#I was going to add more but idk this is everything for now
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what do u think is dealer matt and doll reader doing rn?
22.22 || dealer!matt x doll!reader
sturniolo masterlist add yourself to the taglist
at 22:22, the living room feels cozy, bathed in soft glow of the la lights filtering through the room windows. matt was sat on the couch, his gaze lazily fixed on the view outside, earbuds in, music just loud enough to keep the world out. he feels her familiar weight settle beside him, her head gently resting on his shoulder and out of habit, he slips one earbud out so he can hear her tiny breaths and the rustle of her dress.
she twirls the ribbon in her hair between her fingers, lost in thought, before her fingers drift over to trace the ink on his arm. it’s a quiet habit she has, one he never minds, even if he pretends otherwise. she looks up at him, her cheeks flushed, a small smile forming as she catches him watching her out of the corner of his eye.
“did you make a wish?” she whispers, her voice soft as she presses a hand to his chest, feeling the slow steady beat beneath.
matt scoffs lightly, as if the idea of making a wish is so childish. "what’s the point? got everything i need right here," he mumbles, letting his arm slip around her waist, pulling her more closer. his words are gruff, but there’s warmth in his gaze, and she knows he means it.
she bites her lip, trying to hide the smile that threatens to spread. instead, she nestles closer snuggling into the familiar scent of him—a mix of leather, cinnamon, musk and the faintest hint of smoke. "you’re so grumpy," she teases, voice muffled as she buries her face into his shoulder. "but you’re my grump."
he lets out a low chuckle, a rare sound that only she has the privilege to hear and she swears that makes her heart skip. "only for you, doll," he mutters, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. his hand trails up to hold her face gently, thumb tracing her cheek and for a moment his usual hard expression softens as he gazes down at her.
she beams up at him, eyes wide and sparkling, like he is the world’s sweetest secret. "'m glad you’re here, matt," she whispers, so low that it's barely audible. he doesn’t say anything back, but his grip tightens, a silent promise that he’s not going anywhere.
as the clock ticks past 22:22, she closes her eyes, feeling safe and warm in his arms. matt holds her close, and for a moment, he lets himself forget everything else. it's just the two of them, when he realizes he wouldn’t want it any other way.
an; it was 22.22 while i wrote this hehe doll reader and dealer matt are my babies i love them!!! idk but im feeling that i have stopped writing for others now😭😭 arda work soon?
tagged; @mattsdolll @izzylovesmatt
#cherrynflowergarden🦢🌹🍒#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo smut#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo fluff#matt stuniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo x yn#chris sturniolo fluff#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo x reader#nick sturniolo x you#nick sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo au#dealer!matt#doll!reader
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Badly made comic of And So The Moon Wept bc it just finished and I’m devastated
‼️CHAPTER 15 SPOILERS‼️
I wanted to make one more page between the second and third bc pacing, but I didn’t wanna rethink all three of those pages’ compositions. It’s pretty ass bc it’s all sketches, but the last ones came out pretty decent I think👍
(Don’t look at the house too closely, I really didn’t wanna look at a reference so I just freestyled it)
Scrapped versions bc idk
Now that that’s out the way, I’ll start with the ranting, you can leave now this is for me
THE ENDING⁉️ DAMN⁉️⁉️⁉️
I would start rereading immediately to see all the details and analyze the psychology of the ‘tsukuyomi world’ characters BUT I unfortunately have my global exams next week 🥲
Warning for -1000 media literacy‼️ while writing all this I remembered that my memory is bad an my analytical skills are even worse! So be warned :p
BUT ANYWAY!! This was a top tear fanfic, seriously at no point did I consider the infinite tsukuyomi as a possibility. And I think this has to do with the fact that the psychology and individual lives of the characters in this dream were so well developed. There’s so many POVs! And they’re so complex and detailed!! Really makes you wonder if this was really the tsukuyomi or if Kakashi’s consciousness was sent to a different world all together. Which is what makes it so terribly tragic. Kakashi lived so many years in this perfect world just to regain all his memories and find out that it really was all fake, a world made up entirely of his own fantasies.
Oh and what a fantasy it was, getting hit by that boulder and fucking dying! The only reason he got to live was bc of ‘Hound’ (which could be interpreted as his consciousness telling him to wake tf up). Everything felt so wrong to Kakashi not because he noticed this things weren’t right, but bc he was never meant to live in this world. This was the prefect reality for everyone around him, his dream, a world without him (FUCK BRO💔💔💔💔). Which is the reason why I think the characters are so three dimensional in this dream, maybe, idk bro I just made this up.
But even then, things don’t exactly add up (if you think about it they do BUT SHHHHHH LET ME DREAM). Why did some characters suffer so much if this was meant to be a better world for everyone else? Why did Rin’s parent’s die? Why did Sakumo try suicide so many times?
