#I was burnt out off it for a while
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ANOTHER SKETCH DUMP! Featuring more of me playing with lineless art. Batman reborn era trio (dick, damian and steph) I miss you...when will you return from war. Also featuring Steph designs bc I've seen ppl dissatisfied w/ her current look, some good mom Talia, and Jason Todd poetry club. Duke is confused not that Jason would start a poetry club but that he'd have such mid poetry opinions. (ID in Alt)
#dc comics#batfamily#damian wayne#stephanie brown#dick grayson#talia al ghul#duke thomas#cassandra cain#mine#woo new art tag. please god let me keep this up all year#uhh anyway yeah! still a big backlog of sketches but i got burnt out which means i had time to collect some#i feel like my art looks. extremely different w/o lines compared to with? idk i worry that's it weird/off-putting#but hey at the end of the day I'm hardly worrying about my brand integrity on tumblr dot com#duke and cass being at poetry club is based on them canonically being into poetry and for a good while duke and jason got along well#Steph is there for both jason and cass' emotional support (unfortunately there's a design flaw. she can't do both simultaneously)#(which is fine bc cass is fleeing the scene at the idea of having to casually hang out with jason)#(they're the exact amount of similar and more importantly different that it's like putting two firecrackers together. bad)#i really like the steph mask designs... it'd be fun to do something with them but idk what y'know?#I'm just like. if we're assuming that her mask has to be different from both babs and cass then this is what I've got as alternatives#i mostly wanted to practice character interaction with the talia and damian one... and also i love them#looking at james gunns batman movie proposal. you keep your hands OFF HER MR GUNN#please if shes evil in a movie they're never gonna let her be good in the comics again 😭#dc when you inevitably cave and do your next big reboot let the ppl finally have the son of the demon origin (w/ tweaks of course)#idk it's canon in my heart. heartcanon if you will <3#anyway yeah uhhhhhh enjoy?
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drew this instead of working on my computer
#can yall drop some requests in my inbox while i sleep i dont wanna get burnt out from drawing the same white guy over and over again#creep coming on shuffle while im uploading this actually fucking comical#black christmas 1974#billy lenz#slashers#my art#sorry if this comes off as me woobifying him im not good at writing things down OOPS#yes i know his hair is like brown or whatever DONT CAREE#i just know his diagnoses would be fucking insane omg#toontown probably could have saved him if im being real#dont ask me to elaborate on that
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On top of everything else that's happened in the last month or so
(girlfriend breaking up with me / me running off in the night w the friend I was supposed to be maid of honor with bc her (now ex) fiance came home drunk and scared us, while ofc we also both were in swimsuits and had like NO money or even shoes due to incredibly poor timing / Getting stuck in Dallas for TWO MONTHS longer than I meant to be due to bullshit work transfer systems (and admitedly my own inability to remember that deadlines exist) / that same friend going BACK to her shit boyfriend alone to a city 4 hours away from anyone she may call for help if things go wrong / me now no longer having a place in dallas to stay for these next 2 months bc I was SUPPOSED to stay with that friend but her bastard boyfriend doesn't want me in his house anymore bc he knows I'd tell his girlfriend to dump his ass)
I have now lost my fucking house keys.
Anyways I may or may not be way less active for a bit so this is the formal apology and explanation for that. Sorry guys, we are NOT going back to ur normally scheduled rapid fire ninja content as promised for like. A minute. Possibly. We'll see. Sometimes my own motivation wave surprises me.
Tbh it's my own fault for daring to become a fanfic author tbh. Should have known the "sorry I didn't update, my house burned down teehee <3" curse would come for my ass
#this blog will go bafk to normal eventually. as soon as I stop getting hit by bricks. and can think properly.#im going through a lot rn idk#no one look at me#chances are I will go back to normal soon but rn Im burnt out as hell and feeling it in my bones#the hyperfixation isnt healing me like it should#i wanna go back to chicago so bad oh my god#im staying in my parents house for now on my days off and it looks like ill have to do that for the next few months#but its the fucking worse bc that commute is like 2 fucking hours for me MINIMUM on a good day#Also I forgot how many fucking bugs live in this house and how much harder it is to convince myself to eat while living here#man.#sorry this has half turned into a vent post at this point#but also like. whatever. its my blog.#its also 1am and I get up to work in 3 hours. so.#yippie#the next 2 months are going to be wonderful for me.#im sure.#uhhhhh actual fic updates + my art commissions will probably continue as normal#mostly also bc I have hella shit half written already#i just may be quieter than usual on here / not post much au things#which have been slowing down anyways#coincidentally timing well with my girlfriend breaking up with me. but. yk.#happens to the best of us.#anyways stay tuned for fic updates but yeah fewer au posts and art probably#apology also to those sending me asks I really do want to answer#but fatigue and depression has placed its cold hands on the back of my neck which makes me hesitate to do much here#anyways.#birds rambles#should I tag this vent I feel like I should just in case someone has that tag blocked and wouldnt wanna see this#just in case#vent
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“uh … it’s a bit girly … no?” javier examines himself in the reflection of his knife’s blade, looking this-a way and that, the dark blue of a large silken bow now peeking sheepishly around his neck as it sits gently in his hair. next to him, kieran clams up a smidge, hands still held close to his chest nearby his completed ribbon project on javier’s head. he finds it in himself to wring his hands a time or two rather than immediately undo his work as javier seems to continue to formulate his final opinion. “you … think so? look at me?” kieran asks, politely as a mouse. javier easily complies, turns at his hips and looks behind, up at kieran where he sits on the stump above him.
