs liverpool rivalries, we love to see it. -that "fianlly" was weirdly moving sdljfdslkf -oh noooo ooooooooooo rowan's meta on the memories... is coming TOT -cartmell.... imma let you finish.... russel imma let you finish.... moffat imma let you finish... nathan turner imm- -the doctor's unphased face as she hears tecteum's bs is like, peak doctor. i love it when any doctor makes that face sljfdjkl -i love that engines of the machine are in touch with the drama of the scene, like how they hummed right after "what would you give to know?"  lol -"what if i left the earth?" now that's an incentive! -KATE STEWARTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH -KATE PLEASE DONT DIE -fFUCK UFCK KFSDLKJFK I CANT BELIEVE HE EVEN WENT BACK TO GIVE THIS MUCH LORE TO THE UNIT BEING DISPATCHED THING SDKLFJDKL AND WE ALL THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A RBEXIT THING !!!! AHHHHHHHHH -"i see you. i see *you*. whatever you are. hiding in plain sigh for so long, barerly aging. you are gambling that nobody cares, that nobody looks at unit anymore. but i care, more than anyone." -"a weekend, a day?" -KATE DONT DIE!!!! DONT DIE PLEASE -osgood! man chibnall is such  a faboy lol i would not have done that reference slkdjf -THEY'RE ALL ENSAMBLING THIS IS SO EXCITING -ministerio  del tiempo and doctor who fans losing their shit over these "tunnels" - who is that??? sdlkjf -chekov's potato gun -HOLD ON TO THAT HAT -imagine plotting this season dslkfjdlks im -RIP tecteum we hardly knew ya. -O BRASIL TA LASCADO

damn hto damn

this arc remains the most ive enjoyed dw.

thank you @chibnall for tailoring this crazy season to me specifically (and like 8 other people).

[365days365movies]

May 1, 2021: The Prestige (2006) (Recap: Part One)

What’s that old Arthur C. Clarke quote again?

Not that one, although that’s...that’s fantastic, and I need to know more context to that conversation. But no, no, not that. The other one.

Not that one, although that’s...horrifying. Let me explain something first, then. Clarke was the author of the classic science-fiction novel 2001: A Space Odyssey, which definitely didn’t go on to become one of the most widely regarded films of all time. Anyway, he was a big-shot in science fiction, and was even knighted for his prominence in pop culture in the UK and across the world.

Fellow famous sci-fi author Isaac Asimov is well known for three rules of robotics, but Clarke has three rules of his own. A futurist, his laws describe conjecture about scientific development in the future of out societies. Those laws are:

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Magic, huh?

God, I love Weird Al. Anyway, as a child of the ‘90s, I am well-acquainted with the boom of stage magicians that appeared during that time, and during the early 2000s. David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear, David Blaine coughed up a live frog, Criss Angel freaked minds; lot of stuff back then.

And yet, despite other recent magicians like Penn and Teller or Dynamo, the greatest age of stage magic isn’t even CLOSE to the 90′s. No, no, to really see magic in its heyday, we need to go back to the late 1800s and early 1900s, to the days of the stage illusionist. 

Obviously, the first person that comes to mind is Harry Houdini, a man whose feats have lasted the test of time, and may have led to his death. Not only did he get buried alive, not only did he escape from a straitjacket in chains underwater, NOT ONLY did he hold his breath inside a water-filled milk can inside of a wooden chest repeatedly for FOUR YEARS, but he was also the greatest enemy of spiritualists and mediums everywhere!

Yeah, despite being a stage magician, Houdini was OBSESSED with exposing those who claimed to be actually supernatural. After all, as a showman, he was interesting in exposing tricks that were meant to defraud the innocent public. Dude was awesome, is what I’m saying. He died from a burst appendix, which miiiiight have been caused by a student who punched him in the stomach after asking if he was actually resistant to abdominal damage. Yeah, not a great death. And he wasn’t the only illusionist to die of tragic circumstances, but that’s a discussion for another day. Because of this is sci-fi month...why am I talking about magic? Well...imagine a lighter.

Now image that you went back 5,000 years, to any civilization, and showed them a lighter. The ability to create fire with seemingly nothing but your bare hands? You’re basically a wizard! Fire from no visible fuel? TEACH ME YOUR WAYS, O SORCERER OF THE FLAME!!! And that’s just a goddamn lighter. 

What about a light bulb? Light from energy you’ve harnessed from metals and from the air itself? Jujube! A camera? With the ability to capture a moment in time in the form of a tangible image? WITCHCRAFT!!! A smartphone? A FUCKING SMARTPHONE???

