#I was going to try to be active but I got nostalgic about the old rp scene here

[notimminent]

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[lizardho]

I think the worst day I had as a missionary is hard to pin down – for comedy bad day stories, I like to talk about my cute companion who ripped three pairs of pants in one day because his ass was so fat. Literally, two in the morning, we missed 3 appointments in the afternoon because people kept cancelling on us, and we ended up far away from home visiting “Less Actives” in the downtown area. We find a family who says we can come in once their dad get home, and we sit down to wait for the dad to get in and RIIIPPP goes the third pair of slacks this man wore that day. I hand him my suit jacket and he wraps it around his waist like a bashful adolescent who just started his period at an inconvenient time. We catch a ride home on a bus and ended up home an hour early. He cried for like 30 minutes while stitching up his pants, and I got to rest a lot more than expected that day. We ordered a 4-cheese pizza and went to bed early that night, having walked probably 5-6 miles that day knocking doors and getting turned away.

Another bad day was the day the Mexico City Temple was re-opening. It was a funny experience for me because the evening before I was contacted by the Mission President and told that an elder in our district had confessed some serious sins to him and that those sins precluded him from going to the temple. The MP told me that nobody in this elder’s ward could get time off to babysit him so he was begging one of us – I didn’t want to go to the temple, it was a crappy way to spend a P-Day in my opinion, so I told the MP I’d do it. I spent the day eating popsicles and napping with an elder who, in between Bolis and naps, would shakily and tearfully confess that no fewer than half of his companions had secret phones they used to watch porn, hire prostitutes, and buy drugs. This was bewildering to me since I had been Trying So Hard my whole mission and had always felt inadequate, and these elders who were doing better than me and more respected than me were somehow out here fucking, doing drugs, and jorkin’ it.

I was actually in a “Punishment Area” at the time because in my last area one of my life-threateningly attractive companions had gone into the homes of widows to repair their electrical wirings (he was a trained electrician prior to going on a mission.) Being alone in the home of an 80-year-old widow with failing lights was “against the rules” to the extent that me mandaron a la goma, and some handful of guys I’d been told to view as role models were out here breaking actual laws and shit. Of course, I knew in my heart of hearts that I was in this area because of the Deep Evil that Lay Within My Heart (wanting to kiss Elder Electrician on his stupid himbo lips) but my MP could not have known that, just like he didn’t know that the guys he was making Zone Leaders were getting their dicks sucked and snorting cocaine. That honestly felt outrageous to me.

I feel like the stereotypical “worst day” of a mission is the last day – they take you to the airport in a big van, all melancholy and nostalgic. We sang on our drive to the airport – elders and sisters tearfully sang or hummed hymns together. I was deadpan the whole time, it was such a relief to be going home. For me the worst part of the day was the relief – the release of pressure. The pressure to perform, to be “on,” to be at your best, is omnipresent for elders. I was the only person flying to Phoenix, so for the first time in two years I felt a release from that pressure. Nobody was scrutinizing me, I no longer felt that every thought, action, and feeling was being evaluated and judged as a sign of my true character. It was hard to realize, a the pressure let up, that I had been holding all that weight for two years without knowing when it had started. I remember getting confused in Customs and needing someone who spoke Spanish to talk to me because I kept forgetting words in English. I remember getting home and my family waiting for me and feeling like it was all finally done, finally over, I could finally breath. It didn’t feel bad, but it did feel heavy. And it definitely was not the worst day of my mission.

The actual worst day of my mission, though, was about 5 months in. At the 6-month mark I was expected to make a long trip down to an area of town near La Basilica de Guadalupe to submit my visa paperwork, and the mission office had sent me an extra $500 MX to use for transportation costs. When I withdrew the money they had sent for the month, I noticed it was higher than expected. My companion, a senior companion and district leader, had the cell phone. He was talking to another elder while he waited for me to withdraw my monthly deposit. I approached and asked if I could use the cell phone to call the mission office, as I had questions. He said “no,” and ignored me. I waited until the conversation ended and asked again, and again, angrily, he said, “No.” I said “Elder, relax, I just need to call the mission office to see why they sent me more this month than usual.” His face turned red as he realized other elders were watching the exchange occur. He handed me the phone, I called and was told the money was for transportation costs, and laughingly returned the phone to my companion. He took it, told the other elders he needed to tie his shoe but they could head on over to the District Meeting, and waited until they were out of eyesight. Once that was done, he grabbed me hard by the wrist, dragged me into a hidden corner out of earshot from others, and said, “If you ever disrespect me or my authority again I swear to God I will kill you.”

I was actually shocked. This guy had spent the last month and a half being SUPER nice to me, so I thought he was kidding and I was just confused. I laughed and said “Haha, yeah, your authority over the cell phone is sacred,” and tried to walk away but he didn’t let go of my wrist. He pulled me back and said “I will literally slit your throat if you ever talk to me like that again. As senior companion my authority over YOU is sacred, and I will not let God be mocked by you.”

I realized that he was serious. Like, actually threatening-my-life serious. I could see it in his eyes, I could feel it in the way he squeezed tighter on my wrist. In actuality, the idea seems laughable now. The guy was absolutely chickenshit. He cried if his shits were too hard, he couldn’t end a human life, but I still didn’t let myself fall asleep first for the rest of our time together. And I still hid the two knives we had in a different area while he was showering the next morning.

If I’m being honest though, even that wasn’t the worst day of my mission. That was bad, and each subsequent time he told me he was going to cut my throat for minor infractions against his God-Given Authority Over Me (like not wearing a belt for morning scripture study, or not taking the path he thought was best to get to a lesson) was a bad day. Every P-Day where he read my emails over my shoulder to make sure I wasn’t telling my parents about how he was treating me, every day he told me that the ward members would never believe me over him, every day he put me down in front of other elders and they laughed in agreement, every day he was in a bad mood and took it out on me was a bad day. But the worst day was the day I told the mission president about it. I told him about the threats to my life, his temper, his physical abuse, hiss manipulation and rule-breaking, and the mission president told me “The time to tell me this was 6 months ago. The time to forgive him and focus on your own failings is now.”

I don’t think I’ve ever felt as confused or betrayed as I did then. Like, man oh man, that was a rough thing to hear, but as the day went on I kept feeling more and more confused and scared – had I misinterpreted everything? Had I miscommunicated something in telling the story? Had I not been objective enough in recounting the threats against my life? Was it true that a senior companion actually had the authority to hurt me if I went against his authority? Was I wrong the whole time? I had no idea, to be honest, but it was bewildering.

Knowing now what I wish I had known then, I would have done things differently. But in the moment, on a mission, knowing that my biggest reason for going on a mission was the hope that the Spirit of God, which hymns told me burns like fire, would burn the faggot out of my heart. I think I felt like I deserved it. Like somehow that elder knew the evil I was hiding and felt compelled by God’s power to hurt me. I think that’s what made it so hard to defend myself in the moment – I did not have that problem with other elders. The companion who told me we were gonna wrestle to settle an argument lost three consecutive matches and pouted about it for like a week. The elder who threatened to punch me for making a joke at his expense got knocked on his ass just for raising his fist. But this elder got into my head first, and that made it hard to fight against it. Instead of fighting against it, I just silently lived with actual, verifiable, diagnosed, by-the-book, DSM-5-TR Posttraumatic Stress Disorder because I thought I deserved it. It took consistent supervision of my clinical work revealing countertransference with Male LDS clients (I consistently discussed addressing shame in a client’s presentation where no shame or discomfort had been reported), an awkward conversation with @inbabylontheywept after an even more awkward dinner with a cousin who vaguely reminds me of that companion, and a bad acid trip where I had visceral flashbacks to my mission, before I was able to realize that I was living with a pain that was as abnormal as it was unnecessary.

Even once I realized it, even once I got help, it was hard. I remember telling jokes about what happened to my therapist and seeing her jaw just…drop. She said she didn’t know it had been that dangerous for me. The session ended and he sent me the PCL-5 (a good, evidence-based, highly face-valid measure for PTSD) and some other measure for dissociative symptoms and I was like “Girl, I just took this class, I know what you’re trying to measure and this ain’t it.” I reported my symptoms accurately and was fully prepped to confront her the next session. She showed me my scores and the norms used, and I was like “Oh fuck, this looks really bad on paper,” and she was like “Yeah, I can’t imagine living like this” and I just sobbed for most of that session. We ended up doing 9 months of TF-CBT and ACT (largely because I am a terrible and uncooperative patient, realistically I think I could have been done in like 5-6 months if I wasn’t so stubborn) before I was discharged from treatment successfully.

