#I was actually inspired to write that extra because one of my betas had so many questions about Wendy in EWILY lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sanaxo-o · 11 months ago

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Be the one (Eric Sohn)

To @deobienthusiast K, from Sana: Hihi K :) I know that we don’t talk much (which is a shame because I think your company would be a great addition to my lonely life) but I really had so much fun writing this for you. Despite not being able to write for Sangyeon and Juyeon (I was thinking about making three different fics but *sigh* time is a bitch). I hope we get closer in the future and that you enjoy this small silly fic I wrote for one and only, Eric Sohn hehe.

Warnings: kissing, drinking, cheating, in a scene Juyeon jokingly implies that readers a bad person, um mentions of balls (don’t ask, just read), reader and Eric act stupid (way to much), mentions of peeing and all (plz don’t judge me yall 😭), PG 13 jokes (yes), reader jokingly says that she is in a relationship with a old man, mentions of doing excessive amount of drinking and drugs, few scenes inspired by TV show Gilmore Girls and a classic movie 10 Things I hate about you, some of it is inspired by Sabrina Carpenters song Santa doesn’t know you like I do.

Genre/trope: angst, fluff, friends to lovers, slow burn, hurt/comfort

Taglist: @cloverdaisies @kimsohn @mosviqu @from-izzy @mars101 @stealanity @deoboyznet

Sana: this actually took everything in me to write 😭. Like I have never in my life ever written slow burn so this was definitely a challenge! A big thanks to @mosviqu @from-izzy (especially izzy for giving me all those correct punctuations and all 😭) and @o-onikix for beta reading this huge ass thing of mine 😭 (also to my irl friend for reading bits and pieces and giving me the confidence)

Word count: 13,785

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“Are you coming to the Christmas party?” You hear Soyeon ask you. Stopping in your tracks in the middle of the hallway, you turn around to face her again as you give out a small sigh at her repetitive question. The answer was going to be the same either way so you don’t understand why she is so persistent on getting you to come to the Christmas party.

“No, I don’t think I am coming to the Christmas party thanks for asking tho.” You say as you give out a small annoyed smile before you continued walking to your next class with Soyeon tailing behind you.

“But why? It’s the last party you will get!” She says once she catches up with you.

“There’s…there’s prom?” You say with your lips pressed in a straight line. Dropping by your locker you pick up a few extra books you needed for the next class.

“Which you will never attend! Come on, it’s gonna be so fun at the party.” She says with a pout resting upon her lips as she shakes your arms back and forth trying to convince you.

“Parties are not my thing. You know it and it’s like any other typical party I have attended in the past. There would be loud music, then of course, alcohol which was sneaked in by others and in every other corner would be people making out. On top of that, no one has asked me out yet.” You tell her before you push her away gently and close your locker with a thud.

“No one is asking you because they’re scared you will reject them like every time.” You hear Soyeon mumble with the small pout still resting upon her lips as she played with her sleeves trying to gain your sympathy which she was miserably failing at.

“Even if I do come I won’t enjoy it.” You point out as a matter of fact.

“What about Eric? He can ask you out!” She suggests totally ignoring the fact that you just said that you won’t enjoy the party either way. But you let out a snort when you register the fact that she just said that Eric could ask you out. At this point it was a normal thing for her, in every other conversation she would always manage to bring up Eric.

She thinks Eric is the perfect boyfriend anyone could ever ask for and from her point of view she says that Eric is totally smitten for you which is most definitely not true because after all you both are just really close friends.

Despite the sweet names he calls you by, holding your hand when it’s cold to warm you up, buying food for you as his treat, the occasional sleepovers at his place on every Friday as you both cuddled together on the same bed and of course the way he’s always looking after you no matter what.

You still remember the day when you had fallen sick and Eric by all means tried his best to manage everything on his own. From taking care of you to helping you complete your notes despite being from different majors.

“Eric? He’s just a friend, nothing more, nothing less.” Saying that you start walking away.

“I beg to differ, every other person thinks that you and Eric are dating!” Soyeon says with a whisper.

“I don’t care what every other person thinks and that’s not even true, I mean yeah I used to have a thing for Eric in the past but I am over it. He already likes someone else I guess…” you say, your voice coming out small.

Giving you a look Soyeon looks at you with a knowing look “Are you sure about that?” She says before stifling a laugh when she sees the glare you throw her way.

“Yes I am sure about that and as I said before Eric already likes some else..” you say with a slight groan at the end.

“What are you talking about? Eric and Yuna broke up months ago and not to say you’re still single. It’s a perfect opportunity!!” Soyeon says with an excited smile now playing upon her lips.

“Nah, Eric and me are better off as friends I’d say.” Saying that you walk away from Soyeon and enter your class.

Taking a seat at the very end of the class, you place your bag and books on the table before you get your headphones out.

Looking out the window you looked at the calm stretched morning, it was like any other day you would have. The professor was blabbing away about something you did not care enough to pay attention to.

You would catch up on it later on anyways but the morning was ruined when the door slammed open and one of your peers, Sunwoo walked in with rage.

Standing right in front of you he leaned down to speak with you, “How could you leave me yesterday night? After the amazing night we had you just storm out in the morning just like that with no other thought in mind?? How could you Y/N!?” Sunwoo screamed loudly as he continued, “I thought we were heading som-” Another uninvited yell cut him off. getting cut off Sunwoo was interrupted with another yell.

“What the hell man? How could you just barge in like that? I told you, Y/N is with me now.” You see Eric say as he approaches you and Sunwoo.

“You stay out of this Eric!” Sunwoo yells at him.

“Why? Just because you cannot have her why blame it on me?”

“You asked for it you little shit!” Sunwoo yells at Eric as he pounces on top of him.

Looking around the room you see everyone whisper things while watching the fight unfold in front of them, and if that was not enough in came Juyeon with a security guard outfit on as he blew the whistle to stop the two of them from fighting.

“All right that’s enough you two!” Juyeon yells as he goes over to both of them and picks them up by their collar before he turns around and looks at you while still having a hold of them. “Y/N you should be ashamed of yourself for toying with boys like this! They used to have pride, they used to have dignity and most of all they used to have balls!” Juyeon yells as he starts dragging both of them to the door before stopping midway “Damn it Y/N, give them back their balls!” Saying the last line all three of them exited the class before laughter began to erupt everywhere.

Looking around you slide down against the chair trying to hide yourself. You knew being friends with them meant having some crazy experiences but never did you ever think that they would do something like this.

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Sitting in the cafeteria with Soyeon, you listened to her babble about something that happened in her class before she stopped talking when Eric approached your table with Sunwoo and Juyeon by his side.

You just observed him take a seat beside you before he grabbed a French fry from your plate. Sighing you just pushed the bowl towards him, suddenly having no appetite.

“I hated the stunt you pulled in the class today. Like no I do not have your balls. Just because you’re the son of a rich man does not mean you do this.” You say with a solemn voice as you drink your cup of coffee.

“Seriously Y/N? Having coffee at lunchtime?” Eric asked with a deadpan expression as he looked at you with confusion totally ignoring about the fact that you were mad at him.

“No, don’t change the subject. I am still talking. I mean who in the right mind would do something like this? It's so humi-” Before you could finish your whole sentence your mouth was stuffed with a bunch of fries in your mouth. Chewing onto them you glared at Eric before you looked away from him.

“Okay, I am sorry I did that. How about I make up for pulling this stunt which was in your language very much absurd and humiliating?” You hear Eric ask you. Stopping yourself from taking any more sips of your now almost empty cup of coffee you gave him a look of suspicion, not believing him yet.

“And how will you do that?” You say with suspicion evident in your voice, you did not even try to hide it.

“I know about a carnival which is happening in my area. How about I take you there? Good enough?” Eric asks with his hand out for a handshake.

“You pay for everything and buy me a soft toy?” You ask with hesitation before you grab his hand and shake it to seal the deal.

“Whatever you say, sweetheart. So I’ll meet you at your place at 4?” He asks before standing up from the bench. Nodding your head you give him a small smile as you wave him goodbye.

“Looks like a date,” you hear Soyeon say once Eric leaves the cafeteria with Sunwoo and Juyeon. Throwing a glare at her you stand and gather your things getting ready to leave for your next class.

“It’s not a date, he’s just making up to me for the stunt he pulled on me today in my class which was by the-”

“Very humiliating and embarrassing. Gee, you said that already Y/N. Say whatever you want but I totally see you two dating in the near future.” She says with an irritatingly knowing voice as she blows a kiss towards your way before she watches your figure walking away.

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Standing outside your house you look at your watch in impatience, it was 4:02 and there was still no sight of Eric. Rather than being mad at him for being late you were rather more concerned about him, what if something happened to him on the way here? Is he alright or what if he had hurt himself really bad leading to him being late?

Your train of thoughts came to a stop when you saw Eric’s car pull up at your driveway. Heaving out a sigh of relief you walk towards his car and take a seat in the passenger seat.

“Why are you so late?” You ask him once you put on your seatbelt and sit comfortably on the seat.

“Only two minutes sweetheart, why so worked up?” Eric says with a chuckle as he gives your head a soft pat with a teasing smile playing on his lips.

“I was worried about you. What if something would have happened to you while coming here? How would I know? You did not even give me a call. Why were you even late?” You ask him again with a frown evident on your lips and your eyebrows raised up in a tense manner.

“Aww, you were worried about me, sweetheart?” He says in a sing-song voice as he starts the car.

“No, I was not. I was worried about the fact that you got in an accident before you took me to the carnival.” You lied to him trying to cover up for yourself, you did not want him to get cocky about this again.

It did not take long for both of you before you reached the carnival. Stopping the car in the parking lot Eric parked the car safely without bumping into anything (which you were surprised at because a normal person would have gotten distracted by your constant yapping unlike Eric who paid attention to every single word you said yet managed to park the car safely).

Getting out of the car and locking it, Eric came and stood by your side as he subtly took a hold of your hand and intertwined his fingers with yours as he started walking towards the entrance without looking at your now red blushing face.

“Where do you want to go first, sweetheart?” You heard Eric ask which snapped you out of your train of thoughts. Looking around the carnival you saw the area for the prize stuffed animals.

Without any thoughts, you started dragging Eric towards the area ignoring his shoutings which were telling you to slow down.

Stopping at the game you looked at Eric before looking back at the stuffed animals, raising your hand you pointed at the animal you wanted “Can you win the penguin stuffed animal for me?” You ask him.

“Um…yeah sure, why not if that’s what you want sweetheart,” Eric says as he takes the arrows given by the worker and looks at the balloons intently.

He had five arrows and five chances to win the toy. To get it he would have to pop three balloons. Observing the balloons, Eric moved his hair out of his eyes as he threw the first dart.

—x—

“Eric, this is your third time. You really don’t have to go to this extent to get me the toy you know? Why don’t we just go to the Ferris wheel hmm?” You ask him tiredly as you shake his arms.

“Shhh I am trying to concentrate here. You know, as they say, third time’s a charm. If I don’t succeed this time, I will leave it okay?” He says as he starts to throw darts again.

And he did it. He did win you the penguin.

“Here, I told you I would get you this so I did. Do you like it sweetheart?” Eric says as he pats your head gently and softly grips your hand again before he starts walking towards a different area.

Nodding your head you stare at the stuffed toy in your hand lovingly and bring it close to your chest giddily as you hug it close to your body tightly “I love it so much! Thank you for winning this for me. I will always keep it close to me.” You exclaim happily.

“I am glad you like it,” Eric says with a sheepish smile spread across his face, glad that you were happy with the prize he won.

“You wanna try that?” You hear Eric’s voice beam with excitement. Looking up you follow his gaze and see the paintballs area. Giving Eric a knowing smile, both of you run towards the place with your hands still intertwined together tightly.

—x—

Looking around the place cautiously you look down at your bag of colour balloons again. Counting the remaining balloons you take a deep breath in when you realise you still have 10 left. That should do for now then.

Your train of thoughts were interrupted when you felt a cold balloon hit your neck. Snapping your head back you notice Eric standing behind you, a white jumper on which now had a bunch of different colours splashed onto it.

His hair was now messy as he held the dirty, balloon-filled bag in his one hand while his other hand had a balloon.

Looking around frantically you hide behind a huge pipe as you grab a balloon and wait for Eric to show up. Taking a peak you immediately throw the balloon in his direction which in return hits him on his stomach.

You saw Eric running towards your direction, picking your pace up,you started running away only to be caught by him in no time.

“Thought you could get away from me sweetheart?” Eric says as he splashes the balloon on top of your head which makes the paint fly everywhere.

“Okay okay, I am done. I don’t have any more left.” You declare with a defeated sigh. Once Eric lets you go, you take a peek at him only to see him look around the place. Taking that as a chance you grab the last balloon you had and hit it on his head which makes his hair dye the colour of the balloon.

Taking his shock manner as a chance you run away from the scene with laughter blaring through your throat and a content smile spread across your face.

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Sitting on the table placed by the food truck, you stabbed your fork into the pasta that Eric had bought for you. Having a big bite you looked around the place, admiring the lively atmosphere, the little happy giggles coming from the kids who were happily spending time with their families.

You later saw Eric walking towards your direction with a box of donuts in one hand while his other held a large iced cup of cold drink.

Reaching your table he placed both of the stuff on the table as he himself took a seat in front of you in exhaustion.

“Here, have some donuts and cold drinks. The line was so long like who the fuck drinks so much liquid at a carnival?” Eric says in annoyance

You look down at the big cup in your hand and then back at Eric as you slowly keep it back on the table “Well…us.” You tell him awkwardly before you grab the cup again and take a sip from it.

Eric stares at you for a moment before he looks at the cup filled with iced coke, “I mean, other than us, why would anyone want to drink liquid? What if they have to pee after drinking so much coke?” He pointed out as he raised his hand to point at a guy behind you who was peeing by the trees.

Looking away immediately, you glare at Eric in disgust and trauma.

“I did not need to see that thank you very much.” You say sarcastically as you take a bite from the donut which was in front of you. “But why would they pee after drinking coke?”

“Why won’t they? It’s liquid sweetheart. Everyone needs to pee after drinking liquids, be it water, alcohol or cold drinks.” He says as he grabs your donut and takes a bite out of it.

“Hey that’s mine! Grab another one.” You say with a scowl on your face as you throw a nasty glare towards Eric.

“But I bought it!” Eric argues back only to sigh in defeat once he realised that he cannot win against you. “Fine fine, you have it.” He says with a roll of his eyes jokingly before he speaks up again. “So do you have any plans for the Christmas break?” He asks before taking a sip of the cold drink.

“Oh, I am gonna be spending some time with my boyfriend!” You beam with happiness, a cheeky smile resting upon your cheeks.

“What…boyfriend?” He asks with confusion all over his face. I mean from what he can remember you had never mentioned anything to him about you finding a partner, so this was a sudden news for him.

“He’s a bit older, has grey hair and a beard, but rest assured he’s like super hot.” You tell him, a smile still playing upon your lips

“Are you serious right now or…?” Eric asks in concern as he places his hands on top of yours, stopping you from eating “Sweetheart please don’t tell me your boyfriends an old creep. Where is he even from?”

“He’s from a city which is colder than it’s here. He came here for his break to spend some time with me. Cute right?” You give Eric a small smile as you grab a donut and take a bite out of it ignoring the concerned glance Eric was throwing your way.

“Are you actually serious about this or you’re just joking with me and pulling my leg again? If you're, I am telling you, this is not a funny sweetheart.” Eric rambled on as his hold on your hands tightened in worry.

“Of course, I am not serious, but do you know who else is old and hot?” You ask him with peak interest as you lean closer to him trying to build up some suspense for him which you were clearly failing at when you saw Eric looking at you with confusion before he muttered out a small ‘what?’

“Santa.” you say with a straight face. You noticed Eric’s lips twitching upwards as he tried to stop himself from letting out a small smile at your silly response.

“Well thank god you were just joking about that old guy thing.” Eric says with relief washed all over his face as he leaned back on the chair with ease.

“But you have to agree, Santa is really hot and sexy. Like have you seen that beard and that thick figure he has? Like damn daddy, have some mercy on me please.” You say to Eric with a straight face, enjoying the reaction he was giving you.

Eric licked his dry lips as he stayed quiet. Not knowing what to say with your ridiculous statement and the unwanted information he just received about what you think about Santa.

“Whatever makes you sleep at night, sweetheart.” Eric says as a small smile lingers on his lips. Man, was he smitten for you?

Yes, yes he was.

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Laying down on your bed you spent the night watching shows. Soyeon lays beside you as she used her phone paying no mind to the ridiculous comments you kept passing to her whenever a character did something insanely stupid or idiotic.

“Oh wait, you never told me how your date went with Eric?” Pausing the show you stared at Soyeon when she beamed at you with such a ridiculous question, a silly smile falling upon her face as she stared at you expectantly waiting for your response.

“What date?” You ask with boredom present in your voice as you stare at the wall, not having the courage to look at Soyeon in the eyes.

“You know! The date with Eric! The carnival!” She says now shaking your arm aggressively as she let out a small whine at your uncooperative ass.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about..” you say in a sing-song voice before you push her away as she dramatically falls off the bed onto the floor.

You heard a gasp leaving her lips, “My butt!” She exclaims.

From the corner of your eyes, you see Soyeon stand up before she grabs your laptop and closes it shut before you can even reply. Grabbing it, she placed it aside on the side table before she slammed her body down on you with force.

“Tell me about your date or else I am not getting up.” She says, her voice coming out muffled since her face was placed onto your shoulder.

“I did not go on a date with Eric first of all! He is just a friend and get off of me! You’re fucking heavy!” You cry out in pain, your voice coming out a bit heavy because of the force Soyeon was putting onto your body, tho half of it was acting she does not have to know about that now, does she?

“Okay okay, whatever you say! Just tell me how your night went with Eric!” Soyeon screams in frustration as she stands up from the floor and looks up at you.

“What do you mean by my night? That sounds so wrong…you make it sound like Eric and I banged together…” you say with a pout as you play with your sleeves acting as if you were shy.

“Well…did you?” She says with suspicion evident on her face and her tone as she squinted her eyes at you while leaning down with her hands on her hips.

“No!” You scream at her as you throw the nearest pillow you caught at her. Throwing a glare in her direction you stay quiet. “Now I don’t feel like telling you about my friendly date with Eric.” You tell her as you show her your tongue and look away from her, sulking.

Hearing you say that, Soyeon groans in frustration as she sits down beside you on the bed again. “Don’t be like this. Tell me please,” she pleads while batting her eyelashes to you, a way to gain your sympathy back.

Groaning at her behaviour you close your eyes with the palms of your hands as a way to protect yourself from the sight in front of you. “Fine! Just stop whatever the fuck that is. It’s making me nauseous geez.” You say with a whine.

Hearing you say that Soyeon immediately stops batting her eyelashes as she sits straight while clearing her throat, “Go on.”

“Well nothing much happened, he won a soft toy for me, played a few games-”

“What kind of games?” Soyeon interrupts you in excitement.

“Paint balls…”

“Aww you guys had a date which was in 10 things I hate about you! So cute!” Soyeon squeals. Looking at her in disbelief and disgust you sigh as you continue what you were saying.

“We then ate, chatted a bit and he dropped me of. That’s it.” You tell her what happened.

“That’s it? No kissing? No nothing?” She says with disappointment in her tone of voice.

“Why would that happen? Come on grow up. Mine and Eric’s love life is way different, and his and my type are also very much different. He likes girls who are much…how do I say it…calm?” You say with a question mark evident on your features.

Soyeon shakes her head in disappointment as she lays down on her back on the bed “When will you both understand about the feelings you guys hold for each other?” Soyeon says mostly to herself but you catch on to it but decide to say nothing on it.

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Sitting at the back of the class you sketch in your notebook as you don’t pay attention to what your classmates are talking about.

Sighing, you look up for a bit and notice Sangyeon entering the classroom, dropping down your pencil on the notebook you wait for Sangyeon to approach you.

Picking up your bag, you keep it aside and wait for Sangyeon to take a seat beside you.

“Hey, what are you doing?” You hear Sangyeon ask you once he reaches your place. Giving him a small smile you look down at your sketchbook and then back up at him

“Nothing, was just sketching. What are you doing here though?” You ask with expectant eyes.

It was not that common for Sangyeon to be in your classes. He was in a different major so it was very uncommon for both of you to cross each other’s paths unless you both met at a party or just in the cafeteria where your other friends would be.

“Are you free this Saturday? Some of us are going out after our afternoon classes. Maybe you could join us?” Sangyeon suggests as he looks into your eyes with expectation

“I don’t know…do we have to bring someone along with us?”

“It’s not necessary, if you want to you can. Eric is bringing this…Yuna girl with him to tag along. You can bring someone if you want. Maybe Soyeon?” Sangyeon gives you a suggestion.

You just stare at him blankly when you hear him say about Eric bringing Yuna with him. You thought they had broken up…but maybe not? It was all just a rumour then, huh?

But what about the time you both spent together that day at the carnival? Was it not a date? Wait of course not, you guys are just friends. That’s it, right? Right?

“He got back together with Yuna?” You question Sangyeon, your voice wavering a bit at the end.

You don’t know why you’re even upset when you hear Sangyeon say this. You should be happy right? Happy for Eric getting back in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend? Happy for his love life at least going somewhere? But you were not happy. Not even a bit.

It’s as if someone had punched you hard in the gut which caused you to stop breathing and you felt like you were gonna faint any moment.

“I…I don’t know. He just said something about him inviting Yuna. I was not paying that much attention. I am sorry but is there something wrong? You don’t look so well right now.” Sangyeon said with concern laced in his voice.

“I am fine, yeah I just…I just need some alone time. I should get going. See you around!” You tell him as you tuck your hair behind your ear and start packing up your stuff.

“Wait! Are you going to come with us on Saturday? You can decline if you don’t want to. It’s alright-” Before Sangyeon could finish his sentence you stopped in your tracks as you turned back around and took a deep breath in before speaking again.

“I will come on Saturday. Don’t worry!” Saying that you rushed out of the classroom to your dorm.

You needed to vent this feeling to someone and there was no other person who could help you other than Soyeon.

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Entering the dorm you looked around the living room for any signs of Soyeon. Calling out her name you heard her voice in the kitchen.

Running towards the kitchen you just stood in front of Soyeon with tear-filled eyes, “I think you were right, So” You say softly as you looked up at the ceiling trying your best not to let your tears flow.

“What are you talking about Y/N? What was I right about? I mean I am always right..” she said in a joking manner but stopped immediately when she saw your tear-stained cheeks.

“I think I do have feelings for my best friend after all…” you say your voice barely above a whisper but Soyeon heard it crystal clear.

“I would have said told you so but looking at your condition, I think I can postpone it.” She says as she walks towards you and holds you in her arms. “Now would you tell me why you’re crying over the fact that you actually do have feelings for Eric? Shouldn’t you be thinking about how to confess to him or something?” She says to you while rubbing your arms to create some kind of warmth and comfort.

“He is…he i…back with Yuna I guess…” you tell her softly as you bury your face in her neck trying to control your uncontrollable sobbing.

“What?? But didn’t he break up with her?” Soyeon asks in shock as she stops rubbing your arms and pulls away from you to take a look at your now red eyes and tear-stained face.

“Well I thought so too but Sangyeon said that he invited Yuna over to the place they’re going on Saturday and I don’t know what to do. What if I lose him? I don’t want that!” You say with panic filling your voice.

“Don’t worry. I won’t let that happen. You and Eric are destined to be together and I know that Yuna is not permanent...I guess. I mean I hope so.” She said as she chuckled nervously while scratching her nape.

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Entering the barbecue place, you immediately noticed your group of friends sitting by a table in a circle. Soyeon decided to tag along with you as she had nothing better to do, I mean better for you.

Reaching the table you noticed that Eric was sitting beside Yuna as they both chatted without even sharing anyone else a glance.

“Oh Y/N! Great, you're here!” You heard Sangyeon beam making you divert your attention to him as you gave him a small smile and took a seat beside him as Soyeon sat beside Sunwoo.

“Yeah me and Soyeon had nothing else to do so thought why not just join you guys.” You say with a small chuckle.

“I am glad. Would you like a drink?” Sangyeon asks as he leans forward to grab a bottle of beer only to be stopped by you.

“No no, it’s okay. I don’t really drink much.” You tell him as you grab his hand so that he doesn’t get the bottle of beer.

“Well if you say so,” Sangyeon says as he pulls back and gets more comfortable beside you.

—x—

The night was still young. Most of the guys were drunk as they sang some songs the whole time while eating.

The whole time you tried your best to not steal glances at Eric but whenever you did, you always saw him chatting with Yuna, and every time you saw that you felt your heart ache in pain. You desired to be there instead of her but that’s not gonna happen, you both are just friends after all.

Looking around the restaurant you started to have trouble breathing. As if you were getting suffocated in there. The place was getting too stuffed for you.

Standing up you excuse yourself from the group as you walk away once you grab your bag and phone.

In the rush of getting yourself out of the place, you failed to notice the pair of eyes which followed your every moment, till he himself stood up and decided to follow you out.

—x—

Sitting down on the footpath with your heels in your hands you stared down at the ground with no thoughts in your mind.

Placing your heels down on the ground, you bring your arms up to cover and warm yourself up by the cold. You were already heartbroken, you wouldn’t want to catch a cold on top of that too knowing he wouldn’t be there to look after you since he is now a taken man.

“Hey,” you hear a voice say behind you. Already knowing that it is none other than Eric you don’t bother enough to look back up at him as you just continue staring ahead of you with no particular thought in mind.

You noticed him take a seat beside you on the footpath by your peripheral vision, you did not even bother enough to say anything back.

“Why are you out here alone? You might catch a cold sweetheart..” Eric says softly before he removes his jacket and places it on top of your shoulders.

Shrugging the jacket off you give it back to him without looking him in the eye. “You don’t have to do this anymore. People might get a wrong idea or something since you’re now back together with Yuna.” You mutter under your breath as you place the jacket on his lap.

“Why are you acting so cold towards me out of nowhere sweetheart?” Eric whispers softly as he tries to hold onto your cold hand only to get pushed away by you.

“Do you not get it? Eric…you’re now back together with Yuna! You cannot act like this with me now. People will think you’re cheating on her or something and I don’t want to be the other woman in a relationship.” You tell him what you had in mind as you take in a deep breath trying not to lash out at him and say something you don’t want to.

“Sweetheart, what me and Yuna have is totally temporary. I like our relationship, I like the fact that you’re my best friend.” You close your eyes in pain when you hear him say that you’re just his best friend. Exactly, nothing more nothing less. Those were also the words you said to Soyeon so why do you loathe these words now? It’s not like the meaning has changed or anything but your feelings surely did.

“That’s the thing Eric, I…” you inhale a deep breath in as you stop yourself from saying what you have been meaning to say. Yes, you liked Eric but ruining your friendship with him just for that is not worth it. Because even if you do get into a relationship with him, which is nearly impossible, what if you both break up? Your friendship and your relationship would be ruined forever.

“Sweetheart, please tell me. Don’t keep your feelings bottled up.” Eric says as he leans forward towards you and brings your body closer to his warmer one as he held your shoulders in a tight grip while giving your forehead light kisses to calm you down.

Just being in his arms at that moment made you break down in front of him. Your eyes immediately turned red, your nose turning a shade of pink as your cheeks started to get stained with your tears.

You saw Eric raising his other hand as he gently wiped your tears away, “Just tell me when you’re ready. I am always here for you.” Eric says softly

Taking a deep breath in you collect yourself together as you lean away from his warm embrace, you immediately feel the cold envelop you making your hands shake from the cold.

“Eric I…I like you. I never thought that I would ever have feelings for you in this way but the more time we spend together, the more my feelings grew. I always denied this feeling whenever Soyeon said anything but when I heard Sangyeon tell me that you’re back together with Yuna…I just felt my stomach drop. I felt hurt all over, I could not breathe properly because that was the time I realised that…that maybe I like you more than a friend. Now I know that we would never get together because of our differences but I just feel like you needed to know about this since well you’re my best friend and I tell you everything. I totally understand if you need some time away from me since this might have been a shock for you but please, don’t break up our friendship.” You say everything you ever wanted to let Eric know. You knew that this was probably a bad decision but you just had to let him know. “I should go now…see you around?”

You were about to get up when you felt a hand grip your wrist stopping you from getting up. Looking down at your wrist you noticed Eric holding onto it.

“Do you really like me?” He says as he leans closer towards you, his hand still gripping your wrist. Nodding a bit, you notice him lean even more closer as he leaves your hand and grabs a hold of your cheeks.

Both of his hands cradles your cheeks as he holds them delicately, staring deep into your eyes his gaze moves down towards your lips before he looks back up at you.

Placing your hand on his chest, you stop him before he manages to kiss you, “You cannot do this. You’re in a relationship with Yuna, it’s…it’s wrong.”

Groaning at your answer Eric goes back to his original place not having the energy to argue at what you said because no matter what, he was not a man who would cheat on a woman to be with another.

He was gonna kiss you because he was not in the right state of mind, right? Not because he might also be having feelings for you? No, he wouldn’t, if he did he would not have been in a relationship with Yuna.

“Oh Y/N! Great, you're here…with Eric?” You hear a voice say behind you. Looking back you notice Sangyeon coming out with a drunk Soyeon leaning on his shoulders.

Giving him a small wave you stand up from the footpath and walk towards him before getting a hold of Soyeon. “Yeah. I was just about to leave, I can take Soyeon back home. You can go back in and enjoy.” You tell him as you give him a soft smile.

“No, let me drop you off. Soyeon is already drunk so I will just drive you back to your dorm. I have my car with me.” Sangyeon says before he starts walking away with Soyeon still in his hold only to stop midway and turn back around to look at Eric. “You might want to go in and check up on your girlfriend Eric. She’s drunk and trying to kiss Sunwoo…” Sangyeon tells Eric with slight disappointment laced in his tone.

Giving Sangyeon a small nod, Eric looks at you with a longing gaze as he watches you walk away with Sangyeon and Soyeon.

Heading back towards the restaurant he opens the door and sighs tiredly when he sees Yuna babbling some incoherent words because of how drunk she is.

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Sitting by the kitchen counter you stare at Soyeon as she drinks the coffee you made for her.

“I am having such a bad headache…” she mumbles as she takes the last sip of the coffee and places the cup down on the table before she diverts her attention to you.

“So…are you gonna tell me about what happened yesterday or?” You breathe out a sigh as you place your head on your palms in agony.

“I confessed to Eric…” you tell her the truth. You could hear her let out a small gasp in surprise as she stood up from her seat and sat down beside you.

“What did he say?” She asks with her hands on your shoulder before she forcefully makes you face her.

“Nothing…but I think he was gonna kiss me if I had not stopped him..” you say with a frown resting upon your lips before you shrug off her hands and gaze at the floor.

“He what??!” Soyeon screams in shock, “You know what Y/N? I cannot look at you being heartbroken like this anymore. Why don’t you go on a date? Maybe that would make you feel better.” Soyeon says as a suggestions

“But I don’t think it would be fair for the other person knowing I still have feelings for someone else…” you tell her.

“It’s just one date. If you don’t like him you don’t have to go again and it’s not a big deal. He’s a friend of my friend so it won’t affect anyone. What do you say?” She asks as she stands up from her place and grabs her phone to make a few quick phone calls.

“If you say so…”

“Well, it’s done then! I will inform my friend to let her friend know about this.” Soyeon tells you with a smile resting on her lips. Returning the smile you look away from her and stare out the window with thoughts flooding your mind.

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Sitting alone in the bar you looked around in discomfort. Maybe coming to a bar alone with a man you just met today really was a bad idea? I mean...you did not know him personally except for the fact that Soyeon was a friend of his friend.

Agreeing to come to this date really made you fall back into this slump you were in. Because your love life was so bad that you had to go to this extent, meet up with a guy you barely knew, only for him to turn out to be this crazy person.

I mean, no one would want to be cramped in a car with 5 men they never met only to smell all the weed and cigarettes they were smoking on your face as they leaned onto you with no care in the world. This would barely even be considered as a date. Because who in their right mind does this on their first date? Does this person even know that this was a date?

Being lost in your thoughts, you failed to notice the now-approaching man, the man Soyeon thought would be good enough for now. I mean you cannot blame her completely because she did not know how he was.

Her friend told her that he was a good guy so Soyeon thought it was a perfect opportunity to match you up with him. Oh boy, Soyeon was gonna have it from you once you reach back home.

“We’re planning on going to the pool which is nearby. Come on, let’s go.” You felt startled when you heard him say that. Because no way in hell would you want to go to some random pool with a bunch of strangers who were high and drunk. You were sooo dreading this night you were in.

“I think I will pass on that. I will just leave now but thanks for the offer, Jonah.” You say with a slight smile as you start gathering your stuff, which is not much considering you only had your sling bag and phone with you.

“Oh let me drop you off…” he did not get to finish his sentence as he trailed off once his attention went back to his group of friends who did not seem to have a sense of reality whatsoever.

“It’s okay. It looks like your friends need you more than me. I will be fine.” You reassure him as you watch him walk out of the bar with his friends without looking back.

Sighing you open your wallet to pay for the beverage you bought for yourself.

“Fuck…,” Standing up from your seat you approach the nearest waitress you say, “Hi, could you tell me where the nearest ATM is?” You ask nervously.

“Oh, it’s a few blocks down, but I wouldn’t recommend walking there alone at night in this area. Many crazy stories about this place you know?” She says that as she walks away with a tray of drinks in her hand.

Sighing deeply, you slump down on your seat again as you stare at the contacts on your phone.

You most definitely did not want to call him knowing he was with his dear, bitchy girlfriend. But you had no option. It’s not like you want to risk your life going out in search of an ATM to take out some money. You had enough adventure today as it was.

You hated yourself for only thinking about him the whole time, the fact that he was the first person to come to your mind when you got yourself in this situation.

Biting on your nails, you nervously clicked on his contact name before putting your phone close to your ear, waiting for him to pick up as you looked around the bar once more.

“Hi, Eric. It's me…are you free right now?” You ask nervously. You tried paying attention to his background noises. So far, you could not hear a sound. The good thing was that you did not hear his annoying girlfriend's voice which made you feel somewhat better.

“Yes, yes I am. Are you in trouble or something?” He replied as you heard some shuffling noises coming from the background as if he was in a hurry.

“Yes, I am stuck in this bar and I have no cash with me and these people don’t accept credit cards and you were the first person who came in my mind to contact. I am so sorry if I am disturbing you.” You kept on rambling on as you felt as if you were a burden to him. I mean…you should be able to take care of yourself, but instead, you were asking your best friend to come pick you up from this unknown place you were stuck in.

And knowing what you two almost did yesterday made this situation all the more awkward for you.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. Just send me your location, I am already in the car.” You heard Eric say. Ending the call you send him your location as you look around the bar while hugging your body.

—x—

“Eric!” You call out his name once you see him enter the bar.

“Hey, oh god thank god you’re okay. So what happened? What are you doing here?” He asks as he sits down in front of you.

“I feel so stupid, so Soyeon had this friend who knew this guy I was on a somewhat date with. From what Soyeon said the guy was in diapers or something.”

“The boy was in diapers?” Eric asks questionably as he looks at you with furrowed eyebrows.

“No, Soyeon said her friend knew him when he was in diapers but that’s not the point. I thought this date might go well, I might get myself a potential boyfriend, but no! The boy turned out to be a maniac. He was drinking, and smoking and god I hope he did not do drugs and that’s when I realised, that these are the last people I want to spend my last moments on Earth with. Like no what if I die in a car crash with them? I don’t want that and did I tell you how stupid I felt? Because I thought it was going to be a nice date but it turns out he had brought his friends with him and then oh god…” you sigh in frustration as you lay your head on your arms, tired from the events. “And I did not even eat anything since breakfast and I am starving but I have no money. How pathetic can I be?” You say to yourself while you stomp your foot on the ground in agony.

“Uh, I have money. I can pay for the meal, what do you want?” Eric asks softly as he asks for the menu to the waitress passing by.

“Do you want this to go on the tab?” She asks while handing out the menu to Eric. Looking at her in confusion, Eric stares back at you thinking you would know what she was talking about. “Oh, the card is still open. You can still order.” She says with a smile.

Giving Eric a look you look down at the menu. “Put your wallet away. Would you like to start with starters??” You ask Eric as you already start pointing out the dishes you want to have.

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“Whoa, I am full after having all of that.” You announce once both of you are seated in the car. Putting on your seatbelt you stare out the window.

“So um should I drop you off at your dorm?” Eric asks once he starts the car.

Looking back at him, you give him a nod. You knew he wanted to talk about that day again but you also knew about the fact that if he does bring it up, there is a huge possibility that you would have a breakdown.

The whole car ride there was silence. Both of you did not speak a single word to each other. To make the situation less awkward Eric did play the songs on the radio on low volume.

Reaching your dorm, you undo your seatbelt as you stare ahead of you not knowing what to say anymore.

“So um see you around I guess?” You hear Eric says as he breaks the awkward silence. Looking at him, you nod your head as you put your hand on the car door to unlock it only to get stopped in the middle.

“Wait, Y/N! I need to let you know something…” Eric speaks up before you could even leave the car.

You could feel him grab onto your hand as he made you sit back down on the seat.

“I hope you know that I do like you. I know that I said I only look at you as my best friend but…but maybe I feel something more than that? I am still trying to understand my feelings for you completely but please don’t shut me out like this. I don’t think I can ever go on with my life without you.” Eric says as he leans forward towards you and gently places his hand on your cheeks before he looks into your eyes.

“Please don’t leave me like this, sweetheart.” Eric whispers softly. Your gaze unknowingly travels to his lips as you bring your lips closer to his.

Softly placing your lips onto his you start moving them in sync with each other, his chapped lips on your soft ones felt like a perfect pair to you.

Bringing your hands up to his chest you deepen the kiss more, moving your lips in sync you could feel his hands roaming all over your body.

Entangling your hands with his hair you pull on them a bit making Eric open his mouth which gave you an access to enter your tongue in.

You could feel both of your tongue’s fighting each other when you suddenly snapped out of it and pushed Eric away from you.

From the corner of your eyes, you could feel Eric look at you with a hurt gaze but before he could even speak up you had already opened the car door and stepped out of it, “See you around!” You say that in a hurry as you close the door with a small thud and walk away from there to your dorm.

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Closing the main door you slide down with your back against it. Bringing your hand up to your chest you hold it as you take in a few deep breaths.

“Y/N! Are you home?” You heard Soyeon shout from the living room. Not giving her an answer back you just stay on the floor not knowing what to do anymore.

You did not know why you did whatever you did back there. I mean kissing a taken man? That’s not good. Then making out with him? That’s worse.

“Oh god! Y/N! What happened??” You hear Soyeon shout in distress as runs towards you before sitting herself down on the floor with you.

“Did something happen at the date? Oh god, I am so sorry. I should have asked my friend more about that guy before setting you up. Did he turn out to be a total creep and a jerk?” Soyeon rambles off before she helps you take off your coat while you were still on the floor.

“I kissed him..” you tell her with your eyes staring at the wall which was in front of you, “I kissed him Soyeon and he’s…he’s taken. I am horrible…” you say with your voice wavering at the end.

You could feel the tears sliding down your cheeks which you did not bother enough to wipe.

“You kissed Jonah? Why?” Soyeon says in confusion as she takes a seat beside you before bringing her legs close to her chest as she rests her head on her knees and stares at you.

Slowly bringing her hand up she pulls your head towards her as she gently places it on her shoulder.

“I kissed Eric…” you say softly.

“What…but isn’t he?” Soyeon did not bother enough to complete her sentence.

“Exactly! I am so horrible. I cannot believe I let my feelings get the best of me. He practically cheated on Yuna with me…” you say with a crack in your voice. Sniffling, you look at Soyeon with sadness feeling your eyes. “Please don’t leave me just for this. I promise I am not a horrible person.” You cry out before your sobs grew harsher with each second.

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Sitting in the cafeteria alone you kept on playing with your food. It had been days since your last encounter with Eric.

He had not been coming to school ever since you guys kissed in his car, some part of you was glad that he did not attend the school because then that meant you wouldn’t have to face him but the other part of you was rather more worried about him.

All those what if’s returning to your mind, is he hurt, is he sick, did he wrap himself up in some kind of trouble? But your questions were left unanswered.

Sighing, you grab your bag as you start walking away from the cafeteria to the place where Eric’s best friend would most certainly be at.

You had to know if Eric was alright, all you needed to hear from them was that ‘Yes Y/N, Eric is alright. You don’t have to worry too much.’ That would at least make you worry less and not stress over anything.

Reaching the back of the school you see Juyeon and Sunwoo talking with each other as they played some video games on their phone.

Walking towards them, you stand in front of them grabbing their attention “Oh hey Y/N, what makes you come here?” Juyeon asks with his eyes still glued to the screen.

“Nothing, I just wanted to know something. That’s all. Could you stop playing for a moment and pay attention?” You ask both of them, now getting annoyed at their behaviour and lack of attention.

Pausing the game Juyeon and Sunwoo look up at you with a confused face, “What’s up?” Sunwoo says awkwardly. Not knowing how to react to your sudden appearance

“Do you know where Eric is?” You ask them the question straight away. Not having the energy to beat around the bush anymore.

“Ah, did you not call him?” Juyeon says as if it was a normal thing for you. I mean normally it was, but not after you kissed your best friend and then walked away when you got back to your senses knowing that he is taken.

“If I would have called him I wouldn’t have been here now, would I Juyeon?” You say sarcastically as you flick his forehead in irritation and also because of how stupid his question was.

“Ow sorry and to answer your question Eric caught a…a cold a few days back so he was taking a break?” Juyeon says to you. From the way he was talking, it felt as if he himself did not know what he just said.

Looking back at Sunwoo you throw a glare in his direction when you notice him laughing at Juyeon. Seeing you look at him like that he immediately stopped laughing as he looked down at the ground too scared to look you in the eyes.

“Fine then, if that’s what you say so.” Saying that to them you walk away from the place with numerous thoughts floating in your mind.

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The next day when you entered the school hallway with Soyeon by your side, your eyes moved all over the place in search of Eric.

Walking towards your locker with Soyeon you noticed Eric standing by the class door with Juyeon, talking with him.

Handing all your books to Soyeon, you took big steps towards Eric, “Eric! Wait!” You shouted out his name only to get no response in return.

What you did not expect was for him to walk right past you without sparing you a glance. Stopping dead in your tracks you move your body around and stare at Eric’s figure walking away.

You noticed Juyeon turning his head back and looking at you with sympathy as he mouthed out a ‘sorry’ on behalf of Eric you suppose.

Giving him a small nod and a wave, you go towards Soyeon again as you take your books back from her hands, “Let’s go?” You say quietly as you start walking away from the place without letting her speak anything any further.

“I am sorry…” Soyeon says to you softly as he interlocks her hands with yours as she starts walking with you.

Giving her a smile you look down at the ground not knowing what to do anymore.

You knew you messed up when you initiated the kiss first. But did Eric really have to ignore you like that?

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It had been a few days since you last saw Eric again, he has been really irregular at school so confronting him face-to-face was not an option.

You tried everything, you called him, texted him, hell you even went over to his house but there was no answer.

The more time passes, the more worried you’re getting. Is he avoiding you on purpose? Is all of this happening just because of you? All you wanted to do at this point was make everything right but you could not do that. Not with the way Eric was treating you.

Is he now avoiding you on purpose? There were so many thoughts in your mind, so many questions but they remained unanswered.

Groaning in frustration you grab your coat and storm out of the house to go over at Juyeon’s. You were gonna get answers from him today, if he does not give you a proper answer you won’t let him off the hook and that’s for sure.

—x—

Stopping your car in front of his house, you stare at his front door with hesitation filling your body. Should you really be doing this? What if you’re crossing the boundary by doing this? Is this too much? Probably not right? I mean Eric did not break off your friendship with him just yet.

Stepping out of the car you lock it as you take slow, hesitant steps towards Juyeon’s house.

Ringing the doorbell, you wait for him to open the door. Okay, there’s still some time. You can just turn around and leave the place right now. That way you won’t have to confront him about Eric again.

Getting ready to turn around you were stopped by a voice calling out your name, “Y/N! Surprised to see you here…what brings you here tho?” You hear Juyeon ask with surprise laced in his tone of voice.

Looking at him with an awkward smile plastered on your face, you lick your lips thinking of the right words to say to him.

“May I come in first?” You say nervously as you shift your weight from one foot to another.

“Yeah sure, you’re always welcome. Come in…” Juyeon says as he steps aside for you to enter his house.

Removing your coat, Juyeon takes it from your hand and hangs it on the coat hanger as he leads you towards the living room.

“Want some hot chocolate? I was making some for myself…” Juyeon says as he walks towards the kitchen with you tailing behind him.

Taking a seat by the counter you shake your head as a no as you clear your throat, “I am here to speak with you about something that has been bugging me…” you tell him before you stare at his back.

You notice how he stopped pouring the hot chocolate into his cup before he turned around to give you his full attention, “Is this about Eric?” Juyeon asks slowly before he takes a seat in front of you.

Nodding your head you suck in a deep breath, “You see, I have been trying to reach him for days but he isn’t responding to any of my texts or calls. I even went over to his house but there was no answer. I know he is your closest friend and the fact that he shares everything with you so I probably know that you must be having an idea on why he is doing this. Please just tell me…” you say on the verge of tears.

