#maybe we can ask for an extension? idk. i doubt she has even bothered calling the professor even tho she said she was going to

[newtness532]

i know that graduating one semester later is not that big of a deal and i haven't made any plans about what comes next so it doesnt even make a difference. so why does it feel just so terrible

[iamanartichoke]

[please blacklist spoiler tags: #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, #loki spoilers]

Yes, I did just watch episode 2 at 5:30 in the morning.

No, I am not sorry. Not at the moment, although when I inevitably crash later this afternoon, I will be.

Just some very, very quick - and scattered and messy - thoughts: That is a straight up lie; they’re definitely scattered and messy but not very quick at all.

Under the cut for spoilers and length.

I’m going to start with Loki’s characterization. My honest opinion is that Loki’s overall characterization feels like a fic characterization. He definitely is not Avengers Loki, like, at all. I don't know if Tom just, like, forgot how to play that Loki or ...?? That, or Loki was so much more mind-controlled than we realized and getting hulk-smashed just completely reset him back to zero but also fucked him up a little bit and affected his personality, kind of like how some people completely develop weird new personality quirks after a traumatic brain injury.

… yeah, I think that’s where I’m gonna land for now. TV series!Loki feels like a more-or-less canon version of Loki, but if that Loki got hit in the head really hard and now he’s just a little bit fucked up but overall no worse for the wear. Which - it may be that it’s so early in the morning, but that’s actually really fucking funny to me, lmao. God, I kill me. It’s not funny.

No, but, that’s pretty much how I feel. He’s ooc but he’s also ic, and the reason I’m not particularly bothered by the inconsistency, for lack of a better word, is because that’s what pretty much every fic Loki already feels like to me? (Including my own, so I’m not, like, saying that in a derogatory way.) Which is why I say Loki feels like a fic!Loki and to try to explain it better - there is always, for me, a little suspension of disbelief that I employ when I read fic. The reason for that is because the context, the plot, and the dynamics of the fic are usually pretty different than what we ever get in canon, so it becomes a matter of taking film!Loki and, like, bending him a bit in order to fit him into the perimeters of the fic.

The result ends up being that I don’t see the exact Avengers!Loki or TDW!Loki, and thus by definition the portrayal is ooc, but the version that I do see feels like a genuine extension of the canon version, possessing enough of Loki’s overall traits and characteristics that he feels authentic, albeit a bit pretzeled for the new context.

I honestly think that’s something that’s unavoidable, just due to the fact that in fic - and now, in this series - there are a lot more variables at play than there are in the films, wherein Loki is not just a supporting character but also the villain/antagonist and is therefore very limited in what he does/what the narrative allows him to do. When those limitations are taken away, what are we going to see? Probably a lot of different things, and yeah, a lot of them are going to feel a little ooc. And, like in fic, even if the characterization mostly lands, there are definitely bits and pieces (some fics more than others lean this way) where the author didn’t stick the landing or got carried away or otherwise probably forgot for a while that they were writing Loki, not their own OC.

That’s the point where it strays into cringe territory for me (and where the ‘heh, he’s Loki but with a brain injury’ aspect comes in), but while I had to consciously decide to just ignore those moments, overall the tone in this episode felt a bit more balanced between the new, the old, and the cringe, and less whiplash-y from the beginning of the episode to the end.

… I have no idea if that makes sense, but what I’m basically saying is that while I am enjoying this version of Loki, I do recognize all of the ways he’s ooc but, unlike how I feel about Ragnarok!Loki, the ooc-ness feels genuine and unavoidable rather than just a fundamental and careless misunderstanding of the character altogether. In other words, I feel like any ooc-ness here is happening despite the writers taking care to do their best, and isn’t just a result of Loki being lazily written by a person or persons who just doesn’t want to bother with him at all.

Again, I don’t know if that makes sense, but fuck it, there we are and I’m moving on.

I liked all of the little details, including again, things that felt straight out of fic, like Loki asking Mobius why he has the jetski magazine. (Also, if any of my thorki friends read this, was I the only one who noticed that when we see Loki reading the magazine, it just happens to be open to a page with a picture featuring a jet skier who looks like Thor? l.m.a.o.)

Loki interrupting things to explain the difference between illusions vs the other power (I can’t remember which one, off hand, and if I stop writing to go look it up I will lose my train of thought and not finish this) was great, but his overall input and contributions to the missions inspired very mixed feelings for me. On the one hand, I loved that the narrative, via Loki, is reminding us of all these things that he’s capable of that the films generally left out or brushed aside or ignored - but, every time he spoke, he was met with eye rolls and sighs and just a general feeling of “someone please shut this guy up” and I didn’t like the narrative treating him that way.

But also, it’s understandable bc none of the people on his team are actually on his team. None of them want him there (story of Loki’s fucking life), none of them trust him, and none of them are particularly interested in hearing what he has to say. So it’s like, I understand why they reacted the way they did, and I don’t think their reactions are meant to support an overall narrative undermining of Loki’s skills and input - but, the tone is hard to read for me bc I am very defensive and protective of Loki. I can’t quite determine the line between the TVA agents being unreliable narrators (ie, they’re annoyed by Loki bc of who he is to them, but that doesn’t mean the audience is supposed to feel the same) and the TVA agents validating that Loki is just being a nuisance (and, thus, the audience is supposed to feel the same).

That is, I know how I am consuming the narrative (that they’re unreliable narrators), but I’m not sure if that’s how tptb are intending for me to consume the narrative - and I guess it doesn’t really matter, but it’s worth mentioning.

In general, I really liked, again, Loki existing in his own space and watching the way he carried himself. I especially found it interesting that his hands were almost always in his pockets - for one thing it's a stance I tend to imagine him taking often in fic, but also it’s kind of a weird choice bc pockets don’t seem to be a thing in Asgardian clothing. It makes me feel like Loki is the kind of person who never knows what to do with his hands but is always conscious of them, as is common among anxious and self-conscious people, and I just find that relatable on a weird level.

I am really kinda torn on Mobius in this episode; when not interrogating Loki, he’s much less antagonistic toward Loki and therefore I’m more inclined to take-him-or-leave-him but I’ll go ahead and take him I guess. Yet at the same time, bc he’s not interrogating Loki he’s also not trying to put on a show for Loki and when you take that away, he really doesn’t seem to like Loki at all. It supports that Mobius only wants what Loki can do for him and doesn’t actually particularly care about him as a person, which is fine and more or less what I figured, but it contributes to me not really being able to decide how I feel about him in general. Idk, though, I kinda like their dynamic? Like I want them to end up friends?

Regardless, Tom and Owen have amazing chemistry and it’s really funny to me bc (not to be a jerk) I honestly didn’t know Owen Wilson could act. Like, I’ve never seen him in a role where he wasn’t just playing Owen Wilson. So for him to not only be playing Mobius so well but also having such chemistry and a sense of holding-his-own against Tom Hiddleston is like, color me surprised but pleasantly so.

I like B-15 a lot, even though she obviously hates Loki, so idk why I like her but I do. I like Renslayer less, but meh. (Side note - when I was in undergrad in Syracuse, I took the Amtrak from Syracuse to Boston and back more than a few times, for reasons that aren’t relevant, and that route always had a layover at Albany-Rensselaer and every single time I see Renslayer’s name, I want to call her Rensselaer instead.) Shout out to the guest appearance by Casey, sorry Loki stole your juice lmfao.

The moments from the trailer that were very cringe were less so in context (though still kinda cringe, tbh). I think we’ve seen most of the content from the trailers in the first two episodes now, though, which means going forward, it’s going to be like 95% previously unseen material (aside from the brief apocalyptic shots and so forth).

One thing I fucking loved was how Loki, reading about Ragnarok, was visibly affected and even teared up a bit, and you could tell he was in his feels about it, but then later when Mobius expresses sympathy, Loki is just like, “Uh huh, very sad, but anyway.” It was a subtle (well maybe not that subtle) but effective way to remind us that what Loki presents to other people is more often than not a mask and he keeps his true feelings close to the chest. It makes last week’s breakdown have even more of an impact, I think, bc clearly Loki was at the end of his rope to allow himself to show that much raw emotion and vulnerability, but also - for me - there’s a niggling little doubt there that wasn’t there before, in that there was probably more performance in it than I thought.

By which I mean, I think his reaction to the film of his life when he was alone was genuine but, while I previously thought his admission to Mobius later was also genuine, I now think was probably half genuine and half performative. I know others already figured that out, but I’m a little slow and, also, I don’t mind changing my opinion and interpretation from week to week.