The thing that was so weird about starting therapy for PTSD was that it made things feel worse for a while. I started taking edibles a lot more. I started behaving differently around family members and Mormons. I started being outright hostile to elders I could see. It took about 3 months before I could see the missionaries and not have an actual fight-or-flight response to their presence. I think the way I had made it a far as I did without getting treatment was by repressing the thoughts, feelings, and memories that made it all hurt, and a soon as I let them just be there it was like all the confusing aching hurt came back. The first few months of therapy were just spent expanding the amount of time I could feel that hurt before turning to other means (like dissociation, cannabis, repression, etc.) so I could actually address the experiences without crashing the rest of the day. It was hard. I know I ended several sessions sweating a LOT from the exertion it took to just let the feelings happen. By 6 months, however, I could go into a church building without blacking out from panic. By 9 months I could sit in the same room as elders without sweating and shaking like a chihuahua on Adderall. 3 months after therapy and me and my supervisors noticed that my work with Mormon men had improved substantially. 6 months after therapy and I was able to begin writing anonymous stories online. Now, about two years after completing therapy, I feel like I can talk about it without needing the cloak of anonymity, and that is empowering.

Again, I am not sure why I’m typing these stories out – they’re not fun to write, I don’t love that my family can find these posts, but I guess I just like to remind myself and others that it can always get better. That mind numbing platitude, the old thought-terminating cliché that “it gets better, just power through it” doesn’t give enough credit to how much it hurts to get through it, but it does get better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The triggers can go away with time, great effort, significant expense, and a lot of discomfort. The world can feel safe again, the hurt can feel bearable, that nagging worry that I might have deserved this, or that I did something wrong, can eventually go away too. It’s not easy to do it, and I have an incredible respect for the patients of mine who can pull it off, but it is undeniably as doable a it is difficult. If this story resonates with anyone, if it feels close-to-home, if these experiences feel shared, just know that the relief I talked about can feel shared too. Know that it’s worth it to get the help, that you deserve the help, that you deserve to live a life that doesn’t hurt you, that you deserve to be a full person and not a living prison for the pain and memories. Know that healing yourself does not involve extending forgiveness to Them, whoever They are. That the pain you felt will not be made less important by making the pain less potent. Know that taking care of yourself now is, in a way, taking care of yourself then. And Please, with a capital P, take care of yourselves.

Thank you to my family, especially my immediate family (special shout outs to @flowerologists and @inbabylontheywept) for the support and patience with me as I dealt with this.

Thank you to my therapist, Jordin Borques, who I recommend highly to anyone seeking trauma therapy in Arizona.

Thank you to my wife, @cintailed, for being the push that got me into therapy, and for taking care of me at my worst and still being here with me.

Thanks to my mission president for being such a colossal disappointment to Christianity that my departure from the church was inevitable.

And a general thanks to the queers for being so cute and making life worth living, even on bad days.

[st7rnioioss]

ੈ‧₊˚ i’m marrying mommy

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: chris sturniolo x reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: part 2 to "when are you gonna marry mommy?". chris finally gets to propose to you, but not without help from his favourite buddy. (part 1 here)

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: fluff, cursing, kissing, nothing really!

───────── 🐇

since you and chris’s son, connor, had sleepily talked to chris about proposing to you, chris’s mind had been stirring with thoughts. he was constantly thinking about when, how and where he would do it, propose, to you.

he knew connor was right - you do love chris more than anything, but at the same time proposing is not an everyday activity.

In secret, chris had been looking around online, as well as in-store to find the perfect ring for you. If he was going to propose, it had to be perfect.

and of course, chris had invited connor with him. the small trips to the ice cream shop were in fact trips to the jeweler. and it went unnoticed by you, because after going to the jeweller, chris took connor to get ice cream, so every few days you were met with your favorite boys with ice cream cones in their hands.

“how do you like that one, buddy?” chris leaned down to be at the same height as your five-year-old, pressing a finger to the glass with the prettiest and sparkliest rings. It was like watching a diamond mine, but up close.

“hm. I don't think mommy likes the shape. all her rings are round, not square.” connor speculates. chris thought it was the cutest thing ever - he was chris’s biggest supporter in this.

“yeah, you’re right,” chris smiled at connor, eyeing the cashier who was chuckling silently. It wasn’t every day you saw a five-year-old being so passionate about engagement rings.

───────── 🐇

after months of looking at rings and lots of trips to different jewellers, connor and chris had decided on a beautiful, silver round engagement ring. It was perfect. chris and connor had seen it at the same time, immediately agreeing it was the one.

the following days the two boys were trying to plan where to propose. sure, it doesn't sound too fun to do that with a child, but connor and chris were best friends, plus, everyone knows chris is a little childish from time to time.

“where have you two been?” you ask with a smile, raising an eyebrow at chris and connor as you cross your arms. they were hand in hand, looking like deers in headlights.

Unannounced, they had been out to buy the ring they had been looking at for the past few days. you had come home to an empty house and no message from chris.

“we-” chris started but was cut off by connor running up to you.

“mommy! I missed you,” he giggled, wrapping his arms around your waist. “me and daddy went to get ice cream again.” connor smiled, looking back at his dad with a wide grin.

“you heard him,” chris chuckled, pointing at connor as he walked up to you, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“hm, I don’t see any cones. are you two sneaking around?” you giggled, returning the kiss chris gave you.

“no, because daddy said I could only get one scoop!” Connor huffed, looking at chris with squinted eyes and a sly smile.

chris faked a gasp, his hands immediately flying to his chest to act hurt.

“stop exposing me! don’t snitch,” chris faked an offended expression, connor immediately started giggling.

you and chris had discussed getting married before, but it was when connor was just a tiny boy. you ended up agreeing to do it at some point when connor was old enough to remember it.

───────── 🐇

a few weeks later, it finally hit chris.

“hey, man. I’ve got an idea,” chris smiles, sitting down beside connor on the couch.

You were out buying groceries, so the boys had the house to themselves.

“what?” connor giggles, putting his crayons down.

“so, I thought about where to propose to mommy. when mommy and I were teenagers, we went to the park just down the street, and I kissed mommy there for the first time, ever.” chris explains to connor, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks, reliving the nostalgic memory.

“chris, you’re getting ice cream on me! stop!” you giggled, pushing chris’s hand with the spoonful of ice cream away.

chris had invited you out on a date, taking you to the park to get ice cream

“it’s on your nose!” chris laughed loudly, withdrawing his hand from your face.

carefully, he leaned in with a napkin, wiping the ice cream off your nose.

“fuck you,” you chuckled, keeping eye contact with him as he got it all off.

there was silence for a bit, and you suddenly felt very close on the tiny bench. you were both almost in a trance, gazing into each other's eyes.

“ca... can I kiss you?” chris whispered, being careful not to do anything wrong to make you uncomfortable.

“yeah,” you whispered back, a small smile tugging at your lips. he chuckled softly, cupping your face with both of his hands, as gently as possibly kissing your chapped lips.

“ew, kissing..” connor did a disgusted expression, making chris laugh.

“no, buddy, I’m saying I propose to mommy in that park. what do you think?” chris smiles, tickling connors sides.

“daddy, stop! yes! It- it’s a good idea!” connor giggled, the childish laughter warming chris's heart.

───────── 🐇

and finally the time came around. chris had tried his best to dress connor nicely, but not too nicely. he told you that he was inviting you and connor on a picnic in the park, and you instantly agreed.

it was the perfect day as well, the sun was shining, but it wasn’t too hot. you guys had found a spot underneath a big tree, leaving a nice shadow.

“connor, stop! your drink is gonna spill,” you smiled, taking connor’s glass out of his tiny hand.

after a second, chris eyed connor to signal it was time for the real deal.

chris stood up, getting off the blanket to avoid getting it dirty. you looked up at him, a little confused as you were just getting started on the picnic.

“so,” chris cleared his throat. “y/n,” he said, slowly getting down on one knee, fumbling in his pocket for the box.

at this point you were in utter shock, unable to do anything but just stare at chris in absolute disbelief.

“we’ve been together for a while now. 9 fantastic years, maybe even the best years of my life. we have an amazing kid, thanks for the help buddy. and I couldn’t imagine my 26-year-old self being anywhere besides here. with you. and connor-” he winked at him, immediately adverting his gaze back to yours. 

“so uh- I.. will- will you marry me?” chris asked, chuckling a bit as he struggled to open the velvet box with the ring in it.

you were beyond surprised. nothing could’ve prepared you for this.

“oh my fuc- good god. yes, a thousand times yes!” you whisper-yelled, a single tear rolling down your cheek. you got up to hug chris with the biggest smile on both your faces, chris even shedding a small tear.

“god, i love you so so much,” chris sniffled, holding you tightly before gently pulling back.

“now, look at that,” he beamed, holding out your hand, now with a ring on it.

you looked up at him, your eyes filled with pure love, looking down at connor who was standing next to you.

“yay, finally! i love you mommy, and daddy!” connor laughed, hugging you both by your hips.

“oh connor, i love you a million times more,” you wiped a tear, picking conor up by your hip, giving him a fat kiss to his cheek.

“me and daddy didn’t get ice cream at all, we were looking for the diamond rings at the jeweller,” he smiled smugly at chris who was already laughing.

“oh yeah. he’ll definitely be one of the bridesmen. thanks for the help, buddy.” chris kissed the top of his head, looking back at you to kiss you - now engaged.

“ew, stop!”

