#I was fully prepared for the rickroll

[gremlin-boah]

https://youtu.be/TuBBJtDBfz0?si=4tde8V1ZMFbUBJ4t

He angy

I SWEAR IF THIS SHI IS A RICKROLL I—

Oh.

Actually, its not. Its just this lil guy.

This. Is a sonorous war cry of a very angry frog. *squeeek*

Ferocious.

Wait. A. Minute...

"MY NAME IS JOHN MARSTON‼️"

"I HAVE A GODDAMN PLAN‼️"

[lemondoddle]

what happens when you type into the computer (BOOK OF BILL SPOILERS)

HELLO THE WEBSITE HAS UPDATED and different things happen when you type things into the computer on the screen. if a character/word isnt relevant the computer gives a red X. so far i've found:

stanley: takes you to an ebay search for brass knuckles, entering his name repeatedly will take you to various grunkle-related eBay searches until you get to bill's wheel of shame with much more to click

mabel: adds stickers to the set. you can keep hitting enter until the the room has been "fully mabelized"

ford/sixer: a case file on ford's extra digits

soos: a long set of notes about how soos is doing running the mystery shack

dipper: a note presumably from bill to dipper "informing" him that he can decode messages by staring into the sun. if you enter his name multiple times bill urges you to keep looking with words of encouragement as each note becomes progressively blurry and splotched with black until the entire notecard turns black

bill: this youtube video (and no it's not a rickroll)

gideon: an audio recording plays of gideon humming/scatting to the tune of "we'll meet again", ending with a whispered message of "i love you, mabel"

wendy: a note pranking you with the the 👌 emoji

mcgucket/fiddleford: the cotton eye joe music video

pacifica: a warning note about the book of bill mabel made her write

robbie: chat messages between him and thompson as they prepare to summon bill (as mentioned in tbob) with an image of their encounter

tad strange: the computer plays clips of bread being sliced set to jazzy instrumentals. this enables the glowing red button on the computer to turn green to switch the bread videos on and off at will

blendin: a message appears on the screen reading "time agent lost and presumed incompetent"

weirdmagedon: a newspaper page from the gravity fall's gossiper utilising the "nevermind-all-that-" act and stating "nothing happened" that day

axolotl: text onscreen appears: "you ask alotl questions"

T.J. eckleburg: text onscreen appears: "never mention that name again"

cipher: links to a wikipedia page about triangles

blanchin: pulls up a youtube tutorial on how to blanche vegetables

triangle: one half of a parenthesis appears on the computer ")", will also pop up with "tri harder"

dippy fresh: links to this image

mystery shack: links to a google search for confusion hill

gravity falls: text appears onscreen reading "never heard of it"

portal: text appears onscreen reading "portal.exe has been deleted. i bet you could build one"

theraprism: a notice sign appears- "in case of (coded words) do not use elevators" with a graphic of a person and a cthulu like monster on stairs

blind eye: an eye chart utilising the same string of letters- "WKHBOOVHH" that gets smaller each line, paired with blocks of color- the cursor turns into a "zoom in" tool that actually just makes the page blurrier with each click

creepypasta/horror: an entry on the urban legend "the always garden"- a liminal space/backrooms style restaurant anomaly

alex hirsch: links to a google search for flannels

toby determined: links to a google search for restraining order

dorito/chip: a dorito slowly enlarges on the computer screen and then becomes a jumpscare of a toothy bill, who periodically screams for a bit before the video finishes

love/boyfriend/romance: pulls up the parody romance novel, clicking starts an audio recording of the book

death: text appears onscreen: "life's goth cousin"

book of bill: text appears onscreen: "hide it under shirt during pledge of allegiance"

life: text appears onscreen: "life: 72% complete. now loading: death"

baby/lalala: an ultrasound of a baby bill in a womb and a message congratulating you

pines: text appears onscreen: "a good family tree"

weird: a video of weird al yankovich appears on the screen, he's confused and shouts for bill to get him out of there

waddles: links to a pig adoption website

mickey/disney: text appears onscreen: "rat.gif censored for your protection"

ducktective: text appears onscreen reading "ducktective stars in 'love, quacktually', coming to 'oi, it's the cockney channel innit?' this fall"

mason: a note from dipper about ford teaching him anagrams, plus a coded message with that technique

tyrone/clone: a picture of the janky dipper clone with a message that he's yours now

matpat/game theory: a video of matpat and a conspiracy board, he turns to say "hello internet, you're on... you're own... good luck" as he holds the book of bill

skeleton: text appears onscreen: "the one with the sword! he found you!"

scary: pulls up a parody goosebumps book "spookemups", clicking on it starts an audio recording of neil cicierega reading a section

divorce: pulls up a logo for "o'sadley's'"

music: enables you to click the dial, clicking the dial plays loud static

math: bill recounting an encounter he had with plato

conspiracy: a video of charlie day in a tin foil hat rambling about the website's previous state, holding the book of bill

okay that's enough from me, there's SO MUCH MORE that I just can't keep up with!! Happy searching!

[phoenixcatch7]

Thinking about a 'sqq transmigrates (reincarnates) into dc' (specifically the jl because I don't know much about the rest), and who do you think would be funniest? I have narrowed it down to One but if anyone has anything better I'd love to hear it - Constantine, cap marvel and Manhunter were my top choices until:

Batman. Of course. Mainly because of the adoption problem and dozen kids with attachment issues, but also sqq spending his entire time internally shrieking I AM NOT CUT OUT FOR THIS I AM NOT PREPARED SYSTEM WHY DID YOU CHOOSE BATMAN. Trying so hard to fit the theme. Over preparing and stressing over every detail. A bit autism coded. 'I don't fall in love with anyone unless I choose to' wrong. 'You want me??? To?? Share my emotions?? My troubles??? I want to be a good parental figure but I would RATHER DIE'.

*internal sarcasm at local iq* *encyclopedic knowledge* *forgets he's not supposed to know everyone's identity*. "HOW DID YOH EVEN KNOW THAT??!!" 'oh I uh figured it out lol *bluffs sherlock style deduction*'. *repressed* 'Trauma? What trauma? I'm doing Great.'

Alfred is best man but sqq has been fundamentally a rich kid for THREE lifetimes now. He is unsavagable. Acts all high and mighty for the show but self esteem is garbage. UTTER COMMITMENT TO THE BIT at this point (way post svsss canon) I think sqq would genuinely implode if he didn't have a mask to show the public.

System has followed him of course and has him by the scruff of his neck every time he thinks about a more peaceful life. It has very high ooc standards as always until he first puts on the mask.

I can see superman taking over lqgs role a little. Casual friend and bestie. Always ready to help (and occasionally sky uber). Brawn to his brain but smarter than people give him credit for. Ultimate power team. Romantic tension through the roof but never wants anything more (and Bruce is completely oblivious anyway). Everyone sees it though.

Everyone assuming Bruce spent a huge amount of time training in some ultra secret Chinese mountain range (technically they're not wrong!) but no system sent him to the league of assassins he's just using the excuse to work on his cultivation. (talia tried SO HARD to seduce him but it failed utterly so she gave up and stole his dna while he was asleep (he woke up the next morning to a mission success notification and freaked)).

Unlike what his kids except, is fully caught up with memes. They hate it but that just makes him use them more. On the plus side he is susceptible to rickroll. Peak 'my darling child would NEVER how dare' at events. The only ones who know he had (has???) a husband pre reveal.

He teaches them all cultivation like a little qj peak but without the proper environment, which doesn't exist here, they're never going to reach immortality like him. He's fine about that, really :). He's accepted it. Either way that means pit influence doesn't stick, whoo!

Would like nothing more than to kill the joker :). System won't let him. He can't explain that to anyone :).