We know Rin’s and Obito’s relationship started declining when Rin didn’t believe Obito when he swore up and down that Kakashi was somehow alive (which IS Hound’s fault in a way, he saved Kakashi and that’s why Obito saw Kakashi sinking into the ground, making him believe that Kakashi didn’t die), but it goes farther than that. Rin’s real problem with Obito was that he was so stuck on his dead teammate that he neglected the rest of his living team, Kakashi was literally everything he thought about to the point it started negatively affecting others (which, yeah him being obsessed is pretty normal considering that Kakashi was part of the reason he activated his sharingan and THE reason he activated the Mangekyo). So what did he do? Go hang out with the one other person who would ALSO only think of Kakashi all day, Sakumo. Obito eventually accepted that Kakashi was dead, but he and Rin never reconnected.
Was this really the perfect ending for them? Come on tsukuyomi, you’re more creative than that.
For some reason I think that the tsukuyomi was freestyling all this. Bc (by my interpretation) the point of Kakashi’s dream was that he died at Kannabi Bridge instead of Obito, period. The rest is extra stuff bc their lives have to go on ig? Or maybe the infinite tsukuyomi is really big brained and depicted a realistic depiction of 🖐️🖐️🖐️HOLD THE FUCK UP I’M DUMB I JUST FIGURED SMTH OUT
Bro this is why I need to reread this instead of talking to myself when I don’t remember half the details in the fic.
OK SO HOUND DID FUCK SHIT UP🔥🔥🔥
I was trying to think why Sakumo would be alive (if my shit theory above was true, which it isn’t but I’m not deleting all that) AND IT WAS BC SAKUMO NOT KILLING HIMSELF IS HIS PERFECT WORLD 😭😭😭😭. The one thing I’m not so sure ab is Kannabi (I bet if I keep writing this I’ll find the answer) bc Obito WAS gonna get hit by that rock, but hey, he entered the dream after the Obito reveal so maybe his consciousness already knew he would survive, so maybe he’d just appear later in the dream idk. BUT BRO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 WAS HE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO COME BACK HOME TO HIS DAD??? AND THEN HIS CONSCIOUSNESS KICKED IN AND HE SAVED OBITO INSTEAD??!!,.. oh I’m sick, this is so evil
That would literally make everything make sense. He derailed the dream so bad that it fucked everything up, making it no longer a perfect world but more similar to reality. If he really was supposed to die, then why did his death have such negative repercussions on everyone he loves? It that was his dream, wouldn’t it be a better world with everybody happy? He wasn’t supposed to die at Kannabi but Hound appeared and saved Obito from a rock, causing a massive butterfly effect.
Pretty romantic if you asked me, “I would leave behind my perfect world just to save you form getting hurt” like damn, it’s not like he remembered that Obito survived at this point in time, but still STOPP I’M DOING IT AGAIN I’M FOCUSING ON THE DETAILS AND NOT THE BIGGER PICTURE AAAA
El cazador de elefantes by Def Con Dos is a pretty good song, hm
Where was I going with this? Don’t remember tbh
This is kinda long, I’m stopping here. Bye internet void ✌️
#and so the moon wept#astmw#kakashi hatake#obkk#kakaobi#kkob#obikaka#obito uchiha#fic rec#bro imagine this wasn’t tsukuyomi but Kakashi’s consciousness really was sent to another reality#obito salty bc it’s midnight and they have a mission tomorrow: wtf do you mean what colour is the moon#kakashi stressed bc he just regained all his memories and all these years might’ve not been real: just respond bro#obito being sarcastic: well obviously it’s red! 😒🙄#and then kakashi fucking dies#it would be so funny actually#oh YOUR kakashi’s dead#ours is just fine over there#points at the most depressed man alive#the reading comprehension devil got me bro#dw I just need a few days to think all the story over#i’m just too excited now that it’s over and am focusing too much on details#and many of the details I don’t remember yet bc my memory is ass
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Picture this, Eddie wears those wrist sweat bands and everyone thinks it’s an aesthetic/metal thing so nobody really questions it.
Except they are actually those ant-sickness wristbands and he wears them because he gets car sick as soon as he gets in a car, even when he’s driving the car himself.
He never corrects anyone and for his Christmas Steve buys him new wrist bands that aren’t anti-sickness but Eddie has to wear them because otherwise he’d have to face a sad Steve. Every time eddie comes home wayne watches him stumble in the door and immediately hands him a sick bowl without even looking up from the game he’s watching on the tv.
‘Take it you’ve not told him yet?’
‘No’
‘You gonna?’
‘…no’
#I was going to add more but idk this is everything for now#is this silly? yes. do I care? also yes.#I’ll have a serious thought one day I swear!!!#stranger things#eddie munson#steddie#steve harrington
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Her whole body was on fire.
Not the pleasant, tingling sort of fire that had been consuming her as she kissed Sebastian just moments before.