───────── 🐇

a/n: i hope this lived up to ur expectations! im so sorry ive been practically gone i havent been motived at all :( ily all so much!🤍

taglist: @chrissgirlsstuff @leah-loves-lillies @toriinie @cupidzsq @lacysturniolo @iluvmattyb @ratatioulle @emma4eva @riasturns @sstvrnioloo @sweetbabydoe @elliewrites1 @its-jennarose @abbypost @chrisstopherfilmed @sturniolossss @ducksturniolo @junnniiieee07 @klaus223492 @urfavvev3lyn @vschrissturn @cicimayx @keerahsturn @sturniolololover @domaniquessidehoe @sturniolossss @orangelala-deactivated20240420 @sturnioloslvtt @gwenloremain @k-l-a-w-s @pearlzier @pjmpcyy @mbsbaby @christhopersturniolo @mattspolitank

[rottenherbs]

A Weasley Holiday (pt.2) // G.W x reader

Summary: After you arrived to the Burrow, you awoke from a quick nap for dinner. Afterwards everyone rushed outside to build a snowman, you and George more interested in other plans.

Word Count: 1.5k

Authors Note: SHORTY! Ive been busy with work and the holidays! Lots of socializing — Anyways, I have been slowly working on pieces as i can, not as fast as i could a month ago! But after the holidays ill be more inclined to whip out pieces like you’ve never seen. Thank you for reading!

[masterlist] (part one here <-)

Much Love, Saige

————————

You woke up from your slumber by your cheek being softly caressed. You didn’t dare open your eyes, too blissfully comfortable and warm underneath the sheets. You attempted to keep your eyes closed, enjoying every last touch George's fingertips gave you.

“Darling come on. It’s supper time, and mum made your favorite.” He whispered, his fingers now brushing your hair around your face. He admired how you looked in his bed, wishing he had gotten into bed with you earlier.

“She made Shepard pie?” You asked, your eyes glimmering up at George. He laughed lightly, his hand still cupping your cheek nodding in affirmation. He slipped a hand under the blankets peeling them back from your body, urging you to get up. You shivered dramatically, your once toasty body now exposed to the elements.

“Here you little freeze baby.” George turned and walked to his closet, searching meticulously for something to give you. You pulled the covers back over you, tucking your chin playfully as you waited. He rummaged for a while before turning and holding up a tattered sweatshirt. It had a large Hogwarts crest on the front, the imagery worn beautifully down. You reached out your hands excitedly, happy to wear any piece of his clothing.

“It’s from 5th year….a little tight on me now” He shrugged, turning back to the closet to pick something out for himself. Slipping it over your head, your arms snaked through the sleeves holding them up to your nose and inhaling deeply. It was reminiscent of his old cologne, one that he didn’t typically wear anymore. So nostalgic and sweet.

You eventually got out of bed and walked down the winding staircase to the kitchen, now bustling with activity. Harry arrived as well, taking a place at the table sending you a casual wave over. You and George broke off, you going towards the dining table and him off to help his mum in the kitchen.

“It’s so nice to see you here y/n.” Harry smiled, scooting over on the bench to make room for you. You gladly sat down, looking around the space once more.

“I’m so happy to be here.” You said breathlessly. Every minute felt like a dream. Like a true vacation in a quaint little home with your friends and family. This is what the holidays were about.

”We're gonna go out after supper, try to make a snowman if you’d like to join?” Harry asked, picking up his glass of water. Taking a sip, George bounded over before you could respond.

“Sounds like potential for a snowball fight.” He raised his eyebrows looking over at you. “Were in”.

You just shook your head, happy to participate anyway. Harry chuckled and shrugged his shoulders, all three of you enveloping into small conversation about the plans for the remainder of winter break.

Dinner was wonderful, and Mrs. Weasley berated you after you called her Mrs.Weasely attempting to give compliments to the chef.

“Call me Molly dear, please. I might as well pitch up a sign on the door for everyone.” She exhaled, laughing lightly to herself. “Mrs.Weasley, good heavens.” Placing a hand on her chest rolling her eyes playfully. “Now I know i'm not that old!” The whole table chuckled, your beating heart slowing down, suddenly less afraid that she was truly upset with you. It became quite apparent that you and Harry had trouble calling her Molly; you’d both rather call her mum (but you’d never reveal that).

After dinner you stayed back and helped clean up, placing the dirty dishes next to the sink as they magically lifted one by one and washed themselves. The system of housecleaning was easy and the chores were minimal meaning you, Harry, and the Weasley siblings were out into the snow in no time.

Everyone was bundled up to the highest degree, not risking any contamination of icy wind or snow inside their clothes. Each person was distinctly larger, several layers and large boots changed the dimensions of each of the boys, you as well. It felt as if you had your own padding and shielding, godric forbid you get hit with a nasty snowball. Unfortunately for you, the chances were high.

You and George limped outside, the snow was as high as your shins creating such resistance to each step you took. Finding a satisfactory pile, you turned to face George and fell on your back, the snow cushioning your descent very nicely. George laughed and followed your lead, practically belly flopping into the snow face down, rolling around like a freshly washed dog. His clothes were covered in the white dust, and he became almost invisible if you squint hard enough.

While George was busy trying to stand back up, his body slightly off balance from the accumulation of snow, you pounded a small mound of snow together in your hands, aiming it directly at his chest, or so you thought.

The snowball gracefully flew through the air, cresting just above his head and landing directly on his face, splattering the cold debris everywhere. Goerge yelped, falling to the ground, his hands clutching his chest dramatically.

“I've been SHOT. FRIENDLY FIRE FRIENDLY FIRE!” He yelled, rolling around the snow once more. You laughed heartily, rushing over to his flailing body.

“I didn’t mean to hit you in the face! I’m so sorry-“ You started to apologize, but George’s hand whipped up once you got close enough, pulling you to the ground swiftly. He wrapped his arms around you, both of you rolling on top of eachother, pushing and tossing snow in eachothers face playfully. Once you two were out of energy, you stopped to catch your breath, both laying up towards the sky.

Your cheeks were reddened from the cold air and the tip of your nose was frozen to the touch. You turned your head towards George who laid beside you.

“I just can't get enough of you.” He mumbled, looking over at you. You smiled, staring into eachothers eyes, nothing but the sound of Ron and Harry yelling in the background about the logistics of their snowman’s proportions. You couldn’t have been more grateful to be living in this exact moment as you were.

You glanced over at Harry and Ron, Fred now joining them with a pile of sticks, all to entranced in their snowman to notice you both. You looked back at George with a smirk on your face, feeling particularly flirty. You leaned over quickly placing a small kiss on his cheek and on his lips, hovering lightly before planting another. He looked at you with wide eyes, enjoying the kiss, but nervously checking on harry and Ron, a feeling of embarrassment if you were caught kissing.

Something deep in George’s core lit like a fire, his body reacting pleasantly to the idea of possibly being caught, that you two kissing was forbidden, or at the very least secretive.

His hands quickly grabbed your body, the barrier of the clothing frustrating his fingers, unable to fully feel your skin. Your lips were freezing, but warmed up lightly to the feeling of his, cascading gracefully and slowly alongside eachother. The kiss seemed to deepen quickly, both of your hands holding onto his face, pulling his body as close to you as possible. His hands held your jacket tightly, as if he was willing to rip it off of your body. You both laid on your side facing each other, bodies stiff and immovable, just your heads bobbing rhythmically.

George pulled back, resting his head on the snow completely out of breath. You bit your lip, watching him lay back, wishing he didn’t kissing you. Your chest was burning, itching for more contact. He pulled you onto his chest, now maneuvering your head to look up towards the sky. It had darkened severally since you all came outside, the stars now shining brightly.

“Do you believe we are all alone here. In our galaxy?” George whispered. The silence lingered between you two, taking the time to think of your own opinion.

“I’m not sure.” You finally responded. You weren’t sure. Would it be sadder that you were alone as a species completely in the universe, or too far to ever meet the other life, both ideas making your head spin.

“I think id be alright either way.” George mumbled. “I feel pretty satisfied with just you.” He leaned, whispering sultry into your ear. The hair on the back of your neck stood up, your body becoming hot again, not even the snow was able to cool your nerves. Your hands traveled back to his neck pulling him closer to you, the kiss resuming with the same amount of passion.

You weren’t sure how long you’d be able to last out in the cold, but you also weren’t sure if you’d be able to contain yourself if you both went inside

[kissmetwicekissmedeadly]

MIDNIGHT CINDERELLA MEMORIAL POST

The Midnight Cinderella app will be closed on Monday August 26th, 2024 (5 PM JST). The English version was actively updated from 2014 to 2021 when Cybird announced the ceasing of operations for MidCin, but the app remained accessible until today. I'm sure I'm not the only one who mourns the loss of it even after all these years of discontinuation, so I wanted to put together a post to properly say goodbye to it. Trying my best not to make it all too sappy - I'd rather look at it as a show that reached its final episode. Some things might be left unresolved but in the end, you remember the cast and the emotions they made you feel more than the actual plot. Nowadays there arguably may be better titles by Cybird out there, but for me, the simplicity of MidCin was what made the details so memorable.