Meanwhile an lbh centuries old is Missing His Husband and Its Been MONTHS Where are his kisses from shizun??? But seriously WHERE IS HIS HUSBAND BLOOD WILL BE SPILT THE ONE WHO TOOK HIM WILL BE WIPED FROM THE FACE OF THE REALMS THEIR LIGAMENTS STREWN ACROSS THE NORTHERN DESERT AND THEIR ENTRAILS FED TO HYDRA VULTURES WHERE IS HE

Cue an enraged ancient demon emperor breaking through the walls of reality on a universe shattering rampage only for him to be batmans husband :). Who wants kisses.

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

https://www.tumblr.com/yuurei20/726475578528727040/in-preparation-for-the-upcoming-release-of-the?source=share

Here's some of it, it's not fully translated or anything op just translated so of the interesting stuff

🐱

They should let anons be able to put links again

Ty. I haven't been respondingbti too many asks rn as I am very sick and recivering

Also I think is great idea to show links as anon so ur ip doesn't get phished or worse– rickrolled

[peniscat]

Thought I was getting rick rolled with that link...... now I'm losing my mind over Shiv's broken voice aaaaaaaAAAAAAA

no rickrolling here at penisstar catco, i am absolutely losing my mind as well!!! i am fully preparing my guillotine....... tom wambsgans count your days

[citrusoc]

https://youtu.be/VN_WzpQgDtY important bird siren is going off you need to look at him now because it would beso cool

I was fully prepared for this to be a rickroll, thank you for blessing my ears with the sound of bird stomps

[lostmyshadesanon]

Happy Birthday Felix 🎂🎁 🎉🎊

@teyvat-writer

🦊 - Anon here!!! It's finally the day. I hope.

I have no idea what time zone you live in so I'm posting this a bit early just in case!

If it's still the 28th when you see this. Don't open it!

Let the anticipation build!

This should be the last part for our poor hydro archon, but I'm sure the most anticipated. Let's hope we can do it justice.

Mindbroken?Hydro!Archon!Male!Reader x FoulLegacy!Childe

Wouldn't it be funny if I put a rickroll here?

Or just an error message, lol.

But anyway moving on.

*

You feebly twitched as you felt Childe fuck you with his entire fist in your gaping hole. Leisurely opening and closing his hand as he ground his knuckles into your swollen prostate, and commented idly on your puffy rim.

By this point you could barely even feel when another orgasm was ripped from your soiled body, and your cock jerked underneath you.

Childe had been at this for hours. He hadn't been inside you or orgasmed since the first round, but he seemed determined to be able to shove both of his fists in your aching hole regardless of how long it took.

When you had the capacity to think between orgasms you wondered why your guards had not coming looking for you after all this time, and hoped that if the Fatui had restrained them that they hadn't died, but just been incapacitated.

Though you were never able to think long before another orgasm was dragged out of you. Combined with the saccharine sweet voice mockingly praising you. Your head was almost completely empty and body numb to the pleasure you were being put through.

You could only gurgle faintly when Childe finally got his way and stretched you enough that both his balled up fists could fit into your gaping hole. He didn't remain there for long quickly pulling both his hands free, as be grinned in glee at your ruined hole.

"I think you're finally ready, my darling patron!" He crowed, lightly petting your back as if you were a prized pet who had completed a new trick.

Staring at him through dazed and bleary eyes you wondered. "Ready for what? What more could you do to ruin me?"

He must have the ability to read your mind, or long ago you had lost the stoic control you had over your facial expression. Childe bared his fangs in a mean smile. "Though I made sure the preparation was pleasurable you've barely reacted! That's quite unfair considering how many orgasms you've had compared to me.", The demon masquerading as a man pouted. "So to make sure you're still paying attention I've brought this!"

Childe brought out a potion bottle with some unknown blue liquid inside. With a loud pop he uncorked it, tilted your hips high enough up to send sparks of pain through your spine, and promptly shoved it inside you so it could empty unhindered into your defenseless body.

There was only a moment where you felt the strange liquid mix with the remnants of your favored's cum were you debated on the odd sensation reminded you of, before it felt like it ignited inside you, and you screamed.

It was like liquid fire had been poured into you. The disassociation you had been able to reach banished like morning fog, as your nerves lit up like a livewire. You start to moan like a bitch in heat drool leaking from your mouth as the fire spread across your body. Making you feel every pulse of your insides and cock, your hole desperately grasping at the bottle inside it, but it was too small!

What had Childe done to you?! That something the size of a wine bottle would feel too small??? As your body desperately begged for something bigger, something warmer, and the aching need to cum.

That shouldn't be possible. You shouldn't even be able to come at this point considering how many orgasms had been forced upon you?!?! You could only cry out in delight eyes rolling when Childe's hands skimmed over your cock, and tugged teasingly at the bottle in your ass.

"Ah, already begging for more, my dear patron?" Childe stated teasingly. "Dottore did say this was strong but I didn't think it'd be this strong."

Barely leaving you room to breath. Childe ripped the bottle from your grasping insides sending you screaming into orgasm. You were barely aware of your begging as you sobbed at the empty feeling inside you.

"Oh, darling don't worry you'll be full very soon. I have to make sure to claim you in a way that NO ONE will ever be able to satisfy you again. That way both you and the world know you're MINE." Childe whispered the words confidently into the small of your back before dragging sharp canines growing steadily into fangs down to the swell of your ass.

"Prepare yourself!" He cautioned before sneering over your begging form and rolling eyes, "If you still have the capacity too." Before he slid his fangs deep into the small of your back a glowing riptide mark spreading out like ink over your skin as electricity started to coat his own.

Spine arched from the conflicting flashes of pain and pleasure you felt more than saw the transformation happening behind you.

Cool hands grew massive claws as they clutched at your hips drawing hints of blood from where they pressed. The cracking of electricity and bone as you were hoisted off the ground jerkily from your current partner's growth in height and size. The fangs in your back sliding smoothly out and a smooth texture replaced it almost like being pressed up against marble. You could feel fur tickling your back as you twisted to see what kind of horrors awaited you.

He was massive, he was intimidating, he was gorgeous. The feral boy who had struggled to survive in the abyss had not only tamed it but made it part of his strength in this new form. Massive blood red horns sprouted from his mask, and a cape seemingly made of stars and space.

Dragging your eyes down you froze. Childe's cock had already been awe inspiring as a human, but in this form...

It was terrifying. It seemed to emerge from some kind of protective slit. The shape was as inhuman as his current form, and a size to match. He was easily double if not closer to triple your height and his cock fit his current form. Easily the size of one of your thighs if not bigger. You now understood the need for hours of stretching. It was ribbed increasing it's girth though it did not have a bulbous head which made you weary. That implied that whatever Childe had turned into was a creature built for egg laying. You couldn't see any kind of testes but knew he was fertile considering the steady drip of pre cum from the swollen tip. You could also see a slight pouch towards the base of his member which you knew meant he probably had a knot too.

You were horrified when your body shivered in pleasure at the sight and smell of the crime against nature before you. You desperately were trying to convince yourself that the utter wanton lust inside you was based on whatever mysterious liquid Childe had forced you to consume.

A rolling purr vibrated through you from the creature before you as you chocked on your own drool unable to take your eyes off the cock before you, but Childe didn't allow you to stare for much longer.

Raising your body up as if it weighed no more than a toy, and similarly treating you no better than a ragdoll, Childe positioned you over his monstrosity of a cock.

Desperately you were muttering no over and over again as you pawed uselessly at his shoulders trying to climb away as you were lowered closer and closer to the leaking member. You knew you'd never recover from this once you got a taste of what was about to penetrate you you'd never be the same, and only be able to thirst and be filled by this monstrous thing.