Along the same lines, I wasn’t exactly surprised to see that Loki is “undercover” in the TVA, but it was nice to see it acknowledged fairly quickly. Not sure I buy that Loki wants to overthrow and rule the TVA - it’s still a little too “Loki only wants a throne” for me, but again, just because that’s what he told the variant doesn’t mean that’s actually what he’s after.

And, finally, I like the variant, I love Loki’s reaction to seeing her, and while I realize that the show has acknowledged Loki’s gender fluidity and we’re meant to assume that Lady Loki (I guess? Not sure if we’re going with that or not here) is Loki, I saw a theory somewhere about how this is actually not Loki-Loki, but - I wanna say her name Sophie but that’s the actress, again I can’t go look it up bc I will lose my train of thought - but it’s a character who is similar to Amora and who was created by Loki and models herself as Loki but she’s actually someone else.

Ugh I can’t remember the details of the theory, but I am kinda going with it bc I don’t think that Loki would look so - not surprised but just kind of “oh, well, I wasn’t expecting that” if he were seeing the female version of himself. Like, he doesn’t seem to recognize her the way I assume he would recognize himself, male or female. Not only does that make me feel like she’s actually someone else, but also not recognizing her as the female version of himself doesn’t necessarily mean Loki doesn’t recognize her at all. He may very well recognize her as this other Amora-similar character and, if so, I really want to see how that character fits with MCU Loki (as I think she’s a comic book character but, again, I’d have to go back and find that theory).

Edit: I found a version of it here.

Overall score, B-. Mostly solid, but needs moar Loki breakdowns and tears. (That's just me, don't fucking judge me.) Also, I really hate that we have to wait a week between episodes. I wish they were following Netflix’s method of dropping the entire season at once but, then again, if they did that, I’m not sure any of us would survive.

I gotta get ready for work and I deleted and rewrote so much of this and it still seems nonsensical to me, lmfao fml. Anyway feel free to interact/send me asks/whatever, it’s going to be a long fucking day with all of this on my mind. I’ll be working my way through my dash as best as I can.

Oh, also! Loki is so fucking pretty in this episode! The TVA suit is ugly, but he makes it work, and his hair's combed nicely and he looks like he finally got an opportunity to sleep and shower and eat something and, yknow, it's working for him.

[highqueenofelfhame]

acowar reread thread

so i think i’ll update this post every few chapters unless anything super major happens that i want to immediately react to, that way you get my commentary but i’m not totally flooding and flooding and flooding your feed with a super super long post. i think i’m going to edit it under the cut and reblog it every time it gets updated and i’ll also number every update so it’s easy to find where i left off. if you guys prefer the other way i’ll transition back to the other way for acofas.) this is super fun i’ll start doing this for more books if you’re interested, including books i read for the first time. (after acofas, crescent city is next and it’ll be my first time reading it!)

UPDATES UNDER THE CUT.

1) chapters 1-5 I’ve read up through chapter five and so far my favorite thing is just how DONE feyre is with literally everyone in the spring court. the amount of times she’s had to like look away and not roll her eyes is just hilarious, her dry inner monologue, she just made a comment about having to remind herself to laugh and not strangle tamlin while they were dancing at the summer solstice and it just is so funny to me. 

i miss rhys. but the few times they’ve spoken through the bond is enough to tide me over. he told her he loved her once and i sighed out loud. i’m such trash for this bitch. 

feyre hijacking the summer solstice ceremony is COMEDIC GOLD. like you kNOW ianthe was fuming and furious and trying to save face the best she could but like hats off to feyre man. her character development from book one to where we’re at in book three is fantastic. she’s not a simpering little girl anymore, she’s a bad bitch and she kNOWS she’s a bad bitch and it’s just.. fucking great. 

i also, as much as i don’t want to, feel for lucien A LOT. i think a lot of his behavior is heavily influenced by how he’s been treated by tamlin for most of his life and i feel genuine remorse from him and the fact that he can like tell something is up but isn’t saying anything just shows, to me anyway, how much remorse he’s genuinely feeling. 

also alis knowing that something is up is just a testament to how attentive she is as a faerie and a friend and i really love that about her.

“I was the nightmare” YAS BITCH. FUCKIN YAASSS.

2) chapters 6-10 feyre is so goddamn clever. the entire time she’s bringing down the spring court she’s witty and fierce and clever and really just iS THAT BITCH, HUH? 

i don’t like jurian but the fact that he still has compassion within himself for his kind despite being literally insane for being just AWAKE and aware for like 500 years is... nice and pleasantly surprising because i feel like you wouldn’t think that of him being that he’s siding with hybern so that he thanked feyre when she tried to get the children of the blessed out of there... i don’t know why i’m bringing this up, it’s just something that stuck out to me and that jurian also vouches (to feyre) about rhysand’s character and how decent of a person he found him to be. it’s just very interesting and i feel like speaks leaps and bounds about rhysand as a person. 

feyre pushing tamlin to explode again... just CHEF KISS. like she really thought of everything. she thought of everything to internally make his sentries doubt him and then completely hate them by orchestrating the ianthe vs sentry debacle. she made herself seem very compassionate and kind and and showed tamlin and ianthe for what they were by doing genuinely so little. like all she did was make them show their true colors on their own and it didn’t take tOO much manipulation. idk feyre is just incredible in the spring court. 

forcing ianthe to hurt herself and molding her mind to make her think she’s always afraid is so much better than just outright killing her.. (if i remember from my last read, it doesn’t hold up, but the thought is there and it’s genius) I also think that this shows a lot about feyre and her character because despite everything she couldn’t just leave lucien alone with ianthe and the unwanted advances. she stayed and fought for her friend (and by extension her mate) even when lucien wouldn’t really fight for her and so feyre is just a fuckin real one like... she’s the kind of friend that you want in your corner. 

killing the hybern twins: glorious. such badassery from lucien and feyre both. 

and i think it’s nice that she let lucien come along with her on her journey back to the night court despite maybe not wanting to but i also think that she knew if she left him behind he could get in serious trouble or wind up dead and so again, i think it says a lot about her character as a person. 

3) chapters 11-15 i’m kind of reading and recapping every 50 pages or so which typically ends up being 4-5 chapters and it’s a good system so far so we’re gonna keep it up! 

the first thing of like, real substance to comment on is lucien saying his father will kill feyre for wielding his power but feyre just responding with “he can get in line.” like her sass is sO GOOD In this book, especially in the spring court chapters.

uhhh big fuck you to eris, i don’t know why people want him to have a redemption arc, he is literally a fat sack of shit that deserves to burn and i’m not sorry for saying so. he’s abusive and cruel and doesn’t deserve like, anything at all. although i will say good on him for balking a bit when feyre revealed she’s high lady. 

CASSIAN AND AZRIEL SUPERHERO LANDING ON THE ICE AND KICKING ASS!! I remember vividly the relief i felt when cassian showed up and was able to fly and i still felt so much victory when it happened again. it’s one of my favorite moments of the book so far and just really gets me. also feyre just dropping the “I’m high lady of the night court” bomb is DELICIOUS and i can’t get enough. i read it like six times. because you know as soon as the illyrians yielded to her that the autumn bitches were like “shit.”

“My love.” kILLS ME. you guys, i’ve only read this book once but i’ve reread their reuniting multiple times because it’s just so soft. rhys is so goddamn soft. he loves her so fucking much. i want rhys to call me my love and lick my tears away. goddamn. 

something i think about a lot is how in acotar when tamlin had feyre alone after months of torture he just tried to fuck her despite knowing things weren’t safe. however, knowing she was home and safe, rhys didn’t try for that immediately. like yes, they kissed, but there was so much conversation before they fucked that it just, says a lot about their relationship. tamlin also always demanded to know everything about feyre’s visits as soon as she was back, not even bothering to kiss her hello but rhys was like ‘that shit can wait’ AND THEY’RE ABOUT TO GO TO WAR. rhys loves her so wholly that he wanted to make sure she was okay before he ever bothered to ask about the spring court and how everything unfolded the last few weeks. idk i’m trash for rhysand, y’all. let’s make that a shirt.

the way that rhys threatens lucien, “i won’t bother to explain it again, and i will rip out your fucking throat.” is so sexy. like how casual it was, so sexy.#ripmythroatoutrhysand

amren being a bedtime story but irl is just a cranky aunt lmao.

nesta’s ferocity is, yes, frustrating, but also so heartbreaking to me. for a very long time i had a really rough relationship with my sister and i can see my own sister in nesta (who, by the way, would murder me if she found out i said this so, kara, if u see this, i love u endlessly and i love nesta with my whole heart) especially nesta’s behavior more so in acofas which i’ll talk more about when we get there. but i just, i feel for her man. she’s been traumatized and life as she knows it has been ripped away from her and some people respond to trauma with bite. and i know it doesn’t make it right or okay but it still just makes me feel for her.

cassian and nesta’s banter just gODDAMMIT SLAYS ME. i cannot wait for an entire fucking book of this shit and an entire book of their back and forth. i think nesta loves him and doesn’t know what to do with it because she’s scared so she’s acting like a cornered animal. like nesta is a snake that will strike when cornered and threatened and i just god i can’t wait for their book. 

elain... broke my heart a lot more than i remembered. as someone in the midst of my worst depression i find myself able to relate to that hollow and empty feeling like...all too well and it struck a cord and i almost cried at how empty she was. 