1. VIDEO - POV: You're playing Midnight Cinderella (for 10 minutes)

The 10-minute version (without sound) is accessible via the link above (opens in Google Docs) This one I was really excited about recording! It's just your normal day playing midcin, I'm sure many will find it nostalgic and comforting. You log in, claim your daily bonus (I used the chance to do a present box reveal, 90+ items, many of which you might recognize from route grace checks), play the garden gacha (in my case, I used up all the points I had accumulated, 7800 which equals 39 solos), do your princess lessons, change your avatar, greet your friends, read 1/5 of today's free story parts, check the ranking and your stats, look at your memories directory. The video has no sound, as the game wouldn't let me turn it on (you will see me try to do so throughout the video...) but later on I got it to work so I recorded a one-minute video (the one imported above) of me replenishing stamina just for those iconic sound effects that you either loved or absolutely couldn't stand the volume of, haha.

2. A Midnight Cinderella playlist (spotify link)

While I wasn't there for the early days of midcin, the songs I associated with the game almost always captured this very specifically nostalgic 90s-10s period, you'll see what I mean. Many of those are taken from 8track playlists dedicated to Midnight Cinderella, and if I'm not mistaken you can still look at what is left of them if you search them up. Others are just my very random interpretations of the route stories and the characters.

3. Fic recommendations

We have a lovely community of creatives and there are still so many works left behind which you can check out on the tags! But especially for fics I wanted to list some that truly touched me during the years (all links open in ao3) -

i'm on fire and its NSFW bonus scene bloodstream by a deleted user - words are not enough for this one. It's like it meant more than Nico's whole route for me at one point, and the songs are forever in my heart as Nico songs...

MidCin Works by DBMidCin (SoftSen) - ALL of these. This is my go-to collection of writings for midcin when I start to miss the game, it has a little bit of everything. The headcanon of Giles teaching his girls French for instance is one of the things I still remember reading like it was yesterday!

Bedroom Etiquette (NSFW) by RubyLeeRay - Because this is the dream. Doing something forbidden with your tutor Giles is the ultimate fantasy, I swear. I just love it.

And of course, many, many more. There are currently 166 works on the midcin tag in Ao3, and I'm sure there are a lot of hidden gems here on tumblr as well! Reminder that writers LOVE it when you interact with their old works, it's not weird, you shouldn't hesitate doing so if you find yourself enjoying any of them! <3

4. My own humble collection of MidCin writings on my writing blog @xxsycamore!

Maid, Butler, Chamberlain (NSFW) - Nico x MC with Giles joining them

Grabbles: 💋 Demand for a kiss, right here, right now (GILES); 👔 Stealing their clothes to cuddle when you miss them (BYRON); more coming soon as there are still some in my askbox and I plan on including midcin in future short writings request openings too.

Shared Moments (NSFW) - Nico x Reader - Secret relationship

Ice-cold heat (NSFW) - Byron x Reader - Temperature play

Double the Surprise - Alyn and Leo birthday fic

Leo Crawford having a misadventure with a cat (ao3 link) - crack fic featuring most of the suitors

5. Out of context Midnight Cinderella screenshots

This is a sideblog of mine dedicated to posting out-of-context funny screenshots that I took while playing the routes - @oocmidcin . If you have some of your own that are not on there, you're free to submit them and add to the archive!

6. The perfect MidCin song - The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives

When I first discovered this song back in 2020 I dreamed of making it into a midcin music video with simplistic art and animations... It ended up being just something you daydream in detail about while in the car, but that's alright. I could at least share my vision with you! Disclaimer, this is just an interpretation and obviously it can't fit all characters ideally - In the brackets, I explain how the lyric is related to them and usually it reveals their backstories. Some of the details I've already forgotten, sorry if it's inaccurate.)

Tell me once again

I could have been anyone, anyone else

Before you made the choice for me

(Giles - his family making the choice for him since birth and later disowning him once he failed to become a knight due to his illness)

My feet knew the path

We walked in the dark, in the dark

I never gave a single thought to where it might lead

(Nico - wandering the streets with his mother once they were thrown out of Stein castle because she was a commoner having an affair with Byron's father, the King)

All those empty rooms

We could have been anywhere, anywhere else

Instead I made a bed with apathy

(Robert - the empty rooms of the once flourishing palace of the country that Robert ruled and led to demise, nowadays becoming a mere court painter)

My heart knew the weight

Ten years' worth of dust and neglect

We made our peace with weariness and let it be

(Leo - the years in which Alyn didn't speak to him, after the death of their parents)

The moon will sing a song for me

I loved you like the sun

Bore the shadows that you made

With no light of my own

(Albert - loyally standing in king Byron's shadow)

Name your courage now

We could have had anything, anything else

Instead you hoarded all that's left of me

(Sid - his relationship with his fiance that he agreed upon just to find out more about his parents by getting close to her father)

Swallowing your doubt

Like swords to the pit of my belly

I want to feel the fire that you kept from me

(Alyn - searching for answers about the murder of his family and the fire that burnt down their home)

I shine only with the light you gave me

(I could have been anyone, anyone)

(Louis - being a nobody and MC being his sun)

7. It goes on

I went to read what I could of chapter 4 of Rayvis' route, using my last two chapter tickets as well, thinking it won't make me cry. And then I'm hit with those familiar things.

So let's close this with a word about the things that never change in the universe of Midnight Cinderella.

Stumbling down the grand staircase and right into the arms of somebody. Escaping the palace at midnight with Nico's help. Sitting at breakfast with Giles giving you your schedule for the day. Nico's teasing little smile as he accompanies you everywhere and listens to your relationship troubles. The way he's just a little suspicious at times. Finding Robert painting in the garden of Wysteria palace. Going to the room of your chosen suitor for the first time and meeting a pet there. Leo teaching you history and politics in his office. Dance lessons with Louis. Needing those dance lessons because King Byron is coming to Wysteria and a ball is going to take place. The bureaucrats being unhappy with you as a princess elect, no matter what. Galloping on a horse with Alyn who just protected you from an enemy attack. Getting information from a certain flirty merchant at a bar. Albert bickering with Nico, Sid teasing Louis. Being introduced to Archduke Herneit at Stein castle. King Byron appreciating the night sky. The sight of your yellow and orange princess elect room where on the large bed with its blue bedframe and tall see-through canopy you lie awake and think about the events of the day and how would a wise future Queen of Wysteria deal with the current situation. But ultimately you fall asleep, hearing the melancholically beautiful sounds of a violin coming from somewhere deep within your dream, and leave it all to the following day.

Thank you for everything, Midnight Cinderella!

08/26/2024

[astrobiscuits]

Solar Return obs 1

Before we start...

For the best results, always ALWAYS compare your Solar Return chart with your Natal chart. For pinpointing the exact timing when something will happen in your love life, look up at your upcoming Venus Return chart. When does it start? Now compare it with your next Solar Return. If you have planets in your 7th house in Solar Return, notice if they are proeminent in your current Venus Return chart. Bingo! You've just found out when these planets are going to get activated (around the date of the Venus Return chart)

Without further do, let's roll the SR observations!💗

🦩 Jupiter in 4th house indicates moving abroad that year

🦩 While Uranus in 4th house brings sudden, unexpected changes in your home life. Moving to another house? You bet. Redecorating your whole house because you just woke up with the urge to do so? Could be another possibility

🦩 Jupiter trine Venus in SR brings an easiness to manifesting everything you want that year. If Jupiter/Venus is in 2nd house trining the other planet, then you might also get lots of gifts

🦩 Venus in 2nd house also indicates spending more than usual on material possesions that year (compulsive shopping much)

🦩 Sun conjunct Saturn and Venus in 6th house = becoming "that girl". Your main focus will be on building a solid, stable routine for yourself, that also looks aesthetically pleasing

🦩 Stellium in 10th house/11th house = high chance of becoming (internet) famous. Bonus points is Jupiter is involved (i started my blog while my current SR has a 10th house stellium and i have to thank you guys for showing such big support for this blog🥹 thank you)

🦩 Jupiter in 9th house can indicate travelling abroad for the purpose of experimenting different lifestyles (For ex. you visit Guatemala because you want to experience what is like to be a Guatemalian - you want to try all their traditional dishes, learn their traditional dances and open up your mind to a different culture)

🦩 Another meaning of Jupiter in 9th house is that you might go abroad for college or if you start college in your homecountry, then you're probably going to major in foreign languages, philosophy or religion

🦩 Pluto in 4th house could mean uncovering a family secret. Don't be surprised if you find out that you're adopted or you have family members alive that you didn't know about👀

🦩 Moon in 4th house means that you'll feel much more nostalgic that year. You might spend more time with your mother than usual, reminescence on your childhood memories or look through old photos of you and your family

🦩 If you're in a relationship and you've got Neptune in 7th house in your next SR, then i'm sorry to disappoint you, but expect a year where you might question your partner's loyalty. I'm not saying your partner is going to cheat, but for some reason you might feel more suspicious of them than usual

🦩 Mars in 8th house = expect more sex than usual lol

🦩 If Pluto squares Mars and one of these planets is in the 4th house/5th house/7th house/10th house/11thouse, beware of power plays and toxic dynamics in your family/friendships/relationship (for 4th,5th,7th or 11th house) or at your workplace (for 10th house)

🦩 Moon in 12th house indicates that you're going to be more secretive with your emotions. You won't tell people how you feel and at times you might be confused about your own emotions, because you'll have the tendency to surpress them

🦩 With Jupiter conjuncting Ascendant (doesn't matter if it's in the 12th house or 1st house), expect to be constantly blessed by the Universe without doing anything. One of the most luckiest placements you could have in your SR

🦩 Neptune trine Mercury indicates a high chance of coming up with a creative masterpiece that year (it can be in any domain: arts, music, writing, acting, u name it)

🦩 Saturn in 2nd house can indicate going on a diet that year

🦩 Mars in 3rd house indicates being more argumentative that year than usual. You might speak at a faster pace or speak before thinking twice

🦩 Indicators in SR for meeting your future spouse:

SR Juno conjuncts SR Sun/Moon/Venus

SR Juno conjuncts SR Descendant

SR Juno conjuncts one of your natal, personal planets

Natal Juno conjuncts one of your SR planets

If the 5th house/7th house is involved, then you'll also start dating them/be in a relationship with them that year!!