And so, in celebration of the blurring of magic and science...why not start this month with an unconventional form of science fiction, huh? Something that blurs magic and science in a way that’s indistinguishable. And so, I can FINALLY watch a movie that I’ve wanted to watch for YEARS!

I am so excited, and this is a hell of a way to kick off the month! Why this? Well, I’ll explain that later. But for now...LET’S DO THIS.

SPOILER ALERT!!!

Recap (1/2)

There are three acts of magic.

First is “the pledge”, where the magician shows something normal. Then, there’s “the turn”, which is when the ordinary becomes extraordinary. And finally, there’s the act of bringing the show full-circle; bringing back a disappeared object, in a new way and with a new technique. That final act, the showmanship, the establishment of the mystery, is called “the prestige”.

So is told to us by John Cutter (Michael Caine), keeper of canaries and stage engineer to magicians, via narration abut magic. Intercut with that narration, and with a disappearing canary trick, is the presentation of an act being performed by Robert Angier (Hugh Jackman). In it, he turns on a machine using electricity, with lightning bolts flying freely. He steps inside of it, and disappears.

Meanwhile, coming from the audience, a man pretends to be part of the act, and goes backstage and underneath the machine. There, he witnesses Angier fall through a trap door into a water tank, unable to get out, panicking and drowning. Which is just super fun to watch, lemme tell you! And that is where the story starts.

The man from the audience was Alfred Borden (Christian Bale), who is quickly put on trial for the murder of Angier. A rival of his during the 1890s and early 1900s, Borden is sent to jail, and sent to death by hanging. This is as his young daughter watches on. In court, Alfred testifies against Bruce Wayne on how he murdered Wolverine, because this is all I could think of the entire time. Anyway, the court asks for more details on the trick that killed Angier, called “the Transported Man”. He refuses to divulge it publicly, but agrees to tell it to one of the judges in secret.

In prison, Borden’s visited by a representative of a wealthy collector of items, Lord Caldlow. He asks if he will sell him his most prominent trick, the “Transported Man”. But Borden also refuses, as it’s HIS trick. Still, in response, the man gives Borden a journal of Angier’s’, and asks him to think about selling the secret. And from there: flashback!

Angier is on a train, heading to Colorado Springs, where he’s surprised to see that the whole town has electricity. His plan is to go up the mountain, which is closed for scientific experimentation. Which isn’t ominous at all! That completely banal revelation is followed by a walk up the mountain in the fog, past a fence that says no trespassing and LITERAL WARNING SIGNS.

There, he’s greeted by Alley (Andy Serkis), the assistant of the estate’s owner. Apparently, said owner made a machine for Borden, and Angier wants to learn the secrets. Another flashback, and we learn that Borden and Angier, rival magicians now, met a long time ago at the show of another magician, both volunteering to tie up the female assistant, Julia (Piper Perabo). Which would be creepy out of context, and then is creepy IN context when Angier kisses her thigh. Ew.

Anyway, they drop her into a tank, with a pretty stereotypical trick. After the show, we also learn that these two men are actually working for the magician, Milton (Ricky Jay), which makes that thigh kiss less creepy. Talking to Cutter and Julia, Borden mocks Milton’s trick, noting that the old magician won’t even try something like a bullet catch. Cutter mocks this idea, and asks if Borden has any better ideas. It’s around this time that Cutter suggests seeing Chung Ling Soo. Huh. I won’t say anything about that until later.

Or right now! And, uh...oh shit, this is extraordinarily awkward. Here’s the thing: this is NOT Chung Ling Soo. I know this for two reasons. One, Soo didn’t really pretend to be crippled, as Borden and Angier suggest. Wasn’t really his bag. But something that IS interesting about the guy is how he died! BULLET CATCH TRICK!! Yup! He tried the bullet catch trick, and he died when the bullet actually fired at him! Yeah, awkward.

And you know what else is awkward, and really different from this story? Chung Ling Soo was...not Chinese. Even a little bit. His real name was William Ellsworth Robinson, he married his assistant, cheated on her with another assistant, never divorced and still married his new assistant illegally, etc. He was an interesting guy. Ignoring, y’know, the whole disgustingly shitty yellow-face thing. Different times, unfortunately.