4) chapters 16-29 there is the whole meeting at amren’s apartment and cassian defends nesta, saying that he understands her actions, her snark, why she is the way she is, and it just honestly reinforces my love for cassian. i don’t have much to say about it but that i just really love the respect that he has for others. more cassian things: feyre brings up again how even broken and literally bleeding out and on the ground with his wings completely shredded he was still crawling toward nesta and reaching for her and trying to get to her. “because i can’t stay away.” fucking cracks my heart open every time. 

i love everything about the first family dinner back together. i love all the banter, i love that nesta sat in and even contributed to dinner conversation a little bit. lucien being so uncertain of the dynamic is hilarious. amren like opening herself up in a way to nesta and telling her that they’re the same, and to make sure her eruption is felt across worlds, i love it. i’m marking a lot more from amren than i thought i would. cassian at one point, he points to az and says “don’t try to blend into the shadows” and it actually made me chuckle to myself because hE DOES THAT. and it’s funny that cassian calls him on it. 

i don’t think nesta gets enough credit (for like anything, we all been knew i’m a slut for her and stan her with my life) but even as broken and angry as she was she did still offer to help explore magic that she doesn’t want and got as a result of trauma so that she can try to help. she isn’t completely useless. and i like that she has backbone and isn’t just a pushover little bitch. (that isn’t directed toward elain. like i previously mentioned, i’m finding that i relate a lot to her in her current state.) i just mean that i’m glad she sticks up for herself and doesn’t just like, do what people tell her to do. ya know?

rhys being so open to feyre pushing back on him about things like, again man. tamlin erupted and got angry, rhys is like “hell, i deserved it.” just, the differences in their relationships and the toxicity that comes from tamlin and the devotion rhys has for feyre is (say it with me) DELICIOUS.

i also like that just because feyre is high lady that the IC doesn’t just like flop over and bend down and take shit (i’m looking at you, spring court.) like cassian isn’t afraid to be like “you pissed me off by sacrificing yourself.” because he cares. LIKE, AGAIN WITH HIS DEVOTION. his loyalty is just so pure. it isn’t blind but it is pure and i just, god i love it. 

also everyone forgets that azriel has a dry ass sense of humor and i don’t see any of y’all writing it into your fics. “In order to fly, you’ll need wings” he said drily. IT’S DELICIOUS. dry humor is some of the best. and i like that feyre is learning more and getting to spend more time with him. 

5) chapter 20-27 this one will be a bit of a dump because i accidentally read too much today so far to try to catch up from my lack of reading yesterday so... oops. 

“Let’s see what names you call me when my head is between your legs, Feyre darling.” ugh. i wish a mans would say that to me. not really. i wish rhys would say that to me and only rhys. maybe rowan. or aaron warner. or cassian. or -- you get it. 

amren is SO FUCKING FUNNY without doing it on purpose. like genuinely hilarious. “she’s fine. stubborn as an ass, but as you’re related, i’m not surprised.” rOAST THEM. also amren makes nesta almost smile and she makes her laugh all in the span of like ten seconds AND nesta almost smiles when amren brings up cassian. coincidencE? i tHINK NOT.

again with rhys soothing her nightmares. like god it’s so good i dont even have to say anything else abt it.

feyre realizing that the bone carver is her and rhysand’s son. SO GOOD. like SERIOUSLY SO GOOD. and this doesn’t matter at all rn but i think that rhysand’s son has the potential to be more powerful than even him but that’s a thing to get into for another time.

EVERYTHING THE BONE CARVER SAYS ABOUT NESTA. also that it’s directed at cassian is very interesting and i think the bone carver knows they’re mates. like i wonder if cassian is seeing what feyre sees: his own son. WOULDN’T THAT BE INTERESTING. “How she calls to you.” also the comment about “what did you wake that day in hybern, prince of bastards?” what did cassian wake. the wording here is interesting and i have... a lot of questions. does anyone else just also really fucking enjoy the bone carver as a character? like he’s excellent i’ve never read anything quite like him.

“nothing about nesta could frighten me” UGH MY NESSIAN HEART CAN’T FUCKING TAKE IT.

also cassian stepping it later when nesta is furious with rhysand about the flying. like, one when he sighs and says she’ll never fly again is just... funny and adorable but how nesta was charging for rhys and he casually stepped in front of her and he talked her down. “It was amren’s fault, of course, but no one believed me. and no on dare banish her.” like just babbling a bit to bring her back down to earth. absolutely fascinating and delicious that it worked, wouldn’t you agree? ;)

court of nightmares is always a pleasure. fuck eris. 

also later at the town house when amren and mor and rhys are kinda going at it a bit and cassian gets nesta’s attention and nesta sidles over to him without questioning it... like. god if they aren’t endgame i’ll never read an SJM book ever again and i wholeheartedly mean that.

so i’ve seen the posts about amren being an angel i’m not sure if you guys have but yeah i think that’s a really solid theory. i think she very well could be a biblical angel because she mentioned that according to some they were perfect, that they laid waste to twin cities (sodom & gamorrah if this theory is correct) and she also mentioned yielding her grace and that she would fall. she also says she was a messenger and soldier assassin for a wrathful god ruling a young world and all of that, in my opinion, lines up with a lot of what is in the bible and what christians believe to be true. so i really really like this theory, i doubt it will ever be outright confirmed, but i think this is going to be my canon tbh. 

elain is.... out of her mind. it’s fucking weird everything she says is so cryptic and odd. like it’s just weird. i don’t think she’s insane and i can’t remember exactly where elain’s storyline goes in this book but like... rn it’s just weird and cryptic and a little unsettling and also interesting that she only really responds directly to azriel because everyone else she kinda ignores but she talks to him. interesting. 

6) chapters 28-49 clearly i accidentally read A LOT so we have a lOT Of ground to cover. 

NESTA WAS TOTALLY CHECKING CASSIAN OUT AND THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT.

azriel has fucking jokes, man. page 303 (hardcover us edition)  “That pine tree wasn’t there a moment ago.” “Judging by its size, i’d say it’s been there for ... two hundred years at least.” feyre even notes that he has a dry sense of humor and it comes out more when they’re alone. i can’t get enough of it. i wish he talked more. 

“Cassian finished the muffin, licking his fingers. I could have sworn nesta watched the entire thing with a sidelong glance. He grinned at her as if he knew it too.” i just love nessian so much i’m going to point out all of their cute reactions this is turning more into a nessian reaction thread SUE ME.

I think that nesta has a lot of regret and guilt over her life.over how she treated feyre because it comes out when nesta brings up to feyre that she didn’t know she couldn’t read (and again at the high lords meeting when she says they would have starved if it wasn’t for her.) i think she feels deeply and just doesn’t know what to do with it, doesn’t know how to express it. 

When they almost get taken in the library, and cassian gets there and nesta “launches herself at him.” my heart. she was scared and she didn’t care she was just so relieved. like fuck me up that’s the shit i like.

nesta asking where cassian is the moment they get back from the battle in adriata and she was worried and scared for him. later when she does see him i think this is when the mating bond clicks into place. it’s page 398 and she says “You didn’t come to -” and then cuts herself off. they have a really fucking intense moment. cassian takes her hand and laces their fingers and they don’t really say anything for a beat until he says “Next time, emissary, i’ll come say hello.” but his voice is low and rough when he says it. “The world seemed to go utterly still at that interrupted sentence, nothing and no one more so than cassian.” i think this is when it clicks for him. maybe not for nesta but definitely for cassian. 

RHYSAND RIPPING TAMLIN’S ABILITY TO SPEAK AWAY LIKE YES WE STAN A MOTHERFUCKING KING. fuck tamlin. fuck eris. and fuck beron. also nesta defending cassian in the high lords meeting (page 438, because beron calls him a bastard.) again, i’m just saying, she’s defending her fucking mate i can’t deal. feyre also exploding in the meeting and rhys just being like “You’ve proved your point, my love.” SO DELICIOUS. “I made her high lady because i love her. her power was the last thing i considered.” like fucking hELL that is how you treat your woman.

after the meeting, helion being like “You handing eris’s ass to him will be my new fantasy at night, by the way.” DELICIOUS. fucking hilarious. 10/10 recommend helion as a high lord and a mans we love to see it. 

also cassian being so concerned when nesta starts to have that feeling about the cauldron being used before the wall gets shattered.he didn’t doubt her feelings for a second, i mean no one did, but he was completely unyielding when he sensed her fear and immediately looked for any sign of an immediate threat.

nesta saying she’s never worn pants and cassian saying “i have no doubt you’d start a riot if you did.” he’s thinking bout that ass. also cassian giving her a quick lesson in defense before they yeet off to the human lands to see graysen and his family. IDK I REALLY LOVE NESSIAN OKAY?!