🦩 If you've been struggling with fear of dying, Sun in 12th house indicates a year when you'll probably overcome this fear. During this year, you're more prone to dive deeper into what happens after death, which will naturally ease your anxiety

🦩 I had Capricorn rising with Pluto and Saturn in 1st house this year and it was ROUGH. Capricorn risings sets the theme for the year as a year with hardships, obstacles and difficulties in achieving happiness. Saturn in 1st house brings a lower than usual sense of self-esteem, while Pluto in 1st house tells us about a major change when it comes to how others perceive us. This change isn't as sudden as the changes Uranus brings, more like something that has been boiling for a while in the dark and now it finally comes up to the surface. This year i decided to pursue astrology as my (future) career and i've also told people in my life about it. I felt like i was truly reborn compared to where i was last year

[skinnyminiindustrial]

FESTIVAL AT UA

♡Summary: It's been five years since you graduated from UA and became a pro-hero. During a reunion festival back at UA, you are reunited with your old classmates, including Bakugo Katsuki, the spiky-haired blonde who never left your thoughts.

Word count: 1,661

☆*:.｡. o o .｡.:*☆

It had been five years since I graduated from UA, and life as a Pro Hero had its ups and downs for sure, but never as bad as the all-for-one battle. We are still rebuilding and trying to go back to some sort of normal since that day, which is hard, but we will pull through! Today is going to be a break from all that. The reunion festival at UA is happening, and I couldn’t be more excited! I was even more excited to see a certain spiky-haired blonde who had never left my thoughts.

Bakugo Katsuki, “The Boy Who Lived.” I liked to call him sometimes, and it’s all thanks to Edge Shot, who kept his heart beating and fixed him up. He died, keeping him alive. It was a miraculous recovery that Bakugo made. Way before the battle had even remotely begun, Bakugo was always a part of my UA experience. His explosive personality, raw determination, and passion had drawn me in back then, and if I’m being honest with myself, they still do. But back in high school, he was more focused on proving himself than anything else, and I figured that relationships weren’t exactly what he was worried about back then. Also, the all-for-one thing went down, and I never got to tell my feelings to him.

Years of hero work and occasional meet-ups with friends have buried them deep down in my heart. Today was different. Something about being back at UA felt nostalgic, and my heart started to race as I made my way to the festival!

The campus had lights hanging up, but it was evening and there was still light outside, so I couldn’t tell that they were that bright. Confetti littered the ground from the original opening earlier that day. Booths lined the walkways, and I could already spot some familiar faces.

I made my way through the crowd, with a few people stopping me for pictures. I was chatting with old classmates like Kirishima and Mina, and strangely, I felt a familiar explosive energy near me. I turned my head, and there he was—Bakugo Katsuki, his arms crossed. He had his usual scowl as he talked to Deku and Todoroki while walking towards us. He looked so different he looked more grown-up than when I last saw him, more confident and aware of people in a sense. But those red eyes still burned with the same fiery intensity.

I tried to ignore the flutter in my chest. I took a breath as they approached us. “Hey, guys!”

“You made it,” Kirishima said to Bakugo, Todoroki, and Deku as they walked up to us, hugging them all. Bakugo looked not welcoming of it, but he didn’t tell him to back off.

“Of course! We wouldn’t miss this for the world!” Deku smiled as I tried not to make eye contact with Bakugo just yet.

“We were just talking about how weird it feels to be back after everything,” Deku added with the bright smile he used to have back in the day.

“Except we’re all Pro Heroes now,” Todoroki said coolly, glancing at Bakugo with a small smirk.

“TCH. Don’t go getting sentimental, idiots,” Bakugo scoffed, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking away.

I chuckled. “Still as charming as ever, Bakugo?”

His gaze snapped to me, and just for a moment, I thought I saw a flicker of something in his eyes and a slight change of emotion. But before I could even decipher it, he snapped back and turned his head away with a grunt. “Whatever.”

Despite his normal gruff demeanor, I always found Bakugo’s bluntness kind of endearing. It was part of his charm, I guess. He didn’t sugarcoat anything.

The festival continued, with games and activities all around, but my eyes kept finding my way back to Bakugo. I couldn’t help it. I tried to keep myself busy with some festival games—winning a plush toy here, laughing at Kaminari being a fool there—but no matter what I did, I couldn’t shake the feeling that Bakugo’s presence was magnetic.

Finally, I found myself wandering through a quieter part of the festival, away from most of the crowds. The lights that hung up in the trees lighting my path are now brighter because of the night sky. I didn’t notice Bakugo following me until I heard his voice behind me.

“Hey”

I turned around, and my heart skipped a beat. Bakugo stood there, his hands still in his pockets, his eyes locked on mine. “You’ve been staring at me all day,” he said, his tone a mix of frustration and something else I could not quite place.

My goodness, I must have looked like such a freak to him, I bet I creeped him out so bad. Heat rushed to my cheeks. “I wasn’t staring,” I stammered, trying my best to brush it off.

“Don’t lie to me,” he said, taking a step closer. “What’s up with you?”

I swallowed, unsure of how to respond to him. After all, how was I supposed to explain my years of lingering feelings? How am I supposed to tell Bakugo Katsuki that I have had a crush on him since high school?

But before I could even try to answer, Bakugo sighed, his gaze softening—something anyone rarely saw. “You’re different,” he muttered. He’s quieter than usual. “What’s going on?”

I blinked, taken aback. The last time he saw me was when we spit up in our groups to fight. The last time he saw me was when we spit up in our groups to fight the villains. We haven’t talked since then, only hearing things about each other either through the news or through our mutual friends, and yet he is acting like how we used to be back in the day, trying to not show it back then, but I know he cared for me in some way, even if it was something little that he thinks nobody else would recognize even though they all did, and I did too, but right now he’s acting like he was worried.

“I’m fine,” I say softly, though my heart is pounding. “I just… it’s been a while since we have seen each other, and all of us together, it just brings back a lot of memories, you know?”

Bakugo’s eyes flickered with resignation. “Yeah,” he muttered, looking away for a moment. “I get it.”

There was a brief silence between us before he spoke again. “You never said anything,” he said, his voice low. “Back at UA.”

I had a curious look on my face. “Said anything about what?”

“About liking me”

My heart stopped. I stared at him, eyes wide. “W-what?”

He huffed, a small smirk appearing on his face. “You think I’m blind? I noticed. Today I noticed, back then I noticed. I just didn’t say anything because... I wasn’t ready for it back then.”

My mouth went dry since, I guess, I was mouth-breathing and my heart was pounding in my chest. Dude, was he…confessing? Bakugo Katsuki? What the hell was he saying?

“Why are you bringing this up now?” I asked, and my voice was barely a whisper.

He shrugged, his eyes meeting mine again, more serious this time. “‘Cause I’ve had enough time to figure things out. And to be honest, I don’t hate the idea of you liking me.”

My cheeks burned, but before I could say anything, Bakugo stepped closer, his eyes never leaving mine. “So, what do you think?” He asked, his voice soft but confident. “So are you going to keep denying it, or are we doing this?”

I blinked up at him, my heart raving, and a slow smile slowly appeared on my face. “I guess we’re doing this,” I whispered.

Bakugo smirked, and without another word, he leaned down, pressing a quick kiss to your lips. It was unexpectedly gentle, and I might say his lips were soft, and he was a good kisser. It was unlike what I imagined it would be. But it was perfect.

Bakugo pulled away from the kiss, his usual confident smirk still on his face, but then there was a softer gleam in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before. I was speechless, my heart still fluttering as I processed what just happened. Did Bakugo just kiss me?

“Don’t get all weird now,” he said. His voice was gruff as he scratched the back of his neck, suddenly looking a little awkward and out of his element. “I ain’t good with this kind of stuff, but… you better not regret it.”

I let out a small laugh before I could even stop myself. Seeing Bakugo, usually so tough, loud, and aggressive, flustered like this was kind of cute. “I definitely won’t regret it,” I said softly, my smile widening as I watched him struggle to keep up his tough-guy facade.