kieran, as he peers over, can’t help the meadow of flush that blooms over his neck, then his ears, then his nose and his cheeks. he can tell javier is deep in thought by the look on his face, mouth twisted just a might sideways, cocking his mustache awry, and the deep wrinkle sat between his brows. the ribbon he used matches javier’s vest perfectly, and the shine of the silk warms bright in the sun, just like every piece of jewelry and metal javier has adorned himself with. with this ribbon, javier’s hair sits lower on his head, ponytail draped down his nape and more hair framing his face in his bangs. kieran resists an urge to tuck one side back behind his ear.
kieran thinks that he looks like a painting, a muse, a love letter so heartbreakingly full of adoration that the only language it could be written in is bright swipes of pigment on a canvas. as he makes eye contact with the silk squinting around the red of a necktie, he thinks that javier may be right, if ‘girly’ could sum up ’poetry written in effeminate reverence’.
kieran always did think women made better art, wrote better books- found a better way to love. softer. warmer. prettier. like javier.
the world sounds like it’s underwater.
“i think … it’s very pretty. it suits you real well.”
earnest to a fault, the look in kieran’s eye dances gingerly with javier’s internal voice. it dips and sways him, and javier, despite his instinct, finds himself charmed by its rhythm.
“-b-but! i could take it out! if you don’t-“ javier looks down at himself in his knife again, the sunlight filtered through the leaves glinting a yellow green around his dark features, and kieran hands him patience on a silver platter. a rich blue makes friends with bright green quite easy, javier thinks. this is how he must look through kieran’s mossy lens.
“pretty … yes. you know, i think you may be right. i’ll keep it. gracias.”
#oizy asked me at some point to write about the exchange that happens when kieran first gives javier his first big ribbon … i think#and i’ve been thinking about it this whole time :’] and i’ve been wanting to write them for a long while now too so i thought it would be fu#n to just jot it down :’] … this could have been written better but i fear if i don’t post it now i never will LOL i’ll just overthink it 🥲#i have a few more writing drafts started that i hope i can finish soon …. writing is very fun for me ! i just … run out of steam easy and th#en never pick drafts up again 💔💔💔 i’m kinda the worst creater ever LOL#anyway ! yeah i think javier initially was very put off by it but kieran with all of his autismo wisdom simply does not gaf about gender#gender* roles. he just thinks ribbons and bows are so pretty and javier walks around like a little peacock so kieran thinks that he (literal#ly) deserves a big pretty bow on top !#this is still in horseshoe overlook actually. right before they move though. in the cusp of that time where javier begins to get curious abo#ut kieran and kieran begins to feel just a teeny weeny bit braver when it comes to … having a personality around the other gang members LOL#and at this point kieran’s attraction to javier (at the very least physically) has been fully realized. javier never really did like him (or#so he thought) but he’s left him completely alone for the past month or so and so kieran thinks he’s got enough emotional berth to try and#give him a gift. that’s why they’re so awkward and weird lowkey LOL javier is still a bit spiteful but i think towards the end of horseshoe#he has moments where he’s able to be very very calm about kieran and try to empathize with him. especially in the moments where kieran is so#kind to him that javier simply cannot find it in himself to think that it’s an act of some sort. it was immediately after this that javier w#ent hunting and gutted a rabbit so hard on accident that he ruined the meat by puncturing the intestines. he confuses even himself sometimes#pining ! but in a really weird and subtle and calm way ! i do think they have their moments where it’s like a wildfire in them and they just#get completely burnt up by it … but sometimes they also pine like the wax and wane of the ocean lapping at the bank. easy. calm. warm. love#unrealized yet but ever-present still. they carry the weight of love in their hearts around every day. these two are burdened by it. but whe#n they are together … this weight … the pits in their stomachs that they cannot rid themselves of … when they are together all of the sudden#it seems as though the world around them slows down. and it’s easy to feel … calm. like they belong there. like they’re okay and safe and ..#free.#anyway. i like them a normal amount :) and sometimes their dynamic is really complicated to me ! and they contradict themselves sometimes !#and that is really fun to me !!!#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#kieran duffy#javier escuella#javieran#hero more like shakespeare
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This is for @draconicsparkle as part of a Secret Santa event done in a Makoyuma server that I’m part of. Figured I’d try to participate.