“Y/N I don’t know if I have the right to tell you about what’s happening with Eric right now. Look, I know what you’re going through is really tough but…” juyeon stops talking when he sees the tears coming out of your eyes. “Y/N no…” Juyeon sighs softly as he stands up from his seat and pulls out a chair to sit down beside you.

“We’ve always shared everything, you know? And him just shutting me out like this suddenly pains me. I know I was at fault for kissing him but I regret it immensely right now because I certainly know that I might have ruined his relationship with Yuna. Look, all I want to do right now is just make things right with him. Just tell me where he is and I promise I won’t trouble you again.” You beg to him, sniffing you look at Juyeon with your red eyes and nose.

“If you say so. Eric’s at the hospital, his dad's been severely ill for the past few weeks which has led to him missing out on school and everything. Now I know that I told you this but don’t tell Eric. He did not want you to worry too much about him.” Juyeon says as he stands up and brings you a glass of water.

Getting a hold of the glass you take a few sips as you place the glass down on the counter again. “Thank you so much.” You say as you stand up from your chair, “Are you guys gonna plan something for his birthday tomorrow?” You ask him right before leaving.

Thinking for a bit Juyeon shakes his head as a no “He did not want us to do anything this time. He said he would be too busy tomorrow to even think about that.”

Nodding to his words you grab onto the door handle only to get stopped when Juyeon spoke again “Hey Y/N…”

Turning around you look at Juyeon with a slight frown on your face, “Yeah?”

“Please take care of yourself…” he says softly before giving your back a gentle pat.

Nodding to his words with a small smile on your face you open the door and walk towards your car, now somewhat feeling relieved.

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Standing in front of the hospital you look down at the cake which you had bought just for Eric. You knew that he would be busy looking after his father so the least you could do for now is buy him a cake so he can at least celebrate his birthday today.

Entering the hospital you go to the receptionist. “Hi, I am looking for Eric Sohn, his father was admitted recently.” You tell the woman sitting at the front.

You see her slide down her glasses as she stares at you for a minute or so before she starts flipping through the pages in front of her with no questions asked.

“Mr.Sohn is on the first floor, room number 111 and here’s your visiting ID. Do not lose it.” She says sternly before she goes back to doing her work.

Nodding at her words, you immediately scurry away from there.

Entering the elevator you press on the first floor button as you wait in silence. You did not know what to say to Eric once you met him.

You guys were never this awkward. Even when the first time you both met, the conversation with you both just flowed right.

Never did you ever think you would be in such an awkward position when it came to Eric and this just made you feel worse than you already were.

—x—

Reaching the floor you start walking towards the room Eric’s dad was in.

Standing in front of the door you stare at the scene in front of you through the glass window.

There stood Eric holding his dad's hand in his own hands as he spoke to himself. You could see that he was shaking, probably because of the cold or the fact that he was in fact crying.

Knocking on the door you wait for Eric to look up at you, once he did divert his attention in your direction you could feel yourself forgetting how to breathe when you saw his face.

He looked pale, probably a bit thinner than he used to. He most certainly lost a bit of weight which made you feel like you just hit rock bottom because why were you not with him when he needed someone by his side the most?

Taking a step back, you wait for Eric to collect himself together because obviously, this was a shock for him seeing you here in the flesh after not responding or talking with you for days.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing here?” Eric asks you once he comes out of the room after trying to make himself look presentable enough.

“It’s your birthday, so I brought you a cake.” You say with a smile playing upon your face as raise your hand up to show him the bag which had his favourite cake in it.

“Who told you about me being here?” Eric asks, his voice sounding serious yet it still held that gentleness in him that he always has when talking with you.

“That does not matter. What matters is that I am here for you right now. Please just…just celebrate your birthday with me?” You ask him softly as you walk backwards and sit on the seats which were placed outside. “Look I know you’re in a rough spot right now, but all I ask from you today is for you to spare a few minutes max to max and just celebrate your birthday. I promise I won’t ever trouble you again.” You say the last line with difficulty.

Sighing Eric walks towards you as he sits down beside you. Closing his eyes he makes a wish as he blows out the candles which you had lit for him.

Opening them up, Eric cuts the cake as he feeds you a piece of it.

—x—

Taking a stroll on the rooftop of the hospital, both of you talked with each other about what you have been missing out on.

You kept Eric updated on all the things that have been happening in school since he has been missing out a lot. You told him how Soyeon almost choked Sunwoo because of how annoying he was. In her defence, Sunwoo had no reason to keep on troubling her and in the end, Sunwoo did get what he deserved.

You also promised to keep him updated on all the classes he has been missing out on despite being from different majors, which Eric was immensely grateful for.

Stopping by the railings, you and Eric stared at the night sky, the moon which was now shining brightly as you looked for stars that were covered by the clouds.

“Y/N, I have been meaning to tell you this…” you hear Eric say with a serious voice. Turning your gaze to him you notice him looking at you with no expressions on his face.

“Look, I…I like you sweetheart. I really do. The time we spent apart these past few days, I understood my feelings towards you. But at the moment, I really don’t have the time to commit to a proper relationship yet. I don’t think I have it in me to be in a committed relationship and with everything going on, I don’t know if I can truly give you the proper attention you deserve. I know you like me, I like you too but…now’s not the right time. I don’t even know when my dad will be all better. Hell, I don’t even know if I can still come to school regularly. I am so sorry.” Eric says as a tear rolls down his pale cheek.

Wiping the lone teardrop, you give him a small broken smile as you immediately take a step back, too afraid you would do something you would regret later on.

“Well, at least you told me about this.” You say as you sniffle. Looking up at the dark sky you try to keep your tears in which Eric immediately took a notice of.

“No, no please don’t cry because of me, sweetheart..” Eric says softly as he immediately engulfs your smaller figure in his own warm one as he tries his best to comfort you by keeping your body close to his and hugging you tightly.

Pushing him away gently you take another step back before you give him a shake of your head. “I think it’s best if I leave now…” you say, your voice wavering a bit at the end “Happy Birthday though…” you say with a small smile.

Saying that you immediately walk away from there, not having enough courage or the energy to look Eric in the eye after what he just said.

You knew you should not have kissed him. This is all because of you, and now because of this small mistake, you lost a friendship that you used to value and love so deeply.

Meanwhile all Eric did was watch you walk away from him with tears rolling down his cheeks.

Kneeling down on the ground he brought his knees closer to his chest as he started sobbing, his body shaking violently with each sob leaving his mouth.

All he wanted at that moment was for your arms to be around his body, hug him closely but that was not possible since you were not there with him anymore. He had lost you, forever.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Entering the dorm, you don’t care enough to inform Soyeon about your arrival. Entering your room you slump down on your bed with a tired sigh leaving your mouth.

You could feel your body giving up, you don't even know what you’re going to do anymore at this point. You did everything you could to make things right but nothing worked.

What if you would have not went over to Juyeon’s house, would things right now be different, maybe even better? Or maybe if you would not have gone over to Eric today, to celebrate his birthday this would not have even happened.

Biting onto your pillow you stop yourself from letting out the sobs you were dying to let out. You knew Soyeon was sleeping right now, you did not want to be a burden to her anymore.

“Y/N? Are you okay babe?” You heard Soyeon’s soft voice speaking through the doorway as she slowly opened the door to your room and let herself in.

“No Y/N…” Soyeon says mostly to herself as she immediately joins you on your bed. Lying down beside you, she hugged your body closer to hers from the back as she patted your head whispering sweet things in your ear, hoping that would calm you down.

“I am so pathetic, So…I just…I wish I could just die right now. I cannot believe I just ruined my friendship with Eric. I…” you could not even get yourself to finish the sentence as you let out harsh sobs, not being able to control them anymore “I ruined everything…” you say as a hiccup leaves your mouth.

“Shh, Y/N if anything Eric is also with you in this. It’s not like the kiss was one-sided. He kissed you back…” Soyeon says as she continues to pat your head.

The entire night, all you could remember was crying your eyes out as you spoke incoherent words to Soyeon. You knew you were gonna have a puffy face and a bad headache tomorrow morning.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

It was the 31st today, the day everyone would be rejoicing since in less than 24 hours it would be the start of a new year, a new chapter of everyone’s life, a new beginning to something beautiful for some people, sour reality for some of them since they were dreading this time of the year since their whole lives.

For you it was no different, you were not in the mood to celebrate with your friends, and you did not have the energy to even leave the comforts of your bed after everything that has been happening in your life.

It was just you, your bed, your laptop with your favourite TV show on loop and the cup of hot coffee that was with you since day one.

“Are you sure you’re just going to be okay to stay here all alone on the new year?” Soyeon asks you as soon as she enters your room. Giving her a nod you wave her goodbye.

—x—

Checking your phone, you frowned in confusion when you saw 20 missed calls by Eric. 20 missed calls? At this time of the day? By Eric? Why would he even call you?

Immediately dialling his number, you wait for him to pick up the call only to get sent off to voicemail.

Getting worried you get out of your bed in a hurry as you grab your car and house keys and head towards the door.

Opening the door you jump back in surprise when you see Eric standing in front of you with his hands placed on his knees as he took deep breaths in while trying to catch his breath.

“Why…why the hell were you…not picking up your calls!?” Eric shouts at you while still trying to catch his breath.

Standing up properly, he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand before he looked you in your eyes, “Are you free?” Eric asks once he his breathing had gone back to normal.

Looking down at the attire you were wearing, you stare back up at Eric with an awkward smile. “Well looking at the fact that I am in my pyjamas I think I am free yeah.” You notice Eric roll his eyes playfully as he enters your house and grabs your coat which was hanging on the coat hanger.

“Wear this. It’s cold outside…” Eric whispers in your ears as he helps you wear the coat.

“Where are we going though?” You ask Eric, noticing the impatience.

“Just start walking will ya?” Eric says as he grabs your hand and intertwines his fingers with yours unknowingly.

—x—

You both had been walking on the twinkling footpath since the last few minutes. The silence had engulfed you both but this time it felt more comfortable rather than awkward.

You looked around the busy streets of the road as everyone was out there celebrating the last day of the year with their loved ones.

Reaching a calmer and quieter street you looked around the place when you noticed that there was no one around and it was just the two of you there.

“Okay sweetheart, what I am about to tell you, just please listen to me before you say anything okay?” You hear Eric say. Turning around to face him you notice Eric taking a seat on the grass as he stares ahead at the scenery which is in front of him. “Come sit.” He says as he pats the place beside him.

Sitting down beside him you screech in surprise when Eric pulls you closer to his body while grabbing onto your waist. “That’s better,” Eric whispered softly before he took a deep breath in.

“I missed you…” he says softly as he straightens out the strands of your hair which were flying around everywhere.

Looking him in the eye you softly respond to him “I missed you too. All I did was think about you since our last encounter and I…I am sorry.” You whisper that, afraid your voice would break if you speak any louder.

“I wanted to tell you something, I just couldn’t get myself to say it out loud because I was afraid something would happen.” You give him a look of encouragement, a sign for him to continue speaking which he caught on immediately.

“I love you Y/N, I knew that when we were away from each other and I was sure of my feelings for you when we had that talk on the rooftop of the hospital. I was just so caught up in the fact that my dad was on the verge of dying I unknowingly pushed you away. I knew I left you in the dark after just disappearing after we had kissed that day in my car and that was no way in hell right but…I was just so much in denial about the fact that I love you more than a friend. I was freaking out over the fact that I might lose you if our relationship does not go well, I was afraid that I would mess it all up when we got together but when we had a talk on my birthday, I realised that you’re the only person I will ever love this much, I just love the way you smile when I make a stupid joke even though it was not funny. I was afraid that if I confessed my feelings we would not be able to spend Christmas together, which we did not because of my stupidity. I missed the time when we would bake the cookies on Christmas Eve, I missed the time when we would wrap the gifts we bought for our friends for the Christmas even though they were utterly ridiculous but most of all, I missed spending time with you sweetheart. I missed hearing your sweet voice, I missed the fact that you were not the first person who wished me a Merry Christmas. I love you Y/N. I truly do and this time, I am ready to commit. Commit for us and for this relationship we would have in the future. Would you take the honours and be my girlfriend?” Eric says as breaks down in tears at the end of the sentence.

Grabbing his cheeks, you make him look up as you lean closer and place your lips on top of his, you could taste the saltiness of his tears but the sweet taste of the lip balm he was wearing.

Smiling in the kiss, you move closer to him as you move your hands towards his neck as you pull him closer towards you. You could feel the slight smile that appeared on his lips.

Being lost in the kiss, you both failed to notice the snow that had started to fall, that was until you saw the small snow that rested on Eric’s nose which made you let out a small giggle.

“What’s so funny sweetheart?” Eric says between the kiss as he kisses you deeper, not even letting you answer the question he had just asked.

Pulling away, you look at Eric with a wide smile resting on your cheeks, your smile reaching your eyes, his favourite kind of smile of yours truly.

“Is that a yes then?” Eric asks as a giggle escapes his lips. Giving him a small nod you peck his red nose as you let out a small laugh.

“See, I can be the one for you sweetheart.” Eric says with a silly smile on his face before he starts peppering your face with kisses making you fall down on the grass as laughter blares through the quiet place.

“I never said you couldn’t…” you say with laughter. “I love you, Eric Sohn…” you whisper softly as you look up at him while lying down on the ground, as Eric stared down at you while being above you.

“I love you too, sweetheart.” Eric whispers the last words as he kisses you deeply.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

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b0nten · 1 year ago

Text

THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE STOPS AT DAWN AND SPINS BACK TO HOLD THE DEVIL

[SYNOPSIS] ˚⁀➷｡ being one of five special grades, you learn how to deal with exorcisms, but rarely with loss.

[NOTES] ˚⁀➷｡ i was kinda skeptical to post this because i don’t rlly write for jjk but i had this planned out (sloppily) in my notes for so long. i would like to thank @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat for inspiring me through their fic if i fell through the floor i’d keep falling to post this (i know we’ve never interacted before so i’m literally so sorry if this comes off as random & makes you uncomfortable) because a) of how much i love that fic and b) of how it reminded me of this and actually motivated me to finish and polish it. also big thanks to my shawtybae ray @httpshujii whom i left traumatized after i asked her to beta-read this fic😭😭

[EXTRAS] ˚⁀➷｡ timeline is probably WAAAAAAAAAY off, especially the shibuya incident/culling game. swearing, a lot of words.

24.12.2017

“you two can’t even tell good and evil apart.”

“doesn’t that guy piss you off, mimiko?”

“nanako, want me to hang him?” the brunette holds her rope tight around the dummy’s neck.

her sister, annoyed by the assistant’s words, hisses. “you guys don’t even know how sorcerers like us are treated in the shitty countryside that doesn’t show up on maps. you do all the good and evil you want. but for us, if geto-sama says so, then black is white and white is black. we believe in the world he sees; and we will hang everybody who gets in the way!” she threatens and they both take their combat positions, ready to strike when, suddenly, footsteps echo through the empty alleyway.

“cut it out, you three.” wind blows though silky hair and a perfume they all recognize takes over the air as all of their faces drop. “don’t bother, ijichi, they’re just as stubborn as their dad.” a smile glides across your lips, but disappears just a few moments later. “ew, my pants are stained with curse juice.”

“mom?” “y/n-san?” they gasp at the same time, and ijichi’s head turns back so fast you could swear you heard his neck snap.

“ ‘mom’ ? y/n-san, what’s going on?” he asks, beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

“that’s a long story i’ll tell you only if you promise not to snitch to the higher-ups.” you grin at him, patting him on his shoulder as you pass by. “don’t worry, i’m not switching sides.” you reassure, and hear him sigh in relief.

with the speed of light, the twins rush towards you, embracing you in a warm hug.

“miko, please don’t hang my friend, yeah? and you, young lady, what did we talk about, try to be a little less hostile!” you scold, ruffling their hair a little rougher than usual. then, a crash startles all four of you.

“miguel? what the hell are you doing!” the light-brunette shouts, rolling her eyes once the man’s ironic response reacher her ears.

“ugh, ” you can only do the same, brows furrowing when another familiar face pops up, “satoru, pipe down! and pleaaaaase try to not kill him!” you shout to grab gojo’s attention, dragging out the plead.

“when you ask me so nicely, i guess i can make an exception for you, bestie boo!” he shrugs, winking with his only uncovered eye.

ignoring the antics that you’re so used to, your attention falls back on the girls.

“you two, ” you start, clapping your hands closed and dragging your right hand as to conjure a katana. then, you scrape a circle with it in the cobblestone, “i’ll teleport you somewhere safe, i don’t like where this is going, and i gotta clean up some of the curses suguru let loose around here. be careful, i love you.” you wave as a big fire sphere rushes up from the ground, building a barrier between you. before the girls can say anything else, they disappear completely. “ijichi, text me the date and time and i’ll be there. gotta get to kusakabe as soon as i can or he may need to get his diaper changed.”

you laugh, dissipating into a puddle of black, while your underclassman still can’t believe what he’s witnessed.

15.10.2008

you know that what you’re about to do is rash and irrational, and possibly clearly also considered treachery in the jujutsu world. the fact that nobody had already caught wind of what you were up to was and still is in itself a miracle, but you could narrow it down to them thinking you were still grieving; and truth be told, you still kind of were, trying to do it the best you could. healing fresh wounds is never easy and recovering from a break-up that didn’t directly happen is sometimes like trying to sew shut a deep wound with cotton thread.

and that’s what kept you going in the most excruciating year of your life: your wounds deserve to close properly, and it is within your right to be able to run your fingers across your skin, without fearing they’ll plunge deep into your chest and dreading to take them out knowing they’ll be covered in blood and the smell of a broken heart.

so you step, determined and furious to get your cause across. you bang your fists on the big door, and a chubby man of middle age greets you at the entrance.

“what’s your name? do you have an appointment?” he questions, and you answer with the same western bullshit name you gave when you rang them up to book said ‘appointment’. he turns a few pages in his clipboard and finally his face lights up.

“yes, please, come in!” his arm is stretched out in a gentlemanly manner, signaling for you to enter. and you do, something bubbling in the pit of your stomach. excitement? no, that’s almost impossible. hate? hurt? the wish for vengeance you have so obsessively dreamed about? you’re not sure about any of those. when you step into the room, though, you feel nervous. like you’re walking on the thin glass shards of your broken youth — the one that got spat and shat on by the same world that made geto spiral into his madness — stolen mercilessly by the greediness of the higher-ups.

“geto-sama will come in shortly!” he explains, and you gather all your composure to ensure you won’t vomit right then and there.

“he calls himself geto-sama now?” you wonder, and although you haven’t said it out loud, the title still leaves a bitter feeling on your tongue. you imagine maybe that’s what curses taste like to suguru.

“welcome, miss— oh.“ full of confidence he struts from behind two curtains, and when he sees you, his gaze softens and you swear you can catch a glimpse of the boy you lost an autumn ago. “it’s so nice to see you, y/n!” he calls out and picks up his pace, almost rushing to you. “i’m so glad it’s not one of those monkeys! sometimes i get nauseous from seeing them all the time!” he face-palms, then beams, and takes your hands in his, leaving a kiss on your temple, lastly pulling you close to him like he always did, even before he vanished.

you think you’re going to be sick again, watching him act all nonchalant and normal, as if nothing has happened. “how dare he?” you think, feeling the anger pierce your stomach walls, and settling in your throat. how can he act like this? like you’re still high-school sweethearts, like he’s just come back from a mission and you’re standing at the school gates, ready to welcome him back. your brain almost freezes, heart urging you to stay like that, but mind screaming at you to pull away from him.

so, against your heart’s wishes, you tear away from him. “monkeys? that’s what you call them now, suguru?” you click your tongue in annoyance, a habit he knows you have whenever you’re about to get petty. “what happened to civilians, non-sorcerers, humans, people?” you ask, blank face staring daggers into his soul.

“my love, they’re all just monkeys.” your once-lover says with the same nonchalance, “don’t bother being all so formal with them. they can’t even use jujutsu, like we do, so—“ before he can say anything else, you cut him off, something similar to a mix of anger and sadness in your voice.

“don’t call me that, suguru.” your voice cracks a little, eyebrows furrow and your heartbeat picks up its pace, and you think maybe your legs are going to give out on you any minute now. “i’m not here to play happy family reuinted.” you almost choke on your words. “i—”

“geto-sama!!! geto-sama!!!” a panicked, feminine voice comes from behind the curtains, and soon enough, two young girls emerge from them. one has light brown hair, the other’s is a little darker than shoko’s. they can’t be older than 6, 5 if you dare to overthink. the former is dragging her sister by her hand, and the latter is holding a plushy tight against her chest, stumbling here and there.

“what’s wrong, you two?” he asks gently, crouching down to their level. you remember how he used to speak to you the same whenever you came back from a mission sad or displeased and your heart drops at how easy it is to break down your walls and have memories growing like ice flowers in the archives you vouched to burn off your mind.

“mimiko—“ her gaze averts to you and ricochets into the ground, small figure balancing from foot to foot as she apologizes, “oh, i’m sorry for interrupting.”

when you look at them, you can’t help but smile. they look so… sweet. so innocent. what are they doing here? “that’s alright, you don’t have to pardon yourself, it seemed urgent.” with a motherly sympathy you didn’t know you held within you, you explain. with the corner of your eye, you see a smile bloom on geto’s face.

“ohmygod!” the same one calls out to her sister in a not-so-subtle whisper. “that’s the lady whose picture geto-sama has! the one he told us about!”

“nanako… you can’t say that when she’s in front of us… it’s rude.” mimiko half-heartedly scolds her sister.

you can’t help the blush from creeping up your cheeks or the laugh from escaping your lips.

“y/n, these are nanako and mimiko.” suguru explains and nudges them forward. “girls, this is y/n, but you already knew.” he smiles again, abstaining himself from laughing at his own semi-bad joke. “they’re…” he continues. “they’re my epiphany, the reason i left the useless jujutsu world and started to make my own.”

you try to ignore the last part of his introduction and his sickeningly smug grin, and you crouch down too, in order to observe them from closer proximity. “nice to meet you both.” you say, warmly, and touch the floor with your hand. a puddle of black forms around it and you awkwardly rummage through the void. soon enough, you pull out two candy-bars.

“i hope you two like macadamia nuts and chocolate. unfortunately it’s all i have right now.” you apologize with a sheepish smile, handing them the sweets. they look at geto to seek approval, and when he nods enthusiastically, they accept your gift with lots of giggles and bright grins.

suguru’s heart skips a beat before it melts. he really is touched you’re showing his daughters so much kindness, but he’s even happier he sees the same candy-bars you ate in high school. he feel nostalgic, even though he knows it’s only been a year. but just like in his case, he thought a year might have been significant change for you too.

the tender moment is interrupted by knocking on the door. “geto-sama, i’m terribly sorry to disturb, but your next appointment is here.” an assistant calls out, and geto is visibly annoyed.

“tell them to wait for a little bit. we’re still not ready to wrap up.” he commands, outside going silent instantly. “i am so sorry to cut this short, y/n.” he says, admitting regret, “you are welcome to drop by any time you want. and you don’t have to use a fake name.” he’s hopeful now, he’s even more confident, and he steps closer to you.

but as if you two are magnets of the same polarity, your body forces you to take a step back. his gaze saddens and something like despair flashes briefly across his face. it almost reads like “please come by again. please.” almost like a desperate plead.

“i’ll see.” is the only response you can give before turning around and heading to the door. before you open it, you look back at the three of them. “nanako, mimiko, it was nice to meet you.” you say, softness for the two canceling out whatever uncomfortable feelings you had before.

“you too, y/n-sama! please come by again!” they both say back, waving as you leave the room. a peculiar tickle renders your body almost perplexed when you hear the honorific.

you navigate through the temple like you’re trying to find the exit of a maze, but when you’re outside, you take a deep breath of fresh air. your hand travels up to wipe the shells of the tears forming in your eyes and you swear you can smell the blood that’s gushing from your still unclosed wounds, sewn again with cotton thread.

“they’re my epiphany.”

they’re his epiphany.

you replay the scene in your head, and feel desperate the more you chant the mantra, as if your ego has not only been broken, but sanity stripped away from you. then, your thoughts are broken by your phone ringing. flipping up the cover, you try to play everything off as normal.

“shoko?” you say, “is everything alright?”

“i should be the one asking you that.” her tone is sharp, “is everything alright with you, y/n?” it softens, and like a dam about to break lose, you sniffle and answer out.

“no.” it’s clear, it’s there, you said it. you don’t have to pretend.

“come over. i miss having my girl around.” she says, and you giggle.

“you’re lucky i’m in the area. i’ll be there in fifteen, girlfriend. and stop talking to me like im one of your hoes.”

she just laughs manically before ending the call. you smile, and go.

10.04.2009

you don’t know for sure if whatever you feel against nanako and mimiko is compassion or pity. or maybe hatred, sometimes disguised as jealousy. but ever since geto said that, there is this little voice in the back of your head that keeps playing the same sentence, like your mind’s a broken record.

“he chose them over you.”

you’re not sure how to feel. they’re kids. they’re young, they didn’t coax him into starting this. maybe they were just caught in the crossfire, you like to guess. maybe they were the last straw.

or maybe, you were simply not good enough, which, in all honesty, was hard to accept. being a special-grade sorcerer that came from nothing isn’t easy. someone’s always on your back, refusing to get off; from the higher-ups to one’s parents. it’s hard to live up to pre-made expectations, and carry burdens on an already-cracked spine, but you’ve always been strong — so strong even gojo pissed his pants sometimes — so what happened? what made him resort to this?

finally, after looking through the things he left behind in his room, you came to understand geto didn’t leave because he wanted to, he left because that was what it came to. and slowly, you accepted that the twins really were nothing more than two girls caught in a crossfire, that geto somehow saved. his last mission, it must’ve been excruciating, he must’ve seen hell in its true form (again) or death itself in front of him (for the third time) when he went to that village and slaughtered it mercilessly.

that was actually the case, as you come to learn. after six months you build up the courage to visit again, this time unannounced, this time without a purpose. you were sure it’d be left unserved anyway, like the last one. so, when suguru welcomes you into the room once more, you make small talk. and ask about his life, sometimes trying not to gag when he makes disgusting remarks about “monkeys”.

and voluntarily, he tells you the girls’ story after they fall asleep on your lap, dead exhausted thanks to the running around they did. you learn their past, and see something ignite in suguru that makes you think. if you had been there, would you have done the same? would you have stopped him, or joined him? he did nothing wrong, he killed abusers. he killed people that beat two defenseless children, something he shouldn’t have been persecuted for, you thought. this whole monkey thing, tough, something else, another story. but maybe, just maybe had somebody heard him out, he wouldn’t be staying across from you dressed in robes but instead you would’ve been sitting in an apartment you bought with all the money you saved up, all four of you cradled next to the other watching tv with the volume off as to not wake up the sleeping girls. and maybe, just maybe, satoru would have found the fushiguro-zen’in boy and his sister that he’s so serious on finding and they’d come over and play together, while you, shoko and sometimes utahime and mei gossip on the couch and suguru, satoru, nanami and ijichi hang out in the kitchen.

if it weren’t for your teenage heart and forgiving soul, you wouldn’t have begged geto to consider your idea.

“i can try and negotiate a deal for you.” you’re serious, and not about to give up, no matter what he says. “i’ve been taking extra missions, suguru. they like me, they started to value my opinion in the last two years.” you say, and your eyes gloss over when you look at him.

“y/n…” he sighs. “this is my choice. i’m content living like this.”

you break a little.

“don’t say that suguru. it’s not too late, you know? i can vouch for you, i can make sure nanako and mimiko are safe, if that’s what you’re actually concerned about. i will take extra shifts, i will fight for you.” you start to crack and chip off at the edges. “in the end, you did nothing wrong killing those villagers, but that’s something they’re just gonna look away from because you killed non-sorcerers. hateful, filthy, non-sorcerers that deserved their fate.” you say, gritting and swearing behind teeth, jaw clenched and breathing like your lungs are glued together.

suguru always liked your sense of justice. it was always strong, defined, your moral compass was as clear as the sky on the first day you were transferred to jujutsu high. it was refreshing to see someone like you, that fought, no matter what; that gave herself up for the cause she wanted to prove. you would’ve killed yourself if it meant judgement had been served correctly, and even if it meant losing yourself on the way, you loved standing up for what was right. you’d tear at yourself so everybody could be happy. and he could see it in your eyes, the way they shine with the beauty of a thousand galaxies and the passion of a hundred suns, radiating hope, even after all that you’ve been through. you’re hope, you’re love, you’re light, ready to sacrifice herself just so others could grasp that spark even for a little while. ah, as long as…, like you said in your heydays, cigarette between teeth as geto lit it for you, shoko boo’d in the background and satoru annoyed nanami but entranced haibara, holding the world in your hands, ready to blast another wall, to save another soul, to make another life-source. you were temperance and the tower all in one, the embodiment of balanced destruction, the origin of damaged harmony. you ate, chewed and spit yourself out so everyone could see that you were raw — you were like them — you were all the same, kids with power and jobs too big for ages that didn’t even bloom correctly yet.

but this time, he can’t let you do that. you can’t be his divine intervention anymore, you can’t make a catastrophe of your life just to build his anew. he had chosen his way the day he committed mass murder, roots of his goal planted deep inside his hatred for non-sorcerers, and it was far too late to go back, no matter what you said or could have said or say, his life is now with his cult. and he looks at you, with his girls cradled in your lap and wonders of the life you could have had, had amanai’s death not taken such a toll on him. he never told you, but he wanted you to meet her. she would’ve absolutely adored you, no doubt, and vice-versa.

sometimes he wakes up in the morning and you’re not next to him and then he imagines it too: a little house in meguro, and he’d wake up at the crack of dawn and look at you sleeping peacefully beside him, then he’d get up and cook breakfast. he envisions evening walks in spring, when the cherry blossoms bloom, and nanako and mimiko running wildly along the river banks, and you shouting after them to be careful. his heart swells with what if’s and maybe’s but he remembers that in his world, he can achieve that. and he doesn’t have to worry about any of you three being in danger either.

you feel the need to change the topic. you feel the regret floating around in the air — you feel the wound you tried to sew shut so many times miserably — and it reeks of fresh blood and sweet tea and plum blossoms and the winter he confessed his feelings.

“let me help you get them to bed.” you smile, and he reciprocates. he takes nanako from your lap softly as not to disturb her sleep, and guides you to their room.

you find yourself kissing their foreheads as if they’re your daughters, as if you hadn’t met them only two times in your life, and suguru finds himself too close to you. you think he’s too close to you too, but right now, in this shit you’ve dragged yourself into, you don’t care at all anymore.

so you kiss him, you lift yourself up on your toes enough for him to already know what you’re doing and to bend down. electricity sparks and you see yourself in the middle of snowy shibuya crossing yet again, people going on about their day while you pour your hearts out to the other silently, carnally, with chapped lips falling against each other, devouring the curse of love with gluttony, and freezing hands tangled in the intimacy of two sixteen year olds dumb enough to think they’re able to write their own destiny.

that’s why you continue to visit. in the rest of 2009, 2010, 2011, and so on. between what you lost that you never even had, and the brief moment of serenity of feeling like a family with geto and the girls, you finally feel like you have something to live for.

it goes without saying that it still frightened you — if anyone were to find out where you were going, who you were going to — they all may have been put in danger. but the moment the big, wooden door to the temple opens and two smiley faces jump into your arms while the boyfriend you never had the guts to break up with greets you sweetly, all the worry dissipates. you were not there “to play happy family reunited”, you had found a family. and as twisted life had layed itself out for geto, maybe yours wasn’t that far from it either.

so, once a month you come, with gifts, with candy, with love and worry and whatnot. you’re there to see the twins grow up, sometimes you help suguru cut their hair, to navigate through all the stages of girlhood you experienced too — well, almost all, since it’s kind of hard to give them really everything when their dad is a wanted mass murderer in a world over half of the population doesn’t even know exists. but you’re there, and you’re happy when you’re with them. they’re your sun.

and it goes like that for years, you come, you laugh, and you leave. sometimes before you leave, geto kisses you chastely, and sometimes more, which means you stay the night, and he partially sees his dream come true the next morining; and he loves it, he can’t wait to get it done, but he feels guilty. guilty for the plan he’s come up with and guilty knowing you’re gonna be on the opposite side, no matter what.

when the girls turn eight, they start calling you ‘mom’, to your and geto’s surprise. but they like it, and honestly, so do you and so does their dad. it’s random, but it feels natural, it feels warm. suguru’s heart sinks, and he thinks he can keep his plan hidden and pushes it back a few more years, until he can’t anymore. so, on the twins’ eleventh birthday, a beautiful day of 2013, it’s the last time you come. you try to talk him out of it, but no matter how many pleads and promises and compromises, his decision is still the one he told you. that day, when you leave and look back with a fake smile at the kids waving at you from the door, the wind feels sharper on your face and the air is definitely colder than what it was supposed to ever be. you go to the bar and drown out your sorrows, glass after glass after glass after glass after glass until you’re numb. and even in the numbness, there’s still an aching pain, like a scorching dagger has been stabbed through your heart, burning the skin and muscle and everything in between on its way to bring you down. you wonder if that’s what curses feel when they’re exorcised.

so, while nanako and mimiko ask about you and why their mom isn’t coming anymore, you bury yoursef in work. you kill, you start to teach, you do paperwork. satoru comes over sometimes and when you look at him, you can only cry. shoko comes over more than sometimes, and when you look at her you can also only cry. they both hug you and sometimes cry with you too: a pity party. nanami writes to you a lot, and when you read his messages you also cry. sometimes you go to visit him, and he looks at you with a disgusting look. he knows you haven’t broken records these past few months because of your love for jujutsu, but because of the hate you bear for it. his heart shatters seeing his senior like this. so, he pours you tea and gets you the cookies you always loved, stashed next to a framed picture of you three — you, him and haibara.

kento always thought you were like glue. you kept everyone together. and although him and yu were only your juniors, you made them feel like they were your brothers. you brought together the jujutsu world so closely, you made it seem like it could work, until nobody was there to help you, even though you tried so hard. it was like a mirage, but so closely and delicately conjured one could swear it was real — maybe that was your true domain expansion — and you would’ve killed yourself if that meant it’d be kept intact, and you kind of did, because at the price of your own well-being, you took care of the others. you worked overtime so gojo had less missions to go on, helped nanami get out of jujutsu and welcomed him right back with open arms and broken heart that still needed mending desperately, and helped shoko with med school until she decided she’d just cheat herself into getting her eligibility.

and you’re a wreck, so you browse pictures in your phone of you, suguru and the girls, you frame them but keep them away from the world’s eyes, god knows who may find them and put you on death-row too. you look at them and feel like you’re mourning geto a second time around, but this time you’re also mourning.. your kids. the kids who called you mom, who sometimes called you up at night when they had some “girl problems” they couldn’t tell suguru right off the bat, the girls that asked you to sew their ripped clothes, and who watched you and geto do that side by side.

you didn’t understand how suguru came to that conclusion, to push you away for good. you never tried to erase his ideology from the girls’ minds, you simply mothered them. you loved them, trained them, you loved him, so what was up with him?

geto feels miserable too. he lost you once, and now he’s lost you twice. he’s rougher with his monkeys, he feels like he’s mourning once again too. and when he looks at nanako and mimiko he cannot stop his heart from ripping apart. they look at pictures of you. every single day, there’s not one that passes when he doesn’t want to call you and tell you to come back. to be the glue, to love him and his daughters, to make them laugh and jump and smile and make him feel warm and fuzzy inside all again. for the first time in his life, he has doubts about his dream world, because when he looks at the once so cheerful duo, sad while holding your picture, and when he remembers the tears in your eyes and how you wiped them away quickly when they came to hug you goodbye, he wants to kill himself like you always did for your cause. he wants to make the devil chew him and spit him out for forgetting you are just like him too — flesh, bones, and misery.

so, for once in his new life, geto does something he never thought he would do — he compromises. exactly 364 days after he forbids you from coming by again, he tells the twins they can go out in the world and enjoy their life. maybe they’ll go looking after you, he thinks, he hopes, and he sees their faces light up and they see his do the same. “but don’t talk to monkeys when it’s not necessary!” he orders, no, he asks. he can’t order his children around.

and mimiko and nanako go out in the world, alone, for the first time, the following day. geto asks them to buy any cake they want, to celebrate for when they come back. so they head to the bakery that breached the barriers of what they knew, once every thirty days: they mostly knew the universe geto had created for them, and once a month came clashing down an asteroid, with flowers, sweets and everything the cult didn’t really have, their mother.

so, after almost getting lost thrice on the metro, when they enter the minimalist store they searched on google maps because they kept a cardboard box of sweets you once brought over, and see your tired figure, tears in your eyes as you mouth and explain the kanji of their name to the lady with the piping bag in her hand, their eyes swell and they can only weakly sob “mom..?”, unsure if it’s actually you or a mirage.

when your head snaps in the direction of the door and you see the two kids you missed so badly in a year, you stare at them blankly. you’re afraid to get close to them, thinking maybe they’re just a shadow created by the months of exhaustion, but when mimiko asks if you remember them, you break down crying, embracing them while they weep on your shoulder too. “how could i not?” you stifle between sniffles and feel them hug you even tighter. it’s almost like movie scene, and even the cashier is on the verge of tears.

when you pull away, you’re all red-eyed and stuffy-nosed, hair a mess and hearts clammy. “let me pay for the cake first, and we can go to my place, yes?” you say and they both nod like they did when you weren’t quite as closely acquainted yet.

“we also have to buy a cake..” nanako says, “could you help us?”

you don’t hesitate and pull them to the refrigerator to chose. “what was the one you always bought?” mimiko asks, heart thumping in her chest. “well, it’s the one i have over there, but they’re actually order-only.” you say, eyeing the cake, sad. the twins bite their lips and scan whatever’s left in the display window.

“excuse me,” the lady jumps in, trying to regain composure too “we have cupcakes with that same filling, if it’s any better!” she says, “and they’re 20 percent off if you buy more than 10! and 50 for more than twenty!”

“then we’d like 24 of them, please.” you say, twins’ faces dropping.

“24? isn’t that too much?” nanako chokes out, and her sister giggles a bit at her expression.

“not at all, no, no!” you reassure, patting their heads. “and don’t even dare to pay me back.” you half-heartedly threaten when the other one reaches into her pocket to take out her wallet. “put it back, miko.”

and so, you get to patch up your heart a little bit. you buy them candles, and they blow them on the cupcakes, and take pictures and laugh about whatever.

and it was like this a lot, because whenever they came over to yours they begged you to tell them about your teenage years and show them everything you did. and, because you couldn’t bring yourself to throw away the years of beauty you had documented on film and paper, you showed them everything, accompanied by cups of tea from porcelain haibara bought you from missions he went on, and cakes and biscuits and all the snacks they asked for (thank god you always kept some stashed for satoru).

pictures of you, satoru, suguru, shoko, nanami, haibara, mei and utahime. they were all there — immortal in the plastic of the polaroids and untouchable in the albums — and no one could steal away those precious moments. you showed them pictures of every kind, going on missions and late night hang-outs in your dorms, they gasped at the sight of geto smoking and laughed at the hairstyles you did on him. in the span of weeks and months of two years, you showed them the person you had fallen in love with, and the friends that welcomed you with open arms in tokyo.

of course they were especially keen on pictures of you and geto, fangirling over the “couple pictures”, the ones shoko took of you both when you weren’t watching and later on gave to you. you showed them satoru’s first hangover, and how their dad held his hair back as he was vomiting his hollow purple into the toilet, and the selfie you and shoko took, a little less hungover, leaning against the stalls.

you showed them videos of you all rehearsing your techniques and geto protecting nanami from gojo’s annoying teenage ass.

you took them to disneyland and rode with them on all the rollercoasters they wanted, and took so many photos you bought nanako a picture-only phone. each of you hung them up in your homes, and sometimes suguru stumbled upon the girls’ pictures when he went into their room, and cried over your portrait upon seeing you in a winnie the pooh headband almost identical to the one he wore when he first took you there in high school.

and although, physically, it weren’t four of you gathered around the table anymore, you still laughed together and you felt free, until 2017 came along.

it was maybe early november when you got the call from satoru, away on business in sapporo. it sounded urgent, and first and foremost, he sounded scared. not frightened, but rather desperate, like he didn’t know what to do. therefore, on your first day back in tokyo, you went to see him.

“just rip the bandaid off, satoru.” you say, gently.

“geto has declared war on us.”

you’re left dumbfounded, tea cup shaking in your hand. you can only blink, awaiting gojo to say more. to give you more information.

“he came by the day i called you. said he’d unleash a thousand curses in kyoto and shinjuku on christmas eve. wanted yuta to join him and belittled maki.”

you put down your cup, head resting in your palms. it feels like a bad dream. you knew what to expect of him, that sooner or later he’d act on his crazy dreams of a non-sorcerer free world, but hoped it would be a lot later than this.

“was he alone?” you ask, gojo’s face making a funny look.

“no, two girls that wanted to eat crepes on takeshita and a shirtless guy.” he explains, “why do you ask?”

this time, you lie to him. you can’t let him know you’ve committed treachery for almost a decade now. “then we should also expect some counter-attack from them, not just some curses running loose.” you explain, and gojo nods approvingly.

“you’re right. we should be careful then, especially with the managers.” he says, and you only bob your head a ‘yes’. “y/n” his voice softens, and round shades peel from his face, “don’t do this to yourself.” he crouches down next to you, hand caressing your shoulder. when he feels your muscles tense, he welcomes you with open arms and you cry on his shoulder for a good ten minutes. when he feels you’ve calmed down, he unlocks his phone and dials a number. it doesn’t ring for long, and he speaks, “hey, emo girl. come over. we’re having a reunion.” he laughs, “y/n’s sad, so you do the maths on how manny bottles you bring.” he says, regretting instantly. “wait, don’t you think five is too much, shoko? hello? shoko? agh, fuck you, girl.” you laugh, and so does he, stroking your back once more. “everything’s gonna be okay, babygirl.”

“dont you ever call me that again.”

the next day, you wake up with your phone blowing up, next to shoko, in gojo’s bed. “answer the fucking phone already.” she groans, and you do, but not before kicking her side.

“yes?” without even looking at the caller id you speak, head spinning from all the alcohol (two bottles and a half, each) and voice hoarse from the packs of cigarettes each one of you smoked the previous night. (three, each.) there goes shoko’s quitting.

“mom? you’re not answering the door, are you okay?” nanako speaks from the other side and you instantly jump out of bed, startling your friend.

“i’ll be there in… fifteen. please wait.” you say and hang up after hearing a positive answer.

you dart from the apartment, hugging gojo on your way out, explaining something came up.

you drive through the city with the speed of light, getting home not just in time, but seven minutes early, and the twins hug you when you see them. when they sit you down on the couch to tell you something, your heart sinks, because you can already feel what it is.

“geto-sama declared war on the college last week.” the fawn haired admits, and the other just looks down at the ground.

“i know.” is all you say, trying to hold back tears.

“we’re really sorry. and if you don’t want to see us again, it’s alright, we, we get it.“ mimiko says, words pulled out of her mouth with prongs, almost unable to finish her sentence.

“don’t you ever think something like that.” you snap, dam breaking behind your eyes. “i saw you all this time despite not agreeing with suguru’s ideology, but you’re still my kids too, you know? i have also done some parenting these last ten years.”

it’s bittersweet, and they feel it too, and they cry too, because from being rescued by suguru to seeing the stranger lady walk into their temple every month and showing them the kindness only geto ever did, you became their mother. you stuck by them, always looking over your shoulder whenever you visited them and taking extra precautions whenever they visited you. you were their asteroid, you were their world, and although geto hurt you, not once, but twice, you still loved him and them like you were there when he saved them.

and they always saw the broken youth and undreamt dreams that hid behind your eyes, so motherly, so tender and reassuring albeit living no better than a fugitive. their lives were less stressful than yours, because you sacrificed yourself to come see them. maybe out of fear of losing geto yet again, or denial, but whatever you may have feared, you always put your little beautifully broken and beloved family above all else, bravely so.

“just promise me you’ll both be careful.” is all you say before they collapse in your arms. and you stand there, reeking of alcohol and cigarettes and the blood of the wound you thought closed up.

“we will, no matter what.”

24.12.2017

you walk into jujutsu high and can’t believe your eyes. you’re tired from killing curses and giving kusakabe a pep-talk every ten minutes, but you don’t think this is all in your mind: smashed cobblestone, holes in the ground. and blood, lots of blood.

you run into the infirmary, shoko’s door flying open as she lets out a half-scream.

“what’s your problem?” she asks, partly annoyed.

“i’m sorry for worrying about my students after i babysat a grown man all day.” you reply, and she laughs, “atsuya again, huh? too bad he’s actually talented, that crybaby persona gets too much somtimes. they’re all safe, yuta used rct on them, but gojo wants to talk to you.” she says.

“is he in the common lobby?” you ask, and she nods approvingly.

when you enter the room, you feel a chill creep up your spine. satoru is still, way too still.

“y/n.”

“satoru.”

he gulps down saliva before asking you the question. “did suguru have daughters?” he says, and you answer, mindless.

“yeah, he has tw—“ then it dawns on you. “satoru?” he sees it too. in the small crack of your voice, some glass shards hitting the linoleum. “satoru, don’t tell me,” you’re on the verge of tears. your throat is dry, stomach doing flips. “oh my god.” you gasp, legs turning into sand, and he rushes to catch you.