A deep chuckle pressed near your ear as Childe bent so that his face was near yours still lowering and positioning you for his cock. "You did say on your honor as an Archon you'd take me. So take me!"

Before sheathing himself inside you in one smooth motion. Your nerves screamed with you. You could feel ever rib as they caressed your swollen insides and invaded your body. You could do nothing but cry and take it, as he used your body like nothing more then a sex toy to masturbate himself with.

Grunts and growls joined your screams and begging as he furiously bounced you on his dick. Whispering praises and croons near your head while your eyes crossed and tongue hung uselessly from your mouth. Though his tip wasn't shaped like a human man's it did its job of digging into your prostate so that pleasure was dragged from your willing body, and your unwilling submission from your mind.

You're going to break! 💙

You're going to brEAK! 💙💙

You'RE GoING To BrEAK! 💙💙💙

You screamed until your voice broke, eyes becoming fully unfocused, as your body spasmed uselessly through orgasm grasping desperately at the welcome intruder making itself home inside you.

Gleeful claws dug deeper into your hips drawing blood when Childe felt you completely relax no longer even a token struggle being put up by his patron. No his love. Now he could just TAKE.

Claws delicately crawled up your torso to carefully grasp and pull at your swollen teats intent on tugging and bruising them until they were swollen enough to be mistaken for small tits and the idea of covering up would be laughable due to sensitivity.

He watches in delight as you could only moan, and get out enough syllables to beg while he drove you far past overstimulation. Your pupils not even attempting to track anything occuring around you.

Though all good things must come to an end and Childe could feel the tightening in his gut and stir in his knot that this round was drawing to a close.

You could only sob and thrash in utter pleasure as Childe continued to stimulate your chest. Nipples bruised and swollen a cherry red easily the size of the tip of a person's thumb, before feeling the man, monster, behind you still with a deep groan.

Your animal hind brain could only gasp in relief thinking this trial of endurance was finally over. But you should stop under estimating your favored he loves to exceed expectations.

You could only twitch weakly, pinned to his crotch, as you were suspended in the air, when you felt his knot start to inflate. Your cock dripped a steady flow of pre cum from Childe's tip being ground against your probably bruised and weeping prostate, as you both waited for his knot to fully inflate.

But the worst had still yet to come. Finally after what felt like minutes and a few micro orgasms you felt Childe move. A twitch in his stomach before a lurch in his cock. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion before taking a ragged gasp.

Something solid was moving through the member nestled deep inside you. Stretching you out further to accommodate it. You could only sob as it worked further into you.

Childe dragged a clawed hand up to your cheek lightly caressing you. "You're doing so well pet. You'll make such a good incubator and brood mother. All for my lovely eggs." Childe sneered delighted at your faint moaned denials and twitches. He loved that even now you were attempting to fight him. Pleasure broken as you were.

Childe ground into you lightly tugging at your rim with his knot to hear you gasp and cry before leaning forward as if to hear you better. "What was that my love? I couldn't have heard you denying to be my broodmare after all you promised to take all of me. I'm only making sure you follow through. After all you'll look so pretty full of my eggs."

Childe's hand on your face dragged your chin down to look at your ever filling stomach. During your conversation he had been quick to fill you. You were so bloated at this point you could easily see the faint shape of the eggs inside you.

A ragged gasp left your lips as the next egg pressed sharply against your prostate finally sending you over the edge and into orgasm. You wailed as your eyes rolled grasping desperately at your ever increasing stomach. Unable to come down from orgasm as each egg made a pass over your prostate.

This seemed to delight your captor. Childe's voice deepened in mockery, "You try to keep your pride and make denials that you're not a whore who loves the idea of being fucked and filled constantly and yet you can't stop continuously orgasming on my cock like some desperate slit." Childe wickedly continued micro thrusting to fuck you with his knot as his eggs kept your orgasm from truly ending.

Over time Childe felt his eggs slow to a stop and his knot start to deflate. Carefully he lowered himself and you to the floor as he let his transformation peel away to show his human form keeping his still sizeable cock plugging you full.

Placing you delicately in his lap so you could continue to cockwarm him Childe hummed a jaunty tune. Waving a hand in front of your face his tune picked up in beat at the lack of reaction or recognition in his darlings eyes. He had finally broken you for now. He expected you'd pull yourself together eventually, but it should be long enough he can bundle you away, and sedate your now human form, for the long trip to Sneznaya.

After all his family had been inquiring when he would take a partner, but knew he'd had his eyes only on one. After all one day he'd been King of everything and he needed a capable partner at his side. Placing a kiss on your temple Childe continued humming as he watched his agents enter the room and prepare for their swift getaway.

He grinned your first mistake was truly saving his life and putting him in debt to you. After all he always keeps his promises and pays his debts.

*

I think that's it. That was hard to figure out how to end. 🤔

Hopefully you liked it Felix! After I did all that hype for this chapter.

Happy birthday again. 🎉🎉😆😆

From 🦊 Anon!

[omg-snakes]

Oh I was asking for this years breeding plans! I know some people brumate early so I have no idea when eggs start hitting the ground. And I love listening to people talking about what and why they are pairing. I used to see it a lot more on tumblr but I'm just really getting back into snakes recently :)

Haha! Welp, I misunderstood completely. Sorry!

I actually don't brumate my snakes. In my area, where it doesn't really stay cold long enough for snakes to brumate naturally outdoors, I would have to refrigerate my snakes and honestly that prospect is really terrifying to me. So... I don't do it. I do offer a natural temperature drop and photoperiod reduction during winter, and feeding is less frequent in winter to match the reduced temperatures. In spring we up the lights and temps and food again and my snakes have spring sheds and seem to have normalized hormonal cycles despite not brumating.

As requested, here's a list of my 2022 breeding plans. I don't fully expect that all of these pairings will be successful but I plan for what I'm prepared to handle.

Brian (Amel) x Olaf (Hypo Ice)

Hatshepsut (Sunglow Amel) x Ermengarde (Red Factor Strawberry Anery)

Isis (Snow) x Yeet (Anery)

Left Shark (Lavender Motley) x Chammers (Anery)

Mayonnaise (Blizzard) x Aurelian (Lavender mumble mumble)

Morse (Anery Motley/Stripe) x Chips (Amel Motley/Stripe)

Moth (Strawberry Anery) x Rickroll (Red Factor Snow)

Peekaboo (Classic) x Aurelian (Lavender mumble mumble)

Pepper (Classic Stripe) x Fiasco (Sunglow Amel)

Pumpkin Spice (Hypo Masque) x Ringwood (Hypo Lavender Diffused visual het Peach)

Rosepink (Amel Lavender visual het Peach) x Ringwood (Hypo Lavender Diffused visual het Peach)

Snikki (Amel) x Chammers (Anery)

Sinestro (Cinder) x Valentine (Red Factor Strawberry Anery)

We'll see what happens in the coming months!

[mistakesareinthemaking]

oh my god. i actually clicked that last link, fully prepared to get rickrolled and feel like a gullible idiot, but it's. exactly what they say it is. what the hell.