(Wow for once I don’t draw sick art xD)
Further rambling
This was an idea I had after I read the recent chapter of Web of Truth, Kira’s Monster AU fic. Honestly the fact Makoto felt full and sleepy after just 2 pizza slices was both interesting and cute to me. So…what about a post Christmas sugar crash? And then this idea came up.
A Spider’s First Christmas
Short Story:
Yuma returns from a Christmas Eve party with his college friends, bringing home a platter of a variety of Christmas sweets leaving them on the kitchen counter for a later time since he already ate. As he goes to take a shower for about 20 minutes, brushes his teeth and changed into his wool pajamas and socks, he exits the bathroom and notices that someone else had eaten the entire platter.
Yuma nervously walks to his bedroom to find the culprit as a lump sleeping in his bed. Makoto is seen tucked in, a pair of his front arms sprawled on the bed while the other front pair gently rub his full stomach and various crumbs scattered on his face. He looked satisfied, like a predator who just cornered and devoured his prey. Except in this case, the prey was a plate of gingerbread cookies, candy canes, an entire loaf of fruitcake and a carton of eggnog.
Yuma is bewildered at first but then he gives a small smile. The sweet buffet was clearly a very heavy load, sending the spider-human hybrid into a very deep slumber. Likely his first ever sugar crash or food coma. He did have a much bigger appetite lately since trying various human foods. To Yuma’s surprise, the monster’s fangs retract, and a sweet and gentle smile is left on his face. He looked…oddly cute. Almost an innocent sleeping child waiting for the morning of Christmas to come. But he was clearly happy just to be warm, fed and sheltered from the cold outside. Yuma gives in and decides to sleep on the sofa for the night to not disturb his sleeping guest any further.
“…Merry Christmas Makoto.”
(okay I know yuma's not in his pjs in the art but ITS FINE XD)
I hope you like it c:
Tho my art style is too cutesy to draw this monster spider makoto again… And him having this many limbs is my worst nightmare since I already suck with proper body anatomy so I cheated by using the blanket to cover his other limbs lol I'm not good w drawing monsters...but I wasn't gonna dare try an android... x'D
Bonus w festive sweater :3


#rain code#master detective archives: rain code#rain code spoilers#yuma kokohead#makoto kagutsuchi#monster au#pixeldoodles#my art#may possibly be my final art piece of the year#I'm honestly feeling burnt out this time of year ;w;#the lighting isn't perfect but I tried xD#two versions w lights off and on take your pick LOL#I actually watched spider documentaries while drawing this LOL#spiders are so cool tbh...but not to draw for me LOL#but yeah he's in a food coma after eating allat~ :3c#yuma's got his hands full with this boy no matter what AU X'D#question is does he wake up with a tummyache the next morning?#maybe? maybe not? who can say~
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I won't write this because I'm still in a rut and I have other things to catch up on, but fun AU idea: famous person x normal person AU, except the normal person lives under a rock and has no fucking clue who the famous one is
#the fact that I am finding little plot bunnies again (that i'll inevitably do nothing with) is a good sign!!!#I just hope that the actual words are on their way soon too.#but anyways maybe May's. like. a pokemon ranger who spends most of her time out with no cell connection#but she has to come into Lilycove or somewhere to restock and the Grand Festival happened a couple days ago#and yk. she's wandering the city and enjoying being back around people for a while and all that#and then there's some sort of meet-cute. maybe like Notting Hill. wandering (cough trespassing) in the park at night#and Drew's there because he gets privacy and May's there because she misses being out in nature or whatever#and they meet somehow and she thinks he looks vaguely familiar but she can't place it and doesn't really care#and Drew introduces himself. and he sort of stares for a minute. waiting for her to react.#and she knows she should know him but she doesn't so she bluffs like 'oh you're like a radio host or an author or something! right?'#Drew‚ newly crowned Top Coordinator in the city's Grand Festival two days ago: '...something like that‚ yeah'#and shenanigans ensue idk#she sees his face on a magazine the next day while she's out with fuckin. idk. Gary or whoever else would also be a ranger#and she sees it and is like 'oh hey that's the radio host I met in the woods last night :)'#and Gary's like 'I'm Sorry What. for multiple reasons let's back up there for a second'#and I chose Gary instead of Ash because we all know Ash wouldn't have any damn clue who Drew is either 😭#to me Ash is like one of those guys who can name every linebacker but thinks Jennifer Coolidge is a politician or something#he can tell you everything about every gym leader and pro battler and champion etc. he has also Seen Two Commercials™ for contests.#anyways. it's more of a vague premise than a plot but at least I'm back to 'imagining premises I'll never write'.#and that's better than how I've been doing with writing lately!#and like. earlier today I went to the farmer's market opening day in the rain and got brunch#and I gave myself a genuine day off (...mostly)#and IT TURNS OUT that when you're burnt out‚ taking breaks actually helps you feel better. who'd've thought!!!