“he told me to take care of the three of you, and i didn’t understand and i thought about the crepe girls and then you of course and.. you and.. i… i’m sorry, y/n. i didn’t want it to end like this.” he spits out word after word, boulder rolling off his shoulder, letting himself cry in your embrace.

“no one did, satoru. i’m never gonna blame you for his death, yeah?” your eyes start to water too. he’s still the boy that lost his best friend, you’re still the girl that lost her boyfriend, shoko is still the one that lost a best friend, and you’re all three still teenagers, waiting for someone to guide you through the loss.

you stand like that for a while, until you both calm down.

“thank you.” gojo satoru, the strongest, smiles through tears he’d only ever shown a handful of people.

“thank you, boywonder.” you smile through tears you’d only ever shown a handful of people.

“i have to talk to yaga.” he runs a hand through his hair, exhaling shakily before hugging you goodbye.

you sit down in your chair and watch the sun set. through the window, maki, yuta, panda and inumaki wave at you. you reciprocate, thankful they’re still alive, when all of a sudden your phone rings.

“mom?” the moment you answer, mimiko’s voice cracks on the other end. she usually isn’t one to call, so you’re guessing you know what this is about.

“i’m coming.” you say between your own small shallow breaths, waving the students goodbye through the window once again. you make another quick phone call before leaving campus.

“yes?”

“megumi, gojo’s had a rough day and i can’t spend time with him tonight. shoko also has to do overtime at the morgue. can you keep him company for a bit?”

he sighs. “yeah, i will.”

“thank you.”

“sensei… take care. you’re a great sorcerer…and a great person. just felt like you needed to hear that.”

“thank you, megumi. you too, kiddo.”

31.10.2018

“you know this was reckless, yeah?”

“we’re sorry for keeping you in the dark so long. it’s just — we knew you would’ve stopped us if we told you kenjaku took over geto-sama’s body, and we really want him to have a proper burial.” the brunette clutches her phone to her chest, eyes fixed on the ground.

“we didn’t mean to keep you in the dark so long, but you were already grieving geto-sama for the second time. we didn’t think you’d find out like you did.” mimiko apologizes too, and even though they stand in front of you, apologizing for the biggest mistake they have ever made, you can’t scold them. not when they thought about you, about easing your pain.

“you guys did a stupid thing, that’s all i’m gonna say.” the pause and sigh you take between sentences make them want to burry themselves into the ground, “but i’m not mad, because you did it with good intent.” your voice softens and their gazes come up, meeting your face. “i’m gonna help you, but please wait until i come back.”

their faces lighten as you stroke their hair, stopping when your phone rings.

“ijichi? itadori? alone? shibuya? what’s he doing there? he’s supposed to be in harajuku station with mei ” they read between the words, knowing exactly who this itadori is, “i can’t, i really have enough curses to fight, the meiji-jingu area by itself is packed.” you apologize with gritted teeth and exhausted breath, “i’ll enter the curtain when i’m done, and send you guys some back-up,yeah?”

you look at the twins again, wanting to instinctively crouch down to their level, but they’ve gotten too tall for that. “please, don’t go out. and if you do, be careful, and stay safe. don’t do anything rash.” you say, embracing them both. “i love you two so much.” you hold onto them a bit longer than usual, kissing their cheeks before unlocking the door.

“we love you too.” they say in unison, and smile.

“be careful, yeah? lock the door after i teleport.”

“always.” is the last thing you hear before disappearing.

9.11.2018

“come on, pick up, pick up, pick up…”

you bite your nails in frustration. it’s been a week since the culling game has started, a week since gojo got sealed, since nanami died. since maki got burned. and the biggest act of jujutsu terrorism happened in less than 24 hours under your very noses. a lethal battle royal, where everyone has to kill each other.

it’s been a full week since neither of the twins have contacted you. they don’t respond to their texts either. for mimiko it was normal, she didn’t really use her phone as much as her sister, but when nanako, whose cursed technique is all about using her phone, doesn’t have it, then that’s when you start to worry.

“sensei…” megumi walks up next to you, visibly worried, “who are you looking for? maybe we can help?”

you’ve known megumi ever since gojo found him, and met tsumiki a few times too. you helped gojo train him, something that turned out useful because of your somehow similar cursed techniques: his ten shadows and your use of void space were easy to adapt to the other. you had grown close, especially because of your shared annoyance for his guardian. yet, he never once met your daughters. you would’ve loved to introduce them to each other, mimiko would have been thrilled to have another just as quiet friend of her age and nanako would have loved to bother the two of them. still, you didn’t. you couldn’t, because that would mean explaining to gojo why you have two kids with you and (while still visiting the temple) possibly needing to convince suguru to let you take them out, and even a possible slip-up would’ve meant all hell breaking loose. though sometimes you thought maybe not, since it wasn’t non-sorcerers you were wanting to befriend them with, but it was still too risky. higher-ups had eyes everywhere, and you didn’t want to risk being labeled as foe.

“y/n-sensei, fushiguro’s right!” yuuji chimes in, making you laugh a little bit, “tell us, maybe we’ve seen the person!”

“and once we’re done speaking with master tengen, we can help you search for them.”

“you too, yuki?” you sigh, still spamming the call button.

“that’s tsukumo-senpai to you!” she jokes.

“ugh, someone, take this thing away already! it keeps buzzing way too much!” a hole opens on itadori’s hand, sukuna groaning some curse words and spitting a cell phone out, full of annoyance and disgust.

your heart drops and your mind blurs as you look at it. green, silicone, bunny ears.

“sensei?” yuuta now directs his attention to you too. “sensei, what’s wrong?” he seems worried, and so do the rest of them.

“what’s that?” choso points to the green rectangle on the ground, crouching and flipping it around. they all look at the screen, which reads “mom”.

“that’s a cellphone, choso!” yuki explains.

“that’s — that’s nanako’s cellphone.” you stammer, collapsing to your knees. “yuuji, when— how? this is bad, bad, bad, bad..” you think out loud, voice shakier with every word as you flip the phone from one side to the other. “she-she can’t use her technique without her phone, oh my god. but she’s definitely with mimiko, so maybe they can transfer points to each other, and her combat skills aren’t bad at all, maybe.. ”

“y/n-sensei, i don’t know how that got there.” itadori speaks, almost ashamed.

“i do!” another orifice opens on his hand, grinning. “i killed them.”

everybody’s in shock, you gasp, phone falling on the floor as both your hands cover your mouth.

“the dark haired’s head i blew off, the other’s i sliced.” the curse continues.

“itadori, please make that thing shut up.” maki orders harshly, expression softening when her gaze falls back on you.

“sukuna, this is not the time for jokes.” itadori intervenes.

“i’m not joking. they tried to boss me around, telling me they’ll give me another finger if i kill kenjaku. some brats, trying to command the king of curses around, pfft. i couldn’t give a damn about them wanting that body back or whatever.”

yuki and yuta help you up. megumi stares at you, and choso has partially read the air, pitiful expression plastered across his face. itadori’s head hangs low. yours does too. you don’t blame him, you could never, but you’d like to beat sukuna dead right then and there. exorcize him out of his mind, over and over again. your blood boils, and you feel the cursed energy forming in the pit of your stomach. the ground breaks beneath you, literally, and everybody watches the crack extend into the horizon. you feel like a part of you has died again. the first one died when geto committed mass murder and disappeared off of the face of earth, the second one died when he told you to stop visiting the temple. the third one died on christmas eve, with suguru, and two more parts, the fifth and sixth, died when you found out your girls were dead, a few moments ago. you didn’t even know you had that many in you, but you knew you needed an outlet.

so, you use the only one you have around, that is not fatal to anybody: you let the shards break, you let them explode, allow them to cut you — you scream. you scream, falling to the ground, hands gripping at your hair. and you scream, you scream for nanako and mimiko, for suguru, for satoru, for shoko, for nanami who could’ve escaped his destiny had he not come back, for haibara, for inumaki, for mai, for mechamaru, for nobara who’s fighting death, for the youth you had lost, for the kids that are next to you in this hellhole, for the youth they’ve been stripped of, you scream for your life and scream. and megumi sees one of the women he grew up around losing it, and yuta and itadori see their teacher in shambles, maki sees her role model falling apart; yuki sees the only other special-grade, that’s not a teenager, she has left fighting to not blow up the country, and choso sees a talented sorcerer with a good heart dying inside.

and you scream, you scream until your throat is dry and even dryer and you cough, cough dry, cough blood, cough until you just stop.

megumi kneels down in front of you, and you just stare at him. he looks back at you, eyelashes wet with tears he’d never admit of having shed, silently begging you to not leave him too. he grasps your hands softly like suguru did on the first day you showed up at his temple and pulls you in to hug you. and you see in him the boy suguru used to be, and in all your other students the group of teenagers you built a family with and your heart breaks because they built their own too.

maki kneels down too, and hugs you too, and so does yuta, and although, sheepishly, yuji does that too. choso thinks a bit but megumi nods in approval and he does join, and yuki also circles her arms around you as you cry. deep down you feel and know they’re scared of what you would do, so they hold you down.

megumi never saw you cry once. not because you weren’t a cryer, the three of swords was marked by scalding iron on your heart, but because you never really cried in front of people you didn’t know, or people you didn’t want to perceive you as weak. but he remembers the only time — once, when him and tsumiki were staying over at gojo’s for the weekend — he heard you through the walls. he was eleven, he believes, and he still remembers how you sounded. the memory is sewn into his brain, and whenever he remembers it, his stomach knots and his lymph nodes harden. since then, sometimes, when he saw you smiling, he only thought about what’s kept underneath your smile and your designer clothes and jujutsu records that you broke.

“i raised them, they were my girls too.” you whisper, “they only wanted their dad to have a proper burial, was that really so much to ask for?” your head shakes in disapproval to their fate, “curse users or not, i still carry their picture around in my wallet, i still have every inch of my home full of pictures of them.”

you stop to catch a breath. they’re all still around you, not letting go.

“if it means killing kenjaku, i’ll turn myself into a vengeful spirit if it has to come to that.”

46 notes · View notes

gloseoks · 2 years ago

Text

✩ dear friend - bang chan ✩

pairing: bang chan x gn!reader

genre: some angst, some fluff, and lots of longing and letter writing

summary: you and chan are workplace rivals but you’re torn between the growing feelings you’re trying to ignore and the person you’re falling for through anonymous letter writing. // based off the movies “shop around the corner,” and “you’ve got mail”

word count: 7.1k

warmings: none that i can think of, just lots of mutual pining

sending a huge thanks to @awooghan for beta reading and helping with formatting this ily muah <3

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dear friend,

everyday, my heart fills with excitement as i check the post box, anxious to see if there’s a letter there for me. your words have filled my days with joy, and your letters have always brought a smile to my face.

everyday, i long to ask how your day was, know everything about it, about you. i know nothing about you and yet, i feel as if i’ve known you forever. one day, i desperately wish to meet you in person, and continue these conversations that keep me going.

i’m sorry this note is so short, expect a longer one to come in your mail soon.

yours, always

you looked over the short letter in your hands for what felt the the thousandth time that day and felt a warm bubble rise up inside your chest.

it had started out on a whim one day several months ago, when you put an ad in the local paper for an anonymous correspondence with someone about your age. you were just looking for a friend, living all alone the past few years had been just that… lonely.

you hadn’t expected anyone to answer until… someone did. one day, you went to your mailbox and there it was, a letter addressed to you. there was no name, only a return post address.

truthfully, you knew nothing about each other, both of you stating from the beginning to keep personal details private. you only wanted it to be a safe space to share your opinions and ideas and not have to worry about the actual trivialities of your everyday lives.

yet, despite not knowing the other’s name or much more about him personally besides his age, the two of you found yourselves becoming friends. you wrote about everything and nothing all at the same time. you found yourself opening up to this stranger on the other side of the page more than you ever had to anyone you knew in your real life.

while not sharing about where you worked or what you did, you would tell him when you had a hard day, a good day, or anything in between. you wrote about your interests, the books you read, the hobbies you had. he had done the same for you, telling you of his love for music and writing. how sometimes he couldn’t sleep if inspiration struck or how he’d sometimes go for walks at night to help him focus and destress from the day.

slowly, as the months passed, both yours and his letters started to become more fluffy, bordering on romantic. neither of you addressed it, it just… happened. you still spoke about your days and what filled your lives, just with some extra pining over how much you’d like to see each other and talk in real life as well.

you hadn’t actually met yet, if you were being honest, you were a bit scared to take that next step of moving from the safety of anonymity to the anxiety of meeting in person. you knew the moment you did meet, things would change either for the better or for worse.

but, that was a conversation for another day. at that moment, you had bigger things to worry about, namely chan, the manager of the store you worked at.

to put it simply, you hated him. he seemed to act like he owned the place, even if that wasn’t true. and yes, maybe sometimes your provoked him, but it was just because he annoyed you so much. he was nice and sweet to everyone else, a pure angel to the customers that visited the shop but with you, he was different. more sharp and direct, always strictly business.

yet… there was a time when you first started at the shop when you found yourself looking at him, staring for a second longer than you should. he was handsome, there was no denying that, but those feelings were quickly overwhelmed with unadulterated annoyance the longer you worked with him.

you sighed lightly, tucking the letter you held in your hands back in your pocket as you walked into the shop. chan’s stupid face wasn’t the first thing you wanted to see when you entered your workplace but alas, there he was, grinning broadly as always as he spoke with a customer. rolling your eyes, you made your way back to the locker room, greeting your other coworkers with a smile on your way. you deposited your things in your locker before taking a deep breath and heading out onto the sales floor.

it took all of two seconds once you were out of the break room for chan to wave you over, the customer he had been assisting moments earlier nowhere in sight. you mentally steeled yourself for whatever tasks he had planned for you that day as you walked over to stand by him.

“good morning,” you said, a tight smile plastered on your face. it was no secret you disliked him or that he wasn’t very fond of you. but, as one of the shop’s best salespeople, you were a favorite of the owner of the shop, you knew there was no way you were going to be fired over the quarrels you and your manager shared.

he gave you a nod in response. “good morning, y/n.” he handed you a list of things to do around the store throughout the day. “make sure to have these done before you leave today.”

you looked over the list and eyed one of the requests incredulously. “i just rearranged these last week, why do they need to be moved again?”

“we need to sell more of these to clear out the stock for the new shipment coming in,” he quipped. “they weren’t selling well enough where they were, so, you get to move them today.”

you gave a quiet huff but nodded anyway, taking the list and tucking it next to the letter in your pocket to work on when business was slow. “your wish is my command,” you said with a small bow and flourish of your hand.

chan smiled back, his face mirroring the sarcasm in your own. “truly, these little moments we share get me through my day.”

you chuckled, shaking your head, and walked away, not saying anything more. as business was usually slow that early in the morning, you began the tedious task of moving all the little knick knacks around as chan had set out for you.

fortunately for you, the lull in customers didn’t last long as christmas wasn’t too far off and it seemed lots of people were set to get their shopping done early. you found the distraction from your organizing welcome, and putting on your best smile, you went from person to person, upselling every product you could.

•••

you spent your day helping customers find gifts for their loved ones and tidying up during the few ebbs in the store business. you still had the monster that was rearranging all the tiny knick knacks in the display to deal with, but you kept so busy throughout the day that you’d almost forgotten about it.

finally, the store had closed and you wanted nothing more than to go home and sit down and write to your mysterious person. you turned to see the display from earlier, half finished and staring at you. you groaned internally and went to check with chan if it really needed to be done today or if you could go home and finish it tomorrow.

“sorry, y/n, but it really does need to be finished today,” he told you with a slight shrug of his shoulders. “christmas isn’t too far off, it’s important that everything looks its best right now.”

“i see,” you nodded and let out a quiet sigh before you trudged over to the display to start working on it.

a few minutes in, hyunjin, one of your coworkers walked over to where you stood rearranging everything.

“do you need some help there?” he asked with a smile. “my section’s already done, so i thought i’d see how you’re doing.”

you smiled back at him and nodded. “i’d love some help, actually, thank you.”

together, the two of you worked on rearranging the whole display to the way chan said the shop owner wanted it.

“i just rearranged this last week,” you groaned to hyunjin while you were in the middle of organizing. “it’s like he wants to make my job harder.”

hyunjin hummed, turning a tag over in his hand once. “chan can be difficult, but he’s really not all bad. he just wants to make sure this place is at its best so we all have jobs to come back to.”

“i guess,” you sighed and replaced a tag for a product in front of you. “it feels like he has it out for me, sometimes.”

“it’s not like you do any favors for yourself always being snarky and sarcastic back to him,” hyunjin snickered. “what made you hate him so much, anyway?”

you shrugged. “it’s not that i hate him, he just annoys me. it’s like, even if i do my best with something, he’ll find something wrong with it, somewhere it could be better. it makes me feel horrible about myself some days.”

“chan’s like that sometimes, even with me, and we’ve been friends since we were kids,” hyunjin said with a chuckle.

“why are you still friends with him, then?” you couldn’t help but ask.

hyunjin stayed quiet for a moment, thinking over your question. “because he really is better than the manager persona he uses at work. here, everything we do falls on him. in the eyes of the store owner, if we do well, he does well, but if we mess up, he messes up. ultimately, i think if you got to know him a bit better, you might find you like him more.”

“interesting.” you nodded as you both finished setting up and reorganizing the display.

“thank you for the help, hyunjin,” you said with a sigh after the display was set up in the right order again. “it would’ve taken even longer if you hadn’t come over when you did.”

“anytime,” he said as a smile graced his features. “there was a lot to do, i wouldn’t want to leave you like that.”

you smiled wider at his words. “and that’s why you’re the best, hyunjin. i’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

hyunjin nodded. “as if i’d be anywhere else,” he added with a laugh.

you gave him a small wave in response before grabbing your things and walking to your tiny apartment a few blocks away.

•••

dear friend,

how i wish to meet you also, truly know you in person as well as i do here. what if we did meet? it would be a lie if i said the prospect didn’t make me anxious as this could change everything for us.

but on the other hand, what if we did? we could give ourselves everything we want. let me think on this a few days more, and i will have an answer for you then.

i must confess though, in your last letter, when you were signing off, i noticed a difference in your ending. it might have just been a small mistake, only a tiny pen stroke different than normal, but it has made my mind spin with the possibilities. instead of signing “yours always,” you signed “yours, always.” how i selfishly enjoy the idea of being yours.

yours, always

p.s. i’ve thought it over some more and i do believe i would like to meet you.

•••

your hands shook slightly as you made your way to the mailbox to drop off your letter. this was a new step in your… relationship? you weren’t entirely sure what you had with the man on the other side of the page. you wanted to know though truly what you were to each other and you also knew that had to start with meeting each other, face to face.

so, you took a breath for confidence and slipped the letter into the mailbox. you couldn’t deny the mix of emotions that swirled inside you as you sent the letter off. you knew things would change after this, you just hoped they’d be for the better.

the next few days were dull and uneventful, most of your time spent at work. the holidays were growing closer and the shop you worked in was becoming increasingly busy everyday. you hardly paid it any notice though, your only thoughts being that of the letter you had sent and the man on the other side of the page.

chan was being the insufferable manager he always was and yet, even quarreling with him couldn’t take your focus off the more important matter at hand. how could it when the only thing that occupied your mind was what the answer to your letter would be?

you tried desperately tried to be rational and not to let your excitement get in the way, you really did. but you couldn’t deny the bubble of hope that rose in your chest at the sight of the letter sitting in your mailbox three days later. you threw ration to the wind and hurried back to read your letter in the safety and comfort of your apartment.

dear friend,

i understand and sympathize with your anxieties over meeting. if you would, please allow me to try and allay some of the fears you may have. i, too, am somewhat anxious over the prospect of meeting. for the past few months, this has been a safe place for us both to speak freely on whatever topics we wish and when we meet, it may not be so anymore.

but, i am willing to risk that to be able to finally know the face in front of the beautiful mind i have been speaking with these last months, to know who you are unabashedly. i cannot wait any longer to finally see you.

so yes, let’s meet. what do you say to 7pm wednesday, at the little cafe on baker street, do you know the one? let’s both bring a single daisy as they are flowers we both love so, to know who the other is.

and in answer to the other question in your last letter, yes, it was entirely intentional. how i just as selfishly long to be yours as well, both here on paper and in the world outside.

yours, always

you stared down at the paper in your hands, eyes wide in mild disbelief. he actually did want to meet you? the revelation set your hands shaking anew.

you hurriedly wrote a letter back detailing that yes, you so desperately wanted to meet him as well, and yes, you would be there, no matter what, at the cafe on baker street at 7pm.

from then on, nothing could dampen your mood. your anxiety over what would come at this… meeting? date? was still there, yes, but it had lessened greatly so. you practically waltzed through your days, and you sold more more of the products at the shop than you ever had before.

with everything inside you, you thanked the universe that you wouldn’t be working wednesday evening and would be free to keep your plans.

you had dressed nicely, not wanting to seem too casual on one end, or like you were expecting too much on the other. you fussed a bit over your hair before you took a single daisy from the small bouquet you bought earlier and placed the stem securely in the front cover of your favorite book. it was another idea you had thought of when you sent the letter back saying that you wanted to meet him.

as you walked to your destination, you tried not to let yourself get into your own head. you wondered how the night would go, what he would be like after you two met face to face. there was always the possibility he wasn’t he who said he was, but you tried not to think of that. he had picked a busy cafe and you chose to consider that a good sign.

you ordered a warm drink and one of the small slices of cake the cafe was offering before you decided on a place to sit. you chose a table by the window, out of the way, but still easily visible from the front of the cafe. setting your book in front of you, daisy poking out of the cover, you leaned back in your spot and waited for your date to show up.

•••

“i don’t know if i can do this, jinnie.”

chan let out a sigh as he paced back and forth in front of the small set of steps to the cafe door. “i mean, this person, they’re so wonderful. their mind is brilliant, we’ve talked about everything and nothing. what if i ruin it all by going in there?”

hyunjin sighed as well. “we’ve talked about this so many times. i know they’ll love to meet you just as much as you will them.”

“i just- i like them so much, if they’re even one bit as amazing in person as they are on paper, i’d be a fool not to turn my life upside down for them,” chan stressed. he threaded his fingers through his hair and pulled at it lightly as he kept pacing.

“chan, really, it’s okay. look, if you want, i can look in the window and see if they’re even there,” hyunjin offered, placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

chan looked at the other man gratefully. “would you please?”

“of course,” hyunjin nodded and went to look in the window of the cafe. he peered in, straining his neck a bit to try and get a glimpse of the person his friend was looking for. “ah! i see someone really beautiful…”

“really?” chan looked up at his friend hopefully.

“…but no daisy,” hyunjin finished. he winced as his friend punched his shoulder lightly.

“that wasn’t funny,” chan said, a pout forming on his face.

hyunjin let out a light chuckle. “sorry, sorry, that wasn’t nice of me. i’ll look again.” he turned and looked back into the cafe window.

“do you see anything?” chan pressed, starting his pacing once more.

hyunjin paused, his eyes landing on a person in the cafe. “i do see someone. a book and a daisy, that fits the description, right?”

“yes, yes! what do they look like?” chan perked up, wanting to stand by his friend but suddenly finding himself unable to move.

hyunjin paused again, a bit longer this time. “they’re… pretty, very pretty. you know, they almost have the likeness of y/n, from the shop.”

chan frowned in confusion. “y/n? what do they have to do with this?”

“you have to admit, they are attractive,” hyunjin shrugged, looking back through the window.

“well yeah, i- i guess, but why are you bringing them up now? what they look like has nothing to do with this,” chan replied, frustration growing by the second.

“i can tell you right now, if you don’t like y/n, you won’t like this person,” hyunjin said and turned back to his friend.

“why not?” chan groaned loudly. he was about to pull his hair out at his friend’s cryptic language.

“because it is y/n.”

at that, chan felt his whole world tilt. you? it couldn’t be, there was no way, hyunjin had to be mistaken. the couple steps to the cafe door he leapt up were nothing as he hurried to stand next to the other man and peered in the window. sure as the day, you were sitting there, book in front of you, daisy neatly tucked in the front cover.

“what are you going to do?” hyunjin asked from beside him.

chan scoffed. “i’m going to go home, obviously. they’ve done nothing but make my life difficult and fight with me the past 6 months.” he shrugged and turned to walk down the couple steps from the cafe door.

“but, chan, wait! what about all those letters?” hyunjin rushed down the steps to grab his friend’s arm. “shouldn’t you at least tell them who you are so they don’t keep wondering? standing them up isn’t the right thing to do, either.”

chan sighed. “why shouldn’t i just leave them there?”

“because,” hyunjin started, trying to choose his words carefully, “if- no, when they find out who you are, they’ll know you left them, humiliated them, honestly, and you’ll be just what they thought of you the whole time.”

“you really think i should go in?” chan rubbed a hand over his face, the whole situation starting to make his head hurt.

“definitely. you don’t even have to tell them yet, just make an appearance. show them that you’re better than the image of you they’ve built up in their mind,” hyunjin told him, reaching a hand up to pat chan’s shoulder reassuringly.

chan let out a soft huff. “i guess so. thanks for coming with me, hyunjin,” he said, a weak smile on his face.

his friend nodded and patted his shoulder once more. “anytime. good luck, channie.”

with a deep breath, chan squared his shoulders and walked inside the cafe.

•••

you looked up from the mug you were slowly swirling in your hands and met eyes with the one person you desperately didn’t want to see that evening. and, just your luck, he was making a beeline straight for your table.

“y/n, what a pleasure seeing you here,” he had the audacity to smile at you as he went to sit down across from you. “mind if i sit?”

“yes i do!” you exclaimed, putting a hand out to try and prevent him from sitting. “it may interest you to know that i happen to be waiting for someone.”

“oh, my apologies,” he said and went to sit at the table… right behind you, to your utmost annoyance. he was quiet for a moment and then, “it does interest me, actually. what sort of person would you be meeting?”

“one much better than you’d be able to imagine,” you quip back.

you hear a soft scoff from behind you. “oh, sure.” another second later and he was back in your frame of view, sitting down in the chair in front of you.

“chan, please!” you tried to shoo him away again, but he stayed seated.

“no, now i’m curious. what kind of person strikes your fancy?” he asked, leaning forward a bit in his spot.

“he’s someone that’s decent and kind and is able to hold a good conversation. at least, i think he is,” you said, mumbling the last part.

“you think? haven’t you met this knight in shining armor yet?” his voice was incredulous, eyebrows raised.

at that, you faltered slightly. “well- well no, not in person, but that’s not what matters. what matters is that he has a beautiful, brilliant mind. not that you’d understand minds and hearts meeting and connecting on a deeper level.”

“oh i wouldn’t, would i?” chan said, a clear challenge in his words.

“of course not, all you care about is business, if someone looked inside your mind, all they’d find are products and sales. you’re nothing but a bottom line,” you said harshly and immediately, you wished you could take it back.

chan looked like he’d just been hit, your words sunk deep inside him. “wow,” he said quietly, a mirthless chuckle following. “that’s my cue to leave, i suppose.”

his brown eyes, which had previously been lit up in the heat of argument, were closed off and emotionless.

“have a good night, y/n,” he said in that same dejected tone. “sorry to ruin your date.”

“chan, wait-“ you tried to call after him, but he’d already gotten up and walked out.

you sat in that cafe for two more hours, and your date never showed. by the time the cafe closed some time later, you couldn’t bear to meet the eyes of the workers that walked past you all night and the sympathetic looks in their eyes.

storming out of the cafe, you wiped furiously at your eyes. you had been humiliated and all you wanted to do was go home and cry. but first, you had something you needed to do.

you sat down at your desk as soon as you got back to your apartment and pulled out a sheet of paper.

dear friend,

or should i even call you that?

you left me there at that cafe for two hours. how could you do that? you’ve humiliated me. i trusted you.

there had better be a good reason for this.

•••

days passed and you heard nothing. you knew you were taking a chance when you started the connection with him, but you hadn’t expected it to blow up in your face this badly. you truly thought you had a chance at something real. or maybe, you really were just a fool all along.

your emotions felt dull and it showed to everyone around you. you didn’t say anything to the people who gave you curious glances, wondering what had changed in you. you still went about your work day, putting on a good smile and upbeat personality for the customers you were selling to. but every time you were by yourself or away from the storefront, you just felt deflated.

one day, the better part of a week after your failed date with your mystery person, chan pulled you aside.

“y/n,” he started, his voice more gentle than how he probably felt, “what’s been going on lately? are you alright?”

you scoffed at his feigned innocence. “as if you don’t know what you did.”

the man in front of you frowned. “look, i’m sorry i barged in on your date. you told me not to and i did anyway, i apologize.”

“you did more than that, you humiliated me. i know he didn’t show up because of you and now, i haven’t heard from him since,” you hissed, keeping your voice low.

chan nodded, running a hand through his curly hair. “i understand and again, i deeply apologize.”

rolling your eyes, you turned away from him and started to walk away. “whatever, come back when you mean it.”

on your way home that day, you stopped by the post office, and hoped a letter would be there, but not holding your breath for one. but, to your surprise and growing anxiety, there was a single letter in your mailbox.

you grabbed the letter in your hands and practically ran back to your apartment. you didn’t dare to read the letter in public when you didn’t know what it contained and you wouldn’t be caught crying in front of people and their sympathetic stares again.

once you were safely back in your apartment, you sat down, and with shaking hands, opened the letter.

dear friend,

i deeply apologize to have hurt you in such a way. please allow me to explain why i behaved in the way i did.

when i arrived at the cafe we agreed on, i noticed you had already been joined by another handsome young man. tell me, who is he? he seems to be just the type people would fall for and i didn’t want to intrude on your conversation.

i am still interested in continuing our correspondence if you are, i truly hope this clears up some of the confusion you have. again, i apologize from the bottom of my heart, i never meant to hurt you.

yours, if you will have me, always

you stared at the page at the page for a moment. you read the letter once, and then again, and again. to say you were astounded was an understatement. you thought he would blow up and be furious at you but, as he always seemed to do, he did the opposite of what you had expected. he surprised you, with his gentleness, and the way he understood and thought the best of you, even though you still did not know each other face to face.

the end of his letter gave you pause. “yours, if you will have me, always.” your mind was sent reeling once again with the meaning laced in those words. you desperately, desperately longed to just ask, to see him in person and tell him you would be his. but, to your misfortune, you were stuck here, on the other side of the page.

this did bring to light though, the suspicion you held all along, that the reason you hadn’t met yet face to face was because of one person, chan. it was all his fault you got left alone on your date.

you marched up to him the next day, fit to be tied, and shoved the letter in chan’s face.

“you did this! it’s all your fault, look!” you accused, poking your finger at his shoulder.

you stepped back and stayed silent while he read the letter, his eyes moving over the paper swiftly. when he looked up at you again, there was a small smirk playing at his lips.

“i am still sorry for ruining your date, but really, how strong of a person must he be if just seeing someone else with you scares him off?” he asked, his gaze danced with mischief.

you stepped closer to him and poked at his shoulder again, more harshly this time. “one much better and stronger than you could hope to be,” you retorted. “not that you’d understand that.”

“well sue me, then. i’ll be happy to write a letter of disinterest to your love to help smooth things over if you’d like,” he said, stepping up to the challenge in your words, a soft chuckle following his statement.

you stared up at him with narrowed eyes for a moment before you realized just how close the two of you had gotten. you and chan were practically chest to chest, faces mere inches apart. for a beat, everything was silent, just both of you trying to stare the other down.

eventually, chan conceded first, taking a slight step back, but still staying just in your personal space bubble. “fine,” he said quietly. “i know i bring out the worst in you, and i’m sorry. tell me where to send the letter and i’ll have a note out tonight.”

slowly, you took a step back to match his and shook your head. “no, it’s- it’s fine. just stay out of my romantic life, please,” you said, the fight having been drained out of you. “and maybe every other aspect, while you’re at it.”

chan did just that in the days that followed. he was still aggravatingly civil with you at work, never letting your arguments get in between your jobs. but, other than that, he just left you alone to do your work. and that’s what you did, you focused on working, ignoring your insufferable manager as much as you could.

you couldn’t help but notice how he looked over at you sometimes when you were busy with a customer or he thought you wouldn’t notice. his gaze always looked… longing, almost sad. you tried not to pay too much attention to those looks or the feelings they stirred inside you.

meanwhile, things were better than ever with your person. you had written him back and explained all that had gone on and that the person he saw you with meant nothing to you. you explained exactly who he was and what your relationship was. as it always seemed, your person was understanding and shared in the sympathies of having a tough person to work with.

after a few more letters, the two of you had decided to try meeting again for christmas eve, which was a little more than two weeks away. you were going to try meeting again at the cafe you went to the previous time that was foiled.

but, as it seemed, nothing good lasted for too long.

it was a mere week and a half before christmas, and you were sick. it had started out an innocent enough sore throat and mild cough, but in less than a day, it had turned into a monster of a sickness. your head pounded, your nose was stuffy and you couldn’t stop coughing. you had told chan you wouldn’t be in that day as you could hardly stand for more than a few minutes without needing to sit down again.

you sat in your bed, wrapped up in blankets, hot tea on the table next to you, when you heard a knock at your apartment door. grumbling softly to yourself, you hauled yourself out of bed, keeping one blanket wrapped around your shoulders. you waddled to the door and opened it, shock covering your face as you took in the person in front of you.

“you?” you asked, unable to help the incredulous tone that crept into your voice.

chan smiled sheepishly and held up a box of tea in one hand and a box of tissues in the other. “i- i wanted to make sure you were doing okay.”

your scoff of unbelief quickly turned into a cough that took you a minute to calm down from. you opened the door more and waved him in with one hand. “come in or whatever, i guess,” you said in between coughs.

chan walked in, setting the boxes down on the counter on the kitchen. “how are you doing?”

you stared at him, blinking a couple times. “how do you think i’m doing, genius?” your voice was rough, as if you’d eaten a load of gravel for breakfast instead of nothing but tea and honey.

chan nodded, his face turning into a slight wince. “right, sorry. i just wanted to make sure you were doing okay and taking care of yourself.”

you frowned a bit. “why?” you asked, wandering over to the kitchen counter and looking at the kind of tea he’d brought. it was your favorite, how had he known?

“you- i just-“ he paused with a sigh, “look, i know you live here in the city by yourself and i wanted to make sure you had someone looking after you while you’re sick.”

you stayed where you were, slowly blinking at him a couple times. “okay,” you finally said. “thank you.”

chan smiled a little, his dimples showing. the thought of how you never noticed his dimples before entered the back of your mind somewhere and you pushed it away immediately.

“of course,” he said, small smile still on his face. “now, you get back to bed and rest, christmas is soon, it’d be a shame if you missed it.”

you tried so hard to ignore the way your heart fluttered ever so lightly at his demeanor, it was so different from how he had acted toward you as your manager.

you sniffled slightly and nodded, turning and trudging back toward your bed. “thank you for the tea and tissues,” you said, your voice nothing but a quiet grumble.

some time later, you heard the apartment door close again. when you got up the next day, you found all the dishes you’d left in the sink were washed and in the drainer.

from that day on, things were… different between you and chan. not necessarily nice but, less tense, better. you could deal with better, you decided.

finally, the day you had been waiting for arrived. it was christmas eve.

the shop where you worked was the busiest it had ever been, the customers didn’t stop pouring in all day long. you barely had time to breathe, which was good because it meant you didn’t have time to stress over your upcoming date later that night.

you kept going and going until the store closed in the early evening. you helped the rest of your coworkers pack up and get the store cleaned up for the day after christmas when you would be open again. eventually, all the rest of your coworkers trickled out as the work was nearly finished, until it was just you and chan left in the store.

“do you have any plans for tonight or christmas tomorrow?” he asked, in the middle of sweeping the floor.

you shrugged, wiping down a countertop. over the past couple weeks, small conversations like this had become more frequent between the two of you. “i’m going to finally meet my person. we’re meeting at the cafe where you interrupted our date the last time.”

“are you excited?” chan asked, not looking up from where he was finishing sweeping.

you nodded immediately, moving the cloth in your hands over to the next counter, wiping that down as well. “i am, i’ve been waiting so long for this, to have a connection in person with him will be the best christmas present.”

chan finished sweeping and put the broom aside. he grabbed a rag and walked over to the display counter next to you, starting to wipe it down.

“interesting,” he commented. “i know we haven’t always been on the best of terms, but, i hope it goes well for you.”

“thank you, i’m sure it will, he’s an amazing man with a brilliant mind,” you said, smiling a bit to yourself.

there was a pause and then, “what if he doesn’t show up? he didn’t last time, what if he doesn’t again?”

you scoffed and turned away from him, going to put the dirty rag in the bucket to be washed. you heard quiet footsteps behind you as chan followed you over to do the same.

“i’m- i’m just saying, you deserve someone who will actually be there and show up for you, you know?” he said, you noticed his voice was a touch softer than it had been a few moments prior.

“oh really?” you said, rolling your eyes. “until a couple weeks ago, you hated me, and i wasn’t very fond of you either.” by then, you both had moved into the break room where you kept your things. you collected your coat and turned just in time to see his face fall.

“i… i never hated you.” the confession was quiet and his words halted for a moment before he spoke again. “you weren’t always the easiest to get along with, but i never hated you.”

he took a step closer to you and right then, there was no way you could deny how your heart pounded in your chest.

“you didn’t?” your voice was soft, not trusting your ears. “why didn’t you say anything?”

he took another small step toward you, “i thought it would just be easier to keep work separate from relationships. so, i became what i had to to keep that up, the annoying asshole manager that you hated.”

you stared at him in disbelief. “you… what?” you could feel your head getting fuzzy with the implications but you tried to just focus on the moment you were in.

chan nodded once, his steady gaze held yours. “it’s true. i just… i had to get that out there. i don’t want to ruin your date, again, though. you should get going.”

“you’re right, i do have a date, i- i don’t want to be late,” you said, words quiet, and walked from the break room onto the main floor of the shop.

“but- you know what i wish would happen?” chan’s soft voice followed you out into the bigger room. you halted in your tracks, not daring to turn around and face him.

“i wish that- that instead of your date showing up tonight, that it’s me that walks in instead.” you could hear as he moved closer to you, only a mere few feet away. “i wouldn’t leave you waiting, wondering if i’d show up or not.”

“why… don’t do this to me, chan, please,” you begged, barely louder than a whisper. you felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes and you tried to will them away.

“i’d take you in my arms and hold you close and never let you go, my dear friend.”

his hand touched your shoulder and it was at that moment you finally turned. the longing you’d seen in his eyes the past weeks had been written plainly all over his face. you shook your head slightly as your eyes searched his warm brown ones.

“…you?”

a small, almost imperceptible nod. “how i just as selfishly long to be yours as well, both here on paper and in the world outside,” he recited. he slowly brought a hand up to brush away a stray hair from your forehead. it truly was him, he couldn’t have known that line from the single letter you showed him after your failed date.

you felt as if the wind had been knocked completely from your lungs. a punch right in your stomach would be nothing in comparison to what you felt then. “but- but you were there that night. i was so horrible to you.“

chan smiled, a soft, fond smile, one that held no malice. “as was i, we both had much to work on.”

you frowned slightly. “you knew, and you kept writing. why would you do that?”

“i knew who i saw while we were working couldn’t have been the real you, and it wasn’t. i was being an ass and you just responded in turn, i do not fault you for that,” he said, his other hand joined the first one in gently cupping your face.

you blinked up at him, a tiny smile playing at your lips as you just let yourself feel everything you had buried deep down inside.

“so, my darling y/n, my dear, dear friend, i will be yours, always, if you’ll have me,” his words were barely a whisper in the air. one of his thumbs absentmindedly stroked the top of your cheek as he waited for your answer.

“as long as you’ll have me, too,” you said, not daring to take your eyes off of him.

his face stretched into a grin that could light up the whole room as he leaned down to rest his forehead against yours. “there is nothing in this world i want more.”

that was all it took before you leaned up and threw your arms around his neck, pulling his face down until his lips met yours. he smiled against you and kissed you back with no hesitation. there was no rush, no urgency to it—just you and your person, who was no longer on the other side of the page but with you, always, as long as you’d have him.

#stray kids #fanfic #skz #skz fanfic #stray kids fanfic #bang chan #skz bang chan #bang chan fluff #light angst #happy ending #fluff

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finn-m-corvex · 1 year ago

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*SPRINGS INTO THE FINNBOX* HIHIHI HELLO FINN!!!!

I see ur doing the writer ask game 👀

so 1, 4, 8, 14, 16, 48, 23, and 31 for the ask game! (it's alot sorry-)

HI HI HI AND HELLO! IT MAY BE A LOT BUT I CAN DO IT LEVI! No worries at all!

1 - Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

Multi-chapter! I love fleshing stuff out and seeding ideas and all that good stuff. Lightning in a Cubicle was supposed to be one thing but now it's like, at least five I think. Same thing with Survivors. When I start something I go all in!

4 - Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

Would you believe me if I said that it just kinda happens?

That's not entirely true but it also kind of is. One of the things that I trained myself to do when I was younger was constantly narrate my life; my brain is always writing even if I'm not actually writing, and that's what spawns new ideas. And it's not an "Oh I should have a sandwich for lunch," but more like a "'I should have a sandwich for lunch,' she thought as she walked down the sidewalk.'

Also I think about something that I wish someone else would write and I think "well ill just do it myself"

8 - Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story?

The middle! It's so underrated. I know everyone gets hyped about climactic scenes and bombshell beginnings but there's something about the middle that's so endearing to me. You don't have to worry about tying up loose ends or making sure you get stuff right nearly as much.

14 - how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

Yes and yes! I'm an empath, so reading emotional scenes tends to get me very much fucked up. I project a LOT during emotional scenes, but I also have to keep in mind what emotions are actually supposed to be felt during the scene.

Writing tip for you guys: if your character is angry/irritated/anything like that, shorten the sentences. Make the writing choppier. Cut out the fluff and the adjectives and everything like that, because people don't like doing extra work when they're angry.

16 - How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

TOO MANY TO COUNT. I have a couple babies waiting in the back to be published, but I can't put them out until I get some of the stuff I already have open done. One fic idea I am nurturing right now is something with Jay dying based on my experience with being revived (do not recommend btw).

23 - Best writing advice for other writers?

WRITE BAD THINGS AND SHARE THE BAD THINGS. JUST DO IT. IF YOUR BRAIN IS TELLING YOU IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH PUT IT OUT THERE ANYWAY.

You have to make a hundred bad things to make one thing great.

31 - Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

Plot! Everything that I write starts with a plot that I then adapt the characters to. I think a lot of people get stuck because they think up a hundred characters but those characters don't have a clear direction. By starting with a story and then creating characters, your characters are automatically in-tune with your plot and themes and you know where they need to go. That's how I made Beta, Dee and Talon!

48 - What do you look for in a beta?

OOOOO I'VE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THIS! I've never had a beta before so I'm not sure. Definitely someone who knows their stuff and their way around, but also someone whose flexible and good with anxiety. I also need someone who can put things in a way that doesn't trigger my RSD.

#finn...themself?#levi tag #the finnbox

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recurring-polynya · 1 year ago

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Writing/Art Update 5/30/2023

I feel like I worked really hard last week, and yet I don't actually have much to show for it. I guess a lot of it is little stuff that piled up. I mean, I very much do still have a bit pile of dumb little tasks to do, but it's smaller than it was last week. I feel like I've had to do a lot of driving and socializing lately, too, which not only take up time, but wipes me out both before and after.

If you like extra features, I did finish up my go places addenda post last week. I have a lot of ao3 comments to reply to, but aside from that, I guess I'm pretty much done with that one. It gave me a lot of grief while I was writing it, but in the end, I think I'm pretty happy with how it turned out, and I have some good feelings about the end stages of sitting with it.

Onward and upward!! Sorry if this is old hat to my regular followers, but just to get everyone up to date, the new project is Ductwork, the next part of Heart is a Muscle. The preview summary I slapped on the end of What We Do with Our Hearts reads "Renji tries to not make it a big deal when he gets his long-damaged kidou ducts fixed; Rukia is having none of it. Byakuya would like to be removed from this narrative and yet can't seem to manage it."

I started it about a year ago, immediately finishing Hearts, and knocked out about 7700 words of it at the time. I'm kinda gun-shy, because last summer I really really wanted to finish a little in love and I tried and failed (tried and died, basically), a thing that has not been made better by the fact that people have started sending sad little messages like "i hope you finish this someday..." That being said, I am trying to be more realistic about my capabilities, especially because I have a lot more Mom-duties in the summertime. My goal is to make 20,000 words of progress before I fizzle out this time. I mean, if I do finish it, that would be great! I'm not gonna stop dead if I hit 20k. I do hope to participate in the Bleach Returns event this July, but whether that consists of a small break or a big break, I don't know. We'll see.

So, I already have a significant chunk of the first act done, but I'm having trouble moving forward, because I don't have a great idea of how the second act is gonna go. For now, it's two acts, it's evolving, and I'm letting it. I'm trying to let myself exist in creative mode and have some fun with that. In that vein, I just went ahead and let myself write The Big Scene, the scene that is the entire reason I am writing this fanfic. I wrote 3500 words on it this week. It's not done yet, but I am having fun. I've also been having little bursts of inspiration for scenes that follow and other things I want to do, so overall, I am in a good place. It's nice. This is good.

The overall document length at the moment is 12,617, which means I've done about 5k words since I started working on it, which is a quarter of the way there! That's distinctly Not Bad!!