I don’t think we’re rick rolling each other enough anymore. 1. it CANNOT die out 2. this under saturated market is perfect for unsuspecting victims who’ve been lulled into a false sense of security. be the person you hate. bring back the dastardly link

[heyiwrotesomethings]

You Laugh, You Lose (But Really You Win)

Emi Fukukado (Ms Joke) x They/Them Reader

A/N: Prepare to get Rickrolled in the most loving way possible! Your quirk is Compulsive Competitiveness. It pushes your body past its limits to achieve any goal as long as it's presented as a competition. Unfortunately, it can’t work if the competition is physically impossible to do. However, you could find loopholes. For instance, if Hawks challenged you to a flying competition you could try your luck piloting an airplane! Like with any quirk, this one has its drawbacks. Overexhaustion will cause fever and intense drowsiness! Hope you like it! Word Count: 1,665

(Y/n) had been diligently grading papers in the Ketsubutsu Academy teacher’s office when they heard a distinct peel of laughter coming from somewhere down the hall. They rolled their eyes and smiled, turning to the next page of the paper they were currently grading, fully aware that they would soon have their hands too full to continue. Sure enough, a few moments later the door slid open and Fukukado Emi slipped inside. She snickered and waved to the students laughing in the hall before fully entering and closing the door behind her. She didn’t take long to notice the other teacher in the room and quickly made herself at home by sitting on the edge of their desk. She kicked her feet out playfully and beamed down at the other teacher who had yet to look up from their papers.

“Hey there sugar plum! Do you like raisins?” Emi asked, completely unprompted.

“Good afternoon, Emi. Did you get Shindou You’s recommendation letter for that internship done yet?” (Y/n) asked, their eyes still scanning the paper before them.

“Aw, come on (Y/n),” Emi whined, poking at her colleague’s head, “Answer the question!”

“I don’t know,” (Y/n) shrugged, finally looking up from their papers. “They’re tolerable I guess. I don’t go out of my way to eat them.”

“Okay, how do you- how do—“ Emi fought to speak through her own giggles and (Y/n) had to bite the inside of their lip to keep from doing the same, “how do you feel about a date?” Emi finally got out before breaking down into full on laughter, a light blue aura rolling off her skin.

(Y/n) snorted unable to control themself. Their hand reached to cover their mouth as their own laughter escaped to join Ms. Joke’s. “Emi,” they tried to admonish, “that wasn’t fair! Using your quirk to make me laugh at some cheesy pickup line that probably took you two seconds to find on the internet! Have you no honor?!”

“Hey, what are you talking about? That was totally hilarious!” Emi pressed her hand dramatically to her chest, a dazzling smile over her lips as the blue aura receded.

“It doesn’t count and you know it.” (Y/n) spoke with finality. “If you want a date, you have to make me laugh without using your quirk. That was the deal remember?”

“Why did I agree to such a thing?” Emi moaned and slouched over (Y/n)’s papers, laying across the desk with her arms crossed over her chest.

“You’re the one that came up with it.” (Y/n) deadpanned. “If you proposed a date like a normal person I would have said yes two weeks ago.”

“Why not just laugh then?” Emi asked, booping (Y/n)’s nose with a gloved finger.

“Because I’m compulsively competitive. You should have considered my quirk before making that wager.” (Y/n) reminded, swatting Emi’s hand away.

“Just you wait, (Y/n)! You better find something nice to wear this weekend because I’m going to catch you off guard before the week is out!”

“That’s what you said last week,” (Y/n) smirked, “and the week before that.”

“I mean it this time! Prepare yourself!” Emi clenched her fist righteously.

“Alright,” (Y/n)’s smirk softened, “now, could you get off my desk please?”

“Oh yeah, sure!”

(Y/n) pinched the bridge of their nose as they watched Emi purposefully remove herself from the desk in the most exaggerated way possible. It was going to be a long week.

***

(Y/n)’s quirk, while not as flashy as other hero quirks, was not one to be taken lightly. Their compulsively competitive quirk allowed them to push themself passed their limits physically and mentally as long as it was a task posed as a competition and wasn’t too outside of the realm of possibility. No contests to see who could breathe the most powerful fire ball if you can’t breathe fire in the first place. However, their quirk did help them achieve the highest grades when they were in school and even when faced with stronger opponents they managed to come out on top more often than not.

Of course it didn’t come without drawbacks, a high fever and dizzying fatigue could be quick to follow depending on the intensity of the competitive event. And although Ms. Joke’s little game came with very minimal risk and required little effort on (Y/n)’s part, weeks of steeling themself, preparing for any quip or improvisation, was starting to take its toll. Even though (Y/n) would love to just give in and go out with Emi, their quirk was not one that could simply be turned off whenever they wished. There had to be an outcome.

“You okay, Sensei?” A concerned student asked once (Y/n) trailed off for the third time in their lesson.

“Hm? Oh yeah, sorry everyone. I’m just not feeling well today.” (Y/n) admitted. “Where was I?”

“Search and rescue in rural settings. Are you sure you’re okay, teach?” Another student asked, watching (Y/n) lean heavily against the podium.

“I’ll be okay. It’s just that Fukukado-sensei has been really testing my limits these last few days.” (Y/n) explained. They didn’t bother to omit the reason for their condition since Emi had been anything but subtle in her attempts. Many of them had been grand public jests anyway. It would be hard to find a single student who didn’t know what was going on between the two teachers.

“Yeah, I thought she had you for sure when Fatgum came in as a guest speaker and she followed him around with a tuba all day.” One student recalled.

“Or when she climbed to the top of the flagpole at the school entrance and the back of her pants got caught so the fire department had to come get her down.” A student from the back giggled.

“Let’s not forget that failed bend and snap attempt when she almost threw out her back trying to seductively pick up a pen.” Someone else added.

“Yes, yes. Hilarious. She’s lucky Fatgum is such a good sport,” (Y/n) sighed, fighting themself internally not to laugh at all the shenanigans their colleague had gotten into, “Now, back on the topic of— wait, do you guys hear something?”

Sure enough, somewhere down the hall, muffled music could be heard steadily growing louder and more clear as the seconds progressed. Before (Y/n) could get to the door and see what was going on, the door slid open and Emi stormed in with a large boom box over her shoulder and a microphone in her hand with a long chord that was attached to nothing dragging along the ground.

(Y/n) bit the inside of their lip hard as they took in the ridiculous outfit Emi was wearing that made her look like a poorly put together hammerhead shark. Emi wobbled into the classroom as best she could with her legs confined in the fabric of her outfit and rose her flipper holding the mic to her lips to join in with the song playing over her shoulder.

“We’rno strangers t’ looooove, ya know derruuules n’so do I. A f’ll cermmitment's whert’m thenkin’ ooooof. You wouldn' gettis frem any otter my!” Emi sang loudly, horribly off key and changed the words just enough that the song was still familiar but sounded like complete nonsense. As she continued on she waddled closer to (Y/n), occasionally tripping but somehow managing to save herself as she continued to ‘sing’.

The students in the classroom were howling with laughter and (Y/n) could feel their skin growing hotter as they fought not to join in. They couldn’t hold for much longer, but they sure as hell were going to try.

“Ner gonn give oo erp, ner gonn lert oo derrrn, ner gon rune arund n’ dezert you. Ner gonn merk moo my, ner gonn smay smoosmy, ner gonn tellalie n’ dirt coup!”

(Y/n) could taste blood in their mouth from biting their lip so hard. They covered their mouth tightly with one hand and the other braced tightly against the podium as their quirk pushed them passed their limits until- they couldn’t hold it in anymore!

(Y/n) laughed so hard that tears fell from their cheeks. Emi saw this and smiled brightly, continuing to ‘sing’ as she basked in her victory until (Y/n) spoke between bouts of wheezing laughter.

“Cah—catch me.”

“Huh? Oh!” Emi dropped her boom box and mic to the ground with little care and caught (Y/n) in her shark fins before they collapsed to the ground. “Are you okay?” She asked, all previous cheer replaced by worry.

“I’ll be okay. My quirk over exhausted me,” (Y/n) explained between deep breaths, “I hope you don’t mind waiting until next week to collect your winnings because I’m a little too sick to function in public right now.”