These were terrible, burning flames that made her nerves scream in agony as her body tried to purge itself of the curse. Once her coughing stopped she tried her hardest to straighten her spine and pretend that it wasn't what they both knew it was. But everything hurt so badly, and she knew she wasn't fooling Sebastian.
Eloise was terrified. She had seen how Anne's body had wasted away due to the curse, and Eloise wasn't hopeful she would survive. Even if Sebastian hadn't given up hope when his sister was cursed, he had already been researching relentlessly for a cure for over a year without any breakthroughs - and his research was in addition to Nurse Blainey and St. Mungo's fruitless attempts to heal her.
But...she could take a small measure of comfort from the fact that she had managed to save Anne.
Even if it was at the expense of her own well-being.
"What did you do?" Sebastian whispered, voice raspy, eyes wide and horrified as he looked at her.
Her eyes darted away from his accusing glare, down to the white sleeve that was now peppered with tiny spots of the blood she had just coughed up. They were slowly growing, the tiny spatters expanding and mingling with each other. "I..."
Throat constricting, tears welling up in her eyes, a sob that she was trying to swallow back down.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
Eloise shook her head helplessly. "I have no idea."
She wasn't lying. When she had run to help Anne in Feldcroft all those weeks ago, she had been acting on pure instinct. Just as she had when Leander had hit Sebastian with diffindo. It was the most natural thing in the world to dip into whatever ancient magic reserves she was privy to and just use them. Even if she didn't fully understand these instincts.
"What did you do?" Sebastian repeated, voice rising with every word. He started pacing in front of the fireplace, running an agitated hand through hair that Eloise had already messed up. "I...oh, god. This can't be happening again."
"I would do it again. I saved Anne." Eloise's voice sounded very small to her ears and she shrunk away at the expression on his face when he turned to look at her. It was incredulous and devastated and furious and she couldn't look at him any more. She turned her head to watch the flames. Out of the corner of her eye she could see his agitated, jerky movements.
"At the expense of your own health! Merlin, this is all my fault. I -"
Eloise couldn't hear whatever Sebastian was about to say as his words were lost to another fit of coughing. His anger slipped away and was immediately replaced with concern as he moved to stand in front of her, gently reaching out a hand to her shoulder.
She was lost to the pain and flames screaming - was she screaming? - their way up her throat, the hacking coughs so gratingly painful that it was all she could focus on.
"Fuck," she heard Sebastian say. "Wait..."
He put an arm around her waist and helped her move the short distance to the bed. As soon as he let go of his hold on her, she fell to her side. Her arms were useless at the moment, and the side of her face met the mattress as she fell without being able to catch herself. Tears were streaming down her face as she coughed and coughed and coughed and -
"Here. Please..." A reassuringly solid presence at her side, leaning her body against his chest, her head lying limply across his shoulder. A gentle hand grabbed her jaw and then forced a potion down her throat.
Eloise immediately started gagging and tried to wrest herself from his grasp. The potion was thick and viscous and tasted like mud, slowly sliding its way down her throat. If the curse had manifested itself in all-encompassing flames, this potion was its antidote in the form of shards of ice that burned in an entirely different way. Her ears were ringing and her head swam in pain as she whimpered.
But...
The coughing had stopped.
Her eyes slowly opened.
Sebastian's face swam in and out of her vision as she blinked away the tears. There was a sharp stab of pain through her head when she tried to focus her vision, so she just closed her eyes again and moved her face into the crook of his neck.
Her breath came out in ragged gasps, but at least she wasn't coughing anymore.
She felt his arms tighten around her, one of his hands starting to massage the base of her neck as he cradled her body to his. Sebastian was warm, reassuring, solid. That, she could focus on. Eloise breathed in deeply, and the faint smell of cinnamon mixed with what she was now recognizing as Sebastian filled her senses. She tried to move an arm so she could caress him the way he was, but her arms were numb and tingling and she was just so tired.
She felt herself drifting off to sleep in his arms, the overwhelming feeling of safety and comfort being her last fleeting thoughts before sleep overcame her.