7) chapter 50-the end. i accidentally finished the book. oops. 

super intersted in nesta’s powers and if she is a witch. i can’t remember acofas at all and if nesta’s powers manifest in that book but i’m eager to see if the fracturing of the cauldron didn’t effect whatever powers she took from it. i think that could also be part of what ultimately is wrong with her on top of all the trauma. 

nesta helping cassian after that first battle when his wrist is hurt. she didn’t take no for an answer and helped him and it was just really soft until mor showed up and cassian pulled his hand away. i’m conflicted about what it means to be totally honest. what it means for his feelings for nesta and what it means where mor is concerned. i don’t love how morrigan treats nesta and cassian’s... relationship? but i don’t dislike mor. i think she’s dealing and coping and has her reasons that we will likely find out about. 

“Only you can decide what breaks you” is something i’d like to get tattooed. i dont really have anything else to add to it. 

i was sobbing during rhys’s battle speech to everyone. i dont rlly have anything else to say about it other than i’m emo. 

nesta saving cassian. again i don’t have shit to say about it other than like it makes me so emotional.  she just started blinding screaming, hoping that he would come. i can’t even begin to think what his death would have done to her.

the bone carver smiling at feyre before he did hits a very specific piece of my heart and i’m not sure why or what but i had chills all over my body. 

cassian telling rhys to let him return the favor/repay the debt. HURT. another thing i cried over. like shut the fuck cassian AIN’T NOBODY DYIN TODAY. 

tHE Nessian moment to end all nessian moments when they would die together. like big fucking wow. you can’t tell me they’re not mates. that they don’t love each other despite how complicated all of it is. like cassian is so soft in the most unique way for her because he knows she bites and he lets her and he bites back and i just think it’s what he needs.

“tell the high lord to leave out a cup for me” AMREN SHUT UP. like fucking christ i teared up then too because i really really love her character. she’s unique and funny and dry and cranky and i just love her so much. 

i’m tired of rhys sacrificing himself. there, i said it. i cried like a fucking baby and of course he woke up being a snarky little shit.

i love the end of this book. i don’t know what i’ll do with myself until january when the next one comes out. i’ll probably go back to the other format for my next read through because it’s easier and less longwinded and i think you guys liked the other way better. anywho, thank you for coming along on this lil journey!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #229

“goddamn, need some help, ‘cuz my girlfriend’s in love with someone else.”