“I’ve waited this long. What’s one more week?” Emi smiled, “Although I do feel bad. This is kind of my fault after all.”

“You could come by my place and make me soup and grade my tests while I sleep, that would make me feel better.”

“Way to take advantage.” Emi huffed, “Alright, not really the kind of date I had in mind, but it’s a start!” Emi hoisted (Y/n) into her arms to fully carry them and addressed the waiting students, “Okay guys free period, go nuts.” (Y/n) gave Emi a tired, warning glare, “Okay, well, don’t go nuts, but do whatever you want... within reason. See you Monday!” Emi then awkwardly shimmied out the door. One of her hammerhead eyestalks caught the doorframe on the way out which earned another round of subdued giggles from the class. As she made her way to the nurse’s office, Emi smiled down at the sleeping teacher in her arms, excited to see where their relationship would go.

Bonus:

“Oh shit!” Emi cursed as she tripped forward, unable to regain her balance with the added weight in her arms. (Y/n) jolted awake as they came in contact with the cold, unforgiving floor.

“Emi!”

“Sorry!”

[tempesrature]

Of The Standard Of Taste: Logan and Memes

Pairing: Ride or Die | Ellie x Logan Summary: Logan has a terrible taste in memes and Ellie wants to help him.  (A very loose continuation of Communication Degree. But if you don’t want to read that, all you need to know is Ellie and Logan live together and Ellie has a Professor that she hates.) Word Count: 1,924 Warnings: None. Just the buffoonery that I come up with. This is terrible and self-indulgent because I just want some stupid domestic fluff for my two idiots.    A/N: I feel like Logan’s relevant character flaw has to be that he’s probably not too knowledgeable with pop culture and memes (on the run most of his life, has no real need for it, etc) so...here you go. I also reread Hume’s “Of The Standard of Taste” just in case I get into a tussle with Philosophy nerds over my usage of the title (you can fight me but I’ll lose, I didn’t understand much). Also, please forgive me for my poor editing, I may be a millennial but I run on boomer batteries. Happy RoDAW everyone!  @rodappreciationweek @troublemakerinspace​ ~*~

In the silent space of the Langston library, Ellie’s phone pings on her desk and her eyes flit to the device. The name on her screen immediately pulls a wide smile on her lips as she picks up the phone and checks to see what he has sent her. Once she sees the picture, her face falls and she immediately groans before she puts the phone back on her desk.

“Woah, bad news?”

Ellie turns to look at Brooke, her friend and partner for the paper they’re currently working on, before Ellie shakes her head with a small sigh.

“It’s Logan.”

Brooke furrows her eyebrows, squinting lightly at Ellie. “And that’s bad because…?”

Ellie sighs before she picks up her phone and hands it to Brooke. Brooke raises a curious eyebrow before she takes the phone and looks at the screen. Her face morphs into a string of emotions—shock, laughter, cringe—before it settles into pity. “The boy’s taste in memes are terrible.”

“It’s not his fault,” Ellie quickly defends, taking the phone back and staring at the picture that Logan sent her.

“It’s his first Pictagram account and he’s still figuring things out,” Ellie explains as she gives his picture a heart. “You know, developing his standard of taste.”

“From what? The 2010’s?” Brooke cackles as she takes Ellie’s phone, scrolling up their conversation before she bursts into muffled chuckles. “Look at your replies! ‘That’s great baby, it’s really funny’, you sound like his mom!”

Ellie scowls and snatches back her phone, putting it face down on the desk. “He’s trying okay? I think it’s sweet that he sends me memes he finds funny.”

“Uh huh, keep telling yourself that,” Brooke snickers before she rolls her eyes at the annoyed look on Ellie’s face. “El, just like…send him better memes. It’s not that hard.”

“I tried!” Ellie groans again, pushing her fingers to her temple as she stares at the wooden surface of the desk in dismay. “But memes nowadays need so much context! How will he understand when he’s still catching up on so much of pop culture—” Ellie pauses, an idea swirling in her mind. “Unless…”

“Unless what?” Brooke frowns, furrowing her eyebrows. She is scarily aware of Ellie’s face when she starts to plot. “Unless what El?”

“I have an idea,” Ellie declares, quickly gathering her things and dumping them into her backpack as she grabs her phone off of the table. “I’ll send you my part tonight, bye!”

Ellie quickly throws a wave goodbye at the confused looking Brooke as she heads back to the apartment before Logan arrives. Her mind already turning and plotting on how she’ll efficiently enact her plan.

~*~

Logan carefully balances the bag of groceries in one arm as he walks up the stairs, his eyes glued to his phone. He knows he should be more careful, Ellie has already chastised him about using his phone while walking up the stairs to their apartment, but he finds it difficult to pull his eyes away from the endless scroll of memes on his Pictagram feed. Many of which he’s already saved because he plans to send them to Ellie sometime tomorrow during his break.

Logan gives one last double tap of his phone screen to a particularly funny meme when he reaches the door of their apartment before he places his phone in his back pocket. He moves the grocery bag to his other arm before fishing out his keys and inserting it into the doorknob. He hasn’t even fully opened the door when he hears Ellie calling out his name from the living room. A smile pulls at his lips at the sound. Even if it’s been months, he still can’t shake the feeling of utter content at the reality of her waiting for him in their apartment. A scenario he’s only ever imagined in his most indulgent dreams.

“Just a sec trouble. I’m taking off my shoes,” He calls out toeing his sneakers off and kicking it to the side before he walks to the living room with a wide grin. Ellie excitedly greets him with a hug and he easily returns it with a one arm hug.

“Welcome back,” She greets, leaning up to kiss his cheek before she takes the grocery bag in his arm and whisks it away to the small kitchenette in their apartment.

Logan follows behind her, the wide grin still present on his face, as he leans on the refrigerator. He silently watches her place the bag on the counter, start to pull out the groceries and flit by cabinets and shelves to put away the cans and bottles. His heart feels full and sated, the picture of her seeming to bring about emotions that’s both strange and welcomed. Strange in a way that he never thought that this could be his life and welcomed in way that he’s grateful that this is his life.

Ellie pulls out the carton of milk and turns to him, grinning in amusement at the soft and warm look so prominent on his face. An expression she’s seen on him a multitude of times in the time they’ve started living together. She quickly shoos him away from the refrigerator door and Logan merely chuckles as he moves away, placing a passing kiss to her temple before he makes his way to the living room.

His eyes immediately latch on to the papers and books scattered on the coffee table (not an unusual sight) as her laptop lay on the center of the couch. He gently pushes the laptop to the side, careful not to accidentally move anything from its original place as he drops down on the couch and pulls out his phone.

“Are you making another report for Professor Hardass, El?” Logan calls out, absentmindedly scrolling through his Pictagram feed.

“Huh? Oh…no. Actually,” Ellie answers back before she walks back into the living room. She grabs her laptop, balancing it on one hand, as she scrolls up and starts the presentation. “It’s for you.”

Logan pauses before he looks up at her in confusion, his eyebrows furrowed. 

“Me?”

“Yes,” Ellie plops down next to him and sets her laptop on his lap, angling the screen to him as the title ‘Important Points in the History of Pop Culture and its Relevance on Memes’ flashes in big black text and stares back at him.

Logan blinks once, twice. His brain frying as he tries to decipher what she just presented him. “I don’t understand Ellie.”

Ellie nods, expecting this reaction before she clears her throat. Her voice takes on the tone she always uses when she presents her reports as she starts the plan that she has been preparing for since she arrived in the apartment three hours ago.

“You see Logan, I love you and I care about you a lot—”

“—this sounds like a break up speech.”

“And,” Ellie emphasizes with a grin, lightly hitting his arm as he looks back at her with a teasing smile. “And I want you to get a better sense of what memes are popular and funny right now.”