“Good,” he grumbled, his pink cheeks still visible by the lights. “‘cause if you do regret it, I’ll—”

“You’ll what?” I teased, stepping a little closer. I felt confident now that the air between us had shifted. “Yell at me until I don’t.”

He shot me a halfhearted glare, but the corners of his mouth twitched upward into a smile. “TCH. Don’t push your luck.”

Bakugo might not have been that emotionally expressive in public, but right now he was letting it all hang out, and right now I could tell he was happy. It was written all over his face.

I think every thing is going to be different now, and I can’t wait to see what happens!

☆*:.｡. o o .｡.:*☆

My first story!!!!

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Awright I'm gonna get my take in on the current round of CJ discourse, because I do think I have a couple things to add! I'll be super clear upfront that I don't really care very strongly about Jack in any direction, he's a convenient character from Ed's past but that's about as far as I think about him.

So, Jack is the only character who we explicitly know has known Ed since he was very young, and the only one confirmed to be with him back in the Hornigold days. It's for this reason alone that I tend to take the information he tells us about Ed at face value - not because I think he's an honest character, but because he's the only window we're provided into that time of Ed's life. We can assume Jack also got into piracy young and he's been through the exact same grinder as Ed; this is one of the reasons that Ed takes it so hard when Stede kicks Jack off the ship. He feels like Jack and himself are the same genre of person - if Stede doesn't like Jack, then he'll realize soon he doesn't like Ed, either.

If he and Ed have had a sexual relationship in the past, I think that's so much more interesting than assuming Jack is lying. Ed and Jack very explicitly are not friends. Jack talks about his "dalliances" with Ed so dismissively. I think it's much more interesting to look at this with the takeaway that Ed's past sexual relationships have been emotionally unfulfilling and do not allow him to be vulnerable because that informs our understanding of Ed later (for example, that can be a fun wrinkle into how Ed brings up the satisfying, intimate sex he had with Stede during his panic in s2e7).

Another function Jack serves is he pushes the atmosphere on the Revenge closer to what it would be on a typical pirate ship. He's constantly making cracks at the crew failing to act like "real pirates," making Stede feel left out for not enjoying such rowdy, dangerous games. This is very useful because it cultivates an atmosphere designed to drive a wedge between Ed and Stede. For Ed, these games are nostalgic. When Jack makes him uncomfortable, it's quickly followed by Jack suggesting another game. When Ed tries to apologize for one of their activities hurting Stede's feelings, or when he tries to encourage Stede to join in, Jack is there to distract Ed and make him feel, in turn, that Stede isn't just rejecting the games, he's rejecting Ed.

It highlights one thing we know about Ed: he's very, very good at conforming to what's expected of him in any given situation. He can be a people pleaser, and he very obviously just wants Stede and Jack to get along and feels stuck in the middle. I'm not saying he doesn't hurt Stede in this episode, but I am saying that when Jack is creating an atmosphere that feels like a more "typical" pirate ship, and Ed leans into the behavior that he feels is expected of him, it leaves him easily confused and upset when Stede obviously isn't enjoying it. We see unusual lack of regard for others from Ed in this episode (like him shouting "that's what you fuckin' get!" at the Swede after the Swede gets hurt), and it stands out because it's not how Ed normally acts, only adding to the guilt Ed's going to feel that makes him leave with Jack.

Neither Ed nor Stede are trying to hurt each other in this episode. Ed is falling back on old behaviors, and when Stede says he doesn't like it, the fact that he still sees Jack as being so similar to him makes him take it as a personal rejection. I don't think Ed's intentionally trying to make Stede feel singled out or bullied, and it's not Stede's fault he's not enjoying what's going on, but Jack is a very, VERY good manipulator and he's set up the perfect situation to make both of them feel wrongfooted with each other. He's not just manipulating the two of them, he's orchestrating the entire vibe of the ship to make Stede feel left out and make Ed blame himself when things go too far.

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

"Two, stop pretending sexuality is an identity. It's not. It's just who you're attracted to. No different than someone who likes blondes or big tits.

Three, drop the hypersexuality and promiscuity. The gay community treats itself like a sex club and it's honestly gross. Have some respect for yourselves. Get in real relationships. Be normal."

On the latter, I wonder if that's because when it was frowned upon, it led to many of them rubbing elbows with other people who were more out there and they just never dropped that even when they became accepted.

And to both, I think it's because they don't want to embrace irrelevancy or worse...becoming boring. They spent a long time thinking themselves as bold revolutionaries fighting for their beliefs, it was the common interest that they bonded over. But now that's over. They have no reason to keep together. They wanted it to be normal, now it is, and that means they're no longer special. I don't think they ever considered winning meant becoming boring.

If you look back at the most effective gay acceptance activism from decades past, the stuff that really got people to stop hating us was showing that gay people were just normal people who happened to be attracted to their own gender. Sure, a lot of gays affected certain behaviors that were seen as unique to gays, "flaming" and the like, but it was never presented as a sex club that was actively recruiting. In fact, a main pro-gay talking point was that you can't recruit people because being gay is something a person either is or isn't. And while there was activism in the community, the community itself wasn't a activist community and there wasn't really a political "gay identity" like you see today.

Modern left wing oppressor vs oppressed ideologies were brought in by kids who never had to face actual oppression for being gay. They look back at the time when gay people were being chemically castrated and locked up in mental institutions and all they see are solidarity marches they wish they were a part of and "_____ threw the first brick at Stonewall" memes. They're nostalgic for an era that was horrible to live through because it lets them live out their fantasy of fighting back against capitalism/The Man/the right/society/their parents/etc in a way that there's just no need to do anymore. And to feed that fantasy they have to keep pushing the envelope with things like kink at pride and adopting radical gender ideology as the "gay identity" so when there's inevitably pushback they can go "Look! See! I'm just as oppressed as people were 60 years ago! They're trying to erase my identity!" And on top of the young kids, you have the old activists who dedicated their lives to a cause that they've won, but now they don't know how to do anything but be activists. So they also need to keep inventing new things to be mad about.

Meanwhile the normal gays sit back and let these people be the public face of what it means to be "queer".

[agirlwithglam]

hey

I just found out that I'm going to be moving countries and school during my final year of highschool. i really don't know what to do, how to think or feel about this whole situation.

could you please give me some reassurance that everything will be okay and also give me some advice for entering into that new chapter of my life in terms of the actual academics and also making friends and adapting to everything. I would really appreciate it

love,

-a girl who is stressing rn <3

hiiiii!! of course i'd be more than happy to help you out. moving to a new school can be really scary & tricky, esp if you had some old friends. but don't worry because remember things happen FOR you and not TO you. you never know, maybe by moving to this new country you may get wonderful opportunities, meet amazing people, and discover a life you didn't know even existed!

i totally understand if you're stressing right now and you definitely shouldn't try to suppress or scold yourself for feeling that way. instead learn to comfort yourself, learn to be there for yourself. remember that no matter what life throws your way, you will be able handle it. you've literally handled so many things so well in the past, this is no different.

instead of asking life "why me?" ask "try me". lol i read this a while ago and i'm just gonna leave this here instead it helps.

🎀💌 moving to a new school:

❥ making friends

remember that no matter what, no matter how the dynamics are in the new school, never lose yourself trying to "fit in" or be accepted.

join clubs, after school activities, societies, sports, etc. (it can do wonders with making friends + you've already got something in common with them!)

be the person you wanna be friends with. kind, waits for others, makes them laughs, listens to them, shares, respectful, etc. but never NEVER hurt yourself/ make yourself disrespected while doing that.

also if there are any other new kids as well, try to make friends with them! bc i know it can be hard joining friendship groups so finding another newbie to bond with may be easier as they are also new to this!

how to magnetic & alluring

how to be a good conversationalist

don't be desperate. just a reminder that you should be perfectly fine being on your own so that you're not doing things you'll regret just to be accepted with low quality people.

lend & share pencils, pens, gum, etc.

looking (somewhat) fabulous + being confident. fortunately, the first things people see about you is your looks, but with that also your body language & confidence (fortunately cus ur so pretty). you could accessories with jewellery if you're allowed, have neatly done nails. but also just basics like taking care of your hair, ironed clothes, looking polished & not too sleepy. however, in the end, as long as you stand up straight, take up space, comfortable and confident in yourself, ur physical appearance is x 100!!! (i am NOT tryna make you feel better, it is a fact that i have actually seen.) -> more info how to look pretty without makeup

❥ academics

time management strategies

how to be the it girl in school

how to be a whole new student this school year

get ready to get back to school

it girl's guide to academic

channel your inner rory gilmore lol. this may literally get you through the whole year, esp if you're struggling to make friends + act like her when you're in class & studying!

in the end honey, just remember everything will be okay. everything will be okay. everything will work out. why? because you're god's fav <3. also, one day you'll be an oldie grandma feeling nostalgic about these younger days, cherish them because you have no idea how much you'll miss them when you're older!!

always lots of love, xx Vanilla

BMAC - if you'd like to support me!

[cafeeeeeeeeee3]

Time to ramble about Dream (again)

Firstly.