What would you consider to be the worst television channel out there? Idk. I don't watch TV. Are you currently sitting on your bed or some other place? Where? I'm lying in my bed. Have you ever had anyone drop off animals at your house? What kind? No. When was the last time you were somewhere that offered free Wi-Fi? Today/technically yesterday but w/e. My school offers it free, but the connection isn't strong. Do you know anyone who is on drugs? Are you personally on them? I mean, I know people with prescriptions of course. If you mean illicit drugs, yes. I don't take them. Name one interesting fact about yourself that people might not know about? Uhhhh I used to be a dancer. Do you ever have to write down a phone number to remember it, or not? Oh yeah, I don't even have my own phone number memorized. Who was the last person you talked to on an instant messaging service? Hm. Oh, Facebook says the friend of my sister whose wedding I shot. I did it like, two or three or so years ago and she wanted to know if I had the raw photos I took, and I'd literally JUST cleaned out my OneDrive a couple days ago, so they were deleted. Talk about bad timing. What color are your curtains? Are you satisfied with this color? Maroon. Yeah. Does your phone have texting? How many times a day do you text, estimate? Yeah, and I don't have a clue. Sara and I generally text all throughout the day. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Uhhh over a year ago or something. Was the only time. It was just a bumblebee. Do you know anyone personally who had their house burn down before? Yes. Do you think the media can further manipulate our teenagers anymore? Ohhhh, I'm sure it could get even worse. Who would you consider to be your favorite American Idol on the show? I've watched so little of that show. Do you know anyone who has their septum pierced? Does it look painful? I know two, off the top of my head. And I mean, a piercing is a needle shoved into your skin. It's obviously painful to a degree. I'd imagine the septum to be more painful than a lot considering the thick cartilage. Has anyone ever complimented you on your singing? Did you believe them? Yeah, and I dunno. I don't generally like my singing voice, but I think I sing some songs okay. Do you know someone who constantly tries to embarrass you on all occasions? Omg no, I could never handle someone like that with how poorly I handle embarrassment. Has anyone ever kissed you in the rain? Did it seem romantic at the time? Yeah, and I guess, only really because it's an "accepted" thing as romantic. Something you're taught young. What is one part on your body that hurts at this moment, if anything? Nothing, at the moment. What was the last song you listened to? Did you enjoy this song? This metal medley I adore of Shadow of the Colossus pieces is on rn. What is your heritage? Do you have a bunch of mixed heritages? German, Irish, and Polish. When was the last time you listened to a genre of you music you despise? I didn't really *listen* to it, but some ass was blaring his rap music in FYS today. Have you ever tried the cinnamon challenge? NO, do NOT. That shit is noooot a joke. People have died. Do you ever countdown to anything? Not really, at least not seriously. Who was the last person to visit your house besides family? A friend of mine and Mom's, Randy. My rat Mitsu apparently fell or something, and her teeth were knocked crooked, and they became grossly overgrown and had to be clipped. He works at a wildlife rehab clinic and is overall just real experienced with animals. It was so awful though, seeing her like that. He's coming over about once a month now to keep them clipped; he's quite sure she has... damn, what was it? Metabolic bone disease (very common in rats), I think, that will push her teeth to keep growing. I can't remember exactly what he said, but. Are you allowed to watch rated R movies? I'm... nearing 24, lmao. How many bedrooms are in your house? Two. Do you see more of your mom or dad’s side of the family more? Mom's. I see both very rarely since they live states away, but yeah, Mom's. I haven't seen anyone in Dad's fam since I was a little kid. Are there any tattoos that you really want to get? lol got a few hours to talk? Do you really believe that everyone has a soul mate? Definitely not. You are compatible with sooooo many people. Do alligators scare you? I mean I wouldn't walk in front of one or anything, but as animals themselves, no. I think they're cool as fuck. Dinosaurs, man. Do you have abs? *ugly wheezing laughter* Have you ever been in detention? Twice I think, but only for too many tardies arriving at school. Do you believe in vampires? Uh no. Can you play the guitar? Not anymore. Have you ever kissed someone while they were dating someone else? Wow, no. Do you like hot dogs? Sadly. Are glasses a turn on or turn off for you? I don't care. Do you have a hot tub? Darling we poor. Would you ever try one of those dating websites? I like to pretend that one time NEVER fucking happened. I very much doubt I would again. Do you like to be tickled? Ew no don't. When’s the last time you flew a kite? Not since I was little. Do you ever take a bath and eat food at the same time? ... Does anyone do that?? Do you hate long surveys? No, I prefer them. I just do them over time. Gives me something to do... and I also don't spam where I share them. Do you like the taste of blood? UM no. Has anyone ever given you flowers? Yeah. When was the last time you swam in a lake? Wowie, I couldn't possibly guess. Who was the first friend you made in Junior High? That's a good question. Maybe Hannia? If you could learn any language, what would it be? GERMAN. I wanna be fluent. When was the last time someone asked you your age? Uhhh idk. Have you ever been on a train? No. Has anyone ever tried to physically fight you? No, but one girl literally told me she almost punched me. I used to hate her more than anyone in the world because she's Jason's ex and really hurt him, and yet now we're friends, lmao. Oh, how things can change. When was the last time you were angry? Last night because my headache wouldn't fuck off. What’s your worst subject in school? Math. I'm failing like, badly. What’s your favorite genre of music? Metal. Have you ever been called too skinny? OH MOST DEFINITELY NOT. Do you prefer analog or digital clocks? Analog clocks are way more aesthetically pleasing, but digital are more convenient. Do you have any stickers decorating your computer? Bruh I have tape, get on my fckng level. Tell me about the last nightmare you remember having. It was about seeing my grandma, who's really beginning to suffer from her chemo. What snacks do you usually get at the cinemas? Popcorn and a drink, then rarely a candy. Usually Sour Patch Kids. What scent is the deodorant you use? That's. A good question. I haven't payed attention. What did you last receive in the mail? The book Sara sent me. What is your favorite kind of fruit? Strawberries. How far away do you live from your place of birth? Like... 10-ish minutes? Have you ever been in a police car? Only when being transferred from the ER to psyche hospitals. How do you mark through your word search puzzles? I draw a line through them. Or circle them. Depends on the font and size, really. Have you ever sewn something? Idk how to sew. Name a CD you have or one you would like to have. Ha ha, the very first CD I personally bought was the "You're Awful, I Love You" album by Ludo. When I knew like, only three songs, ahaha. Have you ever watched an episode of Barney? I loved him as a kid, so, y'know. Can you name more than five U.S. presidents? Yeah, but I definitely don't know a lot. Are any of your neighbors’ yards in desperate need of a grass cutting? No. Do you still have your tonsils? Yessir. What does your mother’s wallet look like? What about your dad’s? Idk. I don't pay attention to Mom's and I very rarely see Dad. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My mom and one of my school advisors. And people who walked into the library. Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again? He may still want to be, idk. It doesn't matter though. Does your ex hate you? The only ex I have that I think might is Jason. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you can talk to? Girt. Does anyone call you babe? Sara sometimes. Is your school’s mascot an animal? Yes. All my schools' were, lol. What would happen if you were stuck in an elevator with the person you’ve fallen the hardest for? I don't want to imagine it. Do you think that hair extensions and colored contacts make a person fake? Oh my god. Where do your hands go during kissing? I mean that. Depends. Generally just around a person's sides. Conservative or liberal? I'm such a mix. Do you have unlimited texting? Ye. Were you ever in the spelling bee? Never been a part of one. Do you dress suggestively? No. A very explicit song you’ve listened to recently? Ahaha, "Love Rhymes With Fuck You" by Jeffree Star is on right now and it is. Intense. When did you last see someone you know in public? Errrrr good question. Do you think you’d survive if zombies took over the world? Hell no. If you were to write a novel, what would it be about? The meerkat RP I've done since I was 10. My friends and I have made novels upon novels worth of stories. Are you currently pretending to be someone’s friend? No. Are you an impatient person? YEP!!!!!!!!! Are you afraid to watch movies that have sex scenes with your friends? Friends, no. It's awkward with family, though. Who sings the last song you listened to? Jeffree Star. Have you ever had a serious issue involving your eyes? No, other than being a blind mfkr. Have you ever watched South Park? Who’s your favorite character? Yes. Don't have one as I don't really care for it. Do you have sensitive teeth? Yes. Does it bother you to get shots in the mouth? Does it hurt? Nah. And I mean at the dentist they numb you, so not really. When did you last talk seriously with one of your parents? I have no clue. Does anyone ever say they miss you often? Sara. I mean we talk all the time, but she means like, physically being there. Would you rather become a wizard or a vampire, if you had the choice? Idk. I like vampires more, but a wizard sounds funner. Have you already moved out of your parents’ house? I've talked about the apartment situation enough. Are your parents divorced, married or separated? Divorced. Have you ever thought you might just have obsessive compulsive disorder? I'm diagnosed with it. Do you think it’s rude to text someone else while on a date? YEAH. What is the funniest movie you’ve ever seen? White Chicks never fails to get me. Has one of your websites ever quit operating or shut down? Were you sad? Recently the site I used to upload large .gifs I needed to use online shut down & I'm still mega tilted. There's probably others. Who is the person you talk to the most in your house? I only live with my mom. Is there a television show out there that you never miss? No. What movie have you seen too many times to be healthy? Ha ha, The Lion King I & 2 and Finding Nemo. What is your biggest responsibility in your household? Take care of my pets. How cold did it get where you live, last winter? Idr. Very, for NC anyway. Do you ever wonder what your exes are doing? I only ever wonder about Jason. Have you ever been caught in a huge lie with your parents? Never told a biggie lie to 'em. Ever ride in a limo? When did you last do so? No. Are you sober at the time being? Yeah. Have you ever lied to someone & said they could sing when they couldn’t? Possibly? Are you more tolerant of hot or cold weather? Describe a time when you were extremely cold? Describe a time when you were extremely over-heated? I handle the cold far, FAR better. I physically cannot last very long in like, even 80 degrees. The coldest I've probably ever been was when Sara and I were walking once up at her house and it was really windy. I think the absolute most over-heated I've been was when I was taking bridal shots of my sister's friend outside in the summer for a long long time. I was nearly to the point of tears and was absolutely soaked in sweat. When we got back in the car, I literally finished at least three water bottles in a very short period of time. I think I even downed half of another. What was something weird that you did as a child? Did anyone make fun of you for it? Were there any other children you knew who did the same thing? I actually created this trend in elementary school of digging tunnels in the sandbox with my hands because I wanted to feel like a meerkat, lol. No one made fun of me, I think? And as stated it kinda became a thing, so yeah, there were others. What has been the hardest thing about growing up? What was the easiest thing about it? Was there ever a time when you wanted to stay young forever? Was there ever a time when you wished that you could be older? Accepting my mental illnesses was by far the hardest. Easiest, uh... idk. Enjoying more freedom? There was definitely a time I wanted to be a kid forever; I remember I criiiied when I got my period for the first time because I didn't feel like one anymore. Simultaneously, there were certainly times I wanted to be older. Who was the last person you yelled at? Do you often yell at this person? Are you on good terms with them again, or are you still upset with them? I practically roared at Mom for pulling the rudest shit on me like a month or so back. I definitely don't yell at her a lot. We're on good terms now, yeah. If you work, do you get along with your coworkers? Which one of them have you known the longest? Is your current place of work somewhere that you plan to stay for a long time? Sadly no, so these questions are N/A. Name three items that have much sentimental value to you. Who gave you these items, and for what occasion? Do you ever have a harder time throwing away things that people have given you? My pebble from Holly Hill, my childhood plush moose Brownie that I got in Ohio, and the stuffed meerkat Jason gave me. It's not really because of it being from him, but rather because it comforted me deeply after the break-up. The little guy is so worn from all the love I gave it. I do have a hard time getting rid of things people give me. Who do you speak with more often: your online friends, or those that you see face-to-face? Of which type of friend do you have more? Which of those friendships do you value the most? Online to all three questions. Are you often misunderstood, or do you think that people can get where you are coming from pretty well? Do you think that you have a good ability to understand others? If yes, explain? Eh, idk, really. I feel like I don't communicate how I feel well enough, but I think people understand me decently. Most, anyway. I know I'm pretty good and relating to people. When was the last time that you had a headache? What did you do, if anything, to help it feel better? Which is worse for you: headaches or stomach aches? As previously mentioned, last night. I took medicine, but it was sleep that actually helped. AND I CANNOT DEAL WITH STOMACH ACHES. Gimme a headache over that shit any day. Have you ever had a crush on someone you met online? If yes, what happened between you and that person? Do you think that online relationships are legitimate relationships? Yes, and we're dating now lol. And of course I do!! Out of all of your past friendships and romantic relationships, which one was the worst? If that person were to show up at your place, would you be willing to talk to them? Friendship: Colleen. No, I wouldn't talk to her. Romantic: Tyler, but I mean sure, I'd talk to him. Well, Jason was the traumatic one, but the *relationship*, on my end, was a fairytale. It was the breakup that was... yeah, y'all know. Yeah, I'd be willing to talk to him, but quite honestly I'd probably end up collapsing into a sobbing heap because yeah PTSD. If any, how many friends have you made in the past year? How many have you lost? Is making friends something at which you are good, or does it take you awhile to form friendships? I've made a couple friends online, and I lost none, I think anyway. I can be someone's friend very easily, but it's the trust that really takes a while. If you are 18 or older, did reaching your 18th birthday make you feel like you were an adult? If not, what moment (or moments) made you feel like you were finally maturing? I don't remember, honestly. As a kid, did your parents force you to eat everything on your plate? If you had them, how did you feel about family meal times? If you were to have children, would you have structured meals with them? Well, Mom tried, but my picky ass usually won, lol. Some days I miss family dinners, other days I'm glad to do my own thing. If I were to have kids, I'd probably want to have family dinners, really. What was the last new thing that you tried? What is something you did a long time ago that you might like to do again? I don't know. I don't try new things often. From my past... I dunno. It's too late to think of all this stuff. What is your least favorite part about going to the doctor? What about going to the dentist? Which of those people would you rather see? THE GODDAMN WAIT. My dentist is usually pretty quick, so that's not typically a problem there. Instead, I fucking hate when I have to get x-rays done because I have a very small mouth, and the things they stick in your cheeks to bite down on are always way too big for me. I have to use a size down from adults. Do you ever take care of anyone younger than you (ie. babysitting, watching a younger sibling, etc)? Do you like doing this, or does it get to be a hassle? No, and hell no.