the scene after their first kiss, that I drew a while ago😇😇😇
#I really love this little sketch…my poor sweet angel…#so…um…I may or may not have rewritten this scene#after two weeks of nonstop coughing up my lungs😍😍😍#I know I always ask but do you like my writing going with these sketches??? or just post the art…#idk since I don’t draw much expression and I like drawing the bodies more#I think it’s nice to add the writing to actually see what’s going on😆#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts legacy mc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian sallow fanart#hogwarts legacy fanfic#btw this is the beginning of chapter 20 of my fic#wait should I add a spoiler alert ???????? 😳 I think this is kind of a spoiler (duh)#but at the same time with everything else going on in my story and what I’m adding now#this is like the least spoilery spoiler to ever spoiling spoil
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i have a headache
#i've been stuck scrolling instagram for the past few days#i don't even like being on there#modern ig is so overstimulating everything is either a reel or a reel in disguise or an image post that inexplicably has audio#i kept making myself go on there because i wanted to find a way to make art friends or a community or w/e#and i thought if i had more of a presence and interacted more i'd eventually get people to like. talk to me and comment stuff ig. idk#but ughhhh#i don't think insta is a good platform for that cause it's either pictures with a short caption or the worst media format known to man#like. idk i wanted to find and follow and be friends with and be Cool Artists (don't ask me to define that)#but no artist on instagram is a Cool Artist because there's no goddamn text on there#like if it makes sense i wanna find people who talk About art as well#but not in an art Discourse way#which is another thing. even if instagram had more Talking it would still be shit because the mainstream 'art community' is insufferable#art tiktok is that on steroids#and instagram is is bootleg tiktok#the same five discourse topics jokes memes advice whatever the only difference is now they're circlejerking about ai too#i wanna be Casual and Spontaenous and Mysterious and shit but IG's layout makes me feel like i can't just post whatever#i feel this pressure to give my posts all the same format and add tags and do this and do that and have good Branding or w/e#and it's just ughhh why can't I be a famous enigma (<- doesn't make or share anything)#even on tumblr the pressure is the same#and at the same time i hate looking back on my art accounts (both ig and here) because it just. doesn't align with what i wanna do#like my attempts at categorising and tagging and being consistent#it's just so. yuck#i want to have a Good Brand but i also want to be 'real' but then i look back at my disjointed messy past work and i cringe#i think i need to block my irls from my art accounts bc i feel super embarassed trying to do any typical Get Noticed on Social Media thing#cause it feels embarassing being seen doing shit that's ''influencer-y'' (idk what to call it)#cause it feels out of character to how i actually am in real life#but also why i do want to show my ''real'' character? I'm not cool#and that's another thing I've had these accounts for ages#looking at my past posts makes me fuckign cringe#I want to purge them or start over
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i know that graduating one semester later is not that big of a deal and i haven't made any plans about what comes next so it doesnt even make a difference. so why does it feel just so terrible
#there are no chances of us finishing the thesis on time#i mean the presentations are only until the 24th so we should have already be done with it#but miss girlie said one week ago that she'd add her parts of the introduction and today i asked her and she said she'll do it tomorrow#and then there's the results and conclusions which i havent even started yet cause im a complete idiot and ive wasted so much time#and i very much doubt she has written anything about them yet#which okay i understand that she is working and i know working σεζον isnt easy#but she could have at least done a copy paste#whatever#i need to at least focus on the exam#i only have a few more slides but i started feeling a panic attack coming so i took a break to try and stop it from coming#if anyone knows how to stop that little voice in your head that always tells you how big of a failure you are please lmk 🙃#okay gonna go finish#then I'll cook lunch and maybe if i spend the rest of the day writing we'll make some progress#maybe we can ask for an extension? idk. i doubt she has even bothered calling the professor even tho she said she was going to#whatever im so done with everything#not looking for pity just needed to complain about it#which seems to be the only thing ive been doing sooo yup#okay going fr now#jo says stuff#university update
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Ep 4 :)
#I LIKE Dostoyevsky. I like how mysterious and unreadable he is. What is his goal!!!! Why does he do what he does!!!!!!! He's very cool#I think knowing his ability now REALLY adds to his character. Him being so smart so manipulative so disruptive in the way he–#seemingly kills people on touch! Only added to this impression of him being “demon” and “inhuman”#But now that we know his ability you realize... That's all his doing; no ability.#His ability in a way does help humanize him by reaffirming that except for the moment he dies– he's got no superpower at all!!!#It's just him.#And yet at the same time also solves the exact opposite role of dehumanizing him because if it's not his ability that makes him like *that*#then he's even different than other ability users!!! Then‚ if not an ability user‚ if not a non ability user: what is //he//?#It's all SO compelling!!! Also makes for an extremely insightful narrative parallel with Dazai#Not an ability user not a non ability user. Not good not evil. (I feel like Dostoyevsky does exceed the definitions of good and evil as–#much as Dazai does. If he causes evil‚ yet does so with the intention of bringing salvation to humans– is he really *simply* evil?)#Both have these borderline superpowers that make them extraordinary beings (we can call it super intelligence‚ but it goes from controlling#their own heartbit to everything else) but are unrelated to their respective abilities! Once again making them neither this or that#I find Karma's words at the end to be extremely insightful.“Ace was evil for sure‚ but this man isn't even evil.#He's a being from the beyond. A being that exceeds human limits.” Like!!! That's all that there is to it!!!!!!#Back to this chapter / episode. There's some themes / worldvies once again I don't agree with but narrative wise I think it's extraordinary#I feel like after the Guild arc the writing really matured a lot and this is a kind of preview of what the doa arc is going to be like#(aka very very well written especially if compared to the previous arcs)#The plot twists of this episode are all so unpredictable and exciting!!! I think it's remarkably witty how it takes advantages of previous–#clichés - villains always revealing details about their own ability in a way that is quite baffling - to actually surprise the audience.