In other news, I've been increasingly dissatisfied with Google Docs, so I am experimenting with writing this one in Microsoft Word. I don't deal with change well, so for now, I hate it, but I'm figuring out ways to make it more the way I like, and at least it doesn't constantly reload back to the top of the page. I will keep you updated. It's not like I can't just cut and paste it back into the other program, which I would end up doing anyway, because GDocs works pretty well for beta-reading and the AO3 auto-html script is handy.

#writing update #art update

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jourquet · 1 year ago

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for the 'get to know your fic writer' prompt — 3, 17, 43, & 56 🫶🏼

GET TO KNOW YOUR FIC WRITER PROMPT

3. describe the creative process if writing a chapter/fanfic

usually, i base it on the franchise's genre. for example a halo fanfic, i would follow science-fiction rules about writing the fanfic. such as long chapters, complex or expanded lore, military, politics, and so on.

i'll use maybe half a year studying the plot, characters, and lore. and game it myself if possible. just take my time to reflecting on how i interpret everything.

first at the third stage, i begin to talk to other people in fandon, read others fanfics and headcanons etc. without the groundwork, a proper fanfic can't be written. my spn fanfic readers knows this better than anyone.

i tend to mix half plotting and half pantsing the story with the three main plot not changing. the characters have normally free reign, i do not chain them down as long they get from plot point A to B.

17. what do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

i take a break from writing entirely. indulge in some other fanfics either in same fandom or others. sometimes i play games on my ps5. or watch documentaries, read books (usually classics), manga, cartoons or draw.

i sometimes take fanfics breaks by roleplaying online instead. that way, my writing skills remain sharp.

other times, i go on hikes or travels IRL. or go to the cinema, to the mall to buy stuff or just eat at Baker Brun (mini baker place).

i don't force my writing, ever. that only makes my block worse. i like to write out of habit; that's why i'm dependable about it when i've the energy capacity for it.

43. do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

i do enjoy hurting my characters. i wouldn't have been known as 'the evil writer' without reason. though, for me, is more of a catharsis than actually sadistic enjoyment, because they reflect my own struggles most readers wouldn't pick up on unless i told them about it.

is for a reason my headcanons are rarely, if any, self-inserts. i like to stick to as close to canon as i possibly can. and if that means i've to write scenes the whole fandom will witch hunt me for, i'll. because i write my fanfics to be AS IF THEY WERE ACTUAL CANON from an outsider.

56. what’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

that my readers never in my full life of being a fanfic writer, have complained of my canon characters being ooc. that i've great unique concepts which i actually pull off and do my own research on (though, i still daydream of the day i get to have my own beta readers), and that i've no issue taking criticism about my writing and correct where necessary. only from trusted writer friends and readers, ONLY, however.

that my first two fanfics are completed with 50+ chapters. one of them with 13K reads on wattpad too. 🤍

the praise i've gotten from multiple native speakers over the years, that they could've never guessed i was not american or british because i write well enough to be considered as one of them. this means a lot to me, considering i'm mostly self-taught in english. used so many years reading books far above my age range not understanding anything, and barely passing my english grades. the constant judgement i got for not knowing how to write "i'm" or "you're". to now people sometimes asking me if i live in new york, texas, or london. 🥺 for most of my childhood most of the psychologists believed i had dyslexia too (i never did, i just learned to read by complete/recognize words instead of letter for letter, which was greek to me).

also that i combine my knowledge in classic books and the fact i understand many languages into my writing. it creates an unique writing no AI could ever dream about mimicking. is hard; but i always go the extra mile of deep research. my fanfics are meant to be read for anyone outside it too. and all the extra hours i spend just doing research so the characters feel like real human beings. it's worth it in the end.

and that through all my hardships, i found solace in my writing. i don't know who i would be without it. i found friends, i found community, i found people who genuinely care about me. all because i chose that one night on the plane trip from the US to norway, to learn english. i still have the book i read on that plane trip too ... that propelled to where i'm today in skills.

thank you, all my friends over the years. thank you, all my readers who has stuck by and never lost faith in me. thank you for everything. 🤍

#➤ lev answers

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yors-truly · 2 years ago

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Hello! This is your friendly inquiry to answer this ask with whatever you'd like to talk about right now! Whether that be a story you're working on, something you're excited or worried about, or just something random you happen to know.

All the love,

~ toribookworm ❤️

Ah, I guess I've been more on the lower side these past few days, so I'll spill the beans.

I've been slightly if not highly insecure about the progress of Beyond Time and Space recently. Things haven't really been stable since my family's been in the process of moving and, in the midst of that, losing Nygaard (my phone holding all of my important notes).

The things I want to use are all packed away in a storage miles from here, which includes my sketchbook, my stylus, and many more (which, as an artist who often gets art block, it's very frustrating when the inspiration hits and you can do literally nothing about it).

Then there's the insecurity surrounding my age. I'm a teenager. With my birthday coming on the 20th, that status won't change. Maybe it's just the mindset of "kids wishing they were grow ups" or whatever, but as of very recently, it's been getting to me. I've been motivated and inspired by other indie projects like mine, who have all of these incredible people behind them, helping make a vision into a visual. I would love to do that! I'm already doing that!

The thing is, though, is that I lack connections. I'm pretty much going solo in this. As someone as young as myself (who also has diagnosed SAD and possibly ADHD, little to no experience in such a collaborative environment, zero experience in running a project, and lacking the money and tools actually needed), I'm worried no one will be willing to work with me to bring my thoughts to an audience, let alone allow me to help bring theirs to one. I've been trying to start out small, posting what I enjoy and hoping to make friends along the way, as it would be a dream to work alongside friends more than anything, but it's been doing my mental health more harm than good, in the way that me having SAD cranks my anxiety with in-person interactions to 200% with online interactions. For the longest time, I forgot social media existed (still do sometimes, and I think that's also an anxiety response: repression or something like that? involuntarily forgetting the things that make you anxious), so my activity hasn't been the best anywhere anyway, to begin with.

I guess all of this sums up to me saying "I wish I could do things on my own" in a slightly desperate way. If I had the money - heck, if I had a way of transferring money, because people have been questioning about commissions too (at least they used to; idk where my audience is now, since I've been so inactive) - that would be so useful! I want to be able to receive funds for my own hard work, and give funds to others for theirs! It's all so frustrating X[

(on an unrelated note: now that I've moved, I'll probably end up having to celebrate my birthday with my family instead of the people I love most.)

So, yeah, that's pretty much it. Beyond Time and Space is nowhere near finished, and I guess, in a way, I'm kinda glad I don't have extra hands at the moment. I'd like to have the entire first season written before making any progress on visuals (besides... you know... the ones I already have). It's just gonna take a little longer than I wished, and with everything moving so quickly, it's kind of overwhelming me a little qwq A beta reader or two (besides my brother who kind of just lazily reads through it most times) would be nice, though, but I take forever to write scripts so maybe not XD

Thanks for the opportunity to rant on! I really needed to get this out, I think, and this ask couldn't have been timed any better :star-emoji:

#huesterrants #yeah im making that a tag now #i would tag it with a more genealized tag but idk...#(ah theres my anxiety again lol)#(you know what screw it)#indie struggles #indie writer #uh...#asks #?#i dont usually tag asks but i feel compelled to here for some reason #uh i guess these too #writeblr #writeblr community #writer struggles #huestersvoid #i feel like i shouldve added a keep reading label on this post bc it feels lengthy #but i am on mobile and you cant really do that on these parts so..

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gigglemugger · 1 month ago

Text

The Lovers Tangled On The Wires.

Fandom: Little Shop of Horrors (1986).

Pairing: Seymour Krellborn/Audrey Fulquard.

Synopsis:

Audrey should NOT be doing this, she knows---but the flower shop is not doing well, and a girl's gotta eat. All she needs to do is go through the motions. However, when a static-y stranger calls, she can't help but to find herself surprisingly drawn to him. AKA Seymour and Audrey engage in a phone sex operator sort of deal because they're too cowardly to make a move on one another <333

Word Count: 8,317.

AO3 Tags: Romance, Phone Sex Operator Audrey, In a way, I had no idea this was an ACTUAL trope but I SHOULD have known in retrospect, Alternate Universe - No Plant, Mutual Masturbation, though mostly referenced, Slow Build, Idiots in Love, Fluff and Angst, nothing here is SUPER explicit so sorry but if you wanna write a fanfic of the fanfic feel free, Not Beta Read, as usual <333

Language: English.

CW: NSFW. That's it. It's not super explicit though, they have one phone sex scene and everything else is implied, but the very essence of it is NSFW, ofc.

AO3 link.

Work Notes:

Ok, notes: I’m pretty sure this one will not be as beloved as my other fanfic, because truthfully that fanfic was in universe and this fanfic is just batshit insane. I started writing this after I finished my other fic so it was TWO YEARS in the vault. I finally decided what the hell, I already wrote 10 pages, what is 10 more? For ages I feel like Seymour and Audrey have actual sexual chemistry together, but they are so cute that it was often impossible for me to do a straight up smutty fic (and I’m also bad at writing those anyway, so). I decided to do a slightly longer relationship exploration through sexual desire sort of thing, all that. The fic that inspired this one is also more enthusiastic about the whole sex on the line thing, but I feel like Seymour and Audrey are period typically repressed, even if Audrey is in a very sexually sadistic relationship. Such as it goes, etc. There is very little NSFW content here, really, but the whole thing is NSFW at its core, so yeah. My characteristic huge notes done, I’m on tumblr @gigglemugger, etc. I don’t post much cause it’s a sideblog but I’m ALWAYS there.

Audrey should not be doing this. Nevertheless, her hand closed over the phone handle, only to release it, and close back around it again. She was biting her lip, likely staining her teeth with pink lipstick. It was a friday night, the wind howled outside, and though she had internal heating, her hands were shaking.

Still, at least her nightgown was pretty, and frilly. Wearing nice clothes and make up made working this particular job a lot more interesting. She could really doll herself up, and forget for a second she wasn’t going on some hot date. Or, well… At least not a traditional hot date. Also, she felt that, somehow, the men on the other side of the line just knew when she wasn't presentable—and she couldn't have that. Besides, it wasn't as if she had never done this before. In fact, anyone looking at her might assume this was her first time, but it was actually the fourth. Fourth . And no one else knew it besides her. Sometimes, she glanced at the portrait of her mother beside her bed and glanced at the ceiling while talking to a guy, giggling as if she was truly amused by what he said. Men liked giggling. Janet, her boss, said that was one of her strong suits.

Audrey thought this was a man's business before she started working for the line, but apparently not.

“So, you want an easy way to make extra cash?” She had asked her the first time they talked and Audrey was silent. “Hey, hon, you there?”

“Yes, sure.”

“Good. I like your voice, you might have a future in this yet.”

All things considered, it made her feel at ease knowing that she was under a woman's command. If anyone over stepped, she would call Janet and she would not allow them to speak to her again. So that was nice.

Besides, she needed the cash and Lord knew how much. Mushnik's wasn't doing well—again. They hadn't sold anything for what seemed to be the fourth week in a row. She had no idea where he was taking the money to pay her from—-and poor Seymour was getting more and more berated by the day… Audrey shook her head. She didn't like to think about Seymour before doing this. It was invariably going to go down the "what-would-he-think" , "what-would-he-say," route and if she thought about that too much, she might wallow in self-pity.

The lip biting began again. She usually only did self-pity after the fact and after the payment—and you have no idea what money for food can do to a girl's self-pity. It does wonders to at least know you didn't have to go without, even if it was because you helped a man with his business . Besides, everyone in Skid Row had something they did on the side. Audrey figured that at least it wasn't drugs, or murder. She wasn't involved with the mob (although a few gangsters had come onto her), and she wasn't prostituting herself (although she knew quite a few girls who did it and didn’t think anything of it, really).

All things considered, she was doing what she needed to do. Mushnik's and this.

Audrey heard the wind howl outside. Nine pm had turned into nine thirty. She picked up the phone and started hustling. The more men she satisfied per night, the more she earned.

Audrey knew a lot about men, having been 'around' too much when she was a kid, but on the telephone it was different. Usually, these weren't the same men who took her by the waist and set her in the back of cars and motorcycles, but real lonely ones. Some sounded old and some sounded young, but generally they were all down on some luck. Audrey recognized the mood by the voice. It was ingrained in her to be able to do so. Even as she said nasty thing after nasty thing, she sort of felt bad for them.

Still, as Audrey’s father always said: Some people cried and others sold handkerchiefs. So, Audrey sat on her chair, make-up done, pink nightgown on and her fuzzy slippers making her warm, going through the motions, until it was eleven thirty and the last customer came through. There was some static on the line, which grew exponentially as the seconds of the first minute dragged on, making Audrey remove the telephone from her ear.

"Hello?" She said, her voice lower than usual. She had a specific voice she used on the phone and, apart from the giggle, no one would be able to recognize it was her. That was one of the things she felt good about—that in a way, after it was done, she could simply pretend it was someone else that did it instead.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end said, loud enough for her to hear, but not enough for much else. It was nearly completely engulfed by static. The connection was bad—as if coming from the underground.

"Hello!" Audrey exclaimed, following her part. "You must be…"

"David…" The static responded back. Audrey smiled.

"David! I'm Anna," none of the names given were real, of course. Audrey picked a new one each time at first, before realizing it was getting confusing and decided to stick to Anna. Anna was close to Audrey, so she couldn't forget it.

"H… Hi, Anna," 'David' said, rather shakily, which was a recognizable tone, even through the static. It was his first time doing this. "This is my first time doing this,” she nodded, knowingly. “I have… I have no idea why I'm even calling. I… I might just hang up."

"No, stay," Audrey said, almost losing her deeper voice. She cleared her throat before continuing. "I know first times can be kind of scary, but there's nothing to be afraid of. I don't bite!" The man on the other side of the line laughed, even if in a brief nervous way.

"You don't? Are you… ure?" The static ate him, but she could understand the gaps

"No! I don't think Janet would even let me. She's very strict. "

"Janet is the woman I talked to before I… Before I picked a girl?"

"Yes! She's my boss. She's very sweet… Once you get to know her, at least." Audrey paused. "I'm not supposed to be discussing bosses with you, though," she looked down at the receiver. "I need to ask you: What is your deepest, darkest fantasy?"

That was protocol. Janet insisted all the girls asked it. It "drove men wild" according to her. Audrey wondered what kind of men Janet went with. She figured she didn’t really wanna know. Probably no one better than the ones she related to herself.

"I… I don't know… Gee, I'm so sorry. I'm just not used to doing things like this," He paused. "I've never even been with a girl before."

"You haven't?" She asked, "Not once?"

"Not really."

"Oh… Is that why you're calling?"

"I guess…"

"Oh… That's not that bad."

"It's not?" Audrey waved her head.

"No!"

"And you don't think women would think less of me for… You know?"

"Not all women! I wouldn't mind that."

"You wouldn't?" Audrey waved her head again, even if only to herself, smiling.

"Not at all!"

"Oh… Thank you, Anna."

"You're welcome." Audrey reclined on the chair for the first time that night. "So, what do you look like?" That was a first. Audrey was never the one to ask the questions, just to receive them.

He paused for a second and the static got loud again. She found she didn’t mind it as much.

"Well I'm thin and not very tall and I wear glasses…" He finally said and she was amused by the sincere description… Not very tall, thin, glasses… What were the odds that he'd be so perfect? After all, he looked exactly like…

She waved her head, before continuing.

"You sound lovely! I would love to be with you right now." Don’t think…

"What… What would we be doing?" Audrey nearly giggled, but controlled herself with a soothing laugh instead. She felt the giggling might make him feel more nervous, as if she was making fun of him, which she was not.

"Well… What do you usually do in your fantasies?"

"I… I watch."

"You watch?" Audrey asked.

"Yeah, I watch… I like the idea of watching a girl, you know…"

"Touching herself for you?" He snorted, likely with the bluntness, before pausing.

"Yeah…"

"What about listening to it?" Audrey asked, before breathing into the receiver.

"You're…?"

"Uhum. That's why you called the line, isn't it?"

"Yeah…" he answered. She smiled. He seemed flustered, although that could just simply be his default mode of operation. She didn't know. "What else do you think about?"

"Well…" he continued, tentatively. "There's this girl I know. I don't think about her all the time, and I… I make a point not to because I think it's not nice to… Gee, she's really beautiful! She's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I know I don't have a chance with her, so I just think about her sometimes . Usually I try to think about Jayne Mansfield and Marilyn Monroe… But she pops in."

"And what do you two do, you know, when she pops in?" Audrey asked, suddenly interested.

"Well… she's the one I watch, usually… Though I like to imagine her on top of me sometimes. And I like to think of myself going down on…” another pause, before.” I… I just want to make her happy."

"What does she look like?"

"I'm not sure I should say… What do you look like?" That was more like it. Audrey wondered what it'd be today.

"I have red, wavy hair, long fingernails and I'm wearing a négligée…"

"Long fingernails?"

"Uh-huh!" Audrey said, looking down at her own, painted nails. They were pretty long, she didn't lie in that regard.

"Can you… Drag those down my back? Just a little…"

"Oh, of course!"

"Thank you…" his breathing was a little more inconsistent, which Audrey took as a win. He liked to be scratched then, that was sweet. She tried to keep the thoughts of him getting scratched by her at bay.

Stop it, Audrey!

"Do you wanna make me happy?" She asked.

" Yes, " His answer was more eager than she expected.

"You are lovely," she heard herself say and a small moan came out of his mouth. "You like that? You like when I say you're lovely?"

"Y… yes." Audrey liked that. She also liked the idea of this man touching himself for her. She didn't get aroused by default when she was doing this job—-in fact, it never happened. She did the work, then hopped onto the next train. She knew some of the other girls had their fun from what Janet told her, though—and this time she was beginning to feel it.

"Do you wanna go down on me?" Audrey—or Anna—asked, voice extra low and extra soothing, with a little breathiness on the side. She really wanted him to do it. "Please…" 'David' Laughed.

"You don't have to say please," that was new. She always had to beg for men to go down on her, at least the men she was with regularly "I'd love to do it," He continued and Audrey made a little noise of her own—partially for effect and partially because she meant it.

"Gee, you sound so beautiful…” he said, trailing off, and she blushed. Her moans were never really something she could fake with the voice, so she always thought they came out a little squeakier than she wished them to.

"Thank you… Y.. you too," it was her time to stutter apparently. Odd. "You're so good at this…" she decided to say and he breathed heavily.

"Really?"

"Y… Yeah." He moaned again. She was beginning to think he sounded beautiful too. Static-y and strangled, but beautiful. And of course, he looked so much like Seymour in her head. She couldn't help but picture him in this situation, before waving her head firmly. As if Seymour would ever call a sex line.

"Anna I… I'm…"

"Come for me, please?" She asked and was sure that was enough to make him come undone, by the sound of it in the background. He had a thing for praise and a thing for being smooth talked. She took a mental note of that.

"That was…" Audrey smiled.

"Yes, it really was." She hadn't done anything, but she could feel it still. She crossed her legs in response, but noticed, with some interest, that her hands were no longer shaky.

"I… I'm sorry…" She looked at the receiver.

"For what?"

"This. I… I shouldn't have called. Gosh this was a mistake…"

"Why? Didn't you have fun?"

"I did… I… I'm sorry," and then he hung up. Audrey listened to the dial tone for what seemed like a long time, before Janet's voice came through.

"Kid, your night's done. Go to bed," she said and Audrey lightly nodded.

"Yes, sure," She answered in her own voice, before hanging up.

---- When Audrey woke up the next morning, she looked at the ceiling. It was ridiculous to be hung up on something from the side job , but she couldn't help it. Had she done something wrong? Had she said something wrong?

"Good morning Audrey, you're on time today," Mr. Mushnik said when he heard the bell. She gave him her best smile.

"Good morning Mr. Mushnik!" And with that, she took to the back to put her purse down on the table. Seymour was there, fixing up some pots.and Audrey's heart did what it usually did when she saw him—-what she could only describe as someone falling from a balcony really fast. She smiled widely. "Good morning, Seymour!"

"Oh. Good morning Audrey…"

Odd. She observed Seymour, back towards her, face buried in a plant. It was similar to when she came to work for them for the first time. It was a while before he came out of his shell, and she was proud of having helped, so this was a step back—and especially on that morning, she found it disappointing. Seymour always cheered her up with a new strange plant, or some concoction he created out of chemicals to make them look greener than ever. He even taught her a lot of the technical terms and she was getting really great at being able to keep up with him, the same as when she showed him her own arrangements. So what gives?

Maybe he’s afraid of you again… Or maybe he knows what you did last night…

Audrey waved her head.

"Is anything the matter, Seymour?"

"Oh, no it's nothing."

Mr. Mushnik made a noise that could only be translated as distaste, a common noise coming from him towards Seymour.

"He's been moping around all morning, saying it's nothing!" Mushnik said, peeking at them from behind the counter. He turned back to his newspaper. "You're not gonna get anything out of him."

"Oh…" She said, looking at Seymour still. She lowered her voice. "Are you sure you don't want to talk?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Thank you, Audrey," he said, with a semblance of a smile, going back to work.

It would be a slow day, then. Usually, they’d just talk, like she wanted to, or listen to radio shows and discuss… Wait, maybe that would cheer Seymour up! She took to the counter and turned on the radio. The static was almost overwhelming at first, which reminded her of the phone call from the previous night… She messed with the dials and tried to forget it. Seymour, however, looked at her hand.

“What is it, Seymour?” She asked, puzzled, still fighting the damned radio.

"You changed your nail polish," Audrey looked down. It was true, right after going home last night, she had painted her nails a shade of dark purple. "They look pretty." She smiled, nearly blushing. The man from yesterday liked to be scratched and unfortunately that also reminded her of him.

"Thank you, Seymour."

"Well, that radio is a disgrace!" Mushnik said, nearly yelling, startling both of them. Seymour looked down at his plants once more; "I ought to throw it in the middle of the street!"

"Oh no Mr. Mushnik!" Audrey said, "We need the radio! Here…" She found a station, which was playing a regular morning news show. "There. Perfect!" She turned around to get some support from Seymour, but instead watched him water the pots and fix up the greenery.

"Are you OK, Audrey?" Mr. Mushnik asked and she turned to face him, at a loss. "I can't have two mopey employees. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm quite alright, Mr. Mushnik, just tired," she had spent a good portion of her previous night looking at the ceiling, much like this morning, asking herself why she cared so much about this whole thing, but other than that, it was a normal day at work. Well… A normal day at work during her first month that was. Not at present.

Still, she’d make it work.

"That makes sense, you're not used to being here on time after all." She giggled at that, not having expected it, before focusing on the radio. Seymour’s head was raised so fast, Audrey thought she heard something crack.

"I'm going out," Seymour announced. Mushnik turned around.

"Out?!"

"Oh, you're going to that plant store?" She asked and Seymour quickly nodded his head.

"He doesn't have any new plants in August, usually the shipment comes in September, but I like to go there in case I find something new…"

"Or unusual."

"Yes," Seymour smiled, still avoiding eye contact. "Or unusual."

"You can't just walk out!" Mushnik said "We have business here!"

"Oh don't worry, Mr. Mushnik," Audrey began, raising her hand to call to his attention. "I'll take care of the clients when they come."

"Thank you, Audrey," Seymour said, looking at her straight for the first time that day, making Audrey's heart leap again. He opened the door and hopped out.

"That kid…" Mushnik looked at the ceiling. "Oh, how I regret it sometimes," he continued, but Audrey was sure that was just a way of speaking. He didn't actually regret adopting Seymour. Right?

Instead of thinking about that, she turned around and played with the dials again, trying to make the static disappear.

Audrey never did this two nights in a row, but there was a first for everything as her mother used to say, and this was hers. She took the receiver off the phone, fast this time, and called Janet to tell her she was up.

"Well, that's a first, and you're on time too." Audrey smiled. Another first, of course. She went through a few men. They weren't boring or bad or anything like that, but they weren't like David had been. She giggled and moaned and breathed onto the receiver and every time the dial played in her ear, she wanted to hang up for good. Instead of doing that, she kept hope alive that he'd be the next one to call.

And what do you know? God had listened to her prayers after all… If God even listened to girls who have sex on the phone for their secondary income.

"Hello?" The static filled the pause that ensued. She gulped, hopefully not loud.

"Hello?" Audrey asked. She suddenly felt anxious "It's David… Right?" If she were wrong, this could cost her the customer.

"Yeah…” She breathed easier. “I'm sorry for yesterday, for everything…"

"There's nothing to be sorry about!" Audrey said, coughing a little because of the voice and a little because of the enthusiasm.

"Are you alright?" He asked and she nodded, but continued to cough before being able to speak again.

"I'm fine,” Audrey said, sounding anything but. “Are you?"

"I'm OK." That sounded like a lie. Audrey sighed.

"My co-worker wasn't feeling well today, either." She had no idea why she said that. This is a sex line, Audrey! But before she could make amends, David sounded worried.

"Oh, I hope he or she is alright!"

"Me too!" Audrey continued. "He’s a he, by the way. I like him very much…" and once again she beat herself up for that. Women on the line are never supposed to hint that they even knew other men, let alone that they liked them. Janet used to say that the male ego is too fragile for such a thing, and that it was best if the girls pretended that they were born yesterday.

"You do?" David asked "Gee, he must be a lucky guy then…" Audrey laughed, but worried that her voice slipped away, she covered it with a cough.

"I'm not sure about that. I'm a girl who talks on the phone… And he's a hard-working man! And he's the sweetest…"

"I don't think there's anything wrong with what you do!" David began, speaking rapidly. "It must be just as tough to go around and… Do this for other men all night. I don’t think I could do it… In your place.”

“Oh, but it’s not hard…” Audrey said, being honest. “I mean, some guys are rough, but I’m used to it. Besides, a lot of them are quick,” she had a smile on her face. She loved the quick ones, even if they didn’t stay on the line for so long and that sort of contributed to her payment. They were still out of there fast enough.

There was a pause.

“David, are you there?”

“Yeah, I was just wondering… It’s stupid, but was I… You know… Too fast?”

“Oh, no, you were perfect!” She said, honestly. “Not too fast, not too slow. A perfect customer.”

“Thanks, Anna. That makes me happy. I’m… Happy to please you.” He said that yesterday as well. It made her tingle. “I’m still not sure about all this—ough. I mean, I… I think I’d prefer it if I knew you. Wait… What do you mean you’re used… Being rough?” The static picked up, but she understood.

He paid attention to that, huh?

“Well, I haven’t had the best track record with men,” she found herself saying. “My last boyfriend left me penniless on the street, and I was lucky to get a good job.” She wasn’t dumb enough to say what job or where. She had her fair share of creeps turning up at bars where she worked and knew better than to trust guys on the line, even sweet, glasses-wearing, short guys…

“If you have a good job, then why do you do—is?”

“Oh, well, all good jobs have issues!” She said, trying to sound optimistic. “Still, compared to before…” He probably doesn’t care about this! He called for a good time and you’re doing the opposite of what is expected of you. “Well, anyway… You are being charged by the minute, honey. Maybe it’s time we get to business.”

“Oh, are you sure?” She giggled.

“Yes, silly, of course. I don’t want you to spend all your life savings on a sex line !” For some reason, she felt like lowering her voice on the last words, as if she hadn’t said incredibly sinful things for the last hour just to get here.

“Oh, okay, though I liked talking to you. You are nice, Anna. You remind me a little of that girl I mentioned I like. I felt so bad for having done this, I think I was kind of rude to her… I regret it so much.”

“Well…” Audrey began, her finger curling around the phone wire, “Maybe you should apologize to her! I’m sure she’d understand.” David laughed, but it was flat.

“I’m sure she’d think of me as a creep for doing this… I do, at least.”

“Well… I enjoyed it,” she said, not even believing it was true. “I mean, I have to say this to most guys, but it's true. You are the only one who asked me about anything. Usually, men just call, let me know what they want me to say and…”

“That sounds bad—you wanna do?” Audrey blinked. Maybe she heard it wrong.

“I'm sorry, did you ask me what I wanna do?”

“Yeah, sorry, the connection is bad…”

“You want me to… Boss you around?” She needed to be sure. Some men had wanted that too, and no one would get just by looking at her that she was good at it—she sort of enjoyed being on top once in a while, probably because she was down so much, and it gave her a sense of freedom she often didn’t find anywhere else—but David was so inexperienced… Maybe he didn’t mean it…

“Yeah, please, boss me around Anna—at to do to please you. I—Need it.” Ok, maybe he did mean it. Audrey tapped her nails loudly on the receiver. “Are those…?”

“Uhum,” she said, with a smile. “Now, I’ll make you feel good, but fast, before my time is up and you have to pay too much.”

“Ok!”

“David…”

“Yeah?”

“Promise me you’re not gonna feel bad about this. I… Understand, but if it makes you feel better, I spent the whole night waiting for you to call.”

The static became loud.

“Ok. Thank you, Anna.” Audrey smiled and tried to ignore how eager she was to make him do whatever she wanted him to do.

“Audrey?” Seymour asked her the next day. “Are you alright? You seem to be looking into space again.” It was true. She hadn’t slept much again and kept replaying the conversation she had with David over and over in her head. Of course she did more than just that, but that was between her and whatever providence was out there.

She smiled at Seymour.

“I’m fine!”

“Good, cause I wanted to talk to you.”

“What about?” Seymour seemed uncomfortable, going from one foot to the other. She observed the movement and stopped fussing with the lilies in front of her.

“It’s just that I was a little rude to you yesterday, and I didn’t mean to be.” Audrey thought back. She didn’t think that he was rude, she was more worried that something had happened and he wasn’t sharing.

“Oh, Seymour, don’t worry. I’m glad you’re okay again. I was sort of afraid you just went back to looking at your plants more than talking to me,” she shared, but quickly added, “not that I mind when you tend to your plants, you are a wonderful employee, I was just nervous, that’s all.”

“Oh, I had no idea I made you feel that way!” Seymour said, looking up at her with wet blue eyes. “I promise that won’t happen again, I was just feeling off…”

“Did you have nightmares again?” Audrey asked.

One time, when they were alone late at night and Mr. Mushnik had left for dinner with his elderly mother, whom both neither Seymour nor Audrey had any idea how was still alive—but were too polite to mention it—he had told her, in confidence, while staring at a particularly abundant and fertile spider plant, that he had some nightmares from when he was at the orphanage.

“We had a woman there, Mrs. Jones, and she took care of us, but the rest were either nuns or volunteers, and they weren’t always nice. I was there until I was fifteen, you know?” Audrey shook her head. “I lived on the street before… Anyway, sorry for bothering you with all that, Audrey.”

“No,” present Seymour answered. “Though I still stay up all night, I guess.” Audrey looked down.

“Maybe you should find someone, Seymour. A nice girl…” Audrey knew she had no hope of being with him, but she wanted him to be happy nonetheless. “That might make nights less lonely.” She still couldn’t look at him when she said it, probably because she meant it.

“Well, I don’t know, I’m not really the kind of guy most women go for… Anyway, I got my plants.” They had gone down similar avenues before, and he always turned the idea of dating down. It made her selfishly happy, but she berated herself for it. She wished someone as sweet as Seymour didn’t think negatively of himself.

I mean, sweet people shouldn’t do that. That was reserved for people like her, who did really vile things.

The day carried on in the way it usually did. When there wasn't much movement, Seymour and Audrey played cards, talked about new music and film, discussed favorite actors and plants, and sometimes silently hung out. She was happy things were back to normal that day, but Seymour hadn't told her what had been weighing on his mind so much.

At least at night she had David. Once they were done, he promised they'd talk again. He wasn't Seymour, of course, but he was a good replacement, just like she knew she was a replacement for him, for that girl he liked so much. She wondered what she looked like for a second, but caught herself staring into space.

It's not use asking yourself that… Let it go…

She looked forward to his call that night. At least they could be lonely together. ----

Talking to David became routine. They didn't really always have phone sex, but they talked almost all the time. In fact, they had a lot in common: They both liked different people, which was OK with them—neither of them thought they had a chance anyway—they both enjoyed radio shows, plants and magazines. In fact, it was all so perfect that Audrey could swear she had dreamt it, before his static-y voice spoke on the other end, soothing her.

They had specific fantasies they liked to try, too. Audrey found out that David really liked to please her, but she liked when he praised her too. In fact, she had no idea of half the things she was into before she started working with him. All the guys she was with sort of took the reins and she went with them on everything. It was refreshing to have someone who seemed to want to listen to her as well.

She realized that sounded sad.

“No, I mean…” David said one night, to soothe her. “At least we found each other. That's nice, right?” She smiled, not letting tears fall.

“Yes, it sure is.”

After the first few weeks, she gave him one of her house numbers—her bedroom’s. She didn't wanna give him a number someone else might have, out of sheer paranoia. Still, being careful never hurt anyone before.

“I don't want to charge you anymore,” she told him, when he asked. “It doesn't seem fair. It doesn't seem… Like a service anymore. I… I don't think I want to do this with anyone else.” The static spoke loudly for a second again. She felt nervous waiting for his reply.

“I’m glad, because I don’t think I can do this with anyone—either.”

Audrey realized that she was looking into space much more at work, slacking. Mr. Musknik noticed it one day when she made an arrangement of daffodils instead of tulips for an old time client. She fixed herself right away, and promised to be better, but she couldn’t help herself. She had something to look forward to when she came home that night, and to be fair she had never felt so satisfied before.

She had also noticed a subtle change in Seymour, strangely. He didn’t seem as scared, or even to drop as many things as before. It was like he was happy. He got up to work with a smile, he sweeped and sometimes used the broom as a dance partner. He even sang on occasion, which was pretty shocking to Audrey, because for one she had no idea he could sing well, and for another she had never seen him like this before… Well, maybe when he finds a new plant, or that day in which she asked him to explain the difference between two particularly odd specimens he had brought in. Thinking back on it, he seemed happy when she decided to stay back one night to have dinner with him too, and they listened to some records that Mushnik kept in a very old victrola, which they had to make work.

“What’s gotten into you, eh?” Mr. Mushnik asked, coming in with a newspaper and hearing Seymour hum. “Since when you do…’ He pointed with his finger up and down, “All that?”

“Gee, I don’t know, I think I’m just glad to be here…” Mr. Mushnik looked at Audrey, who looked at him. She could feel him telepathically transmitting happy to be here? At her, full force, but all she did was shrug and smile. She was happy that Seymour felt good. Besides, and it wasn’t crazy, but maybe he had finally found someone. Maybe when he went out for his plant walk, or after she and Mr. Mushnik went home, he went to parks, or to bars (Audrey couldn’t envision it, but she also couldn’t envision herself doing anything she was doing mere months ago, so who knew, really?) and met a nice girl, like she told him to do…

Her stomach sunk in. It wasn’t fair to talk to a man on the phone, even if she never intended to meet him, and think about Seymour. She was happy with someone else too, and even if it wasn’t him, it’d have to suffice. Besides, David also expressed that the girl he liked might have gotten into a relationship lately, because she had been a little more spacey, and distracted.

“Talking to you makes me real happy,” he told her one time, while she patiently listened. “But I’m selfish. What if she’s with someone? I try not to think about it too much, but it makes me feel like a wimp. I never asked her out and now someone else did. Maybe he deserves her more…”

“I understand what you mean,” she said. “My person also did. He… Well. I’m glad he’s happy.”

“Me too! I—er to be happy!” He paused here. She barely noticed the static anymore. It was comforting. “Well… I need to let her go. Besides… People at work started to notice a change in me. I’m… I’m glad you answered my call and not someone else. I don’t know where I’d be right now if you hadn’t.”

“Me too!” She smiled. “You’re the nicest guy… Well… You know…” she trailed off, looking down at the phone wire, twisting it. “Anyway… What do you wanna do tonight?”

So their nights went on like that.

The days at the flower shop went down merrily, too. Mr. Mushnik, instead of being worried as he was at first, started to feel seriously annoyed.

“What’s so good about working here?” He’d ask Seymour. “Audrey, stop messing with the radio! Oh, you kids are gonna be the death of me. Maybe my mother was right, maybe I should have been an accountant. Why did I want to open a flower shop?”

“I thought you inherited this place,” Seymour said, from the back, coming out. Mr. Mushnik scoffed.

“As if my family would ever invest in something so stupid… No, I did it for the reason all men do stupid things: A girl.”

Audrey looked up.

“A girl, Mr. Mushnik?” She asked, softly. Seymour stopped by her side, supporting both of his hands on the broom. They briefly exchanged glances.

Mr. Mushnik nodded. They waited for the story, silently. When it seemed like it wasn’t gonna come, Seymour and Audrey almost turned to go back to work, but:

“Well,” Mr. Mushnik began, and they turned their heads. “She was a girl I liked and she always wanted to be a florist. I never paid much mind to it, this flower stuff and such, but she convinced me it was good business because a cousin of hers got rich doing it or something. Her house used to be full of flowers and plants when I went there, every time I visited. When it came down to it, I ended up working for a man who owned a small flower business to impress her. I always had fresh flowers to give her and the sort. I was a young man then, you know how kids are. Anyway things went from there,” he said, gesturing up. “I should have been an accountant,” he punctuated that statement by opening the register, as if to say that was that.

“What happened to the girl?” Audrey asked, ignoring the request for finality.

“Well, I guess her family couldn’t accept I wasn’t at her social level and instead of doing something about it, I ran. I never stopped trading in flowers, though… Turns out plants were all I learned to trade in, and poorly. Thirty years. I wonder…”

“Do you wonder often?” Seymour asked, mirroring what Audrey was thinking. Mushnik was brisk.

“None of your business! Go back to work,” he said, taking that cue to get his coat. “I’m going to dinner with my mother. Seymour, clean that mess! Audrey, for Christ’s sake, don’t make any more arrangement mistakes, please? I won’t be back today, etc.”

“Goodbye, Mr. Mushnik!” Audrey said, waving. He waved back, half-heartedly, and left the shop, closing the door with enough force to shake the wall.

Audrey looked at Seymour, and they both decided to silently go back to work. When it was time to close, she said goodbye to him, closed the door, crossed the street and took refuge in her small apartment. The room looked the same as it had looked when she left it, she knew, but feelings don’t often translate to reality.

Is that what she was doing with David? Running away from Seymour? They had both been ok with the idea of having a relationship that was in theory purely sexual—though it was anything but—and with no pressure to meet. Both were scared of one not liking the other, so it seemed fitting that they’d live in their own wired, telephone world.

Still, Mr. Mushnik’s story resonated with her beyond what she could convey. When she arrived in her bedroom, her hands were shaking over the receiver.

“David?” She answered when he called, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Hi, Anna,” he answered, sounding equally down. Maybe he had the same realization somehow. That didn’t matter. Both of them knew that had to stop. It wasn’t making things better, it was just artificially fixing their problems.

So they broke up, so to speak.

The next few days at the shop were different. She was a little more alert, but lethargic at the same time. After something like this happened, Audrey was glad to be left by whoever she was with, because at the end of the day it always seemed like a better deal than to be with them, and looking at Seymour, she didn’t regret it. The problem had been admitting she had been picturing him all along in her head.

“Me too,” David had said, when she told him. ”I don’t think it was ever about you at all…” It should have made her upset to hear that, but it only made her glad they were on the same page... “Even if you have long red hair. She’s a blonde.”

“Oh…” She didn’t know that. Well, it didn’t matter. She had said goodbye.

Truth be told, it was good to give her voice a rest. It was hoarse from all the deepening. She knew she probably faltered here and there, because David remarked she sounded cute sometimes, like she had a different voice. A very different voice. Audrey just brushed it off, but thinking about it now, she realized she probably couldn’t have kept it up much longer.

“Audrey!” Mr. Mushnik called. “Can you fetch Seymour for me? I need to talk to him… In private.” He had been looking at a piece of paper, but Audrey couldn’t see.

“Sure,” she said, going outside where Seymour was sweeping the sidewalk. She stayed there, for the duration of the conversation, looking at the cars going by, and the girls who were always sitting at the stairs, talking. When they let her come back, Seymour was paler than she had ever seen him.

“Seymour, are you alright?” She asked, nearly touching his cheek to make him look at her, but refraining. She couldn’t touch him, not after…

“He’s fine,” Mr. Mushnik said, stern. “He’s going to be, at least, when he pays me. I should have cut that line long ago…”

“Don’t…!” Seymour said, desperate tone sunk in dread, making Audrey look sharply at him.

“What line?” She asked, but taking a quick glance at the both of them, Mushnik raised his hands instead of answering.

“Not something I’d be too keen to discuss with the ladies, if I’m being frank. Go back to work, it’s better that way.” Seymour turned around to take some plants back and check the ones at the window. Audrey observed him, but resigned herself to the deck of playing cards they had behind the counter. What could it… Well. She wasn’t in a prying mood.

As the days went by, both Seymour and Audrey fell back into themselves. She wasn’t ever on time and he wasn’t ever balanced or confident. No more humming came out of his lips. Mushnik said it was like the Universe went back into its axis, like God had settled something for them. Still, it even seemed to Audrey that he was at least a little upset with the change. The days became monotonous, dragged, like they had once upon a time. ----

For the first time in what seemed to be forever, as her shift came to an end one day, Audrey thought about getting a drink before going home. She did that sometimes, but as she aged she settled into a more proper routine, and after the flower shop, she didn’t wanna go back anywhere where she might be recognized. She wasn't often alone anywhere she went, either, as it could be dangerous or at the very least annoying, with guys coming onto her…

She looked at Seymour. Didn’t she end things with David because she didn’t want to run anymore? It might not be ladylike to come onto guys, and she definitely never had to do that, but don’t friends go out sometimes, together? Maybe this could be a way to repay him for everything she felt she had and had not done.

“Seymour?” She asked, her voice tiny. She looked only at the radio.

“Yes, Audrey?”

“Do you… Wanna go out for a drink with me?” She heard the sound of something breaking. It was a beat before he was in front of her.

“You wanna go out for a drink with me?” He asked, staring at her, unblinking. She smiled at him. He always was endearing to her, with the enthusiasm and eagerness… She nodded her head.

“Sure! It's what friends do sometimes, right? I'm not sure there are any good bars we can afford, though…” Seymour might die if I take him to any of the places I used to work in.

“I know Mr. Mushnik keeps some liquor under the desk…” He supplied, helpfully. “I stole some one time.”

“You have?” Audrey asked, shocked. He nodded, rubbing his neck.

“Yeah. I'm not sure I'd be a good drinking partner, though. I'm bad at holding my liquor. I still have some downstairs in my bedroom, though, if you really want it.” Audrey looked at the door down.

Even in the almost two years working there, she had never been to Seymour’s room. She didn't really wanna pry, but she was curious about what he kept down there. The liquor was almost forgotten when she nodded.

“Alright, I'll go get it…”

“I'll go with you,” she said, touching his arm lightly. He looked down at her nails. They were bright pink. She wondered if she was hurting him with it and thought back to the first few times she talked to David, withdrawing her hand.

“O… OK, if you say so.” She smiled. He led the way and she was careful not to fall on the creaky steps with her black heels. Looking down, she could see holes and all sorts of places to hook your foot by accident. Is that why Seymour fell so much?

“It’s not impressive,” he began saying, his hands in his pockets, when they reached the bottom, “but it’s nice to have a place.”

Seymour’s room was big, but definitely derelict. She looked at the various plants on the crooked shelves, the rotten flooring and the bed. It was humble, but it was so very cozy… Or almost. Even his drawings were all over. He had a little desk, a lamp, and…

“Here,” he said, going up to his desk. “Mr. Mushnik never thought it was me, I never stopped wondering why. He blames me for everything else…” He opened the drawer and picked up a small bottle, half empty, to hand it to her.

Audrey, however, only took it on instinct. Her eyes never moved from a small, yellow, chipped and old telephone he had in the corner.

“I didn't know you had a phone down here,” she said, voice small. Seymour looked at it, going pale.

“Oh… Ye… Yeah. Mr. Mushnik installed it a long time ago. He wanted to do on demand delivery… All night…” Audrey didn’t answer, so he continued. “He installed the phone down here so I could pick it up faster, but it never worked properly. It's all static.” Audrey felt her grip on the bottle falter and almost dropped what she was holding. In a twist of circumstances, however, Seymour caught it in time, putting his hands over hers. “Audrey, are you OK?”

All she could do at first was nod.

“Was the discussion that you two had the other day about the telephone?” She asked. Seymour withdrew, looking away. “He said something about a line, and something about it not being appropriate to discuss in front of a lady,” not that I am one. Audrey looked down at the half full bottle in her hand. She could always hold her liquor.

“You remember that?” Seymour asked. “Well… It was about…” He trailed off. “I did something I’m not so proud of…”

“Me too,” Audrey admitted. “Well, for a long time…”

“It can't be worse than what I did!” Seymour said. Audrey looked at him, so forlorn, barely being able to hold her gaze, and put her hand on his face, nails grazing his skin ever so slightly. “Au… Audrey?”

“Seymour,” she said, and for the first time utilized her phone voice in front of him. His eyes, usually covered by his eye glasses, became huge, staring at her.

“You…?” It was her time to withdraw, still holding the bottle. She put it on the desk.

“I told you I did it because work wasn't ideal…” She said, a small humorless smile on her lips. “I had no idea it was you. I mean… I hoped it was, at first, but that sounded ridiculous.”

“You did…? Was I..?” She nodded, turning around to look at him.

“I never thought that you and I… Could be together. That you'd want to be with me.”