Logan opens his mouth, closes it and frowns. Finally picking up what she’s hinting on. “The memes I send you aren’t funny?”

“Oh baby they are,” She leans forward, placing gentle hand on his arm as she tries to keep her voice loving and sympathetic when she delivers the devastating truth. “But like…funny if its ten years ago.”

Logan blinks, pausing for a moment, before a burst of laughter escapes him. Ellie frowns at his reaction and he shakes his head, turning away from her as he muffles his laughter behind his hand. He really didn’t mean to laugh. But the image of his girlfriend, the love of his life, hunkering down and taking a considerable amount of her time and day just to create a presentation to teach him about memes of all things creates a feeling inside him that he’s never felt before.

In his most vulnerable and loneliest nights, he went through a list of the most domestic and romantic what-ifs with her—already resigned that they would never be his reality—that ranged from the simple to the ridiculous but sitting down on the couch of their apartment learning about memes through a PowerPoint presentation from her was something that never crossed his mind.

But somehow, this is the one that hits him the hardest. This is the one that makes him imagine a life beyond their tiny apartment. A house, a dog, kids’ maybe…all of it. If it’s with Ellie Wheeler, he’s ready to want it all.

“Okay troublemaker,” He finally says, turning back to her with a wide grin. “Or should I call you professor now?”

“Behave,” She admonishes playfully before she scoots closer to him and lays her head on his shoulder. He easily wraps one arm around her waist, his hand settling on her hips as he leans his head on top of hers and waits patiently for her presentation.

Ellie immediately launches into her first slide and Logan listens intently, his thumb absentmindedly rubbing nonsense circles on her skin over her pajamas.

As the minutes pass, it leaves him in awe at how much effort and love has gone into this presentation just for him. There are pictures, gifs, and videos all for him and he’s willing to admit that his feed seems to pale in comparison. She goes through the resilience of SpongeBob memes and the “rickroll”, the diversity of Kermit the frog memes, and the brief and fleeting existence of Vine memes. And she laughs and cringes at the particularly older ones and he laughs and takes note at the particularly funny ones as the late afternoon slowly stretches into evening.

By the end of it, she’s cuddled up next to him, her laptop laying open on top of her books on the coffee table, as they both scroll through a better array of pages for him to follow on Pictagram to broaden and expand his taste of memes. They laugh, talk, and tease each other under the dim lights of their tiny apartment and Logan can’t help but feel the kind of warmth and happiness that settle and seep right down to his bones.

~*~

Brooke bursts out in laughter but quickly clamps her mouth shut to avoid disturbing the other students in the library. “I can’t believe you did that! You gotta give me the file!”

Ellie smiles in triumph, crossing her arms in front of her as she leans back on her chair. “Laugh all you want. If it worked then I’m the real winner here.”

Brooke shakes her head in amusement, looking at Ellie with a teasing look. “If? So you haven’t seen the results yet?”

Ellie opens her mouth, ready to reply, when right on cue her phone pings on the desk next to her books. She picks it up when she sees the flash of his name on the screen and she smiles. Her eyes land on the latest picture he’s sent her, her heart squeezing in an ache so powerful she clutches the phone to her chest as she falls forward on the desk with a helpless groan and a silly smile. Brooke sees her reaction and chuckles before she reaches out her hand.

“Give me, I wanna see too.”

Ellie hands the phone to her and Brooke’s eyes land on the picture and she grimaces.

“Now he’s just being cheesy,” Brooke comments dryly.

“He’s too good,” Ellie laments helplessly, lifting her head off of the table with a huge grin. “I made him too powerful.”

Brooke rolls her eyes as she hands Ellie her phone back. “Can we please just finish this paper today?”

“Fine, fine,” Ellie takes her phone back and quickly types out a message and finds a photo before she hits send. She places the phone back on the desk and goes back to working on her part of the paper with a smile she can’t seem to wipe away even if she tried.

[rcris123]

When I looked up the link I was fully prepared for like a screamer or something. I just realized my response to your post might have came off wrong, I was upset because I got anxious it was something bad but I wanted to know so I could let others know. I’m really sorry if my reply made you feel negatively in anyway I will do my best to word things better in the future

I expected a screamer too that’s why I didn’t click the link and I wanted to post it in case there was someone sending people screamers to spook them :(((

Thank you for telling me!! I will listen to it now that I know it’s just a rickroll!! Please don’t feel sorry, I’m actually feeling a bit embarrassed I just reacted like that without actually clicking the link first! You’re okay!!    💖 💖 💖

[jowritesthingss]

Partners in Pranks

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairing(s): Moceit (Patton | Morality + Janus | Deceit)

Rating: Teen (for one sexual mention)

Content Warning(s): pranks (fairly harmless ones), food mention, sex mention (a teeny one in passing)

Length: 2,139 words

Brief Summary: “It’s just a prank,” Janus says as he makes a Valentine’s day card for Patton. “I’m trying to outdo him,” he says as he plans a fancy dinner for Patton. “I just want to beat him to it,” he says as he prepares to propose to Patton.

TS Masterlist + AO3 Links

*

Janus has a...prank war of sorts going on with Patton.

Like with many of the sides’ exploits, it starts simply and quite by accident, if Janus is to be honest with himself—but now, why would he do that?

Janus doesn’t fully intend to put jello in the showerhead before Patton showers—and for that matter, the culprit is actually Remus, and the intended victim Roman. But Patton is the one who comes stomping out of the bathroom and into the living room, green from head to toe and half-naked, and Janus is the one looking up from his book and trying not to laugh. And the lie that it was him slips off his tongue so naturally, just as so many others do.

And then Patton is staring at him, eyes alight with determination, declaring that oh, the competition is on, and, well. Why ever not? It’s just a spot of friendly competition, and of course Janus will win. It gives him another chance to show off his innate superiority.

Obviously the glee that Janus takes in seeing Patton’s eyes glint like that is pure rivalry and competitiveness. Obviously.

Patton is the one to incite trouble next, replacing all of Janus’ skin moisturizer with mayonnaise. Janus scrubs the sticky sauce out of his scales in the bathtub, brow furrowed as he tries to figure out what to do to get Patton back.

The opportunity presents itself when Patton gets a new pair of glasses. He wakes up one morning to find them in the fridge, encased in the same green jello that started the whole mess in the first place. Not even a day after he got the new pair, he’s going back to Roman, asking the creative side to conjure him yet another pair.

Next up at bat is Patton, who sneaks into Janus’ room one night and places googly eyes on everything in his bedroom—furniture, pictures, paintings, stuffed animals, everything. Janus wakes up to find everything staring at him—including Patton, who hangs upside-down and red-faced from the canopy bed.

He totally doesn’t shriek. He doesn’t. No matter what Patton tries to tell anyone.

In retaliation for the googly eyes, Janus enlists Roman’s help (bribing him with pics of Virgil snuggling Mrs. Fluffybottom in his sleep), and the two conjure and hide dozens of tiny speakers all over Patton’s bedroom. He programs them to blast Never Gonna Give You Up three times a day at random and takes savage glee in the ultimate rickroll.

(Patton still hasn’t found all of the speakers to this day.)

Patton, ever the lover of puns, is the next to request Roman’s help. Patton announces that he’s Janus’ biggest fan, and Roman enchants dozens of fans with Patton’s face taped to them. They follow Janus around for a day and a half before he gets fed up and takes a hammer to them (after carefully removing and saving the pictures of Patton’s face first, of course).

In response, Janus installs a fake roll of toilet paper in the downstairs bathroom (leaving an actual roll of toilet paper nearby, of course, because for all that he loves causing chaos, he isn’t that evil).