#It's so effective. How skillfully unpredictable Dostoyevsky is to the point you can never guess what he will do next!!!#Him killing Karma is... Idk so so soooooooo interesting. I could talk about this forever but I'm being very dispersive in the rable and–#running out of tags. The whole episode you're sorta rooting for Dostoyevsky. He's very cool and comes out charming in the way he keeps–#surprising the audience. He looks bothered by Ace's disregard of other people's lives and that makes him sympathetic too.#But then he kills Karma out of nowhere and it's an “Ah! You fell for his lies too– remember he's nothing but evil. He cares just as little#about life as Ace does”. And then??? Karma in his last words is himself so generous in his words to Dostoyevsky. It's baffling.#And it almost feels like thenarrative is once again turning around and telling you you should root for Dostoyevsky.#It's endlessly fascinating.#I have more to say about the worldviews I don't share and the art style Dostoyevsky was portrayed with this episode (love it!!)#But alas ran out of tags
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hm
thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol
#cylas vents#negativity#negative#death wish#lmao#bitches be like '[potentially concerning thing]' and then add 'lol' as if it's funny or a joke lmao#like i mean technically it's not but then again it is bc it's me. like yeah don't worry don't take this seriously don't mind me ok#it doesn't really matter anyway kk. or maybe it's more like I'm the joke.#like idk the thought that like most of my f/os would probably kill me on sight should be less comforting than it is i guess#imagine casually making posts like this and still being like 'ok but maybe im not actually mentally ill maybe im faking maybe im lying to#myself maybe im making excuses maybe im imagining things maybe im just lazy' etc etc#none of the antidepressants since fluoxetine decided it's over have done shit and even my psychiatrist now is always like 'hm. so do you#want to keep trying other things' and like yeah what else can i do? therapy didnt do anything for this specific issue and the tagesklinik#lady didnt really seem to get my issue (well her suggestions for like therapy groups or whatever were more about socialising or whatever#like ??? girl that's really not the main problem here lmao but she also did have a point about how i would have to actually go there every#day etc but like#what else am i supposed to do#hi i am always tired and sometimes struggle to even get out of bed and thats why i worry about getting a job or something bc it could become#too much or whatever but like unfortunately thats kind of a requirement for everything lmao#when psychiatrist asks what i want/expect or whatever i am internally like 'a magic pill that just fixes everything and makes me a normal#functional human being' but like that's just not A Thing (tm)#so. like. what else am i supposed to do.#i don't want to be like this forever#idk how to tag lmai#using stuff like#tw suicidality#tw suicidal#tw suicidal ideation#just feels so over the top and like i dont have the right to use them lol
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The evil slow creep of it being like "haha these will just be quick little side quests, not much effort at all!" and then noticing each one is getting progressively longer than the last, thus no longer being minimal effort.. auGh....
#The jump of 76 for the first one to 275 for the most recent ghghjb#what can I say.. I am.. The Elaborator.. The Detail Giver..#number six will HAVE to be shorter....!!!!!! !!!!#I fear it's going to look this way but opposite with some of the main character quests. The first character I ever worked on. like their#first quest I added wayy to much information and detail and side options and etc.#Once I got done with all their stuff I was like.... if they're all like this I will NEVER finish.. So then I tried to be very short about#it all. EVERY single interaction cannot have 10 branching dialogue and 5 different endings and blah blah blah.. as much as I wish it could.#Hiring a butler to stand over me all day shouting ''NARROW the scope!!!! REDUCE the options!!! CUT the dialogue!!!'' whilst I sob#and hit backspace on everything once every five minutes#But that means probably the first character I worked on will be very obvious because their quests might have a different#feel than the others and be longer.. I just CAN'T make ALL of them that long. but maybe I could choose one..#Like out of the four characters that will have full quests for them upon release.. maybe I can add another one thats long so at least#TWO of them have weirdly long quests and the one first character doesnt seem so singled out lol#I hear this happens in real life professional games as well (like people complaining that X character doesnt have as much#content in an RPG as some other one does. etc.) so.. perhaps my fears about everyting not being exactlyliterally equal#are not even that worrisome or something that's a major factor. Still lol#It's not really that concerning to me anyways from a 'how will people react to it' perspective (very niche game. hardly anyone#will play it i'd assume. its not like thousands of people shall desscend upon me to criticize even if something was weird like that.#it'd be like. out of the 25 people who ever play it. maybe one of them is like 'yeah it was kinda weird that thosequests were so much#longer than the others. but idk' and that's the extent lol). My concern is more like.. Writing time..#the more I add. the longer it takes for me to finish. So if I keep ednlessly making things forever longer and longer. then it becomes The#Forever Project. which it kind of already is. considering I started it in 2018 and then forgot about it for the most part of 5 years and am#only resuming it now LOL.. I cannot bear to add MORE forever onto that which already is quite Forever-ish#If I wrote everything the ideal way I wish it were then I would either need a full team of writers. or I would finish the game in 2085#so.. alas.. cut cut snip snip..#ANYWAY lol
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my niece stayed with us last night. it was pretty fun this time, probably because I was feeling better (if I'm already in pain or exhausted, I can't handle it). after we dropped her off, we talked to my mother for a little bit, and then drove to my in-laws. we were there for a few hours and because the guys were busy outside, i ended up talking to my mother-in-law for most of that time. it was... kind of good? I don't know. she actually showed some real emotions, just a little bit, but hey that's more than ever before! I even gave her a weird little shoulder squeeze/side hug, it was so weird.