“I did! I do...” He said, but neither shared even a look. “Gee, this is strange. It's like we know everything about each other, but…” She laughed a little.

“Oh, Seymour, it's such a mess… I never wanted… We never even went on a proper date. We never even…” She raised her head at the same time he did. “...Kissed.”

They looked at each other. Audrey thought about all the things they told they wanted to do to one another, things she wouldn't be brave to repeat now, where everything seemed so real. She walked to him and slowly raised her hand to lay it on his face, nails grazing his skin slightly. Her other hand could feel the hairs on his arm fly up when she pushed his sleeve up to feel him.

“Audrey…” He said, in a strangled voice.

“It's nice to hear your voice without the static.”

“It's nice to hear your actual voice talking to me.” She approached him further, hand going to his hair now.

“Would you like me to… Say some other things?” She asked. It still seemed so real, but seeing his live reactions made her wanna see them more. “We could start slow. I know you never…”

But instead of a more tame show of emotion, he took her by surprise, gripped her waist and kissed her. It wasn't the most experienced, but Audrey felt her entire body sing while in his arms, like there were midnight birds outside the windows and the universe rooted and existed only for them. When they were done, she realized what a mess she had made of his hair, how crooked his glasses were, how out of breath.

She caressed his face again.

“I should take you out…” he said. Then more enthusiastically, “We'll go wherever you want…! Well, wherever I can afford…” She smiled, flipping his shirt's collar up and down.

“I think there's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be than here.” Seymour smiled. The universe had been returned to its axis.

“Do you wanna bring the radio down so we can listen to it?” Audrey nodded, and watched him leave. The absence was felt, but with an overwhelming relief, she knew she'd never have to hang him up again—and that was enough for her.

#audrey little shop of horrors #little shop of horrors fanfic #seymour krellborn/audrey fulquard #seymour x audrey #seymour/audrey #lsoh #seymour little shop of horrors #lsoh fanfic #fanfiction writer #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3

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psychologeek · 2 years ago

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part 2 - masterpost:

@troiastar

#Jason: how did you know it was mine?#Bruce: why wouldn't I know#Bruce: I've read your fanfiction#Bruce: I'm your father

@guesst

#ok but also gothamite ao3 wroters would be so funny. 'hey guys sorry bout the late update got caught up in a hostage situation yk#how it is'#and non gothamites are all like NO???? R U OK and gothamites are all like haha nws thanks for updating anyway#sjdjs imagine if someone clocks the second robin is this ao3 writer just because of that a/n. djdh#dc

@oatmealcrisp-freak

#abruptly finding myself relating to jason from DC#when the reviews ask if i've died and every day is spent ill and in pain and in worry for what havoc the medications i take to function are#wreaking on my internal organs nevermind the state of my hair 'oh don't tempt the world dear the next person who tries to kidnap me might#be successful'#jason your luck will improve if you stop leaving your house i know thats gonna be hard for you but just commission a jason-bot or a clone#or something and superhero long distance i know your dad would approve. he's DC's tech guy after all#there'll still be an ass-outlet we have only fans now

@adjit

#he’s part of the JAFF community I believe it in my heart#dc

@willtheartist

#this week ive been dealing with a flood and i finally understood Those Ao3 Writers#smth smth about escapism and the more stressed and/or busy u are the more u wanna go write your silly lil words or draw your silly lil guys

@jasontoddswhitehairfluff

#he was so devoted as a kid that he unconsciously kept writing during his zombie days#I doubt that the league had internet#but that’s not important#he posts under a completely different account#cause if you can’t remember your password while alive you sure as hell can’t when you’re half dead#most of the works are bland with repetitive phrases from his previous ones#he gets a notification from the account after going to Gotham#has the same reaction as adults looking back at their teenage cringe works#he actually wrote those??#zombification is no excuse for misunderstanding character motivation!!#bruce still finds out from getting the notification from the other account#jason had to update something of substance to make up for that mess#crack#jason todd

@brandycranby

#jason todd#gets back to Gotham with three things in mind: destroy the underworld kill batman and finish his 30+ ch fic#batfam

And the he'd check out the account and see a brand new, shiny, Pride & Prejudice & Zombies self-insert crackfic 😂

@chilli-onmy-wieny

#he updates the 400k pride and prejudice zombie au that inspired the movie and is hailed as the bible of the jane austen fandom#you feel me ?#jason todd#jason todd headcanon

@littledead-ridinghood long post:

@stuffsforl8r

#jason is one of those writers who just churns fics out quickly and yet they’re always amazing polished masterpieces#jason is just the most productive person#jason todd

@liavidge

Stephanie quotes one of his fics on patrol and the world ends Superboy Beta style.

@mightyneteyam

#stephanie subscribes to jason's acc#at first she has no idea who's behind it she just likes the author's sense of humor#but the additional notes made her.. squint and connects#Two and Two so she has her suspicions#jason on the other hand has one fav reader who leaves long-ass comments#and absolutely has 0 idea that's steph's acc#this is how stephanie became jason's beta reader#jason todd#stephanie brown

@swugflower

“Hey guys! So sorry for the long pause, got murdered by the joker lmao. Anyway as a sorry have an extra long chapter!”

#I once read a fic written by two authors and one of them actually died#and the other one finished the story#and like that’s horrible but I was so shocked I just had to laugh#like it was in an authors note or Smth#yea she died in a car accident#BRUH

@stvlti

#not sure about Bruce hanging out on ao3 *cringe*#that would be the worst nightmare for everyone involved#but Jason totally writes historical aus#dc txt

@the-lunar-warrior

#jdbsodhdjs JDHSODB#first thing he does after climbing out of the lazarus pit is not go into murderous rage its go update his sonic fanfic

@idek-dood

#help im obsessed with this idea#a/n: sorry guys i had to foght some dinosaurs this weekend so the update is two days late#a/n: my idiot brother was almost killed last night but i was determined to get this chapter out on time! hope theres not too many errors <3#funny#batfam#jason todd#red hood#queued up

@child-of-the-sea-and-sky

#djskalfhlsdkjfh#Now I need a Red Hood short film where it shows someone reading his A/N's and then cutting to the eventsReblogView post

@interplanetary-redacted

#prev youre so right he DID stalk jason's internet use as a kid and got updated via ao3 update emails to discover he's alive#alrernatively he's currently in the LoA updating like ''so i like. died. got adopted by my adopted dad's ex and live w her now in#not-america and my toddler brother helped me write this via babbling and crawling over me and also listening to me read it out loud as#a bedtime story (mom-approved dw) [it has an E rating for the gore] and in general just being cute i suppose :/#here's what he has to say about it: *incomprehensible keysmash* Anyway thanks for still reading if youre here#i appreciate it a lot and im sure i'll have more updates soon between my training and babysitting''#and bruce meanwhile is reading this like EXCUSE ME WTF! TALIA?!#he works on his own arabic translation as homework for talia as well#jason todd#dc

@redrobin-detective

#lmao jason would be the one to be a FF author#him and Tim maybe but Tim is the one posting detailed complex meta thats like a vague story#Jason meanwhile is writing novel length and deeply detailed stories

[i'm up to Aug 29, 2022. It's 5 AM. i'mma go to sleep. good luck and thanks everyone!]

Jason as those AO3 authors who have the worst tragedies happening to them and yet still continues to pump out his new chapter every week

Some poor, unbeknownst Gothamite: “My favorite fanfic writer hasn’t posted or updated any of their fanfic in like four years. I don’t want to bug them but I’m always hoping for them to come back. I hope their okay :( ”

Jason, in between cutting off right hand mens heads and antagonize black mask, like Really Living It Up: “hey, sorry, guys! I know it’s been forever! I literally died and clawed my way back from zombiehood, but I’m back now! Hope you enjoy this new chapter!”

#to be continued #part 2 #master post #masterpost #dc #not dp #jason todd #funny shit #Jason Todd #Jason Todd the Fanfic Writer #Lit nerd Jason Todd #batman #Bat Family #batfam #red hood #dick grayson #tim drake #bruce wayne #hc

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shotoh · 3 years ago

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Hello! Not sure if your requests are open (please ignore if they're not) but I love the way you write smut I'm just w e t just reading your stuff and I was wondering if you could do one with Todoroki? He has a shy Fem s/o who is very quiet during sex. And when he asks her why one day she tells him it's because her last ex-boyfriend made fun of her moans and just general sounds she made all the time, so she goes silent. Cue Shouto doing everything in his power to get every single noise he can from her. Lots of praise, fluff, Dom!Sho™ and of course sin 😈 (again please ignore if you don't want to do this but I love your writing and I hope you have a great day)

let me hear you

SYNOPSIS: Despite the seemingly positive progression in both your relationship and your sex life, Shouto starts to question his ability to please you in bed after noticing how he could barely provoke even a noise past your lips. Little did he realize that there was another factor responsible for this occurrence—your rough past with your ex-boyfriend.

pairing: todoroki shouto x fem!reader

genre: angst, fluff, SMUT

word count: 12.2k+

warnings/tags: 18+, dominant!shouto, experienced!shouto, pro-hero!shouto, submissive!reader, shy!reader, characters are aged up accordingly, insecurities, mentions of past toxic relationships, blindfolds, sensory overload/deprivation, temperature play, quirk play, nipple play, praising, dirtytalk, hair-pulling, spanking, soft to rough sex, some degradation at the end (but not a lot), creampie

author’s note: so as you can tell by the length, this request got me inspired to turn this specific scenario into a whole fic, and as a result, it’s been taking me a while to get anything out to you guys. but it’s here and it’s done (finally)! sorry anon if you were looking for pwp… i actually have some other stuff in my inbox that i’ve been neglecting, so from now on, unless my motivation jumps for any reason, i’ll try to keep my answers short and simple! as in more in range of the “thirst posting” variety! so don’t be afraid to send anything in!

big shoutout to my girl rosie ( @shoutogepi ) for beta-reading this for me! love you, babe, and im extremely thankful for your feedback <3

Shouto had acknowledged from early on that you were a shy little thing.

When he first met you, you wouldn’t so much as look him in the eye if you could help it, too hesitant to start a proper conversation with him after growing very aware of his reputation. Any glance or thought of him would cause you to erupt in a fit of distress. You’d shake your head and make a beeline toward the opposite direction whenever you saw him coming.

Yet as much as you wanted to stop your feelings from getting out of hand, there came a moment when you both couldn’t deny the attraction that pulled you toward each other time and time again. The string of tension was wound tighter throughout every encounter at your workplaces; it was only a matter of time before it finally snapped.

Then came the pivotal day Shouto had admitted his interest in you, and in turn, you confessed that your feelings for him were mutual. Which led you to make this work somehow.

As the two of you progressed through your relationship, Shouto had taken extra care to advance at your pace. Dates and meet-ups were as frequent as both your schedules would allow for them. Through trials of time and effort, you gradually grew comfortable around each other, discussing even the most mundane things in your lives. Well, as mundane as a hero’s everyday experiences could get. With every exchange, you were making headway in closing the gap and allowing your budding attraction for each other to blossom.

Surprisingly, hand-holding and other physical forms of affection were a hurdle you both overcame quicker than you imagined. It became ingrained to the point that it hadn’t even occurred to you that your fingers were already intertwined while walking alongside each other, or that you made a habit of kissing his cheek—and him, the back of your hand—at the end of your dates until you consciously noticed it one day. You found it an accomplishment for an individual as shy as yourself and someone like Shouto, who mostly kept to a reserved lifestyle.

From then on, you conquered many barriers to bridge a foundation of trust and familiarity. You were thankful that you could freely express yourself around him without fear of judgment. So as the gap in your relationship naturally shortened little by little, it wasn’t long before you two became official and committed yourselves to no other.

In due time, those countless outings that helped flourish your development would eventually lead you to come over to Shouto’s abode.

On one particular night, after Shouto had finished his hero work, he dialed your number just before taking off from his agency’s building, and asked how your day was, only to find out you were stranded at your workplace. The train you usually took home was caught in a huge accident that had cut off most of the routes toward your apartment complex. Upon hearing that you were in the middle of securing a motel to take refuge in for the night, he immediately frowned and blurted out an offer before you could even get the rest of your words across his speakerphone.

“How about you stay at my place tonight?”

There was no way Shouto was letting you stay in some dusty, shady motel room while he had such a cozy space all to himself at home. And despite the circumstances, he had been meaning to ask you to visit his place for a while now.

To be frank, his home was way too big to be occupied by just himself anyway. He had always thought that it could use a bit of sprucing up in the form of people to fill the abundant space to make it more homey. Maybe roommates?

All that aside, he had to deal with your living arrangements for the night first. He sat silently behind the wheel of his car, waiting for your answer. He hoped he wasn’t breaching a level of closeness you weren’t ready to confront yet.

On the other line, you were more hesitant than you liked. You knew greatly that Shouto extended the invitation out of the kindness of his heart, with absolutely no ill-intentions.

No, that wasn’t the problem at all. What weighed heavily on your mind was the fact that this would be the first night you’d share together since becoming a couple.

Which meant that sex wasn’t entirely off the table, right?

Surely no one could blame you for thinking like that. He was a handsome young man, and you, a ripe, young woman—both who had particular needs.

If the newspaper headlines, magazine cover spreads, and billboard signs didn’t give it away already, Shouto was quite a sought-after man. He was a hero whom both women and men would love to succumb to a night full of pleasure with, and you should be thinking the same—revel in the idea actually. Considering he’s, well… yours.

Still… you had a cloud of uncertainty hanging above your head. You were no stranger to sex, but you couldn’t say your last encounters with it were the greatest. Not that you weren’t confident in Shouto’s ability to please a woman—it was simply an entirely different matter altogether.

In the end, you pondered the thought for longer than you probably should’ve.

“Y/n. Y/n?”

Hearing Shouto’s concerned voice resounding in the background made you realize you were holding him up. You shook yourself out of your daze, returning to the conversation. “Ah right,” you uttered sheepishly.

You heard his deep, lighthearted chuckle in your ear. “When you weren’t answering, I almost thought my phone died,” he joked mildly. “So are you okay with coming over? If not then I can drive you to somewhere I think is fairly–”

“N-No, it’s alright, I’ll take you up on your offer tonight.” As you gave your final answer, your voice floundered, trying to make up for your negligence in responding.

There was a stagger of silence, and unbeknownst to you, a smile enveloped Shouto’s lips as he reclined back in his car seat. “Okay, stay put then,” you could hear him start the ignition of his vehicle, the moderate purr of the engine revving in the background before it was overshadowed by the pleasant lilt in his tone, “I’ll be right there to pick you up.”

Not long after your conversation, Shouto pulled up on the side of the curb next to your building, prompting you with a text that he had arrived. Coming onto the sidewalk and seeing him hold his hand up in a gentle wave upon making eye contact with you had butterflies fluttering in your stomach like a young school girl. The sight reminded you of when Shouto would drive over during your lunch breaks to whisk you away for a pleasant chat in the afternoon, or when he’d directly pick you up at your apartment for your planned dates. You supposed this could be considered a date in itself, except unlike the other occasions, you wouldn’t be going back to your apartment afterward.

Then as Shouto whirred in the direction of his residence under the dim-lit roads, the night went on just as you expected it to.

With the thought of having sex with him lingering in your head, the atmosphere in Shouto’s lavish house was suffused with an overwhelming amount of sexual tension.

Though his proposal was an innocent one, it didn’t take long for the man to mirror your indecent thoughts. While you made yourself at home, his scent unknowingly intermingled with yours. You walked out of the shower, wearing only a t-shirt of his that he deemed appropriate enough for you to use tonight, since it acted as more of a long dress than anything. Little did he realize the image of his baggy clothes hanging off your shoulders—exposing your bare collarbones and legs to his prying eyes—would spur him to interpret the situation differently.

When you emerged from the bathroom—skin dewy, tepid, and wrapped in the subtle woody notes of his bath products—you spotted him eyeing you intently at a distance. Aware of the prolonged eye contact, Shouto’s gaze dashed elsewhere and he excused himself to the kitchen to see if he could scramble up something for the both of you to eat, but not before telling you to help yourself to anything in his home.

“I’ll see what we’ll be having for dinner tonight. In the meantime, make yourself comfortable.”

You nodded, a tender smile lifting your face at his hospitality. “Thanks, Sho, and also thank you again for letting me stay here. To be honest, I feel a bit spoiled being in a place like this.” You shied away and teetered on the balls of your feet as you held your hands behind your back.

To Shouto you looked so innocent and sweet—he’d always thought that way about you, but in this instance, there was an underlying layer of allure you held that threatened a lot of his willpower.

From the kitchen, he caught his eyes straying from his cooking, instead wandering in the direction of the living room where you were idling on the couch, your legs tucked beside you. The hem of your (his) shirt brushed against your bare legs with every shift in your position, and it was honestly so goddamn distracting how the fabric would ride up and tease him with subtle displays of your skin. He swore at one point he spotted a flash of color from beneath the hem, but he immediately looked away before he could process the sight.

Despite trying his hardest to push temptation away, he couldn’t deny his desire to embrace you in his arms and press his lips across every inch of skin hiding underneath that loose piece of clothing, dreaming about tossing it off your body for good.

“Calm down, Shouto,” he quietly chided, refocusing on his cutting board before he’d end up hurting himself by accident. He felt like he was leveraging your trust and encroaching on a threshold that he had no right to cross yet—shamelessly sneaking glances at you while you were so vulnerable. Being too distracted, he didn’t pick up on your feet stepping into the kitchen, not until you suddenly spoke up out of curiosity.

“So what are you making?”

His knife hit the wooden board with a single brisk noise that echoed across his kitchen. He turned around, discovering you standing behind him, peering over his shoulder.

“Just some simple rice, salmon, and miso soup. I’m not that great of a cook but I know the basics at least.” He set his knife down as you neared him and placed yourself at his left to get a closer look. Being evidently taller than you, if he even glanced down from this particular angle, he could get a glimpse at the peek of cleavage exposed from the fabric slipping down your shoulders. At the thought, his body had gone on autopilot, and his movements were rigid and extra guarded in your presence.

Your doey eyes gave him a look of uncertainty. He swallowed thickly, “I hope you’re fine with it.”

“Oh, yeah I’m more than fine! It’s just that you seemed like you were having some trouble over here,” you mentioned, peeping over at his station and witnessing his face furrowed in intense concentration, to which you assumed he must have been struggling with the task at hand. His eyebrows were scrunched, the skin between them folded inward as a gritted frown settled on his lips just before his pearly white teeth lightly bit down on the lower skin out of frustration.

Of course you were concerned for him, but was it weird that you also found the whole picture kind of sexy? You couldn’t help but shift your legs around when you were sitting in the living room, finding it incredibly hard to sit still, feeling a desperate need for friction in between your thighs over the idea that you really had a man like him all to yourself. So you half-approached him as an act of concern, your fantasy from earlier slowly consuming the forefront of your mind. Not only did the engaged expression painted on his suave features capture your interest, but the sleeves of his button-up shirt were folded up, allowing you to ogle at the veins and hardened expanse of muscle ripped down his arms.

You placed a hand on his arm, your voice becoming hushed and sweet—practically lascivious by how Shouto tensed up. “Do you need some help?”

Despite the nature of your question, there was an absence of worry in your tone, replaced by heady desire that slipped through the brittle cracks in Shouto’s resolve. From a brief glance at your pouty lips and the lust forming in the highlights of your eyes, he knew you wanted to embark on that next step in your relationship just as much as he did.

“Yes. I do.”

Finally.

Before you could even process the rapid turn of events, Shouto’s hands were already on you, shoving you to the nearest flat surface available. He whisked you into his arms, his hands finding purchase beneath your ass where he palmed at the material of your panties, mindful of the chiffon texture. What a vixen. If it weren’t for that accident with the train earlier, he would have assumed you were planning this.

Feeling your back come in contact with a wall, your arms strung around his neck. Your body hovered off the ground, legs winding at his waist to pull him closer and feel his hard erection grind against your crotch through his pants.

Shouto continued kissing you, his breaths hot and heavy every time your lips met. Yet as your mouths merged and he felt every inch of the soft skin of your pretty lips, he couldn’t decipher whether you found elation through what was transpiring. Though your breathing was ragged, the noise that departed you was nothing short of an incredibly light whimper.

He detached his lips from yours out of worry, despite you making an effort to chase after them. When you realized he wanted to take a pause, you relaxed against the wall, still clinging onto the man as you regained your breath. Shouto took this moment to scan over you. Your cheeks were hot and your expression was flustered—eyes hooded, lips quivering, and wordlessly pleading him for more of his touch. By how you didn’t put up any resistance, he took it as a sign that he was allowed to continue.

But he wanted to be entirely sure. “Are you okay?”

Blinking at him, you were surprised he would have to ask that, but thought of it as characteristic of Shouto to dwell over the matter of taking things at your pace. After you nodded, you spotted a sliver of relief wash over him. His face softened as he readjusted his grip to maneuver you off the wall. He closed some distance between your faces, but did not come for your lips just yet to utter a question, “Shall we take this to my bedroom then?”

This time you didn’t have to say any reply, only gliding through the empty space between your lips, kissing him fervidly to determine your answer. He immediately reciprocated, tilting his head to link your mouths perfectly together. You kept yourselves like that throughout the trip to Shouto’s room and were thankful that he knew his own home like the back of his hand, navigating the expanse swiftly and carefully. Your dinner was long forgotten and before you knew it Shouto dropped you gently on his futon. His body hovered over yours, practically consuming it as he lowered his head to deepen the kiss, his tongue inviting itself to brush against every crevice of your mouth.

Throughout the slow and deliberate dance of your lips, the two of you discarded your clothing until nothing but your underwear was left to separate you from feeling each other at your most intimate. Shouto was glad the night had progressed to the point where he could finally manifest his imaginations and trail his hot lips across your bare skin.

“You’re so pretty, love. And so tempting. Do you realize what you were doing to me earlier, showing off your beautiful legs—exposing your skin that looked like it was begging for me to kiss?” he asked, not expecting a proper answer, but more so a pleasurable, dulcet sound. One that you didn’t want to give him just yet as he continued speaking racy praises into your ears. “I can’t believe it took me this long to finally worship you like this.”

Even as he nipped at every inch of skin his eyes could see, he couldn’t pull many noises from your lips. It was a sign that made doubt crawl in his head, worried that he was coming onto you too fast. However, as his fingers dipped under the waistband of your panties, he was pleased at the wetness pooling between your thighs. He could practically hear his fingers squelch while playing with your folds, and was content with your face contorting into a look of obscenity the more his fingers prodded you.

Your teeth were gritted, feeling the temperature rise quickly in your belly. You brought your hand to your mouth to block out any noise that would leak out as Shouto began spinning his pads against your clit methodically. It was a detail the man noticed, but didn’t bother to comment on out loud, thinking it was rather cute how you were trying to suppress your moans.

His other hand pushed your bra up to reveal your tits to the air, kneading one mound to add to the sear growing in your abdomen. You forced down a squeal despite the tantalizing sensations of having your entire body played with.

“You’re sucking me in and squeezing around my fingers so well. Such a good girl... You’re gonna cum any moment aren’t you?” He gandered down at you, loving how your face scrunched and you moved your hips in tandem with his actions. You offered a frantic nod, caught in the ecstasy of him repeatedly hitting your sweet spot until you eventually felt the heat in your abdomen about to boil over.

“Let me hear you…” he uttered at the last second, but you must have been too ensnared by the sensations to bother listening, biting at your bottom lip while writhing underneath him.

Then one single thrust with his thick fingers finally set you off. Your legs thrashed next to him and you arched your back on the futon, the act of containing your moans making your body lash out more than usual as you came on his fingers. The lone sound that dropped from your lips was nothing but empty noise. Your mouth opened only for nothing to come out, concealed by your need to silence yourself as your hand curled next to your lips and your eyes were shut tight.

Again, your lover did not want to make you feel self-conscious by making any remark on how… much more quiet you were than he expected. He was just glad that you felt plenty of relief and rapture, finding his own pleasure in your cum soaking his fingers, pulling them out of your messy cunt to inspect the sheen glossing them.

Even if your voice didn’t choose to give it away, your reactions surely conveyed your descent into bliss. They were such a treat to gaze upon, Shouto almost wanted to frame each one. He would have to settle with the fact that this wouldn’t be the last time he’d get to witness them... considering he still had a throbbing hard cock tied down in his briefs.

“Did that feel good, baby? Are you alright?” His voice sounded tender and his actions reflected that same gentleness, massaging up and down your shaking thighs.

Still undergoing the effects of that intense orgasm, it took you a while to register his words, but once you did, your shyness took over and your voice murmured out, “Yeah, it was great…” Your affirmation brought back that relieved expression across Shouto’s face that looked down at you with a warm smile, white and red bangs clinging to his forehead.

Not wanting your demureness to get the better of you, you scooted up to pull your panties off, dangling them on one ankle before tossing them to the side. Garnering some courage, you spread your legs and fully exposed your sopping center to his greedy eyes that went wide at the sight, akin to a wolf finally spotting a delicious morsel of meat.

“Please, I want you to fuck me already.”

He gulped at your request but soon fell back into place, that stunned look melting into fervor as he crawled above you.

“Oh, I will, love. I’m gonna make our first night together one you’ll always remember.”

And he did just that, pounding you into the sheets until your head spun and you could think of nothing but his body devouring yours and his length penetrating every crevice inside your pussy.

Though Shouto couldn’t draw the noises he had been anticipating from you, he was satisfied nonetheless. His cum had coated your walls in thick white that overflowed from your folds after you told him at the last second that you were on birth control. Hearing that was enough to drive him to his peak and he released with a loud grunt that overpowered the fragile silence encompassing the room, making up for your lack of moans. The sound rang in your ears and you were shocked by how sexy his voice was—the gravely yet rich rasp in his tone a sublime conclusion to a night snarled by passion. In the back of your mind, you were glad your lackluster noises didn’t distract you from his.

Unaware of the self-deprecation muddling your thoughts, Shouto succumbed to exhaustion beside you, his energy depleted sooner than normal after a long day of hero work and a lack of food in the tank. It wasn’t his fault he had an appetite for something else, and after having his fill, you were staring at him with droopy eyes and a lazy grin, looking just as, or even more, tired than he was. He’d have to make it up to you with a hearty breakfast in the morning.

Not long after did you doze off into slumber next to him. Curling into his chest, he drew you closer and tossed the sheets over your naked body. Shouto wanted to admire your vulnerable state for a while longer before he’d follow behind you, but as he caressed your hair and kissed your forehead, the scene of what had transpired replayed in his mind. He recalled the times you blocked out your voice, not letting a single note slip past your lips— even when it seemed like he was doing a stellar job at getting your body to surrender to ecstasy.

But as the thought dawdled, Shouto suggested to himself it wouldn’t be good to overthink it and ruin the mood when you were blissfully asleep next to him. It wasn’t like it was necessarily a bad thing that you kept your voice to yourself. It was all a matter of how others reacted to different situations. People could be quiet or loud during sex and perhaps you chose to express yourself in other ways while being intimate with your partner. At least, that’s what he hoped before his head sank in his pillow and he closed his eyes, waiting for morning to rise.

Since closing even more of the distance between you that night, you and Shouto made sex an avid part of your relationship. It felt like you two couldn’t go without it, exchanging yearning looks in between moments before coming at each other like animals and tangling yourselves in your limbs. You were even bold enough to fuck in Shouto’s office on one of your lunch breaks, initially dropping off a bento for him at his agency in case he dismissed eating for overworking himself again, only to discover your efforts were pointless as you both ignored your food altogether and found your fill in different ways.

Whenever you went at it in such compromising locations, Shouto was somewhat thankful you muted your noises. But that brought up another constant ever since that night, one which overtime, increasingly became an enigma to him.

In a span of a month, all he could manage to get you to utter while stuffed with his cock was a squeal. Even then, it was relatively muffled in comparison to the enthusiastic reactions he received from his previous partners, who were always babbling nonsense after losing themselves on his cock.

Shouto was never bothered by this fact enough to lose sleep over it. However, it was jarring to him whenever he heard his own voice above yours, and the notion of whether he was the only one finding pleasure in bed together rose for him to question his ability to satisfy his partner. The tendency to ask how you were doing after seemingly making you orgasm through any method of fingers, tongue, or both, developed into a habit marked by doubt. Out of need for a sense of security, he established a safeword for you to use whenever it was necessary, without needing to explain his lackluster performance or otherwise; he’d honor your request wholeheartedly if that were the case. Luckily, no opportunity ever emerged for you to have to use the safeword thus far, which left him stumped. So what exactly spurred you to stay so silent?

Pondering this to himself wouldn’t help him find any closure. He had to be direct with his approach and that meant spilling his thoughts to you.

That very chance appeared on one of your outings together, where you sat with a cup of tea and coffee within the serene atmosphere of a cafe, discussing the current trends with work and friends. He brought up the question casually in conversation, being deliberate with his wording as to not pose concern and perhaps make it a bigger deal than it really was.

“Y/n, we’ve been together for some time now and I’m glad that we’ve gotten so close with each other…” Shouto’s voice lingered off as he watched light ripples cascade the surface of his drink. His misty turquoise and silver eyes trailed over to you bringing your cup of tea to your lips. He drew in a breath to ready himself for what he wanted to say. Meanwhile, you gulped hard for the warm, earthy liquid to ebb through you, hoping it would soothe the jitters you felt upon hearing his words.

Shouto cleared his throat, attempting to look you straight in the eye. “But I’ve noticed that you’ve always been really quiet whenever we have sex. And it’s not exactly a big deal or anything, but I was just wondering why that is?” He paused for a second, the other question he wanted to ask teetering on the tip of his tongue. Hesitant mismatched eyes slowly averted from yours and his fingers curled into his palm on the table. “Am I not as good as you were hoping?”

Hearing his remark, your tea nearly went down the wrong pipe, and you almost choked in response. You quickly set your cup down to stammer, “N-No, not at all! You’re great, Shouto! Terrific actually!” You clarified almost too loudly, scanning over your surroundings to see if anyone was bothered before straightening yourself and adjusting your volume accordingly.

“I’m sorry if I’ve been making you feel this way. It wasn’t my intention at all.” You searched his face, reading the hesitance all over his features that began to ridden you with guilt. “Like I said, you’re more than I could ever ask for in a boyfriend, Sho. You’re so kind, patient, and mindful of all my needs that I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve you. I guess, right now, that statement isn’t far off considering I haven’t been very aware of how you’ve felt lately.” Too ashamed to look him in the eye, you twiddled with your thumbs and kept your head down.

“And… Well… There is a reason why I’ve always chosen to be silent during sex.”

You pressed through your uneasiness to peel off the layers of your past relationships, confessing how your last ex-boyfriend told you that you’d be better off staying quiet when you fucked so you wouldn’t “ruin the mood”. You vividly remembered all the mean comments he said to you, where he mocked your voice and the noises you made. It discouraged you from even opening your mouth sometimes while having sex with him. Even when you spoke to your ex about how his words made you feel, he simply scoffed and brushed everything under the rug as a joke, stating you were too sensitive. Needless to say, you ended that relationship quickly. However, the damage had been done and his words unconsciously stuck with you, affecting your habits.

While in the middle of explaining your history, you hadn’t noticed Shouto’s fist shake beneath the table, his reluctant face slowly contorting in anger as he gnawed at the inside of his cheek. It was when you spoke in great detail about what your ex said to you that he snapped.

“He said what?” he seethed. He was too blinded by ire to regard his cup of coffee boiling with bubbles from the heat radiating off his body.

He wanted to believe that if anything, your bashfulness was what was preventing you from letting your voice run loose. But to instead discover that someone had diminished your confidence enough to invoke a habit like that? Shouto was fuming.

You were stunned by his tone and even more so at his escalating ferocity. Gauging his anger, you wouldn’t be surprised if he went out to go find your ex and give him a piece of his mind this instant.

“Wait, Shouto, chill out!” you warned while frantically waving your hands at him, overhearing a patron in the cafe comment on how hot it suddenly was.

Blinking in realization, he swiftly activated his ice side to dispel the heat, returning to his normal temperature. He exhaled a frosty breath of air. “Sorry,” he muttered, rubbing his neck. You told him he didn’t need to apologize for anything.

“There’s no reason to get worked up about it anyway, he’s not worth the energy. And besides, he’s out of my life now so I should just forget about him.” You attempted to muster more confidence in your words, but found your resolve fleeting. Your eyes dropped to your tea and you took a sip to mitigate the silence afterward.

Shouto thought to himself that it must have been easier said than done when remembering how insistent you were in holding yourself back in bed, whether you were conscious of your actions or not. The white and red-haired man gripped his cup of coffee, swirling the umber liquid with a single gyration of his hand.

“I’m going to be honest,” Shouto began.

You held your breath, another guzzle of tea traveling down your throat. Somehow the assertive side of Shouto made you nervous at times like this.

“Your ex is nothing short of an asshole.”

Then as fast as your hesitance came, you were instantly relieved and released the breath you held. You were glad he shared the same sentiment.

A heavy sigh left his lips in the wake of his words as he set his coffee down. “I don’t think anyone deserves to have their partner mock them over something they can’t control. Plus, who does he think he is to say those things to you...” He was blunt about his distaste for your ex and didn’t bother to suppress his expressions when speaking about him. That alleviated a lot of the trepidations that crept over you at the recollection of your past.

It was like you had always thought—Shouto was such a breath of fresh air next to your former partners. You genuinely couldn’t believe someone could be so nice and understanding before he popped into your life. That being said, you felt guilty that he’d been questioning his worth as your boyfriend because of this, going as far as to doubt his competence in bed by how he could barely excite a proper moan off your lips, when you have felt nothing but bliss the entire time with him.

“I’m sorry I never mentioned this until now,” you murmured, your voice dwindling. Your hands enveloped the ceramic holding your tea, warming your palms and casting a blanket of security in an otherwise awkward position. Sensing you faltering into your docile nature, Shouto pried one of your hands off the cup and encased it in his own. His left side offered you another source of solace that beckoned your eyes to him.

“Regardless of what anyone thinks, I want you to know that that doesn’t matter to me. Whether you’re quiet or loud, soft or rough, or anything else.” He caressed his thumb against the back of your hand, inching it closer to him. “All I care about is that you’re you, and as a couple, we shouldn’t be afraid to express ourselves in front of each other, right?”

Then as a final sign of his sincerity, his lips met your skin, grazing your knuckles against them ever so lightly but just enough that you felt the disparate coldness that made your skin tingle and your heart react all the same. His words immediately pierced through you, helping you to open your eyes and remember just what your relationship stood for after countless moments spent unconditionally loving each other. A softened smile graced your lips that glowed before Shouto’s eyes, to which he couldn’t help but replicate, the newfound light in your pupils dazzling and infectious.

Basking in his affirmations, you gently drew your entwined hands to your side so you could return the favor and place a delicate kiss on the edge of his pinky finger. “Thank you, Sho. You have no idea how much your words mean to me.”

Eyes lidded in relief, he was glad everything was resolved and your insecurities were washing away down the stream, as were his.

Which meant it was fine for him to tease you a bit, right? He had to take advantage of the opportunity while it was fresh, the impish bone in his body acting impulsively. Rising slightly from his seat, he slanted across the table to wane the gap and hover next to your ear.

“You’ll let me hear them next time, won’t you? All your pretty noises?” he whispered huskily, making sure you knew those words were for you and you alone. According to how your eyes immediately fled toward your lap—unable to will yourself to return your gaze straight at him—you got the message.

“O-Of course…” you replied softly, nervous yet unable to ignore the excitement that pumped through your veins, thinking about what the future might entail from here on out. Shouto reverted to his side, easing away from your space.

After downing the remnants of his ground coffee, he reached for his wallet to pull out a hefty tip to leave on your table. Walking over to your seat, he helped you up, your hands naturally lacing together. He leaned over to adorn a kiss against your hair, whispering about how he would look forward to you keeping your promise, then escorted you both out of the cafe.

It was no surprise to the pair that “next time” came very, very soon.

In a short span of only a couple hours actually, after you’d concluded your business throughout the day and found yourselves at Shouto’s residence once again.

You could hardly wait until you were beyond the borders of his home, struggling to keep your hands to yourselves the entire drive there ever since that flicker of passion sparked in the aftermath of your date. The second you crossed that threshold, Shouto pounced on you before you could even pull your heels off, pushing your back against the closed door.

You instinctively opened your mouth to allow his tongue to prod your cavern and dance against yours. Your motions led to teeth clashing and irregular breaths blending together in a tempest that grew more rampant with every second you clung to each other in the entryway. You both possessed a desperate need to feel the other’s warmth within your palms, pawing at the clothes on your backs as you ached to be rid of them.

Languidly dragging your bottom lip between his teeth, Shouto nipped at the fragile outer layer with enough pressure that rushed heat to the surface, and released it from his mouth to observe its plushness bouncing back.

After detaching your lips—albeit with notable reluctance—his forehead rested on yours. His arms were at either side of your head, trapping you as you both broke out into rough breaths. He brought his thumb to your mouth, pressing against your bottom lip that felt scorching beneath the pad of his finger.

Peering at him, you watched delirium swirl in the icy hues of his eyes that observed every detail he could behold. He looked as if he was devouring you with his potent stare alone, marveling at his treasure with the most wanton expression on his handsome face. To have this much of an effect over Shouto still after months of being together set a flare off inside you.

Thoroughly recalling that conversation from the cafe, you were starting to grow braver with every minute that passed. Your shy nature withered at your boldness, triggering you to part more of your lips as your hazy eyes locked with his firmly.

“Shouto~” you moaned. The airy wisp that teemed from your lips was soft yet very much audible to Shouto’s ears. His senses perked up at the sound of your voice registering to him cleanly and he swore the friend in his pants twitched at the sweet utter of his name.

Fuck, what did he have to do to hear more? Shouto had asked himself this, but his body was very aware of the answer, already moving on its own, urged by the dull ache between his legs.

“C’mere–” Shouto left his actions to do most of the talking, too impatient to get his words across. He tugged you off the door, embracing you in his arms before you were easily hoisted over his shoulder.

Giddiness bubbling, you giggled at his display of strength. You were no stranger to this scene, where Shouto’s eagerness found you both in his bedroom at breakneck speeds. However, this occasion was different from the others.

The flames of arousal had flickered in your veins, weaving their way through your entire system. You both knew the blaze would grow until you were practically delirious with arousal and begging with desperation in your voice for that fire to be doused by only him. No one else. Shouto counted on it—counted on you to plead and scream for him by the end of the night. You made a promise after all, and by your show of neediness at the door, you were willing to give him just what he wanted, what he craved.

It was all a matter of how many saccharine sounds he could provoke off your lips. When he had entered his bedroom, he already had a clear idea just how he was going to get every noise he could think of out of you. But first…

Shouto slid you safely down his shoulder, where as soon as you touched the ground he resumed devouring your lips.

“Mmph–” Spit pooled in your throat, your tongue and body suppressed in a whirlwind that forced you backwards. You stumbled onto soft bedding that was, to your surprise, more elevated than you were expecting. The man grinned against you, foreseeing the mild amazement on your face. When you separated with a thread of spit connecting your lips, you pawed at your surroundings, immediately grasping the expansive king-size bed below you that was slightly raised on a wooden platform frame.

Reading the reaction on your face, the man above you chuckled. “You like it? I had it installed a couple of days ago.”

You had to admit that this spacious mattress was definitely an upgrade from Shouto’s futon, which was originally supposed to fit only one adult man. Still, you made do with what you had at the time, and though certain positions were limited with the space you were given, you hadn’t ever complained.

As for Shouto, the new bed was a rather impulsive decision, one that was spurred by the many nights he shared with you, tucking you in at his side until morning came. He couldn’t help but splurge on it. To him, it would all be worth it in the end.

With plans of how to make good use of the new bed floating in his mind, Shouto’s grin edged on a smirk as he crept closer to your ear.

“Why don’t we try and break it in?”

His deep voice dripped with a suggestive lilt that made your thighs almost clench together, if not for the fact that Shouto was already situated between them. Instead, you felt a pang between your legs. Your cunt undoubtedly ached for him, sticking to your panties with slick.

Shouto crawled backwards until he was low enough to reach your ankles and pried your shoes still clinging to your feet, dismissing them to the floor. Remaining where you were, you watched him nip at the skin of your legs, carving an upward trail. His painstakingly scrupulous journey began at your ankles, traveling to tenderly kiss your shin. He followed the path up until he eventually reached your soft thighs.

You shivered at every wet caress against your skin, noting the alternating temperatures of each kiss that kept you guessing. “Sho…” you sighed while fighting off the impulse to bite your lip—a habit of yours since your encounters with your ex.

“Mm,” he hummed in content at your quiet plea, continuing to nip at your thighs as he switched between them. Hooking his hands under your knees, he pulled your legs apart and your skirt rode up your hips to reveal the wet patch on your panties. At the sight, Shouto licked his lips.

The instinct to dive down and drag the flimsy fabric to the side so he could give himself free range to go to town on your cunt was more tempting than words could really describe. But where’s the fun in taking things too fast? Shouto was a patient man and he planned on dragging the night out just for you.

For the time being, he settled with planting a kiss on your clothed slit, sparing it short-lived attention. You were about to rock your hips against him, but he pulled away too soon and left you whimpering as you shuddered at the fleeting sensation of his mouth against your damp panties. Seeing the disappointment on your face, Shouto sent you a reassuring smile while rubbing gentle circles on your outer thighs.

“Wanna take my time tonight... So be good and let me hear you like you promised. Give me the pleasure of hearing all your moans and screams while you’re stuffed with me.”

Your eyes widened, flustered upon hearing his request, but you soon realized something.

Let me hear you.

You remembered those were the words that Shouto spoke to you on the night you first had sex together, and how at the time, you pushed them away and did nothing but made your voice even quieter. But after today, you were determined to make amends with yourself and make up for all those times you relinquished him the full satisfaction of hearing his partner.

With all that said, you nodded fervently in reply. Making out the hardened resolve hidden in your eyes, he got to work at returning your enthusiasm, finding the zipper of your skirt and removing your clothing off your person.

Throughout his show of undressing you, he made sure to keep your mind occupied on his ministrations. His lips found home on any area they could touch while his hands sought to get more of your clothes off. He relished every needy whine he pulled from you throughout the process, worshipping your body until you surely developed a cavity from his honeyed praises. You noticed he was adamant about keeping your panties hugging your lower-half, only going as far as to remove your bra after your blouse floated off somewhere beside you.

Once that was done, you were left exposed before him. You were expecting Shouto to follow suit, but he suddenly stood from the bed and trailed over to his nightstand. He jerked the top drawer open and rummaged his hand inside. You sat up, staring at him with furrowed brows. He wasn’t going to pull out a condom was he? There was no need for one—you’d established that you’d been on birth control since the beginning of your relationship. Plus, nothing would please you more than to hug Shouto’s raw, hard cock in your welcoming walls.

“Aren’t you going to undress?”

He continued his short search in the drawer, not meeting your eyes yet as he replied, “Oh, I will. But I don’t think it’s really gonna matter.”

You cocked your head. “Why?”

Your question was answered through Shouto completing his search as he pulled something out for you to see.

“Because I want you to wear this tonight.”

Your eyes locked onto a strip of lace fabric dangling between his fingers, an elaborate design sown on the material similar to a pattern you’d find on a set of lingerie.

“You want me to wear a blindfold?” You voiced the situation as you saw it.

He grinned at your obvious bemusement. “I read somewhere that shutting down one of your senses helps to amplify the others,” he went on to explain, pinching the black satin straps on each end to flatten out the material, “and of course, it adds an extra element of surprise, don’t you think?”

As he approached the bedside, you glanced back and forth at him and the blindfold, acknowledging that he was making a daring effort at spicing things up tonight. It was likely part of his ploy to wrestle your noises out.

There was silence where you should’ve responded. Shouto knelt on the edge of the bed. “Well baby, are you up for using this? It’s fine if you aren’t.”

“No, no, I’ll put it on. It seems like a fun idea,” you said earnestly. You weren’t letting a measly blindfold impede you tonight. That aside, you also held truth in your words. The prospect of obstructing your precious vision while Shouto had his way with you was too good of an opportunity to pass up.

Right before he lifted the blindfold toward you, Shouto stopped himself. “But first, what’s the safeword?” he diligently reminded you.

“Nea... Neapolitan.”

A smile graced his lips, rewarding your answer with a kiss on your temple. “Good girl.” He then prompted you to turn around so he could tie the lace material over your eyes.

In an instant, you saw nothing but darkness as pitch black consumed your vision. Your other senses began to fill in the emptiness left by your lack of sight, the sounds surrounding you amplified from even the quietest of rustles. Goosebumps ghosted your arms at the soft sheets suddenly embracing your back while Shouto’s rough hands situated you to lay your head against the pillow.

Your arousal heightened at every detail your enhanced senses could pick apart in the darkness. Just hearing the light shuffling of Shouto’s clothes being tossed off his built body while in the void made it unbearable for you to stay still. Your imagination kicked into gear to fill in the murky gaps, forming the image of his toned, contoured body that you’ve been so acquainted with. You could hear your heartbeat quicken at the thought.

You hadn’t realized that your hand started acting on its own accord, embarking up a route toward your breasts with a goal of relieving your deprivation. But Shouto didn’t grant you any gratification through self-pleasure. Grabbing your wrist, he cut your path short.

“No touching. That’s my job tonight.” His voice husked, the domineering edge making you pliant on command. You gulped and obediently withdrew your hand.