I hate that skimpy onesie this mfer wears

It probably has utility, but those skimpy clothes are usually about stealth or something, which, let me tell you, unless this man takes off his cape, his 11 blue belts, his boots, his gloves, his circlet and the tunic, he's not achieving. I'm convinced the wind makes noise when he moves.

The worst part is that,,, the first art actually had him wear something much more acceptable? It looks much more presentable to going around in, it is a fun little nod to Sans' design and even his own OG design.

Maybe what got it taken out was how fluffy it looked?? I dunno, maybe it's really valid, but I'll never not have a negative response to that skimpy shit. This man's legs are likely eroded at the middle from the friction. He steps a little bit too wide and they're gone.

But now, though, I like that shit a lot despite that inconvenience.

First and foremost, put it into perspective with his old design — I'm fairly sure there is a post about how his new design is not an override, like Ink's, but something that actively marks his acceptance of his brother's death. Maturity, like women cutting their hair short in anime!!!!

I am a sucker for this design. I LOVE the bee pattern, because, y'know, yellow is REAAALY dope as a colour.

This is the colour you'll see in nurseries and in the warning you'll see just before you die. It's the colour of your best friend's favourite shirt and the sclera of the dragon that will eat them alive.

Yellow is an amazing colour, and it is perfect for somebody like Dream, who has to fight at an active disadvantage and cannot afford to simply rely of defending forever, who can only afford a less worse ending through his efforts. Who has to bring something down at the same time he has to lift people up.

Blue, the colour of his old design, is the colour of inactivity. Of calmness and melancholy. He cannot afford to mourn, because every moment is one he's lost in double, he cannot afford to be calm, because to be trying to solve this problem in anything but 2x speed is dangerous.

Sooo, uhhh, yellow is a really amazing colour for Dream. I think his favourite colour would be blue, though, because it is a somewhat nostalgic colour, y'know? I always interpreted the belts he has as somewhat of chains, almost a reminder that he, too, pays for their sin (at least in the way he sees it).

Btw I think is, more than nostalgic, just something he kinda,,, yearns for. He wants peace. Calm.

Anyways, dumb fucking brainrot Ig.

[applestorms]

books i wanna read in 2025 ^w^

lolol ty @dancing-lex for the @ this was v. fun to make. more yapping about choices below the cut. also uhh mutuals feel free to do this if you wanna but i'll also @shydroid3000 + @partingwayssoon + @kiyomitakada if you guys would like to and/or haven't yet!! ^w^

literally all of these books i have started/read part of in some capacity but i desperately need/want to finish All of them lol so. motivation. we got this 🎉🎉there's also a billion others i probably could've put on this but lets just stick with the 6 for now yeah =3="

anyways: top three are fiction, bottom three are nonfiction. are my tastes overwhelmingly obvious from this list? i feel like they are lmfao, but ig let's go thru it regardless.

the kurosagi corpse delivery service is the only manga i put on here since it's the only series i've been actively working through as of late (no, DN doesn't count lol). also considered putting junji ito on here since i have a long-running personal project to try and collect as many of his english-translated works as i can. both scratch a similar itch, and while i think ito's art is ultimately more impressive (hard to beat him when it comes to body horror tbh) i really really really like how this series treats death in terms of story-- it's very humanizing, less focused on the Fear of the Unknown or the Monster or whatever, and more on the realities of loss that come with it. good shit 👍

petals on the wind + ada fill a similar niche to each other, that being weird brother/sister incest books. shrug. petals is actually a sequel to another book i've already finished, flowers in the attic, which absolutely Captured my brain when i read it last year. i quite like the voice of the narrator, cathy, and both of these andrews novels really give me that deliciously nostalgic Vibe of something you might read on a whim one summer break which then fucks you up for the rest of the vacation LOL. ada i've been reading through verrrrry slowly for like, a year at this point, though i'm almost at the halfway point and i enjoy it Greatly every time i pick it back up. nabokov is a truly fantastic writer, and ada is hilarious in a way that i genuinely did not expect. also working on lolita + pale fire a little bit, though i'm trying to keep ada the priority since i'm the furthest along in it.

for the nonfiction, all of these books relate to different areas of philosophy i've recently been especially interested in. black rights/white wrongs is the sole book on this list that i'm basically Guaranteed to finish since i'm currently in the middle of reading it for a class. i'm actually very glad my prof assigned it as his points about epistemologies of ignorance, specifically related to race, is directly related to ideas i've been contemplating as potential areas of study for grad school. similarly, i had a chapter of wretched of the earth as assigned reading for one of my previous classes and Really enjoyed it, fanon has just this incredible perspective in talking about colonialism and the process of rebuilding after such traumas. (reminds me, i should ask my old prof about beauvoir's critique of him + i think sartre, since i believe he mentioned something about that?? i also need to read more of those two, actually. sighs.) also i found the entirety of wretched on audiobook so i really have no excuse to not listen to it all the way thru lmfao.

and then finally for the last one... i have an interest in nishida (and eastern philosophy) more generally, but i picked that one out since it's the book i have currently sitting on my desk. my dad actually gave me that one since i was asking him more about mu w/ regards to DN stuff, w/ a couple others too (the karma of words by lafleur as well). again, my current big interest in philosophy rn is on epistemology-- not just in terms of what knowledge we do have, but what we don't have, or the things that we know but are unwilling or otherwise unable to engage with directly (e.g. social taboos, the ways in which history might be written over/overly focused on a White Male POV, etc.). both my interests in fiction + nonfiction relate to this i think, for my reading and my writing, and there's a lot of interesting routes it can lead ya down, whether it be more social justice/political philosophy oriented "erasure of our histories" type stuff or like. incest. and necrophilia. but my god, mostly just a lot of fucking incest.

[cyb3rtarot]

Quick November 23 PAP

Disclaimer: readings are based on current collective energy, take what resonates!

pile 1╰┈➤pile 2

pile 3╰┈➤pile 4

Pile 1:

Message: hi pile 1! I see that you guys had to leave something significant behind coming into this month. For a lot of you this is the end of a relationship, or you’re currently interested in new people while having conflicting feelings. You’re trying to survive and balance your responsibilities while processing October. Having to approach life in a new way and not really knowing what’s going on is a source of physical stress (such as feeling more exhausted this month). You could be drawn to things that used to give you comfort, like childhood friends or activities. Not only are you encouraged to return to these, but you should also rest more as needed. In attending to your physical and mental health, you will find the willpower to succeed in this new phase. Old energy has to be transmuted to make way for what’s coming.

Extra details: breakups, looking for new love or rebounds, feeling rundown or depressed, doing well materially despite one's mental state, focusing on the past, old loves, coming to terms, hurting oneself for others, ghosting, cover of hey lover by Wabie, masochism by Ky Voss

~~~

Pile 2:

Message: hi pile 2!! I see you left or are leaving a commitment, similar to pile 1 but with an uplifted vibe. Now that this energy drain is no longer in your life, there are many possibilities open for you and it’s disorienting! I see most of you being very at peace with whatever you left. This new emotional stability will feel strange but nice. You’re encouraged to continue reassessing what you envision for yourself so you can dive headfirst into this new chapter without holding yourself back. If this ending was very hard for you, I do see you recovering fairly quickly and making yourself your number one priority. Congratulations!

If you were drawn to pile 4, I encourage you to check it out!

Extra details: 144, 155, the year not turning out like you expected, 2021 as a significant year, take on me by A-ha, purging a negative person out of your life, breaking up because of red flags, karma catching up to those who wronged you

~~~

Pile 3:

Message: hi pile 3! You could be feeling romantic and very nostalgic this November. Between October and this month your spirit and body is focused on healing itself. In the beginning of the month you’re sitting in the same place you’ve been for a while and wanting to move forward, but you are still working through things to bring you to a healthy state of being. You may feel like you can’t catch a break. This is naturally changing as you process more of your emotions. By the end of the month, there’s an overabundance of energy or resources you’d like to share with others. I also see whatever you’re working on (including your emotional state) is going to cause new developments during November and December, but not what you were expecting. You could feel very persuasive this month.