anyway, I almost fell asleep in the car on the way home because I was so tired, and actually did fall asleep immediately on the couch.
#it's pretty annoying because my mother-in-law of course asked me how applying for jobs is going. I haven't applied for a single one yet#bc dude I can barely get through the day. I sleep for 12-16 hours a day. and I'm almost always in some kind of pain. and I'm not doing so#good mentally either. come on! I interacted with a handful of people in one day and had to sleep for like 6 hours.#anyway so I said it's a bit difficult because I'm constantly tired - it felt like the only thing she might kind of understand?#annnd she said its probably a vitamin D deficiency and I should get that tested (I won't because I'd have to pay for that and also I think I#read that taking vitamin D supplements doesn't actually help? I can't remember now and I don't want to look it up bc I know it definitely is#not the only or even main reason I am always tired.#I took vitamin D tablets for several months last year (?) bc my previous GP recommended it and. it did absolutely nothing at all#plus. like. I can't sleep. I sleep like shit. always. so. idk? that definitely doesn't help#and I sleep more when I'm in pain and all that too. so.#and she knows I have a bunch of health issues but. nope it's vitamin D because that's one thing and it's simple and here take a pill you're#fine now! wait why aren't you fine now? oh I guess you're just lazy 🙄#< that's 100% how that would go#ugh. Just let me sleep for 5-10 years. maybe that'd fix me....#like. I'm trying to get myself back (?) to being an actual human person again. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm trying to#live and not feel like I'm drowning every fucking day#finding a job is only gonna add more stress and exhaustion and everything. if I want to try to help myself this is the time to do it#okay rant over I'm going to sleep now#personal
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YOU WILL NOT FOOL ME AGAIN MR JONNY SIMS!!!
#i may be going crazy#I'm ok with that#the magnus archives#the magnus protocol#conspiracy board#let me know if you think I should add something#idk if robert smirke exists in this new world#so I don't want to sort things into smirkes 14#the eye is only there because eyeballs#I'll add others IF I get definitive proof#don't want to use too much string right away#so I've connected some things together that don't need to be#my friend told me before I started tma that I should take notes cause everything is connected#I didn't take him seriously then#he's helping me put this together now#i expect that I'll need to clear some more wall space in three months
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everyone pray for me that i did not just give myself food poisoning (;・∀・)
#i may have made a bad decision with the meat i cooked shdjdkl BUT I THINK IT'LL BE FINE#it was past the date on the packaging but it didnt smell or look or feel off at all so . i decided to risk it#and now im panicking bc i think perhaps that was actually rly stupid fhdkdl#but it was. so much money. i had no idea the date was so soon on the package when i got it from mum#I would've frozen it if I'd known dhdksl i should've looked#alas !!! i think it'll be fine tbh bc it genuinely did not seem spoiled at all so ... now we just pray#i had a fairly small serving of it and I'll see how i feel to figure out if the rest of it is safe to eat or not#im just fhdjdkl crying a little rn bc the past two days have been so awful and im so tired#i rly dont want to get sick on top of everything else going on#i would like one thing to go well fjdkdl just like. one thing. this feels like divine punishment for having the old lady group go so well#im just kind of losing my mind rn i think actually fhfkdl i have a therapy/counseling appt on monday though so we'll see if that helps#i do not have high hopes fjfkdl#MANNNN. can the universe give me a break PLEASE. I've been trying so hard the past three weeks to do well 😭😭#im putting in so much work and effort fhdksl can i PLEASE have this one thing go okay djdksl i do not want to get sick !!!#if i do get sick then im just. hhhhh. idk djdkdl it's just one more thing to add to my pile of Bad ig djdkdl what can ya do djdkdl#i am going to pull myself together and stop crying and go play stardew maybe idk fjdkdl i feel like im starting to crack a little bit#augh. augh. i would love to catch a break djdkdl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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every time i so much as think about that scene where light looks at porn magazines while scowling i go into hysterics its genuinely the funniest thing i've ever seen
#the funniest thing is is that i truly believe he thought he was being 100% convincing. that that's normal behavior for a completely straight#completely allosexual man#light is fucking awful and i hate him but also there's nuance to him. and sometimes i can get a little like. oh thinking about his life#before the series. specifically factoring in my headcanons about him being gay aroace and autistic and stuff. ppl have written some rlly#good fics surrounding those topics.... but yeah thats not even canon stuff but i dont care#anyways its not in a way of making excuses for how he is i just think it adds more to his character#hes total garbage but i think theres really interesting stuff with him when it comes to how he's.... VERY disconnected from others#just in general. he's like aware of how to act ''normal'' on like the most textbook surface level without being like. Aware enough to#be able to make it more convincing. and as ridiculous as it is i do see some of myself in him in that sense#also that person who said light and L is just autistic guy who's been masking his entire life vs