[rezilient-m3]

Dec 12

So, a lot of changes has happened since my grandma's funeral. We came home that Monday. My sister C ended up getting sick with liver failure, from taking a shit ton of Tylenol & drinking herself stupid for years. This I will come back to.

In our home, Alex got upset at my eldest girl, T again (on the 29th). Flat out said to me, in front of all the kids, mind you, that "either he's going or she does." I said "okay, we'll go." I was so upset. I cried a little. Then, got busy on my computer. I looked for jobs and rentals. And I slept on the couch, without really saying anything to Alex. I told my girl, she shouldn't worry, but she did. I seen it in her face. That was the piss off part. Like, how dare you threaten our security, once again, especially knowing this is the one thing she's terrified of. Like, my kid has had it rough. She grew up problematic and got shit taken out on her. Her step-mom would tell her how bad she is, call her a bitch within hearing range, and always kick them out of her house. So, understandably, she has issues with trusting that she'd be welcomed here no matter what. He should know these things. He should know we have to try to make her feel wanted, and loved, and secure for her to start changing her behaviours. So, why say that shit to her? Geez.

Anyways, next day I went out and viewed a place, emailed a bunch of other ones AND got an interview. Alex carried on asking me if I was leaving, I said I'm trying to, he says I shouldn't "but should try to make her act better." 😒 Boy, I wanted to scream. I didn't tho. I'm so non-confrontational and that sucks about me, so I didn't say much. I slept on the couch again. Following day, he asks why I slept on the couch again. So, again, that bothered me, but I didn't say anything. We ended up carrying on, like nothing happened. I bet our counselor is gonna have a field day with that one, cuz I wrote to her the night of complaining about everything. I really thought we'd leave. Lol. But I didn't get the houses. "Too many kids" and no job. I tried to explain I was good for the money, which I would have been. Not the point tho, they can't just trust my word. Lol. Understandable. 🤷‍♀️ Weird thing about all of this whole situation is, I felt completely fine and maybe a little bit relieved at the thought of being on my own with my kids. I hated the thought of leaving my youngest here, and sharing him. But still, that thought bugs me now cuz I'm still here. Wondering what it means? Lol. Shit. Plus, he left for work. Today is Sat, he left Sunday. Even that, I was okay with him being gone. I get to chill out with my kids not worrying about him losing it again. He'll be back after Christmas break starts. On the 20th, I think. We still msg everyday, telling each other we love each other. Cuz we do, I don't doubt that. It's just all a bit confusing. We'll work on it. 🤞

I got the job tho. 😁 I'm a EA sub for the city's school division. I got the interview on the 4th, I got everything I needed to hand in that Monday the 7th, started working on the 10th. Could have been the 8th, but I put start day for the 9th, then said I was unavailable lol. But, main thing is I'm working now. Like, for real. Crazy. I'm 32, with my first real ass, legit ass job. I was emotional that first drive up to the city. Thinking about how differently I felt bout myself. It may not seem like much to most, but hf, I did it.! And best part is, the city is short on EAs apparently, so my boss offered me a contract, starting in Jan. She offered me before I even got dispatched, so that was on Wed. So, I'm waiting. Hoping I can get papers signed before the province decides to shut down schools again. Cuz everyone thinks they will. 😬 But we will see.

I'll either be saving for being ready to go out on my own, OR a life with Alex for an extension on our house. I hope it's all of us for the rest of one of our lives lol. But I just never know. I could be in love with him one moment, and the next, he just kills it with the shit he says. So, idk. I'll be ready for whatever.

& moving onto my sister. After the funeral, she went to the clinic, got sent to the closest hospital, then flown out here to the major hospital. They out her to sleep and breathing tube. She's had liver & kidney damage, and something about her gall bladder. (Idk how relevant this is, but this be the one that Alex first started dating, before we met lol). But we all thought we were gonna lose her. I was scared. Some how, she pulled through,and woke up after 10 days. She stayed in ICU for 3 or 4 days. Those days I was allowed to go visit. Then, last Thursday, she got moved to a floor where they'd monitor her, but ell enough to get out of ICU. What does she do? Check her damn self out of the hospital. And what did I do? Go fricken get her. This is the weekend Alex found out he was leaving, so we were really busy. I had no time to drop what I was doing to drive her home. She ended up staying on my couch for the weekend. Holy fuck, did she ever turn yellow. I was mad at her. But I still drove her home. I took her, and picked up my niece to come help me, so I can start working. Idk how she's doing. She says she's fine, but who knows for real? She has an appointment with the doctor on Monday. But that gets me mad. Like, try fucking living. We're all not ready to lose you woman. But, who really is "ready", right? Idk. We'll see.

And moving onto James' news. I found out from my girl's step sister, that he's been living at his grandma's. The same grandma that caused me so much stress in my life. Lol jk. I'll try not play the blame game. But, that bitch. (Srynotsry). So, I tried to call the lead investigator to tell her what I know. She was busy. That was 2 days ago. She was supposed to call me back but hadn't yet. Bitch, her too lol. Ugh, why do ppl suck?

And in other news, I got a ticket for being on my cell today. I might lose my.license for 30 days from being convicted. Long story, but I have a history of tickets. Got to a pint where, if I lose 2 or 3 more demerits, I get suspended. So, what to go dummy. My master plan is to drag it out and hopefully lose it during the summer months, so I could at least keep working. Idk man. Out of all the good things happening for me lately, it all went down the drain when this happened earlier today. I still feel like shit about it. Wondering whats gonna happen. I'm honestly scared. Fml.

But that's all I got for now. A lot to unload, and probably did a shit job telling it. Lol. But I'm tired. It was a long day, my dudes. G'night. ✌

[briannasroger]

Hackers and Hijinks (ch.1)

pairing: nalu words: ~4200 rated T for language probs.  note: don’t steal if you can avoid it, kids~ also, decided to publish this on a whim. next update? idk, but I know this won’t be very long. Four chapters max.  read on ff.net. 

summary: There’s thieves and then there’s Thieves. Know the distinction because while thieves might steal your pants, Thieves will ruin your life. Lucy Heartfilia, solo hacker code-name Ashley, has no reason to ruin anyone’s life till her odd new team takes up a job a little too close. 

-- aka the leverage au no one asked for --

Her computer was a beaten up old thing that Lucy had built from scratch and when she turned it on, it gave an awful sort of roar before she tapped the tower with her toes gently. It spluttered and then calmed to a low hum as it began to boot up. She straightened up, stretching her arms as she waltzed to the fridge on the other side of her apartment. It would take a gracious minute for Crux to load up and her stomach ached for sustenance after the lackluster food of her last job. Chips and bottled soda were useful in moderation, but for three days while she tried to crack a code that was prehistoric was disgusting. She pat her stomach, grimacing, as she resolved to do a few extra sit-ups in her workout regnum -- whenever she got around to doing that, of course. It was like they expected her figure to stay this way through vigorous workouts rather than healthy eating choices.

She considered cereal, just to be lazy and rush back to her computer, but Crux was still humming, the noise similar to a snore, and it was still on the logo screen. Perfect. It left plenty of time for her to make some scrambled eggs and toast. She mouthed a song as she made her food and when it was done a few minutes later, she deposited it onto a paper plate and made her way back to her desktop.

"Good job, Crux," she said, setting her plate aside to free her hands. Old Crux wasn't useful for missions on the go; it was too heavy and complicated for travel, but most of her work from home was done on Crux. With its extensive passwords designed to give her system time to delete anything and everything if someone didn't type one of the passwords right, it was the safest place in the world for her to keep record of things without fear of someone getting a hold of it.

All prepared, Lucy munched on some of her eggs, opening a document to write on and adding some information from her last job. Nobody required her reports, but she kept careful track of everything she did, from who sent her the job (Nab) to how much she got for it (10,000 jewel) to what she had to do (hack into some CEO's computer and send along the incriminating files to his now ex-wife's new business and then erasing all of it from existence) to how long it had taken (roughly three days, most of which had been spent erasing all of it from some websites that pushed her from performing a slightly illegal act to an entirely illegal act).