Extra details: libraries and overdue books, trying a relationship again, daydreaming about past relationships (including toxic ones), one more time by daft punk, childhood crushes, Kids by MGMT, being alone/feeling lonely, moving or living by yourself, getting ready for something new, trees, strained/no relationships with family

~~~

Pile 4:

Message: hi pile 4! If you resonated with pile 1 or 2 I encourage you to check it out as you got similar cards! I see you also ended something in October, though your current transformations feel much more internal than the other piles. Perhaps what you ended is a mindset; I see you now experiencing new optimism. You’re interested in learning more about yourself and more in general. You could be feeling romantic like pile 3, though most of you are not looking for a relationship right now. This month is all about you and dancing through the uncertainties of life with grace. There’s a lighthearted and dreamy energy. You’re not interested in the facades others put up, you just want to be yourself to the fullest extent. And you should be! As long as you’re on your own side, you can keep moving forward even if only one step at a time. Eventually you'll achieve stability!

Many of you are also feeling the effects of getting older; you could notice your body and mind has changed a lot without you realizing.

Extra details: playfulness or feeling silly, head in the clouds, dancing, feeling like a kid again, professional attire, not hearing back on applications or ideas, wanting to leave your job, feeling joyful or excited, back or joint pain

[megamagimugi]

now here’s where we ✨uno reverse✨and you get a question and some praise.

What got you into the Mario fandom? And also!! Your bio says your a fan of TMNT, but which version do you like the most? The 2003 and 2012 version are pretty nostalgic to me, but I loved the 2012 one the most, their designs are personally my most favorite! ROTTMNT I know is a really good one; I started binging it last summer but never got around to finishing it :(

Now praise! I know I’ve said this in your ask for me, but I just REALLY love your art. Your redraws are on another level, you effortlessly nail the M&L style— seriously, why is it so hard for me?? I’m too perfectionist when it comes to them. 😂 I knew once I saw your drawings of Zahra’s amazing Anything for Him story that I’d be hooked. And your attention to detail is just 🤌🏾🤌🏾🤌🏾 like that water from your beach redraw I’m still not over.

And you’re always so supportive of my art, and it means more than words 🥹 especially with the anticipation of my upcoming animation, my motivation fluctuates. I want to pick up my Apple Pencil and just do it, but it’s like something holds me back. Honestly just talking about my art with people is a good source of drive for me, and you’re definitely one of the best sources of motivation ♥️ thank you for being so kind, and thank you for being you! You’re so loved 🫂

Okay, storytime it is! (This is most definitely going to be my longest answer to date; hope you don't mind).

Let me give you some background first. Unlike most people I didn't get into gaming as a little kid. My household was basically video game-free - my father wasn't into gaming, neither was my older sister and my mother was even somewhat against video games. Under these circumstances the first video game I ever played was the Sims, as my sister had a short-lived phase when she liked it. I found it incredibly boring. Sometimes I'd watch my cousins or friends play other games when I visited, but they'd never let me play xD Still, that made me realize that I enjoyed (=wanted to try) racing and action/adventure games.

At one point, when I was a little older, my still humble gaming experience led me to finally playing my first Mario game: Mario Kart. I look back at that experience fondly as I also won against my friend at the time on my first try. He wasn't particularly great at gaming either but hey, a win is a win.

Anyway, I got curious about these characters and started searching for more info, and for more games to try out. I finally got to the Super Mario Bros. series, discovering my love of 2D platformers along the way. There's a retro gaming museum in my area where you can play on old computers and systems so you bet I spent some time there playing the oldest of Mario games, which was a big step in me getting into this genre as a whole and this series in particular.

I also tend to gravitate towards brothers in media and well, Mario and Luigi are obviously brothers so I guess I got curious about their relationship and how it plays into the lore of the games. Which brought me to the Mario & Luigi RPGs, which I loved. I guess you could say I got Hooked On The Brothers™ But honestly, the carefree and fun atmosphere as well as the sort of wacky fairy tale setting were very appealing to me too.

I started slowly but surely collecting whatever Nintendo game consoles and games I could find and afford, and watching playthroughs of those I couldn't. I even played a couple fan games, such as (Mario) The Music Box - despite it being so very different from the source material LOL

And of course, the 2023 movie got me to appreciate the franchise even more and be more active in the fandom, reading more fanfics etc. Which eventually brought me here. I started reading Luigi's Escape Plan by jelly-fish-wishes and some other comics on Tumblr and the site tried to force me to register so often that I eventually gave in, annoyed. I definitely don't regret that decision though!

And look at me now, creating my own content - well, only fanart really - for this lovely fandom. And interacting more and more with other fans.

Now for the Turtles. I've been a fan since I was like 11 and first started watching the 2003 series (only the first 3 seasons were available in my country at the time, but a few years later I found the rest on YouTube). I've watched all versions other than the 1987 series and Michael Bay movies, and read some of the comics (I really love the original Mirage comics!), yet that first series still remains my favorite. My favorite animated show of all time even. You could chalk it up to nostalgia, but it's definitely more than that as nostalgia is rarely a big factor for me when it comes to genuinely enjoying things. I just really like this version of all of the major characters the most, as well as the humor, the dialogue and the action scenes (those fight choreographies were amazing tbh), and the plot overall. As well as the art style in the first 5 seasons. Sure, the show wasn't perfect due to the frequent animation mistakes and the painfully bad Japanese (the fake kanji were bad enough but the horrible pronunciation, man... the pronunciation...), but everything else more than makes up for it.

In case you're curious, overall I did enjoy the 2012 series too. Really, I enjoyed most of the Turtle media. Tbh I have a bit of a weird love-hate relationship with RotTMNT though.

And last but not least, thank you so much for your kind words! It's so interesting that some people here praise my style while it was something my old professor criticized as too generic in my digital art and animation when I was applying to college. And people like you saying I pay a lot of attention to detail when my art teachers and professors criticized me for going too abstract in my paintings and not precise enough in my drawings. It's been healing some of these old art related insecurities stashed away somewhere in my brain, ngl.

I totally get your struggle with perfectionism. It's my old frenemy that to this day rears its ugly head more often than I care to admit, especially when it comes to art. It's important to relax and do your thing anyway. I'm sure you'll make some sick animations and I'll be here cheering you on along the way. You got this, girl!

And I appreciate what you said about me at the end. If there's anyone in this world who makes me feel loved and like I'm actually worth something, it's you and other amazing people in this community. Thank you so much :))

[baroqueattentionseeker]

I just feel a bit nostalgic for the "old" times. Sounds ridiculous when i'm a 19-year-old saying this, but it describes how i feel perfectly. It used to be so much more simple. I miss it. The weigh-ins, the community i had on here. The fun stuff. Sure, it was progressively more horrible as i dived deeper, but i can't help but reminisce about the better bits. You know, the fun we used to have on here, the memes and stories we shared, the support we offered eachother.

I don't know if i'm going to relapse yet. I've got a life now after all, things to do, work to attend, friends and a loving partner to talk to and share the little things with. And to be perfectly honest, I love food. I always have. I love cooking for and with my loved ones, i love talking about cooking and recipes, i love enjoying a sweet treat after a long day. Hell, i'm sipping coconut-pineapple flavoured milk as i write this. I haven't actively counted calories of anything i eat in what feels like an incredibly long time, probably over a year and half. If anything, i even tend to feel insecure because of my body being too thin without me trying. I don't understand. I know that i will probably feel worse about myself if i lose weight. I'm not doing this because i want to look "more attractive" again or whatever. The reason is looks, but in a different way. I want to look sick and fragile, so that people care for me. They already do, fuck, i've got some amazing people in my life now, but still these thoughts won't go away.

I'll see where this leads me. Maybe i will throw this account away in a few days, just like the one before. Maybe i'll dive deep again and not stop so easily this time, because that little voice inside my head just wants to feel seen and cared for. Whatever happens though, i'm still just grateful to have a place like this where i can share my thoughts without having to fear judgement. Thank you all for being here, though i probably don't know many of you anymore. It's been a long time.

[fortemelody]

i’m a console/handheld collector, and i’m all the sudden started to get SO hooked on the ps3 🙏

i got it last christmas and my mom accidentally bought the version that can’t play ps2 games as well (but i probably would’ve made the same mistake as her becus i couldn’t tell at first either so no hate) so originally i was a little bummed out. but dude, honestly i don’t even need that now. the digital library on the psn store alone is so extensive that it amazes me, carrying tons of old sega, ps1, and third party games for me to discover. of course these do cost money and some people would definitely tell me to just mod them myself. i see their point in saving money, however it’s all about the experience for me (plus i don’t think i have a proper computer for that anyway). i also know most of the sega ones are going away (a real shame) so that’s why i’m trying to purchase as many as i can currently.

and the menus??!?! gorgeous. the purchasable themes and just the standard one too. the themes are so thought out and intricate. only have a couple so far (and they’re mostly sonic related) but i can just tell how creative each and every one is from the consistency. my only complaint is that there’s no ambient music like the ps4.

i also just saw a prototype of the ps3 when i was scrolling on here and that design looks badass too. it’s like chrome goddamn 😭 prob not as practical or iconic as the one we got but still also incredible in its own way.

i never owned any playstations growing up, i was strictly nintendo for awhile but man. is it possible to be nostalgic for something that you’ve never had previously lol cus that’s what i’m feelin.

i also have a ps4 that i got a couple months before my ps3, and i’m lowkey embarrassed to admit that i don’t use it nearly as much as my ps3. idk my brain just loves how much personality this thing oozes. my wifi also isn’t great and like never works with my ps4 so i can’t really use it for those purposes anyway. i still do wanna get a ps2 tho eventually tho. i have a psp and a ps1 (kinda..not technically mine but i can use it) as well. psp is up there for me, but out of all that i own so far ps3 definitely still manages to be my fav.

…is this just a long winded way of saying i have too much of a skill issue (and also depression linked motivational issues) to actually play the many unfinished games scattered across my living room and i would rather gush at the aesthetics of something for hours on end? maybe… 😋

to end this: if anyone out there is an active ps3 user and wants to be my friend my username is foremelodyz 👉👈