It wasn’t long until he fixed himself above you, the mattress dipping with the weight of his arms close to your body. Even with your sight stolen, you could register Shouto near your face, taking his time admiring your form beneath him. His icy breath ghosted your trembling lips.

“If you get uncomfortable, just say the word and I’ll stop right away. But until then, don’t expect me to go easy on you, love.” He offered a warning before diving into the heat of action.

A whimper escaped you amidst Shouto blazing his lips in an icy-hot trail down your jawline and your neck. You swore that a path of steam must have floated off your skin at the chilled nibbles that quickly fused into a searing sensation. The sudden transition from cold to hot left you squirming under him. You tilted your head into the pillow, panting out broken breaths. As a result, Shouto gave extra attention to the area, mapping the expanse of your neck.

“Focus on me. It’s just you and me tonight,” he commanded, glancing up to watch you at odds with yourself and these simulations. Then a solid gasp tore from your lungs as he sunk his teeth in your neck without warning, applying enough pressure to break skin and undoubtedly embed a mark. You focused on the sharp pain puncturing you before it steadily dispersed, your head digging into the pillow as your mouth parted with a squeal.

Shouto brushed his fingers around the spot he bit, admiring the hickey that was now embellished there. “You can’t see it, but this mark looks so pretty on you, sweetheart,” he said without a hint of dishonestly shrouded in his words. “I hope you don’t mind if I give you another one…”

“Ah–!” You couldn’t even voice your fondness for the idea as the icy-hot man went ahead and dug his teeth in the crook of your neck again, making your mouth only good for wailing sounds of pleasure. Your arms weaved around him, a hand in his hair to secure yourself while blinded.

“Hm, that was a good one…” Shouto murmured, focusing on your sounds. “But I’m sure you got more than just that.” Learning about what your ex had the gall to say to you had made him determined to rectify that idiot’s mistake and snatch your noises all for himself.

He proceeded planting open-mouth kisses toward the valley of your breasts, landing on a curve of soft flesh.

“When this is over, I’m gonna make all your exes nothing but a bad dream,” he muttered with your tits in his face, silky strands of dual-colored locks fanned out and tickling your skin. Finding your chest quite comfortable to lay on, Shouto nuzzled himself between them. At one point, you thought he was simply going to remain there and bask in the atmosphere, however, that belief was quickly squashed with a hitched breath stuttering your lungs. His left hand engulfed one of your breasts, kneading the tender mound with a heated palm.

“Make them wish they were here and regret every lie they ever said to you.” He continued musing sweet promises to your ears, but your mind was locked onto him teasing your breast. His thumb and index finger tantalized the hot pebble between them—twisting, rolling, and even pulling with a delicious amount of pressure that made your teeth grind together and for you to grip more of his red and white hair.

The thought of leaving your other tit unattended while its twin was receiving all the attention left his palate bitter. Maybe he could wash it off with a taste…

His tongue ran along the arc of your other mound in a circular motion, slowly moving toward the erect nub in the center that grew increasingly sensitive the closer he got. The tip of that mischievous tongue had dropped in temperature upon reaching the outer ring and languidly traced your areola. Your fingers that were woven in his hair tightened, dragging at his scalp. His ministrations had earned him an raspy moan as he flattened the appendage wholly against the exposed nipple, gliding over it with coolness clinging to the muscle that evoked a long whine past your lips.

Your body curved off the bed and delivered more of your flesh in his mouth. At your generosity, he sucked away, ravishing the stiff bud while staying consistent with his work on the opposite one, pinching harder with his tepid digits.

His pace was hungry and erratic, manipulating the hot and cold that struck your body like unrelenting waves against rocky shores. The sensations were becoming unbearable, especially with the blindfold amplifying every simulation that attacked you. Your senses were climbing at their peak and as a result, you foresaw a flame kindling in your belly.

“Wait—fuck—Sho, if you keep playing with my– I might– Shit!” Broken curses spilled off your tongue, coming to terms that it was futile to stop your orgasm from sneaking up on you. An explosion of nerves were crackling under your skin. Your mouth hung open to let loose a drawn-out cry that was loud enough to ring in Shouto’s ears, much to his delight—one of the first he had the privilege of hearing thus far. That beautiful sound alone told him exactly what happened. He sat up, a peculiar look in his eye.

“Did you just orgasm from me playing with your nipples?”

You laid still, your lips pursed in a line. Your mortification was written on your face—readable even with that band of lace hiding your expressive eyes. Realizing your answer, Shouto’s lips curled, pride swelling in his chest. He was by your side before your self-consciousness could overwhelm you, with nothing to gauge his reaction in the darkness.

“Fuck, is that sexy. Your sounds are so so pretty. You’re just so full of surprises tonight, sweetheart. It’s almost like I’m the one that’s being blinded here.” He bent down to keep your mouth company while shaping your sensitive tits in his hands, massaging them affectionately to ease the tension knotted inside them.

You couldn’t help your curious nature from uttering a question between kisses. “Have you ever… made anyone else cum like that?”

He moved to favor your cheek, a finger edging beneath the waistband of your panties. “No, baby. You’re the first.”

Hearing that washed away both the jealousy and uncertainty churning inside you. You were aware that Shouto had also been with others prior to you, not at all surprised when he disclosed that information at the start of your relationship. And though your time together grew to be the longest of all your old flames, you couldn’t help but occasionally compare yourself to his former partners. Learning that there was one unique aspect you shared with Shouto made you happier than you could admit.

Your blithe musings were quickly torn by the sneaky set of fingers prodding further inside your panties. Gliding his lithe yet calloused digits through your slippery folds, Shouto gathered a glossy coat around his fingers. A strained whimper leaked off your tongue. Your throbbing pussy was finally given relief after screaming to be touched since the very start.

You could hear how obscenely wet you were, your inner thighs soaked with slick arousal that made you want to bury your face in the pillows and fold them over your ears. You were at least glad the blindfold offered some form of blissful ignorance.

“Shit. You absolutely ruined this pair, love. No point wearing them anymore.” He hooked onto the panties and pulled them off, the material wringing as it rolled past your legs. His heterochromatic eyes roved over the dampness saturated at the crotch, appraising how soiled your underwear had gotten through your contactless orgasm. “Maybe I should keep these as a souvenir.”

You couldn’t determine whether he was joking or not. Regardless, it was hard not to react to the lewd implications of his words. “Oh, you…” Despite his clean princely image, Todoroki Shouto could be so dirty when he wanted to be, always knowing just how to push your buttons to get you hot and bothered.

His middle and ring fingers ran along your inner labia, purposely circling your entrance. He was so close to where you needed him to touch you, but it seemed like he was beating around the bush.

A desperate plea eluded you. “Sho– Please…”

Amused, Shouto watched your lips quiver as you tried calling out to him. “You want me to do something, baby? Go on then, tell me.” He cooed encouragement that compelled you to reveal your desires.

“Touch my clit…” Listening to the words that departed you, your voice evaporated into a whisper. Your dripping cunt was aching and closing around nothing as you throbbed with want. “Please, I… I need it.”

“You need it, huh?” he reiterated and you were quick to return that question with a frantic bob of your head. “If that’s the case then I’ll do more than just touch.”

Not a beat later did you feel something slippery join your engorged clit. You squirmed upon contact, discerning the skilled flicking motions to be his tongue on you again.

“Goddddd…” you drawled, the purposeful licks against you slowly making you come undone. Shouto reveled in you thrashing from the ecstasy coursing through your body. He relished every note of your wanton song as he toyed with the sensitive pearl in his mouth. At one point, he had caught you folding the sides of your pillow into your face, leaning your head into the cushion, and obstructing your noises from him. Of course, that wouldn’t fly with Shouto.

He paused his feasting to draw your hands away. You were confused as to why he stopped and where your hands were being led toward until you felt silky locks between your digits again.

“Your hands belong in my hair, got it? I don’t want them anywhere else.” His words vibrated on your clit, sending electric shocks of pleasure throughout your body as he expected you to pull on his scalp, especially when his fingers finally joined the fray. “You’re already wet enough for me to put two fingers in. Maybe three?” He tested the waters with two fingers inserted into your folds and you gasped at the immediate stretch upon entry. A chuckle reverberated from his lungs. He stuck to only two for now, tongue flicking against your bundle of nerves. He skillfully slipped his digit in and out of you, spreading your legs further apart whenever you tried to clamp them around his head, balling your hands in his strands.

“Fuck do I love this pussy… You’re so damn beautiful, fuck!” He couldn’t help but pour out praises when you were becoming such a hot mess for him, grinding your wet cunt on his tongue, and drowning in delirium that made your eyes on the verge of rolling back. Now with three of them inside you, his fingers opened you up, preparing you for his erection that was weeping, eager to be embraced by that pretty pussy of yours.

“Shit..! I-I can’t–!” you muttered between moans—a warning that your second orgasm was approaching quicker than the first. This time, Shouto had the mind to take the hint, smirking against your slit. To your astonishment, all sensations were suddenly ripped away from you, reducing you to feeling frustratingly empty and that knot in your belly to unwind altogether.

Pitch blackness still clung to your eyes as your upper body rose from the bed in retaliation. “Sho! What the fuck, I almost came!” Irritation laced your words, an exasperated look overtaking your features. You were sure he could make it out even with the damn blindfold covering half your face.

Expecting such a reaction, Shouto let out a quiet, dark laugh. You were coming out of your shell in more ways than one tonight. His hand snuck beneath your chin to yank you closer so you could hear every harrowing word off his tongue.

“Sorry to ruin your fun, but I want you on all fours. Right now.”

You could tell he had flipped a switch from his tone alone. Silently gulping down the thick lump in your throat, you turned around in place. You didn’t dare take the blindfold off just yet, maneuvering your body into position without question, no matter how awkwardly you were moving.

Ass poised in the air, hands and knees resting on the sheets, you had no idea how you appeared before his eyes. Judging by the breathy intake of air you heard behind you, you wanted to say he was satisfied.

Oh, was he satisfied alright. More than he could’ve ever asked for. “Ooo.. fuck me…” His palms laid flat on your ass, hands molding into your flesh and rubbing your plushness that spilled between his fingers. “A perfect ass, along with such a–” his thumbs ran toward your core, spreading your folds for him to see your drenched and twitching cunt, “perfect pussy.”

Your nails delved into the sheets, mouth gaping open when you felt something hard and veiny rut against your slit. You could manifest every ridge of his cock in your head, feeling it brush along your clit that was still sensitive from his tantalizations.

“Ah..!” A yelp fled your mouth, released by the sudden smack that stung your ass. That jolt of pain subsided underneath the caresses of his cold, right hand. Shouto rolled your flesh in his palm, gazing down with hooded eyes at your vulnerable form that urged for his cock to ruin you.

He licked his lips. “I’m gonna wreck you, sweetheart.”

“I-I– Mmph... ” Your words locked in your throat, overturned by the head of his cock slipping into your awaiting pussy. “Oh fuck...” you cursed at the stretch, your folds flowering slowly as you spread more of your legs to try and accommodate his size. You thought you would’ve been used to his girth by now, but to your amazement, Shouto’s cock deliciously sprawled you open time and time again.

“You’re so... so damn tight…” Biting his lip, the white and red haired hero suppressed the instinct to roughly thrust forward, but damn, were you making it hard. His head was dizzy with desire and need as his cock stuttered, sheathing itself between your warm, constricting walls.

At the same time, your entire body quivered in delight, feeling so full of him. Your skin dewed with sweat, anticipating the pounding that was about to come, to the point where you couldn’t bear the suspense anymore.

Luckily for you, Shouto somehow read your mind, moving his hips back and then forward to set the tempo. You drawled a sigh of relief, greedily sucking all of him in. You swore you were steadily getting drunk off his plunging cock, thoughts escaping you carelessly.

“Mmm, more…” you chanted.

“More?” Shouto quirked a brow, zoning in on your request.

“Yes, more. Harder. Faster. Please, I need everything you can give me.” You’ve never been this vocal in bed with him before, usually placing your trust in him to take care of you since your voice would only fail you in those situations. Yet this time, you were eager to play with fire, no matter how much you’d burn. “Thought you said you were gonna wreck me? Do it then.”

Threatening shadows glazed over his turquoise and gray eyes, your challenge awakening a fiend inside him.

Harder? Faster? Such an insatiable little thing. Shouto was going to give you all of that and more.

“You asked for this,” large, battle-hardened hands connected against skin, urging another enthusiastic squeal of yours to resonate in the air, “fucking slut.”

His unbridled vigor rocketed into motion, hips snapping forward and pistoning your sloppy cunt that obscenely clamped around him. Taken by surprise at his escalating speed and power, your body lunged forward. Your mouth hung wide in an ‘O’ shape, singing a lewd mantra of moans that grew louder with every strong thrust rippling through your body.

“Agh..! Mm.. fuckfuckfuck–!” Any noise that brimmed from your lips echoed across the spacious room, bouncing off the walls and pleasantly resounding back into Shouto’s ears. He rooted the euphony deep in his mind, planning to put it on repeat later for his own gratification.

Damn, what kind of a dumbass was your ex to say what you were spewing out of your mouth while being jackhammered by cock was anything but sexy. As far as he was concerned, no one was ever good enough for you to begin with.

“Everything about you is so fucking beautiful… Your body, your moans, this greedy little pussy… All mine.” His thoughts escaped him, echoing an unwavering statement. “No other man is gonna matter except me, you hear?”

His cock was stirring too much of your insides and turning your brain to mush for you to properly comprehend his words. Your upper body gradually sunk into the mattress, tongue lolling out of you as your eyes rolled back into your lids, cloaked beneath the lace. Your lack of response earned you a blaring slap against your asscheek. Blood spiked at your rear, splitting you from your fucked-out trance.

Moderate heat enveloped his left palm as he delivered one more impact against your ass to fully seize your attention. You shot up with a piercing yelp, the pulsating ache flashing a gleam of red in the corner of your surrounding darkness. Gripping the back of your head, Shouto mildly tugged your scalp.

“Keep screaming so I know whose whore you are. Don’t even think about stopping.” He breathed chills next to the shell of your ear. Your arms shook at the weight of his words, squishy inner walls clenching in shameless response around his length.

“Mm… Mm-hmm...” you forced a whimper.

Each considerate thought in your head shattered as quickly as it was formed thanks to the unrelenting thrusts snapping against your ass. You willed the next statement out as best as you could, pulling your slurs apart. “Yours… Only yours… I-I love you, Shoooo…”

Endearment consumed him and Shouto couldn’t stop his lips from brushing your cheek, darkened exterior mellowing in the light of your sincerity.

“Oh baby, I just want to make you feel good… God, you especially make me feel so amazing. Your cunt keeps squeezing on my cock like it was made for me, what did I do to deserve you?”

His saccharine praises drowned in the waves of your sputtering as you uttered filth into the hot stuffy atmosphere, which was further met by the echoing of skin against skin and Shouto’s guttural snarls.

His hands were secured at your hips to leverage himself as he pounded into you vigorously. You clutched on the sheets for dear life with tears dampening the fabric wrapped around your shut eyes. The knot in your stomach that had loosened up when Shouto rejected you from your impending climax before this was tangling into a searing tight ribbon. “Sh-Shouto, please I wanna cum—please make me c-cum..!” you begged without a care, voice loud and clear.

Taking your request into consideration, he caressed his rough hands up your hips and waist. “Since you’re doing such a good job being vocal tonight, I think I should give you your reward–” His pace thundered into a merciless rhythm, heavy balls hitting the underside of your pussy as he rutted deeper and faster into your walls.

“Fuck, fuck, don’t stop!” you droned continuously, intoxicated by the blistering tension intensifying in your lower-half.

“Cum on my cock while I paint you sticky white. Scream my fucking name for me– Let me hear you.” Fingers embedded the skin of your hips, likely leaving bruises as he kept up the frenzied tempo of his thrusts, hitting that heavenly zone that made your back arch.

“There! There! Yes, yes, yes–!” Your chants inevitably died on your tongue, melting into incoherent stammers of approval until a deafening scream rippled from your tired lungs. The sound was unlike any you’ve unleashed before. After so much time containing yourself from fully embracing the feeling of sweet release and euphoria, you swore you were on the verge of blacking out from the intensity.

Lights flashed in the darkness consuming your vision, igniting like fireworks in every corner of your eyes while sparks bursted beneath your skin. Your limbs gave way for you to tumble onto the sheets, letting yourself be held up by Shouto who used you to achieve his own climax.

Witnessing such a beautiful, genuine sound from your parched lips while you gushed fervently around his cock, it didn’t take long for him to reach his peak. “C-Cumming!” He smacked his hips into you one last time to still himself, cock twitching within your pussy. Dumping his thick seed inside you, he filled your walls until there was no space left and his cream trickled out of your folds.

“So perfect, you’re so damn perfect, sweetheart. I love you so damn much.” Shouto used what energy he had left to muse nothing but affection for you, removing his softened length while soothing your body with tender touches. He admired your spent body beneath him that couldn’t summon an ounce of strength to even move. He took it upon himself to clean you up and take care of you, reaching for a towel to dry off the moisture clinging to your skin and finally relieve you of the blindfold to restore your sight.

Beams of light trickled your corneas, having to blink in numerous succession to adjust to the bright environment. Once your focus returned, you met Shouto’s grinning, handsome face, glad to be graced by it after what felt like an eternity. He swiped his thumbs below your eyes to rid you of the tears that had ended up streaking down your face. You held one of his hands that was attached to your cheek, turning over to kiss his palm.

As soon as you wiped yourselves down, he joined you on the bed, drawing you to his side so he could lovingly devour you with cuddles and pecks.

“That was…”

“Amazing?” he finished for you, running a warm hand up your arm and giving it a squeeze.

“Yeah, and more actually.” You giggled mirthfully, basking in the afterglow of sex as you nuzzled yourself in the crook of his neck.

Shouto petted the top of your head, but kept the conversation going. “You know, after all that’s happened today… From our talk at the cafe to the mind-blowing sex just now, I think it’s about time I gave you something.”

You glanced up at him with a curious quirk of your brow. “Hm? What ‘something’?”

“It’s something I’ve been meaning to hand over to you for a while now.” He rose from the bed, scooting off the sheets. “Close your eyes for me.”

“Heehee, you could always blindfold me again.” Your joke earned you a chuckle.

“Tempting, but I’ll leave that again for next time, love. Now if you would…”

You followed his request, lidding your eyes to fuel your evergrowing curiosity. You honed in on where Shouto’s steps took him, realizing he was still by the bedside, rummaging around the drawers. Then you heard a rattle of metal and him rustling back onto the mattress as he placed a cold, steely item in your hand.

You didn’t have to open your eyes to figure out what the object was by the jagged ridges rubbing against your palms. But your expression of astonishment didn’t diminish at the reveal either way.

“This is–”

“The key to my house.”

Those words could have only meant one thing.

You trailed from the key to Shouto’s face, silently asking if he was serious. A smile lifted his lips, hand wrapping around yours to curl your fingers into the key, making sure you registered the fact that yes, he was dead set on his offer to you.

“I want you to live with me, Y/n. This big place means nothing to me if I can’t share part of it with you,” he told you earnestly, a finger brushing your cheek to caress your jaw.

Shouto laid back on the expansive bed, but never tore his eyes away from you as he gazed at you expectantly. Through everything that had happened, you knew there was only ever one answer you could give him.

You dove for his lips, linking yourselves together while tightly gripping the golden key in your hand.

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

#bnha x reader #bnha smut #todoroki smut #todoroki x reader #bnha fic #todoroki x y/n #todoroki x you #bnha x y/n #bnha x you #todoroki fic #todoroki shouto x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #bnha imagine #todoroki imagine

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rayslittlekitten · 3 years ago

Text

Modern Muse

A/N: So this was inspired by that picture below of Charlie holding that camera (yes I know it's a film camera and not still camera). It was a seed of an idea and when I first started writing, I felt like I was rambling but it quickly became clearer in where I was taking this. I really wanted to be Will's POV and him just basically gushing about his partner. It's almost like a love letter. I like went extra with this, creating a playlist (Spotify list at the bottom) and mood board for it. Also, I tried my best to make this as inclusive as I could (images do not reflect reader character). The only thing is the reader has medium/longish hair.

Thank you @pomegranatearildreams and @lovebarefootblonde for beta reading!

Rating: T

Word Count: ~2.2k

Pairing: Photographer!Will "Ironhead" Miller x Fiancé(e) GN!reader

Plot: Will's new hobby helps him to appreciate the things around him more.

Warnings: None really. Maybe some mentions of sexy times and brief mentions of PTSD.

“Will!” You giggle as you playfully swat the camera away and clutch the bedspread over your naked body, but that doesn’t stop him from getting a snap or two even if it’s only your hand that gets in the shot.

Not too many people know but your fiancé has a passion for photography. He never really had the chance to truly explore it until after he retired from the military. He dabbled in it a little bit in high school, but that was about it. His therapist actually encouraged him to delve into photography when he mentioned it to them as something he’s been interested in for a long time. It made for a good distraction to keep his mind off things while working on his PTSD.

One day, while taking a stroll with Will after brunch, he saw a low end DSLR camera at a second-hand store sitting behind the display window and dragged you in with him. It was the first time you had ever seen him look like a kid in a candy store in a while. That same day, he started playing around with it, taking pictures of random things in your shared one-bedroom apartment: the plants sitting on the kitchen window sill arranged by height, the rack by the front door with perfectly lined shoes, the bookshelf organized alphabetically, the coffee table with coasters neatly stacked on the center of it.

While looking through the viewfinder for the next thing to photograph, he saw you curled up in the kitchen nook looking out the window while holding a hot mug of tea in your hands, gently blowing on it to cool it down. He captured the moment and quickly you became his muse.

You were shy at first modeling for him. You didn’t know how to pose or what to do with your hands, but he told you to just be yourself. Do what comes natural to you. He has many pictures of you laughing nervously and in awkward positions. One of his first ones was of you pulling the collar of your shirt over the bottom half of your face while laughing, but after a while, you got used to the camera being an extension of his body, of him. You would just go about doing whatever it is you were doing or look into the camera, at him, with the warmest smile on your face because seeing Will so joyous made you so happy.

Will simply wanted to capture how he saw you and share it with the world. He sometimes would catch you in deep thought or concentrate on whatever you were doing, whether it was sipping on your coffee, cooking or even just stretching.

The big windows around the apartment favored him especially during the day. The way the morning sun would highlight your face reminded him how radiant you are, and right before the sunset, when the golden glow fell on your skin, it took his breath away and had him falling in love with you all over again. Even after all these years, he is still in awe that he gets to go to sleep holding you and wake up next to you every day. The feeling of your soft skin against his own naked body makes him feel so much more connected to you.

He has many pictures where he likes to focus on certain parts of your body. He certainly has some close up shots that highlight the grace he found in each of them, but it was beyond physical beauty.

He loves the way your hair hides part of your face when you flip it to one side. He finds it sexy - a bit mysterious and playful, but he also loves it when you pull your hair back and loose strands frame your face. You look so angelic to him. The bed head look though never gets old because it reminds him of the sweet and sexy things he did the night before to give you that hairstyle. You also sometimes catch him smelling your hair and while it can sound creepy, there are times where you purposely lean into him knowing he will do it. It’s a subtle, tiny moment with him followed by head kisses.

Your sparkling eyes mesmerize him. It’s true what they say, that they’re the window to your soul. Beyond the gorgeous color, he sees so much love, hope, kindness and curiosity in them. He can get lost in them forever as you do with his ocean blue eyes, which seem to have started shining a bit brighter since he picked up the camera. He also adores the mischief you emit when you coyly look up at him from under your lashes.

Your nose is cute as a button. He has a morning ritual where he leaves little kisses on it every day to wake you up. He also finds delight in nudging the tip of his slim nose against yours before slotting his mouth over yours. It’s just an extra little moment of intimacy he can share with you.

Your soft lips are one of his favorites. He loves all the things you can do with it. Your tender kisses make his head spin and make him feel like he’s on cloud nine. He likes tracing his thumb over your pout and you sometimes like to kiss it or slip it into your mouth. There are other sexy things your mouth does to his body that drives him crazy, but it’s your smile that makes him weak. He loves seeing your grin, flashing your teeth in a wide smile. Even better when you’re laughing until your cheeks hurt. Seeing you so cheerful and exuberant warms his heart and hearing your laugh calms him.

Speaking of teeth, he also thinks you’re absolutely adorable when you bite your lower lip while smirking. It usually means you’re thinking of something naughty or you’re super excited about something. It makes him a little envious because he wants to be the one to bite that little plump flesh.

He also admires the words that come out of that sassy mouth of yours. He enjoys bantering with you and hearing your jokes, but he can also listen to you talk all day. He loves learning and wants to learn everything there is about you. Not just about you, but also the knowledge you impart to him. He also appreciates that you always seem to know the right thing to say to him at any moment, whether he’s having a bad day or a great one. When he can’t find the right words to convey his feelings, you can somehow find his voice for him.

Your ears. They stick out a little and you’re self-conscious of them. One of them also has a scar and small bump from when you got the top of it pierced when you were younger and it got infected, but he tells you no one notices it at all. Still, you distract people from it by wiggling them, but his favorite feature about them is how you really listen to him and create a safe space for him to share his thoughts and feelings without judgment.

That delicate area where your neck, throat and collarbone sit, he loves running the tip of his nose against it, inhaling your familiar sweet scent as he does. It’s a vulnerable spot he relishes in leaving light marks on, but he tries to not make a habit of it as he knows it’s a very visible location.

When exposed, your shoulders are places he also finds sensual, especially when they’re peeking out ever so slightly when your sweater or shirt slips down over it. It’s like an inviting tease. An inviting tease to your embrace.

He worships your soft hands because they are so versatile. It’s one of the parts of your body you use for everything. They comfort him, care for him and pleasure him. You massage your fingertips into and lightly scratch his scalp whenever he’s feeling stressed. You hold his hand when he needs reassurance. You cook and clean with your hands, nurturing him in ways that may seem like it’s just part of your daily routine, although he enjoys being in the kitchen more so than you. Cooking for you is one of his love languages.

Your chest is a part of you he can’t not possibly pay attention to. He loves running his palms and mouth over it, teasing your nipples, but what he likes the most is laying his head on it. Listening to your heart beat while you lightly run your fingers through his blonde hair soothes him. It makes him feel safe.

The smooth canvas of your back is something he always appreciates seeing, especially the way you arch and your muscles flex when making love. That dimpled spot right above your tailbone is a cherished place. Whenever you’re out with him, he places his hand there to remind you he’s there with you. When he spoons you, he wraps himself around you, protecting your back - protecting you.

Of course, your backside is something he can’t ignore. He likes to playfully smack it at any chance he gets. That might be the only part of your body that is actually purely a physical thing. The curve of your bottom fits so perfectly in his palms, especially when you have your legs wrapped around his torso. Although, he prefers to have them perched on his shoulders. Your hips, another area he likes to bite. That sensitive crease where it meets your leg. His whiskers tickle you there, but usually leads to pleasure when he makes his way between them.

He’s not really a foot guy, but he can appreciate yours. He’s given you foot massages when you’ve been on your feet all day. He likes to kiss your inner ankle when he has your legs raised up. He’s even given each of your toes little kisses, which surprised you. Although, he yearns for the day when you walk down the aisle beside him.

He’s taken so many precious pictures of you, but many of the pictures he keeps to himself. Some of them were just too sacred to him. They weren't necessarily risque or distasteful. He just wanted to selfishly keep a part of you all to himself. Like his little secret.

It’s rare, but every once in a while, the roles are switched and you’re the one behind the camera. He’s taught you a thing or two about how to use the camera, but the pictures usually come out a little blurry or too dark or too bright. There are always a few winners in the batch, but some of his favorites are the “imperfect” ones. Once, you took one of him while he was getting ready for work and while he was topless, you had taken a picture of him but your finger was unknowingly in front of the lens and it covered his bottom half which made him look naked. You also took one when he met Frankie’s newborn, his godchild, for the first time. It came out a bit out of focus, but it was clear that his was all on the tiny human being in his arms. You know one day he’d like to become a father.

There are other things he’s documented with his camera, other things that bring him joy and interest. Sometimes they can be sentimental and nostalgic such as his brother while he was working on their father’s old pick-up truck. Benny has kept it and maintained it since it was passed on to him. Other times it’s to capture a monumental moment, like when Benny won a fight or when Frankie proudly showed off his newborn for the first time. He also has a collection of nonsensical and random photographs like that time he just had to take a picture of a pigeon trying to carry a whole entire soft pretzel in its beak and it kept dropping it. Or some street art he simply thinks looks cool.

Instead of brandishing firearms and peeping through the sniper scope, he's wielding a camera and looking through the lens to appreciate life instead of taking them. Photography has helped him work through some of his darker thoughts and moments, but it has also brought you closer together. There is an intimacy to it, seeing your partner, lover, best friend literally through the lens. You feel like an observer but it’s really just all how you see them - as they are.

“Come back to bed,” you tell him in your morning scratchy voice and hook two fingers into the band of his boxer shorts to pull him closer.

He climbs back into bed and lays down next to you with the camera still clutched in his hand. He looks over at you, scanning your face before settling on your eyes. He then suddenly breaks eye contact with you to glance up above the two of you to set the camera facing down. He turns back to you and takes another moment to admire you before leaning in to kiss you. You hear the shutter of the camera going off in rapid succession and you dig your fingers into his beard, deepening the kiss.

#charlie hunnam #charlie hunnam fanfiction #will ironhead miller #will ironhead miller x you #william ironhead miller x reader #will ironhead miller x reader #william ironhead miller #gn!reader #gender neutral reader #gender neutral #will ironhead miller x gn!reader #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfiction #Spotify

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havethetimeofyourstyles · 4 years ago

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in which you’re prince harry’s personal bodyguard.

a/n: hi angels! i’m SO EXCITED to be finally sharing this story, and i’m really proud of this piece! like it’s genuinely one of my favorites i’ve ever written and one of my babies, so i can’t wait to hear what you all think! this story is inspired by gold rush by taylor swift, and this story immediately came to me once i heard the song. so, enjoy and please reblog and leave feedback!

thank you to my best beta and friend tina @sunflowers-styles and miss zoey @serendipitystyles who screamed with me when i just started writing it, ily both!

WORD COUNT: 24.7k of prince!harry x guard!yn (it’s gonna be a rollercoaster <3)

WARNINGS: ANGST (genuinely a lot of it), smut, mentions of death and disease

COME INTO MY INBOX AND LETS TALK ABOUT ‘SINKING SHIPS’ i’d love to know your thoughts!

pls rb to share! <3

.・。.・゜

‘Eyes like sinking ships

On waters so inviting

I almost jump in.’

With a slight groan, you were taken out of your slumber by the sunlight that was seeping through your curtains. The birds were chirping away quite loudly this morning—acting like there weren’t people who were sleeping at seven in the morning, but early birds get the worm, right?

You sat up, stretching your arms towards the ceiling as you let out an inhumane sound that was very ‘unladylike’ before freshening up in the restroom. After putting on your regular and daily uniform: black slacks, white crisp shirt with a black tie, and black formal shoes—you opted out on wearing a blazer since you were going to be out for most of the day—before you headed towards the kitchen that felt like miles away because the Royal House was huge.

The chefs were already up, bright and early, ready to feed the Royal family. The aroma of French toast and sautéed vegetables filled your senses, making your mouth water.

“Morning, everyone!” You greeted happily once you entered the kitchen.

“Goodmorning, Y/N!” The chefs welcomed you into their kitchen in sync. You softly smiled, walking over to the fruit basket at the edge of the marble counter, grabbing a banana and orange before walking over to the island and leaning your elbows on it as you watched the chefs cook.

You always loved watching them work on their art, it was quite mesmerizing—the way they sautéed the vegetables, tossing the contents into the air was always something you loved ever since you were young. They were always so proud and humble about their work, presenting it with a satisfied smile as satiated empty stomachs.

Suddenly, the side door opened, revealing Maria tugging on the wagon that carried basketfuls of fresh vegetables and fruits. You quickly walked towards her, grabbing the basket from the wagon to set it down on the counter. The baskets were always quite heavy, and you always made sure to help her out every morning since she wakes up at sunrise to pick out and wash the produce for the day.

“Thank you, my dear,” Maria said, smiling.

“Of course, Maria. These are beautiful.” You handpicked vegetables and fruits. “One day, I’ll wake up earlier to help you out in the morning, so you’re not all by yourself,” you suggested. Maria was like a mother to you, and you truly looked up to her ever since you started to remember things. You never really knew who your real mom was because she had passed away when you were just a year old, so you saw Maria as a motherly figure.

You remembered when you first visited the Royal House; your father, Josiah, used to be a stableman and would bring you to work with him every day, occasionally letting you ride on the horses with him if it was allowed. Josiah and Maria had a mutual liking towards one another, but neither of them had acted upon it. They had just simply acknowledged the fact they had feelings for one another. So, you were around Maria a lot, and it wasn’t forced because you genuinely took a liking towards her and she started becoming a female figure in your life that you never really had.

“Oh, you’re so sweet, but that’s not needed. I know how exhausting your day is, so get those few extra hours of sleep, okay?” She raised her brows at you, and you chuckled, nodding your head at her. “And besides, I’ve actually got some help…” she trailed off in suspense.

It was your turn to raise your brows at her. “Really? And who might that be?” A tint of pinkness hit Maria’s cheeks as she looked down, occupying herself by taking the produce out of the basket.

“Just…Nathaniel.”

“Nathaniel, really?”

“Yeah, he’s nice, yeah? Handsome. Funny. Kind,” she started to sound like she was convincing you, but you really didn’t need all that much convincing because you actually knew him.

“I know Nathaniel, but thanks for the little recap,” you joked, chuckling as Maria blushed. “So, do you like him?” You asked.

“I mean…I don’t know. Maybe,” she admitted shyly. You gave her an encouraging smile because you knew that she was only shy to confess the truth because she had been in love with your father.

“Good—that’s good. Well, if you are taking a liking towards him, don’t run away from your feelings,” you told her sternly as if you were the mother now. “You deserve to be happy and in love!”

“Suppose you’re right. I just feel…bad.”

“Don’t be. He would want you to be happy, I promise,” you reminded Maria.

You could definitely understand why she felt bad about the fact that she was interested in Nathaniel. Maria and Josiah were in love, once upon a time, but ever since your father passed away two years ago, due to his heart condition, it was difficult for Maria to move on from the love of her life. With regret wilting down on her face, she asked herself why she didn’t bother to do anything about her love for him, and she didn’t know if it was the right thing to do to be interested in someone else. However, you constantly reminded her that Josiah wanted you two to have a great life, containing a lot of love and laughter.

Looking at the wall clock above the chocolate brown cabinets, you realized that it was a bit past seven, so duties for the day were calling. You kissed Maria on the cheek, telling her that you’ll see her during lunch before bidding the rest of the staff goodbye as you headed out of the kitchen

Your clad black shoes clicked against the shiny and polished tiled floor, echoing the corridor of the Royal House as you walked towards the West Wing of the house; the staff and employees all lived on the East Wing, and it was quite a walk from one end to the other.

Knocking on the tall and heavy door, you heard absolute silence on the other side, which wasn’t abnormal. So, you knocked once more, hearing no movement before you allowed yourself inside of the bedroom of the Prince.

As you expected, he was sprawled out onto his large bed, too large for one person, with his curls covering his forehead. His mouth was slightly agape with puffs of breaths coming out as he was in deep sleep. You opened the long curtains, letting the sunshine enter his room before walking over to the side of his bed, placing the two fruits on his bedside table so he could fuel himself as he’s getting ready; you gently tapped him on the shoulder.

“Your Highness, It’s time to wake up,” you softly said. With no response, you shook his shoulder a bit harder to get him out of his deep slumber. “Your Highness, it’s past seven.”

The Prince groaned, eyes still closed as he began to writhe around the bed. You took a step back from the bed, waiting for him to wake up fully before greeting him. He buried his face into the pillow, refusing to budge, as an exhausted muffled groan came out of his mouth.

Once his eyes were fully open and he was aware of his surroundings and consciousness, he turned his head towards you, giving you a look as if to momentarily remember who you were; you gave him a smile to start off his day.

“Good Morning—agh!” You let out an unexpected squeal, cut off by the Prince’s large arms wrapped around your waist, bringing you down onto the bed with him. His lips immediately attacked your neck and face, peppering your skin with his affection. You laughed softly, trying to keep your voice down in case anyone heard you, but you couldn’t help it because it tickled. “Your Highness!” You pushed his body away from yours, and you knew he only pulled back because of the name you had called him.

He pouted, looking at you with puppy eyes. “I told you to stop calling me that, Princess,” he joked slightly.

You raised your brows, mouth slightly open as you playfully patted his chest. “And I told you to stop calling me that, Harry.”

“Then I’ll stop calling you that once you stop calling me ‘Your Highness,’” he said in a mocking tone before he raised his brows to see what you were going to respond with because he knew that you loved being called ‘Princess’ even if you were far from actually becoming one. You two would have these playful arguments on which nicknames to call one another, and ‘Princess’ and ‘Your Highness’ were both a bit of an inside joke now.

You simply just rolled your eyes. “Not fit to be a Princess.” Harry’s arms wrapped tighter around your waist as both of your heads rested against the same pillow. You loved mornings like these, and although it was unusual to be sleeping in different rooms, it had to happen under certain circumstances.

“You definitely are fit enough to be a Princess because you’ll be mine…soon…one day,” he lightened up the air, pressing a kiss to your cheek and forehead. “Perfect for me, I swear.” You smiled admiringly at the Prince, feeling incredibly grateful for him and his presence.

For five years, your love for him had only increased when you thought that your heart couldn’t get any bigger. But Harry somehow made it happen; he filled your beating organ with so much love and devotion, making you feel so overwhelmed with happiness that you felt like you could burst any minute. You’ve known Harry since you were a little girl, but you didn’t play with him much since you had to stay close to Josiah. But when you did, you two would always go riding together; it was an innocent and pure friendship, and even when you were younger, you would find yourself missing your friend, who just so happened to be the Prince of the country.

Five-year-old Y/N simply understood that he was a Prince, but you understood it just like the Disney movies. So, you and seven-year-old Harry would play Prince and Princess for fun. Every morning you would tell Josiah to dress you up in a pretty dress because your “Prince was waiting on the West Wing,” as you said.

As the years went by and you two played less of Prince and Princess, but you and Harry were still inseparable. He was your best friend—still is, and you couldn’t be more happy that you two had never drifted off into the fog that vanishes every afternoon.

With how close you were to Prince Harry, you realized you had feelings for him when you were thirteen, and it wasn’t until you were twenty when you two got together. Harry had told you that he’s liked you since he was seven, and fifteen years later, he finally had the balls to tell you. Typically for some, it wouldn’t be the most ideal relationship since your blood didn’t bleed royalty, but you’d rather have him in private rather than displaying your relationship to the entire world, especially his family.

The bubble that was his room, was your hideout. The sanctuary where you felt most comfortable because it was where he slept in, as his scent roamed around the room, making it feel like home. You loved how you immediately felt safe and calm when you opened his bedroom room door, especially when you saw him peacefully sleeping; it was your favorite thing to do.

Harry didn’t mind, either. He knew how brutal his family could be if they ever found out about your relationship with him, and no matter how much he wanted to shout his love for you from the top of his lungs to the world, they truly didn’t need that because the only people who were the most important in this relationship were you and Harry. As long as the two of you knew that you were in love with one another, that’s all that mattered.

He was there for you for most of your life, and with a clueless mind, you didn’t know where you would be without him when your father had died. Since Josiah was working for the Royal Family with your occasional help, you had thought the Queen and King were going to kick you out because you had no place or purpose staying in the Royal House. But luckily, Harry quickly proposed the idea of you being his personal bodyguard. Someone who just followed him around while making him seem less lonely because the other men that were his guards before rarely said a word to him when he was out.

The Dutch and Duchess, and especially the Queen, were a bit skeptical, but let him have his way to avoid any sort of resentment in the future. You were ecstatic and thanked him profusely for letting you stay at the Royal House, but he brushed it off, telling you that he would’ve asked a million times more until they said yes.

So, for two years now, you’d been Harry’s personal bodyguard, and you thought it was the easiest job. One, because even if you weren’t his bodyguard, you’d protect him with your life, putting yourself in front of him when chaos would come his way. Two, he made the job seem fun and it didn’t even seem like a job because you two laughed and messed around from time to time, not actually doing work. And three, who doesn’t love working with their partner?

“Is that a promise?” You tested him, seeing if he was willing to promise you that he was going to marry you. It didn’t seem possible if you were honest. Either he would have to run away from home or you two wouldn’t get married at all, and just stay together, which you wouldn’t mind either.

“That’s definitely a promise. You know me—don’t say shit just to say it,” he said, a smug smile on his face.

“Okay, well. Whenever that day comes, I’ll be waiting to become Mrs. Styles.”

“Princess Styles,” he corrected, and you breathed out a chuckle, shaking your head a tad bit as you surrendered your argument on him calling you that.

You snuggled closer to him, enjoying his presence and warmth; and for a moment, you had forgotten yours and Harry’s responsibilities for the day; you just enjoyed this small and quiet moment you two had together that only usually happened in the mornings. But you cherished them nonetheless.

Nearly drifting off to sleep, you jolted to stay awake. You looked at Harry to see him looking at you with a small but fond smile on his face, eyes gleaming ever so brightly as the sun gently cast its light through his window from above his bed.

You gave him a quick kiss to his lips and nose before getting out of his hold, earning a groan from him. You stood beside the bed, smoothing out any wrinkles that creased on your clothing.

“C’mon, we have so much to do today! Plus, we’ve already exceeded morning bedtime hours.” You grabbed his arm, tugging him towards the edge of the bed. He sighed, resisting as he pulled back.

“Don’t wanna do anything today. Just wanna lay in bed all day with my Princess.” His words came out muffled as he spoke into the pillow. Your cheeks heated up as you held his arm; you wished that you’d get the chance to spend the entire day with him, doing nothing instead of keeping a distance from him throughout the day. But alas, being with him for most of the day was still what you considered a wonderful day.

“Let’s go,” you softly insisted. You kneeled down onto the floor beside him, pecking his face all over. The left side of his face was smashed against the mattress, but you could see the smile forming onto his face as you kissed his cheeks. “Get up, dreamy.” You used your nickname on him, and you realized that was a bad idea since you were trying to get him out of bed.

Harry suddenly perked up, smirking before he turned around to lay on his back. He pulled your arm, hauling you to lay on top of him; you giggled once you landed on him, and he connected his lips with yours, kissing you passionately and sensually. Your legs were straddling him, and you unconsciously ground against his sleep pants, feeling his bulge grow harder and bigger. Harry softly moaned into your mouth, slightly bucking his hips upward towards your center.

You pulled away, about to tell him that you couldn’t do this right now, but once you saw his flushed face and swollen pink lips, not to mention his aching hard-on that was rubbing against your thigh, you decided against it.

And Harry knew you all too well to know that you were going to say something but held back. So, instead, he grimaced and wrapped his arms around your waist before trailing them down to your ass, giving it a squeeze over your pants.

“Think we got time for this?” He raised his brows teasingly at you, and you bit your lip.

Grinding your hips against him was your way of giving him your answer, your mouth met his ear as you whispered, “All the time in the world for you to fuck me.” You nibbled on his earlobe before moving your lips down to the spot under his ear, resulting in a moan slipping out of his mouth.

He flipped you two over, now his turn to hover over you. The Prince gave you a certain look that you knew all too well; it was a look of certainty like he had all the time in the world to have his way with you, and he definitely wasn’t going to shy away from it.

“Wanna feel me? Think you could handle me?” He challenged teasingly. His voice was low, raspy, and deep—much deeper now since it was morning and he’d just woken up. But the way he spoke sent a shiver down your neck, making you jerk, causing a mess in your panties.

“Know I could handle you. I’ve been handling you for years now,” you smirked. A flushed tint rose onto Harry’s cheeks; he always seemed to feel himself get giddy over the fact that you two had been together for years, and hearing it come out of your mouth made it much better.

“Let’s see about that.” He began to kiss down your neck and body as you relaxed into the pillow, completely enjoying his lips and body on you.

And just like all the other days, it was going to be a long morning. But the early birds get the worm, right?

Harry headed towards the dining room where his family was eating breakfast. They all looked up at him suspiciously, like they knew about his morning escapade with his Princess, and he was nearly gutted because they had gotten caught, but they simply just looked at him and continued eating.

“Morning everyone,” he relaxed, clearing his throat as he took his seat, unbuttoning his black suit jacket; a light pink button-down shirt clad on his tattooed torso. The servers that had been serving them for decades, Mariah and Deborah, poured him a tall glass of water and set down his mug of coffee. He thanked them, and they gave him a smile, always surprised to receive a ‘thank you’ in the Royal House. But Harry wasn’t snobby or arrogant, he had manners and was polite.

“A bit late to breakfast, Harry, and you didn’t show for morning tea,” the Queen herself had pointed out. Elaine hadn’t even made eye contact with him, she just continued eating as she sat at the head of the table.

Harry froze for a moment to look at his sister to see if she’ll help, but Gemma just raised her brows, not knowing how to back him up.

“Sorry, Nan. Couldn’t sleep last night, so I slept in a little bit,” Harry lied.

“Hmm, and where was that bodyguard of yours to wake you up? Isn’t she supposed to wake you?” She wondered, but by her tone, it was like she knew already; and Harry really hoped that wasn’t the case.