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Cain when he first met Charles: Lol, look at this blonde nerd.
Cain when Charles began outclassing him in everything else, sports included: Wtf how are you doing this you FREAK?!
Cain after learning that Charles was a mutant and after his father died: CHARLES XAVIER IS A BITCHASS MFER AND I AM GOING TO FIND A WAY TO STOMP HIS HEAD
Cain after being drafted into war with Charles and finding this cool rock: I will now act upon my hatred
cain may not get too many accolades for his haterism like other haters do but shit do be a lil funny .....
#snap chats#charles wasnt even trying to specifically one up him bro was just That Guy ..... with his telepathy and all ...#and then cain drove them off a ledge but not even Them cause charles pushed cain out of the car in time while he crashed into the ocean#makes me laugh thinking of it tho cause charles is telling this story to the og5 and at this point jeans like#'oh is THIS how you broke your legs' and charles is just 'what- no. no why would you think that'#it just reminds me of that bit from spongebob where its giving the origin on how mermaidman and barancleboy got their superpowers#like all this crazy shit but THATS not what gave them their powers .... lol ..#tho i mean. getting your legs crushed by a boulder isnt all that funny compared to getting super powers from burnt popcorn..#anyways...
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Feeling so shitty today idk what’s going on with me
#why do I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack. like literally nothing is wrong#I have such a crazy pit in my stomach but I have no idea what’s causing it#I feel like maybe I need to go off my birth control? like maybe that’s making me tweak out?#I think I’m really socially burnt out tbh#I love my roommate to the absolute ends of the earth but living with someone who’s such an extrovert when I’m super introverted is hard#I think the prospect of always having to be on and ready to have a conversation at any given moment makes me anxious#idk it’s probably also bc I miss my gf#we’ve had to spend like two months apart which we haven’t had to do in a while#I’m seeing her in like a week and a half but that still feels like forever#anyway lol. sorry about all that#musings 🎀
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something invokes the carnal rage in me when a grown man rages like a two-year old over a video game
#it makes me think of the mothers trying to act like theyre defusing an already blown up bomb and it's literally just#idk#it just gives me the ick im srry the moment i hear one 'me' entitled statement and it's not like#clearly burnt out 'i kinda know im being ironic' ventong#venting LMAO#and just genuine sorrow for urself#over a Digital Game#i just cant srry#maybe it's my youngest to an older brother who everyone gets the ages flipped around Not just from looks but actual Acting#syndrome#and of course context plays a part too like if u have a stressful af job and just wanted to rewind? understandable. id be pissed too#but mfers who just Sit there and continue to stink the whole room up is like. ok. get some air or smthin#i do Not fuck around with throwing or damaging expensive shit ESPECIALLY if u did not pay for it#idk im naturally good at video games i think only bcs i only had access to old one that were way above my age audience#so i had to develop a sense of patterning not just to have competition but to just play the game at all#but still i have gotten frustrated at games bcs everyone gets frustrated at smthing#but usually now. at my grown age. (even tho i Rarely ever game anymore bcs i cant rlly so anything not active in my mind#bcs of Guilt and Constant Dread of Judgement)#when i find myself getting frustrated it's bcs im purposefully either playing a harder level/mode/with better ppl so i can advance#and the advancing is just not happening#i acknowledge that and accept not every difficulty can be passed at one time or at all sometimes in my limited time/care so i just either#Shut it Off. or go back down to a pace i know can just be carefree#i DO have a thing where i Need to end on a win. which is not good bcs i do that with everythin (like sports) in order to justify me quittin#but if i have to get out of the rlly competitive lobby to get my dopamine then i will bcs this is meant to give u that#anyways it's just insane. ted complains abt superfocus while being superfocused himself on the concept of superfocus#the neverending story#DO anything not active** idk it's my fear of death maybe that i disease myself with everything needing a purpose when it comes to gain
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it's difficult being home
#to anyone I talk to on the regular notice me being off i apologise#i just can't handle the expectations of being home and the inability to care for my disabilities in peace#it's the casual kind of neglect of my health and emotional state and constant expectations to do stuff#if im in my room im distant if im in the sitting room im imposing on my sister and the rest of the family#i feel unwanted and unfitting because while im not the only disabled child i am the oldest and should have been the best of us#i can't act out because taking up space and demanding anything from anyone only gets me burnt#i don't have the worst family by far not even among my friends but. it's hard being here#vent#i guess