It wasn't a fun objective, but the jewel was worth it, especially since her rent was coming up soon. Very soon, she thought with a grimace, her eyes falling to the calendar where one week from today was circled in green ink. She didn't have quite enough and she didn't know if there was anything else for her to do in that short amount of time. Hacking wasn't as easy as it looked on television -- it required dedication, patience,

Lucy tapped her nails on the desk, shoveling a bite of eggs into her mouth, doing a mental tally of how much she had received in the last few weeks. Definitely, definitely -- one of her jobs had paid her quite a bit to hack to disable a security system long enough for one of their hand-selected thieves to steal a priceless harp and run for it. Lucy pumped the air, relieved, and whirled around in her seat to face Plue, a medium sized, white haired dog that eyed her with something like amusement. "Ugh, can you imagine if I hadn't done that job? I was worried about working with someone, but without it, I would be about 10,000 jewel short!"

Plue barked and then growled.

She frowned, turning in her seat to face him. "No, she didn't, I think I would remember that, Plue!"

He growled again.

"Definitely not, she wouldn't- OH NO, SHE DID!" Lucy eyes had landed on the computer screen, where her meticulous notes told her plain as day where a 35,000-jewel job was dropped down to 15,000. In the notes along the side, she could read the simple IDIOT in green text in a tab labeled notes. Lucy dropped her forehead onto the table, narrowly avoiding a collision course with her plate of eggs and wailed. "She only paid me half!"

Plue wagged his tail.

Lucy shot him a look. "Don't look so smug. If I get kicked out, so do you."

He whined.

"That's what I thought. C'mon, buddy, we're going for a walk and we need to move fast."

...

If there was one thing that Lucy hated about her lifestyle -- other than the fact that it was entirely unethical -- was how little she could predict the shortcomings for it. Nobody told her the day she ran away from her father would end up with her put those long hours spent learning the craft under a hand-selected tutor's eyes to good use, but not by creating top of the line security in a constantly changing market. No, she was using every skill and bit of knowledge to worm her way through each of those security measures her father loved. It was a fun job usually, her own pickiness kept her from straying too far down the wrong moral spectrum, but the money was few and far between no matter what she did.

It, perhaps, didn't help that her job had very specific requirements. She was a hacker, damn it, not the person who handled fighting people like a beater and not adept at adopting personas like a grifter and she couldn't pull off the dedication of a thief. Even in this technological age, most jobs required something of the other three and Lucy didn't really want to learn how to do any of them. Well, not to the same extent as others who fine-tuned the craft as well as she did hacking.

Sometimes she wondered if the lifestyle change from heiress to Thief (capital T because it wasn't the same thing as thief), but then she imagined her father fuming in his large, loveless manor as he tried to keep her betrothed in the dark and the hassle was worth the freedom.

"Come on, Plue, we're almost there," she said, trying to sound cheerful for both their sake's as she led him down a dimly lit street at midnight.

The cobbled road was worn and cracked, making her stumble often in her haste, but she didn’t notice as she picked her up again, eyes focused on an ugly, green-bricked building across the street. A rickety sign of florescent red hung from proclaimed it to be the tavern Twilight Ogre. It was a sign of her desperation that she made a beeline for the door, grimacing at the custom ogre head they had for a handle. She shoved it open, the creak of the doors like a gunshot, but nobody heard over the blaring sound of some sport playing on a television in the corner. The tavern was at full capacity for a Wednesday night, but all the better for her, that would mean her target was nearby. The woman only ever came in when the place was busy.

Her eyes narrowed, fingers fisting around Plue’s leash when he strained, lips curling up in a snarl at another patron’s barking dog. A dog easily twice his size; no doubt it would be taller than her on its hindlegs. If she hadn’t been terrified at the idea of wandering down a dark street with only mace and some rudimentary self-defense skills, she wouldn’t have even brought him. The other dogs would eat Plue in a heartbeat. She pulled him away, heading for a slightly less busy corner of the tavern and crouched to rub his head, murmuring soothing words till his growls dropped to a whine.

“I know, buddy, but we’re desperate,” she said, giggling when he licked her face. She shoved him away after a final pat and straightened. She scanned the crowd, passing over the woman in the corner till the sequin on her blue bikini flashed under the lights very briefly. It was just enough to draw Lucy’s attention back to her and grin. The woman smiled back, tightening a jacket over her top once more as Lucy stepped around a few people to reach her.

“People are going to ask questions if you keep showing up here,” the woman said, nursing a glass of booze. She was average height with wavy brown hair and dark eyes. Though the smile on her face was a picture of innocence, the tilt of her head suggested thoughtfulness. Like an animal examining a new threat. “I thought you didn’t want part of this mess?”

“I don’t. Whatever you and your team are trying to do with this place is up to you, I already gave you the files,” Lucy replied exasperated. “I’m not here as competition, Cana”

Cana’s face lit up. “Well, you never know these days, I heard just the other day that the Thunder Legion cut ties with the rest of their team.” Lucy bit her tongue, trying not to get drawn into the gossip. Then, satisfied that Lucy wouldn’t be stepping in on the current job, Cana leaned forward to say, “Even heard that Phantom Lord is heading this way.”

Unable to resist, Lucy dropped into the booth beside her. Plue’s leash was loose in her hand and any other time, she would worry, but he settled himself on her feet protectively beneath the table and stared out. “No way?” She asked, gaping. “They haven’t been seen this far north since-- “

“Since that whole issue with their element team getting their asses handed to them,” Cana said, smug. Her plans were the ones that lead them to it and Lucy didn’t bother piping in about her own contribution. There were some secrets that she would take to the grave and her ties with Phantom Lord was one of them. “They must have finished licking their wounds and are looking for new territory in Bosco.”

“Or maybe a job?”

“Nah, there’s too many people out here with game already and most of us know what they can do, nobody is stupid enough to call for them. Maybe desperate, but I haven’t heard anything like that, they would have gone snooping around somewhere for me to hear,” she said, tapping the table thoughtfully. “Bosco seems like the best bet, they lost too many good players to try again and nobody is going to trust a leader that loses his entire crew.”

“True,” Lucy agreed. Then she shook her head. “I’m not here to gossip!”

“Figured, you would have been more interested in the first bit. What are you here for?”

Lucy bit her lip. It was one thing to have the epiphany in her apartment among the comfort of her home and the desperation to keep things the way they were, but in the bar, confronting her, felt a little like Lucy was selling her soul to the devil. But then it would surely be a death sentence to end up on the streets now when her father’s nose poked out of every other sanctuary. Mind made up, she settled her hands in her lap beneath the table to hide the nervous fidgeting. “I… need a job.”

Cana grimaced, lowering her drink to the table. “I don’t have any for you right now, I’d have to take a look. And I can’t ditch this job for another day or two at the soonest, maybe a week at the most.” Lucy didn’t believe in teams, but contacts were a different story. The only way to make it anywhere in the world – whether that be the vapid politics of her father’s world or the morally questionably portion of Lucy’s – was to know people.

Lucy and Cana’s friendship extended to any last-minute hacking that Cana needed at the drop of a hat and Cana passing along jobs that her own team wasn’t doing or planning to do. They were both runaways, she figured that was why they got along so well, even Cana didn’t necessarily know about the similar stories between them.

“Next week would be too late. My rent is due soon and I’d still need time to do the actual job,” Lucy whined. “You don’t have anything?”

For a moment, Cana’s face was hard and unrelenting, but then a shadow passed over her face and she grimaced, ducking her head down. “I do, but you’re not going to like it.”

Lucy slumped. “I’m desperate, but I’m still not going to become a murderer.”

“What? No! We’re Thieves, not death dealers and I wouldn’t recommend a job that bad,” Cana said, aghast. “I meant that I have a team in need of a hacker since their last one ran for it again -- and you’d be perfect for this job.”

Again? How many hackers did this team lose on a daily basis? Wait…  

“A team?” Lucy’s brow furrowed. The last one she worked on was the whole reason she was stuck here, groveling for help, and she certainly didn’t want a repeat of that mess. …you’re not going to like it. She froze, eyes widening. “Oh, no, please don’t tell me it isn’t— “

“Yup.”

How desperate was she?

Beneath the table, Plue whined and she groaned, knowing the answer.  “Shit. Fine. Whatever. What’s the job?”

…

Meetings were, in her opinion, one of the worst parts of the job. First impressions were crucial and a bad one could make or break a job when it came to meeting clients – no one wanted to add a hacker that looked as though a strong wind would knock them over, not unless they had the notoriety of Levy McGarden, a hacker who was as deadly as she was small.

First impressions were easy with clients, she had managed to charm enough of them for the brief moments of speaking that she didn’t worry. But a team? People she would be working with for an indefinite amount of time?

She blew a curled strand of blonde hair out of her face, waiting for the rest of her team to arrive. After leaving Cana the night before, she had hurried home to set up a go-bag and Plue for a few days with her neighbor before collapsing in an uneasy sleep, waiting for Cana to send her the meeting spot. She had thought going to sleep at 7pm had been early, but when the text came at midnight to meet them after dawn at the port south of the city, she had been grateful for the extra sleep.