“Uh, yeah. She did, actually, and I told her to give me a moment. Guess that turned into forty-five…” he curled his lips in, containing the smirk that was begging to show through. His cheeks formed a tint, and he quickly grabbed his glass of water to cool down and to cover his flustered face.

The two of you had stayed in bed longer than anticipated, and when it was only supposed to be a quickie, Harry took his time with you the first round but decided to go two more rounds, fucking you hard until your teeth were biting the sheets and screaming into the pillow. You had to cover all of the marks that littered his neck, but the others that only you were able to see were casually resting under his clothes.

Harry shifted in his seat, remembering how your eyes looked up at him as you kissed down his body to wrap your lips around his cock. His mind was spiraling, immediately thinking filthy things your mouth and body could do to him; that was until Gemma had kicked his foot under the table that got him out of his head.

He looked at her, flicked his head at her, a way to ask ‘what was that for?’ She tilted her head towards the Queen as Elaine was still talking to Harry.

“Okay, just wanted to make sure she’s doing something right. If not, you let me know, and we’ll have her removed from the House,” she advised quite sternly.

“There’s no need for that, Nan. There hasn’t been a problem for the last two years she’s been my guard, so there certainly won’t be,” Harry explained quickly. He didn’t know if his eagerness sold his disagreement, or if it helped his case with his secret relationship with you. But he didn’t want you to leave his side, let alone, leave the House. He wanted you here, and if having you in private was the only way, where you two had to sneak around and kiss behind closed doors, then he didn’t mind that.

Elaine nodded, letting go of the subject before talking to the Dutch, Harry’s father, about some of the duties that needed to be completed today. Harry let out a sigh of relief once the Queen’s attention wasn’t on him anymore. He ate his breakfast in silence, thankful that the conversation he had with his grandmother didn’t go any further than a bit of scolding; he would say it was going to be a good day if they went a morning without Harry marching off early from breakfast.

Breakfast went on quickly after that, thankfully. Mariah and Deborah began to clean the table before setting up a few cups of coffee for his mother, father, and the Queen. Harry and Gemma excused themselves, saying they had a few things to do for the day before they quickly walked out of the kitchen.

The siblings rounded the corner and walked until they were far enough before Gemma spoke, not wanting their family to hear their conversation from the echo because of how large their home was.

“You really need to be careful, H—the both of you, I mean it. Staying in with Y/N can’t happen consistently—I feel like she’s starting to get suspicious. ” Gemma started. She had a concerned expression as the part in between her brows creased.

Harry sighed, nodding his head. “Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. We’ll try to be more careful. It’s just hard, y’know.”

“I understand. I get it, I really do,” Gemma sighed before chuckling as if a realization had popped into her head. “Hell, I’m doing the same thing, but I’m just better at hiding it,” she chuckled.” It was true; Gemma was in a relationship with one of the servers—Sebastian.

They’d been together for seven years, ever since she was twenty-three. She kept it a secret for three years until she decided to tell Harry, which of course, Harry was ecstatic to hear the news—only because he had just told his sister about his own relationship, which you two had only been together for a year at that time.

Gemma and Harry were supportive of one another, looking out and covering up for each other because at the end of the day, they were on the same side and in the same situation; neither of them wanted the other to get caught because there would be worse consequences coming from the Queen, and the two tried to avoid those said consequences as much as possible.

Naturally, Gemma loved you. You’d grown closer to her and seen her as a best friend, someone you could always go to and count on. The appreciation you had for her was vast, and you thanked her almost every day for how grateful you were that she was so supportive in your relationship with Harry.

“Thanks for kicking me back there, though. Didn’t need another morning where Nan flames my ass,” he scoffed, shaking his head slightly.

Gemma laughed. “Yeah, don’t know why she’s picking fights with you. She used to love you, wonder what changed,” she wondered, genuinely thinking what the cause may be.

“Don’t know what it is, but if you know, tell me because I can’t always eat my meals stressed because she’s always onto me.” Gemma giggled. “Anyways, gotta go. I’ll be at the charity event until late afternoon, and I gotta find my girl. I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you. I’ll wait for you to eat dinner, so you’re not alone. Have a good day, little brother, be safe.” The Styles siblings hugged, a nice and warm embrace that showed much appreciation and respect they had for the other.

“You as well, big sister.”

Harry walked in the opposite direction as Gemma, smiling to himself as his heart felt so full. He was lucky to have a sister that was so encouraging and caring, and he always made sure to give the same love back to her because she needed it. Their parents were always a bit strict on them, but he was sure they had to have gotten that attitude from the Queen—well, at least his father. His mother, Anne, was a sweetheart. For some odd reason, she didn’t show much love to her kids because of Elaine. When they were kids, Nan would always get on Anne’s case about how she shouldn’t show them much affection or treat them like babies because they needed to learn discipline and from their own mistakes.

Walking over to the East Wing and past the kitchen, Harry headed towards the living area, where some of the staff, including you, were hanging out, waiting for the Royal Family to finish their breakfast. One of his father’s guards immediately stood up, making the rest hastily stand up to greet the Prince.

“Your Highness…” The staff greeted in sync; the men bowed as the women curtsied as Harry stood in the doorway of the living room. His eyes found yours, watching you curtsy; and on your way up, your head perked up, shyly smirking at him. Harry’s heart flipped as he puckered his lips to the side, containing his smile; you two would always laugh about these kinds of greetings, and sometimes Harry would greet you the same way because after all, were his Princess. He wasn’t one to be formal with greetings, and if it were up to him, he would tell the entire staff to stop greeting him like that, but he didn’t make the rules around here.

“Goodmorning, everyone,” he greeted back. “Hope everyone has a great day. I should get going, though. Y/N?” He looked at you and slightly raised his brows. You walked across the living room and past him, standing before him before making sure to give him a smile. He bid everyone goodbye before you two walked alongside one another.

The two of you headed towards the large front door in silence. You occasionally glanced up, but quickly averted your eyes towards the path, and Harry was also looking at you through his peripheral vision, smiling to himself as he saw how many times you glanced up at him. The silver Rolls Royce was waiting for the both of you at the end of the steps with the back door open with his driver, Benjamin, holding the door open. Harry gestured for you to get into the car first like the gentleman that he was.

“Hi, Benjamin,” you greeted the middle-aged man with a smile.

“Hello, Y/N,” he responded, tilting his hat down.

“Thank you, Benjamin,” Harry shook his hand appreciatively. Benjamin had been Harry’s driver for the past ten years. He used to be his father’s driver, but when Harry grew older and was able to go to events and out on his own, they assigned Benjamin to be Harry’s driver.

“You’re welcome, Prince Harry,” he slightly bowed before closing the door after Harry slipped into the car.

Benjamin drove to the facility where the charity event was held. The privacy compartment screen between the driver and back seat was up; the fancy car seemed more like a movie theater with so much leg space and a middle console between the seats with a blank privacy screen in front of you. It screamed expensive, and Rolls Royce was the company that helped the Royal Family get from point A to point B as their entire underground garage was filled with these types of vehicles.

You and Harry had about half an hour to chat and touch one another, so you unclicked your seatbelt, quickly moving towards his seat. He smiled, unclicked his seatbelt before letting you half-sit on his lap, your legs rested on his thighs, and he pulled the seatbelt over the both of you and clicked the metal buckle before pulling the seat belt strap behind him so it wouldn’t get in your way.

A sigh came out of both of your mouths, enjoying this moment that felt short, but was cherished. You cuddle into his side, resting your head against his shoulder as his arms were tightly wrapped around you. You could feel his heart pounding through his chest, and you enjoyed the sound, knowing it was maintaining a steady heartbeat for you.

Harry kissed your forehead, lips delicately brushing across your skin, making you flustered. You looked up at him as he smiled down at you, the two of you smiling like idiots before he took his lips in with yours.

“What’s it like to grow up always being so beautiful?” He suddenly asked, very charmingly, might you add. He couldn’t get enough of you and how stunning you looked every single day; no matter how much you disagreed with him, he always thought you were the most gorgeous person on this Earth.

You smiled, looking, and studying his face. Some strands of his hair had fallen into place against his forehead; you pushed them back, softly kissing his forehead.

“Could say the same for you. You always have a beautiful heart and a lovely face.” You grazed his jaw with your thumb, his stubble scratching against your finger.

A breathy chuckle fell from his lips. “Love you, my Princess. Dream girl, I swear.”

“And I love you, Your Highness. Love you like crazy,” you softly giggled, kissing his jaw. “How was breakfast, by the way?”

“The usual. Gemma said Nan is starting to get suspicious, so we have to be careful, can’t have too many mornings in,” he explained sadly. You slightly pouted, but quickly covered up your sad expression with a neutral face, not wanting to make him feel bad because he had no control over his grandmother.

“Okay…” you agreed, nodding your head.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” he said genuinely. “Know this is hard, but we’ll figure it out, alright?” His hand cupped your cheek, gently caressing your soft skin as he looked deeply into your eyes. His green eyes held an immense amount of care and love, just like his heart, and just being in his view of vision was an honor enough.

You nodded, blinking back the tears that had quickly formed. “I know we will. Don’t mind having you to myself, though,” you chuckled. The corners of his lips turned up as his dimple popped out. You took your finger and poked his dimple, something you had been doing ever since you were younger.

“I don’t mind it either, but sometimes the sneaking around sucks, doesn’t it?” His brows slightly furrowed, clear frustration expressed on his face. You took your thumb and smoothed out his stressed and wrinkled forehead, and he immediately relaxed.

“It does, but if that’s what it takes for me to be with you, then that’s how it’s gonna be.”

Harry deeply sighed, resting his head against your neck. You lifted your head up, so he had more room to perfectly fit against you as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. Butterflies soared in your stomach once you felt his lips against your neck, pressing soft and gentle kisses to your skin. After all these years, his touch still made you giddy while goosebumps rose on your skin. His kisses didn’t lead to anything more as they simply spoke the words of admiration and gratitude.

“Hmm, don’t deserve you,” he mumbled against your skin.

“Yeah, you do. Deserve love and happiness more than anything, and if I’m the one to provide it to you, then that’s all I need in life.” He pulled his head back, coming face-to-face with you now as your words had really meant something. Your hand grazed his cheek, feeling his soft but yet somewhat stubbled skin.

“I love you so much. Genuinely think my heart is going to explode full with my love for you.” He took your hand that was on his face in his, giving the back of your hand a kiss before placing your palm against his heart. You felt his heart beating fast, hard, and it was all for you. “You have my heart in the palm of your hand.” His actions were literal, and you loved how he always had a way with his words. “Full of love for and from you.”

You smiled, leaning forward to kiss him as your hand was still against his chest. For the rest of the car ride, you two relished in one another’s touch; it felt nice to be with one another outside of the Royal House where you didn’t have to hide behind corners or in secret passageways.

When the car came to a smooth stop, you quickly unclicked the seat belt and got off of Harry, giving him a peck to his lips before situating yourself in your own seat. Benjamin opened Harry’s door and you let yourself out on your own side, quickly jogging around the car to stand next to Harry.

A line of Rolls Royces were parked behind the vehicle you were in previously, and five guards, including you, were surrounding Harry as you all walked inside of the banquet room. You were standing in front of Harry, between two guards, while the other two were slightly behind the Prince, making sure he was safely boxed in between you all.

Quite a few gasps were let out once people saw who had just walked in, and the volume in the room had increased. People were starting to walk towards you all, bowing and curtsying to the Prince as he said his hellos to everyone. Straight ahead, you noticed a woman running towards you, and you knew that wasn’t safe at all, considering this was a children’s charity event and you had the Prince right behind you.

“Prince Harry-” her arms reached forward and she gained a little air, jumping a tad bit, but you had immediately stopped her, making sure she did no harm to the royalty.

“Ma’am, please step back,” you stood in front of her like a brick wall, pushing her slightly as she stumbled back a bit. Her face had gone red, stepping aside; Harry softly smiled at her, waving his hand. You turned around briefly to see if Harry was okay, and a small smile appeared on his face, nodding at you to proceed.

The group of guards walked Harry to one of the tables a group of kids were sat at. Harry told the guards that he was okay and that they could stand back until he was ready to leave. The four guards, including you, separated along the wall behind the Prince.

You observed the room, noticing that there were a few photographers, clicking away at the charity event, making sure they get Prince Harry in their shot, along with volunteer workers and some parents at the event with their phones out, snapping pictures of him. You watched Harry interact with the children, helping them build legos with an enthusiastic smile on his face; he would high-five them, telling them that they did an amazing job building the ship before taking his phone out and snapping a picture of the wonderful sets the kids had built.

Your heart warmed at the sight, and you couldn’t help but think about Harry being the father of your children because he would be the best dad; he would treat them so sweetly, spoil them rotten, and support them in letting them be whoever they’d like to be. A sudden warmth hit your face as you curled your lips into your mouth, hiding your smile—you suddenly thought about being pregnant and how Harry would be so gentle with you as he touched and kissed your stomach.

With your leg shaking as you stood, you were getting jitters as you daydreamed. One of the guards noticed that you couldn’t stand still, so he slightly nudged your shoulder with his, bringing you out of your pleasant daydream. You looked up at Earl, raising your brows before he asked if you were okay. You nodded your head, standing straighter and placing your arms behind your back, interlocking your hands as you continued to watch how Harry’s smile brightened up while playing with the children.

Harry absolutely loved charity events, not because they gave him good press but because every time he had gone to one, he would forget that there were cameras around him. Being and spending time with the kids had made him so happy, and the children seemed to enjoy their time with him as well, so that’s all that mattered to him.

The charity event was being hosted by a foundation that helped kids who lacked a certain connection with their youthfulness because their parents didn’t have the money to get their kids toys or bring them to amusement parks. The foundation was a non-profit organization that simply organized donations to be used towards the children. They hosted toy drives every month, picnics every other Saturday, and sometimes Disney trips every six months if they reached their donation goal.

Harry was all for donating to them, and this foundation was one of the five organizations for children that he was a member of and was very active with them throughout. He was very passionate about helping the children out, and he wanted them to have a nice childhood, helping them outweigh the good from the bad. His natural liking towards kids in general very much helped him easily bond with them.

After a few hours, making sure every child got his attention, he was ready to leave. He didn’t leave without saying a small speech because it was expected; thanking everyone for donating and supporting this foundation, and he also thanked the kids for playing with him, which he earned many cheers from the young ones.

Once he got off stage, he made eye contact with you, telling you that he was ready, and you headed towards him, the other guards followed after you. Just like you arrived, the guards boxed Harry in safely as he bid everyone goodbye. Everyone waved as a series of farewells were scattered across the room, sad to see the Prince go. Once you all were outside the venue, Benjamin was waiting by the passenger door. From the three hours Harry had been at the event, news had spread out like wildfire that the Prince was attending the event, so there was a swarm of paparazzi waiting outside the venue.

The box of guards that were surrounding Harry closed in tighter since you had to get through the crowds. Harry, being the polite prince that he was, said hi to everyone as they reached out to hold his hand. But he rarely let anyone touch him because of an incident he had six months ago when he had reached over to shake someone’s hand, but they had taken advantage of the opportunity and harshly yanked him forward, making him stumble. Being frightened by that, he informed his guards to not let anyone touch him after that. He wasn’t being obnoxious or a typical ‘no one can touch me because I’m the Prince’ kind of guy, it was simply for his safety. You absolutely hated that someone was out to hurt him, and it pained you to see how shaken up he was that day. If the Prince had actually gotten hurt that day, there would be massive consequences for that person, but anyone would risk their lives to feel his touch.

Once you were close to Benjamin, Harry let you get into the car first, but Benjamin stopped you. With a confused look on your face, you asked if everything was okay while Harry asked if there was something wrong. Benjamin leaned down to whisper in Harry’s ear, and you furrowed your brows, suddenly becoming suspicious as you watched them. Benjamin pulled back and Harry deeply sighed, shaking his head.

“Y/N is my personal guard, though,” Harry mentioned.

“Yes, but this was a direct message from the Queen herself. I’m only delivering the message, Your Highness. I don’t want to lose my job if I don’t comply,” Benjamin explains sadly. There was clear stress on his face, saddening him that he has to go against the Prince’s orders, but he couldn’t afford to lose his job when he has a family. And besides, it’s the Queen—everyone follows her orders.

“Okay. Thank you, Benjamin,” Harry said, and Benjamin bowed.

Harry turned towards you, leaning down to whisper into your ear just as Benjamin did to him. “Nan said that I have to take one of the other guards to ride back to the House with me. Specifically said, ‘Have the other guard come back with Harry, don’t care who it is.’ She told Benjamin that she wouldn’t be happy if he’d let us ride together. Fuckin’ ridiculous.” Harry pulled back, rolling his eyes. You simply nodded, knowing you couldn’t comfort him in any way since you were still in public, so you moved out of the way and stepped aside.

Harry gave you a quick smile before turning his head to one of the guards, asking if he could join him. They quickly said yes, and safely got into the car. The rest of the guards waited until the car door was closed before walking towards the cars they arrived in. You slipped into the car, the one you didn’t arrive in, as you watched the one with your Prince inside drive away and towards the Royal House.

Sighing, you looked out the window and watched the road and houses pass by. The Queen had never really taken a liking to you—never really made the effort to talk to you. You were the closest person to Harry, physically, since you were his bodyguard, but all she had ever done was question your actions when you’d been doing your job correctly, according to the instructions and demands from Prince Harry.

But the worry and anxieties had increased because Elaine had become more suspicious than she was last year. Had she found out about your relationship with the Prince? You two had been doing well at hiding it besides this morning. And you had been good, denying Harry’s wishes to stay in up until this morning. But every day, it got more difficult hiding your love and affection towards the Prince. The word ‘no’ coming from his beautiful mouth as he would stare at you with those captivating emerald green eyes as he would plead to spend more time with him in his comfortable bed; the word completely vanished from your head.

You wished the situation was different, but for now, you only hoped that things would get better from here.

Once the car was parked in front of the large cemented steps that led up to the front door of the Royal House, Harry sighed, thanking Benjamin for driving him as well as Nico for accompanying him on the ride back. They both bowed, saying ‘you’re welcome’ before Harry let himself out and up those steps. Benjamin quickly reminded him that the Queen would like to see him when he arrived home, making Harry dread the conversation.

He walked slowly towards the front door that was opened by two of the front gate guards. Saying a quick ‘hello’ to them, he walked towards the Queen’s lair, where she always prevailed when she said she needed to have a conversation with someone.

The hallway leading to the double doors always made Harry anxious, ever since he was a little boy. He hated how dimly lit the hallway always was, and he never understood why she never wanted to put lights in this hallway. Probably to match her heart, Harry thought, but immediately took back the thought because he shouldn’t think that way about his grandmother, better yet, the Queen.

Taking a deep breath, his shaky hand knocked on the door, hearing ‘Enter’ from the Queen from inside, and Harry opened the door. His grandmother was sitting at her large desk chair that was lined like a gold antique frame and was drinking tea out of her teacup that was passed down from generations.

“Your Majesty,” Harry bowed, greeting his Nan. She placed her teacup down onto the small plate, placing her hand out to indicate him to sit down in the chair on the other side of the desk. There were no greetings, not a word out of her when he had entered, and now, she was staring at her grandson with snake eyes, ready to attack.

Harry gulped, hands fidgeting in his lap as he sat straight up so she didn’t point out any more of the things he was doing wrong.

“How was the charity event, Harry?” She suddenly asked, breaking her silence.

“Uh, good. Had a lot of fun with the children.”

“Good, good. Anyways, I should get to the point with this, hmm?” She raised her brows as she asked her question as a genuine one. Harry’s face remained neutral, slightly nodding. “I called you in here because I wanted to tell you a bit of news that I found out earlier this week…” she trailed, taking a deep breath before she revealed her news. “I found out that I’m dying. I have a tumor in my brain, and the doctors have found it too late. They gave me the option to have surgery where they would try to take it out, but that would lead to very risky complications that I can’t afford. So, I told them that I would hold out.”

Harry was shocked. His mouth was open, eyes wide, and speechless. Not knowing how to process this new information, he couldn’t believe how casual her tone was when she told him, even her face remained calm like she expected this to happen.

“I, uh…Nan…”

“I’ve been preparing for this—I’m getting older, so this was bound to happen already. I’m making sure the kingdom and our country are safe, and I’m making sure your parents are ready for the job they are about to accept.”

Harry nodded, eyes welling up. “H-How much longer do you have?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Doctors said six months to a year, but that could change anytime. We just don’t know.” Harry exhaled deeply, looking down at his lap. He felt as if his heart was heavy as he listened to her talk about her disease—how okay she was with dying. Sure, now, he and Nan don’t get along very well, but once upon a time, they were closer than ever. The Queen absolutely loved her grandson and was always so sweet and gentle with him, but things quickly changed when he turned twenty-two. The older you get, the more distant they become, he thinks. He sighed, wishing it wasn’t like that.

“I do have a wish from you…before I go.”

“Anything,” he answered immediately, and he had wished he hadn’t answered so soon because the words that came out of her mouth next was his worst nightmare.

“I would like to see you get married while I’m still alive. I’m arranging a gala this weekend and I’d like you to meet some people, you know, you can take your pick or whatnot,” she said with an emotionless face. He always disliked how much she lacked enthusiasm or emotion, and how she talked about things so casually.

Elaine picked up her pen, writing out Thank You cards that she was sending to some people in the village.

“I…what?”

“Might I need to repeat that again?” She raised her brows annoyingly, hating when she needed to repeat herself.

“I can’t do that…”

“And why not?” She asked sternly, her change of voice had surprised Harry as she slapped her pen down onto the wooden desk.

“Because…” This was it; he could easily out his relationship with you, tell her the truth, and it would be over with, but he didn’t because he knew that you weren’t ready for what was to happen after. Besides, you would have to know if he was going to tell her the truth, so Harry couldn’t go behind your back. “I don’t wanna meet someone at the gala just to get married right away. What happened to falling in love?” He questioned.

Elaine scoffed, waving her hand. “Falling in love, that’ll happen when? Never? I’m gonna be gone, Harry. You’d rather fall in love in a year’s time rather than fulfill your grandmother’s wish?” Her voice started to increase, echoing, and bouncing off the walls of her office. Harry started to shake his legs anxiously from the volume of her voice and the idea that she proposed, absolutely hating it.

The Queen had guilt-tripped him into marrying someone; she had used her disease and lifetime time limit so she could get what she wanted. Elaine knew full well he was going to obey her wishes because that’s how Harry was—he didn’t want anyone to feel bad and he certainly didn’t want it to come from him. She would ask Gemma, but she had much thicker skin than her brother, so she would turn the idea down faster than Elaine would be able to get it out. But Harry, on the other hand, was much easier to get to.

“Harry, I’m only asking for one thing. When have I ever asked you for anything major?” She crossed her arms, resting them down on the desk. “This is my dying wish. Wouldn’t you want your wish to be-”

“Okay,” he interrupted. His voice was soft as he didn’t dare to look her in the eye as he spoke.

“Great, it’s settled. Make sure to get your fittings done before the weekend. You have to look your best.” Harry didn’t have to look at her to know that she was absolutely beaming, knowing that she got what she wanted and didn't try hiding her excitement. “Please close the door on your way out.”

Harry stood up slowly as he was in disbelief. Walking out of her office and closing the door, he started to breathe heavily. Tears were in his eyes and his chest felt heavy as his hands started to shake. He picked at his fingers to calm the shakiness down, but it didn’t work. Walking down the hallway, he rushed towards his room, not even checking to see if you had arrived yet, but he couldn’t face you, not yet. He had just agreed to marry someone that wasn’t you, and you were bound to be upset—he would be suspicious if you weren’t. How was he going to break this news to you? Hell, he didn’t even know how to process this himself.

All he knew was that this was not going to end well.

Hours later, you were wandering around the house, wondering where your Prince could be. You hadn’t seen him since you left the banquet hall earlier this afternoon; and Benjamin had told you he was to meet with the Queen once he had gotten home, but as the hours went by, you hadn’t heard or seen him.

Quickly walking over to the West Wing, you headed towards his room because that was the last place you hadn’t checked. You walked by some of the guards and maids, saying a quick ‘hello’ to them as you passed by; it wasn’t odd for any of the staff to see you heading towards the Prince’s room because you had done it many times and Harry had instructed you, in front of the staff, that if you ever needed to see him, you could knock on his door.

So, that’s what you did; you knocked on his door, waiting for a word from the other side, but you heard no movement whatsoever. You had checked the entire Royal House from top to bottom, but he was nowhere to be found, so he had to be in his room. You took a look around if anyone was near and once you saw the second floor was empty, you slowly opened the bedroom door of the Prince’s room. And what you saw was as if a tornado had hit his room; a mess was what described his room perfectly as objects were thrown all across the floor, the bed was unmade, chairs and sofa were flipped upside down, and the mirror was cracked in half, leaving shards of glasses on the dresser.

You slowly walked in, afraid that someone other than Harry might be in his room, and had purposefully trashed it. There was light coming from his bathroom, so you walked towards the light, slowing your steps so your shoes wouldn’t squeak against the polished and shiny tiles.

“Harry?” You softly called out. By now, he would have come out because you were the only one allowed in his room without permission, so you were starting to get worried.

Once you were close to the restroom, you started to hear sobs echoing the bathroom, filling the room with soft and quiet heartbreaking sounds, making your heart drop because you knew those cries and you knew exactly who they came from. When you were inside the bathroom, you saw Harry sitting against the wall, arms leaning on his knees as his face was resting on his arms as Harry cried and sobbed.

Seeing the love of your life in pain and in such anguish, it genuinely felt as if your heart was tearing into pieces or if someone had ripped your heart out and stomped on it. The pain that Harry endured was also felt through your heart as well because he was your soulmate, you both felt everything the other felt.

You kneeled beside him, gently calling out for his name once more so he knew that you were right beside him before you placed your hand on his shoulder. Harry didn’t have to look up to know that it was you—your touch, your voice, and your presence before leaning to the side and into your arms, sobbing into your chest uncontrollably. You quickly wrapped your arms around his shoulders, comforting him in the best way that you knew how, and that was to simply hold him.

He liked being held and it made him feel at ease, made his mind shut out the noise. You would simply hold him for the rest of your life if your life depended on it, and if that meant keeping him calm and at peace, then you didn’t mind.

You ran your hand through the locks of his hair, scratching his scalp and pushing his hair out of his face. You kissed his forehead, giving him many pecks in a way to comfort him. Harry roughly coughed and sniffled; you could feel his heart beating radically, so you smoothed your hand down his back, somewhat rocking him in your arms. You knew he wasn’t a baby, you knew that, but if it worked with crying babies, then it must work with adults too. And besides, who didn’t like to be held while crying?

To your credit, it had worked; Harry was calming down and his heartbeat wasn’t out of control. He looked up at you through his glassy eyes, sniffling; he looked defeated, and you hated that you weren’t there when he was breaking down because it must have gone on for hours. There were visible tears that stopped against the crevice of his nose, so you took your hand and wiped his tears away before kissing his nose.

Harry sat up, sitting against the wall as he was before you came in. Propping his knees up, you moved to sit in front of him, in between his legs, so he could know that you were there for him and that he had your full attention. He grabbed your hands, sadly kissing them but in a way, saying ‘thank you’ for comforting him and making him feel better just by your hold. You rubbed his hands with your thumb, gently caressing his skin as you patiently waited for him to talk to you.

He took a very deep breath as if it physically pained him to breathe before he spoke, wishing the words that came out of his mouth were a sick joke, but it wasn’t—nothing that came out of the Queen’s mouth was a joke.

“I spoke with my grandmother earlier…” he began to tell you that she had brain cancer and that she wasn’t going to do anything about it, just live the rest of her life until she couldn’t anymore. Your face saddened as Harry explained, simply just listening to him as he spoke. You placed one of your hands around his neck, playing with the curls that sat on the back of his neck.

“Bub, I’m so sorry to hear that.” You leaned forward, kissing his cheek before giving you a hug. He wrapped his arms tightly around you, taking in your scent and comfort; he felt better for the time being—before he had to tell you the other part. A new set of tears streamed down his face, unable to hide his emotion now.

Once you pulled away, you softly wiped his face with your hand before he spoke again. “Sadly, that’s not the news that I’m crying over.”

Raising your brows, you looked at Harry with a surprised expression, wondering what got him so sad to trash his room and breakdown in the corner of the bathroom.

“Oh…W-What is it?” You hesitated.

You listened, watching his mouth as he spoke. Every ounce of hope had disappeared from your body as Harry explained the situation that he was in, that you were in. He cried, unable to be coherent as possible as his sobs won over his ability to speak a full and proper sentence. It genuinely felt like you were asleep like this was a dream, more of a nightmare. As if all of the plans and dreams you had patiently waited for was thrown out the window in a world record time of a minute, maybe less. The color from your face had completely drained, leaving you shocked, appalled, and hurt. Every word was just another twist of the knife that went straight to your heart as you wished his words would get better to relieve the strong and harsh ache in your chest, but they didn’t.

Wake up, please, wake up, you told yourself, but this was reality. It was real.

Silence had washed over you two after Harry was done explaining the horrible news. The silence was louder than glass shattering, loud and pitchy. Contrasting to the silence outside of your head that laid between you and Harry, the inside of your mind, your world, was similar to the glass, breaking and crumbling into pieces with one hard hit of the enemy.

“I-I’m sorry, baby. I should’ve said something, anything. But instead, I said yes,” Harry bawled through his words.

“Are we…over?” You asked nervously. The lack of eye contact you were giving him only pained him, but he knew how difficult it was to say that. He took your face into his hands, tenderly cradling your sad but beautiful face.

“No,” he immediately disagreed. “I mean, not if you don’t want it to be. I understand why you would, though—didn’t even fight for you. Please, let me fix this. I’ll talk to her, tell her everything. She can’t make me do this, I have a right to my own words and decisions, right?” You stayed silent. Harry understood why you were quiet as you were still taking in this information and how to process that your boyfriend was to be married in the next few months, but he really needed to hear your voice. He needed the reassurance from you because you always seemed to know the right words, but he knew you needed him more. “Princess, please look at me.” His voice was shaky, and you glanced up at him through your lashes. “I’m gonna fix this, okay? Not gonna let her walk all over me again. I love you, and it’s time for her to know that.”

You nodded briefly, not able to get the right words out. Harry didn’t mind; he took you into his arms, wrapping his strong and tattooed arms around your shaking and frightful body.

He held you tight as you both sat on the floor of his bathroom, pretending that everything was going to be okay. But in reality, neither of you knew if it really would be.

The weekend had come by too quickly for Harry’s liking. He didn’t get the chance to have a moment with the Queen because she was busy with handling errands for the gala; from talking to event coordinators, caterers, and floral arrangements, so she hadn’t gotten a moment to sit down unless it was nighttime. Harry practically felt her negligence towards him, always telling him she’d talk to him later, which left Harry feeling defeated because the more she ignored him, the quicker the days had gone by—closer to the gala.

And to his dislike, it was the morning of the gala, something he had been dreading ever since Elaine had told him she was hosting one. It felt like his world was crumbling; he noticed your demeanor change—how could it not. Things weren’t the same, and they weren’t going to be the same again until he got himself out of the unwanted arranged marriage that the Queen was putting him upon.

You didn’t mean to act differently around Harry, your boyfriend, or whatever this meant for your relationship, but it was difficult to act like your normal self. You sought comfort from Maria as she told you that this wouldn’t be the last of you two; she had a gut feeling it wouldn’t be.

You had always imagined getting married to him as you two would excitedly talk about marriage and how life would be when you were husband and wife. But Harry was soon to be meeting his wife, and you had to be in the same room as him, possibly feet away from him when he did so. Your heart ached, dropping to your stomach as you felt sick to your gut every time you thought about it.

You were wearing your usual attire but you added a black corset over your white shirt and a black blazer since the gala was a more formal event. Standing in front of the large bedroom doors, you closed your eyes for a mere second, taking a deep breath before knocking, entering right after.

Upon your eyes was Harry standing on the block square step in front of the mirror that was placed in the corner of his bedroom. His seamstress sewing the crystals that were loose on his embellished jacket that he paired with white trousers. The gold buttons on the front of his jacket were engraved with his initials, adding a touch of personalization to his attire; along with his white lace gloves, white pearl necklace, and cross pendant.

He looked absolutely marvelous, rightfully so, and you couldn’t take your eyes off him no matter how heartbroken you were.

His eyes caught yours in the mirror, widening before turning around to face the seamstress. “Jaylin, I think we’re good, yeah?” He asked, hoping she wouldn’t find any more flaws in his suit.

“Yes, we are. Have a great time at the gala, Your Highness,” she curtsied, grabbing her supplies before heading out the door. You greeted her on her way out, and you earned a smile from her.

The click of the door was heard, indicating that it was just the two of you in his room. Usually, you would take advantage of being alone with him, but again, things were different this time around.

Harry stepped off the step, slowly walking towards you. His eyes never left yours, piercing through you like fire, and you were going to melt.

“Hi, beautiful,” he greeted softly, looking you up and down. You slightly grinned, looking down at your feet.

“Hi, Your Highness.”

He placed two fingers under your chin, lifting your head up. You looked at him with doe eyes, and he couldn’t help but fall in love with you even more with just your stare.

“You look gorgeous,” he complimented. Leaning forward, he was about to place a kiss on your lips, but you felt his hesitancy as he pulled away. He hadn’t felt your touch, your lips in what seemed like years; completely deprived of your touch, but it’d only been a few days.

“Thank you. You look wonderful as always.” You grabbed the edge of his jacket, tugging on it to straighten out the material before smoothing your hand over his shoulder and down his arms. Harry sucked in a breath; that was the most you’d ever touched him in days, and he was cherishing every second of it because reality had hit him, and this could possibly be the last time you were ever going to touch him.

You sighed, pulling back as you crossed your arms behind you. Harry could tell that you had a million thoughts racing in your head and you were wary of saying them, but nothing you could say would scare him; he was already faced with his biggest nightmare.

He walked towards you, taking your hands in his. The softness of your hands juxtaposed to the slight roughness of his that carried multiple heavy rings on his slender fingers.

“Hey, I’m gonna fix this, alright? I’m telling her tonight, and I promise that I’m gonna be yours forever, no matter what happens,” he reassured, looking ever so deeply into your eyes so you would get the message. His eyes had captured yours, putting you under his spell, so you nodded and believed him. Harry sighed in relief, thankful that you trusted him. “I actually got you something.” He let go of your hands, walking over to his dresser before pulling out a square box from the drawers.

Harry was always one to give, always the giver and he loved giving without expecting anything in return. Throughout your relationship, he would always buy you random but sentimental things that he saw at the shop simply because it reminded them of you. The thought was incredibly sweet and you loved the fact that even when you weren’t around him, he was still thinking of you.

He opened the box, revealing a pearl necklace that had a gold anchor in the middle. It was a necklace that you had thought of getting to match the tattoo that was inked next to your right breast. You and Harry had gotten complimentary tattoos the second year of your relationship, and he proudly got a ship tattoo on his left arm as well as an anchor on his wrist to match with you. Harry was your anchor; he kept you upright. He was the backbone of your ship, helping you slow down whenever you needed a break.

“You were secretly eyeing this when we visited that farmer’s market a few months ago. And since I couldn’t go and get this by myself since you’re always with me, I asked Gemma if she could get it for me. Hope this was the one you were talking about,” he explained shyly as he held the box open for you.

You were speechless as your heart fluttered. “Harry…” Your fingers delicately grazed the necklace, studying and feeling his gold chain; it was the exact same one you saw at the market.

“Do you like it?”

“Yes, I do—I love it.” You softly smiled up at him. “D-Do you mind putting it on me?” He immediately nodded, taking the necklace out of his case, and you turned around, slowly pulling your hair to the side.

Harry unclasped the necklace; the small skin on the back of your neck was exposed to him, so he leaned down, placing a small kiss on your skin. The action sent shivers down your spine, but you took the touch that you’d been starved of. He put the necklace on as it sat perfectly against your collarbone; and Harry wrapped his arms around your waist, taking in your delicious scent. You felt extremely warm as if you were standing in the courtyard and the sun was casting its light right down your spine, providing you warmth. You placed your arms on top of his, hugging him to yourself as he rested his face against the crook of your neck, tenderly kissing your skin.

A deep sigh of relief was released from your lips as you let loose in his hold. His arms were a place you wanted to be in forever; it was a place where you found security and comfort, and the thought of leaving, a chance to never be in his arms, had never once crossed your mind.

You turned around in his arms, facing him as you wrapped your arms around his neck, mindlessly playing with the small curls that sat so effortlessly on his neck.

“Thank you for the necklace, I truly love it,” you sincerely said, reaching up to place a small chaste kiss on his lips. Your lips against his had made Harry’s stomach flip, and he couldn’t bear to hide the smile that made you fall so hard for him.

“You’re welcome, my love.”

“Do you mind…fixing my corset? It’s a bit loose.” You offered him a smile, and he nodded. You took off your blazer before he reached behind you to untie the knot that you had tried to make look decent.

“I love you, you know that, right?” You suddenly asked as Harry pulled the strings tighter, making you take a big breath in before he started to tie them smoothly without the need to look if he’s doing it correctly; he’s tied your corset for you so many times already that it was all muscle memory.

“Yeah, I do know that,” he nodded, looking deeply into your eyes. You had practically felt Harry’s doubts and insecurities of your love deep through because of the news that he broke to you the other day. And you figured you weren’t being a good enough girlfriend to him and failing to remind him that you loved him and it wasn’t his fault for everything that’s happening. “You know I love you as well, yes?”

You raised your brows at him, nodding. “Mhm. Just wanted to see if you knew.”

He chuckled, finishing up the knot. “Yeah, I know.”

He placed his hands on your hips, and you leaned to give him a kiss to thank him as well as just to kiss him lovingly, something you two hadn’t done in days. Giving you a smile, he was going to go in for another one, but a knock was heard on the door, making you two pull away quickly.

That knock on the door only meant that the car was ready and that Harry should be heading to the gala now. That knock only meant that it was time to face his future—the future that was going to fight for, the one that he wanted and not the Queen.

That knock only indicated that it would be determined if he was to live with or without you, and there’s no way in hell he was living without you.

Elaine had definitely gone all out with this gala, Harry thought. It was held in a museum that was closed due to the Queen’s personal favors and demands.

When a guest entered the gala, they were immediately caught with the gold antique lining on every end of the wall; the high crystal chandeliers reflected off the gold and illuminated the room even further, bouncing off the shiny and polished floors. Long champagne color curtains were draped in front of each window with a historical gold statue pushed up against the window. The dome-shaped ceiling was high, painted to tell the story of the Renaissance. When a guest entered the gala, they were welcomed with elegance, grace, and exquisiteness, prepared to have a gold evening that would only end in secret affairs and tragic events.

You led Harry through the room, many guests greeting him with such poise as they tried to get his very best impression. With suits looking sharp and dresses were extra flowy, they bowed and curtsied as Harry politely said his greetings to them.

Many of the guests had been mentally and physically prepared to have a proper conversation with Prince Harry, and hopefully get a chance with him on the dance floor, if he allowed it. Everybody wondered what it would be like to walk into the building with Prince Harry on their arm, how they would flaunt and brag about how they arrived with him.

During galas and balls like these, the guards were instructed to be present, to be aware, so they didn’t need to always be close to the Royal Family. Once you got an approving nod and smile from Harry, you left him be; guests surrounded him, the men were shaking his hand as the women gave him a kiss on the cheek. He was completely soaked up in the attention, everyone praising him for the recent work that he’s done for different foundations and events that he attended recently. He’d been offered too many invites to grab a drink, or to the dance floor later in the evening, or even to their bedroom when everyone was asleep.

Politely and respectfully, he told all of them that he’d see where the night would take him, knowing full well that he wouldn’t be able to reject them fully because the only one he wanted to have a drink with was you. The only one he wanted to invite and take on the dance floor, dancing and spinning the night away to classical and soft music was you. The only one he wanted to go to bed with, to make love under the sheets, and wake up in the early hours of the morning to admire how you slept was you.

The Queen was sitting on her throne, crown sitting perfectly on her head as she watched Harry for over an hour, interacting with her guests. She could practically hear the conversations that the many women whispered to in his ear, inviting him for a night in their presence, but she noticed how uninterested Harry was—the look on his face said it all and how he would politely brush off their question without giving them an answer. She observed how he, quite often, looked over at you, standing against the wall, watching him as well.

You were nervously watching him, observing the way he acted around the guests, seeing if his demeanor would suddenly change since you weren’t right by his side anymore. It wasn’t as if you were jealous—you were never one to be jealous; it was your own insecurities that made you constantly worry about how Harry could just pack up and find someone else that was much better for him. Everyone always wondered what it would be like to love Prince Harry, and you were the lucky one to know what his love felt like, and you would hold onto that love for as long as you possibly could.

Elaine had made her rounds and chatted with several people who were eager to talk to her, and they were lucky enough to get a chuckle out of her. It was difficult impressing the Queen, her own family even struggled to get her approval, so it was a rare sight to see Elaine walk up to someone and initiate a conversation.

But that person wasn’t just ‘anyone,’ they were that person the Queen had specifically picked out to wed her grandson, someone who was worthy of hers and the Prince’s time. Elaine had asked the woman to follow her, which she immediately complied as Elaine walked through the room, nodding her head at everyone who greeted her, for what seemed like the hundredth time.

Harry was in conversation with one of the Dukes when his grandmother had walked up to him, the first time tonight, with someone, who he had never met before, trailing behind her.

“Harry,” The Queen made herself known.

“Your Majesty.” Harry bowed.

“I would like you to meet Venus. She’s the daughter of one of the board members for the Water and Power Organization,” Elaine introduced the dark-haired girl.

Venus curtsied. “Your Highness.” She smiled, flashing him her gorgeous smile. Venus was pretty, anyone knew that from just a glance. She wore a champagne silk dress that had crystals embedded on her waist, cinching her figure. She added white silk gloves and diamond earrings to top off the look.

“Pleasure,” Harry simply said behind a smile, masking his anxious and nervous attitude. He knew this was the moment where the Queen would tell him who Venus was and what he was to do while you were standing in the back watching the entire interaction, holding in your tears as your heart broke a little more.

“My dear, Harry,” Elaine started. Harry looked at his grandmother weirdly; she hadn’t called him that since he was younger. “Shall you accompany her to the dance floor? Get to know each other, hmm?” She suggested, brows raised.

Harry was all too polite to reject the poor girl as Venus looked at him with hopeful eyes. He simply cleared his throat and nodded, hesitantly offering her hand to the dance floor. Venus gladly took his hand, and Harry led them under the high crystal chandelier before she put her hand on his shoulder while the other still held his hand. Harry respectfully placed his hand on the small of her back--his actions unsure. Sure, he had danced with many people throughout the years, even while being with you, but this was completely different; this was the woman who he was to be wedded to, and he was sure Venus knew that as well.

“The Queen is very kind. I thought she disliked a lot of people, so I was shocked when she started up a conversation with me.” Venus made conversation to fill the void of silence between her and the Prince as they swayed to the classical music.

Harry lightly scoffed to himself. “She’s the Queen, could do anything she wants.”

“She told me the plan, and I will happily be your wife, Your Highness, an honor really.” Her voice was light and hopeful. Harry knew that she was a kind woman and anyone would jump at the chance to marry into royalty, but he couldn’t deal with this, not right now. Not when you’re standing feet away, containing your pain. Harry pulled away swiftly from Venus’ hold, leaving her confused. “Your Highness?”

“I’m sorry, I-I can’t do this,” he told her before walking away and leaving her on the dance floor.

The Queen had watched the entire interaction, anger, and disappointment present on her face as she watched Harry walk away and out of the main ballroom. You were about to follow him out once you saw him frantically walk out, but you noticed the Queen quickly trailing behind him. Holding tightly onto your thumbs to contain the shakiness, you stayed put as your mind had begun to wonder if your boyfriend was okay or not.

You understood why he seemed upset and stormed off; dancing with someone who wasn’t your partner hurt just the same as watching it right in front of you. All you wanted to do was hide away with him, in each other’s arms forever, but that wasn’t reality.

Harry’s footsteps clicked against the tiled floor, walking in pure frustration as he tugged on his hair. Tears threatened to spill out of his eyes, a groan slipped from his mouth. He heard footsteps following behind him, and he already knew who those particular steps belonged to. Turning around to face what seemed like the devil itself, he inhaled deeply, holding his breath.

“What in God’s name are you doing? You left the poor girl hanging!” Elaine scolded, eyes piercing through him.

“Nan, I can’t do this. You can’t make me do this.” His eyes and voice pleaded, begged for mercy as he was asking for a favor as her grandson, not the Prince.

“And why may that be?” She tested. Harry’s mouth opened but quickly closed, refraining himself to say anything. The words were right at the tip of his tongue and he had told you that he would tell her everything, but when it came to the moment, anxiety and nerves got in the way. But it seemed like the Queen knew exactly what he was going to say because she spoke for him, saying, “Is it because of that girl out there who happens to be your personal guard? Y/N, is it?” Her voice had a hint of sarcasm, and that’s when Harry knew.

She knows, she knows everything.