autistic guy who's never masked in his#entire life. LITERALLY EXACTLY. genuinely perfect way to describe them they are both so similar when it comes to this#but the ways they go about it are very different. light has been playing the part of the perfect son his whole life. L doesnt try to change#himself for anyone and doesnt care when people think hes weird. both of them arent very socially aware and havent had any real friends#their whole lives. its such a fascinating parallel between them#i could go on a whole fucking thing about how light was pretending to be someone he's not around his family and at school and everything#long before he got the death note BUT. i wont. at least not right now#jesus christ how did i go from laughing about him with the magazine to this. my bad#derailed my own damn post. idk swagever#will say rq tho. watched a vid on youtube that pointed out how light expected his family to think nothing of the fact that he's gone to#such drastic measures to hide his diary when making the plan with hiding the death note which is like#that level of dedication would NOT be normal. so the fact that light expects his family to think nothing of it......#i mean you could read that as light just once again being socially unaware. but it could also imply that light's family kind of Knows#he's hiding something and just doesn't address it. (he's gay. im talking about him being gay)#the video also referenced this comic that i didnt rb cause the actual premise of it (lawlight wedding) is um.#not at all my kind of thing. BUT it was light describing himself as a house with a basement when his family sees him as a one story house#and i thought that was such a cool analogy#ANYWAYYYSSSS i need to go to bed. thanks if you read my ramblings#serena.txt#death note posting
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Tactics Ogre Reborn: My Little Anecdotes Turned Accidental Character Rant?
(wall of text warning)
Recently finished my first playthrough of Tactics Ogre Reborn and I feel the need to gush so enjoy this as I throw it into the darkest depths that is my tumblr. I (kinda surprisingly) really enjoyed this game (honestly I love tactics games and story-heavy games so I really don't know why I was so surprised in the first place ^^''), I wouldn't call it perfect by any means, I do have quite a few issues I'd like to touch on (Palace of the Dead say hi) but like it is really good, def recommend (also out of context spoilers?)
Having just completed the main story’s chaos route with the princess ending (I think it was called that), it’s a lot to take in. I think the story and characters really shined in chapter 2 and chapter 3 but I was a little bit disappointed in the resolution in the final chapter (4), A lot kinda happens but there is a lack of character drama since protag-boy Denam is mostly alone and it being my first time through a lot of the bigger plot points felt a little lost on me (kind of my fault though cuz I got burned out in chapter 4 because of the amount of side-content and especially *The Palace of the Dead*, I’m getting to you). One really nice detail I think is the character notes you get after every battle or cutscene, it doesn’t just add details about your characters but villains, antagonist and just generic units you have to kill (say Yay!). It really gives you the sense that everyone has their own life and it makes it that much more painful when you have to take others.
Character-wise I enjoyed the cast a lot, I both like and dislike the fact that you have to go out of your way to learn about the side characters though. It did make every detail more rewarding and memorable but at the same time I would have liked *some* indication as to how I was suppose to know beforehand? Like, take Arcylle’s backstory with Leonar being locked to in-battle dialogoue which can be missed or just accidentally cut short if you finish the battle too early, and that’s just one of many. This is not the game for people who need a perfect playthrough cuz you will lose your mind.
My personal favorite characters were the Four Phorena Sisters (especially Cistina and Sherri), Arycelle, Hobyrim, Cressida and Catiua. I kinda desperately wish we had a proper resolution to the Sisters since they are kinda built up in chapter 2 and 3 but nothing ever happens, they never get to talk with each other once they’re finally together again, that would have been a great ending scene instead of just three silent characters and one pursuing the main character, which didn’t really add anything (other than sequel-teasing I guess? Whoops). I wish more time could have been dedicated to those kinds of interactions, I would have loved a support-like system, or just more optional scenes thet aren’t obscured, to flesh out the characters even more. Still I think it’s impressive how they manage to make you think so much about the characters and want to learn more about them despite the lack of dialogue or story around them. Also not saying I want more dialogue for dialogue’s sake but I want to see proper resolutions to character arcs that were teased throughout the story.
Similarly I think Catiua deserved better. She’s a really interesting character being led astray by insecurities and being kind of selfish, only really caring about herself and her family, but I think that makes her a very human character. I think the moment with Denam where she realizes just how strong their bond is, “blood be damned” is really sweet but 4 her character development does a 180* way too quickly. It feels a little unearned having her “queen persona” yap on about duty and people when she herself didn’t learn anything about that in the story we see. It would have added more to her character if she was allowed some agency when she joined the dark knights, kind of like Vyce’s pathetic walk to doom.