Not so much for the rush job to get herself ready to meet them with a portion of her gear in tow. With first impressions on the mind, Lucy had curled her hair and dabbled in her too expensive for daily use make-up before tossing on a yellow jean skirt, a fitted green tank-top, and her favorite pair of brown boots. Cute yet casual and - the most important part - easy enough to sprint in. She didn’t think Cana would set her up, but she hadn’t made it this far by being so trusting.

When half an hour passed without anyone’s arrival, Lucy almost bolted with that exact panic in mind. She held herself in place, poise in her stance, hiding the rising anxiety when the murmur of voices echoed in her ears.

Good news: Cana wasn’t setting her up.

Bad news: Cana hadn’t been joking when she said her team was with him.

“Hey, I know you!” He said, a fanged grin on his face as he left behind a scowling dark-haired man. “Not sure where. Have you stolen from me before?”

“No.”

“Have I stolen from you?”

“In a way,” she answered honestly, crossing her arms. “And I was hoping Cana was joking when she said it was you.” Her sigh made the other man laugh.

“Cool,” he laughed. “No hard feelings?”

She didn’t reply. It wasn’t the first time she had worked with Natsu Dragneel – it wasn’t even the first time she had worked with him this month. A note labeled idiot stood out in her mind, though it was hard to attach that thought with the cheerful smile on his face.

It was her first time seeing him in person rather than through pictures. He was taller than her by quite a few inches with the muscles and build of someone who could easily be a beater and she admittedly found it hard to focus when he wore a vest instead of a shirt, exposing his toned stomach to the world. She tore her gaze away, narrowing her eyes on his hair instead. It was a bright pink, spiked away from his green eyes – it was the exact opposite look for someone who was a thief. Maybe that was why he sucked at it so much, she thought, remembering her docked pay.

She added, “It makes sense that I’m working with you since it’s your fault I’m in this mess anyway.”

Natsu blinked. “Eh?”

“We worked on the harp case together. You know, the one where you went against the plan. I’m short on rent now,” she said, rubbing her face.

“No way. That was you?”

“How do you remember me but not from where? There were pictures of the team before you signed on!”

“I didn’t look at it much, I was more focused on getting the harp,” he admitted, scratching his chin.

“As lovely as this reunion is, we should get down to business, we’re already running low on time and I’d rather figure this out before we get on the train,” cut in the other man. Lucy blinked, remembering the other two. The man who spoke was easily the tallest of the team, seeming to stare down at them with narrowed blue eyes and an icy frown on his face. As though he could think of better place to be than here. A woman wearing a bullet-proof vest and a skirt stood beside him, a cool look on her face and a cascade of scarlet hair falling down her back.

“Fine, fine,” said Natsu. “That’s Gray and that’s Erza, they’ll be working with us on this job as well.”

Lucy froze in place. The name Gray wasn’t as familiar to her, but Erza Scarlet was a legend in her own right and it took everything in Lucy’s power not to squeal at the sight of her. She settled on a dazzling smile, hoping to convey her admiration for the woman in her handshake. Erza returned it firmly, crushing her fingers, and Lucy hid a wince, wondering what she had done to offend her already.

Then Erza smiled, a bright beautiful thing that transformed her entire face. It was hard to imagine that someone who looked so kind could beat up a squad of 100 men by herself. “We’re happy to be working with you, welcome to the team,” said Erza, releasing her hand. “I’m afraid I didn’t have time to ask Cana your name?”

“Pleasure. I’m Ashley,” Lucy said, the lie falling from her lip easily. It’s easier to use her middle name than trust them with her secret. They were thieves -- wshe didn’t know the price they would need to give her up, but she knew everyone had one. She shook her fingers, trying to regain feeling. “So, what are we doing? I wasn’t really told anything about the plan other than the fact that we aren’t going to murder anyone.”

“With Erza here, that might be a little unlikely to hope,” Gray muttered to Natsu, who nodded vigorously before seeming to realize who spoke. Lucy ignored them as they began scowling at each other, focusing on Erza instead.

“I need you to dig up everything you can on a man named Jiemma,” Erza instructed, sinking down onto the bench beside her while Lucy unfolded a notepad for notes. “We don’t know much about him, not even a last name, but he’s the current guild leader for Sabertooth.”

Lucy’s pen jolted, a blob of ink streaking across the page. Sabertooth was a well-known law firm on the outside, but everyone who was anyone knew it acted as a base of operation for a group of freelancers who did any number of jobs for money. Some within the bounds of the law, some not. It wasn’t unlike Fairy Tail, another group of freelancers, who specialized more in stealing back from other thieves; they were a bunch of Robin Hood’s. It was a mentality that Lucy could appreciate after escaping from her father’s uncompromising will, but a naïve one. People didn’t just join Fairy Tail, nobody even knew where they were headquartered. Hell, she didn’t even know people in Fairy Tail, she had only ever seen their calling card once.  

But Sabertooth… They were the only guild to be out in the open and it was well-known who the mastermind behind it was.

Lucy found her words. “How? I thought the leader was someone named Eucliffe.”

The smile dropped from Natsu’s face like a stone. The group shared an indescribable look, communicating silently with their eyes and Lucy glanced away from the uncomfortable team moment. She was aware, now more than ever, that they had been a team together for a while. Her contribution was last minute and in the dark. Her only job was to hack, to give them information – it didn’t matter who the mark was or why they were after them either.

“Never mind,” Lucy started, raising her notepad again to continue the debriefing, but Natsu cut across her.

“Sting’s the client, we’re here to clear his name and prove that Jiemma is a crackpot old fool before word gets out too far,” he explained slowly, adjusting a checkered scarf around his neck. Briefly, she caught glimpse of a large, faded scar that stretched from one half to the other, like a botched beheading, before it was covered once more. She forgot about it in the next second, biting back the urge to ask what Sting’s charges were, but half afraid that they would deny her the knowledge. Natsu, unnoticing or uncaring, continued, “It would be bad if people found out he wasn’t the master anymore.”

“Bad is an understatement,” Gray said, kicking at the ground, his hands shoved into his pocket. “Sabertooth takes the heat off all the other guilds, nobody is going to look any deeper than them if another calling card comes up, but if Jiemma changes the game for the worse like he is then people are going to dig more.” Lucy felt cold just listening to him speak; she wouldn’t be in any danger from Sabertooth, her work was too independent, but the worry in his words, so different than the emotionless drivel of his introduction, made her feel as though a target was growing on her back by the second.

“Which is why we need to know everything about him,” interrupted Erza, punching her hand into the bench. Lucy swallowed her yelp as the wood splintered under Erza’s attack in a shower of shards, but Erza paid no more mind to it than her companions. “The only other thing we know about him is a connection to Jose Porla.”

Lucy stilled, a blot growing on her paper beneath Jose’s name, trying hard to keep the shock from showing on her face. At this rate, her page would be less notes and more of an artistic statement.

Erza brushed the dust from her gloves. Like Natsu, she seemed oblivious to Lucy’s reaction. “Eucliffe reported that he saw them hanging around together often before his fall. They were last seen in Crocus, which is where we’re heading together on the next train. How soon can you dig up everything on Jiemma and Jose?”

Lucy cleared her throat in an attempt to appear casual and hoped that Gray, with his narrowed eyes, would fall for it as easily as his companions. “Jiemma might take a little while, he might be the master of Sabertooth, but if this is recent, then he likely won’t be in any of their official files yet. I’ll need to do an independent search from the get-go. Jose Porla though… I actually know him already,” she said, her words growing sheepish when Erza frowned. Natsu’s mouth hung open, but she couldn’t tell if he was paying attention to their conversation or not.

“How?” Gray asked skeptically.

“I’ve done a job involving him before that went south, before Cana’s team took him down,” she lied, shrugging her shoulders. Gray nodded, placated. “It’s been a while, a year or two, so I’ll double check what I know, but he was quite comfortable the last time I saw him and he isn’t the type to change his routine.” Her fingers tightened around the pen, but she forced them to relax. No need to broadcast that her last encounter with Jose Porla had been only a week before she had changed her identity from Lucy Heartfilia, heiress, to Ashley, hacker.

Natsu’s eyes were too excited for her comfort. “What do you know?”

“Too much to tell you before the train gets here. You know, it’s a good thing we’re going to Crocus already. He’s based in Oaktown, but he’ll be in Crocus for business around this time, most of his type are. Might be able to take them both down before the day is up.” And she wondered, briefly, if Cana knew a lot more about Lucy than she ever confessed. After all, who would be more perfect for a job involving Jose Porla than the girl who ruined his life?