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cant stop thinking about that potential new job. im so desperate to know the pay because they specifically say it’s in line with federal govt pay scales but they dont give enough details for me to hunt down actual numbers
#fed govt pay scales are based on type of job + level and i dont have. either of those. i can guess. but i want to Know#ive decided if its 80k or higher im pretty much sold. like thats Settle Down pay for me#thats ‘the whole reason im doing more school’-level pay#it would be kind insane to get that Now also. i wasnt expecting to get there until after being designated i.e. next year#at the absolute earliest and even then it’s probably be like 1/2way through the year because. job search etc#buuuuut …#would take a Significant amount of financial stress off of me#however. weighing that against the stress of dealing with a new full time job while already burnt out & doing school …#like again. if i werent in school i would just full steam ahead lets go#but. i gotta Survive the next 7.5 months. lmfao. so.#freewheeling bitextual#but yeah the potential dramatic change in my finances is keeping me up at night fr
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Cosmic Eclipse and First Contact for the Kick-in-the-Pants Writer's Ask, please?
Cosmic Eclipse: 103 words!
He could shoot Moriarty, but the probability of getting a shot off before the snipers fired.... No. The explosives. They could bring this whole place down, and at least they would take Moriarty with them. But where was the vest John had taken off? Sherlock couldn't see....
First Contact: 136 words!
Once it became clear that the aliens weren't going to immediately start shooting laser guns or levitating people into their spaceship and start probing them, the army seemed to relax a little.
#ask and you shall receive#valiantarcher#ask games#bbc sherlock#cosmic eclipse#inklings challenge#first contact#i think i'm going to hold off on this ask game for a while#gotta finish my inklings challenge story by monday and then i need to focus on comfyvember#(and then depending on how burnt out that makes me i might need to take a break from writing! @_@)#when i need more help in deciding where to focus my energies i may reblog the kick in the pants ask game again with updated options
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im not built for living bro
#✧ chatting !#sighs#im so glsd my mom is coming back this sunday. bc im soso tired#honestly doing all this stuff was fine the first couple months but i feel so burnt out now LOL#waht do u mean ive been handling almost all the household affairs for abt half a year now. jesus christ#and my sisters stress me out so bad too all they do is fight 😭😭 im so turned off having kids bro#ugh . anyways#maybe ill shower first. to wake myself up#then do groceries while i have lunch.#then chores ? ig ??? ouhhhhhh
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#me: oof I better rest up before that seven-day-on streak I’m gonna have at work next week#my boss yesterday: Hi. can you work tomorrow?#me: …sure why not. (I’ll still have one day off at least)#my boss today: So. can you work tomorrow too?#me: . . . . *burnt out but needs the money* looks like we’re having a 9-day-on streak#me: *singing wildly off key* I ain’t got nothin but love girl // nine days a week @_@#in other words sned hlep#also I'm trying to start another job which may mean that soon I will basically have *NO* days off#wheeee~~~#sooo fuuuun~~~~~#Edit: WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT LABOUR DAY#bless that little day for the only respite I am likely to have for a while :')#update: sure hope I don’t have to go downtown on restock day. which is labour day too. please god no.
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#sending out resumes as a career changer because i’m going back to school in the fall and trying to get a less stressful/busy job 👈👈😎#having to rewrite the whole thing so i don’t get automatically written off as overqualified just because i’m not looking for a job that’s#a ‘next logical career step’ like! i just want an easy job for a while! hire me to be an office manager or an hr assistant or something 😤#i don’t WANT to be head of hr or director of culture or whatever i’m BURNT OUT 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️#[caveat of me acknowledging that this is a very privileged position to be in etc but it is frustrating out there]
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Having a tough day at work, just trying to stay calm and make it pass quickly.
#im getting over being sick#and i had a few days off in a row for the first time in a while#and its just making it hard to not get flustered#vent#i dont know#i just feel kind of raw emotionally and im still burnt out for some reason
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