Patton simply puts pictures of Slash from Guns ’N Roses on Thomas’ tires, announcing that someone slashed Thomas’ tires the next time he and Janus are in the real world to “help” (translation: pester) Thomas.

Next Janus prints out a picture of a spider and hides it in the shade of the lamp on Patton’s bedside table.

That night a scream echoes through the entire mindscape, rousing even Thomas out in the real world, and bringing everyone running. And admittedly, Janus does feel bad about that one. He hadn’t realized Patton was that scared of spiders.

So as an apology for the whole spider thing, Janus makes brownies for Patton. Correction—he makes brown Es. (Also real brownies, though he hides those in the fridge and doesn’t tell Patton they’re from him, because he really does feel bad, but he’s not about to admit it.)

Patton uncovers the tray and sees the brown Es, and the watery smile he gives Janus makes the deceitful side’s stomach twist delightfully.

(It’s just the spirit of the game, he tells himself. He’s just relieved that he hasn’t lost a fellow prankster and causer of chaos.)

Janus knows all is forgiven when Patton brings him a bag of his favorite fast food back from the real world—and Janus opens it to find cucumbers where chicken nuggets should be, and carrot sticks in the fries container.

(After five minutes of laughing at Janus’ disappointed face, Patton brings out the actual chicken nuggets and fries for him, and hey, maybe Patton isn’t so bad after all. ...Just, not as cool as Janus. Duh.)

And the game is afoot once more.

Patton taste-tests a batch of cookies one day to find that Janus switched the sugar with the salt.

Janus spends a day wondering why everyone sounds like they’re hissing instead of speaking before he realizes that Patton bribed the others into helping him (even Thomas, how could he?!).

The googly eyes make their way out of Janus’ room and find their way into the fridge. In the process the dozen eggs are all given names, personalities, and backstories, and Patton is too distraught to cook with them.

The prank war is put on hold for a day or two when Remus hatches the eggs into zombie chickens, and all hands are needed on deck to round up the things so Roman can release them in the Imagination. But once the last of the sickly green little puffballs is vanished, the game continues on.

Stealing—ahem, borrowing—some of Virgil’s nail polish, Janus puts clear polish on the soap in all of the bathrooms. This leaves Patton wondering why the soap won’t lather up when he goes to wash his hands.

Patton tapes tiny harmonicas to the bottom of the vacuum, resulting in Janus puzzling over the sounds of hell opening whenever he tries to vacuum his bedroom.

For two days straight everything in the living room of the Mindscape is covered in tinfoil until Roman, exasperated and seeing that neither Janus nor Patton intend to undo it all, snaps it away himself. Then Virgil is left to dispose of all of the Janus-shaped balloons that mysteriously fill the hallway one morning (popping them violently with scissors counts as anger management, he insists).

Janus causes everyone to question their sanity as he goes about the day seemingly as normal, quietly replacing his bowler hat with identical hats that are just a bit tinier at periodic intervals throughout the day.

Patton and Logan switch places for a day, but Janus is the only one who seems to catch the change, ironically enough. He’s all too familiar with Patton’s laugh and his smile at this point—on account of them constantly pranking each other, of course, not because he stares at those pictures of Patton every night before he goes to bed or anything—so of course Janus knows the difference between the two.

Whoopee cushions are overrated, so instead Janus tapes an air horn underneath Patton’s desk chair. He hides in Patton’s closet and makes sure to film this one, editing the video of Patton jumping into the opening of Let’s Get It On in the spirit of Thomas’ Vine days.

Eventually the other sides make Thomas step in and tell them to stop, because Patton accidentally replaced Remus’ deodorant with cream cheese instead of Janus’, and Logan is still picking glitter out of his clothes. The two rivals stare at each other contemplatively from across the living room. Janus wonders how he might be able to continue this contest of sorts.

And then, oh, then. Then the most marvelous, wonderful, amazing, beautiful, stupendous idea hits him.

Why not turn it into a battle of wits? A battle of words, of puns, of—of flirting.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Janus will beat the moral side at his own game—in matters of the heart, in matters of wordplay.

The flurry in which Janus takes to wooing Patton—still just in the spirit of a little friendly competition, naturally—leaves Patton blushing and the other sides very much regretting making him stop with the pranks.

“It’s just a joke,” Janus says as he takes Patton’s hand in his and kisses it.

“I’m trying to outdo him,” Janus asserts as he bakes heart-shaped cookies for Patton.

“It’s all in good fun,” Janus claims as he looks up puns and innuendos to make Patton blush.

“I’m trying to beat him at his own game,” Janus insists as he makes Patton a Valentine’s Day card.

And then—

“Date me,” Patton breathes, staring into Janus’ wide eyes, and he’s certain Patton is just trying to one-up him again, but dammit! Janus is trapped, trapped. Either he chickens out and says no, and then Patton wins, or he says yes, and what then? How can he possibly outdo that?

For the time being he settles with challenging Patton to a nonverbal battle—that of kissing—and naturally he wins, because Janus is hands down the best wooer ever to woo.

So after saying a firm yes to Patton’s question, Janus darts forward, pressing a kiss to Patton’s lips and winding his arms around the other side. Ha-ha! This will do it! This will truly prove that he is the best! This is the one.

Or, well, maybe another. Not because he likes kissing Patton, it’s just because, because his breathing was a little off that time, he can do better next time, prove to Patton that he’s the best kisser of the two of them. And then uhh, maybe another one, because third time’s the charm, right?

But as the two throw date after extravagant date, the question lurks in the back of Janus’ mind—how can he possibly outdo Patton’s “date me”?

Two years later, Janus finds the answer in the “marry me” he says to a starstruck, swooning Patton, and ha. Bet Patton didn’t see that one coming. He even had Roman design the most perfectest ring to fit Patton’s personality and clothing style, all in the name of overdoing it and making it nigh-on impossible for Patton to even try to outdo Janus’ extreme extra-ness.

And as they are planning the wedding and Janus pulls out the binders he has noting every last detail (yes, binders, plural), he wears a proud grin. He’d love to see Patton try and top that. Because of course he’s been planning the wedding ceremony for months now—erm, only so Patton won’t be able to outplan and outfox him on that front, of course.

Yes, yes, that’s the most important part. Patton will never be able to beat Janus now. It has nothing to do with the way Patton’s eyes light up and he leans in close to peer over Janus’ shoulder to look at the designs.

And then the day of the wedding comes, and sure, it’s a little ridiculous, because the whole thing is really only them, with Remus as their flower girl and Logan officiating and Virgil and Roman as the best men, and Thomas—poor confused Thomas, sitting alone in the pews in an Imagined church, wondering how it’s even possible for two figments of his imagination to get married in the first place.

Janus makes sure that his vows are the longest and the best and the prettiest, not to make Patton cry or love him even more or anything, just to show he’s the best with words. He even throws in a pun or two to remind Patton that he’s the best at making puns, too. Naturally he’s an excellent dancer, too, so with him leading, he and Patton dominate the dance floor after the ceremony as well.

(And then their wedding night comes and, well. Maybe Janus can’t top Patton in quite every way. Ahem. But that’s a different story.)

Anniversary after anniversary comes and goes (and with them, celebration after increasingly elaborate celebration), and still Janus and Patton are married, to Logan and Virgil’s utmost confusion. It’s like a game of chicken, Janus assures himself. He simply doesn’t want to be the one to back out first, and Patton is more stubborn than he seems.

But, as he lies in bed with Patton, determined to prove that he’s the best cuddler, Janus thinks that maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t mind all that much.

...

Patton isn’t entirely sure why his husband of ten years breaks into random maniacal laughter on occasion, or why he’s so competitive in everything he does. But Patton takes it in stride, with a smile on his face. It’s quite endearing, really. Let the man have his quirks.