“H-How did-”

“Oh, for god sake, Harry. Do you think I’m naive? Oblivious? It’s painfully obvious--the way you two look at each other, how you walk so closely next to each other, not to mention, the mornings in. You can’t tell me that every time you sleep in, she’s nowhere to be found too? Hmm?” Crossing her arms, she knew she defeated Harry. There was no way around it and no room for lying because she knew everything.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I thought it was a one time thing, the first time I noticed it--that it wouldn’t last long. But I’ve watched it happen for five years, and now that I’ve had limited time on this Earth, I didn’t want to see it anymore.” She shook her head in disappointment. “So, you will marry Venus,” she instructed sternly.

“I will not,” Harry bit back, holding his ground.

“You will do as I say-”

“Your Majesty!” Harry interrupted, his lip wobbling involuntarily. For a moment, Elaine had seen the seven-year-old Prince as he gave her big puppy eyes, pushing his bottom lip out as he begged. For a moment, she was about to give in to his wishes, disagreeing to be wedded to a woman he had never met before tonight. If it were twenty years ago, she would have, but twenty-seven-year-old Harry didn’t have the same effect on her as he did two decades ago.

She loved her grandson, she did. As cruel and heartless as it was, her love for him had begun to slowly dissipate ever since he started dating you, making her a bit more harsh with him as it was a complete switch up from how she acted around him when he was younger.

“You are to be married to Venus next Saturday, and that is final,” she said in an unrelenting tone before she walked away, heading back into the main room without another look back at her heartbroken grandson.

Harry was left in the empty hallway on the verge of a full breakdown. His knees felt weak, about to give out from holding him up. Luckily, you entered the hallway, quickly walking towards Harry who looked completely stunned. The bottom of your shoes clicked loudly against the quiet hallway.

You placed your hands on the side of his face, frantically worrying. “Harry, baby? What’s wrong? What happened?”

He finally exhaled the deep and big breath that he had been holding in since his conversation with the Queen. The absence of your presence had made his breath shudder as he quite frankly couldn’t breathe properly when you weren’t around.

His legs gave out as he couldn’t properly stand, and without warning, he collapsed, but you had caught him as you quickly placed your arms under his underarms, trying your best to pull him up. But his deadweight had won, bringing you both to the floor. You caught his fall, somehow maneuvering yourself to be placed behind him, so he wouldn’t completely fall on his back. Sitting in between your legs, he turned himself in your hold, burying his head in your neck as he began to sob. Tears soaked your skin as they slid smoothly down to your shirt, dampening the piece of clothing. His hot breath hit your skin as he bawled his eyes out, holding your top tightly between his fist, wrinkling your perfectly ironed white shirt.

His wails broke your heart, and you had no clue as to what happened prior to getting this reaction out of him, but it must have been something horrible; something the Queen had said to him as you saw her walk into the ballroom just before you walked out. You only assumed it had something to do with the arranged marriage that she mentioned earlier this week.

“Baby…please, you’re scaring me,” your voice was shaky, anxious as to what the reasoning for his breakdown was. Your fingers threaded through his chestnut curls, comforting him in a way you only knew how to do.

Harry’s breath stuttered as he sniffled, catching his breath as he calmed down a bit before he spoke. “S-She knows.” Your breath had hitched in your throat, heart dropping to your stomach. The Queen knows everything, constantly replayed over in your mind like a broken record. “She knew from the very start of o-our relationship that’s why she started to become so harsh and short with me.” Your heart broke for Harry as he spoke about his grandmother, and you couldn’t help but think that you were the one that caused the Queen’s unpleasant tone with the Prince. “But I am to still be married to the woman in the ballroom. She scheduled it for next Saturday,” he added as his voice cracked towards the end.

His words were echoing in your head, and it only added fuel to your terrible nightmare. You thought you had time, time to convince Elaine that your relationship with Harry was serious and that you loved him. But you’re starting to think that Elaine didn’t care if he was happy or in love, that she was doing this completely out of spite.

“W-What are we gonna do, Y/N?” Harry needed your words—he needed your console, your reassurance that everything was going to be alright.

But this time, you didn’t have an answer.

Your footsteps were the only thing that were heard as you walked through the dark and quiet hallway, leading up to the Queen’s office. She had asked one of her guards to tell you that she requested to see you after breakfast, and your thoughts had been running ever since. This had been the first time the Queen would speak a word to you; the other times had been full of her ignoring your greetings as you curtsied politely.

You asked Harry if she knew if he knew what she was going to say to him, but he just shook his head no. Rightfully so, he’s been in quite a gloomy mood, but he’d been more clingy than ever since this was most likely your last week together. You tried not to think about how Harry was to be married to another woman at the end of the week, and that only led to crying into your pillow until the early hours of the morning; Harry’s been the same, maybe even worse.

With a shaky hand, you knocked on the door; not too hard but not too soft either. You gulped as you heard Elaine say ‘Enter’ from the other side of the door. Nervously opening the door, you were faced with the Queen sitting in her chair with her hands linked together as she rested them against her desk.

“Your Majesty.” You curtsied, anxiously looking at her for some sort of approval, but all she did was gesture for you to sit down.

Once you were sitting rather uncomfortably on the edge of the seat, she stared at you for a moment, looking at you up and down as her glare was rather deadly. You tried not to fidget or anxiously bounce your leg, but her eyes were probing into your soul, and you were afraid of how she may react if you disconnected your eyes from her.

“I assume you know why you’re here?” She started. You nodded lightly, not saying a word. “I don’t appreciate you and my grandson going behind my back to have this…affair of yours, especially for years. First, did you think nobody would find out? You’re in the Royal House, everyone reports things back to me when they see something suspicious, so don’t think you were all that sneaky. Second, Harry’s a Prince, you’re a…guard.” She said with much emphasis on your title. “Did you think it was going to work out? I mean, he’s a Prince.” She added a bit of a scoff at the end, but her tone was stern.

“My apologies for going behind your back, Your Majesty.” You hadn’t a clue on what to say to her other than to apologize because there was no reason for lying only to make the situation worse.

“Hmm. You see, Prince Harry is to be married in four days. That means you are no longer in relations with him, and since you’ve disrespected me and my family, you are no longer needed in the Royal House. You are to be packed by Saturday, and you’ll never go close to my family ever again—more importantly, the Prince. Understood?” She instructed unsympathetically.

Your breath was stuck in your throat, your stomach in knots, and your heart didn’t feel like it was beating anymore. You were absolutely crushed. The thought of not seeing Harry anymore frightened you; you didn’t want to do life without him. You needed him, and unknowing to the Queen, he needed you too.

“I asked if you understood,” she said, wanting a vocal answer to seal the deal.

Slowly, you nodded your head. “Yes, I understand, Your Majesty.”

Elaine leaned back in her chair. “Very well. You may leave now.”

You got up, making your way out of her office, closing the heavy door before you let out a wracking sob, chest heaving up and down. You quickly made your way to your room, covering your mouth to contain the volume of your cries. The fee staff that you passed by had called out for you, asking what was wrong, but you ignored their calls, heading straight to your room where you locked the door and cried into your pillow, just as you had for the past few days. Your heart broke into a million pieces for yourself and for Harry, and you didn’t know how you would ever recover.

As you were talking with the Queen. The Duchess had found Harry lingering around Elaine’s office, pacing back and forth as well as pressing his ear up against the door.

“Harry? What are you doing?” Anne asked worriedly.

“Mum, please. I need you.” Tears streamed down his face, and Anne’s heart broke as she saw her son so heartbroken. All of the rules Elaine had instructed Anne to do on how to raise her children, like completely stop showing her kids affection, had completely torn in half. And just like that, her child needed her.

Anne quickly took Harry into her arms, and Harry sobbed into her shoulder, hugging her tightly. “There, there, my darling. You’re alright.” She rubbed his back soothingly. “What’s wrong?”

Harry pulled back. “Uh, Y/N—she's in there with Nan. Mum, she knows everything.” Anne’s eyes widened. “We’ve kept it in for so long, why now?” Harry choked in between his words as his cries had heightened.

Anne looked at Harry with a defeated face. She’s always known about his relationship with you ever since the beginning. A quite fresh six months into the relationship, Anne had caught you two running around in the courtyard under the moonlight, past curfew hours. Harry suggested sneaking out because that was the only time you two had alone, so you hesitantly said yes without thinking about getting caught. Sure enough, you two did get caught by the Duchess. You relentlessly apologized to his mum, saying you won’t pass curfew hours anymore, but Anne simply just smiled, telling you two to be more careful next time because it could’ve been the Queen who had caught you.

As Harry’s mother, she understood the importance of wanting him to live his life the way he wanted to. She always encouraged that he could be whoever he wanted to be, and she would always be there to support it. She didn’t want to tell him who to love or who to marry because that decision should be completely up to him. And throughout the years, she’d seen how much love he has for you while that same love was also being reciprocated. That’s all she wanted for him—someone who would love and cherish him.

“I don’t know what to say, darling. Maybe you could talk to her?” Anne suggested, caressing Harry’s arms.

“I-I tried before, but she just brushed past me. I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” Frustration was clearly going through Harry’s body as he pulled on his hair, something he does when he’s anxious and frustrated because he was somewhat in control over it.

“C’mon, let’s go into the living room.” She grabbed his arm, leading him out of the hallway, but he pulled back.

“But…”

“She’ll go to you when she needs to. The last thing you need is getting caught lingering around when I’m sure the Queen doesn’t want you two being around one another.”

Anne was right; a mother does know best. Following her wishes, he nodded, trailing behind his mother and out of the hallway, away from his poor girl who was being confronted by the Queen.

It was Friday night, and you had just zipped up the last of your luggage. Your room was empty, and it pained your heart that it was your last night at the Royal House, the last time you would ever see Harry.

You were due to be out of the Royal House by seven a.m and off Royal grounds at nine in the morning; there was a boat scheduled for everyone visiting the grounds to departure at nine, and you would be on your way to God knows where, but far away from the one person who had your heart.

Harry’s wedding was to be scheduled quite early in the morning, around eight-thirty, or so you’d heard from the staff. The entire staff had no clue of your leave, except a few of the guards that were going to escort you out of the Royal House and to the docks. The Queen had bumped into you in the hallways and specifically instructed you to not tell anyone that you were leaving because she was going to tell them that you resigned if they asked. You simply had no energy to argue, to disagree with her choice, so you nodded, not saying a word.

You sat on the edge of your bed, completely drained physically and emotionally, and the one thing on your mind was to go to sleep—sleep and Harry, your dearest Harry who you hoped was okay. You got ready for bed mindlessly as a numbness fell throughout your body. You couldn’t feel anything but pain, and the suffering you’d endured for the past week had overwhelmed your mind and body, leaving you dazed.

Your heart pounded through your ears with every movement as it started to make you feel dizzy, so you laid down on your side, facing the wall while you hugged your pillow tightly while your hand was wrapped around your gold necklace Harry had gifted you. Shutting your eyes, you forced your mind to go to sleep.

A few moments passed by, and due to your ears ringing, you didn’t hear your bedroom door open and close. But you did feel the edge of your twin bed dip down, making you open your eyes in startelement as the figure behind you engulfed you into their arms, and you immediately relaxed.

Sighing deeply, a few tears shed from your eyes, feeling relief from the pair of arms around you; you hadn’t felt his arms around you since Tuesday, the day you talked to the Queen. You also hadn’t seen him since Tuesday because after your meeting with Elaine, she had found Harry, telling him to stay away from you. Many arguments had come out of his mouth, but Elaine immediately shut him down after that, sternly telling him that he was to never speak to her that way again. Knowing that Harry would break the rule of not seeing you, Elaine ordered for you to not cross the boundary of the West and East Wing as she knew you wouldn’t break her rules.

The feeling of being this close to one another after three days was such a relief, and it almost felt wrong because of the Queen’s wishes, but you simply couldn’t care less because you were in the arms of the person you adored.

Turning around to face him, you were immediately greeted with a loving ‘I missed you so damn much’ kiss. His lips glided over yours smoothly, but rushed, desperate to feel your touch as his arms never loosened around your frame, needing your body close.

“Hi, Princess,” he said breathlessly once he pulled away.

You kissed the tip of his nose, making him blush. “Your Highness, how are you?” You asked concerningly.

“Was doing horrible without you, but right now, I’m just happy to see you, happy to be in your bed.” You softly smiled, pecking his lips.

You were also happy to have him in your bed. He’d only snuck out of his room to sleep in your bed a handful of times, but he could easily say that it’s the best bed he’s ever slept on because your scent was all over the sheets as well as your body being pressed up against his due to the lack of space you two had. You’d tease him, saying that you were baffled he would rather leave his king-size bed for your small one, but he would charm your pants off and come back with how he liked your small bed better because that meant you would be closer to him the entire night. A charmer, he is.

A silence fell over you both, simply just looking and taking one another’s presence in. You had both memorized every inch of each other’s face throughout the entirety of your friendship and relationship—every mark, mole, crease, and wrinkle was ingrained into your mind as it was your fear that you would forget how your handsome Prince looked like—but this time, it was different. You two were looking at one another, so neither of you would actually forget what the other looked liked because you wouldn’t be able to see him again.

You lowered your eyes to your neck, stopping yourself from crying, but it seemed like your tears and emotion for the best of you. A small sniffle came out of you and Harry pouted, bringing you into his chest and holding you tightly.

“I’m gonna miss you,” you said against his skin.

“C’mon…” Harry said with slight annoyance, lightly scoffing as he was in disbelief of what you were saying.

“I mean it, I’m really gonna miss you.” You pulled your head out of his chest, looking up at him.

He shook his head as tears formed in his eyes. His heart was breaking more than it already had, and it upset him how much you were letting all of this happen—accepting it, more like.

“Don’t do this.” He looked deeply into your eyes, brows furrowed; you could tell that he looked frustrated and offended, but you didn’t know what you could do to make your situation better, so you shrugged your shoulders in defeat.

“There’s nothing else for me to do, Harry. I don’t know what you want me to do. I don’t want you to resent me for not being close to your grandmother when she’s practically on her deathbed.” He pulled away from you, laying on his back as he looked up at the ceiling fan, hoping if he looked long enough, he would be hypnotized into another life—a life where it involved just the two of you. But he was still in your room and his realities were still coming true. “I don’t know what you want me to do,” you added.

“Don’t accept the fact that we’re not gonna see each other again!” He whisper-yelled, trying to keep his voice down, still not making eye contact with you. How could he ever resent you? For most of his life, you’d made him the happiest—ever since you two were kids, you would always find a reason to put a smile on his face and get out of bed in the morning.

You sighed deeply, closing your eyes. This wasn’t how you wanted your last night to go, and you could understand why he was frustrated, but you really didn’t know what he wanted you to do because there wasn’t anything you could do.

He turned his head towards you, seeing that you were closing your eyes, exhaling through your nose deeply. He turned his whole body to lay on his side, facing you before bringing his hand to your cheek, caressing your skin with his thumb. You opened your eyes once you felt his cold touch, chills rose onto your skin as you looked at him through your glassy and sad eyes; a look that broke his heart.

“I’m sorry for raising my voice, my Princess. I’m just…angry and sad.” He lowered his eyes, feeling subdued.

“It’s okay, I understand. I just don’t know what to do to make this situation any better, but we have to accept that this is our ending. And it may not be ‘happily ever after’ for the two of us, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop loving you.” He nodded as he took in your words.

“Just…hold me, yeah? Until you have to l-leave.” His voice cracked at the end of his sentence, finding it rather difficult to accept the fact that you won’t be on the same grounds as him anymore.

You nodded, closing the inch of space, and wrapping your arms around him. As your face was pressed against his chest, Harry’s chin rested on the top of your head as you two held one another. It was a surreal but heartbreaking moment, but the two of you cherished the last several hours you had with one another.

You lifted your head up, only to be met with his chin, and you pressed a kiss along with the sharpness of his stubble jaw; Harry sighed in relief. You hooked your leg around his waist, pulling him closer than he already was, and trailed your lips to his neck, sucking and licking his soft skin. Harry groaned, involuntarily bucking his hips into yours as the feel of your lips had that much of an effect on him.

Shifting upwards so you were face-to-face, you looked in his eyes momentarily, taken back by his beauty. He was so immensely beautiful that he quite literally took your breath away. He almost didn’t seem real, so tangible, but he was definitely a sight. You’ve had a crush on him for more than a decade, and not once had it minimized into something frivolous or vanished; you hadn’t doubted your love for him and you never would. You were always going to have a crush on the Prince until the day you took your last breath when you would think about giving him one last kiss goodbye.

Connecting your lips together, you felt like you were home. The peace his lips provided made you melt with every kiss, every single time his tongue glided over yours, or when he bit your bottom lip and pulled back a bit—just being connected to Harry physically and emotionally made you feel secure, and you couldn’t ask for anything more in life because you would be too greedy.

In the midst of moving your lips in sync with his, he traced his tongue against your bottom lip, making you open your mouth, a moan leaving your lips. His tongue met yours, swirling and tasting one another as the grip you had on one another had stiffened, pulling each other closer. With your hips slightly grinding against his, the breathy moans that left his mouth, and Harry’s lips perfectly and gracefully kissing yours, the electrifying feeling was more powerful than ever. The spark ran down your back, making you want more as chills ran down the course of your body. You would always want more when it came to Harry; he had that appeal where he would leave everyone wanting for more, but luckily, you were the only one he would be giving it to.

You pulled away, completely breathless by his soft and pink lips before you whispered, “Want you, please.” Your eyes were pleading with him to do anything to your body as you just wanted to feel his touch, his body against yours.

“Sure?” He asked as he always did before you two ever had sex, and you appreciated the thought because it really showed how true of a gentleman that he was before he fucked you relentlessly into the mattress.

“Mhm. Give it to me…one last time,” you sighed, curling your lips into your mouth as your fingers pushed away the curl that fell onto his forehead.

He shook his head softly, disapproving of your choice of words. “Okay,” he responded, brushing off your statement as he gave you another kiss, unable to get enough of your sweet, cherry-flavored lips.

Soft kisses were pressed against your cheek, trailing down your neck as he gave you a love bite; you threw your head back into the pillow, allowing him more access to your neck. His hands found the hem of your baby pink silk nightgown, bunching the soft fabric up to your waist as he held your thigh up to his waist, softly grinding his pelvis into yours.

You sat up and raised your arms straight up before Harry took the chance to peel your nightgown off of your body and on the floor. You laid back down, completely naked, besides the necklace that rested perfectly on your skin, as his eyes bored into you, admiring your figure and being quite mesmerized by you as he always was. Your room was dark besides the soft glow of the moonlight that peeked through the window and casted down at your body, giving Harry a clear and beautiful vision of you.

“So beautiful, my love. Take my breath away every single time I look at you,” he said softly. You shyly smiled under his state, finding it quite intimidating for a moment.

Harry raised his arms and reached behind his head to take off his shirt, showcasing his tattoos that you’ve traced, counted, and kissed plenty of times throughout the years. His inked skin was something you loved most about him because despite being Royal blood, he still wanted to be himself—not someone people assumed he was as if they’d figured out his entire life and personality. Just Harry.

He was outright the most stunning man you’d ever laid your eyes on. You were sure there would be no one like him because there was only one Harry that you loved, only one person that you loved.

You reached your hands out for him, and Harry slowly placed his weight on you. His lips sucked and licked the swell of your breasts and nipples, giving each the same amount of attention. You grabbed his face, bringing it up to your lips as you missed them.

He molded his lips with yours for a few moments, enjoying your touch before you briskly flipped the two of you over so you were on top now.

Harry smirked, hands immediately finding their way to your waist. “My girl wants to be on top, hmm?” You nodded as you began to take his striped pajama pants off; his cock was hard, sitting against his lower abdomen. You leaned down, licking one long stripe from the base to the tip, earning a raspy moan from your Prince before kissing up his body, making sure to leave a few love bites so he had something to remember you by in the morning on his wedding day. Call it petty if his new wife would see them tomorrow on their night as newlyweds, but rightfully so, he was yours and you had his heart first.

You reached his neck, littering his skin as you sucked and licked. “Wanna feel you deep. Can you sit up, please?”

“Always so polite. Of course, I can.” He sat up against the headboard, and you pressed your body against his as his cock laid perfectly between your folds. You could practically feel your arousal dripping onto his hard-on, so you slowly started to grind against his hard length as you feverishly kissed him.

A throaty moan came out of both of you as your hands desperately held onto one another, grabbing whatever you both can to really feel each other.

“Please,” he whimpered. “Need to feel you.”

“Look who’s being so polite now, huh,” you teased, and Harry giggled. He loved being able to giggle and tease one another during the intimate times you two had together; it made things fun and less serious as you two were able to be yourselves around each other.

You sat on your knees to raise your hips before you licked your hand and grabbed a hold of his cock, giving him a few pumps before you lined him up with your entrance. Slowly sinking down on him, your walls hugged him tightly as he graciously filled you up. After five years, he still filled your walls and stretched you out as his thick and long size was something you still had to adjust to. A soft moan left both of your lips once you were fully on him, keeping yourself there for a moment.

“Fuck, you feel so good. Could stay like this for as long as possible,” he breathed out.

You softly smiled. “Give me a moment. Always gonna need to adjust to you, just so big.” You praised him for endeavors, knowing he liked being praised; and he smirked.

“All for you,” he breathed out, making you smile.

After a minute or two, you started to move up and down on him, raising your hips until only his tip was inside of you before sinking back down, taking him in fully. He always hit that special spot in this position; with just one thrust, it had you moaning his name out like there was no tomorrow.

You squeezed around him, making him throw his head back onto the headboard as he started to guide your hips that were working on grinding and bouncing onto him. Your movements began to pick up, finding a rhythm as you swiveled and grinded on his cock, feeling on edge already.

His mouth attacked your tits as his hands squeezed and slapped your ass, leaving a red mark onto your skin, but you loved it, you always did. You wrapped your arms around your neck, hugging his face to your chest as he hugged your waist, keeping you close while kissing the valley of your breasts.

His hands gripped your hips, pushing you down so you would stop your movements. You looked down in confusion as big doe eyes looked up at you. Pushing his hair back and scratching his scalp, you gave him a small smile, kissing his lips fully.

“W-What’s wrong?” You asked once you pulled back from his lips, your voice soft and tender.

“Just…wanna make this last longer.”

You nodded, agreeing. “Okay.” You didn’t continue your movements after that, just simply staying seated on him, keeping him warm as he was tucked in away with your softness and warmth of your velvety walls.

“I’ll love you forever, y’know that, right? Not gonna love another soul again,” he confessed sadly.

“I know that, and I love you more than life itself. But baby, you’re getting married—spending the rest of your life with someone. You’ve ought to love her someday.” As hard as it was for you to tell him that he could love someone else, you knew that it was inevitable for him to catch feelings, especially for his new wife.

He shook his head in disagreement. “No, no. I can’t do that, even if you’re telling me to love someone else, I physically and emotionally cannot open up my heart to someone who isn’t you.” His eyes were glassy; the moonlight still made his gorgeous green eyes sparkle.

“I know, I know.” You lovingly placed a kiss onto his forehead, lingering your lips onto his skin for a moment as his fingers trailed down your spine. “Just know that I’m gonna love you forever, too.”

“Yeah?” He asked, smiling slightly; you nodded. “Please do. Need your love,” he sniffled, a tear slowly streaming down the side of his face.

You wiped it away, leaning down to kiss his nose and lips. “Need your love too. Can you feel mine? Can you feel my love?” You asked as you began to start moving your hips.

A throaty moan left Harry’s lips as he nodded. “Yeah, I can feel it all over. Feel it everywhere—never want to not feel it.” He gripped your hips hard, squeezing the flesh as you whimpered.

Slowly bouncing on him, you started to revive your orgasm as you started to whine and mewl, desperate to get there. Your thighs were shaking and burning from being on top and grinding on him for so long, and Harry started to see that as your movements slowed down and you had to take a few breaks.

“Tired?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay, I got you, baby. Let me love you.” He shifted down so he was on his back and your body was pressed up against his. “Let me take care of you.” You nodded softly, burying your face into his neck, hiding away from him as you whispered from the movement.

Harry planted his feet on the bed, bucking his hips and fucking up into you; it wasn’t fast, no, it was slow but his thrusts were hard. He was so deep that you felt the electrifying shock run down to your toes, making you curl them in. Hot breath hit his skin as you moaned out his name before he felt your lips continuously kissing, sucking, and licking his neck.

“My Princess. My dream girl. Gonna love you forever. Gonna miss you, gonna miss this.” His voice cracked, hugging you tightly to his chest as he continued to thrust up into you. “Please, let me feel you,” he pleaded for your release.

His cock was hitting your special spot as you were very close. After a few more thrusts, a few more moans, and a few more words that effortlessly slipped out of Harry’s mouth as he encouraged you to find your pleasure, you let go. Your beautiful sounds were muffled from the pillow and the way you buried your face into the crook of his neck. You were quite overwhelmed as you began to sob, a quarter of your distress was because of how powerful your orgasm was, but most of it was because of how empty you would feel when you had left the Royal Grounds tomorrow morning, and how you wouldn’t see Harry anymore.

Harry continued to fuck you, riding your high out before he spilled into you, loud and raspy moans slipped filled your ear as he moaned your name and how much he loved you.

Once he calmed down, the room was in absolute silence beside the sounds of the gut-wrenching sobs that came from you. You were incredibly sensitive and emotional as you held onto him tight, Harry still inside of you. His heart was breaking as he started to quietly cry with you, which caught your attention, so you lifted your head up to face him. Witnessing Harry crying wasn’t your favorite sight to see; it pained you to see him so upset, and you wanted to take his pain away and keep it to yourself so he would be happy.

“No matter what…” you started, stroking his cheek tenderly. “I’m gonna love you. And even though I’m not going to be physically next to you, you’re still gonna have my heart and you’ll feel how much I love you. Just…remember that, please?”

Harry nodded. “And you’ll have my heart,” he reciprocated.

“Mhm, and I’ll guard your heart for the rest of my life.”

He pecked your lips sweetly. “I know you know this, but you’re my ship. You’re the thing that brings me home safely and securely while I lay out in the sun for hours and be completely content and happy with life. And no matter what storm you, or we, encounter, you’re always able to guide us to a brighter part of the Earth. And for that, I will love you forever. Got you inked on my skin permanently and I will cherish the memories and the love you have given me for the past twenty years.”

His proclamations had you in tears, sniffling throughout his words. You knew how difficult it was for him to say those words because it meant that he was accepting his reality.

You captured his lips in with yours, sobbing and shaking against them as you cried, holding onto one another for dear life as you two only existed in each other’s arms—forgetting about the outside world. Your heart had sunk so far into your stomach, making your insides feel like they were in knots. Harry had been your safety net for so long, your source of happiness and love. But now, he was going to be added to the list of people that you had lost; the first two being your parents.

The three most important people in your life had sailed a ship far away from you and you weren’t able to see them anymore. Maybe in another lifetime, but right now, you needed them.

It was quite ironic how Harry thought you were his ship, something that kept him afloat and content when all you felt was the numbness, the pain, and the sinking of your heart, making the depth of the ocean feel so inviting.

A shake on his shoulder had woken an exhausted Harry up. Inhaling deeply before letting out a groan, he opened his eyes to be met with the day ahead of him. If it were any other day, he would be met with his love, looking at him so lovingly and sweetly as you would beg him to get out of bed, but he would pull you to get in the covers with him before spending half an hour of making giggly and sweet love in the morning.

But today wasn’t any other ordinary day…it was his wedding day, and the person waking him was Anne, sadly smiling down at him as she wore a rather beautiful lilac gown. He looked at her confusingly before taking a look around the room; he was in your room and that’s when he recalled the night prior. You two fell asleep holding onto one another, whispering lovely words into one each other’s ear, pretending that the next wasn’t happening so you two could be Y/N and Harry.

“Morning, darling. I see you’ve made your way in here last night.”

Harry sat up, looking down at his body; he was fully clothed, and he smiled to himself at how thoughtful you were to put his clothes back on. But his smile quickly disappeared when he took a clear look around the room. Your belongings were gone and the luggage that was packed wasn’t there anymore. A piece of him felt like it was ripped out of his chest, leaving him to suffer and sleep through the nightmare.

He sighed deeply, chin meeting his chest. “She’s really gone, Mum.”

Anne didn’t say anything but nod. She rubbed Harry back comfortingly as she kissed his forehead. She’s never seen her son so heartbroken before; sure, she’s had to distance herself from him, but she was always observant of Harry. She noticed that whenever he walked into every room, he had a smile on his face and that was because he was laughing at something you had said or blew him a kiss that made him flustered. So, Harry being so sad and heartbroken was a new kind of Harry that she will have to encounter because for most of his life, he was always happy, never had a complaint in his life, and that was because he had you.

“She left you this.” Anne presented a white envelope, which made his eyes widen, but he immediately took it from her hands. The front of the envelope wrote Your Highness with a heart at the end, making his heart flutter. He looked up at his mother and she smiled at him, caressing his face before planting a kiss on his cheek. “Be quick to read that. The Queen is still expecting you to be married today,” she sighed. “You have to be ready soon—the ceremony starts in an hour. Be out of this room before anyone else catches you.” Anne walked towards the door, and before she walked out, she called out for him, making Harry lift his head up. “Everything’s going to be fine. Trust me.”

With that being said, she left your empty room, leaving him with the letter in his hands and your scent that swirled around the room, making him miss your presence even more.

His hands shook as he carefully opened the envelope—you even spritzed some of your perfume that he loves so much as he brought the paper to his nose. Unfolding it, the letter was quite long—the entire page—and Harry could feel himself already getting emotional over it, but he read it anyway.

My sweetest Harry,

I am writing this in the early hours of the morning as you’re sleeping peacefully in my bed, hugging my pillow. You look so peaceful when you sleep, did you know that? Besides the occasional snoring, which I don’t mind because you know that I’m a snorer myself, you have this sense of calmness to you when you sleep. It makes me not want to wake you up in the mornings sometimes because you look like you’re at complete peace. But then I miss you too much and want your kisses so eventually, I do wake you up.

I’m going to miss that, waking you up, and having a morning to ourselves where we get to be us. But I’m also going to miss all the other times we get to spend together. In the car on our way to events, in the courtyard running around like we’re kids, midnight strolls under the moonlight, and sneaky makeout sessions when you would pull me into a random room in the Royal House.

I’m going to miss every single moment.

It pains me that I am no longer by your side and we had to part this way. I’ve never felt so heartbroken in my life before, and I thought I wouldn’t ever get to feel this type of agony because I was with you. And we promised to not hurt each other, no matter what. But I’m proud of us because we kept our promise until the very end. We never hurt each other—we always talked it out and never left one another to fight one’s own battles. We were such a great team. The best team.

You’re everything to me, Harry. My whole entire heart belongs to you, and it will always be yours as long as you hold onto it and keep it safe. Thank you for protecting my heart since we were kids. Thank you for always being there for me in a blink of an eye. You’ve truly helped me get me back on my feet when my father passed, and for that, I don’t know how to thank you enough. I felt like I'd lost the fight when he passed and I didn’t know what I was going to do, but then you reminded me that you were by my side, and for that, we won.

It has truly been an honor to know you. To be in your presence. But to be in your heart is the greatest gift that I’ve ever received because you love like no other. There will be no other that’ll compete against you. It will always be you.

My lips will remember the way you love, the way you taste. Your lips are my favorite, and I smile every single time I feel your touch because it’s quite unforgettable.

You are my heart, my sun, my lover, my best friend, my dream boy, and my forever Prince that I will love for the rest of eternity.

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for letting me into your heart, Your Highness.

Yours forever,

Y/N.

With his face slightly damped from the tears that streamed down his cheeks while his eyes were swollen and red, he cried into his hands once he finished reading your letter a third time in a row. The feeling in his chest felt like it was physically tearing him apart as it was difficult to catch his breath, gasping for air through his sobs.

All he wanted to do was to hug you, hold onto you for the rest of his life, and he would be completely satisfied with everything. But you were soon to be on a boat, sailing away from Royal Grounds, further away from him.

He looked down at the piece of paper, making sure to not wrinkle the last physical piece he had of you. You signed your name off with a heart at the end, admiring your handwriting that he never failed to compliment every time you would handwrite him a note. Bringing the paper to his lips, he kissed your name briefly, exhaling heavy breaths through his nose before pulling away and safely putting it back into the envelope.

His heart grieved for you two because neither of you deserved this consequential punishment that broke you two apart.

Standing at the altar in front of hundreds of people wasn’t something Harry imagined his wedding to be like. He pictured his guest list to be quite small, only the people he truly loved and appreciated. It definitely wouldn’t have been in a large venue that held six figures worth of art. And it wouldn’t have been Venus walking down the aisle, meeting him in a white long gown with a veil covering her face.

He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply as he felt slightly guilty. Harry knew it wasn’t his fault as to why he’s standing here, but he would have never thought he would ever be standing at the altar without you walking towards him. You two had talked about getting married and the wedding itself so many times that, naturally, it was the norm. Neither of you were scared of getting married to one another, so there was no need to worry about the other running away from the idea or the relationship.

You always talked about wanting to get married in a garden where there would be bushes of flowers surrounding the area, giving the scene a pop of color. You two agreed on only wanting about fifteen to twenty people, most of the guests would come from Harry’s family and friends, and you would invite some of the staff that you had gotten quite close to throughout your life of living in the Royal House. You would ask Maria to walk you down the aisle as you wore a light champagne dress with hints of gold embedded into the dress; you always told Harry you didn’t want to wear a traditional white wedding dress because you would be too afraid to stain it, especially if you were going to walk on the grass. Harry didn’t mind one bit as long as you were the one walking down the aisle towards him; he would be the happiest man on Earth.

But now as he watched Venus make her way towards him, this wasn’t the magical night he dreamed of ever since you two got together, and he wished this was a dream so you could wake him up as soon as possible. But you didn’t because it wasn’t a dream, and he realized that when he shook Venus’ father’s hand, giving her daughter away to marry the Prince as she was soon to become a Princess.

Harry and Venus stood in front of each other as she held his hands tightly, feeling that she needed to hold up his hands because he wasn’t holding onto her at all. Venus nervously gulped as she looked at the Prince; he wasn’t making eye contact with her nor the Priest. He was looking down at his shoes and the doors that she had entered as if he was impatiently waiting for someone to burst through those doors as he didn’t listen to a word of what the Priest had said.

“Harry, do you take thee, Venus, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, til death do you part?”

The moment was finally here as Harry blinked his tears away, knowing two words were going to change his whole entire life.

Your heart was beating fast as you struggled to hold onto your belongings with your two arms. You rolled two suitcases that sunk their wheels through every crack of the wooden and old dock as you walked; your duffel bags took every other bump, struggling to remain on your luggage, making you stop once again to place it back in its rightful spot. Towards the side of the dock was a schedule on what time the faerie was arriving for departure, and you had about twenty minutes to spare if there were no delays.

It was a quite gloomy day—unfortunate that Harry had to have this kind of weather on his wedding day, but maybe that was Mother Nature’s way of expressing her sadness with you.

You looked at your small gold watch on your left wrist—an accessory your father had given you when you turned eighteen as he told you it was your mother’s and that she used to wear it all the time. The small watch made her feel powerful, independent, and a grown woman who had grown up from the beaded bracelets she used to make when she was younger. It was a piece of your mother that you got to keep with you wherever you went, so you cherished it with your whole heart.

When it was nearing T-minus 5 minutes, you gathered your bags and headed towards the boat where every passenger crowded around. There were quite a few people and you hoped that the boat ride off the Royal Grounds was a quiet and smooth sailing ride because with the headache you’re enduring from crying and your heartbreak, you needed silence.

One of the members of the faerie stood on the edge of the boat with a megaphone raised to his lips. “Attention! People who are boarding for the nine o’clock departure heading West of the Royal Grounds. We seem to have noticed a last-minute complication with the engine, which will delay us for about another thirty minutes. We will update you all if we need to switch boats, but for now, hang tight and hang around. Visit the Royal gift shop and get yourself a crown!” He finished his announcement as everyone groaned as you chuckled at everyone’s reaction. You didn’t mind the delay because it meant that you got to stay on the same ground as Harry for a bit longer, even though you weren’t able to see him.

You headed towards a bench that overlooked the ocean and set your bags close by you as you grabbed an apple from your tote that you snatched from the kitchen on your way out of the Royal House. There were little kids running around with balloons in their hands while their parents tried to chase them, telling them to be careful or they’ll fall off the dock.

Suddenly, a little boy jogged towards you, nearly startling you. “Hello, are you Y/N?”

You raised your brows, leaning your arms on your thighs as you wondered how he knew your name. “Why, yes, I am. And who might you be?” You asked in a friendly tone.

“I’m Russell. This is for you.” He handed you a bouquet of a gorgeous arrangement of daisies.

“These are lovely, thank you! Did you pick these out yourself?”

“No, I didn’t. I was told to give them to you. Your husband wanted me to give it to you!” He exclaimed excitedly.

“Really? And who might my husband be?” You amused him, not thinking seriously about his statement. But he suddenly pointed behind you, making you turn around in suspense.

There he was, your Prince, smiling down at you as you looked up at him in pure disbelief. He looked dashingly handsome in a silk hot pink blouse and a floral embroidered black suit that suited him very well. You took a moment to observe him, trailing your eyes down to his hands, only to find his left ring finger bare. His face looked too happy to be married to someone who wasn’t you, but his smile looked as if it was relieved as if his worst nightmare had come to an end. He was relaxed, the complete opposite of the trepidation that he held for weeks.

Your observation was coming to a conclusion, and once you realized what was happening, you matched his smile as you stood up.

“Your Highness,” you curtsied, making him giggle.

Before he could explain to you why he was standing in front of you with no security, he turned to the little boy who had helped him. “Russell, thank you for delivering the flowers to my wife.”

“Your welcome, Prince Harry!” The little boy bowed excitedly before running off to his mother who was waiting and watching on the sidelines.

Once Russell was safe with his mother, you turned back towards Harry. “Your wife, huh?” You raised your brows, teasing him as you masked your giddiness. You intertwined your hands behind yourself, containing yourself from reaching out and grabbing him.

“Yeah, my actual wife—someday—not the one that was walking towards me earlier.”

You smiled softly, still lost on why he’s in front of you. “What are you doing here?”

“I left. I ran away from the altar. I couldn’t do it, Princess. No matter how mad the Queen would be, I couldn’t marry that woman,” he explained. You exhaled in relief, tears pricking your eyes. “I felt guilty, y’know? Never have I imagined standing at the altar without you. It was…weird and I didn’t like it.”

“How did you even manage to do that? To run away?”

Harry slightly chuckled. “Mum helped me.”

“Really?” Your eyes widened as you were in shock.

“Yeah,” he answered, explaining to you what happened thirty minutes prior to him racing to the dock to find you.

When the Priest was reciting the vows, he waited on Harry’s promise to marry Venus. But Harry had turned his head to look at his mum before earning a nod of approval. He turned his head back to Venus, and she had some sort of look of understanding like she knew Harry clearly hadn’t signed up for this wedding—to marry her. Harry gave Venus a small smile that apologized for what he was about to do before turning to the Priest and telling him that he couldn’t do any of what he had said. The guests’ chatter had increased, some softly gasping as they wondered why the Prince wasn’t complying with the marriage.

He let go of Venus’ hands, heading towards Anne to give her a kiss on the cheek. Anne had sneakily handed him a pair of keys to one of the Rolls Royce cars, and he smiled in appreciation. He glanced at Elaine, not even bothering to say goodbye to his Nan, but Elaine had a few words herself, so she grabbed Harry’s wrists before he walked down the aisle.

“Walk out those doors, and you wouldn’t even be considered a Prince anymore, you are not allowed back on Royal Grounds if you walk out, and you are no longer going to be part of this family,” she warned, eyes piercing with such disappointment.

He gave Elaine one last look before yanking his arm out of her hold, which earned a loud gasp from the guests. Elaine looked around at the people who had watched the two, and she felt embarrassment heat up in her cheeks.

Once Harry walked out the doors, he jogged to the front of the Royal House where Gemma had closed the trunk. He took his sister into his arms, hugging her tightly and gratefully.

“Thank you, Gemma. For everything,” he said, giving her an extra squeeze. She patted his back before pulling away, giving him a smile.

“I’m proud of you, H. Now, go and get her. I’ve already flagged down the captain and told him to delay the boat for thirty minutes, so you should hurry before the other passengers start to fret. And the boat you two are going on should be ready by the time you’re there.”

He smiled. “Thank you, again. I’ll see you soon? I’ll call you from wherever I am.” She nodded, telling him to reach out soon. “You take care of yourself, alright? Don’t take shit from her. You and Sebastian deserve to be with each other.”

“I will. I won’t. And yes, we do,” she answered in the order Harry said, making him chuckle. “Now, go. You’re making her wait.” She patted his back once more before he got into the car.

With one last wave, he was off to the docks where the love of his life was waiting for him.

“So, here I am,” Harry said with a smile, arms opening as he presented himself. You smiled widely, giggling. You were still in shock how he simply gave up his family and his position to once rule the country for you. You knew he would do anything for you, but this was more than anything—this was leaving his family for good, walking away from being connected to royalty. And he left it all behind. For you.

“Here you are,” you breathed out a chuckle. “I can't believe you’re here. That you didn’t marry that woman.”

“You know I couldn’t do that. You’re the only one I want to marry, the only one I wanna see walk down the aisle, wearing a beautiful champagne gown.” You were slightly taken back, tears glazing your eyes; he remembered the small detail you had told him about not wanting to wear a traditional white dress to your wedding. “So, you’re not the Prince anymore, hmm?”

Harry shook his head. “Nope. Not gonna leave me to find another Prince, are you?” He joked, raising his brows. You playfully slapped his chest, but he caught your hand, bringing it up to his lips as he placed a chaste kiss on the back of your hand.

“Course not. I’ve had a Prince of my own for the past five years.” You unconsciously reached towards him to straighten his jacket. He pulled you forward by the hand that he was already holding, and your chest was pressed together against his with your faces inches away from one another as you looked up at him.

“Our six-year anniversary is coming up soon. How should we celebrate?”

“Hmm, now that we have all the time in the world, wanna go on vacation? I’ve been dying to go to Italy,” you suggested, and Harry’s eyes lightened up as if you had suggested the greatest idea ever.

“I would love that. Where in Italy are you thinking about? Because I’ve been thinking of the Amalfi Coast. Think about it…driving along the coast, cliff diving, swimming in the ocean. Sounds nice, huh?” You nodded your head at his plans.

“Sounds amazing. Maybe we could…get married there?” You suggested another plan hesitantly, testing the waters to see how he felt about it.

“You wanna get married? Next month?” You nodded your head. “Are you proposing?”

“Only if you say yes.” You wrapped your arms around his waist, kissing his chin.

“You know I will.” A tint of pink hit his cheeks as he smiled down at you.

He leaned down to place a tender kiss on the tip of your nose, and when he pulled back, your eyes sparkled with such love and happiness—a gleam that he’s missed seeing in your eyes, and a gleam he would make sure was always there as long as you two were together.

“Well, in that case…Your Highness, my love, will you do the honor of becoming my husband in one month?” You asked with a hopeful and playful tone as you couldn’t contain your smile.

“Of course, my Princess. Wouldn't wanna be by anyone else,” he answered as you softly squealed.

Harry placed his hands on your jaw, gently bringing your face to his. His forehead rested against you as the tip of your noses touched, giving one another an Eskimo kiss. Your lips merely brushed together so delicately as you smiled once you felt his touch. With one last small touch, Harry kissed you with such passion and devotion as you two moved your lips in sync. The kiss spoke every beautiful and exquisite word in the dictionary that it wouldn’t be enough to describe how tenderly and passionate he kissed you, and how much love your heart held for him.

Neither of you cared if there were bystanders, wondering why the Prince was kissing someone in the middle of the Royal Grounds, in public. But there was not one hint of care because you two were together, and this kiss indicated what’s to come for the rest of your lifetime.

He pulled away, and you were so caught up in the sensation and the feeling that you didn’t realize that he had stopped kissing you. When you opened your eyes, you were met by your favorite green eyes that stared at you with a big smile on his face, dimple indenting his face.

“I love you so much, Princess, you have no idea.” His words were slow, hoping to engrave them into your mind so you wouldn’t forget it.

“And I love you, too, Your Highness.” He smiled, pressing a quick kiss to your lips, too quick for your liking.

“Now, c’mon, we have a ship to catch.” Harry grabbed one of your bags as he held one of the duffle bags on his shoulder. He informed you that you two were going to take the family ship and that his belongings were already loaded on the ship.

You nodded, grabbing the other luggage and duffle bag. You turned around, taking a look back at the Royal House that peeked behind many buildings and trees. This was the end of the story, and it was time to start a new one. You were able to close the book and set it down while you reflect on the memories you had made in one house with the one person who had your heart.

Sure, you don’t know where you and Harry would be settling down; maybe you two would constantly move around and travel the world since neither of you got the chance to do so, but whatever the universe had in store for you both, you were glad to do it with Harry by your side.

“Hey, are you coming with or what?” Harry called out, making you turn around. A smile that was brighter than the sun was plastered on his face as his arm reached out in front of him, palm facing up, telling you that it was time to leave. That it was time to start a new life together.

You smiled, walking towards him as your eyes were glossy. Taking his hand and intertwining your fingers with his, he held your hand tight as you two crossed the ramp that was securely resting on the edge of the dock and the edge of the boat.

You leaned against the railing of the boat, looking out at the deep ocean that you once felt like you were drowning in. But once Harry’s arms wrapped around your waist, chest pressed up against your back while his lips attached to the skin behind your ear, you no longer felt like your ship was sinking. It was smooth sailing and immensely happy.

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