I do wonder though if some of my complaints will be rectified in other story routes cuz it could definitely be possible that they split up some story events or things change so much that some characters become more relevant in the main story? (but in that case just take it as a complaint about the Chaos route specifically idk)
I almost forgot to rant about the palace of the dead which is a 100 floor dungeon (which is ridicolulsly long, 24 hours, I’m no christian but jesus christ) that I walked into blind, proceeded to lose my mind cuz it was never ending, only to find out I was 50% through it and got to stubborn to quit so then I dropped the game for like months (only really doing a few battles every now and then) but I finally freed myself this week, it is no more, never attempt this. Your one reward for beating the boss is one 30 second ending scene being alterted (anything for you Cressida <33 //but not really) and an item that skips the dungeon which…thanks would have liked that beforehand but I will take it for the postgame dungeons.
Also slight note but having looked up some character details I found out the naming of the characters is based in goetia mythology (specifically the names of demons) but not all characters match their derived demon. Arycelle starts out as air-based in the game but her name is derived from Alloces who is associated with fire? smhsmh
#Didn’t really talk about the gameplay in general but it was good#wished we had more enemy variety tho#+ some of the endgame/postgame magics kill everything before you need strategy#(Cistina and Catiua where teleporting goddesses of destruction the way they wiped the battlefield)#I’m so adding Cistina and Caitua to my cosplans tho#my queens#my adopted daughters#they are my pookies of death and destruction#with family issues I might add- how could I resist#def playing the rest of the main story but for now I'm just happy going through post-game#oh also class building is really fun that's what made palace of the dead bearable for me- I just switched character builds a bunch#tactics ogre#tactics ogre reborn#tactics ogre let us cling together#bombonwastherereadytocry#jrpg#also when I first read catiua's name I could not stop thinking about katya so maybe that's part of the reason I felt so attached to her idk#also also the jp voice acting was really good but um some of the groans where <<'' sus
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what if i write an apocalypse au what then?
#all credits to aurora because she owes me a new box of tissues :)#now either it could be a world thrusted into chaos with all archons dead#or yknow we can take it to a modern au and just throw in some zombies#yummy#i had an old idea about the latter#but reader dies in the end#oh and it’s also a reader x albedo type of fic because it made sense considering everything#so yeah that’s nice#if i go with the archons all dead route#then everyone is inclined to believe some sort of prophecy has befallen on them#that since the gods have fallen#those closest to them (the ones which visions/acolytes) will be next#and some believe that if they’ve sacrificed enough people with visions#it’ll appease the ‘higher hierarchy’ let’s say the heavenly principles#and boom now everyone with a vision is being hunted for sport#those in contact of delusions are a mockery of the heavenly principles#and will also perish by the hunt#idk what else to add onto this really#maybe those visionless become more devoted to their gods? almost to an extra extent?#more to try and appease them rather than actual loyalty yknow?
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i’m absolutely not complaining about ttpd as an album, i love it even more than i thought i would, but i do kind of wish she would’ve waited to release it until after the eras tour was over so it could’ve gotten its own tour :/ like the visuals and the stage design and the outfits are just sooo good and not only is it being cut down into only seven songs so it can fit into an already massive setlist, but everyone who went to the shows in the us, mexico, south america, asia, and australia — aka a huge portion of the tour dates — didn’t get to see any of it live. like it’s so impressive that taylor was able to add the ttpd section into the existing setlist but i can't help but feel disappointed bc this means we likely won't get a ttpd tour, which is something i would kill to see </3
#i know so many people demand new content from her constantly but with everything she’s been doing we didn’t NEED this album so soon yk#i personally would’ve been fine waiting another year or even longer if it meant ttpd could get its own era#bc it’s kind of impossible for it to fully have that when she’s already a year into this huge tour#she’s already had to cut so many songs to fit everything (not even everything bc there’s no debut set)#with lover/folklore/evermore not getting their own tours bc of covid it makes sense why she did the eras tour instead of a midnights tour#but now that touring is an option again it would’ve been nice for her to slow down her releases a bit to really focus on new albums more#idk maybe this is a hot take bc ofc the eras tour is incredible and i do feel so lucky to have gotten to go at all#but i just really wish i could see ttpd songs live and it seems like i won’t get that chance until the next tour#which will likely be years from now and who knows how many albums she’ll have put out by then#rn all i can do is hope that she’ll add another us leg or something so i can see eras again with the new setlist#but that’s very unlikely since she’s already added shows in miami/indy/etc none of which i can afford travel for let alone resale tickets#no one’s gonna even see this but if anyone does i hope it’s not taken the wrong way bc she’s given us so much in the past few years#sorry for the essay i just love ttpd and i want to see it live </3#lj speaks now
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