Fin

*

Not my greatest, but the idea wiggled into my head while I was writing some LoSleep and it Would Not Go Away until I scribbled it down.

Want to be added onto any of my taglists? Shoot me an ask or a message here or via my other social media!

[beks-art]

A couple photomanips!

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about where I’m going. I didn’t feel fulfilled working retail, I don’t feel fulfilled doing what I’m currently doing... but what I’m currently doing is the start of what I think will ultimately be fulfilling to me. Growing up I always said that I’m going to do art, I’m going to be an artist, and that hasn’t changed for me. I am still an artist no matter what my day job is. I contain multitudes. Coming to terms with that put me a bit at ease for the decisions I’m working towards right now.

(LONG POST UNDER THE CUT, CW EMOTIONAL ABUSE/NEGLECT/CHILD ABUSE)

What I do at work is clerical stuff for the fiscal unit in the state, for children’s administration. Here I am, the neglected child grown up and reading about other neglected children. I even got rickrolled by my own trauma when I stumbled into the intake that I made against my ex-friend’s stepdad when I was trying to see where I could change my demographic information. Whoops!

Right now this is the path that I’m looking at: take at least 18 credits in accounting classes, work my way up to fiscal tech, keep working as a fiscal tech full-time while finishing my AA degree (switching from studio art to a direct transfer in Human Services), finish AA, participate in the university program to get a BA in Social Services, move from fiscal tech to... social work. The first level is 18 months and very supervised and you’re automatically promoted to level 2 after that point. From there, I want to be level 3. That takes about an additional couple years in the level two position.

I want to focus on ICW (Indian Child Welfare). This... comes with the full knowledge of precisely how the state has behaved with Native children, and one of the big problems I’ve read about what happens here is there is not a fast turnaround in identifying children who fall under the ICWA. Being Métis and knowing what happened to my ancestors, I can’t NOT be aware that this is a kinda controversial choice. However, being Métis and fully dipping into this identity has kind of given me a sense of purpose of what I can do with this idea and this position.

Here’s why I made this piece though. I already have some college credits under my belt, but I entered college straight out of high school when I really was not emotionally and intellectually prepared. I was still suffering greatly the aftereffects of my emotional abuse and neglect and did not have the right mindset to adopt skills I could use to work with my previous trauma history while succeeding. So, I didn’t. Three years of community college for what was supposed to be a 2 year degree and I didn’t even finish. I ran out of money and not long after that, about four? months later, I started working at Target. At least there I got a lot of job experience because I stayed on for about four and a half years. I had a one day window of leaving Target for my current job (literally, closed my last shift at Target, had Sunday off, and started working at the state on Monday), so really I’ve been working quite a lot since leaving college.

What I started to unpack a lot through my work life thus far is that I am not a failure. I was a kid grieving for their dead sister, struggling with dyscalculia (and I think ADHD, and again the aforementioned emotional abuse and neglect). I was treated like a failure though, and began to believe I was a failure, and I carried that with me for several long years--leading to me not finishing a 2 year degree in 3 years and not motivated enough to keep my grades up anyway. The costs of emotional abuse and neglect are steep.

OH AND MY LIFE-CHANGING PTSD NUCLEAR BOMB DROPPED IN 2011 WHILE I WAS IN COLLEGE SO THAT SUCKED, followed in 2012 with being assaulted (DABS)

(i really shouldn’t use humor talking about this)

But my life shifted. I got into some new interests, I met new friends, I fell in love with Zack, I worked. I WORKED, BITCH and through this I learned that if I’m attached to an idea and I take a lot of pride in it even if it’s just a shitty retail job, I work hard. I was convinced I’d fail out of Target and I’d be fired but that never happened.

And with my job at the state? My boss is encouraging me to go for these accounting classes because I have my foot in the door, and we want to keep it there. And through my job in the state, I kinda see first hand out children’s administration works. It brought me to a level of understanding about what I went through. Should CPS have been called for me? Probably, yeah. I don’t think I would have been removed from the home because home removal isn’t always the option. Through my job, I learned about the various services that CPS offers for struggling families, and we really could have used some of those at the time.

I had to grieve all over again not just that I was abused, but that there were many MANY people in a position to just notice and give enough of a shit to try to look into it further, and nobody did. I had my grandparents and my aunt close by, and earlier this year when I wrote about what I had went through in detail on facebook, my grandpa admitted he had no idea that all of this even happened. With my family I can kind of understand why (we were all dazed after my sister’s death) but my teachers? The school administration? Fuck ‘em. I didn’t let them down, THEY let me down. They reduced my self-worth and belief in myself as a functioning human being down to dust. By 14 I could no longer envision a future for myself and I was already exhibiting some small PTSD-adjacent symptoms like having a sense of foreshortened future. I guess I just kinda thought I’d stop existing by 18, which was the age my sister would have been two days after she died. 14 years old. (EDIT: This is a confusing sentence structure. “14 years old” as in “jesus tapdancing christ I was only 14 and already given up on life” whereas my sister died 2 days before her 18th birthday)

So it’s been a long damn fucking climb out of this mess. I’m turning 29 years old this month and I finally found a compass that can point me in the right direction. The thought of going back to school kinda scares me because I’m worried that maybe I AM a failure, but what’s different is that back then? I was not worried about failing because I already thought I was there to begin with. My mindset has shifted now. Putting in the work is going to be tough, being a social worker is going to be even MORE tough (can’t fucking believe after the shit I went through I’d willingly spend the time, energy, and money to get involved again but I will have power this time), I just. I have this need.

[ifyoucanreadmymindthenimsorry]

I clicked into these fully prepared for the rickrolling and instead I got actual fucking music

As the days go by I’m angrier and angrier I don’t get to see this fucking film

Goncharov score masterpost

I want to make a post to keep track of all the Goncharov score that’s been uploaded to tumblr, so I will link to all the one’s I’ve found so far and update with any new ones that come up (if you know any I’m missing please share the link!)

Main Theme uploaded by @caramiaaddio

Main Theme (End Titles) uploaded by @if-only-angels-could-prevail

The Bridge Breaks uploaded by @nicewizard

The Clocktower uploaded by @dungeonmastersconsortium

Farewell Scene uploaded by @levuna (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

Tempus Fugit - “Clock Theme” uploaded by @trupowieszcz  (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

Goncharov Theme in Minor uploaded by @mapplejuice  (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

Katya’s Leitmotif (Vinyl Rip) uploaded by @unscharf-an-den-raendern  (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

Andrey’s Theme uploaded by @the-frosty-mac (pointed out to me by @muzic4sewerratz , thank you!)

It Is True (Extract) uploaded by @hex-of-els (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

Memories Of Water - Goncharov Soundtrack uploaded by @rismrus (pointed out to me by themself– please do feel free to toot your own horn!)

Katya’s Sonata uploaded by @arcanistvysoren

Bonus:

Cover of the song Goncharov (2010) by @idiopathicsmile  (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

At Goncharov’s Gate (PC Version), song written for the PC game with a Super NES port released in 1994 for PC-DOS, uploaded by @badgraph1csghost (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

[gaylytheyring]

I clicked on that link fully prepared to be rickrolled, but I was pleasantly surprised

I’m trying to work out a good way to tell tumblr i made a 2 player game about dracula and jonathan harker cohabitating awkwardly without making it sound like a grift. i truly just think it would be appreciated here at this particular moment in time.

especially as it takes place exlpicitly during chapter 3 of dracula and ya’ll probably are only a couple days out from it.

anyway i guess this is the post now.

This Game Takes Place In Dracula’s Castle - a two player game about homoerotically testing the boundaries of decorum with a vampire