Borden’s frustration with an act he considers boring and obsolete erupts during one of Milton’s shows, where we see him KILL A BIRD, FUCK ME MAN. Yeah, I get it, Borden, this is terrible! This coincides with meeting a young woman and her nephew, who is also upset to see a bird die in front of him. The woman is Sarah (Rebecca Hall), and the two start a romance. Meanwhile, the romance between Angier and Julia is a straight-up marriage, making that thigh kiss fare more understandable. And, the two are about to have a baby, to both of their delight! Nothing bad will happen now!

We flash forward to the future, where Cutter is showing the judge what’s what with the device. He claims that a wizard built it, and that the machine can actually do what magicians have only pretended to do for years. They also look at a tank, and Cutter reveals that the tank has a terrible history, especially for the two magicians.

Flashback again, to a night of yet another show. That night, Milton and the group go through with their trick, as per usual. However, Borden decides to make it a little tougher and more exciting by tying a different knot this time. And unfortunately...Julia can’t untie it. They try to get her out in time, but alas...it’s too late.

Julia dies, and Angier blames Borden, who isn’t even entirely sure if he tied the knot that killed Julia...allegedly. Not a big fan of Borden right now. The act is over, and Borden decides to split off and do his own act, calling himself “the Professor”. Now having a child of his own with Sarah, he decides to do a bullet trick, with the help of new stage engineer, Fallon. But this is a tricky trick to perform. And the understandable mental breakdown of Angier causes its own problems.

See, during one of Borden’s shows (which is going TERRIBLY), a disguised Angiers shows up and loads a REAL bullet into the gun for the trick, and BLOWS OFF TWO OF HIS FINGERS FUCK ME!!! Borden’s not exactly happy about this, but he recovers quickly. Shortly after, Cutter finds Angier at a bar, and offers him the opportunity to make a new show of his own. Reluctantly, he accepts, and takes up the moniker “the Great Danton”, a name that his late wife suggested.

With a new bird/cage trick, one that lets the bird LIVE (THANK YOU), they’re almost set. But they also add a new assistant, in the form of...Black Widow. I mean, sorry, Olivia Wenscombe (Scarlett Johansson). Yeah, um...Wolver, Alfred Pennyworth, and Black Widow are working together in competition against Batman. Also, Gollum is in the movie, too. God, what’s next, David Bowie?

Anyway, the show is on once again, and Angier asks for some volunteers in the audience. But, uh oh! One of them is Borden in disguise, and he sabotages the trick in front of EVERYBODY, breaking an audience member’s fingers, and killing the bird, completely fucking up Angier’s career, in revenge for his fingers. Oh, also, MOTHERFUCKER YOU KILLED HIS WIFE (maybe)!!! Doesn’t justify Angier shooting off your fingers, but you could’ve just let bygones be! No wonder you’re rivals in the future! Batman’s a dick (which, given Christian Bale, isn’t that surprising).

Well, since his trick, Angier’s fucked. They’re kicked out of the theater, and in need of a new act. Cutter suggests that Angier goes to the upcoming science exposition for ideas. And yes...that’s where the science fiction angle starts in. See, like Clarke said, any science that’s sophisticated enough LOOKS like magic to audiences who don’t understand it. And Borden has the same idea, as he also heads to the expo. 

It’s there that a presentation of a massive electrical generator is being held, with the machine having been invented by...Nicola Tesla! YO!

I don’t think I need to tell anybody about Tesla at this point, but he was a brilliant physicist and inventor from the early 1900s. His legendary Current War with Thomas Alva Edison for the current to be used by the United States (Tesla’s DC vs. Edison’s AC) is the stuff of science legend...and is a conflict that the far less charismatic Tesla lost. Still, his mastery of electricity (such as the above Tesla coil) is remembered today. If you want to go sightseeing, check out New York! In Niagara Falls, he’s got a massive statue overlooking the falls; and in Bryant Park in NYC, you can sit on the bench where he fed his beloved pigeons. Yeah, he loved pigeons, which I respect.

Anyway, the expo’s shut down due to presumed danger of the exhibit, possibly spurred on by Thomas Edison and his PR team. Which is pretty accurate, not gonna lie. Still, the experiment interests both Angier and Borden. Still, Angier doesn’t do much with this information. Right now, anyway.

Flash forward to Angier in Colorado Springs, and a group of men from Edison’s employ are there for some reason. But undeterred, Angier heads back to Tesla’s lab, where Alley shows him a gorgeous sight: lightbulbs dotting a field, making a gorgeous grid of light. He reveals that the source of the electricity is 15 miles away, as a testament to Tesla’s scientific genius. Stellar.

A great place to pause. See you in Part Two of this Recap!